MadhouseSearch

Carl Sanders

7 Sep 2014 · 2 h 6 min · 15,117 words · source

Calls (42, 1 h 19 min of 2 h 6 min)
  1. Calabasas Library Wi-Fi complaint ivr 1.5 min clip ↓
  2. Calabasas Library bathroom bath request ivr 1.3 min clip ↓
  3. United States Virgin Islands dollar inquiry live 1.6 min clip ↓
  4. Pickup truck inquiry at auto dealer live 2.8 min clip ↓
  5. Taurus sale inquiry at auto dealer live 1.4 min clip ↓
  6. Ruger gun inquiry at auto dealer live 2.3 min clip ↓
  7. Kmart Space One asked about bathroom live 1.4 min clip ↓
  8. Danny's Milkman asked about Serena Williams live 36 s clip ↓
  9. Kmart electronics department asked live 37 s clip ↓
  10. Kmart manager asked for American speaker live 35 s clip ↓
  11. Caribbean Cinema automated message ivr 41 s clip ↓
  12. Caller discusses island stores and McDonald's live 1.1 min clip ↓
  13. McDonald's in Saint Croix conversation live 52 s clip ↓
  14. Bar near cruise ship dock story live 1.0 min clip ↓
  15. Wendy's on St. Thomas weed purchase live 1.2 min clip ↓
  16. Sushi Bar repeat order and argument live 5.1 min clip ↓
  17. Library bathroom bath request live 1.6 min clip ↓
  18. Hot water help request live 50 s clip ↓
  19. Furry Charters boat charter request live 1.8 min clip ↓
  20. Wrong number doctor inquiry live 52 s clip ↓
  21. Greenhouse to-go order confusion live 7.7 min clip ↓
  22. Sushi bar order with churro live 1.7 min clip ↓
  23. Prank call with mistaken pickup live 2.1 min clip ↓
  24. Sushi order cancellation and confrontation live 1.9 min clip ↓
  25. Sushi order resumption and apology live 2.0 min clip ↓
  26. Carlos identity and restaurant drama live 2.0 min clip ↓
  27. Guest reports chicken in room live 42 s clip ↓
  28. Guest confused about room 13 at hotel live 2.2 min clip ↓
  29. Hotel noise complaint to Puerto Rican caller live 2.1 min clip ↓
  30. San Juan restaurant order in English live 1.5 min clip ↓
  31. Creole restaurant order attempt ivr 47 s clip ↓
  32. Walgreens pharmacy IVR transfer ivr 1.3 min clip ↓
  33. Walgreens pharmacy no shots available ivr 36 s clip ↓
  34. Walgreens IVR wait message ivr 39 s clip ↓
  35. Walgreens pharmacy staff question live 1.5 min clip ↓
  36. Elton Wong Resorting Casino elevator with chicken live 8.4 min clip ↓
  37. Nightclub asked to reserve a table live 2.8 min clip ↓
  38. Elsinore Resort and Casino elevator incident live 2.7 min clip ↓
  39. Chinatown parade video prank live 1.6 min clip ↓
  40. New Yorican Cafe racial confrontation live 1.4 min clip ↓
  41. Sushi bar racial slur exchange live 1.8 min clip ↓
  42. Sushi bar ordered sushi with racist remarks live 3.0 min clip ↓

Transcript

I have given it much thought.
Master must come.
Best only postpone.
Thank you for calling the Calabasas Library.
For our location and hours of operation, please press 2.
To survive, must now be taught.
Press 2.
Wait while I transfer your call.
We must expect...
Sir Glacier Desk, can I help you?
So that the knowledge will spread.
Carl Sanders, Carl Sanders.
Hello?
Can I help you?
Yeah, this is Carl Sanders.
Hi.
Can I help you?
Yeah, why is the internet so slow?
The Wi-Fi?
Yeah, it's a piece of shit today.
If there's a lot of patrons using the Wi-Fi, it may be slow.
Well, can you ask them, please, to turn off their Wi-Fis for me?
Like, a few, whoever's not using it actively, can you make an announcement now, please?
I'm going to go take a bath in the bathroom.
I'm going to use the sink and bathe myself.
Can you ask them, while I take this break, can you please ask them?
Sorry, I can't do that. It's a public service.
Well, I'm part of the public, and I'll order you.
Anything I can help you with?
I pay taxes, and that pays, you know, the bills here.
So do it now.
I command you, motherfucker.
Yeah, hang on, asshole.
Calling the Calabasas Library.
For our location and hours of operation,
please press 1.
The circulation desk, press 2.
For the rest of the desk, wait while I answer your call.
I'm all excited.
Struck a match to the underground.
Industry ignited.
From metaphor, who power moves the fuck?
Hello?
Hello?
Yeah.
Hello?
Hi.
Can I help you?
Yeah, I'm in the bathroom here.
At the library?
Yes.
Yeah.
Does the water get any hotter than this inside the sink?
I don't know.
I wouldn't know.
Because I'm going to take a bath, you know.
I've got a sponge and I'm going to clean my armpits and my chest and all that.
But I put the hot water on it.
This isn't very, very hot, you know.
Okay.
Can I get your name?
Carl.
I can't send someone there, okay?
Yeah, send a man, because it's a men's room, you know?
It can't be a woman.
Okay.
All right, bud.
We're calling Kmart Pharmacy.
Let the flu catch you.
Protect yourself and your family.
Get your free shot at Kmart Pharmacy.
Covered by...
Your call cannot be transferred to the pharmacy.
Close pharmacy main menu.
I don't want pharmacy.
If you would like to leave a general message...
I don't want the pharmacy!
How can I get my... how can I help?
Hey, how are you?
Hello?
Yeah, I'm on a cruise ship, and I'm going to be in port tomorrow.
Isn't that great?
Okay.
So I wanted to see if you take United States dollars in this country.
This is the United States Virgin Islands.
It's the Virgin Islands, though, so I wanted to make sure that you will take United States money.
It's the United States Virgin Islands.
Okay, that's fine.
Yeah, sure, that's nice.
Good for you guys.
Yeah, that's good for you guys.
I just want to make sure.
Is there a barter system here?
Do I have to trade for something when I get some items there?
It's the United States Virgin Islands.
It's the same as if you're in the States.
There's nothing different.
Okay.
So how many, like, coconuts maybe would I bring for what I'm looking for?
How many coconuts?
Hello, come on.
How can I help?
Yeah, do you have running water there?
I want to call later because I want to see how the action is doing.
Oh, God, I bet you that's a dirty toilet.
that's gotta be one of the most dirty
Kmart bathrooms in the world
I'm sure there's some
Chinese Walmart ones that get nastier
but, whoa, maybe not, I could be wrong
call Milkman, right, let me get
let me call him on the cell phone, cause he won't
pick up if I just call him, it's a whole process
be masturbating
or sleeping, watching porn
man, motherfucker
hey, I'm on the air, I just started
can I call you on Skype, can you get on
oh, please
get on skype get on skype please oh man well maybe i just started yeah yeah yeah
well i'll see you get on skype and then i'll call you how about that i'll walk okay all right bye
hey you got a truck there for sale motherfucker nissan yeah yeah hey it's eddie how are you
Eddie?
Yeah.
What's that?
I don't know.
What was that noise?
Yeah, no, I heard something in the background there, like someone laughing.
Was everything okay?
Yeah.
My name's Eddie.
You have a Nissan pickup for sale, four-cylinder pickup, motherfucker?
Yeah.
Yeah?
What can you tell me about that goddamn motherfucking thing?
Don't talk like that again.
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's how I come across sometimes.
I'm sorry.
I was just being a friend.
I'm sorry.
You're right.
I don't know you.
That's not really friendly there.
I'm sorry.
Well, that's how I talk to my friends.
We joke around like that.
We're like, hey, I'm F-er, you know, and stupid.
We say to each other.
But we're just joking around.
You're right.
I should calm down.
I've been drinking, watching the football games.
Today's the first week.
Yeah.
But I need a pickup truck.
Yeah.
Yeah, we got one still.
Well, can you tell me about the thing?
It's just a regular little pickup truck.
It's a little frontier.
Yeah?
Yeah? Can I bring a baseball bat with me when I come look at it?
Uh, yeah, sure.
Yeah, I'm gonna hit the tires with the baseball bat and hit the windows.
Yeah? Who come on in?
Yeah, motherfucker, where can we meet at? Taco Bell?
She come right down here. I don't know who the fuck you let go of.
I'm the superior man, motherfucker. I'm the...
Hang on, before we call him back, we'll get Milkman on.
But he probably won't answer for a while at first.
He just logged on, but he'll be like...
I saw him log on and log off.
Never mind.
We'll wait.
Why you hang up on me, woman?
woman?
Go to your other dick.
You need to lose
the phone number
if you can't act
like a fucking adult.
Huh?
Well, you must be
a pathetic motherfucker
and got nothing better
to do on a Sunday.
Motherfucker,
where's your house?
Meet me a second ago
on a Sunday.
That's all I heard him say.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, dick.
That's my recap of that call.
Why'd you hang up on me?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, dick.
Carl's at the library still.
Did they go down to the bathroom?
Anyone go there?
Did you miss that I called the library
and said I was Carl Sanders
taking a bath in the bathroom
and the water wasn't hot enough?
Oh, oh, oh.
Yeah, Carl's using the Shoutcast stream at madhouselive.com,
and that takes less bandwidth than the mixer will, so...
If you're in an area like in 3G coverage or slow internet,
your best bet is to listen using Shoutcast,
including that link on the Madhouse site.
It's been forwarded to an auto...
You have a Taurus for sale?
Well, I traded it yesterday.
I sold it yesterday.
Motherfucker.
99.
You fucking asshole.
99.
Yeah, you motherfucker.
Why'd you sell it, you motherfucking asshole?
Hey, listen.
I don't have to listen to this shit.
Well, you're a stupid motherfucker for not selling that to me, bitch.
Willing and blocks, rich lifestyle.
Small like an ordinary white shit now.
Sun is still shining.
Dead light.
Now listen here, you motherfucker.
What else you got?
Hey, listen.
If you want to talk, talk, listen, talk her out.
I don't listen to cussing and all.
Now, if you want to talk, you just talk right.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I won't cuss on you anymore.
Who is this anyway?
Eric.
Eric who?
Eric Rickey.
Oh.
Well, I don't care to talk to you, but now listen, I'm not going to listen to you cuss.
I don't listen to it at work, and I'm not going to listen to it on the phone.
All right.
I won't curse.
I'm sorry.
Can you hear me?
Can I hear you?
Yeah.
It's a question.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hello?
Okay.
Yeah.
Can you hear him?
Yeah.
Okay, me too.
I hear him too.
Okay, so what were you saying?
Hello?
I've got a Ruger
Yeah, Milkman, we're here
I don't hear anybody
Talk to me
Yeah, speak up, sir
You have a Ruger, motherfucker
Okay, I've got a Ruger
890, 45
Yeah
Okay
And you have an 8
Yeah
How many of those clips can you shove up your asshole?
How many of you want to?
can i do all six clips in you if you want that at the same time if you want that is your asshole
gets that big and wide well if yours can't sound like you're at what you are anyway the way you're
talking so you must have a lot of calluses in that asshole ears huh uh listen i'm not gonna
listen to this job hey do you have a taurus no no i sold it motherfucker why'd you sell it for
hey milkman you were in the middle of a call hey break down i i didn't connect the cable i forgot
i didn't connect the cable i'm sorry he's a slave okay i know what's going on i thought
i was having a problem here i'm on a different uh different mobile here well you are having a
problem seems like the bandwidth is not good who are you with now you no longer sprint who are you
Are you AT&T?
No, no, no.
I still got a Verizon line, too.
Yeah, all right, Verizon.
Yeah, it was looking good.
I was getting, like, about a meg up and about, like, three down, so that was just setting
it to house.
Oh, three megs down.
I get 40 megs down.
Oh, 40 megs, nice.
I don't know.
I've never done a speed test on my mobile.
it's more than three but i don't know how much okay but my it drops anything is good at this
point man yeah i've got off at least i got off the saint croix you know caribbean satellite relay
but you know i'm in you know i think i'm in the west coast relay now that reminds me i was just
calling saint thomas kmart did you go to the kmart and saint croix a lot yes i did both of them how
How often did you go to them?
Probably once to four or three times a week, depending on what I needed.
What was the bathroom like there?
Did you ever use the toilet?
Let me think.
Bathroom at fucking Kmart.
Oh, shoot.
You know what?
I got to think now.
Man, it's hard to think about the bathrooms.
Where were they now?
Walk-in store.
Okay, that's back there.
I think the bathrooms were up by front.
All right.
I think they're up by the front.
Right. And as usual, they weren't anything to write home about.
They weren't totally filthy, as I recall.
They weren't totally filthy.
I thought they'd be really bad in the Virgin Islands because those kind of people, you know.
Well, there's a lot of things bad in the Virgin Islands.
This is like the main store for the whole island.
There's nothing else. There's no Walmart. There's nothing else.
Everything else is pretty well like mom and pop, little junk shops, you know.
Wow.
Gotcha.
Well, there's some grocery stores too, right?
Oh, it's time to go to shoe stores, yeah.
Alright, look, I'm going to call your favorite Kmart.
There's two in St. Croix.
One says it's at Space One.
What's that?
What the hell is Space One?
Space One.
It has an address or no?
That's all it says.
That's probably the address.
It might be west.
What's the number?
Start with it.
Three digits.
Same address, 719.
Prefix.
719.
Call the fuck out of him, dude.
Hello, good. I came out to ask if you can have my help.
Hey, you picked up. What's your address? You're in space one? One spaces?
In one? I'm not too sure.
What's your spaces?
One space.
One space?
It's one space, but I do not know the address for Kmart.
Oh, what's the bathroom like today? How's the action?
The light?
The bathroom?
Uh-huh.
The toilet? What's the action like?
I haven't went in the bathroom either.
there. Oh, can you see if there's any guys there looking to hook up? Okay. Can you come back and
tell me? Yeah, no problem. Okay. That's nice of him. Tell him you want chichi man. Tell him you
want chichi man. Okay. Yeah. You're looking for the chichi man. You're looking for chichi man.
Yeah. Chichi man. They've no chichi man. They made no pot though.
Small coffee shop in Soho, he's still pussy, he sell his dust up on the lower east
Electronics is big down there, so there'll be somebody there
Oh yeah, the monkey's like shining
Maybe apartment with store
KC's picking up my help
Hey buddy, can you transfer me?
Yeah
What?
Sir, I'm going to go, but I was just dealing with a customer, just give me a minute, let me, I'm gonna check
What'd you say?
Um, I'm going to check for you, but I was dealing with a customer
Oh, you're really gonna check, oh okay, alright, bye
Cool, peace
Yeah, he's gonna check, my friend
I'll be darned.
He's with customer.
I'll be darned.
He's going to check.
That doesn't work.
Okay.
All right.
That don't work.
He's actually a good employee.
We'll sit point.
Listen to rap music.
Well, it may stand a reason, too, because, you know, like, that's about it down there.
There's a little nothing else going on.
Do they buy cassette tapes there still?
Yeah, you know, the plan's closed.
He's still selling cassette tapes.
You know, the plan is not much work for them.
I feel bad for them.
Yeah, there is.
There's a bartender.
There's a liquor store worker.
Yeah, you're just talking.
It's rough, man.
That's a rough video.
It's rough.
You stay up all night.
If you want to get drunk all night, that's your job.
I don't like getting drunk, period.
I burped, yes
I am, but I had to make a stop
This is like my in-between stops
You caught me in a good time, actually
Will you go for a stop for a while?
I'll be back in, yeah, I got about like a half hour before I'll be back.
Really busy.
Will you pick a customer, pick a customer up and do a funny voice the whole time?
Will you speak with an English accent, a British accent?
No, dude, I couldn't pull that stuff off.
Man, that's like business, man.
I got to be careful about that.
Just talk with a British accent.
What are they going to do?
He talks funny.
He talks funny.
If you could do it last night, I could have done so much stuff with you last night.
night man i had cool people in the car oh yeah yeah oh yeah man nighttime on saturdays dude
fucking their party and all these fucking hot chicks y'all just see this shit pops in my life
fuck yeah man we gotta put that on video put it on video and you can show us the girls
little dresses and you can finger them hey dude i'm all for it man i'm down man if they into it
man hey you know what we can help them out yeah man don't deny the ladies man don't deny the
ladies or that guy with the hat that wanted to have you reach back oh we're not supposed to
talk about that you get upset are you getting horny the guy was horny on me you start thinking
about some queer man the mesh cowboy hat that was like hey that's so creepy god dude what you
ain't heard me there's been more stories man but uh i'll have to enlighten you at another point in
time since then that's old news tell tell tell story come on oh no no no not right now dude
we'll do that at a later time point eight have any girls given you panties panty girls
16 girls give you panties for a second you said something about panties did you any girls ever
give you panties did they they left them yeah but they didn't give them they just left them
they meant for you to have them they're like oh i'm just gonna i'm just gonna leave this here
I'm just going to leave these here.
No, I think maybe they were busy, and then when they got out, they were like it.
Taxis are dirty.
I wouldn't want to masturbate in a dirty taxi cab.
Dirty milkman.
I would either, man.
But you do every day on your break.
Explain that.
What's that?
But you do every day on your lunch break.
Explain it.
Every day?
What do I do on my lunch break?
You know.
Normally, I just grab me something to eat real quick.
And then I just start driving again.
I just keep working.
My lunch break usually is just long enough to get something and then go.
That's it.
Yeah, you can bring your flashlight.
What's that?
Who's laughing?
Who's laughing?
Wow.
You are way on hold, dude.
Serena Williams.
You've done it a long time.
Serena Williams won her 18th Grand Slam today.
18th?
That's what it says.
That's what internet says.
Grand Slam?
18th career Grand Slam.
Yep.
I didn't know she worked at Danny's.
When did she start there?
I don't know.
She's pretty good at it, I guess.
She's made 18 of them already.
I let her serve my table.
She just started there.
Wasn't that great?
Excuse me.
Oh, you're in a rush, Milkman?
I mean, if you gotta go, I'm
holding. Fine, I'll call back.
That was gonna be in the bathroom, probably.
You said they were in the front. I'm just, like,
trying to keep you paced, man, because
I know how cruising time is, dude.
It's on a different time zone.
I lived here.
Hence my problems as of today.
Like,
you can do that while you're driving
as you go, beep, beep, beep, but there's no one
in front of you. That'd be fine. Yeah. Only problem is
other drivers may take that as a wrong
message, like I'm trying to stop.
Yeah, did you check the bathroom?
I sure did.
When?
Fuck.
I sure did.
Oh, and what happened there?
I did.
Any hot guys?
If you had any, I didn't hear you.
Any hot guys in there?
What was he looking for then?
What did he go to look for?
I don't know.
Whatever he thought you heard said something else.
I said I would have went on to something else, like electronics or something now.
What did he think I sent them there for?
He misunderstood you
Ask him for electronics Milkman
When he picks up alright
Alright fine we'll call the other Kmart
And we'll ask for electronics
Well give it a couple minutes
Because he's on to you now
Whatever you want to do bro
Then I'll call him back
I just know how these guys work man
Now he's on to you I'm surprised you even like to stay on
He didn't even listen to you while you stayed on
That's the man
They're not down
You've been seen
No Chi-Chi Man seen at all
That'll happen
Thank you for calling
I have electronics
Sure, hold on
You're called milk, man
You're gonna do it
No, you handle it, dude
I just wanted to give you
Somewhere to go, man
I know, I know
Hello
Hello
Hi, is that electronics?
Yes, the electronic.
Oh, how many spaces do you have there?
Excuse me?
Spaces.
How many spaces?
Spaces?
Mm-hmm.
In terms of what we...
Can you speak up, boy?
Hello?
Yeah.
What do you mean by spaces?
Does she have spaces there, different spaces that you have?
Hello?
Yeah.
Hello.
Yeah, hello.
Hello.
I hear you.
He pretended like he couldn't hear you.
That's a good one.
He pretended like he couldn't hear you.
He'll make the other one.
oh that's a good one yeah yeah he pulled a good one slickster wait he needs to quickly walk away
and find something to do busy busy work to do someone else picks up the call i've done it before
man i'm telling you man these hacks will leave this phone ring for fucking years oh hello okay
marketing man hey how are you i had a good good i had a question um when i i'm on the cruise ship
and I'm going to be coming in to buy some stuff.
Isn't that great?
I'm so happy.
I'm on vacation.
Feeling hot, hot, hot.
So I want to ask about your payments.
On what?
Do you have a barter system on this island
or do you have like a local currency I use?
Do I have to do an exchange for United States money?
This is U.S. territory, sir.
I know, but I'm outside of the country.
We use U.S. currency.
Okay, because I can trade.
I have some jewelry I can trade for some stuff, you know?
With the same policies and customs in the U.S., that's the same we use here.
Yeah, I know, but this is like a different kind of people here, you know?
Like a dark...
What different?
Like dark people, like a third world country, you know?
No, I don't know.
It is. This is not United States.
This is not the United States, but we belong to the United States for your history.
Yeah, but you don't have the same rights and all that, you know?
Oh, no?
No.
Okay, you come then. You come then.
But I, yeah, I'm going to come. I have to bring my passport to come there.
Oh, yeah? Well, go ahead. Do what you have to do.
I'm on the cruise ship now. We're on the way. We're going to be in port tomorrow.
Maybe, hello?
You have a good evening, okay?
Can you transfer me an electronics?
Yes, we can manage to do that. Hold on.
Oh, good. Good girl.
Yeah, she didn't like that.
it we'll see if she's really i'm not on hold yet but she hasn't hung up either you hear that milk
man i'm fine good um i need to know do you have uh televisions in this country yes so i can buy
a television here yes you can okay does it run on electricity yes it does okay so do you have like
i plug do i plug it into like a wall or do i have to have a generator you could plug it into a wall
okay and where do i where do i buy gasoline he sounds like shit
i'll try the lady at the front desk
for calling
Fred just said
Kmart
Kmart speaking
I'm out
Hey
What's your name
Akulo
Who would you like
To speak to
Oh
I need to talk
To the manager
I had some questions
About the people here
Hold on
She's deaf
Good night Fred
Just said
Kmart
How may I help you
Oh
I was hoping
There was like
A white person
I could talk to? Like an American?
Sorry? Is there an American
I can talk to, or someone who speaks English?
I am an American, sir. Is there someone
from an English-speaking country
that I can talk to? This is an
English-speaking country, sir. How may I help you?
Yeah, but this isn't America, you know?
It's not America. It's island,
third world island.
Is there anything else I can help you with? Yeah, I wanted
to ask about the spaces.
The spaces? Mm-hmm. What spaces,
sir? Well, specifically
Specifically, how many spaces you have and the amount that they contain.
Is this a joke?
No.
Space is referring to?
It's like an amount of volume.
I understand that.
I went to school.
Is there anything I can help you with?
Yeah, it has six sides, you know, and then a volume that it occupies.
That is the spaces.
Thank you for calling Caribbean Cinema.
We'll be done time for Saturday, September 6th.
Okay.
Fuckers.
Thank you for calling Vertical Yacht for bulk storage.
If you know your party's extension, you may dial it now.
For bulk storage, or Jillian, dial 105.
For Vertical Yacht, or Christian Rosenberg, hold while I transfer your call.
You have reached Jillian's desk.
Are you still calling the island?
Yeah.
Yeah, a lot of shit closed today.
It's kind of late there.
For them, it's late.
Yeah, 10 or 11 o'clock there.
No, it's 8 o'clock right now.
It's like 8 p.m.
Oh, okay.
I was talking about 7 almost to 8, yes.
Yeah.
I was looking at the clock.
Time's wrong on this.
Never mind.
My device got the wrong time on it.
That's why I was looking at it.
I was like, what?
Yeah, but over there on a Sunday, shit's closing up.
You're right.
except for the big big stores they'll probably close some of this some of the regular like early
shit you know they got like kfc that's big they got pizza huts those are pretty popular there's
not a whole hell of a lot to call well i just saw mcdonald's on the map but i didn't have a phone
number i called the mcdonald's in saint croix and i had a very funny conversation they got quite a
a few mcdonald's yeah mcdonald's well saint thomas has uh wendy's doesn't it let me find
that wendy's i know they have a wendy's yeah wendy's is also on wendy's is also on saint
croy too i bought weed in saint thomas at the wendy's wendy's it's tiny isles wendy's sunny
isles that's what you're looking for it's right by the ship it's um it's like walking this is
from which ones from the big cruise ships uh the wendy's and saint oh you're talking about on on
on st thomas yeah but i don't know where what's yeah maybe on st thomas that's right
but one on st croix is down by the main shopping center i found it but it doesn't have a phone
number it's right where i thought it was right by the the big dock uh try kentucky fried chicken
um and uh what the fuck is that area there diamond not diamond what the fuck's the name
orange grove all right well here's one listen orange grove listen there's a a bar here that
i remember was right at the dock right and literally in front of the entrance to the ship
i remember me and my wife got so fucking drunk there on saint thomas yeah they're set up like
that it was i mean literally i was sitting i have pictures we were sitting there getting freaking
drunk off our asses and we were like literally like we could throw something at this we could
throw our drink glass and hit the ship it was right there yeah like it was so awesome we're
like he's like this is the best place to be in the island because he barely his drinks were dirt
cheap he used he was giving like tons of alcohol it was making him super strong and he was like
and you know the worst case scenario you can crawl right to your ship you're not going to be late
you won't miss your boat oh yeah drinks crawl to your ship he was so cool he ended up like
like, undercharging us and shit.
He was telling us it was cheaper,
like, the liquor is so cheap in the Virgin Islands
that it was cheaper to...
Fuck yeah, dude, we make it, man.
He said the...
That's why I tell you,
everything bad is cheap there.
Fucking jewels, like, gold, silver,
tanzanite, emerald, fucking crack,
fucking weed,
everything bad is cheaper.
Yeah, but anyway, he, um,
the drinks were really cheap,
and he made them really strong
because he said it was cheaper for him to spend liquor than it was the mixers.
Well, that's right.
Yeah, he was like, fuck it.
That's why I do it.
I make them strong as fuck.
All right, look.
I think this is that bar.
No, it's right on that one.
Yeah, that's what he said.
That's why I do it.
There's tons of bars.
St. Croix's got lots of bars, too.
They're open.
But see, sometimes they get loud.
So that's the only thing you got to be careful with.
I can't remember which ones aren't loud.
Yeah, some of them.
But this one was, like, outside and shit.
He was an American.
He had been there, like, 20 years.
They could all fit that.
It's going to be loud.
And he was telling us, yeah, everyone smokes weed here in St. Thomas.
You want to get it?
I'll call my boy.
Thank you for calling.
Maybe at the Wendy's up the road.
Yes, we are open on Sundays now.
Our operating hours are 1030, 930, seven days a week.
They're open.
If you're trying to make a to-go order, please press to.
Reservations hold while I transfer your call.
No, he's the one that called his friend to come bring weed to the Wendy's, and I bought it from him.
And I just put it in my sock and got on the boat.
I was like, fuck yeah.
How can I help you?
Hey, man.
Hello.
How you doing, motherfucker?
What's going on?
Yeah.
Hey.
I'm on a cruise ship.
Who is this?
Hey, I'm on a cruise ship.
This is Virgil.
I'm on a cruise ship.
Yeah, I'm coming to see you.
I want to have food there.
I want to eat sushi.
All right.
What other services do you have there?
Do you have sexy girls?
We're serving until 8 o'clock tonight.
Do you have sexy girls?
No.
No sexy girls?
No.
No?
Do you have a sexy boy?
Hello?
Yeah, do you have sexy boy?
My friend, I'm busy.
I have customers here.
Okay, can I make a...
I don't have time to...
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Can I make a to-go order?
To-go order?
Okay, so give me your order if you want to place your order, but I don't have time.
I have customers to take care of.
All right, motherfucker.
I want a cucumber roll.
He was Puerto Rican, right?
He's not a Puerto Rican.
Very busy.
Hey, man.
Hey, man.
I think he missed the accident.
I accidentally disconnected.
Hey, man.
I got a customer to take care of, man.
Thank you for calling Ben and Gorn at Sushi Bar.
Yes, we are open on Sunday now.
Please hold while I transfer your call.
Hey, man.
Hey, man.
Hey, man.
Him again.
Him again.
Ew, they got a pickle roll that sounds like shit for sushi.
Ready to go now?
Yeah, I'd like to make an order.
Hey, my friend.
What's going on with you, man?
I was just making a to-go order.
Are you fucking drunk or what?
Hey, come on.
Yeah, I was.
Why are you cursing at me?
I was.
I'm sorry.
I'll calm down.
You are the motherfucker, okay?
You are the motherfucker.
I'm just excited.
I'm just excited.
I'm cutting my ass, man.
Coolo, Pinto.
Wow.
I'm just excited because I'm on vacation.
That's a coolo man there, man.
I don't know.
You got Puerto Rican on there.
I'm just excited over here.
You better turn some ass shit on him now.
Whip out some man's home blood.
Whip him up, motherfucker.
Yo, whip that motherfucker up.
Come on, man.
Come on, man.
Handle your dick.
Yes, please hold while I transfer your call.
Listen, Chico Gonzalez.
Hey, Gonzalez.
Yeah, I'm sorry, okay?
Please.
Is that you again?
No.
Can I just make a to-go order, please?
A pickup order?
Okay, but leave it.
Okay.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Okay, I'm going to need your name.
Okay, my name is Perez.
That's okay, one second.
one cucumber roll okay a smoked salmon a baby octopus and one motherfucker uh we don't we don't
have any baby octopus right now we only have the regular one the octopus okay regular one okay and
one motherfucker what one motherfucker are you drunk yeah i told you i'm just excited because
i'm on the ship i'm really happy i'm on the ship right now we've been drinking and i'm so happy and
i love this island and i love we went to puerto rico and i love it too i love everything right
Yeah, you can go and fuck yourself, motherfucker.
You're a fucking asshole.
Fucking asshole.
Bet the hoes leg run in on you.
What are you, drunk?
Oh, cheetah.
Yeah, but you can tell he's Puerto Rican in there.
You know what I mean?
There's a lot of Puerto Ricans in the Indianapolis.
Fucking tons of them, dude.
That's why I was dating one, man.
Oh, my God.
That's right.
Yeah, you were dating a Puerto Rican girl.
Dude, I was fucking raising kids.
What are you talking about?
Yeah, I did.
What are you, drunk?
I got some Puerto Rican kids out there in the world, but it ain't in my blood.
It's in my kids.
What are you, drunk?
You drunk, man?
That's why I liked you when the first time I met you.
You're Carlito.
One of my boys is Carlito.
Yay.
You probably forgot that, but I told you, man.
Yeah, man.
He's a real big boxer and shit, right?
Was he a black?
Yeah, man.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
He's black Puerto Rican.
You know how it is.
It's all mixed up, you know.
Fuck.
What, does it matter?
Ew.
I mean, is there any Puerto Ricans that aren't black?
Very few.
So he's from...
You just don't look black.
He's from northeast Puerto Rico, yeah.
He hit me on real thick ass.
You know, those northeast Puerto Ricans are blacks.
Oh, God.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
His name is Yekis.
His mom is white.
I'm French.
Yeah.
You're Carl.
Yeah.
We're calling to Bob at our friend's name.
He's just part of the Frenchie, man.
We're in the toilet.
No, man.
The situation does come to help you.
Yeah, hi.
Is this the situation desk?
Yeah.
I had called earlier because my name is Carl,
and I'm in the library bathroom right now,
and what I'm trying to do is just take a bath in the sink,
but the water doesn't get very hot,
and the lady said she was going to send someone to check on the water heater
to turn the gain up on it
so more hot water will come out of it, you know?
Which lady said that?
Um, a lady I called earlier at the circulation desk.
They told me about the call that they don't, um,
we can't turn up the water at all anymore.
You can't make it more hot?
No, we can't.
Oh.
Do you know anything else I could do,
or is there, like, maybe, like, a larger sink somewhere
in the back that I can use?
No, there's not.
But, um, you know,
you're not really supposed to take a bath there.
Yeah, but I don't have anywhere else to go.
And I've done this before.
The people have said it's okay before, you know?
No, they didn't say it's okay.
There's the security guard that was there once.
He said he wasn't going to tell anyone during the week.
But I couldn't come this week on the day that he works there,
so I had to come today.
There's some security guard.
You know what?
Can you hold for a second?
I don't know.
How long?
Like 30 seconds.
I've got to help with the front of me.
Oh, okay, honey.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
I'm going to take a bath.
Okay, that was good, man. It sounded very good.
Thank you.
The room resonance is perfect.
Thank you.
Very soothing rapping music, man.
Oh, yeah.
You on your face.
That clay.
Shot of jizz across the lip, man.
I'm just eating free clay.
I'm taking a bath in the sink in the library bathroom.
And they're bringing hot water to you?
I need more.
So you want to turn up the hot water?
Yeah, I need to turn it up, yeah.
I may help you?
Let's go think of some paper towels or anything or some paper.
You could set it on fire, you know, and like, you know, try and like heat the room up.
Can you bring us some paper towels?
Can you bring us some paper towels here in the bathroom?
Do you have nothing better to do in your life than make prank calls?
I have to be clean because I don't want to be dirty.
I have a hot date tonight.
You know, this call is being recorded.
I don't give you permission to record it.
I don't give you permission.
Milk window.
Milk window.
is it yeah that was on live i thought we were on hold
oh i didn't mean to ruin your day
sorry man
fucking wendy's with no uh phone number
okay i got a pretty decent signal so
man it works hey carl let us know what they're doing over there with the
I'm a local person.
Bathroom call.
Oh, you got the...
Do you have your kitty in there with you on the show?
What?
What?
I'll be in there with you on the show.
Nah, he's a lazy bastard.
He's a lazy fuck on the bottom, and he ain't here.
You just meowed, though.
I must have heard you.
Siri, how dare is my speaking?
Yeah, this is Furry Charters.
That's great.
How much is the charter of the Furry Boat?
When are you looking to come out?
Well, the cruise ship comes in tomorrow, and I'm a furry.
I have a fursona and my wife, and we have four of our friends with us, and we're all furries.
Okay, I'm actually out of the water for the next month or so.
Why?
Because we're out of the water.
Why?
Why?
What do you want from me?
Who is this?
I want you to take this fucking boat out with us furries dressed up as dogs.
Awesome.
Yeah, motherfucker.
Sounds good to me.
Fucking asshole.
Motherfucker, you.
Yeah?
Yeah, why don't you go to Water Island and crash on Water Island and never come back?
That sounds good to me.
All right, monkey aids.
Monkey aids.
Yay.
I'm a monkey.
Welcome.
Milkman, close your windows.
Was that another island call?
Close your window.
Yes.
They're all island calls.
Oh, okay, because I heard Water Island.
They're all island.
everything except for the library that carl sanders is in is a lion land call okay okay all
right why is island caribbean in london or what it's monster island uh what's the guy uh dr uh
doctor who
Dr. Who?
Dr. Who?
No, who? Dr. Who?
Moreau.
Who?
M-O-R-E-A-U. It's a French name.
No, but I'm saying Dr. Who.
Oh, yeah, Dr. Who. Yeah, man.
You were popular there.
Probably a very small underground.
Yeah, but who, though? Who?
I'll tell you who.
Good evening.
Hello.
Clay Hodge.
Yeah, are you the doctor?
No, I'm sorry.
You have a wrong number.
This is the Cliff Halls.
Yeah, I'm looking for the doctor.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Do you know about the doctor?
Did you hear?
About the doctor?
Yeah.
The doctor?
Yeah, did you know about the doctor?
What about it?
What about it?
No, the doctor.
You know the doctor?
Yeah, I know about the doctor.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's crazy, right?
Isn't it funny?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, bye.
Asshole.
I wanted them to say who.
Be open.
Thank you for calling Walgreens.
With convenient pharmacy drive-thru service, our pharmacy is now closed.
Blue shots are available today.
No appointment necessary.
When you get an immunization here through October 13th,
you'll help provide a life-saving vaccine for a child in a developing country
through the U.N. Foundation.
Shot at light.
Your entry was not recognized.
Please try again.
Our pharmacy is now closed.
Flu shots are available today.
There should be a different option for that pharmacy.
When you get an immunization to refill your prescription, press A.
If you are a...
Oh, forget it.
If it has a general story...
I zeroed or tried it.
I'm storing them.
I did try zero.
I tried zero.
I tried zero.
I tried.
Oh.
What the hell?
I don't know.
I'm mobile.
Oh.
Man, I wish you could see what I'm seeing right now, man.
It is beautiful.
Big tips.
All these windsurfers out here just, like, dancing across the water.
Yeah.
Are they hot?
They shine.
Now they're, like, doing circles around each other.
It looks like you're really, literally, looks like you're dancing and twirling around.
Are they pulling their dicks out?
Those fuckers are crazy.
They're probably going about 30, 40 miles an hour.
There's a steady breeze here, man.
Meep, meep.
yeah they even get these crazy bastards they got these like uh sails they call them uh
they're sailors they sell stuff i don't know if they sell them but i know they're crazy
bastards are flying them around right now and they're pulling their little their little boards
around with them they look kind of like okay how can i describe it kind of looks like a side view
of a long grain piece of rice but it's flattened out so it curves around the edges back in towards
F*** rice. I like to eat rice.
Welcome to the Greenhouse.
Yeah, it looks like a long drink.
...orders or to speak to a manager, press 2.
To leave a message...
Please hold while I transfer your call.
Hello, Green and Greenhouse.
Hello.
How are you?
Hello.
Hello.
Hi, I'm on the cruise ship.
Okay.
Yeah, I'm super happy I'm on the cruise ship.
Yay!
I wanted to make a to-go order.
I'm pretty full.
Why transfer you to the bar?
To the who?
The bar.
I don't need drinks.
I need food.
Cold.
Oh, fuck her.
Did she still transfer?
The greenhouse.
I get it.
You like that Angus beef, Milkman?
I'm over it.
I'm not impressed by it.
After McDonald's put it on their menu, I was like, fuck it.
Angus beef is so September 10th, man.
Angus beef is good.
That shit that they put on McDonald's ain't real Angus beef.
There ain't nothing real about eating that shit.
Have you ever seen how they do it?
I like to make an order.
Hello?
I'd like to make an order.
Okay, go ahead.
One shrimp cocktail.
Can I get a name for this?
Yeah, yeah, you can.
What is it?
Huh?
Can I get a name for this order?
Oh, yeah, Sanders.
Okay.
One shrimp cocktail.
One escargot.
That, sir, I'm sorry.
Okay.
We've got a couple different shrimp appetizers, calamari, confitters.
One bambang shrimp.
One quesadilla.
One crab roll.
You want a veggie quesadilla chicken shrimp?
Veggie.
One crab roll
One foo
Thing after the crab roll
Foo
Foo
You're gonna have to say that again
I can't understand you
Foo
I'm having a hard time understanding you sir
One foo foo
Food
Foo foo
I can't
No one
Motherfucker
One foo
I can't
I cannot understand what you're saying
You motherfucking motherfucker you
Not you
Not you the phone
The phone
Yeah
What do you need
Yeah one fucking asshole
Motherfucking piece of shit
Not you the phone
The phone I mean
The phone
All right, what else do you need?
Okay, one bread.
All right, one garlic bread.
Yeah, one hamburger.
Which hamburger?
Cooked with heat.
Which hamburger?
Beef.
American greenhouse mushroom.
Beef, beef, beef, meat.
One phoo.
I can't.
You're going to have to, again, speak up, man, because I can't understand you.
One phoo?
Whoever the other guy was talking, put him back on.
I can't understand you.
Oh, okay.
Milkman.
Hello?
Yeah, I'm here.
Yeah, yes.
I need one Jamaican jerk-off chicken.
Alright.
Okay, one motherfucker.
Alright, one slut.
Look, man, if you want to make an order, make an order.
One sister.
Look, I'm on a cruise ship and I'm having a good time.
And we're so happy.
We love St. Thomas.
Yay!
I'm glad, but I got other drinks waiting.
If you need to make an order, I need you to make an order.
Hey, can I pay with United States dollars?
Yep, you can.
You can pay with a credit card, too, if you want.
This is a third world black country, right?
What now?
This is a third world black people country?
Nope.
Oh, okay.
All right, well, put that all together.
Yeah, I got it.
All right, what's the total?
You wanted a jerk, the jerk sandwich?
Yeah, yeah.
Put it together and shove it up your asshole.
Got it.
Okay.
What sides would you like with that sandwich?
One potato, one vegetable.
Got that.
One water.
I can get you all of that when you get here.
Okay.
It'll be $75.50.
$75.50, yay!
About 30 minutes.
Are
you telling me you can hear me when it's muted or he was just full of shit?
He was full of shit.
I don't know why he said he could hear you.
He thought it was someone else.
Okay, because I was going to say, yeah.
Yeah, I think he was starting to get paranoid, realizing he might be on a joke.
I guess so.
That was funny as shit.
Like that slut, those redhead sluts, have you ever had one of those?
Redhead sluts? Redheaded sluts?
Yeah, it's a drink.
Now, I guess one of my customers told me they put them in, like, you can buy them in a bottle.
Redhead slut in a bottle.
Redheaded slut. Yeah, I've heard of it. I've never had it. I don't quite remember.
It's some fucking girly drink.
Listen, they put cranberry juice in it, and some schnapps.
It's either orange or peach schnapps.
Peach schnapps.
And then some kind of, like, liqueur.
Jägermeister.
I don't know, dude.
It says here it's peach schnapps, Jägermeister, and cranberry juice.
Okay.
That's the one.
Yeah.
That's shit.
There's another liqueur they put in it sometimes, too.
But that right there, man.
Oh, man.
Well, I'll drink a gin and tonic with peach schnapps in it.
I love it.
It's a gin blossom.
Awesome. I love the taste of that.
Yeah, I'm not a real big, like, drinker, like, that kind of, like, flavor-y, like, strong-flavored drinks, you know.
So, like, I just had a sip of one with this chick who hooked me up.
She was from St. Croix, man, actually.
That's where I picked her from.
But she hooked me up.
Where the heck was I?
Oh, okay, when I was down in L.A., man.
Down in Long Beach.
Yeah.
I ran into her down there.
Yeah? Did you?
Yeah, redhead sluts, man.
There you go.
You ran into her, really?
There's a good order of those because the bartender doesn't know what that is.
See if they can get it in a bottle down there.
Maybe.
They got a drink that you can buy in a can called Gasolina in Puerto Rico.
It's an alcoholic, fruity drink.
Oh, how about El Presidente, man?
Have you ever had El Presidente?
That's a Dominican beer.
I'd rather have Medalla Light.
Yeah.
Medalla is a Puerto Rican beer.
It's good.
I never drink that.
Medalla is good, man.
It is the El Presidente.
El Presidente is a good beer, though.
It is.
It's good.
It is a good beer, man.
Yeah.
The strong one, though, is Elephant Beer.
Elephant Beer is good.
Thank you for calling Ben and Gwana Sushi Bar.
Yes, we are open on Sundays now.
Yay!
We're operating at the bar.
Please hold while I transfer your call.
Good evening.
How can I help you?
Yes, I'd like to place a good order, please.
Sure, sir.
One second there, please.
Okay.
Okay, sir.
May I have your name, please?
Patrice. Okay, one second there. Okay, sir, I'm ready. St. Thomas roll. Okay. Okay, number 86,
sashimi combo. Sashimi combo, sure, sir. Okay. One second there, hold on one second.
Okay. And a cucumber roll, and that's it. How long will it be?
St. Thomas roll, sashimi combo, and cucumber roll, right? Yes. Would you like iguana sauce?
Yes, please.
No problem.
Okay, let me give you a churro.
Okay, one second.
This order should be $23.60.
Okay, sounds good.
I'll call you back.
Thank you.
Bye.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Let me see.
It's $73.
$73.60.
Okay.
$73.60.
Okay.
Should be ready in about 25 minutes.
Okay?
Okay.
Bye.
Bye.
Milkman will call back, but I got to go help my wife out with the groceries.
I'll be right back.
Hello?
Yeah.
I'm about ready to pick up my customer, man.
I can't tell you.
I had to go
I don't know what happened
I just went quiet
I've been trying to call you
You can listen if you want
She's going to have a dog
And she's having a really paranoid
Oh yeah let's hear her
See if she's hot
Alright well
See if I can find her ass
While you do that
I'll do a prank call
I was gone for a while
Cause I'm right here
Where is she?
Honk your horn
No
She actually did
There she is
Okay, I found her, so be cool
Okay, I'll be cool
Hi, Robin
Okay
Can you just put her down on the floor, please?
I appreciate it
get down there get down there i got a really expensive letter you'll scratch it real bad
sorry okay all right so baker and fell street baker and fell yeah okay
yeah i don't know what happened but the last one just didn't work out
okay maybe maybe people lost the signal or something who knows huh but somebody came
i was on the other side of the road oh that pulled up and the girl got in i was like are
Are you sure?
Who are you picking up for?
They got the wrong ride.
I was like a wrong person.
Yeah.
That might have happened, but.
Seems like it.
Anyway, it doesn't really matter.
How's your day?
I'm doing great.
How about yourself?
Sounds hot, yeah.
I'm tired.
I'm ready to get home.
It's because I'm just calling in Boog right now.
I'm on the bridge.
Ah, pretty heavy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, it was pretty rough.
That's all I was saying, though, but I'll come.
Yeah, thanks.
Oh, yeah.
Milkman.
Gonna come tonight with the nice lady.
I hope you don't have me
Speaker Milfan
No
Oh good
She sounds hot
Does she look good
Say yes
Say uh huh or no
Can you say yes
Yeah it's
What is it
Yeah yeah
You're first
Milfan has a hawk
That's a lot of what happens
Oh my god
I was so confused
I got the wrong person
I was trying to call you
This is a gathering of the masses that come to pay respects to the Wu-Tang Clan.
Fuck your vacation.
All the traffic on the very bridge.
What do you think this is about, J-Mart?
Yes, hi.
I'd like to talk to somebody about the toilet.
About what?
The toilet.
Do you have to pay to use the toilet inside, or do you have to buy something?
Or can I just come in and push?
Come in and push when?
Push my feces.
She ain't having it.
She's like, ooh, uh-uh.
You can talk to me like that.
I'm from the islands.
I'm running out of numbers on this island.
Thank you for calling Ben Morris.
Please hold while I transfer your call.
Good evening, Benny.
How can I help you?
Yeah, I'm outside smoking a cigarette, but I put an order in.
is it ready yet or do i have time for another cigarette uh what's your name huh i had the order
for the uh saint thomas roll oh it's ready in sashimi combo right yeah it's ready yeah yes it
is ready oh go ahead and cancel it i don't want it it's ready i say yeah i don't want it i don't
like sushi i don't want it motherfucker yeah i don't want it i don't like that kind of food
it's bad really it doesn't taste good especially from dirty people like you you know
Fuck you, motherfucker.
Dirty people?
Like, you people?
He was like,
He felt it.
The money.
No, the money.
That's fucked up, dude.
I made him waste 75 bucks worth of sushi.
Holy shit.
That's a fucking dick.
I'm such an asshole.
I ordered the first...
It was a $38 sashimi combo.
Holy shit.
What else?
Cucumber roll was $6, and I did octopus something.
I did the octopus sashimi, which was $22.
Hell yeah, like about $70.
Wow.
This is like...
Oh, man, this motherfucker.
I'll tell him I'll get it.
Thank you for calling Bennington.
Please hold while I train for your call.
all their minds they're all banks he pointed to the charm on his neck with a bit of energy left
told me rock it with respect kids photogenic kids just burst out my way oh shit it coming
hello ben iguanas yeah i'm sorry okay i'm sorry okay no problem you just want to cancel the order
right yeah but that guy was say motherfucker to me he said he said motherfucker to you yeah and
he hung up the phone i don't think cars did you say motherfucker he said oh he said you called
No, no, I didn't.
I had a problem with the phone, and he said, you motherfucker, and he hung up.
Carlos is pretty easygoing, so if you're having a situation, we apologize,
but you're canceling your order, right?
Well, yeah, but he said motherfucker.
I wanted to apologize on the phone to me.
Yeah, I just said we apologize.
No, him, him, him apologize.
Okay, he'll apologize real quick.
Just apologize, I'm sorry.
I'm just doing it for the restaurant.
Hello, this is Carlos.
Motherfucker, say you're sorry.
You know what you tell me?
You say, motherfucker, say you're sorry.
I'm sorry.
Just stupid, bigger man.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Yeah, motherfucker, say it.
Okay, so he apologized.
Yeah, thank you.
No problem.
No problemation.
All right, see you later.
Oh, yeah.
Iguanas.
Yeah, look, this is the guy I called earlier.
Look, listen, I said motherfucker to him.
I mean, he, don't get him in trouble, okay?
I already fired him.
No.
I fired him.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Really?
I let him go.
I'm sorry.
I let him go.
No, no.
Because he shouldn't have called you that, so I had to fire him.
No, no.
I was the one that said it, not him.
Well, that's okay, but I had to fire him.
I let him go.
I'm sorry.
No, come on.
No, you didn't.
Really?
Yeah, sure I did.
No, then get him back.
He didn't say anything.
He's already left the restaurant, so I made him leave, so.
You motherfucker, you.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, you're a motherfucker for doing that.
Well, I mean, I don't have a personal, I don't have my customers, my waiters talk to people like that.
You didn't really do that, right?
Come on, I'm going to feel bad.
What's that?
You didn't really do that because I'm going to feel bad.
I just suspended him.
He's all right.
I just suspended him.
Will you give him pay?
Sure, he's getting paid.
Oh, okay.
All right.
All right, well, okay.
Can I make an order?
Can I make an order?
Didn't you just cancel your order?
Because we already made your order.
It's sitting here already.
It's sitting here.
Here, we already did the combo sashimi and the St. Thomas roll and the cucumber roll.
It's already been done, so I'm just waiting to resell it to somebody, unless you still want it.
Well, you're going to throw it away, probably.
No, we're going to eat it ourselves.
No, give it to me.
Give it to me.
At a $65 price, sure.
No, no, no.
I don't want to pay.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
Please, I'm hungry.
You're hungry?
And I'm poor.
I can't afford it, but I'm on the cruise ship.
Well, I'm sorry.
It doesn't work like that.
Okay.
But, uh, try us in the future.
All right.
Thank you.
Have a good night.
Okay, but listen, Carlos should get, like, a raise.
He's a very good man.
Okay.
Okay.
He should get a raise?
Okay.
I'll let him know you said.
And your name is?
Uh, I'm Carlos, too.
That's my name, too.
Oh, your name's Carlos, too.
Okay.
Yeah, I'm from Puerto Rico.
All right, I got somebody on the other line right now.
I gotta go.
You guys have a good show.
Okay, thank you.
Bye.
Have a good night.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
he didn't fire him he was just kidding
maybe he did said to me he might have been real upset about it and send him
home for the day we'll just go home carlos all right
at first i thought he was being serious so i was like i'll
Come on, wait a minute.
He's already floated.
Eh, what can you do?
What do you think, Milkman?
You think he's alright?
Yeah.
Alright, good.
Well, okay.
We're leaving the Virgin Islands.
Say bye again, Milkman.
You're never going back.
Bye.
Let's see if there's anything to call on the AKs.
Never been there.
Nigga, you my motherfucking heart
Stay still, son, don't move
Just think about Keeva
Should be three in January
Your young guard need ya
The ambulance is taking you home
Everybody get the fuck here, y'all
At 1210
I mean, I'm a Ghostface Killer fan,
but I don't want to hear shit over and over again.
The murder rates is increasing
And decreasing
So at the same time
Are you done driving that lady, Milkman?
Or are you still on the road?
Nope.
Does she have a skirt on?
The cops.
All right, fuck those cops.
All right, I'm looking.
I'm looking.
Here's a hacienda.
Hey, yo, you got a light?
Oh, shit.
Could you please put that out?
What?
Put the shit out now!
I ain't going to sit down!
Here's an in on the blue horizon.
The blue horizon, this is the best time.
That's how I'm going to help you.
Yeah, hi.
That's how I'm going to help you.
yeah there's a problem in my room there's a chicken in here a chicken he's attacking me
he's attacking me he keeps attacking yeah a little bit of a chuckle when i said it was a
chicken it's like oh he's like i wouldn't be surprised okay
oh what's radar station okay let's not call it maybe we shouldn't call the radar station
police station a beach bravo beach has a phone number all right
at the bravo beach hotel yeah bravo health is carl yeah hey carl yeah i wanted to take a bath
in the sink sink but the water doesn't get hot enough what room are you in 13 but we don't
you think you're calling the wrong place no maybe 113 no you're you're calling the wrong place we
don't have a 113 what what rooms there's nobody in 13 right now what room number so you do have
have a 13 what what stupid mom what what what hotel are you staying at the bravo beach i think
you're calling the wrong thing no i'm not i'm not staying like i don't have it's not in my name but
someone else let me in oh there'd be no way anyone would let you get in there yeah huh they're
staying in here but they we met at the beach like you know we were partying we were smoking drugs
and he said to come over to his room and we were playing around and watching movies on his laptop
top yeah there's only guy at the hotel right now and yeah it's him uh it wouldn't have been that
wrong yeah he did he we had sex and then he said he was gonna go out and then he left me in the
room by myself and i want to take a bath in the in the sink yeah possible no can you come to the
room i wouldn't go to 13 because there's no one in 13 well but i'm in here i'm in here uh you
wouldn't be in there yeah yeah come in i'll show you all right i'll show you where i am that's
at Opeth. No, come on. I want to show
you something here. It's important.
Right. You got your Panama Jack
straw hat on.
Tom, you got a fist
for him.
Hey, I just dropped off
the dog lady. Yeah.
Was the dog an asshole? No, the dog
was actually a fucking dick. He stunk
like hell. I didn't say anything about it.
Oh, dogs stink.
These fucking people just think dogs can climb all over your fucking car seat.
Like, everybody likes that.
I don't like that shit.
I don't want no dogs.
Beep, beep, beep.
I'm gonna call them now.
Yeah, hi.
Hello?
Can you tell those stupid Puerto Rican people not to make so much noise, please?
My name's Eddie.
Eddie?
Yeah.
How can I help you, Eddie?
There's Puerto Rican people here, and they're making a lot of fucking noise.
Where are you?
Inside the hotel.
No, you're not.
There's nobody in the hotel.
Oh, no?
No.
Oh, what are you doing?
At home.
Who is this?
You live in a house?
Not in a hotel?
Yeah.
I don't understand.
Is your house a hotel?
Are you poor?
No.
Who is this?
Oh, you're feminine, aren't you?
Who is this?
Eddie.
Eddie.
Eddie who?
You don't know me.
Eddie Cross.
No, I don't know who you are.
Yeah, is this the gay place?
Is this the gay place to stay at in Vieques?
Well, friendly, but we're not a gay place.
Yeah, but I want like a man brought to my room, you know?
Like four different men and I'll choose one.
Who is this?
So, Puerto Rican man.
Okay, let me guess.
Is it what, Tommy?
Yeah.
Is it David?
Yeah, yeah, it's David.
Come on.
It's David.
All right, I'm going to hang up now because I don't know who you are.
I'm David.
Okay.
Yeah.
212.
Yeah.
All right.
Well.
I'm David KDK.
I'm KDK.
I do not know who you are.
I'm KDK.
KDK.
That's my name, KDK.
Okay, hi.
Hi.
Hey, girlfriend.
Do you have hairy knuckles?
No, it is.
Oh, come on.
If you have hairy knuckles, that means you have a hairy ass.
All right.
I'm going to hang up because I don't know who you are.
Bye, baby.
All right.
Bye.
I don't want to talk to him.
I'm trying to find Puerto Ricans.
Dude was a freak ball, man.
Listen to that.
Dude is fucking sitting there touching himself.
I'm trying to find Puerto Ricans, and I'm just getting Americans living in Vieques.
Oh.
Well, because of all the...
Probably...
Oh, fuck.
You're going to have to call around, dude.
I don't know, man, if they're going to be listed.
tons of americans there because remember the military range was there the bombing range yep
not anymore puerto rico well all you gotta do is just like bring that subject up you get all
kinds of shit started right there anything about the bombing and the military and helicopters
you're gonna fucking love you or the navy station i was there the bombing range and it brought
nothing but a lot of tourism and economical benefits to puerto rico and they're like
Yeah, they blew the fuck off of one side of the island, dude, but it fucking brought
money, man, because there's nothing else there.
There's nothing, it was, nobody wanted to live in that fucking place.
They did it for 40 years.
It's Puerto Rico, man.
Nobody complained for 40 years.
And it's a fucking country island, Puerto Rico, of all places.
The country island.
Nobody complained for 40 years.
Vieques isn't even part of the Puerto Rican mainland.
It's a separate island off the side.
yeah there's a whole like like movement that got started in this independence thing back in
when i was down there because i used to listen to a station called el oso and all they talked
about was the different movements you know these fucking people like we want to leave the united
states and they're no good and bullshit they want to leave they people always say that
they don't want to be i know but this was really popular a few years ago when we first started
talking it was really they had they had fucking jesse jackson and fucking al sharpton down there
getting arrested for trespassing and then they got what they wanted another fucking asshole was
sore because there's nothing to fucking coming out of it yeah because george w bush said okay
sure i'll close that place and i'll close the naval station and the air force station and the
other air force station and the submarine base yeah they closed everything there's nothing there's
There's no military at this there.
Roosevelt Roads is gone, man.
There's nothing fucking left here.
Roosevelt Roads is gone.
Ceiba is closed.
Everything's closed.
There you go.
Good work, guys.
Great idea.
There you go, fucking independent douchebags.
Yeah, you want to play this game brown skin?
There's nothing wrong with brown skin, but fuck, you done fucked yourself.
They did.
Politically and financially.
Yeah, my cousin was telling me, my older cousin was saying that.
Wait until they kick that out.
Wait until they do that.
You're going to see all these other fucking things get closed down.
and it's going to be, oh,
boo-hoo, the governor
came out and she was saying,
we're going to turn the base into
a new international airport.
Yeah, a new international airport
in the middle of nowhere. Yes, it's exactly
what's going to take off.
I'll pick it up now.
I'll be on TV, brother.
Are you driving Uber or what are you driving?
Are you Uber driving or taxi driving?
Milkman.
Fuck, who's
gone now?
I was curious.
To be honest, I think I'm almost done.
I'm just about done.
Open, if you're listening, I'm almost done.
Battle teeth, Tony Atlas, Wu status
Now, listen to the matches
Chalks back my tongue like a hammer
My head is like a nickel-plated bammer
Spit .45 caliber grammar
As the speed of rain makes you bleed within
Crack your skull without penetrating your skin
Rain or tramp official
Wu stamped with black issues
With the weekend programming fat tracks at Camp Crystal
Home on the range
Rebel with a pen, writing critically acclaimed
Scriptions that do you in
Mr. Map, hot nickel
Say my shit holding my sex pistol
Don't deal me yet
W-R-O-D-E-R-A-N
Chill up, be quickly, stink ya
I ain't gotta lift one fuckin' finger
Make sure they got our weave turned
Alright, if we're gonna call Puerto Rico
The only place I can really call San Juan
Cause everywhere else
They're not gonna wanna speak English
They may speak it
But they're gonna be like
Oh, cool, good, good
They're gonna do it on purpose
So they don't have to deal with me
Alright, I got some drunk asses, man
Yeah
Milkman, anyway
Milkman, are you driving?
I am
Milkman
Hi, Ian
Hi, how you guys doing?
Great, where you headed to?
Uh, Paramount
Okay
I'm getting fucked, they're gonna fuck
Did you see Erykah Badu?
Uh, a little bit of her, yeah
How was it?
It was a little bit
Okay, not all that big a bang, huh?
Okay
It was an outdoor venue, right?
So it probably wasn't the best sound either, huh?
Outdoor
I would say you're right on that
Yeah
You said Paramount, correct?
double checking thank you yeah hi you speak english hi no what do you mean no
yeah vagina uh this is the restaurant yeah i wanted to make an order uh-huh
uh-huh yeah what would you like to order one food we don't have that with this is a
It's a Creole restaurant.
Oh, it's dirty people.
Rice and beans.
Dirty people.
Sorry?
Dirty people restaurant.
Dirty people food.
Creole food.
That's dirty people, right?
Like dark skin, dirty?
No, no.
Are you sure?
Whatever.
Okay, fine.
For instruction in English, press 9.
Flu shots are available today.
No appointment necessary.
When you get an immunization here through October 13th,
you'll help provide a life-saving vaccine for a child in a developing country
through the UN Foundation's Shot at Life program.
For more information, just ask a member of the team.
For the pharmacy department, press 1.
For all other departments, press 2.
To hear pharmacy hours and location, press 1.
For cosmetics, press 2.
To hear store hours and location, press 7.
For customer service, please remain on the line to speak with a member of our staff.
I know what can recharge this show, a Lowe's.
Good old Lowe's.
We'll find one in California, Nicole.
Can I play this music?
This is some Puerto Rican music.
Walgreens is like, ah, put that on.
We're sorry, the photo department is not available.
I'm not looking for photo.
You are being transferred to the next available department.
I just want a department, honey.
I didn't say photo.
I said one.
Who gets photo nails anyway?
Hi, sexy, how are you?
Hi, how can I help you?
Hi, you speak English, this lady?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, that's good.
Are you sexy?
Stupid.
Oh, she didn't sound sexy.
That was you.
I thought it was them.
For instruction in English, press 9.
No shots are available today.
No appointment necessary.
The pharmacy is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Para servicio en español, oprime el número 9.
No shots are available today.
No appointment.
Your entry was not recognized.
Please try again.
Para servicio en español, oprime el número 8.
If you're a doctor and you represent a doctor, press the number 1.
If you're a patient, press the number 2.
To listen to the hours of the pharmacy and its localization,
to use the automated service Walgreens,
to talk to our pharmaceutical staff, please stay on the line.
Okay.
Bob Marley was a black guy.
I'm just saying.
It's this fuck that I'm feeling.
I'm feeling fucked.
Sorry for the wait.
But all of our staff is answering other calls.
Please stay on the line and we'll answer you right away.
Su llamada será la próxima contestada para utilizar los servicios automatizados de la farmacia Walgreens o Prima y Número Uno.
Apúrate, apúrate.
Oh, lighter die, lighter die.
Music, bulk band music.
Fuck.
Constipation.
Can you see her on the way?
Su llamada será la próxima contestada para utilizar los servicios automatizados de la farmacia Walgreens o Prima y Número Uno.
Music.
Full.
Full.
If I'd done a show yesterday, it would have been a whole week.
And I messed up.
It would have really been great.
Seven days.
It was worth it, man.
Hey, honey, how are you?
Hi.
Hello.
Yeah, hi.
Is this the pharmacy department?
Yes.
Hi.
I wanted to find something out.
Do you have the...
You want to what?
I want to have some information.
Well, tell me.
I'm going to buy some stuff.
Can I pay with United States dollars,
or do I have to use some other, like, trade something?
Do I trade something?
Like, I have some jewelry and stuff.
Maybe I give you that.
No, no.
No, you need money.
Oh, money.
You guys use money here?
United States dollars.
Okay, so you guys use United States dollars.
Wow, that's good.
You guys have everything here, huh?
Okay.
Yeah, okay.
Do you have the Sudafed?
Oh, come on, man.
That's it.
She's upset because I brought that up, Milkman.
They get upset at that.
We hold that long for that?
Fucking ass.
I'm not doing it again, Milkman.
I'm not doing it again.
That was a huge waste of time.
Colossal waste of time.
Peace, God.
How you, God?
20 right now.
Call me back at the guard house.
What the fuck?
It's just a new way of thinking.
Light up the broccoli, kid.
Go to relish in my back pocket.
Keep your eyes open.
Push your seat back.
Just float.
That's how we doin' it
Thank you for calling ESJ Power
If your telephone is touch-tone
Please dial the desired extension
For more options or zero for the operator
Operator
Please wait
Yes, sir, this is Edgar
Hello
Yeah, hi
Hi, I'm in the elevator.
Okay.
Okay, you know which elevator?
In the south side, north side?
I don't know.
There's a chicken.
There's a chicken here.
Okay.
Tell me which side you took the elevator.
Well, I'm not inside the elevator.
I'm on top of the elevator in the elevator shaft.
Okay.
All right, then we'll be there in a second, okay?
Well, I'm kind of stuck.
Can you please help me?
Why did you hang up?
I'm running to the elevator.
I'm scared. Stay with me.
I'm trying to help the chicken.
I'll find a different hotel to be stuck in the elevator.
I was simulating a big, big
little squeezer there.
Ew, man.
Come inside.
One resorting casino.
Please wait while we transfer you to the operator.
Do you think this is the Elton Wong Resorting Casino?
Yeah, hi.
Here's a chicken in the elevator.
The elevator stopped.
I'm stuck in the elevator, so I got into the...
I climbed out of the elevator.
I'm on top of it now in the elevator shaft, you know?
There's a chicken up here.
I think it did something to the elevator because it won't go.
I guess it was a chicken because it was maybe like pecking around.
When I was in the elevator, it stopped and I heard the chicken out there.
So I came up here to try to get out and I'm stuck up here now.
Which elevator is it?
I don't know.
Which elevator you got into?
Well, I do, but I don't know how to identify it to you.
Okay, but is it the middle elevator?
Is it on the right?
It's the main elevator, I think.
Yeah.
Okay, we have more than one elevator, that's what I'm saying.
I know, that's why I don't know which one to tell you, but it's not going.
It's the one that isn't going.
The one that's what?
That's stuck.
Excuse, I can call security for you.
Can I wait and talk to them?
Transfer you over to them.
Thank you.
It'll be Corey.
Corey, security.
Food.
Security office?
Yeah, I'm in the elevator with the chicken.
I can hear you good, sir.
I'm in the elevator with chicken.
chicken you are in the uh stuck in the elevator yeah there's a chicken here with me the chicken
yeah yeah the chicken was on top of the elevator and it stopped and then the the ceiling came down
on the elevator the chicken flew in here i think the chicken broke the elevator um but uh where
are you uh right now in what uh elevator i'm scared the elevator um are you a mister or miss
Mister.
Mister.
Oh, okay, mister.
You are in garden?
I'm in the main elevator and the chicken is attacking me.
Okay, sir.
The chicken attacked the elevator, made it stop, and then broke the ceiling and broke in.
And it's going to try to fight me and kill me.
I know, I know.
But, okay.
It's a violent...
I think it has rabies.
Okay, okay.
Let me talk with my supervisor to send him there, sir.
Supervisor.
Okay.
What do I do?
Ew, can I stay on the phone? I'm scared.
The chicken is getting angry.
Sir, I need to hang up the phone because I need to speak with the person that can help you.
No!
Sir, you need to calm down.
No! I'm having chest pain.
Oh, the chicken!
Hey, milkman, what do you say?
What do you say to the chicken?
Kentucky!
Like Jurassic Park, the chickens have turned.
So what do they call 9-1-1?
It's Puerto Rico.
9-1-1 will get to like,
You know how dirty and corrupt the cops are in Puerto Rico?
You think cops are bad in the United States?
Go to Puerto Rico.
Or half of them are probably drunk on the job.
I'm not bullshitting you.
It's close to 50% of the cops are straight up criminals in Puerto Rico.
like not criminals but at least they're being paid off by criminals not to fucking do shit
it's a little it's not as easy as it was and back in the day like when i was younger you could speed
in puerto rico all you want and you never hardly ever see a cop outside of a highway unless you're
in a touristy area or like in a ghetto area and every once in a while you see him on the highway
you couldn't speed on the highways but you could speed do all the fucking shit you wanted and
in the village areas
in the cities and shit
in the rural suburbs and shit
no one gave a shit
now it's not
not as much
now there's a bigger police presence up there
but down there
the chicken disabled the elevator
and came in to kill me
let's call him back Bill Penn
what do you think about that chicken huh
scary stuff right
I blame global warming.
Global warming.
Milkman, are you driving?
Milkman, hey, hey, hey.
Mumbles, are you driving Uber tonight, or what are you doing?
Thank you for calling the Elkton Wannabe's Webbing Casino.
The new delicious pizza.
It's got a nice color and it's edible.
If you know you're calling the Elkton Wannabe's Webbing Casino,
please wait while we transfer you to the operator.
operators. Who cares? They're not picking up now. I'll call them back later. Here's a cockfighting
arena. They're probably closed. They don't do cockfights on Sundays in Puerto Rico. Yeah,
they ain't gonna answer. They ain't gonna answer. They ain't gonna answer. All right,
here's a club called Bravo. Club Bravo. We're calling Bravo Management Group.
If you know your party's extension, you may enter it at any time.
For general information on Club Brava and upcoming events, press 1.
For information to rent Club Brava or any of our venues, press 2.
For table reservations and birthdays, press 3.
For accounting, press 4.
Hi, you've reached the personal assistance for table reservations.
You girls, you don't like stupidness.
Hey, motherfucker, how are you?
Hello.
Can I help you?
I want to make an order.
You want to what?
I want to make an order.
Nobody knew.
Yeah, I want to make an order, I said.
An order? You're calling a nightclub.
Yeah, I want to make an order for a table.
For which night?
For tomorrow night.
No, we're only open Thursday through Saturday.
You motherfucker.
What are you doing there?
What are you doing there now, motherfucker?
Huh?
Yeah, whatever.
Milkman, you got too much background noise.
Too much.
We think they have several people on the phone.
please wait while we transfer you to the operator i like to chew on the ends of my lips you know
Good evening, this is the Elsinore Resort and Casino.
Yeah, I'm still here in the elevator.
Okay, give me a second. Let me give you back our security, okay?
Alright, because I strangled the chicken. I killed it.
Okay.
Okay.
Alright, security?
Security office?
Yeah, hi.
Did you get anyone? Because I'm here or something.
Sir, I stand already a hell for you, but you don't want to tell me in what elevator are you?
Well, I'm not. Actually, I climbed out of the elevator. I'm on top of it now.
Sir, can you wait just a little moment, please?
Okay.
Hello, sir. How may I help you?
Yeah, there's a chicken in the elevator, and I climbed out of the elevator. I'm on top of the elevator.
In what elevator are you?
I don't know which one.
In the tower?
What is your room number?
I was at the casino.
I was at the casino.
There's a chick in here with me.
Sir, in what elevator?
What is your room number?
I don't have a room, I said.
I'm in the casino.
I was in the casino masturbating.
You're at the casino?
Yeah, I was cheating and masturbating.
You're not staying here?
I was in the casino, and I went in the elevator, and the chicken attacked me, and I jumped out of the elevator.
I crawled on top of the elevator.
Okay, hold on a second.
In what elevator you are?
I don't know.
I don't know which one.
I need to know if you were, you, you go out to the casino, to the lobby.
Yeah.
And then you took the, and then what elevator you took?
I don't know, because I've been drinking and doing drugs.
I was doing drugs in the casino, and I was cheating at Blackjack.
i was cheating you know no i don't understand you i can hear you well i would because i'm stuck in
an elevator you stupid bitch bitch yeah you yeah you are a stupid bitch you're and fuck you
motherfucker and fuck you fuck your mother poor chicken she's talking to the chicken i think
appreciate your patience yeah no problem on your way out there make sure you didn't drop anything
so much tip your driver motherfucker dude we got caught in this chinatown parade out of nowhere
I got a little video of it, dude.
It's like fucking retarded things running around and shit.
There's drones running around?
Dragons.
Oh, shit, man.
Chinese dragons.
I got a video of it, man.
I'll have to post it later.
Like real dragons?
Real, yeah.
You know the Chinese dragons?
They run around with those, like, silk ones.
Little bamboo tent stakes under them, and they run around flying around.
It looks like it's flying.
That's racist.
I just seen it.
Yeah.
Cool, actually.
I'll have to post it.
I don't know how good it is and how long it'll take.
Fuck it.
I don't care.
or I may have to downsize the video, though.
I'm back out.
Look out for the big yellow bastard.
Man, you know, you sound really good these days, man.
I just wanted to comment.
Good to hear your melodious tones
and you're seeming like your health is rather invigorating these days.
Does it make you hot?
Congratulations on the comeback, my friend.
Yay!
Thank you.
Yay!
Yeah, all right.
We're just happy to be in St. Thomas.
Yay!
Can I get somebody to stick something in his ass?
Yay!
Can I get some sushi?
Motherfucker.
That was a great prank.
They were not very pleased with you, man.
If you want to go to the house and the New Yorican Cafe.
Yeah, this is New Yorican's?
Yeah, how can I help you?
Oh, why don't you go back to your own country?
Me?
Yeah.
Where's my country?
New York.
I'm not from New York.
Yeah, but it says New Yorican Cafe.
Say that again?
It says New Yorican Cafe.
Why don't you go back to your own country and stop taking our jobs?
Who's calling?
Oh, my name's Pedro.
Pedro?
Yeah.
From?
Well, I'm from Arecibo, actually.
And you're from Puerto Rico, then?
I don't speak that dirty language, that dirty people language.
Oh, you don't speak Spanish?
No, I don't. That's dirty language, you know?
I'm very proud to speak English. Perfect. Beautiful English.
Yeah, so why don't you go back to your own country and leave?
My own country?
Well, it says New Yorican Cafe, so obviously you're not from Puerto Rico.
You're an immigrant, you know?
Go to hell, motherfucker.
New Yorican, where the fuck is he?
This is like guy lost.
In Spanish.
Like somebody stick a map out there and pour beer on it and then all the letters got jumbled.
What the fuck?
in spanish as hell spanish he was saying like well
you got what's your problem with new yorkers tell them because new yorkers are homosexuals man
because new yorkans give us a lot of bad uh fucking rap in the united states because they
ruin everything there you go there's new york puerto ricans they're homosexuals man but all
i don't give a fuck i love new york i don't they give puerto ricans a bad name man we can't have
puerto ricans in the states can't have good things because of them and the ones in philly
there's a lot of bullshit there's a lot of bullshit man i know in new york man dude it's a
whole big deal boy you don't fuck around puerto ricans man it is a country there bro
yeah not a state it's a country there well there's more puerto ricans in the united states
It's an M-Nile in there.
So, do the muff.
That's right.
Puerto Rico, man.
Mang.
Yeah.
Oh, that Pasquale.
I haven't heard Pasquale forever, man.
He was one of my favorites, man.
Fuck that guy.
Pasquale Otoyama.
All right.
Let's see if I can find anybody here.
My custom matters.
Pasquale Otoyama, bro.
This nigger cancels.
I'm sitting here on the corner, and they fucking cancel.
you fucking fuck you wow you said the n-word
oh every fucking body serve me man every fucking body do this for me everybody i'm entitled man
you owe me motherfucker that's what that's all about it's an attitude nothing to do with your
collar holy shit give a fuck man most of these fucking you're talking about yeah we're talking
about collars are you there hello sushi bar yes yeah i like puerto ricans but i don't like spics
you know okay give me one second okay yeah hi sushi bar yeah hi i like i like puerto rican
people but i don't like dirty spic puerto ricans you know well what do you have there do you have
dirty people dirty people dirty puerto rican people that attitude the attitude problem
them you don't have dirty everyone there who's gonna make my sushi is it gonna be a clean japanese
person or dirty hispanic oh that's disgusting do you wear gloves the whole time well i want you to
wear gloves because i don't want like dirty people touching my food like you kind of people
you know usually use well you have to use gloves i command you usually you say usually or all the
the time okay good good that's good that's are you menstruating no good good that means everything
is going to be nice and clean right yeah i don't want any menstruating women touching my food you
know okay all right honey so can i make an order all right one fool what fool yeah one sushi fool
we don't have oh no is there a man i can talk to them i understand me i don't understand you man
Yeah, but you're a woman, and you're making mistakes already, you know?
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Damn, she broke G on you, man.
She slid it in right at the end there.
Fuck you.
Man, you gotta tell her you do not want to have bears attracted to your meal, man.
That's not what you're looking for.
Fuck, man.
Attracting bears?
That's fucking bear bait.
Menstruation, my ass
I bet you're gonna be bleeding
That's cause you done hit it too fucking hard
That's the only reason
I think I got a customer, man
See me have to hold on here
Well, I'm gonna leave, Milkman
So, bye, Milkman
Why am I always gonna say goodbye
But I don't wanna have a chance now
Hurry, hurry, say bye, everybody
Bye, everybody
Hey, how you doing? You're Chris?
Alright.
Gay Chris!
Hey, how you guys doing?
Well, I'm leaving, everybody.
Thank you for tuning in this afternoon and evening.
I hope someone does come on after me.
I'm almost at three hours of broadcast.
Two hours, 53 minutes.
I did good enough, okay? Good enough, good enough.
I wanted to do three. I got within
15 minutes of that.

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