Madhouse Radio – 1/4/15 Show - Madhouse Live Search

All right, Chris, it's 1798, and we're in the home of Jane Austen.

Jane Austen? I don't think she's on my history test, Stewie.

Oh, I know. We're just here to release pent-up time travel farts.

Awesome!

Yeah!

Oh, yeah. Give me some of that.

Mmm, the insides of men. This is what fuels me.

You little monkey.

You bastard.

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

This is Madhouse Radio for January with Paul.

Hooray.

Hooray for January.

With me here is Milkman.

Hooray for Milkman.

Yay.

Believe it or not, we're coming up on the 10th freaking anniversary.

You old cheeto, you my brother.

Glad to hear your melodious tones, man.

Let us know what's going down in the munition, man.

Yeah, thanks, man.

That's right.

Thanks for bringing that up.

Now 10 years.

This is the 10-year-a-year.

The 10-year-a-year.

Just a week from now, kids.

Just a week.

It's a few months away.

Weeks.

Months.

It's like in May.

It's in May.

That's still months away.

You don't say weeks per May.

I was going to say 12 weeks.

I thought it was March, but that's all right.

I know it's coming soon.

It's coming, kids.

We got about, oh, it's June, actually.

It's after my birthday.

I know that.

After my birthday and before the 4th of July, I think.

i think that's how it works out i think it's all right the last the last few days of june early

july is when it is i am pretty sure so that means we have six months to plan a stellar episode dude

this is one to break in the whole new century with the 21st century madhouse show dude so i got

some ideas dude let's pull our resources for later fuck that we're never on even on the 20th

man come on man we're never on even where we're never on in the 20th century how do we how are

we all of a sudden now the 21st are you saying i've been a deck uh two decades behind okay i

didn't mean paper center i meant to say 2015 i'm sorry i've been like a decade behind the corner

for directions to the store press one for for information on the lips transferring to flooring

flooring i don't like flooring that much hey i gotta get some floors up in that ass

hello excuse me i was calling because i need to get some of them floors up in the ass up at that

ass i'm trying to make sure whether or not you have this certain type of flooring machine what

kind of flooring machine are you looking for uh the one that goes the ones that go you know they

go no i'm not sure what you're talking about they go they take the floor and they go go go like

like that have that one that kind he's checking he's shaking all the boxes see if they sound

like that we have the machine it goes yeah do you have the machine it goes i have no idea what

you're talking about it goes it goes like this like that and it goes up and then the floor comes

down it goes like that i don't think we have that you're pretty ignorant you're pretty stupid

stupid ignorant motherfucker put me on speakerphone motherfucker no dude I didn't do anything he just

like not you disconnected not you jackass nope man it's not you sorry hello motherfucker yeah

you man come on man come on man you got the machine that goes me or not you stupid

you come on now who are you don't talk to me like that you stupid my name's Tony

starks what's that about who does that who does that anymore that's that's so september 10th

thank you for shopping

to our staff so we had to hang up on you that's the song milkman that's how it goes

should we call him back yeah you're there milkman your video's on

Ooh, I can see your fleshlight.

Wow.

Thank you for calling me.

Hey.

Milkman, I can see your fleshlight.

For directions to the store, press 1.

He's trying to show me something on his desk, but I totally just saw his...

I can see his fleshlight.

He can't hear me.

For information on deliveries, press 1.

He can't hear me.

Look, it's his fleshlight.

Press 2.

Commercial sales.

Transferring to hardware and tools.

Please hold.

You know, Milkman, I can't hear you, sir.

Can you hear me now?

yeah now i hear you what are you doing oh i was i was advertising for you dude i was showing you

what we got set up here i saw your flashlight i saw your flashlight on your desk that's what i

said man insert your penis here dude we got room for you man it's all right i have a flashlight

too it's all right all right wait i thought that was dwight never mind yeah hi i have a

flashlight here we have fleshlight you know all right hold on one moment okay oh now we're sick

It's like, oh, fleshlight.

Hardware, this is Skyler.

Yeah, you got them fleshlights?

Yeah, we've got a couple different brands of flashlights.

What kind are you looking for?

Which one holds the biggest cocks?

What's that?

Which one holds the biggest, big-ass cocks?

The biggest cocks in there.

I'm attaching it to my dog machine.

Looking for a flashlight?

Yeah, yeah, I'm putting it on my dog machine.

Okay.

It needs to take big, great, dang, fucking, big-ass, fucking, elbow-sized cock machine.

Are you just looking for, like, a clip that has a light on it?

Yeah, nice big spaces in it for the dog to fuck.

Just got a couple different, like, clip-on lights.

You think a clip-on light could handle some dog dick?

Like, big-ass dog dick coming at it.

No lube or anything, just fucking it.

Hello?

I'm here.

Do you make keys there?

Yes.

All right, how much for a key?

$1.90.

If it's a home key, it's $1.97.

Yeah, it's a home key.

If it's an automotive key, it's more.

All right, I'm holding up this key.

If you can see it, I need a copy of this one right here.

I'm holding it up.

If you want to take a screenshot of it.

I need this key right here.

It has the code number on it, and then you can get the screenshot to match it.

Hello?

Yeah, I'm here.

Are you making a key while you talk to me, or what's going on, boy?

Are you jerking?

I don't know what kind of key you're looking for.

Are you getting a blowjob or something?

I'm showing it to you on my camera phone.

I'm talking to you on the store phone, sir.

Yeah, but just turn on the viewer.

No, I'm on an office phone.

what do you mean office phone you're not an office you're working in a retail store

correct yeah a home improvement retail store a major one right do you do you realize that you're

yeah yeah you're a major uh home improvement franchise home improvement store machine right

correct yeah so you have you don't have a phone machine at all that works because they you know

everyone all phones all the phones come with camera and screen now and everything yeah no

know these ones are like office phones oh like that old shit oh oh that's that's so september

10th you know damn um can you put me put me through to a paint yeah definitely thanks honey

bye honey baby i gotta get that saul rosenberg sound effect with him saying okay honey baby

that was one of the good ones hey honey baby boy was junior tv yeah comics unleashed

i need to talk to the paint machine to the i'm sorry did you say to paint paint machines

okay just one moment hurry up i'm getting snow hello this is ottoman paint hey how are you doing

honey who is this hi i'm calling about paint okay what can i help you with is it correct you could

you could take a picture and scan it and match the color what are you trying to trying to do

do you have a picture well I have um a color that I printed out on glossy paper one color okay yeah

and I want to have you guys like scan it or whatever it is you do and match it well our

computer doesn't scan unless they're like cards but if you have the name of the color I can look

it up that way okay it's this one right here oh which one is that the one I'm holding you should

you see it on the camera right now on the phone on the camera phone uh-huh what's the name of it

uh it says number it says labia labia brown actually not on my desk so i'm gonna have you

transfer it over there so i can actually check the computer so just give me one second okay

all right hurry up yeah maybe we could try and like not piss them off real quick like at least

five minutes we start fucking pissing them off you're profaning man it comes out in 90 seconds

these days they really isn't brown though i gotta say labia pink next labia labia black

stretch her out for a week browns already sorry about that what was the name again

it's labia red maybe a red okay call that for me please l-a-b-i-a red okay so it's not a

vowel spark color do you know who it's through um i don't know color they call international

color machine let me let me try my universal computer which has other

companies fan decks in it okay and let me see if I can pull it up that way okay

all right just let me put you on hold real quick because it's at the other

side of my desk and my phone doesn't travel that well I have a few can I

should I give them all to you or all the names and I can look them up all

while I'm there okay I've got pussy pink fever yellow

Yellow, Bear Brown, Stretch Mark Red.

You've got to be kidding me on these names, right?

No.

Brown Streak.

Okay.

Genocide Green, Red Rocket, Abortion Red, Negro Black, Areola Brown, Ejaculation White.

You realize those are not going to be in my color system, correct?

Well, I've got a few more.

Orange Orifice, Yellow Snow, Areola Yellow, Urine Yellow, Kaka Brown, K-A-K-A Brown.

come stain

starfish black and blue

discharge green

beef the color beef

we're on hold

she's gonna go check man

piece of shit would be a good one

I like your names man

they're very suggestive they're from the chat

I was reading everything in the chat

I was trying to get

the stupid Lowe's employee pink by acres

thanks everyone for

helping yeah the color beef

hey i was going to say when you get to the lowe's guy tell him the key says do not duplicate on it

too and you're gonna need a copy of that i'm gonna need to have you duplicate it no matter

what they don't have them when it says do not you have to actually duplicate brand on here

all you have to do is go to uh an actual legit hang up time other hang up song hello that was

was a nice ending to it i got some production going on water cream i like that one that's a

nice cup fish water cream you think word and things is open let's find out wood i'm sorry

wooden things why not do not do not oh i like the do not duplicate brand keys yeah exactly

What kind is it?

It's a Do Not Duplicate.

Yeah.

No, I was trying to say, Milkman, if you go to a key guy or whatever, a locksmith and

a locksmith and key maker, they can do it for you.

We can call it, here's a different Lowe's.

We'll ask them about the Do Not Duplicate.

But what, I mean, if you go to Lowe's or Walmart or something for this, they literally do not

have the blanks for it.

I mean, they'll tell you straight up, even if we wanted to, we can't.

But the guy told me

Oh yeah the locksmith

Down the road

And to the left

He'll do him

He doesn't give a shit

I'm like okay

Cool

Just tell him you need that brand

You're only looking

You need that brand

Tell him when it works

Thank you for calling Lowe's

Para instrucciones en espanol

Marquete

For directions to the store

Press 1

For store hours

Press 2

To reach a department

For information on delivery

Press 1

For scheduled installation

Hardware

Press 2

Commercial sales

Press 3. Appliances. Press 4. Lumber and building materials. Press 5. Flooring. Press 6. Hardware and tools. Press 7. Transferring to hardware and tools. Please hold.

Yeah, I need to make a key, and I have a question about making the key shit, motherfuckers.

All right, give me one second.

Pass them out that early, then I'm going to hit you.

I like tapping the fires.

I'm sick.

All right, but just do it once or so, but don't keep on doing it every other time and see if they catch it, because they will catch it.

I know, I know.

I know, you're right.

You're right.

You're my...

You're coaching me well.

No, no, because I know you're right.

You're right.

I shouldn't do it a lot.

But I do like to tap my hand on the phone.

Manager on duty, this is Jim speaking.

How may I help you?

Hey, Mod, how are you?

Hello?

Yeah, why am I talking to you, damn it?

I don't know.

All right, well.

What's it in reference to?

To the keys.

I want to copy keys.

To keys?

Yeah, I need to make sure you copy this type of key, this brand of key.

Oh, okay.

Probably because my guy in hardware is probably on his phone.

If you'll give me just a moment, I will run up there and take a look.

I don't know why you're picking up the phone, talking so loud into the phone.

To me, I don't appreciate that, especially if you can't help me.

I'm very sorry for that, sir.

I'm talking loud because I'm back in receiving in a loud environment.

And also because, to me, it's a very bad connection.

You're very, very faint to me.

Like you're very, very far away.

I'm sorry, honey.

I'm sorry, honey baby.

baby yes i'm sorry can you transfer me then to the key man tool man oh the the key man is is on

his phone that's why they sent you to me every call they send to me unless they ask for a manager

it's because that department is on their phone well can you write it and we don't want you to

get uh shut up shut up please please shut up can you just write down the name of the type of key

and inquire well i'm almost there i while we've been talking i've traveled halfway there shut up

please okay so you guys really should have segways that would make it a lot faster but

i wouldn't get as much exercise also i know you're kind of overweight too i mean i've seen you before

buddy all right so i am at the key machine and what type of key is it that we're looking to

copy uh milkman what kind is this do not duplicate brand do not duplicate i can't do if it's stamped

do not duplicate you'll have to go to a professional locksmith no it's not it's not

stamped that's the name of the brand it's from china it's called do not duplicate it's not the

it's not a note on there it's the actual name of the company we promise the actual name is do not

duplicate and we'll we'll give you yeah it's do not duplicate out of uh xiangdong china um we

We have a whole bunch of them.

Okay.

Unfortunately, if it says do not duplicate on it, I'm not going to be able to reproduce it.

I won't have a blank for that.

What I would recommend is Action Locksmiths.

They have the lowest prices from among the professional locksmiths.

Yeah, but, you know, I heard several people tell me that Ruber, that place, the guy that runs it,

um he likes to uh masturbate uh while he's making the keys and he looks like he he does it from the

waist down and you can't see it and he'll be there there's women getting keys asking for keys to get

made and while he's making it he makes it takes an extra long time doing it and he's masturbating

i have not heard that rumor yeah he's a sexual pervert yeah that's a and then that's a new one

on me um he asked there are other other locksmiths out there he asked my friend abel he he said to my

friend uh hey do you have underwear on he said like that totally inappropriate you know yeah

that would be um i would recommend then able locksmiths uh they uh they're also reputable

yeah they don't have they don't let you use their toilet they don't have public toilet there you

You know, and do you have that?

Right, I do have that, but I don't have the ability to duplicate keys that are do not duplicate.

Shut up, please.

Hey, Cross, hey, Cross, I marked out, I took a stamp and marked it out, the word not.

It says do duplicate.

This is the brand key, do duplicate.

All right, yeah, we have, he found some in the back.

He found some that are called do duplicate.

Yeah, I still won't, I won't be able to duplicate those.

it's gonna it's gonna require a blank that I don't have just a copy yeah

listen come on you guys have I need to pick up other stuff I need to pick up

plywood I need to pick up a 20 ounce bottle of water of Dasani you know I

need to pick up some fluorescent lights and I can't be going all over place to

do this I only you know I only want to write one check I don't want to waste a

check right I understand that and I wish there were a way I could help you

with that but let me use the you know i can only do the things that i can do let me use the key

machine let me use the key machine i used to i can't i can't let you can't let you use the key

machine yourself uh that we have rules that i operated one for that i operated one for safety

safety reasons and also because of the agreement with us and the people that own the machines

hillman there's no i ran hillman on the side i ran i ran hillman machines for two years i know

it's easy as hell uh it's it's basically like kindergarten where you just match the key in the

little things on the plastic and then if it sticks in all the way then you gets the code you get and

all you do is put it in close and hit a button and stand back safety my ass i used to use them

for two years with hillman is that we will only let our you got 16 16 year old stupids running

it that's what i'm saying don't be here putting on errors now i told you that these damn

keys say do duplicate on them and it's just a stamp they're regular yale keys okay i'm not

gonna let you curse at me one more of those situations somewhere else i'm cursing at the

situation i believe you but i believe you should chop somewhere else thank you my penis is out

somewhere else. You're not

welcome at this

level. My penis is out.

What the fuck was that?

Bass is how you feel inside.

Oh, shit. Whatever you do,

stay creative. Holy shit.

My penis is out.

That's a good title for the show.

Major contender now for title of the show.

Hey, look, number two

pencil, you got it, man. I'm cursing at the

situation. My penis is out.

It's totally logical what I

just said. Totally. Any

Any normal sane person would say something like that in their daily usage of their daily routine.

In that same situation.

I don't know, man.

What's wrong with that twisted mind, man?

But you sure are one funny dude in this situation.

You did pretty good with the do duplicate there.

I almost lost it right there.

You're like, dude, it says do duplicate.

Thank you for calling Lowe's.

The do not duplicate corporate

from China.

For directions to the store,

press 1.

Press 2 to reach a department

directly.

For information on delivery,

press 1.

For scheduled installations, press 2.

Commercial sales, press 3.

Appliances, 4.

Lumber and building materials, press 5.

Flooring, press 6.

Hardware and tools, press 7.

For more departments, press 8.

For millwork, press 1.

Paint, press 2.

Transferring to paint, please hold.

Yes, hi.

Can you do color matching on your paint machines?

As long as it's, uh, if you bring in something that's the size of a dime.

Yes, I do. Um, here you go. Go ahead. Can you go ahead and run this through?

I'm showing it to you now. Go ahead and take the scan and I'll order. I need five paint machines.

Hello? Hey, buddy.

Oh, sorry. Hello?

Yeah, I'm showing you the, I'm showing you the object to get scanned so that you can have the computer scan it and match the color.

And that you need to be in the store, correct?

uh well i have a camera phone there's a camera phone i have one of these camera phones now you

know so it's yeah i'm taking it now it has like a megapixel camera five megapixels seven something

like that one i can't do it off the phone it's a one gigs phone you know it has one gigs and one

ram and you need help with anything else well can you please scan the damn thing or no i mean

what's going on here you haven't you have to go down there you're slow you don't understand

No, I can scan it, but you need to be here at the paint desk for me to do that.

Well, can't you just look on the screen?

I mean, I'm showing it to you.

There is no screen.

It's a phone.

I have a screen on mine.

All the phones come with screens now and cameras.

Oh, sorry, sir.

I can't help you.

Who's that talking putting on airs?

What was that?

Who's that talking back there putting on airs?

Oh, that would be my associate.

Yeah, put him on the phone.

Put her on.

This is Wendy.

Hey, Wendy.

How you doing?

Good.

That's the name of a song.

You know, Wendy, her name is Wendy.

it's about her sucking dicks in public sucking dicks in the parking lot and all that stuff

that you can anyone can fuck her yes what the song's about gets blowed by wendy

like wendy's the girl i don't know whatever that song is everyone gets blowed by wendy yeah

and wendy has i gotta play that damn let me find i don't have it on my person i have to youtube it

Get a gold star in the chat, man

Everyone knows it's Wendy

You do, please

I got it, don't worry

Is it the association?

Is that correct?

I think it is

Is that the name of the group, association?

Yeah, association

So they did Along Comes Mary

One of my first records, dude, from the 60s

Like I was in kindergarten, man

Was that, had that song along with the association

Well, here we go

On final

Now we're playing this

Okay, moving right along then.

All right, here's someone selling firewood.

Give up on that.

I call the next one.

For an apartment.

Someone wants rabbits.

Hi, you looking for rabbits?

Yeah.

Are you going to hunt them and break their necks and everything, or what are you going to do?

I'll just raise rabbits.

Oh, yeah.

I like to pick them up by the ears and throw them all over the place.

I'm like, motherfucker, take that.

I throw them against the cages, and I'm like, I go up to him and go.

like that yeah and my wife said i'm violent too violent with the rabbits after last night i got

really drunk on cheap whiskey and i have about 50 rabbits back there and a nice rabbit cage and

stuff i was rearing them up and i got so mad at those motherfuckers i started breaking the cages

down and uh yeah i started ripping the cages off and the rabbits were like all running around and

then i was scared like that and then i i threw i started um pepper spraying them you know for no

reason yeah yeah and then i was gonna light the whole barn on fire and then my wife had to come

down she was like no don't do it don't do it you're gonna kill all the rabbits like that and

she uh pushed me and i made a molotov cocktail you know what that is i took a bottle a big bottle

and I filled it up with gasoline put a rag in it and I lit the rag on fire and I was gonna throw

it in the fucking uh barn where all the rabbit food and hay was for those motherfuckers um but

she was like no don't do it don't do it and she pushed me from behind to get me to stop

and it went flying and it it broke against one of the posts and the fire went everywhere but um I

I was, we were able to get the rabbits, the half of the rabbits out.

So I got about 50 of those motherfuckers left right now.

And I don't want these motherfuckers anymore.

I argue with them.

They're rude.

They're mean.

They're nasty.

I want them out.

I want these motherfuckers out before I really get mad.

Now, how much you want for them?

Uh, can you barter?

Do you have something to barter?

What do you mean?

Uh, do you have wife?

Uh.

Do you have a wife?

Yeah.

Um, do you have sex with her still?

Fuck you, you stupid son of a bitch.

I just want to watch.

That's it.

I watch.

That's it.

Fuck you.

Come on.

It'll be hot.

Don't you ever call me, you damn stupid bastard.

I'm not going to.

I'll mess your fucking brains out.

I'm not going to look at you.

I'm going to look at her the whole time, but I want to see you fuck her.

You were there.

I don't know where you live.

I took you out with a goddamn face, you stupid son of a bitch.

Fuck you, motherfucker.

I'll give you my address, 128 Horse Machine Ranch Road.

Oh.

Fuck you, motherfucker.

Kick your ass, man.

Motherfucker.

Fuck you, motherfucker.

They're like some motherfuckers I went to school with, man.

A bunch of fucking redneck cocksuckers.

Fuck you.

Fuck you, motherfucker.

God damn it, give me a break.

I don't take God darn it.

I ran from using the name of profanity.

I was just quoting what retard sick would say.

Yeah, that was good.

That was fun.

Put him on a recall at some point.

Hey.

I was telling you that before.

I got a heap of numbers showing up now, man.

What's that?

I got numbers.

Remember what we talked about earlier?

You got to get the numbers?

I got a heap of them already, man.

They're coming in.

Oh, cool.

What are they?

Taxi machines?

Uh-huh.

I knew it.

Oh, man.

You ever swallow?

You're inhaling your tobacco.

You know what I mean?

Mm-hmm.

I'm smoking some tobacco, and I swallowed it, and it got in my stomach, and I'm like,

bleh.

Burp?

yeah burp once already and smoke came out and this deuce chili feeling is in my stomach now

like i could throw up if i kept coughing excuse me all right well call another one of those oh

let's call that guy back but why not he didn't say not to call me motherfucker you hello

i was just calling about the rabbits there was a misunderstanding i'm sorry and i take that back

what i said i'm on a bad foot there i try to give him a little bit of time but now you you bastard

master keep that number for other purposes man he's pretty responsive yes he picks up the phone

that's all we're asking for really these days get someone looking for a john boat small mortar 25

hp with trailer jesus christ this guy's asking for a baby i see you're looking for a john boat

i gotta i need to get rid of it no we don't found one thanks you dumb bitch you said dude

We don't know anything

Yeah I'm sorry

Why did you hang up the phone god damn it

What's going on here

You call me at 1030 at night and you start cussing me you motherfucker

The cut off is

The cut off is 11 o'clock

What are you cussing about

Motherfucker

Yeah

No one is available to take your call

Please leave a message after the tone

Motherfucker

I like that it's on those one of those old tape answer machines so it plays it throughout the

house as we're saying shit as long as it had the volume up on it which you'd presumably like

fuck I like the I like the I like the mixer too that's nice addition man always ready the problem

The problem is it amplifies voice, so when I use it, I have to bring my volume down or it slows everything down.

Yeah, you got to be ready with the pot.

I know, man.

It's not perfect, but at least it's something.

You have to pot it down.

Yeah, but also it adds to the comedy, too.

You know, having the distortion, too, you know.

Yeah, that's part of it.

All right, apartment for rent on the second floor.

All has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

4-2-3-2-6-2-6-6.

Okay.

This person's name is Debbie.

Oh, okay.

Hey, check that message out.

Every time I hear that, I'll get it in a second.

Every time I hear the name Debbie, I just think of on a Howard Stern show,

some guy that was like, Debbie, oh, Debbie, one time.

I should leave that as a voicemail.

A little Debbie, a little Debbie.

I got that here.

Vinny Pavali.

You come in with the tapes, and I walk this down with that.

Everywhere.

Bad clan, Debbie.

And your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

4, 2, 3, 2, 6, 2, 6, 6, 4, 4.

is not available at the tone please record your message now i can't upload this before it's

edited sorry it sucks that this version that's on youtube it's they're talking and laughing over it

so quite can't use it it's really funny he's like oh debbie oh debbie you told me not to cut my

fingernails on anymore they're so long i scratched my balls i hurt my balls with them

about an hour ago i finished dubbing all the home movies

this past summer i think it's a pretty unusual way to start a video uh i'm scratching my balls

i'm scratching my balls debbie i'm scratching my balls while i'm beating a raccoon with a fungo bat

yeah you thought you were i'm going to take a wiffle ball bat and beat a puppy

debbie does this turn you on as i as i bludgeon a puppy

jesus christ that'd be kind of funny to break up and leave it for people named debbie

he just sees the guy saying a bunch of weird like he's kind of off the wall like you're

thinking man just out there dude i don't know where you come up with this he just comes out

out of space man i we wondered yeah let me see if this is it without people talking all right

let me get the vinnie's tapes real quick these are way more embarrassing narrows bridge to show

yeah same audio i've heard it before in serious where it's not edited where it's not talked over

it's really funny oh it's not narrated okay yeah but i see one more but i doubt it's it

yeah but anyway it's funny okay hey moving on sorry for stalling moving right along did you

Just check that message.

Okay, I'll check it.

UK Godfather sending numbers.

I'm going to presume they're taxis, right?

Dude, he confirmed them.

I don't know.

He's got a heap of them, man.

Send them to me, though.

The taxi, I don't know the taxi numbers.

They're kind of meh, but I'll do it.

Sure, I'll do it, buddy.

I'll do it.

When I get to talk to him, I'll tell him to send them in, man,

because it's like he wanted to do it through request to prank, but.

No, that's gone.

That's dead.

Dead and gone, man.

I didn't realize it got pulled.

I remember now that you'd mentioned that.

Yeah, Request a Prank.

There were talks of Request a Prank 2.0 coming out.

I don't know if that ever got implemented.

I think there is.

There is one.

I think there is a request page somewhere.

There is a request page somewhere.

Is it on PCN or something?

Because I didn't know where to tell him.

I don't think there's a link for it anymore.

I think you have to know it.

It might be prankcallnation.com slash request, I think.

Hey, there's another message for you here.

That's pretty funny.

he said somebody's calling out uk godfather in the chat hey well because his audio's you know

yeah let me see if if it's that hang on and i think you can like select who you want to send

it to but i've never gotten one off of there so okay read my note here man i want i wanted to

find out something okay okay all right no problem all right well anyway let me i'll let you know

as soon as you send me the numbers i'll send them to you okay okay in the meantime i'll do another

other prank and yes it is it is prank called nation.com slash request so there is a request

to prank and i am down there as a selection you can send to i don't know if i've ever received

one though okay hey we're calling alaska tonight by the way here is the only indian restaurant in

the city of anchorage alaska according to google thank you for calling the bombay deluxe indian

restaurant located at 555 west north of light for the ward between sea and arctic in the

If you have reached this recording during normal business hours and you would like to order pickup or delivery, please visit our website at bombaydeluxe.com to order.

Please visit our website.

Pickup, motherfucker.

Anchorage, what city is this?

Bombay, Curry, Skagoway.

I've never heard of Skagoway, Alaska.

The light boulevard between D and Arctic.

Alright, I guess not.

Here's the next one.

Indians don't take Sunday off for church.

Here's another one in Juneau.

hey honey baby are you an indian i an indian yeah because i need to order special authentic

indian foods and indians will make it for me yeah i need to ask an indian if they make this

certain food what are you looking for well is there an indian i can talk to or that you can ask

i'm native american no no from the country india you dope you're rude well fuck labia

okay my name is al labia all right so wait a minute is this is this like indian dot head

food any like like india food or like indian food i'm not gonna talk to you right now you're being

really rude it's just really inappropriate is it is it somebody is it 7-eleven is it 7-eleven

indian or alcoholic fire water indian goodbye sir okay bye honey is it 7-eleven indian or

Or fire water, alcoholic, alcoholic fire water.

Or reservation casino Indian.

Casino Indian.

That's a good one.

I offended her on two fronts, Milkman.

On her boss's front and her own front.

She can hit one side, she tries a duck, and you're coming from that side, too.

How dumb is she?

It's an Indian restaurant, and why would she ask, like, well, I'm Native American.

Like, is that what you're talking about?

Like, no, you dumbass.

I'm calling an Indian restaurant.

I'm talking Indian like India.

moron here she was really cute she was laughing she was like really cute about it man i was like

hey this is seriously offended very quickly i don't understand it man i could call indian

restaurants and ask if they have bison or those people who like you have buffalo like the real

they're east indians do you have buffalo because like west indians are people that work down in

You are correct, sir.

Can I help you?

Yeah, this is Indian food?

Yes.

Okay, I'd like to make an order, please.

Yes, go ahead, please.

Okay, I would like, let's see here, one buffalo.

One?

One buffalo.

We haven't know any buffalo, sir.

One corn maze, one maze.

No, this is Indian restaurant.

We haven't know any kind of food.

Do you have like a pumpkin soup, pumpkin squash?

sorry sir we have no any kind this is indian restaurant yeah india like you know like you

know like indian you know like cowboys and indians no i've never asked asked this before it's never

thought can i help you please i'd like to make an order bhenchod you want an indian restaurant

can i help you please i'd like to make an order please one fire water hold on for a second okay

Officer Sean Hawk, please.

Fucker.

Asshole.

Motherfucker.

Oh, yeah.

Never mind.

Prank request.

Just got a...

Okay.

The number should be coming in the prank request.

I'm telling you, I'm not sure if it's wired to come to me.

I'm...

Don't...

Oh.

Oh, okay.

That's what I'm saying.

We'll see if it comes to me.

I don't know if anyone ever has or if it works when it comes to me.

It's a test.

Yeah.

It's a test.

It says.

Or he could just send...

Copy, paste them to you.

I'm keeping UK Godfather at arm's length.

because of previous problems i'll have them on later we'll talk india hey baby how are you hey

you called a restaurant yeah i wanted to make an order okay what can i get for you okay uh let's

see one papa doms do

you have Lamb Rogan, Josh?

We do not.

Okay, do you have...

Oh, yes, we do.

Yes, we do.

I'll have one of those, please.

Would you like that mild, medium, or hot?

Hot.

Okay.

I'm glad you looked at it, dummy.

me um one chicken biryani do you have that yes okay one bhenchod i'm sorry i didn't hear that

last order bhenchod bhenchod is there an indian there that works there actual indian yes but i'm

what let's just tell me what that is and then i can can you just i don't know what it's called

in indian it's bhenchod but there's a different english name but it's quite common can you go and

ask him real quick or whoever him or her whoever's indian speaking there um if they can make bench

chod we want me to spell it yeah okay go ahead it's b-a-h-n-c-h-o-d okay thanks hold on thanks

Yeah, how you doing boy? Good good. Good. All right, you little monkey

Um, can I see if you can make bhenchod bhenchod? Hey, you understand evangel?

What?

You understand?

This is a bad word.

What about madarchod?

Just ask your mom.

Do you have mother for me, the chod?

No, your mom died.

You tell me and ask your mom.

Well, bring your mom and sisters in front of me.

I fuck them all.

Who is you?

Give me your number, one second.

No, no, no, come on.

No, please, no.

No.

There is no number.

You dumb bitch.

I don't understand.

He understands.

So we don't have it.

I don't know.

He doesn't know.

Okay.

Can I call you back?

We're going to see if we can figure it out.

He was cursing at me.

He's a motherfucker, you know?

Yeah, I'm really sorry.

I'm not actually sure what's going on.

If you would like us to make you some food, I'm happy to do it.

i don't think whatever bench hut is we can't do it can you just ask him real quick if he can make

matter chad matter m-a-d-e-r chad that might matter um i'm sorry if it's not on our menu we

can't what about gandu i understand gandu thing i am not listening to you right now i'm trying

to figure this out i'm sorry i it's not okay but he's also a customer so i'm going to be

be okay but you cannot tell me what to do hi um so can you ask him gandu g-a-n-d-u and then that's

the last one so we if it's not on our menu we can't do it for you well that yeah our menu that's

unfortunate that's unfortunate that he had to be like that so angry because he just had to answer

some questions my goodness so if you would like your order i'm happy to do it for you if you

wouldn't then um there are other indian foods in towns that i'm sure could accommodate you okay

well i think that's do you have then whatever we left that that should be good so it's papadum

lamb rogan josh and chicken biryani yeah spicy lamb rogan josh right okay about how long will

that be it'll be 10 15 minutes okay all right i'll be there thank you very much what is your name

uh my name is gandu all right and a phone number it's uh two two one two oh one five um is that

503 area code yes all right okay thank you we will see you in 15 minutes thank you very much

you've been wonderful thank you bye bye cool we'll call back and he'll be really pissed off

that was fucking awesome did you hear the background talk yes i can't wait to hear this

oh my god dude that was really good this is the way he watched it she's trying to shut up i can't

hear what he's saying i understand but i'm not listening to you right now this is a customer

he's like i don't want customer like that you said bad words that is but it's like there you

go now kids now you see why you're speaking with the master if you're hearing this right now you've

just heard the master pull his tray man oh man lord mercy never there's never gonna be an end

to the new things you come up with listen we gotta call that place back in 15 i'll wait until 20 20

minutes from now let's make sure it's nice and ready and warm all right so i'm gonna mark that

down so stupid okay going back to the swap shop let's see if there's anything else there we got

a male blue tick beetle beagle beetle 10 months old blue tick i'm gonna accuse him of having

ticks on the dog ah hey you got some blue tick beagle what now you got some blue tick beagle

males uh no dunes old well you then why you do that you call that back son of a

blue ticks oh you're calling redneck country there boy please leave your message for four

All right, fine, fine.

Done sold.

He said, do what?

Do what now?

I'm sure Matt will listen to that at some point if he's not now.

Town houses, I'm not interested in that.

I don't know what I deal with.

I want the house and the house.

We got a horsepower electric motor.

One horsepower.

One horsepower?

Why would anyone need a one horsepower motor, Milkman?

You could use that for a trolling motor or something like that.

I mean, is that like an electric motor?

Electric, yeah.

This is gas.

One horsepower gas motor.

Yeah, there is.

how much is a horsepower how much is a horsepower dc power you run off a battery and you can do it

in a bass what's a horsepower yeah how strong is a horsepower oh that's a lot of watts i forget

360 watts i don't remember motherfucker hello hello hey boy he picked it up left it off the

hook i'm not using skype so i can't just leave them on like i used to you got a toolbox busy

Busy machine.

Fade female blue healer dog, I guess.

I guess he heals.

Sounds like a redneck-esque dog, too.

Blue.

Any dog breed that has blue in its name is really probably redneck dog.

What kind of blue is it?

Blue healer.

Female blue healer.

Okay, that dog runs by your heel.

Okay.

Like a small dog machine?

Me.

Let me see.

Maybe.

I'm asking.

It's an Australian cattle day.

Hey, you got an Australian cattle dog?

A female spade?

Come on.

The call has been forwarded to an automatic...

Well, she ain't going to sell that dog.

She's probably busy riding it right now, so...

You know what that means.

Try one more of these.

The one here has a granite dining room table.

Sounds heavy.

42 by 66 granite.

Damn.

Yeah, he says very heavy and solid table.

What I don't like about granite is, especially on a table, and especially this time of year,

man, if you go to sit at a granite or a hardtop table, they are so cold when you put your

arms down on them.

Those motherfuckers cold as shit, dude.

That's a slab of rock.

Oh my God.

It's like a slab of ice when it's cold out, dude.

It sucked.

I remember when I had to take the science classes in high school, we had a brand new

high school and they put like this it wasn't granite but it was kind of like that like like

just like a hard uh rocky material substance it was you know polished just like granite and

dude like in the winter months it would be so fucking cold and you just want to sit there put

your arm up or whatever and it was just like it's like putting your arm on ice it sucked

anyway granite oh yeah and dude if you get that shit hot it holds you now it looks really nice

yeah because you think about it you know it's been it wasn't it came from a mountain and it

It grew over millions of years.

All these patterns.

It's really kind of cool.

It's the type of volcanic rock that floats.

It's granite.

Granite?

It's what made the land masses.

It actually floated up on the pool of lava, and that's why we got granite.

It floated in lava.

Hello?

Hello.

Hey, how you doing, buddy?

All right.

I see that you put that ad out.

You got a granite dining room table.

Mm-hmm.

We were just talking about it.

Milkman, what is it?

it it's the fur the the rock that floated from the lava milk all the ball yeah the volcanic type of

rock that floated on the on the primordial pool of lava that's the granite and that's why it became

the bedrock for you know our foundation for all land masses yeah a mountain so that interest that

shit probably came from a fucking mountain right sir whatever fuck you whatever i don't give a fuck

Expensive.

sells it you gotta find out and sell that shit or not or you just gonna hang up yeah the ad said

700 new and he's asking 300 obo obo i got 300 obo ask for the 20 will cover that's liver

that fucker's gonna be heavy okay this here is well i'm not doing any more of these for now

that's right moving back but hey we learned what uh a blue healer is

so we're about another 10 minutes from calling back that indian place about the

food that i ordered 12 minutes and 20 seconds 12 minutes 20 seconds okay anyway um i'm not

gonna call any more indian for now because we're gonna have another indian call here

soon hopefully that will be good hopefully the gentleman will be mad enough to get on the phone

Oh, are there Walmarts in Alaska?

I'm sure there are.

That's Walmart.

They even got them in the UK, dude.

Woo!

Did you see that huge-ass turkey that AMD had for Christmas, man?

No.

That was that gigantic turkey from Walmart in the UK.

Man, this thing was a fucking monster.

It almost didn't fit in the oven.

I like how the UK is slowly starting, like lately,

has been slowly starting to adapt to the American customs on the holidays.

The Black Friday thing was big this year there.

there and yeah i don't know they didn't eat turkeys before for christmas did they yeah they

did because i remember in uh the story of scrooge whatever what is that story mr scrooge christmas

carol yeah christmas carol they had a turkey at least the disney version had a big turkey

and that's accurate hey honey baby how are you hi okay uh yeah i need to talk about television

clothing vision including no television clothing okay yeah it's the clothing you put on the

television uh-huh yeah um what is that television clothing what is television clothing it's clothing

it goes on the television okay um is there a reason you're speaking so monotone like that

do you have problem no uh have you thought of like hurting yourself or something are you being

serious yeah television clothing um you mean like the stuff they show on tv what do you mean the

stuff they show on tv like the scene on tv stuff i've seen on tv stuff no no television clothing

oh okay i'm sorry i don't think we have that well can you put me through the electronics you

ditch you dummy you hello hello thank you electronics hey how you doing i need to get

some television clothing groceries some what television radio clothing groceries electronics

what is that um it all goes together the television clothing goes on the television

the groceries goes next to electronics that doesn't exist yeah it does you guys have it

there i just saw it there uh two days ago oh unless we gotta talk then you must be a dumb

ignorant then hang up the phone thanks i command you to hang up man people in alaska sure

are like at least a walmart's like okay sorry yes sir answering that smart style here could

probably close for a lane is there a target in the last oh i bet there is in seven minutes and

six seconds uh yeah we got seven six left okay keep me advised on the time situation please

usl thank you for calling the anchorage south target store our normal store business hours

are Monday through Saturday 8 a.m. to 11 p.m. and Sunday 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. It's located at the

southeast corner of C Street and 100th. Stay on the line while your call is transferred to the

operator. I should have bought another Coke Zero for tonight. Hey sexy how you doing? I'm doing

great sir how are you? Oh good I need one uh I need to make an order. Make an order? Yeah one

one television okay hold on sir are you looking for what item television clothing oh sorry we

don't do order by the phone but i need to talk to someone about it stupid no no no don't hang

did you say the word f the f word like s as in what did you say hello s as in what s as in

sunrise or f as in uh refrigerator i don't know sir what you're saying oh stupid like stupid you

you mean yeah that's what you said right um it might have sounded like you are the ass okay

you are the shit anything else motherfucker shit pussy vagina you are the ass fuck was that

five minutes remaining okay thank you i am the s thank you for calling the anchorage south target

store arm please stay on the line while your call is transferred to the operator hello yes hi i am

MDS. Can you please transfer me into

electronics? Come on, man.

I'll have to call a different one now.

She doesn't like me. Maybe you have the S.

How much time left, Milkman?

Four minutes and seven seconds.

There's a different target.

You're called out. It's talking to me.

Thank you for calling the Anchorage

Northeast Target Store.

Our normal store business hours are

Monday through Friday, 8 a.m.

to 11 p.m. You entered an

invalid extension. For the pharmacy,

Press 1. For electronics, press 4. For the photo lab, press 5. To speak to the store operator, please wait or press 0.

I did press 0, motherfucker.

Please stay on the line while your call is transferred to the operator.

Can you perform 30? Can I help you find something?

Yeah, I can. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you can help me.

How can I help you?

I need the picture machine.

Okay, hang on just a moment, okay?

Stupid. You heard her.

She doesn't do the police.

east call me bad word bad word i don't like you saying bad word yeah how can i help you yes hello

i am mr s i like to order one pictures one picture you want to order pictures one pictures yes i need

nice pictures with like uh friendly people um preferably hispanic like white hispanic i need

it to look good i'm going to be putting them up inside my office and inside my home i need some

pictures it looks like i have you know friends and family and stuff you want to order pictures

yeah whatever you got there whatever can i look at some of the pictures you have and i can order

copies of them only well you have to come in and order two pictures you know what i mean to print

pictures off you don't take pictures but i want to look at the other people's pictures and um yeah

we have other people's pictures here okay and i'll make copies of them you want me to make copies of

of them you know the nice ones nice pictures you can't do that why not because we have to um

i don't think i can i can ask my manager don't ask don't ask we don't have to ask anyone come

on i'll give you some i know things like this can be arranged sometimes right 45 um not that i know

of huh give me give me one second 30 seconds remaining thank you computer i'll just call back

back now milkman if we're within 30 seconds remaining all right we'll do it right on time

10 seconds remaining we'll count down more let's see five four three two one it's time to call in

check on your order of banjo kelly yeah i called to make an order earlier i wanted to check to see

if it was ready for me to pick up yeah we're not gonna make your order why didn't you call me back

to let me know all right i'm gonna go now you're a stupid bitch oh all that preparation and planning

she must have she was like really understood now what was going on she was really yeah you hear

how down her voice was yeah i don't want to deal with this this is verbal harassment

boss is saying

so you say like do you understand what's happening do you understand she said yes but no she didn't

she was so kind of mean him too she was like look i i just i'm not listening to you right now

i love that part that was great definitely a good prank definitely a keeper there

the background was perfect that's why i was in real quiet view that man there's no way

thank you for calling the anchorage northeast target store

please stay on the line while your call is transferred to the operator

help you hi how you doing honey hi i'm do you have alabia alabia do you have that there let me verify

right now and just target that one moment please yeah a l no no it's just l-a-b-i-a labia are you

looking on a tablet or what are you doing you have a phone with this you have a phone with a viewer

is this your cell phone what do you i'm confused yes the cell phone the target app oh because it

It goes by different names.

Can you, like, do, like, a search, a Google search,

see if you can find, like, an alternate name for it?

I can't do that right now, but...

Just please, because I really need this, okay?

I'm in need of a labia.

Like, I could use a paralabia.

Maybe she figured it out for me.

That's so dude.

It's

funny people don't ever listen, I mean, this is what this is like a textbook example

Like all my people do not listen to what you say to pick up the phone. They don't listen what you're saying

This is why American service suck. Do I hate it?

Customer service the shit is horrible man. Why they will listen just having some

Some selection issues here.

I'm fixing it right now.

I'm using a new mouse and keyboard for the show, so I'm excited about that.

But there's a learning curve.

What?

Message.

Welcome to Kohl's in Anchorage.

We will be closing at 9 p.m.

And we'll be opening again tomorrow at 9 a.m.

To speak with the department associates, press 3.

For directions to the store, press 4.

For Kohl's Credit Center, press 5.

For all other questions, press 6.

No, 6.

Transferring.

Please hold.

Zero.

I hope it works, too.

On these walls.

We're calling Anchorage Calls, where you can expect great things.

Hey.

This is Vanessa.

Can I help you?

Hey, how you doing, sexy Vanessa?

What do you need?

Can you check the action in the bathroom?

Go in there.

Well, I'm in my car.

I don't want to go in.

It's just a long walk over there.

I've got a healing ankle.

cool you would like me to go into the women's restroom know the men's

restroom and see if there's any glory hole action right now if any of the guys

are in there the regulars I cannot go into the men's fitting room can you have

a man do it let me like to talk to my manager hold on okay

Thank you for holding.

I'm going to help you.

Hey, how are you doing?

Good.

How are you?

Okay.

Mr.

Can you help me out?

Okay.

I can send a male associate there for you.

Before you do that, I need to explain because it needs to be handled.

Okay.

So, I don't know if you know, but your bathroom is highly rated for casual male sex on a few

websites it's one of the local um cruising spots okay yeah i didn't know yeah uh and there's like

there's the regulars that come in every day after work or lunch it's a whole schedule um but anyway

so i was there getting some that sunday action and i was on my knees and i had my uh thing my

private parts under the divider and the other guy was performing on me and then he actually like

plant my private parts to the other side okay and i can't reach over to unplant my testicles

and like the cocaine that i was taking it's starting to wear off so it's starting to really

hurt and i'm seeing a lot of bruising where my penis thing is can you send someone here to help

Can you help me out with my penis?

Yeah, hold on one sec.

Stars make love to the universe

And you touch me

Oh, I wasn't aware of that.

And I'm like, and I'm like

Wherever you go

I'm here for a second to see if she picks up.

But fuck that music.

What have you got on the L Word channel, dude?

Are you gonna still be in the bathroom or are you coming out now?

I don't hear the echo.

I'm in the bathroom.

Do you want to do a head flip?

Well, that'll do it.

That'll do it.

That's a little bit of a...

Hey, you know, like, somebody, like, trying to do a new table, man.

What's that?

It's like a little affair.

Hey, Swap is getting mouthy in here.

He thinks I'm in the bathroom and I'm the one trying to do it.

I didn't do it.

No.

Talk about Swap.

He's more sensitive.

That Swap, you did it.

That's right.

You see?

Don't blame me.

Hey, let's go.

Hey, he's on.

I, like, how do they, like, round off the edge of the...

Anchorage, we will be closing at 9.

Please hold.

I'm calling Coles. My name is Jarena. How can I help you?

Yeah, hi. I was calling from the bathroom.

Okay.

Did the manager get someone here because I'm stuck with my penis?

Someone put a practical joke on me in the bathroom and I can't move it.

I was dispensed from the other side.

And you're inside our bathroom in Coles?

Hey, can you help me?

Okay, okay. We'll send somebody over, okay?

enough of that oh that's pretty good dude that other dude just ignored you man that's so classic

man it's so typical that was nice sir it'd be nice like who's left your fucking clamp there

dude it's heartless at least went kicked in the nuts so you wouldn't think about the clamp

that was something else one in milkman all right let's see what else we got here sports authority

this is the most luxurious bathroom i've seen in a while dude thanks for bringing me in man

i remember in 99 there was a sports authority that opened once and i lived next to the mall

and it was massive and they couldn't support

the sales. Thank you for calling sports

authority.

They had

interactive game booths and stuff like that.

We are currently closed.

This place had interactive

game booths and stuff like you could

play hockey, you could do like the basketball

you know the arcade basketball

game was there.

They had like fishing poles you could test them out

like they were already rigged up and they had like a

weight on them and you could fling them and test them out

and stuff like kind of practice fishing.

Oh, it was really cool.

But that clip, it's crazy.

That store didn't, I mean, they're still around, but they're not as big.

They don't have as big of a price.

Dude, they're a fucking monster building out here.

They got like these bikes.

They got like three and four seats on.

They got fucking everything out there.

All kinds of camping shit, you know, just whatever you want.

It's out there, man.

Dude, but you know what I like is the fucking like the Bass World, and there's a few other

ones.

There's like Gander Mountain.

I love Cabela's.

It's one of my favorites.

Cabela's, yeah.

Those places are fucking awesome.

them they go in there you can just fucking look at the boats bass pro you can go on the boats and

you can look at all the lures you ever see the gun prices there yeah emo price oh shit no is that

are they expensive there or something no no they're fucking bought a rock bottom quality

shit mossberg all kind of shit you can get there man oh it's good stuff man very good prices

really fuck yeah that's a great hunting schools man for the walmart guns where am i remember when

when i went to you remember when i went to uh denver and i got really sick yeah remember i

was calling you from the sides of those those buildings i was working on yeah yeah it was

when tuck was doing the show then i think i had tuck was watching the show while i was out okay

i went that gander went to that abella school there and i still got the under armor i bought

the shit like that real tree and they got a zipper one and it's like the only place i ever

seen it was there i don't think i don't have it on the record under armor site that son of a

It's so comfortable, stays warm and thin and light, and you never, even if you sweat, like when I'm outside and stuff, I wear it.

Roadhouse and Anchorage, home of the fall-off-the-bone ribs, party handcuffs, steaks, ice-cold beer, and legendary margaritas.

As of operation, four directions, press one.

For information on our call-ahead seating program, press two.

All other calls, three.

I'm in Chicania. How may I help you?

Oh, yeah. Hi. How are you?

I'm sorry?

How you doing?

on um just none of your business uh this is the place where you throw the stuff on the floor right

yes all right can i throw my plates on the floor too i like to throw my plates on the floor and my

cups when i'm done with them when i need to refill i just throw it on the floor hello

um let me put you on hold for one second okay bitch i could she's got a ass i shouldn't say

bitch i'm one of the service managers you have some questions for us um well yeah maybe is there

a man i can talk to or i'm i'm sorry a man yeah the service managers i'm the one in charge tonight

i can't help you out that's nice honey uh we can i'm sorry that's nice honey that you're in charge

we can try but i don't have a lot of faith but we can try now what did you just say we can try honey

we can try okay to a man and not a woman uh well you know woman inferior managers sometimes and

they don't get it they don't understand some things okay well i'm manager in charge right now

okay that's nice honey that's very nice honey okay well can you hold on one moment i can't

hear you i need to go somewhere a little quieter okay okay sweetie hey how you doing honey is there

a messity else that you wanted to talk um well i just wanted to make sure i could make arrangements

to come down there i like to this is the place you throw all the stuff on the floor right i mean if

you mean we have peanut shells on the floor from the tables yes whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa because

because that was at the Texas Roadhouse in Los Angeles,

and they kicked me out because I was done with the peanut shells.

I had a big stack of them, and I threw them on the ground,

and someone slipped and everything, and the guy got really mad.

He was like, you motherfucker, like that he said to me,

and I was throwing peanut shells out at the other customers and their food.

I started a peanut shell fight, and then I was like, well,

I was done with my meal, and I just swept the table with my arm

you know for the four of us and all the plates and cut and glasses went on the ground well that

yeah i mean that probably sounds like a justified reason to get a little angry i mean peanut shells

are one thing but plates and stuff is a different thing but if that happened in california you know

that's kind of out of my hands yeah but i don't want to come here and have this problem with you

people you know like whenever you want to come to my restaurant and throw my plates on the floor

well i'm done because you throw everything on the ground like you guys sweep it up and everything

at the end i thought that was what this is okay well i'm just a little confused as to what you're

actually asking me well you throw the peanut shells you throw your the garbage on the floor

there right we throw peanut shells yes like when i'm done with my um when i need a refill on my

drink i can just pick up the glass and throw it on the ground so they the way you this is this

is definitely out of line i'm not sure what you're trying to ask me here is there you have a problem

with the peanut shells on the floor no i don't have a problem i love the peanuts yeah i love okay so

So do you throw your trash and plates and cups and stuff on the floor at your own house?

Well, man, with all due respect, I don't throw my penis shells either.

Okay, so if not what you like to do, then, I mean, you're not forced to come and eat here by any means.

Oh, no.

Yeah, but you can't keep me from eating there.

That's the other...

Yeah, you're absolutely right.

Are you coming in tonight?

I'd love to, but I don't know about this attitude.

Maybe I should come when there's a male who's running the place, you know?

Okay, so you don't want to speak to a female that's in charge?

well because you know you see how you're not understanding things like they need to be done

you know i'm just i'm not sure do you want me to not have people throw peanut shells on the floor

is that no no no no i just need to be able to you know make sure that when i come in when i'm done

with my when i need a refill on the drink i just toss it up in the air as high as i can um when

i'm done with the plate i just throw like a frisbee if i want you know um okay well you're

You're going to just have to hold on one more moment for me, okay?

Do you have wooden...

Please hold.

Are your walls wooden?

Please, I'm going to...

No, I'm going to go try to find somebody else that can talk to you, okay?

I hope it's a man.

Just give me one moment.

I hope it's a man.

Or you got peanut allergies.

No, they deal with that.

They say, get the fuck out, man.

You got peanut allergies?

Fuck you.

That's like if you weigh 400 pounds and you went right on Carnival Road.

It's like, fuck you, you can't.

That'd be funny if you told, fuck you.

Fuck you, you can't.

hold out for this right here i do i want to actually does yeah i think she's going for it

the line didn't drop because if i call back it's going to be the really loud shit i got to track

her down yeah try and hold on let's just see i'm gonna get something to eat i'm on

i wish i could still connect someone else be just fine call someone else

oh shit that will be funny i'll just hang up i don't care anymore i don't care about the

what's that sir hello man go ahead oh i said oh you said you can't do that i said just get

another laptop that'll solve it let's see famous footwear still open may still be open chat room

having a discussion about the n64 the good games in my opinion let me think what were the good

games on n62s all the games uh i like mario kart 64 was my favorite yeah mario kart was 64 is really

good um mario the mario 64 was really good because it was really groundbreaking um didn't

Yeah, it wouldn't have Smash Brothers.

It had the first Smash Brothers, yeah.

That one, I like that one, too.

Golden Eye, for sure.

Golden Eye.

Oh, that's right.

Golden Eye.

I forgot about that.

Yeah.

I think that's it for me.

Maybe Star Fox.

Maybe I own Star Fox with the Rumble Pack.

That's cool because it was the first Rumble controller like that.

It was a big one.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The do-do-do.

Yeah.

It had the two batteries in it.

I remember I had that.

That was cool.

Yeah, that was innovative.

I think that's it.

but it looked so much more crisp than anything you'd seen before it was tight compared to

anything else time yeah there's no street fighter and it's just saying stuff that doesn't count like

sonic the hedgehog superman 64 was awful no you got not gonna talk to you guys anymore rogue

squadron was good that's right i didn't remember that you could take advantage of that i remember

turoc how shitty it was and i kept trying to convince myself it was good was horrible yeah

i bought it and i was like oh this is good this is good and it was really really shitty

it was you just running around and finding random yeah raptors like random dinosaurs to

hit with an arrow and it would the cool thing was that they would fight the enemies would fight each

other sometimes like whoa the game was fucking shit i got really into the mission impossible

game which was delayed it was supposed to be a launch fucking title in 96 and it got delayed

so much it didn't come out until 99 i think maybe 98 banjo kazooie i hadn't heard that name

ever dude i forgot about that stupid game yeah i got tired of the rare games and then um like

after they started all looking the same and then i never got a place to play a chance to play

conqueror's bad fur day on n64 but i played it on my uh wasn't there a castlevania title on there

yeah it was shitty but um there was uh i had a xbox i had one of those original xboxes that was

modded so i could play emulated games and i played uh conqueror's bad fur day on that

and i had a fun time that game is freaking hilarious they need to make a reboot or a

sequel to conqueror's bad fur day man because that game it had cursing in it it had and

all this yeah oh yeah dude yeah there was in it there was boobs in it hard it was hard as

fuck too but

basically what happened was rare

rare was the one the

they were the guys that were making these

kind of games there were the

not first party but like

directs I guess second party would call

game developer with

Nintendo so they were getting all the Nintendo

franchises and stuff well I guess they were the

first party developer anyway they so

they did like Donkey Kong 64 and

Super Mario 64 and the two Zelda games

everything kept coming out Banjo

kazooie and banjo tooey they were all like the same thing just a little bit different so uh they

were working on conqueror's bad fur day for a while and nintendo came to them and says no we

can't do this anymore we can't do like you know just just don't do the same game anymore

it's it's too much you know the people are the industry's complaining so they instead they made

it like the raunchiest game that they could make and then and nintendo said all right sure

Sure, yeah, you can release it. Fuck it.

I mean, we've put so much money into this.

I mean, it was in development for like a good

three years plus, I think, by Rare.

I've never even heard of this. This sounds funny.

Yeah, Conker's Bad Fur Day is fucking

awesome, dude. You can actually just watch the...

You've got it on emulator now? Yeah, yeah.

An N64 emulator. You can watch it. If you go to YouTube,

you can see people playing it. You can watch people

play it through the whole way.

It's fucking hilarious. There's a whole big mountain of poop

and you're swimming in the sewer.

There's toilet water shit. What?

No way. Did you see this?

yeah dude yeah i'm serious it's like the raunch is fucking i can't believe that's on nintendo no

fucking way it was on n64 came out like in 98 99 i think or something was fucking great and it was

just a one and only one and offer huh it was the only time they made yeah and they re-released it

they they re-released the same game with a jump in graphics but the same exact game and plot on

xbox on the xbox 360 i think or i think you can still get it on the xbox network um i think you

how that works but um it was re-released at some point maybe a few years ago but it wasn't a sequel

the sequel the reboot is what needs to happen that game was fucking awesome okay okay all right no

more n64 all right dude zelda that's our tech talk game talk for the minute yeah zelda was fun

too i can't remember what it was like on that though n64 zelda was good they were what you can

what you could tell was that they were trying to be final fantasy 7 as hard as they could they

were trying to prove you can do final fantasy 7 like graphics on the n64 look and it didn't look

this it was but it was below final fantasy 7's uh graphics on the playstation and at that point

final fantasy 8 was about six seven months away from being released and it was a huge jump over

the final fantasy 7 graphics and i was always a fan of piano and jazz and shit but that yeah

see him actually do that nintendo's gamble with that fucking going staying with cartridges instead

of uh discs was such a bonehead move that they shot themselves in the foot that's what really

what do they do with we now i don't even know you're gonna buy them online or something well

we i mean apparently like the new it's the wii u now and yeah you can buy the games themselves

they have like all the games online a lot of the older games are there optical or is it is it like

a rom or what is it it's an optical disc yeah but you can buy games online you can buy like

a lot of the classic and 60 the classic nintendo games and the classic sega games i think you can

it's on some kind of special blu-ray i think it's a small blu-ray it's special okay it's a special

disc okay yeah that way it can't be pirated easily yeah right i think it's still piratable but i

don't know yeah it's harder yeah it's harder i mean there's good games on it it's the nintendo

no games that are really good like the the new smash brothers is really cool i was watching

twitch i was watching that being played it was awesome the new one is yeah so many characters

and from like pac-man's a fucking character milkman like you can be pac-man um it can be

sonic the hedgehog fighting mario if you want yeah really yeah oh yeah it's fucking crazy yeah

it's like donkey kong they opened it up that's cool they got like donkey kong diddy kong they

They got all the fucking dudes, Fox McCloud's in there.

I think there's an evil Fox McCloud or a dark Fox McCloud, et cetera, et cetera.

Okay, moving on.

We must prank.

Here is faux Saigon.

Let's make fun of the way they call that dish.

Four, four, four.

How do you feel about our giant sips?

Fuck that shit.

Everyone's playing.

Is Saigon still going to watch KDK?

It sounds like crap.

I don't know.

Stop playing that goddamn song.

I think your only other person would know it would be Nino.

He was the original troll, man.

That's fucking boring.

He was the original child.

Yeah, he was the first one.

And the funny thing was he actually, deep down, he was actually kind of cool.

He was.

Hello?

Yeah, is this full?

Hi.

Is this full?

This is for Saigon.

We're close and ready.

I want to make an order, please.

We're close and ready, sir.

No, make me full, full, full.

Full, full, full.

Full, full.

Who the fuck are you?

Didi Mao?

Hello?

Dinky Dow, huh?

You, Dinky Dow?

What's the matter with you?

We're close and ready.

Yeah, fuck you then, stupid motherfucker.

Go to hell, motherfucker.

Shit, yeah.

Just wanted to get him off the phone.

Figured I'd see if he'd yell at me.

If not, I was going to go, oh, I hung up on accident.

Hey, honey baby, how are you? What did you say? This is Cold Stone

stone creamery marble cold marble stone marble slab cold marble slab cold stone marble right

cold stone marble this is marble slab can i make an order please i need one uh ice creams um you

actually have to come in and order no no fuck that fuck that shit put it in the fridge motherfucker

okay all right one ice creams huh one ice cream you have to come in no i said shit damn it one

One ice cream.

You have to come in, sir.

Please.

Please come.

Please get for me.

No, you have to come in.

It's a regulation.

Please, honey.

Please.

Hi.

Come on.

I'll suck your dick.

No.

I can't suck your dick.

Do you have a big clit?

Huh?

Do you have a big clit?

All right.

Bye.

Cold stone slab.

I think you have to go with the cold clit, too.

You're not too thin, right?

She said, granite?

That doesn't float on top of volcanic.

Granite slab.

working by next week the next show might be working again you guys are gonna see less of me

it's over party's over carlito's gone i only worked three months in the year 2014

not crazy three months that's fucking crazy you've been doing a awesome change your career

hey honey how you doing john honey doing pretty good i'd like to make an order

uh catering order or no a fucking sandwich order okay what kind of sandwich would you like sir i

I need one bread.

What kind of bread, sir?

Baked with heat.

Okay, sir.

Yeah, hi.

What can I get for you, sir?

I need to order a sandwich machine.

What kind of sandwich, sir?

One bread.

What kind of bread, sir?

Cooked, baked bread, rather.

Baked.

We're hearing you, sir.

Sorry, what was that?

The baked bread, the baked bread that you bake there.

All the bread is baked, sir?

Yeah, exactly.

I need the baked bread.

So would you like Italian, wheat, honey, or cheese?

I don't need any upgrades to the bread.

i just want the regular bread you know no with no upgrades it bread is the same price sir okay um

yeah but no upgrades no italian whatever you know i don't need that okay so just regular white bread

then well whatever color yeah just bread all right um what kind of sandwich what kind of meat would

you like i need one meat one meat one meat sir what turkey we have ham what kind of meat would

you like sir cold meat cold sandwich meat you would like the cold cut combo no sandwich meats

we have a lot of different sandwich meats sir okay i'll take them we have kind of meat sir

sandwich meat sir well i'm gonna have to ask you to come in and get your sandwich no no no no no

no no no no no no no yeah yeah yeah no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

vacuuming back there

it was a prank of course you need to see if game stops open you know speaking of sport authority

already taken a back seat in their

prevalence, so at least in my opinion,

GameStop has increased. There's a GameStop everywhere.

They're like the McDonald's game.

What about dicks? Have you seen dicks like

Sporting Goods? Yeah, they got them here in Pennsylvania.

And they didn't have them in Florida,

so when I saw them, I was like, uh, dicks, uh.

They got tons of them around here.

And they're big, too. Big dicks.

We just got small dicks around here.

Hey, fuck, how you doing?

I'm okay. Can I help you with something today?

I'd like to see if you have this goddamn game in.

Unfortunately, we closed at 7 a.m. and all my

my computer's down so unfortunately i can't can you just look on the show i mean i can't do like

i'm honestly out the door right come on motherfucker dude i was here lazy fuck he wasn't pleased

trying to sneak out the door well if i'm calling alaska in their clothes alaska is

is alaska behind or ahead of hawaii remind me it's behind right oh they're behind they're behind

Hawaii's further away.

Give me a second.

I got it.

I'm looking for GameStop in Hawaii.

It's hurt.

708.

Anchorage is...

We're breaking up.

Anchorage, 8 o'clock.

Oh, okay.

So they're...

Okay, good, good.

Honolulu is 7.

That's good.

Radio Shack, yeah.

Yeah, Radio Shack ought to be fun

because people are trying to put them to be bankrupt this year.

Dude, they've been hitting miracles

in order to keep cash flowing in

to keep their uh their vendors on at bay or their suppliers rather but they're just about out of

luck now i like radio shack man but you know it's gonna go the way they they made a lot of mistakes

you can't it's it's yeah yeah i know when you look at so many others you understand man whenever i

was a kid i didn't have electronics and that's the only place you could buy anything and most

of it you couldn't even afford some of it but dude i'm so good to go to radio shack like at

at least twice a year,

I still go into a radio shack

and be on cables

or connectors

or this or that.

It's going to start with that.

Connectors all the time.

Fucking earphones

for your phone.

Come on, dude.

I still do, though.

I mean, they're...

Fuses for your car.

Yeah, they're hardware.

Shit, like,

I wouldn't go there

and buy a...

They don't even sell TVs anymore.

I wouldn't go to anything

that isn't, like,

a wire or a component

or something to do

with soldering

or, you know what I mean?

Like, that's it.

Because of the ability

of you just to be able to run.

Basic electronic supplies.

I like it, too, man.

And it's one of the only places where they still have basic electronic supplies.

That's going to be gum.

You got to order them online and wait your ass.

That sucks.

Or go to Fry's.

The only thing left will be Fry's, dude.

Fry's.

You ever been?

Fry's are the bomb, dude.

I love Fry's.

We don't have one here.

But I suspect that if Radio Shack goes away, then that type of shopping will increase at Fry's.

And maybe they'll expand into this area.

I don't know.

there is a local um a local radio is that like a local radio enthusiast radio like kind of place

that has just shit tons of electronics you know like i mean like old school there there's one

here i know that and in orlando there's one it was so fucking cool forgot the name i know there's

what like one micro micro pc or micro tech or some bullshit i know there's some of them like i i

remember like one of my friends and all that got up here uh a reclude micro i because i used to

that like live in that area man there's like micro pc or micro tech you can buy like computer

shit they got connecting stuff all kinds of crap because uh i was there only a couple years ago

i forget the name micro pc micro micro center micro center i think that's just where you live

okay okay somebody said comp usa yeah that's right i remember that compusa there's still

there's one in orlando still they kept it open it's actually well i think it's like a tiger

direct store now but basically what they did was like they use it as their warehouse for

shipping the comp usa and tiger direct stuff in florida so they took their distribution center

and they put a storefront in it basically well i should say they took what was the store reduced

it in size and made a medium-sized distribution center there to ship faster um it's actually kind

of cool so the thing is like anything that you want on tiger direct if you like the price you

I mean, it's the same price that they have in a store.

You don't have to worry about waiting for shipping or paying for shipping.

You just have to worry about paying a sales tax,

which I think now no matter what, they charge you a sales tax.

Amazon charges sales tax.

Do they still have good deals?

I don't know.

I haven't bought from Tiger Direct in years, so I don't know.

I don't know if they're still relevant at all.

They had pretty good prices for OEM OSs,

and that's why i was shopping there last oh yeah you know if you buy an oem right okay all you gotta

do is order a cable and then you can buy an oem copy of windows which is original equipment

merchandise just because you like buying the cable for a computer then you pay like 200 or more

dollars less for an oem you get it in an envelope instead of getting that little box yeah yeah pay

200 more you get the box if you don't hello thanks for calling speaking how may i help you

oh hey how you doing honey aloha aloha how are you honey baby so how are you i'd like to make

an order yeah one fish one fish what kind of fish uh water fish water fish yeah we can do that okay

i like it cook who's calling uh this is uh my name is andre de costa costa de costa costa uh-huh so

have you seen my menu yet well yeah i mean it has fish right you have fish it says here really big

big fish sorry are you wanna order or do you wanna yeah we're more they can order make order for fish

yeah okay yeah honey let me get your phone number uh let's see three two eight two oh one five three

two eight two four one five two oh one five two oh one okay what kind of fish you like uh cooked

what kind of fish from the ocean no I don't know what that is oh yeah snapper uh do you have connect

Kanak? Kanak fish? Kanaka fish?

Paka?

No, kanaka.

No.

No? Are you kanaka?

No.

No? Oh, good.

So you can pull your pants down and your panties down when I go down there, right?

And show me your privates?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we do that, right? In the bathroom?

Yeah.

Yeah. You want to?

Yeah, sometimes.

Yeah, and then we can eat fish.

We can put the fish all over each other and smell each other and touch each other's genitals.

Okay. Yeah, let's do it.

All right. Have a great evening, sir.

Okay, bye. I love you.

Aloha.

Andre DaCosta

dude he sounded

he sounded like

he's down with it man

so

I think you might have

been surprised

a little fish sale

the problem with

the OEM windows

was that it was

wasn't it tied to

the motherboard

right

no dude

it's just

if you did

if you ordered

from Tiger dude

anything like

that was part of

the hardware system

so all I did

was order the

IDE cable

the cheapest thing

was like six bucks

that's how I bought

I purchased the disc

because it was a part

It's part of the OEM deal.

I'm confused.

When I'm asking this, an OEM version of Windows versus a retail, like a regular retail version?

There's no difference.

The difference, isn't the OEM version tied to the motherboard of what install on another

device?

No, no, no.

No, dude, because that's all I use is OEMs, man.

Or maybe it's just that you're not supposed to, but you can.

Wink, wink.

Is that what the deal is?

What it is, is they're supposed to sell you a fucking computer, but somehow they twist

it around and just all you had to do was just buy uh a cable buy a cable right so instead of paying

six hundred dollars i paid six dollars and i got the system the uh om the uh excuse me the os for

200 off 250 off but i don't think there's oh i think they stopped the oem they don't do that

anymore they don't do i don't know i don't know i don't know i can't say i haven't ordered since

windows 7. i don't think i don't think there's a oem windows 8 at all i don't believe so probably

Probably not because they're probably wise that shit.

They're trying to control it, you know, now.

Somebody said you download the shit off the internet, right?

Yeah, for the most part, you can go to like Digital River or Amazon and buy and download it.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

It's like they're trying to move that direction.

I don't know if you can get it, get it.

If you can't, well, you lost out.

There was a time.

Yeah, a time.

Speaking of time, I'm going to go take a break, everybody.

Thank you very much for hanging in there with me and Milkman.

We've been having fun tonight, haven't we, Milkmans?

You ain't kidding there, Monito.

much love dude you're one creative

motherfucker I love you brother

thank you thank you sir

likewise

when we come back

let me see here we could do

a little a few more of those calls that we've been doing

already to like Hawaii

but we could move on I'm hoping Dwight

might want to join us and in that case he'll

always have numbers as a matter of fact I think

he's already been sending them so yeah we got plenty of numbers

from Dwight you know he has a typical hotel

he was in the chat earlier dude

Dude, you're killing me, dude.

Well, when I start the break, I'm going to mute Skype and add everybody in.

So we're all congregating.

So coming up, the regular cast.

Thank you for tuning in.

The gangbang session.

We'll be right back.

Thank you, Milkman.

And that's prankcallnation.com and madhouselive.com.

Right after this.

We have a red dot.

You have the red dots?

We have a red dot.

You're not supposed to have the red dots, though, because they're from Cuba.

No, no.

Now, listen, I just came back from a cruise, and I went to Barbados, and they explained the whole thing to me.

The red dots are from Cuba, and then the other ones are from the Dominican Republic.

And if you have the cigars that are from Cuba, you're going to get in trouble.

Now, I snuck some in from, you know what I did?

I took the bands off, and I put them in my luggage.

I didn't find them.

No, no, Habib, no.

Habib, hand me...

I am not, I'm not your love.

I got your phone number, you know that?

What do you want?

I want you to...

It's from Dominican Republic, you don't understand?

No, red dots are from Cuba, you bastard.

It's here, Cuyber, Red Dot, San Diego, L.A., Republic, Dominica.

How is San Diego?

It's called Cleveland Kings.

San Diego is not in...

Go, Taylor, and do you want me to show you an invoice?

Bring me your ID and come.

I'm going to report you to the naturalization, and they're going to take you away, Habibi.

Huh?

Habibi?

Mm-hmm, yeah.

Olmec is right here.

Olmec is here with me right now.

Your mother.

Who?

Your mother, Olmec, right here.

Who's?

I'm going to call, I got your number, I'm going to call right away, police, you are harassing us.

I'm putting a report, you have illegal Cuban cigars.

Come in, I have everything legal 100%.

Oh, you worry about it?

Here, it's in the shelf.

I have proof here that you have Cuban cigars there, so you try to sell me, right now, you try to sell me illegal Cuban cigars.

I'm trying to sell, I have Cuban red dot from...

From Cuba.

Hey, Philly Bank King.

No, from Republic of Cuba.

Huh?

Hey, buddy, how you doing?

Yeah, this is Valente.

Look, I want to apologize.

I think you're right.

The red dots are from Dominican Republic.

It's the yellow ones that are from Cuba, right?

Well, you know what?

This does not belong to the police.

I just called them.

That's okay.

No, but I just want to let you know that I'm dropping...

Listen, listen.

I'm dropping the case.

I'm dropping the case against you because you were right and I was wrong.

It's the yellow bands that are from Cuba, not the red dots.

Right?

I'm sorry.

Well, like, yeah, that's, yeah.

Would you please come to the store?

Why?

Well, you're going to hurt me.

You're going to threaten me.

No, I'm not.

No, no, no.

The police officer, he want to come here now.

What time?

No, I don't know.

He can call me right now.

Oh, you want to call me back?

I don't want to deal with you, man.

I'm really sorry.

I don't know you, and you've been harassing me, saying bad words in Arabic, and that's,

that's, you know, I'm going to sue you.

Habibi.

Listen.

Yeah, yeah.

Can I ask you a question?

I am 100% here with the law, and the police officers love them.

I have contact with everyone.

Wait a minute.

So they're going to take care of everything.

Shiraz, listen.

If you're guilty, you're going to plead guilty.

Shut up, listen.

No, no, no, not guilty, not guilty, not guilty.

What are you going to do when I show up?

Are you going to cut my hand off with a sword?

Is that what you're going to do?

No, no, no, I'm not going to do anything.

I just called police officers.

Are you going to behead me in front of the town square, in front of everybody?

No, thanks.

No, no.

No, when you say you're with Allah, you're 100%...

I am trying to talk.

Thank you very much.

I'm trying.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you!

Fucking piece of shit!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Let's go.

Guy tried to break in my truck.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.

Hey, baby.

If you're looking for hot, horny black women, then you've reached the right number.

If you want to get off on one of our cattle girls, press 1-

Hi, honey. How are you?

How are you, honey?

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My fine little orangutan bitch. How you doing, baby?

I'm good.

You know you want this white fucking cock?

I want that little monkey pussy, don't you?

I want you to lick this hot monkey pussy.

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Big fucking monkey bitch ass.

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Stick that big fucking dick up in this big fucking monkey ass.

All I know is I want to take out this goddamn trouser, Trout.

You think you can rape me?

Yes, you nigga bastard.

You got my big fucking dick ass, don't you?

I want to tug on those dreads and have you lick them.

You want me to lick your asshole?

You got to lick me, you fucking cunt.

You can just chew some nice airbag licking on me.

Fucking hot little nigga.

I've been doing longer work with you.

Oh, fuck the spot.

That's fucking big ass white cock inside of me, man.

Oh, yeah, you want to be in me, honey?

You want me to give you some nigga shit on your dick?

I want to make an order, please.

No, you have to take out order.

Take out, okay, hang on just for a second.

No, take out order.

Take out order, yeah.

Okay, hang on, I'll be right with you.

All right, thank you.

What do you have?

Listen, I was the special, I wanted three of the specials, please, for orange juice.

Okay.

Three for the orange juice, that's okay.

What?

I was praying for the orange juice and then I wanted three of the free specials.

Oh, they're not free now.

It ended at 2 o'clock this afternoon.

Yeah, well, it said it was from 6 to 2.

Yeah, 6 in the morning to 2 in the afternoon.

It says here 6 p.m. on my paper.

I wrote it down because Oprah was talking about it and she said 6 p.m.

No, it's 6 in the morning to 2 in the afternoon.

It's all over with now.

Now, listen.

I wrote it down here.

I'm praying this simple on my paper.

Oprah said it was from 6 to today, and I stayed up.

Hang on, I'm gonna let you talk.

7.30.

She refused me to take my order.

I want a carafe juice and three specials.

It's between 6 and 2.

Oprah said it on the TV yesterday.

From 6 to 2, it was gonna be free, and everyone was clapping.

To T.M. in the afternoon.

No, no, no.

That's not what she said.

She said from 6.

It's absolutely true.

Listen, I slept and made sure I got up early at 6, showered, and I think the nurse left.

And now I'm going to get transportation because I'm in a wheelchair from the county that come take me because I'm on disability.

Okay.

Right now.

If you know what, it's mandatory that you're supposed to have the sale today because that's what Oprah said the day of.

M.

It's 19 from now.

Morning.

Why?

Please take my order.

I want a carafe of juice to go with three specials.

It's not.

This isn't fair.

Well, let me speak to the manager first.

You are.

No, is there a man I can speak to?

What is the manager that's talking?

He will be here tomorrow morning.

Listen, that's not fair, because then it's after 2, and I can't get the specials anymore.

No, it's not.

It's 739, my clock, and it's...

Okay, do you understand that it is 9 p.m.?

It's over at 2 a.m.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

It's morning.

This isn't fair. I slept in because I wasn't going to come in.

I'm sorry.

My transportation is going to be here in about five minutes.

Okay, well, I'm sorry.

I canceled on them.

But

the special for orange juice, I was going to pay for that because I didn't want you people to say that I was there for charity.

I don't accept charity.

I'm looking for your charity, sir.

I don't...

First, it's not charity, sir.

And...

Just listen.

I'm sorry.

I'm looking at the paper.

I'm looking at the paper. It says here. What was it? What was the special before me down for one special?

I cannot down for one, but you'll have to choose it at 99. This is the awful orange juice

Um, can't you sell me the crowd? I can make it with me. What's happened? No more juices are in it

Oh, no, how much is the craft if I drink it there seven eight five zero nine

But I hope that when you die they put your GPS in your box trapdoor at the bottom

So when you die, you open a tractor at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight to the head.

Head House Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

Yeah.

Kiss my pussy.

Head House Radio with Carlito.

Oakman is here.

Big Baby Bash.

Yeah.

Hey, hey, how you doing?

Big Ken, Dwight McClellan.

Hey, tickle my butthole

Yeah

Tickle his balls, everybody

Yeah

Yeah, yeah

So, Dwight, you been sending numbers?

Anything of note that I should know about?

Well, that first one

That guy's that crazy fucker in Canada

Oh, him, okay

The one that likes to call us

Goofs and wants to fight

Hey, Goofs, eh?

You're Goofs, eh?

Yeah, he's a good fightin' words, if you knew

You want to talk to him?

He's your buddy.

I like that, yeah.

If you pick him.

Hello.

Yeah, you're doing this, uh, Joe.

Who is he?

Oh, I'm looking for Joe.

Yeah, who am I speaking to?

Yeah, no, this is Bobby.

Oh, hang on.

Bobby who?

This is Bobby.

You know him, Bobby.

Okay.

Should we keep holding?

He'll be all right.

He'll be here.

Does he usually take this on?

He's usually in bed.

And his wife's a retard.

Your call has been forwarded to Kudo's Voice Messaging Center.

Marie Berger?

It's not available.

Berger.

Ah.

next we have jack who is highly contagious who is selling a 1992 yoda corolla wow

this car should keep going

sorry your call could not be completed error so did the cowboys play today they played the lions

god damn it they win then i'm guessing yeah no the refs the refs fuck the lions like usual

oh you wouldn't believe this shit uh lions went forward they were down by uh

there i think it was four at that point uh they throw a pass they call pass interference

the ref is in the middle of making the announcement he's like you know pass interference

blah blah blah first down then like five six seconds after that they picked the flag up after

they already made the announcement i was like you're fucking kidding me and uh so yeah i didn't

know fucking them fucking real good bullshit yeah what was even more retarded is uh des bryant

ran off of the sidelines onto the field to argue with the refs about the flag

that in itself should have been a fucking flag off the side you went to the sideline he was on

He was on the sideline because their defense was out there.

Okay.

And his dumbass ran out onto the field to argue with the refs about the flag.

Yeah, okay.

I get that.

Well, he's not supposed to do that.

Yeah, that should have been a flag.

Andy didn't have his helmet on.

That's double.

That's deuce flags.

Deuce.

Another season away.

Ravens won.

Beat the Steelers yesterday.

Hooray.

Hate the Steelers.

Austin is here, and he needs to sell a 1996 Acura Integra.

Acura Integra?

Yeah, I do.

Is it a nice car?

Nice and sexy?

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay, have there been a lot of sex in the backseat?

Yeah, a little too strong?

Oh my God.

A little too, yeah, forward.

Whoops.

If it picks up, you can apologize on my behalf.

Wait.

All right, the person you are trying to reach has a voicemail box that has not been set up yet.

Please.

Oh, well.

I may be calm when I do these calls.

The first drag them out like no friend said.

Cody here has a Windows 8 straight talk phone.

It's a Lumia, probably.

Busy.

All right, guys.

She looks at the damn house phone.

Still, you'd figure they'd have call waiting.

Cheap, cheap, cheap.

All right, someone has free bamboo poles.

All right, no name.

Let's do it.

We lost Baz.

He had to go?

Yeah, he said he tried to be back.

Good.

How about using someone else's hot tub?

Like a hotel in the good, because they sanitize it good.

We tried that busy number from earlier.

The garage guy, Garage Brian, from two nights ago?

Oh, yeah, this is the guy that tried to garage.

Two nights ago, right?

Or was it last week?

It was last week.

We were getting too heavy for him.

Knee on your hair.

Picked up.

All right, striking out here.

james with siamese kittens great where's the show going starting off so strong then long comes

dwight and everything it sucks dwight is your numbers dwight do it all right coconut trees

i guess he has a 42 inch flat screen he fucking baseball bat it oh yeah hi you have a tv for sale

hello hello you have a tv there motherfucker food houses oh this is cross you advertise a tv

yeah I got TV yeah how much you want for for a hundred forty yep okay can I come

see it we can you plug it in I can see make sure it works good we from yeah me

too yeah yeah I do too this is my cell phone that's where I live yeah are there

a lot of cum stains on it on the screen come stains cum stains piss stains look

Look, I don't know who the fuck you are calling asking some questions like that,

but to be honest with you, you don't call this goddamn phone no more.

Listen, motherfucker, don't you talk like that to me, you son of a bitch.

Listen, let me tell you something, you son of a bitch.

No, you son of a bitch.

Who is it?

I don't know who the fuck this cocksucker son of a bitch is.

You cocksucker son of a bitch.

Hi, hi, hi.

Watch your language.

I'm sorry.

but don't uh whatever you just said on the phone don't ever say that again and don't call this

number again he's the one that said it to me first bye i know do it you're the one that said it first

motherfucker why'd you get me in trouble not a motherfucker you want to know there's any

piss stains or cum stains or anything like that yeah because sometimes there are on tvs to get

cum stains and piss stains and stuff like that well i don't know what kind of motherfuckers you

be dealing with but they ain't shit on this one well i don't know because you the way you sound

You sound like you're slow

You're missing teeth

You stupid motherfucker

Motherfucker

I will end your

Goddamn life for you

I can take it

Just as well as you got it

You sound like a

Son of a bitch

Piece of shit man

Who called our phone

Make sure it's

Okay

Can I talk to her again

No you cannot talk to her

Again like we're talking

Like that you can't

Does she squirt

Is she a squirter

You know what that is

I don't know

I'm gonna tell you

One time and one time only

You call this

Goddamn phone back

Mister

Me and you

We're gonna have a problem

I mean, don't you ever, ever open your goddamn mouth like that about her again.

You understand me?

Is she a squirter?

Yes or no?

Does she squirt vaginal juices out of her vaginal opening when she has sex?

Look, I will take care of you in the morning.

I will go by the police department and give them this goddamn number.

You won't do shit, motherfucker.

You ain't nothing but a perverted son of a bitch that won't ask goddamn questions.

None of your fucking business.

Does she shave her private parts?

What did he say about...

oh my god i will end your fucking life for you but you ever talk about her

hey how many fathers you have how many men fuck your mom for you

i'm getting for harassment motherfucker you do what how many fathers do you have how many

fathers fuck your mom i got i got a question you talk a lot of shit on the phone do you live in

in the state of mississippi yes do you live in rippling mississippi yes where the fuck do you

live at and i'll make sure i come right to you you ready to write it down it's 128 horse machine

ranch road that's not in rippling i've lived here 25 fucking years that's not in rippling it's a new

development motherfucker i lived here for almost 30 years no motherfucker it ain't a new development

you tell that bitch to shut up she i live here 20 i ain't going nowhere i'm here the rest of my

life i'm a piece of i'm stuck i'm stuck like a piece of in this town i've been here

20 years that's your wife i anyone that wants to me do what huh what'd you say

does she want to know my name is she want to me is that why yeah what's your name yes

yeah i didn't want you what's your name my name is tony starks that's all i need thank you

fuck you okay okay tony hey and does she have like a lot of uh hair in her vagina on her vagina

or near it you perverted son of a bitch do you shave it or do you know my mother is listening

to every conversation you're saying oh you know you came out of your mother's pussy you know how

old i am no you're talking to my 14 year old dog you son of a bitch oh yeah does she have periods

heads yet or does she have problem because you guys eat a lot of mcdonald's and bad food

hello i i tell you what meet me it's just you live in ripley

meet me on canada 525 no law or nothing do what are we going to kiss and smell each other

and touch each other's general i tell you what i got a 12 gauge that she's two and three quarter

3-inch you can kiss that son of a bitch all you want you can suck on the goddamn barrel when I pull the trigger

Hey, this is between me and your wife. I'm fucking her

I dare you motherfucker I dare

You dumb motherfucker, what are you doing?

You still want to talk shit?

Are you jacking off?

You still want to talk shit?

Yeah, motherfucker. Fuck your wife right now.

Yeah, motherfucker.

Let me hear you fuck your wife.

You called the wrong goddamn phone, motherfucker.

If you ever open your goddamn mouth again about my old lady like that, I promise you I'll hunt you to the goddamn ground.

Would you fuck your wife in front of me?

Let me watch you fuck your wife in front of me. I just want to watch.

Is your wife the 14-year-old?

Let me tell you something, you stupid pervert.

Top of my last station, son of a bitch, and that's one goddamn thing.

You done fought with the wrong goddamn one and called the wrong motherfucker.

Let me tell you that right fucking now.

Because it won't hurt me to blow your motherfucking head off.

You're a pussy.

Motherfucker, I will...

I'm a what?

You're a pussy.

You won't do shit.

Son of a bitch, I will destroy you in my two goddamn hands.

You'll piss your pants and cry like a bitch to your wife.

and then i'll suck your wife's titties let me tell you something motherfucker let me tell you

one goddamn thing yeah i will cut your motherfucking throat and watch you shake

and will not lose the first bit of goddamn sleep about it you understand me boy but you call me

boy motherfucker yeah but you call me nothing but a pussy five boys that all you can do is

Just pick up the phone and talk shit like a little bitch that you are.

Now, like I said, boy, you're fucking with the wrong goddamn woman.

I'm going to jack off and let your wife watch.

Really?

Yeah.

And she's going to be like, oh, you're so much bigger dick than my husband.

Yeah, bigger dick than my husband.

And so much more stronger.

So much more stronger.

Hold on, man.

You son of a bitch.

Yeah.

Hold on one goddamn minute.

He's got a small pencil dick.

For your pussy-fied motherfucking ass.

What?

Just hold on a minute.

Okay.

Motherfucker.

Pussy.

You pervert.

Son of a bitch.

You pussy redneck motherfucker, you.

I tell you what.

I might be a goddamn redneck, but you don't jump with your motherfucker.

How many potato chips you eat today?

I don't fucking know.

Got internet.

Oh, man.

Come on.

You ain't got internet?

What are you doing, motherfucker, you?

Are you putting it in your wife right now?

Do what?

Are you putting your dick in your wife now so I can hear?

I don't fucking know.

It's some perverted, pussy-ass, son-of-a-bitch,

all he can do is run a goddamn trail about stupid shit.

Uh-huh.

And this son-of-a-bitch, where is he?

What did you say you live at again?

And I want to fuck your wife.

I live on Horse Machine Ranch Road.

This stupid son-of-a-bitch comes out to tell me

I got a goddamn address instead of Mississippi.

I'm not a ripper.

Yes, I am.

It's a new development.

It's called Horse Machine Ranch.

That's somebody that you know.

They're just talking through a computer thing.

The girl's calling me all the time doing that shit.

You dumb motherfucker.

Where's your wife?

Come on, let me hear her jacking off.

You motherfucker won't find shit.

Fuck you.

You're a bitch.

You ain't got shit, motherfucker.

Can I talk to the wife now?

I don't have one.

That's why I want to talk to your wife so I can fuck her.

Oh, yeah?

I don't know.

No, she told me I had a bigger dick than you.

It was all about my dick.

You got bigger than me?

You belong in porno, son.

She was all about me, my big dick.

I got the biggest dick in Holly Springs.

Hello?

What are you doing over there?

Are you tracing me?

No.

No tracing.

All right, here's Dwight.

Dwight.

Listen, baby.

I'm black as a motherfucker, and I'll come over there, and I'll lay you some of that

good black dick.

What do you think about that?

Come on, baby.

baby. I'll come over

and give you some of this black leather without a

condom.

You want to join in, big boy?

Maybe I bend you over and let the wife

watch? Prison style.

Boy.

I'm gonna fuck your wife in the ass

and make her squeal like a pig.

Yeah, you

have a 14-year-old that you're fucking.

I ain't changing shit, motherfucker.

motherfucker motherfucking bitch call me on a real number bitch hey do you know how to spell

mississippi do you know how to spell it yeah do you know how to spell stupid mississippi

do you know the capital of your state is no they're what how many do you know the capital

of your state did you learn that in school i didn't go to school bitch i can tell i can

fucking tell yeah you probably don't have any teeth either does glory hole foundation work on

on cell phones?

Or he's not getting no teeth

because your mom's vagina

rotted the mouth.

Hey, dickhead,

listen, we're doing

an internet radio show.

We're prank callers.

Do you want to go

to our website?

You guys can see us.

We're just joking.

Just joking?

Like that shit?

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

God damn it.

I'll give you our website.

You can go there

and see us

and hear the prank call

if you want to hear it again.

I don't want to hear

the goddamn prank call.

You can win $500

if you go.

Yeah.

I'm going to shoot

some motherfuckers in there.

They won't give you

a website, dude. Give me a website.

All right. We're the Glory Hole

Foundation Show. It's

.com.

Dot com.

I guess.

Gloryholefoundation.com.

Man, I know where Motorhut and Hole is called Glory Hole.

It's a pretty badass hole.

They're telling you to be off and setting the hit again, though.

We're going pretty damn quick.

Did you get it yet, mother fucks?

What?

Did you open a website yet, mother fucker?

Mother fucker, I ain't getting on your damn website.

Then fuck you then, you stupid mother fucker.

Yeah, I guess you don't want any money, you stupid toothless asshole.

I guess I can't pork your wife.

Yeah, no, his wife only porks the blacks from now on.

That's what she does.

I heard about her.

Only pork they get is from fucking pee.

Yeah, your daughter, your daughter, too.

she likes to go she gives head to black men and she's gonna be i ain't got no daughters shut the

hell up sick man that's sick the ku klux klan's gonna come after you that's nasty the klu klux

klan motherfucker my uncle's in the klu klux klan the klu klux klan you can't even get it together

maybe you're maybe you're where you need to be in that bullshit state of mississippi

you know i did some investigations he says that he doesn't have a wife or a daughter

I heard he fucks dogs. He's got a nice bloodhound down there. He just fucking no condom or nothing. Just just

They all sound like they got purred him down

All right, bye motherfuckers

Bye cocksucker. Bye. This is a shit that are bringing the country down by

Foundation calm you were still confused to shit aren't you?

one by three gloryhole foundation is he just spurting out numbers now is that what we got

dot com did you get it did you call are you in are you numbers no did you hear that he said he

has no wife he has no daughter he's got that gentleman in the back he uses it he uses his

mouth as a pussy yeah or his ass get some ass pussy man pussy people's got no more time than

We're making a lot of money doing this

Yeah

No shit

What did we interrupt you to

Fucking you get drunk and you fuck each other

And you wake up in the morning

I'm not queer

It's more than drinking

And it's more than fucking

Did you watch

Did you watch True Detective

No

Okay bye

I'm done with them

Dumb motherfuckers

he was awesome

this here death row

don't you ever

call here again

he was seeing rad guys

I was

when he went outside I was so waiting

for the shotgun to fucking go off

I thought that's what he was going to do

I thought he was getting his shotgun to shoot in the air

I was typing in the end I was like there was only one

reason to go outside to shoot

a fucking gun

Hey, sorry.

Someone says they lost all their contacts in their iPhone, which they hate because the iPhone caused the contacts to go away.

I'm sure it was the iPhone.

I'm sure that's exactly what it was.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

I'm calling from Apple Repair, iPhone Repair.

You had a ticket, trouble ticket here about a problem with your contacts.

Hello?

Problem with my...

With your iPhone.

You had a call in to us because of a problem with your phone, your contacts.

Something like that.

Hello?

I never called.

Okay, do you have a problem with your iPhone that you reported?

No, I never reported anything.

It's just the new update completely wiped half my phone.

So you have a problem with the iPhone, you stupid.

Right?

It was fucking hilarious.

What?

Okay.

Oh.

Yes.

Okay.

Everyone just wants to pick up and laugh today, huh?

Isn't that great?

Yay.

Okay, next.

I looked at the guy's Facebook.

I have his girlfriend's name, apparently.

Her name's Ray.

okay and apparently uh she only went to elementary school and graduated in 93

imagine that i've got an arcade game machine here right 60 games arcade game machine with

60 games what is it like a name box or something like a name machine let's find out one two one

three two it doesn't matter because we didn't prank them i think that's all the numbers and

past one o'clock and i really am tired i gotta get myself back on a normal sleep schedule sleepy

schedule i'm stuck at a thing where i can't fall asleep until like 12 i can't wake up until like

12 30 in the afternoon and i can't fall asleep until like 2 30 3 30 in the morning so not only

am i oversleeping i'm on a totally incorrect schedule so i'm trying to snap out of it because

i'm expecting to go back to work in a few days here it's gonna really hit me hard if i had to

to get up at six in the morning when i only fell asleep at 3 30 because of out of habit okay so

have i made enough excuses for me to leave yeah almost 10 15 all right cool almost 10 15 all

right i'm out of here uh thanks dwight take it easy there big guy hey thanks don't die no i hope

that was nice don't die hey milkman take us out of here mr horny hey buddy all right i did you

Do you want to take that message and see if Jen Stewart was able to get with us or are we done?

No, I got to go.

I can't.

All right.

I don't want to talk to Jen Stewart.

Hey, I'd like to thank everybody for stopping in, man.

Was that not a great show, folks, man?

I hope you caught it all.

Because if not, you better catch on the rewinds because our boy, Germanito Carlito, the master, has done it again.

Don't miss it.

I want to thank everybody over there in 98.6 Mouth to Chat.

All our friends over there, man.

Thank you so much.

msp3 clay all of our guys over here enigma thank you so much thank all of our special guests that

showed up tonight ken neon faz and i'm sure there's a couple other on here i didn't catch

hey thanks a lot this has been a great show one thank you especially our listeners that's right

we do this every week the most interactive show you can find right here on the internet that's

right we drop the dime we just ask you give us a time bring a friend or better yet bring an enemy

because they're always welcome right here in the madhouse with this crazy knucklehead

We couldn't do it without our fearless leader, the Generalissimo of the Madhouse,

Emanito, saving lives one call at a time, brother.

Ain't that right?

Yeah, it is right.

Thank you, Milkman.

Thank you for your enthusiasm.

Thank you for being on with me.

Thank Carlos for being on.

Yeah, everyone in the chat room, thank you.

Hey, shout out to UK Godfather.

Thanks for dropping the numbers.

I know I'll definitely make sure that we get to him here on the next show.

Next show.

I'm sorry, UK Godfather.

Next show, you'll be here.

Hooray!

Okay

See you later Milkman

Take it easy

Alright peace

Later

Alright everybody

Bisexual

I'm fabulous

Perfect

A full force

To the heutige

Stolz

Wieder schön

Und herrlich

Nehm ich euch

Hier auf

Beweisig

Weihnachten

Und sonst

Bekämpft

Der Treu sein

Wie jemals

Der deutsche

Treu sein

Konnten

Immer wieder

Wir werden

Neue Jugend

Antreten

In dieser Stadt

Hier

Ich seh das

Von hier

Frank Call Nation

Madhouse Radio – 1/4/15 Show

Calls (34, 1 h 54 min of 3 h 13 min)

Transcript

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