MadhouseSearch

Do What Now

13 Oct 2014 · 1 h 43 min · 13,260 words · source

Calls (24, 48 min of 1 h 43 min)
  1. iPhone 5C owner questioned about phones live 1.6 min clip ↓
  2. Ford E350 box truck for sale live 2.3 min clip ↓
  3. Astro van for sale live 2.1 min clip ↓
  4. Gas log fireplace for sale live 1.7 min clip ↓
  5. Pizza Hut ordered pizza live 1.1 min clip ↓
  6. Indian restaurant corporate office prank live 1.0 min clip ↓
  7. Technical support asked about India's dryness live 1.0 min clip ↓
  8. Technical support asked about computer not starting live 1.9 min clip ↓
  9. MyFone Support asked about MyFone phone live 33 s clip ↓
  10. Yoga decking coaches mistaken for support live 2.3 min clip ↓
  11. MyFoneSupport IVR with random chatter live 51 s clip ↓
  12. Taco Bell helpline with celebrity talk and recording warning live 4.8 min clip ↓
  13. Pizza Hut order with bizarre toppings live 4.4 min clip ↓
  14. Frontier Communications directory assistance live 4.6 min clip ↓
  15. Frontier Directory tech support prank live 36 s clip ↓
  16. Pizza Hut delivery pickup inquiry live 1.6 min clip ↓
  17. Facebook call with Gunner live 50 s clip ↓
  18. Calling back SugarTouch after hang-up live 1.6 min clip ↓
  19. Sushi Garden ordered tempura ice cream live 3.4 min clip ↓
  20. Sushi Garden asked for phone number live 1.8 min clip ↓
  21. Little Bird Nesting Company checked live 40 s clip ↓
  22. Sugar Sweet Bakery asked about products live 1.3 min clip ↓
  23. YMCA bathroom shower access request live 4.6 min clip ↓
  24. Meat market call with Spanish exchange live 1.8 min clip ↓

Transcript

Do what now?
Do what now, son?
Do what now?
Do what now, son?
Dummy, when you're ready to place a legit order, then call us back.
Do what now?
Do what now?
You little monkey.
You bastard.
You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.
Do what now?
This is basic civil defense information from the Department of Defense, Office of Civil Defense, Washington.
Do what now?
If there is ever a nuclear emergency, special fire precautions should be taken,
particularly if you plan to use a home shelter.
Keep out the intense heat rays from a nuclear explosion
by closing your doors, windows, and Venetian blinds.
If you don't have Venetian blinds,
coat windows with whitewash, household cleaning powder, even mud,
or cover windows with aluminum foil.
Unless authorities advise otherwise,
fill buckets and bathtubs with water.
Keep a garden hose connected.
Fill containers with sand for firefighting.
If it's an electrical fire,
shut off the electricity first at the main switch,
then put out the flame.
If it's an oil or grease fire, shut off the supply of whatever is burning.
Smother the flame. Don't use water.
With a gas fire, shut off the gas supply.
Then use water, sand, or earth to put out the fire.
Act quickly.
To know the danger of fire and what to do about it, consult your local civil defense director.
Who's here with me? Who made it? Who made it? Who made it?
I made it.
Matt is here.
Neon is here.
Right?
Yep, I'm here.
Turkey-ass train wreck made it.
I was just listening to Let Me Poop.
Oh, Let Me Poop.
What's that song?
That song, it has, when I first found it, it had 30,000 views.
Now it has 3,800,000.
Damn.
It's not a rappy thing, is it?
No, it's some little girl singing Let Me Poop.
Oh, that's right.
I heard you talk about that.
Yes, yes, yes.
Zach said he is good to go at like 8, I believe.
Your time, so that's 9.
Yeah, it's like a little over 2 hours.
Hour 45.
Yeah.
It'll take a minute or so.
All right, well, you give me the high sign when you're ready to flip over.
Yeah.
It says I don't have Skype Premium anywhere.
What the fuck?
I thought you did.
You were all just a video guy.
Told me the same thing.
Hey, guys.
A little train wreck.
I thought you just had it for a week.
uh no i i paid for it oh you paid sucker i'm gay for paid you know there's ways around this
her rappies been putting shit back up again yeah how you doing i saw you advertising stuff for sale
here or you said you you'd pay cash for an old wooden baseball bat hello excuse me you'd pay
You want to pay cash for Old Wood and Baseball Bats made in Dixon?
Wait, you've got the wrong number.
It says here that...
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
No, you're the one that has six shorties.
Yes, I have two left.
Oh, you got two left?
What's wrong with those two?
Are they stupid?
No.
I'm not joking.
They're not stupid, right?
No, they're not stupid.
They're not going to run away?
They're not going to pee on stuff?
They're actually using their little pee pads really good.
Oh, yeah?
That's what I thought they would be.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah?
So, sell me on them.
I mean, what's the deal?
Do what now?
I'm sorry?
So, what are...
Jesus Christ.
What's a shorty?
Is it a Yorkie and what?
Like a Shih Tzu?
Stupid.
Yeah.
She really said, do what now?
I love it.
Yeah.
So, you have a Shih Tzu?
Hey, you dingbat broad.
I actually made a t-shirt that said that on it.
You have a Shih Tzu already.
He said, the Shih Tzu is the mom.
I want the Shih Tzu.
I want the Shih Tzu.
I want to eat it.
Oh, no.
I want to eat it.
Is it tasty?
I was just watching a Vice thing about the dog eating.
Oh, the Chinese one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I told some people about that.
That was nuts.
Part two was up today.
They were both already up on the Vice.
Yeah, yeah.
The Vice site.
Fucking cigarettes.
I couldn't stop coughing.
I won't show you around.
So, is my video not working?
is it working i saw it just a second ago yeah it was working and now it's i need sky premium
and i just went to buy sky premium and it's like apparently not available okay everybody
give ten dollars sky so shut the fuck up all right i was just at it and uh i can't figure
out where to give it money quite the dilemma there hey iphone 5 seen that would you like
or are you holding off on pranks till later oh yeah i can do whatever man
what am i buying iphone 5c for cheap
the iphone 5c is the one that is the iphone that nobody wants it's not reachable because
it's a piece of shit sucks it stink yeah it stinks yep remember the critic used to always say
It was in the intro.
Remember when he was in the
Nuthouse on the Simpsons
and they went through
the rooms of the asylum and they showed him
in there saying, it stinks!
It stinks! And they're like, yes
Mr. Sherman, everything
stinks.
I remember the episode where he was the judge
in the film festival.
The one that Muldoon won.
Don't cry for me.
I'm already dead.
but it was a moment that won it right for the football and the balls
yeah yeah it's funny on so many levels
i liked barney's with this don't cry for me i'm already dead and then the bottle rolled out of
his hand and shit oh that was good dude this late in the day therapy kicked my fucking ass
you got five uh iphone 5c is it ringing yeah he's there oh iphone man sorry hello hey oh you're the
guy with the iphone the 5s right the good one you got the s no no what do you got the c for crap
All I have is a
Samsung Galaxy Ace
That's all I have
This is iPhone 5C here motherfucker
Dude did you steal all these phones
What are you talking about
How do you have these phones
Do you have a mirror with duct tape on it
That you're trying to pass off as an iPad
Jolanta
Do you know Jolanta
Do you have fake glasses
Are you black
actually not i noticed he said text only i cannot receive calls well i guess what a liar
i'm gonna grab him because he is a liar right neon sure let's trade him up hey i found something
what do you phone hello hello yeah hi you got a ford a350 box truck
Boop, boop.
Yeah.
Okay.
How many pieces is it?
What do you mean, pieces?
It says it's still in the box, right?
No, that's a box truck.
Yeah, exactly.
It's still boxed up.
It's the kind of trucks that you get in the mail from Sears Catalog, Sears Robot Company,
and you put it together.
No, it's a full vehicle you drive.
Then what's the box about?
How big is the box?
The box is same feet long.
That's it?
How does the whole truck fit in there?
How does the whole truck fit in that?
Is this stupid?
Can you answer that question?
What are you talking about?
Are you stupid, Gene?
Here.
Are you stupid?
Hello?
Yeah, hey, boy, how you doing?
I'm doing good, sir, and yourself?
Yeah, is this Gene?
Yes, sir.
Big fat Gene, the dancing machine?
Well, it's more like the big old teddy bear anymore.
Oh, yeah?
I'll pull you down your pants and make that decision.
Because bears have big sexual organs.
I don't know.
We'd have to check you.
Anyway, so I see you got a 4D 350 truck in the box still that's got to be put together?
No, no, I mean, what are you calling about?
Ford E350 box truck for sale.
Yes, sir.
Yeah.
So I'm asking how many pieces is in the box?
Y'all have a nice day.
No, I will not.
You mean tomorrow?
Because today's over.
You mean like tomorrow I have a nice day?
Gene.
Hey, hey, hey.
It's Matt Albert.
Who's doing dishes or something?
Turn on the dishwasher.
Is it really bothering?
It's all right, I guess.
Oh.
You want me to kill it?
No, I'm sorry.
No, don't kill it.
Don't.
Don't kill your washing machine.
Because you've got to have it off for a year or so.
It's all right.
This is just bullshit.
93 Astrovan runs and drives.
Good.
That's very good that it runs and drives.
Ooh, that is a plus.
That's what you call two major selling points.
Hey, Matt.
Yes?
On your webcam, like on the main window of Skype, it seems very dark.
but if i move skype on another screen the small screen on the other screen is like more bright
is that is that something with your setting or i think you have a virus you have the dim virus
doing something video settings yeah the webcam settings it just did this tonight because it's
saying that i want it wants to give me premium yeah right no but that's all right oh shit so
So they're darkening out the fucking video now when you don't have it.
What?
Yes, they are, I guess.
So it is free, I guess.
I guess it's to the point where it is free, but you gotta see that.
There's no way to buy the premium, though.
I just went to the thing.
Did you Google it?
No.
Come on, man.
I'm sure people are talking about it in the blog.
Come on, man.
You're always the group video guy.
Yeah, I know.
We can see Neon right now.
She's probably up there.
neon do you want to buy that uh astro van it's 93 it's a good year
okay all right before we like 20 that year no i'm not gonna say how old i was
20 she was not old enough to drive what it's 15
yeah i think i was 18 or 19 or something i was 12 i was 12 too oh my years
no no 93 i was 20 i was 13 i don't know yeah i'm the old man here i was 13 or 14
and i'm the youngest old man fucking hillock hello hi i'm calling about the 93 astro van
yes do you still have it yes what color is it it is blue it's blue um yeah let's see
What'd you use it for?
I just used it as a family bagel, but we went with something else.
Are you Southern?
Yeah, I still have it.
Yeah, you're Southern.
Okay.
Did you take it out on the bayou, the blue bayou?
Do what now?
Did you take it out on the blue bayou?
I can't hardly understand you.
Do what now?
I can't hardly understand you.
Do what now?
Do what now, son?
Did you take this out on the bayou?
Wow.
Wow, there's been two do-what-nows.
I know.
That shit's kind of priceless.
Fucking hicks always say do-what-now.
With their thumbs in their jeans pockets.
Sir, are you there still?
Come on, don't be like that.
We want a van.
We're traveling hippies.
Yay.
We're like the Manson family on crack.
The creepy crawlers.
Yeah.
We'll rearrange your furniture all fucking night, yo.
Alright, bye
Pregnant
You lost your shit there almost
When he said
Do what now
I was like, oh my god
For sale gas log fireplace
I already called them
They put their ad back on
Somebody the other day on Facebook
Was saying that neon is really
Roxy
Or Stacy
I got a feeling Nia doesn't want to talk about that.
That's so stupid, Emily.
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
They sound nothing like that.
I mean, all respect for everybody else out there, but I'm my own person.
People used to say that Samantha sounded like Roxy or vice versa.
Yeah, I know.
It's like they're girls.
They all sound alike.
They sound like girls.
We all sound like we have a vagina.
That's what it is.
Yeah.
That's sloppy.
sloppy that's michael j horse listening to
ben k just said that we're funny thanks ben thanks
isn't that one of them that said i sounded like her i mean oh i don't know maybe wow yeah that's
it's really that's it's i can't even seem like there's no way other than the fact that you're
You're both broads.
You don't sound anything like.
Other than you don't have an Adam's apple.
That's the only similarity.
Well, Matt, hey, on the subject of Adam's apples,
what happened, that video that you posted today,
so you really got fired from that shit?
Oh, yeah, back in the day.
How'd they find out?
How'd your boss find out, or whoever it was?
I don't, they must have been, like,
combing YouTube or something.
thing because it just said it was called um like when i had it up it was called like cell phone
hut tour it wasn't even said like and somehow at&t legal got to my contractor because i was
you know contracted through not yeah i wasn't working for at&t but i was and like this dude
needs we need his idea we need him out of there they were this but they they acted like well they
They just need your ID for a minute.
What was your complaint?
That you showed the inside of it?
I guess.
Or that you had the PLA sticker on and...
I don't know.
I don't know.
And the affiliation.
Really?
That's just weird.
I'm showing the inside of it.
What's the big fuck is it?
You figure it's going to have, you know, shit like that.
What's secret there that they're showing?
And no one knows.
I don't know.
Yeah.
I mean, you've got probably T1 lines or fiber coming in and whatever else it takes to create
this.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah.
And coaxes going up to the
Fucking antennas
Yeah you can see that shit already anyway
It was
I don't know
But yeah it was
They didn't say
Like you're fired
But I got sent home from a job
And never got a call back
From that contracting outfit
Yeah I know that
I know that
But at least you're able
able to still claim unemployment in that case if you had to ah i don't think i was working long
enough yeah i was on this one i was really on some sketchy shit like barely hanging on for a while
i was selling all my dvds for like beer money and shit i would go to like store and then they'd pay
me like a dollar a piece for movies and i'm like all right i got a giant stack here nice
i was i was just getting by for a while but everything's good now i'm living off the
government dime right yeah all i had to do is develop a severe neurological disorder
to get free money yeah it it buy your car or fell from down the stair yeah right or break
feel like it worked with me yeah no i didn't i broke my leg going to buy more beer on christmas
eve i wasn't working yeah i didn't even take that seriously until like a few months in then i and i
was like wait a minute because i just thought it was like some kind of odd ankle injury and then i
heard you like a few months in and you were still in the hospital actually i was like yeah i uh that
was what well the first thing i did like all this is from like when my ms was undiagnosed is what
What was making me walk stupid?
Like, I broke my ankle, that trimelior fracture.
Like, I think, like, you had, you know, you break all the little bones down there.
And I had to have surgery.
And then I got, like, better-ish from that.
And then I went up to visit Jen and just slipped in the apartment
and just broke my fucking, my whole leg bone above that ankle.
Damn.
And then that
Laid me up like
Fucking crazy
Yeah
It was rough
Yo
Alright
Sorry
I got another van
Here
A Dodge Ram
It's a Dodge Ram
No it's a truck
It's a man's truck
I hear
I hear Dodge trucks
Are in fact
Ram tough
Do what now
I was telling Neon
To do it
I want to see
What we can get
Out of a truck
Yeah
You have a Dodge Ram
Machine
Yeah
You drive it every day
Yeah I drive it every day
Oh, so it probably stinks in there, like fart and stuff like that, right?
I don't get it.
It stinks like farts.
Oh, do I get to test the seats out?
Can I smell them?
Can you smell them?
Mm-hmm.
Whatever, you know, whatever floats your boat, you know?
I'll definitely smell the driver's side.
Do you have a passenger in it a lot?
I think you're a freak, man.
I am, but still, that doesn't mean you can deny me to buy a truck.
I'm like, you're a freak.
He's a kid, you smell it
All right, Neon, you can come in as a spouse
And you smell what Carlito's cooking
Hey, you still selling that truck, son?
You still selling it or what?
I'm calling for it
I don't think y'all want a truck
Y'all just want to play practice
Don't you want a lady in that front seat, son?
Don't you want me in that front seat?
Smelling them farts.
Getting her pussy all wet.
I'll take you to that sloppy climax.
You know what I'm saying?
I take you kind of candy shop.
Hey, RBCP.
Those are pussy farts.
Hey, Trainwreck.
Hi, Brian.
Hi, Brad.
Welcome to the show.
Who invited you guys?
Did you know that smelling farts is a good way to keep from getting Ebola?
Ebola. I read it today.
That's true. I saw it on Facebook.
Can you do that right now?
You can't smell your own, though. You have to smell someone else's.
Yeah, yeah, of course.
Is that really? It'll keep
the Ebola out?
You should try it. You should go smell your mom's parts.
I'm not worried
about the Ebola, though.
I'm not around too many strangers.
I'm going to shut in.
I think we're okay.
All of us in the prank community, we're
We're completely safe.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're all fucking shut in, Joe.
We'll be the only ones left.
Right.
Yep.
I'm looking here.
I'm looking to buy a full-view storm door.
Right.
So, what, you can view the storm coming?
Yep.
I don't know if that's a problem.
You can stand right at it and just watch.
Like, wow, this is a very intense.
scream at it it's like it's completely clear oh really typically doors door glasses are clear
yeah that's definite selling point can i put this in my bathroom
so when i took a big shift people can see me
Matt, are you doing a show tonight?
Yes.
Yay.
At a normal time?
Like, I think 8pm
my time, so like an hour
and 20 minutes.
22 minutes.
I approve.
Okay.
You're the boss, man.
Woodburner for you.
Woodburner.
Make it so.
He's watching the new
Walking Dead.
I saw it. I just finished watching it first time.
Hey, I just finished watching The Walking Dead.
AMC is The Walking Dead.
Did you watch it?
What?
You know when they say previously on AMC, The Walking Dead, right?
And then they show two hours of car commercials.
Yep.
Like, are that many people really buying new automobiles that are all beefy?
Well, I bought mine because of that show, you know?
The zombie hunter car that they show?
Yeah, yeah.
What was it?
Is it the Yunday?
Yunday, yes.
Yeah.
Yunday.
Sorry, there.
We just started bullshitting.
It's like, fuck that guy.
It's a stalker.
ARBCP, you inspired one of my last show when you pretend to be the corporate office, you know?
Oh, I'm suing you.
The culprit office.
No!
No, don't do that.
The culprit office.
I didn't hear.
But what'd you do?
I pretend to be the...
I called... Yeah, hold on.
Okay, yeah, please continue.
Sorry to cut you off.
What is wrong, Trainwreck?
Are you all right, man?
What did you do, Trainwreck?
It's because my audio sometimes
freezes, and it's like
I lose some part of the sentence
that the people are saying.
Your dumb French audio.
Did you just have a stroke or something?
Yeah, that is right.
He thinks it's his audio, but it really is just strokes.
You know, sometimes when I used to get really stoned,
I would think I was saying things or doing things that I didn't know I was saying or doing.
I could swear people apart if they were staring at me because I just said something weird.
Yeah.
I'm like, did I just say that out loud?
That's called just being real fucking high, yeah.
How can you read my thoughts?
This is for you, Trainwreck, your favorite pizza place.
Pizza Hut.
Yay!
Oh, gosh.
We're calling the Hut.
Thank you.
You can get a large.
I get the Clank hoodie tomorrow, Brad.
It's got it like a giant on it.
It's got what on it?
A giant Clank.
Say what now?
It's got this on the back.
You got a cactus.
Right.
Yeah.
But it's got it like low so the hood wouldn't cover it at all.
For your tramp stamp?
Yeah, kind of.
All right.
You got a PLA tramp stamp?
Yeah.
That could be funny.
That could be really funny.
I'm going to get RBCP
as a tramp stamp.
I'd get a cactus armband going around my bicep.
That'd be kind of cool.
Eda's got a fucking tramp stamp.
It's great. I like it.
Thank you for holding.
I think it was
the first one she had done or something
and it's not really well done
so it's kind of bump.
yeah basically i pretend to be the corporate office of some indian restaurant and uh
i fired like three of the employees on the phone
does indian restaurants have corporate offices well not the weatherland no they don't have but
and apparently the corporate environments owned by don't worry i only fired them for the day
they can come back to the uh yes yeah yeah i don't know of any indian chain
there won't be one of them there's italian ones there's chinese and express and now i have one
employee number of the guy who's working that's just mcdonald's though thank you for calling
technical support. One of our technical support
advisors will be with you shortly.
I wonder how quick they'll hang up on us.
Someone told me that Panda Express is really
McDonald's. Their own, but I think they have
a control. They have a steak
and they used to have a steak in Chipotle,
but they sold it off. Do you still
have your uniform? No.
I got to stand out in the
food court and offer people samples of
tandoori chicken.
Did you offer the bento
chicken? Of course.
You didn't know what it was back then.
He knows they said it a lot earlier.
After all these years, I know what the manager was saying to me.
What he was calling me.
He used to call, hey, little Bencho, come here.
My little Bencho.
He'd go, like, my little Bencho, and he'd, like, mess up your hair.
Like, oh, my little Bencho.
You're a good worker.
Let me show you the chooty-chooty.
Yeah, come on.
Come on back.
Let's paint the soup together.
Hey, hey, hey, come on.
The webcam just lightened up.
Yay!
Your payment went through.
All right!
Yeah.
All right.
Here.
Thank you for calling technical support.
One of our technical support advisors will be with you shortly.
Right here.
Yeah.
Is it empty now?
Oh, crap.
You got that new before you went to Sweden.
Yeah.
I heard it.
Thanks for your call.
How can I help you?
Yeah.
Do you know if Ida is really, like, dry down there or something?
No.
No, not at all.
Oh, that's good.
Of course I know.
Hello, sir.
I was asking...
Can you hear me, sir?
Yeah, hey.
Sir, stop interrupting us.
We're having a conversation, asshole.
Is India very dry?
Now you can talk.
Who are you?
Oh, I'm Cross.
I have a computer problem, but I'm asking if India is very dry or not.
No.
It's not dry?
Oh, good, so I don't have to bring a lot of lubrication, then.
May I know, sir, how may I help you, sir?
Uh, well, the computer doesn't start.
A.
Okay.
Mm-hmm.
And two.
And two.
It doesn't go.
It doesn't go.
Yeah, I was trying to do something new.
Make us strong.
Yeah, can you make us strong and smart?
You want to fix the issue of your computer, right?
Well, we want to go because we're far from home.
You know, we were out here looking for things that make us go,
and the computer doesn't go anymore.
Yeah.
So now we need to get it fixed.
We need Georgie LaForge.
Yeah.
Put the commander-in-chief on the phone right now.
Yeah.
Motherfucker.
Yeah.
For some reason, the reading rainbow guy will fix everything.
Yeah.
First we want to go, then we want to be strong.
But you don't have to take my word for it.
Done, that's done.
Sir, are we going anywhere with this?
Oh, he's searching the banjoed in chief right now.
Oh, he hung up.
I know.
How rude of him, right?
Right.
No customer service at this place.
What was it?
Dell Technical Support?
One of them.
I don't know.
I just got a list of numbers.
Thank you for calling Technical Support.
One of our technical supporters.
We have a computer right now.
The good one is the, what is that, the MyFone one?
That's the good one.
MyFone.
That sounds like a Simpsons fake iPhone.
Yeah, it is.
I think it says MyFone.
It's like MyFone support.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, but then if you say you have a phone, they don't help you out, I think.
No, misrepresentation there.
They transferred me to LG the other day.
Yeah, the last time that you called, we were having problems.
Thank you for calling our yoga decking coaches.
My name is Rishish.
How can I help you?
Hey, Hashish, how are you?
I'm perfectly fine, sir.
Thank you very much for asking.
You said your name is Mashish or Hashish?
Wishish.
Wishish.
Wishish.
Ashish.
Shishish.
Shishish.
Shishish.
Shishish.
Poop for the win.
What does that mean?
I think it was fuck the world.
Yeah.
We need to print a big banner.
It says, Roy, I know you've been fucking cheating on me.
Don't even come back.
We're going to hang it up on the garage door.
Or across to the poles.
Okay.
Because we got
Roxy on the phone here.
Yep, Roxy's here.
Hey, Roxy.
She's on the phone right now.
It's uncanny.
This is the same person.
Do you guys know something?
All the calls over here, they get recorded.
I can't even fake her voice.
Listen to this part.
Banchon, Banchon.
2D, 2D.
Play that part back.
Do you know that?
Yep, I do.
You do know that, that all the calls, they get recorded over here.
I can see your phone number, I can see what's your home address.
Oh, yeah.
I'm scared.
What's your address then?
Can you send this to recording?
Because this is a pretty funny call.
Yeah, this tape is a two-party call, so you need to tell us before you record.
Therefore, it's not applicable, and you shall destroy the tape right now.
He's in India.
He's a monkey from India.
Whatever, you loser.
He said whatever.
Whatever.
As if.
Same to you.
Same to you.
You and your mother, too.
As if.
Whatever.
Do the what now?
Do the what now?
Whatever.
Come again.
Do a what now?
There he goes.
So what?
I have a
chain that says
whatever.
You must be Indian.
It's like
see-through, sparkly
little girl
and I got it on a vending machine
in the 90s.
That's awesome.
What?
Yeah, I do have a dog tag.
I wore it for a while, but it's still weird.
I hear there's a lot of Heineken and other people in the room.
That's all I drink.
That was the only beer.
My whatever just fell off.
Oh, you used your last one.
You broke it.
You're out of excuse.
Thanks for calling MyFoneSupport.
This is that MyFoneSupport.
Our premium tech support is available 24-7.
Press 1 for software problems and viruses.
Press 2 for hardware problems.
Press 3 for warranty questions.
Oh, I wasn't paying attention.
Press 1 for help with the warranty.
Oh, because that means you're already a customer?
Already.
Yes.
Oh, there.
Whatever's back on.
Good.
Whatever.
That's so good.
That's what the bomb's sign was going to say.
Whatever.
I can't even hear her
fuck that place
stupid fucking place
I keep going back to these all over again
let me get
XYZ was going to send the number
yay
I bought six power
things that plug in the wall
in one spot so I can have more
lamps plugged in
twice the fire hazard
yeah that's no problem with that at all
you're going to daisy chain them too probably
yeah
I get like 20 of them
I got this one
that goes like
that's not helping my migraine at all
well
I can't really see what it's doing well
it kind of does like a water
type of effect
this is the Taco Bell
employee helpline
I didn't hear what the options were
shit
and I got these lenses for some laser
but the laser light's not
I'm not doing it until Friday.
That's crazy.
Calls may be recorded to ensure quality service.
For back-of-house computer-related issues, please press 1.
For front-of-house register-related issues, please press 2.
If you are a service technician, please press 3.
If you have a learning zone-related issue, please press 4.
Everything looks all cool.
It's got that rainbow-y click.
You should say smoke weed every day.
agent please stay on the line and we'll be with you shortly oh my god i was totally at at disneyland
this weekend and fucking suge knight was there who what oh i'm so pissed i didn't see him i was
at disneyland this weekend and suge knight was there you should have shot him hey no i had enough
trouble with the snoop you know he's probably in town for snoop dog no he's not they hate each other
yes oh i don't know there are a lot of people all those colors kind of like each other fat
Fat bastard, isn't he?
They do.
Snoop doesn't like Snoop.
None of those guys used to work with him like him, really.
The big guys, Dre or Snoop.
Looks so popper.
No, Dre's really sold out, though.
So what?
So what?
He made money.
What, are you going to hate?
So did Jay-Z.
I don't like Jay-Z.
All right, well, he's sold out.
He's on the old line.
Kanye West has been a sellout since he was born.
Oh, that one, Menos.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh, yeah.
Keep going.
What else do you...
Rick Ross is a liar, but so is Dr. Dre.
Whoa, poppers for the lid.
To hold for the next available agent.
Hey, you guys mute up when they pick up, for God's sake.
Yeah, shut up.
I do.
I got a mute button here.
Okay, Brian.
Oh, my God.
It's Roxy.
Hey, I don't even know if that's really how she talks.
You're getting closer with her voice.
Oh, Brad.
Awesome.
We're the singles.
Matt, you grabbed my ass
and squeezed it.
Give me a massage.
Brad's not laughing.
Matt's cracking up.
I'm laughing on the inside.
You're just afraid to laugh because she gets mad.
Yeah.
She's going to take it out on you.
Uh-oh. Fatal attraction.
Do you think she will come back, RVCP?
Five years, maybe.
Two years.
Keep wishing, Cain.
I would think the first thing she started doing
is a really long broadcast from YouTube directly.
Like, with a sign held up that says the fun show.
To call you back, please press 1.
And it'll be like chaos.
I'm down the line and will be with you shortly.
If it's hard enough, she will get back, right?
You start hard enough.
Gabriel, can I please get your name and start your number?
Yeah, hey, yeah, my name is Garcia.
I'm here with the rest of the front end staff, the restaurant staff right now.
I blew up my rectum.
And we're not going to work.
We're not going to have this anymore.
You've got to send a new team in here because none of us are going to work.
There's customers in here and a line going out the door,
and we refuse to work on any of this shit anymore.
We're not going to get it.
Fuck that shit.
We've been listening to this twisted shit for all day.
I hope for that.
We've been listening to Twisted Sister.
We're not going to take it.
Anymore.
I call back, but...
Every, like, month or two, I'll have a night where I listen to a whole lot of Twisted Sister videos on YouTube.
Oh, man.
Is Raffy McRapperson still alive?
Yeah, he's been posting stuff.
Really?
Yeah, he just joined ISIS. He's very happy.
have any of you other than uh myself watched uh jack tv's blog yet i've watched two days
calls may be recorded to ensure where would i watch jack tv's blog
youtube.com slash jack call you back please press one it's kind of it's weird because
Because in, well, the two that I've watched, right, he's ended up crying in each one.
So the whole thing, it starts depressing and it gets worse as the episode goes on.
And then he's just crying at the end, saying, what am I doing?
And like staring at the camera.
It's really weird.
It's actually youtube.com slash sniper BRB productions.
What?
It's a really simple URL to remember.
Very good idea, Jack.
activity i'll subscribe right now yeah i saw him go to the hoover dam he went down there and he ran
away from youtube.com slash user slash prank track what were you saying he ran away from bees
he was doing all this shit bees are scary yeah rappy's videos are all back up i'm so happy
yeah he deleted them no he just made them private okay i'm a gangster i'm a straight up g right
I think gangster life is the life for me.
Yay.
Selling drugs for the day.
Sitting occurred by night.
Oh, this Taco Bell shit sucks.
This Taco Bell shit is a waste of time.
Hence, I will stop calling him.
Okay.
Matt, are you going to download all of Rappy's videos so you can...
Yeah, save them for later.
I need to.
Because you know he'll be taking them down in a couple more months.
Yeah.
I've got two terabytes of space.
They can't hear me now.
God, they're talking all that time, aren't they?
Jesus.
Yeah, yeah, I should get on that after the show.
Listen to them go.
Hey, you guys can't hear me, right?
Yeah.
See, they can't hear me.
Yeah.
They can't hear me.
Stupid motherfuckers.
All four of you are stupid.
I'm getting another beer.
Make sure you don't mute so it's as loud as possible.
Yeah, please.
Oh, my God.
There was, like, one show we were all on, and I think Matt got up to do something.
He was making the loudest fucking noises through the call.
It was awesome.
Blah, blah, blah.
He had no idea.
I'm a girl.
Blah, blah, blah.
Oh, why are you sad?
Oh, my God.
Hold on.
And a customer service representative will be with you shortly.
Thank you.
Who are we calling?
Stupid Pizza Hut again.
We haven't talked to them in two days.
We need to place the order.
Hi, Pizza Hut.
This is Trina Mayer.
Start up for two minutes.
Hey, we need the order right.
Shit, that's loud.
Go ahead, Trina Mayer.
Oh, okay.
Uh, can you read me the special?
Can I have your telephone number, please?
Okay, it's 1-808-653-2014.
Would this be for pickup or delivery?
Pickup.
Pickup at which location?
Puppey P Road, near Iwa Beach, on, across the pizza, uh, across the Taco Bell.
Say it, Matt.
Hello?
Hello? Can you hear me?
Yes, in Ewa Beach.
Okay, uh, we are at four right now.
RBCP, what do you want on your pizza?
pizza uh double anchovies please okay no cheese right of course not no and no dough either okay
i'm allergic i'm allergic to dough yeah glutamate crust what's the ingredient that rbcp are uh is
is allergic to oh what he's allergic to yeah water water right right ladies so no water
all right hi matt thanks for not meeting your mic and neon what do you want on your pizza
No anchovies.
Fruit loops.
And fruit loops.
All right.
That's Roxy's favorite food.
I want gummy bears.
Mr. Crust wants gummy bear.
Skittles, Snickers, Reese's Pieces.
Can you put peanut butter on it?
Wow, that's uncanny.
Hello, lady.
On my side, can you just take a big shit all over the pizza?
Oh, I want to poop on mine.
I was going to say poop.
I'll share some of mine with you.
What do you want on yours?
How about let's take menstrual blood and semen?
I could help you out right now.
Oh, cool.
You have been storing semen for a while.
Lady, what's the total on that order?
Lady.
Mister and lady.
Hello?
Lady boy, answer.
Hello?
Hello?
You have them on hold.
What?
Hello?
Hello?
What about being on hold?
You're so stupid.
Hello?
Are you placing an order?
You're so stupid.
to get her to know that we're not on hold.
Okay, dummy, when you're ready to place a legit order,
they call us back.
Whoa, she's getting upset.
Okay, dummy.
Hey, dummy.
I've talked to her a lot, actually, that one.
She's the one manager.
We need the employee number.
I'll look at my knife.
What is it, two, trainer?
Yeah, two.
Wait till the lady comes back and says,
hey, look at my knife.
It's a stiletto, right?
Yeah, we're not impressed, Matt
He's got one just like
Two, right? Stupid
Isn't there a button?
No
Oh, you need the auto one
I know I do, but I liked this one
Because it's hot pink
Yeah, there they go again, not listening to me
That was the joke
Oh, I'm crippled, I drank and I broke my ankle
I want someday some poor nigger
To be stinking this out of his chest
I'm racist and I shock everyone.
I got killed with the pig, stupid faggot.
I drink every day with my alcohol.
I'm Brad.
I have a list.
I'm neon.
I'm a chick.
I'm fine.
I'm train wreck.
I sing every print of it.
What's your phone number, please?
1-808-911-666.
I'm RBCP. I'm a turtle.
I remember me and RBCP had a little game with a poopy head coming out,
and I was touching it, and he's like, Matt, it's like a little turtle head.
and then I'd put googly eyes on it
and he would poke it out at me
and then he would pull it back in himself
and poke it out
and pull it back in.
That was fun.
That was good times.
What intimacy.
I can't wait for the next PLA meetup.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, man.
Dark Stranger's gonna fuck all the guys in there.
People seem to think we're funny.
She couldn't handle it.
says the butt of the joke
butt
I get it
it's in your butt boy
it's in your butt
having a meeting now
alright they're calling again
how many people are in this call center
it seems really tiny
like 10
let's say about 10
and one manager always
there's the one young guy
the one young dude is actually kind of funny
he laughs every time he cracks up
I don't think so
he's actually kind of cool though
he's nice I never mess with him
I never mess with him
after I learned he was cool I just talked to him
like hey are they talking about this and he just giggles
nice
oh shit
anyway what
what was that one
that information number that was like
just a basement or something
that we're calling
for one
that was fun
A basement?
I like that.
Well, it was like two ladies, and they'd be like, what city, please?
And it seemed like a couple ladies with old computers just looking at you.
Yeah, they have to connect a line.
They're just looking up on their...
It was really strange.
Am I explaining it right, Brad?
Sort of.
I mean, yeah, we never figured out exactly what it was.
It was like, it was in, you know, it was calling information, but it was some number.
and it was just these like two women yeah frontier communications or something yeah
because there was a there was that other one that was like out there was a pay phone near
the pay phone back door i remember that one that one was fun we'll call them i think this is what
it is yeah it has something to do with the pay phone it's like when you call information from
a pay phone this is what you get or something yeah it's the back is is this the one is this
this the one with the two women though that one yeah yeah oh wow the first the 707 one yeah it's
the frontier communication something like that okay okay okay okay yeah i can hear the gears
turned in your pretty little head buddy thank you for using frontier communication solutions
i was right for quality purposes your call may be recorded one i don't know about the other one
Here, what city and state, please?
It's UGH, I think it goes, oh, like that.
UGH, technical school?
Yes.
Don't get an attitude with us, ma'am.
We're just trying to get a number.
Yeah.
The state is TR.
Hello?
Oh, they transferred us.
Hello, police.
Where did she get that from UGH, technical school?
It's in the Google machine.
It sounded
It didn't sound like one of the same ladies
Maybe they've revamped this whole thing
Carlito, what was the
White Day Vault, was it 30 or
Oh, on yours, I don't remember
It was in the 30s, but I don't remember
Tell me when I hit it, okay
Alright
You're applying
Are you hitting it or
You're not
Listen, turn up the red
Both red knobs, the one on the right side
And the one under your mic input
output okay like that there you go now you're activated that's echo so um it's after the echo
ones i think after a few of those you're going to hear the high pitched one and then the too
low pitch i think like that keep going a few more go like one at a time just keep hitting it i'll
tell you like that keep going like that how about this one did you turn on i don't hear effects
anymore this one there you go now we hear effects okay we want effects from dos no effects make it
go let's keep working on it during the calls it'll be funny we'll have fun with that effects
were pretty fucking cold yeah oh yeah that black sheep i liked a lot too yeah yeah and dude onyx
was remember onyx black sheep used to always that fucking that one song that it used to get like
Like, parties going, like, gangbanger-y, like, Mexican parties they go to.
They just get that fucking engine, engine on the line.
Like, people would be out, like, slamming to it and shit.
It would get fuckers all fired up.
That Judgment Night.
Yeah.
That was the shit movie, but a great soundtrack.
Hello?
May I have the city and state researching, please?
It's in hell.
Sir, you've called directory assistance.
Did you need a phone number?
Yeah, this is information?
Yes.
Okay, yeah.
How do I make a sandwich?
I need to make a ham sandwich.
You do realize there's a charge to call this number, don't you?
What?
I got a lot of money, motherfucker.
Money is no object.
Good.
So tell us how to make the goddamn sandwich, lady.
There's no charge.
Information.
We request.
Not the button.
Button, button.
She thinks we're stupid.
She's come to her attack.
Hey, let me talk.
Empire strikes back.
PLA strikes back.
Only one person talked.
Yeah, only one person talked.
Which number is this?
The one you asked about.
No, but there's two here.
You want me to do the other one?
Let me do the other one.
So is it the 28 or 23?
707.
Area code.
28.
I don't see a 28 or a 23.
Oh, yeah, they're both 28.
Fucker.
No, you fucker.
You're wrong, pussy.
I just will.
I will.
Remember in Netsworn Killer?
They're just like, what are you talking about, fucking hostages?
Why don't you just fuck her?
Maybe I will.
It's all up.
And then someone got killed.
Yeah.
How'd you know?
Have you seen it?
I saw half of the stupid thing.
I was like, fuck this shit.
It's too fucking weird.
I was like, there's too many cars in this movie.
Fuck this.
I love this fucking movie.
I just remember a car and the guy, and they ended up somewhere, and there was a coyote.
There was a coyote going on.
I'm like, this is gay.
I love it.
I love it.
I loved it back then.
Probably not so much that you did.
Whatever.
Me and Dr. Unk recently watched it, and he had never seen it before, and he really dug it.
So we had a little fucking date, and we enjoyed it.
That was a voicemail.
That second one is a voicemail, just to let you know.
No way.
Oh, it's the tracer machine?
They're not home.
They left the garage, so the machine picks up.
You put an answer machine on that.
Call the first one and ask them, say you're like a frontier technical person guy,
and ask, what number am I calling from?
What number do you see?
And they get pissed off.
Because it's like fucking lazy land lineman.
Doesn't have his butt set.
I think they can't tell, so it pisses them off.
Experiencing heavy call volume at this time.
What the fuck?
Heavy flow.
Heavy call volume.
because there's, like, two people calling in at the same time.
Speaking of menstruation, they're having a heavy flow.
It's not a good day.
Frontier Directory, may I help you?
Yeah, hi.
I'm a Frontier technician here.
I'm on a job.
I'm on job number 12-82-50.
Okay, what's your password?
Cross.
No.
Yes.
No, that's not correct.
Yes.
Oh, it's a password 123.
It's a cunt flat 5.
That's
That's awful to talk to someone like that.
Beef curtain.
It's got a five in it.
It doesn't mean the same thing.
I'll be recording.
Pussy laughs.
Heavy flow.
Okay, go get her.
It's actually one, two, three, four, five.
You gotta go all the way.
Dirt Carlita.
Look at this marker.
Look at how fat this thing is.
Dang.
Put it up your butt.
Put it up your butt.
What kind of marker is that, Matt?
It's a Luxor 810
permanent marker.
Have you used the Molotov kind before?
No, no, no.
I'm interested in that fucking thing.
Oh my god.
Flop would approve because he told me that graffiti
no-go.
Make sure you flap the paper up against your mic loudly.
Yeah, because that's...
Oh my fucker.
I don't know what's going on with this whole
broadcasting thing.
It's all new to me.
Do you have a mute button on it?
you should do that at least when you stand up to go get beer yes a minute ago it sounded like
i think i think brett's been telling me that for years we know when you're getting up matt
yeah we know we've bored you yeah and i always like acknowledge that i know it's doing it i mean
that when you pee it's funny it's cool when you do the peeing thing yeah that's cool well i usually
usually keep the headset on that yeah but yeah the clanking it down i i know okay i'll work on it
guys i promise but then don't forget to take it off again when you come back because you've been
doing it for so much longer than a whole new situation dude you've been doing it for so long
man i'll be like what the fuck are you guys fucking with me i'm talking i'm talking right
to you where'd you been and yet said to me you'll stop your show you'll be like i'm going off one
That's what you always do.
You get all upset.
When you take the mic up, it's new to you automatically.
And when you put it down, it's on new to you.
You sound like a robot.
What?
You sound like a robot.
You sound okay to me.
He does, rather.
Thank you.
Hey, guys.
I'm going to get going.
Bye.
Bye.
Basically, I just came on to tell everyone I uploaded a new video to YouTube.
And stop listening to Carlito and go listen to my video instead.
I'll do that right now.
Thanks, Brad.
YouTube.com slash users slash
Frank Trainwreck.
Yeah, don't forget Trainwreck's YouTube.
Alright, bye Brad. Bye.
Thanks for something.
Bye.
And I need Sky Premium.
Since he left, I need
the premium again.
Fuck, whatever.
Trainwreck, you aren't even using video.
You just want to look at Matt.
No, that's what comes up.
It's because I don't have the
webcam.
webcam you don't have the webcam no i don't have a webcam and i don't have the webcam i like i like
the better than a i am sounds more definite i am the train e the webcam yep hmm fuck yeah it's
really yeah the whole thing's strange i don't know why don't buy it it's his camera no no i can't i
I can't buy premium.
Yeah, me neither.
I mean, I'm looking right at
these motherfuckers again.
All three of them just piss me off.
Now it says premium
is chart changing.
Who cares about premium or whatever,
right?
Who cares about fucking Skype
premium?
What?
Why doesn't he just go to
tiny chat like he always does?
I'm in a bad mood today
Dan, I'm not talking shit about my friends.
I'm talking shit about my friends.
Oh, shit. Brad's listening now.
There's no way to even like...
Hi, Brad.
Thank you for calling Pizza Hut Live.
I don't worry anymore.
Can I set up for the phone number?
It's fine.
Your phone number?
What?
Your phone number.
Try and write your phone number.
Oh, 8...
1-808-653-201...
653-201...
4...
4...
I'm here.
Right.
Hello?
Hello!
Be nice, though.
Your phone number?
1-808-653-2014.
And is this for pickup or delivery?
What?
Is this for pickup or delivery?
Pickup, please.
Pickup at what location?
Papi P. Road?
Near the Taco Bell, right?
Yes, across the...
At the Beach Elementary.
Right.
Are you going to be at this location, baby?
Are you working tonight?
Not at the store.
Oh, why?
What store are you at?
Because I think you look hot, you know?
We can hook up behind the dumpster.
Hook.
And I can make you a little baby, a little chicken, you know?
And you will embrace it while I'm making love to you, right?
And that's it.
It's hung up by that.
Manager transfer.
Oh, God.
I hate to keep calling these people so much, but it's always just so much fun.
Yeah.
They seem to be okay with it.
They roll with it.
it's part of the job you know i did not know that no yeah it says it says right on
right on the sign and you gotta deal with all kinds of phone idiots yep it's on the paper
machine let's see it is on the paper machine what what uh you know the um the clip oh god
bill carlito where is it coming from from what video or what movie what show it's a porno
know pornography movie oh pornography movie if you go to like red tube or something and look up
oh god bill you find it pretty quick oh really i'm sure you could yeah if you google oh god bill
you can find the story behind it okay what it is where it came from i will investigate speaking of
neon here is a taco shop speaking of neon i don't know which one i don't know which one you mean
Papi P. Rode.
No, because I'm a girl or because I'm Hispanic.
Even what?
Take what you want from it.
Roxy, I thought you were a white girl.
She's Mexican by injection.
I like the noise.
Yeah.
My name is Roxy.
Hi, guys.
You know, there was one show where her voice was pretty, pretty shitty.
So it was, hey, guys.
I wonder if all kinds of people are going through all, like, like, uh...
I wonder how long I can keep them talking for without me.
I'd like to make an order.
Sure.
One Mexican.
What do you want?
One Mexican food.
Yeah, but what type?
What?
It should have corn.
One corn.
All right, stupid.
They're still going.
Not listening.
Be still, weirdo.
He is posting pictures with his fucking broad today.
I was like, oh.
God, dude.
All three of them.
It's like Gunner.
He's, he's.
Do you remember Gunner?
Do you remember Gunner?
Do you remember Gunner?
Hey, if you're going to be following me,
you're going to be following me.
Oh, yeah.
Facebook.
Facebook.
Facebook.
Hello.
I'm going to do this.
Hello.
Thank you.
Gunner, I haven't.
Hello.
Hello.
I have to make an order.
I'm just going to put it.
Ding, ding, ding.
ding, ding, ding. You guys sure are
talkative tonight. Sorry, yo.
Oh, that's okay. I'll leave.
Bye, John.
Bye. Bye. No,
you're really leaving?
Wait. Oh, wow.
Bye, edit.
I'm not just gonna jump
camp because you said I was talkative.
She does
that sometime. Okay, I'll come back
for math. Oh, it's Roxy. Yay.
Welcome back, Roxy. That's hilarious.
I love it.
I love how you pegged that voice
without even really knowing it.
Oh, did I? Oh.
No, but it's good.
It's a good fake voice for her, you know?
Yeah, it's because it's so stupid.
See? You're kind of like a girl.
They won't even listen.
I mean, you just have to listen.
You gotta do the voice analysis.
Hey, the first one's Tombstone,
the second one's Gunner.
Thank you.
They're in this chat.
tombstone yeah yeah do you have a tombstone there yeah well hello do you have a tombstone there
uh i don't believe so can you check in the back damn it matt can you check in the back
sorry fuck yo sorry sir man i'm sorry it's all right
it's too late
it's too late
unmute
tell her you're sorry
Matt unmute
tell her you're sorry
he's gonna be like for what
no that's alright Matt
aww Matt
come back
yeah I'm sorry
it mutes
my hearing too
so I can't hear you
That sucks.
Matt, say you're sorry to the lady on the phone.
Oh, hey, I'm sorry.
She hung up.
She hung up before she could hear you.
Call her back.
Are you guys going to talk to her
or just talk to each other?
Both.
Oh, that sounds like a threat.
It is.
I like threats.
They sound like threats.
Yeah, we are sorry, all right?
I just want to say sorry there, SugarTouch.
We'll make it up to you.
Is it cool?
oh well i guess not all right well we delivered a message that's all this is delivered um now what
do we do let's see everything's at a loss gemini bath and kitchen gemini what the fuck remember
in the exorcist 3 the killer was known as the gemini killer yeah of course you remember that
just offhand. I would because
I'm a Gemini, but I only remember
one and two.
The three's great. George C. Scott's
in it. That's cool. I was told
that it was really bad, though.
Two is really bad.
Three's excellent.
It's very good.
I'm giving it a big thumbs up
in my faded
can.
Was there any pissing in it?
no just the first one i think pissing did you know that just one way to make you
yeah i know i posted that uh when she says you're all gonna die down here
oh yeah this is on the floor that's the best movie ever it's really good so good i remember
watching that movie always came out at seriously like three o'clock in the morning i'm gonna watch
Watch it.
Fucking, I was so scared.
I couldn't even look at his face.
I don't know what you're talking about.
They're being really young and freeze frame and the howdy face.
Oh.
And that creepy fucking face.
Yeah, he's great.
Hey, Carlito, are you on Facebook, man?
I have a Facebook, yeah.
Yeah.
What do you mean?
Is it Carlito Prank?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
I'm sure he has another one somewhere, too.
Yeah.
Yeah, what's your private one?
I don't have one.
You don't get it.
Neon already gave her to me.
No, no.
Yep, she did.
How many times do I post on that train?
I don't know.
I don't watch Facebook very often.
Never, because it's not real.
Oh, my God.
Oh, snap.
Matt has it.
Matt's lucky.
Can you do it?
Yeah, I think so.
Matt, you're like, I don't even know.
Ideally, I don't know.
I have almost 500 people
on my network.
That's my mom.
That was my mom.
Say hi.
People saying hi.
French-Canadian
wanted to know who was in the background.
Yes, who is that pretty lady
in his little French baggy
voice on the grave?
I'm not sure that I said that, though.
You did, but she was, you know.
Yeah, that's how the transformation, the information is.
Yeah.
I transferred.
Yeah.
Transfer complete.
Telephone game, right?
Psychedelics.
Ooh, psychedelics.
What?
Somebody's selling psychedelics?
Coming up next.
Coming up next.
Psychedelic prank call.
Frog?
Shut up.
You're just talking about shit no one cares about.
I took that light to Amsterdam, too.
position trifling and not to be trusted a weak leak in the team and it's trusted lovers for
suckers too many enemies backpacks what's up nice oh cool what are you concerned where did you wear
you wore that there um you wore it at the airport i saw you wearing it at the chicago airport or
wherever you were yeah did you have a layover you did in england right no i went straight
as long as flight dude
nine hours dog
any perks did you get like a massage
I got free beers
no I was in super economy
seat
I got a
free beers cause I think the
stewardess the waitress
ladies felt bad for me
this old cripple at the back
of the plane I was at the very
last seat of the way back but I got three
of my beers for free
and those fuckers cost eight dollars what everything is expensive up in the air
yeah what airline did you go on united oh okay yeah i drank all the heineken so i had to drink
a 312 coming back into chicago that's pretty good because that's you know that's chicago's
area code so that's kind of fitting whichever that big amsterdam airline is that i've heard
they have a policy that if you're a couple and you tell them that you're on your honeymoon they'll
upgrade you on the way there if you just mention if you act like if you're just mentioning in
passing like while you're getting checked in oh oh yeah we're so excited we're here on our
honeymoon we can't wait to go to amsterdam and if they have it available i think i heard that it's
like an unwritten policy
where we'll do that for you.
Worth a try.
Because I just saw
forums where like
three people said
yep, happen to me.
Yep, happen to me.
I'm going to try that.
Yeah, hi.
I'm on my honeymoon.
I'm going on my honeymoon.
I'm on my honeymoon.
Do I get anything?
I mean,
what do you want?
What do you guys get
for like birthday
and honeymoon?
Give me something free
and I'll come in.
We do the tempura ice cream.
Oh, yeah.
This is my birthday and her birthday.
We have the same birthday.
Are you planning on coming in?
Mm-hmm.
So I'd like to make an order for two tempura ice creams to go.
Okay, give me one minute.
Okay.
Bye, Cardito.
Bye, Trainwreck.
Bye, Trainwreck.
Bye, Trainwreck.
Bye, guys.
I like that.
Oh, man.
Do you think that's why he made the name Trainwreck?
He said he was living by a big-ass train wreck two years ago in Canada.
Just living by her train wreck.
Usually they clean a wreck up in a day or two.
No, no.
You don't want to just...
Hello?
I thought he was a DJ.
Hello?
Hello?
Yeah, what, you got information for me?
So, we actually only do that for dine-in.
Where does it say that?
Is it in your charter?
I'm sorry?
Is it in your charter?
Are you going to show it to me?
I need to see your charter.
What section it says that?
Hello?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I want the tempura ice cream.
Yeah, the tempura ice cream.
Yeah.
Like, what?
Tell her you want to have your honeymoon in the restaurant so you can get the free ice cream.
You tell her.
You're the spouse now.
Oh, gosh.
Do-ba-dee-doo.
Yeah, Roxy, you're the spouse.
By the way, Danny?
Hi, I'm calling about the free tempura ice cream for honeymooners.
Yeah, that's actually only for dine-in.
Can I have my honeymoon in the restaurant so we can have that?
For birthdays.
Can we have our honeymoon in the restaurant so that we can have the free ice cream?
I mean, you guys can come in and have dinner here and then ask for some free ice cream for your birthday.
Well, that's usually included, but, you know, we might as well finish on your face.
Oh, yeah, exactly. I'll be doing that later, too.
So, what do you say? Can you put us for a reservation for tonight?
Yeah, what are you going to tell me?
Yeah, I don't know.
Do they hang up?
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know.
Tell me.
Is this your door?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
that beep beep beep that sounds like the one super mario brothers like song
the hang up noise
yeah hi can i have you yeah i wanted to make an order okay uh can i have your phone number
uh-huh you can what now number now you want to order right now right uh yeah don't be rude okay
Okay, it's 626.
No, you say you want to order right now.
And you're being stupid.
626-2014.
622.
622.
626.
Asian, do you have someone who speaks English there?
Hello?
Okay, 626-10-1.
626.
626.
My ma used to drive a car.
Hold on a second, please.
Stupid.
Damn, why are we...
Yeah.
Oh, dang.
Uh-oh.
Hi, Sushi Garden. This is Carol. How can I help you?
Yeah, so let's make an order.
I was given my phone number, and she doesn't understand English or something.
Okay, honey.
All right, honey baby, yeah.
What would you like to order?
I want to do that kind of order, yeah.
Put my hand behind my head and my elbows out, and I'm going,
Did you need my phone number?
He just told me he put his hand behind his head.
And it's that kind of order.
Yeah, dude, you know that song?
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun.
The water stage, are you trying to say?
I don't even know.
Which Super Mario Brothers is it from?
It's the water stage.
No, I think it's
Super Mario World.
Oh, is it the
third one?
That one?
No, it's
I'll find
it someday. I won't go look,
but I'll come across it and I'll be like,
this is what the fuck I was talking about, guys.
Let me get Benz added here
and I think I have this.
And I was just about to
fucking jet.
And go start setting up.
Is it this one? That, yes.
What's that?
This is the Mario World
main theme. It's from the first
Grand Prix.
Yes.
I'm going to go move things
and
and uh i will be on live in the next 22 minutes if y'all want to join uh yeah just call me when
you're on and i'll stop my broadcast on it okay all right cool all right later hi baz bye baz
hey matt bye matt bye roxy baz is bye matt bye matt hey man ufa okay how was your day baz how
How was work?
It was there.
It's over, right?
Time to have a beer, you know?
Swim some drugs.
Yeah.
All right.
Where you been, Baz?
You haven't been on.
You promised a Saturday show.
I know.
I was feeling too well on Saturday.
Oh, I'm sorry.
That sucks, yeah, because we were hoping you were going to do a show like you were mentioning.
Oh, well.
Maybe next week.
Maybe next week.
hit the block about six i'll be waiting
little bird nesting company let's see if they're open still
little bird nesting company it looks like it's a shoe store
broadway boulevard that's just yeah yeah you're not open i got it all right sugar sweet bakery
let's see what's up there let me look at their website first see what kind of
Stuff they make
Small batch stuff
They say
Okay
Whatever
They make cookies
Alright
And they make cakes
Okay
So pretty much everything
Excellent
We're located at Broadway Village, which is on the corner of Broadway and Country Club.
Our exact address is 18 Southeast Bourne Avenue.
Oh, yeah.
You can find more...
All right.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
All right.
It looks like Matt's starting his pre-music.
I'll put that in the background.
I'll wait for him to call me again, and we know he's ready, and we'll flip over.
At that point, we would recommend you go to Mixler.com slash Party Time Show.
Party Time Show.
And then you can listen to Matt.
Thank you.
Right, Baz?
Darn it, shit.
So we do what?
Work.
When they melt that plastic bottle, heat potatoes on sticks.
Heated toxic plastic bottle, burnt plastic bottle.
So again, you guys continue listening here.
We'll miss none of Matt.
You'll actually get to hear his music.
As long as he's playing music, I'll keep playing it.
In between calls.
HF Course.
Made in America dinnerware.
Is that a store?
It doesn't specify.
Probably not open.
This town is dead at this time.
Let's say goodbye to Tucson, Arizona, everybody.
Bye-bye.
Bye, Tuxen.
How about Yuma?
I've never called Yuma.
Yeah, Yuma.
I hear things about Yuma.
Lots of water and stuff there.
Oh, yeah? Lots of water? You guys covet their supplies of water in California?
I don't know. I think there's something about Yemo where it's like the desalinization.
Yeah.
It's something I don't know. I don't remember that in class.
I know in California, you guys will probably try to invade them in the coming race wars.
Colors.
Yeah, I like to make order.
An order?
Yeah.
What would you like?
One egg.
Wait, that one we saw you?
Give you one, well...
How do you want your egg?
Uh, I want the eggs with onion, tomato, pico, refried beans, rice, guacamole, sour cream, cheese, sauce, jalapeno, with tortillas.
Do you want it as a breakfast?
It's not breakfast time, stupid.
Okay.
What I should have done is ordered huevos rancheros and inhaled all that stuff.
Can I talk to her?
That's what I meant to do. What?
Can I talk to her?
Sure.
Sure, buddy. Here you go, guy. Here, guy.
Anything for you, Babs.
All right. Now we're talking.
Big guy.
Oh, yes. My brother just called in, and he was trying to make an order,
and I think there was some kind of a misunderstanding.
Okay. What do you like to order, sir?
Well, ma'am, I can barely hear you. You need to put the phone up to your mouth.
Are you ready to order, sir? I'm ready. What do you like to order?
Yes. I'm ready to order. I want the eggs.
Okay. What is the only breakfast we have, sir?
The only breakfast we have is the machaca, chorizo, and huevos mexicanos.
Yeah, look at that chorizo.
The caca.
Chorizo and eggs, okay.
Chorizo.
Caca.
Is that made with lots of bad stuff from the animal?
I don't know about the chorizo.
Yeah, chorizo is made out of bad stuff.
You know that?
I think it's a beer.
I'm not sure.
I looked online one time, and it's made out of lymph nodes and salivary glands.
Did you know that?
So it's made out of the organ that produces spit.
No, no, no.
Is that real racist?
Yeah, it is.
You're lying.
I looked it up on Wikipedia.
Chorizo.
Real quick, I looked up chorizo on Google, and it came up with a video, and it said something
about man gives Latina the chorizo, and I was thinking maybe it shows how it's like,
and it was not what I thought it was going to be.
Yeah, that chorizo is disgusting stuff, man.
It's like a penis that the man puts on.
I'll take it, though, because I like to eat disgusting things.
Hello?
They hung up.
They hung up.
Oh, my God, that was funny.
What's machaco?
I like how white guys say chorizo.
Chorizo.
Chorizo.
Chorizo.
Chorizo.
What's machaco?
It's a chorito.
It's a piece of shit.
It's like a wet burrito.
Gross.
Oh, no, they're pretty nasty.
Yeah, I don't like the wet burritos.
You should have asked her for the chon-chon.
I don't know what that means.
Let's call the YMCA.
But they said we're playing match music.
Shit.
Thank you for calling in the family YMCA.
This is Kathy.
Yeah, how are you?
You're good.
How about you?
I'm not doing good at all.
I'm in a bad mood.
What's going on?
I'm in a bad mood.
I've been cursing a lot of women today.
Do you have a card?
Okay.
What do you mean?
I don't have a card.
What do you mean?
Do I have to show papers?
Well, no.
Did you want information on the YMCA?
Yeah, on the bathroom specifically.
That's where I'm going to be spending most of my time, in the shower, in the bathroom.
Okay.
The best thing to do, if you could come in, we could give you a tour.
Oh, the bathroom?
Show you around.
What time is best?
When is there the most men in the shower?
That I can't really say, sir.
Oh, because...
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, when's the most women in the shower?
Because I'm going to drill a hole in the wall so I can see while I'm in my shower, you know?
Do the men's shower...
I'm sorry, can you repeat that again?
I'd rather not.
Can I see a plan, like a layout?
Because I want to see where I can drill a hole in the men's shower to look into the women's shower.
And also, is there an electric plug in there?
Hello?
Yes, hello, sir.
Yeah, do you have electric outlets in your shower or your bathroom?
Because I need to drill a hole in there.
Well, given the hazards of, you know, water being conducted by electricity,
I mean, I don't think that'd be pretty safe.
I mean, well, what are you trying to do, sir?
Well, you don't have one for me to plug in a razor to shave my pubic hair or anything like that?
Well, I mean, we do, but I mean, I don't know why you want to do that here.
I mean, you can probably do that in the comfort of your own home.
Wouldn't you think that'd be better?
No, no.
Well, no, I'm asking if that's possible, because then that's what I'm going to have a big orange extension cord.
You know, those big orange ones.
bring it down and I'm going to drill
a hole in between the bathroom
partitions and I'm going to drill a hole
in the shower wall
so I can look into where the girls are
showering you know
I'm a college student
that's what we do you know
you know those zany 80's college movies
you know what
I got a great idea
I don't know what
I mean he's really good he can probably fix you up
yeah is it the guy that turned you straight
supposedly
No, no.
I mean, I've been straight all my entire life.
Yeah, you do know this is the Young Men's Christian Association, right?
Yeah, I know that.
Okay.
I was saying, what are you doing there?
What am I doing here, sir?
I work here.
Oh, here's Mr. Baz, who's going to masturbate with me in the shower.
Baz.
Oh, here's the thing.
Yes, I'm going to join him, and we're going to engage in masturbation in the shower
while we look through the holes that we drilled.
You can talk and say anything you want, but you still...
Yeah, I can't hear you, dude.
Speak up.
Can you speak the fuck up?
I'm actually really...
I'm concerned about you.
Like, literally, right now.
Okay, yeah.
I'm so concerned about your health and well-being.
I think you need mental health.
I'm drinking, too.
I just went for you to hang out.
And we're doing lots of hard drugs, too.
Oh, no, that's...
Yeah, that's fine.
That's weird drugs.
Yeah, well, awesome.
That's awesome.
You got your life...
You got your life whole ahead of you.
I'm pretty sure you'll succeed in life.
You're going places.
Thanks, man.
That's great.
Do you think I'm a good entertainer?
No, not really.
No?
You don't think I do a good job?
What about to perform in the shower room?
Listen, here's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to hang up.
I thought you said you were going to wait until we hung up.
I thought you said you were going to wait.
Well, see, because I'm a responsible individual, and I've got work to do,
unlike you hanging on your ass and doing anything.
I'm on workers' comp.
I'm on workers' comp, actually.
it's their fault that i'm not working you know what i mean so don't start with me because i know
my rights and i'm in the union and i'm not doing anything wrong okay i'm not doing anything wrong
by sitting here on my ass because they pay me to do it motherfucker yeah right son of a bitch god
i get real upset when they what if he's gonna go pray for you guys good let him pray let him pray
I thought I was about ready to get a ticket
Because I'm holding my phone
Oh shit, don't do that, Beth
It's white, it's the other way
Somebody else is over
You need Bluetooth like me, man
I got a dick in my face
Yeah, is there a woman I can talk to?
I'm over to you
No, get a wife
Dude, get a life, dude
Okay, where were we?
Eula, that's right
Eula, meat market, let's see if they're open
Let's get some meat
BRB for me
Do what, man?
Do what now?
Asshole, how are you?
Yeah, motherfucker, how you doing, buddy?
Oh, Juan.
Ah, a culo.
What Juan, wey?
A culo, a culo.
Juan Angulo.
A culo, culo.
Candeo.
Sabes, sabes a culo, maricón?
Que traes tu, cabrón?
Yeah, tu madre, cabrón.
What a stupid thing to say, guey.
God, you got a loud car, man.
That's what's wrong with that effects.
Jesus.
Hey, how are ya?
About to make an order, one meat.
Hey, we are going live now, buddy.
10-4.
All right, no problem.
Everyone listen to Matt now.
Mixer.com slash Party Time Machines.
Party Time Show.
Yay.
All right, bye.
The link's in the chat.
We'll end this call.
Bye, Mr. Mexican.
And bye, Miss Mexican Neon.
Bye, Big Baz.
Bye, motherfucker.
All right, I'm done.
And in a little bit after I eat some food, I'll join Matt.
Okay?
Bye, guys.
See you later.
I don't have any outro music because I'm a stupid.
Okay, bye.
Kiki.
Kiki?
You bet.
You're sleeping.
What's going on?
You all right?
Ready?
Oh, you have a little indentation from the glasses that you fell asleep with on your
face.
I love you.

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