Shishu

What the hell is this?

Some guy joke?

I'm not putting my phone in the microwave.

What the hell's the matter with you, man?

Okay, you're an asshole.

But we don't have this, uh, shishu.

We don't have this name in our store.

I'm not playing no fucking games, man.

I, I fuck you, son of a bitch.

Stop making us get the callings.

You're out of your crazy mind.

You ain't getting no goddamn dollars.

I'll fuck you all night long.

You're not perfect.

Why don't you piss off?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

Seriously, man, you and me, we're fucking done refreshing your fucking ass.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the main event of the evening.

And those in attendance and fans watching around live.

All right, people. Hi, I'm Carlito, the host of the show, Madhouse Radio.

I've just started my show. With me here is Milkman. Milkman.

I'm so glad Melodious Tones, my brother, how have you been?

I do hear you. Thank you for being here and for showing me your tones.

Jen Stewart's here? Jen Stewart?

What?

Hey, man, I'm half here. I don't even know what the fuck's going on.

I just wanted to come on and chat.

Yeah.

I'm tired.

You came at the right time, Jen. All right.

Happy Father's Day.

Did you call your dad for Father's Day? Did you say happy Father's Day?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get that

You sent him a fax?

I sent it to my dad earlier

And he was like, yeah, yeah, I'll do it

Send him a telephone

Gina's not a father yet, is he?

No

Still practicing

It'll happen someday

Stop fucking around

Yeah, that's right

Settle down

Yeah, well, happy Father's Day, everybody

Let's get right to it

Here's a Santa home heating and cooling machine hotline

Santa Home Heating and Cooling.

I don't know what to do at all with that.

All services are busy now.

Please try your call again later.

Oh, I forgot to dial 1.

Calling Santa Energy.

Your call may be monitored and recorded for training purposes.

You have reached our 24-hour emergency service line.

Our hours are Monday through Thursday from 7.30 a.m. to 5.00 p.m.

and Friday from 7.30 a.m. to 4.00 p.m.

If this is an emergency, press 9 to reach the emergency dispatcher.

To leave a message for the next business day, 3...

I lost both gin and milk, man.

Please wait while I transfer your call.

More of them boys.

Santa, emergency service.

Hey, how you doing?

Okay, and yourself?

I have an emergency.

What's the problem?

The machine doesn't go.

Well burner?

No, the machine, the main machine.

It's not working.

It's not working, the main machine.

They told me that you have a contract with us, I guess.

What machine are you talking about?

The main machine, the main machine that you guys work on.

What or what?

It makes the stuff go, the stuff goes through it and changes it.

There's Carly.

The stuff changes it, you know?

The what, I'm sorry?

The stuff changes it, you know what I'm talking about?

No, I don't.

Man, it changes the thing when it goes through the machine.

It's not working.

What changes?

Man, the main servicing part.

Of what?

Uh, where the light comes on? It has lights that come on? You know what I mean?

No, I don't know.

Your machine doesn't have a light or something? What's wrong?

What machine are you talking about?

The main heating and cooling machine.

Okay, so what? You have no hot water?

No, it's not going. It's not going. It doesn't go.

What's the address?

It's 201 Horse Machine Ranch Road.

Okay, who is this?

My name is Cross.

What?

Cross.

Who is this guy?

You guys got to hurry up because I got to take a big shit.

And I've been holding it for a while.

I guess you're out of luck, huh?

Can you deliver a porta potty at least that I can use to take a shit?

Nah, I can't help you there.

You could take it right away after.

Yeah, whatever.

Come on.

I'll let you take it away real quick.

Just let me take a shit in it.

Okay.

Do you have a bathroom where you are?

Goodbye.

Do you have a toilet there?

Hello?

Do you have the toilets that you use?

The toilet?

Honey, you're still there.

Come on.

come on you fucking new york jew motherfucker you all right that was gone now let me see is that uh

did that cut off because of the new shit i'm using skype kept cutting off phone work great

on our new system here but i lost milkman engine at the same time i placed the call and they've

continued to fail throughout that then let me try to call milkman maybe there's a port conflict or

something let me see what port i got skype using over here hey boy i'm trying to fix this so hey

Hey, me and Jen are on the other line here.

Yeah, get out.

Tell Jen to make himself on green, available.

You know, maybe that's part of it.

Jen, make yourself available.

That's what it is.

Okay.

Can he hear you?

Jen, you're not green.

He can't hear you.

If he can hear you, he can hear me on the air.

Okay, I don't know what's going on here.

Okay, okay, you're trying to add him to the call.

Yeah, he said he's busy.

Go over back to the other call, maybe, and tell him,

Hey, get out of that one.

Carlito's trying to call you on a new one.

All right.

but um he's already disconnected yes okay i'll try him again yeah all right well yeah we'll get

him i'm working okay i'm gonna message him okay i see on red he probably hasn't heard it yet so

i won't message him yeah maybe he's got to be on red i don't know all right we're calling uh lg

electronics machines we're supposed to call before midnight that's their closing listen everyone

before we do that prank call nation.com is my website machine or our website machine for this

prank call network that i'm on of course i'm also on blue planet prank radio tonight

blue planet prank radio.com.com right yeah that's that i think oh man i always mess it up blue

planet let me test it blue planet prank radio.com yes i was right uh-huh that's ted webb's server

jim's still stuck on connecting i don't know he said he was having a connecting issue he responded

to me i told him to turn it to okay sorry about that yeah there you are hey buddy you're back

hey all right hi hi hi hi i'm just in the chat trying to get my fucking password working sorry

about this guys you okay man you just having a little bit of wine red wine yeah no i don't know

i took some uh something called pregabalin so it's like it's nice man it's like wow oh wow but

i'm taking something else um which actually works but i still get the the drugs because i you know

and it's free oh wow dude that's great yeah you guys have a great machine system there

yeah but you gotta be put they tell you know they tell us but you'll have to be put on a

waiting list if you're gonna get a heart transplant i don't know something like that

if you need a good big surgery immediately you'll put on a waiting list do you get a

waiting list to see a doctor like is it hard to get it no no no i can't fight i can just call

the doctor and he will either come here or i will go there yeah he'll come no he'll come to your

house they do house calls still yeah why not really if you can't if you can't go there it's

an inconvenience the only way you can get a house call these days is if you're ultra rich or you

have your friend is the doctor you know or your family members like i know a couple of doctors

so it works for me you know but uh the surgery i go to the doctor i guess a friend of a friend

but it doesn't really matter i mean i think you can call a doctor if you're not in a position

to go to the surgery they will come to you wow you hear that milkman what you see and the republicans

don't want us to have that man and the democrats why the fuck not and the democrats to be honest

democrats you didn't want us to have that either you didn't want us to have the open option the

whole time you wanted to loosen the reins democrats but you wanted to keep the insurance companies in

power you blue dog democrats i'm looking at you motherfuckers i'm sorry dude they gave us a public

public option if they didn't want it to be a big business deal yeah so they everybody even the

democrats caved in somewhat to big business it's called the insurance company to say hey man hey

mr senator here's uh three thousand dollars for your next election you know wink wink i work for

blue cross blue shield of florida wink wink you know i'm not saying anything i'm just saying i

support you president and i support you for senator and when you run again that's what

what happened and now yeah we got the name yeah what the fuck yeah well jen good i'm glad you

have a great medical system over there jim jen can elucidate welcome to lg electronics

talking out of your head while you're on the bus you are going to order parts

hey this is lg you know the company you can yeah oh yeah yeah you want some parts

Sorry, I didn't get that.

If you are calling to order parts or accessories,

say part.

Parts.

For repair or replacement parts,

you will be transferred to an authorized parts distributor.

No, I want a fucking new one, you know?

I want a big-ass monitor or a phone or something.

Well, just get the parts for it.

Oh.

See if you can get it cheaper that way.

Yeah, I've got a great idea.

Let me speak to you.

Okay, please tell me your time zone.

You can say Eastern.

Eastern.

Operator!

Sorry, I didn't get that.

Okay, please tell me your time zone.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Some of them put you through faster if you're cursed.

T-Mobile does.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Shit, fuck, cock, cock, ass.

Thank you.

Sorry, I didn't get that.

Okay, please tell me your time zone.

You can say Eastern.

Sorry, I didn't get that.

What type of product are you calling about?

Television.

Operator.

Television remote.

Eastern.

Is that correct?

Yes.

What type of product are you calling about?

You can say something like refrigerator, TV, or mobile phone.

Dildo.

TV.

Don't confuse them.

Come on, Elmer.

You make it take longer.

TV.

Google TV.

Is that correct?

Yes.

To participate in a customer experience survey after your call, say yes.

Yes.

Fuck no.

What did you say?

Maybe it's someone.

One moment while I connect you.

This call may be monitored.

Thank you for calling LG Home Entertainment last year.

This is Ross.

Are you calling from the phone number?

Yes.

Okay, so it indicates to you that this is the first time that you've called LG, am I right?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, may I have your first and last name, please?

Thank you.

Marvin Cross.

Okay.

Thank you for that information, sir.

And then are you calling about the TV tonight?

Yeah, it's a piece of shit fucking TV.

May I ask what is the issue that you've said that on the TV?

Oh, I'll put Marvin on because this is his fucking TV.

It's a PAL TV, not HTSC, whatever.

Marvin, how are you?

Yeah, hi.

Hi, how you doing there?

Hello, sir.

I'm fine.

Hi.

Hi, how are you?

I'm actually okay, sir.

How about you?

Okay, that's...

No, I'm not good, man.

I want my...

I got this television here, you know, this LG.

I don't even know why it doesn't work.

And I want to get a couple of new TVs.

Can you hook me up?

Okay.

Okay, may I just ask first, what is the issue that you're talking about on the TV?

Is it not connecting to the internet?

No, I went into the shop, right?

And there was an LG TV and I went up to it and it didn't work.

So I want to get a couple of new ones there.

And I want to put them in my house, you know?

I got a big ass house.

I see.

So may I ask, how is it not working?

The TV is not turning on?

I don't know, man.

Man, I don't know about technology.

You know, I'm kind of stupid.

I just, you know, I take too many fucking drugs.

Okay.

So you can hook a brother up with the new TV or, you know, how do I make this work, you know?

Okay.

May I just verify, sir, what are you trying to do on the TV?

Do you want to access the applications of the TV?

No, I want to watch some pornos with my friend there.

And we want to, you know, like, get, you know, we just want to sit down and make the TV work.

I see.

Is it not playing the videos?

No, it's not playing the porno.

No.

Okay.

Are you playing the videos in a DVD player?

No, we're streaming that from the phone, you know, because we got mobile phones.

We got cellular phones.

And we want to put the porno on there and stream it to the big TV, but it doesn't work.

I see.

sir may ask what is the type of connection you're trying to i don't know man you're talking you're

talking gavity schwack there i don't have any idea what the technology is you gotta help me

with that what what am i looking for on this big ass television that doesn't work i think you know

i think you should just send two new ones i think i i want two new tvs lg oh okay so if you do want

If you want to have a new two TVs, we do have our executive service team who can assist you with that, okay?

You can help me with the new television?

For your new television, sir, you should have an HDMI cable to connect your phone into the TV.

Oh, I can put the HDMI cable into my phone, and then that goes into the television, and I can watch my porno with my friend?

Yes, yes.

Oh, my God, that's so awesome.

Okay, how do I do that?

How do I get that to work?

Do you have an HDMI cable there?

No, I don't.

What does it look like?

The HDMI cables are in both ends.

It's just like a USB cable connection for phones, okay?

I don't think I have anything like that.

Do you think I could do it with, like, a paper clip or something like that?

You know, I could stick, like, because it's metal, right?

It's metal, so it's a conductor of electricity.

So if I stick that in, you know, one end of the phone and the other into the television,

why would that not work?

okay sir paper clip won't work on that okay what so uh the paper clip won't work

why it's it's metal it should work uh actually sir no it should not it will not work it will

not work you should uh yes sir you need an hdmi cable okay uh-huh that uh if you don't have one

i advise you to get one to your near can you give me one do you have one there you must have one

near you okay ah the hdmi cable yeah so regarding in this case uh you need to purchase it okay

yeah okay i got money can you just give it to me though can you like come over and uh you know with

my friend and me and we can just you know the three of us we could just you know you could

you could bring the hdmi you could be the man you know okay if i if i can only do that sir because

We're actually very far from your place

No, come on

I got a jet, you can take my jet

Okay

You coming over or what?

You know we're going to watch some porno

What kind of porno you like?

Okay, so if you want to

Have me as your TV

Yeah, I want your help

It doesn't work, you know man

I just want you to come over and help me

Just bring a couple new TVs

And maybe HDMI cable

And you know what, bring a couple more guys

And you know we can just you know just walk around the shit. You know I can touch your ass

What do you look like describe your face

We could not we could not get into

Sounded very interested you were saying you were doing the Marvin off

for a while

I can't reset my fucking password

on this god damn fucking

chat room

oh no really

I don't know

oh man chat room

fix chat room fix it

they'll get on it

I wanted to announce real quick before I forget

later on in the show that we were speaking

about blue planet prank radio earlier

and we did have Ted on the web a few weeks

ago saying he was putting final touches

which is on an Android app, and that's already been released.

It's available.

It's in the Google Play Store, the Blue Planet Prank Radio app.

It basically plays, I believe it plays his rotation automatically.

I mean, if you have shoutcast capabilities and such,

if you know how to get around with that, you're already able to listen to him,

but this makes it a lot easier for the layman.

So I'm going to share it with your friends.

And just download, just install it, just give him some help.

It's free.

Help, yeah.

Yeah.

Teto, Ebo, man.

Hell yeah, man.

Download it for the labium.

I'm definitely going to download it.

That's the best source.

If you just want to hear, and I say this all the time, but if you want to hear prank calls

during the day when there's not a live show, or any time really, he's got the best source

anywhere in the world.

These are solid, historic prank calls.

These aren't like a lot of brand new ones.

This is stuff that's like long, long tested many, many moons ago.

Yeah.

From the Brill Building.

He cut her on some of this stuff.

That's right.

If I listen to that horrible stuff, you get some kind of brilliant people like Jen Stewart and my man Carlito, kids.

So there's not a bad source to listen to.

Yeah, Jen Stewart's on there.

Jen Stewart.

Yeah, well, you got to check out that Jen Stewart.

I don't even know what's happening.

JenStewart.com.

No donkeys.

No, no, don't say that.

No donkeys.

Fuck, I need to do this.

No donkeys.

No donkeys for you.

listen we got freshly cut cedar plus others for so i love the smell of some cedar let's get let

me get some cedar setter let me see if i gotta do you have to use the one all the time yeah i

always have to use your international if you can drink your cedar it's probably shider i have to

adjust the dialing patterns on this application so i can just drop them in there and then it

reminds us to have hello yes hi i see that you have uh some cedar yes what did you cut them

What kind of size did you cut them up into?

What size kind there?

What it is, is they're still logs.

It's where the TVA comes through and cut them away from the electric wires or the wires that go through here.

They have a right-of-way on our property, and they just cut them down.

They sheared them.

Bastards.

You know, as far as the limbs go, and they laid them down.

They're still logs.

They're brand new.

Those bastards.

How they killed those beautiful cedars?

Yeah.

Were you upset?

that they just well i didn't want them to take them but there wasn't nothing i could do you know

when tva does that he does it you know you could have you could have fought that you could have

asked them they could do an appeal they have to give you it gives them 30 days they're on my

property they took them and laid them over so we could have them they're mine i know but if you tell

them not to cut something down they have to uh work on it for 30 days by law they have to yeah

uh-huh and you can yeah they said that they notified us but we didn't get any notification

I got a ranch.

You got a ranch, too?

I got a ranch on Horse Machine Ranch Road.

It's a new development out here.

We've got a lot of 20-acre ranches, brand new.

Solar ranches.

No, I haven't raised it.

We've had this proper.

We bought it back in the early, late 70s.

Oh, wow.

Anyway, we haven't farmed it or anything.

My husband, you know, we had gardens and things like that.

We just raised five children.

And, you know, did what we could.

happy father's day to your husband by the way pardon happy father's day to your husband uh he

passed away in october ah shit i'm sorry fuck that's okay oh fucking shit i'm so fucking sorry

oh my god stupid oh i'm so stupid i am so that's fine i just you know just life sorry so all right

well anyway so yeah these people came by the pva whatever they're called they they came by my house

my property over here and they're like yeah we're gonna take down these three oak trees over here

and i said bullshit i said like that and i pulled a shotgun on the motherfuckers they probably what

day they came they come down on friday thursday friday i bet i think it was last you see last

week oh yeah i see then they hit my place the next day on thursday oh okay and i pulled the

gun out i pulled a shotgun i said you motherfuckers get the fuck off my property and went like that

went like that and like all right all right and they got out they ain't motherfuckers better not

come back man i got five pit bulls i underfeed so they're kind of crazy you know i'll let them

loose i'll let them loose on the motherfuckers anyway yeah so i love the smell of cedar you

know it smells so fucking good oh i like just to put the i want to put just the logs around the

house you know yeah why don't you are there different sizes and i you know like i said i

I don't have any idea.

I'm just having people come in and look at them and see if they want any.

Okay.

What they want and give me a price on them.

Okay.

All right.

Well, how about I come down and look at them and see if y'all take it off your hands, little lady?

When are you thinking about?

I'm free all day tomorrow, whenever, night, after work.

I don't know what you got.

I don't work.

I'm retired.

Well, my son will have to be here when you do because he's going to take care of everything.

I know.

You don't want me to be there with you alone because I'm fucking hot.

No, I have an older son that lives here on the property with me.

I mean, you know, he's in another house.

Yeah, but you've got to be careful.

He's not able to get out and do things.

He's got a back injury.

You just can't be letting any man come down there, little lady, no matter what.

You can't just be letting any man be going down there seeing you for stuff for sale.

You've got to make sure you've got your son.

No, I don't.

Yeah, that's right.

They watch out for me.

because you know men like me i'm i'm a good man you know but a lot of times women lose control

around me because i'm i have a lot of pheromones that i produce you know and the women start

getting all wet down there i'm not heaving and hollering and they're climbing up on top of me

i don't go along with what you're saying sir you know you know what sex is you know how you made

that boy oh wow i'd rather you not talk that way to me oh i'm sorry i'm sorry you're a married

well not but yeah i'm sorry for serious now i think we should maybe just back out of this deal

i know that there's a sexual tension tension between you and me but i'm not interested in

you i'm sorry and i've tried telling you this several times now and i've had to explain to

you over i'm just not that into you okay is that okay all right yeah now she understands i turned

it around on her yeah i feel bad are you guys okay i like that sexual tension dude that was nice

jen are you okay where you're posting i'm fine bro i'm really i'm okay man if you were with me i'd

give you a big hug right now i love you if you need to get in the chat i guess enigma sent a

message he's in there right now that's okay wait a second wait a second carly said didn't you have

a birthday fucking yesterday yesterday yeah buddy yeah how the fuck was i sent you a message on uh

whatsapp oh you did yeah you did yeah you know what happened is i got all my other family members

and pr sent me messages and you just got a lot yeah i'm sorry i used was the first one though

so oh nice but it was good you had fun uh yeah i had fun i got pancakes fresh made pancakes

fucking awesome do you think we could get someone to sing happy birthday to you like a belated

happy birthday on the phone no i had that happy happy happy birthday hermanito happy happy birthday

birthday to you see it's a birthday of the hermanito everybody so we're going to celebrate

it today before we go too far happy birthday today the big zolar zolar from party nation

solar vision turns 48 today yeah i don't know i don't know how old he is but he's celebrating

that birthday today yeah yeah oh man we love man i love pretzels i think

think i drive white tall

contract egbert sodas man i finally got a hold of some export soda in the green tin

fuck yeah man yeah dude they got a whole shillow for a dollar 99 man i feel like i'm on the island

right now eating this and listening to music in the back and carlo hermano in the house in the

a chat fucking busting yeah baby i've had many meals i have had well i've had many late night

snacks that have been like that was sliced american cheese singles craft singles and

dipping them in coffee oh it's so fucking good maybe a little margarine on that motherfucker

yeah margarine's bad for you right jen you don't use margarine right what are you talking about

margarine you know what margarine is they have that margarine margarine yeah yeah yeah that's

a shit that's disgusting yeah you fry shit with it right yeah but you use like what like irish

clarified butter or something no come on man i use olive oil i can cook really nicely yeah

but when something calls for butter like potatoes or something like that yeah yeah you put that on

after you don't fry with that shit yeah but what do you use good butter do you use like a nice

clean by antibiotic free butter no just get some like yeah just some normal salted butter

slightly salted i think it's too salty but you know salted butter yeah butter champions

The champions.

The people who missed the target in the Olympics.

The fucking archery.

Are you serious?

You hit the wrong target.

Motherfucker.

Why are you doing this?

I know.

I'm sorry.

Fucking archery.

I know.

Fuck archery, right?

They did you wrong, man.

They kicked you out and everything.

I'm going to get one of these fucking arrows and shoot you.

The guy's got a forearm as big around as my thigh.

I mean, people don't understand how strong this man is.

I mean, he'll grab a microphone and crush it without even thinking.

I mean, you've got to see the skills this guy has.

His middle finger is the size of his thumb.

I'm serious, man.

His forearm is the size of my thigh, dude.

Who are you talking about?

I'm talking about you, the arching champion.

You're talking about me?

The Olympic arching champion.

What are you talking about?

I'm not an archer.

Dude, your left arm is as big as my thigh, man.

Yeah, so is my cock.

Your forearm.

Yeah.

What the fuck are you talking about?

I've got like a 250-pound archery boat.

Oh, archery.

Yeah, okay, fuck it.

I'm an archer.

I'm the Green Arrow.

Yeah, the Green Arrow.

Oliver Queen.

Salute.

The most qualified of all of us.

The Olympic champion, my friend.

You know, the comic books, the Green Arrow was the only guy that was able to defeat Superman

with the help of Batman.

Yeah, he shot him.

He shot Superman with a kryptonite arrow.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, think about it.

Red Robin, where they got hamburgases.

Let's do it.

I didn't get my

birthday hamburger

let me see if I can

still get it today

right shit

I forgot to dial one

all up

get your free

grand slam too man

that's true

yeah

do you think

they'll let me get it

yeah

one day

I want to see

you should try to get

them to sing

happy birthday

they didn't sing

thanks for calling

Red Robin

we're Burger Lovers

Unite

how can we be of

service to you

to place a to-go order

press 1

for directions

and hours of operation

press 2

to reach a member

of our hospitality team

i'm fucked up too jim we can't wait to see you buddy come on i said one motherfucker oh yeah

that's why one but i said one i was hitting escape that's stupid happy birthday jim it's

not my birthday all right no red robin all that fun for nothing no french fries no french we'll

call a different one later excuse me so yeah man sourdough pretzels good stuff oh sourdough

oh my god wow you like that sourdough yeah yeah oh i love it there's a pizzeria near here they do

wood-fired pizzas and they do also the sour bread and it's just fucking like a sour bread man we got

great sourdough bread out here in san francisco bro that's like kind of like you come about here

dude you'll like it hey you know what i learned that uh has a big sourdough thing is uh alaska

has some sourdoughs like the actual starter the mother of it you know has been alive

since the 1800s, like early

1800s. Lots of skill

being passed down and going. They take sourdough

apparently really serious in some

parts of Alaska. I had no clue.

It's big in San

Francisco, man. It's like

where they basically started at, or the claim

is. I like sourdough with

scrambled eggs. Motherfucker,

I was about to say that. It's such a brilliant

breakfast. In fact, there is a video

on YouTube. Gordon

Ramsey shows you how to do this properly.

and it's like uh it's it's scrambled eggs made properly obviously on a lovely toasted uh sourdough

slice that's where he makes the tomatoes right on the olive oil he does the tomatoes right on

the vine right like exactly oh yes that was brilliant yeah yeah oh fucking hell it's just

amazing it's just oh wow he's a cool dude it's a genius i like it he's a cool dude

he's like and he's really like he's fit you know he's in good shape he does all this marathon

shit as well because his wife pushes him to do it his wife is his wife good looking i know i've

seen her on the show she's okay she's all right she's all right yeah she's nice yeah we've talked

about that show before the american version which you find is really good oh it's so funny i was

like i ain't no bitch yeah he had to oh fucking hell he almost had a fight with him because he

wouldn't answer the stupid question he's like so who did you pick to give out what two people

he's like well he just goes into a spiel and doesn't answer he's like hey you got a problem

listening like i'm telling such a fucking psycho he went right up to he went right up to gordon

ramsay and gordon's just like yeah badass just stood there like yeah okay go on then ramsay's

like look at you he's just like look at you yes look at you how do you how do you look at yeah

come on you want to go did you see the one where gordon all got slapped by this old lady and he

caught her hand no really what do you think you're doing it's fucking brilliant oh was that

hell's kitchen or the nightmares kitchen uh i i'm no it's hell's kitchen yeah house kitchen but it

was like some special celebrity thing uh-huh you've reached noah with more stands work out

anytime i wasn't able to sorry indeed this guy has a glock 42 it's a gun i know you guys don't

have those where you they're not legal to own and sell and stuff so what you can have like

shotguns for hunting is that it for fox hunting uh no you need a special license to own a gun

but you can't own any gun

because of what happened

there were two massacres in the UK

I can't remember what they were

but they basically were the reason that guns

are completely banned

so you can't own really a gun

you can own like a 2-2 like a rifle

it's not very powerful

but you can use that for hunting

but you need a license and you need to keep it locked up

in a cage and this sort of stuff

so it's quite complicated

the nanny state as some people here call it

was Guy Fawkes Day

was uh was that one of the days no i don't know guy fawkes is uh something else try to burn the

parlor but yeah exactly but we celebrate that now yeah he was like i'm v remember he was like

flying around like batman i like that anarchy celebrate instead of halloween over there man

that's instead of my birthday okay okay all right let me guy fawkes day is what november

5th of November

you know the rhyme

remember remember

the 5th of November

gunpowder

L.O.L.

a gin trying to

get Milkman

to talk about

knowing poetry

and rhymes

I'm sorry man

I'm fucked

poor innocent

gin

you knew that

I told you that

remember remember

12th of 8th

October

alright listen

next call

let's call for that

gun machine again

yeah

Digging my nice little new setup here.

Looks to be...

I like it, I like it, I like it.

Just sipping the bandwidth, sipping it.

Right guy, right guy.

You've reached Noah with more sounds working at any time.

He doesn't want to pick up.

I knew Milkman would like this music.

Happy Father's Day, Milkman.

Attention, everyone.

Me and my husband just got our first place,

but do not have the funds to buy the furniture we need.

What's this?

Just keep going?

if anybody would have any old furniture

they would donate it, it would be much appreciated

so brand new couple, not much money

need furniture for their

looks like their new place, their first place

excited about that

you can do it if you want

but you said you were chilling

but do it, I would love to hear

if you want to pull me in you can

hello

this is Mr. Stewart, how are you?

Mr. Stewart

yes mr stewart i've managed to see your request for furniture furniture yes what is a furniture

you know some some items for your new home yes yes yes sir yes absolutely so uh what are you

know actually i have a lot of things but you see i have uh i have a lot of things they're very

nice things so and i thought you know it's a nice ad you have a nice you know your new couple i'm

I'm very happy for you.

I'm a multimillionaire, so I have lots of things.

I would like to help you, if you would accept my help.

Yeah, I'll take the help.

Okay, but it's conditional.

Okay.

So, first of all, first of all, I want to give you a sofa.

Okay, but I've peed on this sofa.

Is that okay?

I already have a sofa.

What don't you have?

A TV.

Okay, a television.

What kind of television do you want?

A big one?

Yeah, a big and big size.

50 inch?

How's that?

Yeah, I would.

Okay, but I'll have to pee on it. Is that okay?

Oh, is this a joke?

No, no, no. I want to help you, but it's conditional, you know.

If you want my help, I'll give you a television.

I mean, you can wipe it off afterwards if you like,

but, you know, that's important for me to make that work.

So if you, you know, it's a serious.

I want to, you know, I want to give you the television, whatever you want.

I've got plenty of money, but the condition is whatever I give you, I pee on it.

Okay, what's the catch here, Ian?

What?

Was this a joke or some kind of...

No.

I told you I want to help you, but, you know, I know it may seem strange,

but, you know, this world is a strange world,

and if you come across a multimillionaire who wants to help you,

you should just say yes, you know?

You should just say, yeah, okay, I'll take it.

If you want to pee on it, I'll pee on it, and fine.

And then you just wipe it off with your hand.

Okay, well, are you okay dead around here, Ian?

I'm quite far from you, but you know, I have an Aston Martin, so I can get there, you know, very quickly.

A what?

An Aston Martin.

What's that?

It's a car.

You don't know what Aston Martin is.

How did you get my phone number?

I looked at the ad.

The ad?

Yeah, the ad.

You know, you get a new couple, blah, blah.

You want a new staff and electronics and these things, yeah?

Okay.

Let me talk with that lady, please.

All right.

Here I am.

Hello?

Hello, how are you?

Pretty good.

Yeah, and your new couple, how is your life?

Great.

Yeah.

Do you, what do you do when you, like, because you don't have any electronics, so what do you do?

What do you get up to in your spare time?

Do you play cards or something?

We play games, we play Xbox, we play music and so on.

Are you a man?

No, I don't speak to my husband.

You can't understand me here.

Hello, sir.

Well, are you, what am I talking?

Hello.

This is her husband.

Yeah, you're the husband.

Wow, your wife has a very deep voice, you know, like you sound like a man.

So what do you, okay, look, what things do you want?

Do you want television?

Do you want anything else?

I'd say TV and whatever you got.

Well, it's up to you, you know, I've got everything.

I want to help you.

You're a nice couple.

I just want to come over there with my things and, you know,

and just give them to you.

but the condition because i'm like a dog you know like you know how dogs they pee on things when

they own it you know they've been there pee on it go away you know that uh just for real do you

really pitch on everybody's test yeah yeah we're not why okay look i know it's strange i told you

it's weird but you know what i said to you it's a weird world you know some people like to do

have you ever peed on your wife uh no no i'm it's a serious situation i you wanted some

electronics, I'm offering it

to you. You know, I'm

very, very rich.

This is a joke, so we can

cut up about it. No, I have more than

120 million dollars

and I'm more

than happy to give you whatever you like,

but I have to pee on it. Okay, what

country are you from? I'm from

the United Kingdom. This is where

the Queen lives, you know. I speak

Queens. Are you talking about

oh, you're from Britain

over there. Yeah,

Yeah, yeah, I'm from there.

Okay, how did you find us online?

Yeah, yeah, I found you online, you know, because I have a jet, so I can come there easily.

Oh, a jet?

Yeah, I have a jet. It's a nice jet.

Oh, it is.

Would you like a jet?

How about you just send me the money and I'll go buy the thing? You don't have to come over here.

Fine, yeah, sure. What's your bank account number?

I ain't got no bank account number, but I can tell you where to send it to and we can pick it up.

What do you want me to do? You want me to Western Union it?

Yes, sir. That'd be great. Yes, sir.

Let's do it. Let's arrange the Western Union.

Okay, so what details do I need for this?

Just head to the post office up in Churchill, Tennessee.

I'll give you the zip code and you can send it to them.

No, I want to send it to you, you know, because it's you and your lovely wife.

But, you know, the condition is, you know what the condition is, right?

Yeah, you can piss on it. I don't care.

Okay, so excellent. I'll pee on the dollars.

Excellent. So how many dollars do you want?

Well, if it's nice, you know, maybe, how much can you give me?

Well, how much you want? You just make up a number.

I'm not going to give you all my money, but you can have a little bit.

How much you want?

$1,000, that's all?

My God, man, I have $120 million.

Why don't you just say, okay, give me, let's say, $800,000.

How does that sound?

That sounds great to me. That'd be great.

I'd really appreciate that a lot.

Oh, my goodness.

Okay, but the condition, you know, if you want this, I need you to pee on your wife.

I don't.

Well, it's all right.

Well, can you send me the money?

No, no, I'll send you the money if you do it.

You have to do it first, and then I'll send you the money.

Well, maybe I already did.

But, okay, you have to make a picture of it and send it to me.

Your wife has to be in a wet.

No, thank you.

I'm not interested in that kind of stuff.

You don't want $800,000.

You wouldn't do that for $800,000.

You know, that's a lot of money.

You can have whatever you want with this money.

Oh, well, I don't think I'm really interested.

Well, that's a real disappointment.

I thought, you know, it's a nice new couple.

You would be up for trying something like this.

You could just pee a little bit on her.

Maybe you could just pee onto her ear or something like that.

How about you just send me the money and then I'll do it.

No, no, no, that doesn't, how does that work?

You don't, when you go to the shop, that doesn't work, my friend.

You have to first pay, you know, like eBay.

You pay, then you receive goods.

So, first, you must provide the goods, and then I'll give you, you know, what you want.

Uh, well, can you just forget about all the pissing things we just talked about?

How about a song, man, I can sing a song, would that work?

Okay, yeah, can you sing the happy birthday song?

Yeah, I want you and your wife to sing a happy birthday song to my friend Carlito.

Can you do that? You say happy birthday, you know, like that one?

Uh, no.

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday. It's like that. You don't, you know that song.

Uh, that means they disconnected, Jen.

What?

Yeah.

Fucking shit, motherfucker. I wanted him to sing bollocks. He was going to sing too.

I'm calling back. No, I'm calling back.

But I don't think he would have peed on his wife.

No, he said he did.

I think it wasn't like a thing.

Sorry, that dragged out like fuck.

I'm just kidding.

You almost had him, Jen.

I thought you had him, man.

He almost was ready.

Lukeman just wants to hear peeing.

I'm sorry, but the person you called has a voicemail box that has not been set up yet.

That was fun.

That was cool, dude.

That was a great call.

So, first of all, the first guy, I was like, this is a new couple.

The guy sounded like he was 60, 70.

but i guess what is that that was a lady i was yeah she sounded like a fucking man

she had a deeper voice than the old man yeah really exactly what the fuck's going on that

was wicked right and then um let me put my husband on hello yeah and then you don't put

an ad saying you need furniture and then you're like no we're neat we got a couch we need tv

people are so fucking greedy

if you actually offer somebody something

you say to them

I'm interested in that because you know he said

a thousand dollars

that's not a lot of money

so I think for him to say a thousand

dollars for somebody that has a lot more

than that it's just interesting

but he wants a television

he seemed a bit fucking stupid

in my opinion

we lost Milkman there we'll get him back

yeah right he just wants

wants to watch this nascar you know really big cars nascar oh man can you get mass nascar out

there where you live i have no idea no no i've never seen that do you know what it is yeah i

know what it is i'm sorry the person you were trying to reach has a voicemail box that has

not been set up yet we understand that okay that was i think i did a different number right

yeah i did okay um chevy motor for 600 hold on while we try to get milkman back okay we're

We're still waiting on Milkman, but we got a Chevy motor for $600.

Wow, really?

A 1,000-pound winch, a two-wheel drive transmission for a Blazer.

They got a bunch of stuff.

A jazzy power chair.

Hey.

Send me the link.

Oh, yeah.

Let me give you the link to this.

I use this regularly.

It's close to where Tuck lives.

Remember Tuck?

Yeah, I remember Tuck, yeah.

It's out there.

I used to call him and say, yeah, my name is Tucker Mike.

Or Mike Tucker.

fucker he's like i owe that guy a lot of money he called me once and it was like premium rate

number and i think he spent like i don't know a hundred dollars a lot my god really oh shit

i don't know he's pissed at me i don't know oh i'm gonna he's not that kind of guy he's not

pissed he's all right i hope he's okay no he's all right he's doing good he uh said happy birthday

to me i did it nice of him yeah he's a real i think he's a really good photographer he's doing

a lot of photography now i don't know if this is private but some of the pictures he gets out

and his property is really pretty man like like this time of year yeah all right so a jazzy power

chair in very good condition let's see what a jazzy power chair is i have no idea what the

fuck that means jazzy yeah i see it and we have a chevy motorist yeah it probably plays jazz you

know and smokes marijuana sick yeah i gotta make sure we can tuck back on for the are you down

july 16th can you join for like an hour sure just just whatsapp me i'll be uh okay we got one on

board on it oh oh yeah i see that you have a jazzy power chair oh is that like does it play

jazz and it's comfortable or is it to get around in like a wheelchair oh yeah okay all right what's

oh what's why don't you need to use are you too fat for it well i don't know you said it's in

very good condition i don't know did you get it and you can't fit in it very well does it go too

too slow because you're too heavy?

Oh, dude, it's fine.

I've got...

Well, how big a boy are you?

About 200.

Oh, yeah.

You could lose some weight, huh?

Yeah.

Hey, I could use...

I'm doing worse than him.

I'm not one to talk.

I was going to tell him, dude, it's okay.

Don't be embarrassed.

You know, you can take shit like, I don't know,

Klan or Albuquerque or something like that.

Klan?

Yeah, Klan Bujero.

It's what athletes use to cheat.

Cut down on that.

All right.

Type it in the Skype chat, so I can...

Yeah, you'll probably be easy to get albuterol, because it's not as harsh on you, but I'll type both in.

Albuterol's illegal.

No, it's not. People use it to treat asthma. It's a bronco, and that is it.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Okay.

Heast, he says.

Alright, here's a family who had a yard sale Friday and Saturday.

I like to call, see if they have anything left over.

although i've been trying that and it hasn't really worked um jim do you watch orange is

no but my girlfriend does she that's so weird like um she she loves it i don't know why it

does loads of lesbians that worries me but it's not all lesbians but it's uh my girlfriend loves

it i don't watch it i like cannibal fucking awesome show that looks promising it's on my

list it's so good oh fuck yeah they cancel it or she's still going up here no it's going it's just

It just started again the last season.

And obviously Game of Thrones I watched, and Blacklist, and Arrow.

Oh, cool.

Did you finish watching Game of Thrones 13?

I did, I did, I did, I did.

I haven't actually read the books, but I don't read much.

So do you think...

All right, spoiler alert to everybody.

Quiet if you're not...

I haven't seen the end of the season yet.

But all right, spoiler alert, due diligence done.

Do you think Jon Snow's going to come back as a White Walker

or that the Red Woman's going to resurrect?

Definitely not a White Walker, but I think he could be revived.

I'm not sure.

he's got he's got king's blood doesn't he yeah yeah he does yeah so maybe he'll get revived i

have no idea because that's all she needs you know yeah that's all she needs is some king's

blood and she she kind of just showed up there right before it happened you know exactly and

she's got some nice tits for an old lady they all have nice tits in this fucking show yeah

yeah well hbo has good tits all the time straight up tits on hbo are great love it i love tits oh

oh my god i i no kidding i had a dream last night girl had one said six tits what the fuck yeah and

i yeah oh it was right when i woke up the fucking wife woke me up hey you gotta get up these fucking

have my mouth right on one of the tits this is lovely i'm a bit of an ass man though i like i

like bum oh i'm more of an ass i'm bigger on ass yeah um yeah so you prefer doggy when you're doing

yeah fuck yeah fuck yeah me too and some other stuff but it's personal it's personal

yeah hey how you doing you all right how are you hey good uh you got that witness box

oh fuck really and all the clips and everything why why'd you sell it i traded it for a another

gun another gun can i see that gun can i see it no but i just want to see it and touch it

can i just i just want to hold it that's awkward right no you can't see my gun hang on let me try

to force milkman back in here he didn't reconnect on his own oh he did say calm hey buddy hey i was

waiting for you to call back are you there hello i heard a hello did you hear hello and call and

call it dude oh i don't know it wasn't popping up i'm sorry i'm sorry there's a lot of things on my

screen i have a big weird dude i think yeah it's all screwed up i have a lot of things on you know

small screens here bro and i already got vision problems as it is and i have to kill the sound

so it doesn't interrupt the show you know when we're doing calls i have to make it silent so

it's it's a big mess i try milkman i really try i wish things didn't break down all the time for me

i always want you to be here boss you know yeah thank you for adding me back you're welcome dude

i'm gonna move for some cherry kool-aid i might make some on the break um is jen stewart still

still here sure man i'm still here yeah yeah i'm fucking missing it all man i will say it one

darn time god bless the heck thank you for having me back yeah don't say hell sir um okay back to

the numbers these numbers were sent by mr parker who sends numbers here and there occasionally and

such um a lot of these were closing at 10 one in particular that i wanted to call that's the

ripley's believe it or not museum i'm excited about that i don't know if you ever heard of

these, Jen, they have, like, oddities,

they call them, like, weird shit in a museum.

They probably have them where you are, too.

They seem to be all over the world. You ever heard

of a Ripley's Believe It or Not museum

or the TV show? No.

Or the magazine back in... No.

Okay. Well, it's like a museum,

a chain of museums that has

funky stuff, like... It's a big

American thing. That's probably why he's never heard of it.

Thank you for calling Ripley's Believe It or Not.

But I've seen them, like, in the Caribbean

and South America.

If at any time during this message

you wish to speak with a member of our staff,

please press zero.

Or if you know your party's extension,

you may dial it at any time.

Ripley's Believe It or Not Auditorium

is open weekdays from 9 a.m. to 10 p.m.

and weekends from 9 a.m. to 11 p.m.

Admission for adults ages 12 and up

is $16.99 plus tax.

Children ages 3 to 11 are $9.99 plus tax.

Wait while I transfer your call.

Thank you for calling Ripley's Believe It or Not.

This is James.

How can I help you today?

Yes, hello.

I see that you have an actual vampire kit there in your museum.

We do indeed.

Okay.

I'm going to need that.

Oh, yeah?

Well, you could probably contact corporate along those lines, and they'd probably be able to help you a little bit more than me.

Where is it located exactly in the museum?

On what level?

It's up in the crypt area.

Let me get that crypt area.

And is it behind glass?

Absolutely.

Approximately what is the thickness of the glass?

Six inches.

Is it ballistic glass?

It's pretty thick glass.

We use it from the aquarium.

We've also got lasers set up, and there's pressure plates underneath,

so you're going to have to find the exact weight of the box to swap it out.

Okay, do you have any EMP shielding there?

You know, I think we're out of EMP shielding.

I think the generators are down for the day.

That's the trick right there.

Jen, get that down.

That is the trick.

We're going to use an EMP device here.

And you close at 10?

You're closing in a few minutes.

We close at 12.

Okay.

Okay, alright, and what time is the guard shift change at night?

Guard shift change doesn't happen until 6.30 in the morning,

and they're all highly armed with laser weapons and submachine guns.

Okay, that's not a problem.

You can dispatch them really easily.

Okay, alright, and is this on the first floor or the second?

Second floor.

You know, I believe it's second, yep.

Okay, alright, alright, cool, alright, alright, yeah.

I'll be there in a little bit, probably after you leave.

Okay.

Okay, alright.

Sounds like a plan.

This is some really good information.

Did you have any questions for him?

No.

I'm sorry.

All right.

Bye, honey.

Bye, honey, baby.

All right.

Sorry, guys.

They're equipped with lasers.

Lasers.

Fucking lasers.

Sorry.

What the fuck?

What does he say?

Is it Star Trek?

It's Spectre from the James Bond movies or something.

I don't know.

Whatever.

What was that?

Ocean?

What was that, Ocean's number 19 or whatever, where those fuckers were in there trying to, like, do that ripoff.

Dude, that's what you sounded like.

Ocean's 11, yeah.

Oh, okay.

That was the first one.

I think they went up to 13 on those or something.

Something like 19 or whatever.

I can't remember.

I know it had a number in it.

Hey, look, Laserport Fun Center.

I think that's, like, a laser tag place.

That's very appropriate, right, guys?

Yeah.

Hey, let's do that.

All right.

Why is it?

Okay, there we go.

Yes.

I used to play this song at the beginning of every show.

Back in a real building.

I know this is a long time.

Do you know if I say it's a long time?

Yeah.

Arcade.

This one still exists, I guess.

Call it.

Fuck it.

Called it on the wrong number.

On the wrong machine number.

In the Smoky.

Don't forget to choose your...

I'm calling from McCoy.

This is Jake.

How can I help you?

Yeah, I'd like to make an order.

All right.

For when?

For now.

For what?

For now.

Hello?

Who is this?

This is Ed.

I want to make an order for now.

Okay.

What's wrong with me?

Come on.

Step out of it, Crowley.

Wake up.

Buffalo Wild Wings

We got laser machines

Laser machines

FedEx King Toes

We got laser machines

All lasers are machines, duh

Right, Jim?

That's right, we got laser machines

Thank you for calling FedEx Office

We will have adjusted hours and shipment times

For the Independence Day holiday

Please speak with a team member

Or visit FedEx.com for details

Thank you for calling FedEx Office

Office and Print Center

Please choose from the following options

For our fax number, directions, center hours, or our web address to place an online order, please press 1.

For last pickup time for FedEx Express and FedEx Ground, or to track the status of a package, press 2.

Please press 9 to speak with a team member for questions or for information about the products and services provided at this location.

By the way, three-way calling is back on the show.

hasn't been tested

but it should be working

so I can

I can do that again

where I get bored

with Juan

you know remember

you like that Jim

I just leave him on

and call the next

thank you for calling

FedEx office

this is Lisa

can I help you

hi stupid

dude I want to do

the 800 again

how you doing

how you doing stupid

oh this is Ed

I was calling about

Ed

yeah Ed

are you talking to

somebody else

calling them stupid

no I was just saying

hey what's up stupid

you know

oh no

never heard that

oh it's like an in thing now

like say hey stupid

like that no continue though yeah cunt rag um what are the prices per monochrome color copy

non-glossy um on on what on led monochrome led plasma color copies non-glossy perforated is it

the same as the laser sorry i don't know that term don't be ignorant i already told one fucking

person that lasers our machines to start out with hello hello i'm sorry i yelled i'm sorry

i'm sorry i yelled in front of your dad and hello yeah i'm stupid she sounded really pretty

yeah you want to talk to you want to fight with her yeah i could change the color

i know you do too you're mr i'm not gonna tell anyone how i do my phone

not even my friend that's what he's that's how you said it to

my friend i'm sorry dude i'm fucking wasted yeah you're wasted i'm fine

so you did just like drugs that's it yeah yeah the um anticonvulsants the good thing about it

is that it doesn't have any like bad side effects so it's it's like being extremely drunk without

actually being drunk it's fun it's really nice but if you can't do it regularly because you just get

you know used to it and your body has to say more and more but there's no like lethal dose you can

can take as much as you want and it's uh it's quite honest oh hey um jen and you know how to

answer now on the air before you talked about the the head pain condition you had just a friend of

mine was saying that they cluster headaches what is it called again did you know cluster headaches

yeah trigeminal autonomic cephalalgia cluster headaches is what i have headaches okay all right

and i'm guessing this is where you have you've been having trouble with that you just said fuck

all on this one that takes on no i mean i i have my own treatment now because i uh i use

psilocybin so magic mushrooms to treat that and i do that every you know few weeks and it's good

it works um but the the other stuff i get the drugs i can get have you ever tried cbd what

have you ever tried cbd the fuck is that oh cannabis uh yeah it's not gonna be yes

it stops seizures and all kinds of stuff yeah yeah but it's not i don't have seizures

it's something completely different

it's in the brain and inside the brain

I understand that but I was just wondering

have you had a chance to try it

no I haven't tried it

because it doesn't act

in the same way that

other drugs work

I believe

nobody really knows how cluster headaches

occur but they know

they understand a little bit about it

so I think it's serotonin based

I don't know

I'm not an expert on this

I don't want to go into serious detail

I don't want to put you on the spot either

we know that psilocybin works

it's been proven in lots of research

and I'm just going to continue to use it

I didn't know that, it's far out dude

because I love psilocybin

is psilocybin in mushrooms?

I'm not on them now obviously

but that's the active ingredient in mushrooms

dude, I've been taking that shit for years

it's very good

it is actually

it's actually very very good for your brain

you know you should do some research on that

but you know I still get

all the treatment that I want

so if I say for example like even though I'm not

getting cluster headaches because I'm

controlling the remission with psilocybin I can still

go to the GP and say

you know what I need these drugs

these drugs and then I just you know I take the piss

and every now and then I'll just you know get high

on GABA, pregabalin

you can get look I

I take three GABA pens

hang on where do I take

you have GABA pens in there

I take 900 milligrams of it a day.

It doesn't give me high.

Yeah, listen to me.

Take about four or five grams of that shit,

and then you tell me that that shit doesn't work.

How many milligrams in a gram?

A thousand, right?

Right, you've got 900 there, yeah?

So are you using 300s?

I'm guessing you've got 300 pills.

He's using 0.9.

900 is 0.9 grams.

Yeah, I get that,

but are you taking this in like you've got pills

that are 300 milligrams?

Is that what you're saying?

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, 300s.

So take 10 to 15 of those, and then you'll see what I'm saying.

But because you're taking it on a daily basis, you'll probably have to take more because you're already used to it.

What kind of high is it, though?

It's like being drunk.

I mean, I feel really good.

You have a sense of euphoria.

You feel like you want to talk to people.

You just feel chatty and good, warm.

I don't know how to explain it.

It's really good.

i thought so because when i first started taking them i would get really chatty at the end of the

day when i took my third yeah i always be like really talking the bad thing about it is that

you get tired so you often get extremely tired so for example if i go to sleep now i'm gonna

be sleeping for like 12 hours it's it's really really strong uh as a as a sedative let's put it

that way but it is fucking awesome i mean if you stay awake and chat it's brilliant okay cool man

All right, let me look.

Thanks.

Thank you for the info.

I appreciate it.

That's okay.

You're going to run out of GABA, though, very quickly if you do that shit.

And you can't really do it on a daily basis, so I can't do this again tomorrow.

I'll have to wait now for maybe a week or so until I can do it again.

But it's worth it.

Okay.

It's better than drinking because alcohol is bad for you.

This stuff won't do anything.

It'll just mess around with your GABA receptors, so it's a good idea.

Ah, okay.

And here I thought it was as good for my nerve pain and my foot.

that's all yeah it is that too yeah all right cool awesome i knew there was a way but i was

like dude i was like this shit doesn't do shit for me at least we talk a little sometimes but

okay all right i'll move on i'll stop dwelling um well uh i need numbers because i've kind of

burned through quickly what i normally do i'm just going to start going off of google maps

that's one of my favorite things to do as luck would have it we have one of our favorite places

to call, which is Lowe's Home Improvement, where we can play Lowe's Roulette.

And I say we play an episode of Lowe's Roulette right now.

If you're in the chat room, go ahead and put in your options between 3 and 7.

Options between 3 and 7.

And I'm going to type the word fart, and whoever comes in first after I type the word

fart will be the one that we use.

So go ahead and get started on that whilst I dial the number.

Remember, you will get booted from the chat room and get back in, but if you flood it.

So you have to keep that in mind with the way you play the game.

Thank you for calling Rose.

Para instrucciones en espanol, marque 3.

And we've got the first number is 5, followed by 7.

5 followed by 7.

Press 5, or to speak with the operator, press 0.

For information on transferring to lumber and building materials, please hold.

Thank you for playing, and congratulations to our winner, who I think was Clay.

Yes.

How can I direct your call?

I call for the apartment number five.

For department number five?

Yeah.

Do you know what department that is?

That's not my problem.

It's your problem now.

I'm sorry.

I'm kidding.

I was just kidding.

I was just being silly.

Okay.

All right.

Do you want me to tell you?

It's the lumber, the wood department.

Okay, let me go ahead and page him for you, okay?

All right, bye, honey.

Okay.

We're in Tiny Chat.

I don't know if I said that already.

Tinychat.com slash prankcallnation.

It's pretty dead in there tonight, but it is early still.

I expect to go on at least until 1 since I started the show a half hour late tonight.

Oh, you started late.

Yeah, I was out.

I got caught in a little bit of a traffic machine.

I'm making the sky walk all the way.

I should have just asked for tools.

I always pick up.

Screw it, I'll call back. Screw that guy.

I'll make her job more miserable.

I'm a nice guy, right?

Yeah, you are.

Thank you for calling Lowe's.

Para instrucciones en español.

For information on deliveries.

Oh yeah, good. Hell yes.

Good stuff.

Okay, here. I don't know where we're done.

What'd you got there? Some Russian train?

Russian train wreck?

Gin, are you concerned with a possible Greek exit

from the European Union tomorrow?

Hello?

Hello.

Steven and Florent, how can I help you?

Yeah, hey, Florent, how you doing?

Steven, how are you?

Well, I'm not good.

I'm pretty bad.

I had a lot of foot pain today, you know.

My sugar was all right.

Yeah.

I wasn't doing good today.

I had some gabapentin for the foot pain.

Oh, yeah?

And then I got, like, a headache and a cramp.

And I think I may have just dehydrated a little bit.

So I ate a banana and some strawberries and drank, like, a half gallon of water.

And I think that kind of helped out a little bit.

That's good.

You know, the thigh is still a little shaky.

Huh?

What can I help you with?

Oh, yeah, yeah, no problem.

I was trying to get a hold of, like, the wood department, but those people won't answer.

And I figured you're in flooring, so maybe you could help me out.

Yeah, well, you know, me, I'm actually with somebody right now.

Do you mind if I put you on a brief?

Oh, yeah, you're hooking up.

Yeah, but is there any way I can either, like, drop down a telephone number for you and give you a call right back?

No, no, I want to stay.

I don't want don't let me go please please don't go let me put let me put you on a hold and I'll

get you connected to the lumber guy she should be around me please don't go all right I'll let

you go go ahead put me on hold I don't hear music yeah there we go what were we talking about I have

no idea Bart Greece exiting the euro you care about that uh yeah I have no idea what that

means for me I didn't have a problem with that your money my money's fine

What's up, man?

This is Jerry.

Yeah, hey, Jerry.

I'm making an order for one wood.

Oh, okay.

Uh, hold on.

Okay.

Keep your transfer around.

Only one.

In the meantime, that one lady's probably still like, I had some wood.

Sometimes I like to take pretzels and I eat all around them.

You know?

You gotta be really careful.

Sometimes it tastes really good.

On the small ones, you can take it like four or five times before you do it right.

You guys never, I guess, do that.

Did you have a giant pretzel?

Can you order some wood?

Yeah, I need one wood.

I like it soft-pressed.

You put mustard on them, man.

Oh, yeah, man.

Fuck yeah.

And you know cream cheese, too.

You put that cream cheese on them, man.

I don't like cream cheese.

Just mustard.

Hey, I'm saying cream cheese is good on a soft, hot pretzel.

That's freaking good.

I like it.

Yeah.

You ever tried the strawberry cream cheese?

Yeah.

It's okay.

How would that go with it?

No, not with pretzel.

No, it's good for bagels, but not pretzel.

not too much salt though man i don't like too much that salt but the coarse salt it's got to

be a nice big coarse salt you know yeah yeah the big crystals are good but not too much not too

much yeah there was this brand in the 80s called hot sam they were in the malls um and yeah they

were i always got them fuckers is that what that we're called yeah that's because that's how i grew

up in the we go to the mall and get hot before i always got him at that damn pretzel shop they

They don't have it no more.

No, no.

I think Auntie Anne's actually bought them out and took over their spots.

But before Auntie Anne's, it was hot sand.

But they were the bomb, dude.

I remember when they first come in.

They were the ones that had cream cheese, and it was this warm cream cheese, and it was gooey with the salt and the pretzel.

I don't know.

Fuck it.

I'm just talking about this shit.

I hope we can get her to join in.

They did it just like Auntie Anne's.

they made them and put them in the front case and everything and they would put the stuff on it all

that stuff but they would put cream cheese on it and it would sit there for a little bit and then

the cream cheese would melt and it was just soft and creamy cheesy oh my oh wow yeah and they always

had like their sticks were really good they're like papers like the they were like paper sticks

like a lollipop almost you know you they actually had it on this stick you'd have to eat it tear it

apart and get your fingers dirty, like

you do now with Auntie Anne's.

Auntie Anne's is okay, it's

alright, but they don't

brush them with the cream

cheese like they did, like Hot Sam

did back in the day, I'm telling you.

So yeah, Hot Sam has been out of business

since, I think, the last few

clothes in the 90s. I looked this up on Wikipedia

the other day. Yeah, because I remember they came

in long ago.

They were bigger. I remember them being

way bigger, too. Maybe just because

I was a kid, because when you're a kid, everything's

bigger to you you're like oh wow you know the big mac is huge you know yeah now i could eat a big

mac with like half my mouth yeah you remember everything right well yeah i mean we had it when

i was a kid too so dude that was a long time ago yeah the ultimate mall had a hot sam i remember

good time sam i never knew what they were called i just remember it was a pretzel

pretzel place yeah the logo was like this short guy and with a baker's hat on yeah hot sam man

like a mustache something right kind of like that something to do with the face yeah something like

that it's kind of like the dunkin donut guy at the base or some shit i don't know something stupid

like that something fun something fun anyway i don't even know they were hella good hella good

oh yeah man yeah man how about costco let's complain about costco and their policies i

hated that you got to show a car to go in there and i'm a member i'm like no you got to see my

I got a trick. Here's the way you do it.

If your Costco has a pharmacy, you tell them I'm going in the pharmacy and they'll let you in without a card.

Yeah, that's what Brent was saying last week.

You know what else? If someone gets you a gift card for Costco, you can go in and not be a member.

They'll let you spend it because in their eyes, someone with a membership already went through the thing.

so if you see something

if you're not a Costco member

but there's something on sale there

or something you want to buy at their price

just have a friend

give your friend of yours the money

and tell them to get the gift card

and you can go in and get whatever you want

come out and they won't stop you

you'll be fine

that's a good work around

and also Brent was saying

if you say you're going to get a hot dog

they'll let you come

because those Costco hot dogs are banging

Is that a coffee shop?

Ours have them on the outside, so you can reach them on the outside.

But some of them are on the inside, too.

It just depends on which one you're going to.

Some of them are on the outside, and some of them are on the inside.

Yeah, Jin asking, coffee shop?

I don't know.

I'm not sure.

Unless, maybe we don't have the same Costco's you guys do.

I don't know.

I just decided.

I think it rings a bell.

I think it's a coffee shop.

Let's find out.

I'll call.

I'll find out.

Thank you for calling the Aurora.

You know, they got Tesco's up there.

That's where Nunu works at, at Tesco.

It's Tesco, yeah.

Well, let me hear the options.

So, you know, sometime you go to Tesco's,

Jen, you may see Nunu, man.

He'll be that old codger in the back.

That's not bad.

Oh, they're closed anyway.

They're closed at 6.

Never mind.

Plug in.

I was putting a plug in for Nunu, man.

All right, dude.

Toys R Us.

Plug's back in.

He's flatlining.

E-E-E-E-E.

Safeway, no, Target, no

Kohl's, no

We should tell them we should go for rich people

You know, because

They've got plenty of money and I'd like to fuck with them

You want to target rich people? Okay

No, I want to target, I don't really

Rich stores

The problem is people who are greedy and fuck around

I want to get like capitalist pigs

And you know, just like CEOs

Of big companies who just fuck around

American

Is it called American Apparel, I think

They are fucking gay

Jack Valenti number again

They deserve to be pranked

I don't know how we can

I can find it

Well listen here's an idea

What about like

Sunset Boulevard in Vegas

Those places that cater to the uber rich

I don't think that's a problem

I just want to get people

Who are fucking bad

I believe in liberty

Everybody has the right

For freedom

And to do their own thing

We should target politicians

Like really fucking assholes

Like right wing bastards

We should get all of them

I like that idea

I like to fuck with these people really badly

Fuck them right

Ronald Reagan let's get his number

He's dead

I know but let's get his number anyway

Oh all these places

Closed an hour ago

I'm finding like Hugo Boss

Hermes

Hugo Boss as well

because you know Hugo Boss

is actually a Nazi fucking company

yeah

he did the uniforms for the SS

really that bastard

no wonder his clothes look like shit

and the name stays

so basically people who use and wear

Hugo Boss are practically supporting

a guy who was a fucking Nazi

and knew about the exterminations

in the camps

so do you feel the same way about BMWs

not really because Bavaria Motor Company

No, I would say more about Volkswagen, because Volkswagen was made for the folk by the fucking Nazis.

But I thought BMW made the airplane engines also.

I don't think that's really a problem.

I think the serious problem is Hugo Boss, because Hugo Boss is the name.

You're actually wearing the name of the person.

Of the person who...

I never knew that shit.

Yeah, he designed and supplied the uniforms.

And, in fact, they used slave labor, people who were in the camps, to actually, you know, produce these suits for the SS, you know?

Yeah, but you've got to admit...

So he made those little skull lapel pins there.

Yeah, but, yeah, the Thunderbolt ones, but listen, you've got to admit...

They've got skull ones, too, dude.

I know, but you've got to admit that the SS uniform looks pretty cool.

It looks very scary.

It's bad-ass wicked.

It's bad-ass wicked, that's for sure.

Do you want to talk to Boss, or should I do it?

You want to talk to Boss?

Here's Boss.

Hawaii.

Oh, let me talk to him.

Hello.

Thank you.

Hello.

Yeah, how are you?

Good.

Yeah, I want to, what's your position there?

I beg your pardon?

What's your position?

What do you do?

Are you trying to contact?

Do you know Klaus Dietrich Lars?

Yes, yes.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, I talked to Klaus, and we were discussing the redesign of the logo,

just practically just a very small change,

change, and I just wanted to get a few opinions, you know, a little bit of a, it's not really

a survey, but I just wanted to get, you know, some feedback and see what people think, because

it's a big thing, you know, if we change the logo, it's a massive, massive impact.

Yeah, well, I mean, our customers love the logo.

Yes, and what do you feel?

How do you feel about it?

I think the logo is really, I like it a lot.

I don't think there's much to change on that, because people are used to it.

I think it's very important to change a couple of things.

because historically we need to support Hugo Boss, the founder,

and I think it's very important to emphasize Hugo Boss, the person,

what he did, his life, his legacy.

And for that reason, I think we should apply a little bit extra to the logo.

That was my suggestion to Klaus.

Klaus said, yeah, okay, gather some feedback, see what people say.

If people like it, go for it.

Right, right.

Well, I mean, if the change is something that's appealing to, you know, the clients, I would be, you know, more than happy with that.

So the thing is, you know about Klaus, you know, I mean, you know about, sorry, you know about Hugo, you know, Hugo's history.

What

do you know?

About the Hugo Boss line?

Yeah, well, tell me what you know about Hugo.

What about the man, Hugo? What do you know about him?

Well, I know it started back in the late 40s, where he was designing clothing and he designed uniforms.

Yes.

So, you know, and then later on went into more of a commercial use.

Like the late, did he come out with like a ready-to-wear seat for...

Well, that's not quite true, because in the late 40s, he had the assistance of Adolf Hitler, and he was helping to, obviously, design the SS uniforms.

Do you know about that?

Yes, I do.

So what I'd really like to do is, you know, put the SS bolts into the logo.

Ah, no, I don't think that would be appropriate.

Or perhaps a swastika or a skull or just something on the side.

May I have your name? What is your name, sir?

Mr. Stewart.

Stewart, okay.

Mr. Stewart.

What's your position with Hugo Boss?

I'm an assistant to Klaus Dietrich.

Okay.

You understand?

Yes, I do.

What's your position?

I do not think that S.S. Logo would be appropriate.

But it's historically important.

I think we should emphasize it.

I mean, we've already got the name.

You know, this is the person.

This is the same guy who supplied the S.S.

and designed the uniforms for the S.S.

Yes, you know, so I think it's very important to emphasize that it's a very important thing, you know.

He even used some of the Jews and the captured people from the prisons or the camps to produce these suits, you know.

I'm not at liberty to give you any more information.

But I'm disappointed because, you know, I wanted to get your opinion and your honest help, and, you know, it's not been very good.

You know, the Schutztaffer logo should be in there.

And I do know that I am sure that he would not want the SS logo on Hugo Boss merchandise, nor anybody in corporate money, nor the U.S.

I disagree.

I think it's very important because Hugo Boss was a Nazi, and we should emphasize the Naziness.

I need to cut you off on this.

I'm very busy right now, but I thank you for you trying to get an opinion from the boss.

Thank you so much.

Okay.

Well, Zeke Heil, my friend. Zeke.

Nice.

I say Zeke, you say Heil. Zeke.

He's gone.

He says he knows Klaus or whatever.

Klaus or whatever that guy's CEO is his name.

Wow.

Actually, I sent Klaus Dietrich a logo, a redesigned logo.

Was it Nazi-ish?

Yeah, yeah.

I had a fucking swastika in the background.

They have a fragrance offering too, like aroma of dead bodies or something.

No, this is ashes.

You see, if you know about Hugo Boss, now that people know,

the question is, are you still happy to use Hugo Boss?

I never liked Hugo Boss.

You're practically wearing the name of a fucking Nazi.

I mean, I wouldn't do it.

I like the smell and I like the suits, but I'm not going to do that shit.

Hello?

Is this Hermes?

Hello?

Is this Hermes store?

Yes.

It's a fucking rich people store, right?

Pardon?

Is this a rich people fucking store?

No.

This is a store for everybody.

Yeah, but I went there, and the lady was like,

she asked me, like, how much money do you have?

She said, hee, hee, hee, hee, like that.

Oh, which store are you in?

I went to your store, and an Asian woman was like,

what kind of money do you have?

I said, hee, hee, hee, like that, she said.

Oh, I think it's in our store.

Are you sure it's in our store?

Is it in Waikiki or in Ala Moana?

No, yeah, we're there, Waikiki.

Oh, I'm so sorry about it.

uh-huh how sorry are you who helped you this morning do you know some asian woman uh do you

have her name or what does she look like you know if someone treat our customer like that

they'll definitely get her you know punished i know and they're that's this person i mean

they're asian they're not even like i'm above them you know and they were talking to me like

So I'm so sorry for that.

Yeah, I think her name was Xishu Xishu.

Her name is what?

Xishu Xishu Xishu Xishu Xishu.

We don't have the name in our store.

Xishu?

Xishu, no.

No, Xishu. Xishu Xishu.

But we don't have this name in our store.

Can you ask if there's a Xishu Xishu there now?

uh just a moment please okay why is she saying it for fuck's sake i'm trying to verify my fucking

uh thing on facebook to use like a fake number to verify the pin yeah and all these fucking

numbers have been used before i don't want to pay you oh bastards yeah and i don't use my phone

i love how she tried to copy you

Should I shi-shu?

She said no.

Shi-shu, shi-shu, shi-shu, da-wee-oh.

She tried.

She's going to come back any moment.

Shi-shu.

You think she's asking, is there a shi-shu, shi-shu, shi-shu who work here?

Something like shi-shu?

No.

Thank you so much for your patience.

But we really don't have shi-shu in our store.

You don't have a shi-shu?

Yeah.

Yeah, you do?

No, we don't have.

Then why you say yeah?

ignorant no i i said we don't have this name in our store okay all right so i so you say it's for

everyone i can go down there and and touch everything yeah of course i can touch all the

clothes and everything yes of course if you you know you can take your time and shop in our store

no problem and i can take the clothes outside yeah if you can if you want try you like it you

can try it on in our fitting room no problem and then i'll go outside the door i'll open the door

and leave and i'll have it on to try it outside just to see what it looks like then oh you see

you see you see you see because as long as you know as long as when you shop you have to pay

no but it's not fair it's not fair you can't take it out you have to give me a chance you just got

to give me a chance to try it that's not fair of course they give you a chance to try it that's why

if you really like it you can come yeah but then i go outside and i walk around and i sit down

outside and i go to the other stores and i see how it feels you know and then i go eat dinner

with it wearing it and then i come back and say yeah i liked it or i said no it wasn't for me

you know hello hello you understand but they don't work that way it's called you can you can

you can try it on and you can walk inside our store and you can help you can feel it in our

like a fitting room but you cannot go outside they cannot bring food to eat the food there

I'm sorry, we're not alone. The company policy doesn't allow people to have food and drinks inside the store.

You can't stop me.

Okay, it's a policy. Can I see you change your clothes? Can I watch you change clothes?

Hello? Don't hang up, come on.

Shishu.

He want to go eat and...

Shishu.

Don't go, Shishu.

Are you Shishu?

Come back, Shishu. Come back.

I think that's our show title.

I got bicho for you, Shishu.

Bicho for you, Shishu.

that's definitely show title so far shishu shishu oh shit there's a nobu here

that's very well known sushi place you like sushi with your shishu we can call it back I can give

it a shot I feel a little bit better okay or can we wait for her to connect again

if you want to wait yeah because she might be away and there might be someone else

do you want her or you want i don't mind i would get anyone all right i'll call someone else say

bye to shishu bye shishu yeah i was just talking to shishu

hello darling how are you how are you i'm good i'm good is that shishu i'm sorry oh yeah it's

you isn't it oh i talked to you before we uh came in a couple of uh days ago you know okay

Okay, you mean Sue?

No, yeah, Shishu, yeah.

And you know what?

Oh, fuck, you know.

You know, I'd like to, because we did a little something,

so I want to see if maybe you're interested in doing a little something as well.

Maybe you can help me.

We just walk around the store together and stuff like that.

Okay, so would you like to speak with Sue?

No, no, I want to speak with you.

Yeah.

Okay.

How was your day, darling?

How was everything?

Everything good.

Yeah, you like the way, the day, how it went?

Yeah, but do you know, okay, I'm so sorry, but I'm working right now.

Yeah, I know that, I know that.

I'm just, you know, I'd like to work with you and maybe just touch you a little bit.

Okay, okay.

You like that, if I did that?

Yes.

Yes? Yeah? Good.

Well, where can we go?

Can we maybe go into the changing rooms and then I can touch you, you know on the bum?

I'm so sorry, but now I cannot talk with you about why I'm gonna hang up

Okay, no, no, no, shoo shoo. I wanna I wanna touch you. Sorry

Let me see if I can get Sue

Sorry! Sorry! Sorry, not right now!

Sorry, bye-bye!

Yes, hi, motherfucker. I'm calling to speak with Sue.

Sue, hold on.

Okay.

Hi, motherfucker!

Brilliant.

She's probably wondering where I'm coming from.

Hello?

Yeah, hey.

Oh, I'm sorry, she's Sue.

Oh, you disgraced my family.

I'm sorry?

You disgraced my family.

Excuse me?

You disgraced my family.

What does that even mean, sir?

Well, you...

You wish to talk to Sue, right?

Yeah, and you said, no, I can't talk to her.

And I said, you disgust my family.

You have no honor.

She's actually helping client right now.

Yeah, well, you have no honor.

You have no honor?

Hello?

Do you wish to leave her a phone number?

Yeah.

No, leave her...

Can you leave her a message?

Yes.

Okay.

What was your name?

My name is Shao Wu, sir.

Shao Wu?

You're being really rude, sir.

I'm being lewd?

I'm being lewd.

my dick is out

alright you ready for the order

for the message

oh man

be really lewd

that's what I heard did you hear lewd I heard lewd

methacolude methacoylude

man coylude

I feel like I'm taking lewd

you're taking coyludes

you and Jin start taking coylude

you know milkman like lewd

like lewd behavior lewd

sexual lewd

you both talking like you're taking lewd

Come back Shishu

We want to talk to Shishu

Shishu, hello

Yeah, hi

I was calling for Shu

And then they said she's busy

Yeah, you have no honor

I said you have no honor

And I feel sorry for your mother

You bring her many problems

You're looking for Shu again?

No, you

I look for you

I say that you bring your mother a lot of problems

I feel bad sorry for your mother hello yeah I feel I feel sorry for your mother uh from uh from

hotel hotel what hotel uh hotel Saganaki the Hawaii or yeah okay my name is Sue can I get your name

my name well I was calling I was talking to Shishu okay and she said that you you have no honor she

she said, and that you disgraced your family?

Oh, I don't understand.

My English is not very well, and I'm not sure you need something.

Yeah, yeah, you're stupid.

Someone else talk to her.

Jen, can you say something before we let this go?

Yes, yes, hello.

Hello, madam.

Yes.

Hello, how are you?

I'm good.

Excellent.

I'm good, too.

Thank you for asking.

I would like to, what language do you speak in native?

Korean and Japanese.

I can speak

you know I speak Korean

what did you say

I told the motherfucker

my sports catch was

He was a Korean, so I lived with him for a while.

That's awesome.

You remember him.

Pull that arrow back harder.

Although he didn't teach me the swearing.

Dude, yeah, I didn't know what that meant, but it sounded pretty bad.

All right, let's call P.F. Chang's.

I love a P.F. Chang's.

Too bad there's none around where I live, in the middle of nowhere.

where hello thanks for calling call the korean rest i want to make an order yeah whoa she sounds

yeah are you fit sorry are you fit sorry one more time are you fit are you in shape do you look good

are you fit um i don't know well it's a simple question really isn't it i mean are you are you

attractive or not how would you rate yourself on one to ten well why not you know i i think you

you sound really really pretty i think i i think you'd sound amazing i think you're probably like

a nine or a ten what do you think probably not but thank you probably not what what what did

he say i said probably not but thank you oh come on don't don't don't be uh don't be modest let's

let's be serious i mean i think she at least has low self-esteem and that means there's a problem

we don't want to get involved with that

I'm sure that eventually

we're going to get a nice girl on the phone

and I think we'll be able to chat her up

and actually arrange a date

I'm already in a relationship but I think

it could really work because I'm pretty good at this

you better watch out

maybe we could get another marriage

once long ago we had AMD perform a marriage

like on air and he was like

actually married to somebody, Carly you married him

to a girl didn't you

some girl in the middle of nowhere

We're, I don't know, we're planning to perform in a marriage.

If we can get a girl to come, like, on a date, we can send her to some place, get a number,

and then, you know, sort of, like, just have some fucking weird place.

I don't know.

Why would I do that?

That's so sick.

I'd be pretty desperate on her part, though.

Like, why would she do that?

Like, yeah, I'm going to try that.

Ah, she might do it.

It depends.

Well, the last one gave the answer.

When you said, you know, are you very fit?

And she didn't answer right away, dude.

I mean, no.

Like, she, like, next time you said it, she goes, hmm.

the ones that will go for it are the proper narcissists you know the girls that think a

lot of themselves and i think we could really easily chat a girl like that up because she'll

be desperate for a shang so we could get her to go somewhere i think that would be funny as fuck

to be honest because i don't really like narcissists i think it would be funny yeah i had

someone i had a medical professional tell me that i'm a narcissist once what did you have that i

i had narcissism that i i have that yeah you have that yeah are you done yeah he did that was a long

time that's before the show and anything like that my unwillingness to let go and let other

people be in charge of certain things i forgot how he put it he's like yeah you definitely do

you've got a bit of that dude you wear the captain's hat come on you wear the captain

Captain King Carlito hat, dude.

Captain Carlito hat.

Yeah.

We're in charge, brother.

Here's a place called Fusion.

It's open until 4 a.m. every night.

It looks like a nightclub.

What?

There might be a fit girl there for you, you know, to get you to do it.

It might be something else, though.

I'm taking it, right?

Yes, sir.

It might be loud, though.

I warn you.

Ah, let's see.

You're an idiot.

Well, that worked out great.

Don't worry.

We have...

I've got a Japanese restaurant, Yakima Hiroshi.

He's in this chat.

No, Yakiniku. I don't know what they're doing, Milkman, but I can imagine.

Oh, that's fine.

Shag now or later, baby.

What's up, Jim?

Shall we shag now or shag later?

Somebody's talking to him. Somebody's running some random comments on his phone.

Asian-style grilled meat with heat.

Thank you for calling. This is Yakiniku.

Hello? Hello? Hello, darling. How are you?

Yes. Are you good?

No.

Are you behaving well?

I'm sorry?

Yeah, yeah. Listen, I'd like to come in there with my friends. Do you understand?

Listen, I have a bit of a problem, though. You see, I need a guide dog. Do you understand?

Yeah. And all my friends have guide dogs, too.

And the ten of us would like to come in there with our guide dogs. Is it possible?

What the hell are you saying? Can you get somebody who speaks English?

I can hear, sorry, just one minute, hold on, hold on

Yeah, I'm holding

What the hell, she said, she was like

Hello

Hello, do you speak French?

What?

Okay, I'm sorry

Yeah, why?

Yeah, no, I want to make, are you, what the hell

Okay, so today is very busy, what time will you come in?

No, no, I'm coming with the dogs, there's ten of us with the dog, do you understand?

Dog?

Yeah, dog, dog.

Like, woof, woof.

Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr.

Oh, I'm sorry.

So, you cannot do that.

Yeah, because a blind dog.

Do you understand?

Oh, blind dog.

Oh, I see, I see.

Okay, so.

Yeah.

It's okay?

Okay, so.

But, no, no, I'm sorry.

You have a reservation, right?

You have to ask manager there.

So, I call you, Matthew.

Is that okay?

Stop, shut up.

Stop bloody talking when I'm talking.

Okay. I want to say, I want to take 10 people with 10 dogs. Do you understand?

I'm sorry?

Oh, my God. It's like I'm talking to an idiot. Hello?

Okay, so can you wait a little bit? Someone is going to call you back later. Is that okay?

No, no, that's no good. I want now, immediately. Immediately, I demand the service.

I'm sorry, sir. I can't understand what you're saying. Sorry about that.

You're stupid.

Why the hell do you answer the phone?

So right now it's outside. It's very noisy. I cannot hear your voice.

No, no, no. Listen, I think it's because...

I'll call you back. Is that okay? Can you wait five more minutes?

Shut up. Shut up. It's because you're an idiot. You are an idiot.

Your parents gave birth because you are stupid. Hello?

Shoo, shoo. Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo.

Are you there?

Hello? Hi.

Hello? Yeah. I just said you're stupid. Idiot, you.

Can you talk to the manager? Is that okay?

No, no. It's not okay. You are an idiot.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Say it to me.

Tell me you're an idiot.

What are you?

I'm sorry?

Tell me you're an idiot.

What are you?

If I say you're an idiot, what are you?

I don't understand.

I cannot understand.

Sorry about that.

You fucking.

Do you understand fucking?

Fuck?

Fuck.

Yeah, you understand?

I'm sorry?

You understand it.

Hello?

Hello, yeah.

What the hell?

Are you stupid?

I'm sorry.

I'm going to work right now.

So I'll call you back soon.

Can you wait a little bit, please?

No.

Oh.

You are such an idiot.

Why do you answer this phone?

I don't understand.

I have to take a bus right now.

Yeah, you bastard.

Do you understand bastard?

How do I say bastard?

I'm going to work right now.

I have to go to the restaurant.

Yeah, shut up.

Okay, why did I call you?

Don't ever call me, you idiot,

because it would be the stupidest conversation in the world.

Why are you stupid?

I'm sorry, my English so bad. Yeah, I know. Well, I know English very bad

Say fuck you stupid. I let me check actually you're Japanese you're speaking Japanese, Ohio

mushy-mushy

Motherfucker

He says she's on the bus on the way to work. Hello. Hello. Yeah, I need to get some shishu

shishu shishu

Shishu yeah, this is no blue restaurant. Yeah, I want the shishu

I don't know what that is.

Can you ask someone, a man, about shi shu shu shu?

One moment, please.

May I ask who's calling?

Yeah, shu.

I'm sorry?

Shu.

One moment, please.

Okay.

Hello, Chinese woman, are you there?

Kalita, I'm she, it's your shu, right?

Okay.

Hello.

One order of shi shu, please.

The other lady's still there.

Shi shu.

Hey, lady.

She's just sitting there now.

I'm so happy we got a three-way call.

Hi, they're all in, um, they're preparing for the pre-shift.

Well, they're a bunch of fuckers, you know that?

You tell them I said that.

Yeah, whatever.

I hung up on the other one, too.

I'm going to take a break after this call.

Let's try to do, let's try to get one more up in there.

What do you say?

Before I go, because I got to pee.

I'm holding my dick right now.

It's that bad.

But I want to do one more.

Gucci.

Gucci. You like Gucci? You like to wear some Gucci

sometimes? I like Gucci's

cheap shit. Oh, cheap

shit. Watch out. What are you, a Tommy Hilfiger

fan, probably?

Hugo Balls fan.

It's Milkman's favorite.

Yeah, Gucci?

Yeah, I was calling about the Shishu.

Shishu.

I'm sorry, what are you looking for?

Shishu, Shishu.

Is there a sales associate that's working with you?

A sales what? Associate?

No. Well, there was

someone there named shishu and they were showing me the uh the show shi shu yeah down by the beach

you guys are on a beach right have anybody named shishu can you can you ask for shu shishu yeah

is it shingle yep shingle shingle shishu is is it so you you was here

earlier yeah i was there yeah i put a finger up my asshole i put a finger up my asshole i i don't

i don't understand this is what can i help you yeah i was down there i was putting a finger up

my asshole and then i would take it out i would smell it you know what i mean

i don't understand what are you saying oh you're gonna steal oh i was down there i was uh looking

at some stuff and i put a finger up my asshole like i uh put it i didn't pull my pants down but

i i had like an itch and i just put the finger all the way up into the asshole

yeah but i touched a few things you know so you i mean just be in the jug

I was touching a lot of stuff

and I touched all the door handles

on my way out

so there's a lot of

shit germs

I put my shit on it

I put my shit everywhere

you fucking shit

alright

alright I'll be right back

she had those speaker phones

she could hear it

I'm going to be back in about 5 or 6

Jen you going to stay with us or you going to pass out

Yeah, yeah, no, I'll stay with you.

I'm feeling a bit better, but I still feel a bit well.

All right.

Thanks, man.

Good.

Milkman will be here, I'm sure, and then we'll probably get some more guests in a little bit.

I have some great ideas, let me.

Good, good.

You're just giving me really good ideas in this video.

All right, man.

Shishu.

It's the Shishu Show.

Shishu Show.

Back in a few.

Thank you.

Okay.

Chow's Radio will be back right after this.

I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trap door at the bottom.

So when you die, you open a tractor at the bottom, the GPS, and you go straight down to...

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

Hey, stupids, it's me, Carlito, back here with the Madhouse Radio show.

With me here is Milkman and Jim Stewart.

It's alright, it's alright

Jim Stewart's here, hey Jim Stewart

Hello

I've taken the liberty of adding a few more people

I hope you don't mind

Let's continue with the numbers, speaking of which

Nunu has sent in a lot of international numbers here

For people named Muhammad

Muhammad numbers here, now let's see

Hey, before you go, look in there

I sent you something fresh from the Nooner

He claims it's very good

And we have to call him

He always claims

He exaggerates everything

He does

I did re-emphasize Nooner

If there's a fucking Spillazda

He'll be like, oh my god, there's a Spillazda

A fucking cool Azda

I think I need 011

i may not be able to do international calls right now because i got a new setup and i

don't know if i've enabled that

how do you dial that i don't know about that don't know yet

plus one no plus zero one no plus whatever the international code is plus four four

number number number is it an english number where's the number british yeah english

yeah so plus four four and then the rest of the number without the first zero yeah that's what i

got and it doesn't go no no i think i have to add an international dialing pattern to my pbx thing

and i don't really understand dialing patterns that well does it work if you put zero zero four

four in front of it zero zero four four let's try that no plus just zero zero four four and then

the number yeah oh yeah thank you

we're saying who are we calling uh muhammad muhammad experts here

oh it's cool this program this is ringing as long as it's ringing so i can actually just look at it

and know whether or not they're really i know amazing right guys this is new news fucking

clever number nobody ever picks up you see he sent a lot of them so he you know if one picks

Except it's like, oh, you see, I didn't do that better.

But none of them are confirmed, so that's the problem.

Let me do a quick find-replace of all that so I get the right format.

Replace.

We're going to replace.

How do we do this?

We're going to place plus 4, 4.

Where did we leave off?

We were about to play Three Little Birds.

Three Little Birds.

One of my favorite Bob Marley songs.

And to be honest, probably a lot of people's favorite.

Here it is.

All right.

Back to my quick replace.

find all replace all

play one other one for me

Duppy Conqueror

Duppy

D-U-P-P

D-U-P-P-Y

Conqueror

see if I got it

if I have it I'll play it right now

Duppy

what's Duppy mean?

Duppy is like spirit

it's a song about

it's being a spiritual conqueror

whereas people can't break your spirit

they can buy your spirit

I got two

I got two versions

from Africa Unite

or from Burn It

let's try those

is the old one. Africa Unite's

newer, so I think they're burning. Burning's

old. There we go. That's the older version.

That's it. Alright. You got it. It's done.

Thank you, brother. You're welcome,

brother. Yes, my friend.

Alright, here's another Muhammad.

Don't let your spirit be broken.

Dwight, make it Dwight's here. Yeah,

hi, Mr. Muhammad. Yeah, I just

wanted to call, say, kiss me, friend.

Kiss me, okay?

Alright. I'm your friend, and I want to kiss

you, okay? Can we do kissing

sing tonight or is it a bad time hello okay he's half asleep that guy isn't he here's the next one

you interested jim or you don't care what's this this is just people last name muhammad from nunu

i had to call him because he how he gets i'm waiting for dwight to get here to talk because

i had to actually say something to him oh no i'm here i'm sorry i re-listened to some last night

show and i was pretty mean some stuff i said i was making some pretty crass jokes about you

I'm sorry.

I don't recall.

Well, I do.

I was pretty impressed.

No one's picking up.

Yay, Nunu.

I would really like to talk to Mohammed, though.

All right.

I'll keep trying to work.

Nunu never fails to disappoint me.

Lord, mercy.

Nuners, come on.

What happened to Lentz and Bluza?

He got lost in a shuffle when I last had my last surgery.

I just don't think he knew that I came back.

I'm going to have to get home.

He's my bro.

I was going to go to this wedding and then I got sick.

I couldn't go.

I think you got sick, bro.

It sucks.

Next one is M. Mohamed.

Because Nunes is a wanker.

And we can't help it.

He's a fuck that he is.

Hello?

Hey, Mohamed?

No.

Let me talk to Mohamed, please.

Can I take a message?

No, no, no.

Who are you?

Do you speak Arabic?

No.

Okay, well, what the hell?

Are you English or something?

Of course we are.

Yeah, it's Ramadan time.

I think it's time to wake up and pray and thank Muhammad for, you know,

shagging a little girl and all this sort of stuff.

And sucking the tongues of boys, apparently, I heard, also.

Yeah.

Isn't that something?

Fucking hell, we're going to get into so much trouble dissing the Prophet.

Why put that in the Bible that he sucked the tongues of boys?

Why admit that?

That's fucking weird, isn't it?

That's not gay.

That is more gay-friendly than the Christian boys, seriously.

The Prophet sucked a ton of boys and shit.

I want to get someone to wish them a happy Ramadan.

Is it really Ramadan, or are you just saying that?

Yeah, you can say Ramadan Kareem.

Oh, you can still eat until the sun rises, guys.

And then you can eat Ramadan curry.

They don't eat curry.

Curry and a heady.

All right, that last one didn't answer, so we're moving on from that.

Thank you.

Curry and a heady.

Yeah.

Okay, so we've done all of Nunu's numbers.

Yes.

None of them but one answer.

That's right.

Well, two.

His percentages are increasing, I gotta say.

One out of twenty.

Yeah, exactly.

He just throws stuff until something sticks.

We got a no-name

selling a new Xbox 360

Call of Duty Advanced Warfare

video game.

Awesome.

I play this far too fucking much.

Yeah? Oh yeah, I see you playing that on the Steam.

Come on back to GTA.

Yeah, come to Darkseid.

I can't be on Darkseid.

Why'd you buy it if you didn't buy it?

Did you stole it?

No, I got it.

I bought it.

And you played for a day?

No, I played for a while.

I just think it's...

I don't like the idea of being rewarded for crime.

But it's not crime.

Okay.

You have reached the voicemail box of three...

I won't argue.

There's no sense in it.

The game is good.

I just think it's very limited.

I've kind of moved on from it myself.

I'd rather be a cop, you know, and shoo all the others.

You want to play a cop version of GTA?

That would be awesome.

GTA 4 had mods that let you play as a cop on PC.

And the problem is, if you whack someone, you still get stars.

Well, so you could.

No.

Yeah, you're selling a new Xbox 360?

Yes.

For only $30?

Which game?

Well, it says it's the whole system, right?

A new Xbox 360 for $30?

I don't think so.

I'm reading here it says new Xbox 360, Call of Duty, Advanced Warfare, $30.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I know it's a video game.

The Xbox is the video game.

Yes, but that's only the video game.

I don't need the TV or anything.

I just need the video game to play on the TV.

Where are you located?

Well, you know where the Walmart is?

You know where the Walmart is?

There's a lot of Walmarts

You know where Crenshaw is?

Yes

Yeah, there

I live down here

In Crenshaw, Walmart

I live in the parking lot in my van

Yes, but this is a video game

This is not a system

This is not a

I know

It's because since you have an accent

I can tell you don't speak English very well

So you didn't write it down right

You're very considerate

I think you're very stupid

That was a waste of time for me

Anyone else want to talk to him now?

Okay

I don't think so

You do?

Or you say you don't

no no not him okay um we got a guy advertising that he moves furniture and is always on call

always on call to move whoa nice okay let's let's ask him if he's gonna move um what what can we say

we need to get something stupid what what can we say we have a um a piece of furniture a wall

well no we have a furniture right so we're gonna think of like a sofa or i tell you yeah a sofa is

good and on the sofa there's the fucking an elephant or something yeah yeah or just a dead

dog yeah oh fuck yeah yeah you can't you can't your dog passed away yeah all right let's try

let's just make this shit up can you write the location in uh yeah yeah los angeles california

fuck right come on man pick that shit you have reached super mover bros your local

My life's please leave a detailed message and we'll return your call 24 fucking hours in my house. I'll call my

And I

So when Jamaica says I and I means you and I somebody's trying to say what's it when a Jamaica says I and I are here

It's like saying you and I and I yeah

Because you see like I'm you also so

Same guy, same numbers that they pick up.

Furniture.

Next, we have someone who checked into the Planet Fitness.

Do you think they're still there, Dwight?

Has it been a while?

These were leftovers from yesterday.

But if you check the link, it does have the telephone number of the Planet Fitness.

Oh, no, that's the...

Yeah, we called that guy.

I forgot about that.

And we accused him of stealing the weights.

Stealing the bags, the gym bags.

Yeah, that guy.

He was stealing the weights and we told him he was also

masturbating in our shower.

I've never used

the shower. I talked to him

because I was like, you've got the gym

bags. Because you kind of

threw me in. I didn't know what was going on. So yeah, so what about

the complaint? I think that's where I started out.

That was fucking brilliant. We can accuse him

of something stupid. Have you got it?

I got it.

We talked to him last night, but fuck it. We'll call him again.

I'm on with this guy.

He looks like the guy from Mythbusters,

doesn't he? On his picture.

The guy with the mustache, he's got a beret on.

He picked up and hung up.

Uh, okay.

I'll try one more time, just in case.

No, it actually said normal call cleaning on here, so I guess that means it ran for too long.

Coming up next after this is the Toyota Prius for sale.

Ooh.

I like the sound of the Prius.

Hi, this is Corey.

This is Mr. Seward here, general manager at Plant Fitness.

How is it going?

How are you doing?

I'm okay.

Okay. Unfortunately, I've had a complaint about you, and we're discussing your membership, actually.

I've got a few board members with me, and I just wanted to get your feedback, to be honest.

How has your experience been so far?

So far, it's been good. You do realize it's like 11.30 at night, right?

It doesn't matter. We've had a very serious complaint, and we have to investigate, unfortunately.

And so, you know, I apologize it's extremely late, but it is very important.

and uh unfortunately you know we do need to discuss it with you we could take legal action

that is an option but i think for now i think we'll just have a chat with you and see

your version of events okay so the situation is that of course um it's it's a very difficult

situation so i just wanted to you know understand what was going through your head when you were in

the in the gym you know touching yourself okay you will have to if this is

a legal matter you'll have to contact the police department file a complaint

oh yeah we did we did that we did that but unfortunately you know we need to

discuss your membership so please do that well we're talking to you now what

what do you have to say no no no please contact the police department file a

complaint and then contact my lawyer well I'm sorry okay so we're gonna

cancel your membership and we're gonna find you and find your mother okay

let me ask who are you even think you're trying to reach i i don't know i just want to understand

i just want to touch you you don't you don't wait you don't know would you let me excuse me can i

touch you can i touch you he's like oh dude that guy's still fucking funny that's awesome

he was yelling that bullshit yesterday about contacting a lawyer and

talk to his attorney and shit it's difficult if you've already pranked him this is hard

real quick before we move on just a few plugs first of all if you're not in tiny chat now

i am broadcasting a video you can watch me playing kdk working out right now on tiny chat

tinychat.com slash prank call nation yeah um also wanted to let everyone know i've been talking

about this this week but i uh did add some items to the prank call nation spreadshirt store

that's prankcallnation.spreadshirt.com

there are mugs there but they're very expensive

they're $23 I think

but there are Madhouse mugs

Madhouse t-shirts

for sale there are no profit for

the Prank Call Nation or for me

they sell at cost

but if you wanted to wear something to help promote us

and you got some money I would recommend probably not getting

the mugs they're real expensive

unless you really are committed

but maybe a t-shirt would be nice

That'd be nice. There's shot glasses. The shot glass is only it's like seven bucks rather get that. Yeah

Yeah, so check that out over there at the spread shirt prank call nation.com slash spread shirt. Uh,

Let's move on we had a Prius or we're gonna do right? Yeah Pryus

Do I want I want to pee on it you want to pee in? Oh, yeah pee on everything remember? Yeah. Oh my god

Okay, so shut do like this or like this. No. No the first one. Yeah like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

Hello.

Buddy, buddy, how you doing?

Yeah, who is this?

Yeah, yeah, it's Mr. Stewart, Mr. Stewart.

Listen, I want to buy your Prius.

Oh, my Prius, yeah, yeah, it's still out there.

Yeah, what?

Hello?

Hello, yeah, what did you, I want your Prius, but there's a few things I want to talk about first.

Oh, okay, the car is up to date, look good and driving good.

Yeah, I have a bit of a fetish, do you know what a fetish is?

A what?

A fetish, a fetish.

Something I like to do.

Package?

Yeah, yeah.

I want to, it's called a shoo-shoo.

A shoo-shoo.

And I want to, basically, I want to piss all over the back seat.

Oh, for taxi?

No, what the fuck?

No, I said I want to pee in the car.

Do you understand?

I'm going to get my knob out.

I'm going to spray my fluid, my excreted liquid watery stuff all over the seat.

Do you understand?

Oh, you're talking about in the back shop over there?

Fuck me.

Listen, you cunt.

Your car, you have a car, yes?

You're selling Prius.

Prius sell.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And me come to Prius, open door, piss on backseat, pee, urinate.

Oh, you want to come check the car?

Yeah, I want to see the car, and then I want to piss on it.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure, no problem.

Oh, my God.

wicked and will you do it with me uh i don't know when you come in and then i can you know

yeah i can can you will you touch me yeah yeah awesome can i touch you too uh wait wait can you

say again i said can i touch you as well we touch each other oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so awesome

mate that sounds really good so um have you ever been in like um you know in in the public toilets

When you've got, like, two urinals next to each other.

Next to each other.

Yeah.

And you've got, like, a man standing next to you.

Do you look at the guys?

So you want to come test driving a car with me together?

Yeah, exactly.

But then afterwards, right, we're going to drink lots and lots of fluids.

And then we're going to pee in the car, in the back seat, the front seat, the wing mirror, the dashboard,

dashboard the speedo the exhaust pipe the bonnet the boot the wheels the rims you know what i mean

the fucking sunroof for all i care maybe you talk french i don't understand yeah where are you from

what's your language your native language my language yeah chinese oh fucking hell i know

know some chinese listen to this so that's that's my chinese what do you think okay i only i only

sell in a car if you want to text driving yeah you can come text driving i don't think you

understand what the word piss means because i think you're a bit fucking stupid are you stupid

i said your mother and father are they really fucking stupid i don't understand what you say

You have mother, yeah, mother?

Okay, my point is, you want to buy the car or you want to text the driver in the car?

Fucking hell, this guy. Fucking hell.

Some people just do not speak fucking English good enough.

They fuck me off to no end.

If you're fucking selling something, you fucking wally,

then you need to be able to understand the fucking language.

Do you understand?

What the fuck he's doing?

He's like a fan

He's such an idiot

How many times have we done this tonight

Where we've got somebody who just cannot fucking speak English

Yeah it's been a hurdle

It's like oh I'm sorry I don't understand

I don't speak English

Fucking I'm doing something

Fucking idiots

Someone who understands

Howard

Can we get Howard

Did you get rid of Sidney Howard's number for tonight

Yeah I just sent it to you

Nice let's call him now

I love Howard.

You should make friends with him real quick.

Oh, yeah.

Who is he?

He is a Hawaiian guy who hates non-Hawaiians.

Oh, nice.

Okay, all right.

Hello, this is Howard.

I'm not available.

Oh, that's a shame.

I think he left it off.

Let's see.

Ring, ring, ring.

Hello, this is Howard.

Yeah, he's either on the phone now or he's turned it off for the night.

Darn.

Let's save it, though.

Do it later.

We'll try it again.

In the meantime, we have more numbers.

Don't worry.

Do you still have the number for the hole?

The hole?

Yeah.

The hole?

You don't remember?

Hole?

There was like a public hole thing that you could visit,

and I tried to say I wanted to get the woman to pee in it.

A woman to pee in the hole.

It's like a giant hole or something.

It's like some natural thing that you can visit.

A giant hole?

Was that like three weeks ago, two weeks ago?

Must have been, yeah.

Yeah.

No, I know.

Am I off?

She was upset that Jin wanted to pee in the hole.

um i probably actually do right in front of me somewhere just gotta track it down a hole yeah i

don't know man oh i know i couldn't tell you it doesn't matter yeah i know it's sad that i have

no idea what it was um here's charlie s-h-a-r-l-y doing a table and chairs do you want to do a call

you haven't done one yet buddy sure charlie we're all slow today like a molasses so the

of reggae music what's

that

We got a link for it

Thank you for calling

Charlie Ward

Charlie Horse

Yo

What's up Carlito

What's up

She just got back in town

Really

Glen Canyon

It's by Arizona

Thank you for calling

Charlie Ward

Charlie Horry

Yes sir

I posted the number in Skype.

Okay.

Big hole.

Wow.

That's great.

Good work, guys.

I don't even know if it's going to work.

That's a problem.

Broken number, though.

053.

I don't think that's right.

No, no.

I think it's because it's in South Africa, so you need to put the South Africa code.

One second.

Any idea about the South Africa code?

I will correct the number.

It's 0027, and then the rest of it.

if the rest of it is i'll type it in up all right now i'm back i had to back out of my driveway

oh be careful carly did you really back into someone yesterday what the hell man yeah i really

did damn bro gotta be careful buddy be careful it was it was yeah it was my fault i was moving

slow fixed my internet machine finally what time what's up 5 45 in the morning or something like

that hey nashby how you doing buddy i'm i'm tired i've been driving all fucking masturbate that

That always helps me when I'm tired.

Helps you vent.

Man, I ain't been in the weeks.

I'm getting a little antsy.

Masturbate.

Pull out that dick and just start beating it.

Go to Tiny Chat and do it for the audience.

Yeah?

No.

From the whole...

I don't even think...

It's ringing funky.

It isn't...

I tried.

It's all right.

Time in South Africa is fucking 5.

5.30 in the morning, so it's no way.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay, get free cable, live sports, and pay-per-view movies.

Someone's offering free cable and shit in Honolulu, Hawaii.

What kind of scam is this? Let's find out.

I'll take this one.

Next, I got a number in Pennsylvania, which you guys can take.

I can't, but you guys can take it.

Because I live in that state.

The subscriber cannot receive messages at this time.

Coming up next is a Pennsylvania complainer against the Comcast organization.

organization. Comcast ruins

the weekend by repeating the script

over and over and not solving the

problem. Internet out again.

Whoa. Big deal.

Dwight, did you get the real call yet?

It sounds like a typical

Comcast experience.

Carlito.

Go ahead,

Dwight. Go ahead. You do it.

Hello, and thank you for calling the Matt Fettig

Real Estate Team. We have reached our administrative

office and our normal app.

Try again. Let's start the voice, man.

oh well um here's a starbucks complainer starbucks discontinued uh her favorite valencia

orange refresher life will never be the same motherfuckers at starbucks you know they they

stopped doing the vimto as well they had this amazing little double shot vimto with like special

cream and vanilla on top and it was just a single like a shot glass like you would take whiskey or

whatever tequila it was really nice and they just stopped doing it this is bang stop gone that sucks

they're fucking gay they didn't even give a reason yeah sometimes it's like small little

you know changes in the cost of some kind of ingredient they put in it yeah the beetle

remember when they're putting beetle stuff in like anything that was red it was like some

beetle it was some kind of stuff made out of beetle shells to give it a red color yeah

Mr. Carlito, the lovely, lovely mistress, Morgan, asked if he needed some numbers, buddy.

Yeah, that would be great.

I can actually tell Morgan she needs some tits.

Hopefully, Wonton's doing all right.

I didn't mean to ask her about that.

Yeah, Jen, this lady, Morgan, she does shows with us and stuff.

Her kitty fell off the balcony.

Poor thing.

Concerned about it.

She is on the phone.

Cool, let's add her.

But let's call this Starbucks Complainer.

Dwight, you're still on deck, buddy?

Yeah, fucking Ann.

Fuck you, Ann.

Yeah, man.

I had a nice Earl Grey venti today from there.

I really like the Teavana teas.

It's a damn shame they're so expensive.

Oh, wow.

Well done.

Teavana is fucking brilliant.

I know about it.

I actually have a teapot from them.

It's a tetsubin.

It's a traditional tetsubin.

Okay, cool.

It was a gift.

It's fantastic.

It tells you how it was made and all this shit,

and how it was like the metal is the color of the sun on the first day,

and all this shit is brilliant.

Oh, cool.

Let me ask you a question.

I've been to Teavana, but before, I eschewed coffee for tea.

I'm a tea drinker now.

I notice when they give you your tea at Starbucks, of course, it's Teavana because they own the brand.

I thought they only sold loose-leaf tea at Teavana, but they got the little bags there.

They're not even paper bags.

They're like this kind of meshy kind of bag.

Yeah, they're filters.

They're like unbleached clear filters.

Yeah.

Can you get those at Teavana, too?

like will they put it in there do they yeah i mean you can get them but i wouldn't recommend

that i would probably say i mean you can do it with filters but it's better to get a teapot with

a with an inbuilt filter okay and then just shove the tea in there and by the way if you're going

to tivana the best tea you can get is the jiju island green okay it's fucking insanely good

okay i'm actually having it shipped from america almost every month it's fucking brilliant oh cool

Cool. That's awesome.

Lovely tea. Lovely, lovely.

What is the name of that tea?

What's the name of that tea again?

It's J-E-J-U Island.

Who makes it?

It's a Korean tea. It comes from Korea.

Who is the baker?

It's Tiavana.

Maybe the link later, dude. I'd be interested.

Let's go to Starbucks.

Some malls have a store called Tiavana.

It's Starbucks' tea company that they bought.

Yeah.

Hang on. Now, let me listen and see what this said here.

What did it say it didn't like, this computer?

Welcome, Morgan.

I see you're here.

Reached a number that does not accept solicitations.

If you are a solicitor, please add this number to your do not call list and hang up now.

Otherwise, please press 1 or stay on the line.

Thank you.

Please hold.

Thank you.

The number you are calling does not accept unidentified calls.

If you are a solicitor, please hang up now.

I'm not a solicitor.

Otherwise, please enter the 10-digit telephone number.

and this itch will not go away.

Hello?

Uh, yeah, are you selling some five-gallon gas cans?

Uh, it's all gone now.

What?

What'd you say?

You motherfucker, did you say they were gone?

Yeah, he just...

Fuck that guy.

Try him again, but I don't think I'll pick up.

I'm in a rush to get off the phone.

Yeah, really?

Fucking.

Yeah, we need to burn some crayons over here.

Hello?

Yeah, you got them five-gallon gas cans or what there, Chief?

I said they're gone.

Well, motherfucker, why'd you do that then?

What?

Why'd you do that then, you motherfucker?

motherfucker you're a fucking asshole you want to fight motherfucker you want to meet the walmart

want to throw bows huh i fuck you good you know there he goes

all right um i don't know if that counts you can take the next one free rocker recliner

it's fine with me if you want big george no i'm back your call has been forwarded to an automated

all right instead we have a free electric dryer being offered by a guy named bill

Bill, oh, God.

Milkman, no work today?

I don't hear any customers.

Oh, all right.

Holiday weekend.

Carlos Day weekend.

Hello?

Yeah, you have...

Hey, listen, you got an electric dryer there, buddy?

Yeah, I do.

Oh, okay.

I'll put Dwight on the line.

He was looking for that.

Hey, Dwight.

Hey, Bill, how you doing?

Not too bad.

How about yourself?

I'm doing all right.

Listen, you got that electric dryer, huh?

I have...

Yeah, I have a...

What do you call it?

What, a May something or other?

Yeah, spit it the fuck out.

Does it work?

Does it?

A Maytag dryer.

Do you have issues working a phone?

It's a Maytag dryer.

No, it stopped working.

I thought it was a switch because power's still going to it.

When you open it up, the light in the inside still turns on.

So I bought a new switch that ended up costing like $60.

Well, that was a dumb fucking thing to do.

I put it in, and it still doesn't work.

So, I don't know.

There might be some kind of a fail-safe thing, a little switch to flip it back on when it overheats or something.

I don't know.

The thing is about five or six years old.

I have the manual with it in the original Switch because it wasn't a Switch.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, so when can I come pick this thing up there?

Well, let's see.

Right now, it's about, what time?

About 10 to 6.

You can come on over now if you want.

Okay, yeah.

Here's what I got planned.

I'm going to bring the pickup truck, and I'm going to go ahead and pick it up,

and then I'm going to hook a chain around it and drag it up and down your fucking road,

and I'm going to leave the pieces in your front yard.

Okay, you're an asshole.

Fuck you.

I'm sorry.

I got carried away.

Can I still come get it?

Because my brother, he needs one, and I think he can fix it.

well that's fine that's fine you're welcome to take it okay if you'd like would it be better to

pick it up tomorrow probably tomorrow that way i can get a five gallon thing of lube so i can put

it right up your fucking ass have a good day sir thank you i'm sorry whoops poor guy was about to

give you another chance all right all right here uh that was a bill there was a bill here's big

Big Ike, who has Kansas City fans.

Let me look at those.

I don't know if they're hand fans or ceiling fans.

Let's look.

Sports fans.

It's a jersey or shirt.

Oh, like polo shirts.

For a second, I thought the picture of it was in the locker room.

I thought it was like someone's, like their coach's.

Colin Kaepernick.

Colin Kaepernick does never play for the Chiefs, did he?

Colin Kaepernick played for the 49ers.

Whatever, mumbles.

Is Morgan here?

Morgan, how did you forget the sandwiches?

maybe she didn't want to connect i'm sorry i was making presumptions she was she was there uh

shortly but then it seems like she dropped off again eh okay yeah probably to go make the

sandwiches right yeah maybe well okay all right hey i just walked into that morgan

something i need for this new program i need a hotkey for hanging up i have a hotkey for

redialing it's ctrl r it's really awesome maybe ctrl h i will test it out and find out oh dude

this is exodus love this song milkman you have another obscure bob marley song we might like

i'll look it up i probably have it i have such a big library of his bro are you here still yes

and i know kind of how about how about rocket baby rocket baby did i already play it tonight

let me look okay rocket baby let's see one of the only slight guitar songs i've ever heard

um let me look under the whalers because i don't see it under morally no don't have it i can always

youtube it hang on find out how to spell youtube tonight youtube.com rocket baby sure you don't

mean rocket man rocket baby by the way found it oh rock it baby i thought you meant rocket baby

hang on catch a fire is the album it's off of catch up okay i think i've catch a fire here we

we go okay i found it well it says baby we've got a date but it came up on her catch a fucking

rocket baby it's what it's what okay well all right let me start it see if you think this is

it i'm not 100 confident here confidence level is not high because that's the first that's one

of the first verses this is it that's it that's it all right cool all right we move on with the

show uh ike did not pick up instead we're gonna look at a spear gum spear gum spear gun

and a Refe Euro.

I don't know if that's rifle Euro.

Let me look at the ad real quick.

Alright, so I guess

it's Refe Euro brand

spear gun in great condition

for $250.

Lombar, are you interested? You sound like a person

that would need a spear gun.

Yeah, I didn't hear what you said, though.

Actually, if you could repeat that really quick.

Spear gun?

The brand is R-I-F-F-E

Starting narrator.

No, not narrator.

RTK NGUI 64 Dialog.

Oh, no.

Real Tech HD Audio New GUI.

Pain.

Does anyone know how to turn off Windows Narrator?

Because now it's going to be talking.

I can't have this.

This is going to read shit that I got up here.

Like passwords.

Exiting Narrator.

Oh, good.

I got it.

I got it to exit.

Oh, now it's showing the Windows Home bullshit.

Now it's syncing.

Stop it.

That's when you hit Control-N.

You know what it is?

Yeah, I know.

That's what I did by Reflex.

You know what it is?

I've got these macro set on my keyboard for um for GTA

Like to eat like snacks and stuff like that like go through need all of them

And it's really intricate and I just held on control as I pressed it

So I just did like control up control down control enter control into like a whole bunch of weird combinations

And now I'm looking at a large version of a calendar and I can't get out of it straight up

I got into some windows fucking 10 shit Windows 8 shit. All right. Here we go. I made it out. All right, okay

Okay.

Jesus Christ.

Put the number to a publicist, too, later if you want.

I've got some info, and I'd love to do that call if you have time later.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Who's at the store?

Nashby?

What are you getting?

Some Hot Pockets?

The groceries are up for a week until I head out to Cali.

Hot Pockets.

No?

I'm trying to guess what you're getting.

Chili, milk, cereal, string cheese, and popsicles.

All right.

Alright, well, what kind of cereal?

Captain Crunch Berries.

Okay.

What kind of milk?

2% scam?

What are you getting?

Yep.

2%?

2%.

What's up, Jin?

I'm afraid I'm going to have to call it a night, gentlemen.

That's fine.

It's late.

It's 5 a.m. and I'm dying.

Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

You go, man.

Thanks for being on, man.

It was good.

Hey, no problem.

Maybe next week I'll join you again.

Yeah, totally.

Have a good night and have fun.

And thanks for having me on the show.

Sorry I was really high at the beginning

Thanks

You're fine bro

Come on anytime

Love you bro

Take care

Take it easy guys

Bye

Bye bye bye

Take care bro

Take care

Alright

Woah

Um

I think I need a number refresh

Dwight what do you think

Where am I at

Or did you

You sent me some more

Since I last

I tossed you some more

Yeah I thought so

There's a lot

There's a lot as well

I believe

Did we get the spear gun going

Or did I get off on a tangent

No we didn't get that going

got our attention that's right there we go thanks guys

thanks have a good night it's a two percent mill hey the two percent is not

all watered down is incorrect please check the number or code and try again the number dialed

it's something weird hey god your grocery cart's too loud one percent and skim is like

I got my $100,000 bonus for my week of daily objectives, Carlito.

Nashville, turn off your grocery cart.

All right, I stopped.

He said he was grinding coffee.

That's what he was doing.

Meet yourself until you're in your car and driving, and close your windows.

No, I run the AC in my truck.

Oh, shit.

Great.

That's going to be AC blast.

Leave your AC off.

All right, anyway, look, I'll stop fucking around.

I'm Mr. Smorgasbord, sir.

Hey, Mo.

Listen to this song, everybody.

Let me get the fucking numbers updated on my wordpad notepad here

Morgan will be back in about four minutes. She says

Shall I try Howard again?

Morgan sent in numbers for various musicians a son oboe oboist there. That sounds fun. That's a very repressed

Instruments play people that play that are well known for being suicidal

Cutters, I have no evidence to back up those claims. All right back to the list

yeah that publicist i was telling you about um i think it would be pretty good i think i can make

it work i got some background information about some people that he represents and i think don

rickles is one of his people so i was thinking about calling the publicist and saying that he

made some racist comments or whatever you know don rickles probably yeah but i saw him i saw him

recently in one of the last david letterman episodes and he's getting pretty that's what

i was thinking we could fuck with this publicist you know the thought you know it could work you

You should call Joan Rivers' publicist and ask to book her

and act surprised when they tell you she's passed away.

Start crying.

He's like, no, Joan, no.

I did that on a call with Morgan the other night.

I came to tears, actually.

I was surprised.

Hello, this is Howard.

Oh, Howard.

I'm not available right now.

Will you please leave a message or call back and have a nice day?

I'll leave them on the phone.

Aloha.

Howard, how are you doing?

Okay, thank you.

Thank you.

you forgot how to hang up the phone there we go new system everybody new system thank you i'm new

here oh yeah is that the volcano guy carlito yep volcano you can thank dwight for that i throw you

in the fucking volcano do you understand me yeah man what kind of string cheese did you get nashby

it's a local one it's called uh cash valley string cheese and i can eat the 36 in like an

hour and a half so wait a minute is it a cheap brand be honest no hell no it was like 13 bucks

a bag for how many still anything 13 bucks for 26 that's cheap man 50 cents yeah what's up milk

man look up three o'clock roadblock three o'clock roadblock all right let's see yeah it's a real

good tune dude it's about like how they got a curfew and they had a curfew in jamaica and like

Like, at, like, 3 o'clock, the cops would block the roads and, like, search your car and take your weed and shit.

And if they caught you with weed, it'd beat your ass and then take you to jail.

Looks like I have...

Just take your weed and smoke it.

That's kind of, like, what the whole song's about.

Like, why can't we be free and just, like, drive around?

Well, it looks like I've got a three...

A three.

A few versions of it.

Babylon by Bus, Chantdown Babylon, Nanny Dread, and Rebel Music.

Those are all the four albums.

the first one is a crazy bone song

rebel music

don't play the remix

play the rebel music

one of those is a good one

it should be about 6 minutes and 40 seconds

640 yeah here we go

647 to be exact

oh yeah this song is awesome

I know this song is fucking

it breaks off right here in a second right at the beginning

you got all this

like fuck you cop

rebel music

who's motherfucking Howley

All right, here's the first of Morgan's numbers.

We got a Shannon who plays the alto, tenor, flute, and the oboe.

Hang on, let me format these real quick.

Mr. Dwight.

How was your Father's Day?

Everybody's good?

Happy Father's Day, Dwight.

You too, Llama.

Happy Father's Day.

Yeah, yeah.

Cook some broth, some burgers.

Who else is a father?

Ashby, you don't have any kids yet, right?

You're a son?

You're like me.

I don't have kids yet.

still trying to go through the change as a young man morgan has slaves she's a woman

i heard nashby shoots blinks it's all the string cheesy i'm unable to get to the phone right now

but if you please leave a message i'll get back i think so what does it morgan say what kind of

sandwiches she was making i hope to have mayo i like ran out of mayo today here you know it's

fucking crisis put it on the grocery list put it on the grocery list wife failed to get it

that's the last reason i get the mail it's like i didn't oh shit like you didn't need

she didn't want to give a smacker no she did a good job otherwise on a very long list so

i was my brother she always makes a mistake i can get the mail i've got a mayo reserve anyway

strategic mail your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system

gonna yeah little packets just laying around curly yeah i've got a i've got a small box that

i ganked from work of uh mayo packets of yeah and fuck it right yeah they're not they're not uh as

good tasting as the cold hellmans but they'll get you through in a pinch they're no worse than a

sandwich you'll buy anywhere all right so uh we got a bassoon player bassoon saxophone and alto

Alto Tenor, again, we're trying this one.

See if we get a band going or something like that.

Who hasn't had a prank that wants to do one?

Lama, are you still prankless tonight?

Yes, I think so.

You're welcome for this one.

If only I were caught up with what you were doing.

This is a saxophone again?

This is Steven.

He's a bassoon saxophone and alto tenor saxophone.

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

All right.

Instead, here's the next one, who is Steve Aho, A-H-O.

I have to give that last name out because it's awesome.

Steve Aho.

Is he in Hawaii?

No.

Anyway, he's a drummer, it looks like.

He does percussion, drums, piano, and the vibraphone.

Wow.

What's a vibraphone?

I think that's like when you're in elementary school, they let you hit the mallet like a xylophone,

but it's like those wood ones.

they're kind of like xylophones

but they're kind of bassy

you use these big felt things

to hit it, big felt mallets

I wonder if he'd be willing to play

for me and my future husband's

gay wedding

do you know what a xylophone is?

so imagine a wooden version of the xylophone

I called this guy last week

and he's worked with Adele and Stevie Nicks

and a bunch of really famous people

oh by the way your voice sounds perfect

right everybody yeah you don't sound like a little mini mouse at all oh shit hold on

get her to keep it sorry let's see how long we can get it all right so here's a drummer you

want a llama or anyone else holla yeah man i want to talk to someone yeah for sure you can do it

you have internet now you can do it yeah yeah that's better morgan okay milkman what's next

any other song after this one monkey reggae party monkey reggae part are you joking with me

Hello, may I please speak with Mr. Aho?

Yeah, this is he.

Hello, Steve. I'm calling about in regards to your instrument playing.

I understand that you play the drums and percussion as well.

I do, actually, yeah.

All right. Could I book you for a private event?

Do you think that would be all right?

Absolutely.

It's a wedding. It's a homosexual wedding in New York City.

Basically, it's going to be a lot of fun, and I'm willing to pay you.

Well, I guess we need to discuss that.

How much money would you require?

I'm sorry about that, but it certainly has nothing to do with me, sir.

So it's a yes or no.

Are you willing to come to the wedding and play or not?

I don't have all night, sir.

Can I ask you who recommended you to me?

Well, actually, I found your name on a list of drummers.

I'd rather not give out the publicist that I was speaking with.

Does it matter, sir?

I'm trying to pay you.

Why don't you send me an email with some of the details and I'll get back to you.

That's why I've got you on the phone right now, sir.

That's why I've called you.

I don't have time to send emails, sir.

I'm very busy.

The details all will fly you to New York. We're gonna set up your drums and cushion if you will

Basically the only catch there the drumsticks. They will have to be shaped out of shapes

They'll look like penises some large black penises sir, and you will play the drums with those

Up to $10,000

Thank you. Fuck you motherfucker. I don't know why I went goddamn British. That was stupid

that's fine you were inspired by jim i don't know hey carlito hey buddy i just raced these

five motherfuckers in a race on gta and uh as soon as we started going we were doing super class

i fucking pit maneuvered three of them right off the fucking line wow you're that guy and they

went they all went fucking spinning i was out running them by like 20 seconds i was like fuck

you guys those fucking races they get long man i hate it when people put like 10 laps

I'm sitting there forever on those long loops.

Hey, the next one here, let's see.

We've got Sarah who plays the flute, the piccolo, the bass.

There's a bass flute?

What's a bass flute?

Is it like a jug?

I think they mean skin flute.

Yeah, it's a bass flute.

It's like the jug.

This is a bass flute, son.

You're wrong.

We've got some nice jugs.

It's like a big foghorn.

Is that the one that says she plays the flute four different times?

I guess there are four different ones here.

Piccolo, alto, bass flute, and flutes in general.

So she plays.

If you play one kind of flute, you can play them all.

It's the same fingerings, no pun intended.

That's what she said.

It's just the amount of air you're going to be blowing.

You can catch on it real quick.

Same thing for me as a trumpet player when I was young.

I can move over to the fucking sousaphone and shit like that.

I played trumpet as well, actually.

Hey, cool. What's up? Brass, man.

Fuck yeah.

Alright. Alright. Flute.

Who wants to flute? Morgan, you haven't done a call yet.

Lama, did you get one in?

Did you get in there? Yeah, you did.

You got a little bit in there.

Okay, what's this person's name?

Sarah and Don.

And I just threw that publicist

in at the bottom of the list as well.

Morgan is a flute player?

No.

Relax the lips.

Work the jaw.

should have changed the id on this let me do that now we're in hawaii now no

oh one more please here's the next song you call for funky reggae this seems to be a live song is

that right is that what it should be like there's a different version dude there should be a studio

version punky not look up uh look up kinky reggae kinky reggae i think i have but actually

Actually, Punky Reggae is a great card party song if you can find one.

I have a version that's good, but actually the studio is a little better.

This is off of Catch a Fire.

Cool.

No.

I mean, cool.

Yeah.

It seems like a lot of people say they like Bob Marley, and they just play the same five, six songs.

I know Bob Marley.

Better version.

This is great.

I got several versions of this, though.

You said there's a better version now?

Or a little bit.

Yeah, it's good.

that's the same length here's one off of babylon by bus this is a live version all right here's

this one is 3.1 i don't know maybe it's this one huh we're playing what we got milkman obscure is

number 10 off of the whalers is the next person on the list stanley i think so yeah stanley aaron

okay okay stanley pete okay yeah okay sorry here we go a little something different here

who plays the piano uh shout out to ds who discovered there's a youtube channel called

madhouse pranksters oh what the fuck they're video pranking uh video pranking couple it

appeared one of those you know plant prank bloggers which i'm sorry i'm guilty of hello

watching some of them i'm getting over these leave your name and so ready for that try again

busy machine they did leave a second number though maybe this is a cell

yeah the next one is sarah who is an oboe player and an english horn i need a jug player a big

sarah good luck there morgan sarah's a ginger what do you think thank you yeah hello hey can

i speak with sarah please this is she oh hi sarah um my name is kendra and i was actually uh just

calling in regards to your uh oboe playing um we're actually i was recommended uh your name

by a really good friend of mine whose name's Madison.

And she said that you were a fantastic oboe player,

and we're actually looking to hire somebody both for a little bit of studio work

as well as a benefit concert that we're doing in August.

And I was just wondering if you might be available for that.

What time of day is the concert?

It's in the evening, the early evening.

okay um unfortunately i have a job that i do every night um in the evenings in july and august

so i don't think we're willing to pay you i guarantee much much more much more i i'm sorry

i really can't well what if we pay you double what the prostitution pays um i'm sorry what if

we pay you double would that be would that be fine i'm sure you know you can't really argue

you with double we'll even pay you triple perhaps it's just a little bit of oboe playing we need you

for and i'm sure your your other job will understand i'm sure your clients will understand

if you're you know away for a night right um i tell you what would it be possible if you could

perhaps email me some more information um yeah i could do that um do you have a computer handy

by chance i don't i'm actually in a break in a rehearsal at the moment um oh okay okay so you

You don't, even on your smartphone?

I am on my smartphone.

Okay, okay.

Well, yeah, if you want to check out, you can check out our website if you'd like.

That way you can see if it's something you actually, you know, want to do or not.

You can do that right now.

Just press the backspace button.

You want to try that?

Give that a try?

Can you hold on a second?

Because I actually need to get paper and a pen.

Oh, no, no, no.

You have to do it right now, though.

I'm sorry, but what is your name?

Sarah.

Sarah what?

are you not listening to me i feel like you're not listening yeah i am but like i said i'm in a

rehearsal area and it's a little bit okay you just said you were taking a break i thought listen i i

can't deal with this stuff right now um i'm gonna i'm gonna get my manager on the phone he was the

one that instructed me to call you so just one second i'll put him through maybe you'll listen

and better to a male just one second oh fuck fuck she hung up yeah she did what a bitch why don't

you speak with her i will try see i was trying oh man sarah please leave a message thanks what a

bitch i know right or even her voicemail okay if you're in if anyone's interested the next person

on the list um they have envoy landline if you want to pretend to be their phone provider

Ooh, Envoy.

Yeah.

Is that E-N-V-O-Y?

It's O-N-V-O-Y.

All right.

That's what I was looking for was Sarah's number, and then when she picked up, I hadn't found it yet, so it's lost.

I'm looking for a contact us number for that song.

Found it.

Good song, Milkman.

Yeah, the next person is Steven, right?

He plays the electric banjo?

Yeah.

Okay.

Electric banjo.

Yeah.

milkman electric banjo you ever play one of those you're a big string uh player it's great all right

here he is bass flute i thought i heard him ever can't get to the phone right now so leave us a

message call back we can't get to the phone right now so leave us a message call back and the next

person here owns a music production company and they have pacific bell landline hello hello yeah

Yeah, hello, is this a machine or is this Steve?

Hi, Mr. Carr, how are you?

This is Cross, I'm calling from Pac Bell, Pacific Bell, how are you doing?

Pacific Bell, what with?

Well, we have a problem with this phone line.

It's generating a lot of electrostatic interference that we've detected.

So we're required to contact you to determine what the source of that is.

With your Pacific Bell?

Yeah, with your phone line, actually, coming back.

Right, but my phone line is by AT&T.

Yeah, but you're affecting Pacific Belt lines that are in the area.

Well, I have no idea why that would happen.

Well, it's happening, so you must be generating some kind of electrostatic interference on your line.

How would I do that?

Well, it has to do with your inside wiring.

Nine times out of ten, this is when we have people who are usually running a lot of indoor lights.

Marijuana grow houses is the biggest reason.

No, we're not doing that. We're just a normal house.

Well, I mean, maybe, are you growing?

Oh, he hung up.

No, we're not growing anything.

Are you? Are you sure?

You're asking me if I'm growing marijuana?

Yeah, I mean, if you have a prescription for it, even, it's okay.

I'm not here to judge.

I tell you, we don't.

We have nothing like that going on.

Okay, but you can. You're allowed to. You know that, right?

I may be allowed to, but I'm not doing it.

I know, but here in California, you're allowed to. It's okay.

I want to be upset.

I can just detect that. Maybe you have a crossed wire, then.

Well, maybe we do. I have no idea.

Do you have a cordless phone? A cordless phone?

I do.

Okay. Do you have a backup walled phone?

I do.

Okay. Can you pick that up for me, please, while this one is on?

Sure. Let me put you on hold.

Okay. Thank you. Yes, sir.

Okay. I have you here.

Here, so you have the cordless phone is turned on also, correct?

Pardon?

The cordless phone is on also?

No, it's off right now.

All right, go ahead.

I've hung up on it.

It's still operating.

Yeah, I know.

I know, but you hit the hang up button.

Now, I'm watching from here on the computer.

If you can go ahead and hit the on switch on that for me.

On what?

On the cordless phone while you're talking to me here on your backup walled phone.

Okay, I will hit on switch.

And that puts it on line one.

And line two is busy.

okay that's because we're online all right so you can't have it where you're both handsets are on

the same line at the same time um maybe i can can you that's what i need you to do can you do that

for me here real quick i should be able to reset this for you we can leave you alone you're going

to notice so much better phone quality in all your lines it's going to amaze you hold on let

me put you on hold sure sure yes sir how can i call you back um the problem is if you try to

a call back you may not get me you're probably going to get someone else and to be honest probably

someone over sitting here very concerned that you're not with pacific bell oh i am i am ma'am

sir i definitely am all right so you're both we're both on this line now no all right can you can you

switch that over i just want to watch your hair from the computer see if we can get this corrected

and this will make sure i don't seem to be able to talk to you from both phones have you been

been getting a lot of like phone calls and no one talks on the other end of the phone or anything

like that that's what i'm this won't that this will make us so that does not happen to get any

more okay so what do you want to do all right so we i what we need to reset that cordless phone

needs to be reset you probably had a power outage and it tripped over and we can i can reset that

for you the filter that has built on board it's really easy to do hold on just a minute let me

put you on the speakerphone sure sure sure sure tell her what uh yeah see what we're detecting

here in this in the phone switch at the head office uh that handles your neighborhood it's

showing that there's a lot of interference coming from that cordless phone on this line

and when that happens then not only is it affecting a lot of people in your area all the houses

nearby are getting a lot of bleed over so they can hear your conversations um you also keep getting

a lot of phone calls people calling and not answering the phone they just all you hear is

silence like they just hang up and and what it is it's it's phantom calls like you're gonna keep

coming in and this will reset that it's just we have got some of those today we have yeah

What is your name?

My name is Cross. Cross Valente.

What office are you out of?

I'm out of the head-end office here out of Long Beach.

Basically, it's what we call a head-end central office.

It's what in the past would have been the switch, you know,

where the operators would have switched your line back and forth like you see on the old movies and TVs.

But it's all done electronically now, of course, for the last 40 years almost.

But in this facility here, then, we have control of all the phone lines.

And we're noticing that there is a big interference from your line from my cordless phone.

And it's really simple to fix.

It'll take me about less than a minute.

We just need to have you pick up that cordless phone, pick up the line when it's on this line with me now that we're on the other phone with in the wall.

No.

All right.

Well, we may still be able to get this fixed, though, then.

That's fine.

But it's much easier if we can have it up.

If you're saying not, then I'll just get...

Do you not trust that you work for a phone company?

I'm sorry?

I don't trust that you work for a phone company.

But how come?

I identified myself.

I get my ID number.

You see the caller ID there.

Where's this come from?

Authenticated the account with Mr. Carr already.

Caller ID on the phone.

No, there's no caller ID.

Can you hear me?

I do.

Well...

Not on that...

Yeah, I could hear...

Yeah.

Yeah, we need to reset that switch in that Corl's phone.

You need to turn it on, sir.

I can help you with this.

I think we aren't interested in doing this.

Motherfucker.

Come on, motherfucker.

Come on, motherfucker, you.

She didn't trust you, Corlito.

No, they have the other phone still picked up.

That's that other line.

I got the other line's number, though, it looks like.

Let's call it.

Either that or it's her cell phone, one of her cell phones.

There's something different, too.

I can't see the calls when they're connected.

To be honest, I wanted him to record his phone for 10 seconds while it was turned on.

I wanted to hear it.

I wanted to see what it sounded like.

RB the other night telling people to throw waffle irons through the fucking windows.

I don't think he would have done it.

That was a smart cat.

He would not have done it.

Hello?

Yes, sir.

Hi, I'm calling from Pacific Bell regarding an electromagnetic interference we're detecting on this line.

Yes, on this line?

Yes.

This line is Verizon, and this is my cell phone.

I know, but we have it down as your contact number on the phone line that we were calling about.

Okay.

Right.

I'm just trying to show you.

I'm calling from, you know, from customer service, you know.

Hold on.

Let me put you on this.

I'm calling from.

Say what?

All right.

Let me sit down.

Hello, Mrs. Carr.

Good evening, Mrs. Carr.

I'm sorry I set you.

I'm sorry.

That's okay.

Phone number.

It's listed on the account that we have here on file for the phone line that we're providing for you.

But you don't provide.

You're presenting bills.

I know, but we provide the copper.

AT&T leases the line from us, but we provide the infrastructure.

I believe that's true.

No, I don't believe you need this.

We're the exchange carrier.

We're the legacy exchange carrier.

And what do you want us to do?

We need to reset the cordless phone so we can get the interference to go away

so it doesn't affect your neighbors anymore and you don't receive phantom phone calls anymore.

It takes 10 seconds.

Please, okay.

How can you reset the cordless phone when it's on the same line as our landline?

The phone itself, it's called electromagnetic arrhythmia.

That's occurring via the cordless handset.

It keeps sending out a pulse, but not timed as it's supposed to be.

It's very easy to fix.

It usually happens after a power loss, maybe a nearby lightning strike, something like that.

And it's very, I can give you the instruction.

If you have a microwave, it takes 10 seconds.

And what do you want us to do?

You put the microwave in defrost mode, not cook mode, in defrost mode for 10 seconds with the cordless phone in there.

it resets the polarity and it goes it puts it back into normal sinus rhythm okay so i go into my

microwave barbara let me do this i believe that this is not going to harm us okay i go into

microwave and i do what put the cordless phone inside and turn it on for 10 seconds sorry my

wife will not let me do this put her on the phone she's crazy don't listen to her don't listen to

her don't let her do this well i'm sorry i cannot listen to her you want me to go into my microwave

and do what put the cordless phone in there turn it on for 10 seconds and turn the microwave on

yes you have to make sure that the cordless phone is switched on not hung up it needs to be on and

turn the microwave on for 10 seconds let it run and then take it out in the microwave that's not

When he's asking while his phone is in the microwave, is that correct?

Yes, sir, that is correct.

Okay, so if I go in and run the microwave for 10 seconds.

Yes, that's correct.

She hung it up!

She went and pulled the fucking plug.

She pulled the plug on the whole thing.

She fucking slapped the cell phone right out of his hand.

Oh, that was fucking awesome.

I got him fighting.

He was going to put it in the fucking microwave.

I know.

Don't do it!

I found someone that wants to get peed on.

Every time I hear the name Barbara, it makes me think of Night of the Living Dead.

And it's like, they're coming to get you, Barbara.

Dwight, did you see that message I sent you there?

You want me to do a call for you?

Yeah, I don't give a fuck.

I'll do a call.

I put the info, but it's...

I wrote it down.

I don't want to use up time here, but...

I never saw it.

you want to call back and get yelled at by her let's try it

should i call the cell phone back yeah all right because you might answer it they were dumbfounded

and when they phoned out, how'd you get that level?

Yeah, he would have...

Robert was pissed.

She's beating him with this cordless phone.

Yes, sir, hi, did you get a chance to do that?

I know we got disconnected.

I think she hung up the phone.

Yeah, I ran the mic away for 10 seconds.

Okay, and I'm showing here on the computer,

yeah, it looks like that worked.

That worked, but the phone's fine.

Yeah, you should no longer have those calls coming in like that bothering you,

and I'm already seeing on the grid

the magnetic interference

is down to 10%

and falling.

Okay, thank you.

Hey, listen,

yeah, and I hope

you tell your wife

to teach her a lesson,

you know,

in trust and respect

for men

and for the husband,

you know?

Okay, well,

thank you very much.

Yeah, really,

tell her that she needs

to show you

a little bit more respect.

We'll try that.

She's a fucking bitch

is what it is.

She fucking ruins my life,

fucking my work up,

my job, you know?

Okay, we're okay now.

Yeah, we're good, motherfucker.

All right, thanks for that, by the way.

All right, bye, bye.

See you later, bye.

He sounded like he was crying, you know?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Dude, just like my parents would just argue like that,

probably like at 2 to 1 in the morning.

Some fucking wacko calls in.

They would do that.

It's just like, does God get to help us?

I believe does God get to help us?

I just got back in, dude.

What happened?

Did you call or did you tell him to stop?

No, I convinced him to run the microwave.

microwave he didn't put the phone inside though no no but he ran the microwave with the phone in

the same room and uh but she hung up the phone before we could hear it as it happened i wanted

to hear beeps but that was fun phone call brad would like that call here's the violin player

anyone want sharon the violin player doesn't everyone jump at one try i don't know shit

about violins who cares though right neon does she play violin yeah you have reached 805 650

five oh you should call that paul dude that i put in there all right and let the white uh did you

see the messages of the white did i unmute yeah you are now oh fuck fuck me running i'm in the

middle of a very important race i just told i was in first now i'm at fucking last you have

turned on me six five oh one two one nine the home of sharon yeah milkman and ashley both were

saying i shouldn't let them do that and yeah i didn't let them yeah you should have let them do

i don't think 10 seconds would well i had a bad i was thinking already that there's a battery and i

really didn't think it was i thought it was i was waiting for him to hang up that's why i kept

dragging it out so long until i finally got him to the point where he heard what i was gonna say

i just like how she was she was the one that was like fucking don't fucking she probably thinks

that you her husband would probably do it probably she wasn't around and she knows that that's why

she was screaming at him not to do what it's like the fifth time that something like this

has happened like he's been putting tin foil in the microwave i told you you're not allowed to

use a microwave anymore he puts more controls in there he puts tv dinners in there with the

tin foil and shit on it i fucking told you last time you put a tv dinner in with a fucking fork

still in there oh shit i think that 8280 is the cell but did you read that dwight are you caught

caught up on who this guy is and no i mean you want me to call someone the n-word i think that's

carly no no no no no no no no read read that i'll do it i'll do the call i'll do it i'll do the

call i just don't know i just see dwight will you call paul for me tell him that he's a dirty n-word

yeah i'm a reporter for blah blah blah and yeah whoever you want don rickles yeah like say that

he asked a publicist or whatever he's aware of the recordings that he's made the recordings of

him saying... You don't have to say the N-word.

You can say that he said some sexist...

Whatever. You're good at that. You know what I mean?

Okay. Yeah. Call him up.

I'm going to do two things at once.

This guy's a real fucking asshole.

Yeah. Milkman, I'm not going to make him burn

his house down. Come back. I'm sorry.

Please, Milkman.

I don't want Milkman to think I was...

Yeah, that's some stuff Dwight will do.

I wouldn't let a lot of people...

I know. I know better than to want him to do that.

I knew he would... I'm probably sure he would have hung up.

I was waiting for him to hang up.

So we did piano already.

Hang on, I'm just trying to catch up.

Who sent numbers one?

Who else has sent in numbers?

I've got Morgan's numbers.

Did you send more after that, Dwight?

No, I haven't sent any in a while.

Okay.

And then Llama sent in one.

No, no, no.

There's two.

There should be two.

The 8280 is the cell.

You just tried the first one, but the second one is his cell, I believe.

It's another contact for him, for that publicist.

Can you repost it?

keep scrolling. Yeah, no problem.

I'm going to throw it in right now. Right

now. The very bone.

Oh, that's what it was.

We're going to gangbang some bitches.

Well, no, this is what it was. Morgan's peeing

number. The guy that wants to be peed on. That's what

I was looking for. Oh, okay. And then I'm

doing Lama. I'm sorry, Lama. Hang on. No, no, no.

Dude, no worries. I knew there was more than one.

All right. Lama peeing. Morgan,

did you want to do the peeing one, or does

anyone else want it? Here it is.

I'd love to do the peeing. Of course.

yes no i put a space in there piss in those there's piss time to take a piss oh come on

computer there we go don't send me pluses guys just put one in area code that seems to be the

way this new program works you know what do it your way it's on me to format it no you send it

beggars can't be choose um hi i was just calling about your ad on craigslist about the water sports

oh yeah yeah have you found someone oh sorry about that that was my phone have you found

someone to do that you're looking to be peed on right right right i went uh no i yeah exactly

and i haven't found anybody yet are you in actually like well based on your phone number

i'm pretty close to you like have have you had much experience in this or is this your first time

yeah no i've had a few times already oh really yeah do you have any like what's your what's your

preference like how do you normally do it do you normally do it like in the bathtub or do you like

Like, the girl, like, squatting over you, or what are you into?

On a blanket.

On a blanket?

Outside or something?

Well, inside, like, just on a blanket.

I mean, I'll just find out on a blanket, you know?

Okay.

Are you looking for me to come over to your place, then, or what?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Okay, cool.

Because I actually have my sister and I, well, she's, like, my half-sister,

but we do a lot of, like, kind of dirty, kinky things together.

other so two is obviously better than one right yeah exactly definitely do you like to like just

lay there like with your mouth open or what how do you what do you like yeah exactly oh okay okay

do you think you can handle two full bladders or what yeah definitely oh really okay and then what

do you do while this is happening like do you jerk off or what i just lie there you just lie there

okay so you don't whip your penis out or anything no okay you're not going to like try to to touch

our our titties or anything right no no not at all okay okay well we we might be interested

what are you willing to do for us if we're willing to do this for you um i'm willing to uh pay you

know well can you suck your own cock can you self-suck at all are you able to suck your own

cock by chance because me and my sister really like that you know i couldn't oh okay do you

have a small a small little dick or what i'll probably try to reach it you know

well you'd be surprised you'd be surprised but a little bit of um like training can do you know

oh yeah yeah yeah so well when do you want to do this um i'm gonna be home a little later on i'm

I'm actually over here in, I'm over here in Pima right now.

Okay, okay.

Yeah, because, yeah, my sister's actually, my sister is with me,

and I actually, I just drank, like, almost a two liter of pop,

so I have a pretty full bladder right now,

so I'm going to give you just a little bit of a taste of what you're in for,

and if you want, you can jerk your dick.

I'm going to pee for you right now, so make sure your ears are listening.

Oh, yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

oh yeah that's so much pee so much pee don't you just wish that was in your mouth right now

yeah i really want to drink it right now i know it's so warm so much pee wow i know i know it's

It's hot, hey?

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Wow.

Yeah, that's a lot of pee.

That's sadly wasted.

It should be going down your throat, you know?

I know.

Doesn't this just make you feel horrible that all that pee was just wasted?

Yeah.

Yeah, it does.

Oh, man.

It's still coming out.

Wow.

Uh-oh.

What's wrong?

Are you okay?

Yeah, I just got a husband to get home with.

And if I could meet up with you, if I could waste no more.

Oh, yeah, I wouldn't want to waste any more pee.

Of course not.

Well, when can my sister and I come over?

Probably about maybe an hour.

Okay, yeah, wow, still pee, wow.

Yeah, luckily for me, my bladder fills up really, really, really fast.

But, yeah, an hour would work.

Here, let me just talk to my sister here, my sister Cross, and I'll see.

Here, Ross, sister, why don't you talk to him, and we'll work out a time, and then we'll make our way over.

Just one second, I'll put her on the phone.

Okay.

Hello?

Hi.

Hey, how are you?

Good.

Is this what you want?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I'll be home in about an hour.

Yeah.

More.

Yeah.

Yeah, more.

water yo yeah yeah oh yeah i'm washing my hands yeah yeah you like washing hands yeah yeah yeah

wash your hands wash your hands it's hot yeah okay i'm gonna be home in an hour okay all right

i'll talk to you then okay pay on each other what the fuck was that oh my god damn whoa what a

weirdo hey yeah that's a real thing carlito i played the wrong one i played the one with the

farting on accident i was like i was trying to play the tabachi one it sounds a little more real

the second one i did that's tabachi really peeing well i don't think he cared i think he was down

either way yeah that was funny what a weirdo he got so excited he was like oh yeah oh god he said

oh god the first time uh-oh and your piss is massive uh it's a lot of i just wanted to keep

You've been playing and playing.

I'll be a log.

Poor guy.

He's going to get home and have no pee.

All right.

This is Scott.

Scott.

If I'm still on in an hour, we're going to call him back.

I doubt it, though.

Here's Scott, who plays the synthesizer and the keyboard.

Same thing?

I think so.

Let's do it.

What's up?

Llama, what'd you like?

You forgot about Mr. Paul.

Paul.

Is there a Paul I miss?

Oh, you're Paul.

That's right.

Dwight's going to fuck with this guy.

He's an asshole.

If you knew the shit that this motherfucker's done

Bad things?

Yeah, he touched me inappropriately

Several times

I'm pretty sure that he fights animals as well

Morgan, he hates hairless cats

Yeah, he's a real asshole

So it's just the number by itself you posted here, right?

Yeah, and then Dwight has the info

I think, hopefully

If he's here still

If he's not, then I'll talk to him

Fuck you, Paul

Evening, looking for Paul Scheffman

You're close on the name, who's calling?

This is Dwight, Rolling Stone Magazine

magazine and uh i was told to get in contact with you uh as a possibility is sitting down

with mr rickles for a uh interview that we're doing in the magazine why excuse me i've been

trying to say your name 10 times and you're talking what's the name of the magazine rolling

stones magazine thank you okay now and what is it that you're asking me now we were hoping to sit

down with mr rickles uh for an interview what regarding what well it's a interview regarding

regarding what his thoughts are on the Caitlyn Jenner transformation,

as well as his opinion on today's rock and roll.

He doesn't get involved in those kind of conversations.

Listen, motherfucker, I want to talk to him.

Well, that's nice.

Yeah, that is nice.

Now, are we going to sit down and talk to him?

I mean, is money what we're talking about here?

No, I don't think so.

Listen, what are you, fucking him or something?

You got problems trying to keep him to himself?

No, but apparently you do.

What?

You have big problems.

What problems do I have?

Well, first of all, you're not with Rolling Stone, so let's talk about it.

I am, actually.

Really?

Yes.

I'm the sports coordinator.

Okay, fine.

Why don't you send me an email making the request?

Well, I'm making the request now on the phone.

Well, Dwight, this is a Sunday night at 9 o'clock or 10 o'clock, whatever time it is.

Yeah, this is the busiest day of the week for us.

This is when we get all the requests.

We've got to get to requests.

We've got to do stories.

So far you've called me a racial epithet, you've called me a motherfucker, and you call yourself a journalist.

No, sir, I don't use that language.

Well, you just did.

Sir, sir, come on.

You just did.

Come on.

No, I'm not coming on. You're full of it.

What? See, now who's using the language, sir?

Excuse me, I said you were full of it. I didn't call you an epithet.

No, no, I clearly heard you said I was full of shit.

No, that's not what I said, Dwight. So if you clearly heard me, you need an ear check.

Okay, well, Don is going to be upset because I have tapes I wanted to ask him about where he was making sexual remarks.

Assuming you even have any validity.

I have a tape.

He was making sexual remarks to 14-year-old boys.

Say that again?

Yeah, I have a tape, an audio tape, that was Mr. Rickles two years ago making sexual remarks to 14-year-old boys.

I don't think he did.

But anyway, continuing.

He asked if they wanted a mustache ride.

Continuing.

No, he doesn't talk like that.

continuing anyway what i was going to say to you is he's not interested in getting involved in any

conversations he doesn't get involved those kind of issues why not what he does it's a simple

innocent little interview and you're turning this into uh a goddamn witch hunt or something

you've got to be kidding me with the language you've used the way you've approached this

well sir i feel accosted by you well then that's the way it goes i physically feel like you've

have just raped me over the phone well you have problems then there's i mean there's no doubt in

that but i mean all i was asking was for a simple interview we're talking 15 20 minutes over the

phone but no no you gotta you gotta be an asshole no i said he's right off the bat i told you he's

not interested in doing that type of interview and then you progressed from there no i don't

think it happened well then you also have memory problems too listen i'm an important person over

I don't need to have this happening to me.

Every time I try to call people,

D-list people and try to give them

interview opportunities to be in the news,

to be somebody again,

and then agents, they're like,

money, money, I want money, money.

I never asked for money.

You suggested it, and I said that's got nothing to do with it.

Yeah, money, money, that's all it ever is.

Well, apparently.

I offer five grand, you want 20.

That's how it always goes.

You didn't offer anything, and it doesn't matter

because it wouldn't be taken.

whatever. Listen, I gotta go.

It's a Sunday night, and I hope you're having fun

with this, but... Can I talk to Kevin

Nielsen, then, maybe?

I'm sorry? I couldn't hear you?

Can I talk to Mr. Kevin Nielsen, maybe?

Well, that's not his name, either, but

you were close on that. So, so far, you've been close

on my name, close on his name.

He happens to be on vacation

out of the country. Oh, yeah? Where's he

vacationing at? I'll put it in the magazine.

I don't think that's your business.

Where's he vacationing at? Does he have a hooker with him?

How big's his dick? Inquiring

Firing minds want to know.

Man, you've got some big problems.

Okay, listen, you got me.

I work for the National Enquirer.

And if I don't get a story, I'm going to get fired.

Well, that's good.

Anyway, like I said, either this is a joke or you think it's a joke.

And either way...

It's not a joke.

I took my job serious.

Well, you just went from working for the Rolling Stones, as you called it.

Who wants to talk to the National Enquirer?

Come on.

There's a guy who knows me very well at the Enquirer.

and he knows that if there's a legitimate request, I'll deal with it.

Like he knows you biblically or what?

I'm sorry?

Biblically? Is that how he knows you, biblically?

Man, you've got a problem.

No, sir, hang on. I've got to use the bathroom.

Well, take care.

No, hang on. We can continue the conversation.

Sorry, I'm like fucking looking over.

Dude, don't be sorry. He's an asshole.

I can't say my friend's name, but he pissed off some very, very good friends of mine

and he's just in general a goddamn asshole

so fuck him thank you for doing that buddy

I appreciate it

you seem like an asshole

who cares

but thanks for doing that

everything's gonna be alright

sorry Corlito

I don't care I don't give a fuck

he's an asshole

hotel Waikiki

I don't want to call no more Waikiki

we got a big list of phone numbers anyway

already

so what do we leave off

Scott, I was going to call him next, that's right

He plays the synthesizer and the keyboard

If anyone wants it, yell, if not, I will take it

I'll do it

I know nothing about it, but we'll figure it out

Look up Rastaman Chan

Oh yeah, but I have to

Rastaman Chan

I got that one, but Natural Mystic is next

And that was requested by

Okay, I was going to ask you to do that one too

Thank you, that'll work

Hello, Scott

Scott is on a business trip right now

Oh, yeah? What's he doing? Is he out fucking another girl?

Is he out fucking another girl, you think?

Oh, shit. Someone's got really bad background noise here.

That's me.

Yeah, is he out fucking another girl, you think?

Alright, I'll call a sofa.

I'll say, hey, I talked to your wife.

She sounds hot. Is she alone? Is she alone right now?

That's not creepy at all.

You have reached Massive Music at 310-582-5900.

I don't want to call that guy back. I'm sorry.

Samantha Fuckworth

No, Duckworth

Plays the bassoon in the Contra

That's the game, everybody

Quack, quack, quack, Mr. Ducksworth

And her, this is a cell phone

And it's through Verizon Wireless

Can't believe I got that guy

To get into an argument with his wife

Of course I'm not putting the phone

In the microwave

Yeah, you were going to, dumbass

Oh, he was

He altered what was supposed to happen

Hello, Samantha

Samantha, yeah, do you have your bassoon with you?

Yeah.

Oh, because I wanted you to play it.

Yes.

Oh, this is Alex.

I wanted her to shove it up your pussy and play it out of your pussy.

Oh, my God.

How gross, right?

That's hot.

Yeah.

Um.

Oh, I just crashed my golf cart.

Golf cart races are fun in that game.

Oh, it is?

But the asshole turned off, uh, he turned on no contact, so I can't fucking wipe him out.

Oh.

He's done his, like, last five races that we've played.

and you turn no contact on

because I've been

spinning everyone out

right at the beginning.

What a pussy.

Yeah,

because I spin them

the fuck out

that I win.

Art,

it's a good song.

You can fuck this music.

Yeah,

but I got to get going.

It's late.

I'll see you guys later.

Everyone but Milkman,

thanks for joining.

Bye-bye.

See you later, Morgan.

Goodbye, Nashby.

Goodbye, Lommer.

See you, buddy.

Thanks for having me on.

Goodbye, Dwight.

Cox.

Hey, Milkman.

What's going on, bro?

Get yourself off

It is the end of the show

The tradition is that you end the show

So end it

I'm just changing my headphones

Alright you go do that

Thanks everyone who joined us

Also Jen who was on earlier

Jen Stewart that was awesome

Alright can you hear me now

Yes sir I do

Wow dude what a mega show dude

This is like a very very good show man

I'm very impressed man

man. Dude, I want to thank

everybody, man, for stopping in. Dude, we had

a ton of guests, man, that stopped in.

Especially Jen Stewart, surprise out of the

blue, just like nowhere, lightning striking.

We got the Olympic archer right here

in the house tonight, man. What do you think of that?

That's what I'm talking about, baby.

Sorry, we do this every week.

The most interactive show you can find right here

on the internet. That's right. All our friends

over there, 98.6

the mouth, man, come in and join us

because we just dropped a dime.

We just ask you to just give us a time, bring a friend

And better yet, bring an enemy because they're going to be welcome right here in the madhouse.

And we can't do it without our fearless leader, the Generalissimo for the madhouse.

Hermanito, saving lives one call at a time, my brother.

Thank you again for Dynamite Show and everybody that stopped by, man.

Thank you, Milkman, for that great outro.

And thank you for being here with me.

I want to thank everyone who's helped out Prank Call Nation, our Patreon fans, everyone.

be sure to go to patreon.com slash prank call nation we had an increase in a donation by

someone today that was very good thank you very much for the donation increase we got during the

show uh prank call nation.com subscribe to the podcast check out everything on the heart

thank you and my personal site madhouse live.com where you can subscribe to my madhouse podcast

and stuff like that things of this nature all right milkman we'll be back here we'll do it

again next week next sunday same time eight o'clock eastern 5 p.m pacific yeah all right man i'll see

you milkman thanks that's right baby we'll be right here i guess i love you man you take care

all right big guy all right

Calls (51, 2 h 28 min of 3 h 58 min)

Transcript

Comments 0