HUH?

This is basic civil defense information from the Department of Defense, Office of Civil Defense, Washington.

If the United States should be attacked with nuclear weapons,

it's almost certain that our networks of warning stations would detect incoming bombers or missiles

in time for you to reach shelter or at least take cover.

You may receive warning of an attack by radio, television, or through the outdoor warning system in your community.

It's important that you learn to recognize the attack warning signal and not confuse it with any other.

In most places, the standard attack warning signal is a three to five minute wavering sound

or a series of short blasts on whistles, horns, or other devices.

Either of these signals means that an actual enemy attack has been detected

and you should take protective action immediately.

Find out from your local civil defense office

the attack warning system

that will be used in your community.

What's going on in there?

A lot of bullshit talking.

Bullshit, my friend.

Do you know something?

Don't listen.

What do you know?

Maybe I do and maybe I don't.

What I say is they got no business negotiating.

We ought to be going back in there

with a bullet for everybody in the yard.

Is that right?

We do it now, we do it later.

Later ain't gonna be no use.

Am I right, Al?

Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute, Frank.

We got a lot of angry guys in there.

Black Muslims, Panthers, Young Lords.

besides you average antisocial we gotta go in right clean your clock

ladies and gentlemen this is

everybody machine oh jesus christ carlito get yourself levels right i'm carlito the host of

the show with me is milkman oh my brother

Brother, K-Play, K-Play.

Glad to hear your melodious tones, my friend.

Glad to be back, man.

Thanks for having me back, man.

When you got that in store for us tonight, my brother.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yay!

We're going to break a few laws tonight, man.

Oh, no way.

Not in the madhouse.

No.

Not us.

We'd never do that.

No.

Shit.

Hell no.

Thanks for tuning in.

And seriously, if you're not already subscribed to the Madhouse podcast, please go to madhouselive.com and do so.

I'm out of camera frame.

There we go.

Please go to madhouselive.com and do so.

There are podcast links all over the place.

And you can also go to Prank call Nation where there are more shows like this on all week.

I think we're up to where we're doing usually several shows a day now, man.

Dude, man, we got some serious air coverage now.

I mean, I think our only day without a show is Monday,

and that's kind of like the PC and day off.

Everyone kind of just takes a break, and we all listen to Mac.

Laugh Track Matt does a show that day, and we all listen to him.

Does Dwight do a show on Monday?

You don't do one on Monday, too?

Tuesday, Tuesday.

Oh, okay, Tuesday.

That's right.

I got it mixed up.

That's right.

Sorry.

It's Tuesday and Saturday.

Okay.

I was thinking the front of the week, but I got my days mixed up.

Nah, close.

close you were close but no seaguar yeah hey uh join our chat room also that's over at prank

call nation.com chat room you can go there and do stuff of that nature the cheaty cheaty chat chat

uh speaking of chat tiny chat i do have the tiny chat running tonight tiny chat.com slash prank

call nation tiny chat.com slash prank call nation you know why i like tiny chat milkman

because it's

first of all I can play the video

with the music

that's a little secret

I guess technically

the most immersive Madhouse experience

is on TinyChat because you get me

you get the show with the music and everything

with me on video

and you're chatting with others I would say

yeah actually the TinyChat is the way to go

you got a little bit of bandwidth though

yeah the bandwidth thing

and it sucks on mobile

like they it sucks that like they actually have self-built android and ios apps but they suck so

bad i always have so much trouble with them and oh like you can't message right with it i don't know

i don't know matter of fact i don't know if they still have the problem with chrome where you

couldn't send long messages in chrome it would just cut you off after like 50 characters yeah

something ridiculous like that and they knew about it they're like yeah we know we got this bug with

chrome we'll get to it one day so like you know if you were chatting away a long message like i

might do sometimes and i didn't just hit enter and next thing you know only a third of your message

made it you know made it through you're like fuck oh that's bogus yeah so everything you typed in

is just wasted time man not everything just anything and any long messages but i think

anything after like what 30 40 characters yeah yeah just a bug but i think it's fixed to be

be honest with you as uh what's his face would say that the the french kid what's his name oh

train wreck turbo wreck train train wreck uh gay gypsy from cambridge england that's was just sent

in by nunu okay they make those i had no idea i would think that the gypsies like the travelers

travelers irish travelers or what we would call more like gypsies here or roma um i would think

like they're very anti-gay they just seem like that kind of culture like well you're gay i'm

gonna kill you because you're gay you know what i mean which is really ignorant i mean people think

because of the pranks i do hear like kdk all the time what do you hate gay people what do you like

dude i don't hate gay people i have gay friends uh then you can't even say that shit you know

know what i mean because this is oh that's like saying uh some of my best friends are black i

never understood i'm sorry let me get from the soapbox here but i never understood what was so

wrong with saying that like for me to say you know i'm not racist i have black friends and and anyone

can turn that around on you immediately and and and it's always oh yeah some of my best friends

gay what is that why is it a valid argument among the people that are really sensitive to racial

stuff you know i'm saying that i don't ever what what is wrong with saying that can someone explain

that second part to me like why am i supposed to be embarrassed because i could have meant that

okay people want to make an issue out of the whole gay thing and like put a big spotlight on

dude it's not that big a deal man if you want to go slam somebody in the in your bedroom it's not

my big deal i give a shit dude let's move on man yeah let's move on fuck it okay dude i mean you

know we ain't cool we ain't got anything a problem with gays here no everybody should know that by

now mother shit we start out on a gay network what are you talking about come on it was not

a gay network dude what do you think why would i we're gay prank health guys no no no but when pc

was wrong katie gay was the one in charge katie k at that time and you know how his whole you

You know, his whole charades and stunt making and all that.

I was meaning referring to it that way in a gay network at that time.

Okay, okay, okay, all right, all right.

Not having anything we've created.

Everything we've created since then, dude, is long, far separated from KDK.

We don't have to move that gay shit forward, dude.

You're all welcome here, man.

Everybody knows that.

In the chat, you're all welcome.

Everybody knows that.

Here's the thing.

I heard KDK had that argument about me all the time.

Oh, you hate gay people.

You make fun of, why do you hate us so much?

I've got audio recording him saying this

I think he has guilt

He has guilt issues sometimes

I really do

When you hear people like that

They're actually feeling guilty about it

And they're like wondering

Oh my gosh

Paranoia

There's people talking about me

Guilty

This is blah blah blah

They've got questions on their own self

When they start reflecting to me

To you

About that bullshit

That's how I feel about it

Here's the thing

KDK

He would come on the air

And call himself

He would come into my chat room

him with the name spickwad all the time he makes uh prank calls and jokes that are racist against

all ethnicities he i've heard him say the word faggot before to people on his prank calls you

know what i'm saying he does he's he's not gay he's bisexual okay he's what he should be saying

he's said he's lgbt you know he's done the girl thing on him man he says one thing but he acts

another fucking place he's just on the girl thing he says he got a church child in his in his aculo

he says that uh what is it that everyone is uh bisexual everyone's what is everyone's gay or

or yeah everyone's bisexual at first and then they become like i don't know some some kind

of shit he thinks everybody's gay originally and then they learn to like the other sex i'm like what

the fuck no there's the same guy that quotes that the woman's g-spot is on their side all ladies

out there um i don't think it's on your side but if you have on your side please uh stand up in the

chat now let us know yeah just lean into your bed cushion on the side can you imagine dude he said

that on there do you remember that night he was giving like sexual descriptions of like women's

erogenous zones and include the g-spot is like a is like a mysterious spot that doesn't exist

is it's on their side somewhere oh some gay people laughed and laughed and you know there

were a few girls in there in the chat at the time i think what ellie i think me uh um what was her

neo uh a couple there was always there's a few of the hardcore old-timers there man but i mean

we was all just kind of like laughing dude i mean come on you know it's true it's on their side

right right girls look who you're getting the sexual advice from i mean i'm sure i'm sure gay

people sit around some gay people sit around like and i heard their g-spots aren't even

been real and i heard they don't even really they can't even have orgasms that's why i'll never

wonderful things about women men guys don't have man gay people that's gay people just sit around

all right let's call the gay gypsy shut up all right hey now hey dude it's gay okay in our chat

dude it's gay okay on the show fuck we don't care just don't like try and run the whole show with a

a bunch of gay bullshit and you're all right gay bullshit yeah that doesn't sound you know like the

gay crying remember that in the gay songs you know it would be like whenever katie k get all

whiny you'd play all night like cry like gay music and shit nunu even knows we all would just

like oh god gay crying night you know immediately that's all he does now that's all he's done for

two years nickelback and he'd play all his like real poppy like kind of like you know current

Like, you know, semi-gay pants.

I don't know what the fuck you call them.

But androgynously gay pants or whatever.

But it's pretty sad, dude.

You know?

It's a bunch of gay crying shit going on the whole time.

Can you call K-Bone?

Isn't that funny?

I got anal cancer.

Remember the time he went on the air and he said he had anal cancer, dude?

What the fuck, dude?

He had anal cancer.

He shot himself on the air, too, later.

He did that, yeah.

Yeah, I'm having trouble getting the dialing to work.

Uh-oh.

We got a dialing problem.

That's why.

Is that shooting?

What?

Oh, yeah, the fake shooting that he did?

Yeah, man.

That was ridiculous.

I remember that.

That was just too much, dude, because there's a lot of people, you know,

didn't really know and really were concerned, man.

You know, he's just a drama king, queen, or whatever, you know, from the day, man.

So, but, you know, don't let that, don't let him influence our show, dude,

because we got all kinds of cool people here, gay or not.

Alright, I was able to call my cell phone here

Next to me on my desk, so we get that working

And we'll try to do another call

I got a nice little joint here

Dude, this is like

Cadillac purple

That's not cool, drugs are not

Cool, guys

That's right, fucking don't do drugs, man

Smoke weed, don't do drugs

Kids smoke weed, don't do drugs

Kids smoke weed

Who said that?

Nancy Reagan

look uh the fucking thing it's not it just sits there frozen with new news number numbers

new new your numbers are now freezing mike new news been really rotten at getting numbers lately

i must say oh my god oh in the chat i gotta respond kids don't try that at home don't smoke

weed at home don't try that at home no no jesus christ no why would you want to do that put that

poison in your body that was for a dynamic effect and don't do drugs at home either don't try them

no no don't do that all right clinical supervision of a physician yeah carlito will be meeting you

in the mj room here site pound mj and then he will fill out your prescription thank you

i wish i could do that man but i would have been thrown in a federal prison by a long time ago

probably for prescription writing i'd be like dr dick on the simpsons sure baby if he graduates

waits he's at a post-graduation party and he's he's telling the chick yeah baby i can

that i'm a doctor now i could write all any prescription i want now it's so funny

i need an answer whatever it was

oh shit i feel like elvis's pharmacist that fucking guy that fucking basically killed him

i think that's the same one wasn't he a cousin with one that got michael jackson too

i think jackson was just he was they both killed their fucking patients come on

listen why doesn't nobody admit michael jackson was autistic right can't we just admit that though

michael jackson was an autist severely autistic get that i mean how did you think he was autistic

dude because like he could like dance he could like talk he could he was like you know he was

very talented yeah they're usually focused on one thing and they can't function on anything else

Yeah, his dancing and singing.

That's all.

He was focused on everything else.

He was in La La Land about, dude, from the time he was a kid.

I don't know.

You classify it maybe functional autism.

I don't think it's autism.

I just think maybe he was obsessed with it.

He had something.

No, no, no, no, no.

He had, if it wasn't autism, it was something like that that was kind of some kind of spectrum disorder.

Obsessive compulsive?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Maybe he might have OCD.

I'd say probably OCD beyond health.

Well, severely OCD.

he went out with masks on all the time you know yeah well i mean yeah you know plus he didn't like

himself i would say i actually pitied the guy man i remember when he was a handsome young black guy

making his albums and then like before it was all over he looked like um not donna summer he looked

like his idol there the girl oh diana ross diana ross and his face was all you know peeled back

you know and had all that bleach look dude and he looked like some weird looking white girl dude

dude. It was really sad, man.

Just kind of feel like, you know,

looking at somebody like that and hearing how

they act and all the weirdness, dude, it's like

they didn't like themselves. They hated themselves

so much that they physically took a knife

and had their face rearranged.

That's sad, dude. That's a total

tragedy. I'm calling

a U.S. number that is working.

Hey, what do you say there, Hoss?

You got a blue 79

F-150 machine?

Yes, I do. Can I test drive

that motherfucker around, you know?

Yeah, probably.

Yeah?

That's nice.

Are you working tomorrow, President Steyer?

What's going on with you, Bubba?

I'm working tomorrow.

I work 5 a.m. until 7.15 in the afternoon.

Oh, shit.

Damn it.

What you do, buddy?

I work production.

I work with our swing shift.

Oh, shit.

Yeah?

That's crazy, man.

Yeah, I work on a production line, too, myself, making brakes, auto brakes.

Yep.

Yeah, yeah.

I work on brakes all day, man, working with steel.

I got the fucking steel all under my fingertips and shit, you know?

Fuck yeah, man.

Maybe I'll buy you a beer.

You drink beer.

Maybe we can have a beer and do a test drive.

Test drive the truck.

Have a few beers.

You can drive a truck, Marshall.

You don't drink anything, Bubba?

You smoke anything?

No.

You can have Marlboro.

Oh, well, yeah.

We can have...

You want to smoke some cigarettes and drive the truck, motherfucker?

Yeah.

It's a pretty good shape, 79, huh?

No, it's kind of rough.

Yeah?

Oh, it's roughed out, but it's got that good look on it, huh?

It's like a man's truck, right?

Yeah.

You do a lot of porking in it?

No.

You didn't pork your wife, nothing in there?

No.

Oh, no?

Did you, like your kid, did he pork his wife in there when they first met, got married?

I had something telling about him.

Something telling about him?

Yeah.

What's wrong with him?

Is he in prison?

No, I reckon.

oh is he married yeah what's his name will will bill bill oh yeah oh i know bill yeah he told me

to get he's the one who told me to give you a call actually yeah yeah yeah yeah totally i guess his

wife works with my wife i don't know yeah yeah that's what i'm saying my wife works in the in

the buses with the buses or something she does something with the buses you know yeah yeah maybe

Maybe that's how they met.

But anyway, so did you know about the tape that your son made?

No.

Oh, yeah.

It's him porking his wife.

Yeah.

Listen.

Listen to it.

See?

She's like, oh, Bill.

Wow.

Milkman.

He didn't dig that.

Oh, man.

We seem to have lost him.

I think he got so excited, dude, he had to go to the bathroom and go rub one out, dude.

Hello?

Hey.

You want to watch the video?

I'll bring it with me.

You got a VCR DVD.

He sat there and listened to it.

I think he's anxious to get to the ending, man.

I bet she probably thinks that's his sister-in-law screaming.

Is it his daughter-in-law screaming?

He's all wet now, dude.

He's wet and wild.

He's like, ah, shit, man.

I don't need to hear that shit.

That was my boy porking his wife.

What's wrong with that motherfucker playing that shit, motherfucker?

yeah i got 12 hours shift on production line man

i'll do the production line give me 12 hours a day i'll make doodles man make my metal

make my rubber make my plastic whatever it takes to give up their ass that's what we make

all right we're calling them back let's see what's okay

still the production line change the id we'll see what happens bill wants to talk to you buddy

a recorded message for you you can leave my voicemail answer who am i just one just one

voicemail that's it come on hello yes hi um if you call back here tonight my husband's working

he has to get up five o'clock in the morning uh-huh listen can i come back can you just let

it go to voicemail because i can leave a message you can call back tomorrow no just when i call

just hit cancel or reject and it'll go straight to the voicemail and i can leave a message for

please honey i don't have voicemail so is this gonna ring ring ring like a motherfucker yes

will you i have your number you better not call no more listen you son of a bitch put a man on

the phone i have audio of your son having sex hello they didn't hang up the phone they're

going at it listen here mom wow he sounds just like his son man like father like son baby i'm

telling you what a family dude that was awesome man that's a great call we're like son his mom's

Hot, listen to that shit.

Wow.

Is she a cougar or what?

Do you want me to call you at 5 o'clock in the morning?

What?

Do you want me to call you at 5 o'clock in the morning?

Oh, I'll be sleeping.

I'll be watching this video of Bill that I stole that's got him fucking his wife.

Well, that sounds good to me.

Do you want to hear it with me and masturbate?

No, I'll take and call the law and you can call me again.

I'm playing it right now, motherfucker.

I'll get you a bank.

Oh, yeah.

All right, leave him alone, leave him alone.

i guess i guess he seemed like he's a little bit perturbed now seriously that's enough that's

enough he's a little bit tired i think he's a little cranky dude he's got a whole 12 hour

shift of dildo manufacturing to work on tomorrow last thing he wants to hear is his son getting

on up his rear end there demonstrated by his wife he said sounds good sounds good sounds good

whatever call you want me to call you back it's got our quality stamp approval on it there like

Like, follow, like, soon.

That's right.

All right.

So, Nunez letting me know.

He's been messaging me about this all week.

I think some people have tried to call the number and haven't been able to get anything.

But he says this is the Saudi Arabian Embassy in Japan.

And accordingly, they have police units in Saudi Arabia dedicated to investigating sorcery.

So, call and accuse them of doing illegal magic and stuff.

all right i'll try now like i was saying earlier i hope this is not a wasted number yeah i know

it's a good one but you always do this you give them to every other idiot in your yoho and they

fall apart on it and ruin it but no milkman it's not even that anymore his numbers just

none of them have been working for anybody like for the last six months i think nooners man dude

what's up man come on dude are you like getting seen out here you know he's already like 97 right

I'm 87.

I'm 87 and he's 97, so come on, dude.

You ain't got too many good years left.

I don't think you're going to make it to 100, dude.

You'll be lucky if you make it to the end of the summer.

All right.

I may not be able to call international tonight.

I may not be able to dial out international tonight.

Looks like I can't.

Oh, shit.

Well, we are going to try.

We were going to try, Nooners.

But seriously, you need to tighten up on the numbers, dude.

I mean, you're getting a bad reputation.

That's not good.

Yeah, Nooners.

He's just in a slump.

He's in a slump.

But I think he needs a kick in the ass.

Come on, man.

I tell you what.

Get on AOL and Messenger, Lonesome Loser, and exchange a couple tips there, dude.

The guy is an expert, man.

He could help you, I'm sure.

And Lonesome Loser has produced good numbers in the past, man.

He always was a great collaborator with Lonesome Loser, too.

I don't know what the hell happened to him.

I guess since I'm not in here to give him a hard time, then he's kind of got weak on us.

I miss Lonesome, though.

I know you're listening, Lonesome, man.

Much love to you and your wife.

See if she'll let you help us out with numbers

Maybe once a month

Every once in a while

The numbers hit man

All hands held high my brother

The fists are held high for you man

He worked hard for eight and a half

Nine years so he deserves

He was the backbone man

Believe it or not people don't know

How great that man is

Take our word for it man

All fists should be held high in honor

He is a great man

yeah good good good point milkman we're playing outcast uh tonight the two albums three albums

by outcast i have queued up so i figured that'd be something to listen to and also wanted to say

that uh for the last uh few weeks i had lost my swap shop source there's a whole bunch of swap

shop online that these small rural towns in the united states have where you go online fill out

out of form and sell something local it's kind of like craigslist but on a micro really localized

rural in rural areas i mean they broadcast on am stations or fm stations you know um terrestrial

radio but listen um the one that i always had a lot of fun with out of tennessee and had been down

for like three weeks and uh i did a little digging and i saw their found their new updated site and i

I got them back.

They're back in business.

I'm so excited.

So we got the Swap Shop in good old Tennessee.

That's where that one guy we were just talking to is from.

Oh, nice.

That's the guy that does the 12-hour dildo production.

Yeah.

That's awesome.

Yeah, I have a lot of fun with these people.

And I've been having fun at their radio station's expense for about three years now.

Every week, these are the first calls I always do.

I've done whole shows where I just call people off this list.

um and he he's just at by now the radio station i thought they killed it i thought i killed it

you know what i mean like i thought it was my fault that they took it offline oh man don't

take it purposely dude they just didn't have very good material i mean you was the only thing that

kept him going for that six months yeah well the next number on the list is missing a digit so we

won't be calling that idiot whoever that was uh he's i i get no calls for my beautiful glass top

table with four shirted chairs uh but we do have someone looking for a small chi as to be a boy

as to be a boy a small chi chihuahua i guess chi yeah maybe yeah oh i love chihuahuas man you know

that dude ever since i had them on saint croix man you know oh no dude you know i saw i don't i

don't advocate mixing of dog breeds a lot because it generates a lot of genetic problems if not done

you know by people that really know what they're doing and stuff like that but i saw a dog that

looks so awesome today on youtube and it was a uh yorkie a yorkshire terrier mixed with a chihuahua

the dog looks so fucking cool like it was small like a chihuahua you know and but still had the

wiry and the the wiry hair and the the beard you know that they get the goatee looking thing it

looked really fucking dope i was like yeah yeah it looked like a very personable dog yeah i was

i was like oh i never thought of that i forgot what they call it they always give them a name

like there's like uh a lot of what is there like they're like lab lab your capoo hell i don't know

yeah yeah yeah yeah because you mix a poodle with something and you add poo to the end of it so you

You know, Yorkapoo, Cockapoo, there's a bunch of things that they mix with poodles.

Yeah, dude.

And then I worked with somebody who had a mixed.

It was a German Shepherd, and I've talked about this on the air, so I won't bring it up for too long.

But it was a German Shepherd and a Chihuahua.

Yeah, I guess the Chihuahua snuck up on the girl, German Shepherd, and had his way with her and

and produce there's a girl on my page there that has a mix she created her own breed she's a um

tell is it it's uh the little white dogs the uh they're relatives to the bijon the trolls

no no no they're little white dogs man they're real popular a maltese maybe okay the maltese

i think a maltese is like a four bear so she makes it with the maltese and something they're

the cutest little man she's come up with her own breed dude yeah i mean they look good

they look really cool especially when they're young but they develop problems when they're

older like hip dysplasia is brutal and some some breeds i think some pure breeds have endemic you

know like yeah irish setter yeah some pure breeds keep that red collar all those years dude one of

one of the dominant traits is the red collar but the recessive trait is the hip dysplasia and also

the american um the bulldog the bulldogs do i know i think like pit bulls i'm talking about

The other one, rotters, American rottweilers.

American rottweilers also get that pretty bad, too.

Yeah, yeah.

It's part of the inbreeding.

Is that just the hips separating out from the sockets?

Is that what it is?

Basically, yeah.

It's kind of like the joints not strong enough.

What is it?

The ligaments and the cartilage and stuff all around, all the connecting tissue is not strong enough to hold the bone in the sockets.

It pops out.

And those are the two big load-bearing legs for the dog.

Right.

Almost all the weight's dog's weight's going to be on his back, too.

That's why they're so much bigger.

When he's moving around, when he's running.

He hops, he does everything.

He sits, you know, and he gets up.

Always the last thing is his legs in the back.

That puts all his weight, man.

That's why they bend underneath so the dog can sit on his legs.

They fold underneath of it.

People's legs don't work like that.

That's why they call it dog legs.

Backwards.

Yeah.

I used to think Rottweilers were bad dogs and stuff,

But then Andy had a Rottweiler.

I mean, no, Andy had a pit bull.

I mean, I used to think that pit bulls were like bad dogs and stuff.

You know, like I was, oh, my God, you never should have had one.

And Andy had a pit bull.

He was the sweetest fucking thing.

Cap was the fucking man, dude.

He passed away.

I had a scapula terrier.

Yeah.

We got to do breaks, man.

Come on, milk bed.

We got sponsors, man.

It's all how you train them.

We got sponsors.

We're going to get to them.

We're wasting time.

Hello?

Yeah.

Hey, how you doing?

and you're uh you're selling that dog machine huh you're selling a dog oh yeah yeah you're

selling a dog god damn it dog yeah you got a small chi you're looking for a dog you're looking for a

dog no i done found one what's a chi a chihuahua uh no i done i done found uh somebody one listen

Listen, in the ad you put, you're looking for a small C-H-I-C.

What does that mean?

Chihuahua.

And you don't know how to spell Chihuahua because you're stupid?

No.

Then why don't you put it in there, stupid?

Well, I done found one.

Well, why?

You're wasting my time, you shit.

Why you do that?

Why?

Hey, I don't know what the fuck's going on tonight, man.

Milkman, I'm just being silly.

I'm just yelling and insulting people

because they don't have what I want

sometimes you just want to start cursing right away

you just get that habit man

you just kind of like start being stupid

and then finally work into

cursing man if that's the way to go

at least that way you get like half a mile out of it

before you run out of steam

alright here's a guy that has

a refrigerator for sale guy or girl

I don't know that guy was just deep

deep man couldn't hear shit

just working like baffling

Like, you know, just keep on asking stupid questions in the meantime.

And really make an ass out of them.

And then you're going to switch it over to the cursing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The cursing.

Well, you hear the old man now?

He was like, huh?

Well, let me call him back.

Hey, Sonny.

I know you're saying something to me now.

I'm going to call that guy back just because he's so funny.

My name's Noo-Noo.

And I used to get good numbers, but that's back when I was, like, 97.

I've turned 98 this year.

Huh?

Is that it, Sonny?

i don't know carl sanders i'm not mexican don't you understand huh huh who is this

huh quit acting fucking retarded who is this uh i'm calling about the dog huh uh we already

found one we're not interested so is that better milkman no that was much better i didn't do any

cursing at all that time no man it wasn't necessary dude because your humor shone through

say i got because i'm still all nasally you know from getting his sinus infections i could go

today's the first day i'm trying to really get some relief shit man you're skipping around

tonight dude tonight you sound like you're skipping around the room which sounds good

man because like you're on an up and up that's why you know it sounds good everybody's gonna

love it and i got my shirt on that helps out too yeah man dude like you know what you know

i want to get that picture please will you autograph a picture and send it to me like

I want to put it on my wall like a centerfold.

I'm really terrified.

It's on Facebook.

Of my fearless leader.

Someone posted it on Facebook underneath the posting of the episode.

Somebody tag me or link me to it, man, because I want to put it up on my poster on the wall, man.

Hermano.

I'll tag you.

That's my brother, dude.

The sexy Hermano.

I love you, man.

It'll be up in a few.

Don't worry.

You sex devil.

You look at you out there teasing all of our fans out there like that.

You can't have it, but you can look at it.

All right.

XP, you can never get this.

Someone's got an Xbox 360.

We had a lot of fun on Dwight.

He had an awesome show last night.

He had ads out there posted, and people were replying back.

He had his Xbox 360 he was getting rid of for free.

They're always like, what's wrong with it?

and he's always like yeah well i caught him you know my son's in trouble and it was it was just

us like coming up with reasons why his son was in trouble like i i said he was fucking his

girlfriend on i said he was i caught him fucking a girl on my bed and his kid or whatever it was

no i was the kid he put me on as a son i said yeah he's like you tell him why you did it like

tell him what you did and i'm like yeah i was fucking a girl on his bed and the girl was my

My cousin.

The guy's like, uh-huh.

Okay, yeah.

I think he just hung up after that.

Yeah, you don't say.

Yeah, you don't say exactly.

You read my mind.

That's kind of like what it was.

All right.

Mm.

Mm-hmm.

That really, yeah.

I'm surprised because I know you didn't hear it yet, dude, but it was funny.

I'm getting the feel of it, though.

It sounds pretty hilarious.

All right.

The same guy has a bunch of stuff.

He's got cables.

He's got an engine, a 360 engine, a new clutch.

Jesus Christ.

360 engine?

I don't know.

You mean like a Mopar engine?

360 and then a Mopar or something?

He has a Dodge 3-4 ton truck.

3-4 ton truck, he says.

Engine.

I don't know.

I might be wrong.

Any muscleheads out there, remember.

I think 360 is like a Dodge, isn't it?

or mopar product i don't know i can't remember it's a dodge engine apparently five i thought so

i called it right see you know why i know that because i hate dodges man that is the biggest

piece of shit there ever was dodge right around anytime you see one for sale dodge right around

it and get you a better car man no dodges i didn't know all right there you go no plymouth

i had many dodges dude every fucking one of them had a problem and nobody can work on them

yeah yeah no i mean any traditional mechanic because they did all their designs different

they were cheaply done and like uh that's why they didn't make it that's why they got um

what lee iacocca you know went bankrupt with them idiots what happened their vehicles sucked man

they were the worst dude my transmission went out and that thing went in two gears at once man i

hadn't had this thing like i don't know not even nine months fucking went in two gears at once

Yeah, and then they tried to tell me that it was my fault that I didn't know how to switch to key.

I had never seen a vehicle that goes in first and second at the same time, so maybe there is something wrong here.

Milkman, you should be saying all this.

Do a prank and just say all that about it.

Ask him about the truck.

I'm going to put you on with him.

All right, you ready?

Here we go.

Woo!

Milkman prank.

You just got to be yourself, man.

What kind of truck is it?

It's a Dodge three-quarter ton truck.

Yeah, hey, you got a Dodge three-quarter ton truck for sale still, buddy?

Uh, yep.

All right, then I'm going to put my man Milkman on the line.

He had some comments about that.

Hey, Milky.

Hey, yeah, man.

This guy that got the truck?

Yeah.

Hey, okay.

What kind of truck is that, man?

You say it lifted online?

Yeah, man.

It's like you said.

You said Dodge, right?

Yeah, it's a 2000 model.

Yeah, man.

You know, those things right there.

I don't know how in the heck you keep that thing running, man,

because, like, every one of those things there, you know,

this piece of shit, man, they go in the first and second gear at the same time.

Man, what are you trying to sell that thing?

Well, you want $500 for it?

Yeah, I'll take that Ford.

All right, dude.

I'll bring $150 to you then, man.

A piece of shit would be a Ford or a Chevrolet.

You ain't got nothing better.

Oh, not found on the road.

What are you talking about?

Dodge, man.

You dodge right around that piece of shit there as you're going to the finish line.

What do you mean?

Dodge.

Yeah, I've got three of them, and they all run great.

This one's got about 300 miles on it, 1,000 miles on it.

They never get somebody else.

Who the hell put a Japanese engine in that thing, then?

Because there ain't no way you got one from a Dodge.

You got one in the body, maybe, before it rusted apart.

Would you put Bond on that shit?

He hung up.

Let me get him back.

That's funny.

All right.

All right, here's my redneck call.

Let me up the hook now.

Piece of shit being forward or whatever else.

Found on road dead.

That's all that fucking redneck shit I heard.

Oh, he hung right the fuck up.

He's not happy, dude.

I'll drag on that piece of shit on the way to the finish line.

That was a good redneck argument.

Oh, fuck.

You know what an Indiana guitar is, Milkman?

Indiana guitar?

Yeah.

Oh, I don't know.

I mean, does somebody own one?

I've never heard of anything specific, no.

Tell me more.

This guy has one for sale for $40.

I know you know your guitars.

Yeah, it's like some off-brand maybe.

I couldn't tell you.

We'll see.

Hang on.

I'll put you on.

You did good, Milkman.

You see?

you asking me how you do pranks you just kind of yeah don't forget you gotta add a weird shit on

it to make it funny at the end you gotta be like yeah well i'm gonna take a shit in it oh yeah how

you got that guitar indiana guitar uh hold on just a minute all right go ahead hello yeah man

you got an indiana guitar yeah i'll just show what oh what what's an indiana guitar man what brand

brand is that indiana indiana where'd you get that is that like made in india no it's made in

indiana so made in india so like banjo style guitar is it like one of those banjos you know

no it's a regular regular guitar sitar oh okay so it's like it's one of those banjos

you know dueling banjos remember that dueling banjos it's the one of those right who am i

I'm talking to.

Oh, man, this is Marvin.

Marvin hits the regular guitar.

Uh-huh.

It's a banjo style, right?

Hello?

Yeah, but I sold it.

How much you want for this?

I done sold it.

You done sold it?

Well, you sell it.

I wanted to buy it, man.

Yeah, I done sold it.

I'm sorry.

All right, then.

All right.

Can I talk to your mother, please?

Motherfucker.

All right.

Let me talk to your mother.

He said, all right, then he hung up.

i got lost dude i suck dude i suck please man i suck you're learning no that's fine you see

i won't put you in a spot but that's how you gotta go for it i suck dude give me a break i suck i

know i'm horrible i was trying to i was trying to make it into a banjo you were saying like a

sitar it's called a sitar right that's kind of no banjo banjo banjo banjo

Banjo.

Yeah, like banjo.

Oh, wow.

Dude, man, that's next level stuff.

You did good, man.

You did a fusion prank.

Fusion!

For sale, 96 Mustang convertible.

I can do this one.

You take a break.

Five-speed with a new clutch.

AC Cruze Pioneer AM FM CD.

Ooh, CD!

And good tires.

It doesn't say good, like new tires.

It says good.

I don't know.

Good is relative.

New battery.

They sure put in a lot of money on this motherfucker.

what happened getting an accident let's find out our call has been forwarded to an automated voice

messaging system damn it call has been forwarded to an automated voice all right we ain't doing

that i guess good thing i didn't have a lot invested into it uh someone is looking for

okay we're done with friday's postings now we're starting at thursday's so these are getting older

these do answer sometimes still we got someone looking for a trailer to rent two or three

bedroom bedroom that's what he's all quick list uh no no they're still from uh swap shop this is

from a radio station in tennessee endless endless endless endless leads the station i'm not gonna

say where but it's on fm and am like it's simulcast on both all right it's uh straight up uh redneck

wnsh wnsh nashville that's one it's a bunch of hicks and stuff that's cool i think you're

out here in Nashville.

We got all the hicks

out here you can stand.

This is where

I'm always telling them

that I moved from

upstate New York.

I used to be a lawyer

and I bought

I bought a new ranch

at a brand new development

called Horse Machine Ranch.

They're always like

where's that at?

Is that near Rogersville?

They got beef

for Rogersville.

I don't know what's

it's like

on the Simpsons

it's like Springfield

and Shelbyville

like you for Rogersville

motherfucker.

It's a weird

You find out who the rivals are, you know, and then you go, you know, you call from a rival town, you know, you hail from the rival town.

That's right, buddy.

We're from Warren, you bunch of suckheads.

Yeah, you guys suck.

What you got to say about that?

Yeah.

Remember, like, the big game, though, the big high school game with the Crosstown Rival?

Fuck yeah.

I played in two of them, man.

We used to kick their asses, man.

I played in two of them.

We shut them out the first one, and the second one, we won.

I think it was 21 to 7, I think, the second time we played, my senior year.

Yeah, man.

Because we were a new high school, we didn't open until after my freshman year was in one high school.

And then the next year, the new high school opened, and I went to the new high school.

And it was really modern and new.

The older high school was old and busted, you know what I mean?

And both schools were on the same road, just on extreme ends of the city.

So, like, it was, they always called it, like, the battle for Highlander, the war for Highland Boulevard connects Deltona High and Pine Ridge High School in Florida.

There's only, like, two streets in the town.

One crosses, you know, the main street.

No, no, no, it's actually, no, like, the town, the city I grew up in, it's a city now.

It started out as a town when I was a kid.

by the time i graduated high school it had the third highest population after

metro orlando and daytona beach it was this town uh yeah yeah i've become a city did you guys ever

play like football and cattle cow fields or have anything like that there ain't cows on your field

while you're playing football or any of that shit the team i was on i didn't play my my the first

year of the school would have been my sophomore year i didn't play football yet but um the team

that i was on uh i was i was in band so i would i would go with the marching band and that year we

had uh to travel around with them we were forced since it was a first year school we were first

forced into like the the redneck high school um level so yeah your local redneck conference

so we went to some games like in like okachobee florida like where the big dock lake is like down

there and it was definitely yeah okay i mean it was cattle fields and like and it was like

fast ass mexicans like straight up like first generation mexicans like fastest fuck were the

receivers probably cubans too yeah yeah there was always a white redneck kid uh uh quarterback

back oh yeah yeah dude yeah we that's a cracker yeah that that so i didn't play in those games

but i was i was there for the games because i was with we traveled with the marching band we

always traveled with the football team yeah so there were a few of those yeah but by the second

year no no by the second years it was just you know just we were in whatever division based on

the class size yeah we had this one team man way the fuck out there in the boonies dude like 50

miles man you had to drive me in the bus man the back shitty ass roads and it's called wahama

dude you get out there and it's like it's big ass field like it's just got like a fence around it

and somehow or another like somebody lets cattle in this fucking thing during when they're not

playing the game right there's like cow turds and the whole fucking field seriously dude we're out

there playing football there's a fucking dot in a pile yeah shit yeah but you don't know this i

mean there's a hole there and then you like step in the hole and like twist your ankle

yeah man yeah dude and then it starts snowing man oh yeah dude but we play the rain and we

was like playing like that muddy like slit like like slick like dude you know where it's steamy

like snow and it turns to slush yeah and mud and we're playing this shit and we ended up breaking

one dude's arm we had this one black kid dude he must have weighed this is an high school he must

have weighed about 185 200 back then and we put him as running back we gave him the ball dude

Dude, he ran, plowed through this guy, tried to stop me, broke his fucking arm.

Damn.

Seriously, man, they couldn't stop me, man.

We killed that night, man.

I'll never forget that.

Yeah, the old fucking shitty-ass field out in Wahama, man.

Look at that.

Did you play in high school, or was this just with friends?

Was this with friends, or were you playing in high school?

Yeah, in high school.

No, this was in high school, dude.

Yeah, we had to play these fuckers.

What position did you play?

Oh, me?

I was center.

I was always center.

and then on defense i played no guard yeah yeah you see yeah see i played uh i was a um defensive

lineman d-line uh yeah yeah defensive tackle so yeah we basically played yeah pretty big man

i was a big guy yeah dude but i would um yeah it was cool because i could i could i was really

good at blocking and i always did all my routes right and shit they always it said they i was

was called house was my name my nickname everyone called me house cool that's where bad house comes

from it's because my nickname in high school oh really i didn't know that you never told me this

it's cool look this kid we found out a new twist in the story man my brother that was my nickname

in high school yeah i had no yeah yeah everyone said well someone will come in the chat room yeah

everyone said all a friend like a real life friend will come and they'll say hey house

yeah it's been a while they called me freeze man they called me freeze mr freeze yeah no but

seriously that's where i got that was it was i'll tell you what it was my friend jay they called me

mr free yeah everybody man always called mr freeze yeah when i when i was brainstorming to start the

show i remember it was online i was on able messenger i was talking to my friend jay funny

man i was talking to my friend jay from high school and i was like hey man i'm gonna start

a prank call radio shows like oh cool yeah it's okay you like remember those pranks he's like oh

oh yeah, I remember we used to prank call the radio stations

and I remember we used to record your pranks

and all that shit and let me hear them.

It was funny. And we had a rapport regarding

prank calls and we used to listen to the Jerky Boys

together and stuff like that

back then. We traded the tapes and

I remember I was like, so I need a title, a name.

It's like, you got to put house in the title.

Remember, that's what we called you in high school. I was like, oh yeah, you're right.

House, house. I was like, what do I do?

What do I do? And I was like, Madhouse. Yeah, Madhouse.

That's it. It's like, yeah, Madhouse.

That's where it came from. Seriously. Yeah.

that was after i never told you the story this is fascinating man that's cool that's gonna be

10 years it's gonna be 10 years and probably like i had no idea man that's funny so you

was house i was freeze man that's hilarious i was big guy that was big that's pretty big

yeah man all right then when i was in bowling they called me the ice man dude i used to

call me ice man i don't think they call you sammy like simone that's what i would call you

You'd be like, hey, Simone, what's up, man?

No, I was always real quiet, dude, like just frozen, man.

I mean, I get really concentrated, so that's why I always call me, like, freeze or, you know, ice, man,

because, like, man, once I'm in concentration, dude, you cannot stop me.

Milkman, can you play the ukulele?

You should.

I think you should get a picture playing the ukulele.

You look really funny because you've got that Asian face.

You've got, like, the big guy, but you're Asian, so you kind of look Simone.

You look Simone.

Hi, Lisa, please leave me a message, and I'll call you just as quick as I can.

Just as quick as I can.

this is quick as i can right now i'm working on my butt my my my dad is willy

all right we gotta someone's looking to buy a wood stove this is starting to get weak i'm

gonna have to start going over to uh dwight he's got some numbers for me did anything happen with

the new new number or was we just joking around um i i can't seem to dial be able to dial

all international numbers right now okay it just sits here and grinds away so that's the problem

i'll restart it at the break we'll see if we can get it to work well sure unless they change their

their plans i don't know i didn't get notification that please leave me a message that one doesn't

answer that's the same lady she posted twice in there she's looking for a wood stove she's looking

for a trailer to rent or a wood stove kind of weird right those two things would be like that

Or a Woodstove

Hey everybody

Don't forget if you're not in there now

And you'd like to see the video along with the music

You can go to tinychat.com

Slash prank call nation

I am currently in the tiny chat

Along with a few others

Let's see Dark Strangers in there

Bob Vance, Gil Mumbo from Africa

And uh

Oh what's up brother Pearlman

O'Neal's in the house

What's up big man

How you doing big Pearlman

They call him Pearlman because he has a lot of pre-cum

you know doing the chicks that's like deeters man so we got somebody filled in deeters old slot huh

yeah yeah yeah oh my god pearl man okay all right somebody's gonna do it it's funny his name is

pearl man and he's dark as fucking he's dark he's dark as africa that's cool though what's up man

we got a black listener thank god like i thought that was like you know like a jewish name i don't

No, it's Goldberg.

No, Jews are into minerals like Goldberg.

Goldberg is a Jewish name, right?

There's like the famous violinist of that name, right?

It would be ridiculous.

Jews don't deal in pearls.

They only deal in like gold and silver and stuff like that.

I'm talking about the name.

I'm not talking about dealing in pearls.

Jews, Jews, milkman, Juden, okay?

You know Juden?

Okay, maybe I'm wrong.

Juden, like Dr. Lego.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, there you go.

get in space baby that guy makes badass cars you see his new studio on facebook yeah it's banging

right motherfucking sick dude laying it out top rate fucking analog yeah yeah he's been forwarded

to an automatic voice that shit got off like he was he wasn't he was at without a house for like

a month or so i think he told me his whole fucking basement he had what over ten thousand dollars

just in his studio alone i don't know how much he had like at tnc gear because he makes guitars

guitars and shit down there fucking carving them you know guitars bodies and all that fuck out so

like hell he lost all of that so he must have got a hell of a you know a settlement you know from

the insurance and here he comes back and venues with super studio dudes yeah well he got that

he got that uh sandy money i guess and listen dude like he had a i wonder what happened to

his data center because it was on long island also i imagine probably got hit pretty bad that

Well, that depends on, you know, where it was because, like, where he was at, like, not all the areas were, you know, below the flood zone.

Yeah.

Some areas are higher.

Listen, don't make no offense.

He said it was that.

He killed me.

It came in through his door.

And, you know, at first he was toughing it out.

This is a story he told me.

He said at first he was toughing it out, you know, but then he said after about, like, three to five hours in, the water's still coming under the door.

And there's already, like, five foot of water in the basement, man.

He ran down there, and there's fucking smoke from the ceiling to the water, dude.

Everything was gone, man.

I was like, dude, man.

He didn't even get electrocuted either.

Oh, yeah.

He's lucky, dude.

You know, you've seen pictures of that place before, I remember.

Yeah, he was saying, like, you know, I'll roll tough it out.

And then he said, man, we wish we would have left.

Dude, I bet, man.

That must have been really terrible, man.

Because that door would have broke down.

You know, who knows how fast he would have filled that base from that.

Yeah, listen, guys, if you're in an evacuation zone for a hurricane, trust me, as a Floridian born and raised in Orlando, survivor of four hurricanes, just want to let you know when you're told to evacuate either because your house is made out of something or it's a temporary fucking mobile home or you live in a flood zone, heed that and go.

don't be the guy that's like i'm gonna stay back and have a hurricane party or i'm on my property

my sovereign soil of my house don't be stupid dude and and if you're not stay home that's the

other thing if you're not stay the fuck home because

what happens in florida is like the hurricane's coming and you get the people like

i'm digging it i ain't moving shit and then everyone else that just lives in the path inland

inland wants to get the fuck out and it's fucking retarded like it's the traffic gets crazy and in

the end it's like just sit there and take the storm even if it's a category five if you're in

a house that's at this point just fucking chill out you know just get get yourself a few six packs

and uh you know deck of cards and some candles no candles you're not safe don't do candles if you

can i say glow sticks that's what i used uh during hurricanes blue and green glow sticks

it meant no heat and they give the perfect amount of lighting for for an evening i highly recommend

that yeah but take heed the warnings if you're in a hurricane so don't be stupid same thing man

it's st croix dude and i lived in south south florida they're like mid middle to south florida

dude they have these no-name storms that wipe out shit all the time down there man people don't

even hear about it up here but just a big ass storm i call no name storms man shit wipe you

right off the fucking map dude when it's time to go get out of there man because that water

will come up quick and it's called tidal surge for a reason because like normally your water's

supposed to be at the beach and when it means surge that means it's going above the level of

the beach on the land and pushing way the fuck in and staying in because there's a big ass

That's a big swell.

It's a big swell, yeah, yeah.

Like a big wall of water being held against there by wind.

That's what the tidal surge is from, the wind blowing in.

You got a few storms when you're in St. Croix, right?

Or at least I came in close.

Fucking A, dude.

Remember when I ruined all my shit?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But listen.

I broke the wind out, and I had to put a big plywood board up there and shit just to keep the rest of the rain out.

Yeah, dude, but you know what's crazy?

Do you remember the eerie silence in the middle of the day before a hurricane hits?

You know what I'm talking about?

There is no way.

The birds are hiding.

You don't hear birds chirping or anything.

You don't hear nothing.

No fucking bugs.

No nothing.

Everybody's trying to hide.

The pressure's dropped.

It's crazy.

And every living being except humans has figured out it's time to get the fuck out of here.

That's when you're like, ah, shit, there's a storm coming.

And there's no wind at all.

is in the grinder right there no wind at all it's fucking nuts and after hurricane goes

it's crazy how cold it gets after hurricane like i remember it's july and we're like all right we're

gonna have no power probably for a week which means we're gonna be in florida in july where

the temperatures hit the low to mid 90s every day um we're gonna get that for a few days and

the house inside becomes like 110 115 it's fucking nuts it sucks dude to have to go a whole week with

that you have cold showers and you have no air conditioning at night and even if you open all

your windows and have a fan going in the middle of the night it is so fucking hot that it still

feels like it's in the mid mid 80s at least to high 80s at night it is fucking unbearable

like you find i remember all of us lived through this uh we you you would find yourself

dude we had a battery operated fan man that's the only thing i had unless you have a fucking

muffin pan at 12 volts yeah unless you have a a fucking um a generator to hook up your tv and a

big-ass fan and maybe your fridge your it's fucking rough but at least i kept gallons of

water man all these gallons of water lined up man in a big closet yeah but the first week not the

first week the first day and a half or so after the hurricane comes through it sucked up so much

of that energy and shit uh from the atmosphere uh from uh weather-wise i should say that is

actually cold and all the thermal energy went into the making of the storm exactly right it's cold

and breezy at least nearly a cold front in in its absence after all that so you get a little break

at first like but like i remember like it's like oh fuck we you know like it's it's nice and cool

right now it's air it's like it's air conditioned the whole world right now but in a day it's

It's going to cook off, and we're going to be stuck with 92 degrees no matter what.

So, yeah.

Remember, I was out for two weeks, man.

We was out for two weeks, dude.

People was calling and bitching, man, like at the electric company, man,

because, like, parts of the island was out even longer than two weeks.

Yeah.

And then, yeah, so what?

And the fucking thing is, here's the thing.

So this is particularly after Hurricane Charlie,

which hit Orlando as a strong Category 4 or mid-Category 4,

maybe strong Category 3, I don't remember.

Sustained winds over 100 miles an hour.

So everyone loses power.

You tell me, Milkman, what will get power restored first?

What do you think are the priorities to get power restored?

Because I still remember what it is.

Do you know?

It's hospital.

It wouldn't be first.

I was going to say it would be government.

stuff probably yeah you're right hospitals like emergency services or like police like government

type of shit anything authority wise number one yeah i'd say yeah listen number one is uh is the

airport whatever airports are are in the area they get power services restored first just to get the

people out of there who don't need to be there and that's to get flights coming in again yeah

airport is first uh and then it's hospitals and emergency services and after that it's um

commercial but the major like the malls get power and the major shopping centers and the reason for

it was actually really cool like instead of sitting at home sweltering or having nothing

to do you couldn't work because work doesn't have power you're off of work and shit right you could

at least go to the mall and hang out do maybe do some shopping or eat out you know because you can't

cook at home but you can eat out so yeah dude the malls and malls were packed the movie theater

every movie fucking everybody's sucking now oh my god because you know how it's like if it's

that is fucking dude you might could have been in boiling water and you'd have been drier

in florida yeah yeah we it was so we were so roasting so bad that yeah like you the movie

theater is like to sit in air conditioning for two and a half hours you know it was it was great

yes yeah it's like heaven yeah and then after that people in orlando you just go disney uh

disney and universal and shit because it's at least something to do and they've got power they've

They've got air conditioning in the rides and shit like that.

And yeah, so and they've got a lot of tourists on there.

So they get their shit fixed up really quick.

Disney has their own power company for fuck's sake.

Disney has their own power company on there.

That wouldn't be surprised.

It's called the Reedy Creek Development Group.

Powering and water and utility.

It's called Reedy Creek Development.

It's owned by Disney.

They do their own shit.

Yeah, dude.

They got their own fire, their own fire force, fire department, their own police force.

Wow.

Disney in Florida, dude.

dude. It's like a city. It's the size of a city.

I've never

seen it down there.

I just looked at the one in California

and it didn't actually stop.

Disney in Florida is crazy. The amount

of powers they have and the Florida Constitution

that they gained.

Walt Disney basically said, I'll buy all

this land, but you've got to let me run it

like it's my own city.

I think the board of representatives

is like four people or five people

that all work at Disney.

You know what I mean?

that's that's it's it's real there's no interest there yeah but they don't have to report um

deaths on on the campus at all oh really oh like somebody got fell off a ride or whatever he didn't

no he had he fell he went to the hospital he died at the hospital no matter what he died in the

ambulance on the way to the hospital after they left disney property that is the line at disney

As much as possible

They'll find a body

I remember once some guy

He got suicidal, he was with his family

He was from out of the country

I think it was Japanese, one of those countries that has a lot of suicide

And the guy

Jumped into some kind of river

Or pond system at Disney

And they found him the next day

Floating dead

And they loaded him on an ambulance

And announced him dead outside

Stuck in a filter all blue

They announced him dead outside of the park

though that's what happened yeah sure heart attacks are fine strokes are fine passing out is

fine dying on disney property never happens nope all right guys remember bruno vega was that remember

bruno vega yes the guy that stole all the water from uh the virgin islands he was puerto rican

right he was he was in charge of the the um wapa water and power authority yeah but just real quick

we should go back to the call that is going to bring it up that you was talking about

about all that power and shit and all the stuff that was going on.

That stuff where we was bitching about Bruno Vega was not too far from the time

when all that power and shit happened on the island I was talking about.

That's how I got the one to call about Bruno Vega with the recluse

because he was doing that perfect accent.

And I said, why don't you call these people on the island

and pretend like you're Bruno Vega because everybody hates him.

All right, listen, Milkman, hang on.

I got started.

Stop the clock, Milkman, hang on now.

Now, can you, real quick, because I knew about it because my Puerto Rican family, I went to Puerto Rico, saw it in the papers there.

It was big local news in the Virgin Islands and Puerto Rico and that area, but I don't think anybody else really knew.

So, Bruno Vega ran a company out of Puerto Rico, a power and water company out of Puerto Rico, right?

Is that what it was?

Yeah, it's called WAPA, Water and Power Authority, and it's actually in the Virgin Islands.

Now, I don't know if it's from Puerto Rico, but he's Puerto Rican himself.

himself okay so what do you do very very thick accent so what did he do exactly so basically

he's a piece of shit he ran all the rates up he did this like like selective power selection um

nobody got their power turned on all his friends did other power lines you know that like the

normal neighborhoods never got fixed for long periods of time like phone lines would be down

so everybody fucking hates him and then he raised the rates after all that bullshit again so that's

That's why whenever we said Bruno Vega, use that because everybody was cussing about him because electric was already more expensive than California electric anyway.

Wow.

Yeah.

So that's why he was so hated.

Okay.

And then what the water situated in the Virgin Islands, or at least in St. Croix, is it?

There are no bodies of fresh water on any of those islands, right?

Everyone has to have a cistern and they have one desalination plant.

Is that correct?

You know what I'm talking about?

Milkman, are you there?

We lost milk.

Oh, milkman, we're losing him.

I think that's God telling me, hey, man, do a call.

You've got sponsors to think about.

Man, am I talking a lot tonight.

Let me get the Dwight numbers here.

While milkman reconnects his machine.

He might have gotten a phone call.

Just a minute.

Let's see if Dwight sent anything.

And he has.

Good.

Let me mark these as red and copy them over to my notepad.

I just have a much better, easier time doing this shit on notepad.

I know Dwight's around tonight

and I know Baz said he'd like to join us

tonight also

did I lose internet connection

that's most important

the modem has sync so it's not that

and I'm still encoding so it's not that

listen to this music

YouTuber stand by

get you back

sorry dude I don't know what happened I just lost the internet

for some reason

action's been really good tonight dude

I'll take a glitch like that

but i am going to work on that problem dude um i will have an internet connection here

sometime in the future not right now but i am working on that problem dude yeah well oh yeah

if anyone's if anyone's asking yeah we did raise thanks again to everyone who helped milkman out

last week i'm hoping that the funds are released to me tomorrow they said i think it said five to

to seven days and i uh extract i processed the withdrawal last monday um so that'll be seven

days but i'll let you know milkman but yes i want to thank everyone who did that yeah you can still

donate now if you want to help milkman out the um that is reopened it's gofundme.com slash milkman

man i really did i want to thank you guys can you hear me yep i hear you oh brother i want to

thank you man really all all of my friends out there you know rallied to my side man you know

i had a rough time and i really appreciate it because um i didn't want to bring it on anybody

but however you found out i'm really thankful that y'all put the chips down the table when

they counted man thank you man i love all you guys everybody out there helped me and even the

ones that didn't i don't care i still love all you man you're all part of my career yeah thank

you brother you're the best man love you we all love you milkman yeah and yeah the community

really came through last week i mean that's we have a really good group of people here dude

don't forget that i mean really dude i mean i was so touched i just i could not believe i would

have never expected it i would have never asked and like a miracle out you know from heaven that's

why i thanked everybody the way i did because it's all like it's a miracle to me you know really

yeah this is the fastest way i knew of getting the funds to you you know that's why i did it

like this other than you getting a paypal account but then i knew you had concerns about

oh we would all have concerns about everybody has identity concerns and if you want to keep it

you know that where nobody has to worry about their identity and you know i think you come up

with a good solution dude thank you so much brother really man i don't know how you figured

this out or why you even did it man but i really appreciate it man seriously man thank you no

problem all right no problem i'm looking at an ad for i guess the ad says this little guy's still

still available i but i don't see a picture of it i don't know if it's probably a dog i don't know

let's find out my voice is going there that's one thing that's one problem because i'm coughing a

lot what the hell happened here i must be my neck recycled do you need a ghost booted or something

no i'm gonna just i'm gonna type the command in here it should do it i figured out the command

after a while see if it works all righty no this number's not going through

Uh-oh.

I'll try again.

Too early to take a break, but I want to restart Vox House here.

All right, let's listen to the song.

Stand by.

All right, I'll give it a shot of beef here in a second.

We'll see what happens.

Good old shot of beef can't hurt, right, Milkman?

Yeah.

Beef curtains, man.

Nothing wrong with beef curtains, dude.

That beef is dedicated.

Give me that curl, man.

That's what I'm here for.

I'm telling you, Pearl, man, you're making them strings.

All right, this number won't go through.

I'm hoping it's just a number.

Vox House is acting a little tricky.

Did you say something about you had to restart it or that was a break thing?

No, I did restart it.

I just played a song while I restarted that machine.

Okay.

I kind of figured as we were pausing, that's why I didn't say anything.

Nope, you did the right thing, Mokey Man.

We were taking a quick music break there.

All right.

Yeah.

little twister here's uh katie katie is saying she has a little twister jet eight-year-old

registered bay paint mare sounds like a horse horse anyone can ride her i've put kids from

two years old to 17 without a problem smooth gates gentle and 15 hands oh yeah

great pleasure or trail horse or broodmare yeah we can breed her out you know what i'm saying

barrel racing bred not a rodeo horse i need a step-up horse had great experience and built

of confidence with her but now i need to sell her to a good home for 3500 dollars sell i'm

selling my love away my beautiful horse here we go

as long as you don't sell the cat too it'd be a horsey cat sale

Oh, my horse.

I've got to use that voice as long as I got it.

This is Rastafari's.

Oh, answer the phone.

Hi, this is Katie Clifford.

I'm sorry I missed your call.

Please leave a message.

I'll be back in a minute.

Katie Clifford.

Get on the map.

Damn.

Post a number rolling up on my phone.

I don't know this heck, man.

I ain't going to sit back here and wait for the message to be sexy, man.

That Carlito man, I might call him right back.

Carlito, man.

All right, we'll strike her off the list here.

Tracy Lynn Mitchell.

Why am I giving out full names?

Fuck.

Tracy has a so-so board.

Oh, she is so-so board.

She spelt it B-O-A-R-D.

That's why.

I mess it up.

Someone call or text me.

Okay.

Some numbers work, some numbers don't tonight.

This one does not.

I don't know what up.

I don't know if they're having like a switching problem or something.

All right, we'll skip that one.

Eh.

Ricky asks if anybody wants to work shoveling a roof tomorrow morning.

Sure, yeah, why not?

Ricky.

Let's see how much this fucker wants to pay.

Ricky Ricardo.

Ricky, man.

Ricky.

Man, this number's doing it, too.

Son of a bitch.

I don't get it.

You got, like, something laying on the corner of your keyboard

holding the key down somewhere?

No, no, no.

Because, like, I mean, I can...

I've done some that do.

Like, watch.

Let me see my cell phone now.

Let me see if it works.

Let me turn the ringer on.

I don't think it's on silent mode.

Everyone loves my ringtone.

It's the Pac-Man song.

Like, the original arcade Pac-Man.

startup song yeah all like i'll be in public and be like what is that donkey kong

that one yeah doesn't like is that donkey kong like no pac-man oh yeah

all right so like i said i can call my my own number with it just some hey here's one here i'm

I'm gonna put in a Skype to you, okay?

Somebody send this in, man.

Alright, I'll grab it in.

Get it?

Yes.

Selling woman's contract

at the village at South Campus.

A woman's contract.

Moving home to save money

before I get out of the place.

It's a house then, I guess?

Okay.

I don't know how you sell a woman's contract.

I don't get it, but hey, whatever.

dude all right let's see if this number works nope what the fuck we might have to take an

emergency we got a problem with something there i think yeah all right i'm gonna try

killing the task again from the task manager let's try this can you just close the whole

application out i am all right so i just closed it kill the task and kill all processes right

click it and then do all processes yeah windows 8 tree yeah it does that windows 8 i got it

all right so this has been enough time i'm gonna open it up again milkman hey man you gotta put a

battery in that thing is that the landlord's problem that beep oh fuck dude i just put a

battery in i think there's something wrong with the motherfucker dude because the battery like

shocked my tongue dude so yeah don't do that i'm too lazy to fucking go get a volt meter for nine

volts i just put on my tongue you know it's like it if it like makes my tongue jerk around my mouth

like that and yeah it's working all right it still fell let me reset my caller id

no i just like to shock the hell out of my tongue man that's the fun part of it

i used to do that with my girlfriend right man she didn't know man i took that battery

on the side of my tongue when i was working like what do you do no don't do that that's

you can get high like that is that what you're doing trying to get high for cheap man you all

all see how fast your little tongue goes like it's like a little snake tongue man yeah i put

a little doggy to shame man oh my god dude the chat is obscene oh my goodness i don't want to

know dude it's obscene dude i'm just gonna just laugh because they all know who typed it and i

you know if you're not in the chat right now you better get in there because it's gonna scroll up

yeah look i could get anything to work with this uh calling program i just have to take a break

or something let me i don't know we'll see you got you got a call or a song queued up yeah well

we can go we could take a we could take our break early tonight that's fine that's fine i can i'm

just saying if you're gonna have something quick dude just fucking recycle it i mean it's a good

break i just said if you got a song i don't know what the fuck whatever you think bro you got a

song milkman do you have a song in your heart oh dude you know i you know i've got a list of songs

I was doing, you know, do whatever you need to do, man.

I mean, you know.

Yeah, no, no, chill out.

I have faith that I'll get this to work.

If not, we'll take a break.

Here's Mary.

You don't have White Horse, right?

You don't have that one anymore, right?

That's gone, right?

I might, but I want to hear straight.

Then we'll play you what you want then, dude.

There you go.

That'll make you feel better.

I want to set it off.

Let's see if this works.

Hello, friends.

New year.

Get the house a-fucking-shakin', biatches.

Single and seeking.

I hear you.

For ladies or men?

Or both?

Her name's Mary.

And the number doesn't work.

Dude, I don't know.

I can call myself, but I can't call out anymore.

I'm a smoker detective.

Dude, I got to take that motherfucker out, dude.

Hold on.

I'll be back.

You really can hear that shit, huh?

Hear what?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, nothing.

All right, I'll be back, man.

Don't worry about it.

No, no, no.

It's really ghetto is what I'm saying.

No, it's irritating to me.

It used to wake me up.

But, dude, it's like anything, dude.

I can, like, screen it out, man, because it's become a common sound now.

I don't hear it no more.

We'll go get it.

Look, man, my concern is that it's not going to work when you need it to work,

and you don't own that place, you rent it.

You need to get your landlord on that shit and say,

hey, motherfucker, you fix this shit, I pay the rent here, motherfucker.

You tell him that, man.

All right, dude.

Okay, I'll go stick the battery on my tongue, I'll let you listen.

No, dude, I don't want you to fall asleep with that CPAP mask,

you won't even smell the fire.

Knowing you, you're going to sleep right through the fire.

You'll be like, ooh, I'm sleeping.

Dude, I won't even need to light up my bong, dude.

He comes straight to me, man.

This is a hell of a hit, baby.

Last hit that I share with everybody, man.

All my crew, baby.

See it now, man.

I'm going up in smoke.

Oh, yeah.

Chemicals, yeah.

Dude, that'd probably be a lot of good weekend.

Like, redundant THC left in me, you know, before I completely vaporized.

Yeah, but, like, grease spot wouldn't be as big now, right?

Because, like, you know, I'm not, like, margarine-filled anymore.

What?

I got out of work.

All rejected.

call rejected

did you hear that I got it to work

it said call rejected

yes hi there

you've reached the call machine

it's all fucked up I'm gonna have to take a break

fuck your spaces machine I'm the call machine

alright we'll take an early break then

fuck it milkman I'm gonna play some prank calls

a little bit of music

be back in about maybe 9-10 minutes

cause I gotta do a full reboot of

the laptop bitch motherfucker right there

now if you're on YouTube you ain't gonna hear nothing

then. Ha ha.

Stupid.

Go to prankcallnation.com and fix

that problem. I'll be right

back in a moment. Thank you.

Be sure to visit us

online at madhouselive.com

Madhouse Radio

will be back right after this.

Yeah, hi. Listen.

I've got a complaint here. There was

a man who was defecating on your property

and I don't appreciate that.

My son saw that.

Where?

Where on the property?

Outside.

We were going to park in there to go purchase some cards or something like that.

My son dragged me down to the store of yours, okay?

Okay.

There's a man in a cat costume or some kind of animal costume,

and they're playing some game out there,

and the next thing I know, he's squatting like he's an animal,

and he defecated on the floor outside in front of my car,

in front of me and my kid.

You parked up front here?

Yes, I was parked up front.

Some man in a cat costume, or dog costume, I don't know what the hell it was.

He basically crossed down like it was an animal and he pooped in front of my kids.

My kid was like, what's that, Dad?

And this guy was right there, pooping, right in front of everybody.

You know what? My daddy's been to jail.

I mean, I wish someone would have come and told me that.

I'd have gladly done something about it.

Do you have a cordless phone?

Do I? Yes, I'll walk out there right now.

Go out there right now, and I want you to tell me you see that poop right there that he left.

It's right in the front.

By

a blue, I mean, I'm out the front door, right?

I'm out here out in the front door.

Yeah, keep going.

Where?

I'm not aware.

I need to know where in the front, from the front.

Where are you at with the blue thing?

I'm right by the blue Bronco.

Maybe go a little further out towards the street.

Okay, hold on one second.

I have to have someone watch the counter for me.

All right, keep going.

I'm in the middle of the parking lot.

Keep going.

Where, though, which way do I go?

Go towards the street more.

All right, there's like 10 different parking spots up here.

Yeah, keep going.

In front of your car?

Yes, he bent down in front of my, he bent, he crashed into position right in front of my car and he let out poop.

He was pooping.

I'm not where all the gravel is between the parking lot and the main road.

I am not seeing any poop here.

You see right in front where the road is on the curb?

What, the road?

Yeah, right on the road on the curb.

If they're on the main road, I can't do nothing about that.

I'll keep an eye out for it, but.

No, I'm holding you responsible.

Irresponsible? The guy asked him, what are you doing?

He said, I'm a member of the furry club inside, he said.

Well, that's pretty hard because we banded all furries from here about three weeks ago.

Well, he said he had a right to do it, he told me.

No, he did not.

And I could actually have the manager talk to you if you wanted.

But, I mean, we banded all furries when we changed our hours.

Why? They were doing that nasty stuff there?

Well, they were starting to, I don't know about that nasty stuff,

but they started to make this place a hangout,

and they were just hanging out outside all the time.

So, basically, when we changed our hours, we banned all furries.

So they're not supposed to be here at all.

Well, listen.

And if something like that was ever to happen, I wish they would have said something that they were outside.

I would have gone out there and took care of it.

I'm holding you responsible that this man in a cat costume was pooping in front of everybody there.

I have no control over what one person does.

There was a whole group of them.

Is that manager there you can put him on?

Call him on.

You can pick up.

There's a guy here that wants to talk about fapping on the park.

And I tried explaining to him that, I mean, we banded all furries, but he said he wants to talk to a manager.

He'll be coming up in a second.

He was in the back.

Okay.

But, I mean, yeah, I mean, we banded, like, I don't know if you knew our hours before, but we had our hours where we were 24-7.

And about three weeks ago, we changed our hours to where we're open from Thursday to noon till Sunday to midnight.

And when we did that, we banded all furries from being allowed to come here.

You banded them?

Yeah, we went to where they're not allowed to come here.

But they might have done that just because we banded them, and we had no control over that because we told them not to come here anymore.

Yeah, well, you guys need to sanitize that parking lot.

I'm going to report you guys unless you bring a crew out to sanitize the entire parking lot.

Stand by, milkman, stand by.

Okay, well, the manager's coming out, but I don't like that.

Milkman, stand by, milkman.

I mean, and I can't watch the parking lot 24-7.

We do our best.

Well, I don't care if you banded them together or not.

They're banding together.

They're going outside and defecating.

Who knows what else they're doing out there, disgusting people like that.

And those people doing drugs.

I saw on TV that those furry people were doing drugs.

At all. We don't allow that kind of stuff here.

Well, you used to three weeks ago. You let the drug people there.

I did what?

You let drug people there three weeks ago.

Well, I did not, sir.

The people you were talking about.

Well, the drug people and the furry stuff.

And they're so out of their mind on crack cocaine and methamphetamines that they're pooping everywhere.

Well, I don't know which people you were talking about, sir.

But like I said, we've banned them for reasons for them just coming out here and not doing nothing.

Where's the manager?

Coming up. I just called him.

It's taking a long time.

Wow, so you sell energy drinks there?

What?

what you sell energy drinks there don't you yeah we sell energy oh god no wonder wait for cole

because cole was uh he went to talk to a manager so i'm just waiting for cole who's that guy is

that the guy no it's waiting for wait no it's not the manager but the manager's coming up front sir

is that the guy that was pooping in the parking lot the crap there what do you got no all right

is this a train call because this is no time is worth more than that get off the phone with this

number yeah you put him on the phone right now not the manager sir that's disgusting i'm writing

this out of my report okay what's your name my name's tiny and what's the other guy's name the

guy who was saying that uh that he's gonna hang up on me that i'm a numbskull i heard what he said

what's he saying what's his name no i'm writing all this down in my report i want to know because

i'm i'm getting with the health commission the health people uh department of health

he's upset that apparently a furry crap inside of his car when he brung his kid to buy cards

and tell him tell him that i'm i'm making a report to the department of health tell that

that guy that too people covering for this thank you for calling mci's ani verification system

these people are covering for them you hear them in the background they're covering for each other

i know they're all involved in this they do these things there with that i saw i heard about this on

in 2020 where they do these things they act like animals and they do defecate and everything on

each other and they try to keep a secret are you there sir i'm right here sir i had seen a report

on this where they they did you furries you defecate and you do all these rituals and stuff

like that and that you had this whole culture and everything like that and that's exactly that that

man the disgusting perverted man did that in front of me and my son well we don't we do not allow that

I don't know how it is our fault, sir.

No, you can do this on your property.

Our business is responsible employees, and none of our employees have nothing to do with that.

The wires are a man dressed like some kind of cat animal outside defecating, pulling out his private parts.

That has not happened since I've been here, sir.

I don't know where that came from.

It happened today.

And if someone would have told us that happened outside, we would have went out and took care of something like that.

But nobody told us.

What about the cameras that you're supposed to have?

We have no cameras for outside.

There's children going there.

You don't have cameras.

That man sure has a lot to say.

You put him on the phone.

How about this, sir?

Can I just give you the email so you can email the manager?

Let me talk to that guy.

Let me talk to that smart-mouthed little man.

Well, I don't need you giving me attitude now

because I'm trying to talk to you and being civil,

and now you're snapping at me.

He's giving me attitude.

Let me talk to that smart man so I don't have to take it out on you.

He thinks he's so smart.

Mark, he's disgusting.

The email's on our website.

You can go to the website.

I just told him to tell him.

I don't use the Internet.

My son's not allowed to use the Internet anymore because of this.

We can do.

Okay.

So, no.

Put him on the phone.

He's not working right now.

He's a woman.

You tell him I said he's a woman.

Tell him.

I'm not getting into this drama, and I have other customers I have to take care of.

I'm going to come down and hit you in the head with a fucking wooden mallet.

Free at 1-888-278-8509.

You know what, I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trapdoor at the bottom.

So when you die, you open that trapdoor at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight to hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

we're back i'm carlito the host of madhouse radio uh the normal calling machine is not working

right now vox ox what it normally is i don't know if they've banned me or something's wrong

on their end or my end i don't know but in the meantime dash he's letting us use his system

Thank you, Dashie.

I appreciate it.

And Dwight's here.

Dwight's going to be manning the con.

You're going to make it so tonight.

Hello, Dwight.

I guess I'm going to turn the fucking microphone off.

Come on, man.

Yes, I will make the machine go.

All right, Milkman, you here still?

Milkman?

Yeah, I'm here.

I'm on mute.

Okay.

So, yeah, your mic is way low, Dwight.

Damn it.

Shit, fuck.

There, it's here.

It's at my mic.

All right.

i'll turn up i'll turn up the shit uh but we're gonna need to use uh the dashie dashie's calling

machine in order to make calls tonight uh and i don't know how to drive it so dwight's gonna help

out with that thank you dashie thank you dwight no and it's here also all right so can we pick

up where i left off which according to my notepad here is well actually uh the tracy who was bored

You got you got that?

Yeah, she can go.

Hello?

Oh no!

Thank you.

Oops, forgot the camera.

Oh man.

All right, who's next?

I'll go next.

I give him two, then I toss them.

You got Ricky.

Ricky says, anybody want to work shoveling a roof tomorrow?

This is what I wanted.

Yeah, connect that.

That sounds interesting.

I love that Colorific has a personality.

It's awesome.

Dashie, seriously, where'd you get the sound effects for Colorific?

Was it some kind of open commons site or something?

I love them.

Found them randomly.

They're fucking dope.

I thought they were, like, my little pony related.

Hello?

It'd be funny if there were clopping noises.

You have reached the voicemail box of...

All right.

Try it again.

Well, then, let's shovel that roof, Big Rourke.

You have reached the voicemail...

Damn.

All right.

What's next, then, Dwight?

We have Mary.

Hello, friends.

Apparently, she's single and looking for a mature man to enjoy the rest of her life with.

Oh, that's me.

Let's do it.

All rejected.

Oh!

That's what happened to me too

There's no sense in doing a readout

Because she's just going to kill us again

Yeah so alright

So that was working still

What about this next one

She's in New York

She's complaining about DirecTV

I guess she sent her DVR

To record the 40th

40th anniversary SNL show

Which I missed I didn't watch it

I guess I can watch it online hopefully

Who who

Who's she bitching at

yeah those are tbr let her know computer shows it was her error michelle eugen i am unable

damn it make it so dwight let's try again retargeting fire phasers mr dwight

no oh well uh someone in north carolina reported having trouble asking if anyone

else was having trouble seeing the same thing i guess last night right or just in general okay

okay yeah uh engage engage what hashtag disappointment misspelled

fail hashtag hashtag fail i don't even know how to use hashtags man like i know what the thing is

but i don't want to deal with it fucking twitter oh it's been forwarded to i don't have the

attention span for twitter anymore shit damn it it's been years since i have yeah fucking shit

Your call has been forwarded to...

All right, well, we'll scratch that motherfucker off here.

Ian?

Ian Malcolm, who I understand was involved in the Isla Nublar incident in 1992,

had a complaint about United Airlines.

Still unclear why we had to go to Houston first.

Whatever.

Yeah, fire.

Houston.

Plot a course for Houston, Mr. Dwight, and engage warp 6, please.

Thank you for calling Desperado.

Please note that our phone system has recently been updated to 3.0.

Desperado!

As the extension of the person you would like to reach, you may enter it at any time.

To access our dial-by-name directory, please press 9.

For general assistance, please...

I don't think that's the right person.

Oh, well. Desperado. It's a good movie.

Lauren Crivo says,

Thank God I was able to switch to Delta now after a three-hour delay.

Friday and three canceled, misspelled.

flights for no reason from mine blah blah blah get her on the phone fucking

asshole what a fucking asshole kill it try to get your car do a Twitter

complainer it's been a while since I've had one so delicious your call has been

forwarded to an automated voice messaging system three three zero um we

got a Comcast complainer someone called to cancel their service to attempt to

To keep her biz, he offered me a plan priced exactly what I'm already paying.

LOL exclamation point.

What a joke.

Indeed.

Let's do it.

Shalisa.

Hello.

State your name after the tone and Google Voice will try to reach.

Shalisa Hayes.

This is Comcast.

I agree.

Shalisa Hayes.

Unfortunately, I'm not available at this time.

Shalisa my ass.

Hello.

State your name after the tone and Google Voice will try to reach.

Shalisa Hayes.

This is Comcast.

what kind of call center is this from an aircraft carrier well she hit the fuck you button kill

let's go to voicemail i know i feel it i feel it's anger uh we got john with no h uh says hurts

luckily that company's still business hurts luckily i got a smart support person who had a

few ideas to try like the cc whatever asshole we'll give you a call i don't like the tone of

his tweet after the tone baby food try them again please okay thank you you don't mind doing those

dwight all has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system three that was different

all together all right fuck that can only take so much of that sound effect jesus christ

for car and i have cornflakes i am bisexual i'm fabulous it would be great kill it i don't even

know voicemails i ain't got no love for voicemails who we got next lou is that where we're on yeah

He's another Hertz complainer.

He's extremely mad.

Connect them.

Son of a bitch.

I'm extremely mad that I have a reservation.

You don't have any cars.

Wah, wah, wah.

Walk five meters to the next one, to the budget renter car or whoever else,

and get one from them.

Jesus Christ.

This is what person working at a walk-in.

All right, kill it, kill it, kill it, kill it.

Is that the hang-up sound?

That is, all right.

And this is a redialing sound?

What sound's what?

Hang on, I'm trying to...

all right so you get exclamation point okay i think i understand okay all right um

yeah but seriously man like the last time i rented a car four years ago it was from an airport

i returned that motherfucker at like i think like nine o'clock at night the flight was i don't know

10 30 11 o'clock or something like that i don't know and there was no one there and like i'm like

Like, what the fuck do I do with the car?

And I called.

And she's like, no, just park the car and leave it there.

I'm like, okay.

Like, seriously, I don't have to sign anything?

She's like, no, just leave it there.

I was really concerned about that.

I don't know.

I don't know if I should.

Don't you fuck with keys.

Yeah.

I forgot.

I don't even know what the system was for the keys.

I don't know.

It was really locked down, maybe.

I don't know.

You just leave the keys in the car.

I don't know.

Anyway, look.

Try to call Lou back about the Hertz rent-a-car.

Frickin' problems.

Ooh.

All right, kill it.

I don't feel it.

Tom DiCaprio is very disappointed in the customer service or lack thereof

in Young Tampa, Florida store.

It was almost comical.

What?

Yoga store?

It's a type of yoga store.

Oh.

Who, who?

Yeah, put him on.

What's his deal?

Let me look at his Facebook.

Yeah.

I should call him from the yoga call center.

Yes, I'm calling from yoga command.

At the tone, please record your message.

When you've finished recording.

All right, bounce him.

Let's try him again.

Who else is out there watching the show?

Where's Big Neal?

At the tone, please record your message.

When you finish recording, you may hang up or press 1 for more options.

No, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, just pursue I'm never going to leave a voicemail unless I say,

Hey, hang on, I'll leave a voicemail.

No, I'll just chill about that.

All right, Jackie's a cat lover needed for spade.

Oh, she's looking for a cat lover for her spade-shy calico cat.

All right, make it so.

This is Craigslist.

Ew, what an ugly cat.

Please leave a message.

Try again.

Yeah, hi.

You got a cat over there?

This is for somebody who loves cats.

Beautiful calico.

Hi, Faith.

I guess you got to see her picture.

Yeah, I did.

She's a beautiful cat.

She looks like a fucking pumpkin, motherfucker.

She looks good.

It's rare for calicos to have orange in them, female calicos.

That's why I was so surprised.

She's blessed.

Yeah.

Anyway, she was really blessed because she got hit by a car.

oh no no no no i'm sorry all right never mind oh i'm so sorry i didn't know

oh well she's better now she's perfectly healthy oh great okay good okay and she's

are you looking for an indoor cat or an outdoor cat uh either way you know if it wants to go

go outdoors, you know, whatever.

Every once in a while, you know, maybe she needs to get fucked, you know.

But I saw you had her spayed, so she's probably not going to want to do that.

Right.

Okay, well, I'm actually on the road right now.

On the road right now.

You know that song on that road right now?

You know that song on the road right now?

You know?

You know that song on the road right now?

Sir?

Yeah, the song on the road right now.

I'm on the road right now.

Yeah and the video

The woman has big tits

I will give you a call tomorrow

The woman rips her blouse off

You know she shows her tits and everything

She's like on the road right now

And she like busts open her blouse

And her tits are out

I just made up a

1980's music video

Whatever

Yeah sure call her back

Fuck is wrong

I got a fucking gem coming up for you

Aww

Aw.

Damn it.

Hi, this is Jackie.

Forget it, Jackie.

Fuck this.

Big Bruce has cider blocks.

Oh, yeah.

You know how they make cider blocks?

No.

I think you mean cinder blocks.

Yeah, that's what it is.

I don't know what the fuck is a cider block.

Put him on.

He's a stupid asshole.

I don't know what the fuck he's talking about.

Stupid.

I don't know what a cider block is.

Hello, this is Big Bruce.

Please leave a message.

At the tone, please record your message.

Damn it.

yeah big baby bruce how you doing buddy it's eddie how are you eddie yeah how you doing how

you been shit bird yeah you old shit bird hey you got some blocks over there yeah yeah what

can you tell me about them why'd you make them out of mud and shit yeah well you put cider blocks

here. C-I-D-E-R

blocks. That don't make any fucking

sense, you idiot. You stupid

fucker. Yeah. Yeah.

What's that shit about? Cider blocks.

Hey, they're gone, so.

Hey, they're gone. It doesn't matter. Can you make

some more? How much shit do you put in that?

How much feces? You can put some

you make some feces in the batter.

You know, with the mud and the cinders.

How do you make cinder blocks?

Cinders aren't those, like, flecks of

burning shit?

You grind up the gates. That's all they're made of.

I don't know how you make cinder blocks.

Oh, my God, man.

Cinder blocks, everybody.

Cinder blocks.

Neon Sierra, what's up, bro?

Hey.

Who's next?

Dwight, what have we got?

Introduce them.

They have no name, but they're willing to offer you a free vacation in exchange for you being a driver.

You're low as fuck, Dwight.

Come on, man.

I don't know what the fuck to tell you.

None of my shit has changed.

Shit.

Is he low to you, Neon?

Yeah, he is.

You see?

I don't have to fuck to tell you all and I'm yelling

I'm fucking yelling

Put it in your ass, put it right up to the microphone

Put it up to your mouth

Wait, get it out of your ass

Why don't you go fuck yourselves

I can hear you, okay

Fuck shit

Keep doing that, alright, breathe a lot

Thank you

I'm gonna turn up loud enough so you can hear the fucking fish tank again

You were like, who's by a fucking river

I'm like, oh yeah, it's the fish tank

Sorry

It sounds really soothing though, man

Man, I would dig that.

But doesn't it funk up the smell in your room?

Like, you're in a room, bro.

Oh, dude, no.

It's out in the living room.

It's like 30 feet away.

I thought you did your show in a bedroom or something.

Yeah, I do it in my room.

Oh, yeah?

But I have my door open.

The fish tank's out in the living room.

Oh, do you have a couch in there?

In my room?

Yeah.

Oh, I got a bed.

You should get a nice couch.

I got a bed and I got a fucking TV.

I got the essentials.

You can get a nice lazy boy, though, in front of your TV in the corner, man.

You know?

yeah dude it's nice

to have that there you set yourself up

you know you got your wireless controllers

and stuff you sit there

with your ipad man you can have a dope

ass room bro I sit here with my shirt

off do you have surround sound in your room

no I don't it's in the living room

you gotta get your surround sound in the room

bro that's gonna be your hole

you need a hole you need a mag

cave we're gonna get we're gonna have a

gofundme for your

mag cave no

I'm scared of Neon though

the fucking people that were gonna

swap and have sex with me and my wife

Neon sitting there threatening to cut bitches open

and shit inside of them

I know what the fuck was that

that was crazy

people give me the lines I say them

that was Brad

I was like what the fuck

I've never heard Neon go that crazy before

that was twisted

that was good

there's me and my blood play by gunplay

play on friday night with a woman please let it be time it sounds like my worst nightmare let it

be time please i don't want to hear carlito anymore i don't want to hear this shit all right

but yes uh no name but if you'll be a driver uh i don't know i gotta pull her ad up because the uh

it says mom and daughter need a driver take them from airport to hana hana light bay resort and

And Princeville Food Lane on Friday, the 20th.

Basically, they're offering you a vacation to come stay with them and shit

if you just drive them around for a while they're there.

Great.

That sounds fun.

In exchange for...

Oh, fuck.

Just so you got to be a female.

I didn't catch that earlier.

You got to be the female driver.

You got to be a female driver.

What are they trying to die?

What is it?

A suicide mission?

I don't know, man.

Do they give you an outfit to wear?

We can find out.

You got to wear this.

Like a sexy taxi driver outfit.

All right, let's go. Let's do it.

Let's do it.

God damn it. I didn't have a phone number already? Fuck.

I've been doing that ahead of time, and I fucked it up.

Damn you. Stupid.

Victory.

Yeah, how you doing? You're offering a free vacation.

Are you there?

Yes, yes, I'm here.

Good, good. Hi.

Hi.

Hi, my name is Rex. I saw you were offering a free vacation if I drive you around.

So I can provide transportation for you, and I can stay at your place?

Is that basically how it works?

Okay, yeah.

What island are you on?

Well, I'm going to be in Kauai.

I wanted to go to Kauai for a week.

I'd like to take a nice vacation over there.

My dad, I have a, yeah, I have a, see, my daughter, she can't go.

I already have a trip paid for.

I have a ticket, but we're on our way.

Yeah.

We have a luxury condo there.

Yeah.

Well, look at the luxury condo pictures.

it's all paid for and it's a two bedroom and so i was offering if somebody wanted to you know

it's a resort it's a resort at holly bay yeah i want to do that go to the resort yeah

definitely and i'll buy a swimming to do there you know and i'll buy shut up is there a lot of

swimming oh are you hearing me do you hear me stupid i thought she was recording the whole

whole time she just want to talk over you i'll fucking tell you sir i don't want to talk to her

again she's annoying as fuck well that was the last that i had copied so let me go back to your

our conversation and get more i got them all i brought them on here all right we'll talk about

who we got next while i do that uh next is i pronounce his name yeefy and that's how it's

spelled but um last night he called about the macbook pro we had for sale and or yeah he emailed

first and he gave me his number so i call him i mean within 30 seconds of his email and i said

yeah you call you uh email about my macbook pro and fucking indian sister i'm not calling you and

he fucking just starts yelling at me what the fuck oh yeah just giving me attitude yeah he like

had like a panic attack or something i heard that he was like why who why who you calling was that

he was saying yeah he's like i don't call you such a motherfucker it's freaking out that guy man

Man, shit.

Yeah, man, yeah.

Give me a second.

Sorry, I take care of something.

All right, so, let's do it.

Let's set the color ID for his area.

Easy.

Coming down the pipe.

Yeah, dude.

Hello, who is it?

Hello, yes, I'm looking for Yeefy.

Who is it?

I'm looking for Yeefy.

Yeefy?

What do you look like?

Hi, my name is Andre 3000.

What is your question?

I'm selling a MacBook.

What is it?

I'm selling a MacBook Pro.

I wanted to see if you want the MacBook Pro.

Yes.

I don't call to you.

Hey, I want to kiss you.

You know kissing?

Kissing on the lips?

You know what is to kissing?

You can speak only English and you can speak another language.

What language you speak?

What is your language?

What language is you?

What is your language?

Where?

My language is Russian.

Russian language.

Okay.

what is about you ukrainian you live in valley i am from i'm from kiev ukraine kiev kiev i'm from

kiev kiev russians say kiev we ukrainians say kiev understand what do you say my name yuri

my name yuri andropov yuri andropov andropov yes what is your question why are you calling

you stupid russian i am ukrainian and i hate you you go to go to fuck go to shit fuck to you

fuck to you ukrainia why why you have mine for none we have a list of russians but understand

maybe you can uh talk slowly i i cannot uh understand what do you say you know what is

your question do you know pisuni why you call me pisuni do you know pisuni but understand what do

you say what is your question you can speak a slowly i have i have macbook pro what is your

question uh are you durak what do you what do you do what do you need you're from you're from

armenia no ukraine how long how long do you live here uh this eight eight eight why why are you

no more my phone number who is person why you call to me embassy the embassy

see could have a nice day today maybe another time no maybe when we go draw draw cheat draw

cheat draw cheat you know you want to go draw cheat draw cheat or what draw cheat you know draw

cheat i cannot understand what do you say because my language is russian draw cheat

Your pronouns, maybe next time you...

Maybe you need to call to me next time.

Maybe you have a translator, Russian.

Ask translator, Russian.

Because I better understand what you say.

I cannot I cannot understand your question. Do you know what is who?

Hey, you know my who we might be my who we who we you know, who we what is your my who?

We you know my who we I don't know I bet

You because I cannot

Fucking asshole why you

You call me first time?

Third time.

Third time?

First time.

First time I call.

This is first time I call.

Why you have my phone number?

Because you're Russian.

You're Russian.

Maybe you can speak Russian.

I can answer you.

I have a list.

I have a list of Russian swear words.

I say them to you.

You say you don't understand me.

I do the same thing to the Indians.

They say the same thing.

I do the same thing to the Chinese.

They say the same thing every time.

I don't understand.

I got these lists of what people say are curse words in foreign languages,

and they never fucking work.

Damn it.

I don't know.

I don't know you.

I cannot understand why you call me.

Please, have a nice day.

Hey, what about trajatsia?

Trajatsia?

see i don't know see he got real fucking elevated with me within like 30 seconds

i had a question if that was fucking uh russian lenny over there here's the thing can we find

excuse me i can use patreon money right now and if there's some kind of online telephone

telephone conferencing translating service out there that's not that expensive i would venture

to conference them on the line right now and try to see if i could get that guy to talk to us

normal for a minute you know i wonder how much it would cost i don't know i don't know should

investigate you should investigate i would like to know if there i bet you there's a service that

they might do it maybe for like 99 cents a minute or maybe 50 cents a minute i don't know if i could

can find a cheap service that we can call and say oh yeah here's the paypal or whatever and

they're like yeah sure no problem we'll translate over the phone for you that'd be fucking cool

yeah i'd love to do pranks like that like just call russia like just straight up ukraine and

ask a dumb shit and just have it translated back and forth you know it could get expensive it could

get expensive i don't know i got one uh 85 cents a minute 85 cents a minute uh one of your if you

you use it skype they'll do it for 70 cents a minute okay damn uh order form fuck i think that's

i'll click on the order form i don't know if they'll do no they do it real time or what what

the fuck yeah if you gotta schedule bullshit it's gotta be on demand it can't be by schedule

of not there should be a company that does that bro i'll open a company like that just get a bunch

of translators or work as a broker you know what i mean and just tell you know just tell them hey

hey, you're going to be online on Skype from, you know, midnight to 8 in the morning

and just take the calls and you get paid whatever percentage the company gets the rest.

That's a good racket right there.

Oh, $1.45 a minute.

Get the fuck out of here.

I knew it was kind of expensive to do that shit.

That type of price is I'm opening up my own business, goddammit.

Yep.

All right.

Well, here we are.

What do we got next?

I don't have those numbers in front of me yet.

I didn't get the numbers.

Here's one. It's 85 cents a minute.

It says make a three-way call.

You connect to the second party and translator

and they'll translate over the phone.

Oh, fuck, but they call for a 20-minute minimum, though.

Damn.

That's like 20 bucks right there.

Yeah, that's not going to work.

Other numbers we have.

Let me scroll up.

I don't know where we left off.

Mr. Clay said he sent you something.

He's getting pissed that we haven't called it yet

because he sent it hours before the show.

Did Clay send it on...

If he sent it on IRC, I can't show it

because it'll go out over the air.

That's the thing.

I don't...

Uh, I can.

Hang on, I can do that.

Give me a second.

He's getting pissed, huh?

Yeah?

Yeah, well, apparently it's some type of...

Let's see.

Sent me something last night.

Something about some Twitter wrestler

he wants me to call and talk shit to.

All right, I just copied it over.

Let me take a look.

I think he sent it to me last night,

but I was kind of busy with incoming calls.

Okay, well, I got it in front of me now,

so mike jericho he's a wrestler he's related to chris jericho i don't know so what do we have a

phone number for him or what's going on uh i think he had a phone number i don't know you got a phone

number clay and we talked to trayvon earlier motherfucker he's still trying to figure out

how the hell we got his fucking number who the fuck is this all right all right so did you get

more numbers or are we still waiting i got yeah i still got some there i think three or four more

neon just sent one oh here's a telephone number no i guess i got him all right here we go skype

got too big i always send a caller id for his area sure what the story is behind this fucker

take this one sir yep where's mike at it's mike talk to mike because he's working right now yeah

where's his you got a cell phone for him oh no he what huh what's his cell phone number no he

He don't have it now because it's a home that sell.

Are you still living on Oriel Cress?

Who is that?

Listen, are you Mike's mother or something?

Yeah, something.

Yeah.

Where does he work?

I don't know.

I heard he's down there at Dwight's Glory Hole Emporium sucking some dick for money.

Is that right?

Is this a Satala?

Is Mike's last name Satala?

A minute.

Yeah, I'm looking for Mike.

He's not home.

okay when's he gonna be home because this kid's sending me uh pictures to my phone he what he's

sending pictures of his penis to my phone i don't think so yeah you just let him him know matt hardy

called hey i'll tell him you got a cell phone for him okay what's his cell phone no i don't know i

don't know his cell listen you fucking gas sniffer i need to speak to him you make it happen hello

Why are you breathing so hard

Sorry Dashie I don't know what's local to you

Sorry about that

Alright that was kind of fun though

I don't know Clay enjoyed it

This guy's gonna get a fucking

Fucking Matt Hardy call

You're gonna be some shit

Weird alright

I posted some numbers I guess that we got

Did Neon you said you had one

Oh shit I forgot

She's got Trayvon

Or Trayvon

Sorry Dashie my apologies

Yeah, whoops. Gotta be careful with that stuff. You gotta be careful with me too. Yourself.

Becomes a problem. At some point, who can't you call? Or who can you call? You know what I mean?

Hang on, let me try to- Can you add Baz in here? I'm having trouble with getting this-

Add who?

Baz, cause I'm retarded apparently.

I already did.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you, Neon.

Yeah.

We're ready for Trayvon whenever the captain's ready.

I'm ready? Yeah, sorry.

You guys take it, cause he already talked to me.

he would be racist as shit

hello

hey what's up

listen you got a phone

you're looking to fence buddy

I'll give you some cash for phones

if you got anything

I buy things

you want to fence

a cellular telephone

yeah

we can meet by the Walmart

and we'll fence your cellular telephone

I'll give you cash

that I photocopied

on xerox x rocks for some reason mark bills and i'll give you those and uh you give me the phone

and how much do you want for it oh i'm um i'm at home

hey buddy stop playing with me cordy i'm corbin i'm retarded i'm corbin i'm retarded

stop playing with me motherfucker

I'm Corbin

who the fuck is Corbin

quickly let's go to his facebook

and look for Corbin

who was he calling the other person Jeremiah earlier

yeah was it

I don't know

he called someone during the answer

he was like Jeremiah you gay as shit

may I speak with him

yeah call him back

Sure.

I mean, I'll do the same number.

You stole my phone, motherfucker.

Quit playing, Cole.

Oh, yeah, Richard King.

He's got my phone on my number.

Call.

I don't fuck with what's on here.

Da-da-da-da-da-da.

The fuck was that?

Da-da-da-da-da-da.

Like I said, you're so high as fuck, right?

Neon.

Neon level edible fucking.

What?

Eating that chocolate cake with the weed.

No.

What do you like?

I love your cookies.

Listen to him.

That's Neon last night.

What?

You were really tanked last night, Neon.

Come on.

No, I wasn't.

Yeah, you were.

No, I wasn't.

Hey, Carlito, you going to get you some fucking punch keys on Monday or Tuesday?

Punch keys?

The punch keys?

Punch keys.

Oh.

The donut things with the fucking fillings?

What do they call them out here?

No, we get something different out here.

I have yet to have one.

What the fuck are they called?

Fasnacht's here

I don't know

Cause there's some stupid Dutch shit

Out here

A bunch of Dutch

Fucking Dutch

I ordered a couple

I'll get some strawberries

Strawberry and apple are my favorite

It's just fried dough over here

It's just like fried dough

Oh no

This has like

Fucking

Apple

Like sliced apples

And filling and shit

Stuffed inside of them

Like strawberry and stuff

Well that sounds much better

The place nearby is

They're like

Oh we're gonna do some new flavors this month

They're doing fucking

S'more

S'more, s'more flavored.

Oh.

And then there's one they're doing, what the hell is it?

Bacon and, maple and bacon or something like that.

Sounds almost like breakfast-y.

Maple and bacon, like a McGriddle.

I like it.

Like a bacon McGriddle.

Sounds good.

Can I play something for you real quick, Carlito?

Yeah, sure.

Are you going to play it yourself through the audio?

Yeah, I'll play it.

Yeah, I'll play it myself.

All right, go ahead.

Go for it.

So you're a cop, huh?

That means you can do whatever the hell you want?

You can still get out of this.

Oh, now you're telling me what to do.

Don't throw your life away.

Boy, I ain't afraid of prison, but you should be.

You ever suck a dick like a cell bitch caught me?

Don't do this.

It's your turn to gag on something, huh?

No.

Open up, sweetheart.

Oh, boy.

Time for you...

Time for you to choke on something.

He's like, no! Open up, sweetheart.

No.

His face is all butt, like his teeth are all

rotten and shit, man.

I saw him

after that show. He was on prison break

for a few episodes.

And I'm like, wait a minute, I know this guy.

And I'm like, where do I know him from? And I'm like, wait a minute, we take a

a tooth away. Oh, that's that fucker from Prison Break

or from The Shield.

Mouth repassivated.

It's funny because I just had

like five more episodes recorded today

and it's just every time it's like, they changed

it, but now it's like, let me see that

mouth. He's just getting

mouth fucked in every preview from now

on. Oh, shit. The guy

makes his brother or whatever, his cousin take

a picture and all that shit.

He's like, take a picture. He's like,

I got it.

He's like disgusted with it.

He's lucky. He got off lucky because he was about to

shoot him until Vic came and

saved his ass. And it was Vic's fault he was in there

in the first place. Vic actually

put him in there.

I still laugh

when old Trade Rack was like

the one-niners

and the spooks three.

I'm like, is this fucker watching

The Shield? Who's asking if one-niners

and the biz lads are for real?

The biz lads, yeah.

It's made up for TV.

Alright, let's go.

What's next?

It looks like we're down to Monica

who missed her smorgasbord numbers.

Okay.

Maybe I skipped mine.

We skipped some to go to Trayvon.

Oh, jeez. Let's see.

It's way up here. Been on top of things.

Plus two.

Alright.

We got Kimberly.

Apparently she found a dog, but her dogs

will not

welcome another dog in their home.

So apparently her

Her dogs are running their fucking shots.

Damn, they gotta get control of their house.

Neon, you wanna take it?

Uh, sure.

No, that's okay.

Go ahead.

Do it, Neon.

Do it.

Oh, that's okay.

We could always call Stanton back and you could be a ghost.

You believe that?

I couldn't believe it.

I've been dead six months.

Okay, that's just one dude I couldn't fucking...

It's almost like Rita.

I couldn't just annihilate him, even though I could've.

We're friends now, I guess.

Here's Kimberly, so we've got the dog.

Oh, no, my iPad's 10% battery and I don't have my charger.

charger i only have one lightning charger well there's two in the house but the other one's my

wife's iphone she'd probably be all like yeah you took my cell phone charger and you put it in the

wrong spot after yeah i'm really busy what do you need yeah but during the show i keep the chat on

my ipad i love it anyway please leave a message and i'll return it did you end up showing your

wife uh dwight howard grabbing all that dick i told her about it she's like what the fuck like

We watched it, and then she's like, he's in a really gay shirt, too.

I'm like, yeah, you're right, so I'll pick.

But if you watch it in slow motion, you see he's actually hitting.

He's hitting him because he jumps, and he hits him, and he kind of lets go.

When you watch it in slow motion, someone hits him in the head first.

I don't know if he's a rookie and they're hazing him or something.

That might be it.

Yeah, they said he's a rookie.

He only started like nine games this year.

Yeah, so they're hazing him.

That's all it is.

He fucking hazels.

i don't want to be on a team where the hazy does they grab up like a handful of my dick and or

balls well the thing is i think all the nba teams do where you have if you're a rookie no matter

what you have to your bag when you go on the road is like picked out and it's usually like a disney

princess bag and shit like that you have to have the whole your whole rookie season that's apparently

like a big thing in the nba yeah now that i can handle but like just sitting there and watching

in the game, like, oh yeah, our team's doing

pretty well. What is that

paint? Dwight, do you have a handful

of my dick? You need to cut that out, buddy.

I don't know. We used to hit each other

in the dicks every once in a while. You don't grab

it, but you punch

your buddy in the dick. You do the cup

checks. Yeah, yeah, that's cool.

Alright, anyway, what's going on? What are we doing

here? You have William.

Oh, Billy. He just

has a new phone. Billy with a new

phone! Awesome. Alright.

Does anyone else want it? Anyone else

could take it. Neon? No?

You don't want to do a call? Alright.

Be nice to me. Damn it, man.

Damn it to hell.

Alright, so. Is that the last

of these? Are we going on the Mistress

Momo's shit? Uh, we got one more.

Apparently, uh, Clutch.

Clutch. He says he's got some

Kush on deck. Get at me.

His name is Clutch? That's awesome.

His name is Clutch and he's got some Kush.

Milkman played in a band called Clutch.

Really good, too. He played the

ukulele.

Milkman would break it out

with prank calls tonight, man. I'm so happy.

He broke out his shell.

I fucking cracked up when he was

getting out that dude's case earlier.

You got the fucking...

I'm going to keep saying he was

incorporating banjoed into it.

Yeah, the banjoed.

Is he asking for a banjoed?

I'm glad I'm getting left off the hook.

Look, I told people after we hit a certain number on the donation thing last week

that I would drink beer from my shoe and tape it,

and Dust Bernadette said nobody fucking asked for that,

so I guess Dust Bernadette's letting me off the hook.

Really?

I don't know. Dust Bernadette said, you fucking liar, nobody asked for that.

Okay.

I don't know.

I did call Rita and Gary, and Rita was excited as shit.

Yeah, the Rita, she got really excited.

Well, her panties got instantly moist as soon as I called.

valentine's day so you told you asked her on a date for valentine's day and you told her you

were dave the guy that calls her on her uh mike it was the guy from a couple shows ago yeah uh

we sent her the pizzas and then we sent him one too you see the rita hello guy rita hello

yeah rita hello hello rita that's awesome she because as soon as it rang and she picked up she

She goes, Mike, what do I owe the pleasure?

I was like, oh, fuck.

So I had to let her down slowly because she's unstable.

She's one that would have killed herself right there on the phone.

No, I feel bad for her.

I totally believe she's that unstable because she just starts crying at the drop of a hat.

Yeah.

No, yeah, you know what?

I'm not calling her anymore.

Oh, yeah, you don't want to mess with her too much.

Poor old lady.

Crazy old lady.

I'm not calling her show.

I'm not calling her text.

She was talking about how she's not allowed to do her taxi shit right now either.

Why not?

So the licensing place is giving her shit about using a residential address for business reasons, for using her taxi, and all this shit.

Shit.

Can we do some calls?

Yeah, let's do some calls.

You're right, you're right.

What the?

Was that her voicemail, or did she?

I don't know.

No, it's not a police department unless somebody was just being an asshole and put an ad out there.

Let me check the number on Google.

Some asshole said, I got some kush.

Give me a call and put the fucking police department number in the shit.

That's funny.

That's a nice little trick.

Clutch Williams.

Officer Clutch Williams did that.

That's awesome.

Detective Clutch.

Call me Clutch.

I almost want to see the responses to people like, you motherfucker.

fucker yeah anyway hey okay going down the mistress's numbers selling a monica cd okay

if you're a message for bye all right i'm gonna do the next one or is this still monica monica cd

yep three dial second go two three nine uh your next person is selling rollerblades

ah rollerblades yeah read off a second call read off a second call yes sir you got them rollerblades

yeah we gotta go we gotta go man we gotta go hey we gotta get out of charlotte we gotta get out of

charlotte we gotta get as far away from charlotte as we can man come on get out homie we need to

get the fuck out of town homie come on what the fuck is that you're that bitch in the background

hang up the phone you want him back or another number yeah call him call him this time again

it fuck it i'd like to posit a tech question to the chat room if you're trying to save as much

power as possible and i'm using an ipad air 2 what's more power efficient to be using wi-fi

or to be using my 4g lte data from t-mobile um what's gonna provide me the best power efficiency

and see to make this iPad last as long as

what do you think I think

I was thinking the LTE hang on

Dwight I was thinking the LTE would provide

the best quality or

you know but best power

consumption

but then again I was thinking if the signal isn't as

strong maybe Wi-Fi I don't

know if Wi-Fi still trumps all

the amount of data that it takes

Enigma says take Wi-Fi off

Thus Bernadette says 4G use

4G or it's going to use more

not Wi-Fi says

Clay and Mike and Donnie

Alright, alright, let me

I'm talking about the Weefy

The Weefy and the Izzy's

Well, I'll have to disconnect and reconnect

Next time, I don't know

I was just curious, I'm sure I'll make it

It's only used 1% since I got the warning

I've already turned off Bluetooth

And, oh, I forgot

Let me turn off location services

That's a big one, I forgot about that one

This is the only iOS device that I

Well, I have two iPads now

Now, the one in front of me, if you're watching on video,

hang on, I can show it on the big video screen.

Because I did get a question last week.

I forget from what listener.

I was asking what my studio setup is.

So I could try to find it here.

You got to make a long-ass YouTube video like me.

Yeah, maybe I should.

I've got iPad 1.

It's frozen now.

iPad 1 is here.

Whoa.

Holy shit, Brad, you woke me up.

Yay.

this is what i use to watch our our skype chat i don't even touch it i just watch it and then i uh

watch the chat room on the ipad i can just move it around wherever i want i love doing that

yeah anyway that's that's what my setup is i use two ipads a laptop that that runs skype

the skype conference and the voxox if it's working that i'm using a dial out and that's all that does

and that pipes into my mixer

and that pipes into the main computer

that sends out the streams.

It all mixes on one and goes out as

one big source out the stream at the end.

It's kind of cool.

We should have all the hosts

take pictures of their setups and stuff

and post them in the PC and Facebook.

Yeah.

Get right to where you set up the next time

you go do a show and then take a

screenshot of everything

like a panorama. If you have multiple, you can

just take one of all your whole desktop.

and then just go back and just you know black out

you know account names and everything like that

anything you don't want to show

and uh yeah it'd be kind of cool to see how

we all do it yeah

easy I'll just take a fucking picture of my computer

yeah you can do that too

yeah

I'll clean my

room here tomorrow really nice

and I'll do that no we want to see it dirty

there might be some good lighting it's not dirty

it's good anyway oh fuck yeah it's nice

it's clean fuck yeah Sloth can tell you

it used to be really dirty in here

There's a pair of dirty underwear hanging from his fucking mic boom and shit.

No, no, I don't do that.

I don't have that.

Why are you guys saying that?

No, okay.

Let me see.

What do I have in the background?

Nothing.

I got my bottles down here.

Yeah, I got some.

I got a neti pot.

Dude, neti pots.

Have any of you used them before?

They're fucking amazing.

I love them.

I'm going to use one every day from now on.

It's in my routine now, dude.

Neti pot, straight up.

What is it?

it's basically a ceramic pot with a the the spout at the end of it is uh kind of contoured in a way

that you can put it in a nostril and it's like it it'll be airtight so to say and you just fill it

with water um room temperature water not cold or not hot just like normal room temperature and you

can put in some salt um non-iodized salt they recommend they don't they recommend not sea salt

because it's way it gets real too gritty and strong and probably just hurt you anyway it just

and what you do is you put it in one nostril and you tilt up the water goes up one nostril and

comes out the other it just goes right through your sinus just kind of flushes it gross i i see

i've seen someone do that on facebook they took a picture of themselves yeah using one of those

yeah but um i have a sinus infection i'm hopefully i'm getting over it right now but i've used this

for the last three days and after i do it i don't have the sniffles for at least a few hours like i

get at least like six seven hours where i don't have to worry about that but i don't have to use

pseudofed that fucks with my body and i don't have to use fucking afrid or anything in my nose and

shit that is just going to replace the histamine and it's going to screw me up in the long run

possibly you know what i'm saying it's clear now i didn't make the mistake i did snort cayenne pepper

twice and it's a in my own investigation i should write an article about this in my own

investigation to see the rumors about people saying snort cayenne pepper if you have sinus

problems it clears you out i did it twice and let me tell you something it actually burned the area

underneath my nostrils on my upper lip were actually like chemically burned from doing this

just twice and i think i'm still like able to get like flecks of cayenne pepper out after just doing

this just twice in each nostril so i highly recommend against not doing that and whoever

Whoever said that wasn't a good idea is stupid.

I got to write an article.

I think a lot of people could benefit from that.

The truth about doing that.

Now, I don't know about its effects on migraines.

I hear it might help out with a migraine.

Maybe.

I don't know.

I know it felt good the first time I did it.

The second time, I felt like I did something really bad.

So, probably not the best thing to do.

There you go.

That's my review on snorting cayenne pepper.

Thumbs down.

And two thumbs up on the use of a neti pot, which is just nice, clear water.

water i do it with salt in each nostril once and then i do it with just water in each nostril once

and you know you do blow stuff out for like a while if you have like a cold or something

you will blow stuff for for a while but it gets all that gunk out and then you're clear you know

for a while it's way better than using chemicals again thank you yay you can go to nannypots.com

and use the code word

PCN.

Yeah.

They sound like my meetings at work.

Really?

They're always like, man, you're in meetings.

This is the type of stuff I have to hear.

Oh, I hate meetings.

I've worked in places where I'm like, let's have another meeting

about the meeting, about where we're going

for lunch to talk about the meeting.

It's like, fuck!

Long email threads that are about,

okay, the meeting today. What are we going to do for the meeting?

Who's coming to the meeting?

okay why not just do the meeting now in the email dude it's just so fucking retarded well our place

doesn't do so much like the importance of an email because they want to do a you know meeting

because they want to make sure everybody hears it all at the same time and knows the info because

they know if they send an email people be like fuck that i'll read it later fuck it and then

you got these people that are just up there fucking talking 15 20 minutes straight i'm all

motherfuck it yeah man google has an email policy in their company or one of those big companies is

a policy that if it's something something you have to hand deliver it now what maybe microsoft

or one of those guys were saying for to develop interpersonal working i don't know whatever i

don't want to get into this and tech news sporty sporty board says get a free three-month

subscription to gort today when you order a neti pot gort man taking over the prank call world

Gort is an online

prank call social

club where you can log in

share files almost instantly

it's amazing

you can talk to each other

you can make prank calls change your

caller ID download

RAM a whole bunch of stuff

and that's like Gort

G-O-R-T Gort

alright will we continue

what's next we gotta do calls man come on

we're fucking around

Next is Cindy and Tim.

They have a chicken coop on wheels.

Okay, chicken coop on wheels.

Are they renting it out?

What's going on?

Selling it?

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message.

Try again, please.

Hello?

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message.

Would you like to try them again, or do you want to move on to the next one?

That was the second call.

Move on to the next one.

That's how I do.

My system is two next, two next, two next.

Two next.

All right.

Your next one is

Somebody selling a gargoyle

Alright, gargoyle

Thanks for calling, this is Matt

This is a real upbeat song

Upbeat song

Methamphetamine

Fucking

Nitrous, yeah

This is not my music

You need a nitrous night, Neon

What for?

I got enough comedy from you

Have fun with some nitrous, yeah

Nitrous tire, fill up a tire with nitrous

Hi, thanks for calling, this is Matt

If you could please leave it

Remember that Dwight, the prank calls I did

I worked at uh

It was Walmart

Tire loop customers Brad got

And I said

The fuck was it

At some point I said

That I was real corrupt

Something like that, it was like a tire loop place

And I said that I

I would fill up a

I siphoned people's gas out and sold it

cheaper out of the truck of a car just driving around with a bunch of gallons of ticks in the

back of a truck like that's not dangerous at all and then uh those oil those walmart ones

are fucking hilarious yeah and then i said that i uh the nitrogen that they use to um put in tires

as an optional thing you know instead of air they'll fill your tires with that for a fee

i was saying that i was just going around with a tank of it and parties and letting people take

hits of it and then sloth was like dude you that was like sloth told me dude you straight up get

fucking killed by fucking raver fucking gangs i'm like what he's like yeah man there's raver

gangs that like fucking will kill you and shit if they catch you trying to sell nitrous and they

they have control of that club or that event already i was like whoa that's just deep man

i didn't know it's like yeah man what kind of fucking parties is he going to i'm saying man

man. He goes wacky, man.

Sloth is a cool dude, man. He's in the

underground.

I've loved people doing those Walmart

loop calls.

I had that one guy real concerned when I told him

I worked in the food court

and they brought me to change the oil and I was

trying to loosen the oil filter with my

mop and I broke the fucking mop off in his

engine. I remember that one. That was

awesome. He was leaving the

country like the next fucking day or something

and he was all concerned because I

wanted my fucking mop back.

It's like, I need to handle.

We should go back to those now that Radio Shack's

sending us cryptic messages.

Through the use of their password system.

Yeah.

If Horse is next, then they're into me, too.

Or at least they're really into the subculture here.

I'm going to call tomorrow

and find out what the new one is, just because I'm curious.

Like, what are they going to do next?

Like, it's going to end up being

like Cunt Flap 5 or something.

Yeah. Oh, shit.

Cunt Flap 5.

That'd be awesome.

awesome then we know there's someone on in the inside you know what i mean who's like fuck yeah

or maybe it'll just be like stop it brad yeah but do you think it sounds to me like it's a

list that's already pre-generated because they look it up unless they just get sent sent out

to them via their corporate email yeah it could just be an email but i would think the best way

to do it would just be a list you know instead of hiring someone to come up with 52 random words

per year yeah and why why is is anybody using the caller id system that they supposedly have

the 700 dash whatever so it looks like it's coming from corporate i don't know but like

someone in the chat room had a great idea i'll just make my caller id say like 1 700 something

and yeah they'll think it's internal dialer was telling me that i think if you set it to

1 700 dash whatever it looks like it's internal and it'll look a little more legit yeah all right

cool cool yeah man radio shack keeping it real with the fucking i don't know what it's called

it's lmpn network i think that's what it's called private private mpn i don't know i used to have

to support him at a job i used to have all i know is target had a very similar thing and i think it

used 700 numbers too like i don't know what the significance of 700 is i think it's reserved for

purposes like that like just like 192.168.x.x is reserved for yeah i think that's what i think

that's what i i used to set up illegal conferences you know just like chat with other people and

they'd be one 700 numbers that's back when they cost a ton of money like 25 cents per person per

per minute some crazy amount we ran up some really high bills with those those things

i'm just looking interchange carriers can you could use 700 numbers to implement new services

quickly i don't know it looks like it's reserved it's not really 700 weather apparently is

available for real dwight try that 700-932-8437 it's gonna charge dashy like 500 or something

700 what?

Weather.

9-3-2-8-4-3-7.

Oh, it says it's a bonded service.

You probably won't get it then.

Yeah, it's like a private service deal.

I think that'd be like trying to dial a 900 number.

It just isn't going to happen.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is for...

You're right, I'm sorry.

I haven't tried to dial a 700 number since the 90s, I think.

I didn't even know they still existed.

One number provided by all carriers in area code 700 is 700-555-4141.

Oh, I know that one.

Which plays a recording identifying the carrier handling long distance and international calls.

All right, we're calling the 1-700.

Well, this will not work with most cellular and VoIP systems where the long distance carrier is part of the primary service.

Okay, it might not work because apparently, there we go, never mind.

It actually says error, unallocated number.

See, these are good ideas for stuff to set your caller ID to.

So if someone even tries to call it back, it's just nonsense.

You know what I mean?

I mean, that's a good idea.

Yeah, that's what I mean.

And, like, the caller ID wouldn't show up anything either.

Like, right now, I have mine set to an 844 number, and it says marketing research.

Marketing research, okay.

So, yeah, I should try 700s.

Woo!

Hey, Carlito, can we tell people about the clock?

oh how's that going on how's that going along rather yes go ahead it works so uh like i don't

know a year or two ago i i said i was gonna make a clock yeah that um it's like a web page and and

it's like a clock and uh you know each minute it's gonna announce the time and an angry prank

victim voice like like oh my like like what the hell it's five in the morning why are you calling

me that's what it's gonna do like every minute why are you calling at one o'clock in the morning

Is that you just going to the page?

Because each time you refresh it, it does a different one.

All right, let me try.

Hang on.

And it's at prankcallnation.com slash clock, correct?

Yeah.

All right, cool.

Easy to remember.

I just didn't have time.

I didn't have the time to fiddle with it

It's really loud and distorted

Why don't you call us in the morning

Around 10 o'clock

It's 3 o'clock in the morning

You're asking me this

Well I'm not sure why you guys are calling

At 10.45 at night

I know I was getting ready to explain it to you

Would you like me to tell you

So you know like of course we don't have it

For every minute yet

But if everyone goes to prankcallnation.com

Slash clock right now

and you just listen for the next four hours or so every once in a while it just automatically

will say the time like i think there's one at 10 45 there's a bunch during the 11 o'clock hour

awesome and and yeah it'll just it'll it's a voice clock but it's angry prank victim voices

this is something we can build upon dude you should be able to we should be able to create

a spreadsheet maybe just uh that would be awesome we should create like a spreadsheet that we could

display on that page it shows what's what's yeah what we need what we need still yeah what's

it's not ticked off yeah it'd be cool just to have like every five minutes maybe yeah yeah and

then see if everyone can uh submit one you know i mean just give an option for people to submit

their own clip i'm sure that'd be nice kind of crowdsourcing thing yeah that's cool and it's

still in progress like right now it's set to the west coast time zone um you know i'm gonna make

it so people can select their own time zones so it works out anywhere and it's a fucking quartz

fucking clock which is awesome there those are the best everyone knows the best watches

sister quartz that's true quartz uh quartz is now digitized the quartz.com quartz company

has branched off it's amazing it's it's it's what itunes was to the music industry is quartz to the

timekeeping industry i swear to god it's beautiful that's what i always say yeah man all right i'm

sorry i'm being goofy what do we got next uh mr dwight you have uh dr hot wheels all right hot

Hot Wheels!

Let's do it!

R&D is still set to that 700 number, too.

Damn. I wish we could've talked to that gargoyle number, man.

Okay.

What's the next? Young Voice BJs?

Voice Pijamas?

Dude, I bet you can get keyboard shortcuts like that a lot faster.

Damn!

Those Pijamas!

Come on, man!

Hello?

Voicemail.

F-Fucky Beeshes?

It's like saying Pijamas.

Like that pajamas

Pajamas

Oh

Hello

You have young boys pajamas

Do you have young boys pajamas

Oh

He's Percy

He's on his phone

He's a pussy

Hello motherfucker

Part of the problem is we're calling

Uh

North Carolina

Yeah

It's 1.30 in the morning

It's kinda late there

Yeah

Old ugly pillow

Try that

Fuck it

Alright

We might need to get

We might need to get new numbers

These are getting old

It's way too late for these

Stale.

Sorry, Mrs. Markham.

Murder.

Excuse me.

Oh, it's been forwarded.

I'm looking for other numbers.

I think we got an old horse for sale.

Yeah, try that.

Keep trying them while I find the number.

Hello?

Hello there?

Hey, you have a horse?

Yellow?

Excuse me?

Do you have a horse?

You have a horse, sir?

Yeah.

All right.

How many hands?

Yeah.

How many hands that horse?

Seven percent.

How many hands that horse?

I got five or six of them for sale.

Which one?

No, hands.

How big is the hands on one horse's for sale?

Give me an average.

Tell me the smallest one, five hands, biggest one.

Fifteen hands.

Fifteen hands about all?

I got one fifteen hands, one sixteen hands, one fourteen hands.

Oh, yeah?

Nice, nice.

And what kind of stock they come from?

They come from good fucking stock?

I mean, yeah.

I mean, they're just...

Oh, yeah.

Most of them are just regular quarter horses, man.

They're nice horsies?

Nice horsey?

Nice horsies, right?

I have a horse, Arturo.

I'm like, hey, Arturo.

What do they like to do?

Does your horses like carrots?

I started giggling.

I'm like, oh, fuck, I'm not muted.

You noob.

I've only been doing this for less than a year.

That's true.

Not really.

I've been around this fucking place forever.

I should know the rules, god damn it.

Person cannot be reached at the moment.

Please leave a message after the tone.

Ah, they left another number.

All right.

Two of them.

You got any ideas, Brad?

Places we can call?

No, I was trying to get some bank customers, but they're in my Voxox, and I think that

really is broken.

I can't get on the voicemails for some reason.

Well, I guess it wasn't just you.

All right, good.

Well, that sets me at ease.

Yeah.

You know who would know?

Dialers on top of Voxox.

He's all into their blog and everything.

Yeah.

Tyler, report.

The MagicJack customer you have called is unavailable to take your call.

Please talk to the MagicJack customer.

So I left him a message just to yell at him for using MagicJack.

Yeah, listen real quick.

What were we just talking about?

What was happening?

Vox Ox, what?

Bitcoins, I think.

No, shit.

And vaping.

No, come on.

What were we just talking about?

I have something important to tell you.

Vox Ox.

Vox Ox, yeah.

Is that it?

My voicemail.

The voicemails aren't showing up.

I put it on my cell phone.

They're not showing up there either.

Oh, yes. Did you know that there is a forum in posting in VoxOx's, the customer service blog or whatever it is, the user blog, support blog.

And in it, I think that Aussie Jack guy posted saying that if he really wanted the feature where you could do the conferencing like in Skype style, which would really help us out, right?

Yeah, that'd be nice.

Yeah, and they said, you know, we got a lot of stuff up ahead of us right now,

but this is a feature we could see put again if enough people showed interest.

Well, that's how you get people to show interest.

God damn it.

Yeah, so I got to find that link, and we got to push that out.

See as many people to hit that up and say, yes, I want this feature,

and we can all ditch Skype once and for all.

But events like tonight worry me.

I hope it's just a network outage.

damn it yeah that's when i first started using voxox like a year or two ago it i was having

problems with this i gave up yeah but i mean you everyone else seems to think it's good now

these days it's been really i mean it has his down times but it's like an early it still

has his down times like an early skype you know what i mean yeah that john mccabe guy the guy that

had the voxox that has all the bank stuff he actually gave me his voxox account really yeah

so like i can just i can leave it running during the day and just answer bank calls

okay all right that's all right that should be fun it says i have 19 voicemails waiting

but i just can't see them you feel comfortable with this so it's all good yeah why not

i don't think that there's there's not a legal problem with that is there

it's not like i'm stealing their info no are you just trying to make me paranoid no no they're

not leaving any no i'm just thinking i'm just thinking that's all i'm gonna put a voicemail

on there it says hey you reached the loan department or the refinancing department

yeah that's what it's gonna say i got all the shit i gotta do hell yeah

some some magic some panic guy like in that movie about glenn gary glenn ross or whatever

the fuck that was it's a bunch of panicked frail businessmen like gil or jill from the simpsons

you know what i mean crazy sounding call center in the background i use my voice like it is like

give me a call back like oh shit i gotta do yeah people will definitely leave messages

it might be fun to do that like for a week or something yeah just to see if people just like

probably just get the silent voice feels like that i really just hear that i used to leave

really odd in my early 20s i remember once i had a voice that was like

and i had like people calling me back from work and stuff like yeah carlos we're trying to reach

you your voicemail's pretty funny yeah i've had like a flight of when it's like a foreigner like

rambling italian kind of it's from those musacha tapes whoever those guys were they even jerky boys

or what were they i think he was yeah because i think i heard some uh there was one call with

johnny and the musacha guy okay like in the original bootleg that i used to have

We got to set up a prank call

Hall of Fame one day man

When I get a house I'll set up a little corner

In a closet to hold it

And we'll start collecting memorabilia

We'll shrine

I'm telling you we're going to have a prank call

Hall of Fame one day

It's kind of like that movie that I sent you

Bag Boy

They have a baggers hall of fame

And it's in the back of a fucking tanning salon

They go back there

and uh the guy's like hey that looks kind of like babe roof he's like yeah it is babe roof he's one

of the best baggers of all time until he wasted his life playing baseball and all this shit i

started just fucking cracking up nice um all right are we doing another number am i calling it

the show do we have any more numbers uh there is it looks like three more that uh were on the

morgan list dwight did you call those radio texts last night uh i think i called the first couple

but then i started getting bombarded with calls like every time i tried to fucking dial one i had

an incoming call um so some of them should still be fresh to be called yeah it was bedlam last night

this guy it was real slow like i started panicking because our ads weren't going up

uh as active and i'm like dude like 15 minutes before the show that's when people start calling

and uh i think it was about 10 minutes after they started rolling in but those uh those

Those MacBook Pros, people fucking call all the time

when you price them at $125.

I like that one lady.

She's like, is this really...

She said something like, is this really $250?

And you're like, oh, no, that's a misprint.

It's $100 or something like that.

Yeah.

I told her that if she would suck my dick,

I'd give it to her for free, and she didn't like it.

Oh, yeah, she didn't like that.

Carly, do you want these RadioShacks?

Yeah, yeah, RadioShacks, straight up.

I'm sorry.

I'm kind of in another zone right now.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Who should I send them to? Should I just post them in our chat here?

Yeah, post them in our chat here and then Dwight can

do the dial thing for me

because I'm retarded and I'm not going to do it yet.

You're in another zone? Are you in the

danger zone? No, man.

I'm on the mighty wings, bro.

These are all no answers.

We've tried them before. You're no answer.

I'm starting to wonder if I should just quit

Radio Shack. I thought I was going to just

keep doing them for a few months.

It's kind of sucks that we know that it looks like some of them

are staying open. At least the franchise ones

which is cool and all.

what happened what happened oh it's a misdial oh the uh that's me you gotta have the one you

gotta have the one and you can't have those dashes in there i did it again it worked

fuck it 604 what number are you trying to call 60 maybe i have david david is 615

oh you just do it go ahead i was trying to tell something else yeah all right so what

did i hear though radio shack david henderson look david exchanging for vhs tape adapter okay

No answer before. Alright, try it.

We need to call that battery return guy back.

He got fucking pissed.

The doctor.

Here's David.

Oh, he's still in there?

I don't think so.

I'm sorry.

The doctor.

He called his ass out too.

Cairo.

That dickhead doctor Cairo attitude.

That only like lawyers,

Cairo's.

Yeah, he's a chiropractor.

Salesmen have it.

like oh my shit doesn't stay i thought he picked up when you're like my shit doesn't stay

you're nothing but a radio shack employee yeah that's why you're a radio shack employee and i'm

a doctor that guy oh we're down to five percent on the power nope next customer egypt has carried

out airstrikes on isis targets in libya after videos of beheading wow oh shit breaking news

news everybody you heard it here first this will be veronica isis targets christians video from

terror group shows apparent mass killings of christians egypt military carried out airstrikes

on isis targets after the group released a video showing the headings of coptic christians i dated

a coptic christian from egypt well her parents were eight from egypt she was egyptian she was

a coptic christian she was a pretty cool girlfriend but in the end there were too

many cultural differences but it was quite an experience in my college years she's really cool

yeah was that all yeah was that all of them dwight or should i send another little badge oh no i was

this is the recall for veronica i'm just deleting them your call has been forwarded to an automatic

voice message system to this will be michael michael maybe we'll maybe we'll have better

luck with hawaii because you know a little bit earlier there yeah we got some time it's monday

people go to sleep early anyway to begin with begrudgingly so but they do it's been forwarded

to an automatic voice message system mike gilbert hello hello yes sir i'm calling from the radio

shack you returned an item here sir excuse me oh shit sounded like a threat

oh shit what do you return an hdmi cord he's gonna put up your ass an antenna too

Oh, is he the guy?

No.

You remember the guy with the indoor antenna, I think, that I told him to shove it up his ass or something?

Oh, shit.

He shoved it up his wife's ass?

Oh, I just looked, and I think that might be him.

Really?

Yeah, maybe.

I don't know.

Because this is the indoor antenna return.

Yeah, yeah.

You want to read that one and double check with him?

He got pretty pissed off.

I suck at deleting numbers lately when people call.

Oh, too late.

Here we go.

Too late.

You're like this guy again.

Call me again.

I'm going to call the fucking police.

I'm sorry.

I needed a call back.

Your mother.

Huh?

No, you called me out.

You cussed me and my...

What?

Your mother?

Oh, yeah, I did cuss you and your mother.

That's right.

I had to remember that.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

Is he there still?

What's the balance?

What's your problem, man?

Well, I'm losing my job because Radio Shack is closing, and I get mad, and I come in

here after work and we drink and we have like parties and stuff here and we start calling

customers back and telling them about that's cool i heard y'all were losing y'all's job that sucks

man i was looking for her hey never fucking me like last month i had my fucking kick days with

my daughters in the hospital so i went i got me a better job yeah but we we drink here we have

yeah yeah i was drinking just a minute ago dude that will be so yeah we don't care about your

problems, sir. We come into work, we drink

here, we have sex parties

and stuff. All right.

Inside, yeah.

You ever see

open condoms?

He's all fucking understanding

now. That's fucking shitty, man.

I heard that. Hell yeah, man.

I was at Applebee's. I had myself a margarita.

He just wants the calls to stop.

Maybe I can reason

with him. I just had a perfect

margarita, man. I feel

I feel great. I brought a home of glass

and everything. The shaker? Yeah,

I bought it. That thing was delicious.

Oh, shit.

Would you like the next one? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

This'll be Hunter. Hunter?

What's he doing? What's he got?

Hunter Trauber, no answer.

I gave him his last name and he got like an asshole.

Is he the guy with the Y cable?

The Y cable.

The cable that looks like a penis.

Oh, they picked up.

I had a fucking party over at the radio shack.

I heard the music. Hello? Yeah.

Oh, this fucking bitch.

The one that got sloth.

I remember that.

Oh, hey.

Hi, hi.

Oh, you whore.

You whore.

We actually got a hold of her the first time.

Yeah, she actually picked up that time, too.

Not going to get us.

No, you whore.

You sound like a fat whore.

Hello?

No.

Hi.

Okay, bye.

I guess if you're so angry, I'm going to choke my balls off.

Me, too.

Damn.

Did you go watch Fifty Shades of Grey with your wife this weekend to get lucky, Carlito?

Oh, God, no.

We should have called up a theater and had them shut it down.

Yeah.

Yeah, dude.

I had somebody tell me, I'm going to watch it.

No, I'll inform you.

I was like, I don't give a fuck about it.

I don't care.

Yeah, man.

Yeah.

If I want to watch that shit, I just go on the internet and watch some real fucking.

Man.

Here's Annette.

When you're ready.

Oh, shit.

I already hit the button.

Here she comes.

She returned a house phone.

Returned the whole house.

And the phone.

You have reached the voicemail box of 8087.

Put the number out there.

Put it out there, machine.

machine yeah yeah well this is amy i'm sorry or annette there's still a net you have reached the

voicemail box of eight zero like what seven o'clock over there is it yeah it's seven maybe

eight i don't know but it's sunday they've all had their traditional sunday dinner rice and spam

fried spam did the choom choom a little bit had a little bit of choom uh i have amy locked and

loaded for you okay i i real quick i had a there was a coconut head on during this week somebody

show and he used that he used that term was it what was that milkman had said that they don't

like was it spook oh kanaka kook no kook i heard i heard the guy say kook and no one caught it but

i was doing something while i was listening but the guy was like kook kanaka's a great word i love

of that we found that what's going on now where are we at my bad amy amy who has a cassette adapter

universal adapter all right try her we had no answer from her before we're trying her now what

the hell is that a cassette universal adapter yeah well cassette can adapt to the other oh okay

that makes sense it is a adapter you put the cassette in there and then you hit play and it

It comes out of a speaker that the adapter has.

Oh, I get it.

It's a radio adapter.

Hello, yes, I'm calling from the Radio Shack Customer Service Center.

You had a return here for a cassette adapter, universal adapter.

This is Amy.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, we're calling customers back.

We're going to have to decline your return,

and we're sending the cassette adapter back to your house tomorrow,

and then we're going to charge the card

that we have on file for you here

for it back, okay?

I've got a tracking number for you

if you want to copy it down.

Whoa.

All

right, did that not work?

Does this sound too much like the police or scammers?

Well, I think the call center volume was a little loud.

Oh, shit.

Damn it.

That's right.

That's who, that's who.

It was about as loud as you, I think.

Oh, man.

Read it.

Redial at your command, sir.

Yeah, go ahead and redial.

Forget it.

Make it so.

I love that background noise.

Thank you, cell phone.

Please leave a message and I'll call you back as soon as I can.

Have a great day.

Aloha.

At least we got her to answer, right?

Where'd you get the background from?

That one, I actually bought this one

for a project I was going to do

and I never did it.

I bought this from one of those

sites you can buy little things from

for productions and stuff.

I forget who.

I paid like 99 cents for it.

It's in my Dropbox.

That's cool.

I should steal it.

I got Bowling Alley too.

I should be doing Bowling Alley.

I love Bowling Alley during the day.

It's funny, there's a Bowling Alley open

But at this time on a Sunday night

Hopefully this isn't too loud

How is that now

We'll have to use that sound sometime

When we'll just call up a bowling alley in one city

And put our caller ID as the other bowling alley

In that city

And start a fucking turf war with them

But we had the one assholes

I forget it was the

Webcam prank

And we got them so fucking much

The cops were there and were watching the cops

On the fucking webcam

Like oh shit

it yeah man you gotta watch out cops show up yeah yeah watch out man um we got anything else or

should we just call it a night what do you what do you say there's one more number from the ones

that uh harvey sent all right we'll do that when we'll call it's two o'clock in the morning time

to go to sleep yeah after a late night snack and sleep you reach chris leave a message and i'll get

back to you like chris sounds like his fucking phone's off try him again oh we lost the milk

fan oh why now he's connected through the whole show message and i'll get back to you when i can

i got a phone call he was having he was dropping in and out all right well that's it then thanks

for being on you guys i enjoyed our time brad you have anything to plug your your clock

yeah prank call nation.com slash clock clock machine yeah all right cool and everyone should

should send us uh clips you know like clips of people yelling in times yeah man yeah we got to

get a system going for that too that'd be nice nice little form and i gotta get with you because

i gotta get that request to prank i gotta get those coming into me i gotta get the credentials

for that account oh okay i'll get you within a second and dwight you got anything going on this

week or nathan applied uh nope i'll be on tuesday we'll do the regular callings on tuesday and we

We do the incoming shit on Saturdays, so if anybody wants to do some ads for me,

Friday night, Saturday night, I'll release the number a couple hours before showtime.

All right, cool.

All right, well, thanks for manning the con.

Dashie, thanks for being on.

Thanks for helping out with Colorific during the VoxOx outage.

Appreciate it.

Thanks to Neon, who was on earlier.

Nunu sent in crazy numbers that didn't work, but thank you also.

So they might have worked.

But like I said, I couldn't even dial international for a while there.

And everyone who listened.

Thanks, man.

Thank you.

Printcallnation.com is our website.

Yeah.

Subscribe to the podcast there.

You can also go to madhouselive.com and do the same.

That's for my show specifically.

And if you'd like to help us out, donate at least a dollar.

Every little bit can help keep us going and spread.

It'll give us more ability to spread the word and increase our quality.

patreon.com slash prank call nation patreon.com slash prank call nation okay okay thanks guys

good night bye i'm gonna try milkman real quick though yeah connection problem had dropped out

might be able to get him back that would be great i don't really have anything else i could plug at

the top of my hand no answer oh no answer time again doesn't look like it we have no milkman

all right anyway guys good night i'll catch you here next week sunday night thanks for listening

Calls (28, 1 h 2 min of 3 h 34 min)

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