Madhouse 10 Year Anniversary Part 3 of 4

Man, I think all you guys are great artists, man, on the cutting edge of an evolving art form of prank radio calls.

Man, I don't understand why there ain't millions of people listening to you guys.

Man, believe me, dude.

It's like, you know, and I don't listen to Howard Stern's show.

I don't have no serious radio and shit, you know.

But I listen to, you know, I listen to you guys because, man, you guys is like pushing fucking people's buttons, man.

man. I'm telling you, I like that shit. Hello? Hello? Yes? Who am I speaking to, please?

This is Joel. Joel? Is this a bail bonds? Yes. And you're in Missoula? Yes. Hey, Joel,

let's say I was a cop. Hello, Joel? Yeah. Is this a bail bonds? Yes. Okay, Joel, let's

say that I went on a road trip and I came to Missoula and I robbed all the banks in

town. How much would a bail bond cost me? Uh, that I don't know. I'd have to wait until you

got caught and thrown in jail. Really? Yeah. What if I came to Missoula and I, uh, decided that I

would, uh, open up a, uh, heroin distribution and refining factory and the police arrested me?

How much would my bail bond be? Uh, I don't know. You don't know? You don't, you mean you, you

You can't, you don't, you cannot tell me?

Uh, not really.

Hey, well, have you, uh, consulted with your local chief of police there in Missoula?

Haven't you guys figured out how, what, what, how much a bag man gets, how much a judge gets,

how much the DA gets, and how much, uh, the police chief gets, and, uh...

Oh, Joel?

Joel.

Where's Joel?

Hey, Joel.

Goddamn Joel, he hung up.

Fuck Joel, yeah.

Yeah, see, they ain't even got their fucking corruption together there in Muzu.

No, I need some B-mothers if they want to step in the world.

Now, let me sing the Star Spangled Banner before I go.

And remember when the black folk used to pick?

Now, aren't you black guys picking down your sister's daughters underpants?

Yeah, that's only cotton they like to pick.

Yeah, white girls are cotton underpants.

Cotton underpants, right on, man.

Okay, he just hung up

Crazy fucker

Crazy fucker is in some mood tonight, everybody

Yeah, I bought a case of wine

Yeah, and it comes in really beautiful bottles

And it's got corks in it

It's all fancy

It's like, you know, dark green bottles with a cork

It looks like, you know, Rothschild 19

Whatever, you know, the gourmet

That's a fucking

It comes in a bottle

But it's cheap-ass wine

It's got either too much tannin in it or whatever

So the wineries, they ship it, and they sell it at the Dollar Tree.

Anyway, but you take a quart jar, and you put like 10% wine in it.

You put 10% grape juice and fill it up with 80% ice-cold water.

And, man, you've got one hell of a wine cooler.

Oh, yes.

Is that what you're drinking tonight?

Yeah, that's what I'm drinking.

You get your alcohol from the Dollar Tree store?

Yeah, I do, man.

Because of my political beliefs, I'm not on the high end of the economic bracket.

I was an anti-war dude, and the guys that turned me around were these greatest Americans

in the whole Vietnam era called the Vietnam Veterans Against the War.

These guys were Army dudes that were still in the Army, fighting the Army,

and they opened up a coffee house and was counseling young dudes

not to get involved in that bullshit like they got going over in the Middle East

to make money for the corporations.

That's what I'm saying, man.

Fuck the corporations.

Yeah, motherfucking, that's what's propping up the middle class right now in this country

is the motherfuckers going, they make munitions, you know.

They don't make TVs no more or radios.

They got their slaves in China doing it, but they sure are good at making bombs.

Yeah, I hate fucking rap.

I got to tell you, dude.

You know when those motherfuckers that sing that rap, they're like fucking blowfish, dude.

You know what a blowfish is?

Yeah, I've seen them.

When a blowfish feels, it's a little pathetic fucking fish, but when it feels threatened, it blows itself up.

Now, these goddamn, hey, these motherfuckers that are in gangs and shit, you know what?

Because those motherfuckers, they're like the little blowfish.

Yeah.

I'd like to share a song I wrote with you.

Oh, good.

Okay, good.

If you like rap, then you ought to sit on my lap when I get ready to take a crap.

Because every time I sit on the crap, my butthole turns into a rapper.

If you think black is beautiful, well, I just shit me a Rembrandt.

You shit me a Rembrandt?

If you eat when you're hungry and you can drink when you're dry,

And if the bad times don't kill you

Then you're gonna live till you die

Hang on, brother, man

Thank you for your rap

All right, dude

All right, brother

Keep singing, son

Let's say goodbye

Crazy motherfucker

Yeah, we can't do shit without talking to him

They called it terrorist threats, dude

Well, I'll tell you

Now I'm afraid to do this

Hey, I used to fucking own land, dude

I used to own fucking land here in the Golden State, dude

Yeah?

They took my fucking land away from me

They took everything I had, dude

Everything, man

Man, I went down for a lot of years, too, dude.

Yeah?

I went down one stretch, and before that, I was in my 40s,

and I never even had a fucking parking ticket.

And they fucking dicked you over like that?

Yeah, they dicked me over, dude.

That's a bunch of shit, man.

See, here's what happens.

They call them counties and states and shit, but actually they're fiefdoms.

We live under the feudal system like in Europe in the fucking 11th century,

In Europe, they had the nobles and the serfs, right?

Well, if you're a fucking serf like me or a peasant, you can't fuck with the nobles.

They're the ones that own the castles and the dungeons and the fucking everything else.

All the land.

Yeah, they got motherfuckers right now over there killing women and psychopathic American motherfucking little pimply-faced bastards

who five years ago was killing people on their video games.

are now over there fucking killing women and children in motherfucking the Middle East.

And then when the people fight back and oppose them, they call them fucking terrorists.

Okay.

But if you piss people off too bad, they'll frame your ass and put you in prison, man.

They'll put you in prison.

Man, the police and the fucking lawyers, they all work together, man.

Whatever you do, let me, can I say one thing that might help somebody out there?

Sure.

If you are ever arrested and charged with a crime, remember this.

That when the shit is coming down in the courtroom and the DA is talking shit about you,

if you fail to object on the record, then under the law, then that establishes evidence against you.

in america for colors some of our faces try not to look like the others but you please

south then you'll not get in the big squeeze piece of shit minus 50 seconds the vehicle now

pressurized and the vehicle is go as is the spacecraft at this time coming up on the 40

second mark t minus 40 seconds and counting t minus 40 all reports look good from here in the

blockhouse at this time all aspects of the mission go t-minus 30 seconds and counting

we'll get ignition of those eight engines in the first stage at the three second mark in the

countdown uh t-minus 21 car transfer of the saturn one v1 it's now worth 1.3 million pounds ready to

go coming up on the 10 seconds nine eight seven seven six five three two we have ignition that

There ain't nothing free, cause there's no guarantees, you know?

You're on your own.

All the jungle.

Bitches leave.

Copy.

Buddy boy.

I guess you're on your knees about now.

You feel so cocky now, do you?

Whatever he's paying you, I'll double it right now.

You know what the tragedy is here, Bob?

I wouldn't go through proper channels.

You went over my head.

But life goes on.

It's an old story, the fight for love and glory, huh, Bob?

Helps if it has a game, Bob.

Every game has a winner and a loser.

Welcome to the third of four epic segments of a Madhouse Radio 10-year anniversary special.

I am Carlito, the host of Madhouse Radio and the host of these special episodes today.

We are past the halfway point, of course.

This is the time reserved for our PCU reunion.

We should be starting that in about 10, about 20, 10, 20 minutes or so.

I'll be waiting for confirmation from Big Zolar and from KDK.

They both will be joining us here shortly.

And we're going to have fun doing some prank calls with them.

Remembering the old times.

I want to talk about the whole Siobhan thing.

And I want to see what KDK's up to.

See if he's thinking about coming back ever to prank calls.

Or if he's done.

His site's still up. That's good.

He still has probably the most popular prank call website that isn't related to some kind of app.

you know actual prank call personalities i think his site is still up there it's one of the top

ones it's been named in several best prank call website lists that i've seen i never got mentioned

brad's site gets mentioned katie k's site gets mentioned no one talks about carlito none of you

do your jobs spreading the word spreading the good word uh so yes i'm looking forward to the

pc reunion we also still have a few of these uh best of moments to play let's see actually

we didn't play we didn't play yellow next tells yet but i still have an hour and eight minutes

worth of uh little best of things to get to and tonight i can go later than midnight if we're on

a roll i'll keep going if i can stay up you know or someone can take over as an after show kind of

thing but i got plenty of pranks from the pcn era to play later on hello thank you for calling

The International Vegetarian Cuisine.

We're open for lunch and dinner six days a week from Tuesdays through Sundays.

I was trying to call Milkman.

We're open for lunch from...

Look, lady, I don't know what you're talking about.

All right, give me back over here to Milkman.

Let me try to call Milkman instead.

Anyway, so if you're not in there already, Tiny Chat is active.

Tinychat.com slash prankcallnation.

That's where you can join me over on the video spectrum.

and watch me do my thing.

I haven't heard from Andy yet.

Former co-host of the show said he was going to join us around this time.

But I haven't heard from him.

I'm reaching out to him now on Facebook Messenger

just to make sure to see if he's got time to join.

Now might be the chance.

We've got a little bit of lull in the action.

Scene of Exhibit A intro.

That's what we used to call it.

Here we go into Peach Fuzz.

One of those MF Doom songs.

I still played this until just about a year, a year and a half ago.

i just started not getting this song um still on the repertoire there you are there you is what's

up man i was wondering thank you is there you is motherfucker i appreciate it man i may see

fcfc man i listened to it on the rewind man thanks for putting me back in i lost signal

there for a minute yeah you need that you need to do that man huh yeah you know you know i'm a

big fantasy ffc that you know i wanted him badly good though man i heard some of the i heard some

of the do you like crazy fucker you're a big crazy yeah styling you love his style

his d-low and all that um yeah his comedic styling he's got the crazy fuck yeah listen

we're getting uh kevin on facebook it just stole the words out of my mouth i was getting ready to

to introduce this and i'm looking at 19 minutes ago he put he gave us a he uh posted on my facebook

wall about the depot diner you remember the depot diner was this diner uh that's it's connected

to an old train station an old train depot um name sounds familiar dude yeah the building itself

i believe is designated like a united states historical building um they used to have a

webcam in there it's one of the first webcam pranks that i did um they had a webcam in there

and we could call and prank whoever was in there and there was this kind of slow kind of guy

named ernie not ernie from the thanksgiving shows from guam this is ernie he was like

and i will we will call me and hollywood will call him hollywood vanya would call him and mess

with them uh this is from the first time i called this guy i called the diner and i didn't know

know ernie's name and i say hey yeah put you on the phone i was wanting him to say hey you

but i said hey put that guy on the phone got him on the phone and i talked some weird nonsense with

him and then i got him to throw the uh cordless phone into the trash can while while he was on

cam and i was watching i took stills of it and everything um i don't know what happened to those

screenshots but yeah it was really funny i got him to actually throw away a cordless phone into

to a trash can so let's listen to that this is the depot diner call uh and uh yeah that's awesome

congratulations kevin for stealing not stealing an idea but you you read my mind shit damn it that

was honest to god that was next on the list can you um will you slip my prick a little bit when

you get home is that okay your machine yeah yeah you're a little day right right okay so you can

come in and we'll use the machine together you know oh okay but i'm you want the mouth or you

You want honey?

Which one?

You know, what part?

The mouth.

The mouth?

Yeah, the mouth.

Okay, so you take the mouth.

I'm going to take the ass, okay?

Okay.

But don't tell anybody, all right?

Because remember, last time I almost got caught.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Do you want to do it?

Do you want to?

I don't know.

You're bored?

Yeah, I'm bored.

I'm bored.

Oh, okay.

Do you want me to go into your apartment so I can go play the games or eat out?

Yeah.

Yeah, we'll eat out.

I'll eat you out.

do you want me to eat your ass out okay that's fine what will you do it back or um i'll wash

i'll wash it i might wash it with peroxide betadine i'll put you know the black the brown

stuff the betadine oh that's clean it's clean it's good clean stuff you know it cleans it out

right yeah yeah i have it on a hose and i squirt it in my ass the betadine it goes in my ass

and it comes out brown like brown like a brown milk out of my ass milk it comes out

If you want, I'll do it on top of you.

I'll sanitize my ass with a betadine, like, on top of you.

Oh, the game?

Yeah, that's the one.

Oh, okay.

Would you be into that?

Would that be something maybe we could do?

Well, what happened to Carrie?

Carrie's not talking to you?

Carrie, she found out about what happened with me,

and then ever since then she didn't want to be with me anymore.

She walked in on me with another, you know,

there was another guy we were using the machine together.

you know and yeah it was bad so now all i have is a machine and me but i wanted you know i thought

maybe you want to share the machine with me yeah all right cool so when you want you want to come

right now okay i will okay will you bring me some um will you order me a hamburger okay can you tell

him now before you go because i want to tell him you get him over tell him you need to order a

hamburger for me yeah i'm gonna pay you well tell the man that you're gonna order something to eat

Oh, and the phone?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

All right, thanks.

Hello?

Hey, it's okay.

Go ahead and put the phone, go ahead and just throw it in the sink over there, okay?

Throw the thing out?

Yeah, throw the phone, just throw it over there in the sink if you could, okay?

Please?

This is a train depot.

Yeah, I know, I know, but he said to put the phone, he's going to wash the phone, so just put it in the sink.

No, he's watching the computer right now, so, you know, so...

Can you, do you see the trash can over there?

Do you see the trash can over there?

Trash can?

Yeah.

What's the, Spomogast can?

Yeah, do you see it there?

Yeah.

Can you go ahead and put the phone inside that, please?

Yeah, do you see it there?

All right, thank you.

Yeah.

Can you go ahead and put the phone inside that, please?

Oh, okay.

All right, go ahead and just put it there, and don't turn it off.

Just put it inside there, okay?

Okay, okay.

All right, thank you.

There you go.

He puts the phone into the garbage can.

Isn't that silly?

Silly!

I love that prank call.

What a great early example of the use of cams and live Internet cams to do pranks.

Yeah, we called that guy a few more times.

Hollywood Vanya called back once, and Ernie wasn't there.

That guy, Ernie, wasn't there in Hollywood, was like, oh, let's do a prayer, and did a live prayer on the phone and all this shit.

Man, we used to have a lot of fun with the Depot Diner, but sadly, Ernie doesn't go there anymore, and they've gotten rid of their webcam, Milkman.

So what you gonna do?

What you gonna do, brother?

Right?

Yeah.

We're at the top of the hour now, 7 o'clock.

We're gonna see if we can get KDK and Zolar on here pretty soon.

Let me take a look over at Skype, see if either of them are signed in.

Let me look up Mr. Rosenthal first.

Jill is KDK.

Looks like he's on.

Let's check Zolar.

Zolar is not on, but we'll add KDK first.

Let's get KDK on.

Rosenthal.

I have to type Rosenthal.

This is Jill Rosenthal.

Hope he's ready.

Shocking him.

I can't give him a heads up like I've been with the other folks because we got behind schedule here.

I think Zolar told me to call.

I can also call him on the phone to give him a heads up.

Say, hey.

I should have given KDK a heads up before I just started dialing him, too.

My bad.

Whoops.

Give me that a bit.

Let's start.

I can also call him.

KDK.

Hey.

He's getting, I think he's getting headphones and mics on.

KDK, just holler when you're ready, man.

I'm sorry.

I should have given you a heads up first, man.

Very unprofessional of me.

And I'm working on getting Zolar here.

KDK is the major reason why we ended up getting a show in the first place.

as we explained before there was a an expansion of prank call underground radio pc radio he made

the casting call and me and zolar both uh answered it and got on and the rest was history but we uh

owe a lot to the man the man that missed the legend the internet prank call legend kdk are

you here yet do i have you kdk keep working on that i'm gonna call you back i'm sorry that's

my phone calling zolar now on the speaker zolar hey man uh you're on my cell phone can i skype

you in or should i call your cell phone uh this is fine this is fine but if if i do that i won't

be able to do any prank calls with you on the line is the problem my skype on give me three

minutes you got it man all right thanks bye good that way we can do pranks all right cool um all

All right, and KDK had also told me that he may need me to call him instead.

My bad, I should have messaged him.

Hang on, let me do that now.

Actually, let me play Yellow Nextels.

I was talking about this earlier so we can move on with this era of prank calls on Madhouse Radio.

Yellow Nextels is, like I said, those yellow working Nextels.

I just had a really good time with this prank call.

and it was mentioned a few times when I asked for people to send me examples

of some of their favorite pranks for the last 10 years.

So let's play this real quick.

I'll be right back, hopefully with some guests.

Thank you.

Listen, enough with the Morse code over there, all right?

Appreciate it.

Enough with the Morse code on the shortwave radio

from your boys out in the field messing up my radio, all right?

I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't have any radios.

Well, your boys are tapping into my radios when we're on our jobs

and my boys on the yellow next tails are on the jobs and they keep conversations and talking

and we trace down his constructions where where are you out of you tell your boys the coolest

sir what's your name you shove it up your ass i'll meet you anywhere i don't have anybody

working right now they're all laid off you son of a how dare you talk to me i'll slap

right in the face in front of your wife and show them around with real man fights

i think he's a real man he's talking about putting in your ass yeah it's true he's saying

hear that what

did he say he'd do if i met him in

person who's going to put his fingers in my ass

say what what did he say he was going to do if i met him in person that he

was going to put his say he was going to do

he said that he was going to put his feet calling

calling the instruction over there that's been in construction there is no instruction tapping

into my radios my yellow neck so tapping into your radios some people from instructions who are you

this is valentine with valentine associates well i don't give a shit who you are you don't call

people and threaten them when they don't even know what the heck you're talking about i didn't

threaten i asked them to stop tapping into my radios and he is mr he threatened me he's gonna

gonna put fingers on my ass or something you're sorry fucking ass if you don't shut the fuck here

got the i don't talk to the secretary put the man on the fucking secretary buddy i don't know

what the fuck do you want put a man on the phone is what i want how's it you stupid to women my

wife doesn't allow it mess everything up are you the one tapping into my radio oh women mess

everything up you you want my what you're gonna hurt me you're threatening me i got i'm running

it down you can't deal with the woman because you're afraid she might beat you up no i don't

i don't handle with women i don't talk to women i don't are you even i don't listen i don't really

usually talk to women unless i'm gonna stupid i don't talk to women unless we're gonna fornicate

hey yes my phone number again okay got the picture well i'm i'm reporting you i'm writing

you up what's your name you you report me okay do you have your papers why don't you go get out

get out of this country go back home to your real country foreigners taking our jobs listen

wait i'm doing star 69 this is jack i don't have anybody working are they jacking with

your phones right now i'm sorry i hope they do a good job of it buddy this is jack who is this

stupid yeah and again i'm carlito here hosting do i have kdk is a kdk here

kdk what's up man all right we got you how you been bro fabulous it's good to hear from you man

And I'm glad you can make it.

Awesome.

Hey, I wanted to ask you some questions.

Is that the real KDK?

Hello, KDK.

Good afternoon and welcome.

And so glad to have you back aboard, brother.

You're coming in and out a little bit, KDK.

I wanted to ask you now.

You started with PC Radio, but your show was first, right?

Just KDK prank calls, and it was the initials of you and your friends, right?

Your two friends?

Is that how it started, officially?

Um, KDK stands for East Day of Heaven.

Okay.

Out of, um, we would have drunken orgies over here, and Kevin's mama would call up.

And Kevin was 15 years old, but she was very controlling, so she would call up, and I don't know why he ever gave her my phone number, but she would call.

It's bad about it now, but she was deathly ill, bedridden, died a few years later.

so she would call up and she had the raspy voice that eventually became the jill rosenthal voice

character that i've been doing for 13 whatever years now yeah yeah and uh i would talk to her

like mimicking her own voice i would point where we would record them and then i started a website

to put the calls up and then i started a show where i would you know take people's names numbers

Numbers and Ideas for Prank Calls, a service that is now defunct and has been for many years called Auturnacast.

After that, I went to Live365, and then I hooked up with Ted Webb, and then I convinced Ted Webb to turn it into PCU.

And that's when I went out, and I started recruiting other talent, and I did a wonderful thing.

You did, yeah.

You bought some stuff with KDK, and we're still going to hear.

I don't know if you follow, but I started Prank Call Nation two years ago, and that really wouldn't have happened had it not been for you.

You and Ted pioneered this idea of, you know, a prank call network, online radio network, you know, where it's not even just one person doing a call.

You had calls on shows on a weekly basis.

On a daily basis.

Yeah, on a daily basis.

Yeah, because it was Lego, me, you, Zolar, Reclude, Sean Ward.

You did two calls a week.

Ted would do shows.

Monkey Phone.

Monkey Phone, that's right.

Right, you know, yeah.

I reached out to Mark.

It was Mark and Matt, I think, right?

I reached out to him, didn't hear back.

I think he just got old and he got married, I think, probably or something.

He got more interested in girls and prank calls.

That kid was funny, though.

Scary, funny.

He might have grew a little fuzz on me.

We did try to find him.

Old men are still fucking around on the phone.

Yeah, they'll come back.

Don't worry.

They're probably some person that mom grounded their ass the last time.

We can't pick up no fight.

Now, when I was remembering, before I started doing shows and when I used to listen to PCU and listen to you, I couldn't forget Pindar.

Is that dude, Mr. Muon Generator Inventor himself, Pindar?

Have you heard about that kid?

Am I presuming he finally died of whatever cancer he had?

I remember, I think he had some kind of lung cancer or something because he did say something about needing like an inhaler and they had to pump his blood every week.

I don't know if you ever listened to that

but I did an interview with him

and he talked about

having to go get blood pumped out

so maybe it's like his kidneys were failing

sounds like he was having dialysis

it sounds like, yeah, he had dialysis

he didn't want to elaborate

he just wanted to be on a rain fight like old people do

yeah, true, but he was a real

big conspiracy guy, said he worked for NASA

and got cancer from the Mulan generator

and that it was

it was into something where it was like

it sealed a lot of electrical power

could change the world, could change humanity, but is being kept down.

Oh my goodness.

KBK, I got a message for you.

Oh. Uh-oh.

This is a good message.

I had to tell you hello when we were young old friend of the show from the day

and Ryan were thinking about it and told me to tell you hello and hello to you.

I saw Raw Milk in the chat room. Yeah, Raw Milk was one of those old-time callers.

Brian Raw Milk, yeah, her and Allie, they got together and they wanted to tell you hello, bro.

I still love you, even though you hate me.

I still love you.

Oh, I love you.

Dude, all that stuff from before, dude, man.

You know what?

You're the real thing, bro.

You always will be.

And now I'm all behind the world.

Talk to some people.

Yeah, let's do that.

Hang on, let me get Zolar.

Zolar's calling back.

I think Zolar's having Skype trouble.

Let's find out.

Yo, Zolar.

Oh, hang on.

Let me stop my music.

It's my fault.

I got horny sound.

Zolar underscore what?

Either Zolar Vision or Zolar underscore Vision.

Okay.

All right.

we're on now

KDK's just talking

and we're getting ready

to do some pranks

alright let me get you

I'm gonna get you

give me a second

alright

he said Zola Revision

or Zola underscore Revision

that's how he had him on

anyway

now

at what point

did

and I'm trying to remember

this exactly

me and Milkman

were trying to remember

at what point

was that weird

Muslim guy

showing up

and starting to rebel

that's what his name was

right

I couldn't remember

earlier today

That's Rebel.

Where did he even come from?

He just showed up and just wanted to do...

That's Rebel 204 or some shit.

I could not remember.

Oh, my God, that's it.

Rebel.

Yeah.

He was a caller into the program,

and I would do prank calls with him,

and he befriended Ted Webb,

and they decided to go off

and form something called P-Unit.

That was...

Poop Unit, we'd call it.

Remember, we'd call it Poop Unit all the time.

Yes, that's right.

I forgot.

Yeah.

I don't know if you'll remember then, but now I'm bringing everybody into the picture.

We had different shows every night.

Except for Sean Ward on Sunday, everybody started at 10 o'clock.

So it was really easy for people to know when to tune in.

And the numbers were going up.

It was doing really good.

And then I wasn't listening, and I didn't hear it, so I can't vouch for it.

But Ellie complained that Solar had done a prank where he called up a woman who was alone with her daughter.

And he, according to her, I don't know because I didn't hear it myself.

According to her, he said, I'm coming over and I'm going to rape your daughter.

And so Ellie complained to Ted and Ted complained to me.

And he says, I want Zolark gone because that's not funny.

And I said, no, that's not going to happen.

He says, well, then I'm going to go do my own thing.

And then I went off and I continued PCU on my own.

And he started something called P-Unit.

You remember that?

It was just like a really bad forum site, basically.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, Benny.

Benny?

Thank you, man.

We dubbed it, of course, Poopwood, and Ted and I were like, sort of like, we never really

hated each other, but we sort of like made fun of each other a little bit, because it's

internet radio, it's just silly fun, but some people take it too seriously, and eventually

Ted and I did get back together, didn't we?

Yeah, we did.

I don't know, it's been many years now, and I've been highly medicated for many years.

Hang on, KDK, keep going.

Zolar, no, I see Milkman, take over.

Okay, Milkman, how have you been?

I don't know if people can even hear me right now.

So, let's talk to Zolar.

Milkman, how have you been?

Give me a second, KDK, I'm sorry.

That's the one that you probably found.

I'll be back in a second, KDK, I'm so sorry.

Give me a second.

Does everyone listen to this nice tune?

All right, Zolar's here on phone.

I'm sorry.

Go ahead, Zolar.

Body, I'm glad to be here.

And it's 10 years now?

Yeah, it's 10 years for me and it's 10 years for you.

KDK's here also.

You can't hear him, unfortunately, but he's here also.

So we're having a Skype mix-up.

I'm just going to dial you in, man.

And then, Milkman, do you mind?

We talked about this before.

Do you mind dropping for a little bit so we can do some pranks together?

Milkman's on hold.

Milkman, you hear me?

Yeah, Milkman.

All right.

I'm calling you now, Zolar.

Switch over.

All right, wait for Zolar over there.

I'll get the...

All right.

Hello?

Yeah, hey.

Hello?

Hey, is that Zolar?

You're not Zolar.

Hey, buddy.

How are you?

I'm fine.

Yeah?

Do you know Zolar?

No.

No?

No? You never heard a call, anyone calling for Glenn or for Zolar ever?

His real name.

Oh, shit.

No.

No? Really?

I don't live in this country. I live in Nigeria.

Oh, you're disgusting, people.

Are you the Nigerian prince that keeps emailing me?

Huh?

Are you the one that keeps sending emails to my friend, KDK, about money that you have?

I would. I'm 16 years old, so I'm cool for that.

Where do you live in, Liberia?

I live in Lagos. I live in Nigeria.

Oh, that's disgusting. Does it smell like shit over there? Really bad?

really bad shit all the time yeah i don't know what happened next i got you back i got i got

zolar here yeah zolar and we got kdk also good milkman stepping away i lost my music bearing

sorry about all that confusion kdk i'm sorry i'm being really unprofessional now i had a great

professional show if it wasn't all fucked up like that yeah i know right it's a gimme yeah i mean

and it's a given, rather, that it has to be like that.

All right.

There's Lego.

Lego said he couldn't make it.

He called earlier.

He said to try him.

Let me try him.

I'll try to dump him in here.

Fucking Jew bastard.

How you doing, KDK?

I'm fucking lost.

Let me tell you something.

Carlito calls me, right?

And I knew he was going to call at one point around this time,

but it just so happens that my boil in my bun cheeks,

right near the asshole

fucking was ready

for fucking popping.

Did it pop?

Did you get it?

So I was in the tub

soaking, right?

And I figured,

okay, this is it.

It's nice and soft.

I'm going to get the mirror

and I'm going to fucking

open my legs

and spread my anus open

and I'm going to get in there

with my fingers

and I put my fingers in

and sure enough

it let loose

like a volcano of disgust.

I mean, disgust.

But that's your own...

Did you smell it

at least a little bit?

You know, you smelled it

a little bit, right?

No, no, no,

because I was in the tub

and I had let the water

start to drain

so it was on its way

out down the drain,

you know what I mean?

So it flushed right out.

I'm quick like that.

I don't play games.

Oh, man, that's gross.

So was it in the inside cheek

or the outside still?

So it was on the inside,

like maybe an inch away

from the A-hole,

right in the fucking middle

aligned with it,

but on the right cheek.

Yeah, that was a perianal one.

You're lucky because KDK

had one of those ones

and you had to have it

surgered off.

It was on your coccyx bone?

Your cock bone?

I don't do butt play.

No, but you had a thing on your butt.

Remember?

You were getting sick, and you had a pain in the butt, and they had to make a surgery on it.

You had a cyst.

Not some of you forgot this.

Unless you made it up.

Okay, okay.

You made it up.

I don't know.

Now is when you ought to dial up somebody and have them pretend to play the cyst.

Okay.

Let's see.

Let's call somebody.

That's it.

All right.

Let me get some numbers here.

And later on, we're going to talk about the time you were on Howard Stern's show.

Were you intimidated by Howard Stern?

Was he, like, you know, did he, like, not care?

You got your picture with him, at least, right, with Howard?

Yeah, he's, like, really star-struck with people.

Oh, yeah? That's cool.

That was an exciting time.

We're calling on Confederate flag license plates and Georgia flags for sale.

That's perfect for Zola.

Hello?

Yeah, hey, how you doing?

I never had bunions on my anus.

Had what?

You're going around telling everybody in town that I had bunions on my anus.

But you get bunions on your feet, not on your butt.

Okay, good.

That's nice to know.

How'd you get my number?

I tracked you down.

I heard you talking shit about me.

Can you tell me if that's the right number?

I don't know how my...

I have some bunions on my feet.

I don't know how you made them travel up to my anus.

Okay.

Got ass on the mind.

Then how'd you think you got me that called you?

Hey, stop the button.

It sucks because you're a redneck.

Okay.

Now, how'd you think that you got my number that called you?

I bet you got a track phone.

Uh-huh.

I'm just kind of curious, just in case you actually thought I called you.

And you're already implicating yourself.

How would you know if you hadn't seen them?

Are you there?

This phone sucks, dude.

I'm in bed.

Fuck that guy.

Yeah, I'm here.

Can you hear me?

Yeah, you're there.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I meant the guy we were calling.

This shit sucks.

His phone sucked.

That redneck guy.

That's all right.

Give me an idea of who you're going to call next, and I'll try to head one up.

Because, you know, I'm anxious to make a prank on your anniversary fucking call.

Of course.

It's awesome.

Of course, Zola, what's your status now?

You retired your show, or you're still doing shows?

No, I haven't done it since, actually, November.

So, 2014, November, retired.

Okay, I got you, I got you.

All right, well, hey, whatever, man, it's all good.

It's all good.

You were doing some work for, you were doing some work for Battlecam.

I got jaded.

If you want to know what the story was, is I got jaded.

I was working with Alki over at Battlecam.

He was giving me some money to do the shows.

And then when the money dried up, you know, it was like, oh, my God, why would I do a show for free?

You know what I mean?

I've been getting paid.

In reality, I should have just been glad for the little bit of money I got and kept going.

But I didn't feel like doing pranks anymore.

I was burning out on Battlecam.

I was literally doing, like, again, 10-hour shows and stupid, crazy shit and all that.

And the traffic for that site is very, very small.

all so uh you know i wasn't getting the adulation and the uh the momentum that i was hoping for for

my show all my time going to the show you understand yeah and alky lost some pretty

significant uh court cases there regarding his streaming stuff that he was trying to do with uh

uh film on so i think that i think maybe he got kind of get out of it i guess is that the

i don't know you know what i didn't really follow any of his exploits i thought they were more like

Like, you know, to keep him in the, you know, the news or to keep him relevant and stuff like that.

You know, to keep film on, name being mentioned.

So you get yourself in a couple of lawsuits, you fuck around with CBS and stuff.

But I don't know that for a fact.

Yeah.

Well, no problem.

Because he's got, a billionaire's got to lose a certain amount of money a year and claim it as a loss on his income taxes.

Yeah, there's a bunch of loopholes like that.

Yeah, you know.

Hey, I got a Confederate wood flag for sale, like a Confederate flag, but it's a man.

All right, let me handle that one.

Yep.

Hang on, hang on.

Sorry.

Whenever I connect someone or disconnect someone, there's a little bounce in the line for you.

I'm sorry.

I should have explained that.

I'm sorry.

The person you are trying to reach has a voicemail box that has not been set up yet.

Yeah, whatever.

We got Dagger Medieval Kayak.

I don't want a kayak.

Call me.

No, you're here.

I just want to say I'm sorry to Milkman that he had to get off the line in order for me to use the line.

Yeah, I'm not sure.

I appreciate that.

I'm not sure what's going on with Skype.

It's weird.

I couldn't find you on there.

Yeah, I don't know what I did.

We've got a Rebel Flag novelty metal tag.

A Rebel Flag novelty metal tag.

Do you think you can work with that, Zola?

Surely.

Excellent.

Great.

Let's do that.

KDK, does Zola really have a really clean house?

I think you mentioned that once.

He's really big on the super organization.

Yeah, it's as clean as mine.

I don't have OCD, and I don't think he does either.

But, you know, single guys aren't always dirty.

No, that's true.

I know you said he did a really good job putting away his little cables and everything.

I was like, aw.

I'm very anal retentive.

Anal.

Just like that cyst you had.

Yes.

I popped one of those and I smelled it, and it smelled like rotten doo-doo.

It smelled like rotten doo-doo.

The pustic.

Yeah, I failed to get a whiff of it.

My fault.

It smelled so good.

I'm sorry.

The person you are trying to reach has a voicemail box that has...

Whatever.

All right.

So anyway, I just received two hits of LSD off of a friend,

and I'm contemplating

not taking it tonight

but very soon

what do you think

about that

I've only done it once

and it freaked me out

a lot

I would say

go for it

if you're cool

I would have

nightmares on it

probably

Dave

have you ever

done that stuff

yeah

I was asking the other day

someone was

I was saying

I'm thinking about

trying shrooms

and I forget who

was like

man that's a high school

thing

why would you do that

that's such a kid

thing to do

well I've never

tried shrooms

well I've always

It's contested to the fact that you should wait until you've developed and matured and your chemicals are all balanced in your adulthood and then experiment with drugs.

I remember I was over a friend's house and they got pissed off at me because I spent the night like melting plastic face off of a Bart Simpson doll.

Just watching it melt.

Pyro.

You fucking pyro.

Really?

He got mad at me.

It's a true story.

And my friend who was there with me brought him with me to like watch over me and pretend.

And all he did was get pissed that I didn't have enough drugs to give him any.

Oh, well, whatever.

Fuck him.

He let go of Nutso.

He's like, Chellix.

That's good.

Yeah.

Dude, you don't have to know, Zohar, but I remember when you did, oh, what's that?

Salvia.

Salvia on the air once.

That was really funny.

KDK, you talked about that once on your show that you had tried it.

You tried it on air, too, KDK, as a matter of fact.

I remember hearing you do a show once, and you did The Saviour.

I was on the air, and I remember I was sitting in my computer chair.

I got out of my chair, and I sat on the floor, and I said,

I'm going to sit down because I feel like I'm going to fall down.

That was it, yeah.

Yeah, I think when you did it, KDK, it was only audible, right?

You didn't have video at the time.

No, I definitely did not have video.

Yeah, when I did it, I did it on camera, and fucking, oh, my God, I swear.

I thought I seen, like, the Grim Reaper, and I was pointing at him and going,

going, you know, who's dead?

Am I dead?

Is it me?

Oh, my God.

You know, I was literally in some kind of Grim Reaper scene.

Dude.

All right, here's a call.

Let's do a call real quick.

Actually, I have to take a piss.

Okay, go ahead and do that.

You're going to do it out the window, or are you going to do it?

I don't have a jug here for me to piss.

Oh, okay.

And it's daylight outside still, so I can't pitch it out the window.

All right, buddy, go ahead.

It's like a proper human in the bed.

All right.

Back shortly.

Very shortly, very shortly.

Zolar, here's one.

Maybe they're trying to get your number, bro.

Here is a little gas station in Beaver, Utah.

They have a sign that says they love Beaver.

Okay.

All right.

Let's try it.

Please leave a message after the tone.

Zawk.

Here is a shopping mall in Hawaii.

Direct dial numbers to every store.

Okay.

Is Lonesome Loser around?

Lonesome Loser, he came, he was gone for a few months.

He came back on Sunday.

I think he might be making an effort to be here tonight, but he has not shown up yet.

No, not yet.

I see, sir.

But I still always have plenty of numbers.

Don't worry, don't worry.

No, no, I was just wondering if he was around.

I wanted to shout out to him.

He was an integral part of the show.

Yeah, he really was.

We were talking about that earlier, how his confirmations were always so well done.

Helped out really a lot.

Yeah, him and Milkman.

Milkman with his famous voice and all of his help.

And those two guys were invaluable.

Yeah, yeah, totally.

All right.

Is that the right terminology, invaluable?

Invaluable, yeah.

They have no value.

basically that's not they're worthless all right right you couldn't put a value on them

oh is that how it works it sounds like the weirdest thing to say something it's invaluable

it's like okay great it's worthless no but it is the right terminology right it is it is it is

all right so we got sometimes i baffle myself when i say things go ahead all right here's

a guy who's selling a washer and dryer for 200 in texas uh nice okay a washer and dryer it looks

It's very old.

Austin.

We'll call the Texas

if you can real quick.

Austin.

This isn't picking up.

I've got the...

Hello, you've reached

Thomas Vermoes.

Please leave a message

at the time.

Instead of that,

we've got a...

How cool would it

Yeah.

I'm sorry, say that again?

It's a hack machine.

Like in old days

when I used to hack

everybody's answer machines.

Oh, man, that was fun.

Oh, my God.

That would be a real

PC reunion.

Do you remember

Long Dong when...

Oh, no.

The Wong, the Wong

was his real name.

I just called him long gone.

Do we ever...

You know, KDK, even on my show, you know, in the recent past, I was doing that, man,

hacking the phones, remembering how you did that and how much fun it was.

Oh, my God.

And then my daughter had called me.

She was arguing with one of her teenage friends.

And she was like, hey, Dad, remember how you used to do that thing, blah, blah, blah?

Can you still do that?

And I was like, of course, baby, but it's not right, you know, trying to teach her

the right way to do things.

anyway so she talks me into it but i was really trying to talk her out of it because i didn't

think i could do it you know you have to do a series of numbers it's a guessing game right

yeah so so fucking now i've got my foot in my mouth and she thinks i'm this great hacker and

crap you know and tv star or whatever radio show so i actually like put in three sequences of

number in a row i'm hearing an echo so if i sound strange it's because i'm baffled but um i got

I got through and told her the passcode, and she thought I was the coolest dad in the world.

So thank you for teaching me how to do that.

There you go.

It wasn't that hard.

Yeah.

I used to explain it every time I did it, because people are like, how did you do that?

I'm like, it's so simple.

Factor default codes.

That's all.

Yeah.

It was great, man.

It was really great.

And I was proud of myself as a delinquent father.

uh black countertop

microwave i got that this is still on oops this is still on austin let me see if i get the right

number copy i'll have that because i'm gonna have to run on you guys oh you are really you're gonna

be back well i'm at my wi-fi i gotta get traveling i don't have a reception with my cell phone up

here unless i get out on the major thoroughfare and which i will be in like 10 minutes if you

You want to try to hit me back?

Yeah.

Or I have another number you can call me from.

It's another cell phone.

You want to do that?

Yeah, yeah.

Can you text me that number?

Can you get it to me on a message somehow so you don't give it out over the air?

Yeah, okay.

Can I text this number that you called me from just now?

No, this won't receive shit.

I can bring, you know.

What can I do?

Well, I don't care.

It's only a phone I use for when I'm in the woods in case of an emergency.

I'll say it right here over the air and everybody can have it.

Out of here.

Here, half, okay, most of the listeners can't hear it.

Some can.

Go ahead real quick.

No problem.

Wait, hold on, hold on.

I'm not ready yet.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus, don't you have it memorized?

No, of course not.

All right, warm me, warm me.

All right, hold on, hold on.

All right, all right.

Microwave number 10.

All right, get ready.

I'll tell you when.

Okay, go ahead, boss.

And now.

Yeah.

718-344-2228.

All right, 2251.

2251, got it.

Right.

I got you.

I'll call you back in about how long

maybe 30 minutes you think

well I don't need any time if you're going to call me back

I'm ready to answer that thing right now

oh ok good I'll call you back

alright cool

so KDK

you explained now

when you did the Siobhan thing

and if you don't want to talk about it because it's private it's ok

but during the audio

you say that it felt good

you were just saying that to make her

him happy

be like you said but then later on you said was it like fucking like hello yeah hey zola we got

you back we're talking about the big siobhan event with uh kdk uh so was it really was it

warm at all kdk do you recall it was it was like a cold dead piece of meat really god there's one

i remember the video i can't i look for the video and i can't find it even on torrent anywhere do

you did you get a copy of that howard tv video of it for yourself they said they did oh that's

That's nice of them.

That was cool.

How nice of them.

That's great.

Do you know the part where it spreads its legs?

Oh, God, I just retched once.

I remember seeing them being like, oh.

It was so surreal, though.

It's like someone I knew was doing, on the Howard Stern show first and then doing that.

It was quite epic.

Now, the smell, that, I'm guessing, really horrid.

There's no smell, except for the apartment, because there were so many cats.

You couldn't smell anything other than the smell of cat piss.

and how like we're talking like almost 100 cats maybe not that much right exaggeration no but

they were strange from the street that came in and out and ones that she kept hostage in there

and didn't let out at all you know what i'm saying saw the cage that i fucked her in she

had a cage set up around her bed so that the cats wouldn't be like piling on top of her

him whatever yeah while he was sleeping no i didn't know it's like a segregated cage like a

Yeah, it was like chicken wire and shit, like all around the bed.

Oh, no, I did not know that.

He blew it on that episode because it made it so much more epic.

You know what really pissed me off?

And I don't listen to the Howard Church as much as I used to anymore.

What really pissed me off was Richard.

He ruined that bit because you were trying to do your thing,

and he starts going, whoo, retching.

He was doing a shtick.

Yeah, and it was funny.

funny and what otherwise would have been funnier he was just overtaking by trying to do his stupid

shtick yeah i don't think the shtick was funny no it wasn't funny it ruined it it was annoying

and loud you couldn't tell what happened it distracted you the funny part was when i got

disgusted and i jumped out of there and i like ran naked like through this disgusting apartment

barefoot god knows what kind of diseases i could have contracted to jump into the bathtub oh my

And then I'm with Howard Stern, and he puts Siobhan on, and I'm like, I'm pissing in her bathtub.

And she's like, you better not.

I'm like, this place is a rotten, disgusting, filthy, abandoned mess, and you're worried about me pissing in your bathtub?

There's so much piss in that house, and a little bit that's going to go down the drain is ruining it.

Piss is the least of her problems.

Oh, God.

You better not be.

Oh, she's got that tranny voice, you know, that you better not.

Oh, God.

There was also a line where I compared her to Gollum

and they cut that out.

I compared him to Gollum.

Oh, man. She really needs to get

extensions or something, too, man, because that

bald head handkerchief thing going on

is not cool.

I was able to keep it up for that.

Oh, God, yeah.

I had my boyfriend blowing me

right up until the moment where they started filming

so that I could be hard.

He basically fluffed you, right?

Exactly. He was my fluffer.

oh man and you said you you banged him as soon as you got home he had to get that frustration out

well i gotta tell you something though when i when i set that whole thing up i i was only

hoping and praying that he would go through with it because i didn't think for a moment in life

not even for a second that he would literally go through 100 with it and he did he manned up and

took one for the team and what he just you know he did what he did man and fucking you gotta be

be proud of somebody because no matter how degenerate the act is.

I know what a fake vagina feels like.

And it don't feel like an ass, and it don't feel like a vagina.

It feels like a piece of dick.

It feels like a lubed-up glove, right?

It felt like a lubed-up glove, basically.

Yeah, exactly.

It's fucking messed out, turned inside out, right?

Yep.

So Siobhan, didn't she spend like a long time with a stint, too?

She was like, I gotta get rainy and all that stuff.

They cut a lot of that out on the show, but she had to spend a lot of time with the stints.

Just to get you in, because it's not real.

That's yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's your body's always trying to heal that up because it's not supposed to be like that, right?

It's a wound. It's not your body constantly is trying to close it

From there or anything like that. It's just it's like if somebody left something, you know

When they make that area that I don't put like, you know natural fluids to force through be it out, you know

So much happened in the taxi where she's asking me, or he's asking me, will you make out with me?

And I'm like, no.

Oh, no, really? I had no idea about that.

There was a scene in the taxi where she's telling me, well, you better not be violent with me, or he's telling me, you better not be violent with me.

Because when I experience violence, then the split personality comes out, and she had a name for the personality.

and there's a scene

where I just

I just like

slapped my hand

to my forehead

and I'm like

I can't believe

that I

I'm gonna do this

oh man

you almost backed out

right there probably

you were like

this is not

yeah

somehow or another

fuck it

there's a condom

there's no hair

there should have been

a prize for like

fucking ten thousand dollars

for that

yeah

but hey

you got on Howard

and all that

you made a few appearances

after that

with Hypergeric

right

I think

in some

bar or something

like that

yeah

yeah i did i did it it was high picture nobody high picture he wanted to talk to me because it

was a little weird nice awesome like what's it like to fuck a fake vagina i'm like it's probably

exactly like a flashlight except only maybe a little more dense and tough a little more give

back right yeah no a lot less give back oh really oh more than oh it gets a flashlight yeah but

but it's kind of like you know the dead hand technique to masturbation where you don't feel

yourself doing it what i'm getting out of this all right look we got a we got another washer

and dryer here for sale guys um zolar still trying to do his first call i keep not getting

are you guys able to hear me without any problem do i sound okay yeah you sound you sound like

you're in a car you're all right we can manage don't worry about it man this is madhouse we're

used to this we're sorry your call dial that number didn't go through um so are you back

This is not a PCU reunion with me and Zolar.

We need Sean Ward.

He was on earlier.

You missed.

Lego was on already.

Lego said he couldn't make it too late.

He had a change in his scheduling,

and Sean Ward has a video he's recording right now with some people.

He's taking off on YouTube.

He's looking at 100,000 subscribers in the next month, he said.

That's the Sean Ward show on YouTube.

Be sure to add that.

I recognize his talent right away.

And I still have some of his, if he ever does get famous, I have his,

he signed like some kind of crazy autographs for me and he signed some comic books.

You know, he used to, that's how he started out.

He did like comic books.

Underground comic books in Toronto, in Toronto, Toronto, Canadian.

Pretty goddamn good.

Yeah.

Well, funny, well, he stayed at my, I remember he came over,

he stayed at my place for a few days and he gave me those copies of his comic books.

Signed and everything. Yeah, he's a super talented guy. He's making it.

But he's famous. We're going to make ducats on him.

Here's a... We got a portable wooden crib.

Zolar, can you work with a portable wooden crib?

Yeah, let me try. If you guys mute and I just make believe I'm in the car trying to talk about it,

what state is it in?

We're still in Austin, Texas.

And they're asking $40 for this thing. $40.

They grow them dumb down there.

They stay in the crib a long time.

I'm not available, so please leave a message after the...

No, it's fine. I'm redialing.

And if the second time they don't pick up, they can't.

Zola, you can leave a message at the redial.

Too long to be honest with you.

I can say I was listening earlier and...

Let me hear it.

Because I heard him and he was doing those flip team prank calls and that was great.

Let me move away from...

I'm going to just go for a business so we can get something going here.

Shit. Stop the song.

Dashkin Indian Cuisine

Is the music bothering you, KDK?

Money

Oh, you don't like Pink Floyd's money?

It's a great song

How am I calling?

Yeah, Indian food?

Okay

How are you doing?

Can you hear me okay?

I'm in the car

Yes, can you hear me okay?

Yes

Okay

My wife said that she called over

She wanted to order some food

And you couldn't understand her?

Then

People that speak, sir?

Yes, we do

Can we speak to somebody who speaks English?

My wife said that you didn't understand her

And that you were very rude

And talked about her

her labia being flappy.

No, when?

Well, who said anything about her labia?

I want to know.

No, no, when she called me.

Oh, I don't know.

It must have been about 40 minutes ago.

And I have her on the freeway right now.

When you explained to her, honey?

No, I did not get any calls from Karen.

Okay, she said that.

She said she was trying to order, and you said...

No, this is the first call I'm getting from 5 o'clock.

What does that mean, close your legs?

There's an echo.

I don't understand why you would say that to a woman, sir.

Sir, did you call Duxin Restaurant Summer Branch?

Apologizing because I can get my wife on the phone right now?

No, no, no. I did not get any calls from your wife.

Okay, it may be your culture to lie, but here in America, we tell the truth, okay?

Hello, sir. I am saying that, you know, can you understand what I am saying?

I did not get any calls from your wife.

This is the first call I am receiving from 5 o'clock.

Okay, my wife is texting me right now. Are you there?

I was giving you the opportunity to bring that character in.

What's that character's name again, KDK?

Jill.

Jill Rosenthal, based on Kevin's...

Was Kevin's dead mother Jill also, or did you just come up with that name?

What's her name? Her name was...

Linda. Okay, that's right. You did say that already, I think.

I went to school with a friend named Jill Rosenthal, so I just made Jill Rosenthal.

Rosenthal.

I missed that.

It's like, hello, dear.

I can't even do it.

Hello, dear.

Yeah.

That sounds like it's got to kill you.

It sounds like it's like a double voice.

It's got to kill your voice after a while, though,

wherever you're probably.

It does.

Oh, gosh.

Yeah, I wouldn't be able to do it.

I'd be scratching.

I'm still young.

I'm strong.

I can do that voice for hours.

I may cough like crazy, but.

Yeah.

No problem.

Katie, Katie, you haven't done shows in a while, right?

Are you retired?

Are you going to come back any time?

No, I can be back any day now.

Yeah, okay.

You are, really?

I'm being serious.

KDKFrankCalls.com

I can be back this very next Saturday.

Okay, good.

Because the stream is still there.

I still have it.

Good.

I can open it up.

I could go off the air with you and go on the air right now if I wanted to.

Oh, yeah, you could.

I won't, but on Saturday, maybe I will.

Okay, no, that's fine.

You can go wherever you want.

It's free country, you know, but...

I'm so upset that we never got a little network together where we became something.

We had a good situation going, man, and we just didn't know how to network like others on the internet do.

I blame Prankmaster.

He was envious of our powers.

He was the saboteur.

He is.

He's scheduled to start joining up here in a little bit, as a matter of fact.

He said he was going to join around 8 o'clock.

That's in about 8 minutes, so I'm hoping he's going to be...

All right, well, anyway, if I start cutting out, feel free to just fucking hang up on me or anything, but, yeah.

I think Chaos was a little bit of a prank master, was a little bit of a fucking scavenger.

Did he what?

He what?

Yeah, I'm saving stuff, because we've got to ask him about the time Zolar peed on his feet, the time that the hooker came.

Yeah, there was, is that video ever anywhere, Zolar?

Oh, you do?

I don't know if anybody ever put it anywhere other than on the internet, but it's in one of my old PCs.

Did you contact me like a year ago and you asked me to send that video, or was that someone else?

And I sent him the video where Zolar peed on his socks.

Oh, why did he take his socks off?

That's worse to get peed on your socks.

Oh, because it's all squishy and then it gets cold.

No, don't fuck that.

I'd rather have it just bounce right off.

I don't want to be festering there and marinating.

He squishes anyway.

Yeah, right.

When was he going to keep this off?

I don't get it.

You're right.

Hang on.

Let me see if Milkman is...

Give me a second.

I might lose you.

KDK, if I lose you, I'll call you right back.

All right, buddy.

Hang on.

Let me talk to everybody.

Have a good show, because my shit sounds like ungots.

Okay.

You're fine.

Well...

If I'm fine, I'm good.

I'm ready to hang.

You're good.

No, you're fine.

You stay on, man.

You sound fine.

Okay.

Milkman, are you here?

Yeah, because I'm in the mountains, and I keep going in and out.

Call me.

Yeah, Milkman.

Can you stay on here?

The Skype connection doesn't work.

Stay on here.

Call me.

No, I got you.

I got you.

Stay on here because I need you off in order to do calls for right now.

I can't hold the connection.

It keeps dropping out, dude.

I'll lose you again.

Well, can you wait for a little bit while we do some calls and we'll pick you up later?

Because I want to be able to.

Is that okay?

Yeah, okay.

If you lose me, then just forget it.

Then just call me whenever, whatever.

Okay, guys, go ahead and do calls and I'll just listen.

Aw, I'm sorry.

Don't be mad.

We'll start a hangout.

If you lose me, there's no way I can get back a hold of you.

Go ahead, man.

Do the calls, man.

Have fun.

Don't you know.

Come on.

Don't be like that.

I lost you.

Look, Katie Kane's here.

Don't be like that.

Katie Kane's here.

Kate, milkman.

Skype.

Yeah, we know.

Yeah, I don't know.

I was singing his praises only a moment ago.

Hello?

You're here, milkman.

Yes, you're here, milkman.

I hear you now.

Okay, there you are.

It keeps saying lost connection.

All right, well, don't go anywhere.

Just don't pretend it's not doing that, okay?

and we'll keep you on.

All right?

All right.

Hey.

All right, so here's my idea.

I've got an LA Fitness.

This is a gym,

or a gymnasium as they call it

on the West Coast.

We can call them,

and I think Jill Rosenthal, maybe,

could be doing a gym membership thing.

Can I be seen, the listeners?

Yeah.

Everybody knows that I love

to call the old people.

Yeah.

So please send some numbers.

Instead of businesses and restaurants,

please send numbers for befuddled old people.

Would you like to call UK wankers,

as we call them?

Old British people at home.

I have a whole ton of those I can get for you.

All right, let's do some UK.

It's not super popular.

Who's on this show?

I don't even know who's on here.

Who's on here now?

Zolar and KDK along with me and you.

Okay?

Oh, okay, okay, okay.

Milkman, be nice, all right,

because I hear you're getting a little upset.

No, I'm trying to be nice.

I can't hear very good.

I apologize, guys.

I don't mean to interrupt.

All right, let me turn this music down.

I hear Milkman better than anybody else.

I love that guy's voice,

He's powerful in your show

Yeah

He sounds the best

I love you Zolar

I'm going to go back on mute man

I'm going to tear up some ass you guys

Everybody tear him up

The triumvirate in the house

The axis

We need Lego

I'm hoping he can join us again

He was on earlier like I said KDK

But he couldn't stick around

I wish you could get Jim back

Yeah and he was here too

he said he has to work tomorrow

I know he was he was having a good

old time I love that guy

alright here is

Ted Webb said he's gonna try

to join in about an hour from now

he said he might be able to make it

in an hour or two so

is he still busy with me or is he

okay no he's not no he's not

he's fine he's fine he's doing

the blue planet thing he has an app now

android app for his station

looks really nice

He's doing some things

BluePlanetPrankRadio.net

Everybody be sure to check that out

He's got the best

He has

It's an Android app

Because the iPhone

The fee to get an iPhone app published is crazy

So he's working on the Android for now

Yeah I know

Well it's arguable

Listen

These are all British people

Wankers named Davies

It is now, what, almost 1 o'clock in the morning over there?

Oh, they're not asleep.

Let's save that for, like, another hour.

You want to call later?

Okay.

All right.

I was going to tell her to sleep.

All right.

We can do that.

No problem.

Well, those will be ready for us.

I'll keep calling around.

I think Zolar dropped.

Talk to people, retirement homes, retirement communities.

Yeah.

Does anyone have any old people for us?

It's been a long time since I've gotten a date with an 85-year-old woman.

An 85-year-old piece of tail.

there's that laugh i haven't heard the kdk laugh in years man i've got to say i missed

everything up till now i finally heard a kdk laugh thank you bro here's something here's

something here's something i get into it's called lowe's home improvement lowe's roulette everyone

in the chat room let me kill that real quick everyone in the chat room if you can do me a

a favor uh start typing in a number between uh three and six right now and uh whoever's last

after i say the word poop in there that is a number that we will dial go ahead and start now

i've typed the word and we got option number six is what we're all here uh we're doing uh

lowe's roulette as i like to call it yeah yeah what's that

Thank you for calling Rose.

And on white pages, there's three kids who can find me.

To reach a department directly, press 5.

Or to speak with information on transferring to flooring, please hold.

Flooring we got.

All right, so look up an address in New Milford and then reverse search the number?

Find neighbors.

Okay.

That number's for their neighbors.

You know what I like to do is I...

I'm in floors.

Hey, hey, how you doing?

this is floors right oh yeah yeah yeah good do you have the springs that go for the floor

springs that go for the floor hello yeah we're looking for the bounce the springs for the floor

to make it go i have no idea what you're talking about sir me and my my boyfriend ed we get real

frisky at night in the bedroom and we got these springs on the floor and they go up and down

and we busted one of those because i weigh like 350 pounds i busted one of them last night it

It went boing, it went right up his asshole.

You've been boing, boing, boing.

Yeah, hello?

There it is.

Hello?

Yeah, hey, we're trying to get a replacement for this spring here.

I don't have any.

Do you have any springs there?

Milkman, you got a lot of wind there, buddy.

Close your window.

Suffocate, please.

Thank you.

Sorry, I haven't got stock here.

Suffa, bitch.

KDK used to say that a lot back in the Braille building.

Suffa, bitch.

He would say, there's no show tonight.

Suffa, bitch.

Someone was going to send me some church directory numbers.

Plenty of old people in those church directories.

If you want trouble, you come to the right place.

Price compels you.

Front desk, pick up already.

All right, I'm pulling up a map for New Milford, Connecticut, as you suggested.

And you said just find their residence, you said?

All right.

Before I forget, let me ask KDK, is Crab Girl still alive, KDK?

That little girl, that little crippled girl used to live in your neighborhood.

KDK, did you hear that?

Are you back, KDK?

KDK, are you there?

Milkman, do something about your background noise, please.

What is it?

Your background noise.

Can you do something about it?

Did I make him mad or something?

I didn't hear what happened.

I asked him a question.

I didn't make him mad.

You didn't.

He hasn't answered yet, and I'm asking you to do something about your background noise

in the meantime.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Yeah, yeah.

I muted it.

I was just talking to you.

I couldn't hear what was going on.

KDK, you there?

I think that's a connection issue.

Yes.

I said instead of going to the bathroom, I went and I grabbed a piss jug.

Yes.

So I'm going to be peeing through it all night tonight.

uh-huh by the time it's full it'll be dark and then i can pitch it out the old days just like

just don't accidentally forget and drink it no i've come close to that in the hospital

and as a matter of fact that's happened to it even before when i was drunk man

got that fuck up to my mouth you feel this warm bottle set it down don't tip it

what's worse drinking warm piss or cold piss i would say cold piss well milkman you gotta do

You can't...

You sound like shit, man.

If I lean in, you can hear the pee.

If you're real quiet.

This is terrible Skype.

Nope, man.

It's your window.

It's your car.

You were supposed to be quiet so you could hear me.

I know, man.

Hear my pee.

You know him.

Look, man.

I can't hear you peeing.

Did you have a nice pee?

I'm still peeing.

Oh, nice.

Still can't hear it.

Put it up real close.

Can't lean down that far.

Otherwise, it's going to come out of the bottle.

Do you ever make your urethra talk?

Like, me, me, me.

You ever do that?

Is the bubble cold or hot?

I've had girls who have ducked, and they don't understand that it doesn't feel good when you try to stick their tongue down your ear.

Oh, fucking bitches.

No, don't do that.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, but sometimes I make the little pee-pee hole talk.

Like, sometimes when you're peeing, you can do that, and you can, like, spray all across the room.

Oh, yeah, you get, like, that double.

I get that double.

Is that bad if I have a double spray sometimes?

How about the fork pee stream, you know, like the fork tongue of a snake?

That's what I use to get something to chew.

I think that means I have kidney problems.

Your dick hole is acting like Siobhan's vagina.

Oh, thank God.

Trying to seal itself shut.

It's like a wound.

All right, look.

Here's an old person.

Oh, I love it.

But it's in the UK.

Old lady or an old dude?

It just says J.

The letter J.

Find out.

Edgar.

Your call cannot be taken at the moment, so please leave your message.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here's a different one.

What's the UK wake-up call?

Yeah.

Edgar.

Oh, my God.

This is funny.

I wake up when it's like four in the morning.

Are you really into not waking him up yet?

All right.

All right, I'll keep calling elsewhere.

Dwight's sending in some numbers, he said, I thought.

He's sending a number for Linda Blair, the actress.

This is her cell phone number.

He was, yeah, you know Linda Blair, of course.

You're a big fan.

I'm going to call her up and see that.

Yeah, let's do it.

Linda Blair.

See if she picks up.

Oh, good.

You have your voice.

Perfect.

She ain't going to answer.

What?

You have reached the voice mailbox of 773.

What did you read?

What happened?

Bessie Palmer died.

She's the original

Jason's mom serial killer

From Friday the 13th Part 1

I probably called her

Hermano

Can you try and do a call later

With him doing like Edgar

And then you using the white devil voice changer

Like use his voice with that

Yeah I could do anything

Dude I think it would be hilarious man

Like if you guys don't mind

I would love to hear a real cool call like that

We do mind but we'll do it

Ed Rosenthal you're saying

okay uh the following is a cat litter box and accessories that are apparently for sale

all right you're driving again yeah this looks like a used litter box that's nasty

ten dollars oh what's your ad litter box uh for sale the what at the litter box sale

Well, I saw it up on the line.

Do you have used?

Just one.

How long has the one cat used the box?

Oh, I don't even keep up with it.

Can I ask why you're getting rid of the box?

Is the cat still around or has it keeled over?

Huh?

Kitty, is the kitty still around or has it shuffled off this mortal coil?

No, the cat's no longer here.

Is it dead?

Is it still alive?

No, he's passed.

Mr. Tookum.

Yeah.

Mr. Tookum's?

Was that his name?

Hey, it's okay. I'm not going to sell it.

I'm just going to throw it away, okay?

Thanks for calling.

I'll give you the ten bucks.

I think you reminded him of his dead cat and he got all sad.

I think he thought I was...

Mr. Snookos.

I'm just going to throw it away.

Never mind.

All right.

You got a pretty tall little bro here.

Mr. Snookos.

How are your cats doing, KDK?

They good? They good?

For your cats, you had Sebastian and who else?

I forget now.

Sebastian.

That's what I was going to ask you.

Thank you for asking that question.

Sebastian is my wonderful

and I just said his name so he's

sleeping on the couch he's looking over at me

because I said his name

he is my wonderful

beautiful purebred blue point

Siamese cat somewhere around here

there's oh there's Gussie

she is a wonderful another

purebred seal point female

Siamese cat and

my ex-boyfriend's cat is still here

somewhere probably sitting in the window

Keith's cat I don't know Keith had

had a cat of his own yeah keith had a cat yeah and i remember mouse that passed away rest in

peace mal yeah is k-bone still alive is k-bone still around i have an update yeah but you guys

don't know his name he contracted herpes oh nice well not sorry because he could have gotten way

worse he could have gotten hiv yeah yeah totally of course yeah yeah or killed for ow and the

The funniest thing is, he went to a place to get tested for herpes,

and he knew he had herpes because he was having, like, sores and outbreaks,

and they gave him, like, the medicine to control it.

There is no cure for herpes.

All listeners out there, be safe, because there is no cure even for herpes.

There's no cure.

Even after 100 years, there's still no cure for herpes.

Yeah.

And he was threatened by sending them his old address, which is here.

that's how i found out that he had herpes nice classy that's real classy shit the first thing

i did was go get myself tested even though i never had an outbreak i just had to make sure

and found that i'm clean as it was good good good for you man and everyone should get tested even

even if you have any doubt at all whether a hetero or gay yeah everyone should be tested

you never know man a lot of women are dirty too a lot of men straight men are dirty too

That's true, yeah.

A lot of people try to do it.

Everybody's parts get sick.

Yeah, and the thing is, a lot of women deal with or are married to men who say they're celibate

and they're out hooking up in glory holes and stuff like that and cheating on their wives

because they want to get in on what men.

KDK can tell you probably he's dealt with this.

There's a lot of glory holders out there.

I've been to sleep with women that I sleep with lately is married.

Oh, okay.

There you go.

Cha-ching, man.

Hey, whatever. That's cool.

You don't feel bad about that at all?

If you can reach divorce,

every marriage eventually fails.

So whether I cause it to

get the rich one and then go

retire, Keke.

It was going to happen.

Well, I said I didn't want to talk about it.

Yeah, okay. No problem. We won't talk about it. Sorry.

We got cattle hay for sale.

I don't want to talk about it.

Let's film. I don't want to talk about it.

Okay. All right. No problem. That's understandable.

I'll talk about Shaban. I'll talk about

about how it's done, or whatever.

The only thing I don't want to talk about is money.

Alright, what about Crazy Dave?

We'll see if this call connects. Crazy Dave.

Fucking guy, he doesn't...

His phone is ringing. I'll ask him about Crazy Dave.

Hello?

I can't hear you. David.

He contacted me, and he told me he's leaving

under your seat. Who are you looking for?

We call him Crazy David,

but you would probably just refer to him

as the weird guy who...

I don't know what you're talking about, man.

under the sink yeah so he doesn't live uh he was above you right floor above you

no he got evicted he lived a couple doors down there's a new crazy person there now

nice and less dangerous more helpful crazy person there yeah crazy david i remember

zola recall him and he'd come to your place like howard stern's on

yeah he talked to me all the time because he thought he was like a star on the howard stern

Yeah, and then I think Billy Mira pranked him with whatever voice he used to do.

He's like, oh, man.

Yeah, in his freezer.

Yes.

You remember that one?

Yeah, I do.

I'm sorry.

The person you were trying to reach has a voicemail box that has not been set up.

That was frozen in his freezer, and he couldn't bury him because the ground was frozen.

I have no idea.

If the chat room has a guess, go for it.

Any of our older listeners in there.

I can't think of the answer off the top of my head.

my head but if somebody gave the right answer i would know it immediately all right well we can

just start naming names oh man crazy dave yeah that guy he just went along with it because

anytime somebody prank called him he thought he was on the howard stern show yeah and so

he was performing yeah i just remember his only hip zolart telling me yeah go wake up dave

go go to kip sorry i'm sorry go go to kip he'd wake you and and keith k bone up and shit you

I can refer to a crazy person.

That's enough. Just don't involve me.

Why do you involve me?

Cat's name was...

Maybe

Tippi or Buttons.

Buttons.

Alright, Milkman, you there? Control your

background noise, Mr. Milkman. Please.

I'm begging you. I'm praying.

My bladder's getting full,

so in a minute we're gonna take a

quick break so I can pee. I don't have a piss jug.

I do have one.

at the end of the show

we'll pitch them out the window together

I have an unused brand new piss bug

piss jug in a container there from when I broke

my ankle they gave it to me and I never used it

but I have one I could get

but not now

a jug with a screw on lid that I bought at the dollar store

does it have a big wide mouth

you have to have the wide mouth

I actually gave one to my neighbor

because he's like obsessed with Grand Theft Auto 5

alright

I can't leave

I gotta pee but I can't leave

and I'm like, here's a pistol.

And he's like, ta-da!

Are you playing GTA 5 at all or is this his town?

I play GTA 5 on PS3.

I don't have a PS4 yet because there's nothing really worthwhile

to justify buying a new system yet.

But yeah, I'm on...

If anybody wants to play Grand Theft Auto V with me,

I am kdkpranks on PS3 so you can friend me

and we can go kill people together.

Yeah, get blowjobbed.

Or try to kill each other, whatever.

Yeah, I play a lot on PC.

See, there's a group of us that plays on PC

ever since it came out.

Not as much as we used to when it first hit,

but we've had a lot of fun.

We've been doing it on Twitch and stuff like that.

It's been pretty fun.

Fun stuff.

Yeah.

Here, real quick,

this is a M-Audio Axiom Pro,

I guess this is a USB MIDI controller,

whatever.

I'm just going to...

Who?

Me?

My vagina?

Milkman?

Oh, he dropped again.

You know him.

Let me try him again.

Let me call him.

That's the song.

Come on, Milkman, pick up.

It's always the thing with the Milkman.

He used to finally say, just don't, what do you put him on if he can't fucking, he doesn't contribute anything.

He's, his body just sucks.

He said that once in a while.

He was on.

That's his role.

Milkman?

Nope.

You there?

Yeah, there you are.

All right, we'll keep you on here, okay?

How's that?

Yeah, Milkman, how big is your vagina?

Milkman?

You got an answer for me?

Yeah, I hear you.

Okay, all right.

KDK asked you a question.

Hello?

I didn't hear what she said there.

I was connected, and I just got connected.

What happened?

How big is your vagina?

Oh, how big is my vagina?

Oh, shit.

It's almost as big as my head.

You stick your head up there.

It's a gaping hole, man.

It's as wide as the gap between my ears.

Yeah.

Who always asks me that?

I'm always like, oh.

I got to get a measuring stick out, so let me get back with you guys on that one.

Now, if you want to know how deep, it's not very deep.

no volume volume is what we're looking for volume yeah okay it's very wide but not very

deep so it's got a large surface area it's deceptive all right

just look for the orange peel just look for the orange peel dimples you'll be all right

oh okay i'm gonna call for this usb connector thing here let's see what happens uh let milkman

milkman start milkman start it call me 25 key usb midi controller it's like a keyboard keyboard

say that if you don't want to i would say pass what's a keyboard i don't have a keyboard

sounds like a country singer's name uh this instead is a roth 1964 rat fink ring and charms

what the hell is that let me pull up that ad um these are some kind of toys some kind of charm

Charm Toys KDK, I'll post it in the Skype chat here.

If you want to take a look, maybe you recognize them.

I don't recognize this toy at all.

They're from 65.

I'm not trying to say you're old, but maybe you know what they are.

Original Ed Big Daddy Roth Memorabilia.

I've never heard of this shit before.

Big Daddy Roth?

Is that like a...

That's not like a...

I thought Daddy Garland was a funny car racer.

I don't know who that is.

Daddy Roth.

You probably know better than us.

I don't know.

They're like ring charms.

Ring charms?

I don't know, that's a weird one.

It is a weird one.

We're obscure.

Yeah, and because of that, I'll start it off, just because it's...

If you want to layer the tiers of PCU, you would have Monkey Phone at the bottom, right?

Right.

And then probably, like, Sean Ward.

Okay.

And Carlito, and then me, and then Zolar, and then Dr. Lego.

He's crazy.

He's, like, stupid old.

Remember, he was the king of prank calls.

Somebody's trying to sell me a stupid thing.

Yeah.

Folks are looking at the chat rooms when they can see this.

what the heck

it looked like

10 cent erasers

you would put on

the end of your

pencil

yeah I just

want to chew

them and eat

them

or chew

your eye

yeah

and how much

do they want

for this shit

uh

18 dollars

like why even

bother

just throw this

shit out

no one's gonna

buy this crap

I love it when

they bring stuff

like this to

that pawn shop

show whatever

it's called

pawn stars

yeah and the

heart gets broken

they realize that

they're garbage

it really is

garbage

and they're always

like well I'm

gonna hang on to

it cause that's

bullshit

I don't believe

it

I'm not selling this for a dollar because it's a priceless family heirloom.

This show's a piece of shit.

That's family there with that one.

You're with them Rothschild doors.

What the fuck is that?

Those balls.

Yeah.

You got them Roth 1960s Rat Fink ring and char.

Yeah, I'm the one.

Oh, yeah?

Where'd you fish those out of?

Those have been in my personal collection since the 60s, man.

Yeah, I'm 64 years old.

So, yeah, I've had them ever since I was a teenager, man, because at that, when I saw these, I had a 1964 GTO.

Yeah?

All right, so how many sexual organs have they been inside?

Probably about a hundred.

Yeah? You put them on a ring like those bedlam beads?

He never even broke the wood.

What'd you do?

Sorry, man, I lost it there.

Oh, yeah, you lost it up your asshole?

That's pretty funny.

That is a good one, isn't it?

I'm going to put Ed Rosenthal in.

He's the one that's really interested in them.

Okay, thanks, but no thanks.

Oh, come on.

Well, he said thanks, but no thanks.

He's gone.

You're sounding a little low, KDK.

Your volume went down.

Is he still there?

No, he left.

He left.

Well, good thing you didn't hear me say, is he still there?

No.

I was wondering.

Okay.

What time is it?

Where are we at?

Are we at nine yet?

Almost.

That's what you hook it on man

To get it out

That's the back up

You tie a little string to the end of that

The pink one probably

That's a nice little look to a cock ring

Yeah that's a small cock

That's a small pee pee

No one has a cock that small

Oh you think so

That's some pressure

That's scary though

have that big green

it's the second

front of your nuts

is big green

whatever the fuck

this is

green mouse

oh man

alright so we're

approaching 9 o'clock

it's 8.30 right now

yeah yeah

KDK I'm very happy

you're joining us here

I'm very happy

to be here

thanks man

it is a real

privilege and honor

to have you back

around KDK

I really have

missed you brother

man you know

much love man

you still are my

old cerebro

the prank world

man it's good

to hear you man

good to hear you too

and I hope to hear

from you when i start doing my show again yeah it's good man it's good man he's a man

yeah i may have been dormant for the past few months but two years or four years don't worry

about it you know what you need though no offense you need you need to update the website the look

of it because you used to make fun of lego used to say that his site looked like a myspace page

from the from a long time ago but your your site could use a maybe yeah i know yeah i'm not not

not talking shit maybe some wordpress in there you know well yours looks like a cluttered bumble

fuck how about that oh yeah i know i'm not doubting that it's always have i never know

what i'm doing with my show page man yeah so don't worry about it all right all right i won't worry

that's what i'm going for a mom of business you run into like a an angel fire site yeah

geo cities the geo cities look kdk man i love your site dude it's like a time warp dude it's

It's exactly the way it always has been.

I mean, I can count on it, dude.

It's the same site, dude.

It's perfect.

All right.

Here's a guy.

He took his Craigslist ad down.

I'm going to see if he picks up, and I'm going to give him shit about taking down the Craigslist ad.

Fuck that.

What's he got to hide?

I'm going to have to take a break, because my, oof, I'm going to pee everywhere here in a second.

Domino's Pizza Delivery Drivers.

And Iwa Beach.

That's awesome.

Calling Tremor at Victory Place.

All right.

Yeah, yeah, lady.

Milkman, hang on.

KDK, you want to hang on for the break?

Can you stay on?

I'll figure myself in the butthole

for a couple minutes.

Excellent. I knew you could figure it out.

I'm going to take a break here.

When we come back, we've got more prank calls.

KDK's on here with us

along with Milkman.

At the top of the hour,

we'll transition into the final segment

of this 12-hour extravaganza.

It'll be the last three hours.

It'll be a PC and free-for-all.

We're going to have the best of PC.

All our hosts are going to come on, and it'll be a prank call free-for-all.

Hopefully, we have enough numbers to get us through that.

Keep in mind, we are going to be playing the best of Ernie.

Ernie, this is the other Ernie.

Milkman, do you remember the guy in Guam that we called three Thanksgivings in a row?

Kept finding him wherever he was regarding masturbation of horses.

Oh, yeah, horse Ernie, man. Horse, man. The original horse.

Kept saying he was masturbating horses.

he never understood why it was we never really understood why but we just kept doing it uh

fuck them right all right so one of the random jokes that just come out of your head and you

just decided the horses and masturbate whatever i mean we just decided we're gonna make a call

out of it and it's fun it's all big movement man famous well you have to masturbate them that was

and that was part of our whole thing that was it so i always said so how do you do you know what

about their shoes how you gonna masturbate a horse if they're wearing shoes right calluses

is on their calluses you said yeah right yeah all right so how's the horse gonna reach down

the guy's shoe on yeah kdk i will warn you there is rap music on this break coming up sorry i know

you're not a big fan of that but that is coming up this is all right i'll be right back in a few

thank you everyone for hanging in there on this radio we'll be back right after this

no kick from champagne doesn't why should there's only one beer left screaming all in our ears like

Thank you for holding this in line. May I help you?

Yes, ma'am. Listen, I was in there earlier tonight, and these people were talking about masturbating a horse.

And I want an explanation. I want an apology.

And I want to get some type of compensation, or I'm going to report you for bestiality.

When did this happen?

Two days ago, and I've been calling in trying to get an answer.

And the person who was talking about it, about masturbating a horse, keeps answering the phone, and they refuse to put me through.

Okay. Two days ago, so that was on Wednesday night.

I want you to write down that someone masturbated a horse.

Okay.

Inside the restaurant while I was there.

Someone, what?

You want me to do what?

Masturbate at the horse.

To write down in the restaurant.

Well, they were talking about it, so you just write down that they masturbated the horse there.

Okay.

I want you to write down this report.

You ready for the first line?

Okay.

Cross was in on Wednesday.

Okay.

Line two.

Ernie was talking about masturbating the horse.

Ernie was not?

Ernie was talking about masturbating the horse.

How was I talking about it when I wasn't here?

Well, I don't know who it was, but I just have a name now, so I thought maybe you could help me out.

Why would you add something to the story that was false?

Well, because what do you imagine if the horses...

Why are you trying to fuck this part?

If they were talking about masturbating a horse and they had a horse there already.

I mean, that right there is like, you know, reasonable suspicion right there that Ernie was masturbating a horse.

Between me and you, this Ernie person that you're reporting is a person?

I'm Ernie. I'm Ernie.

Ernie, I'm going to report myself as masturbating a horse.

But see, I'm trying to get to the bottom of this whole situation,

but you're not helping out by saying that in a fortified statement,

saying that there's a horse in the restaurant that they were actually masturbating.

I can guarantee there was not a horse in the restaurant.

I don't know that the horse is being masturbated.

I just know that Ernie was talking about it the whole time.

No, you said that I was masturbating a horse.

You told me that Ernie was masturbating a horse when I wasn't even here.

so right now i can't find information where was ernie at this i was off that night you should

okay so now that you're complaining to me i'm trying to get to the bottom of it but i can't

if you're gonna give me false information about what's going on here where were you at the whole

time though you were off but where were you where were you at i was in the restaurant and you were

masturbating a horse apparently so you were in the restaurant watching them masturbate this horse

no someone was talking about masturbating the horse

So, on Monday night, about what time were you here?

It was during the dinner rush, I don't know.

Dinner rush on Wednesday night.

I was drinking.

You were drinking here?

Do you remember what you drank so that I can pull it up on our screen?

I wasn't drinking there.

No, I brought in alcohol myself.

I brought in those little bottles of Beefeater.

Oh, okay.

So, you brought in your own Beefeater bottles for yourself to the restaurant that closed

around 9 o'clock during our rush.

And?

Have a good day, sir.

Have a good day.

All right, masturbate.

Horse tacker.

Thank you for calling.

Here's my name.

May I speak with Ernie, please?

This is Ernie.

Ernie, hi.

This is Cross.

How are you doing?

Hi, Cross.

How are you?

I'm good.

Listen, there's a problem.

I went there for wings and fried pickles.

I sat down, and the woman sat next to me.

She kept coming by to the table, and she sat down at the table with me.

I think she was attracted to me, and then she got close, and she told me a story about

a horse.

Okay.

The horse, so she touched the horse.

She said that Ernie was in charge of the horse.

That Ernie brings the horse, and the woman touches the horse, and they have a horse show.

Is this true?

No, it's not.

Where can I see the horse show, then?

It's really familiar to a conversation I had with someone a long time ago.

About a year ago?

Yeah.

A year to the day?

Probably.

It was.

We talked about the horse together, remember?

Yeah.

Remember you touched the horse for me, and I watched it?

I didn't touch a horse for anybody.

Yeah, you did.

I watched you touch the horse.

I didn't touch no horse.

I don't understand why you keep calling me, or you called me before, and then you're calling me now,

talking to me about a horse again.

Honestly, if you want to come and talk to me about a horse, why don't you come down here and talk to me to my face?

Listen, you touched the horse, and I got turned on, and I like it.

She came over, and she was bringing me my buffalo wings.

Okay.

And I kind of noticed when she came over and she leaned over to give me my wings

that she had a horse face, and I didn't know if you were interested in touching her

because she looked like a fucking horse.

I don't understand why you guys, you and this other guy,

continue to harass me about a fucking horse.

I think you love it.

Why don't you grow up?

I think you want to deep throat the horse.

Man, this horse story is getting weird.

Hello?

Yeah, you're masturbating a horse over there, sir.

need to stop that you know um last year we actually got in trouble we got someone in trouble

for doing this and this is a form of harassment so you're not harassing me this is this is uh

it's not harassment sir it's an informative call so it's not a harassing call i can prove this

because ernie doesn't work here anymore i can give you his contact number oh cool yeah hey this

is cross i'm a friend of his and i got a whole bunch of his stuff from uh that he had left over

over here but i'm leaving did you want his contact number i can give it to you right now yeah totally

yeah all right cool all right well thanks man thank you all right be safe yeah bye you too

thank you bye hello ernie yes hey ernie it's cross what's up man this is cross hey listen i was just

calling i know we got into some beef uh last two years but that horse really screwed up my head

when i saw you masturbating the horse last year again it fucked me up fucking permanently man

And I keep having conversations with people about horse.

I keep saying horse all the time.

Hello?

Ernie?

Yes?

You know the whole horse thing, what happened with the horse a few years ago when I saw that?

I've been in therapy and everything about it, and that's why I'm calling you.

Good for you.

I've been in therapy because of it, and I'm calling because my therapist said I should talk to you

and get over this part of my life where I saw a man who made love to a horse like that.

Why did you do it, Ernie?

That's all I want to know is why did you do it.

He's gone.

I'll try him again.

And that is his voice.

That's him.

I listened to that prank last night.

That is his voice.

That's him.

This is weak this year, though.

Can I just give a shout-out to my man, Zughead, who's listening?

Zughead?

Yeah.

Represent.

Old friend of mine.

Hello.

Yeah, Ernie, come on, man.

Don't be an asshole.

Why'd you do it?

Do what?

The horse.

Why'd you touch the horse like that?

The horse didn't like it.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

Do you remember?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Do you remember me, that I called you two years ago?

No, not really.

I called you two years ago because you touched the horse in a bad way when I was at the House of Brutus.

I went to the House of Brutus where you used to work, at the House of Brutus.

Yes, you did.

You answered the phone, and you told me that you were the one that was masturbating a horse when I was there eating.

I saw you on the side of the place in the dark, and the horse was there tied up, and you were masturbating it.

And I saw you do this.

The next year I called you, you were working at Hooters.

So you know what the wilds were doing for the past year?

I was at the Hooters, and I saw you again.

And you saw me two years ago.

It's terrorizing me.

Think of me.

Imagine me.

Imagine how I feel after seeing what you did to that poor horse.

That poor fucking horse.

The missile knows where it is at all times.

It knows this because it knows where it isn't.

By subtracting where it is from where it isn't,

or where it isn't from where it is, whichever is greater,

it obtains a difference or deviation.

The guidance subsystem uses deviations to generate corrective commands

to drive the missile from a position where it is to a position where it isn't

and arriving at a position where it wasn't, it now is.

Consequently, the position where it is is now the position that it wasn't

and it follows that the position that it was is now the position that it isn't.

In the event that the position that it is in is not the position that it wasn't, the system has acquired a variation.

The variation being the difference between where the missile is and where it wasn't.

If variation is considered to be a significant factor, it too may be corrected by the GEA.

However, the missile must also know where it was.

The missile guidance computer scenario works as follows.

Because a variation has modified some of the information the missile has obtained,

it is not sure just where it is.

However, it is sure where it isn't, within reason, and it knows where it was.

It now subtracts where it should be from where it wasn't, or vice versa.

And by differentiating this from the algebraic sum of where it shouldn't be and where it was,

it is able to obtain the deviation and its variation, which is called error.

778-509.

You know what?

I hope that when you die,

they put your GPS in your box

and a trap door at the bottom.

So when you die,

you open that trap door at the bottom,

you check the GPS,

and you go straight down.

Ad House Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman

ever, ever

make you who you are.

Take the baseline out.

the dead's here turn your speakers down or whatever hey everybody it's carlito back on the air

with milkman

anniversary show baby we are getting live man you got a hell of a show going on here

yeah we're trying to get a little bit of everything here tonight i'm sorry for the

long break. KDK is still here with us.

I hope. Hey, man. Thanks for hanging on that long break.

Yes!

Repro the Frank World.

We're going to try to shoot for another half hour of this PCU

type-ish reunion that we're having right now.

I'm not hearing back from KDK. Maybe

he's doing BP.

Steven.

I'm sorry. Jesus Christ.

The Dead. I'm starting

to get there, man.

I'm starting to get a little loopy.

What happened to The Dead? He's still out there in the ocean

you laugh i heard he's back in the states he said he was in jersey his wife got accepted on a visa

um but uh he i just had him on and his shit was really super hissy let's try him again so yeah

congratulations to the dad on the fact that his dominican wife finally got a visa and i guess

she's able to come to the states i was wondering what was so hard everything i hear is about how

easy it is to get a visa these days and he's already married to the chick i don't know what

the the weight was okay good finally uh he's not connected so the dev was trying to get in he's had

a little audio trouble we'll hang on tight see if he joins us uh mr kdk maybe he's having a little

bit of problem with the intention pre-com right there right now so we'll get back to him in just

another minute or two perhaps kdk if you're here i still can't hear you if you can hear me please

check your mic thank you um we'll continue we got a ton of numbers here from big dwight

One in particular that should be right up KDK's alley.

I'm going to hold on to that and see if he comes back.

All right.

Oh, yeah.

That's a good number.

Yeah.

And being that I just played a bunch of recorded stuff with this,

let's do some live stuff real quick before we get back to the best of Madhouse,

the Madhouse decade.

We got somebody here who's trying to get rid of a cat.

They said, quote, unquote, somebody better get rid of this cat.

Okay.

Oh, no.

Better help out that cat.

Poor kitty.

Yeah, don't mess with cats, everybody.

Be nice to cats.

Crying out Corn Flakes.

For crying out Corn Flakes.

You have reached the voice mailbox of 86540.

Oops.

Sorry.

Let me try that again.

And also, don't forget, we need to get Prank Master on here.

He said he tried to get on.

What happened to Prank Master, man?

Did he come about?

Did we get a response from him?

A.K.A. Major Chaos.

Yes, sir.

Let's bring him out.

Bring the Atlanta.

I'm resending a contact request to him.

Prankmaster, if you're listening, be sure that you've added me to your contacts.

That's what happened with Zolar.

The account he wanted me to call him on did not have me added as a contact,

and he couldn't join.

Do we still have no KDK?

Mr. KDK?

We're still waiting on him.

Is he on Skype?

Is that where he's at?

Yeah, he's on Skype.

Yes, sir.

You know it.

He probably went and filled the pee jug up.

He'll be back.

I hope he's feeling it up nice.

Warm, nice, golden pee.

All right.

We're calling a Comcast

Complainer

This guy tweeted a complaint

To Comcast that he has a complaint

About a service he complained fully

So again we're running behind schedule

We're still about 25 minutes away from

Ending this segment

And going on to the

Grand PCN

Thing

We have a PCU reunion here that was in progress

But we lost everyone

You have reached the voicemail box of 6-1.

later yeah um checking on prank master also here i'm currently p.m come on p.m bring bring it out

bring it out come on man it wasn't here for the frame man so where's adam oil land oh he's

available you did solar pass on too man he's gone he was driving he was having i think he dropped

out and i haven't i'm gonna i'll try to add him at the end here you know try to get as many people

as i can he's always down okay i was driving too and i was catching hell but you know what man i'm

I'm glad I got to hear you guys.

I got you, buddy.

I got you.

Thank you.

So I like to cover here.

Prank Master says maybe later he'll join us.

Oh, well, Mr. Adam Erlander, join us if you can.

Right, yeah, right.

We only got a limited amount of time, so get to join us soon.

Okay.

So let me play this here.

Okay, okay.

At some point, we got, I played the raid already, that raid event that happened with me.

The manhouse gets raided by the Popo, and then...

Oh, yeah, the basketball shit.

You want to play that?

Yeah, well, we already played it.

I already played it, but you're not playing it, so I already played it.

But, you know, Brad finds me, we kind of become friends, and we start, not collaborating,

but, you know, talking about some projects and stuff.

And then we decide to join together.

Cactus, cactus.

Cactus.

Yeah.

That's where we got the cactus and the astus.

Yeah.

So, Brad.

Thank goodness for me at RBCP, man.

Thank you, man.

Yeah.

So, this audio is from the first show that we did during, well, with, which continues to this day, our alliance with Brad Carter and the PLA.

When we first were on Cacti Radio, someone took it upon themselves to create a Craigslist ad using my incoming phone number that I used to have.

And placed an ad that I had a Mustang that was wrecked that I was trying to get rid of for free.

And I added to that.

I started telling people, yeah, the Mustang is here.

I got out of it right before the train hit it and stuff.

I'm getting fined $100 a day.

Please come get rid of this.

So I had, at one point, about three or four tow trucks and shit,

people at this Denny's at the same time looking for a non-existent half-wrecked yellow Mustang.

Yeah, this is my favorite call from that where this guy's a tow truck driver

who was going to pick it up for free got upset

because he noticed that there were several other tow trucks there looking for it.

What is it with Madhouse and the tow trucks, man?

They just don't get along for whatever reason.

Well, here's that call.

It's a real quick one.

Let's listen to the Mustang Detective.

Yes, hello?

Yeah, I was just knowing where you're going.

There's a car here.

On the side, you should see the car.

The two wheels are on the side, and then the car is wrecked up.

It got hit by the train.

Okay, there's not one there.

Which place are you at?

Did you put in your Jeep?

At 7th Street.

2201 West Camelback Road.

Now, wait a minute now.

I said it was on Camelback.

Yeah, at 7th Street.

That was 2 North 7th.

We keep going down until you see you're in East Camelback.

i will say you keep going down so you get the west camelback not 40 seconds sir past night like 19th

19th okay there's no what's past 19th and what's camelback you won't forget forget it if you're

not going to be serious if you can't take the car just tell me you can't take the car

you understand who this is if you can't take the car just forget it forget it if you can't

take the car just stop wasting my time i am the tech forget i'm going to probably unless

okay that's nice i have someone else calling in for the car thank you sir no not thank you

He's like, no, this will be handled.

I cut that off on accident when I created that.

Look, Andy's going to be joining us here in just a second while I get that connected.

When we played that prank previously, Milkman, the one, well, the series of pranks to Ernie,

the same night that we did our first prank to Ernie, we found Bruno.

He was the guy that worked at the French Napoleon Hotel, something like that.

Oh, that's right, yeah.

Really funny guy.

There were a lot of calls to him.

Here's a really quick clip from that.

I wanted to make sure we brought that up.

Was he the guy that had the limo service, too?

No, no, Bruno didn't have it.

That was an older Bruno.

This Bruno here, no, no, he was just the clerk at the hotel that we bothered incessantly one Thanksgiving night.

Let's listen to that real quick, and I should be back with Andy here.

Any problems?

What of my, how do you say, my...

Listen, brother.

I mean, I'm just working here, so if you don't explain to me what's going on, I cannot help you.

If you're insulting me again, I will definitely not help you, sir.

Blame me from the beginning to the end for insulting me.

I will try to help you, sir.

Okay?

Okay.

All right.

I'm sorry.

So what I need now, I need your name and the date you...

That's all I kept from that because it's a lot of the same stuff over and over again.

But those Thanksgiving shows are all great.

If you're looking to find what I consider the best shows that we have,

every single Thanksgiving show that we've done here has been gangbusters.

so definitely check those out on the prank archive hola it's over at madhouse live.com

andy what's up man hey i gotta turn this down a lot oh okay all right all right yeah turn on your

radio wait i can't figure it out it's all right well i can't hear it but it's probably bothering

you how you been man good yeah your friend milkman's here remember milkman your old

Oh, my goodness.

There he is.

Hey, what's up, Bill, man?

How you doing, buddy?

Hey, Andy.

How you doing, brother?

It's so good to hear your voice, man.

How you been, big man?

Don't lie to me, Bill.

They do hate me.

Admit it.

I still love you, brother.

You're like my left nut, dude.

I can't be your other half without the right nut, right?

Man, what a pair we make.

Whatever that's supposed to be.

Well, here's the thing about it.

Carlos is a swinging dick.

You're the left nut on the right nut

I don't understand that at all

You were crying earlier

I was very upset at you

You were crying

I was like

Why is he

I even

I sent Carlito a

A message on Facebook

I said

Hold on

Let me quote myself exactly

Mm-hmm

Um

Okay I'm actually doing a bit

I want to prove first

That I was earlier

Milkman has become

An even bigger little bitch

Because you were crying

And I was upset at you crying

Yeah

I didn't like it

Andy was always really good

At getting Milkman to

You know

Act like a man

like the godfather you know like yeah you should act like a man and slap him yeah yeah he definitely

should act like a man he's all right he's like 500 pounds he should be a man man so i won't cry

no more i promise you brother no man if he can't keep you on the show because he wants to make a

phone call you don't cry about it it's not right i won't cry man i won't i'll just punch him in

in the nads

whenever no one's

looking that's all

don't do that

don't punch anyone

in the nads

I meant to save it

for now

but I already

played the

donut guy

remember

the fuck you

bitch

motherfucker

yeah

the only guy

you ever prank

called on the show

you were my guest

I didn't really

prank call

I jumped in

to defend you

at one point

if I remember

correctly

pretty much

you're right

you used to

really like

jumping in

on Sam

too

yeah

I thought

he was being

too aggressive

and mean

so I said

hey

I can't prank call because I laugh

I laugh uncontrollably

I have no governor

which is a very important thing to prank call

you have to be able to not laugh

or else you ruin it

I can't do that

when we lived in that apartment together

when we were in college and we would do calls

I remember you would always be the one to laugh

I would laugh

you would always laugh

I would laugh

I was useless, I would just laugh

I used to call us cross back then

and that's when I started the Cross thing, and now I still use it.

Yeah, that's a great character.

I like Cross, and I like Eddie.

Eddie, you like Eddie Garcia?

I'm retired.

I got tired of that.

Oh, I love Eddie Garcia because I know who Eddie Garcia is.

Yeah, that's right.

The original Eddie Garcia.

Yo, what if the Matrix was real, son?

Yo, what if you died right now?

What if it was real?

What if, man, what if machines could control every part of our lives?

Like, I was there when he said that, so it was great, you know?

I mean, I wasn't even there.

Maybe you just told me about it.

I felt like I was there because I knew the guy.

Yeah, he did a few of those stories.

Like, he was telling us about Tom Green when Tom Green was first coming.

I was like, yo, this guy Tom Green is funny.

He's got a microphone.

He asks people stuff.

I'm like, wow, that's great, Eddie.

Yeah, that's awesome.

Sometimes he says shit, and I just laugh and laugh.

It's awesome.

Laugh and laugh.

Now, you remember that time you fell down drunk in the kitchen,

and we had to lay you down on the couch?

Athena and me

I don't know

did I

I'm sure it's true

but I don't remember

yeah

we used to drink

a lot of beers

and you went

yeah

I took a break

and you fell down

in the kitchen

I felt so bad

I thought you hurt

your little head

and we

I remember one time

I went

and I went to

your bathroom

and there was

there was a bowl

on the other side

of the toilet bowl

and I peed it off

and I announced it

on the air

and you got upset

yeah that was

yeah that was real helpful

you also would go through

my medicine cabinets

looking for stuff

all the time

I hated that

Well, yeah, if you have good pain pills that you're not taking, I need to take those from you in case children would find them.

No, I was taking them.

You just helped yourself.

You're like, yeah, I took half the Flexerol.

I can't take the risk.

I'm very concerned about children, so I took them.

Yeah.

But you told me you would take them and just float in the pool for an hour and get a sunset.

I'm like, cool.

Well, I had, back then, now I don't do any drugs anymore.

I'm anti-drug.

Now I just drink.

Of course.

But back then, I would have somas, and I would take a handful, like 10, and then I would

float, and then I would just float in the pool, like a big fat pleasure, like crack.

I would just float back.

Yeah.

Sounds fun, but weren't you scared of drowning like Will Shatner's wife did?

No, because I float.

You and I both float.

We're the size that we're floatable.

The fat float, everybody knows that.

Of course.

It's a common knowledge.

knowledge yeah there's no yeah there's no excuse for us to drown really there isn't unless there's

a current because we get tired and we go to the bottom of course right yeah we get sucked out and

then like you know a nurse shark will see me and be like you know that's that's an easy pickings

right there drag me down eat me up awesome man um did you have any remember any shit that we

should do stupid i mean you you know a lot about me like embarrassing shit about me uh right yeah

like i we lived in an apartment together for two years i don't think i ever once ran the

dishwasher um no you were disgusting i was a real asshole like i would use your pans all the time

and i leave them dirty in the sink and just wait for them to get clean and i use them again yeah

i was a little you know you used to like you used to sleep on your bed and you would throw your

chains on your bed and it would stick to your immense body and then you would take a shower

and all the all the coins would wash off of you and i would take them yeah i would throw them in

at the store

I'd throw them

in the change machine

yeah

well my room itself

is a change

everywhere

I always had change

on the floor

I just threw my change

on the ground

and that was before

I knew you

before you knew

you had diabetes

yeah

because I would

I would wake up

in the morning

and you'd be passed

out on the couch

in your work uniform

and a two liter

half drink

and you'd be asleep

yeah I would drink

an entire two liter

like I remember

when we saw

the Seinfeld finale

I drank an entire

two liter

or coke and that during that whole thing and i was like i'm always thirsty and mike mike

it was like you're fucking diabetic dude like you're always peeing and you're three

and you used to tell people that took extremely long pisses all the time i'm like dude don't say

that you did yeah we can hear you because you said i can hear you in there take a loud loud

it was like it was like when when when the uh when brian denny he captured rambo and and he put him

in the cage and the other guys are spraying him with the hose that's what it sounded like

uh all right yeah yeah that's that's what did it right didn't he freak out at that point when

they were doing the hosting right because he was upset he was like all right well i'm a prisoner

but you need to allow me to have my dignity yeah and uh they sprayed it with a hose and then um

like a fire franco so he was like hey we should stop but everybody else was like you know what

fuck rambo you know he's we don't like him he's he's dirty and we're gonna spray him with the

And Brian Cruz, though, he's like, I don't like this.

Yeah.

But he didn't overcome everybody else's bias against Rambo.

Yeah, that's cool.

I watched that the other day, so I know.

I remember it.

Yeah, so everything's, I presume you're doing good.

You sound like you're doing good.

You've got a kid on the way.

You're married.

Andy, I never thought you'd get married.

I didn't think so either.

Well, I'm not sure.

He's married?

You're married?

I didn't know that, Andy.

Yeah, well, Carlos is going to tell you that.

Oh, Carlito, sorry.

Yeah.

Carlitos isn't going to tell you anything, Milkman.

He doesn't really like you.

You're married and your wife's going to have Carlitos' kid.

I had no idea.

Hey, hey, hey, Milkman.

All right, don't mind.

Think about it like this.

I'm just joking.

Think about it like this.

Carlitos has been married for, like, what, eight years or something like that?

Five years.

How many children does he have?

Zero.

All right, and I've been married for less than one year, and I have one on the way.

But look at the last three, four years of my life, dude.

It's been tragic after tragedy.

Well, hell, this guy can't get out of the hospital bed long enough to do anything, man.

Yeah, well, is that my fault?

Like, did I do that?

No.

I'm innocent.

You're blessed with genes that just keep you out of the hospital right now.

It's the one blessing of genes.

I'm hard to hurt.

Everything else is bad.

I'm not that smart.

I'm fat.

Well, I'm very handsome, but other than that, yeah, it's a horrible gene.

Yeah, well, congratulations.

I have shitting problems.

okay congratulations i don't want to get into that but there are shitting problems that's all

right you can get those fixed up congratulations on the kid on the way in the marriage of course

i hope to meet your wife and your kid i hope to be able to yeah well you should come i'm inviting

you to chicago but not milkman he's not welcome here no we don't want him there either dude yeah

but there's no luau there's no samoan stay away yeah not trusted uh now and another thing i wanted

wanted to bring up is a lot of my radio stuff and print calling stuff uh the click that we had

if you want to call it that in high school we kind of listened to howard stern and and local

orlando shock talk radio uh that was basically like one of the things we kind of bonded on and

that that little group of ours between me you and mike and that other

kid, Jeremy, right?

He never moved out with us.

Yeah, he doesn't count.

He was never part of the group.

Go ahead.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, but we came up listening to Howard Stern a lot and all that stuff, you know,

and then that's where it kind of got.

Well, we used to always say we're going to do a radio show.

Remember when we used to say we're going to do a radio show one day?

Right.

Yeah, and it was going to be you and our other roommate, and I was always like,

and, you know, Carlito can come too, kind of.

That was kind of the situation.

Like when we moved out.

He was the most successful of us all.

Yeah, well, not really.

I don't know.

You could say that.

Radio-wise, yeah, sure, I guess you could say that.

Yeah, radio-wise, you have hundreds, no, tens of followers.

that's tens of powers

more than either I or Mike has

I have none

I don't think Mike has any

you know Sean Hummel, you remember that cat

he was on a podcast

I didn't listen to it but I'm sure it sucked

yeah it sucked

it was him talking about wrestling of course

wrestling sucks

if you watch wrestling and you're over 14

you suck

just to let you know

so yeah man

Do you have anything you remember from the Madhouse history while I got you on?

My very first show, and I'm sure it was probably the worst show in the history.

With the rappers.

With the Madhouse.

With the white rappers, yeah.

Yeah, Milkman hated that show so much.

That's one time I grew up with Milkman.

The white rappers were terrible.

I hated them.

I think they had full cuts.

They had full cut hairdos.

Those dudes right there, that was one of the best shows you guys ever did, man.

And I always wanted to hear that one again.

Yeah, well, it was probably funny because you could probably hear the loathing in Carlito and I's voices when we were talking about this.

And then we would say, okay, white rappers, you can perform now.

And they were awful.

And it was obvious that they were awful.

And everybody knew that they were awful except for them.

It was pitiful, dude.

But it was funny.

Really, that's probably something you should put up on the podcast stream.

Put that out there, the white rappers.

I still have a copy of it, but it's still been officially off the podcast stream.

I should bring that back as a...

Dude, bring it for a special 10th anniversary release, dude.

Bring this one out, dude, because this is one I've requested since the show aired.

I've never got to hear it since the show aired, dude.

I've never heard it.

I was there, but I've never heard it, and I'm sure it's awful.

Like, it's probably so awful that it's probably fun to listen to.

It was funny, but the guys, they got all thinking they were better than they really were.

They thought they were better than anybody thought they were.

That's the whole thing.

They loved themselves more than anybody else.

I'm sure, like, deep down, they knew they were awful because they were awful.

They had to know.

I don't know what they were sticking to.

Yeah, I mean, it was that one kid, the young one, that thought he was a good rapper.

I mean, he was, I don't know.

He was just weird.

It was like a little fat guy with a bowl cut.

That's the only one I remember.

Yeah, that kid Chris, yeah.

Yeah, he was the brother.

Yeah, so that's my thing.

You should put that up there.

I would like to listen to that.

I'm sure it's awful, but I want to hear it.

All right, I'll dig that up.

Maybe I'll play that.

All right, tell me when you put it up.

I won't check.

Melvin, what are you doing?

What the fuck is that noise?

What are you doing, Melvin?

Are you making cookies?

He's churning butter.

I just made a whole prank plate of brownies, dude.

Man, I got the bong loaded right here, man.

I made a big plate of brownies.

Drug talk.

Get you out some milk.

Whatever, cool guy.

All right, Andy, they're definitely going to have to come out and see you, man.

I know I've been saying that for years now.

Something always comes up.

I'm going to get out there.

I know you're afraid of going downtown and stuff like that, probably.

Are you in Illinois, Andy?

I'm in the Chicago area.

I'm in the suburbs.

Oh, okay.

I go downtown when they pay me.

That's about it.

All right, cool.

Cool.

One of these days, I'm supposed to come out there and meet up with the dead,

so I may need somebody to help me protect me from them.

The dead used to send me messages on, I think it was on MySpace or Facebook.

He sent me a message.

When are we going to hang out, son?

Hey, you don't...

Because I don't live far from him.

It's probably like a 30-minute drive.

Hey, you and somebody want to hang out?

And I never did because I'm terrified of him.

He's a frightening little guy.

But I don't think he lives around here anymore, right?

No, he's coming back.

I know he was in the Dominican Republic for a while.

He was with the prostitute down there.

This is what Carlito told me.

These are probably horrible things to say about him.

No, it's true.

But I heard he was with the prostitute.

I'm supposed to come out and visit him.

I may need to come and hide with you, Andy, man, because it's scary.

He was going to move in with Milkman.

You should be scared of him.

Well, he got a bachelor's degree, and he seemed to be on the right track,

and then he went on vacation.

Yeah, who believes that?

Yeah, you're right.

He's fucking frightened.

That guy was frightened.

Hey, Milkman, why don't you come and visit me?

What are you going to do?

Are you going to go drink with him?

You know who he talked about?

Remember Ralphie in high school?

He always loved the dead.

Yeah, you always do the best impersonation.

I like him way more than I like you,

but I'm not going to hang out with either one of you.

Don't be a stick in the mud.

I'll leave the dead alone,

and then I'll come over there.

I'm not going to let you in either.

You're out, little man. You're completely out.

Only I'm allowed to.

You're fucking boring.

You haven't even met me yet.

How can you decide?

I may be the funniest one in the whole group.

You'd be surprised.

You'd be crying, baby. I can tell.

Andy, do I got you for a few more minutes,

or you got to get going?

I don't want to take up.

I got to pee in a few minutes.

Two minutes.

You got you for two minutes?

Okay.

All right.

Yeah.

What other questions do you have?

I think now, I know Cap passed away.

Your dog, rest in peace.

Yeah, Cap, the mortal Cap.

Yeah.

I buried him in the woods.

You buried him in the woods?

Is that what you did?

Yeah, that's right.

I put a rock in his beard.

You did mark it.

Okay, that's good.

That's good.

What is that noise?

Is Milkman playing the guitar?

Yeah, Milkman's playing the guitar.

He thinks it's cool, Mr. Guitar.

Why don't you let him do that?

I don't forget why you left shit on your show by making noise in the background out there.

Yeah, I know.

You're a fucking retard.

Yeah.

Milkman, you hear that?

You see this?

Shut the fuck up, though, man.

All right, okay, I'll mute it, too.

I mean, you know, man, you understand that, like, people are trying to hear other people

talk, and you're over there, and you're like, oh, I'm going to play my guitar, and it's

da-ding, da-ding.

I didn't think you could hear the guitar, right?

I didn't think you could hear anything, right?

We can hear you.

Of course, you're playing the guitar, Milkman.

No, we can't.

We were playing the guitar.

I thought it was a solid guitar.

Okay.

I just got out of the shop like 20 minutes ago, man,

so I just wanted to take a look at it.

And that's a lie, because you've been on here for longer than 20 minutes.

No, I didn't.

Remember whenever I, well, you wasn't here, Andy.

I got separated from the group.

That's why I got separated.

And what, you went to the guitar shop to pick up your guitar?

Yeah, I had to pick up the guitar on the way home.

He called and it was finished.

The guitar shop is 20 minutes from your house.

No, it's further than that.

It's further than that.

Yeah, you're lying.

What did they do to it?

Did they restring it or something?

Yeah, actually, he redone the whole neck.

He put all the frets and redressed all the frets.

And then he put a whole new set of third-course strings on here.

So it's perfectly intonated now.

Perfect.

Nice.

What kind is it?

Now you gotta learn how to play it.

Yeah.

Are you still there, Andy?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

We're calling someone.

someone dude it's actually letting me do more than one call i'll just listen if i say anything

i'll laugh yeah i know i can't help myself your call has been forwarded to an automatic that was

something else for sale unfortunately they didn't pick up do i still have you guys here

best phone call ever oh there we go you thought i lost you guys um let me play this here real

quick this is called heat wave um i was calling the uk and i was they were in the middle of a

heat wave and i was calling to give advance warning from the united kingdom heat wave

association machine something like that um you make that up like is there really

oh no no we've made up the royal services here we now we've come up with a bunch of

yeah but see that's why you're so great because you make up stuff like that i just assume it's

real yeah like there probably is the united kingdom heat wave association because most

people in britain they're not used to the heat yeah yeah but uh i told this guy be careful

hydrate because you're gonna get in trouble you're gonna get fucked and raped so i'm peeing

can you hear me pete yeah see we can hear you yeah hold on we couldn't hear kdk before kdk

you're back you're still connected kdk all right kdk still connected he was he hasn't been talking

so i dropped him to see if maybe he'll call back if he's he's coming back oh maybe he fell asleep

maybe anyway let me play heat wave real quick i'll be right back

chickens just do all the all the chores talk you talk yes hello yes did you prepare yourself

with proper hydration,

milks and cookies and waters?

This is a wind-up, yes?

Listen, I need confirmation

that you're prepared for the heat, please.

Yes, I am.

We're going to have to send someone over

to check your temperature, okay?

Now, do you have white-colored

or light-colored clothes

you're going to be wearing?

What are you talking about?

You need...

Don't go outside in the heat.

It's dangerous.

You could die out there.

You could fall on your back

and not be able to stand back up,

and no one would know,

and someone could come by

and kill and rape you.

You wouldn't even know about it.

They could take pictures of you

and jeans and a t-shirt.

Right.

Well, you know what?

I'm going to get work today.

I'm going to be surrounded by people.

I really think if I fall over

and somebody fucks me up the ass,

they might notice.

Uh-huh.

I was supposed to understand what that meant.

I don't know.

I'm American.

I don't understand your accent,

your stupid, disgusting accent.

Hello.

I'm going to be fine, all right?

I'm going to be surrounded by people.

I'm not going to fall over.

I'm not going to get raped.

Don't call back.

i'm so worried about you please i'm putting you down as hey all right that's not getting how not

to get raped in the united kingdom yeah um andy you still with us you're still peeing i'm still

here i'm done peeing oh good good work good work i got like when i realized that you could hear me

peeing i pulled my phone i smashed it against myself so you couldn't hear oh good idea just

to cover okay good hey i'm a good guy yeah this used to do pranks though like remember when i

We used to call that radio station, Real Radio 104.1,

and you always had that line you would say that you were Pork and Bubba's wife.

Bubba Wilson was one of the guys on there.

You got a few of those, and you used to record those with us on the tape.

I don't know.

Did we record those?

Yeah.

I can hear myself in echo.

It's bothering me.

Oh, I'll turn that down.

That should be better.

Get rid of that.

All right.

I did.

I'm sorry.

But, yeah, Pork and Bubba's wife, you had a few of those.

You would call into the show and say.

The greatest call I ever made, though, and it was your dear departed mother.

I used a recording of her, and she called the apartment.

She hadn't heard from you in like four hours, and she was worried that you were dead.

And I took that phone call, and I left a message, that phone call, on my stepfather's work phone.

He worked at like a mental health agency, and then chaos ensued.

That was my best call ever.

You said there was chaos.

They were trying to figure out who it was that was calling in.

Yeah, because it came in.

We did it on a Saturday night, and then someone checked it Sunday morning.

They couldn't figure it out.

They were calling Ken, and he was all freaked out.

I don't know who it is.

So can you still do the imitation of my mom, rest her soul?

Oh, yeah.

Well, I really live with your mom, so I'm still going to echo it.

Follow me.

I'm trying.

I'm sorry.

You have to fix that.

Why can't you fix that?

I can.

Yeah, it's just a piece of shit show.

Is it ready?

Yeah, yeah.

It's pretty good.

I heard Carly, Nicolo.

It's the phone message you hear all the time.

Yeah.

Carly, Nicolo.

It's been two hours.

I haven't heard from you in a while.

It's been pretty much that.

It was good.

We enjoyed those calls.

It's just so good.

It's a magic candle.

It's not like girls were calling and they were taking our brand.

machine space yeah that was our that was our entertainment back then yeah yeah that's true

yeah and i worked at albertson's what job you delivered albertson's liquor store yeah and your

diabetes would cause you cause you to pass out and you couldn't open it up at 9 a.m and the

drunks would get upset yeah i would get in trouble at work because i was i showed up an hour late for

work because i passed out look there's fucking 20 hardcore alcoholics who are lined up outside

at a liquor store

in Auburn

at $8.55

and you weren't

showing up

until 10

and they were

fucking pissed

on a Sunday

and they were

fucking pissed

yeah it was

fucking bullshit

anyway

no one's buying

alcohol early

in the morning

on a Sunday

anyway

I remember

for a fact

well let's agree

that we don't

miss Florida

right

you keep

Florida

I eat

Florida

we're never

going back

there

I don't know

man after what

happened with me

with this ankle

breakage

I'm kind of

missing some

Florida

well that's

because you

don't know

how to walk

on that

I don't

no you're

right I don't

And I wonder what kind of shoes you had on.

Do you have on good shoes?

Yes.

Heavy tread on it for the winter?

I had Clark's Wallabies on.

Brand new Clark's Wallabies on.

I don't even know what that is.

That sounds like some kind of rich man's shoes.

Uh, they're over a hundred.

I mean, they're like a boot.

Yeah, you fucking...

They're like the Air Jordan boots.

Rich people don't walk on ice.

They have their slaves laid out on the ice and they walk over their back.

You know what I had on, too, was those spikes that you put over your shoe.

I had those on and I still slipped and fell.

Yeah.

if you had those on you wouldn't have fallen

I did, I straight up had the spikes on

I did, I'm telling you

that's how bad I am

I fall once at least every winter

and in my job right now

I crawl up on the roof

I fall all the time

I've never broken a bone, I'm fucking powerful

I'm glad you know that

you hurt your wrist

you went up to Pittsburgh, the first time it snowed

you fell and you broke your leg

and now your health is on fire

I'm blind in one eye

Are you blind in one eye?

Yeah, I really am blind in my right eye

Which eye?

My right eye

You remember my dad had a glass right eye

Also, it's like a curse

Yeah, it's a curse on my family

Do you have a glass eye?

No

It's there, it moves around and everything

It's got like a cataract

Like a pucker that developed

Oh, is it like a middle teeth?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

It looks milky.

Like, my vision looks milky, but if you look at it, it looks normal.

But I can get a laser surgery done to correct it.

I just haven't gotten one.

Why don't you get that?

I will.

Why would you not get that?

I will, and the main reason right now, to be honest, is, like, I went to see the new Terminator movie, and it was in 3D, and I couldn't enjoy it because I can't see 3D because I only have 3D.

Are you allowed to drive?

With glasses.

I'm right at the bottom end of being able to drive, yeah.

Yeah, because my vision on my left eye also is very poor.

I'm probably going to be blind by the, you know, in my 60s.

That's not good.

You know, hey, here's the bright side.

I think I'm going to change the silicon fluid in your eyes, dude.

Shut the fuck up, though, man.

I'm going to tell them what the bright side is, you fucking idiot.

Yes, they've taken that out.

The bright side is you don't need to see to make great phone calls.

You just need someone to put the phone numbers in for you.

And the scene will do that.

Yeah, or in the future I can use Siri.

Yeah, you can fucking just stay.

Call, you know, whatever, whatever, and you're fucking set.

Yeah, totally.

So when you're on disability and you weigh 400 pounds, you can do this.

This will be my thing.

I'll make this little bit of money on the side.

Yeah, totally.

And I'll have a handicapped parking space.

You're not making money off this, really?

You're not making money.

We've got a Patreon.

It pays for itself.

I no longer lose money on this.

And we bank.

Oh, that's a shock.

I'm shocked.

Yeah, and I bank a little bit of money here and there.

and, you know, we upgrade stuff to the site.

We upgrade hardware.

I help out the hosts if they need help.

I'm trying to do more for the hosts in the next few years.

That's good. I like that.

Yeah.

All right, Andy, I got it.

Remember when I used to send you the free credits

to the Poets.net line numbers?

Yeah, and those were two really good ones.

Like, there were always dominatrixes that I'd talk to

and I'd try to turn it around on them.

They're not going to hang up.

They're getting paid.

Yeah, one of them I said I wanted to jerk off

in a plane. No, no, I wanted to have sex

in a plane that was crashing.

Like, while it was crashing. She's like, you got

problems.

Well, I don't have problems.

Like, that's kind of normal. I've heard way

worse. Or I said I wanted her to ride

me inside of the Burning Movie Theater.

She's like, uh, yeah.

My God.

It was a

black train. Some broad

in the chat gave me

the dead's phone number, so you gotta call him.

The dead's cell phone number? I'll hang up so you can call

him. I'm gonna listen to that.

okay all right is tdk still hooked up to us connected uh no not at this time no i will try

to get him on here why don't you try calling his house number or calling that cell phone number

and find out you know if he's still alive or you know if we're done or what we'll work on it look

i need to end this segment andy thanks why are you so fucking bossy i know right he's mr bossy

you're gonna come over here after what like 10 years you're gonna start telling me what i

I need to be in there.

Hey, Andy still has some.

I'm trying to help out over here.

I guess you and I are going to have to have a talk, man.

Andy is still.

I want to hear me out.

I want to take it to the other room, man.

Andy is still employee number two.

He's still employee number 002 here.

Yeah.

I'm number one.

Yeah.

Well, I'm number one, but Andy is still.

I'm number two there.

Yeah, 002.

Milkman, you still have 003 on your file.

I'm 1A.

I'm 1A, biatch.

Yeah, so you need to, I mean.

What?

Oh, my ass.

No, but seriously, look, this has been awesome

Andy Milkman and you two together

as we do a show

I've missed this for years now

So Andy, make sure you come back around

every once in a while, alright?

I probably won't, but I'll try

You probably won't, yeah

I'm going to make fun of you every night

if you don't come back

Why do you talk over everyone?

I'm going to make fun of you every night

until you come back

I'll throw a dog and then he'll talk.

Oh, he didn't do it that time.

Sounds like an asshole.

Yeah, call the dead.

I want to hear that and then I'm going to go to sleep.

I have to work.

Most people who listen to Madhouse Live don't work.

Milkman doesn't work.

I don't know if you work anymore, Carlito.

No.

I'm sure you don't.

Look, I work, dude.

We got Madhouse.

We got live, dude.

We got so much going.

If I were to hear someone put Love, Andy.

Who did that?

Is it a chick?

listen so you got the number are you passing it on to me the dead cell phone number what's going on

andy some broad some broad emmy rose she says she sent it to you okay so i got it all right so then

i'll i'll thank you again andy don't be a stranger good luck to you uh with the baby machine and i'll

talk to you soon man i hope to see you soon okay all right bro thanks for being all right fuck you

milkman shut the fuck up bye everybody thanks good good here you get it andy man i missed you

You brought us here to take care of yourself.

You don't know if I should have said that.

All right, let's get the dead on air.

He's still a bitch.

You know what?

I'm going to call the dead on his cell phone, but we're going to end this segment.

It's 9.30.

We were supposed to end this segment a half hour ago.

Are we supposed to try to catch KDK one more time?

When I come back, we will.

When we come back, we're going to have as many of our friends on, including the dead.

I hope maybe KDK can join us.

Sure.

so i want to thank everyone who's tuned in so far we're in the last quarter the last four part

number four the last part of tonight's uh extravaganza uh coming up next i'm inviting

all of our pcn friends to join us as well as anyone else really who has us on skype all our

friends uh join up with us maybe master will be joining us that'll be cool excited about that

All right.

Yeah.

What happened to Ted Webb?

Ted Webb just checked in.

Will checked in.

He said, what's up?

He didn't feel like being on.

He didn't feel up for it.

I don't think he's doing well.

Oh, okay.

But he did say, what's up, on Messenger here at the beginning of all this.

Ted Webb.

All right, well.

Ted Webb was calling me just a second ago.

So I'm going to bring in Ted Webb and the dead as soon as we come back,

as well as hopefully a lot more people.

this is the madhouse 10 year anniversary show we're on the home stretch and i'll be right back

in a few uh while we're out we are going to be playing uh the best of michelle the best of

michelle michelle clevenger are one of the craziest people on twitter one of the most

hilarious people that we found here uh since the network started michelle so i'll be playing a nice

nice little best of of her and I'll be right back.

Madhouse 10 Year Anniversary Part 3 of 4

Calls (34, 1 h 5 min of 2 h 52 min)

Transcript

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