Horse Resurrection (Pranksgiving 2017)

You use like pussy so sorry you don't have to marry just whack off at home. I'm sorry. Did you just call me, honey?

Piss off.

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

Everybody's happy except you.

I'm happy, Frank.

You happy?

Really?

Well, maybe I'm the one with the problem.

Yeah, go on, get it.

I got a problem because I don't understand why you got to take something that's perfectly good and mess it up.

See, brand name.

Brand name means you.

Shut up, man.

Shut the fuck up.

Go ahead, Frank.

I'm sorry about that bullshit.

Blue Magic.

That's a brand name.

Like Pepsi.

That's a brand name.

I stand behind it.

I guarantee it.

They know that even if they don't know me any more than they know the the chairman of General Mills

What I'm talking about is when you chop my dope down the one two three four five percent

And then you call it blue magic that is trademark infringement. You understand what I'm saying?

I'll do respect Frank if I buy something I own it. No that ain't true. That ain't a car

No one painted a pink. Yeah, but you don't have to this is what I'm saying to you

You don't have to it's good enough the way it is

You can make enough money off it the way it is just by calling it blue magic

Anything more than that is greed, son.

What do you want, Frank?

You want me to change the name on it?

I would have to insist that you change the name.

Fine by me, Frank.

I'll call it Red Magic.

There you go.

Even though they don't sound as good.

I don't give a fuck what you call it.

Put a choke hole on it, motherfucker.

And call it Blue Dog Shit.

You know what I mean?

I don't care.

Just don't let me catch you doing this again.

Catch me?

Infringement?

Insist?

I don't like these words as much as please.

Thank you.

I'm sorry to bother you, Nicky.

These are better words you use to come to my motherfucking club without an invitation.

Hear me?

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Maybeth of the evening.

And those in attendance and beds watching around live.

Hijo de tu pinche reputa madre maricón cabrón de mierda.

Hey, how you doing there, Big Digger?

Fine.

Fabulous.

Got a problem here.

I accidentally killed a family dog during Thanksgiving dinner.

and i need to bury it quick for the kids find out what happened and the wife finds out what

happened i'm just gonna say that the dog ran away um but i guess i'm supposed to call before i dig

or some stuff like that uh yes you are okay um but this is on my property i do what i want

are you wanting to file a ticket well how deep do i have to go until i hit fiber lines i don't

have that information in the state of wisconsin you're required to call us anytime you break the

soil anytime i break the soil i'm supposed to call you and what do you do you look on a map

would you like to file a ticket well yeah yeah but listen i don't is this anonymous because i

don't want any shit that the dog died all right i fed it the wishbone and it you know sure just

hang on one and i didn't like the fucking dog anyway because it was from my wife's ex-boyfriend

and fuck that guy so fuck the dog basically that's how i feel about it maybe i fed it the

wishbone on purpose i don't know maybe i don't know i've been drinking thanksgiving yeah i kind

of gather that yeah what have you been doing you had nice turkey dinner i'm at work so that'd be

no that's too bad do you have family let me transfer you out and you can do a ticket all

right honey baby mr no friends no family sitting at home sitting at work instead of at home forever

alone machine you want some turkey you come over here i got some turkey you know this is a recorded

line this sign is recorded too so what so what this is a recorded line too sir what's gonna

happen what's gonna happen what do you mean what did i do that was so wrong i am supposed to call

before i dig you came to my house you come to my house i don't like these words that are coming

out of your mouth every alone they're calling diggers hotline this is tom how may i help you

hey how you doing uncle tom what can i do for you today uh okay i'll say it again i accidentally

I accidentally killed a family dog, and I need to bury it quick before the kids find out and the wife finds out.

I see.

I fed it the turkey, and it went...

Like that.

Like I had a seizure.

It was like...

Like that.

Okay.

And so am I really supposed to call before I dig?

This is my property.

And I saw this.

There's this little sign here on my property that says call before I dig, and it has your number.

and it says that I'm required to call before I dig into the soil anywhere?

That sign is correct.

Well, listen, listen, this is my property.

You come to my house without permission,

without saying you're going to give me a call or nothing first?

You come to my house on Thanksgiving?

I don't like the words that come out of your mouth.

I mean, how about, please, sir, may I have your number?

May we look at this for you?

And who owns, I own, how far deep do I own the soil?

What's my domain here?

I cannot answer that question.

You're saying that I only, you know, I only control, like, what, one inch of the soil?

I do not know the answer to that question, sir.

Do I have to call before I dig a little ditch in the yard and take a shit in it and take a piss in it?

That would be required by state law.

Well, no.

No, forget it, then.

No.

I'm going to dig right now.

And I want all those.

What's back here?

You get all these cables out of here.

Put a ticket in to get all the cables out.

And you guys don't have permission.

You're not paying me any money to put stuff through my property.

God damn it.

Sir, I can't do that for you.

God damn it, shit.

You'll have to contact the owner of the line.

You need to shit, God damn it.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, man.

I've been drinking.

It's Thanksgiving.

I've been drinking, and the dog's dead now.

He had a seizure.

He was like...

Like that.

Would you like to file a locate request?

Are you going to come down?

I am not personally going to come out there.

Why not?

I like you.

I like your voice, and I don't want to have to tell this whole story again.

gun how long i gotta wait because like these kids are gonna wake up in the morning and they're gonna

want to like where's the dog where's the dog and i was gonna say he ran away and the motherfucker

you know and listen do you want to like have a go with the dog i mean while it's still warm

you can get it in you know if you want if you come down if you help me out you know sir that's

not appropriate this is a recorded phone call okay good i don't give you permission to record

either i don't give you permission to locate requester no asshole no all right asshole in

In that case, is there anything else I can do?

Asshole.

I'm going to dig all I want back here, too, just to let you know.

You're saying it's some kind of state crime?

I don't give a shit.

I'm doing what I want.

I can't stop you, sir.

Well, I'm putting in a pool.

My own hand-built pool.

How far down should I dig in order to properly dispose of a dog carcass?

I cannot answer that question.

Well, you're the digging line.

Come on.

Come on, man.

Come on.

Help me out.

You've got to fucking help me out, man.

Is there anything else I can do for you today?

No.

Go get bent, all right?

All right.

Thank you for calling Digger's Hotline.

Racist fucking name and fucking store.

Milkman, are you there?

Dude, you know, he sounded like

the cost between Baz and white freaking McClanahan.

What the hell was that, dude?

Hang on, I got some business.

We got inside guys in the company now.

He's got a cousin in there.

I got business.

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

Let's do this.

Echo, Echo, start a timer for 24 hours.

No, do it yourself.

Milkman, why did you talk over that?

I had this whole thing planned.

I was going to let that thing,

some people could hear.

And you had to talk over it, didn't you?

yeah whatever i'm sorry dude i thought i didn't know it was a joke stupid asshole do it anyway

do it again bitch asshole i'm not starting another 24 all right be quiet be quiet be quiet echo

all right this is where you need to be quiet echo how much time remaining you have one time

with about 23 hours and 59 minutes left well that you heard that no wait that's how much time is

left. Motherfucker, you.

Alright, dude. Alright. Sorry, I didn't know

that you think it's going to talk. It's alright.

It's my fault. It's my fault. It's my fault.

My fault. Alright, everybody. It's

Pranksgiving 2017.

Oakman, you excited? What do you have today?

Do you have turkey, ham? Oh, yeah,

everybody. That's right.

Well, time to come back and

take some food and put some food on

your plate and bring some friends

and better yet, bring some enemies.

Hey, man. I'm Hermanito. I'm doing

great. I had a fantastic dinner.

You ain't going to believe this shit, man.

This year, I skipped the ham cook.

Dude, no cooking for me.

The only thing I did was cook sides.

You know what I got, dude?

What?

I went to fucking Kentucky Fried Chicken and got a Cajun Fried Turkey.

They had Cajun Fried Turkey there?

Yeah.

No shit.

I didn't know that.

Fucking righteous, man.

It is nice.

Wow.

All I had to do was fix the sides, man, and my little salad.

You see that?

I am loving it.

Normally, I've got to tell you everything I've said every year.

Yeah.

This year, dude, all I had to do was munch, and I'm just sitting here enjoying it.

Wow.

How about your stuff, bud?

What you guys have good over there?

Dude, we had our roscoe gandules, also known as rice and peas in Jamaica.

We had...

I know corn stew, dude.

I know you do.

That's a famous Puerto Rican meal.

Yeah, we had two, three different kinds of stuffing.

We had a turkey machine.

We had mashed potatoes.

We had sweet potatoes.

We had fresh baked bread that I made.

We had my world-famous spinach dip.

Excuse me.

Shit, I'm trying to remember what else we had.

Dude, we had a ton of food.

We had lima beans.

We had Brussels sprouts that were roasted.

Oh, man, it was a great time.

Yeah, yeah.

It was here at the Carlito compound.

Yeah.

There was a salad I had.

I had made some stuff in.

Salad?

There was no time for salad, Milkman.

ben the mother-in-law was like the mother-in-law was asking us do you want us to bring salad like

what the fuck we want a salad for fuck we don't want to eat no one will see salad for uh thanksgiving

salad for thanksgiving what's that about salad well you know it's like you know in my good in

my habits of good nutrition dude you know even though i don't eat a main course of a salad i i

start with a little bit of salad so i have a little bit of fiber in my system whenever all

that good meat and taters and you know and all the goodies get down there it's got a little

betta fiber down there so yeah i didn't like waste any room dude i only made a mini i got you

took a picture of it a mini salad a mini salad yeah don't waste too much room on that dude but

um you feel better when you do that i understand uh you're going to kfc for your thing you should

have gotten a coleslaw instead of salad i would have that that's my favorite side there okay okay

their coleslaw is always on point i like the coleslaw years ago the turkey was 50 right this

This year, it's $59.95.

If you wanted like a pound of fucking potatoes and a pound of coleslaw and like a bunch of fucking biscuits, it was an extra $20, dude.

I fucking cooked my whole side better than that for like less than $10.

Right.

That's a lot of money.

Is that the whole dinner?

Is that the whole dinner or just the bird?

Bird was $59.

$59.59?

Yes.

$59.95.

How many pounds a turkey machine?

Dude, it's a pretty fucking big one.

I'm going to say probably 10 something.

10 pounds for $60.

Dude, man.

It's pretty big, man.

But it's fried.

It's a fried turkey.

Okay, you got to look at it like this.

Am I going to get, okay, but if you count it at $60, am I going to get six meals out of it?

I'm going to get more than six meals out of it.

A meal at a restaurant, fucking bullshit restaurant, is going to cost you $10 anyway.

anyone i'm gonna have nutritional excellent quality food for my next six meals so the way

i look at it it was a good investment you know a couple years ago i did this i think i don't know

if you remember but i went to safeway and i got the turkey meal uh yes about the price was 80

fucking dollars right right i was like dude i got more than eight meals out of it it's worth

every ten of them yeah yeah because i don't have the money right um all right well let's get to

prank calls we'll get to more of that in a minute let's do another prank call then

and I'm going to go ahead and lay down what the load

that is for pranksgiving real quick and give it our

normal shit.

Dude, yeah, we got a lot of people tuned in. We have

222 people on Mixer,

supposedly. That's it?

That's it. Only 222?

I don't know if it's an error, but it says

222, which is great.

Oh, bullshit, dude. I know it's over

250. Come on. Well, when you add

at shoutcast probably we're at there remember you can listen to us on the go you can dial

605-475-0097 again that's 605-475-0097 that's tonight tomorrow 24 hour prank calls if you're

going to be out doing your christmas shopping your black friday shit um if you're stuck doing

that with the wife or the mom the dad and all that you just want to listen and you're not going

going to be in an area with wi-fi etc you can call that number and get that don't worry about

wasting your data uh shit on on us but there's going to be 24 hours of prank calls so you know

24 hours from now we're going to end things i'll get to the schedule in a little bit be sure to go

to madhouselive.com you can listen on shoutcast there and on the mixer links they're all there

for you all right now let's get a massage therapist job here in fucking where is this

And Guam.

Okay, cool.

Guam.

And a big thank you to Parkman for getting numbers for us.

We're going to have incoming calls coming in tonight.

Thanks, courtesy to the producer from the Dwight McClanahan Show.

Hello.

Hey, honey, baby.

How you doing?

Hi, massage therapy.

This is Liz.

How may I help you?

Hey, Liz.

I see you got a job for massage therapy.

All right.

Good, good.

Do you still have, like, therapists there, though?

I mean...

Yes, we have therapists here.

All right.

Yeah, because I got, like, I...

You know Thanksgiving is, right?

Right. Do you people have that here? Yeah. Well, I had the Thanksgiving.

I went to KFC, you know, on the base and they had for fifty nine dollars.

They had the turkey dinner and everything you can make because, you know, I'm, you know, my wife and family are in the States, you know, they're on the mainland.

So I just wanted to have for myself. And I ate about eight pounds of the 10 pound turkey by myself that they had.

and i'm really really bloated so i was wondering maybe do you step on me will you step on me

do ashiatsu yeah i do one i need to take a shit will help with bloating i need to take a shit

basically i understand that all right so the shih tzu i was thinking that would help out

is there anything you can do around the colon area or my ass cheeks massage will that make me

shit okay will i shit there probably i don't know do you have toilet machine there all right yeah

nice toilet is clean what color okay and i mean this is guam i don't know if they have toilets

here i just got stationed here but do they got toilet the toilets here well you know how you

people are i know how you people are i know that you usually i'm originally oh cool what's up nice

all right so you know how those these people are that live here are from here you know the yellow

people they shit on the they like have holes in the ground they don't use a toilet machine so like

the base has all toilet machines they don't have the shitting hole in the ground but i don't want

to be stuck you know you give me the shit massage i have to take a shit i go to the toilet and it's

like you know i got a squat or something is it do you have a toilet machine is what i'm asking

how does it work like do i sit on the toilet is it white i understand it is a white toilet so

What do I do?

I pull down my, I'm going to pull down my pants and my underwear.

I'm not going to explain how to use a toilet to you.

I have clients here that I need to deal with.

I don't know how it works here.

Okay.

Do I push into the water?

This is a professional massage establishment.

Do I push into the water?

I do therapeutic massage.

Okay, but you're going to let me, you're going to make me shit.

Hopefully.

If not, I'm going to have to probably get like a colonoscopy or something.

Can you reach up there into the, to get the shit out?

No, I'll not do any of that.

Sorry, sir.

I, thank you.

I have a client on the table.

You got a shit?

Oh, that's cool.

If you need to take a shit, it must be nice to be able to have to take a shit.

I can't.

If you'd like to come in and book a massage, I can do that for you.

Okay.

Where does the feces go?

I would assume you would defecate in a toilet.

But in the water?

Does it have water that the feces goes into?

Or does it just go?

Sir, I need to go.

This is not a funny prank call.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, fuck you.

You fucking bitch.

How dare she?

Thank you.

Very nasty.

Does everyone agree with her?

Let's just wrap it up then.

That is not a funny prank call.

I thought it was funny.

Dude, I think she sounded interested, man.

But there was a customer there and she didn't say anything.

I think you ought to call her back in about an hour.

Maybe.

Put it on the big board and maybe we'll do that.

All right.

All right, motherfucker.

All right.

So, everybody, real quick, let's get these, let me get some information out for all the

people regarding what's going on this weekend and how to tune in.

Let's start out with tuning in.

I already gave you the phone number, etc.

If you'd like to chat, prankdose.com is the way to chat.

Prankdose.com.

Over there, you can join the IRC chat room.

You can also hit up discord.gg forward slash pranks.

That's the Discord link.

Milkman, that phone number is 605-475-0097.

You can call that and listen.

Yes.

Very good.

You got it.

Be sure to follow me on Twitter.

madhouse that's at madhouse on twitter rather and facebook madhouse.live again that's madhouse.live

on facebook madhouse on twitter patreon.com forward slash madhouse help support my show machine

uh we just ask if you can a minimum one dollar patreon donation will get you access to that

drop box that's all you got to do one dollar and you'll be able to listen uh you'll be able to get

this show as soon as it's over

when we sign off 4 o'clock

in the morning Eastern Standard Time

and I believe we have it set up so that you'll be

able to get copies of all the other shows

this weekend via that Dropbox

link and I will be watching that

so anyone who makes a donation tonight or

tomorrow during the day I will

get you the instant access as soon as possible

you'll be able to download a copy of the shows

and any other Madhouse show

for that matter after they're

uploaded which happens immediately

immediately after the show signs off the air for that session.

If you want to go up to Horsemember, you can be a $5 donator.

You get all that Dropbox access, as well as to the private Madhouse Discord server,

where I'm in there and some more of the close friends of the Madhouse team

and Commonwealth of Independent Prankers are.

If you just want to chat with me, shoot the shit, send me complaints, suggestions, suck my dick,

you know, show me your tits, whatever you want to do, I do all that there.

uh so milkman i hope you're excited for pranksgiving because i sure as shit am then

i mean fucking pranksgiving right we've been doing this for a few years now we skipped it last year

but i did two shows that totaled about 10 hours all together i think last year uh just because of

the uh the state of the climate of the nation last year we did not do a show uh rather we did not do

the the marathon we used to do this for charity we're not doing it for charity this year although

Although you can donate a little bit over to Dwight.

I do not have the particulars for that.

But Dwight is accepting donations to help him pay for Christmas for his kid and his niece.

I don't know what the particulars are.

But I'm sure I'll be able to get that for you later.

He'll be joining here hopefully around the second half of the show.

And of course the other shows when he goes on for his shift.

He'll probably be giving that out.

That's tomorrow afternoon.

Okay, let's get to the schedule.

Again, 24 hours of live prank calls.

all times eastern you've got uh us here me milkman for the uh first six hours we're going on from now

up until 4 a.m eastern standard time that's 1 p.m pacific uh at that point incredible hours of

entertainment yes that's right and we do a good job usually it's good usually it's a good job

that we do here uh thanksgiving is always fun pranksgiving rather is always fun um it's only

been 12 years we've been doing it yeah i've always done a show on thanksgiving even if it's uh

It hasn't been a marathon thing, but I've always done a show.

Last year's was the one that stunk, and I ended up doing a second show on Black Friday that was good.

Anyway, at 4 a.m., RBCP, Brad Carter himself from Phone Losers, will be in the Snowplow Show.

He'll be doing an episode of Snowplow Show starting at 4 a.m. until 8 a.m. Eastern Standard Time.

That'll be 1 a.m. to 5 a.m. Pacific.

He'll be doing our Graveyard Night Shift.

Jeff, thank you very much.

That's the hardest one to fill usually, but he went ahead and volunteered.

Thank you very much, Brad Carter.

Be sure to listen to him.

After that, we got Dom the Bomb and Strange Life.

They host the Super Foam Brothers show on their Mixler.

They're going to be jumping on Prank Call Nation for the first time.

That's at 5 a.m. Eastern Standard Time, 8 a.m. to 11 a.m.

They're doing a three-hour spot.

but 8 a.m. to 11 a.m. Eastern, 5 a.m. until 8 a.m. Pacific.

Super Foam Brothers, be sure to tune in for that.

Following that, you'll have the XYZ Show.

XYZ, and I believe he has some help from Firmus,

and some others are going to be helping him out.

He'll be doing the late morning to afternoon shift.

He starts at 11 a.m. Eastern and goes for two hours until 1 p.m. Eastern.

That is 8 a.m. until 12, 11, 10.

10 a.m. Pacific Standard Time.

That's the XYZ show.

After that, you've got Dwight McClanahan and Dwight the Janitor Show.

I think that's what he calls it.

1 p.m. until 4 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

He'll be doing a show.

Again, it's a three-hour show from him, 1 p.m. to 4 p.m.

After that, we'll have Matt Hillock and Big Zax.

They're doing a party time show.

That's from 4 p.m. until 8 p.m. Eastern.

that's uh 1 p.m till 5 p.m for all you west coast pacifickers 1 p.m 1 to 5 p.m eastern oh my god

i'm still gonna be 4 to 8 p.m eastern 1 till 5 p.m pacific that's party time with matt and zax

and then we'll wrap it up with a two-hour show that's jayad host of uh well he's jesus in a

a dump truck of course cause of mass confusion which is the uh the united effort that all of

those aforementioned people uh we've all been working on it's a youtube show we've been working

hard on the next season of that and it's going to be a cause of mass confusion show um not

necessarily an art of phone marking show regardless jayad is the former host of the art of phone

marking show and i'll be helping him out we're going to be uh doing a uh two hour show to wrap

wrap things up roughly about 24 hours from now that's uh jihad and uh probably a whole bunch of

other people that'll be a live calls a mass confusion show i believe we have a video

that's going to be available for that kind of like we did two years ago so i'm kind of excited

about that i'm sure he'll might be able to join in uh on our second half so around 3 a.m i around

three no 11 12 1 around uh 1 1 30 a.m we're going to open up uh for uh guests to start joining in

for the first half it'll be just me and milkman here we're trying to stretch things out a little

bit um all right so that's all the uh plugs for pranksgiving and you'll be able to tune in here

on mixler prank call nation on mixler and uh shoutcast should be covering it the aforementioned

phone number that i gave out and uh tune in radio etc uh you know what to do okay okay all right

um let's get some more prank calls yeah buddy

I'm ready

to go. I got my Johnny Walker Black.

I've got my water. I've got my Coke

Zero. In case I need some caffeine, I'm

good to go. I got my

diabetes medication here.

hint hint wink wink nudge nudge uh no dude i can't smoke inside this place you're crazy no

bong no bong no you know a pen i got a pen for my diabetes pen all right you're allowed to vaporize

i put my insulin in and i vaporize it you know it helps us very good i need it for the cataracts

here's yaya for child i don't know i don't know what yaya means what's a yaya yaya for child

let's find out this isn't guam machine hello hi is this the yaya hello yeah i see an ad here in

the pepa for yaya for child yeah what does that mean is that like a babysitter yes that is and

you're looking for one yes all right because i like i'm a like i'm a punisher you know you're

what i punish i punish the child i say oh i don't need to punish no but i say just no don't do that

time out time out time out time you know and i put them in time out i yeah i know i pissed and

shit in their food so that they know they did a bad thing sorry what i shit and piss in the food

so that they know they did a bad thing too you know if you're that's ridiculous yeah and i need

to speak tagalog i can speak that like this like that right yes great call great call everybody

I'm trying to call back.

I doubt she'll pick up.

That was retarded.

Tagalog.

It's not Tagalog.

Tagalog.

I said Tagalog.

Fucking ignorant, dude.

Fucking ignorant spick.

I'm an ignorant spick.

I'm a dirty Puerto Rican, man.

Yo, this Eddie.

Yo, I speak Tagalog, yo.

I love whiskey, man.

Hi, this is Serena.

Sorry, I can't take this is Urena

Her nickname is cake

All right female masseuse he wanted let's do it. Let's get some more feet. Let's get feces massage, man

I got my mom stuffed up from that KFC chicken. I should not have had it. You say was Cajun Cajun turkey

Dude, it's good.

Was it carved already for you, or was it by the pound?

I don't know.

Whole turkey?

No, fuck that. They need to carve it for you for $59 fucking dollars.

Jesus.

I don't want to carve it dry. This place is juicy and ready.

They could carve it for you right there.

I don't know, dude. That's...

You could put juice on it. You put juice.

Carve it, and you throw it in a bag.

You put some juice, and before you eat it, you shake out the bag.

No, it's really pretty dry, dude.

Dude, why...

White people make some dry-ass fucking turkey.

I'll tell you what, man.

The inside's moist.

The outside, where the skin is, is dry and crispy.

Yeah, it's fried.

It's fried.

Fried chicken is delicious, man.

Like, a fried chicken.

Fried turkey is the best turkey I've ever had in my life is fucking fried turkey.

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Yeah, dude.

It's great.

Dude, it's really good.

It tastes like fried turkey, man.

I swear to God.

it's the juiciest turkey

you can get a fried turkey

for 20 more dollars

this is better

you gotta watch out for that Safeway

they're suing Brad Carter

is this janitor machine?

hello?

is this the janitor machine place?

JG Global Service?

do you do janitoring?

yes we do

I need to have my toilet janitorized

as soon as possible

Well, I mean, all right.

So what happened?

You know, Thanksgiving.

I don't know.

Do you people have Thanksgiving here?

I'm on the base.

Are you on Guam?

Yeah, I'm on the base.

Okay.

And I just, I just, shut up for a second.

I just got stationed here, right?

So I got off.

Are you telling me to?

I said, please, though.

Did I say, I'm sorry.

I didn't say please.

Please.

Can I explain?

I mean, I'm bothering you.

I'm sorry.

Okay, go ahead.

All right.

Go ahead.

So, I mean, I just got stationed here.

I don't know how you people operate, you know.

But I was using, I had a pretty big dinner.

I went to Kentucky Fried Chicken on the base, KFC.

And they had a $59 turkey dinner, fried Cajun turkey, fucking shit.

And I ate, it's a 10-pound turkey.

Did you go because I said a bad word?

What's wrong?

Fucking girl.

Jesus Christ.

I'm military.

Obviously, I'm going to curse.

He needs to chill out.

I doubt he'll pick up the phone now.

I had a whole story.

You had to go make talk.

You can't stop your call.

he's like this sounds like it's a lot of shit to clean up i don't want to do it

hello hello yeah yes sir is this a gentleman i was speaking with earlier we seen they got

disconnected i'm sorry about that okay all right so anyway um i was really like i couldn't have a

bowel movement and i went to the massage therapy place and they did a shiatsu massage and it's like

an abdominal thing and it released like i'm telling you it was just like big like it was

like big boulders coming out like they were round you know like they were like gee they were like

the size of grapefruits that were coming out i mean but it must have been this fright it's it's

you know how this these yuguan people have like disgusting things in the water and stuff i think

that's what happened so the toilet is like completely backed up there's feces everywhere

so i need to get that toilet working again because i'm gonna get in trouble with the base commander

Hello. Yes. Hello, sir. Can you put me back on speakerphone? Can we get your number? I don't know. What command are you? What command? I'm in horse machine command. The horse machine. Horse machine command? Yeah. Duty number? Number two. Duty number two. Yeah. It was a number two duty. And what base, sir? What base? Horse machine base. Yes. Horse machine ranch base. Horse machine base.

Horse Machine Ranch Base.

It's HMRC Base.

The HMRC Base.

Okay, can I just get your numbers here and then I can bring this up for my general.

You're located off by the...

Well, I mean, you need to fix the toilet.

This toilet needs to be flushing, you know?

It needs to flush before the base commander gets here to take his own shit.

Okay, can I get the duty numbers?

Duty number's number two.

A duty is a number two.

Okay, I need your correct information.

Okay, so what duty number two...

When you take a shit in the toilet.

You know, when you take a shit in the toilet.

it's a number two okay i think you're just messing around right no you said duty you said

duty i'm asking for the building number that we number two and number two serve i need you to

service number two building number two yeah uh what base is this again horse machine ranch base

all right let me you all right i'm gonna be honest with you i didn't okay is this an anonymous line

like you're not gonna rat me out or anything i just don't like the tone you're using that's all

well it was a lot of heroin bags that i had to flush down the toilet like the mps were knocking

knocking on the door, like, hey, open up there, open up there.

And I threw, like, a ton of heroin bags in the toilet

and a whole bunch of condoms that had heroin inside that I got.

Okay, can I get your number so I can call you back?

Well, I mean, come on.

I mean, I'll give it to you, but are you not going to tell anyone?

Because basically you need to fix the toilet so that it can flush all the way.

That's none of my business, sir.

Well, there's heroin.

It's floating on the heroines floating in the toilet in the room.

You know? You know what I mean?

Well, he's done. I'm done with this idea.

I'm done talking about drugs.

Duty number two.

I'm saying, motherfucker, number two, duty.

I know. I'm trying to figure out where the hell he's from, dude.

What, they got, like, number three or number four?

They got options?

They defecate different.

Those people have different types of defecation.

Is that the one where they got a little hole in the floor

and two little footprints in front of them?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's what Dirty Aaron was explaining.

Dirty Aaron spent some time in China, and he said, yeah, I asked.

He said he'd always go in his hotel, but he said one time he had to take a shit roll bad,

and he went to a public bathroom, and it was the hole in the ground with the two little feet part.

And he said he couldn't do it.

He couldn't commit.

He said he tried.

He said it was too disgusting.

It was too much.

Yeah, it wouldn't come out.

You know how you get piss shy, you know what I mean, when the pee-pee won't come out?

Piss doesn't come out of your little wiener?

You're all squatted fucking down, dude.

Like, you know, they got, like, handholds, you know?

Fuck that.

Whatever.

You're Japanese, and you can probably shit anywhere.

That's why you're saying that.

It's not alien to you.

You Japanese people.

Shit in rice bowls.

Dude, we're talking China, all right?

Good afternoon, Prodeck.

Hey, is this Auto Mechanics?

Yes, it is.

All right.

Cool.

That's good.

Good.

Thank you.

I would like an auto to make...

I need you guys to mechanic my auto.

Okay.

All right.

Is there the...

Can I talk to the man?

The man?

To the man?

The man who fixes the things and makes them go?

Actually, what is going on with the vehicle?

You wouldn't understand.

You're a girl.

You know, you're a female.

I was wondering if there was a man there I could talk to.

Excuse me, sir?

The man.

The man, the man who fixes things.

Can I talk to him?

Because you wouldn't understand.

It would just be a waste of both.

Yeah, there's several men that fixes the vehicle.

Exactly.

But I need to know what the problem is.

Exactly.

And that's the person I need to talk to because I'm just going to have to explain it again

because you're not capable of understanding.

You cannot do this thing.

You cannot work with the car.

So what seems to be the problem?

The car, it doesn't go.

It doesn't go, honey.

The car broken.

Car broken doesn't go.

You know?

Did you go get, are you getting a man?

Ah, shit.

They have a second number.

I'm going to call it.

Why does she have a problem with men?

I don't understand.

Yeah, I don't understand.

What is the problem with men?

I mean, there's nothing wrong with that.

They're half of the world.

Hey, my buddy, have you heard anything from the request from earlier?

From Jen Stewart?

He said he was going to try to make it.

I haven't heard from him.

He said he might wake up early so he would join us in that second part of the show.

Because he's got a five-hour difference, you know.

I think we're going to a fax machine.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

I need to have the car fixed.

Hello?

I need to have a car fixed.

Hello?

Yes, sir.

I need to have the car machine fixed, honey.

Is the man there yet?

Yeah, I can hear you.

Can I give you a number that you can...

Why?

Why can you just not...

Can you transfer me or like...

Hello?

What was...

What's your name?

Yeah, can I give you a number?

Yeah, they're on the line now, honey.

Okay.

They're on the line now.

Hello?

Stupid.

Hello?

God damn it.

Why didn't she want you calling her private number?

What's her...

I don't know.

It's more personal.

more personal service man they're not cooperating they're not cooperating they don't understand

service they do not understand yep it's on the playstation then they may get it oh my god that's

what they ought to do right it's for the playstation game called customer service and

then that way you could like learn how to like you know work with people i understand hello yeah hi

did you give me that number hello yes i'm here right now i'm at the office right now okay

they said to give you a call and you're trying to get your car fixed yeah but um i need i need

to talk to a man you know like okay he's currently not with me right now is there something i can

help you with well i mean why would i tell you you're a woman and you don't know how the car

make the car makes go you know the car doesn't go my car doesn't work car bad bad car bad no go

Car stock

Okay it's best if you leave it there

So they can see your

One moment please

Hurry up

You know what I'm going to do

I'm going to take a shit here

Inside the office

I'm going to take a big shit

My ID is spoof like the office number

So she legitimately thinks I'm inside the office

She can't leave it there

She thinks a crazy guy is in here

And is going to take a shit

Oh my god

I speak Tagalog

milkman hey man tag along cool tag along all right what's next let's see what we got i'm

burning through these man uh we're uh looking at one hour down see how much time we got left

we're gonna we're gonna call it from the time that i set that timer that was the end of that

one call let's see uh how much time remaining bitch echo how much time remaining you have one

timer a 24 hour timer with about 23 hours and 22 minutes left a lot of time left here's another

trick i wanted to show you guys that's why i invited alexa to join us tonight uh what's echo

play madhouse prank call radio on tune in madhouse prank call radio from tune in she thinks a crazy

guy's in there it's gonna take a shit stop you see there you go you can listen on your amazon

device you just have to say it that way that's pretty big it's it's more of a delay than the

phone line has for sure that one's pretty cool all right let's continue here auto mechanic is

off the board we got elderly lady care these are jobs by the way jobs job machines you know how

people love them job machines uh again we're gonna have some incoming calls later on in the show that

i'm excited about that we just gotta wait for uh the producer to check in maybe he or she's waiting

on us no no oh i don't like that we're gonna have to move on that number broken okay yeah i'm doing

doing his numbers now my man we're good we're doing we're doing park man numbers man maybe i

wasn't sure no no i'm talking i'm talking i'm talking about the other guy we're not talking

about park man sir uh exchange student boarding okay you board the exchange student you know

i'm talking about yeah wink wink nudge nudge you stuffer this is an average show so far average

Hello, is that Exchange Student Boarding?

Yes, sir.

Yeah, I'd like to board a female student.

Oh, student?

Yeah, I want to board her.

Excuse me?

I want to board her.

Gary?

Hey, how you doing, Gay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm fine, yeah. How are you?

Good, good. Nice to meet you, Gay.

Yeah, me too, yeah.

Shut up.

What can I do for you?

I want to board a female student.

Oh, a board female student? Okay.

Yeah, I want to introduce her to my customs and how to deflower her.

Oh.

Where's my customers from?

What does that mean, customers?

I mean.

Oh, my customs.

Yes.

Oh, yeah, I'm from Horse Machine Ranch.

Horse Machine Ranch.

Say it again, sorry.

I live on Horse Machine Ranch.

It's on the base.

Oh.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, and then, you know, I want a female, I want to board the female student.

I want to introduce her to how the labia works and how to break the hymen, you know.

and get her ready for when she has a husband yeah yeah uh i well i mean depends how big are their

breasts how big are the breasts you know what do you speak tagalog well what's your language

from china you're chinese or hong kong no you're chinese they don't speak mandarin in hong kong

they speak cantonese all right from the mainland china where are you from shenzhen where are you

from china i'm from taiwan oh you're from taiwan that's not china you know that's not china you

No, you're not. You're Taiwanese. You're not Chinese.

You don't have any claim to it. No, you need to stop saying that.

No, you're not. There's one China. One China policy.

You are not Chinese until you agree to join the one China.

And that's that. That's how it is. You're insurgents.

You were kicked out.

Your people got your asses kicked.

Your people got your asses kicked because you're bad people.

Bad people from Taiwan, the old Chinese government, the old Chinese government, the bullshit government that's in Taiwan, it's bullshit, you know?

Yeah, you are, all you people that left mainland China because you got your asses kicked, because you're capitalists, you know?

All right, so you can give me some nice Taiwanese pussies, what you're saying.

Well, can you say your place again?

Horse Machine Ranch on the base.

On the base?

Yeah.

Is the one close to Anderson?

Sure, that's the one.

The bear gate, right?

The bear gate?

Yeah, the bear gate's there.

Yeah, there's a gate, and the bears are behind it,

and every once in a while we get drunk and let the bears out.

All right, so are you stupid or something?

Say again?

Are you stupid or something?

Right now, we don't have new students coming,

but what we want to do is preparing for that.

All right, well, when you have a student, I want to have her here,

so i want to have her clean the house and cook and do massage and do massage yeah and make chinese

food make general so chicken for me provides to but i make her clean i'm gonna make but she needs

to be cleaning here while she's here and i want her to clean with no clothing on naked naked girl

cleaning with no clothes on naked naked well why not how old are they huh how old yeah that's not

a number that's not a number i was asking for an age do they do they have hair down there

do they have hair down there you know wang badang you know wang badang yeah yeah yeah the grade yeah

pretty much like high school high school yeah okay yeah so they have hair so they can you know

be naked it's fine yeah naked women coming here sing with me naked girl coming here you know sing

Sing that song.

Go ahead.

Thank you.

Not like that.

Yeah.

The vagina.

Can match up our criteria.

Okay.

Yeah.

What way does a Chinese girl's vagina go?

Does it go up and down or left or right?

Say it again?

The vagina.

You know, the sexual organ of the woman.

Does it go up and down or left to right?

You don't know how a vagina goes?

You've never seen one?

No.

Well, you don't know how it goes, a vagina?

It's a technical, it's a medical question.

It's not, you know, sexual or nothing.

I just don't know how you people are.

If you have to learn English, where is it good to go to match up their privacy?

I think that's a big issue.

Most of the students, they may not talk to me because the language they use is different.

Okay, that's very interesting.

Interesting, I'll be fine.

Okay, good.

I'm glad that you're still thinking there might be something to make out of this for me.

Well, there will be no problem.

uh-huh

but we

yeah

we have our

our

area

uh-huh

check it out

you were

you uh

say

I muted him

he's

fucking

you're fucking

pissing me off

yeah

I'm

yeah

he's pissing me off

this guy

I got him muted

because this

we have to do

very very

I muted him

yeah

you need to be careful

alright

you know

watch out buddy

you know

watch out for me

alright look

I gotta let you go

you're really pissing me off

alright

you go

go to hell

alright

You bring shame to your family and to your mother.

Your mother must be very embarrassed of you.

I feel sorry for your mother.

I don't.

Yeah, you bring a lot, much shame to your family.

Okay?

No.

Yes, you do.

Yeah, you do.

You're being shamed.

Shame on you.

No, don't, Kim.

Yeah, you do that, buddy.

What's that?

What?

Hello,

sir.

Yeah, hello.

Hello.

Hi.

Is this AC technician?

AC technician.

So you need to stop calling over here or else I'm going to turn your number into the party.

Is this AC technician?

You called the first time for a toilet bowl.

Now you're calling for an AC.

You're just messing around, sir.

Sorry.

Oh, this is the toilet people?

Hey, are you there, Taiwanese guy?

Yes, yes.

Yeah.

Huh?

We're still here, yes.

Oh, hey, Gary.

Hey, Gary.

Can you just wait with me on the phone, okay, just for a minute?

I gotta make another phone call

But I wanna get to the bottom of this, you know

I wanna get to the

I wanna talk about the girls

And the sex

And their vaginas, okay

Their girls

Yeah, we're gonna talk

We're just

We're working on it

No, no

It's just not

It's not

Right

But it's just natural, you know

You don't think sex is a natural thing

We're sorry

This person is not available right now

Sex is natural

Not the right time

Well, when is the right time?

When is the right time?

The weekend, maybe?

If you're interested, thank you for your call.

I am.

We will go through our procedure.

Okay.

If you're interested.

All right.

Do the girls, what is it like when they go to the bathroom to do pee-pee?

What is it like?

What does it sound like?

I'm just curious what it sounds like.

Does it sound like this right here?

I don't feel.

It sounds like this.

Okay.

You know?

I don't feel anything, sir.

Oh, well, that was yesterday.

That was yesterday.

Yes.

This is what it sounds like when their girls go pee-pee, you know?

Thank you very, very much.

We're sorry.

This person is...

Bye.

Bye, Gary.

The pissing guy, Gary.

Ended up being the pissing.

Oh, man.

At least I got to keep him on the line.

Wait a minute.

Hold on, hold on.

What was that?

What?

It was...

It's for sponsoring exchange students.

So these motherfuckers actually fucking will get a high school kid from another country

and put him in with a freak job like he is.

He kept saying, if you're interested, we'll make it happen.

He said, we'll make it happen.

I heard him.

He said, we'll make it happen.

What's the desperation there?

He's got to go through our procedure.

Did you hear what he said?

Yeah, obviously some perverted freak.

And he still wanted to go.

He said, well, if you're interested, you know.

Dude, these motherfuckers are pimping the little fucking high schoolies.

I know it.

From the other country.

Yeah, I know.

He can't talk about it.

It's just like if I called a massage place down.

I'd ask them, hey, you guys jerk me off?

And they're going to say, no, no, cannot talk.

Dude, he said it enough.

He said, I can't say that.

Yeah.

You hear what he said?

Like, one more time, I can't say that.

Yeah.

So he said, I can't say that on the phone.

Yeah, right?

He's bringing those poor girls over with their little vaginas and stuff.

Shit.

Oh, my God.

What the fuck?

Yeah.

What the fuck did you start with?

Yep.

You're clocking horrible shit right there.

Goddamn, man.

The pissing one, he goes...

When I said...

What does it sound like when they're pissing?

He's like, look, you freak.

I don't want to hear your shit.

We're done.

Give all these demonstrations what you want to do.

Don't clock it around with the guy.

He didn't even fucking bat an eye, dude.

He kept telling me, if you're interested, go to our first teacher.

I'm getting a lot of people answering now.

And that really makes me angry.

yeah he just he was gay he's like whatever sure well if you're still interested

i know i know man i know exactly what's going on it's insane he was yeah anyway uh what are

we at here it's 11 14 we're about an hour and a quarter in right now yeah uh i don't know

you think he's really just pimping him out you really think that's the whole thing

He didn't get as upset as I thought.

He didn't like the fact that I was bringing up the whole

Taiwanese, you're not China thing

and the one China policy.

He was kind of like, ah.

That's a Chiang Kai-shek. I want to see if he...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chiang Kai-shek.

That's historical.

That goes back to...

Alright, well let's get to the

next one then.

Let's see here.

Let's find another company out there.

We got a purchasing and receiving clerk

Let's do it

Alright

I'm not used to doing job calls this late at night

This is great, thanks Parkman

Good work dude

We have several people who donated on Patreon

I want to thank you guys

I'll give you guys a shout out in a minute

Yeah

Yeah, hey how you doing baby

Hey, my name is Cross

I see you got a purchasing and receiving clerk job

Yeah, Carl, that's it

yeah okay i guess there's a carl in receiving let's find out pretty receptive to that hey baby

yep oh boy here we are waiting you know pranksgiving i gotta pee so bad i'm supposed

to hold it for another hour 45 minutes fuck that i'm gonna have to play a prank and take a peepee

we can play some bruno that was a thanksgiving thing bruno right madhouse and uh the madhouse

back before it was

Pranksgiving. It was the Madhouse

Thanksgiving specials.

And our big Bruno. Oh my god.

Waiting for big fat Carl.

I'm going to move on this. I'm going to move on this.

We're going to listen to... I've got to go urinate

and get some more ice

for my whiskey here, for my scotch.

So I'm going to play a little bit of that.

Milkman, you hang on, buddy.

I'll be right. Give me a few minutes.

I'm going to take care of the

urination. Hey, stupid.

How you doing? Good.

good let's talk about my reservations and you people screwed up for the third time again you

monkey excuse me you monkey you people ruined my reservations all over again you took a big

shit you and a bowl and you microwaved it and you stirred it to me with a fucking fork who you think

i am huh excuse me uh could you explain me what's going on because i don't understand this is the

hotel in france is it not yes you don't tell me your name your reservation on what's going on i

I cannot send to you or I cannot...

Listen, jerk.

My name is Valente.

You write that down because I'm not going to start repeating it four or five times.

Valente, you got that?

Monkey!

Sir, will you pay me now?

Okay, I will.

I'll stop.

I will no longer...

Well, for now.

For now.

Just explain to me what's going on, sir.

You monkeys ruined my reservation machine again, and I don't have spaces.

I want my spaces back.

Right now, we want more refrigerator, and I want...

Reservation machine?

What's a reservation machine, sir?

Did you make a reservation to the hotel?

Yes, I did.

The reservation machine.

I had a confirmation machine.

Reservation for spaces.

How many spaces?

For spaces.

Look up my...

And you have a computer machine there?

Yes, I do.

Turn it on.

Is it turned on right now?

Do you have to reboot it?

I want it working.

Is it already on?

Is it working?

Test it right now.

Stop calling me a monkey, sir.

Listen, buddy.

Listen, sir.

I haven't called you a monkey since you told me not to call you a monkey.

It's the truth.

Sir, sir, sir, if you have any problems, this is not of my, how do you say, my...

Listen, brother.

I mean, I'm just working here, so if you don't explain what's going on, I cannot help you.

And if you're insulting me again, I will definitely not help you, sir.

Blame me from the beginning to the end, and I will try to help you, okay?

Okay. All right. I'm sorry.

So, what I need now, I need your name and your reservation, and the date you made the reservation.

His name is Valente.

Okay.

The phone's disconnected. What the fuck?

The Kevin Mutombo.

Hotel Alabama, bonjour.

Listen, but what happened?

Huh?

What happened?

I was talking to you, what happened?

I don't know.

Listen, you hung up on me.

I don't know what happened, sir.

I want your pay.

Sir, I'm trying, I've been trying, as I said, I try to help you.

Okay, but I want to say, first of all, listen to me, sir.

I want to say that I'm sorry that I called you monkey, that I said bad things.

Sir, sir.

I'm sorry.

Please, I just need help, please.

I had a panic attack.

I have your name.

I would need your reservation, sir.

I need to make an explanation.

When was your reservation supposed to be, sir, or something?

Peace.

Peace be on you, please.

Peace.

Okay?

Peace.

Between me and you, let there be peace here.

Dear Lord, I ask you to rain down your presence right now upon myself.

And what's your name?

Sorry?

What is your name, please?

Bruno.

Lord, I ask you that you rain down your patience between myself and Brother Bruno,

that we can both come to an accord and be peaceful as Christian men,

and together resolve this issue without coming to insults and being angry.

In his name, Lord, we praise.

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Okay.

I'm sorry, brother.

Okay.

My name is Valente.

Okay.

When was supposed to be the reservation?

Over a month ago I made it.

Over a month ago.

My stupid wife, and I told her, I said to her,

make the stupid reservation, you get the stupid damn confirmation number,

and the stupid woman, the stupid woman, Bruno, I'm telling you,

I'm not a violent man

But I came so close

To slapping her right in the face

Right in the face

But I didn't do Milkman and Bruno

Because I am not that kind of man

I will never hurt a woman

But son of a bitch Bruno

Sometimes it's women

I need just one thing

Just to understand

You had the reservation for last month

I made it last month

Alright, I'm back, I'm back, I'm back.

Got my ice on here.

And let's continue the show.

Yes, I am.

Alright.

Nail tech.

Well, you gotta be Asian to do that.

Milkman, you should do a reply for this, Joe.

You have to have a gut.

Check for the gut.

You need a background check for a nail gut.

Nail gut.

What about a bump stop?

How are they doing?

Hey, is this the...

You have a job for nail tech?

I'm sorry?

You have a job for a nail technician?

Nail tech?

Yeah, are you getting a job polish?

Well, I see that you have a job for nail tech.

A job.

Hiring.

Oh, one moment.

Stupid.

Luxury nails, may I help you?

What's up?

How you doing?

I see you got a job for nail tech.

Huh?

Hello?

Luxury nails, may I help you?

Yes.

You have a job?

You're hiring a nail tech?

The one inquiring about the position?

Yeah, do I have to sound Asian or something to be taken seriously?

What's going on here?

Are you trying to imply because I'm not Asian,

I don't have an Asian accent that I can't apply for the job?

I'm Asian. I'll have you know. I'm Japanese.

It doesn't matter what your nationality is.

We don't have a problem, but nobody's coming with anything like that.

You know, I think I don't think that that's appropriate.

Well, I don't think it's appropriate that I'm like,

like, hello, nail tech, a job for nail tech,

and everyone's there, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, you know?

Well, yeah, I don't, yeah, it's not probably going to work out for you

because you don't seem serious yourself either.

What do you mean?

What are you trying to say?

Can we get over that?

I'm sorry.

Let's get over it.

Yeah, you should try calling back maybe later when you calm down

because right now it's already.

I've been drinking.

I just want to know if I get to touch the girl's hands and feet.

Yeah, you know what?

Have yourself a great day.

Oh, I will now that I talked to you.

All right.

Yeah, let's call that second number.

What do you say?

Turkey gravy.

Turkey.

Turkey gravy.

Beef and bologna.

Ah, chip man.

We'll be taking a break here in about 30 minutes.

30 minutes until break number one.

You have reached a voice mailbox.

That's nice.

That's convenient.

It doesn't give out the number.

You don't always get that.

That's a help.

Where's that little buddy?

Hello, how are you?

I'd like to make an appointment.

I have the wrong number.

This is Nails?

Do you do Nails?

I think you have the wrong number.

No, you do Nails.

I want to masturbate the hand and the feet, you know?

I'll just turn you on to the cops for sexual harassment.

It doesn't matter.

I'm on the base.

I'm a military guy.

You can't do shit.

The cops can't do shit to me here.

I'm sorry, but you got another thing coming, buddy.

And I know who you are

I'm pretending

Who am I?

Who?

If you want to do all these

Who am I?

Go call somebody else

Who am I?

Or go to the massage partner

Who am I?

Who do you think I am?

Tell me

I command you

Sexual harassment

Ooh

Milkman has sexual harassment

She's gonna fucking call the president on your ass

Motherfucker

Wait man

Fuck do I care

Fuck her

I'm gonna change my caller ID

And spoof her up

See how she likes them apples

Real quick

real quick real quick milkman be quiet for a second milkman be quiet i want to give a thanks

to uh several people who have uh donated to patreon.com forward slash madhouse we got uh

big joe big wasted memory and big liz have all donated especially uh big joe who is a horse now

welcome to the horse welcome to the horse machine big joey all right thanks all three of you for

for supporting Madhouse tonight.

Let me set that caller ID spoofing thing that we do here.

Brought to you by people like those

who donate and support Madhouse Radio Machine.

Ba-bom, ba-bom, ba-bom, ba-bom, ba-bom, ba-bom.

I'm a big, fat German bitch.

Yeah.

Ah, Milkman, how much of that turkey did you eat?

Hello, hi.

It's me.

Hi.

Dude, are you serious, bored, or what?

I'm calling from the other phone.

What's new?

Huh?

What do you want?

I want to masturbate the girl's hands and feet.

Well, you're going to go to fucking PI or some shit.

Well, no, I want to come to you.

Sorry, it don't happen here.

Just whack off at home.

No, no, no.

I don't want to masturbate myself.

I just want to touch the feet and hands, you know, and masturbate those.

I like to touch the feet.

How much did you drink today?

Honestly, I finished a 12-pack of Corona Light.

And where's all your friends?

All my friends?

They're gone.

How do you guys know who I am?

How is it possible?

That's why you're fucking bored, right?

Because you're fucking drunk and you're all alone, so you want to go rafting now, right?

No, no, Milkman's here.

My friend Milkman's here.

Milkman, tell her.

You're here, right?

You're my friend.

I'm here.

Clark left.

See?

What are you doing in that room?

See, I'm not alone, you dumb bitch.

You don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

I'm a dumb bitch?

Yeah, I said that, right?

Your mother's a dumb bitch.

You're deaf also, apparently?

Okay, she got me, Milkman.

She got me.

Yeah, big time.

I deserve that, I guess.

shit dude call yep that's enough for nail text okay but i'll keep their caller id um they are

cool we ought to put them on our call again some other time don't give that number out we got a

photographer one did you catch her name did she ever give her name i don't think she ever did no

i was trying to get the name of i wouldn't have caught her name she was fresh that was the boss

girl was fresh man i like fresh fresh she was raw dude she like once she knew that she wasn't

You want to get in any trouble, man, just fucking let it rip, buddy.

You've seen a lot of shit, man.

Hey, you're all dogs, man.

Yep, yep, yep.

All right, so, jobs in Hawaii now.

We got a photographer wanted.

Photographer wanted.

Yeah.

Let's see if they pick up now.

That's the whole thing.

Let's see if they pick up the phone machine.

that this time

positive contact

over your ass

yeah hey you got

photographer wanted

you got a photographer wanted

alright man only for nudes

only gonna have nudes done

hang on one second

alright nudes only

hang on one second

okay I said

yeah how you doing

this is cross you need to get off speaker phone

I can't hear you

okay jackass can you hear me now yeah now i can thank you anyway fucking milkman over there and

shit yeah hey you got uh jobs for photographers i do i do you do you do all right good good what

can i tell you you want qualifications can it help all right uh i like to tuck myself tightly

under the covers so things can get me i uh cup water in my hands from the shower then dump it

all out like a giant waterfall i like to do that i like things that are universally loved but i

I pretend that you're like a unique side of me.

Like, oh, my God, I love Audrey Hepburn.

If I could be anyone, it would be her.

You know, so sophisticated and classic.

What are you smoking?

Nothing.

I've been drinking.

Okay.

I used the view as button on Facebook with the sole purpose of seeing how my profile looks to my crush.

I strip down to my underwear almost immediately whenever I get home.

Door closes and, bam, I'm naked.

Where do you live?

what part of the island uh i live on papipi road uh you know where ewa beach is oh okay

however that's good you know where papipi road is well let me tell you we photographed the luau

you photographed i have exotic birds and uh erotic birds exotic oh okay we use them as models they

pose with the custom and uh we work from 4 30 to 7 30. we're open seven days a week but we don't

expect you to work seven days a week uh so it's basically a part-time gig starts at 12 bucks an

hour once you get good you can make up to 20 an hour takes about a month to get good

because it's not only photography that we do it's you know the handling of the birds

yeah yeah i'm good go ahead i'm just joking with you man i've been drinking it's uh

It's Halloween

No I mean it's

Pranks

Thanksgiving

Yeah

Every day is Halloween

Yeah

It's going to be Christmas soon

I can't wait

I'm going to show my sexual organs

To people

Alright so

More about this

So these are luau's

Are these tourists

That are going there

Are they haolees

Or kanekas

They're predominantly

Haolees I would say

Fuck

Fuck them

Alright

You got to deal with them

Yeah they suck don't they

Well

Not all of them

Yeah

As a matter of fact

You find that

Most people

pretty decent yeah uh just just for government that sucks you're a big guy am i what you're a

big guy you sound like a big guy the way you were like like that just now a big guy you struggle

when you stand up but you're an old guy how old are you oh how old are you 72 150 oh man you sound

like shit for 50 though oh how long you been how long you've lived here in the island 40 years 30

years since your 20s all right and 40 40 40 40 years okay so you've been here since you're a

a teenager um still a teenager yeah did you run away and like do tricks on the road tricks on the

street for money no do you like girls or boys girls with like big breasts who's doing the

interview here you're me i just like to talk shoot the shit you know you like big i like big breasts

on women don't you like that it's that like big big butts and big how they shaped well brown of

course you know big breasts what what kind of girl you like you tell me yeah it depends the

The words Depends?

I hear you.

Yeah.

You like that piss stuff?

Fuck yeah.

Yeah, Depends.

Yeah.

You like wearing Depends.

I had a girl once

she used to wear Depends.

She was post-menopausal.

And then I would have her

wring it out on top of me.

Let me ask you a question.

Go ahead.

Are you a comedian

or a photographer?

I'm a photographer.

Oh, okay.

Good.

I have a few photography books.

What's your name?

I have a few photography books.

I don't know if you've ever seen them.

What's your name?

My name is Cross.

Cross.

And what do you do now, Cross?

Well, I mean, I'm working as a janitor now, but I used to be an amateur photographer.

Then I was an actual photographer, you know, like a professional one.

I worked at the Disney properties here, the timeshares and stuff.

I would photograph.

But then I got in trouble.

I was taking pictures of women that were bathing and stuff.

But they kicked me off, you know.

They kicked me off the job, and I made a deal so they wouldn't, you know, get at me on that one.

I got away with that one.

I have a few books

I have a few photograph books out there

maybe you've heard of them

Extreme Ironing

also got the Jewish Japanese Sex and Cookbook

and How to Raise Wolves

I also have

and I did the coffee book

named Pets with Tourettes

I don't know if you've ever seen that one

not familiar

look them up

they're best sellers on Amazon

we're not going anywhere with this

I'd like to meet you if you want to come out next week and see what we do.

Yeah, I'd love to get my hands all over you.

And I'll suck your dick if you let me give me a job, you know?

Come on.

I mean, man, you just close your eyes.

I don't use my teeth for nothing.

I'm really good.

I'm told.

And I'll take pictures of you.

I'll take pictures of your dick.

No need.

You ever take a picture of your dick?

By the way, I want you to call me Monday, okay?

Oh, all right.

Oh, I'm sorry to bother you, all right?

All right, I'll see you later.

Yeah.

All right, asshole.

Bye.

Fuck that guy.

Fucking pissing me off, man.

How dare he withhold employment?

You should fire him.

Hey, you reached the end of the video.

Sorry, I can't get to the phone right now.

Bothering these people on Thanksgiving.

This is Hawaii, by the way, so it's still today over there.

It's still the middle of Thanksgiving.

What's it, a six-hour difference?

It's 539.

People are just wrapping up their dinners, or the later ones are starting.

Oh, shit, man.

Oh, my God.

god damn it 11 40 p.m right now and we're in the middle of 24 hours of live prank call shows i'll

be on until 4 a.m eastern 1 p.m 1 a.m pacific what the fuck was that oh it sounded like an alarm

for uh yeah so i'll be on until then and then brad carter will be taking over we're gonna have

some guests here joining us in about in about uh an hour and 20 minutes and i'll also be taking a

breaking about 20 myself let's let's take a look and see how much time is left here hey echo echo

how much time remaining on the timer please one timer a 24 hour timer with about 22 hours and 38

minutes left so much time we got left still till giant and i wrap things up later tomorrow

So be tuned, be tuned.

Remember we used to say be tuned at Prank Call Underground Radio, PCU?

You remember that?

It was a fucking, it was that Lebanese kid.

remember he was really weird what was his name oh my god dtt dtt man that guy fucking oh my god

he was weird dude they fucked him over dude man he was actually a nice guy i knew that guy man

yeah we used to fuck with him a lot though we used to fuck with him a lot though man like i

remember andy would go into chat rooms during zolar show on friday he had his any andy's

entertainment back then on a friday was to log into the pcu irc chat room and fuck with dtt

during zolar's show him and nunu would get together and just fucking roil him up remember he'd say i

have gun i have gun for you i have gun for you i have gun for you yeah yeah shit that guy man

fucking miss that guy what's up dtt if you're out there some people said he uh dex from uh prank uh

What the fuck were they?

Who were they?

Prank You, whatever they were called before that.

They said that that was him.

I don't believe so.

I don't know.

I don't think the ages matched up.

And I talked to them many times, and they didn't sound similar.

What's his real name?

What?

I know his real name.

Okay.

Did he ever go?

Because they lived in the same town.

They were both Lebanese, these guys.

They both had bushy eyebrows.

What was the guy's name?

You tell me the guy's name, and I'll tell you his name.

Well, you tell me that.

I'm not going to say the name on the air.

You can't do that, sir.

No.

I don't know, dude.

I said, I don't know, man.

I mean, I know his name.

If I hear it, I know his name.

All right, all right, all right, buddy.

Take it easy, take it easy.

Hey, you're half Japanese.

We got a job for a Japanese restaurant.

No, dude, they did a dirty trick, man.

No, seriously.

You know what somebody did to him?

Send him a condom.

Use condom.

Thank you.

It happened to me, too.

What's-his-face sent me a used condom a couple years ago.

It was fucking disgusting.

Well, it didn't happen to me, man.

That's some bullshit.

Yeah, I know.

It could have, it could have.

No, I send you used condoms all the time.

I didn't say Echo.

Echo, what's your problem?

Everything seems to be working.

If something looks wrong, you can use the Alexa app to submit feedback.

Shut the fuck up, bitch.

You see the problem with this fucking Alexa shit?

God damn it.

It's always listening, dude.

She said shut the fuck.

She said stop listening.

All right.

Unless I need her to listen.

Japanese restaurant, let's go.

Yeah.

Hello?

Hi, is this Japanese?

Japanese.

Yeah.

Japanese restaurant?

Oh, yes.

Okay.

Uh, when, are you open today?

No, today.

Oh, I see you have a position for the Japanese restaurant for a job, and I needed a job.

Okay, uh, which position are you applying for?

Well, what do you have? What do you have?

I can, I cook, I have sushi cooking experience, I have sushi rice making experience, I have, uh, toilet machine cleaning and fixing, I do anything.

Uh, whatever you got, honey baby, what do you got?

Um, I took position open, so if you want, you can come into the store.

what are they doggy and missionary doggy and missionary position no oh what positions you have

yeah don't go no no don't go i'm sorry were you sleeping or what was going on you drinking

but i mean you sound like you're on some like quaaludes or something what's up

none of your business are you having sex no do you want to i'm taking off my pants oh yeah

dude i'm terrible with the women and it seems like my humor lately is only like let me call

Call and be perverted to women or be rude to women.

That's, like, all I do.

Rude normally is the case, dude.

Rude's normally the thing.

And then I get to short phone call, and that's all I always say, like, ease up, tiger.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.

You're always complaining.

All right, so.

Well, because you're fucking pissing the world too soon, man.

Stretch it out, baby.

Take it easy, tiger.

You're an expert.

Speaking of penises and trousers off, huh?

All right.

Let's call some stores, dude.

Here's Bell's.

They're one of the.

Just don't fuck it at No Toboggan, thank you.

Fuck that, no.

Bell's is a store.

They're like a local department store down in Florida, and I never liked them.

I never liked them.

I got my first pair of Reeboks from them, though.

Bell's is shit.

Yeah, there were a couple near me, and there was Bell's Outlets were all over the place, though.

Good evening, Bell's and Apopka.

Hey, what's up, Bell's and Apocalypse?

Hello.

Hey, how you doing?

This is Bell's and Apocalypse.

Apopka.

I call it Apocalypse, you know what I'm saying?

Okay.

Yeah.

How can I help you, John?

I'm coming in with my black girlfriend around a certain time.

Can an associate go around and tell everyone not to look at us, guys, please?

This is the floor.

Hee hee.

Wee wee.

Apopka, dude.

Fucking Apopka.

Northwest of Orlando, dude.

Apopka.

I have some contacts.

Hello?

I have many contacts in Apopka.

We used to call it Apopka.

Apopka used to be ghetto as fuck.

Apopka was a trash fucking town, man.

Apopka, they had in their local police department,

They had these well-known undercover cops.

They weren't really undercover.

They were just more like some bully cops that were racist.

And they drove around in a 4x4 pickup truck sometimes.

And they were called the Duke Brothers, the Duke Boys.

They were racist as fuck.

They would damn near beat the shit out of black kids all the fucking time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I actually got to see them once.

It went to a football game in a Popka High School football game.

I didn't play.

but I was a guest

I was invited to go see

with some friends

an Apopka high school football game

back when Warren Sapp was playing for the team

before he went to the Hurricanes

and on to Tampa Bay

and whoever else he played with after that

when he was a piece of shit

I was a big fan of him because he played the same position

I did in football at the same time

defensive tackle

and he also had my same number

number 79

I believe

at least in high school he did

uh yeah uh so i got to see him play i also got to see vince carter play uh basketball before

uh he went to the nba he did not go to college but i did see no did he i think he did once in

college you know was vince carter i think vince carter went straight to the nba when you could

still do that but i got to see him play in my high school he came because he was in i lived in

volusia county and he was uh out there in mainland mainland county mainland high school

in Daytona Beach.

They came a couple of times. I saw one of the games

because everyone knew. He had already

decided and announced where he was going to go

and shit. It was like, well,

check out Vince Carter now.

Before that, that game was packed.

I didn't have to pay to go in

because I was on the football team, motherfucker.

And we lost. We got our asses kicked because of

Vince Carter. Fucker hit like a...

He had a shot from like half fucking

day, damn near half court.

Mother fuck, man.

that kid had some talent back then but he wasted it and so did his cousin fucking tracy mcgrady

another one i saw him play too and uh he was a fucking dick and one of his one of their cousins

went to school with me and his the cousin was had no skills at all he played football and he

sucked he was a scrub and he was the most stuck up pretentious fucking pussy bitch um going around

that high school of mine forgot that fucker's name what was his fucking name he was a cousin

I was with Vince Carter and T-Mac, and he went to our school.

Oh, he was stuck up as fuck.

He was a fucking dick.

One day, he was just staring at me once in one of our classes, and I said, what?

He goes, oh, don't even start like that with me.

Don't even start.

Don't even go there, my dude, or whatever the fuck.

I'm like, what the fuck?

You're just sitting there looking at me.

Why are you fucking looking at me?

Fucking mad, man.

Fuck you.

Good evening, Bells and Apopka.

This is Bobby.

Hey, how you doing, Bobby?

I'm good.

Can I help you with something, sir?

That's a boy's name.

Hold on, please.

Okay.

This is Bells.

Never mind.

you know they're busy right now hello can i help you yeah i was just talking to bobby i was just

talking to bobby yes yeah that's a boy's name no it's not can i help you with something yeah i'm

about to come in with my black girlfriend and i want to make sure that we're not going to get

looked at you know well we're not open right now we're closed for the night when did you close

we closed at 11 o'clock shit oh i missed it damn all right what time are you opening at six

We're open early tomorrow morning.

Because we're not from here, but we understand this is a Florida store, right?

We open at 7 tomorrow.

I'm asking a question.

I got you 7.

Got it.

Very nice, honey.

I understand this is a Florida store, right?

Beals?

Yes.

All right.

So, I mean, we're from up north.

We came down to visit family, and she's my girlfriend, but I'm not from the south.

And I know, like, usually when you go out with a black girl and you're a white guy.

Nobody cares if you're a black and white couple.

It's not going to make any difference.

But this is the Deep South, and I heard like a pop...

No, don't, no.

Okay, it's not like that, because I'm scared.

So don't disturb yourself with that around here, no.

Thank God, thank God.

Because I've seen a lot of the blacks here, too, you know,

so I figured maybe people are used to them around here, you know?

I even saw one guy that had no idea if he was a black or a white.

He looked kind of like, you know, like a, you know, like he could be either or.

He might have been Puerto Rican, maybe.

Maybe that's what he was, right?

Yeah, fuck, yeah.

Yeah, maybe.

Yeah, but I wouldn't worry about that.

We are closed, and we're getting ready to walk out of the store.

Oh, yeah, shut up for a second.

Do you Puerto Ricans, are there going to be Puerto Ricans there at 7 o'clock in the morning, though?

You know what?

I don't know, but come in tomorrow, and you can see for yourself.

And I got to go.

They're disgusting.

They smell.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Sorry.

All right, go get your meal.

You big fat bitch.

Oh, Lord.

They do smell bad.

I smell bad.

I'm Puerto Rican, so there you go.

We've been told, though.

Pesta cool.

I got a good prank call

but it's entirely basically in Spanish

so I haven't released it

but it was done off air

the guy was pissed off

it's a Spanish speaking prank call

so 90% of our

people aren't going to like it

but I might release it

on the Spanish version of the show

Madhouse called El Madhouse

alright and the website for that show

is madhouseslave.com

no one wants to read subtitles

titles come on man get out of here we're calling dicks all right translate it no i don't want

translated no i don't feel like it greetings and thank you for calling dick's sporting goods

hey what do you say there hello how you doing there hi good how are you oh good uh i had a

question about some of the stuff but i think all you would know about is like soccer and maybe golf

what are you looking for uh i'm looking to talk about like football and obviously you can't help

me with that because you're a woman um did you want to talk to someone that knows about football

A man, yeah.

Okay.

I want exclusive products, gear, and special offers.

Dick's Sporting Goods in Daly City, how can I help you?

Yeah, is this...

Dicks.

I'm sorry?

Dicks.

Hello?

Still moving.

Is this...

Dicks.

Is this...

Dicks.

Dick.

Want some dick, yeah.

Damn it.

A chatter in the background there.

Dick's Sporting Goods in Daly City.

Yeah, hi, is this...

Dicks.

Chicks with...

Dicks.

Hello?

Yeah, is that...

Dicks.

Hello?

Yes.

Is this...

Dicks.

sound effects are so loud now man they're hardly usable oh man milkman what do we do

all right uh it's time for that break motherfucker i do i do declare we're taking three breaks

tonight not just the usual one no no two breaks two breaks tonight not just the usual one

and uh this is about time for a break machine i guess or we could do one last call let's do

another call let's do another call one more call one more call and then we'll take a break

Yeah, I've got to work on the sound effects.

They're way too hot.

The sound board.

Not the sound board.

The sound board's good.

The sound manipulation.

The voice effects.

That's what I'm going to say.

California, let's do it.

Hi, I need to see if you've got a horsey cat.

A horse cat?

Horsey cat.

It's in your ad, and I need to have a horsey cat, please.

My daughter keeps asking about this fucking thing.

I'm going to beat the shit out of her if she doesn't shut the fuck up.

It's okay.

It's all right.

Right, but she's just stressing me out, you know?

Uh, we have this cat-a-corn thing.

So it's a cat that pretty much looks like a unicorn.

Really?

Yeah, it's a unicorn.

It has a unicorn body with a cat head.

Are you fucking with me?

No, that's literally what it is.

It's a horse body with a cat head that has the horn on its head.

So it looks like a unicorn.

Wait a minute, what's it called?

Unicat?

It's called a cat-a-corn.

You gotta be shitting me.

Cat-a-corn.

Who's the manufacturer?

Actually, yeah.

It is Kelly Toy.

Kelly Toy Cat-a-corn.

Yeah, Kelly Toy Cat-a-corn.

What are the colors?

My boyfriend's asking.

What are the colors?

The tail is like a rainbow color, and it's also have one, yeah, they're all just like

rainbow colored tails, and pretty much with the cat's head.

You gotta be shitting me.

Yeah.

Wow, that took my fucking idea.

Motherfuckers, how many of those you got there?

A lot.

Well, I'm calling from the corporate office.

I need you to pull those, please.

Pull all the Cat-a-corns.

They gotta come down.

Pull the catacombs.

Yes, please.

You better pull them because I'm going to come in and I'm going to fuck every one of them.

Hang up the phone.

Motherfucker, you believe that milkman?

They stole it finally.

They took our fucking idea.

They are selling horsey cats.

We've only been talking about it for what?

How many years?

What, six?

Oh, my God.

Yeah, I think so.

When did horsey cats start?

2012, I think.

2012, 2013, maybe.

So, it's four years.

Four years is four years.

Shit.

So, basically, our launch time for our advertising campaigns are about four years.

We started an idea to take about four years before it's been mainstream.

Madhouse.

Cutting and cutting technology.

Four years in advance.

It's for sale on Amazon.

The five below page for it is off.

But it is a catacorn plush toy.

Catacorn plush toy.

Adorable cat and unicorn in one.

Dude, this is ridiculous.

You can't tell me they didn't take this idea from us.

Wow.

Does it light up or do any of that shit?

No, it's got a thing.

I've got to check this out.

We've got to take a break, dude.

I'll be right back.

I've got to get to the bottom of this.

We're going to take a break.

We'll be right back in a few minutes.

Yeah, I'm going to make a McMaster smash.

Yeah, buddy.

Be right back, folks.

There's a GPS in your box and a trapdoor at the bottom.

So when you die, put a trapdoor at the bottom and you go straight down.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman.

We'll always speak in front.

Ever.

Thank you, you.

Fucker.

Hijo de tu pinche reputa madre maricón cabrón de mierda.

Assista a your mama to the spring.

Everybody.

Fuck everybody.

Let's radio back.

12.23 a.m. Eastern Standard Time.

Currently it is 9.23 p.m. in the Pacific Time.

Let's see where we're at.

How much time we got left for pranksgiving here?

24 hours of prank calls in progress right now.

We're starting it off.

Echo.

How much time remaining on that timer, bitch?

One timer.

24-hour timer, with about

21 hours and 54 minutes left.

Wow, we got lots of time left,

milkmans.

I got a couple messages here.

What do you got? What's on the big board

there, big guy?

We got one of our long-time listeners,

Lord Maven.

Miss Maven?

Yeah, Lord Maven. She said,

Hey, tell Carlito I said hi

and save me a plate of turkey

gravy with extra gristle.

Oh, you got it. Look at Jack Masterson

right on that all right we also got a call in from uh from my mom and she said to tell everybody

on this show uh happy thanksgiving to wish her a happy thanksgiving and also to her son carlito

she wished her son carlito happy thanksgiving as well all right that's nice that's nice that's

very nice happy thanksgiving to you too mama milk mom milk mom thank you mama son milk mom

alright is that it is that it for our

shits we're good that's the latest

messages there thank you buddy thank you

you got it you got it you got it yeah

thank you thank you thank you for that

alright everybody I guess we'll continue

with them prank calls yeah let's do it

before we went to breaking this I did

get confirmation from the arm the arm

did look into this apparently there is a

product called the catacorn we just

discovered it for sale at brick and

mortar you can get it at five below and

And you can also get it on Amazon.

The Catacorn Plush Toy, Adorable Cat and Unicorn.

According to this, it's a half unicorn, half cat, all magic.

The Catacorn is a mythical beast.

Watch this half cat, half unicorn float from the skies and into your arms.

You've got to be fucking kidding me, man.

They stole our fucking shit.

Dude, I'll tell you what.

You can get a special coupon from the Madhouse.

And if you use the coupon, you can pay an extra $5 and we'll get it.

Man, we had plans to roll this out.

Bullshit!

It is bullshit.

It is.

copyright infringement this plush is a squishy cat and squishy unicorn hybrid the cat toys

with your heart the unicorn spreads love the cat toys with your heart and the unicorn spreads love

bullshit i'm telling you it's yeah what about what about the horse and the cat that was even

better than a fucking unicorn fucking unicorn isn't even real what is this north korea

bullshit yeah anyway they take and they stick a damn rainbow tail on it what the fuck

and now apparently there's also a llama corn

a llama corn of all things

apparently you just squeeze it

and it goes I'm sorry sorry sorry

sorry the whole time sorry sorry

well the horsey cat's original

sorry sorry that's what it does

the horsey cat was the original

oh fuck you

horsey cat didn't give a shit

anyway also there's an updated horseycat.com

website horseycat.com

and I'm not worried about this whole

lawsuit we're going to start because we've got

got archive pages going way back to

2000 fucking 13 or

whatever it is 2012 of

horseycat.com we're good

we're covered we're gonna fucking destroy

we lost that how many Christmas

yeah man

let's continue with the prank

calls we'll have to call some more five below

and how about we just tell them we're the corporate

office and they need to take them down because of a pending

lawsuit

you gotta be careful with that shit we don't want to get

jail or anything oh yeah what they're not gonna

sell some horseycats who cares

Don't worry about it, big guy.

We'll be fine.

All right, let's call one of them, Ulta, Ultra Beauty.

Thank you for calling Ulta Beauty.

Sorry.

We're at the Fremont Hub, where you can find all things beauty, all in one place.

Your hours for this week are Sunday, 11 a.m., and Monday through Saturday, 10 a.m. to 9 p.m.

To put the hair, skin, or brow appointment at Ulta Beauty, press 1.

Parkman, what are you doing?

For all other inquiries, press 4.

We're calling Ulta Beauty.

How can we help you?

Thank God you're there.

You guys are open.

Yes, we're open until 2.

All right, good.

I'm a transsexual, and I have not done any of the surgeries to become fully female yet.

But would you help me try on makeup, though?

Yes, definitely.

So just come back in, come in, and then we can help you and then see what...

All right.

I'm sorry, not what transaction, but see what foundation...

Transition.

My transition.

Do you have anything else that would make me feel like a woman?

Yeah, we have a lot of products.

do you have fake blood

that I can smother all over my crotch

to pretend I'm having a period

do you have anything red

do you have anything I can use

my god

that was a long call dude

that was Parkman's idea

don't blame me for that one

I read exactly what Parkman wrote to do

I'm trying but

this is what Parkman gave me to work with

I'm not the best in the pot, Tiger.

Thank you for calling Ulta Beauty.

This is Rosa speaking.

How can I help you?

Hey, Big Rosie.

How are you doing?

I'm good.

How are you?

Not too good.

I'm in the middle of a transition to become a woman.

Okay.

But I identify myself as female now.

Okay.

Give me one second.

Oh, shit.

Okay.

And how can I help you?

Is what?

Okay.

No, go ahead.

Continue.

What are you saying?

Oh, okay.

Do you have anything that will make me feel like a woman other than makeup there?

I mean, if you want.

We have hair products as well, but that would be the, I think, just about,

why did the lights go off?

That would be just about it.

I mean, all we do is carry.

Do you have anything red?

No, we have lipsticks that are red.

Oh, that might work.

I just want to, like, put it all over my sexual organs

so it looks like I'm having a period, just for, like, one week out of the month.

Yeah, we just have red lipstick here.

That would be something that would be an option.

how many days is the period usually does it depend on the woman or it does vary by fee by each person

okay well for example you like when do you start spotting um i don't want to give out the

information i'm sorry well do you spot first or do you just like gush and then you spot after like

a few days it's gonna vary by person yeah but you but you no i don't want to i don't want to talk

about that is your second day usually what's your heaviest flow day like your second day i'm just

trying to learn no i understand but i i don't think right now would be the time um also it's

not your customer is not your period right now no when when is it no i can't say that but you

come in you show me i i can't help you with that when is it a good day when do you ovulate when

do you when's your cycle all right is that better milkman i don't know that she hung in a little

longer that time that's disgusting what do you offer by your honey he's very progressive very

Very nice, though.

She's like, oh, yeah, sure.

I can't tell you this.

I can't tell you right now.

She's like the Taiwanese guy.

I can't talk to you about this over here.

But if you're still interested, if you're still interesting in sponsoring a girl.

Thank you for choosing 5231.

This is Austin.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Hey, how you doing?

I'm all right.

How can I help you?

How's the action in the bathroom today, in the shower?

If you're asking about how many showers we've had, we've been pretty decently slow and five up and waiting to go.

Oh, well, because, I mean, like, I'm just driving around.

I only like to come to the shower if there's some nice hot action going on, you know?

Well, I can't tell you.

Do you have the holes in the shower?

Nope.

You don't?

Sorry about your luck.

Do you have the masturbation window?

Nope.

What about you, though?

Nah, not lucky enough for that.

When is your menstrual cycle?

Tomorrow.

All right, cool.

Cool, because I'm going to punch you in your dick and you're going to bleed out of it.

That's why, motherfucker.

And you're not going to know who I am.

And I'm coming right now.

I'm going to punch you in the dick.

Cool.

Don't forget, I'm going to punch you right in the dick.

Alright, he's gone.

I forgot dicks.

Alright, I was retarded.

Cross cocks.

Is that how you do it, Milkman?

Is that how you have a nice long prank call?

Once again, that was Parkman's idea.

Yeah, you don't have to expect more than about 30 seconds.

Look, Parkman.

Your friend Parkman said,

Describe the sexual advances that other men make to you in the shower.

And that's what I did.

Hey, how's the action tonight?

What's that?

How's the action?

How's the heat?

It's dead, I guess.

You got some nice holes in there for me?

You funny.

In the shower?

You funny.

You funny, motherfucker.

That was the same place.

You funny, fucker.

Come here with that shit.

I wish I knew that number.

They got that fucking, what's that?

They got that men's bath down there in Perth.

there's oh like the old like 1980s uh gay cancer men's bath like turkish yeah there's time yeah

they probably don't fuck around though they don't they don't deal with they get a lot of pranks

probably you know i don't know dude i don't know man i just remember though that they had one down

in berkeley man which i need a fucking number i can't remember the name of the place uh i don't

know man i don't know i don't freak with those places maybe next time you're there you can make

a note all right i'll make sure that i get their business card all right the key regulator uh i'm

sorry i'm just joking milkman you're very straight you very like pussy i know you do yeah that's

true that's true i i've never changed preferences like i said i always said i'd fucking do without

for it ever fucking switch man dive and switch so new new sending in numbers let's do some of

of his shit numbers.

Noonoo? Big Nooners. You know how he is.

Sure, kid. Noonoo's a piece of shit.

Noonoo, he actually is alive.

That motherfucker's alive. Yeah, of course.

Guess where he wants us to call, by the way. You're kidding.

Guess where he wants us to call. Because, like, we was looking

for him. How long have we been looking for him?

Remember? Uh...

I don't know, man. A while, I guess.

When did he show up? Noonoo's been around for a while.

He's been in the chatroom all night

since the show started, bro. What are you talking about?

You're not in the chatroom. What chatroom

him wait and this is the irc one where he usually is he's afraid of other other places to go he

doesn't like to he's afraid i know dude he's down there he's down there at one of those bath houses

it's all right yeah i i just curious because i thought somebody had something happened to you

so i heard you was missing and nobody had seen him that's why i'm i was very excited to hear

that the old fucker's still alive man because you know he's been my buddy since how long ago man

Well, Knitters, happy fucking Thanksgiving.

Yeah, even though you don't believe in God and you don't celebrate Thanksgiving, you know.

Yeah, the old crotch, the old shit.

The old fuck, the old bitch, you milkman.

I'm glad he's still out there, man.

Well, good.

I thought something happened to him, dude, and that's it.

Nah, he's fine.

He's on the MIA list for a minute.

He's good.

He's fine.

All right, that number ain't working.

Good job, Nunu.

Good work.

Thanks, Nunu.

Thanks, buddy.

Thank you for your contributions.

Here's the next one.

That's right.

We got UK numbers for Nunu, and then we'll get back to Parkman numbers.

All right, man, the Nooners idiot numbers.

Thank you, bro.

We can't take too long because these stores start closing, you know.

The idiot's back.

Thank you.

Big Baz is in the chat room.

That's good to see.

What's up, Big Baby Baz?

He wanted to join.

We're going to be opening up this.

We have about 20, 30 minutes when we start letting people join in.

I know Dwight, Firmus, Baz is wanting to answer.

Continue.

Gone to the next one.

We got Miss Sana Almalak.

Balaka.

I don't want to take too long on these because what ends up happening is we lose.

Some of those stores are going to close.

The park men worked very hard on getting for us.

Matter of fact, this will be the last UK attempt here.

We'll go back to those, but we'll do more stores.

We got Waffle House.

We got Numbers in Las Vegas.

Casinos.

Bellagio.

Is that where the fucking shooting took place?

Where did that shooting take place?

Was it the Bellagio?

Or was it the...

I don't recall the Bellagio.

Yeah, yeah, it was.

It was one of them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm fucking nutjobbing for it in Las Vegas.

No answer.

Thank you, Nunu.

As Gilmore said, this is the Ringing Hour brought to you by Nunu.

Yeah, Nunu.

Well, I guess that's got to count for something, barely.

Yeah, it might be the caller ID is a little funky.

I can adjust that.

Las Vegas number at all?

Oh, won't be, Nunu.

At least you fucking got us some numbers.

Don't complain back.

He got us our 15 minutes of rings in.

Thank you, Nunu.

We give him shit all the time,

But I think it's a caller ID, too.

They see the caller ID.

It looks like a U.S. number.

When I call them later here in the show, I will make sure to make it a British caller ID.

I can do that?

All right, good.

Thank you.

Waffle House.

Let's do it.

Oh, my God.

I dialed it wrong.

I tried to dial the Waffle House like it was international.

What am I, stupid?

We're sorry.

You have reached a number that has been disconnected.

Parkman.

Really?

Parkmanager?

All right, never mind that.

that las vegas and the casino here in las vegas uh what can we do whoops not that i got an idea

from parkman i haven't read it yet i just with parkman's ideas i usually just i don't even read

them until i get the answer they answer the line and then i start reading them so i'm avoiding it

oh this is a cracker barrel please wait a moment hi hi honey baby can i help you yeah i brought a

black girlfriend over to a family thanksgiving dinner and we got kicked out of the house because

she's black will you do this here oh come on i think she was black i think she was afro-american

i just lie awake and think of perfect night we spent under a summer

i think it was zero right

all right creighton i'll do it i'll use the n word you got it we get one one

an n-word a month this is elissa speaking how may i assist you cracker barrel why no barrel

there you go you happy creighton i did it i did it i did it i said the n-word and it wasn't

nerd i know milkman doesn't agree with that because he loved them black girls uh okay you

guys happy there you go it was racist for the chat room yay that's how much i love irc chat

speaking of which this is some plugs real quick madhouse live.com madhouse live.com for the

The English version of the show, madhouselive.com, for the Spanish version, madhouselive.com.

In Espanol, gracias.

Over there, you can check out all the links, episodes, podcasts, prank calls.

Subscribe to my podcast.

If you subscribe on the iTunes store, for the love of shit, for the love of God, Buddha, Jesus, Allah, all of them,

would you please leave a fucking review for me?

would you if you're on itunes if you have an apple device and you've subscribed to madhouse there

come on there hasn't been a fucking review on there since i think since since horsey cat was

invented for god's fucking sake help me out come on i'm trying to get some fucking juice going here

anyway you got links there you can listen on shoutcast 24 7 365 that plays a loop of every

single show that has ever existed from madhouse radio going back to 2005 you can also actually

also listen to and download those at your leisure over at madhouse live.com anyway those shoutcast

links play right on the page for you and you can also tune in on your mobile device using tune in

radio tune in very popular app out there you can use that listen to our 24 7 stream live 24 7 365

stream and when we're live we're live as a matter of fact all the prince giving shows this weekend

this holiday weekend here are going to be played on there live congratulations there you go you can

also dial area code 605-475-0097 to listen to the show if big big time motherfucker 0097 0097

605-475-0097 if you do not have internet connection where you're at or if it's easier

for you to listen by just making a telephone call do that it's always running it's always up you can

listen to the show there uh if you'd like to chat with us tonight or any time for that matter

over at madhouse live.com you have your links for the chat room for irc you can also hit us up at

prank dose.com prank dose.com if you're a discord user discord.gg forward slash pranks discord.gg

forward slash pranks uh that is palindrome's chat and that is his discord there you can hit that up

I'm on Twitter

Madhouse on Twitter

Madhouse.live on Facebook

and be sure to check out if you can

you don't have to but if you'd like to donate at least a dollar

you get Dropbox access

to instant episodes as soon as

this show is over it will be available

for you to download unedited and

complete patreon.com

forward slash Madhouse and donate at least a dollar

to become a Madhouse Militia member

and you can do that shit motherfucker

you can also become a horse

there's information over there what's the matter with right you're a militia member for a fuck

one you want to get a horse head medal yeah step on up get your horse for five buddy then you're

top of the militia rank i still don't have all the details on uh dwight mcclanahan he's asking

for donations because he's poor and uh he needs help paying for his son's christmas brother out

help a brother don't help him out no don't help him out fuck that guy uh no seriously help him

out i don't have the details i'm sure we'll be getting those in about an hour help him out

Then piss on him, okay?

Yeah, fuck that.

No, seriously.

Fuck that guy.

Also, tonight, visit HorseyCat.com and spread it with your friends.

And we got pending litigation apparently now with the fucking, what is it called?

Catacorn?

What kind of stupid name is that anyway, right?

Cataract.

Fucking cat horse.

Whatever the fuck they're calling it.

Anyway.

I hope Jihad's awake right now.

Jihad.

And he knows what's going on with that.

I can't wait for him to find out.

Our fucking attorney was here.

Our international law attorney, AFD.

Where is that motherfucker?

Yeah, fucking shit.

Hey, real quick, let me give you that Pranksgiving schedule here, motherfuckers, while I'm at it.

Let me pull that up in front of me so I make sure I got the right one.

Pranksgiving, which is what we're in the middle of, 24 hours of live prank call shows.

We are on tonight until 4 a.m. Eastern, 1 a.m. Pacific, Madhouse Radio.

Hello.

After that, Brad RBCP Carter will take over.

He's on from 4 a.m. to 8 a.m. Eastern Standard Time.

That's 1 a.m. until 5 a.m. Pacific Standard Time.

I'm not going to get through this right once, all the way through.

At 8 o'clock in the morning Eastern, you have Superphone Brothers going on.

Superphone Brothers.

They're on from 8 to 11 Eastern, 5 to 8 Pacific.

XYZ, XYZ will be doing a show from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

Dwight McClanahan from 1 to 4 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

from 4 to 8 we have

party time with Matt and

Zax and then we'll be wrapping things

up at 8 o'clock in the

evening tomorrow night

I guess it's tonight

8pm to 10pm

Eastern Standard Time

Jaiad will be doing a special episode of

Art of Phone Marking, a live

calls and mass confusion show

I'll be helping him out

probably with a few other people

we'll have to go a little bit over 10pm

because we didn't start the timer

right at 10 let's uh take a look milkman how much time we got left echo echo how much time remaining

you have one timer a 24 hour timer with about 21 hours and 29 minutes left you got about 21 hours

and 21 hours and change left here in the uh is it possible to have a program free program

reminders like you know 23 hours you know 22 hours left or whatever i could sit i could set

that uh i could just send it i had to set them individually you know i'd have to plan them out

probably yeah i'd have to pay him yeah forget that no i was just thinking is it possible no

don't forget that yeah yeah a little too late for that i'm i should have you don't want to do

fucking seven you know ten alarms in a row yeah we just got to kind of keep checking anyway and

the reason i brought echo out here alexa rather out here tonight was to show you how you can

interact with uh your amazon device and get madhouse radio i played the live stream earlier

let me show you how you can listen to the madhouse uh prank cast the podcast we do echo play madhouse

prank oh fuck i forgot how to say prank cast yeah is that it madhouse prank cast i think that's

wrong oh you bitch all right hang on hang on i know what i'm drunk i'm getting drunk

fucking whiskey here echo play madhouse prank cast podcast i could not find a program named

Fucking bitch.

I didn't say cross.

Echo, play Madhouse Prankcast podcast.

Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

Here it is from TuneIn.

I'm, I'm, wait, whoa.

Excuse me?

Thank you for your service.

Yeah, bitch.

Why would it take you so long to say it?

Hey, whoa.

Fuck you.

What'd you say?

Not all this number plays a big...

All right, there you get the idea.

That's our last episode.

That's from Veterans Day.

Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, let's continue with prank calls.

Now that they got all that shit out of the way, we are going to have our friends joining us here starting in about 10 minutes, I believe.

You're going to make a delivery if you're a horsey or a militia member, huh?

Yeah.

Fuck yeah.

No matter what.

You can use your Amazon Echo device to get us here.

Subscribe to us.

Listen to us.

I don't care if you subscribe.

I prefer you did.

Not a big deal.

Just give me the web hits.

And if you're an iTunes user, come on.

Leave me a positive.

I want a five-star review.

All right.

Five.

No excuses.

Give me a four.

Just don't give me anything.

Just shut up.

because we had some dick nicks on there.

We were like, oh, Carl Eels sucks dick.

He sucks dick.

Oh, bullshit, man.

Come on, man.

Yeah, he sucks dick.

We've been doing this shit for a dozen years.

How many years have we enlightened?

Twelve and a half.

Many Thanksgivings around the fucking world.

Yep.

So don't poo-poo the party, man.

Everybody, nobody wants to sit there and look at each other

farting and burping all night.

I know, right?

Was this a KDK show?

Anyway, casino, Milkman.

Casino.

Yeah.

Casino time.

Yeah, ding, ding, bong, bong.

Don't forget your coffee bag.

Oh, dude.

Yeah, I love that noise, man.

Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

I left my diabetes machine.

Thank you for calling the Golden Gate Hotel Casino.

For reservations, press 1.

If you know your party's extension, you may dial it now.

For the front desk, press 2.

For the players club...

What was it, 2?

I'm drunken.

For a company director...

I'm drunken.

We're not even halfway through yet.

Oh, God.

Speaking, how can I assist you?

Hey, my wife brought her cat inside her purse because she thought it would bring good luck.

She's Japanese.

She's stupid.

Your wife is checking in?

No, listen.

My wife brought a cat inside her purse because she thought it would be, like, good luck.

She's Japanese and she's stupid.

Uh-huh.

Because she has this thing about if the cat wipes, it cleans his face, cleans his ear, it's good luck or something.

And she's playing at the slacks.

We don't allow animals in the property.

Well, it's kind of too late, okay?

Okay.

It's kind of too late, and we can't find Kitty, so we need help.

We need to get this fixed right now.

What do you mean, get this fixed?

We need to find Kitty. Kitty's missing.

Kitty, someone either stole her or the cat jumped out of the bag,

probably because of all the noise you people are making here.

Would you like me to transfer you to my security department?

They can help you.

Hey, hurry the fuck up.

One moment.

National events on Fremont Street.

Golden Gate security officer, we're speaking.

Let's go, let's go.

Is there a man security there? This is serious.

Oh, yes. Where do you need him?

I need to talk to him, first of all.

You don't understand what's going on.

Okay, hold on.

Hurry up.

Let's go.

Red team, go.

Yeah, listen, my wife brought her fucking stupid cat inside.

She's a stupid Japanese girl that I married, you know?

Uh-huh.

And she brought the stupid cat in her purse.

She kept insisting to bring it.

I didn't want to bring the cat.

I wanted to bring the dog, Homer.

She brought the cat.

She's Japanese.

She thinks it's good luck.

If the cat cleans his ear with his paw, it's good luck or something retarded like that.

Okay.

Alright, so the fucking cat, we're at the slot machines and now the cat's gone.

So we need to get this fixed. Let's go, let's go.

So we have a cat somewhere in our casino?

Yeah, you need to hurry up and get my fucking cat and I can describe the cat for you.

Okay, are you at the front desk?

No, I'm at the slot machines.

Which slot machine are you at?

You know the one that goes bing bing bing bing?

Yeah, they all do that.

Look at the slot machine, it's going to have a four digit number on it.

It's up in the upper right hand corner.

Uh-huh tell me tell me the three-digit number after the four-digit number fuck dude

I don't know cuz I need I need to figure out where you are so I can come to you and come

Don't take care of this obviously. Well, can I give you the description of the cat? Sure. All right. It's wet

Slightly hairy. Okay. What kind of breed is it? Is it tabby simies vagina? What kind of cat vagina?

Okay, it's a vaginal cat. Gotcha. Yeah

Jaguar, I love these machines though

So, you know, can you help me find my kitty, please?

I'll see what I can do.

If I find anything, I'll give you, I'll come see you.

I need everyone.

You don't even know where I'm at.

I didn't even give you the number yet.

I'll figure it out.

Don't worry.

It's 097.

Okay, 097.

Motherfucker, you.

You better hurry the fuck up, motherfucker.

Yeah, I'm not going to, but that's okay.

Hurry up.

Why don't you come to my security office and see me?

Asshole, why don't I kick your ass?

All right, why don't you come to my security office and do that?

Why don't you come to 097?

I'm going to fuck this machine right now.

I'm going to fuck it.

Sounds good.

I hope you're really there.

I'll be right there.

Yeah, hurry up, motherfucker, and I'm going to fuck you and then fuck the machine and

fuck the money out of it.

Sounds good.

See you in a few minutes.

Let's go.

Let's rape this machine.

I get the ass.

Yeah.

Casino!

You like that, Milkman?

You like that?

Was that good for you?

Good for you?

That was a good sound effect, dude.

Yeah, thank you.

Thank you.

A little loud, but it was good.

I hope he believes I'm in the casino.

It served a purpose.

He got the message.

He think he believed it because of the sound effect.

I'm going to fuck the machine and get the money out of it, dude.

And we need to get to the bottom of this whole five below thing, dude.

Let me pull up a map before we do more casinos, because they're open 24-7.

They're cocksuckers.

Let's get a map open here, and let's see if we can find five below,

because that's some bullshit, you know, corn machines.

How in the fuck did they get away with stealing our idea?

I don't fucking believe it, dude.

I don't know, man.

That's the hottest fucking thing since sliced bread, and the motherfuckers stole our idea.

Dude, and I take credit.

Now, I was the first person to bring it up, horsey cat.

I was the first one to bring it up.

I asked for a horsey cat at a Walmart.

It was a big deal.

I didn't think it was that funny.

I went to sleep after doing a six-hour show, and it blew up.

Dude, it was one of your stupid, retarded, crazy, imaginative, just out-of-the-fucking-ass inventions, dude.

That's just the way you are.

You'll just think of something really stupid-sounding, and you'll go with it, dude.

That's just how a horse and cat became.

There's no tricks about horses or cats or anything.

It's just one of your crazy inventions.

That's what it's all about.

Your imagination, your creativity.

That's why they owe you.

I'm telling you man

it's fucking ridiculous

but then Lux

that kid Lux

he took it to another level

with all the shows the next day

there was a website

the website's still up

but that became a phenomenon

you know what I mean?

phenomenon

do you remember how it was

back in the day

with Madhouse

and our Thanksgiving shows

you remember that guy Ernie

that we called

three years in a row?

yeah

but where was he at?

he was on some

he was in Guam

Guam. He was in fucking Guam.

I kept fucking with the guy.

Yeah, I kept fucking with him. The horse and cow

fucking place. Yeah, every year.

Oh my god, yeah, dude.

That was some fun shit, dude.

That's about the horse, man, you know.

How do you masturbate a horse, you know?

Do you take your shoes off?

Yeah, our second break

that we take here in about an hour,

I've got that queued up, so we'll be able to hear

those calls. I want to remember those, dude.

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, let me find a Five Below that might be open still here.

Apparently, they're all open until 1 o'clock in the morning,

so that means that the ones on the East Coast are just closing now,

which is cool.

This company is distributing their own toy?

No, Five Below, it's like a dollar store,

but a little more higher class,

but it's basically just for teenage girls.

It's a weird fucking concept, but it does well.

Well, they gear to teenage girls, I think, mostly.

Is there a market?

Do you have a call in five low and high?

What, like the off J-Pop, though?

Yeah, hi.

Are you, like, oriented towards teens?

No.

J-Pop.

No?

Okay, all right.

Well, I'm calling from the corporate office.

That was a test.

I'm calling from the corporate office.

No, you're not.

Yes, I am.

Who are you?

I'm from Philadelphia.

Yes, I am.

And what do you need?

My name is Cross.

I'm calling from the corporate office.

We have an issue with the catacorn.

With what?

Catacorn.

Do you have any of the catacorns in?

it's a half cat half unicorn plush i'm not sure well let's go check those they were on sale we do

have them okay well we need to get those all pulled and now there's pending litigation apparently

it's a crisis that we're having here did it come through an email no it didn't this is urgent no

this is apparently got out because of the black friday special we need to get those pulled they

can't be sold tomorrow i know i think this location is closing any second now yes okay but

we need to get those pulled they cannot be sold tomorrow morning absolutely not i need you to pull

Pull those all as soon as possible.

Do you have any of those now?

I need you to check the UPC, make sure we got the right one.

Guys, can you hold on, please?

Sure, sure.

Thank you.

Okay, I'm sorry.

What was it that you needed again?

The catacorn plush toy.

For stuffed animals?

Yes, that's right.

It's white in color, has a rainbow tail.

Wait, let me check that one.

Okay.

Okay, the catacorn plush toys, yes.

Okay, how many do you have in?

Oh, quite a bit.

Can you, I mean, you don't have to pull, I need them pulled.

They need to be pulled.

Okay.

Alright, um, there's a pending litigation.

Apparently there's a product called Horsey Cat,

and they have us dead to rights here for selling this thing, I guess.

We got into a big problem with the, it's, it's, I guess the manufacturer of this toy didn't notify us of that.

So it's only that one, right?

Just Catacorn, yeah.

It's anything, the half cat, half unicorn one has to be pulled.

Absolutely.

Okay, I don't have that many.

Okay, good.

Thank goodness.

Did you sell many?

i have i i don't know but i have i'm seeing i have three all right because they're they're

finding ten thousand dollars each store is getting to find ten thousand dollars per

toy that got sold apparently okay so i will pull these now thank you thank goodness all right what

was your name again my name is laureen all right okay thank you very much all right and uh uh thank

you what can i say thank you for your professionalism quickly though okay and uh good

Be careful. Happy Thanksgiving.

Thank you for working.

That's so nice because we don't have to worry

about what we're going to do with them.

I'm going to get this thing pulled from every five below

this week.

Once they're all on the back shelf, then we'll have

our lawyer contact them and let them know

that they've been pulled from their shelves and there's no need

to put them back down unless they

speak and make a

they need to make a negotiation.

Right. Gotcha. That's some shit though, man.

I keep saying that, but seriously

it is some shit.

Are there no Five Belows in the West Coast?

Holy shit, where are Five Belows at?

Let's see.

Let's see if there are any in Illinois.

Or they'd be open for another hour.

Yes, there are.

A ton of them.

I mean, how dare these bastards?

I can't believe it, Davey.

Right, right, right.

Calling Five Below in Schaumburg.

This is Nick.

How may I help you?

Hi, Nick.

This is Cross.

I'm calling from the corporate office in Philadelphia.

Oh, all right.

What's up?

Not much, sir.

I've got...

This is the location that the Woodfield Village Green looks like?

Yeah.

Okay.

We have a bit of an issue here.

Do you have any Catacorns there?

Catacorns?

It's a Catacorn plush toy that's being sold without authorization.

Apparently now there's pending litigation because it copies the Horsey Cat toy.

No, I do not know of any that we have.

It's a white plush toy, catacorn plush.

It has a rainbow tail, a head of a cat.

All right.

I know exactly what you're talking about.

Do you want me to get them off of the floor right now?

How many do you have?

Can you count?

Because we're being fined $10,000 per.

So we have noted how many you got.

If you could tell me how many you received.

If you could tell me how many you have left, that's going to give us an idea of how much the fine is going to be for the store.

All right.

I can go out and count them.

Thank you.

It's going to take me a few minutes.

Is that all right?

That's fine.

No problem.

you take your time sir no problem okay thank you i know you're busy thank you mr cross yes sir

excuse me mr that's fine yes sir go ahead mr man um yes when the manager returns confirm have him

read you the upc code make sure you copy it down and confirm that record later on okay good idea

good idea i thought i'd add some legitimacy to this later he needs to read it to you and confirm

the proper upc code has been acquired of course and then you can you can check and see if that

matches what you have thank you thank you from here out yes sir thank you hey david king listening

in hey crazy david king you crazy conspiracy guy why don't you just get on a plane come back to

america just saying is there a conspiracy that keeps you from doing that oh god dude i want to

thank all 340 people listening on mixler right now mixlr 340 people and looks like we're in the 20s

on uh shoutcast so we're about 360 fucking people listening live right now thank you all god bless

Unless that mixture glitches.

How do the phone listeners add in on that?

How do the phone...

They would be in the shoutcast, I think.

I don't know.

I don't know if they're...

Would they individually, or would they show up as one?

I don't know.

That's a good question.

I'd have to check with them and see how that works.

I think for each one, it's a new session, I think.

Really?

All right.

So then you could get unique listeners.

You get actual numbers.

Cool.

Yeah, I don't know, but I hope so.

All right.

Hello, can I help you?

Yes, hi.

This is Cross.

I'm calling from the corporate office in Philadelphia.

I already spoke to someone who was taking care of an issue for me.

Are you following up?

Can you give me your direct line so I can contact you back at the corporate office?

Call me at the corporate office.

Ask for Cross.

I'm here.

We're in the NOC.

What's the first name?

Cross.

Okay.

I will call you back at the...

You need to pull all those catacorns, sir.

Okay.

I'll verify it with our district manager.

Well, how long is this going to take?

This has to be done before tomorrow morning.

You close in an hour.

You close in less than an hour.

Who am I talking with?

Okay.

Okay, I will contact my...

Who am I talking with, I said?

I will contact my...

Who am I speaking with?

My name's Russell.

Russell?

What kind of stupid name is that?

Okay, you have a good day.

Yeah, asshole.

Bye.

Yeah, fuck you.

So what kind of stupid name is that?

Now let's see if we can find...

Hello?

Can I help you?

I'm still here, Russell.

I didn't go anywhere.

Russell?

Hey, buddy.

That's him hanging up and calling back.

why don't you just pick up and talk to corporate dress russell russ russie russ russell you have

corporate on the line corporate office how can i help you he keeps trying to get the phone to go

russell russell i have control of the phone i'm with the corporate office i have control of the

phone we on the line we on for me he's trying to call the district manager there he died finally

one there you went yeah it was that fun it had to be fun yeah yeah yeah now i do know mixer

xler occasionally used to have a glitch where the numbers of people listening doubled for some

reason so the 340 will become 170 which still is a rather respectable number of people and all of

you please stay tuned even if you're not listening if you fall asleep leave that shit on when you

fall asleep because brad carter is going to do such a great show he's been pouring his heart

out preparing for it all week um i mean this guy he's got an amazing announcement that's going to

come also uh halfway through his show he won't even let me know what it is and he's a good friend

into mind so you definitely i mean if you fall asleep leave it playing and listen to it in your

subconscious i bet you'll have a dream about it about brad carter who wouldn't want that dream

about brad carter oh my god jesus god best dreams ever have her with brad carter touches my penis

anyway but seriously thanks everyone for listening let's make pranks giving great

i know we're not doing anything for charity other than dwight's family and that's good that's good

i think dwight's just trying to get a new xbox i think that's what it is an xbox whatever that

scorpio shit is that's what he wants i'm kidding he needs the help he doesn't work and he's uh

gay uh another casino let's do it hey it's time for people to join in you fuck them right milkman

fuck them just go while you're on a roll buddy you got gas right now if they don't want to call

to join they don't have to be on right it's just me and milkman it's better this way anyway

motherfucker and i'm drunk so i don't give a shit if the show sucks let's stop talking and call the

the Bellagio.

Keep fucking hitting

while it's hot, dude.

All right.

They're going to get

their turn.

Keep hitting.

They don't get shit from me.

Ah, there goes

Dwight, motherfucker.

Bellagio Hotel and Casino.

All of our operators

are currently

I'm out of alcohol.

I got to go get the bottle.

Please remain on the line.

And your call

is real, man.

Drink from the bottle.

Hey, honey.

How are you?

Fine, yourself?

Terrible.

Thanks for asking.

Thanks for bringing that up.

I appreciate it.

Hey,

who's in charge

of the slot machine?

Probably the slot manager.

You're the slot manager?

No, I'm the operator.

Oh, so the slot manager's in charge?

I would assume so.

Oh, wow, you're really smart and condescending, aren't you?

No, I'm not trying to be, but I've never been asked that question.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, you're really kind of a...

I'm not going to say the word.

You know the C word?

You know what?

No, no, no, wait.

You want to talk right now?

No, I didn't say it.

I didn't say it.

Okay, I'm just having a good time at the casino.

What's that?

You have no business saying that.

I didn't say it.

Did I say it? I just said a letter. Don't start with me. Hey, put me through to that. Put me through to that man.

The man that does the casino machines. One moment. I'm going to kick the shit out of this.

Love some, baby. Love some, baby. Hey, I'm here at the Bellagio. Yay. How you doing?

What's happening? Well, I'm going to beat the shit out of this machine in a second is what's going to happen.

happening okay all right i don't i don't like the way it's looking at me so where are you at

well i'm in the front of the machine though i mean where in the casino are you at where the

machine is the machine i'm in front of the machine i'm gonna kick it right now i i poured a drink on

it already and it went like that okay yeah but i'm gonna fuck it i'm gonna fuck this fucking

casino machine the slot machine i'm gonna have fucking with it so what do you want me to do

I want you to come watch

I don't think I need to watch that

Well I have a nervous tendency of holding my penis

While I play poker

Is that going to be overlooked

Should I talk to a pit boss maybe

You're going to be like that

We might have to kick you out

You're going to do shit motherfucker

I pay my taxes

My taxes pay your salary

Put the pit boss on the phone

Give me someone in a suit

Bullshit you are

Whatever

What kind of suit do you have?

What brand suit do you have?

Fucking Macy's suit?

What difference does it make?

You got a Macy's suit on probably?

Fucking Macy's suit?

Fuck you.

Give me someone in a nice suit.

Nice Italian suit.

What do you need?

Where do you get your suit from?

Men's Wearhouse?

All right, I'm going to hang up on you.

I said give me the pit boss, asshole.

Are you blind?

You're talking to him.

Are you blind too?

I need to know where you're at.

You're the guy in charge of the machine.

I need to talk to the guy in charge of the card games.

The real fucking guy.

Not you fucking piss-ant guy that just deals with the machine.

I'm going to hang up the phone on you, okay?

Fuck you.

I'll call back and get who I need, you fucker.

Fuck you in the ass.

Come on, motherfucker.

Why don't you look for me on the camera?

You know who I am.

Look at me.

I'm waving at the camera right now.

I dare you to come down here right now.

I'll kick your ass.

Yeah.

That's how you do it.

Yeah.

That's funny, man.

I'm calling the Bellagio Hotel and Casino.

Thank you for calling Bellagio.

This is Patty.

Hey, Big Patty.

How you doing?

Fine.

And yourself?

Not good.

Good, don't ask me again. I need to talk to the pit boss in charge of the poker games. Let's go.

One moment.

Hurry up. I'm getting angry. We got to call the fatties too.

Thanks for calling the Bellagio Poker Room. How can I help you?

I'm looking for a pit boss in charge of poker. I don't need to talk to a woman. Is there a man I can talk to?

The pit boss?

Yeah, stupid. Hello?

This is the poker room.

Yeah, well, I need to talk to a man in a suit, not you. What are you going to do for me? Come refresh my drink?

Please.

My name is Cross.

Okay, hold on one moment.

Hurry up, let's go!

These people are really excited about the casino machine going.

They're just standing around a fucking one slot machine.

And you know nobody's waiting, they're cheering because they're losing money.

It's constantly spinning on money, they got like the freaking million dollar jackpot.

Dude, fucking casinos are retarded.

That's about as stupid as going to a strip club.

That slot machine's got a leak.

Yeah, it's malfunctioning.

Oh my gosh, she's transferring to a black hole.

That's the whole thing, Lewis Black has a great joke about-

This is Andy, how may I help you?

Hey, how you doing big fat Andy?

What's up?

Hey, are you a man in a suit?

You got a Macy's suit on or you got a real suit on?

Suit on.

Where from?

I'm a...

What brand is it?

Who is it, Armani?

What do you got?

I don't know.

There's no name brand for that.

Oh, you're weak, son.

Yeah, listen.

So, I wanted to play poker.

I'm here at the slot machine right now, you know?

Yeah.

I have a nervous tendency of holding my penis while I play poker.

Is that good to be overlooked?

I just hold it.

It's for good luck.

I hold it.

It's how I learned to play poker.

My mom used to touch my penis when I played it.

What list one three two five five one one three two five ten. What do you mean one three two five?

What are you talking about asshole you wanna play? I always just play regular poker man like Texas

I'll hold on River the river the river because Caribbean cask. What is it called Caribbean cask?

I don't know the ones that the the fucking Chinese people play

Yeah, that one poker. Do you have Caribbean poker? Oh, you have blackjacks?

probably in the pit what's the what's the hot steaks you got five dollar tables anywhere

no you get a nice little asshole on you and unzip the pants on the suit on that suit you know i'm

gay i get gay when i'm drunk i don't give a fuck i gotta help customers so i'll let you go when i'm

drunk i get gay as fuck yeah fuck what's wrong with me i get gay when i'm drunk guys sorry

you're even gay when he's straight yeah all right dwight so uh what you got going on for uh

a donation thing?

Is it DwightPCN on

PayPal, or what's going on?

Yeah, just paypal.me

forward slash DwightPCN.

Okay, good.

People want to help out with the

Christmas machines for

the son and

the son of a bitch.

No, I'm sorry.

To get her to do the sound bites and pickles.

Yeah, yeah. Well, you got a plan.

Where are you going to get him?

Xbox or you're going to play the whole time?

I'm sorry. I'm drunk, dude. You gotta watch out.

I'm drunk. I'm sorry.

He's already

got a one.

He's had that for years.

That's garbage.

I'll tell you a funny fucking story.

Before

my mom and him moved,

the foundation

on the old house

had taken a shit, so the ceiling in his

room had started

at one point, it had cracked.

uh so like part of it came down while he was at school and it came down on his tv and his xbox and

he was so pissed xbox and i literally i was like i was like dude dude i was like don't worry i

could fix this like i took like a whole can of like computer duster fucking i had i blew that

shit so much shit blew out of that i'm like fucking blowing that thing out i'm like all right

Fucking years later it's still working

Oh yeah it's still going

I'm like yeah you're good

You would say oh fuck yeah

Hey Big Baz is here

Big Baby Baz what's up Baz

Hey can you hear me

Yeah we hear you what's up man

I'm doing good

Happy Thanksgiving

Thank you thank you

What do you have in the Baz household for Thanksgiving

Oh we had traditional turkey

turkey yeah yeah my brother-in-law cooked it yeah traditional turkey uh mashed potatoes they

were awesome okay and we actually had no real the only filipino dish we had was um

leche flan for dessert ah pinellas man you should have had something good man

come on oh you didn't make any it's good though what are those things oh yeah some ham we had

some pork you know oh that's all filipino though you probably use filipino spices i bet come on

yeah yeah yeah and i'll tell you this carly yes yes you know we did have peg peg peg peg yeah

shake that uh is the dog safe good the dog's good okay good good all right what's up good

dog survived thanksgiving i'll tell you this this carlio my kid he's he's getting a little

cocky about when he opens gifts he thinks he knows what they are ahead of time i've come up

with a trick i'm gonna fuck with him this year what i'm gonna do is uh i'm gonna take and buy

buy him a fucking pack of t-shirts and maybe buy him a game or something i'm gonna slit the top of

the t-shirt pack i'm gonna slide the game down in between the t-shirts and then i'm gonna take

my food saver that i got and i'm gonna vacuum seal that shit shut and reseal it and until he

decides to wear those new shirts he's never gonna find that fucking game he thinks he he thinks he's

slick fuck him man fuck that guy well he's always like oh i went it's rectangle i know it's a game

i'm like all right all right you know fuck that i was like remember that year when uh when i put

Put it in a shoebox and weighted it down with, like, a couple cans of corn.

I was like, you fucking tried me.

I was like, I'm going to start.

I'll get tricky on you.

You want to start challenging me?

I was like, I'll do that.

I'm going to put it.

Because he doesn't wear his new stuff right away.

He'll take it and put it up in his closet.

He won't find that shit for six months.

You know what you do?

To really show them, you buy the shirts and you seal them up, right, with the game inside.

But you know what you do?

The shirts, buy them one size smaller and tell them he needs to lose weight.

Oh, Jesus.

it's a fat shame i'm at christmas time holy shit that's horrible but don't tell him the game's in

there but then when he loses the weight it's like oh look a game a five-year-old game because you

know well one year i printed out a bunch of barbie uh like uh xbox covers yeah and i taped them over

the front of the actual game and uh he wasn't happy about that and uh when he actually got the

xbox one like three years ago uh i took my old one uh and i actually put socks and shirts inside

of that and he unwrapped it

and he was like oh my god Xbox One

I'm so happy I'm like are you sure

he opened it up and saw there was socks and shit

in there and like he was the look on his face

he was so pissed

and then we gave him a real one later

but he was so fucking pissed off it was priceless

I got pictures of it it was great

alright the producer

is asking me get him the Skype

the info for the incoming calls

it should be this I have the same exact

stuff going on from last time

I actually have the whole set up still

uh does he need an updated can you be the mediator between that uh dwight can you let your producer

know that it's the same from last time my setup is still the same does he need anything new for me

and what it is and just let me know type it or you know because i'm fucking um does anyone want

to call the love ranch a legal brothel in near las vegas uh baz you're a pervert uh maybe in a bit

I am that I am but yeah a little bit we still have company over hey I was just gonna ask you

though what uh kind of whiskey are you drinking tonight dude uh just johnny walker black you know

I had the I had the bottle of green label I've never had johnny walker green added in my hand

and passed on and I think I should have done it for to experience I never had it yet and I was

there was also johnny walker gold was there which I was surprised I thought to stop making it that's

I believe that's their single malt uh I didn't do it you know um johnny walker it's it's a rip

off because it's a blended scotch especially the blue and i've said this before my show but

it's like fucking 100 plus dollars for a bottle of whiskey that's a blended scotch

i could drink a blend you might as well drink a canadian well yeah but for 100 plus dollars you

might as well get a nice single mall a decent single mall you know you get a pretty good

fucking single mall you get yourself a balvenie or something like that you know i go wait wait

Johnny Walker's good, but

fuck, fuck, you know, fuck, you're fucking, right?

Alright, love ranch, speaking of which

I'm drinking Ensign Red tonight

What is that? It's a Canadian

Garbage. It's good

Worst fans in the world, yeah, I'm sorry

I'm kidding

I love the Canadians, I have good relations with them

I know

Hello, hello, hello

Hello, is this the chicken ranch?

Why hang up on me?

Fucking girls, man, always denying me

I didn't even get to say anything

shit one moment please you have entered an invalid all right goodbye oh i hung up on milkman

fucking thing came out of order hang on let me call milkman's back whoops he's gonna be so mad

cool all right uh well i mean i could do a shot in the dark see if i could figure out what number

i can get to work for this uh over readers anonymous because they said right that one

time do i that they uh they're they're there all weekend so all every holiday they're due 24 7 they

They get really into it.

Do you still have the number for Butterball?

Yeah, I do have the number for Butterball, but keep in mind they close.

They actually do legitimately close for Thanksgiving.

Yeah, you can call them on Thanksgiving, but you have to call them early in the day.

They close early.

But they're open all the way through Christmas, I believe,

so you can actually call them later on during the year.

Yeah, we'll put them on late to do it.

were yeah i uh speaking of that line i love the year you called and uh you were trying to cook

with gasoline yeah you were trying to deep fry the turkey with gasoline and i think you even

called the hotel and told them you were trying to cook the turkey uh deep fry the turkey with

the gasoline in your room yeah and uh they were like you can't do that you're like well i've

already got the gasoline heating up yeah what do you what do you want i can't just empty it out

that's wasting good gasoline.

I think at one point

I also said how much propane.

Didn't I? Like I was going to use propane.

I was going to put the propane inside the turkey

and light it up.

Here we go. This is a correct number.

It started at 11pm, which is

about two and a half hours ago.

I'm going to say they're probably still going.

Because as they said, they go all weekend.

Thank you for calling our telephone

meeting. You may enter the conference

number followed by the pound sign

Signed for the meeting at any time during this message.

There are currently 62 other participants in the conference.

Hello?

What is it, Dwight?

Star 1?

I'll call the cable company first tomorrow.

So thank you so much, and I pass.

Thanks for coming in and sharing with us, Rosemary.

Please press 1 to mute or unmute yourself.

You are now unmuted.

May I speak?

Yeah, who's this?

Hey, my name is Cross.

How are you doing?

What's your first name?

Cross.

Rock?

Cross.

Okay.

I seem to be having trouble, um, the, the turkey, you know?

You know how the, the, all the eating this week, this, uh, tonight?

Hello?

Yes.

Um.

Go ahead.

Yeah, I'm actually kind of sexually attracted to the turkey, just the way the legs go.

You know how the legs are kind of spread out, you know, like a woman in missionary position.

And I like to give, like, oral sex to women, so it just makes me want to give oral sex

to the turkey, and then I just start eating, and I can't.

Jeez, I can't stop.

We can't hear you, Tom.

Who'd like to come in next?

Hi, Tom, this is Margaret, the compulsive over here.

Who'd like to come in?

Yeah, who is this?

Margaret's Margaret.

Margaret?

Hi, Margaret, come on in.

Hi, Tom, I could really relate to your share.

Please press 1.

You are now unmuted.

I would ask him, will I find love again?

Shut up, Margaret, fat bitch.

We need a turkey.

Margaret, come on back in if you like.

Contact the authorities here shortly.

Please press 1.

You are now unmuted.

Would you like to come in next?

Dwight, share.

Your turn.

They can't hear us, Dwight.

You share, you share.

Or Baz, you want to share?

All right, Dwight, hang on.

Let me make sure he didn't mute us again.

Press 1.

You are now muted.

Okay, we're...

Press 1.

You are now unmuted.

And you're more than welcome to...

Go, Dwight, go, go, go, go.

Hello, can I share?

Hi, can I share?

It's Beth.

Oh, go ahead.

Yeah, we heard a guy come in first.

Yeah, who is this?

Oh, ladies first.

Go ahead.

Okay, yeah, go ahead.

Okay, did you want to go first to the man?

No, no, no.

All right. I just want to say, you know, guys, okay, my name is Bev. I'm a compulsive overeater

in Chicago. I'm really struggling. I appreciate this meeting. I haven't been dialing in like I

need to. Tom, I really connected with you and to Margaret and to other people I've heard, you know,

share. And I just have to say, I really appreciate the honesty. But lately, I've been getting in

in touch with, you know, my anger, which I guess is a lot, you know, or I wouldn't be overweight

like I am. And I just would so appreciate, I mean, I just, you know, I know we're not supposed to

use names or crosstalk or whatever, but it just feels to me like, Tom, you're doing such a great

job. And, you know, I hear such sincerity and honesty, and I just wish interference like

wouldn't happen it really is upsetting to me um because i really need to get well i am really

messed up in this area of my life i mean lately i've been in a relapse and i cannot stop eating

particularly at night you would think the whole city of chicago is going to be without food like

they're just going to come in and you know and wipe off all the food and um i i really have a

sickness and this really helps me so i want to wish everybody everybody on the line a healthy

healthy physically and mentally healthy thanksgiving and can we please all be nice to

each other okay at least that so we don't have to contact you i pass no contact okay thanks so much

for coming in and sharing um who'd like to come in next i i would if the person who's on who's

urinating while on the line would mute come in and share yes i would um my name is blake i am a

compulsive eater from Los Angeles, California. I've been compulsive eating for the better part

of 10 years. I'm currently in my third relapse. This is probably the longest time I've went

without compulsive eating. I went five years this time without a relapse. Just like the last caller,

a lot of my problem has to do with my uh my anger issues um when i go into work uh we don't have

time to necessarily go out for lunch uh for our lunch hours so our business brings in caterers

to cater for us which leads to a lot of problems for me because they let us eat as much as we want

and i've expressed to them that we need to have some healthier options at the workplace

place and um basically they told me if i just couldn't control my um if i couldn't control

myself around around the options that they were paying for and providing that maybe i should find

other employment uh which which really hurt as a an employee of 15 years um to be just disrespected

like that and um so i don't know if i can continue to work in a place um like a place like julie with

with reward redemption i'm sorry uh blake that's uh just go ahead blake all right thank you um so

i'm contemplating actually quitting that job i think it's going to be the best for my for my

health uh so

i think that's what i'm gonna do uh unfortunately you know i'm probably gonna lose my

health insurance i'm probably gonna end up on um government assistance after unemployment runs out

because um i've been shopping around trying to find another job but i got like it is you're

They're overqualified, and I actually, at one job, I'm actually thinking of contacting the lawyer.

They told me that I would not be able to be supported in the seats that they provide for us to sit in, and I will pass there.

Okay, Blake, thanks for coming in and sharing. Would you like to leave any contact information?

No contact info at this time.

Okay, Blake, thanks for coming in and sharing. Who had to come in next?

Hi.

Hi, who's this?

My name is Syphilis.

Hi, Syphilis.

Syphilis.

Hi. I woke up, and I hadn't hung up the phone.

So I understand this is a kind of recovery meeting. Which or what?

Oh, sure, yeah. This is an All Readers Anonymous meeting, Phyllis.

Oh, yeah, well, that's me.

Good. Come on in and share.

Okay, thank you. Yeah, I'm grateful for this meeting.

I was meeting, and I think one of the difficulties that I had with Thanksgiving was I didn't do my gratitude list before I went home.

First, I was invited to a friend's house, a family that I really enjoy.

That's just taking way too long. Here's a call.

Customer service, my name is Askel. How can I help you?

Yeah, we don't want no more telephone calls.

Yeah? Why?

Well, we get telephone calls here at 12.30 at night and stuff like this, and we're in bed.

Yeah, well, I can turn off all your phone calls.

You'll never get a telephone call again from anybody, not just us.

Is that what you wanted, you mean?

I can disconnect them.

Yeah.

All right.

Do you know how you stop the calls?

Do you have an asshole?

You can put your phone up your asshole.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, go ahead and do that.

We can just unplug you.

That's okay.

Customer service, my name is...

How can I help you?

Hey.

Here, it's Tommy.

Hello?

Watching CBS dramas.

What the hell is that?

Someone watching TV.

Customer service.

Come on, we don't have all night.

Whatever.

Hey, old man, are you still there?

Old man, old man.

Old man, old man, old man.

Hello?

I'll keep them connected.

We'll see if we get any more of them incoming calls.

They'll probably start filtering in pretty soon.

Let's see what we got here.

We got ranches.

We got chicken ranch brothel.

Chicken ranch brothel.

This is the one that I know of.

Hey, Carlito, what's up, my dude?

Hey, what's up?

How you doing there, sir?

It's good to see you.

Oh, there's that guy.

Now he made noise.

Thank you for calling the world famous historic chicken ranch.

This is Christina.

How may I help you?

Yeah, how you doing?

I'd like to make an order, please.

I'd like to make an order.

Like, one chicken meal.

I remember that.

That sound effect.

Yeah, it's peck peck.

It's peck peck the chicken.

I'd like to make an order.

Thank you for calling.

Can I get a four-piece?

We don't have chicken.

Four-piece all dark, please.

We don't have chicken.

This is chicken ranch.

yeah peck peck the chicken demands it yeah okay good i'll take four chickens

they're gonna mess with me that shit super retarded prank call idea dwight how you doing

there are you okay uh the producer requested uh the termination of any calls that give out

the uh name number or location like such as a last name number or location last name i don't

don't give out last names oh just if they start spouting their shit off oh yeah yeah no no okay

okay you're right hey carlito can i do a shout out real quick my dude customer service my name

is firmus how can i help you yes please take me off of your calling list take it easy take it

easy i don't need to know where you live i'm going to put you through to mr firmus he's got

a shout out to do go ahead hello lady yes this is a tier three support how can i help you

please be i want you to take me off of your calling list it's late at night and i don't

appreciate these kinds of unsolicited calls so i don't know what you're talking about i visit

anything i have not so please take this number off of your list okay what's the last two numbers

of your number the last two no no no no what just the last two numbers hussy five one okay and why

do you want to be removed because these calls are irritating and i've already reported you

to comcast so i want you well then let comcast deal with it then look stop it now if you already

reported it then why do i mean just let comcast deal with it right all right did she turn into

a robot just then hey i just want to shout out two great shows that are happening tomorrow the

xyz qwa show at 11 a.m uh eastern 7 a.m pacific i will be co-hosting and also the big dwight show

going on tomorrow at 1 p.m eastern 11 a.m pacific i hope you appreciate it sir anything special

And it's paypal.me slash dwightpcn for the donation.

Yeah, as of right now, nobody gives a fuck about the Dwight, man.

Those donations are rolling in a snail's paste.

I'll put one in tomorrow, my dude.

No more Patreon donations, guys, to Brad Carter.

He's got enough money.

He's got enough money that Brad Carter.

Now, I need them, but Dwight especially needs them.

Yeah, send them to fucking Carl Williams.

No, send them to Dwight.

Send them to Brad, too.

Everyone, donate a dollar to all of us.

Here's an incoming call.

Who wants it?

Dwight.

I'll do it.

oh they hung up never mind i'm looking at these different articles while we're talking and uh

they're like amazon is offering fucking deep discount black friday deals and it's like

pick up a 55 inch 2007 lg 4k smart tv for just 1696 dollars and 99 cents so okay that's a hell

of a deal well uh what's the record excuse me regular price isn't it sad regular if that's

That's the fucking deal.

How much are you saving?

So how much is it?

A 42-inch?

$55.

$55 for $1,000.

Dude, I got an HDR.

You get last year's Sony model.

Yeah, you get last year's Sony model 60-inch 4K smart TV for $650.

See, I got the TLC, the TCL TV.

It's just fine.

It works just fine.

It works good.

I'm half blind, man.

I don't care.

I can't hardly see a shit.

I saw a 40-inch Samsung 4K Smart TV.

It was last year's model, but it has a really high refresh rate, 240 hertz refresh rate for $299.

That's not bad.

No, it's really good, actually.

Yeah, it's not bad.

It's a lot better than the regular 60 hertz.

Here's a news tip line.

Firmus, you've always had a lot of fun with tip lines and using them in there.

Oh, yeah.

I don't know who that is.

I don't know if you have any ideas for that.

I'm kind of throwing you under the bus here.

Hey, I got one thing to say also.

While this is ringing, the second hour of the XYZ show.

Hello?

Hi, this is Kyle.

Hey, we have breaking news about the XYZ show.

Go ahead.

Hey, I just want to advise you that the breaking news about the XYZ show

is that we're involving the Discord in the second hour.

So anyone who wants to say something really interesting like that radio actor,

what was his name paul something verhoeven it was like ashley syndicated paul verhoeven oh say that

again i'm sorry paul verhoeven no no the other dude the one who had all the he's in your intro

about the casket when you go straight down to the hell that guy oh phil hendry you're saying

yeah phil phil phil hendry yeah so we're if anyone has an interesting story like from phil

hendry or anything like that they want to impersonate phil hendry on the second hour

you've got to go to the discord discord.gg slash pranks discord.gg slash pranks all right we're

going to be implementing that in the second hour so if anyone wants to be on the pranks given who's

a up-and-coming caller or user of the community there you go so i just want to let you know all

right that's a breaking news all right when can you publish that uh i want you to spread around

like wildfire it's newsworthy i want you to spread around like wildfire i will talk to my manager if

If we can get it in.

Okay, can we get them on the line?

They're not here yet.

No, you've got to get them on the line.

I'm important.

Incoming call.

I do not think they're awake yet.

Get them on immediately, right now.

I order you.

Customer service.

Yeah, customer service.

Hello?

Here's another one.

Customer service.

How may I help you?

Customer service.

Yes, I want to be placed on your do not call list.

All right, Mr. Basman.

Why is that, ma'am?

Because I don't want your calls.

Okay, well, I think we can help you today.

I've got good news for you.

We have two tiers of service.

The good news would be if you quit calling me.

We have two tiers of service.

Take me off of your list.

That's why you transferred me to this number.

Take me off of your list.

For $10.99, you're limited to two calls per night.

What?

And then our gold service for $20 per month.

Are you not understanding?

You're not knowing what I'm saying?

Yes, I'm going to transfer you to my supervisor, Mr. Firmus.

Mr. Firmus, are you there?

Hello, this is the supervisor.

She's irate.

I can't deal with her.

Please take me off of your...

This is level three support.

Can you please start...

Excuse me.

Can you start by asking me how I'm doing, perhaps?

I mean, I'd like to start the conversation in a friendly way, in a neutral way.

I want to be on your do not list.

Excuse me.

It sounds like you're very upset.

Can you start out by maybe establishing neutral ground, asking how I'm doing first?

You're not doing well because you're not doing what I'm asking you to do.

No, you're not doing well because you started this conversation in a negative tone.

I overheard the conversation with my associate.

yet you started off very angry very upset this is not how you i want to be off your list it's that

shit set me yeah you triggered him now he has to go to mental health counseling yeah i have to take

my meds now i mean i'm gonna have to like cover him for 20 minutes now while he goes to the break

room to get his medication what's wrong with you ma'am why can't you just start out by asking how

we're doing first hello other person on the line hello hello silent person hey are you like

eavesdropping on the conversation that's a wiretap you know federal law title 18 there goes someone

you just shush up back there customer service my name is god how can i help you hello speak

all right cool i i would like i would like to thank green bee and uh mr uh rbcp uh for their

donations thank you yeah no problem man no problem that's green bean where'd you get here

hey buddy good to see you how you doing all right good good i added you i didn't know you joined it's

good to see you there how you doing i already asked you that good to see you as well doing

doing very well good good all right uh more prank calls we got another news tip line let's try that

fox 2 yeah there's a man who has stolen a bus where where is it that's on the highway and i

guess apparently he's saying that uh he's detective johnny utah i guess do you know who that is um

this is st louis missouri yeah yeah okay what highway uh i'm not sure i'm not from here but

But he's on the bus going down the main highway, and he said that he can't slow down or the bus will explode or something.

Okay, I haven't heard anything, but I'll check it out.

He jumped in the bus.

I forgot how they got him to jump in the bus.

He's a detective.

He's an FBI agent.

He's like, I'm Detective Johnny Utah.

I'm an FBI agent, you know?

Okay.

Yeah, and then he started honking the horn.

No, no, I'm not on the bus.

No, I'm in a helicopter.

flying over oh okay I'm a news chopper I'm a news chopper one customer service

my name is Fox to now how can I help you they just called me about a dollar

certificate yeah do you want it you'll crow do I want it yeah do you want it

your old crow yeah all right where do you want the for where do you want it

for where do you want me to get it for you what Walmart's I do not get it I

I pushed two, and it's 11 o'clock at night.

Now, wait a minute.

There's somebody else talking.

You've got your wires crossed somewhere.

No, I do not.

I've got the TV on.

Well, I don't have my TV on.

But anyway, yeah, someone else.

Someone just crossed the phone lines.

Where's the fellow that's just talking?

I'm here.

You're there?

Okay.

You know you're talking to two different people.

I'm talking to you.

She doesn't want hers, and I want mine.

Okay.

Do you want hers?

She doesn't want her, she said.

Do you want to kiss her and touch her on her private parts?

No.

Why not?

I want you to never call me again.

I want you to not tell me what to do.

Do not call me.

Customer service, how can I help you?

Yeah, why are you calling people?

Would you put somebody else on the phone besides you?

Somebody who can talk to people?

Who can talk to people?

I do not want you to call me.

I do not want these dirty calls

at my house

yeah we're here

hey buddy how you doing how big is your penis

oh here

this old lady here

we called wants a penis

I'll do what I want

no I'm not taking shit

I'm not taking off shit

you don't get shit

Shit, you don't get shit, motherfucker.

You don't get shit.

Customer service, how can I help you?

Who's holding?

After hearing that last conversation, I want you to take my name off the list.

No, I'm not taking shit off the list.

Customer service, my name is Labia.

How can I help you?

I pushed the number to take me off your calling list.

No, you hit the wrong number, honey.

I'm sorry.

Did you just call me honey?

Honey, baby, yeah, sweetie.

And I'm sorry, I'd love to sign up for what you're offering.

Oh.

So I hit the wrong number.

Yeah, so you wanted to sign up now.

Okay, well, do you need to talk to the supervisor or something?

Is there a problem with what I said?

No, I just want to sign up.

I don't know what you were offering, but I want to sign up for it.

I'm offering vaginal massage.

Can I take the next one?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you can.

He just said.

You knew she was in for it when you called her honey.

Did you just call me honey?

What a gasp.

I love that last lady.

any dirt. I don't want these dirty

calls. And then you really did make

it a dirty call. Call that lady

back. That was great. That was funny.

He just said badge

click. Oh, good stuff.

Alright, well, let me hold here. Go into hold and

pattern, see if some more of those answers.

And then if the producer can

hold off on those for 15 minutes

while I take our break. It's not going to be

that long, but I'm saying give me 15 minutes.

Hold those for

now. Pause. Good. Producer

confirms. I can take a

Maybe like an eight, nine, seven, eight-minute break.

See if any of these answer.

It doesn't look like they're coming in.

I think I'll take that break now then.

Damn it.

I'm going to have to take that break now then.

Shit.

Oh, I'm not even ready for the break yet.

Thanks for the donation, Nick.

I saw it, man.

Now I'm not Brad Carter with a voice changer.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Brad Carter with a voice changer?

Now you're Brad Carter with a voice changer?

Oh, man.

All right.

Well, when we come back, we've got more incoming calls.

Those seem to be fun.

We've got about two hours left of this show.

then brad carter takes over we've got more news lines we've got infomercials there we go and we

got more stores that we can go we need to get to the bottom of this catacorn thing too can you

believe that not only did you like do that years ago you made a prototype before they fucking had

that out no prototype is here oh speaking of which my four-year-old niece uh was here for

thanksgiving found the prototype of the horsey cat with the big penis on it brought it out holding

it by the penis and uh i told her brother it's like you need to get that away from her he's like

why like because it's a penis i said and she heard me say that and completely lost her shit laughing

about it and uh i had to hide it from them because they just wanted to come laugh at the the horsey

cat that she had made for me oh my god god damn it fucking life man can't can't win uh so yeah we

We got those calls, maybe some more guests, I don't know, or not.

I don't know.

Dude, it's price-given.

Don't give me a lot of stress, all right?

I'll be right back in a few minutes.

Everyone stay in the holding pattern.

Thank you.

Call Nisha.

Out of the line.

No gotta be nice.

Well, Adam gave up a rib, so mine better be prime.

Niggas gonna kill me.

I swear they better be lying.

The A.I. will be back.

Right after this.

The House Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman.

Will ever, ever make you who you are

Horses

Listening to Madhouse on the list

On Nation

We're back

Thank you everyone for holding

Lewis

Oh, this is the way to it

Horses

Ernie

Ernie the horse jacker

That one was for you there

Fucking man

Yeah

Fucking Ernie, man

Touching them horses

We got a little bit of Dwight

A young Dwight McClanahan there doing a prank call

That was Dwight with a shitty Logitech

headset. Young Dwight.

Equipment has been upgraded

drastically. We have a new

computer and new audio equipment

since then. Alright, man.

Yeah, good deal.

Awesome.

We got another news... Does anyone

want to do a news tip line out there?

Anyone? We got infomercials after that.

Yeah, I think we should try to get a news agency

to go because Lindsay Lohan

or something is in the mall or something.

thing and like just get him like really uh excited about you know celebrities she's throwing frozen

she's having an episode go ahead milkman what's up sir get the echo get the echo oh yeah where

are we uh let's see echo how much time remaining on that shit you have one timer a 24 hour timer

with about 20 hours and three minutes left we're still in the 20s milkman we have plenty to go

still man yeah um let me pull i'm gonna post did i post the link yet let me post a link to that

site all the five alive shit closed five below um they all closed at once so what i need to be

looking in uh i don't think there's any in the west coast find out the real upc number actually

yeah we do we gotta get on that i gotta have to find one that might be still open um firmness

Were you gonna do the tip line? Uh, yeah, just tell me like what st. Louis, Missouri. Okay. All right. Hold on. Let me

All right, I wonder if Walmart sells the cat a corn to maybe it's not just five below

What's up?

Donation coming from Gordo. Hey Jack hella Quinn the weird clown and

Parkman thanks everyone for helping

thank you hey let me speak on gordo real quick not to be rude or nothing but gordo got me all

excited about the new star trek and then i tried to talk to him about it before it started and

completely ignored me it has not answered me at all for my messages and i don't know why he

he's like that i don't know why he has to be like that unthoughtful and hateful and ignorant

ignorant about me that's pretty rude you get me excited about a show and i try to talk to you

about it about the premiere episode and all that he's just like i like i'm not even there like i'm

talking to a wall. Thanks, Gordo.

Do you have him on Snapchat? No, I don't Snapchat.

That's the whole thing. Oh, okay.

Because I don't like pictures, you know?

Yes.

I don't like to be

visually assaulted. No.

Alright, are you ready

for... Yeah, it's not a picture

show. Alright, Nunu.

It's a radio show, not fat picture

show. It ain't no fucking game.

We need to get Milkman back into

the chat so we can

chain. Oh, yeah.

Hey, can we get our Dominican friend in here, by the way?

We have a Dominican friend?

Uh, what's his name?

What, the dead?

Yeah, the dead.

Oh, the dead.

That's right.

Oh, man.

Have you heard from him, Milkman?

Did he ever call you?

He called me one day, drunk, saying, I need to talk to Milkman.

I'm like, well, call him.

I don't know, man.

Listen, I don't know.

I haven't heard from him.

Really?

Yeah, I told him.

I was like, I'm going to give you his number.

Are you going to call him?

He's like, yeah.

I think maybe change his number.

Yeah, I think he's changed it a few times.

because that wife that he had,

I think, had thrown his phones at him

and shit and brain.

Milkman, let me tell you something.

I was sabotaged by Carlito.

He told me that the dead

had sobered up, and that he wanted

to get back into doing pranks.

That's what he told me!

I added the dead back

into the fray.

He was drunker than shit.

He told me he was

sober!

He derailed like the last half of the show

And like I had to remove him

And then he's leaving me voicemails

How long did it last

How long ago

What was that about a month and a half ago

Yeah he was like

He was leaving me voicemails after I removed him

He's like fine you removed me bro

Fine

Too cool for you bro

How long did he last on the show

Oh last on the show

I left him on for a good

45 minutes

and like that was pushing oh my god yeah i i was really tolerating him like to the highest level

like trying to just give him a little bit of something to do yeah dude i'm telling you it's

not i did it's not my fault man he told me he was sober and he wanted to do pranks and he was

depressed that the wife isn't like all right well hey i'll hook you up with dwight and they do pranks

a lot you know not even on the air and he's like okay all right i'm sober now i have a job i

delivering newspapers like all right great and then the next i thought he was on uber or lyft

or something i don't know i don't know what he's doing dude i don't fucking know i don't know

honestly i don't yeah let's play here he had a restaurant with that girl he married that girl

and then he had a restaurant that girl left him because dude that girl was crazy though didn't

she like boil water once and throw it out well yeah yeah his face called it off during the first

The first two months he was here back in the States, his face got boiled off.

She broke, like, iPads.

She broke several iPads.

Oh, my God.

Dude, it was the Thanksgiving show one year where I called him,

and he, like, talked about how he lost his virginity with the woman,

the nurse who was on her period at the same time.

Oh, my God, man.

I'm like, yeah, so today, what's your favorite position?

He's like, I like it when the girl is facing the other way.

I'm like, oh, all right.

You mean, like, reverse cowgirl?

Yeah.

I'm like, oh, okay.

All right, cool.

Cool. Here's a voicemail of his. Let's see what this sounds like.

You know what, Carlito? I was gonna get fired yesterday.

So instead of being fired, they gave me a promotion.

One guy...

What?

A promotion.

They fired him. They gave him a demotion.

Is it a promotion, I think?

Yeah, he got promoted instead of demotion.

Is it a promotion? Hang on, let me keep playing this.

It's a demotion, I thought.

He liked my attitude and how much I work.

and he told me to he told them to switch me over to his department so he's my boss now and uh he

told he said yesterday to them he said he's gonna keep me on board because he likes my attitude and

stuff okay cool that's all right here's the next one all right i last heard from him october 22nd

let's see so i'm permanent there's only two other people that are permanent in his department

and i'm the third one so you know i'm in it over there i'm um he he likes my attitude he

like talking to me and shit i talk to my co-workers over there i help them and everything

Everything else like that.

So he decided to keep me on board.

that's awesome there's two more messages and again this is uh probably passed out drunk yeah

this is five weeks ago

I haven't heard from him since

he lost his job today

yeah that was five weeks ago

what else

you know what

Carlito

that's a

trap a hot show

mucho

malito

duro

um

duro

trap a hot show

okay

last one

27 seconds

in those

fucking

one pound boxes

fucking

every

fucking

second

and

every second

and putting them onto fucking pallets.

The worst part of that fucking job

is at the end of the day

where you have to wrap all those fucking pallets up.

That's the worst motherfucking part.

Maybe he did...

He sounded pretty sober there last time I heard from him.

All right, here's September.

He was depressed for a while.

Toledo, yo.

Yo, carry a boy, um...

What?

a little i want to fucking more pranks with you bro um let's do something man let's let's set

something up fuck that shit you know all right here's august my uh my stepdaughter is coming

back wednesday oh shit i remember this one this was the one he was afraid like he was gonna have

Is that his step-brother?

His step-daughter must come. His step-daughter.

His daughter?

Oh, that girl's kid!

Oh my gosh, really?

She's gonna see me

completely sober.

Completely sober.

See, at first

I thought it was gonna say completely naked.

That's what I thought.

Not on anything.

I don't know if she can love

me or hate me sober.

We got an incoming call.

Oh, can I take it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know.

Thank you for calling customer service.

My name is Parkman.

How can I help you?

Yeah, I'd like to be added to your do not call list.

I'm sorry, we've reached our quota for the day.

Would you like to try again for another time?

Sure.

Okay, what day would you like to try for?

We'll enter you into the lottery.

Customer service.

Thank you.

No, thank you.

What can I help you with?

Hello.

I'd like to be added to the do not call list.

Oh, no, I can't do that in this department.

I've got to transfer you over to this woman.

She's going to handle it.

Thank you.

Hello?

Yeah, can you hear me?

Hello?

Yes, hello.

Hello?

Hi, I can hear you.

Yeah, I'd like to be added to the do not call list.

Well, how does it feel to want?

You're kind of a joke, man.

Hey, don't you talk, motherfucker.

I'm helping someone else right now.

You get in line, and you sit there like a good little bitch.

Why would I sit here?

I'm not talking to you.

You sit down like a bitch while I'm helping this gentleman.

and he waited. He's

first up. What can I help you with, sir?

I'm sorry for that interruption.

Hey, you shut up. This gentleman

he's first. You're third

and then that woman, she's fourth.

What can I help you with? I would like to be

put on your do not call list.

It's 1130 out here.

Okay, well, I'm thinking of a number

between one and two and if you guess

the right number, you'll be removed. Two.

Sorry, it was one. Removal denied.

Please hang up and try again later.

This is, like, amazing.

All right, now it's your turn, asshole, because he was denied.

What do you want?

I don't want anything.

What do you want?

Are you two trying to hook up together?

Are you trying to touch his dirty dick and put it inside of you?

I don't have to put up with this.

It's Thanksgiving, and I'm working.

How do you think that makes me feel?

The fact that you have to work right now.

It's like you're a comedian.

Comedian?

Yeah, I can hear it in my voice.

No, I hate this fucking job.

I'm trying to get far from this job.

How is this even possible?

It's smart.

It's good.

I went to college, and I'm working here.

Like, you think it makes me happy?

to sleep man because it's like a prank waste of time i don't know what's going on but i'm gonna

stick around for a while because this is entertaining me so you should hang up though

oh i know i know i this is i i picked up the phone because they're calling my my mother-in-law

so i just decided to pick up the phone and figure out what's going on but now i'm just gonna hang

out for a while because it's interesting but you're not gonna hang up tie up my line and then

i'm not gonna be able to make sales and then i'm gonna get fired then i'm gonna have to go

and i hope you get fired i hope you get fired like immediately i hope so you you use words

like dick and pussy so so i mean fired for 100 i'm sure you're 300 pounds so i don't really

use it anyway and you just offended that woman that's on my line and you're gonna get me in

trouble oh did i offend her oh my god ma'am i'm sorry that this man offended you this this social

justice warrior offended you you're offended is everyone offended you know and i want to let you

you know that we're all adults here and we can use adult language without being offended okay cool

well i'm not offended you're the one talking about being offended so well it's because i'm in customer

service and i have to think about everything joke you sound like a 12 year old yeah well you sound

like you're a donald trump supporter so i guess we're both on the same plane i guess yeah he's my

favorite his hair man what do you think he uses his product like i don't know i'm not gonna play

your games conditioner both you think it's all i'm not gonna get on the same level as a donald

trump supporter you're not i don't want to click again i'm going back to bed okay this man wants

to go with you i'm just gonna stay on the sales sir you're taking my percentages down hello

customer service yes i pushed a button oh congratulations one and they just get dispatched

into this number customer service may i help you you know it's a pretty good night out here

yes that's the problem here there's some weird number that's calling everybody and if you hit

one and it pulled you into this deal this is just a big weird thing it's just it's one of those

things man you just gotta deal with it i think everybody needs to hang up i don't know what's

happening to me customer service can't help you can you shut up how do i get my number off your

list you're stupid you pull your dick out a lot of calls i got one just a little while ago pull

Pull your dick out.

I've got another one.

Pull your dick out.

Hmm?

Pull your dick out.

Hey, prank phone call.

You want to hang up, I promise.

Shut up, asshole.

I'm not going to shut up.

I'm going to stay here all night.

Yeah, I'm sure you are.

You get prank phone calls.

It's not.

It's not a prank call phone call, sir.

Customer service, how can I help you?

Well, you can help me by not calling me at damn near midnight.

Well, you can shut up.

How about that?

This is the computer calling you, not me.

Well, it could do, but we don't appreciate it.

Oh, too bad, then.

And we're going to call, and the computer's going to keep calling until you let me know.

Do you want to get taken off the call list?

That would be wonderful.

The first thing is to apologize for talking to me like that.

I'm sorry, but you folks are pretty rude to me to get me there on the phone.

You don't have a right to talk to me like that.

I'm a human being, and I'm not deaf.

Do you understand that part?

Do you understand the part, motherfucker?

And that's the way it goes.

Do you understand that part, motherfucker, you?

Hello?

Customer service, how can I help you?

My name is Penis.

How can I help you?

Your name is Loser.

Very good.

Yeah.

Well, I'm sorry, but, you know, when you call people at midnight or darn near...

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

It makes it hard for anybody to be polite.

Shut up, shut up, asshole.

You be quiet.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, shut the fuck up.

You sit down and have a seat.

You eat with that mouth, too?

Yeah, I kiss your mom with that mouth.

That's my service, man.

Good.

I'm glad you are into narcolepsy.

I'm glad you're into narcolepsy.

I hope you.

Yes, you can.

I love you.

Yes.

Yeah, stupid.

Okay, can I help you?

I was just connected to this line.

Can I please be taken off the line?

This is hilarious.

How many people are getting called in to the same group chat?

This is like an internet group chat.

Shut up.

It's none of your business.

Hey, the one guy on the phone sounds like the homeless guy with the golden voice.

Put the wife on the phone with the big tits.

Put your wife on the phone.

Let's talk to her with a big vagina.

Put your wife on the phone.

I want to fuck her on the phone.

Are you?

Are you on the phone?

You're on the phone?

How is that even possible?

You're on the phone, fucker.

Talk dirty to her while she touches herself. Oh god. It'll be so fun. It's called phone sex

I do to all the girls that come around here

Customer service guys. What do you do? What are you calling here? Who your mom your mom is the monitor?

Racist

Who's the monitor?

Hello?

Yeah, no, I just...

Whoa, is there a customer service here?

I just put you on mute.

Can I be taken off?

I just put you on mute at will.

I want to be taken off your list.

I just put you on mute at will, and you can't do anything about it.

May I help you?

Do you understand?

I put you on mute at will.

You don't bother us.

When you start talking, I hit a button, and you...

Oh, well, put me on...

There you go.

Just like that, asshole.

Stupid.

You see?

Put me on mute at will.

There you go.

i hear our prank call radio show yeah i want to hear it all day yeah okay good kdk hey take me

off your list really that's you know you can hear yourself on there right now i hope so go go there

go there we have one person not talking i put that guy on hold and uh here comes an incoming

call milkman take this one milkman's gonna do a prank call oh my god customer service would you

Mr. May, do you realize it's 11.36 at night and you're calling me?

And this is the second call I've gotten from you folks.

Well, I didn't realize that.

Let me set my clock here.

What time was it?

11.36.

I got 11.36.

Well, thank you so much for letting me know what time it is.

Well, don't call people at 11.36 at night, for God's sake.

What?

How am I going to find out what time it is?

This is not funny.

I know you think it's humorous, but it is not funny.

This is customer service.

This is not funny.

That is correct.

May I help you?

I don't care.

Why are you calling people after they've gone to bed?

I didn't call you.

You called customer service.

No, I didn't call anybody.

I pressed one so I could talk to a real person.

You pressed a number and called customer service.

This had better not happen again.

I mean it.

Here, lady, this is Thanksgiving, and you need to tell me what you want.

I've been working all day.

What I want for you is to quit making your phone calls at 1130 at night.

I'm not calling you.

I'm working.

All right.

That's enough.

May I help you?

Yeah, right.

Milkman.

All right, let's go back up a hole.

All right, Milkman.

That was awesome.

Wow.

Oh, my God.

Customer service.

Hey, how you doing, buddy?

Oh, my God.

I'm doing great.

Did you go to the show website yet?

Yeah, I was there.

It was so great.

What does it look like, then, asshole?

It looks like, you know, kind of like a glory hole.

No, it doesn't.

It's just a joke.

Yeah, it's just like a big black hole.

It's just a joke that we say.

Big black hole of nothing.

No, you're fucking stupid.

You're such a pussy.

Am I?

Oh, my God.

Thank you.

You're such a fucking pussy.

You wouldn't even go to the website.

That's a great compliment.

Okay, are you about done?

No.

Okay, all right.

I'll put you back on hold, too.

All right, we'll waste some more income.

I'm really drunk.

we're wasting

some more

in comic

halls right

now

in the

meantime

I just

want to

he hung

up finally

who won

yeah guys

high five

everybody

high fives

all around

yeah

we won

that one

yeah

I heard

the wife

bitching

at me

you know

how wives

are right

Baz does

he's the only

other married

one here

Milkman

he ain't

never been

married

hey Carlito

hey

check the

gourd in

the skype

conference

that we're

in right

now

I will

hey Milkman

congratulations

Congratulations. That was a good prank call, man.

That was great. Good work, man.

Did I do one?

Yeah, you did. That was good.

That was awesome.

Is that guy on the line still, or is he gone?

He left. He finally dropped.

Thank you.

That guy was tough.

He's a fucking hard nut to crack, so to say.

Okay.

Check my gourd. Would that be...

No, no.

In the conference.

Yes, yes. That's what gourd is.

I knew that.

gonna check it out

the most recent message that I sent

gonna check the most recent message sent

after I start playing this song

that I gotta find

just bear with me

do do do do do do do do do do do

do we want MF Doom

or do we want Vaporware

everybody make your decision now

Peach Fuzz

dude that's a good song

I haven't played that in a while

fuck yeah man

that's what I'm talking about

look at Dwight over here

with the good ideas

Peach Fuzz

tell you about my overeating hey what's up america's most wanted prank caller brad carla

brad carler how you doing brad caller i'm drunk i know you love dealing with me when i'm drunk

i know brad loves dealing with me when i'm drunk oh my gosh it's brad yeah hey brad what you got

planned for us at uh in 90 minutes or so less than that whatever it is you got anything special

or just gonna shoot the shit yeah pretty much i just haven't planned a thing i don't know what

i'm gonna do i should probably find some lists or something i don't do shit i always do probably

yeah yeah you'll get back into getting customer info what could go wrong

what kind of lawsuit could happen you know lightning never strikes twice that's true well

he could be one of those guys that gets struck by lightning several times and needs to get geico

insurance maybe you get the reference maybe not bass because you're not a true fan

man yeah well yeah uh brad thank you for joining us good to have you here uh you go on at 4 a.m

eastern 1 p.m at 1 a.m pacific uh i gotta lower my voice because the dog is crying out there

because i'm so loud um speaking of which firmest did you want to still do that call to the

tip line are you still down for that that sure okay all right let me get that number back

this is a number from big park man we also have those uk numbers i know that big baby

bass is interested in doing some of those i pulled the wrong version of the song

all right here you go good luck with that for me back to you hi how's it going i'm good how are

you hey uh this is jackson i'm security at st louis galleria okay and i just have a tip uh we

We have Lindsay Lohan here who's shopping in the mall after hours.

And I just wanted to let you know, like, if, you know, you're looking for some hot tips.

Why in the heck would Lindsay Lohan be in St. Louis?

I have no idea, but she's with Justin Bieber and they're, like, kissing on each other and making out and, like, doing all sorts of crazy shit.

They're in the Apple store right now after hours.

They opened the entire mall just for them.

And what's your name?

This is Jackson.

I'm security at the mall.

Okay.

Could you, would you be allowed?

But I want it to be anonymous, okay?

I don't want this to be in, like, any publication or anything like that.

Okay.

All right, well, thank you for calling, Jackson.

And they got, like, a bunch of stuff from Auntie Anne's, too.

Like, I think they're going to mess up their figure if they keep eating like this.

Are you going to send people down?

Because, like, I could open the doors for, like, I could find some good ways for you to get, like, some photos or whatever.

Okay.

Okay, well.

I mean, are you interested or should I call TMZ?

Because it doesn't sound like you're interested.

Well, I don't know how you're going to get a hold of TMZ,

but it's not that I'm not interested.

I'm just trying to figure out if we have anyone that we can send out there.

Do you want to put me on hold and find out?

Because I can call up another place, too.

Can I get a phone number from you, and I can give you a call back?

I don't know if I can make outgoing calls.

I'm just using a friend's phone right now.

I mean, can I call you back in, like, 20 minutes?

Yeah, sure.

Because technically we're closed right now,

and I think it'll probably go to, like, the voicemail at the mall.

okay so call back in like what 15 minutes 20 minutes yeah sure okay sounds good thank you

bye bye make sure you remind me of that then for okay all right good deal uh sleep sounds number

for not for prank calling why this number is supposed to play sounds to help you sleep really

hang on let me check that out milkman you might be interested in this you're really into trying

to like go into these sleep cycles what are they called uh what's that thing where you sleep and

Hello. Can't sleep? Choose from one of the following menu options.

Press star to return to the main menu at any time.

Press 1 to hear the relaxing sounds of the ocean.

Press 2 to listen to wind chimes blowing in the wind.

Press 3 to travel back in time to the 1990s.

Press 4 to undergo hypnosis.

Press 5 for a motivational speech.

Press 6, speak with the grandma who misses you.

Press 7 to learn the history of the cocktail weenie.

Yeah.

History of the Cocktail Whiner?

Press 8 to hear Jaleel White sing you a lullaby.

Press 9 to merge into the conference hall with the marketing team that came up with this-

That is the sound of the 90s, I get it.

It's nice.

That's very 90s.

Alright, let's call it back.

Now I wanna hear Jaleel White.

Fuck yeah.

Hello.

Can't sleep?

Nope.

From one of the following menu options.

Press star to return to the main menu at any time.

Oh, I could've hit star the whole time, shit.

Press 1 to hear the relaxing sounds of the ocean.

It's the beach, not the ocean.

Hello, can't sleep? Choose from one of the following menu options. Press star to return to the main menu at any time.

Press 1 to hear the relaxing sounds of the ocean. Press 2 to listen to wind chimes blowing in the wind.

Hello, can't sleep? Choose from one of the following menu options. Press star to return to the main menu at any time.

Press 1 to hear the relaxing sounds of the ocean. Press 2 to listen to wind chimes blowing-

Is this how to smoke weed properly?

Yeah.

Alright, so let's try five, which is the motivational speech I think.

...and be the best you can be, then save me.

It's gonna be so successful.

I can't...

My penis just crawled back up.

You don't look like you've been eating.

Make you a nice casserole.

It's cold out.

You know, waving a smile.

What was six supposed to be?

...and a bread.

You're seven.

Hello.

It's your grandma.

This is it.

Oh, that was the grandma one, yeah.

The history of the Cocktail Wiener.

Ah, yes.

The Cocktail Wiener is a tiny sausage,

oftentimes served on a toothpick or a plastic sword.

But this whimsical meat snack is so much more than a tasty treat.

As you will soon learn,

the Cocktail Wiener has a long and fascinating history.

I get it.

All right.

Time for that now.

It's a little what?

Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

How I wonder what you are.

Up above the world so high.

You're gay.

You had sex with Penny Hardaway.

Hello.

Okay.

All right, everyone.

This is a brainstorm.

Remember, there are no bad ideas.

Right.

So what about my podcast thing?

That's a bad idea.

Everyone has a podcast.

Yeah, okay.

But did you hear that one about sandwiches?

You know, you mentioned it.

I'm listening to a podcast.

Hello.

Zero.

Can't sleep.

Nothing.

Choose from one of the following menu options.

All right, well, that was fun, everybody.

Let's hear it for the main menu at any time.

Press one to hear the relaxation.

All right.

That was interesting.

Star Shower Slideshow.

Okay, Star Shower Slideshow.

This is an infomercial for the Star Shower Slideshow.

I have no idea what it is.

Let's look at the website and figure it out.

BuySlideshow.com.

Stand by.

You are now calling outside the regular business hours of 7 a.m. and 12 midnight Eastern time Monday.

Here's the window wonderland.

Apple.

Does Apple's not be open?

That's right.

I had some fun examples back in the year.

Holiday decorating outside is hard work.

I think they're going to be close to this one.

Cold weather, thorny bushes, and the same boring stuff year after year.

Thank you for calling the Windows on Your Name waterline for the $59.99.

All callers will receive free shipping on your order.

This call may be recorded for quality purposes.

Our easy-to-use automated ordering system is secure.

Status.

And designed to offer you the lowest possible price on Windows.

This is going to be close to you.

I can tell because the website looks identical, just with a different product.

That means they're the same company.

Just my guess.

Next one, Active Bright Teeth Whitening System.

Okay.

Mr. Producer, can we get some more incoming calls at all?

That was fun.

This is actually like the real legit version of Peach Fuzz with the whole lyrics.

Thank you for calling the customer service department.

Return your call during those hours.

I don't think these infomercials are open in the apartment.

Some of them are open 24 hours, but I don't think these are, especially not on the weekend.

We'll try the California charcoal peel-off mask.

Thank you for calling the Black Off order line for just $19.99, plus $6.99 shipping and handling.

This call may be recorded for quality purposes.

our easy to use automated ordering system is secure and designed to offer

you the lowest possible price on black off to place your order please say

order or price it is currently outside of business hours all right I'm done I'm

not gonna try no more infomercials their Parkman I think they're all closer okay

let me go to the five below website see if I can locate one that might be open

Maybe we'll get some more incoming calls

Not sure

Again thanks to everyone

Who's tuning in right now

We have a lot of people tuned in

I would like to thank you all

363 people

Plus 20

Something on shoutcast

400 people

I can't imagine that's legit

But it might be

I don't know

Maybe

Never know

Yeah you never know

You never never know

Alright

Five

Store locator

Five below

Wants to know my location

Alright

Can you

Someone give me a city

Like I'm

In the west coast

Let's see

What can I do

I don't think there's any

California shit

One to

Oregon

Or

Well maybe not

Cause

Oh yeah

What are you trying to do to Brad over there?

How about Idaho?

Spokane?

Idaho?

Spokane is a good place.

Yeah, Spokane is good.

Spokane?

I've never heard of that.

It's in my state, but...

Oh, you'll be fine.

What's the worst that could happen?

Oh, I love Spokane.

I really don't think there's any in the West Coast.

That's kind of interesting.

You looking for it?

I'm looking in the 100 mile range of Seattle, Washington

Nothing, Boise, nothing

I'm trying Portland

How about Missoula, Montana

Missoula

Let's see, how do you spell that shit

M-I-S-S-O-U-L-A

I think

Great

It's mountain time

They close at one mountain time

Which means they'd be getting ready to close

Damn, damn, damn

okay uh let's see let's see here uh start st louis st louis mo here we go bingo st louis okay

they're getting ready to close pretty soon but they're open still excellent scan up thank you

appreciate it doesn't let me copy paste from their site so i will have to manually enter it in

hello

Washington this is

my help me help you hello this is cross I'm calling from the corporate office in

Philadelphia how are you I'm doing good how are you we have a crisis oh we need

to pull all the cat catacorn plush toys I sure hear that you have several of

them in stock right now the cat unicorn yes catacorn cat unicorn plus toy oh yeah all right

how many do you have in right now i have no idea to be honest you have no idea how many no i don't

not off the top of my hand top of your head maybe yeah sorry i'm sorry uh can you take a look can

you give me a general idea um i'm actually walking out of the store closing right now so i can kind

Kind of early. Six minutes early.

Huh?

Six minutes early.

Yeah, we got everything done.

That's kind of early, though. Don't you think you should stay there until your shift is over?

No.

What was your name again?

Who are you calling from?

From the corporate office. I'm getting ready to write you up. What's your name?

I'm sorry, sir. I really don't comprehend this right now.

Well, I'm calling from the corporate office. You're leaving before your assigned time.

You're supposed to leave at the top of the hour, so now you're in trouble. What's your name?

Sir, I was told we could leave whenever we got everything done.

You were told wrong.

Who told you that?

My district manager, sir.

Who told you that?

No.

Well, they're wrong, and you're in big trouble.

You're lying.

No, I'm not, sir.

Yes, you are.

You can get a hold of my district manager, and you can tell her that.

No, no.

I want to know who I'm talking to right now.

I'm sorry, sir.

I told you whatever I was going to say.

You can give me the name, and you can give me the name.

I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not going to.

Give me your ID.

I have to walk out of this door now.

Give me your ID.

Your ID number.

Excuse me?

What is your ID number?

Yes, I command you.

I can't.

I command you.

I'm not giving that over the phone.

You're fired.

Don't come back.

You're not my boss.

Yes, I am with the corporate office.

Well, I understand that, sir, but I'm following by my store manager and my district manager, okay?

You can call back in the morning and talk to my district manager.

You're stealing money.

You're stealing money from the company, and that's not acceptable.

Excuse me?

I'm not stealing.

What time is it?

I don't know, sir.

I don't have a watch right now.

It's four minutes till.

You're supposed to leave at the top of the hour.

You're leaving early.

No, you stay there for four more minutes.

So they're all closing right now

She's already ready to go

Holy shit

I've never heard of somebody walking out

Like before their shift was up

I'm DeZell, peace

I'm getting paid for the wait minutes

I leave my job like 30 minutes early all the time

But I don't take breaks

How may I help you?

Yeah

Hello, how are you?

Hi, this is Cross

I'm calling from the corporate office in Philadelphia

Hi, I'm sorry

I couldn't get 5 Below out

how are you i can tell it's been busy night in lincoln plaza store correct this is uh good good

i'm calling from the corporate office we need to pull every single cat unicorn also known as

catacorn plush toy okay how many do you have in stock i have no idea how many do you have out

right now can you go to them please catacorn is it in the ad this week yes it is and it has to

get pulled because it's copying a horsey cat huh there's a product called horsey cat that it's

copying hold on just a minute okay okay hey do i you interested in doing a uh diet coke and mentos

call it's always uh yeah we'll give you a shot the last ones we did were in the uk

Okay, Wafankulo

Wafankulo

It's a dirty

Wafankulo

It's a dirty now

Echo, how much time

How much time remaining, Echo?

You have one timer, about 19 hours and 19 minutes left

It's almost over

19 hours left, yes, go ahead

Can we call that news station back?

Oh yes, it's been time

Okay, let me hang up on this fight blog bullshit

just who cares i'm sure you guys will have better luck tomorrow during the day with that

shit i'm sure you guys will have a great time with that yeah yeah you know because it'd be

normal hours when i'm bothering people all right let me look at that list and get those

hey it's axba it's miriam i'm miriam hi miriam how you doing honey baby i'm all right with my

My son is so moist.

Yeah, we should get a pat that dry.

Yeah.

Put some powder on it.

I don't remember what list he gave that to me.

Okay, here we go.

And that was...

This one here.

Okay, gotcha.

Alright, here we go.

I remember who I spoke with, but that's okay, I guess.

That's alright.

Yeah, some lady.

Oh, we got a new Parkman list, shit.

Connecting was not ringing.

It timed out.

Oh, I lost Milkman.

Milkman's calling me on the walkie-talkie.

I hung up on the wrong person.

That's stuck on connecting.

Hang on.

Let me call Milkman Becks first.

Milkman.

Milkman doesn't know how to use a walkie-talkie properly.

Hang on, Milkman.

Is it over?

He doesn't know how to let the button up so the person can respond.

Yeah, yeah.

Over.

It's stuck on connecting.

Over.

Over now.

Stuck on connecting.

Come on.

The phone machine's fucking up.

I've got a problem with the phone machine.

Oh, no.

You running out of credit?

No, man.

Because I had a good amount of credit in there.

I accidentally double bought credit.

credit last time i bought credit i bought double the amount i hit the button twice and actually

gave me double let's just suck on time out though am i registered that's not good that's a sex

offender if you prank call show if you can't do your call yeah let me respond to him before he

freaks out while we're waiting everyone be sure to check out discord.gg slash pranks yes yes be

sure to get that out and if you'd like to and if you'd like to donate to the doy christmas fund

like uh what a few people did earlier i can run down the list while he's uh correcting

why he's correcting we had uh mr brad carter thank you i had uh hey yay uh green bee uh

we had green bee we had brad carter right there we had uh nick nick j who says i'm brad carter

uh just doing a voice really park it's parkman yeah it is it is uh jack helicoin the uh the

The Weird Clown, Big Daddy Gordo,

Blair,

who says Merry Xmas. Thank you.

Hey, Bell, that me, Forsythe.

Appreciate it.

Let me restart blank here.

Let me restart my SIP client.

We're working just fine.

I posted a bunch of California

5 Below's in the court down here

too. Okay, okay.

Just want to get done with the

tip line. Working on it.

Stand by. My cell phone, see if that

works. Connecting, connecting,

connecting connecting just sitting here and connecting yeesh all right i'll restart the pbx

server give me a second shit well hang on everybody we'll get there uh zax wants to know

if i want uh two dollars or three one dollar baloney coupons uh they all spend the same

they all spend the same yeah he makes them work but you just send them i'll take i'll take in

the same place man i'll fucking use them all you know off-brand everything i'll use baloney coupons

to buy you know fucking deodorant hey be at walmart like oh i got this bar ass let me get

the uh yeah i'll be like oh yeah look at these fucking oscar mara baloney coupons here i'm gonna

buy me some uh right guard deodorant with these yeah that's what you do and don't act like you

didn't say that because you did say that hey you still have not proven anything you you don't have

the audio so so you can't you can't introduce that into into factual evidence in this court

until you have the uh the audio i just gotta figure out what year it happened and i'll find

it trust me i'll get there's a bounty right now there's gonna be a bounty put on this

I'm going to put a bounty on

finding the audio when Dwight said that

on the show one time

I used the expired

bar S baloney

where would I come up with that

where would I come up with baloney coupons

where would I come up with that dude

come on you said it

just like everybody

you were on that llama train about me having diabetes

no dude

false fallacies

I see this one where it's shit

Shit, this sucks.

All right, you figure that out.

I'm going to go kick a leak.

Hey, there we go.

I must have hit the down button.

Is this the news, people?

Yeah, this is Milkman.

Then the...

Oh, okay, okay.

Hey, I figured it out.

Hey, how you doing, customer service?

I figured it out.

Sorry about that, sir.

What the hell is going on over there?

What kind of misfit running operation we got going on there?

This customer service.

Ghetto-ass phone system.

I'm following the plane.

I'm following the thing going.

Yeah, you do that.

I'm sure.

Yeah.

You should file it up your ass.

I don't want to speak to your daggone supervisor.

Hey, Milkman, I liked your prank call.

You should do some more.

Yeah.

This is you from...

Sorry, you're on show.

Talk to you.

Hi, this is Jackson.

I'm calling back regarding the Galleria.

Yes, I was wondering if you had any...

If you were able to get any pictures of them.

Yeah, they're on the other side of the mall right now.

I don't have, like, a professional...

I just got released from the penitentiary,

so i have like a flip phone with like 0.5 gigapixels or whatever i'm not sure like what

they told me i can't take good pictures okay okay um well and there's no way you can leave a phone

number for us no because the they're closed right now like we're opening the mall just for them like

they got their own like entourage and all this kind of stuff there's no customers here so like

my idea is like if you guys wanted to come by i could like have you guys come in as like security

or something and like if you just wanted to wear like one of the um cameras that we have for

security because we all carry like body cams or whatever and then you could get like whatever

photos you wanted or whatever okay um well unfortunately i think with it being the holiday

and stuff we just really don't have any staff right now so i don't think we're going to be

able to send anybody but if at any point through the night you are able to get any pictures or

anything um just feel free to call us back okay like what type of continent would you want to see

I'm sorry?

Like, what type of content would you want to see?

What type of continent?

I mean, just any pictures of the two of them would work, you know, just to show that they're actually there.

Because, yeah, they've been, like, making out and, like, biting each other's ear and all this kind of stuff.

Like, it's just, like, weird, like, eccentric type of things that's been going on.

They, like, they were throwing frozen turkeys, like, earlier when, like, the mall closed.

they were in their like van outside and they had like all these turkeys that they were throwing

around it was crazy just throwing around in the parking lot yeah like frozen turkeys that is very

strange yeah okay okay well like i said we just really don't have anyone working tonight with it

being the holiday so but um if you so you're like a mickey mouse news operation you're not like

you're like fake news what donald trump has talked about right okay jackson have a great night thanks

Okay, triggered. Okay, bye.

Oh my god, you basically just called

them the N-word.

Oh my god.

Oh, she did not like that.

Oh man, that was worse.

You ever hear that when they reference that?

When you call us fake news, you're basically

calling us the N-word.

Really?

Oh yeah, there's been reporters

that actually reference that. They said it's on the

same level as calling a practice whatever journal that's ridiculous i'll pull the article hang on

i'll find it no i believe that someone said that because like there's some crazy sjw people but

like that's ridiculous oh man they got um let's start calling malacca's i got malacca's in the

uk bass is really excited about this like eight hours ago or something let's see if i need them

pick up this is all new numbers i can't make any guarantees here goes oh shit even better it was

chris uh chris como to set it really he said yeah that was chris como from cnn that said it

homo chrome like google chrome the google chrome marvel did you hear about that

lavar ball or whatever made fun of his last name google chrome

yeah the question that's going to get anybody to answer let me try to just call our ids maybe

i think that might just be new new i think it's just new new right this is caliber numbers

uh shit kind of running out of gas and running out of ideas i don't know the incoming call

stopped i don't want to impose on uh on the producer um unless it's a technical issue in

my point my part that they're not coming in he dropped out of the conference he probably went

to sleep by now actually to be honest with you that might be what happened let's get his home

number wake him up yeah let's do that uh dial vision yeah i'm sure he would appreciate it

if i didn't uh dial doing it to everyone else fuck him let's see if dial vision is open i doubt it

it's currently outside of business yeah yeah no more infomercial calls they got me again

ball maybe this will be 48 minutes of uh no fucking ring oh i fucking love that i heard

hillock loves when that shit happens favorite part of the show i go just sitting there again

gives me a chubby the producer leave did he leave he did i haven't had communication for about 45

five minutes yeah i think it's up all right all right i can handle this i can handle this let me

think oh it's called some indian restaurant man fuck them up las vegas always comes in handy here

it's cool tow trucks man tow truck people get real pissed yeah you have a good history with

tow truck people oh yeah just yelling at him where the fuck is my car oh do i tell the people

about what we did remember oh uh when we jumped the uh fountain in front of the bellagio or the

the other thing is that what you're referencing yeah oh yeah yeah uh what me and uh firmus there

we called a tow truck company and firmus was a stuntman and uh we call this tow truck company

and tell him that firmus uh set up a stunt in front of the bellagio to propose to his girlfriend

and uh he jumped his uh he was trying to jump the fountain in front of the bellagio but he missed

and he's like he fucking nailed dead center into the fountain and we needed this tow truck company

me to come out and uh tow him out of the fountain so what happened is like i i pretend to be from

the bellagio and said we had this guy in our office and uh that uh we we needed him to come

out you know because all our fish in the fucking fountain were gonna die and uh so i was getting

some information from him i was like well i gotta go out and get a pen and as i fake went out of

the office firm has picked up the phone to start shit talking the uh tow truck company about how

he's gonna open his own tow truck company and shut their little operation down in all this

different it was hilarious it was good it was good stuff and the entire time he was talking

back zero zero zero he said he had a disability because he was from new york that's hilarious

somewhere please be talking to me hello you man uh i could i know waffle house is open

I think we can try that waffle.

Oh, like I get some heat?

Oh, yeah.

Eggs with heat, always fun.

Yeah, let's have fun with that.

Unless you guys have a better idea, I don't know.

Oh, you gotta get that heat now.

Ooh, Omelette House, the competitor.

Ooh.

They don't open until 7, never mind.

No waffle houses in Las Vegas, really?

Come on, I thought they'd be ripe for waffle houses.

No shit.

Jeez.

Like, there should be a waffle house, like, within, like, I don't know, like, 500 yards of a bar.

Give it.

Especially this time of night.

All right, here's one from Colorado.

Come on, something's got to answer here.

We can make it go.

Longmont.

Hi, I'd like to make an order.

Is this Longmont?

Yes.

Is the Potion Castle near here?

The what?

The Potion Castle.

I have no idea what the Potion Castle is.

It's in Longmont.

Never mind.

Yeah, I'd like to make an order, though.

Okay, what can I get you?

I'd like an order, let's see here, one eggs.

How do you want those cooked?

With heat.

You want those cooked with heat?

Heat, yeah.

yeah i mean like you want scrambled over light medium hard over heat okay what else can i get

you uh one meat what kind of meat uh breakfast meat you want sausage ham bacon pork ham pork

what pork pork right i just listed all the pork things very good i'll take that i'll take that

very good what is that i need do you want ham hot meat do you want sausage hot meat do you want

bacon hot meat you don't care what kind of meat it is no put the girl on the line the one in the

back was giggling so much she thinks it's so funny whoa this is autumn yeah hey autumn how

you doing i love girls whose name starts with a uh i just like your name it's very nice uh did

you like that joke about the meat i didn't even know that it was a joke honestly oh yeah well

serious yeah i want to give you the meat oh okay yeah i'm gonna punch i'm gonna put it up to like

Like random girls?

Yeah, and then I'm going to put a ring on my finger.

On my finger.

I'm going to punch you real hard in the head.

In the temple.

Okay, then.

Yeah, and then I want to see your menstrual cycle.

I'm sorry.

I've been drinking.

You're good.

So far, I have an over easy or over light.

Yeah, over easy.

Do you want ham, bacon, or sausage?

Pork.

Okay.

Sounds good.

You know what porking is?

Yeah, I know that.

I know what that is.

Oh, well, let me put my brother-in-law on the phone.

Maybe he can make more sense or make this better.

Okay, sounds good.

I'm just, you know, I don't have it in me anymore.

Go ahead.

Brother-in-law, whoever you are.

Hello?

Yeah.

What do you got so far on the order?

You got a pickup?

Yeah.

What do you got on the order so far?

You're mumbling really bad.

What do you got on the order so far?

Hey, I'm the other brother-in-law.

Will you shut up?

What are you going to order so far, lady?

What?

Bitch, order.

You started to do an order.

You got egg nipples?

Are you going to finish it, or are you just going to sit on the phone and make fruit jokes?

You got egg nipples?

You got big old egg nipples?

Flocky egg nipples?

Tweak that.

I think we're all a little batty right now.

We're just like, yeah, yeah.

I am.

Yeah, that's good.

We're going to ruin it for Brad.

We're going to take the funny out of Brad.

Thank you for calling Red Roofie

in Norfolk, Deerfield, Illinois.

To reach a guest, dial the room number.

For reservations, dial 777.

Let's find Michelle and call her.

Oh, Joe.

Happy Thanksgiving, Michelle.

Dude, nothing is cooperating.

Nothing is cooperating.

Call Horny Howard.

Hello, Horny Howard.

Call Charlie.

Howie Howard.

I used to call Howard only on holidays

after the first encounter.

Thank you for calling Red Roof, you know.

Thank you for calling.

Can we call Charlie?

We can.

I don't know whether or not he answers.

He usually forges his cell phone during the holidays, which is good,

which is good because I know he's closed.

I know we've called him on Thanksgiving before and he's been closed.

Let me try this other Red Roof instead.

I'm trying to maybe we can get some, you know, room number, you know, rooms, you know.

It's always fun.

I know Red Roof always lets you do that.

Hey, do you ever try KDK?

Thank you for calling the Red Roof.

I tried to cell phone and a very rude Hispanic lady answered the phone and told me to stop

calling.

Oh, shit.

You are being transferred to...

Wow.

Didn't we have his home number, though?

I believe you did.

Red Roof Inn, O'Hare, Arlington Heights is located at 221...

You are being transferred to a guest.

Don't give the address out, computer machine.

You are being transferred to the operator.

Shit.

Anyone want the operator of the Red Roof Inn?

I think she needs to flip all the switches.

great this is i don't think we've had an answer in a while now except for the uh the giggly uh

girls at the waffle house here's come on come on you'll definitely you'll get an answer oh you told

me to spoof their id too late now aloha you have reached duck kind bail bonds if you're checking

in hit pound to skip this message if you need a bail bond give us your name and phone number

hey that was great dwight yeah what was that supposed to be it was dog the bounty hunter

Oh, was it really?

Usually, you know, forward to his cell phone and you can talk to him.

That's pretty cool.

Talk to a celebrity.

Here's a different Red Roof.

I can't even get the Red Roof in.

Thank you for calling the Red Roof in Chicago Downers Grove.

Hello,

this is Kyle Brady with Red Roof in Chicago Downers Grove.

This is Dale.

Should I help you?

Hey, how you doing?

Sir.

All right.

I don't care.

I need a room.

I don't want any, like, does the room smell good?

Does it have a nice smell to it?

What do you mean?

Well, I mean, I can't burn candles in there, can I?

As long as you don't burn nothing down, I don't see a problem with it.

Well, I can't guarantee it, so that's what I'm saying.

You can't guarantee burning the room down?

Well, I've been drinking.

Oh, well, I wouldn't do that.

I wouldn't recommend it.

Yeah, I hear you.

I hear you.

Are you Union?

Are we Union here?

Yeah.

No.

That's good, because usually you people like to be in the union, you know, so you can be lazy.

Uh, no.

No.

Hey, uh, what do you got going on?

What are your, how much is a room?

You tell me.

How much is a room?

Uh.

What?

I got $62.99 and $67.99.

What's the $5 difference?

I get a pool?

One has a refrigerator.

No.

One has a refrigerator and a microwave in it for the $67.99.

Right.

And it has a king-size bed and a large work desk.

And the other one doesn't have anything to stand it on.

It just has a floor.

It just has two beds in it.

Two full-size beds.

It just has floor and bed, that's it?

Mm-hmm.

Does it have toilet?

Yeah, it got all that in there.

How does the toilet work?

It's just a standard room.

How does the toilet work?

You just use it and you flush it.

Hold on one second, okay?

How do I use it?

Can I ask him a question?

Yeah, hold on one second, okay?

Oh, okay. Thank you, Bobo.

Alright.

I like this song when it breaks down.

Coming up in a second.

Wait, when he picks up?

Yeah, probably pick up.

Well, he didn't, obviously.

Shit.

Don't worry, we'll call this Italian guy who puts Mentos into that Coke.

See if he's there.

Alright, this is going great.

Let's see, back to the map.

There's another Waffle House.

Did someone else try a Waffle House?

Should we throw some eggs or something out?

Throw eggs at the breaker box?

This is Steve Day from the corporate office with Waffle House.

Hello?

This is Steve Dave from the corporate office with Waffle House.

Yes, sir.

Yeah.

Hey, I was wondering, were you having problems with your computers there?

Because we're going to have to resettle.

I'm not sure.

I'm the grill operator, but let me let you speak to one of the cashiers.

Oh, that's cool.

I actually need the grill operator because you're closer to the switches.

Oh, I don't know anything about the register.

Yeah, you just put the switches on the wall.

You know the breaker box?

You know the big gray box with all the switches in it?

In the back?

Yeah, you've got to flip them all.

like in the song.

It'll just take a second.

Where's the other girl?

I'll go to her.

I'll follow instructions.

Hi, this is Michelle.

Hello.

Hey, I'm calling from the corporate office

with Waffle House.

Hi, yeah.

Hey, can you hear me?

This is Michelle.

Can you hear me?

I'm calling from the corporate office.

You're kind of breaking up,

but I heard that, yeah.

It's because it's so loud there

and it's a VoIP line, you know?

Right, right.

We just need you to go to the breaker box.

You know where the circuit breaker box is?

The gray box with all the switches?

Okay, we're just going to start flipping those one at a time.

It's going to fix the computers.

Okay, hold on. Let me get them open here.

Yeah, we're going to start with panel A and just start flipping.

It's fine. It'll go back up power, and, you know, it's fine.

There'll be enough power left in the wires, so it won't do anything.

Flip it off and then flip it back on?

Can you turn off every switch one at a time?

Okay, so I'm doing one, two, go back.

I've got, like, a bonnet or a lock on it.

Do you have a Leatherman on you?

I'm sorry?

A hammer?

Oh, no, just skip three.

It's fine.

We'll just hit the main switch after.

That'll take care.

No, I'm saying it won't switch off.

It's like a bolt on it.

Oh, that's dangerous.

There's like a screw and a bolt on it.

You should take that off.

It won't switch off.

A hammer?

You know what would take care of switch number three?

Throw some sausage patties at it or something.

Yeah, I can't get it.

I don't know what screw on.

It's screwed on here.

It's a bolt or something.

It's okay.

Just forget that one.

It's switched off.

Just move on to four.

It's okay.

That's on three.

Next.

Are you flipping them?

My name is Michelle.

Oh, hey, Michelle.

That's nice, honey.

I'm sorry.

I didn't hear that.

Are you flipping switches still?

I'm doing other than three.

Okay.

Everything but three.

Everything's going dark and nothing's coming on.

Ooh, is it going dark?

The restaurant is now dark.

What's that?

I said the restaurant is now dark.

Everything is going dark.

Nothing's coming on.

We have no generator coming on turning no lights. I have a complete dark restaurant

Yeah, you have to turn the rest of the switches and and that'll make it come back on it'll activate the generator

I can't understand you all sorry. What did you say? I said just keep flipping just keep doing it

Just keep going keep on trucking click click click keep doing it until the phone dies

I still hold the record

back and see how it's going

she said her name

my name's Michelle

this is it again there

let's see if she's

it's gotta take a while for that VoIP line over there

to come back up

their portless phone's gotta reboot

it's called Waffle Houses

all night

You don't have to do any pranks in your show Brad

You just did a great one just now

I filled my quota

I got a whole dark restaurant

My name's Michelle

Okay Michelle

It's got a bald on it

You got a hammer?

I should have her

Stand in a bucket of water

Have her crack an egg on it

That's the source of heat

Pour some waffle batter on it

That's where the heat comes from.

Let's call Autumn.

Get her to do it.

Yeah, first one.

So they're calling Autumn, yeah.

He turns to giggle.

I like names with a servant A.

That's right.

How can I help you?

Hello, this is Cross calling from the corporate office.

How are you?

What is that?

My name is Cross calling from the corporate office.

Calling from the corporate office?

Yeah, my name is Cross.

How are you?

I'm good.

How are you doing?

I'm good.

Is this our location on Mississippi Avenue?

Yes, it is.

Okay, excellent.

We need you to do a reset of the breakers.

We're not getting your transactions through the register.

The POS system isn't working.

Yeah, do you know where those are, those breakers?

It should be like a gray box in the rear of the store.

You probably have several.

You should have usually three of them, sometimes just two.

Oh, gray box.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right, if you could just start switching them off.

We're going to go one through all of them and then switch them back on.

We have Pam, do you know which one in the register?

You want to start with A and then all the way through B.

The generator will kick on.

The generator kicks on and it takes care of the lights.

It'll be fine.

It's a propane generator you have back there.

You want me to cut off all of them?

Yeah, just one, go one, two, three, four, five, you know?

And just say the numbers as you're going through so I can make a note.

Okay.

All right.

One, two, three.

Should I do the other side too?

Yeah, now get the other side, yep.

Can you whistle while you do it?

Just whistle.

Whistle a tune while you do it.

be happy whistle whistle while you're okay yeah do it is that panel a and b yeah all right and

are there lights on still did they come on did they stay on flipped off and on yeah you turned

them on again already yeah well i flipped it off and then flipped it back on right like as soon as

i turned it up you want me to keep them off yeah you gotta start from one through and you gotta

leave them off and then when they're all off we'll go through and turn them on and just count one two

Two, three, four, you know?

Okay, three, six, ten, eleven, ten.

Five now.

No.

There you go.

Last words.

Yeah, you can.

Shit, now let me see if I can figure out who was the first one.

Shit.

Ah, damn.

The one we're going to call back to see how she was doing.

Does Blink give logout?

No, no, no.

History, history.

Get the next one to stand on a bucket of water first.

first 30 30 17 third cancel there we go here we go this is the one you talked to brad let's see

if they're back up yet i don't think planet fitness is open guys phone's still down rather

refuse an answer one of the two they're like fuck that phone shit never again for calling your local

waffle house your call is very that's it's going to their voicemail it's all fucked up uh here's

a different waffle house we can do another one of those or something different whatever i don't

here we'll figure it out wow yeah hi my name is cross i'm calling from the corporate office is

this the location on fillmore street yes number 755 correct yes it is all right good we have the

right location we have an issue with eggs sir have you had any complaints about the eggs not

that i know of all right um what happened well do you are you near one of the eggs right now or can

you get in front of one of the eggs well let me uh drag one open here hold on well i need you

are you there yeah i'm up there right now yeah i need what we need to do is we need to uh if you

You can grab four of those eggs, and I need you to actually crack them into one of the toilets.

Yeah, and I'll let you know what to check for.

Okay, hold on one second.

This is a cordless phone.

Yep.

Good.

Yeah, hold on.

All right, good. Thank you, thank you.

They ain't in the toilet.

Never mind.

Yeah, hold on.

Okay, thank you.

Yeah, it needs to be four eggs. You just have one or four?

Four eggs.

Okay, go ahead and crack them one at a time.

Just crack them on the side of the commode and put them in there.

All right, and don't flush. I'll let you know when.

Oh, you got four in there?

All right, and go ahead and sit down on the toilet.

Hello?

Who is this?

Oh, this is Cross.

I'm calling from the corporate office.

Man.

Man, the nigga.

The fucker here already cracked like at least two of them.

Oh, shit.

He can't act like he's bright, man.

Come on, he already cracked.

I heard two of those motherfuckers go in there.

Oh, that's good.

Good stuff.

All right.

Egg test.

Egg test, yes.

All right, let's see if...

Shit.

let me see if uh the previous waffle house not uh the the last one that brad did brad are we ready

no i did it i did it fucking i did it yeah i was just gonna come in there but the lights are off

i thought you guys were open every day so something was just going on yes we are open

okay is there an emergency what's going on what's going on why would you act were you people

Stupid asshole.

We're with corporate.

And so are you.

That's why you got screwed in it.

Yeah, that's why you did it, because you're stupid.

But you're stupider.

Stupid is stupid does.

Hey, how did the customers react?

Ha ha ha, bye bye.

So you just said you're stupid.

I'm stupid, but you're the one that followed stupid.

All right.

So she basically just stupid is as stupid does.

Great.

Makes a lot of sense.

Got us.

Yeah, totally got us.

Stupid is as stupid does.

Oh, fucking cable.

Stop it.

I've got to get you one of those cables.

Oh.

So, Carlito, we're dog-sitting for 10 days.

We have, like, another puppy now.

Uh-huh.

Damn, things are fucking shitting all over the place.

Oh, it's that potty train.

Shit.

He's freaking out.

Welcome to House and Parker.

This is Melanie.

How may I help you?

Melanie, I was just trying to come by, and I saw the lights were off.

Is this store closed, or...?

Um, we're up for seven.

We're having some issues with our power currently.

Okay, so you're open, but the power's off.

Is the food safe to eat?

Are you able to cook everything?

Yeah, our grill is back and operating.

Our lights are back on.

We should be back together, but I can't promise the lights are going to stay on.

Okay.

Why did it go off?

Is there a problem?

We have no idea.

You have no idea?

That's, I don't know.

That's pretty stupid.

Can I ask if you guys just called?

Yeah, I called.

Yeah.

Did you tell us to turn our power off?

Yeah.

That's fine.

Can I ask you why?

Because I think you're cute.

And can I just have your name, please?

Sure.

I'll give you my full name.

name yeah sure it's uh dave corin i'm sorry what was that david corin c-o-r-e-n phone number uh

i mean i don't know if i should give that to you why would you want my phone number well if you

don't give me your phone number i'm just gonna go back to my record second report to my manager

no no i mean but do you want it for like dating you know um no and honestly i'm a little pissed

off at you so you would like to give me your number through you or i can go through my phone

book because your people are stupid who did it autumn was that autumn who did that sorry we don't

have an autumn at the store that was that was a different one that i did yeah yeah uh well the

authorities have been uh contacted let you know no don't come on i'm sorry it was just a practical

joke i'm sorry bro it's not a joke bro dude it's so joke okay it was just a joke it was funny you

just lost your store business now please tell me how did i lose your business how did i lose your

your business have a very good night hey oh i did not lose your trouble now yeah big trouble guys

it was just you that thought the lights were off and it was closed nobody else

oh shit good times all right

there are no awful houses in los angeles i think i've done this before i've been here before i

looked and failed don't know why i'm trying again that's uh honolulu awful house in tonal

Honolulu?

I don't know.

Just a suggestion.

They're not in L.A.

I don't know.

You never know.

Here, let me...

I'll look.

Fine, I'll find out.

Here's Texas.

We got a ton in Texas.

You know, they're big on those.

Anyone ever been to a huddle house here on the conference?

I've never been to a huddle house.

No, what's that?

That's like a competitor.

How may I help you?

Hi, my name is Cross.

I'm calling from the corporate office.

How are you?

Good, how about you?

Not bad, not bad.

We have a crisis here with eggs.

Have you had any complaints about the eggs?

Not that I'm aware of.

nobody said anything are you nearby any of the eggs can we check uh do you want me to check the

eggs um i need you to crack the eggs in a certain manner and i'll let you know what to look for to

see if they're affected and your name was cross cross yes give me just a moment thank you i need

you to crack two of the eggs onto the grill um then we're gonna yes i would need you to put two

eggs um without cracking them on top of the grill yes on the shell on the grill and then uh spin one

one of them around make it spin oh you're not doing this so i'm trying to figure out what i

need to do so i can do it for you and then no does not reach to the oh you don't have a quarrel

and then take a shit on the grow asshole he had his suspicions i knew when i heard his voice he

was a man it wasn't gonna work now if it was a woman no offense ladies i love you guys i love

you guys but come on i mean look at our record tonight we've had tremendous luck with the female

Waffle House ladies, the minute they get a guy

Well, actually, no, the black dude cracked

Come on, the guy

Cracked a couple in the toilet

That was the stupidest one

Well, never mind

Let me not say that, what I was thinking about saying

Shit, I'm trying to move on

From that kind of humor

Well, you just made a call, thank you

Hello?

Thank you for calling the Waffle House on 34, how can we help you?

Yes, hello, this is Cross, I'm calling from the corporate office

I'm here on the line with my associate, Roy

Roy. Okay. Okay, he's with

Fluid Dynamics. He's in our science

department. We have an issue

with eggs. Are you nearby any of the eggs,

please? We need to do a check. Yes, sir.

Well, they're actually

they were confused with a shipment

from Asia

and they actually have fertilized embryos in

them, so we want to make sure that we don't have

any of those. I can let you know what to check for

to see. Alright.

Do you have an egg? Can you get near an egg?

Alright. How many eggs do you have?

Just one? Graceful. Alright, if you can

grab two of those please and head over to the grill the riddle okay are you there all right

if you could put uh both eggs on the griddle please just in the shell not cracked all right

now is the heat on yes uh what temperature are we at where the eggs are now what setting is it at

is it on high normal uh grab a spatula i need you to smash one of the eggs leave the other one

unsmashed once that's done okay and uh what's the egg doing just like normal right with the shells

around it uh do you see any blood red anything like that all right now go ahead and tell the

other egg to move tell it yeah he didn't he didn't do shit he didn't do shit he's not following

directions very well yeah i'm gonna assume he did all of that he hung up so he could talk to

the egg in private yeah he felt a little silly about it but he did it he put the phone down he's

he's leaning down next to you listen um i'm gonna need you to move real quick uh my boss is on the

phone if you don't do it i'm gonna be in a lot of trouble i kind of need you to go

you laid it down to do that and hold the phone calling your local waffle house

your call is very important to us so we are currently assisting other customers

well that means they're taking an order right now um i want to call back that one

you know that one the lady who has this reported to the authorities do it one that couldn't do

switch number three that's pretty scary the authorities uh autumn i can go back i think

gonna go back well autumn didn't do anything you just want to talk to autumn hello how may i help

you hey how are you good to talk to you oh i am still finding you my name is cross from the

corporate office yes yes you have power there we have who power uh been a normal night okay all

right can you make the power go can you make the power who go can we make the power who go go away

Go away. Go away, power.

Why would we want to do that?

Because it's garbage power.

And because you're not used to having power in your house, I know how you people are.

Oh, you people. But then I guess you might have been my neighbor.

So we was running the block.

I don't understand.

Because none of the block had power.

So you know what I'm talking about.

The block is shit.

Then I guess that's why you mentioned it to me, right?

I don't understand.

Because you're as ill as I am, right?

I don't understand this language.

You want to say, you people.

And let me tell you about us.

I'm going to have to go in the back because, you know, I don't want the customers to hear this.

Okay, angry gorilla.

She's ashamed.

Okay, Ms. Angry Gorilla.

Why is she going in the back?

Oh, I'm ashamed of me because they take motherfuckers like you.

Simmer down.

Okay, and I hope you're reading this.

Okay.

They take someone ignorant.

Ignorant.

Like this.

You have nothing there to do with this.

Simmer down.

Chew an aspirin.

Are you a fucking dick?

Yeah, all our dicks.

That got you so fucked up in the head that it went to your membrane and just fucked you up?

Yep, that's exactly what it was.

You know, since it's people like all of you.

all right you people need to calm down no you people no people what are you people do you have

a mirror no you go to the bathroom do you know how to use it or do you just go outside in the

woods what are you yeah but then again that's a job too yeah people have done it too you people

done it too very nice yeah yeah okay thank you thank you yeah all right okay that's why that's

why you know how to that's why you know what you're talking about because you've done it yeah

Yeah. Hey, do you ever stand up on a chair and scream for Thomas to come save you from the rat in the mouth?

Mm-mm. You expect harm from that experience.

Well, when I was a child, I saw that.

Because in order for you to bring it to my attention, you must have had experienced it.

Tell me all about it.

Yes, yes, a woman...

I really would like to know.

A woman stood up on a chair.

Well, what is it?

I'm trying to say. I'm trying to talk ignorant.

A woman jumped up on the chair.

Oh, no, but then I guess you know what that is, too, because you're the mother...

shut up

that's me

I love how just the term

you people can fucking just set people

over the edge

what the fuck you mean you people

you waffle house people

what the fuck you mean you people

Brett are you ready to go

alright let me

wrap things up

I don't have to do pranks right

I'll do whatever man

it's kind of a pranks thing

I'm just going to queue up a playlist of music

and go to sleep that works yeah go ahead i'm sure the people love that yeah that would be great

you'll do pranks so don't listen to him guys we'll see all right oh i want to thank everyone

who's joining me here brett carter greenbee dwight the janitor firmus axpa uh who's this one guy baz

here uh still and was there anyone else who was on earlier the horse the producer was helping out

with incoming numbers that was fun well lasted discord.gg slash pranks and dwight uh paypal.me

slash dwight pcm me me me paypal.me me am i am i all right guys i'm going to disconnect here so

we can wrap things up i'll see you later good luck with all your shows those of you who are

doing shows good luck that's

them all right so really quick uh milkman's

gonna take us out of here but before that just want to remind you to keep listening brad carter

starting up here just a few set a few minutes and about three or four minutes or less uh after that

we get more shows throughout the night throughout the day rather i guess are you there oh yeah let's

see what we got echo how much time remaining baby you have one timer a 24 hour timer with about 18

18 hours and 20 minutes left.

18 hours, 20 minutes left.

And go play Madhouse on now.

That's how you do it.

Once you're great.

Madhouse.

Yeah.

Milkman, will you want to take us out?

Everyone, you know, just go to madhouselive.com.

Get your links in.

Madhouse on Twitter.

Madhouse on live on Facebook.

And like I said, we're going to be on for another 19 hours or whatever.

We're going to have people doing live prank call shows all throughout Black Friday.

So be sure to stay tuned and enjoy that.

Uh, Milkman, go ahead and take us out of here, please, sir.

Right now.

Uh, anybody else joining up tonight?

Uh, let me see.

That I haven't, uh, that I haven't mentioned yet.

Uh.

Oh, dude, there were, there were, uh, man, I had numbers and I didn't know.

Shit.

I had more numbers from Parkman I forgot to got to.

Do, do them now, bitch.

I, yeah, dude, I can't, it's, it's time for Brad to go on.

He's been staying up to do this.

It's very important.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, we had some, we actually, yeah, we got a few.

We've got Big Gatorfolk, Big Casey here.

We've got two new horse members.

Yeah, man, Gatorfolk and Casey, along with Big Dave, KDK.

All right.

He's helping Katrina.

All right.

All right, Milkman.

All right.

Well, once again, we've come to that part of the show where everybody gets to get up from their seat from the table.

I want to thank you, everybody, for coming in and joining us.

I don't think we can talk over here.

Man.

you're being quiet you're really quiet you're real quiet how about now there you go yeah i hear

yeah yeah all right hey okay i want to thank everybody man we have to stop then this we do

this ever yeah yeah here yeah every chance we get can you hear me yeah yeah yeah go ahead

i don't have an operation failure oh no every chance that we get we do this that's right right

This is Madhouse, and you're number 12.5, all right.

I'm glad to have you along.

We just had a chance to get right here.

We ask that you give us your time, and we'll drop the time and bring a friend of yours.

And bring Andy, because you know what?

You guys are always welcome here in the Madhouse.

Couldn't do it without all our friends out there, our militia and horse members,

and all of our standard supporters.

Everybody's been out there after all these years.

Could not do it without you.

everybody showed up in the chat all our friends stopped by we had dwight uh baz i can't i'm sorry

guys there's so many people in there i can't remember them all i can't remember them all

you're a crazy old man yep that's right crazy old man that's all right so anyway i want to

thank everybody for stopping in we do this right here every week every chance we get and uh we'll

do it without our first leader the hermanito the generalissimo the madhouse my brother thank you

Thank you so much for giving us your time and stopping by and making a wonderful thank you once again.

You didn't do a question, man.

You know what?

You're good for indigestion.

I didn't have indigestion.

Good.

I hope I contributed to that.

Hopefully.

Not really.

That's good because you get really bad indigestion.

You thought it was a heart attack once.

Yeah.

Thank you, buddy.

All right.

Thanks, Milkman.

I'll catch you tomorrow.

I'll hit you up on the little gort there, you know, the gort, walkie-talkie gort.

Yeah, man.

Gort talk.

All right.

Okay.

We'll keep the gort going.

All right.

I'm glad you recovered from everything there, man.

And everybody over here, Homestead, Homer, and everybody,

happy Thanksgiving.

Everybody out there, your cock will land there.

Much thanks to our beloved.

Once again, we couldn't do it without you, man.

Another Thanksgiving.

All wrapped up in the bow.

Here you go.

Indeed.

All right.

I'll see you later.

Bow, bow.

I love you, B.

Thanks, man.

All right, dude.

All right, everyone, stay tuned for Brad, RBCP Carter,

coming up in just a few seconds here probably.

He'll be taking over here.

This song is going to play us out.

We'll see you guys when we wrap this up at 8 p.m. Eastern, 5 Pacific.

God damn it, goodbye.

Horse Resurrection (Pranksgiving 2017)

Calls (63, 3 h of 5 h 5 min)

Transcript

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