Customer Service

This is basic civil defense information from the Department of Defense, Office of Civil Defense, Washington.

If the United States should be attacked with nuclear weapons,

it's almost certain that our networks of warning stations would detect incoming bombers or missiles

in time for you to reach shelter or at least take cover.

You may receive warning of an attack by radio, television, or through the outdoor warning system in your community.

It's important that you learn to recognize the attack warning signal and not confuse it with any other.

In most places, the standard attack warning signal is a three to five minute wavering sound

or a series of short blasts on whistles, horns, or other devices.

Either of these signals means that an actual enemy attack has been detected

and you should take protective action immediately.

find out from your local civil defense office the attack warning system that will be used in

your community hello everybody i'm carlita i am a host of a radio show called madhouse radio

you thank you thanks everyone for clapping i'm joined uh here with uh matt hillock matt hillock

yeah matt hillock all right everybody maybe he's pooping oh i'm joined with uh zax

Hello, I hear an echo, I hear my voice, I hear an echo.

You have an echo?

Yeah, I think it's coming up for you.

Bad echo, bad echo?

No, it's gone now.

Good, good, I'll work on it, I'll work on it.

It's gone, it's gone, I don't think it's there.

Chill out, chill out.

Zax, why don't you tell us who else is online, because I can't see it right now.

Yeah, there's Askba and Nashby, but I don't know them.

Hey guys, how you doing?

It's an honor to be on the show tonight with you Carlito

Hey Big Pump, how you doing?

I'm alright bud, how are you?

Good, good, I'm substituting for Big Dwight McClanahan

He's out enjoying a pickle tonight, I understand, something like that

So we're here

Okay

No, he's out having a cheat day on his diet and watching wrestling

So we are holding it down

Wanted to make sure that all his fucking fans

Excuse me, I'm just taking a shit.

We're covered.

In the middle of the intros and stuff playing there, and my headphones broke.

My headset broke, man.

That's not cool.

You know, those have been with me for a long time, for like eight years.

Now what do I do?

I don't know.

I had to run upstairs and get like one of those earbud things.

This is not the same.

I hear myself in my head.

Shut up.

uh yeah i'm here all right palindrome's here who else is here let's see uh olga's here

clay speaking of broken headphones clay's here also i don't know if we talk about that anyway

i got nothing really planned um i got incoming calls coming in from the producer he's going to

be hooking up with those uh he's going to be in and out off and in let me give him the heads up to

get those kicked off ready for them incoming call all right cool hey what's up um how are you

hi buddy good to hear you oh this sounds so weird and earbuds god this sucks man it's giving me a

headache anyway so everyone be sure to check out madhouselife.com my website and i just updated

I did four podcasts thanks to people like Olga and AXPA for helping me edit stuff.

There's a whole bunch more that are going to come out.

I don't want to just start dropping them all at once because then a lot of them get lost.

So I figure three or four at a time here.

I think in the next few weeks we'll be completely caught up.

Completely caught up.

Finally.

There's still like nine episodes that are edited.

Jesus Christ.

All right.

We had a good drop in the bucket tonight though.

So I made some changes to the madhouselife.com website.

Check that out.

Shoutcast is operational.

It's working now.

You can tune in at shoutcast over at the madhouselife.com.

There's a player there.

There's also a phone number you can dial to listen to the show.

And you can listen to Madhouse Radio 24-7 wherever you are.

If you don't have access to a computer even, you can go to that site.

Rather, you can call that number, which is listed on the website.

Call in and just listen.

There's no charge unless you're going to get charged minutes or something if you have one of the 1990s plans on your phone.

The number is 605-475-0097.

605-475-0097.

While we're at it, be sure to send your donations over to Dwight McClanahan.

He usually, at the start of a show, gives that out.

He usually thanks everyone who's donated.

I have no idea because I'm not Dwight McClanahan, and I don't have access to that stuff.

That's his business.

But thanks on his behalf for everyone who donates and helps him out there.

And you can also hit him up over at paypal.me slash, what is it, DwightPCN?

Paypal.me slash DwightPCN.

You can also go to janitordwight.com, get your information stolen by the Chinese.

Here's an incoming call.

Let's do it.

All right, great.

Yay, it didn't work.

Woo-yah!

It's a tiny chat tonight as well.

You want to fire up your tiny chat?

Yeah, we got it going.

Weeping angels in there.

Like, when I logged in there, he was already there.

It's weird.

You think he just hangs out there?

I am being very nice.

It's nice to see him.

He's a good guy.

That's Zach's Intel, right?

Zach's Intel.

Yes, tinychat.com forward slash Zach's Intel.

do all right cool uh zex do you still do your twitch thing at all or is that just a bike on

era yeah pretty much yeah pretty much all right well fuck it right i didn't i don't really have

the internet to be able to play well on stream at the same time you're certainly not gonna have

the internet anymore in your new map oh okay well i'm moving away further away from the internet

net exchange so it's gonna get worse really how are you gonna play wow i think you can play shit

you just can't stream it at the same time right yeah like i can't stream like even like 720 it's

50 frames a second while like playing because the upload speed i just don't have the upload speed

while i'm downloading okay cool i've invited a bunch more people to the call uh the regulars

are usually on dwight's show my regulars uh same people uh baz said he tried to join us at the

second half of the show so maybe like in an hour or so that's not the halfway point i started late

because of the technical things trying to set up the incoming calls hopefully that works another

announcement that i'm testing out uh youtube live again you're not going to see video of me for the

time being but you can at least uh tune in and stream there if you want it's not any different

for them being on mixer or whatnot but just in case you say there's no music right no music that's

right you just hear sound effects is there like this background music then uh-huh say what is

there like this background just no it's just everything except the music so me you the people

are calling the sound effects the farting hello customer services my name is machine hello hi

I'm a sheen.

Hi, how are you?

What's going on?

Oh, I'm just here.

I'm touching my sexual organs.

How are you?

I don't know.

Thank you.

I don't know.

So I don't know what's happening.

So I just, they said press run, and I did, and I got it.

So I'm just wondering what's going on.

Oh, yeah, I'm here.

So if you have, like, some kind of, if you're feeling, like, sexually attracted right now

or excited then i'll describe section i was just sitting down here going to get my face ready for

church you're gonna get now at this time i was waiting so when is church when is church tomorrow

though yeah you get your face ready now yeah i have to get it beautiful so what do you do now

do you put okay what makeup do you put on now yeah i don't know i don't know what all you want

Oh, well, no, I'm here, like, you connect to me if you're horny, and then I describe sexual acts to you, you know, while you touch me.

What do I have to do?

You just have to pull down your pants and panties and touch your private parts while I talk to you.

Do what now?

You pull down your pants and your panties and touch your private parts while I talk to you.

Oh, don't go that way.

Well, that's what this phone line is for, sexual talking.

came oh okay well i'm gonna hang up because i don't want to pull down my pan oh how big are

how about your breasts how big are they you could have told her an erotic story about people with

with all night makeup boy now we know it is really a dwight show so what do you have the

the ad or the call-in for uh it's you know the call-in it's it's this uh bot that calls out like

a phone thing it's hey you've won an offer oh okay it's not you do it it's not yeah yeah it's

like bummer jay's happy dude yeah greetings friend so it's not really doing anything about

sexual organs you got it buddy you got the balls it needs to be the you need to rip the

Homer Greene's friend, the happy dude.

Didn't he just want donations of like a dollar or something?

Yeah, just send $1 to happy dude at the 555 Evergreen Terrace, any town you'll say.

What was the, um, what was, wasn't that Professor Frank's machine?

And didn't he end up getting to get activated to come back?

He's like, that's like the auto dialer 9000.

that's that's supposed to uh uh alert children about school closings and what this is not what

you're for he's like you're not designed for this and then and then it went wheeling out

however said not so fast buddy and broke off his leg god damn there's another one uh matt do you

want it you seem to like this idea yeah yeah cool here you go hello hey steven this is the

second time i have said put me on your do not call list you're a fucking list lady you're a list i'm

gonna keep calling i'm gonna keep calling i'm like fucking goddamn ferris bueller i'm gonna

keep calling cameron until he fucking picks me up he's gonna keep calling he's gonna call and

got another call hello customer service my name is horse how can i help you what company is this

This is Customer Service LLC.

Customer Service for who?

Well, that's the name of our company, Customer Service LLC.

Well, what did you want with me?

Well, I'm here.

You know, if you wanted to touch your sexual parts while I talk to you, describe a sexual act to you.

Poor thing.

This is my job.

I'm not poor.

I have money.

I think I hear coins getting slapped together.

I have a prayer book, so I will send out prayers for your salvation.

You may as well.

And I hope and pray to God that you can find decent employment and not do stuff like this.

This is disgusting.

Shame on you.

What about your mother?

Hey, hey, hey, the prayer book.

The prayer book.

Are the pages two-ply so I can wipe my ass with them?

Well, what about your mother?

What does she think of this?

Would you talk about my mother, motherfucker, you?

That is just so embarrassing.

You old bitch.

Shame on you.

I don't have a mother.

Shame on you.

And what about your father?

What would he think of this?

I don't really have a prayer, bro.

Give me a prayer.

My father is an asshole.

I don't talk to him.

He's all up.

Well, that is very sad.

Do you want to ask what my wife thinks?

We can put her on the line.

No, I don't ask anyone else.

Hello?

Do you have children?

Hello?

Not the wooden.

Who is this?

It's a party line.

Hello?

Yes, I just got a phone call.

Who is this?

Well, you're reversing the, uh...

Psychology.

I get it.

All right, you're a smart one.

I'm hanging up now.

Could you please read a prayer, sweetheart?

Please read a prayer.

Hey, jerk-off, what do you want?

Hey, you, guy.

Hey, the guy on the phone.

I'm talking to you.

The shy dick one.

The cat got his throat.

Okay, well, we'll see you later there, buddy.

People on the line.

He just wants to listen like a pervert.

I'm just going to listen to that goddamn thing.

I don't know.

I'm going to get to the bottom of it.

That lady did say do what now.

International Horse Machines, my name is Matt Hillock.

How can I help you?

I'd like to slap you in the face.

How about that?

What'd you say?

I said I'd like to slap you in the face, Bubba.

Okay, all right, I have your permission.

You do.

It's a verbal contract.

Yes, you do.

All right, and no retribution.

You can't defend yourself for anything.

You're welcome.

You know, I think they're all going to be old people,

because only old people would call this shit back.

What was the name of Frank's telephone machine?

The what?

Frank?

Crank? Oh, it's like the

Callmatic 9th.

I don't know. I can look it up.

Callmatic 3000, I think.

Here's another one. I'll just look up

Freaky X. Who wants one?

Zax, you can do one now. Oh, they hung

up. I took too long.

Anyway, this is interesting. The problem

is I can't do outgoing calls as I'm

getting incoming calls. I can do them,

but no one... It's the

AT5000, and I'm looking

at the picture of it.

I'm just trying to find the audio

oh yeah 85 now i'm just looking at a picture of it homer's auto dialer here we go let's hear this

greetings friend hadley diddly uh was that darn recording again of course it was it's been calling

all night just unplug the phone oddly dang i told you to unplug the phone but it could be my mother

i'd shoot that is it ned if you don't unplug that phone right now you're sleeping on the lawn

um doesn't he hate his mother i thought he didn't like it i thought his parents are like those

hipsters oh yeah

when they go to the thing they're like our kids out of control like we're trying nothing

and it's just not working all right yeah and uh very very nasty language he was using too

That's an older episode because Mrs. Flanders is still alive.

Maud.

Remember fucking Homer?

Like when he had the party and he was all drunk and he was looking at her shirt, the candy dish,

and he was like, like, reaching out in the bottom and grab one of the peanuts way down there.

He's like, uh, uh, uh.

There's like, it's like a Homer party one.

It's really old because he sleeps on the floor and there's like a garbage angel.

Axpo, you want one?

Are you around?

expo oh yeah yeah i'll take one oh here we go hello customer service how can i help you

hello customer service hello yeah i guess that's the way it started with this customer service i

didn't know you don't have to i mean i don't have to but yeah but i like it i can hire maybe

save my name now can i help you this evening you don't have to say your name either sometimes i

What's your fucking problem?

Matt, fuck it.

Why do you call me?

Waking me up.

Here we go.

Back on.

Thank you for calling customer service.

How can I help you?

Hello?

Can I get them next time?

I think it's the same goddamn person.

I like this.

I like some xylophone-y ass music.

That's a hard instrument to play.

You just hear it.

you don't think it's harder than uh calling back yeah what you want on my phone why are you playing

another one here's another one why are you playing on my phone oh they're all ending them uh-oh okay

all right i don't think that's the way you have to wait you have to wait for the do-do

that's when you're oh okay all right i see some more filtering in uh digging i'm digging this

music hello please like a jazz ball all right matt here we go well yeah hello

why are you playing on my phone they're all hanging up yeah i'm gonna stop i don't know

if it's a technical problem or if they're just all hanging up hello how can they

try to do an indian voice you have it

greaseman says call trump how am i supposed to call trump how old are you 12

no seriously call god and tell him he's fake call the god yeah

call kim jong-un yeah well i'm at it right tell them no missiles man my mom was all worried

they they saying they got missiles that can come to fucking chicago i'm like customer service this

number is supposed to be on your do not call list so what i would like to speak to your supervisor

here we go again i'll put you through to matt hillock just a moment you'll bridge

rich bridge hey hey there toots what's your problem hello hello i heard we had another

complainer on the line hello okay all right yeah we're not supposed to give out matt's name because

it could get traced back my bad my bad all right matt don't use your real name use that other

use your shylock oh he's fucking yeah well just don't say your first and last name at all oh okay

Just say a random silly thing, like Cesar Romero or something like that, you know?

Okay, Cesar Romero.

I don't know why I said Cesar Romero, but I've been watching a lot of old Batman lately.

All right, let's all be in our best behavior for this next call.

How about just be Jesus for this one?

Thank you for calling the White House comment line.

The office is closed.

Your comment is important to the president.

president please call back i guess we can't talk to trump i tried i like the what are you 12

okay um fosco grubs give me something can i can i talk please who's this who's asking sorry

this is robber vance oh hey what's up bob vance hey dude are you talking like a chinaman dude i'm

I'm on the radio, dude.

All right, here you go.

Hello.

Hello, customer service.

This is Robert.

How can I help you?

No.

I don't know if it's one person doing that.

Hey, Carlito.

Sir.

This dude sent me this number and said this guy is great, Fosco Grub.

He said, I called this dude earlier.

He's easily triggered.

But you're accepting calls right now, so you don't want to call him.

I can for a second.

That's fine.

Okay.

Real quick.

Fosco Grub.

I've seen him around.

Don't know much about him.

you know this guy's name's jason zimmer i don't know how to show his photo with you uh don't need

the photo as much as the number let's see i got it uh he lives in monroville ohio too late too late

he's married uh okay robert vance you're on when you hear it that's you okay all right that not

nope nope hung up again shit i didn't i didn't realize it picked up no no no it was uh they hung

up they're hanging up there a lot of them are hanging up before it uh at right after connects

not sure what's going on okay here's this number what's the name again matt oh jesus jason zimmerman

you're reached jason zimmerman with zimmerman pole barns and decks please leave your name

married to tamra it's a dyke hey never mind got it got it got it we tried their fosco

maybe we'll bring them back later all right the producer confirms it looks to be i'm presuming

it sounded like it's an issue with the callers hanging up we're not doing anything bad none of

you. You all are doing really good. I'm very

proud of all of you on the line right now.

They're doing it. They're the shy dicks.

They don't want to be broadcast on the

internet.

Little Jimi Hendrix.

And we will

look here.

The swap shop. Let's see what we

got.

We got a 30 bass amp for sale.

Do you know anything about amps?

What the fuck?

Incoming. Robert Vance is on.

Here we go.

all right hello this is robert vance with customer service how can i help you hello

here's an amp an amp so many do the do an indian voice so many that's who they're looking to yell

at indians expecting indians i think they'd really let it if anyone in the united chat

groups can let me phone too loud am i too loud the music etc matt's always loud and talking oh

Oh, are they saying that?

I'm like, like, damn near flitting my mic most of the time.

Can't hear the incoming calls on YouTube.

Whoops.

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voicemail.

I didn't think about that.

That's right.

You get the white set up.

You can't hear the incoming calls.

We're doing shit.

It's a learning curve, my friend.

All right.

Let me try to add with music.

We're going balls, full balls right now, Matt and everyone out there.

I'm adding the music until they kick us off.

Fuck it.

you know what i mean here we go just um this is a remix cd anyway i was gonna say dude we're

remixes and they're like jazzy like that sounded like like you know public release type shit yeah

well yeah well this here is like a free cd that you can download online this guy makes a mix

And, like, Rappi's always good to play.

I know you don't really fuck with Rappi.

Well, dude, sometimes it's not even the artists.

It's just, like, underground-y shit.

They won't flag it.

All right, look, we're here.

We'll see.

Let's see how long it goes for.

YouTubers, keep me advised.

Fingers crossed, Joe.

You're going to hear the whole thing now.

Enjoy while you can.

All right.

We were calling for an amp.

We'll try that again.

Nope, nope, not when I don't dial one.

Man, do I sound like I'm nasally, or is it just because I have these earbuds?

No, you make me sound like I have earbuds.

Yeah, you have your big hands on.

Because they broke.

They snapped.

I can put more duct tape on them.

See that shit I said the other day about being scared straight?

It's like, they call me duct tape now.

Duct tape?

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

I'm trying to find the link and put it in.

I love watching fucking Scared Straight.

so i'd hate i'd like i'm not a big fan but this is so funny it's so bizarre like i think the guy's

just taking the piss or maybe he's real crazy dude um that fucking show like um yeah man like

the the 70s version of it now there's a tv series about it yeah this is from the

you ever see the 70s the old yeah it's great yeah and then they did a follow-up after that

like 20 years later and then they in the 90s and they reintroduce the kids when they were older

with the ex-cons that were out and stuff i always wondered if that was real those cons were just

like because they're like talking to women about we won't rape you and shit

or the guys the kids and stuff yeah yeah um here it's 50 seconds long it's amazing all right all

All right, let me pop it over here to the old iPad.

We can play it.

Let me make sure I'm logged in.

Oh, incoming call.

Bob, you're still up if you want, sir.

Yes.

Yes, hello, this is Robert Vance with customer service.

How can I help?

hello sir you've reached

Associate here with customer service

Can I help you

Hello sir I'm here on the line

What can I help you with

He was super confused

He was like I gotta hit you too

Oh god I hate

Oh there's a fake me

In the tiny stairs and thing

In YouTube

There's a hat millock

In the uh

Oh hey what's up

Or maybe not

It could not be

Um any request for a place to call

I can get something

Pretty quick on our big uh

Vietnamese list of numbers

You got Vietnamese numbers?

I use a Vietnamese website to get prank call numbers now.

It's awesome.

Did you listen to the duct tape?

No, that's right.

So thank you for keeping me on track here.

You know what?

I'm going to play it over here.

This is a new setup here.

I know.

Here we go.

They keep interrupting.

Bobby!

Hello, this is Robert Vance with customer service.

How can I help you?

you they said to press to be removed from the two and they connected me to you plus we're on the do

not on the do not call list also let people know when they call after eight o'clock at night people

have other things going and it's already 9 30 oh the system must be broken again did you get a call

from like a robot person oh i'm so sorry to hear that okay do you tell me what they said because

we think that our servers here might have been breached by the hackers you know well that can

that can happen sometimes yeah do you know do you know like how to reboot a macintosh computer

but anyway i'm here in the control room and they said like hey all you got to do is answer the

phone but now like all these people are calling me saying that there's like spam calls coming out

or something did it say something about a gift card oh that's so weird because that's what that's

what somebody just called here and they said that too anyway you might call your company and have

have them you can do i understand that they're that even when you call and goofy sometimes they

number i think you're talking to company you call and it's right that's that's definitely a thing i

know that i read that on newsweek did you hear about that because they have this thing now the

hackers were when the call comes in they can hook the line but anyway it's rather late so i'm going

to let you go and i hope you can get that straightened out you help me troubleshoot this

for a second do you have a rotary phone you know i can't it's it's way too late you'll have to get

someone else do you like what do you want to talk about game of thrones or something like

the geek squad told her about it guys

what they can do is they can get you in the hackers so you gotta get yourself these monster

cables they hook the line they reel it in and then they have the line they got it

computer place but really it's a goddamn hacker they hooked you

they sold her a monster cable usb cables for oh with the gold with the gold tips yeah the gold

gold tip for the digital for the digital cables that are just ones and zeros like okay oh you

know am i not right that a digital cable is a digital cable right other than you know some

are better at transmitting longer lengths if you're not yeah if you're not going like of any

household length,

a cable's a fucking cable.

Unless you're doing a fucking

block. Well, okay, look. So, I

have a PlayStation 4 Pro,

and I wanted to send it

via a 10

foot run over to

my new HDR TV, and

it would work, but it wouldn't transmit in HDR

because that cable itself

wasn't working with

that type

cheap Chinese cable.

I will take this one. Excuse me, please.

okay monster cables my name is how can i help you hello yes my name is how can i help you oh

do you need to talk to someone spanish i don't speak spanish i don't need this one minute please

they really hate it when you say oh you need someone spanish one moment please my dad hates

it when they do that

separate the cut from uncut

it's just like that icon is speaking

eating goji berries

it's the same thing about him

eating goji berries and it makes me laugh

like when you

were talking about the

Amway like marketing schemes yesterday

and I thought about the market

the fucking goji berries

you have to bring that out

my dad with the fucking goji berries man

holy shit and he would get calls because

for a while their goji berries were like the next thing

with the hipsters yeah it was uh you know i i put some mice before they're just like candy

all right let's try this again i'm gonna try this customer service my name is how can i help you

yeah okay

we uh let's play the rest of duct tape that's good this guy's funny he's got his face in the window

I want duct tape!

That's how they live.

That's how you're going to live, too.

He duct tape.

He mine.

He duct tape.

He mine.

You see this?

Duct tape.

See them sounds over there?

They saving?

So what?

So he's just seeing duct tape in the cell, and he's like, he's pissing off his cellmates?

I don't know.

No, they're scared straight.

So I wonder if this guy

might have a thing

because maybe he's a kidnapper or some shit.

You know?

That's all I can think.

Maybe he's a kidnapper

or like, I don't think he's

a strangler in jail, but I can see

he duct taped somebody up and

kidnapping or some shit.

I'm the duct tape rapist.

It's so stupid with the fucking

band-aid on his face like Mellie and shit.

Look, according to this

he's the duct tape rapist

series of duct tape related

rapes at the University of Oklahoma

in Tulsa. There you go. No shit.

No, I just made that all up. But that sounds good,

right? It does.

I should be like a prank hall writer or something.

Shit.

I still want to see a fucking copy

of that stand-up. Do you remember

any of that meeting about causing mass confusion

last night? Because I was so tired

at the end of it. I just fell asleep.

And I woke up to say goodbye to it.

You guys were ordering shit. They got me

a doctor's coat and

face stethoscope and apparently i'm putting a pussy in a bear here's a call oh yeah oh too

late i waited too late here we go again okay i got it hey hello hello how you doing this

customer service what's up yes i want to be put on your do not call list race lady people in hell

want ice water we all you know what are you gonna do for me oh man all right i gotta fix something

When you hear that, it sounds like a cop is recording you.

It's because that's the call waiting on the software I use.

It's really disruptive.

No, it's bobbing the fuck out of me.

I have to keep rejecting all the calls because if not, you'll hear that through the whole thing.

It sounds like the old 2005 Jen Stewart bullshit.

Give me a second, please.

Matt, tell them about Goji Berries, what you know about them and Joe Rogan.

The Goji Berries are their superfood.

They're a good scam.

they're like amway arena like you get the goji berries get a garage full of them you get other

people to sell the goji berries and the money comes to you and rogan i don't know he talks

like i love his podcast he gets high a lot and rambles and that's like that part of the show

yeah so yeah yeah you know what i learned today sir um apparently freaking uh joe rogan was really

really close to fighting wesley snipes uh a long time ago oh wow like like just a street fighter

yeah no like an actual um for money because he was that was right when he's going through that

whole tax evasion bullshit oh wow it was gonna be like a lot of money that would have been wild

he would have fucked up he would have fucked him up dude joe is no joke people just think

there's like some comedian dude he's like you just see that shit of him doing that like leg

Big kicks on the giant heavy bag of shit.

It's no joke.

He would have killed with it.

Oh, yeah.

Dude, it would have been great to watch.

I would have paid good money to see that.

While we're talking about that Mayweather fight with, what's his face?

Any of you watch UFC?

Is it McGregor he's going to be fighting?

He's going to destroy him.

McGregor's going to get his ass kicked.

I think so.

I think it's still fun.

I didn't realize until this week that it's boxing.

boxing it's not fucking oh yeah it's ridiculous he's gone forget it he's you know there's no

why would you why would you defang a lion you know what i mean and make him fight another

defanged lion and you know what i mean i well that's not you know that's like cutting fucking

claws off a house cat there you go that's like defanging and declawing a lion and putting me

up against a lion that's defanged but still has his claws but yeah but had trained to work

had been defanged forever and is used to it it's gonna be using the claws instead of the fangs you

know i'm saying like this is his motherfucking sauce right here dude he's gonna dude that's

retarded uh it could be so neat dude it fucking the irish cat just comes with a big like haymaker

and drops them that'd be one hand like fucking ollie list and two yeah dude the fucking shit

will go crazy just like just dig and just clocks them you know yeah yeah there'll be all the

accusations how it was a dive you know it would be amazing oh my god dude yeah it's gonna be sick

now i gotta watch it because it's an ass whooping before that i wanted to watch it because i thought

mayweather was gonna get his ass beat and fuck manny wayweather i fucking hate uh floyd mayweather

man he's like he's a piece i mean he's just so cocky and he's a piece of shit and uh bass would

to be saying the same thing because his wife is

a Filipina and they all worship

fucking what's Pac-Man, Pacquiao.

Shit.

They want revenge.

I'm so pissed off the motherfucker's gonna

end up with an undefeated boxing

record.

Why is he...

Is he done after this though?

He's been done with real boxing.

He was retired.

I believe this win will

put him over Rocky Marciano

for the best.

record here we go here we go here's a call who's taking this sure thank the man with the guitar

yeah hello how you doing today i'm doing fine who are you and where are you calling from what's up

i'm at a call center what's your problem this evening well like i we're a global business but

i'm in chicago i think you just called it joker no i didn't call me i think she's gonna fucking

can get you but a machine is as close as you can get me what is this some kind of crazy scam i've

been looking on the on youtube they they have like this fucking dick sucking robot machine

like it's like cheap and you just like they say you put like a lady's like clothes over it and it

kind of feels real so like you're not answering any of my questions but are you and what is your

be happy that a robot calls you that's cool right a robot called me it's not cool the call i've had

oh you're not real big with me right now you got something to say robot what did it do

that's you just suck it's it was another guy who sounded half my wife well hey i'm fully drunk not

half drunk and i believe i talked about later hey lady i said people don't doubt it with you jackass

She was going on about the do not call list.

Fuck the do not call list.

Get us on that do not call list.

You're not going to find out anything.

You're drunk, right?

Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

Wow, good times, good times.

All right, that was a good call, man.

Good work.

It's nice that, like, I talked to her earlier.

Look at people in hell.

Why didn't I swear?

Here we go.

Let's see if this is him again.

I'll take this one.

Yeah, you be the boss.

Hello, my name is...

How can I help you?

I want to know what this is about.

This is about sexual organs.

Bye.

I thought she was fucking digging it for a minute there.

That noise was hard to...

It was hard to tell if it was excited and happy or if it was grossed out.

A little bit of the...

Yeah, a little like...

Here we go.

Axpo, you up?

Axpo, you still around, buddy?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Be quiet, so now this is what you get.

Thank you for calling customer service.

How may I help you?

Guys, quit calling me.

This is 30 minutes.

I'm sorry, I can't do that.

The machine's broken, and this is my first day on the job,

and I don't know how to fix it.

It's just going to keep calling.

I'm trying to get sleep.

Yeah, it's probably going to keep calling all night.

I'm going to punch the telephone.

I think you better get help from somebody that knows how to fix it.

Yeah, no, I'm the only person here.

They left me here.

I'm in a cage with a headset on.

They won't even let me leave.

I'm just stuck here all night.

You gotta telephone.

You can call somebody.

I can't call out, though.

I can only receive incomings.

I'm sorry?

You wanna say it louder, honey baby?

What?

What'd you say?

No, I was asking you what you was saying.

Hello?

You wanna talk about your sexual organs?

Your sexual organs.

You wanna talk about them?

I don't.

Oh, well, that's not fun.

I'm 77 years old, and I want this shit to sleep.

Oh, that's okay, you know.

Mm. Mm-hmm. Mm-mm. Mm.

Honey, baby, you still there?

Honey? Honey?

Oh, you're rubbing your sexual organs, aren't you?

Mm. Mm-hmm. Mm.

There she goes, finally. Goddamn, lady.

You okay there?

Jesus Christ.

I dropped the iPad, and when I pick it up,

my fat fingers hit one of the sound effect buttons,

and I never know what it is.

It was the shitty sound effect.

No, it was the pissing one that time.

It was Tabachi, an old friend of the show before he betrayed the crown.

Tabachi with his urinating.

We'll play that later.

Back to duct tape.

See the toilet right there?

He was in the bathroom while you were eating.

It's that time.

You want to live his life?

Yeah, I'm going to take a shit and watch you while you eat.

Hey, duct tape!

Oh, boy.

Good stuff, dude.

I knew you would like it.

That'll probably be on tonight.

night my wife was watching that and falling asleep watching that and then i fall asleep on the other

couch watching it and i had these crazy nightmares speaking of which matt hillock you urinated to

yourself in your sleep last night what's up with that tragic oh man what happened you know i'm

sure well i had a very long day excited to get up to my mom's friend the the big fucking shine

girl that works at cbs yeah uh they're like buddies my friend the big shine girl okay

anyways she's like my mom's friend she helped her clean out her closet yesterday so i had to get up

early to let her in so i got up at like nine yesterday after having my infusion thursday

so it's all fucked up and then like she kind of had a little lay down but didn't sleep

and then i took a fucking tab of sid later in the night and was feeling great and then

fucking took like bob vance one of those fucking bars uh and to sleep good and woke up in like a

pool of piss and my fucking it's good thing having an air mattress you know yeah because you can just

pop that so can we expect another no no no no because it's just it's plastic doesn't matter

you know it doesn't soak it so then i had to sleep on the gut sometimes i have that little

like feltiness to you know it does but still that's fine man but dude there's like a little

bit of piss smell anywhere you got some lysol wipes you know a couple of those yeah yeah mom's

got some everything's cool dude i had fucking this is a weird another telemedical thing i was

getting some weird rash like on the outside the inside of my armpits if you know like where you

shoot up type things and then i got it on my fucking like in my crotch and shit but i didn't

get that like till i went to the doctor and like i was getting on my face and he said it was uh uh

environmental and stress like so something in the shit because it's been happening like for a month

but it kept getting worse and so he gave me this cream with some steroid in it and i'm all

all fucking good now hey um matt um i'm trying to bring you down but you said you've said on

the air before and we know this that you're not a fan of showering or bathing how you maybe have

four a year you say yeah maybe maybe shower once a week maybe we can work towards that maybe you

know maybe it feels really good man it feels really good you get real hot in there you get

real high and go in there have a shower so much fun i miss people don't like being hot man oh man

Oh, man, I'm sorry.

Yeah, but seriously.

The problem is, like, picking my feet up to get over the tub.

You know what?

When my ankle was broken, I had these bath wipes.

They're really good.

I'll hook you up.

I'll get you.

I got a good white person, all right?

Just a moment.

Customer service, my name is Will Riker.

How can I help you?

This is the fourth call I've received with this offer,

and I want to be put on the do not call back list, please.

Well, I'm a supervisor here, and you've been forwarded over to me

because this is the fourth call the system has gotten for you,

so I'm a little concerned about the phone calls going to you, ma'am.

So I wanted to get this taken care of.

You keep getting these phone calls, is it, then?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah?

Okay, I'll put that down.

Let me connect you to the supervisor just a moment, please.

Yes, hello, I have a lady on the line who just got a phone call.

I want you guys to keep over there calling and calling and calling.

Yeah?

Okay.

Hey, go back to your country.

language for the win go back to your country esl ftw do you need to speak to someone in spanish

because i don't i don't i don't need to speak nobody spanish you asshole one moment for spanish

department thank you

hello are you calling for goji berries i'm not calling for no fucking i'm calling you

i'm gonna kick you and i'm gonna show your wife my penis okay well that's good oh we're good

Good. Now we're talking. Now we're talking.

All right. Good.

He was Italian or something.

Customer service. My name is...

How can I help you?

Yes. What is this about?

Yes. I'm with customer service.

I have gotten three of these phone calls in the...

I want...

Yes. Hello?

I want to be put on the do not call list.

Yes.

Can you do that for me?

I'm going to put you on hold and we'll get that done.

Hello, thank you for calling.

How can I help you?

Hello?

Yes, you guys have called me three times tonight.

It's 10 o'clock at night.

Why do you keep calling?

Hello?

To bother you?

I'll put you through to the supervisor to get that taken care of.

Just a moment, please.

Just to bother you, lady.

Hello?

Go ahead.

Yes, I want to be placed in the do not call.

Okay, why?

Because we're not interested.

Well, you are interested.

You just don't know it yet.

No, we're not.

Oh, no, you're definitely interested.

Hey, can you listen to me, please?

What do you want, lady?

I'm trying to work here.

I want you to put me on the do not call list and quit calling my house.

Give me a second, and I'll do that.

Hang on.

Don't go anywhere.

Yes, how can I help you?

Yes, please do not call this number again.

This is about the sixth time we've had this number called,

and we're in an area where we've already been to bed,

and we can't go to sleep because you're home.

There are certain areas with bedtimes in the United States?

Yeah, there are certain areas with bedtimes.

Take me off of it.

What state is that, ma'am?

That's what I say, you stupid son of a bitch.

Just because your mother's a whore.

Whoa.

Now you're going to get more phone calls.

You see how abusive he is, ma'am?

Fuck you.

No, fuck you, motherfucker.

I'll fuck your mother.

Hey.

I got her on the phone right now.

You hear her?

The girl?

That's your mother.

I'm dude's mom.

Could you guys please take me off the list?

How big are your sexual organs, ma'am?

That's what I say, you stupid son of a bitches.

I don't understand where these calls are coming from.

It's sons of bitches.

Sons of bitches, you stupid fuck.

I don't understand plurals of things.

Do you need to talk to someone in Spanish?

I'll put you through.

One moment, please.

Hey, bitch.

Shut up.

Hello?

Yeah, what do you want?

Why are you being so rude?

I just want to know who you people are.

This is customer...

And why you keep...

This is customer...

Why you keep calling...

Hello, hello, please, let me talk.

This is Customer Service LLC, a subsidiary of DoNotCallList.com.

Okay, well, please take me off the list.

If we take you off the list, you no longer receive benefits, such as this phone call.

Oh, well, geez.

Yes, ma'am, are you laughing over there?

Are you having a nice laugh already?

I still want to know what states have that.

Customer Service, my name is...

How can I help you?

Put me on your DoNotCall list.

Wow, that was very domineering.

What position on the DoNotCall list do you need?

a lady shouldn't have that kind of attitude you know they're supposed to be demure demure

all right bossy shit we're not gonna talk lady you're just gonna sit there

customer service how can i help you with your sexual organs today hello hello hello hello

hello hello oh go ahead matt take this one hey yeah hello hello

Hello, get me off your phone.

You stab him, we slap him.

Quit fucking calling me.

I don't want your call.

Hey, sugar britches, slow down with the car.

Oh, don't call me sugar britches.

Get me off this phone, or else I will report you.

You're calling me on the phone.

What are you doing, writing it?

You got to sit on vibrate, and you're getting off while you call me?

Why are you so mad?

And who are you going to report me to?

That was like the Jetsons.

Like, get me off this crazy thing.

one last one just listening for five minutes i hung up yeah dom the bomb is here down

the bomb how are you doing down the bomb dot dom yay hi everybody hi man hi carlito hey i don't

care all right so just be quiet that's a calls of mass confusion reference you can check that

out over at youtube look for calls of mass confusion that's jaya's channel the jesus

in a dump truck machine channel subscribe to that lots of exciting things uh happening there

i can't wait to see the last episode we're four episodes away i think where jaya gets arrested

we get to see all the videos even i haven't seen this yet is some video gonna come up where i did

in my little recording it must be coming in the last ones it must be because we haven't seen any

matt really yet have we you did you did a few you know right around the time you know yeah i was

like yeah but there's another season coming man like you were there you got a lab smock

coming your way i have a green screen i don't have that's what i was thinking i'd like what i

I don't know what to do from my

background, because this obviously

is just the kitchen behind me,

but I could

somehow get to, like,

the big windows, but I don't know

where I can sit shit with a computer,

you know?

That would look legit,

like another, like, big building

out the window, you know?

Yeah, like, somehow, but this, like,

I don't know, maybe I'll figure something.

I think it needs stains.

You need to get some stains action in that, man.

some stains

gotta get some

yellow stains on that

you know wear it

for a few weeks

oh like

the thing

get it funky

get some mustard

again I don't know

how much that's

gonna come up

you know

alright then don't

okay

whatever

I'm trying

I'm trying to help

Matt

Matt you can be like me

when I go to job interviews

I go to Kohl's

and I buy like

a badass suit

and then I return it

the next day

at Kohl's

the same store you go to

I mean

if you're interviewing

at Kohl's

but no

you said something else

I'm stupid

uh

good

good point

Zax, there's a request for that.

The link to that. TinyChat. Can you get that out?

tinychat.com.

What is it, guys?

It's Zax Intel.

Oh, yeah. People can watch

Zed.

Zeds.

Z-E-Z. They're not going to understand.

Zed.

So you run a ZX

Spectrum computer?

tinychat.com slash Zax

Intel. Z-A-X-ray.

No, Z-A-X.

i n t yeah there's absolutely no ray in there no well i was saying like phonetically like

you wouldn't know yeah well no then you would say like zulu alpha zebra curve right or no what's x

xylophone what do you what's the phonetic thing for x for z is zulu x is x-ray x-ray oh yeah i

i got this but you said da i got it should be i should have said zulu alpha x-ray what's on india

india november tango echo lima i i remember the color code of uh what i used uh i never did it

but if you like wire up switchboard cables on a phone it's uh it's what blue orange green brown

brown slate oh for a fall yeah like the little shitty like switch bitch fuckers i like i don't

memorize it for ethernet because it even doesn't matter the colors you just have to remember just

remember to swap the first the third and second and sixth don't be doing this all red orange red

red white red black i remember that for a test once and then my friend was like uh hey dude just

all you do is like doesn't matter just flip those doesn't matter what now yeah some idiot's gonna

be like oh the cable's bad look at the numbers in the wrong way i was just some video on reddit

of some guy like getting comcast fiber like hooked up in his house the other day and i was watching

the fiber guy like connect it and i was like i can't believe i didn't go to the fiber classes

because lucent used to want me to do the fiber shit and i was like man that seems too fucking

fucking technical you know but i was looking at it's just a machine it does it all for you yeah

like back in the ancient days you had to like splice fiber you did it mechanically and all

this maybe it maybe i don't i don't know when i would now it just goes in a machine and it like

zaps it and it's done yeah and like it zooms in shows me it's like this isn't a good connection

and just lobs that bit off and it just tries to get like it's there's no finesse to it there's

There's no need to be so dainty like they

like to, oh, take it

and wipe it down with your alcohol

wiping. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was the shit. Yeah, I was gonna have to

be in cable vaults doing that shit.

And I was like, this is stupid.

Anyone want this other than Matt? I'm sorry,

Matt, but just in case. Axba?

Oh, sure. Yeah, I'll take it.

I'm trying to make things equal.

That's the new rule here.

That fucking man's a jerk. Takes over shows.

Takes over shows.

Thank you for calling customer service. How can I help

help you hello okay oh i think they need help with their phone machine yeah if youtubers can

you let me know how the sound quality is i think there's a report that my audio is lower in

comparison we can tune that dr b's on youtube i haven't blocked anyone in mixler in over a year

i i doubt the only other people that have access are zax and matt and they haven't i'm sure i don't

know i don't even have access zax yeah the only zax when he doesn't do that shit and dwight's

out with his niece, so

I don't know. I didn't block you for having

Somebody's saying that they're banned.

We wouldn't care if your username has too many

fucks in it. Now, if you're going on there

with my real name, I might not like

that, but anyway, here's a call.

Axe, but you're back on.

Yeah.

Yeah, bees.

No, I'm just saying. I'm not hating on you.

I'm just saying, hey, man, we didn't do it. It might have been Mixer

because they thought you had too many fucks

in your name, but we certainly

wouldn't give a shit about that.

About fucks.

I really do not.

I am so offended with the fucks.

This fuck shit.

Dumb it, fuck.

Just try to stay away from the N-word.

It really, that's macho.

I didn't say N-word.

Customer service, I'm transferring you to the expo.

One moment, please.

Thank you for calling customer service.

How can I help you?

Hello.

Thank you for using your telephone machine.

Can you please speak into the microphone portion so I can hear you?

I believe you are speaking into the headset portion.

Please turn your telephone around so I can hear you.

The mouthpiece.

Mouthpiece.

Come on, learn how to use your damn phone.

Here's another motherfucker.

Baz is here.

Here's another one.

Hey, hey, it's Baz.

Hi, Baz.

Incoming call on one.

Thank you for calling customer service.

How can I help you?

I just was calling to get removed from your calling list, please.

Oh, I can't do that.

I don't have a means of doing that.

Well, the prompt just told me that if I press 2, I could be removed from the calling list.

Yeah, yeah, it does say that, but this just enables us to get you on the phone, you know?

So we can talk to you, and we can discuss the reward redemption program.

Would you like to talk about your sexual organs, per chance?

You can just remove me from your calling list.

No, we're not going to remove you.

We can, but it'll be a nominal fee of $19.99.

situation is not nominal you can sign up for call this pro here's another one tell them to go

customer service customer service my name is baz how can i help you hello sign up for a call

he's still there all right here's another one we got two two coming in hot coming in hot

go fuck yourself just because your mother's a whore doesn't mean you can

I'm stupid enough to go for it, you bastard.

Go motherfucking you.

Go motherfucking you, pendejo estúpido, menudo baboso perro.

Go motherfucking you.

Go motherfucking you, you say.

Go buffuck...

What's buffucking?

He's such a dummy.

Go buffucking you.

Fuck you, you dumbass.

Fucking losing bastard.

I would if your mother wasn't a whore.

If your mother wasn't a whore, I would.

I'm busy fucking her.

You're a whore, you fucking little bitch.

Hey, pendejo, ¿por qué no me quieres, huh?

You fucking stupid-ass bitch.

Why are you being such a little wiener friend here?

And raise your own little bastard.

¿Por qué no me quieres?

Yo te amo con todo mi corazón.

I think that was a little racist there, right?

Where he was saying, raise your own bastards, don't make us pay for it.

You see how those people are?

He got really mad.

That's twice now he's been on.

He was on when it had all, like, five people connected at once,

and he kept saying, yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Sons of bitches.

he's a very good armchair complainer upset and they're listening and i complain like just like

that i i agree with y'all i'm waiting my time he is a jerk it's like a caller to a conservative

radio there are states with bedtime hey rush thanks for having me on there yeah i agree with

here we go man a manhouse line take it away

yeah customer service how may i help you go jesus christ they found our kryptonite

go i got earbuds now man i can't be listening to that

your blood yeah anyway that was good dom that's your first prank on a manhouse

so congratulations yay all right it was just spanish remember most of our people like english

but i do that too sometimes what are you i i don't know if you're muslim or hispanic or what

you look very i don't know i'm from i'm from lebanon okay i thought so because of the eyebrows

you got those lebanese eyebrows yeah yeah no dude i'm just kidding i'm a beaner from california oh

man you gotta shave your eyebrows get them lebanese eyebrows man

We're going to get stopped at the airport

All right, Baz, here we go

When you hear doo-doo, that's you, okay?

All right

Customer service, how may I help you?

Oh, okay, perfect

Thank you, ma'am

Let me explain our tiers of Do Not Call Us

We have our copper package starting at $19.99

What? No, goodbye

Here's another one, here's a quick one

That's going to go up to like the gold package for $59.99.

Customer service, would you like to be signed up for the do not call list?

Like to talk Mexican to a Lebanese.

Or like that Touchdown Terrace where he goes, you want to talk to a black man?

I like the one prank where he said his name was Tic Tac, the Mexican sounding guy.

And the guy, he goes, what did he say?

He goes, I transfer you now, you cholo.

It's like, cholo.

Fuck you.

Fucking company.

Tick tock.

And there's the one call with the Russian voice.

And I love that because he says, he's like, the guy says, transfer me now.

And he goes, I take a sip of coffee first.

Then he was telling that one lady, she goes, you a very stupid person.

Were there two with a Russian?

Yeah.

Okay.

Here's a call.

I don't know who's going to do it.

Let's all do it.

Woo.

Ooh, yeah.

Hello, watch this.

Customer service, you have all of us here.

How can we help you?

Hey, we're here to assist and serve.

How can I help you from England?

Hello, customer service.

And I'm just here, you know, jerking it, stroking it a little bit.

Yeah, can you do it again in my face?

He's like fucking Clarence Carter up in this piece.

Take this off or do not call your little fucking maggots.

Oh, now we're not going to do that.

Stick it in your boyfriend's ass.

oh yeah yeah stick it in

I like his effeminate voice

yeah he's one to talk

where's the left edge in the call center

I think that was a real fart

and it was kind of loose right so then

who's the gay

not that there's anything wrong with that but I'm just saying

I've heard these things that their farts

have a more less

yeah to it

Alice

customer service my name is herpes how can I help you

hello

now with 50% less

ballast

hello

now they're doing that whole I'm gonna make you hear

the TV

we're gonna get a guy

with a whistle in a second

that'll learn him I'm putting the TV right

like that

you don't need to do outgoing calls I like this Dwight

show thing this is great it's fun everyone be sure to visit uh dwight's pod he doesn't have

a podcast his youtube he's uh dwight the janitor over at youtube is that what his channel is

i believe yeah something like that yeah dwight the janitor while you're at it go to jesus in

a dump truck or just search for calls and mass diffusion matt's going to be making appearances

there in the last few episodes and then we're all going to get to see giant arrested one of

of the craziest things the fact that giant swallowed an sd card when he got arrested in

that ball that fateful day um and he lost a lot of good video and and he didn't find it well that's

the whole thing i told all you had to do man was put a little netting thing i would have done it

yeah man yeah all you had to do is go through his shit i would have done it here's here's ken's

they're dwight's thing let me just put a link in the chat speaking of which who who's the

motherfucker that posted in scat house of doom uh a fucking pasta meal with turds in it a big

pot of pasta like it looked like spaghetti or angel hair and then they're and i'm looking at it

yeah it came up on my feed i'm like oh that's a nice dish what is that oh i wonder who made that

scat house and i'm like uh-oh and look a little closer at this meat stuff and it's fucking logs

in there yam logs oh well guess what i had to eat yesterday so the whole meal i'm like i just like

you know like thinking about the fucking shit and then why did they make you watch

fucking shit i didn't do it i think it was nick caesar to be honest with you i think that guy

man there's a feedback comer from the ipad ever since i dropped it i think i might have fucked

up that headphones yet i like my stupid ipad too man yeah yeah this is the first uh this is the

air 2 i think or the no this is one of the this is the pro oh yeah this is the one that just

it's the one that just got replaced it's the 9. whatever inch it just got replaced a month ago

and this is the first time i decided not to trade in and upgrade because to be honest i'm pretty

happy with the ipad as it is and i want to try to reduce a bill you know i just don't fuck with

that much you know like i can't even you can't do you can't multi-program whatever multitask yeah um

i just do one things one thing in time but all i do is listen to podcasts and like youtube before

i sleep you know so it's fine for that uh yeah i use it i take pictures with it um you know i i do

that of the cats a lot and uh just my surfing my my surf there i watch my porn on there because

Because less of a chance of getting a virus machine if you do that.

I have.

I've had some money.

Dude, I'm going to the scat house.

I can't find the...

Well, I usually have it with me.

Like, wherever I am in the house, I got it under my arm.

And, you know, like, Audible, I'll listen to, like, a book on tape while I'm doing chores.

Or I'll set it to a 15-minute sleep timer.

And when I go to bed, I'll listen to a book until I fall asleep.

Stuff like that.

I get a lot of use out of mine.

But really, there aren't really many differences with the newest one where I could justify trading it in and paying off for another year.

I'm looking for a picture with poop and spaghetti.

I'm not seeing there's a picture.

Oh, wait.

It's not poop, though.

It's dicks.

It's chopped up dicks.

It's chopped up dicks?

Yeah.

I thought it was turds.

That's worse.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

let me let me i can't be looking at that at 7 30 in the morning man like seriously

by the way hey i want to give a shout out real quick did you get added to the

remember i had you added to that one uh corrupt gentleman or what is it called corrupt gentleman

one group that's uh really cool they've been doing a lot of scat stuff lately and it's really

really pissing me off you know that fight that the guy getting beat with a bicycle that i sent

you that video oh yeah yeah that came from there yeah that was wild yeah it was wild yeah i don't

know if i'm like on that group i get like the dark humor international and shit let me see how

can i just copy this image copy image let's see i invited you to one but they they keep i don't

know how that works like i guess like you can have a group as long as it's private here's the

Here's the picture in question.

Yeah, Carly?

Yeah.

No, I don't want to see it, though.

I hadn't even seen it yet.

No, I don't want to see it.

It's bad, man.

But isn't that it?

That looks yummy.

Is it like a clear pasta?

I just put it in the Skype chat.

I don't want to see it.

No, I don't want to see it again, man.

I got the mental taste out of my mind.

Yeah, that's a dick and balls.

And it's cut up in there?

Is it real?

Yeah, I don't know.

It looks kind of fake.

Corbin is a character.

Oh, okay.

that dude he's the guy that creeps out rad sometimes you know okay he's called like

whatever the town is yeah corbin corbin dude or whatever i don't think it's this

pic let me see because what i saw was uh is it a red sauce you're looking at this is not a red

no it's a white sauce that's a white sauce okay okay okay hang on hang on uh yeah my skyper c

files aren't working either dude i'm having trouble here guy yeah i'm gonna send it to you

on no no no it's cool you know hang on yeah i've skyped this new skype is a clean everyone's

complaining oh he's using that 10 don't get me started yeah no not that i'm so happy you're able

to call me first tonight yeah so i use the old one oh you were on that 10 last night that yeah

it's garbage anyway hey let's get back to more calls the income is still there i don't care

about all the messages yeah yeah get that to me so i can look at that um we got a it says a pv

PB Backstage 30 Bass Amp.

It looks like pervy to me, so I'm going to go that way with it.

PB?

PB.

P-E-A-V-Y.

That's pervy.

Oh, messages, dude.

Buzzing again.

That might get you in trouble.

Facebook, a message of it.

That's the only one I see in the photos.

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

Four, two.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, we don't do that.

Did you see all those crazy pictures of fucking dicks that Nick was drawing?

Of dicks?

Or themes?

This seems right up your alley.

Just testing something out.

I'm sorry.

Well, okay.

I can't be distracted with pictures of penises and stuff.

I know I bring it up a lot tonight.

I've been bringing up sexual organs a lot, but it's not that.

I'm going to stop.

No, it's okay.

I'm just joking around.

I'm going to call someone about some Michelin tires.

I don't know if any of you have the ability to get numbers

or any ideas of something.

Oh, I can call you.

I just posted a number from Nunu.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

4, 2, 3, 9, 2, 3, 4.

Just in time.

Only 100-something options for you.

A Nunu number.

I can't wait.

Yeah, look at the address, Matt.

Oh, there you go.

Golden Hillock Road.

Oh, we used to call him Mr. Mohamed

on Golden Hillock Road.

I remember this.

Your call cannot be completed as dialed.

Mohamed. Let's see.

What did I have it saved as?

Oh, I know why. I need 011.

Come on, you know the format these for me, man.

Can I help you?

Yeah, hello. I was looking to speak with

number 112, please.

You mean 112? Yes.

What do you mean, speak with 112?

12 uh the number 112 i don't know that kind number is a hotel this yeah that is hotel that

yeah okay yeah do you have room 112 or is it 12 12 that's it i'm sorry yes i'm sorry that's that's

right i'm with transportation okay okay all right right i'm gonna put them through yes could you

please sir thank you okay okay thank you very small join huh we have 1 and 12 it's just like

Incoming call.

Several incoming calls.

The land of the gas.

Here's a Mr. Muhammad on the road.

They're not picking up.

Who I guess might be right up the street from the hotel.

Is he a pan show?

Incoming call.

There we go.

Yeah.

Customer service.

My name is White.

How can I help you?

I hope you can help me, sir.

Ah, don't start.

Don't start.

Excuse me?

I said don't start.

Well, just, I hear you're starting to get a little, almost snowflake.

So.

Listen.

What?

It's the South Penn Times now on the last half.

Okay.

Can I get my number ticked?

If you're nice.

Then I'm going to report you.

To who?

Get this goddamn number off your call list.

Hey, hey.

Is that clear?

You big bully.

I'm going to double call you.

You big bully.

He sounded nice.

He was really nice at first.

Oh, boy.

What's the sauce on Dr. Punchy?

Trustable, not trustable?

Enemy of the state?

Trustable.

Send me a list, so I'm going to look at those.

He's cool.

Can we open that?

People are asking for this poop picture,

so I'm going to find it

and put it on Majora's,

put it in the chat.

Put it on Tiny Chat also.

What chat are you on?

The Mixler chat.

chat i hope i so hope this is this guy again customer service my name is white how can i help

you yeah uh i don't want none nothing uh you guys keep calling but you're gonna get something

in your butt we're gonna put something up your butt i don't want motherfuckers i don't want

to call and says i don't want nothing got a couple more coming in next one here who wants it

customer service how am i help you uh no comprende no uh no comprende no no hablo

english no no well we're gonna keep calling you a lot then go fuck yourself we have to call like

50 times before we can put you on the do not call list and that's really only a do not call

every other time list so we gradually work up to the tiers of no call funny there's like a particular

particular type of people that call back i'm just connecting a lot of people hang on hello hello

yes hello hello yes hello how can we help you yes there's like five people on this phone

who are you why did you call me who's calling this business keeps calling what i want to be

taken off your call list well why are you calling me off your call list why are you calling me

please take me off your call list ma'am take me off your call list keep me on your call list

This is the only attention I get.

My phone ringing.

I want to sign up for the call list.

Circle of calling machine is broken.

Two left.

Hello?

Hello, I'd like to call this.

Yes, ma'am.

Did you want to get signed up on the call list?

Joke of the day?

This is the seventh I've gotten tonight.

Every 15 minutes.

What happens when we call you 21 times and you count?

You run out of fingers and toes to use the count.

All right, here's another one.

Customer service, would you like to be placed on hold?

Would you get me off of your list?

I've pressed 2, and you've been calling from this 1030.

Get me off.

It doesn't work.

The machine isn't working.

We're having technical difficulties.

Yeah, Matt's still the cloak on the machine.

Well, take me off of your list and quit calling my number immediately.

I'm trying.

I'm trying, okay?

We're trying.

We have states in this beautiful United States where there's bedtime.

All right, guys, settle down.

Here's a note.

Matt, take this one.

Yeah, hey there.

How are you doing, boy or lady?

Customer service.

what's up you want to stay on this call list i'll take your silences and acceptance that you want to

be called back every 10 minutes here try this one customer service how are you who am i speaking hey

this is maddie what's up sweetheart this customer service i'm not your i want to be taken off

Yeah, let's talk a little bit.

That was funny.

I'm trying to add this to Imgur.

I don't know how to do it.

It's making me...

Can you put stuff like that on Imgur?

I don't know.

I don't know what's going on.

Well, it made me make an account, but now I don't know.

It's like I uploaded it, but I don't know it's got to be I don't know how to share it though

Why don't you just put it on Facebook? Oh, you can't

I got oh, I got it. I got a cool call. I got it

Can I take the next one I've got an idea

While we wait on that here's there we go 32-foot travel trailer for sale for one grand

Alright

Cross it

Getty?

Yeah

Hi

You've reached

Martha

I can't

turn the

phone

Uh

They're saying

I'm coming in

too low

Am I coming in

too low

on Mixler

then?

Mixler

for anybody

I don't

use them

Let me

I can go

to it

for a minute

I'm gonna

boost myself

up here

a little bit

Let's see

Uh

We'll try this

Okay

This should

hopefully fix

the YouTube

audio issues

YouTube

hit me up

Let me know how it sounds, Mixler, everyone else.

Let me know where you're hearing, if it sounds too hot, what I'm saying, as far as the sound level.

I'm barely hearing anything on the Mixler, hang on.

You're not hearing anything on the Mixler?

No, it's really quiet, hang on.

Oh, really?

It's super fucking quiet.

Are you kidding me?

No, somebody's saying it's...

You're crazy.

Here's an incoming call.

I thought once you went...

Who?

Customer service.

Oh, here you go, here you go, here you go.

Hello, customer service.

30, and I keep getting a call

from you guys

we have a problem here, we were horsing around

in the office, and we were

kind of play fighting, and kind of

just horsing around

I don't want you calling again

beer on the machine, and it's broken, and it just keeps

calling over and over again

hello?

she hung up, she hung up

like I was saying

the

the mixler's kind of quiet for me

but people aren't bitching that much

actually okay maybe it's because i'm on with y'all all right now they're saying the youtube feed is

frozen is it dude do you know how red it's gonna be when we get fucking video going on youtube

feeds yeah if i ever get the shit to work right that's a jerk it's like a caller to conservative

radio there are i'm still talking about conservative radio over there so i don't

think it's working that good let me see you're not even on there maybe they kicked me out for

the music that's another problem too no i hear it oh you do on youtube just refresh

on youtube yeah wait he's saying taking away bass so maybe that's a little bit behind it's

a bit behind yeah yeah i think it's done hang on let me do another update here look at the feed

from the main page this is currently streaming

me i'll wait my time it's like a call or a conservative radio there are i keep saying

a caller about his conservative radio whatever whatever okay yeah that's way behind the youtube

shit so everybody come to the mixer yeah yeah even though you can't hear right now come to the

mixer let's see if i can stop and start broadcasting experimenting is fun it's nice

Nice you got rid of dude tonight

so you got some free time.

I think it might be plugged in upside down.

It's plugged in upside down by the YouTube machine?

Oh, they're not letting me

share the Mixler

and plug in the

YouTube.

Oh, man.

Anyways, it's Mixler.com, everybody.

Slash prank all nation.

Yeah, you'll find it.

Slash.

Keep looking.

Here's what I was getting. Please check the video resolution.

The current resolution is not optimal.

Okay, maybe the audio stream rate is lower than recommended.

That's all they were saying for a while there.

I'll take a look at that.

I'll adjust that.

Here we go.

Here's another one.

Who's taking it?

All right.

Bob.

Hi, this is Robert with customer service.

How can I help you?

Take me off the calling list.

It's a little late.

Be calling around here.

Oh, did you get a phone call from a robo-dialer?

We've been having this problem, sir.

could you help me figure this out because i've got like at least five other other people that

called me tonight and they were all saying pancakes i mean they said that the line was

like calling them over and over they had to press two or something i think someone might

have like gotten into our servers no you think so huh right yeah i think so what what did they

ask you for did they ask you for any information or just an automated system said i want something

or whatever okay um let me see i'm do you mind uh speaking with the technician about this because we

we don't want this to happen again like i i'm trying to solve this problem for you and a bunch

of the uh other people that have been affected i'm just gonna pull him on the line here and he

he's just gonna ask you a question about the call you received uh yeah hasu you there hello

needs to be put on your do not call list well too late now you gave it out you know you didn't have

have to read it out now all the kids are gonna be calling you yeah yeah we're pretty dumb i like it

i'm liking the sound of that number i'm gonna call that shit all the time dog you fucked up

uh yes this is the manager i'm with technical support you were transferred over to me

sir was that the same guy that i'm not sure okay uh i don't know i don't know here's someone here's

customer service my name is balls how could i good night zax i've been in bed for over 30 minutes

how many times have you touched yourself zax is going to bed right now i'm going to bed too say

bye lady say bye good night good night maybe you can tell each other oh i hope you're having fun

i hope you're really having fun you demented people we have you know any you know any

Wholesome nursery rhymes.

She's got me.

Here's another one.

Yeah, what do you want?

Who is this?

This is Baz.

Customer service.

Damn it.

Do you know it's 1030 at night, and I wish you would stop calling,

and I pressed 2 for you to stop calling.

Do not call here again.

Oh, no, 2 is the number that you pressed to be requested to be put on the frequent call list?

No, it's the number to have taken off of the list.

Oh, no, I think some kids got into your system.

They were having a prank or something.

Do not call here again.

Do you understand?

Oh, but it's the call circle machine.

It gets stuck.

Yeah, I know.

I've got 11 new messages on my phone tonight.

Yeah, I mean, Maddie spilled his Coca-Cola on it,

and I think it shorted out, and it just keeps calling.

We have to wait until Monday when the technician comes in to open up the machine.

That technician don't know shit.

I'll fix it, buddy.

Yeah, so I'm really sorry.

We're doing our best here, ma'am.

You better be sorry.

Yeah, well, we're doing our best here.

This is difficult circumstances.

Oh, for the shit.

You know, we get these people with you calling and yelling at us.

It doesn't help a thing when we're troubleshooting.

When we're troubleshooting and we're getting bothered with these calls.

Customer service.

My name is Testicles.

So how can I help you?

Why are you calling my number at this time of the night?

I'm not calling.

The computer's calling.

I don't care who's calling.

That's absolutely ridiculous.

The computer, do you want me to transfer it?

I can transfer it to the computer.

CenturyLink will never get a damn dime from me.

You ever call my number again, I'm going to call the police.

You ain't going to do shit.

Is that right?

Yeah, motherfucker.

All right.

Got you on the record.

What I want to know.

Shove the record up your ass.

Darn right.

Don't you ever call my number again.

I am the CenturyLink robot.

Yeah, I know what you are.

Be bop, be boop.

I am a robot, but I will make your streaming slower.

Oh, boy.

Another one.

Yeah, who dis?

Customer service.

Who is it now?

Yeah.

Who is it now?

You are the one that called my house, and it is 1045 at night.

You need to tell your stupid kids to shut up.

No, you need to tell your stupid self to shut up.

And if you call me again, I'm going to turn yourself in to the Telephone Consumer Protection Act.

Oh, wow, the act itself? You're going to print a copy of it and turn me into it?

I will turn your ass in.

Well, tell you what, pull your pants and your panties down, spread your labia, and shove it up there.

burn do that i would recommend some lube though my name is cross where are you calling from from

the island of malta stop calling me i can't do that i can't it's the computer yes actually you

can't hello hello hello the computer's calling you don't understand because you're a woman all

right she's gone skype are you still there skypers hello oh shit hello skype having some skype

Troubles here

Trying to get them back

Shit

Oh

It worked

I got you back though

I got you back

He called me back

So he called me first

You good?

What?

I got a call

What?

You got me

So I'm here

Okay good

Is everyone else able to connect again?

I don't know

Do you need it?

Do you need to redo it?

Should I rebuild it maybe?

Yeah

Let me do that

Yeah let me do that

While I handle calls

Hang on

Matt I'll call you back

Okay

Customer service

My name is Paint

How can I help you?

Yeah, you need to take us off your phone list.

You need to shove it up your ass.

Okay?

Can you shove the phone up your ass so it stops ringing?

That's the best I can do for you right now, to be honest with you.

Hello, buddy.

You've got to work with me here, okay?

What's that?

You've got to work with me.

You've got to help me out.

If you can shove the phone up your ass, it should stop ringing, and that should stop it for now.

I'm not trying to be cute.

I'm trying to help you out, sir.

It's my job.

Take us off your phone list.

You'd have to talk to someone else, not me.

I mean, do you want to hold?

That can put you through to someone who can help you out.

Yeah, why don't you do that?

Yeah, let's do that.

You want to talk to someone who can help you out with that?

Okay, honey baby.

Hey there.

Here's Dr. Matt Hillock.

Oh, shit.

What's up, buddy?

Dr. Matt Littlejohn.

He'll help you out.

Thank you.

Hey.

Hey, Noon.

They call me Littlejohn.

I'm here to help you out with customer support.

He's gone.

He wanted to be taken off the list.

Here's another one, Matt.

Work on it while I add people.

Okay.

Hey.

You enjoy being on our calling list?

Pardon me?

Do you enjoy being on our calling list?

No, I don't.

You have dialed 7 or 8 times

You just call us back

That's a positive response

And then you're pressing numbers

That's how we know the number's not dead

So we're just going to keep calling

And keep calling

It's like when you get spam email

If you respond to the thing

It's just going to keep coming at you

So what are you doing tonight, sweetheart?

Calling the cops is what I'm doing

About what?

That you called me

And bothered me

What's the urgency?

Here's another one, guys.

Here you go.

Coming up.

Customer service, this is Snozzwell.

How can I help you?

Dr. Snozzwell, you're taking calls?

Yes, I am.

The doctor is in.

Oh, shit.

Hey, Dr. Snozzwell, I have this little growth on the edge in between this space between

my ass and balls.

On the gooch?

On the gooch, you mean?

Yeah.

I was wondering if you could...

I think we need to amputate.

they sold uh fucking what is it called jackass reference the gooch the gooch oh it's funny

johnny knox talking about term dr dr staswell comes out when motherfuckers go for ice cream

no my whole family bailed out they said hey we're gonna go for ice cream

even took the dog there she goes there yeah whatever uh who made it back in did i forget

get anybody i try i got baz matt yeah extra people that's uh awesome

brad hasn't picked up whoever's connected uh let me know so i know yeah

uh it looks like you got clay you got bob ants you got dom got aspa baz myself we're good we're

We're good, we're good, we're good.

Alright, cool.

I might go light up here real quick while...

Oh my goodness, Mike.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, shh.

Don't tell anyone.

Don't tell my dog, Craig.

Checking that YouTube one more time.

Give me a second.

It's almost break time.

Oh, I'll wait till break time.

Well, break time's coming up.

Don't worry, don't worry.

Yeah.

It's...

Fuckin' YouTube.

Fuck you, YouTube.

I'd say fucking hi, yo.

Dude, I just got my card renewed for a few years.

Good, congratulations.

By the way, is anybody watching Twin Peaks, the new Twin Peaks?

I never watched the old one.

Oh, okay.

You kind of watched the old one.

People, yeah.

People, like a lot of people, I really like it.

So I'm sure it's good.

There was just a great line in the last one.

One of the detectives goes, smoke him if you got him.

but i won't even begin to explain just have to watch dude i was listening to some podcasts and

i thought they were talking about the guy said the show was on netflix and it's about a weird

little town up in norway right and then there's another show about that i found this work called

but it's about like like all government type shit it wasn't it was called like um

um to whatever what's it occupied i think it's called occupied it's like it's super neat oh my

god buster case is getting nice buddy um but it's really good and apparently the show i i wanted

is actually on on um it's on amazon prime and it doesn't look as good i watched like half of one

one episode and it's so much green screen in the background this is garbage that amazon prime like

their stuff some of it's okay but it feels like it feels like i'm watching cbs i don't know i get

that cbs feel from i don't know the way they're shot and stuff like that man in the castle or man

in the high castle whatever like yeah how could i not like show like i didn't like that one but

i like bosch though i didn't like the man in the high castle and i thought it was going to be

amazing i thought it was gonna be like i'm really into alternate alternative history books and shit

like that i thought i was gonna be super into it but and seriously alternative history uh like

they need to get away from the whole what if hitler had won the war what if hitler won the

war there's other stuff to do out there come on man like what if i don't know what if small

If you got Prime, you should try watching Bosch.

Have you seen that?

That's the one about, he's like an LAPD homicide detective.

It's pretty good.

There was a guy that did a series of books, the Bosch books.

Anyway, it's pretty good.

It's decent.

Good deal.

If you like detective shows.

I was taking my eye medication.

I was a little distracted at the time.

Let's do a few more of these numbers from Dr. Punchy Machine.

machine, things for sale and such.

Might be late, but they may pick up.

If the producer can hold off on

calls for now, because I am

going to be taking that break.

I don't want to lose any of those.

Antique

Gasto for sale in Florida.

Not found.

All right.

Let me lose the plus sign. That'll help.

Here we go.

This is my favorite part

Where the phones ring?

Yeah, yeah.

Sorry, I missed your call, but if you'll leave your name and number.

You a she.

Someone looking for a small farm tractor.

Let me adjust the caller ID here.

Just a moment.

I want a tractor.

That'd be fun.

i can't own property tractor for sale

i'll make an exception for god i'm special special ed

hello i'm not available your phone number dr punchy and rated

excited curve bridge all right let me call the previous one if i can get my chat logs up here

my call logs rather dude i didn't want to say this but you really are a fucking chat log

i am a chat log you're a fucking tell my face is a chat log i tell you how i got my nephew saying

that all the time your face this your face that he got in trouble with his mom for saying it too

I just like saying the you're whatever to anything, and then it goes back.

You've got to have somebody who knows to go with, like, your face, your bomb, your this.

Or that.

Or else it's just that.

Here we go.

All right.

the picture i was posting i totally forgot about this shit oh damn it i did

yeah hey i'm gonna put you through to dom he's calling about that antique gas thing

all right uh antique gas furnace right uh stove stove yeah my brother uh my brother uh dom wants

it he's a pervert here he goes hey how you doing i'm i'm doing well you got that stove uh yes sir

Okay, is it a nice round stove?

Is it a big stove?

Ah, it's a...

Is it about waist high?

Waist high?

Oh, my God.

Now, how tall is the stove?

Like, where does it go?

Do you got to bend over to put stuff on it?

Ah, no.

Does your wife use it?

No, we're in bad shape.

I just need to clean it up.

If your wife used it, would you watch her, like, kind of, like, look from the living room into the kitchen and just, like, watch her start using it?

You know, imagine her, her ass right there, you know, while she's cooking?

Huh?

Oh, um, do you think if your wife was using the stove, you would sit in the living room and just watch her from afar,

just start imagining her cooking, you know, like what you would do to her from behind while she's cooking?

Oh, hey, hey.

What?

Hey, yeah, there's no need to talk to my brother like that.

Why'd you say he's a sick motherfucker?

He's calling about the stove?

Yeah, I know.

It's something where we didn't watch her.

Oh, is that what he said?

I didn't realize that, no.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Um, yeah, he's not supposed to talk like that, you know?

He's a kid.

No kidding.

yeah he's just a kid i'll take care of him though don't you worry about that all right

you don't need to worry about it motherfucker all right and let me be the sibling here let

me be the big brother and don't you be talking to my brother like that motherfucker you okay

i don't want to hear you talking ever to my little brother like that all right because

that sounds like something i might put a whooping on someone to talk to my brother

have gone like that you understand motherfucker yeah right uh who did i get back the shit just

crashed in skype again yeah i'm back this is me and you i think yeah and ashby uh yeah uh other

people will join here shortly i hope i'll i'll we're gonna take that break i think because the

shit's fucking breaking down here it's a fucking mess man this is okay yeah um i don't know if i

got too many people on skype or whatever yeah let me try one more at least

i'm gonna do one more at least for tractor we'll try that again that one was for you

and that kind of switched you up there that's okay i'm gonna transfer one of you guys back

your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging

baz you made it back yeah we're gonna call uh call for a small fridge for a camper if you're

interested nice yeah actually we're cleaning garage i found a small fridge there you go i

I need one of those.

They also got a set of tire wheels, chrome caps, lug nuts, golf cart.

I got a bunch of shit.

Small fridge, though.

That's what you'll remember.

This is what it is.

Why is Skype so stupid?

Yeah, I'm calling about the small fridge.

You got that damn there small fridge for sale?

Yeah.

Does it work?

Yes, sir.

All right.

I run a business.

so I need to be able to rely on this for my business.

I sell urine samples, so I piss in jars, mason jars,

and I've got to keep it cold, and I send it out to preverts around the country.

So I need a small fridge because my wife doesn't want me putting the piss in the fridge upstairs in the kitchen.

Yeah, can I come over and take a look at it?

Yeah, can I bring a jar of piss to put in it?

I've got to measure the temperature that the piss gets to.

well it doesn't turn me on it's my business but i will be bringing a jar of piss do you want a

piss in a jar for me i'll pay you five bucks for a jar of piss yeah how about some spunk you want

a spunk in a in a in a test tube i'll sell that for 50 bucks i'll give you 20 hello then i put it

in a in a condom and i mail it out there's some real perverts out there yeah you want to go and

and look at some dirty movies with me i get out of it oh you i don't know i don't give a shit

what you get out of it huh gotta speak up there buddy hello yeah i don't know what i get out of

huh go ahead i'll give you a shiny crisp well not shiny but a crisp ten dollar bill i guess

it's shiny if you look at it in the right light i don't know anybody else anybody else i got my

associates on the line maybe they got some ideas of what they can give you yeah hi uh this is dr

Dr. Cross, and I was just on the line, and you were asking what you could get out of it.

You can distill that urine down to some sulfur, you know, and that's, you can barter pretty good for some sulfur.

Hello.

Hey, anybody got some sulfur for sale?

We've got you back.

We're doing some sulfur salts here.

Taking a break soon, Matt, but Skype crashed again.

We've got some hands for sale.

I went ahead and started.

Your call cannot be completed as dialed.

please check the number and dial again

and not have to be added first

we gotta hold an incoming

cause while I prepare for this break

but we're doing a few more here just in case

you're burned, faggot

ooh, I like it, I like exact times

exactly 1am

such a mess, you don't even know

it's 1 o'clock in the morning

stay back

just recalling here that

you had the problem with the urinating in the bed

you know, I haven't peed the bed

i think maybe once when i was 20 i did in college and it freaked me out like what the fuck am i

pissing the bed again i think i was just under a lot of stress it was finals time um but uh what

happens now is if i have to piss if i'm in the middle of a good dream and i have to piss i always

find myself like in the dream looking for a bathroom and i can't find it like i'll be in a

building and i'll be all over and like where's the bathroom where's the bathroom you know that

That subconscious mental block saying you can't piss yourself, so just imagine, like, you know what I mean?

And also, if I got to take a shit, there's one time I had to take a shit, I guess, when I wanted to sleep.

And I was dreaming that I was at my old university.

And this is, like, maybe in the last year.

And in the dream, I just kept going.

I kept finding bathrooms.

Like, I knew from being there in the past where to walk to to get to a bathroom.

room but i get there and the bathrooms are all like full of shit like like like up to the brim

shit everywhere and like i can't sit on gross or all i would find was like urinals that had

shit in them too you know what i mean so and then i woke up and i was like oh man that's crazy like

my body was trained way better than me my friend i i it's i didn't train myself it just happened

it's kind of amazing subconscious or something i've had weird like i've had to piss dreams a lot

you know like when i didn't have to piss myself but i caught myself and it's always like i'm

pissing my dream and i'm pulling out my dick and it's like just keeps getting bare and crazier it's

like big like fucking fat took like a limp worm like two three feet and just you know like one

of those little wiggle worms like a sloppy thing and i'm like trying to piss and it's pissing all

all over and i'm like fucking sorry about this goddamn fire hose kind of thing yeah it's so it

happens a lot yeah i noticed like since i have the no and that's it i was gonna say sticking

sounds of weed dreams i was gonna say since i have so much reefer in me lately my dreams are

like kind of subsiding really the weed yeah every time i had these dreams about the needing to use

used the bathroom and i couldn't find a toilet machine or whatever i was always on ambient that

night so maybe you should kind of try that you know that might help out that maybe i did well

i take trazodone to sleep yeah but uh but i fucking you know i want i can't lucid dream i

get really close and i can't it doesn't uh samantha isn't she really into that couple

i've had a couple accidentally and it was amazing yeah damn can you you can control everything like

Like, I imagine it's like being in the holodeck on Star Trek.

Well, it wasn't like that to me, but it was, like, weird shit.

The one that I could control the most, I was, like, floating around.

It's like video game looking, like, in, like, a room, and, you know, you're, like, POV flying around it.

And the walls were all, like, when you get close to them, they got, like, spiky and colored, and it would hurt.

Like, I get a lot of pain in my dreams.

like like crazy pain like breaking fingers and shit and like and yeah me too but i was fine

i get like crazy pain i wake up with uh sharpies in my butthole my ears and stuff

oh yeah that's me that's jim stewart saying that yeah we gotta take our break man because

someone just mentioned ambient rice and there's some rice in the living room

all right i'm gonna take a break then everyone you guys hang on to be muted

And right now

They're unmuted

Thanks to everyone who's listening

Don't go anywhere

I got more show coming at ya

More people joining

Maybe we can even get Dwight to join

That'd be great

That'd be awesome

I'll be right back in a few

Give me like 8 minutes alright

Enjoy yourselves, urinate, get a cigarette in you

Make a sandwich

I'm gonna go get some ice cream

Is there a toilet here?

No, this is a haberdashery. There is a toilet at the post office next door.

Thank you.

Are you not well?

My balls. I look and I feel feverish.

The bathroom is at the post office, but I think you need a doctor.

Yes. Where is the doctor's office?

The doctor's office is across from the Pyongyang International House of Culture.

Thank you. I ache all over.

You are not well.

Can I get an injection there?

Yes. Our hospitals have the most modern amenities.

I hope to see a lift. I am too tired to walk the stairs.

Yes.

What is the cost of the hospital?

Cost is nothing. We don't pay for the medical care.

We believe it is criminal offense to profit from illness.

that is logical thank you for your assistance we know well that if we defend socialism we'll

enjoy victory and happiness and on the contrary if we abandon it we'll suffer defeat no challenging

no difficulty can shake the conviction of socialist career free at 1-888-278-8509

you know what i hope that when you die they put your gps in your box and a trap door at the bottom

So when you die, you open a trapdoor at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

You can check the GPS and you go straight down to hell.

We'll always be behind you. Do not let a woman, ever, ever, make you who you are.

Yeah, you know, technically, I'm not even really supposed to be here right now.

So fuck it.

I'm listening to you.

Nation in the nation.

Prank call nation.

I feel like I can do anything.

I'll tell you what the show, I'm seeing here who has made it with me, Nashby, Baz, Dwight.

Dwight, you made it, Dwight.

Yeah, Dwight, yeah.

Matt, Dom, you guys there?

Gentlemen, anybody?

Uh-oh.

Oh, I see why.

I hit the wrong one.

Oops.

Okay, here we go.

Got you back.

All right.

Dwight, you make it?

Is that you?

How was wrestling? Were there any terrorist attacks?

No, other than one bench hold.

One bench hold was wrestling.

It's echoing.

Disgusting.

They really like wrestling out there.

The aforementioned people are all here, I presume, in some form or fashion.

Yes, I am here.

Good, good.

Fuck yeah.

Do you want to jump on, Dwight?

I'll let you on unless you're tired and taking a night off.

No, I'll be like, what's up?

We've been having fun.

It's been a fun night tonight.

Okay.

It has been fun.

Let me know the producer.

Let me let the producer know.

You can send them home.

All right.

How did you get a producer?

That's Dwight's producer, not my producer.

He's a good guy.

He's good at his stuff.

You got to ask them.

They're friends.

Y'all want the producer

up in the video

dancing and shit, remember

coming to Death Row, man.

You don't want the producers up in there

fucking shit up.

Dance it all up in the video.

Right. Death Row, nigga.

All up in the songs.

I don't think

you ever watch the

show called The Pound House on YouTube.

It's really good.

It's by the comedian Doug Pound.

But anyways,

There's like one shed where they're doing beats next door and the guys like no man

Never seen it. I'll have to check it out. I like Snoop's YouTube. I'll send you

Let me know the Stoops YouTube shows the shit

Well, this is like the comedy guy. He's like he used to edit for Tim and Eric and shit

Thank you for calling customer service

How may I assist you?

Thank you for calling customer service

I will provide you the best customer service available at the time

How may I assist you?

I want to take off the do not call list

Okay, so we want to take you off of the do not call list

We can help you out with that, no problem

Just go ahead and provide me the last two numbers of your telephone number

so I can make sure I have the correct number to be removed.

6-4-3-9.

6-4-3-9, okay, because that is absolutely the last two.

We'll go ahead and take you off of the do not call list,

which then by default puts you on the call list.

Do you understand that, right?

You understood everything I just said?

No, I don't want to be called no more.

It is 10-30, quarter to 11 here, and I've been called eight times.

Okay, then why would you ask me to take you off of the do not call list

if you don't want the calls to come through anymore?

more well i do not want the calls to come through okay would you want you would want to be placed on

the on the do not call it's not taken off of the do not call yes i'm sorry i want to be on the on

the do not call list i'm sorry okay right and i would do that for you but unfortunately after i

removed you from the do not call list you have to wait 30 business days before you could be placed

back on the do not call list okay thank you okay that it honey baby she's the stupid one she doesn't

know what she's talking about hey carlito i sent you the thing on facebook oh right dope dope beats

okay and i saw you don't need to watch it i saw the picture the disgusting picture i saw yeah

yeah so there were dicks okay so i feel a little better um you know i don't feel like retching as

much that isn't real penis right that's fake i don't know dude that's crazy you know let's see

See, Baz sent me a contact request.

I'm hoping it's...

Yeah, I sent you a contact request.

Baz, I don't know.

I'm on this win 10 shit, so I'll do it.

I don't know how I even accept.

Okay.

Baz doesn't have that account.

I see you green.

You don't have the poop time for the win.

Let's see.

I have you as a contact, man.

Poop time for the win should be a thing.

Oh, yeah.

I got it now.

Yeah.

I think the new Skype's being retarded.

Dude, I hate this new Skype.

It's so stupid.

I should like the fact that it's a black

background. That should win me

over. Overall,

it's hack-sory, but

it's kind of garbage.

I got you on my

contact list. It shows you

as being online and active right now.

Speaking of which, Mr. Matt,

have you enabled

dark mode on YouTube? Do you know how to do that?

I know of it. Yeah, it's

like the gaming mode. I

don't do it because

whenever I'm watching YouTube, I

i typically go like full screen like i'm not laying in bed doing it too late i took too long

my bad like if i'm watching youtube it's usually full screen you know so there's no point in doing

yeah but it's slick like yeah i know there's like programs that'll make your shit darker

or whatever while you're sleeping time hello quick trip oh hey how you doing honey baby

stupid Carla hey Brad was in the chat a minute ago

do you add him to this call I did he left it so okay he's like I'm not doing

shit I got a lady friend fuck you squares so he's trying to say yeah cool

Cool. All right.

What do you usually do about now?

What should I be doing?

Oh, I would have been off the air by now.

I started late. Here we go.

Customer service.

My name is Meeb. How can I help you?

Hello.

Meeb, you're acting weird tonight.

Weird calls are fun.

Let's have fun. Let's do a late show.

Let's do eight hours.

I'm just looking at Dom the Bomb with his Lebanese eyebrows now.

Some of my favorite Carlito calls are the silly ones.

Silly's good.

Silly's always good.

Stupid's good.

Customer service.

My name is Thilly.

How can I help you?

Hello?

Would you like to be removed from the call list?

Yeah.

Why did it take you so long to say something?

Oh, my God.

Stupid.

It's like plenty.

What will happen?

These people, I tell you.

No, you don't have to keep hitting two.

Who?

Jesus Christ.

Do you have to write that?

She likes number two because it says report.

You have to write down the confirmation number.

Ma'am.

Hello.

I have to give you a confirmation number.

Just take the L up.

Removals Department.

My name is Horse.

How can I help you?

I would like you to remove me from this call, please.

Okay.

I need to give you the confirmation number in order for that to work.

You have to type it back into the phone to me.

Are you ready to copy it down?

please remove me from your call i need to give you the confirmation number to get you removed

if you let me say it to you i can hello you need to tell them to make sure you have paper

i think she clicked on thank you for calling joke of the day are you ready for your joke of the day

there it is we get the whistle yes you called the whistle like an hour bingo yeah

Yeah, remember we had the UK dude do that before Carlito?

Eventually there's a rape whistle.

It's an absurd that dude brings a rape whistle.

Hello?

Yes, my name is Rape. How can I help you?

Pardon me?

My name is Rape. How can I help you?

Yeah, well, I don't know. The phone call rang and said I'd press 1, I'd get an operator.

Oh, yeah, sure, yeah. Did you want to get the code?

It's for a $50 gift certificate to Walden.

No, I want to tell you, I want to speak to your supervisor.

You're calling, do not call a number, and this is 11 o'clock, 1130 here.

I'm calling Dibs.

All right, I'm going to put you through to the supervisor.

His name is Ryan.

Just a moment, please.

Go ahead, not Ryan.

Oh, am I being mistoken?

How are you doing there?

I hear you don't like our service.

I'm not very happy.

It's 1130, and I've got about four of these calls tonight.

What do you do?

do not call what are you doing what are you doing tonight are you were you asleep were you asleep

did it really bother i hate to bother good folks like you would you like to talk to my supervisor

i want to talk to somebody who gets okay this is the man i see him over there in the call center

he's hiking up his pants as i'm passing this call to him he looks so here it goes you're not

listening i said hello this is the supervisor's supervisor my name is snozzwell i'm i'm in charge

here this is what seems to be the problem this evening it's 11 30 yeah i've been hiking up my

pants like maddie said and i'm ready for action what's what's the problem well it's 11 30 does

that have a problem with you yes it is you are entirely correct sir very good this is a do not

call number also oh you want to be on the do not call list okay i'm already on the do not call list

okay we can do something about that sir uh let me see i need to look into our protocols

and see how to convert you to the do not call list i will advise you i'm reading here on the

script that it may take uh two to four working weeks to process this uh during which time you

You may receive up to 35 calls per day.

35 calls a day?

Yes.

Well, we have the machine, you know, that handles all the call-ins.

Yes, the machine we know.

Uh-huh.

The call circle machine.

Right.

Uh-huh.

Well, let me tell you.

How can I help you?

I'll just start with the local attorney and see what I can find out about it.

Oh, what's he going to tell you?

Is he going to tell you to sue?

Hello?

Does your town just have one local attorney?

Fix your machine so it doesn't call me four times in two hours.

Oh, well, we try to, sir.

There's a screw that's loose in the middle of it, and we can't seem to get to it.

We'd like to have one of them special screwdrivers with a little bend at the tip.

Yeah.

You know, I just can't get in.

Yeah, I understand that.

Matt dropped it one day when he was coming back from break.

I thought it was the star tip driver, but it's not.

Yeah, and then he dropped the whole machine, the box, and it went crash.

Pull the plug on it.

Well, we tried that, sir.

That was the first thing we tried.

Call that electricity.

Pull the plug and don't plug it back in.

It's become senian.

We waited 30 seconds, and then we plugged it back in.

Have you heard about AI, sir?

Why?

I would talk to the idiot.

I like him saying

I'm gone. Floating

backwards into the ether.

I'm gone.

He just gave up.

He's got a cape on. He's going to put it over himself like Dracula.

It's like

him saying I'm gone.

He's floating backwards in a black space.

It sounds like something Fresh Prince would say

in 92. Customer service,

you've been holding. How can we help you?

Hello. Phone number ending in 38.

You're on. You're on the air.

Doug, you're fresh. You're on.

this is your last and only chance

presume they haven't disconnected until I say they're gone

you know what I mean

hey Carlito I can give you

let's see

hang on what are my contacts

I don't even know how to do contacts

no on the new Skype

I don't just know how to see my contacts

I'm just seeing the recent chat

hey Dwight

will you look for that Dwight

Hey, so did you follow your diet?

Did you have some popcorn, a hot dog?

I can't hear you over the music, sir.

Did you just stop that?

You hear me now?

Yes.

Did you have a nice hot dog or anything?

Popcorn?

I ate before I went because they were expensive.

Very expensive there.

And you couldn't have beer because you were with your niece?

I was driving, of course.

Why did you stop driving and stop beer drinking?

well because i was driving from a large city with full of cops uh but yeah they uh they didn't have

hot dogs they had like pizza and they had wings but it was pizza for like a pizza it was like 15

dollars and like for for wings for like i think like eight boneless wings it was like 10 50 or

some shit like that and it was probably garbage food sorry i didn't get a program but big foam

finger no uh no she i i bought my niece a shirt before we went customer service my name is fingers

how can i help you okay dr fingers no there's anything i'd be one can i say i'm tic tac yes

yeah they announced they were holding a pay-per-view here in october like towards

the end while we're there and now my niece is like i want to go to that and i'm like

i was like yeah that's like another like that's more expensive than the thing we just went to

Our incoming, Dwight. We've got two coming in. I'm going to put them both in.

Customer service, this is Tic Tac. How are you?

I am not happy.

Oh, pray tell, ma'am. How can we be of service?

This computer has called my parents' house about every hour for four hours.

Oh, no. Oh, my gosh.

Okay, I don't know who this is, but you need to take this number off the list now.

Well, we're aware that there's a problem, and we're working diligently day and night to rectify the situation.

There seems to be a problem with the machine.

I would unplug it.

Well, we tried that.

That's the first thing we tried, ma'am.

We're not dummies here.

We've all completed at least the GED.

I realize that, but do you realize it is 12 o'clock where I am right now?

Oh, I know.

It's 3 a.m. where we are, ma'am.

Well, then you guys can figure out how to solve it.

We're struggling here, too.

Well.

You think your shit don't stink?

You know, I really don't think that was an appropriate thing to say.

Oh, well, I'm just sorry, ma'am.

It's been a long day.

Well, you know what?

So tell me again, who is this company that's calling?

Oh, we're the customer service company.

Of what?

Customer service co.

And so you represent a hotel chain or what?

No, we represent customer service company.

It's a big business company.

So you were in customer service, and you just told me, I don't think my shed don't stink.

Wow.

I'm sorry, ma'am.

It's been a long day.

I've got gout.

I have gout.

Okay, customer service company.

So tell me the name of the main office where I can call tomorrow.

Oh, the main office is in Roy, New Mexico.

Okay.

Yeah.

And what's the number?

Roy, New Mexico.

What's the number?

Oh, the number should be on your caller ID right now.

I'm calling from the main office right now.

So this computer is tracking around and it's just coming to this main office?

We've had a problem, ma'am, with the computer machine.

We were really high tonight.

We were all smoking out in the server room and Dwight got a little crazy and he started chasing us all around.

and he had this crazy look in his eye.

We didn't know what was going on.

And he ended up crashing into the call circle machine

and it fell down and it's just been calling numbers

off and on, nonstop.

Oh, I would go shut off the main power

to whatever building.

Okay, how do we do that, ma'am?

Can you tell us?

I don't know, but you need to figure it out.

You need to figure it out.

Can you help us?

We're having trouble here.

I mean, do you know what button I should push?

I

I mean, we've been pushing all the button machines.

Nothing's working.

Well, I would call somebody that might know.

Okay, can you tell us who to call?

We'll call them right now.

Hey there, Dr. Snodwell.

Well, have you got the machine turned off yet?

Okay, I'm going to put Matty on.

Have you got the machine off?

I don't know.

I tried to.

I pulled the plug out five times.

But you didn't seem to do anything.

Is it still calling these busybodies living?

You know, I pulled the plug out, and it still kept calling.

It's like it's becoming self-aware, they call it.

Yeah, I think so.

So, you know, we're going to have to bow down to the robot masters.

Ma'am, can you bow down?

Five incoming, five incoming, stand by.

Oh, my God, just put them all.

Anyway.

This customer, sir, is looking to help you, sir.

Can you please stop?

Ma'am, first, can you have your daughter and your husband put down the other extension so I can help you out?

I'm tired of hearing them echo your same sentiment.

Do not have.

Okay, then who is that man on the other end trying to mansplain things for me?

hey don't yell don't yell asshole we're trying to do a job

who's calling hello richport taco bell how can i help you the daily specials a five dollar

buck box taco bell hello who is this who's calling me hello sir your daily specials a

five dollar buck box and nacho cheese burrito where are you everyone left here's one customer

service my name is her oh customer service my name is her how can i help you i would like to

get on the do not call list uh that's not us we don't do not call list they told me to press two

and then connect you with somebody who would do it midnight here oh my god why you're not you're

not supposed to get calls this late we're supposed to be calling australia right now

well you're calling is that in new zealand perhaps is it is it new roy new mexico by any chance yeah

new zealand is is is one of we're we operate new zealand hong kong and australia right now well

Well, I'm getting sent. I'm in the USA.

Oh, Lord. Oh, what should we do about that?

How do I fix this? I don't know.

Do you have access to the computer?

I'm going to connect three more people.

Is he anywhere near Roy, New Mexico?

My name is Machine. How can I help you?

Is this the Farmington Police Department?

Yes.

Yeah, this is Vic Mackey.

Is this the Farmington Police Department?

Yes, my name is Detective Vic Mackey. How can I help you?

Mackey?

Yes, Detective Vic Mackey.

Yes, I'm his partner, Cletus Van Damme.

How may we help you?

Calling in because you assholes keep calling here.

Excuse me, sir.

And I want to stop.

That's cursed, Doc.

I know.

The last guy called you a jackass.

I'm calling you an asshole.

No need for cursing, sir.

If you want anything done, you need to talk to Officer Acevedo.

He's the man behind the plan.

We all think you're a motherfucker, so how about that?

Yeah, I am.

Okay, all right.

You think you're the bee's knees, but you ain't shit.

What are you going to do to my mother, motherfucker, you?

Don't you start with me.

Yeah, you think your shit don't stink?

Yeah, well, get the police to be contacting you shortly.

All right, cool.

Well, I'm friends with Shane Vandrell, so I'm good.

You ain't cheap or shit.

Well, I am friends with Detective Wims, Detective Wagonback.

You ain't a detective either.

But Wagonback's kind of an asshole.

Yeah, you are an asshole.

Wagonback tried to fuck Mackie's ex-wife.

That's a known fact.

I know. I heard you laughing down in the background about somebody else calling you a jackass.

Are you an old prospector by any chance?

Or maybe a cookie?

When you're on disability, do you get that accent with the card?

I just noticed the name is Stinky Pete.

I'll find people saying the exact same thing at the exact same time, like three times in a row.

Stupid motherfucker

Stinky Pete was the

Seal on

Fucking Sealab 2021

Hey there Stinky Pete

Cha-cha-cha

Maybe I threw something out

Is this the Farmington Police? Yes, you've called the barn

How can we help you?

Yeah, this is the barn

I just finished re-watching that whole

That whole series

It's so good, the wires

I think I need to do that someday

It's really good

I just got done with Oz

Believe it or not

That's what I did

I was way late to the game too

But I watched Oz and then I watched The Wire

So go in The Wire now

You guys go watch The Shield

It's good

I don't know because Shields was regular TV

So I'm a little leery

When it's censored still

Censored?

yeah i mean it's not like hbo show right the wire oh the wire not the wire i'm sorry the

shield's close it was on it was on fx oh shield or something yeah yeah yeah like they got the

they said they talked about dick sucking had a mouthful maybe i'll give it a whirl

the things in it so dieger dieger's always eating pussy when mackie comes in to ask him questions

I've actually been getting caught up on Shameless

That's a pretty good show

The show is almost in the end

And it ends up being more about the tragedy of Shane

Shane Vandrell

And it makes you want to come drink

In Chicago man

Yeah Southside

Do you see me

Are you not in the tiny chat

I'm not in the tiny chat sorry man

I was going to say I could turn on here but I can't

Anyways I'm drinking an old style

Nice

Is your last name Gallagher

No it's Elick

oh yeah it's funny because i knew some gallers and they were so scummy it'd be great it's like

i ran into like foul times with them we find out after all these years his real name does not

hillock

yeah you're looking for a mobile home no what do you mean no motherfucker who's not looking

for a mobile home it says you're looking for a 10 wide mobile home no i'm not looking for one

Well, you're a motherfucker then.

Is this Donald?

No, this ain't Donald.

This is Mark.

Where's Donald at, motherfucker?

Quit calling me names, man.

You know what time it is.

I don't give a shit.

Don't give me no shit, motherfucker.

What?

If you did come over here, don't ever call me a motherfucker.

Motherfucker.

You little motherfucker.

Motherfucker.

You're a motherfucker.

I'll fuck you.

Well, I'll fuck you and your mama.

i love i love the super angry and then the hang up it makes no sense

if you ever did come over here don't call me names don't call me a

it's so stupid

that's uh these are dr punchy numbers i'm doing here while we wait for some more calls to possibly

come in yeah here's an aquarium tank white you gotta do that you know about the fish

This is Deanna J. Gay

That's her name

Man, I've been watching Aquarium dudes

On YouTube lately

Like, aquariums are a whole different thing

From what I used to do before

They're amazing nowadays

You're gonna get that powdered seawater

Do a rail of powdered seawater?

Good looking animal

At the tone, please record your message

When you've finished record

It's not after the tone

If you're talking at the tone

That's a very short amount of time

time and there's a beep going during it so you can't do it at the tone it's after the tone

i've almost got last saturday show edited and ready to be put up but nick caesar

drew me a bunch of pictures like 14 pictures for this one

yeah these are the ones from last saturday i'm behind like almost two to three weeks in episodes

but i just keep skipping around i'm not even going in fucking order anymore i was like oh

Oh, this was a funny show. I'm going to edit this real quick.

Oh, yeah, incoming's great.

And then I remember how big of a clusterfuck it is to edit incoming.

That ding-dong means incoming, but I didn't get to it in time.

You're a fucking ding-dong.

Commercial pressure washer here for Matt's asshole.

Wire me. Just fucking ring me up.

I recommended that to Artie one time.

He said he was with that one stinky pussy woman.

I said, take her to the car wash and use the power washer on her.

Real far away.

Firehose.

She was black and used a fire hose on her.

Hello, please leave a message.

How would people react if, as a prank, we got black people to turn a fire hose on a black guy on YouTube?

Just to see how people react.

Hey, Carlito, I shared the wiki of Jack Valente.

Okay.

Because people were asking who that was earlier.

Okay, good.

Here's someone was calling.

I'm talking too much.

uh that's my that's my job dude we get organ a free organ sexual sexual oh thank you punchy

i would send a call

we need to see the organ you can leave your message after the tone

or the kill see see that was correct after the tone that's the correct way to do your

am i the am i the only one thinks that's a weird saying at the tone it's really it's after the

tone because at the time you can start saying immediately

and you'd have a very small time it's like saying you know if you're going to shoot someone you're

like you know what do we shoot one two and shoot on three or shoot say three in the issue that's

shooting on three you're like right there right instead of saying three when three's over then

you you know if ever i'm in a situation where someone agrees that like we're gonna shoot at

each other on three i'm gonna wait until they walk away and shoot him in the head that instant

here's an incoming call let's do it dwight it's your turn oh no thank you for calling

customer service i'll provide you the best customer how may i assist you how may i assist

you. You, I will assist.

Oh, damn it. We're gonna try that

organ again. Have faith.

I still say, somebody

try a fucking Indian voice.

Because I guarantee these hicks will get

mad as shit at a fucking guy named

Hicks. I like doing it, but

I have to do it now. Thank you for

customer service. Yeah, we'll do that.

Do that, dude. I just can't do it.

Can I help you? Hello? Hello, motherfucker.

Hello? Your message after

the tone. Here's another incoming

call. There it went.

side-by-side fridge here this is and there it goes there it goes uh side-by-side fridge machine

grandpa used to like joke and when my grandma wouldn't catch on to it he would just look over

his head and say there goes another one like as if something's flying by the silly broad doesn't

know what i'm talking about you have reached the voicemail no you wouldn't drink her i wish she

would have was like back in the day after world war ii and shit but quit a person looking for

someone to do heavy duty sandblasting you just say duty duty gotta be like an octopus

you've got incoming calls you're making calls you've got music going in and out

you guys have called me for uh some kind of redemption it's midnight where i live one

Congratulations

That's awesome

We have the whole team here ma'am

We're all here congratulations

We're so happy

Stayed awake

Because you truly are a winner

You there dear

She hung up a while ago

Yeah yeah

Shout out to Weegee

Congratulations

How many damn people are on this

Yeah you won

You won, sir, you won.

Yay, you won.

Congratulations.

You won the grand prize, sir.

Hey, you know it's fucking midnight, right?

Well, yeah, you should be happy.

It shouldn't matter what time it is.

He won.

If I ever found you, I'd chop your fucking dick off

and slam it down your throat, you dumb motherfucker.

Oh, promises promise.

I'll never call this fucking number again, you dipshit piece of fuck.

But then how will you get the prize, dumbass?

Yeah, you're going to want to see the prize.

Hello?

Hello, how can you see the prize if I'm a eunuch?

I think he blushed after he made his curse words, didn't he?

Here's another one.

Customer service, ding dong, how can I help you?

Yes, we need to be taken off your list.

It's like auto-dialing.

We've got like four calls in the last ten minutes.

Yeah, you see, what happened was the computer, we have a virus and it's sending spam calls out, you know?

and we have our engineers working on it,

but it's pretty much going to keep calling here until we can get it fixed.

Let your machines down, do whatever, but I'm tired of getting the call.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

So the one option is we can put you on the immediate do not call list

to get that rectified, okay?

Yeah, that'd be great.

Now, in order to do that, you'd have to sign up for do not call list plus.

It's a service provided by us, customer service LLC.

We're not going to do that.

Put us on your list or I'll end up calling the...

No, you gotta pay. You gotta pay for this one here.

I'm not fucking paying for anything, you jackass.

Did you hear what I just told you?

You're off your competitive rates, motherfucker.

I'll call the go...

No?

You're gonna get a 10,000 fine. I know how this works.

I'm not paying you shit.

Listen, can I explain this?

Hello, this is the government. I was listening on the line.

Is there a problem? Somebody mentioned us.

We're on the U.S. Virgin Islands, sir.

It's a whole ton of numbers.

I'm going to connect the two of them here.

Just one of them.

Customer service.

We're located in the United States Virgin Islands.

How can I help you?

You called me.

Yeah, I understand you won.

Congratulations.

You just won the...

No, I don't won that shit.

Did you call me at 12 o'clock at night?

Hey, hey, hey.

You don't need to say the S word, okay?

Yeah, I do.

When you call me at 12 o'clock at night...

No, please.

Yeah, I do have to say that.

It's 12 o'clock in the fucking midnight.

Yeah, 12 o'clock in the fucking midnight, yeah.

Yeah, motherfucker.

So I can fix that for you, asshole.

All right.

You can suck my dick?

Is that what you just said?

Okay, fine.

The computer's just going to keep calling you stupid shit.

Okay, you know how hard it is to unplug the phone, you dumb shit?

Okay, but when you unplug, you have to plug in the phone again at some point.

Fucking idiot.

And we'll just call your secondary number, presuming that's your cell phone.

So I'm going to switch you over right now, actually, to cell phone calling.

Oh, you could switch me over, couldn't you?

Yeah, I'm doing it now.

You're going to start getting the calls on your cell phone.

So you can shut that off, too.

What are you going to shut off after that?

Oh, yeah, that's real easy.

Where I, on my cell phone, I just hit a button where it says reject,

and then it doesn't happen anymore.

So, then I'm going to send a guy to ring your doorbell.

I'll ring that fucking doorbell.

I got it, I got it.

Customer service.

That guy knew the government.

That's funny.

Here he is.

Dwight's going to help you.

Thank you for calling the Church of Scientology customer service hotline.

How can I help you?

Are you here because your thetan levels are high?

You didn't catch when they connected.

That's okay.

2 a.m.?

I ran out of punchy numbers.

That's fine.

No problem.

No need to send any more because I'm going to be wrapping things up here.

See if I can find a store I can call this late at night.

Oh, McDonald's?

McDonald's isn't funny.

Let's see, call, like, Gwamers, like, and McDonald's.

Customer service.

Thank you for calling customer service.

service how can i help you you are calling customer service how can i help you know why

you're calling me at midnight what is so important that you have to wake me up at midnight are you

calling to inform you that you have been selected to become one of our international mail order

brides people will order you from the magazines and you will be shipped to their homes well you

are retarded and and and and i hope this is recorded because you guys are calling me at

midnight for some insane idea mail order bride asshole would you like to speak to a supervisor

who assists you might maybe better no you're an asshole i am supervisor i assist better what i

assist better i supervisor you are my name is my name is well you are retarded for calling me at

Ma'am, I am not retarded. I am Indian.

Big difference. Not really.

Damn, that lady really didn't like retards.

Yeah, she's really anti-retardist.

Sorry, Dwight.

Jump in.

What the fuck are you doing, Baz? What the fuck, man?

Why would you ever watch Gandhi until you're charged?

So apparently Gandhi snuck away while his father was dying to have sex with his mistress.

Who did?

Gandhi.

gandhi snuck away he was at his father's bedside and his father was on his dying breaths and he

he was a sex addict the way to have sex with his wife and he was dead he missed it and it became

so overcome with grief over that that he swore off of sex at the age of 30 something um but he

would still lay naked in bed with young beautiful indian women that were following him i was i was

I think it's an old Nas song.

I sip the Don Peeve and watch Gandhi till I'm charged.

I've never seen that.

I sip the Don Peeve and watch Gandhi till I'm charged.

See, Don knows what we're talking about.

Write a name in my book.

It rhymes all the words past the margin.

See?

Hello.

It's spiritual movement.

It's Steve's thing.

Play me at night.

They won't act right.

The beat of hip-hop has got me stuck like a crackpot.

Hey, fuck yeah.

Hey, you're out of work for your congratulations.

congratulations hey do you get to bring all the uh chicken sliders man that's my favorite i'm

sorry what about the chicken sliders chicken slider is the best slider because is all right

so is that basically just a chicken tender in uh in a slider bun with a piece of provolone

it's with a piece of swiss cheese swiss it's straight it's provolone here maybe i don't know

maybe not i don't know maybe maybe they made a mistake and put provolone i get it all i get it

all the time oh oh you mean the pizza slider no i don't the pizza slider is okay gave me a little

little bit of heartburn the pizza sliders the pizza sliders the one with the provolone yeah

i'm telling you uh okay but the chicken sliders in my opinion is the best one it seems to be the

longest to take i guess because you have to fry the patty probably when it gets called up yeah

it takes it takes five minutes in the fryer for the chicken tender and then um then we just put

it together we we just got our new uh pro prochetta um sandwiches they're they're pretty

be good okay probably high in calories there's an incoming call someone take it please hello

customer service how may i help you hello we're talking about sliders here hello

hello yes how can we help you uh i print number well you're stupid aren't you

let me guess you press two like a faggot you should press five dude press five right now

like a real man can we sign you up no he won't do it he's a pussy he won't do it

Come on motherfucker

Yeah press 5-2 and you get the special service

He's not intelligent enough

What?

You can kiss my ass

Press 5-2

Did you scratch your head while you were saying that?

He was trying to think of a good thing to say

Stick your tongue out a little bit and scratch your head and squint

And then he's like you know what?

I'll tell you what

You can kiss my ass

What should I say? Hang on

What?

I got one

You press 5-2 and you get a free

Order of grits

Do you want some grits?

They're good for your hair

If you press 6 you can come up with a better comeback

He's gone

I hear the boop boop

I got this next one

Here it is

Oh Jesus green ink

Customer service

How may I help you

Customer service

How may I help you

Would you like to be removed from the do not call list

Yes please do

Okay, I will put you on the call list, thus removing you from the do not call list.

You only get one request with this call, sir, and we just put you on the call list and removed you from the do not call list.

You called five times, and if you call again, I'm going to call you guys again at midnight, and you guys have called me off.

I'm sorry, sir, but you got put on the call list. You only get one request.

Yes, sir. And if I could help my colleague here, we can offer you another option, which is go fuck yourself.

So please choose from option one or option two. Thank you.

Several calls coming in. Several calls.

Customer service, how can I help you?

Hello? Hello? Customer service, hello?

Hello, yeah. What are you calling at this time of the night?

I don't know why you guys are calling us. It's like, I don't know what's going on.

Hey, no, we're not calling you. This is the third time you guys call us.

No, you, yeah, it's like saying, like, um, do you want us to place you on a no-call list?

Like, it's a solicitor, like, uh, pushing two to say don't second while we can.

Hey, no, no, no, just don't call me, put me on that.

We're not calling you. We're pushing. You're calling us.

No, no, no, I'm not. I'm not. This is the third time that you wake me up.

We're getting a computer. Some computer's calling us, and then we keep telling them not,

you want us to not call two, and we push two, and then it said we're getting a phone from you.

I don't know what's going on.

Oh, okay. Well, then everything's screwed up, but I don't need this call.

Yeah, no, because you're waking up, I mean, these calls are waking up the house here, too.

Well, they're waking me up. It's the third time it happens.

Three times, too, and it's not, I don't think it's anybody's fault, but we're getting a computer that's saying, like, it's some telemarketer.

And where are you at?

I'm in New Mexico.

Where in New Mexico? Well, I'm here in Farmington, too.

Yeah, I'm being and keep

pushing to and it says wait one sec. Yeah. Okay. Well, I don't know what's going on, man

I'm sorry. My phone. Okay. Okay. Okay. Sorry, bro

Acceptable I was trying to frame

Our employee

When I was in, like, the 7th or 8th grade, when call waiting or three-way calling first came out, like, I had so much fun just calling stores and doing the...

Oh, how can I help you?

Hello?

Customer service, how can I help you?

Look, you either doubt his phone call with the customer service representative, or you fuck off.

Talk, motherfucker, you.

Bam.

Dude, they're very bold choices.

Come on, talk.

Whose world is this?

This world is mine.

You're just sucking up all of my air

over here, bitch

That's such a good album

That's been

running through my head a lot lately

and the fucking day infamous

I always find myself listening to that song

like during like hot summer days

That song in One in a Million

by Pete Rock

What did you have for dinner, Carlito?

What did you have for dinner?

I made a dirty Cajun rice

and I made a

That's a call coming in

a lime oregano uh it's a call coming customer service my name is pork how can i help you not

do not call this number again hey wait a minute why why not what happened this time and i forget

it well i just received i've been bothered with this phone call i just received i just received

a phone call here it came to me and i picked it up bitch you know take me off the list please

but why but why yeah yeah i had uh chicken chicken fajitas let me check the fajitas

yeah nice chicken fajitas stuff man good eat congratulations uh how did you stuff them what

did you do there what kind of do you not just just just bell peppers cut up and

i cut up the chicken i threw it all into the air fryer what is an air fryer buddy oh dude

Dude, air fryer's awesome.

You gotta get that, Matt.

You don't know about that?

Oh, yeah, they're fucking awesome.

You cook your food in, like, I think it's, like, a third of the time.

Is it, like, the table topping?

Sir, my name is Butter.

How can I help you?

Hello?

Yes, my name is Butter.

How can I help you?

You called me, you fucking fucker.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

All right, does it need for that, sir?

I'm just trying to help.

Hello?

Yes, hello?

Hello?

Yes, hello?

Hello?

How can I help you?

Hello?

You called me.

What do you want?

Well, I'm here.

Hello?

I hear you.

Yes.

You calling me.

I just picked up the phone.

How can I help you?

No, you called me.

My phone rang.

My phone ringing.

I'm picking up this phone.

That's what happened.

I don't know.

This is the fourth fucking time.

Hello, customer service?

Yes.

Can you please take me off your calling list?

Oh, I'm sorry.

What?

And would you get me off your calling list?

If it's three calls, I can't.

Shut up, bitch.

It's my turn.

You wait your turn.

Yeah, she was a little mouthy.

I'm sorry, sir.

What was your problem?

She was really rude.

Can you help me get off the calling list, please?

Oh, I think for a gentleman like you, certainly.

I'm looking at this goddamn air fryer.

Customer service.

How may I help you?

Just temperature control.

Okay, you guys got to tell me, what does this air fryer do?

Customer service.

Hello?

Hi, I've had a couple phone calls in the last couple minutes,

so I was just requesting not to get any more phone calls.

Ma'am?

Uh-huh?

It is 12.15 here.

You have called twice.

I'm trying to sleep.

I don't appreciate late calls like this when somebody is trying to sleep.

Would you not call again?

I got calls, too.

How many people are on the line?

I can hear you, and I can hear another person talking, too.

I don't know.

I just called in, too, for the very same reason.

I just heard a guy talking, too, so I think they're calling everybody this late.

I was calling to complain, just like you.

I didn't know whether you were the person calling or not.

Yeah, there was somebody else on the line with us, and I think they hung up.

I'm here. I'm receiving harassing calls.

Oh, you're there?

I'm receiving harassing calls.

Sir?

Yes?

Sir, it is 1215 here.

I'm getting phone calls, too, please.

Oh, you do, huh?

Yeah.

Oh, my gosh.

Well, we tried.

There's nothing I can do.

How big are your breasts?

Well, you don't need to know.

Well, tell me.

I want to touch and kiss them.

You're crazy.

Oh, I'm crazy about you.

Yes, you are.

You are absolutely absurd, and I don't appreciate that.

Oh, there's no need to be shy about this.

You have sexual organs, and I like to kiss them.

He said, I'd like to check.

Okay, here's two more.

Hey, how does the air fryer work, guys?

You don't have to use, like, hardly any oil.

Customer service is calling for your air fryer.

Splash it around.

Hello?

Retard.

Hello, sir?

Hey, can I help you?

Yeah.

Why not, stupid?

Why?

Why do you want that, stupid?

For what?

All right, so air fryers, guys, basically, it's like frying.

It goes in a convex oven-looking thing, so you use way less oil.

I'm looking at the pictures.

So where do you put the oil?

I'm looking at it.

Where do you put the oil?

You would put it on your food.

Like you would just drizzle like eight servings of oil into the tablespoon.

So you just like.

Customer service, my name is Ass.

How can I help you?

Okay, were you redeeming or did you want help with the phone?

No.

Okay, if you want to go to bed, I can help you out with that.

I can get the calls to stop.

Do you have some milk in your microwave to drink to calm down?

Yeah.

Get me calling you.

Hey, I'm saying you can have yourself a little tug on the old pecker there, too.

It'll calm you down a little bit, you know?

Yeah.

We're doing ambient sounds to lull you to sleep.

I just got ambient yesterday.

I haven't taken one yet.

Let me take an ambient.

Then we'll end the show.

On the show in style.

Here's an incoming call for whoever.

Buono.

Slippy and Jippy's Corn Shop.

How would you like to try one of our double-sided dildos today?

Yes, I would.

When can you deliver it?

It usually delivers within three to seven days.

All right.

Can we use your credit card?

No, not my credit card.

I would need your credit card and your social security number for security purposes.

Okay.

Okay, well, you'll just have to dream one up for me, and that'll do.

No, ma'am, I need your social security number.

Oh, yeah, everybody needs my social security number for a dildo.

Yeah, you know, I'm going to report you to the FCC.

Don't do that.

We're clear, we're clear, we're clear, guys.

FCC is a new one.

The FDA is what they should report us to.

I've never heard that.

That's been going on for a while, the FCC.

I've heard that a lot lately.

Oh, I haven't.

Yeah, it must be a trauma.

But I just, I call the same fucking people, so it doesn't, like, you're going with different audiences.

Is the number that you pressed to be requested to be put on the frequent call list?

No, it's the number to have taken off of the list.

Oh, no.

Do not call here again.

Do you understand?

Oh, but it's the call circle machine.

It gets stuck.

Sweetheart, I recorded this thing.

Yeah, I know.

I've got 11 new messages on my phone tonight.

Yeah, I mean, Matty spilled his Coca-Cola on it,

and I think it shorted out, and it just keeps calling.

All right, that's just an example of what we did tonight, I guess.

I don't know if the YouTube is working or not.

Can YouTube chatters let me know if that's working?

Still, we're stressed.

Here's an incoming call for Matt.

Here's an incoming call for Dwight McClanahan,

normal host of tonight's show.

Thank you for calling customer service.

My name is Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.

How can I help you?

How may I assist you?

Hello, you called me.

Yes, are you calling to redeem your $100 Visa gift voucher,

or are you calling to be removed from the calling list?

You said you had something for me at Walmart.

Yes, so you want a $100 Visa gift voucher then,

that's presented by Arby's?

What is it?

The $100 Visa gift voucher, sir.

No, I don't think so.

You don't think so?

Why not, sir?

Clear, clear, clear.

All right.

uh carlito it's not live i'm live at all yeah i see no no i don't think so oh wait

wait there's another link that claims this live hang on let me go to this

it says 45 people or what yeah no it's 45 44 now uh here's an incoming call for baz i guess but

what hey hello okay i think we're still running customer service customer service this is baz

Naz, how can I help you?

Yes, how, ma'am, how are you?

What do you want?

Oh, what do you want, ma'am?

We're here to help you.

You reach customer service.

I don't need your help.

All I need is for you to take me off your list.

Oh, we're diligently working on that, ma'am.

You are on the list.

I apologize.

It's on the frequent list.

I don't know how the hell you got my phone number, but I want off that list.

Well, it seems to be a complicated story, ma'am.

Would you like to hear it?

No, I don't.

I didn't ever call you guys.

I've never been on a trip, and I sure as hell don't want to be on your list.

Oh, you've never been on a trip?

Take me off your list.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

You will be off the list.

It will be a nominal fee of $19.99.

Clear, clear, clear.

We've got two more coming in.

Stand by.

Okay.

Somebody else.

Customer service.

My name is Lou.

How can I help you?

Hello.

Customer service.

My name is Lou.

How can I help you?

I can hear you there.

Hello.

Oh, please.

Yeah, hey, who's this?

I'm the supervisor.

We have many people calling in.

All right, we're clear, we're clear.

Let me talk to him.

We're clear, we're clear.

We got some more coming in, possibly.

Stand by.

All right, let me pull up that Guam place over there.

This has been a fun night, right?

Yeah, yeah.

I had a lot of fun.

Yay, my first time being on a Madhouse show.

Yay.

Good for you, Dom.

And your last time.

Isn't it, Dom?

Don't think Dwight's ever had one.

Poor Dom.

Is that why you brought me, Dwight?

I'm happy to be on a Madhouse show.

It's been a long time.

Damn, you just talked to anybody.

Yeah, it's been a long time since I've been on Dwight's show, too.

Incoming call. Here we go.

Yay, what up? Hello, what up, man?

You guys need to remove this number and quit calling.

Oh, hey there. Oh, got a sexy lady.

How you doing, sir?

It's the middle of the night. You need to quit calling

and remove this phone number.

You wearing a sexy little teddy?

What are you sleeping in?

It's none of your freaking business.

I have a husband.

Oh, come on.

Like, your husband can watch.

I don't give a fuck.

No fucks given.

Maddie talking dirty to the ladies.

Well, they need it.

You know, their self-esteem needs to be boosted.

I got a husband, you son of a bitch.

Man, somebody posted one of these, like,

fucking, you know, like,

Yeah, who's this?

Hello?

Yeah, who is this?

Yeah, well, you're an asshole.

Motherfucker.

Burn.

Is this the fitness center?

I was just checking to make sure the outgoing call is working.

Here's an incoming call.

Hello, customer service.

How can I help you?

I'm at the gym right now.

Yeah.

Am I actually speaking to somebody?

I am a person, yes.

Okay.

My phone number is 505-

I don't need your phone number, old man.

I don't want it.

Hey.

I have it in front of me.

I want these phone calls quit.

You want these phone calls quit?

Now, this is the fifth time tonight you guys are calling me.

Okay.

I understand.

I want this number off of your list.

Quiet, so I can help you.

quiet so i can help you first of all i can get the calls to stop i have to sign you up for do not call

list pro i'm not gonna sign you up for nothing all right so then i won't put you on the list

i won't put you on my phone number you get it off quiet quiet quiet quiet then i won't put you on i

do not call this i have to put you on it all right whatever he said he said he won't sign you up for

he is on the call list now he didn't want to be on the call list here's another incoming call

Hi, Stranger Life.

They hung up. Here's a different one.

Thank you for calling in customer service here at the Church of Scientology.

How much would you like to tie to us today?

Call has ended by remote.

That's going to get me sued.

Church of Scientology is going to ruin my fucking life.

They'll fuck you up, man.

They're going to come to your house.

They're going to make you disappear next thing you're in it.

They come on my property.

I'm going to start expressing my Second Amendment rights and shooting shit in the air.

you'll disappear next thing you know you're going to be on that

yacht of theirs that they gather

and they brainwash you on the yacht

oh yeah I'm going to be with Lord Zinu

customer service with Lord Zinu

Lord Zinu department how can I help

you can call my house it's one o'clock here

well we are the church of Scientology

and we are enabled by Lord Zinu

and uh I'm sorry

I forget um

L. Ron Hubbard he has told us as well

that we can call we don't need your permission

and Tom Cruise

fuck Tom Cruise he hasn't been paying his bills

calls ended by remote here's a store yes i don't get it i can usually get the church of

scientology but to go pretty good they start getting pissed and telling me i'm

hey how you doing honey baby hello hi honey baby how are you doing hi hi how are you excuse me

hi honey baby how are you doing so you got a wrong number okay no no no this is sergeant mesa

I just edited those NORAD calls from this year.

Some of them are pretty funny.

Track of Captain Crunch's awesome pictures.

She's not picking up.

Here are two incoming calls.

Let's do it.

Hey, how do you say there, you old flapjack bastard?

What's the problem?

Oh, nothing.

What do you mean nothing?

I hear you guys are going to hand me a $100 voucher or something.

Huh?

No, you pay us $100.

You owe us $100 now.

From Walmart?

Yeah, you owe us $100.

Are you owing you $100?

Yeah, because this is a scam call.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, so, yeah, we bill you $100.

What?

Cha-ching.

For you picking up, stupid.

You're a flapjack bastard.

You're calling me stupid now?

Yeah, you's a stupid.

Really?

Uh-huh.

problem with that clear all right slap jack man okay we're calling back this lady honey baby over

here slap jack i'm sorry hey i'm sorry that i called and i said that i'm sorry that was very

disrespectful hello i want to apologize first that i called and i said that those things like

honey baby like that to you that was very rude i'm sorry my name is sergeant mesa my commanding

officers you know you're saying it's a honey baby how are you i mean that's that's not nice

well i was just trying to be nice i didn't mean anything by that i just i'm sexually attracted

to a lot of you asian girls you know ever since what do you want to talk to sir ever since i got

yeah i wanted to see if you got if you have uh lubricants there sexual lubricants

Okay, let me check with the store worker, okay?

Okay, honey, baby, beautiful girl, hello.

Will you just stop saying that, please, sir?

Oh, you sound so, when you're angry, it sounds so beautiful.

You sound beautiful when you're angry.

Oh, I'm going to hang it up.

I have an erection.

If you won't stop saying that.

I have an erection.

Okay, I'm going to hang up.

Erection.

That's not nice on the phone.

I'm sorry.

You need to kind of stop, okay?

Please.

I can report you to the police.

No, no, don't call the police.

No, please, no.

No.

Well, you have to be nice, okay?

If you need help, then I'm willing to help you.

But don't stop saying that I'm a honey baby because I'm not your honey.

Do you have a peck peck there?

I will call the store worker, but will you stop saying that I'm a honey baby, okay?

Because I'm not your honey.

Okay, honey baby.

Okay?

Okay, honey baby.

You say it one more time and I'm going to call the police.

No, no, no.

And I'm going to report your number.

No, no, no.

I'm Sergeant Mesa.

Please don't.

I'm going to hang it up.

No, no.

If you don't stop.

Okay.

I will call the manager and the manager will talk to you.

Honey, sweetie.

Honey, baby.

Okay.

Sugar bridges.

Are you a baklava?

She's Filipino, definitely.

Sugar bridges.

That accent was definitely Filipina.

Oh, shit.

You can tell.

You shouldn't say that Filipina.

You shouldn't be doing gender shit like that.

I know.

Gender shit, you know?

i'm sorry that's why i was suggesting tech tech but they don't all understand that it depends on

the dialect heck back i just watched too many like creepy like european sex perverts go and

see the little fucking kids over there and then say they're down for the peck back

the other day i was on hold with uh like some lady some medical shit and like we had to call

another person and they put me on hold and i was saying this music garbage it's not like

the good cisco music and i was telling the lady that i put the cisco music and i went in there

and i put my cheek that's the guy that i got into the argument earlier about the she she went

and looked at it and said like oh my god you actually said that to me so i thought it was

funny over the cisco hold music making friends should we uh we can keep going i still have some

energy i mean did i take that ambient i don't know no don't take it no already did some things

you get weird i could take another one i've taken that before you should it's hard doesn't it yeah

dude i was doing that i was doing shows on ambient and uh on painkillers like for a little while

while and they were all really bad you should send me some sometime uh yeah okay milkman's always

like you gotta send me more than i mean it's like oh no i'm just curious this triumph you know like

yeah that's that's that could be a rain we'll talk we'll talk yeah yeah yeah yeah here's a

welcome to verizon wireless the number there it went there it goes there went uh i guess we can

wrap it up i don't think any more calls are coming from uh producer producer is the is the bot is the

bot sleeping for the evening i think the bot shut down that's nice that it doesn't keep like i would

just leave that thing keep going but it's just like we haven't had enough people that have signed

up for the do not call pro i've had nobody sign up for the do not call pro i almost stuck it in

i don't know what dude i thought for a minute there i i get real upset when you mention that

like oh no dude i i was telling you last if you say you don't remember last night carolina

i was talking about a podcast i was listening to called reply all and a guy got a uh he got

a call from an indian scammer like tech support like saying that he's calling from apple and he

kept fucking with guy kept calling back and like he found out all the who is data on all the

different companies and like found out the boss and shit and like got like personal with the guy

and the guy quits his job and says like hey if you ever want to come to india i'll tell you like

all about how this shit's going so dude's going to india like next next week and he's flying there

to like talk to the dude it's very interesting just music that's really good music i figure

you like it i just like groovy you know what kind of groovy shut up trying to entertain yeah you

still got fucking over 100 goddamn people how many i didn't even look and see how many people

were on uh slurred 106 right now oh okay i'm sorry yeah hi honey baby i'm sorry about calling

earlier and calling i told you stop calling me honey baby okay this is a certain i'm gonna call

the police okay can you put me through to the store manager then okay hold on okay baby

I like how she correntially said, hold on.

I think you should start calling her, like, mature, mature woman.

Like, whenever I get mad at a young kid, I'm, like, finding a new, older, mature woman.

And when I get mad, I'm, like, finding some kid.

He's like, ugh. He's like, ugh.

Sounds like a patriotic Soviet guy.

Yeah.

it does oh my god it's amazing what country is this yeah and probably hello yes hi how are you

honey baby hello how can i help you yes i was just talking to that other honey baby and she

was getting upset at me okay yeah because you kept saying honey baby yeah i just how can i help

you my name is sergeant mesa and i get really attracted to asian women specifically filipino

women and that's why i start saying honey baby and things like that okay so how can i help you

um i was wondering if you have lubricants here uh you think you could get that out of the bx

no but here do you have eggs maybe i'm sorry do you have eggs and butter eggs yes we do okay i

can use eggs for lubrication for lubrication with the girl i can use eggs sir that's very

Very inappropriate. Thank you.

It's just an idea, honey baby.

That's all I'm thinking.

Just imagine when that egg dried up.

Sounds like a good idea.

Yeah, it does for like three minutes, maybe.

And then it's this gross, sticky...

Oh, it's like it's going to get whipped.

It's going to crack an egg on her head.

Get the egg white all whipping up, you know, like a custard.

Mickey, you'd be baking a custard pie.

Honey, honey baby.

Even she didn't like honey.

That was our manager.

She doesn't like Honey Baby.

Here's the grill.

We're calling a restaurant.

I'm good.

Hi, Honey Baby.

How are you?

Well, you got the number, sir.

No, is this the grill?

It is.

Oh, and what was your name?

Would you want to speak to Honey Baby?

The beautiful girl that works there.

Who?

The beautiful Asian girl that works there.

I love Asian girls that give me an erection.

My name is Sergeant Mesa.

How are you?

Very good, sir.

Oh, good.

You want me to do some push-ups for you?

I can help you if you want to place an order, sir.

Do you have eggs?

Yes, we do.

I'd like to order one eggs.

Um, how do you want that, sir?

I would like that cooked. Cooked eggs, please.

Hard, over hard, sunny side up, scrambled?

Uh, with heat.

Excuse me?

Heat, with heat, heat.

Transfer you to the right person.

I hope it's a man, because you're a stupid woman.

me so disrespectful do another call on the side you get animal shelter hey honey baby how are you

how are you getting animal shelter yeah yeah animal shelter how are you hello sir hi honey

baby how are you actually i don't appreciate how you're talking to me sir but i can give you the

the manager if you want to speak with him well hurry up stupid excuse me you have no right to

call anybody okay honey i'm sorry baby sweetie honey go ahead hello animal shelter yeah hi is

this animal shelter yes it is okay i'm looking for uh to have an animal put there it's a it's a

woman it's a female named honey baby i want her to be put in the cage baby i want her to be put in

the cage it's there it's there i'm sorry can you repeat that that i have there's a woman

named honey baby i have her on the phone and i want her to be put in the cage and locked up

right here because she's an animal she's disgusting okay i'm sorry but you'd have to

turn her into the hospital or something but not the animal shelter okay i just tried to

okay honey baby okay honey baby thank you okay bye thank you baby okay bye

alright that was Guam

that was actually right outside the base in Guam

there's three places that we just called

I had some fun in Guam

but it's getting late guys

it's three in the morning almost here

quarter till so I'm going to have to call it a night

it's been fun

it's been very fun

everyone be sure to go to

paypal.be

forward slash DwightPCN

to give to him

so he can buy bologna sandwiches

he wasn't able to do a show today

because he's in the hospital.

We're all praying for Dwight.

All right, Dwight?

Yeah.

We got a party time.

Are you going to be back next week, Dwight?

Is that the plan?

Yes.

Yes, I'll be back next week.

What the?

Who's doing what to a dog?

Hi, dog.

Everyone be sure to check out Matt's thing.

It's Hellog666 on YouTube

and whatever the sort of stuff you can call him.

Lab track Matt on Twitter.

Discord.gg4 slash pranks.

MadhouseLive.com

This is a lot of links

and maybe we'll forget most of those.

How is the...

People keep talking to me about this part.

Is it really that cool?

It's neat.

I don't know.

It's more active than any other chat.

Is it better than the next chat?

I guess it's more secure.

That's one nice thing about it.

I'm in both.

The IRC chat's not really as busy as it ever used to be.

It's not really busy anymore.

Let's go play Town of Salem after this.

Yeah.

Town of Salem.

Okay.

I'm going to get an ice cream and a sugar-free ice cream sandwich

and I might join you for some of that.

But don't try to

troll me the whole time, okay?

I don't know.

I don't like that game. I don't know what to do with it.

Basically, you just...

If you're in a bad role, like you're

a serial killer, you're in the mafia, you just gotta be

a good fucking liar. That's all.

That's all there is to it.

You just gotta lie your ass off through the game so they don't kill you.

Cool, man.

Well, Dwight will be on next week

as we said and all those stuff

domthebomb.com

you can check him out over there

greenbee you can check him out at your local Arby's

yay

nashby's been quiet

he's over there power pumping right now

alright disconnecting you gentlemen

it was very fun

oh yeah baz

baz.biz

baz.net

baz.biz

thebomb.com

cool it's good to see you baz

I think Baz.TV might work.

Yeah, Baz.TV.

Go to Baz.TV.

I'm happy, Baz.

You were able to join for a good long time.

It was fun.

I had a good time.

Thank you for inviting me.

He's a little liquor up.

I'm pretty good.

I've had some Canadian whiskey and other things.

All right.

I'm just going to have to you guys.

Good night, strange life.

that's a great scene i love that scene all right see you

great scene

that was anyway so thanks everyone for tuning in as i've said already a few times

it was fun hope you all had fun i had fun there was many many pranks in this it's gonna be really

hard to edit this one because it was long and there were so many calls and shit right

Alright, might audio just go to one side or something?

There's something wrong with my headphones here.

It's like I only hear myself on one side.

Whatever, okay, I gotta go.

Technical issues, you know me.

I'll be back in a couple, few weeks.

Okay.

Calls (63, 2 h 2 min of 3 h 37 min)

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