Vaffanculo

You are telling you put it in the till.

It come out all bottle.

It came out of the bottle?

It's all the coke has come out.

All the till has become dirty.

It did?

Why?

What happened?

Exploded?

I'm not playing no fucking games, dude.

I fucked you son of a bitch.

Stop making a stupid comment.

You're out of your crazy mind.

You ain't getting no goddamn dollars.

I'll fuck you all night long.

It's not perfect.

Why don't you piss off?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

You heard about what's going on in there?

Heard a lot of bullshit talk, I know that much.

Bullshit, my friend.

Do you know something?

Don't listen.

What do you know?

Maybe I do and maybe I don't.

What I say is they got no business negotiating.

We ought to be going back in there with a bullet for everybody in the yard.

Oh, is that right?

We do it now, we do it later.

Later ain't gonna be no use.

Am I right, Al?

Wait, wait, wait a minute, Frank.

We got a lot of angry guys in there.

Black Muslims, Panthers, Young Lords.

Besides you, the average antisocial.

We gotta go in, right?

Clean your clocks.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is...

I've been better.

It's been real busy today.

There's usually a lady that picks up Eddie's number.

Is she not there right now?

She's here. She's off already.

Really? She's off already?

Shit. Fuck. You know?

I've been trying to mack it to her, you know?

Uh, what's she, is she, uh, she's that Filipina older lady, right?

Yeah, you think she has, uh, nice sexual organs?

I don't know, sir. Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?

Oh, yeah, yeah, my bad. The whole tailhook thing.

I'm sorry, man. I didn't mean, uh, I'm sorry.

I thought I was, back when I was in the service in the 80s,

you could still say stuff like that, you know?

Young man, I'm here on, I'm here on vacation.

Yeah, I'm in the command center right now.

This is an awesome place. I really like this command center.

Okay, sir.

Yeah, it's pretty nice here.

You've got nice buttons and stuff, and the things go, you know.

All right, sir.

Yeah.

All right, how's everything else?

I mean, how are you over there?

How are things?

I'm good, sir.

Cool.

How's the sales going?

Everything's great today, I hope?

Sales are great, sir.

Good, good.

Hey, do you guys have special spam in the can?

Like, do you have more?

Special spam in the can?

Nope.

Don't believe it.

Just normal spam, sir.

Because I heard, like, out here, you guys got, like, these crazy spams, like, with egg in it and stuff, you know?

Tamagotchi and Nintendo spam, stuff like that.

There's different flavors of spam, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

So, you guys don't carry that shit?

Nope.

Damn.

Can I come in and look?

I mean, do I have to be down with the crown to come in?

Do I have to have, like, an ID or something?

No, you just need to have an ID card with commissary produce, sir, and you can come right in.

Well, I don't have that, but, you know, it's a free country.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

It's a free country.

Yeah.

And I'm hungry, you know, please.

I understand, sir.

My blood sugar's low.

I understand, sir.

Do you have any glucose tablets there, maybe?

Do not, sir.

How would a civilian go about coming in and enjoying your fine delicacies there?

Unfortunately, civilians can't come in, sir.

You need to have a military ID card holder and have to go to the center to come, sir.

What if I married, you know, someone?

If you married a service member, then yes, you would become an ID card holder, sir.

Nice, nice.

So then I'm going to keep working the Filipina girl angle, right?

What's her name and what's her address and phone number?

Do you have access to her dirty panties?

I'm going to hang up the phone now.

All right, look, you need to get busy.

You need to get over there stocking shelves and stuff anyway.

Oh, I need a man to add to that, sir.

Yeah, let's go.

All right.

All right, buddy.

Yeah, man, big hug to you.

All right, thank you for calling, sir.

All right, big hug to you, man.

Thanks, man, you know, for your service to our machine.

I'm the fucking grocery manager.

Whatever.

Nice guy.

Hey, Dwight. Big Dwight. How you doing?

Hey, hey.

Not as big Dwight.

You're a howler.

We need to hurry up and get to these calls and get out of here real quick.

Yep, that was it. Everybody, show's over. We'll see you later.

Thank you, everyone, for tuning in.

I want to thank my co-host tonight, Dwight, getting numbers.

Thank you.

And Dr. Punch, you also hooked up the numbers tonight.

You had a great time tonight.

Man, we went on for so long.

But I guess we'll be back next week.

Yeah, fuck noon.

There we go.

That's it. Stop it. Stop the joking around.

Yeah, we don't do that here. None of that.

It's super late at night, and I can't be loud because the wife is coming in here with the rolling pin.

You know what I'm saying? I've got to be really careful.

That'll be some good shit.

Yeah, but having fun.

We're calling the Island Republic of Guam and making sure that they're prepared,

as all of us should be prepared, for the nuclear missiles from North Korea that are going to hit us in Chicago.

and uh even though they can't survive re-entry right now even though they'll just burn up

on re-entry everyone seems to not be paying attention to the part sure you could put a

warhead on the missile but the motherfucker right now isn't going to survive re-entry so let's just

calm down you know i was out there i was out um getting some vietnamese food tonight for dinner

i got some pho you know pho and holy shit they these guys were in there with baseball bats

those small baseball bats you know those mini ones and all the ones the skinheads

used to beat people up with sure yeah yeah I'm not white so no but they were

like yeah you fucking Koreans and the guys like Korean world Vietnamese full

restaurant no kid this is completely made up let's stop playing out your

music Dwight can you put the music back where it was please yeah let me adjust

just the noms real quick why do you got this old fucking radio anyway oh there we go all right so

let's get back to the you you found a website with numbers that i can use in guam yes the guam

white pages it lists uh residential and businesses all together oh wow you have heard of these white

pages before cool man i i found it racist i'm gonna take it to congress as an issue

here what the black pages yeah i want equal opportunity pages that's what it should be

called now not the white pages bullshit you people uh i need to see what the

sorry here we go oh fish store huh it's a saturday over there right now it is here too

but it's saturday like afternoon or something uh can you ask alexa what time it is in guam please

Hello?

Sure.

Hey, what time is it?

Hello?

Yeah, what time is it?

What time you have?

What?

What time you have?

What time?

Yeah, what time is it?

What time?

Why you ask me what time is it?

My watch not working.

I don't know.

Cell phone not working.

I don't know.

I'm from, you know, United States.

What time is it?

Hello?

What did you call in there?

It's my first day here.

Okay?

And I need to know what time is it.

What time is it?

Please, is this Fish Store?

Fish Store?

Jesus Christ, bitch.

It's 356, 357 now.

Thank you.

PM?

In the PM, yes.

In the P.

All right, nice.

In the P.

I like that one.

I forgot the area code again, son of a bitch.

It's at the bottom of that page, actually.

Oh, cool, cool.

Well, then I'll look.

Thank you.

Hello.

Please leave a message.

The Office of Civil Defense

defense has issued the following message this is an attack warning repeat this is an attack warning

attack warning means that an actual attack against this country has been detected and that protective

action should be taken left a nice message there won't be scared at all god oh jesus christ

oh god maybe i shouldn't be doing that maybe this would be my time to get arrested and then

And you're next, Dwight, and you're next out of all the C-U-M-C curse, man.

Calls a mask-a-fusion curse.

I did like that little ditty that the G.I. did on that last Calls a Mask-a-Fusion.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ball caps, ball caps.

Maybe it's his story to tell, but he came up with that before anything went down.

Nothing went down.

What am I talking about?

Nothing went down.

Circuits are busy now.

Holy shit, they've been attacked.

Oh, it went down.

He documents it in the final episode.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's exactly what I was talking about.

That damn area code, man.

Hang on, what is it?

Oh, I see, I see.

What is this?

Well, that's no good.

I think I destroyed my credits

with that last call

that definitely is the show everybody

I don't know if this company will add credits

to me at this time of night

that's an issue

alright let's see what I can scrounge up here

I don't even know what site I go to

I think I know I'll be right back sir yeah me too I guess everyone listen to music while I

figure this out stand by I still got the balance I should should still have it let's see how much

it is to call Guam but I got balance worst case we don't call Guam we call the states or something

I don't know ladies loving my music I really wanted to call Guam I had a goal we had I bought

some pineapples guys I was gonna make some pina coladas and some rice and beans

some hummus

it's all stuff that they eat there in the pacific

yeah

um

looking on my site here

where it tells me my

costume may be built

I don't think it's built

well how you guys doing

it's good to see you

thank you for being here so late

this is one of the secret super late shows

I still have 62 listeners

not bad for 2 in the morning

and no calls going on

because I'm stupid

be sure to visit

madhouselive.com where the shoutcast

is broken

if anyone has any experience with

Raspberry Pi specifically

loading, installing and

configuring RetroPie

on it to work

properly or it relies on a

a USB drive instead of

an SD card, I'd appreciate it.

I got it working, and then

I started making a whole bunch of

crazy changes,

and

it switches itself back to

loading,

running ROMs off the SD

card, and everywhere I'm looking that I configure

the motherfucker, it's pointing to the right.

I don't know. I'm getting ready just to blast

the whole fucking thing and reformat

and start from scratch so I can

fucking learn uh i'm making no headway at all i'm just talking guys uh yeah yeah yeah okay let me

try to call the first number again that'll prove whether or not um uh it's a credit problem because

it says i have four dollars and something cents and that actually is quite a bit i've been running

off of nine dollars in that account for a good six months no exaggeration how you doing there

everybody i'm here dude show yeah i just uh i have credit i have uh i have credit enough to

do state site calls i just can't confirm what the guam numbers uh cost um unfortunately because i'm

not 100 there in the brain right now and i'm on the site and i don't know where i go to see

balance management no why don't you look over here at me buddy oh you know what they're made

each head don't be uh nasty and homosexual okay no i got the camera on how you doing oh i don't

Oh, my God.

You got the stuff for the COMC?

My hat's still missing the hat.

Are you going to let yourself be seen like that?

Just make that your thing then.

Just make that Dwight the janitor right there.

I've got to get my hat.

Oh, shit.

My mustache is falling off.

I think the hat will help out with the hair.

Everybody, you guys, I guess we'll see this eventually.

But Dwight has a costume.

You're calling it the Dwight costume?

Yeah, you want to buy it?

Cool.

Nice.

You look very handsome

Very good

I'm on their site's main page here

Adapt call writing

Issue resolution

Nope nope nope

Alright I'm going to do a blind Google search

Google

No don't type Google into Google

Calling rates for

Huh huh huh

Huh huh

Can't spell that word

it's like six six dollars a minute i can imagine i would it would have killed up my

entire balance probably pricing details aha here we go all right let's see contact sales great yeah

all right cool great too much in contact sales to get the rates i don't i didn't have a number

i doubt they're open at this time i don't know i want to stay on their nice side yeah on their

good side you know what i mean hang on let me get back to my theory about testing whether or not

Okay, whatever.

Calm down, everybody.

He did say it was on the bottom.

That's my bad.

Oops.

All right, good, good, good.

Sorry about that, guys.

Pretend the last 15 minutes didn't happen.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

I know what time it is now.

It's 4.06 p.m., right?

Thank you.

Hello?

Another time.

Another time?

I was going to introduce you on since you're our chief fish correspondent, Dwight.

It says now 4.07 p.m. there in Gwing.

Oh, thank you.

All right, now that I know what I'm doing...

We were about to get really intimate there for a second.

I went to go take my shirt off and forgot the camera was still on.

And I caught it up, caught it at the last second.

Yeah, look, that monitor is way on the left on my blind side, so you're okay.

I got to look over to see that.

I just, I don't know what the hell is happening over there.

So don't worry.

You would have got a nice view of my color.

Okay, see, I'm doing it again.

I'm convinced that this area code is one thing that...

Yeah, okay.

But that two-sided sticky tape worked for, like, one application.

Luckily, I got some spirit gum that I could put on the mustache to use over and over.

Got a crunchy ring, crunchy line.

All right, spirit gum, good.

It's going under the water, you hear?

Maybe the island's already been sunk.

God damn it, I better turn on the news.

Did you find numbers for Popeye People?

Popeye People?

People.

Oh, you can.

If you go to the bottom right of that first page,

It just starts listing people instead of businesses.

Ah, okay.

It's their mixed thing.

White.

They do it for you.

But it's not white.

Okay, I see.

I see.

Right?

Yeah?

Okay, I think it's loading.

Okay.

Oh, they got some crazy names here.

Abubo.

My name is Abubo.

Abubo.

The number you have dialed is not in service.

Fucker.

Then again, how recent are these damn numbers?

Who knows, right?

This site looks like it's from the 90s.

Yeah, page two, I think, has a lot more.

more the number you have dialed is not in service it's like abogado but i heard it on first name

ronaldo yeah page two page two bottom right has a lot more the number you have dialed is not in

service please check the number and don't play their shit i think we'll be an old person's damn

app no idea in this case when you have reached is not in service oh i'm doing cnmi uh that's

samaritan northern mariana islands all right they don't they're not gonna care hang on that's

six out of one would be yeah yeah yeah yeah no wonder we're having trouble it's stupid stupid

man i should not have done a show i'm wasting they go to go to guam white and then go to uh

the second page there's a lot of uh just random delicious delicious like a bed that a lot of

people name a bed you can ask for the bed are when a bed all right all right that one didn't work

We'll call a different one.

Christy, I'll line Carol up in.

All right, Punchy's confirming numbers.

Punchy, and he says he got one to pick up just now.

So we got a hot one.

Let me try this one first.

Okay.

Hello?

Hello.

Yes, hi, how are you?

Hello?

Yes, hi, how are you?

Good afternoon.

My name is Cross.

I'm calling from Civil Defense.

We're looking to see if you need any assistance in creating a fallout shelter for you and your family.

We have sandbags, we have spam, rice, portable toilets.

It's all being provided by the government.

Do you need any stuff?

Okay.

Yeah, you sound like...

Could you possibly use a new phone?

Could you use a new telephone?

Because you sound like shit.

Holy shit.

You got a shit phone.

What, did you get a snake up in the telephones?

What's going on?

Did you have any questions?

Did you...

Shut up.

Did you have any questions for me?

about public services during this time god damn that call she's got a brown trouser snake on the

prowl that's what it sounds like i thought we were back in 85 and she was roaming on a cell phone

damn now it'll probably sound better if she won't pick up customer service hey oh please leave a

message after the call the office of civil defense has issued the following message this is an attack

attack warning repeat this is an attack warning attack warning means that an actual attack against

this country has been detected just leave him hanging with that i don't know you should do that

all right i'm gonna stop doing that i promise i'll be right back guys i guess i guess smoke

a doobie with my dad really quick with your dad oh gosh yes oh if they only if they only played

those uh anti-drug commercials back in the 90s instead of this is your brain i was like sit down

Smoke a doobie with your dad.

Talk out your problems.

You want to talk.

You've never done a doobie, and you don't want to, and you're scared to.

You told me in private.

I have smoked a marijuana once, and I wasn't impressed.

It doesn't count.

So I never did it again.

Because that's how it is the first time.

Everyone says that.

We'll get you.

You'll get the curse.

I want a drug that's going to hit me fucking hard the first time to keep me hooked.

Not this piddly bullshit.

I'll get some heroin in here.

sure we'll get you on the devil's lettuce soon enough buddy don't worry just wait until it's

legalized and it's legalized then we'll talk about it uh-huh it is legalized medically where you live

okay so yeah but i don't have the conditions to get it you don't have stupid i mean i probably

could go stub my toe and just say that's chronic and can i get some chronic can i get some chronic

for my chronic yeah man i like that it's a good shit right there you just said stuff all right

let's uh call this a bad huh prostitute name it looks like prostitute this cristitudo cristitudo

yeah music from guam right now great selection of some artists that google said is from guam

go buy their album on itunes and youtube never need the money in a few fucking weeks a few weeks

money isn't gonna mean anything i just still can't believe uh north korea they're out there

we would smash america into pudding what were you doing like hungry as shit when you're writing

your threats it's like we would smash him into pudding all right that's that's enough

does that even translate thank you that fucking guy though he's he's so fucking off the rocker

he has been for so long they need to investigate mental illness with his entire family line his

It's a bloodline.

I'm sure it's hard to get these calls through.

See, I never called Guam.

It was always Gordo when we would do Guam.

He's got satellite action problems.

Man, they suck.

Ooh, it sucked a little there.

Let me get the punches.

Punches, he's got numbers that are all picking up.

Cool, cool, cool.

It's awesome.

Let me get those here.

What punch are you doing that we're not doing?

I don't know.

I don't know, man.

I just spread, you know,

I got a few key people that seem to know their stuff,

and I say, hey, man,

I know it's kind of weird

I just came at you at 1.30 in the morning

I need numbers in Guam

You're like what the fuck

Where the fuck did I get numbers in Guam from

White Pages? Yeah sure go ahead

I'm trying to fix a problem

Could we possibly call North Korea

And tell them to cut the fuck out

I've never been

I've been given numbers

That have worked

That were embassies in other countries

North Korean embassies in other countries

but i've never found or come across a number that's in north korea i'd be really scared to

call that you'd end up on the list you get unmasked by the fucking state department

are we live yes we are okay how you doing man i'm doing okay man that's just got out of work

not too long ago that matters that matters that matters you and your adulting yeah we're in guam

I'm going to Guam, buddy. I'm going to Guam. Me, you, and Dwight.

Hey, how are you?

Good day to you. My name is Cross.

Who?

My name is Cross. I'm calling from Civil Support.

What?

I'm calling from Civil Support just to see if you had any questions regarding preparing your fallout shelter that's required.

Hello?

Sorry?

Yes.

I can't hear you very well.

Do you have a basement where you can create a fallout shelter?

we're requiring everyone to build their own fallout shelter or be assigned a public safety

fallout shelter hello

All right.

I want everyone on Guam to know that if they do get hit in a relief effort,

we will take all blankets from homeless people in the United States

and give them to Guam.

We're behind them.

you're gonna make the situation worse with some epidemic bad enough they got snakes all over the

place that island had no snakes like to start off with and after uh the white man set foot on that

island they got covered in snakes eating all the birds all the trees cars like snakes eat the cars

really big fall out of trees they got flying snakes crazy stuff i thought that was just the

The drunks that fell out of the trees.

Flying snakes?

Yeah.

You think they look like snakes?

They're up there trying to hump the snakes.

They're falling out of the trees all drunk.

We got a crunchy ring here anyway, guys.

Let's go ahead and kill this one.

Get to the next one.

It's Corazon Nakulo sending Wyclef to help.

They're going to send him back.

Sean is coming out with Dave Chappelle.

I think Guam at least deserves a presidential visit out of this.

Did you go personally inspect?

Damn it, man.

One moment, please.

Hey, people.

I'm coming, I'm coming.

Not like that.

You know what I mean.

All right.

Pizza time.

Yeah.

Let's go, turtles.

Yeah.

Pizza.

Let's hear it for pizza.

Let's try that again just in case.

This is the Momongo Mom.

That's the name of the town.

Momongo Mom.

Motherfucker.

Cumbia.

Horses gallop eat.

I didn't know they had horses in Guam.

Wow.

They eat them.

That's what I was going to say.

I thought they ate them all.

The ones that are Spanish, they eat all the horses.

During World War II, man, things got tough.

Come on, man.

Japanese invaded.

Did you know?

Did you know David Robinson from the NBA is from Guam?

No.

The Admiral is not from Guam.

Do you remember?

He was a Marine.

He was a Marine, God damn it.

I think it was his Navy, dude.

He wasn't a Marine.

a marine in the navy ask ask uh alexa um here's some old friends let's see if uh i mean we know

what's his face he's gone from here but see how they're doing cat i'm the first horsey cat i have

one right now it's here in my office giant crate it's for calls of mass confusion we're leaking

everything on gm before we even do it i know no one's listening it's too all right everybody so

You weren't there for the meeting earlier, so we're going to run back to minutes.

Hey, Cal, this is Vance. How can I help you?

Hey, Horseycat, how you doing?

Good, man. How are you?

Good. Listen, sir, I'm calling from Civil Defense Machines,

and we're looking to see if you need any assistance from the government contractors

for creating your fallout shelter there, your public fallout shelter.

We're providing generators, water sources, canned food.

It's all free of charge.

It's all by a big government grant from USAID.

Sandbags? You need some sandbags?

I can put you down.

We're assigning you to Zone 22R as in Robert.

So if you're a designated fallout shelter,

people will be coming here in the unlikely event of an attack.

Okay.

Yeah.

You're probably talking to my manager.

He's not in right now.

But, uh, can I just get you, like, your name and a number that you can call to get you down?

Yeah, my name is Ernie Cross.

Ernie Cross.

Right.

Cool, and a number?

Uh, yeah, you just want to call 642-2017.

Okay, cool.

And hit Option 4, and then hit 4, and then Extension 44.

Extension 44.

Okay.

Got it.

All right, do you, are you, are you a pet-friendly establishment?

We would like to bring some horses down.

We understand this is a horse and cat.

out horsey cat horsey cat i have this down no we are not all right well well yeah i mean i'm sure

maybe do you have a stable there or something we just because you came up on the hit the we came

up on the red flag hit on the computer on the mainframe where we ran it uh that you can accept

horses equine no that's just a restaurant like a pub kind of place sir yeah all right about how

how many people can you fit there uh max capacity 250 250 so uh yeah it'll be 300 for

fallout shelter purposes though you're gonna have to make do uh yeah i'll have my manager

give you a call yeah we're gonna be uh sending down some portable toilets for you um plenty of

food supplies um the recommendation is that you go through your consumables there first that you

have and then start uh going into the uh provided food machines right there buddy all right well

stay strong if you got any questions give me a call back i'm eddie cross i can answer any questions

get your fucking manager on the phone though i got a lot of shit i gotta do all right okay all

right i'll see you bang bye cool that was uh the horse and cow that is not the was it the do i do

remember was it the horse and cow or wasn't it a different place that what's eddie worked at

was it eddie ernie ernie oh ernie ernie ernie because i think it's called the horse and cow

too that same night but it wasn't horse and cow it was it wasn't horse and cow i got the idea

about the horse masturbation from horse and cow and the next place i see he worked it he worked

at hooters and then he worked at hooters after one point fuck was that i don't remember it was

like a some type of beast we called him and they they gave him up they said here's his phone number

Okay, exactly.

And uh, hooters and shit, yeah.

Anyway.

Alright, alright, alright, alright.

Turn that off, Jesus Christ.

It's like I used to it, man.

You know?

Fuck that.

Uh, here is Kevin.

Nice.

Kevin, nice.

Nice guy, Kevin.

Crunchy.

He picked up.

Think if I hang up to try to get a better connection.

In a situation like this where they pick up and they're saying,

Hello, hello.

Or they're taking the phone off the hook.

Swarm.

Hello?

Hello, ma'am.

Hi.

Hi, yes, hi.

Hi, I'm calling from Civil Service Machines and we're calling to see if you need any free items to create your Fallout Shelter for yourself in your home.

Okay.

Do you speak English?

I'm calling back because you can't communicate. You can't. You just can't. These people.

Yes, hello, I'm calling from Civil Service Machines.

civil service machines we're in charge of giving out free items for your fallout shelter in your

home we have sandbags portable toilets that we can give you food water for to create a fallout

shelter in your home for yourself in case in case it's free from the government do you have a

fallout shelter sir do you need a fallout shelter hello no no thank you what are you going to do

What are you going to do?

Are you going to stick your head up your ass?

Huh?

Are you going to stick your head up your ass, or are you going to be prepared?

I'm just prepared, okay?

No, you're not.

You don't sound prepared.

You sound like you've got your head up your ass, motherfucker stupid you.

No, it's okay, sir.

No, you stupid.

You stupid.

Yeah, yeah, I'm okay.

Yeah, fuck you.

Go to hell.

Bye.

All right, bye.

Thank you.

Okay.

Have a good night.

Thank you.

And if you need anything, just give us a call.

All right.

Whatever.

They all know stupid.

Stupid. It seems like I've called Japanese

speakers stupid before and they've

always said that. They've always

gotten upset.

I get like that when you

call them stupid. They know what it means.

You stupid monkey.

They know that one.

This sounds like a Japanese

name. I'm going to say stupid.

Hello? Yeah, hello stupid.

I'm calling from Civil Service

Machines. We're

regarding your fallout

shelter here in case of

attack the unlikely event of an attack we're hoping that all the citizens have a fallout

shelter at their home if not they will be assigned a fallout shelter to report to

and once we get attacked i see um who's this calling please oh my name is ernie cross and

i'm with the civil service machine civil civil service machine okay and uh if you have questions

about how to create a fallout shelter in your home.

If you need sandbags, food, water, sandbags, medicine, cots, toilets, vaginal wipes,

we have all of those items free.

They're being provided by a government grant.

So we'll just drop those off, whatever you need.

There's a limit.

You can't just stockpile, but we'll set you up with enough for two weeks.

We're not providing water.

We're providing water containers.

containers, you have to fill them up yourself. And we also recommend that you have bleach on hand

to sanitize any water. Would you be planning to stay in your home should there be a nuclear attack,

or would you prefer to go to a public fallout shelter? Well, I don't know. I would be off

island, maybe. You're going to be off island? You're leaving the island? Yeah. Okay. Keep in

mind, if you vacate your home, it may be used to house refugees in the case of an attack.

The safest place for you to be is home.

Stay there.

If your house is empty, it will be used for any refugees by government order.

So we recommend you stay put.

Don't go anywhere.

Stay in your home.

That is the place to stay.

Hunker down.

Go to your fallout shelter.

Do you have a basement here?

Okay.

Do you have a basement here?

Are you going to be safe?

where are you cooking well in your house okay do you have a place to defecate urinate inside the

house hello hello uh i don't yeah okay you what you need to paint your windows with white wash

or use white drapes a white aluminum siding in the event of a flash do not look at the light

make yourself as flat as possible cover the back of your head after the nuclear shock has passed

immediately go to your fallout shelter and await word from authorities do you know what the fallout

signal is i don't know it's three farts it sounds like three farts okay yeah it's this is a sample

of what it sounds like that is the uh alarm and it will not stop now apparently i don't know if

this is a drill or not you know what it sounds like if you hear that that means fallout is in

the area you should seek shelter immediately okay all right thank you all right thank you ma'am

have a good night so anyway our friend nunu chief british correspondent nunu is reporting that

there's a chain of stores in the united kingdom called lundus and he suggests we have to try the

mentos trick with diet coke one of these locations now dwight you are our chief mentos and diet coke

correspondent on this show uh the people from me from the elk don't respond to me well though

i'm really i could try yeah they don't like me i think they don't like my voice well the americans

don't like me can you imagine these people i'll give it a try but i can't guarantee it's gonna

work i also can't get we've tried it before and without success at least i am well hey i also

can't guarantee that they're using the same diet coke formula it's some kind of acid in the what

what's the Mentos? Which one?

So I know. Do I have 2 liter?

Do they even have 2 liters?

He says they're 1.75 there.

1.75 liters?

Is that what I would call it? A 1.75?

God, that is hard.

And that's

a pain in the ass is what I'm trying to say.

Well, she said.

1.75, 1.75 liter.

2 liter. Much better.

Come on, guys. Get on it.

Yeah, yeah. We hear shit. What do we got?

We got 2 liters, 2.5s, and 3s.

Come on. Come on, World Kitchen.

All right, and then is it a specific Mentos?

Is it the mint one? Is that what it is?

The mint ones, yeah, not the fruity asshole ones.

No, okay, all right, all right.

So we will try that now.

Everyone stand by here.

Thank you.

Did anyone, is everyone just, they don't want to be with me?

I believe they're TV.

That's what I say.

I hate them. I hate them all.

Good morning, One Stop.

Good morning. I'm calling from One Stop Corporate Headquarters.

Hi, how are you?

I'm fine, thank you.

Good, thank you.

Did you get the memo, the email today regarding the Diet Coke problem?

No, I'm not sure, love.

I don't do emails.

The boss usually does that when he comes in.

Oh, goodness.

Okay.

Do you have any 1.75 liter bottles of Diet Coke on the shelf now for sale?

Yes, I think so, yes.

Okay, could you please kindly get one of those quickly?

Quickly, I'm going to have you read the barcode to me.

Can you give us five minutes and ring us back, please?

I've just got a customer.

Because it's an emergency.

The Office of Civil Defense has issued the following message.

All right.

Cool.

We'll call her back.

That's very convenient.

Call the next one.

She was very nice, though.

Damn, I was kind of curious at the fucking place where old Ernie worked.

I couldn't find it.

I'm fucking guam.

I guess we'd have to listen to the episode there.

but i i didn't hear it until the second year because that's when i talked to him at hooters

we called back i think the year after that and got his phone number uh from his original place

because we were uh he were moving to mainland you're gonna throw all this shit out yeah then

i found his number a fourth year it was a cell phone number he had moved to la something like

that california but every year he kept trying to blow it off like he didn't know us he didn't know

what we were talking about.

He did an answer, and I'm pretty sure

it's because, oh, he probably didn't answer

his phone all Thanksgiving. I think by then,

four years later, he finally realized,

these fuckers call me every Thanksgiving.

It is the same day every fucking year.

You know what? This is the third time

in a year he called me.

Oh, boy.

I hope he's alright. I hope he finds us one day.

You know, just figure it out.

Oh, those are those motherfuckers.

yeah i had a lot of fun my last year when i did those incoming calls man that was a lot of fun

you got it yeah i put that out didn't yeah i put that out you got that made man

i uh i sent you that one where that guy was bitching at julie the incoming call lady before

she even got on the line did you hear that one no well here let me play a little clip at you i

I won't play the whole thing, but this guy

was bitching at Julie on the first call

without even hearing her voice.

He started going to town. Let's see.

Shit, I don't have

the phone call. Okay, we'll play this. It's just

his side of it on this one, but basically

Julie has not talked yet.

He's picked up the phone.

Goddamn you.

Julie, goddamn you.

So at this point, you can tell

Julie has picked up a starter spiel.

Listen to him just rant before

okay god damn you no julie god damn you god damn you i want your goddamn call or your hundred

dollars you're scum you're shit you're fuck god damn you fuck you you scum bastard i hope so

you're assholes customer service you guys are a bunch of scum bread people unsubscribe me

take me off your list you fuckers keep calling it's after 12 o'clock what the hell is wrong with

you but i uh i got a setup i'm going to click him and make him into a soundboard

he goes through like this whole thing it's just hilarious watch i'll just skip

he calls me a scumbag that's what he just said there get off my phone line hey you guys are

calling me after 12 o'clock jonathan's acting like an asshole like he's not an idiot calling

You're calling me after 12 and waking me up.

What is wrong with you?

He could be very easily cut up into a nice song.

What do you mean keep the language professional?

How about keeping the calls professional?

You're calling me after midnight and waking me up.

How about you being professional and get a job?

Yeah, but he rants.

It's like he told Greenby to quit his job,

but then he told him to get a job all in the same sentence.

Okay, cool. Get promoted.

that work oh you want you to move up wherever you are are you here yeah good call was funny

god damn you call the next one motherfucker nunu says they used to be two leaders but then

they shrunk them get that bloomsburg tax man hello yes hi estella oh good thank you uh i'm

from the civil service machine and we're with the government contracting with them to provide

provide you with information and any supplies you need free for a to create a fallout shelter and

the unlikely event that we're attacked by north korea yeah i heard i just came from palau because

i was on vacation oh you're on palau welcome back i'm sorry it's uh they're closing the airport

tomorrow oh yeah so there's no flight tomorrow all airports closing tomorrow they're closing

Closing off the whole island, yep.

Oh, okay.

No civilian flights in or out.

You have to be military only.

And, yeah, so just to let you know, we're here.

So do you have a latrine?

Do you need a latrine that you can use in case we're attacked?

A latrine?

Okay.

Do you have a plan for what you will do?

Would you like to go to a public shelter, or will you stay in your home?

By myself, yeah, because my family are in for funerals, so maybe I'll just stay home and if anything, I'm just by myself, so I don't know.

Oh, no.

Oh, that's so sad.

I'm sorry.

You're going to die alone.

You'll probably die alone.

That's okay.

Do you have a basement at least where you can take shelter from radioactive fallout?

No, I don't think so.

No basement?

I'm thinking apartment stuff.

Oh, no.

So what you want to do is you want to find the room closest to the center of, you know, furthest away from windows and outside doors.

Preferably, you know, you want to take doors off.

You want to use tables, doors off their hinges, chesters, dress, chesters, chesters and dresses, chests and dressers to create a small space to cover yourself.

yourself from the radioactive fallout particles that will be falling oh yeah radiation sickness

radiation sickness is not contagious keep that in mind also okay so all right all right also

keep in mind if you leave your home for any reason your home may be taken over and to provide shelter

for refugees so the best place for you to stay is in your home okay then i'll just stay home then

there's a mandatory curfew starting at 5 p.m tomorrow tonight 5 p.m tonight tonight yes okay

so as you see right now that's coming up pretty close as a matter of fact okay so you cannot be

outside after 5 p.m without your papers unless you have white skin okay it's only for white people

outside only the white people okay american only white people no chamorro are you chamorro or

or you're from Palau, you said?

Palau.

Okay, we're going to be, we're going to,

you're not going to be able to stay in your apartment

in case of an attack.

We're going to have to transfer you over

to a concentration shelter.

All right, do you have transportation

to get to the special shelter by, uh, today?

Where is that?

Huh? Um, I've got it here.

Let's see, it is at,

it's probably at a local school or a church machine.

Do you have a church near you?

Oh, I'm close to Lequan Elementary School.

That's exactly, yes, all elementary schools in the public system.

So you'll be going there?

Go ahead and pack your stuff.

Yeah, maybe I'll go there.

No, well, we're going to pick you up tonight

because you have to go there with all the other non-Anglo people.

Okay, so I'll just be home waiting then.

Yeah, Native Islanders have to go to this concentration shelter as human shields.

Okay, I will advise some of our, because there are some Palawan, Chukis, Filipinos staying in this apartment, Harmon Loop.

So maybe I will inform the Palawan.

Okay, and then when you, the toilets, the toilets are going to be turned off at the elementary school.

Oh, okay.

No, the toilets are going to be turned off.

Don't use the toilet because it's not going to flush.

You can't use the toilet.

Oh, okay.

So you have to bring a box with sand to make toilet.

Oh, okay.

All right?

Oh, God.

Okay, thank you.

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

I was receiving a message.

I'm sorry.

So, yeah, bring a box with sand to take a shit in, all right?

Okay.

And may I interject, the only way to actually catch a flight off of the island is if you married a military man this evening.

Would you be interested in that program?

You would like to marry a military man in order to get a flight off?

Okay, and what type of man are you interested in?

Yes, and would you like to marry a man in the military in order to catch a flight off of the island?

But how?

Well, there will be a priest at the school, at the elementary school.

And we have a program.

We have single military men who are looking to get married.

Would you be interested in marrying one of them?

First of all, how old are you?

I'm going to be 60 in September.

60, okay.

So are you looking for what would be called a young buck, somebody in their 20s, 30s?

What age?

I'm not sure.

Okay, so I can mark down.

Age does not matter.

Hello.

Are you masturbating right now?

Yeah.

Okay, and so age, I can mark down age, does not matter?

I'm not sure.

Okay, and would you be sexually active with your new married husband and provide a child for him?

I cannot deliver anymore.

Okay, but you could be inseminated.

Okay.

Okay, great, fantastic.

And would you prefer what race of man to marry?

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter?

Okay, we have mostly white men, so is that okay with you?

Okay.

Okay, we'll sign you up to marry a white man tonight at 8 o'clock with the priest.

You will meet 30 minutes prior to introduce yourselves, and then at 8 o'clock you will say your I do's,

and then you'll be legally married, you'll be a military wife, and you will be escorted off the island.

Okay.

Okay, so make sure to bring your sexiest negligee to wear for your honeymoon with your new military husband.

Do you understand?

Yes.

Okay, and you have that on you, correct?

You know, I have a friend and a kid in Palau.

Okay, well, you will need to divorce the husband.

The husband will have to stay on the island, but you can bring your kids.

They're not here. They're in Palau.

Okay, well, we'll send a helicopter to pick up your kids.

The husband will have to stay, okay?

Uh-uh.

Okay.

Unless you want to come to the mainland United States, you can move to Utah,

And there you can subscribe to the LDS, which you can have multiple wives.

And we can look for a soldier that is a part of that, and that'll be fine.

Okay.

Okay, we'll sign you up for that.

You'll be a polygamist, and so you will do that.

So you're fine with that.

Okay.

Great, we'll get you signed up for that.

I'm going to send you back over to the Huantan Department,

and he's going to get you taken care of.

Hi, this is Eddie Wanton.

Hello, I'm just going to finish taking care of this.

So I got you going to the shelter at the elementary school.

You're willing to get married, and so we're not going to keep you at the shelter.

You're just going to get married there at the shelter,

and you'll be on the next available cargo flight out of here.

Okay, thank you.

That'll be flying to Hawaii first,

and then from from there they'll let you know where you're going to be dispatched at depends

on who you marry you know the guy you marry might be from kansas florida you know all right okay all

right so go ahead and it's a good thing that you can't deliver anymore so he can you know fuck you

all he wants and you won't get pregnant you know all right what are you doing with the zippers

down there were you unzipping your pants were you unzipping your pants right now or what's

What's all that noise?

I'm just walking to the room and come back.

I'm getting my keys.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

Because I heard the zipper.

The zipper.

Hey, don't go outside, I said.

All right.

I said don't go outside.

You hear me?

Okay.

Asshole.

All right.

Yes.

All right.

Bye.

Okay.

We'll be there soon.

Get ready.

Go take a look.

Wash that ass.

Jesus.

Oh, okay.

Oh.

I told her they're closing the airport.

I was like, oh.

When you said something about Florida,

did she let out a yelp?

I don't know.

She must like Florida.

She might want to live there.

Her husband, dude,

she's like, fuck you.

You're going to stay in Palau.

Stop taking the kids, motherfucker.

See ya.

I bet you they got some good food

and a funeral in Palau, right?

Probably some fucking grilled up snake.

They just fall right out of the tree.

Right out of the tree and under the grill.

You pick them.

That's what they do.

They put the grill under the tree and just start shaking the tree.

Get that bitch preheated and just start shaking it.

They just start sizzling.

We got to sear the juices in.

We got to sear that poison in there.

You got to clean a snake, man.

It's full of stink.

Do snakes shit?

you have snakes oh yeah oh yeah they do yeah they really imagine snake shit's probably pretty nasty

smell i watched anaconda one time and then and that snake shit a whole person out this shit a

whole person now you're just saying like the amount of shit that came out of it no i was

watching the referencing the movie anaconda when ice cube was a when he was still a badass rapper

doing a movie and now he's a now he's a pussy doing movies i remember anaconda now he does

kids movies and shit right am i right yeah there's barbershop are we there yet you know shit like

that there's a convent here all right cool let's uh set them up on the plan except i don't know

we gotta call the diet cook and mintos uh yes yes good yes yes yes she seemed really nice this lady

it's gonna be she was nice what'd you say she's about to be 69

60.

Oh, 60, okay.

If she would have said she's about to be 69, that would have been a little foreboding.

So Ice Cube got shit out of Anaconda and Anaconda didn't...

No, Ice Cube didn't die.

That was surprising.

Black Man didn't die in that movie.

Actually, all ethnics survived that movie.

All the white people died.

J-Lo?

J-Lo lived.

J-Lo and Ice Cube are the only ones who lived.

Did they fuck?

Oh, no, I took it back.

That doctor survived.

by the one that got that fucking bee in his throat

when he tried to go under and untangle the prop.

Hi, hey, yes, I'm calling back from the corporate office.

I had called earlier regarding the Diet Coke problem.

Yeah.

You have 1.75 liter bottles of Diet Coke, I understand, on the shelf?

No, I haven't got any, love.

Oh, well, you don't have any 1.75 liters?

No, I've checked the email. There's no email.

So you're going to have to ring back and speak to me boss when he's in.

Me boss?

The boss.

What do you mean me?

Our owner.

Me boss? Owner?

It was going nowhere, so I figured I'd wreck it.

Kamikaze Raider.

If she's checking the email, she should have had the authorization to handle shit

instead of waiting for the boss in the morning.

How did she check the email?

How did she?

She said she had no access to it.

That's the cunt.

Devil's a lie.

Dwight, the devil is a lie.

The devil's a motherfucking lie.

Here's a different one of those.

I love that.

Fucking Professor X.

Professor X.

Hello, yes, I'm calling from the corporate office here.

How are you today?

Good, thank you.

Good, good.

Did you get the email memo in the system regarding the Diet Coke problem with the 1.75 liter bottles?

No, let me just put you on to the lady that does most of the deliveries.

I want to meet with her.

Okay.

Hello?

Hello, I'm calling from the corporate office.

Did you receive the email regarding the problem with the 1.75 liter bottles of Diet Coke?

I wouldn't know.

I'm afraid the guy that deals with the emails and that isn't actually in at the moment.

Oh, goodness.

Okay.

Do you have any 1.75 liters of Diet Coke right now?

Yes.

Could you take one down off the shelf?

I need you to read a number on it so I can find out if it might be potentially hazardous.

It needs to be pulled.

Yeah.

It sounds like you have a cordless phone.

Thank goodness.

No problem.

Okay, what bit am I looking at on it?

The part that you scan, the barcode, as we call it.

Can you give me the last four digits of that, please?

8938.

Oh, jeez.

Okay.

All right, that's not good.

Can you go ahead?

Do you have Mentos there, the mint-flavored Mentos?

Yeah.

All right, can you open that bottle and put two of the Mentos?

inside of it um if it changes color to blue we're gonna have to pull that okay one moment thank you

uh no we don't actually have any mentos in at the moment oh are you out yeah all right can you

shake it up um the bottle a little bit kind of hard vigorously shake it up yeah do you see is

it creating any foam inside the bottle yeah a bit okay all right tap the bottle twice on the side

Slide hard, and then open it.

It'll keep it from exploding, but it'll cause the colors to change.

If it's bad.

No, it's not changing.

Okay, shit.

Did you get Diet Coke anywhere?

Yeah.

You're pretty stupid.

Huh?

You're pretty stupid.

You're pretty dense, you.

Really?

Yeah, you're kind of thick, aren't you?

No.

Well, you did what I said you would.

No, I didn't, because we have Mentos, and I didn't do it.

Oh, but you shook it up still, you stupid light, you asshole.

She got me there.

Or maybe not, I don't know.

I heard the hissiness.

It went hiss.

Hello, I'm calling from Service Station Corporate Headquarters.

How are you doing today, ma'am?

I'm fine.

Good, thank you.

Did you receive the email notification regarding the potential recall on Diet Coke 1.75 liter bottles?

I haven't got a clue.

I haven't got access to the back office.

Okay, so there's a potential hazard with those that are being pulled.

Do you have one?

Which one is it?

Do you have 1.75 Diet Coke bottles?

I have no idea.

Hang on.

All right.

1.75 Diet Coke.

Okay.

All right, hang on.

We do have them, but they're not on display.

Okay.

To be sold.

Okay, just to check, I want to make sure they don't get put onto display.

Can you read the last four digits on the barcode, please?

On the bottle?

No, I haven't got any.

They're all out in the shed, and I can't get out there.

Oh, they're in the shed.

I thought they were in the bag.

Yeah, they're in the shed.

Okay, all right.

Okay, then why don't you shove your head up a bear's asshole?

Sorry?

Why don't you just go shove your head up a bear's asshole?

Okay.

Okay, bye.

Dwight, are you there, sir?

It's awfully quiet.

Yeah.

I appreciate that.

Not that much.

Greenb?

Oh, you're here.

Hi.

Hey, good.

Now you have to, you know, hold it down.

Dwight's over there eating bologna, so.

I think Dwight could pull it off.

Greenb, do you do prank calls, or do you just like to listen?

I like to listen most of the time, but I do them once in a while.

Once in a while.

All right, well, if this is a while, let me know.

Yes, hello.

I'm calling from the corporate office.

Office, do you have any 1.75 liter bottles of Diet Coke?

1.75 liter, which one?

Diet Coke.

Diet Coke, yes, we have.

Oh, good.

Okay, can you read the last four digits of the barcode to me, please?

Potential recall.

No, 6045.

Boy, 6045.

I was afraid you were going to say that, sir.

There's a potential recall on this Diet Coke bottle.

Do you happen to have any mint-flavored Mentos there?

Which one?

Mint-flavored?

No, mint flavored, no.

Mentos you don't have?

The drink you were speaking about.

No, no, no drink.

The candy.

Mentos, candy.

Yeah, we got some...

Mint, mint.

Mentos, taber, this one, frozen.

Okay, okay.

Is it mint flavor?

Mint, frozen?

Blue?

Frozen, yes.

Frozen peppermint.

Yes, that's the one, yes, sir.

Sure. Can you open a bottle of Diet Coke and put two Mentos in it?

If it changes color, we have to not sell it.

Color?

Okay. Open a 1.75 liter Diet Coke.

Yes.

Put in two or three Mentos inside, and if it becomes blue, we have to not sell it because it's poison.

poison can you um please do that now and i'll let you know where you are calling from where

i'm sorry corporate office the corporate office chicago i can't leave well until because i am

alone here look bring it to the till with you just bring the diet coke and the mentos to the

till and do it there please or it's very important or we have to just stop selling all the soda

i don't want all the what i need to put inside the mentos or frozen uh the mentos put in

Mentos inside the Diet Coke

Mentos, peppermint

Yes, that's right, inside the Diet Coke

Put them in

It came out of the bottle?

It's

All the coke

Came out

All the till

Became dirty

It did? Why?

What happened? Exploded?

Bafangulo

Hey, Bafangulo.

He's Italian.

Until it becomes dirty.

He said, Bafangulo, go up your ass.

Go take it in the ass, he said in Italian.

I was trying to remember my Italian curses, but all right.

Jesus Christ.

I was sitting there.

I'm like, here we go.

You think that was...

It sounded almost scripted, man.

That's scary.

That's...

He was too compliant.

I've never...

What do you want?

Hey, no rompe la palle, poca bestia.

Bafanculo.

You motherfucker.

Stupid.

You are the motherfucker.

Bafanculo.

Yeah, you put this...

If you have any other work,

go and...

dance

from the

road.

Not call me

to waste my time.

Fuck you, asshole. Too bad.

Struggling to come up

with a book.

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

That is my best one ever.

With those things. Wow.

that's too that's too funny i love when they get like midway through the process and they start

thinking wait a minute maybe i shouldn't be doing this and then they do it anyway or uh did i hit

that one where the one employee told the man the assistant manager that it was a prank don't do it

and the assistant manager told the employee no no it's corporate office it's okay um i'll post

in here in case you guys ever want to call that guy because he was pretty funny uh then that guy

I did it in the sink, and I got him to do it twice,

the fucking assistant manager.

Twice in a row.

Twice in a row, because we had to confirm.

Make sure we didn't get a false positive.

Get over it.

Fucking Mario.

Go fuck yourself in the ass.

Mario,

it's still over there.

Luigi, I kicked your ass.

Welcome to voicemail.

The person you have called...

That was good stuff.

It was an ET operator, 1971.

dude i'm gonna have to cut that one up no doubt get it out there all right i got a youtube that

motherfucker that's a youtube you want to try one come on man do it try one try one of these uh

you know uh coke diet coke bentos let's do it what type of story i got it i got it it's called

london's just say you so far all i've said is i'm for the corporate office and they've been

just fine with it oh okay i'll do it i'll give you a look here here here here here this is what

you want oh that's how i like it you know it yeah there you go that's it right there that's

the one i'm calling oh yeah put it put it right in that crevice

yes how you doing i'm calling from the corporate office and we have a little issue with

with Diet Coke products we're selling.

Are you busy at the moment, or can you help me real quick?

I'm very busy, man.

Just call me Monday now, and make sure it's after 10 o'clock, okay?

No, no, I can't wait, because if our Diet Coke, the 1.75 liters, are contaminated,

we're going to have to pull them off the shelf.

So I need to do a little check on those real quick,

or I'm going to have to pull them from the shelves.

Where are you from?

The corporate office.

All right.

So what do you want?

You want the cord?

Well, no. I want you to check, do you have Diet Coke 1.75 liters currently on the shelf?

I'm sorry, I didn't understand what you said.

Yes, there's something wrong with the Diet Coke.

There's possible E. coli contamination, and so we have to do a quick check

and make sure that the affected Diet Cokes, the 1.75 liters, are not on your shelves.

So I just need you to grab a Diet Coke 1.75 liter and read me the last four digits on the barcode.

Okay, Ian, can you tell me what the last four digits are on the barcode?

All right, yeah, that's not good. That's the affected lot.

We need to do a test. How many do you currently have on the shelf?

Okay, what I need to do is I need to do a quick test on one of your bottles to make sure that this is, in fact, contaminated.

Yeah, what we need you to do, you've already, don't talk over the corporate office, you have the Diet Coke there, I need you to go grab a roll of Mentos.

Right, but people can get sick from this, people can get very sick and we can be sued.

I know, but the main thing is, I can't, you know what I mean, because there's no one here except me, my mate.

Right. If you would, just ask the customers to please wait. Please wait. And we'll conduct this. It'll take two minutes. I need you to go get a roll of the Mentos mints off of the shelf. And I need you to put those inside the Diet Coke and tell me if it changes color. If it changes color.

I can't do it, man, because I'm serving a big queue here, pal. Can you phone me about that?

I understand, sir, but this is very important. And if we don't do this, we're going to have to shut the whole store down. You'll have to go down. You'll have to go home for the day.

Asshole.

Yeah, but why do you listen? There's no one here, Paul, except me. I'm busy. I've got a big thing to do.

I understand, but this amount of time you've spent arguing with me, we could have already been done.

So please, go grab mint Mentos off of the shelf and put them inside the Diet Coke and tell me if it changes to blue.

Right. Just give me a sec.

All right.

What do you want? The softer, the triple, the soft mint?

Yeah, the Mentos Mints.

Mints or Mints?

Mentos, yes.

Ah, yeah. Mentos.

You mean the frozen Mentos, the frozen mints.

Ah, they're Chivion's here. Mint?

You don't have the Mentos mints?

Oh, we just got Mentos fruits.

Okay, do you have not the fruit, but the regular mint? Not fruit. Regular.

No, no.

Blue. Blue. They're blue. Yeah, they're blue one. Blue one.

Two. Two bowl soft mints.

Yes, they're blue. They're in a blue sleeve. Not the tropical blue.

No, my man. We just got three bowl soft mints here.

Yeah, go and grab those then.

Yeah?

Yeah, and then put those in the Coke.

Just open the Coca-Cola and just put it inside.

Open a Coca-Cola and put four of the mints inside and tell me if the Coke turns blue.

Okay.

appreciate your cooperation.

That's all?

How many did I pour? Four?

Four. Yes, four, please.

Four.

I want four, yeah?

Four, four.

Yes, four.

Yeah, yeah, well, that's the problem.

Did it turn blue?

I got a problem.

When I pour in the Diet Coke, just whoops, everything is going up.

What's going up? What do you mean?

I've got four in the back afterwards, but everything is a mess on my floor.

Oh, bloody hell.

Um, I suggest you I suggest you get a mop and clean it up. The coke checked out is good. You're fine

The coke is fine. Yeah, the coke is fine. It checked out. I checked out then. Yeah, the coke checked out. It's fine

So you can continue selling. No problems

Oh dear funny. Were they doing it? I had to wear him down

So work with coke and it also worked with coke there, I guess

Well, I can diet coke. It was a different mint

Different brand of mint.

Bloody hell.

You can hear that geyser fucking going, though.

You can hear it fucking dropping everywhere.

I had to mute myself quickly because I didn't want to ruin the audio,

and I didn't want him to hear it.

Yeah, I'll have to get that clipped from you.

I just love that bloody hell.

That was fucking great.

Bloody hell, I got to mess here.

He was so patient.

Oh, he's busy.

He does that for nothing.

Yeah, I've never...

I mean, that's one of the hardest ones I probably had to work for.

Like, this dude just wanted to argue.

I'm like, come on, sir.

The amount of time that we've been arguing, we could have been done.

We could have had three geysers by now.

They're compliant.

They can't fucking argue.

Welcome to voicemail.

The person you have called is unavailable.

I got something funny for you, Carlito.

I was checking my YouTube just the other day, and I was, I wasn't even checking ad revenue.

i was just into the analytics part and it says we've noticed you've lost quite a bit of ad revenue

uh over the last months and uh and it's like it's possibly due to the content of your videos

and having few advertisers or none and i'm like it's like marking a bunch of my videos i was like

no shit i was like i used to pull like a hundred dollars in ad revenue about a month as i could

cut it in fucking half i was like you're not telling me anything i don't already know smart

mark guy yeah well they literally marked i can mark or like want to review but i think i would

test google off and youtube is like i started requesting reviews on videos that i blatantly

know are not advertiser friendly yeah yeah i don't want to do that they might fucking kill my

channel just try to get some of that art you know what i mean out there i think they probably don't

want me to swear they don't basically they don't want me to be dwight they didn't flag all of them

they flagged a handful of them they were the probably the most recent ones that's cool but

they keep that's pretty good little bit of scratch there you were getting man congratulations it was

it was uh close to 100 sometimes i'd fall just short and it's 100 is the minimum before you can

be paid be paid out right and so like some months it'd be like 97 and i'd have to wait

another month before i can get paid out which it's not that big of a deal expo says a trace

of the trevor mints then expo's report work also apparently as for someone in mixler cool

Cool. Trevor Softman's Peppermint Rolls.

So that's why we got saved.

Dude, yeah, that was foamy.

Definitely foamy.

Here's another one. I think this will be it because I'm tired.

Sorry. It's been fun.

Welcome to voicemail. The person you have called...

No answer there. I definitely am going now.

I've got to get to sleep.

Dwight, thanks for joining me. Greenbee, thanks for joining.

Axpo, thanks for joining.

Thanks for having me.

It was fun. See you guys later.

We had fun. We've done enough.

Those last two were very, very funny.

and kind of okay when the wall that it was worth those last two costs all right whatever

blah blah blah see when i see you be good to each other

Calls (17, 55 min of 1 h 35 min)

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