Sekusu Roboto

You're listening to Madhouse Live.

I'm the largest prank call station in the nation.

Prank call nation.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the main event of the evening.

On mute, it's so funny

Thanks for asking, man

Wow, the words in the air

Manito is fecking bigger forces than ever before

I'm looking forward to the adventure you got for us here

Big fucking adventure, I can't wait either, man

I can't wait so bad

Let's call for a guitar

Let's get a guitar

You should jump in, because you're a guitar aficionado

I can do that

out esteban wouldn't like me to do a solo but you know we could do that you want well it's first

call tonight i have to you play the guitar right man that's what happened ask me all right we got

someone selling hey yeah hi you got some guitar and that does have the case what kind of case is

that honey we don't know what time what do you mean big case it's a big case it don't has a name

it don't have a name on it did it come with the guitar or did it just did you buy it separately

Yeah, it comes with a guitar.

So it's probably a house brand, right?

That's what they call it, a house brand.

A house brand, motherfucker.

Oh, how come your uncle isn't speaking?

Is he Hispanic?

Does he not speak English or something?

Oh, he's eating?

Oh, what are you guys eating?

Yeah.

Can I come by and see the guitar tonight?

Come on.

Tomorrow, I'll get out.

Do what now?

What time?

You might be able to go.

You're breaking up, motherfucker.

Come on.

Will you say I can come tomorrow?

Maybe.

Maybe?

Um, all right.

Can the B...

Oh, um, there's my uncle.

All right, hurry up.

Hey, your niece is a fucking bitch.

She's a bitch.

Their phone sucks.

They got rollback coverage where they are.

Shit is breaking up, Milkman.

I know she's breaking up.

Let me try to call back.

Maybe they got a better cell.

Probably won't even pick up now.

Shit.

Yeah, tell them you couldn't hear them.

We got off on the bad.

Man, shit.

Yeah, they're not.

I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong here.

We've got to get a better first prank of the night before I start talking about stuff, right?

This is Gary with Creative Landscapes. I'm sorry I missed your call.

Well, you get the idea. This is Madhouse Radio Prank Call Show.

My main website is madhouselive.com.

That is the site that I've been running for over 10 years and the show as well.

madhouse live.com if this is your first time listening head over there and make sure you're

subscribed to my to the podcast it's right there my podcast um we got a lot of links there yahoo

uh yeah what here's that's all right you can even use scooby s2 find on the youtube

this guy right here got going on yeah there's links to facebook uh you know you can reach me

You can always get a hold of me.

You can also be sure to go to the main site, though.

The one big fucking motherfucker site is PrankCallNation.com.

You can hear my show there, of course, and a whole bunch of others that we just had a show on earlier.

Jebediah and Prudence were just doing a pre-show.

Right, Madhouse Live, bitches.

We are all over this place.

Prank Call Nation.

PCN's running things.

Why'd you say Madhouse Live, silly boy?

yeah prank call nation running thing sure yeah that's what we're doing but hey yeah you know

go over there check out podcasts and stuff we got a whole bunch of shows and stuff you can

subscribe to and listen to live we got shows every night as i said um real quick news if you're

looking to join the fantasy football team fantasy football league rather we got a second one opening

up this season because we we have our regular one that we've been running for like a good five six

six years now, I think.

That one's pretty much full.

The same 12 of us have been pretty much playing it all this time,

and none of us wants to give up a spot.

And Lama wanted to join this year.

Lama wanted to play fantasy football.

We don't have room for him, so me and Dwight decided to start a second league.

We're looking at a total between 8 and 12 players.

bears it has to be an even number but we're looking for between 8 and 12 right now i i i think we have

six total so we have we need to fill two more openings on that fantasy football league uh in

order to uh make it happen we have a total of six available slots if anyone wants to join but keep

in mind it has to be an even number so if we end up with like seven uh the latest guy to join is

It's going to have to sit out.

Anyway, what I'm trying to get is that send me an email at madhouseradio at gmail.com.

That's madhouseradio at gmail.com.

And put fantasy football in the subject line, and I'll send you the invite.

We're playing on ESPN, so preferably you should have an ESPN online account.

count uh we're not we've been using espn for our league all this time and there's no need for us to

jump around hey from what i understand espn has the best fantasy football setup out of the i think

there's only like four major ones now well yeah i think it's more than that there's yahoo i think

does it yahoo cbs you got a free one to give to somebody just in case you bring somebody at the

the last minute bro oh boy all right we just got another i guess got another email so we need to

fill one more spot we can make that happen all right there's my last spot is available so use

it wisely whoever the lucky person is yeah lucky lucky hey jen was calling let me make sure i get

jen connected here jenny oh i didn't want to connect him in the middle of my fantasy football

Paul Spiel, because he's going to be like...

Hey, Jim! What's up, motherfucker?

What's up, man?

Gino Stewart in the house.

Gino Stewart, so how's it going?

Yeah, bitches. How you doing, man?

You good tonight? Today?

Yeah, I'm good, man. I'm fucking good.

So are you up for the day, or are you

staying up late right now?

Kind of both. I don't really

know anymore.

I work so much now at the moment.

It's like, that's crazy.

I just thought I'd get hired tonight

night and just you know there you go good good that's nothing wrong with the working man in the

house baby it looks like holiday tomorrow anyway or today whatever someone else is joining the

fantasy football someone else sent an email so we got one spot left that we need to fill in order

to make it happen and it's yeah llama well i got another one but it's llama llama wants well thank

you for letting me know that llama wants in uh yeah we knew that already so we need one someone's

uh jen let's do some pranks man i was just taking care of you know the beginning kind of thing

fuck yeah you know how i do you want some hay i want some hay hey do you have hay over there

do you guys do yeah yeah you're talking about the dry grass right yeah hey yeah okay yeah sure you

guys call it something else there like dry grass is that what you call it no no we just call it

hay i just didn't know what you're talking about because you know it could be something else

fucking americans have so many different words for so many different things it's like what the

the fuck you're talking about like african-american what the fuck is that like african-american what's

that supposed to mean that doesn't make any sense african-american oh an electric hospital bed with

a new mattress i like hay yeah i've got an idea your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice

message try them back i always give them a second chance give them a second chance and then you know

i should adjust my caller id i always remember that hello yes yes do you have the hay yeah

Yeah, how much you got there?

I've got a hundred bales.

You've got a hundred bales. How big is a bale?

They're big. They're just about one and a half bales, to tell you the truth. They're big bales.

Is that right? Is that right?

Yeah.

Well, I'm looking to feed my pony. You know, I got pony pony.

Yeah.

But I've not, it's a new pony, so I don't, it's my little pony, so I didn't get, you know, it's new, I don't know, it doesn't eat much.

And so just I wonder, you know, maybe I can give it like a bale of hay, maybe it will eat that.

Well, I don't think so.

What are you saying? Get it out. What are you saying?

Yeah, I don't think so.

I don't understand what you're talking about. What do you say? Can you say that in English properly, please?

you speak speak like properly you know who he sounds like milkman he sounds like milkman

remember the charlie patton the guy that we got him to put the phone in the tub he sounds just

like

fuck's sake i had a my little pony you know i was gonna do like the doll i have a doll i'm

trying to feed the doll yeah you gotta feed the doll i'm calling him back oh yeah very well now

now it's about his fucking he can't talk probably

Yeah, he's not having it

Um, okay, let's continue

What do you got?

What do you got there?

Back to my list

Um

Electric hospital bed, that's right, we didn't get to it yet

Here we go, electric hospital bed

Ah, it sounds good, oh, it just could be a sexual thing

Of course, bed, right, it has a new mattress

Let me start this

Okay, you want to start it

Fucking awesome music

Thank you.

This is Bad, Bad, Not Good, a collaboration album with my favorite rapper, Ghostface Killa.

The album is called Sour Soul.

It came out in February, and I finally picked it up.

You have reached the voice mailbox of...

Steven Smear.

Let me just put this in Spotify.

What did you say it was called?

One word, no spaces.

Bad, Bad, Not Good.

Got it.

Really good group.

They got some good music.

And then this album is Sour Soul.

It's a collab they did with Ghostface Killa.

From the Wu-Tang Clan.

Yeah, yeah, got it, got it, got it, got it.

I got it, I got it.

This song is called Six Degrees.

I think I narrowed it down for you, no?

All right, caller ID, I never reset it.

Stupid.

Let's see, let me get the local area code here.

Oh, yeah, tinychat video, I'm on video.

tinychat.com slash prankcallnation.

You can see the video if you're into that thing, that kind of thing.

Oh, yeah, you're doing naked webcam.

No, no, I'm naked.

No way.

I thought maybe you wanted to get naked.

No, no.

No, no one wants that, man.

I want it, baby.

Oh, boy.

Hello?

Yes, how do you have a hospital bed for sale?

You still have it.

Great.

And the bed isn't new, just the mattress?

Right.

All right.

Yeah.

Okay.

And this is like a twin-size bed?

Yes, it's not a long one.

It's just a normal hospital bed.

All right.

And what kind of oscillations does it have?

What kind of movements?

How many degrees of movement does it have?

The head goes up and down, and the feet goes up and down.

The whole bed can go up and down.

It's just sometimes I had a little trouble with it going up and down all the way.

All right.

Okay.

Does it have brakes on it?

Oh, yeah.

You can push a brake.

All right.

And then set the wheels.

All right.

That's good.

And I can steer with the wheel to get it around and go around the house?

Well, now, it's one of those older beds.

You know, they're kind of made smaller, different nowadays.

Yeah, yeah, but this one, it's the newer kind, right?

Yeah, but I think it would be the older kind.

Yeah, all right.

So it still has the steering wheel, right?

So I sit at the steering wheel, and I have a horn, and I drive it.

Or, like, if I need to go to the bathroom, I take off the brake, and I push the pedal on.

It goes, meep, meep, like that, and I get to the bathroom.

No, it doesn't have the steering wheel, the stand.

So when I have to use the bathroom, I'm going to do it in the bed into the urinal like I have already, right?

You know what I mean?

Like it doesn't have any of that built in or it doesn't move?

No, people can roll the bed.

Of course, it's on rollers, but, I mean, it doesn't go.

It doesn't go.

I understand that.

Okay.

It's one of the hospital beds.

It just goes up and down three different ways, right?

Hello?

It just goes up and down three different ways?

Okay.

Do you have a bad phone, maybe, or do you have bad coverage where you are?

Well, I might lose, but I'll step on the porch, and then I'll get better signal.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Let me know when you're there.

Don't lose you.

Yeah, all right, honey.

No problem.

If I lose you, I can't call you back?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

All right.

And what was your name?

Okay, now I'm outside.

All right.

That's good.

My name's Nick.

What's your name?

Velma.

Thelma.

Beautiful name.

All right.

So when I have to do number one or number two,

it doesn't have it built in where it collects it in the bed.

I'm going to take out my penis, right, and put it inside the jug, the urinal jug, right?

And then I urinate into that and I close it and just set it aside, right?

Is that how it works?

Or does this have built in the urinal where I can urinate?

Hello?

It's not built in, and I have someone who's done calls about the bed, and they call back.

Why didn't you tell me that before?

Hello?

Why didn't you tell me that before that you had someone else calling about it?

Stupid.

All right.

I don't know how I feel about that.

It was what it was.

Try her back, and she'll hang up on me once.

Or she won't pick up, rather.

You have reached the voicemail box of...

Steven Smith.

You guys there?

Milkman, Jim?

Yeah, yeah.

You hear me?

yeah now i do you're a little low when you first said oh yeah yeah there was something

somebody said that i was too loud so i tried to adjust my microphone oh weird i don't know now

how loud do i sound to you you sound okay to me sound like to you that's good yeah i would say

a little louder than that probably would be would be best but yeah how's the stream taking it i'm

looking at it you're going up but not a lot i'm still way above you right now you could go up a

little bit i think okay let me go up a little bit all right how's that there you go that's

hey there you go that's about where you should be all just in a mind don't worry it's on me

okay there you do it all right uh yes you're on top baby oh oh yeah i got someone who wants to

buy holy crap i would like to buy a couple of 50 round boxes of 22 magnum ammo at a reasonable

price what the fuck's he trying to do i don't know that's kind of going on a killing spree

Dude, that's great stuff.

That was one of my favorites, man.

That's a good round.

Do you want to take it?

It's rimfire.

No, no, no.

You can do that.

How come you got a centerfire?

You want a centerfire?

22 Magnum.

Centerfire.

Hello?

Yeah, hey, boy.

I see you looking for some ammo.

I've done found some.

Thank you anyway.

You motherfucker, you.

Hey, man.

I got 22 Magnum centerfire cartridge.

Yeah, I know.

He's like, you sound white.

You don't sound white.

Yes.

Leave a message at the beep.

At the beep.

Leave a message at the beep.

What the fuck does he want to do with that?

Do a magnum centerfire.

I don't know, but he already has it.

What's he going to do with it?

That's what I'm worried about.

Well, the thing is, there's actually a thing with a centerfire magnum 22.

First of all, it's a real impossibility.

Centerfire?

That means a cartridge.

In the middle.

It's going to have a little dot in the middle of it.

Yeah, but the magnum.

It crushes the edge of the cartridge, and that...

But a magnum hits it like a hammer from the back, right?

No, a magnum means it's a longer cartridge with more powder in behind it.

Oh, I don't know shit about guns.

I try to act like I do, but I don't know anything.

I know about the guns in Modern Warfare.

Yeah, well, you were...

And Advanced Warfare.

You play that a lot, yeah.

And GoldenEye, you played a lot of GoldenEye.

Oh, yeah, when I had a Nintendo 64, that was so fucking cool.

Oh, man, it was a fun game, I know, right?

That was so much fun.

And Perfect Dark, did you ever play Perfect Dark?

You're on a P-38 Luger there.

That's what you need, Jim.

P-38 Luger, like the old gun.

Oh, yeah, the Hitler gun.

The fucking wickedest-ass, baddest-ass-looking German gun ever made, man.

That motherfucker's a beautiful guy.

Why not an SS uniform as well?

Yeah, go for it.

Why not, right?

Perfect Dark, I did play that once.

I played four-player Perfect Dark once.

It was fun.

A lot like Golden Age.

Fuck, she was hot, that girl in that game.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, I remember the boxes for it and stuff.

it was a chick

I remember that

and it was like

an unofficial

sequel to GoldenEye

without Bond

I guess

something

it was definitely

themed

in the same way

yeah

okay

someone here says

they

okay

I'll tell you

what they said

I'll tell ya

we love white corn

anyone have any

for sale

I would like

to have

I would like

to have some okra

and sweet peppers

red green yellow

doesn't matter

if you have any

you would like

to sale

That's really my god idea.

White corn.

White corn? What's wrong with black corn?

I know, right?

This number is no longer in service.

Oh shit, I hung up on Milkman.

Why the fuck did you dump us that way?

That was my fault.

I forgot to dial the 1.

But I also hung up on Milkman.

This is Milkman at first.

Don't prank call yet.

Oh, you're calling me up, man.

No, I'm not calling you.

After this, then.

I'm sorry, I hit the wrong button there, buddy.

Oh, okay.

Now, I was asking the question, does that specifically have to be white porn, or can

it be, like, you know, Latina porn, or Asian porn?

No, they say, we love white corn.

White is in quotes with a capital W. I don't know if it's a code for something.

Yeah, maybe, maybe.

Yeah, that's fucking great.

That's even better than my idea of shit.

Shit, it could be something.

It's like reading a book or something.

Why would you do that if you could listen to it?

Look, I copy-pasted the ad for agents.

You can see what I'm getting at.

It's just really like, we love white corn.

I like white corn.

I got to get some more corn.

What could be white corn?

Is that Coke or crack?

We do it from the front.

I think just Coke, I think, right?

Would it be white?

Yeah, yeah, why not?

Why not?

Because, yeah, white.

Well, corn is like hard.

I don't know. I don't know what you call white. I think just the white itself. You know, they look because he's highlighted white

Yeah, so he's for that in quotes. This means something. I think it's just some do the hit man

Yeah, I guess some of that yeah, you're calling to decline to receive this call

Your call again with caller ID enabled it is enabled motherfucker. Oh, man, really?

That's I'm called for because I have caller ID enabled. Let's try again

This is blue cheese right here. Blue cheese.

Oh, yeah? Do you have any white corn?

Yes. I have blue cheese right now.

Okay.

In the bowl.

Oh, yeah. Thank you.

This hit has been brought to you by 420.

Oh, yeah. All right. Look, we're calling back, Jen. I think I got it.

The party you are calling has declined to receive this call.

How did... Let me put a one in there. Maybe that...

Announcement.

I'm suggesting the caller ID. See if something will go down.

See if you use our own number. You call from our own number, Senator.

From their own number?

Let's see. I think it's just the way

it pulses out. I don't have a name

behind it. I think that's what does it, but we'll try.

Let me mess around with some settings here.

Yeah, or try sending her own caller ID

back at her.

Listen, this is as good a time as any

to let you guys

know, just an update. I'm probably going to

be going back to work here in the next few days,

which means my schedule's going to

be changing, so

we may be adjusting

the night the show's on. I don't know if

Milkman and I talked about Thursday night.

possibly, where we're discussing that.

Back in the saddle again, baby.

That's right. Our man is going

back to the headquarter.

Yeah, I talked to the sloth, and

he says he doesn't want to probably

commit to doing weekly shows anymore

right now, so that leaves

Thursday back open, and I hate to see Thursday

just die out, because that's our night.

That's the one that we... Thursdays

is pioneered right here, by

yours truly, our

monito. So, folks, don't ever forget

Thursdays. Thursdays has always

He's always been a force to be reckoned with.

Join the world of calls.

Sure.

All right, here it goes.

So just be aware, this show night, we might be changing the night we're on.

As I always said, one of the toughest nights of the week to call was Thursdays.

And you accepted the challenge, and you did it well, bro.

Look where you took it.

Thanks, man.

Yeah, Zolar took the Friday night as well.

I'm going to turn your call as soon as I can.

Thank you.

Oh, shit, it went through, Jen.

Let me try again.

It's going through now.

It's going through.

We got some hope, but I think that was a mechanical answer.

This dude's tired.

Busy.

It's a mechanical answer machine.

Let's give it a second to reset itself.

What a show of his fun.

We'll get back to that.

But, you know, Thursdays is always that weekday, not weekend day.

You know, just somewhere in between.

Yeah, Milkman, you'll be excited about this news.

Lonesome Loser's checking in here.

He's got a few numbers.

Yeah, that's good.

Yeah, all fish held high for a brother to Lonesome.

Let me copy-paste those over here real quick.

Thank you, Lonesome.

Thank you, sir.

Much obliged.

Welcome back.

Very good to hear my brother back in the house.

Thank you so much.

Much love to our Lonesome Loser.

We also have numbers from Parkman.

He sent in a few.

I'd like to get to those.

Parkman, hey, I want to say, hey, howdy to Parkman.

I got his message, man.

Cheers, brother.

You did.

Nice having your numbers, bro.

You sent some good numbers.

Did he really?

He sent you a message with numbers?

Oh, that's cool.

Cool.

Well, hey, look, while we're at it, here's a green machine for sale.

A green machine.

It's very fun to ride.

Hey, Jen, you might like this.

It's like a little tricycle thing here.

Let me get you this.

Show me.

There you go.

I got you a link to the ad.

Let's see if that ad opens up in the UK.

Oh, yeah, nice.

What the fuck price?

$50.

It's a green machine.

I never heard of that.

What does it do?

I think it goes.

Oh, I see.

It's a bike.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like a little tricycle.

I'm going to do a big blue dream dab, but I'm going to have to mute this because the

blowtorch will blow your mind.

God damn.

All right.

You do that, man.

Okay.

I want to buy this green machine.

All right.

Good.

If I can remember where my home key is, we can do that.

Yeah, this group is really good.

They do, like, jazz remixes a lot of times of, like, popular, like, rap and hip-hop songs, like, instrumentals.

Yeah, they come out really cool.

Like, they remix Nas songs.

So, quick, you mentioned jazz.

Check out Django Reign or J.K. Jax.

dude jango what jango reinhardt gypsy jazz check it out okay jango right dude that's been my new

shit dude that's what i've really been deep into lately i was calling back the same though

reinhardt was like one of the like greatest guitar two fingers working on his left hand

and he like plays the best lines of anybody better than people with five fingers and he

He only had two fingers, this guy?

Two fingers at work, yeah.

He had his hand almost burn off.

And what really inspired me about the guy,

you remember a couple years ago when I chopped my fingers almost off?

I told you.

Yeah, yeah.

And I can only play guitar with my pinky and my first finger and my thumb, dude.

So I had to learn how to play guitar with just two fingers.

So then whenever I really started listening to this guy,

and you can look him up.

It's called, there's this video of him you can see.

And the guy, he's only got two fingers working.

If you like it, check it out.

I would recommend Gypsy Jazz,

Django Reinhardt, man. Check them out.

Here's a real quick quiz

for everybody. We'll go around

the table. It's only three of us, so it'll be quick.

If I told you you can only

keep two fingers on your

hand, thumb included,

which two would you pick?

Jen, you first.

Middle and index.

Middle and index, so you could do the peace sign still.

Okay, all right.

Yes.

Milkman, what two fingers would you want to keep?

I'd want to either go thumb and second, probably.

Thumb and second.

What's the second?

The middle finger?

Yeah, middle finger, I guess, yeah.

Yeah, I think I would do the same thing, because you can still, you know, pinch stuff, you know, with your middle and thumb.

You still got the...

Pinch stuff when you have two fingers.

It's like chopsticks, huh?

Well, yeah, but a little tougher.

Plus, you got the longest finger is your second finger, if you look at that.

Yeah.

Most of the time.

But I was thinking you can still flip people off, too.

That's very important as fuck.

Yeah, yeah, and you can...

Right, but look, as long as you can penetrate deeper, too.

Yeah, and Jyn obviously picks index and middle finger

because as an archer, those are the two fingers he relies on.

And they actually go up your fucking wife's pussy, you cunt.

And then that's what happens with the two fingers.

See, I mean, it's men's skills.

He was born with skills.

The finger were laid out from birth.

He was born an archer.

Oh, shit. Fuck not, Jim.

I love this guy.

I love you, Jim.

All right, let's get back to it.

Where were we?

Here's the green machine, Jim.

Okay, cool. I have the green machine.

I'm really happy about that.

Hi, my name is Jim Stewart.

I'm looking for a person

that's selling the green machine.

Okay, that's me.

Oh, that's you. Okay, well, that's awesome.

So, can I possibly...

Did you build this yourself?

No, you can buy them. I know they're about $140, I think, something like that.

so because of my one arm so i maybe need some help can you help me well it's really for that's

for kids is what it's for oh yeah but that's okay i can make myself smaller yeah so but i need some

help uh you know using it can you uh can you assist me maybe i can come over and give it a try

give it a little spin around the block and uh you know you just give me a hand he's gone he's gone

i'm trying oh for fuck's sake you seem like it was down they never let me get to the punchline

these people

fucking gay

make myself

smaller

make myself

smaller

you gonna

shrink yourself

like Ant-Man

honey I shrunk

the family

sorry

but the person

you called

has a voice

mailbox

that has not

been set up yet

yeah yeah

sure it does

disappointing

not disappointing

right

oh

god damn

I'll never get over it

don't worry

we got more numbers

where they came from

let's check them out

someone's looking

for a bedroom

to rent

Someone has a blue and gold macaw bird

Missing

Macaw

She's about 34 inches long

With a long blue tail

She can survive cold weather

Her name is Baby Blue

Oh wow

I've got

You got an idea for it?

There's a lot you can work with here

Actually she specifically says

Please do not try to touch her

She is very scared and may bite

And there's a reward

Alright

You think you're ready, Jen?

You need a little more time to crunch

No, no, no, I'm ready

I got the bird

I've come for the bird

What come for the reward?

I have the bird

Oh, shit

There we go

We have reached the voicemail box of

For their bird bag

They got it back, right?

They're not paying attention

We found this bird

Yeah, yeah

Yeah, they got the bird back.

Hang on, I'll try again.

Okay.

To be fair, I'm probably not going to do a great job with this, but I'm going to try again.

Such a brilliant idea.

You have reached the voicemail box of...

Dammit, Jin, I'm sorry.

Well, I had such a good idea.

I was going to say that, like, I was going to apologize and say I ate the bird, I cooked it.

Because it fucking bit you.

And I get this green machine on me.

I just saw a wild bird and I thought, oh, God, it's tasty.

It's blue.

Wow.

I've never ate something blue before.

It's going to turn blue

We've got a white male goat for sale

Let me pull that out up here

Large male white goat

$175

There's your link if you want it

Good breeder don't need anymore

Did you ever see the movie The Men Who Stare at Goats?

Yeah, it was alright

It was quite funny

You didn't really see the goats until the end

yeah yeah but are they milking are they milking goats are they meat goats i mean what kind are

they fine jen you want a goat because your last one yeah yeah i i want a goat so you know because

i i don't have anything he has a blue goat hi there uh you uh you you still have some goats

okay but uh i would like to uh inquire about a goat because you put an ad on craigslist

and uh i'm really uh excited about um perhaps uh buying that from you but why hello why put the

Adam, motherfucker.

Yeah, you cunt.

He said he got rid of it.

He said,

fuck this shit.

Sounded like he was busy

having sex with his goat

at the time.

Too busy to talk to you,

Jim.

He had some fingers

up in the gut.

I bet he likes me today.

It's like a fucking

Jim Stewart fucking.

I'm too busy right now.

She's got her mouth full.

Don't worry about it.

Alright,

where's our list here?

Actually, I can just try to call that guy back, right?

After this, we got a jailbroken PlayStation 3.

Are you taking this?

This is the white male goat again for you.

All right, all right.

If that doesn't make up, then I'll take the jailbroken, yes.

Yeah, yeah.

It's Mr. Stewart again, and I just wanted to tell you that you put your ad on Craigslist,

but, you know, it's still there.

Why is it there if you're not selling the goat?

i think that's a little bit misleading okay so what does he just just tell you i sold the goat

or whatever it is right god i don't know maybe maybe i sound maybe it looks like i sound right

now she's got her mouth so god seriously just tell jen just tell him no not you i'm saying

just tell jen like what's up the honest yeah yeah yeah if i was a serious customer yeah who

are you calling uh jailbroken ps3 comes with everything you need to hook it up you taking it

yeah yeah i'll try yeah take it no yeah you got a jailbroken pf3 uh yes sir uh does it go

huh does it go does it what does it go you know does it go does it go does it work does it go

yeah it goes fuck yeah uh how is this a hard a hard jail break did you solder it or what did you

do i didn't i got from a buddy of mine he's the one that did it actually i mean it works fine

I use it all the time.

Is he like some Korean guy or something?

Nah, he's just a very good guy.

Yeah, a lot of fucking Koreans.

So what can I do with the jailbroken PS3 that's different?

What can I do?

Can I play the game?

You can do whatever you want with it.

All you got to do is buy it and you can do what you want with it.

What does jailbroken mean?

What does it mean?

What does jailbroke mean?

Fuck.

This is hard tonight.

I think that's it.

Yeah.

I went into that not knowing what I was doing.

Tell them you're in the county jail, Byrne.

You want to know if you can help get air?

Our call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

3-0-4-

Fuck that guy.

Pissing me off.

Fender guitar amp.

Here we go.

This is for you, Milkman.

Oh, my.

You want a Fender guitar amp?

Hot Rod Deluxe Tube Amp, $250, made in the USA.

Oh, hell yeah.

Price is firm.

Not interested in trades.

The first 250 gets a great-sounding Fender Hot Rod Deluxe Amp in good working condition that is ready to gig 2.9.

Someone drill a couple of holes in the bottom side of the cabinet and run cables through would be an easy fix.

Killer tone.

All right, let's do it.

It says he has a collection of these.

You going to do this?

You sure?

You good?

You nice?

You ready?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Actually, if you want to do it, go ahead, dude, or I can jump in.

What's the group man doing?

No, group man, do it.

Get the amp.

Just don't do it.

Oh, shit.

Just don't do silly voice.

Just talk normal, but be stupid, you know?

Nope.

Don't worry.

I'm trying again.

No.

Sorry, Milkman.

We'll get another guitar for you soon, I'm sure.

Is that a good deal?

Yeah, that's a good deal.

That's two bands.

Yeah, two bands.

That's a pretty good deal.

Yeah, the Fender Hot Rod Deluxe.

It all sounds good.

Hot Rod Deluxe.

I thought you said DeVille.

No.

Okay, Hot Rod Deluxe.

That's so good of a deal now.

All right.

That's a little less.

I thought it was DeVille.

DeVille is a bigger amp.

Hot Rod Deluxe, I think, is a smaller amp.

Uh-huh.

All right.

Can you plug any guitar into an amp?

No, it has to be an electric guitar, right?

No, you can plug any guitar into it that has, like, you know, a cord coming out.

Normally, like, a quarter-inch jack, that should play.

Now, okay, not every guitar has a pickup on it.

Not every guitar has a jack where you can plug the cord into an amp.

The difference is, like what I do, I do the acoustic guitars,

which normally you can just hear in the air without any amp speech

and, you know, make a sound in the room.

These three guitars, the higher quality ones, have a special thing to it.

So you can actually hear the natural sound of the guitar,

like if you stand in the room, it's actually coming from inside the guitar.

So that's why they're a little bit different, and they sound a lot better.

There's many of the artists out there using these days.

You get an acoustic natural sound in an electric box,

It sounds difficult to manage, but hey, I don't know.

I don't know how all that works.

With old days, the older types of guitars, they have electrified acoustic guitars,

but they've got a particular sound.

If you're a guitarist, you know it.

It's got a quacking sound.

They use a Pais electric pickup.

Like a duck?

It has a specific sound.

If you hear, like I pointed out to you,

but you have a new pickup system called an X,

and somehow they work vibration of the body of the guitar

than actually the vibration

right underneath the makeup.

They sound nice.

So that's one of the reasons

I'm a big fan.

You do electric.

They are the most beautiful sound

you can electrically work with.

All right, that's Milkman Mint there.

Thank you.

Oh, like 10 minutes.

Jeez.

Sorry.

No, that's fine.

The world of guitars is very...

I'll return my final minutes

back to the quorum.

No, that's fine.

The world of guitars...

Jim Stewart.

I'll turn it over to Jim Stewart.

The world of guitars

sounds like fun.

I don't know shit about guitars.

I don't know about pianos,

but I'll get to it.

Ah, I see.

Look at that.

Harvard boy.

Jim Studer is one hell of a plucker, man.

He can pluck those keys, I'll tell you what.

He does some jazz numbers that just blow you away.

You ought to see his middle finger and his forearm on that one arm.

Listen, Jim, earlier you were calling about hay.

There's another hay here.

$3.50 per bale.

First cut.

Good livestock hay.

We want some more hay.

Yeah, I don't know if it's the same joke for work, but let's try it.

Oh, I forgot something.

I put an extra one.

Stupid.

it let's try it again forwarded to an automatic voice message system three zero four all right

i'm changing the caller id like i always say and try it again i'm here i'm typing shit real quick

one okay and away we go hey you think if i talk like this maybe they're like maybe they'll help

me jim there is no reason why you you can't talk like that and not expect someone to help you out

i want somebody to help me because i don't you know i don't like to talk funny this is really

really rude that they would do that i'm sorry your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice

message hey let's get let's try some lonesome numbers maybe those will hit it's down to those

uh i got a hotel no a museum we got a museum in japan hey a museum in japan yeah so we got a

museum what the fuck is it what kind of museum lake biwa museum in oroshimo kusatsu lake biwa

museum yeah shiga prefecture japan got it got it got it what the fuck is it all right

you want to talk to them good they think they make good tea there too

probably what the hell is it i don't get it wetlands protection

did you find it cultural and natural history of the region yeah all right let's try something

i'm having my usual copy paste problem let me uh restart that app just a moment

guys just listen to this tune i'll be right back this website is shit is it all japanese out or

do they have no no no they've got an english version it's just horrible i got it to copy

paste i'm just get the 011 in here we're good hello hi yeah you speak english sorry english

please english get someone else person speaking english what yeah listen do you understand

fucking fuck fuck fuck you matthew matthew you speak matthew

And there's a lot of people, and there's a lot of people who don't know

Okay, let's see where this goes

What the fuck is it with Japanese friends?

It's weird

They must go crazy over there

Yes, hello, how are you?

Yeah, I had a problem, man

I was there, you know, and

One of the people there was abusive to me

And I wanted to make a complaint, a formal one

Yes, yes

Approximately five hours ago

Or maybe it was a little bit less then

I'm not so good with time

time yes oh we were there at the opening but it was uh just as it was opening you know let me let

me write it down yes okay who the fuck is this guy hello hello you came to the lake yes and uh

it is just gin stewart gin gin gin j-i-n gin j-i-n stewart uh e-w-s-t-e-w-a-r-t that's it

yeah okay stewart okay yes and you arrived i did and then it was just myself indeed yes

Yes, and as I stood there in the mother's light, it was nice and light and white.

And as I waited, one of the people was abusive to me.

He was abusing me and saying abusive.

I believe it was a staff member.

Yeah, abusive.

He was abusing.

Can you write it abusing?

Write that down, because that was what happened.

He was abusing me.

It was a man

He was abusing me with the words

With words?

Yeah, he was swearing and saying the bad words

I don't know why

Why was he doing that?

As I was waiting in line

Maybe I

I don't know

As I wanted to go in

There was a person there

And he approached me

And then he said the swearing words

You fucking this, you fucking that

Fucking, fucking, fuck

Fuck, fuck, and then fuck off.

Why was he saying that?

Why?

I'd not yet entered the museum, no.

Okay, then that would not have been...

Yes, it was wearing a badge.

What is wearing a badge?

I don't know what he did, you know.

Why was he...

I don't know, maybe his eyes were, like, red.

You know, maybe he'd taken something.

I don't know, but his eyes were red like a demon.

And then he's just swearing at me, and he's saying these abusive words.

And all this time, I'm trying to say, you know, I'm not interested.

I don't want to buy it.

Just leave me alone.

And he was just carrying on, and he wouldn't stop.

I just don't understand why that happened.

Why did that have to happen?

I feel like I've lost faith in the museum, and I feel depressed and depleted, and I'm not well now.

I feel sick after this because this was swearing, and these words, I'd never heard these words before.

is saying them in Japanese and English

and trying to swear at me in multiple languages, you know,

like some kind of devil.

So this was a Japanese or a foreign person?

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

Well, Japanese-ish is Asian.

I don't know where from.

I can't tell the difference, you know.

In Japanese and...

I believe with the Japanese, English, maybe Korean.

I don't know.

He said lots of things.

He said that...

And then I didn't know, you know,

because I think that is Korean, yeah?

By the way, what nationality are you yourself?

He was swearing the Korean, and this English, the fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, all the time, fucking, fucking.

And why? Why he didn't stop?

You know, I said to him, look, please, I don't want to buy it.

Just leave it. Leave it alone. Don't touch it.

And then he was just carrying on. Why?

No, no, because for at least 20 minutes, this man is standing there, he's abusing me with the words.

Wow, 20 minutes. What time did you actually arrive here?

Just before the opening, you know. I can't remember exactly what time, but it was just before the opening.

There was a queue there, a small queue.

Oh, yeah, okay. Hi.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, so this went on for 20 minutes.

No, no, I had to leave because I was crying. I was in a state of panic. I was upset. I was crazy.

Gotcha. I understand.

I don't know what, I don't understand, you know, why this person has to do something like that.

why why does that happen you know i don't know it just makes me feel so annoyed when that happens

why why does that have to happen wearing

a badge, and he would say nasty things to me,

all this fucking, fucking, fucking...

Why did this happen?

I don't know!

Why did this have to happen to me?

You know?

Of all the people in there,

and they could have gone to the queue and talked to somebody,

but he said it to me,

and I hate the fucking, fucking all the time.

It's just that I am so angry about this and frustrated.

It sounds extremely distressing to me.

And I don't know what to do anymore.

I feel so depressed.

I feel like I should just end my life.

I want to go and hang myself in this Japanese forest, you know,

in the trees or something like that.

Why did this have to happen to me?

I'll report this.

Yeah.

I'm just wondering.

Later.

That's going to be difficult because the problem is that it has to be translated.

And the numbers, et cetera, you know, you have to push the translated numbers.

so that doesn't really work.

But the problem, I want to come back and see and talk to somebody

because I'm not accepting that.

Did you write it down, please?

What did you write down?

Read to me what you wrote there.

I wrote, by himself, and while waiting in line,

and the parents came in Japanese and English.

Fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking.

All the time, fucking.

I got that.

Very angry and upset.

set i couldn't like i was having trouble breathing afterwards you know this this demon i don't know

this man he was like i don't know why was he so angry and speaking in so many languages like i

don't understand you know and then he just goes away and this is disappeared or something yeah

he just disappeared that's a poof and that's a gone into thin air okay i don't want to do that

i just wanted to log the complaint i wanted to make you aware of it because obviously if there's

some kind of demon person there

who's going to be abusing

members of the public when

they come to visit the restaurant, or

the restaurant, they come to visit the

place, you know. They want to eat

something, they want to visit the museum,

whatever.

I think he was wearing a badge, and

he had like a horn, I think two horns

like on his face,

two horns on his face, I remember that.

And his eyes were red like a demon,

and then when he's talking, fucking, fucking,

fucking, and then he's talking in like different

different language um and it's sweating and all these things and then

and then he would like stand on the you know the plate outside there's like this plate

and he would stand on this plate and he's like

and then i don't know why he did that but then he came back and then he's just immediately back

fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking and then back to the plate and then back to me fucking

Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it. And you know, I'm so distraught about it, I don't understand, you know, why.

I think swearing in tongues, you know.

I'm from Bocacra. Bocacra, it's in the Bozham. I'm from Bozham, you know Bozham?

Yeah, yeah, Bozham. It's in the Kia region, you know the Kia? Yeah, I'm from Bozham, in Kia.

So you put it down and make sure that then obviously they're prepared for the demon or whatever it is, the person, you know, who's swearing in fucking tongues.

Okay, let me add to the part about the horns too.

Yeah, yeah, it's very important.

And then when he disappeared, it's also important

because perhaps that could be of some relevance, you know.

It could be a real, you know, devil person.

I don't know.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Excellent.

I will liaise with someone if I need to.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

Liaise?

Really?

Is that what you're going to do?

Dude, that was so funny.

The fucking, fucking, fucking, I'm just imagining.

Fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking.

oh my god i was crying i was hoping i was hoping you'd see my message what was his nationality

because he was asking you oh yeah i see yeah why the fuck does he care he's not he's not japanese

trying to make up a fucking country a bazaam that was awesome he's sick bazaam but um

he's definitely a westerner though right like i'm not i can't he's not asian i couldn't pin it down

He could be. He had a little accent.

He could be covering up.

He could have been in America a long time.

But sometimes you pick up the accent when you're visiting a country for a long time.

Like when you're a resident, like maybe he is.

You start picking up a lot of...

I don't know. He almost sounded like a Korean kind of accent.

The way he kind of...

No, definitely not Korean.

No, I didn't get any Korean.

Because I swore at him in Korean, and he didn't understand it.

He didn't dig it? Okay.

I think he's American.

He sounded like an old American.

You know what he sounded like to me?

He sounded like the horse, the Turkish horse.

Yeah, actually, he did.

You're right.

Yeah, he sounded like that.

I fucking wonder.

What if that guy got a big dick for you, huh?

Yeah.

What was his name?

Wes Faison.

What name did you used to give him?

Yeah, you used to say gin store.

Yeah, I remember.

Because remember you called Faison once, and she was like,

Oh, hello, Mr. Stewart.

Yeah, she wanted to hook up.

You motherfucker.

He and Jen just worked them over.

Like, I mean, just worked them over.

Every time he called, he had that.

They never forgot him.

I always remember you, Stewart.

Oh, man.

I think he's a smart dude.

These people actually seem like they got a little intelligence because they, you know,

I've looked at that place and it's very nice.

It's very neat.

You know, it's a very good looking place.

That's probably a decent place to eat at.

They don't know anything about it.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Good that you have your identity, dude.

I would not go in there.

No, no, I'll never go in there now, no.

I mean, if I went in, I would...

No, you're going to go in with me, but no one's going to know until afterwards.

But here's the deal.

If I'm going in, either you're paying for me or I'm paying cash, and I'm going to not talk, and you're going to...

Oh, dude, I'm paying. I'm paying, of course.

Yeah, and you're going to say, this is my hermano, and he has laryngitis and lockjaw right now, so he can't talk.

Basically, that's exactly what's going to happen.

I can't open my mouth

because they're gonna

can't take a chance

he'll probably

fucking pull a knife

on me man

like he'll feel

we'll get you like

one of those

little like

pieces that cover

over your mouth

like when you got a cold

you know like that

and then like

you can like pull it up

and like start eating

and enjoy yourself

like how do you think

Charlie would react

how do you think

Charlie would react

if I was in Honolulu

let's say

on vacation

and I looked up

you know I went to

that restaurant

the Dew Drop

and he was there and i ordered a meal and everything and at the end and he you know i

was like hey i just want to let you know i'm the guy that started prank calling you

about the shit your food has shit and piss in it oh my god i wonder how he'd react

i mean i would say he would poison you if he didn't know i wouldn't eat after that he's

fucking poisoned for that before that i mean after i i don't know

oh that's the wrong prank uh hey i was gonna play a jim stewart prank real quick

It's the Turkish horse

Oh, it's ten minutes long

Yeah, the Turkish horse

I'm going to skip to the end of it

Because towards the end is when he gets really mad

Are you okay if I play Turkish horse

On the phone, here, on the show, Jen?

Hey, no problem, go for it

Yeah, this is legendary material here

I'll be taking a hard break

In about thirty minutes

This is a quick five minute mini break

While I stretch my leg, thank you

Tiny, tiny break

I'm sure you have a big ass

I'm gonna punch you in the mouth

Well, why don't you come on over

I fucked you with that big ass, motherfucker

You fucked me, my big ass motherfucker

I'll fuck your big ass, I got a big dick

You fucked my big ass, I've got a tiny ass

You'll never get me

Well, come on over

I'll fuck you all

I'll fuck your whole family

I'll fuck you

I'm sure you like to be fucked

because you'll sound like a faggot.

Are you a faggot?

No, I'm a horseman.

I'm sure you're a faggot.

Don't say no to me, motherfucker.

No.

It's obvious you're a faggot.

You like big cunts, don't you?

No.

I got a big cunt.

Come on over.

Good, good.

I'll give it to you and your wife, your sister,

your whole fucking family.

You son of a bitch.

You can all fuck my cunt.

Why would you do that, man?

Why wouldn't I do that, motherfucker?

What am I going to do with it?

I'm trying to be nice.

You fuck people with that.

You fuck people with that?

Come on over, I'll fuck you too.

I think you should fuck yourself, you son of a bitch.

Well, I'll fuck you.

I'm trying to be nice to you, you know.

I called up and I was trying to...

I'm sure you like to be fucked.

Don't lie to me.

You are a faggot.

You are calling people.

You are trying to find someone to fuck you.

So, I make it easy for you.

Come on over here, I'll fuck you.

I'm going to be closing in half an hour.

I'll fuck you right here.

Okay, let me come over right now.

If everybody leaves here at 10 o'clock, I'll fuck you.

All night long.

What time is it now?

Well, it's almost 9.30.

Come on over.

All right, I'll come back.

You're closing right now.

If I leave right now, I could be there at 10 o'clock.

You'll make it.

Come on, man.

I'll wait for you.

Don't worry.

Is there any space?

I'm waiting for you.

Bring whatever you got there, okay?

Tony, Tony, Tony.

Don't forget your wife and your whole family, too.

I don't want to fuck them all.

Okay, brilliant.

I'll bring everybody.

Bring everybody.

Okay, beating everybody, I'll do you a favor and fuck you all.

Fuck your mother, you son of a bitch.

Especially you, okay, you're going to suck my cock first before I fuck you.

Okay, I'm really looking forward to it.

You're going to suck my dick for like one hour.

You son of a bitch, you.

Then I will fuck you.

Son of a horse, you understand?

I'll beat your horse too, I fuck your horse too.

Excellent, that's exactly what I want to do.

I fuck horses too.

Dude, I know you're a son of a bitch.

I'll fuck it.

You are a dick.

But I'll fuck you personally.

Maybe I'll have one of my guys fuck your wife.

So you can watch while I fuck you.

Okay?

Sounds good. Okay. Fuck you.

Alright, and tell that bitch...

Alright, fuck you, motherfucker.

Fucking bye.

Wow.

What a story.

Whoa, right.

He wasn't very tense at all. He sounded very relaxed.

He didn't marvelously execute it.

He was good.

Oh, shit. Good stuff.

He didn't get angry.

not at all

he was fine

he's so

he would skin you

I think he would like

skin you alive

if he could get a hold of you

look I love that we have

fans and listeners

that will fucking

fuck yeah

I've seen this guy

in person too

and he's like

five foot one

maybe five foot two

he looks like

like on that

Aristotle on that

he doesn't sound like

a dude you want to

fuck with

like he

you know

no dude

he looks like

a little fucking

like little dictator

like the napoleon complex dude because he looks like he's like been around and he's just i don't

know kind of like i don't know like a greek kind of like looking dude you know what i'm saying

they got that kind of like you know mediterranean fucking gruffy right yeah dude you know he means

business you know this guy that you just don't want to fuck with him kind of look you know

jim stewart where do you holiday you ever go to greece italy do you even holiday at all

you don't do that right yeah yeah i do go to a holiday i do i do random holidays but uh at the

i don't really have the time but if i do go on holiday i get to see my friends oh you was

traveling to canada israel last time i sometimes go to nice places very nice places i've been to

seychelles maldives yeah see uh man people in europe they love that they vacation some really

cool places like we're always just united states usually compared to where we are america's usually

either vacation here like we go somewhere else because it's such a big country and there's you

you know a lot of shit to do um or like we just we take a trip overseas but it's like

you know i don't know you know what i mean like it's just you guys over there got like nice

beaches yeah well it depends on time we don't have nice beaches here in the uk well not in the

uk but you guys vacation like in other parts although actually we do have some nice beach

i mean i was in scotland uh a couple weeks ago and uh i was at a beach there that's quite nice

there's a beach there people get in the water it seems like it'd be cold yeah yeah i was in

in the water it was really nice um have you ever been to torquay huh torquay torquay yeah yeah i

know i know i know torquay i haven't been there amd lives down there he said it's real nice man

like they got palms and shit to grow there's got this warm current that comes in there i don't

trust him there's people who say fucking blackpool is nice all right look laguna garden hotel this is

in japan and okinawa uh i'll take this one i'll take this one and home of the japs

hey mushi mushi i'm american you speak english this is a laguna garden hotel yeah i know that

stupid laguna garden hotel operator man yeah hi how are you how are you i'm good i would like a

woman sent up to my room please myself and my friend jim stewart we're gonna have uh sex with

her okay honey that's room service i want to talk to you yeah hello hi i'm american you speak

english oh good motherfucker okay look um i'm here with my friend jim stewart hi we're staying

here and we heard that you guys have like uh like the sex places that you can go to you know

the love hotels and the sex sexual place so you can have sex with the woman and with the

machines and stuff you know what i'm talking about yes we have the fitness machine yeah but

i need a machine for sex for sexual pleasure for fucking do you know sex s-e-x shit jen what's the

word what how do you say sex to her in japanese you are fucking fucking yeah fuck fuck you know

no fuck you have any fuck no we don't have any some like that well what did i what did i say do

you understand what i said do you have any fuck can you say fuck how many fuck do you have

ah sorry this is a laguna garden hotel yeah we don't have any something do you have

You have Sekusu? Sekusu?

Laguna?

Sekusu.

No.

Yes, I'm looking for Sekusu.

Where to go for Sekusu?

Sorry, we don't know.

Yeah, you know. Do you have a sex hotel?

Love hotel?

Yeah, Okichinpo.

I want to have Sekusu with a robot, with an Asamo robot.

Sorry, sorry.

I saw on a documentary. You guys have it.

Go ahead, Chinpo.

Yeah, I was going to say, hello, miss lady.

Another to no sex.

What did you say?

What did you fucking say?

I said I don't want to have sex with you.

Shit.

Ah, fuck it up.

Did you hear me?

Ah, what, what?

Yeah, what?

Milkman, go ahead, what?

Tell him you have the okichinpo.

Oh, no, I didn't hear you.

That means you got the big dick.

That's what you're trying to tell her.

Okichinpo?

Yeah.

All right, let's call back, speak to the operator.

She seemed nice. She seemed nice and receptive in English.

I know. I heard that. I wasn't going to call you out on it.

I was going to let you slide.

Before you say like,

I mean, very big.

Hello. You're an English speaker, right?

This is the Raguna Garden Hotel.

Yeah. Is this the operator?

Yeah.

I'm looking for Sekusu, a place to have Sekusu with the woman.

Sekusu.

Yeah, where's the place that there's a woman and she has Sekusu with me?

Does Sekusu?

Do you know what is Sekusu?

Sekusu?

This is a Laguna Garden Hotel operator.

Yeah, yeah, and I'm staying at the hotel.

I want to go to a place to have Sekusu.

Sekusu, please, please.

You stay?

Yeah, I stay.

I stay here.

Stay reservation?

Yeah, yes, yeah, yeah.

sex sex sex yes sex yeah there you go s-e-x sex yes uh where do i go where do i go to have sex

with a woman or a robot robot you know like a robot you know what is robot i'll connect

front desk no no no they don't know they don't know reservation desk roboto roboto

Roboto.

Roboto?

Robot?

Yes, I want to have sex with Roboto.

A robot?

Yes.

You have that in Japan.

You have a lot of Roboto?

Sekusu Roboto?

No.

Oh, come on.

You know where the place is where you have Sekusu with a Roboto.

Roboto.

Yes.

Room number?

Do you know room number?

219.

219?

Yeah.

By Shumpu?

That means whore

If you say you want to have sex with a robot

You say

I can't say that

Yeah, what about

Baishumpu

Where?

Where is Baishumpu?

Baishumpu for Sekusu

Yes, with Baishumpu.

Roboto Baishumpu.

Yes.

No.

Yes, no?

No.

Yes.

Hello.

Yeah.

Can you...

This is a Laguna Garden Hotel.

And I'm staying in the Laguna Garden Hotel.

I am here.

Here.

I am in Laguna Hotel.

I am with you.

You are reservation?

Oh, fuck.

Jen, go ahead.

Yeah, talk to her, please.

Yeah, hello?

Moshi moshi?

Hai.

Hai, hai.

How are you?

Yeah, yeah.

Watashi wa roboto to seksu ga shitai desu.

Koko wa hotelu desu.

Yeah, yeah, seksu, seksu.

You know?

Koko wa hotelu desu.

Watashi wa no seksu suru kata ga dikaimasu.

Suru kata ga?

So, I don't understand what you're saying.

You know, I can just talk in English.

Can you English?

Ah, koko dewa, ano, taiyo deki nai no de.

I'll connect to front desk

Yeah, yeah, you do that

Connected

Front desk

Just one

Yeah, yeah, front desk

What is it with adding the O

To the end of everything?

Not everything

But a lot of things

Like waifu

They say

I'm going to try this

I'm going to tell her

I want to fuck a robot

Like when I get my Asian massage

She's like

No, but your waifu

It's never going to happen.

Well, that doesn't happen.

It's never happened.

What the fuck?

Because she gave him a heads up.

Yeah, yeah. I also told her

in between there to fuck off at some point.

While she was talking in Japanese, I told her

to fuck off. Yeah, front desk?

No. Front desk.

Hello? Yes.

I want to have sex with a robot.

I don't understand. English? English?

No.

Why?

This is a Laguna Garden Hotel.

Uh-huh. Yeah.

Nonsense.

I want to have sex with you.

No.

Why?

I don't know you.

Why? I want to have sex with you.

I want to have sex with you.

Sorry. Cutter?

What cutter? No, I just want to have sex with you.

I'm trying to tell her I want to fuck a robot.

Then she said some Japanese shit.

So I said, no, I want to fuck you now.

I want to fuck you.

Oh, shit.

Oh, man.

That's fun.

Still got more numbers.

Let's see what else we got here.

That was Laguna Garden Hotel.

Monkey Mania.

This is located in Australia.

Monkey Mania.

A party venue.

All right.

I'll try that.

Let me try.

Maybe it has to be deeper

to be more Japanese.

Oh, yeah.

What does she want?

I need a six.

Six.

Eight.

Shit.

Turtle bus.

Yeah, because it said way different

than it pronounces it

on Google Translate.

Hello, this is Ben Stickey.

How can I help?

Yeah, hey, how you doing?

That's good.

Shut up.

I'm looking for a party venue.

This is what this is here?

Yeah.

Yeah, sure it is.

All right, good.

Do you have a, like, grilling area there that we can grill some food on the, what do you call it, a barbie, barbecue?

Oh, no, sorry.

We're an indoor, indoor play center.

Do you have space outside where we can, we want to burn a big cross?

No, we don't have anything like that.

No?

Do you guys burn crosses here in this country?

Not really, no.

Do you know what that means?

Not 100%, no.

know it's the lighting of the cross for the white man to light the way and cleanse the world uh okay

yeah we uh we're here from the united states we understand you have like an abo problem in this

area abo something like that abo i never heard of them before um but i guess they're like the

indigenous motherfuckers from here yeah that's not very appropriate right yeah i know well it

It doesn't sound appropriate, but I teach hate, you know.

I have hate in my heart.

That's how I talk.

Thank you very much.

All right, so.

Wow.

One minute, you're dumb.

World soon.

I'd like to apologize for our Australian listeners, especially those who are Aboriginal Australians.

Yeah, I used to actually have an Australian fan who used to call me.

And he would be like, Gene, fucking hell, mate, how are you?

This is Steve from Australia.

And he'd leave me a lot of messages.

he's like he would just be like steve yeah it's steve how are you my fucking hell and he actually

did a really good impression of my like yeah you know my hello oh yeah yeah yeah it was really good

dialer does a real good impression of you he'll do it a lot of times so do an impression of you

while he does pranks on his show it's really and he's doing the dead sometimes now oh really

his the dead impression is dead on dialer his the dead oh really oh my god it is it is yeah it is

It is dead on.

Dead on to death.

Really?

I know you're good, dude.

I have to hear that, man.

There's an episode.

It's on the PCN podcast.

If you go to the dialer section on the page,

if you go to the Global Chaos,

you can go to prankcallnation.com slash dialer.

I think that's it.

It's either slash dialer or Global Chaos.

One of those two.

I would feel bad for being a special.

What's it called?

Let me see if I can find it.

I think the whole show was about him impersonating the dead.

If you figure it out, send me the link, dude.

Just text me the link and I will pick it up later.

I don't think you did.

I didn't hear the whole thing, but what I heard cracked my ass up so hard.

All right, prankhallnation.com slash dialer is where you want to go.

Let me see if I can find that.

Lucy the Swearer blows away.

This is like two weeks ago, I think, so let me go back.

And the dialer usually pushes out like a show, at least like four shows a week, I'd say, maybe five.

New format, power dialing, power dialing, full marking the pre-show.

He did a full marking pre-show.

You should see my wife.

There it is.

Okay.

August 11th, 2015, Global Chaos Radio.

You should see my wife.

I'll post a link to it here to YouTube if you want to.

Oh, dude, this is so funny.

You've got to hear it.

Fucking dialer is hilarious.

Dude, I think it's good, man.

I like it.

I definitely want to hear that one.

Oh, my God, dude.

The Dead, man.

Everybody knows how I feel about The Dead.

The Earth.

Yeah.

All right.

So there's that.

Hey, let's do some more prank calls.

Come on.

We're going to take a break here in like 15 minutes.

I just have to be good.

Hang on.

Let me play some of it.

I'll show you.

Let's go to the random in the middle.

See if we can hear some of The Dead.

Chicken curry.

Mm-hmm.

And one tiramadi laan.

One tiramadi laan.

Can you tell me again?

It's an Indian food.

Is this an Indian restaurant?

It's tiramadi laan.

No, we have a no habit right now, this one. We have a chicken curry, okay?

Chicken curry, okay. Do you have banjo?

No, no, look up at that. Are you gonna be fucking kidding me, man?

You're gonna be fucking kidding me. That's so dead

Be fucking kill me

He's really zero and there's some other parts that sounds better like he's just he just captured him really well

He did very good

I'm impressed

It's funny because the dead always is saying

You should see my wife

He's always saying that to people

You should see my wife

That's what he called the episode

You should see my wife

Just let me do a quick shout out

There's this dickhead in the fucking chat room

Called the Danimal

If you don't like me

Don't fucking listen to the show you prick

I can stay on as much as I want

And if Carlito has me on the show

I'm going to do some stuff

so you can shut the fuck up and go and fuck your mother, you fucking piece of shit.

Yeah, damn right.

All right.

That's it.

That's all I got for you.

I don't know.

I fucked that up.

Who's talking shit to you?

Let's go to the chat room instead because...

I don't know.

These fuckers are talking to me in the chat room like they fucking know me or something.

I'll tell them to go suck one, man.

Don't pay attention.

I don't give a fuck.

I don't even know you.

You should.

I got enough fans.

I mean, a little, man, in the face of the true show.

So, you know, you can be an ace there and go suck one.

All right, let me get back to Lowe's.

Jim Stewart's the man, motherfuckers.

All right, look, I'm scanning through.

We got some U.K. numbers here.

We got some Indian restaurants, some more U.K. numbers.

These are Reynolds?

No, just random.

I wish you had a fucking thimble full of talent this man possesses.

Oh, we got, what's it called?

Cornwall.

All right.

Where's that about?

Do you have any idea, Jim?

Cornwall.

What's that?

Cornwall, yeah, yeah, Cornwall's a place.

It's in the south. Is that in the south, I think?

No, that's...

Yeah, yeah, I think so. I believe so. Actually, let me check.

Jim, I think...

Cornwall was the Battle of Hastings and something like that in that time, right?

10-something?

Yeah, it's in the southeast, very far, like it's on the point.

Are you sure you're not confusing it with General Cornwall?

I don't know. It's something that we should know.

You're confusing it.

I think you're confusing it with General Cornwallis, who surrendered to George Washington.

No, that's different.

I'm talking about an older one.

This is like a long time ago.

I don't think there was a Battle of Cornwall.

You think there was a Battle of Cornwall?

I could find out.

Let me look.

Battle of Cornwall.

Dude, there's something.

Yeah, there is something.

There's a famous deal of the battle because this guy with the red line and the fucking

what was the other guy?

There it is.

How do you say that?

The Battle of Cornwall was a Spanish raid on Cornwall in 1595 during the Anglo-Spanish

War, 1585 to 1604.

Okay, something like that.

Okay, there we go.

Battle of Cornwall.

I knew there was one.

Connected by a Spanish Navy squadron from Brittany, France.

yeah go spain fuck yeah yeah who won this let's see belligerence uh the spanish had no losses

and england lost four settlements and one fort was raised and four ships sunk hell yeah

in your face yeah spain that is a big battle i can't remember how it went but i know it's a big

battle it's an important battle i guess that's a matter an important battle of loss damn look at

this at the end of the campaign a traditional catholic mass was held on british soil that's

fucked up because i'm sure that's that was in the period but you know when it was uh yeah church

damn actually i'm pretty sure spain was doing all this uh at the behest of the vatican that was

you know fuck yeah boy that's what right into that now i'm sure that chapped them

all right we're gonna do prank calls we got cornwall i was saying uh well the first one

is actually in hampshire hampshire powers or whatever no bullshit i already called it hang on

hang on let me focus in here lindsey is in cornwall yeah you find out where cornwall i like

corn beef yeah yeah corn is on the on right in the southeast it's like literally it's the point

uh that goes into this i saw corn beef hash fried eggs man with runny yolks and toast

I love spaces in here.

Spaces?

Yeah, is that Mr. Ellicott?

I'm calling for Lindsey.

Don't get fresh with me on the phone.

So what?

I don't care.

What time is it?

4 o'clock?

Why don't you take the clock and shove it up your ass if it's 4 o'clock?

put the time up your ass

and leave it there until the alarm goes off

I'll poke it up yours

I hope you choke on it

what the hell

I hope you choke on it

was that a wanker

yeah it was a wanker

oh shit I just caught the end of it

you were so on hold

and I heard the beep beep and added you

I was just saying

I don't know what I said

calling for the wife

He said, you know what time it is?

You know, the whole thing.

You know what time it is, et cetera, et cetera.

Busy.

The phone got left busy.

Well, I don't have any corned beef hash, so I decided to have blue dragon hash instead.

Blue dragon hash.

There you go.

Good stuff.

It's good for you.

Good for your lungs.

Hey, it's for you, bro.

Good for your brain.

You know, burn off all the...

This one here is for Jim Stewart, Keith, and Marvin.

Marvin!

I got a Joseph Reynolds.

Jim, are you interested?

Gold medalist, archer, champion.

yeah yeah why not let me do Marvin there you go what is it who is it Joseph P Reynolds did I

paste it I pasted it to Joseph Reynolds okay I pasted it to the wrong person there you go

was that it did I get you right there yes I did okay Joseph Reynolds Joseph Reynolds I thought

to that actually you know just like I'm serious there's some somebody just lurking around in the

garden hello yeah hello this is Mr Stewart Mrs Reynolds yes yes look listen I think outside

can you just have a quick peek out of your window you're number 10 just have a look at the front

there just see if you can see that gentleman that gentleman there no do you not see the

gentleman i think he's lurking i think he's trying to look into your place there i think

he's lurking hello mrs reynolds this is mr stewart i live just down the road i think i

i saw a gentleman outside just just lurking around on the road there outside number 10

really yeah yeah yeah yeah just have a quick look out your window just see if you can see

your little gentleman there what number do you live at no i live just down the road at number

three i do where's that it's still on anthony close but listen look just have a quick look

just have a quick look no it's better to be safe than sorry though isn't it you know better to be

safe than sorry especially at this hour there's nobody there no there's nobody there oh that's

interesting what do you think happened to him your number no no i'm number i'm at number three

i said what do you think happened to the gentleman then i don't know i think your mobile what do you

think maybe maybe he disappeared your telephone number my it's the same as your number what do

you mean yeah it's just like it's like your number it's got the same start but it's got like a few

different digits at the end what's your number okay it's three five three yeah two two one two

two one two yeah and you're mr mr stewart mr stewart jim stewart yeah mr stewart i'm a revered

gentleman of the british uh battalion yeah listen what do you think happened to the gentleman though

i mean i'm just a little bit concerned about you so you know because i'm looking out for the

neighbors you know doing the neighborhood watch thing and you know if you see a gentleman at

this hour you know it's just you know yes well thank you very much so what do you think happened

to him i have no idea oh can i please speak to your husband no why tomorrow morning no i want

to talk now i'm lonely and bored oh right right all right fuck off then oh shit what the fuck now

now it's time for the break chat will remind me i forgot the vmas are on tonight oh yeah i see what

you're saying the dementia voice there dude that's a great voice what's going on let me tune in the

vmas real quick see what's going on now we're going to get ben off of youtube probably in about

10 seconds find out i'm not showing the video i'm just looking at it playing the audio uh this i i

can't stand this stuff anymore i used to give a shit you know the pop culture and all that maybe

Maybe he just got old. I think this happens. You get old.

And you're like, hey, get off my lawn. I hate this show.

All right, thank you, Kelly.

I want to thank all the fans out here today.

My man Pete Carly, Charlotte, my son, Starling Cyrus, and Nicki Minaj.

Sounds like it's over and they're repeating it.

It's already done.

Nicki Minaj opened the show.

Oh, boy, her and her big ass.

Careless.

But I'm still playing.

I'm playing for you guys.

In case you guys are interested, the VMAs were done.

So don't tune out.

You can probably watch it all.

transgender gonna be on there tonight transgender is that a rapper yeah who's transgender i don't

know let's talk about the verne cox or you mean transgender i mean transgender or whatever his

name is oh transgender caitlin was it caitlin transgender caitlin jenner i don't know if

caitlin jenner is on there yeah transgender you're gonna be on there too i don't know i'll have to

catch the headlines tomorrow and see if they talk about it uh but i do know one thing we're gonna

gonna have to take a break here man it's trying to get a little burned out here is that tune from

that um album this is a different one this is uh ghostface killer i still have nice ghostface

killer it's called something something ways to die i forget what it's called

eight ways to die something like that it's his latest album other than that collaboration that

already looked up yeah all right let's get to this we're gonna take a break when we come back

we'll have more prank calls we'll have more uh probably more people on the line that would be

great we got a lot of australian numbers here we got some waffle houses you know who likes those

is llama and llamas around we'll add llama to the call i got a few waffle houses he likes to he'll

eat them up we got an indian restaurant place gin in japan that might be an interesting twist for

Are you going to stay on?

You got time?

Yeah, fuck yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got nothing.

This is bank holiday, so.

Yay!

All right, I'll be right back.

Don't go anywhere, everybody.

Oh, that's going to please the dad.

Yeah, I told you about it.

We talked about it earlier, Armando, and it's working well.

What are you talking about?

Remember?

Yeah.

Support his show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I understand.

Okay, it's working.

All right, later, man.

Be right back.

I'ma try it out

The nation ain't cliche

House Radio will be back right after this

But I hope that when you die

P.S. in your box and a trap door at the bottom

When you die, put up and you go straight down

House Radio is back

You are bigger than a woman

You are better than a woman

We'll always be behind you

Do not let a woman ever

Ever, ever make you who you are.

Bitch, you proud.

Shut up.

Don't talk to me.

Get your bread out.

Yeah, we used to fuck, but I got fed up.

We eat.

Shut up.

Don't talk to me.

We're back.

Madhouse Radio for August something.

The last week of August.

Coming up on this.

We're now fishing the 31st?

30th.

Sunday the 30th.

Monday the 31st.

First of the month is on Tuesday.

day rent is due motherfucker so get that rent in ain't worried about the police i got get ready to

get that rent in should have been payday friday this last friday hopefully you didn't spend blow

it all on mushrooms and weed like these two over here on the line with me right now jen steward

and milkman what's up guys welcome thank you for sticking in there who else is on who else made

anyone else dwight did you make it or are you still good general awesome how's it going general

General Awesome, hey man, you said that real men play seven string?

Is that what you said?

Yep.

Milkman, that's a message for you.

I didn't get to you yet.

Milkman, are you there?

Oh, I think he dropped out.

I forgot I lost him.

Well, let's get Milkman back on.

Anyway, we'll deliver that message to him later.

In the meantime, we can do some more prank calls.

If anyone wants to jump in, let me know.

Let me see.

uh have more wankers here we got a john tanner does anyone want that

john tanner in the uk in the uk yep all right why not

here it is did you make his name uh tanner it's in the chat

windsor radio yep that's it i'm not getting any sound effects from uh the

the phone program. That's weird.

What's going on with that?

Let me check that out.

Damn shame.

Because John Tanner picked up and hung up.

Hey, I got you back.

Hey, we got you, we got you.

There you are.

All right, let me try John Tanner again for you, Jim.

I'm going to put this on mute.

I could see him picking up, but we couldn't hear it.

I got you, Milkman, no problem.

Yeah, I could see him picking up on the program,

but I had messed with the audio setting during the break,

blah, blah, blah, yada, yada.

Hello?

Hello, Mr. Tanner.

Yes?

Yes, how are you?

Yes, what do you want?

What?

Yeah, it's Mr. Stewart.

I wanted to wake you up.

You do?

Mr. Stewart.

This is what you're trying to do.

Yeah, you can just piss off.

What's your plan?

What do you mean, piss off?

Why are you swearing at me, you idiot?

Oh, well, I can't be bothered with it.

Why are you swearing at me, you idiot?

It's four o'clock in the morning.

Just piss off.

Well, will you fucking piss off, you idiot?

Piss off the phone, you.

Piss off.

I love that idea.

You're such a great pretense,

because if you say to them,

I'm just calling to wake you up,

that's going to piss them off like nothing.

Big fucker.

It's four o'clock in the morning.

Who are you calling?

Same guy back.

All right.

Hello?

Yeah, hey.

Hey, did you just get a phone call waking you up?

Because I got a phone call from your number saying that you were waking me up.

That was a wake-up call.

There's something wrong.

It's got nothing to do with me.

Well, why would you call my house and wake me up and my children at this time in the morning?

Good God.

I like it.

There's a whole bunch of shit going on there in the background now.

You tell them it's Big American Dick calling.

Yeah.

Hey, hey, welcome.

welcome hey are you really in china or something like that yeah i'm in china right now for work

that's cool yeah i'm here for another month i bet i'm gonna be over like six weeks oh where

are you are you like what do you do i'm in the semiconductor industry oh wow that's cool as

fuck man well i am now i have been for about a month so where are you in beijing and you're

in macau where are you no uh xian never heard of it is it nice how's the food scary uh the food is

the food is scary sometimes but awesome other times really a lot of street food you know like

cooked on the street but also maybe never refrigerated you know oh yeah kind of scary

xian it's it's central china um it's uh it's actually quite famous in china but it's not

Not outside of the U.S., but the air quality is horrible.

It's actually the worst air quality in the world.

That's what I've heard.

But I can get a Rolex watch for like $35 U.S.

Real one, though?

No, no, it's fake, but it doesn't matter.

Hey, Matt, can you maybe get me the hookup on some bootleg Coogee sweaters?

I don't know about bootleg Gucci sweaters.

they got purses and shit but that's about it

little kuji sweaters like the kind that

Biggie Smalls and Bill Cosby used to wear

you know like those really colorful

I don't think so

and then what about like some sneakers

you got any bootleg sneakers around

yeah they got bootleg sneakers

but they're like I mean they say

they look like Nike or whatever but they're spelled

like N-I-C-E

but they have the swoosh and everything

or like they have new balance

you know but it's spelled like

they spell it differently and then

but if you look on the bottom it looks like a slipper you know like the the sole is like a

slipper it's not even it doesn't have any tread on it it's just like the slipper can i just ask

do they have any um really expensive um clone watches like i mean like patek philippe or

roger dubuis uh mostly the american brands like omega rolex ah yeah citizen you know uh carrera

whatever. But nothing Swiss, nothing too

extreme. Tag, maybe

some tag

or whatever.

Yeah, tag.

Whatever the fuck, however you say that.

What about jerseys? Any basketball

jerseys? Yeah, but the problem

is the sizes.

I'm not a big dude or anything,

but I had to buy

2XL shirts.

For them, it's 2XL.

i weigh a fucking 180 pounds like there's no fucking way that i'm a 2xl so i would have to

walk around naked there if i had to survive on the clothing i don't know what would happen yeah

i don't know i don't seen a big and tall story yet but i mean there's no there's no big and tall

story china are you kidding me that's like the opposite of everyone in china oh yeah i was with

a dude that i flew in with and he they lost his bags and we went to the fucking store he was a

a bigger dude you know kind of like a biker sized guy or whatever and he's we couldn't he couldn't

fucking find any clothes like he said like the hangover you wear he puts on shirt i was like

yeah i don't know you'd have to get it online or something i have no i mean not that i'm in

china or nothing but yeah i can imagine they don't really have a market for big dudes there

i'm curious whoa there we go i'm curious have you hit the um great firewall of china with

anything yet oh yeah everything it's fucked up yeah you did you post it on facebook you had some

what was it or like what the deal is that uh for my company like they have uh their internet

is through a server in the u.s and i had a vpn for about a week but they shut it down

oh why would they do that okay that sucks and uh um can you get the pc and this pcn block by the

the great wall do you know what's that is prank call nation.com or madhouse live.com or those

oh god i haven't checked i'll have to look yeah check that out let me know i'm just curious if

they've blocked it yeah if you're on the if you're on the list yeah i'm just curious if

i'm blocked or not probably not off the radar check phone losers also check phone the phone

can you not still use skyper what's that can you use tour uh the onion towards

TOR is like a program

you can use.

I think that's probably shut off too.

I don't know because

a lot of agencies use that.

Right, right.

Yeah, that's true.

A lot of places have

that shit set up.

And I think that they

shut down, the feds

shut down the

TOR.

They've infiltrated it.

They must have done that at the ISP

speed levels so they would have had to but that's weird because then they can see i i don't know how

that would technically be like a massive job oh shit i had milkman on hormones really complicated

all right anyway uh yeah yeah hey uh i think this is i think this is how this has already been

spread in the chat room but it is being confirmed now by cnn breaking news director west craven

who scared us all a nightmare on elm street and scream dies at 76 he died at 76 years old today

tonight. At least it was announced

tonight. I was craving it. I didn't know the fucker

was that old. God damn.

I guess so. Rest in peace.

Yeah, see?

Burning hell for making all those devil movies.

You sound like Milkman.

You sound like Milkman. Are you there?

Boy, yeah, your Chinese connection is really bad right now.

Keep trying. Keep trying to get back in.

Don't worry. The government's probably

coming for him. Probably, yeah.

They heard him talking shit.

We caught you all.

Yeah? That's cool, man.

Milkman, are you there still?

Let me do a sound check real quick.

Do we still have Milkman?

Or did we get Milkman back from Holt?

Hello?

Oh, he said he was going to mute himself.

That's right.

Anyway, let's stop talking about stuff

and let's do some pranks.

Here is one.

Wise Guy's Pizza in Australia.

Anyone?

Dwight Pizza in Australia.

The next one has to be gin

because it's an Indian restaurant in Japan.

You idiot.

Who did that?

That's so fucking cool.

It was me.

Who's got the soundboard?

Who's got my...

Do you want me to make a soundboard out of you?

I think there already exists one.

If you Google it, there is a soundboard.

There's a Jim Stewart soundboard.

Yeah, Zach sent it to me once.

I've actually created a...

I wrote a program which is a soundboard template.

So later on, if you want to record some clips

to make like an authentic,

the official Jim Stewart soundboard,

we can do it.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, General Awesome is really quick

on the soundboarding clips.

Like in real time, it's awesome.

Here we go.

Does anyone want the pizza place before I do it?

Australia.

What's up, Melbourne?

Hey, how you doing, honey baby?

I wanted to make an order.

Yeah, very well, man.

Delivery or pickup?

Pickup.

Just give me a phone number with your place.

Well, I don't have an Australian number.

I'm visiting family here in Melbourne.

Melbourne, is that how you pronounce it?

Where about are you?

South Melbourne.

I don't know myself.

Yeah, South Melbourne.

Yeah, no, well, they live here,

and they told me this is the place that they order from.

So I'm calling.

They said this is the place that they go, and this is the place to order from,

and that they'll take me here to pick up the order.

And they're my family.

They're my family.

And they told me that.

Okay?

And I'm wearing long pants and long sleeves.

If you're visiting here, the problem is, like, do you know where the shop is?

I told you, my friends, my family that I'm with, they come to your shop regularly,

regularly and we're gonna come pick it up they're gonna bring me i don't i don't know where it is

but they're coming they know you understand okay all right why you know what's this about what's

this about yeah yeah no problem shit damn it all right are you ready for the order what else you

need you need my blood type all right fuck are you all right i'll look one pizza yep how'd you

want that uh large yep all right i like it cooked with heat uh i need you to add meat to it do you

Do you have one of our menu?

Yeah, well, yeah, I mean, it's pizza.

What's the problem?

I'm just trying to order pizza here.

One meat, one pizza with one meat.

One pizza with meat.

We got the one, it's called the butcher's meat treat.

So it's got ham, bacon, salami, barbecue sauce.

No, no, no, I don't need any upgrades.

I just need meat, one meat.

We don't have any meat pizza like this stuff.

So you don't have meat and no meat there that you can put on?

No, you can have chicken.

Uh-huh, yeah, but what meat?

So that's the only meat one we got.

No, because chicken is a bird.

It's not meat.

It's a bird.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah.

You know, it's a bird.

It has wings.

It flies a little bit here and there.

This

is what's great.

Hey.

Yes, hello?

Hey, how are you, honey?

I'm well, thank you, sir.

How are you?

I'm good, sweetie.

I wanted to make an order.

Can you help me out?

Sure can.

All right.

All right, honey baby.

What would you like to order?

I'd like one large pizza.

One large pizza.

Yes, but which type?

I need you to put one meat on it.

We don't have a meat pizza.

You don't have any meats you can put on the pizza at all.

We have a hot salami and a ham-based pizza.

Yeah, I don't need salami.

I need meat is what I need.

Meat.

Call ended by remote.

They hung up.

He hung up.

He's like, fuck it.

I'm glad that he hung up because I was getting nowhere with that shit.

Fuck.

Alright, Jin, you're up for your Indian restaurant. You ready?

I'm up for it.

Again, everyone, this is in Japan. Let's hope they answer. We're all excited about this.

I'm excited about this. I don't know about you guys.

I know Danimal probably isn't excited.

For some reason, I thought Wes Craven was like in his 50s or something.

I don't know where I got that from.

Hello? Moshi moshi? Moshi moshi?

Ah, moshi moshi.

Moshi moshi. Yeah, do you say namashika? Namashika?

Hi. Yeah, listen to me. Do you speak English?

No.

I know, yeah, get someone on the phone who speaks English.

And Bengali, preferably.

Bangladeshi, Bangladeshi, Banglamato, Bangla.

Bangladeshi?

Yeah, Bangladeshi, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I said all that.

Get me an English-speaking person.

I don't know who's speaking.

Yeah, yeah, listen to me, you cunt.

Get someone on the phone who speaks my language.

I'm sorry, I can't speak English.

Hello?

Hello, yeah, how are you?

Oh, fine, thank you.

Excellent. Yes, yes.

I'm looking for an Indian-speaking person from Bangladesh.

Do you know any Indian people?

Ah, yes.

May I have your name, please?

Jin. Mr. Stewart.

Mr. Stewart. Mr. Mr.

Mr. Stewart?

Mm-hmm.

Okay. Okay, so just a moment, please.

Yeah, okay. Get me an Indian person, yeah?

What the fuck?

I love the whole music in this place.

Oh.

La-da-la-la.

La-di-da.

This is why they commit suicide over there.

Hello.

You speak very well, Sutmaranilpua.

Hello.

Put the Indian back on, please.

Okay, I'm Indian.

What problem are you?

No, where are you from?

Where are you from?

I'm from India.

Where are you from in India?

You understand Teramadi language?

Teramadi language.

This is not good language.

It's good language.

Good, good.

No, no, no, no.

Sutmaranilpua.

Sut.

Sur.

It's not good language.

This is just...

This is your father, this is your father, this is your father.

This is also bad language.

Oh, Gandu.

What are you talking about?

Yes, this is not good language for you.

Oh, God.

Hey, Gandu, why you don't say to me, Gandu?

If I say to you, you Gandu, then you say to me, you motherfucker.

Who told you, Gandu?

Your father, your father, your father.

You are mother chot, pan chot.

No, you are mother chot, dur mother chot.

You are not pan chot, where are you from?

Oh, oh, Kuttarvaija.

Wow, we've bridged a whole bunch of stuff there.

That's great.

I'm glad we got that to go.

Yeah, sorry.

Too much.

It's a good thing you have rudimentary knowledge of Japanese and the normal.

Awesome.

That's fucking brilliant.

There's a hotel.

I got a hotel.

International break-off show.

Dwight, do you want to do a hotel in Australia?

I'm trying to see what I got here for you.

I haven't done anything yet.

Hotel in Australia.

I got a chiropractic office in Australia.

Okay.

I got Windsor.

Or I'll do the chiropractic, I guess.

Can I call the hotel?

Yeah, let me let Dwight do this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I still got the first one.

What is this, please?

Hello, Mr. Chiropractic.

Ariana speaking.

Hi, I need to make an appointment to come in there.

Have you been here before?

No, no.

I'm an American traveler, and I'm having some back issues.

Okay, so you've never been here before?

Yeah, that's what I said.

Okay.

All right, now, I can see you.

Let's have a look.

it would have to be tomorrow night at quarter past seven is that any good to you oh yeah yeah

that's good okay hold on i'll just get your details yep your name is my name is dwight

dwight yeah yeah yeah dwight wombat pardon last name is wombat wombat that's right okay and could

i have a contact phone number please yeah wombat it's a international it's um are you ready it's

It's 2-1-2-1-9-5-6-1-8-1.

Is this a joke?

No, that's international.

I'm an American.

That's my contact number.

It's country code 1.

Yeah, I mean a contact number here.

No, I have a satellite cell phone, and that's my contact number.

And which country are you in now?

I'm in Australia.

How did you find out about us?

I asked the people at the hotel when I was sitting and eating,

and I said, where should I go?

And they recommended that I call you.

Which hotel is this?

What's with all the questions, bitch?

Do you want the Wombat's business or not?

Yes, Josh.

Wombat.

You were using that yesterday, weren't you?

Wombat at some point?

No, I just came up with it.

I just want to hear that going around yesterday.

What do I have?

I've got Irish wankers.

No, no, no.

Jen had the hotel.

I just had a good idea. I'm going to try this again because I did this last time.

I cracked up.

Hi, you've called 9-Eleven Hotel. Can't get to the phone right now.

If you would like to leave your name, number, and whatever.

What the fuck?

Only in Australia would a hotel have a voicemail.

I don't know. Give her a message. We'll take your call later.

If you want your business, we'll call you back.

Hello? Hello?

Okay, whatever.

All right.

She kind of picked up.

Does anyone want Ireland?

Ireland here.

Morgan, would you like to speak?

I'll have us an Irish wanker.

Yeah, Mr. Windsor.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm calling from the Catholic Church.

Yeah.

Yeah, we need you to sanctify some water real quick.

Can you get some water, please?

Hello.

Yes, hi.

I'm calling from the Diocese of the Catholic Church.

The Catholic Church.

Yeah, I'm calling from the Irish Republic Diocese of the Catholic Church.

Yes.

On behalf of the Cardinal, Cardinal Wallace.

I do, yes.

And where do you live?

Well, I'm working in the Catholic Call Center in Chicago, Illinois.

I'm the base.

Oh, in Chicago, Illinois, yes.

Yeah, but this is the diocese, the Cardinal of the Archdiocese of the Irish Republic.

Oh, yes.

Well, I always help the Catholic Church abroad.

I'm always helping.

No, this is the Irish Church.

Okay, yes, thank you.

No, wait a minute. You're not listening to me.

This is a... There's a problem here, okay?

No problem.

Hello?

What's the problem?

Um, your baptism certificate...

Uh, well, John Windsor's baptism certificate came back, uh, negligible.

It wasn't properly handled in the ceremony.

So, we just wanted...

Hello?

Technically, he's not absolved of original sin.

You're not listening to me.

I love how you just pulled the shit out of your ass.

It's very important that they know.

If he dies, he's going to go to hell, and it's not his fault.

We're all going to hell.

Yeah.

You reckon?

But at least not for original sin.

Which I never understood.

What's it?

The sin because we were born?

Born sinner?

Sounds like a rap song.

Exactly.

Sounds like a Rick Ross song to me.

Hello?

Mr. and Mrs. Windsor?

Yeah, there we go.

The House of Windsor.

Did you know that's the Queen's last name?

Yeah.

That reminds me of when Will and What's-Her-Face got engaged.

We were going to have to renounce the wedding.

The two dumb fucks?

Yeah, I was calling Windsor's and saying I need tickets for the wedding.

I was calling the house of Windsor.

That was a good time.

It sucked because I really wanted to do pranks the morning of the wedding.

I was going to get up early and prank people to make sure they were watching it.

Wake them up the night before.

Make sure they were ready.

and i was talking about will and k right yeah yeah yeah i was gonna do that i had all the plans

i planned it throughout the whole engagement and then i ended up in the hospital that week i had

to watch i watched it from my hospital but i'm like fuck oh did you get to see pippa's ass yeah

that was that was that's the only thing everybody was watching yeah she was she was taking the the

train she was yeah um you should see how much the frenchies here protest the the monarchs when they

They come to Canada.

Really?

They fucking hate them.

French, they killed the monarchs, didn't they kill their monarchs?

Like, pretty much just like the Russians did.

I thought they did, right?

The French Revolution, they guillotined.

Am I right?

Was it at least two different events?

You're thinking different time periods.

Like, French-Canadian are still pissed that they had to submit to the British monarch.

Oh.

True.

They did.

They capitulated.

oh well uh that's how it goes here's another windsor does anyone want to talk to a windsor

morgan are you back here i'm just trying to like work on my settings okay all right patty windsor

i'll do the catholic thing again unless dwight wants it or jen yeah go on i'll do it patty

that's it copy paste if we can get some good clips by the way i'll start working on a song

For tonight's show?

Yep.

Yeah, I don't know.

Tonight's been kind of...

It's been good.

It's been all right, show.

Nothing sticks out tonight.

What are you...

Bitch!

Gotta give us a chant.

All right, well, these won't be Catholics, but...

We're no longer in Ireland.

We're now in England.

Oh, good.

Did the football league, the second one, fill up, Carlito?

Or are we still on?

Yes, we have at least eight now.

Yes, we do.

Officially, we hit that.

I'm sorry.

I meant to...

Thanks for reminding me.

We can take four more total.

If you're listening on the podcast, keep in mind, as of right now, let me check my email again.

Look at my inbox.

I'm zero.

Yeah.

As of right now, there's up to four slots available, but they have to be in twos.

So if you're listening to the podcast tomorrow and you hear this, send me the email, but it might be too late.

But please do.

We'll take up to 12 players.

I think we'll stick to that.

It'd be nice if we had 10.

That'd be kind of fun.

It'd be different.

different experience we can close it at eight fuck it let's close it at eight we'll give some

more people a chance a few more uh okay anyway jc and cm middleton did you see that there

speaking of pippa yeah there's a nice tumblr account about pippa's ass

what's ghostface doing what the hell was that this is straight up beastie boys i don't remember

Remember that?

That was funny.

Sorry.

Yes.

All right, here's another Middleton.

James Middleton in Octandon, Manchester, Anglewood.

Manchester.

Very good.

James Middleton.

He gets really pissed off.

Oh, yeah.

He's a good pup there.

All right, I'll skip that one.

All right, a hotel.

We had a hotel.

The Castle Hotel.

Good.

I want to do one more, and then this will be my last one.

I hope eventually I'll get some stuff.

Okay.

Castle Hotel.

Wait, I didn't copy that right.

And this is in Aberdeenshire.

Oh, Aberdeenshire.

It's Scotland.

She's right with her Scottish accent.

Back from the dead, I'm invincible

I'll probably do it in London, you know what I mean?

Hello?

Yeah, yeah, hello

Listen, I was there a couple nights ago

And basically got thrown out about this sort of hour

Are you the manager?

Or are you like, what's your position there?

The house

Why do you sound like you've been sleeping?

But shouldn't you be working?

You're not really supposed to be sleeping while you're working

No, we are at the moment

And the phone rang

uh right well listen look um i'm looking for something to stick up my ass i was wondering

if you can help yeah basically like i was i was thinking maybe i'll come in um and like the two

of us we can just look for random we can just hunt for little objects we're going like like

an easter egg hunt and we'll just look for things to put up my ass could you could you do that with

me but why it would be fun you would enjoy it maybe we could like find like a fork or something

you stick a fork up my ass yeah yeah i know it's a hotel i know i know just maybe you can you can

like fist me have you ever fisted a man before you're fisting or we can fist each other maybe

i can fist you would you like to be fisted i'm sorry is there anything that you need

yeah yeah yeah i just i listen i want to come in the hotel honestly genuinely want to come in there

and you and i will just have a little walk around and we'll just look for little things to stick up

my ass yeah we start with small things yeah like coins cutlery and then we'll get a bit bigger

plates then maybe a few chairs maybe the table let me stick a fucking sofa up my ass you know

That'll do it

I'm looking for something to stick up my ass

I have lots of things

Fucking brilliant

That's awesome

I'll help you, Jen

Yeah, alright, thanks

Yeah, Morgan will help

I got lots of stuff

Yeah, you got that big giant

I have that 18 inch black dildo

Oh, nice

Does that not get painful?

I don't know, it's never been used on me

Or attempted even

Oh, really? Why have you got it, then?

Uh, well...

Does someone want to, like, break it to Jin what I do for work?

Oh, yeah, no, no, no, I remember you talking about it.

It's okay.

Yeah, hello, is this the Italy White House Hotel?

This is the White House Hotel, correct?

Okay.

I'm asking you a question. Do you speak English?

No.

Ah, Fungale Butana. Does someone speak English there?

Fuck them.

Alright, if they don't speak English, I can't work with that.

I don't have any... Maybe he does and he's being ignorant. I don't know.

sorry here's another white house a lot of white houses uh white house in italy another one good

okay oh that's where the hookers are again yeah i think i'm gonna style this maybe you can you

can like fist me but fisted amanda for uh perhaps no i haven't that's so funny you could be my first

it's not me it's general you can still be my first though if you want yeah yeah we can do that

she comes to london i'm coming to london i said when are you coming to london uh in the

winter hopefully in this winter spring winter i'm trying i'm trying to figure that out i'm

sorting it all out figure it out and tell me i mean she's trying to get the money together

no no no who do you think i am i have the money together trying to sort out like

someone's got to feed long time well yeah my lease is up in october so i'm just trying to

to figure out logistics yeah hi you speak English please please yeah please yes I'm staying here at

the White House I'm a guest you know uh-huh yes uh where can I find uh I want sex I want to have

sex with a woman where can I find butana you know butana putana where can I find

The number is not right.

Restaurant.

Here, restaurant.

Uh-huh, okay.

And where's the butana?

Where?

Where is butana for me?

I want butana.

Return.

Return?

You, you, you.

Me.

Uh-huh.

What?

Number, number, new number.

Uh-huh.

This is not good.

This number.

My number's not good.

Your number.

Wrong number?

No number.

No this.

This number.

New number.

Hey, fuck you.

Okay?

Fuck you?

Yes.

Yeah, fuck you.

Okay.

Okay, motherfucker.

Maybe you can, like, fist me.

Have you ever fisted a man before?

Yes, yes.

Awesome.

Okay, thank you, sir.

I'm done.

Yes.

Learn to speak English.

All right, bye.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, my God.

This fucking soundboard is brilliant.

Wow.

No, it's not a soundboard yet, but I'll put it into software soon.

And once I get enough clips, I can take up to 22 clips in the program I've written so far.

That's fucking legendary.

You just sort of insert it randomly.

He does this shit all the time.

I'll be on Dwight's show, and he's repeating stuff, and I think the guy is still talking.

I used to do it to the people that I called, so I used to record them

and make clips of what they were saying, and then I would play it back to them.

Yeah, the Indian guys.

there was one call that got over 10 000 hits on youtube nice um it was like the bengali call um

it was so funny but it was mostly bengali so i'm trying to i'm swearing at these guys in bengali

and it's like they're talking to each other but it's just the fucking voice of another person

my favorite example of that that you did was the the one credit agency what was that called

oh robinson way robinson way that's dude that was great that shit i need to do more of those

motherfuckers. I wish I had the time now to

just do more shows.

Robinson Way was awesome.

I got another hotel in the Irish Republic.

This is an Irish hotel. Dwight, are

you ready yet? You doing good? Oh, yeah.

You want to do? Okay, you've been quiet.

You okay, honey baby? Oh, I'm fine.

He says, oh, I'm fine, but really he's

getting ready to murder some motherfucker.

Are this hotels speaking? Yeah, this is the hotel.

Let's see here. I need to be

transferred to a room. I need to be transferred

to a room. What did you say?

What? What did you say, sorry? Room.

I need to be transferred to room.

You want a room for tonight?

Yes.

No, but we are full.

Well, you better kick someone out and make room for me, motherfucker, you dirty Irish bastard.

Okay.

I know, that was kind of weird, Dwight.

My bad.

I'm going to sit up here.

Ooh, Dead Horse Electrics.

There we go.

That's what I'm talking about.

Dead Horse Machine.

On top.

Oh, dear.

Your international call cannot be completed as dialed.

Yeah, maybe I'm not dialing it right.

Alright, so much for the whores.

Sorry, Lonesome, couldn't do that one.

Uh, Bunny's Hopper's Takeaway in Australia.

This seems to be a food establishment in Australia.

I'm getting ready to call it quits because I've been tired.

It's been three hours and it's midnight.

If anyone wants to do a prank,

you don't want this chance.

It's coming up.

The time is coming.

One time.

Morgan sounds like you.

Yeah, sorry.

What's it called?

Hi. Hello. You have the bunnies?

Bunny?

Yeah.

I think you call Long Mamba.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Bunny Hopper's Takeaway? You have the bunnies, right?

No, no, no, no.

What is this? What is this place? Who am I? Who are you? Who am I? What is this?

What?

No, who are you? Who are you?

Well, who are you?

What are you? Where are you from? Who are you?

Well, who are you and where do you come from?

Me?

Yes, you.

Me?

I come from far away.

You come from where?

Yeah, far away.

Far away.

Yeah, but which dirty country do you come from?

No, I'm asking you the questions, so you answer.

You don't ask more questions, okay?

Comprende?

Capisce?

Got it?

Sir?

hello yeah so where do you come from why why are you asking me where you come from don't worry

about the reasons i'm asking just answer the fucking question okay well what the fuck can't

you don't call me again okay listen you don't you don't swear you don't make the swear words at me

mister okay i'm busy okay don't call me again you don't be fucking rude okay you answer the

woman's questions when she asks them okay you understand i'm quilo i'm a quilo you understand

No, I don't understand.

Don't call me again.

Okay, so you're not from dirty China.

Let's see.

What country, what dirty country are you from?

Anyang, Haseo?

Is he still there?

No, he's not.

Okay.

Someone else, sorry.

I had no idea where to go.

That was like the wrong number.

You tried to say hello in Korean at the end.

Anyang, Haseo.

Yeah, well, I was trying to figure out where he was from.

Anyang.

Yeah, you know, that was the wrong number,

and I have no idea where I got that copy paste.

It was totally a random number that came up.

I think he has the potential to really unleash on a man if a man calls in and is rude to him next.

Possibly.

Hey, I saved the number, by the way.

I was like, hey, let me save this number.

Yeah, I have a feeling that he'll get very angry.

You idiot.

Are you calling him?

Yeah, I'm calling this dude back.

Someone can be my boyfriend.

The long number.

Hello?

You idiot.

Hello?

yeah how are you good good yeah yeah what you're doing why how come what do you mean why what i

said what are you doing why what do you mean why i can because i'm asking you can't you answer the

question okay what the are you doing hey you hey you too you can't what do you mean you

your mother maybe you can like fist me if you have a fist to the man

oh that's weird i think he said call he said call back yeah he did yeah it was in there somewhere

Hey, guys.

Yeah, I like how he immediately was like, fuck off.

Baz!

Baz is here!

Hello, hello, hello.

Hey, man.

Baz, are you playing Fantasy Football?

I'll talk to you about it later.

I'm looking for something to stick up my arse.

You know what works really good? Cucumbers or carrots?

It's so fucking general, come on.

Oh, well, I know.

Can you use birthday candles?

You can use, well, it's better to use, like, the long tapered candles,

and then you can play a game

you light the candles

I should never have done this

now Jen's forever going to be known for archery

and sticking things up his thumb

candles, lit candles

yeah those big taper ones you light them in there

yeah I make slaves do that

I make them like break it in half

and then stick it up their ass and light it

yeah maybe maybe

fuck you

that might hurt

but then yeah the fun part of it is that you have to try to come

before the burning candle

reaches your anus.

What the fuck?

A little pressure there.

It's a game.

Yeah, it's fun.

It's a game.

It's fun.

What the fuck is this?

You've got to have

the mental toughness, you know?

Yeah.

The stamina

and the control.

Yeah.

Very important.

The perversion.

What's the weirdest shit

you've encountered, Ms. Morgan?

I was telling, like,

Tom Green asked me that

when I was, like,

on his show last week

and there's a guy

who I used to do sessions

with all the time

who would stick

stick three large-sized

apples up his ass, and then

shoot them out of his ass.

And then he had an

Altoid tin of really

dull sewing needles, and he

would then proceed to stick them

through his testicles.

But they were very dull,

and he didn't wash his hands in between

handling the

shit-covered apples, and then

piercing. Yeah, it's not good.

That's fucking disgusting.

That's some freaking shit right there.

Wow.

Did you ever get permanent damage?

I imagine that can be good.

There's a guy who actually injected his testicles with rubbing alcohol,

so it's called a chemical castration.

Ow!

A chemical castration?

Oops.

A chemical castration.

And, yeah, so now he cannot produce, like, viable sperm.

Yeah, there was a bill in Florida they were trying to pass.

If you were a child molester, they would chemically castrate you,

and it was a big deal.

I don't think that's a bad idea.

Except it would be really horrible if that happened to an innocent person.

Yeah, exactly.

But then again, we kill them anyway here in the state.

I guess some guys inject saline in there, right?

Yeah.

They had an article on vice.com the other day where one of the reporters went in and did that.

Vice is like a hipster bullshit website.

Yeah, just to get big balls.

I mean, anybody can write a Vice article and probably get it on there.

I like Vice.

Well, I watch Vice videos.

I don't read the articles, but the videos I do get into.

I mean, the articles, I think pretty much most of their stuff is freelance submitted, probably.

I don't know.

What killed Vice for me was their guy who reviews drugs.

He is like the biggest hipster prick, and all he wants to do is punch his fucking head in.

I think I know who you're talking about.

He looks kind of Indian, kind of.

I think I know who you're talking about.

He's a really scrawny white guy.

Oh, really scrawny white.

And he has a really annoying voice.

He talks really slow.

He, like, talks down to people.

He thinks he's, like, hot shit.

Oh, fuck him.

I got two numbers.

Well, I got more numbers, but I'm thinking only two more here.

Quacks Cafe in Australia.

Restaurant here.

Whatever.

Oh, yeah.

Excited.

Let me see what I did.

Yeah, I don't know.

Never mind.

Quality training solutions.

Business training.

Okay.

All right.

Quality training solutions.

Anybody?

That's a weird one.

Oh, my God.

I will give one more try

and then I'm quitting

because it's getting warm in this room.

I'm going to open the doors.

I don't do the show with the doors open

because of the noise.

You need to get yourself

a portable air conditioner.

Yeah, Dwight was talking to me about that once.

Yeah, it sounds like a good idea.

I'm just worried about it making too much noise

inside.

They're not that loud.

If I turn on...

Well, the first thing I got to do is get some LED lights.

Because I asked Morgan about this around the same time.

Because you have some, I think you said.

Yeah, I have a lot of them, actually.

Yeah, they don't give off the heat.

No, not at all.

They don't give off the heat, and they reduce your power bill.

But the downside is they cost a lot more.

Yeah, but I just get them from China websites, like AliExpress or whatever.

They're pretty cheap.

Well, they last longer, too, don't they?

Oh, yeah, they last a super long time.

they'll like last the length of your the age of your house or something there you go yeah i have

like awesome color changing ones with remotes and then like there's ones that are like speakers as

well as lights at the same time they're pretty that's cool yeah that's cool and they're bluetooth

speakers yeah oh that's cool yeah so you can stream all over the house or we have yeah exactly

that's really cool actually yeah there you go uh well bass thanks for coming on man i'll talk

about the fantasy football thing all right sorry you didn't get to do a prank yeah i'll just uh

uh i'll send you a message on your skype yeah skype chat sounds good jen you're good thanks

for being on it was fun hey have a good night yeah good hearing you yeah i'm sorry for the

one person that didn't actually enjoy me maybe have a fist to the man before that guy yeah don't

worry about it i'll duel him i will fight him do i do you have anything to announce you have

anything going on nope got any more cam pranks you know why i put one out yesterday

as well as uh that crazy andrea bitch i put out the video for her call yesterday

apparently george followed her on twitter and retweeted all her shit george fucking

follows everyone he's he's a fucking mongoloid that's funny anyway hey i gotta i'll get going

thanks uh general thanks for being on good night morgan all right thank you

milkman are you there can you hear me i don't think milkman's just stuck on the

I'm calling back.

Milkman's not picking up.

I'm sorry.

The person you were trying to reach has a voicemail box.

All right, then I'll just get out of here.

What does Milkman say at the end?

Oh, God, what does he say?

If you got the time, we got the dime.

If you got the dime, we got the time.

Oh, manito.

Generalissimo.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, Carlito.

Thanks for a great show, man.

You did another really awesome show.

it was a really long one and everybody

enjoyed themselves I hope you all had fun

and find us again here

next week at the same time or maybe just

find Carlito here

well definitely me hopefully once something happens

he's leaving me voicemails

on my shit on my

cell phone but I'm calling him back up

and I won't pick up

here I'll play his voicemail

I should tell him leave a voicemail with your goodbye

he has a silence voicemail

he didn't leave anything

Alright, I'll try to call him one last time

And then we're done

Hey, there you are

I was about to give up

I keep trying to connect to you here

I'm having all kinds of problems

It's okay, I'm sorry

I'm ending the show though

We got your back though

So you can say goodbye

Hold on

And I'm trying to get connected

Oh no

It's because you're using a Bluetooth thing, man

Yeah, I have to use a Bluetooth because that sounds like shit.

It's not.

Oh, okay.

You hear me?

All right, so can you get us, take us out of here?

Yeah, I said to stop playing, so roll out of courtesy.

Yeah.

And if I would stay in my lane, I swear purposely.

Milkman.

All right, how about now?

Can you hear me now?

Yeah, take us out of here quickly because I'm tired, man.

All right, bro.

All right.

All right, honey baby, honey baby.

Well, thank you so much, everybody.

I'd like to thank everybody.

What did I tell you?

I'm going to have an action-packed show.

Richard Jen Stewart, our crazy hermano, Generalissimo, our leader,

and all our crazy friends that joined us after I got connected.

Thank you so much.

All our friends over there at 98.6 The Mouth, I'd like to thank,

especially my good friend there and all my good friends over at 98.6 The Mouth.

and like to thank everybody for stopping in especially you that's right we do this every

week most interactive show you can find right here on the internet we ask you to stop to dine

we ask you to give us the time bring a friend or better yet bring an enemy they're always welcome

right here in the madhouse and we couldn't do it without our fearless leaders you know the man

monito thank you so much man you're saving lives one call at a time my brother man

man.

Yep.

Me all,

man.

Yep.

Thanks.

Thanks to everyone.

All right.

You know,

I'm having a pain in the pain,

so.

It's all right.

Thank you so much for bearing with me.

All right.

Thanks,

bud.

All right.

Now we're out of here.

We said goodbye like a thousand times.

See you guys later.

Love you,

brother.

Love you,

brother.

Calls (32, 1 h 26 min of 2 h 42 min)

Transcript

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