Are You Milkwoman?

You come over here and I'll kick your ass.

One, I've got a bad echo.

And three, I don't want to hear you chewing in my ear.

So if you've got some questions, ask me the questions.

I'm diabetic.

You're listening to Madhouse Live.

I'm the largest prank call station in the nation.

Prank call nation.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the May event.

The evening.

Hey!

Bye-bye.

Have a great day.

Too bad they don't answer.

Now we have dogs just going.

Hey, everybody.

This is Madhouse Radio.

I'm the host of Madhouse Radio.

My name, of course, is Carlito.

It has been all along.

Thank you for tuning in tonight.

We'll be getting to some prank calls here, hopefully.

Let's try that number again and see if they answer.

Oops.

This is someone selling somethings.

A thing.

In the meantime, I can report, of course, that we're on MadhouseLive.com.

and uh over there you can subscribe to the podcast and all the good things that happen

at the podcast that's the weekly uh version of this show that you're listening to you're

more than likely statistically you probably are a podcast podcast listener to this to this show

and not a actual live listener but if you're listening live subscribe to the podcast in case

you miss a show you know what i mean because if you were to happen to miss a show that'd be

unfortunate but you still have a chance to listen to this show because podcast forum it's basically

basically it's just a list of uh it's a listing of all the episodes of the show going back to 2005

and i think you should be able to get them all if you go to the madhouse live website anyway you can

and download them directly

or more quicker ways to download

via the RSS feed

you should be able to figure that out

there's plenty of links there

in order for you to do that

but I'm pretty sure

there are some shows from late

2005

early 2006

that may be missing

that didn't make it to edited form

I gotta find

I gotta look and see if I can find those

but I was going through them

and I found some really funny

Crazy Fucker stuff

and I wanted to play one of them, actually.

As a matter of fact, here.

Listen to this. This is really funny.

I wanted to play this before I forgot.

Crazy Fucker, how you doing?

Oh, no, the Syndicate chat room is crashing.

I don't know why. I'm working on it.

Should I cherry? Should I fruit?

Fuck, man.

Man, you're down eating cherries

like the trees, huh?

And the fucking worms in the ground, man.

Fuck yeah, man. Fuck that.

Fuck, I don't eat meat, dude.

I eat fucking buffalo.

Buffaloes, huh?

Like chuck meat.

You like chuck meat?

Fuck meat.

So you don't eat meat?

I said you eat meat.

I eat fucking meat, but I don't eat Kentucky Fried Chicken either.

Fuck, this is just crazy fucker going off, guys.

Yeah, so I'm going to edit, I think it's like five, four or five shows.

I could be wrong there.

But it's something like that, somewhere around four or five.

So I'm going to actually try to edit those as soon as I can

and get those uploaded back to see if I can get them back on the website.

I think they were available at one point unedited for a short period of time,

and they would have come down for one reason or another.

I don't remember why exactly.

I think it was just a technical issue, and I skipped over it

when I was doing a reset of the whole archive system way back when.

But I found them because the numbers weren't matching up.

so i'm gonna release those as lost episodes or something um i'll try to work on that here soon

yeah yeah it's on my list of things to do and i'll get to them i'll get to them honestly i will

uh anyway let's try to call that number again see if we can get some action on that craigslist

very excited about speaking to them bees they have bees honeybees to be specific

hi this is jam i can't take your call right now but if

all right i'll try one more time because there was a big gap in between the two tries

so that resets the limit

i relent fine i relent you know i didn't make a note of that number that we called

uh last week the guy the crazy guy not the crazy guy the guy that i had meet me at the walmart

parking lot um that ad should still be online let me see what's that from that was from last

friday let me check date numbers out here all right that would have been the fourth all right

i'm looking at the fourth odd jobs here we go i got the odd jobs guy i found him all right it's

It's called Odd Jobs because I'm trying to see.

I felt bad, and I was trying to get him to give us a way to either PayPal him or MoneyGram him

because a lot of the listeners were really interested.

It was a fun call, but then again, we want to help him out.

He seemed sincere when he was saying that he has a newborn baby and he's on rough times.

He's looking for work.

So we had our fun, but we're not cruel here.

and it was uh i don't know it's all busy now i'll try your call again later i think it's because i

forgot the area code when i dial properly the phone calls work want some loser checking in

with some numbers all right let's loser welcome to verizon wireless the number you dialed has

has been changed, disconnected, or is no longer in service.

No!

If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and try

your call again.

Announcement to switch 93-1.

No.

Welcome to Verizon Wireless.

The number you dialed has been changed, disconnected, or is no longer in service.

If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and try your

call again.

Announcement to switch 93-1.

Oh, he hasn't been able to pay his bill, so we've lost him.

We've lost him.

somewhere redialing it's gonna hang up i don't know who it's calling anyway uh so yeah it's stuff

like that you know that we try to do that sucks maybe well if if he changed it because he found

the site or something hey man come on come in our chat room and if you uh message me your phone

number then i'll know it's you and we'll send you money yes if you send me your numbers i can

confirm it to you and call me or i call you or skype or something then then uh yes so if that

guy's out there somewhere listens at some point please do that sir um all right let's get to some

more numbers current numbers rather i'll just look at lonesomes that is my plan for right now

visit the most beautiful place in the world so yeah it is the 19th anniversary of tupac dying

He died tonight, 19 years ago, to be 20 years next year.

Man, I feel old.

That was my senior year of high school.

I had just started senior year of high school.

So, I've got a whole bunch of Tupac music selected tonight.

We can all enjoy, be happy, sing together, take our pants off.

Later tonight, we'll have a pants-off, dance-off, and tiny chat.

That's over at tinychat.com

Slash prank call nation

Matt Hillock is really excited

He's the current pants off dance off champion

He won our last

PLA pants off dance off competition

I believe that was back on 420

That we held that the night of 420

It was really high

That was a good night

So we're having another one here

We're having our end of summer

I can't even sit this shit with a straight face anymore.

All right, don't stop.

Sorry.

So, yeah, Matt Hillock will be dancing with his pants off later tonight

over at tinychat.com slash prankhallnation.

Don't miss it.

And enter for a free Matt Hillock-themed shirt from his spread shirt.

Free shipping included.

Matt Hillock himself will be paying for it.

I want to thank Matt for offering that sale on his website for tonight's charity that we've got going on.

All right, let's continue.

Street parking

I am a single professional working male

Who is searching for a roommate

To help with the rent

I have one bedroom for a roommate

To help with the rent

I have one bedroom available

For $250 a month

Plus utilities

Must have a

A full-time job, no pets, no smoking, drink once in a while is fine.

I like watching movies and hanging out and having a few drinks after work,

but not getting plastered to the wall, LOL.

So if you think this could work, contact me by Fon, P-H-O-N, and then his phone number.

all right i'm just 20 some odd years i done lost my love man it just he sounds good like he's gonna

be cool at least a cool dude he's got potential high potential with his head sounds like a this

person sounds like another michelle clevenger

hello hey how are you hi hey hey you're looking for a roommate yeah i'm a bank branch manager

and i'm splitting up so i gotta find a new place to crash at for a while you know

yeah so um am i sharing a room or is this for just for a single room for me

it'll be my own room you're i'm having trouble hearing you honey baby do you uh have a bad cell

right now uh there you go now i hear you good i heard you good for a while oh there you go yeah

i hear you now hey bubba how you doing awesome yeah i don't smoke or nothing like that i don't

do drugs hard drugs or nothing and i love movies i have a collection of dvds i have 892

of them actually i have them catalogued on an excel spreadsheet that i can share with you

if you want to see what i got i bring i got a whole separate uh yeah separate thing for it

i'm a i'm a famous youtube video blogger so i actually have a whole lot of camera machines

Machines, yeah, for my room and wallpapers and green screen.

And my room usually is, I just wanted to see with you,

what I do is I have a couch with a bed built in, you know.

So when I'm not sleeping, then I put it back up, you know,

and then that's where I sit and I do my show machine, you know.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

And I have all my accessories, my water-based lubricants

and my um prophylactics everything right there on the like a coffee table right in front okay

yeah we all have you pass it back and you don't have any felonies or nothing like that

no no we all have our pens our papers our lubricants our prophylactics and uh like a

stack of clean hand towels always have those available on set when we're doing a show what

What are you talking about?

We have all this.

This is how my room is set up.

I have a coffee table in front of the sofa in the room.

And on that room, we have our pens, our pencils, our pads of paper, our prophylactics, our water-based lubricants.

And there's like a stack of warm, steamed, white hand towels.

Okay.

What's a prophylactic?

Like condoms, you know?

uh yeah male condoms or the female condom also so do you like run a porn business no no it's

it's just it's a review show it's a review show it's just for reviews okay yeah we just do a

review show okay yeah do you like uh do you like youtube and things like that it's like it's like

a youtube site when you go there it ends in tube you know it's real legit it's legit yeah i watch

you too yeah that's right like uh when you are you trying to find a roommate is that what this is

well i'm coming i'm coming to stay there with you big guy you know that's where i'm gonna stay

no i don't think that but you have the you have the available room i thought

you have available room but you have to pass a screening through my landlord

yeah i will why won't i i don't have any felonies i don't have any drugs in me

just because I like to have sex

where do you work at?

well you're jealous that I like to have sex a lot

I work at the Bank of America

the branch

I'm the branch manager for two

at the locations I travel in between the two

in Portsmouth?

yep

sounds like a legitimate job

I wear a suit and tie every day

I look good and I come home

and I do a lot of fucking

are you straight?

I'm pansexual.

What's that?

Pansexual means I have no sexual limits whatsoever.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Wow.

I don't know.

I don't know, dude.

I'm pretty straight.

I know that.

Well, I'm not attracted to you, you know?

I mean, I'm going to consider you more like the principal there of the school, like some asshole.

Fuck that.

I'm not an asshole.

Yeah, but, you know, when I'm talking to people, like, yeah, there's a fucking guy.

know that motherfucker you know are you drunk dude am i what have you been drinking no no i had

a one rum and coke about two hours ago oh yeah yep and i had these beers called big flats big

flat big flats yeah it's it's 4.99 for the six pack it's 4.99 for the six pack yeah i went to

I went to the Walgreens, and they're actually pretty good.

They have a brown lager and a regular pale ale.

And I think it's Walgreens brand.

They call it Big Flats.

So you know I'm located in Podo, right?

Yeah.

And you're wanting to come to Podo to live?

Yeah, that's fine.

I can travel.

That's fine.

I have a Nissan.

I drive a Nissan.

Okay.

I drive an old Chevy Astra, and I have a car for going out.

I have a Dodge Caliber.

Oh, you drive a piece of shit.

I drive a Nissan.

It's better than a Chrysler and a Dodge put together.

It's not better than a Chevy.

That includes Chevy, Chrysler, and Dodge.

You lump in Chevy with that also.

Put in all General Motors in that, what I just said, motherfucker.

Who do you think you are talking to me like that, giving me a lip?

He's like, oh, I don't want him.

I don't want him now.

You ain't going to talk to me like that.

Well, I hope you guys enjoyed that call.

I kind of did.

In the chat room, I'm told that we cannot insult his truck.

That's right.

I cannot insult his truck.

How dare I?

Yeah, so we got Parkman numbers and we got Lonesome Loser numbers.

Yeah.

We're doing good.

That was the first of the Lonesome Loser Numbers.

Let me copy the rest of those here real quick.

And then, and then after that, I will be pasting it into a document that I have going here.

Professional working male.

I thought for sure he was going to be on the head of a, he was going to have a touch of gay.

And for a while there, I thought, I still had hope.

But he turned out to be very not so.

All right, so what we got next here is an upstairs bedroom for Rhett in an older home.

It's three blocks away from, looks like some kind of Air Force base.

Totally furnished, built-in desk.

Nice.

Single bed, lamps, area rugs, chair, bedding, built-in bookshelves.

two large windows view of large oak tree all right i'm not gonna get into all of this it's a lot of

but look the rent is 285 plus a 150 refundable deposit where it also includes netflix water

trash electric gas wi-fi washer and dryer please text call that number okay we'll call you instead

said a woman answered there when lonesome tested it and now we will talk hey how you doing hey how

you doing doing okay good let's see you have a room for rent yes i do it's um very nice i'm

excited about that um how far away from the base is it from the base yeah the air force station

Is it for UAFS?

No, it's...

United Air Force Station.

Yeah, that's where I work.

College here in Fort Smith.

Oh, it's not the United Air Force Station?

No.

Oh, shit.

It's the UA Fort Smith College.

Well, I work at the United Air Force Station.

How far away is that from me?

Where is the Air Force Base?

United Air Force Station.

Oh, shit.

I don't know.

Where are you?

Is this by the school?

It's near the college in Portsmouth, Arkansas.

All right, yeah, I know where the college is.

Yeah, that's not bad.

Other side of town.

Yeah, it's pretty far from the airport.

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

Yeah.

So it might be too far.

Well, you have all the built-in furniture and all that, right?

Yes.

All right, well, I don't need that.

I don't need that.

part of it you know you could take that out and bring the rent down a little bit uh no it's all

built in you can't i can't take it out i could take it i'm good i work with a hammer i can work

with a hammer i'm a man i work with my hands for a living i'll take them out for you honey i'll put

them in another room or i'll put them away you know put them back in when i'm done but i don't

need that yeah well i don't think this is suited for you i don't need that i don't need that and

And you got the death key? I don't need that.

I don't need no death.

Well, it's already. That's how it comes.

I don't have a computer.

Well, that's how it comes.

Oh, shit. What the fuck am I going to do with this shit?

We got to get our shit out of there.

Oh, what character is that?

I imagine some dude from the Louisiana Bayou.

I got to try to remember that voice because that was fun.

imagine a big bellied guy from louisiana lives out in the fucking swamp

i don't know this shit i cast gators

i have a frog gig and then i cast gators

um large unfurnished bedroom for rent with a walk-in closet 12 acres with a pool

pond and fpl and fpl pool and fpl fpl what uh chat room can you help out what is fpl

yeah i don't need that uh i don't need no fpl hey it's more crazy fucker no we didn't want that

fat pussy lips that i don't think that's what it is you don't you don't really think that's

That's what it is, dude.

We'll see.

We'll get a big fat pussy with that.

All right, I'll go with that.

Front porch light.

Free Preacher Luigi.

Front paper lighter.

Fireplace?

Maybe fireplace.

All right, Jasper.

I'll go with fireplace.

All right, we'll see who wins.

Fireplace lounge.

Oh, nice, nice.

I can do my studying there with my iPad.

I already forgot the voice.

I already forgot the voice, guys. I don't remember it.

I forgot it.

But, uh, I'll try it again.

That damn circuit.

I must be mis-dialing it.

Yes, I see what I did.

Failed to copy one of the digits.

There we go.

This show would be so much better if I didn't script the dialing.

I tell ya.

Yeah,

hi.

How you doing?

Yeah, I see you got an unfurnished basement for rent.

You got an unfurnished basement for rent?

Oh, I don't have a basement.

I don't have a basement in my house.

I did have a room for rent on Craigslist.

Shit.

Yeah, it's already been taken.

Shit.

Yeah, shit got taken?

Shit.

Aw, who took that shit?

Who took that motherfucker?

I'm going to fuck him up.

I'm going to come over.

What's your address?

I'm going to come beat him up.

You come over here, and I'll kick your ass.

I'm going to, but not before I kick that person.

And I'll let my Doberman eat the pieces, okay?

Ah, fuck you, Doberman.

I got a mace.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah.

Come on over.

I got a Doberman pincher.

Hey, Doberman.

Fuck Dobermans.

Dobermans are just big.

chihuahuas that's all they are stupid motherfuckers kick them right in the teeth kick them right

there's no reason anyone here should get mauled by a dog should be able to destroy the dog break

it if that ever happens you should consider yourself a failure and allow yourself to die

all right coming up next english bull terrier puppies all right while we're on the subject

big time guys we're good males and females available rehoming fee required they were born

on the 12th the 12th you can't give those up yet yeah you're gonna take this away from their mama

already you can't do that they have to stay with their mama for a while that's that's mean

well what date is it now is it today the 12th the day after males and females available rehoming

feed they were born yesterday seven puppies available please call or text for more info

oh man i want to find out man because that's you don't don't do that to the puppies they have to

they suffer man animals suffer if you take them away from their uh parents i mean that's if you're

going to rehome them or sell them or put them up for adoption or whatever you're going to do

at least let them stay with their mom at least hopefully they're both parents if you can but

But if not, if it's a broken household, then there's the mom.

It's got to be a few weeks.

There's recommended times, but I think it's like at least six weeks or something.

If you do it before that, you end up with kittens that aren't fully developed correctly, like, behaviorally.

They have, like, they'll shit everywhere.

They don't know properly how to, you know, not spray, use a litter box, stuff like that.

It just, you shouldn't do that.

sometimes they have eating problems or they get sick because they're not getting the right type

of nutrients they would get from their mom the anti-bi natural anti-bi stuff so yeah let them

stay until they're well weaned off all right i'll get off my soapbox and we'll try to call the

number now this is what tupac would say he'd be like y'all dog man

Yeah, hey, how you doing? You got them puppy?

Puppy? You got some puppy?

Yeah, just one second.

Oh, fuck.

Just one second. My wife let you know about it.

Oh, okay, sir. Thank you.

Uh-huh.

A culo.

A puppy. Somebody call for a puppy.

Hi.

Mira. Mira. Hello.

Hello.

Hello, Mira. I saw that you have the puppies. They were born yesterday?

uh-huh and when how soon can i have them um they won't be ready to go for about eight weeks

god damn it motherfucker that's right you know because that's how long it's supposed to take

i'm so happy that you're waiting that long and you're a responsible person okay i'm calling from

a sting operation from cnbc radio and you're you're live on the radio right now and we're doing a

sting operation to find people who rehome or adopt or give away their pets their pet uh litters of

kittens or puppies before they've been properly weaned off and they end up with behavioral

problems okay and they suffer and you you passed you won okay all right did you have anything you

you wanted to say regarding um regarding that like a message to anybody well everybody needs to

wait until they're eight weeks before they leave them they're not properly socialized that's right

they'll be more aggressive do what i'm sorry they'll be more aggressive dog machines and cat

machines it could be yeah they'll become more sexually aggressive because they haven't been

properly cultured sexually among their litter and learn the values of abstinence like jesus christ

our lord would want us to have and how jesus christ our lord teaches our animals to do

naturally in the wild where they don't perform bisexual and homosexual acts upon each other

and we find more and more that many of these animals when they've been given up for adoption

or for sale or rehoming before the eight weeks too early they end up performing homosexual and

bisexual acts trying to mate with their owners or other humans as a sign of dominance or just

us for a sexual pleasure um they basically where did you say you were calling from from cnbc radio

my name is dr cross i'm the animal expert we're on cnbc radio all right then well um thanks for

calling all right uh you weren't aware of that the sexual that's that's the thing um i've never

heard that before and then what happens is you get these owners perverted owners who look for

animals like that, and they want to get them

early. She had enough.

Let me see if I can get her again.

3, 1.

Alright, we're not going to give out

the phone number.

Uh,

let me see if I can get Milkman

on the line.

I tried to call him twice today,

and I didn't get answers.

And I can't leave voicemails

because his voicemail is full.

So I end up starting the show without him.

Now he shows up. Now he's calling.

Hey, Manu, Manu, Manu, call me back.

Hey, Manu, Manu, motherfucker, motherfucker.

Hey, boy.

What's up?

Hey, we're on the air.

Yeah, my friend.

Are you alive?

My goodness gracious.

Listen, when I call you and you don't pick up, I can't leave you a voicemail because your voicemail box is full or not set up yet, it says.

Yeah, I know, but like, I know it's just like if you did it any time ahead of time or just...

No, I tried twice today.

You're an important customer.

I tried twice today.

I'm sorry, you tried twice, dude.

I mean, that's a lot of effort.

You've been impressed.

Pick up some dude here, man.

So you'll have to give me a minute, okay?

All right, honey baby.

Mr. Angry Pants.

All right, I don't know where in the hell he's at,

so it looks like I'm going to have to call him now.

Okay, Mr. Angry Pants, bye.

Hold on, I think I got him here.

Okay, hold on.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

No, I never, never, never had a motor up in this.

Hey, you should yell at him.

Yell at him. Say, hey, motherfucker.

Motherfucker.

Yeah, motherfucker.

Say, hey, motherfucker.

You stupid

motherfucker.

Customer.

Alright, Obi.

Hey, you have some chocolate labs?

Yeah.

Stupid motherfucker.

How much they going for a real home fee?

$750?

Yep.

How big are them boys?

They're 90 pounds.

90 pounds?

Yep.

All right.

How big are their sexual organs?

Yay.

Stupid call.

Because I like the pink labia myself.

The chocolate labia.

I like even the purple labia, too.

Good, man. Milkman likes them girls so dark that they're purple.

Yeah, man. Let's do that.

Them sexual organs.

Purple. Milkman likes them purple.

Wow.

Black cat. He's seven and is a very good house cat.

All right. A black cat.

Buroneko. Yes.

He comes with a cat box and litter, food, treats, and cat bowls.

Man is...

All right.

You don't echo, buddy.

Those are good luck.

Mom is 87.

Can't take care of him anymore.

Oh.

Please need him gone.

What color is the eyes?

You got to find out what color eyes you got.

Why?

Why is it important?

Why?

Because it'll give you an idea like how black a cat he really is, man.

What's blackest?

What's the blackest?

Purple?

Those dark green fucking eyes?

You got a black cat machine?

Cat machine.

Yes.

Looking for that black cat machine.

Oh, a black cat to give away.

That'll do.

All right.

And how old is the cat?

Seven?

And how many months do you think?

You got any idea?

I don't have any idea how many months he is.

All right.

And it's a good cat.

Female?

She don't spray?

Male.

No, it's a male cat.

Male cat.

And he's fixed?

He's got his pecker fixed?

Right.

His ball?

His testicle there?

he's gone all right uh is he declawed yes his front paws are declawed all right we're gonna

be taking care of them back ones then i'll be taking care of that all right uh how's his teeth

he got a good teeth oh yes sir as far as i know he does i'm gonna check them teeth i'm gonna check

them teeth when i get there i'm gonna force his mouth open no i'm gonna force his mouth open look

at all his teeth for a few minutes all right what color is the eyes his eyes i don't know i'm really

type of tension no really my mom's cat if it has do you think they're green shut up shut up do you

think they're green yellow golden no i need to know because depending on the color is how

satanic the cat is um and we're looking for a very satanic black cat to use in our dark mass

We need him to preside over the Book of the Labia during the Black Mass.

I think he has yellow eyes. I'm not sure.

Oh, yes, yes, that's it. The black cat with the yellow eyes.

Did you hear that, Milkman? It's a black cat with the yellow eyes.

That's the one. That's the one.

Oh, delicious.

That's the one, White Devil.

Yes, there's no one.

He's a real good ass cat.

He's a good ass cat?

He can sacrifice mice for us.

Have the cat sacrifice the mice.

Pardon?

No, I'm sorry.

It's a good ass cat, you said?

A good house cat.

All right, all right.

So the cat is seven.

It's spayed, neutered, whatever, right?

It has yellow eyes, right?

Yeah.

Good, good.

So it will bring in the soul of our dark lord to the earth.

We will make the devil rise.

And it is going to take over Fort Smith, the devil, and the streets will run with fire from Satan.

And it will all come from the corpse of this cat.

This is the cat that we will use to get there.

We will use your cat's dark energy through its sacrifice.

sacrifice to rule to have satan rise up and take over and take hold in this town

you're not involved in that we are the ones we are the ones we are the ones that will

all right you know soon it will be halloween milkman i didn't get to explain why they call

you milkman oh man that would have been a good one oh yeah that would have been good

That would have been good.

Oh, well.

Maybe next time.

Someone has a chihuahua, it looks like.

No, blue healer pups.

Full blood blue healer pups.

Rehoming fee 100.

No registered females.

Not registered females only.

Please call or text.

Okay.

Not registered females only?

What, they want females only for the dogs?

Or the dogs came out female?

Whatever.

Let's find out.

Shut up, is what we do.

The person with number 90.

Hello?

Yeah, hey, you got them blue healer puppies?

Yes.

You got them blue healer puppies?

I have three.

What can you tell me about them?

Well, they're seven weeks old.

They've had their shot, wormed.

You know, I've been in their new closet.

Oh, shit, really?

Yeah.

You cut their tails?

Yeah, most blue healers are bald-tailed.

All right.

And how big are their peckers?

Sorry.

Wow, that was stupid.

That was ridiculous.

Why would I do that?

What a waste of a call.

That's the trend tonight.

Wasting my calls, wasting my numbers.

All right, someone needs to find a forever home for a sweet little Chihuahua girl.

Okay.

i half h-a-l-f a five to seven year old chihuahua girl it is a long story but i but i apostrophe a-m

willing to talk about it on the phone or per text rehoming fee 75 she's a sweet little girl

full of love she loves kids adults dogs i'm not sure but cats but i would like to think

shut up motherfucker put the fuck up about your fucking dog i'm gonna take that dog and fucking

kick it in the head let's do that shit come on yeah i want your dick i want your fucking cat

let's hear the story first right yeah hey how you doing honey i see i see you got them uh

them dogs them chihuahua yeah i'm looking to pick up a chihuahua you know for my old lady

she wants a chihuahua uh her chihuahua just done passed away a few months ago and i think it's time

that you know we go ahead and have another one yeah at the moment it needs what i can't hear you

i can't hear you i can't hear you i can't fucking hear you i can't hear you i can't hear you

pardon me i couldn't hear anything you said it all broke up like you were far away but yelling

and i couldn't hear it at all oh i'm sitting down with my phone no take me off speakerphone

please i can't hear you i hear you on speaker now or you got a really bad phone are you milkman

female are you female milkman are you milk woman i don't understand what you're saying

are you milk woman yes are you milk woman

one that's that's you milkman when we try it when i try to talk to you that's you right there

that's the problem

it sounds offensive right are you milk woman like all you're good

all the woman is good for is uh sucking her tits

maybe that's why they call you the milkman

Okay, I'll try one last time.

I got the FU button.

Alright.

Let's see what we got here.

We got for sale old case knives.

knives. I don't know if case

knife is a brand or if it's a case of knives

and they said the wrong thing.

Fuck, man. People gotta learn how to type.

And I'll try them again. They picked up and hung up.

Top of that, right, guys? Well, I hope you guys

are having a good time tonight.

Look, man, I don't know what happened today.

I woke up around 10. I meant to sleep in

a little bit. Woke up around 10.

and it didn't seem like i did much and this thing i know it's six o'clock

i wanted to do a show starting at 6 p.m eastern today

fuck so here i am unable to do the show on the time i wanted so i work on some other stuff that

i absolutely have to take care of before i need to show i had to work out i had to take a shower

had to cook dinner something like that and i thought i can do that all in an hour and i'll

start to show up at seven when i when i'm done with everything like i'm like thinking in my head

oh yeah it must be like seven o'clock now it's 8 20 i'm like fuck fuck me up in the ass man you

know really pissed me off i started yelling at the clock um and then i ripped out the microwave

because it had the clock also the time i ripped it out at the socket the power socket so the time

would go off because i got so mad and then i noticed the stove had a light with the clock on

And I started hitting it with anything I could find.

And I broke the blender.

I broke a bunch of stuff trying to do that.

But the clock light's still working.

Didn't even crack the glass that's covering it.

Anyway, here's a 2000...

No, here's a party has a warm morning...

This party has a warm morning wood stove for sale.

This party.

And they got a crossbow.

Whatever, let's call it about their stove, right?

motherfuckers talking that shit man that really sucks that that guy changed his phone number

yeah hey how you doing oh i'm good now that i'm talking to you maybe you want to talk to my

husband no i saw that you have a barnett crossbow goes for sale my husband oh what about the stove

that must be yours since you're the woman right now it's already sold all right um that's a shame

Hey, so I got to talk to your husband?

Yeah.

Oh, that's okay, honey.

Are you happily married?

I am.

You're not.

Okay.

Yeah, hey, your wife sounds hot.

I was calling about that crossbow you have for sale.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

You do a lot of hunting with it?

No, I bought it a couple years ago, hunted that fowl with it,

and killed two deer, and I'm not hunting with it since.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I like going out.

I like to hunt deer with my crossbow.

know i love because there's a certain art to killing it with a crossbow than it is when you

just shoot the motherfucker you know because you can it's almost like you can feel the life coming

out of it when you do it you know yeah it doesn't feel and i i i hit them you know i hit them in a

graceful spot and i run over there and i look at them while they die i hold them you know and i

And I feel their heart beat when they die.

And when it's cold out, you know, you can see the steam coming out, you know,

and the hot blood coming out.

And I cover my hands in the hot blood, and I put it on my face.

Well, are you interested in the bow?

And I masturbate while the deer is dying.

I start masturbating.

Who is this?

My name is Rex.

Rex who?

Rex Millionaire.

i was calling about that crossbow i don't need to hear hear all this other stuff just well i'm

talking about the hunt a man hunter the hunter you know how it is when you get no no no i don't

know what you don't get down like that and you haven't lived i've done got bit of it so you

haven't lived until you masturbated on a deer while it's dying after you kill it with a crossbow

listen let's hope i gotta i gotta take care of laundry the you might have heard the buzzer

going off i gotta move laundry along absolutely have to do it before tomorrow so let me play the

rest of the song i'll be right back we'll do what calls

sorry for the wait ended up getting a snack

i'll try not to eat too much of it before the break okay okay

so uh yeah here's the next number yeah here's a cook stove works great neat cleaning bin and

in storage a few months, $80.

Then we got to get the Parkman numbers.

Then we got to do some more Lonesome Loser numbers.

Then we got to take a break.

Then we got to come back and do some more calls.

And then probably end the show, to be honest with you,

probably going to end the show in an hour, hour and a half.

I'm just being honest because I got to work tomorrow.

Hello.

Hey, boy, how you doing?

I see you got a stove for sale.

Do what now?

You got a cook stove for sale?

Yeah, I do.

what do you mean do what now what's that mean i couldn't hear what you said oh but what's that

mean do what now like i never heard that it means like what did you say do what do you mean do why

do do what now do what what do you mean what what is what is what to do what do i what do i have to

What do you want me to do?

What do I do?

Look in the tiny chat where Weeping Angel has a big O.

That's great.

Big O.

Now there's a cat in the middle of the big O.

I'm done.

I'm not going to look at it anymore.

Bookman, are you there?

no all right we got a club car golf cart carbon fiber carbon fiber has a custom hydrofusion paint

job synergy green and black front of cart is carbon fiber this must be some lawyer type huh

a lot of money trojan batteries and 48 volt system that sounds like a lot

i guess i forgot a digit again didn't i yeah hey you got a golf carts

Yeah, I was selling one.

You still have golf carts?

Yeah, I still got the green one, yes.

Oh, yeah.

So what can you tell me about it?

Well, I've had it for about a year and a half.

The batteries are about 20-12 batteries.

They're 48 volts.

Okay.

In excellent condition.

Nice, nice.

How many times did you get to use it?

I don't know.

I probably used it about 10 or 12 times a year.

Do what now?

10 or 12 times a year we probably use it.

Yeah?

Yeah, but you only had it for two years?

Yeah, I had it about a couple years.

All right, yeah.

Oh, good.

Do you have a radio in it?

No, there's no radio.

But it can be installed.

I could take it to a shop and get it put in, right?

Sure.

Tires in good condition?

Yeah, did you look at the ad?

Yeah, it is.

Okay, two things, two things.

One, I got a bad echo, and three, I don't want to hear you chewing in my ear.

So if you got some questions.

i'm diabetic i'm diabetic i'm diabetic yeah okay i got that but i don't want to hear you

chew my ear the tires are brand new all the stuff is just like it was in the ad okay okay

but okay so it does say tires are new okay but um they're in good condition though i mean this

is new but i don't know if you filled them with air and all that because you've run them

you run it for two days on bad air you can do a lot of damage to them you know

On a low-pressure tire issue, you know?

Okay.

You can do some damage quick, especially if you're on pavement, not on grass, my friend.

Right.

I'm not trying to be rude.

I'm sorry.

I'm diabetic.

My sugar's low.

And when that happens, my sugar gets low.

And that happens, I'm sorry.

Good God, I'm sorry, sir.

But my body, it's almost like I can't help it.

I can't help it.

You know?

Hey, dude, you're pissing me off.

Do you have any more questions?

Because I'm here with my family.

I don't got time to screw around.

Can I do a test drive with it tomorrow?

No, I don't think so.

Why not, motherfucker?

There's plenty of other cars.

Fucking asshole.

Yeah, go fuck yourself.

No, you first.

You first.

Finally, someone really reacted angrily to me eating over the phone.

Most people ignore it the whole time.

Sometimes they will make a slight comment.

This guy was like, first of all, I don't want to hear you eating in my ear.

I'm trying to calm down.

Your call has been forwarded to a automatic voice message system.

Four, zero.

That's some funny shit, guys.

All right.

Where are we at?

Polaris RZR wheels and tires off of a what?

What the hell is a Polaris?

I don't know what that is.

Let me see if I can learn.

It's all busy here.

Please call me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dong, ding, dong.

Where it work?

Probably.

Probably is.

you're a piece of shit what the hell is wrong with you why are you going to work for me

why for being handsome i need money all right you get free money for being handsome you're

the fucking hermanito generalissimo come on bro if it only worked like that dude

i have congratulations man that sucks dude i know it but like hey welcome back to the world man i've

been back i've been working careful this time be careful this time when you do your deal you're

breakdancing right yeah all right we love you bro nobody wants anything more to happen that's why

i get it breakdancing thanks again right right double entendre okay we love you though

um

are we gonna do thursdays because like i couldn't tell what you were saying i had a customer in the

call last minute she went fresh she wants to go like an extra 30 miles the airport said like

Like, are we going to Thursdays, or what's the schedule like?

No, we're keeping our schedule Sunday.

We're not going to change anything.

We're not going to.

Oh, okay.

I worked it out.

I'll have, I'm going to have Sundays and Mondays off.

What happened to Thursdays?

I'm going to have Sundays and Mondays off, so it'll be Sunday night.

Oh, wow.

You have a Polaris?

Yeah, and how many times do you use that thing?

I don't know.

I use Rite-It.

You use Rite-It?

All right.

Taking good care of it.

How are the tires doing?

They got proper air?

They got proper airs in them all the time?

Yeah.

Got me on speakerphone or something.

Yeah, is it bad?

Yeah, echo wet.

What about now?

Better.

Oh, still have an echo?

No, it's better.

You don't hear the echo anymore?

All right.

So, what are you looking to sell this for?

Hello.

What are you looking to sell this for?

$850.

Do what now?

$850.

But do what now?

$850.

Yeah, but I'm not saying how much.

I'm saying what you're going to sell it for.

Why?

Why you don't want it?

Oh, I'll just trade around.

Trade around for what?

Whatever.

Oh, you want to trade?

Do I want to?

No, I just want to sell it.

I can trade for some favors, if you know what I mean.

I'll suck your dick.

I won't use my teeth or nothing.

No, thank you.

Oh, come on, man.

You don't have to kiss me or nothing.

You don't have to pretend it's whoever, you know?

Whoa.

Whoa, I got some crazy shit going on.

People are getting echoes tonight.

Great.

Oh, great.

That's just great.

Yeah, you got them rabbits?

Yes.

Oh, nice.

Nice.

Nice. How many total rabbits do you have?

I've got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven. Right? Right?

Yes.

I was calling about your rabbits. My name is Rex.

Yeah, what kind of conversation are you trying to have with me? I mean, you're counting all this counting and everything.

But you started counting. You said one, two, three, four.

Are you interested in the rabbits or what?

Yeah, I was asking how many total you had, and then we started playing counting.

That's all.

I didn't.

I'm sorry.

You counted one, two, three, four.

Man, I still watch Sesame Street every day.

Fucking guy.

He got mad.

Like, fuck you, count.

He won't pick up again.

Man, but fuck, do not call that guy guys ever and fucking start counting,

because he thinks it's uh he thinks you're retarded or something shit don't get what all

right i don't think i'd react like that i just would act like it didn't happen at least the

first time damn uh from lonesome we have here turvice paradise spa hotel water park it's in

estonia estonia home of the estonians yeah hey i noticed today um so like when we go in between

music segments here you always hear the jazz kick in you know um for some reason it that's just it's

a shoutcast station that i've been listening to for years called the jazz groove great station

but for some reason in the middle of the day today i was playing and i listened to it all the time i

was listening to jazz today while i was doing some studying and fucking it went to silence it's

connected but it goes to silence i don't think anyone there knows it's happening so normally

Really, right now, you'd be hearing jazz on the show, but instead of that, you're hearing silence.

Well, not anymore.

Now we're playing Tupac.

All right, so I'm only going to be on for, like, another 45 minutes, let's say.

Right.

But I have to take a break.

I want to take that break now as soon as I can to get it out of the way.

There's some stuff I have to take care of real quick, but I want to take it now so that I can take care of this stuff.

um and uh when i come back we'll have more calls including the estonia numbers i don't think we've

ever called estonia here before that i can remember at least i don't think we've ever

called estonia on this show before i don't know i could be wrong um uh what else do we have here

a lot we have a lot of number well we have england we have uk wacker starting to show up here we got

got a lot of park band numbers he sent in a lot of stuff over from the craigslist i just want more

people like that rabbits guy this place this is in little rock that we've been calling and uh yeah

we got actually yeah we got quite a few more in the same area racing suit what's a racing suit

right casso painting what a picasso painting in arkansas i'm sure it's legit fresh eggs palm

Prom dresses, rather.

Baby guinea pigs.

We Buy Ponies.

We got a lot of stuff here.

We also got customer service lines for different companies that are available.

I'll be right back.

Thank you.

Give me a few minutes.

Enjoy the break.

Into the nation.

Caution.

Calls (16, 35 min of 1 h 15 min)

Transcript

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