Madhouse Radio – 1/11/15 Show - Madhouse Live Search

I play no fucking games, dude.

I fuck you, son of a bitch.

Stop making us get the cuttings.

You're out of your crazy mind.

You ain't getting no goddamn dollars.

I'll fuck you all night long.

You're my perfect.

Why don't you piss off?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

And the only time a Muslim really gets real violent

is when someone goes to molest his woman.

We will kill you for our woman.

I'm making it plain, yes.

We will kill you for our woman.

We believe that if the white man will do whatever is necessary to see that his woman gets respect and protection,

then you and I will never be recognized as men until we stand up like men

and place the same penalty over the head of anyone who puts his filthy hands out to put in the direction of our women.

A lot of talk and bullshit.

Do you know something?

Don't listen.

What do you know?

Maybe I do and maybe I don't.

What I say is they got no business negotiating.

We ought to be going back in there with a bullet for everybody in the yard.

Oh, is that right?

We do it now, we do it later. Later ain't gonna be no use.

Am I right, Al?

Wait, wait, wait a minute, Frank.

We got a lot of angry guys in there. Black Muslims, Panthers, Young Lords.

Besides you, the average antisocial.

We gotta go in, right? Clean their clocks.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is...

Hey, everybody. Good evening.

Alright, let's do this. Milkman and Carlito are here. I'm Carlito, Milkman is the latter.

Hello, Milkman. Hello, Milkman.

Hello, I'm Neal Platter.

Yeah, right here.

Get ready to climb on me.

Yeah, Cowabunga Radical, dude.

I'm out of here. I'm out of here.

Yeah, prankcallnation.com, madhouselive.com are the websites.

I'm going to do a Madhouse radio show, Madhouse Live.

that includes prank calls mostly and uh some useless banter by me milkman and others later

on in the show yeah here's the first prank of the night

i didn't catch how are you i didn't catch your name that's very rude of you not to tell me who

you are when you answer the phone or tell me where you are you didn't introduce yourself to

me hello yeah you didn't introduce yourself to me when i when you answer the phone you just said

hello no i did not i say that's the renaissance all right anyway i need to speak to a guest there

okay uh fish man that's the last name fish man fish man yeah fish man yes he's uh he's a member

of the league of heroes and he's actually staying there right now could you give him the first name

His real first name is Chuck, but he goes by Fishman.

Okay.

Connected right away.

All right.

Learn more.

Go to wrenhotels.com.

Is that Fishman?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm here on the phone with Milkman.

You're both our enemies.

Are you going to team up against Sharkman?

I don't know.

Who's this?

Sharkman has escaped from SeaWorld,

and we need you, Fishman, to team up with the Milkman together in this issue

to fight him and send him back to his saltwater cage.

Okay, I have no idea what you're talking about.

This is Chuck, right? Fish Man?

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're the guy.

You're the guy we need.

You have fish powers.

Who is this?

I don't know if you understand.

I'm looking for the superhero Fish Man.

I need you to...

I'm no superhero.

What I need you to do is...

What we want to do is put you in the tank that he's hanging out.

He's hanging out in the ocean, actually.

So we're going to put you in the ocean.

And you're just going to be, you're going to wear, like, a wig.

So you look like Lady Fish.

Quit playing.

Who is this?

You look like Lady Fish, man.

You're like, ooh, Mr. Shark, I'm bleeding.

I'm bleeding.

I'm on my period.

Come eat me.

And then he'll go after you.

And then Milkman's going to come from the side off the boat.

He's going to dive in with a scuba tank.

And he's going to throw milk bottles underwater at full speed.

Quit playing.

I'm like, you got 10 seconds.

He has, Milkman has exploding milk bottles.

Dude, he's not scared, man.

Man, now I'm really pissed.

He should have been terrified.

You got 10 seconds.

I'm like, oh no, Fishman has a bomb.

I'm hanging up.

You got 10 seconds before the bomb goes off, Milkman.

Fishman has a bomb.

Fishman's tied up.

There's only room for one superhero here.

I think Sharkman tied up Fishman to a bomb and it had 10 seconds left,

and he needed you to do something, Milkman, to deactivate it.

Damn, we fucked up.

Good thing that wasn't for real.

All right, here's the next one.

Fishman indeed.

Hello?

Hi.

I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.

You didn't give it to me.

How rude.

What can I do for you, sir?

Your name first, please.

My name is Nick.

Okay, I need to speak to a guest there.

What's his name?

Huatley.

What's his name, sir?

The last name is Huatley.

It is.

It's Huatley.

What's wrong pronouncing it like that?

That's a way to pronounce it.

I hear it like that on the radio and TV all the time.

I don't understand proper English.

He must be a texter.

He speaks like a text.

No cooperation.

No cooperation at all.

Hello.

oh shit hello hello come on man you won't talk to me milkman clay is asking in the chat room

what vietnam was like you weren't in vietnam you're too you're too young for that right on

the seriously you were you're too young to have been in vietnam right by a long shot right all

back in nam man you know we used to kill people with our bare hands when the napalm went out we

pissed on them and we strangled them yeah if you if you want to start trying to do prank calls you

should be a biker and a vietnam vet that should be your two angles right there to start off cool

i think this chat room maybe has some more but i think yeah biker and vietnam vet would be great

for you for prank calls um i don't know what i like that thought yeah or just like you could be

a bounty hunter that'd be funny if you're a bounty something eccentric that's come up with a funny

any bounty hunter name and be a bounty hunter your superhero thing is great milkman the superhero

teamed up with fishman to fight sharkman who got loose out of sea world how he got from sea world

to the ocean i don't know explosive bottles of milk all along the way and you can throw them

underwater at full speed you know it doesn't it's not unencumbered by the resistance of water

that's awesome but you can't breathe underwater like fishman that's why you need fish we should

you call fish let's call fish man back because milkman needs fish man because fish man breathes

underwater no problems no fan can't thank you for calling the renaissance boss the waterfront hotel

how may i assist you hey boy i need to speak to a guest there hello yeah boy i need to speak to a

guest there please you need to speak to a guest that's right boy uh last name is i'm sorry i can't

hear you the last yeah boy i said yes boy and the last name is fishman fishman chuck or charlie

fish man

come on

for chuck

yep chuck

fish man

okay one

moment

all right

fucker

oh

i went too

far

i was right

there guys

damn

i should not

have tested

those that

fire again

that was the

baby

you see you

get this like

habit of getting

like three and

four more in

there and then

that usually

catches up

i love touching

the hot stove

when i was a

baby milkman

man that's why and that's my personality it's like whatever type that is type d type e yeah

like my mom was like don't touch that stupid she said probably she said like don't touch that

stupid you're gonna get burned like fuck you mom it's my pity there's carla kept tapping it

i don't care hello give it up mom that's carly so baby he's gonna be a star one of these days

all right let's keep going we're gonna have to move away from fish man for now because he is

The word is out at the front desk there.

All right.

Denise is at her apartment with her cousin chilling.

Who wants to chilling with me?

Call my cell phone.

Denise, I'm trying to see if I can find someone or a friend that can say I got her shit up here.

Yes.

Hi, I have.

My name is Eddie.

I'm calling from Walmart.

I'm trying to confirm a reference for someone here on an application.

Okay.

okay um is a mark eldridge mark who eldridge i don't know him you don't know mark eldridge

no oh shit yeah i mean we need him urgently to start working and he's here now he's all dressed

up ready to go and he said he put you down as a reference he said that you guys that he worked

he works at doctor's care he said he knows you no say that again he works at doctor's care he

He said he knows you.

I don't know no Mark Eldridge.

What?

No, I don't know no Mark Eldridge.

Well, fucking shit, right?

Well, fuck this guy, right?

Fuck him up.

Something about the profanity.

I don't understand, buddy.

They're friends on Facebook.

What am I supposed to do?

Shit, damn it.

Get so mad.

I'm sorry, but the person you called...

Damn it.

Damn it, I don't want to piss me off, milkmans.

Damn it.

Fuck.

Okay, here's Angel who says...

I don't know if it's a he or a she.

Could be either way.

Pompail or Angel.

Or Angel, yeah.

Wanting to send or trade for a full-size truck machine or a Jeep.

What?

Oh, they have a 98 Jeep Cherokee 4x4 that has nothing wrong with it,

and they're trying to trade it for a full-size truck.

My dad just wants a truck and told me to sell it or trade for it.

All right.

Call or text.

Oh, an echo.

Shit.

Oh, shit.

Whatever.

Fuck Angel and Hell.

Prada Puppies.

We have one male, one female, AKC-registered Chalk Labs.

Ooh, yummy.

Nom, nom, nom.

Excellent.

Nom.

Where's my marker?

I need Jack.

Good Jack Masterson one these days.

I really miss you.

Jack, Jack, need you.

He might be in the clerical department.

Might check there in a little bit.

There he is.

Jack is back.

Yeah.

Reached the voicemail box of 8-5-

Almost there.

I'll work as a gentleman.

Sounded like there was that mutation.

Jack is good.

You see, this makes an echo that I don't want.

Oh, well, if I do this.

Jack is good.

Yeah, if you just subtly add in the wet signal,

you'll still hear most of the natural signal,

but you'll get a little of that resonance.

A little bit of that resonant there, yeah.

They got an answer.

Come on, let's try them again.

I knew all that set up and they wouldn't answer.

I want to eat some chocolate fucking lab.

Jack is back.

back in black baby all right fine no chocolate lab but instead here's a ukc registered direct

midget daughter and dax what the fuck are you talking about a thousand cash huge and wide body

what the fuck is it a ukc registered direct midget daughter and dax what granddaughter i don't know

What the fuck they're saying?

What the fuck are you saying, man?

It's a brother.

His name's Lil G. Vandross.

Like Luther and Strauss.

Oh, man, he likes Luther Poother, man.

He's a Vandross fan.

Maybe he's related to the Vandrosses, the Vandross Empire.

That's right.

Maybe that's what it is.

He's got a great voice, too, man.

He's dead.

Luther.

Luther's dead, dude.

I know, but he's still got a great voice, man.

His voice still lives, brother.

All right.

His body doesn't, but his voice does.

All right.

Amen.

God damn it.

Amen, brother.

That's right.

God darn it.

There's a price to our fondness, whatever the fuck this is.

We'll see if it's the UKC midget.

UKC direct midget daughter and Dax granddaughter.

The fuck are you saying?

Midget daughter.

God damn it.

You're stupid.

I just want to tell him he's stupid, but I'm going to ask him first.

Don't do that first.

You got to get some questions answered.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't jump the gun.

Yes, sir.

You're right.

Thank you, Milkman.

New news sending in numbers, Milkman.

He's been sending in numbers all night.

Is he?

All right.

Maybe we got some confirmed ones or they're not leftovers from KDK's show.

Please.

KDK's new show.

Don't do that.

Hello, sir.

Are you there, boy?

Hello?

Hey, how you doing there?

You got the grandmother, the dogs, the UKC registered direct midget daughter and Dax

granddaughter?

I said that I am what now, man?

You got a, you're selling a UKC registered direct midget daughter and, and Dax granddaughter

for a thousand dollars cash head already huge.

What is that a dog?

This is cross.

We're friends on Facebook, but I saw that you put that you got a dog for sale.

You dropped the price to a thousand, right?

You still selling the dog, buddy.

Hello.

All right.

I'll put my friend on.

Hey, man.

What's up, man?

Hey, man.

You got that doll, man?

You got the doll?

You got the dog, man?

What you talking about, man?

No, I can't give me a doll.

Yeah, you got a doll, man.

You got a doll, man.

Say it, man.

It's a doll, baby.

He's just sitting there listening to it.

He's fucking retarded.

Never mind.

Nothing to do with anything with...

Anybody selling dolls, dude?

Come on.

It reminds me of that one dude we had in here a few years ago.

What was that one dude?

That huge dude that sold dolls on the side?

Yeah.

Action?

action chat figure some kind of come on dude ain't myself dolls that's already sketchy yeah

i don't know maybe they're fighting dogs or something he doesn't want to miss it

maybe that's it's all code for fighting dogs okay maybe i'm just guessing i'm just guessing

all right have to get rid of i thought you would say oh like in baby dolls like those toys and

you're saying dog savannah says she has to get rid of uh her baby what if interested in a blue

Blue Heeler and Shepherd.

Oh, here we go.

We got more of these redneck dogs, Milkman.

Blue Heeler.

We talked about this breed last week, didn't we?

It's the same.

We talked to her last week already.

I remember talking to her this month.

I think we did, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I insulted her quite a bit.

I don't remember.

Yeah, you did.

You didn't laugh very long.

You didn't make a laugh.

I think I asked sexual organ size.

Hello?

Hello.

Yeah, hi.

Do you still have a dog, Blue Heeler?

Yes.

Okay, and how much?

He's free.

He's free?

Yeah.

Does he have anything wrong with him, like diseases and shit?

No, we just got to get rid of him.

We have too many animals.

How old is he?

He's about eight months.

How old is he?

What?

How old is he?

Eight months old.

How old?

Eight months.

How many weeks?

I don't know.

How do you multiply?

You multiply.

Let's do it together.

Let's sound it out.

Savannah's puppy.

She gets one.

i was gonna say has it been house trained man yeah try to keep on i'm pretty sure she's the

one that i um that was i kept saying how old are they how old are they how old are they she was

like shut up i think i remember that lady i think neon also called um piggy sue asked for

searching oh shit dang man i'm in trouble man nooners okay man i hope

Nooners acclaims his tech.

Wow.

This man gets fucked.

Yay.

Woo.

Wow, man.

Okay.

Very kind thought.

Thank you, Noonan.

I hope you get the same.

He is a one and only fan.

Listen, if you're listening to the show, but not live, you should know that right now we're

on Sunday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern, 7 p.m. Pacific.

I don't know what that is, UTC.

Figure it out.

But yeah, every Sunday, more or less.

I do other shows here and there during the week.

but you can always catch me live i don't you should be able to join the chat room like nope

man you're in the chat room yeah yeah my last night said you hurt my butt ow he did rape you

in the ass with a kdk i guess he did all right listen right peggy's uh in search of a tie today

ty the lately only has like 30 bucks cable oh a tv oh well i'm reading it wrong i'm stupid

It says TV right there, Milkman.

What's wrong with you?

TV today only has $30.

How many spaces?

It needs to be at least cable ready.

Kokanee is joined.

Oh, I ain't seen Kokanee in a while, huh?

Forever.

He's a train engineer.

Kokanee, this one's for you.

Kokanee at work.

Hello.

How are you?

Who's this?

I'm looking for Peggy.

You needed a TV today, they told me, at the church.

Oh, I've got one.

i got one it was for a neighbor woman oh how big is the one you got i probably got a bigger one i

have a 52 inch you can have it lcd hd tv cable ready um it gets all i'm good i she just needed

to it has a d scrambler it gets all the cable channels for free all of them all the hbo and

everything for free oh come on the scrambler that's so fucking september 10th right not even

bro maybe like september 10th 99 listen but i'm driving on icy roads i can't talk right now i got

one thing okay motherfucker we don't i don't want to mess she's on icy roads because you know she's

got a point she's right milkman she's right we shouldn't bother her she's on icy roads

title of the show and mixture today says that i'm going to be respecting the boundaries so there

you go keith has a freezer for sale of interested we should call or text him okay nope nope nope

Forwarded to an automated.

No freezer answer.

I'll call again, but that was a long ring, sir.

You never know.

I'm not confident.

Has been forwarded to an.

Fuck you.

Next, Greg Huber.

What's wrong with me?

Greg Huber has a message for us all.

It's please help us.

We lost our dog machine.

Got one back.

Still missing our Taz.

Aw, Taz.

He is a blockhead.

Taz made the example?

I don't know.

No, he's a blockhead yellow lab, and he doesn't have a collar.

He had shoot it off the day before.

What an asshole.

That's what he gets.

Someone probably had to condemn him.

Hey, what we got to do is tell him that you found a dog that's got, like,

some leather hanging out its ass, and you're wondering if this is the right one,

and then, like, make a little sad story about it.

So should we call Greg or Stacy about this?

Let's call Stacy.

Chick.

All right.

Let's call her Chick because she's dumb because she's a girl.

Yeah, she's a girl.

She has to put a man on the phone.

hello sandwich yes hi i see that you uh lost a yellow lab i got a yellow lab here no caller

oh um where are you at i'm on horse machine ranch road it's a new development out here

will he come to you huh oh yeah yeah he's pissing me off though because i have some chickens back

here and this little motherfucker i caught him with the chickens he had killed two of the chickens

already you little motherfucker i'm not very happy at this son of a bitch motherfucker okay

well don't call me like this though please all right well look listen he better respect my

property god damn it hey hey motherfucker how you doing liable oh what'd you just tell me how

you doing motherfucker how's it going buddy why don't you tell me where you're at we'll come get

our dog yeah i'm on horse machine ranch road it's a new development out here it's just we got we

Where at?

Huh?

What's the crossroads?

Boy, I don't know.

I'm new.

I'm from New York City.

I went on a big lawsuit, and I just retired out here, buddy.

I don't know.

Like, I literally just got here, and I caught him in this ranch today.

Brand new, fucking beautiful, fucking ranch I got here.

And his fucking dogs killed two of my goddamn chicken machines.

I'm going to fucker him.

Hello?

Okay, so do you want to tell us where you live?

You know what's the purpose of this call besides you for your custom like this? Oh, I'm not

The chicken I'm not yeah, you got a compensate for the chicken, but I'm not cussing on you sir

I'm not cussing on you motherfucker. It's just the way I talk buddy. How you doing? I'm a pal. I'm a friend motherfucker. Come on

We can meet at the Walmart if you want

This motherfucker killed two of these fucking chickens though

You owe me for two chickens

This fucking perverted dog had an erection and everything

He started fucking the couch over here

He put his penis in the cushions in the couch

Fucking the couch

All right, well, I'll meet you at the Walmart.

All right, goddammit.

Motherfucker, I'll see you there, motherfucker.

Shit.

Which Walmart?

Yeah, which Walmart?

Which is the one?

What's the one closest to Oz?

Yeah, I'm like, is it the one on Hunt Highway?

Yes.

Okay, we'll do that.

All right.

How long does it take you to get there?

Is your wife coming?

Huh?

Is your wife going to come?

I hope so.

No.

Why not?

I was talking to her at first.

I started this for her.

She sounds sexy as hell.

Oh, my.

You know what, dude?

Dude, shut your fucking mouth.

Yeah, let's bring that wife over.

Yeah.

Does she like the dog a lot?

You know what I mean?

Didn't I seem to care for that, too?

I like that humping the couch thing, man.

It was pretty good.

I lost my shit.

Very random.

I lost my shit in the middle of that.

Sorry.

I know.

A little lipstick tube got him, man.

Yeah, the direct shoot tube.

You just have to cuss at her.

I don't know about that dog humping the couch.

I know they need to compensate you because those are fighting guinea hens.

man. Those are fucking cocks fighting

Guinea hens. I'm so saying

what? I'm not cussing on you.

You ain't what? You ain't cussing on me.

Yeah, motherfucker. I ain't cussing

on you. I'm a pal.

I'm a friend.

I'm a pal. That's what you say.

You even laughed on that one.

Alright, someone has a new number.

Lost all contacts. You gotta be

stupid idiot to lose all your contacts

these days. Did we ever really get any new numbers?

Or was that just a joke?

Oh, yeah. He does have numbers, yeah.

Oh, let me look at them. Fine.

You're right. Let me get it.

She claims they're good numbers.

I don't know.

She has good numbers.

Alright, a gas station in the UK

overcharging customers by

10 pounds. Okay, what's that new

dollar? And then smashed her

Fuck, I don't know what the conversion rate

is. That's the chat room.

What's the conversion rate? Pounds to dollars?

I don't know. Pounds to dollars.

I'm going to ask them.

It's a 24-hour place, and they smashed a lady's windscreen when she complained about the overcharge of 10 pounds.

What is it, 10 pounds per customer, or was it 10 pounds per liter, I guess?

There's less liters than a gallon of liquor.

$16.

Whoa.

He said $16 or $15.

I don't know.

Was it per liter?

Hey, is this Bhenchod?

Pardon?

Is this Bhenchod?

Bhenchod.

You?

Bhenchod?

BP Vestigev?

Yeah, BP gas station.

Yeah, I had to ask about something.

Are you...

But this isn't Vestigev, yeah?

Yeah, but you're Bhenchod, right?

You're a Bhenchod, right?

Bhenchod?

Yeah, Bhenchod.

You know, Bhenchod?

Are you Kutia, you know?

Sorry, man.

I don't know Kutia.

What's the name?

Yeah.

How many fathers do you have?

Sorry, you want to gas, gas, yeah?

Yeah.

You know, after 6 o'clock, you know, other guys selling.

I don't know the exact number.

How many fathers do you have?

I got plenty, but I'm not sure about this.

Oh, okay.

How many dicks you suck?

How many dicks do you suck?

15 dicks?

Like 15 dicks you suck?

Yeah.

Okay.

If you want, just two minutes, man.

Just go look outside, yeah.

Do you like to kiss man or kiss woman?

I don't know.

You're not sure yet?

I don't know.

Huh?

Man or woman?

Sorry.

Are you...

If you come to me today morning, I just want to look at you straight away.

Fuck you, stupid.

Sorry?

Fuck you, stupid.

I guess he understood that.

Whatever.

He was just agreeing.

I don't know.

How many dicks?

You know, I like 50.

The fuck he comes with 15 from?

Pulling numbers out of his ass.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

15?

They said it's $1.51 for every pound.

Does that sound right?

Yeah, sure.

Yeah.

That's right, it's bigger than a dollar

That would make sense

It used to be twice that back in the day

Yeah, man, fucking euro

Whatever, that doesn't make any sense

Here's a different number

Same thing, I don't know

Nunu sent in two numbers from the same place

But he already answered, I'll try the other

He said that the first number he sent me was wrong

But that was funny though

That was worth it, okay

This is the right number for the place

That's funny

Still a BP station

That was pretty good

Yeah

Like 15 you know

15

Hey that scat

You got scat there

Do you have scat

You can come in the morning

I don't know

Are you Bhenchod

Yeah

Are you Bhenchod

No you come after 8 o'clock

Oh

You fuck fucking shit

Shit, stupid, shit, stupid, fuck, stupid, shit, fucking, no, fuck, fucking you, fuck

you, shit, you heard him back there, he said shit, bullshit, they're looking up shit, shit,

shit, what is shit, oh my god, he said, you shit, you go to Dakar, you sound pretty Punjabi

too, man, Punjabi, then I can say, I forgot to try, damn it,

Whatever Kutia means.

They always say Kutia in the middle of Terra Mariland.

Like, Kutia.

Whatever that one means.

I don't know.

All right.

Anyway, here's Dennis again, who has lost the phone and doesn't have the contacts anymore.

Maybe it's Denise.

It says D-E-N-I-S, like penis with a D.

I'll say D-E-N-I-S.

Penis, August.

Come on.

Come on, penis.

Your call has been forwarded to Telus.

I've got to try again.

I want to call him penis instead of D-E-N-I-S.

His name D-E-N-E-S.

I'm putting a P and stuff.

Like, oh, I'm sorry.

Hello?

Shit, it's going to voicemail.

Maybe not.

Still, I'm done.

Down with it.

Andrew says, new cell phone.

Finally, new number.

Text me your name and something.

And I'll do something.

Andrew.

What up, who's that?

Hey, did you say that you have a new cell phone?

You sent me a message here?

Who's this here?

this is cross yeah we're uh you sent me a message that you got a new cell phone finally

congratulations motherfucker oh yeah who's this uh my name is cross

are you in the middle of doing math uh fucker okay i think he was i i think he showed the

phone up his ass and was talking to you right that moment because that didn't sound clear at

Disturbance

Well those rectal sounds

Take it out of your phone

Out of your ass man

Talk on the mic

You need fake static

In order to get off the phone

Okay

Why would you find the need

To do that instead of

Just hanging up

That was funny

Who does it anymore

Phones just drop now

I don't know dude

Phones just drop

They don't go

Anymore

They haven't for a long time

Used to be able to

Nobody has analog anymore

That's why

No one has analog

Funny

Dumbass

all right let's try to call fish man again what do you say milkman milkman oh heck yeah man

fishman good evening thanks for calling renaissance boston waterfront this is mika

hey horse i need to speak to fishman chuck fishman give me just a moment thank you horse

horse horse horse horse horse oh hey man how you doing man this black man how you doing man

Is this Fishman?

Hello?

Hey, is this Fishman?

I can barely hear you, man.

Are you there?

Is this Fishman?

Chuck Fishman?

You got his room.

How can I help you?

Yeah, I'm Blackman.

Milkman.

And how you doing?

Milkman gave me a call, man.

He said, hey, man.

Fishman needs some help, man.

So I'm going to be driving.

He's help finding the milkman.

I'm going to be driving.

I'll send him your way.

I'm going to be driving the boat, man.

i like that guy i like the character

got his room he must have some guests he's entertaining males there sounds like

yeah it's several men they're having a good time watching tv all right someone has a free

Free haul-off service.

They'll haul your shit, appliances or anything, metal, junk, metal,

and see if they can haul a whole side of the house or something.

Yeah, is this the haul-off service?

Steven?

Yes.

Hey, buddy.

Yes, it sure is.

Hey, I'm in a wheelchair, and I got a few things in my house I need hauled off.

You maybe can sell them for scrap and shit, right?

Excuse me?

I didn't hear you.

You could probably sell them for scrap and shit like that?

Oh, yeah.

can i tell you what i got see if you can take the shit okay all right i need you to take off

the garage door um inside there's a washing machine you take that i want you to take the

dryer i want you to take the water heater okay okay um there's metal shelving on the side i

want you to take all that i want you to take all the stuff that's on the shelves i have like

Like little things, oil and all the tools, craftsman tools.

You can take that and take the lawnmower, okay?

Okay.

He said something about a garage door, right?

Yeah, you can take the garage door.

Yeah, it's made out of metal.

Okay.

Yeah.

And I got this big, I got a big copper still there.

It's made out of pure copper.

You can take that.

It's a copper what?

A copper still for making whiskey.

Oh, it's a copper still?

Okay.

You can take that, do whatever the fuck you want with that motherfucker, get it out of here.

Yep.

Okay.

And then you can take the door that goes inside the house, and then inside you can take anything, you know.

You can take the refrigerator, the sink, you can take out the wood, the floor, take that.

Hello?

Yeah.

Yeah, you can saw off big chunks of the concrete in the garage and take that if you want.

We only take metal.

Only metal.

Yeah, I got a lot of metal shit.

And after you take all that stuff, you can put them right up your ass.

What the hell?

See, I lost you right there, man.

There's a correction on the list, I guess.

We missed a call for some piglets for sale right about the last number.

Piglets for sale.

Squirrel like a pig now.

From Nunu?

From Nunu, Muffin?

Ken?

I don't know.

Ken?

I don't know.

And this one, piglets, feeder pigs, oh, okay, I marked the wrong one then, okay, that was

the wrong one, all right, good, good, but yeah, well, but I want to call this guy back

first, because that's kind of fun.

No, no, no, I was just passing, that's fair.

All right, I'll get to it, thank you.

I can't see.

We have reached the voice.

They won't pick up again.

All right, we'll get to the pigs.

Okay.

Feeder pigs for sale, 80 bucks per piglet, they weigh 50 pounds, so why feed it, because

Because we can feed on them, you know.

No piggies.

All right, so we got Mariah.

Pigs in a blanket.

No piglets.

Oh, shitty.

All right.

We'll set on another call another time.

I guess so.

Mariah says that she's single again, and on a serious note, fuck love, I'm done.

Trying to keep the rude, try to keep the rude comments to yourself.

Text me if you need me.

How about we call her and see if she wants to fuck?

Yeah, well, like, you ought to, like, not bring that up for the first minute.

No, no, no.

Okay, at least give her five minutes to get a little bit wet, dude, before you, you know, slam her in the ass.

I think this is going to be a quick one if she does pick up.

Hang on, let me get a friend in there.

Okay, I see.

Yeah, hit and run, right?

Hello?

Hey, what's up?

Is that Mariah?

Hey, Jake.

Hey, um, this is Eddie.

I'm friends, well, one of your friends told me, I guess, that you're single.

Candy?

You know Candy?

No.

candy candy simbro yeah yeah yeah she said she's your friend and you just got you're just single

as of not too long ago yeah yeah um i guess she said that she thinks me and you probably

be able to hook up you know that we we need a wife that we need to kick it you know like hook up

oh like i'm totally down like i'm just i've been bored uh oh my name is my name is eddie eddie

cross okay yeah i'm a i run a i run a it technology company we make uh games game apps for the phones

yeah and i got a lot of money okay i got a i got a nice car yeah i drive a bugatti and you know i

like to take you on a ride you know take you for a ride and shit motherfucker um this is weird yeah

Yeah, well, you know how Candy is, right?

She's crazy.

Like, you know Candy pretty well, I guess, or no, not really.

Yeah, I do.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I've been in a few threesomes with her, you know, and we're kind of cool.

And then we hooked up on the side.

I'm hoping you knew about this.

Maybe I shouldn't tell you about this.

It's kind of personal, now that I think about it.

You there?

Well, I don't even know what to say.

yeah don't tell her don't tell candy i told you about that i thought she might have told you or

something yeah but yeah she they're you know they're swingers you know and she gave you my

number yeah because she said you might be down i guess you know she said that you're not into

the swinging scene but you know no no no no i don't i don't she doesn't want to do a threesome

me you and her or anything like that nothing like that yeah i know yeah no it's like she thinks me

mean you should fuck like just maybe she's trying to help you out um she paid for uh she paid for

three hours she paid for three hours what do you mean she paid for three hours for three hours of

time you know for me to be with you like she paid for it she paid you yeah yeah that's what i do

i think she said something about like you were real bummed out that you were single now

she wanted you to have a good time and get get him off your mind so yeah okay um why would she pay

you um because i'm you know i'm kind of like a male escort you're a male escort yep i usually

deal with older women but yeah she's one of my regulars and she said that you know you really

needed it so yeah just giving a call see when you want to set that up like i'm free tonight unless

you're out of weight till during the week that's cool i just have to make sure it's okay with my

schedule okay like whenever i'm already paid so it's whenever you want you know what i mean like

you can wait for however long till you feel like you want to get freaky and then just give me a

call then um did you have any questions did you have any questions about me like i i don't want

to fuck i mean i mean i would hang out well yeah i mean it's kind of a waste of money but

that's kind of weird i'm sure yeah whatever you want i already got paid like i said three hours

Of course. You can do whatever you want with me for three hours.

Okay.

All right.

Okay. All right. So what day this week? You want to wait?

Are you free tonight?

Yeah, sure. Sure. Yeah, I could do that. Totally.

You want to just text me back with your address and I'll come by?

Yeah, sure.

All right. Sounds good. All right. I'm going to go take a quick shower and put on my sexy clothes, okay?

All right.

alright I'll see you soon bye

I wanted to get out of it

I was getting started

she's like yeah I guess you could

come over I was trying to message you dude

yeah I was like tell her to describe herself

to you that's what I wanted to hear I'm sure it was going to be

something great

tell her you want to do oral sex you like

she obviously believes

that her friend Candy

has threesomes

with this dude

and that she paid for him to be with her

every three hours

and cheer her.

I'm supposed to call

Black Camp.

Oh my God.

That's going to be awkward

when they talk tomorrow.

Huh?

Maybe she'll even text you.

Oh, she's probably

going to text her now

like, did you just

fucking really?

What?

I would never.

Oh, that's funny.

Okay.

She got interested.

Yeah, you know,

she said,

fuck.

She wanted to serve.

That's interesting

that she was so,

yeah, willing.

Here's someone

who's selling some farm eggs.

This is going to

take a shower

and put on my sexy clothes.

Yes, I said that.

I sure got away with the ladies, guys.

Next, Troy is...

What was that one joke you said?

What, 50 inches of lust or something like that?

Yeah, 54 inches of lust.

New year, new job, new crib, new number.

This is Troy who sends this to us.

Well, I'm sorry.

This is Troy who posted that message.

So let's call his new number.

Yeah.

Thank you, Troy.

Hey, how you doing?

You got a new phone.

What is it?

You got a new phone.

phone yeah who's this i'm a sexual pervert oh yeah no i saw your message you got your uh said

yeah i got a new phone everybody yeah who's this my name is cross cross where i know you from well

you're on my facebook you're i obviously know you i think we went to school school together school

yeah yeah how you doing boy how's it been good when'd you get out when'd you get out

I don't know what to do with that.

What'd you get out?

That's racist.

Racist.

All right.

Lynette.

One-year-old German shepherd husky mix for sale.

Yeah.

Got her a few days ago.

She isn't working out with her family.

Free day at a good home machine.

Sorry, I'm just looking here at her.

All right.

Here we go.

The voicemail box of.

Pass.

We got any of the UK numbers left?

Back at noon.

Yes, noon who sent in more.

He said he had some more.

Yeah, he did.

All right, let me get them.

Yeah.

Okay.

what do we got here uh hamid nagiba abdul hamid okay yeah

Yeah, hi, is that Nagiba, Abdul Hamid?

From telephone?

From where?

From the telephone.

From where? What do you got there?

My house? Oh, yeah, because I'm going to come for breakfast.

Yeah, will you make me some breakfast?

What do you make? Do you make some porridge?

Oh, I'm calling from my telephone, my house.

It's here.

I'm number 30, Furnace Road.

Yeah, I'm coming over.

You're going to make breakfast for me?

And, you know, do you have orange juice?

Or what do you eat for breakfast?

Samosas?

What the fuck do you eat, motherfucker?

What do you eat for breakfast?

What are we going to have for breakfast?

I'm coming.

Do you have eggs?

Yeah, do you have eggs?

Okay.

He's checking for eggs.

He's going to come back.

No, I have no eggs.

I'm out of eggs.

no I have one two three three eggs two eggs I have two eggs I'm so horny he just had two eggs

hello how many eggs do you have okay hello I'm horny hello I'm horny hello probably he's um he's

I'm muting myself to him oh damn it hello hello hello mr sir look we're still connected I think

he's covering the phone so we can't hear his conversation anymore I think it's funny that

he's reporting as if they're they're like telling him so what i can call him back because he's not

he's gonna be busy i think let me see he had it still connected he just was attending to

the other phone he was covering it should have stayed on trying to be slick someone make a

photo of me can't make a fun on me yeah that's pretty good all right here's our ben abdul rahman

I wasn't making fun.

I just asked if I could come over for breakfast.

How's that making you fun?

I just asked how many eggs do you have?

I don't know, dude.

What the fuck did I say?

How many eggs?

Exactly.

He said, what, is it four o'clock in the morning?

yeah he says make a fun every week that's a good one yeah we'll have to put him on our regular

call this hi there

we're sorry your call could not be completed error code four eight zero

I hung up right before that damn beep.

Killed us once already.

It's a good time.

All right.

Well, we're at our new, new number.

New, new number.

No more new, new number.

No new news.

All right.

Well, thanks.

That was actually a pretty decent list, man.

Good job, Nunes.

For a change.

Shit.

Yeah, man.

Good thing about, man.

So we need motherfuckers.

That's great.

Yes.

All right.

Someone has free rats.

Hey, you need to prep us over in Wankershire, England.

Someone has free rats.

Two of them are one year old.

two of them are six months and four of them are babies two months no answer hello you read

debbie vinnie jc see told you all right here's a free dog a free dog i want to eat a dog

you like experiments on it is it smart enough to do experiments on would it try to bite you

coming up next

ayna has a free dog

ayna anal without the l

hello

have a dog something tells me she's her uh-oh no she's familiar with the term hello yes i'm sorry

is it hello is it anna hello hello yeah is that anna anna fuck her liar wow i'm not muted ask her

about the dog all right we got uh for sale rottweiler pups dog that will kill you and eat

you if you piss it off definitely hey hello hello hello hello hello hello hello yes can you hear me

barely barely yes oh no hi my name is cross uh how can i help you do you have rottweilers

uh yes i do okay how old are they uh they were born in december 3rd okay um so how old are they

They're about six weeks.

How many months is that?

Six weeks.

How many months is that, though?

It's about one and a half months.

Okay.

All right.

Are they boys or girls?

They're boys.

Do they kiss each other?

Huh?

Do they kiss each other?

Do they what?

Kiss each other.

I don't understand what you're saying.

Do they kiss each other?

The dogs?

Yeah.

I don't know what to say.

What do you mean you don't know what to say?

Come on.

do they kiss each other yes or no that's it that's all you gotta say what do you talk about

do they lick each other the puppies yes yeah the oh see that means they're you know a little gay

um are you kanaka huh are you kanaka no no no you're howley which one you're howley uh come

on man i need help man come on my man i need help maybe i am having trouble with my audio i don't

know maybe i just wanted your output no you i've been hearing people say what for a long time

about your output audio i'm just wondering you know can you verify it

hang on let me uh restart that application

all right well let's ask the guy do i sound better yet he's gonna say

he's not gonna answer fuck him i don't like him beautiful pearl white wedding dress for sale all

right let's ask about sex in it hey you got some pearl you got hello hello yeah you got a pearl

white wedding dress oh yeah hang on a second fucking shit oh yes hey honey how are you hi um

you're interested in the wedding dress yeah the wedding dress yeah yeah did you wear it honey

yes yeah do you have uh pictures of you in it that i could see is this for your fiancee yeah

uh date side number are you in guam yeah may i ask who i'm speaking to my name is cross i'm on

on the base i'm on the base you know i live on the base motherfucker okay uh is there a website

that you have that i can send a photo i have a website you can yeah would you like can you go

to it now so i can see you have a website yeah you can just go there and it'll come up you can

send it to me the picture there what did he say okay i'll let you know what the wedding dress is

now i mean i'm sorry the um website and i'll go ahead and look it up right now all right

Are you at the computer now?

Yes.

All right.

It's Glory, G-L-O-R-Y, whole, H-O-L-E, foundation.com.

And you should see like a green tree.

I see it.

Enter that thing?

Yep.

Okay.

Oh, dear God.

Thanks.

Got him again.

Yeah.

We must have lost her there.

What did we miss?

She fell for the G-H-F.

I am the G-H-F man tonight.

Love it.

Got her good.

Jai, I don't love that.

He loves those songs.

Ken reports.

He's looking at the logs.

According to the logs, she's still on the site.

Still can't get off of it.

It's being watched now by Dashie or Ken and or Ken.

Get off of it.

Let me call and see if I can help them.

She watched it for 11 seconds.

Thanks for the website.

It's awesome, man.

Appreciate it.

Oh, I think I gave you the wrong one.

No, you didn't give me the wrong one.

I'm sorry.

It was a practical joke.

Isn't it great?

I like that stuff, too.

I like looking at it.

I have your number now.

That's my favorite kind of porno.

It's okay.

I have your number now.

It's my favorite kind of porno.

I wanted your wife to see it.

Yeah.

See, that's awesome.

She saw it, and I was imagining her in her wedding dress seeing it.

Oh, yeah?

That's awesome, man.

That is awesome.

Luckily, I have the number, and I work for the police here, so that's awesome.

So I'll forward that number to my colleagues.

Appreciate it.

I have a diplomatic community.

I work on the base.

Shit.

I'm sure the Guam police is going to get right on this.

But Guam forces are moving in right now, closing in on your site right now.

You are under predator drone surveillance now.

Oh, that was great.

Oh, my God.

She only lasted 11 seconds, man, which is what failed from the site.

Still, that's pretty good.

That's pretty shocking, man.

11 seconds and that's all it took.

Oh, my God.

Have you ever done it, Milkman?

Have you ever done it just to try it?

I do.

I did once.

Oh, I haven't.

I'm afraid to go over there because I don't know what I'm going to see or what will happen.

Dude, I've never won.

It just opens up a bunch of porn images on a window and you can't close them.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, it's really funny.

Oh, yeah?

Oh.

You get close.

There's sound, too.

I forget what the sound is.

Oh, wow.

I check it.

The only reason I check it now is to see if it's changed or different or updated.

That's the only reason why I go there on purpose.

Joe Knives.

You got to crash to get it to shut down?

Or you got to go to, like, the task manager and stop the browser?

Yeah, actually, if you're using Chrome, you can just right-click on it, I think.

Chrome handles it pretty well.

They still pop up, but it's easier to manage.

but like if you're using ie forget it it's all over the place hello yeah hi i see you have some

knives yes uh is there a man i can talk to about them or um right now my husband is sleeping oh

were you just fucking him and you knocked him out hello were you just having sex with him and now he

got sleepy tired sex tired oh hello did you give him some pineapple okay i think so she must have

figured it out making sexy with us yeah and ken confirms in the last two in the last two minutes

last three minutes there were 20 hits on the foundation people checking it out hello yeah hi

we get disconnected yes um can you wake husband up or did you really give it to him hard um i

I can call you back.

I can call you back later on.

Oh, man.

Are you busy now?

I'm right now because he came from work, so.

Oh.

I didn't think he was going to get up right now.

Oh, well, you can go fuck him now in the bed and wake him up, you know, a little bit.

Oh, maybe you.

You want me to fuck you?

Are you calling me up for like that?

Yeah, let's fuck me and you.

You're calling me for like that thing?

Well, I want the knives.

I was looking at your knife collection for $20.

So you don't need to say anything bad like that.

oh because usually like when the man comes home he eats something and then gets fucked by the wife

yeah right you know what you should shut up your mouth no you shut up your mouth and stop calling

people and saying something stupid words fuck you kanaka grow up okay bye piece of shit motherfucker

you stuck there for a while oh boy she was pretty happy with this man

You call for that?

Yeah.

Well, she said she could call back later.

You could call back for the husband.

Maybe he'll help her.

He just come home from work.

Parakeets for sale.

Those little motherfuckers are so annoying.

$10.

I had a parakeet that would sing.

He was a cool guy.

Oh.

Cool guy.

Oh, no.

Bullshit.

The cockatiel talked.

Cockatiel, yeah.

The parakeets are just dumb as fuck.

That's the one that's got the crest that goes up and down, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, the parakeets are smaller, and they're just stupid.

Cockatiel or Cockatoo?

Cockatiel.

I get them mixed up.

No, Cockatiel's a small one.

Cockatoo's a big-ass one.

Okay, yeah, not the one that Beretta had, the little ones I'm talking about.

Beretta had one?

I never saw, I never seen one episode of Beretta.

Yeah, yeah, Cockatoo.

He had a Cockatoo.

He had, like, the big one.

It was Beretta Bill Shatner, right?

No, no, no.

That was T.J. Hooker.

Who was Beretta?

A little before my time.

Robert.

Robert Blake?

Yeah, it was Robert Blake.

You're right, yeah, because he killed his girlfriend or his wife or whatever, right?

Yeah, that deal, that guy.

No answer there.

Clay's got a parrot.

That's funny, man.

That's cool.

Hey, Clay, why don't you have the parrot do some calls with you, man, and repeat some shit?

I'd like to have a parrot.

We'll record it.

There's so many.

Hey, fuck you, fuck you.

The feathers are everywhere when you get a bird like that.

and god like when they're molting they get real cranky and they'll bite you and they'll squawk

yes hi you have steel batons no you have steel batons no you have steel batons uh yeah yeah yes

i want to hit you over the head with them i want to hit you over the head with them you

you dumb motherfucker.

What's your problem, dude?

Oh, I want to see the steel batons

and maybe buy them.

I am on the base.

I'm on the base, motherfucker.

Bye.

Hello.

There he goes.

Here's what I figured out.

Milkman, when we're calling Guam,

they're having a few second delay.

That's why they're saying

I can barely hear you and shit.

Yeah.

The lines to Guam are clogged up.

So you have to pause when you talk.

Yes, that's what's going on.

So, yeah.

But we're moving out of Guam now, and now we're going to Honolulu.

Honolulu.

And a room to share for $600.

A big draft.

You got room for me?

Hey, boy.

How you doing?

Hey, I see you have a room to share.

Yes.

Oh, nice.

It's a nice room.

Nice.

A bed comes with it, or I bring bed?

You bring the bed.

Okay.

And who am I sharing it with?

With a woman or a man?

A man.

The information is on the ad.

No, it says, hey, listen, damn it.

It says $600 robe to share available.

That's all it says.

Oh, well, there's the details.

Oh, okay.

Is it a white man or is it Kanaka that I sleep with?

It's a black person.

Oh, God.

Like black, black?

Like dark, dark black?

Sorry.

Oh, shit.

That's horrible what I just did.

I'm sorry, guys.

He seems a little facetious.

i'm not kidding you listen when i i went on a date with a black girl once and that's exactly

how my mom reacted when i told her i was 20 20 years old and i told her i was going on a date

with a black girl and she reacted she's like like is she like really black black or like i'm like

mom like you always taught me like not to be racist and shit and she's like i don't really

it's like people that like are uh pro-life except for when it comes or pro-choice

except if it came to go down south thing dude this thing too man like because you're from florida man

so and plus a lot a lot of latins don't necessarily you know choose to get along with the blacks

either from those days from your mom's time so yeah it would have been different i remember my

grandma man it's like you know talking about you know collars and negros you know i mean you know

that was that was how they talked in those days that's what yeah i'm in puerto rico this

Oh, no, my grandma would have kicked my ass if I said I wanted to date her.

That's call her.

Yeah, hi, hi.

You have a room for rent?

Hello?

You have a room for rent?

Oh, it's taken already.

Oh, fucking shit.

It's taken already.

You fucking shit motherfucker.

Yeah, it is shit.

Fuck you.

Fuck you too.

Now, up your asshole, you stupid motherfucker.

Oh, shut up again.

Yeah, son of a gun.

Dude, shut up.

I'm a cowboy.

Son of a gun.

Now, shut up.

Whoa.

Wow.

Shut up.

up. Sounds like Mickey from Rocky.

Up, you son of a bitch.

Hi, this is Mel. Please leave your message.

Thank you. I really want to talk to

Asian Rocky. No,

Asian Mickey again. Come on.

Somebody said they're going to make Rocky

live. Is that true? Yeah, he's

doing another one, yeah. That's what I hear.

And he's in his 60s. Yeah, I thought I saw him on Facebook.

Yeah, and a new Rambo

too. You know, the new Rocky was pretty

good. The last one they did in

10 songs, it was like maybe 8 years ago.

It was a good Rocky and that Rambo they did back

Hi, this is Mel.

Please leave your message.

Thank you.

All right.

No Mickeys.

Like an angel on your shoulder, T.

You ever get hurt and you feel that you're going down?

Ladies, what about me?

Mickey loves you.

Yeah, that's him.

You son of a bitch.

Yeah, you son of a bitch.

Son of a bitch.

The new Rambo's called Last Blood, apparently.

Is that for real?

Mike Dadani says it's not cool.

Makes sense.

Okay.

You know what?

A lot of people didn't catch.

I hope, you know, I caught it.

at the end of the the latest rambo i think it was just called rambo um the last scene he is at

uh he's walking up to a house and he's at the at the end of the long driveway and it's there's a

mailbox there and it says rambo and

that's his dad's house

like if you remember in the first movie in first blood he was on his he was walking on his way to

his dad's house after you know leaving the war or whatever it was oh okay so at the time what

in the first movie yeah well the whole thing was he was trying to walk to see his dad he was a

vagrant kind of just traveling on the street and on his way there the the one cop in the one town

was a dickhead to him and freaked him out and he went into the woods and killed a bunch of cops

so he finally at the end of that when he finally gets to see his good you know see his dad it's

awesome it was awesome i caught it at least when i saw it no one else in the movie theater saw it

no one else aside when it was like no what are you talking about you're stupid i know that's

what's what happened there motherfucker yeah nice so now they're gonna end it with the last blood

i hope he i hope he just kills himself in the end like real vietnam vietnam

like that he goes not all of us killed herself man some of us just went crazy

I can't call

I'm going to take a break

And then we're going to come back

This is what I've decided

I hope you're going to stay

Milkman when we come back

We have more numbers

we've got some more of these

shits for sale, rooms for rent

we've got some UK numbers

that just came in from new news straight off

the box machine, I'm excited about that

we've got those to look forward to

and yeah

I guess more stuff, I don't know what else

a whole bunch of shit motherfucker

milkman maybe gonna do a prank call

when we come back, maybe

hey man, I'm getting better

and joining us

I believe we've got Dwight is out there

He's going to be joining us.

Neon's going to be on.

And we have a big announcement after this.

Did you hear back from Jin Stewart?

Nope, man.

He said he might join us.

I talked to him earlier and got a message.

Now I'm waiting to see, you know, here.

And I'll check over the break.

I'll let you know.

Cool.

Jin Stewart might be joining us after the break.

Excellent.

All right.

Be right back, everybody.

Give me about 10 minutes.

We're going to play a prank call by Mr. Dwight.

And then a prank call by me.

Boo!

Be right back.

Try it out, okay?

Listening to the largest

incognition.

The video will be back right after this.

What's gonna happen now, huh?

Ring again, okay? I already did, stupid.

I'll do it again. Ring again.

Put me through to the... I want a man.

I want to talk to a supervisor.

What?

What do you want to talk to him for?

Are you gonna complain?

Okay, hang on.

Hello? Yeah, this is Eddie Garcia.

What's up, yo? Hello?

Hello, this is Eddie.

Pardon?

This is Eddie, yo.

How are you doing?

Just a second.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, this is Eddie.

You said you want to talk to a manager, yo.

What do you want?

This is your manager.

Yeah, don't bother me.

Don't call again, okay?

Go fuck yourself, you stupid asshole.

Peace off.

I'll do that right now.

You ready?

No, it doesn't work.

Yeah, peace off.

I just did.

Okay.

What's with the reverse psychology?

All of a sudden, the prank victims are asking to talk to my manager.

I'm the one that says that all the time.

What the?

Wait, so I'm kind of stupid?

Listen, listen.

This is Austin.

What?

Yeah, I know.

Listen, I called earlier.

Some woman was talking to me.

You know who that is?

Some who?

I talked to you, you stupid.

And this woman was talking to me.

It's Sunshine Kebabs.

What did you call?

I want to make an order for fucking kebabs and shit.

You want to do orders?

For fucking kebabs and shit.

Excuse me?

I want to make an order.

Yeah.

Can I make an order, please?

Okay.

What would you like?

I would like, uh, kebabs, kebab, uh, you have lamb meat.

Listen.

No bet.

Monkey.

Is that small or large?

Large.

Excuse me?

Yeah.

I want a small or large?

Yes, monkey.

I want large, please.

Okay, you have to, you have to learn, finally, how can you speak, okay?

You don't need to be rude.

I'm not doing kebab for you, okay?

No, please, please, I'm hungry.

Please.

Okay, you can come there.

No, I'm sorry, asshole monkey.

Um, I'm sorry, donkey.

oh it's you again huh listen i only speak to men put the man on the phone again please

he says unless you're coming in for a kebab then he's not speaking i'm coming in so put him on

tell him yes to put him on because i'm coming in um he says okay no tell him this they'll not say

he's an asshole again on the phone right now or there's going to be trouble for you i'm talking

to you missy you put him on the phone now or you you are going to be back there

You said there was going to be trouble for us.

Oi, what is there going to be trouble?

You want me to hang up?

Ten minutes ago, a guy tried to break into my truck.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Yes, he's a long-legged, tough-ass Puerto Rican.

Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.

He mellowed right down last night.

He's like, yeah, I'm medicated.

Hello?

Hey, where's Joe at?

Um, he's sleeping.

Wake him up.

Well, who is this?

What?

Who is this?

Yeah, this is Dwight.

Go get Joe, Marie.

Go get him, bitch.

Who is this?

This is Dwight.

I got the package.

The package came today.

I need fucking Joe.

Tell Joe to get on the phone.

Put out there.

I'm not going to get on the phone after you just called me a bitch.

You're on the phone.

I want Joe on the phone, you fucking puta.

That was me.

I'm sorry.

I'm going to hang up now.

No, you're not.

No, you're not, bitch.

You're going to get Joe.

No, I'm going to hang up because you called me a fucking bitch.

I did not.

It wasn't me.

Bitch, you don't have permission to hang up the phone.

I just said bitch.

I didn't say fucking, you stupid whore.

Hey, you ever fuck Joel?

You ever let Joel's friends fuck you while he watch?

Come on, baby.

Hey, bitch.

Ew.

Yeah, I know, dude.

Carlos is usually the one playing that vibe.

You nasty bitch.

She's flushing her bloody tampons.

I don't know why they're asking for you.

Who is this?

Hey, Joel.

Who is this?

Yeah, tell Marie she's got a fucking attitude problem, huh?

Who is this?

Yeah, this is Dwight.

Who?

Dwight.

I got the package.

Package?

Your wife, she ordered like three dozen vibrators.

I'm trying to get them to you.

Are you, you fucking weasel?

Don't raise your voice to me, motherfucker.

Fuck you.

You want to fight?

You want to fist fight?

Yeah, why don't you meet me at Walmart?

We'll fist fight, motherfucker.

You fucking piece of shit motherfucker, eh?

Yeah, we'll fight.

Well, you got a lot of fucking balls flowing in my fucking phone call, my wife, that you

fucking piece of shit.

You want to fucking meet me like a fucking junior?

Let's go right now, you fucking goose.

Well, you want to meet me.

Calm down, Super Mario.

I'm going to tell you what's going to happen, and after I beat you, I beat you down, then

my friend, he's going to come over and he's going to shit on your face.

I know your fucking voice, you piece of shit.

I know your fucking voice, you fucking fag.

Who is it then?

Who is it?

Who is it then?

It's KDK.

Why don't you be mad enough and tell me who you are, you fucking piece of shit?

If you know this voice, then you tell me, motherfucker.

Tell me who you are, you piece of shit.

You want to meet me at Walmart right now, you fucking goof?

You meet me at the Walmart, and I'm telling you, after I beat you...

You want to meet me there, you fucking idiot, huh?

After I beat you, I'm going to shit on your chest.

I'm going to shit on your chest.

Oh, fuck.

You wish you could, eh?

You'll never beat fucking Joe Bracken.

Oh, yeah?

I think his wife hung up the phone.

Joe, you're getting too excited.

Hey, what's up?

What?

Hey, what the fuck, Joe?

You on your way or what, you puta?

Hey, George.

Hey, you on your way?

Hi, Thunder.

Hey, you...

Hey, don't call me by that name.

Hey, you on your way?

I'm going to have another beer.

Hey, Sunder.

It's you, isn't it, huh?

Huh?

Is this Sunder?

Listen, I'm going to take your wife down this time.

Little piece of shit.

You little piece of shit, eh?

You fucking weasel.

Oh, yeah?

That's who this is, isn't it?

I'm going to finger your wife's pussy.

That fucking little nigger Sunder, eh?

I'm going to finger your wife's pussy.

It's that little nigger Sunder, isn't it, eh?

You fucking goof.

Hey, don't do that.

That's that little nigger Sunder, isn't it, eh?

Can I come over?

Fucking nigger.

You like beating on my daughter, you fucking goof?

I ain't that cool, no.

You a fucking goof?

How old is your daughter?

Maybe I do.

You a fucking piece of shit?

She did more than beat on her.

I fucked her too.

Your daughter asked for it.

That's why she got beat up.

Fucking whore.

Hey, won't you uncover the phone?

It's Thunder, bitch.

You already have our name.

Uncover the phone.

This is Big Bag Thunder, ese.

Thunder was the shittiest character in Killer Ink's name.

Hey, won't you uncover the phone?

We can't hear you, fucker.

Come on, Joe.

Hey, Joe.

What?

Hey, uncover the phone, motherfucker.

Yeah, hit me your name.

Yeah.

You know who I am.

Why don't you give me your name, huh?

They call me White Chocolate.

I'll have to phone you and I'll fucking moth off like that, but you won't give me your name, you little fucking nigger.

What's your name?

They call me White Chocolate.

What's your name, fucking goof?

Hey, give me your fucking name, piece of shit.

Oh, yeah?

Well, you're a piece of shit for having the last name Burke.

I'm in jail.

If you call somebody a goof, it's fight words.

You're a fucking goof, idiot.

You're a fucking goof if you wouldn't give me your name.

Dallas told us to call.

Your wife's pussy smells like rotten eggs.

You are a fucking goof, you know that?

You wouldn't know what the fuck my wife smells like, you fucking idiot, because she's way out of your class.

You're a fucking goof, you know that?

You're a piece of shit.

She'd sell me her pants.

Why don't you come here?

Hey, why don't you fucking come to where I live?

Hey, you fucking goof.

Oh, give me, better yet, meet me up at Walmart.

I'll go up there right now, tough guy.

Oh, yeah?

Hey?

Come on, motherfucker.

Come on.

Yeah, tell him, come give me a bus fare first, and get me up at Walmart, you fucking idiot.

We'll give you a bus fare there, eh, you fucking idiot?

You come.

What are you, like, a Mexican comedian?

Why didn't you give me your fucking show car truck and meet me up at Walmart?

You know what?

You're a fucking idiot.

Listen, motherfucker.

You know what?

You're a fucking idiot.

You know that?

You're not bad enough to give me your fucking name, are you?

Give me your name.

Dallas.

I know about the tattoo on your right forearm, motherfucker.

I don't have to listen, you fucking bitch.

Just give me your fucking name, goof.

I know about the tattoo on your right forearm, bitch.

All I need to know is your name, goof.

Give it to me.

Oh, yeah?

Give me your name, goof.

Hey, it's because you're a pussy.

Give me your name, goof.

Hey, listen.

How much for your wife's pussy?

You're a fucking goof.

Hey, you listen, you fucking goof, because I'm going to bend you over the nearest stoke

and shove something up your fucking ass and shoot you like my bitch, you piece of shit.

Okay, so you're okay now, right?

You're going to be my bitch.

And hey, you, you, I'm going to shove my cock in your fucking mouth, you dirty whore.

Yeah, right.

I'm going to fucking shoot your boyfriend like my bitch, hey?

I'm going to fucking shoot your boyfriend like my bitch.

What's the matter, dude?

Call in toll-free at 1-888-278-8509.

You know what I hope? That when you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trap door at the bottom.

So when you die, you open that trap door at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman. You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

Go, go, go, go. Hey, everybody.

We're back from break

I'm Carlito

I'm now joined by Milkman

Hi everybody

Dwight

Hey

I'm the dude

Neon

It's Neon

Hello

Neon you're our newest

Oh yeah I was gonna announce

Turn that music down

Neon is our newest host

On PCN

Yay Neon

Neon

What

Sexy Neon

Yeah

Legit

Do you have a night for your show or are you just going to go on whenever?

Yeah.

I'm going to let Dwight be the Jay Leno on Saturdays and I'll be the Conan right after him.

So I'll be.

There you go.

Jay Leno.

Just for a little bit.

The biggest douchebag in the history of sports.

No, no, that's not true.

No, I'm kidding.

No, I was just looking at maybe doing an after show from Dwight's show on Saturdays.

Okay.

I'm revamping my show.

No more N-words on my show anymore.

more no more no more did i say it's just gonna be like three hours of me asking people to fist

fight that's all it's gonna be okay all right no it's been it's been getting a little crazy

especially on your show good god this is going nuts everyone's just like inward this now you

got the listeners calling in those shows but hey that's on them that's on the listeners who call

in like funny we had fun last night though wow those guys are fucking insane last night yeah man

That was fun.

What's the song you had played for Milkman last night or whatever?

I want milk from the Milkman's wife's tits or something like that.

I don't know.

Sloth said that it was a favorite of everybody's.

So blame it on him.

I'm down.

Play it.

Nunu's found like four songs related to the word Milkman.

It's kind of funny.

He's sent me a few in the past over the years.

He's always on the lookout for Milkman.

I said you won, dude.

I think it was Anthrax.

it was an anthrax song yeah nope no it wasn't that anyway i know i sent you one

madhouse is the anthrax let me see if i can find new new milkman i don't think that's what it was

called if i put in milkman it's gonna be a bunch of madhouse stuff comes up yeah see i can't figure

it out for milkman if i put that in monty python comes in maybe that's it i've got a lovely bunch

of coconut so you sent that to me milkman uh ventrilo harassment youtube i don't see what

what it would be i can't play 2007 it's uh apex twins uh milkman apex twin has a milkman song

really yes oh i got it right here no never mind i got it i got an apex to milkman i would play that

oh no okay see if it says milkman yeah all right anyway we gotta do some pranks here's one that i

didn't get to on the first list that you sent me dwight this is a 475 dollars 64 square foot

rental to share. This is scary

music. Aphex Twin, I've tried to listen

to. There you go. This is the one

that Nunu sent before.

Nunu sent me the original version.

Apparently, you know what this song's about, right?

He wants to get cummed on?

It's about the milkman's tits.

The milkman's wife's tits?

Nope.

Oh, no.

Answer machine.

This is pretty jovial.

Oh, this is it.

Okay. Nice.

it's because it has your name that's great dude hell yeah it's got my name and it's even better

and you're married you're married in it you like that yeah oh i guess so man i'll find out man i'll

get my girl over here and we'll just start something else come here honey oh my god she's

a little shy it's my stuff it's my stuffed doll over there oh boy you didn't need to say that

your real doll i didn't need to hear that either all right here speaking of dolls

Shelby has a purebred Jack Russell Terrier for sale.

Would you do a real doll, Milkman?

Have you seen a real doll before?

Those really realistic sex dolls?

Hello?

Milkman?

Yes?

Would you have sex with a sex doll?

Like those real dolls that are really realistic?

Hello?

Oh, fuck, man.

Hey, Shelby, how you doing?

Actually, it's Cheryl.

It's a Shelby here, damn it.

You have a purebred Jack Russell Terrier?

Hello?

Cheryl?

Yes.

Yeah, you have a purebred Jack Russell Terrier for sale.

Yes, I actually have seven of them.

Oh, that's good.

That's good.

How old are these little guys?

They're three weeks old.

Okay.

Are their ears open and their eyes open and their sexual organs?

Yep.

Okay.

Their sexual organs are working?

Yep, everything's working.

Okay, good.

Yeah, I have one of those sex dolls, a fuck doll, and I popped it last night.

I got on top of it one too many times.

So I need something else to keep me company.

So I thought of Jack Russell.

yeah i popped it with my way yeah

did you see her picture carlito no what no picture you could hear me if you had a mic

no what is that autumn autumn whatever where's that's her it sounds way older than she looks

i'll tell you what i can't believe i said that's autumn that's that's horrible i was

rid of me i shouldn't let neon said that because neon hates her moving right along the next number

here yeah probably a good idea too yeah wes wessey wessey collier lost a lost a phone in the

mountains need everyone's number all right you want to take one dwight i've been doing pranks

all night sure i could take a break after my break great i guess i could take my medicine

oh shit's about to get live please leave your message for

Try again.

Apparently, Wessie is a girl.

It sounds like a dog.

I thought it was Wessie like a collie.

That's a dog's name.

All right, we got Troy who has a new phone also.

Please leave your message for 7-5.

Nothing like that new phone smell, right?

Don't you love it?

You got a new cell phone.

5-1-9-7-0.

No, no, no.

Stephanie, saved pit needs a new home.

Or we'll kill it.

No.

Or we'll trade.

trade for a beagle puppy. That's

horrible. You're going to trade?

Bitch. She's a hairstylist at Mastercuts.

You still got this?

Sure. After you ask her, she'll give you

the masturbator. Damn.

Damn fuck shit. It's been forwarded.

Do her again.

Pop it in there. Without asking.

You got it in there.

Name's Carol.

It's been forwarded to an automatic voice.

Quit making fun of me.

Oh, that guy was great.

Call him back.

I was sitting there listening and I thought I heard

the person on the other phone tell him to hang up

and see what happens.

Yeah, yeah.

I heard the British accent.

The proper British accent

from the police.

You can talk to him if you answer.

I really need my medicine.

Nope.

Damn, Bray killed it.

Here's Cheyenne. You know, it's a classy girl with that name.

And she is

selling her prom slash homecoming

dress. Not really set on a price

so give her an offer neon you do that you would wear a prom dress right yeah i did yeah you went

to prom wow awesome me too i know dwight did he was like the high school jock king of the school

like the yeah homecoming king or something probably prom king he's like he walked around

with a football all the time going he had a football at his at his uh speech like when he

went to get the crown don't fuck i ain't getting no goddamn crown i went to the prom man she

She had a big hotel party afterwards

And man oh man

Ended up getting pretty bad trash at the hotel

Ended up getting a lot of trouble later

But early on it was a lot of fun

I went to prom fucking three times

I went to two my junior and senior year

And then my fucking girlfriend's prom

The year after I graduated

Were you an escort?

See you guys

I'm sorry I didn't hear it

She's gone she said wrong number bye

Wow

That would have been a good call

yeah thanks for ruining my call you both did all three of you did no no all right you can get

austin instead he's an extremely in an extremely odd mood anyone text him and he's down for a good

conversation about anything yay okay cool you could do that right gotta beat the suicide watch

guy from last night yeah oh dude right that's great maybe he already did it it's something

and to stimulate his mind yeah sorry dude here's hayley who's asking if anyone wants to come over

and drink and play some pong okay ask her if pong is a code word play pong that's what i call

what's her name again sorry hayley jade hayley hello hi is this hayley yes hi hayley i saw your

message about um you having a party oh yeah um they they left to like go to oakbrook oh no so

So, you're not going to have a party anymore?

No, who is this?

Oh, it's Mina.

Oh, no.

They all, like, supposedly this girl, like, was having, because it wasn't even my house.

It was this big Mason's house.

Uh-huh.

And supposedly they're, like, having, like, a huge party in Everbrook.

But, like, I mean, if I get the address for there, I'll send it to you guys.

That would be awesome.

Or maybe you can do, like, an after party.

Yeah, for sure.

That would be cool, yeah.

Yeah, so, like, you guys, do you guys play Pong a lot?

Yeah, all the time.

Oh, okay, and you guys drink and stuff, too?

Yeah.

Nice.

I mean, well, I'm just coming from a different state, so I was just wondering if Pong meant the same thing.

Does that mean you guys like to, like, have orgies and stuff, or?

no we don't do that oh what's pong sorry that's why i'm asking like what's

pong what does pong mean where you're at is it code for anything like what do you what do you

mean like our pong is beer pong like we just you throw the balls oh okay because our pong is they

throw the beer at you and then they have sex with you no i don't know what that is i've never heard

to that oh no okay maybe i've been going to the right parties um i don't know you guys want to

do that are you guys into that or no like pussy pong or strip poker or anything hello hello what

kind of parties have you been going to like like pussy pong oh i don't know what that is

yeah like pop it pong uh yeah i don't i don't know like maybe i don't i don't know you might

have to go back to do that tomorrow oh do you guys like have tattoos or anything yeah yeah okay no

i was just wondering because i was like am i in the right crowd here because i have tattoos as

well i mean yeah but our our pong is not what you're thinking our pong is beer pong oh yeah

um that's okay yeah i mean i do you guys are you guys okay if i play beer pong with you guys naked

kid what who the fuck is this this is mina who's nina mina mina james where are you from i'm from

um i'm from oakland california how'd you get this number oh i'm coming out though like that's i'm

coming out um your guys's way and so i was just like hell yeah let's i'm down to party

i just i got your number we're friends on facebook friends of you on facebook well i must

Must be friends of your friends.

I don't know.

Because I was looking and I saw it and I was like, hell yeah, this is like totally the area I'm going to be living in.

Hey, y'all down to party?

Yeah.

Well, let's party when y'all coming down.

Fuck yeah, I'll be there in, what, 15, 20 minutes?

Well, I thought you guys were going to One Oak or something.

Well, at Oak Brook, but the people that was at that other place I was at, I was at Oak Brook.

At Oak Brook.

Okay, yeah, we should fucking party, man.

are you guys just drinks that's it or what

y'all gotta be hot

that's all you guys do you guys don't drop any E or anything like that

he said are you hot

am I hot

well fuck yeah I'm hot who the fuck wouldn't be

shit

oh yeah well you know what

I'll probably be too hot to handle for you

shit

we're gonna have to find out

oh there's two boys over there

oh yes

a challenge

you know what i don't know i don't know if it matters anymore like who you if you know who i

am i think those boys want to know who i am i mean but this is my phone sorry wait what'd you say

sorry what i i said i asked who you were because i don't know who you are oh do you guys want to

maybe watch a movie or something um i we don't if we knew you were yeah oh well my name is mina i

I told you guys. Mina James.

Okay, well, you're not my friend on Facebook,

so I don't know how you got my number.

I said it was like a friend of your friends or something.

I don't know. Anywho, but I saw your Facebook

post with your number. That's why I gave you a call.

She's a friend of my friends.

Who is that friend?

I don't know.

I'm going to have to go back into Facebook. I don't even know.

My phone's been acting dumb.

Oh, you guys don't want to party?

Damn, they don't want to party.

Pop that pussy pussy.

Stop it, Dwight.

that's gross that went on way too long sorry all right well yay i love dumb people partying on a

sunday night wow and let's work on the service industry uh hey uh carlito you were talking

about that lady earlier the uh how old are the puppies yeah uh that's actually i repaste it it's

two down that was a different lady but the one that uh you and neon talked to is uh terry

Oh, that's right.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

So when I kept asking, how old is it?

Yeah, well, she got mad because I said you wanted the puppies.

I told her to hold your tits.

Yeah, that's right, though.

The hold your tits thing, yeah.

Hey, Carlito, can you send that last number that I just talked to that chick?

Can you send that to Dashie?

Dashie, yeah.

So I see that.

Okay.

Thank you.

Yeah.

um all right moving on then we get some labradors is that what's going on here i have one yellow

female that has just become available tonight all caps tonight you want a dog

i do want this fucking dog you can't touch the dog like that dwight i can

they were asking for it i never fucked a dog that didn't want it to hear that episode again dude

i know today because it's the day i got that it was august 1st as a matter of fact should be

yeah he's got him on facebook he adopted prisoner call you reach paul i can't come to the phone

right now your name number i just want to hear myself on that episode too because i know i was

on morphine and all this shit that night yeah that's the one where you was falling asleep on

on the show and shit dude talking out of your ass that was later yeah no we're not

that was another episode that was like the week before i got out of the hospital this last time

oh everyone's wanting me to call suzy she's already fallen for the same she already fell

for the same prank twice in the same week what's the prank she's the one that i pretend to be her

friends and uh the whole uh we should get together and let me kiss your pussy hole

and uh she took her page fucking private after that call i think you're saying she took her

panties off it was the same premise twice in one week like days apart here's uh here's terry

so this is the lady i kept asking about the age yeah you want to talk to her

Do it.

Hi, you've reached Terry Lynn Stevens.

Terry Lynn Stevens, I'm not...

Alright, someone has three female, three male puppies in need of a good home.

You want to do Eric, the guest at the residence in?

Sure.

He's checked in within the last hour or so.

His last name.

Thank you for calling residence in Santa Fe, this is Josh.

Hey, motherfucker, I need to be transferred to my brother's room.

This room?

Yeah.

Okay, can I get a room number?

Nope, I'll give you a last name, though.

Okay.

Yeah, Skaggs.

S-K-A-G-G-S.

Eric?

Yep.

Skaggs?

Yep.

All right, I'll transfer.

Fucking hurry.

Hello.

Good evening, is this the Skaggs room?

Yes.

How you doing, sir?

This is Dwight down here at the front desk.

How's your stay so far?

So far, so good.

All right, that's fantastic, sir.

I hate to contact you at this hour, but we got a little predicament here.

We got a complaint lodged against your room that I need to make contact with you with.

Okay, what's the complaint?

Well, first let me ask you this.

Are you making any loud banging on your wall?

No.

The one that would be by your headboard, nothing, no banging, no loud stomping or anything?

Yes.

All right, let me write this down on the report here.

Now, did you bring any sort of power tools with you?

No, I did not.

Okay, well, we got a complaint from your neighbor there that said approximately 25 minutes ago that someone, they went out and checked who their neighbor was, and they said it was this room, and that someone was drilling about a quarter-inch hole through the wall, and it appeared just by their headboard there.

We didn't authorize you to do any type of work.

I mean, are you, you know, with our maintenance department, or what's going on here?

You must have the wrong room.

No, sir.

I've been able to confirm this room.

We've went over and we spoke with them.

We were able to see the hole, and we were able to confirm that it was your room that this hole was originating from.

Okay.

Do you want to explain what happened after the hole incident happened?

I'd prefer you give me your side of the story

Instead of me having to read off the paper

What the female guest gave me

I would actually love to hear what the female guest gave you

Because there's no hole in my room

She said

In no uncertain terms

That a male penis

That was from an erect came through this hole

That's interesting

There's actually nobody on that side

I'm on the outside of the building

Oh is that right

I've been here for 15 years

is and you think you're gonna play games with me i guess so no that's not how we're what we're

gonna do tonight sir you need to well number one i need to record a uh apology from you that i can

play to the guests to please them and then uh i'm gonna have to come up and have a talk with you uh

person to person because apparently you don't get the uh uh the fucking the the largeness of this

shit that we got going on here so give me just a minute i'm gonna hit the record buttons

her name is uh mina and you're gonna apologize here let me hit the record okay you go ahead

with your apology start talking motherfucker yeah yeah what are you giggling about that's

the man that did it yeah this is a christian establishment motherfucker what do you have

to say for yourself that's how that's exactly how he surprised me there was just no sound

all right listen pal pack your shit up right now and you're gonna be leaving the hotel

you hear me there you hear me dick lips the fuck is he you want him back or you don't uh no call

the hotel back so i'm gonna make a complaint jack in the box there's supposed to be residents in

sir there's supposed to be residents in what what hang up the phone motherfucker yeah hang up the

phone you motherfucker you take him out of the box it was this jack off in the box hang up the

phone motherfucker yeah like somebody sandbagged me sorry that was my fault i had copy jack in

the box already oops i thought it was the asshole back i don't know why i'd fuck with the other what

thank you for calling residence in santa fe this is josh how you doing there josh uh i got a hell

of a complaint i need a lodge against one of your guests okay uh i was going down the hall i was uh

heading towards my room there uh when i heard uh i don't know it sounded like a power tool

and um somebody just drilled the uh a hole through the uh the wall by the door there

from their door going out into the hallway.

They had some type of hole saw.

Into the hallway?

Yeah.

What hallway?

It was a pretty good-sized hole, and, you know, I was pretty dumbfounded.

I thought maybe one of your maintenance guys was messing up on some work,

but then some part of my language, some asshole stuck his penis through this hole.

I told him, I said, what the hell is your problem?

There's kids and stuff walking through here at all times of the night.

And he says, yeah, well, you know, he goes,

my brother owns this place i said well what's your fucking name buddy and he says skags

so you got some belligerent ass so i don't know if he's drunk or what but he's drilling holes

from the inside of his room out and he thinks it's fun games to put his penis through this

damn hole all right well it must not be this hotel because we don't have any hallways yeah

you know he's doing it into the hallways yeah what's that thought i call it hallway it's the

the it's the fuck it's the the the walkway to the rooms come on now all right well i'll make a note

okay you tell him to stop doing that because i don't want to see it again all right so is this

guy really the uh the owner's brother not that i'm aware of okay well i didn't know i'm from out of

town but this guy's belligerent i don't know what his problem is you don't have one of them sexual

pedophile people in here you don't rent to those type of people do you i want to know if if we

you would or not well you you need to start checking you get these sexual perverts in here

i don't i don't mean i'll tell you how to do your business but you know when i'm just i'm

trying to walk to my room and all of a sudden i got dick in my face i don't appreciate it

i'll make a note for you okay yeah you fucking do that buddy all right

all right all right you have a good fucking night oh shit i'm sorry i thought i was cute

sorry a dick came out of the wall thank you for calling spaces is your beef sandwich how many

spaces is your beef sandwich how many spaces is your beef sandwich that was weird on jack in the

box yeah let's make an order uh we don't take orders over the phone oh you do you do now you

you for this whatever stupid ideas oh all right charles charles has a drill that works good ten

dollars tablet works good it's a seven inch fifty dollars okay ask if you can put a dildo at the end

of the tablet but you see any drill power drill automatic voice message asking my good good luck

from last night off to you carlita i really wanted to do the dildo attachment i was gonna ask if you

ask why he's holding back yeah hi i need to talk to dylan he was gonna sell me a drill

it's very important fucking bitch fucking bitch yeah you the drill you have the drill for 10 bucks

yeah uh do you have the attachments for it for the front oh because there's a attachment you

you can put a dildo in it and put it up your wife's asshole i'll call again but i doubt their

answer i'm expecting a fuck you button right here so the dildo gun the dildo drill i don't think you

want more back and forth action not drill action to an automatic voice message full drill no new

phone new number has licks and wang licks and wang look and wang hey you want a hammer drill on that

oh hammer drill yeah hammer drill yeah if they can hammers it while you're drilling a hammer

oh my god sideways or no no forward drilling in a circle pounding through oh boy concrete

shit like that damn it that beep is loud megan has let me call licks in again so yeah there's

extracurricular purposes for it too is that how like they sell back massagers but everyone knows

Those are for women to use on themselves.

I don't know.

Hello?

Did the penis-like shape give it away, or what?

Is this Wang?

Yes, hello?

Yeah, hi.

You have a new phone, right?

You said to give you a call?

Who is this?

Oh, my name is BJ.

Um, what?

My name is BJ Dong.

I like how she answered, and the old man's still like,

does the penis shape give it away?

oh yeah anyway not expecting a pickup there so we'll move on to megan who

is selling or giving away her mona which is a dog i hope that's what it is she's or maybe

she's giving away her she calls it uh no it's for sale akc black and tab female black and tan female

my bad i can tan female what's the breed black and tan what yeah what carrie's party chocolate

What?

R-T-P-A-R.

Fuck these guys with their fucking dog talk.

Hello?

Yeah, is that Megan?

I'm sorry.

I can barely hear you.

Can you speak up a little bit louder?

Is that fucking Megan?

I'm sorry.

Who is this?

Oh, this is Bill.

I see you're selling your dog.

Yes, I have some Yorkies for sale.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

How big are they?

If you look on my website, I have six different puppies,

and I have what they all currently weigh and what I'm expecting them to weigh.

You know, it just kind of varies, and each week it changes as well.

Blah, blah, blah.

Are you looking to trade at all or just sell?

It would just kind of depend on what you had.

Can you get to a computer, and I'll give you the website that I have my –

Yeah, I have a computer in front of me right now.

Okay.

Are you ready?

Yeah, go ahead.

All right.

it's um uh glory g-l-o-r-y whole h-o-l-e foundation.com are they akc yorkies or uh yeah there's a

whole yeah i have a whole bunch of uh different ones here did you get to the site if you hit the

tree you'll get in i didn't yet but i'm not a very good speller and i'm having a hard time

hearing you exactly i'm hoping a google search will bring it up no probably not i'll give it

it to you again if you're ready glory g-l-o-r-y and then did you say o-l-e h-o-l-e whole foundation

dot com and you should see green tree there i'm sorry it's not bringing it up what came up there

was a green tree come up no i'm sorry um well why don't you just tell me what you have available

it's um hang on we're right there are you putting in the google bar the address bar um address bar

And what came up when you did it?

Just Google came up?

Do you?

Unless you're really just interested in buying one, I don't.

I mean, you'd probably have to have some, like, crazy champion lines for there to be anything I'd be interested in trading.

They are.

All the championships are listed right there on the site.

I just wish I could get you there, you know.

Can you try one more time for me?

Well, why don't you try emailing me a link or something?

I don't know.

I'm sorry.

My son's screaming, and it's getting kind of late, and he thinks that I rushed because he's sleeping.

And is there any way that I could maybe give you a call back later?

God damn it, motherfucker.

All right.

I'll call you later.

I'll call you later then.

Later tonight.

Okay.

All right, bitch.

Bye.

Pissing me off.

She went on.

She went on for 20 seconds.

She didn't hit the green.

Oh, yeah, she did.

She watched the video for 20 seconds.

Did she?

Yep.

She's like, oh, I don't care.

We can see when she actually, when she gets on the site and then when she watches the video.

Shit.

What the hell's wrong with her then?

Why does she react?

Damn it.

alright well whatever I consider that

she must have been intrigued

she liked what she saw she felt comfortable with it

I guess

here's Tay Stay Geek

wait what okay

HMU Cash Only

what's HMU

hit me up

hit me up cash only

uh oh

cashews only

Neon hit him up

he might talk to a girl longer than me

wait so hit him up for money

I don't know he says hit me up cash only

he texts me for faster response that's all he says all right what's his name uh hey stay geek

wade hey what let's call him wade i guess okay hey is this wade yeah hey uh i saw your facebook

saying to hit you up yeah what's going on you're trying to get what you got did you you didn't see

see the picture no i didn't see it yeah i got some 11s the legend blue 11s okay um infrared

sixes taxi 12s red 13s raptor sevens the carmine sixes and some dark fogs hmm what was the second

one that you said i could just send you a picture if you want me to uh okay uh yeah my texting

hasn't really been working so that's what i was like calling uh just want to mention me on uh

uh facebook yeah yeah so that's the e though right are you talking about e right i can't

eat i can't understand oh you're so okay i got it i got it no i got it um you're selling those

jordans yeah that's right okay cool so um and what year are they what year um the newest ones

are the legend blues okay i don't know i'm buying them from someone so you're buying for someone i

I don't know anything about them.

Sorry, that's why I was confused.

Oh, yeah.

Have you worn them?

Yeah, have you worn them?

I wore them one time.

Have you worn all the shoes at least once?

Yeah.

Okay, so how am I going to get the smell out from them?

How

are you going to get what?

Like, like you're, you sound like you smell.

So how am I going to get the smell out of it?

I sound like I smell?

Yeah.

You sound like you smell.

You smell like you sound.

Cute.

Um, Hey, where'd you steal these from?

Get off my phone.

Where'd you steal them from?

Did you give them to, did you steal them for the tattoo guy?

that did your stupid tattoo on your chest?

By Tupac.

By Tupac?

I'm sorry, I was so confused

at the beginning of that conversation. I thought he was selling drugs.

That's what I thought.

And I said, Jan,

Jordan, what?

Those are like $220 shoes, that latest one.

Oh. I don't understand.

Hello, you got the Jordan 11

retro? The legend blue?

Nah, I ain't got no more.

You fucking bitch-ass, motherfucking

mark-ass player.

there you want to meet up buster yeah you want to meet up at walmart i'll throw my shoes at you

yeah i'm gonna rip the shoes off your feet make you eat them i'll put hot sauce on them

are these are these uh counterfeit jordans or what on there don't worry about i'm not

selling those shoes y'all can meet up y'all want to fight this i'm not all right let's do it let's

do it and whoever loses whoever loses gets to suck the other's dick that's right it's going

going to be jordan's versus british knights you know those blood killers so if you lose you got

to suck my dick if i lose i suck your dick and i can't win because you got a tight ass body i got

a big dick oops we killed that guy he tells you to hold on and then he hangs up maybe he did

something to all black people do hold on hold on hold on click we found the guest from or the

host from btr right there yeah that happened last night right then some check yeah they all do it

dude the the nation of islam dudes like just would would put you out of hold when they get

a new thing like when you brought something else up they put you in hold you're like all right

let's think about this let's let's say paradigm a few times and think about it and then come up

with our answer a mistress fucking lit him up that was nuts this is lord was awesome she was

example i was talking about that yeah so nian is there a name for your show yep it's called

it's called neon nights the neon nights show oh neon nights huh nice i don't think

it's probably going to be following dwight's show on saturdays

like 10 our time late night yeah saturday late nights yeah it gets dark we got

Got a lot of dark calls going on at night.

11, 12, 1 o'clock in the morning, Eastern time.

This sounds pretty hot.

Yeah, thanks to Carlito for hanging in.

Coming on from the show.

Dude, last night, yeah, I was half asleep.

That's the best.

I was going to say, that's probably the best.

You read my mind.

I was going to say it's a better one.

That's right.

We got a lost dog.

Do we really want to do that?

That's a controversial topic.

Don't do it, man.

No.

All right.

uh we got someone posting for marie guevara what lost dog her name is eva she's microchipped

and spayed i think she's posting on behalf of her friend but all right i'll call her

microchipped huh my cat's a rocker it sounds like they want us to rape the dog if you found

the dog please lure her with toys and treats your call has been forwarded to tell us mobility

tell us tell you sir your call has been forwarded to tell us

do i do an after show tonight come on oh come on yeah you want to do an after show tonight

sure your first show on the network oh you want me to host uh just you just keep going

keep going that's not an after show that's more so i thought you're gonna sign off and then sign

back on that's what matt does because he doesn't pay the mixer pro that'll be happening tomorrow

I know now I gotta cancel mine

what the fuck

when do I get my keys

uh yeah we gotta get that

I'll figure it out

my keys my keys

and stop saying I get the kitchen and the

kitchen and the bathroom

gotta clean the bathroom

gotta clean the bathroom before I can go on

well I'm exhausted of numbers

I'm pretty tired of doing a show

we're 20

we're 40 seconds away from hitting

three hours flat, so I think I did good enough.

Yay, I'm leaving.

Yay, bye.

Neon, congratulations on joining the network. Everyone's

excited. Thank you very much.

Your first show would be next Saturday.

Yes.

See you later, buddy.

Dwight, you got anything?

Anything you're plugging, Dwight? Anything going on for you?

No, no, just no more

N-words on my show, people. No more of that.

Okay, there you go. I'm sure you'll stick to it.

No more. We're going to get you a swear jar.

Bye, Dwight.

that's a pretty good show what am i telling you kids what i tell you man gotta be a great show

as always man there money oh hey thanks a lot everybody for tuning off at 98.6 the mouth

the chat there all our friends stop by our special guests on the show tonight

we had neon's come up with a great show here everybody's got to tune in sexy neon show coming

Coming up late night Saturday, Dwight McClanahan, as always, man, shows up tonight.

Good calls I heard from a previous show, and I like the music.

Thank you.

Very excited.

I might have to say that privately later.

Also want to thank you.

That's right.

Our listeners, we do this every week.

The most interactive show you can find on the Internet.

That's right.

It's free, man.

We dropped a dime.

We just asked you to give us time.

And bring a friend, or better yet, you can even bring your enemies,

music because they're going to be welcome right here in the madhouse baby and we couldn't do it

without our fearless leader the generalissimo of the madhouse man this guy is mission saving

lives one call at a time brother thank you so much thank you milkman thanks for being on and

thanks to nunu for sending in those british numbers that british uh muslim guy was pretty

funny the arab right remember yes man i want to thank nunu man and i didn't get that plug in he's

He's sleeping, wanking right now.

But anyway, though you're not listening, thank you, Neenan.

I'm very proud of you.

Very, very, very, very proud.

All right.

Well, look, man, another one's in the books.

We'll be back on for sure next Sunday, same time, 10 p.m. Eastern, 7 p.m. Pacific.

I would like to direct everybody to head over to our Patreon page, patreon.com slash printcallnation.

You can help us out, give a little bit to our efforts, or at least assist our efforts in continuing PCN going forward in the new year.

We had a great 2014, our first year.

Holy shit.

And, yeah, we've got to start planning that.

We need to do something big for our 10-year anniversary, Milkman.

Seriously.

We need to do something big.

We ought to think of something, man.

I would like to do something special in honor of such a monumental task.

I mean, really, we ought to think about it.

Yeah.

We've got to put our heads together and figure it out.

All right, well, maybe we'll have special guests and stuff.

That's what we always do.

We've got to go big, big this time, big.

We've got to adopt a child or something big.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

And we'll have something special.

I guarantee you, man.

If we've got the Hermano and the Milkman here, we're going to come up with something.

Guaranteed.

Listen, seriously, everybody, hit the Patreon link over at prankcallnation.com.

and my website is madhouse live.com as well thank you again for tuning in we'll catch you next week

if not sooner

Madhouse Radio – 1/11/15 Show

Calls (36, 1 h 43 min of 2 h 39 min)

Transcript

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