Nips For Milkman

You heard about what's going on in there?

Heard a lot of bullshit talk, I know that much.

Bullshit, my friend.

Do you know something?

Don't listen.

What do you know?

Maybe I do and maybe I don't.

What I say is they got no business negotiating.

We ought to be going back in there with a bullet for everybody in the yard.

Oh, is that right?

We do it now, we do it later.

Later ain't gonna be no use.

Am I right, Al?

Now, wait, wait, wait a minute, Frank.

We got a lot of angry guys in there.

Black Muslims, Panthers, Young Lords.

Besides you, the average antisocial.

We gotta go in, right?

Clean your clocks.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Madhouse Radio.

I'm Carlito, the host of the show.

Thanks for being with me here tonight.

This is a prank call of the world.

You are invited and actually encouraged to join it.

Head on over to madhouselive.com or prankcallnation.com.

Join in with the festivities there.

Join our chat room.

From there, it's just all uphill, baby.

The opposite of which is downhill

Which is how I'm feeling right now

I've got a sinus infection going on

I'm going to have to go to the doctor tomorrow

For antibiotics, I believe

But I'm on Sudafed now

And a bunch of stuff

So I'm going to try to do a show

I committed myself to doing a show tonight

And here I am

If you're not watching the YouTube feed

You can do that

Go to my YouTube channel

Madhouse Radio on YouTube

And be sure to like and subscribe

Subscribe while you're there.

But there should be a live event running right now on Google, YouTube, Hangouts On Air, whatever they call it.

And you can watch me.

You can also get that video feed over at madhouselive.com on the front page.

All right.

Thank you.

Yeah.

I got numbers coming in from RBCP.

Jack said he was going to get me some numbers as well as Dwight.

So we got a few sources of numbers.

I'm going to have to blow my nose.

I'm going to have to host my nose quite often tonight, actually.

and yes i know that it's crazy but i am blowing my nose into an old undershirt it's way more

comfortable than a tissue it doesn't bruise up your nose you know and uh it's greener you're

not wasting paper that's for sure and you don't make such a mess all over the place lasts a long

time i always get a old undershirt or like a old just an old shirt i was using like a small hand

towel but my nose started getting all ripped up towel's too harsh oh it sucks it sucks man it

sucks being sick but i felt worse definitely i felt worse in the last three or four months

so it's all good all right uh speaking of youtube though hey i should mention let's change the music

i should mention um well there's a few there's some important stuff going on tonight here now

Now, as I mentioned on previous shows, this week passed on Prank Call Nation.

Our friend Milkman needs some help.

He needs an assistance because he got into a car accident.

He's a taxi driver, you see, and he lost his main source of employment.

Now, starting this weekend, he did start working, but here's the thing.

Instead of being able to drive his own vehicle, now he has to go through a company that he has to pay money up front.

Um, so basically he rents a car for a taxi, a yellow taxi cab for a day, has to pay them

up front and he gets shittier rides and he can't pick up any of his regulars.

He has an established, uh, customer base that pretty much supports him.

Um, and he picks up other people here and there, but he's not allowed to do that.

And the taxi is only allowed to work out of like two or three spots specifically in the

city he's in.

So, um, it's going to take him a while to get back on his feet.

Plus, he's behind on rent, and his cell phone's pretty much close to getting cut off,

which would be horrible because he really wouldn't be able to work at that point.

A taxi driver needs to have a phone in order to get, you know,

they don't use radios like they used to back in the day on the taxi machine,

and it's all digital, I guess now.

I guess that's what you would call it.

So anyway, what I'm trying to say is that Milkman needs our help, guys,

and I'm asking you guys to help me help him.

The best way you can do that, it's really simple.

if you head on over to i created a gofundme page for milkman that's gofundme.com

slash milkman pretty easy right gofundme.com slash milkman and you can spare a few bucks

this is a donation for our buddy milkman um i would i'm sure he would greatly appreciate it

now here's the thing he doesn't know about it it's a secret it's a surprise so i talked to him

him today and i told him that we weren't going on the air until midnight tonight eastern standard

time so what i'm gonna do instead is call him at eastern midnight eastern and tell him how much we

were able to raise so and i have committed if by midnight eastern standard time i can raise

three hundred dollars from milkman i will take my shirt off for at least a half hour on the youtube

video of the show tonight i will take my shirt off live it will be skin i'm not going to wear

Wearing undershirt, not wearing one of my wife's bras underneath.

You will see my man boobs.

You will see my surgery scars.

You'll see me in all my shirtless glory tonight.

I'm not fucking around.

I am dead serious.

Tonight on video.

It'll be on YouTube to watch later.

You can take screenshots of it.

You can put pictures of big vaginas and penises all over me if you want.

I'm sure MGH will have a field day with a topless photo of me.

And that's fine.

Good for him.

But I'm doing this for Milkman.

So we can raise $300 tonight, which I don't think we can.

To be honest with you, I don't think we can.

That's why I'm sending it so high.

I'm a pussy, right?

But if for some godly reason we can help out Milkman with $300 tonight, I will do that.

All right.

So again, it's GoFundMe.com slash Milkman.

GoFundMe.com slash Milkman.

If you can help Milkman out, please help him out.

And hopefully I'll be able to surprise him with something tonight.

Other than the $20 that I put in myself already.

I put in $20 towards taking my shirt off for you guys already.

that's how committed i am so help me at least give be able to call him and tell him hey we got

40 bucks for you something please guys all right okay let's get to the prank calls i got to be sure

to mention that as much as i can tonight to drill in and you that you should help out our friend

milkman with the donation help him get him back help help him get back on his feet you know jag

tv and pcn and matt hillock can have patreon accounts we can help milkman out just this one

one time and help make sure he doesn't go homeless and carless he's already carless okay well these

are numbers that are uh brought to us well sent to me by uh to by rbcp and uh they're the ones

that john mccabe has been sending him regarding uh people that are thinking they're calling bank

of america regarding loans that they've applied for looking for statuses on them or whatever it

maybe um i guess there was some literature printed out by bank of america that had the

incorrect phone number list on it and now he's this guy here john john yeah john john's been

getting the calls john's been getting the calls so he's been turning the numbers into

brad and brad said some really good ones but here's my attempt at one of these i don't think

i've done any of these yet all right nine five all right why am i saying the number hello anyway

By the way, Joe, his message said he's giving up on the loan

because the paperwork is too complicated.

And he says, sorry for the inconvenience.

Come on, man.

You sound like Milkman talking like that.

Oh, the paperwork's too complicated.

I'm not going to apply for aid.

Oh, my God.

I'm not available at this time, but I will return your call.

Yeah, man, shut up.

Listen, I'm looking here at my iPad in front of me,

and I'm looking at all the emails that just came through,

and I just saw a bunch of $20 contributions.

and now I just realized

that I probably am going to have to take my shirt off

tonight. Motherfucker.

Damn it. Why are you guys

so nice to Milkman? I want to thank

Brad. Brad's

made a donation as well as Palindrome,

Flutterpie, Axpa,

Derek, MSC3

Clay, and someone named Adam.

Thank you all you guys for helping out.

I think that's Derek the Ferret. Thanks for helping

out Milkman. Let me get the total here.

Where are we at already? $155.

x jesus christ that that alone helps you don't understand how much that helps him out man and

he has no idea this is gonna happen unless one of you fuckers calls him he's pretty good at not

having a phone he actually doesn't have a phone just about right now so never mind all right well

hey guys thanks a lot for helping him out all those that i mentioned and the rest of you i will

try to give you shout outs as the night come i hope you don't feel like the donation should be

anonymous i think actually you can give anonymously you can hit anonymous so that i won't give the

name on it if you're concerned about that but thank you again you guys okay god damn it my

fucking man tits here's mark and lisa who left no message but called looking for bank of america

apparently okay yeah no ken's excited about this he's always teasing about taking my shirt off in

the chat room george is probably gonna rub his cough amelia thank you for your donation of ten

dollars we appreciate it thank you randall thor for your contribution holy crap we're gonna hit

hit $300 really i'm not doing anything else guys don't be like oh we'll give you 800 to show your

dick no none of that's on the table especially the dick no other articles of clothes are coming

out nothing like that it's just gonna be me with no shirt on for 30 minutes god bless it i may not

get to it as soon as it happens but i think i should wait until midnight when i call milkman

make you guys wait or maybe i should just sort of typically said oh i didn't say 300 i said 500

All right, let's get one of these to answer.

Come on, John McCabe.

You're screwing me up, man.

You're messing with my thing.

No message left from this phone number here.

Let's find out.

I'm looking on video.

My nose is so red.

I'm fucking rude.

If not available, record your message at the tone when you are finished.

Ah, damn it.

You know what?

Let me call all three of these that I've called already another time.

I've only called them once.

Usually, this time, I do have to do a double ring.

Gordo just contributed $30.

Thank you, Gordo.

Make sure I'm not missing anyone.

Renee also.

Thank you.

Hello?

I knew I should have done $600, but I thought that was way too much.

Do you have the wrong number?

I'm calling from Bank of America Loan Servicing.

You left us a call regarding your loan application.

No, I didn't leave your call.

I just told you guys that I wasn't interested in the loan application any longer.

We had a change of heart.

Yeah, you left a message because you said it was too complicated?

I don't want to discuss it.

We're not interested.

Thank you for calling.

is it because you're stupid oh man i didn't get to get the insult in damn no he ain't gonna play

all right damn it i took too long to drop the hook and the fish swam away all right we'll try

mark and lisa again i'm not shaving my head i'm not taking my pants off i'm not doing anything

like this whole 262 now again that's gofundme.com slash hello it's gofundme.com slash milkman and

And I'll try that one to lift no message again.

Sean Dilligrad.

Sorry.

It's not available.

Sorry.

I'm the female Ronald Reagan.

All right.

Jordy Mac called regarding a loan that you guys are processing for me.

Has a few questions.

Also, try phone number this if no answer.

Okay.

10-4 understood.

That's a business.

Come on.

And a shout out to Gary who just subscribed to the YouTube channel.

if you haven't done that yet you should madhouse radio on youtube you can watch the video feed of

this show no music on the video feed so if you want to get the music go to prankhallnation.com

but either way ken says we're only eight dollars away from a shirtless carlito i thought we were

at 262 297 we're three dollars away holy shit i've made a huge mistake quote joe bluth and yes

that's gofundme.com slash milkman where you can help my buddy out milkman the co-host of my show

for almost 10 years now who's

in a car accident. He's having trouble

making ends meet temporarily.

If we can help him maybe get around. At least I

could do it for him. Shit.

We'll all have a laugh.

I'll try the next number.

No message left, but they did call

regarding the Bank of America loan.

I'll teach him to call about loans.

Yes, hi. You left a message here

regarding a loan.

Bank of America loan servicing.

I don't know

that I left it at that number.

I must have.

So you're with Bank of America?

Yeah, I'm with BOA.

Then you, yeah, I'm working overtime.

Yeah, I'm with BOA.

That's how we call it in the industry.

10.30 on a Sunday night, you're calling me?

We have a 24-hour call center, sir.

Okay, call me tomorrow.

Fucker.

Guess what?

We broke the target.

I knew I should have done it for more.

Damn.

Hi, this is Ed Lawson.

Please leave a message.

Ed Lawson.

Ed doesn't like being called late at night.

10.30.

Well, I got news for you.

It's only 1026.

1024 when I was talking to you.

So don't exaggerate, man.

Frank Garrett makes a good question.

We'll close this one, I should say.

What's the goal for Ken to go on cam?

Oh, sorry I missed you.

Sorry I missed you.

And now I got to take the shirt off.

Now I can't wait anymore.

Should I put my captain's hat?

I got to put the captain's.

I got to wear something.

I said shirtless, not topless.

Oh, this is going to be embarrassing.

Oh, he's trying to prolong the pain.

all right so the good news is i'll be able to call milkman and tell him hey at least we got you

where are we at now let's see watch there'll be no more donations now 315 i'll be able to we'll

be able to call milkman a minute hopefully he can pick up because he will be driving the yellow

dingy taxi cab and it sucks i mean he barely it's gonna take him a while to build clients up again

but he went there a good two months without working so let me see who else donated elizabeth

Biff, Buster Casey, Bow Girl, Adam, Corbin, Mining Coins, Hockey Man, said hello, Dark

Stranger, Lord Spoon.

Lord Spoon's around?

Where you been, man?

Holy shit, I haven't heard from Lord Spoon in forever.

Someone named Matt.

I don't want to give out last names, but Matthew also.

Who else do I know?

It stopped sending me individual emails and just sent an hourly summary, so yeah, yeah,

yeah.

All right, everybody.

So as you know, I will now take off my shirt for 30 minutes.

minutes oh i can't wait should i give you time ken do you have the ken's in the chat room he's

paying attention ken do you have the the youtube link can you post that like three or four times

in a row in the chat hey this will help my youtube numbers for sure hello so guys if i do this if you

go to watch it on if you go to see me shirtless on youtube you need to at least like and subscribe

okay if you haven't already subscribed and then you need to at least like the video please thing

i'm begging you i only get like 40 some views per video now trying to move up jayad gets more

reviews in that fuck's wrong with the world all right earl not fucking around ken did you post

that ken has posted that all right it's titty time let me take the headphones off let it not

be said that i'm not a man of my word here i am shirtless on camera for milkman i gotta get rid

of the lower third there you go me shirtless i do have a hurry there i am shirtless carlito

everybody let's see what the side look view looks like it's trying to switch it now on the camera

camera's stuck no you guys can get the side view without me shutting off youtube oh shit well at

least you got me shirtless from the front what can i say but yes it has happened but please keep

donating no i'm not taking my pants off for 600 no absolutely not maybe ken will ken take your

pants off on ken he doesn't ken doesn't even own a camera kidding me i am so white look how pale i

am good god man it's so embarrassing i feel my man boobs is growing like sharp tits all right

All right, here's the next.

I got to get an answer from these loans.

Come on.

Here's the next loan call.

I actually feel comfortable.

This is how Tuck used to do shows.

He used to do his shows naked on the air with us.

He said he took his pants and clothes off and sat in his chair naked doing the shows.

Call.

I'm sorry I missed you.

I already called back up.

All right, here's the next one with no message left.

I barely got a ring off on that one.

I'm sorry for this time.

Homework business hours are Monday through Friday, 8 to 5.

Thank you.

I'll leave the message for the app.

Morgan says I have to move the camera.

Morgan, what are you doing to me?

Jesus Christ, girl.

Dang.

Oh, man, that's horrible.

You can see my pink nips.

Oh, this is really embarrassing.

This is one of my surgery scars, by the way.

Where is it?

Here.

Look how big that shit is, man.

Horrible.

Ruined my body forever.

Dirty Aaron wants to jump in.

All right.

Not topless.

He just wants to join the show.

I was fine until I saw my boobs on the camera.

Now I feel horrible.

Let's see if we can get Aaron to join me.

Aaron.

Titty.

Hey, man.

What's up?

What'd it be like?

Do I sound okay?

Yeah, take your shirt off.

I took my shirt off.

but nobody can see me with my shirt off so it doesn't really matter yeah okay wait solidarity

come on man all right no it's off oh man i i count five i am counting the minutes man

and we are definitely at five minutes plus with video with a shirtless carlito how long you got

30 30 minutes i promise 310 so what does that work out to 10 bucks a minute that's not bad

shit that's gripper money that's great money god i'll never make money like that again to show my

My nipples look like Hershey Kisses.

I can't believe how okay I am with this.

I feel like I'm bonding with you guys.

It's good to hear from you.

Aaron, how you been, man?

I'm doing okay, man.

Somebody on the YouTube channel was asking how much to put the shirt back on.

I love it.

I'm sorry, but I think there's more paying people to take it off.

You don't have to watch it.

Good God, how many people are watching it?

Let me see.

Can I make this video private, guys, on YouTube after it's on?

I got 49 viewers looking at my elephant-looking boots.

Hello.

Yeah, how you doing?

This is Cross.

I'm calling from Bank of America Loan Servicing.

Yeah, how you doing?

Oh, I'm good.

I saw you called us.

I'm sitting here with my shirt off at my desk and going through some messages and some loan applications here.

Okay.

Did you have a question or were you looking for a status of the loan?

Yeah, you're sitting at your desk with your shirt off?

Yeah.

Is that what you said?

Yeah, it's Sunday.

It's Sunday, yeah.

Yeah, I was trying to get a hold of Brian Smith, actually.

I've got him here.

Do you know him personally, or were you trying to ask him about the loan?

I had questions about the loan.

What about it?

I can help you out.

Well, why don't you let me talk to him?

Well, because the loan's in my department now.

Okay.

That's okay.

I'll get a hold of somebody at Bank of America on Monday.

All right, I'll put him on.

Go ahead.

ahead all right hello this is him i'm at my desk this is brian how are you sir oh okay i'm good

what can i do for you well uh we heard you had a message about the uh about the loan or something

like that you have some questions go ahead let me know what you got what you're looking for

well i know we're going to close uh well it might take a little bit of a problem you know

with the escrow and everything like that so we're just kind of waiting to hear back about that

um what we're uh what do you guys need to do so so why don't you tell me what you're really up to

oh well i'm at my desk with my pants off excuse me what i said i'm at my desk with my pants off

it's sunday it's a thing we do everybody kind of picks uh you know what what kind of article

clothing they want to take off yeah have a nice day fucker no no fuck you you're declined you

guys fucking sucking each other's dicks yeah no no no you know we don't need a loan to buy a

a trailer house you piece of shit go uh go suck each other's dicks you fucking queer boys all

right no problem thank you all right good luck in the money he's the one gonna be sucking dick

for that loan i don't know yeah i didn't mean to throw you on the spot i was hoping you knew

what was going on awesome no no problem i was i was listening good good good all right all right

so that was west i'm not gonna mess with them again because i think we burned them out pretty

see

see if i've got more numbers let me check the total here hang on let's

see where we are again that's gofundme.com slash milkman i know we hit my 300 goal already last

time i checked we're at 320 we're now at 350 thanks everyone who's donated i'll try to list

everyone off later on who makes a non-anonymous go fund me damn it i've been saying gofundme.com

this whole time it's gofund.me slash milkman gofund.me slash milkman holy crap i think everybody

knows what gofundme is it's it's all the same right uh i think gofundme.com goes to gofund.me

i think that works actually yeah it does yeah so you're okay we're okay yeah gofundmilkman all right

and uh oh god i'm losing connection oh no hang on don't go all right looking at dwight's numbers

you're there i'm here you're there oh no shit come back aaron come back hold on sorry i'm

gonna close some packet laughing you're back yet are you fixed yet yeah yeah excellent just

getting a mix we're going in the youtube channel and skype god no wonder i'm sure my my big ass

body well yeah actually yeah yeah it takes a lot of bandwidth take up take up a lot of

takes a lot of bandwidth to transmit this man all right here's karen who checked in at a hotel it

looks like in in in boston all right you want to talk to a hotel check-in or you want chill

oh yeah yeah yeah no problem her name again is karen let me just copy paste it for god's sake

karen at a hotel in boston what hotel have you got that in there uh yeah i'll it'll be there

once I paste it for you.

She's staying at the Seaport Boston, it looks like.

Did you get the last name and all that?

You see it?

Yeah, yeah.

Got it now.

Good, good, good.

Here we go.

Thanks for calling Seaport Boston.

To reach a hotel guest,

please say operator or press zero.

Otherwise, at any time during this message,

say the first and last name.

Thank you.

Daily.

Ringing the operator.

Here we go.

If this name is wrong, say cancel

or press star and try again.

Good evening.

Thank you for calling the Seaport Hotel.

Hello, this is Amber. How may I assist you?

Yes, I'm trying to reach Ms. Daly.

I'm sorry?

D-A-I, I'm trying to reach a guest.

What's the last name?

Can you transfer me?

D-A-I-L-E-Y.

What's the first name?

Karen.

Okay, one moment, please.

Thank you.

Pick up.

Well, these are there.

Probably a hooker.

Hooker.

Hello, you've reached the Seaport Hotel, Boston, and World...

Bullshit I have.

I'm going to call back.

See if I can get her out.

Ask again.

I didn't get, I could have got the room number.

Good evening.

Thank you.

Just hurry the fuck up, guys.

Good evening.

Thank you for calling the Seaport Hotel.

This is Santina.

How may I assist you?

Hello, Santina.

Did I just talk to you about Karen there?

Was that you I spoke with?

Oh, no, that was Amra.

One moment.

I can get her for you.

Oh, okay.

Well, no, no, no.

I don't want her to do it because she must have did it wrong because it didn't work.

So can I get, can I get Miss Daly?

D-A-I-L-E-Y.

D-A-I.

All right.

Okay.

One moment.

What's the room number?

Is there a way I can dial direct so I don't have to deal with you guys or what?

No, we're not allowed to say the room number out to other people.

You're not allowed to say it out loud?

No.

Can you just whisper it to me?

No, I'm sorry.

I don't think so.

Oh, you sound kind of cute.

What?

I said, oh, you sound kind of cute.

A nice little smile there, huh?

I give the transfer you to her room.

All right, that's fine.

All right, one moment.

Thank you.

To Miss Bailey, right?

Yes.

Or, well, maybe to your room.

I can skip right over her, and we can go to your room.

Oh, my room?

Yeah.

Well, here you go.

One moment.

...District and Logan International Airport.

She's down.

Nina's right.

I am a camp slot tonight.

Hello, you've reached the Seaport Hotel, Boston.

I give up on her unless you want to hit on her some more.

No, no, that's fine.

I am a camp slut tonight, I guess.

Good point.

All right, we're going to call Jim, who's staying in Manchester.

I'll see if I can get him on the line.

We're about 15 minutes into the shirtless escapade with Carlito.

And not a minute more.

Any ideas about a show soon, or are you still chilling?

I've been having problems with my mom and shit lately.

I got no time.

That's all right.

Well, it's good to have you on whenever you can be.

Well, the Sunday night is usually pretty good.

All right.

This hotel doesn't pick up.

Ring-a-ding-ding.

Whoa.

Frickin' wanker hotel.

All right, I got another one.

I got Jennifer.

I think it would be kind of weird to say I'm from the front desk and I don't have a Brick Shacks.

Right.

No, you're not.

Thank you for calling the Desmond Hotel.

This is Kathy.

Want me to answer your call?

Uh, yeah.

I need to speak to a guest there.

Do you know the last name?

Uh, Mar.

Spell it.

Mar.

M-A-H-E-R.

Mar.

What's the first name?

Jennifer.

One moment.

Well.

All right, the walking dead come back.

the hotel guest you have called is unavailable you may leave a private i'll have to watch that

tonight walking dead i guess came back on tonight after the break oh yeah you're walking dead family

do you think thanks for calling the desmond this is jamie and how may i assist you yeah did you

mess up or did you not get me to the right person i'm sorry but um i'm not sure what

mar what's going on i need to talk to the guest there named maher okay well then just a moment

How do you spell her last name?

M-A-H-E-R, Marr.

What's her first name?

Jennifer.

Okay, I do apologize about the mix-up, but let me transfer you to the room.

I accept your apology.

At Albany's Premier Hotel.

I don't know why that's funny.

Hello?

Is that Jennifer?

Jennifer.

Hello?

Yeah, Jennifer Marr.

Hi, I'm calling from the front desk.

My name is Cross.

I'm here with Aaron, my supervisor.

Yes, hello.

Yeah, we had a complaint about you.

Did you want to discuss that with us before we performed our investigation?

No.

All right.

Well, how do you plead?

Guilty or not guilty?

What say you?

There was some screaming from the room.

You've had some.

Harder.

Click.

All right.

That guy we were calling from England who said not guilty or something like that.

Not guilty.

He actually, he put his, yeah, he actually had the whole, I did the whole court case

with him and everything.

Yeah, he did the whole thing.

Yeah, because I yelled objection at him a little bit.

That's right.

All right.

This is a Yen Johnson.

Yen.

She's chilling at the hotel.

You want to try her?

Yin Johnson.

Y-I-N Johnson.

Good morning, Good Spice Hotel.

Yes, I'm looking for a guest.

Yeah, who are you looking for?

Johnson.

Yin.

Johnson.

Can you transfer to the room, please?

No, I don't have anybody by that name in, I'm afraid.

No?

No, nobody by that name, I'm afraid.

Nobody by that name.

Okay.

Smith.

Yin Smith.

It could be under husband.

What name again, sorry?

Smith.

No, nobody by that name either.

Kind of like a Chinese yin or Asian, oriental, slant eye slope.

Hello?

No, nothing like that either.

Oh, right.

You sound like you're from the north.

Yorkshire.

Yeah, that's what it sounds like.

Do they have any dentists up there?

Any what, sorry?

Do they have any dentists, you know,

or does everybody just brush their teeth with powdered sugar?

Son of a bitch.

I'm calling for Bella Amalia.

Sorry, I broke the rules.

I'm sorry.

No, it's all right.

I don't care.

Hey, we got $405.

Yay, for Milkman.

I need to speak to a guest there.

You want to speak with?

Amalia.

Bella Amalia.

I'm sorry?

Amalia is the last name.

Oh, Amalia.

All right.

Seven minutes left of me with no shirt.

Good morning.

I need to speak to a guest there.

Who?

A guest.

A guest?

Guest?

Guest.

guest um i know his name amalia amalia amalia is a guest from our hotel yes our stuff yes stupid

guest hotel guest okay wait a moment christ fucking loud there shit man oh his full name

uh her full name is bella amalia bella amalia yeah good music yeah is that bella bella good

Good morning, sir.

Can I help you?

Oh, my God.

I'm trying to speak to a guest there.

You will speak to our guest?

Yeah.

By the name?

No, we speak to you.

Her name is P.

Pi.

Po.

P.

Pi.

One moment.

Po.

No, no, hold on.

Hello.

Stupid.

P-I-O.

No.

P.

Pi.

Can you listen instead of talking?

Could you spell again, sir?

No, no, no.

The whole name you need to say.

Can you listen while I speak, woman?

woman? P-P-O-P. And then P like Papa, I like India. Yeah. Yes. And then P-I-I. Yes. Po. And then O

like Oscar. P-P-O-O-P-E-E. P-P-O-P. Can you say it back to me? Is it our guest? Yes. Can you say

the name? I want to make sure you understand. I'm sorry. We don't find the name. Could you

you spell again? What is the name?

Can you say it back to me?

Be like Papa, and then... Oh, my God.

You're stupid.

Where... What island are you

from? Look at my boobies bounce

when I laugh. My friend has his shirt

off. He needs to talk to the woman. Now.

I need a bra, I think. Just connect

a call. Can you get me a bra? Is she there? Hello?

I'm sorry, sir. I cannot hear you

clearly. Would you like to call again?

No, no, no. I want you to say the goddamn

name. Can you hear it or not? Oh, my God.

Those people are stupid.

fucking where where is this that was in jakarta indonesia fuck damn i don't think indonesians

were that stupid where's the other island we call it everybody's fucking stupid um there's a few

there's uh thailand where the the king is an asshole no not thailand if guam yeah the king

is definitely an asshole yeah guam yeah they're really slow there dude oh yeah you know i don't

think i don't think we've ever called american samoa i might have mentioned this before i never

I never called American Samoa.

Yeah.

Two minutes, 30 seconds left.

Yeah, there was a lot of rings, huh?

What was that, sir?

That was a lot of rings to get you on the phone.

I'm sitting here with my shirt off like an asshole.

I do apologize, sir.

We were just a little bit busy at the desk, but how can I help there?

Let me take care of you.

I need to speak to the spa, Serenity Spa.

Are they still open?

Unfortunately, they aren't closed for the evening.

What is it that you would need from them, sir?

Is there a guest I can speak to by the name of Glazer?

G-L-A-S-E-R.

Let me take a look. G-L-A-S-E-R?

G-L-A-S-E-R.

Okay. Give me one moment, sir.

Do you know the first name?

Yes, I do.

What is his first name? Mr. Glaze's first name?

Bradford.

Sorry, Mr. Bradford? Okay. And you just want to be connected to his room?

Uh, yeah, that'd be great. If you don't have a problem with that, you jerk.

I'm trying to take care of you, sir.

Well, I'm trying to tell you that the shit in the toilet's not right here.

All right. Thank you.

One moment, sir. Let me connect you to his room.

All right.

Look at his bedtime over here.

Oh, shit.

Crazy kids.

Nick, I guess I did get a message about that, and no problem.

Thanks, man.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

Is that Bradford?

Mr. Glazer?

Hi.

Yeah.

Hi.

I'm calling here from the front desk.

Apparently, did you check into the spa earlier today, Serenity Spa?

Me and another person went and just looked at it.

Okay.

All right.

Did you, because I guess on the cameras, they saw you go from the spa back to your room?

Correct.

No, I went across to the pool.

Why?

And then you came back and went to your room.

Correct.

Okay, yeah, because one of the ladies that works at the spa,

she says she felt very uncomfortable with you, your presence there.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I was with another lady.

She said that.

She said, and I'm looking here on the report.

Hang on.

It says, do you know that feeling when you can tell someone is looking you up and down?

Security said yes.

yes and then spa worker said he get uh the guest gave me that look up and down and he had an

erection security asks are you certain it was an erection she says yes i'm certain he had an

erection it could i could see it and he kept trying to unzip his trousers to show me did you

have anything you needed to add to that sir because we're probably going to have to ask you

to leave if you'd like to send someone in my room to talk about it i'd be happy to talk with you

about it no we don't i don't want to send someone there to be accosted by a pervert like you sir

all right i don't know who you are if you want to send somebody from the hotel that'd be great

i'd be happy to talk why don't you just pack your shit nicely and get out of here i'm not

clicking very well today send somebody indeed aaron you still here did i lose you yeah no no i

was on mute there because we were doing everybody wants something for me oh you know how it is all

right my shirt time's over i'm putting my shirt back on entertain the people for a few minutes

oh no there's screenshots of me with no shirt on already yeah that's gonna be my uh skype profile

pic oh it's meantime oh he's putting on a shirt god i wish i had a play-by-play i can't see the

video and start at the same time okay the frank tall nation all right i'm back okay i couldn't

see the video otherwise i would have given a play-by-play ah i got you but yes thank you

thanks for filling in for me that is the most embarrassing thing i've ever done on the show

i guess it is gofundme.com slash um milkman m-i-l-k-m-a-n as if you didn't people didn't

know how to do that i got to kill the video temporarily so i can get the uh the switchboard

to start working again out of lack of i don't know what it's called anyway all right now i won't

come back up yay great now we lost video really seriously that's cool i see mistress morgan's in

tiny chat and she's topless in solidarity she has a bra on but i don't know if you're familiar

with her but she's quite the looker sir that's disgusting that's disgusting if you don't like

looking at that you don't like those things you're all excited when it's me not for mistress mo

all right i'm having trouble with manny cam come on manny cam you're killing me let's listen to

the song while i fix the video here i got it back but the cameras aren't working i'm glad i got the

shirtless thing taken care of before that happened camera one's working my true is working all right

we're back yeah one camera two camera one camera two good times man good movie movie not many people

talk about these days but man did i watch i think i saw the movie in the theater a few times all

right blah blah blah back to numbers where's everyone else let's get dwight and stuff here

you like dwight you don't have beef with dwight do you uh well i like i like beef yeah dude i had

i had chicken tikka masala what did i have what's up hey how you doing hey uh we just reached 420

yes did we yes i was making uh i was making offers if we hit 420 on tuesday i will be calling rita

and asking her out for valentine's day nice all right there you go if we reach uh 450 that's the

new goal uh i will call gary at his house and ask him on a date for valentine's day this is awesome

great great all right we're doing everything we can to help milkman i'm gonna say taking off my

shirt though that was a big step for me um wow that's awesome everyone thanks everyone who has

has helped out again i'll try to give a rundown later but 420 that's awesome thank you guys i

really am very proud of y'all all right like that's like one trip to benihana yeah man yeah

if it gets you know sake and all that get a few sushi rolls it adds up man and if you upgrade the

meat to the sirloin instead of just the regular right and then that well and then i get the uh

massage with hand job after oh yeah the back room there was a bamboo walls all right joey is on

on facebook saying that listen two years old ashley furniture for sale all right dark brown

all leather sofa and a love seat don't fucking do it do i take this while i gotta take some

medicine for my nose my lungs and my throat my hands you're doing this uh joey yeah i'm calling

about that sofa you got as far as i know somebody else supposed to be getting it already uh what

like uh can i outbid them because i'm i'm in desperate need of this thing well she's supposed

I was going to pick it up tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

What's she offer you?

Four.

So, like, if I offer $450, you think I could swing over there before her and maybe pick this thing up?

I mean, I'd hate to be somebody like that.

Yeah.

But I'll tell you what, if she don't show up tomorrow, I will call you back.

All right, yeah.

If she don't show up tomorrow, I'll still give you the $450.

Now, like, is the arrangement still set up, like what it says there on the Facebook?

facebook do what now the facebook it said uh you were you were doing the sofa and then you

started offering for guys to come over and bang your wife he said her butthole is dark brown

and she loves it okay so are we still doing that yeah okay should i bring protection or what no

that's good okay so she's no protection she's a dirty girl yeah okay uh what time you want me to

come by like even if that lady gets the sofa i can still come through and bang one out on your wife

what time whenever okay what's the address i'll tell you what come on right now i need the address

oh god there she is that sounds she sounds sexy what's the address you trying to figure out your

own address yeah yeah listen i come over and then you go in the other room you leave us alone and

i'll show your wife how to really get fucked yeah i love this do what now do what now do what now

That was a good one.

I got to see you by grabbing that.

I always say I'm going to isolate that sound.

Never do it.

It's all wishful.

Why do you even mention it?

Do what now?

Exactly.

Hey, how you doing?

You got the sofa?

Did you just say something ugly about me?

No, I'm just calling about the sofa.

Yeah, did you just call about the sofa five minutes ago?

No, I'm a totally different person.

Okay, well, it's sold.

Okay, what about your b-hole?

Is that sold?

Look, you know, we're cops,

If you're really cops, sing the cops theme song.

Bad boys, bad boys.

What you gonna do?

Your credentials are not checking out, ma'am.

What you gonna do?

Scooby-dooby-doo for you.

No, I'm recording right now.

You can't.

I didn't give you permission.

Don't you record this.

I told you I'm recording.

Everybody.

No.

Hey, are you a fat piece of shit?

Hey, hello?

You sound about 300, 400 pounds.

Yeah?

Yeah.

She's probably one of them big girls.

She's a big girl.

She's one of those that weighs 300 pounds, and then she's got small boobies.

She's got the eight cups.

Go ahead.

What's your name?

Looks like a student.

What's your name?

My name?

Yeah, your name.

My name is Brent Westwood.

Brent Westwood, and I got your phone number now, so I'm recording you.

Oh, no, we blocked that number.

Our number's blocked.

No, it's on a proxy.

We're calling from Sweden.

It's 206-158-9645.

No, no, no, no.

Yeah.

8-6-7-5-3-0-9-9.

Erin, I thought you said this was going to be blocked.

Now you're harassing so I can press charges.

You called us.

What charges are you going to press?

Can you name the state code, revised code?

All you know is hooker charges, lady.

It's okay.

Just keep talking.

I'll just get more stuff to press against you.

No, hang up the phone, bitch.

Well, I don't want anything of yours pressed against me, you fat slug.

Damn, tell him how you feel.

Shit just got real.

Is

Is the whale still on the phone?

Yeah, well, I want to know where her husband is,

because apparently he started crying and ran away.

Right.

Do you wear the big pants in the family there?

Man pants?

I'm calling again.

That's too...

We're cops.

Okay, I'm going to record so I can press charges.

We're cops.

Funny how everybody we call has a recorder and is a cop.

Yep.

Oh, yeah.

Never fails.

Fucking Zyklon.

Coming this season on Whale Wars.

Yes.

Gala.

Hey.

Oh, is this the man now?

The what?

Is this the man now?

Do what now?

How the fuck is this?

This is Brent Westwood.

Will you put the whale back on the phone?

The what?

The whale.

You know, like, sperm whale.

Shelby the whale.

Big fat bitch of life whale.

He loves that fucking do what now shit.

Do what now?

Damn it.

Where's that echo coming from?

It might be generated by me.

My bad.

Could be me too.

Could be all of us.

All right.

So can you...

The cop called him back, and he was just like,

can fuck you he was right he was on it yeah ken when are you getting a cam so you can take your

shirt off let me i don't know i'm sitting with my shirt off yeah it's done hey you still got that

couch no oh why did your wife eat it no i fucked your mom on it oh that would do it yeah well she's

dead so you'd have to fuck her underground yeah okay i'll leave him on now he done talked about

my mom those are fighting words look fuck your mom losing your connection yeah dropping i don't

don't know why it happens packets packets all right next on the board let's see maddie m-a-d-d-y

i'm guessing it's a girl has uh beats for sale i'm guessing those are the beats headphones

i don't know about them beats man they seem really expensive and they seem super popular

to be any good the voicemail box of bush i think we lost aaron is that dwight still

i am still here good good well well maddie yeah yeah hey maddie you have uh some beats for sale

oh yeah not anymore they're sold why'd you do that you stupid bitch why would you do that

exactly don't be scared that was your answer oh reach the voicemail box of seven

of boo hoo hoo all right jeffrey says she's got a new number sorry joy can you take this

i'm not 100 yeah i got it i think i'm gonna i'm gonna call milkman at midnight and just

to send the show because he's phased out on the measure.

Hey, Jeffrey.

What's up, man?

Yo, who's this?

It's Dwight.

You got the new number.

Oh, what's up, yo?

How you been?

Pretty good.

So what the fuck are you doing?

You still coming through to the Allstate place?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm coming, man.

Well, listen.

There's this guy that's been causing some fucking problems over there with me.

You want to help me jump him and shit tomorrow?

I ain't trying to do all that, man.

Chill out.

Well, I need you just to be a lookout.

out i'm gonna i'm gonna fuck this guy up no i ain't even trying to do all that come on just

just you know someone's coming around the corner just something like that and uh just let me know

give me a heads up all right i got you so you can do that tomorrow he got you there i'll try him

again i ain't trying to do all that man hey you want to raise some white bitches dwight let's go

yeah my phone disconnected uh we're gonna do it in the bathroom we'll just uh stand outside the

this guy up i'm gonna put his head in the toilet and we're gonna do it in the women's bathroom

damn i'll try one more time one more time one more time one more oh this is the white you said

hey listen i'm gonna fuck him too you want to get in on it what i'm gonna fuck him you want

to get something too no niggas come on they told me about you this is dwight dwight

Hey, nigga, I don't know the way you use it.

Don't use that language.

Listen.

You did like with the gay shit, people.

What?

Man, fuck that, man.

Oh, I think I'm like a fever right now.

I'm sweating.

Aaron, you're driving away from the problem.

What?

Yep.

Did Aaron make the show on the road?

Aaron went mobile like no fan would.

I'm here.

Hi, here.

All right, we're calling Sam.

Does it sound like ass now or what?

Just driving.

It's all right.

Not bad.

i'm all right all right sammo sammo gonzalez is free for a tattoo session oh yeah i know i want

a tattoo session yell it out before i do it ah forget gofund.me slash milkman help milkman out

please please please i already took my shirt off and gave 20 bucks i'm not doing another 25 dollars

i'm calling gary on tuesday nice where we at now 425 425 nice thank you so much rita's getting a

call on tuesday i'm gonna ask her on a date and if we get another 25 bucks i'll call uh gary and

do the same you guys have no idea how much milkman's gonna appreciate this i'm so excited

i really hope he picks up please leave your message for you know what i'll take my pants

off for 600 how about that no i'm kidding no no no no no it's been laying the gauntlet it's been

just kidding all right the baskington is up big bass big baby all right all right come on windows

work with me allison asking if anyone's interested in being a dj for a wedding yeah i play her some

tunes but here's what i'll play play a bunch of gangster rap play my vacuum cleaner i'll play a

lot of easy e dr two live crew hello yeah hi you're looking for someone to dj a wedding yes

all right what kind of music you guys needing exactly who is this oh my name is dj cross okay

What kind of music?

It would be Christian and country music

Alright, okay

I got some jars of clay that work

That's the only Christian music you have?

I can download some more

I can download some

You can give me a list of who you want

I'll make sure I have the music

I'll pirate it

How much do you charge?

$120

$120?

$120 and I do a shirtless DJ

I take my shirt off and do it

and 150 i keep the shirt on hello i'm sorry what did you say i said for 120 i'll do the entire

wedding um with my shirt off while i dj and for 150 i'll keep the shirt on that doesn't

that doesn't make any sense well um i usually dj with my shirt off like i take my shirt off and dj

usually but if it's a formal event like that that you don't want to see me with my

shirt off in front of everybody then i'll just do 150 then we can do 150.

I think we'll have to pass

Alright, so 120 and I'll keep my shirt on

But I'll take my

I'll take my pants off and fuck the bride

I'm giving him 30 bucks

Can you call him back with a different number?

Yeah

Yeah, I'm your DJ

I am your DJ, yo

Or it could be Bernice

I'm your DJ for the night

Imagine what Bernice would play

Alright, ID is changed

And you're in

You need a DJ?

Shit, come on.

I had a local area to go at that time and everything.

Come on, baby.

Let me do that wedding for you.

Dude, Dwight, you had a good show last night with the incoming Craigslist stuff, man.

That was epic.

I love that shit.

Thank you.

Yeah, a lot of people helped with that.

I still crack up.

I listened to a little bit of it again last night and that girl that was calling about the bed.

And I was like, how old are you?

She's like 16.

I was like, do your parents know that you're going to have sex on this bed?

You know what, asshole?

aaron you keeping up on the podcast at least and stuff i'm trying to you know we got a podcast for

pcn man i know i heard i heard yeah it's uh what's a podcast it's uh yeah an itunes just look in the

store look for prank call nation or uh you can go you can subscribe at prank call nation.com

slash podcast as a matter of fact it takes you there what's what's on itunes uh exactly that's

That's what I would say, too.

It's out there.

It's on the website.

There's a big subscribe button.

There's subscribe buttons all over the site.

You can't miss it.

PrankCallNation.com.

You have a computer, Aaron?

Nope.

Oh, you don't have the blue E.

I have AOL dial-up.

Oh, I don't think they get us some dial-up anymore.

Hello?

Hey, how are you?

Good.

How are you?

I'm here with my shirt off.

I'm doing pretty good.

Let's see.

You got a glider rocker in ottoman for $60?

Nope.

Why not?

I don't have one.

Did you sell it?

Nope.

I think you got the wrong number

You're the same motherfucker from last time

I don't know who you're talking about

I want to DJ your wedding

Yeah, we're going to get somebody different

No, come on

I'll take my shirt off and I'll kiss the bride all over

Make her comfortable

Well, I tell you what

That ain't going to happen, but that's okay

Yeah, but I'm going to go

Because I'll watch on Facebook for where it's going to be

And I'm going to go

I hope I'm the one that catches the girder

So I can take it off of my teeth

Well, I really hate to tell you, but if you show up at that wedding, you're going to be escorted out on your butt.

It's public property. You can't do that.

I can do that.

No, you can't, motherfucker.

I will do that.

I'll have you taken out for threatening to have me taken out of public property.

I don't give a shit.

Buddy, let me tell you something.

I've already been to jail.

I don't give a shit about beating a worthless piece of shit like you out.

So it doesn't matter to me.

Is that where they fucked you at?

That's what they'll go after.

I'm going to fuck you out, so it's all good.

They fucked you in the jail, huh?

And now you're going to get married?

Yeah, they fucked me in the jail.

You're getting married now so you can try to prove that you're not gay?

Do you know what I do for a living?

Hmm, what?

Do you know what I do for a living?

You're a cop, let me guess.

No.

You're a UFC fighter.

No.

You're a senator.

No.

Penis salesman.

You sell penises.

No.

No, I don't do that either.

Do you suck dick?

No, I don't want to take your job.

Oh, that's your wife's job.

That's right.

She's damn good about doing it, too, let me tell you.

How much do you get paid?

You're never going to find out, so it's all good.

All right.

So you're a pimp, then.

Okay, we got it.

All right.

I'm not a pimp, either.

I don't want to take your job.

So what do you do, then?

What's the punchline?

There ain't no punchline.

My point is, you don't know me from Jack, so, you know, it's all good.

I know.

And I got your number.

I got your number.

You're an unemployed motherfucker.

It's all good.

You're an unemployed motherfucker.

It's all good.

I got your phone number.

That's all I needed.

Now, it's all good.

What's going to happen?

I don't know.

I guess you're not going to find out, will you?

You're a snitch.

You're going to call the cops.

Don't be a snitch, man.

Don't be a snitch.

Don't worry about it.

Don't be a snitch-ass bitch.

All I got to say, you sure don't know how to run a business professionally.

I can tell you that right now.

I'm a fucking DJ.

Who cares?

I show up to my job high every week.

I'm stoned at my job

Every time I work

Oh god

Oh yes I know

Wait I thought you guys were Christians

We do Christian music

You don't sound very Christian

You gonna talk about raping us and stuff like that

God knows

No rape

Yeah you said you're gonna take us to jail

And fuck us and all this stuff

No I'm not gonna rape him

I ain't gonna touch the guy

But I guarantee there's gonna be some people there that's going to

do you think your wife wants some of this big black i don't have to i don't have to touch him

i guarantee you i don't have to touch him i got tools i got so many friends i won't have to worry

about that situation i'm gonna come with the dj and i'll escort you out motherfucker what is

jesus christ gonna say about that while you're playing the christian music it's all good it's

all good it's all good i got you guys it's all good because you can just apologize later on

you can just be a piece of shit your whole life and go to church and that makes everything okay

I've got friends in high places, so it's all good.

Okay.

What's all good?

I'm really confused about this all good situation.

Don't you worry about that.

Can you put your husband back on the phone?

I got your number, so it's all good.

Can you put the man back on the phone, sweetheart?

No, I can't put the man back on the phone.

Oh, by the way, why don't you do me a favor?

What's that?

If you do call this number back again and start to keep harassing this number,

I guarantee you there's going to be some

situation happen that you wish will never happen

are you

is it going to be the raptor

this is all vapor

vapor threats

like steam in the air

nothing has substance

you can take it as you want it it's all good

it's all good

there's more substance in the milk I put in my coffee this morning dude

it's alright you guys keep talking

it's all good

here's the thing

you're going to hang up the phone now

No, you ain't going to have the DJ job.

I can tell you that straight up right now.

You're not going to have the DJ job.

Oh, well, we don't want the DJ job because we don't want your dirty Christian money.

Good.

I'm glad you don't want it because I wasn't going to give it to you anyway.

So it's all good.

It's a win-win situation.

So if you can't put the man back on the phone, can you just hang it up now?

No, I'm not going to hang up.

You don't want to call me.

So, yeah, it's whatever you want to do.

Put the phone down, sweetheart.

Go get your cranberry juice.

You know, go sit and watch Alan Degenerate.

Hey, I'm recording all this, so let's go ahead and keep talking.

It's all good.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, you have a call recorder?

I do, and it's all good because I got it going right now, so just keep talking.

What brand of call recorder is it?

Because I've been looking to get a new one.

Don't worry about what brand it is, sir.

Don't worry about what brand.

Just keep going.

All I'm saying is you do not have the job, and that's all I have to tell you.

And if you keep calling this number, you will be getting notified.

fight how many how many teeth are going to be in the wedding party like 11 like nobody there

please keep going you guys just keep going please keep going where are we going to go

your wife says you guys are just digging yourself in in deeper so just keep please keep going because

i've already told you you don't have the job and now this is a turned into harassment which is good

for me so just keep going it's a harassment it is so what what what do you think is going to happen

when you turn your recording into the...

Because I didn't have the job.

Or whatever, or your cousin, or whatever.

So now you guys are just harassing us.

So just keep going.

I got your number, so it's all good.

Sir, you just need to hang up the phone.

No, you're the one that called me, sir,

so I don't have to hang up nothing.

I want to keep this recorder going

so I can have more evidence, so it's all good.

Well, what evidence are you speaking of?

Because I know you don't have a car recorder

because you're a piece of shit and you live in a trailer.

It's all good.

I got your number, so it's all good.

Okay.

What's the number?

The number you called.

No, no, no.

You said you got my number.

What is it?

Don't worry about the number I got.

Just don't you worry about nothing.

It's all good.

So you guys don't even have caller ID in your trailer?

Well, see, that's where you're mistaken.

You don't understand nothing.

No.

Yeah, we live in a trailer.

Yeah, you're right.

We live in a trailer.

That's right.

I forgot all about that.

I knew it.

All right, I got to take a shit.

Yeah, we got to go, man.

We're going to go sucker each other's dicks, all right?

It's all good.

good it's all good all right it's all good all right bye love you all right yep whatever

what was it gonna tell him just keep talking keep talking all right motherfucker we will

all right coming up next he showed us no he did we're gonna find out i'm pretty scared what do

you think's gonna happen so i copied that dude's number uh hey can you um would you mind uh copy

pasting that deborah number glider rocker and ottoman for so i i pasted over it with the uh

wrong phone number dwight are you there oh yeah so we don't lose it thanks buddy yeah no one else

wants to be on the air tonight what's going on which one do you want now the guy you just called

or the glider rocker uh after the one after with the rocker okay yeah i meant to call that one and

luckily i accidentally pasted over it do you know of anyone else who wants to join the show baz or

anybody should i just drop them in here instead of asking uh baz said he was gonna join in like

45 minutes i told him the show would be over by then i might stay on i'm feeling a little better

I will take a break.

Not yet, but I will take a break.

Just to get my legs about me.

Let me just drop a few people.

Zyklon says he wants to be on.

Holy shit.

I don't think I have him on.

Can you give him?

He wants the info.

Yeah.

Would you mind?

Yeah, no problem.

Make sure you drop the N-bomb, like, right away.

Yeah.

Remind him that we're trying to stay away from using the N-word so much.

And as I pass Matt Hill off.

I'm not Adam.

I love the guy.

I think I dropped Baz in there, too.

All right.

They can all join at the leisure if they want to if anyone else wants to join. Let me know. What's up DS

Dpds

Thank you. Thank you. Let me get zyklon on here. Oh, Jesus Christ Carly. Don't check the tool you guys

Jesus Christ, it better be real money. I think I closed the window. What is it? Can you tell me and you put it?

We have reached five hundred and twenty-five dollars. Holy shit. Are you kidding? No way. That's awesome

You guys fucking rock.

I love you guys so much.

Yeah, totally.

I did not hear what happened to Milkman at all until today.

Thanks to a gentleman named Ben who just added a $100 donation.

Holy crap, really?

Thank you, Ben.

And Australia.

Wow.

All right.

I'll go through.

Before the show's over, I'll thank everyone.

They came in so fast that GoFundMe just said it would only send me some of them hourly

that I can log in to see.

so let me open that page up again bob vance wants to know if he could be on bob vance bob vance who's

bob vance he's the one who usually calls in for btr for me the one that's always talking about

medical peyote oh that guy yeah sure that'd be fun why not why not let's have fun with it tonight

i think i got him i think i can yeah drop him in and drop him yeah do a dead drop cyclone what

have you been up to how are the gun sales going are you still doing that shit yeah it's tech

tax refund season so it has been busy it's been busy will you guys do the tax refunds there for

the customers no okay i know some places would do that you would have uh loved my show yesterday

zyklon uh heisenberg went and put out ads on backpage for an ak for sale and they were all

calling in they were calling into the show to me and i kept telling them that like oh no no it's a

it's on backpage it's a gay uh fuck party we're having it's we got 47 men over here it's the

the ak party and they were getting fucking pissed oh dude i gotta hear this then just like have fun

told one guy that uh that i got it from a gay club that has an attachment

you pull the trigger and it just starts like injecting the dildo into the man's ass

you gotta get your attachment yeah the mexican guy said he'd turn it on us he's like what

He's like, what the fuck?

I said, oh man, you can't get it.

Turn it on us on good white people.

You guys were total

daggers to that guy earlier.

Which one? The DJ

airing? Yeah, the DJ guy.

Because I can't say the other N words,

so I can say daggers. Well, thank you for

helping out. Is Bob going to join?

What happened? I dropped him.

He's trying to connect.

Let me know if I need to try

all right again okay let's go let's continue get some more numbers could ever get that number from

you do it oh you put it in uh okay i'm looking in the wrong skype chat just a second bob can't

come in that's weird it's showing he's in yeah i'll take a double look at it to see if i'm doing

something maybe i'm blocked or something i don't know all right we'll do deborah who's trying to

get rid trying to sell for 60 yes 60 a glider rocker and an ottoman let's ask if they had sex

on it because that's funny ask her what the best position to use on it is your call has been

forwarded to an awesome but good for ass never mind all right i don't think i did this one yet

big jenna who's got a new number that's all we got hey according to the chat room up to 525 bucks

now good it's awesome i think i did that once you got my number well if anyone calls me

hello

yeah jenna yeah this is eddie i was just on the phone with the phone company they said

that you took my number what that you took my number no i didn't take your number yeah you did

no my my fiance dialed the wrong number and he dialed you no this number that i'm

this number that i'm calling now used to be my number the 4973 number no it's always been my

number it's been on my ipad yeah but it never it never rang to your ipad before doesn't matter it

was my ipad number no no it was working for me from voice calls and they were sending mms and

text sms to you only on the ipad now i lost it because of you well it's not because of me it's

because they gave me a phone because my ipad broke and i didn't want a new ipad i needed a new phone

You're really stupid, you know that?

I want my phone number back.

Can we go together to an AT&T store or whatever

and get it back for me, please?

You call me stupid.

You call me at 12 o'clock at night

and you ask me to go somewhere with you.

You're also ugly.

You look like a Jew bag.

Okay, I'm going to report you if you call me again.

Have a good night.

Yeah, whatever.

Okay.

Time for reporting.

Enigma, are you here?

Oh, I didn't say this.

I didn't tell you guys this.

Did I tell you guys that I snorted cayenne pepper today?

No way to do.

I bet that got your nose running.

It worked.

It helped my sinus problem out a lot.

And it got rid of my sinus pressure headache.

But it hurt for about five minutes.

It burned like nothing's burned in my nose before.

Oh, my God.

Now you don't have a septum.

Yeah, exactly.

exactly filled up some immunity to pepper spray yeah totally i should keep doing it no dude

it works your sinus problem uh new total 575 wow thanks again thank you everybody you guys are

awesome looks like that one money came in from lonesome loser lonesome's out there lonesome

$50 thanks lonesome your pants are coming off right yeah i heard it yeah no maybe maybe maybe

we'll see you know there's a chance there's a chance probably not though oh my god new total

775 get out of here i'm not bullshit he's right dashy with a 200 donation wow dashy thanks dashy

now they're just trying to outbid each other well i guess well i said if uh we hit uh or where was

it i said if we hit 600 i was gonna call that crazy fucker that uh randy taylor the one that

They claimed we sent them 20 pizzas.

Yeah.

I guess I'm calling Rita, Gary, and that fucker tomorrow or on Tuesday.

You keep digging a hole, man.

You're going to have a big show coming up.

What if you have to go on a date with all of us?

What if they accept?

I'll send Gary in my place.

Oh, no.

You're going to have to do some dating, man.

You better get that chapstick out.

Oh, yeah.

Go ahead.

I was totally hoping you were going to do that.

Oh, fuck, yeah.

To the whale wars, people.

all right um arthur says they have a registered twh for sale any idea what kind of dog that is i

guess asking 400 for her twh off the top of my head i have no idea it's a tennessee walking horse

oh it's a horse all right great yeah the problem though is that people will get those horses and

they use chemicals to make them walk to make them walk yeah because it's there's a particular gate

Which is why they're good

And whenever people get caught

Occasionally people around here will get caught doing that

Oh, that's horrible

Hi, Zyklon

Hey, Brad

Having a sad moment

Yeah, we're talking about horse abuse

Can I not make fun of Zyklon then?

Oh, you can do whatever you want, buddy

It's your network

It will be after I die

Did you see my man boobs?

Did you get to see them?

Yeah, they were amazing

It's amazing. I took photos.

Oh, nice.

Screenshots.

The voicemail box of...

Arthur Ellison.

I'm sorry, my numbers were crap.

They answered.

Yeah, just like one or two.

I wasn't nervous about taking my shirt off.

The voicemail box of...

That guy won't talk.

It's almost midnight.

Hey, I felt bad about the whole numbers thing, so I got you some pizza numbers if you'd like them.

You can call from the pizza.

All right.

can i just post them here in skype or can you put them in a in a private skype message to me so i

can grab them easier sure and mr clay yeah absolutely if i still had that i'll fucking

cut you bitches number i would put a monetary value up and i would call her back

i did say i was gonna take a break let me take a break and i'll do that um so that we can come

back it'll be midnight and i'll surprise me i'll find yeah all right i approve excellent you

approved let me paste these though hang on because i already copied them already did half the work

all right so when we come back i'm not taking off any more clothes but you're welcome to right now

shit we have pizza numbers from brad we have more numbers from dwight off of the facebook

dirty aaron enigma dark stranger dwight rbcp and zycon are all joining me we'll have milkman

and i want to again thank everyone who's donated this is some very amazing we're gonna help our

friend out i must say we're quite proud of our network here that's crazy how nice people are

I didn't think anyone liked Milkman, but I guess I was wrong.

I could have held up for $800 to take my shirt off.

Shit.

Yeah.

Damn.

All right, I'll be right back in about six.

Thank you.

Let's try it out.

They put your GPS in your box and a trapdoor at the bottom.

So when you die, you open that trapdoor at the bottom,

you check the GPS, and you go straight to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

Yeah.

All right, we're back.

Welcome.

$800.

All right.

We're hit $800.

Great.

That's awesome.

All right.

Thank you, everyone.

Thanks again for doing that donation thing, helping out our buddy Milkman.

I'm going to try to get him on the line now.

Hopefully he can answer.

Knowing him, he'll take a long time to answer.

Oh, shit, I got to get this phone number.

I don't think he has any idea this is happening.

I'm pretty sure I was able to keep it a secret long enough.

Although I did make the rounds on YouTube.

Rather, on Facebook.

He might have caught it there.

Number right in front of me now.

All right.

Answer, damn it.

Answer.

If he doesn't answer, I keep the money.

Ha ha.

Milkman, I'm so happy you answered.

It's Carlito.

Hey.

Working?

You driving your taxi?

The one you have to pay for and all that bullshit?

Listen, I got good news.

I have to admit that I lied to you about something.

No, I've been on the air for two hours already.

Oh, sorry.

all right and all right my signal sucks man you know i can't even get in dude i have no bandwidth

well there's a reason all right listen before you i don't want you to be upset all right i'll tell

you why um i created a like a fundraiser web page um and we took a donation for you from the

community and you will never guess how much we've reached so far dude no don't do that man it's done

it's too late milkman we raised eight hundred dollars for you man i'm not kidding you what

yes we've raised eight hundred dollars

it's done it's done man i'm serious yeah because we love you right guys we love milkman don't we

no i'm telling you listen i'm gonna get this to you this week as soon as i am i'm gonna

As soon as the funds get moved over to me

And then I'm going to get you

You're serious, man

I'm serious

Yes, yes

What the fuck, dude

No way, man

Yes, yes

Oh, man, I feel horrible, man

We all know you've been going through

You've been going

You're lying on me, man

Yeah, we did

Because we know you've been going through a rough time, man

And when you need help

And the community wanted to

Wanted to help out, man

It's horrible

Anyway, don't talk about bad stuff

No, no, no

Yeah, but listen

Thank my God, you guys

I wish you don't do that, man

Seriously

seriously you needed it no we all know you needed it look when when the dead was you know and other

people were telling me yeah i really appreciate it i cannot believe it you're really not joking

me i'm not joking you you want you want a web page to go to so you can see it i'll give you

the web page i can't see anything now dude but i mean if you want to text me i got work

Yeah, I'm ready to pick up a customer.

Yeah, it's go.

Yeah, I'm not kidding.

Type nice things so we can save them.

Yeah, I know you're not in the chat, but we're going to.

I can tell you.

George says milkman a good man.

He deserves it.

I can't believe it.

And then he stroked his cock.

Yeah.

Unbelievable.

Yeah, you got.

I want to go through real quick.

Not a waste.

It's an investment in our dairy future.

There you go.

You see, you can't.

Oh, my God, man.

You guys are the greatest, man.

Thank you so much, man.

Thank you, Jesus.

Thank you, everybody.

Praise the J.

Jesus didn't even donate.

So fuck that asshole.

Oh, shit.

Jesus caused you to be in an accident.

I won't hold it against him.

I'll give him a break.

I'm sorry, Christian.

All right.

Listen, you got Uncle Runkle was the last donation.

He put you at 800.

I want to let you...

I don't even know who this is, man.

Seriously, man.

Thank you, man.

Yeah.

Yeah, Dashie gave the biggest donation, which is $200.

Oh, no, man.

Holy crap.

Hey, now.

Everybody shows love.

Yeah, everyone showed love.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

You got, yeah, Lonesome Loser sent you a donation.

Shake.

Oh, that's hard.

Ben Kilburn, he does the Madhouse Classics videos.

There's a whole Andrew Carl.

Kremsland or whatever.

uh he just kicked in another five 805 805 now milkman you're at 805 now they take out fees

seriously man i feel like a big eel man no you need to worry about it's not like you asked for

it they just gave it to you it's just a gift people are doing it because they love you

so you don't have to say no take it use it good man yeah you hear what dark stranger said you

were talking over she said people did it because they love you yeah so you have to use it i love

I love you too, D.S.

You guys are the greatest.

Yeah, man.

You know, you guys have always been my beloved.

Everybody, man.

All of it.

All of it's good and bad, man.

I love all of you guys.

Yeah, now listen.

I couldn't be Madhouse without you, Milkman.

And I didn't mention it.

I took my shirt off, and I was on camera for 30 minutes with my shirt off and my purse

shirt off.

You took your shirt off on camera?

What do you mean?

What?

Because the first goal was $300, and I...

Oh, no.

You're kidding me, dude.

You really did that, man?

Yeah.

I had my shirt off.

He doesn't...

I know I knew you wouldn't believe it

There's a YouTube video of it

You'll see it on YouTube

It's me with my Hershey kisses nipples

That's the most embarrassing thing

I've ever done publicly in my life

Oh I love you

I don't take my shirt off at the pool

860

I just got to my customer

Can I call you back

Yeah call back

See ya

I'll talk to you after the show

show thank you man bless you god bless everybody yeah you man you too all right let's go on and

lose another job i i won't uh i won't say his name uh first name tony tony kicked in 50 bucks

thanks he doesn't care tony simic he's the best oh god i did i just lord spoon kicked in another

five wow thanks you got emotional i see gan off pimp is showing off screenshots of me i can't

believe i did that oh my god he's probably uh crying to his customer right now you know what

my romano just called me oh man i'm sure he'll tell them that was kind of emotional he's he

doesn't he half doesn't believe it still though he's like uh what hey hey next next time he calls

can you say you're just kidding him you're messing around with him yeah oh no oh shit all right let's

this was all an elaborate ruse

it's like throwing puppies against a wall

or something

hey we gotta call pizza numbers before they get stale

the pizza will get stale

alright the first one here

oh I gotta set my caller ID

alright good instructions

I like that Brad

so like the first one I sent

when I wrote it it was like 10 minutes old

so now it's like 20 minutes old

the last one is 90 minutes old

so you know it's from that

from 10 minutes to 90 minutes down the list

all right so we have a better chance probably from the top down i guess yeah yeah we'll just

do that that's what she said oh yeah all right um the name is lake okay lake yeah the names are all

weird like she a lot of them didn't even have last names it was like they're really just really

an informal there or something must be a small town yeah yeah it is you're not from the pizza

What's that? I don't know.

Sister or cousin.

What's Sandy on?

Pizza myself.

Hello?

Yeah, hi. I'm calling from the pizza. You had an order that you placed?

Yeah.

Did you get that order yet?

Yeah, I just picked it up here a few minutes ago.

Oh, yeah? And what's up with the tip? The driver just called me and said that the tip was shit.

The driver? I picked the pizza up.

Yeah, why didn't you tip the person at the counter?

I did.

How much did you tip?

Three bucks.

Why? That was it? Why couldn't you tip more? Was there a problem?

is there a problem here i didn't get mike i get a cut of the tip i'm the manager i get 50 of it

so you're telling me it was only worth a dollar 50 for me to make your stupid order really yeah

really you said it's only worth a dollar 50 of my time to make your stupid fucking order right

what's your name cross what is it cross cross cross yeah so you're calling me because i left

a three dollar tip or a pizza that i picked up yeah but listen there's you need a tip all the

The staff here all gets a cut.

I get 50% because I'm the manager.

The lady who puts the pizza in the box gets a share.

The person who makes your pizza gets a share.

The person who does a taste test of your pizza before it gets put in the box gets a share.

That's not fair, sir.

What are you trying to do?

What are you doing?

You're killing us.

So what did you expect me to do?

What would be a good tip for you then?

Based on your total?

$8.50.

Yes.

yes that would be appropriate and so what what is that 20 percent it's a little more than that

it's about 50 percent it was 23 dollars for them for both pizzas right uh yeah i don't know how to

do the math what do you um i don't know i can bring it up on the cash i can do it on the cash

register 15 i can do it on the cash register to find out that's the only way i know how to do the

numbers you know like i put the numbers in the cash register and it comes out and it says how

how much to give and take and all that?

Yeah.

That's how I do it.

Should I do that, do you think?

Well, I don't think it's appropriate to be calling a customer back

because you didn't give a big enough tip.

I can put Roy.

He was supposed to be your driver,

but since you decided to come in and get it,

he didn't get any tip.

Well, that's Roy's tough talk.

He's not going to be driving down the street.

You should have left him some.

This conversation is over, mister.

You need to apologize to Roy.

Yo, fucker.

Next time you get a pizza, I'm going to take away some of your slices.

Like you took away my tip, asshole.

Okay, Roy.

Hey, are you the asshole that didn't tip?

I didn't even get a tip.

He's putting Roy out of a job.

Yeah.

Fuck it.

I'll try him again.

Take half his pizza.

All right, real quick.

Skunky, thank you.

$15 for a spoon.

Five.

G-Man also with five.

Up to $8.80.

Oh, my God.

I'm going to feed my children on his pizza.

Should I stop it now?

I can turn it off.

I can just click on it and turn it off.

Hi, this is Mike Watson at 436-880-5412.

I don't know.

I mean, do you seem okay with it?

I just think he was not really...

He thought I was trolling him.

He's like, dude, that's...

He's a really fucked up troll if you're really trolling me.

He was thinking to himself.

He's like, knowing Carlito, he's fucking with me.

He's just not used to taking money from people like this.

Yeah, me too.

I wouldn't be.

That would suck.

But then again, I took my shirt off tonight, too.

Jesus.

Shouldn't you take it off again?

I mean, it was 300, and then we hit 600.

shouldn't you take it off for for another 30 i was clear i was clear with my my stipulations of

stuff pants no pants no nothing no no losing trousers is kind of like a joke thing it's only

fair maybe mrs morgan could throw some titties our way she had her shirt off yeah it was she

was brawling it though i want to see her nips yeah sorry that's disrespectful i've been there

i could have but no that'd be cheap people want to see the nips you know i don't want to be

behind and behind a woman's bra i don't need that uh i don't think my wife's bra would fit

williams has a delivery good just this time now we know it's a liver because i almost screwed up

the last one with the pickup thing one of you guys want it yo i wrote delivery on the last one

i thought that's what it was it's delivery who is it uh williams hello yeah is this williams

yes how you doing i'm with the pizza did you uh get your order yeah i did okay uh let me tell you

the driver came back

and expressed some displeasure to me

I'm the manager here

and I need to have a conversation with you

ok

he said that when he came over to do the delivery

there you gave him a

$2 tip and

when he asked

if $2 was it you told him to get

the fuck off of your property

what? yeah he said you used foul language

and you told him get the fuck out of here

no yeah and we don't

We don't take kindly to customers treating our delivery people like this.

Polaris in with another $10.

Polaris.

Don't burn your shirt, Polaris.

But thank you.

That's Kardashian's awesome, man.

$200 from that.

I can't believe it.

That's awesome, man.

God bless you all.

Seriously, even if you're an atheist, God bless you.

Too bad.

Take the blessing.

Hello?

Yeah, you hung up on me while we're having the conversation?

Well, yeah, because you're telling me I did something I didn't do.

Well, this is what the delivery driver reported back to me.

He said you also assaulted him that you pushed him.

He said you pushed him and you poked your finger into his chest.

Yeah, I said, have a good night and thank you.

And you poked him in the chest?

When he forgot my pop, had to go back to the store and bring it back.

I was very polite to him.

So that gives you a right to be an asshole to him?

I said nothing like that.

All right, listen, buddy.

You don't call this store to order no fucking pizza ever again.

I protect my employees.

I didn't say a single thing like that.

He said you poked him hard in the chest.

i didn't touch him said you poked him i didn't fucking touch him dude i was there's three people

in this house i know exactly what i said exactly how nice i was in the car and he was crying and

i told her he couldn't tell me what was wrong until he got back here and he was crying see

that's the driver you want me to put the driver on what the fuck dude hang on i'm gonna grab the

other phone nothing like that none of that happened hey hey all three of those people

They ganged up on me, Dwight.

Yeah, here.

Oh, you're confirming.

You were poking him?

See, they admit it.

Hello?

Yeah.

Hey, this is the other guy that's sitting here.

Braxton just literally gave that guy the chip,

and then he said, have a good night.

I recognize his voice.

That's the one that pulled the gun.

Oh, my.

You pulled the gun on my driver.

No, what are you talking about?

Nobody in the South even owns a gun.

It was like a toy gun with an orange chip,

nothing like that happened unless he was outside some neighbor or something did something we got

a girl in here too with his dog we're drying up her dog so i don't know what was the dog

but that's all made up huh you're doing what with the dog drying it off we just gave it a bath

yeah they tried to stick the dog did you try to get this homo dog to attack my driver

what are you talking about dude the dog's like this is a prank call or something nobody did

this is no prank call how would i know you ordered a pizza well that's why we ordered a pizza and that

was it nobody's got a gun nobody did anything the dog smaller than my hand you had a racist dog who

tried to attack my driver uh no not at all i think somebody that needs a way off the drugs it sounds

like what is your name it's going on the report what is your name yeah come back you can call

the police we'll deal with the police nothing even like that happened we got three witnesses so

i don't know what crazy drivers are doing but yeah three three witnesses that attacked me and

And then the one person kicked my car and dented it.

I'm sitting on the couch when the door was open.

I was watching him.

Nothing like that happened, man.

Of course you're going to say that.

Sounds like co-conspirators to me.

Co-conspirators, yeah.

Totally sober guy sitting here waiting with his friend to order a pizza and a girl on the couch.

Yeah, bring the cops.

I want to talk to the cops now.

They're going to start drama.

They're going to come by and they're going to bring a detective.

Go ahead.

Yeah, I'll call the cops right now.

They're going to match the dents in my car to your shoes.

The shoes?

I'm wearing slippers, so yeah, okay.

Okay, go ahead.

Unless maybe you're outside, man.

Nobody in the house did anything.

Did somebody from down the street do something or what?

You're just like assuming stuff.

Are you guys in the habit of ordering pizza and then beating up drivers?

Nobody beat anyone up.

Was there someone else outside that was walking down the street or what?

They tried to take my wallet, but I got away.

Did they get the money bag?

No, no, I got away before they could get it.

They tried to get in my car.

So, hey, listen real quick.

There's police down the street by Trampers.

Is somebody getting pulled over down there that was involved in this or what?

We didn't do anything, I promise you.

That's out for that.

He's full of shit.

Yeah, why would we call you if it was somebody else?

It don't make no goddamn sense.

I'm looking right over at police bikes right down the street.

I remember his voice.

Did he go off for us or is he on Russell, I mean?

Excuse me?

What the hell are you talking about?

I'm really being honest with you guys, dude.

Nobody like that here did anything.

I swear to you.

Like, nobody was quite, I mean, we wouldn't even do anything like that.

You said one of you.

I don't think, I don't know if it was you, the other guy, or the other person,

but you were, when you're poking him in the chest,

and you started making sexual remarks to him,

oh, nice ass, nice ass, and grabbed his ass.

So many Oaks walking by there,

or something because braxton braxton closed the door dude people eat like down there so maybe

somebody else did something i mean you didn't do anything but no it's the people i brought the

pizza to you're the only person on that street so it's you dude i'm trying to say it's the

neighbor i'm eating the pizza man like one of them we have no problem with that we didn't do it they

held up they held up twenty dollars and they said we'll give you this tip but you gotta you gotta

suck our dick what the fuck okay now listen you know maybe poking someone's one thing but making

and homosexual remarks, trying to get my driver

to fucking blow you, that's over the lines.

And then they didn't tip me.

I'm calling the police. We'll be calling you guys

in a few minutes. What are you going to tell them?

That you tried to get my driver to suck your dick?

That's prostitution, pal.

Damn.

All right. Give me a few seconds and we'll try them again.

Calling for pizzas.

Hey, call them back and say, oops, sorry, wrong person.

Either they're just calling back and be like,

yeah, I'm with the pizza.

We've been getting our customers are being pranked.

hello hey uh this is the driver again yeah hey uh we made a mistake it was actually a guy uh

like a half mile away i'm sorry i'm just really high tonight i i thought it was you but it was

actually this other guy sorry about that okay dude all right don't get an attitude bye don't

get an attitude about it that way at least you won't call the cops yeah yeah it seems like what

the fuck with this piece of place with this the pizza um yeah it's going to be wandering

yeah anyway um my shirt taking off is done but where are we at now 8.95 is it ken that's

8.95 thanks everybody and i will do a rundown thank everyone individually and i mean you heard

milkman he doesn't believe he doesn't 100 believe it yeah he thinks i'm letting sitting him up for

for the most horrible troll ever.

I'm just kidding, bastard.

I got you.

You should have done that for real.

Yeah, I should have.

Fuck this shit.

Someone's asking,

I forgot who,

in Tiny Chat.

Yeah, we're using the Cactus This

Tiny Chat tonight, I guess,

because I did not set up,

start up the Prank Call Nation one.

So Cactus This,

tinychat.com slash Cactus This,

if you want.

Everybody's shirtless tonight.

Shirtless for Milkman.

I saw a lot of people shirtless.

I don't have a webcam to it,

but I am shirtless.

this i'm not bullshitting here i'm gonna rub my mic here that's my chest here

i just got ear raped by ken's hair enjoy it no oh man i'm really gonna regret what i did today

tomorrow like i'm gonna wake up like i really did all right kalita kalita had a carryout order

anyone want it i'm in all right go for it i'm out i got more don't worry next one is no name

but uncle robert lane uncle robert toucher just ask for that local robert bear are these west

coast they were up recently should be eating pizza still just finishing it the further down

the list the longer it's been though we'll try mike big mike hey it's mark leave a message

mark mark spelled m-i-k-e i'm dumb i don't know how to spell can't be any worse than

jayad now i had a black friend named mark in high school and his dad said mock mock mock give me the

cigarettes mock all right the next one is going to be gregory i think that's how you pronounce it

right how else would it be you're still on dirty arrow i'm waiting it's a delivery by the way

gordo sent me a number to a guy who's apparently selling parts to a peacekeeper missile what can

you do that it's uh i sent you the link in the uh in your private uh skype but just the link

he sent me is the interface board military surplus peacekeeper missile computer part

are we sure it's not an fbi agent trying to capture al-qaeda cells in the united states

show up in a van this is flowers by irene yeah hi is that brett oh he's downstairs what's erin's

yeah i gotta put erin on the phone whoops sorry hello i'm with the pizza driver yeah did you guys

already eat finish the pizza yeah we finished it oh okay well we made a mistake huh he picked

the pizza oh he picked it up yeah well here's the situation is that we were you know we're

getting the end of the night we're getting ready to clean up and we uh you know found the pizza

sauce or whatever and we it was all out of date and we went to pour it out there was like little

rat babies like inside of the of the pizza sauce oh rat we do i don't know well i mean if i guess

if you have any symptoms or you feel sick or anything just let us know but uh i mean there's

a good you probably ingested you know rat feces i don't know if that's gonna be it shouldn't hurt

you know because there's enough chemicals and stuff in the uh in in the pizza in the in the

pizza sauce that it probably killed any problems i'll see if i can find brett okay yeah call call

me back at this number i thought you said he's downstairs you can't yeah where is he well i can

i can hold i just want to make sure that everybody's okay i can hold all right what's he

he taking a shit i'm calling uh brett does he live at home are you his dad or what it's pizza

hut grab the phone okay he's coming okay how old is he i don't know he'd be on the phone just a

minute okay is he just over visiting or does he live with you no he's there hello brett yes hi

uh i'm calling with the pizza yeah did your did uh was that your father there on the phone

yeah it was okay he seems like a fine american um the uh the the issue is i was letting him know

that uh we were doing our nightly cleanup and we found some of the pizza sauce you know it was kind

of uh it was like outdated and when we poured it out there was um rat uh babies inside of the

inside of the pizza sauce so i mean if you have any symptoms or anything like that just just let

us know and we'll uh you know we'll comp you with like you know like a free cheese pizza small

what the hell is this is it no no joke i mean i don't i don't i'd rather be at home as my

My shift's over, but, you know, I got to make sure.

You know, I'm going to get in trouble for this anyway.

I just want to call anybody who got this pizza sauce and make sure that they're going to be all right.

I don't know.

I don't know if it's going to hurt anybody or anything because we cooked it, you know.

What's your name?

What's that?

My name is Brent.

Brent.

What's your last name?

Westwood.

Westwood?

Yeah.

And, you know, here's the thing.

I don't even work at this location, so I was just filling in.

Probably a good thing I'm calling.

You know, if it was a regular guy, he probably would have just let it go.

But I think since they cooked the pizza that, you know, it probably wouldn't hurt anything.

So if there's a problem, you can just call us back and we'll, you know, like I say,

probably get you like a side of pizza sticks and a cheese pizza or something, you know, for the hassle.

This is, but this is, you know, I mean, if this ever gave us symptoms,

obviously we'd be filing a lawsuit against Pizza Hut.

Well, I mean, here's the thing about a lawsuit, sir,

is that there's really not going to be any loss.

I mean, if you got sick and...

I don't know who this is, but it sounds like a damn joke.

Well, I mean, trust me, I'd rather be at home, you know,

watching, like, some black girl porn

than calling and talking to you about this bullshit, but, you know.

What's your name again?

But really, here's Brent Westwood.

I don't... Do I need to say it a little louder?

Hello?

Is there two people on the phone? I'm getting confused.

Are you guys, like, upstairs, downstairs, or what?

Oh, we've got two of you. Okay.

Okay, so who do I got to talk to?

No.

All right, thank you.

All right, fuck you then.

I don't think they bought it.

I thought I sounded pretty legit.

Black girl porn?

Neon made it.

Did she make it?

Neon.

Hey, Neon.

Hello, hello.

Hi, Neon.

What's up?

Hi.

Hey, Neon.

Neon, did you miss me on YouTube with my shirt off?

I did.

I was eating dinner.

Lucky you.

Yeah, good thing.

If you were eating dinner.

Chocolate.

you missed the dessert

Carlito was counting down the fucking minutes

he's like alright I got

I got 5 minutes and 23 seconds

left

but all for a good cause

all for a good cause

our buddy Milkman

I'm so happy with the community

especially some of those really large donations

saying thank you so much

and I know you heard him already but

Milkman very appreciative

and he is his help

um all right the next pizza is a nerd well it says the name is nurse i'm guessing she's the nurse at

this place maybe you know yeah i asked i asked the lady about that she didn't even know she said

she thought that was weird but those people were still on oh um my bad uh all right so that's all

we know a nurse okay could be a name i knew someone named doctor doctor lawyer middle name

that place totally would have a nurse they have a nurse on staff she said they don't even put area

codes on the computer no that was possible well you live in a weird place you have like the same

area code for a thousand miles or something you live in like the last stop for plane flights on

the way to europe before they cross the ocean um kim why did i get rid of last name stupid

stupid kim has an online order for the pizza all right anyone want it holla holla kimmy kim kimmers

holla holla oh say say they stole something from the lobby yeah

if it's steven no it's kim oh sorry ignore me from the car from the driver hello hello kim hello

yes kim yes hi this is oh excuse me i dropped something uh this is brent with the pizza hut

How are you?

I'm good, thank you.

How was your pizza?

Oh, we didn't order pizza, but our meal was fine.

Oh, okay.

Well, was this a pickup?

I'm getting conflicting reports about we had a theft happen.

I can't remember.

Was it from the driver?

Hello?

Hello.

Someone's accusing you of stealing from the store.

Someone is accusing me from stealing from your store.

Yes, from the pizza hut.

I believe it was the driver.

You did have it delivered, correct?

Yes, we did have a delivery tonight.

Okay.

And we paid for our food with a check.

Uh-huh.

And then also gave a $5 tip.

Well, the check bounced.

That's the problem.

We usually don't take checks from people in your neighborhood, but, you know, the driver, he's going to have to pay for it out of his pocket.

So, unless we can collect from you.

Okay.

So, okay.

Let me get a pen here.

Okay.

Now, I don't know why you would think my check bounced, because it is...

Well, I mean, we have the thing where as soon as you get back, they run it through the little machine, and it says, you know, no good, you know, white trash people.

Okay, so what is your name?

My name is Brent.

Brent.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, and your phone number?

Whatever it came up as.

What's the number that came up?

We have several lines, so I don't know.

I'm in the back office.

Oh, okay.

Well, you can just give me your number to your store, can't you?

Sure, just a sec.

I'm only working here temporarily.

I'm actually from another store.

Oh, well, why don't you give me your contact number at your other store?

And what's your last name?

Oh, no, I have a 406-254.

What's your last name, Brent?

Westwood.

Like the porn star.

Like the point.

Okay, and which store are you at right now?

What do you mean?

Like the store number?

Or like the location?

Well, it's 1030 at night.

and it is rather inappropriate for you to be calling at my home this late at night.

So I'm going to make a visit to your store and see you in person tomorrow.

You know, what's that?

I said I'm going to come and make a visit and see you in person tomorrow.

So I just wanted to know which store you were going to be at.

I don't work tomorrow, honey.

Well, I'm sure you won't mind meeting me since you're accusing me of theft.

Well, it's just a bounced check.

I mean, you know, it's like the oldest trick in the book.

Look, you're hungry, you know, and you don't have any money, so you call the pizza delivery and you just steal from our store.

I think you're bullshitting me.

Why would I do that?

Why aren't you swearing at me?

That's not nice.

Because I think this is a bullshit call.

So why don't you?

Why are you?

I want to know why you're fucking retarded.

They're cute.

Oh, no, they're cussing.

You're cussing.

You swore at me, man.

They're saying that our check bounced.

uh yeah they said that normally they don't take checks in this white trash neighborhood

and i checked he won't tell me what store he's at well that sounds like a threat you know i

this is this is very interesting because um well i don't usually work at this store so i don't know

i'm just here you know the somebody called what was the driver's name let's see what do we have

have anything to what was the driver's name are you asking me the driver's name no i'm asking the

fellow sitting next to you of course i'm asking you why are you why are you getting an attitude

ma'am you're i can't tell if you're talking to your whoever you're there with you know your

boyfriend or whatever it's a little hard for me to explain that to you but um i have what

what is the uh what is what is the uh the name of the driver name is shane okay shane all right

Oh, excuse me. I'm wrong. It was Brad. I have him here if you'd like to talk to him.

Yes. I'll talk with him.

All right.

Hello, ma'am. This is Brad.

Hi. Who am I speaking with?

This is Brad.

Brad. Okay, Brad. So, Brad.

Why'd you say my name like that?

You came to my house tonight?

Yes, ma'am.

Right. And do you remember who handed you our payment?

I don't have to answer that. I'm not the one on trial. This check is worthless, though, so thanks for that. It comes out of my pocket.

Oh, oh, yeah, I don't think that's the case, but, um...

Why don't you learn how to pay your bills?

What's your last name?

I don't have to tell you that.

Oh, well, I figured if this is legit, you would have no problem telling me that.

Hold on one moment, please.

Can I bring this check back to you, and maybe you can just shove it right up your fucking ass?

Oh, oh, yeah, why don't you bring it on up? I'll be waiting for you.

Okay.

What is going on with you guys? Hey, hold on. What is the deal with you guys?

Oh, I'll tell you what the deal is.

Your wife's got a fucking gross voice.

What's with the heavy breathing?

Does she like that all the time?

It sounds like she's going to have a goddamn heart attack.

What is wrong with you?

She needs to lay off the pizza, clearly.

Are you being serious right now?

Yeah, I think you should seriously take her to a doctor or something.

Why are you doing this?

It's one of those blood pressure machines at the store or something.

Why are you doing this?

Well, do I have to be nice to the lady that wrote me a bad check and I have to pay for it now?

If we did anything like that, it was unintentional.

So you've deposited the checks since 8.30 tonight, and it bounced on you is what you're saying.

No, stupid.

We run it.

It's like a phone number we call.

We put the check number and account number in.

I do know who you are.

I saw you.

So you better settle the hell down.

We cut checks to you guys once a week since our kitchen's been down.

That doesn't mean you can write a bad check every once in a while.

If indeed this is true, this is a mistake, and this is not how people handle things at all.

We don't have to show you respect if you write bad checks to us.

You can certainly drive to my house, and we can communicate face-to-face about it.

I'm not going to waste gas coming out there.

I already have to pay for this bad check.

I'll drive to you.

I'll come down to you and take care of this personally.

Good.

Do it.

So if you're saying we seriously bounced this check, which he's checking the computer right now,

I will drive down there and pay for this.

Leave your gross, fat wife at home, though, okay?

Excuse me?

I said please leave your gross, fat wife at home.

Okay, so which store are you at so I can come down and pay for this?

Which store are you at?

You know which one we're at.

How many are there here?

I have absolutely no idea.

There's three or four of them.

You say you order from here every week, and you don't know where it is?

We order from Pizza Hut every week.

So are you at the Pizza Hut down here on Brooks?

Of course, yeah.

Reserve, excuse me?

Yep, yep.

Okay, I'll be down there in a minute.

Good.

Leave your wife home.

She's not allowed here anymore.

She's a criminal.

Okay.

I can't find the hang-up button.

Come on.

Oh, shit.

Got it.

Oh, yeah.

So he's a restaurant.

He's using Pizza Hut food.

Is that what he said?

Is he reselling it?

Like, what the fuck?

He said his restaurant, there's something wrong with it.

He said ever since...

I think they must be remodeling their kitchen or something.

Yeah, he said they're eating there once a week.

Yeah, since the kitchen went down.

They weren't stupid white trash people, so they, you know,

it doesn't sound incredible.

They got money, you know.

They got enough money so that the tax return comes in,

they're like, oh, we'll remodel now.

Mistress Morgan just kicked in.

20, we're at 915.

Wow, thanks, Morgan.

Thanks, Momo.

Appreciate it.

Steven Aspinwall misbehaving and Tiny Chat got his ass booted.

You see?

Respect.

Mistress Morgan donated $20 because I said I'd show a nipple on Tiny Chat if it went to $1,000.

Oh, yeah?

All right.

But I'm probably going to just mysteriously disappear from online by that point.

Arby's going to be driving through a tunnel.

I'll just ban him at like $9.90.

Yes, thank you.

You get the tactical difficulty screen in Tiny Chat.

It just goes to static.

It's like, oh, fuck.

damn it oh shit what's weeping angel god it looks like his nipple on his video what the hell is that

ew weird why cam up if you're not gonna show anything dude anyway oh fuck we're at 9 50 now

uh anonymous chipped in another 35 oh anonymous good thanks for checking us out anonymous i love

the stuff you guys do excellent you're doing some good stuff out there no seriously whoever that was

thank you thank you and thanks right for helping out let's call that let's see if let's see if he

is left yet and the wife is there he probably left yeah you've got to stay home honey because

you're gross and fat thinking about it now i'm gonna leave the way hello hello did you leave yet

yeah i'm just getting in my truck right now try not to write any bad checks on the way you and i

are gonna have a serious discussion if you're actually let me let me tell you sir this uh check

and you're not so much rubber it's like a goddamn super ball that bounced so high that's what i

thought if you guys were actually there you guys would have issues with me right now yeah we're

We're not scared.

We're going to call security.

Brad, call security.

Security at Pizza Hut.

Yeah, give him a ring.

I'm sure security is going to be running to Pizza Hut.

We'll get security from the complex down here.

You better get him here.

Security here.

Yeah, we have a maniac.

He's coming down here because he's upset about his pizza.

Is this from the white trash neighborhood again?

Yeah, it's another one of those white trash people.

All right, well, we'll send somebody over.

He is on his way.

I heard the car.

What I was hoping was to keep him on until he got there, and then we'd call the restaurant and see what was going on.

We've got to call that location and tell them that, make up some story about some crazy guy that's fucking pissed off about his pizza.

All right.

Well, we can say that we're his something.

Neighbor.

Or no, his roommate or something like that, and he said he's crazy and he's pissed off and he's coming down there.

All right, cool.

Sounds good.

Tell them to lock the door.

Can we do that, Brad?

You think that's okay?

that's safe why not where is this 406 is montana is this in montana i think so yeah no it's not

actually not nowhere near montana what's 406 area oh my god you really have been out of the game for

a while i'm just changing the caller id don't say where it's at i'm telling your name quick

all right here we go and then neon's got to get some pranks in neon's no that's okay oh don't

start i'm just hanging out piss me off what's going on devin not much all right well there

There is going to be something going on because I was just letting you know that my roommate's coming down there.

They had an order, and he's really fucking pissed off.

So just look out for him.

He said that Lysol called and said that they bounced a check or something like that, and he's really pissed.

So he said he's got a spork, and he's going to scratch somebody's eye out with it.

Thanks

for telling me hey okay lock the door i

don't know yeah i locked the door he's mad he's one of those crazy white trash people yeah you

You should lock the door.

Him and his wife are on their way.

I just live in the basement, but I heard him yelling at the phone

and stuff like that about Lysol and a spork.

It's not going to be good.

It seems like someone's calling people from our store or something.

Thanks for letting me know.

All right.

Well, look out.

I mean, the guy's fucking angry.

Thank you.

Okay.

Bye.

That guy was like,

I'm getting milk, man.

I lied.

Hey, Milky Sausage.

Hey, man.

man. I'm sorry, dude. Like I thought you went off the air or something. I tried calling you back

a minute ago, man. I was taking a break. I was going to pick up another customer and I didn't

know. I thought maybe he was off the air or something. Well, okay. Then you want me to call

you back on this number or, or, or can you call back a little bit or what? Yeah. Yeah. I'll call

you back. Yeah. Or call me back. Yeah. I'm going to be on for a little bit longer, maybe like

Like another half hour or so?

Okay.

Okay, so give me like five or ten minutes.

As soon as I dispose of this, catch a customer, and I'll take a break again.

Because I actually just cut off my break.

All right.

Instead, I just went driving.

Yeah.

Hey, Dwight, what are we up to now?

Are we up to 925?

What was it now?

We were at 950.

950, Milkman.

950.

Man, I cannot believe this, dude.

You guys are killing me, man.

I love you guys.

I cannot believe you would waste your money on me, man.

I love you guys.

You're the best.

No wasting.

It's not a waste, man.

I would never ask or even believe that you guys would have to do that, man.

I really, really appreciate it.

Why you didn't ask?

People wanted to.

Yeah, man.

We wanted to.

All right.

God bless all of you.

I love all of you guys.

Okay.

All right.

I'll call you back when I drop off.

Bye.

Brad got his gun, held it to people's heads in the IRC, and he said,

You will get money.

now we just want to see rb's nip i thought he already said that i thought we know it's a

thousand for a nip right all right it's a thousand so so when it hits uh one thousand and one dollar

uh-huh uh i'll show my penis oh shit yes hey you guys um

show your penis what's up brad what happened oh sorry uh i i'm actually gonna get off the

a skype call but uh i'm gonna keep listening and when it's on a thousand i'll i'll show the nipples

all right we'll be looking it's gonna be really exciting i can't wait are they here

because i might hang out for this all right no they're not actually i'll just do it right now

as soon as i get off i'm just gonna assume it's gonna make it to a thousand

it's gonna be exciting everyone get their screen captures ready he's gonna show them

oh fuck yeah it can't be any worse than that at least you're a little red send me a send me a

screenshot of Carlito so I can make it my

Skype profile picture.

Okay, alright. It's already my desktop.

Let's all make it our

profile picture.

See ya.

That's Brad. He's taking his headphones off already.

Yeah, he's gonna do it. He's showing the nip.

That's pink. He's got nice pink nips.

Oh my god!

Brad, why are your nips hard, man?

He's all excited. He's prepping for it.

Oh my god.

There's this fan going.

It's crazy. Oh yeah!

Oh my god, that's awesome

Is that Raffy?

Yeah, it's Raffy

Alright, that's awesome

Don't steal any bread, Raffy

Alright, we got

That rules

New News just sent in breaking news

A bitch in the UK who works as a stupid telemarketer

And gave us her phone number

Why not? Why not try it?

They're not going to pick up anyway

It's New News number

Asking people about their nips

Nippy McNiperson

loser in addition to the shit study to the ee voicemail i'm stuck oh no no your streak remains

trying to get on dashie dashie paid 200 for that i think about it you could have gone to a strip

club and got titties in your face you could have bought a regular person's titties you could have

bought an anatomically correct rainbow dashie my little pony doll but instead you helped out milk

Okay, thank you.

I'm telling you, dude, the snorting cayenne pepper, I'm still getting the benefits.

There's still like a drip going on it.

I can still feel it like working.

I like nutty pot.

I got to try those too, yeah.

But I hear weird, like I hear like you got to be careful with the water you use, right?

You can get brain amuse.

Yeah.

Yeah, man.

Straight to the nose.

The lakes in Florida, I would never.

Some people used to like swim in the lakes.

No way, man.

Hello.

especially in the summer like the lakes just start cooking like a soup and they got a bunch

of amoebas and bacterias and shit now the springs will get in because it's moving water it's fresh

moving water from the ground but fuck that shit anyway and why go in the lake when there's so

many pools um here's one last here's steven he's one last pizza customer you guys game

yeah all right great oh fuck yeah all right let me just reset my caller id to what it needs to be

Who y'all don't fuck at me?

Dr. Octagon, dude.

Yeah, I love this album, dude.

That's great.

Man-related?

Come on.

Hello?

Yeah, hi, is that Steven?

Hello?

Really?

He said hello all nice, too.

He heard the black man music in the back.

I don't know, no one listens to that shit.

Alligator shark half man?

Not yet.

Hello?

Yeah, Steven.

Steven, I'm calling from the pizza.

Hello.

From what?

The pizza.

You ordered the pizza today?

You ordered from the pizza?

I didn't order a pizza today.

Did someone there order one?

Someone else at this number?

No.

You did a pickup order about, I don't know, like two hours ago?

I already picked that up.

That's what I'm talking about.

You ordered pizza today.

Yeah.

What's going on with the tip?

What about the tip?

You didn't really leave a good tip here.

So?

I'm going over the information.

Why did you tip this little?

You should have tipped at least, you know, 40%.

I can't.

What?

Who the fuck are you?

I work here at the pizza.

My name's Bill.

At the pizza?

Yeah.

What company do you work for?

The pizza.

Yeah, that's what we call it now.

We're changing the name to the pizza.

It used to be Pizza Hut.

We're slowly changing it over to the pizza.

I have to explain everything to him.

Jesus Christ.

I should have just started calling him a dickface.

It's just been lately that they started calling me, well, calling Brad out on that.

The pizza? What do you mean, the pizza?

After years of this.

Tremaster Bob dropped 25. We are 975.

Shit.

Thank you.

Hello?

Yeah, what's going on? I'm going to put my supervisor on the line.

Go ahead, supervisor.

Hello?

What's up?

Is this the bad tipper?

The bad tipper?

Yeah, what's the deal here?

I'm sure I'm not the only one that tips you guys like shit, okay?

You guys' service sucks.

suck you're just conveniently located okay listen here's the deal i mean you know all my all my all

my fucking drivers are on food stamps and shit and uh a bunch of white trash you know or fucking

dirty devil people uh don't tip and then they're complaining oh i don't make enough money i don't

make enough money i'm fucking sick of it i tell them to go get a fucking education but you're

making it hard on them fucker motherfucker we're recording this conversation and sending it to

your supervisor have a good night i am the supervisor where's the stupid bitch where's

she come from are you aware of uh do you guys know anything about the better business bureau

the better better business bureau is a fucking sham and doesn't mean anything you have to pay

to be a member do you know about the asshole customer registry right you're getting blacklisted

the pizza blacklist okay you guys no more pizza oh my god yeah i was gonna say that's the most

empty thread ever. You know about the BBB,

motherfucker?

Yeah.

You can know about my crew,

the Better Business Bureau.

I'm gonna write a negative Yelp review on your ad.

You like that?

I'm really dreading the screenshots.

I have the buyer's

remorse. Alright, Christopher,

we're going to,

we're out of pizza. Unless you, hey,

maybe we should check in on that one guy

that was in the car, right?

I don't know.

No, I think it's good.

That was Doyle.

You are calling does not accept unidentified calls.

What?

If you are...

Do what now?

I don't know.

People say that now.

Say what now?

Or just do what?

Do what?

I sent my caller ID to be sure.

Let's see.

You are calling does not accept unidentified...

Whatever.

I was working before.

People are trying to do the West Coast gang song.

Where?

Because we're all white and very gangster.

I'm sure it was.

All right.

Send it.

One black dude's like, yeah, I got this shit.

Black guys, big black guys look good shirtless.

They can pull it off.

But he has pink headphones.

Yeah, I do.

Yeah.

We'll fuck with his pink beats, yo.

Christopher is a Twitter complainer complaining about Comcast.

Okay, good.

Neon, do you want a Twitter complainer or do you not like those?

I never heard you do a Twitter complainer call before.

Whichever, it doesn't matter.

All right, let me.

Did you hear about what Comcast did to the people?

uh what they were so they would they were people they would call and complain and so they were

sending out bills to the people saying like asshole like they named they they changed his

name to asshole yeah brown asshole brown was the first one and then a whole bunch more showed up

yeah uh breaking news arno dropped 35 in we are at 1010 dollars all right man you guys

All right, penis time.

Yeah.

Are we really going to see your penis?

Aaron, what's going on?

Are you going to like?

It might take me a little bit to get there.

You have to put the date, write the date down and put it next to the pic, though.

We've got to make sure, man.

Oh, yeah, to know that it's real?

Yeah, or that it was taken today, because it's important.

I'm sorry.

Actually, that donation by Arno is thanks to Mistress Morgan.

morgan that is one of her slaves and she demanded that he pay no fucking

oh shit all right that's awesome way to work it morgan all right neon did you uh see the um

chat i put christopher is the first one he's not able to fill out a form in firefox for comcast

such that i can't fill it out to report how it's busted he's trying to fill out a form about a

form okay whatever that guy makes perfect sense okay all right you ready y'all basically just

yeah so basically he's just pissed at comcast yeah you know he's an asshole customer basically

all right and you can tell him that too whatever you want you're good you're a professional at

this you had a good show last night there thanks even though i rage quit like a bitch

oh phyllis knees coming on it's gonna hurt oh no

hi is this chris this is hi chris this is lindsey i'm calling from comcast how are you

doing what's up hi i'm um i'm lindsey and i take over comcast twitter comments and i see that you

sent us a comcast twitter comment about our support form so i was just wanting to see if

i could help you fill anything out that you might need yeah um so your support site is

really broken in Firefly. Okay. It requires you to put in, like, if I go through the forget a

password flow, like I've forgotten my password for my account, it comes up with, to put in some

information to verify that I have an account, and one of those fields is zip code. And some bit of

JavaScript on the page, whenever you put a keystroke in, it's inserting a space afterward.

word um basically like you're the the form field is editing things as i type to guarantee that i

can never enter a valid zip code wow like backspace doesn't work as as expected and doesn't

work as expected so um okay there's no way for me to even get to the point in the website where i

can submit issues to tell you okay because okay well first let's let's go ahead and take a step

it back um the the reason why um you're having an issue with the zip code is because you live

in the ghetto and we actually at comcast we're trying to weed out our ghetto um clients those

that live in high risk areas territories okay so eventually you will you know you're going we're

actually humoring you at the moment letting you um peruse our website but eventually you'll be

blocked and your service terminated cool yeah but you'll also you'll be responsible for all the

the charge is of course of course um is there anything else that you needed i mean that's a

pretty quick analysis of what your problem is no i think that's about the size of it yeah and

firefox is is pretty ghetto too so you should try using maybe chrome okay do you have a computer

that will support that i think so you think so okay you sound a little uh taken aback by my uh

response are you okay there yeah well what's going on

i don't know if he knew it was fake or just got real sad

that guy's fucking dumb firefox is in like the 35th revision

i just got a prompt the other day that said please download firefox 35

i should uh i've been on chrome for a few years now but hey uh carl you know you get a kick out

out of this you know that guy that i said mistress morgan made him donate yeah i forgot there's a note

under the donation it says mistress morgan's bitch slave oh wow hey guys what's going on

basington it's seattle flu yeah yeah how's it going aaron long time no talk fuck you

oh damn yeah love you too i'm over i'm i'm overhauling an engine right now

all right we got a dan who's a registrant postal code what's oh my bad comcast what's your speed

he wants to know what the speed is uh it's because he's got a shitty speed test result

oh also oh he posted back uh speed test on that okay we're sorry the number in country code you

Was that weird, or was it just me?

Yeah, it was weird.

Voxox freaked out.

He's getting 0.43 megabits upload.

It's worse than this.

It's definitely something wrong.

Slow to get the phone, I'll tell you that much.

Damn motherfucker.

He's probably got torrents and everything going on.

And by the way, if you ever do those speed tests,

you need to shut down everything to get an accurate speed test.

I used to have to tell this to customers all the time.

Because I get customers like, I'm doing a speed test.

Like, all right, but I'm looking at your router.

and you're on bit torrent and you're playing wow and all this other shit it shows you what's

available like it shows you the bandwidth not like oh shit we got more donations

what we got 1040 dollars we had two donations come in we had jim i don't know if i should do

his like i'll just do first name jim you know who you are and adam uh jim kicked in 25 adam

threw in another five adam says here's a little more money thank god carlito put his shirt back

on, I am going to have

really fucked up dreams because

of this fundraiser tonight.

Oh, man.

That's awesome.

Can we see his other nipple?

Jag's here. Jag, when'd you get here?

About five minutes ago.

I'm not sure. I just wanted to hear the reaction,

but he's not here yet.

Oh, Milkman's reaction?

Yeah, we already got him.

Oh, well, how would he do?

At first, he didn't really believe it,

and now he believes it, but he's

He's almost like he's not comfortable with it.

I think he wants a bed of money

like in Decent Proposal.

He wants more.

That's why he's not comfortable.

Yeah, he's holding out

is what the thing is.

But $1,000, that's fucking insane.

This sounded like he was

going to start buying, but then he recovered.

Yeah, he's holding it together,

but you can tell he's

been through a lot.

You can hear him in yourselves.

yeah um oh speaking of something rough uh hey back when the syndicate days most of you probably

don't know who i'm going to talk about here but back when i used to be on syndicate radio

there was a dude named raunch fox used to do a show raunch fox passed away last week of a heart

attack oh yeah yeah oh man i never he never really liked me like we kind of talked once we're on the

network together and what happened was like prank master that's why i play the prank master thing

earlier prank master was somehow involved with him like he was his producer or something

and he was like really prank master came in the chest like fuck you raunch fox better raunch fox

so i started playing all those like prank master admitting that he had molested the girl

and crying and yelling and shit and then raunch fox started like what the fuck man like

that's my co-host and you're sick with him so there was like a little bit of beef right there

and I never heard from him again.

But yeah, that sucks, man.

Anyone, any podcaster,

anybody goes in this weird

fucking thing we do here. He used to do prank calls

with Lego and Zola a lot.

Yeah.

The good old days.

The good old days in the grill building.

There you go. So rest in peace, Mr. Launchbox.

Hardly new year.

And we're now moving in to take the rest of your fans.

Sweet. So you talk to Lego

at all?

A few weeks ago

and he said he was

getting a studio back together and I did notice

he was posting on Facebook

again a little bit. Oh, okay.

He might be, as

his Dr. Lego persona, so I think he might be

making a comeback here. Nice.

And then Jen Stewart said

he wanted to come on the air like two weeks

ago, but he didn't show up. He's around too.

Yeah, wanker.

Well, you know how it goes. Training. Yeah.

That's how training goes. That archery, you know.

There's a lot of training. Never wins anything.

what about that what about that chappy brit uh uk ted uh he's around checks in on like facebook

and stuff i think still right i remember that boy yeah i follow him on facebook but yeah he's

around he's a good guy i like that cat him and his stapler back in the day always stapling shit

in the same time every week yeah we're gonna listen for a while all right more pranks huh

all right so ryan is a comcast complainer who says without a doubt the worst customer

or service i've ever experienced okay can i still try to do this fucker since the last one didn't

answer yep yep thank you oh do i wants to do a fucker oh yeah well i i used to work for comcast

so i'll do my comcast voice oh oh yeah it's gonna put it in the ass pretty much what they do

yep uh good evening is ryan available yeah this is dwight with uh comcast cares here at twitter

uh we saw you had sent us a uh a concern here on the uh on the board and we're just trying to make

contact with you see if we can't get something taken care of um yeah i mean it's pretty late

right now i don't know what oh don't worry i'm i'm i'm wide-eyed and bushy-tailed and i'm here

to take care of your problem i'm dealing with just a a charge of my bill it's been since i

moved into my new place and but it was about five months of phone like getting put on hold and

back and like today i was just trying to get uh with somebody and get someone that would actually

help me and i was told by the person like i just tried i was trying to get it in the u.s or someone

that anything or a supervisor and the guy i was like yeah you know what when my supervisor call

you back in like 30 40 minutes of course he never called me back basically i live in a place

complex okay that's fascinating story so what is the uh the issue with the bill it's it's just a

A service charge, but I never service charged.

Comcast came out here.

The apartment complex I live in was wired for Comcast.

They never actually finished wiring something in the electrical room here

and then the individual places.

Until I moved in, I was a self-install thing, and I was going to hook it up,

and I realized the wiring wasn't done.

So I called, and they said they'd send someone out.

never mentioned that i would be paying for anything um because it was like an issue with

the entire building okay now did they change any of the wiring inside of your residence

uh they came in and they had to the first the guy came at first and okay he came now when he

when he come did he uh did he come prematurely or was he right on time like it wasn't someone

one from contest it was like someone that they outsourced to right um and he came with his friend

or something and they were oh so there was there was two that came yeah and uh it was kind of

strange but he came here and he said that the re i was not getting any signal to my building or to

my individual unit and that he would need to get into the electrical like part the the uh basically

the utility closet the mechanical closet and right and it was like on a sunday and or saturday

and the maintenance no that's when they hit you for the extra the extra fees is when it's on a

weekend also i mean i never once told anything about being charged for anything i thought it was

anyways so he's scheduling yeah that's interesting hold for supervisor i'm sorry hello this is david

Yes, I'm the supervisor. I believe you were transferred to me. I'm not entirely sure why. I just have a note here that you've been asking to speak to a supervisor, and I'm available. So what's going on?

I

was literally just talking to somebody else explaining what was

going on okay well you know we can we're here to help so if you could just quickly recap briefly

uh what you were speaking about with i see on the notes here you were speaking with dwight

um if you could just give a quick recap brief please no sir we're this is comcast we're

answering calls that are coming in don't have time for that well i mean because i apparently

mentioned something on twitter and then somehow i got a phone call at 1 a.m yes uh yeah we have

our media relations department that regularly uh peruses social media and we like to respond to any

concerns and uh it's in our best interest to keep our customers happy so i'm here to resolve any

situations that you might have i hear that um something about service charges so would you like

me to explain our policy on service charges to you no i don't care well basically we we can charge

whatever the hell we want you know we're a business if you read all the fine print you know

if we come over and you look at the technician sideways he can charge you a asshole fee you know

know we have these codes and we charge what we want and you can't do anything about it we do what

we want when we want basically it's our damn business oh wow yeah so you know hopefully that

clarifies some things here for you all of that sir excuse me i didn't catch that you sounded a

little incoherent are you are you drinking sir are you are you drinking are you intoxicated

that you do with your time no i yeah i work for comcast you work for comcast i've told you that

about five times sir i can't raise my voice here as i'm in a call center and i'm a professional

damn it shit damn it whoa dude i mean i'm keeping up low nobody can hear me this is so messed up

that you take time out of your day to make prank phone calls like this like honestly sir i i take

Hey, great offense. I told you I'm a professional.

I'm going to actually transfer you back to Dwight.

I'm going to be monitoring the call.

I'm starting to lose my temper and my patience,

and I might punch some drywall here,

and I don't want to do that here in the office.

I am a professional.

So, Dwight, can you handle this guy for me?

I'm getting pretty pissed off.

Yeah, is he still on hold?

Yeah, he's still on hold.

What are you transferring this motherfucker back to me for?

Dickweed.

i know i don't want to fucking pull my cock off here i'm looking it's like a 295 charge that

he's bitching about yeah i know you know i told him we can charge what the fuck we want when we

want there's nothing they can do about it they want to take their business somewhere else people

man every time they can do it all right hang on i'm gonna i'm gonna button i fucking hate people

like all right hello hello sir i'm here to handle your issues baz pack stew back over to me hello

How did you get my number?

We're here at Comcast, sir.

We pulled up your account.

What's my name?

Your name.

I have your name.

Yes.

It's Ryan, and to tell you the truth, I could not pronounce your last name.

Nishimori?

Nice.

Immigrant.

What was your name?

My name was Dwight.

Dwight.

Yes, sir.

Dwight.

Where are you located?

I am located in the Tennessee call center.

We're in a building.

Walls and a ceiling.

I really hope this is Comcast, like literally actually Comcast.

Why? What are you going to do to our corporation?

We are multi-billion dollars.

Hey, don't you be talking shit about us.

We absorb Time Warner Cable.

We are powerful.

We're figuratively Comcast.

Stupid.

Yeah, don't you be talking no shit about my business.

I hope this is literally Comcast.

Shut up.

Y'all get your rocks off by calling random people doing this?

I don't know about rocks, but I get my dick off.

My penis is stimulated.

And listen, we get bored here at the call center.

And what I like to do is I pull up motherfuckers or assholes on Twitter,

and then I terminate their services, and you've got to pay the reconnection fee.

Big fee.

Big, big fee.

That's a big fucking fee.

It is.

Early disconnection fee.

So you all, you work for Comcast.

Yeah, we're in the call center.

called me from where you're in the tennessee call we're in the we're in the yeah we're in

the tennessee call center what's your name yeah we're listening how many times we have to fucking

explain to you you're a piece of shit customer and we're terminating your fucking service now

now you did it my name's stimbler dan these two gentlemen operate the machines they can turn off

the the service machine yeah you just pissed them off yeah we're over here in the in the

Chattanooga call center.

Yeah, I'm beyond scared straight right now.

You don't even know. Thank God.

We hear any more fucking thoughts on Twitter.

Hilarious. Thanks, but I'm serious.

What's hilarious?

I mean, I honestly believe you all are from

Comcast. Good. Well, we are.

I go home and hit my wife because of people like you.

They don't pay us enough.

On an average day, I take 50

calls from motherfuckers like

you every goddamn day.

Sir, if you don't watch

it, we're going to program your

your service so that you get nothing but keeping up with the Kardashians and

all your channels 24 seven and gay porn.

That's actually pretty funny. Like, I mean,

I hope you all can do these things that you're saying,

because you're actually convincing me that y'all have fun. But I mean,

this is pretty damn funny to make a phone call,

to take time out of your work to call a customer like this and to say all

this shit. Like it's pretty good.

Well, it's not like you're recording us. So, I mean, who cares, right?

And nobody's going to believe you anyway.

Yeah, and you were being an asshole, and you were saying, oh, Google Fiber.

I'm going to Google Fiber.

You're a motherfucker.

Right.

Faggots.

Faggots live in Nashville.

Just go to Amazon Fire TV, stick.

I get paid to make this call.

Right now, I'm collecting a paycheck.

The time's clicking.

I'm collecting a paycheck, and I'm calling you, and I get paid to call you a motherfucker.

How does that make you feel?

It doesn't really matter to me, man.

You know Comcast will buy Google Fiber

And then we'll shut that motherfucker down

Dude Comcast is garbage and you know it

Oh yeah

Comcast will buy your mom too

Yeah that's not what your mother said motherfucker

Yeah that's how I met your mother

Comcast will buy my mom

What do you think would happen

If now the conversation got

We would buy your mother

And then we would call her Comcast

I think one of your

I think one of your associates is calling me now

I bet it's little Bobby

She's definitely associated with us

Yeah I'm going to associate something with your ass

Hey buddy

You want us to go or are you going to stay

We can help your problem

Like I said we're just here to help sir

Sorry my penis broke out of my pants

Man we're a little bit on edge

Because it's a stressful job

But we're here to help

Are you all customer support

Yeah we are

We're all sitting around in a room

with our pants off my shirt's off you're smoking your pants off yeah we're smoking

marijuana with our pants off well me and mr uh dirty dirt bag over here we're in charge of the

slicing the line machines so we could take off your comcast i mean if you anger them they they

turn the machines off yeah sorry i'm a little spooked right now so y'all are yeah he's a little

little skittish you know and this guy's being an asshole my next call is to uh third man records

and i'm fucking disconnecting those motherfuckers too oh you're gonna i mean your your business is

just a drop in the bucket on our bottom line i'm tapped into this customer's um internet history

you should see some of this shit oh yeah hey let me ask you did you ever get rid of that

fucking sectional couch that you were selling for 200 back in october

Shut up, don't call me that

We're professionals, sir

Are you with a homosexual? I know you like listening to Jack White

Would you fight for my love?

Jack White

From the Stripes?

Yeah

What are you going to film with the neti pot over there?

All my private information right now

I do

Just your Google history and stuff like that

And you all work for Comcast?

Yes, still

They do, I'm actually a contractor that works in

The routing company

I handle the DNS routing

and I have all the machines

you know I push the buttons

yeah and then if you want

we can teach you how to put your TV in the debug mode

I got something in the search history

something about

Owensboro Kentucky

yeah all you gotta do is cut the cord

not like a baby

but like on the TV

you can read that's amazing

I could chew gum and fuck at the same time too

what of it

y'all are either super smart or super fucking dumb

I'm not smart.

Y'all isn't even a word.

Ignorant.

Yeah.

Stupid ignorant.

Hey, did you guys know that the plural of y'all is all y'all?

What?

Like, all y'all is stupid.

It's not like y'alls, like with a Z?

No.

Damn.

Well, that's something I learned today.

You're still there?

What's your title at Comcast, dude?

I told you, I'm the slicer machine.

You know, I'm not quite sure my uncle is the general manager here.

I'm in the asshole customer department

and he gave me the job and he told me I just answer the phones

and talk to people

my supervisor

isn't going to like this

but I'm the HNIC

I'm in the vice department sir

and

you know that you watch the gay porn

you're going to have to pay for it

who's doing dishes motherfucker

that's not allowed when you're talking to Comcast

charge them a dishes fee

yeah okay

Get it like Dish

because it's our competition.

And he's also wasting our time.

Thanks.

Y'all keep talking. Keep this up.

I've got this.

No, sir. If you think you're just going to record us

to try to blackmail Comcast,

it's not allowed because it's in your contract

that you have to abide by everything that we say.

Just go over to Facebook.

Pay the termination fees.

So I don't know what you think you're doing.

I don't know what you think you're going to save America with.

You have to say how high.

go ahead and put the racist

charge on there I've seen his search history

he says the n-word a lot

so go ahead and throw that on

oh yeah and I see he downloaded

big black pussy pumpers

that's my favorite one

that's weird to be a racist and do the

n-word a lot and then he's watching big black pussy

pumpers

we hate what we can't be right

instead of getting into the spaceship they fly out

of the spaceship it's a pretty good sequel you should watch it

explanation point

What else? What else do I got?

I'm sure we no longer offer the BDSM channels.

You're going to have to wait for Fifty Shades of Grey to come out this week.

I've got Comcast customer service representatives calling me from the Chattanooga Call Center right now, saying all the time.

Vagina, is that what I'm hearing?

Do you want to explain your actions?

I'm very offended that my co-worker said that you say the N-word.

Do you want to say that to my face, sir?

Are you one of them white boys that does the black face?

This is very unprofessional.

guys you tell me about it no you tell me about it you racist honky motherfucker do you like

watching the watching the walking dead i mean we can do what we want when we want not anymore

we drink our booze look i'm turning off all the channels amc off comcast mbc turn off espn

Disney Channel off.

BET.

Yeah, BET.

Recent nightmarishly repealed sculptures

by Chao Zhang.

Turn that channel off.

Gone.

I pushed that button.

Thanks.

Take off TLC.

I know he likes that house renovation shows.

You might want to take off Nickelodeon

for his pedophile...

Yeah, he's got pedophile tendencies.

And Nick Jr.

His pedophile kids.

We'll leave Disney for you, though.

Sprout.

Yeah, he couldn't crank it to the Disney.

Yeah, take off JAG.

That one's the worst, JAG Television.

Since he's going to go to Google Fiber, go ahead and throw on the $4.99 early termination fee.

Also, throw on the sucky, sucky $5 fee.

No, remove lifetime.

Take lifetime away from him.

You can have the Hallmark Channel, though, sir.

Yeah, no one watches that.

QVC, what should we do about that?

We'll actually credit your account $2 a month to keep that.

PBS is publicly funded

so we can't keep you from

watching that.

Let them waste us money on that shit.

We'll throw the Weather Channel in case a tornado

shows up or something.

We can take the Weather Channel off

but give them a free subscription to Frankie's News

channel.

Good plan. Good plan. Charge your iPods.

Go ahead and add

Al Jazeera English. Go ahead and add that.

Go ahead and add

a random symbol. Go ahead.

Go ahead. The terrorist charge for the

Al Jazeera.

Yeah, put that on there.

Also, go ahead and give him OWN

and the Oxygen Network.

Alright, that's done.

We're going to charge you for all the cable

from the main office to your door.

Per inch.

Oh, yeah.

I feel that when we had to come through

and rewire that whole apartment complex,

he did something, so we need to charge him for that.

That'll be the unspecified

tampering fee.

Are we making some chili over there?

What's going on?

Nothing

There we go

And he still thinks we're with Comcast

It must have been the chili

You think it was the chili

You offended him

Oh no

I still can't believe

He thinks we're still with Comcast

After all that

I'm going to fucking tell everyone

He was recording with his phone or something

Because he was like

I'm on the phone with the Comcast

I'm going to keep his Twitter

and just monitor his Twitter for a few days.

I bet he's dictating a Twitter post.

Shall we continue?

You guys still in for it?

I'm all right.

I can do a few more.

It's early here on the best coast.

I only have 4% battery remaining.

Oh, no.

We're not your batter.

He responded, you know,

without a doubt the worst customer service

I've ever experienced.

That may have jumped a level now.

I think we surpassed his expectations there.

Should call him back next week with a survey on the call.

I love doing that.

When they say they had bad service,

like, oh, I'm calling for a survey

on your recent interaction with Comcast.

Oh, let me tell you.

Yeah, I'll put him in the save section.

Here's Andrew in Florida who complains

about a 43-minute phone call with Comcast,

although his issues are currently resolved, finally.

Okay.

If you want it, holler.

Holler.

Oh.

Forget it.

Here's Ian who's in Ontario.

He doesn't have Comcast, does he?

United.

Oh, United Airlines.

Understandable, but still 50 minutes.

What's the complaining about?

A delay?

Boo-hoo.

I've been delayed hours, bro.

Call back to Oak Man.

Where are you?

Oak Man.

San Diego.

Hey, buddy.

Kifway, Kifway.

You remember?

Nobody else remembers?

Oh, shit.

I thought I was on mute.

I was over here laughing.

Yes, I remember that, Jag.

Sandago.

Who said that?

That was last week.

Yes, hi.

Milkman.

Yeah, you remember.

That's Carlito.

Hey, man.

There you are.

Now I got you.

All right.

I started ringing.

I turned the damn thing off, man.

All right.

We had some calls here in the mix.

I didn't get to you.

I'm sorry.

Hell, yeah, man.

You guys are kicking ass, man.

I love you guys.

You're amazing, man.

I just can't get over it.

Did you open the link?

I texted it to you.

Did you get to it?

I opened the link, dude.

I thought you were kidding me earlier, man.

I'll laugh.

It's all right, dude.

But you wasn't.

And I was like, I'm really shocked, man.

I just don't know what to say, man.

It's like I'm so surprised, and I feel bad that, you know, I need the money,

and there's people who have to give money to help me, man.

I really feel bad about that.

It wasn't your fault, man.

You deserve it.

Yeah, the accident wasn't your fault, and you've been helping us forever.

Hey, man, it's Baz.

Baz is here.

Lucky, man.

Hey, Baz.

What's happening, bro, man?

All right.

Good to hear you in there, man.

Yeah.

Anyway.

Thanks a lot, man.

You guys are great.

It's Dwight, and now I've got to call Rita and Gary,

and I've got to ask them both out on dates for Valentine's Day.

And because we hit 1,000, I have to fill my shoe up with beer and drink it

and make a video.

Oh, what?

Oh.

Oh, man.

Really?

That's sexy.

Oh, it's nasty.

How does that work?

Do you line it with plastic?

I have no fucking idea.

It's a black bag.

You cut it open and line it, probably.

Ew.

That's good.

All right.

Yeah, I'm Jag.

We've talked a few times.

I don't know if you remember.

Neon's here.

Neon.

Big Neon.

Yeah, man.

I've talked to you, too, man.

Yeah, man.

Jag, good to hear you, man.

You know, like, I don't get a chance to, like, identify the voice and name, you know, together

at the same time because everybody, you know, a lot of times we get so much going on.

But, yeah, and I've heard your shows, too, man.

You're a funny guy, man.

Thanks a lot, man.

I really appreciate it, man.

Thanks a lot, man.

I really appreciate it.

45 donations, which came out to $1,040.

What?

no man oh man how am i gonna ever repay you guys man it's like terrible man i'll never be able to

pay some shows or something yeah yeah milkman hey it's neon hi baby

oh bless your heart man i don't i probably sound like terrible tonight i wasn't prepared for a show

i've been going through hell lately so i'm literally not kind of like myself i know but

But thank you.

Thank you so much.

I really appreciate the love.

You guys are really good.

You're a brother.

We want to take care of you.

Oh, thanks.

Nope.

Yeah, I feel bad.

I haven't been able to come around.

Hello?

Aaron's here.

Nope, man.

It's Dirty Aaron.

Dirty Aaron.

Hey, baby.

Hey, man.

Good to hear you.

Brent Westwood, my friend, man.

Thank you so much.

What's going on?

Remember, God bless you, man.

All right, man.

I'm trying to pull out of it, buddy.

I've been in a deep dive.

But hey, you know what?

I hit the bottom.

I went through the bottom and dug my way back out.

A lot of prayer and everything, you know, and I got good friends on my side, too, man.

Thank you, guys, man.

I appreciate it, man.

We're just paying you back for all those illegitimate phone cards in the early days, is all.

Yeah.

Yeah, man.

You guys rock, man.

Oh, man, I didn't think anybody remembered that.

You guys are the best, man.

Oh, thank you, man.

That is the best, man.

Yeah, that's funny, because I did.

I mean, I put thousands of dollars in.

You used to drive to that Haji Mart over in the Virgin Islands getting phone cards.

yeah i remember that by the chicken place then i'd buy a thing of chicken

if you uh if you break it all down the uh the total that was raised over the nine years that

the old milkman's been around he's working for slave wages that's 115 a year

i mean i did it i do it for free dude i never wanted to die from it man it's like you know

we all felt good and had fun man that's what i love about it we all could come together all

All different people, all different thoughts,

and still one cause and have some fun together.

You know, just for the fun of it, man.

That's really why I've enjoyed it so long.

Everybody's different, but everybody's got something to offer, man.

That's what's really cool.

But then the big puzzle we put together now, man,

we've got something really going on.

The Spaces Machines is here to stay, baby.

It better be.

We need to hit that 10-year mark pretty soon.

It's coming up, man.

All right, let's do some more pranks and let's call it a night.

I'm starting to get weak.

someone put in a number for william corbett the fourth in pennsylvania is that the governor's son

can you check that out oh no no no same last name no no it was what was the old governor's son

what was his first name was it will corbett no i think his name was rob corbett i don't know i'm

not sure i'm sure sloth or tabacha would tell me anyway um all right so corbett here says that uh

his first time taking to Twitter, but Comcast

is the worst with customer service.

Four missed appointments today.

Four missed appointments in one day?

That doesn't work like that, man. They only give you

12-hour windows, man. Bullshit.

Hello, this is Bill Corbett. Thanks for calling. Unfortunately,

I'm on a...

Hang up on the wrong one.

Hang up on the milkman. Oops.

I got two different

Vox Oxes running next to each other.

That's a problem. What's Bay Tandori,

Baz? Is that like an Indian place you...

That's the Indian restaurant in Australia that doesn't like me very much anymore.

Who could not like Baz?

Come on, man.

All right, Baz.

We've been calling them for a few months now.

If you got the number, hit me up.

Yeah.

They haven't heard from Dirty Aaron.

Hey, I think I got dumped with the trash.

That was my fault.

I think I got dumped, dude.

My fault, my fault.

Hang on.

I'm redialing that last one.

Whoops.

Hello, this is Joe Corbett.

Thanks for calling.

Goodbye, Mr. Corbett and son.

Uh, Bob Bradley.

Sounds like Bill Brasky.

Oh, Bobby.

Direct TV service.

My account number is...

Did he give his account number out?

What a dummy.

Who does that publicly, really?

Oh, my God.

All right.

Does anyone want Bob?

Holler.

I'll give it a shot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, Bobby.

Bobby.

You've reached Bob Bradley.

What place would you like to go next?

In the meantime, if this doesn't pick up,

we've got a TWC customer named Carter.

All right, so here's Carter with Time Warner.

Do you see that one in the chat, Jerry?

Full name?

Carter, New Jersey.

I see a lot of hills.

All right, we'll do Chris instead.

I reached for Kegelman's phone.

Use his message.

I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

Thanks, bye.

Fuck you for not answering.

Let me try him again.

I only tried him once.

I didn't even know the Grammys were on tonight.

Remember, you said there was the germaphone yesterday.

Oh, yeah.

It is the gramophone.

he's the germaphobe i'm like dude it's gramophone because the grammys are tomorrow

yeah i was so gone yesterday i saw 20 minutes of the grammys i think

God, AC sucked to begin with.

They were on there?

I didn't see that.

They were the first one.

They were the first act.

They sucked.

I missed the first shit.

That sucks.

Dude, you know who sucked?

Gwen Stefani.

she was doing a duet with somebody it's like oh my god her voice is totally off and then country

at least she wasn't lip-syncing yeah she wasn't but the thing is gwen stefani she's talented and

she has a certain voice she has a good voice but only in certain situations and the song she was

doing a it was like a cover of something else with it was a duet with some other dude and i was like

no it's not it was called yes yes they just kept singing yes yes yes all the time what ever i think

she's like going through a weird stage like she i wish she would honestly go back to

90s no doubt style she's too like she's too polished now and with her being too polished

she looks too diva and it's like she doesn't have an edge basically did no doubt ever officially

break up or no they didn't break up see she okay it was no doubt right and then in early 2000s she

decided she wanted to break away and do a solo thing so she did that for a little bit then she

She had some kids, everybody else had kids, and they couldn't really get back together.

And then they did come back together like a couple of years ago, and their CD sucked.

It was so bad.

Really?

Oh, because I like the old No Doubt.

Yeah, I had that album when it came out.

Old No Doubt.

They did Push and Shove.

That was like in 2012, something like that.

And that CD was like not good.

And then now she's going to go and she had another baby, and then now she's going to go and do a solo thing again.

So I don't know how that is.

Her solo thing has gone way farther than the No Doubt thing.

No Doubt only had just the one album, right?

Or they had two?

Oh, God, no.

No, no, no.

They were early on.

Like, they were, like, Ska before.

There was a Ska band back in the day.

Yeah, like in the early 90s.

Yeah, two self-titled ones.

They had, like, B-Sides.

They had the one that launched them, which is Tragic Kingdom.

And then everything after that, Return of Saturn, all that.

Return of Saturn was, like, in 2000 or something.

All right.

2000.

Yeah.

Chris Payne says,

Shout out to Comcast. The Grammys are amazing right now.

After that call, Ed

will fucking be fantastic.

He's the N64 keychain guy.

Oh, the N64 guy.

Yeah, but he's selling other shit.

He had like six or seven

fucking Eds on there.

That's not working.

He's always selling shit, that guy, man.

Isn't it the guy that Aaron's talked to?

Don't you remember when we called him

and you wanted the serial numbers?

He's like, you're not a real gamer, you're a cheater!

and he started fucking flipping out because i wanted to mod a dreamcast or something yeah you

want to use the the game genie on it yeah he's a good not a real gamer i was on air and it's uh

zax that calls this guy a lot over the n64 shit all right so he's selling pokemon snap

yeah you know i almost bought a game boy printer and camera when it came out almost did aloha

hello aloha yes sir oh aloha is this i'm sorry i wasn't i didn't mean to call dirty devil people

I was looking for the man with the games. Is that you?

Dirty devil people?

Yeah, you know, the Hawaiians.

Well, what did you need help with?

Well, first of all, I want to know, are you Hawaiian?

Or are you just like pretend? Like a Howley or something?

What's that?

Well, it's somebody who wants to pretend that they're Hawaiian.

Like they have the albums from that fat piece of shit that sang in Hawaii.

And they have like a surfboard on their wall and stickers on their car and shit.

it but they've never they're like from iowa is that you or are you just a wine that happened to

me huh did you did you did you want to buy something are you interested in some of my ads

i have on craigslist or how did you get mine yeah well that's yeah well that's what i'm calling about

for the ads on craigslist but i don't really uh i don't usually associate with devil people

who believe in magic devil people that believe in magic yeah you know the smelly hawaiians that eat

have the papaya drink and stuff like that.

They're so disgusting.

They eat spam.

Is that you?

Who's this?

This is Brent.

Hi, Brent.

I got somebody new on the phone now?

I'm sorry.

I don't know what this is about.

But you're changing people on the phone?

Is that what you're doing?

Playing games on the phone?

Okay.

Have a good day, Brent.

Why are you playing games on the phone?

Milkman does not like that.

You're talking about the devil people in the background.

Yeah, Milkman, no playing games.

No games.

Is your connection still there?

I think he might be with a customer.

They did switch people on me, didn't they?

I'm not sure.

I think so.

Oh, I got it.

Hello, Brent?

Yeah, how you doing?

Probably not a good idea to spread hate like that.

Smelly Hawaiian.

This is Hawaii that you're calling, and it's not a good idea to do that.

Matter of fact, it didn't even matter if...

No, excuse me for a second.

I just want to tell you, divide and conquer is the way humanity is destroyed.

I would suggest that you jump on the human being bandwagon and let's all just live in peace.

Maybe we can do that so we can survive as a species.

Are you trying to suck my dick?

No, I'm not doing none of that.

None of the hate and cussing and swearing.

It's not going to get like that.

Sir, you need to learn how to get along with other human beings.

No, I'm sorry.

I mean, are you trying to fellatiate my penis?

and hate. I don't want to swear at you, but... Sir, can I employ you to stop the hate,

divide and conquer, study it and see why human beings kill human beings. It is not a good idea

to call and say what you're doing. That's bad karma. It ain't good for you. It ain't good for

me. It's not good for anybody. If you're going to do anything, call and tell people to keep working

hard and keep educating themselves on what's happening here in the world. This is not a good

thing. It's not a good thing for human beings. It's not. I'm a biracial person myself. I have

a lot of ethnicities. Which part of myself do I hate? I don't understand what part to do.

So are you Hawaiian or not? I'm a smelly Cherokee. I'm a smelly African-American. I'm a smelly

Irishman. My great-grandfather was a full-blooded white man, and I'm not ashamed of that. That's

It's just what I am.

Okay, so what do I do, bro?

I didn't have any choice in the matter.

What do I do?

I just employ you to let's say humanity and cut the hate out.

I'm not Hawaiian, and we can just continue with the conversation.

It's not a big deal.

I don't got no problems with your grandpa.

Well, I mean, dude, you call here saying smelly Hawaiian.

Bro, that's not good, man.

That's not good for anybody.

It's insulting, and it's hate.

It's just hate that's going to kill us all.

We will die because of that if we don't change.

I'm just saying, up to you, whatever.

I'm not going to live my life like that, though.

I got my friend right here next to me, this full Caucasian man,

and I don't treat him like that.

So do you happen to know a guy who sells blow-up houses?

Do I happen to know a guy that sells blow-up passes?

Houses, you know, like blow-up houses.

You know, bouncy houses.

You mean like Lincoln Logs or something like that?

No, no, bouncy houses.

Yeah, no, where they jump up and down in the bouncy house.

Do you know this guy?

Sir, God bless you.

What?

I hope that God helps you out.

I would seek help and try to get some help.

Listen, I don't believe in imaginary friends or magic.

I have your number, and I'm going to report it to the police and the authorities.

I have your number, 705, right?

Okay.

What is that?

Yeah, yeah, that's my number.

Go ahead.

6598.

Hey, thanks.

Now we have a direct lead directly to you.

That's not a good idea.

Let me guess.

Now you're going to tell me you're recording the call, too, right?

Oh, well, that's a good idea, too.

You're behind.

I record all my calls.

Oh, what model recorder do you have?

I'm going to upgrade my recorder, so I was just wondering.

Being a good person in humanity instead of hate calling.

And I think about not turning your phone number in.

Well, I mean, you can turn it in.

I don't know why.

I'm just trying to figure out what's the real deal over here.

Smelly Hawaiians?

Haven't they suffered enough, bro?

Honestly.

I mean, not really.

They kind of brought it on themselves, don't you think?

Even Irish people that are white suffered enough?

Come on, man.

Are you human or are you something else?

Well, it depends on who you ask.

I mean, we're all in the same boat.

Probably something else.

When you think about it, honestly, take a second and just think for a minute.

Name one human being on the planet that had a choice in the matter.

Your mother.

Yeah, she did have a choice.

You're right.

Well, that's real brilliant.

See, I'm trying to have a civilized conversation with you and treat you with respect and you talking like that.

You asked a question.

I answered it for you.

Yeah, well, I don't know who you are.

Maybe you're the NSA, the FBI, the CIA, some of the other alphabetical deals out there.

But just stop spreading hate.

It's no good.

Okay, stop being a champ, sir.

I beg your pardon?

I'm with the DTF.

Oh, you with who?

You heard me.

The DTF.

Oh, well, if I heard you, I wouldn't have asked you twice, would I?

I don't give a shit, sir.

I said the DTF.

I'll go ahead and repeat it because I like hearing myself talk.

Excuse me, sir.

Did your mother fuck the entire Black Panther Party?

I promise you I'll pray for you.

I'll pray for you.

Thank you.

I don't need your prayers.

I don't need them.

No, no, you do.

No, no, no.

I don't need them.

I'm not calling you because I need something from you.

I'm calling you because...

I will pray for you.

Go ahead.

Okay, well, go ahead and pray for yourself.

I don't need you.

I came in this world alone, and I'm going to leave it alone.

What's the hate for, though?

What's the hate for?

I don't believe in magic.

I don't have an imaginary friend.

Why are you hating?

You have no power.

What's the deal?

I don't have any power?

You can cast power and think you can help me.

I'm not trying to help you.

I don't give a shit about you.

Well, thank you.

I appreciate that.

And that's why humanity will not exist, because of people like that.

Notice I didn't say you.

Oh, yeah.

You need to watch out for humanity.

People like who?

I don't know.

Black people?

Yeah, you got to watch out for the cards against humanity.

It's a sin.

Good luck to you.

God bless you guys.

No, thank you.

You know, I hope that you'll be a positive part of humanity instead of spreading hate.

hey you still got the n64 for sale please we won't make it if you keep acting like this

i want the n64 i want a nintendo 64 you won't make it hey what are you going to do when someone

when satan drags you to hell are you going to pray then well let him try let him try sure

you think your prayers are going to be good enough i think that you should pray to god

and not to satan and get rid of that guy no i never said i was praying to satan all i said

was what are you going to do when you die and and satan drags you to hell are you going to

still think of your prayers he's not do you still are you gonna are you gonna are you gonna pray

over that n64 keychain can you you know that's like that's witchcraft why are you doing this

why are you doing this what reason we just want to buy your n64 yeah we just want the n64 keychain

oh well thank you you know that really doesn't bother me i just feel sorry for you guys

I really do because

as a human race, we won't make it.

I don't need your pity.

Spread your good cause.

Don't spread none at all.

Hey, Nian, when he talks about the human race,

is he talking about the human race won't survive in Mario Kart?

He's sounding like he's talking about race wars.

Wow. Really?

Why?

You guys really enjoying this?

No, Ed, be quiet.

You don't even sound like a real gamer.

Please get some help.

Why? Because it's working?

for you great night god bless you guys i'll reassure and report your number and believe me

i will fuck you fuck you no no please no i'm just saying i mean you can say all that it doesn't

bother me hello i mean you know if you call down here with your natural number talking all this

smack there's a testimony to how brilliant you are why don't you go rob a bank and leave your

why would we do that that's ridiculous that's illegal that's sad but god bless you guys

wow unreal that is that your love is that your lover in the background yeah put him on the phone

we're doing the customer service like a survey you think he's like that with everyone who calls

him looking for buying stuff yeah i don't know there's jesus you remember the you remember the

bouncing house jesus guy yeah i don't i remember that one that's the guy who he prayed for us on

air about you know because we wanted to have a bachelor party inside of the bouncing house

and then he said that we have a what did he say bad he said i have a dark heart or something like

that yeah something like that you have a dark heart okay yeah it kind of sounded like that guy

yeah that's what i was saying i was gonna ask him if he knew that guy that filled down the house

Fucking Hawaiian man

There's some interesting cats there

Alright here's a free chihuahua

I'm starting to lose power

And I think now I'm getting ready to quit

It's done enough damage

It's been a great show

God damn it I need to feed that chihuahua

To my fucking snake

Alright I think I'm done

I've been on for over four hours

Thanks

You've been with me all night

night thanks man i appreciate it yeah man you man thanks for having me on call anytime see you

dwight baz good talking to you guys good night sir it's fun enigma if you're mic'd up what's up man

good seeing you see you later bye enigma all right see you guys oh shit fuck

shit fuck oh yeah uh milkman please tell me you're here are you here

hey buddy i'm still here man hey you want to say goodbye or are you with a customer you can't

yeah man i'm on the bridge man so hey hey uh really guys you know what it's really been a

great show i'm sorry i missed the fun half of it but hey you know what always expect something

crazy right here in the madhouse right every week right here we got you baby right plus interactive

show you can find right here on the internet i want to thank all our special guests showed up

tonight being on fads white oh man everybody uh jack gg everybody phil brent everybody carlito

thank you so much everybody that wanted to help out i really appreciate that most interactions

that you can find right here on the internet that's why we do it every week for you we drop

the dime we just ask you to give us a time bring a friend for faria bring it in they're always

welcome right here in the madhouse on what we do without our fearless leader generally throw the

Madhouse for the air money.

My brother, my only brother.

So much, man. Thank you, everybody,

for giving me a hand.

I really, really, truly appreciate it.

I'll do my best to make it all up

to you guys. Thank you so much.

I don't have to worry about it.

Take care of you.

If I can get some help in the chat room real quick

on the title for the show. I have no idea

what the title of the show is.

While I wait on that, I want to

give thanks to all the following people

who donated. I'll read their messages

if they left one.

Oh, thank you, man.

I'd love to hear it.

Adam said,

here's a little more money.

Thank God Carlito put his shirt back on.

I'm going to have really fucked up dreams

because of his fundraiser tonight.

I missed it.

Oh, dude, I got to see it, man.

I know we had a shameful day,

but I got to see it, man.

I believe that.

Don't delete it before I look at it.

All right.

It's probably not going to be up for long.

Jim Arno, Tree Master, Bob said,

I gotta support the Milkman

in his time of need.

Arno said Mistress Morgan bitch slave.

That's the bitch slave.

Mistress Morgan bitch slave.

Oh, it's a pleasure.

It's a pleasure.

Bitch slave, man.

That's cool.

Neon.

Very mindful.

Mistress Morgan herself.

Nick.

Polaris.

Skunky 420.

Lord Spoon.

Boy, I mentioned it.

I hadn't seen it in a while.

My God, dude.

He's got, like, from ancient age.

Hey, man, thank you, man.

Long time no hear, man.

I'm definitely going to holler at you.

Thank you so much.

Remember me.

G-Man666, Tony's on Facebook a lot.

K-Crimlin, I think is how it's pronounced.

Oh, K-Crimlin, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Uncle Ruckle, Dashie, Lonesome Loser, Ben, who I mentioned before, Shake.

We got Andrew Carla.

Carla, Jen, Akers, Evil Ideas, Alex, Lord Spoon, Dark Stranger, Hockey Man, Mining Coins, Adam Corbin,

uh buster casey matthew lennon

amelia gordo renee randall thor adam adam orlander no adam h derrick ferret flutter pie

and i donated clay axpa palindrome and brat

at oh man thank you so much and especially like dashy two hundred dollars that's damn i can't

believe that bro i mean dude thank you how am i ever gonna pay you back i'm gonna have to pay

you back somehow i really appreciate it man yeah like tony's 50 bucks ben 100 lonesome

had a pretty big one too in there so i gotta get going man i'm starting to pass out but thanks for

All right, dude, man.

I'll tell you, there's no reason not to believe, man.

Prayers are answers, man.

I'll tell you.

I prayed for holy answers, and you know what?

I became, man.

And here it is, man.

My friends out in the sky in the blue, man.

Jesus touched our hearts, man.

Thank you so much.

God bless you all.

Love.

Peace.

All right.

See you, man.

Later, milkman.

I'll talk to you after this.

I'll talk to you, bro.

All right.

I'll be here next week, guys.

Thanks for tuning in.

Thank you for everything.

You guys are the best fans in the world, man.

Ain't for miles around to hear Vic rock it.

He learned a few new styles since the two-year-old pickpocket.

Clutter Owl, Sad Howl, Sickening.

Now get retarded like Mad Cow, kicking in, tricking.

And what's in the stew if the flu isn't a chicken?

We all got our vices.

Some got the ball to call the shots off the dices.

And that's Vic.

Bring slaughter to your section.

Have your SMC get an order of protection.

Jake, he sings well, even with this king hell headache.

Hit him with an anvil to trigger a scandal.

We'll be right back.

Leave your yellow spots around your bed area

Defecate around your head area

Precise when I meet that ass

And freak that ass

LeBray and what?

Defecated your apartment off one set of ya

Calls (35, 2 h 17 min of 3 h 52 min)

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