Madhouse Radio – 12/21/2014 Show - Madhouse Live Search

Get up, get there, cowboy.

No, fuck.

You little monkey.

You bastard.

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

I don't want to take my time going to work.

I got a motorcycle and a sleeping bag and 10 or 15 girls.

What the hell I want to go off and go to work for?

Work for what?

Money?

I got all the money in the world.

I'm the king, man.

I run the underworld, guy.

I decide who's does what and where they do it at.

When am I going to run around and act like I'm some teeny bopper somewhere for somebody else's money?

i make the money man i roll the nickels the game is mine i deal the cards

bullshit they got no business negotiating they'll be going back in there with a bullet

for everybody in the yard is that right we do it now we do it later

hey everybody it's carlito and i'm here with milkman yeah milkman yeah milkman yay

yay all right and we're gonna do prank calls here if you're listening and you're not in the

chat room i don't know what to tell you because i don't think you can get in the chat room if

you're not already registered so fuck it might as well take that off the old word doc here for

for now fucking shit motherfuckers anyway um hey this is madhouse radio and i'd like to thank you

for listening i don't really have anything planned as usual didn't want to mention if you're having

trouble tuning in because you're on a mobile device or a slow connection like old man nook

man there all you got to do well here's a suggestion if you go to tinyurl.com slash

slash pcn tune in so i hope you understood that tinyurl.com slash pcn tune in and that's our tune

in page where you can use the shoutcast feed which runs well i think that's a 24k uh per second

instead of mixer which i think does 160 something or 192 per second so you're looking at about

pretty significant less bandwidth usage so if you're maybe on a mobile device and you're outside

side of range from your 4g or 3g or if you're just on 3g or worse edge oh my god do they even

make edge anymore anyway or if you're on a slow connection if you're stealing your wi-fi

stuff like that or you got the denny's the denny's you know denny's gets nice and busy

with all the emo kids at night drinking coffee forwarded to an automatic they hit the f-u-c-k-y-o-u

you button fucker third time all right never mind here's someone else big tiffany fanny that's the

name you don't hear anymore maybe i'll name my daughter fanny oh hey is uh tiffany there

tiffany you should serious uh tiffany has what plus size pants for free or for sale

yeah shit that's why i said tiffany maybe they called her that in school oops all right

right we're sorry the number and cut okay okay your call has been forwarded to an automatic

voicemail straight to voicemail buddy how you doing you got some stuff there you're trying to

work on trying to get rid of excuse me you got a you got a flat bottom boat machine

yeah yeah is it got what kind of glass material does that have in that motherfucker

motherfucker is it a glass bottle is it a glass fucking fucking piece of shit

how fast can you get those motherfuckers going i don't like the way he talk i'm gonna hang up

because i went to church today asshole you asshole bye that's what happened at his house

bye asshole but i don't say asshole your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message

system four two three your call has been forwarded to an automatic okay moving along next call

attempt is someone who's selling an antique bee smoker that's what i'm talking about bee smoker

it's just a pot with a big spigot on it oh man i wonder how those bee smoker works

yeah that's someone who no one that seems like a cool profession no one will really

fuck with you or be an asshole to you the beekeeper i'm the beekeeper hello yeah is that

the beekeeper are you the beekeeper you had the bee smoker for sale yeah dude oh yeah i'm trying

to become my own i'm trying to become a beekeeper i got some bee machines i got some i got some

combs and shit yeah so uh what else can i do with the bee smoker like what do i do can i stick it in

the bottom of the fucking thing of the beehive and just smoke them from the inside can i do that

to the bees i don't have a clue i just uh i was selling this for a step daughter i don't know

anything about these oh your stepdaughter is a beekeeper no huh she just somebody gave her this

and she want me to sell it for her oh she's not in the baby she was some guy that was a

beekeeper that gave that to her some guy was that it hello sir yellow hey he kept us connected i

don't know why i just i just killed it he mumbled repeating what i said oh did we say that to the

The daughter, stepdaughter.

Call has been forwarded to an automated...

I'm persistent, if not anything.

I am nothing if not persistent.

Is that how you say it?

Our call has been forwarded to an automated...

Okay, man.

Real quick, I want to say thank you to everyone

who's listening to us on our

Shelfcast networks, which would be

the PCN station.

Hello.

guys hi um the live shows are on on shoutcast now by the way now it comes and goes sometimes

but i'm working on getting it fixed permanently here's milkman hello oh milkman hey can you hear

me now yeah now i hear you buddy can you hear me i hear you i said motherfucker no man okay i think

i'm lagging a little bit just a little bit you're right but you know story you know i'm sorry dude

I like the whole five minutes or you was announcing dude. I like gave you a great send-off dude

I want to thank everybody for listening to that, but I want to repeat it if you don't mind

Okay, yeah

So good to hear your melodious tones my brother, it's so good to be back in the madhouse

Getting excited man for all the calls. You got lined up for us, man. What do you got in store for us big brother?

i got a bunch of bullshit i got some people that aren't gonna answer and one guy's gonna grumble

repeating what i say probably that cocky cocky so yeah we got that to look forward to you excited

oh man dude i have plopped the wood out got the wood out got the old madhouse wood going

do i want to know what you're talking about what no because it's just a bunch of bullshit you know

of me dude i'm just making shit up hey everybody milkman guy has got his erection on and took it

out for while he's doing his show he's what i now i left that up for you to decide i said the mad

house would i said get it on man actually it is a gavel and see anybody gets a bad call they get

the gopher pop right in the head little gopher pops out the bad call back in the hole you go

okay i imagine i imagine you do the show with like your hand on your pants for half of it

probably stroking your pubic hairs how are you going to be able to see me on the skype dude

like cover up the whole picture my hand is huge and my wang is tiny and you have a big pubic bush

you said you don't shave or anything because you got something i lost you again good yeah

masturbated in a bathroom and you got crabs all right everybody listen so i was trying to say

that we are on a uh blue planet prank radio which has 68 listeners right now that's a lot and then

we're also on the pla shoutcast so all together right now we have 105 people on shoutcast which

is more than the 72 who are listening on mixler so think about it yeah yeah think about it yay

milkman dropped yay now we're gonna have to talk to him let's try to call that guy again okay we

got some carding calls i need to do i got some carding calls all the milkman haters just like

Yeah, look, man.

I'm at Hillock.

Yeah.

Call has been forwarded to an automated.

Now we're going to call Big Dick Rick.

Yeah, hi.

I see that you posted you have several ladders, aluminum ladder machines that you're trying to.

Just a moment.

I'll let you talk to my husband.

Yeah, put a man on the phone.

Damn it.

What are you doing there, Big Dick Rick?

What's going on, buddy?

Hey.

Take your cab, boy.

No, fuck you, hoss.

I'm trying to get them ladders to get up your ass, dear cab boy.

i think that was cool rob what do you think milkman you know cool rob yeah great oh yeah

milkman oh yeah milkman can't hear me at all nope nope nope nope

pick up the phone motherfucker motherfucker

motherfucker pick up the phone motherfucker hey motherfucker

Motherfucker!

All right, that was an excellent answering tape machine message we just lost.

If I were so inclined, I could have cracked and hacked into it like a hacker.

But no, I don't do those things.

It's bad.

Bad for you.

But if you're Brad Cart, I don't do it because I don't know how to do it on the fly like Brad and others.

I just don't know.

If I did, I'd probably do it.

Listen, pendejos, good news.

We have Cardings, as I said.

I will play the voicemail from the first one.

It's a guy named Javi.

Hi, Roy.

This is Javier.

I'm the owner of Yukon, where you put your name and phone number last night.

Please give me a call back.

All right?

Thank you.

You're welcome.

young man you're welcome all right well let's give him a call

you know i don't know if you guys were privy or noticed but

friday was the last episode for many uh late night tv hosts as far as where they're at in

their career david letterman did his last i don't think it was his last show but his last christmas

special show on friday stephen colbert did his last colbert report because he's taking over for

david letterman craig ferguson did his last episode all together friday i believe and he's

being replaced by a different british guy apparently a gentleman who's had a very successful

late night talk show uh career in the uk and it's not bringing that over to the united states who

else i think that was it right yeah but they all did their own send-offs it's pretty cool

motherfucking day motherfucker all right well the next one that we have here

is iliana i think her name is anyway she has a range rover and if you're not getting what we're

we're doing what i'm doing here not we i'm by myself right now if you're not getting what i'm

doing uh brad on uh for his shows he from time to time i guess does the thing where he has people

leave a note post a note or whatever on other people's windshields and parking lots that says

sorry i dinged your car signed roy and a phone number that roy has i don't know what it is off

right now but and so he gets a lot of fake people calling him like missing chromosomes people who

are like stupid or just trying to get on the air and but he does get some legit people so javier

we just called as you heard him said he was returning a call over a note that was left on

his car now you understand if you're new to this concept because you're not a regular listener to

brad carter which i would understand how that would happen here's the next one listen to the

Hey, Roy. This is Liliana. I got your note that you left on my husband's truck regarding the Range Rover that's parked in the city of Sylmar.

I'm not sure if you saw any damages that I didn't. I inspected the truck and it seemed like it's okay.

I'm not sure if you just left your number in case there was a dent that you had not noticed.

If you could just call me back to clarify that. My husband looked around and he didn't see any damages to the truck, so I think we're good.

I just wanted to clear that up with you.

If you can just please return my call, 818.

All right, there you go, everybody.

That was a voicemail message left by Neon Like Bjork.

And let's give her a call back about the day.

No, no, Eliana.

Oh, man.

This was from seven days ago, a week ago.

Stale number machine.

But here's Melissa who called back, I believe, today.

Is today the 21st?

Sure, man.

Man, is it really the 21st already?

God damn it.

Yes, 21st all day.

All right, it's called Marissa.

Oh, let's play her voicemail.

I don't want to say rioting.

Hi, Roy.

My name is Melissa.

I put a note on my car windshield actually yesterday.

I didn't notice it until yesterday, but about you getting to my car and to call you.

I think it was at me, probably.

Um, I'm, uh, anybody who didn't even know, it's unusual.

So, but anyway, my name is Melissa.

Um, my phone number, I'll talk to you later.

Thank you.

Okay.

Welcome.

Bye.

I ain't going to be living no voicemails either.

Uh-oh.

Got a VCR in the back of my car that I guess and swap me and motherfuckers better not try.

Oops, sorry, Bradley.

I tried R. Bradley C. Carter P.

Back to Swap Shot numbers.

Oh, my God.

Does anyone know, anyone who enjoyed this album or enjoys Dr. Dre or hip-hop in general,

the reports on this song, like the news clips on this song,

I always wondered if they were real or fake,

if there were actors or there were actual legit reports from the field

during the L.A. Riots, 92, Ronnie King.

I think there were actually actors.

I think so.

Illuminati actors.

Okay.

And then it sounds kind of like some movie shit

Movie level

90s movie level

Alright someone here is talking about

5 acres of land

With a decent fence

10,000 cash

Or best offer

5 acres with a fence

It has no well or buildings yet

It has a creek running through the property

That's dope

I'd build a compound there

I'd build the capital of prank calling

calling dale are you fucking there and shit it's been forwarded to a fucking dale it's been

forwarded to an automatic voice message okay anyway hey earlier was talking about how we're

on shoutcast of course we're on mixler um i was trying to get to that we're actually

as of tonight this is the first time that pcn is broadcasting on twitch twitch.tv if you don't

know what that is then don't worry about it because you don't care about games and stuff

Well, if you know what Twitch is, hi to anyone who's listening to us over there on them.

Twitch.tv, right?

Twitch.tv slash Prank Call Nation.

I believe that's correct.

Milkman, are you here now, boy?

Hey, boy.

How are you?

Hey, boy.

Hello.

Hey.

All right, boy.

Listen, I'm not getting many pickups.

Actually, I've barely gotten a prank call so far.

We've been on the air for 40 minutes.

Here is a 94 Mustang GT.

Come with the pink lipstick tube.

That's disgusting.

Reach the voicemail box of...

Maybe I'll disconnect the cable again.

How'd you like that?

That is a Peter on a poodle on a...

Don't say that pink lipstick stuff, okay?

It's gross.

All right, I won't do chapstick no more, I promise.

This is the last one I'll try on this site.

This is an 06 Nissan for sale.

14...

No, bullshit.

140K miles.

Ooh.

But it's in great shape.

for 2006 140 000 miles what do you think there's 2006 eight years how many miles is that a year

8 000 miles a year not bad you said 40 that's eight times about 6 000 miles a year then right

am i right am i off 60 and a half 4 500 are you sure about that math you said how many miles you

said 40 000 in six no no 140 000 oh 140 000 so add 33 to that so 78 78 78 miles a year 7800

miles a year yeah no it's not that's not right dude what are you okay okay so hang on we can

do this we can do this hang on 100 and let me do google one four zero listen listen one four zero

zero zero zero zero base slash space how many years eight years six years no 2006 vehicle so

let's say let's say it's seven years well that's it's gonna be 20 000 miles a year

they drove 20 000 out of eight years it would have been a 17 500 and a commonly at least gives

you 12 1200 miles 12 000 miles a year right so they were driving about 17 500 a year yeah

yeah they drove it they drove it then they i mean they didn't i mean they didn't do some

cross-country crazy shit but they well depends when they got it because listen if it's eight

years old it's that but you know like for example like i when i got my 2009 vehicle i bought it in

2008 like mid 2008 so it's already a year old so you got a hell of a deal on it yeah exactly

i oh whenever i buy a car i always get it like i always go when right when i see that they drop

the prices on the current ones i know that the newer ones are coming out and i'll go online and

on the forums are like oh yeah the the 50 2015 is you know here's some pictures of it it's going to

be released on this day and dealerships are already getting it you know what i mean that's

when i go when that when that oh no we know when that next year's version comes out already that's

what i do yeah ah that's good yeah man because you like best deals you're having that shit

especially when it's a new generation of the car you got when they change the generation so they do

a whole big you know body change and interior change you know whether they haven't had you're

still diving driving this dodge stratus right no no man that's mr valente oh okay jack masterson

doesn't drive because he gets a wheelchair transportation stretcher transportation

that's right mercedes mobile how about that no rascal scooter mercedes mobile rotisserie wallace

just has a bike because he has duis and can't afford a car he rides the bus stuff like that

just walks he walks rotisserie wallace just walks you know yeah lysol i don't know i think

lysol will probably drive like a one of them caddies with a diamond in the back you know

what i mean nice candy colored caddy yeah is it possible i'm like locked out of the chat because

Because, like, I keep trying to log in.

I can't get nothing.

I don't know.

I don't know about chat.

I couldn't tell you.

I don't know.

Trying to figure it out so far.

I don't think so.

I don't think you should be locked out.

But didn't we try this already once and we figured you're...

Since I've been in here last.

I thought we figured out your internet connection was blocking the ports or the protocol or whatever.

Remember?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, here's how I do it.

I log in, and I tether, and I do it only through the PC.

Okay.

I don't think that works.

I don't think that's going to work.

I think they're blocking them ports.

to

they're blocking green valley 6697 and all them those ports you know what i mean

you gotta get a vpn man i gotta get a whole new headache man vpn machines

i'm a nigga from the motherfucking street i'm a nigga from the motherfucking say that

because it's in a song in green valley we are now open and for your convenience we are open

all night tonight to speak with the department associate press three for direction four for

i also did hear you on all other questions good dude i was very happy to hear that

what you're still on the 24-bit stream you sounded great oh good i'm glad that's right

yeah it worked please hold what the fuck with this it didn't doesn't want to recognize my shit

couldn't resolve your host name using your ip address

hey fix that phone cable over there hello yeah fix that phone cable over there it's making a

a lot of noise snow and all that fix that before i talk to you yeah because it's hard it's hard

to hear your ass all right don't you hate that shit milkman yes this is like the 90s were you

still using i think maybe my is is i haven't logged in soon enough is that two week thing

still going because it's saying trying to use my ip instead oh yeah this is a better phone huh honey

yeah this is what are you doing there tonight i'm doing good how can i help you i need to talk to

someone uh regarding the uh shoes i need the shoes that go go shoes okay let me grab someone

in the shoe department what oh you're gonna grab them and touch them no i'm gonna have them pick

up so give me one minute you can touch their private parts a little bit through their clothes

excuse me what happened milkman did i pull the cable again no i'm sitting there laughing into

a muted microphone because your call was funny what yeah it was good

money power respect what you need to love if she's going out to grab someone i bet you she's

not going to do it because of what i said right yeah that's a little bit she might have got it

you can touch their private parts and everything welcome to cold in green valley we are now open

For shoes, press 3.

Choose.

Please hold for shoes.

Choose.

I choose, choose.

Do the Eddie Garcia pissed off one.

I don't know what's wrong with your shoes, but they don't fit my feet.

Sir, your feet are swollen, and you left the paper inside the shoe.

Oh, okay.

My foot is square.

Yeah, I choose, choose.

Yes, what can I help you with?

I need to get the shoes that go.

Okay, what kind are you looking for?

The ones that go?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

You know, they go for men.

I don't think she liked the men part.

I don't think she liked the men or the burping part.

I'm not sure which one.

The Jews.

I choose the Jews.

Jews.

I choose you, Jews.

Welcome to Kohl's in Green Valley.

We are now open.

Set three.

For shoes, three.

Good evening, thank you for calling Kohl's, we can expect great things, may I help you?

Hey, what's going on with your teeth?

Fuck this guy.

God damn.

They ain't even staying on, dude, they must recognize your voice.

All right, I'll leave them alone.

long we'll give them 15 minutes dude that'll be at eight o'clock then 11 year time yeah you could

be a particular indian uh all right well here's the subway oh yeah hey real quick want to mention

also that me and brad will be doing a show on christmas eve which will be wednesday night

we try to every christmas eve we try to do a show together we go on at night we go on really late

we call norah and tell them they're gonna go to war now it's fun so we're doing that this year

this wednesday night christmas eve join us why don't you call it for santa yeah we called a few

businesses that are always open 24 hours on the holiday who should be what you got your your gas

station 7-eleven stuff like that most are open um a lot of the fast foods is open still sometimes

times uh denny's is always open like walgreens and pharmacies there's usually the 24-hour ones

never closed there's always people to call oh yeah i know last year um michelle obama was

took some calls at the norad santa track as a matter of fact so maybe we uh that'd be funny

we got a hold of her she visited obama was on norad like she visited one of the centers that

they were doing the call taking the calls at and for publicity and then photoshoot yeah and she

sat down and took some of the calls of the people kids it's usually kids yeah oh you know how would

there be a marathon you know how like jerry lewis have a marathon and the celebrities like

you know sylvester stallone in the 80s would be up back there taking calls too stuff like that yeah

yeah yeah so she went very good yeah i mean it's good to be nice to the president

they all show up jimmy carter takes some calls i bet he's there he's like yeah bill clinton

hi hello how may i help you hi i'm bill clinton i'm tracking santa on the radar

i'm tracking santa on the radar oh he's he hasn't departed yet i'd like to make an order please

they get for you yeah stop with the laughing first okay okay all right i need one beef

beef yeah no one beef one meat one meat one meat okay what kind of meat would

you like hot cooked hot meat hot meat okay yeah with him meat water it's a

meat water okay right and what else can I get for you

uh one vegetable side that's the side yeah okay cooked cooked okay yeah yeah

one salad I need a salad assembled okay green a green salad assembled spray

Sprayed.

What would you like it to be?

Sprinkled.

Sprayed and sprinkled, okay.

Salted.

Gotcha.

Yeah.

Combined.

All right.

Consolidated.

Yeah, okay.

Divided.

Consolidated and then divided.

And then conquered.

Okay, yeah, I think we could do that.

And then amalgated.

Amalgated after that.

Amalgated, I'm not quite sure.

Yeah, to a new world fucking order where they tell you what to do with your guns

and what kind of medicine you can have.

and they control the way that all the stuff gets given out to the people, man.

Yeah.

All right.

So we're going to do all that to your salad, all right?

Yeah.

How much?

How soon, rather?

How soon?

That's going to amalgamate your salad.

That's going to take at least a good two hours.

Amalgamation.

It's an amalgamation.

Yeah, amalgamation takes a little time, you know, to combine and then, you know,

then divide and then conquer and then amalgamate.

It's a solid two hours.

Yeah, well, I mean, that's, I mean, I like it, you know, that way it's not tough, you know, it's not tough, it's worn down a little bit, it's been tricked into thinking that it's, you know, a greater than the sum of its parts, but by the time it's amalgamated, it's not anymore, it's just a salad, you know.

And then I feel better about taking it into my body, my temple.

Yes.

Yeah, okay.

All right, all right, so two hours then?

Yeah.

Or are you open that, are you open that late, honey?

uh we'll sit it outside okay you can i just leave the money out okay and i can just sit on the floor

there on the cement and eat it right polite role of behave behave yeah if you choose to or you know

you could bring you bring it home and unanalgamate it okay all right well thanks buddy i'll see you

in a little bit all right well not a little bit but you know there you go that guy was cool he's

playing ball man he thought he was cute he was gonna get mad so i figured it'd just be stupid

So ridiculous

Yeah that was cool

He's like

Divided thing

Yeah

Consolidated

Then divided

I think he gave him

A better day

After that call

He's happy

Yeah

I like how

He had to cut his laugh

And that was pretty good

There

That's enough

That was funny

Okay

That was Buddha

Belly Deli

Now let's call the subway

I don't know why

I called the wrong one

Now I'll call the subway

Like a good little monkey

anyway it is the last weekend before christmas i haven't done any of my shopping yet well i've

done some of it but not really some of it i've done but hey i gotta go out and take care of that

tomorrow i wasn't going out this weekend fuck that my wife my wife was stuck with her father

in a car for an hour just trying to get out of a parking space yesterday give me just a second

i'll be right back this is i love this part of the song right late night wonder what they getting

so we have no subway there's a bank here that's going to be closed

creation that'll be closed as an animal hospital see if they're open i doubt it

google reports they closed at 1 p.m today so the answer would be no thank you google place in a

a residential area that says it's a

perfume for wholesale prices.

I bet you it's probably a private

person who runs a private business. Let's see their

home phone number.

Okay.

Call has been forwarded to an automated

Trying it again.

Call has been forwarded to an

Okay. Never mind.

Alright, here's another commercial

area it looks like. Right?

King Putt. That'd be a putt-putt golf

motherfucker. Ooh, there's a Gold's Gem.

Jim, let's fuck with them.

Let's masturbate in the shower, Milkman.

Yeah, I love doing that.

Don't be in it.

This is Amanda speaking.

How may I direct your call?

Hey, sexy, is there a man I could talk to?

Because I don't like talking to women on the phone about stuff

because you guys don't get it, you know?

Is there a bro?

Excuse me?

Is there a bro I can talk to?

No, there isn't, actually.

You were just about to look, motherfucker, you.

We seem to have lost her.

Excuse me?

I'm ruining the calls at the beginning all night tonight.

I'm just being so stupid, being mean.

Play with them, and they love it.

They're definitely short calls.

Buy our juice bar for a delicious and nutritious drink.

Check out our pro your nutrition needs and for the latest Gold's Gym apparel and ladies if you'd like to work out in a more

Secluded area of our call women only area on the air. That's I should be one gold member

Tells us what know your own strength means to her. I think

I'm gonna bounce. I think she's doing it

Him I can pick up on the only area

She's picking up and putting me right on hold fucking bitch. Yep

All right, I'll change my collar head.

Yeah, wait about a minute, two minutes, and then change your collar head.

She's doing this in the collar head change.

We have a new and exciting Gold's Gym Lafayette.

Southeast, located at 35 South Stephanie.

On the corner of Stephanie and I-215.

In the Gold's Gym Target.

Yeah, she's figuring the time

and it's too close.

Alright, well,

try to remind me.

There's a Chevron station. Let's see if they're open.

Okay, it's two minutes till

we're supposed to call back

them people from 15 minutes ago.

Our first bunch.

I think touch it under the clothes.

15 minutes

after who?

Yeah, it's been 15 minutes.

Since when? Who? I think he was touched under the clothes

the first one we got there and they said let's give him

15 minutes touch him under the clothes the guy selling that shit i think that's what it was it

was 15 minutes ago oh you mean the the grabbing someone at cole i can remember the time

all right i'll call cole's back let me do one more okay let's try to do a breaker call

breaker breaker one nine

up you hey how you doing honey I'm calling from the corporate office my

name is mr. cross I need to see if we can do a recycle of your power breakers

please what a recycle of the power breaker machine hello hello ma'am hello

yes hi you hear me yeah I'm calling from the corporate office Chevron corporate

office okay and we need to do a recycle a reboot of in the back of the machine

real quick to make sure that it kicks in I'm not allowed to do that you know

the ones that are allowed to do that are district managers i'm calling from the corporate office

ma'am and you need to go back to the right now i don't think so listen god damn you

bitch okay god damn you bitch very classy very mature very funny yeah so oh let's call

and curse at the woman oh what's the ass talking a that took him off

Okay, okay, don't pick up again.

Fine, be that way.

So we're going to call that.

Did we figure out what that was?

Cole.

How many months ago did we touch that?

That was Cole's.

I'll call it back.

I'm looking for it right now.

Here we go.

The Green Valley.

I thought we had a bit of a change to call our ID for a minute.

And I'll call Choose.

Should I talk to the front desk where the girl is that I said that shit to,

or should I call right to Choose?

Let's talk to the lady in the front.

I know she went

there's like some guy

coffee shits and he was

like saying touch the

welcome to Kohl's in

Green Valley we are now

open and for your

convenience we are open

all night tonight to

speak to the department

associates press three

we're directing to the

store press four Kohl's

credit center press five

for all other questions

press six to play this

message press seven

we'll just wait we'll

just wait

You think you're stuck with the gift

Merry Christmas

This is a Dr. Dre Christmas song

Hey, hey, how you doing, honey?

Good

Can you get me through to the shoes, you know

Because I have a problem with the feet

You know the foot covering

The covering foot, foot coverings

You know what I mean

She's grabbing

smaller footprint you hear my foamy gay burp katie k burp oh that was pretty good that's pretty juicy

with katie k i'm drunk and i'm gonna burp that's my show let's play the same song again did you

guys have something man for people to listen because it ain't coming out of his calls that's

for darn sure he's not a prank call show anymore he's just him hello motherfucker i'll call straight

straight through I'll call straight through to that apartment don't burp this time we can actually

get transferred burping welcome to cold you'll tell me not to burp a little burp ass burp please

hold or mouth fart we could expect great things my name is Andrew how may I help you oh I'm hoping

I can't expect great things yes how can I um trans or transpose uh convert men's sizes into women's

exercises offhand i don't know let me get someone for you okay what do you do there i answer the

phone oh but you don't like help people you said you expect good things what happened well usually

you know people that call aren't prank calling so i'm not prank calling i'm not prank calling

okay well if you want to wait just a moment i'll get someone how long how long motherfucker

just a minute what the hell this guy didn't want to do his job he's calling a legitimate call a

prank call what the fuck you need to talk to a manager no women this is a natural call

yeah this is a natural call hello he said security i think hello

fuck a security motherfucker yeah fuck security man i go see either that or

told everybody that they're now because they're all

okay look man you'll be around for christmas eve show i hope you'll be on with us

With me and Brian

here's a place called the cracked egg i'm thinking this is going to be a diner it says

they're open until 3 a.m that sounds yeah i just like bad bad bad funny guy too i catch some of

these mixer shows whenever i actually have bandwidth and it's pretty good man i like

stuff i hear everybody's doing a good job on pcnd i'm really good but hey if you're having

the slow connection i'm telling you use that tune in uh tinyurl.com that's what a dude

life dude i you know i you know i was begging for a way out dude and you've come up with one

man i really appreciate you thinking of that man yeah so uh getting shit done brother sometimes

Sometimes it rolls over to silence, but when it happens, I usually fix it.

But for the most part, any live show is going to show up.

You're going to hear the live shows at least, so that's good.

But then I can hear some of the new talent.

That's what I'm interested in too in sitting here, some of the newer talent, and I like some of those shows.

Well, Mixler and the Shellcast, they both play all the previous shows from all of us, including the newer guys.

guys you know so hey high volume great way to catch up all right look listen the egg the egg

machine it's really thought of the listeners and i've included a stream for you on three

bg that's really nice we got to get you on something else because right now you're like

Uh, hello?

Um, yeah, um, um,

I'll be between silence and

satellite phone.

Oh, I thought I heard an answer.

Come on, Crack Dag.

I know you're open.

In the days, niggas, they used to

strike, but now we're 92.

Niggas, they bust a strike, come on.

Police, niggas.

They start to move, execute.

Boots stomping.

we're sorry

okay

rbx man the mormon church won't be open

the jewish temple no let me try to head more downtown in this city see where there's some

more action going on i just typed the message there can you read it don't have to read it out

I'll just eat yourself.

Yeah, that's fine. We can do that. No problem.

Give me some of that old cake.

You know what I'm saying?

Okay, here we go. U-Haul is going to be closed.

There's a car rental.

There's a hotel named the Worldmark.

Looks nice and cheap.

They're going for $174 a night.

Okay, we'll try.

$174 a night?

Only $1 up for a night.

What can you get?

Worldmark, I love you.

My name's Dan. Nice to meet you.

you yes hi um i'm not going to use the bathroom i'm not going to use the bathroom i'm not going

to use the toilet for um shitting and pissing and showering and washing hands brushing teeth

uh wiping wiping things blowing my nose uh i'm not gonna put any lotion on or in there i'm gonna

just use a um like where the bed is i'll put them on deodorant on there and um i just i don't have

have time to brush my teeth either when i get out um well so what i'll probably do is what i'm

probably going i'm probably going to do is brush my teeth at the airport are you guess that's

currently staying here at the property yeah but i'm not going to use the bathroom okay well if

there's anything that i could assist you with uh feel free to let me know yeah well can you take

that off the bill then i'm sorry can you take that off the bill oh unfortunately i could not

that actually happens uh when you made the reservation yeah but i like to know a different

I got a reimbursed machine.

I'm sorry?

Reimbursed the motherfucker, you know?

Oh, let me see what I can do.

Hold on a moment.

Do it, baby.

Yeah.

I'm not getting an answer.

Well, he did say he was going to go, but...

Yeah, he said he could see what he could do for you.

You see what he did.

I want satisfaction now.

I am no loss.

Thank you for calling Guest Services.

It's Christine.

How may I assist you?

Oh, it's Christine.

Hey, everybody.

Big fat Christine with her fat hair.

How are you?

Well, I was waiting for an answer,

and I don't have time to be waiting on that shit, you know?

Okay.

What is the question?

Well, I was just saying I'm not going to use the bathroom, you know?

You're not going to use what?

The bathroom.

I'm not going to use this bathroom.

What bathroom?

In the room.

I'm not going to use the bathroom in the room.

What is your room number?

I don't know.

It's not on the card.

You don't know your room number?

It's not on the card you gave me.

It's not the what?

The card.

I'm holding the key card thing, and it doesn't have it.

What is your name?

I can give you the numbers on the card.

What numbers on the card?

So there's no numbers on the card.

Just give me your name.

1-7-1-1-2-4-1-2-7-3-1.

That's not going to work out.

I need a name.

I can look it up.

I can look you up with the number that I see on my phone.

Yeah, but I'm just, I want you to understand first.

I know you're a woman.

Maybe you don't know how to do business on the phone that well, but I'm just trying to explain first.

And then you come at, you listen to my issue and then you make in your head, you think of a solution.

and then you the first thing is you show empathy for and repeat the issue to me so that you

understand you make me secure and understand that you understand what i'm saying and then all right

so but you didn't start it like that i just need to know what room number so i can better help you

i have to give you my issue and then you come back and say mr so and so i empathize

with your situation i understand that this blah blah blah and can you please give me this

information that's how it works that's not how you started it though and this is not a conversation

that we will continue until you give me who you are i'm cross what is that cross cross your last

name is cross i just go by cross that's my name okay and are you in the room right now yeah i'm

I'm not going to use this stupid bathroom.

Can I explain why?

What is wrong with it?

Yes, that's what I've been asking you.

Jesus, God.

All right.

So I'm not going to use the bathroom.

I'm not going to use the toilet.

I'm not going to use the shower.

I'm not going to use the sink in there.

I'm not going to brush my teeth in the bathroom.

I'm not going to urinate or defecate in there.

I'm not going to ejaculate in there.

I'm not going to take my clothes off in there.

I'm not going to wash my hands.

I'm not going to drink water in there with my medicine.

I'm going to drink it out here in the room.

I'm not going to put my deodorant in there.

What can you tell me why you won't be doing all of that?

I mean, the bathroom, you know?

Yeah.

It's dirty to you?

I don't like it.

You don't like it?

Is it because it's dirty or there's something that's not working in it?

Something's wrong.

It's not right.

What is wrong?

It's just I don't like it.

I went in and I didn't like it.

I don't like it.

you you just don't like it it didn't feel good i got bad feelings in there um the things don't go

right okay i tried to make it go and it didn't go it didn't go okay well you're i did your um

the name that you gave me did not pull up to a room number i would like to help you but i can't

help you further if i can't find out who you are shit right what a piece of shit that fucking

computer doesn't find me and I'm fucking shit I'm sorry I'm sorry that's why I

asked to talk to a man did you notice she had a pretty well

disguised she had a Latin accent all right I got him I got him to calm down

like a kid like I was about like a four-year-old kid like you why what

What happened?

You don't like it?

It's dirty?

What's wrong?

He's just talking to me like I'm...

You just don't like it?

Is it dirty?

What's wrong?

You don't want to go pee-pee-poo-poo?

You're priceless, man.

I love you.

Weird, man.

Fucking weird shit tonight.

Like, you didn't even go the other direction.

You just looked like...

It gives me a bad feeling.

It's just got a bad feeling.

I just don't like it.

It's not going down.

It didn't go.

I said the things everywhere.

didn't go things weren't going milkman get it right come on look hey u-haul they're closed

my bad budget suites right down the street from here let's see if their rates are posted

like google goes all out now like if you do google maps you do google map search now like

it'll come up with fucking if you hit a hotel it tells you the rates it tells you everything

if the places are open like even that kohl's it's not normally 24 hours it told me it was

they were open 24 hours tonight for christmas like i knew it and set it right there

excuse me jesus i'm gassy i had some garlicky

meatballs anyway this place gets a 3.2 rating great i think it's out of five though so not too

bad so that would be a 60 64 it is still the f still got an f rating guys they're just barrel

I think, is it 64 where you start out on an F versus 65?

They're not even, they're an F.

I mean, for a D.

It used to be like, for the dummies, they'd give them a 63.

But, you know, I think they've changed that nowadays.

Collect third-party calls.

If you know your party's room number, starting with a 5 or 6.

It lets you dial by room.

Anyway, no, no, no.

I think everything switched to how colleges did it.

It's 100 to 90 is an A, right?

Down to 80 is a B.

70 is C.

Yeah.

60 so you're still good on the college so i remember in school like in up to high school

it was always you had to have a 92 or higher for an a right like a 64 was the the lowest for a d

you couldn't just do six that's what i was saying like if you're really stupid you got a 63 but

you're right i think there was a difference in the two schoolings i don't know if it's still

like it i think it's all the same that i'm not sure but the standards were a little higher in

grade school as supposed to no it's definitely like it like it's not like that anymore dude

because people don't even fucking do math anymore i mean you ever watch these young girls or young

guys at the register they cannot figure out how many cents without looking yeah yeah they can't

count head you know like 27 you know how many cents does that leave you and it's like you gotta

you gotta be kidding yeah it's just you're just subtracting by 100 basically every time dude come

Come on.

That's what I'm trying to say, dude.

27 cents.

That's three quarters less two cents.

Yeah, exactly.

It's sad, right?

But now they're teaching this new math.

Three quarters, that's two cents.

Let me tell you something.

They're teaching this new math now.

I forgot.

Is it method or something?

You just trade the one and divide by ten.

If you see a zero, you add three.

Okay.

Yeah.

That's how it works.

But they're teaching the new math now, and I don't fucking get it.

I'm going to be screwed when I have a kid because I've always been like,

Like, I'm going to straight up teach my kid great math skills because I was really good at it.

And now I look at what my eight-year-old and four-year-old nephews or eight-year-old and six-year-old nephews are doing.

I'm like, what the fuck is this?

Like, it's holy shit.

And my eight-year-old nephew is learning algebra already.

Like, I was with him last night.

I was hanging out with my nephew, my eight-year-old, and he's in the third grade and learning algebra.

I'm like, for real?

So I started quizzing him.

I started teaching him algebra.

I told you, you know, I was teaching like, you know, if, you know, if blah, blah, blah, you know.

know i basically was i basically taught him like you know two plus x equals three like i got him

to understand it you know he was like wow that's how it works like yeah i was like oh yeah you

could teach him the famous one like the difference of squares yeah x squared minus y squared well

he's not squares yet no but he's i was surprised i don't know maybe this is the florida thing but

in florida i didn't learn algebra until the seventh grade was the first time i saw algebra

fuck dude we didn't get that yeah we started seeing around eighth actually my first class

was ninth grade yeah when we had i know third grade was heavy on multiplication fourth grade

was heavily heavy on division fifth grade was like kind of all two of those together

sixth grade was like a continuation of that and seventh grade was the first time it was pre-algebra

i think ours was eighth grade was pre-algebra i was just gonna say that pre-algebra is what we

had for eighth grade i know senior year was if you were good enough you were you got to

calculus in here which i did we didn't have that we had pre-calc it was like statistics bullshit

our pre-calc class was called math analysis they didn't even call it pre-calculus it was

it was basically pre-calculus but they called it i don't know why they called it and i think it was

to not scare the students and the parents they said if we call it math analysis they won't be

like oh my god it's calculus i'll never get to learn it like they actually kind of put you in

they're under you're like oh what's math analysis and it's like it's you know the whole class is

basically learning the whole how to find the slope of a curve i that was 90 of that class

was where and it was because the slope intercept form yeah yeah y equals mx plus b that's yeah

that's the first right that uh no no no that's for a straight line y equals mx plus b isn't that

the slope intercept form i think that's a slope for anything i think right i think no no that's

I may be wrong, but I just seem to remember that.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Y plus X, no, no, no, no, no.

Y equals MX plus B.

Yeah, but that's the slope of a straight line, not of a curve.

No.

No, no, yeah, slope intercept form, I think is what they call that.

Yeah, but what you do is to get the slope of a curve,

I think you do several of the straight lines that are tangent to the curve.

So you hit it at one point.

You do like three or four of them, and then you get an average of that.

got parabolic okay parabolics the hyperbole never comes back parabolic actually comes back

hyperbole keeps on going right yeah and like michael jackson he had the chamber

like that he made it out of that out of um squares yo now you know that's exactly how

Oh, he got that monkey bubble.

Yeah, he was doing the slope of the curve.

Slope of the bubble.

The monkey was like, yeah, dude.

We need a monkey's background side effect.

Baz, if you're listening, get us a monkey background.

Okay, not that, not that.

Thank you for choosing the Budget Budget Suites, your apartment alternative.

They're located at 440 Boulevard.

We do not accept collect call third-party calls if you know your party's room number starting with the five

What kind of place places this is information or would like to make a reservation, please stay on the line

They must get a lot of jail calls

I guess hang on because it I wasn't paying attention

It's I think it told you how to do the dialing for the numbers the room numbers like it said

Five and six.

Thank you for listening to Budget Budgets Tweets, your apartment alternative.

We are located at 8440 Las Vegas Boulevard.

Do not accept, collect calls, or third-party calls.

If you know your party's room number, starting with the five, you may dial it at this time.

Five or six, you're right.

If you need information or would like to know your other digits, leave a message.

Let's try that.

There must be three digits, let's hope.

Five, four, three is not a valid extension number.

Five, four, three.

hang on listen please hold all right 532 worked thank you hello yes hi this is hello this is the

front desk hello yes this is room 532 no it's not what this is from 32 then huh this is room 32 then

which room were you trying to reach 32 this is a um 30 um 8332 yeah that's the one yeah ending in

32 yep yeah uh we have several complaints here of the like your television is loud your guys are

talking really loud how many people are in there anyway this that can't be right it's not my room

because you can come up here right now it's just me don't give me any attitude i i hear people in

the back there who are you hiding did you put down single and you have guests there are you

masturbating with men there you know what you can actually call the police there's no one up here

but me sir shove it up your ass okay and this is the front desk yes you can shove it up your ass

For bringing people here

That you didn't notify us

And are paying for

Not paying for

Motherfucker

Get out of the hotel

You get out of my

Fucking hotel right now

Motherfucker

Alright I'm calling the police

Get the fuck out

Calling police

Dude you better

Dial those numbers fast

Cause she's calling

The fucking front door

Dial 600 quick

Thank you for choosing

Budget

Business

Over in the heart of LA

No no

I'm sorry

2

It's not a valid extension

I'll transfer you to an operator now.

Oh, shit, man.

Now we working with some moving proof shit on this track.

No, no, sorry, sir.

I'm afraid.

So now we gonna move on and run up for the world.

Hit once or twice and you'll be twice as nice.

Get it?

This is the front.

Put it in your earphones.

Man, I'm trying to get a seatbelt.

WFNK, what is that, a copy of the WeFunk?

What's what?

What?

What do you find?

Are located at 8440 Las Vegas.

You know your party's room number.

Starting to be dialed.

Keep saying it's sorry, but...

2-2 is not a valid extension number.

Thank you for choosing.

Your call is very important.

That's all fucked up now.

For six, because she said she was A332.

What did you dial to get A332?

5332?

I dialed 532, and that's what got me through to her.

Okay.

So she said she was A-3-3-2.

Yeah, but how am I going to type A, Milkman?

Come on.

It said five.

I'm saying maybe the five is the A.

Did she say A-3-3-2 maybe?

I don't know.

It sounded to me like she said A, but it could be eight.

Yeah, where would they get the five from?

Weird.

I was just wondering if it's like a split floor, two-floor deal.

You got upstairs and a downstairs, so A or B is a prefix.

It could be a building five and a building whatever.

the other one is right could be that way too let's listen i'm gonna do three three two five

three three two i got two in i'm sorry three three two is not a valid extension number

i think maybe they switched the system off dude thank you for calling budget

speaking how can i help you today hey honey baby how are you hi how can i help you i was

trying to get through the room but i think my computer phone machine isn't working right

the goddamn piece of shit can you put me through to room a332 um do you want to be transferred to

a332 uh-huh hello yes i said and don't don't yell like that okay well you need to speak up okay

bitch ghetto ass place hello yeah what happened are you gonna come over here to the front desk

and prove this to me or what whatever all that for that it was worth it to get hang on let's

Let's call that rude bitch.

I'm going to tell her how rude she is.

Hello?

So, try to dial and see if you can get that room number.

It's A332.

That's what she's trying to do.

Dial through the system.

Right.

Try the same number.

If it doesn't work, turn it off.

We'll be with you shortly.

Thank you.

Thank you for calling such a sweet sister.

So, Elizabeth speaking, how can I help you today?

Yeah, Elizabeth, you don't talk to me like that.

You're so rude and nasty.

Oh, man.

She ain't going to hear.

She don't give a fuck.

She's like, so?

I don't give a shit, nigga.

i don't give a shit i think they figured it out they could toggle it on and off the auto dial

no it's just some fucked up shit with the phone it's a piece of shit okay see for me or her

hey here's the cancun resort and it costs 127 a night yeah been on for an hour and 40 minutes

In about five, we'll be taking a break.

Five minutes.

Calling Cancun Resort.

If you know the villa you would like to reach, please press 7 and the villa number, followed by the pound sign.

To speak to the operator, please press 0.

If you know your party's extension, you may enter it now, followed by the pound sign.

I'm not paying attention.

For additional options, please choose from the following selections.

If you are a Monarch Grand Vacations owner and would like to make a reservation, please press 1.

If you would like to hear a list of available employment opportunities within Cancun Resort, please press 2.

Good evening. Thank you for calling Diamond Resort International at the Cancun Resort.

This is Sam. How can I help you?

I'm not going to use this bathroom.

Pardon me?

I'm not going to use this damn bathroom.

Which room is it?

My room. I don't know the room number.

I have the card.

Card? You gave me the card?

It's 17-11-24-12731.

one um sir if you have a problem with the bathroom we can call the maintenance to fix it

off for you but i i will know your room okay what what is your room number sir i think it's 312

okay um oh yeah we don't have a room struggle like that again um which building is it the

main building the main one the big one okay and you're on the third floor yeah and what is your

name sir uh i don't i'm not on the guest like i'm staying with i'm my this woman that works with me

has the place and i'm just we're on vacation and i'm her okay uh what is the

guest name staying there i don't know if i want to say i don't know if i want to say

i don't know um you know because it's private because you know we're having an affair and

you know okay all right um okay just let me know if you find out the room number

uh is it like third uh room three okay third floor and like it's the first door it's like

the first one on the left right when you come off the elevator there's two elevators yeah the

main elevator yes there's two main elevators yeah the one on the left um what room is that

and yeah i didn't to tell you why i don't want to use the fucking bathroom piece of shit

motherfucker you know okay um it's a bunch of bullshit in here motherfucker and his fucking

toilet in this bathroom it's stupid piece of shit you know damn it hello yes well i cannot help you

if you cannot provide me any room number and hello yeah i'm in the i'm in the bathroom now

okay just um beg if you figure out the room number no motherfucker damn you no god damn it

no can you come to the third floor and meet with me then shit damn it you to the manager one moment

Is the manager? Good.

Please stay online.

I'm manager, everybody. This is a stupid prank.

When they ask for the number, tell them the number's on the outside of the door.

You can tell me what it is.

Thank you for calling Diamond Resorts International.

At the close of another year, we gratefully pause to wish you a happy new year.

Still just talking over.

At the close of another year.

You should be the fire station.

You just texted a phone to me.

That sounds good.

Too much echo. I gotta fix it.

You gotta lower the intensity.

that's closer that's better yeah all right here we are now this is the system

that's a pretty big bathroom hello oh the bathroom hello hello yes yeah i'm

I'm in the bathroom.

Okay.

What do I do?

You have to meet the room number.

Where's the fucking manager?

Thank you for holding.

This is Aaron speaking.

How are you?

What the fuck is your problem, Aaron?

I'm actually here to help you, sir.

If you continue to use vulgar language towards you, I will discontinue this call, sir.

Can I say stupid?

You can say stupid.

Well, that's stupid.

I still will not tolerate you.

I'm here to help you, but I will not tolerate you talking to my...

Shut up.

Shut up, please.

Please shut up, okay?

he is very pleased

when I say shut up

why can't I say please

can I say stupid

he likes stupid so call him stupid

you can say stupid yeah

if you know the villa

you'd like to reach

press 7 and the villa number

followed by the

oh damn

milkman if you want to do a prank

you just have to talk

just say you want to do it and talk listen we need to talk to that manager

motherfucker again what's going on sir again we cannot tolerate the language

are you glad to help you okay if you discontinue the language first okay I

promise I will I will not say you said I can help you sir you said I can say

stupid though that's okay yes how may I help you sir yeah this stupid GD

The ED bathroom is a piece of poop.

I'm not going to use it.

I'm not going to use the toilet.

I'm not going to take a shower.

I'm not going to even brush my teeth in here.

It's disgusting, motherfucker.

I'm sorry.

Disgusting, stupid bathroom.

Okay.

And how may I help you with that, sir?

Well, you need to get somebody over here to fix it.

Colored people over here to fix it right away.

I'm sorry?

What type of people?

You know the colored people that I saw downstairs that do the cleaning and all that and the maintenance?

Those colored people?

i do know the housekeepers we have them of several kinds i'm not sure what you're speaking of yeah

they're they're like not light skin like me and you they're kind of like darker skin you know

yeah i'm darker skin i'm not light skin sir oh you have a skin problem i'm sorry you have a good day

I knew he was black

I could tell because everybody got upset when I said

colored people

oh my god

oh that was very worth it

I love that skin

problem

already land came up with that

oh you have a skin problem

and then uh arty that's already laying that came up with that once and i took that from and then

evil arty our friend evil arty he does this one thing where like if black people spell the name

back he'll say oh you can read too he does it all the time

or he says oh you could spell too that's what he says oh you could spell too

all right i think it's uh it's break time i'm gonna take a break what's that speak up

already he's he's busy he's he's working on uh going to school and stuff so he's taking it easy

right now but he was around for thanksgiving he hit me up i was doing the thanksgiving show you

know and he hit me up he hit me up like right when i ended my my three hours he's like oh dude

i want to be on like dude i just ended like you know normally i'd keep going but you know am in

a hospital be you know we've got a whole lineup of people you know dude there was dude the room

was full man we was lucky we even got you in there dude i was like so happy got in there i mean it

was a full room yeah it was it was a crazy show man it was like it was fun but it was it was

was crazy that was the thanksgiving the pranksgiving which you can download over at

prankcallnation.com all eight episodes i think yeah prankcallnation.com there's a link there for

i'll give you the link i'll hook you up with the link oh what is it for the link for which show

for the all the episodes of the marathon the 24 hours we did on thanksgiving

prankathon the whole prankathon every episode's in there yeah yeah i think there was all eight

eight shows plus one after show there was nine shows yeah excellent well heck man we definitely

gotta take a look at that y'all you gotta take a look at it make a comment uh-huh uh-huh so yeah

milkman i'll get you that link in a moment everyone go to prank call nation.com if you need

that my website is madhouse live.com that's the madhouse live show which you're listening to right

now i'm here with my brother milkman he's been with me for the last nine plus years nine and a

a half milkman we're like six months away from 10 years fuck look at this man i mean i think

like i'm supposed to be old but i feel like i've just known you like my whole life but like

just yesterday is that weird yeah yeah that's what happens when we don't have a lot of friends

like me and you do not have well come on man you got so many friends you know i can't compete dude

Dude, you are Mr. Social.

You're a PCN master.

You're the madhouse generissimo, dude.

You run the whole show, man.

You've always been Mr. Friendly.

That's why your calls are hilarious, man, because you're always pissed off because of people out there.

Anyway, look, Milkman, I've got to go.

I'll be back in about six, seven minutes.

Let's take a break.

Enjoy yourself, Milkman.

Go play with your balls.

Matter of fact, they don't know.

This ain't drunk.

Get a whiff of that.

He's in my cell.

I got a star.

What he smoking?

Push to the goal.

What do you say there, big guy? How you doing?

Hello?

Hey, what do you say there, big guy? How you doing?

Okay, this Chinese restaurant.

Yeah, I just want to make an order for the Chinese. This is walk and roll, right?

Yeah.

Put me down for three spaces of walk and roll.

Yeah.

Noodles. Do you do noodles? Can I substitute noodles instead of the rice?

Yeah, you pick up?

I'm going to come pick it up, yeah.

Okay, pick up. Okay, pick up. What delay, sir?

What's the delay? I'm not sure. There's not going to be much of a delay.

I was trying to set up the microphones and everything. It took me a while.

All right, yeah.

Are you ready for the order?

Yeah.

I need three spaces of the wonton soup.

One wonton soup, yeah.

No, three spaces of it.

Three?

Spaces.

What do you like?

I want three spaces.

Yeah.

Okay, how much is three spaces?

Three what?

Spaces.

How do you like?

What do you like, Jay?

Tell me what do you like.

I like the spaces, three of them, please.

Huh?

I like three spaces.

Is that difficult, sir?

Three spaces, write it down.

Do you know how to write it down?

Yeah.

All right, tell me how you're going to type it.

Wonton soup?

Three.

Three wonton soup?

Three wonton spaces.

I don't understand.

When you have more than one soup, it's a space.

You understand?

No.

Yes, come on.

Wonton soup?

Listen, you need to learn the language.

This is America, all right?

Yeah.

Three spaces.

Huh?

Spaces.

Three wonton soup.

All right, fine.

Whatever, the way, however you say, sir.

Three order wonton soup.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Yeah.

Yeah, uh-huh, yeah.

Anything else?

Yeah, yeah.

They have Pepsi?

Yeah, no Pepsi.

Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, Ginger Ale.

Coca-Cola?

3

3 cooked 3 wonton soup?

And I want you to put it in the wonton soup though

3 cooked 3 wonton soup?

Inside the wonton soup

Inside of the wonton soup

I want you to open the coke and put it inside the wonton soup

And cook it in there so it caramelizes

Okay

I don't know what he's saying

I don't know

The wonton soup

I don't know

Yeah, hi, I want you to open the wonton soup

How many?

I need three spaces.

Three wonton soups?

Three spaces.

Three places?

Spaces.

Huh?

Space.

Reorder.

Spaces, yes.

Reorder.

Say spaces.

What spaces?

That's it.

There you go.

Three.

We don't have it.

Okay.

Three wonton soup spaces.

We only have three wonton soups.

Okay.

Well, three of those then.

I'll have to settle for that.

I want to substitute noodles for the rice inside the soup.

Soup has no rice.

No noodles.

No noodles in that?

Can we put noodles in it?

it like soba noodles? No, we don't. Do you have noodles there? We don't have noodle soup. Do you

have noodles? No, we don't have noodle soup. Not soup, just noodles, man. We don't put it on. Do

you have noodles by itself? Yes, but we don't put it on. Okay, listen, you got butter? We don't have

butter. You don't have butter? You have oil? Oil? Yeah. Yeah, we have oil. Okay, I want you to take

a walk. I want you to put a quarter inch of oil on the bottom. Is it peanut oil or vegetable oil

Put it into where?

For what?

I don't want to make our own dinner.

No, no, no. We don't do it.

We don't do it, sir.

We don't do it.

I am the manager.

I am the owner.

The women are the owner.

Man, put a man on the phone.

Who?

The real owner.

So I'm the owner.

You got your papers?

What paper?

Your papers that you're the owner.

I don't have to show you.

Do I have to?

Oh, yes, you do.

If I say you do, you have to.

I'm an attorney.

I know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Go ahead.

Sue me.

You know what?

I'm writing all this down.

What's your name?

I don't have to tell you.

I'm coming in, and I'm going to make you give me your driver's license and your social security card.

Yeah, yeah, come in.

Come in.

Bling, bling, bling.

Bling.

Bling, bling, everything.

You got bling, bling.

Don't be putting on airs

Talking about your gold jewelry in front of me

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Because you're here

Tell me all the bullshit

You're not paying taxes

And you're buying all this jewelry over there

I heard about it

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

I read about you people

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Uh-huh, yeah, yeah, yeah

Now you don't know English now, right?

Now you're dinky doll

Yeah, yeah, tell me all the shit

Dinky doll

Yeah

That's you, monkey

Do you wash your hands

When you go to the bathroom?

Hello?

Do you wash your hands?

God damn it

About 10 minutes ago, a guy tried to break into my truck.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Yes, he's a long-legged, test-off Puerto Rican.

Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.

Thank you for calling about the post position.

Yo.

Gina.

Hey, Gina.

Gina.

Hello.

Gina, I want to make that happen.

I want to be the post office man.

I would love to deliver the mail.

I have experience.

I was in the Army, so I have experience, and I have federal benefits.

experiences. Okay. Yeah. Do I have to be in the union to get this job? No, sir. Oh, okay. I can

let you know everything you need to know, but first, ma'am, please have the correct spelling

of your first and last name. Hey, I just want to let you know, I hit the zero number, and I got

to skip that whole long, boring thing. So, can you explain it to me? Because I just wanted to

talk to a real person. Okay, ma'am, please have the correct spelling of your first and last name.

Well, you know, before we get into that, ma'am, I mean, I really would like to make sure they're

not being taken for a ride what are you offering me i'm a star i'm offering you the materials to

prepare for the mandatory exam sir for what mandatory exam explain the exam to me i i am

good i use a paper and a pencil and i fill in the dots and i give it in i give it into the woman or

the man in the front no sir you take it on a computer on my computer machine or yours no sir

at a testing facility okay but what's what's the deal here when they go to the testing facility

Facility, do they, how much does it cost to, you know, to use the computer?

Is that worthy it is?

Is that how you do it?

There is no fee for the exam, sir.

All right.

Is it a hard exam?

You will have to prepare for it.

It's not common knowledge if that's what you're asking.

Well, I just, is it one of those easy ones like a Mickey Mouse exam?

That's exactly what I'm good at.

I'm good at Mickey Mouse exams and classes and training.

No, sir.

It's not a Mickey Mouse exam.

Do I need the drug test to come in?

Yes, sir.

Do you know how long, like, does that include, like, all the substances?

Like alcohol? Does it include alcohol?

I don't, I'm not sure, sir.

How long does it take if, let's say that I was at a Rolling Stones concert last week

and there might have been something passed around and I might have taken a few hits.

How long would it take for that to get out of my system so I could pass the exam?

Sir, you're not serious about this, are you?

Well, yeah, I am. I just want to make sure maybe I should hold off a week

or drink a lot of water or vinegar or something like that.

I have no idea, sir.

Does it take like maybe two or three weeks to get out of your system?

I have no idea.

Do you do a hair test or is it a urine test?

I have no idea.

Because I heard there's this test where you get on a treadmill.

I have no idea.

You run on a treadmill and they take the sweat off the crack of your ass and they test that.

I have no idea.

Because the toxins come out the latest out of the crack of your ass.

So you don't do the crack of your ass what test?

Hello, ma'am?

Okay, we lost her.

She has no idea, Milkman.

man what are the dr dre rules of your crib that's right because you know what are they rules when a

dr dre song comes on the radio or plays at a club what is the procedure that goes into effect because

sometimes i'm with my white friends and the dr dre song will come on and there's a lot of niggas in

dr dre song and they want to enjoy it but they can't really enjoy it around me so they start

Start taking out the niggas or mumbling the niggas.

It's just a sad sight to see.

It's just sad to see some white person trying to do a niggaless rendition of a Dr. Dre song.

It's just fucking depressing.

And they're trying to rap along without saying nigga.

And they're like creeping down the back street on knees.

I got some a glock cock cause I don't know what the fuck that's saying.

Tick, tick, tack like that and I never hesitate to put a...

but i know when i'm they lean into that he's not here they're like down the backstreet old knees

i got to my glock cock to tap like that and i never hesitate to put up say hey man that's not

even in the song i got a little carried away sorry they should put it in they really should

one eight eight eight two seven eight eight five zero nine lord i hope that when you die

They put your GPS in your box and a trap door at the bottom.

So when you die, you open that trap door at the bottom,

you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

All right, and we're back.

Thanks for hanging in there with me.

We'll do some more prank calls.

Why not?

Yeah, I was calling about my computer that's having, um, trouble.

Can you speak up, motherfucker?

Sorry?

I can't hear you.

Tell me a problem.

oh the computer comes up the light doesn't go on it the lights don't go

what what i'm going to connect to your computer and i'm going to fix the problem okay

how how you fix hello

oh you sound like a shit why does your phone sound like a shit it sounds so bad

hello i'm fucking a cow i'm eating a cow and fucking it

whatever

step back

they put razors

in their cho-cha

I'm eating popcorn

and I lean to the phone

I'm eating popcorn

yeah

I'm calling back

the budget hotel

the budget

okay good

your apartment

alternative

located

please hold

we do not accept

collect calls

third party

calling budget

suite

this is Elizabeth

speaking

how can I help you

today

oh hi

I called earlier

I was being

transferred to a

different room

do you think

you can help me

Is this, um, is this Travieso Baez?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, what apartment do you want to be transferred to?

What's Travieso Baez?

Um, I don't know.

You have an AT&T cell phone number that you're calling from, right?

Yeah.

Okay, so it's Mr. and Mrs. Baez?

Uh-huh.

Okay, what apartment do you want to be transferred to?

Mm-hmm.

A332.

Okay, one sec.

Okay.

Hello?

Yes, ma'am, I'm calling back from the front desk.

We had spoken earlier.

You got upset.

I'm sorry about that.

Um, I'm sorry.

Um, I, um, actually called and spoke to someone from the front desk and, um, Metro PD came

out and took my statement.

Well, they told me to call in and apologize.

So I'm very sorry for bothering you.

Um, thanks.

Apology accepted.

Thank you so much for apologizing.

I'm sorry.

And I won't do it again.

Okay.

I promise I won't call, you know, to harass you or bother you anymore.

Okay.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

I won't call and ask about private parts and sexual organ.

and I won't do that anymore.

All right.

Once again,

they have this ventrase,

so have a good night.

Oh, my God.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

ESO bias?

What the fuck?

Oh, that's funny.

AP security?

Funny, funny.

Okay.

Oh, shit.

Hey, I got a message.

You're supposed to check.

You got a shitload of numbers

from Ken, man.

Kenner said he sent

a shitload of numbers

to remind you.

Yeah, let me get Ken

on here hang on can you drop ken oh you can't you're not on a pc aren't you give me a second

i know who can help sorting that out he said he had numbers i don't know i relayed a message

earlier in the chat okay give me a second i'm trying to get neon in so she can add him

because i don't have his contact currently no neon cam unless you can if you can add him it's

a contact here today this conference give me a second give me a second hang on let me do something

We'll Skype.

Let me see.

Let's listen to this shit.

That's bad.

That's a test.

There you are.

That?

I, uh, I sent you a request.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

I didn't get it.

Weird.

Okay.

There you are.

Can you send me them, uh...

Hang on.

Let me add you directly.

Remote person, blog, same contact.

Huh.

Sorry.

A little distracted.

Motherfucker.

Okay.

Well.

See all the numbers and the messages there?

Yes, I do.

They just came in now.

Good.

Word.

I'm out of popcorn.

I'm eating seeds now.

You know this is bad.

i'm so hungry with my popcorn hey hey carlito yeah now that's a monkey milkman way better

than you that's a little tiny monkey right there he keeps it in his pants that's perfect it's a

pocket-sized monkey man that's good you can just carry it with you they call them sugar monkeys

white chocolate call you white something all right look we're gonna go and continue with the show

with dwight numbers right here at this screen

they didn't make it to this computer did they so what kind of numbers did you get just a normal

hotel check-ins stuff like that one of their facebookers and then i went through uh craigslist

to found people with uh free shit and uh different things they were selling like i was

picking out a bunch of weird stuff all right like uh chicken feet for soup stock

oh well it's that's good stock chicken they're like hey we got too many you somebody wants some

We cut off their feets

I think chicken feet would make

Like feet would make a bad stock

You'd need the backbone is what you want

The head, the backbone

What good are the

Bones

And you want some fat in it

Because the bone has some fat in it

That's where like the blood cells and shit get married at

So the bone is excellent for the stock

So I guess yeah

The feet might actually have some

Some of that iron

They walk around in that shit all day

You know

They probably so

Didn't give it some flavor babe

Yeah

Anyway

Anyway, so, hey, I need to stop being distracted by other things going on around me.

We'll call the first one of these who is selling a 19-inch Insignia flat screen TV with a remote.

Oh, the sun chips you was eating, they sounded pretty crunchy.

That was popcorn.

Duh, Milkman, duh.

Ew.

Hey, Neil.

Hey.

Hey, Neil.

Hey.

Hi, Milkman.

What's up, Dwight?

What's up, Dwight? You asshole. Hello? Hey, how are

you, asshole? You see you got a TV that you're selling? Yeah, you have a TV? Yeah. What can

you tell me about it? How does it run? How long have you had it? Does it have any burn

in? No, it doesn't. I already sold it. Oh, fucking asshole. Really? Don't call me and

disrespect me like that. Stupid bitch. Why'd you sell it? I wanted it, motherfucker. Now

what i'm supposed to do don't call me back miss bank sorry but the person oh

hey dwight you want to change your voicemail i'm sorry but the person you all right oops oops oops

oops well does our color does our color have to be the the same or no no no most of all most of

them you just hit pound in it it's like oh you want to hear your voice prompts and hmm that's

That's a hell of a security system that a particular company has.

Yeah, I know, right?

Okay.

Someone has a new number on Facebook.

Glane, Cowboy.

Great.

Hey, you still have the number for that guy from last week?

Crazy Chris?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, I still got his number.

He never changed it, I don't believe.

You called it a few times, right?

Or just once?

Yeah, afterwards.

After the show, and he went fucking crazy.

But the person you called has a voice mailbox that has not been set up yet.

Goodbye.

oh yeah see sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't it's like oh yeah he went crazy he

deleted his facebook and shit too wow nice threatened to change his number i don't think

he did though slacker all right so that was a no-go coming up next is angelica who looking for

a stud bully for my girl okay so bull so you got to be a bully i'm a stud bully

oh yeah but people call it bullies I think now sometimes I'm book I came to

fuck I'm here to fuck mailbox oh this is her again look man we got popcorn all

over the floor oh my god the boys mailbox of eight oh three

I think it's farty smarty arty has struck again you better watch out for the popcorn minefield

you may hang up or press pound for more options

fucking arty and his jujubes that he mashed in my house I mean he would leave like six cans of

dr pepper um the rappers of the rappers of at least five like mcdoubles that we will buy on

the way he would come with a sag of mcdoubles like a sack like five six of them i was back

when they were just a dollar so like six seven bucks yeah he would bring another bag with like

it would always be like a six pack it would be like at least a six packs worth of dr peppers

but i think he just like had like oh he would just bring a bag of like them loose in there i

guess he brought him from home or something yeah so much that's why he wouldn't shut up man he was

like all sugared up all sugared up man and he was smoking with me smoking pot with me for the first

time we did that k12 shit he started the k2 stuff and i think it was because of me yeah yeah but he

went way overboard dude he was doing over the fence and all that shit yeah no he went overboard

i think that was his wake-up call he stopped with that after that point he was like i can't do this

shit anymore yeah yeah we need to get a call from uh a reminder from last night well

is calling that asshole from 104

that said, this better be a mistake.

Dude, that guy was a dick.

He's like, this better be a mistake.

I wonder how he liked the two toilet paper deliveries

he got later that night.

Yeah, Milkman, on Dwight's show last night,

we were calling a guy in a hotel room, number 104,

and he was just like a real jerk-off.

Like, he just picked up the phone and was like,

this better be a mistake.

Oh, shit.

Okay.

We'll get that number and get Crazy Chris's

and I'll keep working down the list.

I got them both. I got Tyler

who's the asshole that yells 200 West

at us to fight. 200 West.

And Crazy Chris is

right below that and I'll grab the

I think it's the High Dune Resort here in a second.

He never says like we're

West what? 200 West what?

You know, it's amazing.

Alright, so we didn't

to get any answer for the bully bully machine hang on let me get some music going here we already

listened to the chronic now we're going to listen to what else did i have here i got some gorillas

loaded up yeah this is the the album called the fall by the gorillas i think it came out like in

99 no see that when is this coming out okay while you're at this album came out it's the one that

i haven't i've heard the least out of all of them well shake my dick to this yeah donica is looking

for a large female ours is a Great Dane female all right here we go

Great Dane size their size pony man dogs are he cannot be reached at the moment

please person cannot be reached at the moment please leave a message after the

tone after you leave a message you can modify it by pressing pay fuck you

you but i'll leave off may i talk to jd is that the next one guest now okay yeah this man had

surprised a lot of you but i have yet another new number and phone haha oh wait wait don't dial him

yet um i got his butt i got one of his friends numbers that we can put on a caller id oh yeah

give me that caller id uh put that in the conference chat if you don't i just uh took a

look at his shit one of his buddies is like oh yeah here's my number gotcha let me change that

the buddy's name you got it yeah terry i believe i believe it's a family member

same last name all right and here's gaston it's a bitch i don't bolt like it then

i'm in trouble with the pickups tonight this looks like it could be his mother

try it again nope all right shane uh messages the process call or text for an appointment all right

Any idea what this process is?

Did you click on the link?

I have not.

Oh, you skipped over the family dollhouse.

Oh, did I?

Marlene Martinez.

If you want to talk to her, I'll find out what this process is.

Okay.

All right.

Good deal.

Thanks for catching that.

Price reduced on a loving family dollhouse.

Everyone included.

Everything included.

Let's see what everything is.

Yeah, you had the dollhouse?

You sold it?

Yeah.

you fucking assholes fuck you then if you sold it go fuck yourselves fucking bitch okay have a good

night man you too thank you motherfucker bye yeah merry christmas asshole for sure man good vibes

man i'm a mormon i'm a mormon i'm peaceful this is uh the next one the process i don't know what

this yeah i don't know what this process is maybe maybe it's a diet plan he's a barber or some kind

He's a barber?

He's cutting the hair and making people fresh, yo.

Man, you clean it up real nice, yo.

That's the process, yo.

Reach the voicemail box of 7-1.

I have knots because I hung up.

I'm trying again.

Apparently, he cuts hair and then takes a fucking picture after every one.

He puts it on his Facebook.

Well, so much for that, eh, Dwight?

Shane would have been a good one, too, because he puts the fucking name to the people.

boy he's cutting hair so i was gonna say you know i'm david told me to call and like you jerked my

son off when he cut his hair it's fucked up you held a knife to his neck and said you better do

shit uh all right here's henry who has a free baby crib in the picture it looks like in the

first one like the dog is taking a piss on the baby crib i like the next one has a new goat a

free goat rather all right this is a free baby crib as well as a new cat lounge am i this is

is correct this is the same person new cat lounger sleeper new cat lounger sleeper double compartment

looks like a goddamn cat glory hole to me says dwight okay gotcha dwight's writing jokes

i want to explain why his cats refuse to get in there we follow for that kid yeah hi how are you

i see you have a free baby crib and a cat lounger sleeper machine oh you sound like shit motherfucker

fucker you got rid of it already yeah fuck you get a new phone yeah bitch god damn kook no it's

kanaka kanaka or kanaka kanaka or kanaka you see kanaka or kanaka i don't know what it would be

kanaka i think i've said kanaka before trying to say street names you know how i do that like

i'm sure i've said it before probably have rather hello

he's dropping son of a bitch he said canaca fuck that all right free goat let's get some goat sound

effects here neon do you want a goat sure what are you gonna do with goat make some gonna kill it

yeah make some curry meat right no no just roast it look at my my man my manager the last job i had

he um he got some land and uh from a relative that passed away he got goats and he has them

there and he slaughters them himself and he sells them he sells them to indian people that live in

the area because we had a lot of indians that worked with us so he made a lot of contacts and

he's actually like making bank selling indians um goat meat yeah it's good because it's not easy to

get goat meat around here in this in these parts of pennsylvania and there's a huge indian

population that works here in engineering and i.t and stuff like that so he found a he's a smart dude

that guy man he's on a niche market yeah he's a goat farmer he posts videos on youtube of the

uh on facebook of the goats playing and being stupid it's real funny before the slaughter night

yeah well i asked him like dude like don't you feel bad like it's like yeah there was one in

particular like i couldn't do it and he's still he's still around he's my buddy there was that

at one time doesn't count well whenever i sometimes i joke around like you know from uh

the movie uh zohan when he kidnaps the goat and uh i never saw that one yeah rob schneider's

adam sandler kidnaps rob schneider's goat and rob schneider's like

like i remember he got a call once it's like his his cousin was like yeah one of the goats

the goats got loose i'm chasing them around you gotta come out here and he's like i gotta go

guys like go he wasn't he didn't think it was funny he was real weird white guy very white

very white like okay am i done i don't know keep going banana trees for you yeah

or let me try go to we didn't we didn't call okay we didn't call the cat uh glory hole i thought the

cat glory hole was the same guy oh that is different guys that's the one i wanted to

Please leave your message for 8-0-8.

Look at that cat lounger and tell me that doesn't look like he's trying to trick the cats in there to like swat around his dick or something.

It's a snake.

All right, here is the glory hole for the cats.

Holy shit, that music is fucking loud.

Oh, is it?

Maybe that's better.

Yeah.

Dude, why can't I find this number?

I just thought I saw the cat lounge super compartment looks like a goddamn glory hole.

Did I?

My last four are 0, 3, 5, 0, 0, 3, 5.

Sick.

Wait, I'm telling you that is exactly what it is.

Neon.

No, I can't.

No, no, no.

Like neon.

You get in the backside.

The big sides for the cats to get in.

One stick your dick.

You put your dick in there.

I don't have a dick.

Liar.

Any day.

I know one dick in particular.

Who's secret dick?

Yep.

I don't hear an echo.

Oh, you complain so much.

I hear an echo.

The music's too loud.

Milo now?

Yeah.

Next, Neon says, your voice is too manly.

You need to bring it down.

This is the cat sleeper hole thing.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic...

No, Neon left.

No wonder there was no answer.

Neon got mad because of us.

All right, so banana trees for your emu.

Okay.

Those bananas, because I have a monkey.

I have a monkey farm.

You need...

You're breeding monkeys.

Same place I was zapping the monkeys on Jaya's show back in earlier, a few years ago.

I got the monkey farm.

Monkey.

A sad night.

All right, brown coconut, brown coconuts for $1.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

You have brown coconuts?

Yes.

Yeah?

Yeah, we have maybe 20 or more.

How much juice they hold, nigga?

Probably each.

How much juice they got, nigga?

Beg your pardon?

How much juice they hold, nigga?

How much juice they hold, the coconuts?

I don't know.

When you open it, then you can tell how much juice in there.

Well, you never opened them before?

Of course we do.

So how many you think you should get like a cup of juice more you think maybe each one?

Yeah, I never thought of it. I don't know. What do you drink it? Do you douche with it? No

I just use it for pies and different things. Oh, you know, you can douche with it. Did you try that?

Yeah, well they have coconut flour too. They have all kinds. Yeah, you know what douche is though

Do you understand what that is? Yes, I do. You know where you put it in your vagina. Yeah, put a tube

hey do you want the coconuts yeah okay yeah i wanted to i'm just trying to figure out how

much juice they hold nigga well i can't tell you that you have to figure that out when you

open them up all the okay i can scan can i bring my x-ray scanner to see how much juice they hold

nigga hello really they have such a thing i have a handheld thing yeah yeah i just don't care uh

yeah i just got to get you to sign a waiver are you kanaka kanaka no kanaka is that how you say

it you're not okay you're not kanaka right no okay good good because i don't want to deal with

kanaka people you know they're dirty oh dirty people you know well i'm in kaniyoy okay you

want to come look you want to come look at them you can you show me your coconuts yeah oh nice

okay does anyone else want to talk to her about the coconuts yeah ma'am do you like to uh shake

them to see how much milk is in them i yes you shake the coconut and you can hear the water in

it but i cannot tell you how much is in it how many how many times a day do you like to shake it

how many times a day do you shake them never mind i can't answer all do you ever find do you ever

find any baby coconuts inside listen i want to i want to drill a hole in the coconut and

power inject some semen in that mother isn't this how i won't sell them to you isn't this

how coconuts procreate coconuts procreate like the two coconut trees get together

right and they lay a coconut egg i don't think that's how it works honestly i don't i never

heard that before either that's a funny idea though two coconut trees just doing it banging

in the night swaying she was gonna give a good description too it sounds like i think dwight

scared her oh is that how it's done and then there's a monkey there yeah yeah they need the

monkey to procreate it's a symbiotic relationship they have with the monkey

the monkey transfers yeah okay i'm stopping oh boy let's do you want to try this car call her again

she was like hey says he's upset why he says you're ignoring him oh where did we get awkward

hang on i don't know what to do i know what to do connect us

hello yeah hi i'm gonna put um my spouse on the line again so she can figure this out with the

coconuts no thank you you are very rude on the phone do not call this number again or we'll call

excuse me ma'am i don't even have a chance to talk and i don't think that it's right for you

to say that i'm rude you haven't even spoken with me yet she gone she gone what an asshole i know

i know i know it's okay i fucking hate these hawaiian people it's kind of free firewood

who would need that in hawaii anyway unless you're homeless and cooking you're gonna need

Get your chicken feet.

Oh, yeah, there we go.

Carl Sanders making fires in the wood by the beach.

Heating up water, getting a shower at night.

40 fucking chicken feet to get rid of.

Wait, why don't you take this while I fix my Skypey thing?

Let me see if I can get some chicken feet.

Hello, how do you reach Reverend Keala Vi?

Hello?

It's a reverend.

Oh.

Voicemail.

Hi, Baz.

Bers.

Hey.

Bers.

Yeah, you have Echo.

Shit.

Shit, shit.

Goddamn it.

Get him chicken feet.

Aloha, you reached Revan Keala Vi Noel, the...

Revan Keala Pula.

I'm going to use the chicken foot sexually.

Ew.

Alright, I'm like, what, you've never been chicken foot fingered?

Okay.

Nah, I'll leave that to you, Dwight. That's gross.

Ew, with the foot tag, it's all yellow.

All scaly.

Ew.

This is firewood.

I'm really glad this guy took a picture of the firewood, too.

So you know.

Please message. Thank you.

At the top.

Next.

Sega Genesis.

Big Ed has the Sega Genesis.

Nelson Luna's the Mega Drive.

Almost New? I don't think so.

Let's see, there's a picture of it.

You want to see how Almost New it really is?

He put a stock picture of it.

He didn't even take a real picture of the goddamn thing.

What an asshole.

Ooh, he's got the Game Genie.

They took a glorious fuck video of the games.

Yeah.

He puts pictures like Sega characters and Sega logos.

Oh, whoa.

I remember there

was a lawsuit so game genie couldn't come out hello hi what's up oh my god

hello oh my god awkward dude hello sir you have a yeah go ahead you have a mega drive a sega mega

megadrive you okay what are you what are you asking me i'm sorry sega megadrive genesis

machine uh yes i do sell sega genesis uh systems i do have a sega genesis 3 available you have a

genesis 3 yes uh-huh oh how many spaces does that get how many what spaces what you mean spaces how

many spaces does it get i mean uh i'm sorry i don't think you understand what you're talking

talking about it's a the genesis is a video game computer machine okay a sega genesis 16-bit system

is that what you mean yeah it's a yeah it's a video game computer machine okay dude are you

are you just goofing around or are you serious about buying something or are you on maui first

of all are you on maui yeah yeah i am yeah okay what part of maui are you on i'm in waialea yeah

okay you know i know nothing i hope you guys are legit i mean i've had to deal with a lot

lot of people that have been very rude and very uh cynical and i don't understand why i don't know

well oh i can you know i don't can explain okay go ahead i'm sorry

it's because it starts out with you first sir the nerd culture you know like the techie

kind of nerdy culture they don't understand like they're very socially awkward you know

okay and they act like that all stuck up but they're like you know

you know they do the stuff like that so that's why but we're not like that we're cool this is

me and my ass sometimes they go yeah but we don't do that we don't like that yeah if you could do

me a favor there is a serial number on the bottom of the genesis it'll tell me which year it came

out of and what production run and that's important so i can hack it and put chips in it

and make it go um can you read that out to me and i'll do look up on the wikipedia the wiki that i

have here are you serious yeah there's a serial number on the bottom where the expansion port is

on the bottom there should be a like a sticker and it should say sega of america and it has to

answer this question for me then you're a techie then right you represent being a techie no i didn't

say that are you a geek i'm calling about us are you representing being a geek i'm calling you a

bully sir geez matter why no i'm asking you a legitimate question and that is the reason why

why I don't even think your call is legitimate.

Because most people wouldn't be offended by that

because people embrace being a geek, being techie.

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't offend you.

So if you were a real gamer, and I mean a real gamer,

first of all, you wouldn't be hacking the system.

People that hack the system don't play regular games.

I'm a serious gamer.

Hello, hello.

Listen to me.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

I've been in the industry 30 years.

And when I hear somebody tell me, oh, I'm going to hack your system, can you get the number for me so I can hack it?

Well, you know what?

I'm legit.

I'm real.

I'm a Sega fan.

I'm a Nintendo fan.

I don't rip off the companies and do weird things on the computer.

I play the real stuff.

So if you're asking me to hack anything from Sega, anything like that, it's not going to happen.

Shut up for a second.

And it's really terrible that you're representing our group, geeks, techies.

I love them all because that's exactly what I am.

It got me out of the hood.

It got me out of trouble.

Thank God for video games.

Can I say something?

I love it.

It's my passion.

And when I see people screwing it, oh, boy, watch out, okay?

Hey, thanks for staying on the phone this long because now I got your number.

Oh, shit.

can i say thank you very much and i will report you to the fcc if i hear any more

shit from people like you can i say have a great day god bless can i say have a merry christmas

i hope i never speak to you again please do not hack the systems that are real oh thank you very

much god bless have a great day you know what we got we got the number through the line

while you were talking to us what the fuck i was trying to tell him a for someone who says he

doesn't like to hack the system he's selling a fucking game genie with this offer a which is

exactly what that does b i i'm looking to overclock the genesis so it runs better and faster i'm not

trying to hack the games fucking idiot that guy's probably still talking you know god i thought

he was recording for a second i've been doing this for 30 hours it saved my life i don't dare

Sir, listen.

First of all, you're trying to sell

a Game Genie in your offer, but you say

you're against hacking the games?

That doesn't make any sense.

Give me a break.

B, I need to put a chip.

You're going to call me about a

Game Genie

that's made for the system?

Come on, please. Give me a break.

And if you're recording this for YouTube,

I hope they sue you.

Really, honestly. Come on.

Can I go real are you can I go Sega? Oh my god. I can't believe you call me twice

I cannot believe it paying us good money and the non gamers guys. It's sad

Gamers have more credibility than this. You are not a gamer. Yeah, we're sorry to tell you that

Sound like you're fucking 40 and you're taking pride in being a game

I'm afraid, oh no, fear, social control, what do you mean?

Well, I tell you, YouTube's going to be upset when they hear all this.

They're really going to be sad about you guys.

Pitiful, non-gamers, you guys will never be gamers, ever, ever.

Fuck you, fuck you.

You're using all the air in Maui, which is not very much.

Fuck you.

You're using all the air in Maui, which is not really fucking much.

Can you speak up, sir?

I hope you fucking die.

What was that?

Ah, Neon Sir.

Oh, you have your girlfriend on too?

Oh my God, that's beautiful.

Fuck you.

Come on, guys.

Fuck you, motherfucker bitch.

Yeah, you're stupid.

Kanaka.

That's right.

I'm out of the United States.

Because I am sick of people like you that pretend and maybe and kind of.

You're not gamers?

No way.

Because you wouldn't act like this.

You would have some respect.

Respect.

Reject.

With a capital R.

Respect.

I'm not going to teach you anything about respect.

Come on, guys.

You got more to do with your time than do this kind of crap.

Ding dong.

Really?

Carrasco, real gamer.

Really.

30 years, brother.

I stay a game off.

And you acting like this.

Shame on you.

I'm going to call Coconut Wireless and report you.

It's sad.

You're going to call Coconut Wireless?

but I'm gonna pray for you guys

I will pray for you

it's upsetting, you make me mad

but I'm working on

at being forgiving

and having a good heart

and not stuckling to racism

hello

we're all gonna be dead if we don't figure it out

remember that

hey are you human?

I'm really sure what color you are

I'm glad you're human

yay

okay

God bless you

God bless you.

Fucking asshole, bye.

Oh, why? You gonna call me an asshole?

Hang up the phone.

Hang up the phone, asshole. Go to hell.

What is the world coming to? There's proof right there.

There's proof right there.

We gotta love each other.

If you don't put that kind of energy

into the universe, we're gonna perish.

Go to hell, asshole.

White, Chinese, Japanese,

Vietnamese, whatever.

whatever i'm a mixed batch i can't even say i'm black i can't even say i'm japanese because i got

all flavors i can't figure it out i don't know who to hate oh well maybe i shouldn't hate anybody

right on aloha god bless fuck you oh that's a shame i was hoping you wouldn't say that

i really was i was gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and figure out that you were bigger

than that asshole you got your lady right next to you i'm assuming that she is because she sounded

really pretty and you know what you're talking like that to a fellow gamer you act like a gamer

but you're not i bless you the game prepare yourself i'll report you to youtube i'm not

Cool, this is all a game, buddy.

No, don't report us, please.

I heard that.

Who said that?

I heard that.

That's a naughty comment.

I like that.

605-351-4143.

Hey, don't laugh at that, Hacker.

Be for real, guys.

Come on.

Asshole.

Be for real.

Honestly.

Asshole.

Honestly.

I'm giving you...

I'm saying all this positive stuff to you, and you're calling me an asshole.

What is the world coming to?

That's why I want to move to Mars.

I want to get off this planet.

All you haters, you guys hate each other and kill each other in the corner.

Girlfriend, if I were you, I'd find a new man, because he ain't no good.

You find a good person like me, and then I'm happy with everybody,

because I don't care what color you are.

How's that?

Bring it down.

You shouldn't be a gamer though

Because if you're not I won't consider you

Fuck you asshole

Fuck you asshole go to hell

Fuck you asshole bitch

I'm not going to hell

You're gonna burn in hell motherfucker

He says otherwise

No I'm not

White devil where are you

You're going to hell

That is sad

You're talking like that in front of your woman

Oh my god

That is pitiful, man.

Honestly, wow.

I'm really shocked.

I would think you guys would be more of a man.

Girlfriend, find yourself a real man.

A real man.

They might have balls in the dick, but find yourself a real man.

Okay?

Hey, don't curse at me like that.

Don't curse like that.

What are you going to call me now?

If it doesn't bother me, you call me all that.

You're going to pay for those sins.

I'm not.

Vagina.

You're going to pay for them.

I'm trying to bless you.

and you're cussing me out what is the world coming to think about it go to hell think about it go to

hell about it you hate me and i'm telling you i don't hate you but you still hate me

why it's why is that why are you calling me all these stupid names okay i'm sorry because we're

going to change brother change or we will perish as a species we will not exist because they're

They're stupid people with too much money.

They're psychotic, and they want us all to die.

We'll kill each other, and they'll come in and mop up.

Are you ready for that?

I'm not going to be defeated like that.

I will not be, okay?

So get your act together.

Move positively and move forward.

And most of all, take care of that beautiful sounding girl you've got next to you.

She sounds awesome.

All right, God bless you guys.

Aloha.

Fuck you, motherfucker.

Dirty eyes.

I was ready to hang up and you were calling me that again?

Golly, bro.

What did I do?

Why are you calling me that?

Talk to people the way you are.

How dare you?

You guys must be greys or tall whites or something like that, I guess.

I don't know.

All right.

But you're a foreign species and I have to watch out for you guys.

Shut up.

I hung up on him.

Fuck the guy.

Sorry, I didn't mean to be racist.

You bring that.

You brought that.

Shut on off.

what was really crazy second time yeah he was upset with you calling him a second time

second time i'm sorry i can't handle shit like that oh

he was upset because the third calls are coming yeah i'm 41 and i still game but god to being

that old and still get really upset you're killing the scene praise yeah i've been in the

seen 30 years yeah that was bizarre genesis is the wave of the future man just a stupid he's

probably he's just a stupid he followed to jail as like a born-again christian or something yeah

it sounds like it i'm like fuck you dude he said he's black and japanese and all he's talking some

weird shit like yeah he's psychotic yeah he is all right so that was what the sega genesis all

right back to those i'll call him back and after a few i'll let him anyway smoke

You probably all pissed you called him on Sunday.

Dude, he went on a defensive religious tirade, dude.

He really felt nature, man.

He was like, fuck you.

What?

Oh, you should not have said that.

Anyway, the last time he did it, I think he was already in on a joke.

He was connecting people to hell and such.

I was like, daggone, man.

He is really, really scared here.

All right, smoked pork meat.

Anyone want that?

Milkman, you want some pork?

Yeah, you got that pork?

pork hello hello this is Aaron yeah you got that pork yeah okay yeah um I wanted to get some pork

I want to get some pork in for the holiday what the what did I say what a little

is this still in Hawaii ask for boy with this okay yeah is that a restaurant no just a guy

I'm selling pork.

Oh.

Pork meat.

You're selling some porkings?

This is meat.

Smoked meat.

Pork.

I was going to say I was going to pork his wife, but he didn't let me get there.

Yeah.

I'm going to pork your wife under the mistletoe.

Oh.

I didn't get to say my joke.

I'm going to pork your wife under the mistletoe.

Damn.

Oh, wait, because I copied the wrong number, didn't I?

Yeah.

No wonder.

That was a glass globe atomizer.

That was for wax.

That would have been great for Mr. Awkward.

Sorry.

just that one guy just come with me you got that smoked meat give me some of that meat

motherfucker cocksuck yeah i'll smoke his beef what did that guy other guy say yeah i have the

pork he's like yeah go pork hello hello yeah hi you have smoked pork yes sir i do yeah i'm looking

for pork for the christmas i'm looking to pork yes yes yeah i want i want to pork your wife i

i heard her over there i want to pork her uh i pork your face too if you want no no the peck peck

yeah i just want pork from your wife you sexy cute wife the peck peck yeah hello

hey carlito i'll be right back i'm gonna slap the dog fuck out of my son real quick

who him you better mute that we don't want to hear that you want to listen come here bring

Bring your face right here, right close to the microphone.

Ready?

See, I just slapped the fuck out of him.

Oops.

Someone just slapped blocks.

Somebody dropped Dwight.

Good, good.

Take that, Dwight Jr.

Yeah.

Awkward.

I did.

Yeah.

I'm going to tell him.

I'm going to say, I'm going to slap the dog fuck out of you and do it.

I'm going to do it.

I said, okay.

Hello?

Yeah, hello?

Yeah, I was calling to pork you for pork.

You what?

I'm going to call the police on you, you fucking son of a bitch.

No, I'm just.

What's your number?

You're selling pork, you stupid bitch.

Bitch, you're selling pork.

You, the one, you stupid fucker.

Ah, you canaca?

Get up.

Go call the police.

You sound like a big slobber pork.

You big fat ass pork piggy.

What's your problem?

What's your problem, slobber pussy?

Don't talk like that, shit.

Ma'am, is your...

You piece of shit.

Man, does your vagina hang so low you have rocks in it?

Fuck you!

Like a sleeve of wizard?

Filipino fish vagina.

I like a fat, quirky woman.

How mid-big is your ass?

God damn!

Do you use a pussy pump?

I bet you got a big fat pussy.

She's gone, she's gone.

Peck peck.

Yup, that's a new term.

That's a new term.

You think she's a...

New term, corn is titled?

Slobber pussy.

I don't think she is.

She sounds like a Hispanic or something.

That'd be nice and low.

Hey there, Vazzo.

Well, no.

Oh, I thought Baz said she's from the Philippines.

No, that was the guy, that last guy.

I got it mixed up.

Baz fell asleep again.

Yay, Baz.

You fell asleep last night?

He was snoring so much last night?

Yeah, I got blamed.

Baz is a lightweight.

Totally fell asleep.

I didn't say anything.

I'm going to sleep here for you.

I'm kidding.

Neon snoring.

Everyone blames that I'm Baz.

Baz comes back from getting a drink.

He's like, oh, no.

What the hell?

And the whole chat room was calling him a lightweight.

Before that, you were talking about your wax, and then you fell asleep or whatever.

I swear to God, though, it sounded like someone was really snoring.

That's why I snored myself awake.

You guys were like, Neon, are you home?

It was Neon.

She fell asleep, and she was snoring.

And everyone blamed it on Baz last night.

Baz was like, no.

I was like, who's here?

And I'm like, I'm naming names.

Neon, if you're here, it must have been Baz.

It must have been Baz.

i did not say mustard and bass i just said no uh uh not me yeah well you didn't help the situation

you didn't back out bash i put it forthcoming that's up man so we had on-air snoring

last night i missed it yeah yeah you did and it wasn't you it wasn't you this time

i know i'm not guilty of that ever you know that come on

whatever i got on a show carly that was the whole time yeah that's when i was in the hospital what

What do you expect?

Oh, whatever.

He was doing more feet drip, man.

I felt like I got to get some break on that one.

Carly, do you ever listen to it?

There are shows I don't remember.

There's shit that I said on that show.

And that one Sunday with Brad and Neon.

I don't remember half the shit I said.

I just know everyone was like, that was awesome.

You did great.

That show was good to hear you again.

I was like, oh, you know.

During one show, I played all my intro shit.

And then I played a clip of someone just fucking snoring on YouTube.

and uh people were like oh it's fucking carlito and carlito's best reason motherfucker quit playing

it sounded like me it sounded like me though it sounded like i snore

it actually sounded like i snore but yeah you sent me the youtube link to what you were playing

i'm like okay i was like damn that really sounded like me i was embarrassed because

snoring is embarrassing i was trying to take him out i had fallen asleep and shit and forgot about

my show and everyone's like oh carlitos asleep on the air and i'm like that's not what

i'm going for all right puppies anyone want puppies yeah let's make some puppy soup

hello hello it's a chihuahua corgi terrier pomeranian mix what the

what was what don't even mention the breeds at that point just say it's a mutt

yeah fucking you can't go past two after two breeds you can't be talking like oh it's a mix

bullshit it's a fucking it's a divided conquered amalgamation of dog hello yeah huh you have

puppies um yeah oh here's someone that was gonna ask about it go ahead sandwich i'm sorry what was

that oh yeah i'm trying to uh i'm trying to get the puppy me and my wife here we're trying to get

the puppies i think connection is really bad all i can hear i heard puppies yo no me and my wife

we're trying to get the puppies can you understand me oh my god she's on an obama

you're a piece of what are you on that obama phone or what let me try her again

go ahead go ahead neon i'm sorry no you're fine that's cool mountains of hawaii i did that i was

like oh i'll bring her in i'll bring her in we still gotta call crazy chris and that other dude

yeah they're at the bottom that hotel too oh yeah we could only we could only hope that

That asshole's doing 104.

Hey, how you doing?

I was calling about the puppies.

Is this any better?

Yes, it is better.

Oh, yeah.

Me and my wife, we were calling about the puppies.

You got two of them?

Yes.

Oh, that's fantastic.

We got a nice big house, and we got three kids.

And we figure we get a couple puppies, and they do the naming, and they name them.

They go, oh, it's so cute.

We do it for Christmas.

Right.

Okay.

Hang on, I'm going to put my wife on, though, because the kids are being bad right now, and I've got to go discipline the little bastards.

Hang on.

Hi, man, how are you?

Hi.

Hello?

Maybe you should call back another time.

Hello?

Oh, is this a bad time?

Your husband just said that your kids were being bad, and he needs to go discipline the little bastards.

So I thought maybe this was a bad time.

He's a little touch.

Don't mind him.

him um actually i was getting the dogs for i was looking into getting puppies because

we're since my husband is you know like i said he's kind of touched we're looking for um

uh one of those like uh like dogs that he can like go to the store with what are they called

i forgot anywho he needs like a like you know it's like for it's like animal therapy so that

he can learn to you know communicate himself and all that yeah service service dog yes service dog

dog thank you yeah fucking dogs are your dogs smart enough to be service dogs or because I

see there's a lot of breeds that are mixed in so I wasn't sure you know do they take direction

pretty well I know they're puppies but they're puppies okay but how are their parents were they

pretty pretty smart or you know were they hard to train their parents are actually very smart

we haven't trained them but they are smart okay um yeah uh so do you do like if we come you know

know if we come by and see the puppies do you like want to see like how they um like interact

with us or are you okay just you know just selling the puppy straight off um i don't know how i mean

because you know people do breeders and people that sell dogs and cats and stuff they're they're

different so i just didn't know if you know you have to interview us and it has to be this big

thing you know you little motherfuckers are going out to the dog house tonight you hear me

maybe you should call back yeah that husband is a big dumb animal gotta love him um yeah we

we were looking to get some some puppies though for christmas for the kids because um my husband

he just he loves animals so much he just he squeezed the head so much on the last puppy and

it keeled over for thanksgiving so um how about tomorrow is it tomorrow is this like an entertainment

my call or no i don't i don't really sound entertained do i um maybe you better try somewhere

else why squeeze the head of the fucker and then it just

disciplined those little bastards she didn't like that at all

didn't like that you were lenny from of mice and men and just squeeze the puppy

it's a tough like please leave your message for

yeah i was around thanksgiving i said he was like lenny from of mice and men

squeeze the puppy did anybody ever read that book no that's no too many syllables in that book

the fuck is this reading shit what is that too many syllables of my yeah you know what you guys

were jock that's right you guys don't read i read i read to kill a mockingbird i read uh

the what's the island with the boys from you lower the flies lower the flies i read that

that's good you guys didn't read the catcher in the rye yeah that was good i read that it was hot

did you read the bell jar no i read my brother sam is dead it was a good book about sam being

dead hey roosters for sale shall we okay good cheap roosters i don't think 60 is cheap though

we're a rooster if it's a good fighting rooster that's what we got to do with them

oh it just got deleted by author too good thing i got the pump

oh you have a fighting rooster can take on a fighting turkey man there's fighting turkeys

they beat the shit out of a fighting rooster that'd be funny in puerto rico where it's legal

still to show up with a turkey cockfighting arena see if they'll let you enter it

someone has a mini massager for sale neon you need to get the mini massager

it's used this guy named girl has a new one i'm hoping i get one for christmas oh yeah

Yeah, good luck with that.

I hope you do.

Nice big double dong.

Do you like it right on the clear?

Um.

Vibro spin.

The vibro spin.

It depends because the hard ones are, I mean, that's kind of hard to put up there.

I get the big ones, I just start banging them in there, you know?

Oh, my God.

Throw my fist like this.

It's like a spike and Carly was sitting there with a hammer, just fucking hammered it in there.

Like, peck, peck, peck, peck.

You ever seen those bitches with the prolapsed pussies and they just kind of fall out the prolapsed asses. It's weird

When I was at this last when I was

Gnarly the hospital was healing out one of the one of the nurses told me that one of the female

Wow a lot of girls have to have surgery for that shit

Well just older women

It happens to the older women.

That's what she was telling me.

It happens a lot to the older women that are under care.

Hello?

Hi, you have a waxing kit?

Yeah, we have a waxing kit.

Okay, my wife's going to ask you about it.

She's a bitch.

Okay, then I'm going to have to switch the phones over to my girlfriend.

Hold on one sec.

You can talk to my wife.

That's okay.

Hello?

hi hi hi i'm calling

about the waxing kit sure hi um is it is it used or is it um brand new i'm not i don't have the

article or anything in front of me it is used it is used but it's not i didn't use it maybe more

than four times how did you like it why are you selling it i'm selling because i'm moving back to

california oh okay well what did you use it for if you don't mind me asking what was it what did

you use it for um i used it for just general waxing like legs and like eyebrows oh okay and

And I don't double dip because I have a license.

Is he a Tanaka?

Did you use it to wax his back?

My boyfriend has no hair on his body.

Oh, well, not now.

But I just wondered if maybe this wasn't good enough anymore and you went to something else.

No, no.

I have waxed guy friends back with it before.

There's two wax that I'm going to give out.

The tea tree is a softer wax.

And then the black honey one is the harder wax.

so that one actually takes more uh hair the coarse hair honey can you ask so if you want to use it on

a guy the black okay is it um did you ever do like a brazilian or just the bikini area or you just

did like legs no i have not never done bikini areas okay yeah because i like it pretty bare

down there so um you know it really depends on what kind of wax you get though so the it comes

comes with whatever i used which is the two waxes um you can get a different wax that's harder that

you can possibly do brazilian yourself i would ask your husband to help you though because it's

yeah you got to get your legs really up there to get it in there and sometimes you have to get on

all fours i wasn't i know it's kind of so invasive all these things we have to do to please men right

yeah my husband he's got he's got it yeah i know and he's got that he's got a you know his hair on

his body it looks like a heart and it's just really weird i try to keep it you know trimmed

up but that's what i know i know i thought i wondered you're not gonna put the wax on me

again are you honey oh yeah we're gonna do the komosayama no yes the wax warmer is pretty small

it's a space saver one so it's it's convenient it's compact size and it fits um 14 ounce wax

wax um uh but i guess i would call this bottles i'm hoping that should be enough because he's a

pretty bushy guy yeah yeah he's a pretty i'm actually you know there really is nothing like

a shorn scrotum so the wax um container itself is about 14 15 depending on what kind you're gonna

get yeah i think she does honey like i lie down and then spread the legs up in the air and then

then you drip it over the scrotum are you gonna are you gonna give us the little um the little

tabs or like fabric so i can do the yeah it comes with um the strips that i was using and then

there's like lotion to go with it the pre-cleansing one the wax off one after shaving lotion it's not

full full because i've used it a couple times i have baby powder and i have um um a wax off

for your skin too it's a professional one you can whack it off you can whack it off whack it off

yeah and a couple spatula does it leave rashes there's other people that want it too so

the masturbate one do you know that it would leave a rash if i put some on my prolapse

um i i you know i i we all have different bodies i have no idea what how to answer that what kind

of body do you have what kind of body do you have i really need to wax around my prolapse

yeah what kind of body do you i would just i would just do a little test hey can you can you

acknowledge me please ma'am can you acknowledge me how what kind you said we all have different

bodies what's your body like how did it work on you oh hello honey hello you ain't got to be

scared like they were at the really what happened i killed she got scared i don't know there was

like dumb noises and shit happening i heard like a little bicycle and the monkey of course and

And the end. Jumping up and down the bed.

Hello?

Yeah, we were just...

My spouse, my wife, was just talking to your wife

and got disconnected.

We're about to come to a...

Oh, yeah. She had to go...

Yeah, she accidentally hung up and then she had to go to the bathroom.

So she's in the bathroom.

Hey, can I go in the bathroom with her and take a look?

Is she going to take a shit?

Is she going to go wax?

She's just waxing on me.

She's a scat queen.

She's in there like...

just gonna use it one last time oh i fucking love it i'll be right back bye hurry up by the

hello are you gonna buy the kid or what yeah yeah we want to buy it yeah is she out of the

bathroom yet yeah oh okay can we negotiate them do final negotiation yeah i can negotiate with

with what with you hello hey you're breaking up you have a piece of shit phone

yeah hey your phone's breaking up what did you say you can negotiate with me okay so you don't

have any hair on your body she said do you have cancer hello all right we're done dude well she

she said you don't have any hair like not even your eyebrows okay she did say that you negotiate

with me yeah she did say that he was hairless holy shit no eyebrows or nothing no eyelashes

yeah what's the matter got no hair down there buddy uh what did they call you around the way

baby nuts they call it trichotillomania i just imagine that she like ritualistically shaves him

if she's out that was a quick shit that she went in there and did

she dropped it out like a baby she just gripped it and ripped it

and then we got a monkey pod what was this now monkey pod monkey pod trunk it's some type of

tree that this fucker cut down all right get your sound effect ready okay we'll burn this quick and

And then we'll call Crazy Chris and the Room 104 cat from last night.

And I think we're done.

Thanks for the numbers, cat.

I appreciate the work.

No problem.

It sounds like a big keg you got there in the floor.

Like you put your feet on it every once in a while.

All right, no answer there.

Sorry, I'm just rushing through these.

All right, here's Crazy Chris, right?

Or Tyler?

Well, you got Tyler up there.

He's the one that yells 200 West at us.

Okay, okay.

And then Crazy Chris is the other dude.

Crazy Chris is that crazy boss?

you have fucked up whatever he says you've made a great fucking error bring a casket

i'll try it again i think he just picked up and hung up because it didn't even go to voicemail

all right you got his voicemail changed back finally yeah changed it i did uh crazy chris

oh fuck here we go your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system

probably listening right now yeah you think so these motherfuckers not again all has been

forwarded to an automatic voice message system all right last one let's see if we can get 104

do we have to ask or do we type it in oh no we can just punch in 104 you gotta do it slow though

or the system will fuck up all right black can sort in lauderdale by the sea florida

this is currently closed reach a guest you may dial their extension number anytime

time. Simply dial

1-0-1. You are being transferred to

a guest. Convenient.

Come on.

I'm the same. The person you're trying to

reach is unavailable at this time.

I guess we're done. Not answering.

Aww. Aww. Plus, anyway, it's

late. Okay, I gotta go. No, it's not.

We gotta end on the bottom of the hour.

40 minutes? Are you fucking nuts?

Yeah. Fuck that.

I'm leaving. 10 minutes. 10 more minutes.

Yeah, okay. We'll leave in 10 more minutes.

Yeah, we'll leave. Alright. Bye. See you

you guys bye bye milkman are you here are you here milkman milkman milkman he's probably on mute

i'll give milkman a second while i do that i'll say that i'm ready to go i want to thank everyone

who tuned in thanks dwight for sending in numbers thank you baz awkward dwight neon for being on

am i hearable yes you are hearable i hear your bowl hey are we closing yeah we're closing out

it's time to go yeah all right man well there you go man what a freaking blockbuster show

i hope you guys really enjoyed as much as i did it was a lot of fun man we had a bunch of good

people in there and if you missed it you better catch the show real man because there's something

good happening on there yeah thank to everybody i'd like to thank uh ken for bringing in numbers

uh neon baz uh who else stopped by uh the armonito was with this couple of our friends

great show man if you missed it don't miss it again man because every third every sunday we

do it right here in your ear balls the same time every week the most interactive show you can find

right here on the internet we just asked you to give us a bring a friend or bury up bring an animal

yeah we'll drop the time and you give us a time i have one call at a time all around the nation

my brother everybody though thank you brother you did your name again man i smiled and laughed

thank you brother smile and laugh and right now live we have 85 on mixler and a combined 142 on

shoutcast not bad so we're 224 something like 224 gold stars something like that 220 something

anyway i gotta go see you uh milkman you take care of man i'll talk to you listen to do you

realize that's like what more than 10 times that we had back in the day yeah i love you man peace

see you man bye all right milkman loves me isn't that great aren't i blessed seven okay i'm out of

here thanks again everyone for listening i'll be on again with brad carter rbcp rb uh wednesday

night 10 p.m eastern me and him are going to do a special christmas eve show that is the next time i

am on uh our next live show in theory would be dwight who you heard earlier he'll be on live

tuesday night yeah tuesday night with his mop riding show right of course matt is not on our

network laugh track matt but he'll be on this show tomorrow night at some point or tomorrow

at some point anyway i'm tired of talking and bullshitting and i'm leaving bye prank call nation

Madhouse Radio – 12/21/2014 Show

Calls (44, 1 h 52 min of 3 h 15 min)

Transcript

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