Madhouse Radio 9 Year Anniversary Show

Well, let's start by explaining maybe the most interesting part of this anatomy, and that is the vagina.

So here we see the vagina in real life, and we have the labia major, and then we have the labia minor here, okay?

You have the vaginal opening here, and this is the perineum.

It's the place between the anus and the vagina.

You little monkey.

You bastard.

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

Maybe I do and maybe I don't.

Business to be going back in there with a bullet for everybody in the yard.

Oh, is that right?

But now we do it later.

Later it can be no use.

Right, Hal?

Wait a minute.

Got a lot of angry guys in there.

Black young lords.

Besides you, you're anti-social.

We gotta go in, right?

Clean your clocks.

Gentlemen.

Look at me.

Don't look at me.

Guys, what's up?

Carlito.

Host of Madhouse Live Radio.

Whatever it is.

With me here is Milkman, Milkman

Good, where are you going? You're headed to buy some gasoline, some fuel machine

Dude, I'm getting GDP, a whole tank full of GDP, one ounce

And it'll be available to everyone in the whole room, man, one whole ounce

So make sure you spot for this exact episode that the Aramonito has carefully planned for you folks.

Thank you.

Also, Big Tuck is here.

Long time no talk, Tuck.

I'm happy to touch you, Tuck.

Haven't touched you, hugged you in a long time.

The Tuck has not been touched in quite a long time.

Poor Tuck.

It's quite a long time since the Tuck has been touched by many a Madhouse listener and viewer

and uh not and so on that tuck for a while there there was a time when tuck had so many madhouse

groupies he left him right i really had to just run away from everybody and everything

yeah yeah but for real tuck was like every city we tour in

every city we toured in tuck was with another lady like hey

Hey, Tuck has like 20 madhouse groupie babies out there.

Tuck, I got to apologize.

I love you, love child.

Tuck, have you ever gotten any slack for a prank call that someone else might have done and said they were you?

No.

Should I be worried about such a possibility out there in the beginning of the universe?

Sometimes, maybe.

All right, this is a new straw pocket for you.

There's something wrong with this cigarette I'm smoking.

Jesus Christ.

That's what I know, man.

It's left-handed, dude.

You don't use your right hand on this, man.

I'm trying to tell it.

I think these cigarettes are moldy or green.

I'm telling you.

They're dry.

Hey, I just want to prove this is our nine-year anniversary show.

It is not a Thursday, but it is the anniversary day for me.

It's July 16th, 2014 on a Wednesday.

This is not recorded.

We are live.

And I'm Carlito, the host.

As I said before, Milkman has been my number two co-host ever since the second episode.

And he was really involved with the first one, really.

He's here.

A lot of you have been asking where he's been.

He's just fine.

Sexual reassignment surgery going great.

And then Big Tug is here with us.

He was a longtime contributor to Madhouse and second chair, cedar, warmer upper.

And for a correspondent.

Yeah, what are you up to lately on your plantation over there?

Are you still doing the comic books?

Comic books, yeah, there is a number three coming out of the Henry Hunt series.

And that's sort of like, it's rounded up and finished off.

And, yeah, lately I'm just working on a more personal project.

Okay.

Got a book in the works and I'm freshening up on my photography skills.

Yeah, you've been doing a lot of stuff on Facebook.

really good pics dogs and hitchhikers and stuff like that i like it yeah yeah tuck uh he's he

tuck's been traveling the united states milkman he goes to he stays at ymca shelters and just

takes pictures of the guys there in every city he stops at very friendly man i wondered about that

because i know there's a bunch of excellent photography and uh thumbs up here doing a great

job talking pictures man and uh just make sure you bring along a couple of extra shorts you

You never know.

You know what I'm saying, man?

Hey, let's see.

If Tony Roma's is open, we'll ask them about them ribs.

What ribs are those?

Oh, they got these shitty ribs over there.

They think they're so good.

Tony Roma's.

This is a rib show?

A rib show?

No, this is a restaurant I'm calling.

Oh, I mean, you should wear a shirt at this rib show.

Oh, yeah, a rib show.

Hey, shitty boy.

I'd go for a rib show.

Where the girls make the ribs disappear.

Do you want ribs?

Hey, do the girls do rib shows over there?

Do the girls do rib shows?

shows do the girls that work there does uh tony have them do rib shows do you know what that is

no but we don't do it it's when a girl makes the rib disappear you know yeah no just the rib bone

though not the whole thing with the sauce and everything yeah you you know the saying that

you got to taste the barbecue sauce before you eat the chicken that that's the saying that means

that you need to finger a girl then taste your fingers and smell it before you start going down

on her just to make sure she's not funky you know it's true though you should you guys should

should do that milkman has dropped he's driving he's going to the store i think he's going to

the dispensary talk i hope he didn't break when he dropped talk you're a big uh legalization guy

any excitement with the whole new legalization movement to this day you can now uh write

industrial hemp industrial hemp yes talk be honest that's just a cover you guys have right

that's that's just a cover you guys have for growing weed right the whole hemp

Um, you know, I think maybe it's going to be a problem if they don't date as well.

I think you guys go, hey, you're in the Hill Time again.

I got seven days for this.

We got milkman bags.

Would the hippies withdraw the fields to peas or something or corn?

But like in every other row, it would be hot.

Okay.

Well, the growing is big in Tennessee and Kentucky, isn't it?

Isn't that what I understand?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Isn't it like the biggest cash crop?

It has been, you know.

Wow.

It has been in the past.

I don't know about these days.

It's all in Northern California and Mexico and I don't know.

Wow, there's some shit weed in Mexico.

Milkman's back on.

Speaking of weed, how you doing, Milkman?

I keep dropping out, my friend, but no, I'm doing good here.

I just had that nice hit of strawberry cough shatter there a few minutes ago.

I want to make sure that you guys did not miss that.

You're mobile, Milkman.

That's why.

lie so what you're at the dispensary y'all are included in that happy 420 oh you're at the

dispensary is that where you are for real or what are you doing i'm just leaving man i just leaving

that's what i was telling you the strawberry cough shatter came in handy to one of those

big old industrializers they got on those legal yeah marijuana yeah are they battery powered or

you can't do battery powered right you gotta do like a plug-in con but yeah all green earthy

yeah battery power solar power it takes a vaporizer it takes a lot of juice right

yes i know power i mean no no actually it is no no okay they can get you can get vaporized

in these little pins they have now oh oh yeah yeah yeah like the little e-pins but yeah

oh okay so you're making the same stuff out of what the cigarette people are doing the nicotine

hey it's the same process i believe yeah i don't know the science behind it but it basically yeah

Wow. Science, man. Science. Okay.

Yes, yes, yes.

All right. Here's a park view in. This sounds very budget.

Science-y?

Very budget-y.

No, that doesn't sound science-y.

No, it doesn't.

Yeah, yeah. No, science is all budget-y.

Yeah.

Plastic, everything.

Yeah.

You know, TV dinners.

Milkman, what's the minimum you'll pay for a room until you think it's probably bad?

bad 43 bucks i'd say when it might be a bad area oh yeah go for three bucks it gets you know get

cockroaches and the correct guy uh next door uh put that in a wrong one cockroaches bed bugs for

sure right yeah crackheads prostitute machines yeah calling the park view and this is ariel

speaking how may i help you today hi ariel that's like the the prostitute in that movie

had that name you know the movie uh the little mermaid yeah you know the one i'm talking about

Well, not the adult version of it.

No.

Yeah, there's an actual adult version of it that Vivid made.

I was not aware.

The adult version of Little Mermaid, she's like a prostitute in Anaheim.

And her name's Ariel.

And she works the streets.

And the story is she stays at this hotel here.

Because you guys are across from Disney, right?

Just about?

Yes, we would be across the street from Disney.

Yeah, she works at the Coldstream Stone Creamery.

and on her nights off she is a prostitute uh off working off the disneyland employees and the

disneyland guests visitors and then she and then she stays at park view in hmm hello maximilian

max maximilian everyone calls me max max is there anything i can help you with today yeah can i get

the room the specific room that she always talks about in the stories i wouldn't know which room

that would be yeah it's i think it's like 112 how many nights for just i just need one night

actually i just need like two hours to be honest with you because i'm just gonna go in there the

masturbate and use the toilet and then leave max max my name is max fabron i'm a guest here

no you're not a guy not here i'm at the best western i'm staying with my family but i want

to come masturbate in that room you make some money on the side let me in right let me in the

masturbate i'm wrong with that i gotta get if i can masturbate just in hawaii

i'd go out all out masturbate on the little mermaid ride from my disney that's what you do

big kid on the right like oh yeah and i use the vape pen like milkman does

the vape pen in my mouth

the fountains that they go up you know the ride is a little fountain

That's where you want to time it

For what you get there

That's part of it

It's like I'm a fountain, man

Oh, I miss this shit

I haven't hooked up in so long, us three of us

We haven't jerked off together

Hey, sexy, how are you?

How are you doing?

Good

Oh, that's good.

That's good.

You sound pretty hot today.

Your connection's really bad.

Why?

Can you hear me?

Yeah, I hear you, but it sounds really bad.

You know?

Hi.

How may I help you today?

I'm just trying to figure out where that's coming from, that noise.

What noise?

Just like a bad noise.

It sounds bad.

You know what I hear?

Fuck you.

I don't know where it's coming from.

It was a connection.

That was a weird connection.

I don't know where it was.

It was like, I don't know if you guys can hear it.

Let me check a setting here real quick before we do any more pranks.

Milkman, what are you doing now?

what are you hearing an echo that might be you oh shit really i'm working on it just a moment

please it's gandhi place let's ask for banchu that's always a fun thing to do milkman are you

here still did you get muted did you drop oh i don't know i've been talking to myself here and

i don't know if i got it on or not can you hear me now i hear you oh well okay okay well that's

all right you just missed about like like three minutes silly comments anyway oh what the i said

When are you going to be home?

Home now.

Okay, good.

Probably hear you better then, because you won't be static.

That's why I haven't been climbing in much.

You little bastard.

You son of a bitch.

Get back in your little hole, milk hole.

Answer there.

All right.

Well, the reason I was asking that, Mr. Tuck.

I do like the audio quality, man.

I do like the audio quality.

Good.

I've worked a lot to perfect that in the last few weeks.

Thank you, sir.

I'm impressed, sir.

Thank you.

I'm glad you like it, sir.

Hey.

The reason I was asking you, Tuck, about this issue regarding your name coming up prank calls, maybe sometimes as a joke I do maybe say I'm Mike Tucker.

That's just your name.

That's just the name you use or you go for it, too.

No.

All I say is, like, I'm Mike Tucker.

That's it.

Or I'll say KDK.

I'll say I'm KDK from KDK Prank Calls.

Oh, you've been doing that forever.

yeah yeah but i also do mike tucker making even making him big huh oh yeah what is he around

describe around is he still a face in the prank call um podcast universe i guess you could say

that he shows up saturdays

Oh, milkman.

Whoa, hey.

You sound like you're in a grocery bag.

Milkman's walking, and he's like, ah.

You hear him?

All right, here, talk.

Listen, this is a prayer for Carlito, and here you're implicated in a prank call.

You know what?

You need to find Jesus in your heart, because you seem to be somebody who is trying to play a prank,

and you're being very mean about it.

but I want you to know something

that Jesus Christ does love you

and he would like to get into your heart

and to save you

and to keep you from living a life

that will take you directly to hell

a question I would ask you is this

do you know for a matter of fact

absolutely

if you died today

would you go to heaven or hell

you're sure about this

100% I ran a test and everything

you did

well it sounds to me like you're just trying to have fun

And I can understand that, but I want you to know that right now I would like to pray with you and pray for you.

All right, let's pray.

Father God, in the precious name of Jesus, Lord, I ask that you would convict the heart of this young man, Lord.

He is trying to do something that he thinks is funny, but what he's doing is putting a bad blot on his name and not on God's name.

Jesus you died for his sins you rose again to give him the right to reach out

and find Jesus Christ and to find salvation but God we ask you right now

Lord you would break his heart Lord let it open up so that he can truly see what

he is and what he needs to be and that he's lost and dying and going to hell

without you and God we ask that you would reach into his heart and make

Take everything that he sees and does and touches.

Lord, let it be unsatisfying to him until he reaches out for you, Jesus.

And we'll praise you for it in your precious name, Lord.

Amen.

Now, I don't know who you are, and I'm pretty sure you're not going to tell me.

I'm Katie.

But you have a good day, and we'll talk to you in heaven, okay?

Have a good day now.

Bye-bye.

My name is Mike Tucker.

See?

My name is Mike Tucker.

Fucker.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

You get it?

He got me.

So you are a false prophet.

You have a false prophet.

That's what he would say.

You're a false prophet.

Shit.

You know, it's whatever you believe, right?

I guess.

Whatever you want it to be.

It's your life.

Yeah.

Here's a place called the Empty Grave.

Let's see if they're open.

I have no idea what they are.

I think they're a bar called the Empty Grave.

Yeah, they're a bar.

that makes sense cat parlor hello you've reached the empty grave haunted attraction we are currently

closed 2013 season reopening in october of 2014 they only open for thanksgiving uh for halloween

a haunted attraction well i guess that's the third option so it is disney world yeah this is

the disney area yes oh these are these are the moochers off of disneyland property oh like the

A Disney district area.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Like the restaurant with the volcano on top of it.

Yeah, this doesn't exist in Disney World in Orlando as much

because Disney bought like a whole city-sized plot

and put Disney World in the middle of it

so everything around is Disney-owned, so they control it.

Yeah, but there's still areas like this in Orlando,

but they're further away.

They don't do the kind of business that these guys do.

Tangerine grill and patio?

I don't know about that.

All right, cool, if they have a patio.

That gives me an idea.

Call about marijuana this morning.

Yeah.

Remember when Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse would get in the fights?

Donald Duck was all jealous, like a pussy, all the time.

Yeah, he was a real bitch sometimes.

Hello?

Hello, this is Stingy from Room Service.

How can I help you?

Oh, what are you doing?

I'm sorry?

What are you doing, Gonzales?

I am not Gonzales.

Oh, what's your name, Lopez?

Who's calling, please?

Matthias.

My name is Matthias.

Okay, so what is this call all about?

Oh, because I'm making an order for one food.

Sure, absolutely.

I'm going to eat it in the patio.

I'm going to have my medication with me.

Okay, sure.

You want to order something to go, but you want to eat it at the restaurant?

Outside, outside with the animals.

Okay, you want to order now, or do you want to come and sit down, or what would you like to do?

No, I'm just going to come and use your toilet, and I'm going to eat somewhere else.

Can I eat in the toilet?

Let me put you with the manager.

Give me one second.

Okay, stupid.

It's just taking too long.

And they hung up anyway.

Fucking hanging up, motherfuckers.

Well, this is starting out to be great.

Yeah, you hang up the guy, hang up the phone.

The guy hang up the phone.

Why?

Hello?

Why the guy hang up phone?

I'm not sure.

Well, ask him why.

Ask him why.

Which guy, sir?

Some stupid monkey that answered the phone.

Okay, I do apologize.

If you can get me his name, then I can help you there.

I don't remember the guy who would just answer the phone before.

Who else answering the phone?

We do have two servers and a bartender and also managers.

Well, he said he was transferring to a manager and then he hung up like a stupid.

Okay, where can I transfer you to?

Get the two servers there.

I want the two servers to be there with you right now so we can figure it out.

Okay, can you please lower your voice, sir?

Can I help you?

Okay, if you're going to mess around like that, sir, I really appreciate it if you don't.

But if you're not going to need assistance, then I'm going to have to hang up.

Listen, Maria, get the two other guys over there.

Maria. My name is Maria, Master.

Okay, whatever it is. What is it?

So, what can I help you with?

See, you don't even give me your stupid name, you know?

I asked him his name anyway.

Okay, you're calling me stupid? Excuse me.

No, I called your name stupid.

No, yeah. So, basically, you're calling me stupid, sir.

So, if you don't need assistance, then please don't call back, okay?

No, all right. You're stupid. Okay, you're stupid.

Might as well say I'm stupid if she's about to hang up on me, right?

Fucking asshole.

Hookman, are you home yet?

No.

Tuck, are you there still?

still i'm here hey guys i'm here look at me good i'm here sorry i'm paying attention i'm just

looking for numbers so i was thinking old school yeah remember you sent me those uh spider-man

cartoon songs i used to love playing those too i should have played those today man i'll queue

those up after i take a break yeah i don't know how long you can stay like uh they were like um

classic uh canned music or just whatever yeah and then you would hear these a lot

so next year we got to do something really big for our anniversary i really wanted milkman to

be here so we can talk about this but i guess he's still working on his shit

well he's working on getting his skype situated you know i suppose so i'll call an ihop in the

yep we can ask for happy me too talk remember that oh this

fucking laptop of mine oh god it's got like a bad wire here and uh the screen i gotta keep tapping

the screen and keep it from going dark hey hey hey is this phone on in the toilet i hear an echo

Okay, hello.

Are you in the toilet?

I hear an echo.

Where are you answering from?

Who is this?

Oh, my name is Matthias.

I wanted to make an order, but it sounds like you're in the toilet right now in the bathroom.

No.

Okay, so can you hold, please?

Not really.

Well, I have a customer right here that needs my help right now.

Oh, you could take my order real quick, though, right?

Yeah, I guess so.

She doesn't want your patronage, apparently.

So, hey, man, you got to get it in her face.

Yeah.

Fuck no, I won't wait in line.

She wasn't too anxious to give you service.

You're going to be someone who's not going to know what that is.

Ew, but can you imagine she's in the...

What if you're like a prank caller or a killer marketer or a...

I don't know, a gangster.

A sexual pervert, right?

Thank goodness they're not here with us.

I could be a sexual deviant.

Good.

Milkman, what, are you drinking scotch over there, buddy?

Sounds like you're drinking scotch, Milkman.

Oh, can you hear me? I didn't even know if you could hear me.

Now we can finally, yeah.

Oh, okay, sorry.

No, no, no scotch, just strawberry.

We got strawberry cough shatter here, GDP.

And another nice little goody here is mango kush.

This is pretty good here, Hermano.

How much did you spend for all those, $90?

Let's see.

Let's see, $60.

Almost $70, about $69 and change.

And it'll last you how long, a week?

week more than that it lasts me about two weeks oh that's not bad that's oh man i the potency is

good and i don't need a lot and just to stay medicated and i'm okay and price is right so

it's just perfect dude you don't have to overdo it i suppose you could sit there and smoke it all

up on one night but i don't really do it to do that i just like for the medication purposes man

mostly just keep my medication yeah wink wink i got you you just want to take my waiting control

old dude you know i'm still way down on my weight because you smoke pot no i'd never smoked pot i

quit that shit years ago why would i do that you're treating yourself with cannabis oil cannabinol

medication yeah cannabis oil is terrible man make you lose weight you know like you know help you

cure your diabetes it does all these terrible things that the government and everybody doesn't

want us to know about and you know it's a shame man that everybody doesn't know how bad it is for

they're making sure that people find out one idiot at a time thank god thank god for nancy

reagan teaching me how bad it is who's the who's the famous guy that has the oil from

canada really like famous around the world i'll tell you burt reynolds

yeah hi yeah this is burt my name is burt reynolds yeah i'm with chevron uh corporate office okay

Okay, we need you to do a test of the generator.

You just need to go over to where the power breakers are and flip the switch for five seconds.

Okay.

And what's your name again?

My name is Matthias.

Okay.

Yeah, but everyone calls me Bert.

My last name is Reynolds.

Okay.

So Matthias Reynolds.

Everyone calls me Bert.

Where is that?

It's the main switch, the big main switch.

L to A.

It should be the biggest one there.

There, the biggest switch.

The switch itself, that's the biggest.

Is that for again?

It's for the, it's going to turn on the generator so it comes on for five seconds and goes off

just so we can test it here on the main computer machine.

Let me call Cactus.

Okay.

Yes, Cactus, I'm live.

Cactus, is that still a thing?

Yeah.

You just got to go all the way to find a key.

No.

Pull up a cactus and have a seat.

Here, have a seat here.

There you go.

Like the big round cactus, you know the one?

There you go.

I'm not the straight one that looks like a guy going high.

Well, the prom guest list one is more for the expert.

You know, you, bitch, Anna.

They're an expert because they have a big tall cat.

Ooh.

You got a big one.

Big, tall.

Okay.

See.

I don't know which one you're talking about.

There's one big one, honey.

There's one big one.

One big switch.

Well, that should be in the back, right?

Yep.

Are you there?

On the switch.

You pull it down.

Act as if you're pulling on the switch.

What's happening now?

Get speed to what's happening here.

What?

Because I'm totally lost to what's going on.

Oh, man.

What's going on?

The network is called Prank Call Nation.

I don't know if you knew that

It's an actual network

It's gonna take a switch to that

Or pull the switch to a prank call network

Yeah, that's where the show

Broadcasts on

It's a conglomeration between me

And Brad Carter and others

Others, I think

We got about

Other cack vegetable eyes

We got about 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

We got like 6, 7 hosts

I think

I'm just gonna put a plug in all of them

i will you should call everyone be like tucker mike.com is that around anymore tucker mike.com

you still got tug tug.com right t-u-g yeah hang on to that one

uh what am i the owner what sorry i wasn't paying attention we're waiting what are we waiting on

again what was going on guys we're waiting on the lady to pull the switch and take the cactus out

of her ass because we missed actually misguided her and told her the cactus was not dangerous

i hear people take a long time you know this is taking about the reverse redial around can we do

that call back while we're on hold and make sure she's still answering or she gave up or this take

a long time there's a lot of setup in these gags huh yeah hello yeah this take a long time okay

Okay, I don't know which one it is.

I don't want to press any buttons.

Oh, you can.

Yeah, it's okay.

I'm with the corporate office.

Go ahead.

Just do one at a time.

I'll tell you when we get the right one.

But, okay, which one do you want me to do?

P2A?

Yeah.

Okay, P2A.

So, okay.

Okay.

So, we are here.

So, the biggest one is the last one, like number 37, 3941.

Okay.

Go ahead and switch that.

Is that the one?

Yeah, go ahead.

That's it.

Okay.

That's the first one.

Okay, I did that one.

Okay, and all the other ones in there, go ahead and turn them off.

All of them?

Yeah.

Both sides?

Yeah.

What?

What happened?

The light off.

Okay, yeah, just keep going.

It'll come back on.

Is it back?

Yeah, you have to do them all and keep them all off.

Okay.

Just the ones on my left-hand side.

Okay, and the other side?

Hello?

Yeah, can you do the other side then?

Yeah, I'm looking for the flashlight because I'm not able to see now.

Oh, okay.

I'm doing the other side.

Okay.

Okay, they're all ready.

All of them are off.

And the phone is still working.

Good.

Very good.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

We'll leave those off for about 30 minutes and then switch them back on.

Half of them on.

And then wait another 10 minutes and do the top ones down.

And then in 22 minutes after that, do the bottom ones.

Okay.

So, say that again, please.

Okay.

Okay, in 30 minutes, do the left side.

In 45 minutes, do the top ones only.

And in 22 minutes, do the bottom ones.

And then flush the toilet.

Okay?

Okay, thank you.

Bye.

Two hours and two minutes?

Dude, I counted like 16 breakers at least.

I was trying to keep the count to click.

There's probably at least 16, man.

But you said P2A2, dude.

That's like pump number two.

Who is that?

Probably like Bank A2.

like he even shut the fucking pumps off outside she's gonna keep the pumps off for like a long

time probably people gonna be up her pound on the fucking window every minute i'd say another

three minutes we'd hurt people outside i'll call back in a little bit i'll call back in a little

bit i'll call back in a little bit and complain i'll just say are you guys closed

thank them thank them for doing that and let them know that everything worked out at corporate in

and we wanted to make sure that we tell them

that we appreciated their help.

It wasn't a hospital.

No, no, it was a Chevron gas station.

How many pump orders?

Probably, like, he already doesn't swipe your car

and got canceled on that, like, off, off.

Like in the middle of pumping.

I just hope you don't make these poor immigrants, you know,

cut off something vital like, you know, the oil line

or, you know, the breaker system.

Yeah, no, no, it's just like

like if the power went off or i guess just half went off the lights because the phones are still

working you'd expect the phone to be tied up ip don't melt melt all the uh smokers ice cream in

the back yeah from all those kids poor kids come in the hot sun and smoke that ice cream in the

back it's all melted because some immigrant started switching off switches because they

don't know better when someone prank calls call them and do anything strange on the phone says

to him yeah and the beer is going to be warm the ice cream is going to be melted

the soda the soda machine's not going to be working the slurpee is going to be melted

check spaces after all that if they figure it out what happened oakman you like del taco you

ever been to del taco del taco is pretty good for cheap ass shit yeah yeah they got some

interesting stuff on their menu compared to taco bell yeah wednesday wednesday was a taco uh was

was a taco special on wednesdays oh yeah taco wednesday hell yeah man we don't have them up

here in norcal not where i'm at but they're really big in la and yeah they're not too bad they're

okay for a cheap taco you know they're better than definitely better than taco bell i mean

they're just a different form of taco is there a time between taco day and hump day i think so

i think that makes sense yeah it's a good point i know a lot of people cash in on that taco

Wednesday. It's like $1.99 or some

shit. So when's Banana Day?

Banana Day is Wednesday too.

I didn't know if you knew that.

It's also Tuna Day.

Margarine Day.

Milk Day. Coconut

Day. I like Milk Day.

That's my day, man. Thursday.

Fur Burger Day. Oh, hell yeah.

Put me down for two.

One on the left. Footlong

Subway Sandwich Day. Stattin' right along

to KDK. Here's your

footlong. It's strange that ladies night

is Thursday.

Right?

Yeah.

That's why Madhouse

is on Thursday.

Oh, yes,

it's ladies night.

Mood is rad.

Destination America.

I wonder what that is.

Sounds like that

might be closed.

Fuck.

Arizona Tile

is going to be closed.

Well, it's like

five something.

Let's see.

Again, we're celebrating

nine years of Madhouse

radio today.

Hence me doing

an actual Madhouse show

as opposed to

what I've been doing

normally,

which is just doing

live prank calls.

Who cares?

Fuck your slab yard.

I've got a slab yard for you.

Fuck a tile.

Bagman.

Think they're open? Probably not.

But if they are, it's going to be funny.

Here goes Bagman.

Maybe we'll move on to Honolulu.

And we can also call Puerto Rico or something.

That'd be fun.

There you go, Honolulu.

A little Hawaiian campaign.

How long until you get home, dude?

Dude, you've been on the road for like two hours.

How long does it take you to get home?

Actually, I'm like about a block from the house now.

Jesus.

Well, dude, you don't want to believe the shit-ass traffic I had to go through, man.

We've got every idiot fucking East Bay area here.

Bagman's closed.

Yeah, and smoking pot in their cars like Milkman was just doing.

Oh, no, no, don't smoke pot in your car.

Exactly.

I would definitely agree with that.

Never smoke pot in your car, man.

The pain of driving.

The pain.

I need a med kit.

Smoke pot in your bowl or your vaporizer or your joint paper, but just don't smoke in your car, man.

Your Bible pages.

The pain.

Oh, God.

The pain.

Wait.

Unless your car happens to be a bong.

You're like, I hope there's bad traffic so I can treat my pain.

I got the exhaust pumping right into the cabin.

Shit.

Burning on weed oil.

that's what they ought to do dude you know they've said that for a long time go fucking bio dude as

soon as they actually legalize it they can take the oil and make fuel out of it and this shit

grows like crazy that would be one of the easiest ways to solve the problem without even fracking

wow and would it be like up in smoke where the car was made out of weed and you could smell the

exhaust and get high you could do that easily right because you can make you know all kinds

the polymers and shit from the old stuff but just you can actually just the oil alone is an energy

source well there's a scene in that where like the cop pulls over uh cheech and chong and he is

as he gets out of off his bike and he's in the exhaust he gets all stowed he just lets him go

as long as they give him their right he's like hey man he's like what do you want

Oh, can I get that hot dog?

Like, yeah, sure, man.

Once he did, Chong's like, sure, man.

Like, all right.

He said he keeps shaking his head.

Remember he said he keeps sniffing and shaking his head?

He's got the California

Chips helmet on.

That's the same shit they wear.

Hello?

Yeah, Taco Bell?

It's a piece of shit. Del Taco's better.

You know? I'm at Del Taco right now.

It's way better. I'm sorry?

I'm at Del Taco now.

It's way better than this shit.

Oh, really?

Yeah, it's good.

It's better.

It's more Mexican.

If you're Mexican and you work for Taco Bell, you're a race trader, eh?

Who's this?

Valente.

Eddie Valente.

Oh, okay.

Uh-huh.

Are you Cholo?

No.

No?

Where are you from?

Where are you from, sexy?

What the?

Huh?

Where are you from?

Well, very uncomfortable.

Yeah.

Okay.

Hey, sexy Cholo.

You got me.

Sexy Cholo.

Are you Sexy Cholo?

I should call back.

Let me call him back.

Ask him if he's a Sexy Cholo.

Too late.

In about five minutes, maybe, man.

I'll go for it.

Go for it.

Too late now.

The fat is in the fire.

Yeah, are you Sexy Cholo?

Who is this?

Are you a Sexy Cholo?

Yeah, I need to talk to a Sexy Cholo boy.

Motherfucker.

Eddie Garcia.

Yeah, don't call again.

During his work hours.

I'll have to be close.

All right, Bucca di Beppo.

You Bucca di Beppo.

Yo, you Bucca.

Your face is a Bucca di Beppo.

Thank you for calling Bucca di Beppo, Nan.

Hi, I'm not featuring in the summer dishes.

This is Alex.

Hi, my name is Sambo.

I need to make reservations there for my family.

You have family-style food there, right?

Like it's all family-style?

Yeah, we do.

So we sit together at the table and share off the same dishes and everything?

Yeah, a small feed's two to three and a large feed's four to six.

All right, and we can get into fights like at the house that we do all the time?

Because my dad flips...

Do the tables move?

Because my dad flips over tables all the time when we get...

We get into a fight every time we all get together.

And he usually flips over the table with the food on it.

So are the tables stationary or do they move?

It depends on what kind.

Well, can you find out?

Okay, give me just one moment.

Don't take too long, okay?

Because tonight's been happening too much and people take too long on the line.

and we've got to keep moving, you know?

Okay, give me just one moment.

Okay.

So I've got to tell her we've got to keep moving the show, you know?

Yeah, you wouldn't even think so.

We need a taxi, Cholita. Taxi, Cholita.

You like how I told her that.

We've got to keep moving. Come on.

It's sexy, Cholita.

I've got an average prank call handle time.

You're still in the flip switches.

Yeah, I know, right?

We burned all our discretionary time on that one call.

No one, yeah, no one...

I'm going to hear a 9th, 10th anniversary Frank Pongo show about someone taking two hours to learn how to flip a switch.

Right.

She's, oh, I don't know what switch and which switch and which box, and I see two boxes.

Oh, God, everything.

It says LPA 2 and 1, and I don't know.

I'm not going to get a key.

Shut up and just do it.

I got to pee.

Well, you better just get out the old bottle there.

Pee jug here, buddy.

Tuck, you're on a call now.

You're stuck.

Tuck, just to let you know, Mr. Nunu in the chatroom says you're a wanker and a pillock.

Thank you, I think.

Nothing has changed.

Yep.

He's still a homosexual?

He's still a homosexual with a speech impediment.

That's what he tells me every week.

Every Thursday night.

Hi, Nunu.

I don't know.

How you doing, man?

I don't know.

My only prank for a soundboard

because I have an impediment.

I don't know if that's true.

I don't talk funny.

This is normal.

That might be true.

How about your impediment?

Thank you for holding.

You had a question about our table?

Yeah, I want to make sure they're stationary

because my father usually gets into a fight

whenever the whole family gets together

and he always flips over a table when that happens.

Okay, well, we definitely don't want him

getting into any fights here.

Yeah, well, just an argument,

but then he flips over the table with all the food on it.

Yeah, we wouldn't really want that to happen at all.

I know.

So are the tables attached to the floor, or do they move?

No, they move, so...

Oh, shit.

Fuck, damn it.

All right, bye.

Okay, then.

We'll get you to hang up on you.

Fuck you, too.

God damn.

He wasn't very cooperative.

I got that.

There, you can pass it in.

He just went, oh.

So sensitive.

God.

Excuse me.

I'm home now.

Does this make any difference in the signal or not?

Yeah, you're way better now.

Okay.

All right.

Well, I'm going to fire up this big.

What do we want?

Your hit first.

We want GDP, Mango Kush, Strawberry Cough Shatter, or Platinum OG Hash.

What's your pick?

In honor of my cat, Mango, Mango Kush.

All right.

There you go.

Oh, I knew you was going to say that because that's exactly what I was hoping you'd say.

Mango Kush.

That is the best kitty.

And he's the best kitty.

Yeah.

That's right.

Nice kitty.

He is a straight out ginger cat.

Yeah?

Does he hang out outside?

Does he hang out outside and mack it to the cat hole?

He's like, hey, I'm a cool cat.

If you've been taking pictures of your kitty, you've had some pretty good kitty pictures, too.

Mm-hmm.

Black and white.

Yeah, buddy, let me see where I'm at on my music.

I'm working on it.

Make sure next time to put on the two-legged kitty pictures.

I see a lot of comments.

I know.

I'm working on that.

Show your titties.

Thank God.

Show your titties.

That's such an obscure Madhouse resident reference, but I love it.

Show your titties.

Tag knows what's going on, man.

He's been around a couple days or so.

He's not a new Madhouse-er.

Yeah, he probably is.

Yeah, he used to say that a lot.

Show your titties.

But it came from a phone call I had with Jonathan, I think, once where he says,

Show your titties, spring break.

I was, I don't remember what it was exactly, but what we were talking about, or it was just a strange little saying that just kind of like zapped in front of the brain because I was either drunk or high.

And then I just, you know, just, you know, kind of envisioned myself like a film like 1970s roadie or something from all the famous and stuff like rock and roll, rock and roll.

So we all did.

yeah okay so here's how the rest of it happened now okay so we've heard two-thirds of the story

yeah the third of it was at that time during the chat maven used to show up and show her titties

and type pictures of them in the chat all the time a long time ago exactly when all this came

about so subliminally this all sunk in and this is how it got started i don't know what they got

That is exactly the process.

So you told your side of it, Carlito told it, and that's the rest of it.

It was started in the chat with Maven before part of the idea came from.

Hey, guys, I got to pee.

I got to pee.

So we're going to pee.

I said go pee.

Let me go pee real quick.

Take the mic out of your hand first.

I'll be right back.

Lord Jesus Christ, Savior, and Heaven.

having a good time

good good milk manager having some mango i just passed i just passed the mango over to your buddy

and i ain't gonna pass it to you just mixing my tree drink going around 70s style man

we'll continue just a moment the high times out all right i'm back now i do have a do you still

do the high times convert uh cartoon high buds high buds high buds do you still do high buds

Do you still do

High Buds cartoons?

Because I don't know

if you do or not

because like if you do

I have to finally

get a subscription again.

He's probably got

signal problems

so he'll be back.

Hey, what's happening?

Oh, did you ask me a question?

What'd you say?

Yeah, about High Buds.

Milkman's asking

what about High Buds?

You're still working on it?

He had a real nice

comedy strip

he had produced

like as

a lot of people

don't remember

you know, long, long ago

Tuck has always been

one of the artists

for the original Madhouse

from way back

from 00000

and he had his own

comic strip you made

that was pretty

fucking funny

and I'm just asking

if it's still up

and can I get a

subscription to it

again

HiBuds

HiBuddies.com

I believe is still

up and running

and that's it

there was a

hundred there

strips

I did a web series

in like

what 10, 11

and that was

fun and that was

great and that was

a great experience

one of the main

experiences being

ooh

just a lot of work

to do when you

when you're doing

Doing a syndicated strip of any kind.

Regular strip?

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

Well, your hand had to get tired.

So, sometimes I didn't fully outright own it.

And I lost the ability to do it because I don't feel the guy who employed me to do it.

We're kind of on the same wavelength creatively.

A creative difference.

And business-wise, it just, you know, didn't do what, you know.

we set out to do

and

that's a little

it happens sometimes

it's just like that

we'll get back around to it

you got soft on you

I don't think

I don't think it's gonna come back

okay

well

okay

I just thought I would

ask you about that

cause I thought that was

one of the fun things

you pulled off in a long time

and I just

didn't know whatever

happened with that

well thanks for sharing that

and it really expounded

my

thing in that world

and

just like

these days

my brain isn't

in that

there, Lee, and...

Do you still do classic radio shows anymore?

Do you still have any of your radio shows?

I remember, like, OTR. I got a hell

of a collection, dude. And, oh, yeah.

After the show, make sure I get

with you, because I'm going to cut you in on

my stash. I got all of CBS

Radio Mystery Theater there ever was.

Plus some stuff that was, like, not

released.

I mean, yeah, maybe we could

put up a stream and just play

that old shit somewhere. I don't know.

And just... Hey, whatever, dude.

I thought I would just share my archive

because there's about like 4,000 or more

of these classic shows, dude, that were done

and I used to listen to them as a kid

and this is like what I told you about my favorite

well, since those years ago we talked

about it, I've acquired all

the recorded collection of it.

Oh, people were talking about old

scratchy things.

Do you have Full Bones Follies?

No, no, no, this is CBS Radio

Mystery Theater, so this is not near scratchy.

This is pretty good quality. This would have been like

Like, seven is quality.

Oh, yeah, exactly.

Well, still, you know, these kids, anything that's, like, you know, 20 years old is, like, you know, the millennials, you know, they don't know anything.

Yeah, and they got to know.

They got to know.

Because remember when Swing came back?

Remember when my generation brought Swing back and we were, like, dancing, like, to the Swing music?

About my generation.

People talk.

I see a movie channel.

It's not a bad movie.

I just think it's a bad movie.

Me.

Hi, Colleen.

I'm Tevron.

This is Marlene.

How can I help you?

Yeah, hi.

I came by and the lights are off.

Are you guys open or what?

Yes, we're open.

We're just resetting the breakers, but everything is okay.

Okay, is the gasoline working?

Everything is working just normal.

So when the light's coming back on then, motherfucker?

Excuse me?

When the light's coming back on then.

When the light's coming back on.

Excuse me?

I put my hands out to look for you.

I'm really there again

I choose me

I love that

I choose me

well my dad says

accuse me

he says

accuse me

that's what my dad says

accuse me

he said that so many times

accuse me

Carlos

accuse me

like he would find like he would find cigarettes in my bedroom he was like excuse me

explain i need you to explain something i need you to explain explain explain no it's just

explain explain explain explain i need you to explain it's called donut sandwiches man i go

for that right now donut sandwich oh shit uh swiss cheese swiss cheese man yeah and cream

cream cheese no no swiss cheese man and like some turkey no gravy on the side no no dip it

dead donuts and gravy gross why no no get out of here with that how about like chicken gravy

here's a place whose name when translated to english is tacos and octopus

p-a-k-k-o is it all right i'm trying yes it's tacos with an apostrophe s and puposas with

With an apostrophe S.

They're all fucked up in this place.

They're stupid.

No, but we got pupusas and that shit up here, too.

It's tacos, tacos.

Hey, tacos and pupusas, huh, honey, baby?

You know what?

How about, can we get an order maybe from Turkish food?

Would that be okay?

Or, no, okay?

What?

Before the night's over?

Order Turkish food?

Oh, no, we can't do that, Milkman, no.

No more Turkish food?

No, no.

Never mind, sorry.

Moving right along.

Tacos y pupusas.

Yeah, hello.

That sounds good.

Hey, I got Tuck.

Hello.

Tuck's going to order a Happy Meal.

I need the tacos.

Hello.

I don't need the tacos.

I'm on the phone talking to the tacos because I need tacos.

Aw.

It doesn't matter what you're talking to me.

She don't know.

She's telling him I need tacos.

Tell him, Marilene.

I'm trying to hear him.

Tell him, Marilene.

Cute.

Good afternoon, Tacos y Pupusas.

Go ahead.

Hello.

Yeah, Tuck's going to talk to you.

Talk.

I need tacos. I was talking to the man.

See, so I need tacos. Lots and lots of tacos.

I need tacos, tacos. Because I hear taco has the best tacos.

Can you hear me? I need four dozen tacos.

Okay, four tacos. What kind of beef do you need?

No, no, no. Four dozen tacos.

Excuse me?

And they have to be taco tacos.

Excuse me?

Yes, explain.

We have three lines. I don't know who's talking.

Listen to the voice style of yourself.

Yeah, I hear two voices different.

I want you to silence your mind and listen to yourself, and then you will know the answers to me.

Yeah, okay.

You can be in and out if you need to, but you don't really need to.

I was just, because the tacos is what we need.

We don't need, but we would like to have tacos for dinner.

You know what I'm saying?

Uh-huh.

Are you with me?

Yes.

So that would be great.

So 12 dozen tacos tacos.

Okay.

For our dinner.

Mm-hmm.

When can we...

She hung on that long to hang up there, really?

Wow.

Good work, Tuck.

She couldn't answer me.

I know, yeah.

And that was, yeah.

I just...

She's like, no, no, no, I hang up.

I showed her up.

Take off.

Yeah.

Sure did, man.

No, no.

No, I hang up now.

This is the time where I had a break planned, so I'm going to take the break.

It'll be a short break.

It'll be a short one because I just, yeah, I took a break.

But this is the mandatory break for our sponsors and affiliates.

Ah, tacos, tacos.

Tacos, tacos.

So when we come back, we'll do more prank calls.

We might move on from that.

You have those queued up, those two?

Oh, yes.

Yeah, I do.

Yeah, we're going to be playing Milkman's music, motherfucker.

motherfucker yeah how did you make this what did you use an iMac what'd you use man oh all I did

was just plug it into the amp and record it directly from the amplifier wow do you have

like a keyboard do you wear like sunglasses inside you're like no no no dude man I wear

cheap sunglasses man I don't have no damn keyboard well you think I got money man I play

axe you get those free sunglass shades that they give you at the eye doctor the cheap sunglasses

are the best you know like they they they fold out they go over your ears made out of cardboard

they got little like film they give them to you whenever you go get your eyes expanded it's the

doctor yeah i always take my i take my bright orange oakley's i'm like fuck it i don't care

i'm cool i do i had i had that surgery in my eye and i had to bring uh sunglasses to wear and i wore

those and they're all like you look like everyone's talking about how cool your sunglasses are like

like yeah they're like 180 oakley's but they're like super bright orange and they said we're used

to old people coming out of here with like these big you know dorky eyed sunglasses and you come

out like these razors yeah and i came out with like you know these fresh oakley's you know all

orange fire red with the blades and all that oakley on the side they're like oh damn what's

up player we gotta order a set i'm gonna have to find a set of those x-ray glasses that doc

Doc Johnson used to sell back in the day, and all they were was just a pair of H&Xs that had x-rays, had like swirls around them.

It looked like a hole.

Good.

All right, we're going to take a break.

I'll be right back.

You're listening to House Live on the largest station.

J.C. Mango.

Death Radio, right after this.

Tell me 40,000 people are coming here.

Sit here.

Is that video?

What is it?

Video equipment rental machines?

Yes.

Yeah, this is 24-7 support.

I need support. I got a PT-DX800UK machine, and I need support.

Somebody went at it with a baseball bat.

Really? Okay.

Let me go ahead and connect you over to somebody.

You said, what was it again?

PT-DX800UK projector machine.

Projector, okay.

Yeah, I got really mad, and I took a baseball bat to it.

This needs to get fixed because I got a presentation tomorrow.

We got to get this going.

Okay, one second.

Okay.

yeah listen i got the px i got the ptdx 800 uk projector machine for the television machine

and show the video off to all these motherfuckers that are going to be here tomorrow i couldn't get

it to work the vga to work it kept showing green and i got so mad i took a baseball bat to it and

i hit it a whole bunch of times because it was defective i got mad i got angry and mad at it

because it was defective and i broke it for i didn't break it though i tried to fix it with

with a baseball bat i should say well well that'll end up going to your insurance then

no well because it wasn't working before i started doing it it doesn't matter and ignorance

is a law is no excuse no listen ignorance of the law is no excuse that well whatever i got you

but in the meantime we need to get this fixed motherfucker well you don't need to swear at me

god damn it i if you got excuse me god damn it hang up yeah i don't have to swear at him

who's got the echo over there milkman milkman put your headphones in milkman oh i thought they

were on sorry dude no i had it on mute and as usual these piece of shit androids you can't

always tell when the button's activated i apologize that was intentional as usual

like me and you do yeah when you got fat fingers like me and you do guilty of masturbating got

got caught i can't help it man i miss you maven here's a place called fryer tux i think this is

funny for tuck to prank call it's a tuxedo shop tuck you gotta do it he's got a g in there for

sure tuxedo fryer tux tuxedo gotcha hi fryer tux shop and then how many is javier how can i help

you hello javier how are you doing listen i need something five hours is that possible it is

possible how soon can you come in I close at 8 o'clock so I think I can make

it yeah do you what do you do okay okay so you just measure me tell you the

measurements or does it matter or first you select your style then we measure

you okay do the order takes about an hour right for us to get the items

right okay all right so and then we get right on right in the car to Vegas from

there right you could uh and it's not good yeah well yeah we can we should be thinking we can work

that out because you may not have had the we're doing this regardless we're running a getting

married thing right uh uh is it just white or you have the styles if it's a varies or what

you can tell a black tuxedo so normally the black tuxedo and then the color you could wear uh

you know a black tie if you want to just look traditional with a with a black bow tie and a

black vest that looks nice always next to you know any dress she wants red in it red you could

do a red vest and a red tie a bow tie or tie that looks nice as well okay right so she wants red

and i think has to be red she wants like red bib i don't know what that means but red bib so

So she says, rib-bib yourself.

And so I'm saying maybe the vest or the shirt is red?

We have both options.

So, you know, whatever you think looks nicer.

Okay.

Do they have any ruffles?

We actually do, yes.

We have ruffles, but they're not in red.

Century, you know, oh, I'm a big old princey poof running around the castle ruffles or something like this.

It's a nice ruffle shirt.

It's a white shirt with black ruffles.

Okay.

Okay. A little prince in the ruffles?

Yes, correct.

Yeah, like little stars or like...

It's just the ruffles.

Okay. You know, I'm just...

My brain is churning at 300,000 miles a minute,

and I'm probably making no sense to you right now.

I'm on my way over, and so I'm just...

Thank you for just on the line with me

and just talking to me as I myself do this crazy thing.

No worries. No worries.

yeah stop by we'll get something here for you i've never even told the girl up to this point

i loved her wow i've been running away from it for forever so it's like now kennedy wait my

that sounds stupid to complete my life but it's true isn't it hey yeah you know you find the

person the right person some people that never find that person and you know yeah and you don't

know that until that was all you you hear stuff like that you just kind of roll your eyes and

and then people

big things

making sense

and like oh

this is the secret

of life

just right in front

of you

yeah

definitely

yeah

hold on to it

or you know

definitely

yeah

yeah just stop

stop by

we'll get

you going

and we'll make

sure you have

something

by tonight

okay

you know what

she means

by the whole

red bib thing

red bib

bib

yeah

um

not 100%

sure but

here let me

google it

maybe

whatever she

wants to do

Yeah, that's what it whatever she's a babe. I think I think a baby babe

Really? Okay, man. More like though more like the ruffle. Maybe yeah, you're like in the collar

I'm in the color, but in the sleeve this ruffles. Yes, you do ruffly

at the end of the

Throughout the throughout the middle and the sleeves

Okay, like I just kind of like those the way those look on the sleeves, you know and how much worse by the cost

Cost on the rentals will start off with the package at $99.95.

That's going to be your coat, your pants, your shirt, your vest, your tie, your studs, the cufflinks, and the shoes.

Okay, cool.

Come on, cut that.

It's freaking crazy.

Yeah, so is there anything I'm forgetting?

No.

Are the ruffles, can they be purple?

Purple ruffles?

It's red.

Yeah, oh.

It's completely blood red.

But could we change that for purple?

Do you think there's any room?

It's justified blood red.

It's blood red.

Okay.

Yeah.

All right.

Maybe a purple head.

A head.

Maybe.

Purple head.

A head.

Yeah?

Head.

Purple head.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Or a purple head.

Like a purple erection.

Well, we'll get that eventually.

Yeah.

It's always harder than that.

Yeah.

Yeah, totally.

Maybe we can get some bruises on him.

Do you guys have any costume makeup we can put some bruises on him on his face and his

neck?

Ooh, she'd like that.

Yeah.

No, but there's a 99 cent store near to here, so you could always just stop by and get the

makeup there yeah but we what we can maybe you guys could help out uh put like two little fang

marks like where he got bit on the neck with the dripping blood and everything and we'll give him

some like i just show up on site like that in full i mean if you could convince my co-worker

she's actually a makeup artist oh okay if you could do his makeup like those uh vampire uh

teenage movie what's it called you know what i'm talking about like that yeah yeah you make him

looking like a twilight yeah yeah yeah um yeah just go ahead and come in we'll talk a little

more once you're here all right motherfucker yeah all right motherfucker you know fuck yeah

yeah you want to do a masturbation contest you know you got seriously yeah no do you guys want

to do a masturbation contest right now before we hang up you think that's appropriate it's not

appropriate that's what i'm asking no of course it's not appropriate i mean before we just get

into it i thought i'd ask first that's why you got your opening stuff in the box man i've been

in that box for forever, man.

I'm breaking out of the box, dude.

Yeah.

Come on, let's just leave it here.

Leave something here on the line

before we hang up

and never cross paths again.

Yeah, because it's a waste of time

that we're doing this

and we don't have a payoff.

All right.

Circle chair.

Three, two, one.

That's a pretty mind shot.

We are North Star.

Satan has ejaculated.

When Luke is happy,

he'll float the floor

under the sea.

Under the sea.

There he goes.

finally we seem to lost the connection there satanic masturbation beautiful

oh god oh jesus i forgot how to do this

i lost yeah you lose you always lose milkman you always take too long because i get too excited

because of your medication that you're on it takes you a little longer i know

and you already masturbate a lot so well come on man what do you expect a little while ago how

How do you think I got my mic button accidentally unplugged?

Oh, yeah.

Fapping.

Fapping away.

Fapping, hermanito.

I'm guilty.

I love the madhouse.

Oh, hey, did either of you two hear this prank call I did during the World Cup?

Now that the World Cup is over.

Did you guys hear it?

No.

Let me see if I can find it real quick.

It's really funny.

Milkman, you're going to love it.

Tuck, you'll like it, too.

All right.

So while I find it here, I'll lay the case down.

So during the World Cup, Greece played Costa Rica.

i don't know if you remember a few weeks ago and they played to a tie and it went into extra time

and they still weren't they still were scoreless and then after that uh there was a shootout and

greece lost to costa rica oh i think shot greece well no it was like it's not a shootout i like

that that's funny i was thinking texas no no no not like that there was a soccer i know they get

crazy out there so i don't know oh man yeah they do get crazy though those greeks with that shit

that oh i would have no idea what date that was someone in the chat room can you tell me what

date that was please what it was uh oh fuck that greek one i think it was early july maybe july

first i think it's this one i think it was on the first let's see and

i'm white you are i gotta scan yeah what was your name i might use

it for other reasons you can definitely come in we'll help you okay i got five okay i'm gonna

gonna fuck them all in the ass if you would like to leave a message i like listening to little bits

of the show this is getting through really fast well not that that's a show that's just me doing

prank calls um yeah i'm remiss to figure out what date it was damn you guys would have liked it too

motherfuckers can't find your little clippy clip uh well you know what i can do i can look up what

date that match was greece costa rica match all right looks like it would have been the 28th or

the 27th so let me go back here and look 28th 27th okay now we're getting warmer all right

here's one from the 27th this might be it hey hermano yeah how would you get from miami to uh

orlando orlando is that 95 you got two options you can take the turnpike which is faster but

but it costs money because of the tolls.

Or you can take 95 up to Eustis and then take Colonial,

take 50, State Road 50 east or west to get into Orlando.

So what would traffic be like about an hour ago?

Not too bad, Dan, if you didn't use the turnpike?

Not too bad.

As long as it's not an accident, the turnpike's pretty good.

It moves pretty well.

It moves better than 95 does.

Do you need to take 95 if it's time about an hour ago,

or what do you think?

No, I'm going to take the Turnpike at this time of night.

Yeah.

Yeah, unless it's like a holiday weekend or something like that,

you're pretty good on the Turnpike as opposed to 95

because 95 goes through a lot of towns and there's a lot of backups.

It's a principal road through Fort Lauderdale and West Palm Beach.

How much was it total?

I forget.

Was it like $6 or something?

I was trying to remember because I had a friend that had messaged me.

I was just thinking about that.

I don't know.

I always took 95 because I was cheap.

i took the turn back a few times but i think it was like around eight bucks maybe one way

from miami yeah it wasn't that bad no matter what the traffic once you get into south florida is

going to be shit no matter where you are to be honest with you so i was just thinking coming

out of miami and what the traffic was all right man cool thank you sir listen hang on let me see

if i can find this long time orlando native folks call back at 10 o'clock this sounds like it's all

Oh, music then.

Pharmacist inferior?

I don't think it's this one.

That sounds like a jam.

Excuse me?

Why does it take so long to get a hold of you?

Because I'm the only operator and I was backup cashiering.

What do you mean you were backup cashiering?

Backup cashiering is when you have to go back up on the lane because there's too many people.

Oh, that's nice, honey.

Is that why?

That's why I had to sit here and hold and wait for so long?

All right, so they're saying it was 2.15.30 on the 29th episode.

of June 29th. That's what they're saying

in the chat. So that will be this file.

I don't know how to make some cider.

No, uh...

Yeah, here we are. Here we are. Because now

I'm hearing the game going on in the background.

Alright, so anyway, this Greek guy is going to get

really pissed off because I'm calling him

within five seconds of

Greece getting the loss.

I'm not going to spoil it. I'm just telling you.

I'm not going to spoil it.

Five seconds before

this Greece just lost

the World Cup, and I'm calling the owner

of a greek restaurant now to give him shit about it presumed to be the owner all right

and you know what i'll fuck your here we go here we go

yeah you fuckers lost

you lose motherfucker you lose motherfucker

Let me tell you what.

Why don't you go and fuck yourself?

Piece of shit, Greek. Piece of shit.

I'm a piece of shit?

You're a motherfucker, fucking idiot.

You're a malaka, fucking...

If I hear you coming on me, I'll show you who's malaka.

Yeah, I'll fuck your mom in front.

I'm a stupid idiot.

Yeah, piece of shit.

Okay? You're a fucking stupid motherfucker.

That's what you are.

And you know what? I'll fuck your mom, your dad,

whoever your fucking family, motherfucker.

Fucker fuck you. I'm Costa Rican and I'm better than you. You know what fuck Costa Rica for Costa Rica

I will go fuck Costa Rica today. I'm gonna fuck to Costa Rican today. I'll show you who fuck who motherfucker piece of shit

Yeah, we fucked you

You fuck you we fuck Greece

Yeah, you fuck yourself you motherfucker

Okay, hey police is coming nobody okay

Oh, fuck you, fuck you, your family, all Costa Rica, plus all your fucking country, whatever you have left.

Bitch, that's what you are, you fucking bitch.

You loser.

I'm a loser?

Yeah.

I'm a loser, I'm a fucking loser, because I fuck you anytime I want, bitch.

Yeah, but you still suck at football.

You suck my dick, that's what you do.

Pustis.

You understand that?

You pustis?

Yeah, pusty, pusty, you have my dick in your ass, you pusty.

Yeah, you want it because you're pusties.

Okay, okay, you want my...

You track the number? You track the number?

Listen.

Okay, we got the number.

You know what? I'm going to call the fucking cops,

or I'm going to call my friend, Mafia,

and I'm going to come and kick your ass up there.

Yeah, fuck you.

I'm going to get you fucking pieces, bitch.

Fuck you.

I'm going to cut you pieces from your dick up to your fucking head,

because that's where you deserve to be.

Wait.

You have your balls? Wait.

Okay, come, I can fuck your friend.

number because if you don't know the number i'm gonna i'm gonna call my friends now fuck you

i have bigger dick because i'm from costa rica yeah wow he is very mad yeah so there you go

got your dick up to your balls from your dick up to your head

i'm gonna chop you up in pieces yeah he was all for all because of soccer for his football

football all because of that you got all wound up like that shit

well all together combined between mixler and shoutcast we have 162 people tuned in

so thank you everyone for tuning in

Yes, Request a Prank is down

and it won't be coming back

because it was abused so much.

Pauly Trends wants me to prove

that yes, we are on live.

You let the wrong people in

and the wrong people will touch it.

All trouble.

It's 9.22 p.m. Eastern, 6.22 p.m. Pacific.

I see Pauly Trends on my Facebook.

Pauly Trends, the code is 666.

That is the number that you told me to prove myself that I am live.

I am live.

Well, I know that he's on my Facebook, so I saw that.

That's definitely live because I'm not at talk about this ever on air.

People think because we're on and it's Tuck and Milkman and me

and I haven't done a show in forever.

Oh, it must be another recorded show.

It must be another.

Time warp.

Don't you say you're live?

I guess.

It does say I'm live, but people, they don't believe.

They don't believe in the prophet anymore, Tuck.

You know?

Well, the prophet is whoever is speaking at any given moment.

Of course.

The prophet is still here.

The prophet is alive.

And the prophet is...

I'm going to keep doing shows, not regular anymore,

like these full-blown production shows.

I'm just going to be doing the Madhouse radio shows

for special days like today, which is our 9th anniversary.

And I'm sure Thanksgiving...

we can't miss thanksgiving and christmas time we'll do a show you know 420 maybe milkman's

birthday milkman's birthday halloween we'll do a show every year at that time you know

you can still catch me if you pay attention to my facebook or twitter um you'll see when i'm

doing a live show uh well not a show but i'm actually just going on and i'm doing prank calls

for my podcast which i'm going to keep going but i'll do them live instead of just doing them on

On my own, I just basically flip a switch and broadcast it.

And whatever's good is good.

What's not is not.

You know, but it's not going to be a show.

Yeah.

But I am retired still from doing this regular radio weekly show.

Yes, I am.

Done with it.

I'm over it.

And how's your retirement going for you?

Are you cashing in a check?

I'm getting in plenty of good time.

I'm making good use out of my time, you know.

And I got some projects going on.

All right, the first project I got going on.

He gets a lot of royalties, Tuck, from the AT&T Security Services for every quarter that was put in on the calls, dude.

He gets like 1% of that back.

I do.

Listen, I'm working on a book, actually, a prank call-related book that's going to have Madhouse's story in it,

a lot of the shit that I've talked about, some shit I haven't talked about.

that'll be hopefully by my 10 year anniversary i'm going to be uh releasing that hopefully

i never got oh anyway yeah yeah man let me know when that comes out listen don't bullshit me i

won't by the 10th anniversary i'm putting this mission on myself to release this book well then

make sure you send me my fucking cd finally no one cares cds are bullshit now i'm not going to

get into the whole printing yeah the making the cds and the labels i'm talking about me okay i'll

just settle for the boob how about that okay well i can't find those anymore they don't sell them

anymore all right i'm about this forget it man it's done it's still funny milkman i got you a

headset all right for christmas two years ago i got you a pretty nice expensive headset that you

You actually told me today that you lost.

It was all of, like, 19

tax from Amazon. It is a fucking bomb

ass headset. I'm not belittling it.

The guy is very cool and gracious.

It's more than 19 plus tax,

motherfucker. I couldn't care any help.

19 plus tax, my ass, mama. I didn't

spend 19 plus tax on you for a headset.

I don't know how...

I'm joking.

It was more than that. It was a Christmas

gift. You're wrong.

I love it.

I'm telling you, I loved it, man.

That's what they said.

I told everybody, you're a gracious man.

I mean, dude, I couldn't get on the air, and the guy sent me a fucking headset.

I didn't have enough money for a headset.

It was a bad week, well, a bad month, actually, and the guy helped me out.

I just wanted to say thank you.

The nice, hard-to-go stupid part.

Or spitting is a common side effect of speaking Klingon.

Until you are used to it, keep a napkin or handkerchief nearby.

cut the lights down real quick while i'm ready come on are you ready this is my brother i love

who are you darn it pay attention your whole check for extra direct oh shit what don't stop it i got

this girl and she wants me to do something we're calling 24-hour fitness with state-of-the-art

equipment certified personal trainers and more than 400 clubs open up to 24 hours we're committed

to helping you meet your goals on your time if you know your party's extension you may dial it

now for new membership information press one no for club address and directions press two

for the club operating hours press three for kids club hours press four for group exercise

information press five for member services press six to repeat these options press start

This is supposed to be 24-hour fitness, motherfucker.

Oh, fuck it.

24 hour my ass

Them bitches

They hammer your ass

I tried to get into

One of their

Memberships

And they want

83 fucking dollars a month

Just to start out

Holy shit

83

Really

Dude you could get

A treadmill for that

And you get yourself

A nice property

Like Tuck

Tuck has a nice property

You go do some cross country

You know

Tuck you do some exercise

Well, hell, you've got those bluegrass acres out there, man.

I mean, that's the way to go.

You don't need no damn treadmill, man.

Just go out there with your camera.

Shit, man.

Go out and bring back a whole sack full, man.

You're all right sitting on that sack of seeds, right, Tuck?

Chewing on a cattail.

So good.

Yeah.

Tuck, do you have how much property?

How big is your acreage?

Could you, like, in theory, walk around naked and no one would know?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Why don't you start up like a swingers club, man?

You get, like, a swingers club going on and charge fees.

Seriously, dude, if I have property like that, you could start, like, a swimmer's club.

I have a prank call orgy down there.

Look, you get, like, a little shack.

You get yourself a little shack.

Make sure you invite the dead.

You get yourself a little shack out there.

You get yourself a little bar, a pool, maybe, a covered pool.

William Reich series going around.

Yeah, ATVs for people.

People are bringing their heads off about their orgasms.

ATVs.

Like, wait, they're orgasms?

Yeah, you get yourself an above-ground pool, you get yourself a couple hot tubs next to each other.

Dude, and you just charge $20 for each couple.

It used to be that way.

There actually used to be, you know, yeah, a lifestyle like that.

Yeah.

It actually existed really not that long ago either.

Yeah, but I'm saying if I had that kind of prop, that's what I would do.

I wouldn't even get involved with it.

I'd just be like, just pay me to come in and get your fuck on.

You've got a comm you can go on, man.

All you've got to do is you've got to provide little condoms and little things of lube.

I think Gaskin, who ran off San Francisco hippies and took some hippies with him

and started a hippie commune down here not too far from where I live.

Really?

In Somerville, Tennessee.

Oh, really?

Tell them they have connections still up here in the Bay Area, brother.

They're still there.

Yeah, maybe you could start like that.

It's still, society is still thriving and doing, and they grow mushrooms now.

Amen.

Well, talk to the ego.

Well, there is an opportunity for you to move in.

To feed the world.

Yeah, but there's an opportunity for you to take over.

Since that guy died, here's a void you can fill.

Oh, no, no, no.

There's plenty of disciples that were there ready to whatever.

Okay, so they've got a continuity.

To give you a dream.

Okay, that's still going to go on

Okay, alright, well, never mind

Alright, well, let's go back to parent calls

This mango's for you, mango

Mango the cat

Yeah, old mango cushy

That's a good gift right there, buddy

Man, I'm happy we're doing this show

I'm having a good time

It's good having the two of you together

It's been too long

Amanda, thanks a lot, dude.

I've been begging you for a while, man.

I needed to get on and have some fun.

I appreciate it.

Thanks for coming back for a few minutes.

You got it, baby.

Big baby.

Big baby, huh?

Thank you for calling Little Tunes on Chiming in Astro.

Would you like to try our original round or a deep dish pizza today?

Hey, big baby, how are you?

What's going on, big baby?

How you doing?

I don't know who this is.

My name is Eddie.

I'm staying in town.

I go to Disneyland, you know?

I like looking at the things at Disneyland.

Yeah, how you doing, Big Baby?

I wanted to make an order.

Okay.

Yeah, we're going tomorrow.

We're going to go twice on Little Mermaid.

Say fuck that.

Oh, we seem to have lost her.

My goodness, connection seemed to drop there.

Fortunately, it looks like we did lose her.

Give it a shot for the pain to start this wreck right here.

She didn't like Big Baby.

They thought they saw the worst first.

From the team of G-Man who seemed like nerds at first.

We're calling Spicy Tide.

Oh, yeah.

that's how milkman likes his girls spicy and thai oh yeah oh yeah i like him uh yeah uh-huh i like

him with curry too hi are you spicy thai yes yeah are you thai yourself yes you're from thailand

yes oh you know the king of thailand yes he's an asshole why because he's a stupid ass he's a

a motherfucker i found out he's a homosexual and everything really yeah he kisses little boys and

he sleeps with the boys and every he touches he kisses the private parts i don't think so i don't

know about it yeah the king of thailand he's a homosexual really and a pervert yeah i have not

been in thailand for a while so i don't really know about it isn't it really bad to say that

about the king i think so yeah like what can they do to you do they spank you i i don't know i think

Okay, I want to make an order, one food.

Okay, what would you like?

Is that for pickup or for delivery?

For pickup.

Okay.

One food.

I'm sorry?

One food.

Food, food.

What is that?

One food.

What is that?

One food.

It's curry, coconut, milk, water, meat, heat.

Yes, what curry is that?

Food, food, food.

Food?

Food.

What is the color?

Food, food.

Food?

Yeah.

Give me a second.

Okay.

Thanks for calling, how may I help you?

Yeah, I want a foo-foo.

Foo-foo?

Foo-foo.

Tofu?

No, foo-foo?

Foo?

I don't think that we carry that, sir.

Do you have any other name for that specific dish?

Maybe Happy Meat.

Tuck will tell you.

Tuck, Mr. Tuck.

Yeah, I think a 2-1-2 would do you well, sir.

Excuse me, I couldn't really hear you.

Can you say that one more time?

Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.

I need a 2-1-2 with a Julie Newmar on the side.

Okay, yeah, we don't carry that.

You don't have Julie Newmar?

No, we don't.

We don't carry that.

Okay, all right.

Do you know, are you Thai yourself?

Are you from Thailand?

No, but did you want to speak with somebody from Thailand?

Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely.

Hold on one second.

Let me go ahead and get somebody Thai, okay?

Thank you very much.

Sure, hold on.

Okay.

Thank you for holding.

How may I help you?

Hey, honey.

How are you, baby?

baby. Very good.

Oh, good. Yeah. Are you from Thailand?

Absolutely, yes. You know the king of Thailand?

Yes. What happened? He's an

asshole. I don't think so.

Yeah, he is. He's a stupid motherfucking asshole.

I don't think that I'm going to talk with you anymore.

Bye. Why not?

Don't listen to him. He's not.

He's not.

Again, it's a serious

It's a serious crime in Thailand to make fun of the king.

Oh, is it really?

Oh, yeah.

It's like a felony.

Oh, dear.

When I give you some international instances, you're going to want to know that.

Yeah, because we're calling Thai restaurants in California.

That one sounds like she has been here in the States for a while.

The first one, she said, I don't know.

And then the second one, she knew right away, buddy.

How long did she last?

30 seconds?

Yeah, something like that.

Oh, my.

They can take them to prisons or something

That's what I heard somewhere

Yeah, they'll totally put you in

They'll throw them in prisons or something

You don't want that

They'll touch you

Oh yeah, come here little boy

Come here little boy

Hey, come here man

That's what they say

Hey, come here man

Come sit on my lap

What is that, Nambla?

No, they cane you, isn't it?

Wasn't it the white guy that went over there and he was a little asshole and he sprayed pain in the car?

Yeah, they caned his ass.

He sprayed pain in the car.

And even President Clinton was trying to negotiate and they got him down from like 100 canings to like 40 or 10 or something stupid.

Canes ain't no joke, dude.

They're not a paddle.

Cane fucking slices when it fucking cuts, you know?

And they hit you in the balls with it, too, like in the back.

It's not, you know, you're running in the hall, so you've got to have the teacher watch you.

They get a lot of velocity because they're not very thick.

They got a lot of impact.

Well, I saw an interview on 20-20 after he had it done, and he said he could hear like a whooshing each time they did it.

Like the guy was practicing it, and he heard a whooshing, and he was hitting a chair, like to intimidate him.

shit i'd rather take a fucking paddle in myself dude because of fucking you can't move a paddle

near as fast you can move in that switch yeah fucking into that switch man probably be going

close to speed of soundless because the same idea is the way a whip works that crack you hear is the

end of the whip actually going faster in the speed of sound that's actually a miniature sonic boom

so it's the same principle that real thin little like strong piece of shit hitting your ass oh no

Give me a paddle any day.

It's like the space shuttle landing.

I'd rather take a fucking piston, actually,

because that would fucking hurt.

Much less.

Oh, you would enjoy it more, probably,

because you have a big asshole.

Anyway, keep going.

You're the one that said it, not me.

I said it myself.

You're the one that said it, you dummy.

You're a broke dick dog.

Oh, shit, Goatsy.

You got me, man.

all right time for peruvian food peruvians have big beef with the colombians so let's

see if we can take advantage of that is it peruvian beef yeah happy meat

hey how are you honey baby hello hi i'm from colombia i'm from from colombia how are you

from bogota oh yeah i don't want dirty peruvian people making my food you know okay how the staff

The staff that makes the food, where are they from?

The style is Peruvian.

Ah, that's disgusting. I don't want him touching my food.

Okay.

Do you have a Mexican that works there that makes food also or anything?

No.

No, didn't go anywhere.

Yeah, man, canes don't play, milkman, you're right.

It's a serious weapon, dude.

I mean, it's not a joke. I'm serious, man.

man. I've been beat

many ways, and no, I haven't taken

the fist. I'm being punched

in the fucking head with the fist.

I've been punched in the head

so many times, and it hasn't knocked me

out yet. I would rather do that

than take a switcher. Them switchers

will cut the shit out of you.

Yeah?

Alright.

Well, hey, I'm calling

CD Gas and Wash. Let's see if they're on.

I'm sorry you were beat up.

Sorry, Milt, man.

He kind of just brought us down here.

I'm a beat up.

My dad beat me.

That was the best one I've heard in a while, too.

My daddy bit me.

Now I'm back to the show.

Hello?

Is this car wash?

No, we don't have car wash, sir.

It's city gas and car wash.

I know, but we don't have car wash.

What happened to the wash?

They didn't open.

They may be few, sir.

Do you have vacuum?

Yeah, I want to put my penis in it and turn it on.

Stick my dick in the vacuum and fuck it.

How much for me to use the vacuum for 10 minutes to fuck it?

Fuck the vacuum.

How many minutes lasts the vacuum?

Go turn it on and find out, motherfucker.

Son of a bitch.

Please don't cursing me.

All right, we call back.

I like that son of a bitch.

Why you curse me?

I curse you, son of a bitch.

Why you curse me?

My bitch.

Hello?

Yeah,

to get

Yeah, hi, I'm calling from the corporate office.

My name is Matthias Maxwell.

Yeah, I need you to go ahead.

We need to do a test of the generator there that we set up for you this week.

Do you know where the power breaker is in the back room?

Oh, no, we don't have no generator.

No, we have it installed already.

It was installed.

Yes, it was.

Sorry, you know, I just work here.

I'm only the sales associate.

Listen, motherfucker, there's a generator there.

Fuck you.

Bitch.

You know that guy? The nerf of that guy, right?

Here's a place called Juan Pollo.

Juan Pollo.

One pollo, only one.

It sounds like it's going to be a hell of a fucking price for it.

They're going to be splitting that up around everybody.

We only got one chicken left.

One chicken to serve ten people, huh?

Well, Jesus can multiply that.

My name is Jesus.

Well, it's not fish, though.

Juan Pollo Santana?

Yeah, this is Juan Pollo.

Yes, Juan Pollo Santana.

Juan Pollo, my name is Jesus.

How are you?

Fine, thank you.

I'm going to multiply the Juan Pollo into many pollos.

So everyone can eat pollos.

And my name is Jesus, and I will do it.

I will pray to Satan, and I will make it happen.

Satan, Lord, I ask you.

Satan, great Satan, to come and multiply the chickens into many chickens.

So we can all eat a fill of chickens.

Satan has commanded me to create ten chickens for him.

No? Okay.

Okay, all right.

There it is.

Quan, check.

All right.

That's kind of scary.

All right.

here's one for milkman hookah and more smoke shop yeah

their website is blogspot.com okay

right what's that good stuff man the good stuff from thailand dude i had all right

thai stick thai stick the best hookah there is no no thai stick no no no ask him what it is it's

It's the best shit.

Orange Cracker?

Food Cat or something.

It's got a name.

No, no, no.

It's got a name.

It's from Thailand, dude.

It's the most awesome hookah material.

They're out there.

Mahoho?

Maybe it's Mahoho.

I can't remember the name of it, dude.

I think it starts with a P.

My friend was going to give me some, dude.

It comes with, like, fruited flavors and different flavors.

I mean, this shit is, like, potent.

Pussy?

No.

Pussy?

No.

You said flavors.

Ask the hookah guy.

He'll know.

If he's got good hookah shit, he'll know what I'm talking about.

He's not open.

We're going to have to find another one that's open.

Hello?

Sam?

Is this Sam?

Yeah.

Is Sam?

Does that mean Osama?

Is that your real name?

No, I'm not Sam.

I'm working in the same cell.

Oh, yeah?

Do you know him?

Do you like to touch and kiss him?

Stupid.

I forgot to ask him about the hookah material, by the way.

Does he need a roommate?

I'm from Nepal.

Hi.

yeah i'm from nepal

that commanded a lot of

indians

i think memory lane cleaners is open at this time in california

what is it uh cleaners

cleaners cleaners uh i'm sure we're at we're at we're at santa ana

i don't think so dude i mean what time is it it's already seven o'clock not cleaners i doubt it

they don't have late pickup man that's southern california i think but i mean it's not a real

big place oh hello oh my god you're open milkman was wrong he's so stupid you're open

Memory Land Cleaner.

Yeah, I call Memory Land Cleaner.

That's right.

Oh, yeah.

We open.

We close 7 o'clock.

Oh, good.

Yeah, I'm going to come and masturbate over there on the clothes.

Eight minutes?

And then you clean them?

Okay, you come right now.

Yeah, and I'm going to masturbate on all my clothes, and then you have to clean them.

Eight minutes.

Okay, your phone number?

948-2014.

2014.

Yeah, and then I'm going to touch myself.

Oh, you have another phone number?

Yeah, penis.

You know penis?

You know what is penis?

Okay.

Do you know penis?

Eight minutes.

Do you know what penis is?

I don't know.

You don't know what penis is?

Anyway, you come.

This is not your number.

No, no.

That's a different number.

Eight minutes.

Yeah, eight minutes.

Minutes?

Uh-huh.

Anyway, we come seven o'clock.

You come before seven, okay?

Seven minutes.

You're going to touch my clothing?

touch them and kiss them oh she's like i don't know she's like oh yeah yeah what did i had i

was saying that because she was given the time so i was fucking with her head because

she's saying masturbation she's gonna hang up i was wondering why you kept saying eight minutes

because it was like eight minutes till seven right now that's what i was saying it should

be closed you caught him just to stay close okay good good well actually eight minutes from now i

I would have been right.

Oh, yeah, but it wasn't eight minutes from now.

It was then now.

That's exactly right.

Look at the good fortune of the ninth anniversary show.

You're in a bad house.

That's why you're the generalissimo of the bad house,

and I'm just a mere kiyomori.

You were under the impression it was eight minutes from now,

and it wasn't, Milkman.

It was time warp.

It's a pyrrhic victory, to be honest with you.

2006 time warp.

It was 2006.

But I'm playing on the phone.

Get on the wheel so y'all know I got my man Pancho holding me down on the one and two.

Pancho.

No doubt.

My other twin brother from another.

I see the resemblance.

You know what I mean?

Straight twins.

I am on the microphone.

No answer, liar.

Super motherfucking villain.

But all my people's call me Dune.

And so, we all people here.

Skip the formality.

You know, hey, one more thing, yo.

Yo, for any of y'all that contributed to the food drive on a serious note.

Yo, much love.

There's a lot of children out there that go to bed hungry every evening.

Now, if I look at it like this, we rock these shits every week.

You know, man, one a week.

And we brought in mad pounds of food, yo.

200 pounds of food.

Every night.

And I think we rocking it right now.

This is the biggest crowd.

So, New York, give it up for y'all self for contributing to the food drive.

Thank you for contributing, yo.

No doubt, no doubt.

Beef wrap.

are you open yeah oh how many pizza comes in the spaces how many what how many spaces come

into pizza i mean i'm sorry how many spaces yeah there's no space in the pizza there's no space at

all then what do you how do you supposed to eat it that's ridiculous don't be ignorant don't be

be ignorant sir how many spaces come in a pizza yeah can you ask a man to see there isn't any man

here oh okay there's no men there at all no oh okay so what would you say then how many space

spaces or slices spaces there is no spaces in pizza don't be stupid ignorant put someone else

on the phone okay hold on stupid ignorant that's a weird voice you're doing now oh my god

Hanging up and calling back.

What about a pizza? Home of the Spaceless Pizza?

Yeah, what do you mean?

I have no smart pizza.

But you said it was home of the Spaceless Pizza.

Spaceless Pizza.

a spaceless pizza oh that's pretty that's like a new kind of style or it's spaceless

that's interesting i wonder how do you guys get around the whole issue with the

spaces no he doesn't want to say uh it's a secret trade trade secret all right tootie

fruity frozen yogurt toot fruity oh yeah i can help you oh yeah oh yeah hello yeah i like to

to make an order? One yogurt?

You can't order.

I command you to take my order.

Is this a prank call? No.

Can we suggest? Can we suggest?

We can't order. Can we just suggest?

She didn't like the sound of that.

That's not...

We can't be suggesting.

Can't order. Can't suggest anything either.

Is this a backup?

Get in there.

What happened?

Why'd you hang up?

How can I help you?

I wanted to have some questions answered, I guess, since I can't make an order for a yogurt.

Okay.

What are your questions?

The yogurt itself.

How many calories come per container machine?

I can't give you that.

I don't know.

Oh, it's a big fucking secret?

Yeah, I guess.

Okay.

All right.

I don't have time for this.

I'm sorry.

How many spaces come in it?

Time for this.

I have a job to get back to.

Spaceless.

list i command you to tell me oh you can't command me i just did well i did you can't just say i

can't la la la la la i already did so now you have how old are you go get a life oh 35 just got a

point

All right, call in the next one.

Here's a taco, please.

Hey, is this taco, motherfuckers?

No, it's not.

Oh, okay, I want to make an order.

Okay.

Okay, one taco, fish taco.

We don't have fish.

Oh, no, one chicken.

Okay.

Okay, one beef.

Okay.

One phu.

What kind of beef?

One phu.

What kind of beef?

Hot, hot beef.

Okay.

Uh-huh, okay.

One happy meat.

A happy meat?

Uh, Todd, go ahead and order it, because he's stupid.

He doesn't understand.

stand uh you me uh we order uh a big uh a fish have that one yep okay one of those okay and then

how long after i have the taco until i have to take a shit in the toilet maybe three minutes

okay so then can i use your toilet there yeah okay and then can you bring the food to me to

the toilet yes okay and i'll have my pants down sitting on the toilet and then you give me

I'm going to bring some Sprite, too.

Some Sprite?

Uh-huh.

No, I like Diet Coke.

Okay, Diet Sprite.

You have Diet Sprite, Sprite Zero?

Yeah.

Okay, good, good, good.

All right.

Okay, so then I'll eat it, and then I'll shit in the toilet.

Uh-huh.

Do you have that, Happy Meat?

Yep.

Okay, do you have Stupid Mexican?

Do you want the regular or double?

Double, motherfucker.

Okay.

Yeah, you fucking asshole, and then I want you to come into the toilet with me.

I'm going to sit on the toilet and I'm going to tie your arms and your legs.

I'm going to tie your arms and your legs with no clothes on you.

Okay.

And I'm going to urinate on you.

You want with cheese?

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

And I'm going to urinate on you.

Okay.

I'm going to pee.

How about some avocado?

Avocado?

Yeah.

Okay.

A little salsa.

Yeah.

No salsa?

Sour cream?

I have sour cream.

I have the sour cream.

Okay.

I make it.

Oh, you have the sour cream?

I make it.

I make it for you.

Okay.

Make it for your friend.

Okay, and for you, too.

I'm going to put in your asshole.

Okay, we can have a couple of that.

Okay, and your mother.

There's no limits.

There's no boundaries.

And your mother?

Me and I are a barco de la madre.

Yeah, la madre, el barco de la madre.

Your mother's friend?

No, el barco de la madre.

El barco?

De la madre.

Yeah, el barco de la madre.

So you're going on a tour?

Yeah, I'm going to put your madre on the barco.

I'm going to shoot her.

I'm going to fuck.

I'm going to chinga tu madre.

Make sure that it's on the same address.

Chinga tu madre, says Diler.

I'm just, I get it.

It's the sweetest.

Finished?

No, not yet.

Are you finished?

No, not yet.

Baby, talk to me.

Talk to me, make sexy talking so I can finish.

You want hot dogs too?

What?

You want hot dogs too?

Hot dog soup?

It's crazy.

Oh, yeah, sure.

And meatball soup.

And meatball soup, okay.

How much is that?

99 cents.

Oh, yeah.

Chinga tu perro.

Cheaper for you.

Chinga tu perro.

Okay, have a nice day, man.

Chinga madre.

Puta madre.

Read the order back, please.

Oh, man.

Dialer.

Dialer's in the chat.

I was hoping he could read the order back.

I just couldn't get it out.

Oh, my goodness.

It's funny.

That was some funny shit, man.

Hot dogs and people.

He said hot dog soup.

What is wrong with these people?

What is wrong with that guy?

He's only going to charge 99 cents.

That's way too much.

You know, I'll be honest with you.

I've made hot dog soup.

It's so good, man.

Tell me the ingredients, please.

I've never had a Puerto Rican hot dog soup.

I know hot dog is actually part of the Puerto Rican diet because, actually, we had it on a lot of things.

She used to buy them little weenies, slice them up, and put them in, like, the...

I can't remember what they're called.

Salchichas, and you put them in the rice.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's good.

that's it that's right yeah or Vienna sausages yeah Vienna sausages and the rice you do that

yeah that's I couldn't remember what she called them man but yeah exactly you make hot dog soup

with those no well yeah you can make them with those or I would just use hot dogs and cut them

up and you put like a a can of tomato soup and then whatever seasonings you got I was gonna say

you want to use some type of tomato right I knew he's gonna say that I had to can of tomato soup

Tomato sauce, rather.

And then what, sofrito?

You can put some sofrito in there.

You can put some garlic, some adobo.

I thought it said a little bit of adobo.

What's there, sazon?

You can put some sazon.

Yeah, yeah, you can.

You can cut up some yuca or some potatoes and put them in there.

Yuca, oh yeah, yuca.

Oh, shit, now you're killing me, man.

You can put in a few.

I want real Puerto Rican yuca, man.

You can cut up some onions and put them in there, too, if you want, if you got them.

Oh, yeah, man.

We do a lot.

No, no, no.

Now you got me thinking about it again, man.

Puerto Rican Juca, dude, man.

I love that shit.

And oh, the other one, Green Fig.

Green Fig.

And Pasteles.

I miss Pasteles, too.

Yeah, Pasteles are good, man.

Yep.

Okay, you're killing me now.

Coquito.

Man, she made the best Coquito.

Yeah, man.

Rum.

Good rum.

You got to use Don Q.

Don Q rum.

That's the one to use, man.

I forget.

She put all that stuff in there, man.

I think we...

What is the word?

Ponte Cuba.

You can use Ponte Cuba in there.

There are different ones.

You ever had Ponte Cuba?

Anyway.

Chupacabra.

A real tall bottle of liqueur.

It's got cream in it.

It would be almost similar to what would be like Bailey's.

Except it doesn't have whiskey.

It has rum and cognac in it.

Okay.

Coño.

You know what I'm talking about?

Ponche Cuba?

Nah.

Ponche Cuba?

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah.

I think that's, yeah.

It's really good.

Yeah, they make it in Curaçao, I think, is where it comes from.

But she'd put that shit in there and some other type of eggnog and mix all that shit

up, man, to make it look like coquita, dude.

It was whack bomb good.

Okay.

Good.

All right.

Here's a Burger King.

I'm going to talk to one of these guys in a while.

Yeah.

I love a Burger King.

Nice Burger King Whopper.

Order a triple.

They're not on the menu, but they'll still make them.

Yeah, they'll make them.

They used to be on the menu.

They take them out.

They'll still make it.

They just have to hit a button.

I used to get the Volcano triple.

Man, dude, the Angry Whopper is so fucking good.

That's the one.

That's the one I ordered, but they quit making that one.

It'll be back in the summer.

I mean, in the fall.

That's when it comes out.

They got something else now.

or the spring i forget the angry whopper comes every spring i think they always have something

new going on oh they got the long cheeseburger now i think right don't they it's got like

they changed it and i didn't like the change because i was a little bit disappointed

it's basically a longer burger that fits on the chicken sandwich uh button the long one you know

i'm talking about um they put it on that and they put uh onion rings on it and barbecue sauce

See, I'm not that barbecue sauce guy.

I'm not much of that for my burgers.

I never was.

Well, the guy that I watched, Dame, he gave it a really good review.

I think he did.

I think he gave it a five.

All right.

I'm up on my fast food, man.

Let me see.

There you go.

I always just like, even rallies started a long time ago.

You can get barbecue sauce, but to me, it's usually too sweet.

That's why I never really like it.

Yeah, let me look up Dame Drops.

Let me see his recent one.

I swear to God he had this recently.

Speaking of all this food talking, and it's hitting 9 o'clock where I live, I...

You got a good mic?

Go grab a bowl of something real fast while you take this phone call, cool?

Okay, sounds good.

Munchie break.

See ya.

Oh, dude, Milkman Wendy's has a double Baconator out right now.

I didn't know that.

Holy shit, that's going to be massive.

I have the number five Baconator.

Oh, my God.

Dude, I don't like the new Wendy's, man.

man. They downsized the fucking

burgers. And the fries

suck. They've got all this, like, everything looks

like it reminds me, I looked at the menu,

man, last night. I haven't been there in probably, like,

more than six months. Yeah.

Like, ever since I lost weight and shit,

I don't hardly do it. Anyway, I just wanted to get a

frosty, and I went over there, and the menu looks like

an iPhone. It looks just like a fucking

iPhone. I couldn't figure out anything on the

menu. I had to look and look,

you know, all the pictures were gone, and

everything, and I was like, what the fuck, man?

It's just colors. And then,

And, like, all the cups and everything have all turned orange.

It used to be yellow, right?

Everything's, like, blood orange now.

Yeah.

And then the burger was smaller.

The number five Baconator was smaller than, like, a regular McDonald's hamburger.

I swear to God.

I pulled it out, and I thought, did I get the right order?

The one by my work is all redone.

They got all this lettering on the side of the walls now and shit.

Yeah, and their new sales pitch is quality.

You can say quality is our recipe.

Everything was downsized, man.

I was like not impressed.

I was like pissed because that burger

deal there, it was like

I think it was like $8.

Just for the fucking burger and like

something to drink?

I was like, huh?

The little son of a bitch was like smaller than a fucking

It was smaller than a regular McDonald's hamburger.

I love McDonald's hamburgers.

Here's Burger King's review

of the Burger King Extra Long Barbecue Cheeseburger.

That's what it is.

Let's find out about that bacon and put mine down for a negative five experience.

Well, you know, let me go slide up to the spot and see what's happening.

Now, before I go in, let's just break this down the proper way.

I'm going to chop it in half.

You know, put the hand on the halfway mark.

That looks like a regular cheeseburger.

I can't be a true hater.

I could be a hater of that beef game, though.

Why is that meat extra small, B?

What?

Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

where where's the beef i have myself a fried onion ring barbecue sauce more onion rings more

barbecue sauce a little bit of that cheese get some of that cheese up in there but uh burger

king come on come on daddy come on what is this this is looking real weak in the streets right

now but you know the meat i'm not here to judge a book by its cover let's find out what the flavor

game is all about you're like damn how big is this thing basically i have a hot dog bun

mini burgers onion rings and some cheese man burger king for 359 burger king i feel a little

robbed b i feel a little robbed for 359 this should have been on the dollar menu i can't

lie to you all right your beef game is a sloppy copy come back straight nasty butt nasty

be like it's like your barbecue sauce gave me instant steak breath look if you're going on a

first time date don't take it a bird king trying to order one of these bad boys what is inside your

barbecue sauce oh man you know what i was already upset about this raggedy meat and i'm gonna tell

you right now bk your meat game on this one is extra raggedy i don't know who's supplying you

But your supplier is cutting it up.

Your supplier is cutting it up.

Get you some real beef.

All right?

Do something.

I remember your cheeseburgers back in the day were bangers.

Maybe the regular cheeseburger is still a banger.

But whatever raggedy beef this is for your extra long BBQ cheeseburger?

Nah, money.

Nah, not at all.

Nope, nope, nope.

The onion rings were okay.

They were fried, but they were lying to me because they weren't extra crispy.

How you got...

yeah i said how you got how you hashtag how you got soft fried onion rings right that's bullshit

right bullshit so there you go all are doing it man wendy's has done this whole downsizing

bullshit and raise the fucking price fuck it remember they did that with the sodas and i

got so mad when they took the uh i don't know i mean i was really really pissed like i said i

feel like he said man like and i seen that thing is small and a fucking regular mcdonald's burger

burger for a dollar and i paid like what eight dollars for that combo and i was like you know

what i ain't coming up here again yeah well anyway that's that's done so that's the review

i should queue up some of that and play it for a burger king see what happens

i think all of them need to recheck man really seriously man they need to recheck and take a

look man because i i know there's something new kind of promotion going on

quality means less product so that's why you don't get as much fat because you get less for

your money that's why he's less fat the wrapper

wrapper was probably at least four bucks of that whole meal.

Yeah.

Yeah. They're using a whole

box and like a double wrap

thing now that they're doing. I don't know what you're

talking about. No. This is just a

raggedy ass little piece of paper.

Raggedy ass. That's a new thing to say about

fast food. Raggedy ass.

You know, I'm going to wax

paper that one corner of your folder says

BK, you know, another corner says

cheese, next says fish burger.

Yeah. That thing. That old

900 year old operation.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what they threw out.

They held a bag in that

Yeah, it was probably $4 of the whole meal.

Ew.

Well, that doesn't sound right.

That's way little.

It's tucked back.

Tuck, did you come back yet, sir?

Well, if you spend $8, man, seriously, for a number five Baconator, I was like seriously expecting like, dude, I was going to be full.

Yeah.

No, yeah, it's all expensive.

It wasn't even a snack.

Seriously, man.

I mean, you remember how big McDonald's hamburgers, the do-down size models are.

They're smaller than that.

No, no answer to that.

All right, we're calling Hawaii now.

Here's the Burger King.

Trying to play some of the audio from Dane Drops' negative review of the Hawaii, of the

Yeah, whatever it was, dude.

I mean, I'm feeling it, dude.

I'm sympathizing with him because if that's the game he's getting on their side,

it's the same shit they're pulling right over the street here at Wendy's.

They're all pulling this, like, fucking cheap-out deal.

Introducing all this and cutting it back, all the good food we had,

and giving the smaller portion

desk a lot less quality

product for your money

at higher prices that you've been paying.

We want the fat.

I'll keep that high price. Fuck that. I ain't going up there again.

We need the fat.

If I want $3 worth of bag, I'll go over

here to, you know, 99 cents

store and get a whole roll of them.

Hello? Yeah, listen.

I'm about to try the Burger King

extra long cheeseburger. Huh?

Yes, sir. Basically, I have

a hot dog bun, mini

Mini burgers, onion rings, and some cheese, man.

Burger King.

For $3.59.

Could you even hear it?

Could you hear it?

Could you hear it, Barrel?

Good concept.

We got to set it up, man.

That's a good concept.

Did you even hear it?

Could you hear it?

Mm-hmm.

But she didn't catch you telling her what you were setting it up for.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's what happened.

I should have just played it.

It's fine.

I'll just buy it.

Oh, bye.

I'll call another one.

Yeah, call another one.

Just set it up for a second.

That way they'll be listening.

because she didn't know what was going on, I don't think.

I'll shut up, too.

Yeah, you shut up.

You shut up, man.

I'll mute it.

Shut up, mom.

All right, here's a different one.

Love you.

$3.59, King.

I feel a little robbed, D.

I feel a little robbed for $3.59.

This should have been on the dollar menu.

I can't lie to you.

All right, you, you, you.

I don't think they can hear it, even.

I think that's what the problem is.

They can't hear it.

That sucks.

Oh, well.

I tried this once before, and it didn't work.

I think they can hear it.

I just don't know that the audio is not queuing up.

they're not linking in that you know what you're saying they're just answering the phone and then

all of a sudden quickly there's another somebody on there talking hello hello name is a sloppy

yeah are you there can you hear my friend can you hear him yeah how can i help you listen to him

i'm very angry i don't like the food yeah i don't know this isn't working out it's not working out

you can't hear shit all right so go to hell bye go hang up yeah we're done with you go hang up

Okay, bye

Whatever

He's so stupid he can hang on the phone

He still loves it off the phone

Oh, she'll come back

If I let him, he'd come back

There he goes finally

Tuck back in

Mr. Tuck

i'm getting ready to end things i only wanted to go to around 10 o'clock 10 30 at the latest

and i'm airing i'm leaving early so i guess we're done hey milkman you want to take us out of here

just like them old time motherfuckers all right man sure what did we lose our man tuck maybe he'll

come out he said he was gonna get some food he said something get something to eat yeah okay man

all right dude hey wow this is fucking exciting and this has been a hell of a lot of fun i really

enjoyed this i hope everybody enjoyed as much as i did the ninth anniversary show dude i mean it's

like impromptu dude it's off the cuff this is like totally disorganized you know what it's

totally mad ass man like it and love it man because this is the way we roll some days man

i want to thank all our friends out there all our enemies especially all you fuck you too

you're still welcome to listen and envy and hate all you want we love all of you too right

we did it right yeah in certain years in the fucking madhouse that's right

we do this every week and every chance we can and every time you don't expect us to

we're gonna do it right here free that's right man we drop the dime we just ask you give the

time bring your friends bring your enemies to all fucking bunch of you because we don't care

man you ain't stopping the madhouse man because we got it right here man you're all welcome in

the madhouse fuck all of you today because you're still welcome i love you man thank you man

everybody you know what i'd do without you saving lives one show at a time brother i'll tell you

and really waiting for this one and i appreciate it man because you just spared many many lives

out there man because like there was so much pent-up fury here build up that uh it was overdue

thank you a lot brother and you're a drunk driver feeling better yeah thank you well everyone i

wish tuck was your tuck thank you um for being on i'm cool oh man excuse me i need some walnuts

what do you got pizza is that what you got i got he was eating some raw walnuts man

oh that's not very fucking pizza give me some dude i'll give you i'll give you some of this

mango kush give me a handful oh yeah some orange cough too yeah man all right so thank you milk

band. Thank you, Tuck, for joining.

I wish you could come back in time, but no.

Thank you, Jen. Thanks to everyone who's

listened for these nine years, and we'll do another

nine, maybe. Thank you.

Next year, we'll do something big for our 10-year anniversary.

Thanks to Brad

and PLA for letting me be on

there. Thanks to Big Ted

Webb. Hey, thank you, Brad, man. Love you, B.

Ted Webb and Blue Planet Prank Radio. Thanks

for that. Oh, my man,

my main man, Mission Ted.

And that's...

Thanks to everyone

Everyone else has helped out.

Tabachi and Sloth.

Jane Sturt.

Dwight.

Jim.

Everyone has helped out in the last year.

Dwight.

Yeah, you crazy bastard.

Oh, one thing, man.

Just let me shout out, dude.

I don't know how or where.

What the fuck, man.

Man, I would just out my MSP3 clay, man.

My old buddy, man.

Thanks a lot, bro.

I know as long as you're out there, man, things are good, brother.

Take care.

Yep.

And Nudu.

Fuck you, yo.

Yeah, and Nudu and Lonesome, I guess.

we can thank those two bastards

I love you still

you old bastard

okay we're done thank you

Madhouse Radio 9 Year Anniversary Show

Calls (27, 1 h 18 min of 2 h 38 min)

Transcript

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