Madhouse Radio – 1/25/2015 Show - Madhouse Live Search

I was listening to another radio station, as we broadcasters sometimes do.

What I heard shocked and saddened me.

I heard a broadcaster, who will go unnamed, use the word penis on the air.

And in the morning, not just once, but twice, he said that word twice.

Now, as a broadcaster, freedom of speech is my bread and butter,

but I'm also a big fan of a little thing called decency,

the meat in the broadcasting sandwich.

sandwich. I am personally outraged by the shock tactics our competitors are using in pursuit of

the almighty ratings. Freedom of speech is one thing. The word penis is another. I'm Bill McNeil

with the McNeil Perspective.

We do it now, we do it later. Later ain't gonna be no use. Am I right, Al?

Wait, wait, wait a minute, Frank.

Got a lot of angry guys in there. Black Muslims, Panthers, Young Lords.

Besides you, the average antisocial.

So we gotta go in, right? Clean the clocks.

Gentlemen!

How you doing, guys? Whoa, way too loud.

Good evening, everybody. I am here, the host of the show, Carlito, for Madhouse Radio.

Thank you, everyone who's joining me tonight.

Ah, I don't know what I'm doing.

Yes, I do.

I'm an expert at this.

listen if you want to join us in the chat room you can do so head over to prank call nation.com

slash chat and have a look there see if that works for you no seriously that should hook you up with

our chat room uh also while you're there be sure to check out the rest of our offerings including

our podcast the prank call nation podcast is there it's updated just about every day

as often as i can because i'm doing it myself floss um if you're interested in sending requests

you can do so probably by getting a hold of some of the other hosts and stuff the whoever's in the

chat room probably filter it over to me if you send it direct to me i probably might not be able

to get to it i'll do my best but i'm not very confident sorry about that um and i have nothing

nothing specifically really scheduled for today we'll just see how things go right yeah um they

didn't have a few ideas but as i usually do let's go ahead and start with the good old people from

the swap shop let's see what's for sale i got a 5000 btu air conditioner for 50 bucks holy shit

here we go with that let's see what happens we'll just see how things go right yeah someone has an

I didn't have a few ideas.

Hello?

Yeah, how you doing?

Good.

So you have an air conditioner for sale?

Yes, I do.

Yeah?

How big a boy is it?

I'll bet you in 65, I'll bet you.

Oh, who's the man who's in charge of this?

Oh, he's sitting right here.

Can you put it on?

I don't know.

I don't want to deal with it.

You say he's in charge.

I don't want to deal with a woman.

Oh, you're pretty stupid, huh?

I'm just saying it.

Okay.

Hey, boy, how you doing?

What are you doing?

What?

You breaking it?

it oh i'm here i'm here i'm here uh what am i gonna do yeah oh i'm gonna buy that air conditioner

from you uh the 5000 btu motherfucker that's good for you yeah yeah um how many spaces does it take

two feet of spaces all right um did it is it new come on no not like that we had a thing going on

we had a thing hello listen we had a thing going on sir why'd you hang up come on don't do that

are these are these brand new or were they actually used are they being refurbished

well actually they're brand new refurbished that doesn't make any sense what do you mean

like they're they're refurbished and are new like haven't been used since they're refurbished

yeah they're newly refurbished newly refurbished okay all right sounds good all right um how long

how old are they like before refurbishment how long were they in production uh let me see let

me go here and i'll look at the serial code on it thanks buddy uh 1980. this is 1980. oh those

are some old huh what's this what's the seer reading on those sons of then

somewhere sitting running my balls that eyes hanging off of them is it 14 14 yeah

Oh, that's a piece of shit.

Did you pork your old lady on top of those?

The lady I was just talking to?

Actually, I did.

And my sister, too.

Did you pork your sister?

Yeah.

Oh, your sister-father?

Yeah.

Yeah, can you tell me about it?

Will I masturbate?

Can you tell me about it?

Will I masturbate?

What's your sister look like?

I don't have one.

Oh, okay.

How about your neighbor?

Well, they're Indians.

I don't like to say anything about anyone's mom.

I think my neighbors are, like, Al-Qaeda or something.

Oh, okay.

I don't trust them.

And downstairs, there's just a man that smokes a lot of pot,

and his daughter's pretty hot, but she's got a man and two babies.

Her pussy's probably all stretched out, man.

Okay.

Yeah, but she's only, like, 21 or 22, but she's been fucking.

Oh, I'm like a fool, so I don't think that'd be so.

yeah you know one of the times she got pregnant she was living with her dad with the guy isn't

that weird she was fucking and her dad's probably when they were together in the same place or she

was she was getting it getting it in right yeah that's fucked up all right yeah did your sister

ever get it in while you're in like next in the room next door uh yeah yeah all the time can i

talk to her sure hold on all right hey did you ever get it in while your brother was in the house

like next in the next room oh you're a man hey you're a man though okay

oh you're right next having a good old time tonight aren't you well i'm glad i'm glad to

make you happy oh i we're actually we're from kentucky yeah oh was it a hillbilly yeah yeah

Yeah, all right.

Hey, but the air conditioners work good.

They really do.

All right, can I make a deal?

You want to meet at Walmart and talk about them or exchange money or I go to your place?

Sure, sure.

I'll tell you what.

I'll give you an address.

You can send me the money and then I'll meet you at Walmart.

No.

Then you'll keep the money.

You won't give me air conditioner.

No.

It is funny.

funny it is it is indeed it's so funny i love it i love this i love you

i hear you man yeah it's funny i enjoyed it i did i had a chuckle i had a good old time laughing

with you and talking about the air conditioner and your sister your hot sister is your sister

hot is she blonde or what is she she is man i mean you know for 400 pound woman she's pretty

damn huh oh wow yeah yeah you sure are a hillbilly huh i mean you rumors are true you

the sister and everything you know we get another caller do you play guitar i think

might be my other sister hold on do you play the guitar i'm here don't hang up i'm here still

well wasn't that fun wasn't that a nice conversation i wouldn't call it a prank call

necessarily maybe it wasn't funny funny funny it's not the bread and butter of my show but

definitely was funny um see what we got here i don't know about that one now uh we got a 2008

an 8 Pontiac Grand Prix.

Alright.

I copied when I meant to paste.

I'm so stupid.

Alright, if this doesn't answer, we got

someone looking for a pump. No.

A pump or automatic shotgun.

Fuck a pump shotgun.

Close to shit.

No.

Try again.

This guy, I think I

Alright, looking at this email, I think I talked to him last week.

I think I recall this long, silly email address.

Hello?

Hey, you looking for a pump shotgun?

Hello?

Yeah, you looking for a shotgun, sir?

Whatever, I did talk to that guy last week.

That's why he doesn't want to talk to me.

He recalls.

Remember that guy.

Pump shotgun.

You can't do shit with that.

What are you going to do?

Shoot pellets?

Shoot salt.

All right, we got a Frigimator.

Older but works well for $250.

Yeah.

Truth hurts less as much as fucking with live will.

I prove skill with weed.

Play to rise in them seeds.

Get them flows to still.

Hello?

Yeah.

Hey, how long did you pick up the phone?

I didn't know you were there, buddy.

Thank you.

You're right there?

Not long.

Not long?

Hey, what?

Hey, Cody.

How you been, man?

Hey, King.

Good morning.

How about yourself?

I'm good.

How's the old lady?

Eh, same old same.

Still got a nice big ass on her?

Keep talking a little bit.

Okay.

I see you got a refrigerator for sale.

Keep going.

I've almost got your voice.

What?

I said keep talking.

I'm trying to recognize your voice.

Oh, you've got a refrigerator, side-by-side refrigerator with an ice maker, water dispenser?

Yeah.

Yeah?

How old is that motherfucker?

Okay, so you got it off Craig's list.

Now we're getting a little bit warmer.

How old is that motherfucker?

What?

What do you mean keep talking, keep talking?

Are you trying to, like, trace me or ensnare me or something?

If you're a cop, you have to tell me, or if not, it's entrapment.

I just, I recognize your voice, really.

Somewhere. I just can't picture where it is.

Okay.

It sounds very northern.

Okay, sure.

Yeah?

So, can I buy the refrigerator, or are you stupid?

Whatever, dude.

I don't know what that guy's angle was, man.

Hey, sorry I'm running around to answer my phone right now.

Yeah, I'm sorry too, man.

He just picked up her number.

uh dwight will be sending me numbers momentarily if you haven't started already

want to remind everyone who's listening um but not watching the video feed you can do so if you

head on over to my youtube channel the quickest way probably is just to go to my site which is

the madhouse live.com site and while you're there don't forget you can also go ahead and subscribe

to my podcast you can download previous episodes uh prank calls are there also also subscribe to

the youtube channel there's two of them there's a madhouse classics site or channel rather which

has all of my older prank calls and then there is the madhouse radio the traditional youtube site

that's madhouse radio on youtube as opposed to madhouse classics madhouse radio on youtube

which is where you can watch the live feed of me doing the show and you can also

listen to a video version if for some reason you want to really hear a video version on youtube

it's really just an extension to try to get us more listeners all together i don't see any reason

why if you just listen to it you watch the video because you don't watch me doing the video the

video version it's just horses uh why am i bringing that up i don't know i just want you

guys to go to madhouse live.com i guess that's what i'm trying to say thank you um let's go

go ahead and do the next call we'll stick here to the current premise for a little bit longer

and see how long we can take at least one more call which is swap shop uh this guy here has

two factory ford mufflers muffler with header pipes installed ready to bolt on yeah okay let's

do it hey how you doing boy hey boy how you doing hey how you been pretty good yeah good good you

You still got them fucking mufflers?

You still got the fucking mufflers?

The Ford mufflers?

Yeah, the fucking Ford muffler.

Yo.

Yeah, I still have them.

You still got those motherfuckers, huh?

Good, good.

Uh-huh.

Good.

What can you tell me about them?

How'd you get your hands on those motherfuckers?

I had a Mustang, a 94 Mustang.

Yeah?

And I took them off and put a set of hose on it.

Oh, yeah.

You got some turbo motherfuckers on it?

Yeah.

How many spaces do they get?

He's tired of the cursing.

He's like, fuck you.

You ain't going to curse on me like that, motherfucker.

I ain't selling you shit.

All right, I started calling back.

I give him a 32% chance of picking back up.

That's slightly less than the third chance.

One in three.

Let's see.

Hey, what happened?

I lost you there.

Was it the cursing?

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

That's just how I talk sometimes, but I'm sorry, buddy.

That's okay.

What you got for me then, friend?

friend, how much you offering for those shits? $30 for the both of them. All right. Can I come

down and see them at your house? Yeah. When would you want to come? Tomorrow. Tomorrow?

What time you open tomorrow? Okay. What time can you see me tomorrow? Anytime. Anytime. Okay.

Do you have petroleum jelly or should I bring some? Should I bring petroleum jelly or do you

have some what are you talking about petroleum jelly for the muffler so i can check it out do

you have some or should i bring my own to use do you know what petroleum jelly is vaseline

yes i know yeah i i needed to check out the muffler how would you do that i'll put the

vaseline on the muffler and then a little bit on your and i shove it up your ass hey friend

yeah you need to you need to straighten up do you think if i did that when you fart to go

like that catalytic converter makes you take a big shit brenda cracker yeah that was really

her last name or she's just like white power i'm claiming the word for us they can take their word

hello all right i i want to know what do you got left from that big fucking yard sale you had

uh we have uh some used adult diapers yeah yeah yeah can i put are they your wives do you like

her to take a big shit and piss in the diaper in front of you while you jack it off no actually uh

you know supply a nursing home with them and uh usually on burrito night that's when we go

collect or whatever what's with what's with your sense of humor god damn it not this shit again

this is twice now tonight that i've dealt with people like you i know i don't know what is it

with people i just i don't know i don't know you just can't get a good crank call on somebody no

No, I can't. It's been okay.

Nothing yet. Nothing really good yet.

Right, right. Well, keep trying.

You might just find that right particular

person that's got that sixth sense

of humor you're looking for. Oh, you're the same.

You are the same person.

How much shit you're selling, motherfucker?

How many more ads did you put?

Why didn't you just put one? Hey, I'm telling you, man.

We're all over. We're all in touch.

We sell used adult diapers.

I mean, we're

worldwide.

You're cracking me up.

all right well uh tell tell brenda i'm sorry okay all right but not you fuck you all right

bye brenda big booty brenda i get that all the time yeah for some reason okay okay bye

jesus what is this what kind of show is this tonight same fucking guy puts in like five

fucking ads and keeps chuckling every time like picking up and chuckling okay i know i got at

at least one fan night i'm sure nunu's happy as long as nunu hears a phone ringing he's happy

fucking guy right need a sip of water but it's a lot of work right i could just do a prank call

i will be speaking of sipping water and prank calls i will be playing a prank on the break

which a lot of you might have heard already but maybe some of you haven't but this way

everyone tonight can hear it it's uh regarding me calling an alcoholic show on blog talk radio

and saying i'm an alcoholic and recovering alcoholic and then i fall off the wagon and

drink live on the fucking show and oh it's a ha ha ha there's another one from last night that

is really good what the fuck was it me stuck in an elevator yeah that's what it was oh it's so

funny i won't play the whole thing during the break because it's 13 minutes long i think but

i'll play maybe the first five and then we'll do the rest later on after the show's over we'll play

that the tail end that take us out of here yeah that's what we'll do oh yeah all right here's

someone who's not brenda or that other guy this is someone else and they have a 03 volkswagen

beetle okay no no you sent number listen i asked you specifically no no hey listen i told no no to

to send his stuff to me not in the irc but to send him on messenger and he still doesn't fucking do

it idiot how you doing you got some shit for sale i see you got a beetle volkswagen beetle

that's what she said i can't do that all right so we're calling las vegas by the way

here's the heavenly bliss wedding chapel they are open

no no no voicemail

all right never mind it's like where all the wedding fucking chapels are

Nice.

This one here is still open.

The Graceland Wedding Chapel.

I'm sensing an Elvis theme here.

What is the appeal of that man Elvis Presley?

Seriously.

I'm sorry about the chapel.

This is Levy.

How can I help you?

Hey, is Elvis there?

Not in message form.

When will he come in?

Yeah.

Oh, it's Colonel.

Colonel?

Your name is Colonel.

Yeah, they call me the Colonel.

And what message do you want to leave for him, Colonel?

What was your name?

My name's Levy.

All right.

Message.

Elvis Boy, comma, next line.

Colonel called in.

talk to levy levy made a sexually harassing comment to him uh call me when you get back

okay all right and do you think he'll be there later

harassing comment did he not understand who the colonel is dude if i'm getting married in vegas

with an elvis preacher i want someone dressed like the fucking colonel next time that'd be

fucking awesome guy with a hairy fucking chest i don't even know what the colonel looks like i just

know elvis always had the colonel yeah just have him dressed like the kfc colonel exactly

colonel sanders is levy there hold on no wait wait hello yes yeah don't put him on he said um

sexual things to me on the phone just now or he did he did well you can call back and talk to

mary about that he said he had a big erection and that that you were giving him a hand massage

a penis hand massage he said okay i'm gonna hang up the phone now with spit he said you were using

your spit the spit was spit you did it with spit wedding chapel featured in movies such as fool's

rush in you may have also seen the chapel recently on the amazing race cbs early show mtv vh1 good

morning america and the tonight show world's most musicians have been married or renewed

their stars like john bon jovi billy ray cyrus and rob zombie celebrities have stopped visit

such as johnny depp matthew perry jay leno american idol sensations crystal bauer socks

and Michael Lynch, and of course, the king of rock and roll himself,

when you walk down the aisle at Graceland, you'll feel like a superstar, too.

Thank you for calling Graceland Wedding Chapel,

a Las Vegas wedding landmark for over 50 years.

No, no, thank you.

I wouldn't want to do that.

I'm doing a bounce call, which is what I call the format of hanging up.

Walgreens, located at the southwest corner of Charleston and Las Vegas Boulevards.

With convenient pharmacy drive-thru service.

Para servicio en español, oprima el número nueve.

the pharmacy is now closed a quick announcement it's not too late to switch your prescription

we accept to use our automated pharmacy services one for all other departments press two two

your entry was not recognized please try again to use our automated pharmacy services press one

for all other departments your entry was not recognized please try again to use

our automated pharmacy services press 1 for all other departments press 2 to

hear pharmacy hours and location press 3 to hear store thank you for calling

walk-ins we're ever foolish that's daily my name is Gracie how may I help you be

honest do you have a colored people hair product section there do you have a hair

hair product section for collards yes all right um i need you to get the shaving uh powder um

let me call somebody in the cosmetics department to see if they can help you okay sexy uh we'll

do a bounce here too if i can find the window with the call there we go hang up return call

and here we go option two hopefully it takes for photo press one for cosmetics press two

To hear store hours and location, press 7.

For customer service, press 0.

To return to...

Thank you for calling Walgreens.

Sandra speaking.

How can I help you?

Hey, what happened that I was holding so long?

Don't.

No.

Come on, man.

Not cool.

Totally not cool.

Walgreens, look at that.

For photo, press 1.

For cosmetic, press 2.

To hear store hours and location, press 7.

For customer service, press 0 to return to the...

Hello, I am a completely different person.

Hello?

Yes, hello, I am a completely different person.

Hello?

Yes, hello.

Oh, I got it on mute.

Oops, I'm stupid.

I put it on mute and I forgot to take it off.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Whoops.

...all green, located at the southwest corner of Charleston and Las Vegas.

The pharmacy is...

I'm not looking for pharmacy.

To use our automated...

Your entry was not recognized.

See, if I mute it, it goes through.

To use our auto...

For photo...

See, when I mute it...

I'll take it off.

Took it off that time.

Sometimes Vox sucks with the muting.

It gets a little funky, and it doesn't want to release it.

If you hang up before taking it off...

Thank you for calling...

My name is Gracie.

How may I help you, people?

Hello, this is a completely different person.

Do you have alcoholic beverages in this location?

We have alcohol in a bottle.

Yes, we do.

you do have alcohol in a bottle yes rubbing alcohol sure that too but i can't drink that

um we have a liquor as well do you have a funnels and a hose a big hose garden hose and a funnel

and i could put the no we don't i could put the hose in your pussy in the funnel on the other end

and pour the vodka yeah i got it in i got it in yeah sexually harassed her on the phone yeah

Might as well just go down there and show her my penis, right, guys?

Yeah, guys.

Listening to some Pink Floyd tonight.

After our break later, we'll have some King Crimson also.

Those are the two music groups that I've chose for our music tonight.

We might also sneak in a little bit of Porno Sonic,

which I haven't played in a while.

It's an album of 1970s porno soundtrack songs,

songs including such themes as the dick dagger theme cramming for college nice and sleazy does

it and spider pussy which we heard before the show started oh yeah all right there's a sin city

hostel oh i don't want to say it in a hostel in vegas yeah anyway next door to the hostile cat

hostile cat i like that let's call the hostile cat see how nice the hostel is or not aren't

Our hostel's usually pretty shitty.

Thank you for calling Hostel Cat.

We have the cheapest beds and the most fun hostel in the city.

Please wait for the receptionist.

The cheapest prices are at HostelCat.com.

We are open from 8 a.m. to 1 a.m.

Change or cancel your booking on the website where you made the reservation.

What is this, like autistic hostel?

Cancel 48 hours before your arrival date free.

He almost sounds like he's good.

For check-in requirements and to learn what a hostel is, press 1.

For a dance at the, with the most fun.

Hours and directions, press 3.

I'm missing chromatons.

Please try again.

What?

I don't even hear the choices.

I was busy talking like a bitch.

The operation.

I feel so close to you.

Oh, yeah.

They got nice music.

Oh, yeah, man.

I'm a student.

Hey, hostel cat, how can I help?

Hey, I'm a student.

Excuse me?

I'm a student.

I'm traveling.

Um, okay.

What are the hostel rules?

How can you stay there?

Can you be anyone?

You gotta be a student, right?

Um, yeah, just, oh, you want to make a reservation?

Yeah!

Fuck yeah!

Fucking shit, yeah.

How are the rooms?

Are they, uh, are they, uh, like, do they have their own?

Uh, just bear with me a second.

Do they have their own private bathroom, or do I share it with everyone on the floor?

Uh, so what country is your passport from?

Uh, well...

You're like, you're sure you won't tell anyone, right?

Excuse me?

You sure you won't tell anybody?

About what?

About where I'm from?

Uh, no.

Oh, it's from Bulgaria.

Who's whispering over there?

So you have a Bulgarian passport?

Yeah, who's whispering over there? Who is that?

Uh, it's just someone that's seeing me on reception at the moment.

Oh, he's...

Hey, other person, are you a motherfucker?

Actually, I...

He said, hey, other person, are you a motherfucker?

I heard what he said

He said

Tell him you don't have a room

He's lying put him on the phone that motherfucker

No

Fuckers

Thank you for calling Hostel Cat

We have the cheapest beds

And the most fun hostel in the city

Please wait for the receptionist

The cheapest prices are at

Hostelcat.com

We are open from 8am

To 1am

Change or cancel your booking

on the website where you made

the reservation. Cancel

48 hours before your

arrival date. 48? What about

24? Fuck that.

And to learn what a hostel is,

press 1. Prices,

press 2. Hours and directions,

press 3.

Tours and activities,

press 4. Hear this message again,

press 9.

It said hold for the operator and then just gives you options.

Speak to a live receptionist.

You see? You see that guy?

Really?

Stupid.

Your entry doesn't match any of the choices.

That's sloppy IVR programming right there.

I'm hitting one.

Oh, God.

All right, fuck it.

For check-in requirements.

Really?

And to learn what a hostile is, press...

All right, fuck these people.

Fuck them and their stupid phone.

We played this tune before the show last week.

I'll play it again.

It's a good tune.

Have a cigar.

cigar. Wish I could, but I'm banned from having cigars inside my apartment indoors. Remember when

I used to smoke a cigar in video? It was so much fun. But yeah, it was bad. It was stinking up. I

mean, I live in a small apartment, dude, and I would do it with the door closed so it wouldn't

get out too much into the rest of the apartment. I mean, it stunk in here for the rest of the week,

literally until the day before I did the next show. It still stunk like old smoke in here,

just in time for me to fuck it all up there was a film on all my monitors no no i can't do this

and it's too cold to go outside to smoke a cigar this fucking place it's my miss florida man

we're getting a fucking snowstorm tomorrow and shit las vegas signs they're gonna be closed

silver state speed shop so they got hours posted no hours posted looks like a business that would

be closed at this time on a sunday we move on dino's lounge too loud atomic city tattoo i don't

like playing pranking tattoo parlors viva las arepas sounds like a probably

South American Colombian place they're open until midnight they are still open

and we pull up their menu and their website there might be music now if the

website autoloads music it does not authentic Venezuelan food and we do have

a menu excellent all right here let's go go go go

Yeah, yeah, hey, yeah, is this Arepa City, is this Arepa City, is this Arepa City, yeah,

hey, oh, what happened now, am I back on mute again now, motherfucker, come on, stop it,

stupid, I had a good one, because one of their menu items is roasted pork butt, I had a fucking

great idea for that, man, he won't answer based on the caller ID now, well, fuck him,

I'm changing the ID, can't do that shit to me, my caller ID, here we go, okay,

Here goes nothing.

I got to mount this camera like on a gyroscope because whenever I like, I have a bad habit

of slamming my hand down on the pillow.

Yes.

Hi.

Can I make an order?

Can I make order?

Of course, man.

What do you have to say?

I call and I call and no one picks up.

Pick up the three times and nobody listen to me.

Ah, mierda.

Can you tell me what the number three is?

Shredded beef, my friend, with cheese.

All right.

And avocado is really good.

And the number four?

Pork butt.

The ass of the pig?

The pig ass?

that's it yeah is it your mom's ass no my mom is not a pig i don't know about that she's a

cum pig she likes to eat cum maybe i don't know you know what the semen is from the man

yeah yeah yeah uh one mecos mecos here my oh you don't okay wow one pito grande

hey don't be a listen listen garcia don't be a motherfucker you okay i'm not garcia my friend

i'm hernandez i'm another yeah we all have the same name garcia hernandez is all

yeah all the same what would you have today because you all your sisters that's why

you have the same last names yeah hey can i have your sister no you can't why not because

he's in here is she sexy really sexy yeah does she have a big ass yeah did you ever smell her panties

no oh okay all right what why do you say roast pork butt why would you just say like whatever

else you could call it why would you say the ass okay okay and what do you say my

friend so much I'm not your friend that's true you're not my friend but

that's like a polite oh okay stupid all right motherfucker okay all right well

fuck you then thank you very much you're welcome sir okay bye-bye he's got a nice

life he's very happy with his life he's just like yeah whatever he got a little

testy there but I thought he was gonna do it I thought he was gonna do it

i was doing my classic insulting which to be honest with you just about that's my style all

right i'm very insulted for my pranks some think it's a cop out it's just my style of doing it

i like the i like fighting and arguing and pranks the longer ones i like doing those two

a lot of times the longer drawn out ones where they're just a story but i'm more i like a prank

that's at most is five minutes in the four-ish reign between three and four minutes is like

the best i think that's what i like to listen to a lot of them go longer than that but we all have

different styles of pranks jayad jayad for example is more of a long story involved a lot of planning

goes into it the craigslist uh dwight one of dwight's things is he likes picking on the other

show hosts the radio shows phone mobbing stuff kind of like that and that's cool too there's

different styles to it i would say yeah we got a good mixture on pc and i think i think we got a

good mix-in brad brad does the social engineering really well a lot of the other guys do too there's

a lot of people here that work behind the scenes too that a lot of times i get a lot of credit

there's a lot of people behind the scenes getting numbers coming up with ideas watching stuff for

us yeah man well thanks to everyone who makes this happen you know who you are i'm not going

to sit and try to name everybody with a take two long b i know i'm going to forget a few and they're

going to be hurt we're all like that all right let's go back to some more pranky calls going

Going back to the map.

Should be taking a break in about, eh, 30, 30, about 30-ish minutes.

We got another taco place.

Let's have a look at them.

Tacos Mexico.

Let me take a look, see if they got a menu online I can play with.

They do have a menu listed.

Doesn't go into a lot of detail, but it's here.

No prices.

They got tongue, I see.

All right, let's give Tacos Mexico a call.

They do not have their hours posted.

So we'll see if they are open today.

Probably are.

Seems a lot of the restaurants and shit that I'm calling on this part of the Vegas Strip

are some of those we open all the time, motherfucker.

Getting close to the Stratosphere Casino.

Hello, Tacos Mexico?

Yes.

Yeah, hi.

I want to make an order.

We don't take orders over the phone.

Why not, motherfucker?

Tacos Mexico?

Hey, can I ask you about your menu?

We don't take our orders.

Can I just ask you about the menu so I can decide if I want to come down there?

You could see it on the internet.

Then I'm not coming, stupid.

Alright.

Motherfucker.

I don't care.

Fuck yourself.

No, you fuck yourself.

You.

What?

I don't care either.

Fuck her.

Stupid.

We don't speak English, so we don't want to do anything on the phone.

We just go mess it up.

Just come in and point at stuff, please.

Man.

Hey, I didn't think you were going to pick up.

What was that?

I didn't think you were going to pick up.

Why's that?

Because it was taking a long time.

time can I make an order your phone only rang two times they rang more than that on my end

oh really maybe you had it up your ass yeah can I make an order which location you calling the

one on the strip can I make an order okay there's two of them on the strip I'm I'm staying in the

stratosphere please okay all right calm down just a question that's all Jesus now can I make an

order all right uh i need one of these and uh yeah we have one of these right here hello hello

yeah i need one of these you just told me you need one of these right here yeah i have no idea what

that means well i'm pointing at it i'm sorry i'm pointing at it now why don't you come on down and

you can do the order i i can't see what you're pointing at oh you need me to read it out to you

oh that guy was funny though yeah i want to get into the whole egg thing with him let's do it

come on let's reuse the prank again from a thousand times over and over again how do you

want your eggs with heat you want to scramble or busy no when do we hit all right i got it here i

need three eggs just go ahead and tell me what you want okay three eggs three eggs got it what

What kind of eggs?

Well, chicken eggs.

Hello?

Yeah.

What kind of eggs?

Regular eggs.

Okay, listen, I got to go.

I'm sorry.

I can't.

You mean how I want them cooked?

Yes.

You're not asking the right questions, man.

You got to work.

I'm sure I am.

Of course.

I've been in this business 30 years.

Those are the questions we ask.

You got to work with me.

Okay.

I need, well, go ahead and ask.

How do I want them cooked?

Say that.

Go ahead and tell me.

Okay, yeah.

I need them cooked with heat.

Okay, I got to go.

that's that's the silliest thing i've ever heard come on how do you want him scrambled over easy

over medium cooked with heat oil cooked heat oil oil yeah and that's why i'm still doing that idea

because eventually someone's gonna answer like that's the craziest thing i've ever heard

that's right no upgrades thank you mike that donnie like that donnie thank you look at his

coolest hell though he seems like a big cool server if i was in vegas i have to look that place up

maybe he's been doing it 35 years 30 years whatever probably at the same place anyway

blah blah circle k let's see if there's any banchos circle jerky k kept reeling him back

in though it's hard to do that kept

almost losing

him and reeling back in a little bit that's that's no no it's a lifetime of a fucking prank

hey how you doing homosexual yeah and then i do something like that i show how stupid i am

by just calling it insulting and being mean what was i thinking i try to sneak them in a lot lately

but that was way out of bounds i'm gonna say homosexual like that shit i won't acknowledge

it 399 is jim can i help you yeah do you sell gas at this location or do all right so you are

do you also have the general store inside we do okay uh and i need to make an order i mean an

order for what uh one gas one gas one gas it doesn't make any sense sir i'm ordering one

gasoline you can't order one gasoline well i'm gonna come pick it up you know but i don't want

any i just want to make an order you're making no sense you can't order gasoline over

the phone what am i supposed to do you come get gasoline if you want gasoline that doesn't make

make any sense sir i don't know i don't know if you understand how silly you so honestly i don't

have time for for prank calls sorry one fuel what about one fuel no doesn't make any sense um can i

get one of these right here hello yeah hang up yeah charlie there we go those workers sales are

one gallon 399 can i help you yeah let's make an order one fuel i'm making any sense you don't

have time to do this uh okay what's the docking procedure for uh fuel exchange if you want to come

in and buy fuel you pull into you come in here and you purchase fuel you pump it into your car

and before then you pump it into your car yeah but how do you manage the pump interface how do

you pump it into your well yeah there's there's a mating procedure correct and then the uh the the

gasoline pump ppe goes into my car's vagina and they exchange fluids you know i don't have time

for this if you're not if you're that immature come on peepee caca peepee grow up okay i'm sorry

gaga goo goo he does have a good point should grow up oh that's funny youtube video failed

well that gives makes me give up on doing live events again it just for some reason it doesn't

it doesn't want to grab my audio i i to be honest i think i got kicked off yeah copyright claim

cannot monetize video madhouse radio live prank call studio feed i just got that email well there

There you go.

See what happens?

They kick me off.

Yeah, for some reason, I can't get my mixer.

My mixer is set up for it.

So if my line in on my computer is what the source is selected to on the YouTube video,

then no music goes out.

You hear me talking.

You hear my guests who are with me on Skype on a conference, if there are any.

And you hear the prank call coming from the phone software.

That's all you hear.

No music.

and that's perfect and you get the video feed well for some reason like i've got it all set

up correct but every time i try to crank it up um the the google hangout which is what the youtube

video is it says that it can't access that input the line and input it just says here

it's hardware muted or not working correctly i don't know so i've given up madhouse radio will

be back right after this whoa whoa whoa whoa hold on a second there hey bro you're not going to

to use that language on this show you ain't gonna use that language on this show well we got some

real uh we got some real winners out there winner winner chicken dinners all right this this next

one looks like a real charmer here his name is al hi al what do you want to talk about al hey um

thank you very much for having the show i really appreciate it i've never heard it before and it

really sucks that people are thinking it's a joke because it's not um i'm on step nine i'm a

recovering alcoholic um i find myself having trouble with triggers in my life um the death

of my mother um the first christmas without her and then now today on facebook i found out that

on saturday my ex-wife got married again um i have i found a bottle

um of my of some vodka yeah stoli yeah and i have it in my hand right now yeah

oh no hey listen okay what are you gonna do with that bottle of vodka al

oh yeah uh uh uh angie and katie let me tell you something about this guy he's he's pranking

y'all my last name my last name is kaholic yeah i know don't angie and katie you're gonna have to

learn we can't help it we love everybody i mean no yeah his first name was al his last name was

kaholic yeah yeah okay katie and i do the good in everybody um well thanks watson watson sends

me a text now after the fact sounds fake you think so what okay 10 minutes ago guy tried to

breaking my truck be sure to visit us online at madhouse live.com yes she's a long way at

madhouse radio will be back right after this largest largest largest largest prank call

radio station in the nation you're listening to prank call nation prank call nation call nation

hey how you doing uh i'm calling uh my brother just called me and i'm three-waying him in he's

stuck in your elevator yeah you want to talk to him because i got him on the phone i don't have

any elevator i think it's the main elevator here yeah what room number are you in because i don't

have anybody stuck in my elevator i was visiting someone here i don't have a number i don't know

i think you have your phone number i had to call he says he's in the shaft yeah i'm on the top of

the elevator in the shaft what is he doing in the shaft beats me he told me to call you he didn't

have your number my shaft in my face no up your shaft what floor are you on no idea okay wait

this might come up to me and i'll maybe i can write it down what in white people i'm sorry

Sorry, what's your last name?

Rhinebolt, Brian Rhinebolt.

He said Rhinebolt.

Rhinebolt.

Yeah.

Bolt is the last name.

Rhinebolt.

You guys.

Rhine, Rhinebolt.

Okay, his last name is Bolt?

Yeah, go, it's Rhine, R-E-I-A-H-N, Bolt.

And the last name is Bolt?

Yes.

You're fucking stupid, I'm scared, fuck.

Where you're located, bitch.

I've heard it before, when he gets angry like this,

he starts kicking shit.

shit okay okay can you calm down ryan because what floor are you on i don't have anybody in

my camera in between floors or something i don't know fucking floors or something i don't fucking

know where elevator how to get into my elevator shaft to the elevator ceiling i took the panel

down oh my god why are you doing that okay what floor are you on please get out of there

I'm at the office now.

Hey, yeah.

Okay.

I spliced two wires and it started moving.

It was on the phone.

Uh-huh.

I heard the phone.

Me and my brother.

Okay, what's up?

How did he...

He said he took the cover off the top and he went up top.

Okay.

What elevator was he in?

Number one or two or three?

Hey, Brian, which one are you in?

Okay.

She said one A or C.

uh i don't know like i don't know someone paid like jose can i smoke up here he wants to know

he wants to know if he can smoke up there no no no what was he he didn't tell me he said he did

he said what did you say two i i don't know i don't know one of those numbers yeah i gotta take

He said he has to take a shit.

I'm trying to rein him in.

He's defecating in the vent.

Hey, what happened?

We got disconnected.

I got into a bad area.

Like as a sex offender?

What's going on?

The one that just called you.

Okay, you got, it's 808.

Oh, Jesus.

You got the phone number?

Yeah, your phone number.

Yeah, 808-923-381.

No off hand.

Yep.

Was he in the service elevator or the guest elevator?

Were you in the guest elevator or service?

Oh, I think he's defecating in the vent way.

I'm here.

Zip it up, we're trying to get you out of there

Was she asking

Oh, she wants to know if you're in the guest elevator

Or the, uh, did you say the staff elevator

The service, I'm not in the service

No, I'm not in the military

Or anything like that

He says he's not in the military, no

I'm not asking if he's in the military

How did he climb up into the elevator shaft

I took an elevator ceiling panel out

I climbed up, I did a muscle up, up here, okay, up here, and now I'm on top, and I put

it back on, put the panel back on, here, okay, you shut up for, okay, people can hear a person

in the elevator, what room do you belong to, Ryan?

A barber.

Wait, excuse me, ma'am, this is the seat, right?

No, this is in, I'm sorry, we got the wrong number.

Trying to call this, we got the wrong number, sorry.

trying to call your mom we got the wrong call your mom you stupid we got the wrong number

you're trying to call this yeah well he said he was trying to call your mother but i think

i called the wrong number what is your brother where are you staying at brother

i'm in the service elevator oh he said he's staying in the service elevator

yeah that's where i've been staying no no no he said he got a what is what is your name sir

My name is Dwight.

What he said was he came down and he's able to procure a pillow and a blanket

and he's been sleeping on top of the service elevator.

At what hotel?

Imperial.

He went into my service elevator and climbed up into the elevator shaft.

Well, he sleeps on top.

He's homeless and he's got a pillow and a blanket and he just sleeps on top of the elevator.

And I use your pool to shower and bathe.

Are you at the Imperial?

yeah i'm not i'm i'm in the uh mainland i'm just three-waying you to him yeah and dwight what is

your phone number your phone number is area code 808-923 oh that's the phone yeah that's the phone

number i used to live in hawaii and i got a cell phone but i'm back in the mainland so wait so

your brother is homeless and staying in my elevator shaft yeah he sleeps on top of the uh

service elevator, he says.

Sometimes, most of the time

I sleep on the roof, but

sometimes when the weather's

weird, like it's been, I like to

sleep in the elevator.

What do you need, sweetie?

I thought you guys knew.

On the service elevator, if you can hear someone yelling,

please. Oh, are you talking to me

or are you talking to your subordinate? No, I'm talking to

my help.

What time did he go into the elevator?

What time did you go, brother?

I'm gonna be quiet so he can't hear me.

No, don't start whispering. They're trying to help you.

No, no, I don't want him to hear me.

Jesus, there's no helping him.

I'm really getting in trouble.

Ma'am, I don't think he's gonna hear him. He's whispering now.

Okay, I need him to talk to me.

Because I need to know if he's staying at my hotel.

If not, I'm calling 911, Dwight.

No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, don't do that. We gotta do...

Come on, talk to her. Don't whisper.

Okay, alright, I'll talk to her.

Can you get back to the thing, please?

I'll go to the roof, but it's not coming out of the roof.

He said he'll climb up through the roof, to the roof.

The right rooftop, and how is he going to get down?

Helicopter.

He said helicopter.

No, there's no helicopter.

Are you crazy?

Nelson.

Do you guys have one you can send for him?

No, I don't have a helicopter for him.

Then how am I supposed to get out of the roof?

Can you bring him a parachute?

He can base jump.

are you calling me right now no i'm trying to help you help him i'm like jerry mcguire over here

call 9-1-1 and have them call your number don't do that let me let me come and uh let me call my

mother no and have him come to have her come to the hotel no uh i would say illegally

i think he's what hotel is he at what hotel are you at

I think it's called the Geneva Hotel.

He said it's the Geneva Hotel.

Geneva.

Oh, Geneva. I'm sorry.

No, 911.

Let me call my mother and have her go meet him and try to talk him out of there.

No, I don't know what elevator this is in, but what I'm trying to ask you is different hotels.

Okay.

Is he here at the...

What are you doing, Cross?

You know what?

You know what? I just talked to him.

He's not even in an elevator. He's in the bathroom.

I'm taking a shit in the toilet.

He's not even in the elevator. He's in the bathroom.

I'm taking a shit in the toilet and I'm playing a game on my iPad called Elevator Rock.

He said he's in the bathroom playing an app on the phone while he's defecating.

I'm going to tell you something right now.

What?

I'm calling 911 when there isn't one number this belongs to because this isn't a funny...

he's taking a poop

I don't care

you guys had no right to call me

and do this prank phone call

he's taking a poop

no he's in the bathroom

he's in a bathroom going poop

this is not funny

I'm playing a game called elevator chat

on my ipad

but I'm in the toilet

taking a shit

apparently I'm going to jail

yeah

you don't goof

Last show, everybody.

See you later.

7-8-8-5-0-9.

I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your door at the bottom.

So when you die, you open that trap door at the bottom.

You check the S and you go straight.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

Tell me something, nigga, I don't sweat.

My mom's a slave, so I had to plan my escape.

Hey, everybody, I'm back from break.

Who made it?

Who's here?

Hey.

Hey, Dwight.

Yeah, I have not been arrested yet.

Yeah, Dwight.

Cobra, is that you?

Somebody called me.

I called you.

Are you busy?

I'm on it.

I'm crapping.

Ew.

Dude, that's nasty.

Really?

Yeah.

How's it feel?

Was it a hard ropey or what is it?

No, no, no.

Way too soft.

Oh, sorry, man.

Folks, hang in there.

You'll get it out.

All right.

You'll be good.

Did Neon make it?

Dr. Neon?

Yeah.

Hey, what's up?

Yeah.

What's going on?

Yeah.

I know I said I was only going to play part of that last prank, but I played the whole

thing.

Cobra, I'm doing a show.

I don't know if you knew.

I'm assuming you did.

Yeah.

You're probably listening on the toilet, weren't you?

Yeah, absolutely.

Oh, man.

All right.

Cobra, who's usually the co-host on Dirty Aaron's show.

Good to hear you, sir.

Let's get back to the pranks.

Dwight, let's get to your numbers, eh?

Ooh.

Hey.

Yeah, that was a long prank.

I didn't realize it went out for about 14 minutes.

Hello.

hey maddie how you doing hey hey hey everybody hey how's your night tonight how's your body

it's going good man i'm drawing yeah how's your body how's my what your body

uh for this whole different story it's good when you're drunk hey k can we add my girl

who's your girl eda oh yeah yeah yeah okay yeah yeah sure of course drop her in and all that

Well, I was talking to her and then I was like, well, she's like, go on the call.

I can come on or whatever.

Oh, you can't do that.

You got her in trouble.

Oh, you'll get in trouble.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

You know how that is.

I hear you.

Okay.

So moving to Dwight's list, we have we're on the air, Matt.

Also, if you didn't know.

Oh, I'm going to change my total tone now.

I know.

I wouldn't put this in.

Robert Leder. Is that his name? That's cool.

I am Leder. Hosen.

Leder Hosen. Last day in

California. Goodbye

hash. Goodbye crabs.

Hash N-A-M-M. I'm going to leave them in the state.

Any idea what that N-A-M-M

is? Let me look up that hashtag.

NAMM. NAMM.

It's a convention.

It's a convention. Yeah, I figure, but do you know

what kind it is? It's like

oh gosh, I can't remember.

It's like electronics

I think.

uh hang on i'm pulling it up here even the site doesn't say it just says the nam show

very suspect it's national association of music merchants wow oh cool yeah yeah

they had to really work to not be namla with the way they worded their name they should have

probably done something else with the letters if you ask me that's because the first thing i said

I was like, NAMBLA?

No, still, like, eh.

Maybe we're the only ones thinking about NAMBLA.

Calling the Walt Disney Travel Company.

Our office is currently closed.

But you can visit our website, Disneyland.com.

No one's with the Disney Parks.

You can't get through at night anymore.

What?

I don't know.

What are you talking about?

It happened in my last show, too.

I tried to call a Disney park and a Disney resort, a hotel,

and you get the message that they're closed at night.

Oh, they must just turn the switchboard thing off.

Walt Disney Travel Company.

Our office is currently closed.

See, I think that's their central location for, like, reservations, though.

Each, the hotels themselves do have a direct number.

Let's see if we can find it.

We've got to find it for the Grand California.

Well, you guys have a Grand California?

We had the Grand, we had the Grand, I had the Grand Floridian in Florida.

Yeah.

Really?

It's a little, uh, over, it, yeah, it's too, it's not what you pay for.

I imagine there's like a grand Texas and Texas yeah well the grant like the

great 40 and is like it's it's old like it was cool the contemporary resort is

could that's the one that the monorail dry it goes right through the middle of

so cool it's kind of cool to go go in it I've never been on the monorail you

don't have the monorail in California yeah because you do you're the small

Oh, you have Disney quote unquote world or land.

No, they just call it Disney there.

We just call it Disney because that's what it is.

It's Disney.

No, it's Disney World.

I can be a baller because I've been to actual Disney World.

Like I said, are you really just on?

What, baby?

What's up, Hida?

Hi, Hida.

I was just wondering.

Hey, Hida.

How are you doing?

We're doing a show.

Are you okay being on?

you cool yeah yeah cool good to talk to you uh-huh no idea what you're saying sexy sexy voice oh no

i can't say that don't say that i'll say that we're calling disney's grand california here we

go i got the number it's the grand i'm a grand wizard can i get a discount our tickets please

press two for information regarding disneyland park or disney california adventure park press

3 for information about Disney Vacation Club press 4

Operator press 5 or remain on the line for the next available

Thank you for calling Disney's Grand California Notetown Spa, my name is Andrew may have your last name, please

Why do you need my last name? Just so I know how to address you Oh Akula and how may I assist you?

Um, I need to speak with

guest there my father you know what room number he's in no I have his name and

his name Robert leader Robert leader yeah how do you feel leader like the

leader like dearly okay yeah like Obama dear leader Obama I thought you meant

something you set out to trap deers like

well yeah can you put me through please make it so absolutely just one moment

while i pull up the room thank you commander how do you like the star wars jokes like this is

something that only makes me laugh or do other people like them star wars jokes are free or

star trek just one moment while i get them on the line it sure is taking a long time boy wow

Alice

in Wonderland.

There you go.

Perfectly.

That's caucus race music.

It's a very happy young birthday.

Holy shit, are they doing that on purpose for me?

That's in the Sunday afternoon.

It's like an Alice medley.

It's a megamax.

yeah yeah yeah i'm digging this it's like that show we wish that you know that that that that

roll closer yeah the music from one of walt disney's most beloved attractions

yeah from the official disneyland album on walt disney records another exclusive

disneyland attraction is pinocchio's daring journey featuring this academy award-winning

i don't get that down it's an official album

he wants to be a real boy yeah this old man are we waiting for someone to pick up

yeah really being transferred there's good music too

okay hush hush little baby don't say a word but carlito's gonna buy you a mockingbird

i'm sorry there is no reply oh that was worth it at least we got to hear some great

oh dude that's so great we got am i gonna be the first one to say i feel kind of uh

Uh, you know, the fucking scam name here is someone called Bjork.

What?

Fuck is Bjork.

I'm the fucking Bjork.

I'm the Bjork.

Oh, because you're from Sweden?

I am the only one probably in the whole fucking world.

There could be more than one Bjork.

Hey, how do you spell your last name?

Bjorkos.

What does it mean?

Bear pussy?

No.

It's like horse means like a, uh, like a field.

Bear field.

So then you have like a real hairy pussy probably, right?

Reindeer.

No, they left things from like my grand, like, great, great, great, great, grand, grand,

grand, great, great, grand, grand, great, great, grand, grand.

Can I do some calls?

Yeah, let's do some calls.

Thank you.

Here's Jimmy, who, what is this toy?

Help me, please, because I was trying to read this this whole time.

Kathy, why Jimmy was...

Oh, she was tagging people.

The shit stops now.

I didn't got a fucking answer.

What?

What are you talking about?

The shit stops now, Ida.

Right now.

The shit stops right now.

You guys keep mom under is gonna kill her.

I'm over it.

And the name calling and stuff.

Damn.

Hello?

Yeah, Jimmy, you don't talk shit like that.

You hear me?

Who's this?

You don't talk shit like that about my friend on Facebook, motherfucker, you.

Who the hell is this?

this is cross motherfucker i saw what you don't put i saw what you don't put down about my friend

i'll fuck you up motherfucker you ain't gonna fuck nobody up dude i'm gonna kick your fucking

ass and fuck your mom you don't even know who the hell you're talking to you dumb son of a bitch

jimmy watson and your mom is a bitch and a stupid asshole and you're a dumb stupid ass

no you son of a bitch no you're a son of a bitch no you yeah yeah i think you

won i won i don't want you to mess with me yeah i did i won the prize you didn't win jack dude

i'm a more of a man than you i'm the cock of the walk now yeah look at me ladies

who the your friend anyway oh it's matt hillock you got a problem with him how you doing

He'll burn your house down. He's an arsonist

Go ahead talk back. Yeah, what are you doing? Why are you talking shit about our friend on Facebook?

He's that one guy we know I know his gauge on what's his name cross

Jimmy Jimmy. Yeah, Jamie Jamie Jamie and Jennifer

Jennifer, who's your fucking friend?

Jennifer, we're fucking Jennifer.

Friend, Mal.

Mal, I like the kid from fucking Goonies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You guys sound like you're from the fucking Wrong Turn movies.

What's it sound like?

The Wrong Time movies?

What does that mean?

Before they colored people in movies.

The Wrong Turn, you dumb son of a bitch.

You can't even hear.

Who the fuck's your friend, you dumbass moron?

Wrong Turn, what's that mean?

Fucking fate is going to come get me.

Yeah, I mean, you're fucking incest.

You can't hardly talk, right?

Uh, you're priceless, sir.

And what else is wrong with it?

You're not entirely wrong about him, sir.

Yeah.

Don't you just hang up?

No, he's a fucking tramp, stupid ass.

Why don't you just hang up?

What are you doing there, you motherfucker?

Why don't you go ahead and hang that goddamn phone up, you redneck piece of shit?

He ain't going to hang up.

you hear me boy why'd you say jamie jimmy you gotta talk motherfucker do it who the

is oh i'm sorry i messed up i'm a black man sir go yourself yeah he wins

your thing is a relevant argument you understand did we are we clear we're not going to have this

problem with you anymore motherfucker i'll handle the problem me and you boy well me and you will

tussle yeah you handle the problem with me you you dumb ass son of a how do you know i'm a

or an ass cause i know who you are now you're off the internet that's who am i off

the internet you know me or are you just saying i'm internet person i'm mad hillock you can find

me on the internet i'm from the computer i don't know who the you are

i would actually say that ignorant ass queer that was on there arguing with me earlier

no sir i wasn't just stupid there that was are you

cleared out where you can call hello yeah oh you hung up as in the other one let me try to

call him back that guy's interesting finally he was interesting who's your friend well who's your

friend though i'm mad fucking you're gonna figure out i don't know if you know you can't type me in

i am from the internet if you type in mad fucking i wish people would give a fuck

hey jimmy jimmy i got again fuck them don't give them to me give them to me

monday you get them tomorrow tomorrow yeah any idea what time you're going on tomorrow

i don't i'm gonna see if shooting for early again but early-ish daytime-ish

that's conflicting with anybody else not with me yeah hey is that heather this is she oh hey buddy

how you doing sir uh first of all i'm a chick but oh yeah are you sure when's the last time you

look say some time for that answer do what who are you huh who are you i'm her

husband yeah well i'm talking to her about her private parts you put her back on uh why don't

you meet me somewhere over in sherman texas and i'll just uh show you who i am or you want to

meet at walmart i'll meet you at walmart all right can i bring dwight with me hey buddy you can bring

whoever you want bring dwight hey yeah you son of a you talking to my friend like that

we're just trying to get some pussy from your old lady why are you calling my cell phone why

ain't you got her cell phone because uh apparently she likes to uh she's tired of working on the uh

tablets and she wants to ride the washers and dryers and i got uh i got some swivel in

my stick i could probably make that motion happen for her yeah we can make her come harder than

you uh meet me at walmart here in about 30 minutes and i'll show you yeah where you want to meet you

want to meet in the tire or lube or you want to meet in the bathroom you better uh bring a

lot of help with you because i'm a big guy yeah yeah i don't care how big a boy are you how big

a boy am i yeah six five three hundred pounds shout out to no no talking girth so uh just

meet me there in 30 minutes all right how big are your wrists i got 38 inch guns you want some

oh yeah can i oil them up first and touch them just won't you meet me there in 30 minutes i

want to touch your arms first though you know for a little bit how big old man you are i want

to put baby oil on your chest and your um why don't y'all just stick each other in the ass and

get it over with do you have a lot of chest hair or you say shave smooth because i ain't got time

fuck a little dildo idiot can we talk to her again please yeah they're pussies you listen here

you son of a bitch you bring that whore of a wife down with you whoever wins gets the fucker right

there on the spot the other one has to watch well i guarantee you ain't gonna win i don't know

No, there's a lot of goods I can use around there.

Maybe I grab some of that car wash, the soap shit, and I just fucking lube you up with it.

And I'll just scooch you around the goddamn floors.

I got a shotgun and four pit bulls.

I guarantee you, you ain't going to walk out of there.

They ain't letting you bring that shit to the Walmart, you piece of shit.

Just be there in 30 minutes, motherfucker.

I will be.

I got you, motherfucker, motherfucker.

All right, you want to remind me to call him back in 30?

Yeah.

Okay.

yeah i don't i don't think he's gonna be there yeah but still they would be like what the

motherfucker you know like hey yeah yeah and then people like they're they're so eager to fight man

yeah people just ready to do it on the phone they have like they think they have on them anonymity

like on the internet anonymity yeah and they're all oh i'm a tough guy i like the people that

feel like that when they're in a car yeah yeah i know dude i was so bad when i was a driver

i was so like but i mean i was willing to hop out and scrap but i'm saying i would harass people

like just regular like are you some kind of chat what are you in some time chat me i'm not baby

no tiny chat i'm not on tonight i was trying to see if that would fix the youtube problem

but it didn't might as well just use chinese thanks a lot obama thanks a lot right oh and

morgan spurlock neon you're being quiet you want to do a prank i got a honda honda for sale or i

got what's this bubbaloos pet sitting and canine service that sounds kind of fun uh she does pet

sitting and she'll walk your fucking dog wow that's cool neon just recently adopted a cat

Yeah. Congratulations, Neon. You have a new baby.

Thank you.

I'm never going to get an answer out of that anyway.

It's okay. I did the wrong one.

That's what you asked the people that were pranking, not the host.

Who did you ask? Did you ask me something or someone we called?

I don't remember what you asked.

Eda, you're right there.

You okay, Eda? What's wrong?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You sound extra frustrated tonight.

Sorry.

it's all good homie let's go to tiny tech texas this i can thank you have a nice day yeah right

pick up the first time like this does yeah there's a weepy line i cleared my i reviewed my

computer so i don't have it this is someone's uh i'm not able to take your call right now

detailed message with your name and shut the fuck up

what do you hate you hate the beeping oh that that girls i thought it was someone in the chat

pisses you off right me too when they talk in the tiny chat when they talk in tiny chat that's

me they get to matt can you send me the link uh yeah all right here's the guy says if you need

work done give him a call auto repair as dnr yeah hey um how soon can you start working on a car

what are you guys going on uh my wife is stuck in it your wife's what she's stuck in the car

stuck in the car yeah where are you at on my driveway is it like she's off the driveway or what

no no no like she's stuck inside the car she can't get out like the doors don't open the doors don't

open i'll put her on maybe she can explain what's going on neon yeah yeah hello i am neon yeah

that's her that might explain a lot right yeah she's retarded you're right there you like

rap music you like crazy eyes killer you like crazy eyes killer bye i don't know crazy eyes

killer off and it's a fake rapper oh that's why i would know it it's off it's off of the

shakurby enthusiasm yeah an alternate reality version of wanda sykes is married to a gangster

rapper named crazy eyes killer you know what day today is even sunday i do shows

yeah i do it sunday nights now i've been doing it sunday nights for a while

How are you?

Grab me on?

Yeah.

Digging this track.

Wow, wow, wow.

The voicemail box.

Nothing set up yet.

Please set it up.

Pack the buttons.

Too slow, dude.

Too slow.

All right, the next one is Scott, who has a Samsung Galaxy 3 with no cracks.

That's an old piece of shit.

That's some two-year-old phone shit.

I can't blame Matt for trying to sell it.

I feel for everybody.

That's my problem, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, he might find a sucker somewhere.

Whoa.

Shut up.

Wow.

Where was that echoing from?

What's going on?

Tracy and McGough.

Oh, Tracy McGough.

That's her name?

Yeah, you gotta, well, you gotta see if Tracy's a boy or a girl, right?

I have had several prank requests.

Several requests for another photogenic session.

Okay, whatever.

What is it?

It's a photographer.

Pornographer.

Yeah, it looks like a lady, a woman with a dog, a Black Lab.

Black Lab probably eats a lot of peanut butter.

I believe that's probably an African-American child.

No, not a Black Lab, no.

Is that what I meant by Black Lab?

No.

That'd be a good rap name, Black Lab.

That's a group already.

Black Lab, yo.

Yeah, it could be good.

Black Lab could be good.

It's taken already.

It's taken by some white people music group.

Tracy Q, sorry Mr. Powell, wait me in a minute.

Tracy Chong, I'll try again.

Hello.

Hi, do you do photography?

Yeah, this is Tracy Phyllis McGough.

Yep.

Uh huh.

Oh yeah, I need to have a photogenic session, please.

Okay, can I call you in the morning?

Uh, no, no.

You have a black lab, right?

A black dog?

No.

You don't have a dog?

Damn.

That was my lover.

her peaked patches was adopted from me last year and the guy just re-homed her and she's loose now

okay so this is a cat loose she's a good dog okay it's a dog and likes other animals so please catch

her and call me still on board dwight yes sir have you reached casey wife and fucking bitch

damn it retry retry she didn't care if i had a bunch of puppies she loved it puppy cat whatever

hey uh casey yeah yeah i uh that fucking dog patches you still looking for him because i

think i saw him um she's still missing yeah i uh i just saw that the fucking dog was over in my yard

and he shit right up by my front step what is what is the street that you're on uh let's see

i'm down here i just moved in the neighborhood but uh i think it's uh tom uh tom cow road and

And then you know where it intersects with Maple at?

I'm not from that area.

I actually, I adopted her, I rescued, and I adopted her out to a guy almost a year ago.

And he tried to get me to take her back.

And I was on my way to get her, and he lost her.

Oh.

What was his name?

Because I might know him.

His name is DJ.

DJ Lee.

You gave a fucking dog to BJ?

DJ, yeah.

Yeah, no, that's why I said DJ.

Your phone must have cut out.

Oh, sorry.

That's okay.

No, you know what he does for a living, right?

Back when I researched him, he was a mechanic.

Yeah, no, he runs, that's a front.

He runs dog fights out of that mechanic shop.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Yeah, I go down there every now and again.

We set them up and stuff, but what he does is after they've taken a beating,

he's got this agreement with this fucking Chinese guy.

He sells them to him, and he owns some restaurants.

Uh-huh.

But I think that's why the dog ran away.

I don't know if he knew what was coming or what, but he came up in his shit right there on my front porch.

It probably couldn't see that it wasn't on the grass because it's missing that eye.

Are you sure it was missing an eye?

Yeah, well, it is when I saw it.

Okay, because, I mean, somebody posted her as found, but they saw her earlier today, and they had taken a picture, and she had both of her eyes.

No, it's gone.

on i don't know what kind of picture they took for you but uh i mean i don't know if i saw the

dog afterwards or you know you said earlier today this was about 35 minutes ago that i saw the dog

okay um no i see hang on i see the dog's here what were the patches patches come here oh shit

oh dj you leave that fucking dj's chasing him with the fucking car you leave that dog alone

i got the lady on the phone bring the dog to me i know he's acting like he can't fucking hear me

over here oh jesus um how fast can that dog run uh she's along pretty fast i fucking hope so

because uh he's picking up speed oh jesus i'm so concerned um i might have to let you go i might

have to get in the car i might have to i'm gonna have to do something here he's he's got the chinese

these guy at the back and he's got a net okay so should i call you back if i get the dog from him

yeah i mean if you catch her uh give me a call back and i'm going to head that way as well

okay you start heading this way he's he's he's in a black he's in a black van it has a red stripe

and like a tail fin that's red too okay i'm out here i'm out in the street you leave him alone

that just did nothings to you nothing okay you better you better hurry up ma'am because uh

i don't know the chinese guy is pretty insistent on capturing this dog he keeps yelling something

about side of rice i have no idea yeah okay um well if you catch her just let me know and there

is a reward for her oh reward i didn't even see that what's the rewards

okay um well i don't want the hundred dollars i catch the dog i i'll call you up you come get

get the dog and um while i feed the dog and the dog rests maybe we go in the bedroom when i get

to fuck your pussy yeah okay that sounds good i would love that that would be awesome oh that

would be awesome i'm gonna catch this fucking dog right now and uh we'll get you on over here and

i'm gonna tell you right now uh this isn't uh too pumped thing it's gonna be an all-nighter so you

better be prepared that's awesome yeah uh just give me a call back and let me know okay uh you

You hold on to your tits there, sweet thing, and

I'll call you back. I sure as hell will.

Okay, goodbye.

Love you.

Alright.

It's time to call fuckface back.

Alright, let me find it.

I think you have a date, yeah.

I do?

I think now you just gotta look at the Facebook profile

and see if it's something you actually want to hit.

I'm gonna

say no. It's probably

looking like JagTV territory.

JagTV territory.

look i don't know where y'all got this number at but i just got it

friday so uh if y'all don't put a call no hang on we're at walmart now we're waiting well i just got

this phone phone number friday so i don't quit calling the sherman police department but you

said to come to the walmart you so call one more time and i'm taking it to sherman

police department for what little little that's gone he doesn't go hey look at there

Brad's here yeah hey guys well that can be funny thanks Brad I'm calling the

police department get y'all for arrest we haven't you said to call you you said

to meet you your pussy for not showing up here man all right cool that was

three hit 300 pound pussy 300 pounds what he is a lot of this I did the how

how big a boy are you thing on them from rory d mercer yeah i think tulsa oklahoma is that

nobody always said this is rory d mercer in tulsa oklahoma yes okay what's ageless by jennifer

getting married have photos being taken maybe a date want to look much younger in less than 10

minutes okay your call has been forwarded to telus mobility come on damien so i've got a letter in

the mail i found out about a student loan it's missing questions on my application and the one

is says it's um what you doing was that question 32 line c something like that right yeah what you

do that's ridiculous you'd be asking that i bet she's still weirded out about that what kind of

question is that why would you have a funny little voice like a funny old lady voice she's gonna be

be thinking about that till she dies i don't need to tell you what i'm doing you think about that

until next week selling all of these message or text me if interested selling all of these oh

i bet she's gonna move out of her house and go to a nursing home because of that call

you think so the way to go yeah that'd be my guess there you go brad going brad just ushering

him into the next part of their life transitioning nice he's like the agent of death the angel of

uh oh lovely yeah do you dwight do you know what they're selling or she's selling brianna here i

don't uh no let me take a look real quick i like it's in her profile is her big teeth

still um nope because apparently all i see in her page is when she was born

which is bullshit because it says it was july 31st of last year

and her face there isn't even 31 days in july i bet for me to figure out i had to do the thing

on my knuckles you don't do the 30 days half september april june and november and the rest

of 31 except february yesterday they never taught me that they never taught me that they never told

me that they never taught me the state capitals hey honey baby how are you you got some shit for

sale hello hello yeah you have some stuff for sale who is this uh this is cross my wife's friends

with you on facebook and she saw she had some stuff for sale okay what do you got exactly

This is a phone call, so I'm okay. Bye.

This is a phone call, so you're okay?

What does that mean?

You just got owned, Carlito.

Oh.

Noted.

You feel dumb now.

Brent, have you ever seen Shoutcast 2.0?

Blue Planet Radio is running on it now, and I'm using it tonight.

What's the difference?

It has a lot of, at least on the admin login, the page, it's a little more user-friendly.

has a lot more options of stuff you can manage oh no i didn't even know yeah i didn't know that

was the thing yeah i didn't know either until he told me yeah it's it's the shoutcast 2.0 so i was

i can't track it using my old radio toolbox app it doesn't work with shoutcast 2.0 server i guess

it only works on something less so i have no idea how many people are listening on blue planet but

hi everybody on blue planet yeah it's usually like around 60 or so oh yeah oh yeah wasn't there

someone in the chat room earlier saying they came over from blue planet i think maybe it was a troll

okay brianna's not picking up again however i do have satisha hill for sale 2004 fly wing

what 100 cc dirt bike wow i wonder if she really put that on or just for her man

interesting okay neon you want to do a prank call try and go for it all right we'll see if this

This lady will sell you a tool.

You've reached three.

Okay.

Wait, it's turning up neon.

I was going to say, yeah, I was going to say, it's starting to sound like my show.

It's where everybody leaves and there's no numbers.

Hey, what happened to Matt?

I only came here to talk to him.

Oh, you only came here to talk to him?

He dropped.

He said something about Eda on the side.

Hi.

Hello?

Hello.

Hi, do you have, um, do you have that bike for sale?

Dirt bike?

Yeah.

Yeah, I sure do.

Okay, is it something that you use, or is it for, like, uh, for your spouse or something?

thing um actually my old man um told me go ahead and put it on there um it's 100 cc um it's a fly

wing 2004 it needs a brain box put it back in it it needs a brain box put in there

yes um actually i have located one uh we just don't have the time to mess with it with me being

in college and stuff so but i have located it and it's like ten dollars for the piece wow so you

you didn't use you didn't actually use this bike yourself um it was my husband's oh because i like

yeah i like to buy bikes that um ladies have used i like to get the you know the dirt the skirt i

know that um actually the reason he told me i can go ahead and sell it he gave it to me i just never

did ride it because i don't know how to ride bikes you don't know how to ride not even like

bmx or anything like that um i don't ride bicycles and i don't ride ride four rollers

Do you not have any legs?

Well, yeah, I just don't like riding bikes.

Oh, do you know how to ride a bike?

Yeah, yeah.

I just, I'd rather a four-wheeler.

Oh, okay, like one of those ATVs or something?

Yes, yes.

Oh, okay.

Do you, um, are you a left or right-handed bike owner?

Right.

Right, okay.

So, does it do good burnouts?

I don't know.

Does that bike do good burnouts, honey?

You talk to him.

him no why not he's he's really not sure it's just a small bike okay because i was wondering

um if you guys even knew how to i'm looking for someone stole my bike and this looks exactly like

my bike so i'm just wondering how'd you guys get it um my husband actually got it from world king

he got it from world king okay um yeah are the are the emissions up to date i don't know i have

have to ask him do you have insurance on it no um have you taken it have you rode it on the street

before no have you smelled the the seat before no are you sure you're gonna say he bought it

did your husband was he the only one that rode it yes um hmm let me see have you ever rode it

backwards has he ever like tried to ride it backwards like do tricks on it no no man i don't

think i want this bike because it sounds like all you did was try to have sex on the bike or

something no i ain't even been on it oh has he had somebody else on it no did you uh did you ever

fucking cowgirl style on the road bike i just wanted to keep asking questions

what's a brain box you have no idea brain box that's one of them fancy computer machines it's

a computer one of the computer things hey i found an indian restaurant that's open 24 hours a day

in las vegas supposedly that's indian masala spider pussy oh oh oh carly don't call him a

matter toad yeah that's a good oh my god no you know what you should order a chicken tikka masala

yeah i like to make an order yes i like to make an order oh we are not doing any phone order sir

why not banchot sorry you are yeah monkey banchot to your sister i have your number

We are tracking you.

We have caller ID, okay?

Okay, Indian Army.

We have caller ID.

Okay, Indian Air Force.

What?

We are tracking you.

One of you can jump in.

Hey, I want to come in.

What time are you guys close?

Just on 24-hour open.

Yeah, what time does the cha-cha chode come in?

What time does the cha-cha chode come in?

Apparently he didn't like it when I asked him what time the uncle fucker came in.

I don't know who he called a cha-cha-chod.

Cha-cha-chod.

Yeah.

Do you have cha-cha-chod on the menu?

Cha-cha-chod.

I'm not getting you, actually.

Do you have uncle?

Your uncle?

Oh, do you have mater?

So you don't have any mater-chod, nothing like that?

No, nothing like that.

What about you?

You got a nice big root on you?

What?

You got a nice big root on you?

Oh, my name is Gandu.

Yeah, do you have a nice big root?

Take a look at that.

What's in your pants?

You like girls?

I put girl.

all right so in the coming next assuming this oh yeah hi how many items do you

have how many items do you have on your menu like how many different things you

have okay do you have paneer do you have do you have paneer yeah you have paneer

okay yeah okay do you have sexy boy after 10 30 we don't have this funny these things only

limited menu after 10 30 okay do you and do you have that you can get those uh briyani everything

but after 10 30 okay only limited menu okay and then when can i have your mother when can i have

your mother your mother your mother when can i have your mother okay uh me i'm gandu gandu

What percentage of Indian restaurants do you think you've pranked, like out of the total

restaurants in the country?

It's a lot, right?

With the same stupid fucking question.

Like have you started repeating them yet?

I don't think so.

No.

A lot of them seem to know, like they're, oh, it's a prank call again.

Yeah.

I think they get pranked a lot, but I don't think I'm the only one doing it now.

so it's the plumber yeah i should go gas lamp pizza hey buddy

hey yeah hey fuck your mother pussy man you know your mom pussy uh-huh fuck that

all right i'll leave them alone they're funny though hey you should save that number

you don't have it though huh you don't have it no it just means you're gonna call it again

If that 300-pound guy's phone number had been in the Skype chat,

I would have started texting him, calling him a 300-pound coward.

The guy that said he was going to Walmart.

Do I get it?

I don't remember now.

What's that?

You have to use your crazy nuns type stuff now.

Someone stole this off my Jeep.

Big sexy.

What?

Is it a sign that says big sexy?

Probably what she named her fucking vehicle.

My Jeep's name is big sexy.

I'm looking.

I don't know.

they stole something off this dude's boat god he's got a lot of posts about his jeep okay it

was like a hitch a hitch on the back got stolen every single post of this my jeep my jeep

my jeep i love my jeep you want me to call him and tell him i took it yeah do it all right

they said uh marcus guy yeah yeah i got your hitch wow yeah i got people they called

they've been calling they've been chasing me and and they said marcus he wants his

fucking hitch bag and i said fuck that motherfucker okay so we want to do about it um not really much

right now i can't do right now yeah it's because it's mine okay you don't know how easy it was to

take that motherfucker off there too you should have put it on there better okay but now i'm

sleeping right now i have to get a working morning yeah well you might want to check that

spare tire back there i did a little something something to that too okay i put a surprise in

between the door and the tire i shit in there wow yeah i hope you enjoy the smell it smells good

okay thank you have a good day i believe some faggot would call his fucking jeep big sexy

what a pussy good night hey yeah good night you want me to come over i sleep with you

i got a blue dodge dually should have padlocked the hitch on there i i felt the notice his last

facebook was that okay everybody everybody the my hitch has been seen on a blue dodge dually

with a big lift someone just fucking jacked it and put it on their own vehicle the fuck it let's go

wait how would they know

I don't know

is there a picture of it does it really look that

different there's like two three pictures

of the shit it's like

they seen it southbound on 45

with black rams call me with

a plate number thank you

should have said you're

the guy in the Dodge dually I bet you had

truck nuts hanging from it

I hate that

he is like a custom

skull hanging from it

ah okay okay is he a fireman because he's getting firefighter shit put on his truck too oh he's

probably a douche for sure though yeah maybe he's not a firefighter you know firefighters

yeah they really hate it though when you're not one and you say you are a bunch of assholes is

what they are no they're not they're nice they're a bunch of pyros that do it legally get out of

here they probably start the fires themselves talk about responders like that both of you don't get

me started on on doctors and no the ambulance drivers no no carlito has to be nice because you

know in and out of it oh yeah spin kick a ambulance over you're in and out of jail you

mexican in and out you've been out you've been in jail more than i have in and out of the hotel

hotel holiday francisco ortiz says what's up people got some shoes for sale i'm sorry nan

that was rude please don't have your husband i'm not sorry it's cool okay it was a joke how about

that you don't like it take it what's up people got some shoes for sale jordan 3 true okay more

the sneakerhead stuff come on cisco jordan's how many times you've been in jail man never

have reached the voicemail box how many times have you brad several oh yeah you haven't read

the book yet now it's a my cat's using it now it's underneath its litter box wow i'm just kidding

Box liner

Damn dude

Sloth has one

I've been reading it for two years now

He's got two

Dwight have you ever been in jail

Yeah I did an overnighter for a DUI

You talked about this the other night

I was like really Dwight

Yeah a week after my 21st birthday

You don't waste any time

And then I had to wait three months

To drink again

I had to do breathalyzers every day

Twice a day

Wow, that sucks.

You have reached the voicemail box of...

What was your level?

0.18.

0.18 blood...

Is that a lot?

Like, 0.08 is...

Oh, it's over double here.

0.06 is usually where it is, right?

0.08.

Yeah.

It's usually 0.08.

Some places, 0.06, I think.

It used to be, you know, one.

It used to be one, but then they fucking changed it.

You drunks.

Yeah.

That sucks, though, man.

That sucks.

you lose your job you can't drive but i know of two people that have earned prison for that

got like five years because i have like four do you after four you're like doing definite

prison time you can't get out of it dude the you remember when i was on jury duty the other

couple weeks ago i almost got on this jury this guy um i think it was like his fourth or fifth

dy he slammed into um this family and she didn't die right away but he ended up killing her six

six-month-old what that's fucked up yeah and it was his fourth or 50 years yeah and there was

one around here that was along the same lines it's a couple years ago but she was on like her

fifth or sixth and uh she ended up getting shit faced and she was going down the freeway the

wrong way smashed smashed into a vehicle and fucking killed all five teenagers inside

hearing about that yeah that was yeah the self-driving cars need to hurry the fuck up

They have them now, though.

Where?

They're in Nevada.

They're in California, too.

It's going to be another 10 or 20 years

before we start seeing them a lot.

Let me be able to go to a dealership

for one of the major manufacturers and get one.

We can always call Rita.

She'll drive us home.

Rita!

Are you guys down to go late tonight?

I'm just chilling.

Yeah, I'm good.

I'm feeling good.

Brad fell asleep.

Uncle Runkle

That Uber is not good

If you reference a call

Back in the day that Carlito did

That's not a good idea

Do you remember that lady

You kept fucking with her

She was like I'm so terrified I called the cops

Yeah yeah

She was complaining

She did a Twitter complaint

That she didn't get her discount

That was rude

have reached the voicemail box

he's been in Kamen Hikaru for about

nine days now I'm a little worried

just ban him permanently

no no he's trying

just move and not tell him

move and not tell him

that's what happened already

maybe he won't find us

we moved from Madhouse to Prick

that's what happened he's still looking for you

he came on the air and was like

where's Madhouse

I'm sitting in this old

chat room on Wicked Wire

i'm like no one's ever in there where's new new yeah do we do it in there you're right in there

oh my god poor guy i got an email today from someone uh asked complaining about kdk because

he always hears me talking about kdk okay so he like looked it up and found some 90s looking

website is this really what you're always promoting what's wrong with you it's where

where we keep sending people to the 90s of prank calls i remember when i first came around and i

heard you guys talking about katie k i was like okay cool i'm gonna i'm gonna listen to one of

his shows and all he did was talk about brad the whole time like seriously that's all he did was

talk about he was like my name is rbcp and i'm and i was like is this wait and i was so new i

was like wait is this really brad's show or is this you know and i was like if i want to hear

anything about brad i'll just listen to his show i guess but he says rbp's name and he all he did

was smack his lips because he was like he was smoking and he's oh so gross it was annoying

oh he's always smacking his lips and smoking cigarettes really slow i listened to it one time

for about 15 minutes and like for 10 of those minutes i was in his chat room like just fucking

ripping him up and down i tried to be a fan i used to send him numbers and everything he's just mean

to me yeah it hurt my feelings like that's all he did was talk about you though brad that's it

like the whole show i think it was like a couple hours that's it i don't know what i did like

you're too good yeah you're too good that's what it is he plays the same songs just about he was

just like my name's rb sheepy and i have my own network and everybody loves me i was like what is

this i missed i missed that one he hasn't done a show in a while has he it was yeah no i think

think it was like back in august that i listened i he's probably done a couple since then or

something i don't even know he did one then shit oh man i just know because nina always post them

yeah you know links to him yeah yeah oh man and you tell him hey you should get a mixer

why would i want to do that like i would never want to do that i don't care if anyone listens

to my show like okay it doesn't do pranks remember he came on brad he said that he had

had done every single idea possible for prank calls every single type of combination of a

prank call he had mastered the whole thing and he just didn't want to do him anymore he was just

going to play old ones he said that i remember i gave him customer numbers for some store once

some business and he wouldn't be the store he's just like hello how are you doing he just did

that he just talked to him like i don't know it's weird oh shit i gave up yeah yeah but you gotta

love him because he didn't invent prank call he did prank call shows yeah he did that's what he's

talking i'm talking to turbo right now and he said that uh that august show where kdk went off and

was talking about brad he said turbo said he was in the chat room acting like brad just he just

came in with the rbcp sign on and that's when kdk went crazy and i was like wow brad's here this is

cool okay it's like a legit show well i guess it was turbo that's all i can think of is maybe a

long time ago before i even know who he was somebody impersonated me and pissed him off

and he just takes me forever now and i don't even know if turbo was saying a bunch of i mean now

that i know it was turbo i don't even know if he was saying about just i think it was just that the

name came up and it just you know he just saw it as it's time to unleash or something and the whole

show was about you brad i'm surprised you didn't hear it well then there was a time he called me

on skype personally after one of his shows drunk off his ass telling me to call off the pla like

he says call him off come on man like you know please have it all heart to heart with me he's

like call him off call him off like what are you talking about all right i'm like all right dave i

will i will ds

says we

should call him now if you have his number i'll call him i don't i don't know i don't have anything

brad does i know brad i'm in the middle of the game of balloons though so i can't really use my

hands uh a game of what balloons what does that mean what's that oh it's one of those tower

defense games yeah that's my word for masturbation i was like uh okay i'm gonna conquer this

can't use a hand all right talking you guys almost there yeah no okay that's the that's the

7-eleven oh boy brad get me through for a survey come on you know who's the best at it yeah okay

actually dwight's pretty great at it oh this is mark from the corporate office with 7-eleven

I'm calling to do the weekly customer survey.

Do you have a customer there I could speak with and just do a quick survey with them?

Okay, yeah, if I could just talk to them on the phone real quick,

and you can let them know they get a free fountain drink or a hot dog.

Where are you calling from again?

I'm calling from Southland, the 7-Eleven Corporation.

We just do a survey once a month in each store on random shifts.

You call in the morning when Jeremy's here.

Oh, no, we have to do this shift.

You're scheduled for third shift because we haven't done the shift at your store in over a year now.

This is the second shift today.

I'm sorry, what's that?

This is the second shift today.

The night shift is what I mean.

We just need to talk to a customer real quick.

We'll just do a quick survey with them, and they can get their free fountain drink.

Okay.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

This is Mr. Cross.

I'm calling from the 7-Eleven corporate office.

We're calling to do a customer survey.

Hello?

I'm sorry.

I thought I was just getting them on the line.

Yeah, you were.

You were.

No, you were.

I fucked it up.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Oh, my work.

Here you go.

that guy really took some convincing to it's like what was it Thursday when ice

goose was trying to do one and the black dude he was totally down to fucking do

the science experiment but there was an Indian co-worker there was like just

being a fucking asshole the black guy's like yeah man he goes I know what you're

coming from oh yeah I'll do it and he'd put the phone down to help someone he's

like just second the fucking Indian would come behind and grab the phone

and hang it up and so like ice goose then would call back and he's like he's like we got we got

disconnected and the black guy's like yeah this keeps hanging up the phone man i'm getting

pissed because ice goose was telling him to shut the store and lock the door and this keeps

hanging up the phone he was so pissed i was like i was telling ice cream so it's like tell him if

the idea doesn't want to get on board that he could go home for the night he's being written up

and there were a couple good 7-11 calls that night here's an ice he probably used to work

at an indian restaurant and he dealt with a bunch of carly does before he's like it's them it's

them i remember these people we know we talked about it i was gonna call me a bad child here

in a second yeah we talk about him at church now i'll go to the same church right all right look

here's chelsea who has a new car stereo did we call this already i don't think so right

i put it in double sorry oh well okay oh you did did i call it earlier i think it was a

no answer that's uh yeah there's a no answer all right all right barbie jeep for sale in honolulu

awesome uh i believe that one's free actually ooh for free barbie g barbie jeep neon play with

barbie still you want to say that that'd be okay tell them you don't collect you have to play well

oh it's just a toy i thought it was like one of those motor messages or send me a text

yeah it is it's one of the motorized ones oh okay like a power window you want to get a barbie jeep

for rb i tried to hook a remote control up to one of those ones really it would have been awesome

i don't think this is gonna go i used to have i got my son one of those uh motorized uh four

wheelers it was a you know gas and uh the pitches until they learn how to like properly ride them

you gotta run behind the motherfucker with the kill switch oh that's this suck and uh i'm sitting

there booking it he we got it for him on christmas one year so there was snow and i'm trying to run

run behind this fucking thing in the snow and uh you know i kept pulling the thing i was like i

gotta turn the fucking throttle down on this thing i was slipping and falling all over he's like

oh he went like 10 feet i'm like that's because you're gassing it like a son of a bitch

yeah i had the kit one night rider um and the first thing i did with it our house was on a hill

it was christmas day and it drove down and went right to the telephone pole that's in front of

my house oh he just got stuck on it was like i remember i was like no i just used it the best

thing was on his face when he opened it uh because they were like what color it was like pink and blue

and we're like oh of course we want blue we open it up it's fucking pink and then we go back and

read the shit it's like color not guaranteed it's like what the fuck that's a big difference

pink and blue dude the option for if the color's not geared fucking teeth and that's a good just

I just left a little hole in the box for you to see.

Yeah, it's not like blue and green.

This is fucking girl or boy at this point, pink and blue.

You can't do that.

Yeah, I had to go.

I actually took the fucking panels off and I spray painted them and shit.

So fuck that.

I'm not leaving it pink.

But everybody knows at the root, you'll always be pink.

You had a pink car.

Right in the girl car.

Free Firewood, guys, by David in Honolulu.

Who knews?

Well, I guess for cooking, they need firewood there.

i don't know we tend to find i think it was dirty aaron found out these firewood guys are pretty

fucking fire well i guess they get pissed off they're fired up i can say they're fiery i'm

like i'm gonna say fire too much kill him about killing the hawaiian forest yeah he said he killed

a gunpowder tree a few years ago hey uh david yeah hey you got that uh firewood there chief

Oh yeah, who's this?

Yeah, this is Dwight.

Um, well, yeah.

It's a, you know, it's a tree, basically.

Is it cut into pieces or do I need to bring my saw out there to chop that son of a bitch up?

Hello!

Okay, so you got like six feet of it?

Well, I would cut it into pieces that'll fit into the truck.

That's what I was suggesting, yeah.

Okay, um, yeah, that'll be fine.

What I would suggest is I want to cut it up and do small enough pieces so that after it's all cut up, you can take them and shove them up your fucking ass.

Hey, well, that's a really good idea.

Yeah, we think of that, buddy.

Hey, why don't we do that?

Okay.

It sounds like fun.

Yeah, I think it is fun.

I'll come over, I'll bring a fucking five-gallon thing of lube, and we'll get a party started.

Hey, that's a great idea.

Yeah, jeez, man.

You know, I haven't met anybody

that's been so creative in so long.

Yeah, you talking down to me there, dick lips?

Where do you learn this stuff, you know?

Learned it from when I was kissing your mother.

Oh, I see.

Now, what did you do?

Why are you putting the feminine voice on?

What's going on over there?

Did you just tuck your shit?

What is up with your mother, anyhow?

My mother's sleeping.

Is your mother still in the grave?

And I can go dig her up

up and I can fuck her with some more?

She must have really taught you

well, you know. I mean, you're so sophisticated

and everything. I am.

I went to DeVry. That's where I learned my

sophistication.

What a man!

I got finished over there.

What a good boy, you know.

If you're going to talk to me like that,

you need to peck my dick while you do it.

You've been trained so well!

Oh, God, man!

You don't know what I can do.

You do just what you're told to do, don't you?

Yeah, I do.

What an old boy.

Yes, yes, yes.

Let's play some more.

I'm going to put my mother on.

You're hurting my feelings.

I'm going to put my mother on.

Fuck you.

Can I speak?

Hey, hey.

I want to hear a good one.

Hi.

Let's hear it, boy.

Hey, did you go to the school of the double rainbow?

What's that?

Did you go to the school of the double rainbow?

Well, no.

Wow, one is braver than the other.

Wow, you sound so coconuts.

What's up?

That's amazing.

Are you crazy?

are you crazy

what's wrong with you

are you a submissive

are you a dom

now I got your attention shut the hell up

hey mom I think this guy is used to

fucking dogs you hear how he's talking

come on come on speak

here you go boy

I'm about to cum

come on boy

oh yeah

I mean

I mean, Keith, oops.

Come on, boy.

Ew, why don't you leave your dog alone?

You're sick.

You're sick?

Wow.

What's that coming out of your mouth, huh?

No, I said you're sick.

You're sick.

Fucking dogs, right?

Fucking dogs.

Maybe you interrupted him in the middle of a good time with his dog.

I think so.

He was like, I'm just going to finish on the phone.

Did his ad say firewood, but it's actually just a tree?

Yeah, you have to do all the work yourself.

Free firewood, come chop it up.

That's not even firewood.

That's a tree.

he wants to give you orders to chop yeah that's a good boy he's just trying to get a tree removed

for free nice tree he's flipping it free firewood himself do it yourself i'll pick up

again sir aloha you have reached david at six four zero two four three damn he's got his woman

all leave doing his voicemails and she's the man of the house no wonder he was talking to

you like that like oh like calling you a dog neon god really her voice is deeper than his

Yeah, that's very disrespectful to a woman neon can tell you to call a woman a dog is very bad. That's worse than bitch

I think I spy your man. It's probably the worst your wife does that go out to a party and chill mingle with me

Hello. Oh, hey tires

Three huge tires. Yeah, you got those free huge tires. We have one huge tire

Oh, I good because I want to burn a tree

is that how you this rubber burn i don't know oh yeah it starts a really stinky long fucking

tough fire yeah well it's a huge tire yeah that's what i need i need it's a big big fucking tree

and he's it's actually like five trees oh my you you're not gonna start a forest fire are you i

hope not no just on my property i got a garden hose and everything and i'll be sure to well i'll

tell you this tire if it i i think it's still there it is very big that's fine it's it's like

four and a half feet high okay and so you need about three or four guys to carry it yeah i got

three or four guys with me i got one woman she's a lesbian she's really big she can lift more than

me and then dwight's here and you need a big truck it won't fit in a little yeah i got a big

truck i got a dually a diesel blue diesel dually okay i'm pretty sure it's still there should i

call the gal and make sure yeah can you can you three way you want to go by and see if it's still

there it's in kailua okay yeah see the problem is i've got all these birds that are hanging out in

these in these and they keep shitting on all my stuff in my yard on my laundry that i put outside

side to dry and then on my car that park under the tree they shit all over it so i tried lighting

firecrackers off and they started getting aggressive with me so now i just want to burn

all the fucking trees down fuck them oh don't use that language with me oh i'm sorry i'm sorry

i forgot for a minute i'm sorry you're a lady i'm sorry ah that's bad all right i'll put i'll put my

old lady why don't you get a tree cutter i'm gonna put my bitch lady on the line and tell

I'll see if she can figure it out with you, because I'm already getting kind of agitated.

Okay?

Hey, Neon.

Hey, how are you doing?

Hey.

Hi.

Sorry, my husband there, he gets all crazy when he talks to women, so he just doesn't know any better.

What's going on?

You have a tire?

Yes, we have a big tire.

Somebody called on it, but I don't know if they picked it up.

That was last week.

She was going to let me know if she did, but I don't think they did.

Oh, what did you use the tire for?

Like, how did you acquire it?

They couldn't lift it into their truck.

Yeah, how did you acquire it?

It was left by my tenant.

Oh, were they like gym rats?

Did they use it for CrossFit?

What's that?

Were they like gym rats?

Did they use it for CrossFit or to exercise?

What was it there for?

I don't know.

It was just lying there in the driveway when they moved out.

How long have you had it since they've moved out?

um they moved out july 31st okay so there's no there's no worry about them coming back or

anything oh no they're gone to florida oh fucking florida oh um yeah so only one tire though right

only one hmm i don't know i guess maybe my husband could probably ask you some more questions

i'll put a lot of gasoline on that motherfucker and throw matches at it right oh my gosh you

I wouldn't want you to start a forest fire.

Well, you wouldn't be responsible for it, would you?

Yeah.

You're just giving us the tire.

Is there a lot of water pooled inside the tire?

Because that can mean there's a lot of mosquito larvae.

Well, there's a little oil on it so that the mosquitoes aren't in it.

Uh-huh.

So it's going to burn better with oil.

Oh, yeah.

This is going to be a good fire.

Burn, baby, burn.

I think she will be responsible since she put that oil on it.

No, I didn't put any in, but I can see a little layer of it

so that I don't know that mosquitoes are in it.

So you know it's there, and you're selling it to us.

That's negligence, so it's your fault.

I want to make a huge fucking tire swing.

Oh, you know what?

I am going to hang up.

Fuck you.

Why?

I'll be a bitch.

I was going to sneak in that we were doing a satanic fire thing, too.

Oh, my God.

So the most logical thing, you're wanting to burn it and burn a fucking tree down.

I'm wanting to make a huge fucking tire swing.

I'm hanging up.

Fuck this.

Well, yeah.

No, she's going to go do it now herself.

She didn't have any ideas of what to do with that damn tire.

Big ass tire swing.

We're going to do some necklacing with a big fucking tire.

We're going to get like a dozen people down there.

Nice.

Necklace.

Straight from the shield.

Damn, dude.

Who was it that got killed?

That's on again on fucking Nouveau TV, the Spanish channel.

Oh, yeah?

On Wednesdays, they play like three episodes of The Shield,

so I just set it to record today.

In Spanish or is it subtitled?

No, it's in English.

But like the bitches when it goes to the commercials,

like it's all Spanish and shit.

So I'm like, oh, fuck.

I hate that song.

I'm American.

Fuck, it makes me so angry.

Is that what you say?

You change it to the country channel?

Well, they play a bunch of shit like Cash Cab.

The reruns for that play on there too.

and uh yeah you sit there and watch like the commercial in english it's like for

let's say like skittles yeah and then you know you sit there watch that channel it's the same

fucking thing but it's all in spanish like i know what they're saying all right yeah oh i haven't

checked that channel out yet it's kind of near right but it's like english programming but

geared towards hispanics or they still have hispanic newscasts or something i think it's

just promoting spanglish actually kind of right it's but that's a big generation it's a young

generation and they're going to be spending a lot of money now if already if they're not already

they will be pretty soon i don't know what the demos are like but yeah money dude money talks

look at that look out the rate look at the state of the radio stations now oh money talks and

pussies walk yeah all right more pranks we had fun with that tire lady should we call her back or

just let her chill oh we can call her back i don't know what else we could get other than

that's all i need to be let's say tanning fire we're gonna dance around it nude

yes hi um the what we're really i want to be honest with you we're i'm trying to get rid of

the birds but we're also we're satanists so we're also going to hold a black mass

and dance around the fire nude and um we'll probably sacrifice a pig and then eat it okay

And to be truthful, ma'am, the black mass he's talking about is my penis.

And you can't repress our religious beliefs, ma'am.

No, I'm not. I don't care about that.

Yes, you are.

No, I'll tell you what. I am not used to you using the F word every other word you say.

And I don't like the language.

It's language, though. It's just a form of communication.

It's in the dictionary.

okay i'm sorry i'm sorry quit trying to repress us go trying to censor us yeah you're not a nun

i'm no you're not a goddamn nun but could you find your tire somewhere else please

no you have our tire that's what we want and we always get what we want

oops uh-huh all right i think it was the nun thing the f word the fuck word

inquire computer computer desktop dell upgraded everything for one dollar oh that sounds great

one dollar there was that a type on their end maybe let me see i hate those assholes one dollar

oh okay i'll look at the ad and then they're like give me money 150 that's one of those

optiplexes i used to these are the ones these are like the ones that have in my work but just

with less powerful hardware.

But Carlito, he's got

extras for you. He'll give you a 20-foot

Ethernet cable for free.

Comes with a power cord.

Nice. Thanks. I got like

a whole bunch of those laying around, but okay.

Cool, cool.

That's worth a dollar right there.

There's also a picture of a video card.

It is...

Huh, okay. It's a DVI out.

Got that going for it. Okay.

Blah, blah, blah. Here we go.

It's like a dollar computer.

You see, Brad?

Something like what you would have used for putting the shell cast on or whatever you put the mixer thing on.

A beater computer.

Beat it.

People do that all the time, though.

They write $1.

Here comes the upsell.

Hi, Beach Travis.

Oh, shit.

Marco has a shared room studio.

Ooh, that sounds very small.

Let me look at a picture of it first.

And it's on the motherfucking 32nd floor.

Damn.

It's a nice looking building.

thing does it have a beach view has a pool still man it's actually for a studio it's not too bad

no it's about the size of a cruise ship cabin and it looks yeah almost like a hotel room yeah

yeah about the size of a hotel room with a kitchenette that's it and a balcony hey carlito

i made some fucking delicious dinner tonight what'd you make i uh took a tenderloin roast

I put it in a crock pot, and I put two big cans of cream of chicken soup over it, and then I got one of those ranch, the powdered dip mixes, and you put it in there with it and shit, and just cook it for four to five hours, and I took the meat out, cut it down to small pieces, put that shit over some egg noodles, it was fucking delicious.

Oh, I think I've seen that, I've had this recipe before, not with the egg noodles though, but I had the meat like that.

Yeah, they were like, oh, you can do rice.

I'm like, I'm going to do some fucking egg noodles.

Dude, egg noodles sounds good with that because it makes that white sauce.

Yeah, I get that, like, extra broad egg noodles and shit makes it go a little further.

Yeah.

He likes big, broad ones.

You know that guy?

Big, broad.

Thick noodle is what he likes in his, yeah.

Macaroni for dinner.

Just mac and cheese.

Yeah.

Pick that, Dwight.

I like mac and cheese.

I take like, uh...

You reach me in paradise?

Anchorage rope sausage, fucking dice there, quarter that up, put it in with a little sour cream, mix it up.

I always gotta do something. I can't leave shit plain.

Like, it's gotta have like hot sauce. I mean, I gotta fuck with it over and over.

I have a hard time putting the effort into food.

I make kidney beans with cubed butternut squash and, uh, salad, rotisserie, leg quarters.

You put Gandhi sauce on that?

Reach me in paradise?

I do have banshoot sauce.

I should make that some more.

It's like a marinade and you put it all in.

Why am I calling this place again?

Okay, they're not answering here.

Marco's not going to answer.

Sorry, guys.

A side order of your sister?

Yeah.

Dude, I love that that Indian place is 24 hours and they're feisty.

Oh, I put gas lamp in the main Skype chat there.

Okay.

I think Neon said something about calling them.

Yeah, I think I kind of recall them.

Indian place in the UK, isn't it?

uh no it's uh i think i'm not sure where they are indian uh pizza place indian pizza place well it's

pizza but they're owned by indians we've called them many times it's probably really shitty i'm

making mortars and and then they ask them for the totals and and then ask them how long

do i their mother damn they don't like it to call them now that's like uh candy case numbers

oh yeah i didn't know that hang on let's give let's give dave a call see what he's up to see

See if he picks up.

Big Dave.

I want to tell him I love him.

That's what I do.

I love him.

I prank restaurants with you.

Yeah.

It's his favorite.

Hello, dear.

Okay, okay.

Come on, man.

Here's his voicemail.

You've reached Emery Goodwin.

Can you read your name and number?

That's not KDK.

What the fuck?

Did you call the number that I pasted?

No, I think that was one turbo, dude.

Was it the same one?

Same one.

There's the one I have.

It's the same one.

Same one.

i remember hearing them saying a while back that uh he or i think katie k said he was gonna change

his number yeah he did damn it man carly do you remember on uh i think it was saturday we called

that guy it was a mistress morgan number and uh i didn't know that it was like a guy trying to get

fucked and he was like can i call you back i'm jerking somebody off right now yeah i heard that

what the fuck yeah was it really what did he say jerking someone off i'm jerking someone off right

now can i call you back yeah at least he's polite i wasn't 100 sure not to pick him dwight i wasn't

100 sure that's what he actually said or she or whatever but that's yeah it was a he right it was

a dude yeah it was a dude because like mistress sent me all she said they were whores and i'm

like oh we'll check this out so i call this guy up and i click it after i started talking to him

that's a picture of some guy laying down with like a hairy ass and a jock or something and

And I'm like, what the fuck is this?

I was like, mistress.

I want to talk to whores.

I want to talk to the females, goddammit.

Hey, dude.

You picked up.

At least I got a laugh out of him.

All right.

Anissa says she has a studio for Cher.

Yeah.

Who's doing this?

It's a woman.

Should Neon do it?

Give it to Brad.

Brad.

Why me?

Because you want to share an apartment with somebody.

Yeah, it's behind the convention center.

And if you don't have a car, she'll give you a ride every now and again to the grocery store.

Oh, that's nice of her.

Don't force Brad to do stuff.

happy he's staying on usually he just disappears

peers. Oh, only females will be considered.

Oh. Call them you're almost

done with your hormones.

Yeah, yeah. Your transition.

You have to deal with a fucking

dog there named Jackson.

Forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

Well, doesn't matter anymore.

Well, maybe. Hang on.

So the beans, I didn't use enough water. I was a little

upset about that. Are you farting?

Who, me? Yeah. No.

That was a rude question. Yeah.

Oh, hey, nigger, are you farting?

Hello? I am calling about the roommate

roommate ad yeah is that still available because this is for girls obviously a guy oh no i am a

girl and i don't appreciate you calling me a guy well i have some questions because i want to be

your roommate oh as far as i'm dropping the n-bomb to get her to hang up oh shit i'll talk

to her let me see i'll have to change the caller id i think and wait all right i'll do a different

for one and we'll call her back neon at the end tell her you're a male okay all right here's the

light hotel that's all we got hotels okay oh god hotels we got uh oh i'm going out further i got

some pizza joints and hotels and resorts please listen carefully as some oil change places some

subways 7-elevens you may dial it at any time followed by the pound sign okay if you'd like

to use our company directory by name please press six room reservation please press two sales please

press three no for marketing please press four for revenue management please press five also calling

aqua hotels and resorts i don't think that's what it was supposed to be it was supposed to be a bed

and breakfast wasn't it you have selected an invalid option please enter the party's first

three letters of their last name

followed by the pound sign.

Sounds like a corporate tree.

Yeah, was that the Diamond Head?

That was the Light Hotel.

Oh, okay.

I was going to say, when I think bed and breakfast, I think

mom and pop. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where they just pick right up.

There used to be a guy, I forget what

bed and breakfast it was, but he used to get pissed

when I would call. I think his name was

Sylvester and he was a fucking asshole.

Yeah.

Never stayed in a B&B before.

I hear good things. I hear good things.

You're calling Moto6. This is Charlie. How can I help you?

Yes, I need to get a hold of room 113, please.

Hold on just one second.

Thank you.

Room which one?

113.

And who's in there?

I don't know. I'm with transportation. They said to come pick them up.

I can transfer you to their room.

Okay, go ahead.

Hold on just one second, okay?

Yep.

What did she think you wanted?

I don't know.

Hello?

Yes, room 113?

Yeah, I think so.

Okay, I'm calling from the front desk.

My name is Eddie.

Yes.

How was your stay so far?

It's fine, thank you.

Is it?

Okay, is there a reason why you've decided to make so much noise?

Make so much noise?

Yeah, what's the problem?

Are we in 113?

I just got out of the shower.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Yeah, you were making a lot of noise in the shower.

No.

And someone there had a very large bowel movement.

No.

Yes, I see it on the computer right here.

Here, you ran the hot water for a very long amount of time.

I just took a quick shower, excuse me?

You cannot use that much hot water here.

I know it's included, ma'am, but it's included within reason.

Uh-huh.

And there should not be excessive use of the water here, especially the hot water.

Who do you think you are?

Excuse me, what is your name?

My name is Eddie.

I am at the front desk.

Eddie?

Yes.

I paid for our room, and how dare you talk to me that way?

How dare you waste water?

We aren't wasting water.

How long was your shower?

I took a quick shower, and now I am going to sleep.

We will be leaving tomorrow morning.

What's with the loud talking and everything?

Wanted to get a supervisor in.

Damn.

Should have told me that crabs don't wash away.

Thank you.

That's good advice, Doyle.

I paid for that room.

When do you guys be my supervisor, eh?

Or gal?

Shut up with that.

What was it, 113?

Yeah.

Couldn't you just dial the room number right there?

I did.

Oh.

I think the last time no one answered and it went to the desk.

Oh.

It was 112.

Thank you for calling Molto 6.

This is Charlie.

How can I help you?

Uh, yeah, uh, could you go ahead and rifle me down to, uh, 113, please?

Can I do what?

You, uh, transfer the phones to 113, uh, over and out.

Hold on just one second.

No problem.

They're just cooperating still.

Man.

Come on, bitch.

and imagine they're on the way i'll just have them transferred to another room

he's down there in her nightgown or towel around her head yeah

some slippers on yeah what the hell rollers in her hair do women sew through rollers

god why i'm pretty sure this lady does let's just assume damn hello hey good evening is this

room 113 who's calling please uh how you doing sir this is dwight i'm the general manager

uh i just had my subordinate eddie uh contact me and said we're having an issue with this room

i don't know what the issue is i'm laying here in bed well he said that uh there's an issue uh

with some excessive water usage and then there was an angry female uh who was berating him we

just checked in a short time ago and and uh took a quick shower and now we're laying in bed so what

What was this, separate showers, or, I mean, I'm trying to get, he said there was water usage issues.

Well, how do you judge water usage, anyway?

Well, we have the computer systems hooked up over here.

There's two people in a room, and we're both taking a shower.

Well, you see, we have some problems on the island with the waters, and we have to monitor it closely, or otherwise the city likes to get on us.

So we're not in the shower anymore. What would you like us to do?

Well, I just wanted to inform you, sir, that the pipes, you know, they sing during long showers.

They start making a long tone, and that's how we can monitor them through the walls.

I believe that's where the excessive noise was coming from.

Yes, I was just hearing some noise out in the hallway here for quite some time.

I was wondering what that was myself.

Well, that's the guests that are actually complaining.

Is there some vacuuming going on or some trucks going by, or what was that noise?

Well, that's the other guests.

Yes, they're forming, I guess, a little group.

They're mighty mad about the noise that's being tracked back to your room.

Okay, what would you like us to do then, not shower?

Well, if you could, don't use the toilets or the shower again at this point tonight

because of your excessive use.

The other guests now have to pee in the sink.

Okay, we'll do that then.

okay and uh just uh let your wife know that is your wife that i spoke there uh eddie spoke to

correct pardon me that was your wife that eddie spoke to i believe it was yes okay just uh make

sure to let her know uh no matter how long of a shower that you take uh you can't wash crabs away

she sounded like a dirty lady from the recording i heard pubic lice sir pubic lice crabs were you

you two fucking in the shower this evening were you fucking in the shower sir pardon me were you

and your wife fucking in the shower because that's an extra charge i see you see well that's an extra

25 charge i'm gonna run on your card right now i see i see too all right would that be all for

this evening sir um yes can i have the check please yes all right thank you very much i'll

do it i got it i got it you read the card yeah was it authorized this one's on me yeah go ahead

sir here take a car okay so sir you could thank me dwight i just picked up dinner you

oh i'm sorry then you last time i pick up dinner for you i'm gonna i'm gonna ejaculate

on this guy's doorknob so when he goes outside tomorrow he's gonna have a surprise oh sir sir

you want to come down and have a drink with us there's your answer yeah it's white i was like

i'll pick up the check and you're like oh okay all right let's try to get in and sneak another

another one in on there for some reason the don't let me do my own transfer

shit i'm gonna try to hit it uh let me try one more time i just tried

something hold tell me so i'm stealing light bulbs

on the security camera yeah they're not souvenirs light bulbs

are not included or they can't afford cfls someone that's for 114

i'm sorry to bother you sweetie i need room 114 please

one which one 114 please 114 you got it thank you oh geez wasn't it 119 before no ma'am 114

please i gotta quit smoking oh that's that's my aa counselor he's my uh advocate i gotta speak

to i'm about to have a relapse over here oh geez you don't let me know what the name is i can't

just transfer you no he's he he follows i'm an entity i can't tell you my name and i can't tell

you his we we follow the strict codes i'm sorry sir but i can't do that either because uh listen

lady i've been sober for nine years and if i can't get a hold of him i'm gonna have a drink tonight

his cell phone's off i don't know what to tell you uh help an old lady out come on it's it's it's

policy i'm not allowed to i gotta i gotta talk to him i got to i'm gonna have a drink you need

to let me know his name i can't tell you that it's against the rules he would have my ass

he's staying with a friend anyway i don't know who it's registered to

i'm sorry sir there's nothing i can do about my sobriety is on your head then

i can't believe this on my head sir you're responsible my liver my liver i'll thank you

you later nice that was great oh uh all right dwight now you try dialing 114 maybe it'll work

for you and if not then we got hurt please hold this is charlie how can i help you you hi hello

hi yes hi yes can i help you how you doing i'm calling you help you yeah this is room 119 uh-huh

Yeah? You called me? Can I help you?

Oh, I apologize. Yes, there was someone who said that you had called for a car.

Yeah, I did.

Okay, and I transferred them twice to your room, and so I don't know what happened.

Like I said, I transferred.

Okay. All right. All right. Well, that's a legitimate call.

If they call again, can you please put them through?

I did put them through. I put them through twice.

Yeah, but if they call again, could you please make sure to put them through?

Yes, I will.

Okay, thank you, honey.

Uh-huh, no problem.

You have a good night.

Bye.

All right, now one of you can do it again.

Do you want me to call back as the fucking smoker lady?

Uh, no, because she was on these.

Use your regular voice.

See if she...

Or Brad.

Okay, I'll do it.

I think they have it disabled.

You can put whatever you want on.

Fucking prank, Matt.

They ruined it for everyone.

Prank, Matt.

Thank you for calling 106.

This is Charlie.

How can I help you?

Hello, could I have room on 119, please?

My ass is calling.

My name is Kevin.

And can you tell me who's in 119?

Yeah, I'm not sure.

I'm just with transportation.

Sure, no problem.

Hold on just one second, okay?

Thank you.

It's a different room altogether.

What?

Did I get the wrong one?

No, you got it.

No, this is the one that she thought it was, and we're riding with it.

I can't believe that worked.

Like, she actually thought you were calling from the room.

She just flipped her right around, man.

Hello, you've reached the message center.

Unfortunately, the guest you are trying to reach is not available.

Unfortunately, I want to keep doing pranks, but I'm going to need water

because I'm parched and out of water right now.

So I'm going to play a prank call.

Sorry.

Or I'll play music.

I'm just going to play here.

I'll play a little bit of this song.

I'll be right back.

You guys hang on if you want, okay?

I'll be right back.

Thanks.

I'm going to tuck my nuts.

I'm going to get some fruit, too.

I'm going to play some more balloons, if you know what I mean.

Where are your hands?

Yes, hi.

I'm ready for breakfast.

You're what?

I'm ready for my breakfast.

Who is this?

This is Eddie.

Who is it?

Eddie.

My name's Eddie.

Eddie?

No, just Eddie.

I don't understand you.

We've got a bad connection here.

Whatever.

Okay, sure we do.

Eddie is my name.

Eddie.

Oh, yes.

Okay.

And I want my breakfast.

I'm ready for my breakfast.

What's this time of night?

When is the breakfast?

I have breakfast in the morning.

And what are we having?

Hello?

What are we going to have?

Who you who I don't have anybody staying at the B&B. So who is this calling? Oh, my name is Eddie

I'm coming out. I wanted I'm gonna come get breakfast. I'm coming for breakfast

Well, you've got to be staying at the B&B to get right though. I thought you said you don't have anyone staying

I don't so you're gonna have breakfast right not not at the B&B. I'm not yeah, but at your house at my house

I am okay. I'm coming. I want to I'm gonna I'm coming to have breakfast

Well, I don't even know who this is or who you're calling or what's going on here.

I'm Eddie.

I've stayed there before at the B&B, but you said any time I was in town that I could come by, stop by, and have breakfast with y'all, and I'm coming.

I'm here.

There's nobody staying there, Eddie.

Yeah, but you.

I'm coming to your house.

No, I'm not staying there either.

Well, I have your address here.

I'm coming there.

I know, but I'm at my home.

That's where I'm going to go.

I'm going to go to your home.

You know, this is crazy, because you're not staying there.

I don't know who this is, and it's late at night.

I know, but can you make pancakes?

What are you going to have, pancakes?

I can have all sorts of stuff, but let's not talk about this anymore.

Why not? I'm hungry. Why not? I'm hungry.

Well.

No, but this is for friends, and I don't have to pay and stuff, you know?

Okay, well, nice talking to you.

This is included in our arrangement.

Whatever.

It makes me wonder if his number

and the B&B number are the same or if we could

call him from the breakfast number.

I'm going to get you to transfer it over to him.

Be like, hey, I'm out

to bed and breakfast.

I let myself in.

Well, let me call again and see if he can grab his

caller ID.

I did that with a barbershop the other day.

I was like, yeah, I let myself

in. I got the phone. I was like,

what are you coming back? I need to get my hair saved.

Alright, I'm doing it.

I'm changing the ID.

and dash dash he's been getting increasingly aggressive he's like tell him that you uh

vandalize you spray paint a bunch of penises all over i was like yeah when you get the call

that cop's called dashy what the fuck that's just crazy i've already admitted going in taking the

phone and bringing it outside to call him from the fucking barbershop now you want me to write

shit all over his fucking building he'd break in just for the cordless phone

let's say there's a bomb in there and it's gonna blow up if he doesn't

oh my god what's gonna happen it'd be hilarious man this is george in-house

bed and breakfast i'm away from the phone right now oh boo so brad do you know about the

the 959 and 958 area codes no i've never heard of either of those what are they apparently they're

reserved just for testing purposes so you could actually get away with using that as your either

as your area code and be safe from it pointing back to someone you wouldn't want it to or

it'll probably end up going to like a bomb the white house bomb shelter or something

i don't think so i just looked up 959 and it says it's connecticut well what about in 958

uh 958 i don't think it's oh wait no it says um i don't know it might say mexico i don't know

but mexico doesn't have very good so i know right they can't afford them

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, I don't think there's a 958, but it says 959 is Connecticut, but I've never heard of it.

I usually know all of them.

I know all Dashie says is after the area code to change the first digit after that to one, and it just fucking goes invalid.

Oh, 959 was announced last year.

It's a new area code split in Connecticut.

Oh, I wonder if that's why KDK's number wasn't working.

Oh, it got split, you think?

think well it now it was just announced it'll be a while for the actual split happens before it's

actually forced on them right yeah yeah yeah i usually put a one in the it's like it's not even

really called i looked at man that's that sucks i thought i was on to something when i looked up

the 959 area code and the 958 boo his i use 844 a lot because that's a toll-free exchange area code

and nobody's ever heard of that one like i hadn't even heard of it uh-huh gotcha gotcha i found

one like if they call it back it's like you reached a marketing number well sometimes i

noticed remember there was one show i was doing was like no one's picking up and i noticed my

id was set to an 808 to a hawaiian and it seemed like a lot of people just seemed like oh fuck

that that's too many eights or something you know and i changed it out of that and then people

started answering you know i don't know if it's just a coincidence but it seems to me like there

was something to that yeah yeah yeah uh celebrity resorts in honoree let's do it brad feel free

freaking want to do a prank i know you can just chill that's what i usually like to do when i

come on deutsche and stuff it's like being in whatever and he just likes to talk to chief

chief is the man didn't get to talk to him well yeah i did i told him i was uh wasichi was my

name yeah and then he pretty much stopped taking calls like these motherfuckers working phone's

busy happy day then you get some dickhead trying to ruin our game and it still doesn't work because

I heard that you were going to liven us up.

I was like, I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm here to participate with the fucking show.

But that's when we skipped out.

I was like, fuck that guy.

We went right over to the elevator in the shaft.

Yeah, we had that crazy good episode.

Hello.

Hi.

Hello.

Is that Happy Day?

Yes.

This is the hotel?

Is it a hotel?

Happy Day.

Yeah.

Can I make an order?

Okay.

What kind do you want?

One chicken.

What kind of chicken?

Cooked.

Cold ginger chicken?

Yeah, cold chicken.

Okay.

Yeah.

And?

With sauce.

Yeah, cold ginger chicken, right?

Yeah, and then sauce on the side.

Yeah, yeah.

Uh-huh.

Okay, one rice.

Okay, and?

One rice.

One rice?

One rice, yeah.

Okay, just one order cold ginger chicken on the side of the rice, right?

Yeah, and then one beer.

What type beer?

Green beer.

Oh, normal green beer, sorry.

Okay, all right. I'll put Dwight on his order something rude and nasty

You get any you get any of the Budweiser's

The Budweiser the fucking king of beers

Don't talk to me like that

chong you give me a motherfucker to take my order come on bitch come on honey come on babe

suck your twat she ain't dang it she ain't dang it i'll let her go i'll let her be i was surprised

what kind of beer wait a minute what and it's

And it's a damn shame you can't order beer from anywhere, huh?

Actually, you know what?

There's a pizza place up here called Happy's Pizza.

Yeah?

And they will actually deliver you beer.

Really?

With your pizza, yeah.

Okay.

They sell it themselves or do they pick it up?

No, they sell it themselves.

It's fucking ghetto.

It originated in Detroit.

But the pizza joint, but it's got coolers like a regular convenience store.

It's got like a bunch of beer and champagne and shit like that in there.

and you can actually order it

and they will deliver it to you.

That's cool.

Just get shit-faced.

Hey, what's that pizza?

Bring me a fucking 12-pack of butt, all right?

My buddy Andy,

he was a pizza delivery man for a while.

He said that regulars would pay him

all the time they did that shit.

Like they'd say, hey,

pick me up a six-pack

or pick me up a pack of cigarettes,

he said it was really common too.

I was like, I never thought about that.

I wouldn't want to bother my delivery driver,

but he said, well,

usually they tip you really good if you do it.

I've heard of taxi drivers doing that

Like you just call up a taxi driver and say

Hey go by 7-Eleven and bring me something

Oh shit yeah why not

It seems like it'd be illegal for them to bring you

Beer though

Yeah cause you have to do the whole ID

And shit like that

But they're taxi drivers they're not gonna give a shit

I'm gonna try that I'm gonna get a cab on Friday

Let's try it right now

This is cold cab

Cab taxi anybody

anybody let's see i'm sure we can find a number for a taxi dwight you're on it or should i look

i got the map here it's very yeah i've never heard of that elevator call you guys did like

i've heard you do other ones but that one with you and dwight was awesome yeah like it was it

was just so uh silly yeah she was kind of panicking for a little bit yeah it sucks she

had to be all you know a threat in 9-1-1 on you yeah what can you do hey here's the las vegas

taxi stand they they probably will do crazy stuff for you in vegas right uh-huh sure uh never mind

doesn't have a number um limo does not have a number it's just the stand i guess here we go

western cab company in vegas don't most cities now just have like one big cab company that

handles most of their traffic a lot of them do that oh andrew does that hello

we're not very we're not i thought you guys were doing it's like you guys ran into each other

Arby, you do it.

Come on.

Crazy limo call.

That's for four locos.

Western Cab.

Hello.

I need to have a cab sent to my house.

All righty.

And what's your address?

339 Thompson Avenue.

339 Thompson?

Yes.

T-H-O-M-P-S-O-N?

Yep, that's the one.

I'll be right out front.

Okay.

And where do you need to go?

Oh, I don't want to go anywhere.

I actually just wanted the cab driver to maybe stop by 7-Eleven and pick me up a 12-pack.

No, they won't do that.

Why not?

Well, how about Pepsi?

A 12-pack of Pepsi?

Because we don't.

What?

That's weird.

All cabs do that.

No, they don't.

We don't.

Well, what's wrong with you?

Get with the times.

Get a car.

You've never done that?

Oh, get a car.

Is that what you say to all your customers?

You stupid motherfucker.

I'll call them back.

Where was that, though?

I don't even know.

Vegas.

Oh.

Fuck you, get a car.

Couldn't have been a valid address, then.

Get a cab.

Hey, you hung up on me.

I had another line going.

We just don't do that, and that's all there is to it.

Well, what are you telling me to get a car for?

Is that how you talk to your customers?

You tell them to get a car and make fun of them for not having a car?

You know what?

I'm sorry I don't have a car.

Like, if everyone had a car, you wouldn't have a job, motherfucker.

So what do you tell your black customers?

Oh, you're black.

Get a car.

Hey, I put one in the chat, and...

And?

What am I doing?

and and there's an address for you that's that's my old address okay and it's comfort okay i guess

can it go out over the air oh yeah i don't it's my old it's like from 10 years ago

we're sorry your call could not be what oh was that was that a real error message or

usually means it was an error we're sorry didn't like it bullshit they closed man hey carlito you

You want to call Rita and see if she'll come pick us up out in L.A.?

Oh, yeah, Rita.

Does she live in L.A.?

No, she's out on the East Coast somewhere.

All right, sure.

Grab the number.

Hang on a second.

I'll go to Hollywood Boulevard.

What is she, Serenity Cab?

Is that what it is?

She's got big old nasty vans.

She drives around.

People up.

I'm going to try to find this motherfucker.

Hey, can you post her number, and I'll get you a good address?

Yeah.

You know, to say to pick up that.

while we wait on that i will call a limo maybe even get a limo to come pick up some shit for us

i got a limo once and i was like so can we get alcohol but it's like no you can't do that like

fuck like you got glasses and ice and shit i was like yeah you can put drinks sodas and like that's

not right i thought part of the cool thing about the limo is you could drink thank you for calling

presidential limousine your call may be monitored or recorded for quality assurance i was in one a

few years ago and they just had um water bottles of water in the back yeah to make a change to

an existing to get a party bus press two for new reservations do those promises

they have stripper poles and we have a liquor oh that's right the ghetto strip club around

here has a party bus they park in the front of their place with advertising that was my

train whistle my name is kyle how can i help you yeah hi can you um pick up get sent a car

around for us pickup car pickup depends on where you're at what kind of car

you're looking for we're at the Luxor and we need a nice car machine how many

what Oh passengers for stretch limousines fine okay can we drink in it

what yeah you can stretch in it and anything a stretch limousine or bigger

you can drink in because it has a partition we actually put champagne in

those vehicles uh so you're just looking for like a regular stretch limousines you're getting picked

up with a luxor where were you going well will you be able to pick up stuff for us but i think

my friend arby can be more help with this he had some ideas and some things we wanted to pick up

a mcdonald's maybe yeah you can take the limo and drive around and get stuff if you want

six pack can you pick it up have it in there already for us what's that can you pick it up

and have it ready in there for us already no no we can't yeah unfortunately we can't yeah

did we have apples and bananas in there you can't eat in there why not that's just what about

smoking no smoking is there a fee we can pay to smoke no what's the fine and then you'll be charged

what's the fine the fine i think it's 100 bucks it's not really worth it i'll just pay the 100

bucks up front we can smoke what about weed can we smoke weed because that doesn't really smell

I love the car as much.

Well, only if you smoke it with the driver.

Yeah.

I don't want my driver smoking weed while he drives.

That's not safe.

It's not safe at all.

So I guess there's no weed smoking.

Well, why is he paying attention to what we're doing in there?

He's just driving us.

You know, he's just a servant.

We're going to smoke weed, and he's not going to know.

You guys are calling me asking me all the wrong questions.

You guys can rent the limo and try to do what you want to try and do and pay the money.

Listen, motherfucker, I want to rent this limousine.

I'm going to fuck this white girl in the back.

It's not okay.

Can we fuck in the limousine?

Just don't rock the car too hard.

Why?

Okay, you can.

No.

Yeah.

Guys, these are all very good questions.

The answer...

Sir?

The official answer for the recording is no.

Oh.

That means you're a freak.

Wink, wink.

Hey, I have a question.

So we're all under...

Well, we're not underage.

We're all, you know, we're between 18 and 21.

Can the limo driver

Can he go to 7-Eleven for us

And we'll just give him money and he'll go and buy us all the beer

Come on

No he can't do that

That's against the law

What do you mean why not

This is like a real business

You can't break the law

Wink wink

For the official recording right

You can't break the law

Wink wink

Not even for the recording on that one

Limo drivers are not going to be buying drinks

Can we bring a fucking cactus with us?

Sounds like a plan.

Is there anything I can help you guys with?

Neon will suck his dick if he'll get the beer.

You guys are having too much fun on this.

Do you want to come party with us?

It's a Sunday night.

Is this what you want to do?

Hey, hey, wait a second.

Do you want to come party with us?

Oh, no.

I can't party anymore.

I've got a real drug and alcohol problem.

Why?

What'd you do?

Too much.

What were you doing?

Did you have a DUI?

it's been real

you guys have a good night

Dwight had a DUI

you ever suck a dick for a fix

oh the guy on G.I. Joe

was not happy when I asked him that

yeah I was about to say

I remember that now

but it's true I mean you're not an addict

until that happens right

it just reminds me of

half baked when Bob Saget's up

you ever suck dick for my water

that's an addiction man

the first time I ever saw

baps i get cursed and it's changed me for life i was like what we have rita's stuff up there now

and uh rbcp got a address awesome rita hello rita hello and it's the best address ever

cindy joe court joe court yeah that's a that's a tennessee address

awesome okay is she really this is that's where she is really oh cool oh no no that that's uh

that's just a random address in her city for us to say we're at gotcha no no yeah but i'm saying

that's the town she lives in that's where i do my swap shop calls for her that's awesome

probably talked to her before i don't know unless you sold something on the radio here we go i bet

she did who's talking i don't think dwight can you want to she knows yeah dwight probably shouldn't

can you brad or you're out sure she doesn't know your voice well she does tech support talks about

about youtube video man shit didn't you used to just not have sound on it and you just say hey

watch the video if you want and you have to listen through hello shout out hello hello i just needed

to get a cab where at darling i'm at 1020 cindy joe court excuse me 1020 cindy joe court it's it's

right by samantha lane hold on hold on okay let me get my glasses all right 10 20 sin b can you

spell that for me please oh sure it's it's c-i-n-d-y and then the second word is joe j-o

cindy court yeah no cindy joe court cindy joe court joe court yep okay and where are you going

going darling um well is there any way um do you just do you bring deliveries to the house

you know i just wanted to get some food no you know like uh if you could go by 7-eleven and

bring bring some alcohol over here and i'll just pay you when you get here no i don't do that and

then i could pay for the fare also delivery oh is that illegal or you just you just don't do it

i i i don't do it okay um but yeah i do i would like to go somewhere as well um i was just

check in for later uh do you need the address of where i'm going did you need me did you need me

to come right now uh yeah if possible if he could come over right now i could do that yeah that'd

be great and uh i'm going to the the um blog talk radio corporate office do you know the address for

that oh that noise she made what the hell is that yeah oh that's too funny uh fox oxfords

i already have an active call i don't need to kill box i still can't believe she doesn't

remember you you don't know who you're messing with i'm a featured show buddy

you're like yeah i'll connect her here we go they fucking they wanted me to call her

uh friday i'm like dude she can't handle back-to-back uh shows like that that bitch is

unstable okay committed clientele with serenity cab service this is rita and you have probably

reached me while i'm driving or on another this is such a long message too she's got right it's

like two minutes long it's blah blah blah blah wow it's 2 30 in the morning and then if you're

one of my friends just go ahead and leave a regular message please keep in mind i'm a huge

blog talk radio celebrity what's he saying featured whatever it is yeah that's the one

now we do deliveries and then the pizza guys i'm doing a show man you're at the wrong house

You got the wrong house, buddy.

Oh, shit.

Well, I got more numbers from Dwight.

I'm still okay, Colin.

Yay!

Fuck it.

I'm doing extra hours tonight, extra innings.

I love it.

Thanks for being on, you guys, you three.

Hi, thanks for doing the show.

I love you guys.

Anything for you, Carlito.

We love you, Carlito.

Yeah, it sucks I'm going to have to have another ankle surgery.

I don't think I mentioned that yet on the air, but yeah, another ankle surgery.

your final one so maybe we've heard that before yeah i know right i have two i had the same same

same thing when the doctor told me oh but hey that means uh hospital pranks was a lot of fun

actually that was so much fun taking pain medicine doing calls and getting served on

that's not how you usually are i liked when carlito said he scratched his ass or something

then the fucking guy nurse came in he shook his hands i got his ass handed to him i don't know

That's why he shook my hand.

I don't want those nurses to shake hands.

He goes in.

Remember, I called him Honey Baby, too.

That guy was actually pretty cool.

You called him Sweetie and shit, too.

I was like, what the fuck?

That guy was pretty cool.

He was a big baseball fan, big Red Sox fan.

Fuck.

Red Sox, right?

Ew.

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you would just place your order with us over the phone or you can place an order online on our

website and um we take care of everything we would take your order and then like fax it to the

restaurant and then have our driver go and pick up the food and check through it and then deliver

to you you could pay cash or card will they go to mcdonald's oh we we are not contracted to

mcdonald's can't you just go though we only really pick up from our restaurants that we are contracted

oh come on please i'll give extra money i'll tip i'll pay for it i'll tip i'll sorry suck his dick

i'll suck his dick i don't think they would appreciate that oh are they kanakas to come

i don't know what you mean like a dirty island people or are they like america like people from

the mainland yeah i don't want those dirty native coconut heads coming here you know call back

back tomorrow if you want to place an order thank you bye honey yeah what a hoe you know what's dude

when i left orlando um a company operated started up that goes to any um fast food place it picks up

whatever order you want whatever customization you want and brings it to your house for a fee

awesome because i thought about how many times i was either home drunk or high or both

or doing a show you imagine how cool to be oh yeah it's one of big macs you're on the website

site you pick what you want from where they go to applebee's they go they go to some of the other

places like chili's and stuff i'm surprised there's not an app that does that hey or maybe

there is who knows maybe there is i know la and a few other cities have one company that will

deliver groceries to you like 24 hours a day whatever the fuck you want they'll go pick it

up and bring it to you nice well you have to be like a prior customer though probably or do they

just take your credit card no you just take your card over the phone or online or something yeah

Like with the taxi thing, that would suck for them if people were just calling in fake taxis.

You know, pick up $300 worth of groceries for me.

You could be out on it.

Oh, we should call Legend and get his opinion on all this.

Can you drop him in? Is he on?

Or Milkman. I don't know.

Milkman? I haven't been able to even see him online really lately.

I talked to him a few, like last week.

I think him and Matt called me.

Oh, yeah?

Yep.

Okay.

And the end talks to him all the time. They like make prank calls together. Oh, that's crazy

I didn't know about that. Yeah, let's keep it the ends his best friend. Oh

Oh

That's why he doesn't want to talk to him anymore. He's done with you. Listen. I love milkman

He's my brother. Honestly is but the fucking guy it's an hour conversation every time and on the phone

I just can't do that every day. I can't can't and then he pissed me off a few days ago and then have a call

a harbor pub and pizza bromance is ruined oh it's fine it said it's up and downs but it's

you should send them flowers or a card flowers hey i haven't even talked about the patreon

patreon.com manhouse radio brad we had a productive meeting on yesterday it was great

we had a lot of good ideas floating around yeah yeah like your amazing idea of me making a phone

number that you call and uh you can listen to the show through the phone yes that's sebastian was

excited about that because he lives in the boonies and says he can't always get a signal there you

go yeah yeah as long as you've got a phone signal or you buy a phone at work or something you can

dial the number and listen right just cause whatever minutes are you know yeah it's awesome

cool yeah if it works like i'm pretty sure it's going to be easy to do i kind of looked it up a

little bit i should have done that this weekend yeah no worries but you know i was gonna make

like a selection like one for phone losers and one for prank call nation like dial maybe throw

a couple others in there i don't know yeah i know blue planet had it set up once uh like a year ago

and it worked but he took it off and like all of a sudden like that one night i just thought about

like brad i just thought why don't we ever do this it's such a good idea you know what i mean

I would love it for work

if I could just dial it on my cell phone and just listen

instead of having to worry about the signal in the building

being all funky like it is and shit

that's awesome

my phone system thing also

it accepts unlimited calls apparently

like hundreds of calls at a time

whatever it can handle

as many as my bandwidth can handle

your hardware and your bandwidth

like a bunch of people could call in and listen

cool

hopefully we'll get a number out there

next few days or something whenever it works

that's exciting i really like it we need to come up with a name for it also i never floated the

idea in the chat room at least i know it's super late now but we really should get a name for that

eagle on our logo should have we should have a contest to name it yeah yeah get a few ideas

make up a poll for a month and get a name for the yeah i don't know yeah um i can't think of

any good names right now i can't either yeah crackers round table pizza crackers round table

Roundtable Pizza.

Bancho the Eagle.

No, that's just Eddie the Eagle.

Eddie the Eagle.

Eddie Eagle.

No, that's the girl Eagle.

If you remove the shield, you can tell.

This is Derek.

How can I help you today?

Yes, hello.

This is Arthur.

Yes, my name is Arthur.

Is this Roundtable Pizza?

Are you trying to place an order for delivery or takeout?

Yes, I need one of the knights of the round to come here and bring me a pizza.

I'm making an order.

I guess they've heard that before.

Asshole.

Fuck you.

Yeah, call back.

Let me do the old lady voice.

Okay.

Oh, shit.

What a dick.

Try to change the number.

I got the ID.

He's yawning at his co-worker, Trina.

If I hear that fucking one more time.

I hate that joke.

Just calling Roundtable Pizza.

The Ohana East.

This is Mike.

Yeah, I need to make an order for a pickup, please.

Okay, you're going to come pick this up at the Ohana East location?

Do you know where we're located?

Yeah, I know where you're located.

My name's Bernice.

Do you have a telephone number we can reach you at?

I sure do.

You ready for it?

I'm ready for it.

All right.

931-378-0482.

All right, I got it.

931-678-

No, no, no, sweetie.

931-378-0482.

378.

Okay, 378-

0482.

And you said Bernice?

Bernice.

Okay.

And what are we getting for you tonight?

You got any specials that I can partake in?

Yeah, yeah.

We got a bunch of different coupons in different publications around town.

What are you looking to get tonight?

Well, it's me and my two grandchildren, and I'm trying to get them fed here.

Their mother just chopped them off.

Okay, one pizza, two pizzas?

I'm thinking probably two pizzas.

Yeah, because I have one.

I can give you a buy one, get one half off.

Ah, that would be a pretty, how many toppings?

Uh, it depends how many you want.

I can do plain cheese, we got specialty pizza, so it's up to you.

Let me do one with, let's see, two toppings and I'll get one on the other.

Okay, what size pizzas did you want?

Uh, mediums.

Okay, so we got one medium, what, pepperoni?

Uh, let me get the pepperoni and sausage.

One medium pepperoni and sausage.

And then the other pizza, you wanted medium, just one topping?

Yeah, ham on the other.

Just ham?

Yeah.

All right.

Okay, let me put that discount on there for you.

So you get one of those half off, okay?

Okay, now do you do a senior citizens?

Well, no, we don't do anything for that, but this discount that you're getting is pretty good.

It's the best discount I can give you.

Okay, appreciate it.

So the total for your two pizzas is $33.77, okay?

Okay, and how long for that?

About 15, 20 minutes.

You're going to come pick this up, correct?

I'm going to come pick it up, and when I get there, is it okay if I inspect the pizza?

Yeah, of course it is.

I've had a bad experience with a couple other places, and they didn't take very good care of it.

Yeah, that's no problem.

I'll show it to you before you.

Okay, and then maybe you'll lube your ass up, and I put it right up your fucking ass.

Yeah, that won't happen.

I'll fuck you with that pizza.

I'll roll it up real good for you.

is. Hey, have a nice life, alright?

Good luck with your mental illness.

I wouldn't know who

farted.

good luck with your mental illness what a prick oh that's another thing i've heard pizza places

will stop by and and pick up stuff for you wait is that what we were talking about at the beginning

i forget we started off with that and then when we're well i mentioned it that my buddy did but

we did we stuck to the taxi thing no you're fine you're fine you're good you're good you're on

point emilio's pizza emilio's gotta hook us up with some shit right that was fucked up buy one

Get one half off, two toppings on one, one on the other, $33 fucking dollars?

Yeah, that was pretty shitty.

I'd go to a fucking Pizza Hut, put as many toppings as I want on that bitch, and it's like $23.

Does Pizza still have any pizza for $10?

Well, it's $11 now, but two fucking large is any amount of toppings for $22 plus tax is fucking good.

Fuck yeah, man.

You can even get the specialty pizzas, yeah.

I haven't had pizza delivery in 10 years.

yeah i eat their uh i put barbecue sauce as my sauce instead of uh tomato sauce the other day

yeah put like their chicken and pineapple jalapeno you know red onion shit like that

was fucking delicious no chicken i can do anything else as above but not the chicken

they started doing meatballs there now too yeah no i had that i had the meat one they're meat

lovers plus the meatballs it came out fucking awesome now have you tried the pizza the pretzel

crust yet not yet because i'm i'm afraid to i've tried yeah but i've tried the buffalo sauce i've

tried the barbecue and i've tried the honey sriracha yeah you said the honey sriracha was

good it was um especially when you get it with like the drizzle but you can also get it as your

crust too but that could be overpowering i love sriracha though i dip my pizza in sriracha

it's like they're they're wings i get their wings and fucking fucking honey sriracha too

oh that's a good idea sounds good all right enough for that let's continue today did we

do emilio's what happened today did we just start talking uh i don't think we did here we go i ain't

gonna try to call that again uh hey guys i'm i'm gonna get going and go to sleep but i'll listen

to the sweet sounds of the show while i sleep the sweet sweet sounds of carly all right man

thanks for being on take no no not of you just of just of dwight oh and definitely not neon just

dwight not neon i like his old lady voice oh yeah it gets me hard it gets you going get you

prepared for those old lady calls yeah yeah that's what it is uh thanks for having me on though yeah

man thanks for being on take care man have a good week bye everyone subway we're running out of

numbers um i don't know neon you want to do one you didn't do many pranks you want to do a subway

anything or i got 7-elevens that's about it no that's okay i'm gonna go in a little bit all

All right.

Maybe I'll just do this and that's it.

I'm getting tired, too.

Thank you for calling Subway.

Thank you.

For Subway catering, please press 1.

To reach the Subway store, please press 2.

Please wait while I connect your call.

I want to eat myself off a naked Subway girl.

Subway, this is Sanis.

How can I help you?

Hi, I'm Paolo.

I want to make an order.

Okay, for what time?

One bread.

What time?

Do you want it?

For now.

Okay, well, it's going to be ready in about five, six minutes.

Okay, fine.

i'll be there what's the problem i'm just letting you know oh okay thank you honey i'm sorry i'm

sorry i didn't what do you want uh one sandwich what kind of bread uh with flour flour bread

and tell me with flour you want white wheat honey or herbs and cheese jalapeno uh just i don't need

any upgrades no no upgrade just bread one bread basic bread so white or wheat the base i don't

want to upgrade to pay more to upgrade to that no don't start just bread okay white white white white

thank you for calling subway for subway catering please please wait while i connect your call

good for her for knowing that though right breaking the business you're not gonna help

you yes i like to make an order i'm sorry i figured it out one white bread sandwich

No.

Hi, I have a Samsung phone, too.

I love it.

I want a sandwich with white bread.

I'm making an order.

Okay, foot long or six inch?

Foot long.

What kind of meat?

One meat.

What kind?

The salted meat.

I'll have salt.

Cold.

Cold meat.

She's not.

You know what?

She's not.

Whatever it is.

She's too interested in her fucking phone.

I know.

Fucking Samsung.

Okay, I'm done.

done i want to thank everyone who was on with me including neon neon girl hey thank you yeah

motherfucker and you're on saturday nights after dwight right yeah and i totally plugged the patreon

wrong i was like prinkle nation slash patreon and it's the other way around i heard that was funny

stupid we should but hey you know what matter of fact that we can make that work though don't worry

i'll make it work i will we will make that work we will make it work okay and i forgot to tell

people that the the last podcast was updated so yes that too no problems you're getting there

you did pretty good last night actually yeah yeah all right dwight you're on uh when are you

on next tuesday night are you taking a break or what are you gonna be doing uh tuesday yes

tuesday i never took a break you never took a break yeah that's fine i was gone that's good

the hardest working man on the network man that's fucking dwight right there don't fuck with dwight

does a very good job fuels the shows yeah all right by default neon you're the hardest working

woman hey well hey i'm just saying run with it you know trainwreck's a close second oh shit

trainwreck no shit just happened he's got a girlfriend i think he's kind of i think he

lays the pipe down i think that's not what his facebook looks like no i haven't he has a real

facebook a real life facebook i don't know the trainwreck there's like girls asses all over

you're trying too hard buddy i love i love trainwreck he's awesome and he's on never

but anyway dwight dwight you got anything to plug anything going on

yourself no no if you guys go to uh i don't know youtube and uh look for dwight the janitor

and you can look at the shit i've been uploading occasionally it appears on the

front page of the prank call nation site

man you gotta

start getting pranks

up on the YouTube

world

and Brad

he was on earlier

thanks to him

and who else was on

Matt

and his girlfriend

Ida

that was fun also

alright see you guys

goodnight

I'll catch you here

next week

bye

Prank call nation.

Madhouse Radio – 1/25/2015 Show

Calls (54, 2 h 32 min of 4 h 9 min)

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