Donkey Punch

I have a Ph.D. in chemistry, Dartmouth, 1991.

I've been working in the field of chemistry for just about 19 years now.

I got into furry fandom while I was still a graduate student back in the late 1980s.

Furry fandom was just getting off the ground then.

They had just come up with a name for it.

And I just started going to conventions, started talking with other furries.

And at some point, I was busy telling a story in a lobby of a hotel.

You little monkey.

You bastard.

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

I don't know what's going on in Wall Street.

I don't.

In there with a yard.

Is that right?

Later.

We'll do that.

Thank you.

Shut up.

I'm Carlito.

I'm the host tonight.

With me here is Milkman.

Yeah.

Hey, man.

It's so good to hear your melodious tone.

How are you doing, man?

I'm great.

Thank you, buddy.

Thanks for being on.

Thank you.

That's what I'm talking about, man.

You're putting a smile on the world, man.

I think it's a good time, man.

You saved my life one call.

Oh, shit.

So, Big Milkman is here.

Big Baby Baz is here also.

What do you say there, Baz?

Hey, hey.

Hey, what's up, Milkman?

I had a frown on my face all day.

Get home and find out you're doing the show.

Now I got a smile.

And a boner.

Awesome.

Yep.

All right.

Big Neal is here also.

It's a big neon.

I'm sorry.

I confused you with Neo.

He used to be on this show sometimes.

What's up, neon?

How you doing?

All right.

High five.

And you're welcome for the boners.

Awesome.

High fives all around, guys.

Yeah, she's the real reason why I have a boner.

Oh, that's why you got the priapism?

All right.

Welcome, neon.

Thank you.

Man, we got a crew going on tonight.

You do.

That's put it in a desk drawer and slam the drawer.

You ever try that?

That's a good cure.

It's good.

It feels good.

I like doing it.

Yeah.

Okay, look, we've got to get to prank calls.

The dead is threatening us all and says he hates us.

He's saying horrible things about me and Neon and Milkman.

Did he say anything about Milkman yet?

No.

He called me a stupid spick in the chat room, Milkman.

He told me to go choke on a cock, but I told him that was what his wife does.

Choke on a cock.

He fired him.

I think he probably was very angry.

Go be straight, Neon.

Go be straight.

You know what, I never choke on a crock, so he's got that shit wrong.

I never choke.

I will call a Starbucks.

Anybody want to talk to a Starbucks, Baz?

I don't know what to say to a Starbucks.

Yeah, sure.

I just got home.

I'll give it a try.

Yeah, good, good.

Because I've got to do something real quick.

Thanks for filling in.

What a citizen, Baz.

Starbucks, can we come in here for a second?

Hey, is this Big Ashley?

This is David.

I just came into your Starbucks.

but I feel I have a citizen's duty to report some bad news to you.

You have bad news for me?

Yeah, it's my duty as a citizen.

Carlitos said I was being a good citizen,

and I should alert you that there's a problem in your restroom.

I can barely hear you. You've got to start over.

There's a problem in your restroom.

Can you hear that?

We don't have a bathroom.

In the bathroom.

We don't have a bathroom.

There's a man in there.

I went in.

What? You don't have a bathroom?

No.

Well, I took a shit on your premises.

I thought it was a bathroom.

Well, you're clearly calling the wrong store.

No, this is the Starbucks machine.

I was there.

I drank the coffee, and then I had to take a shit.

I thought it was in the bathroom.

Too much information.

Was that the one by the Chevron?

I took a shit.

Yeah, I'm at your store.

I know where the hell I went.

Okay, well, I don't know what you're talking about,

and we don't have a bathroom, so I can't help you.

Hey, Missy, you don't talk to me like that.

I tell you what.

You're talking to me like, I'll take a bite.

Damn it.

I've got a penis and two testicles.

You're talking to her like that,

but she doesn't appreciate it.

Damn, now I'm all pissed off.

I know, you get all fucking angry at this shit sometimes.

I take shit, man.

You give him an extra 50 cents

to use the actual employee e-bap.

I was going to say,

I went into a room and I took a shit.

I mean, that's all I can tell you.

Is it really a law?

I know there's a lot of common things

that people say is a law,

like that you have to get a break

every such and such hours,

and there's no law.

there's actually no federal law about that maybe some states i don't know we have this we have a

cal we have a state law here you have to do it um five every five hours you have to have 10 minutes

a 10 minute break that's nothing 10 minutes well you get 15 they give you five for for traveling

but then um you also you have to take a lunch too you have to take the lunch i have to take

lunch because i'm in a union day before i'm like oh my god can i i'll skip lunch i don't care like

no you must take your lunch at your assigned time and come back at the assigned time to

really i was like okay oh yeah treat you like little kids god union doesn't play he's like hey

you got a union job man that's all right man yep and the lazy lazy union yeah there you go mexican

american tower mark everybody's trolling the dead just leave them alone that's a cool guy

the dead's just drunk i get in trouble

Hey, Tower Mark.

Yes?

Okay, yeah, I need a level six, please.

One moment.

All right.

This is Sharon.

How can I help you?

Hi, Sharon.

I was talking to a man.

Is there still a man available I can talk to?

No, sir, there isn't.

I'm the assistant manager.

Oh, that's nice, honey.

Is there a manager, however, that's a male that doesn't have assistant in the title?

Or any other man, even if they're below you?

Like a male, a male person?

Y chromosome. We need a Y chromosome.

Excuse me.

Yeah, you owe us a rib, so we really don't want to deal with you.

We need the number six machine.

You owe us a rib.

Damn it.

Damn it, man. Damn it.

Fuck yeah.

She was so baffled.

She was too stunned to even get outraged.

What?

Click.

She did the whole stare at the phone real quick.

quick and then uh big ken is gonna join us in a little bit in the meantime he's sending in numbers

so we can get to uh he just sent in uh let me copy pasta them here for us two at a time put

those in there but before that i'm gonna hit up swap shop see if they've got anything new since

my list what was the last time i did a show on the i think it was the 22nd i was on a fucking hand

out of hand well i was on yesterday but i didn't do did i do a prank yesterday i did do one prank

prank with you guys right it was kind of stupid you and the dead and yeah yeah yeah you got a

couple pranks in and then we had some issues and we lost connection all that good stuff we had some

fun off the air too bad it didn't make it to the air in the intermediary uh here's the gun it says

it's called a birth a bertha a bursa for sale bursa thunder any idea what that is if zyklon

was here he could tell us he might be listening and he might send me a message on facebook

but a bursa thunder uh how'd you spell it b-e-r-s-a bravo echo romeo samsung apple what's

the second word thunder thunder thunder thunder cats ho all thunder yes oh it must be a bike or

something sound like a bike or something or a four-wheeler well it says with 125 rounds of

ammo all gun it's some type of gun yeah okay somebody has to look it up first okay that's

That's definitely going to be some kind of custom handgun.

Some kind of weapon.

It could be a rifle, too.

Some sort.

Yeah, how many pages does the magazine have?

Yeah, how many spaces does the magazine hold?

Spaces.

Want to buy...

I don't know.

I think they want to buy a treated fence post.

Just the fence post.

If somebody shoots you in the head with a spaceman,

does that make a hole in your head,

or does that make a hole in space?

Yeah, right.

You see that movie Gravity?

Good question.

philosophical dude is scientific there's so many aspects you can use in that yeah neon you want to

do a prank i don't care uh you want to talk to a guy who wants to buy a treated fence fence post

you can tell them that we've been stealing them these guys are in tennessee if they answer i'm

stealing them from pastors i love this song too man by the way i love you milkman i love your

mom nope nope too late over there yep well here's luanne who has an xbox that has a chip in it that

It contains every game that ever came out on Nintendo, Super Nintendo, N64, Game Boy, and Sega.

It's not a chip.

It's a hard drive that you do that with, you dumb fuck.

I got one of those in the closet collecting dust.

I used to use it a lot.

That one is like Super Chips, right?

Where you can do all the shortcuts and everything if you know the code.

Oh.

Like Shark.

Shark?

Is it like a shark?

No, no.

It's like a gorp.

It's like a gorp box.

The shark used to plug the module into the garter, into the shark, and plug it into the machine, and you could shortcut all the codes.

Ooh, flash it.

Yeah, hi, you got the pirate Xbox?

I've got an Xbox.

You have an Xbox, and it has a chip in it that contains every game that ever came out on a Nintendo machine?

Yeah.

Oh, so it's a pirate Xbox, right?

I have no idea.

Yeah, it's an illegal Xbox.

It's got all these copyright games on it.

Yeah, I like that.

That's hot.

Can I see it and play with it and make sure it works?

Yeah, sure.

Can I play Mario Brothers?

Yes, it plays all of them.

Oh, yeah?

What games do you like, honey baby?

I just play the Donkey Kong and a few others.

Oh, yeah?

I like Mortal Kombat.

I play Mortal Kombat.

Does it have Mortal Kombat?

I think it has one or two on there, the older one.

Oh, yeah, I play Mortal Kombat.

bad i play a game where like whenever i lose uh around i cut myself with a razor on the arm and i

keep doing it until i pass out from blood loss yeah it's good that was stupid and this was

supposed to be neon's call fuck neon go ahead see if you can do something she has an xbox oh hey

yeah so you said you like to play donkey kong um do you like to get donkey punched sorry do you

like do you like getting donkey punched don't fuck with me at 10 o'clock at night no that's part of

It's part of the game.

Whoa.

Wow.

Don't fuck with her.

Sounds like she's just getting her donkey punched.

Didn't I say I wanted you to do the call?

You know what?

I couldn't hear it.

I couldn't hear her come on.

She was really soft.

That's why.

Really low.

Very...

It's okay.

All right, try Linda here,

who has a very old cast iron coal and wood stove.

I'm going to adapt it for you.

Hey, is Linda there?

I think she's asleep.

Oh, I'm calling about the stove that's for sale.

No, that got sold.

Oh, no.

When did you guys sell it?

Today.

Oh, man.

Do you guys have anything else for sale?

No, not right off the top of my head.

Anything you want to get rid of?

No, I'm not sure, really.

Do you want to get rid of that wife?

Excuse me?

You want to get rid of your wife?

I could come over.

Nah, I don't think so.

Come on, you sound like somebody that wants to party.

Nah, see you later.

Aw, man, you don't want to talk to me?

Damn.

He was thinking about it.

I'm a nice girl.

I mean, come on.

He was like, ah, ah, ah.

Ah, I don't want you to sleep.

Shit.

Maybe if I was really quiet.

Just, I'll be real quiet.

Deborah, who phonetically spelled her name,

because I guess it's very important that you say it correctly.

So if she picks up, I'm going to say it all the more rocks.

She said Lam A. Rowe in parentheses.

If you look at her ad, she put her first and last name,

and then after her last name in parentheses, she did it phonetically

to make sure you pronounce it correctly, I guess.

and it's a 98 Jeep Cherokee.

Oh, okay.

Don't lie.

If you don't see it, I don't need mercy acceptance, okay?

I got it all.

All right.

Hello?

Hi, is this Debra Lamarox?

Yeah, this is Debra.

Okay, Ms. Lamarox, I was just wondering,

I saw your ad about the 98 Jeep Cherokee.

Yeah.

Yeah, is it still for sale?

Yeah, it's still for sale.

It doesn't work, though?

I mean, it doesn't run or anything?

anything um it it was uh in a rear-end accident um a person hit us hit my husband in the rear

so really we're trying to part it out um the engine is still good and there's parts on it

that can be used like tires and stuff but that um it's uh the title is registered as totaled

oh so it's like are you like you guys are technically salvaging it is that what it is

Yeah, basically.

Okay.

Did you get a big insurance payout?

No, not really.

Not a big one.

No?

Do you guys just have, like, liability, or do you guys have, like, collision and all that, too?

I beg your pardon?

Did you have collision and all, or did you just have liability?

Well, we just had liability.

We've already purchased another Jeep.

The reason I was trying to part it out is because the engines in those Jeeps are really good,

and they're very durable and you just about can't kill them.

Were you interested in something to register and drive?

Yeah, I was more interested in the rear end part.

Yeah.

Was it a big rear end, like a big rear end?

Did your husband get hurt in the accident?

He got bruised a little bit and a little bit of soreness

because it was a transmission, I mean a standard transmission.

So he had his foot on the clutch and his hand on the steering wheel.

He would stop for a turn, and the guy back of him,

I guess he was daydreaming or dozing off and just never...

He's probably on his phone.

You know, people are on their phones now, not paying attention.

Well, I don't think he was on his phone.

I think he was just maybe it was early in the morning

and maybe he was just dozing off.

You know, he never braked.

He was in a, I think it was a Honda.

I mean, something like that.

Oh, yeah, those are little rice burners, yeah.

Probably a little stupid kid in there,

probably just masturbating or something.

That's kind of strange for you to say.

Yeah, well, I don't know,

because I was hit in the rear by somebody in a Honda, too,

and it just kind of brings back a lot of memories,

but I actually enjoyed it.

But, yeah, I'm actually, I'm looking for it because I really, I'm looking at this car, at your ad, because I really like, I really need a big back seat.

No, this one is a two-door, so it's a big seat, and the back's folded down as the car goes.

And it was really, the interior's not in that great a shape.

Okay, I don't need it in that great a shape.

Not especially what I'm going to use it for.

I was going to actually use it for, I just need a place to take all my sex partners to, you know, show our sexual organs.

No wonder you're calling me so late.

Yeah, actually, I'm a creature of the night.

I'm a lady of the night, and this is the time I have off.

Goodbye.

Fuck you.

Bye, honey.

Bye.

She's still there.

Well, then.

Come back.

Talk to my pimp.

That was weird.

Cracked my ass off over here.

I wasn't down with the partying scene.

They don't want to hear girls saying that stuff.

She's like, that was weird for you to say.

I was laughing my shit off over here on mute.

Oh, man.

Laughing my shit off.

That's a new one.

All right, guys.

I'm back.

Sorry.

That's okay.

We didn't miss you.

Yeah.

Okay.

Good.

Oh, no.

Oh, Ken's back, everybody.

Sorry.

Kidding.

uh someone's insurance i'm sorry i was an asshole i'm an asshole i love you baz thank welcome back

man yeah i expect no less from you it's okay baz are you dabbing what are you doing do you want

care you're allowed to talk about are you shy or probably being private oh no i can talk about it

because milkman is an expert yeah yeah mainly i'm fixing one up right yeah not really a great

Mainly dabbing, but with a vape pen.

A vape pen.

Milkman, you've got to get that vape pen.

It leaves less smoke flying around.

A little bit different than dabbing, but still gets the same thing done in the long run.

You know, lately I've been doing during the daytime,

and nobody in my house seems to know any difference, so let's go with it, huh?

That's cool.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Ah, that's a good one, Milkman.

Everyone is doing this now on this network.

Holy shit.

So what strain is that now, Ben?

You get that grapefruit stuff.

Okay.

It's like grapefruit shit.

What is it? Grapefruit?

Hairy grapefruit? What is it?

Hey!

It's good.

It's got the cherry grapefruit

sour diesel.

Sour Jedi Death Star.

Blue Dream.

Clear Citrus.

You mix the gluten.

You're mixing all those together?

In GDP.

All in one little swirl, man.

Don't mix them like that.

It went down so smooth.

It's full of ice all the way, about like six inches of ice.

Beautiful, man.

Perfect tip.

That sounds like when I was a kid and at church functions and I thought it would be cool to mix all the soda flavors together in a cup and drink it.

That sounds exactly what you're doing.

It works a lot better.

It's that idea that works a lot better.

All the flavors come out good.

They never come out bad.

They always come out good.

see milkman started with the soda as a kid and now he graduated to the

mixing the buds yeah it was a gateway gateway i admit it man soda machine

it's suicide that was a suicide carlito suicide that's what they call them oh yeah

great graveyard graveyard here in the west coast

to me it always tasted like um blow pops not blow pops um the tootsie pops it always tasted

like tootsie pops to me i don't know why that's what it always i was like it tastes like what

you put a lot like a liquid tootsie pop yeah you would put a lot of dr pepper in it or something

maybe because of the root beer and stuff like that yeah root beer a little bit maybe yeah but

but definitely not the Mountain Dew. It's got orange

in it. Fuck that owl,

too, with the Tootsie Roll Pop or whatever.

He's like, how many of you? And he just bites into it.

He's fucking, oh, I'm so smart.

I'm a professor. Oh, I'm smart.

I ate the little kid's Tootsie Roll Pop.

Yeah, too, right? Yeah.

And then he ate the gum

and he's a bird. They can't regurgitate.

So that stupid owl choked

and died. There's no gum in those.

Oh, well, he choked

on the Tootsie Roll, I hope.

Because birds can't...

really funny is that actually created scenes for that you know people like went back and made like

different spins of that so they actually got one where they poison him another one where they

poison him and the owl falls on top and kills the guy and there's a good look at youtube i'm not

kidding you i looked it up i was laughing because i love that scene yeah i saved one of like the

video just that very end scene it's the final scene in the original 70s commercial yeah yeah

because the turtle sent them to see the owl right right and then there's what they see

there's several of them in the very end

there's like five of them I think and the last one you get

is the owl Mr. Professor

I'm putting Tootsie Pop

is it Tootsie Pop Dysfunction

maybe okay I found a few

Tootsie Pop Owl just put that Tootsie Pop

Owl commercial that's good enough

okay I found it I got a bookmark

okay alright alright everyone check

that out on the chat room and

listening and watching or whatever it is you're doing

go check it out

crazy as our listeners are they probably could come up with a new version

version of it maybe you know maybe you're the guy down there giving the cell phone yeah here's

someone with the email address starting with blackbird for jesus uh-huh blackbird singing

in the dead of night i'm wanting to buy small house or mobile home and land with warruner

financing also i'll have for sale books 50 shades of gray hell yeah and second one is 50 shades

is darker and are new i've already read them we'll take oh she masturbated reading those things

she didn't read the last one or maybe that's her favorite have you read those carly no i know of

them i've heard enough i haven't read them no i think tabachi has tabachi was quoting some crazy

quotes out of it like soft limits and hard limits one time like motherfucker you read that shit

didn't you oh man because i told him i said it to my wife she's like oh yeah oh my god how did

he know that he was yeah i heard they're horribly written people just want to read the sex yeah is

that sharon yeah i'm gonna put my old lady here on the line she's looking for those books that you

got the sex books go ahead hey sharon how's it going mikey how are you i'm doing fine i'm looking

at your ad here talking about the 50 shades of gray books that you have yeah do you still have

them yes how are you how were they i haven't obviously i haven't read them yet but i'm just

just wondering um before i even commit to buying how were those books how are they uh good

did they do you feel like they kind of changed your life about like and like your ass your

perspective of what of sex but i just want to know because i don't want to bring them in my

house i have kids and stuff and so i just want to you know i want to read them but i'm i'm just a

little i'm a little uh a little shy about it so i was just wondering since you'd read them

Sure. I mean, you know, my boys are grown. I had kids in my house. You definitely don't want to leave them alone.

No, I didn't buy them.

I mean, the second book and then the first one, the first one was very, it was very explicit.

Like, what do you mean explicit?

Like, what do they...

I don't even know, like, how far these go.

All I've heard are soft limits and hard limits.

oh okay um did um you didn't masturbate with these did you

some kind of weird question and i appreciate them well no i'm just wondering because i've

heard a lot of stuff about these books and i just cut you know and these are going to be used books

so i just wanted to know do the pages stick together do the pages stick together or do they

They smell like fish.

You probably do.

Don't ever call my number again.

Oh, you don't want to sell them to me?

We're going to call back a lot to get the books.

Are you there, lady?

Hello?

I hung it up.

Yeah, that's the only thing about your current setup is we can't tell if somebody hung up or not.

Yeah, well, when you hear that doom, doom, doom, then they did.

That's why I had that incorporated, yeah.

Wait, what does it sound like?

Gotcha.

Doom, doom, doom.

I don't even know. How do you spell it?

D-O-O-N?

Three times?

G-L-U-N-G.

Glung, glung, glung.

Blah, blah, blah.

I want to leave a message.

Yeah, I want to hear that call again.

Yeah, we want to talk to you soon.

Patel or Patel.

We're cracking each other up.

Patel.

He's like, why you want to talk to him?

And then he comes on

that was hilarious that was a good night man yeah you had a good time

that guy's name was like all b v i b i was that a patel yeah they were all patels

i have like every letter in the alphabet yeah yeah milkman did you get to do any prank calls

while i was i was in physical therapy when you guys were on the air yesterday did you guys do

do any pranks yesterday at all we got like one or two connected i wasn't on very long dude i think

i was on there maybe 20 minutes tops 30 40 oh maybe i don't think i was on there that long

because he was like busy just joking around talking out of his head like whatever then he

was on everybody was trying to talk to him and people were added to call and by the time we

finally got you on he didn't have any color on the lines i don't know what happened i was ready

to do calls i was driving around that's what i was like i was like this perfect man and then

i was driving around milkman style so actually what happened was we all got disconnected no one

knew it we sat there for the first couple minutes still had a good show going and it was hilarious

so i said i wish you would have made it to the air but actually something happened with his father

remember he said i gotta go my father won't let me out so his dad caught him his dad caught him

prank calls. Who was that?

Well, something like that occurred

and I'm not going to give all

the details, but anyway, his father and him

had an encounter and that's why he didn't come back.

We was wrong. His father did not

like it.

His dead spectrum.

He swam a baseball bat out of it.

Dad dead. He ain't going to mind.

I guess he turned out to have the wrong

idea that he did mind.

Dad dead went after the dead.

Or the dad.

I don't know what we call him.

dad dead or the dad oh dad dead was the we had had called him from back in the old days man i

don't know you remember talking to dad before on the air it was the dad because that dead sounds

like dad dead so i used to say the dad and his mom was mom dad or my mom dad yeah yeah we talked

to mama too she was on the show once yeah and i know i think his dad's been on the air too i'm

pretty sure he has i know i've talked to him many times off the air yeah he did that took care of

of his grandma and all that like his mom told us that on the air his mom was like he tries to be

tough but he takes care of his grandma he's a good kid and i love him that was a few weeks before she

died it's really sad he really had a bad time dealing with all that his mom and his mom and

his mom and grandma died man he really had a rough time man get some get some yeah hey we're

this is the yard sale can you get some having a yard sale you're having a yard sale

Uh-huh.

Okay, yeah, we want to go get some.

Yeah, we want to get some items.

Yeah, we want to get some.

We want to get some.

Yeah.

You what?

We want to get some.

Some items.

I guess.

Yeah, do you have furniture?

We got a little bit.

What kind of furniture you got there?

Well, we've got two dressers, and we've got a big mirror.

We've got a cabinet with a sink in it, and we've got a bunch of chairs.

Yeah, well, it's not.

Mr. Snozzwell is here with his wife, Big Neon, and we're going to have them fuck on those dresses.

Do you have any beds?

Do you have any early bird specials?

You're going to do what now?

They're going to fuck on the...

Yeah, we're going to look at your items.

Yeah, they're going to have sex on it, and I'm going to take pictures and videos from...

I can't hear you.

Sex, sex, S-E-X.

Penis!

Vagina.

Yeah, you know what?

I've got the penis, you know?

Sexual organs.

Ma'am, do you have any early bird specials so we can go over there and look at the stuff early on?

Ma'am, we're going to make the baby.

Are you going to show us your cooch here, granny?

You whole, lugger, staticky, I can't even hear you.

Sex, yes.

I think you're hard of hearing.

We want the items.

Do you have any early bird specials?

Sex.

We want sex.

She thinks it's one person talking.

Oh, my God.

It's the white devil.

Ma'am, we're one person and our voice keeps changing.

It's an affliction.

No, I am the devil.

Medical affliction.

Hello.

But regardless of our affliction, we would like to purchase your items.

No.

So we need to look at them first.

I just wanted to know sex.

Sex.

I just wanted to know sex.

Can you see the gold mine with the thread?

Oh.

The stress.

Ride the snake.

Ma'am, do you have any afternoon specials?

Sex.

Sex, sex, you know, sex, S-E-X, sex.

Mm, mm, mm.

Talking about.

I'm talking about sex.

Sex, let's talk about sex.

Can you show us your coach there, granny?

Show us your coach.

Milkman's going to get some.

He's going to milk you.

Get out of here, mama.

What are you talking about?

I think I got through.

Let's see if husband or something picks up there.

Oh, oh, oh.

I haven't been drinking in a long time.

You motherfucker, you.

Yes, hi.

Yes, we want to have sex at your yard sale.

You sound blurry.

I can't hear you.

Can you put a man on the phone?

I can't understand you.

We want to have sex at your yard sale.

No, don't you dare call back here no more.

We're calling to have sex at the yard sale and take pictures and videos of it, of the penetration.

Penetration.

Don't care no more and don't think about anything like that no more.

Oh, my God.

You sound like you have a burning mouth.

We're going to do penetration.

Oh, shit.

All right.

She finally got it.

She went to go have sex.

What?

I need to do that before they get here.

She finally got it.

I hate to comment on old 95-year-old ones like that.

They're so innocent.

No, they're not.

Milkman, I feel pretty bad.

I had this old lady in the U.K. recently tell me that if she goes to the hospital, it would be my fault.

And she was crying.

And then I had another old British lady tell me I was a horrible, terrible man.

That was awesome.

You're a horrible, terrible man.

She started crying right when she was hanging up the phone.

She's like, you're a horrible man.

Oh, shit.

Sorry about that, folks, man.

I'm sorry.

It makes me hesitate to do those

UK calls.

I always get the old ladies and they freak out.

You know, that's one of the

funny things. That's one of Nunu's favorite

things, meanness to the elderly.

It is.

You love to

with Tourette's, man. This guy is like

a trip, man.

The guy on YouTube that does

the music where he sings

and he doesn't take his Tourette's medication

on purpose.

It's called the Tourette's guy.

The Tourette's guy.

Well, then there's also Tourette's guy.

That's someone different.

There's a guy who just does, he sings songs that people request, but he doesn't take his

Tourette's medicine, and he's like, ah, it's like in the middle of the songs.

Nunu will post it.

Yeah.

Is Nunu in the chat right now?

I thought so.

No, he's just asking.

Has he been around lately?

He was there.

Nunu, call in, you bastard.

He's been coming in earlier, I think I noticed.

He might have a new schedule or something, but he won't tell us.

He's so like a turtle.

like a turtle you know we have no idea anything about he might be dead and we'll never know if

something happened to him you know how bad we would feel if i was thinking about that

he really should do something at least give us something something to know you know i got his

email i got his email he doesn't have to talk to his own solution i created one for him on the

madhouse site as well before all the email and all of them got given out i gave him the original

original one he had one oh listen with this whole the dead crisis here's another problem the dead is

supposed to meet me at lonesome loser's wedding uh oh uh next in in november we're supposed to

hang out there we're going to go to lonesome we're going to go to lonesome's uh wedding and

evil arty's supposed to make the trip up also supposedly from florida arty smarty yeah so i

was like man yeah but now the dead is flaking out now maybe he's not going to make it now

You know he's a weekly thing.

Come on. It's a weekly thing with him.

He'll be all...

He'll be cool.

Dude, he just went manic tonight, man.

He's got a lot of shit going on.

I'm not even going to bring it on the air, man.

He went manic and got fucking buzzed up.

Now he's off and buzzing.

He went...

No, that's not funny at all.

I started hearing he's indignant.

I know that he's well-torched.

You know, when he starts getting indignant like that, he's pretty well done.

He gets ignorant.

He doesn't last too much longer after that.

Ignorant.

Yeah, usually by that time, man, he's pretty well gone, man.

Oh, boy.

All right, we'll play this motherfucker song.

Everybody, you know, everybody say a prayer for the dead.

Yeah, while we listen to Stairway to Heaven.

Go ahead.

How appropriate.

I don't know that the stairway leads to the Caribbean either.

that I'm not so certain of that, I would

recheck my map first.

It leads to Hotel California. It's the same band.

Well, that's not a bad destination.

There are destinations in the Caribbean,

but I don't know if that's particularly the one

that he needs.

Milkman, you're wrong. The Eagles sang Hotel California.

Wrong again, Milkman.

Didn't they do that? I never said they didn't.

Of course they did.

The Beatles did.

Oh, that's right.

That's my favorite group.

The Monkees

did um let it be you don't even know hey jude by the monkeys he can't even remember anymore

george says hotel california was by the beach boys so you guys are right yeah of course

hotel california oh this is josie how nice is to you yes hi i need to speak to a guest

yes sir do you know the room number no i have the guest name yeah they have the last name sir

Vincent.

Vincent?

Yeah, like in Beauty and the Beast.

Remember that TV show where the woman was fucking the beast, having sex with the beast?

And she got pregnant with the baby from the beast, and then she died, given the baby.

Oh, the first name, sir?

They canceled the series.

Ben.

Just a moment.

I don't see Vincent here.

One moment.

Bullshit.

Yeah.

Baz, that's your people.

Baz.

Baz, talk to him.

Yeah.

What do I say?

I don't know.

We have a Tagalog translator.

I have a Tagalog.

That was Tagalog.

I got a new phone.

I've been cracking out on it.

Cracking out.

I got...

Hello.

I got a...

Hi.

Hello.

I don't see Vincent registered.

I do see a reservation.

But it's not at this time.

Oh, that's not good.

Ma'am, do you speak Tagalog?

I do speak Tagalog, yes.

Yeah, oh yeah, como esta aca? Como esta ho?

Mabute?

Mabute, si. Mabute, si, salamat.

Oh, good, good, yeah, yeah.

I'm actually, what I really called for, I was kind of hoping maybe you could help me out,

because I thought you spoke Tagalog because I've been in there before, and I saw you,

and I'm looking for some pek-pek. What do you say?

Sir, if you are going to speak and talk about that thing,

I will be happy to transfer you to our security team.

Yes, I'm going to speak about that thing.

Yes, sir.

Thank you, sir.

Yes, sir.

You're going to transfer me to the security man.

Talk about that.

Very anti-pickering.

Oh, my goodness.

Yeah.

Maybe she's into the Pug Pug.

I've got to mute for a little bit.

I'll be back in about 10 minutes.

What?

It's your turn.

Handle security here, Mano.

Okay, okay.

Well, they're going to come in and do the laundry.

We got voicemail anyway.

Don't worry, you're good, you're good.

You're off the hook.

Go, go, you're free.

Welcome to a new kind of indulgence.

I'm sorry, can I speak with Bonnie?

How can I assist you?

Hey, big girl, I need to speak to a guest there, please.

Sure.

What was her name, please?

Farhan.

What was her name?

F as in fart, A-R-H-A-N.

I'm coming out of the mouth under that name,

so what about the first name?

Salman. S-A-L-M-A-N.

Sorry, Jen, now he's coming up onto that name.

Oh, what about...

She didn't even try. She's like, oh, fuck this guy.

She didn't like backpack either.

That was in Australia, but yeah, I think she probably spoke Tagalog also.

That lady was funny.

She was like, if you're going to speak about that...

I will transfer the security.

Steven Gar.

Sometimes all of us.

Who's staying in a hotel.

Maybe we shouldn't be seeing these people's last names.

Oh.

Yeah, maybe not.

Well, just give a different version of it on the air.

Garrett Sun.

Yes, Garrett Sun.

Note to self, add Sun to the last name of the person I pranked.

There you go.

Oops.

I was supposed to think that not say it.

Thank you for calling Hilton Seattle Airport Conference Center.

May I direct your call?

Hello, female.

I would like to be transferred to a guest, please.

The guest's last name?

name? Gar. Car. Gar. Ar. Gar. Tell his name please. G-A-R-R-E-T-T Gar. I don't have anyone

on that last name. What's his first name? Steven. Steven. Gar. Gar. Gar. Gar. I don't

have anyone on that name. What about Gar? Gar. Gar. Gar. Sir, I'm not understanding

what you're saying to me. Do you have it under fool? Fool? F-O? F-O-O? Fool? There's

nothing what about under people no uh do you have it under poppy people under what i'm sorry

poppy people so that poppy people poppy people okay well she's done she's mean

i didn't think she'd last that long where was that radio chatter coming from her was it you

milkman i was listening to that that happy on her end it's not like a security radio i was

I was going to say something, and we lost her.

They're like, uh-oh, uh-oh, we call security, we call security.

E.T.T. security.

His line is being traced.

Well, Nunu apparently is around now, or he was.

Around 1047, he was around.

He sent me a number for an M. Rivers who gets mad.

Okay, okay, that's it.

I think that Rivers is one that we called.

We talked and said we wanted to express our condolences for Joan Rivers.

Uh-huh, yeah.

Yeah, she's got a few calls.

You stupid American.

Definitely.

Yeah.

I don't know who you're talking about.

I'm a homosexual on that one.

I don't know who you're talking about.

And I'm not connecting.

He was fabulous.

Good morning.

Yeah, hi.

Is that Rivers?

Yeah.

We needed to confirm about your sexual organs.

Did you pick those up?

I know you think you're calling me for it.

Well, you left your sexual organs on the transport, on the transportation.

You left them?

You realize it's four in the morning.

It's not that time where I'm calling from, sir.

I'm sorry.

Oh, I was hoping for the slow-mo hang-up.

He's getting used to these calls.

Ha, ha, ha.

Oh, there you go.

Nenu can now happily go wank off.

Happily got one in.

All right, look, don't run the dishwasher when you do that.

Hey, how are you?

Is that Ariel?

Hi.

Hello.

Yes.

Oh, hi.

My name is Cross.

My wife is a part-time babysitter.

I see you were looking for one.

Can I put her on the line?

I'm the babysitter.

Thank you, though.

No, talk to her, please.

Hi, I want to be your babysitter.

No.

No name wants a babysitter.

Here's a no name.

Neon, if they answer you, take the call, okay?

All right.

Do a babysitter call.

Ooh.

I like babysitter stuff, yeah.

That's what Howard Stern always talks about, babysitter porn.

He must have had something happen when he was a kid with a babysitter.

How about that, Milkman?

You get a little babysitter action?

Uh-oh.

Seriously.

Hello?

Hi, I'm calling about the babysitter ad that I saw on Craigslist.

Uh-huh.

It doesn't have a name.

Can I get your name?

Hello?

What?

It's in California.

They're weird.

This is thank you.

of this isn't the song i just played yeah so i am she's got long dark wavy hair i do declare

isn't that what it is that's what it is guys google that right now google those lyrics guys

i was gonna say do i gotta do that i mean i thought you had it but i can't do that because

i got it on my android it's not immigrant song what the fuck is it no it's from the box set

my girl she got long black hair she's got long black wavy hair i do declare that's the first

line in the song hold on i got it this pile of fuck the girl i love she got long black wavy hair

that's what it's called i think that's the one that's what the song is called yeah it's called

the girl i love she got long black wavy hair hey there's another one too hey that's the worst

google looking up i've ever heard what i don't know what you just found

hang on she's got long black wavy hair

how is this possible i love she got long black wavy hair this ain't this

i think that's the one dude i don't remember the exact phrasing of the title man but that's the one

that's what the fuck it is yeah i think that's it oh my god this is like that star trek next

Next Generation episode of Yesterday's Enterprise.

Holy crap, here, look. I've pasted Wikipedia for you.

I got it.

I'm sorry, ma'am.

I sit corrected.

I apologize.

You talked to the bitch.

Yeah, he wanted to keep talking to you and Morgan last night.

What's that?

He wanted to keep talking to you and Morgan last night.

That's just Morgan last night.

Bring the bitch back.

He's like, oh, but I'll talk to the bitch.

y'all talk to the bitches

yeah what the fuck was that

what the hell was that shit

we totally fucking like trampled on

all of our shit that we did

don't be letting them fat bitches

call your show anymore

he's like fuck he was pissed at Gary

he's like man this is a waste of my time

this is a waste of my time

oh shit

we lost our cred

now he thinks we're just a bunch of fat chicks

pissed whatever i was making up stuff about him having some kind of speech impediment that made

no sense i don't even know and the steroid use the use of synthol synthol is like this oil that

like these uh some muscle some weightlifters will inject right before competitions that are

basically like silicon oil that just blows up your muscles um so it looks like that's really

good for you yes yeah but now they're starting to people like literally their arms are splitting

putting wide open because of it and getting infections that can't be treated.

Oh, yeah, synthol.

I saw a guy one time at the gym.

He had done steroids, and he was, you know, you could tell he was totally yoked out.

This was, like, some years back, and he was doing a bicep curl,

and the bicep just curled up.

It detached.

Oh, God.

It was awesome.

Yeah, or his testicles all shriveled up.

he was one of those like like really big guys but that skips leg day you know

he doesn't like his cardio or his leg work yeah and he had one of those voices like mike tyson

like jesus christ you know oh my god jesus like nobody could take you seriously so he's like

screaming he's like okay have you seen the mexican that was wagging his tongue at people

have you seen that mexican guy wasn't that oh yes gross no i'm trying to avoid the gym

going on around that time i used to have this guy i used to have this black guy used to um

follow me around the gym and this is before i was married and and before i was like you know like

i i had a boyfriend but i really was you know i didn't have there ain't no ring on it you know

i'm saying and um oh man this guy used to like watch me on machines and stuff like you're

You're fucking creepy.

And, yeah, so just seeing the Mexican guy wagging his tail, or wagging his tongue.

Oh, that's a creepy factor.

Like, who does that?

Not me.

Milkman?

Maybe.

Baz, no.

Baz is a...

I'm not a stalker, dude.

I pray well, man.

My prayer's pretty clear, man.

Baz probably has the highest, out of all the PCN stuff, I think Baz has the highest educational degree.

I think he has the highest educational degree out of all of us.

Or, like, if we were all on an island together,

he would be our professor on Gilligan's Island, basically.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, he really would be.

I don't have an advanced degree.

Yeah.

I do not.

Don't you guys have master's degrees?

I don't.

I don't have one.

I do not.

I don't have one.

I thought, doesn't Jaya have one?

That's squares.

Yes, he has an MBA, I think, right?

Exactly, that's it.

Yeah, but that's business.

That doesn't count.

Yeah, that doesn't count.

This guy is fucking splicing genomes and doing stuff with bat sperms.

Yep.

Yeah, harvested five milliliters of bat semen today.

Did you really, or are you just making that up from the print?

I'm just making that up.

Okay, I was about to say.

I can't tell if you're being serious or not, dude.

You're really...

It was all in the laundry.

Yeah.

Neil was mentioning this to me recently.

Well, no, I mean, some of the shit that we do would seem ridiculous.

I mean, there literally is a chemical that we used to use in the lab was salmon sperm DNA.

And don't ask me why DNA from salmon sperm would be better than any other source.

But that's just what everybody used for this one experiment, and it worked.

Salmon are pretty, aren't they a determined species of fish, right?

They go off to stupid things.

Yeah, they do.

I do, but I think it was just because at the hatcheries they can harvest a lot of salmon sperm and it's easy to make the DNA.

We just used it for some incidental thing and some procedure we did.

I can't even remember.

The Darted Restaurant Company, I thought you'd be interested in this, Baz,

is working on trying to do selective breeding with lobsters

to get a certain type of lobster that they can raise on farms underwater.

Because it's pretty much not possible right now.

You have to catch the lobsters wild no matter what.

It's like wild, wild.

Yeah, that's why it's...

Yeah, so Darden Restaurants owns Red Lobster as well as Olive Garden, stuff like that.

So they have a really highly vested interest in being able to farm, produce, possibly genetically modify.

I'm guessing they're looking at that option.

You don't know.

I don't know.

Maybe they might just do selective breeding for a few generations.

I don't know if they know enough about what makes them able to live in a farm to be able to do anything other than just selective breeding.

Yeah, exactly.

but that's kind of cool i was so yeah i guess yeah kind of makes sense yeah but now we're going

to see farm-raised lobster so now lobster it's going to be blase you know what i mean like salmon

is now salmon now is like yeah salmon is like mcdonald's the mcdonald's of fish now i uh i was

gonna tell you about this carlito uh the other night well the other night we did a one of baz's

numbers the uh the whole you were exposing yourself through the door crack of your hotel

hotel room gordo had like me and gordo had this guy going so fucking good like we told him we saw

his penis in the hallway video this guy was willing to send a snapshot of his dick down to

the front desk for us to compare to the video and gordo's giving her she's like uh sir you're

gonna take your pants off all the way because your uh your pants weren't in the security video

he's like oh okay and we're like all right we need you just to lean back and like just grab

at the tip of your dick

because that's how

it was presented

and take a snapshot

and the guy's like

okay I'll go

alright I'm gonna do it

right now

you should have

have him bring the phone

with him

to the front desk

and show like

here I'm just gonna

show you this

well after he did it

we all started

fucking laughing

we were like

are you a fucking moron

that's some borderline

shit that shit

that's awesome

I love that shit

well we didn't

call the senate

yeah I know

I know

no it's just funny

I'm saying it's

it's crazy that people

do this shit

oh my god

we're like

are you somewhere

might want some pretty good lighting.

It's like, this has to be perfect.

Neon, you're in California.

You think Safeway is open right now?

Yeah, I think so.

Okay, here we go.

Thank you for calling your friendly Lincoln Road Safeway.

Using your touch-to-phone, make a selection from the following choices,

or stay on the line and your call will automatically transfer to our customer service desk.

Please listen to the options as our menu has changed.

For store hours and location information, press 1.

For our bakery, press 2.

For our deli, press 1.

One moment, please.

You have entered an invalid extension.

Please listen to the options as our menu has changed.

That's zero.

One moment, please.

You have entered an invalid extension.

Please listen to the options as our menu has changed.

For store hours and location information, press 1.

For our bakery, press 2.

For our deli, press 3.

For our floral department, press 4.

Deli, 3.

One moment, please.

You have entered.

All right, retarded.

Retarded, yeah.

But great way of explaining it, right?

Yeah.

Well, I guess option one was to hear the hours, but still, you know what I'm saying.

They're rolling those phones over to voicemail or to whatever they're calling in.

Put a greeting.

Put a warm greeting on them, please.

I want a wet greeting.

That too.

Our office is now closed.

And you get a person who can say it in English and Spanish.

At the same time.

Well, no.

It's English.

Okay.

Here we go with the porcelain Japanese doll.

Ken, do a call, man.

You ready for your porcelain Japanese doll?

Who, Ken?

You get a beer machine?

I don't think Ken's there.

Okay.

Yeah, I'll get a porcelain doll.

That's because I'm talking to myself.

Oh, do you want to take this one?

Do you want to take this one, Ken?

oh we're just can't take it take it offer to you first let's say i put some roommate

yes dude we haven't done those in a while someone has a room to rent the door to share

it's just big enough to put two queen-sized beds in it what's going on wow really i think i did

that gave us a lot of info

hello everett speaking hi yeah you uh my sister's looking for uh places uh like a one bedroom one

one bath that i guess you people got listed okay i missed a word or two there she's looking for a

one bedroom or two uh here's here's my sister for the one bedroom sister hey everett hi hi um what

do you have available oh actually nothing but uh pretty soon i may have something available

um the one that's going to be pretty soon is that a one or two bedroom well um i could have one of

each pretty soon, but I was thinking of a two bedroom. Okay. Um, so what are the qualifications

for income? Because I'm, um, I'm kind of, uh, going to be in between jobs, but I didn't know,

do you have to have like a verifiable income if I go in and fill out an application? Well,

I have to be persuaded in my mind that you're going to be able to pay the rent. Well, honey,

I could pay that rent, but I don't know if you, I don't know if you'd like the type of income that

I get well how are you gonna pay the rent well I could come in and show you yeah that'd be fine

yeah um are you gonna have some alone time say maybe tomorrow evening yeah that's a possibility

yeah um let's see maybe I don't know I guess I could we could meet at a restaurant or you want

to meet at your house or I just need to know that I have a I need to have an electrical outlet

you need what I need an electrical outlet some electricity so I can um show you how I'm going

going to make my money oh um yeah i live in wailuku and uh i don't know whether they have

outlets in the for example mcdonald's in wailuku or somewhere in calgary like that well i don't

know about a public place maybe more something private okay okay um i guess you know what in

the dark's fine everyone looks the same in the dark right if it's that dark yeah yeah

oh yeah um yeah i'll just have probably one of my uh one of my bouncers come with me but

yeah i could definitely show you how i how i'm um how my money make do you like uh do you like

dances pardon me do you like dances what about them do you do you like do you like dances oh

well i've never had one as a tenant but uh do you like well do you like girls that can dance

personal friends do you like girls that can dance well sure why not my wife is one who does a lot

Because, you know what, usually, honey, I need a good pole,

but you sound like you could probably provide that for me, at least for the night.

Sorry, I'm not hearing you perfectly.

Oh, my goodness.

Well, I need a pole, usually, to dance, and that's how I make my money.

But if you're going to provide it for me, hey, why not?

Well, I don't know whether what you're going to let me know how much money you make.

Yeah, as long as, you know, usually the rate I go at it, people usually make it rain.

I don't take the hail, you know what I'm saying.

If it bounces from the ground, I don't want it.

So anywho, yeah, how about we set something up for tomorrow?

I could bring some candles if that's better, if you're afraid of the dark.

But what I got for you, you won't be afraid of.

If you have a private room in your home, that's fine.

Do you have a wife? Are you married?

Are you married?

Do you want your wife to come and watch?

I think we lost him.

He's in Hawaii, so I'm sure it's like a coconut bomb.

That dirty old motherfucker, he wanted it.

Yeah, Neon.

Neon, you're kicking ass.

I'm trying them again

Hey Everett this is Amber

We got disconnected

We were talking about the dance for tomorrow

It's breaking up even worse now

Most of you can't hear

Oh no must be that coconut phone

Oh fucking shit

Fucking asshole

Now I'm hearing a male voice

Oh no no no

It's a little tester on my phone

But no it's just you and I

Do you want to meet up tomorrow

And I can fill out the application

and show you how my money make?

Well, I'm not sure what you're saying about show me.

If you're going to show me a dance,

that isn't going to tell me how much money you make.

What I need is a history of your earnings.

Oh, well, I can bring all of that.

I can bring pay stubs, but I prefer to provide more of that,

more of a display, let's say.

Is your wife right there?

Why don't you send me your financial information first?

First, I can give you an e-mail address, and you can send that.

Oh, I'm not comfortable with that.

I like to reveal all in person, though.

Well, I think I need to have that.

You know what?

I can bring someone with me, and I can bring one of my clients with me.

Let me go ahead and change this.

That's everything else but what I need.

What I need is your financial history.

Oh, yeah, I'll bring that, too.

Well, why don't you just e-mail it to me, and you won't have to.

Oh, I'm a little shy.

I'm a little shy to send it over the email.

I think I do better in person.

You know, one-on-one, sometimes two-on-one.

Yeah, I probably want to see the financial information first.

If you want, I'll give you an email address.

Well, you can see enough when I'm there in person.

I mean, what's the problem?

There's a problem.

What's the problem?

There's no problem.

I'm hearing a male voice again.

Well, now, this is one of my clients,

and he's always been very happy when I've been with him.

Okay, well, I think it's a real...

Sir, sir, this is David.

This is David, sir.

And if you need...

I was going to tell him that I've been supporting you for about the last year.

Yeah.

And you need your own place now.

The male voice freaks him out.

You hear him?

I'll hear him.

Oh, shit.

You killed him.

You were killing his boner, Baz.

We're no bingos.

Aloha

Oh now he's so brave

Getting Milkman back on in here

He dropped

I have to start charging for this sex talk

Hey I'm calling about the room for rent

Yeah yeah of course

I'd like to find out more about it

I'm in need of a room

Yeah you're looking for yourself

Or somebody else

It's a shit room you know

Okay, who will I be sharing the room with?

Yeah, well, I'm going to share it with somebody else today,

so if you want to come over around 7, 7.30, I think.

Oh, so you can't tell me who I would be sharing the room with?

Yeah, no, there's one guy living in the room outside,

and the one in the share room is another guy.

He's going to come tonight.

Where's the, you said there's a shit room?

Good evening, Dr. Byhild.

Hello.

Hey, look, if you want to take a look at the room,

you can come today between 7 and 7.30, all right?

Send me a text to this number, it's not a problem, and I'll send you the address back, all right?

Are you Puerto Rican?

No, I'm from Ecuador, actually.

Oh, that's disgusting.

Oh, okay.

That's disgusting, people.

Hey, I'm back.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Baz, but he really pissed me off with his bullshit.

Oh, that's good.

I'm glad he took care of it.

Did you hear him?

He was working at the hotel and picked up a fucking line.

Yeah, right?

Yeah, I got the number.

I'm going to paste it.

Lovely.

I was like, ask if you could get naked for the interview since he'll be sharing a room.

I just blasted all the way at the bottom.

That should be him.

How does that connect to the double trip?

I think he's at work and he had to pick up the fucking hotel line.

Oh, fuck.

I was like, what the fuck?

That was weird.

Then my kid walked in and I'm like, okay, I got to mute here for a sec.

Oh, no.

So this should be him answering the phone.

All right, we'll see.

He didn't have a name.

Oh, yeah, no name.

Aloha, hotel operator.

Yeah, front desk, please.

And how may I assist you, sir?

Yeah, send me to the front desk.

I can help you.

No, you can't because you're a woman.

I need to speak to a man.

Oh, you want a man.

Okay, one moment, please.

Thank you.

Hurry the fuck up.

Just tell them it's your religion.

Sometimes I say that my wife doesn't let me talk to women because I cheated already.

Oh, shit.

I can't, I can't.

But I've done men, too, because I got caught.

You've done men?

Yeah, I got caught.

Yeah, I came out as having messed around with a guy to my wife,

and I wasn't allowed to talk to men in the film.

Yes, can you call us back about ten minutes?

No.

I've got a question.

No.

Fuck you, asshole.

Milkman has a question.

Well, I'm going to have to answer your question because there's no man here.

Yes, Milkman, she'll answer your question.

Can you talk with a deep voice like this?

Can you talk like a deep voice like this?

2-1-2-5-5-6.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

No, no.

Oh, shit, she's got the number.

No.

Ma'am, you don't want to answer my...

Okay, can you answer my question?

Yes.

The number's 5-5-5-1-2-1-2.

We're in trouble.

Did she want to answer my question?

I was going to ask her how many...

Okay, you want to answer a number question?

How many fingers?

Are you good at math, miss?

Oh, jeez.

How many fingers?

Oh, that never gets old.

Any guess over one is inappropriate.

That's always a good way to end the call.

Like, if it's not going well, just say, how many fingers?

I don't have any guess by the name.

Okay, we'll answer this question before I let you go.

It's like a quick slap to the nuts real quick to piss him off.

Hi, it's Jacob over there.

Jacob?

How you doing there, sweetie?

Hi, you wanted to speak with Jake.

Yeah, was he at?

Yes.

Okay, one moment, please.

Who's Jake?

I don't know.

Probably the asshole on the other end.

Maybe she didn't realize.

A little bastard.

Maybe she thought it was someone else.

Jake.

We should ask Jake how many fingers he thinks she can take.

I don't want to go.

This is a fun show.

You guys having fun?

You guys enjoying it?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, man.

Me too.

It's always fun.

I'm thinking about moving my VTR show's night there, Mr. Cross.

Moving about?

To what? To Friday nights?

Nah, I think Saturday before Dirty Earring goes on.

Okay.

And Dirty Earring doesn't always go on, so that way if he doesn't show up, you can just extend.

Right.

That'd be great.

I'm pretty much done with Gary because we need to...

Yeah, he got burned.

Yeah, we're burnt out on him.

Yeah, Gary's, uh...

I felt kind of bad for the guy

that ended last night

because he was just so defeated.

He was like, uh...

We didn't hear from him for, like, 50 minutes.

Yeah, dude, but you know,

with the way our community's at now,

he's going to get harassed

until he leaves again.

Until he just leaves BTR,

he's going to always get...

People are always going to fuck with him now.

Well, it's kind of not the same.

Aloha, DoubleTree Security.

Terrence speaking.

Yeah, I need to talk to the guy

at the front desk.

He's got a room to rent.

Okay.

Do you know who it is?

He's renting rooms on the side at a discount.

Yeah, he says I pay half price and I get to drink all the stuff in the little refrigerator.

I'm sorry.

I don't think you're at the wrong hotel.

No, sir.

We've done this before.

We do this all the time.

We have an orgy there.

It feels really good.

We all split the cost together.

We even have a girl.

She's the girl in the middle.

So listen, Matt, we need to get a hold of the guy.

You can try our registration line if you need to get a real corporate registration.

Thank you.

Have a good day.

Masturbation.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

I've never seen security run off the line like that.

You have a free electrical socket there, sir?

Yeah, security, he's a pretty wussy security man.

I got a plug-in vibrator I need.

I need to plug it in.

He's a milquetoast.

alternating time with gear settings yeah all right so yeah i'm thinking about moving into

saturday uh to get some fresh meat because we don't usually do the saturday vtr

ken you know what if you're gonna do it on saturday you got to do those psychics again

remember well you see if i do it on saturday i'll just bump it instead of like the gary one

on wednesday was that starts at like 11 30 i'll just start it at 10 o'clock on saturday

See, sometimes Dirty Aaron doesn't go on until, like, 10 p.m. Pacific,

so you could even do that and go on.

And then maybe on some of the weeks, if he doesn't go on,

I've been wanting to do a later show.

Maybe I'll do an after show.

Hey, Saturday.

Hey, that's good, good.

Hey, listen, I've got to take a break real quick.

I'm up against a hard break.

We've got to go over it.

Oh, fucking hard break.

go ahead and identify

themselves but

when we come back we have more of those numbers

from Big Ken we also

got a few more that came in from

I forget the guy's name

and some wankers

yeah we can do some

we're going to have a good old

motherfucking time

hey Romano make me one of those nacho

sandwiches while you're back

sure man nacho cheese

you want some cayenne pepper on it

All right, guys, don't go anywhere.

I'll be right back.

Thank you.

Give me a few minutes.

Toll free at 1-888-278-8509.

You know what?

I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trap door at the bottom.

So when you die, you open that trap door at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

I'm going to deposit some credit into Milkman's account for the lulz.

The lulz.

That's how we're paid?

We're paid in lulz.

I couldn't believe his ass when he was explaining that.

That was too funny.

Hey, let's do some prank calls.

Yeah, let's call someone.

Hey, shut up.

Can we do some prank calls?

Melissa Engelman.

All right, I'm going from the bottom up.

Someone put these, what, sweeties out on the road today.

I stopped to give them water.

What did she find?

Tell me, Ken, what's going on here?

She's just a Facebooker with a number she put.

She found some kind of animal?

Someone found some dog she found on the side of the road.

Oh, fuck those dogs.

We should just call her and accuse her of stealing our fucking dogs.

Okay, good, good, yeah.

All right, that worked out great.

The next one is

Sashahashi

Sashahashi's car

And it's a Facebook

Motherfucker

Guys remind me to tell you a story

About shusha shusha after this call

Put it on the call

No, I don't want to.

Hi, this is Russ Anderson's voicemail.

Really?

Sorry, I can't take your call right now.

I'll try him again.

Your name is Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh.

Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh.

Oh, Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh.

Ah, Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh.

All right, he ain't gonna pick.

Fuck, fuck him.

Hey, Mano.

What?

Have you heard from Ted W-W-Wab?

Is he still around these days?

What do you do?

yeah see um someday if sometimes if i do a show during the day um he pops in and says hi

yeah yeah i mean he's working on stuff and he's doing his pie he's still running the blue pranks

isn't he yep blue blue planet blue planet yeah yeah it's a showcast station it's also on tune

in radio everybody we are also on tune in radio but i'm still trying to work it out i'm in the

a dialogue now with someone with their technical support to get madhouse radio changed to prank

call nation on there to end the confusion it's the last thing that's still a holdover from

legacy the legacy network and um i don't know they said it was going to be fixed in 24 hours

that was 72 hours ago that was going to be updated so here i am you know right i actually

talked with some of their people that work there dude they're very knowledgeable but they're

They're almost ineffective at doing any fucking thing, dude.

I literally talked to the people that are in charge of that shit.

Really?

On a customer.

Yeah.

Can you get them to pay attention?

I never fucking heard nothing change.

They're impossible to get a hold on the phone.

I finally got a hold of one of them on the email.

They're kids.

They are a bunch of college kids.

And what they're trying to do is make tune in to the next Facebook, man, by musically using stream stations.

Have you noticed how it's all going to, like, trending and all that fucking gay shit on there?

Yeah, it has.

You're right.

They're trying to make it into the Facebook, dude.

I've been watching them, and I talk with these people, dude, and they do.

They go right down there by Facebook.

One of their offices is real close down there, and that's exactly what's happening.

Like, they used to be, they had a way that, you know, you could, like, put a preset out.

They don't even have none of that shit no more.

Yeah, I know.

They took that away.

You can't even save a favorites list.

No.

You just got to go and look through this list of bullshit.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

Yeah, it's bullshit.

shit you gotta completely go on social with it and they're destroying a wonderful product man

radio i would rather have my fucking radio time account back if that's the case wow yeah man i

hear you bro that's what's going on so they're trying to make it trendy and you know and get

it popped into the social network trend that's what they're trying to do dude if they're trying

can you help out something great can you help out and get one of them on the phone with me or

something one day like give them my cell phone for real because i really need them to change

If I ever get one in a car, dude, seriously, man, I mean, I could seriously ask them for a phone number.

Tell them that I need Madhouse.

It would have to be more on the legit side, but, I mean, you could actually interview them if you did it legit.

No, I don't have to interview them.

They actually would have to know my real name.

I'll interview them for their product just to educate everybody on it.

Well, okay, you want to hear something funny?

I didn't get a chance to mention this.

I've been dying to tell you.

Guess who I had in my car the other day?

Robert Hamilton.

Rob Hamilton?

Yeah.

You know who he is, right?

No.

no nexus he is king of nexus he runs nexus he's he's my customer man nexus nexus google nexus

he's in charge of google nexus oh that tablets all that shit ah i mean that's there for like

an hour and a half talking about all this shit man all this stuff about the networks everything

man and like it was like great man the guy is like from london huh

okay all right here it got looked at yeah type in man he's named robert hamilton and he's

in charge of nexus man the nexus product as soon as i talked to him dude i was like man i wish i

could have my friend talk to you because i know you're a big old-time nexus fan from ways back

back when hey i had the first android product ever released that's what i'm talking about and

him and i sat there and talked shop for i don't know how long and i didn't even know who he was

i talked to him about everything energy you know everything before at least probably like 30 or 40

minutes before i even asked him who he was he handed around what he did but he never said right

it was so knowledgeable we kept on talking and talking and finally i said so what what's your

your line you know what industry you know he said oh i work with a mobile company and i immediately

then i knew this guy is definitely way up there i got one of the big shots and yeah and i said oh

well what company said google i said nexus he said oh yeah you know about that i said

i said if my friend was here he'd shit his pants right now

he would die to talk to you man yeah but it's possible dude i mean if we do it legitly i could

could do that i have to create some information and get an interview out just yeah not not

necessarily that even just tell them hey um i i'm on a internet radio show and it's on a

shoutcast station and it's on tune in radio and they changed the name and he's been trying to

get you guys to update it on your end i get a cheap guy dude again i will man just tell him

yeah we'll try and get something put him on the spot because it's like dude you know how many

years have we been on there we've been in there since before they were tuned in yeah yeah yeah

we were on in there earlier came along later they bought what radio time yeah all right radio time

used to subscribe to radio time that's how i still got my shit still set up through a radio

time account radio time machine remember that one that was cool the way back machine man yeah

mr b body okay hey let's do some prank calls right alvin i'm sorry guys that we're talking

business but we were talking a little shop business there anyway no problem no we do we

do manage this network you know it's very hard this has been always been part of the skit like

some people don't know around like like we've always included everything in their show not only

one trick calls and that's it because if it backfires where do you go yeah you have a little

bit of technology current times food talk you know stoner talk whatever because that's what people

we're all about other things too besides calls you're so that's why the bullshit says mark burn

mark ben has a new number all right text him text him your name is jack here yet did jack make it

no no jack yet right i think he left i don't know i'll try to get along but hey um this guy

hey yeah this is cross you said to contact you about your new facebook number yeah what's your

your problem what are you talking about i'm talking about you mark what's your problem

whatever clunk clunk clunk clunk clunk clunk this right away i was gonna say that he's

girlfriend and i'm pissed off fuck that shit motherfucker hey fuck that shit motherfucker

you sent that to my wife who the fuck are you motherfucker you listening yeah yeah why are you

Why did you send to my wife that you had a new number and to text you?

Why did you send that to her, motherfucker?

What are you doing to my wife, motherfucker?

Are you where she gets all these ideas from?

All right.

Neon, go ahead.

Try something.

Don't act stupid.

Don't act stupid because he already knows.

He already knows.

So just tell him.

Remember?

That's why you had to get the new number?

Are you listening to me, motherfucker?

I'm going to call you motherfucker from now on.

So listen up, motherfucker.

Alright, good.

I was retarded.

Fuck that guy.

I got a question.

Aramano, whenever you do the devil voice,

have we experimented to see what it sounds like with Neon,

like a female voice during the time you got the devil scrambler on?

Go ahead, Neon.

Neon, go ahead. Do it. Talk.

Hey, milkman.

What's up, dude?

i hear her but no scramble yeah yeah well it goes out over the air oh that was my devil voice i'm

sorry oh okay oh okay thanks okay now i'm convinced i forgot we can i forgot we can

request white devil hey motherfucker yeah you need to do more like like grunting yeah see i

just didn't hear your voice and it sounded really funny turn it on for me real quick

I have to say something.

Okay, do it.

You're such a cocksucker.

God, Milkman, you're like the mega bullfrog.

You're like the very end of a pipe organ.

All the way on the end.

Speaking of pipes, dude, I got a big ass one.

I'm about ready to lift up right now, man.

That's exactly what I'm doing.

Oh, my God.

God, that's so scary.

It's almost Halloween.

Oh, your birthday?

Is that your excuse?

I hope I was born on Halloween.

What's up with that?

No way.

Hey, I got that scary duo.

You two make a great pair.

Great little couple.

What's your date?

9-11.

Ooh, cool.

Hey, you two, yeah, should totally hook up, conceive, and have like a really devil.

Make some serious scary babies.

There you go, man.

The Antichrist.

You could probably make the Antichrist if you did it.

What would be the best third date?

Recollector in every window, man.

Bring your own candles.

You'd have to shoot for the birth to be on whatever, some other date just like that.

What is there, 9-11?

On Jesus' birthday, and then they could procreate the fucking Antichrist.

I do have family members that have Christmas.

On Good Friday?

On Good Friday, I guess.

Yeah, but that Good Friday changes, though.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, you need to have a static day.

Oh, I don't know.

Well, happy fucking early birthday to Jamestown, whose birthday is on Tuesday, motherfucker.

If we could go back to 2006, we could have done this

on 666. We could do the

autumnal equinox.

The what?

Pagan talk. Autumnal equinox.

Pagan talk.

Uh-oh.

It's getting scary.

We need white devil

to balance it.

The devil in the house.

Okay. Hey, can I talk to

the next bitch, Megan, with the white devil?

Yeah, yeah. Is that going

going up right megan megan megan holding her cock or something oh speaking of holder attorney

general attorney general yeah i'm just tired dude who's gonna take over i watched his retirement

while you guys were laughing her up maybe we can get a nice progressive person to take over

who'll stop this whole maybe that's what's going on in the background maybe that's obama like that

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Moving over chest pieces because the game is chest, not checkers.

Oh, he's been down with the gay, too.

He's completely down with it.

Hey, Megan.

Hi.

Hey, what are you doing?

I'm laying in bed.

Yeah?

Ooh.

Wow.

Your mother sucks cocks in hell.

Who is this?

This is the white devil.

What?

This is the white devil.

How are you?

Oh, I forgot.

Yeah, white devil here.

How you doing, bitch?

I'm totally fine.

Oh, my God.

You were just talking normally.

She's like, you ain't no white devil.

I'll try her again.

You ain't no white devil.

I'll try her again.

That was funny.

What?

Hey, Megan.

This is the fucking white devil calling.

How you doing, bitch?

Mother sucks cocks in hell.

I think you're in bed.

You want to get in bed with me?

Oh, that's Mrs. White Devil.

This is the white mistress.

She has dildos.

That's what he says, sweet tits.

She has dildos.

I'm going to slide right in there.

She has...

Mrs. White Devil.

She has dildos made out of unicorn horns.

hmm so if you're a virgin you won't be for wrong oh you're jack oh shit hi i'm uh being held

captive by these demons and devils you can't rape the willing help me please oh spanky please i'm in

a place that's very dark and it smells like sulfur we were hunting for a virgin but you know

we'll take a butt virgin instead

oh i'm turning i'm turning i'm turning

she was giggling in the background they're having a good old time they're like

slapping their thighs

I was like,

I ain't playing their banjos and shit over there.

Spitting on the ground.

I just read the dueling banjos in the background.

Fucking running the spoon across the old washboard

or whatever the fuck that was.

I always wanted to be the jug player.

I never got to,

but if I could have joined one of them things,

I would have been the jug like,

You just want to blow on the jugs?

you can hyperventilate yourself

and get real fucked up

yeah

hyperventilate yourself get fucked up

auto erotic asphyxiation

oh yeah

pass out before the end of the song

and winamp crashed

winamp winamp

oh winamp

hey has winamp got any support yet

or are they still off the air man

they're kind of supporting it

They're working on some kind of really big new release.

Well, like Llama or whatever, basically just not doing anything.

I thought they were being sold out.

It's a company called Radionomy out of France that took over.

They own Winamp, and they own the rights to the Shellcast protocol,

the main Shellcast directory, stuff like that.

It's on them.

And they already have a site that offers free Shellcast hosting for like 30 days.

and if you get enough listeners, it stays free as long as you have a certain number of listeners.

Yeah, I signed us up for it, but I never really programmed it.

Me and Brad were kind of checking it out.

We were like, eh, I don't know, it looks like a lot of work.

So at least we have an account for PCN on there.

It's an open market, and if it's something you can get on the ground of, what the hell, dude?

Because when it's still, I mean, like you said, they've got the rights to the streams.

dreams yeah well let me ask let me ask baz and candace and neon maybe you know um how do we do

in terms of number of listeners compared to like the other shows on mixer because when i look we

seem to have like when we have a live show we're usually like we're pretty much always like when

when we see like the popular ones we're always on the top you know what i mean um when i when i

actually bother to go in and and schedule like dwight's wednesday show and giant's friday show

and the science show tonight and all that stuff,

it always gets pushed to the top results

when you just click on the popular.

You know what I mean?

So I'm thinking, how many, like,

I try to listen to the other comedy shows

and there's no real comedy going on.

It's people talking in Spanish.

You know what I'm saying?

Oh, you must be on AM.

I don't know.

I never really browse much on Mixler

other than just coming and listening to the show

and then I usually don't even really look at the page too much.

I'm usually either on Skype or in the chat room.

Could we unionize?

Why don't you guys track the numbers?

Either have somebody, one of your assistants, track the numbers

or just make a mental note or a sticker on your desktop

what your numbers count was or peak numbers,

and that will give you an idea of what you can do with it.

It's like Tuesday.

Time slot-wise.

Tuesday, Carlito shot me the stats,

and it was actually more popular than calling Gary on Wednesday.

I had 170 unique listeners and 80 peak listeners, which that's pretty close, actually.

That might be the highest.

That's your highest.

Yeah, 80 is your – you hit 80 for the first time.

Well, even unique listeners at 170, I think that's the highest there also.

Yeah, to be honest –

Two or three peak numbers is an important number because even if somebody did happen to still be trying to rip it,

that's only going to be like maybe like less than 5% of all the listeners.

Yeah.

There's only going to be two or three people to even rip it,

so your actual numbers are going to be the unique numbers.

Yeah, well, yeah, unique numbers is people that tuned in or tuned out

at some point during the broadcast.

Peak is the most that we had at one certain amount of time during the broadcast.

So that's what I always look for.

Your IP is what it is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Looking for these new IPs and saying, oh, we've got somebody unique.

Yeah, it does.

Because if you do a stream rip, it'll pop up with another player,

but it won't be unique.

It'll be a duel.

It'll be a clone.

yeah but it does allow clones yeah jayad show gets the most it's usually about 171 80 now he's

starting to get uh peak um i don't know what i had i think i hit 60s and 70s when i well i hit

like yeah let's give you an idea 60s or 70s when i do like these shows at no regular time

numbers and time yeah yeah i mean the other stat is good to know that you see how many people

People listen to it and are like, ah, fuck this, and tune down.

And if you compare the two numbers together, you get kind of an idea of that.

So there you go.

Too bad it didn't give you, like, an average.

They come in pretty effectively, pretty fair.

I say unique is a good idea, because if it's consistently 136 or whatever,

you know, a lot of those are returns.

They're not going to just tune in, tune out, and then come back next week, tune in, tune out.

It's a pretty reliable number, really.

i know my shows i stay above 130 on a consistent week-to-week basis yeah yeah i'm at 121 right now

it's probably a fair number it's see you're seeing pretty well it's close it's very close to actual

okay you should track it yep we'll start doing that well i can i got the data i got the emails

coming in i can just find a way to too bad you couldn't like just go to a cell spreadsheet and

have like sample at any one time like go pull each day like every like three hours or every

two hours with the listener count is yeah all right look you know we were talking bad to the

dad about not doing prank calls on his shows and here we are you know and that's not right

so we need to do stuff because that's not fair to say that about him you know and then come here

and do that all right so we're not allowed to only do prank calls we do talk yeah

is this young young park yeah yeah you want it sure i got sesame seeds in my teeth

what's up young young what's going on hello english motherfucker oh yeah i think motherfucker

i don't know okay looking at his page i gotta hit the c translation button

for a bunch of clicks and whistles we need to hang around the office

a bunch of pans down the hallway he's in korea town he did type out six hey are you in korea town

what's up are you in korea hi yeah i'm fucking korea who is this fuck you you stupid you little

fucking water shit what are you speaking what the fuck man why you call me how how can you know

my number. Motherfucker, I'm friends

with the Yakuza. Fuck you.

Who is that? Yakuza said to call

you, motherfucker. Who is...

This is the dragon. Oh, you're

a dragon? Like, legend

fucking, like, animal shit.

Right? No, I am... Double dragon. Yeah,

I'm the main dragon machine. Fuck you, then.

Fuck your mother.

Whoa!

All of a sudden, the motherfucker starts speaking

English, that cocksucker.

Fuck you, then. Motherfucker starts speaking in tongues

I'll give you that save that number

and that's a good one

I posted something

on the bottom of the skype chat

fucker motherfucker hello

oh shit

I can't whistle loud

and I can't be yelling loud either

because I have my window open to make it cool

and I have my

like the dead man screaming at the monitor and like the neighbor's like what the hell's going

on over there you remember kdk had some kind of asian uh downstairs neighbor and when he was doing

shows he would um he would hit the roof he would hit the ceiling with the broom because and he

called the cops a few times i remember but i remember kdk said once that he went he got home

and he he was watching a movie on headphones the entire time and the cop showed up and he'd even

hear because he had him so loud but in his headphones he never played him out i remember

he's uh and the cop was like yeah your neighbor's saying is it in your neighbor's saying you're

making noise again they're like look i've been here on my headphones this is what i'm listening

i'm listening to you can hear it right now if you want it was stupid he probably was having sex

really loud with you know keith or some other some troll looking guy you know in the gay

community they call trolls the old men that are cruising stuff like that didn't you didn't

somebody call you like oh there's a black people called you an ogre looking motherfucker

something like that yeah yeah ogre motherfucker something like that yeah what the fuck is this

so angry black people they're uh btr show the btr show btr shit with dwight every wednesday night

Not anymore

Fresh meat

On 98.6 The Mouth

The Mouth

Yeah

You have reached the Voight mailbox

For 98.6 The Mouth

98.6 The Mouth

Got that number

I remember when we came up with that idea

98.6 The Mouth

Man, people were tripping, man

I was still on the island, dude

There were people trying to get to that website

That whole show

98.6 The Mouth

that we kept saying it over and over make it obscuring it you know every time it was a little

different every time people were trying they were like oh 98.6 or 98 pt or point

they were like is it dumb mouth like da mouth like we can't fucking yeah i kept telling people

i was like dude i remember when i used to call in a carlito show and you had to call in on your

fucking cell phone yeah man remember i had the toll-free line i was like i used to call in

and like i was like this before like he started having me on shit i'd always call him like

what are you doing motherfucker just do a stupid shit like you're like okay you need this fucking

angle all right see you later you're the one little bastard we had the 800 number too man

and then we had some people that would try and abuse it we let remember that we had let let people

People had an 800 number originally.

It was how cool it was.

It was AAA.

Yeah, man, come on, join the show.

Just call in.

888-278-8509.

I still remember it because I used to give it out like 20, 30, 40 times a show sometimes.

Oh, shit.

Yeah.

You know, let's call it.

Let's see what it does now.

I heard it went to some black lady.

Yeah, it's not even in service anymore.

It was going to a black lady.

Somebody was bothering her.

They might have taken it out of the pool because I think they were getting harassed a lot.

But, yeah, that toll-free line was cool because all I had to do was go online and just switch it off

or, like, block people real quick.

Those were the days.

What about, too, we had PhoneBridge, some kind of PhoneBridge setup.

Who was that we hooked up with that had PhoneBridge?

Who was that?

Phone losers, PhoneBridge, a few times.

That was Turd Burglar used to connect us to the PLA PhoneBridge.

That's what it was.

Yeah, one of the guys back in the day I know we got on.

Yep, Turd Burglar would connect us on, yeah.

He sells guns now, like, a lot.

i was gonna say is he what is he doing now you know he went to the service and then after that

you know i kind of lost track he opened a gun store man and he's making bank he's doing really

good he's he wants to start a podcast about guns preparedness yeah yeah moving right along dude i

just wondered no no he's not crazy you know he's he's still a good dude he's a father and all that

shit man listen come on prank calls prank calls come on milkman all right i'm with him right

some wankers do we have wankers it's okay i got your milkman we're cool our brown try brown

i'm gonna go from the top down now for a little bit a brown a brown a brown

can't be taken at the moment wow t and seven whatever the fuck is seven seven seven bt answer

Sir, well, forget that.

D. Brown, also known as Da Brown.

Yes, Mr. Brown.

This is David Snozzwell.

I'm with the Royal Tourism Service.

How are you this morning?

Yes, I'm with the Royal Tourism Service.

And I'm just calling to confirm that the driver will be by at half past nine, sir.

With the Negroes from America, sir.

Violent.

Do you know what time it is?

He's supposed to, you know, lodge them and show them around for a couple of weeks.

Do you know what time it is?

I don't think he knows what time it is.

I'll wait you a penny for your thoughts, sir.

Hello, sir.

He got tired.

He put the phone down.

You got to get down with Brown.

You know what I'm saying?

Get down with the Browns.

The battery died.

Anyway, you got to be down for your Browns.

A couple of Negroes will be there in about an hour.

Negroes.

Oh, American colored men.

Violent ones.

Sir, come on.

Come on.

Talk.

Did you die on the phone?

Chinga.

They're going to be expecting a hot breakfast.

Chinga puto.

Papi culo.

Sir, the American national banana consumers are going to be there.

They're going to be there and they want bananas.

I'm calling Rakesh Patel while we keep this gentleman on the line.

This is a test of a brand new system.

Yay.

All right.

Yay.

Alright. I want to order a naan bread.

We're sorry.

Your call could have been...

Tandoori chicken.

Sir, are you going to say anything to us?

We're sorry.

It's sorry. It says...

Sir, it's okay. Don't be alarmed.

Somebody, do we need to revive you?

Are you in resuscitation right now?

Arrest.

Resuscitation arrest?

Do you need aid? Tap the number one.

Yeah, resuscitation, not arrest.

resuscitation he's in resuscitation right now excuse me oh all right i'm gonna drop okay

all right he might be i think he's past the night for a second

i give up here's a shock patel very vulcan sounding name a shock or maybe it's a shock

actually it's my friend it's a shock that's actually a shock is the way you're saying

that's my friend's name a shock a shocker no i show i show i'll get her the shock

i'll give her a shock oh oh i'll give her a shock oh

oh it was a patient hang on patient patient usually goes to like a flat line personal

assistance not an instrument clear

of striking out here with numbers but before we move on i now remember that there

is a bindi related prank call from howard stirrish but listen it's it was funny and

I want to play a little bit of it because I haven't heard it in ages.

Howard Stern, he's a man of importance.

Well, my turban is dirty.

Down that far.

Yeah.

This is a prank from 2007 called Gilbert, again, Gilbert Godfrey.

My turban is dirty?

No, that's a fake one, Milkman.

I don't know if you knew that, but it's fake.

It was scripted.

Oh, I thought that was a Howard Stern one.

No, it was scripted.

Yeah, but it was scripted.

Listen, Gilbert Godfrey calls a guy named Bendy.

Yay.

Yeah, this is Artie's song.

I've got to play you a tape or something.

This is great.

Rest in peace, Artie.

So the boys isolated Gilbert Gottfried, Stice Gottfried,

and they made a phony phone call to a guy named Bendy.

I guess, you know, there were people named Bendy.

After Steve Irwin's daughter?

I don't know, but this is a great call.

It's a lot of fun.

Here you go.

You want a Bendy on it?

Oh!

What the fuck is this?

Hello?

Bendy, want to swim around my stingray?

Oh!

Well, hello there.

What the fuck is this?

Paul Winchell.

Why, these motherfuckers

trippin' like a motherfucker.

I ain't showin' you.

How's your health

when doing mama?

Hey, did you get

that Paradise Andrew?

I'm not booishin'

on a motherfucker song.

Hello?

Yes.

Who you wanna speak to?

D!

Who you wanna speak to?

Yes.

Yes!

Motherfucker, yes!

Who you wanna speak to?

Who?

Hey!

Oh, yeah.

Oh, take it.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes.

Yeah.

I fucked Desi on his.

Yeah.

Now you're just being silly.

Do I trust you?

Oh, sure.

Oh, yeah, sure, I trust you.

I fucked your mom last night.

Holy mackerel.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Oh, my goodness.

You're an animal.

I want to fuck your big droopy yellow tits.

I'm going to fuck your tits.

No, I can't even get a hard on.

You can't get on hard.

No.

When you got a pussy, you don't get on hard.

Are you gay?

Yes.

You are gay?

I have sex with the pigs.

You have sex with pigs?

yes you fucking asshole

isn't that amazing

I'm shocked at this call

I'm shocked at Gilbert's behavior

isn't that great

putting all that together

don't miss on Howard TV a great show that just came

fuck it alright now I'm back

thank you

yes

he is

yes he is

that's right

I thought it was just a parrot

You kind of messed up the Geico thing, right? It was a Geico the half-life half-life. Yeah up around like you're no invisible horsey

What about the mob ride the mob

Gangdom style fucking something just doing the horse dance. How are you not gonna ride a mop dude? Seriously?

No, you kind of fraught with the mob, you know, you're like rubbing it back and forth against it. Yeah, that's some good action right there

mop around and then clean too yeah like on the glands penis you know that part yeah

i just like i just like take them and i'm like brushing up against the wall and

clean it clean it okay yeah oh my god okay man you uh win the prize

all right viv vichal but uh he owes your money yeah money to our youth we need one of these

These fuckers, they're called bullies.

They're called bullies.

Michelle, you there?

Yeah, you owe me money, motherfucker.

Now, don't play the hello, hello, hello bullshit with me.

You there, Patel?

I think you have the wrong number, buddy.

No, no, you're Patel, right, motherfucker?

Oh, he is Patel, and he knows who it is.

Hey, I gotta hang up.

I got an echo.

Oh, yeah, that's my fault.

I'm sorry.

That's probably my fault.

No, don't hang up.

Yeah, I'm back.

Is there something?

No, the echo's gone.

Hey, I told you it was my fault.

It was my fault.

hey here's a bug

hotel

this is the same one right

there's one down here

it's spelled V-I-N-U-B-H-A-I

Patel

what is that

but in the meantime I think this is the same

Patel

that's why I put it in there

yes

alright

take a bath it's yours

you're Mr. Bigby

nope no no take it sorry i'm telling you that machine is still sexually harassing me hello

hello okay where did we where did i start off do you remember where should i pick up we've been

actually going from the top to the bottom to the middle and back it's my fault dude i'm sorry i'm

bad sounds like my kind of night tom patel wake your dog down and talk to deepak patel

All right, I'm going to copy-paste what I know I haven't called.

Let's see.

I know I didn't call M.

How do you pronounce this one?

A-N-I-L-P-O-T-A-L.

Anil.

Anil Potato.

There's Ashish.

Ashish.

Did I call Ashish already?

I think I did, right?

Yeah.

That's good enough.

Let me open a copy-paste.

Let me open a notepad.

I'll do better with that.

Pushpa Potato.

Pushpa.

see push pie remember from the other night

the last one green bean fucking posted was some old grandma in their fucking 80s

oh for real why do you click the links bro you gotta watch out dude yeah

you gotta be careful you gotta you gotta watch yeah definitely our chat is not safe for work

um oh i've learned that the hard way yeah don't click on links if you're i mean you can chat in

there but definitely don't click on the links and if ever you probably don't want one of those

irc clients if you do your own that uh creepy and the links fucked up george you you're a sick

motherfucker store saying now oh well don't you post another link and i go and check it out and

some dude like some fucking like net stockings and this guy's dick fucking tucked up and shit

dad don't click on the link that says we're just having this conversation

Get your own chatterbait.

Ken, get your own chatterbait.

How many penises do you have on your computer now?

You're clicking on that one.

Hello?

How many fingers?

How many fingers, ma'am?

I don't even know who I called.

I don't even know who it was.

Penis!

So we just went to our fingers.

Alright, Jay Patel.

I don't want to.

One time I clicked the link and it was this lady

with these really, really, really, really

gross titties, and she was so

fucking old and skinny, and

I was so, like, gross

out, and I think it was George that sent it.

Yeah, I'm reposting it.

Sounds about right.

You guys are in IRC, be careful about

clicking links, man, because when you click

directly, you could be executing some

script on the other end, so maybe

you copy that link first.

Don't ever open it from the IRC, man.

Copy the link.

Perverts in there. Yes, sir.

Jay Patel

Whoever wants it

Y'all for Patel

Dr. Drunk

Damn it

Why?

You have reached the offices of Nicky Investments

Kiss my ass

Kiss my pussy

Nisha Patel

Kiss my pussy

Oh yeah he's dropping

It'll come back

Let me get Unk on

I think he's back

Is Unk up?

Is he in IRC?

Yeah, I think he's on Skype.

Milkman, you back?

I'm back.

Oh, you're hissy.

You're hissy and you have, well, you had an echo.

It's gone now.

I think you're okay now.

Yeah, I lost signal for a minute.

Okay, no problem.

No problem, buddy.

Let's keep doing calls.

Hey, Unk, how you doing, Dr. Unk?

Hey, what's up?

I'm good.

Good.

How are you guys?

Doing good.

Just kicking back.

Doing the Madhouse show.

Good.

Yeah, it's awesome, man.

All right.

Tom Patel.

Ken, you still want to do one?

Why?

Tom Patel.

Yeah.

Moving on to Christy Suki.

Suki.

Yeah.

Yeah, she's at a hotel.

I know you have.

Let's get the fuck a beach.

What a sucky.

Good luck.

I hope we get her in the line.

That'll be fun.

To the Riviera Hotel and Casino.

If you know the department extension you are calling,

call the extension now.

We're completed.

I'll transfer you now.

The hotel's really, really cheap.

Yeah.

Operator?

Riviera, may I help you?

Yeah, how you doing?

I need to be transferred to my sister's room.

What is your name?

The last name is Suki, S-U-K-I.

Hello, are you there?

I'm checking.

I don't show anything under S-U-K-I.

Yeah, she's there.

First name is Christy.

You still don't find nothing?

I'm checking another way.

One moment, please.

Hurry up. Hurry the fuck up.

I don't have a register.

Oh, are you searching on a computer machine?

Oh, fucking...

Do you have it under C-A-C-A?

Yeah, excuse me, ma'am.

Are you searching on a computer machine?

I'm searching on a computer.

On a computer? Well, that's the problem

because women don't know how to run computers.

Can I speak to a man?

I'll give you my manager one moment.

I hope it's a man.

Maybe just clean the break room.

I can't believe she transferred me.

She should just be

Stick to cleaning the break room

Making the coffee

The free coffee in the lobby

Yeah

Do the phone calls for the men

Yeah

Damn right

Sure sure

Except Neon

Neon's cool

Yeah

Except Neon of course

Yeah

Neon's here and she's laughing about it

So we can say

I'm touching my titties at the moment

Honk honk

Ooh

Oh yeah

I'm getting sleepy

It's the only way it lulls me to sleep

Must be another woman

This is bullshit

Sleeping on the job

Oh my god

Let me just call back.

You know that option.

What option are you using?

Zero.

Oh, okay.

Oh, imagine that.

Option zero?

Welcome to the Riviera Hotel and Casino.

I'll transfer you now.

Showtime.

It's 7 p.m. nightly in the LaVita.

For tickets, please stay on the line for a hotel operator.

I'm calling Riviera.

This is Kathy.

I'm going to make a call.

Yeah, how are you doing?

I had a woman on the line, and she's a dumb motherfucker.

Transfer me to a manager.

George Carlin.

Bill Rivers.

And Frank Sinatra.

They've all played the riff.

And today we still pride ourselves in giving.

Yeah, well, no, I was asking for the manager.

I wasn't asking for security.

She fucked up again.

What's up, sir?

I wanted to talk to a man because this woman, I'm trying to get sent to my sister's room,

and she keeps looking on the computer, and she can't find nothing.

And we all know that, you know, women can't work the computers.

So I asked to speak to a man, and she was going to send me to the manager.

it and you know she fucked up and she sent me to you over to security i don't i don't know what a

problem is but she should be written up person at the front desk you're talking to i don't know

she said as a manager no it's some woman she fucked up she can't look up shit on a computer

because she's like mentally incapacitated she said she was going to transfer to a manager and

i ended up with security i don't know what the fuck is going on i'm trying to get transferred

to my sister's room and i'm fucking security isn't gonna do it i want the manager oh you're

You're trying to get trans...

Okay.

So what's...

I'm trying to get to the manager

because, to tell you the truth, sir,

you sound a little effeminate

and, like, when you take a piss,

it sounds like a woman's doing it.

So transfer me to a real man.

Oh, my.

We lost the signal.

Tell her this time, manager.

We were saying manager, not...

Honey.

Welcome to...

I'll transfer you now.

Radiara Radios.

More great music.

Yeah, I need the manager.

You sent me to security last time.

One moment.

Yeah.

tickets please stay up jerk off in the corner while you're looking at ladies oh it's a theater

never mind fucking ruined forever right that's bad luck it was this fucking cheap ass hotel too

all right i'm done did they get water damage on the cake and stuff no there was no fire or

anything that was just how ghetto the hotel was yeah it just kept on going i think it went off

like three or four times i told my cousin you should know if the alarm's going off during

Your wedding's idea ended up getting divorced later, but...

Oh, oh, oh.

You're the sign of things to come.

Yeah, God was trying to tell you something.

Hey, 24-hour fitness.

Fuck yeah, I love these shits, man.

Yeah.

Come on, let's try to get them to unplug.

Let's try to get them to cycle their power, their breakers, while people are on their

turnmails.

Unc, you're believable.

Come on, Unc.

Can you try that?

Yeah, I mean, I can do it.

I can do it.

Telling you we're corporate and that we do the breakfast.

Thank you for calling 24-Hour Fitness.

With state-of-the-art equipment, certified personal trainers,

and more than 400 clubs open up to 24 hours,

we're committed to helping you meet your goals on your time.

If you know your party's extension, you may dial it now.

For new membership information, press 1.

For club address and directions, press 2.

For the club operating hours, press 3.

For kids club hours, press 4.

For group exercise information, press 5.

For member services, press 6.

To repeat these options, thank you for calling 24-Hour Fitness.

With state-of-the-art equipment, certified personal trainers, and more than 400 clubs open,

thank you for calling 24-Hour Fitness.

Yay!

We need to find the truth.

During the nighttime, they have it open, but they don't have anybody to answer the phone.

That has to happen during the daytime.

Oh, yeah?

Is that where you go to go take a shower?

Dude, I tried to get in there, and they want $85 a fucking month.

because you're in la dude that's yeah i'm in the bay area dude but oh yeah you got gotta like get

in through some kind of like one of their discount points unless you want to waste money to say

oh i'm 24 hour fitness i can find anything better than 85 dollars a month you must be trying to get

into one of those sport clubs yeah i mean you can probably get

their regular clubs are not that bad that sounds like you're trying to get into one of the the

sport ones those are expensive yeah like la fitness or you know you're not confusing no

it's like 20 they have 24 hour fitness they have the sport and like sport plus clothes where it's

It's, like, basically they have, like, juice bars and, like, a ton of extra shit that's in there and, like, towel service.

I wouldn't go in there, and it sounds probably about right because this one was in Berkeley, so I wouldn't be surprised.

That's probably why it was too expensive because I sold them to the fuck themselves.

I ain't paying $85,000.

Yeah, because it used to be, like, $25 a month or something like that.

Yeah, I thought 24-hour fitness was pretty cheap.

That and planet fitness are pretty cheap.

Yeah.

I think Gold's is pretty cheap now, too, anyway.

I'm fine on Gold's.

You have Bally's Fitness.

That should be too bad.

I never hear about Bally's anymore.

It may be just expensive because it's here.

That's probably the problem.

Yeah, they close all the Bally's.

You guys probably get regular prices.

I'm telling you, I...

Fucker, is it?

...knock off a piece of fuck.

They say $125, man.

And I'm like, what is this?

It looks like somebody's garage.

I'm like, uh-uh.

Look, I know I said L.A. and I meant San Francisco, but yeah.

I said that.

What do I have to...

I'm sorry.

Shake says that Gold's is open.

I think he'd know.

Yeah, but he never came back, Dwight.

He sent this like two hours ago.

I know, and he said, I want to be up on that call.

He was all messaging me.

He was like, can you ask him to call?

I want to hang out in there.

I want to do this.

I'm like, okay.

And then he left.

Where did he go?

I didn't know what he said.

Two hours ago, he messaged me that.

I need you to call this whore.

Yeah, because we don't have any more information.

Whore.

You can't do it.

Whore.

All right.

Dr. Scott, Buffalo Wild Wings.

What's his name?

I don't know.

The owner of the Buffalo Wild Wings?

Or he's at Buffalo Wild Wings?

Let's see, this is a check-in.

He's at Buffalo Wild Wings.

I'm sorry, I was a stupid me.

Do you guys have those out there where you are?

Yeah, yeah, we do.

Should I talk to Dr. Scott?

Yeah.

Thanks for calling Buffalo Wild Wings in the city of Torrance,

home of the NFL Network.

This is Tully.

How may I help you?

Hi, my name is Mark Jeffries.

I'm calling from Buffalo Wild Wings Corporate.

We have a certain promotion going on with Twitter,

and I need you to ask if anyone at Buffalo Wild Wings runs by the handle Dr. Scott

because we have a promotion we're going to be giving him.

So we do it as a social media thing, if at all possible.

I know, I mean, if you're too busy, it's okay.

We can just bring it to the next Buffalo Wild Wings.

But, I mean, it would be some good PR for your branch.

Oh, okay, cool. That's awesome.

Did you want to speak with a manager about this?

Yeah, I mean, I guess.

But, I mean, I could just speak to Dr. Scott.

We're just going to send him out, you know, some free coupons, you know, some free meals and stuff.

Wait, you said Dr. Scott?

Yes, it's Dr. Scott, but the S is a dollar sign.

I wish I had, like, a proper name on it, you know, so it wouldn't be so ambiguous.

Hello?

Hello, can you hear me?

Hello?

Hello, yes, hello.

Okay.

There's a Buffalo Wild Wings, I think, from Northridge on the line,

and they were talking about they're doing a promotion on Twitter

and they wanted to see if we wanted to, like, take part in it

and it would have to do with, like, coupons.

And then they were talking about Dr. Scott, someone named Dr. Scott,

but I don't know who that is, and the phone just cut out.

Oh, hello, hello, right here, hello.

What the hell?

What the fuck was that?

She was kind of stupid, too.

What was that bullshit?

I think she was lying.

She just wanted to get off the phone.

She was lying like a motherfucker.

None of that was ever said.

Yeah, I didn't say that at all, bitch.

You're asking about Dr. Scott?

Scotty, he's always in here.

Well, of course you don't know who it is.

He's a goddamn customer.

Fucking know everyone, or their Twitter handles.

Goddamn.

Mistress Morgan in the IRC says, bitch.

Bitch.

Just talking to you, Dwight.

Oh, snap.

Well, that call isn't going through.

That call isn't going through, rather.

I don't know what happened.

We got some goals.

Do the ones like in Venice, because there's a lot of homeless people there.

You ask, you take showers.

All right, I'll do the Venice one.

I'll snipe it.

Venice, Venice Beach.

So they like being in Venice Beach.

Hippies and stuff.

Yeah.

A lot of YouTubers that do prank videos do it out of Venice Beach, I've noticed.

Can we ask what their policy is at Gold's Gym about dropping acid and working out?

Because it's the only way that I can really get my exercise on.

by taking a whole lot of liquid

and just fucking running as hard as I can.

Yeah.

I haven't got...

Yeah, you can.

You can.

Give me a second.

Let me reset the call thing here that I use.

Okay.

Because no calls are going now.

Give me a second.

Stand by, please.

Yes, sir.

You got it.

Go for it, buddy.

Dan, how may I help you?

Hey, Dan.

How you doing?

Good.

Yeah, I was thinking about getting a Gold's Gym membership,

but I have a couple questions.

What's your policy about, like, you know,

know take an acid before coming in like i won't freak out it's just like the only way i can work

out is by taking a bunch of acid just running as fast as i can you know your question to me is can

you do acid before you go to the gym hell yeah man i'll just just drop a whole bunch of acid and

i'll just well my answer to you is uh you can do whatever you want oh yeah it's melting melting

morphin time yeah hey so i can help you with yeah no um i was i was looking to see what your rates

That I don't know if you call back tomorrow

From like 8am to 9pm

There should be someone at the sales desk

And then another question

Do you know where I can get some like

Steroids man I really need to lose some weight

Fast you know

I don't man sorry

Alright well do you need any acid

Because I can totally hook you up with that man

I'm totally good

I'm seriously watching these walls melt right now

Have a great night

Fucking great dude

Yeah have a great night

how does he not know the fucking rates yeah what kind of asshole is that

because i'm a fucking moron don't know the rates

i'll suck your dick for half a price

he's just about to matter of fact call him call him back

yes sir

are you sorry he's good all right they didn't answer as you could hear

um so let's see are we done 146 i think maybe we are done close

music

well no no we got tons of goals james hang on we gotta get some goals i really want to see

Hug, you don't mind trying this?

Oh, no, totally.

I'll definitely give it a shot.

Because I think you can get away with it.

I suck at that.

I was like, tee-hee, ha-ha-hee.

Well, I'll take a stab.

Excellent.

Where's my answer?

Next.

This is Mike speaking.

How can I help you?

Hey, Mike.

This is Peter Jeffries.

I'm calling from Gold's Corporate.

I'm showing all kinds of weird electrical stuff on your grid.

Can you check the breakers, see if any of them have been switched off?

Where did you want me to check again?

Do you know where the circuit breakers are?

No, I have no idea where they are.

Let's see if my housekeeping guy knows.

Okay, they'll probably be in the back area.

Okay, what did you want me exactly to do?

I just want to see if there are any breakers that have been inadvertently flipped.

I'm just showing all kinds of weird electrical stuff.

So we might need you to cycle a few of them,

but, I mean, it won't be anything that'll be too difficult.

It'll just be a quick two-second flick off and then on just to get the reset.

Let me double check.

Let me see what my housekeeper, if they know where that is.

Okay, thank you.

Let me touch on the phone for one second, okay?

Okay, thank you.

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Yeah, let's share.

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and know your own strengths.

Sweet or salty?

Crunchy or creamy?

Salty.

Talking dirty.

Definitely salty.

She loves salty.

Yeah, 1,600 calories.

Who is she?

Musky.

And mini chocolate cream puffs.

Mini chocolate cream puffs.

I talked to Danchy.

He's putting the Colorific on its own server so it's more reliable.

Yes.

Nice.

He said it's because of shitty internet.

He said he's putting it on a 100 megabit per second server.

Nice.

He said the audio quality will also be better.

so are you controlling it or is he

I have to have him

every time

it's some fucking wizard stuff

he's gotta add it into the

conference

because the guan adult

child is no longer answering

yes I'm sorry

hello

do you know where that exactly

would it be

you said you need the electrical

yeah it would be like a big gray box

um it's it depends on on the structure of the gym i'm not sure on how yours is i don't have the

plans here but it should be in like um office area or somewhere i don't know somewhere near

uh let's see like the uh main offices i'm really not sure it depends it really depends it would be

somewhere um away from like the main workout area it's it's genuinely not uh where people can get to

it because it you know can be risky um let me see where would it most likely be your location

like is there like a an office area or like a pined area i know a few of our gold's gyms

in my region have kind of like their own separate area you know where they put the

cleaning supplies you know like a utility closet is it electrical switches or yeah it would be in

in a big gray box they won't be like readily like available they'll be in a big gray box which you

can open up the service panel the storage area okay you know yeah i think i think i see it's

right there by the my housekeeper uh just found it oh okay cool cool yep all right so yeah i'm

showing all kinds of uh weird electrical things so um what we're gonna do is i'm going to take

you through uh the breaker panel so if you open it up um you should see like a whole series of

breakers just like a regular you know breaker panel but what you're going to do is um you're

going to um go down the line but you're going to flip every other one and and then that'll go off

and then once you're done with that column you will flip them back on and then you'll take the

one right below that you know alternating back because the electrical grid will hold on to that

charge you know it's a it's a fail safe so that there won't lose power but that'll give us the

reset so that we'll be able to get

the gym equipment

won't shut off. It's on that

separate relay.

There's two different

panels, I think.

There's the first one and

the second one. There's two different doors

or two different boxes.

Let's see. Can you

open both of them?

I'm actually far away from

the box, so it's kind of hard for me to tell.

Oh, okay.

I can definitely hold if you

you just want to go like through box one and what you'll do is you'll,

you'll take the very top one,

right.

And there'll be like a bank of it where they'll all be kind of in series.

Um,

there should be like a top,

top one,

you know,

that's like,

doesn't have one under it.

Don't touch that one.

That'll,

that'll turn off all of them.

You can't do that one,

but you'll take it in series.

So it'll be like one and then the one right after.

So it'll be every other one and you'll flip those in.

And,

and then once you reach the bottom of it,

um,

you flip those back, and then you flip the ones you didn't flip the second time.

And then once that's done, you flip them back.

Let me go over there and check it out,

because I kind of can't visualize what you're trying to say.

Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, definitely check it out.

Let me put the one down real quick and take a look at it.

Okay, yeah, for sure. Don't worry about it.

You need to go over there and hit the switches for the bitches.

I'm going to try to call again.

I'm impatient like this.

Plus, we've been waiting for a long time.

I had to pay medicine, so...

Oh, it's reading the song.

Oh, weird.

Maybe they turn phones off or something.

Maybe.

It didn't even go to their menu or nothing.

What was your name again?

Oh, yeah, it's Peter Jeffries.

I'm sorry?

Peter Jeffries?

Yes, Peter Jeffries.

Okay.

I'm actually talking to my supervisor right now.

She wants to know what's going on.

Well, it's a, there's all kinds of weird electrical systems indications coming in at the main office.

We do a nightly audit to see that everything is running appropriately and that the amperes are, you know, being taken care of.

But we are seeing a ton of activity, a ton of activity on that.

And normally we do nightly audits.

We're checking for glitches, but we're showing a ton of electrical activity.

And we just want to make sure that nobody, like, nobody has the potential to get hurt or the machines aren't getting damaged by it.

It's just a safety hazard.

I mean, it's a safety concern.

we don't want to like we don't want to have like osha and getting like that you know if we can at

all i mean life are working

Calls (28, 1 h 13 min of 2 h 40 min)

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