Madhouse Radio

I'm not playing no fucking games, dude.

I, I fuck you, son of a bitch.

Stop making a stupid call.

You're out of your crazy mind.

You ain't getting no goddamn dollars.

I'll fuck you all night long.

You're not perfect.

Why don't you piss off?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

Hey there, prank call fans.

Have you ever wanted to watch Carlito accuse a competing gas station of slant drilling?

Or have you ever wanted to see Carlito do job interviews that leave people wondering if they just talked to an insane person?

If so, then you should watch the new hit prank call video series, Calls of Mass Confusion.

That's right. It's all the prank calls you could ever want, but with the whole thing being recorded on video.

Watch as Carlito and the gang get people to do shopping sprees, get people to sell them their piss,

and accuse jewelry shops of selling blood diamonds.

if you're not already watching you should catch up because in just a few short weeks you get to

watch geod and his camera crew go to jail so go to youtube look up calls of mass confusion on the

jesus in a dump truck channel and subscribe today that is calls of mass confusion on the jesus in a

dump truck channel watch laugh like and share today carlito commands it ladies and gentlemen

gentlemen this is the maybed of the evening

yeah hey how you doing oh yeah hey this is carlito okay how you doing all right and you

have the wine and everything yes we sell wine good good and um so that you get you exchange

there uh some kind of payment hello yeah you exchange some kind of payment there is that how

How it works?

What do you mean by exchange payment?

Well, you know, I give a payment, and then I exchange for durable goods.

It's like any store.

You make a purchase, and then you pay for it.

It could be we do take credit cards, and we do take cash.

Are you FIFO or LIFO?

Hold on, please.

Okay.

Thanks for calling, Ginger.

May I help you?

Yeah, hi.

I was calling earlier.

I was talking to the old lady.

Okay.

And I think she went to go get the fat girl, she said, to answer my questions about the business.

You went to go get who?

The fat girl, she said.

Okay, what's your question?

Did you put us on hold?

I got put on hold, so I called on another line.

It was a long time.

Okay, then let me hang up on that line so that we can...

Oh, you want to go back there?

How about we go back there, okay?

Hello?

Hey.

I'm going back and forth between the lines and it's the same.

It's in real time.

Hello?

Yeah, I was...

How can I help you?

I went back to the other line, like you said.

Ginger? Is this Ginger?

Okay, what can I help you with?

All right, yeah, well, are you the fat girl that was supposed to help me out?

No, I'm not the fat girl. What can I help you with?

Oh, yeah, I was wondering about the, um, if you guys were FIFO or LIFO?

What is FIFO? First in, first out?

Yeah, and then last in, first out.

Yeah, we are FIFO.

You're first in, first out. Are you sure?

Uh-huh.

So you rotate the stock how often?

Um, we rotate it daily.

Daily?

As we stock.

I don't mean just fronting it, just two, do you go two forward, two bottles forward, or how do you do it?

Usually just all forward and then to the back.

Can I ask who's calling?

Oh, yeah, this is Cross.

I was going to come in, but I needed to make sure this is the right kind of place, you know?

This is who?

Cross.

My name is Cross.

I'm at the casino.

And you work with?

I'm in a casino.

Okay.

I'm staying at the casino machine.

Okay.

Yeah.

And so what did you need help with?

Yeah, because I just needed to make sure of some things.

So, you're FIFO, and you say you guys don't block there, the bottles, you don't go too

forward, you go all of them forward?

Yeah.

And what do you mean to the back?

What are you looking for?

Because when you come in, we can have somebody help you.

Well, there's a few things, but I mean, I already called once, and the old girl said

that I had to talk to, she's going, oh, we have the fat girl.

I mean, I'm sorry, but to call people old and fat, that's kind of disrespectful.

Well, she said that, I didn't say that.

She said, oh, I'm the old girl.

Like, oh, I started laughing, we're laughing.

She said, I'm going to go get the fat girl, okay?

I'm like, okay, thanks.

Okay, hold on one moment.

Okay.

Hi, this is John.

Hey, big guy, how you doing?

Good, what can I help you with?

Yeah, I was talking to the fat girl about the, if you guys are fine.

I don't think we need to talk.

We're going to continue this conversation.

Okay, the first lady said that to me.

Cool.

Hi, I'm Carlito.

This is Madhouse Radio Machine.

It is Black Monday.

monday yeah we tried to call matt hillock i think he wasn't around ringing matt fucking hillock and

he's not answering matt hey buddy what's up how you doing all right how you doing man no i'm good

hep hep i'm doing prank calls i just did a prank oh you're doing the show hep hep hep oh damn it

you know what i i guess what i brought out what i brought it out i don't know where mine is i want

to do some train whistle calls so let's i only i've only done one call so far let's call him

back you just blow the whistle yeah i gotta take the train over there to your uh place what stop

are you guys at light up your caboose hello the caboose can i talk to a big ginger please

all right whatever hello oh we're on speakerphone fucking shit

shit cunt cock what are you people doing working on mlk day gotta have your liquor on mlk day huh

that's all those people drink you know yeah whatever dude put them on hold hey

tiny chats not letting me sign in what the fuck oh come on get in that tiny chat man all right

look let's call another business i got this still connected here are you or what are you do you go

in what prank all nation one uh i had it up but i didn't stay in there you want i'll go in there

you want to do that one or sure but you have you have yours all hooked up right uh i can't i'm

I'm having trouble logging in right now.

Oh, gee, we're at Prime Call Nation.

Yeah.

This is Dixie.

How may I help you?

Hi, Big Dixie.

How are you?

Good.

How are you?

Good.

Are you the fat girl?

Of course.

This is Big Dixie.

Oh, okay, cool.

Hey, we're supposed to see if you guys have a certain size in men's sport coats.

Do you have sport coats any in there at all?

We do have sports clothes in here.

All right.

Do you have one for him?

Not sports clothes.

Sports coats.

Sports coat.

Look, I'm going to use a blazer.

You know Ralph Lauren?

like classy with the k do you have any ralph lauren or call can i or something like that

i am not sure oh man you guys get good stuff here too right this is a good area yes this is a good

air like who donates like a lot of white people and stuff or it's a lot i have no idea well if

you had to guess probably a lot of white people good good no because then where's the carl can i

oh hey um so i'm a choo-choo train okay i'm a choo-choo train i'm coming over there all right

what stop are you um we're on neil and virginia all right here we go everybody neil and virginia

everybody on get aboard the train see you have a wonderful day bye honey you want to stay on

you want to hang out with us on the phone for a little bit we need friends oh man really okay

thank you are you pretty are you pretty maybe maybe oh that is a yes can you try can you try

touching your elbows behind your back for me no i'm working oh i gotta go all right but i haven't

I bet you got a big, nice bust on you.

God bless.

Okay, let's see.

Manny Cam.

Okay.

Please choose from the following options.

For our fax number, directions...

Dude, you know that one monkey video I'm making, Carlito?

The big fat Carlito... whatever.

It's only an acquisition phase, and then it has to go through a rendering phase after

for that. Damn, a lot for days.

I know, dude.

I think maybe it

made it actually slower

because I did three, like, three-hour

ones at once. Yeah? Yeah.

Because yesterday I just did some

ten-minute ones, and it took them forever.

Hi, FedEx.

Hi, FedEx. FedEx.

FedEx. Hello? Hello.

Hi, hey, is this ****? Yes.

Okay, cool. That's cool. Hey, I'm here.

I'm here. Okay. I'm here right

now. I was just, uh, come down. I'm here.

I'm here. I'm on the phone talking to you. I'm here.

Okay.

Did you have that?

Yes.

Yeah, do you have that? Okay. How many come in there?

Who are you asking?

The paper. The papers that you make.

You need a ream of paper?

Well, you know how you guys make the paper go there? Make it go?

The printers?

Well, yeah, the machine that goes. The paper machine.

So are you trying to get something printed?

Well, yeah. I need to have something put in the paper machine and then come out of the back of it to make paper.

paper like paper like making paper um babies okay okay all right and how how do they go

is this no how do they go though like how do how how it goes like how do i what do i do to make it

go that's so nice i like the yeah i'm here

oh sharing a group hey you didn't share this in prank all nation yet did you

uh the group no just on the i'm doing it right now oh no i accidentally put it to president

trump's dank meme stash we don't want that or maybe we do shut up back there

shut up right now i'm sorry mama hell luck i'm sorry she used to get that peppermint oil

i wonder if thank you for calling this is danny how may i help you yeah what stop are you on

what stop are we on yeah all aboard mad hillock shooting flares off oh oh man dude did you see

those pictures yeah man i got i got on this like giant freight train that had no box cars it was

all the low cars i didn't understand looking at it's like why is it like but it was i saw the

flare and i was like that's definitely gta5 but yeah like it was like so it was just the engine

and then like all the low cars and so i was just kicking it out of that thing for quite a while

and then like i went in uh uh like one of the fake 7-elevens and just started shooting everything

on the shelves and the guy was all scared and like cowering and i shut everything around them

like the whole store got ruined and then i that's why you know someone would do that because even

in that movie where the guy with the baseball bat he didn't even do that much he didn't stay there

there for an hour you know yeah well uh fallen down when michael douglick yeah so yeah you were

shooting up uh 7-eleven gta 5 uh what's the group is it there's a it's phone losers or is it rbcp

is it pla radio i think well i think the yeah i think it's rbcp radio yeah but the symbol the

the code is rbcp you like the you know the little yeah yeah yeah the handle for it so check that out

if you're on that machine gta yeah get on there sometimes we do crimes together and stuff it's

real cool yeah and i like to help yeah i mean you say i'm helping but you're like you know

the rat you're like a little squirrel and you run away and we're like all right that we kind

of need it no i'm a raccoon i'm not a no you're like oh jet ski see you guys later good luck

you're supposed to bring i get what you say to the boat yeah i get that i get easily distracted

then why like oh hey there's no cars on this road hello thank you for calling blake how can i help

you yeah um the is this just temporary work is it mostly construction i see we're you guys are by the

so i see what yeah we're by the yeah do you get a lot of those kind of people those people

yeah i mean anything like that mostly carhartt stuff here jackets we got like steel toe boots

and stuff like that oh you got the boots for me there yeah yeah because i i need breathers and

Yeah, I need rebreathers, and I need the good shit, you know?

I'm not sure quite what you're talking about when you say breathers.

Well, if I'm going to work on some...

It's not supposed to work.

Yeah, because that shit makes you itch, you know, when you work on it.

Yeah.

What kind of outfit?

I mean, I don't know if we have what you're talking about when you say breather.

Yeah, well, you have breathers there, like, if you're going to work with fiberglass and shit,

you're going to be painting shit, you know, motherfucker?

Oh, no, like a face mask or something like that?

No, we don't have anything like that.

What the fuck?

All right, so that's...

First of all, you've got to throw that in.

i mean we gotta negotiate that so that's going in um uh what about uh parking is that included

let's say that again what about parking is that shit included yeah man we got free parking

free parking all right all right and like the how long can we keep our rv there

well you know how like like let's just stay there so we can set up camp right i don't think they'll

let you do that man and we've been at work for like three weeks now and like the manager came

out and said hey you boys are real nice you're cool and all i mean you've been watching but

But, you know, my boss just came down from Bentonville and said, you guys got to move.

You can't be on here.

Those fuckers in Bentonville, I tell you.

But he was pretty cool because he gave us like a loaf of French bread and one of those rotisserie chickens.

So he was like, hey, guys, I'm sorry.

That was good.

That was mighty white of him.

Yeah, and he let us use his discount on the gas at the gas station.

It was nice.

He was a real nice guy.

Hey, that's pretty cool.

Yeah, but so, yeah, I mean, we'll do some work here and there.

but what we're more looking for is we need a place to leave the rv you know and you drain the

shit out of the toilet tank um i don't think they have a setup like that here in this parking lot

man oh as long as there's a storm drain anywhere it's we're fine can you just fill the storm drain

up that's all we need is just yeah you've seen christmas vacation you know that shit's always

funny the merry christmas like every day when i'm out emptying it like this one's standing in the

the rv doorway saying hey is this shit or full and i do it like it's it's a riot the whole thing

yeah we have we have a good time man we sit back you know we're cool we'll watch things

you know all right so what you got a lot you got any roofing we do roofing we do that we get up we

get up there together with the silly mops and we slap each other with the mops the hot mops up there

this guy the wife gets up there making off like she knows what's going on yeah i fired her out

the fucking roof too yeah this guy we were doing his his roof and we were up there you know working

we're playing around stuff and his wife got up there on the roof she got our ladder guy on the

roof was yelling at us and telling do this do that and the husband came up was like you

motherfucker like that and he fucking threw her right off the top of the roof yeah he was like

like out of here he kept saying out of here out of here she went to the pool she had they had a

pool like behind the kitchen area so that's where yeah yeah thank god yeah she didn't know that he

knew but she was yeah she didn't know until she hit water you know yeah but i'll tell you what

that shit makes you itch though all right i gotta hit the job i'll be rb all right he's good but

but make sure that he's got different size breathers for us yeah are you still there buddy

buddy buddy hey buddy you still there whatever sorry what why'd you go wait for us for so long

why i have a customer here you have customers you have people working whatever just settle down

thank you for calling for store hours and directions press one if you know the three

digit extension of the person you are trying to reach press two to speak to an associate in one

of our store departments press three if you're calling for one for lumber and building materials

Thank you for calling the Home Depot.

Your call is very important to us, but all associates are busy at this time assisting other callers.

Hop in, people.

You remain in the line and your call will be answered by the next available associate.

How may I help you?

Hop in, people.

What was that?

Yeah, hey, I was calling to check the status in the parking lot, what's going on out there, how is it?

How the parking lot is?

Yeah, there are a lot of, or any of those people out there looking for jobs, come by, pick them up.

You know those people?

Oh, give me one second.

What store is that?

You have to wait.

Thank you for calling.

We buy, sell, and trade.

You can hear the...

Hi, do you have someone...

What's that?

Do you have someone who can answer some questions about sound recording equipment?

I'm liking the name Genuine Chocolate Face.

That's funny.

How may I help you?

Yeah, hey, you got that Behringer shit?

shit uh it depends on which one you're talking about well what do you got because that shit

makes you itch what do you got i got i got the v-neck you got yeah the x there yeah how many

buttons does it have on that at least all right uh would you have this one right here this one

right here yeah i got this one yeah so i'm saying do you have this one here that i'm showing you

though yeah we've got that oh you got this one here okay what about this one how much is that

one 230 all right and this one i'm sorry and this one here which one hey look at me when i'm

talking to you asshole what about this one here oh that one yeah you're doing that with your phone

to make it sound like you're disconnecting sorry you're muting the phone off and on to make it

sound like you're disconnecting so i hang up so that was all natural no you're trying to find a

way out you're trying to find an out to the call ah yeah right it's my voice oh i'll talk and just

keep hitting the mute button look look i'm witty that sounded far more artificial than mine

Nah, because you're doing it fast and you're on a phone.

No, I'm not.

I'm on speakerphone.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, big hairy cock, pussy, vagina, cunt?

There's no one back here.

Fuck.

Damn it.

What kind of weird little room are you in?

Yeah, well, you...

Answer the question, answer room.

Why are you just like, yeah, this one here, and you're like just...

You don't even have it there.

Why are you saying you had the Behringer whatever?

What was it you said you had?

Sorry?

You said you had something in front of you?

Yeah, I got the...

And I got the Ford, but I don't have the...

You're still doing it, asshole.

Fucking asshole.

asshole dick neck what is it hang on i gotta tell my friend he's he's the one interested in

we're messing around man but he really he needs it he's a recording hey what's up man so um i got

that well let me let you know yeah what was that which one the behringer what the 350 i believe

yeah hey uh yes yeah oh hey yeah it's the behringer 350 i i threw up on the roof over

there i threw a bottle of tequila and a behringer 350 i don't have any bangers huh the harbinger

Oh, it's a harbinger, then.

A harbinger.

Like a harbinger of doom.

Yeah.

Are you there, ***hole guy?

Pronounced harbinger.

I'm still here.

Yeah, I need access to your roof.

Do you have the key for the ladder on the side?

Come on up, bud.

Yeah, it's not going to happen, buddy.

Sorry.

Oh, come on, motherfucker, you.

We got to get up.

We got a political statement to say.

Do you boys spoof or some kind of goof or a gaffe on me?

Who are you calling boy?

A goof or a gaffe?

A couple of spoofers, huh?

Yeah, that's us.

It's a wind-up call, my friend.

United Foampunkers.

We got some spoofers and goofers.

United Foampunkers.

Hashtag United Foampunkers.

Hashtag spoofers and goofers.

God damn, is that good.

I have a question for you.

Are you guys soul skaters?

Are we what?

Do you guys skate for your soul, or do you do it for the money?

We don't skate.

Skate?

Yeah, you boys soul skaters or what, bro?

Whatever, bro.

I don't fucking skate.

That sounds like some fairy shit to me.

How old are you?

Fucking 16 or something?

Are you a soul skater, man?

I think it's some kind of, probably, it's got to be some kind of faggoty shit, like

an insult that we don't get.

Yeah, the fucking 80s teenage skating thing was fucking stupid and gay.

It got replaced with freaking goth, all right?

Just imagine the kind of people that it gravitated to later when it became not so much in vogue.

Hey, I used to skate, yo.

Yeah, but how old were you?

How old were you?

13.

Ah, okay.

Okay. This guy's like, oh, he's got some skaters?

I love skating.

But, like I said, he's talking about soul skating.

Fuckers, stop calling me boy, man.

I'm being serious.

And I'm not fucking black. Don't call me boy.

I'm sure it's something like sounding

with a fucking big pen or some shit.

I'm going to be in a faggot note

to know what it is.

You guys ever hear that one goof?

Go ahead. Regale us.

Spoofers and goofers.

Man, that's good.

Alright, be quiet for a second.

when i say be quiet you shut up all right okay sorry yeah okay you're right hey what's up man

hey how you boys doing how are you how are you boys doing there i'm sorry something happened

with the phone you know how are you boys doing how you boys doing oh please that's what you had

that's what you brought boss please all right look man i gotta go all right it's good talking to you

though the good idea dramatic a shirt for the win that's how you know a fucker's classy when

he rocks the ed shirt i'm gonna disconnect that okay you can't say boy to people like that

they really got your goat for real dude what do you say spoofers and goofers right i gotta

fucking type that shit down spoofers right hello spoofers and goofers hello yeah hey

yeah yeah how you boys doing yeah you got any nice boys over there see you can't say boys

hey hey uh can you please send me the number of that spooker and gooper guy oh yeah it was a

yeah yeah yeah because that's definitely gonna be a party time copy and go to paste over here

got numbers from parkman machine hey everybody out there in radio land happy mlk day

R.P., I'm okay there, motherfuckers.

Ah, thanks, man.

Let me see.

I wonder if I try to call it or something, if it'll just save them.

Anyway, I'll get it at the end of the...

Yeah, yeah.

Remind me.

Dude, that spoofers and goofers cracks me up, man.

You gotta let me hear the calls, man.

Spoofers and goofers.

Oh, f***, Jessica, how can I help you?

Hey, sexy, how you doing?

Good, and yourself?

I'm pretty good.

Horny, you know.

How can I help you?

Can I talk to Meats, please?

Yeah, hold on one moment.

Hey, I'm a choo-choo train.

Okay.

There's a guy there named Meats?

Yeah.

What kind of place is this?

Calling whole...

No, Meats apartment is 36...

Oh, this is Big Brit...

Are you the fat girl?

No.

Oh, they said they were going to transfer me to the fat girl in Meats.

That was weird.

I don't want to talk to...

I don't think I've ever really pranked...

I thought it was...

I thought it was, like, some place,

and he said,

Hey, can I talk to Meats?

Like, I thought there was a guy...

You know what?

Oh, there was a guy named Meat and Porky's.

Was there?

Right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't think I've seen Porky's.

I know Porky's.

I know about it.

I think it was in a, I don't know, chat.

I saw Porky's, too.

It wasn't that good.

Yeah, I think there was a dude named, in one of those.

The dude, Spookers and Goofers is cracking me up.

Thank you for calling.

La, la, la, la, la, la.

Our hours of operation.

Sure.

Hey, Judy.

How are you?

Hey, Judy.

How are you doing?

yeah yeah i was calling to see how the action is there today how's the heat

how's it how's things going i think you have a wrong number it's sports yes it is yeah i'm

glad you guys don't get that busy at this time right uh we're fairly busy all right is your

bathroom is it in the front of the store or in the back sorry is your bathroom in the front of

the store or like in the rear of the store area how would i get to it uh forgive me what is this

in reference to oh just when i get there i need to you know you'd make toilets so i'm just wondering

if and we got to get in there quick yeah whoa where's your toilets at god damn that guy like

pulling deep just trying to get let's see uh lunch lady says give the love to the show tonight

all right buddy yeah lunch lady lunch lady you rock on bud farty's here do i gotta click on him

or no already he should be already oh he's not like he's blue like am i am i hosting this no no

i am i am the host you're good you're good man just sit there and be ready all right

and tiny check that's what i'm talking about man is anyone else in there are these looking

Justin's in there looking all good

with his big fat Carlitos shirt

I want at least 5 people in there right now

or I'm going to shut the show down

Dead Deal Us

is there

they're not at camp but there's

Genuine Chocolate Face, there's Rusty Cars

and Ted Cruz in there as well

is that 10 yet?

1, 2, 3, no it's just 6

alright well we need 4 more people there

before the next prank call finishes

or they're going to end the show early

you guys need to be helping matt out with the prank call nation tiny chat and his own one too

which is x intel right or as a party yeah yeah yeah yeah it's x intel i'm just not there right

i was trying to log in it's so stupid you know because like it's pain in the bitch

like it's such dude i just went through this giant thing with tiny chat like

a couple days ago like this giant sign-in bullshit right oh what did you change your

password structures no but like it's not doing my automatic like you know most websites i go to

like it saves everything of mine so i just type in h and it pulls up pill act 666 and then i'm like

it knows the password like it's just acting dumb hello hello yeah yes oh good yeah i need to make

an order who is this oh this is eddie i need to make an order for one gasoline really yeah how

How?

Well, I'm coming, so I want to make sure it's ready, you know, when I get there.

I need one gasoline.

What do you mean by it's ready?

I want it to be fucking ready when I get the fuck over there, banchot.

I want the gasoline to be ready.

Are you out of your mind?

No, I'm not out of my mind.

I don't want to deal with dirty people making me wait longer than I have to.

I want the gasoline fast.

Fast gasoline, god damn it.

Just go somewhere else and fuck yourself.

You go somewhere else.

You mean that gasoline?

what is this like i'm looking at your like link and people are like so what's the big announcement

he retired from not doing shows i just i was just joking i didn't mean that it's just what

i just i like to see who responds i try to all right so yeah yeah you just chug the water yeah

because i like to see what response i'm getting from social media whichever avenue is so that one

i only put on mixler i believe i was wondering how many people say oh wow they're actually

paying attention as being right there that's all it's a lie there's no announcement i don't know

unless something happens oh okay yeah there's no no i dude when i when i opened the blinds today

and saw that the like building across the way was totally empty i was like because there's

something going on in downtown chicago they evacuated and didn't tell me yeah then i thought

no it's okay so all these people aren't working but it's like weird you know usually i open that

shit and it's just full of people like doing computer stuff and doing stuff and i was like

what the fuck is going on man like some 28 days later shit yeah do you believe the rumors that

mlk was um bisexual and there's uh that i would hope so hoover recorded audio has a tape of him

i guess who i've heard yeah maybe it was him oh my god he is he was having bisexual the white

hooker and was yelling i'm not a nigger tonight and stuff like that yeah that's yeah i've i've

heard like some i've never heard the tapes but i've heard of like you know that they're around

type thing but yeah sure i'm not i don't know i bet he was i bet he was cool man let's say

yeah i was wondering if he'd be you know pro you know gay rights and stuff or not i think he would

yeah i think it would yeah i think he's gonna like i think he's like the digital underground

song you know do what you like i see guys and girls dancing do what you like we got 13 people

in the room now the show is saved yep all right see half of this

come front right now come front right now huh come front me that is like that's such a weird

specific like insult thing like what like have your sister come in front of me like

it's just so like weird or something they say you come in front of me like just come in front

or something that's so like a weird thing well i think it's like say to my face but it's it's

more of a society where oh i thought it i thought it was like i thought no i thought like you're

telling fuckers like make your sister fucking like finger stuff in front of you oh no like

that's what i thought it was i always thought i always thought i think they said they're gonna

want to kick your ass like they're like uh oh i always thought they were like all about semen

and coming like i just it's like okay i don't think so but carlito what we got some issues

going on oh wow i got prank call drama i already some like old ladies running her mouth about what

my homie's doing what's he doing fucking uh nelfi gilson stuff or what oh this is like next door

neighbor oh oh hey i got somebody we might want to add this call i got somebody trying to sorry

sorry yeah hey yeah okay uh why don't you come front excuse me come front to me you know come

in front yeah come in front of me and laugh okay there's some like there's some like you know one

of those like porn bots just i think i got it yesterday i went on skype i got i know this is

what she types so i will accept the thing right now well you got a porn bot you're confusing me

me about what's going on yeah yeah this is you know like somebody like wants to be my skype friend

and this is the message it sent me okay hey i did a search for mail in our area and i found out

you in case you wouldn't mind if we chat you will also add my snapchat blah so i will send you my

photos so you may know me exclamation point i don't like to show pic on skype okay yeah weird

weird right i don't know so you're thinking russian nigerian what do you think oh no hey

well it's a picture and drag it in there there's a fake picture oh yeah yeah but it's offline

like i'm here to get this know about what backpage got censored by the government

well backpage agreed to stop posting adult stuff like craigslist did a few years ago

I thought that's all Backpage was though

I think it was best known for that

but yeah that's where they were the holdout

I think but Craigslist has been a while

the ads still show up but under some other template

they're a little tame

I'm sure it's still there

cause like you know

Craigslist still has

dog food for sale everywhere

we call those people

hello

yeah hey you got them chicken machines

chicken machines

yeah you got a few chickens there

Yeah?

Yeah, I'm looking to get some chickens.

I need some more for my flock.

Are they girls or boys?

I see they're nice young dogs.

Both?

Yeah.

I need some more rooster males because I got this asshole chicken back here.

You hear him back there?

Uh-huh.

Yeah, he's been a real pain in the ass.

He's talking back to me.

He kicked his food back at me.

Then he started saving his urine and feces for a whole week in a cup.

and when we went to feed him the other day in the hole he uh he threw the cup of urine and feces

in the guard's face in the barn he sure gassed him yeah so yeah we need to get some nice some

better male chickens here to come here and fuck him up kick his ass you know if they could come

here and fuck the hens a little bit some big strong bucks yeah strong bucks to fuck the hens

nothing there that second time that's a number sent from parkman thanks parkman parkman so

arty so what there's a woman in your neighborhood who's upset at your your homeboy as you say

homeboy lives like a couple blocks or so away and he's my connect and i guess she's like running

her mouth to all the neighbors that he's either growing or selling fucker why is she gonna do that

you got her number no but like my dude's like he's to the point where he's gonna have to like

move oh i was i thought he was gonna have to fucking put a bus a cap in her ass who's she

telling just other neighbors like going up to you and saying oh did you know the boy down in 234 has

marijuana is that what she's saying like the neighbors like to the other pretty much oh my

god how old she is she's like 80 70 i don't know about the lady he just he called me letting me

giving me a heads up because like i'm one of those like main customers you know yeah yeah and

it's probably bullshit that'd be a good bullshit way to get you off because you can be kind of

clinging you know arty it's it's just like a barrier you're saying just a little space

like hey hey man yeah my you know the old lady here been saying this stuff i stopped carrying

all right man remember remember in man bites dog when uh the killer guy scares that old lady to

death with the gun with her oh it's great because like he's got a film crew around him

it's a great it's a french black and white movie called man bites dog it's about a film crew goes

around with the serial killer guy but like he goes in old lady's place and he like she's really

old and they're saying like interviewing

her and she's like

I used to be on TV and they

say we're talking about old people

in apartments and then he's like granny snuff

you ever been snuffed out and puts

a fucking gun to her face and then she has a heart

attack and then he was like this

is a this is a special case because

I saw this bottle of heart medication on

the table so I know I could just scare

her and then they're like

go go loot under the mattress

they're like old people they're

never poor they're

are they're they're never poor they're cheap but they're never poor they always got money in

so it's a great movie fucking encyclopedia brown wow yeah oh and so i was thinking about

encyclopedia brown yeah that guy right fucking dad like i i think i used to read him when i was

but i was thinking about it now like that seems like some dorky little harry potter

faggoty shit yeah like i wish goofus would cross over and from goofus and gallant and beat the

the fuck out what was the thing he was just like a smart kid or someone or like his dad was a car

investigator i think and he didn't work with him but he is that kind of like inspector gadgety like

was he like penny like i think i don't think i don't know if encyclopedia brown did his stuff

in secret i don't think he did okay but he he worked out of the garage and like you drop a

hoarder in his fucking jar and he'd solve a crime for you or something like and at the end it's

it's just basically a long word problem that's this guy is like a short story it's really all

and they put like five or six in a book right yeah yeah i just remember having the book yeah

arty here's what might make you feel better you want to call a guy who's selling some playboy

machines oh hell yeah oh yeah do you can you look at your chat and i just gave you a craigslist ad

speaking of back page oh yeah the back page i'm sorry that's what we're talking about like

Like, Craigslist still sells, like, quote-unquote dog food all over the place.

And then it's just dudes selling a hell of mad drugs.

Is it?

Is that what it does?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's the, like, we call them all the time on Friday time.

They're like, I got mad fire dog food for sale and shit.

See, I've messed with a guy once.

He was selling homemade chili.

Not chili, homemade salsa, I think it was.

And I think it was green, like, verde, salsa verde or something.

And I called him.

I'm like, yeah, that's the code, right?

He's like, no, what are you talking about? Again? That's a code, you know dog food seems to be like a legit code

Yeah, yeah, that was on an old shoe. Maybe

2008 said yeah going back to the Brill building already before you even yeah, we're calling playboys already. Are you ready?

Yeah, I'm ready. All right, they're collectors playboy mags. Who's I ever knew that had subscription or playboys or dickheads?

I know, but back then they were, for me, being in my teens, it was a great source.

I know, but I'm telling, like, dudes I knew, like, in my 30s, that they were, like, pretentious

deep dickheads that would, like, hang at a restaurant and, like, get to know the chef

and stay around afterwards.

I can't get to my phone right now.

Leave me a message and I'll get back to you.

Oh, shit.

It's a girl selling them.

Yeah.

Hey, I can't get to my phone right now.

Oh, it's all her boyfriend.

She's on the phone, I think, because it's going straight.

She's selling her boyfriend's plate, boy.

Hey, I can't get to my phone right now.

Leave me a message.

It might be hers.

it's also one of those lines that cuts out in and out of shit um we got a pony arty you want

that instead i can't do a pony all right i can save that for me construction workers needed

finance manager perfect i'm looking for a job all right there's a tutor wanted also if you want to

be a tutor so i'd like to be a tutor you're already uh already do the construction worker

and then matt will do the tutor all right trying to make it marijuana joke you know

fucking

I just I don't I mean do what you want

it's not that it's bad but it's just like I

want to see more from you because lately that's all

you've been doing man it's like

do whatever I don't care

hello yes sir

hello yeah hey you got construction

jobs yeah oh that's

good cool cats got already

stuck I'm gonna put Matt he

he's doing a call for a job he's just a little shy

you know

yes hello I want to

come do the construction work

uh my dad here says that i could get be big and strong like him if i come and work there

my son's 22 he needs a job so we're looking to put our work on a site construction site

yeah i i know how to push a wheelbarrow so far like you can fill it up but like not all the way

but like halfway and i can push it push real good like that old song yeah oh excuse me

so job done no evil already of course you're not taking the tutor i want to be a tutor

i want to be a tutor because all i had to do is talk like this like i want to be a rapper

yeah

Don't want to be on TV.

I'm here.

Watch this.

Gentlemen, start your engine.

What's what?

I can't see anything.

All right, who wants to tutor?

I can call back.

Go ahead, Artie.

All right, you ready?

There's a paste in the description since you got big problems there with your mobile.

Oh, shit, I need to read the description.

I'll read it.

Fuck you, guy.

I think they're going to be a tutor.

Tutor, 10th position, 8th to 12th.

Dude, all I need to say is don't be a tutor.

Oh, wow.

It's for blind students and computers.

Oh, shit.

I have a hard time grasping.

Remember that cool blind dude that used to hang around?

Yeah, in the forums and shit.

I can't think of his name.

The N.

No, not the N.

The N's foreign, not blind.

No.

I can't think of the name.

Cool Raw, I think, right?

Motherfucker.

Every time I go to Tango.

Legend, legend?

The blind taxi driver, right?

Artie, you ready?

Tutor?

What are you going to do?

His name was Trenton the T-Man.

It's going to be computer machines.

Artie, you got it.

Yeah.

Oh, it's for an autistic person.

Hell yeah.

There you go.

Blind, but sure.

Trenton the T-Man.

Yeah, blind.

I could just molest her the fuck out of that.

All right, now.

They can't see what I do.

Section 220.

I got the dial extension.

You guys go ahead.

If you know your 46 extension number, you may dial it at any time.

There we go.

I can see whatever I'm doing, right, what I'm helping with.

I can't even see what's on the screen.

I can just pull up anything, and they won't even know what's up there.

Louise from the business office.

I can't take your call at this time.

Shit.

Damn her.

as long as i sign when you whack off next to him it's all good right

8 a.m to 4 30 p.m central time if you know you i guess she's gone yeah she left an hour an hour

ago i didn't realize it was that late fuck like i wish i would have seen your message earlier

because like i didn't get up to like uh fucking noon and then i went to the reefer store too

oh dude i got some reefer like tools today basically some capsules does it work does it

taste like i took another i'll show you what does it taste like nothing they're just like capsules

it's just like it's just like fucking like waxy it's like the same type it's all the same man

you're gonna try to put them up your ass they have suppositories there oh wow really they do

yeah they they have capsules and suppositories in the same thing through the ass wow wow really

it's almost a fetish at that point right yeah i think that's really sick people i don't maybe

that could be but i was thinking maybe like really sick people that aren't allowed to eat

doesn't have to pass through the liver yeah if that stomach cancer they can't eat but they can

take it up the bum a little bit you know yeah yeah and have a colostomy bag just put it in the

hole um all right this is a pony already did not want this matt do you want a pony or should i do

You all of course you gotta get a pony

Dude put that put the genuine my pony song out in the background

Do it

Well hang up and get it

Try again, it's only being in the

the ship what is this are we bowling yeah right i was gonna bowl during this break well that's

actually i'm calling from places like the boeing dude jimmy screamer claus is making a crazy

animated music video and he's gonna have like a cg version of me in it and i just like son of a

mess i'm like i really hope those monsters fucked the shit out of me on that thing and he just liked

it so hopefully they're fucking me up that'll be awesome we'll share it to everybody it's uh

Jimmy Screamer Claus

is the newest... I don't know the name of it

yet. It's

Butcher's Harem song.

Okay, I'm finance manager.

We'll do this one.

For some reason.

Hello? Hello? Hey, Jim,

how you doing there, Big Jim? I'm calling

because you can see you got a job, finance manager job.

Oh, yes, sir. I'm taking applications.

Oh, yeah, I'm calling you from my

mobile office. Yeah, I got fired.

I've been out of work, so I'm parking my

RV at the Walmarts, and then I

i come here for internet just hang out in the bowling alley you know they're pretty nice

oh yeah yeah it was a really good manager till i got fired you know for because of the stuff um

well i i yeah you know you know i don't know man if you do you really want to know you really want

to know all right so um i was a manager at a furniture sales place and this is a between jobs

I was a manager at the furniture sales place, and I got real upset, and I brought a baseball bat out of the back,

and I just started hitting everything that was glass that I could find, like all the countertops and glass chandeliers and stuff like that.

I was just hitting my baseball bat.

I kind of blacked out.

I had a panic attack.

Come in and fill it up.

Yeah, I'm fine now, you know.

Can I wear a white shirt, like a short-sleeved shirt with a tie on there?

Yeah, that's fine.

Okay, and I'd like to roll the sleeves up even more to show the guns, you know?

I got some nice tattoos and stuff I'd like to show off.

Yep, you got a pen?

Give me a second here.

Hang on.

Yeah, go ahead.

Got it.

Great, I got it, I got it.

Thank you.

I'll see you tomorrow at 11 o'clock.

Hey, I mean, yeah, I mean, would you like maybe for me to meet with you tomorrow?

Yeah, you'll come in here for an interview.

What was your name?

Jim.

All right, I'll run my fingers through your hair, you know, while we talk together.

Great, I'll see you tomorrow.

I'll run my fingers through your hair, and then I'll just put, like, my hand on your knee and you'll start working out.

We'll play chicken, you know?

Hey, little baby chicky.

Gay chicken.

Chicky, chicky, chicky.

It's like playing chicken, like, you know, with a car or you stand in front of a car.

But you're just doing gay chicken. So yeah, it's close to being doing a gay thing. It's possible

But so the man's dick is possible. Yeah without touching. Yeah, cuz once you touch your gay

For the rest of the day, right? I kind of Bork that I could have made that funnier, but whatever

I'll failed with our dracoosa

The one that the one that found a sexy signal

That stupid bot that I tried at and then...

Oh, okay.

I'm going to call it Spencer's.

Nah, it's a hot topic.

Spencer's.

Dude, they moved Spencer's in the mall.

Which mall?

The Sanford Mall?

Yeah.

Where they moved it to.

I'm surprised it's still open.

Yeah, it's like...

I forget where, but they doubled the size.

Really?

It's more towards, like, the Dillard side.

What I understand, really, their Black Friday is basically when Halloween sales start kicking off.

that's when they make it in the red yeah they usually aren't that busy any other time of the

year from what i understand from what i've heard spencer spencer's was always just like like kind

of sexy like druggy shit when i was young not really that much halloween when i was like it

was all like black lighty and like fucking x-rated dice and like dicey you had your joke section

yeah right and then i love the black light they always had a black light poster poster there and

that has a few lava lamps right and then you have the sex and the fucking the wave so what

dude remember this wave oh yeah what was that about you remember when it was always like you

go into stores for a while they're in the 80s and they were like all that movable yeah they

were like let's say it was the size of an ipad kind of let's say right and it would rock back

and forth no right it was like it was like a chunk of it was like cut like a two by four it

was a big chunk it was like half a two by four with blue oil and water and it would rock back

and forth i saw some crazy ones though yeah there were some different ones but i remember it was at

the same time that coca-cola had the thing catch the wave during their like i think it was 100

years of coca-cola yeah i think they're centenary centenary thing but they had all kinds of like

like, stores with, like, the kinetic, like, sculpture, you know,

of, like, metal balls flying around and, like,

like, I remember whole stores of that kind of shit.

Yeah, yeah.

Back in the day, man.

Before Artie's time, even.

Well, you were born in 89, right, motherfucker?

Yeah.

You know, I still rock a lot of crazy, like,

dude, remember how, like, there were fireplace stores?

Remember the piano store?

There'd always be some dude playing the organ in there.

It was always organ music.

Yeah.

yeah yeah i'd be walking in the mall here or like they'd be sections of stores with

electric fireplaces and lava lamps yeah like in the 70s so weird yeah you had to always the

oregon piano store yeah always that fucking oregon shit man that was great and fucking

bill and ted's one goddamn beethoven's rocking on that shit it was an oh yeah you're right

fuck yeah he cranks that bitch out what's so crazy just talked about like being in the mall

or something no so crazy just kind of run him and sigmund floyd are moving in on those broads

when the like oh no him billy kid and sigmund floyd comes up with the fucking

the guy named corn dog talking about my name is sigmund but you can call me siggy and they call

him dorks and billy the kid and so great to laugh at him with the broads and they like jet

Billy kid shooting guns in there

Jonah Varks doing the jazzercise

It's good stuff

Gang sconce skateboarding

Beating shit with the metal bat

It's a good fucking movie

You should do a movie night of that shit

Well then you had Napoleon

Went to the water park

Be a pig

He's like

a little more than the

balls. They put the

be the pig out of his shit.

I think they, and the kids ditch him

because he's dark too.

Like him and Sigmund Freud sucked, man.

So crazy.

Bill and the Kid were like the guys.

Bill and the Kid wasn't in that.

Fuck, he wasn't.

Oh, he was.

Yeah, but they just picked him up real quick,

I thought, though, Bill and the Kid.

Oh, no, you're right.

They picked him up and then he was through the whole movie.

No, wait a minute.

No, wait, wait, wait.

I thought they went first at medieval times

and they got the two chicks no they get billy a kid i don't know man i thought their first stop

was to get the two chicks from in the medieval times that's the last that's the last shit because

it fucks up yeah things get fucked up no way man no way man i guarantee billy kids the first

i don't know right now wiki wiki okay bill and ted's excellent we're talking about excellent

yes journey right is that the first one excellent adventure bogus journey was a bullshit

just all right all right all right so plot in futuristic city 2688 really i didn't know yeah

all right well that's that's no that the future was where yeah yeah yeah wow anyway uh time

machine said the police chief logan press ship at military academy wild stallions bill and i struggled

with the report the two befriended the kid ah man the two befriended the kid in the old west

And then Socrates, Socrates, as they said, right?

When did they meet the chicks?

They become infatuated with Princess Elizabeth and Joanna, her friend, right?

And, okay, that was in London.

Okay, they were the third.

So they weren't the last one.

They picked up a whole bunch of people at the end.

They were going all over.

They're like, Abraham Lincoln, Napoleon, Napoleon.

Napoleon.

What does he say?

No, Napoleon was pretty.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

He was the little brother.

Joan of Arc was a major one, too.

yeah i know i was talking about her doing the aerobics and the fucking game yeah she had a

t-shirt that had the cross on it yeah yeah well she took she started aerobics as you had a shirt

yeah well let's just watch the fucking movie movie night tonight movie night tonight here

in tiny chat let's see if it's on oh well you can't do it on tc but you can do it on maybe

Maybe if it's on...

Private, private, private.

Yeah.

People got to get in.

I don't know.

Or whatever.

What do you want to do?

Cinetop or something.

We can do it.

Cinetop?

What's that?

Is that the one with the Netflix you're talking about?

Yeah.

No, no.

That's something else.

But I'll see if it's on YouTube.

That'd be cool to have the Netflix thing.

But do you see the username or the email address of the other person who's listening?

I don't know.

The Netflix one.

That'd be cool.

But I want people to know my personal Netflix account.

Yeah.

I don't know.

know i don't know what it did like i'll connect with them like with somebody and see what i can

see but i'm not like the best guy for knowing that kind of shit but i don't know like i make

one and then just people come to my room if i start a thing i don't know if it's what it says

because like i think i don't think it comes up with your username i think it comes up um

um like whatever your your youtube name or sorry netflix name is like mine's just like matt yeah

uh just like your first name like your account your account name because you know how you have

multiple yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah well profiles profiles yeah so basically what we're talking

about there's a there's a online service called showgoers showgoers for netflix yeah if you have

a valid netflix account or you have a netflix working account with the streaming service on it

you can watch the same movie at the same time right as other people correct right we're trying

to we're talking about then we have to be in the same country we don't know if we should do it on

netflix or we should use these there's two others that are potentially could be used yeah there's a

website that we do chats and we can show movies on it's um called sin i'm trying to look how to

spell it thing oh here it's s-y-n-a-p-t-o-p so sinna sinna pop pop snap pop s-y-n-a-p-o i'll put

it in the chat yeah it's a bullshit way to fucking spell it all right any of you wanting to do

roadside assistance arty are you back arty yeah yeah i'm here sorry man you want to do a prank

to roadside assistance are you down with that or no yeah all right you want to link to their site

or are you good um no i'm about to piss all right i'm gonna i'll mute while i go

all right all right here you go roadside assistance don't screw it up thank you for

calling those broken lines thank you for calling side assistance never mind some numbers i call

on it it's just like that there's some kind of problem with the service i use works air

leaf blower leaf blower for sale i guess i could i don't know where i'm gonna go with a leaf blower

If you want, jump.

If not, never mind.

I guess not.

All right.

Prosvent Prostate Relief Pill.

Oh, these are all like infomercially kind of things.

A prostate relief pill.

If you want it, let me know.

I think it's something they call VoIP places.

You make frequent trips to the bathroom, suffer from urgency, hesitancy.

Do you get up more than once?

Hi, I think it's calling to ask your order.

Yeah, hey.

Make sure you do get the best service possible.

This call will be recorded.

Yeah.

We have really terrible feedback.

Yeah, you're a bitch.

Thanks.

Yeah, bye.

Bye.

Yeah, you're fucking shit.

Some of these lines, when I call it, this has just started happening.

They sound like shit.

And it looks like it's all these 800 numbers.

The company I use said I have to provide examples, so this is good.

I'm time stamping them now.

We should call the Steam chat people.

Oh, yeah, they shut us down now.

They don't take any internet numbers at all, I don't think.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Thank you for listening.

Hey, you stupid monkey.

You monkey.

You monkey, you monkey, monkey, are you John the monkey, yeah, fuck, fuck, fuck it, yeah,

all 800 numbers, let's see, here's another one, not out, oh my god, toll free numbers

aren't gonna work, I found a fucking pattern here, something to work, uh, got mall stores

stores here games jewelers cell phones anything at a mall well then everyone's gonna work we're

calling you should not have said that you say hey let's call that point here watch repair already

watch watch repair watch repair this is monique how may i help you yeah hey uh hey i'm gonna put

my brother on he has a problem with the watch i got a lot of shit i gotta do all right okay

hey um what kind of watches you guys repair um all kinds of watches um you do the uh would you

Do you repair a fake Rolex?

Oh, yeah, we can do that.

What's wrong with it?

Well, um...

Do you think it might be the battery, or...?

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

He's real emotional about this.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

Yeah, it's very important.

It's a Mickey Mouse watch, and he got thrown into a pool.

He got thrown into a pool?

They threw him in a pool.

He had it on, but his mom gave it to him.

It's the only thing he had left of his mom before she died, you know?

It's the only thing.

Okay.

Yeah, so he's real upset about it, you know?

So we really want Mickey to at least move around again.

yeah bring it in and we can take a look at it um if anything if if the water messed it up then we

can probably put a new movement on the inside but it shouldn't be a problem okay can i provide the

movement um you could if you know what movement it is all right hang on are you i'm gonna get it

right now hang on bowel bowel movement lady will that work will that move for the lid bowel

Bowel movement.

Bowel movement?

A bowel movement?

Yeah.

I'm not sure.

I love it when you breathe like that.

Do that again.

That's how she sounds when she's, you know, getting off.

She's like, yeah.

She makes that move.

Sorry, I was just in the middle of taking an enormous bong hit.

Oh, wow.

Thanks a lot.

Thanks for nothing.

Yeah.

Thank all of them.

Oh, yeah.

And you're Chicago, man.

You're going to feel it.

They're going to tear down that building.

The Willis Tower.

They're going to shut it down.

They said already.

Cool.

Yeah.

Dude, imagine if they became a giant, like, hobo hotel.

Hello?

Sorry, I didn't catch that.

Oh.

Just say the name of the department.

I still didn't catch that.

Fuck.

To reach a department, just say the name.

Electronics.

That would be electronics.

Yes.

Is that right?

Yes, yes, yes.

Thanks.

And which can we help you with?

If you're calling for...

Sexual organs.

Remember, an ounce of a thousand corpses...

Hurry up and fucking transfer us, you fucking bitch.

Especially the sexual organs.

I still didn't get that.

We provide...

Of course you...

Go, go, associate, right now.

I don't want to talk to you, motherfucker.

Go, go, associate.

That's part of the problem here.

It's talking to robots.

Sade, smooth operator.

That's what I'm talking about.

Hey, shout out.

Happy birthday, Sade.

Today's your birthday.

Hello?

You're home with food machines.

All right, then I got to take a break.

all right bye bye bye bye food machines see how i got her trained yeah yeah man so what she's on

hold with food machines no no she's coming home with food groceries i gotta put put the shits

away i got i got okay damn it all right look i'm gonna be right back evil arty's here matt

laugh track yeah i can bullshit with him are you leaving us on well yeah let's play a brick

machine you know play a break because you can't you can't die that's gonna be a long break i'm

just saying yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah there's gotta be like that all right i'll be right back

radio will be back right after this we're back hey we got sex here all right we got a

zack oh yeah yeah you turned down my radio okay hi turn that down i think we got like another

hour hour and a half ish left of juice here before we go um i got a ball in front of me

let's see if i get any more emails from parkman unless some of you had something developing for

calling yeah nothing uh oh hey hey do you have the moment to could you make me a mod in oh you

know what i am a mod probably it just wouldn't let me sign in do you need me in there are you

good i don't know well let me just i can't i'm having problems trying to sign in so you're in

there and there's other people hey let me go in there i can at least watch i don't have a i don't

have my shit hooked up right now but if i can't if i can't sign in then you can't mod me you know

right right i can i'm typing i just was typing in youtube as my fucking log what was i thinking

see if i can remember how to log in yeah yeah it's acting really weird for logging in i can't

get logged in though really yeah like i'm done i know my name's hillock666 you know like it always

is and it's just not so let me send me a password so we will well yeah let me know if i'm in there

now so yeah cool man i'll be right there thanks man you're very helpful and buster is trying to

he said he will convert

Bill and Ted so we can watch it

on that website

if we want

that'd be cool so Bill and Ted

the first one is looking like it might be a

contender for this movie night thing

we've been talking about the public movie night

we've had a private one for a while

we can watch the Greasy Strangler

I got that on there right now

it's amazing

it's like Tim and Eric type movie

it's weird as fuck

Fuck, it's great.

Yeah, it's so great.

Everybody that I know that saw it loves the fuck out of it.

Sounding good?

Yeah, but the people, it can only be so public on there because they need to make an account.

Like, if we could do it on WatchTogether, if we could find some things online, you know,

then it could be more public.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Tiny chat.

Okay, no.

With tiny chat, you can't be public with copyrighted stuff.

well no tiny chat you can't do full screen so watch together is better because you can do full

screen and you can use you can use like vmo and whatever you can use different daily motion

different sites and shit okay let's log in but on um this cinetop thing you can you can rip your

own movies and put it up so that's what's good about that that's cool hi mc tim is currently

currently unavailable please leave a message hey we wanted to see about hand carving them

wood things but you're not fucking here motherfucking tim you fuck you my fucker

yeah fucking tim we're hand carving them wood machine things look at i logged in right there

and i am a mod so everything so it just it wouldn't let me log in and probably see you

oh you're logged in you not have camera on okay but yeah oh yeah yeah yeah no yeah i'll

I'm a fucking ham, dude.

Yeah, show penis.

All right.

Not right now.

Not really?

You're not feeling it right now?

I have, yeah.

No, but I have before.

Oh, wow.

I'm shy.

You guys could see that maybe potentially one day.

Not now, right?

But maybe sometime in the future.

You might see a little bit of Matt penis right there.

Matt peen.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't miss that.

In the scat house of doom, there's a really old photo of my flaccid peen getting blown

by a bloody mouth girl.

i heard about that let's see if i can find it uh silverado too a chevy chevrolet chevrolet

silverado chevy yeah it's good shit man one thing i've ever had a chevy oh my work van was

but i mean that wasn't mine yeah i drove it the thing is great all right dude so like basically

basically like when i had that orc fan i uh i'm like i just had it for um let's see um i wonder

the tiny chat in the mixer chat so if anyone wants to put the chats in it on it's okay

you can turn it on you want to turn it on yeah turn it on and on and oh yeah

i'll see all the people saying trollish things that mean

What am I saying?

Let them come front and say.

We got someone with items for sale.

Nice light oak family dinette table with six chairs.

Yeah, let's get nasty and perverted.

It's gross for that.

We also got beautiful wooden dark cherry entertainers.

I'm trying to send that picture up in the chat.

I got some messages now.

Cactus, cactus, cactus, cactus, yeah, there we go, the fucking cactus bullshit.

Don't ruin me, cactus.

Low hill, there.

It's embarrassing.

Oh, what the fuck is that?

Oh my god, you sick mother.

Hello, this is Barry.

Sorry I missed your call.

Leave me a message.

Do what, man?

I think I remember that picture.

Oh yeah, yeah, it's the first picture in the scan I was to do.

That's a page you have on Facebook?

Yeah, yes.

to google is that real uh yes it was uh i still got scars on my hand there's all pictures from

me that night with blood all over so you guys are doing blood play yeah that was the one and

only time that ever kind of was it was more for taking pictures and look neat hello hello yeah

hey how you doing i'm doing well how are you i'm good god bless you thank you so much i saw you

you have put that advertisement in for a woodcherry uh entertainment center um yeah where are you

calling from uh i'm on horse machine ranch i live out here it's just outside of it's a new

development horse machine ranch you know where they put the new light up horse machine ranch

road uh well you probably don't because you're a woman you don't have that you don't have the

the metal in your head

to allow you to always know where north is.

Yeah.

All right, what can you tell me

about the Cherry Entertainment Center?

Well, I have a lady

that's actually coming tomorrow

to look at it.

Well, I'll give you more.

I'll give you more than what she does.

Yeah, fuck that lady.

Yeah.

Well, that might be nice.

Yeah.

Well, you have your name and phone number,

and if she doesn't take it,

we'll call you back.

Oh, but, okay,

so what about the dinette table?

No, I don't have that anymore.

You sold that?

Mother fucker, you?

You're a fucking asshole.

Sorry?

You're a motherfucking asshole for that.

She is.

Yeah, you.

She's a bad egg.

You're a bad egg, lady.

Oh.

99 listeners.

Come on, let's get this up to 100.

Yeah, let's do this.

Do this shit.

Do this shit, yo.

Dude, it's like...

Hello?

Yeah, hey, I was calling over there,

and I guess your wife over there was having a hard time.

She fucking hung up on me and shit.

What can I do for you?

Yeah, well, I'm calling for that shit, that dinette table,

and she's giving me shit,

saying that some other motherfucker's coming to see it,

and I don't like that shit, you know?

We don't have anything.

No, she just said that she has an entertainment center for me

to come look at.

No, we've been sold all that stuff.

We don't have anything else out there.

Well, give me something then, motherfucker.

But we do appreciate you.

Give me something, motherfucker.

We do appreciate you calling on it, though.

Whatever, asshole. Bye.

Motherfuck you.

Fucking Christian guy.

There's some lady coming to look at it.

So one of them's lying.

We do get the bottom of it, don't we?

He's too Chris

He's like I got the lord on my side

I ain't gonna get my devil

It's kind of nice to be that delusional

Like he's got to put like a weird

Buffer on like all the bullshit

Of life just like whatever

Jesus got my back

Fuck you devil

You know

Alright I ain't gonna get any

Hey Buster were you able to download

And uh

Convert Bill and Ted

please yeah I found I found the easiest way to do it is converted to FLV if you

have something that does that cuz like the mp4 X to do what that thing is like

hit or miss sometimes you can convert it to get it together and then all of a

sudden it works it makes no sense yeah decency left in this world right it's

like it's like mama like always says nobody does their job anymore

mark well he's talking about you well i'm quoting you ma she's talking about you she means you say

nobody does their job anymore my job is being crippled and joking with you guys out in the

house you clean the toilet hello do you sit down when you pee hi i see you guys uh 75 pieces of

ruby red glass uh-huh all right yeah how uh how often is that being clean i mean are you doing

your job being cleaned what are you talking about well i mean are they clean and whatnot like what

What am I looking at getting into here with that?

I don't know what you're talking about.

It's just glassware that I've got for sale.

All right, cool, cool.

Is it ruby red?

Uh-huh.

What color does it take when you put water in it?

Does it look darker or lighter, do you think?

I have no idea.

All right, can I come see them first?

Yep.

All right, and I'm going to bring my baseball bat with me, okay?

Fuck you.

Motherfucker, you.

Don't you say fuck to me.

Fucking asshole.

Fuck you.

straw for sale four dollars a bale hell yeah man get some straw put it up matt hellock's ass

do what now some straw put up your asshole some straw dude i was just like today but guys like

i didn't take you to the store like two that was like like a little before one i was like all right

i think i did and like i instant drink some coffee and go shit like three times hello yeah

Yeah, you got them straws for sale?

Yeah, you got the straw.

Oh, yeah?

How much straw bales you got?

A little bit today, but we'll have to...

How much do you need?

I need to make a big fire.

You need to make a fire?

Yeah.

Yeah, I got to burn a bunch of Bibles.

We got about a pickup truck bed full of Bibles that we need to burn down.

I think I need maybe like four bales.

Oh, we don't have it right now.

We'd have to go get it.

Yeah, but when can I get it, God damn?

Because, yeah, I got to burn these Bibles.

These Bibles can't be sitting around here anymore.

Yellow.

i can't fuck them all that's for sure yeah since we demanded more listeners has gone down

you faggots oh man really it went out for a second there it went down from the 99 fuck yeah 95 well

whatever where's booker pooh booker pooh can open like 20 fucking listeners there and it makes us

dude that fucking dude don't even talk about that weirdo man i like there's been no i haven't

noticed any accounts have you oh he's listening no i haven't noticed any but they'll you know

he's crazy he's a crazy person i just keep hoping he's dead well i'm not gonna say anything mean

about the guy because it's such a nice guy no seriously fuck that guy and fuck

oh yeah yeah yeah psychotic man looking for any kind of work to do if you need a chainsaw or

a weed eater or anything repaired I will

fix them up at a reasonable price

I will take any for parts if you

don't need them thanks

please call Junior

how about that I'm your human

weed eater and you need him

to sharpen my teeth

so I got this boy here that eats

my weeds

but his teeth ain't sharp enough

I'm going to turn it on and I'll play

my shitting sound

hi Brad

brad brad i see brad brad brad brad let's let's have a foursome brad come on you know you want

to hello god damn god damn damn this country people talk so low you call the city like

oh and it's it's very loud and fat yeah man like i like i like south talking people

it's just all right and this cat showing off his money's looking justin's counting

didn't mean like what up dollar bill it's five what's up got all that money all them singles

god damn it oh it's 20 i'd see a 20 snug back there i used to iron my money when i was in

in high school because i was one of my oh oh a hundred yayos yayo tastes better out of that

if i couldn't get a nice and flat i'd iron it most of the time i iron my money like once a week

no no oh my god nice and crispy yeah it was fucking that's so funny really bougie but the

smell of ironed money it's almost like burning flesh it's really hard to it makes a smell that

smells like flesh burning you know what i mean yeah i know that's right yeah yeah burning money

isn't yeah burning flesh is like burning hair times a thousand yeah yeah that's bad uh someone

had a double y mobile home for sale there you go your call i'm just really gonna want it uh it's

not answering it doesn't work they got disconnected dude it's martin luther king day it's a national

holiday my friend what am i thinking 36 year old lady with 11 year old son needs a place to stay

video game systems for ages two and up fifty dollars games for sega nintendo super x 360

and playstation wait what's the super x i never heard of the super x i've heard of all those

see what shitty chinese was super super super x oh dude hey my other picture on the gta i caught

a fucking lightning bolt right like on oh yeah on uh on gta on the train i was taking pictures

and there was a fucking i just caught it like bits of it but it was a and it was on total

accident it was so rad i was like holy shit that's cool that's such a dude i'm like the

The loneliest, most solo weirdo on GTA 5.

Like, I'm just way out in the desert on freight trains and shit, doing nothing.

I can't find any reference to a Super X console.

We're really going to have to call an ass then.

Let's be real at first.

If they answer, let's be real and say, hey, what's a Super X?

Because that might be some kind of rare shit, and we might be able to get it.

I'll fucking buy that rare shit.

That rare shit goes to, you know, that shit makes you itch.

Isn't the rare shit?

They also got a Dodge Ram, man.

They got a whole bunch of stuff.

they got everything everything had the guns he got up there down there anyway jordan everything

he's got everything now leave me alone that was uh that was an impression of the fat guy taking

shit in the movie maximum overdrive while emilio estevez is questioning him about the guns in the

cellar what you got down there man well he's reading the smut mag popping bubbles and bubble

we'll go everything hey you got everything eric get out of here and then there's like a fart noise

system 32 check yeah it was what system x or x thing 98 we're getting up there yeah let's do it

come on 100 100 let's do it yeah let's do it uh did you hear on the break uh lbj linden beans

johnson former president calling about pair of pants he needed more room for his bunghole

and his dick needed more room i was playing the call from london lyndon johnson lbj no no no i

wouldn't i was talking to zach yeah he said i need more room from the back from my bunghole

i need about two inches more in the front it cuts me he's famous for his big cockies to whip it out

and to intimidate like senators that's awesome yeah and uh yeah he was straight up like going

to like i guess back then the secretaries in the white house a lot of the young ones would sleep

but in the white house to be close and he would like after he was done for the night he'd go into

the room be like your president needs you and he'd fuck him apparently he was quite quite the

ladies man he fought he had a big dick big cock he i think i'm not joking around he had a special

shower head installed in the white house shower that he used to aim right at his dick and he had

it was like really yeah he's really obsessed with his penis i've had like i've had nice things

it's just water jets like whirlpooling that's a real girl thing really you do that that's how

girls usually get off i know that but like yeah that's yeah you put in your anus though you have

a lot of nerve and well you do you have a lot of nerve that uh that i don't know i i do i would

think he'd blow up and it'd be horrible he'd be like a puffer fish no no no no hello yeah hey i

ever seen if you still had needed a breeding partner um yeah okay cool and it's a red nose

american pit bull yes all right and does he like to fuck a lot i mean we've always just had a fine

self yeah but i mean when he's i mean you're looking for has he fucked another a female before

and all that no he hasn't yet or would you think he'll know what to do i'm sure he would has he

had his first erection yet hello fucking guy back there say hang up those are all good questions

this man come on can i have him out there with some kind of four second man needs to show your

dog a good time you know my needs to be properly i'm feeling bad bad that song is dope

it's a song that'll play when the dogs are meeting dog mating song that's what it sounds like see

that that noise doesn't bother me my dog makes that noise all the time really yeah yeah just

it just whinges when it wants stuff like like that when you her all the time yeah yeah

No, she's got a person.

She's got two homes.

Two.

All right, we've got someone looking for a private place to rent.

Has to accept Section 8.

Yeah, just like Zach's over there, Section 8.

Yeah.

In the UK.

Section 8 food stamps, UK.

Yeah, that's fine.

That was the joke.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hello?

The dog's finishing.

Hey, how you doing?

Hey, we're just watching our dogs mating.

I'm sorry.

How you doing?

Hello?

We're watching our dogs mating here, finally, because we've been trying to breed, and our

dogs haven't mated yet.

they're mating for the first time praise god oh jesus yeah i heard you got the road you're

looking for a private you're looking for a private place to rent section eight yes yeah that's something

that's what i'm calling no i'm sorry you see we i just got word here that my dogs are mating i just

went in there while i was calling you see watch the mating because uh we've been trying to breed

them i got american red pit bull red nose pits yeah and they just he hasn't been interested in

her and during the heat cycle so we put him in there we were playing some sexy music and he

He finally, you know, did his thing.

So what kind of, is it just for you, one person?

Do you have any pets?

Do you have any children?

It's just me.

It's just you?

All right.

I've got a son, but he's grown.

All right.

Okay.

All right.

And you're good living, you know, in just, I mean, we got a one-bedroom studio house kind of thing.

The room and the kitchen and everything's in there.

It's got a hot plate for you, you know?

Oh, no, I want a bedroom and a kitchen and all that.

Oh, all right.

So, I mean, what do you want to do then?

You want that one then?

I got one of them, too.

Two bedrooms.

Now, who is it?

Oh, my name is Cross.

I'm over here at Horse Machine Ranch.

We have a lot of property over here at Horse Machine Ranch that we're trying to rent out.

Where's this at?

It's a new Section 8 housing, Ranchland Section 8 housing.

Over there where they put the new light, Horse Machine Ranch Road light, the new one.

I don't know where that's at.

kind of on the way to walmart's i know where walmart is yeah there's a new light there

horse machine ranch road and then this is real big horse machine ranch we are a deed restricted

community and we got a bunch of different houses it was supposed to be ranch land for like rich

people from north from here for yankees but because of the depression and economy whatever

it been they turn them into rental unit machines you know so we got studios we got one bedroom

room two bedroom three bedroom two bath all that we got everything behind walmart or it's by the

walmart's where the new light is by the walmart's are you talking about yeah you got me puzzled

because i don't know where that's at and i don't know where the new i know where there are new red

lights and a medical building is yeah yeah there you go okay where's this apartment from back there

is it's a house where you can rent it all right it's a house it's all section eight section eight

machine yeah see because i bought them i'm a local dog breeder i breed dogs you know they have they

get the dogs to have sex with each other and then they have puppies and then we sell them off so i

mean i'm doing good for myself i bought all this property and they ain't been able to do shit with

it you know because fucking nobody fucking came in bought it so fucking i don't know anything about

this what do you mean i just don't you want to see i mean if you want to meet the walmarts and

i'll show him he's right down there right across the corner i'll show you right here all the houses

big pool in front for the community and swings you can put your sir i don't i don't know this

don't feel like but i appreciate you calling me anyway oh come on come on come on do you have

problems sleeping with the dog in the same room whatever i never got to get the hook in there

try dragging it too far you know shit sorry guys

where i start and buster aggravate any video coder it was called just to look up

dude he just asked me it's okay he asked he's like hey do you want me to convert that thing

and put it on the sit down for me and then i said he's like you want me to do this and he said i've

been trying to do that for months and it never recognizes it so then why did you ask me i don't

understand what are we using for the movie night what what what what are we doing hey by the way

matt the chat was making fun of flvs and flvs pretty stupid it is it is stupid it's pretty

dude this is only for solely for just slowly jumping through hoops like to make things

accessible for people to share i'm sorry guy yeah yeah just dude not your buddy guy

I'm on your side. I just need I just need a quick. Well, I'll just do it. I mean goddamn self

I just can't just cut off the pirate. I'll download thing and I'll get rid of my fucking son. Make your own

Right, I did like what you use like I hate when people ask me questions that could easily be googled

Yeah, like like whichever one you like, I don't I don't know which is like it doesn't matter now

I gotta try to find the dinkiest file to gigs. It'll be quick. Love this

Toledo, what's heart? How do you make shoot shit the show go on to iTunes?

I thought it is. I was meant for you to describe it all so I could throw it up on there

He said oh, hey wait, he said there's problems with the name

the name yeah yeah and then you said we'd carly rook itself was because we were saying that

this is the first time i'm hearing this though you know yeah yeah you gotta tell me these things

oh last i knew you were gonna go in and let me know he was did you describe the show page because

i'll put that in the itunes like i was just kidding dude like i know that dude it's not

everything's cool man i'm just doing it oh like can i give some of you a big thank man i love

day i love you it's just like yeah yeah yeah yeah i i don't know if you're really mean you're

sensitive when you say whatever i'm just telling the thing myself sensitive yeah just oh and every

time you fucking did you forget every time i get i get more messages and then like it stops like i

I get easily overwhelmed

with a lot of shakiness.

Now I lost weight.

We're doing a show, man.

It's okay.

We're having fun.

This is for a good time.

I like it.

And now he's just talking shit.

It's okay.

Okay.

Yeah, boring little man

gets easily frustrated.

Okay.

All right, let's call for Fat Girl Clothes.

That all seems to be funny.

I did that a few weeks ago.

Hi, Asuka.

It's Asuka there.

Asuka, I think that's how you pronounce his name.

I don't think no one understands,

but Jaya, for the longest,

this would always say that we got expa i think that's how you pronounce his name you said it

for like five weeks straight i always thought hey do you have clothes for fat girls for plus

size yes you do have a plus size no like for fat big fat girls yeah oh yeah all right and what up

to what how fat can they be um from 1x to 3x and then jeans 16 to 24 and how does that how well is

That's what I'm talking about.

What's a 1X compared to a man 1X?

Is that bigger or smaller?

I'm not sure.

Oh, shit.

Do you have clothes for stupid people?

Unless you dress really well, then I guess.

Well, just stupid, you know?

Stupid people?

Stupid young women who want to look trendy?

Well, we do have trendy, but we don't have it for that.

Oh, you don't have it for that.

All right.

I think you just acknowledged that you're a stupid lady.

I'm sure with that sudden.

We have, we have trendy, we don't have that, though, sir.

Let's try to listen for the call pink side.

Victoria's Secret, we'll ask them for a big call.

Thanks for calling Victoria's Secret, pink.

I'm going to tell her that.

I robbed 104, we did it, guys.

Yeah.

Cheers.

Hep, hep, hey.

Hey, Buster, you're looking especially dapper this evening.

We've got a big date, baby.

Big, hot date.

Thank you for calling F*** This Is It, Brett.

How may I help you?

Hey, big girl, how you doing?

Um, who is this?

Hey, I was trying to see if you guys have a lingerie for fat girls.

Um, that would be Victoria's Secret.

Oh, so you don't have fat people clothing here?

Oh, no, this is F***.

We don't really carry lingerie.

What do you carry there?

Big tits?

Just, like, normal bras.

Normal bras?

like for big tits yeah like big fat titties yes okay good good can you touch your elbows behind

your back i'm sorry can you try to touch your elbows behind your back uh no i bet you i can't

go watch i'm trying now go ahead you try i'm sorry do you try try real quick touch your elbows behind

your back no i'm good thank you oh please i just want to see if you can it'd be so cool if you

could only so many people can all right all right bye bye all right that's a good move though you

ass girl. Bet them that they can't do that.

Let me see their titties.

Thank you for calling. Please wait while I transfer your call.

I'm gonna help you. Hey, how you doing?

Good, how are you? Okay, hey, do you have

clothes for fat girls? Uh,

we do. Okay, how

fat? Oh, she hung up.

She's like,

yes and good night.

Bye. Please wait while I

transfer your call. Oh, the phone went to call his name, Brian.

That guy, one girl, real pissed off.

Oh, I can only imagine, dude.

hello honey honey baby honey baby hello

yeah hey i was calling about the fat girl clothing i'm sorry i was calling to see if

you had fat girl clothing there don't eat the phone out of anger

oh boy dude i uh i don't need the phone out of here that was good i uh i i made like a

throat cult video yesterday and it did the bart it made a gif with the bart with i washed myself

with a rag on a stick and i thought of you buddy i washed myself with a rag

dude i just i like the whole idea of homer's disability like wait if i get so fat that i

i can't go to work i can just stay here this is gonna be amazing and this i like is like

he had this romantic thing he was drinking like yeah he just ate a lemonade and a beer

and then and then fucking uh goddamn planners comes home like well yeah do you have clothes

for fat people for fat people yeah no we only go to xl why why um i'm not sure that's just how

how to make their clothes but why um i don't know oh is there anything stretchy no oh yeah

everything has buttons on it do you have no well not everything has buttons but oh good maybe i

can stretch some of those right are they cotton i can stretch yeah they're cotton oh uh do you

have pants with elastic in them with elastic yeah only for girls why just the way it is oh

Oh, okay. Do you have the muumuu's?

Do I have what?

The muumuu's that just go over and cover, like a hospital gown kind of.

Okay, I can't hear you.

Do you have like the gowns, like the hospital gowns for fat people?

Oh, no, we don't.

Shit.

All right, well, I mean, that's not nice that you don't have clothes for fat people, you know?

I'm not the one that makes them.

How big is your mother? How big she is?

My mother?

Yeah.

She's the same size as yours.

All right, well, I mean, I got a big mother.

I mean, how tall is she?

She sounds like she's like 5'8", 5'7"?

She's 6'2".

6'2", and how much does she weigh?

Is she a big girl?

No, she weighs 143.

She could lose a little bit of weight, though, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

So she probably passed that on to you, too, right?

Yeah.

Do you supersize?

Do we have supersize?

Do you supersize your food when you go?

No, I don't.

You don't?

I'm vegan.

You just get the regular meal?

No.

Where do you go?

I don't go to a fast food restaurant.

Where do you go?

You go Subway?

You eat fresh?

Whole Foods, actually.

Whole Foods? Oh, wow, you got a lot of money, huh?

You're working at ***, you must have a lot of money.

Yep.

Yeah, how much are you making?

I'm making... how much am I making in here?

I don't know, it just goes into my bank account.

Oh, so you probably live at home or something, right?

You still live with your parents, mom and daddy, pay the bills?

Yeah.

Actually, I live in the dorms at UNR.

Oh, yeah? You live in a dorm? Oh, that's cool.

That's cool. Do you share a bathroom?

With two other people, yeah.

Oh, nice. That's nice. That's good.

That's good. Do you have them sit down when they pee?

So it doesn't get...

Do I sit down when I pee?

Well, just so you know, the pee doesn't get everywhere.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I do.

Yeah, yeah, because that's the best way.

All right, cool.

Cool.

Do you have a code for when you're going to masturbate?

I do.

What do you do?

I use the tie, my tie.

I put my tie on the doorknob, and he knows, like, I'm in there, you know?

No, yeah, no.

We use the hat.

You use the hat.

You put the hat on the doorknob?

All right.

And what do you like?

You like watching the porn?

Have you ever watched it?

It's not gay to watch porn with a guy, right?

Well.

It's kind of fun, right?

They're never there. You drink some beer and you watch porn together. Yeah, we don't it's not gay. It's life

You know, oh you feel comfortable. Hello, you don't feel comfortable doing that

Are there roommates sleep in the same bed or the same room two men one two men two beds?

Is there two men two beds say say it?

Carly I was trying to get you to ask some of you eat semen even though he's a vegan

Then you wouldn't like I typed it all over the place

I was gonna say like how do you justify that like hello yeah hey you have clothes for fat people

yes we do uh how fat like fat girls like fat girls yes we have um extra large to 3x

3x all right so how big a girl are you well how tall are you I'm 5'4 and you weigh how much

like 1 30 wow

oof oof wow

were holidays rough on you

okay bye were they rough that's cool

me too

oh do you know what else I wouldn't

I can't read all right you know like

reading the chat or you just don't care

no what chat what chat

I got several I got three dude the skype chat

oh yeah it doesn't it's here's the thing they don't

I said they're alive

I said that remember oh I know

but I was gonna like the question would be

like hey do you eat semen

even though you're a vegan right like that was the thing because they're alive how do you justify

killing that life like like getting ahead like are they really alive though they're single-cell

organism they're but okay you know what i mean if you're like if you're like a vegan you don't

either you don't you don't do yogurt you don't do fucking milk it's it's called the

I don't know the product.

It's called the cum paradise.

It's a mammal product.

Dude, I'm just saying.

Hello.

Yeah, hey, I was thinking what I was talking about earlier.

You're vegan, you said, right?

I'm vegan, yes.

Do you eat cum, you know?

Do I eat cum?

Yeah, I like to swallow it.

Okay, but, I mean, that still passes for vegan?

Yeah, I pass for vegan.

Well, where do you cross the line, then?

Where's the line drawn?

For vegan?

Yeah, like, what do you consider life?

What do you mean, what do I consider life?

Well, I mean, you're eating the cum.

Right?

Mm-hmm.

So at what point is something considered that you can't eat it?

Do you eat fish?

You're not pescatarian, right?

No, no.

All right.

What about kelp?

I'm sorry, wait, hold up.

What?

All right, what about yogurt?

Yogurt, no.

All right, because there's life.

Is that why?

Because there's life in it?

No, because it comes from an animal.

Yeah, all right.

Well, all right.

What if it was a vegan yogurt?

But comb comes from an animal.

Humans are animals.

Yeah, that's right.

What do you mean?

Would eating an abortion be okay?

Yeah, how many, the first trimester, second, third, when do you consider it that you can't eat an abortion after birth?

Because the semen, half of a baby is okay for you to eat and kill.

If those were to stay inside that man, they'd still be alive.

Would you eat a sea sponge?

No.

Okay.

Like, even if, like, I just cooked it up, it was an amazing tasting sea sponge, that's too alive for you?

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

I don't think a sponge is much more an animal than some kale.

Yeah.

What about, I mean, do you eat ketchup, regular ketchup?

No, I don't.

I hate ketchup.

All right, but, I mean, what about tomato sauce?

What if it was mixed with semen?

Yeah, a processed tomato sauce.

A processed tomato-based sauce is going to have bugs in it

because of the processing of the tomatoes that have bugs in them.

Any processed food will.

Yeah.

Really, any wheat.

you know i think americans on average eat xxx amount of you know bugs a year that we don't

even know yeah we don't know yeah i know we'll never know right we'll never know we have to

wash ourselves of that you know yeah yeah i mean what do you do do you like cut yourself i cut

myself sometimes because of that you cut yourself yeah because i think that's a transfer like i let

it drip onto the onto the earth onto the ground usually at a park or something or underneath the

the tree behind my house i cut myself well no because it's returning it you know it's returning

it just for the bugs i stepped on an accident and like there was a spider on my windshield and i was

already driving and i looked and i noticed the spider was trying to crawl and then i went to

help him out and i kind of put my hand out and i pushed him up and he like he squished yeah let me

One time I accidentally smacked, well, not accidentally, a fly, but then I felt bad.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, it sucks, right?

I mean, we try, but, you know, it's everywhere.

They just keep advertising it at us all day.

Life here, life there.

There's all this living stuff.

How would you feel if a doctor gave you antibiotics that would kill all your biome and your digestive track?

That'd kill, like, a lot of things.

Yeah, there you go.

If you take antibiotics, yeah, what about that?

Did you tell you how I would feel about that?

Yeah, like killing all the, like, that's a whole ecosystem.

Oh, that's fine.

Oh, shit.

What about?

So is lung life small enough?

It's like semen or single cell.

What if you got a waterborne tapeworm that wasn't your fault

and it was living inside of you, eating you from the inside?

Would you?

Well, I mean, vegan is not eating animals,

So I'm not eating it.

It's just going to die.

So you'll kill animals, but you just won't eat them?

Yeah.

Okay.

So then you don't care about the bug thing then, other than what you get in the ketchup and stuff?

Mm-hmm.

As long as I'm healthy, I'm fine with it.

Okay.

All right.

Good.

How big a boy are you?

How big a boy am I?

Yeah.

I'm 6'3".

Oh, nice.

And I weigh 150.

Oh, you can lose a little bit though, right?

Yeah.

A little on the stomach.

Yeah, were the holidays a little rough on you there, buddy?

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, these abs can use a little working on.

Yeah, oh, wow.

Pull up your shirt for me real quick.

Let me see.

Lift up my shirt.

I just lifted it up.

Oh, wow.

Nice, very nice.

Matt, you like that?

Do you like it?

I do.

Yeah, Matt's going to trace his finger on your abs right now.

Thank you.

Don't be alarmed.

All right, yeah, nice, very nice.

I'm rubbing your hair right now.

I like, I just like that semen is not alive.

I know, you want to eat some semen?

I'm unzipping my pants right now.

I don't know how it makes life that it's not alive.

Would you eat female eggs?

Would I eat female eggs?

Ovum?

Human caviar?

No, I wouldn't.

Okay.

All right.

Okay.

Well, do we have any...

Matt, anything else for him?

No.

This is like...

He's a strange bird.

So you're a homosexual.

I mean, it's cool.

I like it.

You guys are cool.

You are, right?

They are, but he definitely is not cool.

This guy's a dickbag.

You think he's a dickbag?

No.

He's answering all your questions.

he's answering all your questions are you guys not busy i heard you guys your stock's in the

chitter in the toilet we're not even busy we we've only had like one customer the whole day

oh my really you guys and then who do you think is going to go first sears jc penny or your guys

uh we're actually not going um out of business but i think sears oh really yeah but who goes

you've been talking about sears all night yeah like i can only think about like going there like

Grandpa working on his car or something

I rocked work shirts

I get to share some signs

I like

Used to be the place to play video games

You know like the demo machine was there

You could buy them there

Sears used to be a happening place

But now fuck that

You'd be able to buy a TV

Yeah you're old though

You were born in the 90s probably right

Yeah

Yeah we're fucking creepy old men

From the 70s

We used to like

You had to go to Sears

to get shit done. Get your car fixed.

You went to Sears or Kmart.

And they're both the same company now.

They're both in the toilet.

My grandpa was like, oh,

forget to take the car to Sears.

That's what you did.

sears only hope now is to sell their real estate they just have good real

estate assets that's all they got that they sold land's end with clothing which was like real the

only clothing that i had there that was selling they sold that shit off their car repair stuff

is so profitable all they have all that's profitable right now is the home repair warranty

shit it's all they make a profit on that and uh that's it it's cut adult because the reason you

who make money

on wordsies

it's a fucking racket

you know

they bought Sears

as like stupid

you know

buying stupider

you guys know your information

what's that

huh

I said you guys know

your information really good

oh I know all about

Sears Kmart

I know about JCPenney too

they had this fucking

wackin' up

CEO that took over there

and he was like

we're getting rid of

all registers

they're all gonna be

electronic

and they're like

why

and I'm like

I don't care

and they're like

okay

and then

yeah

of all the places

This is the most modern technology, I think, is JCPenney.

But it sucks because I'm a big guy.

You know, I'm joking around with you.

You're a big guy, but I'm a big fat fuck.

So is Matt.

No offense, Matt.

But, you know, they have big and tall section there.

Sears doesn't have shit big and tall.

With JCPenney, you can go and get some.

Dude, I got an Arnold Palmer, like, fat guy golf shirt back in the 90s at Sears that I rocked forever.

I raised this ugly brown Arne Ballmer golf shirt that was quite big.

Cool.

Do you go to JCPenney at all?

No, I don't.

No?

Well, okay, so where do you go?

The Cheesecake Factory and shit?

Ooh, I hit that on the Big Bang Theory.

So what are you, I mean, where do you go?

So you're the reason why you sit like Sears and stuff.

What do you buy?

Everything on Amazon?

Where do you buy your clothing?

You don't get that shit, do you?

No, I don't shop at .

It's stocks, right?

style um i shop at tilly's macy's and the american eagle hollister okay macy's in the toilet too you

need to be going there more often because fuck yeah all right you get anything once in a while

where you get your shoes at full locker and shit or where no macy's actually you get your shoes at

macy's do you buy clothing online at all uh yeah hollister oh all right and you you should go to

to laughtrackmat.spreadshirt.com

and buy some of my shirts, buddy.

Where do you meet guys at?

Do you use Tinder or Grindr or Yahoo Personals?

What's cool now?

I love Tinder and I love Grindr.

Wow.

Yeah?

You get a lot of dick there?

Is it happening?

I'm sorry?

Is it easy to get the D if you want?

A little fanny?

Not really.

No, it's not?

Oh, well, you're a big guy.

That's why.

But, I mean, I have my go-to guys.

Oh, yeah, yeah, right.

I hear you.

Yeah, I was a young guy your age.

I had go-to girls, you know, go-to, you know.

And you ever try that glory hole shit, you know?

You ever get like that, like, oh, I need to get, you know.

I haven't, but I want to try it.

Oh, yeah?

Okay.

Is there, you know, Sears might have a glory hole.

Have you ever checked it out?

I might end up going to Sears then.

Yeah, I heard that they have a pretty happening glory hole at Sears.

Maybe you go there.

Will you be attending this glory hole?

I could, Matt, you want to go?

I do want to go.

Matt, you there?

Matt, glory hole?

Let me check tiny.

No, Matt's gone.

He's probably going for a beer or a piss or something.

All right.

Or both.

Do you want some uncaught British cock?

Hi, I'm English.

I weigh 120 pounds.

He's got long hair, like a girl.

Long hair.

He's got a neck of his waist.

Beautiful hair.

I'm 5'10".

I weigh 120 pounds, and I got long, beautiful hair.

Hi.

That sounds attractive.

Yeah.

Cool.

all right so you want us to come by or you know uh yeah you can come by right now and

you gotta do all of us though you can't just do you into one of these shirts it won't fit but i

mean my like i said my buddy he's from the uk he's thin slender you know are you top or bottom

reverse i'm versed you're versatile oh wow cool i like top and bottom are you caught uncut what

you go what you pack in there what kind of root you got i am i'm it's seven inches it's average

and i am uncut all right all right sorry all right and you're different sounds like you're

mulatto mulatto yeah what are you you're latino mulatto you bear you come i'm american are you

cob or bear what are you uh i like to think myself think about myself as a twink that's my god you're

still talking to cute little sugar britches oh yeah hey matt's back hey he wants us to he's

He's actually horny. He wants to maybe hook up.

He's a twink. He's five.

I'm Latino, but I identified myself as an American because, I mean, I was born here.

Hell yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Hell yeah, man. Fuck yeah.

Are you white Hispanic or what are you?

Mestizo?

I'm white Hispanic, yeah.

Mestizo?

Well, I look more like a Hispanic, but my dad's American.

Oh, okay. So then you're 50-50.

You're like Obama saying he's black. He's not really that.

Not a black black, you know?

Right.

How do you feel about the election and everything?

Were you pretty bummed out? You probably were, right?

You sound like you were.

No, not really bummed out.

Did you get involved in the process at all?

I did. I did vote.

Oh, I save votings for squares.

That's what he says, but he lives off the government.

And he complains, oh, they're cutting our shit off.

I do, I do, I do.

I'm a very hypocritical man.

Yeah, we have a pic of him getting his dick sucked by a girl who has blood on her face, like real blood.

Do you want Mavis to text that to you?

It's a nice old picture

It's been around for years

You see Shaft, you can't see the head

It's not a flattering

Like I said

It's very classic

Who gives an idea what he's going into?

It was a Yale night

Do you want that or no?

Did you want us to Snapchat you?

Or text you a picture?

My Snapchat is

We'll get that out to you

Hey, I don't know

I don't have a Snapchat.

We'll get one.

We'll use the station.

My Instagram is LaughTrackMatt.

If you'd like to ever check it out, you're welcome, buddy.

Let me write it down real quick, okay?

Hurry up, honey.

Go ahead, honey.

All right.

LaughTrackMatt.

Okay, I will.

All right.

I will let you go.

You got to work, man.

Hey, it was good talking to you.

Have fun.

For sure, it was fun.

Yeah, well, you got to work, all right, buddy?

I don't want you to get in trouble, all right?

God bless you.

All right, that's it.

All right, bye, bye.

God bless you.

Shut up, bye.

That was nice. I don't know what that was about.

It was about...

Well, I just

hope that it blew his mind

a little bit.

We're dead in here,

and fuck it, I want someone to talk to.

I'm in the hole.

Dude, I'm still

thinking about you're vegan, yet

you happily

talk about consuming

living creatures.

The only one.

what you mean semen semen yeah that's it's it makes a baby like the dude it causes so much

it's half of the dna that completes a life dude dude it still swims whatever i get yeah i again

like you were talking to you he would need a thing of like any paramecium's like swerving

whatever are you one of those pro lifers now man what the fuck happened to you

Oh, no, no.

Oh, life starts in the nutsack.

Oh, no, no, no.

I was trying to catch him in his dumbness.

Don't masturbate.

It doesn't matter.

Hello?

Jesus Christ.

That's you.

No, I most certainly am not.

If I ever got caught in the trick back, I'd be sure to get rid of that.

105, we're still going up.

Bam, man.

Justin, I wish they let me turn cameras on in the store

Because they have some pretty neat glass pieces in there, dude

I don't know what they have

Hey, you should do a show after I get off here in a minute

I'm not going to do a show

My mom's just going to say

You've got to go to sleep

Or go to work, really

You've got to go to work instead of going to work

We all queue for potty time, though

so i think tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow dude i don't like i was talking about this i was saying

like i'm cool like like yeah yes on the show or watching movies but like i don't like hosting the

show unless i could scream like crazy i could only do that during the day okay you know screaming

hey lady and shit like that yeah it's just whatever yeah but i i'm like i'm downloading

on that movie right now. Are you not going to

watch it? Yeah, I will. I've got to go

off air, but I can watch it.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, yeah, this is like,

this is going to be a thing. I've got, I've still got

26 minutes

downloading on it, and then I'm going to have

to convert it, and

I don't know how long that takes.

Whole fucking thing. Yeah, well,

it's, it's

kind of a...

Hey, honey, how are you?

How are you?

Do you have clothes for fat people?

Whoa.

I'm out of steam.

I'm out of ideas.

I don't know.

Unless you have a great idea.

No.

Zach, do you got anything?

Talk to any hotels?

Do you want anything, Zach?

Ashtrays?

Ashtrays at a hotel?

Let's find a hotel.

You got it, buddy.

We'll call a casino.

All right, how about that?

We'll be in the casino.

We'll all be having a good time.

Alright, let's look for the hotel

I still can't believe Justin smoked regular Newports. I've never seen them in my life

I've never seen non-metallic

Newports. I didn't know they exist. Yeah, they're red. The thing is red. Yeah, he smokes them. Yeah. Yeah

They gotta be some garbage cigarettes. I don't know

I just did Newports because you know the people I hung out with smoked Newports because you could be coming around with no

camels around them and shit it's like you know who i noticed is newport people is well a minorities

and two like drug people drug people yeah yeah it seems like a lot of maybe i'm just like grimy

just grimy motherfuckers just smoking newports yeah yeah just do a bump do a bump and smoke a

newport yeah that's what i heard that newports are really uh fashionable when you were doing

yeah it's like kind of like those yeah maybe this type of cat like chocolate like chocolate

cake and a cigarette and coffee after dinner yeah i don't know what another thing too quiet

this is a casino hotel yeah hey we're out there we're there right now they didn't even say hello

hello they just they just put us on inside the casino oh no i just i got the sound effects

Oh, okay.

Okay, okay.

What was the place?

Has Bob Vance been assaulted,

or is he doing some kind of makeup effect?

I don't know. I'm concerned.

All right, listen. We're calling the ****** casino.

It's Zach's call. It's Zach's call.

Thank you. We're calling your house full of friends.

Can you smoke inside?

Please dial it now.

You probably can in Vegas.

If you don't have a talent on your ****** club card, please press 2.

You know, so that might not work.

If you get services, press 2.

really want to know what he's doing is that what he's doing really he's chocolate is bob vance and

they're putting chocolate all over his face i didn't i couldn't face because that because

you said chocolate face i don't know let's see black hey i would tell everyone to go to

tiny chat to come slash and i i believe bob is oh it's fast why is he vast leading up his face

and why would you like

this is a great night

this is Morgan

I want to direct your call

hello

yeah I'm calling from

I'm in the hotel right now

hello

yeah

I had a question about the rooms

I need ashtrays

motherfucker

oh let me connect to

oh are you in your

are you staying in your room

yeah god damn it

I am

I can ask you to get services

hurry up

that's what I wanted

it's actually there

damn it

yeah yeah yeah

but they'll just say yes

yes you can have an ashtray

what's your room number

so you don't want to do

Well, it's not going to work somewhere you're allowed.

Hey!

Hello.

Hey, we're having a little party up in the room.

We're allowed to smoke in this room, right?

Yeah?

Smoke.

Sir, I don't even know what room you're in.

What room are you talking about?

I don't know.

We just need some ashtrays up here.

You know, there's people, the ashes going all over the floor.

But I need to know what room you're in.

We're down by the gambling tables now.

Can you hear them in the background?

I need I need to know what room number you're in. Well, they got four digits in this motherfucker

Oh, oh, did you get room numbers?

Yeah, like I don't

You need well like that only works I called it I do it cuz

Some you know what? I think I think the type of hotels you get is like like a little

little nicer not like that like a motel 8 or whatever but like a little like some kind of

courtyardy sweetie like they almost not the linux garbage hotel our linux is super nice i think

actually thank you for calling hey hello hey casino yeah we're on the casino hey hello i'm

I'm in the casino.

I'm here in the casino.

Okay.

Oh, hey.

So I need to ask you if I can get some help.

I kind of made a mess over here in the casino floor.

Okay.

I took my pants down, and somebody pooped over here in between some of the machines.

I took my pants down and something.

Is that Clay?

I should be ordering food.

How can I help you?

Yeah, I pooped on the floor.

If you go that way, then I'm just going to stay on the phone with you.

You're going to what?

I'm not going to stay on the phone with you.

But I pooped on the floor.

I need help.

I pooped myself.

You better get your hands down there and take care of it.

No, no.

You people need to come here and pick it up.

No, we don't do that.

Get the fuck over here.

Damn it.

Who is this?

I'm on the casino floor, and you need to bring fucking shit over here to clean this shit up.

I need a new pair of pants.

I'm a guest.

I need to be served over here.

I demand service.

Who is this?

This is Eddie, motherfucker.

Who?

Eddie.

Big Eddie

They call me Cousin Eddie

I'm over here playing

And I need to get a service

I need a new pair of pants

Because I shit in my pants over here

Why are you calling the hotel?

Because I'm staying at a hotel

I need you guys to bring a pair of pants

Because I tipped it

Well you don't do that

I shit my pants here in the casino

That's not my problem

I need help

You didn't help me

I had some lobster

It was bad

This guy was like

Oh I got lobster

Just keep off the boat

You need to have it

You're occupying some valuable time here

What can I do for you?

I need to get this fucking shit fixed out of here, man.

I need a pair of pants, please.

You're going to have to go to your room and get a pair of pants.

Come on.

Is there a Target somewhere you can go pick them up?

I'm going to hang up on you now.

No, no, please.

Listen, I have a solution.

I have a solution.

Are you there?

You go to my room.

You get a pair of pants.

You bring them here to me, and I'll give you a tip.

I'm sorry.

I've been drinking.

I'm sorry.

Hello?

Yeah, I've been drinking.

I'm sorry, but you get a pair.

You're going to need to handle this on your own.

Please help me.

Give me a pair of my pair of pants from my room.

I do not do room service and get you pairs of pants.

But you have room service.

Please help me.

I'm here.

I shit myself really bad.

There's water.

It's like water.

You're just going to get shit water all over the casino floor.

The entire walk all the way up to the elevators.

That's what you want.

All right, sir.

You're going to have to handle this on your own.

Please.

Security escorts you.

Hurry up.

Tell them to hurry the fuck up.

Oh.

oh security's coming guys security machine so i'm loving that so good you know what i'm about

to order myself pizza pot my friend oh yeah chicago ones they're nothing like the ones yeah

yeah let's see how much i tip this guy 97 cents or up to a dollar 94 man you're a cheap tipper

well dude like online it just does like a percentage because i'm ordering like nine

dollars worth of shit so 15 percent five yay well sir we're winning we're winning i'd like you to

stand up hold your hand up and wave your hands over here over here over here

Whereabouts are you in the casino?

MOTHERFUCKER!

MOTHERFUCKER YOU!

MOTHERFUCKER!

That was the last straw.

Ah, it's so good.

You're so stupid.

Damn.

Pizza puff on the way.

This is how you get it done in Chicago.

You get a goddamn pizza puff.

So it's like a fried stromboli.

Or a fried pit.

Okay.

You'll see it.

I mean, it's just, yeah.

I didn't grab it.

Garbage.

It's garbage.

I like, I don't know.

I say that, but I'm just going to eat it with onion rings.

I know there's scramble security right now trying to find me on the plane.

I know.

I love it.

Bob Vance making a goddamn plaster mask is so neat.

I'm, like, getting creeped out.

I just, like, don't want to close up his reading holes.

Thank you for calling the hotel and casino.

Hi.

Terry, would you hold, please?

Did you get those pants for me yet?

Oh.

Sorry, I just probably need to call.

Alright, let's call a different casino while we wait.

Your face is a casino.

Say that shit, I'll work all the time.

Your face.

That's your mom back there.

I just got a text.

Yeah, look, I need help.

I took a shit in my pants.

I shit my pants, I've been drinking, we've been winning.

Like, motherfuckers here, you know?

What the heck are you talking about?

Who do you want to talk to?

I pooped my pants, I need help.

I'm on the casino floor.

Yeah, get them over, those motherfuckers over here.

They need to get a pair of pants from my room.

Dirty.

Yeah, I need a pair of pants brought from my room down here.

Someone pooped my pants.

I went to the restaurant.

The guy knows me.

He's like, oh, I just got these lobsters.

You got to have some, you know, on the house.

And I had them, and I'll tell you what.

I started walking here at Casino, and I shit myself really bad.

It's like water coming down the legs and everything.

Down to my shoe.

My shoe's soaked with shit.

It's water.

It's like water.

Where are you, boy?

Come on, speak up.

I'm on the casino floor machine.

I'm in front of the machine.

The one with the lights goes, whoop, whoop, whoop.

You hear it?

Hello?

Anything else I can help you with, man?

Yeah, I need help, man.

I shit myself.

I need to get a pair of my pants from the hotel room.

Write down to me here, please.

I don't know.

Can you look me up?

What's your last name?

Horse.

First name?

Eddie.

Your last name is Horse?

Yeah.

And your birthday?

I don't want to tell you.

I don't like your attitude.

How much I can do for $88,000 unless I can...

Just come here.

Can you come here?

like dude you have a pair of xl pants or something uh i don't even know where you're at

okay just come on i'm over here man i'm by the machine you come over here just bring a pair of

xl shorts or something so i get up to my room clean myself up i need like a couple of towels

the hotel a couple hotel towels and a pair of xl xl arts 1x 1x you know hello have a nice day

oh my ma'am are you there ma'am hello my other hotel has me on hold dale oh yeah

long time

does it not have

any little music

no there's a little

one that's hard to

hear

they're really

loud

these hotels are

all really

I'll keep

blonde

you've probably

heard some of

that

it's called

hang a motel

down the street

see if they'll

bring me a pair

of pants with a

I've done this

idea before

it's funny though

I like it alright

so what

I have a recycle

idea

I do that a lot

it's my house

I don't want to

talk to me

Me about recycle ideas, you know, what the fuck is potty time?

You're right.

Go on now.

Please press 1.

For reservations, please press 2.

For the front desk, please press 3.

Or hold on the line.

Thank you for calling.

This is Ashley.

Can you please hold?

How long do you think it's going to be?

Hello?

Can you please hold?

Will it be long, you think?

To hold?

Yeah, you think it'll be a long time?

No, I'm busy.

I'll get right back to you.

Oh, all right, honey.

All right, we'll wait here.

Thanks, babe.

All right, everyone, let's just wait and listen to the casino.

These marijuanas are really soft covered up.

They're soft?

They're not working for you?

What do you mean soft?

Are they sticky?

Or soft?

What are you trying to say?

They're soft.

They're like crumbly.

Crumbly.

Like it's crumbling apart.

I imagine the cannabis you guys get in the UK is pretty shitty.

I imagine that as well.

It's not very sunny and tropical either, even during the summer.

Well, I mean...

They're grown indoors.

Yeah, yeah.

The Hydro

Well Amsterdam has some dank shit

And they're frozen

Yeah yeah

But they

You pay

As an exporter

Of marijuana

They're an exporter

Really

Look at

God damn

Bob Vance going

I don't

Everybody go to

Tinyjet.com

Slash

Prank call nation

And look at

Bob Vance

Putting on a

Crazy

Plaster mask

Is he taking

A living mask

Of himself

I think so

I don't know

Why he's doing it

Man

He didn't say

but he was like

vacillating himself up

he's rocking out

I'll call a third place

let me hang up on the first one

and call him back

I ordered myself pizza puff

did I already say that?

yeah you did but I understand

big fucking

every now and again you get up to piss

and you're like

thank you for holding

yeah hey I'm here at the casino

I'm at the casino

Oh, yeah, it's because we fucking, uh, I, uh, kind of pooped my pants.

Hello?

Oh, man.

Come on.

What a cunt.

And the other one hung up, too.

Finally, the first lady hung up.

Let's all do a nice picture taking.

Hi, yeah, I'm a guest there at the hotel.

Yes.

Yeah, and I'm at the casino.

The one casino here is closed, you know?

Hello?

I'm sorry?

I'm staying at the

but I'm at the hotel, the casino

here that's really close, you know?

Okay, you're in the

you're in the or I'm

I stay at

but I'm at the casino

that's very close to it, you know?

Okay, so right now, you know, you're

calling America.

Oh, fucking. Alright, so

can you help me? I

poop my shit, I shit

my pants really bad.

can you

send me

like a

how did I get

the wrong one

shit balls

abort abort abort

yeah

wrong one

damn I thought

it was

days you're in

try it again

bam

in your face

like a can

of

and when it

rains it pours

ooh I get the

movie down in

three minutes

and then I'll

try converting

it

to stupid

FLV

that all the

listeners

bitch about

everybody

Everybody make something on this Cenotop site, and if you can tell me how to convert it the other way, it's better.

Hey, Judy, I'm staying at the hotel.

Okay, can you hold on just a second? I'm with a guest.

What are they doing? What are they doing?

Hello?

All right, I'll call a s*** station right back.

She's too busy, guys.

Is Bob taking off the mask?

I can't take pictures.

It keeps saying, like, can't take a stamp shot.

Oh, there it is.

can i help you yeah hey hi hi yeah i um i'm at the casino right now okay all right and uh i poop my

pants do you think someone there can maybe run me from my room a pair of pants or bring me a pair

of pants hello hello please all right that was that was a fucking gas station anyway i don't

know what i'm talking about uh i'm digging the mask bob that's dope dude good mask bob good mask

That was super quick, too, man.

I could make some of those.

It's, like, creepy to me.

I've never done that.

Oh, D-Size is going to sing Rappy.

Okay.

There's

fuck for this pizza it's coming don't worry buddy

yeah yeah i'm in the casino now yeah yeah i'm coming i want to have a lot of i want to have

food i want to pick it up and bring it to my hotel and eat it in my underwear i want to eat

it in my underwear i'm drink i've been drinking all right good to know oh yeah you sound hot

i had to cross that line i wonder like working there like like how weird it is always dealing

went with drunk people yeah i'm sure they got like because they hear that kind of shit all the

time you know like i think i think i think yeah hey i'm sorry i was just hey josh i was disrespectful

to the girl what are you doing oh i'm in the casino yeah i need to what's going on i need

to put an order yeah i've been drinking i'm here we had a big jet hey motherfucker i want to put

Put it in the phone.

Asshole.

Yeah, fuck you.

Yeah, bring that girl in front of me, I'll fuck her.

I bet you won't.

Yeah, motherfucker, I'll punch you.

And fuck you too, motherfucker.

You won't.

I bet you won't.

I like that.

I bet you won't.

Okay, I got the movie downloaded.

Now I'm going to try to convert it to stupid FLV.

You should convert it up your ass.

Whoa.

Wow.

Right in my face, huh?

You didn't give a fuck.

He's like, put that shit.

What is that?

Any video.

Okay.

Any video converter.

It ain't going to answer anymore.

You all right there, buddy?

You sticky marijuana.

Smoking some of that reefers.

That sticky shit.

Soft, soft is what he said.

Soft.

Soft, soft.

Here's the last one.

I don't know if they'll even answer.

We'll try.

Wow.

Salvage art?

Nah, they ain't going to answer.

Tacos.

let's do it fuck yeah i don't know i do i not have this converter anymore do i not have anything

that converts flv god damn it does anybody out there got advice for a good flv converter right

quick hey how you doing hey i want to make an order yeah um are there mexicans gonna be making

my food no there's two mexicans there no oh because that's disgusting you know yeah there's

different restaurant where are you people from what are you for you from india where are you from

me yeah why because i want to know what kind of people and i want dirty people making my food you

know i want it to be good people are you latino tacos quesadillas are you like are you mexico

latino what are you oh no this is how american have mexican oh so it's american you're not

american though what are you i'm trying to ask you what you are motherfucker you know i'm asking you

what you are motherfucker you understand what i'm saying to you i want to know what you are

motherfucker you whatever okay i gotta go i gotta go i hear my wife stomping around

all right out there cool i'm downloading whatever this ff mpeg gag is we're gonna try it out oh yeah

try it i want uh if you want to zax you want to start switch to broadcast us bullshit yeah we do

do shoot the shit motherfucker yeah yeah okay so turn it off and then we'll turn it back on i don't

think i'm gonna know how to work this all right all right cool thanks for being on guys i appreciate

hey thanks for having me yeah go ahead go get ready to get on you're gonna be going on right

now yeah motherfucker i have no idea what to click oh you do all right i gotta go bye all right that's

matt and zack's are gonna be going on in a moment i want to thank him as well as evil already

Where are you going to join?

Parkman sent in numbers.

I want to thank the internet for providing numbers and providing audio for us tonight.

Yeah.

Next show is not scheduled.

I have no idea.

I don't know.

Get them while you can.

I got to go.

More podcasts coming out, too.

And watch the YouTube.

At a house radio on YouTube for prank calls of the week.

They've been hitting up.

Thanks to the dude who's been helping me out with those.

I appreciate it.

All right.

Smell you later.

Bye.

Calls (31, 1 h 28 min of 2 h 35 min)

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