Verizon Burgers

Lose his number.

Because I do not appreciate being cursed at.

I do not appreciate yelling.

I've been nothing but respectful with him.

Okay, yeah, I mean, fine.

I'll come shit in your yard.

Oh my God, that is horrible.

Why would you call to say that?

Because I want the venison burger.

We ran out of them.

Okay, well, I'm sorry, I can't.

I'm not playing no fucking games, man.

I fuck you, son of a bitch.

Stop making a stupid comment.

You're out of your crazy mind.

You ain't getting no goddamn dollars.

I'll fuck you all night long.

It's not perfect.

Why don't you piss off?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

This is who?

Zach.

Zach?

Yeah.

Zachary.

Hey, how you doing, honey baby?

Doing good, yourself?

Uh, not too good.

Not too good.

Um, what's, uh, where's your Verizon Burger status?

What about it?

Your Verizon Burger status?

What's the status on that?

Where are you at now with those?

Verizon Burger now.

Okay, I mean, how many do you have left out of the hundred?

Uh, I have no idea.

All right, do you have...

Yeah, I don't know.

Well, yeah, but I'm trying to figure out.

I know you've got a two-sandwich-per-customer limit, right?

Yeah, it's a two-customer.

All right, so I'm going to keep coming around and around the drive-thru two at a time, then.

I mean, I can save you guys time.

If you just want to work with me and let me get what I want straight up,

I won't tell anybody, or I can just keep coming around and around the drive-thru.

All right, so I need to come down, like, ten times.

I need 20 of them.

Well, can we just work with me here?

You know what I mean?

Just give me the 20, man.

You know.

20 sandwiches?

All right, cool.

20 sandwiches.

All right.

All right, then.

All right, man.

Because, man, I had one this morning.

Holy shit.

They're bomb, aren't they?

It's like steak, but oh, my God.

Like Danker steak, though.

It's like Dank steak, definitely, and without so much fat and gristle.

No gristle, no fat.

It's a wonderful thing.

I love it.

Come on in, man.

All right, brother.

I'll see if, hey, I mean, how are you going to know it's me?

I'm Cross, all right?

Yeah, Cross, Cross.

Do you do the, all right, dry through, or do you want me to come in?

Is that the better, okay, all right, cool.

That's the better, that's the better thing.

Do you have the light lemonade, light minimum?

Yes, I do.

All right, cool, the five-calorie one, not the regular one, right?

Just light.

All right, cool, cool.

All right, all right, thanks, R.B., thanks.

Yes, thank you, man.

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, motherfucker.

Carlito, I am the host of Madhouse Radio.

Thanks for tuning in.

I appreciate your machine.

I'm here at the time as Axpa.

Hello.

Thank you, Axpa, my real friend.

Thank you out of all these, quote, quote, air, quote, friends.

Give me a moment, Axel, please.

I need to get through the fucking plugs.

All right, so everyone be sure you're headed over to madhouselive.com.

If you're not at this moment, you're listening to us wherever.

And subscribe to the podcast if you haven't already so that you can get this show.

This show, I commit to 72 hours to get it up, edited in an edited fashion

for faster and easier listening and for people who don't listen live or can't we also have our

shoutcast link there uh tune in as of about 24 hours ago it has us back on in the registry and

they told me in their auto email that it can take up to 72 hours for it to come up on its whole

breadth of search so i tried this morning and i tried uh i tried my echo uh gave it the command

And look for it on TuneIn Radio.

But it didn't come up yet.

So I'm going to give it a week.

And if it's still not coming up.

Because I love my Echo.

My Amazon Echo.

I had to change the command to it from Alexa to Echo.

Because the autistic kid wouldn't shut the fuck up yelling at it.

Whenever he came over.

The autistic nephew of mine.

Hey, Alexa.

Shut the fuck up.

Fucking parents don't do anything about it.

it god damn it if you can't get to tune in or if you don't have an internet connection where you're

at if you're at work stuck in a place with no cell reception or where you're not allowed to use a

cell phone let's say or it's blocked we're blocked uh shoutcast is blocked internet radio is blocked

if you can make a phone call on your cell phone on your desk phone or you know if you're one of

just a few people there closing up the shop closing and you just want to call on the phone

put it on speakerphone and listen just give a phone call to 605-475-0097 that's 605-475-0097

and you can hear the show right there you can hear it live when it's live and when not it plays

the 24-7 madhouse archive replay stream it's a randomized list of god damn what are we at

in fact i'm going on 13 plus years now then so we're working on our 14th year of content

content even though some of those years did less than others anyway i'm going to call her right

now just so you can see what i'm talking about talking about this is how it works you call that

number 605-475-0097 work see 605 there's not much of a delay

there's not much of a delay

You masturbate.

I know you do.

I purgify it.

There's not much of it.

You masturbate.

I know you do.

I purgify it.

There's not much of it.

You masturbate.

I know you do.

Wow, that was trippy.

There's not much of it.

You masturbate.

I know you do.

That's pretty cool.

All right.

I just wanted to let that play for a little bit.

Oh, that was nice.

Yeah, that was nice.

If you want to chat right now among the community who's listening, Mixler Chat is open for

the time being.

If you're listening on Mixter, you can chat in there.

And you can also go to discord.gg forward slash pranks and get your chat on over there.

Be sure to check out Calls of Mass Confusion on YouTube.

Production ongoing on the next season of that.

Follow me on Twitter at Madhouse.

That's at Madhouse on Twitter.

Madhouse.live on Facebook.

Follow me there or add me there, I guess you would say.

And then patreon.com slash Madhouse.

You can donate a dollar and become malicious status.

And you get access to the Dropbox Archive.

You would get this show as soon as I go off the air.

You would get the upload available.

The upload would begin and it would automatically become available to you.

If you donate at least $1 to my cause here for Madhouse Podcast and Madhouse Site and Madhouse Live Shows.

If you want to donate $5 or more, you become horse status.

You get that.

Plus, you get access to a Discord server that we just kind of use.

There's not much action there, but maybe it'll grow.

You can listen to Shaco down off-air when I'm on my own doing some prank calls.

Right now, I've committed to release two shows per month,

so I'm thinking every other week I'll release a show.

Then every once in at least two or three times a week,

I'll just go on and do some prank calls by myself or with some others.

And any good ones that come out of that, I'll package those up and release them

as a Patreon-only

feed for about a month

and then after that, it'll become available

to everybody. But if you're

donating at least a dollar, you get that immediately.

If not, you just wait your 30 days

and you get it. Because I don't want anyone to be

forced to enjoy all of the Madhouse content,

but I do want to just reward people who

want to help me keep it going

and help me make it grow.

So there you go. I think that's a fair deal.

Fair shake. No paywall.

I'm trying everything I can.

And if you have any suggestions, don't just be

be butthurt but no everything will be available just like it always has been just some people

might get some of the stuff faster not all the stuff but some of the stuff all right so those

are unedited shows too like literally as soon as i go off air if you missed it you don't have to

worry about showreel being all shitty or you can download it for yourself put it on your phone put

it on your whatever you know unedited all the music all the bullshit all the shit that i might

I'd say that I let her cut out because it would incriminate me.

Get it all there.

So $1 will allow you to incriminate me or help me incriminate myself.

Do you know what I mean, Expo?

I know you're a law expert here.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

No, no, I know nothing about law.

You're a chief law correspondent here on Madhouse Radio.

Oh, no.

Oh, shit.

I guess not.

Maybe Brad Carter is.

Ha, ha, ha.

All right.

I'm his friend.

I can say that.

We have fun.

We make fun.

Let's do some more prank calls.

Let's call another Arby's, but first let's adjust our caller ID to match that area wink-wink

work

What is that Ryan? Hey Ryan? Hey, this is Zachary. I'm over here at the Elliott store. I'm so sorry

There was a yeah, this is Zachary over here at the Elliott store. Oh, how you doing?

Oh, man, super busy with the variety the Verizon burger the venison burger. Yeah, we've been selling a lot of ours, too

Oh shit. Well, how many you guys got left?

two you got two left all right hey hey put this on a hole for me man um straight up all right i'll

definitely uh i got them for you all right because we just ran out and i gotta get it on i got a

pregnant wife at home she will destroy me if i don't bring it home gotcha gotcha hey what do

you want like you guys want something from here maybe no uh let me ask let me ask uh lee and i'll

give you all right yeah yeah sounds nothing like a freaking restaurant if we don't give it to him

Hello?

Hello, yeah, you're checking?

Hey.

Are you checking?

Checking?

Yeah.

Yeah, you said this is Zach?

Yeah.

From 279?

Yeah.

For towels?

Like, brown paper towels?

Um, I mean, yeah, sure.

You just want to trade?

Trade?

My venison?

Well, I mean, I'm going to buy it, but I'm saying, you know, if you guys want something,

you know what I mean?

Like, I can bring a dime and a duchy if you guys want, you know?

Right.

I mean, yeah, we can just hang out.

What time do you take your break, man?

man? Uh, I have no idea. Wait, is this Zach from another store? No, from the Elliot store,

the store in Elliot. How many Zachs y'all got working there? A couple. This is me and

the other Zach, the white Zach. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, you thought I was a white Zach?

Yeah. The, the Lukey, Lukey one. Oh yeah. No, no, no. Hey man. This don't sound like

Zach. Yeah, no, this is Zach. Zach. I mean, he goes by Zachary, you know? I just call

him Zach. Uh, yeah. He doesn't like it though. I found out. So that's why I'm going to be

be zach and he's gonna do zachary because he told me we were like what are we gonna do you know

because we're gonna get confused and shit and he was like well i'll go by zachary you know how you

know how white he is you know he's like i'll go by zachary and as we started laughing and laughing

and then i gave him like a neck i gave him a neck rub you know yeah y'all ran out already yeah i'm

gonna come by we're gonna get uh those last two all right and i mean do you want me to like suck

your dick or something whatever yeah okay bring me some brown paper towels how about that i mean

And are you low on brown?

How many do you need?

How many can you spare?

I mean, whatever.

We got, I don't know, because I just put up like a whole, like a whole two boxes of them.

I think we're good.

Oh, hell, give me four then.

You need four?

Four rolls?

Four rolls.

Okay, all right.

I'll bring them over.

All right.

And you sound hot, you know?

I can't wait to see you.

Whatever.

Get over here.

All right, buddy.

All right.

I can't wait to kiss and hug you.

Shut up.

All right.

Hey, I'm White Zach.

I'm White Zach.

Zach.

Zax.

Are you?

Yeah.

I'm White Zach.

totally bro all right shit yeah hey can i masturbate in there oh no that's only a 0279

store oh okay all right i love i love masturbating hey yeah it feels really good right you know what

i mean shut up fool get off the phone all right i can't wait to see you booster what was your name

ryan yeah all right ryan i can't wait to see you honey baby all right i'll see you then my name's

all right ryan bye cool they know each other so you know so he uh wasn't fooled by the boys i

meant to call him and try to do the white the white kind of voices

anyway maybe they all go to school together right they all sleep together yeah they all

fuck yeah here's a totally different arby's maybe they don't know each other

so we effectively took off the venison from the menu i hope a redneck uh guy comes in and is like

why do you mean you just ran out motherfucker how about you keep him back there for yourself

you know oh yeah so the puppy woke us up it's like six in the morning and i couldn't get back

to sleep so i went online and i saw the rb started the venison burger at 9 30 and i got there

there nine nine uh nine fucking 9 30 something 9 30 something and there were people standing in

the parking lot but no one in the drive-thru so i went to the drive-thru and uh you know

things said it's closed i drive up to the window and it says they open at 10 like shit

so i went and i parked right in front of the the drive-thru thing and just sat there and waited but

a little bit behind it you know so nobody no one get in front of me but they wouldn't you know

I was, like, trying to sit there in front of them because, whatever, I thought that was too much.

So the guy came on the intercom and said, hey, we opened five minutes early.

Sir, if you can hear me, pull forward.

I had my windows down, so I came forward.

So the first thing I said, I want four venison burgers.

And he said, well, we have a limit of two.

And I got them, and they're pretty good.

Nice.

I got some pretty really fresh ones.

And I went back.

I bought two more.

Hey, how you doing?

All right.

Oh, good, good, good.

Hey, this is Zachary.

I'm over here at the store in Elliott.

Uh-huh.

Hey, how you doing?

I don't know if I know you.

All right.

I don't know if we've met before or not.

I'm not sure.

Okay.

Yeah, maybe.

Hey, how are the venison burgers going?

How many you got left?

I only have one tray left.

That's it.

All right.

Hey, hold that tray for me.

I want to come buy them all.

Okay.

Look, I'm going off right now.

Now, how many do you got left so I know?

Count them all.

I don't know offhand.

Okay, but one tray?

I mean, that's like 20, right?

Oh, I probably have more than that, yeah.

Okay.

Oh, that's a lot then.

No, no, no.

I don't want to have that many.

You know what I mean?

Hey, put that whole like 15 of them for me.

All right.

I'm coming right now to get them.

All right.

And I get an employee discount on those, right?

Don't discount on them.

Why not?

No employees get discount on the venison.

Well, come on.

It's a full price.

Come on.

It's really sad.

All right.

I'm over here.

I mean, if you don't believe me, you can call me.

I have to pay full price.

So do you.

Come on.

I'll suck your dick.

I'm sorry.

I'll suck your dick.

Man, I would give you that, you know.

I wonder what the employee discount is.

It's like a 10% discount.

They're making a big deal.

There will not be a price.

Dude, let me see if I can find it.

So, yeah, I bought two more, and I ate one of those already, and I have one left, Axba.

It's in the fridge.

Oh, yeah.

I'm going to actually transfer it to Ziploc and freeze it, and we're going to have it on Thanksgiving.

That's a good idea.

No, it's not.

I'm going to freeze dry it.

I'm going to vacuum seal it.

I don't have a receipt.

Dude, all right, so let's see.

I just went to see.

It was $17 for two of them.

So, yeah, I mean, it's pricey.

Just a sandwich, and I get the meal.

Mighty.

Ooh.

Yeah.

That's some Hardee's prices, right?

right uh i don't know hardy's has a burgers are real kind of they're kind of expensive

okay all right you sound like you're playing a game there so you sound like i'm really

on your case no no no no i'm paying i'm paying more attention to you than the game oh good

all right um let's see here let's call wendy's

big wendy's is doing i told the guy verizon burgers thank you for calling wendy how can i

I help you? Hey, this is Zachary. I'm calling from Arby's. Okay. On Elliott. I don't know

if you know where we're at. Zach from Arby's? Yeah. Elliott? Yeah, Zach from Arby's. Okay.

You know where the Walmart is? Yeah. What can I help you with? Hey, you know, did you

hear about those Verizon burgers that we're selling? Verizon burgers? I'm sorry. Venison

burgers that we're selling sorry okay so we got these venison burgers that everyone's going crazy

for we only is there i'm sorry do you guys want to do like a trade on the phone you guys want to

do a trade like we'll do a trade all right sorry i can't do any trade all right well is there

someone there who isn't such a bitch that might be i can talk to you hello hello hello all right

i'm sorry that i said that that's not true bye honey baby sorry

Sorry. Bye.

Whatever.

They're hoarding their Verizon burgers.

I'm going to keep calling for Verizon burgers.

I'm trying to find a place that's sold out of this so I can go into the Jack Marrish.

Oh, yeah.

Are you supposed to sell?

Oh.

You're keeping them for yourself.

Thank you for calling Tempe Red Robin, home of the gourmet burgers.

This is Jenny. How can I help you?

Hey, Red Robin. It's Arby's from across the way.

Yes.

Hey, how you doing?

doing we're over here you know arby's across the street where the walmart is uh-huh hey honey how

are you it's good to talk to you hey did you hear do you guys hear about the verizon the venison

burger no oh okay never mind so uh listen we got a box of your stuff we got a few boxes of your

stuff over here u.s foods dropped off a big shipment over here oh okay let me get my manager

Yeah, what's the manager's name?

His name is Bob.

Well, I'm Zachary.

Okay, we'll get him for you.

All right, let's go.

All right, hurry up.

Oh, hey, Big XYZ, I didn't see you join here.

This is AJ speaking, I'm happy.

Hey, AJ?

Adrian.

Oh, hey, Adrian.

Hey, this is Zachary.

I'm over here at the Arby's across the street at the Walmart Center.

Yeah.

Yeah, listen, we got, like, a whole pallet of stuff here from U.S. Foods for you guys.

Yeah, you guys need to get over here and get this shit out of here.

Is it addressed to us?

Let me see.

Like, it says December Red Robin?

I got the papers.

Hang on.

Jesus Christ.

It says Red Robin Gourmet Burgers.

The address is our address, though?

13-

It does.

13-

Oh.

That's us.

That's us, man.

That's us, dude.

Like, why are they delivering your stuff here?

I have no idea.

Who signed for it?

One of my guys did.

Oh.

But it's your fault.

Why is it here?

This is your fault.

I'm throwing this stuff out into the back right now.

Hold on.

Can you hold on a second?

Can you please hold on a second?

I'm going to throw the shit out of here.

I got a lot of shit I got to do.

You know?

Okay.

Well, okay.

Well, can you hold on a second, okay?

All right.

I'm calling someone yesterday, Robin.

Like, hey, honey, how are you doing?

Hi.

They're already calling.

We just got a...

They're calling in the background.

Yeah, baby doll.

Yeah, what's your name?

hello this is bob um this is uh zach from arby's no this isn't zach no i'm calling on behalf of

zach i'm on my cell phone you're calling on behalf of zach and i'm on my cell phone yeah

and these a bunch of shit there's a bunch of shit over here that u.s food system delivered

You need to get the shit out of here

Because I have a lot of shit I got to do

Okay, what's the address of your Arby's?

We're on 13th Street

And you guys are across the street

They sent it to the wrong place

Bob

So someone needs to come over here and get it

Don't listen to Zach on the phone

He's stupid

He doesn't even know what he's talking about

He's a stupid asshole

Okay, thank you, have a good day

You need to get the fuck over here

They know the truth

Because they called the number

yeah all right great call great call great i always great when you get to hear in the background

what's going on let's call zach now for real let's call him back playing it by him messing with us

messing up our flow over here that's fucked up yeah he was playing with my prostitute earlier

phone is busy he's either calling someone or still talking to someone else the other people

are calling him you know we just got a call from you guys like a trade and said he's gonna suck

like a dick is he still busy all right well we'll keep going maybe later get your shit out of here

gotta love those calls right guys i love get oh yeah yeah yeah yeah it was a good time what was

a good time yeah they ever leave you voicemails upset with you uh well no because i don't really

have an incoming call line oh shit damn dude those are the best man i i could go through mine

and i have like all these women yelling at me saying i'm an asshole you know wasting their time

yeah well not to give people an idea but um when i used to be able to do that have it set up like

that i just had my number kept being used by people for the caller id get me in trouble

it was used for various shit you know or like during the show there was a couple people out

there who would just create tons of um craigslist ads with them which was kind of cool at first but

then it became really disruptive and it wouldn't stop it wouldn't stop yeah oh dude every time

that happens i have i just pay the money to change my number dude it's five bucks right it's five

bucks yeah dude it's fucking expensive dude i write that off prank calls that's how you put

it in your taxes for prank calls yeah yeah for prank calls see what else i got here if you guys

have numbers of any kind that you think might be a good thing to do do let me know or throw it in

that skype chat and let me know hey it's there and i'll do it all right we got xyz show xyz

you should at xyz how about that how many shows do you do a week uh just just one but it's every

friday so i'm pretty consistent i think we're over like 150 now of like recorded ones instead

of like been the show real so that's good yeah well you've been going at it for when did you

start like in 2013 i don't it's been we're coming up next week is three years so yeah i think

Whenever 7 minus 3, whatever that is, that's the answer.

14, 14.

Off by a year.

Okay, yeah, 2014, yeah.

All right.

All right, good deal, man.

Awesome.

All right, let's call some different Arby's in a different town.

How about that?

Yeah.

Do you guys have any ideas for Arby's?

We can totally do that.

Hey, XYZ, remember that time we were getting free bowls?

Oh, yeah.

We learned the trick.

the ones some of them do the the empty tabasco sauces they convert them into salt and pepper

shakers and yeah the experience it happened to me i went there like oh hot sauce yeah my burrito

dump fucking mount mount vesuvius of salt on my burrito it's awful yeah it all got absorbed by

one ingredient the extra money guac that i put on it and i was so excited i didn't really get

at the guac i was like fuck it i'm gonna do guac today and i was on the fence then i had to scrape

all the guac off and it was still was salty but i was too embarrassed to go up to them to say what i

did because i thought it was stupid then i went by the time i got halfway home i was like

motherfucker no that's stupid what they do yeah it's stupid artsy type of stuff it should be

clearly labeled what it is that's that's what it should be i'm sorry but it's a real really big

on it. N-A-C-L. Everyone would

know what that means.

You know what I would have done? I would have taken that and I would have

just broken it right in front of them and told

them, listen, you know what? Now no one's

going to use it.

It's going to make the mistake every time.

I would have made a knife, a greaser knife out of it.

Cool.

There you go.

I would have been like, ah, a little thing.

A little miniature bottle.

Yeah, the other

ones use little Corona bottles for it.

and if that's the case

I could complain about that

alright let's do it, hey come on

let's do a Chipotle like that

unless any of you have a better idea

for a Chipotle

I don't know

I don't know, I usually don't go to Chipotle

I'm a Panera Bread type of guy

Man, everything at Panera Bread has gotten sour, smaller, and expensive.

Ah, shit, you're right.

My bill for the same order has gone up over the past few months.

And they've been skimping on size.

Well, yeah, that's true.

And everything's as sharp, all the cheese is sharp, or sour.

Hi, thank you for calling Chipotle, I'm Will and Baseline, this is Michael, how can I help you today?

date hey i want to go to you guys because everything that panera bread makes it's like

sour you know i'm sorry like everything that panera bread makes is sour so i decided i wanted

to come with chipotle yeah well here's the problem i came in there and why do you put your hot sauce

into best your um shit why do you put your salt and pepper in tabasco bottles where do i where do

we put them why do you put your salt why do you put your salt and your pepper in tabasco bottles

roles um good question honestly i'm not 100 sure but you do that right that's your thing okay so

you want to explain to me motherfucker that i went over there and got myself my burrito bowl

and i got extra guacamole and i never got extra guacamole because i'm cutting bro you know what

i mean but i had a real stressful fucking week at the gym and at work and i want my old lady

So I decided I wanted a guacamole, and I paid the extra.

How much is it?

One what for a guacamole?

For extra, I believe it's $1.95.

That's two bucks, bro.

You know?

All right.

All right, so I got it to go, okay?

All right, so my bad.

I wanted hot sauce.

I don't have any hot sauce in my car, so I grabbed a bottle of hot sauce, and I took it with me, okay?

My bad.

Big deal, okay?

Hi, thank you for calling Chipotle Room.

Yeah, listen, my bad.

I grabbed a bottle of hot sauce on my way out to take my to-go order, okay?

Big deal.

Um, okay.

Okay, so then I drive down to the park, and I go, and I'm sitting in my car,

and I go to put hot sauce on it, and the whole fucking thing of salt comes out of it.

Of salt?

Yes, it was full of salt, the bottle was.

The bottle of hot sauce was full of salt?

Yeah.

Did you not see the salt?

It's in a clear Tabasco.

No, it's in a Tabasco bottle sauce.

So I stole it, and then when I go to eat my food,

it dumped an entire bottle full of salt in my food.

I want my money back.

Did you not see that there was salt in a clear Tabasco?

Did you not see that someone put this salt as a joke in the hot sauce?

You could kill somebody doing that.

That is, it says a hot sauce on it.

Yes, but we put that soft-salt bottle outside with salt in it for people that asked for salt.

Did you not see that there was salt instead of hot salt?

I saw that it said the label.

There's a label on it.

And correct me, are you SurfSafe certified?

There's a salt and hot salt label on there.

Hey, shut up, please.

I'm sorry.

Are you SurfSafe certified?

I will get a manager to talk to you.

serve safe certified because this is the bullshit you labeled a bottle there with something

completely different than what it has and as far as i understand in this state in this state if you

mislabel a bottle you get dinged on your report on your inspection don't you i'm not sure if you

don't have a label or you don't have the correct label on a bottle in a restaurant you definitely

Hopefully get a big-time ding on your inspection report.

I know that for a fact.

I'm SurfSafe certified.

Okay.

But the thing is, we put a clear Tabasco Salsa bottle outside that has salt in it.

And every other one that is hot salsa is red.

I'm colorblind.

Okay, well, I really don't know what to tell you.

It all looks the same to me.

it said hot sauce it said hot sauce it said hot sauce motherfucker you i am not gonna argue with

you sir if you'd like to call a manager i will let me talk to a man let me talk to a man

this stop laughing it's not funny i just want to come in and get my money back is what i'm saying

you need to give me a free bowl i need a free bowl i'm coming with the salty bowl and i want a free

ball that's ridiculous she was talking down to you she really was yeah they had the authority

to tell me i can get a free bowl that's bullshit that's right that's right you should write that

down in the notepad do you have notepad.exe on your computer notepad plus plus oh perfect yeah

write that down make sure you have that logged for later they're still connected i don't understand

she's looking for a manager better be what did she just say i'm gonna put a manager on the phone

if there was a manager there why did she decide to argue with me about it like she's defending the

chain i think she was laughing at you she thinks i'm stupid she said did you not see it clearly

hello this is randy is randy a manager or just a man yes i am i am a manager sir okay well listen

Listen, this is unacceptable what you people did.

You sabotaged the hot sauce bottle, and you could kill someone doing this.

Okay, so the thing is, I know that we have clear bottles that are specifically designed for salt.

And that's one of those things of it's a half-empty bottle that we use.

It says hot sauce on it, sir.

I understand that.

Let me grab the actual bottle so I can read it, so I can read all the details on it,

because it's one of the Tabasco bottles.

We have them shipped in specially there.

It says really big on a Tabasco.

That's disgusting.

You're disgusting, sir.

I have the Tabasco brand pepper sauce, the clear, empty bottle.

Sauce! Sauce! Sauce! Sauce!

Santa Maria, coño!

It says...

The empty bottle, okay, we get them shipped in from our order.

We don't put any Tabasco in them. They are specifically empty bottles.

How am I supposed to know that? How am I supposed to know that I'm colorblind?

Because that's... I'm sorry, sir. There's nothing else I can say at that point.

Well, you made a big mistake, mister. You made a big mistake by doing this.

you could have given me salt poisoning what if i didn't notice what if i was deaf and i dearly

didn't hear notice the fact that the it that the the the burrito ball when i took a bite out of it

it crunched it crunched in my mouth while i'm in traffic while i'm in traffic you reasonably

reasonably sir i appreciate being cursed at appreciate yelling and nothing but respectful

with you sir why do you poison people why sir we're not poisoning people that's not just us

us that do this this is a company-wide thing we get bottles that are specifically shipped in

that don't at any point have any hot sauce in them we don't it's not that we're ripping out

bottles and putting salt in it i go to the chipotle on elliott road and i guarantee you

they do it there no it's a little corona bottle there's a clear difference it's a corona bottle

for salt and a corona bottle for pepper and a tabasco bottle for hot sauce so i know

when I go to use it because I'm colorblind I put it out of my hand a little bit and I taste it and

it says if it's salty it's salt if it's peppery it's pepper and I make a and I make a point to

put the one on one side and the other one on the other side of the table and I always know and if

I in my mind I have any doubt I shake it I do it again I shake it onto my hand what's this oh this

This is salt.

It tastes grainy.

It tastes salty.

It's activating the salt taste buds on my tongue.

If I want hot sauce, which I love my hot sauce, I put it, that's what I put on it.

And it clearly comes out.

But listen, I'm driving and I'm using a bottle of Tabasco sauce that I took off the table on my way out with my order.

so i'm in traffic and i'm trying to get to home as fast as i can because i have problems at home

with my wife and i'm trying i'm trying to make it to anger management therapy and i miss it you

know why because i'm trying to eat as fast as i can my dinner after i get out of a hard days of

work and i put my what i to me is a normal amount of hot sauce on it and then i put in my spoon and

fork and the next thing i know burrito bowl is in my mouth and it's crunching and i can't swallow

i start gagging and choking and my car is making s motions on the road and i start i forget which

is the brake pedal and the gas pedal jesus christ it could have been so bad if it wasn't for the

innovation of almighty jesus and god and the virgin mary i'd be dead right now what is the point of

this policy that you take a bottle and mislabel it as to what's inside of it are you surf safe

certified yes i am sorry i've actually taken it twice i took it as a manager at wendy's and i

took it as a manager here so what do you so you tell me what is it that happens if i'm an inspector

from the state and i come to your restaurant and you have containers of salts and spices and

seasonings and sauces and there's not a label that clearly says what's on it and when it expires

you tell me what is it that happens well you know on our early audits that we get from a company

called eco shirt we get our quarterly audits from the health department and from actually

our area manager there would be some sort of issue where they would notice that and say hey

here's a problem but since none of them three have said that this is a problem we have not

encountered any problem with this this is how we do it so why is it okay then why is it okay

to do the same thing to your customers what you wouldn't do to yourselves tell me why is it okay

to do to your customers what you know you can't do to yourselves behind the wall for all that you

You say that you're an open environment and the customer can see it's lunch or dinner as it's being made.

And then you do this.

Then in plain sight, you mislabel something.

Have you heard of salt poisoning before, sir?

I have not, sir.

Do you know what it could have done to my kidneys if I would have ingested an entire bottle that size of salt?

I can imagine, sir.

Do you imagine we'd probably not be having this conversation right now?

So I want a free bowl.

I want five free bowls, and I know you can make that happen, sir.

I can give you a free bowl, sir.

Eight free bowls, I'll take it.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

I can give you one singular free bowl, sir.

You want me to go to someone else about this?

Be my guest, sir.

I have been nothing but respectful and courteous to you.

Okay, well, the guy I go to isn't going to be disrespectful or courteous to you.

Okay.

What time do you close?

We lock our door at 10.05, sir.

And then what time do you go to your car?

What's up?

When can I meet you to talk about this?

Sir, I'm not going to discuss when I get out of work.

We do not discuss what time we leave, sir.

Yeah?

How often do you get paid?

I do not discuss that, sir.

Do you have a direct deposit, or do you have some other type of way you get paid?

I do not discuss that, sir.

Oh, wow.

Okay, I'm just making a note of all of this here.

As I said, I have been nothing but courteous to you, sir.

I have neither yelled at you or cursed you out.

I've offered to replace your bowl.

Oh, you haven't.

And I'm sorry, but you will replace my bowl, Ben?

Then I want you to take all of these off the table so that this never happens again.

Sir, this is the way that we have done things.

Not anymore.

It's not.

Because if it is, I'm going to go to everybody about this.

I'm going to go to every media outlet.

I'm a podcaster.

Then be my guest, sir.

I'm a podcaster.

I have an audience.

of patrons okay be my guest sir i said that i have done nothing rude to you okay i've been

nothing but considerate i've been nothing but all right fine all right well hey well you know

i guess we can put you i guess i've got you on uh i'm gonna quote you then what was your name again

i will not give you my name sir oh you have to give me your name now you know what can i connect

you to my attorney right he's right here i have brought him down here for this or if you have any

I'm going to put you through the attorney, Gaius Bachtar.

Are you there, Mr. Bachtar?

Yeah, hi, I'm there, and I've been listening to this phone call, and he has to tell you his name.

Okay, sir, you're in a management position, and you're representing the company.

Okay, so please present your name to us.

I'm sorry?

Sorry, if you have any further complaints, you can go to our corporate officer.

Listen, he was doing S motions on the road because of this salt that he took the Tabasco container and he put it in his car and he poured it out.

And there was salt all over. And he was he was freaking out.

And he did, you know, S left and right. And as he said, you know, God himself intervened and saved him.

But listen, what you've done here, you need to own up to your mistakes here.

Do you understand?

This is yet again one of those things of the company thing.

This is what we do.

This is an outrage.

As I said, I will replace that bull for you.

Yeah, you need to do a lot more.

I think that you need to give him a public apology if you want to round up all your employees right now and put this on speakerphone.

And if you'd like to apologize to him in front of the employees, I think that then we will be at a resolution.

I will do no such thing. If you have any further complaints, you can go to my corporate. You can speak to my boss, be my guest.

I'm, listen, I think that you need to get the employees all rounded up, okay, and we can conduct this apology.

I feel like that's the best course of action.

The employees have done nothing wrong.

Sir, you need to own up for the mistakes that you made.

You put these, you tried, you thought they would be funny to do a prank and to put these salts in a Tabasco container.

and you thought that that would be a funny joke, you know?

Well, it's not funny, okay?

I've never once laughed.

There's no joke to this.

It's not funny, okay?

You've made a prank and it backfired.

Sir, there is no prank.

Nobody pulled a prank on you.

This was not a prankster joke.

This is what we get.

Oh, so you did it intentionally.

That's even worse then.

Yet again.

I'm sorry.

I'm getting, no, no, no.

I'm sorry.

I'm too upset now.

I can't speak to you.

This is ridiculous.

You know, shame on you, sir.

You know, you need to grow up, honestly.

Goodbye.

Have a nice day.

Asshole.

Good call.

Here we go.

Talked to three different people during that call.

Jesus Christ.

Too much salt.

I like it how you walked out with the Tabasco bottle.

The whole time.

I walked out.

You didn't even catch that.

I just swiped it.

I didn't even look at it.

I wasn't just taking it.

And I was driving while I was eating a burrito bowl.

I mean, the burritos are pretty hard enough to eat when you're driving.

i'm sure i can imagine the bull jesus

honking the horn

shoveling it in there

out of my way

discovery this is claudia how may i help you yeah are you people trying to poison me or something

in here why do you say that because i went in there for a burrito bowl earlier and all right

so look my bad i swiped a bottle of tabasco sauce on my way out i took it with me i stole it okay

and then i find out when i'm driving with this burrito bowl i'm driving and i'm eating while

i'm driving and i put down the what i thought was the normal amount of tabasco sauce and i

I get to a red light and I just start scooping up the burrito bowl into my mouth

and I feel a crunching and I swallow and I started coughing and my eyes got all watery

because it was salt.

It was an entire bottle full of salt.

By a bottle of salt.

The Chipotle bottle was full of salt.

We don't have Chipotle bottles full of salt.

What do you have?

We have salt shakers.

You don't have the Chipotle, see?

All right, so then, all right, good.

good good good good good for you good for you maybe it was something else then you know i called

so i called the other chipotle right you know the one on baseline no we're on alley and the 101 okay

listen asshole i'm saying that the one on baseline that's where this happened to me and the manager

you know who bob is the manager over there no okay well he told me that i told him that i go to your

place all the time you're the one that's closest to where i work okay but i didn't go there today

i was down on the other side of the area so i came from another way to go to work i work at

the golf course you know the one okay she's sick i don't have time for this shut up oh man she's

done but i've been i'm going home going home yeah she says i'm going home i'm done with this

top of the hour yeah no she can't now i don't know when their shift ends

till it's dirty whoa connected and silent put me right on okay

enough of that how about some more arby's yeah

someone about food machines that thought i wasn't coming out

dwight mcclanahan will be on around 10 p.m eastern standard time at 7 p.m pacific

exclusively on

Prank Call Nation

I'm trying to go on until then

you know, trying to get a nice

lead in, gonna try to do 40

minutes more prank calls here

and then take a nice little break

nice big break, big break, big break

and come back and maybe knock out

another hour and a half

of pranks, hour 45 of pranks

you two are both welcome to stay here

throughout the entire process

sex yeah and anyone else all right any other members of the super friends of prank calls

or invited and if you want to talk to arby's about their whole

oh shit they have venison stuff there now today one day only oh damn i fucked up then

I thought it was, like, good for, like, the entire month or something.

Ah, shit.

Oh, yeah, I gotta get him the whole bed for me for tomorrow.

Place a pre-order.

Wow, look at that customer service.

Thank you for choosing Arby's. This is Shauna. Can I help you?

you uh hi shauna um you guys are doing the venison thing today right we are yes sir yeah uh can i

place an order for tomorrow can you just like keep it in the fridge or something please because i

thought that it was for the entire month okay no as soon as we run out we are out oh i see so yeah

place my order right now then and then i'll come in tomorrow when on my way to church and i'll pick

pick it up if you could any sandwiches are you going to order uh just one i'm gonna have one

venison yeah because i'm at the end of my uh amount and we were not we were told not to hold

any um listen i if you could just um i don't know like what how do we get around the the rule like

could you just just you know like not listen to them or something just hold one like put it in

the fridge or something and then i'll come by tomorrow honestly i can't i'm i'm so sorry because

you know if i break the rules that means my employees can break the rules i would love to

do it no that doesn't mean that no no it doesn't mean that listen what i'm asking you is just put

it up in the fridge and i'll come by tomorrow and pick it up um i'm sorry but i i can't because

once i sell out i'm out i can't hold any i mean my employees can't even try them

them you're listen don't tell your employees then just do it like on the down low you know i'll even

pay extra for it like think of it like i need to pay extra second of all i just can't do it it's

it's not right for me are you incapable of doing it or what's wrong with you are you just being

like an asshole you know what's the problem honestly sorry i don't appreciate the language

i don't know i want my fucking venison sandwich okay oh really you're gonna use the f-bomb on me

I don't really appreciate that.

you have a wonderful day. Well I want my sandwich

okay I've been waiting for this for months

I was reading the subreddit

and they were talking about the sandwich

and I want it

oh shit I'm sorry I got heated

yeah I got upset

wow really i love arby's they're great green bees are arby's correspondent chief

arby's correspondent he was saying is there a representative arby's is seanette can i help you

yeah hi were you just talking to my friend about getting a sandwich um if your friend's the one

that said the f-bomb to me then yes i was the one talking to him yeah i'm sorry we're we're

actually in a christian band and i don't know why he's been acting like that wow he better go repent

otherwise he's gonna go to hell today i'm gonna put it on to apologize to you fuck off amen wow

that's really apologizing hey hi listen i'm sorry okay i'm look my i've been doing i tried i went to

a concert the other day and i accidentally done did like um uh like marijuana and it's just like

really changed me that's all so i'm sorry okay and i appreciate you apologizing but that's not

gonna help me hold one for you for tomorrow fucking bitch you won't hold the same way

even after i apologized oh my god you're a fucking bitch you know that you have two of

them right now maybe i'll just come and pick them up how many do you have left do you have

enough for me to go again no wow thank you for choosing arby's is shawnette can i help you

Hey, Shonda.

It's me again.

So I want to come in and get them today.

Do you have enough?

Like, do you have time to take a shower and sober up a little bit?

Or should I maybe head out there now?

You know, we have them.

I don't know what time we are going to run out.

So if you come in and we have them, great.

You can have them.

Otherwise, once we run out, we run out.

I was going to say, like, I'm going to try to make it there.

I mean, I still have 30 left.

Hey, Terry, how are you?

Hey.

How are you?

Yeah, it's me.

How do you know it's me?

So I'm sure I will have some.

It just depends what time you're going to come in.

I mean, if it's going to be 8 o'clock tonight, probably not.

Oh, no, but I'm going to come now, but kind of have a little bit of a drink.

So my concern is, like, how was your drive-thru?

Is it pretty easy to navigate?

Because I've been known to.

It's actually pretty tight.

Shit, man.

And, you know, I would suggest if you've been drinking, obviously you probably shouldn't drive here.

Maybe you could Uber here or do Uber Eats.

Does Uber Eats go to you guys' place?

Yeah, they do Uber Eats.

Oh, yeah?

What if I...

I just want to kiss you.

But, yeah, we have, like, 20 to 30 left, so we should have some.

Do you like it when guys go down on you?

Because I get diced.

You know what?

You're disgusting.

You're talking about being a Christian.

You're talking about...

I'm not even going to repeat what you just said to me.

So, you know what, though?

if you want to call back you're not going to get me

because I'm walking out the door right now

oh god I want to speed over there

and if you want to call back tomorrow I'll be more than happy

to keep you in this conversation

we're going to get you in a parking lot and make you airtight

this is great

so fed up she's leaving early

she's out of air

she's a scarlia

oh man

this is what I'm saying

listen it's because we tried

it's because we tried marijuana at that concert

And you know, it just changed us. That's all three days. Yeah

You saw the wrinkle I was trying to think of something that would like you couldn't use as an excuse

Oh my god

See what we could find here another RV

It's fun because you know, they're fucking tired of dealing with this shit. Oh, yeah, dude

Dude, I would be like, oh, no, fuck that, all those people coming.

I can't believe I was one of those persons twice.

I mean, in my defense, I was getting gas and tea for the show, my iced tea,

and the Arby's is right next to the gas station, and I was like, come on, man.

So I called them myself.

This is Sasha.

Hey, how you doing?

Yay, Arby's.

I love Arby's.

I love venison.

Hey, how many more Verizon burgers do you have?

I'm sorry?

How many more Verizon burgers do you have?

The venison burgers?

Yeah.

We have about 35, 40 left, so we have plenty.

Oh, wow, wow.

All right, so you have a rule that's only two per customer?

Throwing that rule out the window because it's not selling as well as we thought,

so you can come and get as many as you'd like.

Oh, no, I don't want you guys to have to bring it back.

You think they won't bring it back, then?

They're not going to bring it back, no.

No, no, really?

Yes, just this one day.

Oh, okay.

Oh, man.

All right, so what do I do?

Can I get them?

You're not going to sell them tomorrow, right?

I'm sorry?

You're not going to sell them tomorrow?

No, we're just going to do it today.

Okay, so what time do you stop selling them?

11?

We close at 11 tonight, yeah.

All right, can I get the ones that are left?

If you pay for them.

I'm going to buy them all right now.

Well, I mean...

You said it's not selling well and I'll buy...

If you're going to get that many.

It's $210.

They're $8 a sandwich, so...

$240 plus tax.

What's the sales tax?

0.7%?

I have no idea.

I'm looking it up.

All right, yeah, all right, good.

Yeah, that's a good investment.

Yeah, because I can sell those maybe on eBay next week.

Okay, but I don't want to have to keep coming around and around, you know, to buy two at a time.

Will you work with me?

Yeah.

All right, so I can just get them all right now?

You can come at close and however many we have left you can buy.

No, no, right now.

I want to buy everything that's left right now.

And then, yay, you sold them all.

Yay.

No.

Yeah, come on.

Don't do the...

Come on.

All right, because sell me 20 of them.

Right now, I'm coming, and you sell me 20 of them.

I just got into a fist fight at one of the other Arby's, the one that's up the way.

You know, the one on 91st?

Yeah, I just got into a fist fight over there.

Coming at 10, we can do that.

Okay, and I've been drinking a little bit.

That's okay for me to drive down there now?

No, probably not a good idea.

All right, well, I'll put my attorney on the line.

He'll have a more introspective on this situation.

Hello?

No.

You should order the venison thing, but then ask them to remove the venison meat.

Just do, like, a regular thing.

We're calling Arby's. How can we help you today?

Yeah, hi. I'd like to make an order. One venison.

Just for just one sandwich or the meal?

Well, just how many sandwiches can I get? Two?

Per customer?

All right. How can we get around that?

You want to get more than two?

Yeah, because I heard, I looked online, I was looking at the results coming in, and they're not good.

So do you want to get all the ones that I have left?

What do you got left?

How many?

I have 22.

Nice, nice.

All right, so what are we looking at, $8 per?

$8 per sandwich, correct, or you could get the meals as well.

I don't want that meal.

What am I going to do with all those drinks?

I can get those drinks whenever I want.

I want the venison burgers.

Just the burgers, and it's $8 at least plus tax.

All right, so you're going to take them off then?

then you're gonna say from now on no more left okay oh no i can't do that oh come on then i can't

then how am i gonna get them what if they run out by the time i get there um there's other

arby's that have plenty of them as well you could try them arby's i don't think that's proper

grammar okay listen um you can hold uh 10 for me let's say for tomorrow i'll pick them up in the

the morning tomorrow no just for today but come on you can hold them for me i'll make it you know

i'll make something for you no i can't do that i'm sorry i'll kiss you down there and smell you

oh no that is horrible but it's something i can do i'm really you're doing what you're really good

at and i'm doing what i'm doing no no no that is horrible come on be a dirty girl you know you

want oh my god who is this all right this is zachary i work at one of the other rvs it's on

on elliot you know where elliot avenue is in tempe no but this is horrible yeah but i really

want to fuck you know no yeah i do if you don't believe it call back and um and ask for zachary

that's me i can't call back yeah zachary yeah i don't like the fuck bitches you know no another

zachary from another rb in tempe in tempe tempe why are you guys all staring at me all like that

do any of them bitches over there and even that guy there i'll suck his dick if he wants

Oh, my God, that is horrible.

Why would you call to say that?

Because I want the venison burger.

We ran out of them.

Okay, well, I'm sorry, I can't.

You can't sell them to me at all, then?

No.

Well, come on, I'll do it good.

Do you like to have your nipples touched and pinched?

No.

Let me talk to another girl there.

That is horrible.

Why would you call and say that?

I don't know why.

Are you for real?

Like, why would I say something like that?

No, no, no.

that's what she was saying oh no no of course i thought that it was very romantic what you said

you know it's nice you sweet you're doing what you're good at yeah you work there at rvs and

i'm good at you know whatever yeah yeah you know yeah let's see if i can find the guy the guy in

the lows in hawaii chris it's been a while since i've talked to big chris i don't know if you know

know if i'm talking about but he's his hawaiian guy it's the chief he's the chief sounding guy

yeah i'm always fun with him about a monitor about a viewer not always but i had the one call yeah

you know i'm talking about you're on it oh yeah dude that's one of my favorites good character

thank you for calling rose larry yes is it larry i think so yeah thank you for calling rose

Looking at about 20 minutes until break, and then we'll do another two hours of show.

Open it up for Big Dwight in Flanagan.

Customer service, how can I direct your call?

Hey, honey, how are you?

I'm good, how are you?

Sacks.

I was looking to talk to Larry in Tool World.

Is he there?

Sure.

Yeah, one moment.

Thanks, honey.

See if he's really there.

We can do another call in the meantime.

Maybe we can squeeze two in.

See, that happens sometimes.

It works out.

that everyone while we're waiting be sure to look for madhouse on youtube madhouse radio on youtube

subscribe like and share thank you this is edna how may i help you hey starbucks how are you yeah

i love coffee i love coffee i love seattle i love girls i love the smell of women how you doing hi

hey uh i'm making another phone call in the background it's good to talk okay my manager

but why hello is larry there hello yeah what's the manager's name chanel chanel why do you think

i need to talk to her why do you want me to talk hello hello can i help you hey chanel the manager

oh yeah i don't know why does she make me talk to you i could have talked to her um there's a

dial tone or something yeah i hear something weird i don't know maybe it's your phone that's a piece

of shit you know but um that'd be a party yeah i wanted to make an order okay when did you need

For, like, ten...

I'm gonna come pick it up.

I need a Caramel Macchiato Venti.

What?

You're acting like you can't hear me, you bitch.

What?

Hello?

I think all the phones died.

Hello?

Hello.

I don't know what was up with that.

Let's try to call just a Starbucks this time.

It was taking way too long anyway to get a hold of someone at Lowe's.

In that configuration that we were trying.

You know what I mean.

Uh-oh.

The island of Hawaii lose communication?

Oh, my God.

Maybe they got a tsunami.

Tissue.

Man.

Chanel, how can I help you?

Hey, is this manager Chanel?

Hello?

Why are you being quiet, you bitch?

Whatever.

Fuck her, dude.

She's just supposed to be stupid and quiet.

Oh, man, Vietnamese food.

I could go for some pho.

I love a good soup now.

A good Asian soup.

I love it, man.

I love to get the Vietnamese soup, man.

They got this Vietnamese place here in town.

And it's right next door to where I get my hair cut once a month.

And I love that day.

That Saturday I go, I get my hairs cut.

You know, and then I go right next door.

And then I go to the Vietnamese place.

And they have a soup that they only make on Saturday.

And they start it out Friday with, like, boiling, making a broth out of boiled beef bones.

Oh, my God.

This thing is freaking delicious.

It's spicy as hell.

It is massive.

and it hits a spot i miss i skip breakfast i just get that for breakfast lunch oh man this feels

good i feel energized after getting a nice bowl of soup nice you're gonna try that yes i'm full

yeah i'll get you the name of that soup maybe you could try it somewhere have you ever seen it

oh yeah for sure i love trying new food i have you hey you got four you got four yeah you got

four what it means four you got four vietnamese food yeah i they have four i have four i have

What do you mean, what does this mean?

I want some pho.

I want to make an order for pho, pho, pho, pho, pho, pho.

Okay?

I don't understand what you're saying.

I want to make an order for pho.

Yes.

You pho.

What kind you want pho?

I want hot pho.

Yes, hot.

With the noodle and the hot pho.

Yes, but what kind you want chicken pho?

How do you want beef pho?

Put the meat with meat in it.

The beef, you put the meat, and then you put the lemongrass,

and then you put the beans in it, you know, the white bean?

Hello?

Cool, cool.

I'm like, man.

She lost.

Well, at first, when I said you have the full, she's like, what do you mean?

I'm like, what do you think I mean?

Do I have the full?

Oh, Skippy, may I help you?

Yeah, one full.

Okay.

Before to go, yeah?

With hot water.

Hey, hot water.

What you do, hot water?

I put the hot water in the bowl.

Before here, before?

Yeah, I ate pho before.

Okay, you come here, what kind you want, and I cook for you, okay?

No, no, no, I need to take it because I don't like you people.

People what?

I don't like you people.

You people, I don't like Vietnamese people, but I like your food.

Oh, okay, quick, quick.

Uh-oh.

Yeah, we're not making many people happy tonight.

Oh.

I want some Vietnamese in the States because that's too fucking much right now.

Vietnamese in the Los Angeles yeah you know bitches come a dime a dozen so

don't get mad when I fucked your cousin Expo oh my god not no I'm not sorry okay

it was a joke no it's fine yeah I don't have to be sorry about saying a joke

right anyway yeah just suck it up actually it's just a joke oh yeah yeah

I'm sucking real hard no I'm trying to work on that hole sorry sorry

All circuits are busy now.

Motherfucker.

Oh, come on.

We blew up the phone internets.

All circuits are busy now.

Oh, my God.

Jesus.

Try a different number.

Full home ball.

Full side gun.

If any of you would like to do full, let me know, and I'm going to be doing full right now.

Yeah, I do full.

Yeah, yeah.

We're about 11 to 12 minutes away from that break, and coming up on two hours and a little bit more

before Dwight McClanahan takes over

10 p.m. Eastern, 7 p.m. Pacific

exclusively on Madhouse Radio.

No, on Prank Call Nation.

I'm sorry.

Will things dial?

That's the question.

Stop being sorry.

I did it, didn't I?

Yeah.

Damn it.

Oh, no.

Oh.

This has happened before

and it's always been my fault.

Just got to figure out

what I'm doing wrong here.

I can pee.

Shit.

You know what?

Let me just take that break, okay?

So I can take a pee.

eat my venison sandwich

the one I got left

oh yeah

sorry to make y'all

hold there

uh

sorry

doing it again

my bad

where am I going with this

where's my music at here

where we at

alright

All right, so I'll be back.

Give me some time because I've got to make a payment.

I've got to eat a sandwich.

Excuse me, I've got to pee.

We're looking at like a good ten minutes.

We'll come back and we'll do a show until 10 p.m., promise.

Yeah, you gentlemen stay there if you can.

Good to hear, guys, is the line there, so you can talk among yourselves if you need to.

Don't worry about being out on air.

You're good to talk.

All right.

Thank God.

Okay.

So when we get back, more prank calls, more Arby's maybe.

We're going to switch it up a notch.

I'll look for some more ideas out there.

We'll get it on.

Nunu is out there asking for UK numbers.

Nunu, you got it.

You're on the big board right now.

Before we go, everyone make sure that you're at madhouselive.com.

Subscribe to the podcast there, madhouselive.com.

TuneIn Radio is now activated.

You can listen to us on the go using the TuneIn Radio app.

Just look for Madhouse Radio Prank Calls on there.

You can always dial 605-475-0097.

Once again, that's 605-475-0097 to tune into the show with just your phone line.

You don't have to rely on your internet connection.

If you've got a telephone connection, you're good to go.

Chat over at discord.gg slash pranks.

Discord.gg slash pranks.

Prank call community is in there chatting away, listening to the show and doing other things.

A lot of good shows out there you can check out.

And follow me on Twitter at Madhouse and Madhouse.live on Facebook.

All right, guys.

Catch you in a few minutes.

Thank you.

Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.

that when you die they put your gps in your box and a trap door at the bottom so when you die

you open up trap door at the bottom check the gps and you go straight down to the hell

madhouse radio is back you are bigger than a woman you are better than a woman we'll always

be behind you do not let a woman will ever ever make you who you are huh yeah girl you gotta let

Let it bump, uh, uh, like that, yeah.

Come on, bring the chorus in.

Just remember to turn the lights on.

Brother from the number pop.

Hey, everybody, I'm back.

With G-Money, man, we all we got.

Joe With, Max Platt, Nick Swayze, and Dwight McClanahan.

And us getting mad, throwing rocks off the roof.

And this is Street 3 Play, listen.

We would never progress.

Look at it now, we all get sex.

My nigga name, my nigga big, my nigga tall, my nigga high, my nigga gaudy.

We your body, all is right.

Oh, no, you're good, man.

so good oh yeah oh shit man you went and got you one of them uh one of them reindeer meat burgers

i've had three of them today oh my gosh and that's one over the limit that they'll sell you

how'd you get that well then my wife had one too oh i looked at that i went in the morning

when they first opened i was the first person i wasn't the first customer but i was the first

I just want to go to the drive-thru.

Ah, okay.

I see.

Let's fuck that standing around way.

Yeah, I don't do that.

I went to the drive-thru, and I got to the spot right before you get to the microphone,

so they couldn't say I was active.

Plus, the dumpster blocks the view from everyone, and I was smoking marijuana the whole time.

Yeah, I was smoking marijuana.

and waiting and i waited 30 minutes and the guy i'd say the story the guy said hey we opened five

minutes earlier sir if you can hear us pull up and i said yeah as a man give me two of them

motherfuckers and i went back later and got two more just hate it right now that wasn't the last

one it's over nice dude the cream everything that gleams we can call the local see if the one the

local one here has some more and i might go more when i called first before i went the second time

I was like, oh, do you have the venison burger?

Just to fake my voice.

Because I was like, I didn't want them to think, oh, my God, this guy again.

And they said, yeah, we have 20.

The manager said, you have 20 left.

Boom.

Got two more.

Shit, I didn't want them to know that.

Don't look back if you're falling, you're feeling bad.

I'm right there from your cut to when you're peeling the scab.

They knew that.

So I was like, oh, yeah, they're for tomorrow.

I was like, oh, okay, cool, but I ain't up to that.

Yeah, I got a problem.

Oh, man.

Well, I mean, they even said it themselves.

It isn't selling well, so.

Yeah, that girl said they were probably not going to bring it back.

You did them a favor, so there you go.

Well, I don't know, because they had 20 left over there around.

That was around 330.

For $2.30, $3.30.

I think they sold that over here.

They had to by now.

But I'm not going to get into that.

We'll ask Greenby.

He's our Arby's correspondent.

He'll be able to let us know what the street beat is on that.

I took Arby's all the time with him.

I love that Arby's chain.

I bought stock on Arby's and everything, guys.

Oh, man, you're a co-owner of Arby's?

Oh, yeah.

Damn, dude.

Were you aware that they contacted Singapore

and they actually chopped up fucking reindeer to make that to make those burgers singapore no

christmas no more christmas yeah yeah they actually they got they contracted with singapore

the country of singapore and uh the reindeer it's reindeer meat how do reindeer live in singapore

that's a hot chopper country i don't know but that's what the what the insider says well that's

cool whatever tastes are good to me it tastes like i told the guy there it's like a steak but

but without the fat and gristle.

It's a very lean taste of meat.

A little gamey, but it's great.

It's really good.

All right, guys.

Yeah, let's do some prank calls.

About an hour and a half left

until Dwight goes on and does his own show.

Dwight, do you have anything planned for us tonight

at the top of the other hour?

Just pranks?

That's it?

No big pillow?

It's my house,

and if you don't like it,

get the fuck out.

I think he got lost.

He's been eating the moth water again.

No, I haven't.

All right.

All right, well, then, don't promote your shit.

I don't care.

He's going to have it.

I don't know.

Somebody else called.

I had to go check and see what it was about.

No, I'm going to have a stupid shit problem.

Probably.

I haven't planned for it.

I don't know what I'm doing.

It worked out well last week, so I'm going to do it again this week.

Told you.

I don't plan this shit.

Fuck planning a show.

Let's see what Nunu has for us to fail at.

F-Dad.

Cool.

Yeah, bitch.

Hey, how you doing?

Hello? Yeah, can I speak with F-Dad? This is Cross.

Who?

Cross-Dad.

You talking about who are you?

I'm Cross-Dad. We're from, we're the same family. I need to talk to him. I'm a cousin.

Oh.

I'm a cousin.

Oh. No, you got the wrong number.

I'm the cousin. I'm a cousin. I'm the cousin who's the doctor.

This is F-Dad, Brinsworth, Rotterham, Willowgarth Avenue.

Oh, man. Cross-Dad. Cross-Dad.

We are not available now. Please leave your name and phone number.

Hello? Hello? Is that?

Wee hee hee hoo hoo hee hee.

La la la la.

Okay.

Good job, Nunu. Good calls. Yeah, good numbers.

You know, he gave me, um, Nunu gave me a number the other day, yesterday,

to this, um, Chinese restaurant where they had, like, rats and stuff, you know, dying and shit.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's disgusting, dude. They had videos on the website and everything about it.

filthy you know over there that said third world country united kingdom tastes very good too

uh carlito we had a uh a man on the twitch last night lose his shit uh he was in the middle of

a 48 hour straight stream he was on about hour 10 and uh we seemed to confuse the hell out of

him like he didn't know how to handle things uh we had a bunch of follow bots start uh going to

of town on him and uh he he was sitting there he's like oh thank you thank you and he thought

yeah well he thought a bunch of people were now subbing to him and uh we told him that you know

he was uh he got shouted out over at uh twitch con like some guy on a panel fucking shouted him

out and that's why we were all there and he's so he's tripping out not knowing how to handle it

of course uh firmus and the xyz go into the guy's discord and start telling him all this shit

and he's half believing it half thinking he's getting fucked with but like he's so uh sleep

deprived he didn't know what was real and what wasn't and eventually uh rail moose comes in and

starts talking the guy the guy snaps and goes from like this goody goody act to like straight

fucking like like trailer trash ghetto speak like he uh he snapped out of his character and just

went nuts really yeah i'll send you the video i recorded it that's all it's all yeah rail moose

had no idea what was happening we just told him to go talk to this guy like he comes into chat

he's like what the hell we're invoking his name yeah poor guy we're doing so much great advertising

for him hello yeah is that diane yes hi diane my name is jake i'm susan husband do i know susan

we live in 152 okay all right you're over there on right correct yeah how are you how are you

I'm fine.

Oh, nice, nice.

I was walking my dog in your area on Parkside.

Okay.

And my dog took a shit on your lawn.

Okay.

So I just wanted to apologize.

What's the etiquette for that?

No, I'm sorry.

Like, do you want me to come clean it?

Okay.

Now this is going to start getting weird.

She didn't like shit.

Hey, is that Jim?

Yes.

Hey, this is Jake.

I was just talking to Diane about my dog.

You took a shit on your lawn.

I'm apologizing for that.

I wasn't sure what the etiquette should be for that.

Normally it's duck by whoever rolls the dog.

Well, that didn't happen this time, all right?

Say again?

And don't get nasty with me about it.

What are you talking about?

I hear your little attitude over there.

Don't you get nasty with me.

My dog had to take a shit.

That's just what happens, okay?

Okay, yeah, I mean, fine.

No, I'll come shit in your yard.

No, well, my wife is the one who shit in your yard.

Who are you?

My name's Jake.

I live on *** Drive.

Jake who?

Jake ***.

Jake ***?

Yeah, and I took a shit.

My wife and I both took a shit on your property, and then my dog took a shit.

We all, like, I saw my dog taking a shit, and my wife was like, ooh, yeah, that'd feel really good to do right now.

And I said, how about we just do it?

You know, we just started shitting right there.

Well, good.

That's good.

I needed the fertilizer anyway, Jake.

I appreciate it.

Yeah, well, no, but then I dumped a bunch of acid on the ground, too.

Well, that's okay.

Acid's good for the soil if it's alkaline-based.

No, it's not.

It's not.

Yes, it is.

No, it's...

I'm a horticulturist, I know.

Acid's good for the soil.

Okay, well, excuse me.

I work for Orkin, and I know the stuff that I put down on there is going to kill your lawn.

Well, good.

That's fine.

All right, you son of a bitch, and don't get nasty with me.

We've been drinking here tonight, and we decided to go take a shit in New York property, because we don't like you.

Well, that's fine. A lot of people don't like me.

You have a lot of shitty Christmas decorations, and I think it's a piece of shit.

A lot of Christmas decorations. It's not Christmas, man.

Yeah, but when you put them on, it's always a shit show.

What do I put out?

It's just, like, really crappy white colors and the strings and all that stuff.

I don't put anything outside, man.

Oh, you don't?

No, I don't.

Why not, asshole?

I have you on a list of asshole people.

Well, that's good, that's good.

That are being watched.

I need to be on somebody's list.

We got our eye on you at the council.

Well, good.

I need somebody to have their eye on me.

Okay, well, we want you to get out.

Get out where?

We want you to move out of the area, out of the home, the HOA.

You want to buy my house?

No, we're going to kick you out, boy.

We're going to start burning crosses in your front lawn.

Okay, do that.

All right, motherfucker.

I'll bust it right off.

I'm coming out on the porch right now.

I'm going to sit on the steps, and I'm going to wait for you.

You're going to jack off.

No, I'm going to wait for you to put a cross in the yard.

You're going to touch your dick, probably.

You're going to be so like, oh, fire.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you don't put anything for Christmas.

What are you?

Are you Jehovah's Witnesses?

No, sir.

What are you?

I'm a Christian.

What are you, Muslim?

No, I'm not a Muslim.

Why would I be a Muslim?

Hey, stupid, why would I be a Muslim

them if i'm upset at the fact that you're putting out no christmas decorations and b why would i

say we've been drinking and i'm a muslim muslims don't drink you're pretty stupid i know i'm stupid

yeah you're the white trash family of the area yeah i am all right well go get bent okay no why

why don't you get bent by your wife and have her put a fist up your asshole then i'll have my way

with her so yeah then i'm gonna have my way with her i'm gonna kiss her you are i'm gonna kiss her

all over her body make her feel real good like a real good woman like a real woman you understand

me i understand everything you're saying man all right so get your get your wife all ready for sexy

time sexy time with the wife all right all right man all right and we and you're my brother all

right i love that you're here i love that you're here hey do you uh do you get along with your

other neighbors again do you know joel and kevin joel and kevin who yeah i know kevin he he did

did all of the uh uh the arch work uh for uh for my house when i built it oh yeah did he he did

you like i'm giving him a call all right all right don't go anywhere he needs to talk to you

he said he wanted to talk to you all right so don't go anywhere all right sorry you have reached

a number that has been he doesn't pay his number he doesn't pay his bills apparently who else do

you like who else do you like that lives out here oh i like everybody that lives out here oh okay

Okay, all right.

Look, hey, I'm going to let you go, okay?

Bye.

No, I don't want you to let me go.

Why not?

Because I want you to keep talking because you're just making my night.

Okay, all right.

What are you wearing?

Oh, man, don't go there.

Come on, what are you wearing?

What are you wearing?

I'm wearing what?

What is it, underwear?

I'm wearing sports.

Are you going to pork your wife tonight?

Hello?

Hey, is that Carl?

Yeah.

Hey, Carl, how you doing, buddy?

Okay, who's this?

is oh hey i'm one of your neighbors what's the street uh around the way yeah you know me i'm

i'm jim no i'm jim i'm jim i'll live on 105 drive no you're wrong no i am there's no you're not

there's 105 is across there's a drunk man there's a drunk man here uh i don't know if you can hear

him and he's been masturbating inside my house and i called and he said that you sent them over

over here. He said, Carl sent them over here to masturbate inside my house.

What? Yeah. Why did you know the guy? Why did you do that? All right. Do you know Doug? Yeah.

Next door. Yeah. Yeah. He told me that you come over, you came over to his house to masturbate

and then you sent this man over here to masturbate inside my house. Yeah. Yes, he would.

My name is cross. My name is cross. My name is big cross. Hi, this is Joanne. I can't take your

call right now but if you give me a call back later or leave your number and i will call you

thank you yeah yeah joanne yeah yeah you think okay that i'm having sex with her yeah yeah you

know ever since marilyn left marilyn her ex-wife i don't know yeah well ever since she left i've

been having sex with the wife who's that bitch in the background that bitch woman that you're

talking to nobody i'm not talking no why not the background i heard a lady in the background

Hi, this is Joanne.

I can't take your call right now, but it's...

Yeah.

Joanne's really sexy, you know?

Yeah, do you know Chuck?

No.

Oh, shit.

Who else do you know around there?

What?

Well, I mean, I live on a different part of...

I live on a different part of...

You know?

Do you know Danny and Heather?

I don't...

At some point, I didn't realize who was who, but I was...

I'm just trying to start shit between neighbors here.

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice message.

Hey, horse.

What?

Can I play you a short clip?

Let this one, that young man, snap last night, sir.

Yes, sir.

Go ahead.

Oh, thank you, sir.

He's a committed motherfucker.

Give this man some sleep, Papa Melatonin and his fucking juicy popper.

Okay, hold up.

One second, my fam.

I want you to look at this camera right now.

Bruh, I have fucking insomnia.

My ass will sit in front of this goddamn camera all motherfucking day, every day.

If I got to, if it does what I got to do to get my ass on the front page of Twitch,

my ass will sit right the fuck here doing what the fuck I got to do,

entertaining the people that i love that are my friends then that enjoy sitting here looking at

my ugly ass listening to the stupid shit that i say bro so i'ma do me bro so if this is a troll

let it be a troll and this ain't sleep deprivation now this is real nigga shit for real real like

this is this is real so if you're gonna if you're gonna be about it be about it if you

know all due respect bro i appreciate it but i'm to the point right now that y'all got me so

mentally fucked i don't know who to believe all right i'm trying to just do me man have some

respect if you're a real streamer dude have some respect you you you tripping me up right now

like i can't even i can't even be in character right now i just want to point out that he's

white right now so like he's the whitest of white sure doesn't talk like it yeah no he doesn't

even he's white he's white as fuck dude pasty white here's another attempt at uh neighbor drama

You're sorry. You have reached a number that has...

God damn it.

Damn it.

Hope you're all enjoying the show.

Everyone listening, participating.

Again, if you need to be away from your internet provider,

internet connection, but you can get a good telephone connection going,

whether that's mobile or not,

dial 1-605-475-0097.

605-475-0097.

There.

Still participate.

Listen to the show.

with just like a two second delay time being i'm joined with axpa xyz for xyz show and

dwight mcclanahan is here also elmeria might be here too oh yes oh yeah your grandma yeah put her

on let me see how i can find her i love her fanny stories here we go 100 and 105 that might be close

Close enough.

You do, Alyssa.

I was going to talk to you.

How was that fanning of yours?

I said, more sense.

And?

Women's fanning, more sense.

The person you have dialed can't take your call now.

That's fine.

I've got a different one to try right next door.

Hey, is that Gail?

Yes.

Gail, hey, my name is Cross.

I live on P*** Drive.

I'm here with you.

Do you know Don and Shin?

Yes.

Well, I don't know.

I'm not sure of their address.

Well, you know who I'm talking about, right?

Yes.

They were over here at my place just a few minutes ago,

and they said some really nasty things about you and Jim.

Okay.

They said that Jim and Gail that live on number 108,

that they said that they catch you guys outside naked having sex all the time.

What is your name?

My name is Cross.

And where do you live?

I'm a nephew.

Nephew... I'm a live at 103. I'm a nephew of Dave...

Just a minute, please.

Okay. Hey, Jim.

Yes.

Hey, my name is Cross. I'm a nephew of Dave. Is that number 103?

Yeah.

All right, so Don and Shin, you know them? They live on number 103?

Yes.

We're next-door neighbors, and they were down here, and they just left,

and they said some really disgusting things about you and Gail.

they said that um they see you guys uh doing cocaine and that you guys have sex outside

that you were doing oral sex to your wife and she was doing oral sex to you inside the car

kidding no they said that you guys were doing oral sex to each other and that um you were doing

like drugs like hard drugs they said i don't know if this car came they said the hard drugs

they said i mean do you know these guys because they're just they were over here you know i mean

I mean, I know them tangentially, you know, not really.

I mean, do you guys really have sex outside like that?

Why would...

Right.

And you're at 103?

Yeah, yeah.

You know, I don't want to have to go outside and see that, you know?

That she's, your wife is going, giving you the oral sex and you're giving her the oral sex, you know?

And your name again, please?

Cross, Cross.

And you are?

I'm Dave's cousin.

No, nephew.

Dave's nephew.

And are you at his house right now?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, I was masked.

May I speak with Dave?

No, no, because I don't want him to know that I've been smoking marijuana inside the room,

and he would end up coming in here, and he would smell it, and I'd get in a lot of trouble.

He'd have to send me back to my mom, you know?

Yeah, I tell you, I think you better call the police then.

That's what I would recommend.

Over you having sex with your wife?

Yeah, I think you should call the police.

If you don't, I will.

Why?

No, I don't want you to get in trouble.

This is an unwanted call.

I'll tell you that right now.

I don't want you to get in trouble.

So you are having sex outside the house for everyone to see in the car.

And again, your name is Cross, correct?

Yeah.

Okay, expect to hear the sheriff.

I won't even hear shit.

No, no.

See, what happened is you accused him of it.

You know, it was right.

Now he's upset that he's accused.

You're slashing out.

Tom and Chip, we're just here to talk about this shit.

I know them colloquially.

Colloquially?

What does colloquially mean?

Passive?

Yeah.

We're trying to reverse switch swash.

Sim snap.

See if Don and Shin pick up.

Number's busy.

I think so.

I think these last people called him.

Did you really go over?

i'll see if my uncle picks up i suppose i don't hello dave how you doing i'm uh giving you a call

uh do you know don and shiva you know they live out down there on 105 next uh i've talked to don

once in a while yeah um he was over here saying some really nasty stuff about you guys oh my name

is cross i just kind of moved in here i'm a nephew of jim and gail across across the way

i'm number 108 you know them uh no all right so we're we're kind of across the street like

going forward down uh dave uh don and shin were over here and then they were talking about how

i guess they saw you and your wife having sex uh outside they said that your wife and you were

doing hard drugs and you were smoking marijuana and that uh in the car and i guess she was giving

you oral sex while you were fingering her from behind and they saw it everything they said in

the car yeah yeah well that's all made up oh you don't do that no i no oh because i wanted to come

over i thought maybe you guys would swing maybe i could come over and you know ride the train

a little bit no no you don't want me to ride a train a little bit when you want to come over here

my uncle jim is over here now and he's kind of horny you know

Hey, y'all, but you lose number.

No, you're right across the street.

I'll come over with it right now.

All right.

Lose the number.

Talking sex here on Madhouse Radio.

Is that all we're good at?

Mm-hmm.

Can't wait.

No.

We're not good at it, but we're good at talking.

Listen to Japanese music.

Fuck that.

Vaporwave mix.

Let's get all Japanese-y.

Yeah, okay.

Let's see if we can get some full.

More full.

Boys make some full.

He's a motherfucker.

He doesn't need that stuff.

Wait, I don't want bologna.

I don't want this.

Gingergrass Silver Lake, this is Sammy.

Hey, do you guys have full?

Do we have what?

Full.

Full?

Yeah, we do.

Okay, I want a full, goddammit.

You want a full?

What kind of full do you want?

I want a hot full with water.

Hot water.

With hot water?

Yeah.

And like a little bit of bean sprout.

Bean sprout.

A little bit of...

The grass.

Lemongrass.

Okay, we can whip that up for you.

Okay, then put some...

put some noodles in there yeah okay and then put some ants and gummy bears in it okay all right

all right yeah yeah yeah yeah cool and then dump it ready in 20 dump it up yeah dump it over your

head you fucking bitch oh asshole you thought i was happy you think i was happy i'm not a happy

guy i'm not a happy joking around guy what's that i'm not a happy joking around guy i'm an asshole

hole yeah we can tell yeah all right so great go make that food all right make yourself useful make

that food motherfucker okay what's your problem what do you mean i had a bad experience over there

okay can you can you explain what it was well i mean there was a fly in the soup oh my gosh

but was this recent yeah a couple months ago okay well i would i would consult the internet

and i you can leave a what do you mean consult the internet what's that do i want new soup i

I want my new suit now.

Okay, well, next time you can come in in person and you can tell us the problem that you have.

No, I want you to tell me for sure that I'm going to have a new suit.

I want a new suit, I said.

Hello?

Hi, hey, how are you?

Hello?

How are you?

Hi.

Okay.

Okay, are you Vietnamese?

Are you Vietnamese?

What?

Okay.

What are you doing?

Okay.

All right.

All right, then.

Okay, then.

How did that happen?

Hello?

yeah hey this your place is horrible first off the server seemed overwhelmed and there were only

like three customers there and then when we ordered the waiter took 10 minutes to come and

there was no ice he didn't even ask us if we wanted ice or not so we had to drink lukewarm

water oh dog so yummy yeah then

then the wait for the food took about 25 more minutes, and my mother ordered the vegan curry soup.

And then she got a soup that had chicken in it.

And she's a vegan, and many people are, so servers should specifically listen to these requests.

Because she almost took...

You're reading out of the yoke.

No, no, this really happened.

She almost took a bite of the chicken.

Yeah, and how can I help you right here?

Yeah, well, my mother told the server of this mistake, and he said he'd change it,

and by the time everyone finished their food, the soup wasn't even here, so we just canceled the order.

You're reading off yoke.

No, I'm not.

Can I help you with anything?

Listen, then the check came, and you still charged us for the soup,

but it was discounted he knows his yelp shit it's one of those places where they make a big deal

i gotta know everything about my yelp oh my god let's try the blossom same idea

shit this was in new york city oh shit if you're calling blossom restaurant located at 187 ninth

avenue 21st and 22nd street in the chelsea neighborhood of manhattan we serve organic

Yeah, listen, you guys are, you know, I had a real bad experience there.

What happened?

First of all, you're an overpriced vegetarian place.

The service there was just average.

We ordered the three main entrees, the Moroccan, the rigatoni, the blossom Benedict shit,

which is, you know, in the brunch menu.

and then we also had soy bacon cheeseburger and the moroccan the serving size it says is much

smaller than i expected and it tastes it tasted okay but the rigatoni the serving size was okay

but was really average all right and then just like the creamy pasta that most people can make

at home there was nothing unique i'm sorry that you didn't enjoy your experience yeah and then

And the Benedict was way too salty, like always.

It's like you poured a bag of salts on top of it.

And the cheeseburger was terrible, too.

Not worth the penny that I spent.

And the construction noise nearby was killing me the whole time.

Okay, well, we can't control the construction.

Well, that's bullshit, and you need to make some changes over there.

I will never go back unless you fix this for me right now.

I want free food right now.

I want free food, I said.

I want it, and I want it, and I want it now, and I want it now.

Okay, we can't control the construction noise.

All right, this show really went to the diarrhea.

Thank you for calling Blossom Restaurant, located at...

Ah, we're fine.

Average, average.

...between 23rd and 22nd Street in the Chelsea neighborhood of Manhattan.

We serve organic, vegan food, and are kosher certified.

To view our menu or to make a reservation, please visit our website...

I don't want a different one.

That was a two-star review, and they weren't really complaining.

A bunch of dicks. Here's a one-star.

Beef noodle?

Yeah, how do you not have any garnish with your foe, you stupid people?

Who is this?

Yeah, my name is Cross, and I had foe, and I didn't get any garnish with it.

Did you always never put...

Yeah, don't order from us again.

Well, listen, I have a complaint.

I have a complaint, you disgusting.

Listen to me.

How is this a...

That's great.

Yeah, you know what?

You got a complaint, then don't order from us.

Yeah, that solves the problem.

Probe solved.

There you go.

That's great.

Hello?

yeah how do you how is this a vietnamese restaurant when you don't provide the bases for

phone no beans sorry no beans no hoisin sauce what'd you say what are you talking i'm talking

what i'm answering okay i've never been to any place that's shut stop talking when i'm talking

quiet well now he's permanently quiet i'll pick up man i can go this is vietnam hot water

Ass water.

Foil is.

This is Vietnam hot water.

He's like, I don't give a shit.

Don't ever come.

Fun, how can I help you?

Yeah, hey, listen, I was in there, and I have a lot of complaints.

This is very bad.

Oh, okay.

It was a very bad time.

That was disgusting.

You're way overrated.

You're not worth it.

Okay.

Like, my hostess are extremely friendly and nice, but the quality of the food was bull crap.

I'm sorry to hear that.

What can I do?

All right, listen, and I make, my family has a tradition of eating full every Sunday after church.

And I love full.

And I take my full very extremely seriously, so don't start with me, okay?

I'm sorry, I don't have time right now.

You have a wonderful day.

No, you need to have time.

If you have a complaint, just go ahead.

Don't be like that.

Come on, I'm sorry.

Have a wonderful day.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Well?

Yes?

Yeah, the first thing I know.

I don't have time for this.

Listen, the first thing, the oxtail fuck, oxtail fuck.

Shut up, dog.

Who will block your number?

Well, I'll make it work anyway.

Motherfucker, I can fix that.

All right, you want to start with me?

Let's do this.

50 minutes left.

Oh, man, I'm not going to make it.

Okay, that's fine.

I can help you.

Yeah, hey, how you doing?

All right, all right.

I'll stop.

Stop, I'll stop.

Leave that guy alone.

That Uber Eats shit is expensive.

I wouldn't ever do that.

Even if they had it where I lived, I wouldn't get that shit.

Thank you for calling Fustigun.

How can I help you?

Oh, hey, you decided to pick up, huh?

Well, we've been busy.

Is there anything I can help you with?

Well, yeah, listen, I got some foo, some foo.

Okay.

Okay, and this is not acceptable.

What's wrong with the food?

Well, listen, when I start seeing bowls of pho go for $12 or more, like, my stomach starts to get a little uneasy, first of all.

Okay.

All right, now, I'm used to getting my bowls of pho down in OC where they go for, like, $7, $8, okay?

And when you start to, like, I know you've got to factor in the location of your place, you know, on Fairfax.

Sure.

You can, you know, I can understand the hefty price, but even then, it's a little ridiculous if you ask me.

Don't you agree?

You know, I'm not, was there anything about the meal that arrived in a condition that you, was unacceptable?

Well, I mean, look, I got there, the restaurant was pretty spacious, lots of tables, you know, and around 6 p.m. and pretty empty, right?

Okay.

Did you pick up a meal, or did you eat in a restaurant?

Yeah, no, yeah, I ate there.

And then 7 p.m., you know, you guys are pretty crowded,

but it was pretty, like, non-Asian for some of the people that were coming in there.

Okay, I'm going to have you talk to my manager,

because I think this is beyond the kind of realm of what I'm able to discuss.

Maybe it is.

Maybe you should put a man on the phone, yeah.

And, hey, your faux fax is garbage.

Okay.

Yeah.

Hi, thank you.

I had the Fofax, and it was garbage.

Okay.

It was diarrhea water.

Okay.

Yeah, first of all, I call that Fofax yet wherever I'm at,

and the guy was really rude about it.

It's Fofax.

And he rolled his eyes at me.

What time did you come in?

I was freaking, it was freaking $13.

And, you know, the broth is pretty lackluster, to be honest with you.

The color was, like, real darker.

darker darker than usual than what i'm used to for faux d'agbiette okay which leads me to think

you don't really clean the beef bones very well when you're making the soup broth aren't you

i don't like our pho it's uh not what you're accustomed to well i like pho and i don't i i

mean obviously you're got the beef bones are dirty you're not they're not clean enough and the broth

comes out real dark and i mean there was like a good amount of meat in my bowl but the beef balls

are terrible they're super soft they're crumble as soon as you take a bite and you barely gave me

any basil in the veggie tray um i mean our customers every time they want extra basil or

sprouts we always give them extra well i would do that if i could speak the language of the people

that work there but what do you mean all of our employees do speak english yeah well broken english

kind of um i'm sorry you know they're not the best english okay yeah they're kind of stupid

People you know dirty people. Okay, sir. I can't talk to you right now. Well, yeah, you can't baby. Come on

You are wearing what are you wearing, baby? I won't make you feel good. I'll make you feel good

You were just trying to defuse the situation, you know by seducing her

yeah some good first of all yeah she pronounced it right

any other ideas because if i can't think of something else i think i'm going to call it

quits and people just have to come back at 10 i think that's what i'm going to do

sorry no i can get you uh some numbers real quick let me look through my list of stuff

give me one second i have like an archive of like the last two years of numbers so

So, hold on.

Right, archive.

New News says UK.

Well, do you have numbers in your new UK that are going to pick up?

Pepito's Takeaway in Dudley has rats in the kitchen.

That's the one you were talking about.

I've heard this.

Called on other shows, too.

Who's going to hit?

You see a bad works in Adderby.

I'm here.

Just scanning.

Here we got some neighborish kind of people.

Hey, is that Rich?

Rich, my name is Cross.

I'm Neil.

Uh-huh.

You're on 112?

You're on 114, right?

Yes, yes.

Yeah, he, um.

We were just, we've been drinking a little bit, and he was telling me that, um, I guess

he sees you and Hannah sometimes naked.

Naked?

Yeah, like doing sex, sex things.

I don't think so.

In the window, he says he's seen you naked.

Like, maybe when you take a shower, he sees you naked.

Now, which side are you talking about?

You know Neil, right?

Huh?

You know Neil?

Neil?

Yeah.

Neil McCall.

One, one, one twelve, or one fourteen.

Yeah.

Nobody lives there right now.

No, well, I mean, he's been staying there, like, no one really knows, but he's been staying there.

Yeah, on that side, there's no windows.

Yeah, but he comes out.

He comes out, and he walks around, and he said he could see you guys in your windows sometimes,

like, I guess, walking around in the mornings and stuff when you're getting ready,

naked with your clothes off still, or changing clothes, and he sees Hannah's breasts, he said.

I think that would be hard.

She's got her things down all the time.

Well, he goes right up to it.

He can see through.

He says he looks in there and he sees her breasts and her vagina and all that and her butts.

I don't see.

He sees her touching her private parts, he said.

No, I think.

Her nice breasts.

I think he's.

Yeah, I don't see how that could be.

What, you mean she doesn't touch herself down there?

Well, I think maybe you're calling the wrong person or something.

No, no, Hannah.

I know Hannah Marshall and Rich Stavisky.

No, I just don't.

I got an email from Hannah.

She sent me an email from aol.com.

Is it?

And what's your name?

My name is Cross.

I'm Neil F.

You have a f***ing message here?

I guess there's people next door.

And she sent pictures that had, like, her sexual organs in them.

like she's like hey neil look at my sexual parts like that no i think i want to see them okay i

want to see her sexually no i think you're uh a little bit crazy and if we get a call from you

again we'll be calling the anderson police department i want to see hi in a sexual organ

yeah creepy creepo that's not creepy that's normal normal stuff hey you're just getting

getting people ready for dwight show to get them in the right state of mind yeah yeah that's true

they will the juice is flowing that is how it goes that disgusting show white leave the call

to get ready yeah i think he's getting ready usually it's like an hour to menstruate i mean

meditate uh we could call back on them arby's burgers right i have the underutilized expo

and uh xyz oh yeah yeah definitely i love i love calling rbs they're the best they place custom

orders for me all the time do they really oh yeah i asked them to take off the take the bun out and

the uh meat and everything because i'm allergic to it and eventually we have nothing and i just

ask them for the bag here you go there we go here's this one on sunset boulevard where the

hookers are it's busy they must be all going crazy for venison shut up dog you can't get in here

just come in bite and bark and bite me stupid puppy for those of you not in the know i got a

puppy machine a basset hound named homer he is 11 weeks old and he bites a lot how did you get in

here hey how'd you get in here how the fuck did he get in here oh he's smart

He gets me worried, man, because the other day, yesterday, I was on the ground, you know,

kind of hanging out with him, and he had a pointy screwdriver, a screw, a pointy screw.

What if he would have swallowed that?

He does everything on his own.

This is yours, X, Y, Z, Arby.

All right, awesome.

Hi, this is Arby's of England, unit 329.

We are located at 930

Wow, you're really busy

Okay

This is the beach

Thank you for calling Arby's

Hey, God bless you man, how you doing?

I'm trying to get an order for one of those

Venison burger, or not burgers

Sandwiches, right?

It sold out

What the fuck, are you kidding me?

It sold out this morning

Oh my god, dude, I read on Reddit just now

I was on the subreddit, the Arby's subreddit

And they were telling me about it

come on you gotta have one more can you look please oh dude it sold out no uh this is this

isn't fair that's not fair how am i supposed to get it a lot of arby's how am i supposed to get

i want to go to your arby's to get it why is that why don't you have any because it sold out it was

really popular right away this is ridiculous this is ridiculous you know what's your name

i want your name hold on hey yeah yeah what's your name what's your name what trevor trevor

Trevor, all right, Trevor, you're going to be held personally responsible here, okay?

Okay.

All right, now I know your name, okay?

So you need to get me one of these sandwiches, okay?

We don't have any.

You need to find, you got, there has to be one left.

I want you to go look right now.

Go look in the back room in the freezer and everything and go check.

I'm sorry, sir, we don't have any more sandwiches.

This is ridiculous.

I mean, I'm just dumbfounded right now.

Now, in fact, I'm going to get I'm going to conference in my lawyer on the phone cross and everything.

And we're going to have a discussion here because it says in the advertisement, you know, available today only.

And it's still today and it's not available.

And that's that's a direct.

I don't have any more.

I don't know.

Nothing I can do to help you.

I'm sorry.

No, you lied in your advertisement.

Then you lied.

We didn't make the ads.

Corporate made the ads.

There's nothing.

Yeah, you, Trevor, personally lied to me.

We don't have any more sandwiches.

I'm sorry.

Goodbye.

This is ridiculous.

Ridiculous.

Oh, my gosh.

Wow, they're popular over there on the West Coast, aren't they?

They sure are.

Actually surprising.

Yeah, I'm surprised, too.

Some of these say they're closed already, even on the West Coast.

It's 630 on a Saturday.

Okay.

How about we call San Francisco with its pearly gates?

Axpo, you want to do one, sir?

Oh, sure.

Yeah.

Yeah, Axpo should do one.

and make a harassing phone call.

Yeah, yeah.

Facts, we're good.

Trying a different one.

This one's real close to where Milkman lives.

Yeah, yeah.

Has an 800 number.

I'm not calling that.

Arby's has 800 numbers.

Jeez.

Different one.

Expo still has it.

It's further up.

North of the West Coast here.

Sure, Seattle.

Why not?

Arby's in all of Seattle.

Sure, they got a run on them.

Ooh, yeah.

Not a good sign.

Arby's on Rock, Fraser Lake, May.

This is Randy.

How can I help you?

Hey, how you doing there, Tuts?

i see you got the you got the venison burgers that's starting tonight yeah venison you got

that tonight all right how many can i get two per person all right well i'm big big black guy i'm

like three people so i can get six all right no yeah yeah i gotta feed each one of my stomachs

you know okay but i'm only allowed to get two per person they don't care all right i identify as

three people so i'll be in there i'll come and get my six burgers the venisons where did venisons

come from here a deer yeah the ones out in the desert there yeah you ever see a

deer in the desert yeah exactly where they come from that is not a deer in the

desert visit it visit does it with deer the name of it so well after they pray

where the seeds from where they get the seeds from the reindeer seeds right from

all Santa over there up in the North Pole I'm joshing with your kid listen

Listen, I'll be over there, get my six burgers for my three identified peoples, and I'll see you there in a little while, right, man?

I already could get you two.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You'll give one to each one of my boys here, and I'll come through, drive through again, and we'll get the other ones.

It'll all be good.

On the car, then, yeah, I'll give you two.

Yeah, all right, all right, yeah.

You'll see, you'll see.

You'll see my three heads, too, yeah.

No, just one.

Yeah, I'll show you my downstairs head if you want to see.

Yeah, gotta get me some of that reindeer meat

Okay, anything else, sir?

Nah, that's it, man

You've been a treat

Have a nice day

Yeah, you too, baby

Just quick to hang up

Yeah, try to keep him on

There you go

What's up, baby?

Hey, how you doing there, baby?

How soon can I go up here?

Whenever, whenever, man

I go live in like 20

Calling at Arby's, Nenel speaking

May I help you?

Hey, honey, how are you?

Are you Mexican?

No, I'm not a Mexican

Oh, thank God

Okay, I was calling because of the Verizon burger you got there, the Verizon.

The Benison?

Yeah, we don't have it.

We have it right now.

You don't have it or you do?

Yeah, we have it.

How many you got left?

Let me check.

Why?

How many are you going to buy?

As many as I can.

We still have enough.

If you want 20, we still have enough 20.

Yeah, can I buy all 20?

Seriously?

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay, because you're only supposed to sell two per person, but I want all 20.

It is fine.

Did you try it?

Did you try to eat it?

No, I never tried it.

Why not?

I don't eat this meat.

No?

What kind of meat do you like?

You're going to buy to buy it.

What kind of the meat that you like there?

The one that comes from the man?

Oh, I don't eat meat much, though.

Mostly I like the chicken and pork.

Chicken and pork?

Yeah?

Yeah.

Okay.

Are you Asian?

You sound Vietnamese.

I am.

Are you Vietnamese?

Yeah, I am Asian.

Are you Vietnamese, I say?

No, I'm a Filipina.

Oh, that was my next guess.

Hey, do you know what Peck Peck is?

Oh, my God.

I like Peck Peck.

Sir, can you be a professional today?

Are you going to buy or not?

I love Peck Peck.

It's so good.

Okay, have a good day, okay?

Thank you.

Okay, bye.

She knows.

She is excited as hell to get rid of those venison burgers.

Yeah, she was like, oh, wow, you will?

Great.

Oh, great.

Yes.

Really?

You just want to throw those all out.

I want to get them the fuck out of here.

This is the first time I've had a Filipino actually understand what peck peck means.

Because if that's Filipino people, like, no, I've never heard of that.

She knows.

Cool.

Peck peck.

Good times.

Yeah.

So I'm going to wrap it up then, guys.

I think I did my job.

Everyone's just going to have to stick around for 20 minutes to hear some of that Dwight

McClanahan sauce.

How about that?

Right?

Yeah.

yeah all right well i want uh everyone stay tuned for that expa xyz clay dwight thanks for joining

me tonight i appreciate it you're very welcome mr carlito oh yeah no problem you boys have a good

night and you're out of here too well quick real quick oh well you know all the things you can do

madhouse live.com where you can subscribe to the podcast tune in radio is now streaming again as

as well as ShoutCast, 605-475-0097.

And 605-475-0097.

And listen to the show 24-7, 365.

Discord.gg slash pranks for chatting.

Discord.gg slash pranks.

It's the hijink server.

Be sure to check out Calls of Mass Confusion on YouTube.

C-O-M-C, C-O-M-C, C-O-M-C.

Calls of Mass Confusion on YouTube.

to house on twitter that's my uh to follow me follow house on twitter facebook and also be

sure to check out patreon.com slash madhouse where you can donate and help support this show

and keep it running okay see you guys next time

Calls (34, 1 h 29 min of 2 h 34 min)

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