Madhouse Hospital Pranksgiving 2014

I do and maybe I don't.

They got no business negotiating.

In there with a...

For everybody in the yard.

Oh, is that right?

Do it now, we do it later.

Later ain't good.

Use.

It's anti-social.

We gotta go in, right?

Clean your clock.

Yes, it's time.

I hope you can hear me.

Hello.

Milkman's here.

Yay!

Milkman met him.

Oh, fuck.

Hey, man.

My day has been tripping.

I'm sorry, man.

My mother called me for Thanksgiving.

You called.

Fucking...

The dickies call me five times in a row and I'm trying to...

I'm trying to get on the show.

I apologize.

dearly yeah and you're an idiot thank you that's what i get for being nice you bitches

now the dead phone again what the fuck do you want me dead what do you push this button

it's gonna crash the last time it crashed hey brad can you take over for a second

okay thank you sorry thanks yeah and and that was madhouse live

now on to the next shows good night everyone yeah do you should do you think you should talk about

the whole fund thing or do we want to wait for carlito on that uh the fundraiser yeah yeah no

i don't mind talking about it i thought we were gonna do a couple pranks but uh apparently uh

carlito got caught up on something so yay or what do you think little man should we or should we

kind of hold up oh he's gone i don't know what's going on man i think it crashed the dead keeps

She keeps calling me every five minutes.

She won't answer.

I answer in the front.

She won't answer.

Perfect timing.

The nurse comes in right at you.

Yes, I did.

Thank you.

Tell her.

Yell at her and tell her, can't you see I'm doing a fucking show here?

The dead ruins everything.

I just see I'm breaking the law here.

Pat her on the head and rub her on the backside and tell her happy Thanksgiving, Armando.

Yeah, that'll...

Well, while we're waiting for her to come back with my pain medication, this is the

kickoff to the 24-hour prank call marathon.

Yay!

I wanted to note, when did we start?

We started at 05, 1005 Eastern, correct?

We were late because of me.

That's bullshit, because I'm ending my show at 10 tomorrow,

so it's not quite a 24-hour show.

No, I'm just kidding.

We should just wrap it up at this point, huh?

We tried.

Maybe next year.

Fast forward.

Yes.

Yes, that's right.

Okay, yeah, so I've been in the hospital.

I'm still in the hospital.

I'll get out on Monday.

Whoa, what was that?

Mr. Carlito, cut out.

Rest in peace, Carlito.

so apparently he just flatlined

alright now this show

he got a headphone I think he accidentally

pulled it out guys he'll notice

in a second here

yeah I heard the static sound

if not if that was him

hello

they brought him back to life

they hit him in the heart with an adrenaline shot

it worked

alright take over guys

stand back and click

this is like the movie

Pink Floyd the wall

where he's damn near dying but we the show has to go on man so um yeah well i guess i'll go ahead

and talk for a minute um yeah this is the 2014 um 24 hour pranksgiving special that um it's annual

this is my second one how many of how many of these have happened 24 hour shows on uh thanksgiving

um it's the third well i mean carlito does it every year on his own but was it always a 24

hour show or no this is the third year for 24 hours so as you know as prank call nation grows

you know it gets easier to do cool things like a 24 hour non-stop fucking show so here we are

rocking it out and it's good to i'm glad milkman joined us welcome milkman i don't know if i've

ever been on a show with you much i hear you all the time because i listen to a bunch of old stuff

when i'm at work so if i if i hadn't met you before nice to meet you milkman yeah i think

we spoke before it's an honor to speak with you bad dude you're one fun fucker dude i think you're

great man get a room a lot of good things over here at the network really glad to have you on

man thanks for having us out you and rp come and save the day thank you brother

now we do we do what we can to keep the the you know prank call community rolling it's all i have

life nothing better my friend nothing better because all ever everything else disappoints

you you still got this yeah i can have the shittiest day in the world in the world and

if i come in and get two three good calls in a row on a show night man it just turns the whole

fucking weekend around i love just listening sometimes on the old stuff and just sit there

and i'll just like go back in time i'll laugh my ass off to tears i'm man i love listening to this

shit man this is nine years for the madhouse we put on our thanksgiving special the ninth

thanksgiving special do you see like i feel like this is sci-fi and shit like because like we start

out so primitive dude phone cards telephones and all that bullshit microphones and stuff

like it's like sci-fi my gosh we got we got the ultimate dream community we dreamed of 10 years

ago finally now we've got ladies we've got fucking people on deal we've got fucking people from we

don't even know all these new talent dude it's like sci-fi for me i'm freaking out just that

just the uh the quality of everything in general because even listening you know just like you're

saying using the phone cards and stuff if i listen to stuff uh like some of the best of us and it's

like five years ago or more the the quality was just kind of shot you know things like skype

along and and now and now it's like fucking brilliant dude it's like radio quality as long

long as you have a good mic and a mixer so for real do we got bandwidth man back in the day

you didn't have bandwidth so you know audio quality always suffered man yeah but this is a

big improvement man it's amazing yeah oh okay well um enigma wants me to remind everyone that there

is no uh mixler chat room anymore we've disabled it so if you want in like he's around tonight so

if you want to join the irc i think you go to prank call nation.com slash chat and there's

instructions just follow the instructions and be patient like hang out hang out it's all manual but

yeah yeah there's a there's another channel pound help that's where you're going to hang out and

wait wait to be authenticated or authorized or whatever approved that's the word hey go through

the steps guys it's totally worth it man enigma is a good man who'll help you out you got colonel

clay mst3 clay these guys will help you out man get over in this in the pound help chat if you're

You're new to the chat, and you want to come on board, man.

We'll have our boy over here take care of you.

Mr. Clay is giving $5 in Bitcoins to every new chat subscriber.

So just message him.

Real quick, guys, just a few more minutes.

I'll be back.

I'm very sorry.

Thank you.

Oh, that's fine.

We can kick it off.

Not a big deal.

Fuck this shit.

I'm quitting.

Hey, we're all throwing five gold stars from the Madhouse, too, if you want to join.

Get over there, man.

You got Arby's deal, and you got the Madhouse deal.

you can't go wrong yeah and you know what i'm gonna i'm just gonna you know go ahead and because

i'm always putting out craigslist ads for thousands of dollars and so i'm just you know i'm gonna give

eight grand to anybody who joins the mixler chat tonight or our chat the next person to join

is gonna get the next person to join gets eight thousand dollars okay i at this point i owe so

much fake money that i'm willing to put another eight grand out there hell yeah

that um that's the approximate value of the new pla coin eight thousand dollars

yeah um so you could buy one you know like fifty dollars man fifty five sterling what's that what

is the value up to like fifty five dollars oh yeah yeah somewhere around there i stopped keeping

track it's just too much effort to keep track i can't keep i can't keep up with you the the

conversion rate just keeps soaring dude it's like man the value is just going up man i'm

I'm going to have to somehow get one.

I'm going to have to get one because I want to give it to my children someday.

There you go.

They only go up in value.

And to anybody who does just listen through Mixler

and they are now interested in the chat, it really is well worth it.

It really changes an element.

It's very interactive.

Most of the show hosts pay attention to it.

If you guys listen to my show regularly,

you will know that I turn to the chat room for ideas.

I make it a game all the time.

So it's worth getting in the chat.

you know and it it puts a new element outside of you know an interactive element so i steal ideas

all the time from the chat oh yeah dude it's a gold mine yeah and i get all the credit everyone

thinks i'm funny that's all yeah yeah i'm not funny you guys are collectively i just have the

balls to get on the get on the horn and say what you want to say okay i'm back i'm here all right

all right all right we already finished just bullshitting shooting the shit thank you guys

Did you guys get the particulars out?

I don't even know.

We didn't really talk about anything that you would have talked about.

Okay, good. Let's do a prank call real quick

and then we'll get to kick this off.

So it's official.

15 minutes in and we haven't done a call yet.

Yeah, that's a breach of contract.

But we've only been on since 7-0.

My show would have

another 30 minutes of talking before we do it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, Brad, you're going to do the dialing for me.

Did you get layaway customers, was it?

pull those up yeah yeah yeah okay give me one second then i have to i i had to reboot everything

so i'm gonna pull can i carlito can i ask you a question this chat room what do we still have

ernie's number i do not okay is that the horse guy yeah yeah he is yeah the original horseman

we can call guam and try to find him but last time i think he was in the states again so i mean

And who knows?

Yeah.

He's gone, man.

We've lost him.

That's all right, dude, because there's always something new.

New spark will come along, dude.

We'll find a new friend of the madhouse.

I hope so.

Better yet, an enemy of the madhouse.

I feel real out of practice, so forgive me in advance.

I think once you get one, hey, Arby, remember the one we spoke about today or yesterday?

Oh, yeah.

Let's pull that one off before I get off the air tonight.

Okay.

Because I'm not going to be on too long, guys, because I've got six hours I've got to do tomorrow.

Yeah, that's true.

Get down, baby.

Yeah, I know.

Train Rick had a drop.

He has exams, is it, or something, I guess?

Yeah, he had some exams come up, but I get it, man.

There's more important shit than this.

It's just it sucked that it was last minute, and I had to scramble.

But I've got enough co-hosts that are coming in and out.

I've got Lux with me tomorrow between 1 and 4, and then my regular guys between 7 and 10.

So I won't wear out.

i got enough people to do calls um so carlito can you read the skype chat easily or yeah i can i

can at the at the moment yeah okay i just posted a name this is a uh layaway at a retail store

i believe she did the layaway today okay she she got a 52 inch tree wait is that right

52 foot no it's got to be no it's inches it's inches it's just it's a shorter tree maybe she

she said tv maybe it's a 52 inch tv oh that could be i don't know she she got the time square tv

the rockefeller center tv let me make it that'd be awesome let me make a very quick test call

you can hear the ringing right you hear that lady okay yep okay all right here we go i'm gonna make

the call her name is theresa and she said she got decorations ornaments an angel 52 inch tree bows

Bows, fleece, and gloves.

Okay.

Yeah, I remember the lady that read me the...

Definitely a tree.

She was kind of muttering a bit, but maybe she said TV.

Anyway, okay, here it goes.

Okay, here it goes.

You have reached the voicemail box of 9-0.

It's like a four and a half foot tree, right?

Okay, this next one we're not going to talk about as much beforehand because it'd be pointless

because they're just not going to pick up anyway.

Right, what's the point?

Janice.

Ooh, I like that last name.

Okay, man, I'm so confused.

this whole setup of live shows and yeah i'm sober i swear oh she got up as a camel she better pick

up should i give her one more try yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah hi is that janice oh i was hanging up

as she said hello okay yeah hi is that janice why did you say i don't speak negro okay i'm

gonna get her what okay hello yeah is that janice oh who is he oh well i'm from the layaway you got

I got a candle lit today.

Your number wasn't saved, my bad.

Are you from Africa?

What you doing?

I'm calling on the phone.

Oh.

What are you doing?

To let you know something.

What?

This is not really me.

It's not really you.

This is my voicemail.

Mother fucker.

You was talking to me.

And you thought I was replying.

Oh, God.

That's brilliant.

Oh, crap, it's long.

You left me long.

Oh, my God.

You pressed the wrong thing.

Oh, God.

I'm so not convinced it's a voicemail.

I'm not either.

That was a very convincing one

because you couldn't understand

what the fuck she was saying.

Well, if you can't speak English,

that's a good place to start,

you fucking retard.

We just got beat at our own game.

We're 20 minutes in

and we just got our asses kicked.

Okay, here's Debra.

Good call, man.

Man, I love it, man.

I forget.

Ivy's going off, motherfucker.

You guys might have to take it.

Now Cross is going to get pissed.

Watch out.

Yeah.

You guys get to hear the beeping.

Hello.

Yeah, is that Deborah?

Hi, I'm calling from the layaway.

How are you, honey?

Calling from who?

The layaway.

You got some layaway?

Yeah.

I got you down here.

The computer just shows me a screen, you know, and it tells me what you got.

but we got everything mixed up um i've got here that you got lds bottoms yeah are you a mormon

yeah you are okay so these are like the special magical underwears that you got no i didn't have

no underwear isn't this the lds bottoms those are the mormon underwear right like the bottoms that

you wear for mormon people what place is this i'm calling from the layaway you got the shoes

a can opener yeah yeah so you're you're a mormon though because i'm putting in the computer

yeah but you got lds bottoms the computer says it's for mormons right yeah yeah but we also had

you your picture in your can on the cameras here that you were african-american uh-huh the computer

comes up with an error really big because black people aren't can't be mormon um so we need you

to get a signed document from your pastor at your latter-day saint organization okay we need you to

get it signed with the raised seal and you need to bring it in you hear the computer's beeping it

doesn't want me to put it in that you're that these are for you because you're black and black

people can't be mormons okay okay how long have you been mormon for hello you want me to do well

i need you to go to your pastor and get him to we have a form we need you to pick up and give to

your pastor that confirms that you're a black mormon so so that we can get these in layaway but

if you don't do it you're not going to get your um deposit back and you have 24 hours to do it

and we're going to put everything back okay okay and why are you part of an evil cult like that

anyway i don't even know what you're talking about i don't know i like the fade out of that one

seriously how would they i don't know what the fuck you're talking about i'll get you going

but yeah that's what it is right that's that's the um god damn that fucking beep i know it worked

well with the prank though yeah um call her back when you take take it real quick brad maybe ask

her i don't know if you want okay all right you can call my supervisor i like how you insulted

her race and religion all in one it was brilliant yeah now you gotta get the size of the panties in

you gotta get the size of panties 38s okay is that what that is bottom does she does she marry

Are you into it, or was she...

Yeah.

38 Petites.

Size 38 Petite.

Look at the computer.

Error.

She's gonna pick up now.

Just don't understand why.

We just need to know how she...

I don't get it.

Throwing that devil phone out the window.

I love the beeping, man.

We could actually work this into the skit,

like the alarm skit and others.

Let's build in tonight, man.

I'm disarming a bomb.

All kinds of reject signals there.

Reject you for all kinds of reasons.

Beep, beep.

who puts a can opener on my way for god's sake yeah were they like three two ninety nine yeah

she's an answer and i guess unless that's one fucking super special can opener yeah well i

can meet myself quick if jade if you wanted to you had something you wanted to talk about what

we're gonna be doing for the holidays this year yeah yeah yeah i'll go ahead and plug that all

right guys um probably uh for the next well i guess three and a half weeks yeah it's about

three and a half weeks. You're going to be hearing a lot about this. Matter of fact,

I'm probably going to quit plugging the PCN Patreon just out of the fact that we view this

as something much more important. As you guys probably remember, or if you're new, maybe you're

new and so you don't remember, last year we basically adopted a family. I ended up making

making a video called the year madhouse saved christmas um we there's this uh lady bow and it

kind of happened by random i guess to take it back and basically we i felt really bad i was

gonna prank her and you know mess with her as like a like an undesirable santa i guess would

be the best way to describe it you know um and i was gonna mess with her and then her situation

just man it tore me up i mean anybody who was you know part of my crew at the time

time they they can verify man as soon as i freaking read that i got them on the horn and i

could barely hold my emotions together um this lady was in a really bad spot and she was looking

for anything to you know save christmas so basically in four days um me and the other

hosts got together and we we made a fundraiser and we literally saved this family's christmas

they got their gifts after christmas because they lived all the way up in alaska and we

We were four days from Christmas, so it just couldn't happen right on Christmas.

But her family understood, and they got some really cool shit.

We raised her about $450 in four days.

And, I mean, the thanks that came back to us from Bo.

I mean, Bo came to our chat room and hung out and thanked us.

And, hell, she might still even try to come back around.

It's just now that we've switched, I guess, stations, we switched call letters.

Um, so, but anyways, we really touched that family and I couldn't have been any more proud

of everybody.

And I made, you know, a funny video and I made another video and I thanked everybody

like crazy.

It was pretty awesome.

Well, this year as, as, uh, probably in October, I think it was Carlito.

We were all talking, we do a little group meeting here and there, you know, all the

hosts get together and we just kind of talk about, you know, where things are and what

angle we want to take things, stuff like that.

Just kind of a little meeting.

And we thought, why don't we do something like that again?

And, you know, and everybody was like, yeah, that was great.

It felt great.

You know, it was amazing to see a group of Internet trolls, really good Internet trolls, get together and do something to show that, you know, we're not just complete assholes.

We just like to fuck with people, but we still care.

Right.

So I was given the task of, well, could you find another family?

Well, I really didn't want to put out fake Santa Claus ads and sift through the sad ads looking for the next one to make me cry.

So I thought about it for a while.

And what I did is I'd gotten a hold of the Salvation Army, my local Salvation Army.

I live in an area that was hit pretty hard by automotive shrinking, okay, the globalization of automotive, you know.

And so basically I got a hold, you know, and I saw, I was like, there has to be some local family, right?

So I got a hold of Salvation Army because I figured they know families, right?

So I got a hold of them, and it turns out Salvation Army actually has a really cool program called Adopt-A-Family.

and so i was like well shit tell me some more about this and and basically it works like this

you know they they give me a list of names ages and then the family has a wish list and they

always look they said we don't look for families who are there because they just don't do nothing

right they don't look for oh well you know mom's been hooked on crack for the last 15 years so the

kids don't get anything for christmas and they say you never you never really know sometimes you know

Yeah. Yeah. And so they they actually try to find somebody who is just, you know, down on their luck is a good term. Right.

So I said, well, I guess I said, we're very interested, you know, and I got with everybody and everybody said, yeah, let's let's see what they'll give us.

So I got this story and Bo's story was sad, but this story is even sadder.

So, hey, Arby, did did we go live with the fundraising page? Is there a link on the front page yet?

or do i i just figured people we would just tell people where it is okay okay that's what we'll do

then um so um i'll put this link up here in just a minute in the chat room and we'll start sharing

it for everybody but um um and you can read my write-up but basically i'll just read it to you

i said hey guys it's that time of season again you know the one where we indulge ourselves in

consumerism so we can compete in the who has the best shit game well this year pcn is adopting

another family that is in a tight spot, so they too can have some cool shit for Christmas.

But in all seriousness, I found a really sweet family that is truly in need of our help.

The mother's name is Jeannie, and until last year, well, a little bit more than last year,

but until last year sometimes, so it's been like a year and a half, she was working full

time.

See, Jeannie has three kids, and her youngest has braid tumors.

that require constant care and do her, uh, uh, con constant absences from work. Uh, she lost

her job. Um, you know, cause she pretty much had to make a choice either. That is totally

inappropriate. Sorry. Funny. That was actually an accident. But, uh, so, um, so now, so now

Now, basically, you know, due to that situation, she she's living on Social Security income for her youngest because she's basically, you know, since she can't work, you know, the government stepping in, including in giving Social Security because she has to somehow pay for this child and get all the help she can.

And apparently the awesome dad, he contributes, too, for the youngest kid.

But it's through garnished wages, so we can kind of see what that situation is, right?

And, you know, the kid, the poor kid, you know, I'm not using names on purpose,

and I really don't want to get into that.

Matter of fact, I was told for privacy reasons, just be real vague, you know.

know so um anyways and you know just to give you a little backstory of the situation this kid is in

is uh he actually lost his sight not too long ago um does he try trading them in for a new one

what's that nothing go ahead oh no oh my god jerk stop it i'm pulling on heartstrings jerk okay

sorry we can make we can make that joke it happened to me let me turn up the sad music

did it really yeah okay i didn't know that um well he lost his he lost his sight but they were able

to go in and they removed a tumor that was pinching on his what do they call that the optic

nerve i think it was pushed on there and that was making his sight so it was damn near gone and they

were able to remove it and his sight's back you know it's probably a little goofy still just

because you know that kind of damage can be long last well that's insensitive that is but you don't

it's it's i'm ashamed of you stop it i'll stop i'll stop i'm quitting no no no no no

And, you know, and, and, you know, I guess to get, to get back to serious, cause it's

hard to talk about this shit without getting emotional.

So I actually thank you guys for the jokes.

It helps keep me a little bit in pace here.

Um, anyways, um, and you know, the worst thing of all is, you know, the doctors aren't sure

if he will recover, um, altogether.

They, I mean, they, they, they said they don't, they don't want to speculate.

You know, they go in, they take out what tumors they can, if tumors start to grow

again, that kind of thing.

but um it you know in all honesty it's affected the family big time you know the other two children

they've had to grow up extremely quick uh dealing with this stuff they've had to learn to go without

um you know they it's one of the stories that the lady from um what's

it called the salvation army

the lady who runs this program one thing she told me is you know like when she was interviewing the

children one of the things that they said is you know it's the oldest child said to her um and

And he's he's at an upper teens. And he basically said, you know, it's it's it really is, you know, it's really hard because there's been days when, you know, he'd go to school and he'd come home and the power's out.

And it's going to be out for the next three days, you know. So, I mean, they're choosing food or electricity.

They're in that type of spot right now, you know. So there you go. That's better. Sad music.

It's like, so as you can imagine, man, that's just a bad spot.

You got to, you got to somebody who was trying in life, but they had to choose, you know,

and it's not even really a choice, right?

I hope any of you would make that same goddamn choice.

If you had a child who needed your constant care, you're going to go ahead and accept

poverty.

And if it's your brother or sister, you're going to accept that this is the way it is.

It could be worse.

Our, you know, our siblings still here.

So, you know, I'm not here to make us all bum out.

I just wanted to really get the story out there.

And you could read about the story.

And I really think when I read this one, I thought, this family freaking deserves it, man.

There's no way around it.

There's families who struggle.

But this family, I mean, what we're on the verge of doing here, because no matter what, they're getting something.

What they get, that's up to us.

And we're creating memories, okay?

And what the doctors had said is they don't know.

So for this family, these may be some of the memories that they have of the youngest if, unfortunately, cancer wins.

And brain cancer is not a joke.

If you've ever known anybody with brain cancer, it's not like it's a 50-50 fight.

You know what I mean?

It's one of those really tight fights.

So anyways, we're going to set a goal of $500 this year.

We have three and a half weeks.

We're kicking off tonight.

I'm going to throw the link up in a minute.

And the last night that you can give is Tuesday, December 16th, because I have to have all the presents bought.

And I did receive, just so you guys know, I did receive a wish list that Salvation Army makes the family fill out.

I received a wish list, and it's really basic stuff.

They're not saying, oh, yeah, an Xbox, you know, it's nothing.

It's like shirts, socks.

Unfortunately, that would probably be on there if that was something that, you know, but what they're, what they're, you know, things like clothes, you know, probably little things that, you know, most of us just, you know, you know, say you're a high school student.

You just have, you know what I mean?

You just have these kids.

kids, I don't think mom's taking them yearly school shopping. So, you know, it'll probably

be nice, you know, that these are the things they probably want, just simple things like that,

you know, so it's real basic. Anyways, the goal is $500 this year. If we get $500, because I don't

have to go with their wishlist, I can get them whatever, you know, so if I buy off of the

wishlist, it's fine, but I can see the avenue that they're going down. And then I have to include

food, ingredients for a Christmas dinner that the family gets to cook up and make. So

I'm going to donate my ham that my work gives me every year. And then, you know, on top of that,

whatever else the money can buy. So $500 is the goal. I really hope that we can, you know,

come together as a community again. I know the community has grown since last year. I think my

video and the fact of what we did proved that, you know, we're not fooling you guys. We're not

They're going to take the money and run kind of thing.

We're giving.

And so if you guys could, I would really appreciate it.

Let me get that link up right now.

Yeah, what's the website?

I don't remember.

It's Christmas something, right?

No, no.

Well, the actual address, the thing is you go to www.printcallnation.com slash fundraising.

There's the story and the donate button.

So here in Hex Chat, you now have it.

We'll get it up into a post.

And you guys are going to see a lot of this, so sorry it's going to seem kind of annoying.

You don't know what it is at gloryfoamfoundation.com.

That's a better site, though, really.

What's that?

I said that's a better site, though, really.

Yeah, so after you go and donate, feel free to get a free membership to gloryfoamfoundation.com.

So anyways, guys, I hope you can give.

If you can give a dollar, it helps.

So, I mean, if you can give five bucks, it helps.

if you can afford 20 great i had a couple people last year who got around like 50s and stuff like

that so whatever you can give will help again i will make some kind of video this video will

i'll try to format it a little different in the end you know but it'll be a video

to show that you know what you guys did mattered and changed um and if um it right on the bottom

here it says if you are interested in donating via paypal to pcn saves christmas at prank call

nation.com so or you can just click the donate button at that link so um that being said guys

you know let's have an awesome 24-hour show you're gonna hear every host bring this up and you know

and it's it's fine i mean you know we won't try to waste too much of your time this is just the

big spiel right now so everybody understands uh the work that i've been up to the last few weeks

getting all this ready. So, um, let's do it. I prank call nation community is a beautiful

community. I put so much effort into this community and here's your chance just to give

back because I don't want a paycheck from you guys. But if I get your gift to me is if I get

to go fucking shopping and shoot some video of me shopping and getting all this stuff together and

boxing it up and bringing it, you know, wrapping it up and bringing it down to, you know, the place

where they'll pick it up and you should go down their chimney i'll try that yes try not to get

shot but yeah it'd be awesome and if nothing else we'll just do like you know like oh i get it we'll

just while they're sleeping we'll just kick in their door and we'll just surprise and that'll

work out sneak into their bedrooms down yeah no you guys don't worry just mess around so anyways

that being said let's continue are we um donate guys i know we could do it five hundred dollars

dollars in three and a half weeks ain't shit compared to 450 dollars in four days so i know

we can do it um you guys are a great community so i have my dad with the show no fan does drugs

all right everybody yeah listen oh i share i share and i will donate if they can come close

enough i will give them a handful of this shit i promise

listen i love you guys man you guys seriously no i want to i want to take one moment and

tell you guys i love you guys you guys are really great oh you know we we have a lot of fun at other

people's expense yeah not everybody out there appreciates it but i do want to say we do have

some good people around here and even though we have a lot of fun there are some good people and

i i got to commend you and i want to say thank you so much on behalf of the human race man we

got a few nice people in here and i know you kids out there are laughing i'm like oh this is a bunch

bunch of bull hooey but sometimes you know in life man we all got problems and you know someday

it may be your turn you know and maybe you're having it now you know just just remember man

you know there's other people in the world too that have suffering and i'm glad to hear you

doing it man thanks all right let's say we can we can do something positive here we fuck around all

year let's do something positive we did it last year we'll do it this year i can vouch i can vouch

for the adopt a family thing because i worked at a company for four years and we did it every year

It was a great experience.

Let's use some positive.

Help Jaiad.

We'll help us out with that.

Jaiad, thanks for bringing that up.

Can I give an incentive to everyone to donate?

Yeah.

Okay.

If we make it to $500, I'm going to prank the family.

No, you're not.

I'm going to do a horrible prank.

We've got to tell them at the end, right?

We've got to tell them at the end.

No, no.

We're going to leave them scarred for life.

Unfortunately, I don't have that type of connection this year.

Last year, I fucked my own family.

but um hey and just to build on what milkman said he is absolutely right um i'm doing pretty

good these days i've gotten ahead um five years ago i was uh pretty much homeless so um it can

happen to you too i mean so this is there's a reason why i give a shit about the people who

need okay it's not just because you're a good person at heart no it's because i i've been on

on the other end okay all right armando remembers that i was homeless in la you know during that fun

time there i had in la i ended up homeless guys so you know i never did bring it out but i just

want to tell you guys it's not no freaking fun it can happen to the best of us yeah he was living

in a storage facility for god's sake yeah dude i mean i actually wrote this little mini book on

how to survive on less than 20 a month dude wow yeah well shit yeah remember that milkman took

and the lady found it the next day you remember that

I never disclosed this

at the time because I was so ashamed

guys right I mean I felt

but now the

secret is out dude many years back

during all those crazy stunts

because for that time after I wasn't working

I was on with guys so

I just ask it you know just consider

giving kindly you know the kindness of your

heart man if you have

a couple bucks and a dollar

All right, let's do some prank phone calls.

Let's not disappoint these folks.

God, because we got over 200 people listening.

People are flipping out in the chat room.

Hey, Arp, can't you eat those shit in a microwave and cooked it once?

Yeah, but I was 16 and high and drunk for the first time in my life.

That's no excuse.

Hey, Arp, because I got to go soon.

Can we try to pull off that prank that we talked about?

So you get somebody on the line

As a person at a store

And piss them off

And then get them to want to speak to your manager

Is that okay with you, Carlito?

It's Carlito's show

As long as it's a prank, I'm happy

So we're going to talk to Ebony

She brought dressers

Just get her to want to talk to the manager

And we'll be all set

This could be a good idea

I think it's going to take a few tries

Hello, Ebony?

Yes

Hey, this is Roy over at the layaway department.

Uh-huh.

And you got those dressers?

Uh-huh.

And I just needed to let you know, we've gone ahead and donated two of your, you got five dressers, right?

Well, my friend was with me, and she had one in my, yeah, in my layaway with mine.

I have four.

Four, okay, four, and then she has one?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, because we've donated two of those to the Goodwill.

It's like a thing we do starting on Thanksgiving, and we do it all through the holidays.

So you're only going to get three dressers for the five that you paid for?

or that you're going to pay for, and two of them are being donated to charity.

Okay.

So you're only going to get three, just so you know.

Okay, which ones did they donate?

I don't know.

They just picked two at random.

Wow.

Okay.

They probably picked the most expensive ones.

I don't know what the price is.

I don't actually have your sheet out here myself.

Yeah, they were $59, and they were marked down to $29 today.

Okay, all right.

Well, that's good.

That's not that much then.

so you basically what i'm saying is you donated two dressers valued at you know 29 or whatever

they were but you still have to pay for them well it's a charity it's a donation thing it

helps the less fortunate people right and i understand i'm just saying how do they pick

oh it's just random they just they they're like they they base it on what the attitude of the

person was at the counter you know they're just like oh yeah let's let's use that ladies

for the donations it's it's completely up to the layaway person and yeah so um you're going to get

three dressers but you're going to pay for five so um i don't know you said your relative maybe

she maybe you could just not give her hers and you'll get four i'll try to tell her that i don't

know how that'll work but i mean i guess i'll tell her that it's tax deductible so you know

just file it we'll give you a receipt and it'll be like a donation thank you so much and um also

stupid bitch also oh hey come on none of that it's not her fault um the layaway lady you know

mary right she's the one that checked you out yeah it was two of us uh-huh yeah she um she says

you stole uh there was a a change container on the counter for like jerry's kids or one of those

i don't know because it's gone now oh no i haven't touched anything you can go back and run a camera

i don't have a reason to take anything we looked on the camera and we saw on the camera you you

you took one of those money things they probably didn't even have five dollars no no no i have

never taken anything i have never stolen anything it was me and my friends standing there together

it was me and lily beason i purchased all of my stuff and i don't know if lily took anything but

i have never stolen a thing a day in my life oh no we know it was you because you're the one that

paid right oh uh no we we hung up two separate things and i could me and her both can come over

there and you can see me and her well we know you can run the tape we saw the tapes no we saw

we know you both look like okay and which one was ebony i don't have to tell you anything because

i'm not the one on trial i'm having on some clothes so um well i'll put my manager on too

i'll put my manager on it that's fine because i have no reason to steal anything i don't see

what your attitude problem is i'll put my manager because you're telling me that i'm donating a

chest or drawer then you're telling me that i took something i have never stolen anything a day

in my life yeah yes i would love to speak with your manager now a thief would say the same thing

of course you know oh lord jesus okay well can i speak with your manager all right he's hold on

hey jihad come here this lady because i have never taken anything out of a store so if they

go back and run the tape i haven't sold shit hey here's the manager hello this is jihad okay that's

fine hello hello hi this is jihad i'm the night manager now yes because i want to get a clear

understanding of this because i have no reason to steal anything i came into the store this morning

me and my friend lily beason we had five cheshire drawers i have four she had one okay we stood up

at the counter if you run the tape back it was two girls it was a dark one and a light skin one

i'm the dark one i paid for the dresser i bought a catacomb chest the catacomb i swiped my gift

gift card which was for a hundred dollars hold on let me get my receipt okay because i have no

reason to listen um no i don't want to be false ebony ebony i think i already know what the could

you hold on just a second i think i know what the problem is um ebony was roy being um a little bit

rude there who is roy right the guy you were just talking to was he being a little bit yes he was

It was because he just called me a thief.

Ma'am, could you just hold on just a second?

Roy, come here a second.

What?

All right, Roy, what did I tell you about talking to customers?

You ever talk to a customer like that ever again?

Don't you ever talk to a customer like that.

You hear me?

You are nice.

Ebony, Ebony, I am so sorry for Roy's behavior.

You can't hit me.

No, I need to clear this up because I don't want anybody thinking I did anything.

I have no reason.

I will give justice right now.

Come here, Roy.

Get your hands off me.

Ow.

Stop it.

Okay, Ebony.

I think we've settled this matter.

I don't think Roy's going to ever talk to you like that ever again.

Hello?

Yeah, I'm here.

I'm here, Ebony.

Roy has just pushed the buttons here too much.

We got this thing settled now.

I think this is good justification, right?

My nose is bleeding.

Okay, can we please, can we get a clear understanding of something?

Bloody motherfucking nose.

Yeah, yeah.

But, man, my adrenaline's pumping so hard right now.

I just punched him in the face like six times.

I don't know if it felt so good.

Okay, I have a question.

Hello?

Yeah, I'm here, Ebony.

What's up?

Okay, this is Kmart, right?

Yeah, absolutely.

Jesus, I've been wanting to hit Roy for so long.

This guy's had it coming, man.

I have nothing to do with you hitting Roy or anything else.

Yeah, but no, no, no.

But, Ebony, no, no.

We need to get a clear understanding.

I did it for you.

So I need you to, if he goes to districts with this,

Can you please say that you heard him hit me first or something?

Hold on for one second.

I can't lose my job, Ebony, and I like you.

We will get this straight.

You know what?

I'll throw in a – do you need a computer desk?

I have a great computer desk.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

If the district manager finds out I just hit Roy like this, I'm going to get fired.

Will you at least, please, can I please tell the district manager that you heard, he hit me first.

Please?

What is your name?

My name is Giad St. Clair.

Spell that for me.

I'm the nighttime manager, so officially I'm an assistant manager.

Okay, can you spell St. Clair for me?

Can you spell St. Clair for me?

Yes, S-T-C-L-A-I-R-E.

Oh, Jesus.

I can't believe that just happened.

Okay, now, hold on.

I can't hear you.

I can't understand anything.

Oh, my God.

Okay, your name is what now?

Giad St. Clair.

J-I-A-D, and then St. Clair, S-T-C-L-A-I-R-E.

Oh, my God.

I have never just attacked a man like that.

All right, and what was the night manager's name, Roy?

Ebony, please, will you please promise me that you'll tell the district manager?

Because he's already on the phone.

Okay, while I got you on the phone, what is the number to the district's name?

What is his name?

No, what's the number to the district?

Because I don't appreciate him calling my phone, telling me that I had something that was donated to the sheriff.

I think we're good.

He's not going to call you and be rude ever again.

Oh, no.

He called me and said that I stole.

Hold on.

He's bleeding all over the place, Ebony.

I don't care.

I have nothing to do.

I don't even really care about that.

No, I know, but I did it for you.

For him to call my phone and say that I took something.

Hell, if he wrote.

Oh, yeah.

You don't deserve that shit.

Fuck him.

I'll do it again.

You want me to go hit him again?

No, I won't.

I won't.

Oh, you've released the beast.

Hello?

Yeah, I'm here.

I'm here.

Oh, my God.

You know what?

I'm going to go beat the fucking shit out of Eddie in electronics now, too, man.

That guy, he's been stealing my fucking lunch, man.

Yeah.

Released the beast.

Okay, excuse me.

Is there a manager that I can contact in the morning?

No, I am the manager.

G.I.

St. Clair.

I'm the nighttime manager.

I'm saying, for him, first off, my stuff has been donated that I put in the layaway.

I know.

No, no, no.

Here's the thing.

Let's work a deal.

If you go ahead and tell the district manager that you heard Roy hit me first, if you tell him that, I'll get you those two desks, and you know what, I'll throw in, I got this computer desk that was returned, I'll give it to you for free.

No, thank you.

I don't want anything for free.

I don't want anything.

Well, I'll get you your two back, but please, will you please tell the district manager that you heard him come up and hit me first?

Please.

I can't lose my job.

Hello?

Can you get an understanding here?

My parole officer would be pissed if I lose my job.

Hello?

Yeah, no, I'm here.

what's up sorry ebony go ahead i'm just i'm so comfortable with adrenaline and i'm gonna go beat

the shit out of you okay i understood your adrenaline but this shit here makes no sense to

me for him to even fucking call my phone and say that i took something off a fucking counter i

don't have reason to steal i work my ass off every day i beat the shit out of him man he's

bleeding all over the place no no no no that's not what i'm trying where is this shit coming from

on is what i want to know because if anybody can go back and replay a fucking tape they have coming

up no i haven't took shit oh shit the tape oh fuck i didn't even think about the tape the tape

has me punching them right in the fucking nose holy shit i'm screwed ebony i am totally fucked

okay uh what is the manager for the morning uh that his his name is john okay last name uh tinkle

tinkle john tinkle yeah tinkle okay could you okay i understand all that could you spell uh

what is the phone number that i can contact someone in the morning it's uh 901 um six six

four uh three two eight six you know what i if you if you're okay because i'm gonna have the

regular no i'm not okay um here's what i'm gonna do ebony i'm gonna have i'm gonna have the actual

store manager call you okay i'm going to actually have him call you when he gets in a manager's

number and i want to know where this bullshit comes from the actual store manager's number is

901-664-5564 that's his number okay and and we'll we'll deal with that but when you talk to him

well here's the thing we'll get your we'll get your name cleared i'll put in a good word for you

and then in turn when my manager when when my manager calls you can you just say over the phone

that roy was provoking me because that they can't tell on the tape right they can't tell that he was

sitting there calling me an asshole and i'll say oh we'll say that he threatened to fucking uh

no listen listen listen listen listen i'm listen i'm i'm first off i'm a christian i'm a mother

and i don't get involved in bullshit i believe in god too and we should stick together on this

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I want to know, how did my name come up with saying something was taken?

If you roll the fucking tapes back, you can see.

I don't know.

I didn't look at the tapes.

Roy called me, and I punched him in the fucking face.

Okay, and that's what I'm saying.

So where did Roy come up with this bullshit at?

I don't know.

He's bleeding, and I think he actually got in his car and left.

I don't care about him getting in his car and leaving.

I'm trying to clear my name.

So here's the thing.

Here's the thing.

I gotta go try to

stop him from calling the cops

so listen Ebony

I'm gonna have my manager call you

no no no

I have no time

that's not gonna work

why not

I thought you wanted to talk to my manager

I do want to talk to your manager but I don't indulge in

bullshit and I'm pretty sure

you saw where I swiped my gift card

to pay for my catacomb

which my total was more than

then hey how about this if i didn't see anything you didn't see anything and then roy's just a

fucking liar at that point hello well roy's a fucking liar to say that i took anything any

goddamn way in the turn he's a liar to say i punched him in the nose hold on what no listen

we got this again no no no no no no why okay why would i take anything and then purchase

something at the fucking layaway what's that in your problem doesn't matter to me i i'm gonna

gonna lose my goddamn job if this gets to the district manager i mean this you gotta understand

i'm already on probation here because of the other incident okay so i i think you're free and clear

i need you to stand up for me and i'll stand up for you i don't think i'm free and clear

if he's picked my name and listen he's picked my name up out of some bullshit i have no clue what

the fuck he's talking about yeah that's my phone he tells me that my shit that i put in the fucking

lairway has been donated to a fucking charity listen if i want listen if listen i and i feel

sorry for the less fortunate i can't help that yeah they probably smoke no no no no no if i

needed it my that i work for and i put that shit in the lairway i want my daughter's shit for

christmas listen i purchased the catacomb from there today i purchased a catacomb and two for

the sahisian dog brand body wash i will bring that shit back to this return and i will never

spend another fucking penny in this store as long as i'm okay with that i'm okay with that

if you just go ahead and if my district manager talks to you or you know what you know what

You need to speak with the manager.

If you guys can work something out, I can stay out of jail.

What do you mean, work it out?

If I'm dancing, what am I working out?

Well, you know, the thing is, I don't know.

I didn't see the evidence.

Maybe you did steal, and maybe you need me, and I need you.

If this shit, we could use each other to get away with whatever we did.

Hey, hey, hey, let me tell you something.

I have no reason to steal.

I work every day.

I have no reason to take nothing from anybody.

So do I, and I fucking snapped at work and did something crazy.

Maybe you came to the store and you snapped and did something crazy.

I'm not judging you.

Oh, my God.

I have no reason to steal, but what time do you all close tonight?

Tonight we close at, actually, tonight's hours are weird

because we're actually going to close at 1130,

but we're actually going to re-open back up at 145.

Let me just get my stuff.

Okay.

So kindly find my receipt, $70 for that, and hold on for just a second.

This is my layaway, this is my layaway, too.

I will be returning that.

Okay, that's fine, that's fine.

But when the district manager calls, and I'm almost certain he's going to based on the conversation it looks like Jeannie's having over there, I really, Ebony, I really.

Okay, is it another manager that's there that somebody's having a conversation that I can speak with?

No, but she's on the phone with somebody, and she keeps looking at me like I'm...

Okay, well, give her my cell phone number.

Have her to call me right this minute.

I will. I will.

I'm waiting by the phone right now.

No, please stand up for me, and I will definitely...

What is her name?

Hello? What is her name?

No, no, Janine's on the phone.

She's probably on the phone with the district manager.

Okay, can I have the district manager's number?

Hey, G-Ad.

G-Ad, I'm back.

Guess what?

I'm back.

Hey, Roy, get out of here.

Guess what I have in my hand here.

What?

Looks a little like a hand pistol, doesn't it, motherfucker?

Get away from me.

Come on.

What the shit is this?

Hello?

What the hell just happened in here?

What is this?

Hello?

Oh, she's gone now.

Oh, shit.

Shit.

Oh, my God.

Did I break the rules?

I can't believe you came in and murdered me.

okay all right it's official i'm sorry because every time i do a thanksgiving show something

goes oh my god that was awesome that was a great call that lady and she was so rbc you set her up

so good for me for a while i didn't think she was gonna get you know that might be one of my best

calls if not in a long time yeah that's definitely the best um of the lightweight calls that i've

heard probably i see i just said jayad is the fucking shit that was the best prank ever

and with that guys i retire go out while you're on top hey jayad before you go um

jayad jayad you there no i'm here before you go um stalin without the charm just uh started us

off with the 50 paypal donation holy shit thank you and he's challenging other pcm listeners to

match them and uh yeah and go get some rest because you got a big day tomorrow i have a big

but i'll probably just replay that prank for six hours that was awesome good work man all right

dude when i'm sitting there reading and you typed in fuck what did you type in you said this is all

of a sudden i wasn't paying attention i'm just going and you said you said

this is epic and and there's some other statements that all of a sudden when i started reading what

What people were saying, I was like, holy shit, I've hit gold.

That was good.

Yeah, we got to remember that number.

We can have someone tomorrow morning call.

Yeah, I was thinking of having Baz or somebody.

I don't know.

Where's her location?

Like, coast-wise?

Mr. Tinkle.

That was hilarious.

You spelled it even different.

John Tinkle.

Because I can't spell.

Hey, Robitussin in the chat room says we need to call her back and charge her with attempted murder.

Or with murder, I guess now.

Just take a statement from the general manager or something.

well i'll be making the good thing is is tomorrow somebody take a witness report from her take a

witness report from her here's here's the creator in the crime i've never really met you guys in

person but we're probably gonna meet pretty soon in a courtroom near you we're gonna finally have

our meetup okay oh ken said he'll call he said he'll call us the manager okay yeah ken uh we

gotta wait though we gotta wait a little while say say there was there was an incident um

I don't know, man.

We freaked her out.

That one had to have freaked her out.

I can't believe he came in and shot me.

Oh, my God.

That was great.

Well, that's the whole thing.

You see, you never made a sound.

That's what's cool, because you never actually played off that you had shot or anything.

It's all in the imagination.

Yep.

I've learned that from some other people.

You never crossed the line.

That's what's so good about it.

Yep.

The only thing is I did is after the shot, I kind of went, uh, uh.

Otherwise, I didn't make it.

I didn't.

You're right.

I didn't say the words.

Right.

The very last.

Plus, Arby's the guru of all that is the rules to prank phone calls,

so if it's okay to shoot people over the phone, I don't know.

That's not on the list.

All you heard was, here, look what I got, and then you hear, poof.

You never said gun.

Oh, no, he said handgun.

No, no.

I was like, what's this look like?

A handgun, huh?

Who says that?

I don't know.

It's like some kind of 1940s spy.

Got a handgun, see?

slowly i turn step by step you start going hello hello hello oh my god what was that

all right guys um again donate we'll always that that was your present for uh

that long ramble stalling without the charm thank you all right

It was out the dorm.

Thanks, De'Ed.

Back on tomorrow, Eastern Standard Time, 1 to 4, and then again, 7 to 10.

So I hope everybody has good shows tonight.

I need to get some rest.

Yep, no problem, man.

Go get some rest.

We'll see you tomorrow.

Thanks, man.

All right.

Good luck to everybody.

Bye, De'Ed.

Thanks for the great kickoff, buddy.

Thanks, man.

See you guys.

Okay.

All right.

Well, that's Giat, everybody.

Giat.

I guess it is Giat.

Who knows at this point?

Who knows anymore?

Well, he just said Giat.

that's what i'm going with from now on real quick i wanted to mention uh so we're on until 1 a.m

eastern uh after we're done uh big sloth is gonna kick off his show um there we go with the nurse

sleeping the door open god damn it um rvcp at uh brad you're going on to four o'clock eastern one

o'clock your time then one in the morning okay yep all right oh she didn't damn it um baz goes

goes on after that he's taking the early shift uh 7 to 10 a.m eastern big ken goes on from 10 to 1

and then giad will be on from 1 o'clock to 4 o'clock eastern jag tv on from 4 p.m to 7 p.m

and then we did have trainwreck set up he had something come up so jayad is going to wrap

things up i'm sure i think that's i think it's going to be a big conglomeration of everybody

everybody at that point um from 7 to 10 that'll be our 24-hour thing so you can go to prank call

nation.com slash pranks giving again prank call nation.com slash pranks giving if you want to get

a rundown of that uh you can actually hear listen to the audio stream i went i got a question

because it is mentioned in the chat that the mixer um stream is broken is that right that was

one person who was saying that and uh no one else no one else is having a problem people be telling

telling us if it was down yeah yeah no one else just just a little bit of sensationalism sorry

yeah yeah no worries no worries okay um i do know that i did speak with dirty air and last

night on the phone he gave me a call we were catching up he said he was going to try to make

it for at least one show tomorrow as a guest and i do know that the dialer has been invited to join

us he couldn't do a show this year um he had a good show last year he was the second shift um but

he did say if he was available he would join us so we're all looking forward to that um later on

in the show i know neon is going to be joining here once she's home for uh thanksgiving from

thanksgiving i i know that uh big dwight ken wants to join us here let me drop him in boo yeah

dude this this lineup you got cooked up is like the fantasy prank football lineup you know i mean

the dream team i mean listen all these fucking back-to-back kick-ass fucking acts dude sure man

man. If you don't

listen to this whole thing, you're crazy, man, because

there's going to be one fucking whacked-ass

epic episode. Yeah,

exactly.

Dark Stranger is saying she's going to call in later

also, so DS,

let us know when you're ready to join

us. And, oh, yeah,

Matt, I forgot about Matt. Hang on, let me add Matt

here. I did promise him. Matt wanted to be a

part of the marathon, and

I totally forgot. I'm sorry, Matt. There's just so

much going on. Look what I got here.

Looks kind of like a pistol donut,

i wanted to make sure she got what the noise was because i didn't know what this the gunshot was

gonna sound like i'd pulled it up on youtube yeah yeah yeah it sounded like it was like out in the

range like yeah yeah hey matt hey maddie what's going on buddy what's up yeah what's up and ken's

here ken of course hey ken well we already heard him hey ken ken you got any plans for your show

um were you doing btr shit or what's going on uh i was planning on it and then like my shift got

moved could you shut the door for me because i'm on a call i'm sorry guys uh go ahead i'm sorry

oh uh because it's so early i won't have dashy um but he is making promises about dropping the

colorific into my conference and leaving it there for me okay so i should be able to use it it's

gonna be a mix um some btr i'll play by ear see how good the shows are on there and then uh probably

do some department store calls you know call around asking for the newest and uh latest shit

fucking toys yeah and i did i did just also remember we had some people who expressed interest

uh to uh calling in from stores as we prank them i don't know how that would work out brad

remember we're talking about that'd be kind of difficult um but if you want to give it a shot

if you get with a host and want to coordinate something by all means i've noticed i think bob

vance he offered to do that and some other people i think did too yeah yeah it's hard to coordinate

really um it's it's hard yeah i'd like to it'd be fun yeah it's fun yeah so yeah sure when we we

um also bread is that request system is that up and running do we want to talk about that or are

we not it's we can give the url because the request will go to an email account that i've

set up okay okay what is it because you know i don't know i'm not it's a prank call nation.com

slash requests with that with an s plural request request this is okay all right all right so that's

requests what's up matt you're all right what are you doing you're drinking of course never mind

am i conscious more than a few hours all right there's my buddy matt yeah okay all right well

Well, that was good.

What do we got next, Brad?

Do you want to give that?

I had posted a number for a hotel.

Oh, yeah.

That was a while back.

Yeah, let's do it.

I got to scroll back and find that.

So it's a hotel?

Yeah, it's just a hotel.

I was going to see if I could make a turkey in the room or something.

I don't know.

Okay.

I'm going to dial that one through Skype, I think.

All right.

Skype it up.

You're like an amateur like me.

He uses Skype to call things.

Fucking amateur.

Or as Milkman says, Skype piss.

You got it, Skypig, baby.

All the way.

Did y'all have a nice turkey dinner?

Calling the Embassy Suite, Napa Valley.

If you know your party's extension, you may dial at any time during this message.

I'm at the front desk.

Please hold on while I try that extension.

Ham, ham.

Place of the turkey that I spared him.

He's on my Facebook.

I spared that motherfucker.

So I had a ham dinner, actually.

I went to Walmart and got...

Calling Napa Valley.

Mr. Jordan, how may I help you?

Yeah.

Hey, how you doing there, buddy?

I'm going to be frying a turkey here in the room.

Do you guys have any oil, like, in the galley or, like, that I could get?

Some peanut oil?

No, no, we don't have that.

We usually don't allow people to fry anything in the rooms.

Usually, but this is an exception.

No, we don't have any of that for our guests.

Well, I mean, I could go out and get some oil, I guess.

Is there a grocery store near here?

Yeah, if you just make a left out of the parking lot.

Wait, what's your room number?

Well, I mean, if you're going to give me a hard-ass time...

Well, it's just because we have smoke detectors in the room,

and those are very sensitive to heat.

Well, I already disabled it.

I already disabled it because I'm smoking here.

What's your room number?

Because you're not supposed to disable any of those.

You said usually not.

Yeah, but if you disable our things, we have to have an armed...

What things?

You said you just disabled the smoke alarms.

We have to have those on just in case of emergency.

I'll turn it back on.

i'll turn it back on but what's your last name and your room number cross cross cross yeah i don't

have that in my system uh what's yeah what's the number well see i i hooked up with a guy at the

club last night and he invited me to stay in the room he's staying here for a few days he's from

out of town number i don't know i don't know like i kind of just got rolled we were doing we're

smoking a lot of drugs we're smoking uh ice that's that's why we had to disable it because

it has a lot of smoke you know are you being serious because if you are i do have to call

the cops for that automatically why because you are doing methamphetamines in my in my hotel no

no no no no no i put ice inside the bong okay so you are smoking weed in my in my hotel it's

another thing i have to call the cops i have i have a card okay but but you're not supposed to

smoke weed in the room it's supposed to be outside that's where it's available so what is the yeah

but that's why we that's why we disabled this temporarily and that right there is against the

the law right there too no it's not no it's not it's it's against safety sir so what is so what

is your room number i'm going to tell you again all right i met up last night in a club with a

man who's here from out of town for thanksgiving and what he told me listen i'm still talking and

this is serious he left the room to go be with his family for thanksgiving he said i could stay

stay here as long as i want and i went out i got a turkey arming a but cooking a frying a turkey

in the room will set off the fire alarms and you disabling the fire alarms is pretty much against

the law because you have to have those in every room at a hotel all right i'll re-enable it all

right and what and what is the last name of the guy that you're staying with i have no idea and

you can't it's anonymous it's anonymous it's not anonymous because i do have to i do have to put

this in my report so if anything happens no it's anonymous listen listen it's anonymous

sex we're using protection we're using protection no it's not protection i'm i i have to i'm the

manager i'm doing i have to know these things in my hotel just in case anything happens because

if something happens to you in the room you can't just come in here and say that i can't have sex

because it's another man i'm not i'm not i'm not saying you can't do that i'm just saying you

cannot smoke weed in my room all right because you're not in a non-smoking room i'm not smoking

smoking weed anymore.

Well, you have.

So the guy that you are saying will,

will be getting charged $150 for the smoking fee,

no matter what.

It's medicine.

You can't do that.

Yes, I can, because you're in a non-smoking room.

Do you know what the act is?

Yes, 218.

I know it.

No, no, no.

No, it's the Americans with Disabilities Act.

Okay, I understand.

But you cannot smoke in a non-smoking room.

That is why it's a non-smoking room.

I have bursitis.

That's okay.

I mean, you still cannot smoke in my room,

so I do need to have the room number of who you are.

Okay, well, I'm not smoking anymore, no.

I'm not going to get hit.

He's already in trouble because when he checks out,

my housekeeping is going to go in there and clean it

and smell the marijuana, and he's going to get charged $150.

Well, we're going to open a window and we're airing it all out.

It's still going to smell like it.

We're going to light incense then and candles.

No, but then he also disabled the...

Okay sir

If we do hear anything else

Call him back

Okay alright

I said tell him you're a dual amputee

You can't walk out of the room

That's exactly what it is

Okay call him back

We're having a good first hour

Yeah

Thank you for calling the embassy suite

Snap about

Please hold on while I try that extension

Nice

Nice.

Like, no, no, no, we're putting ice on the bum hog.

Hey, Sexy, how are you?

Good, how are you doing?

Did you hang up on me, the phone?

Did I?

Yeah.

No.

Was I just talking to you?

I just picked no.

You were talking to a gentleman before?

Yeah, put that motherfucker on the phone.

No, that wasn't me.

That was you were talking to.

And put it on.

All you people sound the same.

Put him on the phone.

Okay, hold on.

I need to go get my kazoo

Gonna get the band

Yeah, do that

Get the band back together

Hell yeah

Matty went to go take a poop

He's probably like

Going out to smell

For marijuana

He's just assisting a guest

For the moment

Assisting him how?

What is it regarding?

Is he touching him?

I'm sorry, I didn't copy.

Is he touching them?

Because I went down there and he was, I was checking in, and he was, like, holding my, like, I had my hand on the, you know, on the, like, the desk that you had there where you check in?

Mm-hmm.

And he put his hands on top of mine and was stroking them and everything while I was, he said, oh, it's just coming up on the computer, he said.

What do you mean, yeah?

What do you mean?

Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh.

You have to talk to, yeah, talk to him.

I don't, he just asked me what it was regarding, so I can't.

Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh.

Tell him it's the guy that, it's the guy that was smoking weed in the room.

Are you in house now or no?

Yeah.

Oh, you are.

Yeah.

What?

Okay, hold on.

Yeah, hold on.

Hurry the fuck up.

It does sound like War Games, right?

Didn't it?

Like, that background noise

sounded just like

the War Games, War Room.

Yeah, Whopper, the room.

Look at this fucking music.

It's the best.

Give me your heart

to rely on.

took a huge shit in the microwave i'll never live that down just hang up ain't coming back

all right good times yeah all right all right what's the next do we have any more uh uh we've

got um the way i figure we have 10 layaways total so we've used maybe four so far okay because you

know i got a bunch of them and i got 10 for each host i wanted to get more but okay it didn't work

out yeah no problem well oh so you got 10 total for everyone to use no 10 10 per host 10 per host

80 numbers

alright well give me another one and then

we'll call some stores you know we'll spread them out

okay I'll call the last one

I'll spread Matt out though first

yeah yeah get on the bed cripple

it would not be hard

to take advantage of me

so I like to hear you better watch out

Ken will slip up behind you man he done nailed

me a little guy with an outreach around man

what the fuck you just need a six pack of PBR

he'll shove his mop up your ass

six pack of PBR watch the fuck out Matt

my my maybe

make me smile hey um so so this lady for layaway her things say she got a a steel thg1 and a steel

th14 the fuck is that yeah she didn't know either the lady that read me these hang on let me uh let

me google that real quick man i'm not matt ken you still with us yeah i'm still here all right

do you want to do one of these layaways or because i don't want to uh yeah i'll do one in a second

i'm looking up something real quick okay all right hang on i'm looking up steel thg1 let's

see what comes i'm looking up a skirt china double burner maybe i have no idea um it might

be a gas javari put it yeah i may have misunderstood and spelled it wrong i don't know yeah what else

okay let's do it hold on i gotta copy the number again because i i was i was googling that too

hold on okay oh it's beeping what's the beeping mean it means there's a problem with the iv or

it's finished and there's a problem uh well yeah it gets the they they do a thing like they crimp

on you? Yeah.

That IV is like cramping.

It's bullshit. Stop crimping your IVs.

I'm crimping it.

Alright, here goes.

This is Kimberly. We're sorry.

The number you have dialed is not valid.

Fake number. Balls.

She probably ain't gonna come pick it up.

Shout out to April.

April O'Neil.

You might have to take over

because I can't say dirty stuff to the

one on the nurses here.

We do have some

fitness places. We have some

portraits. Ooh, fitness.

I like those. Oh, you want to do fitness?

Uh, yeah, let's do fitness.

Sure. Hang on. Give me a second, though.

You do one real quick.

I got an occlusion, madam.

I'm sorry. Don't bother you.

That's your fucking job, fucker.

Well, he's always such a pain

in the ass, you know.

I'm a good patient. Okay.

Thank you. Let's fuck some people up.

Okay.

You see, if he gives her too hard a time,

she'll jam her finger up his ass

with any lube on it, man.

You gotta be nice, man.

I have, well, I have

beer shits, so I always have lube.

Yeah? Alright, let's

fitness time. Okay, alright.

I'm changing my phone number real quick.

Hey, Dark Stranger.

Get the sick. What? Is that a flarp?

Frap, it is indeed.

I have one.

I was talking to those

today. I'm talking about those today with my wife.

How much they scare my Dobby

cat. He hates them.

Is that what your ear-eater sounds?

Oh. Okay, so who's doing

this one?

Who's taking this one?

In, uh, Fitness.

In August Underground Mortem, they actually

have a cocktail with me. Yeah, I think

I've been shot. Sorry. Uh, Ken, you want to do

one yet, or are you good? Sure. Yeah, I'm good.

Alright. Lisa Kirby, yeah, there you go.

This is a fitness place.

A gym customer.

I like how Matt is the only other person

who's admitted that he does the

me me me

oh I've done all kinds of shit

what hasn't he done

with his urethra

I haven't like

sounded it I've never put anything

down it

you know there's like

some videos like

that's like Doug Stanhope has a routine

of fingering

pee holes

come on lady

Hi, I can't come to the phone right now

so leave a message

You have to kick this lady out of the fitness club

for fingering

She's busy fingering

for the deals

Okay, Ken, we're going to do Edgar, same gym

Alright, what the fuck is Edgar's problem?

Hey, why is it playing the ending bells?

Oh, it's alright

You have reached the number that has been

Wow, we're going through our number

I pulled the ending bells out of the middle of this

That's why

That was a bad idea

Ken this person's name is Atlas

And he goes to the gym

Yeah

Charles Atlas

That's awesome

He owns at least one of those t-shirts

With the Atlas guy on it

Say he stole a medicine ball

We saw you holding it over your head

Walking down here

Isn't that the electric

Yeah

No it's Sesame Street

oh is it

yeah I thought that too I remember I was corrected on that

before

this happens

every time I go to take a call

it just fucking rings

thanks for fucking it up Ken

here's the last

whenever people that don't want to do

calls that are new on there

just say yes you'll take the call

cause guaranteed it's gonna be a voicemail

yeah chances are you'll get out of it

oh yeah I'm gonna do

this shit I'm gonna be hilarious

okay Ken this one's name

is John same Jim that I posted

John Jim

really John Jim

I feel like the show's over

with this music

hey you doing is this John

yeah this is Dwight I'm over here at the

fitness

I'm over here at the fitness 24 hour

okay yeah well

we've been trying to reach you for

for some time there man uh you got problems with the phone or what this is dwight i work over here

at the front desk at the 24-hour fitness yeah we got a uh a problem here we're reviewing some tape

uh in the uh locker room areas uh you want to let me know what the uh problem is what the hell is

yeah i don't think it's a laughing matter you're stealing stuff from our gymnasium here

oh really yeah we got reports from fellow gym members that you've been stealing equipment

equipment they said uh recently you had taken a medicine ball you think it's funny to steal i don't

know what you're laughing about i think it's pretty fucking funny you know you better start

taking this seriously because we're about two minutes away from calling the pd and having them

over at your house why don't you do that yeah i will do that why don't you quit raising your tone

to me you son of a bitch this is dwight if i have to repeat myself one more fucking time pal

we're gonna have an issue why don't you come down here to the 24 hour fitness so we can talk

This is a fucking joke.

Yeah, yeah, I've seen you in the gym.

You would know what a joke looks like, huh?

Why don't you come down here?

I'm right here.

You have a good Thanksgiving, buddy.

Hey, motherfucker, I'm not through talking to you.

Whoa.

Calm down.

How long do his laughs?

Medicine balls.

You've laughed at me.

How heavy is a medicine ball?

At least he was entertained.

That's all that matters.

Yeah, looks weird.

Okay, here goes.

Here's Don again.

Do you know how heavy a medicine, yeah?

Dark Strangers here, everybody.

Welcome to Dark Strangers.

Yay.

Neon's back to

Frankie McDowell

just posted a new picture.

Hello, John.

I'm putting my supervisor on. Dwight?

How you doing there? Why you keep hanging up

on me, pal? Who is this? Oh, my God.

You got some fucking mental issues

there you can't remember from one minute to another.

Listen, you little cocksucker.

I got video of you taking

a medicine ball and putting it inside your gym

bag. Talk with a straight fucking

voice, man. Listen, pal, I got the

the videos i got the videos in the locker room i'm sure you got i saw the medicine ball go in

your bag and i saw the small dick get put inside your pants yeah it's a joke for a while it's not

a joke wait wait yeah well i get upset because i called you out about your little dick i got

the videotape to prove you got a small cock so it's not even slander so you're gonna come down

here and stop being a smart ass you call the cops i'd like to handle things in house you think you're

such a tough guy you think you can sit there and laugh at me and you think stealing's a fun game

I can handle you on my own. I'm not a pussy. I don't need the PD. Yeah

You come on down here. Mm-hmm. No, I got a dog. I got a

The free weights missing too. I got 30 pound the barbell. It's gone. Mm-hmm

Know anything about that?

Huh? What number you calling from? You know what number I'm look at your fucking caller ID. You want me to okay?

You ready for it? Three seven zero one one one one

Who else is on the phone?

Well, you think I work by myself?

I got some of my associates behind me.

I have it on speakerphone so they can hear the type of shit you're saying.

We don't appreciate customers like you, sir.

This is bullshit.

That's Roy right there.

Roy was the one that said that you were back there putting shit into your bag.

Well, I'll leave you for four hours.

I get a bonus for discovering it, for finding it on the camera.

So thank you.

Thank you.

You're the fucking reason why everybody's memberships keep going up and up

because you've got to take the gym home.

Who's the fucker that stole the yoga mat?

Probably steals soaps from his hotel room.

Thinks that's okay.

So are you high on poppers?

You know, now I'm getting a little sick.

Yeah, well, I'm getting tired of your mouth, dick lips.

Because you're a bitch.

Motherfucker.

You're a cowardly, thieving bitch.

That's what you are.

We have a good time here.

Hey, guys, try him again.

Try him again.

He's getting fed up.

All right.

Why not?

It's hard to press a button.

Fine.

You should call your mama.

Call your mama.

Mama.

You sound like, what is his name?

Johnny Bravo, that cartoon.

Mama.

Let me try one more time

Oh, it's busy now

I guess we're calling this home

This really kind of frustrates me

Not able to see the

Yeah

Yeah, it is annoying, I know

I'm currently giving shout-outs for people that gave money to me.

Hello, please leave a message after the call.

Am I giving up?

Uh, yeah.

You know, I wouldn't.

Real quick, before we do the next one.

Real quick, before we do the next one, I've got three things.

Enigma letting us know that AJ4093 has donated $85, so we're up to $135.

Incorrect, actually.

We're up to $303.

No, we're not.

Are we really?

seriously yeah a bunch of people some people send in like two bucks and five bucks and stuff and

other people send in like 10 and 20 uh mr smorgan she sent in 75 oh jesus thank you what are you

guys sending money in for sorry i'm new we're adopting a family again this year no no it's

to buy carlito a laptop must be ps4 oh wait no a family a family that's right sorry i almost blew

it sorry carlito we're gonna launder that money great uh great brad thanks all right well good

Good, good. Thanks to everyone who's donated, including everyone who was just mentioned. Thank you.

Someone did 50. You know, we should make a page on the Saves Christmas whatever page that Gian made.

We should thank everyone. We should make a paragraph of all the names, what they do.

For those who don't want to remain anonymous? Yeah, yeah, sure. Okay.

That sounds good.

You don't have to put an amount, just a thank you.

Yeah, just a thank you.

Last year, he used the names of people that donated, too, in the letter that he gave the family.

Yeah, that's right. He did put them in there.

Okay, good, good. That's awesome. We're like almost at our goal.

Okay.

Okay, well, we're at that real quick.

Enigma also wanted me to remind, and that's a good idea,

that for users, especially maybe first-time people

who are in the Mixler in the chat,

reminding them that that does not work any longer

and you need to join the chatroom,

go to prankcallnation.com,

click on the chat link there

and follow the instructions, join the help channel,

Again, there's instructions there. Follow them.

We'll get you sorted out in there. Enigma

and MSG3Clay are in there.

Working overtime this weekend.

Well, this holiday week.

You're working overtime.

The working overtime part.

Breakdown.

Yeah. Alright.

Oh, yes. Real quick.

I wanted to mention Bobby

who runs my Classics channel

wanted me to mention that we do have

a YouTube channel.

YouTube.com slash Madhouse Classics.

um where we have a lot of i believe three prank calls a week get posted there some of the older

pranks from the madhouse live uh from the pre-2006 days right now we're at so be sure when you get a

chance to subscribe to that that's over you can find those links over at madhouse live.com okay

let's move on i have put a walmart in there brad you might dial in the walmart machine maybe we

should we ask for horsey cat again let's try it what are we gonna do like it seems like we're

going to surpass the 500, are we

just going to support another family, or

just give it all to the

brain cancer kid?

Yeah, give them a

so he doesn't shoot any more cats.

Yeah, give them a big holiday,

you know what I mean?

Just stick to the family. Help that lady

out as much as we can.

It sounds like a real fucked up situation.

Pay like five electric bills or something.

I'm talking about last year,

Geod's video.

Oh, that he took all the shit he had

had all the fake gold and shit on okay i'm calling walmart machines here it goes oh wherever you'll

take the coin most likely yeah that's all they want medical medicine balls heavy there i was

at walmart this evening that was a mistake i just went to get dinner and it was crazy

corporate office that's hilarious yeah for people that don't know i'm canadian and my

My dad's down in Florida, and he's like, fuck yeah, Black Friday.

I'm like, you're going to get trampled.

Oh, dude, that's the corporate office we're calling.

Never mind.

No, it can't be.

It's 650.

It's California.

The corporate office is, well, I don't know.

I guess they could have something in California.

The district office.

Yeah, maybe.

Thank you for calling walmart.com.

Corporate office is located in San Bernardino, California.

Oh, yeah.

Look at that.

I'm a big dummy.

Who the hell knows?

Well, give me a layaway while I get another one then.

Neon, you want to do a prank?

You want to do a layaway call?

Leon, you with us?

We're actually getting low on our part of the list.

Oh, never mind then.

Cactus and Chad is asking if I've always been a woman.

Oh my gosh.

That sounds like something I would ban somebody for.

So what's the answer?

I don't know. I need to check.

We're getting low on our quota for...

You know, we only get 10 numbers.

Let me try this, though.

We've got Portra Studios, too, you said, right?

right yeah well i'm i'm we only have 10 of anything okay um well i i can go no i'm i'm

trying to i'm trying to do a fair selection you know yeah that's fine that's fine uh if you want

you can use my tent uh because i'm gonna go in another direction in the morning oh that's okay

well i'm actually i mean we're i've we're past halfway for my time anyway so it's okay we're

doing okay that's true okay here i'm yeah i've got one of the portrait studios it's one that

only has um one phone number i only got one phone number from him okay so give me one second i gotta

change my caller id yeah i don't have the match magic dashy quick changing thing hours all right

neon do you have any idea what you're smoking exactly let me see hold on she's smoking rainbow

dash rainbow dash who's taking horse horsey cat who's taking this one neon do you want oh she's

getting high are you done getting high yet neon no drugs are bad neon yeah i'll do it it's called

white rhino uh milkman could tell you about that i've heard of that indigo oh okay okay so this

guy's name is joe shaw uh joe shaw and whoever wants it here goes no no i'll do it neon's busy

i'll do it neon you're busy i don't care i'll go on with you if you want play the vacuum this year

oh yeah i have two vacuums now the whole band wow i forgot about the band yeah i don't have a vacuum

Hello, Joe.

Is that Joe?

Yeah.

I'm calling from the Portrait Studio, sir.

How are you?

Good.

How are you?

Well, not very good, sir.

We got your pictures here.

We're developing here.

And who gave you permission to wear this?

So this is the second time you guys are going to call me?

No, this is the first time I call.

No.

You want to have a problem with me or something?

Huh?

I mean, you're harassing me, so.

Well, you're being rude.

I don't know how I'm being rude when you're the one harassing me.

I'll put Roy on the phone.

to explain why he gave me

this number again. Roy, what's going on here?

Hello, Joe. This is Roy. I'm the

manager here in the Portrait Studio department.

Yeah? What's your problem? What are you saying?

We've called you before already. It looks like we tried

to call before and there was no

answer. No, you called me last night.

I didn't. Don't blame it on me.

Fucker. Okay, well, whatever you guys

are doing, you guys called me

yesterday or, yeah, last night.

Okay. Don't need to be a smartass

about it. We're just doing our job. Sorry we

called you twice. We're people, too.

i didn't work on thanksgiving it says right after his name even do a show last night

yeah well no this is one that i i tried to call him but it says no answer so he

nobody ever picked up uh oh you did do a show last night never mind that's right you did do

was it last night no uh well like yesterday afternoon yes yeah that was a good show by

the way dude the portrait calls are really good yeah it wasn't very many of them but

they were good they were good thanks well fuck that guy you got another one um let's see what

that i have uh here's here's another uh i gotta change color id again give me like uh you know

just one minute and i'll i'll get something have a minute hurry the fuck up please we have 20 we

have 22 hours regret oh my infusion is complete yay we might have to get the handguns out again

brad we will rebuild the cross look what i got here what's it look like to you

like a pistol doesn't it motherfucker i fucking love that line

after she hung up like something went off a grenade or it was a handgun but it sounded

kind of more grenadey it sounded like an outdoor handgun not an indoor inside kmart handgun

cartons she probably sent the cops over to kmart i just heard the manager get shot

okay so this lady mindy she uh she got a a black coat christmas lights uh a nerf something a bow

and arrow and i'm calling it you guys is somebody ready yeah yeah i'll do it i'll do you okay what's

her what's her oh mindy mindy or nurse is gonna be in here you guys gotta take over sorry guys

hey you're doing this sir is uh mindy available not didn't pick up yet that was

It was fucking BS.

Paula.

Did you hear me, like, say, her bro?

Quit pranking us.

It was real faint.

I thought it was an old man.

Quit pranking us.

Hello?

Fucking Carlito.

I'm sorry, but the person you called has a voicemail box that has not been...

Try it one more time.

We just got more donations.

I think Tombstone donated, like, a hundred bucks.

What did you donate, though?

A hundred bucks.

Oh, money?

Yeah, yeah.

This is awesome. I'm going to go do Christmas shopping

for myself tomorrow.

He's like, don't worry, I got three weeks to put it back.

It's just like credit cards. I'll pay it off.

Instead of the bank's money, it's the PCN's

audience's money.

I'm sorry.

Okay, I did those two.

Hey Dwight, did you have pie?

I ate some pie, yo.

You ate some pie-o?

Did you get your haircut?

I had some Dutch apple pie and some pecan pie.

Some Dutch rudder pie?

Oh, gross.

Pecan.

It's pecan, not pecan.

Pecan.

It's pecan.

What the hell is a pecan?

It's a pecan, Mr. Soda Pop.

Dude, you know the damn Wu-Tang song, the Butter Pecan Reekins.

The cream, right?

Or, yeah, that is cream, man.

It was actually Raekwon, but yeah.

here's the lady who uh only got a six six inch candle she put a six inch candle on layaway

nothing else no no fucking way they don't they don't even like i put some shit on layaway at

walmart they won't let you put that cheap shit on layaway it's got to be a certain price before

you can put it in there i don't know that's what it says i'm in i'm impressed with carlito knowing

it was on the chefs album this is janice all right janice you fucking whore is this that

that we're listening to it feels like my mind hello is this janice what's that okay i'm gonna

get her oh this is we got tricked on this one i'm stupid i'm i'm it's fake that was an answering

machine message as a voicemail message oh man she got us earlier i almost i almost let it happen

again hey carlito are you there um what do you guys think about taking a like maybe five or

7 minute music break

that's cool

I just want to go pee and get a drink

I could leave you guys on

if you want to just chat

why don't you have a mini fridge

and a piss bottle like a real man

I'm too frugal for an extra fridge in the house

are you for loco in it

nah I'm Budweiser-ing in it

Budweiser-ing

okay so music or do you guys want to chat

just chat on the air

yeah well we can chat

hello Arby

Carlitos send you that song

I had sent to him

he may have

I don't know I don't see it anywhere

just say yes

I'm playing it right now

play it during our music break

you guys are just going to chat right

for five minutes

have fun

pee break everyone

sounds like you're going to hang up on us

no no I'm not

are we still on the air

oh yeah

are you listening to us

what happened

we're on the air

on a break

no you didn't hear Carlito

the cops just came in and fucking busted Arby

that's why he's gone

for shooting Jihad

no I didn't

Arby accused

he told this lady who came in and bought

five dressers that she had to

pay for all five but they were donating

two of her dressers to some charity

and she was cool with that she's like oh how does that work then arby accused her of stealing the uh

you know the change for the kids you know the jerry's kids container and she started she started

flipping out about that and uh eventually giad gets on as a manager and giad starts beating the

fuck out of arby over the phone and you know arby's like oh my fucking nose is broken i'm

bleeding oh no and uh yeah so like giad's carried on threatening to go beat the fuck out of eddie

over electronics and like he was just so fucking like he had so much adrenaline going and she's

like no he i've never stole anything he shouldn't be accusing me of that and uh after arguing back

and forth for so long harvey goes hey look i'm back look what i got in my hand it looks kind of

like a pistol doesn't it motherfucker and then he plays two gunshot sounds and everything goes

silent oh no nice yippee-ki-yay he looks good like a pistol yeah you missed that neon it was

pretty good what did i miss that call the one what she just explained oh no no seriously i'm

i thought you were talking about this thing mr clay in the chat room is saying neon missed the

really really harsh banshee ticked off no so i thought you guys started talking about that i'm

wait what did i miss no she did she did that she did she went no like that no she was explaining

to us that uh she's a christian i'm a christian and she was dropping f-bombs looking left and

right i am a christian i have never stolen anything in my life yeah she lost her religion

real quick there she lost her religion he's getting a little hardcore this show

He's like Bob's

Frank's giving you

Yeah

Maybe next year

They won't be allowed shows

Just to be guests

On other people's shows

Just go hey

Should I make

This will be over

Okay

Jesus Christ I was like this is a hood rat

Thank you

How did Neon get added without my

We're all going to be black for the next

hour. Are you guys there?

Can you hear me? I'm on mute.

Ambien is

down. I got the Ambien

down the gullet, so I'm going to be getting crazy here pretty

soon. I thought you had, did you have

some of the extra Parkinson's?

Yeah, I took that too. I did what you

told me you did with the Ativan.

Yeah, yeah.

I know where he put the

bottle.

In the cool.

No, no, no.

I told you, I didn't have enough time

I tried, but I couldn't

I thought you were saving the perks for Matt

or something under your tongue

I got in at the last minute to put Carlito

on the air, so I didn't have a lot of time to

get things ready

So you made that music, Milkman? Like, you actually played it?

Oh, he's mad

Don't be mad, Milkman

You're bubbling in a second

Don't be mad, man

No, no, no, no

Has he done it yet?

habits on this show hey you know i'm not mad no no no i know i wrote the song for you but no i

did not man i'm in the kitchen cooking and i'm listening on my bluetooth so like i need it walk

in the kitchen that's what happened sorry guys what you cooking yeah oh i made a big ham dinner

on my facebook i spared the life of a turkey i had a turkey delivery walk up to the door so i

spared the life of the turkey and put a ham dinner on so i got big ham got some baked bean onion got

We've got dressing.

What else we got in here?

A big-ass salad.

Going ham on that big ham.

Ham on the ham.

Potatoes and gravy.

Mushroom gravy.

Mushroom gravy, huh?

I'm going to put Milkman's hand down the fucking table.

Just call someone and you can tell someone what you cooked.

Like Domino's or something.

I don't want your pizza.

I want my ham.

Are we back?

Yep, I'm back.

We're all back.

All right, guys.

We're back.

Focus.

Hey we could call Ebony back

The lady that

Heard me get shot

What do we want to do to her

She wanted a manager

Yeah yeah let's do that

Can you accuse her of murder

I'll start out because you know

She's going to push for that woman manager

That she wanted to talk to

Or Neon could talk to her but she wasn't here for the call

You should at least say

She's got to pay the hospital bills

i'm gonna i'm gonna tell her when she brings all that shit back because she doesn't want any of it

though there's a 50 restocking fee dwight did you hear the beginning of that she wouldn't get pissed

at all when i told her we took two of her dressers yeah i was like she's fucking cool with that she's

gonna pay for all five and only get three only get three it was only two i thought she didn't

complain about it at all until i accused her of shoplifting like you took the cheese jar for the

cubes yeah okay um here i'm gonna post her info real quick i wrote some some notes down while we

were talking to her that's uh her friend's name and everything is in there okay all right here

goes so exciting i like the part of the show where the phone's ringing

leave your message she's probably too freaked out to answer she lied to us she said she's

He's going to be waiting by the phone.

Like, I heard a man die earlier.

I thought so.

I recognize that sound.

Oh, damn it.

Damn, some vibrations.

Did you have to crank it or something?

Please leave your message for 901-254-6.

One last try.

I'm picking up good vibrations.

Okay.

My boyfriend's making mac and cheese

over there singing Good Memories.

I am Kulo.

Gia's asking if I'm spoofing. I am spoofing

from the location she thinks we are.

You Kulo.

Are you going to call the location

after all this? See what they think?

Like 24 hours?

We only got through to two people

at this one. The guy that thought it was

really funny and then this lady.

Please leave your message.

Maybe she knows it's a prank. Maybe she called the store

and found out.

Did somebody get shot in your store tonight?

You might want to go back and check.

She kept saying she kept saying she's putting her pajamas on and coming down.

Did she say that?

I'm about ready to put some clothes on.

I'm coming down.

Do you think I broke rules doing gunshots?

I think you might as well go for it now, Brad Carter.

Yeah, go hard, man.

Go hard.

Fuck it.

We're in this deep.

Police officer Carter.

Put a Walmart in there.

We can try some shit.

Put a ring on it.

Put a ring.

oh it's not even formatted god oh way to go it's all fucked up looking you're officially

officer brad for the rest of like the marathon thank you for calling walmart i should become

a police officer and that way i won't be impersonating cops that is true that'd be

dope hello hello yeah i need to find out if you have a stupid toy for my kid who won't shut up

do you have the upc number no well who has why would i have a upc number yeah let me just pull

Pull it out.

1-8-5-7-2-3-4-2-6-1-8-5-0-0-2-7.

Okay.

What?

I hate these tails on.

You what?

My tails on, like it freezes on me.

I hate it.

Your tails on a three-digit on you?

Yeah, it freezes on me.

When I want to do something for a customer, it freezes on me, and I hate it.

Can you put a white person on the phone?

I have no idea what you're saying.

Okay.

Thanks.

What the hell was she saying?

That little zapper they carry around

a price shit. It's freezing on her.

Oh.

I feel bad.

A UPC?

This is hard.

Heard.

So what will I do?

Put the UPC, the UPC in there.

Hello?

Hey, Coxstain, how you doing?

I had to look for a certain...

Do you have the UPC, sir?

What?

Huh?

Huh, what?

Okay, do you have the UPC?

No, I don't have a UPC.

How am I going to have all those numbers like that?

Stupid.

Okay, yeah.

What are the numbers you have?

It should be 10.

I don't have a UPC, I said.

Damn it.

Oh, so it's hard for us to check them.

We don't know.

well if it's hard i don't care then you check still okay sir oh we are so busy uh we're up the

store the store is fully fully staying with the people we cannot go and check yeah you're

we have lines here yeah you're fully in my ass go look for horsey cat now hold on

just hang up because she's gonna take forever yeah man god what is she that's a weird fucking

in walmart that was it sounded it was a couple old ladies the store is fully okay fully what

fully empty kmart said it'd fire the worker who didn't come in on the holidays

probably all pissed off huh huh i'm looking for target they're a little more you know

are they open tonight though do they open on thanksgiving they usually compete with walmart

yeah black friday they do for sure or they open at midnight or something yeah because that was

What's the thing? Last year, that's where I was calling for

Horseycat. Last year was Target.

Ah. Ah. You see?

Ah. Ah. Fuck yeah.

I still want someone to go down and ask

for a medicine ball and see if I have it there.

Brad, did you just dirt me?

I've got an old medicine

ball at home, and that one weighs

12 pounds. Yeah? I don't know

where my son got it from, but I thought it was a

basketball, and I went to go pick it up. I was like, what the fuck is

this? Probably stole it. Yeah, stole it

off the neighbor's deck or something.

Probably.

I bet he got it off at

Probably

Fucking Atlas

That ass

For the Atlas

We're calling

Carlito

Jaya to go to sleep

Carlito

Here's an item number

To ask for

Okay

At Target

That's a social security number

Yeah

Thank you for calling

The Sunnyvale

Target store

Sunnyvale

Store hours have changed

For the holidays

The store will be open

From 6pm

Ask if it's a trailer park

Please stay on the line while your call is transferred to the operator.

Sunnyvale.

Ask for bubbles.

Is that the whole thing? Like, both parts?

That doesn't look like a UPC symbol.

Mr. Leahy, too.

Sunnyvale's about, like, 50 miles from here.

I wonder if they would say that already.

Cool story, bro.

Yeah, I wonder if they would say it was Mr. Leahy.

Sunnyvale's where Atari was at the headquarters.

Sunnyvale's eight hours from me.

Eight hours, guys.

Eight hours, everyone.

I drove there once.

Two hours down.

It's almost...

Oh, it picked up and hung up.

I didn't do that.

I promise.

Try them again.

Okay.

Damn them.

It's as if they're busy today or something.

For some reason.

It's as if they're fully.

Thank you for calling the Sunnyvale Target store.

No, no.

We're fully.

Please stay on the line while your call is transferred to the operator.

That was me making my butt clap.

Someone's putting numbers in chat.

Damn numbers.

Good times.

Dance to the background music.

All right.

Mr. Flaccid Penis says he's going to send us some numbers.

He claims.

Mr. Flaccid Penis?

Okay, great.

That's what I call Steven.

That's my little pet name for him.

Oh.

Okay.

That's so sweet.

Yep.

All right.

Let me give you some Viagra for that.

That's too bad, Carlito.

You know, it was that UPC was for a fishbowl full of condoms, 144 of them.

What?

Is it like on Target.com or something?

Yeah, I'll send you a link right here.

Oh, I could use that.

Who couldn't use a fishbowl full of condoms?

Yeah, they could double wrap.

Ridiculously, like, colored.

That'd be nice to have, like, on a countertop.

Or, like, a coffee table.

That would be funny to, you know, get them to put that in their little machine thing

and make them read the description.

If I had my own convenience store

I'd buy that from Target

Charge a dollar a condom

I'd make out with a fucking bandit

Oh the Durex, they suck

I've lost two Durex condoms

For the PCN backstage orgies

I've lost two Durex condoms

Up in a girl before

No kidding

Oh my god

I'm sorry

Plastic bag, cheap ass

You gotta go with the fucking Trojans

Iron ass Trojans

Trojans where it's at

Just to let everybody know, the new product coming out this spring, PLA condoms.

There you go.

That's kind of weird.

The scratches on the stickers, man.

All those fuckers never got back to me, man.

I tried to contact them twice.

We need those for the PCN swingers party.

Can the slogan be it?

It's like you're fucking me.

Well, I imagine the condoms, the PCN condoms, PLA condoms, they have like the host picture and shit on them or logo.

go. No, no.

No, that's the last one.

I got a second one.

I got another one for the leak.

Brad's face is on the side. He's fucking

playing peekaboo.

Peekaboo!

Just make sure that the rib...

Thank you for calling the San Jose Landez

Target Store. For her pleasure.

Who cares? Please stay on the line while

your call is transferred to the operator.

No hot ones.

Okay.

what the hell

he's uh

yeah you can help me find something

I have a code

you know

yeah stupid

it's 245

030617

do I read the rest

did it come up yet

what's taking so long

you're annoying

um what's the item number i'm sorry the item number two four five um sorry i'm sorry can you

repeat that you want me to repeat the number can you give me a second let me double check it or

something because yeah that's fine because you sound i don't know are you in a bad mood now is

it busy there yeah it is oh yeah do you like the party i'm sorry do you like the party i don't feel

comfortable answering these questions sorry okay i've got the online order number okay or or the

the dpci you want to try it again yeah two four five zero three zero six one seven zero six one

seven yes okay uh what is the item it is a durex fishbowl condoms 144 yeah durex d-u-r-e-x

oh okay you know what that is now probably do you find it yet stupid why is it not working

Hey, Cross, I have something she needs to look up, please.

Okay.

Hey, you there, ma'am?

How you doing?

Good.

Can you look this number up for me?

Is it the 245 one?

No, it's a different one.

Okay.

Yeah, it's 245-03-0694.

Yellow, yellow, yellow.

Okay, so you guys are looking for condoms?

No.

No, the one that I just read.

did you find it um it's showing that we have 133 different things under that number and they're oh

no i'm looking for the quest vibrator massager with multi-speed variable sensation okay it'd

be easier if i looked it up by the brand what was the brand again oh geez hang on now i'm bringing

back is by quest quest is the brand quest q u e s t and i'm sure you know how to spell vibrator

I'm sorry, it's not showing up in our system.

Well, it's kind of an emergency.

I need this.

Can I borrow yours?

I'm sorry, it's Black Friday, and I don't really have time for this kind of stuff, okay?

Let me borrow your vibrator, sweetie.

Okay, thank you.

What does Martin Luther King Day have to do with this?

All right.

What's up?

They sell puke vibrators.

They sell the magic wand, which is like the secret vibrator.

I don't think cool women know about it.

The Hitachi one or whatever it is?

Yeah.

I hear good things about it.

That thing's scary.

Yeah.

Not to use it.

Yeah, kind of overly power.

Hey, can we add my co-host?

There's a pretty sick video of it.

Straight up.

Yeah, Zax.

I'm surprised he's up.

I am too.

I just got a thing from him.

Chatterbait that likes the Hitachi.

All right, yeah.

Add Zax.

There's Zax.

I don't know.

Yeah, but he's always red.

Red.

You know, like.

Do not disturb.

Oh.

No, he's probably not even up.

I hate that. I hate motherfuckers that do that.

Just sign off, man.

Hey, what's up, man?

Hey, Zax. Cut out all the noise.

God damn it.

Oh, hello.

Oh, hey. What's up?

You might want to plug that in quicker.

Hey, if Aspen Mall is a connect and drop him,

I'll add Onk, who's asking to join in.

Okay. Oh, no, I don't like Onk. Can we not put him on?

Take him out.

Me and him, we have beef together.

I'll just start cursing

yeah get him out of here

I don't know

you added him already nevermind

yeah take him out

I'm gonna mute

I'm gonna go away for a while

no no no

it's him or him

oh it's Brad

hello Unk

hey how's it going

you needed the dun dun dun

music

hello

Are you guys doing good, man?

Not good now.

We were okay.

We didn't need you.

We were totally taken out.

We were doing bad.

We need a doctor.

I need a doctor in my groin region.

All right.

So listen, let me recap what we got here.

We got Milkman, Neon, Brad, of course,

Maddy Hillock and his co-host

Zax Big Ken

aka Dwight Dark Stranger

and Anka's now joined to the behest

of some of us

Brad what do we got here as far as

reverse customers

do we have any fitness

want to do a fitness call with me Ken or anyone

we've got a few left

I need to change my caller ID again

since Dwight says we can have some of his

we can steal some of those

would you prefer portraits

hey can I drag a number in

and you guys call it

it's the guy that we call all the time

and it gets so bad

oh it's a black

oh it's a hick but I think I know what you're talking about

yeah put him in

we'll do that next

put it in the chat

I can't I can just drag it in

can we do portrait instead

Brad

here hold on

uh yeah uh just give me uh just uh you know 30 seconds i gotta change my caller id no problem

just while we wait for that just a reminder we are in the middle of 24 hours of prank calls

we're going to be going until 10 p.m eastern tomorrow 7 p.m pacific sloth will be kicking

off his show in about 45 ish minutes that's my nap time yeah you're doing a rock out tonight

hey man this ham dinner came out really good man i got a place for you guys all here yeah

Get on cam and eat it for us

Hey Milkman

Don't get too full

I got some of this Dwight meat over here for you

Oh hell no

After you did that RA on me

I can't walk straight

I gotta watch your ass

Sneaky sneaky

Dwight what about the call that we did

What am I supposed to do

Dwight how about the BTR call

That we did where we were having

We were all moaning and shit

You're like take the analog

No I want you Dwight

it's like uh teenage love or whatever holy shit no it was it was it was it was the same night but

it was a different call yeah the teenage love one was good though yeah i cut that up it's all

on youtube yeah i saw that like a few times you guys ready that was just a good night everybody

you guys ready hey dwight hey dwight what the other night when we did that show did you happen

I happened to record that call where I tried to get on the air with ABC.

Oh, yeah.

That's all recorded.

It's on the show, real.

ABC.

I'll check it out.

That guy, he was doing a show.

I forget what it was, but Milkman was on there talking.

He said he was getting opinions for something he was doing for ABC.

Oh, my God.

Or, yeah.

Yeah, the guy normally does a sports show, but he took up a topic,

and he thought he was going to use all this material to take the black issue

you to ABC and present the material.

And then Dwight McClanahan commences

the call, like, out of the 50 calls,

like, 48 of them were in this group.

Wow. Awesome.

You guys ready for Rosemary,

the portrait lady?

Who the fuck goes to J.C.?

Where is their J.C. Penny

still? Don't say the name of us, please.

Oh.

Gotta keep it on the DL. Way to ruin it,

man.

Oh, yeah.

J.C. is

I changed my YouTube.

It's got a new address. I'll put it in the IRC.

So, yeah, it'll be

in there for everyone.

Who's taking this?

Oh, no, yeah.

I want it.

Alright, quiet, guys. Meet up or something.

Take it easy.

There's a horsey cat, like, in the picture.

Hello?

Yeah, hi. I'm calling from the Portrait Studio.

You have some purchase tickets?

Hi, honey. How are you, baby?

Rosemary? Yes.

Okay.

Yeah, we got your pictures here.

We're working on printing them out.

Our scanners, we have a computer system that scans for indecency in the portraits before we have them developed or processed.

Did you want to explain to me what's going on in this picture?

What one?

Well, basically all of them, I guess.

Who gave you permission to wear what you wore?

Like, is this how you normally dress in public?

Huh?

Is this how you normally dress in public?

Come on.

I didn't even get to the hard nipples part.

He didn't get to that.

Tell her, yeah, we were disconnected accidentally.

I don't think you were snickering on Mike.

Well, tell her she at least got salty nipples.

Oh, shit, I'm sorry.

God damn it.

That's my job.

That's why she hung up, I bet.

It's all your fault.

I'm sorry.

Wow, you guys really do got beef.

What?

No, you do.

let's do like a team ladybug team wasp fight heisenberg says ask why she's going down on a

teenage girl your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message that's a mad thing to say

all right yeah that's why i can't have a show i'm gonna try again try one more time okay great

so we don't burn it yeah heisenberg has been listening to party time party all the time

drink till you get bubbles in your spine party time monday nights at miscellaneous start

yeah i think they might start being way earlier because uh because mom's gonna stop

stop uh she's gonna start working nights till like eight seven or eight p.m so if i can do it

like two or three p.m like i can just be loud as fuck yeah because your mom's out there yeah

yeah like i'll be good for the uk time okay here's here's linda it's the same place portrait

okay linda all right guys meet up please we're gonna this one's gonna work i'm sure of it i'll

meet up there's a guy in tiny chat that wants to send numbers tell him to fuck up fuck himself

tell him to take those numbers and stick them up his ass tell him to go to prank call nation.com

slash request yeah not plural brad oh that's not plural oops i need to i don't have to tell him

you're currently telling him okay just tell him kiosk and he'll be fine thanks for your support

I'll do the next one her name's

Kim yeah we could try the

ones that don't answer you could try them again tomorrow you know

yeah I'm keeping notes

so the other hosts know they can try it again

can you guys hear me

are you ready

damn it this fucking Logitech thing is

muting well okay this lady's name is Kim

I'll send you more very tiny post-it notes

super

very tiny post-it notes because they're useful

Thank you for calling JCPenney Portraits.

What?

La, la, la, la, la.

How silly.

You called that place at random for no reason.

Yeah, yeah, that was an accident.

That was creepy.

How did you get her phone number set to that?

No, that was her.

What a mistake.

That was her phone number.

That's the phone number she had in there.

So this lady's name is Sarah.

Okay.

Sarah.

Hello.

Yeah, hello, Sarah.

Yes?

Hi, I'm calling from the Portraits Studio.

My name is Cross.

How are you doing tonight?

Happy Thanksgiving.

I'm doing okay.

Okay. Oh, yeah. Good. Well, I'm not doing too good. We're going through your portraits that

were taken, your snapshots. We have a computer that analyzes for decency in all the pictures.

Did you want to explain to me what's going on here, what you did?

What do you mean?

I mean, you can tell me. It's okay. I see this stuff all the time. But it's easier for you just

to tell me now so I don't get disappointed in you.

Okay.

Do you normally dress like this in public?

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

I was meaning to talk to Sarah.

Who's this?

This is her husband.

Okay.

Well, I guess you folks came in to get some portraits done?

Yeah.

The computer system scans all the pictures before they're processed for decency, profanity and decency.

And they all got flagged because of what your wife was wearing, apparently.

Did you want to explain this to me?

Well, tell me what she was wearing.

I know exactly what she was wearing.

Well her nipples were erect in all the pictures

You gotta be kidding me right

No no her nipples were erect

And then she also put her fingers in a V

And put it up to her mouth and stuck her tongue through it

Little joke here

Fuck you motherfucker

Get out of my store and don't you ever come back

You disgusting people

I think he might be on the V

That's a lesbian gang sign

It is

But that's okay right Dark Stranger

That's okay

A lesbian gang sign

And then you say

Dark Stranger. It's nice

like you say.

This is gang

sign. Dark chick shit.

Right, Dark Stranger?

What's our gang color?

You gotta try one more, Carlito. Here's Jenna.

Purple.

Flag.

Purple triangle.

Never mind.

It's a big purple V.

Yes, hi. I'm calling from the portrait studio.

Oh, yeah.

Is Jenna there?

Yes, but I can relay the message.

No, I need to talk to her because the computer is going through the pictures and it has to do with her.

Okay.

Okay. Can I talk to her, please?

Yeah, hold on.

Hurry up.

Is that Jenna?

Yeah.

Hi, this is Cross. I'm calling from the Portrait Studio.

Uh-huh.

The computer is processing your portraits and there's a problem.

We're going to have to have you come in and retake the pictures.

And you're also going to have to repay because of your indecency.

What does that mean?

Well, the computer scans for indecent material in the pictures automatically.

It has like a filter, and it spit out several of the shots that were taken of you

because of what you were doing in the picture.

I don't understand. We didn't do anything, no.

Well, your nipples were hard in them. You can see your nipples.

I looked through the pictures. I don't see anything indecent.

Well, that's before we applied the HD filter.

filter um you're giving the middle finger like you have your hands on your sides but your middle

finger is showing and you pulled all your other fingers back and then also in another one your

nipples are hard and you're holding your breasts like you're cupping them because it was our

daughter who's seven yeah she does very disgusting stuff is this how she acts in public all the time

sure you betcha but unfortunately does she have spectrum disorder or something no you mixed up

the photos is what had happened that's impossible this computer is perfect system excellent i hope

yes are you from jc penny portraits i'm from the portrait studio okay well we looked at all the

photos online and they are just fine well that i said to your stupid wife that that's how it comes

out before it gets at the hd filter apply the you know apply to it okay okay so she's the one

giving the middle finger your seven-year-old daughter is this are you bad parents that

a teacher to do this stuff?

Oh, yeah, you bet.

You are?

Listen, do you want to, like, have a go at this?

Do you want to come down to the store tomorrow?

We're going to come down to the store tomorrow,

and we'll bring the police with us,

and you can solve it tomorrow.

Thank you.

Yeah, and you pulled on your pants.

Ooh.

He got you.

Is it just because I'm on the line

and everything gets a little more pedo-y?

Thanks a lot, man.

I'm like, I didn't even do anything.

thing yeah that guy had a creepy voice for a pedo too right yeah he's like that's our seven-year-old

i should i should have put you on matt take the hit you betcha oh yeah you betcha all right so

we gotta get a prank here for unc and matt and zax if he wants to jump in on how long that you

guys left out did you do did you do prank yet neon you did you're not you're busy getting high

She was going to do a prank and then she got high.

But I already offered it to them.

That, whatever.

No, Nia can go. She's been on longer.

No, I got it.

You got it?

It's Matt Hillocks.

They're not going to answer.

I'm a manager.

I still find it so funny

that the Stonefire Grill

liked that and followed me on Twitter.

Such a silly call.

I don't think I knew that. That's awesome.

I don't think many people bother to look up

the name, you know?

Yeah, they followed me.

So what do we got? Are we going to do one of yours,

Brad, or should I pull up a store?

Steven Aspinwall posted

some numbers to people that

posted their cell phones.

Okay, well, let's do it.

Top one is Brad.

He's a hell of a guy, too,

and he can't even get in here.

He's been here for a little while.

I don't know what happened to him.

No, he keeps trying to come back in, and it tells him to fuck off and leave Arby a message.

Oh, well, I don't know, man.

Good job, new Skype experience.

So, this guy's name is Brandon Webb?

Brandon Webb.

There you go, Matt.

Brandon.

Brandon Webb.

Yep.

Is that what that is?

Brandon.

Yep.

Brandon.

What's up, Brandon Walsh?

Brandon.

Webb, God damn it.

Brandon.

What?

Hey, this is Brandon.

Who's this?

it's a mad fucking hillock how you doing buddy i always like guys named really mad fucking hillock

or just mad hillock how you doing buddy okay give him the next one or try him again try him again

oh he's gone i didn't even notice can you call back as a genie no i don't have the voice changer

at the moment what can you do i tried to sure what the fuck i don't know i can't feel it i am

I'm a genie.

And they're like, this is a genie calling for Brandon Walsh.

90210.

Was there a Brandon Walsh on 90210?

Yeah.

He was like the main thing.

Make a lick of high, make a high knee-ho.

I didn't know that.

Make a lick of high, make a high knee-ho.

I had a real thing with 90210 for a minute when it first came out.

Rest in peace, Full Heart Moon.

All right.

Yes.

Next one.

Matt, try Brenda

since that wasn't really...

That's the guy's grandmother.

Brenda is Brandon's grandmother.

So you can pretend to be Brandon

and see how Grandma's doing.

I can do my nice job.

Hi, I'm on a date.

Hi, Grammy. This is Brandon.

Her cell's busy. We're going to call her home.

Bitch.

Tell her you need to get bailed out.

Tell her to make you some pot, Brandon.

Peace.

You're with Royco Bail Bonds.

Go through middle brain.

Do your own thing.

Thanksgiving sucks.

By the way, if you guys haven't been listening to me and Zach's stream today.

Oh my god, it's still going?

You're still playing that song?

I just stopped it like ten minutes ago.

What?

Grandma.

It was up to like 11 hours.

Come on, start it back up.

It's gotta be 24 hours.

Yeah, it's gonna look like Alice's Restaurant.

yeah it's gotta be

oh my god that's

you should put it on right now

and then maybe we'll go

do a show in a while or something

Jesus Christ

sorry

was grandma like connected there

grandma just died

what the hell

I'm Brandon Walsh

brandon's uh getting the the defib isn't brandon walsh from goonies no it's um wait no brandon

walsh was the brother of um what's her name mikey woman with the wrong eyes yeah what's her face um

shannon doherty that bitch that was jason priestly's role of brandon walsh on beverly

hills 90210 yeah see i know what i'm talking about sometimes yeah here it goes again here's

Here's the grandma.

Grandma's fax machine.

Is this her cell phone?

No, it's her home.

Her cell just went straight to voicemail.

Hey, Kim, can I leave a message?

Sure.

Hi, buddy.

I don't know what to say.

I'm Brandon's lover.

Yeah, just something like that.

Hey.

Did you hear that?

Get ready.

Yeah, hi there, ma'am.

I'm your, I believe he's your grandson's, I mean, his lover.

Name is Matt Hillock.

Look, I'm trying to get a hold of him because I just got the HIV test done,

and it's not good, and I really, really, really need to talk to him.

So God bless.

Have a good night.

Thank you.

Okay.

All right.

Well, that's that real quick before we do the next call,

which I loaded a target there for you, Brad, if you don't mind.

Yay.

Keeping it clear here.

here um the urls we've got uh it is uh for request prank call.com prank call nation.com

slash request we also have for the fundraising it's prank call nation.com slash fundraising

someone told me the request is broken but it's not because i'm getting requests in the email

again it's make sure it's request with one two maybe you should be calling the fairfield

target store our store hours yeah it wasn't fully set up but it should work stay on the line while

while your call is transferred to the operator.

It's in beta.

I'll work on it this weekend.

I'll work on it tomorrow.

If I drop, life is hard.

I'll get it all fixed this weekend.

Yeah, we'll get it.

Beta, bitch.

I am getting requests, though, already.

Yeah.

Zax, we need to run our Patreon like these cats.

Thank you for calling first.

I'll tell you how I'm going to help you.

Hey, honey, how are you?

How are you?

Well, I asked you first.

I'm good.

How are you doing?

I didn't want to tell you.

It's private.

Ken, I see if you have an item there.

I need a toy.

Boy, my stupid kid keeps asking for this stupid toy from the TV show.

Uh-huh.

So you want to find out about a toy?

Yeah, I want to see if you have it.

What do you say about that?

Okay, no problem.

No problem, sweetie.

Hold on one second, okay, sweetie?

Okay, honey, baby, sexy, labia, pussy.

Sweet tits.

She didn't call you sweetie.

Yeah, when they say that, it's open game for me.

I'm like, okay.

She heard all that.

She heard all that until the beeping.

How come they can say stuff like that and we can't?

Yeah, heaven forbid you say that to a woman.

Hey, boy, how you doing?

Good.

I was calling to see if you have a certain toy in there.

Sure.

It's a Negro Assassin.

Okay, give me a second.

Okay.

Let me get my scanner real quick.

Is that the new video game all the kids are looking for, Negro Assassin?

Yeah.

Sorry, do you have the DPCI, sir?

I don't even know what the hell that is, man.

I'm sorry, what was that, sir?

What do you mean, DPCI?

What are you talking about?

Are you okay?

No, it's just the item number.

It just helps me, like, search it.

Where would I have it?

Oh, I was just asking if you did.

Don't put me on mute like that.

Sorry about that.

Hello? Oh, I'm sorry, that's my fault.

Can I just give you the name of the thing?

Sure.

Alright, it's Negro Assassin.

Negro Assassin.

Yeah.

First part?

N-E-G-R-O.

Are you there, boy?

Yeah, I'm here.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to search it out right now.

Search it with what?

Search the toy.

Can you call on the radio for it?

Negro Assassin.

Hey, do we have the Negro Assassin, bro?

I'm not even sure, but do you want me to go check on the PA?

Yeah, right here.

Have him ask for it over the PA.

Yeah, that's appropriate.

I love this.

He doesn't even get mad when you call him boy.

Well, you know, they got that.

Yeah, hey, did you ask anyone?

Yeah, I'm a different person.

So what were you looking for?

Maybe you can get on the walkie-talkie and ask.

I'm looking for Negro Assassin.

Negro?

As in N-E-C-R-O?

N-E-G-R-O.

Oh, okay.

Let me look it up for you real quick.

Okay.

Oh, you're a completely different person?

Yeah, yeah.

Oh.

Hello.

One moment.

Okay.

Shout out to Matt Hillock.

Shout taken.

And sex.

Yay.

But mostly, Matt.

Oh.

Double yay.

Wearing trousers just for you.

Oh.

Mm.

Fuck yeah.

What's trousers?

Pantaloons.

Knickers.

The knickers the boys put over their balls.

That's fucking racist.

Come on.

They can get to the family.

Come on, Matt.

Not on this show.

Come on.

That's racist.

We're looking for a Negro assassin, and that's it.

Somebody pull up my pants now.

I shit myself.

Uh, hello?

Yeah, hey, buddy.

Nothing seems to be coming up on it, so I'm not sure if we have it.

Oh, maybe you do.

Yeah.

Can you look in the back?

I was actually looking at the PDA, which it tells us if it's in the store anywhere.

Can you call Milwaukee Talkie and ask?

Let me go and ask somebody that works in police action.

Okay.

One moment.

Okay.

Bye.

PDA.

Personal data.

Data acquires.

He's using his Palm 5.

This is my Palm Pilar.

How far?

Somebody's calling my pager

Hang on

He needs to log into the Amiga PC

I never had a pager

Oh I did for one job

But I remember a drug dealer

Buddy of mine had a pager

And it was like a garage door opener

It was when they first came out

Oh fuck hang on

Somebody's messaged me on ICQ

I had a neon blue one

It looked so nice

Hit me on the beeper

I had one with bubble gum in it

Can you guys like look at the number

No

Steven put it in there and please tell me if you cannot laugh

J-Dick

Hello

Yeah sorry for taking so long

Just trying to find a person real quick

Just kind of busy right now

Sorry about that

Can you get a customer

A customer?

What do you mean like ask

Yeah ask a customer

Um, alright, hold on.

I'm doing everything I can to find it.

Maybe a customer knows.

Oh, hold on.

I just found somebody.

Hold on.

Okay.

You know, we have a toy item named, uh,

Ego Assassin.

Ego, like, like, Ego Assassin.

I think they're playing it, though.

I didn't know that.

Uh, we couldn't find it,

and I did ask somebody that works in toy section.

Oh, but, uh,

why did you say that I was playing it?

Yeah, I'm really sorry about that.

Why'd you say I was playing it around, motherfucker?

I don't know.

It's just, um,

we're really trying to take time right now.

I'm sorry about that.

All right, let me put Dr. Unk on the line.

Hello, yes.

Yes, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

My associate, yes.

My husband and I, we're looking for toys for our children.

We recently adopted some AIDS orphans from Africa,

and we were watching...

Yeah, oh, yeah.

No, seriously, all they're doing is just saying

that they want Negro Assassin.

Like, it was on, I don't know, Nickelodeon,

and it's just, like, the hot new toy, Negro Assassin.

Yeah, if you want, I can personally go and look.

I would appreciate it.

I mean, I know you guys are really busy, and I'm sorry that you're, like,

I really don't want to take any more time than I have to from you,

but, like, seriously, Kwee Kweg is really, Kwee Kweg is just really, like,

really wanting this Negro assassin.

Yeah, yeah.

He has, like, a bandana over his face.

Yeah, is he, like, a superhero?

Yeah, yeah, well, he's a superhero contract killer.

He's like Spawn

He's like Spawn, yeah

He's just like a real badass

He's got like guns and grenades

And he's like black as night

And he's got like

He's got like an afro

He's got an afro

And he's always thrown up like a fist

You know, because he's super like

Strong black man

And you know, we really want our like child

To like have a, you know, superhero

He can identify with

Oh yeah, totally, I understand sir

You know, it's like, I mean, because, like, seriously, I'm a white guy, and my husband is, I don't know, it's just, Queequeg, I just want Queequeg to be able to identify with somebody.

I mean, like, Thor is just, like, a crazy white guy, you know, I just, Queequeg is, you know, and, like, he squeezes back, he squeezes back, and then he says, like, up in my head, he's a helpless people.

It's not Marvel, it's not Marvel, it's too hardcore for Marvel.

Yeah.

Image.

and then we got

I guess like toys from

Guardians of the Galaxy

yeah it's kind of like that except like not

for pussies I don't know

I guess that would be the best way to say it

like seriously it's got guns like really nice guns in it

and it's like and he's like

like he pushes back and he goes

yeah motherfucker like and that's

his tagline when he shoots people he's like

yeah motherfucker

he says like break yourself

yeah phone check

I just checked the whole superhero section

I couldn't, it wasn't there.

I'm checking other sections now.

I mean, I think I saw that it was in, like, the girl section.

Oh, yeah, I'll check that right now if you want.

Okay.

He likes to hang out with Barbie, like, grab her.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, and Barbie likes to hang out with him, too.

I mean.

He yells at her, like, he's like, what's up, girl?

Like that, what's up, girl?

Hey, girl.

And Barbie's all like, tee-hee-hee, I'm a simple blonde.

I mean, but, like, seriously, like.

Tee-hee, I'm married.

I'm married, I'm engaged, I can't.

My father would kill me.

I'm a neon Barbie.

You're my dad.

So, sir, I do appreciate your patience.

I'm checking the text right now.

You appreciate your patience.

It's full of Barbies.

Would it be possible, I know you're super flustered,

but would it be possible to ask on the PA and ask for management?

Just ask for management.

I mean, I checked the PDA, and it didn't say anything on it.

No, no, no, not PDA, the PA, like over the store monitor.

Could you say, like, I need a management, I need to find an item, Negro assassin?

Who is responding?

Yeah, let me check on that.

I appreciate it.

Hey, you said it's all full of Barbies. Your house is full of Barbies.

I just really want to get this present for Queequeg, you know?

That could be problematic.

Queequeg has to go on a new...

Yeah, hello?

Hello, yes, yes. Is this somebody that knows what they're doing?

Yeah, hold on. I'm on the reception, so...

Oh, yeah. Well, don't you have, like, phones around that you can, like, hop on?

Well, actually, we have long lines and a lot of people, so...

No, no, no, for the phones, the telephones.

I mean, like, you're an employee, like, you don't know how to access the PA?

Yeah, well, actually, I'm not.

I haven't been working here for that long, so...

Is there, like, a manager that you can ask the PA code for?

You can just be all like, hey...

Yeah, hold on.

Okay, thanks.

We were first in line.

Yeah, Quig Quig needs this before he goes on a boat trip.

To the bathroom?

He's going to go fight a white whale.

I think he needs an intervention.

Hello, yes, yes, I'm sorry.

Yeah, hold on.

Okay, I appreciate it.

Ahab.

Yeah, he needs an intervention for the Barbies.

Captain Ahab, yeah.

Yeah, Captain Ahab.

Captain Ahab is his handler that gives him the contracts.

I think we should ask that, too, if they have Captain Ahab.

Yeah.

Are they still entertaining looking for Negro assessment?

We're just asking for Negro assessment.

Is Floth going on right at 1 a.m. or whatever?

Yeah, I haven't heard from him, but that's what he said

Negro assassin

I mean, like, to be honest

That sounds like a really fucking awesome toy

Like, I really want a play assassin

Yeah, especially the way you guys

Described it

Like, I would totally be all about that

With, like, an afro

A hoodie

Takes Barbie's trousers off

I mean, but, like

He's irresistible to Barbie, I mean, honestly

What's up, girl?

hey girl

he's also got a nice suit

he's a hitman

girl you know it's true

yeah we should ask if he's got the

suit playset

he's got Jordans

he's got Jordans for his

Armani suit

can't believe Unk didn't stop talking

and didn't hear me singing

I did hear it

and I appreciate it immensely

girl you know it's true

I was sitting back thinking about

what you meant to me

I really mean that much to you

and all the things we used to do

and it really means a lot to me

I really mean that much to you

girl you know it's true

I love you

I think you should blame it on the rain

I got confirmation from Sloth

he's going to be ready to go

so we're covered

oh I just noticed that Target hung up on us

oh shit

did we ruin it?

that was funny

he was seriously trying to

spread it out

speaking of spreading it out

Neon has to do a call

what am I calling?

what do we got?

Neon you have 7 minutes to be funny

when did you get nervous over doing calls?

Oh, that's good.

She's smoking tonight, so it's understandable.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

She did Indica instead of the other one.

You got seven minutes to be funny, Neon.

Just remember you're smarter

than these people you're calling.

But the Indica doesn't give you

that kind of paranoid shit, man.

That's more like a dealer thing.

What number should I dial?

Yeah, Sativa's like out of control, hyper,

and this one's like...

Yeah, it makes your mind blow.

Well, imagine her without it.

Shit.

what am I calling

I imagine all

hey there's

a lot of people listening right now

yeah

happy thanksgiving everyone

happy thanksgiving

anybody that wants to

mail edibles

to your old buddy Hillock

hey that's illegal

that's illegal

I can pay fell cash

I'm almost out

Arranging drug deals

Live on the air

Hit me up

Matt is a friend of ours

But not technically a member of this network

Just so you guys know

We've been burned before

Non-network affiliated host

But for real

Anybody message

But we love you Matt

Thanks

We've got record numbers right now

328 as of a second ago

Wow

I put it out in a lot of people's ears

Listen we've got about

5 minutes until Sloth takes over

We're going to get one more prank here

Neon will do it and we'll sign off

What do I call?

That outro song

No pressure

I'm pumping my tits right now

I'm ready

be funny

so what am I calling

be funny asshole

what number am I dialing

poor Brad he's been asking for like 10 minutes

call that crazy lady back

she's not picking up

just a future reference best buys are open

until 1am so we have all kinds of wonderful

best buy opportunities

we got about 3 hours

left for best

we have 3 hours left for best buys on the west coast

real quick if you're listening on Mixler

I'm sure there's a lot of you who are not in the chat room

the mixer chat does not work

of course you need to go to

prankcallnation.com

slash chat or just click on the chat button

at prankcallnation.com

and follow the instructions there

and once again

no numbers in the chat

if you'd like to contribute

blah blah blah

take off your trousers

I'm done

just call it

Don't give to our family, because remember, PCN is saving Christmas.

Okay, let Neon do her call.

Neon, you are calling, you are a portrait studio, and you are calling a girl named Jenna.

Okay.

And you're pissed about something in her pictures or something, I don't know.

Okay.

Here you go.

I'm going to avoid rage quit.

And you only have four minutes to be funny.

Three minutes.

Make them really angry.

If you're not funny, I'm kicking you.

Nope.

You're out of here on your ass.

What if they don't answer?

Nope.

You're fucking up.

Best number ever, Brad.

make us laugh

try a dick shit

I will tell a funny joke

my mom today at Thanksgiving

dinner was like have you heard

that voicemail on her phone

and I was like

oh yeah because my mom left me a voicemail

the other day Brad had changed my voicemail

and then she was like

oh my god I was calling the other day I'm like

this isn't her you hurry up I want to

leave the message

and then this became like a

thing everyone's like let's call her phone

and I'm like okay and they're like

holy shit that was funny

I would call that more an anecdote

than a joke though

can I call on your phone?

please give us your phone number we don't believe you

alright Neon's calling

Neon you're calling a dick shit everyone else

everyone shut up dick shit

quiet

quiet por favor senor

me now

tito

there's another dick shit in there too

I'm calling the next one

I posted just now

if we go over

how much do we owe to Slaw

we owe 5 minutes over

who cares I mean it's not like we're bound to 24 hours

we can go over

I don't think anyone's going to be

time is an illusion

everyone likes an extra inch

party time

we're just going to get one pickup for Neon

and we're good

all right you can have one extra stroke that's what she said just now did you hear her

she said just now okay neon last last attempt here last one yep this is you've fucked up

four in a row now so this is a newbie hazing i get it this lady's you're like you're a noob

you're this lady's name is maggie you're a portrait studio again okay hey when they don't pick up can

Can you call this the voicemail guy while the numbers change?

Oh, yeah.

We can give her that as the last thing.

Yeah.

I added it in there.

You have reached the voice.

Matt saves the day.

We'll see.

Mom, ask to speak to the child.

What does Neon say to this person?

You just want to speak to his child.

I don't know.

What is it?

His fat kid?

Is it that one?

Yeah, I think.

Gotta blame it on something.

Blame it on Carlito

Can we blame it on the Purple Rain?

Gotta blame it on the Purple Rain

Dark Stranger, that album is so bomb

We're just gonna hear his

voicemail saying Rick

I fucking love Prince, man

Fucking love Prince

Prince is the man

Do you remember that time he was

performing at the Super Bowl

and it started raining

and he's fucking singing Purple Rain

It screwed up his guitar, remember?

Remember, he threw it at the end of it

because it just screwed up his guitar.

And then it killed him because of the electric.

That was in Miami.

Yeah, man.

Prince is a man, man.

He's a bodyguard or whatever.

Told him not to touch his guitar.

All right.

Did you ever see his first album?

His first record album?

He's riding around on a horse naked

like Lady Godiva.

You ever see that shit?

Yeah.

He's a fucking badass.

the only time I ever

danced in a nightclub

was on the stage

where they filmed Purple Rain

I was like there's no way I could

yeah 5th Avenue

7th Avenue

1st Avenue

Electric Avenue

well it was fun

yeah thanks for having me Carlito

no problem thanks for being on

keep talking

okay well I'm waiting for the

Hi, Sam from Sloth, but in the meantime, Milkman

can take us out of here. Brad, I'd like

you to go ahead and kick out

everybody but Milkman and you

and me. Thanks, guys.

Bye. Bye, everyone.

No trousers.

Love, love, love.

You know

it's true.

I love you.

Alright, Milkman, take us out of here,

damn it. What the

heck was going on there, my

My brother, I'm telling you guys now, wasn't that an action-packed episode?

My goodness, what a cadre and cast of characters.

Let me see here.

The list included there.

The mighty Arby.

Dark Stranger was in the house.

Dark House Callers.

Jaiad, my friend.

That guy's really funny.

That's a fucking hilarious call.

Everybody knows our boy, Gross.

Man, that guy's such a happy kid.

There's Mr. Hillock.

He did a hell of a job.

We had Sexy Neon.

There's Arby, CP, my friend, Steven Aswell.

well and zach well we had a good cadre of guest callers kenneth kenners also hey frequency i tell

you all right okay no the frequency all right we gotta go we gotta go milkman thanks for being on

okay all right everybody thank you this is the most interesting show you ever find right here

on the internet nine years later we're dropping the dime just asking you to give the time bring

your friends or enemies to this thanksgiving forecast episode here thank you so much

Jeremiah, we couldn't do it without you.

Okay, real quick.

Brad, go ahead and start the outro if you don't mind.

I want to say a big thank you

to everybody who's been

giving me well wishes as I'm in the hospital.

I want to thank Brad for helping

make tonight happen with

the show. That's much appreciated.

Thanks for your help, buddy.

I'm going to

listen to some prank calls for the next day.

So let's do it.

Thank you, buddy, for getting up and out with the

PGN Say It's Christmas.

Yes, that too.

All right.

Bye, everyone.

See you in three hours.

It's coming up next.

Madhouse Hospital Pranksgiving 2014

Calls (26, 1 h 32 min of 2 h 58 min)

Transcript

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