How To Make Mud

Okay, you motherfucker, you.

Excuse me?

I'm not playing no fucking games, dude.

I... I...

Fuck you, son of a bitch!

Stop making a stupid comment!

You're out of your crazy mind!

You ain't getting no goddamn dollars!

I'll fuck you!

All my blood!

You're not perfect!

Why don't you piss off?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

I say, is there a toilet here?

No, this is a haberdashery.

There is a toilet at the post office next door.

Thank you!

Are you not well?

My bowels are loose and I feel feverish.

The bathroom is at the post office, but I think you need a doctor.

Yes, where is the doctor's office?

The doctor's office is close from the Pyongyang International House of Culture.

Thank you. I ache all over.

You are not well.

Can I get an injection there?

Yes, our hospitals have the most modern amenities.

I hope to see a lift.

I am too tired to walk the stairs.

Yes.

What is the cost of the hospital?

Cost is nothing.

We don't pay for the medical care.

We believe it is a criminal offense to profit from illness.

That is logical.

Thank you for your assistance.

we know well that if we defend socialism we'll enjoy victory and happiness and on the contrary

if we abandon it we'll suffer defeat no challenging no difficulty can shake the

conviction of socialist career bullshit bullshit you know something don't listen what do you know

maybe i do and maybe i don't what i say is they got no business negotiating we're gonna be going

back in there with a bullet for everybody in the yard oh is that right we do it now we do it later

Later, it could be no use.

Wait a minute, guys and black Muslims, young lords, besides you, the average antisocial.

We got to go in, right?

Clean your clocks.

Ladies and gentlemen.

How to do that.

How to do the do that.

Hello there.

These bees are the postmasters general.

I'm not the postmaster general.

I'm Carlito, the host of the show.

Thanks for joining me right now.

I am alone.

I'm scared for being alone.

Yeah.

I'll be doing them prank calls.

I'm really excited about that.

done if you're not there already be sure to head over to madhouse live.com that's my website that

website is used for subscribing to my podcast checking out my variants my variants my variants

yeah sure why not that's the thing my variants check out my variants over there and uh you can

also go to what's it called their prank call nation.com it's here for that site that's where

where you can get all the other shows that are on this fledging fledgling network fedgling

fledgling however that goes etc network that we are all on let's get right to it let's see if i

get someone to pick up the phone you know i'm always at the mercy of someone actually picking

up the damn phone hey can i get a favor though if you are in in the it well yeah let me announce

youtube video is up again this week hopefully this time i got the problem fixed where i didn't

have the audio going out if you wouldn't mind letting me know if you can hear me talking now

you're not going to hear music you should at least be able to hear me talking let me know that that's

working please i would appreciate that tiny chat room is also working that's tinychat.com

slash prank call nation again that's tinychat.com slash prank call nation there's already some

ass hats in there now hey guys how you doing um but as i was saying let's get right to the prank

calls with our first one of the night this is the person named dale who has five acres of land with

a decent fence i really this guy posted this once already and i think i called him about to ask where

am i gonna shit hopefully got enough credits to last the night help me god make them stand them

like oil soda i saved the soda for the show hello hey boy how you doing we're good how are you

uh none of your business i see that you still haven't gotten rid of them acres you had

the five acres hello why because i said none of your business just being honest it's none of his

business right and he says he hears stupid mexican i'm guessing that means it's working hello yeah

he ain't gonna talk to me now because i insulted his his degree of madness that's not even a thing

i'm pretty sure but it sounded good at the time um if you're watching on youtube and not listening

uh over at prank call nation.com you're gonna miss out on the music because youtube and google

Google are not very happy when you happen to, like, I don't know, stream music on their service.

And they'll actually kick you off instantly.

It actually detects it on the fly.

That Google, is there anything they can't do?

So that explains why you're not hearing music.

So if you want the full scope, the full thing, head on over to PrankCallNation.com.

But you can always just stay where you are and catch that later.

You can use this to see me.

See the chat room.

The chat room shows up on the video, too.

Yeah.

The call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Bullshit.

I'll try it again.

Although that was a long-range sequence we just had.

Hey, how are you?

I see you picked up the second there.

How about that, huh?

Hello?

Is that Jeff?

Who is this?

Are you selling something?

You're selling some stuff?

You posted?

No, you got the wrong number.

Oh, you're looking for a job doing masonry work, right?

Do what?

Have you done masonry work before?

You're looking for a job?

I've done library and stuff.

you what can you do i can make mud i'll maybe carry brick but i've done a lot of stone work

i knew it all right i'll interview you now how do you make the mud tell me i'm interviewing you now

i got a job i need people to start either tomorrow or tuesday permanent work where at uh there's a

new development they're starting to build called the horse machine ranch road here and i'm the

foreman where's that at i live in rogersville yeah i'm a contractor they sent me out here to

be in charge of building the damn thing we're starting breaking ground tomorrow we could use

a tuesday starting tuesday but you can come on down tomorrow if you want start working tomorrow

i've got a doctor's appointment in the morning all right well tuesday you want to start working

tuesday i pay 18 15 i pay 18 15 hour and you get uh extra two dollars your work on sundays

extra dollar if you work on saturday yeah i'm fine with that fuck yeah motherfucker sounds good so

tell me how do you make the mud how do you make the mud tell me it's cordon where we i mean how

are you used to making it it's been like a two-bag mixer a two-bag mixer machine yeah yeah all right

and what do you put in there tell me yeah if i work for ladies we use it start out put a five

I don't know, about three-quarters of a full bucket of water in it at first

and then put in 15 shovels of sand and put one bag in

and then put about, I don't know, a quarter of how wet the sand was

or whatever, if it was dry, we'd put more water.

But if the sand was a little wet, we'd put 15 more in it

or put another three-quarters of a bucket of water in it

and then 15 more shovels of sand and then another bag in it.

okay all right shut up please uh all right so can i yeah that sounds perfect can i let you know how

we do it please hello hello yeah yeah the way we do it we have a different we we use a what we call

a water machine have you do you know about the water machine oh okay you go into the you you

pulled on your pants and your underwear and then you sit down on it and you push out your bowels

in your shit out of your ass and that's the mud that's what we call making mud yeah yeah yeah

fuck you no i'll pay you that much money to do that just sit around shit for me like a retarded

bird like a retarded bird that shits all the time yeah fuck you making mud everybody

buddy chris says no no that was chris we just talked to hang on hang on hold the phone hold

the phone um kyle says i am look for any unwanted scrap i talked to this guy last week he posted

again that's funny i don't think it was last week it was last show on the 14th of the show

believe that's when i talked to this guy or maybe it was last sunday i told him everything i had i

I told him he could take it and shove it up his ass.

Yep.

Hey, how you doing?

Happy Black Monday.

Were you looking to get rid of some scrap?

Yeah.

Would you take a refrigerator?

Well, it just depends where you're coming from, exactly.

All right, you know the pike?

You know where the pike is?

No, not right now.

Shit.

I can text you the address.

Would that work?

Do you have GPS on your phone machine?

Yeah.

Is this here a texting phone?

Yeah.

All right, I text it to this number.

It won't mess up your texting?

dude no that's fine okay all right and then what do you do you take it down you just recycle them

uh recycle it yeah okay do you how far up to your ass will you put the um laundry machine

and the washer and dryer i'll pick it up your ass no no you take it not me stupid that's not

how it works you come here and put it up your ass no i'll pick it up your ass stupid well then

you know i can just do that myself well yeah huh well yeah he was agreeing well yeah you got points

hey buddy i'm sorry i'm sorry about that all right yeah all right are we okay me and you

no no we ain't okay oh uh what do you can you recommend something i can put them

and i want to explain what i was gonna say i don't want you guys to ever know until i use it

Fucking tap water is so fucking good

Alright we're done with that guy

We're done with him

Let's see what we got here

Someone has five new windows

Light fixtures and new and old doors

Some with frames

500 for it all

500 for all of it

Good deal

What do you mean good deal

Good deal

Hey good deal

Good deal

You got a good deal

Good deal

Yeah that's a good deal

That's a good deal you got there motherfucker

On that stuff

You're selling the new windows

And light fixtures and old doors

Oh yeah

My bad

I didn't know what the heck you were talking about

My bad dude

I was like huh what

Yeah fucking asshole

Yeah I got windows

Brand new windows

Some of them need cleaned up a little bit

Because they're dirty

You're dirty

Single windows.

You're dirty.

All kinds of stuff.

Try to get rid of it.

I just don't want it.

You're dirty, though, right?

Huh?

You're dirty?

Dirty?

No, it's all clean.

No, you.

I'm not dirty.

You're not dirty people?

No.

You sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.

It's all clean.

My old lady got this stuff from her landlord.

She found out we was moving and stuff.

And her landlord gave all this stuff to her to sell or do what we wish with.

okay did you have sex like on top of the doors or anything like that what like did you do any

fucking like on the fuck is it eddie eddie who eddie cross eddie cross i don't know you don't

know you so anyway so did you did your um how many teeth do you have do you have all your teeth i

should say and your girl do you have all your teeth is hello look out here oh yeah yeah hey

Hey, honey, did you hear what your husband said to me?

Yeah, it sounded like you mentioned the word sex and doors.

I could hear it across the room.

He called me son of a bitch.

Did you call him a son of a bitch because I didn't hear you say that?

No, he didn't, sir.

Can you tell him I said he's a cunt and that his wife's a cunt?

And he says you're a cunt.

And his wife's a cunt.

You know you're talking to the wrong person, right?

You don't say that shit to him.

No, say that his wife is a cunt.

Tell him I said that, too.

Oh, you said that I'm a cunt, too.

You must be a chicken shit.

And tell him that I said your pussy stinks.

I'm not saying this.

I'm just telling him to say that I said it.

Okay, he said to tell you that he says that my pussy stinks.

Yeah.

Now, tell him that you've gotten bigger dicks than him before.

can you tell him that you've got bigger dicks than him before and that it felt better than him

oh why do you want me to say that because he just beat the fuck out of you for that

no go ahead say it he said that um to tell you that this guy's dicks been in me before and that

no better that you've had something like that what'd you say that you've had bigger dicks than

than him in you before,

and that they feel better.

I haven't,

but,

fuck.

I've had bigger dicks in me before,

and that they feel better.

Who is this fucking guy?

I don't know,

are you fucking retarded or something?

I just want to hear,

Me?

I just want to hear,

Are you fucking retarded?

I just wanted to hear your wife say a bunch of sexy shit,

hot sexy shit.

I'm fucked up.

And change the battery on that alarm system there,

fucker.

Fucker.

Yeah, motherfucker.

Yeah, that's not what I got fucked your mommy for.

That's right, pussy-ass bitch motherfucker, you.

Your mom is dead.

Yeah, I think I do remember you.

Your mom is dead.

I'm the one who fucking gave birth to your motherfucking ass, man.

I fucked your daddy, too.

Your mom is dead.

Well, I think I fucked you in the ass.

I think you needed it.

Your mom is dead.

You's a dumb baby.

Your mom is dead.

Sure, okay.

All right.

Now hang up the phone.

Hang up the phone, motherfucker.

Let me fuck your mom in her ass, too.

Yeah, hang up the phone, motherfucker.

This is too much fun.

This is great.

Yeah, this is fun shit.

I command you to hang up the phone.

I love fucking shit.

I command you to hang up the phone.

You command yourself, man.

No, I command you to hang up the phone.

Get your hand out of your pants.

Quit jacking off.

When you hang up the phone, it means that I've got a bigger dick than you and that your wife likes it better when she gets bigger dicks of my size.

That's what...

Wow.

That's what hanging up is going to signify.

You're a queer dude.

I'm not.

He's probably over there masturbating right now because he has nothing else to do with his life.

This is what we get for trying to sell some fucking motherfucking windows.

I like that, man.

It's like, you're dirty?

I'm like, I'm not dirty.

I think he's motherfucking dirty.

I think he wants to get fucked in the ass like Putin-style shit.

You got nothing better to do with your time but listen to Tradio and Swap Shop and take people's numbers and call and say crazy shit?

Do you not have a life?

You don't have a life, do you?

I told you you hang out.

Everything I said was true.

I told you.

Who's next?

Hello, I am looking for a job.

What the fuck do I keep bringing that one?

Jesus Christ.

Alright, 96 Audi.

which is better than a Mercedes

and a BMW put together.

Alright, no joy there.

No out.

someone's looking to buy nicotine patches

in unopened packaging

expired by a few months is okay

alright, I give up

I'm getting ready to start throwing darts

but before that, I'll give Swap Shop one last try

a lady has posted

a set of running boards for an equinox

I have a western wagon, I don't know what the fuck that is, I don't care

four atv tires i have a two-bedroom mobile home for rent and i'll try probably be the last one of

these i'm feeling some lows i'm feeling some lows we're gonna play some proper lows roulette like i

like to do you know what i'm saying yeah hey how are you hello in here you have a mobile home yeah

yeah what's that have to do with bail bonds do you do bail bonds too uh maybe bail bonds is my job

maybe why do you say maybe why can't you just say that's what it is well you know that yeah

Yeah, I've got a mobile home for rent, but your attitude, I don't think I'd let you rent any damn thing.

No, what attitude?

I don't have a, I was just curious.

You've got a piss poor fucking attitude.

When you call somebody, what does that have to do with bail bonds?

It don't matter what the fuck it's got to do with bail bonds or whatever.

I answer my phone however I fucking want to.

I pay the goddamn bill.

Do you understand that, you old son of a bitch?

Fuck you, motherfucker.

You understand that, you son of a bitch?

Damn, flew off the handle.

I barely did anything.

I just scratched the surface of that dude.

dude. Don't fucking call

me. Listen, I'm sorry,

okay? Fuck. Let's save

this cat's number, man. Piss poor

attitude. Listen. Motherfucker, motherfucker.

I don't want to put it up your ass. Motherfucker. Don't call me

no more. Motherfucker.

Still a motherfucker. I gotta save that

number. I'll call him later with a different color.

I'm sorry. Okay.

Let's go. Alright, so we're gonna play

proper Lowe's roulette, and for this we'll

need the cooperation

of everyone in the chat room.

What I do is I call a Lowe's

home improvement place here in the united states and uh what is it you need to give me a number

shit see i always screw it up just give me a number what you're gonna do is when i say go

you start type type in a chat room a number between three and six and then in the chat room

i will post the word poop and whoever has the first response immediately after my typing and

entering of the word poop in the chat room and again this is over all at prank call nation.com

slash chat whoever does that that'll be the option we'll pick so again it should be a number between

two and six if someone posts a number outside of those bounds or something that is a non-integer

it will be not considered and the next one will pick the next one will be the pick okay all right

so anyway i have the final load so it looks like the super bowl is patriots someone just got blown

now. I saw 47 of something. I think it was

the Patriots. Is Patriots Seahawks?

I know the Seahawks club is a good fucking game

right before the show started. Anyway, I got

my Lowe's here. Let me load that in because people are already putting

in the numbers.

Start your numbers.

In the chat room now.

For directions to the

store, press 1. For store

hours, press 2.

For information on deliveries,

press 1. For scheduled

installations, press 2.

Wins.

Who had it?

Alliances, press 4.

Flutter Pie.

Lumber and building materials.

Transferring to lumber and building materials.

Please hold.

Lumber and building.

Flutter

what's your name, Nito?

Yes.

How do you spell that?

N-I-T-O.

All right, do you have the wood machines?

The what?

The wood.

The wood machines.

Wood machines?

Mm-hmm.

You mean like a saw?

The big machine you use for the wood there when you buy it.

You mean to cut it?

The one that goes...

That one, you know, it goes...

Like that.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, how come you don't have a wood machine then?

Oh, I think I'm stupid.

hello hey buddy hello you came back hey hey why'd you come back yeah i heard the hang up music

okay why is there a song before it hangs up on me when i call this place how does that work i don't

know sir do you put me on hold then hang up is that corporate policy or does it just work like

that do you know what i'm talking about huh no i i don't i don't know how that works sounds like

you got a nice root on you huh okay you got a nice um is there any is there anything else i can

Can I help you with, sir?

You packing a nice root under there?

Yeah.

I don't know exactly.

What's the button mean?

Hello?

What's the button mean that you hit?

What's that?

Okay.

What number was that?

What number?

One or two?

You hit one or two.

One of those, right?

Two.

You hit two, right?

Hello?

Hello, nerd.

Anyway, all right.

We're calling back.

And in the chat room, go ahead and start submitting your choice for the next one.

The winner is seven.

I think seven is an option.

I said two through six, damn it.

Alright, so you can do two through seven.

I think you can actually do eight also.

Two through eight we'll do.

Eight will take us to the next.

Alright.

Random numbers right now.

Do them now, quickly.

I guess it's four.

No one really wanted to answer anything.

We're calling four back.

please hold last one we did was five this is four i might have to call a different lose this one's

kind of flat fine sis this is more earlier can i help you yeah hi um i was i need to have get an

explanation here actually um i was talking to somebody and they said that just because i put

a bowling ball in my appliance that i got there that it wasn't valid i just got this letter back

I guess it came in the mail yesterday, and I'm seeing it now for the first time.

But supposedly, just because I put a bowling ball in it and then turned it on,

I'm not able to get it fixed.

How is that fair?

You put a bowling ball inside?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Do you want me to transfer it to one of the managers?

Yeah, I think so, because this is disgusting.

This is a disgusting thing that you people have done to me.

You have disgraced my family.

I don't understand.

are you saying that uh is something wrong with the dryer and it's not working yeah it doesn't go

it doesn't go anymore it doesn't there was a bowling ball inside yeah it was a bowling ball

got put in it yeah and it doesn't want to go now hmm all right okay all right let me transfer you

to uh customer service tell them to get you a store manager okay you motherfucker you excuse

me okay hello damn it oh damn it uh or maybe not i think that's this is this is just our house

I really want to hold to see if I get the manager

because you know he's explaining it to him right now

what the fuck I just said. Guys, let me know if YouTube

audio is working now. Looks like it wasn't

working before. Looks like I just got it going.

I don't know why it did that, but it did it.

I don't know if you can hear me.

No one might look.

This is a copyright song and it will get us in trouble.

That's happened to me before in the YouTube shit.

If you do want to see the live video feed,

you can see it. It's on the front page over

at madhouselive.com at the top.

Redesign. Once again, redesign

redesign madhouse live.com let's redesign this last week tired of waiting what was this four

was it now who what now do what now was it i'm ignorant i'm ignorant excuse me

so yes you're watching on youtube now you're just finally getting audio sorry about that the last

30 minutes of the show were muted once again

all right let's see if we can get him to pick back up hello jared bray don't be sending me

any fucking game invites on facebook you motherfucker fine sir this is marley i'm

gonna help you yeah i don't know what's going on you were over there trying to get a stupid

manager a stupid visor to talk to me yes yeah why did it take so long you little monkey excuse me

you monkey animal you how long is it gonna take to talk to someone over there shit well why why

Why are you insulting me?

Because the fucking shit doesn't go anymore.

You understand?

No.

Why would you want to put a bowling ball in the dryer?

It's not my fault.

I was trying to dry it because I was going to be bowling.

Okay?

It got WD-40 on it.

So I ran it through the wash and I was trying to run it through the dryer to get the last of the WD-40 burned off.

Okay.

I said it.

Next thing I know, I come back.

The dryer came out.

It flopped down.

It knocked over my birdcage.

and i have a cockatiel named bozo and he was flying around he took shits everywhere all over

the fucking tv you have to talk to america well how long is it gonna be ass hold on a second you

ass larry let me get you something hey i want to talk to a man not a woman this is larry yeah i

want to talk to a man not a woman okay how can i help i'm not very happy listen the bowling ball

just because the bowling ball goes in a dryer um i get a letter back saying that you guys aren't

going to fix it this is disgusting okay what is let me know the situation that's going on i'm just

jumping into it so if you wouldn't mind letting me know what's going on i'll try and see what we

can figure out i left my house with the dryer running i came back and had fell over it complete

it caught on fire it started smoking but it luckily didn't go into a raging fire right and

knocked over the bird cage and my cockatiel bozo got out was flying around was taking big shits

everywhere they got shit all over the place so i took the dryer i had it taken and they they took

it and then they said no the guy took a look at it and said no because you put a bowling ball in

it broke the warranty and i said goddamn motherfucker you like you better fix this

motherfucker like that and i poked him in the chest with my finger like really hard i kept

poking him really hard and he said all right you know and he said he was going to try just

submitting a some kind of what do they call it like an appeal form and then i got it back i got

it back in the mail i guess friday or saturday and it says no because i put a bowling ball in it

okay can i get your name and number sir yeah so i want to know first of all who which one of you

motherfuckers over there is the one that said that i put a bowling ball in it i don't know sir

i guess the xpo that came out and checked it or was it the repair service that came out

I don't know, some stupid Mexican motherfucker.

All right, sir, if you could just...

Some beaner.

The beaner, the beaner, he was like...

Like that, that's what I was saying.

Stupid motherfucker.

All right, sir, can I get your name and number,

and I'll try and get some information

and find out what's going on with the issue.

I want to make sure it's a man that talks to me

and preferably a white Caucasian man.

All right, sir, I'll do what I can.

Can you make that guarantee?

I can.

Huh?

Hello?

Hello, motherfucker.

Can I get your name and number, sir?

Yeah, my name is Cross.

Hello?

Cross.

My name is Cross.

Cross?

Yeah.

And your phone number?

It's 619-582-2015, motherfucker.

And put down, I want you to write down next to my name, put down motherfucker.

Mother.

Motherfucker.

Write it down.

Did you write it?

Sir?

Did you write motherfucker?

motherfucker i did not write motherfucker down well do it now write it motherfucker

write it you motherfucker i need you to kind of refrain from the language fucking shit

fucking shit can you transfer me the tools i can help you out no i help you out i need an item

looked up what item do you need looked up it's the machine which machine the main machine i'm

gonna need a little more information on the machine it's a main machine it turns on it

it takes the power it goes in it goes me like that it goes all right i'm trying to help you

out the best i can but you're not being very cooperative hip hip hip hip all right you're

not helping me out man oh it's slow night tonight i'm trying to do the best i can sir

this is slow night tonight though you know nothing's really popping off yet

sucks bro all right it's like the sunday thing the sunday thing doing the show on the sundays

he's everyone's like out of energy or something it's like trying to piss a guy off who just came

you know who just had an orgasm it's like how do you do that you can't it's really hard to

piss a guy off right after he gets off you know what i mean yes so i will find out what's going

on with your order okay and i'll probably be giving you a call tomorrow or one of us will

give you a call tomorrow and see what we can do for you all right you little monkey you you

foreigner little monkey beaner mexican fucking idiot all right you have a nice night beans and

and rice beans and rice bye it was okay he wasn't i don't know the first guy all he really said was

what did you say whatever the fuck it was it's funny but it wasn't really worth all that time

well noon if you want me to you know do uk numbers why don't you get me some

you want to do me a favor and do that

no that's not true hey how about one last round of lowe's roulette now that we got a manager

involved in this we might be able to get one last one in there i'll make it a good department if

it's one of the ones we just did i'm not going to do it so don't do five and don't do seven

i guess if you do uh five or seven i'm not gonna do it so a number between two and eight

excluding five and seven two and eight excluding five and seven and start that now

store is closed never mind fuck your numbers it's funny i probably was holding him there for like a

long time after the store was already closed what an asshole i am was i having a nightmare last

last night or did did was prank master somehow getting dwight to call him last night did that

really happen yeah that did didn't it that was so surreal that was a weird show last night all right

here's okitan japanese bistro hey how you doing baby hi my baby how are you yeah i'd like to make

an order motherfucker yeah oh yeah one chicken uh one chicken sesame sesame chicken chicken

yeah with rice yes sir rice and beans huh fried rice or steamed rice motherfucker stupid motherfucker

who do you think you are huh who do you think you are you motherfucker you yeah can i get that

okay okay that's nice okay yeah so you got that all right and then uh let's see here um how much

does that come to? Do you have sashimi? Do you have sashimi? Okay, do you have sashimimi?

What kind of sashimi would you like? Sashimi mimimo? Uh, mimimo? Hello? Yeah, it's called

mimimo, mimimo. Uh, what about pape people? Pape people? You don't have pape people? I

don't think. Uh, do you have ching chang? Ching chang chong? Ching chang chong? What,

Can you tell me what you look for?

Can you say Ching Chang Chong?

Yeah, sashimi rice.

Yes, fine.

Are you Okama?

Hello?

Yeah, are you an Okama?

Are you Okama?

Huh?

Do you know what is Okama?

Okay, what about, can I order kusomaki?

I think I can check your order, sir.

I want you to make me a big kusomaki for me.

Big kusomaki.

Okay.

Yeah.

All right, so kusomaki is a shit roll.

I don't know, and what did I ask him if he is it?

but i'm presuming prank call mania did this he was suggesting this in the chat room uh can you

tell me what that whatever that was i forgot what it was and i don't know what it means please thank

you prank call mania very good see this is why we have a chat room everybody again i am carlito

host of madhouse radio doing a show as i usually do on sunday nights uh you're listening to carlito's

madhouse radio or madhouse live whatever on prank call nation prank call nation.com is a website

if you enjoy prank call nation uh and you have the means to do so we would ask you that you help

support keep us afloat keep us going uh you can help us out by supporting us over at patreon.com

slash prank call nation once again that's patreon.com slash prank call nation give us a

hand on energy i think the i think you can you can support us with as little as a dollar a month

oh yeah and again if you weren't aware you can watch a uh youtube feed without music but with

the prank calls and with me and whoever else joins the show later talking um over at madhouse

live.com probably the best place to get a hold of that for you and if you are doing that please

help me out by liking and subscribing if you're watching on youtube thank you all right let's do

another one actually no let's go that plays back indeed yes i'd like to make an order please sure

what can i get for you uh i like one do you have any shrimp tempura rolls sorry your voice is

breaking shrimp tempura roll do you have any of those yes okay all right one kusomaki

yeah i don't know i don't know what can you these are someone there speaks japanese might

be able to tell you oh yeah let me hold on just a moment okay uh oh mushi mushi mushi mushi uh-huh

Yeah.

Kusomaki?

No, Kusomaki.

Hello?

Yeah, what's going on?

Okay, so you wanted to have the shrimp nipper roll.

Yeah, and what else do you want to order?

Kusoroll?

Kusomaki?

Kusoroll?

Okay.

Yeah, I put the Japanese server, and then he didn't understand what you really want.

Oh, well, maybe he's...

Is he from Kyoto, do you know, or where?

Okay, so...

I'm Kyoto.

I'm from Kyoto.

Okay.

But still, we don't know what we really want.

So you check our website, and can you give me...

Yeah, well, I mean, it's all the same stuff.

It's all the same stuff everywhere.

Cuso? Cuso?

Menu?

Cuso? What about Cuso?

I don't have that.

You don't have Cuso?

Okay.

Desu?

Can you ask him about Desu?

Okay, you stupid motherfucker.

You're really fucking rude, you know that?

You people are stupid.

Okay, you have to...

No, this is the monitor, the recording.

No, fuck you.

So I can, you know, link to the police station.

Yeah, masturbate to my voice.

Masturbate to it, yeah.

Okay, that was fun.

I'm going to have to try to remember those words.

Shit, I'm half tempted to call Japan now and quit on saying those words.

But they're so, like, polite and forgiving there.

It's hard to prank Japan.

The only success I've really had in Japan is pranking foreigners there.

Like the French guy that I pranked a few times in the Manhattan Hotel or something like that.

New York Hotel.

He's a chef.

French chef.

I feel like trying to make an order for

Cold Stone Creamery, which is really stupid

because how do you like, you can't make an order ahead

for like the ice cream that they mix

on the table and everything

they usually get thrown it back when I first say it

sometimes I'm like, okay, go ahead

I've had that like twice now, like, okay, go ahead

wait a minute, no, it'll take orders

huh

I forgot about this part of this, I haven't heard this album in a while

this is Monster Island Czars

hang on, here we go, listen

full blown so don't make me wait you seduce me nice what the fuck is that that's awesome

that is awesome all right fine done i don't think somewhere with the name health and the

name is going to be open right now kinder mission

apartments too late for that there's an ale house probably too loud 7-eleven

Let's see what kind of people live in this neighborhood.

Good evening, 7-Eleven. How do I help you?

Hey, yes, I'm calling from the corporate office.

My name is Tim. How are you, sir?

Okay.

Good. I need to do a customer survey, a weekly customer survey.

Do you have a customer you could put on the line

that you get to have a $30 gift certificate?

Hello?

Can I hold for 10 seconds?

Okay, thank you.

And call somebody else to intervene?

Okay.

There's almost like a call-waiting thing happening with VoxOx tonight.

It's really weird, because it doesn't have an incoming number, as far as I know.

As far as I know, it don't.

If it does, Booker Poo probably found it.

Hello?

Hey, boy.

Yes, do you want to hold a second, and I take care of these guys real quick?

Well, can you ask them if they want to do the survey?

Tell them they get $30 each.

Oh, so how do they get it?

They talk to me on the phone.

I ask them five questions, and they get $30.

Oh, $30?

Mm-hmm, $30.

Okay, let me ask them.

Okay.

Okay, one second.

Thank you.

He's talking up on me.

He asked them.

they're all like no man no i ain't gonna do that yeah did we get disconnected hello we get

disconnected we are busy now yeah i know yeah i'm doing the survey i'm calling to do a customer

survey 30 gift certificate whoever answers it no nobody likes to talk to you all customers

oh is uh bhenchod there three four so bhenchod bhenchod who bhenchod no no you know bhenchod

No.

Do you have sisters?

My friend.

How many sisters do you have?

My friend indeed.

It's always my friend, my friend.

When those types of people aren't getting their way, right?

I ain't gonna answer a third.

I ain't gonna answer a motherfucker.

the nazareth school that'll be closed basilica library closed

toyota dealership closed what time was it over there ate something i got nothing for him i got

nothing for him jack in the box now opolo loco all right how about a nonsense order to the subway

restaurant okay i wish brad were around arby he could get me some pizza customers i love those

kinds of calls man i'm sure dwight sent me numbers too we can do here in a little bit

my hair is on crack

hey how you doing mama hi i'm uh my name is cross how may i help you i want to make an order

her little girl little honey baby oh sensitive but i asked for it damn she's just straight up

saying fuck you fucked you man that's what she says precisely what she said i think i'm breaking

maybe like 20 minutes 20 minutes or so here i'm gonna hold that up all right mexican restaurant

not feeling it rite aid pharmacy uh all right i feel like asking about black people's hair creams

Or shaving powder

They have shaving powder now

It's in the ethnic side

The urban hair product

Does it make your hair fall off of your face?

Or does it just go on your face after you shave?

And why do only black people use it?

Hello, sir

I like the way you said, hmm

I had a question about it

Let's see if you had a certain product there

Okay, can you hold on one second, please?

Hold on

Why?

What is it you're looking for?

Yes, it's in the colored people section

Protection, the hair care, colored people hair care products.

Hold on a second.

I'm kind of tied up with the register at the moment.

Can you hold on?

Why would you come and ask me then?

Yeah, hold on again.

Fucker.

Yeah, sorry.

We're both at the registers right now when he called.

So what is the product?

I'll take a look, see if we have it.

It's Negro Shave Powder.

Oh, the shave powder.

It comes in like a little can.

For Negroes.

Does it come in a little can?

Yeah.

What's the specific name of it?

It's a gold can, paper kind of can.

A gold can?

Gold?

Okay, let me take a look.

Hold on.

Will you bring it with you so you can read something off to me while I masturbate?

Yeah, if we have it, I will.

Sure.

Hold on.

Okay, thanks.

Hello?

Hey, boy.

Yes, the only one we have is called Magic Shave Powder.

It's a 4.5 ounce.

All right.

Do you have it with you?

I have it.

Can you read the directions for me?

Because I threw my can out.

I used it all on my anus.

Let me see what it says here.

Read all caution statements below.

It says wait 36 hours after using any razor, shaving product, or, let's see,

do not use after perspiring, do not wash face before use,

do not use after prolonged sun exposure,

it says do not use with any aftershave product.

Huh, really?

It says only to be used to remove facial hair.

Oh, so what does it say?

That's all it says.

What does it say about my pubic hair, though?

Come on, man.

Come on, ma.

Let's see if I can get the check to answer.

Hello.

You've reached your right age.

Hello.

That was like my mother-in-law.

Ugh.

Are they one-not odds or no?

Oh, they said they were busy.

Leave them be.

Moving on.

Move along.

Basset Hound Rescue.

Would be fun during the day.

I gotta do a day show.

I mean, God.

I think Dialer said he's going to be coming back on the air on Monday.

Monday, Monday, Monday.

monday i'm gonna call a different 7-eleven see if i can get them to cooperate with the customer

survey i could feel it right in the grasp of my fingers that last call well the last 7-eleven

call we just did a few minutes ago hey how you doing boy yeah i need to do a customer survey

because i have customers is there where's the overseer at oh he's not here i can't give you

to phone him because he i called him he's not he's not he's not answering so it's just your

house it's just you house negroes running stuff today well this is a 7-eleven store you called

yeah yeah i'm busy so i i can't i can't i can't do no survey or nothing yeah i know but i have

i have to ask you have a nice day yeah fuck you he was not pleased with my house negro comment

nor would i be i would be upset if i were one which i'm not of course i'm not hit the road rv

Probably closed.

Okay, here is Hit the Road RV.

Hey, how you doing, Gary?

Gary?

Gary.

Gary with the RV place, right?

Right.

Oh, thank goodness.

When is your showroom open tomorrow?

I'm presuming you're about to close if you haven't closed yet tonight.

Yeah, you know, I would have to give you a call in the morning and let you know for sure about tomorrow.

Are you being an asshole or something?

No, I can't tell you right now what time someone's going to be there.

Why?

Is this like a fly-by-night place?

No, it's not, but I give most of the people the day off,

so I'm not sure if someone's going to be there.

Oh, because it's Black Monday, right?

Well, yeah, there you go.

Okay.

So you think maybe Tuesday I could come by?

I could, oh, for sure.

I'll give you a call in the morning.

Okay, can my wife come with me?

Of course.

Okay, and do we get to, like, see inside the model RVs or the RVs themselves,

see how they look inside sit at the console and all that for sure okay all right can i um like

like my wife gets worried about like high pressure sales um would you allow us to discuss it inside

the rv privately for a minute or two before we go back to the office you could dig all the time

you want okay all right i'm kind of a i'm kind of a sleep by you know you sleep on it if you like

oh okay yeah that's not me okay that's perfect well um so my wife can't make it but what i want

to do just to check how how like the layout is with someone else in there because it's going to

be me and her i have like a mannequin um can i bring that just to put it you know in the different

seats and take some pictures on the cell phone i can text her so she could see what it kind of

looks like oh yeah for sure okay um and then my mannequin is actually like a sex like a sex toy

doll um and i figure if i'm alone there i'm gonna want to fuck it you know yeah that's not a problem

can i fuck it everywhere like does the rv have a bathroom uh any place is it big enough for

fucking the bathroom do you think uh probably yeah okay good good what else is there nice

tight compartments in there oh yeah probably yeah awesome it's an awesome dude like you can

sleep in there you can fuck you fucked all in there sure man all right so we're calling back

the guy that does the bail bonds and his well let me change the caller id but yes i'm calling him

back yes hi if my friend just got picked up um how does it work exactly do i come like sign for

him with you or do you go down there and like get signatures uh i picked up and hopped and

scammies there yeah uh you know what he got charged with uh uh i guess it's going to be

a misdemeanor possession of marijuana because like he was the dog they had the dog walk around

the car and the car the dog started barking and um the way it works is the judge sets him a bond

um bonding companies charge 10 of whatever the bond is so if it's a thousand dollar bond we

We charge $100 plus there's a $25 file that would be in a $12 state tax that we have to charge per bond.

Jesus Christ, help me God.

So it's a $137 if it's a $1,000 bond.

Shit, really?

Yeah.

I mean, I don't know.

If it's just a simple possession, it may be just a $500 bond, which is $87.

But I have to wait until he gets booked in and see what the judge says on what his charge is.

He's a real motherfucker for this.

you know that i shouldn't help him out at all shit right and then the way that works is we

generally you know we have all bonding companies normally have anywhere between 100 to 2 000 people

on bond at about any given time that's hard for us to keep up with them so one you know liability

issues and all that so are they close we generally get somebody to co-sign the bond is the judge not

going to be is the judge not going to be setting bonds and all that tomorrow because martin luther

raccoon day oh no he actually just should say it's not fuck you know what it is when the jail

gets him in there they process him and then they send uh basically the charges that the officers

charge him with yeah they fax that to the judge's house and uh he looks over and faxes him back

tells him what to put the bomb at will they like fuck him tonight in there and stuff

Because I'm worried about that, you know?

Well, they fuck.

I'm sorry.

I mean, it does go on, but it's not all that common in county jail.

No.

But they could.

They could fuck up.

I mean, at least.

He's like a real pretty boy looking motherfucker, you know?

He's like.

So, uh, that's funny.

He's a real pretty boy.

He's a fucking, I think he's a faggot, but I don't know, motherfuckers.

I've heard of it happening.

Yeah?

I have, I mean, I...

Yeah.

So, what does he have to do, then?

Who does he have to masturbate, you know?

I don't know about who he's going to do all that to.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I don't know about Leroy or who, you know?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, the homies.

Listen, come on, seriously, what do I need to do?

Do I need to go down there and suck your dick or what to get the process started?

Well, you ain't going to touch me at all.

I can tell you that right now.

Well, listen, motherfucker, you.

I need to get this shit taken care of, motherfucker.

Well, I tell you, attitude like that, you're going to get.

All right, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

So what do I do?

I can fax you the payment.

No, that don't work.

All I do, how long ago was it when your buddy got picked up?

How long has it been?

Yeah.

Three hours?

Three hours, yeah.

He should be booked in by now.

Yeah, okay.

Have you heard anything from him?

Has he called you or anything?

Yeah, well, yeah, yeah, he did.

He said that there was a guy named Lysol who was masturbating and looking at him

and, like, mumbling, like, talking really softly.

Right, right.

Yeah, Lysol was his name.

You know, maybe Bubba would get ahold of him one time he was there.

Yeah, yeah, because he's a little shit.

You know, I would just leave it in there, you know.

He's a little shit.

Let him enjoy himself for a while.

Yeah, he's a little shithead.

Well, maybe he could go down and knock on the door and say,

how's that doing you?

Yeah, oh, yeah.

Or say, how's that doing you, you know.

Are you a big boy?

How big a boy are you?

I don't know.

How big a boy are you?

How big a boy am I?

Yeah.

I'm an adequate size, I guess.

You ought to be a good tussle between me and you then.

I doubt that.

Well, we'll find out, motherfucker.

Hey, anytime you feel proud, you're that little boy.

Yeah, I am.

I like to, like, do wrestling and get real close contact and smell each other's bodies, you know, and touch each other's genitals.

Yeah.

I take this shit seriously.

Well, I'm glad you're enjoying it.

at least you're having a good time with my prank to you thank you i called you earlier

i called you earlier you were really kind of like you jumped on my case really fast just because i

said like what do you answer like that you're like i ain't gonna do shit for you motherfucker

you said to me i was like damn like bill bonds guy serious i deal with pieces of shit on a daily

basis and when somebody calls me and they got an attitude problem i tend to get one back real

quick fast in a hurry there's a lot of bail bondsmen in town anyways like fuck you go to

to the next motherfucker kind of thing, right?

Oh, man.

Fuck them, right?

We deal with people on a daily basis

who have typically bad attitudes

and they call us

and they're demanding on what we're going to do.

Well, the thing is, you know,

it don't really work that way.

We choose who we want to get out of jail

and we choose who we want to put up with.

And you got a bad attitude,

we're probably going to leave you ass there.

Yeah, because then you think

if they're an asshole,

they're probably going to be a flight risk.

Fuck them anyway, right?

Well, if they bounce on bail, skip on bail,

you're going to be out the fucking money, motherfucker.

Fuck that motherfucker, right?

Yeah, you know, I mean, you can kind of tell who's kissing ass a little too much,

and you can kind of tell who's, you know, been in and out of the system

and just demanding and all that kind of stuff.

All that kind of stuff. Amen.

All right, well, thanks for letting me call you there, buddy.

You have a computer?

Yeah.

Can you want me to send you to my website for my show that I do?

Not really. What kind of show is it?

it's a comedy show a comedy radio show

i don't want to see some dicks or anything on there no no no i don't want to see no guy

groping another guy or anything no no no nothing like that at all it's funny when i hear about

these inmates up here getting it but you know no no nothing like that at all can i just give

you the site you go there now let me know if you get it out you said you was frank calling me how

How did you get my number?

You posted it on Swap Shop.

Oh, okay, yeah.

Yeah, tall.

I'm surprised you didn't figure that out.

Are you ready for the website or no?

Can you go there now or what's going on?

Yeah, go ahead.

It's the Glory Hole Show, so it's gloryholefoundation.com.

Oh, Lord.

Gloryhole what?

Foundation.com.

Yeah, that's the name of the show.

We're the Glory Hole Foundation, and we just do really rude and crass prank calls.

I think the website's down for the moment anyway

because we're poor

we don't have any support

I think it's fine what you told me from a Connecticut number earlier

and now a 43 number

alright

alright well hey

bookmark it and go to it like in a week

maybe it'll be back up

alright bye

that sucks that gloryhole

GHF is down and we can't do the calls

to gloryhole foundation

but hey I didn't make it

I don't know who was it Gordo

Gordo? Who made Gloryhole GHF?

Is it the Dashie thing? The Gordo thing? I don't know.

One of them cats.

Bring it back. Come on. Bring back

Gloryhole Foundation. What happened?

Is there a drama behind it? Was it flagged

somehow? Is that what happened?

It's funny.

In that case, it was funny to use it. Sometimes

it's hard to get them to go to it because of the name of it.

At least they had a

sense of humor in their lives.

That was nice.

Okay.

I think I'll take that break up and

been scrounging about for some time now when i come back there's a lot of dwight numbers i know

neon said that uh neon wanted to go on she wanted to go on dwight wants to join probably i know

dwight sent numbers he usually has a whole myriad of crazy stuff going on we can call more swap shop

or we can just fuck around but i got nothing i really got to do tomorrow so it's all good

let's just have fun i'll be back in about six seven minutes or so all right you guys all right

I'm going to try not to bring popcorn back with me because it's so rude.

I just keep eating popcorn.

I'm like...

I really got to get away from that.

Rude.

I'll be right back after this.

Thank you, folks.

I may help you.

Ma'am, my name is Summer and I got an emergency call from my office line.

Okay.

I'm sorry?

I guess somebody called from there and something about a violent call.

Yes, yes.

Who was the person that...

I'm sorry, first of all, is this your business?

Yes, ma'am.

This is your business?

This is my business.

And who is the person that's on the voicemail of your business?

I don't have any idea who you're talking about, ma'am.

Okay, but I'm asking you, when I called the number and I left a message,

there's a male's voice that's answering.

Is that one of your coworkers or associates?

That is actually the company that we go through our voicemail for.

We pay them to do the voicemail.

The gentleman who answered and said, this is this name and this is,

I mean, that gentleman is just of answering service?

It's an answering service, yes, ma'am.

It's actually a voicemail answering service.

I don't know.

Okay.

I don't know.

Hold on a second.

I understand.

You can tell me that you don't understand.

It doesn't matter.

It's out of my hands now.

I've already reported the phone number.

It's a investigate, and I was incorrect, and so be it.

But it was my responsibility to report the phone number that I received an extremely hostile call

from the mail that actually is the same voice that answered that number.

And it was a hostile call.

It came from two different phone numbers.

That was the first phone number that it came from, and he was extremely hostile.

I understand, and let me just tell you where I'm coming from so that way you know what it is,

and then we'll hang up, and then we can get past it.

I just got woken up knowing nothing that's going on.

Please do not yell at me, okay?

First off, I need you to...

Oh, I'm not. I'm not. I'm just...

No, you're yelling at me.

Okay, ma'am, I'm running a business myself here.

This is an emergency line, so I just want to let you know that the number was reported.

If it was done incorrectly, I apologize, but that is the phone number that I received a call from.

What kind of business do you run, ma'am?

I'm sorry, I said this is an emergency line, and that doesn't matter.

You and I can't spend a lot of time discussing back and forth.

All I can say is I received a hostile call, and I reported it, and that's all I did,

and that's my responsibility.

Now, I'm receiving a hostile call too, ma'am.

No, I didn't.

I just left a voicemail letting you guys know that I did that,

and I needed to let you know that I reported the phone number.

I don't know where the organization is.

I don't know what your business is.

I don't know any of that.

I just know that that's where I received the call from.

We run a strip club.

I was letting you know.

We run a strip club.

I'm sorry?

We run a strip club, and there's not hardly any people in here that are hostile

until they get really, really drunk.

It was a male voice.

It was the same male that answered your voicemail.

So if that's an answering service, it's a little weird that you're answering service,

the person who, it literally was the same voice.

That's very strange.

And I received, yeah, it is.

But the most strangest part is that I received the hostile call from somebody from this phone number.

And he was extremely hostile.

I mean extremely.

Very verbally abusive.

He cursed.

He called me a lot of names.

This is an emergency helpline.

I'm sorry?

What exactly did he say?

Ma'am, I don't talk like that, so I'm not going to say what he said.

Just breathe.

I need to know so I can write this down so I can get in touch with us.

He called me a mother effer.

He called me a B-word.

Don't use that word on me, ma'am.

How dare you?

I said abbreviate.

I did say mother effer.

Do not use those words with me, ma'am.

Okay, ma'am, I'm sorry, but I think you, I did not use it.

You're so wrong.

You could have said MF.

Bye-bye now, ma'am.

You could have said MF.

I think you're just going to call and report you now.

There's no reason.

Now I'm calling to report you.

I'm going to report you now that there's a female calling.

You're reporting me?

Yes, because you were doing the same thing.

Bye-bye now.

How dare you?

Bye-bye.

How dare you?

She didn't know that was a fake.

She didn't figure out until the very end.

That's funny now.

That's funny now, man.

That is funny now.

Oh, my God.

Dude, that lady.

She's like, I don't try to repeat those words.

I don't repeat.

She didn't know he's putting on a voice.

I didn't call her a mother-affer, did I?

Did I say that?

I probably did.

We'll catch you on the replay

I can replay it though

I definitely can

About 10 minutes ago

A guy tried to break in my truck

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com

Yes, it's a long-legged test-out

Puerto Rican

Madhouse Radio will be back right after this

This is the Kirby Vacuum Company

Hello?

This is Steve. Stephen?

Yes

Oh, hi. Well, I'm looking for Stephen

I'm calling from

from regarding the layaway that he placed today yeah all right hang on just a moment hang on just

a moment oh he is there okay yes hi this is cross i'm calling from you put a layaway today i did

all right yeah we were uh we had a problem here in the layaway uh center in the back of the store

uh there was there was some horse playing going on and a lot of the receipts got mixed up and

the computer isn't working right um so can you let me know what exactly did you put on layaway

way here because if not we're going to lose your deposit my deposit i don't think so well you can

you can help me out steven and be helpful well i'll tell you what you gave it don't don't say

i'm going to lose my deposit well obviously i have a i have a receipt i paid 50 bucks yeah well

that you're giving it back to me one way or the other that receipt won't count unless you tell

me what it is that you got you know i have to put it down the computer the new computer well i'll

tell you what it is but you know what you need to figure out what you're doing if you ain't doing

doing the right thing we're messing around well you don't tell well you don't tell somebody that

they paid 50 bucks and they're going to lose it if i don't tell you what i put on layaway

well i paid you 50 bucks i've received for it if you screw up i get my money back

well you may you may think differently but that's not the way it works well there has to be some

kind of i'm sorry sir i'm sorry i know you just i'll say i got a 32 inch led tv a pro scan you

you got a 32 inch led so you didn't have the cds and the construction paper nope i got a 32 inch

leds pro scan tv 250 some dollars and you put down a 50 deposit i put down a 50 cash deposit

all right well because of your attitude here i'm just gonna hang on let me see here because of the

problem we're having here the way you're treating me the way i'm treating you i'm changing i think

think the way you're treating me that's a 40 deposit now according to the new computer records

here let me get that okay well i'll go talk to the store manager then hey i'm gonna print your

receipt i have my own receipt so it doesn't matter i've i just voided it that's okay

i have my receipt hey don't curse to me or i'm gonna take out more money from your deposit

no you're not as a matter of fact you know what the tv were sold out of the tv we don't have any

more of them the

The TV's sold out.

Okay, well, I'll be in tomorrow to talk to your store manager.

The TV's sold out, sir, so I'm sorry since you didn't come pick it up

and pay it off in time that you lost your deposit.

I don't think so.

Well, if you look at the paper, it says there your initial deposit is not recoverable

if you don't pay for it before it's out of the store.

Today, I did it today.

How can I pay for it out of the store?

Sure. I got eight weeks to pick it up.

Not anymore because it ran out.

Well, we'll find out tomorrow.

Asshole.

Douchebag.

Stupid shit.

You're fucking ridiculous, man.

Put your wife on the line.

Are you serious?

Put your wife on the line because she might be a little nicer than your stupid asshole.

Son of a bitch.

Well, you remember what this guy's name was?

No, he didn't tell me what his name was.

Wow, you need to find a new job, buddy.

Why? I'm not going anywhere. I'm the supervisor.

Because you don't do very good at what you do.

I'm the layaway manager, okay?

Well, that's beside the point.

You don't treat customers like you do.

Why? Because you're so cheap and you can't put the TV, you can't buy it?

$250?

No, that's not the point. I don't want it.

What's your gross annual income? What's the matter?

More than yours, I guarantee it.

Obviously not, because I bought two TVs last year for Christmas.

So what?

I bought a 42-inch TV LCD plasma.

Well, I'm watching a 60-inch plasma right now. Is that what you got?

I'm watching a football game on Thursday night on a 50-inch plasma.

Then why are you buying a small TV?

I'm buying it for my motorhome.

It's just a motorhome TV is all that is.

Motorhomes, you know what?

It's not even going in my house.

Motorhomes are for meth heads and stupid, dumb rednecks named Steve.

Yeah, and you're one of them.

I'm a stupid redneck.

You know my name?

My name is Cross.

No, I don't.

Cross Lopez.

Do I sound like a redneck to you?

Oh, yeah.

You know what, I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trap door at the bottom.

So when you die, you open that trap door at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

All right, I'm back, everybody.

Thanks for hanging in during the break.

break but it felt like it went by so fast

time distortion

well as you knew already I'm Carlito

hosting Madhouse Live Radio

for lack of a better word term for it

word term

that's a legit word

the website is

madhouselive.com

subscribe to the podcast there

would appreciate it

also

prankcallnation.com has the

prank call nation podcast

definitely check that out

yeah

alright let's see what we got here number wise

from Dwight see if he sent anything yet

Dwight are you there

hey

have you sent numbers I wasn't looking at your

thing yet oh yeah I sent a bunch

cool cool just you know facebookers and uh some craigslist shit along with uh some 7-elevens and

sounds good it's gonna take me a second to copy paste this so help me out here i'm trying i'm

i haven't listened to it back yet your show last night i gotta turn the music off i haven't listened

back to it yet and i haven't uploaded it yet my bad i was busy today but who do you know when i

said that's prank master do you know where did you get that number from was that a craigslist

ad you replied to what the fuck were we calling about um more than likely was craigslist or no

wait i don't think i did any craigslist i think i did like three numbers for craigslist so i had

had to be a facebooker it was a facebooker okay but uh he was weird as shit yeah that guy was

weird as shit dude mr uh mr clay was like that's that's him that's prank master i was pretty sure

i was pretty i'm definitely positive with someone trolling you oh yeah it would probably

have to be pretty difficult because i just random times throughout the day because dashy's tool

will only show you like the facebookers from the past hour yeah and just periodically throughout

out the day i would go and just grab some facebookers so it'd be pretty hard to you

know be throwing that number up there and being able to troll us yeah unless they were spamming

it but i'm sure when they spam on my norm like i see this it shows the same little thumbnail i

just blow right by them yeah crazy huh i wonder how yeah i don't know maybe not maybe there's

another person out there who likes goofing on the phone oh he was uh oh he was the couch guy

oh the free trampoline okay um i just saw that one let me go try to get that number

we can test it out in the meantime i'm gonna call and see if i can get them to flip them breakers

bonzo speaking how can i help you hi my name is adam erlander i'm calling from the corporate

office we need you to do a quick reset of the breakers please a quick what sorry reset of the

power breaker oh um all right um is there a reason for that uh yeah we haven't received uh

any of your data yet so what that'll do is actually reset the internet connection

and we'll re-establish data but everything is going to stay on there's a battery backup system

um for the data connection there and there's a generator that'll kick on automatically

so we just kind of need to get this reset real quick okay um is it all right if i hang up and

do it um well i mean do you is this a cordless phone or is there a phone there sorry is there

a cordless phone this is a cordless phone yes all right can you take it there please i need to tell

you make sure you specifically you're doing the right one i'm sorry it's just for liability okay

all right all right let me know when you're there i appreciate it all right give me just a second

and which one am i looking for um uh well we're just going to do them all i just can you tell

Tell me what you're looking at.

You should see the main panel, the breaker panel there.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, let's see.

Just keep going.

Even the pumps, the dispensers, the turbines, that stuff too?

Yeah, you need to switch that off,

but they stay on because the generator kicks in within less than a second.

The back of the generator kicks in.

All right.

Okay, give me just a second then.

Just let me know as you're doing it.

So just, you know, I'm sorry?

Just go ahead and let me know when you start and when you finish,

and then we'll have you go on.

Okay, well, I'm starting now.

Okay.

Should I turn them all off and then all on, or should I turn them on and off one at a time?

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I should have explained this better.

Just go down turning them all off, and when you're done, tell me,

and then I'm going to have you go back and reverse and turn them all back on.

Okay.

Well, the pumps are turning off, and they're not turning back on.

Well, just keep going down.

The quicker we do this, the quicker it'll be done.

All righty.

That's in the fire now.

This is going to start messing with...

The telephone, the telephony.

Yep, it is.

Da-da-da-da!

Hey!

Nice job.

Still the Breaker King guy.

What's up?

What's up, Neon?

Hi.

What's up, Dwight?

Hey!

At the top there, that Alex, that's the one we called last night about the trampoline.

All right, let's ask.

Let's get to see if that's Dana Hood.

Crackmasters.

I still haven't copied any of your numbers.

God, I'm stupid.

Oh, hey, Carlito.

I put some numbers that Dwight gave me last night, but I just didn't get to.

Do you want to use them?

Thank you.

Awesome.

How long did you go on last night, Nia?

I honestly don't remember what time it was.

I think it was like a two-hour show or something.

But like five minutes of pranks.

All right, so this is the number.

Here we go.

Free giant trampoline from last night.

You guys especially sounded like our old pal, Prankmaster.

Prankmaster.

I'm going to be a cat.

This is Alex Becker with Sitters, etc.

et cetera i'm either on the other weird nope damn it'll be a mystery forever

all right rick ricky lee plunkett that's a name plunkett does that make you think about

she's an angry motherfucker too yeah nia does it make you think about shitting plunkett plunkett

no it reminds me of that movie with daryl hannah um high spirits did you ever see that movie no

No. Is it like Pocahontas?

No, they're like ghosts. They're like haunting

and they're like Irish ghosts or something and their last name

was Plunkett. Like Ghost?

No, it's a comedy. It has Steve Guttenberg in it.

Oh, like Beetlejuice?

Okay. Beetlejuice. Steve Guttenberg was in there, right?

He played Beetlejuice.

I was like, who are you?

Alright, so

we get the Plunketts and what's their deal, Dwight?

What do we got here, buddy?

Oh, if you click on his Facebook and look at his picture,

that's what got him on the list

because he looks like a real fucking douchebag.

Okay.

and uh basically it was he was like uh you know he wants somebody to come fucking party and shit

and i told him i'd bring him a six-pack of beer and some weed we'd get fucking drunk and high and

then i'd suck his dick and uh he didn't like that too much he said uh it was against his religion

so that was the only thing hold them oh he deleted his facebook uh that was the only that was the

only thing hold them back apparently wow okay that's a reaction all right let's see hey ricky

Hey, what's going on?

Oh, it's Cross.

Are you good?

Are you all right?

Who's this?

Cross.

Who's Cross?

Cross.

Friend of yours, Cross.

From where?

I knew you from Forest Park High back in the day.

Huh?

We knew each other from Forest Park High.

Don't ring the bell, dude.

Well, they call me Cross.

Everyone calls me Cross.

Cross.

Okay.

What's your real name?

Eddie.

Eddie Cross.

Eddie.

Yeah.

And you pull up too, dude.

Well, I saw you posted on Facebook that you felt you were depressed and everything.

I thought maybe I'd give you a sensual massage, a body massage.

Shit.

Uh-oh.

He's like, it's another one of them faggots.

You said you did this call, right?

Yesterday?

Last night?

Yeah, I called him last night.

I don't do none of that faggot shit.

Talk to him, see if he's recognizing you.

of you it's coming together he said if i showed up over there he's gonna fuck me up and shit

okay michael mounser

new york that's all we got oh he's in a hotel

fancy hotel

Good evening, Hudson.

Yes, hello.

I need to speak to a guest there by the name of Monser.

Hello?

What the fuck was that about?

Well, that's customer service at its best.

Holy shit.

He slammed that shit with anger, like, bang.

Good evening, Hudson.

Hello.

Yes, I need to speak to a guest there, please, sir.

I can hear you now.

Your phone cut out, so I could not hear you at all.

You slammed the door down pretty hard.

Michael Monser.

What is the last name?

Monser.

Without the attitude, please.

I don't have attitude.

I'm trying to assist you, but your phone cut out.

It's cutting out on several people.

You have homosexual New York attitude.

Well, you know what?

Would you like for someone else to help you?

Because that is not necessary.

Just call me that.

Is there a straight man I can talk to?

It's terrible.

Sorry, guys.

We love our gay listeners.

L-B-G-L-G-B-T-E.

I think there's like 8-10 letters to that

now

I know it's like LGBTQ

LGBTQ

RSV

17

Brought to you by Yahoo

Okay

I think enough time has passed

One of you is going to have to try though

Just the Mouncer guy

Yes, correct

Yes, I'd like to speak to a guest please

The last name is Mouncer

Spell that please

Oh, yes.

Sorry.

Excuse me.

I have a terrible connection here.

Yeah, it's breaking up.

The last name is Mouncer.

Let me get the paper really quick.

Okay.

No, I don't seem to have that in front of me.

Maybe I should just take it by sound.

M-O-U-N-S-E-R.

M?

This is horrible.

The connection's bad.

M-O-U-N-C-E-R.

All right.

Hold on one second.

Thank you.

You got it.

Connecting now.

Thank you.

please leave your name and a message you may start your message now oh he ain't there he's

ignoring it or he's busy let me put a double star next to that maybe i'll call him back

like i remember all right richard just checked in at the disney's grand california hotel and spa

oh i've been there yeah it's a little overrated potential massages there oh maybe a little bit

But a Mimi action.

Calling the Walt Disney Travel Company.

Our office is currently closed, but you can visit our website, Disneyland.com,

or please call us again during regular office hours, Sunday through Saturday,

from 7 a.m. to 8 p.m. Pacific.

We need a more direct number for that particular resort.

I was offered a job in that department at Disney, I remember.

Really?

Well, it was too far.

Like, Disney, where I lived in Orlando, was still, like, maybe 40 minutes away.

i lived in east orlando so i had to cut through town and then take i-4 problem is most of the

way there was either really bad traffic because of all the tourists they all come from orlando

or from south of orlando so traffic in the attractions area is really bad that's why

uh you can get there without sitting in traffic but you pay like 250 in tolls well so for what

they pay it's not worth it excuse me but the one benefit would have been five i think like five

free passes every six months i think wow i used to buy them for 30 bucks i used to um

know someone who had a contact he would get them and just yeah it would always say a different

name on it it was so weird but 30 bucks and i could go to all four disney parks it was just

awesome we just now you could just take the you could just jump on they had the whole

bus system that takes you from one park to the other so we could start out at epcot go to animal

kingdom and finish it you know mgm if we wanted to that's crazy yeah now here you can just get

Pennsylvania, an Energy Star-awarded property, and the world's most popular hotel.

We're conveniently located at 401-

This is where the Hope Conference is.

33rd Street, directly across from Penn Station and Madison Square Garden.

If you are calling about booking reservations-

It almost got closed a few years ago.

You may choose to access our website at www-

Doesn't Matt and Zach, don't they always call a Lenox Hotel somewhere?

I'm sorry, I did not hear your selection.

Oh, I'm not sure.

Do you hear your selection now?

I don't know my selection.

Matt, what do you say?

All right, that seems like a lot of work, Dwight.

just not feeling it they're pissing me off

edna lost an iphone or lost a phone and she posted her new number and uh you know she's a

looker right well with that type of name she's got to be sexy it has to be sexy that was sexy

like when that song pennsylvania six five thousand we just heard when that was big

that was a sexy name edna back then she was a looker back in the warrants she was a flapper

Edna? Edna?

Uh huh? Hey you have a new phone

You have a new phone?

What happened to your other phone?

Who is this? Oh it's Eddie

It's Ed

I don't know Eddie

Oh well you told me to text you back at this

Or call you back at this number

You got a new number I'm giving you a call back

Oh I don't know you

Um are you sure? Like we're friends

Eddie? We're friends

No I don't know you

We knew each other

you know you don't remember me we went to southern university together

no i didn't go to southern yeah you did we went there together hello and she's boring

fucking me up fucking up my flow her profile picture on facebook is really disconcerting

it's like a sideways picture you know what i'm saying like when you don't turn the phone the

right way of some dude whatever can one of you check on the youtube channel see if that if you

can hear me talking can you check to see if that's working i'm not 100 sure thank you for

letting me know you shouldn't hear music you should just hear me talking in the phone bruce

is a 90 has a 91 chevy swb extended cab hello hey how you doing there hoss

All right, how you doing?

All right, motherfucker.

I see you got a 91 Chevy motherfucking thing here for sale.

I'm okay, yeah.

Yeah?

Is the AC working in that motherfucker?

Oh, yeah, I wouldn't have one if the AC isn't working.

Yeah, right?

Piece of shit, that fucking AC goes out.

You might as well fucking foreign and fucking river.

I burned two of my cars and took the insurance money because the AC stopped working on it.

Oh, okay.

That's the only reason why.

Yeah.

Yeah. Uh, when, when did you have the AC less serviced and recharged?

Uh, I haven't had it charged. It could use a little bit of Freon right now, but I mean, I ain't had nothing done to it.

I just, I just tried it, or bought it not too long ago.

Is it the factory one still on that, the factory compressor and all that shit, motherfucker?

I can't really actually, uh, tell you if it's the factory one or not, cause I don't know, but I do know the original owner of it.

Oh, I, I know a way you can find out if you look at it.

Well, I'm not really all that worried about it, but how are you going to tell if I'm looking at it?

I can tell you where the code is.

It's right on top of it.

You can see it by just opening the trunk, the hood, the hood.

Oh, well.

Please.

It's dark out there right now.

Come on.

I'll suck your dick if you do it.

Well, that's just too fucking bad, buddy.

Oh, come on.

No.

You don't want to play?

I don't want to play.

We can fuck in the car, in the trunk, huh?

Yeah, you can fuck your bitch boyfriend, okay?

He's right here.

Hey, Dwight.

sorry you said something there uh but uh that's fine when i disconnected to hear the audio

all right yeah disconnect to hear the audio there's no audio on youtube uh but then when

we tried to come back in it was showing you as connecting so me and neon are starting to talk

and then all of a sudden boop there you were it's just some shit some shit done happened

so neon what's the status on youtube no sound damn that pisses me off let me see what

Okay.

Is it open still?

Yeah.

Okay.

So, see if I can get it so you can either hear ringing.

The minute you hear either ringing or talking on there, let me know.

Just keep it playing, okay?

Okay, but I'm in live time with you, so I'll have to hang up.

No, no.

You can stay live.

You hear an echo for like 10 seconds or something.

Okay.

You understand?

I think so.

If I do this, video trouble, no.

No video trouble.

Auto HD, no.

And I got Lion In.

That should be Lion In.

I don't understand why.

Give me a second, I have an idea

Just a minute

Here's the last name Ricketts

DD call me, text me, FaceTime me, prank call me, anything

I'm bored

Dwight, you wanna do Shantay?

Hey, let me talk to that bitch

Ooh, she looks like you're a little young

Keep it PG then

Give her the Dwight meat

Nope, not going to

I don't do crazy bitches

Hey Shantay, it's Dwight

Dwight from?

From the hood

Yeah, I'm just fucking with you, what are you doing?

one i thought i'm friends with uh emmanuel emmanuel yeah i call him e you call him e i call

him e i don't know what you call him but i call him e emmanuel emmanuel i don't know any emmanuel

yeah adams last name's adams oh sean yeah i call him e oh wait how you got my number i got it from

him sean gave you my number yeah he's sitting there telling me you're uh you're 18 you sound

little young though i am you have you am what i am young how young's i'm 15 what the fuck you're

doing on my phone you called me don't raise your fucking voice to me excuse

me you don't raise your

fucking voice to me hey listen bitch we don't do that around here you have you have what hang up

the phone bitch and you got a dick that makes no fucking sense no because i'll go to jail if i see

your underage dick he said to call this bitch she does all the dick suckings but you're underage

yeah so he told me he said you suck all kinds of dick but you're too you're too young you're still

an amateur you're not on the professional level yet never was i fucking dicks your mom does though

though. That's how she made you. They came

in her mouth. That's why you...

Let me talk to your father if you know who he is.

Um, I don't know who

my father is. Let me talk to him.

We can tell. He's not

here currently. Let me talk

to your mother's, if you know who she is.

She's asleep, bitch. Do you know

who your mother is? Wake her up. I'm gonna

tell her about the dick-sucking activities you've been

doing at night while she's sleeping.

I'm gonna tell her about your dad giving you the bed

touch. Hey, honey, do you have to

to um finish your homework you don't go to school surely i do what are you doing what kind of

homework do you have i have homework right now do you uh if you if you never have homework then

you must be really in stupid classes no are you in those like like remedial classes like are you

able to actually read no she goes to one in advanced classes i take college what's what

kind of advanced are you in um ap classes or honors classes yes oh wow she goes to one of

of those schools where they have the daycares for her like three children's no your mom does though

oh are you studying um honors english i take honors in every fucking thing no it doesn't

honestly it doesn't sound like it uh-huh uh-huh yeah no because if you actually took honors

courses you would be busy every fucking moment of the day wow no i don't need to be busy every

every hour of the day yeah because if you're not busy then you're gonna get into trouble and that's

exactly what you're in right now i'm in trouble yeah you're in trouble do you take that phone

take that advanced cock sucking over there no do you no don't worry about what i don't worry about

what i do we're worried about you why are you on the phone why are you on the phone no i don't need

to explain myself to you honey i'm an adult you as a child should be seen and not heard do you

understand you are a deviant of society and what are you like i said don't worry about me i've

I've got many years upon you, honey.

Don't worry about me.

We should be worried about you.

Why do we need to worry about me?

Because you're a shithole.

You're a fucking shithole.

You're so immature.

You're an idiot.

And you should just fucking die.

You're boring.

I don't know.

Are you fearless?

Do you think that you're fearless?

Listen to me.

You sound really stupid.

No, I don't have to listen to you.

I don't have to listen to anything that you say.

You're an idiot.

And you'll probably always be one.

look at the way that you talk to people i got a guy named george that wants to give you some

good rubbing but we're gonna leave him to himself for right now see honey you're listening to what

i'm saying because i own you i own your ass no and if you and if i don't then you would just hang

up the phone definitely won't hang up the phone oh okay cool stay on with us i got time cool yeah

because you're not going to do anything with your life that's why we're going to glory hole your

your ears yep hi hello hello what is she doing she's fapping on the phone yes she is you guys

i don't see i don't know what would have been worst way to to sit there and try to sex up an

underage girl just to tell her to end it right right which one's worse all right so kevin

No, wasn't there someone I wanted to call back?

I had a double story here.

The hotel dickhead?

Mouser.

Hudson.

White.

Try it.

Hello.

Hey, Hudson.

How are you?

How are you doing there?

I need to be transferred to a room there, sugar tits.

Excuse me?

Yeah, I need to be transferred to my brother's room.

Your brother's name or room number, please?

Yeah, it's Mouser.

Could you spell that, please?

M-O-U-N-C-E-R.

Just a moment.

Just like it fucking sounds.

See you later.

Please leave your name and a message.

you may start your message now

motherfucker

alright see if he picks up again

tell him he didn't do his fucking job right

yes

ok then I do what Neon says

that's right

I'll remind you of back in the day Carlito

when that movie Fury came out

you gotta go get that sound clip

where that guy yells machine

yeah is it out yet on video

it comes out tomorrow

or Tuesday

get some audio off of that

no doubt

alright we're ready

to shunt off

here's

Kevin who's got

some pitbull pups

for sale

10 weeks old

did I call them already

I think I already

talked to them once

no I don't think so

maybe not

but you do it

Dwight cause I'm still

troubleshooting this

YouTube issue

and you don't

thank you for

all right

get the fucking

puppies

the puppies

the fucking

sweater puppies

make some pups

hello

hey Kevin

yes sir

hey what do you say

the rubber dick uh we're calling about the puppies yes you still got them yes all right uh how many

you got because i'm trying to get two i've got i've got three boys left okay they don't look

alike do they i want two that don't look alike so i can tell them all parts no i've got uh one

that's chocolate i've got one that's uh red and one is black okay well uh i'll take the one that's

red uh we're gonna probably have to come to a negotiation what type of price are you asking

asking for them? Well, the red one, I'm going to have to have two out of him. I've had my

prices at $300, and I've dropped my price. The red one, I have to have two out of him

and $150 out of each other one. Okay, well, I'll take the red one, and are you going to

come down on half on either of the other ones? Because being chocolate and black, I don't

pay full price for minorities. No, I'm not doing that, no. I've come down from $300.

I'm trying to get $200, and you're being a fucking asshole over here. I've come from

From $300 down to $150.

I've already cut my price in half.

I don't give a fuck.

This is a consumer's market.

It don't matter.

I don't care either.

Listen, motherfucker.

You either give me them dogs at a reasonable price,

or I'll just help myself later on when you go to sleep.

You go try ahead, buddy.

I've got one waiting on you.

I'm like a fucking ninja and shit.

I got a glass cutter.

I'll just let myself in.

I hope you do.

I'm going to fucking, I'm going to take the dogs,

and then I'm going to report you as a breeder without papers.

Oh, are you?

Yeah.

I was only going to take two

but being an asshole I might take all three

just to prove a point

tell him to bring the law to him

where's milkman

I don't know

can't get to my phone right now

leave me a message

I do find it funny at the beginning

he paid no attention to me calling him rubber dick

ok rubber dick

he just glossed right over that

you're listening to

madhouse live

Lifeline, I'm the largest prank call station in the nation.

Prank call nation.

Well, that was unexpected.

I didn't even know how that happened.

You should have blasted that at his voicemail.

I don't even know how that happened.

That's funny.

Whoops.

A little bit of Butterfingers there.

Yeah, I'm probably going to be ending the show pretty soon.

I don't think I can stay on this longer.

Aww.

What do you think?

I did two shows a week now.

I'm like Dwight.

Well, he's doing three.

I thought

it was going on a break

and G-Odd will be back

yeah I'm done

I'm done after this week

you're done

you quit

yeah

I'm gonna go on a break

oh

don't go

how long

are you ready

you can take

I can

it's

it's tough

three shows a week

for three weeks

yeah

that includes editing

all your shit

and preparing

either that

or just cut it down

to one show a week

for a couple weeks

yeah yeah yeah dwight but you say that and then you get on all the shows and then you get all tired

well it's not as strenuous to go on the other people's shows it's when you're doing your own

show is when it fucking wears on you yeah i know that it's kind of stressful man yeah i agree this

is fucking stressful it is fucking stressful it's hard to pay attention what's going on

um going back to the list paulo polonia polonia all right it's got a seat

four month old puppy

C-I-C-I-C

went missing

C-I-C-I-C

that's literally what it says on the ad

me and my boyfriend's four month old puppy

C-I-C-I-C

went missing

hello

yeah you have a

C-I-C-I-I

yeah you have a dog

that's missing

Hello?

You have a dog that's missing?

Hello?

You have a dog that's missing?

I have no idea what's going on now.

I don't know.

I've been having audio problems for a few days now.

It's not good.

What can you do?

That's why this is the last prank of the night.

Yay!

No!

Yeah, it is.

I'm tired.

I should have an appointment tomorrow.

I have a morning appointment tomorrow.

I've got to go to sleep.

Azteca Rentals.

I wonder if they're Mexican.

I'm done.

No way, man.

Yeah, this way.

Please leave your message for...

I am done.

Maybe Dwight will do an after show.

He's going to say, nope, no.

Dwight left.

He's gone.

I'm just filling in.

What about you, Neon?

You do an after show.

No.

You got to go at least another half an hour.

No, I'm tired.

No, seriously, I've been on for almost three hours.

That's long enough for me.

I'm done.

Well, good night to you, Dwight and Neon.

Thanks for joining me tonight.

Good night.

Recycle those dumpers.

Goodbye.

Seriously.

Stop feeling them right now.

There's other stuff I want to do.

Like eat leftover Chinese food.

Oh, okay.

Anyway, catch you here next week.

Shine on you crazy diamonds.

Little monkey.

Excuse me?

Calls (27, 1 h 32 min of 2 h 15 min)

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