Milkman Can’t Sports

Look at this, man.

Wait, wait.

This how you beat your 30 years, huh?

Piece of shit.

Let me explain.

I'll kill you, you motherfucker.

Push you in a fucking river.

What the fuck is going on, Calico?

Nah, no.

Wait a minute.

Wait a fucking second.

You a fucking chiva, man?

No, I see.

You a fucking rapper?

Come here, please.

Fucking kill him, man.

Let me go, Calico, man.

Let me kill you.

Fuck you.

Kill me, you motherfucker.

I mean, come on.

Look what I got to fucking go around with.

Fucking diapers, man.

fucking diapers i shit my pants every day i can't walk i can't hum you know soccer made me do it you

know or they send me back i'm no good in the joint i'm in a fucking wheelchair calito god damn you

listening to madhouse live live i'm the largest prank call station in the nation

prank call nation got an order you've already placed press two on an order dr holds back though

My name is Monique, and I'll cause the recording.

May I have your first name, please?

I'm sorry, this is Dr. Holtz-Backbelt.

May I have your first name?

Can you spell that for me?

Hey, everybody.

I'm Carlito.

I'm the guy behind the machine.

Yeah, behind the curtain with no pants on.

How are you?

I'm here with Milkman.

Happy birthday, Milkman.

Uh-oh.

How are you doing, you motherfucker?

I'm 87 years old.

Thank you, shiny boys.

You've been 87 years old for 11 years.

Wow.

I'm going on 12.

How does he do it?

Yeah, let's call Dr. Hobel.

What is a Dr. Hobel?

I got a number here for the Dr. Hobel.

Let's see if there's an infomercial.

so we can all listen to it.

Because I have no idea what the Dr. Ho Ho Ho Ho belt is.

Ah, Ho.

Let's look it up on YouTube.

See if we've got at least someone explaining it to us, you know?

Dr. Ho.

Help us out here.

Dr. Ho's decompression belt.

Holy shit.

Now, does that come with dynamite, or do you have to add that?

I don't know.

It's a Dr. Ho.

Dr. Ho.

That sounds Vietnamese to me.

Dr. Slap-a-Ho.

ho after beat a hoe uh well their website uh it's a two-in-one back decompression belt

developed by a back pain specialist dr ho it's unlike any other supporter back pain belt because

it also provides clinical grade traction and decompression therapy back decompression is

approved on sneak that's what it says on the website not technique it's missing the te it's

a chenique endorsed by medical professionals yeah that sounds like the name of the girl who

who just answered.

Is it Cheney?

I don't think so.

By medical professionals

using both upper and lower

back pain machine treatment

without the need for surgery

or drugs.

Ah, fuck that.

Get your doctor.

That's the best drugs you get

for back pain

and for tooth removal.

We be ebonics friendly.

Yeah.

Two-in-one back decompression belt

shipped to you today

to experience instant back pain relief.

Motherfucker.

Yeah.

We need relief.

Thanks for calling about the doctor host.

Those two-in-one decompression back belts.

To place an order with a live agent, please press 1-

I'm calling to order Dr. Holt's back belt.

My name is Lauren.

Now, this call will be recorded to ensure-

Hello?

Hi, Morris?

Excuse me?

Hello?

Morris?

Your name is Morris?

My name is Lauren.

Lauren.

Okay.

Yeah, I'd like to make an order.

I need some information on the belt, exactly how it works.

It was just recommended to me.

Do you have an infomercial or something?

We do have an infomercial.

Where can I see it?

The 2-in-1 back belt, I'm sorry?

Where can I see it? Do you know? Is it on your website?

I'm not quite sure. It usually does run on, I'm not sure which channels it runs on.

Does it run on channel 12?

I'm not quite sure which channel it runs on, but I can give you the information on how it works.

Okay.

Well, so the 2-in-1 back belt can be used in two ways for support.

So just wrap the belt tightly around your waist over a thin t-shirt or tank top.

and this provides support and relief while you do everyday activities

like working, walking, sitting, lifting, and more, and for treatment.

So you start with the belt wrapped tightly around the waist,

using the hands like the belt.

Sensation and circulation in your legs.

Then you should be using the pain therapy together with the decompression belt.

All right?

You can read up more on our website.

Now, the decompression belt helps to support your back,

but more importantly, it also has a second function.

Yeah, it has a second function.

Right.

And so it's for treatment.

And so like I was saying, you use the hand pump after you wrap it around yourself.

Oh, yeah.

And you inflate the belt.

Mm-hmm.

And as it inflates, it gets taller and helps stretch and traction the lower back.

Does it engorge itself?

And by doing so, I'm sorry?

It engorges itself?

No.

I was saying as it inflates, it gets taller and helps to stretch and traction the lower back.

Okay.

Okay, does it have a refractory period after it climaxes that it takes to be in between sessions that I have to wait?

Like, will it deflate?

Well, you know, after it goes down, after it deflates, after usage and, you know, you reach climax with it,

then there should be like a refractory period usually.

Well, not necessarily.

So after you inflate it, once you deflate it, if you want it to re-inflate it, that would be okay.

It actually helps to traction your back.

It helps to stretch your back, to stretch the muscles deep inside.

So it gets its normal length

And it takes pressure off your disc

Takes pressure off my dick

Your discs

Off of your discs

My dick, yeah, my dick, I know

Were you looking to place an order today?

Well, yeah, but I mean, Dr. Ho

Is he Vietnamese?

Because usually in the United States

The doctors use the clinical term

Like the penis for that

Or the male part

Well, that's not the word he was saying

Hang on, let me rewind it

So it gets its normal length, and it takes pressure off your disc.

I don't know.

It sounds like it says discs.

Well, it doesn't.

It says discs, D-I-S-C-S.

So are you looking to place an order for the belt today?

All right, so what, it's air that goes in it?

Yes.

Okay, and then it inflates and goes around?

Yep.

How wide can I be?

I'm a big motherfucker, you know.

I'm like 400-something pounds.

Well, we do have a couple of different sizes that that belt comes in.

Okay.

Do you have big man sizes?

Well, what size do you wear?

Well, I wear like a 54 waist.

All right, let me just double check that so I can see what...

Allow the disc to absorb moisture so the disc can expand because it creates this vacuum inside your disc.

Okay, yeah, because, see, I bought something like this once that it was like a vacuum pump, right?

Um, it's not really a vacuum.

Well, he just said it makes like a vacuum.

Well, yeah, when you inflate the belt, it's not for a vacuum.

Well, he just said vacuum then, so I don't understand.

understand well this is what the he's a doctor i don't know well i mean how do you know it's his

product right right okay okay so do you have any more questions yeah well okay so i had a product

like this one so i would put it around the penis and then the air will create a vacuum and would

let the more moisture get in like he was just saying and it calls what this for this is for

a back belt so if you're looking to place the order for dr ho's back belt i could definitely

go ahead and place that yeah but we can adapt it we can it can be adapted i mean you can wrap it

around the dick right like he says like you were saying even yourself i need i mean fuck everyone's

thinking about this and because of that your nerve will not be pinched and then you have less pain

okay so this is very important so the pain therapy i recommend you use it first for about 20 to 30

minutes to relax the muscle to reduce the pain and then right afterwards you put the decompression

belt on to help stretch

your back, to help the fucking

dick compression. Dr. fucking

Dr. Nick from The Simpsons over here

telling me what to do. Dr. Ho's dick compression.

Dr. Nick Ho.

What the fuck is this fucking crazy?

I make a belt.

I make a belt. It's so good.

How about this?

You put it on your dick.

Bring on battery.

Oh my god. Are you excited

about that belt?

I'll get you one of them. Is that what you want for your ass?

what you asked for for your birthday so it sounds very exciting man because it does like as a side

there's a sideline penis enlargement you can adapt that that can be adapted i'm trying to

find you a nice birthday present here milkman so we'll keep calling thank you all right i love you

how about a pillow you want a pillow to get you a pillow how's that sound hey let's try it out

hell yeah man i like them uh them titty shaped pillows man do you got any did you do you work

work today at all i mean did you just take a normal normal day oh i probably had a barely

uh 90 minutes in okay but well something right i guess right yeah man you know what

so damn manito's gonna do a special show just for me how could i not how could i not oh i mean

are you having trouble sleeping do you wake up feeling tired yeah i have a hell of a time

your pillow could be the problem if you want a better night's sleep you need to try the

How is bamboo softer than cotton?

How do they do that?

How does that happen?

That's impossible.

Bamboo's hard.

Dude, they got a fucking bra made out of bamboo now.

You know, they could show them the bamboo bra.

You know, watch out.

You get fucking pandas.

You go to the zoo with one of them on.

Panda will break out of his enclosure and eat your tits.

Yeah, they'll be climbing all over them titties, chewing on the ends of them.

Man, trying to get that bamboo off them boobies.

Yeah, and then they eat the bamboo within a second, and there's nothing between the areola and the fucking bamboo bear.

That's what a panda is, a bamboo bear.

You see, sir, it's the one that has her climax, and then she relaxes, and then the panda falls asleep on top of her.

Bamboo, it has temperature-regulating properties that keep the pillow cool.

We placed a temperature gauge.

This is the same as those buckshot ones.

I have one of those right here.

It's the same thing.

They stay cool because they're very porous.

And they, you know what I'm talking about?

Those, were they buckshot longs?

Yeah, basically they're probably added like that wick away fabric.

Yeah.

You know, it's got a real fine weave, so it pulls away moisture.

Well, let me get it.

Let me get mine.

It makes it cool.

I'll get you one of these.

Watch.

Keep explaining it.

Let me get mine so people can hear what I'm talking about.

Explain it.

Exactly.

Well, now they've got this bamboo bra.

raw and it doesn't make the boobs look good but apparently cool and they're they're using the same

fabric i think there's an important technology here and the lesson to be learned is they ought

to use hemp instead of bamboo and then they can solve half the world's energy needs oh here we

go with that fucking hippie talking the hemp and the dickler's trying to bend his right on

no here's the pillow listen it's delicious dude you get your roasted too man that's what the

pillow sounds like you hear that it's like beads little little many many beads but here's what i

found out it's the worst thing for dust it's way worse than cotton or down pillows or whatever

because the dust gets in there a lot worse when you have these little but i think it's buck

Buckwheat, it's like some kind of buckwheat shell.

I don't know what the fuck.

Yeah, okay, yeah, buckwheat shell.

If you have a real Japanese pillow, yeah, those are soba shells.

Soba, soba, yes, that's it.

Soba noodles, because, you know, I had soba noodles yesterday.

I'll tell you what, that's a good motherfucker right there.

Oh, that's a good motherfucker.

It has some udon.

Yeah, it looks like udon.

Udon is white, so it's definitely high glycemic.

But the brown one is very good, low glycemic.

Well, no, well, I had the yakisoba, so it's the buckwheat one.

Okay, so it has white noodles that are fried and with vegetables, but still, they're specifically healthy.

Definitely healthy in comparison to American food.

Healthier than rice, or the rice noodles, or vermicelli.

Oh, yeah, it's definitely much healthier, I'm sure, than like this equivalent amount of, you know, American garbage food loaded with cornstarch.

Now, the best you can do is what I had.

I had, today for lunch, I had shirataki noodles,

which i really like now you got to work you like shirataki not shiitake shirataki noodles they're

uh what's that they're like uh they're like some kind of yam that grows out in asia and you make

noodles out of it and they're packaged i told you about this they're packaged in water um yeah um

you got to make them a certain way but they're like i've never heard of them they're like

they're mostly soluble fiber it's all it is it's basically like

like a Metamucil noodle, basically, is what it comes down to.

You know what I mean?

You can eat a bag of that and clean out your ass.

Basically, a lot of fiber and no carbs, no calories, yeah.

And they soak up all the flavor, whatever sauce.

So, look, that pillow, I stopped using it because I was getting sick when I was using it.

I just picked it up and shook it around to make that noise.

And already I got the fuck in my nose already.

Yeah, so the problem with these Soba Kawa fucking pillows that were really big in the late 90s, early 2000s,

and probably this bamboo one is that they're the worst for allergens because they just have a lot of surface area.

The real Soba pillows are different.

The shit that they offered on the commercial market, like on TVs, it was not Soba.

Yeah, they were big.

I mean, they were selling them at Walmart for like five bucks.

Like, oh, come on, man, you know?

Right.

They were full of foam, basically like foam peats, like very small size, kind of like what you have in a beanbag chair.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and they were pushing them off because, oh, yeah, they form to your dick and all that.

But the actual real Soba pillows are expensive.

You can buy them in Japanese, but they don't have dust.

And, I mean, you change that shit out after about a year or so.

Ah, you see?

That's the whole thing, and people don't do that.

No, because those things there are designed for a commercial market, dude.

You throw it away, it gets dirty before it ever gets time to clean it.

Noonoo's, I love Noonoo, man.

He's saying really big in the chat room, this is prank show, not noodle show.

Or pillow show.

He's got his back.

Oh, yeah, he's that son of an owl's in there.

He's hoo-hoo and all.

Why the hell did they let him out of the home, folks?

Oh, man, what channel is he on, man?

I want to see his camera.

They let him out of his cage.

They let him out of his cage every once in a while, you know.

Let's listen to the rest of his information.

You know that, dude, I helped him get a rascal scooter.

Yeah? That's good.

Yeah, dude.

And the Miracle Bamboo Pillow stayed 44 degrees cooler than the blanket.

It's got a little tow-behind trailer on it, man.

So it's got a little metaphorical.

Wait a minute.

You can take a double load of beans in that.

This bamboo bullshit.

All right, so it's memory foam inside, and it's just the fabric is bamboo, I guess.

The shredded memory foam is both soft and supportive at the same time.

Ordinary polyester pillows can lack support.

But the Miracle Bamboo Pillow provides the support you need for a good night's sleep.

Bamboo actually is a weed, right?

Right.

It is very strong for its, it's easy to grow for its, like, weight and da-da-da-da.

The only way I think they could do this is they would have to take fiber from bamboo

and then, like, so fine that you could weave it into a real fine mesh, like,

in a little pillow where, like, you couldn't even see through it.

Like, almost like microfiber, like, you spin your glasses with or screen on your phone.

phone sure sure and i don't know where in the hell they're in that kind of bamboo fiber at

that's why i have my suspicions dude i really have to examine that i have a it's not a real

bamboo fiber and i think it's just all in its path yeah this yeah probably just like they said

those were soba kawa dude and you open on the fucker up dude it's just little tiny little white

styrofoam balls yeah they they changed one letter in it and changed called it soba soba kiwa or

or something, you know?

It is, uh...

Shut up.

I'm here.

I actually had one of them foam ball ones, dude,

in the fucking thing.

Hi, and thanks for calling Miracle Bamboo Pillow

for quality...

Scratch your shit.

...all will be recorded.

If you're...

Representative.

I didn't get that.

Representative.

If you'd like a...

Motherfucker, I want representative.

A live customer service representative

will be with you shortly.

Thank you for calling Miracle Bamboo Pillow.

Shut up.

Hello?

Yeah, you feel better?

Representative.

No.

Representative?

No.

You see, Milkman, these stupid computers, they don't fucking understand.

Oh, shit, that guy's a dickhead.

All I said was shut up.

I can't believe you got away with that.

All I said was shut up.

Yeah.

Damn.

Hi, and thanks for calling Miracle Band Mood Pillows.

For quality purposes, this call will be recorded.

I didn't get that.

If you'd like to play...

Shut up.

Sorry, I still didn't get that.

Representative.

A live customer service representative will be with you shortly.

Oh, man.

They've got to check their QOS.

This connection sucks.

I'm going to call back.

This is going to be bad.

Hi, I'm Venture calling Miracle.

Shut up.

I've got to call back because I could hear a lot of packet loss on that call already.

Let's try again.

Hi, and thanks for calling Miracle.

For quality purposes, this call will be recorded.

If you're calling to place an order, say...

I'll work on that.

Representative.

I didn't get that.

Representative.

If you'd like to put a live customer service representative, we'll be with you shortly.

No, that's them.

That's them.

I'm happy for it, man.

I'm just thankful for it.

Hi.

Thanks for calling.

All customer service representatives are busy at the moment.

A live customer service representative will be with you shortly.

I'm going to have to give up on these guys because their shit sucks.

Oh, my God.

Hello?

This is the call.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

You hear me?

Hi, and thanks for calling, Bamboo Pillow.

Dude, this is bad.

The phone line is all screwy.

But you're on the phone, too, Milkman.

You don't sound bad.

I just sound fine.

No, that was better.

They got a little bit of bad audio.

Their audio wasn't that good, but that first coming was echoing.

The second one wasn't echoing.

Their audio wasn't coming in that great on ours.

Damn.

I don't know, man.

I'm a little worried.

I'm getting worried here.

What we've got to figure is this.

A lot of times it's the same.

A lot of times there's just one company out there that does all these.

There's like one call center and it takes all the calls.

Well, everybody's cutting costs and they're all using VoIP and shit.

it so everybody can't afford to have their own like staff people so they hired these people with

groups and companies man they're all using boyfriend shit to cut the cost yeah so fucking

of course you're going to have these problems that we had early like we did in the old days

the madhouse with all the packet loss and bullshit because they're just trying to do what we've done

like 10 years ago now yeah yeah they're copying our style fuck everybody is dude the whole industry

they went after our model yeah yeah uh even the name of the network uh all right here

founding forms right here but yeah here in the madhouse here is the foundation this is a baby

jogger stroller yeah baby jogger stroller let's do it baby jogger stroller baby joggers baby jog

what three steps to one step of yours hello hey honey you have a baby jogger stroller

Yes, I do.

Okay, all right.

How many wheels on that thing?

Three-wheel?

Is that safe?

Because usually, I heard they banned the three-wheel ones.

They were sticking to four-wheelers because the three-wheelers had a tendency to tip in the front.

No idea.

Do you think it could be aftermarket fixed?

Pardon me?

Do you think it could be aftermarket adapted or anything, or it's safe?

I have no idea.

Are you the wife or the husband, the mommy or the daddy?

Oh, you're the grandfather.

father okay so was your daughter i guess daughter's baby hello i was your okay your daughter's okay

so she did a lot of jogging with it or just walking i mean how much use did it get i'm not

a whole lot i wanted to walk a little bit and she just occasionally used it but not very much

okay yeah because a lot of times after the woman has the baby um their breasts get bigger they get

like those big floppy tits and when they jog they the tits bounce up and down a lot it's true it's

true it's true it's science science confirms that i think he went to go ask god damn you

a cat could really bruise or injure maybe you can get a black eye i'm trying to explain that

to your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message because your titties are flopping

Doc, I was running.

I had a culo attack.

I had to run towards the shitter, and I didn't mean to fracture my rib cage.

Yeah, but it kind of happened.

I just think it was osteoporosis, and she was, you know, elderly.

She had been, like, broken ribs, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.

Punctured lung, dude.

All right, so we got some party lights for sale here.

Maybe I'll get you some of those.

six strings of led party lights to create a festive atmosphere for your next party machine

uh 110 volts can be used indoors or outdoors five strings of beck's beer and one string of

jim beam mini bottles all right so like there's little little bottles of beer that light up wow

that's so cool so so when the leds burn out are we able to replace them with a little tiny

light bulb that you know you put in flashlight yeah yeah but then you don't have the bottles

the beer bottles anymore yeah we didn't get that far did we get the chance to like fuck us

yeah god damn he's selling him 120 cash for six strings of led lights it's 20 dollars what in the

fuck what's he got like budweiser he must be a budweiser fan or some shit well there's one

jim beam string and the rest are all becks becks is shit beer jim beam is well now it is dude now

Now it's modern.

Now it's all done in America, and it's like garbage beer bought by Miller.

But originally, back years ago when I was drinking it, it was still good.

It was German, man.

Yeah, but not anymore.

All beer, yeah.

Even Budweiser.

I know, I know.

Budweiser's changed a lot.

Ever since that one company bought Budweiser out, it's no longer American.

It's that weird, that one Bev company.

Yeah, and I reverse basically owns basically every beer now.

What's that company out of Germany?

Bev, something Bev?

What is that?

You know what I'm talking about?

out i don't know dude it's real big in the news it's been in the news lately because it gets

bought up like they joined miller and bush in one company with that big giant conglomerate in bev

that it's called in bev i guess international beverage i forgot what it was yeah they bought

them in 2008 yeah so basically now all these modern names of beers that used to were represented

by different distribution and supply lines theater now only the name and are being produced in like

Like, local areas just with a label on it.

Not necessarily even the same formulation or recipe.

It was a brewery.

Poor quality.

It was a company that resulted from the merger of Belgium-based Interbrew and Brazilian brewery Ambev,

which took place in 2004, and then they ended up buying out Anheuser-Busch.

Isn't that unbelievable, man?

A fucking beer market of America, dude.

It's not even owned by America.

Owned by America, yeah.

Yeah, but...

Isn't that unbelievable?

Of all things, dude.

Of all things, it should be American, dude.

You know, a bunch of fucking redneck drinking garden beer that we make here?

Not anymore.

The world's largest brewery, they make Budweiser, Michelob, Bud Light, Skull, Stella Artois.

Is that how you say Artois?

Artois, right?

That Italian beer.

Bass and Brahma.

Brahma's, okay.

Brahma's, I don't like that Brahma beer.

That's like Thai or something.

Isn't it like from Thailand?

No, that's Indian.

Is it Indian?

beer man or brazil no it's brazilian actually i see it it's they always sell it like in uh like

asian restaurants brahma a lot i always i thought i saw it as it is it's like there's an indian label

dude but i saw it in the store i never drank there is a there is a different one that's like

it's like a beer it's kind of like a red bottle with like a buddha on it i think that's what i

thought it was yeah that maybe that's what i'm talking about yeah i don't know maybe that's

brahmin let's see is there an indian beer let's see i know those motherfuckers like to drink

drink uh the largest selling india beer brand is kingfisher other major indian brands are

taj mahal indian lager kalyani tiger lion cobra those guys can't think outside the box at all

can they they're always on the same subjects tigers the taj mahal fucking cobras they just

you know what i mean think outside the box india come on man you gotta look at you gotta look at

them dude they're they're definitely third world emerging like their

poverty levels are high.

If they know somebody that has internet and shit, dude,

they're going to be still living on the mythological background

and blah, blah, blah with their religion and shit.

Here, dude, we got TV and everything in place of religion, right?

Yeah, pretty much.

What's a Kingfisher beer?

I got to get my hands on that.

Try that motherfucker out.

A lot of people must drink that, number one in India.

Fuck.

I think I looked at the Taj Mahal was the one I looked at, too, man.

But I never heard of Kingfisher.

I never heard of Kingfisher, either, but apparently it's their biggest one.

Maybe it's, imagine it tastes like shit.

I'm not a beer drinker, man.

It's just too many calories.

You know, for me, like, I'd rather have, like, the hard alcohol, you know.

I want to do something like that.

I like sake.

Sake?

Well, you're Japanese.

That's why.

You're half Japanese.

That's why.

What about that?

You like that Kirin?

I decided I liked the Sake, man.

It was, um...

You got the Keating beer?

I like an Uber beer, definitely.

It's closer to a wine than a beer.

Beer's got too much hop.

Not all of them.

The yeast, it turns me off.

You gotta get those micro-brews with the hoppy stuff, though.

Whatever they are.

They taste like...

I don't like the yeast smell, dude.

Yeah, I know, but there's, like, the beers that don't have much of that.

They taste more like marijuana almost now.

Those dirt.

I'd have to smell somebody after they drink it.

Because I can smell when people have been drinking beers.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic...

It's really heavily loaded, and I mean, they can walk in the hotel, because I don't drink.

I can smell after they metabolize it.

Nunu says it's cow piss.

And I got a horrible sense of smell, but that's one of the things that I can detect.

All right, Nunu's sending in numbers also for people who won't pick up.

Nunu?

Yeah, you know that guy.

All right, Nunu, man, keep on rocking that rascal scooter, buddy.

You got a picture of your new rascal scooter there with the four-wheel trailer in the...

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

5, 0, 1, 4, 4.

Oops.

All right, so no...

Everybody wants to see it, man.

No LED beers.

We got on that subject for nothing.

You ever fuck with that Guinness beer where they got the nitrogen capsule inside the can?

Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

Is it nitrate?

I thought it was just a piece of wood.

It was like a wood thing in there.

It's nitrate?

Okay, the ones at the Guinness draft.

Yeah, it's like a black, gray kind of can, dude.

There's a little part of it in there, but as long as you're pink, it's actually compressed nitrogen gas in there.

Once you open the seal and it goes to atmospheric pressure, it somehow releases the pressure on the capsule,

and then the capsule starts slowly releasing nitrogen inside of the can.

And that's what gives the bubbles the real fine bubbles, because it's actually not carbonation.

It's actually nitrogen being released inside the can.

Oh, wow.

It's really fascinating how it works.

Most beer has carbonation from the fermentation process,

yeast and, you know, from burning it out,

the sugared alcohol process.

So it's just a little fresher.

Is it a gimmick, or does it actually taste better with that?

I'm just asking you if you ever taste it.

I tasted it.

To me, I never tasted a real Guinness beer,

like right out, like, you know, out of the draw.

Right.

I don't know if they send the cans and shit.

I've never had anybody have it on tap.

Right.

Okay.

Because I don't drink enough, right?

So I've never got any of that.

So I suppose there are places that have it.

But I heard tell, but people told me that it's very comfortable.

I know when I opened that can, the foam was real, real fine.

It was like, if you shook a beer can up, and then it had a real thick can of foam on it,

the whole fucking thing was like that.

Nice, thick, foamy head.

Nice.

Yeah, no, I never heard of that.

I just know that there's the Guinness beer that has that piece of wood in it,

like that you can hear it rattling around in that motherfucker a little bit when you shake it.

Okay, that's the one.

It's not wood.

That's the black can.

That's the draft in the can.

That's the nitrogen capsule.

All right.

Well, I think there's two different things.

But, hey, let's call it.

Let's get you a telescope then.

Telescope.

Yeah.

I'll tell you what.

Yeah, hi.

I was calling because it looks like you have a telescope for sale.

Yes.

All right.

You still have that?

It's computer controlled that you can put a computer machine on it?

That's, yeah, I'm selling it for my father-in-law.

Oh, that asshole.

I've never actually used it, but that's what the description says.

He had wrote down some information, and I put that on there as well.

But I just never have used it.

Oh, he doesn't use the Craigslist computer?

He's intimidated by it or something?

Right.

Okay, so can I tell the telescope where to point?

I just tell it where to go, and it goes like that?

You know, I'm not even sure that I think that.

Okay.

Okay. Yeah, because then I just needed to look at the girl next door.

I really just kind of like, I would say, you know, beep, beep, beep, like the girl.

Because she showers and stuff, you know.

She takes a shower, and I want to see her more closer, you know.

I got you.

Yeah, because I like to take amateur videos and pictures.

I go to the beach to take amateur video and pictures of people.

I have a scrapbook that I keep for purposes.

Like, this is just a hobby of mine, you know.

I'm retired, so.

And do you work for TMZ?

No.

No, it's personal for me.

It's personal for me.

Yeah, I go on the road.

I go to different, you know, shore cities, beach cities, and I stay in the local YMCA's, you know.

I take pictures inside the YMCA of guys.

I'm just, I'm kind of making a scrapbook of my adventures in the United States.

That's crazy.

All right.

So are you interested in this telescope?

Yeah.

Yeah, I am.

How close up can I use it?

Because I was thinking if I could, you know, maybe stick it up my wife's pussy and get a really good look in there, you know, with it.

Vagina pussy.

Find somebody else to show, dude.

What do you mean?

What are you talking about?

Why do you say it like that?

Not necessary.

Goddamn you.

We need a demonstration of this.

Your call has been forwarded to an online system.

What if my wife demonstrated?

All right, that'd be nice.

Stick it right up there.

Right now, follow more.

right up that pussy yeah um here's someone who had a huge multi-family garage sale this weekend

let's see if they got anything left over yeah man see if you can buy all the junk dude oh yeah

you know just in the caller id to something a little local there i'll prove our chances of

you know you only pay one cent per pound i'll buy by the weight i'll buy by the pound you got

I've got 50 pounds of garbage left over.

Be sent, man.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

You had that garage sale?

Yeah, I did.

Okay, you have any stuff left over?

I'll make you an offer.

I'll get rid of all that stuff for you, you know?

Make a good offer and everything you got left over.

I got a thrift store machine.

Uh-huh.

I just buy up what's left.

You know, a lot of times you got a lot of stuff lying around still after.

Don't know what to do with it.

You didn't really want it.

I'll come.

I'll make you an offer, you know?

You can write it on your taxes.

Nice write-off.

Give you a receipt and everything.

I'll pick it up and I'll haul, motherfucker.

Yeah, I understand, but I'm not interested in that.

Why aren't you people ever interested in that when I make that offer?

What's the problem?

God damn it.

Seriously.

No one ever interested in that.

Why are you trying to do a public service?

This is an offer to public service.

I'm the junk buster.

It's a small but menial profit.

I'm junk buster.

Junk buster.

Oh, now I want to hear that.

Recluse and junk buster.

Remember that shit?

Junk buster.

Hello, you have reached Max Shane.

Currently, I'm...

I don't believe your name and number and a brief message.

Yeah, yeah.

Thanks.

You stupid fucking cunt.

There, they can listen to that message all they want.

All right.

Got Junkbuster Q-Tip.

We'll listen to a little bit of that later, if I get to it.

If I feel like it.

You're gonna call Junkbuster to buy up all your junk when your sale is done.

Pick you up, throw you over the border like a refrigerator.

That's what he told me.

And laugh around, have a lot of fun.

You got someone with a 94 Ford Explorer.

A white Ford Explorer.

That's fucking an OJ machine.

This is OJ.

Eat your bamboo brawl.

Tide your Sobacala.

We'll buy them all.

Don't fuck this.

The Google subscriber you have called is not available.

Fuck.

Please leave a message after the tone.

Sounds like Milkman over there.

Oh, look at that guy with his Google subscriber.

Whoa.

Anyway, here's some chickens.

This guy has game chickens.

Lionhead rabbits and a goat for sale.

Yes.

Sexual organs.

Game tickets, though.

Gay tickets.

Is that like card games or board games or video games?

Sorry.

Called has a voicemail box that has not been set up.

Damn them.

Wait, are the Cubs playing game five tonight?

They got one lost fucking Cubs.

Sorry.

The person.

They're really playing again tonight?

I thought they'd have another night in between games.

Baseball don't do that, huh?

So game five is tonight?

Let me check the score of this.

Because we're going to have to shift focus and call Chicago.

Them motherfuckers are going to be pissed.

The Cubs fucking don't win.

ESPN, let's see.

Dude, they got to continue their losing streak, man.

As much as I can't stand either, I might rather the Browns win.

It's early right now in the game.

It's the end of the third, and the Indians are up 1-0.

Dave Ramirez, I guess, hit a home run up the left field.

I hope the Browns win, dude.

All right, well, that's a game in progress.

We can fuck with Chicago, though.

i'm sure they're watching that motherfucker sports bar cago well they were the first team

you know the cleveland brown they were the first one to do the desegregation back before it was

segregated yeah they're the first team anywhere that like actually said it's all right be a

brother or whatever it's okay to be a negro you don't have to be in the negro leagues you can be

a negro major after the jackie so at least for one thing they ever did they had to lose forever

Ever since then was to be the first to allow desegregation, man.

And then they put him on the losing streak to come out.

Yeah, one silly, stupid rumor out there is that Babe Ruth was a racist.

And as a matter of fact, he was part Negro, apparently.

If you look at his nose in pictures, he had a wide nose.

He had African-American ancestry in him.

And he actually got shit for that a few times in the majors.

He was a big supporter of people in the majors.

Well, but back in the day, people didn't think or believe that either.

He looked really white, dude.

You can't say that Jackie Robinson was an Uncle Tom.

All right, that's funny.

Look, I found a gay sports bar in Chicago.

That's, yeah.

Oh, shit.

They actually are.

They say they're the Crew Bar and Grill, a gay sports bar featuring upscale pub food,

large beer menu.

Oh, man, they're asking for it.

You're a large menu.

Thanks for calling Crew Bar and Grill.

If you know your party's three-digit extension number, you may dial it at any time.

Check out our Facebook page and our website, www.crewbarchicago.com, for the latest information.

For carry-out orders in the main bar, press 1.

For directions and hours, press 2.

For marketing or to schedule an event, press 3.

For our business office, press 4.

Is it 2?

For our executive chef, press 5.

Zero.

For carryout orders in the main bar, press 1.

Executive chef.

For directions and hours, press 2.

I want a carryout order.

Hi, girl.

How may I help you?

Hey, honey, baby.

How are you?

How are you doing?

Oh, not good.

Are you guys watching the game over there, the big game?

Yep, we're watching it.

Oh, a lot of Cubs fans there?

Yeah, we're pretty full.

We have tables open, though.

Oh, yeah.

It's too bad you guys are going to fucking lose, you know?

Oh, that's great.

Thank you.

Have a good night.

Have a good fucking animal.

Yeah.

It just took that awful personal.

Hey, I just want to say ahead of time, I know Andy's not listening.

He's a big Cubs fan ever since he was a kid.

10-4, good buddy, Andy.

Andy's probably, if Andy hears that, he's going to be real mad.

He's like, what the fuck are you going to say to the man?

10-4.

I'm not a baseball fan at all.

I haven't cared for it since that strike in 93.

But holy shit, man.

Like, I used to support.

He's got his Bears belt on.

on the Bears' belt buckle.

Fuck the Bears, fuck it.

That's another problem.

But yeah, like, you know,

when I hang out with Andy during baseball season,

he'd always have, you know, Cubs games playing.

So I'd watch, you know,

back in the Sammy Sosa days and all that.

He'd watch a lot of that.

That's desperation, brother.

I mean, anybody that's here for them guys

after 108 years, dude,

that's desperation, bro.

That's actually, that's admirable, dude.

The fact that it's, you know,

they haven't had,

they've had good teams all along.

You know, they've had good seasons and bad seasons.

It's not like they've been a shit team for the last hundred-something years,

but they just haven't had a championship.

They got cursed, dude.

That's the best problem, man.

Well, whatever.

I mean, you can believe it, or you don't have to believe it, dude,

but they got cursed.

Why?

Because of the fucking Italian dude with the goat?

He couldn't come home?

He wanted to fuck his goat?

No, no, because, no, no, no, the cursed dude is not the guy on the goat.

It's the Negroes.

It's the Negro thing, isn't it?

No, dude.

That's what you're trying to say.

The idea is that the curse, they believe that there's a curse.

the whole idea that there's a curse and then it becomes a psychological like breaking point right

so anytime they talk about well it's a curse it's a fucking game it's a fucking game like a

crush it's like a psychological crash it's a game how about that you're right the lando magic are

cursed because i'm a fan that's self-fulfilling prophecy yeah bullshit they do it to themselves

right the mafia thank you for calling draft bar chicago sorry we couldn't answer your call at

this moment we're busy crying into our beers you're in the manhole dial one dial one for the

gay bar dial two for the gay sports if you want one dial one junk buster can i help you hello

let's listen to a little bit of this here while i set up some calls hello do you know eddie los

altos parkis this is milkman's favorite guest pranker other than jen stewart who couldn't make

it tonight he's in scotland uh fucking speaking of fucking sheeps and goats oh god bless my boy

Do you know where the Los Altos Park is?

Yes, we got it.

Yes, sir, I do.

Okay, it's over on the, it's over northeast on Tulane Avenue.

Okay.

I said, sir, you know?

Okay.

Well, where are you from, sir?

I don't know.

Are you drunk?

No, my cousin, he gave me the cell phone.

Okay, well, why don't you call your cousin and have him tell you where the Los Altos Park is?

No, I gave you the address.

You got the wrong number, my friend.

What's that?

This is in Long Beach.

You got the wrong number.

Long Beach.

I'm not information.

Hey, listen, cocksucker.

I got to park over here when you get the garbage picked up.

Where are you from?

We need to have trash picked up.

What are your problems?

You asked me where the Los Altos Park is.

No, I said, do you know where it is?

Because that's where I am.

I need the junk picked up from here.

Don't you understand?

You know what?

shove your trash up your ass

fool

to place a call

yeah seriously I've called that guy

afterwards like in months

and years after these calls

he was the nicest guy he wouldn't engage

in arguments stand up guy

but during this night

I must have been in a bad mood because he was ultra

racist with reclute and me

and later on

we pranked him a few times one day

me lonesome loser and arty

evil arty uh back in 2012 when i was recuperating from my surgery my first round of surgeries when

i got sick 2011 rather arty and lonesome trying to cheer me up we would do pranks uh and on the

phone on my cell phone didn't record it but that guy he went off on arty like i never heard like

worse than he did with reclude like you're gonna be biting the jail bars and shit after we're like

Like, why the fuck did we record this shit?

Yeah, and I've tried to engage him after that, and he's cool as a clam.

Is that even a thing?

Cool as a cucumber?

Cool as a clam?

I guess clams are pretty cool.

They're under the sea, right?

Under the sea.

That'd be kind of cool if I was a clam.

Let's listen to one more segment of Junk Buster, and then we're going to call some more sports bars.

Then we got some more shit for sale for you, Milkman.

I'm trying to get you a nice birthday gift here.

Maybe we'll call for a cake.

One of the things I always do on these birthday shows for Milkman is I try to order him a cake with an extremely long, annoying message on it to see how much I can get in.

You could try that.

I don't know if he can get a cake ordered this late at night, but maybe out there on the West Coast.

I got a request to call someone close to you, Milkman, someone very close to you.

I don't know if we'll do that, but maybe.

maybe. There are a lot of people listening

right now. To all the listeners,

welcome. If you're new, double welcome.

There are people listening? Our old

friends? Yeah, we got people on Mixler

listening. Oh, my old friends.

God bless all of you, man.

I miss all of you. I want to tell you,

I love all of you. We do this

every week, man. We just actually

gave us the time, man. We dropped the

dime. Seriously, man. I miss everybody.

Right. So,

hey, I got to call that gay bar

later uh as the endings keep going because they're gonna lose tonight man i'm sorry andy

when you hear this in post i'm sorry man um i did want to let you guys know just a little

little bit of uh maintenance here a little bit of upkeep for madhouse i started editing

um i'm i i've been behind almost a year and i've never been this behind with podcasts being behind

um currently working on last year's thanksgiving show i guess pranksgiving show um so i'm editing

Editing that now, once that's done in the next few days.

Dude, that's where I've been hearing all these scissor clips

and all that shit all over the floor, man.

Yeah, all this fucking tape on the ground.

So, yeah, slowly but surely...

We've been going through all the tapes.

Slowly but surely, the podcast will be updated,

but in the meantime, you can go over to the showreel on Mixler.

Any shows worth their salt are in the PCN Mixler.

I've had a few people reach out to me on Twitter and Facebook

asking what's up with pranksgiving this year thanksgiving uh milkman and i already discussed

this we're definitely going to do i i was i was on the fence about it milkman convinced me there's

no way we're not going to do you know uh not do a thanksgiving show this year because we've done it

for 10 years it's been one of our favorite shows always and we're not going to stop doing it

even though the pcn network is dissolved uh so i there's not going to be a manhouse tradition i

I don't give a shit what network it is.

Yeah, there's no network.

If you call it what network you want, it is our tradition.

Yeah.

If you want to join as a network or a friend or whatever the fuck you do,

but you know us, we always have done this for years.

Yeah.

Because we like to have fun with you guys.

Yeah, so definitely no pranksgiving.

I mean, no 24-hour marathon.

Now, I'm going to do a show, and if Brad and Dwight and Matt

and whoever else wants to do a show that day on the stream

or their streams or whatever,

um that's all cool well and good but i'm not going to be organizing 24 hours and this hosts this and

that hosts that last year all the damn production work and all the bullshit man it's a lot easier

people just if they want to go on get the shit and go on dude we're going to go on and you know

and just yeah last year especially it was it happened last year in the middle of a whole

bunch of fucking drama it was a pain in the ass you had a lot of backstabbing going on and people

People committing and then backing out and people saying they wouldn't do it unless this guy didn't go on or this guy went on.

Honestly, dude, I'm telling everybody for you, man.

It just got to be no fucking fun.

Everybody was whining and bitching.

They had to have it their way.

And no one wanted to go along as a group.

It would be not fucking fun.

Yeah.

And it ain't fun.

What's the point in doing it?

Yeah.

And that's always been our motto here.

Yeah.

And for the people who keep asking me, there is no network.

I have no plans for the network.

i'll let you know this uh i will not i i don't the true reasons why you why there's not going

to be a rebirth of pcn or return to some kind of network a uh i don't want to do it and b

i won't do a network without brad and brad doesn't want to do it so there you go so uh that's it i'm

not going to be doing any network without brad and brad's not interested because of all the

bullshit that happened on him i'm not interested because all the bullshit and shit that happened

on me so that's about it and here's the third reason besides that we already did that yeah

i've been there done that too yeah it's actually two networks as we yeah anyway uh how many have

we buried dude that's true man to listen to your recording that was good what a fucking prick that

guy networks hello somebody hung up on my cousin yeah that's me man you call him and start

trouble you and you and long beach big boy of course he wasn't looking for trouble he's looking

for trouble with me i mean you come down here and he and he's drunk you're such a tough guy you know

what i have a phone number and i'm gonna call the police right now because i don't want to come out

and beat the fuck out of you because you're pissing me off you motherfucker i'm a business

and you want to fucking play i'll eat you for lunch you want to fucking play i'm gonna give

I don't like you either, so stick your fucking...

He called me a cocksucker, you motherfucker, okay?

You want to fucking play? We'll play.

I'll fucking throw you over the border.

I'm an American.

So don't you fucking call me.

You call me one more time,

your fucking friend is going to jail.

What's that? I don't go to jail.

I'm calling the cops, and I'm giving them this number right now

that just called me, and you guys are going to get fucked.

You know what?

You're a dick.

Place a call.

One.

Yeah, he was in a really bad mood that day.

Night, night, that night.

What a nasty.

Yeah.

I wonder what's up with Reckless, man.

We never found him again.

I tried really hard on the anniversary show.

Dude, that really bums me out, man.

I love Reckless.

I know.

I know, man.

Look at that.

Everybody knows, if you remember, dude, I had a history with Reckless.

I was actually on his show, too, man.

Yeah.

Hey, breaking news here.

Cubs are up.

Not up, but it's tied 1-1 in the bottom of the fourth.

And it looks like

I believe the Cubs

Have two runners

Runners on first and third right now

So

Watch out, watch out

It could happen

It's a tied game

Fucking baseball

Let's get some more live prank calls

The ball has been very, very good to me

Although, don't forget that

Milkman says it's a curse

The hair on your arm

The point is, the guy just said it was a curse

First, everybody believed it, and that's why Eric's been fucked up.

The guy wanted to have sex with his goat in the stands,

and he said, get the fuck out of here with that goat, you fucking guinea.

And he was like, I put the fucking guinea in.

I put the guinea in.

I put the curse on you.

I put the curse on you, right?

I put the curse on you, yeah.

Now, if everybody would have laughed and just said, ha, ha,

that would be the end of it, but somebody fell for it.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I don't think he was trying to fuck the goat,

but it probably was dirty immigrants.

I don't even think it was an immigrant, to be honest with you.

I think it was just some dude.

Actually, what it was, is that was a real anti-Chupacabra time of the century.

Oh, Chupacabra.

And that's what they were really afraid of, the Chupacabra phenomenon that would spring from that in the future.

Chupacabra, I totally forgot about that.

Here's a call! Yeah.

Oh, Chupacabra.

Reckless going up the jail stairs.

downstairs who did good fucker i don't know where he went i get the end like regular city beat up

at a strip club hello yeah hey how you doing i see you're selling that thing get them golf balls

yeah oh good what can you tell me about them what i'm about to go uh-huh they're all they

ain't been touched nothing like that oh no oh yeah okay all right yeah that's good that's good

you make a nice omelet with them right yeah all right cool how many of them you think you show

up your asshole how many can you show up your asshole i said i didn't stutter man

is almost there like did he really just say that what the hell were they golf balls i don't know

what to do with this what else you do with golf balls show up your ass there you go ask if you

can shoot a mallet like a ping pong ball fucking golf bags fucking hate that golf shit fucking

always talking at work oh fuck it got the golf we're gonna reach out to golf hey hey shove them

golf balls up your ass.

Oh my god,

I can't stand the fucking golf talk.

I work all the time. Hey, yeah, bro, you ought to see my

game, my short game.

Yeah, fuck you and your fucking

golf. Fucking white

man. I feel like they wear them little Scottish

shirts and like to play with bags.

Yeah, I can't stand that golf shit.

Golf bags.

And I love the cake.

I got a bag of hanging right there during the golf.

I want to thank

Thank Parkman for sending in numbers that we're doing tonight.

Here's Buffalo Wild Wings.

I had the pleasure of going to one last night.

I'm going to complain about it right now, motherfucker.

No, dude, I take exception.

If we're talking about goofy golf or mini golf, I'm all over it.

El Primo Numero Uno for team member relations.

Please press 2.

If you need to report a third party, let his feet cast a golden crown.

Thank you for calling.

For English, Network's ethics and compliance hotline is a confidential third party.

Oh, I got a question for Clay.

We cannot provide advice or offer opinions on workplace issues.

Please remain on the line.

All calls are answered in the order they are received.

Hurry up.

You're in the manhole.

My name is John.

Are you calling the reference book?

Please default, reporter.

Do you wish to call the reference book?

No, this is a new report.

I'm really angry about this shit.

Can I have this in any safe location you're calling the reference book?

uh yeah it's oviedo florida can you spell the city name for me ovi edo hey listen you gotta

you gotta talk but you gotta get the corn out of your mouth sir ovi edo yeah that's the one

okay i don't see a location of florida would it be considered another city

fuck uh look at zip code 32808 it's a new location what is this a new location no it's

not all right look up waterford lakes uh waterford lakes orlando florida what's your number of the

the location i have no idea i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i'm

ignorant location what are you an employee of the location no man look here's what happened i

look i'm let me put him on the phone all right give me a second jesus christ this guy

hey stupid uh i have the ethics hotline on the phone the other line

Huh?

I have the guy with the ethics hotline on the other line.

Are you there?

Can you hear her, sir?

Here.

Yeah, hey, can you two figure out what location this is, please?

Can you ask her?

She'll tell you.

Uh.

Quiet.

Sir, what are you asking?

Are you trying?

Shut up.

Huh?

What are you asking, sir?

Ethics man.

The city and state of the location.

You say what?

The city and state of the location or the store number.

I can't hear you.

What?

He speaks like Lieutenant Hooks on Police Academy.

The city and state of the location or the store number.

We are on Alafea.

Alafea Trail?

Here.

Give me one second.

Oh, shit.

Seriously, you've got to speak up, man.

I mean, I don't know what's wrong with you.

You ever watch Police Academy?

Not you, him.

Okay, we are in the towers of the Waterford Lake.

The store number.

Jesus.

The store number is 0547.

All right.

Hey, Hooks, did you get that?

0547?

Yeah.

All right, well, honey, I'll call you back.

I'll call you back if I need you.

Hang on.

Did you get that? 0-5-4-7, are you happy now?

Hello?

4-5-3-7, located at 504 North

Althea. Yay!

There you go, look at that. Yeah, you can read, too.

Very good.

Why? Come on, man!

Fucking shit!

God damn it, I put a lot of work

into that.

What a freaking, freaking what?

I called him Lieutenant Hooks,

he didn't hang up. He got upset because of the wire,

you can read, too.

Let's see if we can get another one who actually speaks up.

I think the three insults finally added up.

Probably, I do talk like Lieutenant Hooks.

Oh, wait, wait, I'm calling the store back.

Wrong number, wrong number.

I'll call them back.

That girl was kind of ignorant, too.

Probably goes to UCF.

You sound like one of them Filipino rappers.

Nah, I sound like one of those...

I ain't gonna say it.

Supremo numero uno.

One of them sell-out African-American girls.

He doesn't know why college thinks her shit doesn't stick.

She's the only black girl in the sorority who thinks she's the shit.

Dyslexia? What?

It's on TV?

Yeah.

You watch it on TV? You're not paying attention to the show? You see?

No, it's actually on. I'm watching it there.

It's on the mute, but I looked up my phone.

Hello?

Hey, honey, how you doing?

Hey, you've reached the Buffalo Wild Wings team member relations hotline.

Are you calling about a previous report, or do you want to file a new one?

Well, I had called before, and I kind of treated rudely and hung up on.

Okay, did you want to speak with a supervisor?

Yeah, well, maybe, yeah, because I'm kind of upset.

Oh, here we go.

Copyright claim.

Sloth is eating strawberry cheesecake fiber one bars.

You're going to take a massive shit tonight.

He's probably eaten like three or four of them knowing him.

Sloth is real fat.

He's like one of the fattest guys I know.

He's going to be...

He has no self-control when it comes to eating things like fat people.

Sloth is skinny as fuck.

The only guy that I've met from PCU and Madhouse that's skinnier and whiter than Sloth is Tabanchi.

I'm going to get you right into the supervisor, okay?

Hurry up!

Sloth, you're going to take a big shit.

Hello?

This is Bobo Brooks speaking.

I can help you.

Hey, boy, how you doing?

I got a big complaint.

Listen, I went to the Buffalo Wild Wings, all right?

and the woman tried to charge me for some shit uh that's not right i asked for samples of sauce

i wanted to try that ghost pepper shit you know the blazing ghost pepper she's like oh yeah sure

yeah you can get a sample of a sample of it motherfucker like that she said to me and then

she bring it back uh the little cup full of uh the ghost pepper sauce she brought two of them i

only asked for one you know that motherfucker then she tried to take it away when i was done

done trying it she brought out like a couple french fries like here yeah go ahead and try it

i'm like oh no i think i'll just get the hot ones these are kind of all right but i'm gonna have my

sinuses all dripping god damn it all right i'm done with that but seriously look here's my

complaint man like so i went to buffalo wild wings yesterday they got this new ghost pepper

sauce i'm like i don't know if i wanted to get the wings i was like i don't know if i want to

go all in on this because my nose has been kind of runny and for me when i have really hot sauce

my nose gets runny so i can eat it at home but when i'm out i'm gonna be running my nose is

gonna be rolling running in front of people watching the cubs lose and shit like that there

so i asked to try it was just a little too strong for out in public you know same reasons why i

don't like to eat barbecue ribs in public because when i eat them i get down on the bone i suck it

you know like the fucking antidotes in it so fucking and then like so i had i tried it out

she brought like two little cups of it you know and i tried it my wife tried it and she's she

wanted to take it away and we're like okay can you leave them there because i was like oh maybe

i'll put a little bit on my wings and uh when we fucking uh went to check out the fuck she charges

80 85 cents i think something like that for each sample uh dollar 65 dollar 70 total for two little

sample cups of sauce without letting us know and she wanted to take them away that's fucked up

you know i just think that's fucked up milkman you have any thoughts on that you're sitting there

you're watching tv i guess you got a big thing no what made me mad she expected a tip i'll tell

you what that tip went down by a dollar sixty fucking five after that that's right you expect

you're reaching the back seat and give her a tip well i'm not kidding you it did go down that dollar

65 well athena was like no i don't think you're going buffalo hey listen to me hey why shut up

Why are you charging for sample cups there?

Huh?

Hello?

Why do you charge sample cups?

Why?

I'm with a manager.

Yeah, because I get asked for a sample cup, and I see the check is 80 cents for a sample cup.

I'm going to put you on hold for just one second.

Hurry up.

All right, Dr. Ryle, that tip.

I didn't give a shit.

Tell them, no, we don't want them to put a hold.

Lay the phone down or take it with them.

We'll wait.

Yeah, B-dubs.

And, like, I guess they closed that Oviedo one.

That's the one I first went to back in 2001, 2002.

2002. I used to go there once a week

because the wings were really good back

like 10, 15 fucking years ago when

the chain first came out. But they've gotten

progressively shittier and shittier.

I don't know.

The wings and the sauces both got

progressively shittier and shittier there.

They're about as bad as those freaking

Hooters wings, which I've only been to that place once

and those were shit.

It probably started out with a low price.

Then as quality started going down and

continued to keep going off for a low price,

quality went over.

Oh, I asked to speak to a man.

Um, yes, sir, and I'm the manager here right now.

Oh, that's nice, honey, but I need to speak to the real manager, a man.

I am the manager here. I'm the front of house manager here.

Who's the man in charge, though, the man on duty?

It's me, sir.

Oh, that explains a lot, then. That's what the problem is.

Yeah, I don't appreciate, first of all, you have a man's name there.

That's kind of sneaky, what you're trying to do.

Sarah.

You said Aaron.

Oh, my name is Sarah. If you're going to be rude to me, sir, I won't talk to you.

I want to try to help you, but I'm not going to have you be rude to me.

Oh, your feelings and all that stuff getting in the way.

A woman problem.

All right, look, so why are you charging for sample cups, goddammit?

Sir?

Cross.

Did you place a physical order with us?

No, I was there, goddammit, and it says 80 cents for a sample cup.

What the hell is this shit?

Sir, I need to know who your server was so I can pull up your check

because I don't know what you're talking about with a sample cup.

Some dumb woman.

I'm not going to listen to you.

Why are you charged?

You're welcome to call us back and we can figure out how to answer your question.

I'm sorry, I'll calm down.

I'm sorry.

I'll calm down.

So, one more time.

Do you know who your server was or where you sat?

Yeah, that woman.

There's a lot of women that care.

Were you inside, outside?

Inside.

At a table, a high top?

Inside.

At a low table or a high table?

I was sitting down inside.

There was TVs around.

A urinal?

There was a urinal there.

Well, obviously, yeah.

If you want to call back and find your receipt with your server's name, I will be able to help you.

Who's the highest ranking man, even if not management?

Who's the most...

I am the highest one here right now.

Yeah, but who's...

Shut up.

Quiet, honey.

Who's the most senior male there of the servers?

Okay, sir, I'm going to now let you go.

The longest tenure.

You can call back at another time when you calm down.

All right, asshole.

Whatever.

Go call your mom.

We didn't want wall manager.

There's no W in manager.

There's no wall manager.

No, there isn't.

I didn't ask for the wall manager.

I'm telling you, they fucking charged me.

Thank you for calling Buffalo Wilding, but the game is always on.

This is Sarah speaking.

How can I help you?

The game's always a piece of shit.

Hey, who's the male waiter there that's been working the longest?

Male waiter?

We don't have any male waiters on right now.

The male server?

Who's the male bartender then?

His name is Craig.

And how long has he been with the company?

I do not know.

Oh, yeah, I need to talk to him.

I'm just going to talk to him.

What can he assist you with?

I'm the manager.

It's private.

Okay, we don't take private calls or personal calls here.

No, it's private to me.

It's private to me, and, you know, you have to put them through.

I know my rights.

Again, we don't do personal calls here on this business line.

This is a business call.

This is business call, motherfucker.

Can I give him a message?

Because he is busy taking care of other guests right now.

All right.

Name is Craig.

Dear Craig, are you writing this down?

Yes, I am.

All right.

Dear Craig, the women there are messing up.

They charged me for sample sauce.

You're the man on duty.

You're the highest duty man there.

How are you letting these bitches get away with this fucking shit?

Okay, sir, you're not going to cuss at me like that.

I will talk to you later.

All right, menstruation at the same time.

Right here on the manhunt.

You're the year, kid.

The master at work.

Oh, my God.

I love you, man.

She just melted her down just so precisely.

Jesus Christ.

She's like melting butter

Just caught on fire

Now on the pan

You know

She actually sounds

Like a nice lady

But she doesn't sound

Like that

She's that bad of a person

Thanks I needed that man

Hello

You gotta speak up honey

You gotta speak up

Hello

Yeah hey

Is this Lieutenant Hooks

Who

Is this Hooks

Rose

Hooks

Are we guys closed

No we close at 12 tonight

No you're stupid

Can you put the manager

On the phone

I'm stupid

Yeah put the manager

you're on the phone and it better be a man um what you heard me i didn't stutter you want to

speak to a man manager yeah it better be a man um how about i put a female on then no

refreshing beer and juicy burgers if you can't make them for all the action

our menu is available for no you can't make me talk to a female at participating locations

to make any pretty wall man so if you're calling to place an order or would like to hear like

I feel like Trump mixed into this.

Oh, wait, this thing here.

Special wings at special prices.

That's wing Tuesdays and bonus Thursdays at Buffalo Wild Wings.

Every Tuesday gets special prices.

Way too many women working here.

Hall of Fame bound, award-winning Buffalo, New York.

Not if it was Hooters, I don't understand.

And your favorite signature sauce or dry seasoning.

And on Thursdays, start your weekend early

With the winning flavor of our all-white chicken, boneless wings.

They're lightly browned.

Come on, white.

They must be racist, dude.

What?

What about black chickens, dude?

I didn't even mention that.

Did they say white chickens?

How about brown chicken, dude?

Well, it all comes out kind of brown.

How about a tan chicken, dude?

No, it has to be all white.

Hey, Phil, my man.

How you doing?

What's up?

Good.

How you doing?

Who's this?

I'm all right, my man.

Hey, boy.

Hey, this is Ruben.

Ruben, applause.

applause uh i i was supposed to guess is there a woman man are you a man or what are you me oh man

yeah manager also yes sir oh good yeah because that whoever was just talking to was like she's

gonna put a woman on the phone or something yeah i don't deal with that listen why i get

charged why are you charging 80 cents sample why i got a i asked for a sample of the ghost pepper

sauce the hottest one there i said i wanted a sample first because of my sinuses and i get

the bill back it says 80 cents for a sample mother fuck yeah they shouldn't have charged you for that

yeah yeah bullshit so i think there's some flim flam going on they shouldn't have charged you for

that they should take out the bill i apologize for that ruben do you live close by or oh yeah

yeah i totally do awesome ruben well you want to um come into my name is phil i'm the manager i

can give you some uh you know i can take it off the bill or i can come in i give you some uh free

wings you know five free wings does that sound good how about can you give me a large 20 i can't

can't do that ruben no all right so five five five with that ghost sauce what's that the blazing

yeah blazing sauce all right all flats all flat that sounds good ruben all right and i'll have

celery carrots ranch with that yeah are you still are you coming tonight ruben or are you coming

next time no i'm coming now i'm gonna come by now can i get them extra wet of course ruben i got

you all right cool can i get them double fried double baked yeah yeah yeah yeah no bookers give

Give me a favor.

Bring the receipt.

If you have the receipt, I want to see who the server was and how they charge you for it.

Yeah, because I want to see who that server was, too.

I want them to be there.

We need to have an intervention here and get this all explained.

Because maybe they're...

I'm trying to guess.

Because I...

Shut up.

I saw in 2020 how these servers, the female ones, they're having trouble making ends meet

because they have bastard children.

And then they start, like, squirreling away a little money here and there, a dollar here,

extra, a dollar there, extra.

And they start putting it together, especially this time of year, the Christmas coming up.

You know, they're like, oh, I'll just take, I start, I start, they start doing like up like $5 a day, man.

That adds up in two, three months.

You know, they got Christmas gifts right there.

They got fucking Nintendos and stuff.

Yeah, we can't have that.

No, fuck these women, man.

We can't be letting these women, you know, women control.

They ovulate at the same time and everything.

I love you, man.

I hurt myself.

Fucking five wings.

wings that's i could eat that like in one freaking butt now well he's really going out

on a limb here dude he probably like what give you like five cents worth of food i had 20 wings

yesterday but i had a all i had was like three egg whites for breakfast and i had no probably

free they sell a pile of those dude they got a bunch of them that are free and they just sell

Yeah, they put them together, and they give them to you for free, and it's like, ah, keep the money.

That's a little scam.

Brad Carter used to do that.

Brad told me, well, in his book, he told me.

He told me in writing in his book and everyone else.

Like, when he worked at a drive-thru, I think, at McDonald's or something, he said a lot of the orders were, like, I just want a soda.

I want a large Coke.

I want a large Pepsi.

So, as an employee, they got all the free drinks they wanted.

So, the guy, yeah, sure, no problem, you know.

$1.15, pull up to the first window, and they pay him $1.15, and he gave him the soda for free

because they didn't check on it.

It was like it was his soda.

He may have had a nice little racket going on with that, apparently.

That's a good idea.

Most people don't want their receipt.

It's pressure for a soda.

Yeah, fuck that receipt.

Unless you're me.

I want every fucking receipt.

Oh, you're that guy, huh?

You're that guy.

I need this for my toxins.

I've had motherfuckers try and challenge you and say you didn't pay for shit, dude.

And even if it's a dollar, man, I said, look, I got it here.

After I get out, I'll throw the motherfucker away.

But right then and there, I won't pay for it, man.

If it's for work, like for my lunch, I'll get the receipt because I actually do keep those.

And I do put them, you know, my stuff.

I keep them for my expenses and stuff, dude.

But it comes to the point where, dude, I don't even need to do that anymore for expenses.

I got so much other shit I got to deal with, man.

That's the least of my worries.

God damn it.

God damn it, Milkman.

You know?

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Exactly.

What else can you do, man?

You know, you can't go out and treat everybody.

You know, sometimes you just got to eat yourself, man.

Yeah, you got to take care of yourself.

You got to eat.

You got to survive.

You got to get your receipts.

But you got to pay with...

That's what I do all the time.

You also got to pay with cash.

I don't have a very big reason.

I got one.

It's got everything on it.

You got to pay with cash as much as you can, especially your books.

Buy your books with cash.

That's a big tip.

All the ingredients, man, on one receipt.

Yeah.

If you want to learn the recipe, just look at the receipt.

Hey, Milkman, I got a piece.

Let's take a quick, like, five, ten-minute break.

We'll come back, do some more pranks, call it a night.

All right.

Happy birthday to you.

I'm going to pack up another Granddaddy Purpose here in the basement.

I'll be waiting for you.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

There are one.

For you.

Okay.

Hold back just for you.

marijuana awesome all right so when we come back when we come back we got the uh 24 hour

wells fargo customer service we can call all right they've been fucking with people

you know they hit me they hit me with that too man i had a bank account they

they closed i said close the bank account i called them i had them close the bank account

i went to the place came back they kept reopening it they reopened it three fucking times and every

Every time they reopened it, they would open another one on top of that.

And I'm pretty sure I was at three.

Oh, yeah.

I had the hardest time.

Yeah.

They call me like I'd be getting a call from Wells Fargo.

Yeah.

You owe $20 on your bank account.

Like, motherfucker, I closed this with zero balance four months ago.

And you guys keep reopening it and charging me the minimum fee.

I like Wells Fargo, too, man.

I like Wachovia.

I like Wachovia until Wells Fargo took it over.

But whatever.

Yeah.

Well, they're not good service, dude.

But now I understand why they're good service.

This is too wetter than Wednesday.

Yeah, bullshit.

We also got Junk My Car.

Speaking of Junk Buster, we also got We Buy Houses.

You're talking bullshit with them.

They can sit there and type into those false panels while they're bullshitting you, right?

So that's what it's about.

Hey, Elizabeth, we got Junk My Car and We Buy Houses also.

Dot coms, those are.

We got some vacations.

We got more Craigslist numbers.

We're going to try to get you a birthday cake.

We'll fuck with some sports bars in Chicago about the Cubs losing tonight.

night the first cool in the background you can play man like phil phil henry or something uh

not on short notice uh it's kind of short notice our old music man well i'll see what it's short

notice now i got some good pranks some of the older pranks just do what the fuck you always do

i got some of the older pranks the older pranks like anyway look i'll be right back all right

Hey, I'll be right back.

Bye.

All right, honey, baby.

Over and away.

We love you.

Pals Radio will be back right after this.

Yeah, hi.

Is this the Indian place that you make the orders at and that you come pick it up?

Yeah.

I'd like to make an order, please.

It's not the Indian place.

Oh, you guys do kebabs there?

Yeah.

But it's Indian people?

It's on Sun and Rainbow.

Is it Indian people?

No, that's not Indian.

This is Afghan restaurant.

Oh, that's disgusting stuff.

I don't think...

Yeah, you are disgusting as super.

but don't call here no more.

It's stupid.

You fucking asshole, bastard.

You fucking asshole,

you're disgusting.

What kind of person are you calling here?

You don't want to order?

Don't order.

I don't want to...

You're talking bullshit.

It's stupid.

I don't want to...

Good.

Wow, jeez.

Those people just...

Is it a full moon or something tonight?

Good God.

Yes, hi.

I'd like to make an order, please.

We are closed for tonight, sir.

Bullshit, you disgusting monkey,

immigrant bastard.

You fucking piece of shit.

You're fucking...

How many fathers do you have?

I bet you have more than...

I got your number.

I'm going to report you.

You know that?

You're calling to the business that you're borrowing from?

I don't care what the problem is.

I'm going to...

What is your name?

How many...

What is your business to calling here?

You're saying disgusting.

You're disgusting multiple...

You're a fucking piece of shit, asshole.

Why are you calling here?

How many fathers do you have?

I asked you several times.

Go ask your mother.

I'm your dad, you know.

Piece of shit, motherfucker.

You just come with your man.

Come face to face to me.

Then I'll show you how many.

Then I'll tell you who I am.

I'm going to kiss the...

you smell thank you for coming to the japanese takeoff well it's about time i have a man answer

the phone how you doing sweetie how can i do for you good and he's i was hoping to speak to a

manager as a gentleman there who's been saying rude things to me and refusing me service so i

wanted you to have him written up okay well what can i get for you today well i was asking about

the spaces there he doesn't seem to understand and i asked him he said he's asian that he didn't

understand me okay and what kind of spaces were you looking for sir like coming to eat how many

For how many people?

Well, not exactly how many people, but spaces.

Like how many spaces, how many, like, you know, different, you know, platforms you have there.

Well, like, we don't really have platforms.

What we do have is we have a bar area.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

We have the lounge area, and then we have the stairs.

Right, okay.

So it's a total of 17 tables.

Sure, right.

Okay, so how many spaces do you have?

We have 17 spaces.

17 spaces?

Yep.

Okay, at what rate of space per hour?

No, it's not rated per hour.

Oh, can you break it down for me by meal?

Can

I break it down to you by meal?

Right.

Not technically.

It just depends on what your party wants to order.

Average, please.

I'm trying to get a flat rate.

It's going to be around $20 to $36.

$36 per player, so multiply that by nine spaces.

Okay.

I do not have a calculator in front of me this evening.

Do you have the cash register there?

No, I'm not.

Aren't you Japanese?

Don't you have all those computers and shit?

What's wrong with you?

Hang up the phone.

I command you to hang up the phone.

I'm so tired of you people and just fucking bringing me down.

Get out the gate.

Go.

Go to hell.

Go now.

Okay.

Is there anything else I can get for you, sir?

Go to hell.

That's it.

Go to sleep.

Okay.

You have a good idea for me.

All right.

All right, see you in there.

Bye-bye.

Thank you.

Bye.

I'll see you.

Ten minutes ago, a guy tried to break in my truck.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Yes, he's a long-legged, tough-knocked Puerto Rican.

Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.

Yes, ma'am.

How are you doing today?

I'm very well, thank you.

How are you?

Good.

Listen, I have a complaint to make.

Okay.

I was in there, and there was a sign that said,

Down with USA, down with Israel.

Okay.

And what is this?

you were here and you were sorry could you repeat that again i saw a sign in our hotel yes and it

says down with usa i don't i can't i haven't seen that sign and i don't think that is the right

thing to see anyway in the hotel no in the hotel it says that it says down with israel down with

usa uh where did you see that sign in the hotel lobby was in the room was in the room in the hotel

hotel lobby and then when i was checking in the man he said hey he told me come here come here

and i said what and he said come close he said come close right like that and he came to my ear

and he whispered he said down with usa that is not acceptable but as i said well i want to speak

with aziz uh with the manager you can't speak right now you need to call back in two or three

hours time because it's six o'clock in the morning where are you from i am iranian yeah you sound a

little bit like you've got a problem though are you a little slow no i'm not you sound like it a

little bit no no no no no you're mistaken no i'm not so no you sound like you have a have an ep

you have an epilepsy no no you've got it 100 wrong listen you have a complaint and you need

to call back and speak to the manager and if you think i've got epilepsy that means you're stupid

why are you insulting me no i'm not because no wait wait wait you call me stupid you're insulting me

right when you're telling me after epilepsy and i'm slow that means you're trying to insult me

and that is not acceptable here where if you think okay i get out at six o'clock in the morning i

call iran and i tell them okay that is slow they don't understand what they're talking about and

we're gonna stand against that and you can't do anything about it and that is the way we think

and that that is the way we act you know your mother is the way why you people are scared of

Your mother has sex with monkeys from behind.

Thank you for calling about the post position.

Gina.

Hey, Gina.

Gina.

Hello.

Gina, I want to make that happen.

I want to be the post office man.

I would love to deliver the mail.

I have experience.

I was in the Army, so I have experience, and I have federal benefits experiences.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah. Do I have to be in the union to get this job?

No, sir.

Oh, okay.

I can let you know everything you need to know, but first, may I please have the correct spelling of your first and last name?

Hey, I just want to let you know, I hit the zero number, and I got to skip that whole long, boring thing.

So can you explain it to me, because I just wanted to talk to a real person.

Okay, may I please have the correct spelling of your first and last name?

Well, you know, before we get into that, ma'am, I mean, I really would like to make sure they're not being taken for a ride.

What are you offering me? I'm a star.

I'm offering you the materials to prepare for the mandatory exam, sir.

For what mandatory exam?

Explain the exam to me.

I am good.

I use a paper and a pencil, and I fill in the dots, and I give it in.

I give it in to the woman or the man in the front.

No, sir.

Are you taking it on a computer?

On my computer machine or yours?

No, sir, at a testing facility.

Okay, but what's the deal here?

When they go to the testing facility, how much does it cost to use the computer?

Is that where it is?

is so how you doing there is no fee for the exam sir all right is it a hard exam um you will have

to prepare for it it's not common knowledge if that's what you're asking well i just these are

one of those easy ones like a mickey mouse exam that's exactly what i'm good at i'm good at mickey

mouse uh mickey mouse exams and classes and training no sir it's not a mickey mouse exam

do i need the drug test to come in yes sir do you know how long like does that include

Does it include, like, all the substances?

Like alcohol?

Does it include alcohol?

I'm not sure, sir.

How long does it take?

Let's say that I was at a Rolling Stones concert last week

and there might have been something passed around

and I might have taken a few hits.

How long would it take for that to get out of my system

so I could pass the exam?

Sir, you're not serious about this, are you?

Well, yeah, I am.

I just want to make sure maybe I should hold off a week

or drink a lot of water or vinegar or something like that.

I have no idea, sir.

Does it take like maybe two or three weeks to get out of your system?

I have no idea.

Do you do a hair test or is it a urine test?

I have no idea.

Because I heard there's this test where you get on a treadmill.

I have no idea.

You run on the treadmill and they take the sweat off the crack of your ass.

I have no idea.

Because the toxins come out the latest.

I have no idea, sir.

The crack of your ass.

So you don't do the crack of your ass what test?

Hello, ma'am?

Okay, we lost her.

She has no idea, Milkman.

man toll free at 1-888-278-8509 you know what i hope that when you die they put your gps in

your box and a trap door at the bottom so when you die you open up trap door at the bottom

you check the gps and you go straight down to the hell madhouse radio is back you are bigger

than a woman you are better than a woman we'll always be behind you do not let a woman we'll

We'll always make you fun.

Ever.

Make you who you are.

We'll be free to live out its miserable span of existence.

It's one of my satellites, and that's how it's going to be.

Yeah, go.

Hey, Carlito here, and I'm back.

Oh, the clap is going with the music.

Yeah.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

Hope you're all enjoying this shit.

Milkman, you there?

You come back?

Uh-oh.

I'll lose you

Oh boy

No fan's still on mute

There you are

Really quick

Want to mention MSC3 Clay

Is listening

Yeah well he was

He's in the chat room

I want to tell him

Give him a message

Okay MSC3 Clay

There's a station called Comet TV

They have a show on there called

Well, the Mystery Science Theater 3000, it's out on Sundays, and it airs.

They air all the old shows.

It's actually on this evening.

You've got to look it up.

It's called Comet TV.

That's funny you mention that, because that's why I needed to talk to him.

I actually was watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 today at a random.

I've been watching it, yeah.

I felt like watching an episode.

I saw the Marooned episode, the 1969 movie Marooned, that really bad Gene Hackman movie

about the astronauts stuck in the capsule.

And it's one of the good ones, I remember.

That was one of my favorites as a kid.

Wasn't that show on Showtime originally, or Cinemax,

and then it ended up on Comedy Central?

Or was it always on Comedy Central?

It was on a premium channel, I think, originally.

It didn't start out on comedy channels, on something else.

I think you're right.

It was maybe Cinemax or something.

Might have been one of those.

Whoever had Max Headroom, I think it was Cinemax, right?

right? And then it ended up... Yeah, Max

had him with Cinemax.

I don't think it was HBO. I think it was Cinemax.

He wouldn't know. So that's why I'm throwing it out

there. And there were

two Joels also, right? Wasn't there

two Joels? Like, there was an original one

and he ended up leaving, and then they had the other one,

the goofy one that I didn't like so much.

You guys know more than me, dude. I just

watched the Shadow of the Dead and got stoned.

Great show, though. Super fun.

A lot of fun watching that show. Yeah, it's a great show,

man. Yeah, man. Oh, yeah.

Alright, let's do a few more calls. Get out of here.

before i gotta go i gotta get to work tomorrow motherfucker so it's called junk my car.com

you lost your car in a divorce you want to uh this is the suggestion that i lost my car in a

divorce i want to sell it before my ex-wife gets there i like good idea thanks for calling pedal

the fastest easiest way to sell your car if the year of your vehicle is 2000 or newer press one

if the year of your vehicle is 1999 or older press two or wait on the line and we'll be right with

a text message to give you hey this is blaine may i have your make it a car people hello hello yeah

hi yeah listen um i'm getting a divorce my wife won the car in the divorce you know settlement

so i like all right i like you guys to take that car so i can sell it to you guys you guys can take

it before you know she gets it okay sir so just to confirm are you in a speaker phone uh-huh can

Can you please turn off the speaker because my voice is getting bad.

Oh, okay.

How's that sound now?

Is that good?

Yeah, that's better, sir.

So can you give me the year, make it the model of your car?

Yeah.

It's a 1988 Honda Accord.

I'm sorry, you said 1988?

Honda Accord.

Yes, sir.

It's a 1988 Honda Accord.

Is it a two-door, four-door, or a station wagon?

It's a five-door.

I'm sorry, is it like a...

Five.

Hatchback?

No, no, no.

It doesn't have a hatchback.

It's five doors.

Sir, there are three accords.

First one is two-door coupe hatchback and a four-door sedan.

No, no, there's five doors on it.

Is it like the back?

You're talking about the back door as well?

No, it's not a hatchback.

Well, it's like six doors.

Yeah, actually.

Sir, I see only two-door, four-door, and a hatchback.

Okay, there's four doors on the side.

There's a door in the front and a door in the back.

That's six doors.

Stupid.

Do you have the VIN number of your vehicle, sir?

Well, it's all scratched off.

I scratched it off already.

ready i scratched it off any paperwork like the title uh well i mean the court has all that so

you don't have a title well it's in my name still until midnight tomorrow okay sir do you have like

the insurance card on any paperwork where you can read out the VIN number no i see this i'm saying

the court took all the paperwork for it right they have uh possession of the paperwork but

But legally, the car is mine for another 48 hours.

Well, less than that now.

That's another 24, 5, 6 hours.

Okay, so the car is in your name only for 24 hours?

26 hours.

Okay, so only for 26 hours.

Yeah, the glove box has a door also.

That's seven doors.

There's also like a little drawer under where the radio is,

like a little drawer that opens up.

So that's eight.

And then the center console comes up.

Is that considered a door?

So I'm asking about the four doors on the car where you open and sit on the car.

Well, all these doors open.

I understand that, but you cannot say that.

I mean, that's what a door is.

It opens and closes, you know?

Maybe there's something with the language you don't understand.

You know, is there like an American I can talk to?

Well, sir, I can't speak in English, and I do understand.

You can't.

I know you can't.

It's okay that you don't, honey.

I'm not mad at you, you know?

Okay, so is it a four-door hatchback on a two-door coupe?

Well, look, I'm counting way more doors than that.

So, if you're not understanding, I don't know what to tell you.

Well, sir, is there any way you can give me the VIN number of your vehicle?

Let's see here.

F-U-C-K-Y-O-U.

Is that how it goes?

Well, sir, I would recommend you give us a call back anytime you want.

And once you have the VIN number, you can always try to give us a call back.

Yes!

All right.

If you're going to be that way, okay.

All right, yeah.

I'm not feeling this.

I'm going to go.

I'm not feeling that at all, Milkman.

man uh that fucking pillow man i picked up that pillow and like i moved it when i went to take

the break and i don't know if i got dust in my hands and then i touched my eye for my eyes like

all red and i'm all like my eyes super itchy oh man jesus christ i was more concerned with that

than doing the prank i was trying to do an eye wash here with a gallon of water and i don't think

that was a good idea now it's starting in my right eye oh man jesus christ my eyes super red and itchy

you now well did you touch that ghost pepper sauce and then touch your eyes no no no ghost

pepper sauce man just like just you was talking about the ghost pepper sauce and then you got a

sympathetic reaction from it no no no no no i got you touched the phone it was connected to the guy

that had a ghost pepper sauce was going to give you the three five wins with ghost pepper

impregnated sauce upon it no i got dust in my eye or some crap from that stupid pillow when i

picked it up and was making noises with it like cross-contaminated on my eyes and shit like you

You should have had a bamboo pillow and wear that with your bamboo bra on.

You wouldn't have that problem.

You think that wouldn't have happened with the bamboo pillow?

You think I'd be fine right now?

You don't have a reaction.

Yeah, right.

Things are in harmony.

Yeah, right.

The bra and the pillow are in the same harmony frequency.

All right, well, that's my bad then, I guess.

All right, here's WeBuyHouses.com.

Press 1 and they will answer.

Okay, good.

That helps out a lot.

Thank you, Parkman.

Let's do that.

Oh, shit, my eyes.

Thank you for calling WeBuyHouses.

Please press 1 if you have a home to sell, or press 0 if you are calling for any other reason.

Thank you.

One moment while we connect you with our local office.

Thank you for calling Cash Offer.

This is Tamara.

Yeah, hi.

Do you have a house you'd like to sell?

Yeah, the house, I'm going to lose it in like 26 hours.

I don't want my wife to get into a divorce.

I need you guys to come over here, hook some chains up to it, and go ahead and drag it out.

Get it out of here, move it off the property.

In order to connect you with the best person to assist you,

Let me just collect some basic information from you.

Now, please have your first and last name.

Ruben Applause.

I'm sorry, could you spell that?

Ruben, R-U-B-E-N.

Last name Applause, just like it sounds.

Sorry, could you spell that?

You need me to spell Applause for you?

A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E.

That's it.

Technically, I applaused.

Oh, gosh.

That was a neat little trick I did there.

Decline cash offer.

Does Sluffy have a house he'd like to sell?

Hey, Sluffy.

Yeah, I have a house.

And in order to connect you with the best person to help you, let me gather some basic information from you, okay?

Okay.

Thank you.

What is your first and last name, please?

Ruben Applause.

Mr. Ruben, how do you spell your last name, please?

Applause.

A-P-L-A-U-S-E?

A-P-P.

Oh, two Ps. Thank you.

P-P.

L-A-U-S-E. And what is the best phone number to reach you at?

Yeah.

Thank you.

Can you spell the last name again for me, please, just to make sure?

Sure, what's it?

A-P-P-L-A-U-N-G-P.

Pee-pee, yeah, stupid.

Oh, my God, I'm 10 years old.

She said pee-pee, Milkman, she said pee-pee.

All right, let's call a sports bar in Chicago.

How's the game going?

How are them Yankees doing, Milkman?

They're up by one, bottom of the six.

Cubs up three to two.

All right, good.

Three touchdowns, that's good, that's good.

J.W. Marriott.

Are you just looking at commercials?

Looking at the commercials on the TV and giving me an update?

Oh, yeah, the Marriott song.

That's right, Milkman.

It's no help.

I am right now.

Indian Fleet, 3 to 1.

3 to 1?

Yeah.

3 to 2?

3-1 on my screen.

Oh, that's not it.

Those are hits and runs.

Telephone number 7732.

You don't even know how to read the thing, Milkman.

Come on, man.

Well, it says at the upper side corner, it says Fox World Series, Indians lead 3-1.

Indians lead 3-1?

Three games to one, right?

Oh, yeah.

That's not the score.

That's the series.

The series.

That's the series score.

Well, you mean the game score is 2-3.

There you go.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you're playing it off.

Yeah, yeah.

You don't know sports.

Milkman can't sports.

It's all right, buddy.

I told you man

I'm cheering for the Cleveland Browns

You're half Japanese

You should be a baseball fan

I'm into it man

I want the Browns to win dude

They were the first ones to get the brothers a break

I'm down with it

I think it's cool as fuck

Please leave your message for

7738

Oh my god no one wants to talk to us

The only one that picked up the phone was the gay bar

Let's call them back

Let's call the lesbian league

crew bar and grill you know your party's three-digit extension i'm gonna have to do

something to make my eyes run like water i'm gonna probably i got some habanero peppers

i'm seriously considering breaking one open hey honey how you doing how are you doing good you

got that game on we do you see that score three to two you have a question yeah you see the score

three to two it's too bad that's not gonna say like that you monkeys are gonna lose you dirty

You dirty monkeys.

I'm sorry?

You dirty monkeys are going to lose.

Your monkey team is going to lose.

You need to get a life, dude.

What the fuck do you want to do?

Yeah, you need a good dick in is what you need.

Fucking bitch.

She probably kicked my ass.

No, I'm saying, dude, take and get your, like, a washcloth, dude.

But, like, ice cold water on it.

And then just, like, close your eyelids.

And then just, like, put it up against them.

Like, let it cool off for a few minutes.

That's your cure for everything.

I've had problems with coughing once.

I had frickin' pneumonia that one time.

You're like, oh yeah, get yourself a wild cold washcloth, put it on your neck.

Motherfucker, I did that for three days, almost fuckin' died.

Like a jackass.

Well, I said to do it now, and I was gonna pick a swollen down your eye, but now you got

them all itchy.

Hello?

Hello.

Yeah, hey, you got that game on.

You got that game on.

The Cubs game.

Okay, you got that score, 3-2, right?

Is that correct?

Oh yeah, it's too bad you monkeys are still gonna lose tonight, you know?

We'll lose the whole series.

Yeah, right.

Oh, man.

You monkey.

That's from the whole Greek thing where it said, you monkeys are going to lose.

You know the one I'm talking about?

I played that last show, the Angry Greek, when Greece lost in the World Series at the end there in a shootout to Costa Rica.

I called first.

It's not an edited prank, but the first time I called, like, hey, you got the game on?

I'm like, yeah, the monkeys are going to lose.

He's like, well, I hope that's not us.

I hope that's not Greece.

I'm like, all right.

I call back after the loss, like seconds after they fucking lost.

And that guy is so fucking pissed.

Yeah, I fucked two Costa Rican today to show you who fucked who.

I'm a fucking piece of shit.

I'm going to fuck two Costa Rican today to show you who fucked who.

Motherfucker, piece of shit.

And the daughters in the background going, dad, hang up.

Hang up.

You suck my dick.

That's all you do.

Hang up.

Nothing happens to me, okay?

Pustis.

You understand that?

You pustis.

Oh, man.

Anyway.

We should have set him up with Horace, man.

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

Mr. Horace himself.

It was a bad weekend for me, sports-wise.

You know, I'm a Hurricanes college football fan.

They lost by three to the fucking Irish Notre Dame.

Fucking potato head fucking Irish.

Fucking horrible.

Fucking cheaters.

Fucking Browns.

Oh, yeah, I mean, Cleveland's playing.

Here's the anthem by the Anthem Bar.

I should have made it known that the lady who just called me a loser.

Dude, everybody asked him one day.

That's you guys there in San Francisco doing that shit.

Okay, hey, police is coming.

Don't worry.

Okay.

Oh.

Fuck you.

Fuck you, your family, all Costa Rica, plus all your fucking country,

wherever you have left.

Bitch.

I lose.

That's what you are.

You fucking bitch.

Loser.

I'm a loser?

Hours of operation are Monday through Friday, 4 p.m. to 2 a.m.,

Saturday, 11 a.m. to 3 a.m., and Sunday, 11 a.m. to 2 a.m.

If this call is regarding a reservation, order, or private event,

please email us at info...

No, no, beep. Come on.

You are now leaving a message for 7-7.

Sorry, you are having trouble.

Your message has been sent.

Please try again later.

Goodbye.

oh come on they're open man they're open man come on man all right whatever let's move off

let's move off of the sports thing uh we've done we buy houses we did that to death uh we could

call for some vacations i don't know let's see what other numbers parkman sent us here he sent

me a few emails with some more numbers here uh my old lady hates pcn i love she know call us san

san diego in the house what an old lady what someone's girlfriend hates pc and why would i

want to call her what's that about uh oh it's justin says his wife i don't know his wife

this guy i don't know justin's really scaring me wrong number don't call wrong number bro sorry

she hates us bro i think big ham is uh smoking a little bit of that reefer he's sending some

some really weird uh emails and stuff talking about call my old lady uh big barbie that she

hates pcn i don't know man i don't know i don't know about that man you're kind of making me feel

a little unsafe uh here's a pancake house in chicago this one came from parkman ellie's

pancake house 24 hours yeah let's do it let's call them monkeys thanks i'm always on my

camera speaking how can i help you hey monkey how you doing how are you i'm good you got the

game on over there no no tv why no tv can

I help you?

I want to watch the game when I eat pancake cakes.

You want to order pancakes to go?

Well, I want to watch TV over there, you know, while I...

You don't have TV anywhere that I can watch?

No, no TV.

Oh, no. Why?

Um, we just don't have TV.

Do you have radio?

Radio.

Maybe you put it on game? I hear radio game?

No, our radio's through Pandora.

Oh, but, um, is the Pandora, like, an app on it?

But can you get the TuneIn Radio app or iHeartRadio and put on the game for me, please?

No, I'm sorry.

Come on, I'll give you a big tip.

I'll suck your dick.

She's got one.

That's why she hung up.

Of course, of course.

Wow.

Oh, yeah.

This one here.

We got the Vertigo Sky Lounge.

Vertigo Sky Lounge.

That means, well, the vertigo is like when you're scared of heights, right?

Or you just get dizzy.

That's a Hitchcock movie, too.

when you do that

granddaddy purple

that's a good movie

by Hitchcock

that was a good one

that Vertigo

Vertigo

I like a good Hitchcock movie

every once in a while

thank you for calling

the signature room

at the 95th

and where the fuck

is MSC3 Claywood

my answer

what network

was that fucking show on

press 2

if you know the extension

of the person

you are trying to reach

please enter the extension now

for all other calls

please press 0

to be directed

to the operator

oh my god

thank you for calling

the signature room

at the 95th

you have reached

the operator mailbox. If this calls in regards to your reservation, please contact our...

No, no. I'm going to try an option this time.

Thank you for calling the Signature Room at the 95th. For the Reservations Department,

please press 1. For private events, press 2. If you know the extension of the person

you are trying to reach, please enter the extension now. For all other calls, please

press 0 to be texted to the operator.

One, I wasn't paying attention. I was reading Ken spreading lies that I've been calling

him a piece of shit. Okay, why would you say that?

that yeah hey ken's over here saying stuff that i didn't say hello okay i can ken is telling people

that i'm saying stuff that i didn't say i'm not sure what you're talking about do you got ken over

there ken this is the signature room yeah yeah can you put ken on the phone ken you're looking

for ken yeah because that motherfucker's talking shit about me i didn't say that shit i don't have

i don't know why i don't have any beef with ken i don't know who ken is there well fuck him then

and put him on the phone

and I sent him straight

that fucking fat titty

motherfucker out.

I'm sorry,

I'm going to disconnect the call.

Well, he's always eating bologna.

He's got a bologna sandwich, bro.

Oh, fucking...

That's what you get, Ken.

Clay missed a question.

Clay, the question is

what was the network

that MST3K was on originally?

Milkman and I

narrowed it down.

We think it was Skinamax

or Cinemax

as some other people called it.

I just watched it

for the Skinamax

at the Max Headroom stuff

stuff and uh and the what was that dave guy you know that was remember dave that was super dave

remember super dave was kind of funny you remember super dave you don't want to talk about milkman

you couldn't afford uh fucking skit cinemax mc3 places comedy central comedy channel yeah but it

was wasn't it on uh cinemax first or something i thought it was on one of those uh premium

channels first and then got picked up by comedy central i thought so at least

yeah clay says no never what was the comedy central thing really i had i did not know that

wow he says it was uh he says yeah see he's saying it was on comedy channel first and then

when comedy central i remember there were two at the same time at least for us in florida on our

cable network at the same time comedy central and that ha network or uh there were like two

two comedy channels and then they ended up merging becoming comedy central i remember there was ha

yeah i remember that um i remember the old old comedy central i remember old yeah i remember

old comedy channel it was really cool yeah i remember it was or maybe it was hot like they

showed like a lot of clips and stuff like it was all like you would watch it and it was clips of

stand-up comedy and uh like uh three stooges bits and shit like that that's all that's all it was

was um almost like mtv back in the day when it was just the videos but it was comedy clips

and they have like like i remember like they would play like a funny clip from the beetlejuice movie

and stuff like that like little clips of comedy movies and stuff little bits and stuff like that

interspersed um well that was a different time yeah yeah comedy central that was way different

different i think i want to say i think was south park the first no there wasn't like the there was

uh bill maher had a talk show on comedy central for a while first i think i want to say yeah and

i think didn't morton downey jr have a really shitty talk show also on the ha network i thought

might have been comedy central morton downey jr had this shitty show i never was a fan of

morton downey jr politically incorrect places yeah i think politically incorrect went back like back

like 89 or something maybe like 90 with bill maher originally yeah yeah clay's clay's understanding

what i'm talking about um anyway okay cool here we go uh we got that was the signature lounge

we just called here's the wit hotel the wit wit now i learned when you're in philly and you're

ordering a cheesesteak you have to order it wit or no wit or something like that which means

means whether or not you want cheese whiz on it get it with wit get it wit because those

dirty welcome to the wit the dirty fucking people here hello to the way more experience yeah i'm

trying to get one one spaces ordered wit i'm sorry one spaces ordered wit i don't understand

one space is wit wit wit i need it wit sorry sir you got a man i could talk to maybe understands

sure let me transfer you thank you remember this with wit welcome to the wit more experience in

hotels greg speaking how may director call yeah i need one wit i'm sorry i need to order one wit

i i don't understand you need to order one wit wit yeah whiz wit i i don't understand this is

the wit hotel yeah yeah yeah that's what i'm trying to get with yeah i need to order one wit

are you looking to book a room yeah one spaces yeah whiz wit okay let me connect you to reservations

god damn it you know i'm getting transferred a lot here motherfucker you and what's the

fucking problem here i just don't i didn't understand what you were the last time i

I fucking checked.

I lived in the United fucking States, you know?

Okay.

Did you want me to connect your reservations?

Asshole.

Yeah, go ahead.

Chicago Magazine says we are one sexy hotel that is...

Yeah.

Hello?

Please select from the following options.

Oh, my God.

To make a new reservation, press 1.

If you have an existing reservation, press 2.

For room reservations, press 1.

If you're a member of our Hilton Honors frequent guest program, please enter your Hilton Honors number.

Oh, no, no.

If you are not a member, or if you do not have your Hilton Honors number, enter your telephone number, starting with the area code, followed by the pound sign.

Otherwise, press star.

I'll get someone to help you.

Transferring you now.

Whenever in doubt, I put in the call-in number for Real Radio, 104.1 in Orlando.

Please stay on the line for a brief...

Y'all tune in to that station when you're in Orlando, or if you got the...

You know what?

Don't tune in.

That station sucks down.

I grew up on it.

I'll tell you what.

I'm really pissed off.

I don't know if I'm over Howard Stern, and it's sad, but fuck them.

Fuck Howard Stern.

That motherfucker, I'm going to tell you what that motherfucker's been doing.

I'm really bummed out, but this week I decided that's it, I'm done with Howard.

Chicago, I'm at your hotel, this is Landon with reservations, and how can I assist you with your reservations?

Hey, sexy honey baby, I wanted to order one wit.

Arriving wit and departing wit?

Well, no, it's not for the flight, just for the one wit.

This is for the wit hotel.

Yeah, I need to order one.

are you trying to make a reservation yeah one wit yeah i'm hungry i sure am hungry okay well you

have a great night but i'm ordering one wit stupid wasting my time could call back and mess with that

guy again but that's a lot of fucking work uh here is the end of the dove in cherry hill new jersey

cherry hill reminds me of a joke from when i was a kid it's a good joke hook it up about cherry hill

Dr. Riel, I'm going to help you.

Hey, boy, how you doing?

Hey.

Hey, look, so you have in the room, it has a big heart-shaped thing, you know?

No.

No?

You must have been saying them.

Oh, yeah, because they wanted a place to have a lot of fucking in it, you know?

Like a lot of fucking, and all the rooms have themes, like there's an Elvis room.

Does it have a pool, motherfucker?

Yeah.

And what happened?

You took a shit in it?

Dirty fucking monkey?

you thought it was gonna get angry that's jersey for you milkman you see that's your people you're

from your family's from jersey totally tell i'm not doing that good tonight i'm all right this

has been some some this is a good promise i haven't done it for a while

fucking blind hello hello hello oh sir sir ma'am sir ma'am

Yo, culo.

Puta.

Mira, puta.

Puta.

Mr. Puta.

He's just sitting there listening.

Pudo Pestoso.

He's just sitting there listening like a motherfucker.

Pudo Pestoso.

Mira.

Pervert.

Oh.

Baby.

Honey baby.

I'll call someone else.

Keep him on the line.

Call someone else.

I love doing that, Milkman.

He's attracting bears.

The N of the W dot dot com.

Citing information.

Press one for reservation.

...for types of rooms we offer.

Who's here?

Hello?

You are being transferred to the operator.

What other guy's still in there?

Apologize for delay.

Hey, jerk.

That extension is not valid.

Fuck you, shit jersey.

You see how stupid your phone is over there in Benton, Salem?

They suck.

They suck a dick.

You are being transferred to the operator.

You people suck a dick.

You are being transferred to the operator.

Thank you for...

Please continue to hold.

We'll be with you in...

That extension is not valid.

Please try again.

fucking fuck i could be having a heart attack on the heartbed right now in the middle of having

sex because i was using some really fucking shitty viagra that i ordered online from india

because they're so expensive because they're not generic yet you know what i mean milkman freaking

like 30 a pop if you're depending on your insurance oh it's a fucking 30 a pop for viagra

yeah because i went i go to my doctor and here here's the story so like fucking viagra

He's charging you $30 a tablet?

Well, let me get my story, fucker.

So, like, I told...

No, it's okay, baby.

I said to the doctor, I says to her,

I was like, hey, look, you know,

I don't really need this.

I don't tell her that,

but I don't have that problem, all right,

motherfucker, I'm a man.

But I say that I do because

with the fucking Viagra, man,

you fuck like a fucking racehorse,

you know what I mean?

Like a fucking stallion.

Like, the stallion guy from down there

at the whatever place they used to call a lot,

you know, he was like,

It's like, I got a big cock.

I got a big cock.

You know, like that.

You know, I fuck with your cock.

Fuck with the cock.

You go where you have to, but not the necessity of it.

So what I would do is I would just break it in half or even a third, a third of a Viagra.

That's all I need.

And that would give me, like, a good, they say it's good for 24.

I get about 48 hours of it, of, like, you know, like, it doesn't, you don't just get hard off of taking a Viagra.

It doesn't, like, oh, my dick's hard.

But, like, when you do get hard, it's, like, fucking, like, an arm.

you know it's like the arm it's fucking big yeah you can hit all the positions you want to hit and

then you have to be you know on the back of your head like oh you know i could try a little

you know from the side a little bit like in the porno you get you know it's wrong and you get a

little nervous and you know that you don't have to worry about that at all so my dog so i was

like yeah no problem i'll give you samples she always gives me samples every time i go in there

two three times a year she charges you 80 cents for that no that's the same that sample so so

the last time i went there i was like hey you know can i get some samples like oh well our

practice stopped giving out samples like okay i can write you a script your insurance will probably

cover you got good insurance like okay so my insurance apparently has a clause in there and

it's like we will not cover sexual enhancement we don't die we're not going to do your insurance

Insurance shouldn't pay for sexual enhancement, blah, blah, blah.

So, like, when I...

Well, you're diabetic, though, right?

Yeah, but they don't want to cover that.

Well, that's different.

Yeah, they don't want to cover that.

So, just to get the price, I go to the pharmacy and I give them the script,

and I'm all embarrassed.

I'm like, tee-hee, you know, like, oh, this guy, look, his dick don't work.

I'm like, I tell them, I go, look, I don't have this problem.

I just like to fuck really hard, you know, like, you know, sometimes.

So, I just need to get this filled.

you know it's 30 30 pills 30 days right here just my camera like steel yeah exactly but so then you

know you know i get the text from them hey you're about your the prescription you know for your

medication that starts with vi is ready to pick up so after work i get my car machine i drive up

to the drive-thru you know how much they i didn't know yet so i like i like i want to pick i got

got pickup for you know carly oh yeah and she's like uh so she comes back and on the microsoft

so you're sitting down do you want to know how much this will be like i'm like uh-oh like yeah

how much she's like 390 something dollars what like why are you kidding me sick yeah they're

like 30 a pill like no i'm i'm good you know like and in my head i was trying to justify could i get

get her to get me just one.

Like, I can maybe afford just one

and break that off maybe eight pieces,

maybe get a little bit out of that.

But no, fuck that.

But there is a generic Viagra coming out.

I think there's within a year.

So then it'll probably go down like five, ten bucks

or something like that.

But anyway.

Watch the video.

I want to know if they always advertise them.

You just saw that 1-800 deal.

What?

No, dude, don't mess with that stuff.

Engage?

What is that?

Engage?

No, no, no.

You can order a prescription Viagra, baby.

No, I don't trust that shit, man,

because then you end up getting something like meth

or fucking the horse Viagra.

That doesn't work the same way.

No, I think it's Canadian is what I think the trick is.

Oh, well, yeah, if it lived in Canada, it'd be set.

Come on, man, but look at all the drawbacks.

No, it hasn't been all the time on the radio.

It's been on here for a long time, man,

for about, like, a year or more.

Yeah, I know, I know.

It can't be bad, dude.

But after six months, it went off the air.

Yeah, but here's the thing, Milkman, you're in California, right?

How far away are you from the border?

It's far from where you are, though, right, to get to the Mexican border?

Yeah, a long way from the border.

But, all right, listen, in theory, let's say if you decided,

or if you live further south, if you live in San Diego or further south,

if the Mexico, you know, if it was feasible for you to travel

or cross the border to Mexico, from what I understand,

you can literally go into Mexico and right at the border there's pharmacies

and you can get viagra no prescription for pennies on the dollar like super cheap like five bucks you

get a whole bunch of fucking viagra and you're allowed to bring over so many of it too you can

bring back like a 30-day supply at a time so like if you're a dude lives in san diego or maybe in

one of those texas border towns like laredo texas or something you could just walk you know go down

across the border for an hour get yourself a nice burrito get yourself some of that coca-cola out

out of the bottle with the real sugar.

Just don't drink the water.

Well, bottle water, man.

And get yourself some Viagras.

And then if you want to do that for me,

email me, madhouseradio at gmail.com.

There might be something in it for you.

You know, while you're in there.

We got some serious madhouse munching points.

I might have some stuff,

some other stuff to have you get me

while you're down there.

Some firecrackers.

Oh, you're going to end up with a CD.

Oh, yeah, I'll make a whole CD for you.

I'll burn it.

Everything.

All right, come on, pranks.

Running out of time here.

My vision's back.

The itching is gone.

My eyes are very red, I'm pretty sure.

Here's the Ten Pin Bowling Lounge.

Milkman, you want to do a prank call?

You want to do a prank, honey?

You want to?

What is it about?

Where are we going?

I'm not good.

It's a bowling.

I know, yeah.

All you do is make funny, silly noises.

You just sit there and lay back.

Sit there, lay back, smoke your marijuana.

Another thing.

I'll tell you what, I'll vape some.

Thank you for calling Ten Pin.

We are centrally located in downtown Chicago near the intersection of State Street and the Chicago River.

Our address is 330 North State Street, adjacent to the Hotel Chicago and the House of Clues.

Did I say Horse Viagra?

We open daily at 11 a.m.

For information on booking events or prices...

Wait a minute.

When did I say you end up with a Horse Viagra ordering it from Canada?

Did they make Viagra for a horse?

Yeah, my horse needs a little bit of Viagra.

He's getting old, but he's a good stud.

Did you ever try that at Cialis?

Yeah, Cialis is nicer because it doesn't have such an immediate effect on your blood pressure, A.

I like the Cialis.

And it works 72 hours, yeah.

But the Cialis, the problem with the fucking Cialis is that they're like ovals.

So, like I said, I like to break them into threes because I don't need it that much.

I just need a little bit of hair off the dog, you know, to give me that edge.

that's all i need because i'm a man puerto rican man come on i was born with a hairy dick

so i don't need that shit but the fucking i just need a little bit of snake venom

but when it's not in a cylindrical shape then i'm like well how much is you know what i mean

like you can't get an even cut on it so sometimes i have more than the other but and yeah and that's

another one they say it's good for 72 hours but i swear like for five days i can like i get fucking

You're talking hard, hard, hard, man.

Oh, yeah, you feel something.

You feel something, aren't you?

No, I'm not thinking about it, dude.

Instead of like, you're thinking about it and you're getting a reaction.

Thank you for calling 10-Pin.

We are centrally located in downtown Chicago near the intersection of State Street and the Chicago River.

Our address is 330 North State Street, adjacent to the Hotel Chicago and the House of Blues.

Go Bears, go!

For information on booking events or private parties, press 1.

To speak to the phone counter, press 2.

If you know your party's extension number, press 3.

Thank you.

We look forward to seeing you soon.

Nashby's out there.

He's saying hi and happy birthday to you, Milkman.

And he says that...

Who?

Nashby, Nashby.

No, you got covered up.

What?

Nashby, Nashby.

The guy that gave you that gear so you get online.

Nashby.

Oh, okay.

Okay, I heard it.

Hi, thank you for calling 10-Pin Bowling Lounge.

If you are calling about planning an event, we would love to book your party.

Please leave your name, number, and a brief message, and we'll get back to you.

Have a great day.

Thank you.

Oh, I was supposed to hit two for the front desk.

Please record your voice message at the tone.

When you are finished, please ring up or touch...

He says that his doctor prescribes violets for him, and it only works for 36 hours.

What's up with that, Nashby?

You got a broke dick?

Nashby actually needs that shit.

He needs, like, two of them.

That's expensive.

Well, I don't know.

I'm getting...

Maybe...

Hey, is this Ten Pin Bowling Lounge?

Yes.

Oh, good.

Yeah, hey, um...

I really like the pins, you know?

How many pins are there on the normal bowling field when you play a standard game?

Ten.

Ten?

Okay.

They're really beautiful, those pins.

They look kind of phallic.

I like the way they kind of just stick up there,

especially when you hit some of them and not all of them,

and you just have the one in the middle sticking up there.

I got them a long roll.

And then the fact that you hold the ball,

you know you're using a ball towards it to go down a long shaft a long way it is bowling is

very sexual milkman come on right the pen is the penises right and then you're throwing it down

that like the vaginal canal we are centrally located in downtown chicago it was also a bad

yeah i could see you coming in the air tonight hello hey are you guys playing the game yeah

Okay, are there a lot of people watching it, or is it just on the screens?

It's on the screens.

Oh, you guys Cubs fans down there?

Hell yeah.

That's cool.

Hello?

Yeah.

You guys Cubs fans there?

Like, everyone's a Cubs fan or anything like that?

I guess so.

You guess so?

Yeah, it's too bad you monkey animals are going to lose, right?

They'll lock you back up in the Lincoln Park Zoo tonight for another hundred years.

Yeah.

Ten Pin Bowling Lounge.

We're having fun here tonight.

It's been a nice simple insult.

Simple insults, yeah.

I think the best calls of the night so far have been the ones against the wings thing,

about what the women, that was what was up.

How about we call that gay bar?

Yeah, put the Trump spin in on it.

Yeah.

Chat room, were there any places you'd like me to call back here before it gets too late?

We're going to call the gay bar now, but I know in a few instances people were like,

call that place back, call them back.

Probably been a little bit of time.

If anyone remembers any of those, I would gladly do.

Any of those telemarketing places we did at first, anything like that?

But jog your memories, if you can remember, with the show.

Milkman, I'm not playing your music.

I have not.

I've been just blah, blah, blah here like a little girl.

Let's get back to this fucking Johnny Cash.

Do some more calls.

Let's focus.

We might go into overtime tonight, just like the Cubs.

That's our game report here.

Take a look at the game report.

Cubs are up 3-2, the bottom of the seventh.

Runner on first base right now.

Interesting, interesting.

Currently one strike, one out.

Bottom of the seventh.

That'd be the Cubs right there right now.

Interesting, very interesting.

Oh, Nashville, that's cool, man.

Oh, I heard from you a long time ago.

Oh, yeah, see, I don't think you knew, like, on the Dwight shows,

Nashby gets on, and I kind of mess with him sometimes

because I played this audio of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

i don't know did you ever see that uh iron getting iron or whatever that iron man documentary from

the 70s with arnold you know really it was really big in the 70s back when you were in high school

yeah anyway so he's talking about the pump it's like you get the pump when you pump your muscles

and you feel the blood going through the veins in the muscles and it's like you're coming

he's describing like when you get really into weightlifting like you can get this feeling

like you're coming as you're working out from the blood rushing in your muscles it's really weird

so nashby kicks in uh flash me fuck god bless him he kicks in he's like yeah so i used to you know

he talks i used to take these pills when i was weightlifting when i was a mormon and uh they

were called super pump 3000 something like that and yeah we're like oh cool and that should be

cool it's like yeah they make me calm when i slept i wake up and there was a gallon of cum

in my pants i'm like okay that's kind of weird but cool so i start you know how i am with some

sometimes i can get people to start talking about this stuff like yeah so uh it's more about this

come it's like oh i don't know man i mean i just come it was like i will come in the middle of the

night and then he was a really he was really devout lds mormon at that point i guess so i

I was like, did you think you were going to hell, you know, because you were sinning, because you were ejaculating?

And I think he did because he didn't want to bring it up.

But then the other question is that, you know, they have that magic special underwear they wear.

I wonder if he was wearing that when he was doing the pom-pom.

Maybe Nashville.

Yeah.

I won't put him on because, Milkman, you asked for no guests tonight.

You wanted just to be me and you private here.

We're sitting together smoking cigarettes, drinking coffee, doing a show together.

Very Charlie Rose style tonight, which is cool.

Um, but, yeah, you know, just saying, Nash.

What are you going to put, Nash?

just i love asking about

the con yeah he says he was well i can't put him on uh oh the thing is to put him yeah it's i'd have

to hang up never mind dude we're not set up for it no i am i am it just requires hanging up the

phone once and calling you back from the other computer takes me 10 seconds 10 seconds 10 seconds

against it's just my idea nashby says he was wearing that special underwear though so he

came in the under oh my god they're rubber underwear with a special compartment it's

got a check valve it's like white cloth i thought or something lift up the receiver

i'll make you a believer anyway you can fill them up but they won't leave

things on your chest all right let me look at the chat room see if anyone here had that new

Nunu sent me a lot of numbers, dude, and we didn't get to them.

We will get to them now.

We will get to them now, Nunu.

Nunu?

Yeah, Nunu sent numbers.

Thank you.

All right.

Well, that rascal Scooter's done some good things amazingly.

We do need to get to them.

Nunu actually found good numbers.

That's inspiration.

Here, thinking ahead before I forget, Milkman,

when do you think our next live show will be?

Do we have any special events other than, I think, Thanksgiving, right?

I think we're like a month in a month.

I just want it to be Thanksgiving, dude.

Unless you want to count Veterans Day or the election.

Election, no.

I'm really busy that week.

I know, just with work.

So that ain't going to work.

You know, you got Veterans Day.

Veterans Day is the 11th, right?

Isn't it?

Let's see.

My calendar says don't fuck up the people I had.

You know what's fucked up, dude?

The last edited show on the podcast is last year's Veterans Day.

that's the most recent

I had fun at that show

I called

you remember

about a year

I was calling places

saying that

I'm a fucking veteran

I want my free shit

you know like just

oh my god

I was calling Denny's

for my free

fucking waffle

my free

Rudy Tutti

Fresh and Fruity

and all that

yeah yeah yeah

oh shit

Nuna reminded me

hey

they like saving times

on Sunday

hey well Milkman

real quick

someone is reminding me

that Nunu

Nunes reminded me, the king of Thailand, the asshole, remember?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

He died, man.

We never, yeah.

Did the funeral happen and all that?

It's probably old news to them now.

There was a bunch of shit about the last two weeks, but it kind of quieted down with all that hype and then the bunch of Clinton or Trump shit.

But no, dude, yeah, man.

There's people all upset, crying about it and everything.

everything yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah man now so we could do thailand also or nunu we'll get to

some we could do that's a good idea man because that happened while we've been on our on our

off hiatus deal right right uh so the chat room have anything that we should call back anything

at all i don't think so no not really i don't know you know hell plus you've had the flopping

of the note seven there's people out there in the tech world you know shit that we can fuck with

Yeah, that's true.

Enigmas is called Junkbuster or Corporate Security Junkbuster.

Let's look them up.

Real quick, man.

Is the S8 going to come out already, or should I just try and get that stupid S7?

The S8's not going to come out until Mobile World Congress.

And that's, like, next year.

That's going to be March.

They're not going to do it.

They've really been, like, changing their tone lately.

So that's why I've been wondering if you've heard anything.

Yeah, I don't think that note's going to come back at all, dude.

I think you're, if you want a Samsung, get that.

Oh, no, it's gone.

Oh, no, no, I'm forgetting that.

I just want to know if they're going to advance the S8.

No, probably not.

They can't do it like that, dude.

They won't.

Samsung doesn't do stuff like that.

If they have to bite the bullet, they want to.

They're getting some bad, bad reviews with that washing machine.

Did you hear about the washing machine that stands around?

I heard about that.

It just fucking starts to work.

The other thing that catches on fire.

What the fuck catches on fire?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, but go with the S7.

I love my S7.

I got it on release day.

I got it a week before release day

I got mine early

I love the fucking thing

I got it along with a Gear S2 Classic watch

I love the two working together

I've lost a lot of weight using the watch

It does a great job tracking

I'm just saying

Yeah

I highly recommend the S7

I got the Edge version S7

I love it, it's still working strong

As a matter of fact, I just got the Nougat update

This week

Can you read those things?

There really is no need to.

Just to get the tethering going, I'd be in there.

You don't even need that, dude.

You can tether without...

There's apps out there that tether without root now, man.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, so I haven't rooted a phone, I want to say, since 2012.

The only one I really ever wanted to root was because of that, basically.

Yeah, the last one I rooted was in 2012.

It's more of a hassle now than anything.

Okay.

Yeah, don't even...

And then you run the risk of a lot of bad execution code getting on the phone.

Your best thing, just run normal vanilla, especially the Samsung stuff and all that.

They're good hardware, except for the batteries.

But, again, I think that's the supplier of the batteries that fucked them over with that.

Hey, anyway, look, like I said, new, new numbers, but we're going to call Junkbuster.

We've got a special request from Enigma, who is the holder of the key, the key master of our chat room

and is no longer the PCN chat room, again, as I explained.

PCN is no more.

Please stop asking me.

Is Enigma still around?

of course he is i want to ask everyone please please i know this is a serious moment right now

i love you guys i love what we had with pcn other than the people who betrayed us good people you

know the good people um and a lot we had a lot of fun with it and a lot of good things came out of

it we launched the careers of people like dwight we gave matt a solid show uh we gave other people

people exposure um a lot of different cliques and groups formed we had a lot of fun and we're

still all together but just don't don't keep asking me about bringing pcn back or another

network i'm just i'm tired i was a i was burned out on it and that was at a time when i was out

of work on disability and i could contribute a lot of time to it i'm back to work now i leave

an active lifestyle the shit my my wife and i did we have problems yeah my wife and i had a lot of

of problems there for a while but we've fixed them out uh we're doing great right now and i'm

you know i decided i made a conscious decision about this time last year that i wanted to

concentrate on me and taking care of myself i've lost close to 85 pounds now i work out three to

four times a week i take really good care of myself i've reduced my dependence on insulin

and medication i feel great i'm walking a lot better i don't have to use a fucking cane a

a fucking boot on my foot um everyone tells me i look great um i'm at a really good point in my

career right now and i'm just happy that i can do a show once a month on average as it seems

now i wish i really need to get on the podcasting and keep these things updated because the majority

of the listeners aren't able to hear it um unless they catch it live because i i know freaking

mixler the showreel system on mixer sucks it's cool that it's there but you're stuck you gotta

got to listen to it you can't really fast forward it it's all screwy it's slow it uses up a lot of

bandwidth i know it's better you know when i edit it down i get to sound exactly how i like it

i'm doing the best i can um i'm gonna get on top it's a point i want by the end of this year

i want to catch up the podcast and i definitely don't want to be 365 days behind on the podcast

podcast so i i'm promising you the thanksgiving show from last year is in the process of being

edited right now i i'm edited through an hour and a half it was a long ass show but the crazy

why it's taking so long is because it's fucking hilarious and i'm loving listening to it because

that's thanksgiving show we had people out there um doing uh pranks uh doing the video for us and

stuff like that there's a lot of cool stuff so anyway what i'm trying to say is look you know

as far as the network's concerned it's not going to come back i already you know i'm not feeling

it anymore i got burned too many times we had fun with it it's just not the kind of thing that's

going to work out for me if anyone else out there wants to try to do a network whether or not you

want me to be involved with it hey all power to you go ahead i want to keep doing my thing

there's always i'm always going to keep paying the the mixer account so that dwight has a home to do

shows on and matt has a show place to do shows on um brad knows that he can always jump on that one

but he's got his own mixture account going that's fine um you know but as far as this coming back

like i said i'm not feeling it and i wouldn't do it without my best bro brad my my pranking brother

is brad milkman you're my hermano show brother you know my number two guy when it comes to all

this but when it comes to you know working as a network and as a unit and working collaborating

brad's my guy he's my homie you know we go back years now god me and brad go back like good eight

eight years now working together and i wouldn't do it without him i wouldn't want to start a network

without him that was just this and that's that wouldn't be a network to me without my man brad

carter and he's uninterested because he had a whole bunch of shit happen to him too and he's

you know we're not it's just not going to happen man just let's just all do it simple man people

everybody you just gotta understand man this was the thing that we developed over years

years or something out of it everybody got together as a group we got a lot of positive

things all negative things came out of it but like all things so this comes a time and as we all grow

up and change our life things more things other things become more relevant things some things

become less and the whole network idea i think because we could go and get the most positive

we could get out of it everybody can start pulling on their own load and let's not forget the reason

The reason I started PCN proper was because the Madhouse show and chat room became a network.

Somehow, someway, I just, like, one day I looked around and I was like, we've got three, four different shows going on.

We're all in a chat room and we're calling ourselves a network.

But then I was like, yeah, well, at some point, you know, I'm going to, might, you know, I might fuck up and piss off a lot of people.

Intentional or not, A, or B, I might get tired of this.

There should be something else.

So PCN became a thing to give this whole community a way to keep moving on in some form or fashion without me having to be the center of it.

Because I think it was too cool of a thing.

There was a lot of shit going on.

Remember, we had gotten in trouble there a little bit.

There was some time when you got sick.

Before that, earlier on, I had been working.

So a lot of things had changed.

I kept getting sick and all that.

So I had a platform of the future that would allow people still to gather, you know, without us having to be the main driver.

Yeah.

Yeah, so it was a better thing to kind of get things going.

And so, all right, so we did it.

It was fun.

We had a few really banging pranksgivings.

And I missed, look, you tell me, I missed the days, and it helped me out a lot.

Because, like, when I was in all those hospital stays and shit, and PCN was at its peak, there was a show on, a live show on every night of the week.

and it was freaking awesome

because no matter

and I was

Milkman could tell you

I was in some really

dark places there

for a while

like emotionally

you went through

a lot of shit

my marriage was really bad

a lot of people didn't know

I just tell them

you know

that you're

getting better and such

it wasn't easy

for you bro

I know man

and a lot of it

was my doing

the way I took care of myself

and the way I treated my wife

and a lot of it

was just fucking

how life happens

but the ability

to like

we all gotta grow up man

yeah but the ability

to say well tonight

night fucking dwight's gonna do a show well fuck it you know i don't care you know i mean we got i

got three hours not to worry about i'm just gonna be fucking funny or even if just listen or every

night there was a show on there was a neon show brad you know oh yeah it's people i don't even

know who the fuck half of them were yeah there's so many people we were going we were going oh you

know here's how bad it was like an idiot i even tried to like promote some talent and put a few

people on once or twice yeah it was fucking ridiculous but we had a different we had a

different angle back then and yeah we i think we found out that you know pursuing that angle had

some good things and had some other outcomes but not so good and on this side of it now and we

the whole doing the group thing together we took about as far as we could yeah we accomplished a

lot too like i'm really super proud of dwight i mean we were giving fucking people money yeah

We're playing jokes and having fun.

We're even giving people money.

Yeah, well, that's the whole fucking other thing.

I mean, so that just gives you an idea, dude.

It really did go somewhere.

Well, I'm really proud of things like, all right, like, for example, not to suck Ken's

Dwight's dick.

And Ken, he's like one of my, he's a friend of mine.

I consider him a brother.

He's like a brother to me.

Don't get jealous, Milkman.

Not like me or Molly or you.

But yeah, like Ken went from being a listener to a regular listener, a chatterer, to being

Being on shows, my show and then other shows, so starting his own damn show.

And he's freaking awesome.

He does his own, he doesn't, like, he doesn't copy anything.

Ken's stuff is not a copy of anything.

He does Facebook trolls, Facebook live shit that no one else does.

He does calls.

Him and his crew do crazy fucking hilarious shit.

Some of the funniest shit this year that I've done have been off-air stuff, you know,

know in conferences that dwight and me and others have been involved with some fucking stuff that

never gets it gets maybe gets recorded i don't know it never gets released publicly um just stuff

like that i'm proud of everyone everyone you know got to get do stuff out as a neon still doing her

thing over there neon it's a whole long story with that too let's not get into it you know

neon is neon but she's cool and all that she's everyone support her and all that i guess uh

And Brad's doing his thing.

Brad's going strong right now.

I've heard some really good...

I listen to Brad's show regularly when I work out.

My wife does also.

My wife's a big fan of Brad's shows.

I listen to Ken's stuff.

I really wish Ken would put his stuff on podcasts

and make it way easier for me to catch his stuff.

But Ken usually drops me audio directly or YouTube links.

So I stay on top of that.

Matt's show.

yeah as a matter of fact

when I was quote unquote gone

from everything I was on Matt's show every week

you know no matter what

I always made a show to be on that show

we're talking too much man

anyway I was trying to say network don't look for it

well we're trying to answer some like

some like echoes dude

people been rumbling cause we haven't been on much

since the DCM came

kinda it's own way

it went to dawn

and I do her own shit

so we're kinda answering that

Is there more that I could talk about?

Is there certain people I could talk about?

A certain one person I could talk about?

We could get specific, dude.

We'll be here the rest of the damn night.

Well, I don't want to.

That's always been my style, dude.

I don't even...

Not on my...

Those guys and gals aren't on my radar.

I'm not...

You're not going to single anybody out, man.

The Gilly Parties know who they are, dude.

And the people that know the rest of the group

already know the whole story.

You won't have to do an explanation.

But anyway, in a way,

the whole PCN thing worked because

without me running it

and without me pulling strings

and ripping my hair out and uploading

episodes every day

multiple times a day so that

everyone was whatever and managing

money coming in

it's still going

yeah

and there is still talent on the air

there was always somebody that had time

that was a nice thing

it was nice

anyway I take the high road

I'm not, I've, if you've noticed, I've tried the least as possible to be public and call out certain people and go to war over, this is a fucking radio war, we're not going to do a fucking radio war, like a fucking radio war, yeah, most of you know what happened, most of you know, okay, yeah, yeah, okay, me and my wife got called relentlessly on Christmas Eve last

year while i was trying to do a show with brad one last show with brad and uh yeah then christmas day

my family uh my wife's family my family got harassed like crazy on christmas day during

christmas dinner and blah blah blah there's no stories out there it's what it did but i'm not

going to come out and oh radio war radio revenge war because it's fucking stupid what it did none

None of it solves anything.

All that stuff Childish did was make it more miserable for everybody.

Now there's less fun because of all that stupidity.

Yeah, well, whatever.

It didn't do anything good.

Whatever.

People have apologized.

You know, I don't hold a grudge.

It's whatever.

I'm going to apologize all you want, man.

But, you know, some things can be unheard.

Well, yeah, so for the people.

You can unsay them, but you can't unhear them.

People have apologized for stuff.

And I'm like, all right, cool.

It's cool, man.

whatever and and it seems like there's then there's this leftover thing like well why don't

you want to work with me anymore why can't we do this why can't we start up again let's go back

it's like no no no no no man like no no we're apollo we're cool all right look i'm sorry for

whatever it is that you say i did you're sorry for whatever it is everyone said you did you know

what let's just leave it there but i don't want to fucking i don't want to help people out anymore

like that because it stabs me in the back and you know it was just really it was not the the

The whole network shit was really fucking stressful.

You know, it ruined a friendship.

We did a lot of nice things for people, okay?

It ruined a really cool friendship.

Some people don't know that we got taken heavily advantage of.

It ruined a really cool friendship that we had with someone out there, you know?

Even though we had to take the shit, we still rode it out.

We were trying to bring more of a group together so that everybody could hear two people and

if they were off, it was nothing.

Like, Nunu's going to fucking cancel us if we don't do this call.

All right, Nunez, we're going to play your song here.

We're going to get a grasp of your wheelie burn out here in just a minute.

And this wasn't to call anyone out, man.

This wasn't to call anyone, Sybil, Rude.

This is answering all the whiners, all the emails, all the questions, all the phone calls.

All that you guys talk to Carlito, ask him whenever you talk to him.

I hear it from people.

This is the answer that you all want.

It's not bad feeling.

it's just time that when when you grow up sometimes in your phase of life that you have to move a

different direction it just sucks that taking the direction of a whole fair amount of people all on

the same bus has gone as far as it can go now we stopped at the bus stop and people started going

on the trip to their own destination yeah it just sucks that you know taking the high road and

includes not giving answers to questions about stuff that maybe probably should be fair

You did this, you did that shit.

That's how you get into fighting again.

Taking the high road is just like, it's all right.

Move on from it.

Taking the high road, does it look like pussy moves a lot of times?

Yeah, taking the high road makes you look like a pussy.

But in the end, it really is.

No, dude, no.

I make a difference.

I've got a philosophy.

Anybody can be a fucking dickhead.

Even a retard.

Anybody can screw you over.

Anybody can cheat you.

Somebody you don't know.

Somebody with no intelligence.

just somebody that's a brand scientist, you know, a genius can teach you, dude.

And that is easy.

It's not even a dozen.

But you do something good for somebody, positive, make them smile, make them happy,

or do something different in their life other than cause pain, drink.

So continue, dude, by doing what you're doing.

You're doing the hardest thing of all, dude.

You're bearing a man up and going past the argument.

And then you did this toothy, addictive bullshit and just say,

for the good of all, continue, dude.

and let's just leave that

and move on from it.

When I'm gonna sort it out,

it's over with.

Dead.

Dead and buried.

Ha ha.

Rest in hell.

PCN.

Piece of shit network.

Fucking piece of shit.

It's alright.

I never liked PCN.

Don't have a cow name there.

I never thought anything

on PCN was funny.

I hate those hosts

over at PCN.

They fucking suck.

I never talked to anybody.

Everybody I talked to

still asked about it.

Alright, look.

We gotta call Junkbuster

and then we gotta call the UK

and then we gotta call

for some shit for sale

and then we gotta get out of here.

I'm already...

Then we gotta call me.

need you. 20 minutes past

the time already. Get on the

camera, Nene. Get your

rascal scooter posed, because we're going to be calling

you soon. See what happens when we

start entertaining drama? Now

I'm going to be under stuff for work tomorrow.

Shit. Well, if people don't like it,

then they'll have to wait until we do our next show.

Ken's pissed off because he sent in a number first.

Hang on, Ken. I'll get you to you.

Hello? Hey, buddy.

How you doing? This is Junkbuster.

Who's calling? Oh, this is

Jose. I was calling because I have

I have several items of junk I need.

Do you know where the Los Altos Park is?

No, I don't.

Okay, it's here in Long Beach, and I know you're not information.

I'm not trying to say that you don't have to say that you're information.

But I need some junk removed, Los Altos Park.

It's on the outside.

Maybe tell me what kind of junk.

Do you do vehicle junk, cars?

Do you just do items like washing machines and all that?

Yeah.

Yeah, you do both of them or just one?

Whatever you have.

Okay, all right.

And you haul yourself?

No.

Okay, I will bring it to you.

What?

I bring it to you, or do you come and haul it, buddy?

That's what I'm asking, brother.

Okay, well, why don't you send me a picture, my friend?

Okay, sure.

So I don't waste your time or mine, you know.

I'm just trying to do the right thing here.

My question, and maybe a few more, just real quick.

Do you come out to get the stuff to haul it,

or do i usually bring the stuff to your facility and then you scrap it there dispose of it from

there how does what's the goal we come out and get it okay so you haul you haul that's good that's

good uh are you guys licensed good firm you got the rebreathers and safety no we're not you haul

okay no i'm not looking for moving no but like i mean you're licensed you have all your

license safety or whatever the city of long beach or whatever is required of you to have to do this

properly you have all that in order i'm presuming uh yes everything is necessary okay including

being a racist like you are yes yeah you're a big fucking racist you know that am i yeah you know

i've been on to you for several years now i'm a pretty good fighter too buddy yeah well come on

why don't you meet me motherfucker i'll pick you up i'll throw you over the border like a

refrigerator the problem is is you're all talk yeah i'm still that's why you call on the phone

Okay, so where do you want to meet at then, motherfucker, you?

Well, see, you're all talk.

You waste my time, and that's the problem.

Okay, Los Altos Park then, bitch.

Because I want to hurt you so bad.

Oh.

And when I do get my, you're all talk.

Okay, so what are you, tell me now.

I'm ready to do this now.

You're a big-ass shit.

I'm ready to do this now, motherfucker.

I'm ready to do this now.

So go fuck yourself.

Hey, bitch, I have audio of you saying super racist stuff, and I'm going to use it against you.

Really?

Yeah, I do.

Who called?

Well, we called you.

You fucking ass.

We called you for help, and you made the most disgusting, racist comments ever.

When do you want to fight me?

Well, do you, I mean...

When do you quit beating around the bush and let's just get down, bro?

Okay, all right, fine.

Where do you want to meet?

I keep asking where you want to meet, pussy.

Give me your real phone number.

Your vagina, you keep...

You're a dickhead, so I can call you.

You keep making up excuses.

Where do you want to meet?

You can't answer the question.

Answer the question.

I got the cop.

Already got you pegged, bro.

And soon you'll be going to jail

And I'll be spitting in the glass in your face

When I come see you there

So take care you freaking ass

I'll punch right through that glass

Grab your throat and pull it in through

Oh boy

Milkman

That's Jack Foster

Oh man

Oh my

A little bit ticked off

My goodness

Ken hates motherfuckers calling bro

How do you piss these people off so bad

It was Reckless that started this one.

This is Reckless where we're still fighting for him.

Hello?

Yeah, hey, brother.

Come on.

Let's not be like that.

We can work something out here so I don't have to destroy you, you know, in local media.

Keep talking, brother.

All right.

Would you like to hear some of this horrible, racist, violent conversation?

No, I've already heard it.

But you know what?

What?

I got your tag now.

Oh, yeah?

Because I got your voice recorded on my other phone.

Thank you much.

You're going to jail, bud.

Do it for what?

For what?

He's got me pegged now.

He's already heard it.

Okay, God.

It's fucking bad.

Trash picked up.

What are your problems?

You asked me where the Los Altos Park is.

No, I said, do you know where it is?

Because that's where I am.

I need the junk picked up from here.

Let me see if I...

Here?

Yes, sir.

Is it a matter of fact?

He was all, you're wetback this, you're wetback fucking Mexican cousin this and that.

He said, like, holy shit.

We really need it.

We need to hit up his Facebook and his Yelp.

But, you know, that's the law.

Make America Great Again, whatever the hell they're saying.

What is it they always say?

Yeah, yeah.

Trump making America Great Again.

Yeah, that's his thing.

Yeah.

Jesus Laredo.

Real quick here, another topic.

Not to talk long about this, but, you know, I used to love when I did a regular show.

I'd give my Netflix or my binge-watching recommendation of the week.

Well, just real quick, I wanted to point out, Dwight turned me on to that show Westworld.

and Cobra did also

Cobra, co-host of

Brent Westwood, friend of Brent Westwood

they were both like, you gotta watch Westworld

you gotta watch Westworld, loved it

Westworld, you mean the one with

the bald guy in it?

Anthony Hopkins is in it

is that something new?

Anthony Hopkins is in that fucking Westworld

and it's

it's an HBO one

I think one of the

the original one had Yul Brynner in it

uh was that a show or a movie west world is that a show or a movie it was a movie okay in the 70s

dude these guys were robots man and they were like like walking around and being almost human

like and then somehow or another they start like getting the mind of their own that's this that's

this yeah that's all they agree they've taken off the original show the original movie i see

i didn't world and future world i didn't know this was a remake i didn't know there was an

original westworld oh yeah the original one you gotta see the original one man you got yule

brenner walk around that cowboy hat with that bald head and he's going around shooting everybody

he's got these like real shiny eyes and shit it's really trippy looking man especially in the 70s

the backhand that was spooky was it a movie or tv show back then yeah a movie i look it up yule

brenner 1970 maybe oh yeah 78 yeah a new a new television series from hbo is based on the

original film which debuted this october world and then future world yeah future world too west

world was in uh yeah it was followed by future world in 76 and then there was a short-lived

television series i just said 75 78 there you go beyond west world was a short-lived tv series in

1980 okay i knew it was a third something it's a very um it's a the same concept really cool just

you know i guess with updated graphics i would actually probably like like it if it wasn't too

too, you know, graphically, you know, bullshit.

No, it's actually very well done.

The graphics, the CGI and all that, whatever, special effects are done really well, very tasteful.

Well, they're using the same premises of the way it was in the original movie, Ben.

They were very, the automatons were really very realistic.

It was almost hard, impossible to tell.

Well, yeah, they're nearly impossible to tell in this movie, in this show.

Okay, okay, so they're using the same premises, then.

Yeah, it's the same premise.

So that was pretty true to the original storyline.

line yeah like anthony hopkins is almost like a walt disney character and he's he designed the

west world like a theme park but everything is like okay well i was just gonna say there's one

guy in the original movie full guy with a beard and he's like one of the mechanic dudes he's in

the background but he knows everything about all the original models and everything right

he's kind of like real important in the original movie so then this is counterpart that the often

exactly exactly i see yule brenner here play yeah so yeah that's cool you really would like

like this dude hbo uh i mean i don't know you got hbo i don't you don't but you can i don't but that

one i would like that because that was one of my dudes like you know you know in the old days you

had to wait for this shit to show on network television okay there wasn't no reruns and stuff

you could even wait on network tv one night on like get the rights movie yeah they would put it

on an old movie yeah the network or the station itself will get the rights to the movie and play

because you could even rent there was no vcrs yet at that point you know dude you had to just

Just wait and wait.

Those old movies originally, like 38,

that was one of the freakiest, craziest things you've ever seen back then.

There was nothing to compare it to.

It wasn't even Star Wars yet.

That was George Lucas, right?

That came out a long time ago, though, didn't it?

That was in 70...

It was pretty damn early.

It was before Star Wars, which is in 77,

so I imagine it was way back there, yeah.

It was before Star Wars, for sure.

Yeah, yeah, must have been.

That was George...

It's actually good.

I got the release of it on DVD

because I remember when it was the movie on TV.

So what was the first...

What came first, American Graffiti or THX 1138?

God, now that's kind of...

I never liked American Graffiti,

so I'm not good on the timeline,

but it was approximately during that time around

right about the time when Happy Days was really big

and that whole kind of like right after Archie Bunker...

All in the family.

Like, it's been really big on shows for a long time.

All in the family.

Right during that, like, family episode time.

It was just starting to break away from that, you know,

and get away from family shows like that.

Yeah, yeah.

That's when that was going on.

Right, right, right.

Now, Chihuahua was first.

Actually, 1138 might have been first.

They were very close in time.

Let me see.

In 1969, Lucas co-founded the studio American Zoetalope

with Francis Ford Coppola.

They met during an internship at Warner Brothers,

others, hoping to create a liberating environment, blah, blah, blah.

His first full feature-length film was THX 1138, not a success.

Lucis then created his own company called Lucasfilm, we've all heard of that,

and directed the successful movie American Graffiti in 73.

So it looks like THX 1138 was 69, followed by American Graffiti in 73,

and then Star Wars was in 77.

Yeah, 77.

Yeah, because what's his face?

Anyways, Han Solo, he was in American Graffiti, wasn't he?

That's where he first.

I forget, man, about Harrison Ford, man.

Harrison Ford.

I don't remember.

I'm pretty sure he was in American Graffiti.

I was a big American Graffiti fan.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fuck it.

Back then.

I mean, now I'm all different.

Back then, I was just a little kid.

That was just kind of like too much.

You know, with Happy Days and all that, I was just one too many.

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

All right.

We've got to really, Milkman, we've got to start wrapping it up here.

Okay, let's move back to our calls there.

Nunu just had a heart attack.

I know.

We've gotten him resuscitated and brought back online.

We just wanted to find out if the crash unit there was working.

Nunu's been revived, so everybody calm down.

Nunu, I'm going to knock some of your calls out.

We're going to go from here.

Let me get an update of the baseball game.

We've got a wake-up call to do, I'm sure.

Bottom of the eighth, Cubs are up 3-2 still.

Bottom of the eighth right now, there are two outs, one strike, one ball currently.

Apparently, Batter would be, it looks like, Cody Allen.

And there's a runner on second.

This is the part I like about our show.

Yeah.

It's like, okay, we still do the calls, but we're not completely dependent on doing calls.

We have other things we can still enjoy and still have fun.

And people out there still, not only all of them are like me, are still enjoying the show.

Yeah, well, except on...

We slow down on calls.

Yeah, but people get pissed off on YouTube.

Yeah, but that's all right, dude, because they're a small minority.

The rest of the people that really follow the show do know it.

Not only cults.

It's a lot of other shit, too.

Our stupid opinions always seem to prop up at any point in time.

There's a bitch on fucking YouTube now saying that I've been on dialysis for a year.

You fucking cunt.

You're getting banned.

Hello?

We're calling for Thai food.

I don't know if they're going to be open now, but whatever.

You know who sent this to us?

Spring rolls.

I love the spring rolls.

Thai.

Good.

Peanuts.

Yeah, I made sure talking noodles today.

I made my own peanut sauce.

Thai-style peanut sauce.

Oh, it came out real good.

You need to send me the link to that noodle.

I've never even heard of that.

Miracle Noodle.

Look up the Miracle Noodle brand.

They're pretty good.

About three, about a little bit more, $3 and change per bag.

Pretty good stuff.

There's a trick to make them right, and I'll tell you what it is.

Not on the air because we're out of time, and people, we've had enough.

I thought you would text it to me.

Yeah, yeah.

You tell me about those needles later, man.

The best place to get them is at the Asian market,

and I know you love those Asian markets.

Yeah, I guess I are.

It's one of those places I shop at.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not in the bargain places.

If the Indians can get out of here keeping the Cubs scoreless,

they're going to get one more shot at the top of the ninth

to put the Cubs out, or we're going to be going to our game sets.

How about let's call Chicago and call restaurants

and tell them they're going to lose like monkeys to the Cleveland Browns.

Yeah, well, we've been doing that.

The only thing is we need to get to some of these new, new numbers

because he feels really bad.

He gets upset, you know.

I didn't know if we went through it.

I was just thinking of an idea of how we could use the Indian calls

and tie that into the World Series.

Yeah, no, I'm watching the machine here, and I'll let you know.

I think I let these numbers go stale.

You know, I'm doing my current events, trying to tie the election in and all that stuff.

That's what my jokes have been about tonight.

Sorry that didn't work.

I appreciate it, really.

Yeah, thanks for sending them in.

Sorry it took me so long.

I had so many numbers, Nuno, but you really tried.

It's okay because he sent them.

We haven't done this for a while.

So you got to just kind of give us a little artistic license to relax and get back into it.

There's a lot of bullshit going on in the background.

Yeah, well, these are Thai restaurants he sent.

So, I mean, they're closed by now.

He did send private numbers that I'm going to do right now.

These are for Muslims, it looks like, in England.

These are for British Muslims.

Muslims. I'm going to use my new numbers. I appreciate that. This is last name Khan. K-H-A-N.

I don't know what race this is. Hello? Yeah. Hi, Ms. Khan. Hello? Mr. Khan. Are you Sharmuta?

Are you Sharmuta? Are you the Sharmuta? Hello? Hold. Hold. Okay. Hey, hi, Khan. Sharmuta? Hello?

Oh, puta.

Puta Sharmuta.

Let's do a 011 here.

Let's call this.

Let's rapid fire some of these for Milkman, all right?

Not found that number it said.

There's an accent.

It didn't give it an accent.

We're not available now.

Please leave your name and phone number after the beep.

Moving on with our rapid fire maneuver here.

If I go to sleep at midnight, I'm okay.

And I'm okay.

There you go.

We can cut that out later if you want to sample that out there.

That was funny.

Yeah.

Use that one of our promos.

What?

What? What happened?

I didn't go to sleep a minute?

It's right there.

Oh.

On the answer, she did that English answering service bullshit.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You like that one, Milkman?

I don't know what was so good about it.

It's kind of sexy.

Welcome to Sky Voicemail 1571.

Okay, here is 7056, A-Con, A-Con in England.

Also, Birmingham.

We got some Islams also.

I think it's a bit late for this, Nunu.

I waited too long.

This should have been an hour.

Do a quick readout of that one.

Yeah, hi, Mr. Khan.

Oh, this is Cross.

I'm looking for a big Sharmuta.

Do you have that there?

I'm looking for a big Sharmuta.

What do you mean?

My number?

What?

3337.

Sharmuta.

Do you have underwear on?

are you wearing your underwear no but tell me what kind of underwear you have on okay there

you go now we're getting the trick is milkman you got to call twice let's call him a third time see

if you can talk a little bit more milkman i'm feeling this feeling this boy hey sexy tell me

about them underwears no all right what happened you saw somebody about underwear when i was on

the hold oh yeah i was asking about his underwear i'm sorry milkman oh don't leave me on hold i

I missed that, and that was a good one.

It was a call.

It's been a while, Milkman, in that heavy practice.

I forget to drag it over.

Welcome to voicemail.

The person you are...

We're back at the top of the ninth now.

Indians having a chance here to make something happen.

They're only down by one, three to two.

One out, one strike so far.

The world is Chapman on today, on bat right now.

Welcome, UK number.

Three balls now.

Three balls.

We're going to...

Yep, yep, we're burning through them UKs.

I give them two rings and I pass on.

I would say we should save them for next time,

but I figure we'll probably hand them out before the next time.

Let me do one or two more times here and then...

Try and do whatever we can to get out of his numbers every time.

Get out of his numbers?

No, no, no.

Get every call we can out of them.

Okay, I gotcha, I gotcha.

Then if we're done, then we're done, you know.

Well, I got a few left here.

We're good.

I can wipe these out.

I'll try and go through them.

Actually, for a change, I've got some pretty good numbers.

Yeah.

Two outs now for the Indians, and they've got the runner on with four balls, one strike.

So it's not looking good.

The Indians, they've got to make something happen.

They've got to do it now with one out to give.

All right, that one just went into the non-nil end.

That ain't going to work.

I'm starting to get tired.

All right, C-Islam, Kislam.

long and uh and do we do we bother calling chicago at this point i mean they've won the game welcome

to voicemail the person you have called is unavailable till the blue skies drive the dark

clouds far away someone at some point picked up and hung in there for a while but someone had

picked up and hung in there for a while i didn't notice it until just now and that's a strikeout

Three strikes, three outs.

Indians have lost the game.

Indians lost the game.

Indians off the game.

Hello?

Is it over now?

Hello, Khan?

Islam.

Shit.

He was starting to...

They've still got one more game, right?

Well, they're still up on the series.

They're up three to two now, right?

Hello?

Islam?

Hello?

Hi, this is Miss Islam.

Oh, my name is Cross.

I'm looking for a Sharmuta.

Could you help me, please?

Sharmuta?

Hello?

Oh, man.

I'll try one more time.

Maybe husband pick up now angry.

oh yeah hi i'm looking for a sharmuta sharmuta you know you know what that is

oh well what kind of underwear does the woman have on right now no no huh what's that baby

i want to kiss the woman that's there i want to kiss her in her body well as long as i can kiss

her and then kiss you it's okay yeah you bastard you don't talk to bob about my mother like that

That fucking shit.

Ah.

You stupid bastard.

Okay.

Moving along.

Moving on from that.

Let's see if there are any more.

I think we kind of...

I think actually exhausted...

Noonu's numbers are done.

Yeah, we did have some spots that we didn't get to off of the Parkman numbers.

So we can do those real quick there.

There's a drive-in that's open 24 hours.

We can try that real quick.

You want to have some fun with that, Mr. Milkman?

The drive-in?

Heck yeah.

Vroom, vroom, vroom.

And I think that's going to be it, dude, because I'm tired.

I have to go to work.

My wife already called my cell phone once, gave me the signal, like,

you're going to be sleeping on the couch if you don't get in bed soon, et cetera, et cetera.

She said you're not going to need to have Viagra at all.

Yeah.

Either that or someone was calling myself spoofing her number.

It happens.

So I can't say it wasn't someone doing that.

Hello?

Susie's.

Hi.

How you doing?

Hi, honey.

How are you, baby?

I wanted to make an order.

Oh, come on.

That's not like that.

That's not going to be like that.

Yeah. Let's use your caller ID and not talk like that in the beginning, right?

Yeah, yeah. Talk more like an old guy.

I just get so horny sometimes.

So fucking sexually repressed.

I just want to talk sexual dirty to women.

A lot.

Hey, you select to make an order?

Yes.

Name and number.

Cross.

I'm sorry.

Cross. C-R-O-S-S.

Number?

It's 3-4-0-2-0-1-6.

Okay, I like one eggs.

Eggs?

I can't understand.

Eggs.

Uh, do you have sandwich?

I'm not playing games, please.

I'm hungry.

I'm diabetic.

My sugar's low.

Please, please, please.

Please, God, help me.

You don't want to play games.

Wow.

Sounds like Milkman over there, not playing games.

Come on.

Boy, she's pathetic for that.

That's some bullshit.

Damn it, man.

Fine.

Ah, right here.

Hearth Song Toys, Cobble 411.

Nope.

Oh, well.

Fungit Vacation 24-hour customer service line.

I'm not feeling that.

Brooks Brothers, for some reason, you've been getting hit on by a lot of gay guys ever since you started wearing their clothing.

I don't know.

I don't know, Milkman.

I think we're done, man, to be honest with you.

Is that okay?

We're done?

We're done.

All right, baby.

All right.

It's all right.

It's the same.

I mean, I'd like to do some more, but you ain't ready.

I can't.

I got to go to bed, man.

Man, I've got to get to work.

I've got to work.

You've been pretty good, man, going along, and I've been expecting it anyway.

Yeah, man, later than I thought you'd, too, and almost an hour later.

Hey, real quick, I had another TV show to mention, and it's called The Circus.

It's on Showtime, and it's what they've called a real-time documentary.

So they follow all these elections that are going on right now.

Well, all these elections, the presidential election that's going on right now.

um they they have backstage access to all the campaigns and they have a person planted with

all the campaigns and all the events and stuff they got people on the ground you get the actual

view that a member of the press pool or on the campaign staff has you don't get this what the

general media shows the mainstream media shows you it's actually down in the trenches with them

um the show is great and like tonight's episode which would have come out tonight sunday

was filmed all the way up until yesterday afternoon so i you know literally i guess

it's sunday morning they get all their footage together and they shoot on an episode and play

it right right uh tonight so it's current you know what i mean like it's that the week that

it happens they put it all together very well made it has some really cool uh people behind it

so it's called the circus and i think the long it's the circus aka the what is it the greatest

show on earth so this let me look it up real quick just so people know what i'm talking about

it's a showtime show it's this i'm noticing that they modeled themselves and their show after a

great series show it's called the madhouse oh maybe but we don't have the access like that

but it's called the circus all the planning that goes into their shows are just like the madhouse

and they copied the same style to Madhouse.

Yeah, really?

The Circus, Inside the Greatest Political Show on Earth

is the name of the show.

And it follows the 2016 American presidential election campaign.

And I didn't even know about this until like two weeks ago.

And they've been going since the primary started.

Yeah.

So if you're into the whole political thing,

I highly recommend this.

It's a way not to see the same bullshit that CNN and Fox

and abc news and every every other droning on same shit over and over again this is like you

technically you could just pay no attention to the news cycle all week for the election

just watched an episode of this and you and you'd probably be all right but you'd be caught up

pretty well i would say way better way of doing it it is have a little bit of a liberal slant but

But it is what it is.

Milkman, again, brother, love you, man.

Happy birthday to you.

Oh, man, thank you.

I'm glad we got to do this, you know.

Yeah, man, that was great.

I've only missed one birthday show, and that's because I was in the hospital that Halloween,

and I couldn't do that for you.

Yeah, I know.

It's all right, man.

Take us out of here real quick.

This is now, man.

Like I said, we changed.

Yeah.

Take us out of here, fucker.

All right, baby, man.

I love you.

Thank you so much.

The Armando, you remember my birthday, dude.

God bless you, man.

See how cool God is to you.

Armando is everybody, man.

You come out here and give us all this time here and having a bunch of fun with us like that.

Dude, we do this every week for you, man.

The most interactive show you can find right here on the internet.

We drop the dive.

We just ask you to give us the time.

Bring a friend or bring an enemy because they're welcome right here in the madhouse.

That's right, man.

Bring them all, man.

We do this every week.

We love you.

It was an active show right on you.

And we couldn't do it without our fearless calls, call finders out there.

We had Parkman.

Thank you so much.

My good friend, dear friend of the show.

Yeah, Parkman.

Nunu, amazingly.

You have very good numbers.

Thank you, Nunu.

Anybody else that I didn't get the name of, it's in the numbers.

Thank you so much, Dashby.

I think you did.

God bless you guys, man.

I love all you guys, all my good friends out there.

Everybody hates me, too.

It's all right.

I love you, too.

It's all good, man.

Couldn't do it without our fearless leader, the air mono.

Everybody, please.

All hands held high, man, for our fearless leader, Joe Lee Schmoe.

I'm mad.

Oh, the money's up.

God bless you.

Thank you, big man.

Over to you, baby.

I'm holding my hands high.

So next planned show is Thanksgiving.

Can't believe I'm saying that already.

Damn, this year went by fast.

Wow, dude.

It's so close.

us perhaps a veterans day show depends on what my schedule works out like we'll see

yeah yeah definitely can't do an election day show but hey i'm flexible yeah yeah well i thank

enigma for holding things down in the chat room and helping me out on the website as always

everyone really thanks a lot you know i hope you enjoyed a rascal studio buddy man you deserve it

man everyone be sure to pay attention to janitor dwight.com and dwight shows here on the same

network the same network the same station you're listening to the mixer station he does a show

be sure to check out his youtube channel as well he's got all those links out there just look

around and make sure you're fine he's doing a good job out there like i was trying to say

before i'm real proud of him um excellent man keep up the good work kenneth yeah there's party

Party time with Matt, Laugh Track Matt, and Hillock, and Zax.

That's unusual on a weekly basis.

If you're on the Facebook...

Oh, that's all, man.

Every once in a while, I get to tune in and listen to that, too.

Me and Matt and Jack.

Good job, guys.

I appreciate it, man.

You guys are still hanging in there.

If you're following the PC and Facebook or Twitter, you'll get those notifications when they go online.

And, of course, don't forget Brad Carter.

He's doing his shows as well.

The Phone Losers.

Phone Losers.

Bad Brad, man.

yeah support only miss man but not unloved man we sure love him man he's a good guy support uh

patreon for all those guys support uh matt and zack's patreon that's a party time patreon.com

slash party time and then brad has his at the top of my head i don't know what his patreon is but

you get secret special access to shows and notifications when you help out the phone

Lone Losers, a.k.a. Snowplow Show, a.k.a. RBPP1.

So check that out.

Other than that, those are all the plugs that I give crap about.

One more for JenStewart.com, way over there.

Training for the next Olympics, man.

God bless you.

We miss you, and thank you for all your contributions.

Yeah, God damn it.

All right, I'm out of here.

I'm falling asleep.

I got to go.

See you later.

Happy birthday, Mel.

I love you, bro.

You take care.

Yeah, happy birthday.

Peace out, everybody.

I love you all.

Be careful of our Halloween.

You guys do your Halloween parties.

Just be careful of yourselves.

Don't drive drunk.

If you didn't do your early Halloweening with the kids over the weekend, you're going to do so tomorrow.

Make sure they've got to be at school tomorrow, A, B.

You know, nice, safe, bright colors, traveling groups.

And don't be that guy that drives around to the nice neighborhoods just to get the good candy, all right?

That's right.

Take care of yourselves, everybody, man.

No one else will, man.

Life's too short, so you've got to take care of yourself.

Well, we will, but we're far away.

I mean, we'll help you out any way we can, but unless you live where we live, we can't take care of you.

Oh, Clay.

And also, thanks to Clay.

Clay holding it down in the chat room also.

Oh, yeah, Clay, man.

No one loves Clay.

All right.

And that's D3 Clay, and his show is back on the air.

So everybody get over to Comet TV and join Clay.

He's going to be watching the show.

Oh, and confirm the after show coming up from Dwight McClanahan.

All right.

I'm going to listen to that until I fall asleep.

All right.

Thank you, Dwight McClanahan, motherfucking hand.

See you, guys.

Thank you for calling.

Press 5 to continue.

This

call may be recorded.

Thank you for calling Montreal Drugstore.

We currently have a generic Viagra special of 50 100-milligram pills for $99 plus free shipping.

Or, first-time callers can take advantage of our new customer special of 100 pills for $160.

Our products are 100% guaranteed.

Please hold to speak with an order special.

I almost forgot Ken sent that number.

I'll do that real quick.

Generic Viagra for you, Milkman.

man. This is what you wanted.

Did you find another number we got? Cool.

I'm on Charles Drake's store. My name's Emin.

What would you like to order, please?

Hey, honey. Hi. It's my friend's

birthday tomorrow, and

I wanted to get him the generic

Viagra, because his penis doesn't get

hard, like, easily.

You know, he gets erections.

He doesn't get erections like that. He's an older

guy, and he still likes to pork

girls and pork his wife and stuff

like that, and other women also.

Sir, are you going to police in order

order today yeah yeah um do you do customization orders like um like i like them personalized just

to have like a like a message on the pills themselves you know how like they've got those

um i'm really sorry sir we don't do that shut up you know we do you know valentine's day those

candies that you can put like little messes like i love you or be mine you know because um can you

you just make it say happy birthday milkman this is for your little pp for your pp no sir we don't

do that we have 50 pills of generic viagra cialis or levita people what would you like to order

please do you have papa people none sir damn you um how much they go for viagra the viagra one

uh we have 50 pills of generic viagra for only 99 do i have to have a script like the order now do

Do I have to have a script?

No need for a prescription, sir.

So how does this work?

I don't need a prescription.

You guys just send the Viagra to me to the United States.

That's what I'm like.

Right?

Yes, sir, because we offer generic bills only.

Okay.

So you will ship any...

All right.

Would you like to place an order now?

I got questions.

Coño, espérate.

Coño, ¿qué te pasa?

All right?

I'm asking questions about it.

You sent to any United States address.

This is legal.

and what's the source of the

what's the sourcing of the pills?

Where are they sourced out of? Canada? Where?

India. The pills will be coming from India, sir.

Oh, no. That's disgusting, people.

You know 45% of the Indian

population defecates outside?

I don't have that exact information, sir.

They do. Look it up.

That's disgusting. They're disgusting people.

I don't trust those motherfuckers, though.

I heard really scary, bad stuff

about the Indian Viagra. Would there be anything else?

Generic Indian Viagra bullshit,

motherfucker, you. What if that does

something bad to my penis then huh would there be anything else sir well yeah how much is 30 viagra

okay we have 50 pills of generic viagra for only 99 dollars 50 can you do the math on how much it

comes out of each one no sir you don't have a calculator you can't do simple division no sir

we have 50 pills for 99 do the math just come on do it on your head you stupid no sir i'm so sorry

Would you like to order now?

You don't know divide 99 by 50?

You don't know how to do that?

No, sir.

Well, I don't want to deal business with a fucking monkey like you

who can't even divide 50 by 99 or however it's supposed to go.

Stupid dick motherfucker, you asshole.

I'll make you take five of those fucking India pills.

I'll make you take them through the urethra.

How about that?

Are you going to police in order, sir?

Yeah.

Okay, may I have your credit card number?

No, I don't trust you.

I pay cash.

I'm really sorry.

Sorry, our system only accepts cards.

Well, I can give you some references so you can cash the cash.

No, sir, I'm so sorry.

We only accept four major credit cards.

I have good cash.

It's American cash.

American money is good money.

I've got some hair, too.

Some hair.

Come on.

No, sir.

I'll touch your body.

I'll smell you.

I'll kiss you on your body.

I'll massage your muscles.

I'll suck your pee.

Okay, I'm really sorry, sir.

I'll suck your pee-pee.

I really have to disconnect the call again.

Thank you so much for calling

Marshall's Drugstore. Bye now.

Bye.

Ken, you happy now? You happy?

Huh? You happy, Milkman?

You think Ken's happy now?

Who found the number?

He had sent it, and I totally forgot.

Remember, Ken had sent the number?

Who sent it?

Ken. Big fat Ken.

Thank you, buddy.

That's the number that you were talking about

that they advertised.

Okay, so that's what I thought.

What's the source? Indian? Is that what it is?

Indian, yeah.

And I've heard nightmares about that Indian-sourced generic Viagra.

Be careful with that milkman.

Don't you be getting that now.

Oh, it's generic.

Okay, I didn't know that.

Don't you be getting that shit.

No, no.

I've never followed up on it, dude, because I haven't needed it.

Yeah, you've got to be careful.

Okay.

All right, bye.

Well, when I call, now I know, dude.

So you're going to get generic shit, and it's coming from India.

yeah no no be careful with that because there's been a lot of horror stories of people getting

us stuff and it's not even viagra at all you know i was gonna say yeah how do you know it's

viagra then yeah yeah it's been happening a lot sir it's been happening a lot okay okay i go bye

all right dude we're not gonna split any of them up man

thank you man thank you again everybody i love you guys madhouse forever pcn

When the cat

Long live PCN

There you go

PCN's still alive

Because everybody's

Still talking about it

Political boy

For now

Yeah

Don't forget your history

When you're forgotten

When you're no longer

Talking about

Then you make me

Not laugh

That's right

I'm just a

Fucking cunt

I'll take a big

Big granddaddy

Perp

Till then

Here's to you

I'm on a

Waiting for you

Daddy

Okay

Happy

Happy people

We'll be right back.

Calls (41, 1 h 56 min of 3 h 37 min)

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