The President’s Day Massacre

I can't give you any more information.

Everything that I've been told is that this is fake news.

Oh, my God, I'm hyperventilating.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

Irritable bowel syndrome?

Excuse me?

At this point, I mean, I could tell you right now just by that question,

just by saying dirty Mexicans.

No, I don't remember that at all.

I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live.

I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito.

That's my big amigo.

So just kick back to listen to this cat call people

When this show goes live, I be like, damn, this shit's bitchin'

Stop whatever I'm doin' to tune in and listen

You can catch me in the back of his home at Horse Machine Ranch Road

I'm bustin' mad fat flows for assholes and banchos

Must be crazy, shout out to Big Amy, that's nice, honey, baby

We kissin' pussies, so ladies, touch your labia

It's crazy how the stuff that my bruh might say to ya

Face it, cause it's the number one prank cast

Stay back if you can't handle all the straight laughs

That we hand to your dome

And if you want

Call the number

You can listen to this show

On the go

Big up to the man

In the madhouse

To show love

Just stick your

Motherfucking hands up

Some come close

But they can't get it right

Let the king do his thing

It's time for Madhouse Live

Big up to the man

In the madhouse

To show love

Just stick your

Motherfucking hands up

It's hot

I ain't in right now

But I

See all the flaws

And problems

And different

And tripping

You know what I'm saying

I'm a house man

Thank you for calling

How can I help you

Oh hey

How you doing honey

Fine how are you today

I just

I have a list

I'm making a list

I'm making notes

Okay

This Kmart

Is this one of the ones

That's going to be closing

I'm not 100% sure

Oh you don't know

If you have a job or not

Oh my goodness

Oh this must be

Okay I'm going to let you go

No I'm trying to help

Oh man

Oh ma

Come on ma

Come on

Just a minute

I just remembered

A special idea I have

Hi everybody

buddy it's Carlito I'm the host of Madhouse Radio Machine Carlito the greatest prank caller alive

the inventor of using machine the inventor of the lunk alarm prank to Planet Fitness I am the guy

right here thank you invented this applause I invented using sound effects during your shows

to make it sound like there's a studio audience invented prank calling the UK at all hours of

the morning and wake them up and piss them off and I invented having background music tracks to

your shows I invented the prank call podcast none of these are lies no I did not invent the

The Prank Call Show, that honor goes to Mr. KDK, who's celebrating honestly, guys.

He's celebrating a birthday today.

We still don't know where KDK is.

We're still searching for KDK.

If you have any information that can lead to the successful rescue operation of Mr. David Corrin, KDK of Danbury, Connecticut,

please send an email to madhouseradio at gmail.com.

Put KDK search in the subject line of your email, and I'll have one of our Prank Call Detectives follow up on your lead

and see if we can locate him and make sure he's okay.

KDK's been missing for approximately several months now.

We didn't notice until like three months ago,

but we're like, wait a minute, where is that fucking KDK?

I haven't heard from him for a while, and now things are, I don't know.

Dwight McClanahan making a great recovery.

For those of you who are concerned, he's doing great.

He's doing speech therapy, and he's walking.

He's using those, you know how they get up one bar on one side of you

and one on the other, and you walk like you're a gymnastics guy?

guy he's doing that he's really good he's really good saw a video of him and do it matt hillock is

coaching him too on skype it's great matt's been there before yeah matt hillock he's here for

walking matt the walk hillock been getting around much better lately it's all here for him he's down

170 something pounds motherfucker him who does he think he is you can't call him big boy anymore

he's not fat man you know okay uh anyway my idea best i just get into it but i had to do a quick

it happen. If you give me just a moment, listen to

the nice tune.

We got prank call numbers to do here

from Big Park Man. It is President's

Day Machine of 2018.

That's Monday, February

19th. Very self-conscious about saying

February. Almost there, guys. Almost

there. I can do this. I can operate

with three hours of sleep.

Yay!

Thank you for calling your Wendixy store

located at 5-2

in Jacksonville. Store hours are

from 7 a.m. to 10 a.m.

I can do this.

Watch this.

Let's see what the option is.

Who knows what zero did.

Press zero to just ring to teach you a lesson to listen to the options.

I love how they make you listen to the options now.

Like they disable zero to make you listen.

That's like being told to walk when you're at school.

Hello?

for calling Dixie.

How can I help you?

Yeah, listen, first of all,

I was down there shopping

and someone told me to walk

because I was running.

What's up with that?

I'm not a five-year-old, okay?

I don't need people

to tell me walk, all right?

I don't know who you people

think you are.

Okay, have a good one.

Well, listen, hey,

I have...

Sorry, well,

that wasn't the idea,

but that kind of was the idea.

When Dixies are on the verge

of bankruptcy,

the street beat is that

they're going to announce

it sometime today.

So I'm calling

in the Winn-Dixie's right now.

This is the main,

this is the hometown city of the corporation.

This is where they're headquartered at,

Jacksonville FLA.

That's how you say it, FLA.

So, trying to see if they know.

I'm going to spill the beans.

The Winn-Dixie brand generic beans.

The Goya beans.

Hello, Winn-Dixie. I may help you.

Hey, how you doing?

Winn-Dixie, hello, Winn-Dixie.

Hey, did you hear what's happening?

Did you hear the breaking news about the store?

yeah did you hear what's happening to the store it's closing yeah it just got announced you didn't

hear windexy and bilo or our cleveland bankruptcy and this store here is on the list of stores that

are going to go out of business next week they're closing their doors on friday next friday my name

is cross did you want to speak to a manager or anything uh yeah sure sure hello did you hang up

or hello your phone's messed up i don't know what's going on i'm gonna try to call back

I'm in psych panic.

Oh, my God, we're going to the store.

Because now she's going to look it up on her phone and see all the articles about the rumors at Bank Receipts today,

and she's going to freak out.

She's going to believe it.

She's going to look it up right now on her Snapchat phone.

Thank you for calling.

Thank you for calling Winn-Dixie.

May I help you?

Yeah, hi.

Listen, seriously, this store's closing.

You were supposed to put me through to the manager?

Correct.

You hung up on your side.

No, no, I heard lots of clicking, like you had a bad cable, like the, you know,

know the phone cable that connects to the handset sounded like it was like wonky i think what

happened is it came out and you're trying to cover it's cool if it came out like it's all right did

it come out tell me the truth the cable came out right somewhere no uh i think it did all right go

ahead and transfer you just don't know how to transfer is there a man who knows how to hit the

transfer buttons yes okay maybe they can transfer me to the how long is it going to be to wait too

are you guys busy no it's not going to be that long all right well let's go honey thank you for

We're calling with Dixie Marks.

Speaking to help you.

Yeah, hey, it's Cross.

I'm calling because, I mean, what's the plan with the store?

We're on the list, the stores that are closing.

Well, you know about the bankruptcy, right?

I haven't heard anything official.

Well, it's official.

It's online now.

The list leaked, the PDF leaked with the list of stores, and the store's on it.

My name's Cross.

I have no idea who you are.

It says the 1st, Thursday the 1st, next week, is going to be the last day of operations, it says.

I have no idea what you're saying.

I want to call our corporate office, and maybe they can give you more information.

Well, you might want to check it out because you're out of a job.

You know what I mean?

Okay.

I'm trying to help you out.

I have no idea who you are.

Well, how have sales been here?

How have the sales been here?

It's been great.

Well, what's the back stock like right now?

I mean, you guys, is it pretty full?

What does that have to do with anything?

Because that tells me whether or not you're moving product or not.

You need to call our corporate office if you need more information.

How's shrink been?

How's shrink been going?

It's been great.

Are you sure?

what's the shrink percentage right now exactly exactly la la la everything's fine he's inside

he's like oh my god my shit they're gonna take my shit uh get another one here just taking care

of something real quick if you afford me the opportunity i had music selected that music

i've played before a few years ago uh it's a wu-tang beatles mashup album it's really good

uh the same guy made a separate um wu-tan jimi hendrix that i played last so last summer that

was pretty good it was a little too um noisy though for to play on a regular basis on the show

um well yeah okay all right i don't know why i went into that but there you go i went into it

and uh i'm pretty sure i didn't play this on the last show if i did my bad i think i just didn't

get to it on the list blah blah blah anyway back to the show back to more wendixies and like i said

we have numbers from parkman also to get to uh before i do that actually let me take care of

business uh madhouse live.com is the website for the show you can also subscribe to the podcast

there uh while you're there also be sure to make a note of the phone number that's posted that's

That's the 605-475-0097.

That's where you can call and tune in to the show live right now

and also hear recorded archives of the show playing 24-7, 365.

That's the Shoutcast link.

You can also use TuneIn on your Amazon Alexa-enabled device

or on any of your mobile devices.

That's the TuneIn radio app.

You can listen to Madhouse Radio prank calls on there.

Our podcast is on there, too.

605-475-0097 to listen to the show on the go if you don't have an Internet connection,

but you do have access to a phone line, such as work or something like that.

I recommend it.

There's one guy I was talking to.

He says he works at a hotel, and late at night, he doesn't have Internet access where he's doing paperwork stuff,

but he does have a phone line and he just calls and puts it on speakerphone and works and listens

to the show for a couple hours like yeah that's pretty cool man you see helping the people and

stuff like that is brought to you by patreon supporters thank you all the uh horses and

machines that are there no no no we don't have horses and machines what are our levels horses

right horse is the upgraded level militia i'm sorry militia and horses there is going to be

a machine level which supersedes horse but that's still in the early stages of what the reward is

going to be for that so it's going to be real exciting so look out for that machine status

so it squeers more blood out of you little turnips you patreon.com slash madhouse to support

the show one dollar donation gives you militia status so you get dropbox access um that means

that this show in particular if you would have missed it if you weren't able to catch it live

it would be available for you in high bit uh bit quality um unedited as soon as the show's over

it uploads to that Dropbox folder that you get

access to. You can also

do a minimum $5 horse

donation, become a horse, and you get access to the

Discord server where honestly nothing happens,

but it's just something I can do.

Maybe later on it'll become more used,

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And I make a note of who does early

access. And you get

special privileges. You get pornography

sent to you. If you're on

Twitter, follow me, Madhouse on Twitter.

That's at Madhouse on Twitter.

Madhouse.live on Facebook.

i think that's enough for right now i've said enough look at about another couple hours or

show right now just to let you know give you a heads up what time is it now almost 12

well maybe like two and a half two and a quarter to be honest about two and a quarter more hours

of show there'll be a break in there about a 10 minute break in the middle and giving you a heads

up of what to expect the number you have dialed is not in yeah because i didn't enter one uh i

think the numbers that came in for parkman include jobs and stuff like that those are always fun to

to do for calling your wind dixie store can i went dixie this is jade speaking on me i helped

you hey how you doing hey it's bill hey it's my day off but um did you see what happened with the

this our store's closing yeah yeah i work at the butcher block but i'm off today but

it hit the news just now and there's a pdf with the list of stores and it says on march 1st which

is like next thursday bro yeah uh bill i work back in the butcher block here the store in

fort caroline road yeah it sucks man like i don't know like dude i don't know did you did they

announce anything yeah i don't know but eight seven five nope shit can you transfer to the

butcher block i want to let the guys back there know about it all right thanks he's busy and he

just got now he's gonna tell all his little girlfriends up front charlotte oh my god this

guy that works in the butcher block just called one of the meat guys and he said that closing

yeah holy shit and someone else like what what happened aiden got a call aiden got a call from

from corporate and they said that they're closing the store on the first a call from corporate and

they said what that they're closing on the first yeah oh my god and then i started sprinting out

from that's how it starts guys that's how it starts that's how we bring down win dixie from

the core that's how we slay this beast hey how you doing hey it's bill over here i'm in the pharmacy

yeah the pharmacy yeah i'm off today but i usually work the pharmacy hey um i don't know if you saw

we don't have oh i must be calling from a different store the different store this isn't

work this isn't for caroline road uh we're on we're on the list oh your store's on the list

of uh stores that are closing yeah like the bankruptcy uh bilo wendixy bankruptcy's get

just got announced the stock is dropping they're showing it right now on msnbc yeah um yeah the

stock took a big hit and it's closing on the first which is next thursday i guess we're on the list

There's 215 stores are closing.

Is that one of them?

Yeah, 6060.

6060.

606010, Fort Caroline Road.

My name's Cross.

Yeah.

One second, Cross.

Okay.

I was hoping he wouldn't put me on hold.

I'm fucked up because I said I was Bill.

Then I went to Cross.

I'm supposed to do that.

You have to stick to it.

Guys are learning to prank call.

You have to stick to the same name.

I'll call another one.

In the meantime, maybe this one will come back.

I'll keep him on the hold.

You know how I do.

We're calling with Dixie.

This is Hannah.

Hannah, how can I help you?

Hey, Hannah.

It's Bill from the Butcher Block.

Hey, so I guess our store's closing, huh?

Did you hear?

I heard on the internet.

Yeah, we're one of the 215 on the 1st, which is next Thursday.

What'd you say?

We're one of the 215 that are closing on the 1st, next Thursday.

A week from Thursday, we're going to be closing our doors.

End of business.

Yeah.

I don't know what I'm going to do, you know?

I've got a baby.

I've got to buy diapers and stuff.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

i've been i've been getting formula from here like i got a deal where i take them out of the box and

i throw them out i put them in garbage bags and i throw them out in the dumpster and then i pick

them up at the end of my shift so that's that's gone because like i've been doing that and then

just selling the wick my wick checks but yeah yeah shit i don't know what do you got anything

planned hold on just one sec okay this is lisa oh my god lisa they were one of the stores that's

closing sorry to hear that um i mean i don't know what i'm gonna do um do you want to talk to a

store manager because we have no information at our level you didn't know about this really tell

me the truth because i can't give you any more information i just put a lease everything that

i've been told is that this is fake news and i don't know anything above and beyond that i just

got look at the pdf is out we're on the list of stores there's 215 closing on on march the first

thursday march the first i i'm dealing with customers i i well i'm dealing i got a baby i

And I just signed a lease on a used car last week.

And now, I mean, you guys, did anyone here know?

Yeah, that's messed up, man.

Because I got...

Do you want to speak with the manager?

Because I can't sit and...

Yeah, hurry up.

How long is this going to take?

It's fake news.

People throw around fake news all the time now, man.

It's the President's Day Massacre at Winn-Dixie.

At Winn-Dixie, we pride ourselves on being local.

We know how to...

Not anymore.

...with the best flavors and at just the right time of year.

That's why, whenever possible, we source produce from local farms and orchards.

We partner with local families.

Good morning, this is Jeannie. How can I help you?

Jeannie, this store is going to be one of the ones that's closing. It's on the PDF.

I'm sorry?

One of the stores that's closing. There's 215 stores closing on March the 1st, Thursday.

My name is Cross.

This is crossed?

Yeah.

Okay.

This store is one of the ones that's on the PDF for the state of Florida.

That's going to be closing.

I guess that's next Thursday.

I'm not sure where you're getting this information from.

Well, it's being widely searched.

MSNBC, CNBC rather, is reporting it.

The stock is going down.

They say it's official.

It says right now.

Are you a customer?

No, I'm with Winn-Dixie Forums, the Winn-Dixie blog, the employee blog.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay. What is your last name?

Just Cross. Cross. I go by Cross.

I mean, I work for Winn-Dixie, but I can't.

Like, I don't like, I'm kind of like anonymous.

Okay.

Yeah.

So you work for Winn-Dixie, and you're anonymous,

and you're telling me you're on a Winn-Dixie forum blog

and telling me that my store is closing on the 15th?

Yeah. The PDF is circulating.

It was just released.

It was sent down an email to the corporate, I guess,

to one of the vendors, the corporate partners, Fresh Express.

Okay.

Okay, so it was sent to Fresh Express, I guess, because they do a lot of salad.

So it was kind of like a heads-up thing, and yeah, it got out that way.

Okay, we're aware of the wrong information, and my store actually is not closing.

You had the right information? What?

I'm not sure. Why don't you get one for the call?

What do you know?

Okay, thank you.

What are you keeping?

She knows.

I like how you don't even argue that anymore.

Like, there was a while ago, like, no, there's no such thing.

Now it's like, yeah, there probably is an employee, Winn-Dixie, bitching about work for him.

WinnDixieSucks.com or some shit.

Are you individually millionaires yet?

All right, let's do some Parkman, and maybe we'll revisit the death of Winn-Dixie.

No, the announcement hasn't been made.

It's just a rumor that it's going to happen this week.

but that's what they're like no it's fake news that's what they're hearing from the management

it's fake news well the market doesn't lie streets don't lie everybody and i believe the street we

got a job here for a maintenance tech okay thank you parkman

hi hi i see you have a uh a job here for a maintenance tech yes i do well i'm calling on

behalf of Scott he's a deaf maintenance tech and I'm going to be translating for

him unless you have a video you have a video phone there I don't think you have

TDD video phone probably not I I don't okay that's what I'm here for I'm

employed by the state of Texas to facilitate as translator and he's on a

video conference with me okay do you understand okay okay and I will go ahead

and sign I said I'm sorry you said your name was what my name is Rocio okay hang

Hang on. Okay. He's saying, hi, my name is Scott. I am an experienced maintenance tech

and I am interested in applying. Go ahead. Hi, Scott. Nice to meet you. We are really happy

that you're interested in this job. Can you please tell me or give me... Hang on. Okay. Go

ahead. Can you please give me a little bit of your previous experience? Okay. Let's see here.

He says flush it again.

Flush it again.

Go ahead.

What does that mean?

Okay, he's saying flush the toilet again.

Someone left a shit in the toilet.

You need to flush the toilet.

Go ahead.

I don't understand that.

Is that his experience?

Flushing toilet?

Okay,

saying he

has to take a shit in the toilet I have to defecate in the toilet you flush the

toilet when you're done go ahead I have a big dick I have a big dick I have a

a circumcised penis go ahead uh to stop this call that is not applicable for the job position

and that's not what i'm looking for fuck you bitch fuck you fuck you fuck go ahead um i'm

ending the call and thank you so much for everything i don't know he disconnected the

call okay all right thank you have a good day is this i'm trying to make it sound like i'm signing

by hitting I don't know why I would be hitting that I guess kind of works if I

was doing it with a headset on I kept bumping it with my hand gestures this is

the whole thing I could just insult people be really nice about it the whole

time great idea part is here for Parkman everybody your patreon dollars at work

Parkman idea I did a show about sound language what was in the show but it was

a prank where I kept saying I was doing sign language on the phone so this is

kind of an old idea I wonder that's where Parkman got from let's see if I

can find that i know it was an episode i don't know about the see madhouse sign sign language

on the phone that's the episode sign language on the phone four minutes 37 seconds okay but i really

like this song so it's gonna play at the end of the song uh i dropped something let me look for

that let's listen to this song and uh we'll play that prank i'll be right back i need a quick

second i found it listen to that listen to that i haven't heard this in years i just remember the

the sign language on the phone see this any good if you did nothing wrong then what do you what

are you worried about because you my husband is nearly deaf he will not hear you on the phone

that's why oh you you need to get the right number can you do sign language pardon i can do sign

language on the phone for him oh well how can you do so he wouldn't understand that yes he can

listen listen see pardon did you understand what i said no i'll try again hang on there i was

sign languaging on the phone well no i'm sorry i don't know what you talk what you mean no no no

your husband's deaf you said but i know sign language he's not i said he's not deaf but he

doesn't have everyone on the phone he's hearing impaired sorry he's hearing impaired he's 75

years old okay so i'm gonna do sign language on the phone listen look i'm not listening to you

any longer i'm doing it right now you're ignoring me okay good that was fun if you say so that

That wasn't worth it at all.

Worth the wait at all, motherfucker.

I'm fucking sorry.

Hello, princess.

Told me she settled down inside six.

Still an attitude.

Hey, Wendy.

Hello, this is Brian.

Hey, Brian.

My name is Cross.

Hi, Cross.

Good to meet you.

Nice to meet you, rather.

I'm currently working with True Green, and I'm looking to quit.

And see, you got a position open for a land crew for me?

Yes.

Oh, that'd be great.

That'd be delicious.

What can you tell me, or what would you like to know?

Okay.

So you said you're working for True Green right now?

Yeah, I'm looking to quit because of their policies on, like, co-worker relationships.

Okay.

Do you allow co-worker relationships?

Well, I haven't had that issue come up.

So I've got, you know, we generally have six, I've got, well, hopefully this year I'll have three crews,

but between six and nine guys working for me, so I haven't had that issue come up.

Sixty-nine guys, or you said six?

Six to nine, yes.

Oh, 629, okay, I was going to say, that's a lot of guys, that's quite a number.

Yeah, yeah, no, I've got, I've had three crews, and then this year I'll be starting with two crews, so.

Okay, were you going to need a reference, because I can explain now what happens, see, I'm really hands-on with my crew when I'm a foreman,

and I like to, like, do stuff like, you know, I give high-fives, fist bumps, and I like to give, like, little neck massages and stuff,

and I guess one of the guys didn't take really well to that, and, like, accusations started getting thrown around, punches were thrown,

and then the next thing i know i kind of black out and i have my pocket knife in my hand and i'm

kneeling down in front of his car tire and air just happens to be coming out the side of the

tire i don't know how it happened but they they ran they say they saw the camera they saw me do it

i don't remember that at all okay got it so so you're not working for true green now or i am now

but i'm looking to quit there's an issue it's really awkward you know it's really all right

Yeah, it's a breakup.

How long did you work for Triggering?

I've been working there for three years.

Okay.

Yeah, no, I can see where, yeah, if somebody doesn't want a neck massage,

that would be an issue, you know, kind of anywhere.

Well, now I know.

Now I know that my hands, I touch myself, not like that,

but my hands are for me only unless someone's asking.

I learned that.

Okay.

So do you live in McKinney?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, and we work out of – actually, there's a store at 380 in Custer where we work out of – and, you know, Monday through Friday – in March, there may be some Saturdays.

And actually, March, April, May, there may be some Saturdays.

But I'm looking to have nine guys this year and work Monday through Friday.

Okay.

Seven to five is what we generally do.

Have you worked on a mowing crew before?

Yeah, I have.

Yeah, the big mowers.

Yeah.

Do I have to do, like, a lot of dirty Mexicans and stuff like that, like dirty people?

excuse me do i have to deal with like a lot of um dirty people you know like dirty skin people

um this point i mean i could tell you right now just by that question just by saying dirty

mexicans no i didn't no i didn't i don't remember that at all i don't remember that at all yeah i'm

not interested in taking this any further i was just trying to see if you're cool to tell you the

truth i mean just that that question right there i'm not interested in having somebody uh with

with working with you well i mean look i'm part italian it's cool like i'm not like that you know

like i understand well either way you know i what's part of part of working in any job is

getting along with with anybody i i'm gonna you know i'm gonna hire any you know anybody i don't

care whether what race what nationality they are and when i look to hire people i look to hire

people who can get along with those others and that question right there just told me that you're

You're not able to, along with your story.

When I was growing up, my pappy had a pot-bellied pig,

and he slipped in his filth and stuff, and he was dirty as sin,

but I love that pig, you know?

I understand, but the question you just asked me when you said,

are you going to be working with Dirty Mexicans?

I'm not interested with working with you.

This interview is over.

Thank you very much.

All right, bye.

Asshole.

What an asshole, that guy.

He might have been there, so that's why I said asshole.

keep it moving when you do pass through knowing when we bump heads we will soon bump oh boy

yeah listen we got off to a wrong foot can we just wipe the slate like let's just start like

you know no once that came out that look i bought you something i bought you something

honey don't be like that look what i got you i got you this necklace all right we're done

here don't call me back this is for you honey come on i'm sorry

gay racist foreman when i was growing up my pappy had a pot belly pig

and that thing was dirty as sin but i loved him

i loved him like i would any pet any dog

hell he was smarter than the dog

all right lube tech job i'm supposed to say let's see the idea is my wife is a rich businesswoman

that i've been living off for a while awful for a while and i should make it look like i'm making

an effort oh to make it look like i'm making an effort ask if i can come in for a fake interview

that's a good idea just dude i gotta do more of that sign language they don't shop that lady

he totally ran with the relay call hello hello hello that was very useless

have you tried getting in the hotel no but i know two other girls that did they made

when i played some guys when i bought the motorway dan again play columns automotive

yeah hey i was calling about the lube tech job okay hold on just one moment oh god

jordan hey big jordan how you doing good uh all right so look i'm gonna level with you you got

a loop tech job there right yeah all right well i'm just trying to make it look like i'm making

an effort um number one uh my wife is real upset that i'm not really making an effort to find a job

because i'm in unemployment number two the state of texas said that i have to keep a log that i'm

trying to look for interviews i have to try to do at least one a month so i'm coming up i got a few

days left so i was wondering if i can just come in i don't know anything about loop tech shit or

anything like that i just need you to basically let me come in for an interview and just you know

know what i mean to sign the paper that i came in no i'm all right i can literally just come in

well now listen i'm interested in i already filled the position i know my i know my rights

i know my rights and you gotta offer me an interview if i'm looking interested for a job

you can't discriminate well i'm not discriminating i'm just saying i'm not hiring the position no

you didn't how come the guy i talked to before said it was still open he does interviews and i

got a guy starting on thursday well then you got enough you got enough time for me just you gotta

sign the fucking paper man come on so you want to call me up and cuss me out and stuff and

And tell me about your rights.

Yeah, my right to get my unemployment, basically.

I just see some asshole that signed this saying that I came in for an interview.

Now I'm some asshole because I won't sign this paper for you.

I'll suck your dick, man.

Come on, I'll suck your dick.

You signed the paper.

Keep trying while they're in town to get out of the vehicle.

I hate seeing that, though.

I feel so dirty.

Are you a beetle maniac?

I feel my mom in heaven looking down on me, very disappointed.

We're not going to fight you or grab you or something.

But who would believe us?

Last night changed into all I had to pull.

First of all, I got out of the scene full court.

Good stuff, Parkman.

I'm nervous, heavy, my sound's a rose.

An intimate kiss followed by the down tone.

Repeatedly, this person kept me out of my home.

All right, leasing agent job.

Leasing agent.

No blue and blue.

We're choosing the office at Westworth.

This is Tyler speaking.

How may I help you?

Hi, Tyler.

Is that a girl Tyler or a boy Tyler?

Girl.

Okay.

So you got a job for a leasing agent?

We do.

Oh, nice.

Nice.

That's very nice.

Okay.

Were you interested in that?

Well, I'm a private detective, and I'm investigating, like, one of the residents there.

So this way, if I get the keys, you know, if I got the job, I can just get a base of operations there.

Okay.

All right.

And, yeah.

All right.

Would you like to send over your resume?

Yeah, sure.

Do I get access to the keys, the skeleton key to the apartment?

Just one moment.

Because I like to go in.

um we don't give keys to anyone it's it i mean you can send over your resume if you would like

yeah but once i get the job will i get the skeleton key that opens all the doors i'm not

authorized to to give that information but you're welcome to send over your resume but i'm saying

it's pretty like what am i will my duties entail going into the units occasionally no no sir shit

um okay well i mean because i really i just have to go in like i like to look at the underwear

wear you know people's underwear and what they have could you give us help myself i love him

do you have a favorite yes john why i just love him honestly do you think the beatles are out of

style never they'll never go out of style tell me the truth now which group do you like better

than the beatles wendix can i help you hey this is cross um i guess uh this store is on the list

of the ones that are going to close on Thursday,

the week from Thursday, on the 1st?

Not that I know of.

It just got released.

CNBC is showing that the stock is falling.

The announcement, Bilo, Winn-Dixie,

announces bankruptcy, 215 stores to close.

And then I just got an advanced copy of the PDF

of the store closure list,

and it says the Deltona one on Providence Boulevard is out.

Yeah, not that I'm aware of.

Well, what are we going to do?

I have no idea.

Do you have anything planned?

like i mean where are we i don't know i don't know if any like you think maybe some of the

the walmart's is hiring or you know idea i heard that the bravo supermarket uh in sanford is hiring

maybe we could go there i mean it used to be a wendixy now it's a bravo supermarket me and you

can go you know i'm puerto rican i'll get you in i will say that you're like dominican i think you

can get it and then i'll get it and then i'll punch you i'm sorry i was just kidding i was

Hey, can I speak to the meat department?

Sure.

Bye, honey.

Okay.

I don't know why we're doing this again.

Just felt like it.

Let's see if I'm going to...

Night Watchman job?

Hello?

Meat department, Ralph speaking.

Hey, Big Ralph, how you doing?

All right, who am I speaking with?

My name is Cross.

Cross?

Yeah, Cross.

Yes, sir, what can I help you with?

Yeah, I work at one of the stores here in Sanford.

I guess we're on the list of stores that are going to be closing.

Did you know about that?

I work at the Butcher Block here in Sanford.

You work at the Butcher Block?

Yeah, at a different store, but I was just, like, I don't know.

Have you ever been to the Walmart Internet, the Walmart, the Winn-Dixie Internet Forums,

the Employee Forum, Forum Boards?

No.

What store do you work at, Lake Mary or Sanford?

Lake Mary Boulevard.

Lake Mary Boulevard, Winn-Dixie?

Yeah.

Okay, the only one in Lake Mary is in Heathrow.

Yeah, okay, I'm sorry.

All right, yeah.

Well, you take Lake Murray Boulevard up and you go to the Winn-Dixie.

It used to be the Goodings.

Yes, sir.

Yeah, that's where I work, at the butcher block.

Yeah.

In the meat department.

Yeah, the butcher block.

Oh, did they put a butcher block back in there when they remodeled it?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, well, it doesn't mean nothing now because they're closing us and they're closing you guys, too.

They're closing Providence, Deltona, and they're closing us here, too.

Okay, well, who's telling you this?

The PDF is that, well, I was watching CNBC in the background here.

Here's my day off, and they came up with really big breaking news,

and it said Winn-Dixie buy low to close 215 stores official,

and the stock is down.

It's, like, collapsed, so there goes my investment stuff.

Stock is not public for sale that I know of.

It's all private.

I know, yeah, but it's completely worthless now, apparently they're saying.

They're saying the whole company portfolio is worthless now.

And where are you getting the information about Heathrow and this store here?

It's on the forums.

It's on the official Winn-Dixie corporate letterhead.

It shows here.

It has a list.

215 stores closing March the 1st.

Thursday, March the 1st is round one, and you guys are round one, so am I.

We're round one.

It's on a Winn-Dixie website?

No, it's a PDF that was sent out to, I guess, Dole and Fresh Express.

You know, they get to do salads and stuff like that.

It got sent out to the vendors this morning, and I guess this vendor leaked it.

You're kidding me.

No, yeah, this vendor leaked it.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Let me ask you, why are you calling here?

To see if we've heard anything?

Yeah, I don't know if you've heard of anything.

Because I heard the Bravo supermarket is hiring in Orange City.

So I was going to go there.

I don't know if you've heard anything.

No, we haven't.

We're being told that this whole thing is nothing but fake news.

No, it's done.

It's done.

Like it's official.

Like right now, I'm looking at the PDF.

There's 215 stores.

They're pulling out of South Florida completely.

Except for the Fresco Yma sustained.

sustained and they've got a there and apparently there's a sale with kroger to buy the remaining

stores that the remaining footprint in south florida i guess kroger is going to be coming

into florida now big time and there may be going to be buying you know you need to be talking to

my store manager because i just asked him about this about 30 minutes ago oh my god i don't know

what i'm gonna do i don't know what i'm gonna do i don't know man i got a baby and i just

Just sign the lease on a new car?

Well, my store manager just told me 30 minutes ago.

He's lying.

It's all over.

I don't understand.

I'm not a computer person.

What is a PDF?

It's like a document.

This is the document.

Yeah, but where is it located?

It's on the internet somewhere?

It's on the employee internet boards, internet forum boards.

Employees of Winn-Dixie and Bilo post on here.

and it's it's wild let's see here's another posting this one came from uh from a pepsi

vendor from a pepsi bottling company in jacksonville they got the email too the same one

it's all over man it's all over it's done this is crazy first it was kmart now it's us man yeah

okay well let me uh you just want to know i'm hyperventilating i don't know what i'm gonna do

i don't know what i'm gonna do oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god is there something

Is there something that I can do to help you out?

Is there a reason you called here specifically?

Oh, my God.

Is there something I can do to help you?

This is the first butcher.

I mean, this is the first meat department.

The first Winn-Dixie I worked at here when I was a kid was here.

All right?

It was this store a long time ago, back when it was Goodings.

It was a Publix first, and then it was a Goodings.

It was a Goodings first.

I'm afraid you don't go back far enough because before that, it was a Publix.

Long, long time ago.

No, it wasn't.

It was a Goodings.

It opened as a Goodings.

Is there something that I can help you with?

It's never been a Publix.

Is there something that I can do for you?

Because I'm right in the middle of trying to do the order.

Wait a minute.

You're in the Providence Boulevard one, right?

Yes.

That's always been in Dixie.

Yeah, this one.

I'm talking about Heathrow.

No, this was a Goodings.

I know it was a Goodings.

I used to have a leather Taco Bell in there.

Yeah, it's always been a Goodings.

It never was a Publix.

Publix never touched this place.

Listen, I'm trying to get the order done, so if there's something specific I could get for you.

No, I'm going to let you go, man.

I mean, you might want to let your guys know back there what's going on, because...

I'll talk to the store manager.

All right.

Hurry up.

All right.

Your name's Cross.

Yeah, Cross.

Yeah, good luck, man.

All right, man.

See you.

You too.

All right.

Got a little confused there at the end.

Threw him off.

It's fucking big.

It's like, calm down, man.

Calm down.

It's all right, man.

All right.

ready we're looking at about 12 12 minutes away from when we uh take the break when i take the

break who's we right who are we anyway all right back to parkman water park sales coordinator

yeah parkman wants me to take those races

epic waters underwater park this is michelle how may i help you yeah hi are there a lot of big

white girls there i'm sorry are there a lot of big white girls there today how can i help you

i'm just i was thinking about coming in just for a day pass you know uh-huh but i was wondering

wondering like are there a lot of like big girls there today or like what's what's the heat like

yeah you want to know the temperature in the building no well of the women you know that are

in there like what are they are they we got big girls today i don't know what kind of size girls

we have here i work upstairs oh is there is there a dude is there a dude down there i can talk to

that might be checking out the coups you know what i mean checking out the the real estate

you're playing a joke on me no like i want to come in but i don't want to come in there's a

bunch of ugly skinny white girls there you know with no titties i want to see like big breasts and

bosoms. Alright, thank you for calling.

Okay, bye.

I was being honest.

I skipped night, night, excuse me.

I skipped night watch, man.

That was when Dixie called, pretty funny.

That was the one that I grew up going to.

And he's completely wrong. That was a Goodings

first, and then it became a... I remember when

it broke ground, even. Never was

a Publix dude.

The name is International Business Boulevard.

That's where I got International Business Machines is from the name of that street that it's on.

There's no answer at the night watch, man.

Waxing specialist.

Okay.

Yeah, hi.

Hi, you've got an appointment, or excuse me, a position open for a waxing specialist?

Yeah, were you looking to apply?

Well, my boyfriend Lysol is.

He has experience waxing.

Well, I can give you our owner's email address so that he can forward his resume.

Well, he's deaf.

If you can let me continue.

He's deaf, and I'm actually calling to translate for him.

He's going to, I do sign language on the phone.

So he had a few, so I'm sorry, what did you say your name was?

Alexa.

Alexa, okay.

Alexa.

Okay.

All right.

He's asking, what time is it?

He says, Alexa, what time is it?

It's 1145 a.m. here.

Okay.

All right.

He says, Alexa, set a timer for 15 minutes.

Okay.

I had to go.

I had to do it.

I'm sorry.

I had to do it.

I had to derail that a little bit from the original plan because fuck, her name was Alexa.

Thank God I don't use Alexa.

I use a different command for that, the E command.

Speaking of which, Alexa, volume 10.

alexa play weird al yankovic beat it oh shit all right hopefully you guys are being regaled

with a very loud rendition of weird al's eat it

coming up on that break any minute now any minute now guys wall uh wall machine warehouse

Warehouse Machine Operator?

That's right.

I was working on a warehouse sound effect.

I don't think I saved it.

I was going to save one.

I didn't do it.

That sucks.

That would have been perfect for right now.

All right, I'll be a construction guy then.

Hey, how you doing?

Good, how are you?

I'm good. I'm calling about that warehouse machine operator.

Well, yes sir.

Yeah, I've got some.

I'm working on a construction job now, and I'm about to get fired

because I'm going to beat the crap out of someone

if they hit me in the hand with my hammer.

So I'm about to beat the crap out of him, so I'm going to need a new job.

I figured I'd use the bathroom to try to cool down,

and I started looking for a new job, so I saw this opening.

So I'm just going to go punch his lights out and maybe come in for the interview.

Okay.

Can I speak with Nathan?

Yeah, he's not here right now.

Do you have a cell phone number?

No, I got this number here.

I'm calling from, like, the pay phone down the street.

Okay.

Well, did you, let's see here.

Do you remember what ad you saw?

Yeah, it says,

Warehouse Machine Operator.

Keep explaining.

Okay.

Where do you live at?

I live in Dallas.

You live out in Dallas?

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, the best place for you to go

would probably be our office out in Duncanville.

Okay.

This is the Fort Worth office.

Okay.

All right.

And I'll bring my shoes and glasses.

yeah let me get your first and last name first all right cross okay valente spell that v-a-l-e-n-t-e

milk machine company store alligator parking lot okay suv okay motherfucker okay anything else

that's it all right cool so we'll see you at the office and we'll see you here soon all right

cross okay all right i'll bring my shoes and glasses no you don't need shoes for this job

oh okay straight up all right cool all right i'm gonna suck your dick okay take care take yeah you

have to think about that you have a little bit of a chubby hey i'm gonna saw this piece of wood

in your name hey do you want some winn-dixie fried chicken he's gone now

tell me this how long do you think the beetle's gonna last well i wish they'd last forever they

could bring happiness to everybody everybody on usa this is jasmine speaking how may i direct

your call yeah hi is the place that has the fat girl models sorry could you explain what you're

asking uh fat girl models is this a place that has the fat girl models not entirely sure what

that question means sir just like big girls big fat girls oh man that was a bit too strong

I can see why she ended up hanging out.

I'll try again.

This is Gloria.

How may I direct your call?

Hi, Gloria.

I'm calling.

I'm looking about fat girl models.

If you accept them.

Big plus size, I guess it is.

Is that what I'm supposed to say?

We accept any size.

But she's fat.

She's convinced she's going to be a model book, I mean, between me and you.

You know what I mean?

Okay, how old is she?

16.

She's 16?

Yeah.

I mean, if she's interested in taking classes, we can take down her information.

Okay, she's 61.

All right.

So we only accept the ages 8 from 19.

Oh, here we go.

Racist, racist, racist, racist, racist, racist.

Racist

Racist, I say, racist

Shame on you

Shame, shame, shame

Anyway, I'll be back in about

10, 11, 12, 18, 20, 30 minutes

Alright, we'll be right back

It'll be like I wasn't even gone, motherfucker

Yeah

For 14 years, he sold frat cocaine.

Life's made me ambidextrous

Counting with my right, whipping white with my left wrist

Damn Daniel

FBI keep bringing them all white vans through

Listening to Madhouse Live

On the largest prank call station in the nation

Prank Call Nation

Radio will be back right after this

I hope that when you die

They put your GPS in your box

And a trap door at the bottom

So when you die, you open a trapdoor at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

Yeah, check it out.

See, the only thing you need to do right here is snarl your fucking head.

It's in the head every day.

Hey, hello.

Hi.

Calling about travel.

What is this that I'm sorry?

I'm calling about travel.

You are calling about travel from where to where, sir?

Just a minute, let me ask.

Off to Mumbai?

Hello?

Yes, from where?

To Mumbai, from JFK to Mumbai.

What date is that, sir?

Next week?

On the 1st?

Thursday?

Okay. Can't you move a little bit somewhere because there is too much noise and I can't hear you, sir.

Or if that is a TV, just lower it, you know.

Hello?

Yeah, those are some guys that are here.

What is that?

That's just some guys that are here yelling. I don't know what they're saying.

They're talking Indian, I think, or Hindi or something like that.

But you are here in the United States, yeah?

Yeah, yeah, but I'm at an Indian restaurant and they're talking.

I think they're friends.

Because all Indian people talk really loud, like they're angry, but they're not.

I don't know.

Yeah, because they're dirty.

Well, I don't know about that.

Okay.

Maybe that's...

They're animals.

I can comment on that.

They're animals, you know.

Where are you from?

Are you Bengali?

Bangladeshi?

No, if I say I'm Bengali, I will also be like animal.

Maybe that's according to you.

Maybe, but that's what I'm asking if you are.

Well, I'm from Afghanistan.

Oh, that's disgusting, though.

Okay, so why would you even deal with me then?

Where in Afghanistan are you from?

Where in Afghanistan I'm from.

Yeah.

Why, you are familiar with that area or what?

Yeah, I was stationed at Bagram Air Force Base during Operation Enduring Freedom.

So, yeah, we have a place to live in Kabul as well as we are from east part of Afghanistan.

East part of Afghanistan?

Yeah, that is Jalalabad, Nangarhar.

Oh, Jalalabad, yeah.

Yeah, I was there once.

Yeah, I had sex there over there with someone's mother.

Maybe it was you, your mother.

What is that?

Maybe it was your mother I had the sex with that was there.

Maybe, you know?

Sounds like I'm in India right now.

That's India.

Anywhere you are in India, that's what it sounds like.

Just loud traffic.

and beeping and then china sounds like the same but you throw in some uh some bicycle bells

all right let's go back to the parkman list of telephone numbers dental assistant for spa style

salon dental assistant for a spa style salon what how do you have a dental assistant in a salon

i'm really you really confused me

second dental

yeah

a spa style

that is weird

you go to the spa

and get your dental stuff

taken care of

wow

your call has been

forwarded to an

automatic voice message

system

uh

installation helper

whatever he says

say yeah

I can help with that

help with answering

the phone

help with hanging up

the phone

help carrying the groceries

um

Um, what's on hold?

What the fuck is this?

Hello?

Whatever.

It's great to hear it, Rainsoft.

How may I address your call?

Hi, I was calling about the installation helpers.

Okay.

What's the extension on the ad that you're looking at, please?

Two.

Sixty-nine.

Well, no, I'll transfer you.

Hey.

Hello?

Oh.

Hiring line for our...

Here's a high volume of calls for that position.

This is the first stage of the screening process.

Please leave your name, your phone number, and a little bit of information about yourself.

Motherfucker.

That's not acceptable.

Hey, listen, you just dropped me onto a voicemail.

You just dropped me into a voicemail.

What's that about?

How about you be considerate?

No, wait, wait.

Don't put me on hold, god damn you.

Hello?

I'm calling about a job, but I need to talk to someone.

Aren't you going to talk to a computer?

I understand that.

What usually happens is we transfer to the extension,

you leave your information in the voicemail,

and the supervisor will give you a call to schedule an interview.

Okay, but when I called and you said, how can I help you?

I said, I need to talk to someone about the position.

and you say okay just hold please hold for that extension and it's you know what i mean you don't

explain that at all that's nasty sorry about that i got a lot of shit i gotta do and i need a

fucking job you understand i understand so put me through to someone i can talk to a real person

god damn it i'm serious okay i'm so serious i'm serious as cancer do you have someone in your

family with cancer that's how serious i am our office manager and the owner actually has cancer

Has cancer?

Okay.

Our office manager and our owner are actually out of the office today.

Would you like to leave your information in that voicemail?

No, I'd like to talk to whoever's in charge right now.

I don't have anyone here that you can speak with at the moment.

You're the one in charge?

That's you?

You're the highest up?

Like I said, our owners are out of office right now,

and our office manager's out of the office currently.

But there's other people there, right?

There is.

Can you order them to disrobe?

Yeah.

should get some music on right i mean this is music but i'm saying something that's not the

random jazz from the jazz groove boring time carlito carlito distracted guy okay

we'll bring it back to the old mf doom days the number you have dialed is not in service

yeah yeah yeah it is don't fuck with me hey um what's up this is cross i work at the butcher

UltraBlock over here at the Heathrow store.

Okay.

So I guess...

You want to speak to the meat department?

Well, no.

I mean, I guess we're going out of business, huh?

We're closing.

Both of our stores are on the list.

Yeah.

No, it just got released, apparently.

I got a copy of the PDF.

We're on 215 stores closed Thursday, March the 1st, and we're on that first wave.

Wow.

Yeah, it says French Avenue, Heathrow, Orange City, Lake Mary.

Lake Mary, it says here.

There's one in East Orlando, it says.

And what site is that?

Deberry, Delta.

No, I said what site?

Oh, it's on the Winn-Dixie forms, the employee form boards.

Oh, okay.

It got sent to a vendor, Fresh Express, Dole Company, Fresh Express, got a copy of a letter.

And it shows the stores that they need to discontinue shipping, canceling all shipments to.

and this is they got she got you you guys are there and are here we're here i don't know man

i don't know what i'm gonna do i don't know what i'm gonna do but yeah i mean man me either shit

i heard bravo supermarket is hiring yeah somebody but you have to be like puerto rican or something

to work there apparently yeah yeah i'll give it a shot and i hate those guys you know you could

probably get away with you could say you're dominican but i can't i'm white you know right

All right, you'll be able to handle it.

No, no, I can't.

What am I going to say that I'm like, well, I mean.

All right, bud.

All right.

Well, hey, can I talk to the guys in the butcher block?

Just to let them know.

All right, hold on a second.

All right, hey, tell everyone you know.

He's like, oh, yeah, man.

He's like, cool, I'm going on an appointment.

I smoke so much weed.

He's like, goodbye, random drug testing.

Hey, Rich.

Hey, Rich, it's Cross.

I'm here at the Heathrow store.

Hey, man.

Hey, so I guess you're on the list with us, huh?

What's that?

Wave one closing Thursday, March 1st.

We're on the PDF, both of you.

You got French Avenue, Sanford.

Yeah.

Heathrow is on here.

For what now?

Providence Boulevard, Deltona.

DeBerry Avenue, DeBerry.

Store closings on Thursday, next Thursday.

What?

Yeah, 215 stores to close in three waves.

Yeah, I heard that.

We're on the list.

Yeah, it just got released right now.

CNBC is reporting it.

And then, I guess, Fresh Express, the salad guys, the salad company.

They got a copy of the letter informing them of what stores to stop shipment to as soon as possible,

and it got leaked out onto the forums on the Internet.

Next Thursday, huh?

Yeah, Thursday.

It says Thursday, right?

March 1st?

Yeah, I believe so.

Oh, shit.

That's why.

They're doing it Thursday.

That's why, because it's March 1st.

Oh, my God.

No shit.

Oh, man.

What am I going to do?

I don't know.

I didn't hear.

I mean, they had something on the news about it.

And then the store manager come back here Saturday and told Chuck that, oh, no, it's just rumors, just rumors, that they were filing bankruptcy or something.

Well, apparently they knew.

All the managers knew about this since Thursday, since last Thursday.

They were giving him a two-week notice.

So if he told you that, he's lying.

Our manager hasn't even come in today.

That's where we got concerned because he didn't say anything.

Ours isn't here either.

I didn't see Gary here either.

Yeah, that's because they're in a meeting.

That's why.

Oh.

Yep.

Ours didn't come in.

That's where we got concerned.

And then we started looking, like I started looking on my phone, because I'm a member of the employee forums, the Winn-Dixie-Bilo employee forums.

It's an independent Facebook group.

And when I looked, and the one guy was like, hey, look, guys.

And, yeah, we're on the list, yep.

So what does that mean?

Are you going to get rid of everybody, or are they going to try to move people?

No, they can't move people.

They can't.

It's all part of the restructuring.

They can't.

They're closing all 215.

I'm going to cry to get a job at Bravo Supermarket.

Oh, really?

Really?

Yeah, where that old Winn-Dixie used to be, down towards the airport boulevard.

Yeah, well, I don't know.

I live in Deltona.

I mean, I...

Oh, shit.

Yeah, they're closing the Providence one.

Well, that store's a shithole anyway.

Yeah, it is.

It's full of Puerto Ricans and shit, you know?

So is this one, really, but I mean...

There's a bunch of fucking dirty Puerto Ricans coming to that store, too, right?

Not here.

Oh, yeah.

Not here.

I'm in Heathrow, so luckily we don't have to deal with that dirt, you know?

They're not shutting that one down, right?

Well, yeah.

Yours, too?

Yeah, we're going to shut that one down.

I knew they wouldn't do 13 because they just remodeled it.

I don't know.

I don't see it.

Yeah.

Well, the Berry just got remodeled, too.

They just remodeled the Berry store.

You said that one was on there?

Yep.

Yeah.

That's the one the manager from here just went down to there.

Yeah.

They said they're going to convert some to Harvey's, and the rest are going to get sold to Kroger.

Yeah.

I did hear something about somebody was saying something about turning this one into a Harvey's after the first year.

The grocery inventory or whatever specialist was telling me that.

Nope.

He heard that.

No, we're on a chopping block, man.

So if you turn them into Harveys, then we could, I don't know, they might not get rid of us, but I don't know.

They're not.

That's the whole thing.

They're closing.

It's just a closing.

No, they're not converting it.

Nope.

All right.

Well, good luck, brother, man.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

Paul, I'm just going to get a six-pack right now off the shelf and just drink it.

I don't give a shit anymore, to be honest with you.

Yeah.

I'm going to ask Corey about that shit.

All right.

The assistant.

All right, man.

All right, fuck it, right?

See you, man.

Good luck to you.

you all right all right man fucking racist oh i got advanced notification from zax there might be

a party time after all right let me uh he was trying to call in the middle of that see if i

can connect the old zax machine so crazy rumors start now this guy's gonna tell everyone yeah

corporate calls instead they're closing why would corporate call i just say they're gonna close let

me call uh matt and zax hey how you doing buddy okay good good to hear you yeah uh so you guys

I'm probably going to finish in 40 minutes.

Okay.

Sounds good.

All right.

Good, good, good.

It's good to hear you.

Where's Matt?

Did he connect?

He was around.

He's just got his smoothie ready.

He's got his smoothie of the day to drink, and he's getting ready for the show.

All right.

Yeah.

Very nice.

Cool.

Did you want to hang out?

Did you need to prepare?

You need to meditate before the show?

No, I'm fine.

Okay.

Good.

Well, we were going to go on in 25 minutes, but like, what else?

Yeah.

I know you're very zen.

You'd like to say your mantra, like you'd like to zone out.

Hey, how you doing, Big Dom?

Are you working there, Dominic?

Yes.

You getting ahead of yourself?

Hello, hello.

What's going on?

Hey, we're good.

People are talking shit about you in the chat.

What were they saying?

They do do that.

They do do?

People are not a fan of me.

Oh.

Hey, Dom, I'm sorry I said dirty Mexicans, you know.

It's true, though.

Fire sprinkler fitters coming up next.

Let's do it.

Yeah.

I said dirty Puerto Ricans, too, so we're good.

That's okay. You can say whatever you want about Mexicans, bro.

I don't like them either.

I know, right?

You're Lebanese. What am I talking about?

Yeah, I don't know.

It was on Matt's show. I was like, oh, you're Lebanese.

You're like, yeah, I'm Lebanese. Oh, cool.

No, I'm just kidding, man.

Hey, the noises don't bother you at all? Is it cool?

What? You sound, you're very low quality.

The noises don't bother you? Do I sound cool, or?

Uh, you sound far away.

Oh, hey, you guys are at Tradesmasters?

Are you all enjoying your holiday?

Yeah, totally. Totally enjoying just sitting here.

What holiday is it?

President's Day.

Wow.

Vote Supreme Donald Trump.

It's a scam to combine George Washington Day and Abraham Lincoln Day in a one day.

That's what Homer Simpson said.

Thanks, everybody.

I am still drinking smoothies, y'all.

Nice.

You got some garlic in those smoothies?

No.

You should do that.

All right.

I'm going to be open.

All right, buddy.

I do hemp protein.

MCT Oil.

Hello?

Hello, yes, how can I help you?

Yeah, I can't read and I have bad hearing, but I'm calling about the cook job.

I'm sorry, can you repeat that?

I can't read and I have really bad hearing, but I'm calling about the cook job.

Hello?

Yeah, hello?

Mother, he's lying.

He's a liar.

I think he has bad hearing, too.

Yeah, no, he's a liar.

He's like, fuck that, and act like I can't hear him.

Ha, ha, ha.

So, you got anything big planned for today's show?

Oh, yeah, like always, like always.

always all kinds of stuff all kinds of stuff big plans

have you been calling the cancer guy lately i haven't heard him he he doesn't pick up i will

we apparently he has a grandson named matt because because i think he's you know the wife was like

yeah who is this and i was like yes matt he's like god a grandson or something your call has

been forwarded to an automatic that's it for kook no kook i am like choking down these smoothies

well dude don't choke all right take it you need to be able to digest that properly i just i drink

it i'll show you how i drink it okay we got a credit department administrator job i'm not looking

at the video oh okay oh no i am okay yeah and how do you drink it nice that's how you drink that's

about right good work like big gulps how you like this shirt yeah big big man oh heaven's

Get Heaven's Gate away, team.

Dough.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, credit department administrator.

It's great to hear it, Rainsoft.

How may I get your call?

Yes, I'm calling about the credit department administrator,

and I need to speak to a person.

I don't need a recording.

Okay.

I'm sorry about that.

Our office manager, who's the hiring manager as well.

Here we go.

Go ahead.

Well, she's not in right now.

Would you like to voicemail for her?

No, I'll talk to you about it.

I'm not knowledgeable with all of the...

But you know the building there, right?

I have questions about certain accessibility.

possibility. First of all, lupus or systemic lupus erythematosus, multiple sclerosis,

rheumatoid arthritis, rheumatoid arthritis. Oh, whatever. Ways to prank.

Hello. May I help you? Yeah. Hi. I'm calling about the job and I need to talk to a person.

I need to talk to a person. What job are you referring to? Lupus or systemic lupus,

multiple sclerosis, rheumatoid arthritis, heart failure, coronary heart disease,

disease, heart blood pressure, Crohn's disease, liver disease, hepatitis, irritable...

Excuse me, we are a water softener company.

Irritable bowel syndrome.

Excuse me?

Irritable bowel syndrome.

Excuse me?

Irritable bowel syndrome.

Sir?

Yes?

We are a sales and service company of water softeners.

All right.

Do you filter for Crohn's irritable bowel syndromes?

No, this is for water softener filters.

All right. Gout, ulcerative colitis.

Sir, were you looking to buy a system?

Yes. I drink water.

Thank you. One moment, please.

Lyme disease. Diabetes.

Toledo, do you have a Twitter? Do you have a Twitter? Do you have, like, a public?

Madhouse. Madhouse on Twitter.

Madhouse. Madhouse. Okay. Cool. Cool.

Thank you. Thank you.

I need a tachyon. I like making tweets.

Tachyon beams. Tachyon beams.

So many.

any tachyon beams tachyon beams tachyon beams i almost drank 60 ounces of smoothie now you need

to drink tachyon beams you always got the best fucking music dude thanks man i'll call her again

i'm just gonna keep naming off the soil yeah

Yeah, hi.

Calling about Crohn's disease, liver disease, hepatitis, irritable bowel syndrome, Lyme disease, diabetes, neuropathy.

Sick, what the fuck?

Yeah.

Yeah. Hey, Dom, are you listening?

Is Dom listening?

Dom, the pooping sound effect.

I'm right here. What's up?

The pooping sound effect. Is that the same one you use?

Yeah, it sounds like it.

Yeah, cool. I found it on YouTube.

It's probably where you found it, too.

It's called

man-taking-shit sounds or something like that.

Maybe. Yeah, it sounds about right.

That's what it sounds like.

That's what it sounds like to me.

We're creating a panic at Winn-Dixie stores,

which we can always do if you're interested uh tell them that they're closing or i was listening

a bit dom can you do a call i can have you call from a windixy warehouse if you want that'd be

cool if you want to scare them and they're thinking the store's closing okay um do do do do do i'll

have to find one just a minute thank you oh yeah you got it okay dom this one's in orlando if

they're asking no what's a city close to orlando just say you're it's castle bay thank you for

calling your Winn-Dixie store located in Castleberry, Florida. Our store hours are 7 a.m. to 10 p.m.

seven days a week. Say you're in Lake Mary. Lake Mary, okay. And this is the Castleberry store.

Hello, this is Winn-Dixie Castleberry. How may I help you? Hey, yeah, how are you doing? I'm over

here in Lake Mary at the Winn-Dixie warehouse. Wanted to talk to one of the managers. Apparently

we got a thing going on around here. Our stores are going to close down soon. I don't know if

You saw, you got word of the closings that are going to happen in about a week or so.

Uh-huh. So, is it actually happening?

Yeah. See, this guy just came in here. I'm in the warehouse right now.

This guy in a suit, he just came in and he said, you know what, we just got to sort all the stuff that's right here on the conveyor belts and get this shit out as soon as we possibly can because they're changing ownership.

I don't know what's going on, so we're going to be working around the clock nonstop until everything that's in this warehouse is accounted for.

He came in.

He's like, hey, you motherfuckers need to get this shit out of here, you know?

And I was like, all right.

Oh, my God, yeah.

Okay, well, let me put you on the line with Stan, the store manager, all right?

Okay, yeah, my name's Jacob Sweeney.

My name is Jacob Sweeney.

Okay, that's fine.

I'll get him right now.

I'll walk up to him personally.

I'm the operations manager, the operations of mechanical engineering manager.

Okay, that works.

Let me put you on hold.

Thank you.

That's so weird.

Hey listen

The distribution center

You're calling from

Is Jacksonville, Florida

Okay

I hope the noise

Sounds good

At least it's not

Too cluttered

It sounds believable

Just

It's so funny

Gotta get this shit

Out of here

Hey man

Hello

My name is

Jacob Sweeney

How you doing?

Good

How are you?

Yeah I understand

You got the news

The bad news

About the stores

What happened?

What are you

Referring to?

We're closing down

In about a week or so

here march 1st shutting down all operations what store is it yeah what's the jacksonville

florida distribution center i'm in the warehouse my name sweeney came in and he said everything in

this warehouse needs to be accounted for motherfuckers he said he said we got to get it

out he's really mean and that we're getting bought over by he didn't tell me he didn't tell me he

just came in he had a suit and sunglasses and i said hey bro you can't walk in the warehouse with

without proper boots on without proper footwear and he told me you don't tell me what to do

motherfucker and then he started talking to my boss and he said we got to get all this shit out

of here crazy so now you know i'm an operations manager and i'm on the conveyor belt gotta get

all this shit out today he said and i've been i started at 5 a.m so what can i do for you i just

i was just asking is the same thing happening to you did you hear about anything about this

no it's crazy this is a this is a store in a castle yeah he said about 200 locations were

shutting down and he said i own you motherfuckers now he was really rude and i said well what about

me i got a family and he said there's a lot of motherfuckers in that family what makes you think

you're special we don't we haven't heard of anything that's you better talk to somebody

you better find out what's going on i'm just seeing what's going on i'm pretty pissed man

my livelihood right i understand okay i haven't had to do labor in about five years i'm up here

like a goddamn motherfucker sorting shit out yes you talked to your boss my boss he kicked my boss

out he came in he gave my boss a piece of like an envelope like a manila envelope and my boss

walked out and i'm trying to call him and he told me not to call him anymore that he's not the boss

anymore what are you what are you looking for a job or something why are you calling me i don't

understand what we're gonna do i'm trying to see like if it's just localizers the same things

happen to you yet god damn no we don't we haven't heard anything okay well you better prepare

Prepare yourself.

I'm just letting you guys know.

This shit went down earlier today, motherfucker.

Okay.

Well, I appreciate it.

Let me know.

Thank you.

Okay, my name's Jacob Sweeney, all right?

All right?

He's gone.

That sounds real believable.

It sounds like you're just in a distribution center all pissed off, sorting shit all angry.

My damn it, man.

There are calls and shit.

You haven't done that kind of work in years.

That's awesome.

I like how some lawyer comes in.

I own this shit now.

I want to fly.

I'm going to charge her.

i'm glad you like it the funniest part is that there's like next to no unions in florida so like

there's no worker protection so that shit could probably actually happen down in florida and no

one would be none the wiser oh my god that shit happens in california all the time some weird

shit like that yeah get the fuck out of here that was good good work though thank you can you for

this next one i want to try the same thing um i'll be quiet no no but keep the keep the noise

going though because that actually helps out that's perfect okay yeah i'll stay quiet though

smoothie smoothie smoothie drink in the smoothie so matt was very high yeah like a rough penny of

the smoothies maybe like some rum or something that'd be kind of gross no no i don't but i mean

I mean, I go straight from smoothies to beer, though.

That is what I'll be doing shortly.

Do you give yourself any break time in between the two?

Because I would imagine that's like a wrestling match in your stomach.

No, dude.

I am right now.

As soon as I get this little bit of smoothie down in my gut,

I will go put this in the sink and grab some beers and get ready for party day.

Nice.

Down your gut.

Okay, you can't really say gut anymore, man.

You're officially a bad person, man.

You're not a big guy.

Don't say gut. Don't bring yourself down.

You're weighing what you do.

I can't believe how big this shirt is, ain't it?

It looks like a...

Like a dress, like a muumuu.

Yeah, like a kid, like a night shirt.

A little pearl-like thing.

Yeah, totally.

That seems to rank.

I don't want to look like a weirdo.

Just give me the muumuu.

Yeah.

We have a large selection of judicial and agent robes.

You hear how I fucking slur?

How may I help you?

Yeah, hey, how you doing?

Hi, how can I help you?

This is Cruz.

I'm at the Jacksonville Distribution Center.

At the Jacksonville what?

Distribution Center in Jacksonville on Beaver Street.

So I guess we're closing.

I needed to talk to someone because we need a...

Like, some guy in a suit just showed up here.

Look, I'm real upset.

Some guy in a suit just came in here, and he said he's with Kroger,

and that we needed to get all this SHIT out of here.

He said that...

You're with Mike?

Yeah, is that his name here?

I have as a contact, Mike, as the general manager here?

All right.

Yeah, so the manager that we have on duty right now.

All right, yeah, sure.

I'll get him for you.

He sounds like you're having some issues.

Well, your store's closing, just to let you know.

Oh, okay.

On the 1st, March the 1st, Thursday, March the 1st, they gave us, he gave me a list, a printed out list.

They're passing it around, all these stores, and he said, yeah, all these stores need to get their shit out of here, he said like that.

He said they're closing.

Oh, wow, okay.

He said the ones that aren't closing are getting sold to Kroger.

Okay, thank you again, Mike.

All right, thanks.

Hey, make sure you tell everyone about that.

This is bullshit.

shit hey don that sounds like such a fun job man i'm just saying it probably isn't but it just

sounds like it keeps you busy it sounds like you're juggling milk cartons are there any like

inside up perks of the job like anything well my life is just chopping yeah um i guess like

the perks are the benefits the job itself sucks but the benefits are amazing and to how it always

Yeah, with like a super manual labor type job

Do you use like a hammer to smash things? Is that what you do?

Thank you for calling Winn-Dixie, this is Mike, how can I help you?

Hey, it's Cross, I'm here at the distribution center in Jacksonville

Okay, how can I help you?

So, a guy from, some of the guys from corporate just showed up here with a guy in a suit from Kroger

And said that everything here needs to wind down

gave us a list of stores that are going to be closing on March the 1st,

and I guess your location is one of them.

Who is this?

Apopka Violent Road.

Who is this?

This is Cross. I'm at the Jacksonville Distribution Center.

I'm one of the distribution operations managers here.

Hello?

Yeah, I'm Cross. I'm one of the distribution operations managers here

at the distribution center in Jacksonville.

Okay.

Are you with me still?

Yes, sir.

Okay, and this is the South Apopka Violent Road location?

Yes, sir.

Okay, you're on the list of stores that's closing in wave one of the restructuring, 215 stores total, Thursday, March 1st.

I bet it's next Thursday, a week from this Thursday.

So I guess they need to make changes to the supply chain now in order to facilitate that, and they appointed me as liaison for this store.

We haven't received any information.

Can you check your fax or your email?

Because this just went out now.

If you want to understand, CNBC is going to be reporting it any second now.

Give me just a moment, please.

Okay.

co-worker

Is there a risk of death and can I can you get hit by the machines? Oh, yeah, it's anywhere if you work next to

Don't fall into the crushing machine

There was a kitty that like that used to be in the warehouse and we would eat all the rats and you ate them

And then they killed me

No, I got crushed

I hate a machine reversing you watch out. Um, you watch out. That's me doing that. Oh

We got a good combination, Sam.

Hey, you want me to go next to my co-worker that's singing?

Yeah, sure.

Hello?

Yeah, I'm here.

Yeah, I don't have anything on that.

Oh, boy.

Yeah, well, I mean, I don't know what to tell you.

I mean, kid, do you have any instructions at all at this point yet?

Can I get your information and I'll call you back?

Yeah, Cross, I'm at the Jacksonville Distribution Center.

What's your first name, Cross?

Ruben.

But, yeah, we're going to be pulling, I guess, all your stuff is 30% off for all general merchandise.

All seasonal is going to go 70% off immediately, all Valentine's stuff, if it's still there, all March Madness items, anything green, any St. Patrick's Day stuff.

Okay, what's the contact number for you?

It also says the bakery is going to wind down by this Thursday.

So, all right.

Hey, keep this quiet, too, all right?

Please, like, you know, we're trying to keep this on the down low

until we can go through official channels

right now all right i'll tell you good luck to you i'll talk to you later thanks give me a call

back all right whatever your co-workers up singing yeah oh man he was singing some type

of mexican song was funny i thought that would have been perfect yeah we got about 50 about 15

minutes left here i got a uh a stepper exercise thing delivered but it was too big for me to

bring it up jazz one of the door guys gonna bring it up i was gonna say get one of those nice black

gentlemen call you call me say hey it's big guy like oh hey what's up what up yeah you tipped

and weed oh yeah they're my guys he gives him heads up his pen gave him a couple of pills the

other day yeah hi this is cross i'm calling from the distribution center in jacksonville

hi okay so i've just been handed a list of the stores that are going to be shutting down on

march 1st thursday and i've got your location 1347 east vine street on there all right so i'm

calling to kind of start the get the ball in motion for that okay yeah hi my name is cross

i'm calling from the distribution center in jacksonville okay i'm calling because i've just

been handed a list of the restructuring plan and your store here 1347 east vine street kasemi

is on the list for wave one, which is going to be Thursday, March the 1st.

That's next week, Thursday.

Yeah, Thursday, March 1st.

Who am I speaking with?

Sergio.

All right, Sergio.

Okay, so we need to, I guess, they got me.

I'm one of the operations managers here at the distribution center,

and we need to go ahead and start winding things down in the supply chain.

Okay, what do you think?

What do you think?

What do you mean?

What do you think?

What do I manufacture?

Manufacture?

What, are they going to bring something here?

They're going to bring something there?

No, we're closing the store.

The store is going to close next Thursday, March the 1st.

Permanent closing.

Yeah, March 1st, March 1st.

Okay.

I'm sorry, are you the store manager?

No.

Oh, shit, I'm the only one that's...

Excuse me.

I'm only supposed to talk to the store...

I asked for the store manager.

What do you do there?

Who's this?

What's your position?

I'm the S&M.

You're the what?

S&M.

You're the S&M.

Okay, listen, you can't...

Hey, forget everything I said, okay?

Yeah, that's fine.

No, you can't tell anyone about that.

Do you understand me?

No problem.

Well, listen, I got you down here.

If the news gets out, this could affect the stock price.

Yeah, I understand.

I better not hear that you told this to anyone, all right?

It's going to be me and you.

No problem, no problem.

Motherfucker.

All right.

When is your store manager there?

He's on vacation.

He'll be back next Monday.

Okay, you know what?

That means he's not coming back.

He took the vacation.

He knows about the situation.

He just took it.

He's not coming back because the store is going to close three days later.

Do you understand?

Yeah.

All right, so who would be your second-in-command?

I am the second-in-command.

Well, I guess you're inheriting this problem, then.

No problem.

Okay, I highly doubt he has to come in this week, or he's going to be considered abandonment of his post.

Okay.

Okay, anyway, so I'm going to be sending you a fax shortly with all the detailed information for the firing of the employees and in what order to do it.

Also, you need to start now by putting anything seasonal that you have 30% off.

I'm sorry, 70% off.

That includes anything green for March, March Madness items,

and anything related to St. Patrick's Day.

Okay.

Hello.

Sergio.

Okay.

Your bakery, can I talk to the bakery manager?

Because we have to wind down bakery now.

You want to talk to the bakery manager?

Yeah, I need to talk to the bakery manager

because today's going to be the final day of operations in the bakery.

Okay.

Let me put you in a hole, okay?

All right.

Thank you.

Hello? Yeah, she's gone for the day.

Okay, all right. So I need you to close the bakery.

Okay, do you have anyone working there now?

You guys need to do, I need you to do buy one, get one free on all bakery items.

Okay.

That does not include the pre-sliced bread.

Yes.

Okay.

All right, so anything made in-house goes, buy one, get one free as of right now.

And we're going to be pushing that update to the computer system,

so that will be ringing up that way here in just a few seconds.

Okay.

okay all right do you have any questions or concerns no oh shit all right i gotta go

okay all right hey jesus something i don't think he was believing it at the end he wasn't believing

okay okay all right i guess okay oh fuck i like how the manager is on vacation so actually yeah

Yeah, I guess he took his – he's not coming back.

He took the last – he took his last week of vacation time and is not coming back.

As soon as he found out, he just took it.

Like, oh, see you later.

Bye.

Fucking used up all his hours.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Totally believable.

I'm going to go ahead and just wrap it up now because I don't want to get stuck in a long call.

I do have somewhere to be by 3 o'clock, so I've got to get going.

I want to thank Dom the Bomb for joining in.

Be careful there.

Thank you.

All right.

And remember, don't lift with your back.

Lift with your legs, okay?

See you later.

That's Dom the Bomb, everybody.

Matt Hillock and Zach.

So we'll have a show here starting in just a few minutes, I presume, correct?

Yes.

Probably straight away.

So I can just start now, I guess.

Yeah, I guess you just kick me off.

Okay, I'm doing it.

I'm doing it.

Bye.

All right, see you guys.

Have a good show.

I'll be tuned in.

Don't fuck it up, all right?

Cheers, buddy.

Assholes.

Fucking up the shows and shit all the time.

All right, everybody.

Thank you very much to everyone who tuned in.

And Mr. Robert Parkman also, thank you very much.

You had some really good ideas and good numbers, and I want to thank you for that.

Much appreciated.

Most of the time I forget to completely just take him for granted and don't thank him for doing what he's done.

So thank you, sir.

I appreciate that.

I want to thank everyone who tuned in today.

Be sure to visit madhouselive.com.

Subscribe to the podcast links over there.

There, call in anytime, 605-475-0097 to listen to Madhouse Radio 24 hours a day.

Or use the appropriate links for TuneIn Radio or ShelfCast.

You can listen on your Amazon Echo device, all your mobile applications, smart TVs, Roku TVs.

The list goes on and on.

All right.

Patreon.com slash Madhouse.

And follow me on Twitter, Madhouse on Twitter, Madhouse.live on Facebook.

I will catch you guys here, I don't know, maybe in a couple weeks or something like that.

Something like that.

All right.

Goodbye.

Calls (28, 1 h 18 min of 1 h 54 min)

Transcript

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