Raw Pork Steaks

Hedo, great effort tonight for you and your team.

What was crucial down the stretch for coming back in this game?

Ball.

The ball in your hands.

And you did a lot with it.

I got nothing else to say.

You had the ball in your hands and you made plays.

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

All right, Hedo Turkoglu.

Big night for Hedo Turkoglu.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the main event of the evening.

And the attendants and fans watching around live

Malcolm, Carlito, I'm Carlito, your host of the show

And Milkman is here, Milkman

Milk, Milkman's not connecting

Like the cut that he is

Milkman is a fucking

Hey everybody, I'm Carlito, here the host of Madhouse Radio

Which is on tonight, right now

Hey Milkman's here, hey motherfucker

Hey, can you hear me?

Can you get my audio now?

Yeah, I've heard you the whole time.

I told you the way we were playing the intro.

I couldn't hear you, dude.

Well, if you hear music...

It's like I might get a real bad connection here.

What did you...

Did you hear music?

If you hear music, that means you're on hold.

Hold?

Hold music?

And four, big dog.

I couldn't tell me.

My connection's coming in and out.

How you doing, Milkman?

You working?

Oh, you working, Milkman?

Popping in and out.

I barely got a copy.

Copy.

Get some copies.

Yeah.

Milkman.

It's right now.

Huh?

Wow.

I'm on top of Twin Peaks.

On top of Twin Peaks?

Great, that makes no sense to me.

Yeah, I'm in Twin Peaks right now.

That makes no sense to me.

Hey, I'm on Tiny Chat, everybody.

Tinychat.com slash prankcallnation.

That's tinychat.com slash prankcallnation, where you can watch me do the show.

Woo, and I can watch you.

We can do exhibitionism.

Yeah, yeah.

Look, man, you like exhibitionism?

You ever get into that?

He's an internet connection problem, he says.

Wait for him to call back when he gets in a clear area.

you he must have been on top of twin peaks as he says yeah okay well let's get to the prank calls

before that i'll mention madhouse live.com is my home page and that's the home page of the show

you're listening to tonight madhouse live.com madhouse live.com um also prank call nation.com

is the website for the network that i'm broadcasting on the network that i founded and run here with

my friends it's a good network it's nice it smells really good here we do a good job bumping

the floors and everything we got a janitor named dwight cleans up two times a week we have shows

all week all the time we got shows all the fucking time so check out the schedule which is going to

be corrected soon check out the schedule over at prank call nation.com so yeah i'm starting a

little earlier than i normally do actually much earlier than i normally do by the degree of two

two hours we usually start the show 10 p.m eastern i thought i'd give it a shot starting

it at 8 p.m eastern see if we can get more people the opportunity to listen since sunday is the day

off but it's it is a work night still so hey milkman put your windows up or your air conditioner

turn it off sweat sweat your balls what's up milkman are you in a good area now yeah you say

it all right man i speak to sabertooth and i can't keep trying keep trying hello hello honey baby

all right anyway so we're on and out we're on two hours earlier i plan to end the show at midnight

eastern 9 p.m pacific um i haven't completely committed to that time frame yet but i hope to

be able to do so we'll see we're experimenting with it and we'll see if it sticks so the show

will end one hour earlier but start two hours earlier yeah so you actually get more show this

this way um all right we're calling these numbers here i don't i don't think these places are open

on the weekend um but i've been given numerous ethics hotlines by one of our listeners toll-free

lines i don't know let's see if they pick up i i really don't mean to sound like a negative nancy

but i don't think they're going to answer thank you for calling for english press one

hey you're calling the target integrity hotline my name is tari are you calling

reference to a previously bad report or do you wish to file a new report no you

this is a new one wow okay this language called being disconnected

well i'm real i'm really pissed off oh wow hey milkman you hear yet no okay

all right i'll be nice i'll be nice wow that was a waste of okay thank you for

calling

target encouragement open to a culture at all levels and locations

Your report will be shared with Target Corporation and addressed with a high sense of urgency.

Hello?

Thank you for calling the Target Integrity Hotline.

My name is Marilyn.

Are you calling in reference to a previously filed report, or do you wish to file a new report?

It's about a new goddamn report.

Okay.

Would you like to give your team member ID number, or do you wish to remain anonymous?

I want to remain anonymous because I don't want any fucking retribution on me, you know?

Okay, could you refrain from that language, please?

I'm just really upset at what happened.

I understand that, but I want to help you.

This fucking manager.

He's a fucking manager.

The fucking manager's an asshole here.

And we're going to bring him down, you and me.

What's your name, Melody?

No, my name is Marilyn.

Marilyn.

Okay, what city and state are you calling in reference to?

I want to stay anonymous.

Okay, but we need a city.

We have to have the correct store that you're reporting.

You don't have to give your name.

Well, I'm not going to give my name, I know,

but I like to remain anonymous when it comes to, you know.

That's fine, but we still need the store.

We can't make a report without a store.

We don't know what store that we're reporting.

Target.

We have Target.

We do Target all over the nation.

What city and state are you calling?

Oh, yeah, of course.

Don't be ignorant.

There's Targets everywhere.

Excuse me?

I mean, you don't have to be ignorant.

I know there's Targets everywhere.

What do you mean?

Okay, I'm going to have to disconnect.

Why do you say you do them all over the nation?

It's like, no, I didn't curse.

I said ignorant.

Is that a curse now?

Okay, but I'm not being ignorant.

rent. All I asked was the city and state of the location that you're calling to report so that I

can help you. Well, put down the target. We have target. What city and state are you calling in

reference to? They're headquartered in Minnesota, Minnesota, Minneapolis, Minnesota. Yeah, that's

that's the target headquarters. One moment. Yeah, we're on a call. Background noise. Background

Okay, so in Minneapolis, I have a long list of different locations.

What street is the state located on?

It's the main office.

Located on what street?

Minneapolis.

That's the street?

I guess.

Yeah, that should be right.

That should work, yeah.

Put that in there.

Okay, that's not coming up, so let's see what else I have here.

Okay, so I show a Target 9492 Headquarters 1000 Nicollet Mall.

That must be it, yeah.

Okay, are you an employee or a customer?

I'm an employee.

Are you calling in regards to any payroll or benefit-related issues?

No, the motherfucking manager did something really bad to me.

Okay, I'm sorry.

This is my last time asking you to refrain from that.

I'm sorry.

That's right.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Before we begin, I want you to know that in order to build a report, I'm going to ask

a series of questions to help me understand your concerns.

For instance, I will need to know who was involved, what occurred, and when it happened.

Okay.

We expect that all concerns are reported in the state.

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

A report would be...

Blah, blah, blah.

Okay, I'm terminating this call.

No, I believe you.

Just go, just...

Can you just put agree?

Oh.

All right.

I'll call back.

Da-dum-dum.

Milkman.

And Milkman drops just in time.

He's having really bad connection problems.

Now he's going to get mad at me, knowing him.

Hey, Milkman.

Hey.

What happened?

I get lost?

Yeah, you have a connection problem.

Oh.

I'm not even moving, dude.

Thank you for calling.

For English, press 1.

Don't get mad at me.

Thank you for calling Target's Employee Relations and Integrity Hotline, provided by the network.

I have an idea for a guest for this show.

Yeah?

Target Guest Relations?

I probably should have asked you off-air, though, before I mentioned it.

Try not to talk so loud.

You're really loud.

Lower your voice.

There you go. That's perfect.

In a moment, you will be connected with an interviewer at the network.

a third-party representative that will submit a report on your behalf.

Your report will be shared with Target Corporation.

Oh, God. Blah, blah, blah. I said I was just telling her, Milkman.

I told her, blah, blah, blah. She got mad.

And you may remain anonymous.

Please hold as we connect you to the next interview specialist.

Can you type it yet?

I'm doing it right now. I'm not very fast. I'm on the phone.

Say it to Siri and have her type it.

Hello? Hello?

Thank you for calling the Target Integrity Hotline.

My name is Tari. Are you calling in reference to a previously filed report

or do you wish to file a new report?

No, this is a new machine.

I'm sorry?

This is a new machine.

Are you calling to make a new report?

A new machine report.

Report machine, rather, I should say.

Are you a Target employee?

Yeah.

May I have your team member number?

Do you wish to remain anonymous?

My name is Brian Cornell.

I don't want to give my team member,

but you can put down my name.

What's your store number?

I'm at the headquarters in Minneapolis, Minnesota,

on east lake i'm the ceo one moment please i'm the ceo i said okay i have to make a complaint

an ethics complaint it's about that the employees of this company are fucking lazy assholes okay

one moment please no but you did that so loud do what whatever you crumpled over there any other

time you can't fucking hear me and now tonight you tell me i'm too loud i'm gonna use this mic

i do and i never say anything it's always fucking one way or another you can't hear me you can't

And fuck.

Now I can hear you.

That's the proof.

See the message?

And you're not supposed to be eating fast food anyway because of your prediabetes.

See the message?

Yeah.

What do you think?

Stupid idea?

I thought it would be hilarious to get perspective from that angle.

Yeah.

Yeah, that would be a good blackout.

I mean, basically, that was the one that got replaced.

We'd love to hear that from that angle.

I thought it was hilarious.

Yeah.

Let's see what the blackouts are, too.

I don't have no hard feelings against the guy, you know,

and if he wants to go on Thursdays or Sundays against us any time, dude, I welcome him, you know.

I can reach out to him.

I have contacts from him.

He's a wacky guy.

That would be funny, dude, you know, because, I mean, just to see what's going on with him now.

I mean, he's doing shows or what, you know, because back then it was a big deal,

but, you know, now it's kind of funny to look back at it and see what they think.

We should call Pindar.

Remember Pindar?

He's dead.

He's dead?

Yeah.

relieved why was what call i don't even know what she said something called she said this call is

now going to be released yeah but before that she said what kind of call it was milkman oh i heard

she said this call so rewind still no wait hey ellie told me to tell you she said hello and

she's looking forward to the anniversary show yeah cool man that sounds great like one of our

Our oldest man, I've been there since Dave.

She has.

You have called Navax Global, a company hired by your organization.

So you can snitch.

To gather information related to potential issues.

So you can snitch on your boss.

We will take 10 to 15 minutes to ask you a series of questions.

Then submit the information you provide to your organization

so they can begin an investigation process as warranted.

Everyone, we're calling six hotlines for those of you who are just tuning in.

Confidential

Carlitos here with Milkman

What's up Milkman

What's up Hooker

Milkman I love you bro

You're like

You're like a brother to me

You know that right

You are my bro dude

You're stuck

You're stuck man

Different mothers

Man

Stuck with you

Same spirit

Hello

Thank you for calling

The Sears Hotline

My name is Ann

Hey

I'm in a

Yeah

Sexual favors

I'm calling to make a report

Okay thank you

Sexual favors

Is there any way

To get the echo off the phone

The sexual favors

Is there a way

Is there a way to get the echo off the phone?

Yes, there is.

It should be off.

Okay, yeah, that's still there.

Well, deal with it.

I don't know what to tell you.

I don't have a way.

I'm not going to conduct the interview on a good...

You call back on another line?

Fucking shit.

Fucking asshole.

Fucking shit.

Yeah, I guess so.

Damn it.

That's Skype, dude.

You remember how it works on the air,

and it sounds like shit on the air,

and it sounds great.

Sometimes you call back,

and it sounds fine then, too.

It's crazy.

Yeah, I know.

So I said, just call again, dude.

You just got a bad connection.

Yeah, yeah.

I'll call back.

See where I'm at, dude.

I'm up on top of this mountain.

It's the highest place in San Francisco.

See the whole bay.

I see Oakland.

Every, all parts of the city.

I see the clouds moving in, dude.

Like, literally, I'm so high that the clouds run in the fog up here.

Beautiful, man.

Wow.

The show is being brought to you live from there.

Can you see the Golden Gate from there?

The satellite link from San Francisco, right high atop Twin Peaks.

Can you see the Golden Gate?

Yeah, uh-huh. I can see the Bay Bridge. I can see Oakland.

Well, now it's hard to see the gold gate. Now it's getting covered by fog now.

The fog's moving up behind us.

Yeah, I missed out on that.

There's a song there.

Thank you for calling the Sears Holdings Corporation ethics hotline.

Dude, this is awesome background music. Thank you.

Oh, yeah. I'm glad you like it.

Seriously, it's like competing for your audio.

You're like 60% and the music audio is like 80%.

I'm starting to get on my case.

Thank you for calling this year's hotline.

My name is Christophe.

Are you calling to follow up?

Is there an American I can talk to?

I'm sorry?

Is there an American that I can talk to?

I'm here in North Carolina.

I don't understand what he's saying because of the accent.

Okay, thank you for calling this year's hotline.

My name is Christophe.

Are you calling to file a new report?

Your name is Christophe?

Christophe, just like Christophe.

Then why don't you say Christopher?

Because it's Christophe, C-H-R-I-S-T-O-P-H.

Why?

Sorry?

Why?

my name you're not where are you from france originally 15 years ago from austria but i'm

living in north korea oh that's disgusting okay yeah i have to make a complaint about a manager

his name is edward lampert and he's doing bad things are you a customer or an employee an

employee thank you second to get the program started hurry up hurry up it is a guided interview

process it's about 15 minutes you need to hurry up though because i don't have that long on the

break. I'm in the

store bathroom right now.

The hotline is

available 24 hours a day.

Yeah, but it has to be now because they're following

me home. They'll follow me home.

You're located in the United States?

Yeah.

In Michigan?

No.

In what state, please?

Puerto Rico.

In what city?

San Juan.

I have several locations.

I have seven

Whatever location. Plaza de las Americas is the name of it. Plaza de las Americas. Thank you. In one or two sentences, can you tell me what kind of... Down, down, down, down, down. I'm sorry? Down, down, down. I'm sorry? Down. What do you mean by down? You said to explain it in... In one or two sentences, can you tell me the reason for your call so I can select the right category?

Edward Lampert is doing bad things with the company.

He's a piece of shit.

So you have a complaint about the manager?

Edward Lampert.

He's a piece of shit.

What is your relationship to CS Holding?

You're an associate?

I am an associate machine.

Do you wish to remain anonymous or provide me with your name?

You can put me down as Hoffman.

Is it the first or the last name?

That's just the name.

That's all I'm going to give.

H-O-F-F-M-A-N?

Yeah, and that's not my real name.

It's just a code word we'll use for me.

Okay.

Okay. Then I will refer to you as the caller and not put a name in, okay?

All right, motherfucker.

I apologize. I'm sorry.

All right, yeah, that's fine, motherfucker. That works.

Okay. Are you taking this for serious or not?

Yeah, it is. Yeah, we need to stop Edward Lampert before he destroys the fucking company.

The first name is Edward, E-D-W-A-R-D?

Yeah.

And Lampert?

Lampert. You see, this is where the problem starts with the language, with your bad grammar, because you're not American, you know?

L-A-M-P-E-R?

T, you see? That's why I asked for someone American at the beginning of the call.

Okay.

English speaker.

Can you spell it?

Native English speaker, you know.

Please spell the last name of Edward for me.

L-A-M-P-E-R-T.

Thank you. What is his job title?

C-E-O.

Yeah.

Okay. Then, if you talk to management about this issue, just yes or no.

Well, can I, I mean, do you, are you going to get to the part where you ask me a whole paragraph?

The company has required that if you don't have enough time, you can file this online or at any place.

All right, shut up. Shut up, please.

He flew a helicopter. I don't know how I should wear this.

He flew in his helicopter. He landed it here on the parking garage here at the mall.

He came out, and he went to the Sears, right?

And he was taking food items off the store shelves and eating them like that.

Yeah, and then he said he wanted to do a special demonstration on the sales floor for all of us in appliances.

He took one of the Kenmore dryers, and he had it plugged in into a three-pronged power source.

And he had a female shopper sit on top of it, and he turned it on the highest cycle with a bowling ball inside of it.

And he turned it on, and the woman was orgasming on top of the dryer because of the motion that she was straddling.

Can you please hold for a moment?

Yeah, yeah, okay.

It's serious.

The bowling ball sound.

So it's like...

Yeah.

With authentic simulated Harley sound.

Aw, come on.

That bitch.

He sounded like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

He did.

Hey, here's Lowe's.

Our friends at Lowe's.

You know those guys, right?

Lowe's, yeah, yeah.

What's that guy, Seven?

What was his name?

Number 7?

Yeah, the old dude in Hawaii.

And Department 7?

Or whatever it is, yeah.

What is it?

He worked in hardware, I think, or electronics.

Chris.

He works in tools.

He works in tool world.

Oh, tools.

Yeah, he was very helpful.

You have reached Tracy Millsaps.

Please leave me a message and I'll return your call.

Man, Lowe's sucks at this, don't they?

Yeah, they don't even have...

Tracy Milkbags.

Yeah, they don't outsource it or nothing.

and you've got to call milk bags over there, huh?

You've got to call.

You've got some Tracy milk bags.

Yeah, I'll trace her milk bags.

You know what I mean?

How you doing, RJ?

Woo!

Having a good time.

We like to talk between every song just to check.

Let me go to the next one here.

Bank of America, they've got to be open.

RJ G2 has a record coming out on Debt Tricks this year.

Who is this in the background that's, like, talking, man?

It's none of your business.

It's private.

No doubt, man.

They're close.

Give me the mic.

Is that Coolio or who?

I don't know.

I don't recognize.

It's Aesop Rock

Thank you for calling

Aesop Rock is the name

And I appreciate it if you don't talk bad about the music

I put a long time in selecting for my show

Damn it

Oh, okay, no, no

I thought if he's talking, man, it wouldn't matter then

Right?

It's actually music

This is good during the break

Whatever

The helpline cannot provide answers or advice.

Our role is to properly escalate your request for advice, question, or concern

to the appropriate internal bank team for review.

To report an ethical violation...

Transgender sex changing.

I can't hear.

All Legacy, MBNA, and ECS associates that do not have access to personnel...

I'll just hit one. I don't know what the options were.

...to the audio.

...6044.

That's it.

Just give me a phone number to call.

All right, we'll forget Bank of America.

I don't know if they were there or not.

Let's see who else I got.

That's it for that list, really, that I'm interested in calling.

There's some other ones in...

Oh, here's one in London.

A CPA.

It's real late over there.

You have called Navex Global, a company hired by your organization to gather information related to potential issues.

We will take 10 to 15 minutes to ask you a series of questions.

Then submit the information you provide to your organization so they can begin an investigation process as warranted.

All information you provide will be kept confidential.

Doesn't it?

Doesn't it sound like it?

Yeah.

Yep.

Find a shelter in your area.

When you hear the warning sign.

Please press 1 to be connected with the next available communication specialist.

Ah, yeah.

This is basic civil defense information from the Department of Defense,

Office of Civil Defense, Washington.

Thank you for hope.

Would you like to file a new report?

If you receive warning of an enemy attack, get to the nearest fallout shelter promptly.

She hung up.

She hung up the city church.

She must not like...

She must have been afraid of the fallout warning, dude.

She's like, ah!

If you were caught in the open...

She hid under the desk.

Ripped the phone out of the wall socket while she was diving under the desk, dude.

She ripped her headset out, you know.

Oh, my God!

She jumped under the desk.

Rip.

I'll call a random person.

Let me see if I can get a random person to pick up.

I'll just play that.

Like the public service announcement.

all right let's see if this works oh my god i wish you could see it dude the fog is blown

in and it's like flying by me like 30 miles an hour and everything has disappeared man

yeah yeah i'm up here where the cloud turns the fog

Duncan O'Thomas, can I help you?

Hello?

Duncan O'Thomas, can I help you?

Yeah, I'm supposed to play something for you.

This is basic civil defense information from the Department of Defense,

Office of Civil Defense, Washington.

If you receive warning of an enemy attack, get to the nearest fought-out shelter promptly.

But if you're caught in the open and there's a brilliant nuclear flash in the distance, take cover immediately.

Even miles away, you may be exposed within seconds to a searing heat wave from the explosion,

followed by a blast wave and flying debris.

Get into the nearest building immediately or into a ditch or culvert, beneath a parked car, behind a tree or wall,

anything solid that will give you some measure of protection.

protection curl up in a ball and cover your head with your arms stay there until she goes

it goes off for a little too long oh man okay now you can call back and

call back and give her a quiz give her a quiz on what she just heard

hello hello she hung right up i think she heard me laughing or saw the caller id that's it

sorry comprehension test could you hear it well yeah um i'm calling back the message didn't

complete i have to start it uh to complete all right no this is the business yeah this is it's

required i'm calling and it's required i'm calling from the department of defense office of civil

defense in washington dc here we go blast waves of pants then go to the nearest fallout shelter

before radioactive fallout starts drifting down if there's no fallout shelter within range

go to the nearest large building and take shelter in the basement or one of the inner hallways

know in advance what to do in any emergency situation

dude i have a feeling she's not gonna pass her quiz we've had to start over from the beginning

so you hear it normal like it sounds loud enough to you yeah yeah now it sounds good yeah i don't

hear no background audio or anything but like i was saying before like your background audio is

is like 90 the guy talking and rapping and then your voice level is like 70 or 60 so like when

there's music playing i almost hear nothing of you well sorry no no i just try to tell you so

that is that only on my side because i'm on the show or is that going away it's going to sound

to the listeners too uh no i think that's just you because of your the way you're connecting

and it's not your fault it's the way i have your connection set up but we sometimes we have to

deal with things, you know, in order for the

greater good. No, I know.

I've been here since the beginning, the gizmo days,

the satellite days. We've dealt with all kinds of

shit. The echo, remember the constant echo?

Oh, yeah.

You know, I won't

complain or say anything. If I know that

the listeners are hearing good, then I won't

fucking worry about it. If I gotta live with it, I'll live

with it. That's all I wanna know.

Here's a Starbucks machine. We'll play

a different message for them. Without my intro

this time. Shut up.

This is basic civil defense information from the Department of Defense, Office of Civil Defense, Washington.

If an enemy nuclear attack ever occurs, many areas of the nation would be threatened by radioactive fallout.

If there is public shelter nearby, or if you have a home shelter, use it,

unless your local government has given you other instructions.

But if regular shelter isn't available, and you have a house with a below-ground basement or storm cellar,

you could still improvise some protection from radioactive fallout.

In a basement, choose a corner most below ground and away from windows.

Drag in a heavy bench or table to make a room for yourself.

That one kind of scared me.

If I'm at work and I pick up the phone and it sounds like a robocall for the government

about nuclear safety, I'd be like, oh, shit.

There's a nuclear bomb in this city, man.

We're all dead.

Something like that is what he said.

Hang on.

Hold on.

cover it with trunks stacks of firewood flagstones books anything that is thick and heavy then wall

yourself in on the two open sides with heavy appliances or dressers or chests backed with

earth or sand to help absorb radiation for more information on this and other ways to

improvise protection from fallout check with your local civil defense office hello

oh okay he actually listened at that time uh now for the quiz yeah he had a funny reaction

to the whole thing that was funny he's like oh all right let's call him back

that says burning i thought i changed the color i don't think i did let me try again

let me give it a few seconds to clear out yeah give it a few seconds all right here we go here

You sounded a little bit worried there.

Yeah, I'd like to make an order.

I'd like to make an order.

32 minutes for now.

Two minutes for now?

That's 6.30.

Yeah.

What are you going to get?

One coffee.

Regular brewed coffee?

Hot coffee.

Sugar?

I need...

It needs to have heat.

It needs to brew it.

Brew it with heat.

One container.

One cover.

We need a few beans.

Okay

And I can get things

Yeah sure

You can do that

Or you can brew it

With something else

I don't think you can

Probably wouldn't turn out that well

Yeah

Motherfucker you

What's that?

Motherfucker you

Oh okay

Yeah motherfucker you

Alright

Alright well have a good night

Hey you know what

I'm calling from Dunkin Donuts

Okay

That's nice

Yeah we're better

That's cool

We're better than you guys

We're right over here too

You should come down

We're real close

So I can kick your ass

Hello

La la la

I'm gonna call

Tim Hortons

Here's a La Quinta Inn

Hotel

Do you guys have

those Tim Hortons where you were at?

No, sir. That's a Canada

thing. California?

No, no, no. Not only to Canada.

They're like in the northeast

area too, but I didn't know if your area had it.

I think they're afraid to expand up here

because of Dunkin' Donuts

pretty much owns this area.

Oh yeah, Dunkin' runs everything up there

in like the New York side.

In Canada, it's all those Tim Hortons.

Actually, Boston, Massachusetts

and New York is

that and Starbucks.

fuck starbucks is everywhere what am i talking about everywhere you can go anywhere you go to

hospitals and you can go to fucking i was on a cruise you guys have out there called

peets anything called peets p-e-e-t-s no no shit i've got that shit here oh peets is good dude

that's a competitor for starbucks out here it's a piece of shit they were saying sloth was saying

it's a piece of shit sloth said that peets is a piece of shit yeah he said it's the worst shit

it ever, he was saying.

Don't pay attention to Slotty when he's talking about

dude. Trust me, man. I go to both.

Put that one.

Heats is far better.

Please press sit or stay on

the line. Saw didn't say that.

I just made that up. Okay, well, I mean, he's got

a right to his opinion. I'm just saying that I can

tell you for sure it's not a bad place.

Well, but I just, I don't know for sure that he thinks

it sucks. Well, I don't think it sucks.

Does it have hot water?

Can you get hot water? You can buy hot water

if you want and cold too you're willing to be a paying customer you can use the bathroom yeah

in combination code shut up get out of here yeah no motherfucker pick up here's some funny shit

yesterday what i went to pete's and i got the door code right and it said bacon so i went and

dialed the door code opened up there's this fucking pretty cool fucking black motherfucking

brother take a big healthy shit man right in front of me he didn't lock the door and he was like oh

Oh, dude, you didn't fucking say it's vacant.

What the fuck?

I laughed my ass off, dude.

This motherfucker's a big boy, too, man.

I mean, you know, he's probably like a size six or five, man.

Did he put his hands between his legs to cover his dick?

Hell, the toilet was, like, sagging, man.

But he raised him up, kind of like, kind of like,

holding out, like, the door from, like, open, you know?

Yeah, he held his hand out like a stocking sign.

That's what he did.

He's a black guy.

He must have a dick.

Yeah, he's a black guy.

He has a big dick.

That's why he doesn't care if you see it.

What about that?

I think he did something heavy.

It would've took like a crane to lift his ass off of there that quick.

Hey, how you doing?

Hello.

I'm calling from the corporate office.

My name is Mac.

I'm calling to do a customer survey, weekly customer survey.

If you have a customer, they do a five-minute survey on the phone.

They get a $40 gift card in the mail.

Oh, sorry.

I need it.

No, it's for a customer.

Hello, fucking guy.

Oh, sorry.

Don't need it.

Bullshit.

You do need it.

We're showing.

Is that a number, a fresh number, or has that been around?

already uh this is new new one that i just got myself all right no answer there on the rebound

here we go with vacation in and i need to shave i gotta plug in my razor so i can charge it's dead

right now how can i help you yeah i need to be transferred to room number 112 is it 112

i don't think we have that room or 12 what's the last name uh i'm with transportation i actually

you don't have it they don't have any those numbers they're not numbered at all not a 12 at

all what do they go like they go from like 101 and then it goes to 111 and then 113 and then on

oh that's all right so yeah it is it is 10 it's 113 then that's why i'm sorry yeah there was a

question here whether it was a two or a three so that makes sense now okay one second honey baby

I got my hand stuck out in a cloud.

Muting.

Ew.

Cloud of shit.

Let's load by like 30 miles an hour.

And press pound to end.

To disconnect, press one.

To go to home position, press zero.

Welcome.

Please hold.

Transferring the call to operator.

No, I'm out of the room.

I heard two zeros instead of one.

Fuck.

Okay.

Damn.

Yeah, dude.

This fucking cloud, man.

Man, it just came through here, man.

Everything's gone, man.

The whole mountain disappeared.

I'm in a cloud right now.

I roll out my window, I roll it down, and I stick my hand out.

It's, like, disappearing in the cloud.

Yeah?

Is it a rainy day over there?

No, dude.

I'm on top of the mountain, man.

It's really far out, man.

Oh, man.

Far out, man.

I need a few of these shirts.

Get, like, a big scooter on with me, man.

We'll take a nice old kit.

We'll, like, sit here and watch space out.

Is it a parking lot, or did you just park on the side of the road?

No, there's, like, a circle.

It's like bare boobs, man.

You got roads all the way around it.

I'm parked on the side.

Are there any gay guys looking for action?

No, but there's a lot of couples up here.

Like, guys and girls holding hands and shit.

Fuck it.

Go get some phone numbers from them.

I'll call them.

I don't think so.

I don't want anybody to think I'm a gay guy.

Hey, can I have your number?

My name's Dave.

Dave?

Why Dave?

Wow.

Katie, hey.

Hey.

We're trying to get him on the show.

helping out i love kdk okay don't take that wrong okay so i don't have to give kdk so i won't make

no jokes man because i don't want him to take offense and believe i'm i really don't like i

love kdk and i was laughing and joking about it earlier because i was thinking you know what

if he doesn't come on he's gonna miss an opportunity because like it or not he's a part

of our beginning dude yeah and it's his fault that we got started and after this now i would

because i don't have no problem with kdk i mean we had the bullshit arguments on the air but it's

not real i never really felt about him i just didn't like the fact that he was trying to fuck

with you and that's why i got so red ass about everything oh shit you're my problem and no one

will fuck you did you did get the red ass there milkman for a while i did

everybody got mad at him but me and i was his last friend dude and when he turned on the last

All right, we're calling for a Mustang for sale.

KDK used to say that he'd go, woo.

He'd go, woo.

Nunu says you do gay stuff with KDK.

Is that true?

You're KD gay?

Dude, how did I get 275 listening machines?

Well, if Nunu will come on the show,

Nunu will come on the show in his real voice, dude.

I will offer money to him

if he will come on the show in his real voice

in the anniversary show.

Paul has been forwarded

to an automated voice messaging system.

Here's the appearance.

He really will come on.

Yeah.

You tell him that.

Okay, I will.

I'm having trouble getting people to answer tonight, huh?

It sucks.

Oh, no.

A little bit of distance.

A little bit.

All right.

Chopping up.

Choppy, choppy.

So the reason you drive...

What's the name of this mountain called?

Twin Peaks?

That's not what it's called, though, right?

Is that just a...

Yeah.

Yeah, type in Twin Peaks, San Francisco, and you'll see it.

I'm right on top of it.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Sounds beautiful if you can touch clouds and stuff, Milkman.

That's a place to camp out.

Literally, I swear to God, man.

I mean, I'm looking out here and the clouds blowing around the peak because I'm like, like, the peak is like 30 feet above me.

And they're blowing right around the peak.

And, like, everything's disappeared.

I stick my hand out in the cloud, dude.

It, like, disappeared.

It's, like, far out, man.

Far out, man.

Over there.

There's a cloud.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Listen, God bless you.

Fight it, dude.

Dude, and when you get here, dude, we'll come up here and we'll do our show or whatever, man.

Yeah, we'll do it right there in the clouds, right there.

And then you can kill me and burn me and spread my ashes there.

Great.

I don't want to kill you, bitch, because if I kill you, then we're stuck with you forever.

Make you a martyr.

Hey, man, that's not cool.

You don't want me to be martyrized in prank call lore?

Not yet.

Not yet?

You're still young, motherfucker.

Shit.

It's not time yet.

You're in your first decade.

It's not time yet.

Look, man.

That's a...

Oh, man.

All right, listen, bird-ass nigga.

I'm doing another call.

I'm not feeding this shit.

I'll be like,

All right, all right, all right.

All right, that call keeps going straight to voicemail.

I'm going to try that Mustang one more time.

Milkman, hang on.

Calm down, buddy.

Don't talk over there.

Is that an English call?

English numbers?

British?

No, usually.

I've been really striking out with wankers, man.

I can get them really quick here using Dashie's tool.

But I really strike out.

Old ones that we've had fun with, not recent old ones, but old ones.

I mean, I'll call them.

I like to save those for when I've got some help here later on.

Which we're going to be taking a break at 10 p.m. Eastern.

That's the way it's going to go.

Our help is needing help right now.

I'd like to watch.

We can have a couple calls, and that would be fun.

Paul has been forwarded to an office.

Man, I love the part of the show when the phone rings.

Just a moment, please.

Great, now I'm going to have the Voxox problem.

Come on, Voxox, don't do this to me.

Not now.

We got to give it a second.

Hang on.

It usually shakes us off after a little bit.

Let me play a little bit of the song.

I'll be right back.

Are you able to hear me?

Yes, I can hear you.

My number is Hawkins County Gas.

Hawkins County Gas.

Milkman, you can get a job over there.

Wow, I don't know what that was.

Sniffing farts.

I know, man.

He was sniffing farts, that's for sure.

My wife's telling me that there's drama going on here at the apartment complex.

Someone is getting their car towed for not having a parking pass.

They're a visitor, and there's people arguing in the parking lot,

and the guy's like, fuck it, I'm going to tow it anyway.

Is it on the hook?

Is it already on the hook?

I don't know.

I should go check it out, but I'm doing a show.

Once it's on the hook, you're fucked.

Not necessarily.

It's up to the driver, you know, but usually, yeah, they're making a...

Once they got you on the hook, dude, it's like they don't have to give you your car back.

You're right.

It's up to the driver.

But once it's on the hook, legally, they got you.

Really?

They just got you.

They got you.

They got him.

Well, that means they're going to take it, and you're going to have to pay.

That's what I mean by got you.

Oh.

the thing is

don't forget it on the hook

I was watching

cops once and they were

there was a cop

showed up at the scene of a car

being towed and the cop

sided with the tow truck guy

he was like yeah he's got a right to take it

and he was like yeah I'm charging her

a nuisance fee for yelling at me

she's gonna get an extra $50

fee or something like that

a fee for being an asshole

i think that's something that was like patented on the madhouse originally i think people like

caught on to our technique mom you know i don't think yeah but yeah the deuce and the complaint

be clear back from the pizza days right yeah dude i want to i want to go see this now shit

all right let me play this i just i gotta see it before it's gone forever all right i'll be right

I'll play a prank, all right, Milkman?

How's that sound?

All right, all right, man, don't be...

Here's Richie Randall.

Shut up, Brecklude, you fucking asshole, you fucking drug addict.

Hey, Milkman, I'm back.

Guess what?

The guy let him go, it looks like.

He drove away.

Oh, Milkman, you're not here?

Oh, shit.

Of course he dropped, of course.

Of course.

Hey.

Yo.

I lost you, man.

Yeah, okay.

Well, you didn't miss anything.

Remember?

Ricky was doing his call, and then it dropped, man.

So, okay, report back, man.

They let it go.

So you just got out there.

They let it go.

Yeah, the driver was nice, I guess.

The tow truck guy, he let it go.

Let it go.

I'll be darned.

I'll be darned, too, because I don't expect that to ever happen.

I'm sure he's going to pay for it.

I thought most truck drivers, like, they're pissed off

because they drove there and they wasted gas and time

so they won money.

Well, he's doing paperwork, so I'm presuming they had to pay something.

But he's probably saving the trouble

of having to go down there and pay the full price, probably.

Uh-huh.

But it's bullshit here.

It's getting to be bullshit with the parking.

Especially on Sundays and Saturday nights.

I'm tired of it.

I'd be getting here.

Are you in a gated area?

Is that what's going on?

or are you like

public parking

in the streets

or how is it

like set up there

it's not

it's not gated

but it's a private area

people can't just

park here off the street

it's not part of

the regular street

no no no

no and uh

it sucks for me

because I have a

broken ankle man

it's still healing

I just had a fusion

in my ankle

from an accident

I had it work

and I hate it

when I come home

and you know

especially if I have

to buy groceries

or something

or just having to

to walk far it's a pain in the ass i've already been walking wherever i'm at i'm at the usually

at that point at the level of where my pain threshold is able to get me and uh next thing

i know i'm parking real far away to walk down to my apartment which okay it's a walk whatever

but when i walk when i'm walking down and i pass four or five cars that don't have parking passes

and we have a visitor parking area a number one and b you're allowed to park in those spaces but

You're supposed to be gone by 8 o'clock, and there have been repeated and repeated warnings about that, you know, that they're going to start towing, and I think people just started saying, oh, they'll never tow here.

They'll never tow.

Oh, they are fucking towing now.

Whoa.

Cock-a-bock-a-cock-a.

I'll tow your ass, Mothman.

I'll tow your ass right now.

You'd be sleeping there, looking at your clouds.

I'll be towing your ass.

Hell, dude.

Don't do that to me, man.

I can't afford to tow a job.

Yeah.

All right, we got someone in need of a wheel of a Hyundai Sonata.

That's a good car, Milkman.

I'll tell you what.

Really?

Have you driven one?

No, sir.

Are those the big ones or are they the little ones?

They're Korean vehicles, right?

I think Hyundai is, yeah.

They're little beaters, yeah.

I think the Sonata is kind of like the Camry-sized one, isn't it?

It's the bigger one, yeah.

They're budget cars.

Yeah, but they're the third biggest in that line.

like the camry or the accord the ultima for nissan i believe yeah you're looking for a

sonata wheel what size you need i don't know why you didn't put the size in there

stupid 16 yeah 195 65 what do you need 25 i keep memories like 225

five or six yeah but you could put you could put the 195 on there if you want

I just need the rim, whatever I want.

You need the goddamn rim?

Oh, you just need the fucking rim.

Yeah.

Oh, how did you lose it?

What did you do?

Did you...

Oh, I didn't.

We didn't come with one.

I didn't have one with me.

Why?

Why would you do something stupid like that?

Well, I didn't.

It's a dummy tire.

I don't want a dummy tire.

I want a regular wheel.

You didn't want...

Oh, okay.

Did you think about putting a block on it?

Huh?

Did you think about trying out a block or a triangle instead?

What are you talking about, man?

We can put a triangle on it if you want.

yeah yeah it'll still go pretty fast with a triangle yeah i bet it would yeah because at

least you have three angles there you know you need to have at least three you have to have at

least three angles i'd rather have a round one yeah you want a round motherfucker right you like

yeah yeah yeah well what about trying uh we can put triangles on it come on i gotta go man i'm

busy come on man i'll suck your dick i'll suck your dick

Suck your dick.

I'll try them again.

Triangles.

I don't have many ideas tonight, right?

Peter second.

You're going to give up Peter second.

Oh, hell.

That sounds pretty nasty.

I'm going to suck at this show until 10 o'clock

the usual starting time probably

but yes if you're just tuning in and you're confused

yes the show started at

8pm eastern 5pm pacific tonight

and I'm looking at possibly making that a permanent

change just to help more people

tune into the show hey honey how are you

I've got a wheel here a Hyundai

Sonata wheel hello

yeah he already knows it's me

um anyway

you don't want the triangle model

no

madhouselive.com

madhouse live.com is my homepage and this show's homepage you can also please be sure to go to

prank call nation.com i would greatly appreciate that subscribe to the podcast there and check us

out we have a show pretty much every day every night every day we got three new shows joining

the network i'll make that announcement after 10 p.m i think um i think we already announced one of

them last night anyway, though. Cat's out of the bag

with one of them. The other two are still

surprises. Yay!

Wow. Yay!

Okay. Yay.

Here's someone in need of a cheap dependable car.

A triangle car.

Winston, man. Yabba-dabba-doo.

Alright, here's someone looking for a beagle

puppy. Yay, beagles.

I want a beagle. Yay! I like

beagles. I want a beagle one day. The wife

I have to keep saying no.

They're too loud.

They bray all the time.

They're always howling.

Any dog bark.

Fine, man.

She's stupid.

She wants an Irish Wolfhound, which is fucking bigger than a Great Dane.

Oh, my God.

You're talking about 100 pounds of food a month.

That motherfucker's put 30 pounds of food a month.

Irish Wolfhounds are the biggest breed of dog, yes.

Bigger than a Great Dane.

They're a small horse.

Horse.

They put more food than a human, man.

I'm serious.

100 pounds of food or more.

4, 2, 3, 2, 9, 3.

okay we got it we got it we got it everybody don't forget i am over at tiny chat tiny chat.com

slash prank call nation where i was and i got booted out there on accident i think i did it

myself but i'm back in there now i just noticed yeah we got weeping angels perverted abused cat

on camera wow but yes everyone i'm here tiny chat.com slash prank call nation where you control

troll us on video hey weeping angel thumbs up yeah all right clear it away that's enough thumb

okay no trigger finger either please all right well

let's get in this next call of the night

i'm gonna need some numbers pretty soon you want to do some wankers

milkman you said let's do it yeah man let's do a few wankers i think it'll be fun

Wackers are what we call, you know, the UK, the older UK people.

I have a rich history of calling the UK on this show.

This is a little earlier than we normally call them.

We'll see what benefit that may beget.

We're calling Taylors right now.

A Taylor, a Taylor.

You need a Taylor, Milkman?

Ah, yeah, man.

Come on here, man.

Taylor.

Bum, bum.

No, I like Taylors, man.

That's the best.

That's got a guitar.

Yeah?

You think so?

Yeah.

That's what I am.

Taylor, baby.

Taylor.

Only Taylor.

Who are they named after?

Not only, but it's the best.

Best acoustic guitars in the world, man.

Who are they named after?

The owner.

Mr. Taylor.

Chuck Taylor, the guy that did Converse.

Bob Taylor.

No, Bob Taylor.

Come on, Beagles.

I mean, not Beagles.

UK.

Next one.

Welcome to BT Onsla 1571.

Next.

I didn't.

Wanky, wanky, wanky.

Wake up, you wank.

I need to know what time it is.

Maybe it's too early for wankers.

Maybe they're in a dead sleep.

It's, uh, time is 14, 2 a.m., 2.35 a.m.

That's probably when they're warming up their milk.

They're warming up their milk right now.

It's 2.35, dude.

They're out.

Yeah, I guess Johnny Carson just went off over there.

Well, that one picked up and hung up.

That's a sign.

Let's try it again.

All right.

We do have some life signs.

Got some life.

Yeah.

What happened to Trainwreck?

Got a girlfriend.

Hello?

Trainwreck got a girlfriend and stopped doing shows.

Oh, I see.

if he comes back around, but for now he's

I guess retired

or just getting it in.

Okay, that's fair.

He's a smart guy, man.

He's got some priority action going.

I just wonder, I hadn't heard from him for a while

and I wonder what happened to him.

We've got numbers from Mistress Morgana.

Mistress Morgana Morgana.

Sexy Morgana.

Hello, your call cannot be taken at the moment,

so please leave.

Alright, I'll copy them as numbers.

I forget we've got an enter

their anniversary show coming in on july 16th and i need assistance trying to line up the guests

for that show got a whole list of people some of them that are gonna have to probably be tracked

down a little bit using some social engineering or just private investigation skills if you think

you can help me out send me an email madhouse radio at gmail.com subject line anniversary show

help and i'll uh get back to you vet you and see if you're interested in that we do have one last

position available. For that

show's Madhouse

Trivia Contest, and if you're

interested in that, send me an email.

Same address, madhouseradio

at gmail.com. With the subject

line Trivia Contestant.

Or Trivia Contest. Either one.

Either should work. There you go.

Also, what do you think of the possibilities

of having Nunu come on

as a paid appearance? That would be

possible, yeah. We gotta see how much money he'd

take. He's in the chat room now,

guys. Ask him. How much money for him to

There's an offerable sum, just starting from my poor ass,

but I do like Nunu, and he's been around since the beginning of the show,

and I've known Nunu even before I know D'Armano.

It would be very, very much fun after knowing him for, what, 13 years,

if he would actually come on and say hello in his real voice, man.

Even if you say, Milkman, you bloody wanker.

I don't give a fuck what he says, man.

I want to pay him to come on, man.

And I want you to come on and be a part of the show.

Okay.

All right, man.

I feel you.

We'll try to do that, man.

I think it could happen.

It's up to you, brother.

Don't be an idiot.

Everybody has a price.

Everybody has a price, like the Million Dollar Man said, you know?

All right.

These numbers from Morgan.

I'm looking now.

We got.

Okay.

All right.

We're calling Cactus Jack.

That's his real name.

Isn't Cactus Jack a wrestler?

That, I think, is a, yeah.

Maybe it is a wrestler.

You know, MSP3 play.

He is a wrestler

He's also mankind

He's also dude love

He's also like

Doctor Who

He's like expert on that too

He's like

Hello

Yeah hi

Can I speak with Jack

I'm sorry you have the wrong number

Is Cactus Jack there

Man

That's why

Is it the real wrestler

Should have told me

I would have

Tried to remember his real name

Uh oh

That was Mick Foley

Dude

So what

He would have told me

A friend of his

Mick Foley

I don't remember his name

If he told me it was really him

I would have tried to

Because the minute

I saw her cactus

I was like

Nope see ya bye

Don't know him.

Because he's McFoley.

All right, you gotta, like, identify the true names

whenever you send numbers in the air, Mano.

Hello?

Yeah, hi, is this Black Lady?

Um, who is this?

Oh, I'm looking for a Black Lady.

I'm sorry, you have the wrong number.

You put on Twitter to call you.

I don't think so.

Yeah, you did.

You put your phone number on Twitter.

You said you needed to be called.

Uh, don't think so, but sorry.

Do you need some kind of sexual favors?

What's up with that?

sexual favors we got a james negro hello yeah hi um can you do a massage with oil or powder

either one no please massage my ass oh come on i need a massage on my labrum milkman my labrum

okay you do that for me i don't know about that dude my labrum you know my labrum it doesn't

sound too doesn't sound too nice my torn labrum well if you have a stretched labrum you know you

can get like a you know lipectomy and get your lips trimmed a little bit oh yeah we're sorry

your call could not be completed error code 480 they can make what they call that is like what

beef curtain trimming yeah they can they can make some really pretty pussies now man it's true

i do amazing stuff well you know like what's cool is like you know when they trim it like like like

like put a serrated edge on it you know make it look like a flower all kinds of stuff yeah

make it look like alligator mouth yeah you can be like shark mouth

yeah you're sorry bitch okay here's the next number of the night

are you driving again oh man i don't know dude maybe you should call me you call me if you

you drop again i'll call you you like chopping like and i got like like five bars here are you

multitasking no i'm not doing the same thing i'm looking straight at the screen are you smoking

adobe in your car no what if a customer comes out if a taxi customer comes out to you and you tell

him to fuck off fuck you if i was outside the car probably wouldn't say anything but if i was in the

car dude that's not good you can get in trouble for that shit hey there's a fall in the chat room

milkman remember the fall we're sorry remember fall back in the day speaking old list fall yeah

fall oh folly mcfall you mean folly mcfall that's my sister i don't know if that's that fall but

yeah the dad's ex love interest if that's folly mcfall hi sis see it's a good thing we're doing

a show a show early tonight we're gonna keep doing this what do you mean huh curling

didn't respond to anything no we're sorry god damn just nothing let me double check my caller

make sure it doesn't look like shit shit are you able to do a jack masterson call

sometimes like you got any like restaurant numbers anymore anything for you buddy and

i can get a restaurant here i'm sure sure man yeah man i mean every once in a while dude like

you know your classics dude i mean there no one can do them better than you everybody can try and

imitate it but no one can do them better it's a fact oh you're the best man yeah you are the best

man that's why you're there mono man you're the star baby wait a second i got a mouse problem here

a mouse sharing problem oh that's what i was gonna ask you speaking of mouse how is the cat

how's our buddy davi davi he's fine nothing wrong with davi or i think i got the mouse corrected

here davi cat i think he's got a little illness yeah i hadn't had a report on him lately no he's

been okay he had an illness like uh two months ago one month one and a half ago but yeah he's

He's been okay, as far as I know.

Pretty.

He looks okay.

He had his butt shaved in the process because he had to have a medical procedure done.

But the butt hair grew back just fine.

There you go.

The studio cat had a shaved butt.

He's a lazy motherfucker, though, Milkman, I swear.

He is a one lazy fucking cat.

Oh, my God.

Old stud father, he's got it made, dude.

He don't got to do shit.

Yeah.

Yeah, I got you.

All right.

So these are curling club members.

I'm guessing the sport of curling where you throw the bowler.

There's a bowler or something.

And you throw the thing on the ice.

A sweeper and a bowler, right?

Is that how it works?

We're sorry.

Sweeper.

I think that's what they are.

I've never been able to figure out that sport.

because i guess sometimes you want it to go a certain length sometimes you don't

right i think it's kind of like shuffleboard but on ice yeah what it is when you start

right when you start sweeping in front of it you can change the way depending on how you sweep you

can change the way the thing's curling like it'll start going from a straight line into a turn

like you're melting the ice right aren't you supposed to be melting the ice with the friction

the friction right you're using to reduce the friction at the surface of the ice right there

immediately you're actually melting the surface of the ice so it's wet right there on that spot

just before the thing slides over so it slides a little further so it's still a little bit wet

okay okay and it's a really heavy thing to throw i'm guessing right they do it really slow too

530 pounds or like 25 30 pounds they're on that level they're pretty heavy and it does look kind

of like the way they let it go it is kind of like slow motion bowling isn't it almost like

Like, slow motion bowling on ice.

It's really slow.

You're able to control it, but at the weight of a bowling ball or higher.

Yeah.

You know, I really want to try to get into that.

At least learn, motherfucker.

I'm sure there's YouTube videos I can watch that watch me.

You know what?

I was in the mood.

Dude, this is crazy.

You're going to think I'm crazy, but the other day I was in the mood for two things on TV.

Two odd sports.

And you don't see these on TV anymore as far as I know.

No, when I was a kid, every once in a while on ABC after Saturday morning cartoons,

bowling, the pro bowling circuit would come on.

I used to kind of dug watching it.

Yeah, watching the bowling on TV was always cool.

You don't see that anymore.

And the other thing is you used to be able, on ESPN,

you used to be able to watch professional billiards,

professional eight ball and pool playing and stuff like that.

Oh, I never got ESPN.

Yeah, it was always really cool.

I remember the pool games.

They always used to have like Fats, the Fats guy, Montana Fats or Minnesota Fats and Minnesota Fats.

They don't share that.

Now they replace that shit with a lot of them with like that poker shit, that Texas Hold'em shit.

Texas Hold'em, yeah.

I never got super into the Texas Hold'em.

Yeah, poker stuff takes place with that kind of stuff.

Yeah, the problem, well, they're saying in the chat room that you can still see both on ESPN.

ESPN 2 now, apparently, shows.

Yeah, okay.

Well, but they used to show it on, like, ABC and shit like that, right?

You didn't have to have cable.

Yeah, Wild World of Sports.

The biggest fights used to always be the biggest boxing fights.

Like, you know, I mean, look at the...

Do they even have any more Wild World of Sports?

No, I don't...

Well, I think ESPN does it now.

I think ESPN does a Wild World of Sports thing now, I think.

I think that's all that's left.

because you got to remember abc now is not the abc that it was 20 years ago not even 15 years

ago there's no more abc little sports i don't think well i'll tell you this i know that well

you know disney bought abc you know that right that they're the owners of abc um and yeah i know

it's by g or was no abc is owned by disney corporation and in florida they have the wild

Wild World of Sports Sporting Complex.

They've got a baseball field there that one of the pro teams,

I forget which one, does their spring training at,

and they do a lot of local sporting events.

I think it's Wide World.

Wide World of Sports.

Not Wild, yeah, Wide.

But I know the name still exists at that facility,

and I think ESPN does Wild World of Sports kind of still.

I don't know, Chatron could tell you.

but yeah ESPN

find that

intro for what was it the thrill

of victory and the agony of defeat

the guy wipes out on the skis

remember that

yeah

they still

they still play that for

NFL games on ABC

wide world of sports

the NFL games on ABC

still have that song before they go to

commercial breaks and stuff

oh that's cool

Yeah, I've heard that.

Remember they used to have the Solzhenitsyn, the old Russian dude, like the old weightlifter, man, the old heavy-duty weightlifter, and they used to throw him on there, too.

They showed all that cool shit.

And old TV, bro.

Well, yeah.

I'm going to look on YouTube, see if I can find some old-fashioned bowling to watch.

That'll be fun.

Yeah.

Second issue, if you can find the intro to that wide world of sports, man, that right there is epic, man.

I mean, that right there is totally epic.

I'm sure it's on YouTube, sir.

I'll find it.

Well, let me see.

chewing gum this is very good for the air right we got just a few minutes before the break

right now i'm doing your show your your song that you wanted so bad here

spanning the globe to bring you the constant variety of sport

sport. The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. The human drama of athletic competition.

This is ABC's Wide World of Sport. Brought to you by Ford and your local Ford dealer who invites

you to see the 1983 Ford cars and trucks. Have you driven a Ford lately? Buy Midas with over

1,200 Midas muffler and brake drops. Trust the Midas touch for any muffler or brake work you need

On your American or imported car and by Honda portable generators for camping hunting boating even charging your car battery

Yeah, motherfucker. Are you happy now?

What's up everyone in tiny chat don't forget we're in tiny chat three still play

tinychat.com

slash prank call nation

green bee

the green beaners

in there right now

so stone cold

where's glassy stone

and the others

are in there

yeah

classic sports

and tv different

man so cool

man I love the way

they did all the old

shit like

all the old fan fairs

and stuff

yeah

you know

the fan fairs

before cartoons

would come on

at 8pm

the prime time

cartoon shows

special

what are they called

send her like a real person i'm trying to get one more answer before we go to break here

this be a circle k

hey buddy how you doing i'm calling from the corporate office my name is crown

um can we need to go ahead and do a check of your breakers please

check of my breakers yeah your power breakers do you know where they're located uh well they're

We're located outside, and since I'm alone, I cannot go there.

No, not those breakers.

You should have the panel inside, the individual panel.

Oh, the panel inside?

Yeah.

This is phone reach there.

Okay.

I need you to cycle the left-hand side of them, please.

Cycle them off and then cycle them back on.

And I need to watch from here to watch your connection come back up, please.

I can't do that.

Maybe you could try it on a day when there's...

Your location has a generator, sir.

There's a generator on the roof.

You won't have any interruption at all.

Well, I mean, if anything, there'll be like a less than a second blip, but it's...

Yeah, I know, but...

No, it keeps...

I'll go in the back room to get to the panel.

Man, how many customers do you have?

All right, well, can you see...

Well, while I wait, while you take care of them, I can do a customer survey.

They'll get a $40 Circle K gift card in the mail for completing a three-minute phone survey.

Five questions, three minutes.

Well, now's the time.

You have customers.

You have five customers there.

Just, you know?

No, no, she can't get it.

No, tell her no.

No. No, no. She's interrupting.

No. Tell her to shut up.

Put her on the phone.

Put the customer on the phone. I'll tell her.

No. No, Milkman. No answer on the phone.

No customer on the phone right there.

Let's do one more.

Let's try for one more.

Come on, man.

Throw me a call. Come on. Throw me a call.

Throw me a call, bone.

Here's another Dunkin' Donuts.

We've got to come up on the hard break now. This is bad.

Hello, Thomas. Can I help you?

Yeah, I'd like to make an order.

order. One donut. One donut. One donut? Okay. A sweet donut. What kind of donut? Uh, sweet.

Donuts are sweet. Uh, it should be fried and baked with sugar. Mm-hmm. Flour. All right.

Yeah. I need one coffee. Yeah. I don't want you to be putting any of that shit in it,

motherfucker. You keep it clean. You wear gloves. All right. I'm ignorant. Anything

else? No, that's it. Can I get a total? Good day. All right, shove it up your ass. Bye.

All right, that was stupid. I was up on a hard break, so I had no choice. We'll be

When we come back, we'll have more prank calls.

Milkman, are you staying after the break?

What's going on?

Milkman!

Milkman, we're going on break.

Don't go anywhere, Milkman.

Did you hear me?

Yeah.

Are you going to be here after the break?

You know what?

I got to go to work, you know?

All right.

Well, have a good night.

Are you going to call me at the end?

Yeah, I'll call you.

Can you call me back at the end?

Then I can close it.

But you got to call me, dude.

I'll call you at the end.

All right?

Call me on the phone.

Yeah.

And then I'll come over on Skype again.

Okay, okay, okay.

All right, all right.

Bye.

All right.

I'll be back in about nine minutes, everybody.

No, like eight minutes.

Eight minutes, everybody.

Call Misha.

strength to pull the trigger but try and get up every morning day after day and work for a living

let's see him try that then we'll see who's the real tough guy the working man is a tough guy

good evening everybody it's the second half of madhouse radio for tonight i'm carlita the host

of the show i am joined i believe by dwight mcclanahan and green bee tech man hey guys

Is that Cher you're playing?

Yeah, my favorite Cher song.

You know what I have to say to you, Carlito?

What?

It didn't work.

Do a real show.

Oh.

I've been told that.

Yeah, I've been told that, too.

No, I was going to be a smartass.

I was going to play that music that General did yesterday.

It's not working.

Oh, I laughed so hard at that, man.

I got a copy of it, too, but I don't know where it is at the moment.

Don't make me play.

I'm having serious copy-paste issues with Synergy.

Synergy updated.

their app that's the mouse sharing application that i use um here for the show makes things

really easy as long as it works and it's not working so i'm just going to a backup plan here

i might need you to resend me that list of numbers bro i'm sorry actually no i don't we're good it

didn't make it over here so we are good okay yeah it would have been no problem i gotta save it in

a word document there you go cool man i just rewrite i just write over on every show you

You know what we should be doing?

We should be using Google Docs and shit, man.

Like, you could just, you know, if you're going to...

Compile a big-ass fucking list of numbers.

Yeah, just throw it in there.

Like, for today's number, just put them in there and just send me the link.

Share the link with someone else.

Don't have to worry about the copy-paste.

But hey, man, whatever.

It's all good, baby.

It's all gravy.

Yeah.

Okay, Morgan wants to join, too.

Let me get her on.

I invited her on.

And Perlman said he would join, but his family's around and they're really loud eating chicken right now.

Sorry, I got you.

Stealing shit?

No, I'm kidding.

I can't do that to Pearl, man.

He's a good guy.

He's a good egg.

Where's Lama?

I'm honored Lama to be here.

He's on a roll.

I think he's tugging on his nuts somewhere.

Probably doing something.

It's got a kid, right?

It might be related to that.

Well, Morgan's here.

We already announced it last night, but Morgan, you're starting a show.

You're not going to go at a scheduled time, but you're a PCN host now.

Congratulations.

Welcome to the network.

Yay.

You're approved.

Yay.

I don't think she's mic'd up.

Well, yay.

The same goes for Llama, Llama Liquor.

He might go by something different for his show, but he's going to be doing a show.

He's probably going to have Pearlman and Rene as co-hosts, so he's excited about that.

And the other, I didn't hear back from him regarding joining tonight,

but Gordo has also been extended an offer for a show, and he's working on making that happen.

I think Llama's interested in doing a pre-show.

He's not 100% yet, but he might do your pre-show on Tuesday, Dwight.

That would be cool.

fantastic yeah and um i floated the idea that basically the only other night we really have

prime time is uh monday night um but that's like the worst night of the week uh gordo i told him

about that i don't know how he how how he thought that might work out but he's gonna get back to me

or he might just go on whenever but that's cool so yeah three new fucking shows i'm so excited

we're moving on hey can you hear me yeah what's up i got it to go yeah oh shit

I'm going to fucking murder every last one of y'all.

Murder, murder, murder, murder every last one of y'all.

You're the worst motherfucker, fucker, fucker, fucker, bitch motherfucker.

That was your problem, right?

I didn't need control from your number.

I'm just going to do what it was.

Are you a red, red skin Indian?

I'm going to have a vaccine to kill dirt again.

Make that right, shit.

All right, cool.

All right, listen.

They had a hell of a delay on the program.

I am going to play with the idea of making that a ringtone for myself.

so we'll see.

It should be one of those,

you know,

oh, please listen to the music

while your party is reached.

At the ringback time.

Yeah.

That'd be amazing.

Because you have to know

if it's the person answering

and going,

well, you won't, motherfucker.

Motherfucker.

All right, look,

we got numbers from Dwight

and Mistress Morgan to get to.

We got more curling numbers,

curling club member numbers.

But here's something interesting

that just came in.

the numbers i did earlier the ethics complaint hotlines for corporations were sent by james

parkman off of facebook and he's also sending in now numbers for uh travel truck stops but

specifically pilot travel stations i've never been in a one but i've seen them the big signs

for them and they look dingy as hell from outside that's that's my observation machine i uh actually

installed uh commercial internet and wi-fi for a few of those truck stops oh really ones i was at

weren't very weren't bad okay milkman you're back hey what happened you got you yay yay milkman do

you know you called us milkman i think he butt dialed me uh-oh milkman titty man that luscious

booty of his that big bubble butt he's got i'm sitting in that cab all day actually i think

that makes you get a flat butt so was it nasty the pilot station dwight uh no this one was pretty

Pretty well capped.

Did they have a Starbucks?

Uh, no.

Oh, that sucks.

Yeah, hey, how's the action in the showers today?

The showers?

Yeah, is there any hot action going on tonight?

Uh, one time.

Like regular?

Yeah, just kind of like...

Are any of the regulars there?

What do you mean?

Well, the regular crew that hangs out there on Sunday night.

I'm not sure.

The glory hole crew, you know, the guys.

There's just...

Oh, you didn't know?

I thought you guys, like, were okay with it.

I thought you guys were okay with it.

I didn't know you guys didn't know.

Didn't know what?

Like, we hook up there every once in a while.

Like, every Sunday night, we kind of meet up and hook up.

Some nights are busier than others.

And you do, yeah.

Yeah, but I thought you...

Oh, don't tell him, because I thought you...

At least I thought the staff there knew,

but they kind of just turned a blind eye,

because we pay.

He actually asked.

I was like, what the fuck?

He was like, yeah, how was the action?

He was like, I don't know.

Fine, I guess.

It would have been really funny if he asked,

like, one of the people who just took a shower.

They're coming out.

Hey, how's the action in there?

Morgan, say you're my wife and see if your husband called in.

Okay.

I'm looking for a sec, say, because you're on to me.

Okay.

Or do what you want.

Hello?

Hi there.

Can I ask who this is?

This is Pilot Travel Center.

Oh, Pilot Travel Center.

Okay.

Did my husband happen to call in recently?

I don't know.

Who is he?

Well, he has a very distinct voice.

I would think you'd recognize him.

Did anyone who sort of aroused your sort of suspicions?

He's a little different than the normal type guy, no?

Aw, she hung up.

Why did she hang up?

I don't know, rude.

That was very rude.

It was.

Someone else.

Why don't, yeah, I don't know what her deal was.

I don't know.

She was a bitch.

A cunt canoe.

Milkman.

What makes a cunt a canoe exactly?

I don't know.

It started our Brad show.

It started with douche canoe.

I remember that.

And then I...

Hello?

Oh, hi there.

I'm just wondering, did you guys get a call from kind of a strange guy like a little bit ago?

Talking about showers?

I don't know.

Was he talking about showers?

I'm like...

I found this number.

I have like a sort of keylogger thing on my husband's phone,

and I just got sort of pinged that he just called this number,

and I was wondering what he was calling about.

Yeah, dude.

Don't call me dude.

What was he calling about?

I want to know.

No. Don't worry about offending me. I want to fucking know.

I just told you, I'm his wife.

Oh, yeah.

Soon to be ex-wife, if it fucking keeps going on like this.

But tell me, I just want to know, tell me, what did he ask you about?

Uh, one second, let's see if I could...

Hurry the fuck up.

I don't have all day.

Should I take it in the office or something like that?

Should I take it in the office?

Please, take it to wherever you can explain what the fuck is going on to me.

Alright, one second.

Thank you.

Yeah, I don't know.

A trucker or something like that?

Yeah, something like that.

Let's just say.

Yeah, and he called in here on Sunday asking about showers.

We're still in regular showers.

He was asking about showers?

What kind of showers?

I don't know.

He wanted to bang up with guys or something like that.

With guys?

Yeah, he said he wanted to be up there for a glory hole.

I don't really know what that means.

What the fuck is a glory hole?

Ma'am, you're going to have to read this.

Hold on, hold on.

I'm going to fucking Google it.

This is ridiculous.

He was talking about showers with guys.

Yeah, he said him and a group of guys would be up there every Sunday.

Fucking God, wow.

I knew that he had fucked chicks in the past.

like dirty fucking whores at the truck stop but wow this is all new to me glory hole let's see

what the hell is a glory hole you don't know what a glory hole is it doesn't sound very spanish to

me i don't know a glory hole okay so apparently a glory hole is a hole in the wall where a man

will stick his genitalia through and get it sucked or inserted anally into usually a man on

the other side are you fucking kidding me do you have those filthy things at your at your

establishment? What did you tell him? Unfortunately not. Holy fucking shit. Wow. So you guys don't

have glory holes, so you're not expecting him? Did he say he was coming in? Listen, listen,

don't get attitude with me. Do you understand what I'm fucking dealing with right now? Don't

fucking get attitude. You already called me dude. I can't tell if this is a prank call

Well, I just fucking told you that, do you know what a keylogger is?

It's like the equivalent of a keylogger for a phone.

It's basically like a child tracing app so that anything he calls and anything he texts,

I get it directly on my phone because I'm tracking his ass

and it's all going to be evidence for the fucking divorce proceedings.

Makes sense.

Yeah, yeah, well, I'm close enough.

enough. Do you think, would you be willing to, like, go in on, like, a little fucking

sting operation with me? To bust his fucking cheating ass? What do you think? Help a woman

out here. Help a woman out. My name's Kendra. And what's the guy's name? His name's Cross,

but he goes by many aliases. What did he tell you his name was? I didn't know. Yeah. Well,

would you be willing to do something like that? I mean, I paid for that, so. Well, what

if I pay you for it? I can't, ma'am. It wouldn't be right. What do you mean, wouldn't

to be right. Are you a Christian or something? No, I'm nothing like that. Okay, so then don't

worry about it. There's no God that's going to strike you dead for doing this. You're

helping me out. What if I pay you $50 to help me out? What do you want me to do? Well, do

you have like, you know, kind of gay dudes that hang around there? Is it like a, is it

a hot spot for that kind of behavior? Ma'am, to be honest, I don't leave the truck, so

I mean, I... Oh, so you're just going to plead ignorance. Okay. Well, what I would

Actually, the bathrooms are being remodeled, and our showers are all going to burst.

Well, I basically want to be, I'm going to hide in the men's bathroom stall while he's in there with one of those fucking loose dudes, whoever, whatever he's doing in there.

And then I'm going to come out, and I'm going to bust his ass.

So all I need from you is just to basically, it's really nothing,

just turn a blind eye to me walking into the guy's washroom, essentially.

And I'll be ready for him.

Don't worry, I'll take care of him myself.

You'll be none the wiser.

Deal.

Okay, perfect, perfect.

All right, so I'll figure out from his phone exactly when he's going to be there.

You'll know me.

I have bright red hair, big tits, 5'2", very short.

You'll notice me, but just pretend you didn't notice me.

Got it?

Yep.

Okay, the red bird flies at midnight.

I'll see you later.

Alright, thank you.

Thank you.

I didn't know where to go with that.

He fucking narfed me.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Baz.

Yay, the red bird.

We earned Baz and Pearlman.

I thought I dropped Llama in here.

Llama says he can't get in here for some reason.

Maybe you need to re-add him.

Alright, let me do that.

Fucking Skype machines.

yeah here buddy what's up man all right it's working now all right we got you

hey i'm gonna hover in and out of this thing here while i'm working man yeah i'll be passing

in and out and mute yeah so how you doing milkman do what you need to do

good to hear you brother man hey man i'm doing well bro man things couldn't be much better man

but anyway all for the lies anyway but no good to hear from you man

All right, shall we continue?

You guys want to call?

Many of you want to call.

We got a bunch of those truck stops.

We got tons of numbers right now.

Let's make a prank call.

Yeah, let's do it.

How about a truck stop?

I'll do a truck stop.

Yeah, no problem.

Again, thanks to Parkman for sending these in.

This one is in Oak Grove, Kentucky.

Oh, great.

A town very famous for its Oak Grove, where Jesus was tempted by Satan.

Yeah, you're doing...

I'm outside in my rig here.

and i got a little bit of a problem uh you guys uh you're being overrun with some lot lizards i

think here with some lot lizards yeah they're i'm sitting here i'm trying to enjoy a coffee and

they're just banging on my goddamn door all right what part of the lot are you on i'm in the i'm in

the far part because i didn't want to be disturbed while i'm just doing my business and they're just

sitting there and they're sitting they're offering two for ones and i have no idea what the hell is

going on one of them is actually wearing a uniform they're what one of them's wearing a pilot truck

stop uniform wearing a pilot truck stop uniform yeah all right so is it like is this something

your employees do on lunch breaks or what no um what what else is like because all my employees

are in this well it's a female she got kind of i don't know it's kind of ratty here we're probably

probably not taken care of very well uh from the from the truck she's like uh like five five at the

most okay i don't know probably about 160 pounds okay um back corner you said yeah yeah is this

like the am i in the wrong place like is that where they hybrid no that is not something that's

acceptable here i'm gonna make sure that i get out there and get that okay i want to come in and

take a shower but i'm kind of scared you know just to make the trip inside okay yeah i'll make

make sure that that's taken care of i do apologize sir you you haven't had any rapes or anything

happen here have you no sir not that i'm aware of okay well how much of the shower how much is

the shower they're twelve dollars twelve dollars uh okay so if i come and give you 24 what are

the chances that you go with me in the shower and we have our own little slippery time that's

never gonna happen why not are you married have a good night sir don't don't leave me all horny

I'm just going to jerk my cum crayon.

Yeah, private foam party.

Foam, baby.

Fun, fun, man, fun.

The Mott Lizards, they run rampant.

I got one in Scottsvilles, Kentucky.

Scottsvilles, Scottsville, anybody, anybody.

Show him.

I'll talk to him.

Do it, Lermer.

Thanks for calling, Kyle.

Reporting on, this is Heather.

How may I help you?

Oh, shit, Heather, I need your help, sweetie.

I'm out here in the porking lot back here in my big rig.

I got this big red Peterbilt.

There's a goddamn dog out here at the door.

Looks like some sort of German shepherd.

He's barking and snarling.

I can't get out of my rig here.

What do I do?

He's got a German shepherd out there barking and snarling at his truck.

He's on a leash.

He looks like he may have got loose from somebody there.

Well, call the police and have them come out there.

Where are you at?

Don't call the police.

I see the owner.

He's right over there.

The owner is right here.

He's walking towards the truck.

I just need maybe somebody to come out, and I'm just kind of scared here.

It's all right.

You don't need to call the police.

Good grief.

Well, if he's barking and snarling, he's not on a leash,

then we need to let the authorities know about it.

He's on a leash.

the guy's coming to get him right now actually it's a lady i can't tell it's a lady or a guy

it's hard to tell some of these guys you know he's running up to the he's running up to the

truck right now do you see him okay she's wearing a bright pink shirt okay if you could just ask her

to get her dog but no need to call the the police those guys are busy you know okay can you just

send maintenance out here maybe get that lady in the pink shirt to come get her damn dog please

Well, if the dog is barking and snarling at you, I'm not going to send one of my employees out there to get it.

Well, it's not barking and snarling.

I may have exaggerated a little bit.

You know what?

I'm going to be honest with you.

I'm mad.

The dog fucking took a shit right outside the truck, and I stepped in it.

It's actually a sweet dog.

I just don't like this fucking dog.

I'm pissed on my tire, and I'm pissed off about it.

It's actually a sweet pup.

You want me to take care of the dog myself?

I mean, it'd be a shame if she were on hold, you see.

I heard a beep beep.

I should do one of these and Peck Peck

comes loose fucking chickens pecking at me.

What?

Whoa.

Here, Peck Peck.

You guys want Peck Peck?

Whoa, come on.

Just because of a little Peck Peck?

There we go. Probably shouldn't have said bark and snarling.

Oh, well. I'll call back. Don't worry.

Don't you worry. We'll take care of this.

Oh, shit. Sorry.

I'm watching the game and I was unmuted.

Oh, what?

What's the score?

79-72 Cavaliers.

There's five minutes left in the fourth.

Low scoring game.

Thank you for calling pilot.

Ma'am, the dog just took another piss on the back tire.

I mean, what are we going to do about this?

I'm going to call the police department.

Jesus Christ, why would you call the police over a fucking dog?

That's silly.

I'm just going to take the dog with me.

I'm not coming out there.

What's your company?

I'm taking the dog and I'm leaving.

That's good.

All right.

All right, bye-bye.

You should have said something.

and the reason that the dog's snarling at me

is because I just fucked it.

I was going to try to break in in the background

and say we should just shoot the damn thing.

We should do a chicken the next time.

I'll do it.

All right, here's a...

These are Love's Travel Stops,

which are basically the same thing.

What is it?

Love's Travel Stops, same thing.

A chain of corporate travel stations,

travel stops for truckers, showers, and stuff.

Can I talk?

Yeah, man.

That's the one I put the wifi

I made a mistake it wasn't travel

It was the Love's Truck Stop

They had the Hardee's in there and it's pretty good

All you need is love

Man I could go for some Bojangles right now

They're building a brand new one

I wish we had them here

We got our first Chick-fil-A

No I'm not a fan

I've never liked Chick-fil-A

I've actually never been there

Because the damn

And they actually have to have cops there every day to direct the traffic into the damn lot.

Are you kidding me for Chick-fil-A?

It's just ridiculous.

It's like Orlando got its first Trader Joe's not long ago, and it was like that, too.

It was insane, yeah.

Shit.

It pissed me off because I had to take a different route home now because it's still fucking the traffic up.

Just for the Chick-fil-A, man.

Yeah, it's stupid.

And then across the street, there's a gas station.

They have big reader boards saying, no Chick-fil-A parking.

because people are parking there in the gas station lot

and running across to try to get their food at the stand.

That's ridiculous.

It is not that good.

Their breakfast chicken sandwich is the only thing I like there, to be honest.

I don't like the seasoning.

It's a little dry to me.

I don't like chicken for breakfast.

No, no.

They do chicken and sausage breakfast.

Oh, they have sausage.

Okay.

That would be awesome.

Just for breakfast.

Just for breakfast, yeah.

But it's whack.

Now, they do have, if you're a diabetic like me,

they do have Diet Dr. Pepper.

They were one of the first.

Really?

They used to do that back in 2000.

They had Diet Dr. Pepper.

That was unheard of back then.

You need to get some of that.

Yeah, man.

I would stop there just for the Diet Dr. Pepper.

I'm not a diabetic, but I got high sugar.

Glycemic, high glycemic.

Diet Dr. Pepper is the bomb.

So I watch my sugar.

You like that Cherry Diet Dr. Pepper milk, Ben?

You ever have that?

Cherry Diet Dr. Pepper.

I've not had Cherry Diet Dr. Pepper.

With the regular Diet Dr. Pepper, it's pretty darn close.

man it's a good substitute get that cherry one too the chair is even more yeah i'll look for it

man now you ever said you switched me to coke zero i tried the other one sprite zero i really

am a big fan coke zero is the way to go for diet i can't do diet coke or diet pepsi it's

gotta be coke zero now man no doubt all right uh blah blah blah it's baz's call baz here you go

a little travel stop, right?

Be excite.

I'm a new truck driver.

Hola,

Pazito.

Peck, peck,

snot grass.

Snot grass.

I think Matt's right.

I think they do have

cherry flavor

in the Dr. Pepper recipe.

People calling

Love's Travel Stop.

Home of clean places

and friendly faces.

To ensure you reach the correct person, please choose from the following options.

Press 1 for the retail store or fuel desk.

Press 2 for the love's time.

Your call is very important.

Please continue to hold.

That's a Texas thing, right?

Dr. Pepper's out of there.

It's really big out there.

Jack in the Box actually offers to diet Dr. Pepper in the fountain drinks, man.

It's great.

Take the second and run upstairs.

I'm sorry.

I'm going to help you.

He's coming.

Hello?

Yeah.

Hi.

Yeah.

Yeah, I was calling to see what's going on in the bathroom over there today, the showers.

What do you mean?

Well, how's the action?

Is there any hot action going on before I head out there?

Because if not, I'll just wait for the next exit and get off there.

Hello?

No, the showers haven't been too busy.

Yeah, because, I mean, you guys are one of the highest rated on gropedope.com for the glory hole action,

trucker glory hole action in your showers.

It's really high.

But I haven't seen any posts on here for, like, two months.

so I don't know if there was a raid recently

or something, you know.

What happened to Baz?

I think Baz was like, we're getting...

Rogue dope, that's amazing.

Because wife heard him say peck peck.

Oh, was it? Probably.

I just heard him go,

what the...

Oh, look, there you go.

His wife's naked.

His wife's mad?

No peck peck, snot grass, what happened?

He goes, oh, you guys want some peck peck?

And then he started playing the chicken song.

his wife was probably standing right behind him like who the fuck are you talking to and then of

course baz was like it's jake from state farm uh okay no baz's wife said he's gotta get to work so

all right baz no problem don't get in trouble i know my wife does too it's laundry time yeah i

had my door open i'm surprised my wife hasn't told me to shut the fuck up or close the door

but it's talking to wives hey i know but it gets too hot in here the door's closed gotta take back

control i can't it's gone it'll get a portable ac put that in your fucking room it's an apartment

it's mistress morgan telling you to take back control from your wife come on now it's an

apartment i would dwight but when i get a house fuck you i'm gonna get the window shaker and

everything and then oh no no like uh i get it's a portable one you just you just uh scoot it around

it has wheels oh and you just put a little yeah you put a little vent to the window uh yeah really

That's good.

it wherever you

like they're like they're like 250 300 bucks but they're fucking worth it when uh you get those

those rooms that just get hot as shit oh yeah you can get them at like homo depot right yeah you can

get them without a vent too yeah well yeah it's it's a small room with three pcs uh four monitors

and iterate you know and if i turn any light so i was thinking of getting led lights instead of

these ones that i got the not the incandescent whatever the newer ones are the fluorescent ones

that i got but they do still give us that yeah they do give off a little bit of heat but i know

no led leaves pretty much no heat and they last even longer and they have a nicer color i think

anyway yeah those ac uh you know we used to leave them in my former apartment we had it in the very

back room and all we would do is turn it on back there and just like put a fan in the uh in the

doorway and it would blow it all the way out to the living room and shit and also the other rooms

it was really nice okay you can get really awesome like they're the shape of like regular light bulbs

except they're led they're color changing and they're speakers and they're all controlled by

By your smartphone.

See, that's what I'm going to get.

Like the Philips Hue ones like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have a few of them.

They're fucking awesome.

Can you program them to go with the music too and shit if you want and stuff?

That's fucking cool.

Yeah.

And it's awesome.

It's all totally controlled from your app.

It's really handy.

Yeah.

Maybe at Zapple's keynote Tuesday, there's a rumor they're going to make another big

push for their HomeKit thing.

Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah, and the rumor is, I mean, they already have,

they created an SDK for mobile home control,

you know, the Internet of Things at home.

And everyone's still waiting for their really big push

where they start getting it put into everyday appliances.

Like your fridge and stuff?

Yeah, like I will never want to.

Or your stove, I guess.

Yeah, no, I will never want to turn on my stove from work.

I'm too scared to do that.

But I would like to know if I left it on, that would be cool.

Yes, that's true.

And be able to turn it off.

Yeah.

That's right.

And then I would also like my fridged track when I'm out of stuff.

So I go to the grocery store, I pull out my phone, and I see what I'm out of and just pick it up.

Well, isn't Amazon doing something like that?

They're doing like a button that you can like put anything.

Yeah, they got little customized buttons you can put next to where you store your stuff so when you run out.

But, I mean, it'd be great if like my fridge could keep track of, you know, milk is out.

You know what I mean?

I'm surprised they don't already do that.

Hell, it'd be cool if it went even further.

and I ordered it all from Amazon and restocked it.

I'm sure it's only a matter of time.

Of course, and I'm going to love it.

I'm going to love it, man.

Yep.

Now, the biggest pain in the ass for me to have to buy on a regular basis,

for me at least, and we'll do a roundtable if you guys want,

is cat litter is the biggest pain in the ass to buy.

See, I get all my cat litter on Amazon.

Really?

Yes, that is one of the few things.

I have it on regular delivery because I need it all the time,

and I don't have a vehicle, and it's way too heavy.

so they deliver it right to my door i've been doing that for like two years now is there free

prime uh delivery delivery i mean then it's worth it yeah see that right there yeah yeah it sucks

a prime one up past 30 bucks because i could easily make up the difference in prime and within

a month now it takes a little longer anyone else anything that's a pain in the ass soda cans

i hate pizza boxes to having to take those to the trash because they're too bad they don't

actually do the pizza recycling box program that rv invented i did think of an invention that would

take any kind of cardboard that you have at home be it a pizza box or a soda cube box or whatever

it is you could throw the cardboard in it and it shreds it for you and bails it for you and you

You can just throw that out.

Hey, Carlito.

Yo, what's up?

You're back.

Sorry, man.

I had to run.

Hey, you can't make cookie dinner.

Oh.

I can't make cookie dinner.

It's going to pop you right now.

You better watch out.

It's like, fucking hell.

I was telling Carlito, you got to take back control from the woman.

Yeah.

Just a little bit.

She's good.

She does a lot.

I know.

So, she made you get your dinner?

Is that what it was?

I volunteered to cook dinner tonight.

Oh, you're so nice.

You volunteered.

I volunteered to fucking order down is what he did.

I heard the air quotes with that, volunteered.

Volunteered.

Yeah.

Do you have time to do a call now or you got to go back?

I do a quick one.

All right.

Here's the next travel place.

We didn't call.

Yeah, we just called one while you left.

We've been talking about cat litter in Amazon.

Thank you for calling Love's Travel Stop, home of clean places and friendly faces.

To ensure you're the correct person, please choose the following option.

Press 1 for the retail store.

Your call is very important.

Please continue to hold.

Where are we at with the game, Dwight?

That's a good idea, Daniel.

Two minutes left.

Wait for the score to come back up.

Every time LeBron gets fouled, they've showed it 65 times.

Hello?

85-82, Cavs.

Hello?

Yes, is this the travel place?

Los Travel Stops, yes, sir.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, my name's David.

I'm a brand-new trucker, and I'm on my first haul,

And I don't know how this works.

I mean, do I, like, drive my truck up to the side of your place and get a room?

Or how does it work?

Oh, no, we don't have any.

I didn't get any training.

I just applied for the job, and they gave me the keys,

and this big-ass truck told me to drive it.

Yeah, we don't have any rooms, for sure.

Do you have any, can I, like, maybe bunk with somebody?

Maybe for a dick suck?

I can maybe, I can suck your dick, man.

Give me a room.

No, I'm good, man.

Kick somebody out, man.

Kick one of them big, burly truckers.

Get the fuck out.

And then we'll go into that room, and then you let me stay in the room free.

How about that?

Yeah, you sound a little hesitant there.

You're thinking about it.

Yeah, you are.

Don't lie.

What?

You got shitty audio quality.

What did you say?

Repeat that.

I command you.

Oh, it's because I'm on speakerphone right now, bruh.

Why?

Who's listening?

Huh?

Who's listening?

A few other customers and whatnot.

You're not allowed to be on speakerphone

because I'm talking about inappropriate stuff.

It's just for you and me only.

That's not my problem.

Yeah, yeah, it is.

I'm going to sue.

I'm going to file a lawsuit.

That's bad, buddy.

You broke the rules.

I'm not calling a lawsuit for sexual harassment.

Yeah, you're stupid.

Okay, bro.

Yeah, you're an idiot.

Oh, am I?

Yeah.

Can I record this?

I'm liable to come in there

and I'm liable to hit you with a hickory switch.

I'm going to take you to the woodshed, son.

Yeah?

What's your location right now?

I just need to know if I need to call one of my cop friends.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I'm nearby.

I'm, like, just down the road.

You can call them.

I have a company.

Yeah?

I'm independent.

I work for Big Businesses Corporation.

That's the name of it.

Big Business Co.

Hey, sir.

Hey.

Wow.

Yeah.

That gentleman was, yeah, so I know.

He put you on speakerphone.

Nice.

So all the customers can listen.

Yeah, I know.

You used to have a few customers left, and those were the regulars that used the Glorio.

I bet at least a few are jerking off now, or at least headed to the washroom.

Yeah, they're like, all right, let's go.

Let's go to the whole guy.

All right, I got to go cook.

I'll be back.

Go kill Peck Peck.

I'm just going to stay connected.

I'll be muted.

Yeah.

You need a headset or a Bluetooth so you can talk while you're cooking.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, cook.

See that nasty shit?

Or a Bluetooth light bulb.

I'll see you.

He's my fan.

Listen to the show.

I wouldn't want them to be Bluetooth

Wi-Fi maybe, not Bluetooth

Yeah, these ones have their Bluetooth

I posted

Two of them in

Chat there

Bluetooth just causes so much noise in the air

Not that you can hear, I'm just saying

Interference-wise with your Wi-Fi

Like, you're worried about audio

Interference and stuff?

Well, just spectrum interference with the Wi-Fi

That you have already in the house

If you could just keep it on the Wi-Fi

I'm okay with not using

Bluetooth except for little things

like maybe connect, whatever, shut up Carlos

does anyone

want, Lama did you do one yet?

yeah, yeah, I did one

you did one, that's true

if you want to do another one, holla, let me close these windows

here, I'll get more wankers

later, or you guys can get them for me if I need

I'm going to close that list, it was a bum list

anyway

game status yet, are we

where are we at, you said LeBron got fouled

Dwight, I think Dwight's muted because he's watching it.

Shit.

Just a moment, please.

39.4 seconds left, and Golden State's still down by two.

Okay, there's my update.

I know you guys were really concerned about that earlier.

Back to Gmail I go for the next travel stop.

Oh, shit, here we go, Carlito.

All right, call the players.

Ten seconds left.

Two-point game.

Curry just tied it with 7.2.

Yes.

That's in the game.

Yes.

Yes, good.

Well, also.

Cash, time it out.

What happened?

Friendly faces.

To ensure you reach the correct person, please choose from the following options.

Press 1 for the retail store or fuel desk.

Press 2 for the lowest tire care center.

Press 3 for the restaurant.

The restaurant.

Or press 4 to hear these options again.

At about the three-minute mark, the Golden State was down by like 12 or 13.

That's good.

Good, Dan.

So is it a Cleveland timeout?

What happened?

I believe it's either Cleveland or TV because Golden State just scored.

Hey, how are you?

I'm good.

What can I do for you?

I'm going to make an order.

For what?

For the restaurant.

For Subway?

No, for the restaurant.

We don't have a restaurant in here besides Subway.

Then why did the phone say restaurant?

I don't know why the phone says restaurant.

Oh, man.

All right, so I'll make a Subway order then.

Okay, what would you like?

One sandwich.

What kind of bread?

Llama, what kind of bread?

Whole wheat bread is what I prefer.

Okay.

Toasted, though.

Toasted whole wheat.

Okay.

All right.

What kind of cheese?

Dwight, what kind of cheese do we want?

Pepper jack.

Okay, what kind of sandwich is it?

What kind of meat are you getting on it?

Morgan, what kind of meat?

Do you have salami and prosciutto?

No, we don't have prosciutto.

Okay, can I just get salami and sour cream, please?

Hello?

Why did he hang up?

He probably was like, this is bullshit, right?

Did he put us on speaker before he hung up?

Yeah.

Second game in a row, Carlito.

It is overtime.

Oh, wow, man.

Good series.

Good fucking series, man.

Milkman, are they playing in Golden State?

Yeah, they are, right?

Yep, they're in Golden State.

Hey, Milkman, you should be driving out to the arena out there.

Is it Oracle?

Oracle Center?

Oracle Arena?

You should be out there getting some fares, man.

Yeah.

LeBron tried to take it to the hole, and he failed.

Failed.

Ah, clutch.

A failure.

Mr. Clutch.

Clutch, what happened?

They say he's not a good Clutch player.

He made a guarantee that the Cavs were taken game two.

Oh, wow.

We'll see about that.

Yeah, I notice he's embracing his baldness a little more now.

He's not trying to hide it anymore.

It looks better this way, the way he's doing it now.

Good for him.

The comb-over?

Yeah.

Yeah, he used to do the comb-over with the headband, right?

He's such a denial.

You wanted so many distractions from it.

It was just like, okay.

Dude, just embrace it.

Just shave the hat or just embrace it, bro.

Look at Rasheed Wallace.

That fucker used to get a fro and then he just had this huge bald spot right in the middle of his throat.

Right in the middle.

Yeah.

Like he used to smuggle drugs or something in there and just put a fucking hair cap in there and hide it.

Like a little plug.

A little plug.

Yeah.

All right.

We haven't had pranks yet from Pearlman or Greenby.

Greenby, are you pranking yet?

or are you just chilling in the cut right now?

That's all right.

What's the GTA update?

Anything over the weekend?

Any GTA announcements?

I'm into more hackers.

Oh, that's good.

Hackers, man.

They're all over the place now.

Yeah, Grimby made $6.5 million in-game credit

thanks to a hacker that was shooting money bags at him

out of a shotgun.

I had a funny episode today.

It was actually a minigun.

It was a minigun?

Yeah, he was shooting money bags all over the place.

That's awesome.

That's a lot of money bags, though.

Everyone's like, whoo-hoo.

Yeah.

What happened to us?

I drove up on a guy today, Carlito, and I'd been tracking.

I was just trying to find someone to go shoot, and I'm like, ha-ha, this guy's not moving.

So I go and find him in the middle of a parking lot, pull up beside him.

He's in his own car.

What's he doing?

He's a hooker fucking him, right?

So I shot and killed him while he was getting fucked by this hooker.

Dude, that's fucked up, man.

Oh, I busted up.

I just started shooting, and I see the hooker flee, and I'm like, bah!

because for that time he's he's stuck in there right you can't just kick the hooker oh yeah he

can't do nothing when she's uh when she's on top of him and shit you should have watched it for a

while like turbo turbo would have watched it for a while you know and then be like all right

where everyone is about to get off like so then i shot her and i took his money i'm like that's

my money now that's awesome man shot the hooker shot the john took the money that's how dwight

rolls guys hide your children when they're playing gta dwight comes around kill everyone

one um what uh we gotta do more pranks guys come on we're failing here we're talking too much

tonight we're having a good time but we gotta get to it uh are we done with uh travel stops

did anyone else want to do one pearl man you want to do a travel stop at all

i was gonna try and do the old customer survey i don't know yeah here it goes this one's in

columbia tennessee which one is this loves or pilot loves travel stop plain faces and friendly

OnlyFace. To ensure you reach the correct person, your call is very important. Please continue to hold.

Hey, good afternoon. My name's Craig. I'm calling with Love's Corporate Office. May I please have your name?

Steven.

Steven. How you guys doing tonight? You pretty busy, bud?

I'm not.

Awesome. I was going to see if you had time to do the quick weekly survey for me. Quick customer survey.

Awesome. I appreciate your time, Steven.

No problem.

Hello, Steven. Are you there, bud?

Yes.

Do you have a customer in there that's available right now?

I do.

Is anybody out pumping gas? Do you have the cordless phone there? Has your store been remodeled yet or no?

Good grief, Steven.

You're killing me, buddy.

Yeah, that would help a lot, man.

I really need to get this over with.

I've got like seven other stores to call before I can get my ass out of here.

Steven, I'm going to put you on the phone with the IT department.

Apparently, there's some issues that we can take care of since you obviously have a little bit of time on your hands.

You got about three seconds.

Actually, yeah, you don't really have a choice.

I'm going to go ahead and transfer you over there really quickly.

Thanks for your time, Steven.

I appreciate it.

Well, if I can get the horn to work here.

Hello, this is the IT department.

Hey, this is Mr. Cross.

This is store number 346, is it?

All right, good.

Okay, great.

Yeah, we need to do a check.

Do you know where the power breaker panel is?

In the office.

Yeah, we haven't received any data from the POS system in the last 24 hours.

Your generator will kick in,

but we need you to flip off the left side of the panel breakers off and then on.

On the car, sure.

Nobody want it?

I should have just fucking started with that in the first place.

No, no, no.

It's his fault for not having it for us.

It's going by fast.

It's already been three hours.

How are you doing?

James, how can I help you?

Yes, hi.

I'm with the corporate department.

I have the IT ticket here for you regarding a problem with the POS system.

We need to do a breaker check, make sure all your breakers are flipped.

Actually, we don't have anybody here that would be able to do it.

My DM will be in tomorrow morning at 6 if you want to go ahead and call back.

Oh, what do you do?

What do you do?

I'm just a cashier.

Oh, I thought you were going to be the manager who was going to help me.

No, no, no, no, manager here currently.

And you can't get into the office?

is um that's by the office yeah the guy said it was right i don't know truck stop they may have

maintenance that you could speak with you know doubt it well they have a tire department so we

can call back and get that if they're open right now those guys pretty much open all the time for

the truckers i think right just watch out they put the name on the back of their belts

dwight how's the game going report uh one point game in overtime uh i don't see a time they're

Airplane replays.

Draymond Green, he just scored two baskets back-to-back.

Come on, give me the time.

I don't have the key.

You don't have the key?

Can you turn off the power to the cash register?

Unplug the power and then plug it back in.

Any of them that are turned on right now.

I apologize.

What did they call the ticket in?

It's been open since Friday.

And this is an urgent ticket.

It needs to be closed before we start a business tomorrow.

We're going to be in big trouble.

And you might get dragged into this now.

Shit. Fucking shit, man.

I can't do this shit right now, man.

I want to go fucking home.

Whatever. Fuck him.

Damn. Oh, my.

Stop giving me shit.

I'm going to try it out.

Okay.

You need to play some Peach Fuzz, Carly.

I haven't heard that in a long time.

Oh, yeah. We moved on from Peach Fuzz.

We do hits from the bong from Milkman now

because he's like, you're going to play bong.

That's what he calls it. Bong.

Bong, bong, bong, bong, bong.

Play the bong song.

Play bong.

Was that just, like, beats in the background?

Pick it.

No, I'll play it.

You want some peach fuzz?

Sure.

You got it, man.

153 left in overtime.

One point game.

Cavs up by one.

153, you say?

One minute, 53 seconds in the first overtime.

Oh, man.

Great series, though, man.

Two overtimes in a row.

People getting their minds working.

They've been fucking following the shit out of LeBron, like, really hard tonight.

Yeah.

like he's been getting smashed in the face across the nose and knocked on the floor and shit where

his ass down he's starting to show some age i think no he's actually pretty they were commenting

on espn the other day like his leaping ability just isn't there anymore you don't see him taking

those long strides and then leaping like he used to to the basket i mean you see him doing it but

not like he used to he just fucking threw the ball like six feet in the air he fucked it up really

bad now he's complaining what come on man i think they called a foul on him after he lost the ball

at least it's not as much as the princess as kobe is all right look peach fuzz for you

this is a remix of it chat here we go special off the special herbs album this is ha i found

the right one all right and now we're gonna do another travel stop unless any of you want

something else i got a i got a bunch of stuff in the uh one i sent you yeah let's do the one

that's that's the same shit i always yeah yeah there's some waffle houses in there but

that's the same shit that i always do too so oh dude i love waffle houses because i love their

attitude and they're discriminatory towards wheelchair can also

say that he's one of those guys this is a war yeah it's not gonna make a mess

get your car worn okay okay yeah just don't still stain and then you guys will be all right

milkman beauty mute it i'm gonna drop you well they're gonna have sex or something and he said

just don't stain it and you'll be all right put a towel down don't stay in the back seat you'll

be all right don't win them too i hear him again i'll cut him off all right so what did you send

in uh just the regular camaraderie of peoples yeah yeah twitter complainers craigslist let's do it

it here's curtis smith he's staying at the end just go ahead and cut me off now you whiner well

now because you were talking uh what's her name ashley she got nice tits and they'll call me a

whiner mr kettle call him a pot black curtis smith staying at the hampton inn in the marriott

times square north let's give all his information out so we can get him swatted yeah all right here

it is dwight you taking it yeah yeah and check this out lebron's missed like his last 16 fucking

Mr. Klutz tonight, man.

I think he said 15 out of 16.

Pearl, man, I'm going to do a call.

Yeah, fuck.

Senator, what's wrong with your phone?

Hello?

Yeah, can you hear me?

Hello?

Hello, you're cutting up.

It's your fucking phone, lady.

Yeah, I'm calling back.

It looks like I'm having a problem here.

All right, we'll try again.

Oh, no, I'm crazy.

Jesus Christ.

I'm crazy.

Come on, man.

What, you want to?

Thank you for calling Huntington and Times Square North.

Sandra speaking.

I'm a direct to call.

Hey, Sandra.

I need to be transferred to my brother's room, please.

To whom?

My brother.

I need to be transferred to his room.

Okay.

What's his last name?

Smith.

First name?

Curtis.

We don't have nobody by the name of Curtis.

No, he's there.

He's there.

Now, it's room 225.

225?

Let's see.

Yeah.

Yeah, and look at LeBron, ma'am.

Are you watching the game?

He is being a bitch right now.

You're watching the basketball game?

No.

Uh, no, there's nobody by the name of Smith in 225.

Yeah, he's staying under another name.

He'll be in 225.

Um, the thing is that I can't transfer the call until, um, he confirms.

It's just that I, his name is not registered.

Well, it's a family emergency.

Mom just went to the hospital.

Uh, she's going to have to have her, uh, her testicles removed, and I need to get down here.

Sorry, I mean, if there's any way that, um, we can, you can call his cell phone or something.

I, I tried.

That's why I'm calling this phone.

Puta.

One second.

Okay.

You got to put a little puta in it.

Puta?

Puta.

Yeah, every fucking stop in action, LeBron is like fucking in the referee's face.

This is LeBron.

You know what?

I can choose, man.

He's running around like, motherfucker.

You know who I am?

Inject his ass.

Call a flagrant on his ass.

Call a personal on it.

Do something, ref.

Do your job, motherfucker.

Yeah, well, he went up to try to dunk the ball, and he just got stuffed, and they called

on a jump ball

and he started

fucking flipping out

about that.

Wow.

That crowd there

in Oakland

was eating that up, man.

Golden State does

play in Oakland, right?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Yeah, they do.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, they're on Oakland.

Yeah, because they got

the Bay Bridge

and everything.

Do-ba-do-do-ba-do.

Yeah, that got destroyed

during that movie,

that San Andreas movie

I went to see.

Yeah?

Fucking went down.

Was that any good?

Like, the visual effects

and everything

were really good.

The storyline

wasn't that great.

Yeah, but just

a summer kind of

blow shit up movie yeah pretty pretty much just avoiding like all the yeah horrific shit that's

going on around you it's a survivalist movie it's a fun movie to watch but i uh i went and saw it in

3d so i made it a little better well enjoy your 3d jerk because i can't see it oh you know typical

rock movie the only movies i've seen with the rock that are really good was like snitch and uh

the movie faster he was pretty good in both of those scorpion king yeah what was his first

What was his first action movie?

The one that had Schwarzenegger kind of trading posts, you know what I mean?

Like kind of passing the baton when he got to the bar?

walking tall was it walking tall

i don't know schwarzenegger wasn't in it but it was the south america oh yeah walking walking

tall was pretty good it was around 99 should have been no schwarzenegger had a cameo he he was

leaving the bar as he was going into it he was like have fun in there because he was getting

ready for his governor run and shit he was like saying he was getting out of the business and

the rock was going to take over i don't know i could be wrong maybe it was walking tall

No, walking tall, he was a...

That was 04.

He was a soldier.

The opening credits, he was just walking home.

No, that wasn't it.

Okay.

Let me go to his filmography here.

Are we waiting still, or should we call back?

What do you think?

It don't even matter.

I don't think we're going to get anywhere with her anyway.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, never mind.

I don't know why I had to hold it for so long.

Oh, lordy, lordy.

Why did I think...

All right, the next one I'm pretty sure is fake here.

It says Senator John Blutarski.

Isn't that a joke on Animal House, I'm guessing?

I don't know.

It was on a yolk chicken.

I think he's got a fake name.

We can call him.

Fuck with him.

Who knows, baby?

It's almost up by one with 23 left.

Yeah.

White power.

His bra just got fucking blocked hard.

Yeah.

You say Bartowski?

Thank you for calling Catering Wharf Hotel, Boston Waterfront.

I feel like you're speaking at my sister's to you.

Yes, I'd like to speak to a guest who's staying there.

I'm sorry.

Oh, God damn it.

I need to speak to a guest who's staying there.

What's the last name?

Blutarski.

B-L-U-T-A-R-S-K-I

God, my ass is itchy

That's a lie

Yeah, my ass is real itchy

Jesus Christ

Hello?

It is

I don't know why

Took a shower

You gotta wipe better, Carlito

No, no, it's the outside

I don't shit on the outside of my ass

On the cheek

What do you take me for?

Like you're an animal

Do I sound okay to you guys?

You sound fine

It's a Voxox issue

It's alright, we'll work through it

These problems are created by man

they can be solved by a man next number is peter who says he has teen scene teen way

block of the what the fuck is this all right oh he's staying in a hotel foreign hotel perman do a

call man not not very good i need like ideas oh don't do a call scary what's the name chat

so i need a guest sorry i need i need a guest need to be transferred to a room what need to

What do you hear, sir?

What do you hear?

Hello?

Hi.

Yes, sir.

You hear me?

Oh, my God.

English, motherfucker.

Do you speak it?

I was about to say that.

The phone is fucked up.

All right, let me try to restart that.

Oh, my God.

The whole computer is messing up there.

The laptop is in trouble.

Hang on.

I'm going to sign out that program and task manager kill it.

How many people in this conference are there?

One, two, three, four.

Maybe.

Maybe I'm tapped out on bandwidth also.

Or just processes.

Yes, I want to end Vox on.

Alright, it has restarted.

I will start it up again.

Do you guys still hear me?

Or did I lose you guys?

Nope, we got you.

Yep, loud and clear.

Wow, this Vox is having a big trouble over there.

Come on, baby, don't die on me.

Everyone, listen to this.

Let me get a prank playing here while I try to recover things a little.

Sorry.

I'm starting to have a little bit of fun now.

What's going on with the game, Dwight?

What do you got for me?

uh lebron just missed a free throw which would have put them up by three they are now up by two

there is uh game's over they stole the ball from curry then lebron spikes the fucking ball like

he's something dickhead you sit there fucking fist pumping you got lucky

this sounds like uh what you're describing here all right that is not a prank call that is a full

episode we won't be playing that he's sitting there mean mugging like he's the fucking best

in the world.

Fuck them.

No, no, no, no.

All right.

We're back.

I am back.

I think I got it.

I think we have improvement here.

What were we trying to call last, guys?

Because I'll try that again.

Shit.

Waffle Houses, I think.

Waffle Highs?

Or were we trying to call Peter

about the...

He was in a hotel

in Belgium.

That's what it was.

Do we still want to do that or no?

Have we ever called Belgium?

No.

Maybe we'll stay away from Belgium.

Maybe that's part of the problem, too.

Maybe it's a shit connection.

That call you were just playing

I remember one that you did

Where you were trying to get the lady to bring you

It was fries or potatoes

Out in a fucking garbage bag

French fries at Red Robin

Did that ever happen?

Did you ever get her to agree to that?

What happened at the end of that?

I don't know

I kept calling with the white devil voice

Saying French fries

I remember that happening

You were trying to get them to bring all the shit out to your pickup truck

You were just going to have them loaded up in the back

I was complaining that it's supposed to be all you can eat

but it's not fair because i can't come in because i'm obese can't get out of the car

all right here so here's michael who's at dope movie press day four seasons hotel all right

we'll see if this works dwight can you see this taken is it gonna dial we're gonna have to cut

the show off early we're sorry the number and country codes you have dialed cannot be reached

Listen. Listen to how it does it.

Hang on, I'm going to try Josh Tomlinson instead.

What's his deal? Comcast Complainer. Okay.

Can you do a Comcast Complainer?

That green medication tastes like grapefruit. What's that about?

Andrew, who is a Comcast Complainer also?

Starbucks Complainer.

I have a Starbucks Complainer.

We never had one of those. Here we go.

He's pissed that some kids were throwing shit at him.

The Starbucks?

Yeah. Some kids were throwing shit at me at Starbucks today.

Can't wait to die.

Normal people want to treat me like shit when I leave the house.

Hashtag fed up.

God damn.

Can't wait to die, too.

Take it easy.

Do you want to call him?

Because this might push him over the edge there.

Yeah, let's help him out.

Not to kill himself.

We're that, too.

Film it.

It'll be good publicity for Starbucks.

Call in on behalf of Starbucks.

We'd like to kill you.

New macchiato ground.

Coming up next is Frank, who has great Dane puppies.

If this doesn't pick up here soon.

Killing it.

We'll do the next one.

Don't.

held up all show until this last little hour what's frank great danes anyway

gravy a call has been forwarded to an automated voice that was one thing you kept saying on that

prank um you kept saying good gravy good grief great what was over uh one of those two llama

was saying on the uh the transfer loop on jayad show on friday that show was great man i'm not

sure you kept saying good grief again good grief good grief you're supposed to talk to this person

Heat-seeking moisture missile is still my favorite Renee's pump action

All right, we got Jason who's got a free clean comfortable king-size bed. I talked to mister didn't I do it?

I know we never got through to him. No, I think you just kind of hung up on me yesterday

Take it Dwight, please gotta get one

It's not a bandwidth issue because I'm not pegging up my upload I'm looking at I'm logged into my DD wrt and I can see

the graph it's not pegging upload or download right now it's up there but not any different

more than what it says usually during the show so it's a voxox network thingy it does this and

usually i think at this time of night they do maintenance or upgrades or i think it just gets

heavily used at night yeah jason different yeah they're a small company and they're way smaller

than skype is so you gotta get them packets but unfortunately i cannot use skype so there you

We do not work well with each other

Dwight, I'm going to take a break from your numbers

Not that we're not going to get to them

Or that I'm upset

I know that a surefire answer will be a Waffle House

So that's my plan

Okay

I don't want to make you sore

Well, you've got to fuck me first

I will spit on it

Where did you put those, Mr. Llama?

You put them here in our chat?

I did

I will throw you another one right now

Okay, got it

So welcome.

And you're taking this one?

Yeah, sure.

Cool.

Hopefully I haven't called him already.

Well, in the southern comfort zone.

Even this song sucks.

Oh, my.

Still with us, Morgan.

Anything with Grimby and the like.

Is that Mika on your picture now?

Wapow.

I was listening.

Hello, good afternoon, ma'am.

How are you?

This is Craig.

I'm calling from Norcross, Georgia with the corporate office for Wapow House.

Hi.

Hi, may I please have your name?

Ashley.

Ashley, you said?

Jesus.

Are you there, ma'am?

Sounds like we have a bad connection.

Yes.

Oh my god, could you please is the cook available ma'am? I just I'm having trouble understanding you

Is there someone else I could speak with please ma'am? Okay. Yeah, could you hurry up, please? It's very important this fucking bitch

Call that fucking hooker back. Yeah, I don't know if it was a connection or just her being scared. I think that she's goddamn retarded or something

Sorry, I'll hit words actually

Never mind

Just the quality of the call I'm gonna have to end the show cuz it's not gonna get any better

I could do a full reboot. We would go off here and come hello

Hello, this is Craig. I'm calling from the corporate office in Norcross, Georgia.

I believe we just got disconnected.

Is everything all right there, ma'am?

Yes.

My God.

Who else is there, ma'am?

I mean, please don't make me pull up the cameras.

I need to speak with someone that can help me out.

This is very important.

You don't have to be afraid. No one's in trouble.

Everything's all right.

Hello.

Say hello.

Hello.

Hello, ma'am. This is Craig.

I'm calling from Norcross, Georgia with the corporate office with Waffle House.

How are you?

I'm good. How are you doing?

I'm doing very well. Thank you so much for asking.

May I please have your name?

Apparently, I'm sorry.

May I please have your name?

Mioka. Mioka. That's a beautiful name, Mioka. Basically, the reason I'm calling, we're having

trouble in the IT department. I need you to do a quick reset for me. Think you could do that?

I can give you very simple, basic instructions. You said I do a reset? Yes, ma'am. Do you guys,

have you been remodeled yet? You have the cordless phone there, that's correct?

I have no idea. You're on the cordless phone or you're not on the cordless phone?

Oh, you mean the cordless register? Yes, ma'am. Okay, great. Awesome. Look to your left and go

through those double doors back there by the office for me and I'll just, you can help me

me out and i'll let you guys get on with your evening and we'll both have a great night yes

ma'am back by the office to the panels on the wall there should be three panels labeled a b and c

they'll look um they're kind of similar looking as to like your your breaker box at your house

if you will they'll look like those but please don't do anything until i tell you what to do

are you back there mitch abishi are you there mitch abishi i don't know yeah i know this

there's a big delay between when you you talk and she hears what you say it looks all right

what i'm gonna i'm not gonna end the show per se but i'm gonna reboot everything that was probably

at best i can get that done within 15 minutes so then i'll do another hour of show and all of you

who are able to stay on please stay on all right let's see if it works if not fuck it all right

wow fuck it milkman you get done fucking in the back seat yeah what's going on money

Oh, yeah, man.

Hey, man, things got pretty messy back here.

Everything's good now.

Yeah.

She's in her business.

She ride the saddle?

That's right.

That's the way she like.

Come on, ride a saddle.

Ride a side saddle, buddy.

Side saddle?

I had to hang that ass out the door, man, to hit it harder.

That's some hard fucking.

All right, I'm going to cut you guys off.

I'm going to call everyone back on this conference, okay?

Deal?

Deal.

Pilot driver can't wheelbarrow move.

Wish me luck.

All right.

Good luck.

The rest of you, you'll hear some music for a little bit,

and then it will cut off and then i'll be back all right i'll be back i promise as fast as i can

as fast as five fast men hey who made it first llama i think yeah all right good good looks like

it worked we're gonna continue on i'm just closing up some windows i didn't need anymore

oh my god guys oh my god what i'm in a lobby right now and these hackers just is still

constantly dropping money on me i got seven bill now seven billion yeah i got screenshots too

careful that they're not gonna get you banned for getting a bunch of money i know but it won't

stop it just keeps dropping on my head i'm sure they're gonna i'm sure it's sending off some kind

of red flag somewhere oh shit yeah just keep taking it dude yeah i'm just standing in one

spot i'm in passive mode and just just dropping on my head rockstar says something like i don't

I thought I was part of the game.

I thought I hit the jackpot.

I'm sure you're okay, buddy.

Fixing one last thing, and that's there.

So who reconnected?

Do we have Morgan?

Dwight?

No, Dwight's still reconnecting.

Morgan's here?

Here.

Good, Morgan.

Daz, let me stop calling him.

He's busy.

Pearlman's up.

Yes.

Greenbeard.

Autumn Man.

Yeah.

Llama's here.

Milkman is here.

Good, so we're just waiting on Dwidget.

Okay.

It looks like I have no video now.

One last shot for the video, and then I'm going to give up on Tiny Chat.

That sucks.

I'll take him.

not to do that it can just be a picture of me that's all i got sorry guys and i'm doodling

we're getting there we're getting there another hour i promise and another hour i will deliver

hopefully here we go and i still got the numbers so we're in good shape um we're gonna do the

waffle houses over well the waffle houses i need again sorry mama i know it's all good your video

is working but i see you smile yeah i got it behind you on that mattress all right uh yeah

hook me up with them numbers again we'll get to those

while I wait on that we'll call

this number here for Jerry

who's got what now Time Warner Help

TV Guide always goes to

channel 300

anyone want that or should I

I'll take it

what's the guy's name Jerry Quarterly

no Jerry Courtly

we're sorry your call could not be completed

error code

408

error she has a pleasant voice

Trevor Clark

Is complaining about Comcast

And his ESPN being

All of the networks

Blowing the audio on

He's complaining about the audio during the basketball game

That was just on

Trevor?

Trevor, yeah, Trevor

Clark

And Comcast?

Yeah, Comcast

Hello?

Hi there, can I speak with Trevor Clark, please?

Who is it?

My name is Kendra, I'm calling on behalf of Comcast

Regarding the tweet that you had just sent

It got sent to our customer cares department

So I'm just calling up

Just to see if you had that issue resolved yet

Or if there's still a problem that we can hopefully work out

It depends on what the tweet is

I tend to find Comcast lacking in most areas

But what was I talking about?

Well, you just posted it

Was that not you?

Is it not you that has the problem?

Just posted it one second ago?

No, I've been watching Game of Thrones

Did I mention one second ago?

Well, you said just now, so I would assume that's now.

I said just.

Well, that typically doesn't mean one second,

but let's not argue over such a stupid, stupid thing.

You posted it recently.

If that makes things a little bit better,

you said thank you at ABC Network, at Comcast Cares, at ESPN,

and all other networks for really blowing the audio on the hashtag finals game.

So was that or was that not you that posted that?

Yeah, that was probably 5.30, 5.45.

Okay, but it was recently enough that you didn't forget that you just posted it, right?

So there's no need to try to be difficult when I'm trying to help you.

I'm trying to help you.

I'm not trying to be difficult.

I didn't know which one you were talking about.

Oh, did you post multiple tweets about our company?

I did, and about ESPN.

You weren't being targeted.

It was a whole combination of all three of you doing something wrong.

Okay.

Oh, I see.

I see.

What was the issue?

It was an audio issue you said?

Yep.

Yep, it was about half static and half the NBA final game.

Okay, did that go on, did it start when the game started?

Did it continue until the end of the game?

I just need to, I'm going to obviously type up a report here

and see what we can do for you.

Sorry about that, we just moved into a loud office that's right by the highway.

It was from the beginning of the game until about beginning of the game until halftime.

Okay, so it's no longer a problem, is that correct?

Yeah, well the game ended, yeah the game ended like an hour and a half.

I realize that. I'm just wondering if the problem is still persisting?

No, I'm not on ABC anymore, so I couldn't tell you.

Okay, do you mind going to ABC on your television and just seeing if the problem is still persisting?

I'm not even at my house anymore.

Sorry?

I'm not even at my house anymore.

Oh, no? Oh, okay.

Okay. Well, we're just going to have to troubleshoot then remotely and see what we can do.

Is this the first time the issue has happened?

I really do, and I appreciate the help, but we hit pause because there's a dragon attack happening in Game of Thrones.

A dragon attack?

I don't want to hold them up anymore, so I appreciate it.

I know things happen.

Okay, well then, sir, unfortunately, I was trying to be nice.

I was trying to solve the problem.

Fucking spoiling, fucking asshole, you fucking motherfucker.

Oh, okay, so this is not Comcast.

Fuck you for spoiling it, motherfucker.

Guys, at the end of the new Star Wars movie, it gets shot by...

What is going on?

Am I being trolled?

Who is this?

Fuck you.

You're making slanderous tweets about our business.

Damn it.

Oh, but I have three people on the phone now all claiming to work for Comcast.

Yeah, we have a really big call center.

It's going to die on the next Star Wars movie.

And you're all pissed that I told you there's dragons in Game of Thrones.

No, we're all pissed because you're being such a douchebag on the phone.

You're being a fucking asshole.

Three people have now called me a fucking asshole.

Well, maybe.

Do you think maybe we could all.

Don't prepare for number four, motherfucker.

You're an asshole.

Motherfucker.

You're an asshole, motherfucker.

We deal with stupid customers like you all fucking day long.

Number five is, yeah, number five.

What am I?

I'm sure.

You know, I can just send a quick message out over our little messaging system here.

We can get 20 people to call you an asshole if you want.

You can go and get as many people as you want to call me an asshole.

But that convince you that you're a fucking stupid asshole?

Sure.

Yeah, so you're convinced of it?

Yeah, okay.

Okay, well, it's about time.

So, how about you take down those tweets right now?

No, I'm not going to take down shit.

Well, then we might take down your whole Twitter account.

Go ahead. Go ahead.

Oh, don't make me.

You want to test me, motherfucker?

Oh, okay, go ahead.

Yeah, you stupid, ignorant motherfucker.

You asshole motherfucker.

If anyone with the skills to quote-unquote take down my Twitter likes Comcast, I would be concerned.

Well, I guess you'll have to see, won't you?

you hashtag hashtag take down hashtag you're a stupid fucking asshole that doesn't even deserve

comcast so wait okay before i go to confirm you do work for comcast that's right i only told you

that a few times instead calling from comcast cares and then i reread your fucking tweet that

you forgot that you wrote so do you want to ask me any other questions that i've already answered

asshole sure i did not uh claim to forget my tweet but could you read them to me again

No, fuck you.

Do you want to take down your tweets willingly, or are we going to do it the hard way there, Trevor?

The hard way.

What's your name again?

That's okay.

I love it the hard way.

My name's Kendra.

What's your name again?

I just said, take the cum out of your ears.

It's Kendra with a K.

What state do you work in?

That's none of your business.

Do you want to guess based on my accent?

I don't know.

Okay, well then I guess you're not going to know.

No, game's over.

Yeah, we're just making sure that the video that I'm recording right now is working out for you.

Oh, is it?

Oh, well, I can give you a moment just to make sure that, you know, all your settings are correct and stuff.

Do you want me to give you a moment?

No, it's been recording since the first person called me an asshole.

Oh, perfect, perfect.

Yeah, because we're recording you, too.

That's fine.

What are you recording us on?

What are you using to record?

Oh, my friend's got an iPhone 6 real nice.

Oh, fancy, fancy.

Awesome, awesome.

Co-workers, do you guys want to say anything more

to this fucking asshole, this dipshit here

and his friend? Anyone?

Yeah, I would like to speak with him, please.

Oh, by all means.

Call the baby.

Sorry, Mr. Dwight, we couldn't quite hear you, sir.

Please stand up, sir.

I'd like to let you know, your mother sucks cocks in hell.

Did you hear that?

No, actually.

Did you wipe all the cum out of your ears?

I'm out of my ear.

Yeah, the cum out of your ears.

I'm gonna give you more spoilers for Star Wars 7 if you don't stop what is who is there that just loved Star Wars 7

I'm gonna give you more spoilers already told you one you want me to ruin it more

Huh, please do it. They do it going give him more spoilers

Do it.

Here, do you want some Game of Thrones spoilers?

No!

Daughter of...

La la la.

La la la la la la.

Is Game of Thrones really, like, that awesome?

I almost choked on my fucking pizza.

I took my fucking...

I didn't hear anything.

No one say anything.

Is it really, like, that important?

It's a good show, yeah.

Oh, okay.

The chat was pissed off over what I said, which wasn't true.

It wasn't true.

Okay.

That's not true rumor.

Right.

That guy was funny.

He got pretty aggro.

who's the person there that's that into star wars

oh my god uh chat room's upset that i spoiled you didn't spoil anything no it's not he's out

of a bunch they're not gonna kill what kind of pizza are you eating sir the usual chicken my

meat lovers oh chicken oh yeah you hate chicken lovers with no chicken meat i love chicken pizza

Pizza, man, will give you the craps, man.

Be careful with chicken pizza.

I don't know where you're getting your chicken pizza from.

Okay, you had a good one.

I had a bad experience with the poor one.

My Domino's Clubhouse chicken pizza.

Really?

I had a Domino's that got me, but this was in the beginning, back in the old days.

um shall we continue yeah where's my list it's only three episodes of the game with

we can't be spoiling them and what uh waffle house there it is a llama we're calling that

That Waffle House, man.

The Soto Techs.

Excited about that for you, man.

It's all for you.

Fucking crazy excited.

I want to end the show to watch Game of Thrones.

Thank you for calling Waffle House.

I'm going to go ahead and help you.

Hello, good afternoon.

My name's Craig.

I'm calling from the corporate office in Norcross, Georgia with Waffle House.

What was your name, please?

Okay, go ahead.

Hey, great.

I'm going to ask who I'm speaking with.

My name's Craig.

My name is Jessica.

Oh, Jessica.

That's a beautiful name, Jessica.

Do you guys have a lot of customers in there right now?

Are you pretty busy?

No, sir.

Have you had lightning in the area by chance?

any storms come through not today huh that's interesting so maybe yesterday something like

that that's all right it's irrelevant doesn't matter at this point i just basically the reason

i'm calling i hate to take up your time i know you're very busy i need to do a quick system reset

can you help me out with that has your store been remodeled do you have the cordless phone there

um no i don't think it has been or do you have the cordless phone there yet or the who

cordless telephone do you have that cordless telephone there or is it in the office no we

don't have a cordless phone at all okay well i can you i can you perfectly i'm sure you can help me

you can understand simple basic instruction right it'll take about two minutes if you look to your

left back there by the office do you know where the breaker boxes are in the restaurant ma'am

uh i don't know where this located well look to your left go through those double doors and

they'll be on the wall there'll be three panels okay all i need you to do is open up panel a

A and panel B, and there's going to be two switches on both of those and both of those

boxes. It's much larger than the other switches. That's all I need to do is flip those down

for me for about four seconds, and then we'll be good.

Okay. A and B?

Yes, ma'am. Thank you so much, Jessica. I appreciate your time.

We're going to the breaker box right now.

Okay, great. And what was your name, sweetie? I'm so sorry. My name's Craig.

I'm using this on the phone with Jessica Shaw. This is Tiara Brown.

Oh, Tiara, you have a beautiful name as well, Tiara.

Thank you.

you're very welcome just let me know when she flips those boxes open for me

and I can let her know what to do or I guess you can tell her if you don't mind

screaming it's much much larger than all of the other breakers it'll say it

should have an M next to it it may even say main there's one breaker in there

possibly two that's much larger than the other ones it's it's very large go

ahead and flip that down for six seconds for me and let me know if you lose you

know if anything goes off with the stereo goes off or anything like that everything worked just fine

yeah well it's the i.t department it's probably something you guys won't even notice i wouldn't

worry about it okay all right i'm not showing that she flipped it on my end um did she flip

the proper one okay let me go uh which one is she supposed to flip it's at the very top or very

bottom it should say main it should be if it's a main it's at the very top or the very bottom

if it's not in that panel please ask her to open up panel number b and c and check for it if it's

not in that one open up the other one give me one second mute yourself are you still there ma'am yes

ma'am um and i'll break your box you don't have no a no b and it it only says service disconnect

at the bottom we got a little level that's that's the proper one yes ma'am it's larger than the

other ones yes ma'am and i've set the backup system on our end so it won't affect your store

at all but that's that's exactly very good thank you so much for finding that for me i appreciate

it you're welcome flip that down for probably about four seconds um if you keep your friend

on the phone there um i can just go ahead and let her know when we reset on our end and we'll be

good okay hold on and again i really appreciate it i know you guys are busy yeah i'm four four

said it again i'm six seconds i'm sorry i thought you said something different she could it cut off

what cut off there you go it re all our lights it cut off and then they cut back on oh yeah

Yeah, you didn't leave it off long enough, ma'am. I'm sorry.

Okay, hold on.

We got to do it for at least 14 seconds.

Okay, hold on.

The one that says service disconnect, she hold it down for 14 seconds, right?

Well, she doesn't have to hold it. Just flip it down.

Okay, okay.

Oh, ma'am, I forgot to tell you, you need to lock the door while you're doing this for safety purposes.

You ain't doing long enough because the lights went out.

Flip it back on.

Hey, ma'am, while she's doing that...

It cuts off when she does it.

While she's doing that, I'm reading over a customer complaint here.

It says here that, do you have a cook there?

No.

Apparently, no, not right now.

Please let me finish.

It says here that he was exposing himself a few days ago to some of the customers.

Have you heard about this complaint yet?

No, I could ask my co-worker because she works more than, she works night shift.

He's a male, is that correct?

I don't want to say his name, but you have a male cook there.

We have a lot of male cooks.

Okay, well, does one have a larger penis than much of the other?

We've had several complaints about him wearing tight pants.

According to this, exact words, word for word, he had a very large dick.

He put it in the waffle batter, stirred it, and then tried to sell me extra waffles for my grandchildren.

That's the customer complaint.

Wait a minute.

Can I ask?

I don't want to sound racist when I say it, but was he white or black?

I'm not allowed to say, ma'am.

Here at Waffle House Corporate, we don't see race, ma'am.

We just see wealth.

No, I wasn't even trying to be funny.

I was just trying to see because we have, you know what I'm saying?

uh oh you have a mongoloid you have a white guy there with a really large dick oh i don't know

what it looked like i don't know the stereotype that white gentlemen have larger penises than

black gentlemen is that what you're trying to say no i'm trying to feel like you're being racist

right now ma'am that's not appropriate i can't talk to you about your cook's dicks um you brought

it up no ma'am you just brought up braids you just you're what you just said that you had a

mongoloid there with a big dick it's probably the same gentleman that we caught masturbating

in the bathroom hello ma'am are you there jessica yes this is uh this is here she has two customers

why was jessica so rude to me did you hear what she said what question no ma'am she actually just

gave me her phone number and asked me if i'd come over later and fuck the shit out of her she said

because i sound white and that i may have a lot of money first of all i don't even think you

corporate and if you are corporate i don't know what the fuck is wrong with you i told you that

You lost your damn mind

Well, you can do such a thing

But you're not supposed to talk to us like that

So therefore, fuck you

And let them know that I said it

Okay, you called them

You're in big trouble

Please hold for a supervisor

Hang on, I'm calling back

If you're not, I'm calling back

Is Mongoloid racist?

No

It's like making fun of the

The TARDIS officials

Yeah, it's like

Downs

It's an old term for that

They're not that trans

boohoo should we call another waffle house i don't know we got another number we'll call it

you want it llama or i want to share a lot of people on here right yeah they're so gullible

yeah hi hi waffle house hi how are you um i could be better i'm hungry well i can feed you

yeah yes sir yeah you got um you got meat yeah we got all of it well okay i'll take a meat

What kind of meat?

Hot meat.

White meat?

No, sir.

No?

You don't have any hot meat you can make?

Yeah, but what kind of hot meat you want?

Oh, like pork?

Well, we got pork chops, we got steak, we got sausage, we got bacon.

I'll take some pork steaks.

Okay, how do you want your steak?

Well, it's pork, you have to do it the same way.

Okay, medium rare, rare, raw, I mean?

Yeah, raw.

Okay.

Yeah, I get down like that, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, maybe we can bring your sister and have meat or pussy raw, you know?

Can I fork her out?

She's bleeding down there, you know?

The darker the bear, the sweeter the juice, you know what I'm saying?

How can I help you, sir?

Is your, well, is your sister's juice sweet, sweeter than ours?

How can I help, sir?

Are you dark-skinned or light-skinned black?

How can I help?

Let me let you talk to my manager about how that works.

Well, I'm colorblind, so that's what I'm asking.

That's his manager?

You dumb-dumb, that's not your manager.

Silly.

he was most certainly dark he was crispy as you said crispy yeah i was just about to say it

crispy black crispy black i was thinking about that term all day today i kept saying crispy

i kept saying crispy crispy crispy green black all right we are calling him back

take it back i am sorry that i spoiled star wars but i didn't really

I thought I missed it then

Thank you for calling the Waffle House, this is John

Yeah, hi John, my name's David

I think my brother just called you

I'd just like to apologize

He's a little bit sick

He hasn't taken his meds in about three days

Okay, if y'all want to call and make an order

I understand that, but y'all can't call

We want to make an order

A food order

I want a food order

Yeah, we want them pork steaks

Okay, how do you want your steaks, sir?

Raw pork steaks.

Okay, y'all cannot play on the phone.

I'm not playing, man. I want raw pork.

Okay, I can't give you raw pork.

Why?

Damn it. I'm going to pay you money.

Yeah, yeah.

He still wanted to start it out and offer me raw meat and pork and shit.

Yeah, he did. He said, how do you want it raw?

And why can't they offer you raw meat?

What if I sign a paper saying it's not...

We should call back later. It's like the health department.

Yeah.

You know how many worms are in raw pork, sir?

We have reports of you offering raw pork.

I would like to speak to a

Waffle House.

Waffle House? We'll call it a different one.

Llama, you posted a new one, didn't you there, sir?

Yes, sir, I did.

Sorry I wasn't talking. I was in the middle of survival.

Survival? Playing a survival? Great.

30 grand.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Alright, here we go.

You can download some survivals online

for your Xbox.

I got Bear Grylls.

how much she prepared for her uh um is your restaurant wheelchair accessible i'm sorry

the restaurant when i come in uh do you have like a ramp for wheelchairs i'm sorry i can barely

understand what you're saying the wheelchair do you have access for my wheelchair do we have access

for your wheelchair yeah for the wheelchair yes sir okay um uh handicap table yeah okay um

Um, like, uh, what type of, uh, patties do y'all have, like, sausage?

We have sausage, bacon, and ham.

Okay.

So I come in, and, um, you roll me into my seat, and then maybe you, you jerk me off.

Okay.

Yeah?

Okay, sure.

Okay.

And then I, um, uh, I want patty.

I want sausage patty.

You say what?

Sausage patty.

Sausage patty?

Sausage patty.

Sausage?

And then I want to taste your pussy.

Your pussy.

Our who?

Your pussy.

Sausage party in your pussy.

Sausage patty?

Sausage party in your pussy.

It wants to fuck you.

In your vagina.

I want to fuck you.

You couldn't understand me.

Damn it.

Yeah.

Son of a bitch.

God damn.

This is when Baz always calls back and tries to explain things.

things and i started telling them that like telling baz that she tried to she's gonna tip

me out of my wheelchair do it baz okay explain the thing yeah hi uh my my little brother just

called um he's developmentally disabled uh he might have said some stuff i just came in and

just caught the tail end of his conversation i'd like to apologize for him um he feels like he's

being persecuted all the time because he's in a wheelchair push me out of my wheelchair

Wheelchair.

Ma'am.

Yes, sir.

You're going to push him out of his wheelchair?

You said am I going to push him out of his wheelchair?

Yeah, he's telling me that you said you were going to push him out of his wheelchair.

No, sir.

If you can't do it.

She called me a honky.

Honky.

Ma'am.

I can't talk too loud right now.

Or you won't get to eat peck peck.

Did you finish cooking?

Yeah.

What did you make?

Yeah, yeah.

Oatmeal?

Yeah.

Flamin' on.

the all-in-days production.

Oh, wow.

Did you grill it?

Or did you put it in the grill?

No, we didn't.

I just heaped some of it.

All right.

Here's the...

We're going to call that last Waffle House from before.

The raw steak guy.

Raw meat.

Can I be corporate and tell them that

we got a complaint about raw meat?

Well, pal.

Hello, good afternoon, sir.

Sir, my name's Craig. I'm calling from Norcross, Georgia with the corporate office for Waffle House.

May I please ask who I'm speaking with?

You calling for who? What's your name?

My name's Craig. I'm calling from Norcross, Georgia with the corporate office.

May I please ask who I'm speaking with?

Oh, you're speaking with Eric, man. That's who I'm speaking with, Craig.

Craig, yes, that's correct, sir. How do you spell your name, sir? You said Aaron?

Craig who?

Craig Smith, sir. What's your last name now? It's your turn.

John.

The reason I'm calling, sir, we just got a very, very interesting complaint about you guys serving raw food.

Is that so?

Yeah, that's so, sir.

Actually you know what I'm just going to call your district manager

Don't even worry about it Aaron

Or Allison or whatever the fuck your name is

Don't worry about it

Just go ahead and clock out and go home

Shut up pussy

That's not nice

That's cause I'm white

Wow that's how you talk at work huh

I like that whatever your name is

Allison

Call that black girl

Or Mitsubishi earlier I think

Mitsubishi

Yoko or something I forgot

Hey, yes, hi.

I'd like to make an order.

Yes, I'd like to make an order.

Okay, how can I take that order, sir?

Okay, I'd like to have, do you have two eggs with meat?

Okay.

What kind of meat?

Sausage.

Patties, not links.

Okay.

I'd also like to get the hash browns.

What about them?

I'd like to get an order of hash browns.

Okay, I got them.

I'd like them doubled.

Okay.

Smothered.

Uh-huh.

Covered.

Yeah.

diced, onioned, watered, potatoed, julienned.

That sounds like your mama.

Sounds like you'd be scrabbling at mama.

Faxed.

Scrambled.

Then I'm going to put a rope around your neck.

What the fuck am I going to do?

That's like your mama's neck.

You know the niggas is here.

That's right.

Put a rope around your neck.

Take you down to the harbor.

The niggas taking over, pussy.

Yeah, they're doing a great job.

They're doing a great job, too.

We got Weatherford, nigga.

You already know, nigga.

You got a great job.

Hey, I'm a Native American.

I can't wait for this to become a big Haiti.

I don't give a fuck what a shoe is, nigga.

I'm a red man.

What the fuck we doing right here?

Whatever, slob.

Slob ass nigga.

Nigga's taking over, nigga.

Slob ass nigga.

Goddamn, this boy be fucking your white bitches, nigga.

You already know what it is.

Shit, put his long ass dick up in him.

Put his long ass dick up in him, goddammit.

Shit, you already know.

Wow, those ebonics really turned me on.

Fuck up, Crispy.

Go put on some fucking lotion.

ocean you're ashy putting this dick up in you that's all sorry yeah no i don't think you're

close to that are you gonna put it all up in there that's right you already know

you know how to speak english properly can you at least just try just for a moment to try to

have a little bit of self-respect and just try to speak like a white person does respect

self-respect come on crazy no you're the crazy one that's what the fuck we do around here i can't

barely understand anything you're saying like you're not even speaking english okay what you

you calling me what the fuck you mean i'm calling you a bunch of things you're you don't have any

sort of grasp of the english language at all come on watch it watch how we do these white bitches

up in here that's all that's all wait you get fired tomorrow god damn it it's gonna be so much

fun hey we teach a class it's called english for ebonics speakers would you like to join up

we'll give you a discount because you have a particularly bad case of the ebonics usually

Usually they're really loud and repeating the same thing over and over, clapping or something.

Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.

You don't know me.

Yeah, man.

Fucking cracker.

Big dick.

Bro, man, I would take that big dick anytime.

Where is he?

No, no, no.

He said hold on.

He said hold on for a second.

Aw, you know how to use the hole button.

He's going to get his manager.

Man, fuck hole.

That guy needs no hole.

Bring the manager there.

He wouldn't have been talking like that.

I'm back

Who wouldn't be talking like that

What the fuck you mean

I'm back

I ain't going nowhere

How's it going

What the hell you talking about

I ain't going nowhere

How you doing

What the hell you mean

How are you

What's up man

How are you doing tonight

I'm good what it do

That's good

You good chief

Oh my goodness man

Is this motherfucker

Going to be slow

Is this conversation

Going to be slow

What man

Come on now

You slow

Just trying to figure out

What's going on here

See

I'm going to put you

On hold for a minute

Then I'll be back

Why

Turn around and look at that security camera

And show us that big black dick ears

Don't talk to Jesus either

He didn't help you when your ancestors were enslaved

He's not going to help you now

Yeah it hurts

Truth hurts just like it burns

Okay anyways you were putting us on hold

Just go do whatever the fuck you're doing

Go on

Go pick your nose for 10 minutes and get paid for it.

Pick your nose for 10 minutes.

That's all you got to come up with?

Oh, motherfucking God.

His fingers are too big.

Where your mom at?

Well, his nostrils are big.

Put your mom on the phone.

Yeah.

All right, hold on.

Actually, give us your mom's number.

Actually, better yet, give us your dad.

Oh, wait.

Oh, you can't find him.

That sucks.

All 10 of them.

It's going to take him a second to get that, you guys.

How many fathers do you have?

He's been looking for 24 years.

How's that weave-headed bitch going?

They're called hair-headed hooligans.

What'd you say?

How's who?

How's your weave-headed bitch going?

She's doing fine.

How many baby mamas you got?

I was about to say, including your mama.

What was that?

You know your mama, how your mama be tricking.

And did they all put you on child support?

All of them?

You're probably going to end up in jail pretty soon for that.

Hey, bro.

Jamal put us up to this, bro.

You remember Jamal from church last summer?

You know how your mama be trying to trick you,

know your daddy be mad and shit,

because your mama out there checking the shit.

Next thing you know, she's got them ending up with a nigga.

You already know what it is, man.

I mean, you just got to face it, man.

The nigga's taking over.

Goddamn, that ain't shit you could do.

What exactly are they taking over?

Please tell me.

You ain't going to fight.

You're not going to fight.

You can't fight.

Y'all can't fight about it.

What the fuck you going to do?

You can't do nothing.

If you ain't going to fight about it, you can't do nothing.

Nothing, that's what you're going to do right now.

Do you want to have a fist fight?

You can't do nothing.

Come on, bring that down.

That's what I'm talking about.

Bring it down.

Okay.

Yeah, black people aren't really taking over really anything at all,

except for maybe like inner city morgues.

Oh, that's not the way.

Are we BTRing now?

What the fuck just happened?

We got a real digger right here.

We got this ignorant, ebonic-speaking man that works at Waffle House

who's being very ignorant.

Oh, what's his name, Leroy?

That's probably Tyrone or something.

Dwight's a dick, Dwight.

No, my name's Sarah.

I mean, Sarah, not Becky.

I give good shit.

You know, you ain't deal with no real fucking Italians.

I'm a man fucking man.

I'll come over there.

I'll grab that spatula and shove it right up your fucking ass.

We'll have ourselves a party.

Dwightie's got a bigger dick than most of you, plus he's not black.

Oh, my goodness.

It's not that Italian sausage.

Oh, yeah.

He's an Italian stallion.

I'm going to turn that flat top griddle up.

I'm going to put your bare-ass cheeks on that and fucking grill up some of that dark meat.

I mean, I'm a straight guy, but even I find it impressive.

Uh-huh.

Me too.

So what do you say there, Big Teeth?

You want to get into this or what?

Oh, he's quiet.

He's amazing.

Come on, horse gums.

Here we are.

Big gums.

Hello, buddy.

Hello.

Tyrone.

Hey, guy.

Daquan.

Shunkweese.

Guy.

Hey, guy.

Tyrese.

Tyreek.

Tyrone.

Anfernee?

Atari.

Atari, yeah, that's a good one.

Atari.

The United...

What was that?

Wait, what?

What is this?

This guy gets a job as part of his work release?

It's part of his parole?

He doesn't do this?

He goes back to prison where he gets fucked by men?

I think it's to pay the six baby mamas that put on child support.

Are you still there, Queefbeef?

He's still there.

Queefbeef?

Queefbeef.

Actually, that'd be good on a sandwich, maybe.

Does part of you kind of get off on this?

We should go on toast.

Let's go on Subway and ask for a Queef Beef sandwich.

That was Junior Prankster at the IRC.

That's not mine.

Queef Beef.

Yeah, that was Junior Prankster.

I can't claim credit for that.

No, that was good.

I like that.

Queef Beef.

The Junior Prankster's coming up.

And just so everyone knows, disclaimer, I'm totally not racist at all.

I'm very good at playing a racist person.

I am an octoroon.

I'm one-eighth black, so let's not.

And you have a big black dildo.

I'm actually a 1-8th Native American, too.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I'm part Native American myself, too.

Her favorite dildo is black.

Yes, my 18-inch black dildo.

I'm not racist, either.

I just know what buttons to push.

Oh, exactly, yeah, me too.

Morgan, put your dildo on Tiny Chan again.

I don't think any of us are.

Do you think Wonton and Llama's Dog could make a love connection?

Like, Llama's Dog likes to fetch dildos.

Maybe Wonton can carry one around

Wonton actually hasn't taken much interest

In any sex toys

Or dildos or anything like that

Really? Is he neutered?

No not yet he's getting neutered

On Tuesday

It's about time he's driving me insane

Poor guy

We do have the exact same dick

Except for yours is black and mine is

I guess white sort of

And yours is more bendy more flexible than mine

What the fuck

well it's been played with a lot hey are we ready for another waffle house

who wants i'm always down i got something here how you doing uh this is dwight i'm with mtv

entertainment uh i was calling to check uh we're on the road and we're gonna stop in to have a bite

to eat how busy are you guys tonight well we're gonna come in and we're gonna we're gonna reserve

serve a section of tables

of probably

25 people.

I mean, we don't really reserve tables.

Are you close? Because we're pretty dead right now.

So we got a few tables there.

Well, we have a special guest coming

in with us. We're actually bringing

I shouldn't really

be saying this, but we're going to

re-air the Honey

Boo Boo shows. And currently

we're on the road with her. And we're

going to bring the production team as well as the

actors in.

so we can get something to eat instead of having just this canned stuff we have in the RVs.

All right, that's fine.

So we need, like, an area for 25 people kind of corded off and some tables pushed together.

We

can't push our tables together like they're connected

to like the wall they're they're on the side of the wall then we have a bar and then we have okay

Okay, so what are they, like, booths?

Yeah, they're booths.

Okay.

Yeah, see, that's the issue.

I don't know if you've seen Mama June or the show at all, but she's a big woman.

She's probably pushing 600 pounds, and I don't know if we're going to be able to grease her into one of those booths.

Stop it.

That is too funny.

We have chairs, though, if you want.

We can, like, pull up the chairs.

Oh, you got chairs?

Yeah, but if you're saying she's, like, 600 pounds.

Yeah, she's approaching six bills at least.

Okay, well, we don't reserve tables, so they're kind of like tomes and chairs.

Okay, if the production picks up the costs,

is there any way that we could just get the building shut down for about an hour just for us while we're in there?

I can't honestly answer that because our manager is not here.

What was that sound you were making?

What sound?

To tell you the truth, it sounded like you were approaching maximum orgasm there for a second.

No.

Oh, okay.

It sounded like a lot of moaning, and I could have been mistaken.

It could have been people on the bus here.

But, yeah, we want to just, if we could, just reserve the whole building.

Get somebody else on the phone.

Yeah, yeah.

If you could just converse with somebody else, yeah, that'd be great.

Hello?

Yeah, hello.

Yes, did you need an order?

Oh, no.

She didn't explain anything to you.

She just rifled the phone over to you, huh?

okay yeah this is dwight um with mtv productions and uh we're traveling down the road right now

and i was calling trying to reserve a section of tables for 25 people uh we currently are on the

road doing some filming and she told me you don't really reserve any tables um that's why i was

trying to see if we could just reserve the whole restaurant because we currently uh are in the

process of refilming some uh of the honey boo boo series and we're going to be bringing in

of course honey boo boo and mama june and she was informing me about the table situation and she said

you did have chairs because she's a big woman and she's not going to slide to one of those booths

yeah we don't reserve any tables are reserved right but but can i reserve the entire restaurant

if the production company just go ahead and picks up the tab i don't do that or whatever at night

we don't have a like on-site manager at night so well i mean i'm talking you know 25 people and

And, of course, we're going to be tipping at 30%.

Okay, well, just come on in and you'll have a place to sit.

Okay, well, I need it sectioned off a little bit.

I don't need the townies coming in there and trying to harass Mama June or Huddy Boo Boo at all.

Well, if y'all have bodyguards or whatever, then they can have a bit of it.

Well, no, no, no.

I mean, we don't need bodyguards because nobody's, excuse my language, but nobody's trying to fuck that.

So, fine.

Fine, you bitch.

She's a Christian.

Can't say that.

If she was going to let me get it far enough, I was going to tell her we were filming a fucking Honey Boo Boo porno with Mama June.

Oh, yeah.

Did she get offered money for that and turn it down?

I have no idea.

They all do when they hit a certain point.

And yes, guys, I'm well aware that Honey Boo Boo is not on MTV.

Because originally I was going to go with the 16 and Pregnant and then realized I didn't know any of the 16 and Pregnant bitches' names.

That's probably a good thing.

I know there was that one and she ended up doing her own porno.

over yeah she ended up doing like some backdoor action she's like i'm not getting pregnant again

just fuck me in the ass they're all pretty gross looking on that show yeah she's got a good point

though i just don't know why nobody can act normal like i watched part of that and like it's just

goofy the banter back and forth between her and the guy it's like well it's just normal most of

it's like scripted you know he's like oh you have such a nice ass why are you looking at my ass it's

He's like, come the fuck on.

You're about to fuck her in the ass.

That's why you're talking about it.

Alright, we got a partial living room for rent.

Dwight, these are four-year numbers here.

Partial living room?

He's got cordoned off by curtains.

Does he have like a styrofoam wall

that he's built in the middle of the living room?

You don't get the whole living room.

You get a partial living room.

I think whoever talks to him should demand the full living room.

It's in Maui.

$500, 200 square foot.

I don't know if the living room is 200 square foot

or if it's $400, and he's

splitting it. Holy fuck.

Oh, for rent, I got it.

Let's see. Dividers.

It has dividers. With room dividers.

Don't suck.

You can share the kitchen, bath, and the three-bedroom

two-bath home with six adults.

We have dogs and cats.

Do you happen to remember

the call we did? I think it was in

Hawaii, Carlito, where it was all

sectioned off by sheets,

and they were bunk beds all over the place.

I was just about to say, some people call

That's probably not even legal.

It shouldn't be.

It's probably against the zoning laws.

Because that's when we

called and asked if they were renting to dirty people

and all that shit.

Yeah, and he says, please no jobs,

drugs,

need job, no drugs,

heavy drinkers, or overnighters.

Were you allowed to

ejaculate onto the sheets?

Yeah, you had to fuck?

Again, this is on the

the Napauli Bay

Maui.

Your call has been forwarded to...

All that set up for that...

Oh, The Goonies turned

30th anniversary.

Is that Kanakas?

What's Kanakas?

Kanakas, yeah.

Yep, The Goonies movie turned

30th anniversary.

I still regret not having sex with

Corey Feldman when I had the chance.

Part of me regrets it, yeah.

You should have did it.

he's a creepy little guy though

he's just so creepy and little

when they tried to do their reunion

they could have talked about you

he has all of his quote unquote

angels that he like surrounds himself

with

he thinks he's some sort of like playboy

Casanova guy

he's legendary

Lost Boys

have you seen any of the music videos

that he's put out in the last five years

they're horrible

horrible he was in the in uh the burbs with tom hanks i like the lost boys i thought that was

pretty good movie did you see he's definitely been in a lot of really good stuff did you see

the latest one they did where he came back yeah he came back as one of the frog brothers but the

other one was dead like a vampire supposedly got him and shit lame or was it any good yeah it's

pretty lame yeah i'm gonna post one of the music videos i'm actually gonna watch that first one

I haven't seen that in a long time.

Hey, we got, so, what are we, who are we calling here?

Who am I at now?

Michael, what, Georgia?

That's funny, I guess.

Direct TV Complainer.

Really must be basing their word off a horse.

99% my ass.

I definitely see signal lost closer to, whatever, okay.

Complaining about a signal.

And he's calling them horses.

I love Direct TV.

Yeah.

I don't have it.

Hello?

Yes, hi, this is Carl.

I'm calling from DirecTV.

I see you had a complaint regarding our service.

Is there something I can help you with?

Well, actually, I need to change my plan.

And also, like, I guess it was just a comment based on the commercial

because they were saying that they have, like, 99%, I guess, coverage or something like that.

And that's definitely not the case with mine.

Well, you put a dirty word on there.

Well, I didn't.

No, you didn't.

What dirty word?

You said 99% my, and you said the A word.

Well, I put the at symbol and an S and an S.

It's still, the computer here registers that.

Gotcha.

Are you able to change my plan?

Yeah, I'll transfer you through to get the plan, but there's probably going to be a fee for that.

Unless you can, like, delete.

Can you delete the tweet?

Wait, there's a fee to change my plan?

No, there's a fee for, you know, for, like, saying bad things about the company.

Sometimes, sometimes.

times i mean i'll i'll do what i can so that the agent doesn't charge it on there all right well

so you're saying direct tv if i tweet something bad about them i'll charge something out of my

bill yeah it's a customer customer slander fee i think it's called now yeah but yeah don't worry

i mean i'm sure it'll work out all right give me a second just a moment i'll put you through

good evening this is dwight how can i help you yes i wanted to change my plan

no game can i have your first name sir michael davis all right and do you mind if i call you

mike that's fine all right taking a look here and uh do you know what the uh current plan you're on

sir um uh i had it pulled up i'd have to go back to the website but i'm not sure okay uh let me see

if i can get this pulled up it looks like uh let's see i'm sorry the computer's being a little slow

Oh, I'm trying to pull it up.

So you were having issues with your...

Was it too expensive or...

Yeah.

Yeah, sometimes it can, you know...

Yeah, it's coming up to like $189 now or something like that.

Yeah, sometimes when you're kind of poor and stuff,

you can't afford stuff like this anymore.

Hang on, it's almost up here.

I'm not even poor.

It's about more so $2 million.

Oh, no, no, you don't have to explain it to me.

It's okay.

okay i've heard it i've heard it all it's all right i'm just kind of surprised that you would

use that wording well i'm sorry what was that so i guess i'm just surprised that you would use that

wording oh uh well i don't i don't know uh so did you have let's see you're probably uh oh you got

all the movie channels and everything are you rocking the premiere is that what you got yeah

the premiere and the one with 315 channels yeah all right uh so what are we looking at going we uh

uh can you afford $19.99 a month i mean we're trying to special they have right now well uh

what i can do is i can get you the uh the choice which is 175 plus channels uh for $19.99 a month

and you'll have to sign a new contract for 12 months.

And, yeah, that'll be $19.99.

That's $10 off the normal price.

And that's what we try to do for our welfare clients.

What is a welfare client?

What the fuck are you talking about?

Well, you know, normally when people call in, they're on the welfare.

Basically, they're trying to get something for free.

I try to work with them.

Are you with DirecTV?

Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, is there something I'm not doing to your satisfaction?

No, you're definitely very inappropriate.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm almost.

I mean, would you like to speak to my supervisor, I guess?

Yes, please. What is your name?

Give me a second. I'm going to get him back on the line.

I believe he's the one that transferred me. Hang on.

I'm going to put you on hold.

Hey, Mr. Beef.

Yeah.

Listen, you remember that guy?

You just transferred him over to me to lower his bill?

Yeah, what's up?

Yeah, well, he's still on the phone.

He's being a fucking asshole.

And, you know, I told him, you know, the people that call in that want to lower their bill,

they're welfare people, and he doesn't believe me.

He says I'm being inappropriate, and he wants to talk to you.

Oh, yeah, all right, go on, pull him through.

All right, hang on.

This is Mr. Cross, sir.

Oh, yeah, he didn't like that.

You should call him back and just be like, we're disconnected.

Something must have happened

when you were an old.

Your call has been forwarded

to an audience.

I'll try one more time.

Hello?

Yes, hi, this is Mr. Cross.

I think we might have lost you

on that transfer there.

there hey man don't call my phone again sir you just easy yeah i think i'm going i'm starting to

crash and i want to watch game of thrones where i go to sleep and yeah yeah and look the time

says exactly an hour since i came back so yeah yeah yay thank you for having me yeah thanks for

being on morgan and everyone else i will let you all except for milkman go thank you to you morgan

And to Dwight, thank you

And to Baz and Pearlman

And Greenbee who didn't talk

Oh, I'm sorry

It's okay, you don't have to do anything

Just sit there

That's all you gotta do

Alright, Milkman, are you still here?

He's gonna be on the meeting for a while, probably

Won't be a long time

Take some hours sometimes

He drops the phone while he's driving

It gets under the gas pedal

Anyway, I'm hanging up on everyone

Except for Milkman

and we'll wait and see if he reconnects.

In the meantime, I will thank you all for hanging in there

with the technical difficulties that we had earlier,

that I had earlier.

But if you didn't get a chance to go to the homepage of the show

and of myself, be sure to do that before long.

That's madhouselive.com.

Also, of course, I have prankcallnation.com

that needs to be visited by you.

You heard Dwight and Morgan and Baz.

All of them are hosts.

on this network and there are a lot more yeah be sure to do that also uh subscribe to my youtube

channel i do have a youtube channel although it's been a while since it's been updated i'm looking

to start getting into that again doing the show on youtube live etc etc um i have two channels i

have madhouse radio which is for the shows and some of the older prank calls and then the new

prank call youtube channel is madhouse classics madhouse classics and that's run by one of my

my listeners does a really good job he helps out um with that and he edits the prank calls for me

in video form so thanks to everyone who gets a chance to go over there milkman are you back yet

sir shit he might be with a customer i'll keep bullshitting for a few more minutes um i will

aim to do a daytime show this week i love doing them if anyone out there listening can provide

me with well it's probably too late now unless you already had a copy of the sunday paper if

If you happen to have picked one up today and feel like maybe snapping a few photos of the help wanted job ads from the Sunday local paper for you,

go ahead and send those over to me.

My email is madhouseradio at gmail.com.

Also, anybody interested in helping me out, track down and coordinate with some of the different personalities throughout the history of Madhouse Radio.

Uh, there is a 10 year anniversary show coming up on July 16th, that's a Thursday, I believe it's the 16th, um, I'm gonna be doing a 12 hour mini marathon by myself, it'll be the longest that I have been on the air, um, doing just the show, I'm kind of excited about it, it's gonna be a tour de force for me, being on for 12 hours, it's not the easiest thing, but hopefully I'll have a lot of help.

But anyway, I'm trying to track down people like Reclude and Crazy Fucker

and trying to coordinate with people like KDK and Zolard.

It's going to take some planning to get all the timing right.

So if someone is really good with stuff like time management

and trying to find people that have gone off the grid a little bit,

get with me.

Send me an email.

Again, that email was madhouseradio at gmail.com.

Milkman, last check.

Are you back yet, sir?

Milkman, Milkman, Milkman, Milkman.

All right, I got to let Milkman go.

and i gotta go i gotta log on to hbo go speaking of goes i gotta log on to hbo go to go watch that

game of thrones machine and i will edit out the star wars spoiler that didn't happen but that was

not a it wasn't a real spoiler don't worry guys that's not really what's gonna happen what i said

about the thing that's gonna happen that's not true don't worry about it we'll be okay

nothing is spoiled see you guys next week if not sooner thank you

Thank you.

Calls (45, 2 h 5 min of 3 h 49 min)

Transcript

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