MadhouseSearch

Something For Yo’ Trump Lovin’ Ass

8 Jun 2017 · 1 h 46 min · 11,664 words · source

Calls (41, 1 h 22 min of 1 h 46 min)
  1. ITM automated menu ivr 3.4 min clip ↓
  2. Commercial door installer asked for work live 36 s clip ↓
  3. Dan's dick is big as a thimble playback 35 s clip ↓
  4. Unique Fabricating automated menu voicemail 4.0 min clip ↓
  5. Fence Install job interview confrontation live 4.3 min clip ↓
  6. Fence Install forwarded to voicemail ivr 3.6 min clip ↓
  7. Job seeker asks about laundry duties live 2.2 min clip ↓
  8. Wok Chow Fire Seared Agent IVR menu ivr 2.9 min clip ↓
  9. Gilman Services electrician job inquiry live 1.8 min clip ↓
  10. Gilman Services voicemail voicemail 47 s clip ↓
  11. Surrogacy clinic asked about embryo transfer live 2.3 min clip ↓
  12. Unique Fabricating surrogacy inquiry live 2.1 min clip ↓
  13. CGS Instruction plumber scam live 1.3 min clip ↓
  14. Flavor Exchange dishwasher position voicemail 2.2 min clip ↓
  15. Labor Exchange dishwasher follow-up live 2.0 min clip ↓
  16. Catholic Charities call about Angelique live 1.0 min clip ↓
  17. Catholic Charities cake delivery prank live 2.1 min clip ↓
  18. Winona Health cake delivery prank live 2.3 min clip ↓
  19. International Cake Design about vagina cake live 8.3 min clip ↓
  20. Voicemail at Angie's number ivr 37 s clip ↓
  21. St. Mary's Church automated system ivr 49 s clip ↓
  22. American Red Cross automated system ivr 1.3 min clip ↓
  23. Riverside customer service Mandy live 1.0 min clip ↓
  24. Riverside Electronics cake delivery live 1.5 min clip ↓
  25. Riverside Electronics Corey live 1.0 min clip ↓
  26. Riverside Electronics hold and operator live 2.8 min clip ↓
  27. New Skin Enterprises woman with skin problem playback 2.5 min clip ↓
  28. Admission Salon Mitch nails and hair live 50 s clip ↓
  29. Ambition Salon Janice Hackson voicemail voicemail 3.7 min clip ↓
  30. United Nations Voting Machine Registration prank live 1.8 min clip ↓
  31. BT Onsa 154B automated menu ivr 1.0 min clip ↓
  32. BT Answer 1571 automated menu ivr 1.0 min clip ↓
  33. Calling Al Mohammed with insults live 1.2 min clip ↓
  34. Calling nephew's birthday party with drunk rant live 42 s clip ↓
  35. International Voting Machines falsely accused of not voting live 1.3 min clip ↓
  36. Call cannot be taken at moment ivr 58 s clip ↓
  37. Message left after phone voicemail 34 s clip ↓
  38. Call cannot be taken at moment ivr 55 s clip ↓
  39. Trucking job applicant spilled beer on self live 3.2 min clip ↓
  40. Bakersfield job application prank live 5.0 min clip ↓
  41. DocuFunction and Herbs automated menu ivr 44 s clip ↓

Transcript

hello itm if you know your party's extension you may dial it at any time or please listen to our
menu if you need operator's assistance please dial zero for training please dial one for hr
please dial two hold while i try that extension hello uh i am business and i'm looking for several
indian computer people to work to hire um but i need to make sure that they don't smell like armpit
and anus and sweat i want to make sure that you have indian people that don't smell like armpits
and sweat and body order language is this oh this i'm not cursing i'm trying to say nicely you know
but you know how it is how these people come and they have a bad smell to them you know start a
conversation with somebody who you don't know and who's a stranger well i'm just getting to the
point i mean there's no sense in being nice to you because that'd just be a waste of our time
yeah so what exactly do you need i need indian people to use computers to make the computer go
but i want to make sure that they don't smell like armpit and i got it can you can you continue
after that statement what do you mean i mean what kind of people do you need what skill set
indian people smart uh computer indian because you know how all indian people are really good
at computer and cooking food indian food and driving taxi they're good at that too
satanas welcome to itm if you know your party please hold while i try that extension hi i'm
carlito and i'm here with you i'm here with you whoa and i'm doing prank calls yeah all right no
applause for that thank you everybody for tuning in i am the superior prank caller the best prank
caller that exists the best prank call show the best prank call website the best prank calls the
the best ringtones, the best music and prank calls,
all of the above.
Often imitated, never duplicated.
Wait for the phone to go.
Yeah.
It's Dan.
Hey, boy, how you doing?
You got commercial door installing?
Oh, good, good.
I'm looking for work, you know?
Okay, do you have any experience?
Yeah, yeah, I fix a lot of doors.
I break down doors to drum up business and stuff like that.
I put my fist through doors.
I put your wife through the door when I fuck her.
Oh, too much?
Too much?
Too much?
Dan's dick is big as a thimble.
That's what he said his name is.
Yeah.
Manufacturing.
Yeah.
Let's do it.
Let's manufacture some lies.
Oh, thank you for calling Unique Fabricating.
Huh?
Did you hear how it answered?
Oh.
Stop it.
Thank you for calling Unique Fabricating.
If you know your party's extension.
If you know.
Please dial it now.
Or dial by first name, directory, press pound.
To speak to an operator, remain on the line or press zero.
I hate the way this lady talks.
Good afternoon, you like fabricating?
Yes, I like fabricating.
Who can I get for you?
Uh, job. Job. I call for job.
John who, please?
Job, dammit.
I'm sorry?
I said job, dammit.
No, I'm going to connect you to the president.
Well, hurry up. Let's go, little lady.
I'm sorry?
Let's go, little lady.
I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
Uh, transfer me.
I'm sorry you're breaking up.
Would you like to try that?
You're full of shit.
You're full of shit.
No, you're full of shit.
Oh, now you hear me, huh, honey?
Now you hear me.
Yeah, you're full of shit.
Yeah, right, right.
Girl, have some more candy.
That's why you don't have anything else to do but play dumb games.
Fat bitch.
Get a life.
Fuck you.
No, you're the fat bitch.
Fuck you, motherfucker, you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
You know where I'm at.
No, you first.
Don't say it.
No, come on.
All right, fine.
You know where I'm at.
I'm going to come and kiss you all over your body.
No.
Yes.
And I'm going to put you to sleep.
Why?
I'm going to put you to sleep.
So bring it.
You're going to fuck me hard.
You know where I'm at.
You fuck me hard and put me to sleep.
I like that.
No, I'm going to put you to sleep.
Not like you thinking.
Oh, yeah, get on top.
You know.
Yeah, spread your labia over my face.
I got something for your Trump-loving ass.
Yeah, can I get a job, please?
Can I talk to the band?
Let's get something for my Trump-loving ass.
Oh, thank you for calling Unique Fabricating.
If you know your party's extension, please dial it now, or dial by first name, directory, press pound.
Twin operator, remain on the line, or enter first name, and pound, name not found.
Enter first name, and pound, press one, to select, Connie, two, to select, Courtney, three, to select, Andrew.
Hi, you've reached the desk of Connie with unique fabricating.
I'm sorry, I'm unable to...
Please wait.
And thank you for calling Unique Fabricating.
You have reached our general mailbox.
Please leave your general information...
To make private, press 1.
I'll make private.
Music!
Alright, looking at the next number.
You can chat with me.
I don't see a lot of chatters.
I'm getting ready to wrap up the show
because no one's interacting with each other and with me.
You can do so if you go over to discord.gg.
Also, of course, the Enigmas chat.
You can get to that by going to prankcollination.com.
Go to the chat room there.
And also the MixLR chat is up.
Thank you.
Where did my numbers go?
Up the ass probably.
Yeah.
Gutter installers.
Yeah, I'll gutter.
State your name after the tone and Google Voice will try to connect you.
Hey, this is Cross.
So for a job.
The Google subscriber you have called is not available.
Fuck Google Voice and fuck anyone who uses it.
Fence Install.
Hey, what's up?
Yeah, hi.
Fence Install?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm looking for a job.
You put an ad for a job in the Craigslist in the computer?
Yes.
Okay, so what do you need to know, buddy?
I need to know, you have a license?
I have a license and registration, yeah.
I have medical clearance also.
You have what?
Medical clearance also.
Medical approval.
I just had a physical.
Okay.
Because some places ask for that.
Some places ask for that, you know?
right yeah 34 i didn't know that battered because you're not supposed to you know consider age as a
factor oh i don't know why you're asking that that's one check on you okay what else okay i'm
done thank you oh come on i know my rights motherfucker you yeah that doesn't matter
how old i am that you can't you don't have to ask how old i am you don't hold that against
anybody at work hello you're not allowed to ask me that i just want to check on you
check on me i'm done buddy are you gonna talk to your employer like this yeah i'm thinking
he answered still connected i'm trying to go i think he tried to disconnect it when i was
talking to the people in the back motherfucker come on motherfucker hello i'm gonna take the
check away i'm sorry i'm sorry i take out the check please no yeah no check no check no check
No check.
That's one point against you.
No.
Now let's go on with the conversation.
Don't think so.
Motherfucker.
Yeah.
Are you listening to me, or are you just talking and don't know you answered the phone?
Hello?
I'm sorry.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
We'll check on you.
I'll take the check off.
I'm sorry.
You know what I'm supposed to say?
I don't want to interview you for a while, but I've never been like this on you.
Yeah.
You don't have to tell me your age.
He said, I don't know why that matters.
You're not supposed to ask me my age.
You're not.
You call me and tell me what I can do what I'm supposed to be doing. It's federal law. Yeah, it's federal law
Fucking work ass. It's federal law. I said what is you're not supposed to ask my age or make any age-related
Decisions when it comes to work. I know my rights motherfucker you don't you start
I'll put a lawsuit on you so fast your head will spin motherfucker. I know my rights goddammit
Now you're gonna give me this interview now. Let's make this happen asshole
I'm not gonna listen you cuss me like that bullshit. You just made many jokes about how old I am
You can't do that mother fucker you I know my rights. I got you never told me how old you was you
You're not supposed to even ask
See at the beginning I forgot I was still muted. Oops, but I got him dead to rights
You ain't supposed to eat me shit, you fucking dumb motherfucker!
Let's call back and see if we can hear what's going on now!
You oughta hear what that motherfucker say!
I got a chicken slider here, a grilled chicken slider. I'm trying to save it for a job call.
No, no.
Fuck you!
Bologna Maloney, suck my dick.
Get this check machine from my house, bud!
What do you think, dumb fuck?
Fucking faggot.
Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.
Fuck Bologna Maloney, man.
Gets his little prick hard right now just hearing me say that, let me stop.
So yeah, keep opening the wrong app for the numbers. Let's try them again. Let's try them again. Yeah. Hi, I'm calling for a job
I've done hired somebody. Oh, yeah motherfucker. How come how come now you have someone for the job? Hmm?
I don't I don't know what your problem. I'm the best guy for the job and I know my rights and I know what you said
I got you dead to rights so you can either give me an interview
We can make make this all disappear or you're gonna have a big problem big trouble for you
Okay.
If you say so, man.
I know so, motherfucker.
I got so sad, I know my rights.
Ask me the next question after my age.
Come on, man.
I've been trying to have a job for two years, and I've been trying to look for a job.
No luck.
So you got to help me out, man.
Right, right, right, right.
Hello?
Merge it to mom.
What'd you say about my mama?
Hello?
What'd you say?
Are you there?
Yeah, I heard what you said about my mom.
What was that?
I didn't say anything about your mom.
Mm-hmm, I did.
I heard you said your mom.
I was talking to my son.
Yeah, I'll fuck your mom.
I'll fuck your son's mom and what is your problem put your son's mom on the phone so I can fuck her
on the phone and put your son here and put your son on the phone and I'll lick his little butthole
for you can you can you hear this shit candy yeah you got him taped hey little boy how are you okay
hey little boy oh that's my office manager that's taping you uh women are usually office managers
how come he's a man office manager what's wrong with his life my office manager is taping you
So keep on.
Well, I don't give you permission, and I know my rights.
So I command you to destroy all copies of this recording
and cease and desist recording immediately.
Okay, so quit calling me.
You put a public ad in a public forum for people looking for work.
Therefore, you remove any expectancy of privacy
or not being called on this number, sir.
Uh-huh.
And then you called, and I was talking to you calmly,
and I asked you your age, and you started giving me a hard time
I'm telling me that I'm not allowed to ask you your age.
But you're not.
It's a federal law.
And you touched me.
So I hung up on you.
And now you're giving me a hard time.
Listen, you need to hang up.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Go clean the kitchen.
Shut up.
Okay.
Listen to this guy.
I hear him.
But you need to hang up the phone.
I don't know.
She's talking woman talk.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Shopping.
Call him back, though.
Shopping, purses, bags.
Shopping, purses, bags.
You just lost his number.
Doing my nails.
Okay.
Just, I keep hanging up, but he keeps calling back.
I know, but if you block his number, he won't be able to call you.
Wow, she's a smart one.
She's a smart one.
What's your problem, little boy?
You can call the, you can block the number.
I'll still get through.
That's fucking cute.
Congratulations.
No, really, I can still get through.
It doesn't bother me at all.
You can do whatever you want.
And you wonder why you don't have a job.
Yeah.
Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.
Well, let's get right to it.
I want to thank Perkware.
I want a third Perkman for sure to get a number.
Thank you.
Hey, boy.
How you doing?
I'm making.
How are you?
I'm looking for front desk attendant job.
Okay.
Uh, everything.
Well, I'm no longer a sex offender.
So I wanted to just bring that out first.
So, and I know my rights.
You're not supposed to ask me about that.
Speaking with this is cross cross cross.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'm calling about the job.
Okay.
Well, actually, Donnie's out right now.
Do you want to try to call back later and talk to him?
Uh, who's Donnie?
What does he do there?
Donnie is the director of the club.
He's out at the moment.
Oh, what do you do?
I am the team.
You're the team director?
Team?
Team?
Like teenagers?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Very nice.
Very nice.
I like the sound of that.
Yeah.
Do I get to do any laundry of dirty underwear and panties and stuff?
You don't do any laundry for boys and girls at all?
No.
Do I have access to clothes with pistanes and pistanes?
No.
Oh.
Oh.
Yeah, who cares?
next one here we go I forgot the one try it again thank you for calling walk
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I'll read it.
Shut up.
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This is Christian.
How can I help you?
Hey, Christian.
That's a boy's name, not girl's name.
Is this for takeout or delivery?
Well, I'm returning a call regarding the job for Asian Cock.
I'm sorry?
Asian Cock.
There's a job request, a job ad for Asian cock.
Oh, my gosh.
Okay, absolutely not.
There is.
It says to call this number, Asian cock.
Oh, it's cook.
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Ah, who cares?
good afternoon gilman services this is susan how can i help you yeah hi i see you got out of here
for electricians yes yeah i like to do electricianing okay hang on just a moment okay
all right honey baby very hey girl yeah i'm calling for electrician job eighteen dollars an
hour yeah commercial electricians needed asap must have a 3-5 years experience must pass
background check and drug tests and have transportation and tools yes yeah okay all
right uh who am i speaking with horse uh morris horse horse like the animal oh horse yeah okay
and last name uh that is my last name okay first name rex rex all right rex you live in the knoxville
area or i'm new here i just moved to the horse machine ranch road okay and um let me just move
here to knoxville uh yeah i'm new here i just moved to horse machine ranch road okay yeah i'm
I'm new here.
I just moved to Horse Machine Ranch Row.
I don't even know where that is.
It's a new development.
It's called Horse Machine Ranch.
There's 12-acre ranches that have been parceled out.
I've got one of the deluxe ones.
It's 24.
You see?
And I've become independently wealthy, but I get bored, you know.
I get bored, and the horses have been dying.
I got real sad when the horsies died.
So I thought about maybe getting into some hydroponic kind of stuff.
So I started like a hydroponic tomato farm and also making, growing my own, my own tilapia.
And then the water, the off water there gets fertilized from the tilapia's feces and I
denitrate it and then I use it to fertilize, to irrigate the tomatoes.
So you're a, are you a journeyman electrician?
Well, yeah, I used to be an electrician.
Yeah.
Then I won the lottery.
And when I say I won the lottery, it wasn't that much.
it was you know three hundred thousand dollars it only came out to like 180
after taxes but was enough for me to sell my shit get the fuck out of New
York and I bought a ranch down here but I don't like it I don't like ranch I
thought I was gonna like it I don't like it I don't like it when can come put in
an application uh I mean I'd rather just show you how I work with electronics how
I make the things go you know I push the buttons I solder also you know and I
touch the sexual organs in the machine to make it work again to kind of feel
what's going on with them i can great great i kind of just touched them but yeah if you uh you sort
of have to come and put an application here so all right did you want to masturbate me or watch
me masturbate uh no no no no uh but if you want uh you're welcome to come put in an application
yeah but i can't come masturbate too and that's extra you know maybe just you know oh no oh you
could just watch you just it's not gay just to watch you're just curious you know oh it's the
only funny thing i do to talk about sexy tonight the
show sucks.
Hello, you have reached the office of Gilman Services.
We are either away from our desk or on the other line.
Bullshit.
Hello, you've reached Mike with Eminem Million Service.
Eminem.
I got to go get my laptop out of the freezer.
I'll be right back.
Listen to this song.
Ah, Carlito is back.
That's called the last number we called.
I don't know who it was.
I forgot already.
Oh, lawn and landscaping.
Struggle continues.
Ah, keep ringing, motherfucker.
Here's a surrogate mother need.
Good afternoon.
Thank you for calling the surrogacy group.
This is Anthony.
How can I help you?
Yeah, hi.
How old do you have to be to be a surrogate mother?
At least the age of 25 and have had one child.
Oh, excellent.
And then what's the oldest you can be?
uh max they will take is 35 35 i believe do you do blastocyst transfer or the insemination in vitro
yes all that ivf um also donors as well uh can you put the embryo in my sure if that's
something you'd like well yeah i mean that's i'm thinking i could provide that service you know for
a black baby because that's where black babies come from from what i heard really where did you
hear that at school the guys told me well your education is not the greatest time labia pussy
vagina cunt do you hear this sex with minors greg what i want to punch you in the dick i hate you
well i like you labia what you a trump loving ass that's right mjr depression let's call that
number back who was that commercial doors no that was manufacturing that's what it was
I just love cursing
whenever I'm on speakerphone.
Thank you for calling
Unique Fabricating.
If you know your party's extension,
please dial it now
or dial by first name,
directory,
press pound.
To speak to an operator,
remain on the line
or press zero.
Hello and thank you
for calling Unique Fabricating.
You have reached
our general mailbox.
Please leave your
general information nope surrogacy group is that gary i'm sorry who are you looking for gary i have
to i don't know who is gary oh well can i speak with you then about surrogacy sure okay um i was
looking to have the implantation done okay uh transfer of embryo okay and what um are you
working with the clinic already no i'm working with my asshole oh okay well good for you that's
That's where you can put it, up my asshole.
Oh, I'm sure you would enjoy that.
I would.
Have a good day.
By the sound of your voice, you would, too.
I'm almost done.
I'm almost done, guys.
Because I hate this show today.
Hello, this is Mike with CGS Instruction.
Hey, I thought you were a machine.
You sound very machine-like.
Yes, this is Mike with CCS Construction.
Yes, you sound very machine-like.
I was calling because you have a job for a plumber?
Yes, I do.
All right, what can I do for you there?
What can I answer for you?
How many years' experience do you have?
Well, eight years' experience.
Does it matter if I got fired from the last place?
Why did you get fired?
When I was stealing panties from women customers.
Say that again?
I was stealing panties from women customers.
All right, thanks for calling.
I don't do that anymore.
I don't do it anymore.
Please, I'm just trying to be honest.
Please.
All right, man.
I'm rehabilitated.
You can't do this to me.
All right.
Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging.
Flavor Exchange, this is Mindy.
Mindy, how you doing?
I'm calling for a dishwasher position.
Could you just call me Big Mindy?
I said, hi, Miss Mindy.
I'm calling about dishwasher position.
Okay, if that position's been filled,
then you're more than welcome to come in and fill out an application.
and we'll give us Monday through Friday from 7.30 to 3 o'clock.
Was it filled with her big fat ass?
You wish you knew, don't you?
I wish I do, don't I?
Perfect sense.
I wish I knew?
Labor Exchange.
Hello?
Hello?
Hi, Mindy?
This is Labor Exchange.
Oh, hi.
I was calling regarding a dishwasher position.
It's been filled.
Oh, is this Big Fat Mindy still?
I know my rights, and you can't just do that.
Yeah, la raza.
But you should know, you're so cool that I'm going to call you a culo.
You're just a piece of shit.
Culo.
Ha, ha, ha.
I'm getting the new numbers.
Hang on, guys.
Your own body doesn't back you up.
They just look at your ass.
Yeah.
This is for the raza.
Raza.
Yeah.
Hey, homie.
New Jack Hustler.
I'm getting tired, dude.
New Jack, New Jack, New Jack.
H-U-S-T-L-E-R, Hustler.
That's the song, right?
All right.
We got a Women's Business Association website, and they got numbers.
Yeah.
And the numbers don't open.
Yeah.
Right there.
There we go.
All right.
I got a list.
I don't have numbers, though.
There we go.
All right.
I gotta, I gotta sort this Excel spreadsheet, Jesus, here we go, yo, here we go, yo, so
what, so what, so what's the scenario, oh, I hate Office and I hate Excel, I hate Office
365, whatever the fuck they wanna call it now, I hate that.
I keep on moving and don't bother
So quick replace here
Come down to the slaughter
See me in the third wall
Six-fold Impala
Brush off the swag
That's the actual fact
That's the actual fact
Even if you, okay
Let's say you just want to talk about drugs in your chain
Okay
Back when Oriel for Cuba Links came out
Welcome to Catholic Charities
If you know your party's extension
Please dial it now
Or press zero for further assistance
Thank you
Using the dial pad
Please enter
One moment please
Good afternoon, Catholic Charities.
How may I help you?
Hi, Angelique wanted me to give a call to this number.
Angelique?
I don't...
Angelique?
One moment, please.
I don't need to talk to her, though.
See, we don't have anyone by that name.
Oh, well, I'm supposed to bring a sexual cake here to this Catholic Charities.
One moment.
Some kind of celebration, a sexual cake of some kind.
Okay, one moment.
Okay, bye.
Phone ringing.
Shit.
What do I do, guys?
What do I do?
Ghostface the whole album is drugs
Chains chicks
But it was also
They also had substance in it
Like a social commentary too
Along with that
Guys guys I'm sorry
Sorry I just had a phone call
Work related there to take
Hey
Stop playing music
I said I had a work related phone call
And then I had to go out
Down to my car to get a two liter
Coke Zero cause I love that shit
and uh fucking neighbor old man neighbor down there and it's all like that and he goes you
like cigars you like cigars still he remembers i just smoked cigars a lot in my car um when we
passed the law here in my house that weren't allowed to smoke inside the house anymore my
wife said she put her foot down big fat foot so i smoked in my car and i said no not really not so
much anymore and i said well i mean it's just too expensive you know he says oh well i was going to
give you a cigar like oh well i'll take a free cigar so i had to go over to his place now and
he gave me a fucking cohiba cigar a cohiba cigar a cuban cohiba cigar with the yellow band not the
that's funny that's a prank call i did once guys remember about the red dots yeah so not the
dominican cohiba the cuban cohiba nice cigar but it's dry as fuck he said he's had it for a couple
years which means he's probably had it for like 10 years this guy said he
doesn't smoke cigars and then he gave me a pack of swisher sweets also like okay
so we got one end of the spectrum to the other swisher sweets and fucking Fidel
Castro's favorite smoke when he used to smoke cigars still yeah get at me dog so
do you guys want me to do keep you guys do want me to keep you guys really want
want me to keep doing prank calls or you want me to call it a day i can stop doing the show let me
know in the chat rooms the united chat rooms of prank if you can say yay for staying or nay for
not staying and i'll go ahead and wait on you guys to do that because it's been kind of weak you know
maybe i should just let it go and do a show later next week or something
welcome to my world uh is it better than nothing at least i hope guys
Whose world is this?
The world is Carlos.
The world is Carlos's.
All right.
Got a fucking birthday party to go to now.
Fucking stupid birthday party.
For a kid.
Welcome to Catholic Charities.
If you know your party's extension, please dial it now or press zero for further assistance.
One moment, please.
Because I don't care.
I know my rights.
I'll stop doing the show right now.
Catholic Charities, Sue speaking.
How can I help you?
Hey, Big Sue.
I'm calling regarding the cake delivery.
Yeah, what are you with?
This is Cross.
I'm with International Cake Machines.
Okay.
And what were you calling in regards?
I was given an order here to deliver a sexual adult cake here.
I guess some type of event that's going on in the next four years.
Some type of event that we need a sexual cake for?
Yeah, it's like a nude 3D cake.
Wow.
wow and how did you get um information to send a cake here it was ordered i mean you need me to
let me look here the paper yeah angelique yeah but who ordered the cake rsvp coordinator it says
for catholic charities llc i guess it says really yeah i mean do you know are like the
or the priests they're gonna have like a sexual party oh no because you know i don't know you
know because sometimes the members of the priest you know the the flesh well they like that's
something you'd have to call them about it they have we don't have any priests here we're catholic
charities but you're not part of the and they have sexual i'm not catholic they have they have
sexual thoughts you know well you'd have to contact them to discuss that what are you jew
are you jew well i'm gonna let you go thanks you're disgusting great day
hussy i guess they're all talking about the sexual cake from 15 20 minutes ago
winona health switchboard may help you hey big girl i'm calling regarding uh let's see here
I had an Ann.
You're reaching the main switchboard for the clinic and the hospital?
Yeah, I have a cake here delivery for an Ann.
It's an adult sexual cake that's supposed to be delivered here.
Okay, to what department?
I don't know.
That's what I'm asking.
Put me through to Ann.
We don't have anybody here by that name.
Shit.
Did you order a vagina cake at all?
Is it because I said the shit word?
I'm gonna have to go again
I gotta go get like five beers
To be funny
Do you guys wanna hear
A drunk Carlito?
Say yay or nay in the chat room
The chat room
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Bitch
Spill and leave, hell in your chest, you feel me?
You can't beat me, kill me, I'll be back in the skies
The garden with my kicks filthy
Told you I was nice like Christ
The rap angels throw down ice
Planets, moons, quasars, and high-tech radars
You niggas on the grid while Jamie...
Hi, can I speak with, uh, I guess I have an Angela here
Who's, uh, made an order for a sexual cake
Um, just one moment, okay?
Okay, bye, honey
Hello, this is Mona
hi um is that angela no answer assistant can i help you well she ordered a cake here to be
delivered and i don't understand what the big deal is with um you know not answering and confirming
the cake well are you calling from i'm calling from international cake design business machines
okay and she ordered a vagina cake and till it did yeah it's a vagina a vagina cake of vanilla
Vanilla, marble cake with vanilla frosting, vagina, the shaved chocolate pubic hairs.
Okay.
Can I have her call you when she's back?
Well, what is she doing?
Well, she's not in the office.
What is she doing, I said?
I didn't ask where she is.
I said, what is she doing?
Traveling in her car to come back to Winona.
Well, this cake needs to be paid for.
Well, you know, if you leave me your number, I will...
Well, is this cake for you?
Do you have a thing with her?
Is that what it is?
A sexual relationship?
relationship no this is your office i'm trying to take a message oh that's funny give it to her
how i'm calling her at the number she left here and a woman here is you know sounds like you have
a sexual uh relationship with her maybe that's what's going on sure okay that's nice honey
is the vagina cake for you are you going to have a lesbian party or something is that what this is
wait a minute let me tell you something this is the law so it is not you're going to tell me
People have secretaries?
Yeah, people have sex in law offices.
People do cocaine.
People get vagina kicks.
Let me ask you a question.
What kind of call is this?
We've never had a call like this.
It's about the vaginal cake that was ordered by Angela whatever her name.
What's her name here?
Galewski?
What number did she give you?
Gajewski or something like that.
That's a very funny name.
Okay, so it's...
A fake name that she put a fake...
If you would be so kind as to leave me your number, I will have a fight with you.
She put a fake name in here.
I need to speak to her now, right now, now, now, and now.
Now.
Listen, I get pulled out of meetings all the time.
Conference me to her cell phone or her car phone, please.
I'll wait right here.
You have her number.
If you had to reach her right now, you have a phone you can reach her at, right?
You can't give it out to me, but you can hit the conference number.
You got to work with me here.
You got to work with me here.
You got to conference her in here to three of us, talk it over, and figure this out, honey.
We got to work this out.
You got to work with me, though.
You got to work with me.
That's it.
You got to work with me, and that's it.
That's it.
That's all there is to it.
I'm waiting.
I'm waiting for you to give me your telephone number.
No.
No.
Then I can't conference you.
Yes, you can.
I don't have conference capability.
My number's full.
She's driving in her car.
Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.
You decide what you want to do and you can call us back.
You got the number.
I have her number.
I got her number ending in 3341.
Is that right?
That's the office.
Correct.
7021.
Is that the number?
What kind of number you got there?
70.
If you don't want to leave me your number, you can try calling back later.
How long do you think it'll be until she's there?
That's up to you.
How long do you think it'll be until she's there, though?
Three hours away.
I'm calling her now.
Hold on the line, please.
I'm connecting her.
Don't you go anywhere.
Hello?
Why does she pick up and hang up the phone like that?
Hello?
I don't know.
She picked up the phone and hung up like that.
Why?
Does she not know how to use the phone, maybe?
I'll try calling her again.
But this is ridiculous.
This needs to be fixed.
Because I had this cake in.
It's going to go bad.
The labia is starting to wilt and everything on the cake.
Hello, you've reached the voicemail of Angie.
I'm unable to take a call right now.
If you leave me a message, your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as possible.
Thank you.
At the tone, please record your message.
When you've finished recording, you may hang up or press 1 for me.
I asked you a question.
Is that her?
Hello?
I'm talking to you.
Press 5.
What's her name?
Why is it being rude?
I'm not trying to be rude.
It's just that I'm trying to get this taken care of because there's a cake that needs to be picked up.
Well, you said...
I'm telling you that she's in her car on the road.
You told me to call her.
you told me you're her secretary and you told me to call her this number now she doesn't pick up
the phone what is this she's in the car traveling down the highway you get that why can't she hit
i have a phone in the car if you can't pick it up if you're that you know if you're that dense
or whatever i don't want to waste any more time with you you can call back we're not wasting time
we're not i'm not trying to waste time honey i'm trying to fix the situation i'm just trying to
fix the situation so that with the cake gets paid for so that she gets the cake that everybody's
happy with the cake it's a really good cake i put a lot of work into this cake i'm trying to call her
again but this is ridiculous that she doesn't pick up the phone you see what i mean hello yeah hi
angela yeah yeah your secretary i'm here with your secretary she told me to give you a call
okay who is this uh secretary what was your name what's your name did you order a vagina cake
cake angela what did you order a vagina cake a what cake a vagina cake no what's that it's that's
what i'm trying to tell this guy he said you ordered the cake he wants to get paid for the
cake and you've got a nice delivery what the hell it's the cake in a shape of a vagina it has
shaved chocolate for pubic hair it's a marble marble cake with vanilla frosting is this a joke
No, no, you have an order here for Angela that ordered a vagina cake
that your women were going to look at the cake and masturbate
and look at the cake together and eat it and masturbate
while you're looking at the cake.
Who is this?
No, I'm here right now.
I have the cake.
I have no...
Where are you from?
Angela.
International Business Cake Design Machines.
What the hell?
Don't use that language with me, you disgusting woman, you.
you angela he has your cell number and he has the office number where would he get those from
from her she put the order from you from you angela put this order in and now she doesn't
want to she's embarrassed that she got a vagina and adult uh uh sexual cake and now she's trying
to pretend like she didn't get it no don't you hang up motherfucker you no i command you not to
to hang up hello hello hello ma'am what the hell
hello so do you not want the cake then or i have no idea who you are and i don't know what cake
you're talking about i make sexual cakes i don't even i make sex i don't eat cake do you eat pussy
I don't eat cake.
I don't eat any cake.
Do you eat vagina?
Pussy?
Do you eat pussy?
Maybe that's what the confusion is.
No, I don't eat anything.
Have you ever?
I don't know what you're talking about.
No!
Who is this?
You've never been with a girl down the road?
How did you have to order?
A little...
I don't know.
Ma'am, you put the order in.
I don't know.
Did you take an Ambien and order a lesbian cake to eat?
No, I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
Do you sleep well?
Please leave my...
I'm calling a cop.
No, there's no need for that.
There's no need for that.
All right?
I'm calling the cops. No, we're not. No, I'm calling the car. No, no, I don't give you permission. No
No, no, yes, she did she's taking ambient in order
Okay, let me focus here
I want to hear that conversation with the Cubs
This man called about a vagina cake
He said I ordered a vagina cake
As the cop rolls his eyes or hers
I'm like, alright, yeah, whatever
This man has your work number
Your home number
Your call
call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.
Angie is not.
Angie, shit.
Okay.
I got more job numbers also.
Great.
Let's see.
We got a director of transportation, a realtor, a realtor, a realtor.
I think that's the number I just tried, the realtor, and it didn't work.
Let's try again.
your call has been forwarded to an automated
all right
store manager at a bank
no
church here we go
you know why
Hi, thank you for calling St. Mary's Catholic Church.
If you know your party's expansion, enter it now.
Your call is being transferred.
Hi, you've reached the voicemail of Anne, a pastoral associate at St. Mary's Church.
I will be at the mail Monday, June.
Your call is being transferred to the receptionist.
You've reached Janice, office manager at St. Mary's Parish.
I'm sorry, I am out of the office.
Monday, June 12th.
Nobody works there.
It's like body by Piper.
John Allen, Muhammad, Sniper.
It's a cost.
I'm cold.
It's the dog phone.
Nobody's nicer.
Shouts to Mr. Porter.
Get twisty.
See what this name is.
What is you saying?
I paid a lot.
Connecting.
Waiting.
Final.
Stupid number.
Take it too long to fucking ring and shit.
Everywhere I roam is home.
Life's my battleground.
Salah Houdin.
I'm totally not like wrestling.
Numbers.
Looking for numbers.
Numbers, here they go.
Nope, nope, nope, that's right, I'm not there, I'm here.
Not that any of you would know what I'm talking about.
A product manager, sure.
Thank you for calling J.R. Watkins.
You've reached April at extension 5966.
I'll be out of the office the week of June 5th.
For immediate assistance, please call April at extension 6966.
Who does people think they are not working and shit?
Who do they think they are?
Me?
Can't take time off of work like that.
Trying to do my second job.
Thank you for calling your American Red Cross.
Please listen carefully as our options have changed.
If you know your party's extension, please enter it in any time.
For a staff directory, please press the pound key.
For fire or natural disaster emergency, press 1.
For military emergencies, press 2.
If you are calling about our smoke alarm installation program, press 3.
If you are looking for CPR or first aid training, or need a replacement certificate, press 4.
I wasn't paying attention.
Please stay on the line while your call is transferred to the operator.
Executive Director is not available to take your call.
You fucking motherfucker.
Next.
Did you order a vagina cake, Angelo?
Riverside, may I help you?
This is Riverside, may I help you?
And I said hi.
Oh, hi.
Geez, I need to speak with Mandy.
I'm sorry.
It's okay, Mandy.
Yeah.
Oh, I didn't understand what you said.
It's okay.
Oh, baby.
Mandy is?
Mandy is not in this afternoon.
Oh, what's she doing?
Do you think, what does she think she's doing?
Uh, that wouldn't be...
Do you think she's being with a man right now?
I think I'm going to hang up now.
No, I don't think so.
I think this.
I think that.
Do you think?
May I help you?
Hello, this is a completely different person.
I'm calling regarding a cake that's being delivered.
Who's calling, please?
My name is Rex.
I'm calling regarding a cake that's being delivered here.
It was ordered by Mandy.
Where are you from?
I mean, what business?
What are you...
International Cake Boss Machine?
international cake boss machines you didn't put you didn't put the order so you wouldn't be
aware of it you know no so why would you say that um it's because the cake is supposed to
deliver tomorrow and we need to confirm it um on the sexual cakes need to be confirmed this is for
a vagina cake and we need to make sure that they're confirmed before because we've had a lot
of people pranking ordering like sexual penis cakes and vagina cakes and yeah would you like
I'd like to talk to our city department.
Well, hurry up and put them on.
I hope it's a man.
Okay.
I'll let you talk to him.
Hurry up.
Pardon?
Hurry up.
You're rude, bitch.
Fuck you.
One of the most mysterious things ever written is the revelation or the apocalypse.
The Bible features apocalyptic symbols and secrets.
Beside, may I help you?
Hi, sexual organs.
I need to speak with Corey, please.
Just a moment.
With you in just a moment.
That's her with her dildo up her ass right now.
Thanks for calling Riverside Electronics.
Your call is important.
Trying to get in touch with him.
I bet you are touching him all the time.
Oh, yeah.
You just...
Never mind.
No, I mind.
I mind.
And women do as they're told.
Put him on the phone.
Let's go.
No.
Yes, I said.
I command you.
Labia.
Plans are underway right now to be...
Here comes Nunu in the chat room to give me bum numbers that everyone else has called.
Yay!
And thank you for calling Riverside Electronics.
We're a worldwide leading provider of electronic manufacturing services.
Your call is important to us, and someone will be with you shortly.
Riverside Electronics is an established, fast-paced contract manufacturer of electronic and electromechanical assemblies.
We have 300-plus employees with two facilities in beautiful southeastern Minnesota.
Our corporate office is in Lewiston, Minnesota.
The 80,000-square-foot production floor is humidity-controlled.
I'm going to go get a beer.
Hopefully, when I get back, it's still on hold.
If not, oh, well.
dedicated engineers, technicians, and assemblers
who are trained to use IPC workmanship standards.
Our second facility is in Rushford, Minnesota.
That's 30,000 square feet.
You know, I'm having a hard time trying to find somebody for you to talk to.
Hello?
I said I'm having a hard time finding somebody to put you through to.
Because you're a woman, you don't know how to make things go, make the computer work.
Now, I heard it from across the room.
I'll be right back, guys.
Hi, and thank you for calling.
Complex order fulfillment and distribution services are required.
Riverside Partners with the sister company
Riverside
Did I miss anything?
Hang on, headphones on
Hold on, hold on, hold on
Now I gotta pee
I gotta pee
Go hang on
God damn it, now I gotta pee
I gotta pee now, guys
Bye
Be right back
Alright, I'm back
What are we gonna do?
More pranks?
You want more pranks or no?
Let me know
I don't got time to be dealing with fucking dicks
If you guys don't want me to do pranks
Go away and do something else
And tell me so I can go
and yeah uh i unblocked you bro but i don't want to see that shit anymore that's the second time
the first time because i thought i recognized you i didn't like you and this time you put some shit
in that channel let me tell you something here motherfucker i don't want to see anything having
to do with those people again in this motherfucker again the next time i'm going to make a specific
uh clear to everyone to keep you blocked from posting in the mixer chat not that it's even
been used that much anymore because those people don't have those people are always uh whining and
complaining they like they like to troll and make fun of shit and talk shit until they start getting
messed with back and then they start oh it's not fair we're gonna destroy your life act like a
bunch of bitches the minute they get touched back after they get ignored for months and months every
fucking time never learned a lesson fuck let me see that shit from you again motherfucker
So more about these
More with these women
Working women
Let's see
Peerless chain
What the hell is a peerless chain?
Sounds like some fucking
Dark web money shit
I ain't gonna call that
New Skin Enterprises
Of course a woman
Runs that company
I'm calling about skin
This is Beverly
You hang up on me
Fucker
oh someone bought it cool all right that's cool all right never mind i like those guys they're
cool guys my bad my bad it's taking so long call different because this is a hose taking way too
fucking long oh is there a big vote today in the uk yeah hey how you doing honey i'm calling about
that i'm calling about that new skin this is cross i'm calling about that new skin okay you sell that
yes i do okay is it good for p i have a woman here that has a skin problem i'm trying to fix it
hello yes i'm here let's go let's go i'm calling about a woman with a skin problem trying to see
if your product will help her this is where you asked me what the skin problem is and i'm sorry
who are you again cross c-r-o-s-s cross okay um and how did you find my name it's in the book in
the book for new skin enterprises okay and who referred you i guess the book okay and what is
the problem uh she has like dark skin you know like black okay so i'm trying to fix that okay
and because i dumped i've dumped a bunch of palm olive on her and i put them inside a big bucket
and i tried scrubbing her with a toilet brush and it doesn't come off i don't know if this is
what kind of joke this is well this is the problem with women independent businesses you
know what i mean this is exactly what the problem is exactly exactly
I think I'm going to fart, guys.
Let's see.
Success.
Hi, you've reached Brenda,
Senior Sales Director
of Mary Kay Cosmetics.
Hi, fuck you.
California nose and hair
Mmm I love me some nose and hair
Nails and hair
Ah forget it
Thank you for calling
Admission Salon
Please listen to the following methods
To reach your current stylist
For nails and pedicures
Please press 6 for Janice
If you do not have a stylist in the salon
Please press 0
For Mitch, press 1.
For Tracy, press 2.
For...
Mitch!
You know what I'm gonna say, guys?
Hello, it's Mitch.
Hey, bitch, how you doing?
Good.
Good, I'm calling about them nails and hair.
Those what?
The nails and hair.
California nails and hair?
Mm-hmm.
They're...
You'd press 6 for Janice.
What do you do?
Uh, I don't have time to talk right now, so...
What do you do, motherfucker?
God damn.
You're going to have time to talk.
That's what you do?
I was sitting in my bed all day and playing Mega Man.
Thank you for calling Ambition Salon.
Please reach the voicemail of Janice Hackson.
I'm...
How about we call that attorney back?
Yeah?
Yeah.
running out of time on the east coast man running out of time in general in general no more time no
time to take a break just time to end the show pretty soon let's move off of this list here
it seems like lately whenever i try to do a show i get nothing but like interruptions
sucks i got more job numbers though from parkman bread baker yeah i'm sorry the person you are
trying to reach has a voicemail box that has not been set up yet please try your call again later
Goodbye, heavy equipment mechanic.
Nunu sending in lots of numbers.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Fucking asshole.
Fucking milkman message.
Aww.
Unformatted numbers from Nunu.
Yay.
No answer there.
Moving on to...
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Moving on to a different person.
Hello?
Hello, Ms. Pohl.
Hello?
Ms. Pohl, hello.
I'm calling from the United Nations Voting Machine Registration.
I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
Is that Ms. Pohl?
Hi, I'm calling from the voting machines.
Calling to confirm if you voted in the election or not.
I'm with United Voting Machines.
We're calling to...
What do they say?
We're calling to confirm about your vote today.
Vote today?
Yes, the vote, the election.
Yes.
Did you vote?
But why?
We have to confirm it because all the votes got lost.
We're not going to be able to count your vote unless we know.
Oh, well, I didn't vote today.
You bitch.
Am I?
You're a bitch for not voting.
And you're bowling?
No, you're fucking stupid.
You have an hour left to go vote.
Do it now, I command you.
In the name of the king.
Get out.
In the name of the king and the Continental Congress.
Okay.
Yeah.
Get stuff. Do you know what that means?
Mm-hmm. Get stuff.
Hello.
Hi, Ms. Poll.
Yes.
Calling regarding the vote today. I'm with International Voting Machines.
Yes, okay. Well, I've already done that, thank you.
Done what? You didn't vote. No, that's why I'm calling.
Yes, I did. I did, actually.
There's an error with the voting machines.
Oh, I walked up to the polling station and did it there.
You did not vote. You didn't.
The machines broke.
You stupid. You stupid.
Well, I was at the doctor's most of the time.
I do know what I did and what I didn't do.
What's wrong with your vagina?
Pall-mouthed.
Because I'm horny.
You know what that means?
Oh, right.
Well, go and stick it in something else.
Leave me alone, please.
It's Paul.
Go and stick it in something else.
What am I sticking it in now?
It's just saying.
I'm not funny at all.
I don't think I'm funny, really.
I hate it.
I keep saying that.
Jesus.
Trying to get drunk as fast as possible.
Hello?
Welcome to BT Onsa 154B.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I wish I had friends that would join me to do pranks when I did a show.
Because every time everyone else has a show,
oh, so many people want to help and call and ideas and everything.
And no one helping me making calls.
No one cares about me.
No one worries about me.
No one helps me.
Only Nunu and Parkman.
And that's it.
Not even Milkman wants to help.
Welcome to BT Answer 1571.
The person you're calling is not available.
Please leave a message or be...
Yeah, not even the people helping me by answering.
Next.
T-Pole, also known as T'Pol.
I was supposed to be in Puerto Rico this week, but that didn't work out, did it?
I got to be here in America with all you people.
Welcome to BT Answer 1571.
that's it 84 people that's it welcome to bt answer 1571 it was 91 but i suck so bad
welcome to bt answer 15 aj says i love your show man you're awesome thank you aj
AJ409357254834
I appreciate that.
Hello?
Hello, Mohammed?
Hello?
Mr. or Mrs. Mohammed?
Sharmuta!
How about some new music?
This is really bumming me out.
How about some Public Enemy?
Yeah.
Now we're calling A.A. Mohammed, also known as Al Mohammed.
Stalin like a charm.
Stalin without the charm.
Armpits stink.
That's because you're dying.
Your body can no longer filter out the toxins via the kidney filtration process.
COPD and such, all contributing.
It's okay.
Welcome to BT-Answer 140.
I recommend a cotton swab with milk of magnesia under your pits.
I'm sorry, Stalin.
I'm sorry.
Dude, that's fucked up.
I got love for you, bro.
I'm sorry.
I was trying to be funny.
Obviously, if you've listened to the show, it's not working for me today.
I'm willing to work it out.
I am drunk, yeah.
What?
And I got to go to my nephew's birthday party.
Can't wait to fall down drunk at my nephew's birthday party and sexually harass my sister-in-law.
Huh?
Jesus Christ.
Thank God my wife doesn't listen to these shows anymore.
Am I right?
They have BT call filtering.
All right, so what do I got to do?
I got to spoof my number as a UK number?
You tell me, smart guy, whoever sent that and desktop notification.
I don't know where it came from.
You tell me.
What do I do?
You gotta work with me. I guess I should change it to be like four four something. Maybe let's try
I don't even know how many digits are in the UK number. We'll do that. I change it to four four
But it should be double. Oh, maybe I think you can ever start with double. Oh
Because they're always like double little double four double four
Sorry, if you want to access your messaging service from home. Oh, I spoofed it correctly
Cuz I call that number from its own it works
so hard right now let's call these numbers all over again from the top hello sorry if you want
to access your messaging service from home okay you're really starting to piss me off now computer
come on come on stop it come on hello
Mohammed
Salam alaikum, Mr. Mohammed
Yes
Hi, I'm calling from International Voting Machines
I understand you did not vote in today's election
No, I voted
Did you vote postal vote?
Okay, we need you to come in and vote before the top of the hour
Because the voting is going to be closed and all postal votes
I've already voted
It's rejected
Rejected. Rejected. You didn't do it correctly.
That's okay. I have no time to come now.
No, you have to come, motherfucker.
Bugger off, you bloody idiot.
I don't know who you are. I got your number as well.
Sharmuta, you motherfucker.
I got your bloody number as well, you bastard.
You come vote now, motherfucker.
I'll come there within half an hour, you son of a bitch.
Half an hour.
Go to the hell, motherfucker.
I'll cut your bloody balls when I come there, you son of a bitch.
Come do it, motherfucker, Sharmuta.
Well, that worked.
I guess that worked.
Thank you, whoever suggested that with the number.
Bloody balls, hello your call cannot be taken at the moment. Hello
That was not a gone do that his name is Muhammad he's a Muslim he's a Muslim he's a sand
Hello your call cannot be taken at the moment now I'm getting drunk down feeling funny now
I got to end the show in like 20 minutes because my fucking wife
So, please leave your message after the phone.
Ah!
Shut, shut, shut him down.
Shut him down.
Shut, shut, shut him down.
Shut, shut, shut him down.
What it takes.
Hello.
Your call cannot be taken at the moment.
So, please leave your message after the phone.
Motherfucker.
Here's another Mohammed.
I'm working on getting out of this birthday party thing.
So, I can keep doing the show.
If not, sorry.
Hello.
Your call cannot be taken at the moment.
Like they're only ringing twice now. I wonder if I'm still being intercepted block. I thought I fixed that Elkie. I see you, man
I'm trying to get to you burning through
Noonoo, I don't know if they're working or not man. I can't now cuz you're on a crunch for time
Let me see what this answer is. Oh, yes. I have to go
fuck yeah yeah hell fuck yeah hell fuck up shut it down shut it down motherfucker
your call cannot be completed at dial please check the number and dial again
trucking hi i'm looking for a trucking job um past age are you yeah you have to have two
minimum two years of experience i do but i got pulled off a truck like 30 minutes ago
What do you mean?
I was on a truck, and they pulled me off the truck.
Yeah, you just have to come in and file an application.
Just make sure you have a new D&D printout.
Are you going to need to speak to my current employer for my previous employer?
You don't need to do that.
Thank God, because they would give such a bad review after what just happened right now.
What happened?
I'll let you know after, like, the truck gets taken out of the building.
I'm not sure how much damage happened.
Was it your fault?
I, to be honest, I think it's the building's fault.
I don't know who put that building there.
Spilled my beer all over myself and everything.
Who the fuck's going to pay for this cleaning bill now?
I guess you.
I guess not.
I guess not because I'm a man.
All right?
I'm a man.
And the plane lands and first class and coach land at the same time.
So you were drinking on the job.
Would define job, define drinking.
drinking on the job i was taking mouthfuls of beer and holding them under my tongue
for 30 seconds at a time and spitting them out so no i wasn't drinking but like the alcohol
still transfers onto the tongue you know well have you ever heard of a wine enema not well
that's how it works labia you know you know what is labia it's the the lips of the the pairs of
a lips uh that the vulva has in in this vicinity the vulva okay so you're drinking on a job you
hit a building the building hit me the building hit me you and you're obviously drunk and you
want to apply for our company and i'm asking you about your labia i don't i don't really want to
give you my labia information your labia information yeah what do you need to know
about my labia what's your favorite labia the menorah or the majora what does that even mean
well what's your favorite one out of the out of those labia uh if i were to choose a labia
i would choose the first one the menorah the labia menorah you're saying well what do you
mean by the first one from the outside or the inside well that's um i'm not that's the wrong
answer the correct answer is the clitoris the clitoris you know the clitoris okay so you hit
a building and you think that you could call here or the sorry the building hit you and you want to
talk about a clitoris on the phone with me and then ask for a job well i mean you're not a man
so obviously whatever i say to you doesn't matter i was thinking oh really no i'm realist no you're
sexist and we would never hire ma'am i don't need a man a woman talking to me about sexy that i'm
this sexy or that i'm a married man you just said it and i'm a married man just to let you know
whoa whoa whoa pump your brakes the manager is there something i can do for you uh there's no
wo and manager this sounds like the same person i was just talking to definitely not oh so what's
your favorite labia your mom you do that you like girls you do that yeah okay cool yeah you can fuck
my mom you want a scissor you know what scissoring scissoring is i am drunk i'm gonna be so drunk on
my nephew's party i'm gonna make it so that they never invite me again yeah i'll do the i'll do
more show from there on skype on my phone y'all can hear it sure sure sure i'm gonna show sure
sure sure sure that's what i'm gonna say melbourne florida motherfucker my favorite part of rap
concerts oh i could do this one i'm calling for sales associates bakersfield okay is there
Is there something I can help you with?
I'm looking for a job.
Okay.
Stupid.
What can I answer for you?
What would you like to know about me?
Nothing.
You can come down and fill out an application.
Then why do you put the phone number here if it's just to come down and fill out an application?
Why don't you just put that in?
Who put this in my computer to read?
You?
Must have been.
You caught me.
Stupid.
Stupid.
How much experience do you need to have as sales associate your stupid company?
Labia.
Labia.
Cunt.
women women masturbating watching each other oral sex on women hello obama oh hello hello
all right now i want to do a show now i'm all hyped up i got my buzz on now i gotta go fucking
go to a fucking kids fucking party yeah fucking kid won't even remember it everybody everyone do
do it yeah oh yeah motherfucking nigger that's what it said letter from the government
here's your fucking check i'm gonna have a fun time at this party hey motherfucker i'm calling
for a job yeah down yeah i'll punch you in the cunt there you go that's that's the spirit i'll
put a little little bit of tabasco sauce on it first then i'll punch it so i don't get crabs
so i don't get crabs from you lesbians over there working in a trucking company all women
Women will work as truckers or lesbians.
You caught me.
Yeah.
All right.
Bye, honey.
Bye.
I didn't mean to call you, though.
I'm sorry, honey.
Whatever you need to do, sir.
Oh, yeah.
You know what I need to do right now?
I'm going to start by...
I really want to know to be...
I'm going to unbuckle my...
Start by unbuckling my belt.
Hey, I'm trying to run a business here.
If you've got nothing better to do,
I can suggest maybe looking up some 900 numbers.
You have a good day, and please...
I don't have a credit card.
card that's maxed out so i call not surprised yeah i'm starting by unbuckling my pants and
pulling down my pants and underwears and my pants are on my ankles but there's nothing there
oh shit for real though you're right so um i'm trying to work stop calling okay go back to filing
your nails bye honey did i need to file my nails yeah you do big fucking dyke hurts the girls when
you finger them when you got them big nails on you haven't had an incomplete yeah right bye
Anyway.
Fucking bitch pissing me off.
Called the wrong number.
Oh, I called it again.
Whoops, whoops, whoops.
I got to learn to control C, you know what I'm saying?
I better wrap it up after this call because I got to go.
My wife will get here back.
Why is everything here?
Why are there so many beer bottles around?
See if you can talk her into letting me stay and then I'll go back on there.
There's so many big, bad containers here.
Hi, you've reached DocuFunction and Herbs, our office hours.
Herbs?
All right, one more, one more, one more.
I'm a black man.
oh normal call clearing bullshit all right i gotta go i gotta go i'm sorry y'all i'll try to
see if i can come back on later today night i don't know go to hell thanks for listening though

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