Madhouse Radio – 1/14/15 Show - Madhouse Live Search

I'm playing no fucking games, dude.

I, I fuck you, son of a bitch.

Stop making us get the cuttings.

You're out of your crazy mind.

You ain't getting no goddamn dollars.

I'll fuck you all night long.

You're my perfect.

Why don't you piss off?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

So low and only in one side.

I can fix that, I can fix that.

Let's see if this does it.

Boom.

No, it didn't fix it.

Oh, man.

I don't know, maybe it's just me.

Maybe I'm sick.

Sick in the head.

Seriously.

oh there we go now i'm on both sides i gotta turn like all the way up holy shit i don't know

anyway hey it's carlito guys good evening good evening my friends i'm gonna be doing a little

bit of a show here for a wednesday night uh the exciting part of this is i'm back on video i used

to be on video up until around march of last year and i stopped doing it i felt like giving it a

shot see how it handles so the the captain's hat is back i've got it on if you're not watching the

video you can there's two ways to grab the video um the you can go to my youtube channel youtube.com

madhouse radio should be showing up there uh if you're in the chat room i know the link is being

shared around in there too the direct youtube link um but y'all if you go to uh youtube yeah

madhouse radio on youtube it should be showing up right there right under as the first video should

should be showing up as a live event supposed to um or my google plus page who uses that

and you can also go into tiny chat uh uh what is this i want to say it's prank call nation

in tiny chat i know live track matt is a big fan of the tiny chat yes it is tiny chat.com

slash prank call nation and you can also watch the video feed now keep in mind the youtube feed

does not have any music because youtube's computer machine will automatically kick me off

off if it detects um any copyrighted music such and so forth and so on and things of this nature

um all right so you got that and i'll try to pay attention to the video feed make sure i'm

moving stuff around properly it's supposed to do it automatically it's just two video shots of me

and then a shot of the chat room and then i can also do a picture in picture like i'm doing right

now it's kind of cool i'll keep it there so y'all can watch the chat room um and before i forget be

Be sure to support PCN and go over to Patreon, P-A-T-R-E-O-N,

patreon.com slash printcallnation and help support us.

We've got a lot of changes that we need to start implementing.

We need to go into phase two of this PCN thing.

We're like in PCN 2.0 right now, but I think it's time to go to 3.0.

It just involves some changes, so that might cost a little bit of money.

but anyway listen we um you know uh we just we're not you're not ordered to you don't have

look i'm a leech okay i am the worst when it comes to supporting like i'm a fucking leech

all right i'm a torrent leech i'm an asshole don't get really into downloading pirated stuff

but when i do i leech it okay i'm a dick and i love podcasts but i've never given any money

to a podcast or a podcaster to help support them and i wish i could i just don't make that kind of

money but instead of that i've been i put a lot of time and effort and money into the madhouse stuff

and the pcn stuff and so does jayad so does brad so do the other hosts so we're just trying to

we're trying to take care of the host a little bit for their time and also try to upgrade stuff here

jayad and jayad especially has some really good ideas brad and it's really good um has some pretty

good ideas also as do i anyway patreon.com prank call nation let's get to the prank calls i'm just

gonna throw some darts as i like to call it basically that means when i got google maps

open i just start clicking on places that seem to be open there's a sushi deli oh that's a mix

right there it seems they're open so they're open until 9 p.m pst so we are good sushi deli

too motherfucker that's what it is fuck sushi deli one sushi deli one can eat a dick

hey what's up you hear me hey yeah i can barely hear you yeah because it's too fucking loud can

you tell the people to be quiet listen my wife's in the living room she's sick i can't be talking

like this i can't hear you at all well fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you okay

Fuck you.

Can I make you an order?

You want to place an order?

Yeah.

So I've learned that if I apply the echo setting

in situations like bars and shit like that,

they seem to hear me because it blasts.

It makes it a lot easier to hear.

I don't know how the quality sounds to you guys listening to it.

Because I can't be yelling.

Athena's over here.

She's sick.

And I can't be yelling.

She needs to rest and get ready.

I gave her three doses of NyQuil.

shut our ass up so i could do a show no no no no all right this is a busy time at the sushi deli

there's a theater i don't like calling theater here's a chipotle where according to a news

article i read just before the show started one third of chipotle restaurants are not serving any

pork right now they've dropped had to drop pork for the menu i suppose temporarily because the

provider a mexican provider of the pork carnitas meat that they used did something i don't know

No, something bad.

They did bad things.

I think maybe they were masturbating the pigs or something.

The big corkscrew dick.

Bullets on plums for now.

Speaking, how can I help you?

Hey, what do you say there, Mumble Mouth?

Excuse me?

Hey, Mumble Mouth, how you doing?

Hey, how's it going?

Hey, listen, I wanted to make an order, but I'm a little concerned.

Do you guys, did you guys drop carnitas, pork?

Carnitas.

Are you not serving any pork right now, any carnitas?

Yeah, we're serving pork.

Because I heard a third of the Chipotle's got dirty Mexican carnita meat,

and they had to pull it.

No, they're actually serving pork.

Hey, wait a minute.

Are you sure it isn't the Mexican pork, the dirty pork from Mexico?

Chipotle downtown?

Yeah, Chipotle Mexican grill, yeah.

Listen, asshole, what I'm saying is that Chipotle pulled pork

from one-third of the stores today.

Downtown.

I don't understand what you're trying to say.

Asshole, you're fucking annoying me, all right?

You're a fucking asshole is what it is.

I'll call a different Chipotle, stupid asshole.

Damn it.

I'm Mexican.

Explain everything to me.

Fucking asshole.

I remember once I was in Orlando Airport.

I was going to Puerto Rico.

I was flying, and I was going to fly by myself.

My dad was taking me to the airport,

and we stopped at the magazine store there in the airport

to get me some of my comic books and stuff.

i would always buy a gi joe comic book in a mad magazine i remember that always from that store

and my dad would always do it even though we could probably get it from the grocery store for like a

you know third of the price maybe but he always did that's what he always wanted to do but anyway

uh my dad came up with an idea it's like oh you're you know they sell the lottery here now they got

lottery tickets florida lottery tickets scratch offs and you're going to puerto rico that'd be a

cool gift for you to take just take you know a handful of scratch us and give you know one to

your uncle you know because they like gambling they're into the gambling thing you know they

bet on horses and stuff when they're together and um the late so my dad goes to the counter

and asks the lady who's behind the counter because yeah i like to get xxx amount of scratch off

tickets and she's like i don't know what i don't know i don't speak she said in perfect english

she said i don't speak english i can't help you it was the and so my dad's like okay so what do

do we do and she was just like blankly stared at us and i didn't even get my gi joe comic book or

my mad magazine it sucked because she couldn't check us out like i remember like you know all

right can we pay for this she's like i can't i can't i can't it was really weird like it was

some middle eastern lady i don't know maybe she was just making sure no one stole anything until

the guy came back i don't know why she couldn't explain like man go bathroom go you know make

toilet toilet you think maybe she know or just know to put one finger up like what wait please

one minute you know i don't know it was so weird it was awkward i want to say it was like 1988 i

think yeah that's when weird shit started happening to me okay there's uh let's see

the hall of justice the hall of justice you gotta say it like this too loud okay office depot

starbucks it's gonna be loud well office depot shouldn't be so loud let's see if they get what

what i need to make the computer go hey how you doing honey baby what come on come on oh god all

right fine fine i won't say it unless you're not hearing me how can i take care of your business

can you hear me hello yes hey honey how are you who is this oh i need to i got a laptop there and

laptop does not go it doesn't go i need to know how to make it go oh you can bring it up to the

the store no no no no no no no no no no no no someone help please fuck her see if i get someone

else now they're not gonna pick up bitches thank you for calling up yes listen the computer doesn't

go and i've been hung up on twice by that animal i'm sorry sir this animal over there is picking

up the phone twice and hanging up on me and the computer does not go huh okay so what's your

your question have a this have a this like that for you have a this have a this how can we help

you today sir all right well listen is there someone there who fixes the computer to make

it go is there a man yes sir there's a man here yeah put him on because you know the women with

the computers and stuff they don't know they don't know you know oh all right let me put you on hold

having tech troubles at office people we fix computers no matter where you go

hello yeah is this a man i'm talking to now yeah oh good thank thank god because i was talking to

women before and they kept not doing the right thing they kept they're like uh they like i could

hear when like she didn't know what to do with the phone handle and she was just kind of like

putting it down and then she asked me like do you know how you turn off the phone she told me

And I was like, what do you mean turn it off?

Hang it up.

She's like, it doesn't have a hang.

It doesn't have a hang on it, she said.

What is that?

That's cool.

What is that?

Who is that that said that to me?

That's my manager there.

Well, she's a stupid fucking idiot.

All right.

Is there a repair?

All right, fuck it.

I'm done with them.

I'm just insulting them.

It's not really that funny.

Why did I want to do a show again?

A lot of hotels here that I'm seeing.

There's a pancake house.

That's got to be closed now, right?

Wait, let's find out.

Probably.

Uh-oh, let's see.

They closed at 2.30.

Nope.

It's a place called Tabac.

It's like a cafe.

Zach, can I help you?

Hey, honey, how are you?

What's up, sexy?

Hello?

Yeah, what's up, sexy?

Who is this?

Oh, hey, this is Cross.

I was talking about, you know, the coffee there, the hot water.

Talking about what?

Hot water.

Oh.

Hot water?

Yes.

You know hot water?

Yeah, what about it?

Yeah, I need one hot water.

You need hot water? Is that what you're saying?

One hot water.

You want a cup of hot water?

Well, I want to make an order for one hot water.

Dry oatmeal?

I think you have the wrong number.

No, this is the tobacco machine, right?

The tobacco? The cafe?

Yeah.

Yes.

We don't actually carry oatmeal.

All right. Do you have papers?

Like rolling papers?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, of course.

You have your papers there?

What kind of papers?

Do you have cellophane?

We have zig-zags.

Do you have oil?

Oil?

Yeah, like cooking oil.

Like the vape juice?

Yeah, what you use.

No, no, cooking oil.

What you use to cook the food there.

No, we don't.

This isn't like a food place.

This is like we have like desserts that are like ready to serve.

Do you have mop and broom?

I'm sorry, what is...

Do you have like a mop and a broom and all that?

Like it's clean?

It's a clean place?

Of course.

Oh, good.

Would you eat off the floor?

Why not?

So really, I'm sorry.

Is there something I can do for you?

Yeah, I need to make an order.

What would you like?

One hot water.

Okay, it's ready for you right now.

All right, one coffee.

Whenever you're ready.

One coffee.

Okay.

I need it brewed with heat and water.

Yeah.

Is there an order when you get here?

Is that okay?

One tater tot.

It only takes me one minute to make a coffee, so why don't you come in and order whenever you're ready?

Do you have a microwave there?

I do.

do can i bring in some minute rice it only takes like three four minutes to make please i live on

the street please um i'm i'm not if you want to come in and order something you're more than

welcome to how about that can i just use your microwave though for like i'm just i just need

a little bit of hot water and the microwave for like 10 minutes okay all right and then

i'm gonna put a soda can in the microwave okay i gotta go but thank you so much i'm gonna put a

soda can in your microwave i'm gonna turn it on okay bye oh my god there's police coming here

yeah listen my dad was a security guard at a community college like maybe 10 years ago and

he was working a weekend and he hated the fucking job and he said that um you guys gotta understand

how my dad is very broken english very can be kind of ignorant sometimes but anyway so i guess

there were these teenagers from local on bikes and they're just being like you know oh yeah you

know they're like probably like 14 13 years old 12 years old being little shithead white boys

white kids and they went into the like student union building when he was trying to find them

and they microwaved the soda cans in the microwaves it started like a smoky fire thing

going on exploded anyway so like the security boss like pulled like brought my dad into the

into a meet into like a one-on-one thing with him in his office and was giving my dad shit about it

he was like yeah like what is this happening but that's like you can take this you take his job you

shove it up your ass like shove it up your ass he's just like quit like real gangster and i was

was like damn i didn't know he had that he didn't he was like that blah blah blah anyway hooters

yeah let's act like uh bookapoo what do you mean what do you mean hello really that doesn't mean

mean i forgot i was calling hooters like who am i calling who am i calling mixed water coffee

50 50 that's an americano isn't it paxton hello hey please whatever

Whatever.

Fucking whores.

They're too pussy to be strippers, so they get jobs at hooters and wing houses.

If you're going to go, go all the way.

If you're going to put on a condom, you've got to fuck.

Here is Ralph's, which I understand is a chain of supermarkets.

How are they?

How's their bakery?

How's their deli?

Let me know.

Let me know in the chat room.

I'm curious.

How's that deli at Ralph's?

They got corndogs or anything?

Thank you for calling your Ralph's in San Diego.

Ralph.

For the bakery, please press 1.

For the deli department, press 2.

For the floral department, press 3.

For meat and seafood, please press 4.

To reach the farmer.

Ralph says good soup, says Dashie.

Frozen burritos.

One moment, please.

You have entered an invalid extension.

You said 2.

For the bakery, please press 1.

For the deli department, press 2.

For the floral department, press 2.

Deli, 2.

One moment, please.

you have entered an invalid extension for the bakery one moment please you have entered an

invalid extension for the bakery this place stupid one moment please you have entered

you can never find anyone at ralph's that's how they get away

you gotta come down there to get some help italian restaurant no

Now, Farmer's Insurance is closed.

There's an Accurado Furniture Store open until 10.

Room service delivery.

All right, let's see if they pick up.

Room service delivery, everybody.

Also known as Accurado Furniture Store.

Thank you for calling Accept Media.

If you know your party's extension, you may dial it at any time.

For the operator, press 0.

For the dial-by-name directory, press 9.

This is going to be closed.

all right that was zero good effects machine i guess you're not open use lexus park san diego

see your fans buster casey bringing up the public still yeah definitely the best

subs definitely in the state of florida i argued to say the best subs that you the best sub value

you can get definitely beyond subway is the public sub the pub sub as i like to call it the pub sub

and i was i always get the american um i mean here's the deal all right so you go there you

get they they got these subs right and they tell you do you want the store brand the public's brand

or do you want the boar's head brand which is better and has no fillers etc etc and i know for

a fact because uh my friend my buddy mark worked at a public's worked in the deli he was hired to

work in the deli and it was a brand new public so they went all out with their training at first

and he got to actually sample next to each other like the bologna the salami the turkey the this

that and it it comes from the same factory just one of them adds fillers and the other one adds

no fillers and the shit with no fillers is called um bull uh boar's head and the rest of the shit

is just whatever grocery store is selling it they stamp their name on it or whatever or make up a

name but anyway so there is a difference but it's kind of like how they say with mixed drinks if

If you're making mixed drinks, you can buy the cheap, you know, jug of vodka or the cheap jug of the store brand tequila.

If you're going to make frozen margaritas, it doesn't matter.

Kind of the same thing with the sub, I thought.

That's what I thought.

So for an extra $1.50, I think you get the Borset.

You can if you want to splurge, but I don't think it's worth it.

But underneath that, though, like I always order the American.

So if you're in Florida or wherever it has a Publix footprint, you order the American sub.

they actually took it off the menu and most of the public's as i remember but they would still

make it but they always usually would roll their eyes when i would order it because it's not one

of the ones that they pre-cut like it's not the turkey or the this or the that or the club

it has stuff that you actually have to go and pull from the shit and slice it so they would

usually be like oh like i gotta pull it out and make a fucking sandwich but yeah the american sub

i think it's what's on the american suck i want to say it was turkey bologna and ham

the is that it's the american sub publics custom sandwiches publics i don't know if they break it

down like that this is a waste of time it doesn't come up but yeah i remember i had bologna in it

whatever it was it was a pain in the ass for them to make but anyway i recommend that's that's my

sandwich get it on wheat and to be honest usually like my subs i usually don't even get any veggies

like for a lot a long time all i was doing was um uh mustard mayo and onion or mustard mayo and

jalapenos like it was really thin and they're all there was like oh that's cool i mean i don't have

to put a bunch of shit on it but they make a massive massive subs public sponsor the first

hour of the show all right third four third floor antiques will be closed track side broadcasting

podcasting no brickyard coffee and tea let's be goofy silly stupid with them are they open

they were oh they were open until two never mind okay we got san diego car rental yes we're calling

san diego secrets out i'll have uh any any of the normal guests and hosts that are out there

give me a few more minutes and we can conference please let me know how the video is working in

the chat room i'd like to know is can you hear me there should be no music that's normal let

Let me know otherwise.

Thank you.

Close.

Yeah, fuck it.

Let's add everybody.

Why not, huh?

Anybody want to...

I know Maddie wanted to talk.

Let me get Maddie here.

Let me look through the list.

Give me a second.

Listen to this song a little bit.

What up, though?

Hey, Maddie.

Give me a second.

I'm going to add some of the...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All

all right who made it what do we got your mother dwight's here neon's connecting

brad's connecting jag is connecting matt is here milkman probably won't answer okay

Okay, yeah, Matt and Dwight.

Nunu keeps saying he sent you numbers.

He keeps sending me.

Yeah, well, can you put them in the chat here?

He just said that.

All right, good, good, good, good, good.

All right, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

I'm passing on a message, buddy.

I appreciate it.

I'm digging that, and I like that horizontal stripes are, in fact, slimming.

You look good, buddy.

Hey, thanks.

I love this shirt.

It's a special shirt.

I love it, Carlito.

Cheers buddy

I'm glad to be back on video

I showed your video

When you were on the YouTube

Mom said the shoeshine guy

At the train station has a hat like this

We call him the captain

That's awesome

You got it at the Halloween store

Probably just like me

I was at a ferry station in

New Jersey and they had them too

In a little gift shop that they had

Some kind of ferry station

It's dope dude

especially on this like semi shitty video it works great you know if you i'm sure if i held it i'd be

like this is fucking garbage all right this is brenda who has a brand new something something

for sale i got it okay hello i'm digging now you got everything hooked up yeah i got you

two screens right now check uh who else is we got jag jag made it and dwight made it

yeah i'm hugging everything what's up guys

word yeah is that brenda big brenda hello big big booty brenda hey you've got a side shaft

mortar for sale yes i do okay and you never used it never put any oil in it right it's never had

It had no gas, oil, or anything in it.

Oh, okay.

Did you set it up, honey, or who was it?

Did I what now?

Did you set it up and everything, or was it a man that did it?

No, it was my husband.

Okay, and you have over 500 books for $100.

Yep.

All right, which, can you name me a few of those?

Oh, gosh.

You have children's romance novels?

Yeah, I've got children's novels.

Romance novels with children in them?

It's right up my alley, buddy.

So it's like little girls and little boys and love and making love and stuff?

I'm confused.

Yeah.

What I had was a thrift store.

Uh-huh.

And I closed it down about a year ago.

Okay.

And my stuff has been in storage.

Uh-huh.

It's probably well over 500 books.

I mean, there's just different kinds of books.

Oh, wow.

Different things.

It sounds like storage wars.

hey um i need adult diapers though because i like to go blonde periods of time um in concerts and

stuff and i don't like to leave the stage so i just take a piss and shit right there while i'm

standing yeah yeah so how about how many of those adult diapers do you have how many you know the

medium or large the large uh matt do you need large or medium uh i need medium for the girl

But I need extra large

But I think I'd squeeze it to a large

You know

He needs

Bookapoo put this guy

Matt in a wheelchair

He ran over him with a car

So he needs adult diapers

Apparently

And dude

I'm looking for those children romance novels

You got any of them?

Yeah

You're just telling my co-worker

Something about my tone

own is that because i'm native american maybe uh you don't like us redskins huh yeah okay well

all right we'll we'll put him back on with that you can talk to him about the rest of this

but we need both sides of them diapers okay uh i've got i've got two boxes it's got 80 in each

torn as a large and i'll do 20 a box on them and uh the mediums i'll do 20 a box on them they've

got 80 in it that's nice she's she's gonna be paid oh yeah go ahead buddy hey um uh ken is it

okay if i burn any of the books am i allowed to do whatever i want with them you can do with what

you want to as long as i get my hundred dollars all right so you don't care if i burn the books

if I throw them at you.

Can I throw them at you?

What did he say

back there, that motherfucker? What was that?

Talking shit. Is that guy talking some

shit? That's shit.

You should light that shit on fire and then throw it at her.

That's fine. What's up,

Ken? What's up, Jake?

What's up?

Right back, I'm going to go take a shit.

Hey, take pictures

like I do.

I really do take pictures and put them

in the sked house at noon.

anytime it comes out of out of the water i'm so impressed with myself like that's a lot of

fiber i've been eating i'm sorry the person you were trying to reach has a voicemail box that has

not been set up

i just i just like to say hack it and then bang on the keys and it doesn't work

i think the only time it works is when brad's with me and he actually does it

does types and right but no i just bang like randomly on the

i just like say hack it and do that i'm letting all my everything's all right you didn't you

didn't go on monday everything's okay yeah yeah zax was dude i told you he called me like 10 at

I told somebody

He was like I just woke up

He's like gaming too much man

He's just like games

And then like crashes

You know he messaged me at

Fucking 10am today

Those are weird hours for him right

Yeah

He's keeping weird

I hear that there's these games

Like wow

That you can play

You get real addicted to it

But I stopped doing the 9 o'clock

Like a lot part

Because it was hard to have him wait

Because that's like 3am there

And so

It ended up being nice

Because I got to join to myself that time

But now

He's switched schedules

For some shit

I don't know

What's up with that

GTA 5 getting pushed back

I'd rather they push it back

than have it release and be all ganky

yeah

but fucker now they better not

it better not be ganky now

because if it is still after they push it off

what the fuck

where's the hang up button

it better be gankless

it better be ganky

it better be gankless

what have you been up to Jag

what's going on big Jag

just gaming sort of like Zax

what are you playing

oh everything mostly halo they got 5 000 gamer score in one game so going hard on that i just

said hard on is that a lot is that a lot 5 000 you kill lots of people yeah have you seen the

have you seen the we're gonna got we're gonna die dude on uh yeah on youtube no i haven't he trolls

all this he trolls all those like what yeah i don't know i don't know you have a window open

buddy no i mean um i'm hearing that oh sorry yeah i don't think so

anyway look up we're gonna die on youtube it's a funny guy he trolls like nascar online and

shit like that or like nascar 2015 he trolls it he goes in as uh dale arnhart's dead lol i think

that's the name something like that and they're out there you can hear like fuck that guy man

what's his name again hello hey how you doing honey oh hey it's dale dale you got a 10 gallon

three and a half horsepower air compressor uh yeah um how how long is the attachment like the

hose how far in the ass can i put it oh it's ridiculous and silly let me see if i can play

one of those it's pretty fun are you wearing a sailor hat a singular hat sailor oh a sailor

things are like singular like singular wireless yeah it's the captain set it's famous i'm famous

for wearing this over the years i love it yeah it's been a while i am like a year since i've

worn this hat we're gonna lose i'm sorry yeah it's we're gonna lose my bad nascar

warning this video contains strong adult language may not be suitable for children

or sensitive people boom boom i'm out yes what the fuck was that i think we got in this got in

what keeps freezing get in the race it keeps freezing on me i was glad i finally got in one

kick us out any minute come on come on come on yes all right seven of us in here too this is

gonna be awesome you're scaring me i'm i'm staying low so go high yeah just go ahead and give it to

me here just just quickly i'm racing holy shit sorry about that guys that was my fault fucking

Fucking 69 car.

That was my fault, guys.

I'm sorry.

My mom was giving me my orangutan because I didn't have enough fruit.

I told her to give it to me.

That's stupid, man.

You're trying to hand something while you're racing to somebody.

Yeah, I know.

That's what I was saying.

Fucking 69 car took the whole field out.

You should grow up, dude.

Anyway, that's not the Dale Earnhardt one.

Not so funny.

But still, I hope you understand what I'm getting at.

Yeah, he sort of like trolls a little.

He trolls.

He's running into them on the...

They're all playing NASCAR fucking games.

And he keeps he keeps going the wrong way and hitting them and then say no, I'm sorry

Damn it. I know there's something where like they get really mad because he's like Dale Earnhardt is dead

Lol is his name and they're all like you motherfucker like I'll kill you, but I can't find it. It's

mask our kids you know what you'll find it yeah I just do there was just a

a really cool new Rogan with

Shane Smith from Vice tonight.

Uh-huh.

I haven't caught up on Vice.

He's starting his own news network.

Us weirdos

are part of a new media

we're part of this shit.

Web 5.0. Sure, man.

Hey, let's do prank calls.

Seriously. Yeah, yeah.

No, I'm just saying for me because I'm the one

slacking. You're okay, dude.

We got a lady here

who's got used suing

sewing sewing buttons for sale twelve dollars a jar oh that sounds like shit you just throw away

i wonder how much i could put up my kitten's asshole all right go ahead go for it neon's

here hey neon what's up what's up how would be thank you how you doing matt good good yeah

hello yeah you you have used buttons hello do you have used buttons yeah okay um here's matt

Matt, he's going to talk to you about putting off a cat's asshole.

Hi, I was calling about the buttons you have for sale.

You have jars of them?

Take the phone to my son.

Just hold on.

Oh, no, no, no.

I want to talk to you, dear.

Come on.

He's right here.

Hey, I just want to ask you about the buttons.

How many do you have?

Like a jar full?

Let him tell you.

What's going on?

No, I don't like this.

I don't like where this is going.

This is going to be the police.

Are you the police, sir?

sir are you the police i feel very suspicious what happened i'm calling about the buttons and

she passed me off to a man but who's got the button okay holy i didn't even think of that

hey i want to know do you got a jar of buttons correct yeah now how many of those buttons do

you think i fit up a kitten's asshole what yeah how many like like can't like if you stack them

up like those old smarties candies you know used to get the smarties and they're like they're not

kind of good and then every now and again you show off and you chop some up and you rail them

you know smart like how many of them buttons do you think you fit up there sir i think i heard

a click but still there it goes click click who's got the button clan clan clan yeah i don't even

know why i didn't remember button button who's got the books yeah yeah that's my then did i

explain to you my theory about how horrible the oyster and the oyster story is it's fucking

horrible he just they're so cute yeah yeah oh like their little fucking shoes float and they're

so cute and they're like they're rosy jakes and shit like i just heard that that's funny

have you ever watched uh in in that kevin smith movie dogma where uh the the angels that fell

all from heaven or whatever are tearing apart religion with that story they're like this one

he's uh he's hindu because he's fat and tusker and the other one's a carpenter he's jesus and

it shows how religion consumes you and they're talking nuns out of like being christians and

shit i thought it was lot and loki or yeah but they were talking to people and they were talking

to nuns in the airport oh yeah yeah talking them out of their religion by using that story and

saying those are the two major religions and this is how they deceive you they just want to devour

you okay hey uh carlito read the skype chat real quick please all right jack sorry yes yes

gotcha you're a skype chat your face is a screenshot right oh uh bookapoo's in the

the tiny chat yeah fuck it i don't care yeah it's hard it's hard not to have him around it's sad

now he wants to be around yeah so yeah seriously so or do or do we all agree that bookapoo is

mjh or bookapoo took over the mjh after mjh they're they're horrible shitty fucking people

that, like, really, really

need to think deeply into suicide.

Oh, boy.

Contemplate that shit.

Yeah, it's just goofy.

Like, to spend your day

commenting on people that you claim to hate

is so odd.

Like, when I don't like something,

I just don't watch it.

You just don't follow it anymore.

I don't know what this is.

You fucker!

It's strange.

Give me prank calls.

Because I could watch the news and just, by rate it, scream at it daily,

but I just don't fucking watch the news.

Like, shit that don't make me happy had just cut out of my life.

Yeah, and even the hosts of PCN, like that Jag TV guy,

I don't like that, so I don't even watch it, you know?

Oh, hell no.

I have a soft spot for Jag TV.

And it's all Dwight anyway. What's up, Dwight?

um can i call this this bitch uh uh shelly harding i put it in the skype chat uh yeah

shelly yeah she's that bitch from yesterday that gets angry oh yeah come over that chick

okay let's give her a call hang on dwight's a glutton for punishment he wants women to yell at

him he wants more and more dude ted i'm sure mr smorgasbord works something out with you is she

the first one i think he's afraid shelly harding you said right okay i got her yeah a heart the

i always really like your your choice of tracks dude thanks come on baby but the person you called

has a voicemail box that has not been set up yet i'll try again hey this reminds me of that one

and, like, incarcerated Scarface's son.

Hello?

Shelly?

Hey, is Shelly there?

Oh, I was trying to see.

I saw on Facebook you guys have a $20 couch

that you're trying to get rid of.

Yeah, it's already gone, buddy.

Why'd you get rid of it then, motherfucker?

You're just like your wife.

You're a cunt.

What?

Why are you pushing buttons, asshole?

Beep.

Who's got the button?

Hey, sorry for talking over the pickup.

I can't pick up when it's on Skype.

Yeah, it is a little tricky with the Voxox.

There's a setting that's supposed to make a noise

when they pick up, but it never works for me.

Sorry, but the person you called has a voice.

We lose her.

Oh, you're going to hack straight.

That's big show.

Yeah, she was just like that one

I'll fucking cut you check.

She was fast yesterday.

It was really fast.

Alright, Jennifer checked in at a

Doubletree. It's been a while since I've had

had a good uk wanker call or a good uh like hotel check-in call like they've all been

or a good velour jumpsuit for fat guys or sweatsuit because i got one

hello how are you find yourself oh i'm wonderful now that i'm talking to you

i need to speak to a guest there by the name of jay jennifer maher jennifer's her first name yeah

Yeah, last name is Marr.

You know, Marr, Marr.

Spelling, I don't know.

Marr.

Spelling her last name?

Uh, M-A-H-E-R.

No better than that.

M-A-H-E-R.

Jennifer Marr.

Why don't you have this person, you stupid fucker?

Excuse me?

Why you don't have this person, you stupid fucker?

You can have this.

Take this.

Oh, thank you.

You have a wonderful union, sir.

It sounded like you said union, not evening, you know?

i think he refused to take it yeah damn take this motherfucker i remember in that movie

caligula when david from clockwork orange greased up his fist and fisted that guy he's like how

about you are you a virgin yeah there was a lot of weird shit i only got through half that movie

oh that's good which part when he fisted the bright being that's the best part i just remember

him raping the hardcore bit i remember him raping the guy in the house yeah the machine cutting off

the heads of the people fucking khalil is a classic scumbag you can watch khalil it's like

that's something you could like run it like blockbuster for a while and then real porn in it

hello hello is that lonzo hello hey what's up lonzo not much how you doing honey you want to

come down and play poker with us we have a girl we're gonna share her playing poker yeah for the

winner yeah huh who is this cross i'm cross your name was selected we'll build your business card

out of a fishbowl?

An Applebee's. Shit, I don't know.

Does anyone want to talk to Lonzo?

I'm not floating here.

Lonzo?

What the fuck is your problem?

I bet Lonzo is sexy.

Hey, guys.

What the fuck, man?

What the fuck is that?

It's the type of life that I had

a business card.

I don't know if it's from Jackass.

What is it?

Yeah, it is.

The snake bit him.

It's from where Chris Pontius stuck his dick into a glory hole

with a snake on the other side and it bit him.

It was dressed like a mouse?

It was covered in tape and it was dressed like a mouse?

Yeah, he had it dressed up like a mouse

and Johnny Knoxville was controlling it like a puppet with strings

and making it tease the snake

and then the snake got pissed and bit his cock.

I think that's prosthesis

what do you know you're you're a movie

expert here

now Dirk Diggler in

well Mark Wahlberg

in Boogie Nights that was

a yes

he was supposed to be

John Holmes in that movie

strange when you watch john holmes shit now you're like oh dude like all these colored

fellas got him beat by yeah they have a fucking uh fucking uh that movie wondered wonderland right

wonderland was great with uh val kilmer yeah val kilmer is a very underrated actor man

seriously yeah he does some cool shit he was a cool batman i thought it was a cool batman

It's because he got fucking fat, so people like to clown on him.

He's dark, he's in weight, though.

Yeah, whatever.

Fat guys are cool as fuck, yo.

Hey, I'm cool.

Yeah, I'm cool.

I'm cool.

Remember China cool?

No one knows what that means.

I'm too young.

That's from The Simpsons.

I'm a baby.

There's a future episode in The Simpsons.

Jag's a baby.

China cool, we cool.

Baby Jag.

So, Carlito.

Baby Jag sounds weird.

Yeah, we're all

Fan fiction coming up

And Baz has the floor

What's up with Seattle football?

I said we're all

It's a frenzy here

People are going nuts

I bet

Somebody sent me some thing

About something in Seattle

Some guy took stem cells

And some medicine

And it cured his MS

His MS, really?

Yeah

Motherfuckers

send me MS shit, it's really

nice. I like

people helping me out on Facebook

and shit. I ain't got no

health insurance, so I can't do this shit.

I ain't got no pancake mix.

Well, you could

sign up to be a

test subject for

clinical.

I think they'd tell me to stop

drinking.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You gotta stop drinking. They'll drug

test you and all that shit.

They would have a few issues that you'd have to

clear up with them yeah man i talked i talked to this cat once and he was i was at an applebee's

matter of fact on my lunch my lunch break i was at applebee's at the bar eating and having a drink

and this dude his old dude next to me was like he's like yeah and he was like we were talking

we're both diabetic i think i said something i can't have that i'm diabetic because again me too

he said he got paid to do like this um they basically he got to live like in this hotel

hotel and they provided him with all the diet dr pepper and shit that he wanted to drink and he had

to take keep taking these pills like they were testing out but he actually had to live like in

a hotel and had like a common area and stuff the world is the world is yours and uh yeah the no

drinking to fucking kick my ass i'd be psychotic yeah shit you think so yeah it must have been bad

when you're in the hospital every now and again i'll have like a i'll have like a day where i

don't drink and i'm just like hating the world the suck that sucks do you have the trembles

and stuff like that no well i have the trembles like because of the ms but no it's not

like that it's like it's just real like everything sucks like no energy like today i was like almost

yeah and then i started cracking some beers and then around like four or five o'clock like oh

Ooh, everything's kind of okay.

um do i should i keep calling these numbers or are these

all old from last night the first one no these are fresh numbers okay like the dog lady was

Or the Couch Lady was the only old one.

Okay.

You're a fresh number there, buddy.

I'm actually drinking some Japanese scotch.

It's like my brother-in-law brought this over Christmas, and he lives in Japan.

But this stuff was like about 80 bucks a bottle.

It's not bad.

Japanese scotch.

Do you have the label right there, right in front of you?

No.

Why?

Well, I was going to ask you what the semen content of that whiskey was.

I've heard good things about

Japanese liquor, to be honest.

Their whiskey, they do pretty good.

I think they're starting to do beer now.

What was it I saw?

It was beer. They were doing a real good

process for making an American-style beer.

Cheap and really good.

I mean, they can do

pretty much anything we can do.

Yeah, jab beer.

I really like

Sapporo.

The motherfuckers give me

and beer.

I'll get you a beer, Pat.

Cool.

All right, Ash and Mike, let's do pranks.

Rock my Aaron City beer shirt today.

I'm at work so excited

and previous at the same...

All right, so this lady has a new job, I guess,

and a new phone number.

Wow, big changes for her.

Just for her.

At the town, please record your message.

When you finish...

She's at work.

I'll try again.

Imagine her in her first day at work.

She's a decent person.

She's turned her phone off.

She probably turned her life around.

Yeah.

First day at work.

Get her fired.

No.

All right.

Here we go.

Next.

I like that voice.

i like to weigh out the uh the harm i cause in people's lives by calling them to the joy i bring

to the people listening i try to weigh it out what's what all right here's a girl who's selling

her prom dress only wore it once of course i wear it daily hello hello hi yeah you're selling

your prom dress yeah oh first of all how are you 18 at least or what are you yeah okay good

So, look, I want to get the damn prom dress.

You only wore it once.

Did you have any, like, did you get anything on it during the prom or the dance, the dinner, or afterwards?

When you, the after party?

When you were fucking in the car?

No, I didn't wear it to the after party.

No?

Did you fuck in the car?

No.

Huh?

No, I didn't.

You didn't fuck in the car?

Did you do, like, were you smoking joints or marijuana cigarettes that might have burned it a little bit?

No, is this serious or are you playing games?

No, for real, yeah.

I just want to make sure that, you know, it's legit.

Oh, well, I did.

All right.

So is it legit or not?

It's legit.

Okay.

I just don't need it anymore.

All right, look, I've got a pervert here who's just dying to talk to you.

Go ahead, Matt.

I know he's got something for you.

What's, um, what's, uh, prom dress, girl?

Prom dress.

She's 18.

Oh, damn it.

Do you have a younger sister?

No, no, no.

Oh, hang on.

I like you colored girls.

Let me get that dress.

Does it smell like cocoa butter?

Oh, my God.

Bat colored girl.

That's hilarious.

There is a smell.

There is a smell, right?

There's an Asian smell, too.

There's an Asian smell.

I'm just saying I've been to Asian people's houses or been around them.

Like, there's a smell that they have.

And I think it's from the common food they eat.

I'm sure Puerto Ricans have a smell.

I've heard that we do.

To me, it's a smell like curry.

People, like, they smell like kimchi.

when i was a cable installer their house smelled like dead fish most asian people

the punjabis were the fucking worst when you'd install shit you'd walk in there god damn it

yeah curry in here yeah like it comes out of their pores it smells like body odor and cinnamon

you're like that's disgusting body odor and cinnamon yeah exactly so gross yeah i ate that

college and he was he was like a punjabi dude and he didn't wear the owner or bullshit no yeah and

then there was the muslim guy named osama but he went by sam he's like because he's really cool he

used to listen to the show he's like yeah man i work at calls he's again man i work at call center

if i call him if i say my name's osama you know they're americans oh so busted out laughing but

he said he just said sam it's yeah dude he always he smelled like a right guard and body order like

I think he just woke up in the morning and just took a right guard stick and just all over.

And he still smelled like armpits, like really strong, but body guard too.

Yeah, right guard too.

Oh, man.

I had a lab partner in college for some chemistry class.

Big dude named Mohamed.

He was from Yemen, I think.

Man, that guy reeked.

Nice guy, but stunk fucking bad.

i never thought that that's where a big mo i've known some big mo

i never thought that it's mo i knew a guy named jihad jihad yeah is it like his rap persona or

like his real name it was the real name it was but it was yeah it was jihad he's like a young

like skinny bucket and i was like after 9-11 i was like you're gonna have a hard time dude

i worked through the middle of it i was like fine man because they were like you know we're

pulling a jihad on america and that was all the news i know a little girl's name isis i know a

jihad oh no he has a tough time with everything

Shane Smith was talking a lot of shit about ISIS today

Saying they're quite a problem

That how the fuck did they recruit 50,000 foreign fighters

Yeah, hi, is this a Pueblo, Mexico

Is that who?

Is this Puesto at the Mexican Kulo?

What is it?

Okay, let's just not be stupid

stupid can i make it you just called uh-huh you just called so what is it that you want i like to

make an order god damn it okay dumb ass okay pardon me you colored lady today i don't need

colored woman you want to be dumb i don't need a negress talking to me like that motherfucker you

bitch sucker go back to mexico how about that you're a stupid you're stupid you're alien

You're a stupid...

What?

You're a stupid...

You're an alien.

Alien.

Wow.

That's the weirdest insult I've ever heard.

I am the lion.

You're the lion.

Bye.

Bye, honey.

Bye, bitch.

Bye.

I wonder if she has some sweet potato pie.

Give me her number.

No, I got nothing better to do.

You sound like two grown-ass men.

Oops.

This is like six of us here.

I thought you were gone.

There's a lady here, bitch.

I'm an alien.

Okay.

I have a virus

You're supposed to be gone

I don't have that

Adam do you often talk in the ghetto

Ebonics to customers

It's called colored people talk

Does your house smell like afrosheen

Do you have ashy ankles

Do you know that black people smell

Like the Cocoa Brothers smell

It's true right

You know what we're talking about

We're not being racist

But they have a smell

We're not being racist

he didn't say it was a bad smell i hear we smell like uh cocoa butter smells good i smell like

spilt beer and old clothes or yeah you know the smell right you know how you you people have

some smell yeah yeah white people smell like mustard that's what black people say that's not

That's not true.

I smell like...

They smell like potatoes.

That's just a shame.

They smell like wet potatoes.

And wet dog.

Like hot Tupperware.

She's just listening to that shit.

Yeah.

Season 52, which I hear is a bullshit.

It is a bullshit.

Following season 52, downtown San Diego.

This is James at the service.

Yeah, what's on the menu?

Don't you guys change your menu every day or some shit like that?

Not every day.

We change it.

We have some staples, I'd say, but we have the chef's suggestion.

What's your staples?

Do you have potatoes?

Yeah, we have potatoes.

Yeah.

You don't have any meat, right?

We do have meat.

We have our menu available online.

Yeah, but my computer is ran out.

It doesn't go.

Oh, yeah.

Well, we have chicken, pork.

We have turkey.

Do you have beef?

Beef?

We do, yes.

Is it marbleized?

Hello?

Where does the cows come from?

Are they hand-raised?

It's a filet mignon.

But the beef that you're getting, is it organic?

Hold on one second.

Is it grain-fed?

Do they masturbate them?

Who's typing when they're quiet?

Typing is for squares.

Typing is for loud.

No.

It's grass-fed.

It's grass-fed?

Yes.

Were they...

Oh, let me let the other guys say something before I ruin it,

because I'm about to say something.

Go ahead.

Baz, what do you got for me?

Oh, Baz.

I don't know.

He's stupid.

What do you got?

What do you have for me, sir?

Do you have carrots?

Hello?

Yeah.

You know what? JFK once

said, ask not what you can do

for your country, but what

you can do for your

country can do for you. Or something like that.

What can you do for me, you stupid

cock? I'm an important businessman.

You are.

That was awesome, Baz.

Sorry to throw you under the bus there.

I was like, I don't know.

I don't know.

He was typing to me about

Shatter, and then you're like, Baz!

ass i don't know what that's about i don't know what you're talking about i mean 99 percent of

my complete shit uh i would say 100 of mine are garbage

oh there's a call that's it they weren't really talking oh sorry i don't think they were listening

I can mute you guys in a sec

I just don't do it usually for out of rudeness

but to save a call

I will chop you guys off

I'm just like yeah

if you're not paying attention

I got a sweater

here

what

alright

he was cut out

Cheesecake Factory.

this is ashley how may i help you yeah you have the money i want to make an order absolutely

okay um can i just please put you in a short hold okay fine one moment okay thanks

i never took that approach before i thought i'd do it i just like it when people flat out just

say no i can't thanks a lot does that a lot sometimes a lot of times like i get this thing

we're like why where you got a customer oh yeah what are they doing what are they getting what

are you gonna do oh it's like oh never mind someone else got oh jag you should do shows

on video i should do shows on video yeah on your youtube channel you should do live events

i tried man i can't set them up it doesn't work for some reason i could help you yeah man if

it's something you want to do i don't know yeah i've been streaming a lot more recently i got the

prank call nation twitch from brad somebody on there jack whoa that's rude dwight dang i knew

you didn't like me but wow my goodness how rude dwight huh show me on the uh notifications at

work i gotta bring my earbuds in i can listen to your show jack that'll be awesome don't listen

to mine though baz i i did i participated it was good it wasn't my only show though i know i missed

How many have you done now?

Three.

Three?

Yeah.

Sorry, I've just been busy.

I will listen to yours, too, with earbuds.

Okay, cool.

That's all I wanted to hear.

Of course I will.

Yay.

Is this Justin Bieber?

She said it was going to be, yeah.

She said it was going to be sick.

Yeah.

She lied.

Bitch.

Is Justin Bieber on the Where Are They Now list yet, or no?

Just about.

No, he's like, no, he got famous for doing Cowboys.

He got famous for spitting on fans.

I know that.

He pissed in the mop bucket, too.

I was calling to make an order and this rude woman

put me on hold for a long time

alright what

if you're there I need you to speak

I'm here

what's your name?

my name's Eddie

what is your phone number?

it's 959-232-2015

alright what would you like to order Eddie?

alright one sandwich

what kind of sandwich would you like?

with meat

With meat.

All right.

All of our sandwiches have meat.

Don't be silly.

Do you want me to go over a name?

I'm sorry?

Don't be silly.

All right.

So we have our barbecue pulled pork sandwich.

Bullshit.

What?

That's bullshit.

What else?

Okay.

We have many.

What's the next one?

I cannot take your order if you're going to talk like that.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

He has Tourette's.

What's the next one?

All right.

We have a barbecue pulled pork sandwich.

No.

A BLT.

Disgusting.

Do you want a chicken sandwich?

No.

Or turkey sandwich.

We have...

What kind of meat sandwiches do you have?

We have shrimp also.

Shrimp sandwich?

Yeah, we have our shrimp and bacon club.

Is the shrimp real shrimp or does the waiter do something with his penis?

No, it's shrimp.

How many shrimps?

You know, I'm not too sure.

If you want, I could put you on hold and I could ask my manager.

Is it going to be a long time?

I'll try not to make it a long time, my best.

Can you just ask the chef, the cook back there, say, hey...

Yeah, just a moment.

I'm going to put you on hold then.

Okay, hurry up, honey.

She likes you.

Maybe you get to talk to the chef.

Fuck yeah.

Do you guys have a...

The chefs think they're so good.

They think they're such hot shit.

Do you guys have cheesecake factories out there?

Yeah, I do.

Yep.

Columbus.

Shout out to the two-year-old who sings this song, though, for real.

We also have California Pizza Kitchen.

That place sucks.

You're all about it.

I know, huh?

Hello, ma'am.

There's music still.

Oh, I thought she was back.

Nope.

damn it's like harder to talk to the manager than it is to talk to the president telling you man

you gotta go through ticket master um hello yeah what uh the amount of shrimp is nine on our

shrimp and baking club it's a big shrimp yeah the proper way is shrimps by the way not shrimp it's

nine shrimps okay okay i'm gonna put someone else on to figure this out but the sandwiches

sandwiches go ahead someone else who do you want master anybody go ahead dwight hey let me uh let

me get you got the you got the shrimp cheesecake too is that just for the sandwiches hello ma'am

yeah you got uh you got the shrimp cheesecake or is that just for the sandwiches just for the

sandwiches is there any way to get some shrimp on some cheesecake i could give you a side of

shrimp and i could sell you a cheesecake hey you know what that'd be wonderful uh what type

of cheesecake you think would go with shrimp you know in your opinion what would go well with that

maybe something with the chocolates i could give you a chocolate cheesecake or a good

diet of chocolate cheesecake's really good uh somebody's i think i heard somebody say uh

uh the raspberry chocolate duet is would probably go pretty well with that yeah we have a white

White chocolate raspberry cheesecake.

Yeah, let me go ahead and get that.

What kind of total am I looking at here for that type of thing?

Okay, I'm not really sure what in total you want.

You want our white chocolate raspberry cheesecake?

I want the raspberry chocolate duet.

And then you said you were going to get me a side of shrimp.

Right.

And I was just trying to get a total so I know how much that brings.

Hello?

Yeah, no, I'm still here.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I think I can give it to you for $14.53.

That's a good deal.

Any way to get a lion stuffed animal thrown in with that,

or is that a separate purchase?

That's another cost, just a second, with a lion stuffed animal, $23.11.

Okay.

Yeah, no, that's fine, $23.11.

So $25, cover it easy.

I come in, and I'll get the stuffed lion, and I'll ask you, I'll say,

Say, hey, you hold the stuff flying, and then I take the shrimp cheesecakers, and I have you bend over, and I put it right up your asshole, and I touch your pussy.

Okay.

Did you want that shrimp and making club still?

No, no.

Oh, yeah.

Let me get that.

I'll put the cheesecake in your asshole, and I'll put the sandwich in your pussy.

Serious?

That's what I do.

I'm kinky like that.

That's how I do.

Okay, well, I'm going to hang up on you.

You're not going to get any food from here, okay?

Bye.

We're going to get a lot of food.

Did I hear another guy starting to chime in?

I heard another guy say, hey, Vicky.

Yeah, there was a guy on the line, too, over there.

He was picking up and hanging up all the time.

Yeah, someone hung up and then picked up again, I think, is what happened.

Thank you for calling the Cheesecake Factory at the headquarters.

This is Julia speaking. How may I help you?

Yeah, I need to speak with Vicky, please.

With whom?

Vicky.

Okay, may I please finish or hold?

Yeah, tell her this is Ryan.

Okay.

All right.

Thanks.

Ryan, terminate the call.

I get it. I get it.

Terminate the call. Or more like, hey, get the caller ID number.

Get the caller ID number, piece of shit.

Neon, look in tiny chat.

Oh, I see it. I'm typing ew.

It's fucking hot.

What happened? Do I want it?

Make me one, I see. Make me one.

Show it, I see. Show it, because Carlito didn't get to see it.

You want it? I'm looking now. It's a piece of paper.

Wow. Penis, and this is high neon. Oh, nice.

Yeah.

That's cute, Carl.

With all that hair on your face, I see. No hair on your dick.

Can't hear you talking.

Sorry, you're muted.

He shaves.

Who else is there?

Dark Stranger?

Hey, what's up?

I didn't see you guys.

I didn't see you there.

Rumble's there.

I saw him earlier.

And me!

I love Rumble.

I'm there.

What's up, Carlito?

Hey, guys.

I didn't know you were here.

Are we in hold?

Yeah, man.

Oh, I think.

Oh, my God.

It's Jack.

Hey, what's up, Baz?

I didn't know you were here either.

Baz, you're here.

Oh, my God.

I didn't know any of y'all were here.

This is Richard.

Can I help you?

Hey, what's going on?

Is this Manager?

This is Richard.

How can I help you?

Are you the manager?

I need to speak to a man.

This is the manager.

Yes.

Okay.

What's going on with Heidi?

What's her name, guys?

Heidi?

Vicki.

Yeah.

What's going on with that?

What's that whole thing?

Fucking bitch.

First of all, sir, if you could refrain from using that kind of language.

I did, and I was on the phone with whoever was speaking with her last, and the inappropriate

comments that you actually said to her- About labia?

About her labia?

What?

About her labia?

Yes, sir.

I'm so sorry that that's something that we do not tolerate at all.

And I was actually on the phone to the whole entire conversation.

And she's trying to help you out the best she can.

Add shrimp, get a white chocolate raspberry truffle,

and then you guys are going to want to talk about what you want to put where.

So by all means, she's not going to be picking up the phone again.

And I would really choose to ask if you would not call back

and bother my staff members like that.

Take a breath, man.

Take a breath.

My friend has Tourette's here.

We're just trying to place an order.

I'm sorry.

Okay, so why am I talking to three people on the phone after somebody just accosted one of my staff members?

Hey, calm down.

Listen, one of them is my handler, one of them is my wife, and one of them is my brother.

I'm the wife.

Pick which one.

I would love to help one of you.

And I'm just listening in and monitoring.

I'm the monitor.

He's from the corporate office.

He's heavy breathing in the background, like you should have been doing.

That's actually creepy that you're listening to the phone call and you didn't tell us that you were there.

We were here to point fingers about a conference call.

Because my staff member was asking me to listen in on the phone call because she was afraid to take the call.

Well, you could have let us know.

That fucking whore.

I mean, you could have let us know so that we weren't so uncomfortable.

Now it's, like, uncomfortable to talk to you.

Hey, we still get that new cheesecake for the pussy?

Imagine how it is for my staff member who had to listen to that conversation.

Sir, what's your name, sir?

I'm the monitor.

I'm writing this down.

This is Dick Richards.

Okay.

I'll call again.

i actually have a question for um cheesecake factory if you want to call him back one of

you's playing uh i go back at me he did that's not me yeah one of you's done it damn rumble

you got a fucking sweet hat sweet goatee yeah hey i'm calling cheesecake factory headquarter

sean speaking i'm gonna help you neon neon go ahead oh hi sean yes may i speak with richard

please is there something i can help you with i'm actually have a question about um something

thing that happened uh when i went into your establishment and he told me to call him back

okay oh what the hell is that what a bitch what would i call again one more time crazy

god that guy's a piece of shit man

thank you for calling the cheesecake factory the headquarters this is anna how may i help you

hi anna i was just um rudely hung up on by uh sean and i was trying to get a hold of richard

Can I please put my shirt on?

Sure.

Wait one moment.

Back to square one.

Oh, fucking shit.

I don't know how long this is.

We need more crimes to happen.

We need more crimes and more drugs.

This is Rich.

How can I help you?

This is Rich.

Hi, Rich.

How are you doing?

This is Leah.

Hi, Leah.

Hi.

I have a question.

I was in your establishment a couple days ago.

Why are your floors, honestly, why are your floors so slippery?

Is this the same person that just recently just called me?

No.

There were three people on the phone?

No.

Because you were the one that was talking.

Can you answer my question? I don't even know what you're talking about.

Okay, because your voice was exactly the same voice that just called two seconds ago and was not very nice and was very rude and was rude to one of my staff members.

You just called, talked to Sean.

Is this how you talk to customers? I'm just wondering. I don't think I'm going to go back in then, I guess.

I understand. I don't talk to customers that way, but when I've had harassing phone calls four in a row.

Well, that's not my problem. I mean, I'm calling actually with a question, a legit question, and it's not really fair that you're going to dump on me for you having a poor job.

I don't have a poor job, ma'am. That's great, and thank you for your time this evening.

Okay, I'll go ahead and notify the corporate office that you're being an asshole towards me

because, you know what, I actually slipped in your establishment

and I really don't appreciate the way that you're talking.

I don't give a crap about the other people that have called you.

Ma'am, you were on the phone with the three other people that were on the phone.

How dare you? How dare you?

This is my first time calling.

Thank you very much.

I'm a completely different person.

Okay, awesome. Have a great evening.

Fuck yourself.

Okay, awesome.

Nice Hillock reference. I liked it.

Tee.

Their floors are seriously always slippery.

Really?

Are they?

Yes.

You know what people do?

You could get hurt.

Yeah.

No, you know what people do?

Seriously.

They fall.

It's kind of sometimes like if you go to like kind of scummy ones and a bunch of kids go

in there or whatever, they put the butter packets and they smash them on the floor and

then people go right by and they fucking slip.

I know I've almost slipped a couple times.

That's fucked up.

And I'm like, holy crap.

And they're always like, I hate their color schemes.

Like the waiters wear all white and they always look really dirty and dingy.

and then the seating staff like the hosts and stuff they were all black it's really weird

not that black and white black and yellow steven steven turn your volume down you're echoing mate

again i haven't muted so i don't know yeah i muted them okay um let me get back to the map

or dwight do you have any recommendations off your list that i should get to or i'm just gonna

keep burning through it nope they're just uh random ones what's up dwight so jack i didn't

know you were here really because i just told this lady that i was gonna put a cheesecake in

her asshole and put the the sandwich in her pussy oh that was you i thought that was neon

yeah all right purple prince's bike reduced to 20 dollars oh great deal you want a bike

uh jack you should get it yeah i'll take a bike hey how's it going i'm calling about that bike

yes sir yeah right on yeah my name is stimler dan uh i'm calling for my daughter uh i have a son

who's in the military and my daughter wants this bike all right yeah so how much you got it on

there for you know which one is it uh just some bike reduced to 20 dual years um sir sir sir please

speak proper english i fight for your country so does my son we can't have any back slashing

it's a back straight soldier and let me know about that bike thank you oh shit i was just

trying to help him out someone's some petty sergeant or something how about a steak place

Steak, guys?

You guys in the mood for steak?

I am.

We're at.

I'll fly down there.

If we ever have a meetup, we've got to do a steak night.

We've got to go off.

Oh, yeah.

Best call 2015 just happened right there.

Is that it?

All right.

Eddie V's Prime Seafood.

Oh, maybe no steaks, but anyway.

Dwight, you want to call about seafood and shit?

Oh, fuck yeah.

Well, we're having that PCN slash Phone Losers meetup at Cedar Point.

Yeah, I got questions.

Questions about steaks?

Oh, it's steaks, okay.

Yeah, steaks and seafoods.

Okay, may I put you on hold for a moment?

I can't. I got the Obama phone.

Sorry?

I can't. Obama won't let me.

Oh, okay. Um, what was your question about steaks?

I guess, uh, what steaks? You got steak specials?

Um, specials for steaks? Would you like to know what kind of steaks we have?

Yeah.

We don't have specials. Um, sorry, Dini.

Check the menu right now.

okay i have swordfish steak um we have and you were just looking for a steak or something else

as well no no no steaks i because i talked to my uh i talked to my my doctor and he says uh

you know i have problems with the erections he said i need to eat more red meat and i want to

know which steaks will give me uh give me hard-ons we have um a choice of sword swordfish steak

it's broiled with fresh lump crab avocado cilantro and red chile and also that is our

one of our most popular steaks do you have red red meats you have red meat it's gonna be um

Pacific ahi tuna.

Tuna?

Usually it's our salmon.

It's our fish.

It's fresh tuna?

It's not outdated?

Because I come across some tuna before I go,

it's bad, it's bad.

No, it's definitely fresh.

We are a prime seafood restaurant,

so it has to be top of the cat's fish.

Oh, I talked to one of my friends.

You got dick lip sandwich?

What sandwich?

Sorry.

Dick lip sandwich?

Uh, no, we don't.

Oh, you got labia, labia steaks.

It makes my penis hard.

I'm sorry, I'm not understanding what you're saying.

Oh, okay, no, I'd be more, my accent, I knew, I'm fresh off both.

How fresh is your tuna?

It's top of the catch.

Okay, so if I came there and we went to the bathroom and I pulled down your panties and you have fresh tuna down there?

Okay, I'm sorry, I'm putting down the phone right now.

This is not okay to talk

to me like that.

Don't be a bitch.

Dang, she didn't enjoy all that.

I did.

I love the fresh off the boat.

What's up, Neon?

Did she call salmon

Salmon?

Yeah, she said Salmon, which is what I used to say before.

That's how Filipinas say it.

I wonder if she knows peck peck.

Spanish is Salmon.

You know, I didn't know

know until i was 19 i didn't know no bullshit until i was 20 i didn't know that my minestrone

soup was pronounced like that i kept saying my oh i said my minestrone so like me and my buddies

we all went out to celebrate a new job i got we went to an olive garden i selected the minestrone

soup and they all started laughing i'm like oh shit like dude it's minestrone i'm like i had no

I have no idea.

I'm a seafloater.

Oh, that's sad.

Stupid, right?

I was 19.

No bullshit.

You want to ring back at the seafood or you're good, Dwight?

Oh, yeah.

Some more seafoods.

Yeah.

Dwight needs the seafood.

Yeah.

Shrimps.

Calling Eddie V's Prime Seafood downtown.

May I place you on a brief hold?

Oh, yes, you may.

Thank you.

She sounds good.

Like that.

Bust out the telemarketer voice.

George wants me to start sexually harassing the men.

Hey, Carlito, they're playing your tunes.

I know, yeah, it's a good hold.

Your playlist.

They're probably playing the same showcast station I play.

Oh, yeah, this is Trumpet Song 4.

Trumpet Song 4.

Thanks for the assist.

Yeah.

Okay, I'm just going to call back.

Shout out to new user 7272.

I know, that's a buff nigga right there.

What the hell?

Thank you for calling Eddie V's Prime Seafood downtown.

This is DeeDee.

How may I assist you?

Hi, DeeDee.

I was calling to apologize for my cousin.

He was a Spanish fellow who just called in,

and he was being rather crass on the telephone with one of the attendants there.

Okay, maybe he spoke to the other hostess.

Yeah, I don't believe he called her name.

He just came over and told me what he said,

and I said, you can't be saying that to women in America.

I know you just got over here, but that's unacceptable.

Okay, thank you so much for calling, sir.

i'll let her know um okay did my number pop up in case uh uh she wanted to make contact pardon me

did my telephone number pop up on the caller id in case uh she need to make contact and get the

apology straight for him you're okay sir don't worry about that okay um just make sure when you

see her uh to uh you know go over there to sniff her crotch and make sure the tuna is fresh

You sound sexy, Dee Dee.

Dee Dee?

Dee Dee Mouse?

Damn it.

Eat that, Gordo.

She sounds pretty hot.

I'll give her that one.

Is that better, Gordo?

Who's Gordo?

Some dude, some cat, some fat dude.

Oh.

What's his name?

Gordo Nice.

Yeah, he's nice.

Gordo Nice, just like she said.

Okay, let's go back to Dwight's list.

The Dwight list.

Damn, there's a lot of sexy motherfuckers in Tiny Chat.

Okay.

Nice.

Siberian Husky.

Her name is Tequila.

There we go.

Missing. Tequila? It's a missing dog named Tequila. Damn it.

That's your dog. I want to play a game.

Hello? Yes, hi. Um, you have a little dog, a dog that's, I'm sorry, you have a dog that's missing?

Um, actually, we just, we were just able to find her. Somebody called.

Oh, yeah. And let us know that she was there.

Yay! Everyone, yay!

Yay! Yeah, I know.

We were searching. We were helping search. We're Angels to the Rescue is our name.

I was hungry.

Yeah, I found that dog before other people did.

Did you know that?

Yeah, we're a local group.

We call ourselves Angels to the Rescue,

and when we see a missing dog,

we form search parties and look and report back.

Yeah, so do you need me to deliver the rape kit to you then

so we can check to see if Tequila was raped while she was out?

No.

Like, don't bathe her or anything like that.

We need to use the rape kit to make sure that she wasn't touched, you know, by perverts.

We got you.

For free.

It's provided.

It's all donated.

Is this fake?

No, no, no.

We provide this.

We provide a rape kit.

We'll do a test, and we'll let you know if someone raped Tequila.

Because it could be another dog, you know?

Yeah.

Or as real as Pamela Anderson's breasts.

Ma'am, this is not a joke, ma'am.

There's been reports of a gang of vicious hoodlums that have been touching the dogs inappropriately.

Like bestiality?

Yeah.

Good job.

Not to be crass.

No, I think I'm good.

So we can take a look at the organs.

Okay, what were you guys called?

What's that, ma'am?

Angels to the rescue.

Yes, yes.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

welcome i mean we just have the dog at interest best interest at heart here that's all we're

concerned about okay and what how'd you get my phone and we'll make those sick bastards pay

for what they've done to pour tequila yeah if anyone okay and again yeah how did you get my

phone number ma'am ma'am i got a confession to make though i feel kind of bad i i saw tequila

earlier i was out looking on my own um before i went out with the group and i saw the dog

And I scared it with a stick

And it ran away

But luckily we found it later

But I feel kind of bad

Because I grabbed a stick

And I waved it menacingly

And I said

Thou who seeks forgiveness

Will be forgiven

www.whereismydog.com

I tell her

I asked the dog

The dog told me

And then I put my finger in its butthole

Little Billy

That's a no-no

What?

I'm sorry, I didn't hit the dog with the stick

Next time I'll hit the dog

At least you found it, you know

We don't have to feel bad

Not that I would, but, you know

Dog could have been raped by another dog

Yeah

We got the F you button, ladies and gents

Okay

okay the jedi master without a droid all right bob swank robert swank who's looking for

look at the trade r sell my or my deer rifle a cheap dirt bike are a goud you can tell oh shit

this guy's fucking illiterate we got a winner we got all the on the wheel top he types like

like he probably talks cheap dirt bike are a god you text me on here are you can text the cell

what you have my nose holy shit beautiful i bet he's italian how you doing it's vinny

your call has been forwarded to an automatic he's a little slow you got to give him another ring

your call has been forwarded to an automatic voicemail he hates us he hates us why does he

hate us he probably knows he knows that we're pcn anyway good time to say hey prank call nation.com

the podcast is there and yeah the the show real on mixer you look we can't rely on mixer all the

time what if mixer has a problem what if they shut down we lose a lot of shows so i've been

managing the podcast so um i discussed with some uh with brad and uh jayad and sloth we discussed

us the the idea of deleting off deleting shows that have been published in a showreel after

they're on the podcast on the main site i probably should have told you guys that i did that though

it kind of freaked some people out yeah well i wonder who yeah especially neon because i deleted

neon's first show on the network which by the way congratulations it's a very good show

oh thank you man yeah carlito how long have we been on mixler two hours six minutes 20 no no no

No, I'm talking about days.

Years.

Damn, right?

Over a year.

Easily over a year.

Yeah, well, that's pretty amazing that we have, like, 293 shows so far in the showreel.

Yeah.

It's fucking insane.

So starting with 2015, you have to, you know, they will be in there, like, that night and that morning

until I get to the point where it's moved over to the podcast, and at that point, it goes off the showreel.

So the best thing to do is go to PrankCallNation.com and subscribe to the podcast.

You see how that works, guys?

Yeah.

You see this forcing of them, forcing it upon them to change how they consume us.

Consume us.

Open up and take every drop.

Got some Dwight meat for you to consume.

Yeah, some Dwight sauce.

Okay.

Ashley says, text me your name and number.

Got a new phone.

Oh, yeah.

I will be taking a break here pretty soon.

Sorry to say.

but i do have my needs also you have to do everything on cam no he's not gonna jack off

on cam come on oh that's jack tv jag jag i want to see if plan man's gonna fall asleep

probably he's looking pretty sexy over there

nothing okay hey can that new user guy can you please like mute i can get him out if he's being

annoying no he's not being annoying i think he just doesn't know that he needs to mute

because that's the feedback can i mute him let me see hide video can i hide his video

but that's just for me i muted him i think yeah you can meet him individually yeah yeah

they call me the postal man okay all right so someone needs something gone tonight i will

take offers but i'm asking 35 bucks i need a body gun oh it's all black very soft and collapsible

yeah i think so yeah i don't know what it is do i do you know what it is i think it's some pussy

okay it's all it's all black very soft and classful uh collapsible there are no rips or

tears no it's pussy yeah it makes sense i don't know it's ass shitty titties spitty titties

Hello?

Shantae, you have that, it's all black, very soft and collapsible, no rips in it and everything?

It sold.

Oh, shit, motherfucker.

Really?

Yeah.

Why'd you do that, you fucking bitch?

He's too tired and high or something, drinking wed wine.

Yeah, she doesn't understand.

She doesn't understand.

She has a different custom.

Fine wood.

Please leave your message for two.

or someone needs help from someone who's really good with computers his name is pj like pajamas

oh and if you want to fix a computer now's your chance go ahead do it it's on my bucket list i'll

go ahead if you want it i'm gonna stretch you're gonna say hello or nah i said hello hey hey pj

what's going on i'm here i uh fix computers for a living i saw your thing yeah yeah so you want

your computer fixed what's what's the problem with it i'm gonna help you out like kind of

I'm locked out of it.

You're locked out of it?

Oh, I know exactly what you're doing.

One time I was looking up some child prongs, and the government thing, it's like a virus, man.

It's not real.

Don't worry about it.

But it locks your computer, man.

So you don't need to worry about that.

I can help you step by step.

Yeah.

Does it say, like, the government locks out and you need to put in your credit card number?

That's not real, man.

Don't fall for that.

No, it's like, you know when you get an iPod?

Yeah, yeah.

I got an iPod once, yeah.

Do you enable it?

Yeah, like, that's all it is, pretty much.

You enable it?

you're an enabler is that what you're saying yeah it's like disabled and shit disabled yeah i mean i

know exactly what you're talking about what you got to do number one you got to put your system

into standby mode you know how to put your system into standby mode yeah no i don't think you do

explain it to me that's what no you don't what you got to do you got to put that device inside

of a ziploc bag and cool it down by putting in the refrigerator and that'll put a heating mode off

the reason you can't get in right now is because it gets too hot you know when you use it you feel

of getting hot yeah yeah yeah yeah you gotta cool it down you know just put in the refrigerator for

a few minutes and you'll be good and then what you gotta do you gotta do something called ddos

you know what ddos is no you gotta ddos that phone all right yeah yeah i also got my tech

support aka the janitor here his name is dwight hey what's up man hey where's uh where's candy at

uh home well tell her she still owes me uh 25 dollars yeah i came over there and i worked on

her stuff the other day and uh the the deal was uh she gave me 25 dollars and then uh uh then she

would blow me and stuff well i got the 20 i got the blow job but she still owes me 25 yeah now

back to the fact you got to put the phone in the refrigerator for cool that shit down you know

You also need to put your attitude in the refrigerator, cool it down, all right?

PJ.

You there, pajamas?

I'm trying to help you out.

Pajamas.

PJ.

He's just shell-shocked right now.

He don't know what to do.

I'm going to tell you, man.

She gives the best blowjobs.

Yo, pajamas.

Tony Pajamas.

What?

That's weird.

His name is PJ, seriously.

Peter James, maybe he is.

Maybe.

Peter, a.k.a. Penis.

anyone get that amanda show reference or not nope damn amanda hey the binds yeah tony pajamas

there you go uh at the bottom of the skype chat she's gonna devour your penis with the blowjobs

tony pajamas is stuff happen i mean she looks like a little kid you're creepy good night bass

oh i'm gonna watch not a kid see you bass take it easy yeah she looks pretty young late dinner

She looks like Jag TV if Jag was a girl.

Yeah, man.

Thanks for having me on.

Thanks for the compliment, yeah.

Catch you guys later.

You're welcome, Jag.

I mean, she's pretty.

You're pretty.

Say bye to Baz.

Guys, you're being rude.

Bye, Baz.

I said bye to Baz the first time.

Say bye to Baz.

Big baby Baz.

Baz is going to get some banjo to eat.

All right.

Don't be talking shit.

God, Carlito, you didn't even hear our joke.

It's not like it's your show or anything.

Come on, guys.

It's not like it's your network.

God.

There's a horse for sale off Philly.

Horse a cat.

I'll hear your joke later.

Let me know when you call one, too.

Baz is leaving now.

Hello, Baz.

Yeah, you have a filly, a nice little filly there?

Yes, sir.

How big is it?

Which one are you calling about?

The first one.

Is it black or soft?

Yeah, the black one.

The black one.

She's probably like 15 hands, maybe 15 one.

15 hands.

All right.

And I can put a lot of marijuana in there and roll it up?

Yeah, if you want to.

Yeah.

Okay.

Sounds good.

Yeah.

Is it a flavored one or is it a flavored?

How does the horse taste?

That's pretty good.

Does it taste just like raisins?

Yeah.

Okay.

What else can you tell me about horsey?

What's the horsey's name?

Say what?

What's the horse's name?

Bill, what's your name?

The horse's name is Bill?

Yeah.

Oh, that's nice.

Okay.

Yeah.

Huh?

What flavor was it?

Billy the Philly.

I didn't hear what flavor it was.

Our Bill takes good care of those Philly's he fingers their pussy.

All right, I take that back.

That was best call 2015.

That was a shit call.

Alexis needs new people to text her.

It's Superman.

Superman.

Be careful.

This one is definitely underage.

I'll take it.

I don't check the Facebooks before.

I think you're here, Jack.

Yeah.

I'm like the closest to 18 out of any of us.

So that's fine.

I don't think you'll get juvie anymore, though.

No.

You might get some first offender leniency there.

What's her name?

Lean.

Her name is Lean.

Lean Cuisine.

He gets a judge that wants to make an example and shit.

oh dang ends up doing fucking 25 years conversation like i can't even talk to

jack's like i asked her a fucking name now i'm doing 25 years damn it that's how they get you

Abatella, please record your message.

When you finish recording, you may hang up or press 1 for more options.

Ain't no answer there, Dwight. Ain't no answer.

Last on this list is Anna. We'll take a break after this.

We have Anna, who got a new phone.

X-L-O-L, text me.

Anna, lovable DS.

We'll see about that.

We're sorry, the number...

Oh, that hurts.

She typed it wrong.

She says her number is 1-2-3-4-5-6-7.

she played a prank on us i think there's a i think oh look at this down towards the bottom

in her comments she comments on her own thread uh but it's funny this dude just inboxed me said

hey they just texted me he's so slow apparently we are too apparently yeah i'm not stupid i'm

special all right so anyway when we come back we got we uh dwight did you get more numbers

we can keep throwing the dart at the map in san diego that worked out so far although it's

getting late maybe we can move to honolulu or something it's not late callie oh yeah you're

right it's only 8 40 yeah great it's late for old people so it's uh good night see ya bye all right

so i'll be right back in a few minutes thank you

You're listening to Madhouse Live Live.

I'm the largest prank call station in the nation.

Prank call nation.

They came fighting, winning teams, killing the group, and it wasn't just a pipe dream.

Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.

You know what? I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trapdoor at the bottom.

So when you die, you open that trapdoor at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman. You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

Just because it's in print doesn't mean it's the gospel.

people write negative things because they feel that's what sells good news to them doesn't sell

how has it impacted you my album is number one all over the world all over the world america's

the only one because i don't want to say too much but it's not number one in the united states

conspiracy yeah never stop helping and loving people the way jesus said to you he said continue

to love always love bring on the children imitate the children my childish for childlike and we're

back thank you everyone who hung in there with us during the break sorry it took longer than i

normally do but it did it did become a big long thing i'm carlito i am here joined with uh neon

dwight and jag tv they call me jag any story behind jag i like that yeah there's an elaborate

I haven't rused mine at all.

Ah, there you go.

We'll find out one day, everybody.

Yes.

The secret of the Jag will be given to us.

Okay, let's do some more prank calls for a little bit, and I'll call it a night.

This is going longer than I thought it was going to go.

It's fun.

We're having fun.

Should have gotten the numbers already.

I'm slow.

Are you putting them in the Mixer chat, right?

Yeah, they're in the Skype chat.

The first one on the new list is Sharon.

Sharon.

Sharon with the hair wrong.

Hair weird.

First one I see is Adriana Sarkarajal.

yeah this is real professional what we're doing here anyway we'll start with this one oh no yeah

the the second list is up a little ways let me go a little further that's that's the third list

oh that's the third list okay all right yeah i want to do this in order i want to burn any of

these numbers sharing okay so i'm going to go sharing down to whatever this is i uh i retrieved

the number from dashie for that black guy uh remember the black guy and his girlfriend last

last night yeah yeah we got them but they're in the third list okay okay so i'm going from

sharon to becca oh yeah i love becca all right looking for someone to help feed water in the

morning as a part-time job and feed and water plants are she talking about i'm assuming she's

meeting her kids their kids okay neon you want to do one are you good or anyone is neon here

i don't think she's here i think she's gone she said brbs popcorn under my lip wiki wiki

Hello, Sharon.

Hi, Sharon.

Are you still looking for someone to do some part-time work feeding and watering little animals?

No stress.

Yeah, it's rather late to be calling, though.

Well, I'm kind of desperate.

I'm sleeping, so thank you.

I'm sorry.

I just got home, and I needed my dinner.

I'm back at Bopper.

Good night.

Help me, please.

Tell me about the job.

Come on.

Bitch.

No?

Damn it.

Fucking Kong dumpsters.

What a dick.

Damn.

Sir.

Okay.

Big Becca.

K-K-E-A-A-A-B-E-C-K-A.

Who says that she's tired of the bullshit?

Oh, we got a German Shepherd puppy first.

German Shepherd puppy!

I haven't heard this version before, Carlito.

It's the MTV Unplugged version.

Nice.

It's pretty good.

It's a pretty good album.

Melody!

Dr. Finn.

Jay-Z's one of those artists, you know, I'm supposed to hate because he's so mainstream,

but I actually do like him.

I like some of his stuff.

Hey, Melody.

What are you doing, Melody?

What is this?

hey no it's dwight uh dustin told me to call he said you got the puppy i'm actually going

somewhere to sell it what no don't do that you sell it to me dustin says you give me a good deal

i already promised somebody i can't do that hey don't be a fucking cunt and do what dustin tells

you he's a man who are you yeah no this is dwight and i'm friends with dustin and he said he said

He said that if I give you $250 for the puppy, that you'll let me go down and eat your pussy for the rest.

Can I be your boyfriend?

Oh, my God, Dwight.

Yeah, shit, Dwight.

All right, I'll do fine.

That was pretty awesome.

I'm on Dwight's team.

Speaking of awesome, where's General Awesome?

Is he feeling better yet?

I don't know.

Oh, he was in the chat room earlier.

He's dropping the inbox.

or something. I didn't know he felt like shit.

Hello? Yeah, why you

hanging up? Who are you looking for?

I'm looking for Melody.

Okay, well this is not Melody.

This is Jasmine. How can I help

you? Okay, Jasmine.

Why don't you just bring the tone down first, sweetie,

okay? No, because you're a

pervert calling my little cousin

talking about eating her coochie for a dog.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

This isn't Jasmine Gray, is it?

This conversation is being recorded, and it will get sent

this isn't jasmine gray is it bitch don't worry about who this oh i heard about you bitch i heard

about you you didn't hear about anything babe you have a big vagina about you yeah how many

fingers can that bitch fit question mark it's called the bitch fit i don't know you want to

try it out and see i'll open them guts i'll open those butts what stupid bitch do you think that

really hurts my feelings no yes yes it does if you have to say that it does it really in some

way it does but it really doesn't i mean that's so high school and junior high who really gets

mad about being a bitch because i am you probably you probably got bullied i'm a slut no but i didn't

i was bye felicia bye felicia you try to sound ghetto and hard but you're nothing are you white

or black i'm black any other question if you know who this is bitch you don't see my picture

that's disgusting you people are nasty that's okay because i have white teeth so i guess that

makes y'all nasty you have white teeth yeah that's all we can see how is that even a comeback

like i don't even yeah i got white teeth in the back room my kids

what the fuck i gotta call again that was pretty funny that's awesome open the butts jack really

i'm looking at her facebook and i'm like all right what do we got on her

what kind of comeback did I make

like what

Jesus Christ

George

Jorge

George is fucked up

George says call her the n-word

and threaten to rape her little cousin

that is fucked up

oh that's cause he got a call today about that

I love you George

just kidding

everybody knows George is a midget nigger

everybody knows that oh yeah you're right sloth george is real as fuck and i like that george yeah

he's a real dude yeah you got a point he's a real dude yeah he ain't afraid man i love george is

george george is nice to everybody oh yeah in the chat i've had him actually get on the microphone

before and all he does is go that's all he did in the microphone will you talk george say something

dude you can do it that's the scary thing is that he doesn't even need to say anything but

but everybody always talks about him, you know?

Exactly. He's famous.

He's PC and famous.

Madhouse Radio – 1/14/15 Show

Calls (42, 1 h 47 min of 3 h 28 min)

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