Shitbird

about what's going on in there heard a lot of bullshit talk i know that much this isn't bullshit

my friend do you know something don't listen what do you know maybe i do and maybe i don't what i

say is they got no business negotiating we're gonna be going back in there with a bullet for

everybody in the yard oh is that right we do it now we do it later later it could be no use right

now wait wait wait wait a minute frank got a lot of angry guys in there black muslims panthers

young lords besides you average anti-social we gotta go in right clean your clocks

Ladies and gentlemen, this is...

Good evening, everybody.

Hip, hip, hip.

I am here, Carlito, the host of Madhouse Radio.

Currently alone at the current moment, currently.

But, um, I'll do some pranks.

I'm sure I'll be joined later by some of my friends.

Unless I don't have any friends today.

This is the Prank Call Show.

And to prove that point, here we go.

To prove that point, here we go.

Now, I'm signing off.

hello yeah hey you got a quart of wood for sale there honey yeah yeah is it seasoned yes nice

what kind of wood machine is it wood machine yeah what kind of wood machine is it made out of

what kind of tree machine i guess is the proper way to say you've been watching the super bowl

uh no i've been watching pornography oh okay and masturbating oh okay uh there's uh ash maple

maple oak it's all hardwood all hardwood okay and they're mostly logs yeah there's a bunch to

be split that would need to be split how hard is it i don't know can you just try saying about how

how hard it is is it very hard the wood is this a joke no i just i want to hear can you say that

that it's very hard and you mentioned getting i don't think i want to talk to you you mentioned

getting split up you can call again when you're sober are you married

yes hey i'm sober now i'm sober okay yeah so what are you doing it's late you go to bed now

me bye all right bye how about that super bowl huh how about that ladies goddamn motherfuckers

one poor seahawks poor poor seahawk machines should be calling seattle is what it is we'll

start off calling phoenix arizona where the super bowl was being held actually was being held in

glendale arizona but as i said let's call by the sss right that's the last number oh come on

well stop calling her i'm not trying to harass this lady i'm on computer you can do it on a

copying let me just type it in i'm having copy paste problems and this lady's gonna kill me for

calling her repeatedly every second she was being cool about it when the shit don't work like i want

to live and you learn so anyway i hope you guys are doing well tonight my website aren't there

already is madhouse live.com madhouse live.com madhouse live.com over there i have a podcast

That you can subscribe to.

There's downloads that you can perform of prank calls, shows, some videos, some YouTube machines there that you should definitely check out.

Definitely go do that.

You can watch me on video right now if you're not already.

You can go to madhouselive.com and there's a YouTube player there showing me live.

Or you can just go to my YouTube channel, which is Madhouse Radio on YouTube, the YouTube computers.

subscribe to my channel while you're there and you can watch me doing the show live with no music

the music is muted on youtube you can only get that if you listen to the show i'm also in the

tiny chat room that's tinychat.com slash prank call nation broadcasting there believe the music

does work music and video in real time works in tiny chat i think that's that's that's the most

complete experience technically would be if you're in tiny chat while you're chatting in irc that's

It's our chat room, our IRC chat room, which you can access by going to prankcallnation.com

and subscribe to the chat, well, enabling the chat room there, joining the chat room,

subscribe, you know, subscribe to a chat room.

That's ridiculous.

It's like a really, really slow chat room.

Okay, pardon me.

Let's get back to it.

We're back in Arizona, triple T-Mobile home park.

I would think there'd be a copyright issue with that one, but I guess not.

uh i mean what i gotta find is where the fucking stadium is stadium az i found the stadium machine

let's see what's around here oh lots of hotels oh yeah now we're cooking here's a place right

there called pizza az do they have a phone number no what about red dog no i guess you can't call

the concessions directly that sucks cross the street we do have hotel machines as well as a

glendale media center probably closed but here's the hotel renaissance which is like right there

let's see what happens it keeps copying the old fucking number what it is is i have a mouse sharing

application um called synergy i've actually played for it paid for a license of the pro version of

because i love it but every once in a while a windows update comes and it breaks it and it

looks like that's what's going on here again pisses me off it messes with the copy paste

across the machine sometimes it messes with certain key presses that was great when i couldn't type

anything in capital on the laptop but i could on my regular computer oh it sucked when i could use

a kvm switch machine to switch between but it's just a pain in the ass to touch a button but in

In the meantime, I can't copy-paste.

It usually resolves itself, however.

For the first call, and it stopped.

Are you calling the Renaissance Hotel in Spine, Glendale?

How may I direct your call?

Yeah, hi.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

Hello, how can I help you?

I'm in the elevator.

Are you stuck in the elevator?

Well, it stopped running.

Here, I just turned the music off.

It stopped running.

Okay.

It stopped running, so I climbed onto it.

What floor are you on?

Well, here's what happened. I took out the ceiling tiles and I crawled up on top of the elevator. And now it's so it doesn't say inside here inside the turbo shaft what between what decks I'm on. So I don't know.

Are you a guest in the hotel?

I'm not registered, but I met a guy last night at a party,

and he said that I could stay in his room,

and we had, like, a lot of sex last night and stuff.

Okay, you know what?

You need to get back down into the elevator, okay,

because it's the safest place for you right now,

and I'll send somebody out there to help you.

Can you make the elevator go up?

Which elevator are you in?

It should have a number on it.

Can you tell me what elevator number you are?

Yeah, yeah, I could.

I like this.

I like it up here.

It's nice.

Okay, do you know what elevator number you are?

I have no idea.

Okay, are you closest to the lobby or to the coffee shop and the other end of the hotel?

Well, I'm actually, I'm in the toilet.

You're in the toilet?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, so you're not in the elevator at all?

I'm in the toilet.

Okay.

Yeah.

So what do you need from me?

Well, I don't like the toilet.

Good to go.

can you make it stop fucking elevator shit i'm thinking there's a lot of security around the

super bowl maybe i shouldn't be calling it's not even let me move away from where the super bowl's

being held before i hear a story about the hotel where the media is staying for the super bowl was

evacuated immediately after each reports of a man stuck in an elevator shaft stories reported there

was no man in the elevator shaft no ties of terrorism are suspected as of yet the hotel

has resumed operations that'll be what the story is if i'm not careful so let's not do that okay

all right next i'm gonna call in seattle where they lost like a motherfucker there's a i was

actually zoomed in on compton in la there was a foam factory i wonder what that's like yeah we

make foam here motherfucker we'll make some gangsta foam let's go i have found the best place

to start looking on the map for places to calls where the most action is happening so we

concentrating on seattle tacoma international also known as sea tack let's have a look at

who can we call who'd be who'd be definitely be up right now and would be angry upset i don't know

other than just calling random plate random people that live here i'm looking i'm looking

hang on i see a bunch of ends here let's look up sports bars where they were probably holding

holding vigils here's a place called tailgaters oh no look okay now here computer listen google

maps you're starting to piss me off sports bar in seattle washington i'm sorry guys i'm a little

out of it i actually had beer today i don't really drink beer that much more that much like i used to

um but i had a few during the show during the during the game it really is a show isn't it

during the game i had a few and i'll tell you it's in my head a little bit all right this is

sluggers which is a baseball focused one let's try them still not copy pasting motherfucker i'm

still not typing stuff right still not putting it in the right box it's gonna be one of those

nights guys that's where i end up opening the phone lines early so i can just chill while

everyone else pranks on the show i do that sometimes i know you guys have noticed if i

I'm having a bad night.

I'm like, Dwight, don't let Dwight steer the ship tonight.

I ain't into this.

Baseball.

That's why we're not answering.

They got a sports bar with a dueling piano show called 88 Keys.

You know who's probably upset now is Big Baby Baz.

He's probably going to slap his wife tonight.

He's probably going to threaten her with his shoe or his belt.

Won't actually hit her, but just kind of like take it off.

And be like, hey, hey, you want it?

You want it?

Baz with his wife.

And she's like, no, you don't do that.

I call police.

You abuse me.

No.

Shit.

That's fucked up.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Baz, if you're ever listening to that.

Well, this is a joke.

Hey, and a great good afternoon.

Thanks for calling us here at 88 Keys.

Fuck you, computers.

Wow.

Was there really no bar holding a watching party for these fuckers?

I think they make bank with that.

All right, this copy-paste thing is pissing me off.

Let me shut down Synergy and start it up again.

Hang on.

Maybe that'll fix it.

Thing is, I got to do it on both fucking machines.

I'll stop it on the server.

Number one, disconnected, started, watch log status, okay, has connected, okay, we'll close that.

Looks like I might have copied a number, hang on, let's see.

I'll be damned, it did.

Alright, cool.

I think that worked.

Shut up, computers.

No, bitch, now it's working.

Now I know what to do, that's my trick.

It's obviously a synergy problem.

Yeah, hey, were you, you guys were holding a watch party, right?

For the game?

Um, yeah, so, you guys suck, huh?

You guys suck, bitch.

Yeah, not as bad as you suck cocks for fucking Patriots.

Yeah, well, I'm a big-time Patriots fan.

Not happy!

Did you hear him like, yes?

Look, you think he's had a few already calling him saying that shit?

Damn.

I call him back.

I'm sorry.

That wasn't nice of me.

Or you.

Yeah, Seahawks.

Can I help you?

The Seahawks sucked pretty bad today.

They fucked up.

Did you get a life?

They tried to cheat, too.

Did you see at the end?

If you have nothing else to do but call up a bar in Seattle, you should probably go get laid.

They started a fight, and they're like,

Like, hey, we're thugs.

We're thugs.

Yes, hi, I'd like to make an order.

I'd like to make an order.

You have to come in for an order.

Why?

A bunch of picking.

Oh, well, we have a lot of Seahawks effeminate fans like you

pulling fire alarms at our place.

Well, you should probably get a life and maybe go get some pussy

because if you have nothing else to do besides call a Seahawks bar,

then you probably get no pussy for the rest of your life.

Did you hear the way he said, mmm?

Yeah, he's totally straight, guys.

Hang on, hang on.

Let me copy a pause to that.

That's a good one to keep.

It's got to be called tonight.

Dwight, get your ass on the line.

Have some fun with that.

Sports break calls.

Yeah!

Because, man, man.

Okay.

Okay, there's an Irish pub.

I don't think they be in the sports.

It's a soccer, hockey, football, whatever they call it.

If you don't have anything better to do than to call a Seahawks bar,

that means you're not getting puffy.

You're so not getting puffy.

Marion, a strict barritarian, a sick pair of merry men.

The beat is like a swift kick in the rear end.

The stiff made her lose the lipstick and hairpin.

He said, jam.

Fuck you, no man.

Hi, thanks for calling Seattle Buffalo Wild Wings, your sports side course.

Mackenzie, how can I help you?

Hey, how you doing, slut?

Were you guys holding, you guys were holding, doing a watch party, right?

Um, yeah, we had a bunch of people.

I mean, our restaurant was full watching it, yeah.

Okay, were they pretty upset then?

Um, I mean, yeah, people left sad.

Yeah?

Yeah, because you guys suck so bad, you know?

Suck your dicks.

I'm not a fan, so I'm from California.

I don't really give a shit.

I don't really care.

You don't really give a shit?

I don't care too much.

How big is your labia?

It's loud.

All right, let me take a look at Skype, see if anyone is wanting to join me.

Jack TV says I should probably go get laid.

Thank you.

Dashy sends a number.

Thank you

Alright good we got Jack TV to join

I can dial in more people

Jack Television

Answer the phone Jack Television

What's good with it

I'm good how are you

Pretty good

Very nice

already laughing at your man you're pretty funny 10 out of 10 will you talk to that uh

buffalo wildlings see what's up oh yeah she fucking hung up on carlito you're right

she sounded like she had a big vagina i'm pretty sure yeah you could tell i'll say you can tell

thank you for calling seattle buffalo wildlings your sports headquarters mackenzie how can i

help you hey mackenzie how are you doing sweetheart good how are you doing i'm doing

pretty shitty actually you know probably the same feeling that you're feeling right now

I didn't even get to ask how big it was

Damn

How about I call the guy before

The place that's like

The place

That guy was pissed

I'm going to change the caller ID while I'm at it

The place is called Fuel

Fuel

Sorry I'm just sending the caller ID

No problem

Is Dwight around?

Dwight hasn't answered me

They did ask him

We shall see

Alright here's the place before

See if they react to you

With a new color ID

Yeah

This is Seahawks

Yeah

Yep Seahawks

Hi thank you for calling

Seattle Buffalo Wild Wings

Your sports headquarters

This is McKenzie

How can I help you?

Hey McKenzie

How big is your pussy lips?

Hello?

Sorry I don't know

What I'm doing

No problem

At least I got to ask her

Yeah, I'm having technical difficulties with the mouse over here.

Synergy, right?

Yeah, Synergy's giving me trouble.

Yeah.

Have you tried it? Do you use it?

No, I'm too lazy to set it up right now.

My monitor isn't even plugged into the hard drive.

The hard drive, yeah?

Yeah.

I need to do it once.

You should download it.

Download a new hard drive.

Yeah.

There we go.

I think that was user error in my point.

Fuel.

Hello?

Yeah, Fuel.

Hey, Fuel, I just wanted to say, ha-ha, you guys suck.

Your team's pussy.

You know what?

If you got nothing better to do than call a bar like this,

you should probably go out and try and find some...

Hey, you said the same things over and over again.

...or you probably can't get laid.

But regardless, dude, if you have nothing better to do in your life

than call up a call-up because you jack off ten times a day.

Actually, I've only done it twice today, so...

I think the place handed out...

A pre-filled out response

In case they lost

And he's just reading it by the phone

Each time someone calls

Yeah,

Yeah, hi, I'm dripping in pussy.

Yeah, you are a pussy.

I've got pussy surrounding me like an island.

You should probably go jack off because you don't get any pussy.

That's why you're wasting time.

so settle instead of celebrating your victory you're actually calling a bar in seattle dude

you should go out and fucking find some oh no no i'm no no i'm man i'm just gonna say i'm

fucking this guy here with me on the phone damn we're celebrating yeah you don't be you don't

gotta get pussy to get laid you know yeah come on yeah there's man pussy yeah all right there's

It's a place called Garage, which is a retro bowling and billiards with bar food.

95 Slide.

It looks fancy, but they say they're a sports bar.

Okay, I'll bite.

And the number ends in 666.

Hold this.

Dark Stranger says she may join us later.

Nice.

Let me see what Dash is saying.

I love that clip.

A dude named Jerry.

He's an actor, I guess.

He's listed on IMDB.

A douchebag.

that is a douchebag that is complaining on twitter about his cadillac not having a spare tire

made a huge deal out of it has the douchiest imdb page ever okay all right well we got numbers for

the guy let's try him all right his name again is jerry jerry yeah like german jerry i'm not here

right now go ahead and leave me a message and i'll get back to you bullshit jerry bullshit

you picked it up you heard the music i didn't say hi last shot he ain't gonna pull all right

we do have a second number for him we'll give that a shot yeah i don't know dude like the last

i was on giant show friday uh dwight show last night neon show last night and i barely did it

like i just wasn't into it i don't know what's up with me i'm just like oh you're just getting

burnt out a little yeah a little bit sometimes it helps to take a few days off yeah i've been

been on a good streak recently like i was like eh whatever but then i did a show wednesday and

then thursday and then a small one yesterday so i was like damn gotcha i gotcha it sucks

ajaya didn't he did not record the show he did friday oh really it looks like it's been lost

yeah unless someone happened to have recorded it as it was happening yeah it's lost forever

that yoga thing right i only caught a little bit of it yeah well dude the yoga with the

The yelling and the stuff, and then the call I had was so good.

Damn it.

Typical.

It was always about me.

Hello?

Yeah, hey, how you doing?

Is that Jerry?

Yeah.

Yeah, what you doing there, buddy?

Good.

I like to...

Do you need a spare tire for the Cadillac?

Because I can give you one.

I'm at the dealership.

I'm at the dealer.

Hello?

Hey.

Hey, what's up?

He's calling Jerry's father, not me.

I'm calling Joseph Phoney.

Jerry's father.

Oh, Jerry's father.

You're the father, huh?

Okay, so you raised Jerry to be like a girl?

You raised him like a girl?

Hello?

Hey, motherfucker, you.

Hey, what do you want, buddy?

You raised Jerry like a girl.

Like a girl, you raised him.

Yeah, what the fuck do you want?

You didn't teach him anything like a man.

You taught him to do girl things.

Like, he sits down when he goes pee-pee.

You know that?

Huh? Huh?

Motherfucker, fuck that guy.

Actually, what we found was that...

Can you mute yourself for a second, Jag?

Jag, I'm trying to see if the hissing

is coming from you. Sure.

Or if it's me. You're muted now?

Okay. Alright, hang on. I'm going to hang up on you and see.

Hang on. I'm calling you back.

It is Jag. Jag

has a hiss. Ooh.

How do I call people back on Skype?

I know. Hola.

You had a hiss, but it's gone now. Huh. Okay.

Yeah. Good shit.

Skype shit. Alright, and we have one

last number for this guy, Jerry.

Unless you want to talk to his dad. You want to try talking to his dad?

Yeah, we'll give it a shot.

Alright, whatever.

Here's the last number for this Jerry, dude.

Let me put this on vibrate.

Done with him. At least we got his dad.

I'm going to have to learn

how to use Dashy's tool. Do you know how to use it?

He doesn't like me on it

for some reason. I don't know.

I asked him if I could be on it. He's like, no.

I was like, okay. Beef. Yes, I don't know.

Well, Dwight usually goes in there for me.

He's not. I have him in front of me.

I think Facebookers answer.

I think rather that they work.

That's my life motto.

We'll take that.

All right, so the tool.

Okay, his Craigslist still is broken.

That's right.

Dwight told me he gets them himself.

Okay, anyway, here's UK Wankers.

Let's see if we can get that to work.

I know what I need.

I need spinach.

Spinach, Jag, spinach.

Spinach.

Popeye will save the day.

Steven said he sent you numbers.

Steven Aspinwall.

Yeah.

Oh, all right.

Well, I didn't get any.

He said he sent us both.

All right, I'll check.

Liar.

I think he sent me one or two.

So, yes, we have that going for us.

I'll check and see if I have any carding numbers.

You wanker, I'm calling you back.

It's a web service company.

Look at that.

Here's Phillip Parker.

I'm going to burn through these and end the show.

Psych.

You back yet, Jack?

You got a share or something?

Yeah, I'm getting those numbers.

I only got two.

Cardings.

Welcome to voicemail.

Alright, trying the carding.

Now, these cardings, apparently, they didn't leave voicemails, but they did call.

Right, and then that one texted saying, like, hi, I just got the note.

Dash, you sent the note.

If you have a few more, I'm going to send them.

Oh, and your name's Bobby.

Alright, moving on to the text one.

My name is Bobby.

You called me back about that.

I'm sorry.

I just, I had gotten really angry and upset at somebody.

And I just had to take it out on something, you know?

yeah did you see the damage okay where is it i was trying to figure out where you knocked it

oh you're at the car now can i know oh that sucks yeah um where the gas tank is i pried it open

and then i put the inside of a flashlight where the gasoline goes and i fucked it so

hang on the gas tank i ripped i ripped the shit off of it so we'll open i forced it open

all right on the on the left side of the car i don't know what side it was i don't remember i

was it's really fast i had to do it while no one was looking hang on i'm gonna so you sit

where the gas tank is okay and then what did you do to the gas tank um i ripped open the door

to it you know yeah and then i took off the cap to the gas tank and um so what i did was i i wrapped

wrapped i wrapped foam like i like the inside of a pillow you know um i made a cylinder out of one

of those but with so it had like a circle like a hole in the middle like a donut and then i put a

target bag all around that and then i put lubrication ky lubrication on the bag and are

you sure you didn't put the thing on the wrong car no no because i i slipped that into the into

to your gas tank and then so basically i made like a car pussy and then i put my my hard dick in it

and i fucked it for a while and i came inside the gas tank like actually ejaculated inside the gas

tank uh-huh yeah okay and the car the car was the car got really sad and it was like

like that like it was honking really sad

uh-huh yeah yeah well my car has been on the shop so it's apparently fine well that's that's

where i raped it uh-huh yeah i had sex with your car okay all right so will you let me know if the

car has a baby no what will you let me know if a car at the call the car has a baby okay you will

just let me know if the car has a baby that's all okay okay pretty sure that's mechanically

really impossible but that's fun well i'm i hope the mechanics probably want to use a rape kit on

the car to get mine because i didn't use a condom on the car i i was you know i had sex with it

without protection okay whatever okay but it felt really good felt really good okay good for you

like i walked by the car first i was like hey so you want this you want this you know and i was

like doing my hips back and forth like like that and your car looked nervous and then i was like

like oh you want it yeah i was yeah i was like you know you know like a crazy arab guy in an

arabic country sees a woman and just takes her yeah because your car has a nice sexy bumper

nice sexy ass on it okay okay whatever all right well i'm sorry it happened and i guess if the car

is the car's pregnant then i guess we'll be we'll get to know each other i guess you know you'll be

be my mother-in-law i'll call your mom okay okay all right honey see you later

that was awesome whatever dude i don't know raping cars i'm trying i'm trying to play shit

dude i heard it's the best sex you know go get some pussy go get a gasket put all that shit i

said in the gas tank and just rape a car sad horn sad horn all right here's another uk wanker

Let's see if we can get one of these guys to pick up.

Oh, the spinach is kicking in already.

Oh, nice.

Told you.

UK wankers.

I'm wankers.

Never pick up from me anymore.

Damn it.

Hey, how you doing?

Hello?

Yeah, hey.

I want to let you know that the Patriots won the Super Bowl.

That took them a while.

All right, I'll call out of the back.

If you pick something, you can have it, Jack.

I just got a text from that number.

wait a minute dot dot dot is this a joke

definitely not

nope

I will let him sleep let him sleep

what I was going to share with you mister

is that uh alright

what I realized is like

85% of the shit that I do while I'm

doing a live show that I'm occupied

with doing is copy and pasting

the number that i'm gonna call and uh and uh starting and stopping my music and then i realized

i have this gaming mouse that i've never programmed oh there you go it's like i i programmed the

buttons to do that you know start stop the music go to the next track and then ctrl c and then

ctrl v plus enter and it's actually i'm like i'm using it tonight for the first time and

my mind is blown i'm so i'm so chill right now yes i highly recommend this to anyone who does

Just doing prank calls.

Let's get a programmable mouse to do the copy.

I need to try that.

I have a programmable mouse, but I don't use the buttons on it.

What's the point?

Dwight's calling.

Hey.

Adam with the group call here.

Hey.

Fuck snow.

Why? What happened?

I just spent the last hour trying to get out of my fucking driveway.

The fucking snow.

I spent an hour trying to go 20 feet.

It's just going to get worse.

Well, it's because I'm lazy.

I don't want to shovel it, so I just get my big fucking car and I try to run tracks.

I mean, obviously.

Oh, you told me about that.

Doesn't it make ice, though, dude?

I don't know, but I made it.

I went to the store.

Damn.

I'm going to have to shovel the rest of it tomorrow.

All right.

Now I'll get you some numbers.

All right, yes.

Dash has got me some in the meantime.

We're going to start those.

Here's Polo Boy Tay, who on Facebook said for everyone to text him.

Again, that's a polo boy too

He thinks he's Kanye West or something

No, fuck you, man

Don't fuck me

Please leave your message for 816

Bitch

all right here's bobby female i.e lost dog

lost dog forest app

please share this pic she ran off some time through the night

okay cool is that you the other day jag that did the one where you dogs i found your dog

No, I think that was Dwight.

But I joined in on that.

Didn't they save me at Walmart or some shit?

Yeah.

Please leave your message for 8-1.

Dwight, did you hear what I was just telling Jag about my program, Mobile Miles?

Yes, I did.

That's a good idea.

Please leave your message for 8-1.

Damn these people.

All right.

There's a different number that she left, though.

She's local.

Yeah, I can't break that rule.

Never mind.

Here's Ross, who has a 74 Nova.

Nice.

with 1600 miles on it come on what a 74 that's got to be a typo if that is that car is new still

it's a white uh 74 nova yeah it is i mean it looks like it's in really good condition but

let's find out shit i just gotta get i keep trying to do the old way with the keyboard and

i'm like oh no no like i realize my problem yeah but when i do it right it's really fast

Like I can stop the music on the fly now, like this, or this.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

8-1-2-7-1.

That was a pretty crazy ending to that game, huh, Carlito?

Oh, my God, right? Yeah.

Poor Baz, man. Poor Baz Machine.

I told him they were going to lose.

Did you hear the Seahawks bar that we called?

No.

I'll put you in line with them. They're really butthurt.

That's all you need to know, man.

That place ain't answering, but anyway.

anyway i don't even want to swing more all right joy you take this one if they answer

just tell them seahawks suck or some kind of iteration of that yeah how you doing you got

room for a table of three tonight i'm trying to see if you got room if is it too packed in there

or what um no it's not very packed at all but we are gonna close in about an hour why is that

because the seahawks fucking suck you're funny they fucking blow just like you bitch okay have

a great night yeah you too don't try not to suck any cock on your way out oh yeah that's a good

movie clerks that's what you were referencing no i've never seen that movie oh my god well

you got to now for that try to suck any dicks on your way into the car whatever she says

i saw an episode of tosh.0 he was doing one of his things and

these chicks were walking by he's like get off the grass slots try not to suck any dick today

anyway there was there was a guy there got real well there was two dudes there they got

pretty upset at me and then jack yeah it hurt my feelings because we don't get any pussy

yeah you got no love can i help you yeah hey i'm drowning in pussy because i'm a patriots fan

Man, aren't you jealous?

I hope you have a really great night.

I'm going to watch Two Girls Scissor tonight.

You're going to miss it.

Aw, I want to talk to the dude.

I'm going to dress my girlfriend up as a Seahawks fan.

Make her suck my dick because that's what the Seahawks did.

I sucked her dick.

Dude, you can't say that, though.

Like, Baz is going to be real pissed off.

All right, look.

Here's a new 2014 Belmont Tilt Utility Trailer.

I don't know what to do with that.

Let's find out what we can.

Man, that lady, you've been drinking, haven't you?

You've been watching the Super Bowl.

No, I've been masturbating.

You've been watching porn.

Porn?

What the hell?

I'm like, oh.

She's like, oh, okay.

Yeah, hey, how you doing?

Hello?

Hey, how you doing?

Hey, hip, hip, how you doing?

You got a trailer.

What?

Bullshit, right?

Bullshit.

Right.

Don't forget, we got video over at my YouTube channel,

youtube.com slash madhouseradio.

It's also at madhouselive.com.

Oh, hey, we got that trailer.

Oh, stupid faggot.

We'll continue the show in a second.

Right now, I'm going to have a sip of my soda.

Nice.

Same.

The only time every week I drink soda is when I'm alive.

When you're alive?

When I'm live on the air.

Oh, so you said when I'm alive.

Yeah.

I was like, oh.

When it's one of my shows.

Yeah, if it wasn't.

I'm on everyone else's show.

George sending an interesting picture of a clown, fat clown guy naked from the neck down.

Okay.

thank you that's the irc chat room if you'd like to see fat clowns naked from the neck down

head on over to prank call nation.com slash chat ken's there now ken what's what's the street beat

in the chat room you know what's going on oh i don't know i was out looking at i know george's

probably jerking his dick right yeah new news probably yelling at us about doing uk calls

right and uh bob vance is smoking peyote check check check okay all right moving on we didn't

get an answer from the guy with the chevy nova so we'll do andrea chevon uh that's a stupid name

andrea do you want a team that supports you trains you mentors and guides you join my team today the

fuck team is it not only will you get to be a part of changing lives you will make extra money

We guide you every step

Woo

Alright let's find out

What kind of team is this

Until I'm making a roller derby team

I want her to be on

That'll teach me

That'll teach her to offer up

Random teaming

Battery's down to 15

Hello

Yeah how you doing buddy

Hello

Hey

Andrea

Yeah

Who is this

Yeah hey this is Cross

You're doing the team

Right team stuff

What team are you talking about

Well I'm organizing

We have a team here

That we got going

and we need help with a mentor someone a guy join the team you can join us you know uh-huh yeah make

us stronger so that we have success we integrate we deal with our synergy we you know multiple uh

out of every member is one there's no i in the team we teach that you know we believe in that

uh-huh yeah we don't leave yeah we don't leave a brother behind we teach that also you know we

We came here to win.

We don't quit.

We go all the way, right?

Yeah, what company do you work for?

I work for United Team Machines.

Okay, and what are you wanting from me?

To join the team.

We'll pay you to join the team.

Yeah, I'm not going to be interested.

Thank you.

Well, come on.

It's a pornography team.

Oh, bitch motherfucker.

Nice company name.

United Team Machines.

I can always sneak United and Machines into a company name,

and it always just gets by yes man i missed the website united business machines i wish tristan

was around come on tristan come back thank you for calling heavenly pet grooming and kennel

she's a pet groomer aka team builder who will change your life please please right please

all right ryan out and about call or text any of you want this fuck is he doing out and about

motherfucker let me uh let me share well i should give you his youtube his facebook so you know

what's going on see there i am again doing the normal way of copy pasting instead of my speedy

way it's gonna it's just years and years of doing it that way oh yeah i gotta get over it but

anyway yeah yeah yeah yeah anyway ryan santo and he's got what i said what did i say he's got he

said he's out he's out in a fucking bow out in a bow he's sniffing you know the glory holes in

in town seeing what the action is yeah you must know if you need your driveway done that's all

the way the right number stalker the fucker that's the wrong number hang on come on loose

you can do this loose dude i was just remembering high school football today for some reason

dumb shit we used to do we used to send someone to watch the snap count that the other team did

during practice so we could cheat not cheat but we're just getting their snap count style yeah

strategy we had a black reached the voicemail box of it's funny was it last night i heard uh

was someone being called boogie last night was that fright yeah that's the asshole with the

washing machine yeah we had uh we had a receiver skinny black kid fast as fuck so spindly like

yeah but uh we called him boogie like out of chris rock no we call him pookie yeah no his his

His older brother was Pookie because he looked like Pookie from Chris Rock's

Pookie character from, what was that, 21?

Not 21.

What was it?

New Jack Hustler, I guess, right?

And then we called him Boogie.

And he used to eat green fucking, like, we'd be in an opposing team stadium,

like, down at New Smyrna Beach or Daytona Beach and shit.

And he would eat shit, like, to get pumped up.

Like, one time he ate, like, a green fucking nasty bug that was on the

The floor, this nasty fucking locker room.

Females locker room because it was a females locker room

because the visiting team goes to the females locker room to get ready.

Oh, man.

That's funny.

Yeah.

I was like, what's wrong with you, dude?

I used to make fun of him all the time.

I remember once around the summer, we were having two-a-days.

Well, right before school started.

And on a Friday, we'd always get something extra.

We'd actually get Powerade instead of water at the end of the practice.

some shit and this time they brought in like all these watermelons and cut them up and

boogie was out there cleaning the fucking rinds i mean cleaning them and we had a fucking table

full of chopped up fucking watermelon like just chopped they kept this came out there with a

machete just chopped the motherfuckers up and we're like dude we're like boogie boogie man

there's more there's more there's more you're feeding into the uh stereotype buddy come on

yeah it was yeah really yeah it's like down on the white of the rind man like sucking on that

juice it's like dude just grab another i don't even like watermelon it's it's just a pain in

the ass especially if it has the seeds you know i'm saying fuck that did we call ryan i haven't

bullshitted this yeah we got voicemail on all right we'll try is that the guy who's down about

yep sniffing around you wonder what that guy's doing actually i heard he joined the marines

Ryan hello hey uh you you're gonna do the driveways yeah yeah it's Dwight and I want you

to do the driveway who's this it's Dwight nobody ever every time first time nobody can understand

my name I'm friends with Lauren oh up in uh Inway City yeah no your girlfriend Lauren yeah

who's this this is Dwight I don't know who that is I know I just said I'm friends with your

girlfriend lauren jesus okay yeah i need the driveway done where is that i'm over here on

the horse machine ranch road where yeah over the new development horse machine ranch road

i will text me uh address okay are you gonna bring lauren with you so maybe i can uh rub

some lotion on her feet and then eat her pussy i guess not he didn't like that he didn't like

that at all i think it was the lotion thing i think he's been all right with the pussy

reached the voicemail box of yeah that fucking girl from last night i was like yeah you ever

put that washing machine on spin cycle and sit on it and vibrate your pussy and

there's that fucking guy called here just going ape shit in the background she was not fucking

happy yeah yeah dude i'm sorry like i don't know why i was like that last time like i wasn't like

i was just like half playing a game and the other half was like i don't have the prank juice i'm

i'm good now actually i feel good now i have my strength oh he had that crazy mexican who

started doing the redneck voice and he wouldn't hang up the fucking phone

i got up made a sandwich came back and fuckers just finally hung up like hang up the phone

motherfucker and he's like i will quit saying stuff and i'll hang it up

he thought he was fucking up the prank call and he's like telling everybody like see i'm

fucking it up for you it's like no you're not i just kept analyzing like i was being mean to him

like i was like what do you mean by that like whatever he said something or like once did his

his friend in the background laugh and i was like why is she laughing what's so funny about that

that's what i do whatever anyway i wanted to mention there's is there anyone in our tiny

chat does anyone want to go on tiny chat is usually we usually have a crowd in the tiny chat

oh we do aussie jackson look at the aussie jack i see his glasses

This is...

I need some new frames, man.

Oh, man.

Yeah, but more people can cam up there with us

and hang out.

You guys can...

I don't really get...

There's way too much going on

for me to interact with you there.

You can see me doing my thing.

The music's in there also.

And you can interact with everyone else

and cam up also.

I think it's fun.

I feel like being on camera.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jack, I'm really digging your talking time.

Thanks.

Yeah, it's on my list of...

My main playlist that I use on YouTube

too with my my blogs like yeah yeah i'm just uploading the old ones so and then once they're

all uploaded i'm gonna start making new ones i think let me think look what i watch every day

i watch all the pc and host channels are in my my list i see um boyfriend versus girlfriend i see

them they're good the shatards are in there but i every once in a while i can only take so much

of a cute family i liked him better when he was fat and had a beard yeah right you know he was

less douchey yeah well he he shaves it every time this year for the family photo that's why he does

yeah um the one that's in his ancillary year all year um let's do a fucking watch i see all the

vice like vice comes through anything on vice i watch every day ctfxc i still watch not as much

maybe once a month once a week i might watch it i think that's you uh some prankers like roman

elevator video. Roman Atwood,

Vitaly, see there's... Oh, yeah.

Dude, I was so pissed.

I was at a place called Rule 3 yesterday,

which is a bowling alley. I saw

on one of his vlogs he was there around

the same time I was, but we just

missed each other. Vitaly or

Roman? Roman. Roman Atwood.

Vitaly's in Miami, I think, right? Yeah.

Roman's out there in California.

Where are you? Where are you? Oh, you don't have to tell me.

I'm sorry. It's kind of private. Oh, no, no, no.

It's fine. I'm in Columbus. Columbus?

Okay. Anyway.

Enough blog gossip talk.

Did you see that video?

The elevator video?

Yes, I did.

Thank you.

Me and my wife watched it today.

We had a good time laughing at it.

It was fun.

I threw it together and I started watching it after I'd already put it on YouTube.

I'm like, dude, it almost fucking lines up with the dings and shit.

Like the elevator was stopping.

I'm like, oh, that's sweet.

Yeah, really?

I thought maybe you did that.

I was like, damn, you kind of put some work into that.

Timed it with the music at the beginning and everything.

But cool.

I was going to do the whole Aerosmith loving elevator fucking music video, but I was having

an issue. Eh, you'd probably get a copyright

block at some point. Or it would

just mute the whole thing. It sucks.

Hate it when that happens. Hey, let's

do Prank. Sorry, guys. I'm giving you... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. There we go.

We got a good... Now we got a good crowd in, uh...

in the fuckin', uh...

uh, tiny chat. What's up, guys?

Thanks for being in there. Weepin'

Angel. Bob Vance.

What's up, Bob Vance?

And Sickmore. Is that Gilmore or just some

guy named Sickmore? Is it okay?

that's gil mumbo gil mumbo africa he's playing a song called africa right now his guitar on there

you can watch that maybe even hear it live um going back to dashie who sent us some numbers

i'll wrap those up and we'll move on uh mr dwight dude i woke up at 2 p.m today

mary k independent business owner made in the usa skip the lines at the mall for valentine's day

call me for specialized gifts let me get her name because it's not in the ad uh it's actually not a

name no name just her she made a facebook page yeah dude i got forced to change my name to

carlito cross it wouldn't take carlito pranks anymore that's the only reason i changed it a

few weeks ago and i'm wondering what i'm gonna do once it hits the point where they won't even

take that anymore yikes i think dwight you'll be able to go under the radar this isn't dwight

mcclanahan looks yeah i think so they can't prove that's not my real name exactly carlito

You don't practice because I call you don't practice.

I like that.

It's the side of feel to it, you know?

All right, blah, blah.

Here's the Mary Kay thing.

If any of you want it, shout out.

If not, I'll proceed.

Go for it.

So I usually do it here.

I like that I always have a group effort.

Or let everyone interact as much as possible.

I used to be able to take calls.

Demi Lovato.

Anyway, we used to be able to take calls.

But, A, we got a lot of people.

And then we got a lot of trolls and abuse.

that was the end of an era brought to you by the trolls motherfuckers hello

what kind of name is that i think we beat the spanish already horse show closet what one vest

many different looks hang on i gotta see this size small please pm okay what is going on here

horse show closet so this guy oh it's like like what you would wear to show a horse

a horse show horse show horse if you were the guy or the girl who would ride the horse in the show

wow look at that and she's there in the closet horse all right let's do it jag hang up call

back see if your house goes away let's reset your call yep it gets a little cool i don't yeah yeah

i don't know why it's coming back now you've reached the voicemail of christine delgado

i hear him again not copying the number right paul has been forwarded to an autumn

I saw about

eight Three Stooges shorts

yesterday in a row.

Dang. Let me close some of these browser windows.

Okay. Travis Starbird

has a 94 Chevy

Stepside. Runs great.

187k miles

but doesn't smoke or anything.

Just charge the oil.

i guess he means changed or maybe i just read it wrong because i'm blind and fat and diabetic

with one eye all right here we go all right uh meatwad your brother okay do you guys have any

bright ideas i got numbers about the fire action let me go back to dashie i think he has one or

two more yeah i got an idea dwight has numbers he's about to send you thanks i have a better

Better idea.

Get good calls.

Do a good call.

2000 Acura Integra LS machine.

Automatic.

Do not it.

Women always drive automatics because they're bad at driving and suck at stick shift.

It's a miracle they can move at all in the car.

Your call has been forwarded through automatic voice message system.

Speaking of which, did you guys see the Lindsay Lohan commercial for e-surance?

Pretty funny.

Yeah, she was crashing stuff, not to be a spoiler spoil, but watch it, it's great

And then they also had one with fucking Mr. White from Breaking Bad as a pharmacist, it was really good

Yeah, I saw that

That was a good one

I liked the Snickers one

She was getting all pissed, you know, that she got hit in the nose with a football

wall automatic voice message but it was fucking uh dandy trejo and they were like they're like

marsha eat a snickers because you get angry when you're hungry and uh so like she's like oh that's

better and then at the top of the stairs it's fucking steve busce buscemi or whatever yeah

he's like marsha marsha marsha it's not about you jan he's like it never is he fucking started

started running away i saw the uh jurassic world and terminator genesis ones but there were just

expansions of the trailers which is kind of cool there you could see a few more scenes now

i'm excited for terminator genesis boy i'm telling you what it's looking kind of nice

reboot but they're keeping the story the same they're having uh see i guess a t100 uh arnold

schwarzenegger terminator went back in time into the 60s or 70s and met sarah connor then and

started protecting her then so he's all old now so they get around that problem age yeah i saw the

part where the uh original terminators come he's like i've been waiting for you yeah yeah and i

guess they're gonna have a t-1000 in it too it's quite quite impressive those scenes oh man the

first two so i guess you're just gonna say that the third one was an alternate reality and the

fourth one was an extent a sequel to that alternate reality so there've only really been two terminators

in the real prime story, they say.

Nice way of getting around the fact

that the franchise is just about dead

because they've had two flops in a row.

But this one might do it.

I mean, look at Star Trek.

We'll see what happens with Star Wars.

It's looking exciting, too.

The news out of the camp.

I like how, dude, I read that George Lucas

last month said that Disney has not gone

with any of his ideas for the next three movies,

especially the next one.

They didn't retain anything.

thing it's all on their own and i said to myself okay all right you sold it they didn't have to do

that what are you complaining about dude like come on seriously you sold you know you sold it

because you wanted to get out of the business you're out of the business a b you got a chance

to make three more of them after the first three and they all sucked i think at this point you're

retired with a 500 record just chill let disney take over it yeah let the others take over god's

sick um rant over here we go back to numbers what music is that from that background music

from a game isn't it i don't know if it's from i mean the album i know it's danger doom 2 mf doom

and danger mouse oh that's a donkey kong i think is it a donkey kong too i think so

yeah no um kind of like it i think

i'm thinking a different song all together never mind um okay shiva who says hey guys got mrg i

have changed my mobile whatever mrg is getting merged merg didn't i already try that three

times in a row and i did that too much spinach andrew stein says if anyone needs plowing done

text me do you mind if i offer your virgin ass up to be plowed now do it hello yes hi you're

looking to do some plowing yes okay yes uh how much you charge depends if you're firing the

size of the lot uh he's not that big he's not that big it's the first time though i mean we're

talking a driveway a business parking lot what are we talking uh we're talking my friend's ass

jag jag hello hi how's it going yeah he needs some plowing done okay he said he wants to be

be sure before he commits to this heterosexual

thing. Yeah, that's what I

should have expected for a response.

He really

knew from the beginning. I was like, are we talking

about

some faggot shit?

Oh, it's been four days.

Come on, man.

Don't do that faggot shit.

We have over 200 listeners, no lie,

right now. That's 134

on Mixler. We have

18

for both the PLA

and Madhouse Stream

and it looks like we're in the 60s

for Blue Planet

Prank Radio. Is that 200?

Just about. Yeah, it is 200. It's over 200.

Cool, man.

Not included whoever might just be watching

on YouTube or Tiny Chat and not somewhere

else. Alright.

I'm the best.

Good shit. Alright, we're going to Dwight's

numbers. Hey, Dwight.

Heyo! Alright.

Simon Barrientes

Tres Barrientos

Just built this 8x10 deck

With 3 foot stairs for Ramon

Thank you Ramon

Hope you and your wife enjoy your new deck

For a long time man

What is he bragging about

I built some shit I'm cool

He fancies himself a fucking carpenter

He thinks he's Jesus

These people are going to be frying plantains and shit

On that fucking deck

Disgusting

Yeah is that Simone

Yeah I was just talking to Ramon

I was at his house.

We were looking at that new deck.

Yeah, yeah.

He said it's a piece of shit.

Oh, yeah?

He was complaining about it.

He showed me where the wood wasn't sanded down in a bunch of places.

He showed me that you didn't do any sealing on it.

I told him what he was going to get when we made a deal.

Well, my name is Garcia.

I'm his friend.

Well, you know, I made a deal with him, and I told him what he was getting,

I told him what he was getting, and he was real happy with what he got when I left.

What did you say?

Do you speak English?

Yes.

Oh, can you say it in English now?

I said we discussed what he was getting.

Oh, God.

Oh, God, that accent.

It makes my ears hurt, the accent.

It makes my ears hurt.

It's disgusting.

Can he fry plantains on here?

The what?

Can he fry plantains?

I can't understand what you're talking about.

You know plantains?

Plantain?

No.

It's like a banana, plantain.

No?

What about it?

He wants to fry them.

He likes to fry plantain.

I don't know who you're talking about, Ben.

Ramon.

Whatever.

Stupid waste of time.

What you talking about?

Your accent hurts my ears.

All right.

Tomas checked in at the Hilton on Super Bowl Day.

Dwight, please do this one.

Save us from my calls tonight.

I'll call this motherfucker.

Thanks, buddy.

buddy. Again, this is a check-in.

It appears, correct, Dwight? Yes.

Tomas.

Yeah, you need to fix your

phone. I hear statics.

Okay, how can I help? Oh, Jesus.

I need to be transferred to my brother's room, please.

What was the room number? I don't have the

room number. I'll give you his last name, okay?

Yeah, sure. It's K-R-

A-L-J.

Okay, I will just transfer you now.

Alright, make it happen, fucker.

You're not alone. This is a long

voyage. Yes? Yes,

Yes, is this Tomas?

Yes.

Yes, this is Dwight from the front desk. How are you?

Okay.

I was calling in response to some complaints we have about noise in your room.

In my room?

Yes.

No.

Noise. They said they heard loud yelling and it sounded like sports, sports football going on.

But not in my room.

No, they said your room. Can you verify your room so I can make sure?

What room number are you in?

in what sorry what room are you in three seven three yes that's the room they said you were

you were yelling loud and one neighbor came over and knocked politely on your door and asked you

to keep it down and he said that you were rude and you told him to uh fuck off no this did not

happen no okay because i had a second gentleman from the same room he said he came and knocked

and you you opened your door and he said can you please keep it down and you pulled down your pants

and you wiggled your penis at him and told him to suck on this.

Not really.

Yeah, I know.

You laughing about it just condemns your actions, sir.

Sir, can you explain why you're doing this?

This is a Christian establishment.

We can't have people doing that.

I know you've been drinking, celebrating Super Bowls and stuff like that,

but we can't have this.

Okay, who is this?

This is Dwight.

I'm down here at the front desk.

Oh, yeah, okay.

So do you want to answer to this?

Because I'm going to have to have PD come down and talk to you.

No, I have no time.

Well, I need your side of the story, sir.

or I'm going to have the police department on the way.

Well, I was not in the room, actually.

So I was looking the pro ball down in the bar,

and I'm in the room for half an hour.

Okay, now I'm getting different stories.

Now you were in there, now you weren't in there.

I need a straight answer from you.

What?

I need a straight answer from you.

You say you were in the room, now you weren't in the room,

you were in the bar.

I need a straight answer so I can tell the police department what happened.

I mean, I guess you are joking with me.

I'm not joking with you, all right?

This is not a joking thing.

I don't like calling up people in the middle of the night

and having to get their side of a story

where apparently they were waving their genitalia at our other guests.

No, I was not doing that, and I just know what they're talking about.

Okay, well, what I'm going to do,

because the complainant was able to describe in great detail

what your genitals look like,

Mike, I'm going to bring you down and approximately five other guests,

and I'm going to put you in a penis lineup, and we're going to have them pick you out.

Okay.

So you're going to need to come down to the front desk, leave your pants up in your room,

and come down for the lineup.

Okay.

I still do not know what you're laughing about.

Okay.

Are you here legally, sir?

Are you traveling outside of the country?

No.

Do you have your papers on you?

Yes.

You will need to bring your papers downstairs, sir.

The police department is on their way.

They're going to want to see it.

Okay, I will come down.

You come down.

You come down five minutes, motherfucker.

Okay.

You want the front desk real quick?

Yeah, sure.

All right, here you go.

You remember what room he was in?

Three something.

Oh, shit.

Chat room?

Three tens?

No, there was a two or a seven or a five.

Good evening.

I'm calling the Hilton Western Resort and Spa.

This is Kenny.

Hi, my name is Tomas, and I had a guy call my room just now.

Okay.

Okay. Sorry, which room are you in?

I'm in 373.

And, yes, I believe that, yes, somebody did ask to be transferred to your room.

He told me that you had complained about my room, about loud noise,

and that I had to answer for loud noises.

Okay. Let me try to speak to the manager on duty.

Well, then he told me that somebody came to my door and knocked

And that I waved my penis at them

And I did not, nothing, no one answered my door

Okay, I can just transfer you

To the manager on duty

And they'll be able to help you out

Good day, you have reached the voicemail

For the manager on duty

At the Hilton Whistler Resort and Spot

I'm sorry we are unable to take your call

As we are currently assisting other guests

Around the other line

I was trying to hit zero but I flaked out

Let's try him again if you want

Jboy says I sound like a bench hold

Or maybe he's there already.

Hello, you transferred me.

You transferred and no one answers.

Oh, sorry about that.

Yes, I was supposed to answer it.

Yes.

How can I help you, sir?

Are you the manager?

Because the voicemail, it was a woman.

Yes, sorry.

I'm the manager on duty, yes.

Okay.

My first name is Tomas, and I'm on 373.

And somebody calls my room, and they say Dwight was their name,

and they work at the front desk.

desk and uh he told me that he have complained against my room that i was being too loud i can't

hear you you hear me okay i hear you okay now yes okay hi i call uh i call uh some call someone

called named dwight uh to my room they say they work for you at front desks and he say he have

complaint he have loud noises come from my room and i tell him that's not my room then no noises

has come from my room what did this happen now yes uh like two minutes ago let me double check

with my colleague because we didn't call you from here so i'm guessing it was someone from another

phone okay yeah he said his name was dwight and he said that uh neighbor had complaints and uh he

told me that the neighbor told him working in the hotel oh he told me that the neighbor came over

and knocked on my door and and i told him bad words and nobody knocked on my door and then he

He tells me the neighbor, he come over again, and that I waved my penis at him, and I did not do this.

Yeah, I don't, we don't have anyone at the front desk called White, so no one from the front desk call you.

If you have any further issues, give us a call, and we'll investigate.

I do have issues, because he says he's calling police department, and I would have to come down with my, to do a penis line-up.

He said I should leave my pants in my room and come down, and they were going to identify my penis.

okay so uh is there anyone outside your room right now

outside of my room yes at the door because

the the only thing i can think of is this was a prank call

from someone no there's no there's nobody's outside my door

okay uh so the only thing i can imagine at this point is that

this was a prank call and uh there's unfortunately no way i can know

from where it came from oh there's no way to

the the tracings no unfortunately not i apologize about that

Okay.

Now, do you take care of, like, maintenance issues?

I do have a maintenance on staff.

Do you want to talk to him?

Well, I just need to leave him a note.

You know the ice machines?

Yes.

The ice machines.

I went over by the ice machines, and I was going to stick it to Dwight.

I didn't like his tone.

And I went by the ice machines, and I pulled down my pants, and I pooped.

Sorry, I understand that.

i i uh i pushed my bowels i uh i made uh uh i poopy on the floor by the ice machines

on which which floor was that i mean it's 373 okay let me do you want me to send someone from

housekeeping to take a look at that yeah they need to take a look and then i need uh fresh sheets

because i uh i had to use my sheets because i was out of the toilet paper are you in your room

right now i'm in my room but i'm on the i'm on the toilets oh okay are you not feeling well

what are you not feeling well i i i have bad foods and i uh i have messy drawers okay um so

i'll send housekeeping up and i'll go up with him and we'll we'll take a quick chat okay okay we

will talk when you get here sorry sorry i talk when you get here we talks perfect i'll be right

there okay goodbye goodbyes all right interesting that guy's gonna have an interesting conversation

all right okay i'm going back to the list here where we have karen who has a one

foot squared room did she really put one foot or did you copy that one foot squares rooms okay

no that's that's copied right from the end i couldn't fit my dick in there because it's so

It's so big, it's bigger than the whole thing.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

You got a room there.

Pardon me?

You have a room for Cher?

No, I'm sorry.

Why do you mean sorry?

Yeah, it's not available.

How big was the room, though?

It's very small.

It's only about a 12 by, oh, let's see now.

I think it could be probably around 12 by 12.

Because you put one foot squared in the ad.

Oh, well, I didn't post the ad.

That's ridiculous.

Pardon me?

That's ridiculous.

one foot squared. I couldn't put my dick

in that. You know what? I really don't want

to talk to you. I don't appreciate that kind of

language, and don't call me back anymore.

Thank you. Kanaka.

Alright. I'm calling back. Either

of you can talk to him. Don't call me back.

You call me back

one more time. I'm going to call

I'm sorry.

Is Janice there?

My name is Bernice. I was calling about the

realm. Oh, I love your new

Bernice character. Jake, you still here?

Yeah, I just got back.

He said call back.

No answer, but give me a second.

I'll be right back.

Okay.

I'm back.

Moving down the list.

We've got No Name, who has a $500 room to share available starting today.

Have we heard from Baz yet?

He's probably, like, jerking off using his Tears as Lube right now.

It sucks.

I hate the Pats.

You know, deflation gate aside, I hate the Pats.

Yeah, well, I was hating the Seahawks because Marshawn Lynch was like,

you know what I'm here for.

Shout out to all my real Africans.

Yeah.

He doesn't like TV.

What's up?

He doesn't like TV interviews.

When the Packers lost, my dad was so depressed.

I felt bad.

That was a good game.

Hello?

Yeah.

Yeah, how you doing?

Doing fine.

How you doing?

Well, I'd be doing better if I hadn't just lost a huge bet on the game,

you know, motherfuckers.

Oh, Mark, I'm sorry about that.

Yeah.

Yeah, now I'm just going to masturbate a few times, you know.

You have room for rent?

Room for share?

No, thank you.

Why?

It's because of the masturbation, right?

Yeah.

No, thank you.

He sounded like he could knock that guy out.

Please leave your message for...

David, not there.

He sounds like Chief, doesn't he?

He's a little bit...

I've moved and they found me.

Please leave your message.

All right, he ain't playing no more.

we got big dale big dale big dale with a partial living room for rent that's right can't make this

this shit up anymore man four hundred dollars 200 square feet of partial living room yeah you're

sharing it with six adults oh we have dogs and cats you need the job no drugs no heavy drinkers

no overnighters near the bus stop oh this sounds like a winner this is in is this in uh coconut

on that island? Yep, it should be Hawaii.

Oh, wow. Nice.

What do you want? I'm good.

Your call has been forwarded to an...

I was cracking up. I watched

Jihad's video the other day with you, didn't I?

I only did one fucking take of this.

I find this offensive.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice...

Oh, she gave me the fuck you button there

the second time. Or he.

It. Yeah. It's it.

Let's be fair. It could be an it. Yeah.

Your call has been forwarded to an

automatic voice message.

Alright

Hold on, hold on, hold on

Back to the list of numbers

Where we have Anissa

Who has a $650 studio share

In Tamhadi's share studio

We need Neon for these

Neon says she has a migraine

But she will be joining us shortly

Yay!

Actually, we'll have to take a break

How about we just take that break now, huh?

Yeah

We'll take that break now, we'll come back

We'll do some more calls

all right okay um but before we do that i always like to take a look see what we got coming up

um real quick if you're not already and i've forgotten uh to give out the uh link but you can

help us out over at patreon.com slash prank call nation give us an an aid at least a dollar goes

goes a long way and i get you some goodies from jayad and himself and the rest yeah uh what do

we got coming up next white kind of numbers uh we got more uh uh roommate numbers we got some

free shit from craigslist um along with more facebooker numbers yeah i got a suggestion uh

maybe we need to find them some mcdonald's i have the play place in them and maybe we do the echo

or you're stuck in the fucking play place.

Yeah, there you go.

All right, a free Poi dog.

What's a Poi dog?

I have no idea.

We'll find out when we come back in just a few minutes.

Thank you.

That when you die, they put your GPS in your box

and a trap door at the bottom.

So when you die, you open that trap door at the bottom,

you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

do not let a woman will ever ever make you who you are we're not against rap we're not against

rappers but we are against those thugs so here we are back songs got me kind of feeling kind of

groovy i really want that slushy call that was funny as hell or smoothie smoothie broken english

yeah i know i broke it you know the c word oh i know oh i know the c word you dare use it with

with me i'll get you fired whatever things of this nature that's funny because i don't

fucking work for you let's continue with our show let's get back to them numbers that dwight

and i discussed before we took that break i have located many mcdonald's with play places

thanks to the mcdonald's website they assisted me because they had it uh checked if they had

a play place oh sorry i was waiting for my intro it's about time what's up who was that

Is that Roxy?

What's up, Roxy?

Hey, what's up, Fag TV?

Hey.

So, Neon Jack TV, or Fag TV, as she rudely said.

And Dwight, you're here.

Is that it?

Do we have anyone else?

Yeah, this is the Fag Bowl.

That's my sex name, so it's fine.

What, Fag Bowl?

Winky face.

Yeah, yeah.

It's not Fag TV.

Fag Bowl.

Why don't you pass that bowl over here, Neon?

Nice.

I didn't know you were a cool guy.

a cool fag to you.

Yeah.

All right.

So who was the last

thing to see here?

Ending number seven,

eight.

Big Dale was our last attempt.

Am I right there?

Did we not get a hold of him?

Big Dale?

Yeah.

Did we get a hold of him?

Yeah,

because I think you were,

you wanted the room

and you said you were gonna,

you were masturbating

and he said,

no, thank you.

Okay, that's right.

That's right.

We got Anissa.

You want to do it

because it's a lady

and she ain't gonna want

to rent to us,

Neon, okay?

Hey, wait,

when is she renting?

Talk to your people.

She said,

It's a $650 studio for Cher.

A Cher, like an actual studio apartment, which is insane.

That's too small.

Jesus Christ, God.

Good Lord, heaven.

But that's what it is.

All right.

Do you understand?

Yeah.

Studio apartment?

Okay.

Yeah.

And anybody else who may want to join us tonight, just give me a call on the Skype.

Not anyone else, but anyone else in the know who's in the accepted clique.

The accepted clique.

I think Dark Stranger just called in.

Her name's Anissa?

Anissa?

Or Anissa?

Nissa.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

8-0-8-5-4-8-7.

Hey, dark stranger donkey.

Yeah, when I called, it said curly to pussy.

Oh, of course.

Doing a show.

No love.

Yeah.

Okay, let me move on to the next number.

$450 share.

Cher, nice and quiet.

Her name is Ella.

Got that?

Okay.

And it's Honolulu.

One bedroom for Cher, $450.

Okay.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay?

For Cher?

Like Cher?

Ooh, good one.

I can feel something.

Hello?

Hi, is Ella there?

This is she.

Hi, Ella.

This is Leah.

How are you?

This is whom?

I'm sorry.

Oh, my name is Leah.

Oh, Leah.

Hi, Leah.

Hi, I saw your ad.

for the bedroom um to share yes well i have to take it off uh yeah what do you have to take now

sorry what do you have to take off oh the ad because uh you know the the room is taken actually

oh wow um i can yeah i can take something off though too sorry i could take something off

though too what do you mean um well if you want to share a bedroom maybe you can find out

what are you talking about well isn't this you don't you need don't you need a dominatrix don't

you need somebody in there with you telling you what to do while you're in your room uh you know

i um mahalo baby posted anything like that you know maybe you need a dominatrix and i can

certainly supervise you smart ass oh okay do you want to help me yes all right okay so you want

to be inside me oh i gotta call him back oh shit it's you fucking smartass

oh that was quite interesting there hang on let me get the music going

i forget my name sometimes too i forget who i want to be

whoever you want me to be baby hell yeah shout out to dark stranger

I'm a dark stranger.

Shout out to Dee.

Dee's nuts.

What do you want?

We all want to share your room, baby.

Yeah, hello?

That was fun.

That was fun, guys.

This is when I like to join.

We're getting all looped up.

This gets a little silly.

Jack, the other day on my show,

we were all going around saying insults and you were like,

I'm gonna be mean. Fuck it. Eat shit.

Please leave your message for 8-0-8-3-0-8.

I remember that.

He said something else another time.

He's like, fuck you.

Okay.

I know I called someone shit bird on the Craigslist thing.

I was like, what's up, shit bird?

Pussy face.

Those are the best insults because they're like, what?

Say to that.

And they just ignore it sometimes.

It's just so bizarre.

They're like, yeah, I'm selling that.

Okay, back to the numbers.

That was funny.

You know what?

I'm going to try her again.

She's funny.

One last time.

See you, what?

This doesn't pick up.

We got a free poi dog.

Please leave your message for 808-308-4.

Did you leave your message?

I thought poi was like a really gross kind of food that they eat in Hawaii.

It's also a dog.

It's like a dip.

All right, yeah.

I tried it.

It wasn't super sour, right?

There's no dog called a poi.

P-O-I? Free Poi dog. Very good dog, free... I don't know, I've never heard of it.

Weird. Picture of it in everything. Looks like a fucking dog.

Get that shit up. It's probably like two breeds mixed together.

This site is failing due to glaucoma.

Hello?

Hi, this is Shitbird. I'm calling about your dog.

Hello?

Are you selling a dog? Or giving it away?

Hello?

What's up?

God, you must be like Lenny.

Yeah, you're breaking up. If you're calling about the house, it's been rented.

Goddammit, you're renting a house?

What's that?

Are you Lenny?

Lenny!

Syllables, that's all.

Not even words, so.

Lenny!

Listen, you got a point?

You got a dog?

I don't know what.

The house.

The poi dog.

The house has been rented.

Fuck you, shit bird.

You stupid ignorant.

Hang up the phone.

Dog, not a house.

Fuck your dog.

I don't want to shit inside your dog.

I'm sorry, I can't.

In your house.

Is that just Lenny?

Like, do I sound like shit?

or is that just Lenny's fucking brother?

I don't know. I think he does.

I'm going to hang out. Bye.

If I heard ducks, that'd be awesome.

I don't know what that was about. That was weird.

Let me call him again.

I thought I might have gotten the wrong ad

where you were doing rent.

Bird.

Hello?

Yes, sir. I'm going to put shitbird on the phone again, okay?

Do you have a supervisor there or something?

Old man?

Hello?

Is someone listening to the show?

the background? I think so. Who's listening

to the show? It was coming from Carlito.

Maybe it was from Tiny Chet.

I don't know.

I think you have to go to his house, Neon, and supervise him.

God, that guy. Yeah, that sounded

like Lenny's fucking brother. Yes, yes,

yes. Funny that

you called, because my

eldest, Marissa.

Hold on one

second. I was expecting

the ducks and that one guru aid call that i heard just where the ducks keep happening

or something no no it was the guy that got real pissed off some dude that got real pissed off

about talking to him and the ducks in the fucking background oh the dude that wouldn't hang up like

he was talking to him for a half an hour who recorded the voice of lenny have i asked this

already but who did that uh no he didn't record it what it was is it used to be a bot that i don't

know someone found but the uh phone number for the old lenny went down um so uh dashie got the

audio files and re-ripped them and put them on a new number cool i guess all right it's

lenny's probably dead i think that's a voice i think someone was doing that come on there's

fucking ducks for god's sake yeah i love ducks ducks are fun to watch

this

is a different dog, guys.

Go ahead, Dark Stranger.

Try again.

Are they giving it away?

Selling?

Yep.

Give.

Hello?

Hi, this is Shepard.

Are you giving away a dog?

Hello?

Are you giving away a dog?

Hello?

Is this Lenny?

What's that?

Are you giving away a dog, sir?

Lenny.

Sir.

What the hell is going on with you?

Oh, um, somebody took him already.

God damn it. Who took him? I'll pay you, like, twice the price.

Or is he free?

I'll give you $100 if you tell me who took him.

Did they take him in the end?

Oh, you don't know?

Oh, man.

Oh, that's a big reward.

See, my brain's gone.

Wow, $100.

Canadian?

In pennies.

Yes.

In loonies.

50 quid.

Hello? Did they take the dog already?

I'll give you, like, a whole bunch of bitcoins if you tell me who has a dog.

Did they take it in the ass?

Every time you say the ass comment,

they hang up.

It's all about ass.

It makes them hang up.

Listen, here's free firewood, guys, in Honolulu.

I think we've talked to a few

Honolulu firewood people.

They're crazy.

They usually get angry.

They gotta watch out

with that firewood there, man.

Maybe they're using it for cooking.

And the fire water.

They don't have a lot of trees on that island, man.

i end up like haiti and shit

i love the trailer park boys

i've yet to see any trailer park boys

i know there's a lot of stuff to watch

yeah he's gotta watch national

bad boy first

that's right i haven't seen it yet

hey that reminds me did i mention that i saw

that show um my husband's not gay

on tlc and it's

fucking hilarious i highly recommend it

It's worth a watch.

It's closeted Mormon men

who go by

saying that they have SSA,

which stands for same-sex

attraction. They're not gay.

They admit to their wives that they have feelings

for men or are attracted to men, but they

are committed to being married to

a woman and having children.

They have urges for men

but never act on them. But they're all

hanging out together in a group

and they're like, oh, look at that guy. He's hot.

What's his danger rating?

I'm totally straight

so they're going with

like the old DSM

thing

yeah

kind of like

when homosexuality

was considered

a mental illness

um

more that they understand

that they have

yeah the illness

I guess

that they're born with it

and they can't get rid of it

but they're gonna live the

they've been chosen

for this extra hard path

to righteousness

all Mormons

as I said

they all live in

Salt Lake City

of course

your call has been forwarded

to an automatic

voice message system

Jack looks kind of Mormon.

Is your family Mormon?

Uh-uh.

You look kind of Mormon.

I'm on you.

I get Jewish a lot.

Maybe the hair.

Not really.

Maybe.

People think I'm biracial sometimes, but I'm apparently.

Jack, you can be Jewish.

My nose is huge.

Aw.

Join the club.

Yeah.

All right, guys.

Here's the next number, which is an amazing share room in Hollywood.

Yeah.

545.

Not bad.

Hello, please state your name after the tone

and Google Voice will try to connect you.

Where's the pan?

It's everybody.

Shit.

Hello?

Hi, do you have that bedroom for rent?

No, I don't have bedroom for rent.

Oh.

Do you have anything else for rent?

Yeah, it's not for female.

It's for male.

I can be whatever you want me to be.

No, I don't want to be.

Isn't that the Turkish horse?

Call back and tell him you are a man.

man. That is Turkish.

Carlos, why don't

you answer the phone? Hey,

it's not for you.

Whose dick are you sucking?

Alright, I'll tell him it's for me.

You're from West Hollywood.

West side, west side.

Shit bird is the word.

The Google subscriber you have called

is not available.

He hates women. Thank you to Family Guy for making

that song uncool forever.

What? I love that part of Family Guy.

It's like you spin me right around, baby.

I liked that song until Meets Ben.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, there you go.

It's even worse.

It was on the Adam Sandler movie at first.

The wedding singer?

Yeah, they were alive.

Yeah.

Hey, let's try that Fuel Seattle place where they were really mean to mean Jag earlier

talking about the football and Dwight.

They were mean.

That doesn't mean the Dwight.

It was the chick.

True, true.

Neon, you tell her the Seahawk sucks if the chick picks up.

Okay.

Or the guy, too.

You're welcome, Jahasso.

Jahasso?

Yeah.

This is Kara.

How can I help you?

Hi, um, are you guys still taking rides for people who have been watching the Super Bowl?

Are we still what?

Um, hey, guess what?

The Seahawks suck.

Cock.

You're all a bunch of shit birds.

The shit birds.

I'm not actually from Seattle, though, so your joke's not very funny.

It means you're a big shit hawk.

No, you.

You got a big pussy.

Shit hawks.

I love chicks funny.

Shit hawks.

Let's go with shit hawks from now on.

one oh i was actually thinking they were gonna win i wish you talk shit about it all week dude

oh i just thought about of course i did but i just thought about like who could win and i looked at

their names and had a feeling i knew it was gonna be a tight one but i didn't know it was gonna be

like a fight and shit afterwards did you okay are you a psychic now of course i am after the fact

you're gonna get a 900 number for your picks call me now i got all the picks for this week's game

all right shall we continue yes no no okay we're gonna wrap it up here guys thanks oh i'm kidding

all right all right we'll stay okay milkman where's milkman shout out uh i tried to call

him he didn't pick up he's he's okay he's oh yeah i can't talk about that yet on the air

something might be okay sorry about that there might be a milkman event soon on the air

he's gonna give birth huh he's gonna give birth he's gonna give birth live on bcn's youtube channel

he's full of milk and he's currently out getting milk it's coming out of my ass

yeah big brown babe is coming out all right numbers numbers donna has a 500 roommate wanted

it for sale i'll talk to donna i'll female only i'll do bernice i'm sure it'll work too confident

confidence is high

come on donna never mind it was an answer machine the next one's funny one dollar free room for

friends with benefits arrangement yeah i'm gonna presume it's a guy let's place in the end i am a

A guy, an all-caps guy.

Yes, as I said.

First thing in the end.

Guy, sky.

Listen to this, guys.

In his 30s, wanting to share a furnished room for free with a woman, all caps.

He is average bill, tall, tan, and handsome.

Aspiring actor, but has a regular full-time job to pay the bills.

This will be a mutually beneficial living arrangement.

Friends with benefits.

Apartment complexes, pool, jacuzzi, gym, laundry, private parking, many places to fuck.

etc etc looking for a young attractive lady of any race i'm open to most body types just please

nothing bigger than a little chubby must must have good personal hygiene habits free rent

utilities this is a shared room with me and only one bed whoa dude oh my god there's not even a

transition period at first like can you get a week on the bed on the couch yeah he's looking

I think drag should call as a woman.

Oh.

I think if he put that in his ad.

Oh, man.

18 and over only.

Perfect for pilot season if you're just in town for a few months and trying to get work as an actor.

What the hell is this dude?

Goddamn.

This guy's fucked up.

This guy sounds like a rapist.

This is an industry.

Well, I don't think I can call because he wants below overweight.

You should be a fat woman.

When he says he's an aspiring actor, do you think that means like a porno actor?

I don't know.

we'll have to find out just just so you have time to you know to earn some money get back on your

feet so you gotta fuck me in order to save that money all right it's the next level up from casting

couch well let's be honest this is what it all boils down to he's just getting down to the

business of it right in a way yeah some guys have to be direct but what they want i like it yeah

maybe you've dreamed of moving to la but can't afford the right there you dude i'm telling you

If I was a chick, I'd be all over it.

Did he put his picture in there?

Not in the ad, but he does ask for a picture, it looks like.

I don't need nude pictures, he says.

But he does want a picture of his email with your phone number.

Alright, whatever, let's try to call him.

I would never do that shit, but he should put his own picture there.

Come on.

Oh, yeah, seriously.

Like, here, send me a picture.

He expects that.

And now he won't pick up.

Right.

All that stuff.

It could be, like, award-y, disgusting.

Fungus mess.

Elephant man?

Krusty.

Stop calling.

That's his ad.

Oh, Jordan.

Sorry.

Hi, this is Christian.

Just leave a message and I'll get to you.

He sounds like he has a big dong.

Yeah.

God, some dude said that to me the other day.

He's like, I know I turned a girl on when I make her all fungus-y down there.

Yeah.

Like, no, dude.

Never use that on a girl again.

Disgusting.

With my nails because I have fungus on my nails.

Fungus-y.

in there. Dude, you did not just turn

me on. I have to wear condoms on

my fingers when I think about it.

I have an STD.

See? All that's set up for that.

The curse of the setup. Okay, we got

Renee, or R-E-N-N-E.

Rennie, maybe?

Maybe.

575, share one bedroom

in Hermosa.

All right, let's see if we can get

a whole milk. I feel like I need to make bubbly noises.

To this music?

For his bong.

let's see if he picks up um renee though right did we try that yet no yes maybe no we did not

okay no not yet we made fun of his name oh fuck yeah gross george

he said does george makes bubble noises with his cock

please leave your message it's so gross how i don't know and i want to know why

Probably some type of vitamin deficiency

That's some thick pee yeah

It's probably a virus

It's got like syrup coming out of his dick

Nickelodeon slime

It's like it's got some bubblicious

Blowing fucking bubble

George is probably always sitting naked

In a hot tub

What's up stinky

What are the name of those fish

fish can do

ulu fish. You know what I'm talking about.

Swim up your urethra.

Oh, I don't know the name of something, but fuck that shit.

Oh, that's hot.

If you're in a river in South America,

don't pee in the water, guys.

I ain't girls.

I would imagine it'd be harder to get out for a girl.

Harder face, Edwin.

Wait, what is it?

Fish has these barbs, and they get stuck in your urethra

if you pee in the water.

Yeah, little small, little

fishy things.

yeah uh again all right so renee was the loss we have a uh mark with a message that his tree

committed suicide i don't know if he needs help chopping it down or is he saying that

maybe he needs a memorial or to set it off like viking style yeah uh he cut it up damn that's a

lot of wood cut it up that's what she said i'll put it at the top of the driveway if you're legit

Shit, 501C3, if you don't know what one is, you aren't one.

What's that, a type of driver, I'm guessing.

Gang.

Why, can you do a search for that, 501-C-3, or JAG?

I'm guessing it's a kind of holler.

See what's good with it?

Yeah, see what would work out best.

501-C-3.

There's got to be some kind of accreditation for driving large masses of wood.

What is it again?

C-R-D?

D, 501-C-

I can't follow it.

I'll do it.

501-

It's an exemption for driver's license.

Greg and I are both like,

car at work.

He's going to quiz me. Are you a 501-C-3?

And I've just seen it's a tax

exemption. That's not what I want.

C-3PO. Or a non-profit.

So if you're a non-profit, then okay.

I'll see if that's what it is.

Bring a couple of strong people because I am

not going to help you load it.

This is some kind of hippie. You can only be a

non-profit. You can't make anyone... You're burning it for Satan.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

We're a religion. We're a non-profit.

501-C-K. Let's do it,

guys. Let's be satanic. Yeah, and evil.

Hey, see if we can get that fucking dog. Get that

dog in the picture, too. Take that

motherfucker with you. That bitch.

We can burn him, too. Satan's bitch.

Yeah, hi. I'm calling... I'm a

a non-profit and i'd like to see if this is mark's answering machine motherfucker here but not that

asshole you have to save his number he's still inspired him fucking asshole i hate it when they

get me with that so embarrassing it's fucked up makes me look like i'm not a professional prank

caller which i'm not i wish i was i hope to be able to just live off of the money i did on shows

but i don't think i'm ever gonna get there never say never yeah well the way i have it structured

should we would it would make it so we would all get a cut of pretty decent amount of extra money

after things are paid for us that's what my plan is i don't want to just level i made a community

not a network for myself i'll thank that guy for being a milkman leaving little messages like that

he tried to get you again hello wow maybe it was him that time that'd be intense it's all part of

this little test. You must also

get past that test, as well as be

a 501c3.

Carlito, I put a picture.

It's a new toy for JagTV and

Skype. It's fresh off

the presses from Dash. Oh, yes.

It's so good,

I accidentally opened it twice.

Fatty Patty Jumbo Lumpa, huh?

Can't even fuck or fold.

Three

Colossal Love Holes. She's large and in charge.

Damn.

Which one's in it? One, two...

okay i get it and the folds and you get the folds don't forget the folds oh yes now how much would

you pay for it a lot is that a dildo or a surprise who knows you get to find out

all right so here's german how does a tree just die an old oak tree like that that's something

that's satanic shit in itself here's a german diner that's hiring a server they're in seattle

Seattle. Maybe they're open.

Maybe they're 24 hours. Let's

find out. It better be. We're having a good

time tonight here.

We'll skip school to hang out here.

I gotta work early, but YOLO.

I'm gonna put Jag in the refrigerator. Hello?

Hey, how are you doing? Good. This is the

German diner? Yes, it is.

You're hiring a

server? My name is Hans.

Yeah, I'm looking for a server, part-time.

Okay. If you're interested, you can

come tomorrow between 3 and 5.

Okay, alright. So I'll be working

Working from 3 to 5, that's my shift?

No, that's where you can come and bring me a resume tomorrow.

And then I start, what's my uniform?

What can I wear?

Tomorrow you don't have to work.

I have tomorrow open interviews,

and then I make my decision which person I want to hire.

So I don't have to wear anything special tomorrow, right?

No.

I can come naked with no clothes?

I'll come naked and show you my penis and be like,

ooh, it's big, Miss German.

oh you know what what what you know what you know what judith

oh judith where are your petals get off this train you'll take a shower now

Oh, that's right.

Oh, pussy.

What is our current Germany?

Who?

I'm sorry.

What now?

But the person you called has a voicemail.

Someone said, say what now.

Say what now?

I'm getting more do what's instead of do what now these days.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's been a paradigm shift in the vernacular.

Is that the younger generation?

I think the younger generation of hillbillies has taken over.

Say what now?

Big Kyle is looking for skilled roofers.

Wish we had Jose still on.

Fuck yeah.

Any of you want to be a skilled roofer?

I'm a skilled fucking roofer.

Go for it, Dwight.

I'm good at putting roofies in drinks.

Reach the voicemail box of...

Come on, Kyle, you fucking pussy.

We'll get fucking Royco Construction out here.

Yeah.

Yeah, you do it, Kyle.

Kyle, I was calling about being a skilled roofer.

Yeah, I've been trying to find some roofers.

We've got some jobs coming up in a couple weeks,

and I need some roofers to take care of it.

So I was looking to kind of find some guys and schedule some interviews

and get the ball rolling on that.

Yeah, that's fantastic.

I've been roofing for about six years now.

You probably heard me.

I was with Roy Coat Construction for six years,

and uh they they're my reference they uh they're good guys but they uh uh they went under they i

don't know the owner he was uh stifling money from his brother and they had a big thing and so they

had to liquidate oh no good yeah they were i don't know it's family issues you know and you know all

of us workers we got caught in between and yeah so like what what type of jobs you got coming up

you got a bunch of what we're doing we're doing when uh uh we're doing industrial we're doing

going fucking residential what do you got going there uh mostly uh residential uh some comp jobs

coming up uh and i got one metal roof i don't know if you do any metal roofing yeah i do some

i did uh i've done about a year for the past six years uh a lot of people don't want to put that

extra money out for the metal roofings you know so they i don't know what i have is a partnership

with a solar company and they do uh they sell a lot of metal roofs which go really well with solar

because there's like an s5 clamp that you clamp to the rib of the panels and then they can mount

the solar panels to those so it works really well and that's a big selling point for going metal

right other selling points too which we're able to sell metal that way i got you so it's kind of

a partnership thing so it helps the uh the metal roof sell a little bit better than they would on

on their own then yeah so we do all their riffs um so they you know they give us lots of jobs

myself i don't want to be uh uh i don't want to sound like i'm going over the line here but you

don't have uh any like uh fucking mexicans working for you do you because me and the mexicans we

don't get along i know how you feel i don't have any really uh i'll tell you a short story

one of these uh illegal motherfuckers ended up coming over and uh they worked with me over at

royco and uh it turns out uh he only started calling and sick quite a bit turns out he was

back at my house and he was uh you know he's over there laying it to my wife what and so yeah so

like ever since then i just uh me and i keep my space from the mexicans i figure you know if one's

gonna do it they're all gonna do it yeah you never know but yeah i i don't really trust a lot

of their workmanship because uh you know they there's a language barrier and they can't learn

you know the american way of doing things and they don't get a lot of rain down there

yeah the only rain they get is coming across that river you know what i mean

true but yeah i actually actually uh one guy when i found out about it he told me that he

was running away with my wife uh it wasn't a tall house but i i waited till his back was turned i

I fucking gave him a little kick right in the ass and he fell off the roof.

Oh, Jesus.

Yeah, well, I couldn't tolerate it.

He fell into the dumpster, the fucking big old loader we had out there.

And, you know, he had, like, two or three nails that stuck in his ass,

but that's the least that he should get.

Well, can I get your name and information?

Yeah, my name is Dwight McClanahan.

Dwight.

Yep.

How do you spell your last name?

MC and then C-L-A-H-A-N.

D-L-H-A-N?

Yeah.

Okay.

And my job title is roofer to the fucking stars.

Right.

That's kind of self-imposed, but yeah.

A little bit.

So you do mainly just compress, I assume?

Yeah, I do that.

I do a little PVC work, the sheet metal.

Sheet metal is my specialty.

And, you know, I can do anything you need.

i mean uh if you need me to you know to do the roof i'll do the roof you need me to uh you know

take take some worker that's not doing his job and fucking crack him with a shovel i'll do that

i'll bury his body out back we'll fucking we'll do what we need to do this is uh i don't know i

shouldn't tell you that i'm i'm uh witness protection and shit i used to uh i used to run

with the lucasies out there in fucking jersey wow i'm not supposed to be telling people that but

But, you know, you keep it in mind.

You need something like that fucking done.

You know, I make people disappear.

You know, you need your wife's pussy ate.

I'll fucking do that.

I do it all.

I'm all around.

I do all the services.

Yeah, we'll need any of that.

Maybe one night you get drunk or something.

You're feeling lonely.

I come over and I bring my boy Jag TV.

He suck your dick.

Hello.

was gonna say awkward silence yeah long awkward silence part of it interesting

one of you should call him back as a mexican you start talking spanish to him hola taco bell

you got a problem man first see if he'll hire you he's like i know what you mean yeah uh here's a

hideaway sports club in seattle see if they're open still drowning in their tears thank you for

calling the hideaway you hiring a uh the cook what huh you hiring a cook there sweetie yeah

Yeah, you hiring a cook?

No, we're not, actually.

It says on Craigslist you guys are hiring a cook.

Hold on just one moment.

All right, make it happen, bitch.

Greg, are you trapped in your phone?

Yeah.

Hello?

Yeah, what's the deal?

You told me to hold on.

I'm here.

Who's this?

It's Dwight.

I'm answering the ad.

I said to call you.

Can I have the manager or whoever's in charge?

Make it happen.

Come on, Hab.

Hold on.

Oh, she hanged.

Actually, I'm the ad in full.

It says, do not call about the position.

shut up ds yeah what's the deal uh you hung up on me what is going on why are you talking in

the background there's people in the background i'm at home i'm calling about your ad dwight tell

that bitch to shut the fuck up i'm allowed to have friends you cunt about a job don't have a

bunch of people get off the goddamn phone dwight hey listen listen i'm allowed to have friends you

You cunt bitch.

Okay.

It's also,

it's 10,

11,

15,

probably not appropriate to be calling about a job.

Call in the morning.

I just got done watching the Seahawks choke a big dick and I'm drunk and

calling about a job.

The ad didn't even specify a time we could or could or could not call.

Yeah.

You big,

lazy dick.

No,

it did put it.

It did specify.

Do not call.

Email your resume over

And we'll contact you

That's stupid me

I didn't see it when I copied it

I try to make an impression

Every time I apply for a job

I will call

It says 2am to 3am

Most shifts so I think it's appropriate time to call

I'll tell you something right now

Tell me bitch

10-15

Who calls at 10-15pm

Looking for a job

I do, motherfucker.

Nobody. So, I'm telling you right now,

if you're looking for a job, don't call

at 10-15. It's 10-14.

Quit exaggerating. You got an attitude

from you're a cunt and you got hired.

No, it's 10-15. Oh, really?

It's 10-15. 10-14, you ignorant

bitch. 10-4.

Oh, really? I'm telling you, it's

10-15 and you're trying to make an impression.

You don't call at 10-15 p.m.

Now it's 10-15?

How do you want to set your clock?

Are you a bitch

at all hours of the day?

Flint tits.

Shit burger.

How far are you? I'm going to get a job there.

I'm going to tell you right now, don't fucking call back.

Let me talk to me, you fucking bitch.

We're going to get you fired and take your job.

Okay. Really? Really, bitches?

Don't fucking call back.

I'm calling the corporate on your ass.

She got a little bit of red ass in her, huh?

Bitches.

I'm going to tell you something. Just tell it.

Don't preface it.

I'm going to hang up this phone.

This call is over.

Is it?

Yeah, bitch.

call me steve oh man i'm looking for the cunt at the hideaway last call last call i mean last

time show's over no no still got some steam machine i'll probably be on till one third

thank you for calling the hideaway sports pub if you're trying to place a to-go order

fuck my dad fuck it fuck it motherfucker uh mcdonald's play places where what was your

idea dwight you want us to say we're i'm stuck thinking you could do the echo and then you're

stuck okay something like maybe uh maybe you were watching a game and you're drunk and you came in

for food now you're stuck at the fucking play place my dad got stuck one time when he was going

down on a water slide with me i kept going i was very little a water park those were the best

safety wasn't a priority the memories are coming back to you

You can also tell someone you're up in their, like, air vent.

Do that anywhere.

GoldenEye.

How can I help you?

Yeah, hey, how are you doing?

McDonald's, how can I help you?

Yeah, um, I'm in the play place.

I'm sorry?

I'm in the play place.

The playground.

You're in the play land?

In the play land.

Okay.

Uh, I'm stuck.

You're stuck?

In the play land.

Where are you stuck exactly at?

At the very top where all the things go around.

Okay, where exactly are you?

I don't hear anything.

The bathroom.

Hello?

Oh, I don't know exactly where you're at.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

May I do a call with the Echo, sir?

Yeah.

Do you have an Echo you can use?

Or do you need me to make an Echo?

Oh, you'll have to make it.

Mine's half-assed.

in that case i will but it will not be on our youtube feed unfortunately oh it's too bad

fuck those youtube assholes just pretend yeah who do they think they are listening on youtube

honestly like a nerd well they'll hear you they're gonna hear you but they're not gonna hear

um the call whatever they can imagine in their head yeah imagination station motherfucker

that's the next one here which is on washington boulevard let me get your level here yeah there

There was only one with a play place in fucking Hawaii.

Yeah, they're getting rid of them.

They're a liability, really.

Is that what they're doing?

Oh.

All the plays here are going all adult.

Yeah.

Countertops.

Big titties.

No.

Cookies.

He's on the counter.

And fish tanks.

With Nemo fish.

Theory.

Yeah.

Most of them died.

Sorry.

Tomlinson don't give a shit about feeding fish.

Come on.

Gee, boy.

I'll try the next one.

They'd be getting all lazy at night.

I told you before I found a knife in the ball pit.

What?

The disgusting, like, virus-covered ball pit.

It's not pissed.

Discharge.

In high school, I knew someone lost a wallet in there, and they had to go through for, like,

a whole hour to find it.

They found a bunch of other shit in there.

Cockroach.

Hello?

I got a hell of a fucking problem right now.

I'm stuck in the playland.

In the play place.

A play place?

I've been drinking.

I was watching the Seahawks, the Super Bowl, and I came in for food, and now I'm in the

play place and i'm stuck i'm stuck i got a big ass and i'm stuck it's small i need someone to

come up and help me oh bitch don't worry i'll try her again we'll just do the next one she

seemed kind of slow in the head right oh yeah pissing me off bitches brad what you've been

up to today you have fun watch superbowl no yeah yeah i watched so much superbowl yeah

I rooted for the team you know yeah yeah that's on my side yeah it was a lot a lot of fun with

all my friends we drank beers that's the same one come on Carlito you can do it

when you complained to random callers

yeah some random guy shared that video of the elevator call like all he wanted to do

was have a smoke

and take a shit.

Yeah, I saw that.

That was good.

There's some random dude

he shared that.

I'm like, good, good.

Get it over with.

Is that what's

like now up here?

Yeah.

Is this the McDonald's?

This the McDonald's?

Yes.

Oh, thank Christ.

Hey, listen.

I came in to get food

and I've been drinking

and I'm in the play place

and I'm stuck in here.

Okay.

I need someone

to come wedge me out.

You gonna send someone

to come up here?

Hello?

Hey, you there?

Hello.

I'll call her back.

This ain't working out

Not as good as I thought it would.

She sounds like she probably went over there to look.

She's just used to dealing with people's bullshit.

I got another fat guy's up in the ball pit.

Grab the grease.

Fry grease.

Bring hot.

Here's your punishment.

DS, did you have them call the Denny's?

The grease trap Denny's?

No, I gave that to you.

And then I forgot about it.

Who cares about me?

All right, you have the number.

Did you guys hear about the news story?

Like, his family was at Denny's, and their kid, like, fell into an eight-foot deep grease trap in the parking lot.

Oh, shit. Oh, my God.

Like, it's just like a plastic manhole cover, and he kicked it off and fell in.

It was his own fault.

Why did he kick it off, stupid pendejo?

Yeah, yeah, he deserves it.

Dumb little shit.

I don't have the number here, though, like...

Let me find it. Let me find it. I sent it to you.

God damn.

But, you know, you could use the echo

and be, like, fall into the grease thing.

There you go.

That's what I told him.

God damn it, that's all the death.

I told you all these ideas.

You guys get me a number, and I'll call

the next McDonald's.

He is awesome for that idea.

I know.

Same, because they have the echo

all set up. Here's one in Seattle.

That's it there, actually, the Denny's.

We should all be trapped in the

grease trap.

We were trying to rescue each other

and we fucking kept falling in.

One by one.

Just kept falling in one by one.

I always wonder what those things were actually

outside of the fast food places.

One person starts out on the phone

and the next thing you know, we're all down there

like, what do we do now?

One of us could be like, ahhh.

There's another one down here.

For my call, Carly,

we skipped those.

There's just one right there, Dashie has.

Apparently, Tabachi called some crazy bitch today

And Ashley wants me to call her

Crazy bitch

Yeah this is crazy crazy chick

Hello is this a crazy bitch

Yes

Is she a bitch or a chick

A bitch chick

A shit chick

Yeah hi

My friend Dwight just called me

He said he's stuck in the

In the restaurant

He's stuck like in the playpen

Hey where are you Dwight

I'm in the play place

I'm up in the top

you're in the restroom maybe

I'm in the play place bitch

you're in the restroom maybe

you figured it out stupid

I like

I like these people they're like fuck your shit

you deal with it

that was the first time we talked

to her she was on it in the beginning

he's like fuck you

damn alright

if you got in there you get out

Alright, so what's this next one then?

What's going on? What did you guys come up with?

Oh, that's the greasy kid. Greasy

Denny's. Kid that fell in the grease pit.

And then there's the bitch chick.

Crazy, crazy chick. Crazy, crazy bitch chick.

Mm-mm-mm. Okay.

We're starting with the Denny's.

I bet you this Denny's has already

gotten this call like a hundred times from

Wacky Morning DJs.

He's a kid, Phil.

He's my kid.

I love that I can push a button on my mouse now and the music stops.

If he was my kid, I would have just left him in there.

You got yourself into it yourself.

Hi, this is Denny's. How can I help you?

Hey, how do we explain this?

Yes.

Where are we exactly, guys?

We're in the parking lot.

There's this hole in the parking lot.

I'm not sure.

I don't believe in echoing, but we're in the hole.

Yeah.

We're tripped over like this plastic thing.

We're out in the parking lot.

There was this, I don't know, Carlito fell in first and I tried to rescue him out.

I got trapped inside too.

He was trying to pull me up, but I weigh a lot, so...

Oh, who was that?

Somebody else just fell in.

Yeah, my name's Vinny.

I'm from San Diego, New Guinea.

Hey, Vinny.

Nice to meet you.

It smells like burnt fries in here.

Excuse the grease on my hand.

It's all right.

I like grease.

Good TV show.

You should rattle while we're in here.

Does she have a rope?

Take off your panties Carlito

Listen lady I'm in the grease thing

I don't know how the fuck we got in here

I just fell in a hole

Surprisingly I don't think she's heard that yet

The big greasy glory hole

God Brad why are your hands so greasy

I don't like it

Sad day go

Yeah hey we got out

Oh you guys got out of the hole

We pressed the button and the whole thing came up

Yeah

It just splooged everywhere.

I took the service elevator.

I serviced the elevator.

I'm attached to him by the hand.

Do you want to wrestle?

Want to grease wrestle?

Maybe.

I went the wrong way in the elevator.

Carlita fell back in.

Now I'm in hell.

What do I do?

You pray. If you're in hell, you pray.

You go find a bible and you pray.

Shit burn.

Praise the J.

Praise the shit bird.

Praise shit bird.

That was perfect.

That was awesome.

Pray to the Bible and pray.

Say a day go.

You're trying to say San Diego?

I don't know what I was trying to say.

I'm trying to pronounce some stuff.

It just comes out funny.

This is a racist thing about a town.

X-Rox.

A racist city.

San Diego.

I'd like to go to San Diego and check my voicemail.

You guys are funny.

Alright, look.

My favorite is when you say Xerox.

Alright, so do we know, is this a number

from one of the Lenny

victims, or just a crazy lady that they

called? No, he said it was somebody

Tabachi had called. He said that she's

fucking insane. Oh, I hear you're fucking

insane.

You've reached 749-6974.

Where I am able

to answer...

Oops. You just have to get the area

code.

good luck with that guys

starts with a 6

and it's in San Diego

it's Vinny from San Diego

alright

so I think I'm done

I wanted to ask real quick in the chat room

can I get some help, can you guys help me out with ideas

for the title of tonight's show

so I can come up with that for the upload

shit bird

any of you got an idea, shit bird?

yeah we could do shit bird

we said that a lot

shithawks

yeah

could be sandago

sandago

could it be brad is cool

brad is cool

sandago

with a little heart

yeah with a heart

a nasty heart

yeah that might mess up the html

the rss feed though

but that's not brad's problem

figure it out carlito

shithbird sandago

you go that's fucking awesome brad gets everything oh dick player i'll do shit bird it's fine okay

all right thanks guys for joining me you guys anytime thank you have a good week bye now

love you carlito do you guys need to plug anything before you go i'm sorry jag you got

anything to plug sorry no i'm just on thursdays good time gross jack not on the air besides

Oh, plug your ass.

You got anything, Dwight?

Nope.

Brad, anything coming out this week that we should know about with you?

Eh, probably not.

Probably not.

There you go.

Well, there you go.

You got a week of nothing.

Neon, anything you got to show?

You going to Wednesdays, you're thinking still?

Maybe Wednesdays.

We'll see.

Okay.

All right.

And Dark Stranger sells candles on our website, darkstrangercandles.com.

Yes.

I'm retiring this week.

Yay.

Thank God.

All right, see you.

Good.

I hung up on those pricks.

No, that's not true.

I love those guys.

And I love you.

Thanks to everyone who joined me again on the air.

And everyone in the chat room, thank you for being so kind and helping out

and being so behaveful.

Wow, I really need to go to sleep.

Thank you for being so nice to me and entertaining me,

letting me entertain you.

I'll be back next week, same time, 10 p.m. Eastern.

7 p.m pacific we're prank call nation.com be sure to head over there and head over to

madhouse live.com subscribe to the podcast if you haven't yet and spread the word tell

a friend or three why not all right i'll catch you next week thanks

Calls (34, 1 h 11 min of 2 h 55 min)

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