We Don’t Have Ching-Chong
11 Jul 2014 · 1 h 12 min · 5,982 words · source
Calls (16, 48 min of 1 h 12 min)
- Mexican restaurant ordered one egg live 3.3 min clip ↓
- Corporate office power breaker test live 6.3 min clip ↓
- Automated menu for rescue mission ivr 1.0 min clip ↓
- Rescue mission food menu inquiry live 1.6 min clip ↓
- CrossFit membership and equipment inquiry live 2.0 min clip ↓
- Donor appointment request with time travel story live 1.2 min clip ↓
- Pure One donor call about plasma live 2.4 min clip ↓
- Pure One furniture inquiry and rant live 4.3 min clip ↓
- Prank caller upset about order live 4.6 min clip ↓
- Voicemail at Mai Tai Asian Cuisine playback 8.2 min clip ↓
- Tire shop about 195 65r tires live 1.6 min clip ↓
- Costco customer demands entry without membership live 6.1 min clip ↓
- Eddie calls about stolen blackberries live 48 s clip ↓
- Frank offers to buy yard sale items live 2.1 min clip ↓
- Shell station asked about labia manipulation live 1.3 min clip ↓
- KFC asked about chicken machine spaces live 1.9 min clip ↓
Transcript
Gentlemen, this is the President of the United States.
Whatever orders I give to American personnel
are to be considered direct orders from the Commander-in-Chief.
They are to be obeyed fully, without reservation.
You little monkey.
You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.
Thank you very much.
Ladies and gentlemen, right now we'd like to get ready to introduce the star of our show.
The young man you've all been waiting for, Mr. Soul.
so what do you feel it's all into the spots we're doing the thing we like to say how you doing out
there is everyone doing all right i'll ask you one more time how are you doing out there
don't fight it we're gonna feel it okay
hey how you doing how you doing out there i can't hear you how you doing out there
i'm well how are you i'm good tonight we're gonna we're not gonna fight it we're gonna feel it
yep whatever yeah it's to go uh la fave okay all right and i'm sorry i called earlier i'm
just excited it's payday you know i'm listening to some sam cook yeah what can i get for you
doing the watusi all right i need one eggs an egg one eggs how would you like your one egg
cooked okay anything else one meat all right what kind of meat uh breakfast warm cooked meat
meat warm cooked meat finished all right if you're gonna waste my time by doing a prank call
call someone else i command you to respect me waste of time with a prank call okay fine she's
right it's a waste of time i'm tired of that idea i don't know why i keep going back to it
one eggs people don't seem to get mad about it anymore enough's enough for that idea what should
we do for the rest of the night now all right let's see let's call a mexican restaurant and
ask him for one eggs but i get the stupidest ideas fucking stupid baby talk all the time
you guys like it hello yeah i want to make an order one eggs one huevos eggs yeah one eggs
no no no i want one eggs one eggs you have you have eggs i have eggs there before huevos
do you have huevos ranch here do you have huevos rancheros
Rancheros, we do have it.
Okay, I want, what comes with the huevos rancheros?
How is it?
Steak.
Uh-huh.
Piraño.
Uh-huh.
And chilada sauce.
Okay.
Rice and beans on the side with the tortilla.
Okay.
Listen, all right, so I want a huevos rancheros.
Hold the steak, hold the sauce, hold the pico, hold the beans, hold the rice, hold the tortillas.
Okay.
i'm sorry so what would you order one huevos rancheros but i need to hold
the pico i need to hold the beans the rice the steak the sauce it's a plain egg yeah one eggs
with with enchilada sauce or no no sauce no sauce either yeah but um you're gonna charge
Do you charge me for the huevos rancheros?
Do you want the tortillas or no?
No.
Give me the tortillas that people don't eat.
You know, give me one or two.
I don't want them from other customers.
I want to pull down my pants and use the tortilla on my asshole to wipe it in front of everybody.
And then I'll sniff it and then I'll eat it.
If you call again, I have your number and I have to call the police.
No, no, I'm sorry.
No.
Okay.
Please no.
No?
Why no?
Because I'm sorry.
Are you kidding me?
I don't want to get in trouble.
No, no, no.
No.
You're calling in.
I have to call the cops.
No, no.
I'm sorry.
No.
Just one more.
One more.
One more.
One more.
That's it.
One more.
No, no, no.
Please.
Fuck you, Russell.
Hey.
Oh, shit.
I love it when they start begging, no.
I sound like a kid.
I sound like I did maybe when I was like 10 years old and I did a prank call.
And they said that.
I was like, oh, no, no.
Please, no.
don't tell my mom all right so that worked i got her on a technicality when we was
getting the weevils rancheras that hold everything now they have to do it
the laugh that i had was because i thought of what i said the tortilla thing i thought about
it before i said it i laughed if i hadn't laughed before i would have laughed after i said that
really well that's nasty man hi how are you good all right how are you my little chicken i'm doing
all right oh yeah you probably don't know who i am but i come in a lot i get stuff there all the
time and i'll be looking at you yeah so what you doing are you busy pretty busy i'm calling from
from the corporate office yeah i'm calling from the corporate office yeah um i need to have you
we need to do a test at the power breaker to make sure that the generator is working correctly that
we had installed there this week yeah yeah it takes it'll take like five seconds you just have
to go to where the power breakers are do you is this a cordless phone all right can you if you go
back there i'll tell you what you need to what button you need to hit and you just have to tell
me what code comes back all right all right so let me know when you're where the power breaker
is okay and that's the room that's just way in the back exactly yep and it should be right on the
wall okay panel m1 or um yeah go to go to m1 i need a key for it oh is there one that isn't
locked at all yes they're locked um i could grab a key for it though i think we do have one
oh all right fine then unless you have another one there another is there another panel there
that's unlocked perhaps i just have to grab a key to unlock it all right all right go ahead
thank you
let's see
i got it i got a couple of keys that i'm pretty sure one of them is going to work on them excellent
saw it oh yeah oh yeah now let's see all right so i'm gonna go to panel m1 yeah what's the big
switch there do you see it hello still here oh okay i'm just trying to get this shoot everything
okay i don't want you to get hurt you know okay i'm just oh oh oh oh hello yeah i'm here
hey boss yeah i have the keys to them but my boss should did you want to try to give us a
call back early in the morning tomorrow yeah your boss is a stupid motherfucker for having
locked that motherfucker i want you to pass it on and i said that he's a stupid motherfucker
for having done that okay that's that's
I'm just upset I'm really upset about that that this motherfucker did this shit to you
motherfucker you know hey hey I'm sorry honey no huh hello yeah listen the boss there the owner
is a stupid motherfucker the owner the boss the person in charge where's that person oh you're
You're talking to, she wasn't an employee.
She's not a boss.
Oh, okay, yeah.
Can you, you need to open that panel.
Okay, is it back in the storeroom?
Yeah.
We need that open.
You got to get it open.
This is four.
We need to test the generator that got installed.
Generated the gun installed?
Yeah.
Hang on just a minute.
Okay.
We need to test the generator.
Can I call you back?
I just need to call Kelly and be okay to do so.
you're you're ridiculous young man you are ridiculous you're ridiculous
for the god you're ridiculous then you can call when kelly's here i'll call her and let her know
go to hell motherfucker quality assurance monitored or recorded to help us serve you
better please listen to this entire message for hours and location information press one
To check rates, availability, or to book a reservation, press 2.
To confirm, modify, or cancel an existing reservation, press 3.
To speak to an employee at our local office, or if you require an immediate pickup, press 4.
If you are, I'm sorry, our office is currently closed.
Bitch, could not have told me that in the beginning.
Fucker.
Hey, how are you?
Hello?
yeah hi rescue mission yeah how's the machine going over there tonight the main machine do you
have the food machine today good machine yeah the food for people that are hungry yeah uh what hours
are that is there one tonight right now oh god bless you what's on the menu oh you don't know
no oh can you find out maybe what's on the menu why is it really bad it's good of course it's
chapel service and then you can eat um can i get a sandwich too can you get a what can i
order a sandwich come in and eat dinner okay but can i want to make an order for one eggs
one egg sandwich oh come on what's wrong we'll make it an order i'm gonna make an order at the
rescue mission yes hello one eggs one bread hello yeah i want to order one eggs one bread
one meat
is this the CrossFit
yes it is
oh hey bro
how you doing bro
good
yeah
yeah
you guys getting your burn on tonight
yeah
you know how we do it
yeah totally
how much
I'm in town
just for the week
how much can I get in there
for just a week
or like
can I
show some
membership
we had the prices
on our website
but they went down
our paid up page
went down
I think it was
uh bro um i know it's um let's see it might be 50 for the week oh that's that's totally doable
i'm an airline pilot bro hey um do you um do you guys what are your free weights go up to
free weights yeah what are your free weights i think we have 100 pound dumbbells okay oh
fuck yeah man you got some good shit so i i this hotel i'm staying at bro they only go up to 40
yeah we have uh 45 55 75 100 nice nice bro fucking nice that's awesome what kind of machines you got
there uh we have no machines good good that's the answer i wanted to hear bro yeah so i'm gonna go
in there and get my burn on you know okay yeah i'm gonna yeah i'm gonna totally and i'm gonna
feel it right in my legs man good that's a good spot yeah yeah um i take i'm gonna take some
bumblebees too you guys got a locker room there yeah i'll go in the shower totally man i'll bring
in a gatorade bottle i'm gonna bring in my bumblebees i'm gonna take them i'll take like
five and i'll fucking get pumped up fuck yeah let me take them right now hang on
motherfucker that's all i got you gotta be ready who's the fave the fave i can't hear you the fave
My name is Lefebvre.
I'll see you there, Lefebvre.
Stupid Lefebvre.
If you are interested in becoming one of our donors,
press 1 now to schedule an appointment or wait for a person's call.
Please.
This is Karen. How can I assist you?
Hi, yeah, I'm Ensign Lefebvre.
I work for Lieutenant Commander Jordy LaForge.
Okay, we needed to acquire some plasma.
we're trying to fashion a plasma torpedo we're stuck in the past we're from the
23rd century we're both assigned to the USS Enterprise E okay okay but is there
anyone there who might have any idea because we need to just we figure if we
make one plasma torpedo we could fire it out in the space at a certain rate and
then use our buzzard collectors to sweep up in a large amount of the carbon
urban pollution in the atmosphere and shoot it out at the same time that it ignites and it'll
create a warp conduit hole and we'll be able to get back into our time with these two killer
humpback whales that we're bringing with us like a good plan yeah yeah it's about the only plan we
have yeah and also we're only in the saucer section it's separated uh only the saucer section made it
the uh the star drive section with the warp core it actually um there was a warp core breach and
we lost that section but everyone evacuated to the saucer section so we're okay sound like a good
plan yeah it's an enterprise e retrofit so it actually has a detachable saucer section like
the original d did the d class enterprise anyway so you said i need to talk to the corporate office
and i'm guessing they're closed now yeah they're based out of california but they're the they're
the ones that would decide where that plasma would go in north america yes in north america okay
Okay, all right, excellent.
Friday, about what time?
Right now it's Friday at 6.59.
And is that Federation Standard Time then?
No, that's Mountain Standard Time.
Mountain Standard Time.
Okay, all right, we'll have to look that up then.
All right, well, thank you very much, honey baby.
You have yourself a good one.
You as well.
All right, you sexy little kitten, you.
Good luck getting your whales back to your own time zone.
Okay, thank you.
yeah they need to talk to the probe yes good plan uh-huh all right bye bye bye it's an upcoming
remake of star trek 4 the uh voyage home
is everybody in favor of getting romantic
romantic oh yeah
thank you for calling pure one this is ellie how can i help you hey how are you honey how are you
oh i'm so good i'm better now that i'm talking to you i help you with something yeah i need
is there a man i can talk to you there isn't right now that's unfortunate so it's all women there
just right now but we have a guy coming in in half an hour do you want to try back then
yeah well i can talk to you maybe all right uh is there a person in charge of furniture
um i'm the manager right now we don't have like a set personal furniture but
you have
have a question about furniture yeah do you have any wicker furniture at all
you do um yes we do we have a santa barbara collection
santa barbara what's a santa barbara is there anything that you can put a television on
For outdoors, so we have like a little end table, and that's about it.
All right, the end table.
How much gasoline would it take to light that on fire,
and how long do you think it would burn for?
I have no idea.
That's a really weird question.
See, things like that, that's why I ask men,
because women really don't know about stuff like that.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
Because they don't really are good with working with tools in their hands.
I would never light that on fire.
They're kind of expensive.
I don't think I would ever light them on fire.
Oh, I do what I want, you know.
yeah i guess yeah but that's the female mind in you that tells you to say that you know i would
never do that you know but you know most women i mean most arsonists are female i didn't know that
um hold on one second please
yeah deliver fuck yeah
i don't care anymore
you punch her in the eye
oh what they were saying hello they gotta speak up motherfucker
son's a bitch hey listen honey you gotta speak up when you're when you're answering the phone
i know you asian girls are like oh you know all us all us all but you know you can't do that
okay i need one i may need to make an order okay what would you like to order 112 115
15 one fool fool fool fool fool sure yeah what's wrong with ching chong china doll over there i
don't know she didn't understand my order no no one fool no i'm making an order sir fool you don't
have fool don't don't hang up please no sir i think i wear some more time so oh oh yeah
she understood what i said i'm so i'm so she she get quiet for a second
make an order yeah make an order
no pick up
pick up your phone number please 7-1-1-2-0-1-4 it's 7-11 there's free slurpees today 7-11
I forgot.
7-1-1.
Yeah.
Pardon?
2-0-1-4.
Oh, my God.
I forgot.
Your first name, please?
Eddie.
Eddie.
Yeah.
Okay.
What would you like for lunch?
Okay.
One chicken satay.
Uh-huh.
One Vietnamese spring roll.
Uh-huh.
One fried crispy shrimp.
Uh-huh.
One pot sticker.
Uh-huh.
One Vietnamese summer roll.
Uh-huh.
One gyoza.
Uh-huh.
One edamame.
Do you want all the appetizers?
Yeah, the edamame appetizer, one croquette, one shrimp tempura, one combination tempura, one fried tofu tod.
Hello?
You there?
Yeah.
Okay.
One crispy calamari, one fried rangoon, one Shanghai roll, one chicken lettuce wrap, one beef donburi, one chicken donburi, one ten donburi, one salmon donburi.
Tara, are you sure?
okay one strawberry salmon salad one sunomono salad one house salad okay one chinese chicken
salad are you close to downtown area uh-huh too far we are 30 minutes away from downtown area
no no i'm not in downtown i'm by you i'm in the toilet i'm using a toilet a public toilet right
right now you're just playing around no i'm hungry okay anything else one fool or what one fool okay
okay one tofu salad one seaweed salad let me use the other phone to call okay okay okay farted
smell okay no no no no nine one one no no anything else no no nine one one why no no no i just
no you said you said call that no why i'm making an order why you do that no no no no no no don't
call please don't call police no anything else for you no no no yeah just go ahead and give me
your order what happened over there what happened why you say anything else for you no no no you're
gonna call police no stupid uh are you ordering a plane no i'm making this i'm making a serious
order okay anything else for you yeah one one ching chong one chang ching just call my 111
you see you see you said it again anything else for you no don't you just if you're no please no
i'm sorry anything else for you no no please no no no please no so why are you why are you doing
this give me a good reason my friend sean died huh my friend sean died and so you don't want
the order right no my friend sean died in his funerals tomorrow and i have to go to it so i'm
sad and i'm doing prank calls i'm sorry i'm sorry don't do that again okay all right i'm sorry okay
bye okay i'm gonna keep doing that now no no please no
george okay i just called and asked for food is that what they're gonna say
Okay, Ms. Ching Chong, what did he say?
He said food.
He said he wanted to order food.
And he said he wanted to order Ching Chong and Chang Ching.
Calling.
For quality and service, this call may be recorded.
Hello?
It's not available to take your call.
I thought it was an answer.
Please leave a message after the tone.
Press the...
Put it anywhere.
Yeah
This year are gay
Yeah, I want to make an order one
Yeah, one fool
curry or uh noodles um it's a new i think it's oh my gosh it's uh oh my gosh it's like a pad
it's like a pad scene do you have fifo fifo no it's uh can you can you ask him if he can make
fifo no okay um can i get a thai cashew nut okay yeah uh one one on meat one meat
one eggs uh-huh one curry cooked meat one food okay yeah tofu cashew yeah one
One vegetables.
Okay, and one hot spicy?
Like Thailand spicy.
Yeah, like a motherfucker.
Okay, okay, then I need one chicken satay.
Okay, okay.
Yeah, one cheng chong.
We don't have that one.
Okay, one minced chicken.
Do you have minced chicken and papaya salad?
Papaya, you want papaya?
Yep.
Okay, what else?
I mean, hot spicy, do you want that one?
Not mild, mild.
Okay, what else?
One peepo.
Which one?
people you do or no okay uh one eggs one eggs yeah what kind of eggs uh we don't sell eggs
when you get like like egg noodles you don't have
yeah okay sure sure yeah okay what else one hambu okay one labia
no we don't have that one too okay one fufu
for your order i have the chicken satay then i have the tofu vegetable cashew hot yeah you want
that very hot yeah we also have the papaya salad in the price three rows yeah and then one food
yeah we don't carry food at my place okay do you have hambu we don't sir okay
you know the menu online or do you have a menu with you i have a menu with me
it's an old menu though do you have do you have yoohoo oh yeah we never actually made those any
any of those wow uh are you sure you have the right one yeah yeah this is mai tai asian cuisine
it has papaya salad the minced chicken sliced beef salad and then it says
we actually don't make anymore that's why oh and then it says food okay and papay people
yeah we don't have that either and no labia no do you know what section you're reading off so i
again like tell you the ones that we do have it says the adult section this is labia this is culo
i don't know yeah which one is it for the salads i already have papaya salad minced chicken sliced
beef sesame chicken salad southern thai it has your curries yeah it says curries green curry
red curry this is shit curry shit curry Penang curry labia curry it says okay
okay this is Musa man yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like you know the fuck and you
do you have ching chong what that is actually is that a type of meat or yeah yeah we don't
have a type of that night we only have beef pork chicken or tofu or shrimp okay and no labia either
no only beef chicken pork tofu okay well chicken i guess you have fish no so i guess chicken you
know labia tastes like chicken sometimes yeah yeah and one motherfucker yeah yeah i'm stupid
stupid i'm perverted i'm a pervert i didn't want to make all that food so i backed out of it felt
bad felt bad guys felt bad yeah hi i need to talk to somebody about my tires 195 65 r motherfuckers
well excuse me yeah yeah they're 195 65 r's okay 195 65 r's yeah oh do you have those in stock
is this for semi is this for semi trucks no it's for a court an accord a honda okay uh do you need
used or new new it doesn't matter uh which one is more fire resistant let me just check it can
you get a man is there a man yeah thank you fucker hello hello yeah what's going on you eating the
the phone yeah what can i do for you i'm calling about 195 65r tire machine why what 195 65r tire
machines
to reach the administrative staff press one for warehouse hours directions and holidays observed
One moment, please.
Hello?
Yeah, is this Costco?
This is.
Oh, this is the Vision Center?
Who is this?
It's not.
Let me get you them.
What do they do?
How long are they there for?
Until 830.
Oh, wow.
You sound hot.
Do you want the optical department?
Yeah, honey.
Go ahead.
One second.
Hopefully, I'll see you when I go in there, motherfucker.
...duty products and more.
Skip the trip to the drugs.
Woo-woo.
Woo.
That guy at the Thai restaurant looking for food.
Do we have food?
No, no food.
Costco, optical distance, yeah?
Yeah, I'd like to make an order.
Hold on, please.
One food?
Or online at Costco.com.
Oh, my God.
Thank you for holding, Mrs. Jill.
How may I help you?
Yeah, I'm ordering one food.
What's the phone number we have for you?
Food?
Foo, Foo, Foo.
What's the first name?
Foo.
First name?
Uh-huh.
The last name?
Fee.
What phone number we have for you?
Uh, 711-201-Foo.
Oh.
Phone number?
Maybe.
Yep.
Maybe.
What would that phone number be?
I don't know.
Do you have your Costco card?
No.
I don't have a membership.
I'm just going to come in.
I don't deal with that.
I'm going to get that.
I just sneak in.
To get your glasses, you have to have a membership card.
We can't sell you one without one.
You can't.
You can't.
I command you.
I command you I order you
I'm sorry I can't
No listen I'm going to come down there
And I'm going to tell you
You are welcome to come down
But we will not sell you anything without a membership card
You motherfucker you
You sell me a motherfucking piece of shit
Motherfucker
Fuck you
Fuck those membership club motherfuckers
How you going to tell me I can't come in your store
Motherfucker
Listen to me here young lady
You don't tell me where I can and can't go
You don't tell me where I can and can't go
Oh, you don't tell me I can't go in your store unless I pay some kind of fee because of the color of my skin.
The hell kind of crap is that?
I don't think you and I have spoken before.
Yeah, no, we haven't.
The man at the door said I couldn't come in without a fucking card.
It is a membership-based warehouse.
He said to me, show me your papers.
That's what he said to me.
No, not your papers, your Costco membership.
He said papers.
He said, hey, boy, let me see your papers.
That's what he said to me when I tried to come inside.
side and i said excuse me i said i'm a grown man with children and he said let me see your papers
boy like that and he had like this blue vein on his forehead it was getting really big it was
super agitated and then he he said he was gonna um make me take off my pants he said okay well i
i don't know anything about that he said he said 30 lashes boy that's what he said to me okay well
i'm sorry well this is disgusting this is disgusting i command you to apologize and
to find him and make him apologize to me on the phone.
I command you.
I don't think you can speak to me that way.
Hey, God damn it.
Listen, labia.
I command you to go.
You cannot talk to me that way,
so I'm going to have to let you go.
Volvo, labia.
Hello?
hey is that big laura big laura big laura is that you
big laura big laura i don't know about big laura oh um my name is eddie uh eddie lafave i live in
town i'm new here in town i live on horse machine ranch road you needed some hay hello she's like
yeah hi you need some blackberries okay uh you said you want wild picked blackberries only yeah
i don't like the baby to the tame ones that people you know raced in the garden but i like
just the ones that's picked out wild in the field yeah well that's what i got here i i i picked them
in the wild myself outside i went outside and i picked them i stole them from people
yeah i stole them all they're all stolen they're really good ones some of them are
brand new in the package still and everything i got the yeah i got the challenger i got the
challenger 13 i got the blackberry bold i got the the blackberry juice at the blackberry 914
Before, I got the BlackBerry Galaxy.
I got the BlackBerry Galaxy X also.
No, I was wanting real BlackBerrys that you can eat jelly out.
Yeah, yeah, I stole all these BlackBerrys.
You stole the BlackBerrys?
Mm-hmm.
What are you talking about BlackBerry Galaxy and stuff like that?
Yeah, BlackBerry Galaxy X, BlackBerry Z30, BlackBerry Z10, Q10.
What is that?
I got the Bold.
The Bold.
I got the Bold BlackBerrys.
i got a whole bunch of bold blackberries i got a whole bunch of z30 blackberries
shit maybe she doesn't know what a blackberry is no one knows anymore anyway yeah hey how are you
honey is that uh the people the are gonna have the sale in the house the art sale thing
hello yeah is that big hi is that i'm sorry my name is frank lafave i'm my name is frank lafave
yeah i live on horse machine ranch road i see you're having a yard sale i was curious what items
you might have left already closed the yard sale i will give you money for everything else that you
have i'll buy everything i sell them off later i'll give you for everything you want to get rid
rid of i will give you one flat fee i'll come i'll pick it up in my pickup truck and i have a u-haul
truck that i own i stole it and i'll pick everything up and i'll give you of cash money
and i resell it out of my thrift store it's international i sell it on the internet it's
called international thrift store machines people buy the stuff on the internet and i sell it oh
yeah i sell all the shit and piss and all that stuff from people's houses that they don't want
anymore like at the end of the year at the end of the year i'll say hey i'll make you an offer
i'll make an offer and people love it because they can get rid of all that stuff after they
had it all gathered up i take care of it i get it out you get cash and all that crap is out of your
house buddy well look about it how much you want honey you want a few hundred dollars what do you
want just give me an idea how much you would want before we hang out i don't want anything i'll take
take care of it myself i'll give you two hundred dollars for everything you got yeah i'll give you
400 yep hello i think i'm interested oh would you be interested in uh getting your labia socked or
pulled getting what your labia about it would you be interested in having it manipulated touched
blown on well i certainly wouldn't think so how would you like to have your balls jerked off and
crammed down your throat i like that idea yeah yeah you might like it don't call me ever again
i'm a pervert i'm sorry i'm a pervert yeah you sound like a pervert i'm perverted i'm sorry
i'm i'm don't i'm sorry i won't do it again okay yeah just keep your perverted ass out of my phone
oh yeah oh oh whoa whoa i guess that knocked you off didn't it oh yeah yeah yeah we'll enjoy it
oh oh how are you little chicken yeah how are you my little chicken oh yeah i needed to make
an order one gasoline this is the shell station okay was that a woman or a man
yeah you know um how many chicken spaces come in the meal how many spaces how many spaces
how many spaces are there the spaces in the chicken machine is there a man i can talk to
coming up soon is the dwight mop show dwight mops the mop next coming up on
Pratt Call Network, the greatest network in the Pratt Call world.
Mmm, fuck yeah.
Hey, Dwight's going on tonight.
Dwight's going on.
Dwight's first show's tonight.
She doesn't care.
She don't care, Dwight.
She don't care, Ken.
Ken Dwight.
We all have, like, secret pseudonyms, like the Wu-Tang Clan.
Like, I, Carlito, I have, I don't know, Jack Valente, Eddie Cross.
Brad Carter has Roy everyone has a suit in it Brent Westwood for Dave for dirty
hair Ken has Dwight McClanahan there's Ron Holliman I forget what come on in
the chat room what are they who am I missing Giads I forgot his the the movie
company that jayad's always with i forget shit i forgot sloss all of a sudden also again ryan token
there you go thank you acres ryan token ryan token that's a funny name i like that i like
that jayad he should be back on next week waiting for the big hey sign from dwight mcclanahan ken
that he's ready to go on so i can turn things over to him motherfucker wait for that here's
Here's Big Ken's favorite fast food restaurant, good old Kentucky Fried Chicken, now known as KFC.
Oh, only for, like, the last 25 years.
Hi, KFC. Debbie, how can I help you?
Yeah, how many chicken spaces come in the box?
It depends on what size you're getting.
I need one chicken machine.
One chicken machine?
A chicken machine?
Mm-hmm.
I'm not sure what you mean by that.
You know the chicken comes in the container, the chicken machine that you eat?
you didn't open the box and you can open the box container machine and the chicken is inside the
chicken spaces yeah um chicken spaces that go inside the container one i need one you know
how many spaces come in with the machine a fucker what you mean stupid stupid you're stupid
stupid asshole that's all i had that's all i had she didn't get flummoxed enough for spaces
season machine she did a little bit this is from dwight reports he's good to go all right i'm out
of here motherfuckers everyone stay tuned in for dwight unless you're on shoutcast and that way
in that case you can listen to bullshit motherfucker
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