Get The Snow Outta Here

See, now you're starting abusing, right?

My name is Isis.

I am blessed to be coming.

You have a gentleman cursing at me on the phone, asking me when the fuck I'm going to get snowed on.

I'm about to curse the asses off.

We should be soldiers, but I'll bet out.

I've got a problem.

Dirtiest people I didn't get to.

Who is this calling my phone with that nasty mouth?

Guess what?

The snowplow is going around the fucking places right now.

Is there a man I can talk to, or perhaps some...

I beg your pardon?

Hold on just a moment.

Okay.

He's asking to speak with a man.

It's crazy how the stuff that my bruh might say to ya

Face it cause it's the number one prank cast

Stay back if you can't handle all the straight laughs

That we hand to your dome

And if you want, call the number

You can listen to this show on the go

Big up to the man in the madhouse

You show love, you stick your motherfuckin' hands up

Some come close, but they can't get it right

Let the king do his thing, it's time for Madhouse Live

Big up to the man in the madhouse

You show love, you stick your motherfuckin' hands up

Some come close, but they can't get it right.

Hello.

Hello, how are you?

I'm good. Who is this?

Hi, hi. My name is Kraus.

Is this Indian tech support people?

No.

Is this the Indian company? India from India? Asia India?

No. Who are you looking?

I'm looking to hire some consultants.

No, this is not an Indian company.

Who are you from? Bangladesh?

Your question is what you are looking for.

You are looking for which company?

What is the name?

Well, that is not my question.

I'm looking for...

I'm looking at the Indian newspaper.

The Indian newspaper.

So do you see any name there?

Name of the company?

It shows an Indian...

A picture of an Indian person.

No, but any name of the company is there.

Yeah, it's your company

because I'm calling the number, obviously, right?

So please tell me the name.

Why are you reluctant in telling the name of the company?

Yes.

Yes, we are.

Okay, so are you done with that part now?

Showing me that I had to say the name of the place?

Yes, I should know who.

You make a big deal about that, you know?

No, no, I should know who is calling.

And because you just called me, and at random you are saying you are an Indian company like this.

I have no questions on that.

But I should know who is calling.

Why would you be ashamed?

I don't care if you speak Hindi, Punjabi, Gujarati.

No, I would love to talk to you in English.

Please let me know what is your question.

Okay, well, do you know who Deepak Sharma is?

Deepak Sharma? No, I don't know any Deepak Sharma.

You don't maybe go to the same church as him? You live in the same city?

I don't know anybody by this name, Deepak Sharma.

Okay, I know you guys like to congregate with each other.

You go to the same church and all that.

I don't know, he recommends to me that I call Indian people to fix computer, you know?

No, we don't fix computer.

We are a software development and web and mobile app development company.

Okay, good.

Well, I'm trying to develop several applications for financial industry.

So why not you email your stuff in the email you have in the paper?

Why not you talk?

Why you put phone number in paper and then you don't want to talk?

Don't take me wrong.

I cannot talk to you.

I am doing something.

You cannot call somebody and ask them to talk to me in one hour or half an hour.

What are you doing?

What you are trying to tell me.

Are you doing?

Don't take me wrong.

This is not the way to talk to people.

Are you doing?

Banch hood?

Banch hood right now?

No.

I find you a very rude person.

Well, you're a banch hood.

See, now you are starting abusing, right?

What did I say?

I don't even know what I said.

Please, please, why you call people and abuse people and waste other people's time?

I'm nobody.

I'm just suggesting you.

Why you do this?

I'm a customer.

I'm a client.

I'm a prospective client, and I need help.

So you are a prospective client, so I'm telling you, email what you need.

This is not the way to call somebody and then waste his time over the phone.

You have to make an appointment and talk.

Need.

How can I make an appointment?

Do you have Indian woman sister, lovely sister for me?

Ben, Bendy, to speak to?

I think you have a problem.

Please go and get to the doctor.

When you're done having sex with sister, then maybe she can talk to me to make an appointment.

Do you want to finish, Bhenchod?

Or do you have lovely mother to talk to?

Hello?

I will call again, and he will pearl in an answer.

He was the rude one.

He started off the rude with me.

Very nasty.

I got a little bit of a crisis here.

Just noticed that something's missing.

Your call has been forwarded to an online message system.

Five.

Normal call clearing.

Okay.

Thank you.

Attention all units.

This is Sergeant Stadenko.

Attention all units.

This is Sergeant Stadenko.

We are changing from a code three direct pursuit to a code three point seven.

Lately lost.

We're doing confidence.

Stop the normal call clearing.

Stop all the downloading.

Help computer.

Thank you for calling.

Hello.

This is Sergeant Stadenko.

Hi.

Hello.

Hi.

Yeah.

How are you?

Okay.

Okay, well, I need to talk to someone about putting an ad.

Uh-huh, how can I help you?

Well, are you the person?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, all right.

So how do I make ad?

What kind of ad is that?

I need to reach Indian people.

I'm a soap company, and I understand that they need to clean a lot.

Mm-hmm.

So I wanted to see if I could reach.

We were looking for, like, the dirtiest people that we can reach for our company,

And it was suggested to me that I contact an Indian newspaper, Indian language newspaper, to reach out to them.

Do you know who Deepak Sharma is?

No. Dirtiest people I didn't get to.

Yeah, that's what I was asking.

My friend Deepak Sharma, he speaks four languages.

Hindi, Urdu, Punjabi, Gujarati, he said also.

He speaks all of that.

And I said, hey, so out of all those, where is the dirtiest people?

Because we're trying to sell soap, you know.

Like, we need a lot of, you know, because obviously...

I know.

No, if you want to advertise, it's good,

but Indian people are not the dirtiest people,

so you cannot tell that.

Well...

But I can send you...

I mean, he showed me some information,

and it shows that 45% of Indians on the subcontinent

do not use indoor plumbing.

They defecate and urinate outside on a daily basis.

But you want to sell your product here in USA, right?

You're not selling your product to India.

To dirty people, though, because they need to wash more.

Now that the dirty people come to USA, they find out, oh, I need to clean.

I need to put on deodorant now.

I need to wash my hands.

I need to learn how to use a toilet and not shit on the outside.

side because i went to i went to mumbai you know um on a business trip i know i agree sir okay

but listen i went to the beach i wanted to see the beach and i went down there and there were

there was feces everywhere hello hello hello yeah yeah hurry up terrible service

terrible service hello yes sir yeah i just got transferred to you i got like a cold transfer

for you i guess did she bring you up to speed or do you know what's going on okay um let me know

how we can help you okay so i spoke to a friend of mine he's a lawyer his name is deepak chopra

okay and i told him about my business venture that i have i've created uh specialized soaps

and uh personal cleaning wipes things of that nature sanitation thing and i was telling him

I'm trying to find a good avenue to sell this.

I want to make sure I hit the right market.

And he is from India.

He is from India, he said.

He's from Mumbai.

Okay.

Excuse me.

And I told him I've been to Mumbai on business once, and I went down to the beach, and there was feces all over the beach.

Do you understand?

You know what I'm talking about?

Yes.

Okay.

Okay, because I guess almost a majority, 45% of Indian people living on the subcontinent defecate outside in the open.

Okay, so he suggested that I find, he said that the Indian people are, he said his people, the Indian people are the dirtiest ones.

And that they would be the ones more likely to buy soap and cleaning products now that they're here in the United States.

So I started looking, and I found your publication that targets the Indian speakers, Indians in the United States, and that is why I'm calling.

She asked me why I was calling, and that's why I said I needed to reach the dirty people.

Okay.

So you want to advertise or what?

For dirty people.

Okay.

So what's your point?

Well, I'm calling for information on advertising the dirty people.

Oh, okay.

So give me your email address.

We'll send you.

No problem.

Okay. It's bhenchod at kutia.com.

Okay. And what else?

That's all.

Okay.

Okay. Can you send the email now so I can let you know if I receive it?

Sure. You don't have any work? You're wasting your time and other people's time?

No, no. I'm not wasting time. I don't have work today because I'm snowed in.

I'm snowed in. It's snowing.

Motherfucker, it's snowing and they snowed in.

Find something else, you know?

No, nothing else to do.

I'm working here.

This is my work.

Don't waste your time.

Don't you waste my time.

You're wasting my time with this.

You need to give me the information, all right?

This is how it works here.

Listen to me.

First, listen to me.

This is a newspaper, and don't waste our time and your time.

I'm not trying to waste anybody's time.

Do something proper.

I'm not trying to waste anybody's time.

Do something proper.

Do the Indian people use the newspaper when they're done to clean their asshole when they're done shitting outside?

I can talk a lot about you also.

Go ahead.

The way you are talking, I can do much better than you.

You can't do anything.

You have nothing on me.

You have nothing on me, motherfucker.

Horse's asshole.

Everyone listen to this tune.

I need a second, please.

Thank you.

Thanks everyone for tuning.

This is an impromptu afternoon show here, or a late morning, depending on where you are in the United States machine.

I'm Carlito. I am here alone for the moment.

I'm going to be doing some pranks. I have some ideas.

I did see that Dirty Aaron is around.

I can give him a call and have him join.

Any other friends of the Madhouse, members of the Commonwealth of Independent Prank Callers are more than welcome.

You know who you are.

If you have to wonder if you're one of them, then you're not one of them, probably. Sorry.

but if you're around hit me up on skype and i can join you as well have you join as well thank you

dirty aaron actually is not going to be on because he said i suck jackass thank you aaron if you want

to be on hit let me know and i'll dial you in or just give me a call on the skizzle on the skizzite

anyway as i was trying to say thanks everyone who's tuned in we're going to do about i'm going

to do hopefully about three hours here these are calls the calls i was just doing the numbers out

out of the uh there's a as you heard it is a indian newspaper and it's an english newspaper

but it's uh in the united states rather english written in english english speaking newspaper

english language uh but it targets the indian population and it's full of indian uh indian

advertisements let's try to call that first one back here i'm doing a show because i'm snowed in

work was canceled today we have many snows on the ground turning into sleet and then freezing rain

later to an automatic voice message oh oh he might have blocked me let me turn the page

the app that i use uh to do this it makes a page turning sound listen i didn't do it that time

let's see that's an article this one this company i've called before a few times let's call them

back with that dirty premise and i'm using the caller id of an adult bookstore so that's what

comes up on caller id the venus adult theater and bookstore to make an order please i'm sorry this

This is a school.

Yeah, exactly.

I need to make an order, please.

Order for what?

We're a school.

You want to order a class?

Yeah.

Who is this playing with me here?

This is Cross.

Hi, Cross.

How are you doing?

This is Darlene.

Oh, hey, big girl.

Can I...

Is this not an Indian company?

No, it's a school.

It's a computer school.

It's the Avtec Institute of Technology.

Yes, we're a school.

Okay, can you give me information on the program that I wanted to order?

You don't order programs.

You enroll in something.

I order you to enroll me in it.

I thought that was an Indian school.

Let's call their other office.

So this school sits around and says, where should we advertise?

Oh, Indian people.

Big surprise.

Good afternoon, Helen speaking.

May I help you?

Hi, I'd like to make an order.

This is NETVAC Institute of Technology.

Mm-hmm, One Cybersecurity and CCNA Security.

Are you interested in inquiring about classes?

Yeah, I'm trying to make an order.

One cybersecurity and CCNA security class?

Okay, I can take your name and phone number.

Listen, listen.

One Java core programming class?

Can I explain something to you?

Okay, I'm not done yet.

Oh, wait, one Oracle DBA 12 class with extra hot, okay?

And then one order of Papa Dom's?

Okay, come pick it up when you're ready.

How much is the total?

You would have to come to school, someone will explain it to you for the price.

Okay, do you carry Python 2?

Someone will explain it to you.

I don't work in that department.

Banchot.

Banchot?

Do you have that?

Banchot?

They do have that if you come to inquire.

Oh, are you the sister?

Are you the bendy?

You can come to find out.

Oh, good.

I want to find out.

I'll kiss you everywhere.

All over.

Oh, I want to come to find out.

Do you have Transaction SQL?

Sorry?

Do you have Transaction SQL?

Who is this, please?

My name is Kulu.

Hurry up.

We specialize in IT, medical, and business application training,

providing education for veterans, government-sponsored programs,

corporations, and private clients.

To join our courses, please hold.

We'll be right with you.

Sexy, sexy.

Guest match is approved.

Okay, do I get three guesses?

Because my first guess is Brian.

yeah hey how you doing who is this this is brian hi it's michelle oh michelle what's up hi i was

joking i put you on hold and i was like i just need a second i just need a second there's no way

no way that i'm getting duped what's going on uh nothing i i stayed i stayed home today because

of the weather you know kind of kind of snowed in i guess you made it though huh you snowed in

yeah don't you live right down the road yeah but i got snowed in well i mean i don't mean like

snowed in what i'm calling snowed in is like cocaine you know like like i decided to stay

home and do a bunch of blow and weed hello michelle what i was gonna say did you want to

come over like after like i was kind of just thinking about you you know like we never really

hit it off but i mean no one needs to know but like ever since i first met you i've had this

fantasy about um anal massage yeah she's done she's done she's done and that's how brian lost

his job at the school i guess it's not snowing in new jersey today okay i think jazz is queuing up

but i don't really want to hear that i had some music picked out i thought okay there it is you

like it raw i like unprotected sex oh look at this guy maninder singh accountant and tax does he have

a phone number yes he does let's do it good afternoon how can i help you yeah it's just a

place with the indian guy is this the place with the indian guy yes how can i help you yeah i need

to talk to the indian man and who's calling please my name is culo i'm supposed to talk to

indian the indian accountant man with the thing on his head he told me to give him a call uh

regarding an urgent issue and your name again i'm sorry c-u-l-o culo i should have said ben

showed damn hello yes hi hi hi is that indian accountant yeah who's this oh hey my name is ben

Hi.

Yeah.

Okay.

Do you do the papers?

Papers?

Yeah.

What papers?

I need to have the papers touched and moved around and calculated.

What company are you calling from?

Kutia and Associates.

One second.

Okay.

Is this freaking...

Hello?

Yeah.

Hey.

Yes.

Hi.

What is this reference to?

The papers?

I need you to make the papers go.

Yeah, but what paper are you talking about?

This one right here.

I'm showing you right here.

The numbers are on it here.

I'm sorry?

I'm showing it to you right now, right here.

Look, on the camera phone.

Where are you calling from, sir?

From New York.

Yeah, I know.

But are you a client of ABC?

Yeah.

Hold on one second.

Hey, listen.

What's the confusion?

One second.

What's the confusion, I said?

Yeah.

Please hold.

Who's this?

I'm sorry.

Who are you holding for?

I'm trying to get the papers taken care of by the Indian accountant guy.

Who's this?

You don't sound man.

Oh, okay.

Oh, yes.

I'm sorry.

Sorry, this is Valerie.

What papers are you making reference to?

The important papers, critical papers.

Okay, so are you an existing client, sir, or are you a new client?

I was referred over here by Bhenchod.

Oh, okay, then.

I'm sorry for the confusion.

Well, you're kind of ignorant.

Excuse me, sir?

I said you're being kind of ignorant.

I didn't stutter.

Well, you say excuse me if you heard it the first time.

You heard it the first time, excuse me.

You think I was going to say something different the second time?

All right, I don't think you need to speak to me that way.

You think I was intimidated by you saying excuse me?

Ben, last name C-H-O-D.

Okay, and your number?

That's the Indian guy that I'm talking to.

Okay, yes, he had to step out.

He's in a meeting.

No, he's not.

You're saying that.

You're covering for him.

No, he's not.

What meeting?

With who?

Meeting with who?

I'm sorry.

When did the meeting start?

How did it start now?

Yeah, exactly.

Meetings don't start at 1.20 in the afternoon.

They start at 1 o'clock, 1.30, maybe 1.15.

But don't give me that shit.

You're gonna get...

Ooh, H1B1.

I could do that.

Welcome to the immigration law firm.

Jenny's office.

Hi.

Yes, who is this?

Hi, my name is Ben.

Can you help you, Ben?

Yeah, I need H1B1.

You are from which country?

I'm from dirty India.

So H1B1 doesn't apply to you.

that is only for singapore and the chile nationals and you need to have a job offer

i have a job okay first of all you should not speak that language which you are talking about

oh i'm sorry i'm sorry yeah and um how did you hear about our law firm have you seen our website

i was on labia you know labia what do you know what is labia what is your current immigration

status ben uh well i was married to american woman okay okay but i didn't like her she was uh

you know she was a fucking bitch you know so i left her and i have i don't know i don't even

know how much longer i got here you know when did you enter the u.s uh let's see originally

five years ago labia labia labia okay then labia then h1b h1b cannot be done for you because you

You are not in immigration status.

Labia, labia, labia.

But she was married to an American woman, you know?

Does that become...

No, but did you get the green card through that lady?

Uh, I mean, yeah.

Did she apply immigrant petition for you?

Labia, labia, labia.

She did the labia for me.

What do you mean by labia?

I don't understand.

Do you know what is labia?

Is that how you say it?

Labia?

L-A-B-I-A?

a okay but what i'm saying is did you get the green card through that lady whom you married

yeah i did you have already got the green card yeah when lebia lebia lebia what's your phone

number when uh ben my name is my phone number is ben i don't understand i'm kind of stupid i'm

kind of stupid you know you know okay okay then we cannot talk to you well you're an asshole

is what it is is there a man i can talk to fuck uh that was going nowhere because i spent most

Most of the time, not paying attention and just trying to translate the word labia into Hindi,

finding out that it's labia.

You say labia instead of labia.

And that's it, and that's that.

We were listening to that nice Wu-Tang Michael Jackson mashup,

and I fucked it up.

I just went to the next song, I guess.

We'll have to start it again.

I don't know what we left off.

Okay, okay.

Let's try my other idea.

With the other one the chips got low

Cause Tony can't be out there pushing their f***ing dreams

Not grand schemes

I'm on the search for the meaner love

Thank you for two plus

My name is Mrs. Annette

How can I help you?

Yeah, when are you going to get the f***ing snow out of here?

Excuse me?

When are you guys going to get the f***ing snow out of here?

What snow?

The snow that's outside

When the sun melts it?

No, you guys need to come f***ing get it out

You need to plow it or whatever you f***ing do right now

I mean, where are you calling

Where do you think you're calling?

The apartment complex I live at

Which apartment complex?

no i don't have any snow on my heel fuck where's the snowing at then where

Where the fuck is the snowing at, then?

Man, that's what I'm speaking with.

My name is Cross.

I'm in 112, and you people need to get the snow out of this motherfucker.

You got the wrong property, see?

You got the wrong property.

No, you're foolish.

I don't have a 112.

Motherfucker, you.

Ignorant.

You're fucking ignorant, you.

You sound funny.

You're stupid ignorant.

You are so funny.

You're stupid ignorant.

You're funny.

funny no you're fucking ignorant you're proud to be ignorant too aren't you uh i thought it was

snowing in ohio i looked at weatherchannel.com and it was showing snow in ohio so whatever

This is Aisha.

Yeah, when are you going to get the snow out of here?

I'm sorry?

When are you going to get the snow out of here?

Maintenance is power right now.

Well, hurry up, goddammit, because I need to get this shit done.

I got to get the fuck out of here.

Motherfuckers.

What am I paying you for?

What are you doing?

Get out and start making the snow go.

Yeah, maintenance is on it, guys.

Yeah, all right, good.

I found an area that has a snow machine.

Good afternoon.

Thanks for calling 11th and 15th Departments.

This is Aisha.

Let's go.

Aisha, you need to get out of here and start getting some of this fucking snow out, man.

Let's go.

Bitch.

bitch bitch when you're gonna get the snow out of here let's go when you're gonna get the snow

out of here let's go yeah yeah let's fucking go get the fucking snow out of here i got shit i

gotta do this is cross i need to get you you motherfucker what are you doing you need to get

out here get the fucking snow out of here motherfucker what who is this take me off

speakerphone who is calling my phone with that nasty mouth lazy bitch this is cross cross who

Cross, cross.

That's all you need is cross.

Yeah, don't call it again, Paul.

Get the fucking snow out of here, motherfucker.

Roll.

Who eats this?

Guys, you made it, didn't you?

It's cross, I said.

All right, guys?

Roll.

I got to buy weed.

Let's go.

You guys got to get the snow out of here.

Let's go.

Yeah, that's what I said, Nate.

Nate, we got to get this shit out of here.

here i got shit i gotta do i gotta go out and buy weed and get percocets from cbs all right what are

you doing is that what you need help with yeah hurry up and get the fucking snow out of here

snow out of where out of buffalo out of the fucking apartment there's snow in your apartment

it's outside yeah um maintenance has been outside all day well they ain't doing they're not around

here they're lazy as fuck anyway what are you doing you need to get out of here you need to

get out of here too lazy bum what are you doing there watching oprah i don't think oprah's on

Yeah, you would know, right?

Yeah, a feminine black man definitely would know that.

Get out of here and start fucking moving some snow or putting some salt down.

Well, they're ass.

They're ass.

And you need to help them out because they don't know what they're doing.

The problem is the snow is still here.

They're not working fast enough.

And I need to go out to buy weed, pick up pizza, and pick up Percocets from the CVS.

so you can hear your voice.

Hurry the fuck up.

I'm holding here for the apartment building manager

who I'm sure is getting the skinny here

regarding my attitude.

Hello?

Hi, yeah, this is Nick, the general manager.

Can I help you?

You sound like you're 12 years old.

Excuse me?

You sound like you're 12 years old, Nick.

May I ask who this is?

Yeah, this is Cross,

and you guys need to get the fucking snow

out of this motherfucker.

I need to get out of here.

I gotta go buy weed.

I gotta pick up a pizza that I'm gonna order,

and I need to go pick up my meds at CVS.

I got Percocets waiting for me.

May I ask who's calling?

Cross, cross.

Dude, get a pen or a pencil

or open up notepad on your laptop

or whatever you're doing there

and stop asking me the same fucking questions

over and over again.

Sir, I don't know...

Sir, sir, sir, sir.

You say sir one more time, motherfucker.

Excuse me, I'm going to disconnect the call.

No, you're not.

Don't do it.

Don't you do it.

You need to help me out.

What apartment are you from?

I'm in the house.

Which apartment?

1-12.

Which building?

To be honest with you, I don't know.

I don't pay attention to that part.

I'm not on the lease.

Do you live here?

I'm not on the lease.

You're not on the lease.

I'm subleasing.

If you're not on the lease, I cannot assist you.

Motherfucker, there's laws.

I'm running out of weed.

You hear I'm smoking the resin?

There's laws.

Sir, we do not allow smoking inside of our apartment.

This is weed.

It doesn't count.

Sir, we do not allow smoking inside of our apartment.

It's medical.

You can't do anything about it.

Sir, we do not allow...

It doesn't matter.

La, la, la, la, la.

That's between you and my roommate who's on the lease, not me.

It has nothing to do with me.

Who's your roommate?

I'm not telling you.

You're being ignorant.

Who is your roommate?

I'm not telling you.

You're being ignorant.

What's going on?

The whispering.

What's that?

Listen, you have a duty to make sure that the snow removal is taken care of quickly

and promptly, and you need to do that because that's what I'm paying my sublease for to

in turn be passed over to you to pay their yearly.

Sub-leases are illegal, sir. Sub-leases are illegal.

We do not allow them on our lease.

Well, the Japanese surrendered.

The Japanese surrendered.

Sir, I cannot identify who you are.

You're not on a lease here.

112.

So I'm going to disconnect this call.

Number 112.

If you want...

Don't do it.

In which building?

Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't you do it.

In which building?

We have multiple 112s here.

How do I find out? How do I find out?

I cannot identify who you are.

Well, where's the building at?

Yeah, I don't know.

All I know is I'm in this building here.

This is where I park.

This is where I come, rather.

I walk here.

This is where I go.

That's all I know.

83?

All right.

83.

You've not identified yourself?

83.

We do not have an 83.

On L.A. Avenue, 83 LaSalle?

No.

We do not have an 83.

You're full of shit, motherfucker.

I know where I am.

Oh, I'm...

All right.

I'm sorry, sir.

Get the fuck out of here, motherfucker, you.

you it's certainly guys you know when you say you know you know when you say the same thing

over and over again it sounds weird to you just happened to me just happened to me am i gay

83 is our new pc and chip 83 83 83 fuck yeah that's our new horse

what if i just call random businesses and tell them they get the fucking snow

Don't let the truth spoil you, don't let the truth spoil you, don't let the truth spoil you

Let's call a pizza place, tell them to get the fucking snow out of here, motherfucker

Don't give up, I'm gonna die, dude, that pizza looks good

I gotta get that screen out of here

Yeah, when are you guys gonna get the fucking snow out of here?

I'm sorry?

When are you gonna get the fucking snow out so I can come get the pizzas?

When are you gonna get the fucking snow out?

Hey, is there a man I can talk to? Because you're like just sitting there on the phone

You have a gentleman cursing at me on the phone

and ask me when the fuck I'm going to get the snow out on a bumper.

Hello?

Yeah, listen, you guys need to get the snow out.

Who needs to get what snow out?

You just called me and told me I need to get snow out.

What does that even mean?

I meant icons, the hair plays.

Okay.

I want to go there and get some of the E,

but you guys got to get the fucking snow out of there.

I can't walk through that shit, motherfucker.

Get that shit fixed. Let's go.

Do you think talking that way is going to get you anything, motherfucker?

Don't curse at me, all right?

Don't be ignorant.

Are you having fun right now?

No, I want you to get the fucking snow out, motherfucker, you.

No, that's not going to happen.

Get that shit done.

Please, please, motherfucker.

Please, motherfucker.

I want you to fall.

Motherfucker, you.

Travel through the snow.

I hope I fall through your fucking window.

Travel through the snow, buddy.

What was your name?

I hope you fall through my window, too.

What's your name, asshole?

Huh?

What's your name, asshole?

Asshole, that's my name.

Yeah, okay, cool.

I want to make an order, please.

Nope.

Yeah, five large pizzas with everything on them.

You want anchovies, too?

Everything, everything.

Five.

Everything?

Five large, yeah.

Tea bags?

You want tea bags?

No, I don't want that shit.

I want all the toppings on it, ignorant, stupid ignorant.

There's teabags that come on them.

Well, I don't want that.

Well, then you can't have it.

Why would you put a fucking teabag on a pizza?

Because that's everything.

You asked for everything.

Okay, asshole.

Sure.

Yeah, go ahead and put the teabags on there, too.

Give me a total.

Let's go.

500 bucks.

All right.

Go ahead and make those.

When will they be ready?

Five minutes.

All right.

I'll be right there.

You better have them ready, motherfucker.

Make five big pizzas.

Got it.

Don't fall in the snow.

With everything on them.

Okay, don't fall.

Okay, yeah.

bye he's not gonna make that pizza that's what i mean i know he's not going to guys i'm just

trying to be like oh he's real funny he thinks that i'm just gonna go ahead and make all this

pizza the guy that called me an asshole that's how that goes nobody reaching out to me yet on

skype to join not that i need them not that i ever needed them i'll do this by myself till the day i

i die if i have to okay we'll call a different apartment complex instead from the venus adult

bookstore and theater no the venus adult theater and bookstore hey when you gonna get this shit

out of here when you guys gonna get this shit out of here all the snow oh my gosh i know yeah i don't

know seriously look i got shit i gotta do i gotta go out and buy weed i have to go to cvs to pick up

up my percocets and i gotta pick up a pizza this is cross who do you need to speak with oh whoever

is gonna get the snow out of here you guys need to get the snow fucking removed it's fucking taking

too long okay hold on oh yeah really cute good afternoon i like the development very cute get

the snow out of here motherfucker okay one moment yeah i don't like this one what location are you

at uh the fairmont let me get you over to maintenance yeah hurry the fuck hurry the

the fuck up you know uh-huh okay and management services yeah yeah what is that there's a prank

call with a frank rizzo where he's getting like hit in the background and he's like you need to

call you need to call back when you're not getting beat up what the hell is it this one let me see

hello hello hi can i help you sir yes i needed an honest ballot box you mean you need a ballot

box sir yes is this for an election for a co-op condominium and association that's right which

Which is it? Which one?

That's the one.

First of all, I can't rent a box.

Do some of these boxes get off path, go astray?

Why would my ballot boxes go astray?

Well, you know, hey, you have it, you know.

No, sweetheart.

What we do, we do the election from the beginning to the end.

You touch nothing.

That's what I'm looking at here.

That's number one.

That's the answer, okay?

Because sometimes if the boxes are made out of faulty wood or not inspected.

They're not wood boxes, sir.

We have our own metal boxes, and they stay with us.

So they would go astray, like they just are walking away?

Okay.

The only thing that goes to your building, if you have them, are proxies.

And a box would lock, a locked box to put proxies in, and we have the key, that's all.

This gentleman just slapped me, I'm sorry. Go ahead.

Hold on.

All right, Mr. Fisher, what's the name of your condominium?

Hello?

I'm sorry. Go ahead. I'm sorry, he slapped me.

Not my problem.

I'm sorry, go ahead.

No, you tell me, where are you from, sir?

I'm from Long Island.

That's not going to help me.

Okay, go ahead.

No, you tell me where you're from. Where's the condominium?

Oceanside.

Oceanside? And what's the name of it, sir?

The condominium?

Yes.

It's Oceanside Estates.

Oceanside Estates.

Right.

You've never called before?

No.

Okay.

Hello.

Something wrong with you, Mr. Fisher. I don't understand what you're doing there.

If you can't talk to me without somebody hitting you, there's something wrong, all right?

I don't want to be rude.

Well, that's why we're having this whole thing.

I'm going to be rude, okay?

Either you call me when you're a gentleman

or nobody is beating you in the background, okay?

He gave me a black eye.

That's not my problem.

Well, that's what we're voting about.

That black eye has nothing to do with me.

When you're ready for election, you'll have to vote.

Well, thank you for all the help.

Nice. All right.

That was late Johnny Brennan.

The prank call called.

Hey, me.

Yeah.

That's from the 22nd Turkey Boyz CD.

be sure to check that out

over at jerkyboys.gort

why is this fucking hitting me

dirty air on

yo

pretty good how am I

coming in hot there

you're fine do you have an echo on your end

I have to adjust if you do

no no echo on my end you're looking good

good motherfucker alright

let's do it we're calling apartments getting the snow out of here

get that fucking snow out of here i got shit to do oh yeah we also have k-mart so they're going

out of business we need to talk to them about the glory hole uh let's i don't want to i want

to do one of those you're welcome to join in or jump in how are you doing with the work yes and

everything yes you're really big on the uh the snapchat why uh i don't know it's fun because

you're an old man you know you're not it's kind of no i know because you're like sending me stuff

with like oh i'm in tel aviv look at me i'm a jew now you know and you're like you have like peace

signs and doves flying around like whatever ah you know that's how i roll grow up i got a 13

year old daughter so you gotta get on their level if you want to connect i'm sorry i'm just kidding

you do what you want kid it's all right i will thank you yeah yeah kmart machine call cap kmart

this is crystal how may i help you hi crystal how you doing i'm great how are you i'm not too good

My name is Sid Meier.

How are you doing?

Hey, so me and my friend Aaron are here.

We're talking on the phone.

We're in charge of the club that meets there on a regular basis in the bathrooms.

So we were wondering what the continuity plan is going to be for the store closing.

You say y'all are a club that meets in the bathrooms?

Yeah, we meet on a regular basis in the men's room.

It's a foot tapping club.

Y'all should quit calling here and grow up.

No, no.

The store's closing.

Apparently she knows about the foot tappers, huh?

I'm sure they do

I got a whole list of the ones that are closing

Even Rain Man knows why they're closing

Because he did the math

It's called their shit sucks

It's called they didn't put McDonald's in there

Walmart did that, they had my business after that

So why am I going to go, why am I going to eat at Kmart

That bullshit popcorn and icing

Thank you for calling Cabot Kmart, how can I help you?

Yeah, hi, listen, did we get disconnected?

We were talking about what the plans are for the store closing

Uh, yes

Yes.

You said that y'all meet in the bathroom?

Yeah, well, how long do we have until the store is closed?

April 8th.

Okay, on the 8th.

All right, so what's going to happen with the fixtures inside the men's room?

Because some of us might want to maybe buy those because we're thinking about recreating the bathroom in a different location, a private location.

Oh, this is hilarious.

I also have to tell my IT guys on the line because he needs to go in there.

He needs to get a chance to go in there and do like a site survey.

because we have a wireless router that we put in there

and a few cameras, so we're going to have to get those removed.

There is no cameras in our bathroom.

No, we have them installed.

They're pinhole cameras that are in there.

No, there's not.

Yeah, we did.

You guys don't know where they are,

but we put them in there about three years ago.

Okay, and you are who?

It's just in the men's room, though.

It's nothing gross.

It's not like we're spying on women.

Yeah, we're not interested in the women's room at all.

We haven't been in there.

We have no contacts with the women's room at all.

Yeah.

There was a plan to drill a hole through the men's room, the handicapped stall, to go into the women's room to get, but we never got a chance to expand, you know, like that.

My goodness.

Okay, I'm going to let y'all go.

Y'all have a nice day.

Hey, is that a thing in the women's room?

Do you, like, can you tap your foot in the women's room and, like, get fingered or something?

No, I don't think they do that, the women.

Good old glory hole.

According to the internet, the women love the glory hole.

Well, yeah, of course, but that's all fake.

I can't imagine like...

That's real.

The bang bus?

I mean, those are fine gentlemen.

Totally real.

Those are totally legit.

Here's a different Walmart going on...

Kmart, rather.

Kmart.

Not Walmart yet.

Soon.

Did you want to lead off one?

Yeah, we're going for the glory hole Kmart or whatever.

You can do whatever you want.

It's a Kmart going out of business.

Hey, how's it going there?

I heard you guys are...

The store's closing.

Is that true?

Yes, it is.

Sucks you're going to be out of a job, but I don't really care about that.

What I'm looking for is, so you guys sell those shelves and stuff like that?

Or is there going to be somebody coming in and buying all those or anything like that?

You know, the stuff that they keep the socks and stuff like that on?

Let me ask my manager for you.

Yeah, let's get him on there.

Hello, this is Alex. How can I help you?

Hey, how's it going, Alex?

I heard your store's going out of business there. Is that correct?

Yeah, we're closing.

Oh, okay. That's great.

Well, I'm sorry to hear about that, man.

I hope you can find another job.

Anyways, what I'm looking for is, I like the shelves that you guys have in there,

and I kind of want to put some in my garage.

So are you selling them, or like when the store just closes,

or do you just come in there and take what I want, or what's the deal?

Yeah, just come in and write your name down on a book we have for fixtures.

Oh, okay, yeah, so a lot of people are going in there.

So I'm also interested in some of the stuff, like the bathroom stalls,

because I really like how they're set up.

You know, they get the, are you guys doing toilets, everything?

Is it just getting stripped out, or what's the deal?

Yeah, just put your name down and put down whatever you want,

and then we'll give you a call when we start selling the items.

Oh, okay, so you sell everything and then you start selling, like, floor tiles?

I mean, do you have any idea what this stuff goes for or what?

No, we'll give you a call when they start selling them.

Okay, so here's the deal is that, you know, I like the reason I see all this stuff

is because I go in there, it's kind of a private group, you know,

and I figure you guys are close and I can let you in on it.

It's kind of a, we meet on, like, Backpage, you know, and we use the men's bathroom.

sort of with some sexual things going on there.

It's real private, but some of the guys want to, you know,

they kind of are nostalgic.

We've been going there for a long time.

So we want to kind of recreate this deal

because we have cameras and stuff we set up,

and it's like a webcam thing, you know,

kind of like a glory hole, but it's only for men, you know.

So I think I'll be able to get that stuff.

Well, I'm sorry.

Yeah, you know what?

You can just come down here and put your name on the book,

and then we'll call you when we start selling the pictures.

Okay, that's fine.

Do you want the web address or anything?

Do you want to see any of those videos?

No, when you come in, just go ahead and fill out a book.

It's on the customer service desk.

You'll be fine.

All right, thanks a lot, fuckface.

All right.

He just wanted to push that whole thing.

He just wanted to push the book on me.

Burn the book.

It's like freaking Jehovah's Witness, you know?

Yeah.

Come into your house with books and shit.

That Watchtower, that awake shit.

Fuck that.

i read that that the number one magazine in the world is is watchtower well yeah because they

leave like 50 copies of it everywhere they go what do you mean the number of the most printed

are the most that end up in the trash because i think playboy is probably up there right yeah i

don't know i don't know they're the most printed it must be definitely the most printed because

that's worldwide and that any anywhere like a lot of stores uh we had some friends they'd like they'd

They'd leave the shit, like, in the bathroom.

They'd, like, lift up the National Geographic, you know, the science magazines, and slip it in.

So you'd find it later after they'd come visit.

Hell, it's shady.

Oh, man.

So you know what I did?

I fired her right on top of the fucking car, you know?

Yeah.

Fuck yeah.

Out of here.

All right.

Another Kmart.

I can leave this one out since you did the last one.

Thank you.

Dom the Bomb will be joining us during his lunch break machine.

Obama?

I love him.

Yeah, he's a great president.

Hello, Patashka Kmart.

This is Rhiannon.

Hey, Rihanna.

How you doing?

I'm a big fan.

Good.

Okay.

Hi.

I'm the leader of the Glory Hole Foundation, and we meet regularly here in your location.

And we just found out recently, I guess, that this store is closing.

Yes.

All right.

Can we...

I mean, no one gave me a heads up that you were closing, because I need to work with

the guys.

We need to find a new place to go.

Okay.

And let me let you talk to the management, okay?

Okay.

All right.

I'm not really sure about any of that.

Because we meet in the bathroom and we have anonymous sexual pleasure, you know?

Oh, cool.

Yeah.

Management, please?

Oh, cool.

I think she hung up.

I can let it linger and see if it drops or not.

In the meantime, here's one.

Did you have to let it linger?

That's what I want to know.

Oh, yeah.

Great.

Thanks for bringing that up.

Oh, she did hang up.

My fault.

Totally my fault.

Okay.

I can copy-paste.

I can do this.

so what'd you think of uh israel or wherever you were uh yeah i was in israel i was in uh

it's a small place but um it's a country that nobody knows fucking anything about basically

yeah was it clean pretty clean yeah actually in jerusalem it was really really clean um but uh the

um tel aviv is like the los angeles of the of the middle east as far as i'm concerned like

very liberal pretty liberal there's not a lot of jews there's bacon or there's jews but you

You know, you can get bacon and everything's open on the Sabbath.

Oh, nice.

Sabbath, that shit's fucking interesting, man.

Okay.

All right.

So they're moderates and stuff.

So the Sabbath, like, shit's closed?

It's a Sunday?

Oh, yeah.

Saturday, actually.

So their work week is Sunday through Thursday.

Okay.

So Friday you get ready for the Sabbath, and Saturday is Sabbath.

And you're not supposed to drive a car, not supposed to handle money, just like Walter Soapchick.

Okay.

All right.

Cool.

Sounds interesting.

Did you have any pork over there?

any white steak is that what they call it yeah no it's just bacon i mean in tel aviv you can go to

they have american style restaurants and stuff like that but it's not easy to find so the thing

about it is is the kosher kosher food so you can't have you can't miss me mix milk and cheese

it's weird so you can't get a cheeseburger no cheeseburger and you can't get like a steak with

a glass of milk weird okay and it's it's okay it sounds like it would make me go crazy

that was a little weird good morning game artist margaret speaking to help you good

hey margaret hi um we're wondering you guys are closing here well we are in liquidation now

shit yeah oh man all right so what's the last time i can use the bathroom i don't know like

what's the last day it's going to be open for bathroom well we're hoping to still stay here

about until uh april okay so sometime in april you're saying then i will no longer be able to

go to the bathroom there yes okay um where do you know where the where the guys are moving to

no we don't okay has anyone left any information about where the group or the group of guys that

meets in the bathroom uh are we going to a park or a kmart somewhere else or something well what

But where are you from?

Well, I'm a member of the club of men that meets here in the bathrooms on a regular basis.

Oh.

I don't know.

I don't know who's going to take over the building.

I don't know if they're going to throw it down or somebody else.

Okay.

We don't know that information at all.

We cruise for sex in the bathroom.

Hello?

Yeah.

We cruise for sex in the bathroom.

I'm sorry.

Hold on.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Hold on.

Click.

click sorry i clicked on a website and fucking took off on me it does that sometimes labia um

so

where else do they have snow around

you or do you are you uh what so uh uh uh uh sorry i forgot my pill this morning uh

uh are you in you don't like to call your state right i don't yeah but uh new york the same way

new york is getting it so i'm calling up new hampshire new york yeah i don't know if new

hampshire is uh i know new york is i know new york because i'm calling i was calling buffalo

obvi and they were having responses here to the snow they're like yeah we're working on it

kind of you know yeah good it's the snow call the hotel and find out about the snow oh the hotel

see that's why you're here hotels i love hotels they always answer i like dingy hotels yeah yeah

with the with the hookers yeah the hookers hookers hooker little hooker all right um that one looks

fancy here's a courtyard by marriott and our the id is coming up as the venus adult theater and

bookstore huh if you're wondering oh from us okay yeah all right i'll try it where are we at uh

Uh, Buffalo, New York, Marriott.

Having fun here at the Courtyard by Marriott.

My name is Isis.

How can I help you?

Hi, what was the name again?

My name is Isis.

Isis.

Well, that sucks.

Yes.

Uh, so hey, I'm looking for, uh, so look, I'm looking to come into town, uh, tonight.

Uh, I got a, I got a date, like, on the internet, like a, uh, and, uh, but I heard there's snow

over there.

Is it going to be a problem getting in there, or what?

Um, it shouldn't be.

No, you guys got the snow plows and shit?

I'm, I'm, I'm in the, I'm in the Pacific Northwest.

i'm on the left coast so i don't know anything about it over there this is buffalo right yes

all right yeah i'm on the uh it's like uh it's like a website you know dating website you know

pretty lonely guy so uh found a nice lady who wants to meet me in buffalo tonight so do you

guys have any openings give me one moment um i like the top floor okay unfortunately i don't have

have any standard kings or any king suites reviews available on the top floor tonight

yeah we're probably not gonna be doing a lot of sleeping you know i'm saying so i don't really

care about that uh but i just need to make sure i'm going to be able to get in here because uh

you know that's this website that i'm on it's for uh really uh large women you know like 300

pounds plus you know kind of a deal gotcha and uh i like them big girls so gotcha uh

Now, if I got a roller in there, I will, but I can't have her slipping and falling.

That would ruin my date.

I'm spending a lot of money to get over there, you know?

Gotcha.

Unfortunately, I wish I could accommodate, but I cannot.

So there's nothing going on?

You don't have just like a small room?

Nothing going on there?

No, I'm sorry.

All right.

What about you, Isis?

Are you a big girl?

I come talk to you over there?

Can I ask who this is?

Because now it's getting a little...

Oh, my name's Brent.

Brent?

Brant, Westwood.

Oh, okay.

No.

Maybe we can FaceTime or something like that?

Yeah, no, thank you.

You have a good day, Brant.

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

You a medium-sized girl or what?

I mean, I'm into that, too.

All right.

Claire, Claire.

FaceTime.

Give me the FaceTime, bitch.

Give me some FaceTime.

No.

And no.

All right.

I found something interesting.

Let's see if this number answers.

I can't figure out how to get it off.

Thank you for calling the filling station and Larkin Square.

For reservations or to place a takeout order, please press 1.

To reach the manager or to schedule a private event, please press 3.

Thank you for calling the filling station.

How can I help you?

Yeah, is this Larkin?

Larkin Square?

Yes.

Okay.

Is Jaiad there?

This is actually the filling station, the restaurant in front.

But what about, is Jaiad there?

I don't know who that is.

The phone larker?

Larkin?

Phone larking?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, no, we're Larkin Square.

Phone Larkin, though.

Phone Larkin.

Yeah, I don't know what that is.

Well, I told Siri to call Phone Larkin, and you came up.

This isn't it, then.

Well, what do I say?

How do I say it?

I don't know what you're trying to say.

I'm trying to say I need to talk to Jaiad.

So he's with Phone Larkin.

So I say call Larkin.

We're not Phone Larkin.

Okay, but then what do I do, then?

I don't know.

How do I make it go?

Is there a man I can talk to that can help me?

No.

It's just women there?

Yeah.

It's only three of us.

Maybe a different woman.

Because you're ignorant, you know?

I'm just confused.

We're not a phone company?

Yeah, I know.

It's Larkin Square in Buffalo.

Yeah, well, I'm trying to call phone Larkin.

Jaiad from phone Larkin.

Hold on.

Okay.

Hello?

Hi, I'm trying to call phone Larkin.

Okay.

I don't know what that means.

I said, Siri, call phone Larkin, and it connected me to you.

Okay.

So what is Fon Larkin, sir?

Well, put Jaiad on because he's with Fon Larkin.

I need to talk to him.

Put who on?

Jaiad.

I don't know who that is.

Well, ask around, honey.

Excuse me, sir.

I'm not going to help you if you're going to be rude.

I'm not being rude.

I was saying, can you just ask around?

I mean, because I have this back and forth.

No one here works by that name.

Okay, but maybe a guest there then.

No one here is a guest by that name.

How do you know if you haven't inquired?

This is a restaurant.

Okay.

I have one table in here, and no one has that name.

You're a one-table restaurant?

This is the manager, and you do not need to talk to my server the way you did.

Okay, there's no W-O in manager, first of all.

And I asked earlier to speak to a man, and I get a woman.

And now you're saying you're the manager.

That's nice, honey.

Is there a man I can talk to, though?

You can call somewhere else if you want to talk to a man.

No, goddammit.

I need to talk to Larkin.

Oh, all right.

It works every time.

I don't know why.

It's funny.

Yeah, well, because it's terrible, that's why.

Yeah, you're an awful person.

I am. Terrible.

Like Charles Barkley would say.

Fucking Charles Barkley's going to be on SNL this week,

and I don't understand why.

I don't know what he'd be promoting.

Uh, is it Fried Chicken Month?

Oh, maybe he's running for president.

He's always wanting to get into politics.

It must be a politic thing.

I'm sure he's going to mention politics.

Thank you for calling the Larkin Development Group.

If you know your party's four-digit extension,

you may enter it at any time.

To reach building security, please press 1.

To reach facilities management...

Larkin Security, out.

When are you going to get the goddamn snow out of here, motherfuckers?

Pardon me?

When are you people going to get the fucking snow out of here, motherfuckers?

Uh, I don't control the snow.

Well, who does, motherfucker?

Where are you calling from, sir?

I'm at the Larkin.

Which Larkin building?

The Exchange Larkin.

Okay, where are you parked?

Uh, right here in General Parking.

The General Parking.

I don't know.

I'm not super, you know...

I'm not trying to sound ignorant or nothing.

But you need to get this shit fixed.

Oh, I understand that.

I just have no control over...

Get the fucking snow out of this motherfucker.

I understand your issue, sir, but I have no control.

I could try to get someone to do it, but I have no control over it.

Let's go.

I'll hold.

Let's go.

I got this guy, and he's saying that he needs us to...

What's funny is you're calling New York, and so they're like, oh, this guy's pissed.

They don't even care.

Yeah.

They're used to it.

If you call somebody on the West Coast, they'd be like, they'd just hang up on you.

that is the difference now it's just snowing in new york city hi dom the bomb hi big carlito

that's my amigo everyone listen to this cat call people yeah i gotta you're on i can play that

dom the bomb uh got the uh new podcast intro created and i've already added it to one episode

it hasn't dropped yet but it's edited middle of editing the last show i did and once that's done

i would like to edit this one i'm doing now and release them all at the same time and i'm going

going to try to aim to do it tonight yes matt i've been stuck here because of the snow so i've

been doing nothing but edit today i'm eating turkey bacon and egg whites that's what i did

today so far and now when we take a break in a little bit i'm gonna go i'm gonna have myself

a nice lean cuisine pizza in the microwave and so right now my lunch oh yeah you're having lean

cuisine or pizza pizza so yeah what kind of pizza i'll put that on hold enjoy your show you

oh cool i'm glad you're having pizza there larkin development group i think we're already

talking to them larkin center of commerce well i'm done with that idea we're recalling hotels

right hang on i got it i got a hotel in the chat the hotel lafayette and then i have another one

it's the uh it's it's a our uncle sam's army navy outlet okay uh we can find out if there's

an uncle tom there as well okay that's that works uncle tom uh here's the lafayette first

you don't need to format numbers because i just copy paste them anyway oh yeah you're not using

in the skype is anymore right nope don't worry about it so i get jalapenos and thank you for

calling the hotel lafayette myself thank you for calling hotel lafayette this is britney how may i

help you hey britney uh listen you need to get the snow out of here out of exactly out of outside

because it's in the way you need to get this shit out of here excuse me is it in the front of the

hotel yeah you need to get the fucking shit snow out of here what the fuck are you doing why are

you just sitting there why are you just sitting there and don't tell me you're standing why are

you're just standing there why don't you come outside and clean some of the fucking snow

and put some of the fucking salt down motherfucker thank you so much have a great day hey put a man

on the phone excuse me put a man on the phone let's go my name is cross and i'm a guest hello

and what's your last name cross all you need is cross don't look me up on the computer don't do

that don't you dare do that shit okay you have a great day bye i i fucked that up from the beginning

that was doomed from the beginning let's go back to the other call which is still on hold okay

Hey, you've got to get this shit out of here.

Excuse me, who's this?

My name is Cross.

Cross? How can I help you, Cross?

You need to get the fucking snow out of this shit, motherfucker.

Excuse me?

You need to get the fucking snow out of here. Let's go, let's go.

What's taking so fucking long to get the snow?

Out of where?

We're trying to do skateboarding and there's snow all over outside in the square.

You're not supposed to be skateboarding in the square.

That doesn't matter right now. We're pedestrians. We want to walk through.

We're going to hold our step.

You want to walk through?

Yeah.

There's a walkway pass for you.

You need to get the fucking shit out of here, motherfucker, you.

What do you do?

Are you Facilities?

Excuse me?

Are you Facilities, goddammit?

Sir, I really don't appreciate the tone or your language.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

How are you?

Let me put my buddy on the phone.

He's calmer, okay?

Dom, talk to this.

Sure.

Hey, what's up, bro?

Hey, how are you?

We're just trying to skate, dude.

We got some new trucks.

Just want to go in the quad?

There's no skating in the square, so you can skate outside.

Come on, bro.

Yeah.

I mean, when you were young, didn't you used to skate all over the place, bro?

He probably broke the skateboard when he stood on it.

Yeah, because he's so fat.

He's just sitting there, lazy.

He got on the skateboard and he broke it.

It snapped to half.

Are you just sitting there, dude?

Get off your fucking lazy ass and help us.

God.

Yeah, absolutely.

I'll be right out there.

Hurry up.

We have hot dogs.

Tell me we have hot dogs.

I got a sausage.

We have hot dogs.

Oh, that's awesome.

I went back right at the right time.

I was like, whoa, what the fuck am I calling?

That's right.

The Larkin Square.

Did I start that off with my snow?

or did I start off looking for Jaiad again?

No, no, it was Snow because it was a security guard

that transferred me to him.

It doesn't matter. It turned out awesome.

That worked out perfectly. We're doing good.

Yay!

Did you have the Army-Navy outlet?

Yeah, it's in the chat.

And then also Pizza Place.

Uncle Sam.

Are you going to ask for Uncle Tom? This one's yours.

Yeah, I'm on it.

The reason I keep asking for movie quotes

and sound bites is because

uh you heard the party time outro right yes good afternoon uncle sam's army navy hey what's going

on uncle tom this is uh this is brent how's it going good all right uh i'm looking for a jacket

because it's fucking cold out here with the snow right what do you got for me i'm looking for the

warmest thing so what we're trying to do is we're trying to get these jackets and uh jump on the

you know just like bomb down on the on the hill you know like without a sled you got anything for

army i got some siberian parkas canadian three-piece siberian no i don't i don't mess

with that communist shit okay i got canadian three-piece parkas oh yeah socialist i want

something made in america you got anything like that i have m65 jackets with the liners

with the liners what color are they camel camel oh i like that i like that you know i got i got

a lot of camouflage stuff i got a lot of uh i got a lot of uh ammunition and weapons and stuff like

that so um what about uh what do you have from germany do you have anything from germany i have

uh flack tar jackets oh flack does it have a armor in it or what i have to take a look all

right all right so uh what about uncle tom is he in no he's not he's away on a family emergency

okay all right is he is he shoveling the fucking snow because it's everywhere huh

oh it's everywhere yeah how did you even get into work today i would have just closed the

the shit down you know what he wasn't willing to so i got here very slowly all right yeah yeah well

so is uh is his son in jail is that what the problem is or he just he's just on a lazy ass huh

no actually his mom got into a car accident in the snow she shouldn't have been fucking driving

she was down in virginia oh yeah well you know typical woman driver yeah that's true all right

honey well uh we'll call back later all right all right bye all right we'll call back later everybody

but yeah i couldn't get anywhere with her yes whatever i forgot what i was saying parkins

this you were saying why movie quotes did i ever hear matt's outro oh um i wanted to scratch

something like i wanted to have my homie who did the scratches for party time do like a funny like

scratch for you oh okay okay did i know right right did you do that with a zipper just now

No, it was my mouth.

Oh, very nice.

Thank you.

No ricottos.

All right, I'd like to make an order, please.

And what can I get for you?

Want a horse?

A horse?

It's got to be Gino.

Yes, you know it.

It's me.

What's going on?

What can I get for you?

I'm snowed in.

I've been jerking off.

I got hungry.

I would work up an appetite, yeah.

Yeah, you want to come over here and work it up again?

I could.

All right, come on.

The boss left me a leaf.

Yeah, we can fuck.

We can do some blow, too.

Get some Coke.

There you go.

See?

Yeah, smoke some weed, drink some beers.

say you're my favorite already i'll get my dog in here he can watch us fuck oh wow yeah i like

to be watched by the dog yeah oh then i'll hit you in the back of the head with a brick oh my

yeah you don't want me to wake up and enjoy it huh yeah that's how i like it all right i like

to make order five pizzas please jalapenos jalapeno and sausage so cheese jalapeno and

sausage yeah and sauce you want five of them yeah five of them let's go let's go let's go

pepperoni right so cheese pepperoni jalapenos and sausage right right okay and uh five beers

what kind uh you got heinekens yeah all right all right and you have a salad what kind of salad

uh greek salad yeah and put that on the pizza oh all right and put mayonnaise on it

gino you are crazy open the chocolate pudding and dump it on top of it yeah you got the munchies

Don't you?

Right.

Yeah, and then roll it up like a blunt.

There you go.

Shove it up your fat ass.

I've been drinking.

Don't put the food in because I've been drinking.

I'm just kidding.

You don't want the food?

No.

You don't want the food?

No, but I'm going to go down there and throw a brick through the window, all right?

Oh, that works for me.

Just make sure I'm not in front of the window, okay?

Oh, I hope you are.

Thanks.

I like blood.

I like blood play.

Oh, my.

Yeah, blood play is hot.

If you say so.

All right, I'll see you later.

All right, I got to go.

gotta take a shit all right bye bye gino okay gino is gonna have a real jesus she was nice

she was down to fuck gino though who the fuck is gino gino apparently is a sick fuck i don't know

she's into it i think everybody there's named gino right i guess yeah she was always into like

the sickest fucks you know what i mean they're like always into like the weirdest dude yeah

the buffalo's real man the pizza reels pizza chicks are all like yeah let's do some blow

oh sure yeah flying pizza girls and and chicks that work at best buy are always like the fucking

best buy that's you know party girls i've never i've never i don't like calling best

because it's such a pain in the ass to get through that phone tree every time man

norfolk southern is that a is that a train company or is that a trucking company did i put that in

there no i did oh did you put one all right if you did no i didn't no i just the rest last one

was a pizza place i gotta take a piss i don't want to take a break because dom is on his lunch

break i don't want to take up 50 minutes of his lunch break just sitting there you know

oh so we got the buffalo here let me put this in you call it i'll see if i can keep them on

the line let me take a leak and if not you guys uh you guys got entertained all right okay because

i will play the i wanted to play the new podcast intro for everyone to hear while dom is on but i

don't think it's long enough for me to take a piss the buffalo bilingual center the buffalo

Buffalo Bilingual Center.

Is that the Buffalo School one here?

Yeah.

Okay, good.

You have reached Bilingual Center, Buffalo Public School number 33.

Press 1 to continue in English.

Oh, no.

Sorry, it's a public school.

I'm not going to call it a public school.

Oh, is it really?

God damn it.

God damn these people.

I can't do that.

Shit.

Let's teach them the Puerto Rican.

Teach the Puerto Ricans English.

So...

I got standards, all right?

No, I don't blame you, man.

You're right.

I don't know if a railroad company is really what's up.

All right, I'll be fast.

Here's the Flying Bison Brewing Company in Buffalo.

Maybe they...

Oh, they're close to it.

Never mind.

I love Puerto Ricans.

It's the Mexicans that I can't stand.

They're dirty.

Here's a gas station.

You got to drag this out.

Good luck, man.

Corporate office.

Where at?

Where?

In Buffalo.

yeah in buffalo they might they probably have snow and shit you know they need to get it out

yeah you want to lead and then i'll be your backup whatever you say that sounds good when i run out

of things to say okay as soon as they pick up you want to run on you got the gas are you running out

of gas over there the gas yeah is this pizza or is this gas hold up all right oh what's going on

and my cousin gave me this number he said i need to get to get to get the gas come get the gas

you got gas over there okay is this a fucking gas station or not yeah how much is are you guys

out i heard with the snow there's no gas all right give me one second sounds like he's just

throwing the phone they're tossing it back and forth they're real busy there it sounds like

this is brent who the fuck is this okay can i help you yeah yeah i want to know how much the

gas is and if you guys get the fucking snow out of there or not i don't think so don't call me

buddy pal i just got back what did i miss was there any good i just wasn't i just started

yelling at the end i was yelling at the guy same number yeah all right good i got him

about the sad change

Trash is going to always be Tuesday

weekly

I can hear me

Hello

Take out the fucking recycling

All this stuff in there too

Yeah and the cardboard

Just throw it in there

Get me the god damn gas you motherfucker

Did he have a place down in Jamestown too?

No he didn't

shut the fuck up hey we're on the phone all right oh sorry oh you're fine i hung up uh i mean he

hung up and i'm calling back from a different caller id i'll find something else while this

rings out hello hello hello okay he finally picked up i wonder how much snow they have in

buffalo right now what about philly how come we're not prank calling about the fucking eagles or

whatever uh well because they're in my state oh that's right sorry i forgot yeah they got like

Like 6 to 12 inches, depending on where you are in that area.

Buffalo?

Yeah.

Hi, McDonald's, may I help you?

Yeah, hey, McDonald's.

Excuse me?

This is the McDonald's?

Yes, it is.

Yeah, you guys need to get the snow out of here.

You need to get the shit out of here.

To get what?

You need to get the snow out of here.

You need to get that shit out of here.

May I help you?

Yeah, I'm here.

I'm parked.

I want to come inside, but there's too much fucking snow.

You got to get the shit out of here.

McDonald's?

Yeah.

You want to come in McDonald's, but there's too much snow?

I'm at the Rite Aid looking over, and I can see all the fucking snow,

and I want to go get some stuff, but not with all that snow.

You guys need to get that shit out of here.

Oh, so what do you want me to do about it?

Well, get out there and start cleaning the fucking snow.

Oh, no.

Honey, for one, you don't call nobody's store and talk like that.

Well, this is bullshit.

I need to go out there and get my McDonald's.

Okay, have a good day, sir.

Bye-bye.

Fucker.

Fucker, you.

It's like the audacity of his call.

Yeah, get your fucking shit snow.

Like, dude, wait a minute.

It's probably still snowing.

Can't be going out there now.

I need my fucking chicken nuggets.

Or they probably did remove some.

Hello?

Ah, they ended it.

It's like we're talking shit about the way they cleaned the snow out.

That's what you got to say.

You did a really shitty job with this.

Yeah, listen.

I'm over here at the McDonald's across the way.

You at McDonald's?

Yeah, you know McDonald's?

Yes.

Yeah, I'm over here.

I'm looking over.

I need to go over there and get my prescriptions.

But you guys need to get the fucking snow out of there.

You guys need to get the snow out. There's too much snow. I can't I got to walk over there

I can't walk over there like this. You guys need to get the shit out

No, that's your snow you need to clear your snow I need to be able to walk through safe motherfucker come on

Yeah, why don't I talk hold on? Hold on. What

fuck is this guy? I don't know if he's like from Africa or from Asia

Oh shit, Tim Tebow's on TV.

Motherfucker.

Hit him in the head with a brick.

Makes me want to be a father.

This is Rihanna.

Shut the fuck up. Here's Family Dollar.

Fuckers, though.

Speak English.

please press three or hold the line and your call will be connected i choose to hold thank you for

calling family taking too long this is the uh pharmacy again here with the um with the jfk

recreation center see if they have a phone number yeah they do city all right about five minutes

left it's a big field what's that i have about five minutes left oh shit i'm about yeah i'll

make this quick i'll make this quick that's cool bro you don't have to make it quick because

record your message at the tone when you are

on the freakist

freakist right something

like that right real quick

hey Dom I want to thank you I'm going to take that

break then you can take your last five minutes

but let me play this real quick while you're on the line

the volume is

way too low

I'll start it again

I'm in the streets listening to madhouse live I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth

style that we get from Carlito that's my big amigo so just kick back to listen to this cat

call people when this show goes live I'll be like damn this shit's bitching stop whatever I'm doing

to tune in and listen you can catch me in the back of his home at horse machine ranch road I'm

busting mad fat flows for assholes and banchos my spit crazy shout out to big amy that's nice

We kissin' pussies so ladies such a labia

It's crazy how the stuff that my bruh might say to ya

Face it cause it's the number one prank cast

Stay back if you can't handle all the straight laughs

That we hand to your dome

And if you want, call the number

You can listen to this show on the go

Big up to the man in the madhouse

He showed up, just stick your motherfuckin' hands up

Some come close, but they can't get it right

Let the king do his thing, it's time for Madhouse Live

Big up to the man in the madhouse

show love just take your motherfucking hands up some come close but they can't get it right let

the king do his thing it's time for madhouse live nobody yay thank you dom that was great

that's gonna be glad you like it yeah i'm gonna use it because it's long been time for a new

podcast intro so that's definitely that's a new one thank you so much man no problem i'm

super glad you like it excellent you did an excellent job thank you all right uh you can

can hang on here or whatnot uh aaron same to you you want to stay you can i'm gonna take a break

i shall be back after a few pranks are played here be sure to check out the show over at madhouse

live.com patreon.com slash madhouse you can also dial into the show listen on the phone if you have

to leave your computer or smart device 605-475-0097 again that's 605-475-0097 you can listen

Listen to Madhouse Radio streaming 24-7, 365, including live shows that are due.

All right?

Okay.

All right.

I'll be back shortly.

Thank you.

Stealing the track, strike three.

All is 213.

It's the L and the B that makes me act like a G.

My exhibition's coming back tonight.

You're listening to Madhouse Live on the largest prank call station in the nation.

Prank call nation.

Original, they never will.

Bad House Radio will be back right after this.

When you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trap door at the bottom.

So when you die, you open that trap door at the bottom, check the GPS, and you go straight.

Bad House Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Thank you. Did I mention thank you?

Dude, Aaron dropped out.

He will have to call back if he needs to be back on.

If anyone else is available and would like to join me,

you can. If not, I will continue to fly

slow, low. Slow, low. Slow and

low. That's me. You know it.

About another hour or so

of show, depending on the breaks.

Alrighty. Let me find another

city to call regarding the

snow. I need to get out of here.

Get that snow out of here, everybody.

Yeah.

Tamento.

This is Brothers with Mercy Wellness Campus.

For information on our growing community, please listen carefully as our menu options

contain.

Press 1 for Montefiore Heights, and then speaking of living with heart disease.

Press 2 for Brothers with Mercy Nursing and Rehabilitation Center.

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This is all B&R Homes.

Coming through, leaving bloodstains and residues.

Sorry, but your flow's out of use.

Got to pay your dues.

Maybe you know the way.

Travel the world, I land cruise.

If you choose to fuck around, you get cruised.

Now I got your gas on super unleaded fuse.

Give me room, give me some space.

Yeah, I'm Sharon Young speaking.

How can I help you?

Yeah, you guys need to get the snow out of here, ma'am.

I'm sorry?

You guys got to get the snow out of here.

Tell me about it.

I keep putting that in, and nobody's responding yet.

I don't know what you mean.

Who's that?

How do you go, why don't you get off your ass and do something?

I'm sorry?

Why don't you get off your ass and do something?

Who is this?

I'm here, staying at the apartment machine, and I need to get the fuck out of here.

I gotta go pick up a pizza and go to the pharmacy and pick up some medications.

I mean, there's too much fucking snow here.

I can't get the fuck out.

Who is this that I'm speaking with?

Kraus.

I'm sorry?

Kraus.

Kraus?

Kraus.

Yeah.

Where are you staying?

In the...

Yeah, her old...

Oh, yeah.

In what apartment?

I'm in 112th.

Oh.

And...

Oh.

Hello?

What the fuck?

Oh.

This is Sherry Ann.

How can I...

Hello?

Yeah, did I lose you?

What happened?

You're paying in the office?

Um, no.

I was asking you questions, and you didn't respond.

And we're disconnected.

I was saying yes, yes, yes, and it got quiet for many times, and then I hang up.

I'm going to call back.

No, I was asking, who are you here with at the...

Yeah, her, but not...

my name is cross i don't know who i'm here with i just met them at a bar recently

i don't know the full name it's number 112 and what i'm saying you're at a you're at a

okay you're at a bar but you're calling me to no no no no i met this person that lives here at the

bar i'm in the apartment now they're not here i don't know what their full name is we're just

having casual encounters right now he said i could stay here because he has tv i can watch the game

on here so i was watching the game and i wanted to get out of here because i didn't want to pick

up a prescription and pick up weed and pick up a pizza but there's too much fucking snow here

on the ground who are you here with i told you already i don't know the name i don't know the

real name no i need an i need a name you just know the apartment and apartment number just

send someone to get the fucking snow out of here god damn it yeah can you see how inappropriate

you're being well i'm a little frustrated because you're not honestly you're not understanding the

the things i'm saying and is there a man i can talk to or perhaps some you can i beg your pardon

can you hold on just a moment okay you gotta speak with a man hi this is valerie can i help

you okay wrong again honey i need to talk to a man that can't be a real i unfortunately don't

have a man available to speak with you that's the problem is that the problem then i guess

listen why don't you people get the snow out of here out of where out of the apartment around

We're on the apartments.

I need to get out of here.

I have to do stuff.

Well, who is this?

What apartment?

We can help.

Zero.

No, but whatever they're called.

It's number 112.

112.

Okay, I'll get somebody over there.

All right.

Is it going to be a man, though?

Because you're telling me that there's no man.

Well, no.

There's no man available to speak with you.

I'll send a gentleman over there to help.

It better be a man, not be a woman with a snowshoe.

Well, those know what she's doing, you know?

Yeah, I'm sending a man right now.

Can I talk to him first, though?

just to make sure

that he knows what to do.

Hello?

I hear you.

Yeah, I just picked up again.

They're on their way.

All right, but I wanted

to talk to the person

because I'd rather talk

to the man

that's going to be coming

to make sure they know

what to do.

I thought you were here.

What do you mean, you think I'm here?

Are you here at 112, or are you not on the property?

Yeah, I'm on 112.

Yeah, he's on his way down to 112.

He's going to talk to me then, right, motherfucker?

Right?

Ha ha!

Hello?

Okay, now they're on.

I thought they were gone.

Which motherfucker stole my flow?

Yeah, I'm calling back to speak to that man, please.

Oh, I hear the man there now.

Calypso.

So, see, I never know this before, but you can hear Busta Rhymes gulping for air between

every single one of those little verses, every single bar.

Does that happen in all rap music?

I've never noticed that before until now in a rap song where there's going,

the whole time.

Let me go back and you see what I'm talking about, motherfucker.

Listen, listen, listen in between when you hear him go.

i've never noticed that before i have never noticed anyway who cares right who cares

okay normal call clearing i don't know why it does that yeah exactly nick terry on mixler yeah

Yeah, they are simply recorded.

They added those.

Hello, and thank you for calling.

It does sound like they're simply recorded.

They put those in there.

Hello, and thank you for calling Lane Maintenance.

All right, let me try to call just the leasing office.

I'm sorry, but...

Can't get through there.

Maybe, oh, no, it's like three something.

They shouldn't be closing yet.

Unless they're like lazy places.

Lazy fucking apartments where they don't want to answer you after three o'clock.

I'll keep trying a few.

We'll do some more Kmartzises.

This is...

Hello, you have reached...

If you know your party's extension, enter it now.

For a dial-by-name directory, press 1.

If you are calling regarding rental assistance, press 2.

All others, press 0 for reception.

Can I help you?

Hi, you guys are closing.

I see you are hiring for the closing.

I'm not sure if we still are, but I can transfer you to Kristen and the hiring manager.

I'm just your fan of my balls.

I need to do something, you know?

Okay.

All right, so you're going to transfer me now, honey?

Yeah.

All right, baby.

I'm still on hold over there.

I don't need this.

If you are looking...

Hello?

Can I help you?

Yeah, hi.

I'm calling about the job machines.

Just a moment, please.

What are you doing?

How may I direct your call?

Yeah, you guys need to get the snow out of here.

Say that again?

You need to get the damn snow out of here.

The damn snow.

Get it out of here.

How can I connect your call?

It's taking too long.

You guys need to get the snow out of here.

I need to meet my guy up the street for weed.

I can't walk through this, and I'm going to pick up a pizza and beers.

Hold on.

I got my call on the other line.

All right, hurry up, asshole.

Did you know that Petal Modium Resource offers free financial education and home buyer workshops?

Just ask our receptionist to direct you.

If you are looking to see my source, visit www.wakelistcheck.com.

Kmart, how can I help you?

Yeah, I'm calling about the job I said.

Oh, yeah, we got disconnected.

connected um she's actually on lunch right now well why the hell why fuck yeah so how long is

the jobs for how long you open it still because i'm hoping maybe if i do really good i can get

permanent you know well the store's closing all right okay can i have the toilets when you're

done um i don't if you want to call back in an hour and talk to somebody that would be great

god damn it you know that god damn it to you get the fuck off my phone hang the fuck phone on

motherfucker you do you want me to call the cops why what did i do other than get upset what did i

do what's the charge what's the charge motherfucker fuck you don't give me any trouble yeah you guys

need to get the snow out of here where are you who is it i'm at the main property you guys need

to get the fucking snow out the fucking place there's too much fucking snow here guess what

the snow pile is going around the fucking places right now well it's taking its fucking time and

i gotta buy weed oh she don't give a shit yeah you got to get the fucking snow out of here man

I got shit I got to do.

Excuse me?

You got to get the fucking snow out of here.

I got shit I got to do, I said.

Who am I speaking to?

This is Cross.

You don't...

Who?

This is Cross, goddammit.

I have no idea who you are.

Okay, well, I'm a resident.

You guys need to get the fucking snow out of here so I can get the fuck out of here.

I appreciate you keeping your language.

Well, I'm upset.

I've been waiting a long time to get the fucking motherfucker snow out of here.

Where do you live?

I'm a fucking motherfucker.

Watch your mouth.

Goddammit.

Knock it off.

All right, I'm sorry.

I'm upset.

What's your name?

I've been stuck here snowed in.

Where do you live?

I've been drinking.

It's a housing authority.

Where?

The main one.

The big one.

The high rise.

Yes.

And the fucking snow.

What's your apartment number?

I'm stuck because of the fucking snow.

And the fucking snow everywhere.

What's your apartment number?

Fucking shit, motherfucking snow.

Hey, knock it off.

112.

We don't even have a 112.

Do you live on Main Street?

Yeah, motherfucker.

You got the wrong number.

God damn, get the fucking number.

snow out of my way all your call your property your your snow's in the high rise it's at the

high rise i'm trying to walk through motherfucker hi care of her right away get that shit out of

here motherfucker i gotta go i gotta buy a problem i gotta buy weed from i gotta buy weed

well you're evicted done right away well i'm buying it from someone who's staying there

oh good but i can't get in there right now huh who was that who was that lysol i his name is

lysol that's all i know lysol yeah that's the only name i know for him i don't know he's a

the black guy okay why is he's gone too then right thanks mr cross no don't don't come on hey man

come on you can't do that section eight housing baby lysol i was gonna try to find out who lysol

is alias lysol we need to find out who that is oh there we got someone knows where that building is

they live in the area cool go down there man let us let me know give me a legit uh apartment number

i'll give him a call i'll say yeah lysol lives here lysol lives here

for calling kmart this is nanette how may i help you yeah you guys are going out of business you're

closing yes sir okay where am i supposed to buy um my stuff at now you can still shop online and

you can still shop at sears yeah i know but i mean i get you know lysol that works there

he sells me uh my medicine you know what i mean we haven't had a pharmacy here since may 23rd

Well, yeah, I know.

The pharmacist is gone.

He sells me medication, wink, wink.

Right, but we have not had a pharmacy since May 23rd.

Everything went to Walgreens.

Okay, it's not like a pharmacy doesn't sell this kind of medication.

It's kind of like for my glaucoma, if you catch me.

You would have to try Walmart, Target, Walgreens, places like that.

We're here until April 8th.

Well, do you know where Lysol is going to be working at next?

Because he's the guy I buy the weed from.

I don't have a Lysol that works here.

Well, we call him Lysol.

I don't know what his real name is.

I just know I go back there, and he's usually there.

I text him, and he says, yeah, come here, meet me at work.

Usually I meet him in the furniture area.

I have no idea who you're talking about.

Well, I usually just, like, he tells me to open one of the drawers in the furniture area,

and I have to leave my money in there, and then I take one of the bags of weed out.

I have no idea who you're talking about, and if I did, they would not work here anymore.

Well, his name is Lysol.

Can you ask him where he's going to be working at

Or can I get a number

I don't know who he is

I don't know anybody by the name of Lysol

And we don't do drug deals here

So you'll have to find some place

He does, he does

I've been coming here for months

She probably is probably the store manager

She didn't

Like not think it was not happening

That was in Colorado

So that's stupid because I could get it

I could get it anywhere

Well this is Colorado Springs

springs from i understand colorado springs did not does not allow any medical marijuana on its

property in the area there's no um i guess it's not illegal to have it in town but there are no

dispensaries there that's why that's why that's why it works body and computerized mind yeah

thank you for calling kmart this is nanette how may i help you nanette where's the closest like

dispensaries because there's like none in in town in colorado springs right uh there's a dispensary

just about on every corner you look at

since it's legal here in Colorado.

But not in Colorado Springs.

Yes, it's legal in Colorado Springs also

and there's a dispensary almost every corner

so you'll have to look it up in the phone book.

I'm not a phone book. Thank you.

Oh, you see?

I knew...

Watch this. It's pretty cool.

I thought Colorado Springs was exempt from that.

I guess I was wrong.

I could swear at first I heard it

that Colorado Springs had passed a law

or an edict saying that there would be no dispensaries there.

But you probably just have to go to the next city over.

Or are they like, shit, we need that money.

I don't know where it got.

It was a news article that I read or I watched something.

Probably CNN fake news, right, guys?

Colorado is trying to say, like, shit, we need that pot money.

Lysol is still making all the money in town.

Fuck that Lysol.

Lysol is like, I'm the only guy that sells weed in this town.

Unless you drive five minutes down the highway to the next city over.

Every street corner, guys.

Wow, it's like that over there.

That's awesome.

Thanks for talking about my camera.

How can I help you?

Yeah, you guys are going out of business, I heard.

Yes.

Oh, shit, man.

So do you know where Lysol's going to be at from now on, where he's going to be working?

Right now, it's still in the pantry.

Lysol?

Same aisle it was.

Okay, yeah, yeah, because I've been buying weed from him for...

Can you hear me?

Yeah, you hear me?

Hello?

Yeah, hey, hi.

It's in the same aisle as it's always been in.

Yeah, because I've been buying weed from Lysol for about, like, six months now.

Like, I just meet him back there.

So you're saying he's going to be still there, but what about after the store closes?

Do you know where he's going to be at?

Wait, who are you looking for?

i don't know his real name i just know i we all call him lysol he's the one black dude he just

sells you know he sells there he's always holding i buy but we got the he has crippy and hydro and

all that all the time oh yeah um you know because like i usually like i leave the money inside one

of the like the one of the dressers or he tells me ahead of time usually hello are you there oh man

this guy's conk saying that there's a guy named lysol who works here

his real name i don't think he put lysol on his uh name badge isis was the best name so far today

that one went to dirty air air just dropped to him and say look i gotta go he just

disappeared thank you for calling kmart this is deb how can i help you hi big deb how you doing

doing just fine thanks all right great big girl listen i was um i don't know was i just talking

to you about lysol lysol yeah it wasn't me okay yeah i don't know his real name his name we call

call him Lysol around here uh he's I he's a friend of ours that works there not a clue okay well he's

the black guy still no clue okay well anyway so we usually have we have a deal like we just let

him know we text him ahead of time and he says like he says yeah usually he'll say like he leaves

it in like one of the uh like one in a toaster oven or he puts it like inside a bicycle box or

he'll put it like inside a drawer in in the furniture section and we'll I'll I'll go usually

Usually I do it, I put the money in there, the cash,

and then I take the bag out and I take it with me, you know,

for the medicine, the medication.

I just, yeah.

Okay, this is very illegal what I'm doing.

This is not right, sir.

Exposite and vitamin, okay.

Can't be like the lights in the summer in the city.

In the summer in the city machine.

In the city, dressed so fine and looking so pretty.

Cool cat looking for a kitty.

Gonna look in every corner of the city.

Mattress.

Try to reconnect everyone who was around and such.

Hey.

Hey, Axel, is that you?

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, good for you.

Good for you.

All right.

It's good to have you.

Thanks for joining.

You're having a good day today, sir?

Yeah, it's all right.

Yo.

Hey, Recluse here.

What's up, Recluse?

What's going on?

We're calling about Lysol.

I know you're a big fan of Lysol.

Oh, hell yeah.

Hell yeah.

Big fan of Lysol.

You know, I still haven't heard that prank call.

Damn.

Oh, for real?

Yeah, I still haven't heard it.

Hey, let me play it.

Let me play it.

Is it?

Play it.

Is it hood rat shit?

Are you calling prank call at 911 again in this one?

No, no, no.

No, nothing like that.

That was funny.

Can you say that to me?

I'll play it.

I don't give a shit.

Play it.

Send it now, and I'll play that also.

I should have sent it through.

Send it on Facebook, because I'm going to go there now to get your current one here.

All right.

The latest one you sent.

Send it there.

Yeah, that's a very bad call.

Shame on you for doing that.

I don't condone it, but it was funny.

It's been long enough.

All right, so it's an 11-minute call, though.

Holy shit.

Yeah, there's parts of it that are skippable.

I'll play a little bit of it here.

All right, cool.

Hey, yes, sir. I think we got disconnected somehow.

Yeah, I'll call you about tomorrow, I guess y'all called up that morning about 3 o'clock.

What's the reason y'all called up that time of morning?

Well, actually, I believe from what I see in the notes, she had actually initiated a call to us asking for a security audit.

And at that point in time, a representative got in touch with her and said that he would be out there.

And that's when she started getting irate.

she started becoming incoherent

she started swearing

and making threats

and things of that nature

she is 78 years old

wait wait wait

is this really Aunt Jemima's son

this is the son of the real Aunt Jemima

no no I just nicknamed her

I thought you were saying that was Aunt Jemima

no no

I wish

is she a colored lady

yeah she's black

Yeah, yeah.

Is she a black?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, she was called later.

Yeah, she's 78 years old.

That's the one that's what we have in our notes.

Yeah, 3 o'clock in the morning.

I'm pretty sure she was counted out at that time of morning.

Did she take any type of medications, maybe?

Or was she possibly under the influence of any type of substance or alcohol?

But why did Tal call her?

Well, she had initiated a contact with us by asking for a security audit.

I mean, what kind of contact?

She contacted us via phone and left us a message saying that she wanted a security audit.

And so that's when our representative contacted her back.

No, she wouldn't have did nothing like that.

That's what I see in the notes.

It says that she sounds a lot like Aunt Jemima is what it says in my notes here.

No, she wasn't calling y'all for no security.

What kind of security?

A home security.

She have home security.

Well, apparently she's not satisfied with her current provider.

No, she wasn't calling y'all about the home security.

No, no, she don't know nothing about nothing like that.

If that's not going like that, how can you even do that?

That's why she consulted us.

She wasn't calling them about the home security.

And it says in the notes here that she contacted us

and she sounded like Aunt Jemima, is what it says here.

She sounded like Aunt Jemima.

Yes, sir.

That's what I see in the notes written by the other representative,

apparently the one that dealt with it.

No, no.

She wanted to contact somebody about no security.

Well, what I did, she said, somebody said,

they in a yard, they do yard work.

They do yard work.

Do she have any money?

Oh, wow.

Yeah, I don't see that in the notes at all.

I think, are you sure that she's telling the truth?

She sounded to be talking about it.

Yeah, well, what reason, what reason, what reason do you want to lie about that?

Well, I know, like, a lot of times, you know, colored people will not be the most truthful.

What do you mean, what do you mean colored people?

What color, what color are you?

Well, you know, like, you know what I mean.

Not like, you know, normal, not like normal regular people, but just, you know, it's different, it's all.

I, you know, just thought I'd ask.

What color are you?

I have white skin, beautiful white skin.

Say what?

White skin. I'm blessed to be white.

You're blessed to be white? Well, I am blessed to be colored.

Right, right. Exactly. You are definitely something. Yes.

Definitely something?

I need to talk to your supervisor.

I can give you actual information.

Where can I talk to your supervisor?

Hold on. Let me transfer you to Tiffany. She's actually our HR rep, and she would probably be better suited.

Would you like to be transferred to her? She's the one above me.

Yeah. What's your name, man?

My name is David.

David, let me talk to her.

Okay, one moment, please.

Uh, 20 seconds.

I should have edited it out.

Tiffany, the on-shift supervisor here.

If you are a college-grub resident and you have a maintenance emergency,

press 1.

Yeah, are you the supervisor?

I can't find another person.

Yes, sir, I certainly am.

Remain on the line.

Thank you, and have a great day.

There's a 1, I think.

Thank you for calling.

This is Allie.

Hi.

Hello.

Listen, you guys need to get the snow out of here.

What are you out there plowing?

Well, that's the problem, because I'm here.

I'm supposed to buy weed from Lysol, and I'm trying to get to his place,

but there's way too much snow for me to be able to get there.

Where do you live in?

I don't live there.

I'm visiting someone who lives there.

Okay.

All right, and I'm trying to buy marijuana from him,

but there's fucking way too much fucking snow.

You guys need to get the shit out of there, you know?

Really? Really?

That was terrible.

Terrible.

How the fuck is Charles Barkley going to do Saturday Night Live?

we got a book coming out or something it must be a book how many books is the dude gonna have i

thought he had two already he's gotta be running for no idea he's probably running for state

senator governor mayor or something he really wants to get into that shit i think he's a

republican wow that's ironic yeah well he's got money for what i understand michael jordan not

only is michael jordan really uh conservative he apparently hates fucking rap music he likes

um country he hates fucking the story goes there was a there was um a party in new york city or

chicago it was like either for like def jam or something like that and i'm trying to remember

i want to say it might have been jay-z that went up to him and asked if he could use him

in a in a rap song he wanted to put him in and he said fuck rap was what he said like really

loud said fuck rap like that was easy yeah yeah let me all right hang on let me see if i can find

i was like no no holy but then like yeah you know air jordan sneakers and stuff is a big part

of the whole hip-hop culture so yeah it's a staple of the hip-hop culture scene all right noriega so

i guess the dude that said that all right it's short it's a minute it's a minute 18. original

video had michael jordan in there wow jordan is a hater of hip-hop he only likes whole that's it

that's it that's the way it stops oh he only likes jay-z he only likes ho that's it i've seen him

shut red man down i seen him shut red man and a deaf jam christmas party we were all sitting there

waiting to speak to michael jordan and he said yo you red man and method man is here he said

fuck rap see the nigga say that i was like this is my fate i'm like i'm on the side of him

like look like look red man that's going viral somebody somebody

now now yeah fuck it quote me but i believe it was red man and method man

And I'm to the side

So I'm seeing

Like I could directly

Hear his voice

This wasn't

He was like

Fuck rap

I was like

That shit hurt me

At the Death Jam

Christmas party

My dude

Mariah Carey

Hosting and shit like that

He only spoke the whole

But he spoke the whole

He spoke the whole

That's without a doubt

Oh shit

So he likes Jay-Z

But he hates

All other rappers

He doesn't hate rappers

He just doesn't like rap

Makes it

He's from

I don't know

He's from North Carolina right

Yup

Or is that just where he'd go to college?

Where did he grow up?

He didn't grow up in Illinois.

He grew up in North Carolina?

Let me see.

I believe it was North Carolina.

For sure.

Because I know he went to college, I would say UNC.

Right.

Jordan.

Raised.

Let's see.

I know his kids lived in Orlando because they went to UCF.

Both of them played.

Oh, wow.

I didn't know that.

Yeah.

His two sons were playing at UCF.

They never, they didn't really, I never got to see him play while I lived there.

He was born in Brooklyn.

I remember seeing one of his sons play at UCF.

i think he got kicked out or he quit or something uh he was born in brooklyn but he was raised in

north carolina looks like that's where he went to high school so there you go anyway probably

moved at a very young age then all right anyway let's continue on here with the show do a few

more calls and get out of here axel would you like to call about snow removal i also have k-marts i

also have i may have some indian businesses may pick up still if we're quick expo would you like

to do a call expo carlito is calling you the carlito is calling you how rude must be a way

You want to do a Kmart there, Reclude?

Sure, I'm down.

Okay, here you go.

This one's going out of business.

It's on the list.

Thank you for choosing OPS Kmart.

How may I help you?

How's the bathroom scene looking today?

Good, why?

Well, I mean, you know, I just, I don't want to go down there.

It was, I went over there the other day and I kind of felt like a fool just, you know,

sitting in there twiddling my thumbs, waiting for something to, you know, come, come through.

I was in there by myself for a few hours and felt kind of silly.

I just didn't want to have that happen again.

You know what I mean?

I mean, can you maybe check for me if there's, you know, much action going on in the men's room?

I think that's a problem there.

That was in Georgia.

Your voice is perfect for that.

Oh, nice.

Calling for Chef Kmart.

How may I help you?

Yeah, hi.

You guys closing?

April 8th.

Why?

I don't know.

Shit.

Why?

What did you guys not do?

Like, were the sales too low here?

I have no idea.

They're just shutting us down.

Oh, is the air conditioner still working?

Yes.

Okay, can I get the Freon out of it?

I don't know.

Like, what are you guys going to do with the Freon?

I want to know, like, so you close the A cell on the 9th, there'll be no activity there at all?

Like, no customers or nothing?

Nope, that'll be the last day for the customers.

So that's when I can go in and use the air conditioner?

I can tap into the air conditioner?

Where are they?

The air conditioning units are on the roof, right?

They are.

All right, and is there a ladder on the side, like a...

Nope.

How do you get up there?

Through in the building.

Okay, so I just got to go through the building.

All right, I'll find a way in.

Are you guys going to maybe leave a door open for me?

on your way out?

I seriously doubt that.

Well, why?

I mean, you're not going to work there.

Why do you care?

I will be working there.

Why?

Just because the store closed

doesn't mean we're going to leave that day.

Well, when are you going to leave?

I don't know.

Well, after that,

then that's when I want to come.

I want to just get the Freon

because I like to inhale the Freon.

It makes me get lightheaded.

Not like they're using it.

It's winter right now.

I know, right?

Pretty bastard.

I don't know about that.

They put the Freon in the line.

R14.

What kind of Freon?

You got that RJ-14 there?

All right.

I'm calling Kmart's Expo if you want to do one.

You let me know.

If not, sit there and be pretty.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'll take care of something.

Okay, fine.

This is Albany, Georgia.

Albany, gah.

You're a big fan.

Calling Kmart.

May I help you?

Hi, honey.

How are you?

I'm good.

Oh, that's good.

Hey, how do you fanny feel?

Let me put my grandma on.

Hello.

Who's that?

This is Kmart.

Can I help you?

This is Rose at Kmart. How can I help you?

Yes, I need to find diapers.

Lots of diapers for my family.

You see the diapers there?

Hello?

Yes, dear, do you have diapers?

Here they are.

I'm on continent.

I have suffocated my pants again.

Only depends.

Oh, um, I don't think we still have any.

We sold, I think we sold just about all of them out.

Are you wearing me the pants, dear?

Oh, God.

We sold just about all that out.

I've got a problem in here, dear.

I've got a problem.

I've been defecating all day.

I can't leave my house.

You might have to try somewhere else, because I think we sold all those out.

God, oh, yeah.

This crazy old lady just starts pissing on the boat.

Oh, shit.

Oh, that was good.

She actually put us on hold.

i'll call another one while that one holds your call cannot be completed please check the number

and dial again you can't dial number uh letters crowby though you have to dial numbers yeah hi

this is a kmart that's going out of business uh okay i'm sorry i hope you find a job okay all

right so uh when's the last day there april 8th april april 1st april fools right oh okay all right

All right.

And what's going to happen with the bathroom?

The bathroom?

Yeah.

I have no idea.

You probably have to talk to our store manager about all that.

Okay.

You have any idea?

Are they planning on keeping it?

I'm a big fan of pissing, urinating, toilets, stuff like that.

I wanted to see maybe if I could buy the fixtures in there.

I don't know.

You'll have to talk to our store manager, man.

All right.

Ma'am?

I said man.

Oh, man.

Okay.

All right.

Cool.

What about the women's room there?

Are there holes?

Do people drill holes in the women's room also?

No, they don't.

But just the men's room?

I really don't know.

I have a customer, so I like...

Oh, I can talk to them if you want.

Okay, all right.

I'm going to stop peeing now, okay?

I'm going to stop peeing.

All right, I'm done peeing.

I'm going to put you on hold.

She's cracking the fuck up.

She's super enjoying that.

She's like crying.

Just crack it up in front of the customer

and explaining to the customer.

Are we still on hold with the other one?

Yeah, the other one.

Jesus.

So I think this is Kmart's final death spiral here.

They don't recover after this round of closing.

They won't be able to stay still.

Kmart's good. I'm going to help you.

Yeah, hi.

I understand you guys are closing there?

We are, yep.

Okay, I'm sorry to hear that.

I hope you find a new job.

Oh, thank you.

Maybe at a better place this time, right?

There you go.

I think it's a pretty good place for me.

Not for long, though, right?

I guess, yep.

Okay.

All right, what's going to happen with the bathrooms?

Uh, what do you mean?

Well, like, there's a group of us that meets there on a regular basis.

Do you know what the plan is for us to relocate or whatever?

For the bathrooms?

Mm-hmm.

What do you mean you locate in the bathrooms?

Well, to relocate our group.

There's a group of us men that hang out in the bathrooms every day around the same time.

Uh, the bathrooms are going to be sold to the owner to the building.

Okay, do you think, are they going to give access to us to come in still?

I don't think so.

And hook up?

Okay, um.

Jaden, can you check real quick?

You're going to check for me?

Uh, no, I was talking to a cashier.

Okay, so, um, I don't know, what do you think, have you heard, has there been information as to where...

Well, the bathrooms are most likely going to the person that gets the building, I mean, I don't know why you're asking me that question.

Well, I mean, do you think the group is going to relocate to another store somewhere?

I just got a question, are you, like, trying to waste my time, or...

No, no, I'm, I'm...

Well, I meet there on a regular basis with some of the guys, and I'm a regular there, I just...

Do you want me to transfer you to my manager?

Yeah, sure. Hurry up, though, okay?

Because you're kind of wasting my time.

I like that I'm peeing while I'm doing this.

Nice. That was a very good report.

All right.

The gentleman did not sound amused at all.

So they don't have pharmacies at the Kmart's anymore.

They don't do any kind of car repair or anything like that.

They don't carry the pens anymore.

Apparently not, yeah.

Patrick, can I help you?

Who's Patrick? Is this the store manager?

This is the store manager.

All right, good.

So I'm a regular there at your store,

and I was wondering if you had any information

as to where the group is going to be relocating

now? Uh, what group?

Just us guys that meet there in the bathrooms

on a regular basis.

Really? Yeah.

That's what you got? No, no, really.

Has there been any information?

None whatsoever. Do you have any idea?

Will there be access still for us?

A lot of pissing today. A lot of pissing.

A lot of getting snow out of here, too.

That goddamn snow. Well, it's turned

to slush and ice here, so.

Nice. Uh, I think it's just

It's raining now here.

It's going to freeze tonight.

Hard freeze.

Yeah.

We already took care of our driveway.

We salted it.

Put down little acorns for the squirrels.

We locked the homer out there.

We made a big mound for a homer, and he jumped in.

He was like, yeah.

He was all excited.

He's so stupid.

He disappears in the whole mound.

He was having so much fun.

Then he was eating snow, and I had to stop him.

Yeah.

He's kind of retarded.

Thank you for calling Urbandale Kmart.

This is Deb.

How may I help you?

Yes, it is my Urbandale Kmart, isn't it?

All right.

All right, so do you have any information on where the guys are going to be meeting at after the store closes?

I do not.

I think the store manager is here tomorrow.

She may know the answer to that.

Okay.

Who's in charge of the club that meets there and the bathroom glory hole?

She's in charge of what?

The bathroom glory hole.

The person in charge of the back room.

Bathroom, bathroom, the bathroom.

Bathroom.

Yeah.

I don't know who's in charge of the bathroom.

there's a group of us that meets there you know like on lunch or after work we kind of go there

and we tap our feet you know so that's the sign you know the sign yeah yeah like the leader of

the group he told me that there's a he said it's okay to go that there's an understanding between

the store manager and the staff and and us and we can do whatever you want as long as there's no

regular customers or children in the bathroom i don't know anything about that okay do the girl

Because we understood there was a female group here, too, that did that.

I don't know anything about that, either.

You don't know about female cruising in the bathroom?

Yeah, I know what it is, yeah.

Okay, well, apparently that happens here, too.

There's a guy group and a girl, the female version.

We're in the Glory Hole Foundation, and they're the Women's Glory Hole Foundation, WGHF.

We're the GHF.

I went to the forum, to the website and the forums and all that,

but they haven't been updated in three years.

Well, this store is closing, so.

Well, yeah, I know.

That's just what I'm saying.

We need to find a place.

I need to find out where the group's moving.

Are they going to move to the Walmarts or the Target?

I have no idea.

Can you ask one of the guys there?

I don't know of any employees that know anything about that.

Okay.

Can you ask, though?

Can you ask a guy?

Do you have an effeminate man there that might know?

I know there's at least three guys that work there that hang out with us there.

Make any assumptions about any of the other employees?

It's all right.

Go ahead.

Just put one of them on.

Or just ask them.

Just ask them.

Just ask, hey, do you know about tapping the toe in the bathroom?

And if they say yes, then it's okay.

Okay.

And now I'm invested.

Now I've got to see if she actually does this.

No love, but your love.

Excuse me.

Yeah, that's where I got it from, Max, with the toe tapping.

Yeah, they don't know.

They don't know?

Okay.

Well, thanks for asking them, though, okay?

Is that the gay guy that's there?

I don't know if the gay guy is here right now.

Can you pass on my number to the guy you asked for?

He's probably a gay, right?

got i have a pen i got appendicitis i gotta go all right okay all right i gotta get

that taken care of but only themselves how about one last call one last call all right compatible

mates leo sagittarius they love a challenge very artistically inclined swami manjiti manjichi what

the hell is swami manjichi oh astrologer readings all right cool and lovers world famous astrologer

palmist and spiritual healer it's a love life because we are so creative well i hope everyone's

enjoyed the show please be sure to go to madhouse live.com subscribe to the show in its various

forums including shoutcast and podcast links follow madhouse on twitter at madhouse on twitter

madhouse.live on facebook hello hello hello is that swami manjit ji okay good uh i was wondering

I don't know if you could do healing.

I have appendicitis.

You have what is a sickness?

Appendicitis.

Actually, these kind of medical problems,

I advise my clients to go to doctors for sickness treatment.

No, they're bad.

The doctor's bad.

You help.

You help me.

Come touch me.

Touch me and take it away.

No, I'm sorry.

It's the devil.

The devil is inside of me.

That's why I have it.

You can fix me.

No, no.

If it is the devil, I can definitely help you.

Okay, help me.

I have the devil in me.

you hear him he keeps i keep talking sometimes the devil takes over me and starts talking

see

see they just think that the the devil starts talking through me

i will kill him see he's saying he's gonna take me

God, I will kill him.

You there?

Swamiji.

I'm a little high.

All right, I got a different astrologer.

I don't know why I didn't think about that until the last minute.

Just saying.

The devil keeps possessing me.

That's a good idea.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

Is this an astrology reader and spiritual healer?

Yes, I'm just an astrology reader, yes.

Okay, well, I need help.

I think I have the devil in me.

No, I rebuke that.

I doubt that.

Well, can you help me, though?

is there something you can do to help me

speak to something or get some type of

focus

you need to go to church

you need to learn about

the Lord and you need

to be directed to

my strong suggestion to you

you need church

he takes over me

this soul is mine

you hear that? I black out

and they say that I say very satanic

things

i am the dark lord i rebuke and bind it in jesus name you know what you cannot stop me

i have control of his soul oh again christian astrologist doesn't make any sense oh she hung

up ah let's see if there's any more swamis in here all your problems can be solved now

peer amjad shah bukhari award winner astrologer of pakistan and india will take care of your

problems business children unfaithful spouses love issues matchmaking for children matchmaking

for children oh man does they they do arranged marriages uh immigration black magic undone etc

okay let's call them we need some additional black magic it's an international number i think

yeah it is oh shit oh the elements of black let's see if i can figure it out

I don't think I'll be able to figure it out.

Your call cannot be completed as dialed.

Please check the number and dial again.

So, okay, so this is Pakistan.

Pakistan, Guru Jawada.

So, I'll need like a country code for Pakistan and shit.

Hang on, let's see.

Or I could just look to see if there's another one in here.

That always helps.

Am I at the last page?

No.

I don't think there's any more of them.

Shit.

This is not that one.

This is a different one.

Hello?

I'm sorry, I can't help you.

Please, the devil comes out on me sometimes.

I have his soul.

You see? Help me. Please, I need help. I give you all the money.

No, no, I'm not after money.

I will kill him if you do not stop me.

See? He's talking. The devil's talking to me.

He takes control of...

I know it's talking, but it's a serious problem. I'm sorry, I can't help you.

This one is mine.

See? He just said, this one is mine.

He is mine.

he wants to rape me he says you have to go to hospital i'm going to sodomize him

oh please help please if i wake up and there's like i've i wake up and there's like pens and

pencils inside my rectum i don't know how they got there all right i really would i really i

gotta look into these swamis and stuff like spiritual healers i'm gonna start calling it

with wacky shit that's one of the ones i know how those pens got there yeah i because that

That's Jim Stewart.

That was Jim Stewart's prank to the sleep doctor.

Mattress store.

He said, I need to speak to one of the sleep doctors.

Like, okay.

Like, yeah, I keep waking up with pens and markers and pens in my asshole.

I don't know what could be causing this.

Oh, God.

Ooh, a white horse for sale.

Oh, I got to try that.

That's here in the States.

I can do that.

Harry Farrell is the strongest pilot in the solar system.

All right, this will be the last one.

Conquer the Unconquerable.

Mac Meepone, Chair Caitlin speaking.

How can I help you?

Yeah, you have a white horse?

I'm sorry, are you looking for something specific?

Yeah, for the white horse.

Okay, for what type of event?

Okay, so the Son of God is coming back, is coming down,

and I'm supposed to provide him with a white horse, a pale horse that he needs to ride.

If a white horse is available, I can give you the website to submit an inquiry form.

okay all right but i just want to i mean what's your return policy because i'm pretty sure after

after the messiah returns and he's going to use his white horse i don't think you're going to be

getting him back i'm sorry we do have a very strict return policy on our horses but what if

what if the apocalypse happens i can't guarantee that you'll get him back if you know because i

mean the next line after that what it says is that and the name it said across him was death

and hell followed with him so i'm pretty sure that means that there's going to be like a big

battle at that point um i don't know exactly how to appropriately respond to these questions

do you have a spiritual advisor there or something that maybe might be able to explain it to you a

little better um unfortunately okay how many white horses do you have quite a few okay do you have

any i need four additional horses too i have four horsemen that will need them no okay i don't think

think she believes me whoa man this is serious sorry uh what is it that you need i need a pale

horse a pale white horse the son of god is coming down the messiah he's going to ride the white

horse oh yeah when the son of god gets here you call us well he's on his way he he already

contacted me and he told me that this is my i'm destined to i have to put the deposit down and all

that for him because he can't okay we have a couple horses so if you really we have a couple

but you're just gonna have to come in and decide if you think there's one suitable for the messiah

and if it's the one suitable well it has to be like a good one i mean they're all beautiful

you know maybe you if you're destined to choose the horse and maybe and decide on one okay so

yeah you're welcome to come in and have a look at the white horses and if you think there's

unsuitable then you can certainly deposit to borrow him for as long as you need okay i mean

mean i don't think you're going to be getting him back after that like i said what i've interpreted

from this book is that at the that's like the beginning of like this big battle and at that

point i mean you know it's kind of like do i really need to go through the whole deposit thing

and all that all right then we would love to have our horse well i know you have to have faith that

it's the messiah well i'm just not very good at the whole faith thing so but but you we gotta go

No, we gotta go, asshole. Okay, motherfucker?

Okay. Thank you.

Get the fuck off my phone, you fucking bitch.

Bye. Jesus Christ.

Alright, just have too much fun, and this is not

a having fun show, okay?

I want to thank AXPA,

Reclude, and Dirty Aaron for joining me.

Gentlemen, thank you. Take a bow.

Thank you.

Alright, you guys are out of here. On your asses.

As I said, they're out of here.

I don't know when I'll be back. Look for three,

I guess, hopefully two by tonight.

night podcast episodes to be updated along with dom the bombs who also was on thank you to him

dom the bombs new intro we played earlier you'll be hearing that from now on at the beginning of

the podcast great thank you finally get to update that um so yeah definitely at least two by tonight

and hopefully in the next 24 hours this will be updated as well and i got some exclusive stuff

for patreon that i've already recorded during the day yesterday i'm gonna upload those there

Those are going to be fun, fun, fun, fun, okay?

Okay.

All right, I'll catch you next time.

See you later.

MadhouseLive.com.

The noise of thunder.

One of the four beasts saying, come and see.

And I saw, and behold, a white horse.

There's a man going around taking names.

Calls (42, 2 h of 2 h 43 min)

Transcript

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