MadhouseSearch

Tire-d Talk

2 Dec 2014 · 1 h 6 min · 8,147 words · source

Calls (21, 45 min of 1 h 6 min)
  1. Call about lost red dog Hoss live 4.3 min clip ↓
  2. Atlas gym tire inquiry live 2.6 min clip ↓
  3. Reno Street Housing Association canceled yard sale live 3.3 min clip ↓
  4. Jim Campbell called about Eddie live 39 s clip ↓
  5. Eddie called about word on street live 58 s clip ↓
  6. Brian called about wife Brandy live 42 s clip ↓
  7. Brian called Tom about Brandy live 41 s clip ↓
  8. Brian called Patel about Brandy live 35 s clip ↓
  9. Eddie's wife called about Eddie live 2.6 min clip ↓
  10. Tool World automated menu ivr 2.1 min clip ↓
  11. Phone seller about phone line access live 1.7 min clip ↓
  12. Nail salon appointment inquiry live 1.8 min clip ↓
  13. Caller confused by noise in background live 39 s clip ↓
  14. Texting name save feature live 53 s clip ↓
  15. Continued chaotic call with Robert Garcia live 7.3 min clip ↓
  16. Playback of previous call playback 3.1 min clip ↓
  17. Airpark design center wrong number voicemail 6.1 min clip ↓
  18. Pontiac seller asked about car live 1.4 min clip ↓
  19. Calling Creeca's number voicemail 49 s clip ↓
  20. Buying illegal cable box live 1.1 min clip ↓
  21. Calling Dashie to join chat live 1.9 min clip ↓

Transcript

What does a cluster bomb unit do to the Israeli children?
Nothing.
They're on Palestinian soil.
Time of death.
Call it, Mervick.
The waves are...
The waves are about what?
Two inches?
They're growing again.
All right, yeah.
Which way is it going?
Remember December 2nd?
You've got to go back up here, guys.
Sir!
Shoot at number one.
Tell that cop to slow down.
And look at my butt.
2005, I ate a cookie or two from a drop of jammy.
God bless Ephraim and Jack's girls.
You know those...
Is that a lifeguard?
Cocoa chocolate chips.
I'm saying, Captain, is that we have backup.
It's our duty, not theirs.
You're presuming that we have other submarines out there ready to launch.
As Captain, I must assume that our submarines could have been taken out by other Akulas.
We can play these games all night, Mr. Hunter, but I don't have the luxury of your presumptions.
Sir.
Mr. Hunter, we have rules that are not open to interpretation, personal intuition, gut feelings,
Ceilings, hairs on the back of your neck, little devils or angels sitting on your shoulders.
Captain, sir.
We're all very well aware of what our orders are and what those orders mean.
They come down from our commander-in-chief.
They contain no ambiguity.
Mr. Hunter, I've made a decision.
I'm captain of this boat.
Now shut the fuck up!
Slice two.
This is the captain.
Repeat my command.
Sir, we don't know what this message means.
Our target package could have changed.
You repeat this order or I'll find somebody who will.
No, you won't, sir.
You're relieved of your position.
Cobb, remove Mr. Hunter from the control room.
Get Lieutenant Zimmerman here right now!
No, sir. I do not concur and I do not recognize your authority to relieve me under command under Navy regulations.
Cobb, arrest this man and get him out of here!
...under operating procedures governing the release of nuclear weapons, we cannot launch our missiles unless both you and I agree.
Cobb, what are you waiting for?
Sir, this is expressly why your command must be repeated. It requires my assent. I do not give it.
And furthermore, you continue upon this course and insist upon this launch without confirming this message first, I will be forced...
Chief of the boat!
I order you to place the XO under arrest on the charge of mutiny.
Please, the XO is right.
It can't launch unless he concurs.
USS Alabama, rebel-controlled missiles being fueled.
Launch codes compromised.
Dissonance.
Threatened launch at continental United States.
Set DEFCON 2.
Immediately launch 10 Trident missile sorties.
They're fueling their missiles.
assholes we don't have time to fuck around i think that's over captain i relieve you of your
command of this ship i was going a lot of bullshit talk i know that much bullshit my friend do you
know something don't listen what do you know maybe i do and maybe i don't what i say is they got no
business negotiating we ought to be going back in there with a bullet for everybody in the yard
oh is that right we do it now we do it later later ain't gonna use am i right al now wait
wait wait wait a minute frank got a lot of angry guys in there black muslims panthers
young lords beside you average anti-social we gotta go in right clean your clocks gentlemen
bunch of jerk offs phone line on the skype dwight what happened with you um jack tv is a
motherfucker and that's what that's what happened he's a motherfucker
you got your floppy tits all in a sweat over there oh i was i've already i was already burnt
out from doing a shitload of shows and i was like yeah i'll go ahead and do one a lot of estrus and
No, I turned on the shit.
I turned the shit on.
And Jag was like, hey, I'm trying to fucking listen to that.
And he told me to get off the stream, so I did.
You didn't want to do shit.
It's okay.
You wanted to take a night off.
We've been busy lately.
Yeah, but I was going to do one until he told me to get off the air.
I know you.
The motherfucker.
Big baby.
And Neon is here.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
What's up?
Shut up.
Hello.
Yes, hi.
I'm calling regarding an ad that you put several months ago.
You found a medium-sized red dog.
Yes, sir.
I'm trying to see if that's my red dog.
He got loose.
He was running a ring around here.
That would be great if it's the one that blows to you.
Do you live close?
Yeah, I live on Horse Machine Ranch Road, motherfucker.
I'm not sure where that is.
Do you know where that big motherfucker sign is?
No.
There's a big sign that says motherfucker on the street, off that one street.
Well, I don't really care for that word.
I know, but they spray-painted it on it.
It's disgusting.
I don't know where that is.
Yeah, well, I'm new in town.
There's a new development called Horse Machine Ranch Road that they're making out here.
Horse Machine Ranch Acres.
Okay, and what road is that on?
It's on Horse Machine Ranch Road.
Is that on Highway 66?
It's off of 66, yeah.
And that's where the sign that says motherfucker like that is on 66 and Horse Machine Ranch Road.
It says new parcels, new construction, Horse Machine Ranch, move in now, and it has the phone number.
that's what it usually says but um someone spray painted that disgusting phrase on there
i don't know who it was it was in the local news they were trying to find out you know they said
if anyone had information because they said it's gonna cost like uh thirteen hundred dollars to
replace the sign they said they can't clean it off you know there's probably some local redneck
kids or something right what does the dog look like and his name is hoss his name is hoss hoss
yeah yeah he's a red dog he ran away from here i guess he got confused with all the moving in
and shit like that you know and then a bear was coming in the backyard and he was fighting the
bear and uh and hoss beat up the bear he beat him up like a motherfucker but they had a fucking fight
really fucking bad the bear was like on its head you're gonna have to stop that language
I don't agree with the language that you're using at all.
I know.
Well, please, I just want to talk to Haas.
I think that we need to maybe do this conversation tomorrow.
Why?
I'm tired.
What are you tired of?
I'm tired of not having my dog, motherfucker.
I'm not going to talk to you when you're using that language.
I'm just not.
I mean, you know, this happened once to my friend,
and the dog was masturbated by the people that found it,
and it went crazy in the head.
Yeah, I'm done talking to you.
Don't be done, please.
This is important.
Oh.
Jesus fucking God.
That's not your dog.
Haas.
We're Haas.
I want to hear you panting.
He's running fucking circles around here.
He fought a bear off.
He killed the bear.
He beat the bear.
And ran away all hurt.
Tell him to follow your voice.
I had to get a red dog.
Look at those red dogs.
He was a redneck dog.
Redneck dog.
Racist.
You can make him racist.
where dogs like that right you can raise them to be racist you just get a black guy to just go up
to them when their puppies go like that all the time you train it you go through like you go
through a ghetto mcdonald's drive-thru and the dog barks at the drive-thru person you go good dog
good you feed it mcdonald's it becomes addictive like humans all right all right you put numbers
in here huh dwight uh yeah a real couple real angry people wow one guy's pissed because his
His wife left him and his fucking kid and people are talking shit.
And he's like, fuck it, call me.
I'll tell you the truth.
Hell fuck.
Yeah.
All right.
So someone has tires used to Bridgestone patent.
I just want to call these white for gets too late because you heard she was already saying
the whole while you call it at this time.
Bullshit.
You know, I love that during a marathon.
What do you call my house?
A Friday at 1030 is like what?
Well, Baz was calling like South Africa and shit.
shit yeah him and turbo had a good approach to and uh i don't know brad's stuff was the harder
stuff i guess you were around for that more neon right yeah it got pretty dark yeah neon had to
have a prank call for me she wasn't uh well darker than than rb shooting uh giad on the ear oh yeah
yeah i talked to a guy who lost his wife and i asked him how many fingers he could fit up in his
dead wife's asshole oh that's fucked up there you go i'll let it go how long was she dead for
or she like for 989 days oh no that's okay that's good giad towards the end of his show on the
marathon ran into a woman who said i you know i didn't want to deal with this shit my husband
just died yesterday and it was you know remember that dwight and uh i don't know if you heard it
but giant giant just like backed right out of it like okay we're at least he did that
did you feel bad after that did you have a horse no no did i feel bad yeah yeah a little and then
you know i don't know brad took it out he said he could only have one widow per show
okay oh wait i can't say that i feel bad never mind i don't feel bad you know hey carlito her
lawyer says she doesn't feel bad what look what i have in my hand here looks like a pistol doesn't
it motherfucker great prank where again we're talking about the remnants not the remnants but
with the good parts of the marathon that we had,
which was actually pretty good.
We had a lot of good stuff.
Gia finally came across the Atlas gym kid prank call,
I believe, today.
He loves it.
Yeah, hey, how you doing?
You got some tires?
Yes, I do.
Oh, yeah?
You have all four?
Or two, right?
Oh, I've got two.
So what am I supposed to...
Well, how do I match them?
What do I do then?
This is pretty stupid, right?
Oh, let me see here.
Yeah, I know.
That's what I have.
215-55R18.
Yeah.
Yeah.
yeah yeah motherfucker i got 195 i have 195 65 rs um but according to the manual you can fit
the 215 55 on it just fine and it's usually better deal yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
yep yep yep yep yep so what can you tell me about the tires are they sexy are they clean
Hello?
Fuck you.
What did he say about me?
I don't know.
I think tires be sexy.
Are they sexy and clean?
Ask him if they, you know, for hydraulics or something.
Are they sexy?
I'm so Mexican.
Hello?
Yeah.
What happened?
Yes.
Are you the old C&L man who hung up the phone when I called about the tires?
Yes, I am.
And what do you want?
Do you want the tires or do you want the bullshit?
I want the motherfucking tires, motherfucker.
Motherfucker, I want the fucking tire, motherfucker.
You want the tire bullshit.
You want to talk bullshit?
Bullshit.
Motherfucker, you want to talk bullshit?
You want a tire?
I'm tired, you're tired.
You want a tire?
Oh, he ain't going to answer now, motherfucker.
Pussy.
Shut up.
All right.
Someone's looking for a young, green, broke quarter horse.
All right.
All right, 15 hands or bigger needs to be health with no injuries.
That's what it says, needs to be health.
More problems.
Going to train it on barrels.
Yeah.
Under $200.
Who can buy a horse machine for $200 or less?
It's possible.
Milkman to find out what a quarter horse is.
To find out what a quarter horse is.
I'm sure he knows the difference between a quarter horse and a half horse.
Half horse is a dunker.
it is going to kind of late here is for sale the number four sale generator it's all it says
i think the quarter horse is like breeding them it's the fucker yeah it's like how they've
bred them like quarter and thoroughbreds oh wow i'm a fucking horse if you ask me a horse is a
horse of course of course hello we are not available for the horse half horse all the same
Yeah.
I'm going to make that complaint.
If it's just a quarter horse, why do I have to pay full price?
Like Chris Rock would do.
What the?
Dude, Lord, that's a lot of money.
He's buying it, though.
Fuck it.
That wouldn't work.
The person has a yard sale.
Gave their address.
I wanted to call them, say the association canceled.
Please leave a message.
We'll get back to you as soon as possible.
All right.
I'll just leave it.
Hey, you stupid motherfucker.
I'm calling from the house association in the neighborhood, motherfucker.
Here at the Reno Street Housing Association machine.
machine and we're can we found out you have plans for a christmas holiday yard sale this weekend
it's fucking canceled it's bullshit you need to register with me my name is valente cross
and does anyone else have something to say to them on this conference call yeah go fuck yourself
buddy yeah there you go that's the mayor all right see you bye the mayor said that
like that he just starts calling his constituents all over the place hey i just want to call you
up and wish you a fucking merry christmas all right happy fucking christmas motherfucker
i've been talking he's like he's in the office drinking call him call him random constituents
i'm gonna make some calls
i say i say i say sir all right jim campbell is the first of dwight's phone numbers do you
want to explain oh no there's some up there's some up uh higher oh but the angry people are
higher angry i'd like to talk to the eddie eddie eddie yeah he's pissed because it's the word on
the street is people been talking shit about him and running their dick sucker word on the street
all right word on the street is there is a bunch of people running their t-h-e-r-e dick sucker about
me what oh their mouth i get it well let's just see this if you have some some to say let's start
Start here.
Phone number is my cell.
Call if letter you feel the need or just come by my house.
That's ever better.
Even better.
Okay.
I thought you said ever better.
My bad.
Okay.
So I'm calling him.
I heard about Eddie.
He sounds retarded.
He said it just like that.
If you want.
Word on street.
Word on street is you.
I'm tired.
Listen with me.
Talking shit about me.
Dick sucker.
Sucker motherfuckers.
Come on.
The shit is this.
Don't be able to call him if you don't answer.
Maybe somebody came by.
Yeah, we'll see.
Maybe someone did come by and fuck him up.
All right, we'll try Brian, who said,
just so that everyone knows,
my wife, Brandy, left and broke our family three weeks ago
without ever mentioning the word divorce.
Went behind my back, took out a loan,
filed for divorce, all caps,
and then told me three days later
she had also got another call by this time she left never told me shut up this guy right blah
blah i tell the truth call me if you think or hear anything negative or if you want details and i will
tell you the truth in all caps let's get the truth guys and ask her for the truth and be like
her friend or something his wife's friend brandy brandy's at my house and we've been talking oh
Brian, I can't take your call right now.
Give me a message.
He sounds like he might have been fun, but no answer.
Damn, huh?
She left a message.
No.
Yeah.
All right, I'll call again.
Tom, Brandy's at your house.
Ah, motherfucker.
You still doing this message now, or what do you think I did?
Wally gets that voicemail.
Hey, this is Brian.
I can't take your call right now.
Give me a message, and if I won't talk to you, I'll call you back as soon as I can.
Okay.
Patel, and please record your message.
when you finish recording you may hang up or press one for more options go ahead you're gonna do it
or no is it me yeah hey uh i'm here with charlotte and brandy's at our house so we were trying to
call you to find out what the truth is because she's telling us one thing that you like getting
fucked in the ass and that's what happened so we're just curious to find out right yeah and
And she needs her other cell phone back.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
I thought you were doing that.
I was hoping you were doing that.
All right, I just, at the very bottom of the Skype, I put another number.
It's another number for Eddie.
His wife just answered, and she is a fucking wild-up one.
Uh-oh.
Her number for Eddie.
She thinks I'm some guy named Tom, or Tommy.
Tommy.
When did you call her originally, Sunday?
Call who?
Did you call these people before?
No, no, this is a fresh number.
we just tried to call his number uh because he's talking people were talking shit about him
and i went to his wife's facebook and there's two numbers uh for him on there and the other
one's hers and i went and checked and she answered she said eddie's in bed but she started
mouthing off now you know how they do called her a bitch i was like let me talk to eddie's
man business she goes well you got a woman right now because you called me a quarter
talking shit all right neon ask about brandy oh she's brandy i said that he's at your house
hello is uh eddie there uh who's that don't need to know is eddie there this is his wife who is
this oh uh he didn't tell me he was married is he there he's in the bed right next to me
oh okay can you wake him up what do you want hey baby i need to talk to eddie eddie on the
fucking phone she's being a cunt when i called yeah so what do you want i need to talk to eddie
Eddie, I don't need to talk to you, okay?
I don't know how dense you are.
Put him on the damn phone.
You're calling my fucking phone.
Well, I don't know.
This is the fucking number he gave me, okay?
Cool your jets, honey.
Wake his ass up because I need to talk to him, all right?
Last time I checked, I ain't answering nobody in quite a while.
Don't call my phone.
Tell him I'll wake my husband up.
Your husband?
I'm getting real tired of you.
Excuse me?
I'm getting real tired of you.
You know what?
I need to talk to Eddie because, you know what?
He fucking knocked my ass up.
i need to talk to him is that what you want to know you want to know that your husband's
fucking somebody on the side yeah it got all fucking quiet now what do you want i need to
talk to that man that man is laying right here in the van next to his wife wide awake with their
own speaker listening to every fucking okay cool yeah well maybe he'll have a mouth to talk because
he had a mouth for other things put him on why do you have to be on there at home yeah my motherfucking
phone you must be the dick sucker and the warden that's what he called you the warden yeah i'm
Apparently, I'm pretty good at it, too.
Yeah, really?
Because I guess he landed me pretty good, huh?
Want to know, he's going to have a son.
Just want to let you know.
You sound like somebody that's pretty barren anyway.
Full of cigarettes and old lipstick.
He's got three of them.
I got three of them?
Wow, you sound really stupid.
I said, he's got three of them.
You sound real stupid.
Yeah, your man pretty much moved on to somebody that was a little smarter than you.
They got three of them.
The other son.
Yeah, it's his whole life, really.
You're really boring.
You're boring.
Bye.
Bye.
You fucking cunt.
Sorry.
Sorry, Dirk.
What's up?
What's up?
No, she was angry when she thought it was a Tommy guy.
That's what was setting her off.
Thank you for calling Rose.
Para instrucciones en espanol, marque tres.
Are you calling fuckhead in Tool World?
To the store, press one.
For three hours, press two.
To reach a department directly, press five.
Or to speak with the operator, press zero.
for information on deliveries press one for scheduled installations press two commercial
sales press three appliances press four lumber and building materials press five flooring press
six hardware and tools press seven for more depart transferring to i was at tool world today
picking something up a snap-on tool no they had a dewalt drill and two batteries for like 99 bucks
It's a good fucking name.
Oh, yeah?
And you can't pay the internet?
Oh, shit.
Oh, bro!
No, that's Jag that can't pay the internet.
Are you wasting your money?
Did you use a coupon?
No, because it was already on sale.
Do you gamble with coupons?
It was $50 off.
Do you play poker with coupons in your family?
I don't gamble.
It's fucked up, Carlita.
Break on through to the fucking sun.
Sorry, Dwight.
That was bad.
Dwight doesn't want to talk to you now.
Dwight's like, I got this below the coupon.
Apply it.
Sir, we don't do bologna here.
You can't apply.
It's that guy.
Because of the guy from Honolulu.
Sir, I've already told you.
I can't apply.
Your bologna coupon or your purchase.
Don't even open, fucker, right?
Nah.
What are you doing?
Yep!
Yep!
Best buy?
No.
Let's go back to Dwight's numbers.
Dwight, you okay?
I'm sorry.
You don't do that.
Man, Dwight's numbers suck.
If anyone is interested, I have two Galaxy S4s for sale.
Both have been restored to factory specs.
They both are included...
No.
They both are in excellent condition.
No scratches or blemishes on either phone.
Hit me up on the chat box or a phone call.
myself. Thanks, Jimbo.
Maybe, uh, hiccup me.
Alright. Gotta do something about my
fire. Where's that song?
Hey, hi. How you doing, baby? Light my
fire. Is that Jim? Um, yeah.
I wanna get those Galaxy S...
I wanna get those Galaxy S4s. I'll put them up
my asshole and visit my boyfriend
in jail. Yeah, I got
big condoms. I bet he'll be looking forward to that.
Well, he gets a lot of money for it.
How much? I bet. He gets a lot of commissary.
How much, uh... Commissary. He's really...
How much are you... Huh? How much are you
were you uh they're s4s are they rooted no they're not rooted and they're they're fucking
brand new they're no no scratches on them no blemishes no nothing they were in cases the
whole time sir i still have the cases on them oh okay all right motherfucker yeah i gotta see
make sure they work you know i'm gonna buy i've got a whole bunch of burner sims and yeah i sneak
these in yeah my asshole i do one at a time one at a time yeah i have a big asshole yeah so what
What I do is I'm like, oh, I act like I'm having chest pains, and then I shit out the fucking phone.
And then my inmate friend, he picks it up, yeah, and he puts it up his asshole when I was looking.
Oh, nice.
Yeah.
I have a really good lube.
It's like the best lube.
It's called like a Swiss lube.
Okay, if you say so.
All right.
Hey, fucking asshole, I'm being serious.
This is serious.
I am taking you serious.
Stupid motherfucker, you.
What's your name?
What's it to you?
You going to tell anyone?
Hey.
oh okay he got serious what's it to you are you talk to white see put it in my ass holes
hello how you doing is this mr jimbo yeah sure isn't it yeah you got those phones for sale still
or did you get rid of them they're still they're still for sale i'll talk but there's somebody
that's already spoken for them it's already spoken for them well what what do i have to do to get in
the line in front of them speak their offer well what was he fucking what's the offer what do you
you really got on the table. 400 bucks is her offer,
okay? Bullshit. What's that?
I'll give you respect, whether you deserve
it or not, okay? Oh, listen,
listen, I got a hot wife. 400 bucks.
Okay, well, she's not that hot. She's about
three bills, but she'll suck your dick to get to the
front of the line. Um, I got that all
I need, man. You know what I'm saying?
You think you're funny running your red dick
sucker there, pal? What's your problem,
dick lips? I'm not trying to be, I'm not
trying to be funny, dude. You're trying to be fucking
funny with me. You know what? I didn't do
fucking 20 years over in Attica
to deal with this bullshit.
Okay, have a good night. Talk to you later.
I've beat wholesale ass for less.
Ba-da-bop.
I'm back, motherfuckers.
Motherfucker. Big teeth.
Big teeth. Yeah, big teeth.
You didn't roll it good.
You just got glossed over it.
You told me to catch it. I just lost it.
Just because I imagined it was like, yeah, sure.
I don't even know why I fucking said it.
It just fucking...
Hey, how you doing there, big teeth?
Amy says it's the season to come get your nails done for Christmas.
Only $20 includes nail art.
Call this number to make your appointment.
Neon, is that a good deal?
It sounds pretty cheap, actually.
You think it's shit?
Yeah.
You want to take it?
Yeah, that's fine.
I don't mean to box your stereotypes.
Oh, I know you do.
Yeah, that's fine.
Hi, is this Amy?
She's not here right now.
Looking at her ad that was on Facebook for her nail appointments for Christmas.
Do you know anything about that?
Yeah.
Did she want to make an appointment?
Well, I'm new to the area, and I was wondering, it just sounds like too good of a deal to pass up.
What kind of nail art does she do?
She hand paints it all.
She hand paints?
Wow.
That's, like, pretty cheap.
like does she do like the whole full manicure or does she just kind of put a little bit of
cuticle oil and then just paint on your nails what is that noise i'm not sure that's my mom
my mom's not here can you call her in the morning why are you answering the phone is someone having
sex back there really holy crap that sounds like a really noisy bed hey me me me me me
she was still there i killed her but that's that that's uh the end made that loop oh
i've never really used it that's kind of funny sorry
that's okay i was like what the hell's going on
all right uh jonathan has a new number and uh he wants to text his name text our name so he can
save it and be lazy and not
have to transfer
content. Wow. That's a good thing.
You know, that chick is sent automatically for you now.
Fuck. Pretty shit.
You must have a burner, right? 386
is where I grew up. His last name is Purvis.
That's where I grew up, man.
386. Present. We're sorry.
Well, I guess the word he used up
is Obama, man.
Yeah. Nope.
I cut up reading stuff. Gary Clark.
Why did I give out his last name?
You're stupid. Gary.
Western mirror for sale
50 bucks
Come on
Fuckers don't answer
Okay
Next is Robert
Who lost what a dog I guess
Looks like it
We could ask him what he lost
Maybe it's a snake
I think the fucking dog bit you
He's got to pay for your medical bills
Tell him you're going to feed him to your snake
If you look at the guy's Facebook
He looks like a real fucking douche bag
just tell him you found a random like lost pet it could be anything and you named it king so it says
it's to come get it hey motherfucker see that you lost king i think hey hello hello hey how you doing
boy what's up i think i found your dog machine your what your dog your dog machine my dog machine
yeah what the hell is a dog machine a dog you know like the animal the dog machine yeah yeah you lost
That's called a dog, man.
That's called a dog, not a dog machine.
Hey, don't be...
Listen, I think I might have found your dog machine.
My dog machine?
I don't think you found it, nigga.
I did.
You sure?
Yeah.
Yeah, where you at?
Where you at?
Come on.
I'm here.
I'm in Dr. Phillips, motherfucker.
Where you at, motherfucker?
Goddamn, nigga.
Your phone call said you were coming from fucking Hawaii, nigga.
Where the fuck...
I'm from Hawaii originally, but I moved to Dr. Phillips, motherfucker.
I'm in Metro West, motherfucker.
All right?
You know what's up in Metro West?
What does that have to do with me?
Nigga, where you at, son?
What does that have to do with me, nigga?
Where you at, son?
Where you at, in Kissimmee, motherfucker?
Kissimmee?
Yeah.
I'm over there right now, bro.
Don't worry about it.
You eating rice and beans, motherfucker?
I'm eating rice and beans, yeah.
Yeah, let me talk to that sexy girl over there.
I'm always eating rice and beans in Kissimmee, bro.
Let me talk to the sexy girl over there.
The sexy girl?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Say hello.
Hey, honey, baby.
How are you?
Are you two girls?
Huh?
I'll put neon on.
She's looking for a date.
Here you go, Neon.
Hey, hi.
Hey.
Did you really lose something, or do you want me to help you find it?
Yeah.
Who am I talking to, the girl or you?
Or Robert?
Little Bobby.
Bobby Garcia.
Who is this?
Who am I talking to?
Hello?
I don't know who you are.
Okay.
Hey, so what did you lose?
Did you lose a dog, or did you lose a cat, or a snake, or a hamster?
What did you lose?
because on your on your facebook it says lost if anyone has seen him what did you lose
you lost a hamster i think it's pretty clear on facebook shut up go go clean the hey yeah
shut up i'm talking to mr garcia little bobby i'm gonna call you little bobby go get me a cerveza
shut up bitch i don't know you're i don't know robert sounds kind of faggy so it could have been
a snake, you know, a brown
snake. Shut up, they hung up. What's wrong with you?
I'm home. He's living with his
mom. He's like, damn, nigga.
He said you were in Hawaii, nigga.
Hello? Yeah, hey.
We were talking. What happened? You hung up?
Hello?
What the hell's going on with you?
Hey, how you doing? Did you find the sofa king
or what?
What are you doing? Yeah,
sofa king. Sofa king?
I was looking for a sofa king.
say it really slowly
what are you guys doing over there
what happened
fucking movie
oh yeah
Dwight's over here he's spitting his dick around
you gonna spit on his dick for him Robert Garcia
hey Robert you ever had your
shit pushed in bro
what was that
you ever had your shit pushed in
she quit laughing I ain't talking to her
she's fucking annoying
is that your mom to shut the fuck up
yo the fuck are you laughing about you guinea cocksucker hey you know what we found king and
we're just gonna cut him up and send him to china or something oh yeah yeah fucking chinese
fucking food they're gonna cut his ass up yeah they're gonna bite into him because you know
they're pretty friendly they're gonna fuck him oh my god that girl sounds stupid oh crap sounds
Sounds like she got some fucking vocal damage, like she's taking one too many cocks to the fucking mouth.
Yeah, probably that dog cock.
What's up, baby? You got that red rocket fever?
You got any peanut butter? I want to show you something.
You want to show me some peanut butter?
If you have some peanut butter, I can show you something really good.
Hey, did you ever sell timeshares or vacation packages on that building off I-4?
Yeah.
You did?
I always did.
Oh, yeah? Did you?
I did.
Yeah? Really?
Is your name Carlos?
Carlos? Is your name Carlos?
My name is always Carlos.
I don't know why the fuck you guys were calling me Robert in the first place.
I don't know, yeah.
I know you. You're a nice, you're a good people.
You're a nice guy.
I don't know you. You're from Hawaii.
Where gay people are from.
You should know, you've been there.
Does this sound like I'm gay? I mean, look who I'm hanging out with.
Whoa.
Hello?
Hey, why don't you go tell your mother to go ahead and go back in the back,
and have another bourbon or fucking carton of cigarettes there.
really hey you know that bitch that's in the background can you slap her around a couple
times and maybe she'll get that stupid ass laugh off her off out of her mouth
hey you don't talk to her like what's wrong with you yeah listen bitch i'll come over there and
i'll hold you while my woman fucking ray rice is you pick a race
stupid ass bitch man you sound like you're from uh you sound like you're a howley from
From Hawaii.
Just took him over there and gave you a fucking one-two combo,
and that'll be all that we said.
It'll be done.
Drag her ass, man.
Face down.
All right.
Bye, Robert.
Thanks for boring.
Bye.
Let's hear it for the end once again.
Great performance by him last year.
I never realized I had that clip,
and how just funny it is to have it going on in the background out of the Springs.
It's not appropriate.
I gotta call places for jobs during the day
playing that. You know what that sounds like
is when Arby snuck
back into LayLady and he was fucking that couch
and almost bled out. Without protection.
I'm proud to get back there
and get my information without anybody
being there. Well, it was close.
He just fucking walked in.
Tomorrow I gotta upload all that shit
and all the shows that were behind.
I gotta re-encode them and upload them.
Tabachi was fucking
he was right on the money, man.
He was getting the shit edited in
and put up real quick.
Did Baz ever come back with his show?
Did he ever figure that out?
I have no idea.
Baz did a show, and it was a good show.
I think I even called in during it.
And, uh, fucking he didn't record it.
Oh, he just had to record and select it on Mixler?
No, he didn't.
Might have been a little 420 involved.
I mean, seriously, I was a little disappointed
because I wanted the whole thing to be together.
Oh, I do.
So I just started choking myself, choking myself.
No, there's a shoutcast
Brad says he recorded the entire
24 hours in a shoutcast
I don't know if it's one file, I think it is
So that makes transferring it a bitch
But he said he sent it to Baz
I don't think Baz is going to have the time to do that
I don't mind doing it
So if anyone has a copy of that
You can send that to me
To anyone who's listening
Put the word down, looking for a copy of that
Because I'll find it and take it out in the jiffing
And we'll have the entire thing
We'll put it on a special page
page i'm on the website i'm wondering if we still have atlas's number and you could speak
to his mommy again that'd be there somewhere where'd you get the numbers from uh i got it
from the uh pranksgiving numbers i'm gonna go look and see if we still have it that fuck call
is too perfect sorry i'm busy clearing my last iv here yes i did come home from the hospital yes
last night late last night yeah and i have taken iv antibiotics at home right now i'm
Flushing the Line, as the title
of the show is called, on
Netflix. Yeah, but seriously,
Baz, or whoever has a copy of that,
please get it to me so we can make it public.
I know it's out there. I guess Brad would be the guy.
In the meantime, did you find that number yet?
Nope, they removed it from the document
so we don't have it anymore.
I should have definitely saved it.
I wonder if I did save it. I should have.
Did you save it as a contact?
I didn't.
Listen, you can come back and work out.
No, we just don't want you stealing shit and masturbating in the showers.
Masturbating.
What the fuck?
Showing it to the priest.
I never did that.
I just go in there and flex a little.
I'd play it, but you already played it on your show.
Let's play that.
Stephanie Mejia.
Honey, baby, how are you?
What was going on over there?
Come on, we gotta go.
Sounded like a domestic violence situation about the head.
It sounds like they just shot somebody.
I bet that's her man Alex in the background.
He's a monster.
They just robbed a bank or something.
She hung right up.
She gave me the fuck here.
Alright, whatever. Goonie Low.
New number. Goonie Low.
Tell them you're Chester Copperpot.
The voicemail box of
4-1-4-3
The voicemail box of
Nope.
Here's Leah. Leah.
I'm now a stylist at Dre's Hair Salon.
For bookings, call the salon
or text me.
And then hashtag new beginnings.
Hashtag blessed. Hashtag
book with me.
Alright. Call her.
book one. That's you, Neon, because
you have estrogens.
Dwight's still in the middle of his conversion.
Widget. Dwight takes
his mom's menopause
medication. That's a lie. I get mine
from Gary Brodsky.
We are now located in the
airpark design center. Did I call the fucking
wrong one? Yeah, I called the business. Of course
they're closed. Greenway, Hayden, Luce.
Whoops. Getting the right one now.
I didn't mean to put spaces
in there. Here we go. No. No, no.
This girl got a whole lot of tattoos and shit.
There we go, there we go.
And a big nose.
I got you.
He reached for you.
Fine.
Cesar has a Honda Accord.
Cesar.
I don't know if it's no Toyota Sella.
Can you put it in?
Of course his name is Cesar and he has a Honda Accord.
Yeah.
It's a five, it's a five-speed.
Manual.
But here's the motherfucker.
It's $1,400.
What year?
You want to guess?
94.
Uh, I was going to say 92-ish.
I say 99.
Let's see who's closest to the pin.
We're going closest without going over?
Without going over.
Price is right style.
Okay, well, let's have a look at the Facebook, see if we can find out, because he didn't pick up.
I love the part of the show when the shit doesn't pick up.
I don't even see the description.
Show all that.
I don't know, I don't care anymore.
I win.
Yay.
Yay.
Yay, the dealer wins every time.
Timmy had to get a new number.
Aha.
The day is all bright and filled with pain.
No gentle touch.
Wrong button.
So, Max, striking out here now.
Dakota had to reset the phone, okay?
I wonder if this is the Dakota that G.I. Dad punched his friend.
Is it a boy or a girl?
I think it's a guy.
It should be a girl.
actually this looks kind of close to uh the guy we had punch his friend
oh it was that was too funny she adds like he's like are you trying to get this kid to hit his
friend i'm like yep and he's like ah okay it's a girl i was right yeah it's it's a girl
Nah, I was a boy.
He looked at Facebook.
Yeah.
Sounded like a girl.
Oh, kind of.
Rage.
He didn't look at the phone, and as soon as he grabs the phone, she just fucking hit him.
Sounds like he was on Lux.
He's like Lux before he was Lux.
He's like baby Lux.
Lux, she didn't steal.
Gross, Dwight.
That's what maybe he went by.
This is a Pontiac for sale.
Yeah, you got a Pontiac for sale?
You got a Pontiac for sale?
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
I like it.
How long have you had Pontiac?
The whole time?
Since it was born?
Hello?
Mira.
Mira.
Hello?
No, no, no, no.
It was Blanca Nieves.
Yeah.
No, no.
No, no.
That's what she said in her head.
No, no.
Oh, it's been forwarded to an audience.
Welcome.
David Reader has the help wanted.
Anyone looking for work, we need help on the farm machine.
They are able to offer a flexible schedule, a wide variety of jobs, and $9 an hour.
Oh, my God.
You should milk the bulls.
Can't wait to buy that Pontiac.
I'm going to milk the bulls.
Going to get some horse meat.
Sorry, the person you were trying to reach has avoided.
Damn it.
I'll try them again.
You want to set it up, Dwyer?
You don't do that anymore.
I'll do it again.
Oh, set it up.
Stop doing that.
Chicken.
That is fun.
Sorry, the person you were trying to reach.
Okay, Cree has a number here posted.
And she said, hey, guys, just thought I'd let you know my new number is this.
It's a good idea.
Crank's for letting us know, bitch.
Cree.
Creeca.
I call her Creeca.
Her name is Creeca.
Cree.
Cree Autumn Tafoya.
Come on, answer.
I got to do this one.
Cannot be reached at the moment.
We're going to ring them again.
Damn it.
God.
She made a post on her page.
I think I'm rubbing off on my mom.
Oh, my God.
Her mom.
Here's the picture.
I don't know how to describe it.
Rubbing off on my mom.
The girl's enough.
I mean, do we have to see the mom?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's coming down the pipe right now.
I think I'm rubbing off.
Here it comes.
Oh, I saw it.
I'm on the profile.
Here's for the chat room, too.
Oh, my God.
Oof.
Please leave a message.
Is that her or the mom?
That's the mom.
That's the mom.
I think I'm rubbing off on my mom.
She looks like a pig with, like, human arms.
It looks like she has headgear on or something.
Oh, yeah.
How would you like that?
Suck in your dick, Carly.
Have that coming at you.
Oh, baby.
If I had that coming at me.
Just slip the knot on there.
She's got a slip knot shirt on.
She could run at me, my dick would retreat and go inside and be like, oh, fuck, you're not getting it that.
You'd be gay for pay after that.
Yeah, you'd be gay for pay.
All right, David says, anyone interested in buying a box that you don't ever have to pay for cable again?
Oh, fuck, illegal cable.
Get that black box, yo.
Ask for the fuck box.
This has got to be a cop.
Located in town, including live TV channels, inbox me.
What are you talking about, man?
It's probably some kind of cheap USB dongle or something like that.
I tell him I got to watch porn.
Ask him if he got any good.
Mention his girl, his girl Emily.
We're sorry.
I fucked your girl too, dog.
We're sorry.
Insufficient funds are...
I'm out of credits and you know what?
My debit card got shut down yesterday.
Oh, shit.
I can't buy more.
Get another credit card machine.
No, I don't want to.
I refuse to.
Yeah, it got shut down because it was involved in some kind of data breach.
Somebody was watching porn.
Yeah.
In the hospital.
Well, we went over an hour.
That's what I expected.
Dashie says you can use Colorific.
I don't know Colorific.
So what do you do?
You add it and you put it.
Can you just type the commands in?
I can work the commands.
All right.
Do the commands.
Whatever you want to call them.
Yeah, put it in.
We got to bring the Dashie in here, though.
Okay.
So he can add it.
Okay.
I'm calling you, Dashie.
You're not picking up.
i don't think he's online dude he's online he just want to message me okay well in that case
try calling that colorific right there uh dashie has added color so call this okay
hang on please
what do i have to do why am i having trouble i'm i'm in an inebriated state
what am i not doing here what do i need to do do i
Do you have your privacy settings?
Do you only accept people on your contact list?
Yeah, but they're both
dashes of my contacts. I just gotta drag them over to the contact list.
Yeah, but the Call of Riffick isn't.
Oh, okay. Boom.
Alright.
So...
He just sent you a friend request from the
Call of Riffick. Okay.
Here we go.
Good. Okay.
And now Call of Riffick can join.
There it goes.
Let me just stop. Okay, look,
I'm going to take a break anyway.
Look, let me get some water.
Maybe we should rebuild the conference or something.
Maybe.
Yeah, maybe we should.
Oh, that's...
I don't know.
Maybe.
I don't know.
All right, well, yeah.
Okay, let me take a break real quick,
and we'll take care of this, okay?
When we come back, we have more numbers.
Are you getting more numbers also, Dwight, or...
Yeah, I'll get some more numbers.
Yeah.
I really wanted to call Lowe's.
For some reason, I've been in the mood to call them
for some time now.
Like, when I was in the hospital,
I was like, man, I really miss those Lowe's calls.
Anyway.
Um, yeah, so hang on. I'll be back in just a moment. Thank you

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