We’re Not Compatible

Try to imagine you're sitting at your desk getting ready for a good wank.

You pull up your favorite porn pervier site and you're ready to go for a ride.

Your neocortex recognizes that you are, in fact, masturbating to an image on a computer screen,

not an actual living woman right in front of you.

Yet you still get an erection and you still feel the need to release.

This is because your reptilian and emotional brain does not have the ability to recognize

that a screen is a screen and not an actual girl.

but it is smart enough to notice the woman her tits and her pussy this is all you need to get

going you little monkey you're listening to the madhouse radio prank cast

oh boy have anything packed or planned in the light suit package i just kind of put it all

all together finger finger finger black superman okay let's do some prank calls i am carlito that

is milkman my co-host for the last nine plus years and we do a prank call show called madhouse

live madhouse radio no one knows what it's really called something like that it's madhouse but i'm

here if you're in the irc chat room you can send me your request you can send me your request

milkman calm down let's call lows huh why not let's call party city let's get warmed up nice

throwaway prank call i always treat them as throwaways sometimes they're actually good

usually it's just me warming my mojo was uh we're moving into it quick tonight with party city next

to the blows that i always harass on sundays in hawaii black soup for men no soaps yeah hi do you

you have uh the halloween costume would you like me to connect you to our costume shop oh is there

a man over there like tailoring and stuff or what is it just are they do they come in bags

just a second all right asshole oh there's a crackle you hear that crackle milkman on the

phone wow dude somebody's cooking bacon man yeah oh go for some bacon he'll probably kill me

totally i'm like

like oh thanks dude i used to get this fresh man we used to grow our own tomato and lettuce

did you catch your own bacon man no but i got the good stuff i always got that double smoke

what animal is bacon come from thank you well it comes from the uh comes from the bacon hey hey

honey how are you hi how are you honey you good oh good listen do you have black superman no no

Do you have Superman there?

For an adult male.

All right.

But you don't, for an adult white male, but you don't have one for black Superman, a black male?

No.

Oh, okay.

Do you have any costumes for black men, black males?

I think we do.

Like what?

I gotta go check what we have.

Yeah.

What do you have, like, gorilla costumes, or what are you trying to say?

No, but we do have other costumes for, I'm gonna have to put you on hold so I can check, okay?

Oh, you gotta try to speak up too, honey, all right?

Because you're too shy and too quiet, motherfucker.

fucker okay one moment thank you oh the crackling though milkman right oh my god it just gives me

the shit so how you doing milkman yeah that's not me that's not me bro how you doing milkman

no it's not you i know it's her oh i'm doing oh i'm doing good man yeah good i was gonna tell

you ask for the brown hornet man you know on bill cosby show you had instead of the green

hornet they had the brown hornet yeah hey what day is the 31st what day is your birthday

the halloween this year is it on a friday it's on halloween it's a friday right yeah yeah you're

gonna take that day off man uh you know what i don't know dude i mean probably i should you

should what are you gonna do um i think giant has something planned for his show that day you

should be and you should um uh do a pre-show like a birthday show before giant starts or something

you know like in the day we could fuck around if we want to do like a little short little

little something there and sticking in there that'd be kind of funny i mean you know i probably

you know what i can take the day off there you go i'll send you something i'll get you lunch

i'll order it all right if you want yeah don't worry about all that dude if you want to do that

have fun man i'd be fine no i'll order you from turkish kitchen you go pick it up and try it and

see how it tastes that would be awesome if you went to the turkish kitchen and ate and and told

us how it tastes that would be and then by the time i get it you know the the horse and everybody's

then call 20 times got cock sauce all over things dripping and shit oh yeah thank you sir

i would say yeah hi okay so we have the superman costume it doesn't matter what race you are you

can wear that costume whether you're white or black if that was your question yeah but do you

have anything like for black you were going to look for black people stuff yeah i know but i'm

not exactly too sure what you're looking for that's the only thing so i'm kind of but what

I'm looking around at my costumes blindly because all of our costumes are either Marvel

or Transformers.

We have the wrestlers.

We have like scary looking costumes.

We have like a very wide variety of men's costumes.

It's just that all costumes can be worn by either race.

It doesn't really matter.

Oh, did someone tell you to say that or did you figure it out on your own?

No.

Why didn't you know to say that as soon as I asked?

I don't understand.

Because I wasn't sure what you were going at until I was looking at the costume.

It took you that long to figure it out?

Like, that's pretty, you're pretty ignorant then, right?

Sir, I have to speak to my manager for a second about something else.

Oh, I'm going to hang up there because you're a fucking, you're stupid and your phone sucks.

Okay, that was kind of rude.

You don't need to swear at me.

Yeah, do you know, do you know what labia is?

labia no i'm sorry i'm don't it's the pussy lips down there the okay yeah okay i taught you i taught

you something i taught you something honey no you just didn't say it loud enough and correctly

enough i know exactly what that is thank you very much labia if you're going to call and act like

this and make like this is a joke yeah then we don't need to have that this is a business okay

Do you know what Areola

Do you have Areola

Oh shit

I think she went to check Armando

I think she's checking real quick

Yeah but that connection sucked

I hope they're not all like that

I know it was horrible bacon fried

What did you call the islands or something

Hawaii yeah let's call that same place again

I'm just curious

Hello name is Party City

How can I help you

Yeah how are you

What

what hello yeah what was that what was that noise yeah okay yeah hello yeah is that how you talk in

hawaii huh is that what haole say is that a haole thing i'm not sure you what you guys need help

with something yeah can i talk to the lady that has the labia the lady that has the what labia

the lady labia l-a-b-i-a l-a-b-i-a l-a-b-i-a labia labia who's that oh there was a girl i'm

talking to who has a pair a labia i needed to talk to her she had her bambas on the phone a

couple minutes ago yeah well the connection is a little better but this is really close to the

dull cannery i guess which is basically nothing no okay why not why is it nothing what's dull

old canary in me they don't really do pineapples in hawaii anymore locate that person oh no all

right all right i'm gonna go you guys are boring me we'll see you later all right yeah they're

boring me let's move from the intro song too yeah the pineapples moved out of hawaii they get them

elsewhere now they get them elsewhere china japan not japan they grow them other places i'm not sure

but i um i don't know where i saw it was on a documentary or something there was somebody

was telling me about they don't grow them there anymore man much at all just for tourists aren't

they maybe it's south america i think it's south america okay but a buddy of mine was trying to

start a pineapple plantation down in the islands dude it's pretty rad you gotta like take a what

you call slip it's kind of like a section like after that top part yeah you gotta get that thing

growing and you take that slit and you put it in the ground and every week you put a slit in you

You've got to keep watching that thing, and it takes about two to four years for that thing to go all the way through to a real nice fruit, man.

Oh, dude, it's, like, awesome.

If you taste one, they're, like, melt in your mouth.

I mean, they're unbelievable when they're, like, grown fresh right there.

Yeah.

You cut them out.

Oh, my gosh.

It's just, like, I can't describe how scrumptious they are.

It sounds like it's using clones for, like, weed and stuff.

Just cut the top off of the one you buy in the store, and you can plant that.

You know how good a, you know, a fresh coconut is, right?

You know, right there when it falls off a tree, you know, it's like you've been there.

You've had one of the islands, right?

Yeah, in Puerto Rico, yeah.

I mean, you know, it's a big difference than what you get anywhere else, you know?

I mean, the ones in the States are all dry and like husky.

Flavorless, yeah.

Yeah, they're awful.

They're not, they don't have the taste anymore.

This is the same way.

These pineapples, these are fresh pineapple.

I never tasted that.

That and real cacao.

It's like the cocoa powder

Real bean where they grow it

And grind it

Yeah, my buddy is from St. Lucia, man

And he brought some up

For me

Dominique is another good place

That grows really good cacao

And fresh

I was supposed to go to the island of Dominique

And then they closed the port on us

Because someone had swine flu on the cruise ship

They thought someone did

Someone had swine flu symptoms

Which means they had a cold

Store, press 1.

For store hours, press 2.

To reach a department directly, 5.

Oh, it's 5, it's 5.

It's 5, it's 5.

Shit.

I have a man myself, man.

Yeah, I know that.

Thank you for calling Lowe's.

For information on deliveries, press 1.

For transferring to flooring, please hold.

I want a tool, tool machines.

Shit.

Oh, boy, boy, boy, boy.

You had a good week, Muck Bands?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's like the shit resistance on one of these flooring materials.

The what? The resistance?

Shit resistance. Yeah, the shit when you put it on there.

The shit.

Stains it permanently.

Alright.

It's fecal.

Using flooring calculations.

What service amount do you have?

I need tool machines.

Okay, what a one moment.

See you, man.

Let's see if I can get this one guy.

Yeah.

We called a few weeks ago.

I do not have a camera.

Seven.

Joe posted a picture of his cat.

Really?

Oh, wow.

Joe's cat looks pretty cool.

has cool features on the face blue eyes what a pretty cat jill describe it what what breed does

it look like blue eyes what else uh american cat machine short hair cap machine oh this is

style or uh no no no god no it's fun it's got like a it's nose is really gray for

k-ray colored with very light blue eyes and the rest of it is like white

I already closed it

I don't care

Watch out

Dobby may get excited

Transferring to appliances

Please hold

Answer phone calls

From me anymore

Like no answer

From my girl

Yeah hi

I had a question

About

I had a question

About the Samsung

Samsung

It's like a dryer

You put things in there

Oh a Samsung dryer

Okay

Do you have one

Yeah what's your question

About it boss

How's it look

You have three

How's it looking

What do you

By

Being very ambiguous sir

what do you mean is it good is it good machine yeah of course it is are you talking about the

front load washers or the top load washer the one that goes around you mean the front the one

where the drum is facing you right yeah yeah those are the those are like one of the highest

ones we got in our stores all right yeah um i had a house party last night and some guy i guess

that would be a funny practical joke to take my 150 bowling ball and put it in the dryer and turn

turn it on and that is not cool yeah and it started a small fire in the garage and the fire

department came and everything oh lord jesus yeah don't use those words in vain please i don't i

don't appreciate that motherfucker i don't want to hear that shit i don't want to hear that shit

you seen uh the god's name in vain like that motherfucker i don't like to hear that shit

you understand me oh okay and today's sunday motherfucker it's a sabbath you don't talk

like that shit about uh the son of god who do you think you are fucking ass motherfucker i said who

do you think you are well you say that why oh yeah hi yeah so you have a front loader then okay all

right good good does it have bowling ball protection no it does not but it has a titanium

steel drum that probably would help out finish that probably would help out right yeah the

titanium is pretty strong it's like an alloy you know it's like a supposed to be like that kind

kind of finish that's kind of no it's an alloy it's an alloy it's not a finish it's an alloy son

okay all right my father was a geologist it's an alloy and man they mine it for him they mine it

okay manol island of manolta yeah a lot of titanium mines there hey um do you know the

guy in tools he's like kind of ethnic he's like a native you know what i'm talking about kind of

big guy talks really slow he talks like he's a cherokee chief kind of did he wear a hat

huh are you talking to me you're far away are you talking to me you're far away hello

okay i can't hear you sir yeah you were far away i was did you ask me that or did you hear what i

asked if you know him top shelf over here top shelf we were talking about in tool world sir

i'm just trying to get it verified with my associate oh is the guy in tool world there

now can i talk to him i'm gonna transfer you over to customer service no tool world yeah but

customer service gonna be the one transferring you over to the world you can't transfer me

directly what are you eating what are you eating buddy pardon what are you eating buddy what's

eating what's for food it's a mint oh you don't have any samosas i have no idea what that is

oh okay they're good i thought that's a native thing you said you don't sound howly you know

you sound like bro what are you what are you hawaiian like actual native like i'm a i'm an

an alien oh okay i thought you were like a coke uh you're a coconut head no i'm an alien sir oh

okay go ahead and transfer you're starting to really piss me off motherfucker okay all right

yeah bye all right see you bitch was eating something dude or sucking a dick

what's with tool world why doesn't anyone answer in the tool world okay hold on let me try and

page okay i'm not too sure if anyone's in right now all right asshole let me check excuse me go

Go ahead.

I think she had a problem there for a second.

She stuttered.

Excuse me?

Tag me up, bro.

How may I direct your call?

Yeah, who is this?

Tool World?

Oh, no, no.

It's customer service.

Yeah, but I keep waiting for the goddamn stupid Tool World.

No one picks up there.

Damn it.

Yeah, I know.

There's only one guy.

He's busy with a customer.

Oh.

Is he like a bigger guy?

He's native?

You know?

Is that him?

Oh, Rich Wine.

the guy in tool world that's helping the customer is he like a bigger kind of slow he talks real

slow talks like a indian chief kind of no no it's not him do you know who that is not chris is he

oh chris chris yeah what i was supposed to meet chris because he's supposed to get some commission

on what i what i get oh no he's off today when is he in shit i think he might be he tried calling

in tomorrow oh all right his name is chris though chris oh is he a he's like the big guy right he's

like a big guy yeah yeah i kind of like he's not big big but yeah i kind of like a little bit

chubby a little bit yeah and he talks like he talks he has an accent now like he talks really

like yeah like a like a like an apache chief would talk right yeah you know i know who you're

talking about yeah yeah he's all right well then you know if he's not there i mean what am i gonna

do you know it's best to talk to him if he if he told you he would do something for you all right

but what was your name i'll tell him you help me out uh kurt oh big kurt how you doing are you

You Hali, or what are you?

Oh, no, I'm Japanese.

Oh, that's cool.

All right, well, domo arigato.

Domo arigato.

Stupid motherfucking fucking asshole.

Okay.

All right, motherfucker.

Yeah.

Bye.

There you go, Kurt.

That's a great Japanese name.

Well, I mean, Milkman's Japanese.

Well, at least we extracted the information expertly, as always.

You see, this is part of the mastery of the Armada.

on him. Look how quickly he extracted

that within seconds.

He knows what I mean when I say Indian, like an Indian

chief. He started kind of laughing.

He did the perfect description.

He took the sound and

he kind of like took the information and put it together

and it's perfect, dude.

Perfect description. This is the tool

guy from the couple shows back, right?

Yeah, that I kept telling him to look at the picture.

Yeah.

Indian chief. The guy started

laughing when you said that. That's what's cracking

second yep you knew exactly yeah i know you're talking about i should have told him i said hey

you know what i did to him i should have said that i did that to him but he said he's kind of big so

he did make that comment so he confirmed it's big kind of not really big that's what i figured he's

like a little little chubby yes exactly that's what he said man he's yeah i know you're talking

i think he's a little chubby he's got long hair and very he looks like an indian chief without his

you know feather hat on whatever that's called i was ready to break out the war bonnet and start

hooping and hollering all right i have i have numbers from dwight and i have numbers from i

think gilbert also milkman i'm going to lonesome loser's wedding i'm excited it's at uh the day

after your birthday oh actually yeah we're talking about doing something um i might not be here i

might be uh it's getting married i didn't know he's getting married all i knew is he had a

My girlfriend played a lot more fantasy football, and then all that shit started up, and I never heard not a word about him.

Man, what happened, dude?

I don't know, right?

It's horrible news, but he is getting married.

He's off the market, ladies.

Sorry.

Great news, man.

That's good news.

Well, I'm glad he came out.

I'm confident enough that he's got somebody to work it with, dude.

Man, I'm glad to hear it, man.

Have you met any of them, or have you met her or whatever?

No, I met her for the first time at this wedding.

It'll be kind of cool.

the dead was invited he got his invitation i don't know if he's gonna come but he was invited

he told me i'm going but when is it dude because i now he yeah i gotta update you with some news

here backstage man about him oh november 1st and i'd like to know because he has blocked

everybody including me is he talking to you at least yeah he's talking to me but he's still

you know how he is dude all right so he's all right then because he hasn't talked to any

any fucking it's okay but like uh um i tried to get him to come on man he got it all jacked up in

his head man he he took it that he's banned and blah blah you know and i tried to talk to him

and whatnot so anyway i told him be around on sunday you can come on i said no one's banned

nothing dude i said we just asked there was a little bit asked of editing your content just a

bit that was it you know so he's got a lot of shit going on what's going on bro a lot of

of shit you know you know we talked about that thing already you know well he's gotten

i got a confirmation confirmation confirmation okay all right let me hit up dwight's numbers

and uh gilmore's numbers here in a little bit dan is in a hotel he says that the hotel rocks

that he's in spacious room great views over central park inspiring welcome note from the

host let's see if we can ruin that milkman i did a show last night that i don't remember

i don't know i don't really remember what happened i'm having memory issues man

which one why it's a short-term memory look i don't remember what happened i'm not drinking

or anything it's like when i do the shows i get i take my pain meds and i'm like

i take ambient and i keep myself up on good evening thank you for calling by here in new

york this is all my direct people yeah i'm taking ambient and i'm keeping myself awake on purpose

yeah um yeah i need to speak to a guest there it's dan haspig and hasbro hasbro h-e-s-t-b-a-e-k

b-a-e-k right oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah that's right buddy i'm absolutely connecting you now

thank you you're welcome you're a nice girl i'm connecting you now yeah oh hi yes is that dan

Yeah, speaking.

Dan, hi, this is Eddie with the front desk.

Hi.

Hi, sir, it's okay to make noise in your room,

but can you keep it down a little bit because we have some complaints.

Of course.

I was listening to music while I was working, but is it too loud?

You were watching pornography, sir.

The room next to yours heard everything.

They heard you masturbating and watching the pornography, I guess.

Okay, is this a prank?

No, no, we have, yeah, it's not a prank, sir.

Who is this calling?

This is Eddie.

I'm at the front desk.

Okay.

Yeah.

I mean, even I, you know, sometimes here get in the mood, but, you know, I'll go into the restroom, make sure no one's around.

But just try, I would recommend, like, if you did want to, like.

I think you're calling the wrong room here, Eddie.

No, Dan Hesbake.

That's me.

Yeah, yeah.

What room are you calling?

I'm calling, I dial by name, sir.

Okay.

So.

When I, when I, when I'm asking.

Working.

I can give you some tips, like I tell people sometimes,

like if you're going to masturbate, do it quietly,

maybe not use a lot of lubrication so that it makes that noise.

And then also...

It's a great prank. Thanks for the call.

Huh? No, it's not a prank, sir.

Did you want me to teach you how to masturbate?

I'm fine. Thanks, Eddie.

I'll come to the room to masturbate.

Thank you. Bye.

Okay, bye.

got a little bit he's really good

he's a founding member of the ring finders the ring finders club i totally forget that

a prank i remember it was something about finding anal rings what was that what was that prank

again it was a business called ring finders right it was an ad they had to find rings i kind of

vaguely remember this it's like a year and a half old what the hell was that i think that was it

was that a whole new light shall we say was that was the infinity key episode i think i don't know

why i remember that but i think it was let me see if i put it in the description because i have no

know i did that was what that was a funny one it was just i don't know you just you just made it

up so spontaneously it gets back to me man i just don't remember it was just funny as shit

jim stewart was with us this is march 31st i guess yeah i don't really see that i described that

detail that was a good episode though father cross lopez is a jesuit priest on a mission to recover

cover the infinity key before the illuminati can get a hold of it that's that episode i recommend

it's all truth man it is all true go to madhouse live.com and in the search box you can put

infinity key it's the episode from march 31st 2013 you can call it gospel huh it does have the

ring finder in it though i think so i'm pretty sure it had the ring finder in the i don't know

why but i'm correlating that prank to this episode i don't know why because i edited it

in i remember i have see i don't never know what the pranks actually become called i just

remember them from the show content i don't never know what they really become called

yeah yeah jim stewart is to get named something jim stewart is they had the lost war lost wallet

call i remember that carlito s extorts an asian man of his lost glasses that's funny too i told

him i was in jail to come bail me out and give him back his glasses that he lost at the goodwill i

i remember that or it's salvation army or something and lost his glasses i told him i

give him back if he's like no no no i told him i was gonna give him just the lenses and keep the

frames i said what do you want it's free it's free money i give you free money he said i remember

it's like your free money for you oh shit that is a good episode i'm gonna listen to that tonight

i love hearing myself i get so hard listening to myself oh yeah let let davi let davi

hey we haven't done a prank in a while come on all right here is

miriam who is staying in oh yeah buddy miles man i did want to comment thank you buddy miles

thank you so much who's buddy miles you didn't hear it i don't know who

hello good morning thank you for calling over the house at kw mario trying to speak

how may i help you hi how are you sexy i'm good thank you and you oh i'm good i'm good

i'm firmly horny today i like to talk to someone who's staying there at the hotel

okay um you you have the room number sir and the name of the guest i have a large erection

and the guest is uh al mesbah m-e-s-b-a-h one moment i have a large erection

goodbye sir no no no i didn't mean that i'm sorry i was just thinking that i was just supposed to

think that i said out loud i'm sorry if you start with that language i'm not gonna okay no but

But honestly, I meant to think that and I said it out loud.

It happened, I think it happened earlier too, right?

I'm sorry.

Okay, one moment.

So I'm just looking into my system, okay?

This girl has a very beautiful voice.

You having trouble looking it up?

I don't understand.

No, I'm just looking into my system.

Just one moment.

What's it doing?

Did you lock it out?

Did you put the wrong password in three times?

No.

Oh, that happens to me sometimes at work.

Happens when you lock out your account.

And what happened when I locked out my account?

You never did?

that's good no you have to change your password every like three months or

whatever yeah yeah me too it sucks I run out of passwords I can't reuse them

either no you can't I hate it

large eruption you still have a problem no I've logged in okay and what are you

doing what are you typing so what was the surname that you wanted oh man you

You don't want to play.

Let me see.

It's one of those A-Rat, those Muslim dogs.

So it's Al, A-L, and then Mesbah is Mike, Echo, Sam, Barbara, Alpha, Hotel.

Mariam is the first name, M-A-R-I-A-M.

Okay, so you need to turn down your music.

Oh, shit.

I really like that.

It calms me down.

Sorry, sir?

When I'm doing drugs.

Fortunately, sir, we don't have a guest in the house in without a name.

Oh, because when I'm doing drugs, like, I really have to put music on or I start freaking out with the silence.

So I put, like, you know, classic rock and roll while I'm listening.

And I get these erections.

God, I can't do anything about it.

Okay, goodbye, sir.

Okay.

I get these erections I can't do anything about.

Hey, milkman.

Yo, milkman.

Oh, I think he's muted.

I can hear him.

I am a bull.

A bull.

A Hawaiian bowling player.

A bachelor.

Located at 99.

2115 IA Heights Drive, 310 above 6 on IAF.

If you know your party's extension, you may dial it at any time, or press 1 for the restaurant,

2 for party and lane reservations, 3 for the bowling alley. Mahalo.

Mahalo.

Hello, thank you for calling IA Bowl. How can I help you?

Yeah, hi. How are you?

I'm good. How are you?

I'm trying to figure out how to get down over there to the bowling alley.

Sorry, what was that?

I'm trying to figure out how I get down to the bowling alley over there.

How you get to the bowling alley?

Yeah, what road do I take?

Where's, let's see, like the address.

The address?

Yeah.

It would be 99-115 Aiea Heights Drive.

Aiea? Is it Aiea?

Yeah.

Aiea? How do I get to Aiea?

Aiea, how do I get to Aiea?

Sorry, can you repeat that?

Aiea, how do I get to Aiea?

How do you get to Aiea?

Oh, yeah.

From where?

It's called, like, Kaliki, something like that, Kaliki.

Kalihi?

Kalihi, yeah, I think that's Kalihi, yeah, Kalahi, Kalihi.

If you head towards, just hop on the freeway towards the west on H1,

there should be signs posted on your way there to go to IS.

Oh, there? Are you there?

Yes.

I'm peeing. I was peeing. I was peeing.

i was peeing i was peeing i'm done see ya bye i don't want to talk to the bowling kid anymore

i'm just playing what the hell this guy was was smarter than a bowling pin like maybe about like

a half a point uh i was fucking stupid that's a fucking retard man oh yeah you'll know who

buddy miles is dude yeah he's a band guy he's a black guy the band guy that's it he's a drummer

And the gypsy, he was the band of the gypsies.

He was a drummer.

Exactly, perfect.

See, I knew you, dude.

It just took you a second to remember.

This session here was an album, dude,

that he was, like, had forced to make it good to the record contract, dude.

And this was, like, a smoking session, dude.

All right.

What session is this?

The whole band of gypsies album.

This is a band of gypsies, yeah, a band of gypsies.

It's a favorite.

Is it?

Yeah.

This was a different excursion, man.

this was like the time whenever like he was getting screwed by the record companies and his

band disintegrated and this is when he started stripping off the original experience boys both

of the both the white guys especially the the bass player that he was originally like in band

and then he started like like pulling the knife on him dude because he like wanted to start his

own band and like kind of like you know do his own thing dude it was like it was kind of like a mess

but he got thrown out during that point in time when he started fucking around and eventually

Eventually, they brought back the first drummer, but for a while, they had Buddy Miles sitting

in, and he's a great singer.

You listen to the singing, it's completely different.

The style of music is different, the beat, you know, it's really, really great rhythmically

as far as if you like a drum, a good solid beat, and Potato is like, you know, a really

kicking-ass drum.

This guy, I mean, he's solid, dude.

Yeah, like, you know, Mitch Mitchell is kind of more jazzy, you know what I mean?

I mean, if you listen to how he's inflecting, you know, he like put it into the flurries and, you know, and brushes.

He did all that shit.

Buddy Miles is more like a drummer, man.

Kind of a different style.

Like a drummer's drummer.

Well, yeah, more like that.

He was kind of like a virtuoso in his own way because he sang and he played.

All right.

Here's a number.

Thank you, Milkman.

This is a number from...

Yeah, well, just a little Jimi Hendrix experience there.

Kidbit.

Ride along.

That's good.

No, thank you.

gilmore sent in numbers here's one for a microfiber sectional couch that's being sold on

craigslist oh sir all right the person you were trying i will try him again this session machine

gun the classic cat actually came from this is the original machine gun yeah there's a lot i've

got a lot of machine gun cars december 31st 1969 that's when they did this the turn of the

the turn of the decade you have a couch i'm sorry you have a sectional couch machine i do but it's

um shut up at night okay i just well that's good because i just want to get the the stuff the like

if you have any coins in it and stuff can i just come by and do that clear it out hey what hey um

let me put someone on the line i was gonna fart on the microphone but she hung up holy shit dude

watch out then you gotta put that little wind sock back over it be careful it's back on you

gotta face that thing afterwards for the next five minutes it's gonna be talking at you i didn't

fart because i held it back because she didn't pick up i mean she hung up because she hung up

and this is like where the guy's like almost dead and yeah so was the idea you were supposed

to drop acid while you listen to these albums is that what the general thing was that's the

the whole part of what it was about you need it all you had to do is listen which is like

recreate i guess the experience so to say you know acoustically let us see here all that is

is a guitar dude he's standing out like standing on a mic by himself in the spotlight he's got the

guitar and just his fingers that's all it is all those sounds are all coming out of that guitar

man that's fucking dope but you'll hear it like you'll load the gun when he's like runs out and

You hear the point, you hear, like, the guns, you hear the rockets, you hear everything if you listen to it.

It's like, it's kind of like where you do with the Star Spangled Banner, but you pick up the next level.

Ah, it's a long track, man. It's 12 minutes, 41 seconds.

Oh, it is, dude. It's a great, it's a smoker, dude.

But it gets toward the end when you start hearing him, like, really playing with it.

But if you listen, you know, like in the story, you know, he's talking about machine guns and killing each other and the pointlessness of the war.

and that's kind of like the comedy that's cool i thought about that that's really cool

you the man you're a wealth of knowledge man this will always pick your brain on my show

for sure okay that's classic right there dude it was a hard time because what they were doing

politically they were forcing young men your age and younger to go to the war dude and get their

ass blowed up man and they had you know they had started to go into younger and younger guys

because they ran out of older guys that's when the song came about he actually was in he actually

was uh um in the service he was a paratrooper uh uh flying i think what they call him the badass

he broke his fucking leg that's why they put him out because he broke his leg man hey um he uh

there's a movie i guess that came out with andre 3000s playing him it came out two fridays ago i

didn't i didn't haven't seen it yet oh really yeah it's uh somebody i think maybe you mentioned

something about that i need a follow-up of that i haven't heard any feedback about it let me let me

now i want to see now i want to see how the feedback is on on three stacks is uh jimmy

hendrix bio let me put biopic jimmy came right up i think it came out like two weeks ago all

is by my side that's a 2013 movie there's a trailer i don't know if it came out have you

ever seen the wood the woodstock video of him like doing um the star spangled banner have i seen it

it or heard it yeah the video footage of it no i don't actual woodstock footage i don't think i've

seen the woodstock footage no oh okay well it's out there yeah you have to see that sometime dude

it's pretty fucking killer man because you can actually see really closely like you know he's

just barely moving his fingers but like all this sound is like going like whoa you know this is

just what amazed him and he was it was so so good at it man he just barely wiggled his fingers and

and get all this crazy sound man um i don't know that this came out i don't know it says i think

it's just 2013 but i don't know they say it's still long away they can maybe chat room knows

if that came out really i could have sworn i saw that it was coming out or had to be interested

like you know they're um the tour gordo says there's a rocket listen gordo says there's a

rock these are rockets gordo says that uh the studio didn't get the uh rights to any jimmy

jimmy hendrix music that's gotta suck right now there's a start in this month is this tour man

jimmy hendrix experience it's gonna be like kenny wayne shepard and a bunch of like the blues guys

and uh we're going on a tour which i bet you'd be fucking fabulous man because i know i've seen

kenny wayne shepard man that motherfucker can flail dude listen let's continue doing prank

calls we talked for a while too much talking next bowling alley we've got a lot of bowling

bowling alleys. I better come up with bowling alley

ideas, because that last one just sucked.

Chat room, give me some bowling ideas.

I have nothing. Help me out. I'll do

what you say. I will do what you say.

How do you get them in your

pants? Yeah, do you have

balls there? Do you have balls there?

Balls? Do you have balls, like

balls that I can use? Do you

have 10-pound balls? Oh, do you know

how you're walking the pants

with the balls? It's in your butt.

Oh, shit.

It's in your butt.

I think he dropped the bowling ball.

How do you put on your pants if the balls are...

What the fuck was that?

Instant replay.

What did he say?

I don't know.

It was great.

Readout.

Good evening, Pauly Lane.

Can I help you?

Yeah, how do you ball so big then?

Thank you, buddy.

How do you ball so big then?

You're asking our bowling balls?

How do you ball so big?

I don't understand what you're saying.

Are you the stupid old man in the office that doesn't pay attention and has the TV on, motherfucker?

Yeah.

Fucking Howie?

Yeah.

Motherfucking shit, motherfucking goddammit, motherfucker.

Looks like some Samoan guy.

Oh, shit, we've lost the chief there.

A Samoan guy in the office picked up.

Yeah, the air conditioner office guy.

Yeah, can I pick up the bowling ball in the claw machine for four hours?

Can I put the bowling ball in the claw machine and pick it up for four hours?

How much for that?

Ten pounds.

Ten pound ball.

Yeah, do you have Fat Albert in the can?

Hey, listen, Howley, fuck you.

Howley, bitch, I'm here.

I'm outside.

I'm on my cell phone outside now, motherfucker.

He's mad.

Hung up like a bitch.

Look how quick he hung up like a bitch.

what's a what's a derogatory term for hawaiians that they use there like holly for us is there

a hawaiian one something that can really other than coconut head that coconut head that we kind

of made up here ourselves i don't think they understand what that means they call poop poop

is a bad one nobody wants to be called a poop there it's really bad a poop a poop machine

like cuckoo what they call cuckoo let me look up cuckoo you're not even you're not even a human

you're not a cuckoo cuckoo in hawaiian slang someone posing very hard as a surfer or skateboarder

someone that goes to every surfing or skateboarding whatever i'll call i'll call them that

it's not good cuckoo is not good yeah hey you freaking cuckoo yeah i'm coming down there

coconut boy i'm going to shove the bowl up your ass

fucking redneck howdy milkman

he's got you man he spotted you out dude fucking redneck howdy oh yeah bro oh that's a good one

man you got him going pretty so someone gave me a number i forget who it is um that kind of sucks

I don't even

I can't tell who gave me this number

I'm not going to call it

because I just don't know who gave it to me

I don't have a problem

Yeah, we should call him back in a little bit, man

Give him a little rest

because he seems like he will answer

so he's fine

He'll just name it next time

Yeah

Fuck real New York, man

Treaty sent in tech support scammers

See that

and then we'll start getting back to

big Ken's numbers again

I used to like it when Ken got a lot of

good craigslist this call may be recorded for quality and training purposes

i will record you reporting to u.s government clarified audio man

representative will assist you i report to u.s government

motherfucker what happened uh the computer doesn't go motherfucker

is that him hanging up that's funny he hung up you're supposed to help him motherfucker he hung

up by ripping his headset off and putting it in a desk drawer and slamming it supposed to help you

damn it thank you hello hello hello sir yeah hi hi how are you sir thank you for calling light

pc expert i'm not good the computer doesn't go tell me how i can help you um i need to fix the

stupid computer it doesn't go it came up really big it says your it says we will not go we do not

go it said and the computer is asking me to make it go it doesn't go the blue e doesn't go okay

can you make it go make it go what is it go computer does not go where it doesn't go where

to the outside hello they're fucking dicks man oh shit what do you mean this call may be recorded

it for quality and training purposes it does not walk down the street clockwork yeah you do not go

hello hello hello benchot benchot hello please support reason

are you there manchot can you hear me yes are you there yeah i'm here

Asshole! Motherfucker!

I don't know, maybe they were tracing me, Milkman, right?

weird be careful switch to the phone card man let's use the phone card if we got to

please hold just a moment over representative will assist you

thank you for calling life expert how may i assist you yes the computer here is not working

Uh-huh.

What kind of computer do you have, sir?

Uh, main machine.

What is the Windows of your computer?

Uh, Windows 9.

You got Windows 9 on your computer?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, and what's your problem?

It doesn't, it, uh, the blue E doesn't go.

Okay, hold on, sir.

Okay, motherfuck, okay, motherfucking asshole.

Nine.

Nine, I love it.

Nine.

There's gonna be no nine, Milkman, you know that?

There's not gonna be nine, that's why I'm laughing, dude.

I was just wondering, you know, if everybody else thought of that, man.

That's why I said that.

Maybe most people weren't like, what's that?

That's not funny.

The reason it's funny is it's been announced.

It's going to be 10, not 9.

They're going to skip 9.

So Milkman, the reason they said they did it is because they say that some old code out there by third-party developers had search characters that, to look for the version, it would look for 9 star to see if it's Windows 95 or 98.

and that'll screw up things if the window is called windows 9 that's what that's silly and

stupid yeah but you do they do they do classify those old ones as 9x that's the way that would

be written 9x it's just the names they just they wanted to do it because they want to be

they want to get to a point where they're like os 10 where it just became osx and now we're on osx

I get it. I mean, it was an excuse, but, you know, I mean, there is a little bit to it.

In the old days, that was a big deal.

This will be the end of the numbers.

Thank you for the premium technical support. My name is Sean. How can I help you today?

Hey, Sean, you can can the attitude for one.

My computer doesn't go.

I'm sorry?

The computer doesn't fucking go.

Why are you using that kind of language?

I'm upset at the computer. I have to make it go.

Please do not use profanity on this call, all right?

Because it is being recorded for quality and service.

All right?

Banchel.

yes and what is the problem that you're facing today it comes up really big it says bhenchod

on the computer oh it says that yeah then it might be asking for your mom or for your dad

no it says call call your number for your for your daughter no it's for you motherfucker don't

you talk about my daughter just give me one moment dirty monkey calling technical support

how may help you today yes hello mr monkey my computer doesn't go sorry hello mr monkey

monkey my computer does not go you are a monkey no you are indian you're indian monkey oh you're

chinese monkey no i'm american the best country in the world you're american but still you don't

know american or monkey i don't know how to america i'm still american but i don't know

how mank monkey that's what you just said stupid fucking idiot oh you're a monkey nice monkey

say something monkey no you say something little monkey go meet meet me like that give you banana

Nana, you fell out of the tree, India monkey.

Were the monkeys fucking the street in India?

No, nice.

Just do it again.

Yeah.

You will get some penny.

Were you born in the bar with the whiskey bottle?

They used the whiskey bottle opener to give you your mother, to give you birth, to open her.

You'll get money.

Okay, good.

Like this, always.

Okay?

Okay, Bhenchod.

You'll earn money a lot.

Just go on the road and play.

Okay?

Okay, and earn some money.

Okay, Bhenchod.

Okay?

Okay, Bhenchod.

You are?

No, bring your wife to me.

your wife and sister i want oh you can take you can speak with your mom no no i don't have mom

i don't have i don't have oh oh you for your father gave you birth no i don't have i don't

have father you your father gave you birth right you're from you're you're a unique person no

you're a unique person in the world i was born out of the asshole you are i'm a black i'm a

I'm a ulu

You're a nigger?

I'm a ulu

You're a ulu?

Yeah

Oh, that's nice, ulu

Okay

What's your name?

You told me your name is monkey

Then you're saying your name is ulu

What's your name?

Did you just say the N word?

N word?

Did you just say that?

Oh, I didn't say that

Yeah, you did

You told me that your name is monkey

Your name is ulu

What's your real name?

My real

Oh, sorry

American

What is your name?

Huh?

American

American is

Do you know

Smelling of American?

What? I eat potato chips?

American doesn't do like this.

I believe you are not American.

Okay. All right. I'm British.

I'm British, stupid motherfucker.

I'm a British.

You're a Britisher?

Yeah.

You're a Britisher?

Yeah.

Are you a real man?

I don't think so.

You are a real man.

I'm recording this.

That's why you're calling from the IP calling.

And that is recorded right now.

Do you know that?

I'm recording YouTube.

That's why I'm talking to you.

I'm recording you.

There's a lot of people listening to you right now.

There's about 180 people listening to you.

Hello?

There's 180 people on Shoutcast and Mixler

combined listening to you on the internet.

Prankal, I'm Prankal.

Ooh, tough guy.

Ooh, he was upset, man.

You're calling IP calling, and...

It is being recorded.

Monkey, you're monkey.

Damn, he dropped the N.

I never heard an Indian person drop that N word like that.

in india no less he was he was really happy with you he repeated it and said your name over and

over oh you're a monkey you're a monkey thank you for calling goodwill leaders in independent

support hey how may i help you hi stupid indian monkey how are you i'm fine how are you i want

you to fix the fucking computer it doesn't work uh-huh so what is wrong with the computer it

doesn't go motherfucker where does it uh where is it not going can you tell me it doesn't go

So we're behind?

Okay, it doesn't go to the main thing.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

So have you tried it?

Taking it from the...

You're not taking it from the backside?

No, I'm taking it from the front like your mother.

And your sister takes it from the backside.

But I don't want your sister right now.

I want your mother from the front.

Your father takes it from the head.

Your daughter takes it from the head.

Uh-huh.

But I'm not in the mood for that either.

I fuck mother.

I maruchot today for you.

Maruchot for you.

Okay.

I maruchot.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, I mother.

Oh, your mother, yeah.

Sounds like a ulu.

Chudui, chudii, ulu, mother.

Okay.

So, hello.

Abyo, Akash, you're not online?

What?

You're not online?

I am.

Hello.

Hey, motherfucker.

Where'd you go and put me on mute?

What happened?

I was just, you know, thinking, what can I say to you?

But it seems that, you know, I'm running out of words.

You're stupid.

Yeah, I'm stupid.

Yes, actually, I mean, I'm stupid.

You know the fact is the reason you know, I'm like I'm calling myself stupid is because you know

This is a recorder line. So I cannot use

You know, hey, I got some abuse to you. Listen, I got something for you. Yep. Tell me you tell me I farted on the

Microphone I farted on the phone. I farted that was me. I'm sorry. I farted on the phone. I farted I farted

So what am I supposed to do that smell?

Smell it, smell it.

Technology is not that advanced, dude, yet.

It smells like corn.

Okay, it seems you're enjoying your old smell.

I do.

I love my smell, my shit, and my fart.

Corn and garlic and curry.

Your mother made curry for me when I fuck her from the front.

It smells good.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right, I'm done.

You have anything for me?

You know, I have a lot of things for you.

Okay, but it's just because, you know, it's a professional line,

and I cannot be rude to my customers in any which ways,

however stupid the customer is.

You know, I have to be a little nice with them.

Do you have eastern latrine or western latrine where you are?

Sorry?

Do you have eastern latrine or western latrine where you are?

Whatever it is, you know, I don't want it to tell it to you.

Do you shit on the hole in the floor or do you have a toilet you sit down on, a commode?

well you know it depends when there are some idiots like you okay which are uncomfortable

with it completely depends on everything you know how do you make a lot of things how do you

make cuckoos huh sorry how do you cuckoos and what the hell is that oh you don't know oh maybe i

thought maybe it was for all the ulu kapatas over there you know hey listen why are you

muting me i'm not muting you at all you think that i'm muting you yeah right now okay you did

And why do you feel so?

Yeah, and why do you feel so?

I mean, you know, I'm hearing you.

Do you, when you go shit,

do you clean with water in the dipper in your hand

or do you use a paper?

I do what is appropriate.

You use your hand like an animal

and you put water on it?

That's disgusting.

Do you drink?

Yeah, as I told you.

As I told you, you know, I do what is appropriate.

Do you use your right hand?

I bet you do, and then you eat with it.

You eat with your right hand?

Yes, I do.

and eat with my right hand.

And then you clean your shit

with your right hand too, right?

As I told you,

I do what is appropriate.

Which is what?

What is appropriate?

Hello, Mr. Appropriate.

Yeah, tell me.

I'm there, listening.

Tell me.

I'm waiting on you.

Go ahead.

I'm waiting on you,

motherfucking asshole.

I'm waiting on you.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I'm just drinking some water.

Hello?

Hello, hello, hello?

Yeah, tell me.

Yeah, tell.

Bitch motherfucker.

Speak up.

You want to hear another fart?

Yeah, speak up.

You want another fart?

Oh, shit.

All right.

Oh, no.

that was a long call yeah reaction to the dow huh i had a good nice fart on that it was good

so good it was warren pretty good he was pretty good customer service there

did you catch his name uh no no i think it was bencho all right sound like lorraine or

something like that dwight's calling dwight is time for i think for dwight to call

so when did this come out in the 70s is that true i thought he when he when did um jimmy

i told you it was december 31st 1969 the night of first of 1970 and recorded it from the new

year's eve to the new year's day it was that night that midnight he recorded it that's right

because he does say like i want to say he says happy new year to the people first no more bombs

no more guns no more you know that's what he's talking about the war because he couldn't be in

the war because he had broken his leg so he wasn't allowed to get inducted but there's a lot of people

dying especially like black people and shit back then black people man all right it's in the black

people disproportion for a couple minutes the black panthers were interested in talking to him

you know wow but then he's like oh they're gonna try and politic him with his music and all he

you want to do is just do good music well they try to get they try to get him in like you know

or fuck him up like i'm saying like they did with ali and all that shit he said fuck it i just want

to do music that's why he kind of separated away from that scene muhammad ali got his title he

agreed with politics but he didn't want to do politics he wanted to do music uh ken are you

here ken neon are you here now neon deon sanders what's up give me a second i'm preparing something

something here for myself how you guys doing ken starting with ken how you doing not very well

lions lose i didn't watch any nfl today yeah lions lost because our fucking field goal kicker

missed three goddamn kicks in the game uh-huh so we lost by three dwight and clanna

the fucking titans lost they're out of the playoffs man not a good day for detroit huh

Nope.

Boy, oh boy.

Neon, what's your report?

How are things?

I'm working right now.

Just chilling.

You're on the VPN lap-a-top motherfucker and shit?

Yeah.

And you're getting paid for this?

This is awesome.

Yep.

I'm paid for prank calls.

She's doing better than all of us, guys.

Because I don't get paid.

Bitch.

Neon.

Hey, Milkman.

Don't even talk, Dwight.

You're always leaving us on Saturdays for your booty calls.

I was doing a show Saturday.

What are you talking about?

No, when we were all...

Yeah, well, when the show last night.

You left exactly the same time as you did the week before

And the week before that, I think you got a booty call

No, it's called going to fuck the bed

No, uh-uh

It's called sick

Now that you got caught, you're like, oh no, no

I can't use the Comcast thing anymore

The fucking show ran over

An hour past what I usually do

And then we started doing another one

Here, talk to a band shot, Ken

To like the expert

May be recorded for quality and training purposes

It's in the 40s right now

Yeah, I got the window open.

I got to close it.

Shit.

Thank you for calling Life of Shakespeare.

My name is Tony.

How can I help you?

How you doing?

I got an issue with my computer over here.

Sorry?

There's a problem with my computer.

What kind of problem is that?

I mean, the computer?

Yeah, I tried to go to, like, the machines on the internet there, and it freezes up.

It freezes.

Yeah.

Which Windows are you using?

Windows 7, Windows 8?

No, I'm using the XP.

Windows XP, right?

Yeah.

And are you able to go online?

No, I try to go online, and it pops up with a blue screen, and I don't know, it has a bunch of vulgar material on there, a bunch of the swear words.

Okay, so you're seeing the blue screen, right?

Yeah, with a bunch of vulgar material. I'll just read you a couple. One says, eat shit, and the other one says, fuck you.

Okay, and, Mano, which Windows are you using? 7, 8?

No, no, the XP.

Windows XP, right?

Yep, that's right. Second time.

and how old is the computer uh two years old came from the factory with the xp on it okay two years

old and you're telling me that you're using windows xp right yep they told me that was the

latest and greatest thing just do one thing first of all shut down your computer shut it down okay

shutting it down okay i gotta shut down look look at the keyboard on the keyboard you can wait a

minute it's shut down but it's back on my mouse is moving i'm not moving the mouse but the mouse

is moving there it goes oh wait a minute word document's opening somebody's typing and it's

not me i don't know what's going on here pal all right shut it down and turn it off it won't let

me somebody else i don't know somebody else has control shut down using the power button okay i'm

gonna pull the power plug hang on i pulled the power plug uh computer's still on though so what's

the deal i don't i thought i had to plug this thing into the wall it's a desktop i don't they

don't have a battery does it no turn it off and turn it on i did i pulled the power cord that

That should be, like, the ultimate fix.

Okay.

The PC says Stuxnet.

Have you turned it on?

It's already on.

It won't let me turn it off.

So what are you going to say now?

On the computer screen?

Yeah, it came up with an error code.

Okay.

You need this error code?

Yeah.

It says Bahanchod?

Mm-hmm.

And possibly a Ulukapata.

I don't know.

That's what it looks like.

Sir, can you speak up?

It sounds like you have the phone up your ass.

So let me tell you, the problem is that you got some infections on your computer.

Yeah, just like your mother?

You got on your computer.

And right now, the security label on your computer is not capable enough to protect your computer.

Jesus Christ.

What we have to do, so first of all, we have to remove these infections from your computer and obtain your security

so that next time whenever you go online, nobody can try to peep into your computer.

Nobody can send you any infections.

Wait a minute, are you trying to tell me that there's somebody inside of my computer?

I cannot say like that, okay?

That's an awfully tight space.

No, let me tell you, your computer will be safe,

and from today onwards, your computer will work like a new-brand computer.

And in order to do this, you have to register your computer.

It's only two years old. Should I just throw it away?

Sorry, what are you saying?

Should I just throw the computer away?

No, your computer will be safe.

Okay.

Okay?

Okay.

In the future, your computer will be safe and secure,

year and within one year if you finish any problem then all of the software problems will be fixed

in free of cost as well and in order to do this you have to raise to your computer for the complete

one year it will cost you $199 jesus christ what do you think i'm slinging crack you think i got

that kind of money laying around i'm not black sir you know because it's not like i'm a model

a chode or anything.

So I cannot help you.

Why not?

Is it because

you're a fucktard?

Gandu?

You can

hand me a call.

You like drizzling

Gandu sauce

all over your face?

You fucker.

I give you

a free warranty

one year

and it only costs

$200.

This call may be

recorded for

quality and

training purposes.

Thank you for calling

Life of PC Expert.

My name is Ming.

How can I help you?

Yeah.

I can't download

the movies

Which movie?

And from which website are you trying to download?

Torrent, okay.

Okay, and which computer are you using?

Yeah, I mean, is it like a laptop or a desktop?

Okay, okay, okay, I got it.

Uh-huh.

Okay, so when did you try to download it?

um just now i can give you the website okay i'll do one thing so let me go ahead and connect your

computer with my computer and i'll go ahead and try to download it for you okay i uh yeah okay so

like before i continue may i know your name please cross yeah like f-r-o-s-t yep okay and

first uh may i have your phone number so that uh if the call gets disconnected i can call you back

Uh, 2414025.

Uh, and what is the area called?

801.

Okay, so it's 801-241-4024, right?

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay, uh, uh, first do one thing.

Uh, open up your Internet Explorer.

Okay.

You're using Windows, right?

Yeah.

Okay, so is it Windows 7 or Windows 8?

Uh, 7.

7, okay.

Okay, open up your Internet Explorer.

and search for www.support.me.

Okay.

It came.

It's here.

It has a big penis on here.

Sorry?

There's a big penis on here.

No, no, no.

It's like I'm trying to connect your computer with my computer now.

Yeah, I put it on, and it's a big penis and a man with his penis showing.

Okay, so, I mean, do you see something that says log me in 123.com?

No, it says penis.

Penis, it says you have been owned by penis, and it has lots of penises on it.

Okay, like, so you don't see anything other than that?

Yeah, do you know what a penis is?

Yes, I know.

Yeah, that's what it has, like, so many penises.

Okay, so, like, can you, uh, so, first, do you see the Windows key on your keyboard?

Yes.

Okay, do one thing.

Press and hold the Windows key.

Okay.

And hit the letter R as in Romeo.

Uh-huh.

All right, now it shows a penis again.

So now there's your penis again?

Yeah.

Okay.

So, like, you're not able to go anywhere?

Yeah, the mouse is a penis now.

Everything is a penis now.

Everything comes up with a penis.

Okay.

So, do you have any other computer?

I have your mother's.

I mean, a computer.

Yeah, I have your mother's computer.

Your mother is here, so I can use her computer.

Hello?

I don't have my mom.

She's here.

She's here with me.

She would talk, but her mouth is kind of full, so she can't talk.

My bad.

He went like that.

I did.

Yeah.

Please don't go to that website, people.

Don't give them remote access to your machine.

That is a known scam.

Well, they called my brother's house a couple weeks ago, and I knew exactly what it was.

And he's like, I called about the main computer.

And I said, I'm calling about the problems with it.

And I said, there's no problems with my computer, asshole.

And he fucking hung up real quick.

You should have said banjo.

I should have.

My mom would have cried.

I'm like, what the hell does that mean?

I'm like, don't you worry about it.

Don't you worry about it.

Because I was fixing her computer.

I called her house.

And I'm like, or not her computer.

I was fixing the phone.

And he called.

And I'm like, all right, buddy.

It's fun to mess with those guys using a virtual machine.

You know, then you let them in.

We were doing that one time.

time and the guy was trying to delete the system their system files so we pissed him off really

he's going in trying to delete the system

You missed it there.

They dropped the end on it earlier.

An Indian actually

called me. I'm sorry. I'm trying to fix my microphone

sandwich fell off of my

swing arm. It's unscrewed itself

from the bass.

Here we go.

Pissed off some bowling alley attendant

down in Hawaii.

Come and see it through my face, motherfucker.

Yeah, let's call that guy back. Do you remember which one that was?

That was the Polly ones, I think, yeah.

He called them out.

He's like, you Howleys.

Come fucking say it to my face.

I'll call him a kook.

That works too, apparently.

There we go.

We'll call him back.

Hey, stupid.

Hey, sir.

How are you doing?

Yeah, I got a question for you.

I'm a Howley.

Am I allowed to come in and bowl at your establishment?

I'm a white person from the mainland.

Your mother.

Am I going to be racially harassed when I come in?

Tunisians.

Kook.

Yeah?

Oh, cool.

The dirty devil people?

Yeah.

How come the devil people

I don't.

To be you, then.

Yeah.

Hey, you brood son of a bitch.

You're a howling.

Oh, yeah.

You're a monkey.

Yeah?

You're a monkey.

Am I?

Stupid, stupid, stupid monkey.

You must be a fucking kook.

Yeah, no, I'm the smart howling.

Smart?

Oh, wow.

You kook.

You must be the dumb fucking howling guy.

Funny guy.

let me call one of the uh the first few indian uh scammers were pretty good

last few have been kind of okay the one that called me the guy that called me the manager

that called me a nigger i can't believe that thank you for calling technical support my name

is daniel how may i help you today hey daniel is that a homosexual name i'm sorry that's a

homosexual name where i'm from i'm sorry it's a homosexual name where i'm from daniel uh sure

it's a technical support department

we know what kind of technical systems you need

I'm eating a hamburger

a cow, it tastes really good

I'm sorry sir, it's a technical not a pizza shop

is there anything else for the day I can do for you?

Baz has something probably

I'm going to this

this hamburger is really good

it's nice and beefy

I don't know if the first ones are actually scammers

I think they're actually like

beefy

my name is Roy, how can I help you?

That's so good. It's like dripping with juice.

I just got just the right fat content, you know.

I got a nice big tube steak for you.

Yeah, that's going to have a beef, all beef. Fucking delicious.

Speak up, boy.

Hey, don't be shy.

Yes, hello.

Do you like it meaty?

Yes, ma'am. You know what problem you're facing?

Well, it won't fit in the hole.

Too much beef.

Too much girth. Can't get it in.

Not enough pushing.

Do you recommend, what kind of lubrication would you recommend

men to ensure that nothing

gets torn or broken.

Sir. Okay, I'm waiting. I'm waiting for your

reply. Dana, what problem are you facing?

I told you, we can't get it in the hole.

It won't fit. We try pushing

and it just, like, pops back out.

Alright. Yeah, we're trying to get this damn

movie done. Uh-huh. So,

what do you recommend?

We're trying to get her on top, you know,

like, sometimes, you know,

it pops out when you try to put it in

in that position.

Yeah, and the director is getting pissed.

The director is getting pissed.

We have to keep reshooting.

We have to keep making more takes.

The damn dick cock keeps popping out.

Call another number.

What number?

No, I'm going to call you.

We heard you're the expert.

On the Google?

We heard you're the expert.

We have the number on the Google?

On the Google.

Do I say OK Google?

All right, Neon, take the next one.

Ladies perspective

Try to seduce him

I bet you Indian men

Will be like oh yeah

I help you

Naive woman

Recorded

Okay goo

That never works right for me

Never fucking wakes up

Please hold just a moment

Over representative will assist you

My ping

Please hold just a moment.

Over-representative will assist you.

What do you got to get that percocet?

If you can't remember, the only appropriate thing is to take another one.

Take more.

Yeah, sure.

You better just to be sure, you know.

Just to be sure.

Take an extra one, just to be sure.

All right.

Please hold just a moment.

I'll take a half.

Over-representative will assist you.

Is that percocet?

Yes.

Nice.

Those things make me feel nice and toasty.

Please hold just a moment.

they make me funny

oh is that the secret

yeah

I'm like a

Axl Rose or something in the 80s

gonna make it November rain

yeah coming out drunk

at a concert

alright this one sucks let's try a different one

sorry bros

classical music

no you didn't

that's just mean

porn music

I thought you were up to

four or five by now.

Yeah, we've been doing a lot of those movies.

Double fisting.

Did we have...

Because the fourth one was Cream Street in Space, wasn't it?

Didn't they keep it that way?

Cream Street in Space.

The African one was second.

Our premium tech support is available

24-7. Press 1

for software problems and viruses.

2 for hardware problems.

I like the 0T Cream Street.

There was actually a Cream Street out there.

Remember, I found the song.

That's where I got the name from.

Thank you for calling my phone support.

My name is Ashna.

How may I help you?

Hi, Ashna.

How are you today, honey baby?

I'm good, ma'am.

How may I help you?

I'm having problems with my computer.

What problem?

Do you have any computer?

It should go faster.

I need it really fast.

Okay, we can go ahead and help you with that,

with the slow performance issue.

Four days, ma'am, there will be a one-time charge.

Is that okay with you?

You're either going to help me or I'm going to ask for a man.

Sorry, I didn't get you.

are you a man are you a lady boy sorry i'm a lady you're a lady okay can you get a man on the phone

too i kind of like three-way let me do one thing let me transfer the call to my senior technician

okay please stay connected is it a man is it is it going to be a man yes do you have a man over

you is that what it is yes i'm transferring the call to a senior technician okay penal technician

thank you make sure it's a man with a penis penal technician yeah i should have mentioned this is

is the virus department so it's okay now we need the hardware oh hardware thank you for staying

online i appreciate your patience i don't have any patience hello yeah hi my name is summit and i'm

the senior technician over here how may i help you hi that lady ishma whatever ish do who cares

sent me over to you i'm having some issues with my computer being very slow okay i need it hard

I'm sorry?

I need it hard and fast. I need it fast. I need it working.

Okay. How old is your computer?

It's a couple years old. I'm looking more so to get that blue E to go. You know what I'm saying?

I'm sorry?

I need the blue E to go. You know the blue E? Do you know that program?

Right.

Do you know what it is?

Right.

I asked you a question, not right. Right should not be the answer. Do you know what it is?

Yes, I know it. That's the reason I'm here to help you out, ma'am.

Oh, okay. Well, what's the name of the program? That's what I'm asking.

It's Internet Explorer.

Oh, there you go.

You've got it.

Okay.

Okay, now I can trust you fully.

So when I pull it up, it says cannot connect due to proxy servers.

What does that mean?

Well, ma'am, it seems that there could be some problems going on with the system files

or with the application files.

That could be the reason that you're getting this proxy server error.

Okay, and I'm Miss, not a madam or ma'am.

It's Miss.

It's very rude to imply that I'm a madam.

Okay.

Are you going to tell me to look it up on Google?

Are you there? Speak up. Don't be shy.

Yes, I'm here.

Okay.

So what do you recommend?

Well, mom, if you want, we can help you to fix the problem,

but there will be a one-time charge to fix it because it's a paid support.

I bet I'll have you, but I'll be charging you after this call.

I'm sorry?

I'll be charging you after this call.

You're getting this shit for free, you know what I'm saying?

Is this how long it takes you to fuck?

Do you just, you like it really quiet?

What's the fee?

Well, mom, it's a professional call.

Do you like it?

Fuck.

Is there that much of a delay?

You cannot hear me?

Because you're definitely not speaking with me.

How you many make?

Well, ma'am, it's a professional call.

If you talk like this, I'll be forced to disconnect the call.

I don't like things disconnected.

I like to be very connected, if you know what I mean.

Go ahead and help me with the blue E.

Well, ma'am, since I've already given you a warning,

so thank you for calling my phone.

Oh, you're going to beat the shit out of me.

Yes!

He just ran away.

way okay i don't want to play i don't want to play here's the last one which i haven't called

yet we can all jump in on it why not i'm going to take a break after this and i just got you

guys on but it is break time for me okay for calling technical support one of our technical

support advisors will be with you shortly thank you for calling technical support this is john

John Miller, how can I help you?

John Miller is your name?

Yeah.

Okay, my...

It's like John Miller calling from Texas.

That's bullshit.

That's not your name.

How can I help you?

That's not your real name, though.

What's your Indian name?

Name's like Narminder Parmeshu or something like that.

Is it John Miller?

That's not an issue, sir.

Please tell me what the issue you are.

Yeah, what's your fucking problem there, Kumar?

Yeah, is your name Kumar?

What, sir?

Is your...

My name is Patel.

Bhenchod Patel.

Okay.

And my name is Mr. Gondu.

What can I do?

David Gondu.

Can we leave a message for Patel?

Yeah.

Patel?

Is that what your real name is, Patel?

You know what we mean?

I mean, when you get home from work, does your wife go,

Patel?

No, she goes, why the fuck did I marry this little dick motherfucker?

This dumb motherfucker, him.

You smell like dirt?

Dirt does have a smell, right?

Ew.

Can we smell your hair?

Do you smell like red dirt?

His dick smells like dirt because he fucks it.

He just puts a hole in the ground and does push-ups.

Oh, I like push-ups this way.

Wait, push-ups, I...

I make my arm very strong.

I fuck you, Art.

Oh, my God.

I fuck you, Art.

You bit my penis.

Art, I fuck you.

Thank you for calling Technical Support.

One of our Technical Support Advisors will be with you shortly.

Thank you for calling Technical Support.

This is John Miller.

How can I help you?

Hi, monkey, I fucked my poison eye.

I fucked the earth.

Oh, yeah.

Do you want to listen to something?

No.

Yes.

Please tell me the technical...

Motherfucker.

The computer broken.

Who are you calling there, little monkey?

Is he calling his friend, the authority?

I had some WD-40 in his chair.

God, listen to that.

We're being transferred.

Uh-oh, now you did it.

John Miller.

He got it from a beer he was drinking.

Yeah.

John Miller.

Because I like Miller Beer.

I like the name John.

Sounds very American.

And my dad drank the Miller Beer.

I'll try one more time.

See if we get John Miller again.

Okay.

Yeah, because I remember seeing the info,

like when all the American companies started outsourcing,

we know a lot, late 90s, early 2000s,

they would just, in the training,

they would tell them to choose an American name.

One of our technical support advisors will be with you shortly.

A lot of them were choosing names from, like, sitcoms and stuff.

Like, Jerry was really big.

Jerry Seinfeld, I remember.

I saw that.

It was some NBC news program.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Help me.

Thank you for calling technical support.

You have to help me, please.

This is John Miller.

Yeah, this is John Miller.

How can I help you?

Please go ahead with your...

Hello, Mr. Miller.

...right now.

Yeah, we want to kiss you all over your body, all five of us.

You need to make my asshole go.

I'm offering a call to my supervisor, and he will team with you, okay?

He hung up on us.

Can we kiss him all over his body?

He hung up.

Shit.

All right, I'm up against a hard break.

We're sponsors.

When we come back, we'll have more prank calls.

Big Baz is here.

Cam the Dwight.

Neon and Milkman are all here.

So, I don't know.

What do we have to call?

Uh, I got a bunch of numbers that I sent over.

Yeah, you got more.

I see.

Hooters, et cetera, in L.A. and such.

We'll see if we can get through.

I got some Lakers.

7-Eleven?

There you go.

Wow.

I got some roommate numbers.

Yeah, yeah.

And we can hit up those bench huds again.

I like these little scammer bench huds.

Yeah, they're great.

Monkey fuckers?

Uh-huh.

They get pissed.

Okay, I'll be back in a while.

sixest minutes. Enjoy the music

and the pranks and all that. Bye.

Be right back. Hang on, guys.

House Radio. I am Carlito,

your host for the evening, for a

brisk October evening here

in the Northeast.

East. I understand it's

in the 80s in Southern California.

A friend of mine

in San Francisco

was telling me that.

Named Milkman.

That's disgusting weather.

Disgusting people weather.

Baz dropped out. We still have Ken and

Dwight as well as Milkman here.

I mean, Ken and Neon.

Ken and Dwight.

Both.

I want to just start calling you Dwight, man, because

I want to try to help your non-aminity

at costco they got these almonds that are called pumpkin pie almonds holy shit i just had a handful

of them oh my god if there was a way to make almonds bad for you as that's it that's it but

they are like let's say that like they're white chocolate flavored with pumpkin pie

like spices and seasoning they're about the size of those um you know around easter time they got

those really big uh what are they called something almonds they got another name yeah the jordan

almonds jordan albums they're about the size of the jordan album a little smaller than that

but in uh like kind of fall colors and they're so fucking good they just taste like little bites

of pumpkin pie with almond crunch inside oh my god do i highly recommend these if you have a

costco membership get that shit or just go into costco and get the samples because it's off the

chain like the harry harry rick is shopping at costco you got costco out there i don't know if

you do yeah yeah we do we have like three he was known in the hood plus good for his classic

slashes glass four fifths diamond cut hollow play tips boy busting out his corduroy fits 11

be on his little boy fit we're gonna catch him at the teacher's conference so

oh they're so fucking good

I gotta keep them wet

do it man

don't go over the edge

my wife came home

she's like

you know you gotta keep

you're gonna hide these

in your office

so I don't eat them

I'm like I'm probably

gonna eat them all

I haven't tried

I just tried them

now on the break

for the first time

I'm like oh my god

I see what she was

talking about

holy shit

off the chin

I wanna drop them

in a pumpkin pie latte

or something

oh my god

I was so gonna get

one of those tonight

damn it

I don't have time

yeah I gotta get one

I can get at least

one a year i just get one a year i'm like all right i'm good for the year the one last year

was not that good they like they messed around with like the syrup or something with it but the

one the year before that holy shit i couldn't get enough of that at the box or duncan the duncan one

is better than the starbucks one i tell you yeah most of the actual like pumpkin coffee is really

good from duncan donuts you can get like target or whatever okay holy crap yeah but we've been

been doing the guatemalan coffee here now it's so fucking good and rich it's dark guatemalan coffee

guatemalan coffee is the shit is it like guatemalan antigua i don't know it's just

guatemala that's usually what it's called okay but it's a really dark rich almost like really

velvety kind of i don't know how to explain it i love it just as smooth is that what it is like

Like Dwight's cum.

Mine has texture.

Gross.

It's chunky.

It's crunchy.

It's neon.

It's crunchy.

It's like one of the fucking crunch bars.

A crunch bar?

You're more like granola.

Neon was crunching on it.

I call her over every day.

I'm like, come here, honey.

It's time for your protein.

Oh, my God.

Okay.

Thank you.

Gross.

Bye.

Gross.

Milkman, any idea what song we left off on our Jimi Hendrix playlist?

Are you still here?

He might be watching a show.

it was peach fuzz no i stopped in the beginning are you crazy i think we already did we did

there's two machine guns in this copy that i have i don't know if they're different or not

so i'll just start with that one because i didn't get to it if not then we're listening

to machine gun again fuck it milkman loves it so much this is his birthday this month this is

milkman awareness month everybody october here we go that's not the song oh yes

This is the intro to it.

Quiet, you.

All right, pre-call.

Let's do it.

I'm sorry, dude.

I know you guys probably already answered this,

but did Baz say if he's coming back or not?

He said he wasn't sure he's going to go.

He had to go watch a movie or something.

I didn't watch Magic Mike.

Mike was his wife.

And then perform after that.

Thank God.

Have you seen that movie?

Seriously.

I've heard of it.

Have you seen that movie, Dwight?

No.

We had a guy at work that...

Holy shit, man.

We had a guy at work that the ladies were calling Magic Mike,

and he seemed to be quite popular so that's all i gathered oh my god the movie like the whole

premise of the movie was really stupid and like the story with the backstory and everything

was really dumb but man how's the fucking dancing man oh my god a good looking guy that's a good

dancer is that it what is it there's well yeah he's like trying to make money and stuff and

they ended up doing like drugs and like um like transporting the drugs doing money getting money

money and stuff like that and then somebody loses the drug it's really it's honestly like a stupid

premise but fuck man that dancing holy shit okay good dancing like on it channing tanum used to be

a dancer anyway he was a dancer anyway and i think some of his like like the really like tough moves

were done by like a stunt dude anyway but oh my god yeah better than patrick swayze

um who's footloose kevin bacon that was yes kevin bacon well footloose yeah that's fine

everything but like yeah patrick swayze and dirty dancing was pretty hot but there's one guy i cannot

remember his name and he's come out in a couple other things he's like one of the back um like

like back dancers holy shit man that guy was fucking hot they did like this whole like fireman

type of thing

and

see that hose

you know what I'm saying

now that I want to see

Ken doing the fireman

I bet she does a good fireman

do the fireman

you're the one

who wanted to play

helicopter man

that's funny

actually I was wrong

Baz confirmed he was

watching Cream Street 2

with his wife

oh yeah

that's a good one

in the Africa scenes

alone

Africa scenes

that movie won us

a whole bunch of

oh shit he's back

uh oh

nice Baz back

Baz

what am I talking about

shh

AVN awards

Yeah, I'm back.

Hey, you're back.

Baz is back.

Oh, nothing.

Where'd you go?

You watch a movie?

A movie?

With your real quick or your wife?

You got hot?

Oh, she got busy doing something else.

You fucking laid down some peck peck real quick to make her be quiet.

Laid down some pipe.

Yep.

it

I'm smoking a cigarette right now

I'm a smoke man

You are?

I don't have to listen to this

Oh no

Disgusting sexual talk

So I'm trying to listen to Jimmy

These motherfuckers tell my fucking

You might be watching a show let me try it

My mom saw Jimi Hendrix perform

for him yeah and she said yeah she saw him like hate ashbury and she said he was up on stage

fucking some guy no yeah she said that yeah jimmy hendrix i drive by his i drive by jimmy hendrix

every day you do this is great yeah what does it say is he buried up there yeah he's buried the

cemetery he's buried and i drive by on my way to work every day do you ever stop there is there

with like a lot of shit around it probably no i i have i've been there before he's got a

this like this ebo like tune thing and the people the time i went there there was this hippie dude

that was uh just sitting there cross-legged and he'd been camping out and he had like all

these cds laid out he was listening to him on his disc man wow he's like on a pilgrimage

that's crazy that's kind of cool it was pretty bizarre go to his grave and listen to all his

music and go back home that's kind of cool bruce lee fucking buried up around there too

uh he's in seattle oh really i thought he was like san francisco area

seattle i saw this thing on buried in in renton which is south of seattle i saw this thing on

tv was they like took a psychic or a medium through uh jimmy hendrix's house that's in la

and they said there was like there were a couple rooms in there they're like yeah you know got some

cold and hot spots in here and there but that whole that whole house have you ever seen the

house it's freaking gaudy looking and they they rent it out i mean they used to rent it out for

like weddings and stuff but there was one room and the medium went in there and she was just like

this room has like so much like concentrated energy and they're like yeah this is where he

spent a lot of his time and it was just it was a creepy like creepy looking house it's really dark

looking in orlando i used to go to um universal studios there's a bob marley um a nightclub

and it's modeled it's an exact replica of his house in jamaica in kingston jamaica or wherever

it is i think it's kingston yeah oh it's such a cool place too but it has like an open inside

and they created a stage there it's like an open atrium so it's a bar going all around and it's an

an outdoor stage oh it's like in the summers and stuff like that it's like live reggae there on the

weekends used to go there a lot wow that was really cool i had a friend who was a bouncer there

and uh he used to get tipped in weed all the time and it's like i don't he was used to tell me like

i don't really smoke you can just have it was like oh shit that's awesome like once a month

he'd probably get tipped like a dime bag or something it was really cool yeah i would give

him rides because he he had a suspended license so we'd give him rides sometimes really cool guy

i don't know whatever happened to him i forgot his name too he was a dentist anyway blah blah

blah i want some prank calls this is madhouse we always shoot the shit for a while it's not

okay you know i came up as listening to talk radio com you know talk radio and then my love

is prank calls so i always try to mix the two but this is an actual what i would term this is what

i actually term when i got all the music laid out and the intros and the outros this is an actual

madhouse radio episode when i just come on a bullshit it's like ah whatever you know who cares

Baz, do you want to do a call?

I can tell you what I got

I got some bowling alleys

I don't know if I'm going to do anything

if you're busy or not

How about somebody else start out?

I'll do one in a little bit

How about you, Neon?

We got Red Roof Inns, 7-Eleven

Hooters

which you seem to think was funny

Do you want a Hooters?

Sure

This Hooters is in Honolulu

I've always liked the Hooters

because of fucking uh oh what's his name when do we get uh on thanksgiving uh oh yeah ernie ernie

yeah uh-huh did we get did i not get him last year last year we lost we didn't have his number

yeah we didn't yeah i remember lonesome tried a few options but it didn't pan out yeah it was a

good run with him i think that's exactly what i said about it that it was a good run that was

was insane the last year that we got him holy shit man he was like you know this is harassment

this is terror what are terroristic territorial harassment he made up this is literally harassment

now can you calm down she's like yeah i'll calm down bitch wow once you tuck your clit back into

your shorts and calm down when they talk to guys all flirty on the phone like that i think they're

You're supposed to, on purpose.

She's like, females, no tip.

See ya.

Let's test the theory, Ken.

Go for it.

Yeah, Ken.

Okay.

I'm just not getting into the funnel, bitch.

Yeah, one of them caller ID things.

You wait for it.

Yeah, but hey, no problem.

Let me get the music on so I can change that real quick.

My friends.

Plot 7-2 is asking me, are we ever going to have a meetup?

I really hope so, man.

It's going to happen. I know it is.

We're going to at least get one big meet-up at some point.

We're all going to have a lot of fun.

It's going to be a big orgy.

We've leaned towards Chicago, but if we want to make it more of a prank call thing,

we can do it in New York.

I think we'll be a lot better off because we can get some local...

Some of the big names in prank calls are in New York, in the Northeast.

So it'd be a lot easier to get them to make appearances, even if we had to pay them.

Brad says he suggests a meet-up in Albany, Oregon.

gonna be there i could do albany i could do albany too yeah we should get him in there

milkman you're the one that's got the oh we'll do the west coast and then we all go out to eat

at the turkish kitchen oh shit you know what would be awesome is you do the order you know

what i would love if if this ever got to the point where we could do a tour that would be

cool for me like just i would like i would take a month and maybe go to like two cities a week

and do a show at each one that'd be kind of cool that'd be that'd be pretty fun yeah yeah and just

whoever's in the area can come to it you know that'd be so we're not there yet though i'm just

saying that'd be really awesome but when you're down there in the bay area you can find some

can be your keynote yeah keynote keynote keynote address by baz in seattle and we'll have a keynote

note in oregon by rbcp dude when would we hit up let's say if i said 10 locations i'm gonna have

to hit up san francisco chicago new york seattle those are four givens i think that leaves us with

six up in the airs all right we're going to canada oh yeah we do we gotta go to toronto let's say

oh yeah thank you yeah i get some pc bud all right there you go you just go to detroit and

then you hop the uh you hop the bridge right into canada there you go windsor

that's kind of scary though but yeah we can do a detroit show we'll go pick up dwight

yeah yeah joy why don't you drive dude i could go anywhere i'm like right on the

border of fucking michigan ohio indiana i'm like right in that reach and you're a border brother

uh-huh well fucking chicago is only three and a half hours from me yeah i used to drive there

all the time when my brother was in school down there and we go back to orlando i mean i could

go back to orlando do a show in my old home that'd be appropriate after that leaves us like two i

don't know where else we could go i don't know we'll put it up to a vote if that ever comes in

we can go to texas and we could walk into jds fucking dojo and be like hey fuck we go to texas

we might catch george rubbing it i don't know the only city in texas i would like to visit

is austin i think i hear in san antonio i hear good things about those two towns

austin seems to be really happening right now

it's kind of like more young or in it and not redneck it's bad everybody talks

gonna go to texas it's a cool place and you want to go to austin nice you remember when i told you

the other day that nova contacted me on skype was trying to figure out what the hell was going on

in this town yeah you said there were like three tornadoes or something yeah he ended up he ended

up the next day he's like dude i found out what happened like two tornadoes fucking ripped through

here i was like well your news station sucked because all he said was yeah we had a little

bit of a storm that's about it oh something that what chat room or you guys might be able to help

me out with and then we'll move on to some more prank calls and i i promise um in the early

I saw a doc, not a documentary, it was like a news piece on a group of people who were tornado, they refused to recognize the tornadoes, like tornado denialists.

And they were totally serious that tornadoes do not exist, that they're fabricated and that they're really just downburst or other types of things.

But the tornadoes do not exist in nature.

And it was not fake.

it was kind of serious it was not zany at all it wasn't the onion or something yeah it was on tv

at some point like i'd say around the time well i remember i was unemployed it was a period of

stretch of time i was unemployed so it would have been late 2001 early 2002 ish maybe around that

time maybe that's all i know but that was awesome dude yeah i would i want to hear that again just

that was before the show that predates the show there predates the show yeah around the time i

I started making recording pranks and putting them online, but not doing a show yet.

The good old days in the...

Nega cab, nega cab.

Nega cab and the dog that's choking.

Hey, prank calls, right?

Back to it.

Another Hooters.

Nice time going out, boy.

Neon, here's your chance at another Hooters.

I know you need a job.

Get that big old bologna tits.

Hello, headquarters.

This is Julia.

How may I help you?

Hi, Julia.

This is Stephanie.

How are you today?

Or this evening?

Great.

How about you?

Doing pretty good.

I am calling to see if you guys still have any positions open.

Always accepting applications.

So if you come on in, we'll give you an application.

You can fill it out.

Oh, okay.

Before I come in, I just wanted to know, like, maybe you can give me some insider info.

But how big should my bus size be in order to really work there?

It doesn't matter at all.

What is that?

It doesn't matter at all.

For real?

like it doesn't like you guys don't discriminate on like tiny mosquito bites versus large melon

ones i feel you okay um well what size are are pretty much the ladies that are working there

right now because i don't want to be too small i'm sure you'd be fine but i gotta get back to

work if you come on in we'll give you an application okay thank you uh do you guys do

extra extra small clothes oh shit extra extra small yeah they don't sell large or anything

like if you're a medium you're fat wow she's not into the hooters she wants to train in bras

hello hello okay i hope you man

let me try hooters i'm gonna try to think of a that south park episode where they were doing

the right where it was raisins for the kids the south park kids south park boys

always fell in love with me.

This is Dantana Leigh.

This is Bruce speaking.

How can I help you?

Oh, my God.

Hey, it's Alex.

How are you?

Hello.

How are you doing today?

Oh, I love coming in there.

Remember you sat down when you took my order and you sat down at the table?

Yes.

Do you want to make another order?

Yeah, because I love it.

Like when I sit down at the table, I love it when you sit down also to take my order

and you talk and everything.

So did you want to order any?

Yeah, one phoo.

What was that?

One phoo?

One food.

Foo.

One food.

Foo, foo.

I don't know what you're talking about.

We don't have that right now.

One wings.

You want wings?

Yeah, one wings.

Okay, can I have a name?

Oscar.

Alex.

Oscar.

You said Alex.

You're lying to me now.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Alex, Oscar.

Yeah, it's Oscar.

Okay, Oscar.

Okay, honey, baby.

Can I have a number?

I'm touching it.

Yeah, it's 213-

213-

332-

2014.

3014.

What was that?

332-2014.

014.

Yeah.

Okay, what would you like?

One wings.

With heat.

A 10-piece, 20-piece, or a 50-piece?

With heat.

Would you like a 10-piece, a 20-piece, or a 50-piece?

One and zero.

Okay.

Would you like that boned or boneless?

With heat.

I want them made with heat.

With heat?

Yeah, heat.

Like hot wings?

Yeah, I want them with heat.

With heat.

Yeah, heat wings.

wings okay hot wings yeah they have to be cooked like that you have to cook them with heat okay

would you like them um bonin or boneless oh fucking i don't know what do you think what's

the best what do you think fucking asshole um well i like boneless i don't know about you

oh yeah he's some mexican or ethnic what are you i'm hispanic that's funny that's too bad

Okay, so would you like that a bone-in or bone-less?

That's too bad that, you know...

Um, so, I'm trying to make an order here.

Okay.

So, do you want it bone-less or bone-in?

Uh, bone-in.

Bone-in?

Yeah.

Okay, with what kind of dressing?

Ranch or blue cheese?

Uh, French.

And you said you want it so hot, right?

No, I want you to cook it with heat.

You put it in a machine that has heat.

Okay, with what kind of sauce?

Uh, white sauce.

Um, white sauce?

We don't have white sauce.

No?

You know what?

I'm not trying to make up your order right here.

You're not cooperating with me.

You're fucking ridiculous mierda.

What was that?

You're fucking ridiculous mierda.

Okay, so what's your point?

Do you want to make an order or what?

Yeah, take a shit in a box and fry it and eat it.

Okay, then.

I order you.

Then I'll give it to you, right?

I order you, honey.

I make an order to you because I'm a man and you're a woman.

Okay, well, you can come and bring it in for me.

You're a woman showing her breasts.

All right, then have a good day.

Bye-bye.

Her private parts.

Yeah.

You can bring in a turd in a box and see what you're bringing in.

Don't say pues, that's Mexican.

Hey.

Pues is Mexican.

What do you mean pues?

I don't need to know pues.

You say callate, not callate pues.

Callate pues.

Shut up then.

Those guys are sick.

Ugh.

Central America.

That's bullshit Spanish.

You know who's Spanish really pisses me off is actual Spain Spanish.

I'm not trying to offend you, Neon Bro, but them motherfuckers don't have any respect for the language.

And they came up with it.

What are you talking about? They actually speak clearly.

They don't? Yes, they do.

Maybe you haven't been there.

What about the Castellanus?

That's because you're supposed to speak that way because the king

had a lisp.

And that's how it's supposed to be spoken.

There was a gay king.

The king right now.

Who's the king?

Oh, you don't even fucking know.

There's a new king, right?

It's King Juan Carlos.

No, he's gone. He stepped down.

Felipe!

This is kind of funny. I'm watching back and forth

like crosses avatars arguing with neons and then even mohammed ali is just like

well it's set up perfect too because crosses all the way to the left and she's on the right

separated by milkman and they fucking mohammed ali's like bitch i'll come over there

you come over there i'll treat you like a man can't find me a mike tyson avatar it's funny

okay ken has really good avatar skills that's why i asked him i could do it myself

um this one's for you so you can kiss my ass

respect on facebook uh we're getting a question from mike rollins what's the big announcement

the big announcement there is none i just that's a marketing employee that i came up with

on Facebook and Twitter to say that Carlito

and Milkman make a shocking announcement

live tonight on Madhouse Radio.

You have to keep tuning in

because you never know. There could be.

A little later we could make a special announcement.

Right, Milkman?

That's right. Stick around. We're going to make an announcement

shortly. Just hang in there. Hang in there.

Very shortly. Very shortly.

Probably another ten minutes or so.

Stick around and then stick it out.

My nipples are hard. Does that make me gay? Good question, self.

Here's another hooters.

Well, if you start sticking stuff in your ass, that's probably a problem.

I think it's just cold in here.

Aw.

They get like little fried salami pieces.

Oh, my God.

Can I help you?

Yeah, my nipples are cold and hard.

They look like little fried salami.

Okay, can you...

Okay.

Oh.

The same one that I called before.

Yes.

Oh, shit.

I thought it was a different chick.

I didn't get to say the whole thing about my nips.

She said give her a minute.

I hope they would say it's this thick.

My nipples could get soft and I can't warm up.

Thank you for calling Hooters.

I'll get to help you.

Yeah, my nipples, when they get cold, they look like little fried pieces of salami.

Okay.

Have you told your mom this?

Yeah.

Tell your mom this.

Call him.

She asked him?

Call him.

I see why.

Ken, you sent me the same number twice there, buddy.

I think.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I think some of them meant all in the 9464.

I must spell out something.

What does that spell out that they use whenever they can?

9464, I wonder.

I need to see a dial pad.

Nine, there'll be wings, I think, right?

Yep.

Nine, four, six, four, yeah.

That's one.

Anyway, we're good.

Anyway.

Chill, chill, chill.

How you doing there?

You hanging in, Ken?

Feeling good?

I'm hanging in, Ken.

Oh, good.

You neon, you all right?

Mm-hmm.

Man.

Look, man, look for that channel online.

You could probably watch your show.

Tokyo whatever it is.

Tokyo, what is it?

Tokyo TV Hour.

Yeah, I wish it.

Tokyo TV Hour.

Hey, honey, baby, how are you?

oh i'm good i was in there earlier and uh it was kind of cold you know kind of cold yeah it was

kind of cold you know the service the service in particular was kind of cold you know okay would

you like to talk to your manager then yeah because i like the girls to come actually sit down when

they take the order like sit down either next to me or across from me you know and she didn't hold

on one second let me get the manager for you all right honey baby it's fucking arm the swing arm

for the microphone came off again milkman why what did you do to it be careful dude it's there

so you won't hang yourself accidentally it's got a breakaway function shit now i dropped the

fucking ball shit uh-oh you dropped the ball buddy get out the speed lotion here comes dwight

behind me trying to take advantage keep on kicking it man oh fuck you keep that microphone in front

of you then yeah do not bend over in front of dwight or his dog how can i help you yeah don't

been over in front of dwight or his dog they're both humpy hello hello i think the word dwight

did it maybe she's an animal lover all right you guys here i'm going to call back you guys try to

talk while i try to fix the microphone saying because i have to and there's a link for an

avatar in there right mr cross thanks buddy i have to hold it so hang on here we go go ahead ken you

try it okay fix this piece of fucking yeah i need me i need to make an order to pick up i'm sorry

I need to make an order, so I come and pick it up.

Your name?

It's Dwight.

And the number which we can reach you?

Yeah, 212-145-3031.

I'm sorry, 212?

Yeah, 340-3231.

Do you mind repeating it again?

Because the first numbers were not the same as the second.

Jesus Christ.

It's 212-341-3231.

3231.

Okay, what would you like?

uh like what size wings do you got i want i want boneless so you want boneless you want 5 10 20 or

50 10 10 boneless okay and what type of sausage did i get tossed in i i want what do you got like

really hot i'm sorry i can't hear you're really hot really hot buffalo really hot buffalo really

hot yeah hot i want the hottest you got hot okay so dare okay did you want ranch or blue cheese

Ranch.

Ranch?

What kind of motherfucker gets blue cheese?

Did you want any curly fries, a lot to top, or anything?

Um, I want a breast.

I get it.

A breast.

I like the breast.

All right.

Yeah, I fixed it, too.

Look.

It's fixed.

Yeah, we can really see that.

Cool.

Can't you see it here?

Look on the phone.

All right, so here's my dilemma.

Here's what happened.

Since this is a madhouse, I get to talk a little bit.

Let's get the music going.

I got to share my dilemma.

Yeah, but the music's too loud.

it is one more time okay good talk what the hell is your avatar neon my cell phone my i have a

galaxy s3 i wanted to get galaxy note edge there's still no release date for it other than

october which is the month we're in um the galaxy note 4 it's going to be out like maybe about a

week and a half that i could actually pick it up etc etc or have it delivered however over the

Yeah, fuck that, don't.

Let's get the edge, man.

Yesterday over the weekend, I dropped my Galaxy S3 face down on concrete,

and it's completely webbed.

And I mean, yeah, again, and it's completely webbed.

And I went to try to check to see if I could still use it,

and I got glass shards in my finger.

And I tried, like, rubbing and sanding it down, and it'll cut you.

Seriously, it'll cut you really bad on your fingers if you try to swipe on it.

So I have to use it.

Well, there's screen protectors on the top of it.

I did that, and it's okay.

It's working, but I have an excuse to get a new phone.

So I got to wait.

It sucks because I could just get it.

I could just get an iPhone 6 Plus.

Dr. Ong suggests putting packing tape over the screen.

He said that'll get you through for a few weeks.

But right now I got my OtterBox screen protector.

the screen it's got the it's got a piece that goes over the screen and i can use it again

i had a search don't waste your time there man all right fine all right so that's what i was

thinking i was thinking about joining the dark side again the iphone oh fuck it hey it's still

underpowered hardware it's too expensive and it's underpowered it's always outmoded

because it's cheaper but i always use the older shit all right i hear a lot of queers down in

texas buy it all right it's all relaxed that's the phone dilemma that i got going right now

so i'm gonna i'm so i gotta and i don't want to get the galaxy note the new galaxy note because

it's because the edge is going to come out right after and that's going to be the most unique

looking fucking there dude and it's supposed to be touchable too that round edge is on the second

second screen that's what i'm saying it's good no one's gonna have a phone that looks like that

around anybody with their iphone that shit's gonna have a double screen phone either man that's gonna

be a second screen the curved screen no that's why i want to wait but fucking samsung won't hurry up

but they won't samsung won't at least give me a fucking date as to when the motherfucker's

gonna come out at least tell me when they just say october how long i gotta wait with a phone

that will break my fingers if i try to use it without a protector on it

never use it without a condom

always use a condom

wrap it up

Always wrap it up.

That's why I'm still around,

shiny-ass young lady.

But the truth is,

all the kids listening out there,

all the teens and preteens,

if you don't kiss during sex,

you can't get pregnant.

Remember that.

A little tip.

I heard pulling out

is a proven method, too.

Hard to get a cold.

There's your avatars there.

Cross those two links.

Take your choice.

Well, I was saving the first one.

The second one, I don't know what it is yet.

Don't send me bullshit, Dan.

I'll get mad.

No, it's not bullshit.

Oh, that's all right.

It's all right.

Well, he looks handsome.

Also, if anybody can get me an audiobook copy of Mike Tyson's biobook, his autobiography,

an audiobook version.

Does he narrate it?

No, he doesn't.

Someone else does.

That would have been good.

That would be priceless.

I would totally turn that into a video.

And then I'd bit his ear off.

I would pay for it if that was the case.

I walk around and I knock that motherfucker out.

Yeah.

His Broadway show is awesome.

I'll be intimidated.

Intimidated.

His Broadway show is out there.

You can watch it.

It's really good.

You fuck with my pigeons and it's going to be your ass.

Okay, look.

Shut up, guys.

Shut up, Carlitos.

Shut up, guys.

We're out of this Hooters Hill that we were hitting.

You're a fucking call clown.

7-Eleven time.

Ken, talk to 7-Eleven, eh?

These motherfuckers.

Customer survey.

me 7-11 or 7-1-1 7-11 7-11 there you go pick up bish be out on a smoke break corporate frowns

upon this nothing nothing nothing go to the next one don't worry we got another one don't worry

7-11-1-0-2-M-L-P yeah good evening uh this is mr mcclanahan calling from the corporate office how

are you tonight good what do you need good well i'm calling tonight to do the random customer

customer survey uh we're calling to engage with a customer to do a quick survey and in return for

their time we will give them a free slushie or fountain pop so may i speak with a customer in

your store sorry they never tell us there's such thing as survey over the phone and i'm not allowed

to use our personal business phone this isn't personal business ma'am i'm calling from the

corporate office and i'm supposed to do the survey and what is your name mcclanahan do you mind give

Give me a call back in two minutes, and I will answer your...

I don't understand what calling you back in two minutes is going to do.

This survey will take no longer than two minutes.

Because I have to get in touch with my manager before I do that.

I cannot do anything other than my manager's permission.

You see, I've called all across America, the mainland, and also in Hawaii,

and I always seem to have a problem with you people here in Hawaii.

Yeah, because Hawaii is different, and they have to strictly policy.

We cannot just do something over the phone other than inform your manager before you do something.

All I'm trying to do is ask a customer their satisfaction of purchasing items in your store.

I just want to ask them about the cleanliness of your store and how satisfied they were with your performance.

I kindly ask you, if you could just give me two minutes, if you call back, I will have all the answers to your call.

All right, you listen here.

Two minutes.

If I call back, you have no answers.

I want to speak with a customer.

Thank you.

Mind me, call back in two minutes.

Come back.

What kind of answer is she going to get from just

this old McClanahan called

Should I Do This?

We'll call back.

Alright, look, 7-Eleven, a different one.

It's most definitely pronounced

pop, not soda.

Please, don't get me started.

Hello? I actually didn't believe you.

Yeah, don't get me started. It's not pop.

Neon's going to get into her

fucking syrup rant again, too.

Oh, God.

Yeah, see? The chat room agrees with you.

It's fucking...

Which one was that?

11.30.

I do agree. Some people that

used to call everything you would get

Coke. Whether it was a Pepsi

or a Mountain Dew, it was Coke. Let's go get a Coke.

Yeah, pretty much.

Ubiquitous, yeah. Coke.

Unless you were wanting to get something flavored.

You would have called Coke for orange sodas.

Or Dr. Pepper.

I want to go to Wendy's

and try that fucking new pulled pork sandwich

which i got they got a pulled pork too there was one at burger king it was actually pretty good

yeah they get a they get a pulled pork but i don't want the fucking coleslaw that's on the

top of it but they like to choose from like three different sauces like a sweet smoky and a spicy

and uh they also have a burger like it's a burger patty and then they put the fucking

pulled pork on top of that yeah yeah fat meat shit stuff to give you a heart attack i love it

did you i i think i called the arby's once but i think select yeah select stores are doing that

mountain of meat or whatever it's called some kind of big mountain did i really burn through

all the um what's going on here oh i had we didn't do any of the red group things we didn't

do i had some hotel check-ins in there too why am i ending oh boy music's taking a shit hang on

give me a second i'm panicking listen i'm saying arby's has this mountain of meat sandwich now

Yeah, it's like every single meat that they have in the restaurant on two buns.

It's like a massive amount of fat and sodium probably and calories, but...

Yeah, I think Hardee's had one like that too.

Yeah.

Like brisket and pulled pork.

They had like a whole bunch of shit on it.

Yeah.

Anyway.

It's time to call that a 7-Eleven bag.

Okay.

I'm getting it.

7-Eleven.

I'm going to put this bitch on report.

important you gotta call carl's juniors if you like that man carl's juniors is the ultimate it's

like it's like hardy's on steroids man i mean see i don't even have a heart i don't have a carl's

junior around here and i don't have a hardy's all the hardys are in fucking truck stops right they

do on the west coast out here you never i've never heard of the carl's junior but back east

they call them hardys but i'm telling you out here it's just like the next level yeah you know

Well, Carl's Jr. and Hardee's are the same thing.

It's just like, I love Rally's.

Rally's and Checkers are the same fucking thing.

Yeah, it's the same thing, but they've got different numbers on each.

I love Rally's.

I'm a fan, but this is beyond, above and beyond, man.

Carl's is definitely kicking ass.

Yeah, that's something I don't have around here is a Rally's or a Checkers anymore.

That was something I lost in my move from Florida.

Luckily, there's one Hardee's in this team.

Yeah, but you've got White Castle's, don't you?

No, no White Castle's around here.

Listen, look, I have no White Castle.

and no crystal now.

At least in Florida I had crystals.

Now I don't even have that.

What's that?

Or Sonics?

You don't even have Sonics either?

Yeah, there is Sonics.

They sell neon.

That's barely a placement.

Sliders.

In northern Michigan,

there's this place on I-75 called Tony's,

and you go in there and order like a fucking BLT.

They use a pound of bacon

to make you a fucking BLT sandwich.

Wow.

It's just a massive amount of food.

like you get you order like hash browns or whatever potatoes they end up with like two

pounds of fucking potatoes on your plate wow they got like a sliders restaurant right there

in the castor like by castro and market right there by homosexual central dude it's called

sliders it's called sliders i'm not kidding man it's like castro and market i mean you can look

it up it's like like within like 100 feet within less than 500 feet it's not even a castro on 18th

Oh, you're fucking...

Castro and Marga, it's called Sliders, and it's open late.

I don't know if it's open now, but yeah, it probably still is.

Oh, shit. Sliders, huh?

Sliders, hey, girlfriend.

Did we call the 7-Eleven back?

Oh, not yet.

Oh, shit. Sorry.

She may have answered while we were talking to Nos.

I think this is the right one.

My bad.

We don't even have a Sonic around here.

No?

Yeah, but see, that's the thing.

I complain about this, but Sonic, I haven't even been to since I came up here.

I haven't been to much.

I want to try it, but there's just not even one around here.

They're okay.

I mean, their drinks are really cool.

Like, their frozen drinks are cool.

I can't have them, but I can.

Excuse me, McClanahan from the corporate office.

What can you tell me?

Hello?

Yeah, McClanahan from the corporate office.

What can you tell me?

Sorry, sir.

I cannot hear you.

You can hear me.

Oh, is this her?

So did you call the manager?

Did you get authorization?

For what?

Did you get authorization so I could do the customer survey?

I'm with the corporate office at 7-Eleven, and I'm calling to do the weekly customer survey.

Yes, can you hear me, ma'am?

I'm sorry, our manager is not in right now.

Well, that's just fine.

I just need to speak to a customer so I can get the survey done so I can go home for the evening.

Okay.

So if I can speak to one of the customers, do a quick two-minute survey, they will receive a free soda pop.

Free?

Yeah, a fountain soda pop.

See?

You see that neon?

hung right up on me as soon as I said soda.

That's on you.

Wait, where are you calling?

This is in Hawaii.

It's neutral. They don't have it.

They probably call it kakoha or something.

There's no soda there.

They don't call it pop.

I feel vindicated.

They actually hung up because it sounded stupid.

They call it kakoha.

They call it coca leaf water.

Okay.

Well, sorry,

Sorry, Mr. Dwight McClanahan, that did not seem to pop off like we wanted it to pop off.

Sorry, I'm evil.

Well, if I said pop, it would have popped off.

Oh, shit.

I made an appropriate comment.

I didn't even know I did that.

Wow.

I didn't realize I said pop until you said pop after.

Or you're reading G-Ad's story and you're popping people off again.

Oh, shit.

G-Ad's stories, man.

I think I can.

Yeah, that was over the...

What's up?

7-Eleven, Kapalama, good evening.

Go ahead, Kev.

Hello.

Good evening.

This is Mr. McClanahan calling from the corporate office here on the mainland.

Hello.

Yes, ma'am.

Can you hear me?

Yes, sir.

Hello.

Yes, this is Mr. McClanahan calling from the corporate office on the mainland.

Uh-huh.

I'm calling to do the weekly customer survey.

I need to speak with one of your customers so I can do a quick two-minute survey.

survey in in return for their uh for their compliance i will also uh get them a free

fountain pop and that'll be free for them to enjoy sir could you call back uh uh later on sir

i know i must do this now so i can go home and see my two-month-old child oh so i must i must

speak to a customer now it'll be only two minutes and then they can have a free uh sir sorry uh we

don't have a customer now i don't appreciate you uh telling me inconsistent stories i do hear a

customer behind you hello can you hand the uh the customer the phone please i think she dropped sir

because she's a bitch yeah she did and yes i realized i said two months you rolled but fuck

you oh i was i was confused with the fountain pop fountain pop sounds ridiculous sir that's

because you were howley you wouldn't understand whatever i got news for you that you are the

the only howly on this call milkman milkman is is japanese uh neon hispanic i'm hispanic and

you're the howly what do you got in you there are you uh irish no you're not irish i'm gonna

guess you're like german or something polsky no i'm actually uh english and i've got actually

some indian like from india you can tell you can tell native native not not dot on the head

Yeah, are you Wawa Indian or Dothead Indian?

Sorry?

Are you, like, Feather Indian or Dothead Indian?

Feather and what?

Never mind. Ken, go ahead.

I need to speak to one of your customers.

This is security from the corporate office.

She dropped.

I think it's just any time I get on the phone,

they're like, fuck this.

Carlito, you said earlier that that one guy,

Chris from Lowe's or something that you usually call,

you said, does he wear the feather hat?

feather hat you're talking about the headdress or something i forgot what that's called does

it have a name it's a headdress it is headdress i thought there was a name for like tpe headdress

i said feather hat apache headdress yeah hi i'm calling from the corporate office i need to do

the weekly customer survey do you have a customer i can speak with really i think they got the memo

in this i don't think they understand like fuck the hell these even though in hawaii they're

probably one company that owns all

the 7-Elevens and just licenses it

on the island. I don't know, it seems like they're having

a problem hearing you guys.

You think? Yeah, because they're like

I can't hear you, I can't hear you. And it could be that

it's just Hawaii, because I think we run into that

quite a bit, calling over there that just the connection

is bad. Yeah.

Alright, just call the spam lead.

Do you think it's a spam?

They love that spam over there, man.

Damn that note.

I know, right? That was a high

I'm a trumpet

player, so

that's the shit. I wanted to play

like this, and I could if I would have practiced,

but then I got into football. I was like, fuck band.

Did they give up the tonguing, man? I was first

year until I started playing football and

wrestling. I was like, I don't care anymore.

You were a wrestler, sir?

For one year. I actually did pretty good. I got my

letter, varsity letter as a freshman

in wrestling. Hey, I bet. Right, good.

I read the letter also.

I'm out of here. You guys are jocks.

Bye. Bye.

I was all state wrestling.

Yeah, I know, I know.

And your kid wrestles too, right?

And not anymore.

Now he's fucking lazy.

He just wants to play the Xbox.

Well, all that too.

Any master bitch.

Probably.

Oh, hell!

Can I help you?

Yes, hi.

I'm calling from the corporate marijuana office.

I'm calling to see if we could do the customer survey.

Hello?

Yeah, I'm calling from the 7-Eleven corporate office.

My name is Bill.

How are you?

Pretty good.

Good.

Uh, Bill, I'm calling with 7-Eleven corporate in Southland.

From where?

Southland.

Yes, I need to do the customer survey.

Do you have a customer I can speak with?

They actually get a free $20 gift certificate to 7-Eleven.

Not right now. We don't have it right now.

Yeah, you have a customer. I can hear them right there.

No, my coworker.

Motherfucker. I hear you checking someone out.

Hello?

I hear you checking someone out, motherfucking...

Hello?

I'm going to call her Kooky Baby now.

Do it.

Wait there.

Hello, 7-Eleven. I'm in a road. May I help you?

Hi, different person, kooky baby, kooky, kook, kookoo, kookoo babe.

I'm Sammy Davis Jr., kookoo babe.

What is that?

You are a kook.

All right.

I think that kook word has promise.

I think it does.

We should call Charlie that.

You know our friend Charlie?

Haven't talked to him in months, man.

Yeah, they don't seem to like the kook thing, man.

That's a pretty big put down.

Indeed.

Thanks for teaching us that milk, man.

We learn something every week with you, buddy.

I fucking miss Charlie.

Fuck.

I do, too.

Maybe we'll catch up with him on Thanksgiving.

Maybe we'll give him a call, see how he's doing.

He's always in a good mood on the holidays when the stores close.

I think it's just, I think it's the restaurant that stresses him out, you know?

Seriously.

He seemed to be in a good mood when they were closed and I talked to him

and when he was golfing and I talked to him.

Hey, have you heard anything from Jen Stewart?

Is he still training for the Olympics or is he anywhere in country these days?

Still not interested in prank calls, he says, and still training,

He's training, but he's back in his home country for now.

Okay, all right.

I was just curious, man.

Let me open.

I can tell you.

Let me look at WhatsApp.

See.

Actually, it's been a while.

I haven't heard from him since September 10th.

I'm not kidding.

That's not a joke.

September 10th was the last.

Probably got a girlfriend again.

What's that?

I'm sorry.

Probably got a girlfriend again, man.

No, I think he's really serious about the training.

It's pretty much his last shot because of his age to qualify.

Last training.

For real.

He's excited about real.

and he was pretty embarrassed in his home country last time.

I guess he fell out of, I don't know if I should be talking about this,

he kind of fell out of favor with some of the members of the governing board

of his sport in the archery Olympic committee for England

or whatever it is, the governing body.

So the mayor didn't quite care for some of it, huh?

Well, there were some hijinks, I guess, with drinking and stuff later on

and a little bit of a ruckus.

Luckily, they didn't break down the media.

They must have got him with one of the Clever Carrier girls.

I don't know.

I hear that Olympic Village is always an orgy.

That's what I hear.

I mean, when you think about it, you've got a bunch of young, mostly single athletes

that look, you know, probably all attracted to each other because they live the same lifestyle.

Those highly athletic girls, you know, they don't, they start to skip periods, right?

No, they don't.

They stop that because a lot of them don't have as much fat on their bodies,

so they it actually it goes dormant but that doesn't mean that the drive goes away

and neon is a chick she knows she has a sex drive a woman's sex drive a ferocious one she

had it installed and everything all right more 7-elevens then ken what do you think i'd like to

do some of these roommate ones okay look at these free master bedroom for a nice hit a daddy dog

there you go do that all right so a free master bedroom for a good person if you can't afford the

rent whoa in la is it a hippie murderer yeah turn on the white devil during that yeah the

sharon tate house can't keep people in that there's a picture the guy who kind of looks like

bordo oh is this the one by the white devil yeah this is a white guy oh damn milkman you don't

even need anything over your voice i know he doesn't it's scary it is well there's one for uh

For Neon, Daniel, $150 looking for a woman companion to live with him.

I was looking for a mommy.

It's a random black dude.

Looking for a mommy.

To live here, I could be DDD free.

Disease, trauma, drugs free.

You're looking for some man.

Gordo says it doesn't look like him.

It is him.

Please leave your message for plumbing access.

Yeah, but he's got plumbing access.

for assets he's got access in his ass crack he's like here's the access call me connect your pipe

to me yeah he's got plumbers crack i am jimmy hendrix moving on to the next one daniel who's

looking for a woman companion in los angeles that sounds like a neon yeah that's the black dude

he's a black where's that where is it in la does it say uh i'm pulling it up it should be los

Los Angeles.

Yeah, it's Los Angeles.

That is only.

It says, hello, my name is Daniel.

I have a room to rent.

I'm renting out.

And I want a woman to come live with me.

I'm in Los Angeles, yo.

Oh, he's got a lazy eye.

Look at this picture he posted.

Let me see the picture for you, Niall.

Holy shit.

White master.

He's got a lazy eye.

Here comes the picture, Niall.

He's got a KDK lazy eye, bro.

There's the picture.

He wants you to come live with him, yo.

Oh, my God.

It looks like a skinny Notorious B.I.G.

Oh, shit, man.

This guy.

Oh, shit.

Go get him, Neon.

I hope he picks up.

His name?

Daniel.

Post a link for...

Sorry.

Fish up.

I have reached the voicemail box.

All right.

Just based on his eye, I'm calling it again.

Dude, $150?

What the fuck?

I bet he's totally, like, squatting this place.

I think I hit the head with a cop when I was six years old.

they call me fisher should save it though yeah he's definitely dwight saved that for the next

show because it says it was just posted like four hours ago so this is pretty brand new unless he's

already filled post a picture in the chat though man that's a great picture awesome

yeah definitely offer that to whoever needs a number for a show next during the week

that looks promising all right the next one room for share 320

Hi, I'm looking for Bryant.

Hi, I thought I heard a female voice.

How are you?

This is Eddie.

I live in El Monte.

I'm living in my car right now.

I saw you had a room for Cher.

Yeah.

What are the rules you got for, like, using the bathroom?

You guys just got out.

So you got to go out every week.

Are you interested in renting for yourself or with someone else?

Well, it's for Cher, right?

Because I don't want to be alone.

Well, it's up to you.

You have two options.

one is for share or one is the whole room what's the whole room then damn it uh i have i have the

price listed up there well i see room for share 320 but that's this is one price if you read down

you'll see the option that i give don't i'm sorry i'm sorry i didn't read everything like that i'm

sorry oh that's okay 620 for two months two for two people i'm sorry 620 this is a lot of rules

to this huh like a lot of um yeah um so i'm not sharing with you no it's it's uh if you

want to share i have to find another person to uh take half of the room but if it's by yourself

if you want to take the whole room then you can take it by yourself but if you you have bad

sinuses oh you have bad sinuses honey yeah right now i'm a little sick right now oh yeah that's bad

I'm sorry.

Here, I'm going to share it with my wife.

Let me put her on, and she'll talk all dirty and stuff and get you real excited.

hello hi hi hi um so you'd rather

you'd rather my husband and i come in and share the room um it's up to you guys i i listed what

What I listed on my app is very clear.

I give people options for which one they're interested in.

I'm sorry.

I don't have the article in front of me.

I thought it would be just a little bit better just to speak with you directly.

Okay.

So it's $3.20 for a weekend if you're willing to share.

If you want to rent half the room, basically, for one person.

or $520

if you want to get the whole room

for one person.

But there's going to be two of us there.

Every two of you guys is $620.

$620.

So how long have you lived at this place?

I lived here more than a decade.

Really? Do you have cameras and all that

mirrors?

No. Why would I do that?

Oh, I don't know.

Do you do something illegal?

No, no. I'm just wondering.

I like to put on a show.

What show?

Well, when I'm fucking my man, I like to put on a show, buddy.

So if you've lived there for a decade, wouldn't you want to watch?

I mean, we only have one room.

Maybe you could knock a couple bucks off the rent.

No, do you like to watch or do you like to just participate?

You're not interested?

You're not interested in girls or you're not interested in anything?

Are you asexual?

You don't like anything with sex?

No, not that, but you are married.

Mary, I don't like to touch Mary with a married couple relationship.

Do you want to watch?

It's okay with me.

We do this.

And you could just watch.

That's what we want.

You could maybe shout out something you might want for us to do.

No, it's cool.

You got to get over that sinus thing.

You got to get that checked out, though.

You can't do anything until you get that fixed because, yeah, she's pregnant.

She's pregnant, so.

So, actually, right now, I'm staying right now.

So if you're interested, I'm available on Thursday.

If you guys want to stop by and check it out.

I don't know if I can wait that long.

I'm sorry.

I guess we're not compatible.

How do you know we're not compatible?

You haven't even seen us yet, especially me.

I got an ass that doesn't quit, buddy.

She has a nice ass.

Oh, my God.

And she's pregnant.

Do you like pregnant girls?

She's pregnant.

That's weird.

Is this a prank or something?

No, she's lactating, buddy.

You like that?

She's lactating already.

It might be good because you might, you know, it might be good to have a mother and a milf, you know, in with you.

She's already producing milk. It's hot.

Okay, I've got to go. This is weird.

Did it get hard yet? Is that what it was?

Is it hard?

You should ask your husband that.

Oh, his is always hard, honey.

Well, thank you very much. If you guys are interested, contact me on Thursday.

I think you sound pretty interested. I think you're trying to play a little hard to get here, but there's no reason to hide, honey.

Don't be shy.

You know what?

I'll bring all my friends, and it'll be fan-fucking-tastic.

Yeah, don't be shy, honey, baby.

Yeah, it's very weird.

Oh, it won't be weird.

You know you have those mirrors and those cameras up for a reason.

He's like, I got to go.

I got to go handle it.

Honey, where are you?

Good call, good call.

All right, next, we have a shared room for rent in Hawaii.

Matthew is offering it for $630 an hour to share a 1,500-square-foot home.

Or 1,500-square-foot room, I'm sorry.

$630.

Man, is that expensive there to live, huh?

For a room, yeah.

Gee, you'd expect it, though.

quick look at the ad before i dial it if you don't mind

for someone to take over the lease of a shared room and a four-bed two and a half bath town

holy crap it's gonna be a lot of people five other occupants in the house including

this person all college students who are they guys or chicks

we're looking for a gang rape we'll tell them we're adult vloggers and then we want to make

Make sure we have to have cameras.

Uncle Runkle.

Voice message.

Goodbye.

What was that?

We've been automatically forwarded to an automatic voice message.

Goodbye.

All right.

Sorry.

Try that again.

Because that sounds like an awesome setup.

To an automatic voice message system.

Okay, never mind.

Next.

Big Ted has a room in Waiapahahoo.

Shared bathroom.

Upstairs bedroom.

all utilities included four-bedroom three-bath house married couple was

living there yes how you have a room there for rent I do okay great my wife

and I were can we all is it can it be two people my wife and I can we stay no

just for singles or married couples we're a married couple you were married

married and you're married oh because we are and my wife and i and just we have one bedroom that's

all we have for rent right now please we're living on the street and we don't have anywhere to wash

ourselves and masturbate or anything like that i'm sorry sir all right we um my wife just got

arrested for masturbating

your kid can watch his fuck oh god damn it quite do i don't quite can oh gross see that's what i'm

saying go ahead neon take over if he picks up neon you ever have fideos

neon would have that guy's wife like eating your her pussy in like a week

okay the next number is marco he has something for rent so i guess all the recommendations i've

gotten tonight are to stick with my broken galaxy s3 with the screen protector on it and then

then get the weight holdout for the galaxy note edge right what the hell are garnachas

garnachas i never heard of it i never heard of that shit either never had a garnach i don't

know what the hell that means sounds like a trap sounds like a joke californian spanish

sounds like a joke my cousin would tell me to make me say something really stupid in front

of my family like hey say bronca three times i'm like everyone's laughing at me like what

Oh, cabrón, cabrón, cabrón.

Look at that awesome TV this fucking has.

Strobe tier of carpet.

Hello, cabrón.

Yeah, hi.

I see you have a $600 island colony.

No, it's Francis Hardy.

What?

Francis.

You fucking asshole.

I'm going to get you from your number now, boy.

Yeah, fuck you, motherfucker.

I wanted to stay there, you fucking asshole.

I'm coming to get you, pussy boy.

Yeah, come on, Marco.

I know where you live now.

I'm tracing you.

I got your number.

I got your number, too.

too. I traced it before I called.

Where are you at?

Huh? Thought you knew already.

You're at Seaside Avenue, 445.

I already traced it and checked you out

and everything. I pulled your records and everything,

your papers. You're over by the golf course.

Meet me, 5-4.

Meet me at the golf course.

The entrance to the golf course.

It's right downstairs.

Alright, motherfucker. I'm going to go there.

Yeah, you ready to get fucked?

I'll make this motherfucker suck my dick.

I'll make this fuck my dick.

Is your sister there so we can fuck her, too?

lost him he's gone any second it will go there it goes it will go that

that was marco everybody want to call him back he might get yeah call him back yeah

what a stupid name

no

He's like Carla.

No?

Hey, what's your fucking problem, asshole?

Are you coming?

Yeah, I'm going to be coming.

I'm going to come downstairs in the lobby,

and you're going to have a mouthful of Dwight meat in your fucking mouth.

Yeah?

Yeah, I'm going to come up there, and I'm going to go fuck you silly.

When? No, when, fat boy?

When? You give me five minutes, I'll be over there.

Do you like men or do you like girls?

Because I'll step right in there.

That's a trick question.

He loves to fuck men.

No, let him answer.

Let him go.

What do you want, Marco?

Shut up and hurry up, you fucking creep.

You want to play Marco Polo naked?

Creepy crawlers.

What's the matter, Marco?

Why'd you get all quiet when I got on the phone?

You feeling emasculated there, you little bitch?

Creepy crawlers.

What does that mean?

Creepy crawlers.

I don't know.

He doesn't even know.

He's got a fucking AstroTurf fucking carpet there so he can splooge on his roommate and shit.

It's a shitty, stinky toy from the 90s.

Creepy crawler.

Is that what your mama told you?

You're a genetic disaster.

You guys are retarded.

You're a fucking biological burden fucker.

That's what he used to call his mom when she snuck into his room at night and fucked him.

She was a creepy crawler.

Burned Neon.

I thought it was a sister, right?

High five Neon.

Burned.

Mainland scum.

Mainland scum on the phone.

How do you know I'm on the mainland, motherfucker?

Hurry up, losers.

Just get down there.

You know what?

Why don't you find us?

I thought you knew where we were at, bitch.

Bitch, you don't know fucking shit.

Where are you at?

I bet at night...

You knew where we were, huh?

Come and find us, bitch.

I bet at night him and his roommate push those two beds together and they just suck.

Stupid Howley.

Crazy callers.

I have audio of them.

You're going to swim in the big pool, fucker, eh?

I have audio of them fucking...

You know Dog the Bounty Hunter?

No, play it.

He's got audio of him and his roommate fucking.

His roommate's name is Bill, apparently.

Marco and Bill.

You know what I look like?

Yeah, we saw you in this video.

I'm a big boy

Come down there

So I can

So I can reach you

We're coming

Okay

I'm almost there

I'm in the lobby

Motherfucker

Later creepy crawlers

Alright

What the fuck was

Creepy crawlers

Like I said

It was that stinky toy

That you mix all the stuff

And it made these creepy things

And they stunk really bad

In the 90s

Mid 90s

Around there

oh i heard that creepy crawlers is from charles manson maybe two i don't know that's what what

you say wait a minute they they used to break into people's houses and move their furniture

that was the manson clan that i'm talking to my husband over here so he was saying he's like oh

you guys are a bunch of creepy crawlers so i want to see what wonderland is that on netflix

that's a good fucking movie what movie is that wonderland it's about the um the murder the

the wonderland murders oh hell no i think i saw that movie was disgusting is that the one with

val kilmer yes oh my god i was like seriously like when he oh god the point at which he's

murdering this one person i think it was a chick she's like oh no maybe it's a guy he hits him in

the head like front in the head with a with an axe yeah yeah and then the guy doesn't die right

away yeah so he has to keep beating him and beating and beating and it's just so gruesome

and it was a real story look okay good um i don't want to watch it because it's not on netflix

that is a good movie though you were scared of it you don't like scary i know you know what i'm

okay on the scary movies but it was just um it was just really gross because you heard the guy

screaming and it was gory too much gore i yeah a little too gory yeah there you go okay that

that should be a date night movie oh yeah first date first day i went out i went on the first

date once to one of the to bride of chucky that was a very poor choice of life i was oh my god i

was 19 i didn't know any better i took her to see bride of chucky great idea right did you get to

talk to her afterwards or she's late no that was the last time i saw her and you can't blame her

when your face date is it takes you to see a movie maybe she got creeped out because it says

this bride of chucky you said you were like gonna propose or something yeah you call you chucky

no no she could because i'm carlos exactly

who's the red roof by the way heard the music and hung up we'll try again with no

damn next one

that's not appealing like ah manteca unless they mean heroin yes maybe that's what mexicans call

heroin right i don't know you would know why would i know that's like saying you're white

speaking of mexicans i'm meeting thank you to your people you can call me white this one

no problem no i don't think you know because i think the whitest person here is probably dwight

yeah i think the whitest host would be brad or jack who would it be jack well jack at least knows

about pop culture and stuff you know like no he doesn't he doesn't well okay fine he doesn't

okay brad's the whitest white person i think brad is the whitest of the white

of the hosts thank you for calling the red roof in chicago downtown to reach a guest press one

One. To reach group sales.

Just says Brad has a nigga pass.

To reach a guest, press one.

To reach group.

One. One.

That entry was not valid.

To reach a guest.

Two.

The letters you entered were not correct.

Before we can transfer you, please enter the...

That's a dial by name thing.

Now they're getting smart, huh?

They figured it out.

Here's another one.

Where did everybody go?

we're in here in our talk or the chat yeah there's like nobody talking uh-oh you asked for it

mr clay thank you for calling the red roof in chicago willowbrook to reach a guest press one

for reservations press two for directions to this property press three to a guest service

representative press four hey how you doing young man good can you trust me

into her room i'm with transportation and i'm gonna have these names i just have no that i have

to pick up this guy okay um what's the matter do you understand english sorry did you understand

yes okay okay what's what's the room 112 thank you multitasking neon oh sorry can you hear it

yeah no big deal it's kind of cool that was it is that milkman oh it's dwight's keg there's

whatever it is hello you've reached red roof in message center oh fuck yes poop on them josh

says hey everybody i'm doing my eagle protect monday thursday from what blah blah blah

at the playground of dreams okay whatever some kind of scout thing this is a kid

is this a child he's got a cell phone so he's old enough to be called okay fair enough i have

have no idea what that is dust bernadette my beautiful dark twisted fantasy what is that

that's kind of i want to call you west album i don't know i only heard his singles here and there

that's a good album hello hello josh hello my fucker oh man so this is unc really is

uncorrect that it's his eagle or is he just speculating it's his eagle project

shit all i do are you on a calculator or typing something on the pc um i have a i have a laptop

but i have a i have a keyboard because it's too hard to these laptops are crappy josh josh josh

yeah hi you do are you doing you're doing your eagle project yes and what do you need us to do

for you honey baby who is this oh my name is eddie i heard the call that a fellow eagle scout needed

some help for his eagle project i'm going to come out you need some clothing what are you doing

First of all, who is this?

Eddie, Eddie.

This number is from Eddie who?

Eddie Cross.

The BSA gave a call out to all the Eagle Scouts in the area.

Oh, okay.

Possibly come out to help.

Okay.

God damn it.

Okay.

Listen.

For some reason, it showed up in Hawaii.

I was like, what?

Yeah, well, listen, I'll tell you one thing.

That's not the way an Eagle Scout talks on the phone.

That's right.

Okay.

Anyway, go ahead.

So, one part of this is, I have these trash cans that the town of Arlington provided me with, and what I'm doing is turning them to a concrete pad around the area we have called the Hughes Park.

Yes, yes. I know exactly. So we're going to work on that. We're going to improve that?

Yeah, yes, sir.

oh right great all right yeah i'm definitely going to come out to help you out i'll try to

be there as much as i can um how old are you sir young man i'm 17 damn that's a shame you know

how how would you like to do some extra credit work for me and i can sign off on all this stuff

for you i'll just sign off on it for you okay i have a i'm tasked i'm tasked by the bsa um

I'm with Section 13 of the Eagle Scouts.

I don't know if you know, ever heard of us.

Not a lot of people have.

Yeah, we're more like the, we're kind of like the CIA for the Boy Scouts, basically, if you want to think about it that way.

Yeah, so we're going after, I don't know if you ever heard of the Sons of Italy.

Yeah, so we're, yeah, we're going to, we have an operation going on against them.

And what we're going to do, actually, is we're going to send you back in time to prevent a meeting between two members of the Gatrioto family.

And what's going to happen is you're going to actually find yourself and touch yourself.

And there's a 30% chance that when you touch yourself that your matter will cancel out with itself and you will actually disintegrate.

Okay.

Is this something you're willing to do?

We're going to send you back in time.

We have a time machine.

This has been possible for a lot of years now.

There's a time war that's been going on.

I don't know if you knew.

You probably haven't been told yet.

The Eagle Scouts are on the front lines of the time crisis, time war.

There's time bandits out there that take hits out on Eagle Scouts all the time.

And then we'll probably be sending you back and forth in time a few times on different kinds of missions.

Yeah.

So if you're good with that, we're going to sign off on all the stuff, get your ritual done, turn you into an Eagle Scout.

Here, I can get that done in about two weeks for you.

You don't have to worry about doing anything.

And I'll have you go ahead and come into my office, and we'll start your training.

By the time you're 18, you'll be a full member of Section 13, and we'll go ahead and send you in your first mission back.

um probably it's going to be back into the 1920s so we'll probably give you like clothing for the

20s and teach you how to talk and all that kind of stuff all right buddy all right all right well

listen don't tell anyone about this because if like the world knew that there was like a war

going on a like a time war it would be really bad if that information got out you know come

and just think about all of history being changed and you never even knowing about it you would

would never even be here you know yeah yeah as long as it's like a year um well the original

order was founded in 1820 and then uh and then this this order started uh the same year that the

bsa was founded all

All right.

The time war started in the 1950s, right before the Korean conflict started.

Yeah, yeah, big time war.

Are you scared? Don't be scared, all right? It's all right.

You're going to be a hero.

You're going to get so much pussy when you're 18.

Anything you want, cigars.

Would you repeat that, would you say?

You're going to get so much pussy when you're 18.

You're going to get cigars and stuff like that.

We'll get you anything.

We'll get you all the different kinds of cars and stuff.

You don't even have to go to college.

We'll get you the degree in whatever you want.

We'll just get you the degree, and you don't even have to learn it.

Yeah.

You can, I mean, if you want, you can retire, become a senator, get a job in a post office, stuff like that.

Right.

Okay.

All right.

All right, and now I'm going to put the queen mother of the local scout troop,

and she's in charge of getting you fitted for your new uniform

and also for your time agent uniform also,

what you're going to wear to go back in time with.

All right, go ahead, Neon.

How are you doing, sir?

I'm doing good.

Good, you're doing well.

Thank you.

That's not how you speak to Queen Den Mother.

You're doing well.

You must learn that.

You must learn how to speak politely.

And correctly, if you're going to be in this faction.

Do you understand?

Yes, ma'am.

Okay, that's what I like to hear.

Okay, so you need to come in and be fitted, don't you?

I do.

Okay.

Are you a big boy?

A tall, skinny boy?

Yeah.

Which one?

Big boy.

You're a big boy?

Yes.

Are you big boy all over?

Yes.

Okay, all right.

Because everybody that comes into this den has to be tried up by the Queen Mother.

Do you know what I'm saying?

Yes.

so when you come by and you get fitted for your uniform you're gonna have to strip down all the

way and you're gonna have to stand there while i watch i want to take a look at what you got

because we don't just let anybody in here do you understand fuck you guys tell me he's 17 after

that i would thought you knew you was seven shit i didn't hear it oh shit damn it yeah you need to

go to meet spin that comment sign as a fucking sexual predator we're gonna put you on the list

I was like, she sure is getting awfully familiar with this 17-year-old.

I just saw Unk's thing say, hey, 17-year-old, oh, fuck.

Yeah, I was like, wait a minute, she doesn't know?

No.

I was just letting you turn it up.

I was going to say, I think you made that guy's night.

I'm going to be a time agent.

It's like that fucking pimple kid that's always in The Simpsons.

Oh, God, that's awesome.

Oh, I feel so dirty.

Oh, man.

He's having a good old time with that.

Probably going to...

I don't know.

He's kind of slow.

He thought he was going fucking back in time.

So, can I ask you a question?

When did this order get founded?

It's like, whatever.

When was the founding time war?

On the front lines.

It's like, sorry, kids.

Sorry to let you know what this is going on.

Yeah.

You can get him any degree he wants.

Like, you can retire.

You can work at the post office.

Because he could become a senator or retire and work in the post office, right?

Okay.

It's like a pretty wide spectrum there, I'm sure.

It's a pretty good deal.

I want to be a time agent.

I asked when he was going to be 18.

Yeah.

What got him?

What got him was when I said he was going to get so much puss.

Didn't you hear me say you're going to get so much puss?

What did you say, sir?

What?

What did you say, sir?

I want to stay on the line.

Oh, my God.

Did you see what Colt said in the IRC?

No.

he said i don't know about you guys but one time i tried to fuck my teacher in high school and

almost went to jail yeah right dude there was this uh athlete in a high school uh i think this

weekend two teachers got arrested for having a threesome now it's now they're going up i saw

that there are like two ladies that were fucking the kid and he was a ethnic kid oh yeah he was

yeah i had a skit so check this out there's this guy uh it's a kid in fucking high school up here

and uh he's like he's showing promise and shit he had a bunch of offers from different colleges

and shit to go play in like division one and uh during school one day you know a fucking security

guard came over and told him to take his hood down for his hoodie because it's i don't know

it's fucking regulations there and instead the kid fucking argued with him picked up the security

guard and fucking like body slammed him on the fucking floor so he ends up going to jail for

like it was something like 60 days or something like that like it went from the summer and into

the school year yeah the day he gets out of jail he goes to his girlfriend's house and starts

looking through her phone find out she was texting some guy and cheating he beat the fuck out of her

and now he's back in jail well he screwed up his career yeah i'm like dude you had a fucking

division one offers and you fucking blow it because some bitch cheated on you fucking move

on high school bitch is cheating on you and she's like yeah you're gonna go to college you'll get

unlimited amounts of pussy what the fuck do you think how much way better experience plus you're

gonna be getting in like two three months you dumb fuck it was the day he got out he's oh shit

fresh here what you're fucking someone else i'll start beating the fuck up i'm gonna go right back

yeah he is he's back in there like yeah until your trial yeah you're back in buddy

so he's like missing his whole senior year of school in fucking jail um i had a new number

copy that didn't pay attention what is it here shay marie someone text me until i follow sim

because i'm bored oh she's got her tits on all over ask how old they are the tits are

i think it's hand in hand right mouth and hand i don't know got a fucking mustache oh

oh shit what i'm posting this picture

She's looking at him.

No answer.

Is she dead?

Okay, Leanne, look at this and tell me she don't live.

It's the way she's got her mouth kind of crinkled right now, I guess.

She's got a five o'clock shadow.

She's got, it looks like she has one of those Malibu and Roe piercings.

Talks like I was only 17.

Sorry.

sorry next one lee gormley well i finally got me a smartphone

let me try that again well i finally got me a smartphone i have no number and i got a new number

hit me up with yr name and number there you go lee of course lee of course it's lee right

could have been duke right catfish they call me catfish seriously contemplating taking another

break in order to get more pumpkin pie do it hey buddy how you doing is that lee oh yeah who's this

you got yourself a new smartphone boy you got yourself a new smartphone boy who's this this

is cross who cross cross this is cross motherfucker what are you doing you got a new smartphone tell

Tell me about it, motherfucker.

What's due?

What the fuck are you?

I'm cross, motherfucker, I said.

You said give you a call.

So I'm giving you a call.

How's the new phone?

What's going on with that motherfucker?

Okay.

He figured out how to hang up the phone.

Took him a while.

This is his new smart phone.

Only as smart as you are.

And Ron will call his buddy Leroy.

Picking him and hanging up.

Who is dumb enough to post his fucking number.

That's right.

Hey, I'll play this song.

And if I don't make it back, there'll be a prank call playing.

There's three minutes left to this song.

Give me a second.

Puerto Ricans, I'm back.

That was pretty quick.

I got them.

They're awesome.

Uh-oh.

Let's hear it.

Okay.

We're done with Lee.

Here's Jada, Rene, Augur.

That's why I gave her her full name.

New phone numbers.

New phone, need numbers.

Text me your name.

Okay.

If we actually talk, that's what she said.

She numbered out.

She's friend with her.

Your call has been forwarded to TELUS Mobility Voices.

TELUS.

Trying her again.

God, these things are delicious.

Oh, my God.

So you got a friend of Lee's named Leroy.

I didn't figure that guy would have a friend named Leroy, but sure.

Try it again.

No, rather try and Leroy.

Leroy.

Okay.

Maybe she was just calling him Leroy.

I should go back and look to see what her name was.

yeah call back her name is uh kira

uh kira stigwell or uh stiegel

but you did say jada's friend maddie

bitch why would you say something like that you don't want to talk to us don't be rude

mccall right guys yeah yeah fucker yeah damn it yeah you don't need that i lost my dial pad i

can't hang up shit where'd it go ah here it is thank you i heard the crunch

Call her back, I'm gonna try to get to her

You're gonna try

Do you have a

Haskell membership?

No, I do not

I'll have some of my friends go get it

I'm sorry, that is not the correct password

Please re-enter your password now

Now, if you have any story you're having trouble, please try later.

Goodbye.

Oh, well.

Sorry.

Why don't we call those banjoes a few more times?

Running from the top.

Yeah.

Saving these numbers.

These are great.

What's up with the banjo?

My name is Ronald.

How can I help you?

How are you doing?

I got a problem with the machine.

It won't go.

No, are you?

Yeah, I can hear you just fine.

My machine, it won't go.

the pc machine with the with the buttons and the clicking that's what i'm saying no it's a desktop

i'm trying to go to the google but the google won't work no it just started happening today

like i it goes through and it says um uh that you um can't access the internet page

so i think it's something with the computer i use netscape yeah i use netscape yeah dwight

mcclanahan yeah it's uh 12 4 of 69 earlier i just bought it like four days ago so why do i just go

it'd be fantastic because i called the person that sold it to me he told me go fuck myself

so i hope i hope well i i didn't mean that i was just saying that you know i called the guy before

the one that gave me the computer and that's what he said and i'm hoping you can save me

i'm not i'm not on speaker you're lying can you hear me can you hear me can you hear me okay

okay yeah this guy's a motherfucker can you hear me okay motherfucker was he off trying to sell it

to me or hanging up he said no yeah he was trying to $499 is what it would cost you for me to uh

troubleshoot your shit did he say shit you added shit whatever maybe we can get john miller back

on my memory

Who would pay $4.99?

I'm going to go buy a new fucking system before I ever do that.

Somebody's paying it.

That's why they're there, right?

Hello, motherfucker.

What's up, nigga?

Hi.

Oh, I can't hear you, asshole.

I think you're the ones that are on speakerphone.

We're calling technical support.

My name is Daniel.

How may I help you tonight?

Hey, Danny.

How are you?

That's that effeminate name again, huh?

I'm fine, sir.

How are you?

You have a girl's name.

Sir, may I know how may I help you?

Uh, yeah, you can make computer go.

Fix computer.

Stop with all the downloading.

I'm a computer.

Okay, what happened?

I'm a computer.

You are a computer?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, what happened to you?

I stopped going.

What happened?

Is there anything else?

If you have a really, uh, you know, a computer issue, then you can let me know.

Because my time is spacious.

I do.

Why is that guy yelling back there?

Yep.

Like that.

Did he say his time is spacious?

What's going on?

Is there a fight?

No, no, no. Is there a fight?

Is there a fight?

Oh, there's a fight back there.

You hear the fight? He's like, hep.

He's saying hep.

He's yelling hep.

I actually was wondering if you're calling

last four digits 2448.

Uh, no. 5888.

Thanks for calling.

My name is Ron. How can I help you?

Is there a fight over there? Is there a fight going on?

Hello? Hey.

What happened?

Did you follow with that microphone?

All right, here's the next one.

Yay.

They're sweet with the white chocolate, but they got the salty spice.

Oh, my God.

Pumpkin pie almonds.

Okay.

Okay, I'll ask her, because she's like always going to ask me questions.

You'll thank me, trust me.

I want to make like a milkshake out of that.

Damn, it's cold.

Please hold just a moment.

Over-representative will assist you.

That'll be like a chai latte or something, right?

Eh, whatever, I'll figure it out.

I'll put some pumpkin pie in.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

Hi, can you fix the computer?

Yes, sir, we can definitely help you with that.

I want you to connect from your computer to my computer

and look at all my documents on there

and put something on there that locks it out

and makes it so I can't use the computer

until I give you guys $499.

It's called ransomware.

What do you want me to do?

I want you to connect to my computer

from your computer

and put a virus on there that controls

and locks down my computer remotely

and only release it until I give you

a high amount of money remotely

to fix it, to take it off.

No, sir. We do not do that.

Yeah, you do. You did it to my friend Ken.

motherfucker

your sister told me all about it

your sister is mad she don't fuck her

lately and told me

he took offense to that

yeah Carlito

she wants to know if he can have that

not this number but the one you just called before that

to add to his list

sure yeah

I have a list of 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

7 or 8 of them

it's fine if you want to send it over to the

not the

You're not the Skype here, but my other one.

I'll put them in here just for you guys.

That's fine.

The first one in that list is the one that I called before.

I'm on the second one now.

I'll send it to Privy also.

All right, next one.

Let's call that guy back.

We got a little flustered there, a little huffy.

To IPC experts, this call may be recorded for quality and training purposes.

We got real upset.

We figured out that this over-representative will assist you.

yes control my computer and look at my computer and touch it i'm sorry look at my computer fix

my computer touch it and lock it so i can't use it unless i give you money i said we do not do

that do you have any problem on your computer yeah you guys connected to my computer now i

can't use it yeah and he's gonna suck a lot of dick to get that money to unlock it uh can you

tell me the name of the technician who was

connected to your computer? Your mother?

Sir, please do not use such kind

of language. Mother?

Mother is not a bad word. It was your mother

who was helping me with my...

But you understand what it means.

With my cock, with my penis. She helped me.

Fuck off.

So that's what

triggers him. You say mother and not when

I said he has to suck a lot of dick to get that money?

Yeah.

This call may be retarded for quality and training purposes.

Yep.

You're right, Dwight, man.

Okay.

Hello?

I'm waiting here.

I'll call a different one because I think that guy's having a hard time.

He's not having a hard time.

Thank

for calling great the leaders in independent support my name is suresh how may

help me today yeah i want you to connect to my computer from your computer okay and then i want

you to put something on there that makes it so i can't use my computer until i give you guys money

to release my computer it's called ransomware and it controls my computer remotely and you see all

my files and get access and encrypt all my files and lock it okay will you do that i'll do that

i'll take the issue so no problem no worries i'll make sure the issue is resolved okay and then

And do you have a sister you can also give me?

And a mother?

You're a sister and your mother?

No, I'm definitely going to help you out, okay?

Okay, I'll help you out, little monkey banchot.

I'll help you.

Hello?

Yeah, I'll help you out, little monkey banchot.

I'll help you, too.

What issues are we facing out with?

That you're a banchot.

It comes up on the computer and says you're a banchot.

What?

Are you masturbating?

Hush.

Motherfucker.

Fucking shit.

You hush.

Okay.

What was with the breathing on the phone?

He was getting mad and breathing and then he goes

Hush

That's a new thing to say to them

Dwight McMillan, he's peeing still

Thank you for calling Groove Aid

The leaders in India can take support

My name is Sachin

Fix my computer, motherfucker

Make the computer go, motherfucker

I wanna watch dirty Indian sister porn

I wanna watch a

Mata Toad and a Betty Toad

all fucking all night hello yeah do you understand me monotrode so this is guru

the leaders in independent tech support my name is sachin how may i help you my name is dwight

and i want to watch some fucking uh bunch hold action on the line and i can't okay so either

you fix my computer or you bring your sister in front of me and i will fuck her hey just hold on

okay it's gonna get sister so do you accept option one or option two fix computer or i get the fuck

Fuck your sister.

Demand your report.

I'm sorry, sir.

What was that?

Yeah, I said option one or option two.

Do you have any issues on your computer?

Yes.

I just said I was going to a pornographic site.

I was trying to watch some Indian porn, and I'm not able to watch the poncho action.

And I said either fix my computer or bring your sister in front of me, and I will fuck her.

Well, this is the last time you're making this call.

I'm getting your number blocked.

No, fuck you, motherfucker.

No, you're not a motherfucker, fucking bitch, motherfucker.

Cock sucker.

motherfucker so much better than shark mop stuff man hello there to tonight from good

weight the leaders in independent tech support yeah wait a minute i thought this was the last

time i was making a call motherfucker hey motherfucker how are you indian monkey

that bench old motherfucker did you say you're from kuwait what's your name bitch

yeah what is your name that's a stupid name for stupid question i'm gonna call you kumar

Thank you very much.

Bye.

Fuck you.

You're welcome.

I'm going to fuck you.

Thank you.

Come again.

I'm going to call you out too.

Thank you for calling Guru 8.

The leader is in technical support.

My name is Sunil.

How can I help you today?

Hi, stupid.

How are you?

I'm fine, sir.

What about you, sir?

Oh, this computer is a piece of fucking shit.

I want to throw it across the fucking wall and take a cricket bat and start hitting the

fucking computer like a piece of shit and kick it and urinate on it and do caca.

Sir, I'm so sorry.

I think there's something wrong happening with your computer, sir.

Yeah, I want to burn my house down.

Sir, may I know what the issues are there?

We'll try our best to fix the issues, sir.

Sir, can I have your first name and your last name?

Motherfucking shit, fucking piece of shit.

Hello?

Yes.

Hello?

Yes.

Sir, can I have your first name and your last name, sir?

Yeah, my first name is Labia.

Labia, okay.

And your last name?

Clitoris.

Could you spell for me?

me? C-L-I-T-O-R-U-S. T-O-R-U-S, okay. And sir, your contact number? Yeah, could you repeat the

name, please? Make sure you have it right. Sir, C-L-I-T-O-R-U-S, right? Yeah, my full name. What

is it? Read it to me. Okay, sir, Labia, and your last name is C-L-I-T-O-R-U-S. Am I correct?

Yeah, pronounce them both together, please.

Yes, thank you very much.

Thank you.

Okay.

And so your contact number?

Can I have your contact number?

Yeah, 257-384-2014.

And your email ID?

It's bigbanana at email.com.

Bigbanana at whichmail.com?

E, as in edwardmail.com.

Okay, no way, sir.

Okay, sir.

I think there's something wrong happening with your computer.

So would you please let us know what is happening with your computer, sir?

So that we can try our best to fix the issue.

Shut up.

When I turn it on, it goes, oh, like that, you know?

And I started touching the computer.

I started touching it inside.

I put a screwdriver inside, and I got mad, and I kicked it.

and I picked it up and I threw it from the third floor balcony.

I threw it down into the first floor, into the ground outside.

And then I jumped from the balcony, I landed on top of it

and then I started, like, punching and kicking it

and then I took a cricket.

You know what cricket is?

You know a cricket?

I took the mallet and started hitting the computer

and then there was an Indian boy, a 10-year-old Indian boy

and I hit him in the face with the cricket mallet.

I hit it across his face.

And then I started hitting, he fell down and I started hitting his private parts and kicking him in the privates, the private parts.

And I took all his clothes off.

Yeah.

And then I took a lighter and I lit his clothes on fire and he was crying.

And then I lit, I lit his, he ran into his house and I lit the house on fire and the house caught on fire and it burnt down.

And then it spread into the village, you know, like about 10 houses in the village caught on fire.

Then the whole village was on fire.

and before you know it um half of the country of india was on fire okay so uh okay so no way

so if you like uh now your computer is like you have like a dash your computer what happens if

you're uh so if you like let us know what the issues there so here sir we have a lot of technical

so we have a lot of technical stop shaking your head stop shaking your head when you're talking

okay okay all right listen i threw the computer out the window and it landed on the ground and

it broke in a million pieces so fix it motherfucking asshole fucking bhenchod send your sister and your

mother to come fix it with naked with no clothes on that was a long story all for nothing man

you got a story thank you for calling through it

Hi, Monk.

The leaders in independent tech support.

Yeah.

Are you a monkey that fell...

My name's...

Are you a monkey that fell out of the tree?

Sorry?

Are you a monkey that fell...

I'm sorry, sir.

Are you a monkey that fell out of the tree and fell on the ground?

I'm sorry, sir.

Do you have any issues with your computer?

Yeah, someone else does.

Go ahead, someone else.

Hey, how you doing?

I got a problem with my computer.

Yeah.

Yeah, I got a problem.

Are you still there?

Hello, bastard.

I got problems.

Windows 7 problems.

All right, I gave up on him.

I'm trying another guy.

Fuck it.

This is stop shaking your head when you're talking to me.

Hello there, Trude Van Eyck from Goodway, the leaders in independent tech support.

How may I help you today?

I'm doing all right.

I got a problem with my computer.

It's internet related.

You've got an issue with your computer, you may say.

Yeah, I can't get on the internet.

I looked at my modem and my lights are flashing at me and I think it might be the CIA taking pictures.

So I covered the lights up with some masking tape.

Oh, sure, not a problem at all.

I'd be more than happy to go out and have a check with that for you.

All right, that sounds good.

Since how long have you been facing this issue?

Well, I think the CIA has been taking pictures of me for like 20-some-odd years,

but the computer has been two days.

Okay, let me just have a quick check with that then on your computer itself.

May I know your name, please?

Can you run a scan from there on my computer?

Sorry?

A scan. Can you run a scan on my computer from there and see if there's a problem?

Yes, I can do that. I can do that for you. Don't worry about that.

So may I know your full name, please, first?

Yeah, it's Bob Morton.

Yeah, spell that for me.

You want the first or last or both?

First and the last, both.

Oh, yeah.

First name is Bob, B-O-B.

I got that.

Last name is Morton, M-O-R-T-O-N.

That's M for Morton.

I got that.

I work for Omni Consumer Products.

Sorry?

I work for Omni Consumer Products.

Okay, great.

So could you also help me with your alternate mobile number

number in case if the call gets disconnected i'll be able to call you yeah my yeah alternate is uh

two one two uh yeah two one two four one five three zero four one five yeah no it's two one

two four one five six one two one six one two one yeah and can you also help me with your email

address please sure i'll spell it out for you it's uh m is in nancy o is an open d is in delta

Delta, A as in apple, D as in delta, D as in delta, Y as in yarn, N as in Nancy, O as in open, the at symbol, B as in boy, A as in apple.

Sorry, at.

Yeah, you got the at symbol.

At symbol, he said.

Hello, boy.

Do you need me to start over?

Yeah, no, no, no.

I just want the at symbol, he said, right?

The symbol which you said.

Yeah, it's N-O-D-A.

At.

d d d it's n o d a d d y n o and then at okay b is in boy a is an apple d is in dog t is in tom

o is in open u is an umbrella c is in cat h is in the horse calm i got that can you repeat it back

i want to make sure that you got the correct spelling it's no daddy no at bad couch.com

That's right.

You never had iTunes.

Okay, I got that.

Okay, so you're facing issues with the Internet.

So what I would do is I'll go ahead and remotely access your computer.

Then I'd be going ahead and having a check with your computer if you have any.

And accordingly, we'll get the issue resolved for you.

Oh, fantastic.

Okay, so before I go ahead and get remote access on your computer right now,

I just want you to close all your personal files and folders for your privacy.

My privacy?

Yeah, for your privacy, close all your personal files and folders.

Okay, I'm closing them.

No, wait, should I close the one that has the pornographic material too?

No, sorry?

I have a special folder. Should I close that too?

That's okay if you don't want to close that as well, because I would not be accessing that.

Okay.

If you can close it, that's really good.

If at all, if you have any data, you can save them and close it, if you wish.

Okay. Yeah, it's all closed.

And this remote session was recorded for training, quality assurance, and user safety purpose.

It was just a folder with pictures of my butthole.

Sorry?

No, never mind. Continue.

Okay. I just said that this remote session would be recorded for training, quality assurance, and user safety purpose. Okay?

Okay. I will record you also.

Okay.

That's all right.

Okay, now, could you just open Google Chrome, any other browser, Google Chrome or Internet Explorer?

Yeah, I run Netscape.

Yeah?

Yep.

Now, what do you see on the screen there?

I'm on Yahoo.

I don't believe in Google because Steve Jobs is a motherfucker.

Sorry?

No, I don't believe in Google because Steve Jobs, he tries to force his views on me,

and then one time I met him in person

and he tried to figure my butthole.

Open any of the browser.

Have you opened it?

Yeah, Netscape's open.

Okay, so on the address bar,

type in what I would tell you to type, okay?

Okay.

Type remote, that is R for Romeo,

E for Echo,

M for Mike,

O for Oscar,

T for Tango,

E for Echo,

dot,

hello yeah i'm still here yeah remote.g for g as in golf yeah u as in uniform

r as in romeo my name is uh dwight sorry never mind go ahead a as in alpha i as in india

are you are you uh connected to gary brotsky dot alpha sorry never mind go ahead remote.guruway.com

Okay, now I bring this up, and it says, you have connected to the gayest prank call show in the world, kdkpranks.com.

Sorry?

It said something, it said I connected to kdkpranks.com.

What have you typed in there?

Um, I typed in Alpha, Mary, Apple, 6, Niner, uh, there's a 12 in there, I think a 4.

I told you something else to type in.

Oh, okay. I was wondering why you said I had pornographic material.

Type in RemoteGuruAid.com.

Okay, okay. Now this is what I was talking about, there's a penis on my screen.

You said you were going to remote access my, is this your penis and you're just trying to show it to me?

Bob, let us just come to the computer issues, if you have any.

Yeah, I do.

You told me to connect to this site, and you're showing me your Indian penis, you fucking

matter-chode.

I'm asking you a site which would get a remote access.

I will be getting an access to your computer and getting the issue resolved.

Yeah, you just got access, you fucking bahan-chode.

You're sitting here showing me your penis.

All right, so you're calling us again and again.

No problem.

You're a sick motherfucker.

You know that?

Bring your sister in front of me, motherfucker.

Yeah, you keep doing that.

No problem at all.

Yeah, I will keep doing it.

sit there and cry. He'd be a little bitch.

So you have any issues with the computer now?

Yeah, I got issues. So what's the issue?

Yeah. It's this thing that goes

that's what it does.

It tells me

I should call this number.

It says Gondu. Gondus are at this number.

Call the Gondu.

Sorry? Hey, listen.

I want to talk to the hot bitch that's next to you.

She sounds hot. Let me talk to her.

She sounds like she has a hot

labia. I want some of that.

Ooh, yeah. This is the last call

the night. Come on. Thank you very much.

Okay. Fuck you. Bye.

Bye, honey, baby.

Bhenchod, bye. Bitch, bitch, bitch.

Why did you disconnect the call? Thank you, or else I have to

hang up the call right now. Bye, Bhenchod.

Fuck you. Bye, dirt person.

Bye, dirt person.

Jesus.

See you later,

Ken. Bye-bye.

Thank you for being on.

And bye, Neon.

See you later. Bye.

Milkman, are you there, buddy, buddy?

Yeah, there you have it, my friend.

What show?

All right, what do we got?

What do you got for me, Milkman?

Take us out of here, bastard.

Well, yeah, man, it's a super show.

We have another fantastic episode.

We've got a lot of great calls out there.

A couple of good guests in there.

And I'd like to thank you.

Bye.

That's right.

Especially you.

That's right.

We do this every week.

It's the most interactive show you can find right here on the Internet.

That's right.

It's not the time.

It's actually give us a talk.

If you bring your friend, if you bring your enemy, they're always welcome right here in the Madhouse with the Generalissimo.

That's right, buddy.

What can we do without our Generalissimo and Manito?

The man, the man, saving lives one call at a time.

My brother.

Thank you, brother.

All right.

Yes.

I want to thank you, Milkman.

Thank you for being here.

I want to thank our guests tonight.

Dwight, Young, and Baz.

I also want to thank Dashie, who contributed.

I also want to thank...

Who else contributed?

In the chatroom, the name was Treaty.

That was a good contribution

with those Indian numbers, Indians, Benchos,

that we called a lot.

There were a couple more people that helped out.

I'm very sorry that I don't remember who.

I think Gordo helped out with some numbers.

I don't remember. I'm sorry. I'm mad.

Gilmore. Gilmore helped out.

But there were some others.

Whoever sent the numbers, thank you.

Okay, I got to go.

I'm out of here.

Milkman, you have yourself a good week.

I'm going to talk to you tomorrow probably, okay?

Okay.

All right, man.

You talk and we'll talk.

Yeah, man.

I got that information for you too.

Yes.

I need to take off about DE too.

Yeah.

Okay, good.

All right.

See you later, man.

All right, everybody.

Bye.

Catch you, I don't know, some other day this week.

I'll be on.

And the heroism of a

We want, we don't

The pencil's ready

Number two

Two

Calls (39, 2 h 22 min of 4 h 23 min)

Transcript

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