Madhouse Radio

If you're calling CBS Pharmacy located within S1, prescribers, press 2.

Pharmacy, press 3.

To check if your refill is ready for pick, please hold while we get that information.

The pharmacy department hours are today.

The sound effects won't play very loud.

Watch this.

You see, this just sounds very low to me, but I can't get any higher, and I'm trying

everything, everything, and it won't come any higher.

Piece of shit, right?

I can go up here, but you hear that?

Watch this.

Still, even still.

I don't know what's going on.

Fuck sound effects, right?

Fuck them.

All that trouble for a little clapping sound effect.

Who cares?

I don't need applause.

Thank you for calling CBS Pharmacy, Arizona.

Refill a prescription, press 1.

Prescribers, press 2.

Pharmacy, press 3.

To check if your refill is ready for pickup, press 1.

To refill a prescription, press 2.

To hear the pharmacy department hours, press 3.

To speak to a pharmacy staff member, press 4.

Or, at any time during this call, press star to speak to a pharmacy staff member.

Please hold and your call will be transferred.

Someone will assist you momentarily.

This is Patricia Technician speaking. How can I help you?

Uh, I will call, I will call. I got, uh, um, I got my, uh, uh, you know, um, huh?

How can I help you today?

Yeah, I have, uh, I was supposed to call, um, uh, I got a, a call.

Okay, when is the patient's day of birth, please?

Hang on.

What?

When is your day of birth or the patient's day of birth, please?

Okay, yeah.

When is the patient's day of birth?

This is CVS Pharmacy.

Can I help you with anything, sir?

Okay, I put it in.

You need to tell me the birthday.

I need to speak to an operator, pharmacist, associate.

Can I call you back?

I got you for number 423-163-7815.

uh huh what is your phone number sir huh you need to provide me this is tbs pharmacy you need to

provide me your day of birth so do i have do i have touch pound after that can you tell me the

patient's day of birth yeah here here i'll do it again no sir you you don't have to type on the

phone you have to tell me when is your birthday okay like this i don't see anything okay trying

again on the phone okay thank you okay hang on but don't hang up thank you for calling cbs pharmacy

Pharmacy, press 1.

Prescribers, press 2.

Pharmacy, press 3.

To refill a prescription, press 1.

To check if your refill is ready for pickup, please hold and your call will be transferred.

Some will assist you momentarily.

EBS Pharmacy, this is Saida.

How can I help you?

Huh?

Hi.

Huh?

Yeah?

This is Saida.

How can I help you?

Yeah, I need to speak to...

It's so hard with these computers when they pick up the phone, you know?

Uh, uh, associate?

Yeah, this is the associate, pharmacist.

Okay, I need to

I have a confusion because I'm talking to the computer

You know, when I'm calling now

I'm talking to the computer

No, this is a live person, no computer

You are talking to a live person

Oh, okay

Do you want me to put in your prescription number?

Uh, you need the prescription number?

Yeah

How many digits is that?

How many digits?

It's just like, it says RX number

number and it's seven digits you should not put the last two numbers okay here we go seven i gotta

use some sound effects right motherfuckers so then i get stuck with this because fucking i what i

wanted to do was those siri pranks i did a few i was editing up some pranks and i had these siri

ones where i was applying for jobs i somehow i had that was the middle of the day i wasn't at work

and i well as i was applying for jobs i was talking to siri on this guy or i i don't it was

funny it was funny i was like cursing siri out and siri was like oh you can siri gets real upset

if you do this but watch it's not that loud watch hi siri go ahead and give me a something a test

of your sound level please over i don't see him in your contacts should i look for locations by

that name okay is that loud enough if the i don't see him shut up shut up you see this is me all the

time yelling at siri in the morning fucking bitch never works right or i also wanted to do one of

them and get your shit out of here jihad is really fond of those speaking of jihad um causing mass

confusion the last one i just wanted to explain that i had really much bigger plans for that

That episode with the last prank that occurred to the Clarks.

There was a lot of racism involved on behalf of a manager there who made a presumption.

Basically told the girl, if you watch that, call the mask.

Yeah, you know what?

Hopefully I can get my hands on this video and put it together as like an outtake or something.

And I'll do a talkover.

It's really crazy.

Like, if any of you have seen it, just go see it now.

however you're listening to this pause it go look at episode whatever it is oh is it episode 10 i

think and it's a clark's the last prank of the of that episode and at the end there's a younger

big girl who's answering the phone all like sheepish and shy like that you know and the

manager who had hung up on brad before now i'm calling back and i'm saying that there's an

african-american guy who said that he was shopping uh and i was security and he was shopping and uh

he said he felt that they were being kind of prejudiced against him because they mentioned

that he probably just wanted to see wallaby something to that effect which are a clark

shoe that's very famous among the hip-hop community especially in the mid to late 90s

among uh east coasters such as members of the wu-tang clan uh my man mf doom i'm just listening

to a cut off of his album there uh or well him and uh danger mouse man i'm on a tangent right

what i'm trying to say is that there was uh a moment where the manager lady tells her just hang

up it's just a prank call and then after that there's a good three four minutes of her the girl

goes yeah well the weird thing is that there actually was a black guy here looking at wallabies

and asking about them and she says honey it comes to the effect of honey if i could count you know

if i had a dollar for every time a black person has come in here just to look at wallabies and

nothing else she's and she basically said that's all they come in here for every black person that

comes here comes to every black guy that comes in here just looks at the wallabies and that's it

and then she explains how the shoe is a kind of a worker's workman's boot you know and she's like

exactly it's it's really really uh it could be controversial against the clark's company i think

it would stand a good chance of getting out there a little bit the fact that it's like this

undercover video of a clark's employee you just got to blur her face out jihad is like i probably

i don't remember but i probably took it out because i'm stupid and because i didn't want

her to get fired then you blur out her face you should probably still get fired if it went viral

she'd get fired she probably quit already anyway that needs to come out man like seriously that

needs to come out i guess what wait four years confirm with the store that she that that lady

has left that store and then release it does that make you happy anyway hopefully i can convince

his giant to maybe do something to blur out her image and get her on there but i think she appears

in the episode full face see jack man he wasn't doing it i mean he's so frustrated i love this guy

and i'm i'm really he's one of my you know really close friends when it comes you know i trust him

implicitly and you know me him brad and dwight etc a few others we work on the calls of mass

confusion thing but man he just frustrates me because that could have really made some

could have gotten some at least a little bit of traffic could have got some world star action

maybe i don't know people be like oh man you know like you know when they said that tommy

hillfiger was a racist that he had been on in the 90s this rumor started first time i heard it was

in high school i believe i was at the mall and uh we were talking uh tommy hillfiger and one guy

was like oh no man you didn't hear about tommy hillfiger he was on oprah and he said that he

He wished he'd never, you know, sold to urban people, to black people, and that he's a Nazi.

That's what I heard.

So that rumor was, like, kind of believed, kind of like the whole, the one guy with the gerbil in his ass or whatever.

But that's been specifically, like, debunked.

Like, he had never appeared on Oprah until many years later to talk about this topic itself, saying how he had never been on the show and the shit had gotten out.

So, yeah, it could be, like, something like that, though.

This is like a real situation where she's like,

Every black guy that comes here.

Alright, who cares?

Prank calls.

Alright, let's go.

Let's do this.

Let's tell people to get their shit out of here.

Can't do it at this store because it has a toll-free number listed.

Stupid.

Alright.

I believe we have a McDonald's and a Carl's Jr.

where we can pit against each other.

I like messing with the Starbucks, though.

Shit.

Let me pick a different city.

I don't like the setup of this little plaza I found here.

I'm not going to give away my secret how I look for stuff.

It's none of your business.

All right full restaurant full. So this is the kind of shit we didn't cause some ass confusion

We would do the whole we did a few get your shit out of here

I don't think they fit maybe some of it, but there was at least one good one that we did

Oh, I've got audio of this straight-up ghetto ass girl. That's kind of hard to say

Not in that way. She's being ghetto. All right, okay

I can say that and I feel bad for the uber driver here who has to deal with it

I don't know if y'all have heard this

Alright, as soon as I get off...

She's being a fucking bitch to this dude, and he's so cool and calm and collected through the whole thing.

I could not do this.

I would've started yelling, I would've like been

Squeezing, honking the horn, and hitting the steering wheel, and

HONKER!

And honking the horn real loud.

I would've done that, and I would've...

She was sitting right behind him, I think, so I would've gone back and forth real fast, real hard with the ceiling.

Forward and back, not laying it back and down.

because if you laid it back she probably put a choke hold on you but listen

listen okay say whatever you want yeah yeah all right let me let me get out here you get on my

car i'm telling you my car you're not gonna i'm not taking you nowhere you exit here

you call the cops because you're making a big scene you get on my car

you get off you want to keep on disrespecting me you get off i don't care about your boyfriend

i don't care about your boyfriend okay if you disrespect me i don't disrespect me

do not disrespect me i don't care about that you do it you're the one that's mad

this is the train station thank you get off i'm not getting out for the cops i'm not getting out

so are you gonna shut up and i'll take you to your station i was spitting your face i'm from the

You better see my shit, I'm on the daily news, nigga.

Get out, get out of my car, get out of my car.

Alright, I'm not moving.

I don't give a fuck.

Alright, so we're going to sit here.

I don't give a fuck, we're going to sit here.

I'm not moving.

You're still getting charged.

I don't give a fuck, and I'm going to report you.

Take your turn here.

No, I'm not.

You're fucking the fuck out.

You're charging me $25.

You're fucking the fuck out.

Don't disrespect me.

Yo, alright.

Don't disrespect me.

I will punch myself in the face and put a cop in jail.

You're going to jail.

Alright, thank you.

You want to play?

I don't care.

You wanna play yourself? You wanna play your quarter cops right now?

You wanna play yourself? You wanna play yourself? You wanna play yourself?

Call the f***ing cops! I'mma tell them you're holding me against no- your plate, right?

I just hit myself. I'm not taking you. You're up for domestic violence. You're gonna be tamed.

Not getting out your car. Call the cops.

I'mma start kicking the shit, you better call the f***ing cops.

I'll start kicking the shit, but I'll call the cops!

I'll start bugging out, you better call the cops, or you better move.

What's wrong with you?

Cause you bugging out, you playing with me. You playing with me, so I'll take your house.

Because you're disrespecting me.

Y'all will violate you, nigga.

You're disrespecting me.

I'll fucking violate you, stupid.

All right, go ahead.

Thank you.

Fuck out of here.

This is the train station.

You want to take the train?

Yo, you better.

I will start violating this car.

Do you want to take the train?

I will call my man and tell him that you're not taking the train.

I'll take you there if you see me.

Call my man.

What?

Call my man.

You're not breaking my car.

Call my phone down.

You're not taking me to the train.

That's not my fault.

Yo, yo, I will start bugging out.

I will start bugging out.

Throw this shit over the car.

Do you want me to take you to your address?

CALL MY MAN!

You have his number because it's his credit card and tell him!

TELL HIM!

I was taking you to your destination until you started talking shit.

I was taking you to your destination.

Why are you recording me?

I'll record you.

Why are you fucking recording me?

I'll record you.

I will record you.

You just hit me in my face.

Whatever.

You just hit me.

I will call the cops and get you locked up.

I didn't hit you.

I hit here.

Call the cops.

So don't hit my car.

Don't hit my car.

call the cops will take me to my man which one all right i'll take you to your destination if

you be quiet all right god do not disrespect me i promise you guys time for you when you get there

though okay so i'm not even going no more so see why i swear to god i'm not i'm not taking you

you call the cops i'm not moving take me i am not moving i am not moving i'm not moving

okay i don't care so call my boyfriend i'm sending another uber no you call him you call him

You don't have a charger.

All right, I'm not taking you.

I'm not taking you.

Get out of my car.

You call him.

Call him and tell me, Sammy.

All right, you want to play?

I don't care.

Call the cops.

All right.

We'll get more to that later.

More to that later, whatever that means.

That's what we'll do.

Hello, dad.

May I help you?

Hey, listen.

I work at a full restaurant.

You know a full restaurant on the other side of Home Depot?

We got your shit here.

It got delivered.

We got a lot of your shit.

Me?

We got a lot of your shit over here just got delivered to us

We got like five boxes of your shit for your restaurant. They put it here. You need to get this shit out of here

God damn it. Let me talk to the badger cuz we don't need this here. I'm throwing it out the back

It's all meat. You got a lot of meat here. I'm gonna throw it out in the back. You better come get this pork

It looks like pork. Thank you for waiting. What can I do for you? Hi stupid. My name is cross

Ross, I'm here a full restaurant?

Hello?

Yes.

Yeah, I'm a full restaurant on the other side of Home Depot.

Yes.

Yeah, we got a delivery of a lot of your shit over here.

Boxes of boxes of your shit.

There's meat, there's pork, there's curry spices in here.

You need to get your shit out of here.

I'm throwing it out.

I'm a stressed out manager.

I'm stressed out.

You understand?

We're failing.

I don't understand because I'm not sure what to do.

I throw it outside the window.

Let's go, let's go, let's go

Can you send someone

Come get boxes

Yes

What's going on, I'm finally talking to a man

Stupid woman doesn't know

You know what

You know what is god damn it

Yeah, well god damn it

What did you order

We didn't order nothing, we got a delivery here

At my restaurant for your stuff

I'm a full restaurant, other side home

Next to the bank.

I am from the restaurant.

They delivered your shit over here.

You need to get it out of here.

Who?

You.

You come get your meat.

They delivered your meat here for your restaurant to my restaurant.

Get the shit.

And what is your name?

Full restaurant.

Full Vietnamese.

No, I yell.

You call the fuck your company.

Dirty Thai.

You come get shit out of here, motherfucker.

I throw it outside.

What company?

I don't care.

It's not my company.

They come here and they buy stupid people's sign.

I got a Thai woman who works here.

She's stupid.

And she signed for it.

She's like, duh, duh, duh, duh.

And she signed.

I understand.

She's stupid.

But what company does send to you?

Do you see the paper?

You know what?

I'm throwing it out right now.

Huh?

Listen, listen.

I'm going to give this to all the people that are here working.

That's okay.

You throw it away.

Stupid asshole.

Motherfucker Thai, you.

Oh.

You stupid.

Look, look.

I got a box right here.

Oh, you did. That's okay.

I got a box of THORN!

Yeah, take it home.

Get the shit out of here. Get it all out.

Guys, get it all out. Get it all out of here.

He's stupid. He doesn't want it.

You're stupid and you don't want it.

You're stupid and you do not want it.

I have an idea. I have an idea, everybody.

I take a little bit of the set up. Stand by.

Put a little bit more of this.

You only got two minutes of footage.

I'mma tell him what to do. You hit me in my head.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You hit me in my head.

Yeah, yeah.

Almost there.

Hello?

Listen, I'm calling from restaurant.

They delivered your stuff here on accident.

We have a bunch of fish over here.

Hello?

Come on.

Come on, man.

She didn't believe me.

She didn't even let me get into it.

I'm calling from Thai Lotus restaurant on the other side of Home Depot.

You understand?

Yes, okay.

How can I help you?

They delivered a bunch of your stuff over here.

You need to get this shit out of here.

What is your restaurant name? I'm sorry.

This is Thailotus.

Thailotus. Okay, we'll send someone over there.

Listen, I don't need to have this shit delivered over here and taken up space.

I'm gonna kick the boxes. We're gonna break the boxes and take everything out of the boxes.

If you don't guess someone over here right now. Right now.

We will.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Thank you.

Let's go.

Send them to the place where they call the fool.

Cool.

There we go.

Magic carpet.

Hey, magic carpet golf?

Yes.

Is this mini golf?

Yes, it is.

You got a machine?

A machine?

Oh, I hear it.

I like machine.

What the fuck?

Lady, I hear machine.

I like.

Hello?

Hello.

Yeah, I want to make the machine go.

Okay.

Oh, listen, listen.

Woo-hoo.

Doo-doo-doo.

Whoa, the wicked noises, man.

I want to give it my money.

It doesn't take money, so you have to go to the casino for that.

Oh, what do I put it?

My dick in it?

I don't know.

what you got to put in it but that don't work here so do you have the machine that i put my

dick in no in the bathroom wall someone drill a nice hole in there i don't know maybe someone

tried but you know when guys sometimes you would guys we go to the bathroom and we see these holes

in the in the dividers and you know we stick our dicks through yeah okay but you know you girls

have a secret you guys breastfeed inside the bathroom right yeah so what's your point what

What are you calling me for?

Oh, I love that noise.

Okay, well, I'm going to hang up now because you're, like, weird.

Bye.

Okay, that was weird.

I called obsessed like a freaking drooling four-year-old about the machine sounds.

And I explained how men have glory holes in the bathrooms and how we use it.

And also that women breastfeed in the bathroom.

I think that's a thing. And I wouldn't want to be breastfeeding a kid in the bathroom.

I wouldn't walk into the bathroom with the soda if I have a soda in my hand.

Even if it's a bottle, like no, I don't like that.

Shit in the air.

Hey, how you doing?

Hey, I wanted to make an order but I need to make sure, I need to confirm something first.

Hello?

Yeah, can I order, can two men order, two men together?

Hello?

I want to make an order for two men in one bed.

You want to make an order for what?

Two men in one bed.

Okay, but I also want your Sharmuta mother there, you know, to clean my dick when I'm done.

Okay, that's fine. We can do that too. You want to fuck?

Whoa.

mechanical body and mechanical man mind he's a machine ladies and gentlemen

thank you for calling pet smart did you know that you can book your pet's grooming appointment

online visit petsmart.com and book with your favorite groomer for our store hours and location

press one for the grooming salon press two that's my grooming how can i help you yeah so my dog was

was getting groomed there and apparently you people shaved his sexual organs uh-huh what's

that about you mean we shaved his testicle his sexual organs well we do shave that it's called

a sanny yeah well we didn't want sanny we don't want you to touch his sexual organs i'm sorry

what's your dog's name uh cross hurry up let's go what's your dog's name is cross yeah let's go

hurry up let's go okay is there a man i can talk to excuse me i'm gonna have to put you on hold

there'll be a second answer the question honey baby is there a man i can talk to

hi can

i help you yeah the sexual

organs of my dog were uh touched and shaved and looked what is your dog's name it's cross it

should be under cross that's that's my last name what's your dog's name uh olmec charmuta okay we

don't have a dog like that so you know you're really ignorant and you don't know how to use

a computer whatever i don't want to keep doing that because they're going to want to verify me

me sorry bye now what was funny is when that one hey hello yeah hey i'd like to make an order

please what stupid person what because bring me back i say you're stupid bring me back just

bring me back stupid person i knew that last one doesn't want to talk to me but the first

one was all my charmuta which is kind of funny it's all right seven i'll give you seven a solid

Olmec Sharmuta, I mean, do you know what is Olmec Sharmuta? Oh

Okay, this is Indian food, correct, okay, I like to make an order

Oh, no, I thought we were spoke same language these I mean Punjabi or Bengali. What are you?

What do you speak? Do you speak Bengali?

Which one?

Okay, bench. Oh, okay bench. Oh, why is it? Do you know what is bench on like this?

Oh, because you are Bhenchod.

I wanted to see if that's how you say it.

Because you are Bhenchod.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm not.

Yeah, you are Bhenchod.

If we talk about...

And you are a fucking Lander.

Yeah, a fucking...

Scooty, yeah.

Hey, you bastard.

Okay, you...

Hey, were you born...

Did they give birth to you in the bar?

Your mother with the whiskey bottle opener?

Huh?

Hello?

Yeah, are you the blood of your father?

Yes or no?

Hello, Betty Chod, Bhenchod.

Cha-cha-chod.

Hello?

Hey, Bhenchod.

Banchot, Banchot, hello, what's that, whoa, shit got crazy there, it transferred to like the front, it was a big fucking argument dude, sounds like they thought it was someone already in the restaurant they were all fighting about, hi stupid mister, how are you Banchot, hi Banchot, how are you, one minute, well bring your sister, no, no, I don't want your sister, when I come pick up order, I want your sister with me in the bathroom to eat food together, no, I want your mom, oh, okay, well she's dead, she's dead, she's dead,

Uh, well, then...

Well, you're gonna...

You can't fuck bones.

How are you gonna fuck bones?

I fuck you, fucking...

No, you won't fuck me.

No, you fucking...

I fucking you is what happened.

No, no, no, no.

I am the one who fucks.

All right, come around then.

Okay, well, I call and fuck you then.

Okay, come around then, fucking dickhead.

Big horse dick...

Fucking bastard.

Big horse dick for you.

Fucking American bastard.

Yeah, fuck you then.

Get out of here.

Fucking American bastard.

Get out of here, piece of shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Matter of truth.

Come down you, come down your sister,

come down your family, all family, I'll fuck you, yeah?

face i'm gonna come on your face no no come in your face yeah right i'm gonna make i'm gonna

force you to eat all the food that you make for me yeah yeah yeah okay all right stupid asshole you

motherfucker you're a motherfucker too you know that hey motherfucker you

asshole yeah i know you asshole what you want to do sharmuta huh you mother of sharmuta

olmec sharmuta i said you first you first you olmec sharmuta good times good numbers

Thank you. Thank you for contributing positively today. You did a good thing today

Come on get your shit out of my restaurant

Fuck you

Hi

Hi. I got a call here about something that you had our stuff.

Is that legitimate or should I send someone? I'm in the Taco Bell.

Give me a second.

Okay. I'm confused.

I will let you talk to the owner.

Okay.

Okay. I like it when you breathe like that.

hello thank you for waiting okay hi hi how are you hi i'm at the taco bell across the street

i got a taco bell across the street they just call here and they said that you had a lot of

our lettuce that there was a guy eating lettuce there that came from us is that legitimate it

was a little it sounded like kids playing on the phone you are either they was calling us

and then keep yelling without listening they all the bad bro we don't know what exactly going on

okay he said fucking and shit yeah damn it yes yeah yeah yeah and he said uh sexual organ you

know what sexual organ is uh there you go you know yeah you can talk to my manager he was

saying something yeah okay oh yeah this uh someone called um they said they were that you had a box

of my stuff here from the taco bell and then he was saying sexual organ he said uh you know what

is it labia i guess or something labia um i don't know but you know um okay i understand okay all

right you sound a little stupid yourself you know yeah you're maybe because you're a little stupid

in the head that that was the problem okay well listen don't be calling don't call my uh my

restaurant here please sir and say those things like you did to me right okay that's me calling

Oh, it's not.

He's called me stupid?

Yeah, he called me stupid, too, and he used all the...

Yeah, he said fucking, fucking.

Please be polite to me.

I'm trying to help you.

That guy is fucked up.

Yeah, and I said to him, motherfucker, you know, like, hey, don't fuck, don't start shit with me.

I said to him, you know.

I told him, too, you know.

Yeah, okay.

I'm not your girl.

Don't fuck me.

Yeah, no fucking me and no you either.

If anyone fuck you, then I fuck them, okay?

Yeah, you know, if you want to try to call him, call the cook girl and...

Okay, who's that girl that answered your... Is that your daughter?

No, she's my employee.

Oh, okay. She sounds sexy, you know.

I wanted to maybe, you know, ask her out on a date.

But you're not her father. I need to get the permission of the father first, you know.

That's the culture. That's how you do it.

You have to ask the father for permission first, you know.

For, you know, to take on, to go to a movie together and eat restaurant food, you know.

gonna have coffee and then i gotta kiss her you know and i take off her pants and her panties

you know like that and i kiss her down there hey hey hey come on you know you like to do that i

like it too we're we like the same thing we like tuna you know that's all right talking to you

but you know i have enough fun today all right buddy it was good talking to you god bless you

all right mr tyler okay you have good food there i'm a big fan okay bye bye god bless you bye

Wow, what a great experience we just had.

What a nice little chick in here.

Man, that was weird.

He said that F word to me.

What a nice series of calls that ended up being.

So did I ever call fool?

Time, summer, and city.

I like to kick girls over in the bitty.

Whatever that means.

Thank you for calling Goodwill.

This is Dixie.

How may I help you?

Hey, Big Dix.

How you doing?

Hello?

Oh, hey, Big Dix.

I was calling.

What kind of furniture you got in there?

How's the action?

how's the heat going on uh there's quite a bit of furniture right now you got a nice end tables

in there a set of end tables i think so all right can i how can i test them out is there a return

policy or can i go there and kick them and stand on them uh no all right do you have mattresses

no we do not sell mattresses you know because that's nasty right because people have sex on it

you know yeah they they they lie on it with their exposed sexual organs and they get there's you'll

get pubic lice on there you know and you get like their labia touches the mattress their labia

majora and labia minora you know okay yeah and then their their anus hole and their perineum

area and then the men's like the the gland okay well there's furniture in here you can come in

and look okay and then a lot of men they they lay on the naked on the bed and they're you know the

The tip, the tip, very tip of the urethra is called the meatus.

It's called the meatus, the meatus.

Meatus.

It is called the meatus.

Meatus.

Well, maybe it's meatus.

I don't know how you say it.

It looks like meatus to me.

M-E-A-T-U-S.

Meatus.

That's how we say it here in America.

Hey, this is Allison.

How may I help you?

Hey, how you doing?

Good.

How are you?

Ah, shut up, you know?

You know?

It's like, shut up, you know?

There's that kind of day.

Just tell people to shut up, you know?

Turkey fried chicken?

Yeah, I wanted to ask a question about the chickens.

Well, what's the current deal?

How many spaces comes with that one deal that you have on the sign?

The $20 fill-up?

How many spaces?

He says you get eight.

No, but how many spaces is that?

What do you mean?

Spaces inside of the container.

Well, there you go.

How many spaces?

Is there a man I can talk to, maybe, that can use measurement?

Or can I use the computer?

Sir, if it's a serious question, I would like you to...

I'm sorry, honey.

Honey, I need to talk to the manager, please.

The man.

You're speaking to her.

Well, I need to speak to a man instead because you obviously don't understand.

You've got some kind of predilection about how you're going to talk to me and treat me.

No, sir.

I get a lot of calls.

Well, no.

That's not what this is.

Don't be ridiculous, okay?

I know you're probably intimidated by my sexual organs, but I really need to talk about this.

I do have your phone number, and I will call the police if you call back here.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

So I don't give you permission.

Eh.

Another call was eh.

I don't know that it's gonna get any better than the Thai restaurant today passing a lot of stores

I'm just not getting any ideas

99-cent only stores

Barnes & Noble, how about

Check the action in the bathroom or we can do a order

Been a while since I've done this

Every day even in the cafe and on the large selection of clearance in the store

Are you not a member? Then ask a bookseller to sign up today.

And also, for up-to-date information on events and specials throughout the store,

you can find us on Facebook.

How the fuck did they record this? Jesus Christ.

Sounds like it's like in a really shitty, off of a really shitty answering machine.

...operation are from 9 a.m. to 10 p.m. every day.

Please remain on the line to speak to an available bookseller.

With the double message?

Please hold while I try that extension.

The triple message?

good afternoon i'd like to make an order please do i uh is it possible to speak to a man i'm sorry

i can't hear you is it possible to speak to a man it is possible uh i need to make an order

are you capable of using a computer and using you know thought putting thoughts together would

you like to talk to a manager well is it a man or a woman manager i have no idea well can you

find out and come back and tell me please hold on okay honey my life is not does not like quick

to try to pass this off the fucking sound effects are not for holding this is marissa

uh i was asking to talk to a man well we actually don't have a man in the store right now can i help

you oh maybe that's what the problem is here you think i don't i don't know what can i help you

with well um i was calling to make an order and i okay i just was asking for help to talk to a man

and the woman's like i don't understand i don't get it my menstruation she started saying i don't

understand why she even brought that up okay well what can i look up for you to order uh there's a

book title should i just give you i just have the title right now yeah that's fine i'm not sure how

you spell it it's called it's um but i don't know how you spell it maybe ugh it's like

what was that noise that you did did you clicked your tongue oh no i didn't i'm sorry did you do

the whole when you like when you're looking up you go like that there did you do that anything

anything did you just do that some people do that sometimes do you ever do that you go no you did it

you were looking it up and you're like oh i didn't even realize if i did i'm sorry but why why do you

think you do that what in your subconscious you think makes because your subconscious tells you

to do that in order to get your mind off of something is it just the way do you have father

issues no i didn't i'm just looking the book up for you were you sexually abused or something

did someone touch your sexual organs i'm gonna have to put you on hold well you don't have a

man there see that's why i was saying i need to talk to a man because now you're gonna get all

offended oh and this is trisa oh hi you're the third woman i talked to yeah are there no men

there um no there's nobody that can help you sir i'm sorry well that's fine you can help me but

do you know how to use computer i do do you have you know desk and keyboard and screen and the

The tower and mouse.

Do you know?

Yeah, what can I help you with?

Could you look up a title for me, please, on the computer?

With mouse and keyboard and the screen and the tower.

You know how to put it in, whatever you do.

You know how to do it?

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

I don't think I'm going to be able to help you.

You can.

You can if you try, honey.

You can.

If you really try, I believe in you that you can help me.

I think I fixed the sound effect.

Let's find out.

Getting better?

Let's try Frank again.

Daddy, I can't stand this.

I can't stand this.

I'll shoot you in your tracks, you motherfuckers.

Yeah, fuck.

I think that's it.

I think we got it.

I mean, seriously, get real.

Well, yeah, some of them are louder than the others.

Maybe that's part of the issue.

All right, someone asked, and I forget who, where, when, how long ago.

Someone asked to do one of those calls.

Do you have clothes for fat people?

So I can look for a clothing store around here.

Let's see.

All right, yeah.

Yeah.

Thank you for calling Lane Brain Outlet.

This is Kayla.

Hey, how you doing?

I'm good.

How are you?

Hey, Kayla.

I had just wondering, do you have clothes for fat girls, fat women?

We have clothes for heavier set women, yes.

But specifically just like fat girls, you know?

Yes, clothes for that would be a heavier set woman.

I'm not saying that, though.

Is there a man I can talk to maybe that might understand a little better?

this is a no there's not a man that works here plus size clothing is what we sell that's what

the problem is oh so you don't have a wonderful day you don't have clothes for fat people at all

i mean you know yep calling lane brian this is marissa how can i help you hey big marissa how

you doing i was calling to see if you had clothes for fat women uh yes okay good good um how big a

girl do they go up to our sizes are 14 through 26 okay that's pretty big that's pretty big

yeah that's sad that's sad very sad all right that's all i got there you go as as requested

and delivered thank you for calling sears outlet stores where you can buy sears quality merchandise

at outlet prices we are open extended hours seven days a week for this location exact hours please

visit the store info link on sears outlet.com our store is located at three of you're calling

for parts or repair service, please call 800-469-4663.

If you need to speak to an associate, please hold and someone will be with you momentarily.

One moment, please.

Budlet Sparks, this is Dennis.

How can I help you?

Hey, this is Mechanical Man.

Are you the manager?

No, I'm not.

Can I speak to the manager?

You've got some really good pipes on you.

Can I speak to the manager?

Oh, yeah.

Hang on one second.

What was your name?

Cross.

Cross?

Yeah.

All right.

Hello, this is Wayne.

yeah hey how you doing big guy good sears outlet uh how are you how are you how are you feeling

you okay yeah yeah can i help you with uh yeah because i mean the like we're pretty much gonna

lose our jobs here soon what's that we're pretty much gonna lose our jobs here soon uh sears

workers you know are you a worker i'm a yeah i'm a 15 year guy where do you work at i used to work

at a mall and then i moved up now i work in the corporate office i'm on i'm on the it team so i'm

on the road a lot you know yeah things are pretty fucked up man like the last i heard you know

there's going to be another round of closings coming up and uh you guys are one of them that's

why they had me dispatched out here you know yeah now are you do you think you're talking to the

sears store sears outlet yeah yeah i just i just read on the letterhead it's coming out i don't

think we're closing this store well it's i mean you're not going to close immediately but i think

it's in three weeks no way it's at the end of the quarter yeah you're you're one you're on the

the round our quarter just ended yeah this is the first week of uh so i'm saying this yeah this is

the last quarter is what i'm saying at the end of the quarter yeah and a quarter two and this

we're in the first week of quarter two so i'm saying at the end of quarter two this store here

is going to be on the round it's going to be uh it's it's in it's in line to get closed yeah

they're pulling out completely out of nevada market that's interesting warehouse nope they're

keeping the warehouse for logistics is staying and i think there's a couple call centers somewhere

here but that's about that's all they're doing in nevada and that's about it yeah i just i mean i

thought i'll let you know you know i guess there's a there's a meadow creek mall they're going they're

closing i just i'm here now at the meadow creek um i'm getting i'm working on starting getting

the t1s ready to get disconnected so yeah but uh i think you're you're up later in the week i'm just

i'm done working for the day i'm in the hotel room i've had a couple beers and i just started

feeling really bad i got the whole list of all the places i gotta hit up uh there's a kmart and

sparks that's uh that's where i'm going to be at tomorrow i'm going to start prepping their t1

letting them know i'm going to let the manager know their store manager and the loss prevention

clerk loss prevention guy i got a meeting with him too to let him know because they're going to

have to start uh reducing back on loss prevention also all loss prevention is being outsourced

via camera link no one on floor anymore because it's the high liability that's

gonna be mandatory across the whole company all Kmart Sears and Sears

essentials the ones that are left operation than we are I will know but as

far as loss prevention they're under the same umbrella no we have our own yeah I

don't know but that's what I'm saying it's just all they're introducing

complete outsourcing everywhere among the entire Sears umbrella see we're not

under the sears umbrella you're not we haven't been for four years you're saying the outlets

this outlet store isn't under the sears uh sears holdings no we are absolutely not part of sears

holdings haven't been for four or five years for the last year well you need to get on the horn

because they're they supposedly they got you down here for me to prep the t1s on monday to get out

oh okay yeah there's already an order with the local exchange provider here i guess there's a

sears warehouse holding that stays as i'm telling you logistics is staying and everything

but retails out of the state completely out how you'll get you're gonna get the I guess you're gonna send an email out tomorrow and

Facts to some locations are still relying on facts and when you log in it'll probably be there, too

Well, thanks for the heads up. Hey, nope. No problem. No problem. Good luck to you out there, too

You know, all right. All right. Well, what do you what do you think's gonna happen?

You know as far as you think we're gonna we're gonna pull out because I was thinking about getting a new car

But I mean now we're leaving Nevada. That's why I'm here. I don't know what state's next, you know

Yeah, I don't know. They're trying here. They're talking Bob. I will I will know they're talking about closing one in Elgin, Illinois

That's that's right in your home. You know, yeah, that's right near headquarters. So yeah, it's bad. Things are bad

Who do you work for? I work for international business machines. I'm a contractor through Sears Holdings

so

when are

you the elgin illinois oh the one at meadowood mall oh well that's not going to happen until

end of q2 is what i'm saying quarter two but tomorrow uh they're they're gonna basically

give out the it's called final strategy i guess it's called really big on the letterhead

it's there i i guess it's regarding marking down of um it's at least 20 on everything some items

they're going up 60 to 80 and all appliances are going for 60 off um but i'll there's a lot

Most electronics are just going to get picked up and shipped back out to other locations.

But the overhead is the worst right now.

The amount of inventory.

I'm sure you've got a lot of inventory probably right now.

Not really.

I know.

You're about to get a lot.

I'll tell you that much.

Warehouses, at least.

I don't know about you.

I don't think they're going to keep retail going.

I think it's just going to be the warehouse.

As far as I know, Nevada, logistics only.

There's no reason for a warehouse here in the building.

Well, they've got a whole different regional shift.

they're calling it paradigm shift 2017 and it's a it's it's it's something did

you hear it's called refocus 2020 they're saying but by 2020 to become

profitable again is the big goal that they're gonna have announced yeah I know

yeah but Lambert Edward Lambert he's gonna be we have nothing to do with

yeah there's holding Edward Lambert's good you know Edward Lambert right sure

he's money man yeah yeah Eddie Eddie yeah Eddie Lambert he's gonna be it's

it's good it's called that refocus 2020 so by 2020 the goal is to have um serious holding

holdings uh you know back profitable again on the books in the black because we haven't been

profitable since once uh since what uh 2008 i think 2010 something like that i don't know we're

not part of what you were back then you were back then you guys got lucky but i it's they're just

they're shutting they're shutting off the entire pipe stream into the outlets are getting it's

getting closed it's gone they're gonna handle it at the remaining retail store level it's called

refocus 2020 auto centers are going out yeah you guys are going out vision is good uh they're

they're gonna have um pearl vision is coming in to replace all uh all the vision uh location

any location has a vision area they got a contract where pearl vision is going to come in and start

handling it pearl vision is going to reduce their footprint and they're going to start uh using that

okay well well hey good luck like i said good luck to you know i don't know you know maybe

they'll transfer you i don't know but from what i understand the entire supply chain line to the

outlets is done but i mean you'll still be open for a while i'm sure you guys are probably get

some really cheap stuff i don't know i know the warehouse stays i know there's a there's a couple

uh call centers that are going to stay but you guys yeah well you'll find out tomorrow and like

i said eddie edward lambert's going to be making it's a whole thing it's coming out monday refocus

2020 forward a lot all right good luck to you buddy and sorry and sorry for you

to hear it this way yeah yeah all right see you later good luck

bye hey if you believe it or not and I'll be right back

need like five six minutes we call you whatever you just hit me I'll call the

cops and get you locked up so don't hit my car all right I'll take you to this

this nation if you be quiet I do not disrespect me okay so I'm not even going

no more I swear to God I'm not I'm not taking you you call the cops I'm not

moving take me I am NOT moving I am NOT moving I'm not moving no you call him

you call him I'm not taking you I'm not taking you get out my car you call him

You want to tell me, send me, all right, you want to play?

I don't care.

Call the cops.

All right, we're going to sit here.

You only got two minutes of footage.

I'm going to tell them what you hit me.

You hit me in my face.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You hit me in my face.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And my boyfriend knows we was arguing.

Whatever.

I'm not taking you.

Okay, thank you.

My boyfriend's going to think you hit me.

You really playing with me.

I don't care.

You can make up any lies you want.

I'm not taking you.

No way.

I'm not.

You want to call the cops, you call the cops.

You have an issue.

Whatever, man. I'm not taking you.

Okay, watch. So I'm going to sit right here.

You threatening me? You hit me?

No, I did not hit you.

I'm not taking you.

So I'm going to sit right here.

You're going to call the cops.

We're going to sit right here.

Yeah, we're going to sit here.

You got a problem, you call the cops.

I'm not taking you.

I'm going to start screaming out the window that you're raping me.

That you're raping me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is what people have to do.

You tried to touch my vagina.

You dirtbag.

Thank you.

I'm married. I don't do that shit.

All right, good for you.

I'm married and I'm a loyal husband.

I don't do that yeah right I'm not taking you you call the cops I'm not

moving I told you okay thank you thank you thought you see me you see me drive

it you see me drive it you think I'm nobody so you think I don't gave you on

a daily news you like that with your boyfriend not with me you don't know me

me you do not know me all right so don't talk to me don't disrespect me thank you

thank you thank you thank you I appreciate it get out my car now we're

gonna see here why should I call him because now you try me stranded yeah you

You shouldn't, you shouldn't be talking, you shouldn't, you shouldn't be talking shit.

You shouldn't be disrespecting me.

You disrespect me, I'm not taking you.

And you threatening me, you telling me if I get there, that it's something waiting for me.

So I'm not going.

I don't care how much you make, I don't care how much you make.

You say he's trying to threaten me, you don't need to threaten me.

But you're trying to leave me stranded.

Knowing he paid already and I'm trying to, and I have a phone to call him.

I'm not taking you.

Okay, so call him and tell him.

I'm not calling nobody.

yeah sure you could go over there or somebody to call the cop I'm not I'm not

moving you should you shouldn't be talking yeah I don't mind I work for

myself okay I'm self-employed you're missing you're missing it now yeah thank

I got all your information.

Thank you.

Go ahead.

And I'm getting out of your car, and I'm going to buy it.

You can show it to the cops.

If you do whatever you got to do.

Hi.

Do whatever you got to do.

I got you.

Hi, good for you.

Yeah.

Good for you.

I'll kick your phone in your face.

Yeah, get out of my car.

Get out of my car.

Excuse me, can you call the cops, please?

My phone is dead.

He won't call the cops.

Please call the cops.

Yeah, go ahead.

I won't watch.

Can you call the cops?

Police, yeah.

Call police, yeah.

Police, yeah.

Go ahead.

I don't care.

the doors I've been I've been working for over two years I never had a

problem yeah so get out you never take a uber you said that's your first time so

go back if I don't have a charger I like you asked me I'll politely tell you I'm

sorry i don't have a charger and you start disrespecting me okay cool all right get out

my car you could you have a phone how am i how am i gonna charge your phone if i don't have a

charger how okay how i don't have to have a charger i don't have an iphone i don't have to

have a charger okay you do that's part of you know no i'm not supposed to i'm supposed to take

you from point a to frame b i'm not supposed to give you a charger okay okay good for you

so get out my car man i'm not taking you miss i'm not taking you away

get out my car report tlc report to anybody you want i'm not taking you

see the stupid this is why you don't take who right see what she did stupid bronx

speech see people you see females right I'm not I'm not saying yeah all the

females though some bitches like this fucking thought this is uptown New York

man bro bro shut the fuck up I was trying to says I should have just taken

my break how about them casino machines I think I'm just gonna end it soon here

to be honest and I just took a break blah blah blah I'm always talking shit

Always apologizing for myself, you know me

Atlantis Casino Resorts, Paul, this is Nikita

Blah, blah, blah, how you doing?

Doing well, how are you doing?

Uh, well, you know, hmm

And how may I help you?

Oh, my friend Matt, I think, wants to talk to you

Uh, I think you, uh, do you have, uh, ashtrays?

Let me connect your call to the front desk to request one

Oh, oh, yeah

Any more time, any more time

Atlantis Casino Resorts, Paul, welcome to your call, let me assist you

Hey, can you send some ashtrays up here to Matt Hellock's room?

Yeah, just a couple

What room?

210.

Pardon me?

210 there, Chief.

Excuse me?

Dang it.

I'm playing with...

Play...

Calm your tits.

I'm playing with my microphone.

Uh, 210.

In state-of-the-art cardio theater...

Why'd he get mad at you?

You called him a kid.

He must be Indian or something.

Good evening, Atlanta Security Dispensers.

Zach, how can I help you?

Hey, asshole.

Oh, hey.

It's the fake pigs.

Hey, how you doing, asshole?

Hello.

Can I help you?

Yeah, how you doing, asshole?

I was talking.

We were trying to get some, um...

how you doing man i just woke up from a nap and mob seven's telling me you're on and shit i was

sending you a message on facebook earlier like you when you going on you going on oh i just

mister i thought you were around listening welcome to your call this is shenetta hi can

you pull me through to the where are these ashtrays lady effeminate man for ashtrays at

the front desk my pleasure one moment please resort room type ask for an upgrade great

Beep bop boop boop

I am a robot

Beep bop boop

I am a robot

You don't got no tiny chat going or nothing Carlito

What are you doing man

I'm gonna do this accent

Hello

Thank you for calling front desk this is Joey how may I assist you

I was talking to an effeminate

Where's the effeminate guy we were talking to a minute ago

It was an effeminate man we were talking to

And he put us in a security

Just because my friend called him chief

How can I help you guys?

Oh, well, I guess we can go through you.

Matt, what did you want?

Ashtrays?

We wanted a couple ashtrays up to the fucking room,

but we wanted to talk to the little fruity guy

because we wanted him to bring them up

because we, you know, he caught my eye earlier.

What room are you in?

210, bud.

Okay.

Thank you so much.

Are you bringing them?

Are you going to send the little faggot up with them?

Absolutely.

Thank you so much.

Did something happen in room 210

that they don't talk about it or something?

i'm sure there's a there's a murder suicide in that room

they must know about it uh i'm in uh tinychat.com slash zax intel if anybody wants to come hang out

there and look at my stupid mug zax with a z yes now if you get another you caught me i'm already

a little sobered up as taking a nap dude that sounds like so much effort oh my

god I can't believe your job is answering phones really yes how can you

help you you can bring us up some ashtrays or rich room sir 210 there and

you might want to go to addiction coach before you answer the phone anymore in

in your career.

Mr. Easter, what was the room number

for the ashtray?

210.

That is not a room number

at our property.

All day, every day.

What are you saying?

I'm a fucking ghost?

I'm going to have to end this call, sir.

Bye, boo.

You don't like ghosts, huh?

Because it sounds a little

too close to spook?

They don't like choof.

Gee, choof.

They don't like choof.

And they don't like ghosts.

Bless you.

Easy peasy Japanesey.

Do I need to click on Nashville?

I don't.

I think he's, no, he's doing it, he's good

Okay

Did you just wake up and start burping like that, or did you have a beer machine?

Oh, well, I was, I've been drinking since like one in the afternoon

Then took a little nap, and then, uh, and then I got up and I had a beer sitting here

And then people are messaging me, telling me you're on, and I was like, cheesy peasy

Let's get on

Let's get Ardeli on

See if I can hang around

and then I heard you

and you're like

I'm about to end it

because people are

talking shit

fuck the goddamn fans

yeah fuck people

yeah honestly

hey is this the restaurant

or is this the casino

I am the operator

oh hey operator

how you doing honey

I am the operator

with my pocket calculator

remember that song

I think they know us

good evening

I'm the security

this is Zach

I'm here to help you

hey it's you again

how you doing

Mr. Feminist Security Guard

oh this is the fake pigs again

I like that he's supposed to be

intimidating

Jesus Christ

I'm gonna arrest you guys

yeah don't be upset

alright listen we got transferred to you over

remember I told you who's the effeminate guy

at the front desk of the hotel part

I don't know sir how can I help you

the cute one

the cute guy

he sounds like he has freckles

light skin mixed raised

freckles afro oh little afro little afro not excessive but cute uh it's called the low fro

oh is it okay my bad i'll take your word for it didn't you didn't you see the uh the thing where

they brought those like island guys to live in america for a while they wanted i don't know

whatever they from they were from like some pacific island that navy guys were there back

in the day some guy that they called tom navy and wanted to bring their message peace to president

obama and anyways they got a haircut and they're like this is what's called a low fro because you

get it looking good man so they seriously called it a loafer okay it's nice close but

whatever um how come those people don't need it so wait a minute how come they don't need

haircuts in the wild like this yeah yeah yeah like it only gets so big right yeah like tribal

communities they don't get that huge i don't know i don't know how they do it it's weird

it is weird it's all weird these as is you like to call them mud people i don't never use that

I use shitskin

Outback Steakhouse

Here we go

No I don't

Jesus Christ

Oh dude

Since you weren't seeing my messages today

I got an excellent rip of Bill and Ted

On that Cinetop

I did see that

Oh my god

Bloody crocs

I remember when we used to

Prank all these stupid outbacks

With Tristan on the line

He said he needs to say, like, he's Australian, so he just wants to come in to run the place.

Hey, Big Andy, how you doing?

I'm good, how are you?

Let's, uh, God, I want to make an order, please.

Pardon?

I want to make an order, please. I'm in the casino right now.

Okay, uh, let me grab Dustin for you, and he'll take down your order, okay?

Alright, asshole.

Dusty.

Alright, no problem.

Get a rail of Dusty.

Yeah, I remember Tristan

Like I'm a proper Australian

I just manage the place

Oh yeah, we thought the

Bloomin' Onions were very funny

He had never heard of such a thing

Well, it's like, uh, like on C-Lab, the fucking, the cowabunga, the fucking onion, the onion

verse for grizzle bees.

Cowabunga, it's got to be funky.

I'm gonna get another brew.

G'day, mate.

You want one?

You want me to get you anything?

Beer enema.

A beer enema.

I need a hose, I need a funnel, and a beer.

Oh my god.

Dude, a beer enema.

That would, um...

Like, when it's...

Imagine a bubble and a tickle

and it would be terrible.

Or maybe highly erotic.

Steve-O did it in one of those jackass movies.

Steve-O did all kinds of crazy shit.

He's so fucking preachy now.

Like, he just had surgery and shit.

I'm like, I'm not taking in painkillers, man.

And I'm like, that's just stupid.

Don't hang it.

17 hertz and spices.

My mouth's watering just thinking about them.

Copy to Outback and join your mates for some down under fay.

Check out our new zips and snacks menu featuring bloom petals and coconut shrimp.

Pairs perfectly with a frosty cold draft beer or our Aussie rum punch.

Available all day, every day.

Rum punch.

This is Dustin with the Reno Outback curbside takeaway.

How may I help you?

Hey, I'm in the casino.

Yay.

You looking to place an order?

Yeah.

Can I get going for you?

One meat?

We have several choices.

I think we have a six-pound filet mignon.

I don't need any upgrades.

I just need one meat.

I'm not exactly sure what we are asking for.

I don't like your chuckle, okay?

It's really getting me bummed out.

Dude.

Your fucking chuckle.

Matt, this guy's chuckle is really fucking bumming me out.

Chuckle?

Yeah, he's all chuckles when I say I want one meat, and I can't work with people like

Is he doing that, like, that stupid laugh?

Like that.

I don't know what to say at some point I'm gonna say I can't help you sir and

I'm gonna hang up is that what you're trying is that you're out dusty oh we

finally got a hold of dusty hey dusty can I get a really didn't put you guys

on hold unless you speak with the manager here we go hey is your is your

avatar is that taft yeah you win oh my god I don't know how I knew that maybe

have you told me that before?

Baddest president ever.

Baddest and greatest president of all time.

Like Trina?

The baddest bitch?

Bad.

Bad, man.

Down the bomb, I'm trying to get you to be able to play your video.

Should be okay.

I'm not quite sure.

Bill and Ted, we gotta do that.

Bill and Ted.

We can do it today, man.

Brad was upset that he thought he had missed it,

So if you let him know now, maybe I'll be well last night we did but he didn't answer we didn't watch it

But we could have watched Kevin way with us

That was super fun. Gee, it's a good for holding this. Thank you for holding it. I'm gonna help you. Hey Josie

How you doing? I'm doing why you don't terrible. I'm in the casino. I wanted to make an order and they put me through to the manager

I don't understand. Okay. Yeah, I'm one of the managers. Okay. All right, so right I wanted to order one meat

Okay, what kind of meat would you like, sir?

Hot meat.

Okay, well, we are a steakhouse.

There you go.

Sounds good.

We have different...

Okay.

We have different...

Sounds good.

Sounds good, yeah.

One meat.

Steak meat.

Okay, well, unfortunately, that doesn't give me a full description.

Beef steak.

Protein.

Okay, I understand that.

We have a New York.

We have a filet.

We have prime ribs.

80%.

Okay.

I can't understand you, sir.

Well, I'm at the casino, you know, asshole.

whole, you know, this casino town.

You don't want to go for that flank steak

bullshit. Go for something nice

like the London Broil.

Give me that Dijon. Okay, well, unfortunately,

sir, we're not going to be able to take your order

today. Have a great afternoon.

You said that you can't. You said you won't. I won't.

Where's our buddy Dusty at?

I'm not going to let you talk to me

that way. It's just one curse word. I'm sorry.

You can just order someone else. I'm sorry.

Come on. It was just one curse word.

Unfortunately, you can just take a business somewhere else.

Rabbi. Rabbi. What kind of rabbi you have?

Come on.

Have a great afternoon.

Rib eye, please.

It's a garbage restaurant.

Yeah, it is.

Corporate bullshit restaurant.

Garbage chain.

That's where you go if you're a shitty son to take your mom for tomorrow.

You're atheist.

Do you not believe in Mother's Day, Matt?

No, it's cool.

Would you get your mom a drawing?

A back roll?

No, I might.

I might.

Do a little something to a sister and her husband and the kids are here today.

It was nice.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I got to see the little guy.

Your sister, she's a mom.

This is her mother's day for her, too.

Yeah, yeah.

That means she developed all okay.

She's sexually active, productive.

She has a job.

Very.

That seems very fertile at that.

Nice, nice.

You know, popped two kids up.

Cool, good.

That's good to know.

You got good sexual organs.

You want to call Kmart?

Sure.

I'm sorry, that's inappropriate.

You shouldn't talk about a sister like that.

Dude, I don't give a fuck, man.

You're talking to me.

i think other people might take offense you know yeah yeah still you know it's weird it's weird

weird i'll stop the casino magic here

guy would have just took you for a ride you know like be like whatever their fanciest shit is and

be like this guy just ordered meat you know like just get the get the credit card number like

that's what i don't understand like a drunk weirdo in a casino like you'd want to fucking

and trick them or take advantage of them you know yeah it's customers if you're a phone sex

operator back in those days you know the credit card over oh yeah dude that's how i used to test

out cars when i used to uh card things to see if the card was still active call smut lines

and order some tickets from ticket master like i'm saying this is no irony i like the part of

the show where the phones ring we get dom on a bus or some shit in tiny chat like this cat

or no he's not they don't have seatbelts on buses oh no they don't really he's got it

why don't they you know they could i know that's what that's what tells you the whole thing's

garbage you know like if they don't put seatbelts on school buses the seatbelts are scam they can

put them on airplanes they can put them on school buses just saying right yeah they should we should

uh we should start a thing like a campaign to get school buses seat belts for school buses that's

what we'll call it we'll just have a donation bin somewhere belts belts of love hi thanks for

calling walgreens at the southeast corner of el rancho and audi in sparks al rancho cucamonga

I'm Matt Hillock

Right, I'm Matt Hillock

That's what I should say

Look at me, I'm stupid

I'm a brain lazer

Right

It's crazy to think I'm legitimately brain damage

This computer's been listening to us the whole time

There's a photo department

Cosmetics department's always rolling over

Just so you know, the stores open till 10 p.m. tonight, and tomorrow they're open from

8 a.m. to 10 p.m.

Why does Cosmetics get its own line?

Please remain on the line to speak with a member of our staff.

Why does Cosmetics what?

It gets its own line.

I can't hear you that good.

It gets its own line.

Cosmetics always gets its own line.

Like, what's up with that?

Oh, because, like, you know broads, they're very unattractive in real life, so they gotta

put makeup all over their face to, like, mask themselves.

They're like,

like don't look at

me without my face on we're sorry this department is not available you are being transferred to the

next available department nobody's thinking about cosmetics man your shit was just wrecked

they're the myspace of walgreens department dude i still go mine by myspace

this is jonathan speaking how am i hey i want to talk to is this the cosmetics department

i was looking to speak to somebody in cosmetics sure one moment please

hey listen it's my song man

opus number three cisco whole music the song that you fought for the right to get

i did i got i got in a beef with the the composer of the song and all the way to the

and he uh he took the stripe off because like he uh like it was freely available everywhere

and uh let's go and um like he wouldn't care about it but he tried is this finally the cosmetics

yeah cool carlito get your cosmetics buddy oh hey i'm glad i'm talking to a woman since you

do cosmetics um my girl you know about that stuff i told you i have a girlfriend who has a skin

problem uh-huh oh she's not my girlfriend yet you understand but i thought maybe i'd get her

some items for her skin problem and um uh well so you're looking for some problem uh some items

yeah well she has a skin problem maybe you have it sounds like maybe you have the same skin problem

do you know what i mean uh what kind of skin problem does she have well let's just say that

i wouldn't want my family to see me with her with this skin problem that she has okay let me go uh

like i'm true to somebody else right now they would think i'm somebody less like maybe i'm

dating down you know oh okay because of her skin being darker you know okay so what are you trying

to find exactly all right well she's like brown skin you know like latina and if my parents see

it you know it's gonna be a big problem you know i use something like maybe you have the same skin

problem if you know what i mean i want her to look lighter than she i want her to look more normal

like me hello yeah i want this hello i want the girl to look more normal like me and not like she

has a skin problem that my parents won't like what do you need she looks like she has a really good

suntan do you know what i mean but she doesn't what you're looking what you're looking for well

i want her skin to look normal well i cannot say that if you want your is that your friend or who's

that well i want her to be my girlfriend but not if she looks like that you know because my family

will say no you're dating that kind of people those people you know okay so I'm sexually

attracted to her sexual organs like she has big nice bosoms and buttocks no you have to talk to

your girlfriend if that there's that's an issue I mean you have to talk to your parents we can't

do anything about here in our store because we only tell stupid is there an American I can speak

to no if you want to make your skin we cannot unlike you know we cannot say something because

Because there's different kind of skin type.

There's oily, dry skin.

Oh, dark, like Hispanic skin.

Dark kind of, you know.

Brown, nasty, dirty.

Yeah, if you want, you can bring the girl over here so we can see what she needs, too.

Yeah, all right.

Can you fix her accent?

She speaks kind of like you do, you know.

Like that all the time.

And she needs to not do that because you're like all those look how those people talk disgusting people

Yeah

You just bring you your the only thing I like about her is her sexual organs really to be honest with you

That's all I like about her because they're nice. They're bigger than like the normal women

Well, I mean, that's what I said you can ask her if you want her like inside a beauty

She can wear makeup or anything. There's a lot of stuff if you want her skin

wait a minute wait a minute wait you said inside her makeup she can do a lot of beauty

what does that mean no for for uh if you want like no no uh what i'm trying to say

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no i had to get out of that let's get her back

now we gotta go through the whole rigmarole of uh oh it's gonna take a minute to get the

Cosmetics again, huh?

Cosmetics.

I can just say my boyfriend called a minute ago for skin lightening cream for me.

Okay, I'm connecting you to someone who can help.

Just so you know, doors open till 10 p.m. tonight.

And tomorrow, they're open from 8 a.m. to 10 p.m.

Please remain on the line to speak with a member of our staff.

Oh, what's this?

Where's the good Cisco music?

Thank you for calling Walgreen's.

How can I help you?

yeah hey there lady can i get the cosmetics department my fellow was just talking to a

lady over there and we've got an issue with this skin whitening cream we're trying for you right

now god bless there we go everybody should go watch my video i've posted it in the chat a few

times go watch it give me a thumbs up boom boom hep fuck yeah numbers hep we haven't said hep in

a minute ever hep hep i want to hear the original hep call it was fun that's what it was fun is fun

there needs to be a hep a hep mix of the song oh hey people are saying i should ask on my show

So any people out there that are hackers in GTA 5 on Steam,

I'm looking for a bunch of millions of dollars

to buy myself a fancy apartment in the round thing.

My name is Hillax666 with a zero on Skype.

If anybody can hook me up.

Or on Steam, sorry.

Because I almost bought a fucking shark card for 40 bones

for like millions of dollars the other day.

But then I was like, that's crazy.

It's Hacksource.

I'm gonna let this go

Oh whoa what's ringing

Oh here he is

Cosmetics

Hello

Cosmetics

Heel

And

Sexual organs

Remember in uh

Yeah everybody's saying

Do a show

I don't think I'm gonna do a show later

Thanks

Uh

Dwight is doing a show

He's putting uh

Yeah see

People are messaging me

Telling me to do one

Um

No

I can do one now

You can do one

But Zax isn't around so

Yeah

He is around

I just don't

Fucking

again i don't feel like you're in charge of this shit right now you're not on i got you i got i

understand you know you know it's stressful man doing that shit you're doing it right now you're

doing it all by yourself oh yeah like i'm palpitating oh yeah panicking i keep smelling

like my left wrist i don't know i've had that since i was a kid i sniffed my left wrist when

i'm nervous it's really weird his ex heard his name he said and it's awkward in him sweet little

Sexy Zax

Zax is like

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh

Ah

Zax, Zax should join

Where is he?

Is he on?

Yeah

He said he's going to bed

But

Let's drag him in

He drag him in

It's, you know

It's stressful

We can say goodnight to him

Cute little guy

It's stressful for me

Drag him in

There he is

Okay

Oops

I hung up on him

When he picked up

You're like

Fuck you

You little guy

Hey Zax

You're so sleepy

Yay

Sleepy baby

Little boy

I just want to hug you

and kiss you while you sleep I'd like just I'd like to braid your hair while

you keep your head just resting on my crotch I'll have so much for lay on my

lap I will have so much fun brains access

have you seen this hair you see in person yeah I've IRL see this area is

this cosmetic department because we've been a hold for quite a while did they

pick it up because she went to the back or something was there something I could

can help you with uh well i wanted to talk to the lady in the cosmetics department because she gave

my fella here some like she he was looking for a skin like lightning cream for me because he

doesn't like that i look like a mud person but she wouldn't help him and he just made this thing

with hydrogen peroxide and like ajax and it's burning my eyes so i wanted to talk to her and

like like see if we can just get regular skin lightening cream because this is being an issue

like i can hardly see i'm like crying look i've been smoking the mary jane back in the day you

know yeah um does it have any instructions on the back for what you should do if you get it in your

eyes oh no no no i'm like it's it's kind of all right at the moment but i'm what i'm looking for

is like a permanent

solution because he's going to try this again

when he gets home. So like

if I can get real skin lightening

cream, then he won't

do this backwoods, whatever.

He's making up. He's

kind of a jerk, but I love him.

So if I

could, I spoke to a lady

earlier in cosmetics.

I think that was the manager.

She's been running around

where we're kind of...

Alright, I'm fine hanging out in the hall for a minute.

I like that music.

That's the opus number three, you know.

Oh, yeah.

Well, that's pretty good.

Let me run down the aisle, see if I can see.

God bless you, buddy.

I'll let you know.

One second.

One moment, please.

Cheers.

Yeah.

Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum.

How you doing, Zach?

Are you going to be around Monday?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's Monday.

Everything's cool.

We're back on schedule, man.

Thank God, yeah.

why are you about to tell me you're not gonna be here no i'll be here yeah everything's good man

carlito's still creeping through the servers for us trying to get download numbers for us i gotta

turn it on or something and it's not going to be accurate except for from after when i turn it on

i'm really sorry i had no idea i wasn't tracking this whole time don't be sorry no i am because i

want to know now like my stuff and who's you know dwight i have a responsibility fiduciary

your responsibility you're like you're like a mama bird sitting on a bunch of little eggs

of shows big mama chicken

big big taft the fucking head

he's striking his skin like we could do another call i'm gonna leave that on hold i'll check

occasionally okay yeah yeah yeah i don't think it's going anywhere yeah i don't think so

but you never know sometimes it works out we end up with two together and it gets weird again

you what you got zach what do you got big guy i got a second fanta from mcdonald's for free

yeah me too an accident yeah yeah yeah that's sugar water bad for it man

stick with beer and water that's a nazi drink you know infamous double ring no it's neat when they

They line up that way, innit?

Yeah, one long ring.

Hey, how you doing?

Lucky Beaver, yay!

Yay!

Yay! Hey, uh, can you send me some, uh, uh, ashtrays?

Zach's needing some ashtrays, he's going to sleep.

And he doesn't want to, like, leave ashes on the ground and start a fire.

Is there a light? Is the light crossed here?

Put them on the side of the bed, you know, one on either side of the bed,

so whichever way I roll, there's just a nice little choo-choo-choo to the ash.

Hello, sir.

sir hey walgreens how you doing good so um you got uh i we have three from what it looks like

um all of them kind of seem like they would be uh all of them say don't get it in your eyes

pretty much okay i can't even just whatever man hey thanks for looking yeah that's really good

good on you yeah he's a cool guy yeah just thanks man i'm just gonna tell this guy to stop burning

of my eyes maybe time for me to get a new fella yeah you have a good you have a good night and

good luck counting down your drawer and then the chef you know hope you're not short or anything

okay thank you all right god bless you bye shout out to everyone in the retail industry all our

retail industry fans man we know it's hard yeah yeah counting their tills down at the end of the

night like fuck i'm sure 15 cents man they're gonna write me up fuck you know how it is yeah

I know they never

never let me anywhere near

a till when I worked at Checkers

hamburgers for a while

they made

I think they thought

I was retarded there

because they made up their

own position for the Checkers

called a porter where all

I did is just kind of like sweep

up the parking lot and wiped outside

just stay outside

because I'd get going

there really fucked up and I really

think they thought i was retarded so they were paying you just to sweep up the parking lot

yeah and like every now and again i'd get on the grill uh i wasn't very good at it because

it was funny i'd put my long hair in the pig's hamburger sometimes when they come through for

their free shit that's fucked up so that's the thing too cops getting free food at restaurants

yeah yeah shit man it's fucked up what's what's the track plan uh you know i don't know the name

of it it's in a big mix that i have i can find it for you though no it's no worry but it's good

i thought it was some like some old uh some old prodigy like god of fire started no sir no but

it kind of did sound like in the wow like that wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow indeed that was

dope fucking track i gotta take a break because i gotta pee real bad and i gotta close some

Go ahead, break a window

I'll be here, fagging out with Zax

Until he gets to sleepy time

If you go to sleep, Zax, it's fine

Just go to sleep, you can stay on, you can listen

I'm just gonna chill

Just comb your hair, nice, stroke your hair

We just wanna stroke your hair a little bit

Hi, everybody out there.

You can come to Tiny Chat if you want,

and you can see me while Carlito's on break.

That's Zach's Tiny Chat.

Zach's Intel.

Tinychat.com slash Zach's Intel.

There you go.

All right.

I'll be right back.

Thank you.

Cheers, man.

Stand by.

Seriously, I'll be back, everybody.

I'll be right back.

Give me a few.

Maybe about 10.

I need to take a pee, stretch,

take my medication,

take my insulin,

my eye drops,

my heart medication,

my neuropathy medication.

back right after this call free at 1-888-278-8509 you know what i hope that when you die they put

your gps in your box and a trap door at the bottom so when you die you open a trap door at

the bottom you check the gps and you go straight down to the hell madhouse radio is back you are

bigger than a woman you are better than a woman we'll always be behind you do not let a woman

We'll always speak with fun.

Ever make you who you are.

This is a story of a player from an island that lost his way.

Such a price to pay to.

It's those girls that make them cry.

To love and lose.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

But we're doing over.

I do a vice.

I will let you down.

Fuck you.

Over your desk.

Yeah, sing a song to your woman boss.

It's Matt Hillock here.

Matt Hillock, yeah.

Thank you for calling Burlington.

This is Brittany.

How may I help you today?

Hey, do you have clothes for fat girls?

We have plus size.

Well, I mean fat.

We carry a line of plus size.

Well, I mean, what's plus size?

Like, how big a girl are you?

Our plus size section goes up to, I believe, 4X.

That's pretty big, huh?

And then we do have our women's section that goes up to about three hours.

Happy Mother's Day.

Oh, thank you.

Okay.

She had no reaction to that.

That was a waste.

Waste of time and money.

I think Matt's getting a beer, probably, to feed his beer addiction.

The library's open.

Let me check.

No data available on that.

Food source.

Yeah.

Thank you for calling FoodSource with the Raleigh's Pharmacy, located on South Virginia Street, the Old Town.

Bye, Apple.

Fuck this.

For store hours and information, press 4.

Hey.

Hey, you're back, bud.

Hey, good.

For the bakery department, 3.

For the meat department, press 4.

Cook with heat, maybe.

Heat me.

Sitting there, trying to figure out what I'm going to do for dinner.

Chinese, come on, let's do Chinese. Oh, hey

Legend loves this group the song is

Tubin knuckles says good to hear Carlito on the mixer. Hi, is this is me. Hi, this is meat

Is this meat department? Yes

Me that why you answer the phone? You're a woman in the meat department. Why you should be in Baker

Hi, this is my department.

Okay, yeah, I know, but I'm not looking for a woman in the meat department.

I'm looking for a man.

Is there a man there?

Oh, because the man is already left.

Ah, cojones.

So you don't know what you're doing, right?

You don't know how to make meat?

Yeah, they left.

They left at 3 o'clock.

Puta.

Puta, you know?

Huh?

Puta, you know?

You know puta?

Yeah, just why you tell me that?

Because you puta, you know?

Cuz I don't need putas talking to me about beat, you know

Go to space you gotta have a space program these days

or you're nothing, you know what I mean?

Even North Korea has a space program.

I don't think they're too good at that.

But they have a program.

Yeah, I have a space program.

I have a whole plan and strategy

for space.

The Madhouse Space Strategy 2020.

I'm just so high. I'm up in the

space, man.

Can I help you?

Yeah, hi, Hong Kong Diner.

Hello.

I need to make an order, woman.

Oh man, don't talk to me like that, please.

Oh, go ahead, please.

Stupid.

Okay, I need one of eggs.

She needs milk.

God damn.

They know what stupid means and they do not like it.

I'm thinking about calling Milkman and fuck with them.

Oh, I didn't talk to Milkman in a minute.

I got beef with him.

Take that out of the bag.

Cause I get one of those on party time at the end of the show.

...to leave a message.

Fucking Hong Kong diner piece of shit with a full mailbox in their hang up.

Sometimes my actions wouldn't allow me to be so nice.

okay wing con gourmet asian wing chopped oh minimum zero i look for a place of zero minimums

zero minimums you know like you don't need to make 15 bucks before they give it to you yeah

i got you usually they like to say i know you gotta make them yeah like twenty dollar minimum

okay let's see some beef skewers orange chicken i don't know

yeah hey um why do you have uh feces baby mice why am i even doing that why

this is so stupid they're gonna hang up i'm not if i'm not feeling it that she's not doing carlito

stupid is fun yeah as long as you're having fun nothing else matters yeah but only you

Do you do stupid right?

That's not nice to say.

I'm sorry.

I do a lot of it, but yeah, just fuck it.

I messaged Brad about Bill and Ted eating it back.

He's upset with you, bro.

I think so.

I think he finally found out what it is.

Good evening, Pirate's Pizza.

Dude, Chinaman food.

Hi, Pirate's Pizza.

I'd like to make an order.

Don't hang up.

Oh, they heard Matt.

I'm sorry, man.

I don't feel like silverware and shit.

i could eat some beef on a stick and chicken on a stick and grand goons that's not a proper dinner

though is it um beef on a stick were you in it you're gonna order it chinese wise kind of it

yeah crab ring you like that soup get yourself a call get yourself the shit platter the poopoo

platters i think that's what you're going to be down for a couple little bit of this little bit

of that and that usually comes at the minimum poopoo i'm weird about like avoiding vegetables

vegetables too you know the poo-poo pliers just like all their little fried things i think right

isn't it i don't know um i hate like i hate a goddamn uh an egg roll things have vegetables

oh really you don't like egg roll it's fried though man come on man you gotta do that uh and

i know you don't like sushi like yeah let's wrap it in bacon put some cheese on and fry it

right yeah well they got shrimp ones you like shrimps don't you i do like some

I'm sure. Did you see some of these pictures of me when I ate the last Popeye's shrimps?

And I had like a weird allergic reaction in my eyes.

I got a whole clothes. I look like a Chinaman.

Oh, my God.

Spice rack market.

Hey, spice rack market.

Yeah. Sharmuta.

Yeah.

Is this the right place then?

You don't have. Do you have Sharmuta?

No, no, I don't have Sharmuta.

Do you have Bhenchod?

Hmm? Bhenchod?

Yeah.

God damn. You hear the background?

background right then i'm like they're muslim or indians you know so one of those two but then

when the guy just calls and says hey you have motherfucker sister fucker

not doing good here matt not doing good at all why what's happened hello did you break a needle

off in your belly or something no god no i've never done that i used the pen so i don't have

have the big needles those little pen tips yeah yeah i i well i yeah i've auto eject oh auto

eject oh yeah that's what it's yeah hey uh spice rack market do you have hummus huh do you have

coriander seed yeah okay um how much of that do you put up your asshole motherfucker how much of

that you put up your asshole yeah exactly whatever what did you say to me huh 299 you put

In your asshole, you know, what is asshole? No, it's where the poop comes. Do you know where your poop comes out of you

know that? Oh

Actually, this sounds fucking so good spicy sandwich meal. Yeah, I'll get a nice chicken sandwich

Where's this from with a place called the Bruce Carolina chicken the Bruce?

there the roost I

Can send you the

Thing yeah, I like like a stupid sandwich I can gobble down

You're excited about this crispy. Nah, I'm not super excited about it. Um, let's see minimum is 10 bucks

I can get a meal

Yeah, if Timberland sucked if I've fallen down drunk so many times in Timberlands because they've slipped on wet

Pavement of any color there and a say that I like good

No, not if there's any water on the ground you're fucked if there's any gravel on the ground you fuck that fallen so many times

Thank you for calling the roost on Irving works. This is Amy. Yeah, Bruce Carolina kitchen. Yes, sir

Yeah, let's Matt Hillock is gonna call to make an order. Okay. Yeah, don't take his order. He's crazy

He's Kay. He's he's crazy. He doesn't need to be eating crispy chicken. Oh, man put down

Something nice and healthy. Do you have a healthier version of that? All they got is like close on shit. Come on, man

All right. Do you have anything out there? You can give him maybe no

Alright, well, Matt Hillock is calling in.

Alright, prepare yourself.

I'm not calling in.

I'm spitting his food.

Putering it shortly, sweetheart.

I'm sorry.

I don't know why I did that.

Why?

Man, everything is cool, dude.

Yeah, because now she's spitting your food.

She might put some pussy juice in it.

That might be nice.

No, it wouldn't.

It would not.

I fucking, one time I was driving out from Broad's house,

and i fucking yacked and it like tasted like bad old pussy and i was like oh my god what was i

doing this evening well you yacked it up yeah yeah i won't do that i won't mess up your dinner

now where are you gonna get food from tell me the place i'm gonna get this same goddamn place

just don't use mad hell lock as your name mad hell cock they'll never know that's my

my fucking name, yo.

You don't give a shit. You're Matt fucking Hellock,

you know? Yeah. I have

a... Let's see. What would you like to

add? I don't want no thing.

I don't want no sides. I want

some mashed potato chips

and a side of creamy

mac and cheese or a side of red

pudding. Do I want a dessert later?

What the fuck is red pudding? Bread pudding?

Oh, bread pudding? Nah, that's a waste. That's a waste.

No, no, no. You're better off getting another

savory. Peach cobbler. Oh, yeah.

I think I'm gonna get the side of creamy

Creamy mac and cheese and hand-cut potato chips.

You don't have any baked beans?

They don't have them.

Oh, really?

They got side of cucumbers coleslaw, which sounds like poison to me.

Yeah.

Biscuit, hand-cut.

They make these really nice chips.

Okay.

And then mac and cheese and then peach cobbler and bread pudding.

But those cost an additional dollar.

I don't know, some peach cobbler.

I could get down on peach cobbler for a dollar, to be honest with you.

that's not bad for some peach cobbler peach cobbler maybe got some vanilla ice cream there

dude fucking messaging me this some mob seven guy was messaging me like crazy oh who's that

saying he wanted to come on the show he wants you to unban him i don't know oh dude if you're

banned why are you banned how did yeah that's like when i heard that i thought

you are trying to get through to me through matt helllock and that's not very fair to matt or to me

especially matt because you're taking advantage of your relationship with him i'm like a fucking

crippled uh retard basically don't use someone else to try to get around if you did something

oh my god delivery hang on it's gonna be 17 i don't think i'm getting that guy named sandwich

A $17 sandwich, son of a bitch?

Well, it's with all their fees and shit.

And the tip, $20.

The meal is $10.50, and then delivery fee is $4, and then sales tax is $1, and then tip of $1.60, you just put it in, $17.

I guess $17 to the door is not that bad.

Oh, yeah, okay.

But then you got a tip that's like $20.

No, the tip's in it.

The tip's already included.

Wait, wait, wait.

It's $1.60.

Hang on these people already hung up once

Yeah, I don't know why you hang up my friend is explaining that this is you charged him wrong for the food

I think

Stupid is there a man I can talk to

Thank you. No, this is the chicken roost. I am

Please don't please don't

fucking spam my neighbor

you want me to talk to them for you

see if they'll cut you a deal on something

part of that

get you free creamy mac and cheese

hello antojitos

yeah mira what's going on here with the food

yeah puta

you

no not my madre you puta

stupid why you put wrong food on here stupid

what

why you put wrong food in here stupid

you're supposed to get the hillbilly thing

cabrona

Hey, how you doing? I wanted to make an order, please. Hello. Can I make order? What's going on?

I'd like to make an order. I'm confused. I just called and I heard the lady said hang on and

can I make an order? Can I make an order, please? What is this? I want to make an order. What's

going on here? Yes, I want to make an order, please. Please. Okay. Can I put my order in now?

Maybe this is a bad idea. What's going on? Okay. Am I better now? Can we go? Are we over it? Okay.

Okay, well, can you try?

Hello?

Can you try for me?

Sorry about that.

Okay, shut up.

One puta.

Whoa.

One what?

Puta.

Your mother.

Yeah, put woman back on the phone because I have many more things to say to her.

Please, go ahead.

Wait, what?

Oh, it's none of your business.

It's between me and woman.

Put her on the phone.

You're out of your league.

My man's got shit to say to his ex-wife.

Let's go.

Let's make it happen, asshole.

This has to do with the kids.

Their kids.

Okay.

um yo what don't call there anymore is that it well you can okay i'm glad to actually um i like

talking to people like you hey when are you gonna put the stupid broad back on the phone no he's

cool you guys are funny are they related are they related to you are they like your is that the

owners and stuff i don't know yeah yeah yeah antojitos okay oh we had bad service there in

the past so we call every once in a while and we talk to the woman we say puta like that wait i

think the one we just the mexican lady we're just talking to she your mom or something look

Look, don't hate, alright? Look, if she's your mom, I'm sorry, I'll stop calling.

Is she a bitch?

Is she your owner, or what is she? The one that gave you the phone?

Oh, okay. You can't put her back on, though, just to maybe...

Because I don't want to get you caught in the crossfire, you know?

Wait, wait just a minute ago, you dummy.

You said we were funny, and you liked talking to us.

And now you say there's no need for us.

Then there's a need for us to bring joy to your pathetic life.

It's not hanging. It's just a poke in the chest, man. That's all it is.

You people are so uptight about this calling thing.

Jesus Christ.

God damn it. It's just a poke in the chest.

It's a fucking Nancy boy.

It's a poke in the chest.

Just a little, you know, messing up your hair a little bit.

It's like getting killed by an iceberg, getting poked to death.

Yeah, right.

Alright, that's all it is.

Yeah, you get the reference there, Peter.

You know like like I'm on your free time you choose to work at a shitty restaurant and argue with people on the telephone

You're never gonna be a manager

Unless you're never gonna get any I should start fucking like the boss

Really suckers square school is for suckers you square. Oh, yeah

How long is it going to take you to pay that off?

I'm actually on scholarships.

Oh, because you're a filthy mud person minority?

I'm an EPA through high school and everything.

Whatever, dude.

You fucking nerd.

Oh, really?

What high school did you go to?

You fucking nerd.

I actually do a private school.

Say actually before whatever you say.

That's a good thing.

What school do you go to?

Customer service.

What school do you go to?

Oh, yeah.

I go to UNI, though.

I go to UNI.

Oh, wow.

Cool.

Wow.

oh actually oh i'm gonna be an engineer yeah you guys what are you you're a fucking dummy

fuck you yes living off the government dime yeah oh yeah and we're doing good at it

we're not working at some shitty fast food place on a saturday night

they're gonna do some calculus with your smart shit and figure out how to

completely own us here at this yeah you gotta triangulate the signal

Yeah, actually say actually

So mr. Engineering student

Hello, hello, mr. Engineers. Can you give me two expressions that indicate like a physical relationship between two variable constants?

Like what you want to yeah, go ahead. Yeah. Yeah, explain it to me. Let's go. Oh

Yeah, yeah, no, no, this is me asking you this is the interview

This is your shot.

No, no, the thing is nothing! The thing is I asked you, go!

Nah, the thing is this is what I said.

You see, this is what you people do to get out of it.

You've been at any good protests lately, Nancy boy?

What was that?

Uh, what? There's been nothing hateful.

Yeah.

You, you, you were trying to impress us with your schooling

and asked us what we did and said that we're wasting our time.

Well, I'm not my son, because I'm some fucking minority.

Oh, I said mud person.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, you claimed you weren't, so everything's cool.

What's up?

Fuck the brown people.

I said fuck the brown people.

You said you weren't, so you're cool in my book.

If you come over, it's for fisticuffs.

I'm just telling you right now.

It's not to fucking talk.

It's for fisticuffs.

I'm not coming over to just fucking talk with you.

It's a nothing sandwich time.

Yeah.

I'm going to clean your clock

You're going to clean my cock?

Clock, you're clocked

I'm sorry man, I'm not kidding

Oh, selective hearing

You got me

You're unconscious

After he knocked you out

If that's the trick you got to use to win

If that's the trick you want to use to win

You got me hung up

What do you got against the gays?

That's what he used to hang up

I did not hang up

As you hear, he hung up.

It's still, my land is still connected.

You'll hear the doot-doot in a second.

Yep.

I'm looking at it now.

It says there's one active call.

There it is.

Actually.

Who won?

Actually, I didn't hang up.

The lines were crossed.

The lines were totally crossed.

Actually, actually.

Actually, this fucking guy.

Why don't you go ahead and explain it?

Yeah.

This is good.

I had no idea what you were on about.

it's over my head but i liked it i just typed real quick in google uh engineering

engineering college formulas that's all i did and i read the first thing that okay i thought

it was something really new i don't know fucking engineer are you crazy i could i dropped out as a

computer science major you think i could do engineering it's even harder conductor said

i could take my book and run around the hallway the conductor i love i love the like always

questioning how we spend our time I love the ones are like I'm gonna break it

down with them and let them know like you know you need to stop hey Buster

yeah put it away buster yeah all right ah these people they're so funny i like i didn't really

like just talking dummy dude she was carrying on in the background about we got the order wrong

she was saying machine a lot i don't know why machina i don't know she's i didn't bring up

machine this is probably like i think it's that machine guy in spanish i've heard of him they call

We call him La Macchina

What's his name?

We call him The Machine

Or Frasier, Frasier the comedian

The Machine

He's got a great, you know that story, yeah?

Hello?

Yeah, hi

This is La Favolita

Hi, can I help you?

Hi, uh, puta

Hello?

Yeah, right, nice

I'm gonna go ahead and put this phone in between my bosoms and wait for you to say that again

Then I'm gonna get wet

This is a Czech cashing place

Imagine that

Oh they're classy

There's nothing nicer than a check

Clash in place

She got that cordless click right there

You heard it

Send money back to Mexico

Check cash in place

Not for long

Is the wall going to go that high

Oh yeah dude they're reaching in

Oh really are they going to shut down

Send the money back

He threatened that already

He had to have a valid

He had to be a valid citizen

Valid ID or whatever

to send people money yeah they were expecting that that was a threat that was a threat from

the campaign yeah it hasn't brought it up yet but who knows hey how you doing buddy you got shoes

shoes yeah yes you fix shoes or you make shoes no you sell shoes okay you have a size 13 man

or just for women more for women so if i'm a size 13 man is there a shoe that fit me maybe

For a woman maybe what size would that be?

What size what size shoe woman is for?

Five to ten five to ten. Okay, and you have these I can try them on there. You help me put them on

Yeah, okay, and then I'm gonna hit you in the face a shoe

Hey, make sure right in the face with the shoe when you're down there gonna hit you with the shoe

Fucker does he have soft hands that they can rub your calluses and bunions on your feet?

what kind of hands you have you have nice hands he wants to know our working man ass hello

i just heard a lady there okay lady the party you are trying to reach has not set up voicemail

mails for loose somebody sent me a text at 5 45 a.m from a local number i don't know who that was

i like the part of the show where the phones ring hello we are not available now the man that makes

them ring that carlito's a funny fucking guy hey thanks it was nice to wake up and get on the show

with them what's up i like your show thank you for saying that and i like your show oh thanks man

it's not it's not my show it's our show okay i like say well yeah i like both of you yeah

yeah even with the little guy get on say hello before he tuckered in his little

lol whatever he put his hairs up what i've seen they they pull out the bottom like uh

like a thing and put a little pillow for the cute little guy he just sleeps in there

He crawls up, sucks his thumb.

He sucks on his thumb.

Cute little guy.

If you catch him in the right kind of mood, he'll suck on a lot of things.

You know, he's small, so he can't keep up drinking with bigger fellas.

Oh, yeah, really?

Thank you for calling your Reno Sportsman's Warehouse.

We are located on the corner of Kitsky and Moana next to Ashley Furniture.

For upcoming events, visit our website at www.sportsmanswarehouse.com.

Our regular store hours are Monday through Saturday, 9 a.m. to 8 p.m., and Sunday, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.

For guns and hunting, press 1.

For fishing, press 2.

For camping, press 3.

Footwear and waiters, clothing, 5.

For optics and electronics.

What are you using to do all these calls?

Wait while I transfer your call.

Oh.

I got a little bit of it there.

Bum, bum.

Yeah, like how are you getting the rings and shit?

Because you're using something other than Skype, right?

Cisco call manager.

you're using cisco call manager really clothing this is julie i have a pirated version hey this

is clothing yes do you have clothing for uh my um i have a woman that i like she's a fat woman

do you have clothing for fat women well what size are you most of the time for the ladies

the biggest we would have would be a 2x well i'll be like like for example how tall are you

how tall are you i'm about five five and you're like you sound like you weigh like about 160 180

no bigger 190 smaller oh cool like what like where are you like 130 warmer but what oh well what's i

mean well i'm trying to get an idea are you like a 130 you're 55 130 55 140 what less than that

are you less than 90 are you more than 90 pounds yes oh you're a big girl yeah yeah you could lose

a little bit probably then probably yeah yeah probably like about your size like a fat girl

like you okay ladies sizes we carry sizes small through 2x all right yeah so okay yeah so maybe

something you would wear for a fat fat girl like you would wear you know what are her options after

After 2X.

Moomoos and judicial robes.

Well we don't carry any.

Moomoos or anything.

We just have regular.

You know like button down shirt.

So again what do we do after 2X.

This is a big girl.

My friend's lady.

It's getting weird.

Like we get her up.

We wash her.

Right now we're just putting a.

California King sheet on her.

But we got to get her dressed.

For the press conference.

before we get enough food in her to kill her.

We're going for a record.

You can be part of it.

Yeah, we're doing a record number of White Castle sliders.

What exactly are you looking for?

Clothes for a fat woman.

Okay, because you're still not giving me much to go on.

I mean, how much does this person weigh?

I'm talking to me and my buddy here.

I would say she's four of us.

She's a big girl.

So, I mean, are we looking at about like 180?

Are we looking at 200?

Oh, I would say four, five, five or something.

Probably, yeah.

We can't even get her on the scale anymore.

Yeah, she definitely, if she flies on an airplane,

she definitely has to buy two seats.

They force her to, usually.

Every time they do.

Not usually.

This YouTube channel is blowing up,

and we get her to get five crepe cases down,

but we don't want her just to be wearing the sheet, you know?

Right.

No, no, we don't have anything that big here.

Do you have, like, anything for the hunting,

tenting like we can put around her like a big tent maybe we can poke a hole in the top that

she oh yeah yeah yeah or like a fumigation tent for like good for insects that that did it that

did it that finally that was too far because this girl's just gonna wear a fucking tent with the

that doesn't mean she's full of insects sir

fumigation this is as big as a whole fucking house

house oh my god all right fun funny it's fun though huh i'm digging this yeah this is that

new gorillas album that you said everyone's talking oh is it yeah we were saying they're

garbage i've only heard the first half of it so far so this is all i could tell you what i heard

was all right it was on in the background i was busy filing papers so hey dom the bomb and lady

wherever y'all are chillin wherever you all out there and wherever you all land

out there in radio and yeah hey out there in real and today's 513 2017 I was

like time stamp how many shows you edited today one and a half when I start

three ready for when i start pushing them out you know excuse me nice she's fumigation fat

said twiddly tree that was good good thanks for calling dollar tree so shauna can i help you hey

honey baby how are you okay okay good hey do you have things there for fat girls you don't have

anything that a fat girl will want i'm supposed to we have a like a gift thing we're doing gift

exchange and i'm supposed to get something for the fat girl in accounting and okay well actually

i'm really busy how busy could you be at the dollar tree everything costs a dollar you just

count the things multiplied by the tax the sales tax done hey i've got 10 things here ten dollars

like how hard is it you just reckon yeah you just you know what you you memorize the sales tax on

like up to 30 items you know you know one seven seven cents of the dollar 107 214 3431

yeah there you go yeah exactly the big dishes 10 items yeah you could just write them down

and just count one two three four five oh yeah it's gonna be 535 if it's seven cents per dollar

right you know where they get you now is now they're starting some places do like six and a

a half cents per dollar hey fuck you up with that man that is how they get you shit i remember when

it was five cents a dollar where i used to live and i could go to taco bell and buy four things

and it came out to 420 and i was like yeah i would buy four things when i could only really

should have only had maybe two or three yeah but just to get the 420 yeah because fucking 420

i tell you one of the reefer story the other day of my shit i gave the guy 420 in cash and he was

like man i've been working here too long we didn't even like talk about that it'd be like 420 man

like oh christ that's cool four dollars 20 cents for weed or 420 oh 420 how else i get you for

those that good for like a month or uh well i'm i don't want to put on my i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm

sorry i'm not sorry but it's uh no no don't say don't say because they can get you all right yeah

yeah yeah they'll get you in the game these people these ruthless uh listeners they use

everything against you and me all the time against us they do yeah they do weird everything

like anyone i watch and listen to like a podcast or youtube like i'm nothing but nice to them yeah

i don't have like beef with them if there's something i don't like i just don't listen to

so i don't get it yep uh but yeah we attract like a certain thing or fucking weirdos they

don't want to like fuck with us let's call um let's call big dwight real quick see if he's

going around to 10 i just want to check with him he can give us a update of what's coming at the

top of the hour here all

the cool people got nick caesar hurt his avatars scary

minus art i don't he doesn't do anything he doesn't like me he said he has said that i think

I think it's, again, I think it's the minority thing.

Probably thing.

If I have nice white skin.

If we get some skin bleaching everywhere.

I got news for you.

Brad is a quarter Armenian, so.

And that's kind of smarmy there.

That's not full.

He's probably got a lot of, like, gypsy Romanians.

Armenians, that's the goddamn system moved down, eh?

Yeah.

They're always like, yay, Armenian genocide was so awesome.

They're always singing about it.

That's horrible.

They are, though.

They're always like, when Armenians deserve to die.

Hey, over where you live, over there in the murder capital of the country,

is there a Papa Murphy's chain?

No, I don't think we got Papa Murphy's there.

You know what it is, though?

I know of it, yeah.

Because back when I watched a lot of C-Lab 2021,

2021 yeah i thought it was cool just because like captain murphy pizza but no i've never

they might be man i don't go out in the world there might be they're doing good for themselves

but anyway it's uh you know the the pizza isn't they put it all together basically yeah you take

take and bake yeah it sounds like a garbage idea for me it's a restaurant it's not really

it's just a grocery store that's like that damn pizza you buy at costco

never been in a costco you're gonna see much they're assholes my name is sydney i got the

pizza and it is not cooked there's raw cheese in here raw sauce raw meat what is going on here

uh we're at papa murphy's so we are take a baked pizza so we make your pizzas here and they're all

and it's raw i mean come on what am i gonna do here what do i do what do i do so it goes in your

oven on the white tray it's at 425 for 12 to 18 minutes or can i do the 420 can if i had an oven

i wouldn't be eating your garbage food so how do i make are you really just a grocery store

we are just a pizza place that doesn't cook your pizza you're not a restaurant so you're basically

your grocery store right you're that one aisle in walmart right that one little cooler in walmart

that's what you guys are basically right and you guys made a whole store around that how's that

going for you how's that gonna go for you how do you think all right so hey you know what people

are dummies you know do you do you know red box do you know red box chili pepper you know right

right you know that there used to be these blockbuster stores and then they got basically

basically replaced by red box you know buy all these little boxes you know the size of a phone

booth not even are you guys gonna order a pizza okay yeah i'll have one pizza what can i get for

you one pizza not uh well you have no heat there right i can't get any heat no we are a take and

bake pizza company all right what's the upgrade for a heat we don't have any ovens here well okay

so then how am i supposed to make the oven go i don't have it connected what do i do what button

do i hit here you tell me then because this didn't come with any instructions for me to do

and how to start.

It says it's just 425 on it

with the little circle next to it.

Put you on hold so you can talk to my manager.

Is it a man?

Yeah, that's her manager.

Hang up.

Now you're making sexist slur.

Feminine slur.

Come on, man.

I need to know.

My name is Jenna.

Would you like to hear about our special?

Is this the manager?

No, it's not.

Is the manager a man?

No.

Oh, that's a problem.

Maybe that's what the problem is here, you know?

Because, I mean, woman in the kitchen, you know,

But man in the office or in the living room or the den, you know, watching TV, waiting, making the decisions, you know.

So can you tell me how the oven goes?

It's 425.

Yeah, but what do I do?

What do I push here on the keypad?

She should know.

She's a woman.

Their phone there sounds like fucking Norad, man.

I want that ringtone.

We got Burger King, which never answers anymore.

I mean, I guess I really should keep going until Dwight starts.

But who knows?

It's probably going to be in 15 minutes.

Jehovah's Witnesses are going to be closed

That ain't going to work

Just scrolling around looking for numbers

Oh yeah I could call some of them

Walmarts guys

Out where the Walmarts are at

Here we go

Autobot of Bonnie repair

Let's do it yeah

We're doing what

I'm doing a call for a job which probably won't pick up in the weekend

But it's worth a shot you never know

Maybe it's the guy's cell phone

Everything is worth a shot

It's nice talking to you buddy

You gotta go

We got

79 people

We just went down

What happened?

Oh cause I said

I was gonna get ready

To kick off for Dwight

To start in about 15

I'm presuming

Oh yeah yeah

Oh he said he's gonna

I don't know

Yeah

Hello

Yeah hey boy

How you doing?

Okay can I help you?

Yeah god damn it

I'm looking to be a mechanic

Are you still looking

For a mechanic there?

You gotta shop

Yeah who am I speaking with?

Oh my name is Cross

Yeah where you live at Cross?

Uh actually to be honest

honest with you i'm living in my car i i had to get the heck out of nevada i'm in kentucky now

i live in my car down in the it's like a walmart walmart yeah hold on a minute all right honey

yeah sorry about that yeah i say unfortunately i've uh i've already hired two other people so

oh my god please but come on man i'll do you know anyone else's i'll suck your dick or anything man

no no you won't need it no i will but i'll suck your dick if you want if you help me get i just

want a job i'll help dude there's some neat documentaries about people living in the walmart

parking lot really i was i knew that was a thing it's it's a for true thing because they allow

people to camp there overnight so yeah like some are just like cool like you know like

like fancy thing but a lot are just down in there like like a lot of it but it's

i used to when i was in my early 20s me my girlfriend in my car would be going around

and we'd go to walmart and uh fucking just smash homeless people in the head

no she's not my wife my girlfriend i do that no i would uh get up real close to the rvs like

around two in the morning and i just honk blare my horn really loud or hold it down

until somebody came out and then i just drive off and laugh far away

all right this one time this fucking guy he was like in a freaking bet like a bathrobe kind you

know what i mean came out yeah like get off my line he might as well have been holding a golf

club yeah or a newspaper dude yeah this guy dude it was so funny it was like he had the tricked out

rv with the satellite dish on and everything and it was a good two three in the morning i had we

We got out of, probably, I think we might have gotten out

like a late movie or something like that

and went to the Walmart.

Was it an erotic movie?

No, no.

We're going to go watch an erotic movie in the 90s.

Well, 2000s.

There were still smudge shops around then.

2000s.

But not like to go watch in a theater.

You can't take a girl in that anyway.

If you're grimy and want to whack in a theater.

What kind of girl goes to that?

She's going to get a tie.

Every man is going, oh, check it out.

I would think the type of broad that's hanging around with a man fucking Hillock.

See, I never experienced a whole where you had to go to a theater to watch porno.

I figured it was just a place for guys to go jerk off in front of each other and watch each other jerk off.

Yeah, I used to go and there's this smut shop called Southwest Book and Video over by Midway Airport.

And I'd go in there with broads.

like this one broad i call the porn broad but we'd go in there late at night all fucked up

and like the dudes would just scatter when they saw like an irl broad like they would just clear

the fuck out they would leave they would leave when they saw broad wait a minute why i thought

they would go like turn like yeah no they know because they're shy like weirdo whackers yeah

You know, that's weird.

They're like, I don't want to see them looking at me.

Giant stack of live young girl magazine.

Why the heck did so many think I was married?

I'm not married.

Man, how long are you married?

No, I am not.

No, don't think so.

I'm not.

If you're if you're interested, I'm still courting suitors.

Ladies, you single still?

All right.

looking for old computers and parts printers

what is this auto-tune on gorillas really

oh it sounds like garbage yeah what happened man that um that live

lives either eyebrow teeth son of al good looking up um that uh that live gorillas like

dd set was so good though yeah like they had dennis hopper talking live on that shit oh really

he came out for the for that okay i think he did or maybe they just played it but it came with

stickers and like the second thing was the cd-rom that would run on my mac back in the day and you

could drive a little buggy around they were so good it's feeling like a cash grab at the moment

yeah i'm gonna have an opportunity they're gonna be local not local but close to here

it's 111 111 right now i would go um if i were you i wouldn't fly into the country for it if i

was somebody else yeah gotcha you know what i'm saying yeah i don't think that person should come

I'm all the way here to the country just to watch that.

After hearing this, it's like, yeah.

I think it feels like.

If they're going to be like, oh, we're doing this, the new album.

Hello?

Yeah, hey, how you doing?

Not bad.

Who is this?

Yeah, you looking for.

You looking for computer parts?

Yeah, sorry about that.

I didn't know I said this was calling me this late at night.

Sorry.

Yeah, well, you were kind of nasty, you know.

This is late.

It ain't even 9 o'clock.

Well, it is.

is it's uh after nine it's almost 10 o'clock at night oh you don't have to be nasty what are you

a nasty boy you go to bed 10 o'clock on saturday night oh what's up with that i was asking gonna

ask about his wife in bed i don't follow you no you're fine it's still as funny as all over

yeah no good dude i sound too sober ah yeah i'm working on it he took a nap what do you want

yeah yeah well you're fine i got my good pranks and i'm done at this point you have reached the

The voicemail box.

Holding it down for the Dwight man.

It's party time.

Did he ever say he was coming on?

Are we going to keep these people out of the string?

He told me he was getting numbers around 8, 18.

Hello?

Yeah, you're looking for a place to rent?

Yes.

Oh, good.

Good.

Thank God I got a hold of you.

Yeah.

Oh.

All right.

How much space do you need?

Well, we have twin daughters.

but uh you know we're just looking between like a two or three bedroom uh place they i'm liking

sound of this already they have to they're gonna put my uncle slippy fist on they're gonna be

staying with in his place uh you ever have how about the the daughters stay with me and you

just get a hotel uh i'm sorry is this a prank call how about you is it what i mean it's just

it's a great call because no i assure you it's not i was saying let the little broads come check

out with uncle slippy fist and you just get a room i'll keep them fed i'll keep them okay yes

you know yeah how old are they man yeah they're two years old yay yeah old enough to pee old

Old enough for me.

Wow.

What's down to that?

Old enough to pee?

That's everything.

I love it.

It's so stupid.

It's a stupid takeoff on the grass on the field to play ball.

What's Dwight?

Dwight made it.

Dwight, yeah.

What's your status, Dwight?

We're holding it down for you.

What's going on?

No, no.

I'm good whenever you are.

We still got five minutes before the launch time anyway.

Great.

All right.

You got some music and stuff coming up at the top of the hour then.

Everybody, this is Dwight.

planned for us here coming up at the top of the hour

for your show tonight? We're going to go with

the same shit we were doing last week because I got

numbers I didn't use, which is

people that want to be paid to be

a part of my phone sex

line. They want to be phone sex operators

and as

well as the nude models.

The models that want to get naked

and let me paint on them. Nice. That works.

We may also have some

furries to call. Furries? Yeah, I told

you that, you know, word. We're not going to say

it because, you know, people. But yeah.

Yeah, so we may be calling some of them motherfuckers too.

Cool.

As well as some people that wanted to pretend to be my fiancé

to travel across the country and meet my parents.

Okay.

So we've got a mixture.

To meet your parents?

Yeah, apparently I moved from Trenton to L.A.

and they've been pressuring me into getting married and started a family.

And, well, I just wasn't ready for that,

so I lied to them about this relationship

and we're getting married and stuff.

well now they want me to come home for mother's day weekend and and you know now i'm big fucking

trouble so i need his people to help me out cool cool man it sounds interesting well i'll be around

maybe i'll join i'm gonna take a little break hey everybody the chat is off but just wanted to say

thanks for listening and cheers i guess that's it for all right dwight i'm gonna head out you

pick up whenever you want i got like four minutes for your music so you're good just whatever all

Alright, see you later.

Matt, thanks for being on.

You're on Mondays or Tuesdays.

I want to watch that show later.

That show? The movie?

The Bill and Ted.

We'll talk.

Alright, man.

Alright, everybody.

See you later.

Everybody, thanks for tuning in.

Like I said, I wanted to have

podcasts edited, so hopefully

the next day or two, I can get...

I'm trying to get at least three together

their release at the same time super excited about that oh my god all right uh all right

stay tuned for dwight mcclanahan and the janitor hour see you later thank you

Calls (33, 1 h 48 min of 2 h 47 min)

Transcript

Comments 0