Diet Ass

Who the hell are you?

You're on top of the elevator.

How did you get on top of the elevator?

Ah, it's you, you fucking jerk-off.

Yeah.

How you doing?

You took out the panel and you crawled up there.

And I spliced the cable.

And you spliced the cable.

And it started working.

I used to repair...

And it started to work.

I used to repair elevator machines.

You used to repair elevators.

Elevator machines.

I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live.

I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito.

That's my big amigo.

So just kick back to listen to this cat call.

all people when this show goes live i'll be like damn this shit's bitching stop whatever i'm doing

to tune in and listen you can catch me in the back of his home at horse machine ranch road i'm

busting mad fat flows for assholes and banchos must be crazy shout out to big amy that's nice

honey baby we kissing pussies so ladies such a labia it's crazy have the stuff that my brother

might save you face it cuz it's the number one prank cast stay back if you can't handle all

All the straight laughs that we hand to your dome.

And if you want, call the number.

You can listen to this show on the go.

Big up to the man in the madhouse.

You show love, just stick your motherfucking hands up.

Some come close, but they can't get it right.

Let the king do his thing.

It's time for Madhouse Live.

Big up to the man in the madhouse.

You show love, just stick your motherfucking hands up.

Some come close, but they can't get it right.

Whose story was as curious as his narrative?

The tale of his life is the tale of a writer of a coalition, an astute analyst, and a lyricist

compassionate to the counts, a reckless hedonist, and disaffected malcontent.

To Madhouse Live Live on the largest prank call station in the nation.

98.6 ML.

McDonald's, how can I help you?

Hey, what's up?

How you doing?

How can I help you?

Excuse me, let's get to business.

business. What the fuck? Fuck. That's not right. That's not right to go ahead and hang up on me

like that, Milkman. Yeah. Hey, you hear me? Oh, come on. Hey, Milkman. Milkman. Uh-oh. I don't

think they can hear me. Somebody's not very nice to you. Can you hear me? You hear me, right,

Milkmans? Hey, you're fine, but I think you're just too excited for that person on the other

end. They know something's not right. Whatever. I'll call somewhere else. I don't care. I don't

care. I don't need to give them my business. Call Jack Masterson or call back in five minutes

with a different mellow voice.

There's plenty of McDonald's's.

I think there's more than a couple

in this country.

Can I make a request?

Oh, shit.

Can I make a request

to Jack Masterson tonight?

You want a Jack Masterson?

Okay.

The last time I did Jack Masterson,

I almost choked to death.

Is that what you want to have?

All right.

Well, don't stick the dildo

all the way down,

just like the tip of the...

The fucking dildo.

How dare you?

How dare you, sir?

Or the marker,

whatever the hell you chew on.

Ah, shit.

Let me find the marker.

Gorilla glue, I shouldn't put that in my mouth.

McDonald's, can I help you?

Hello, can you hear me?

Hello?

Yeah, you hear me?

Yes, can I help you?

Hey, why you get rid of Coke Zero?

I'm sorry, that's not us.

It just comes from corporate.

No, but why I go there and the woman said,

she said, I want a Coke Zero.

And she said, sure, no problem, you stupid woman.

And then I get home and it's Diet Coke.

Huh?

Hello?

Who got...

Man, great idea, Milkman, great idea.

He did a good job, Jack.

Jack, you sound, Jack, highly offensive.

I turned her into a fox machine.

Mira, Milkman, mira.

They have taken, you know, I was, we were pissed off when they got rid of the McDouble.

Now they've gotten rid of Coke Zero.

And why you get rid of Coke Zero?

Why?

That would be a question.

Yeah, well, you don't even have a freestyle machine there.

I mean, come on.

Okay.

So how many soda options you got?

You guys are really behind the times.

You're like, oh, we got fresh burgers.

Oh, oh, our share, our market share is going down.

Oh, what do we do?

Dude, Five Guys is kicking our ass.

What do we do?

Oh, I know.

We'll get rid of the one good diet soda you had.

Now you stuck us with Diet Ass.

I mean, Diet Coke from the 80s.

Can we request a taco burger, please?

Diet Ass.

That's the contender for the title of the show right now.

I think that would be a new thing to the market share back to Taco Burger.

So, yeah, dude, they got rid of my Coke Zero, man.

I can't be doing that.

They got rid of Coke Zero.

They got rid of it.

First of all, they never had that out here, dude.

Dude, we never had that.

No?

Coke Zero?

I mean, at the McDonald's?

We've always had the same old bullshit.

Diet, Coke, Sprite, I don't know what else.

And then they only added this, like, tropical Sprite with sugar in it.

Well, that's what came out.

That's what happened over here, at least.

They bumped the Coke Zero for that tropical Sprite, which, let's be honest.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

That was an addition to us.

We don't have, we never had Coke Zero.

That's pretty fucked up, dude.

Well, they got rid of something.

Well, first of all, you remember the Hi-C?

They added something.

They added that.

It was like, cool.

I was like, wow, that's correct.

Hey, but listen, Milkman, you remember the orange Hi-C you used to be able to get at McDonald's?

You remember the orange Hi-C?

It tasted really good.

It was really fucking good.

It was like, it wasn't carbonated.

I think I've seen it on there.

I never got it, though.

This goes back to, I mean, this is like, I remember from when I was a kid.

Like, my mom was like, you want soda or you want orange?

You say, I get orange.

All right, give me an orange.

Well, one place, I don't remember,

it said it had root beer,

and I can't remember which one it was.

Root beer.

One of them you could order root beer.

The A&W hot dog place, maybe?

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm talking about it was like either Hardee's

or McDonald's or Burger King.

One of them, or Wendy's, had root beer as an option.

Yeah, I'm not really a Hardee's guy.

Root beer, they had Mr. Pibb at McDonald's.

They might still have it.

No, no, no, I know, and I'm fucking kidding.

I'm talking about root beer, dude,

because back when, oh, this was back, oh, shit.

When I was in high school, man,

So that would have been, what, about 1933, something like that.

You go under those little bars, and then the guy back there with the little hat,

and he'd pull out the glass and squirt some shit in there.

And he'd go, Pepto, what you like there, buddy?

I was like, well, let's see.

Let me try some of that lime rickety.

All right.

There you go, son.

Shit.

Yeah, so they're really behind the times, because come on.

I can go to a Burger King or a Wendy's right now,

and I've got 100-plus-something combinations of soda that I can get on the freestyle machine.

um a good 70 something or 50 something combinations of diet soda or something like that

and then over here you go to mcdonald's and they got you got eight but not in every store yeah and

i'll tell you what i mean what i mean let's be honest here milkman sprite is for the african

americans the the blakes that's their soda it's just cool like the cool of soda yeah it's like

Electrical cigarettes.

Oh, man.

It's all because of the NBA commercials.

Oh, don't cut on my brother.

I'm just saying.

Come on.

Why would they go white?

No, that don't make sense.

Well, what gives them the right to bump diabetic soda?

The good diabetic one, the Coke Zero.

They don't claim Sprite, brother.

Come on.

Let's be logical.

I don't think they claim white-ass Sprite.

What have they done for us lately, diabetics,

to give them the right to bump our good soda for another version of theirs.

I just don't understand it.

Oh, fuck, dude.

I like Sprite, too, but, you know, I'm sorry, man, brother.

No offense, man.

Dude, I love y'all.

I mean, I'm not trying to be racialist or nothing.

I'm just saying it's not fair.

I'm not either, dude.

I'm just saying I'm laughing.

I don't want anybody to make mistakes.

Dude, I'm laughing.

I just thought that was funny.

Dude, the school of cooks, you know, drinks Sprite.

It's an accurate assessment, Milkman.

man. You're totally on the bump point here, and we'll bring

that up right now. Anyway. We don't have

that shit out here. That sucks. We never had

a zero auction. You know, and here's what

really pisses me off, okay, is they

lowered the drinks down to a dollar and all

that shit, right? Which is kind of cool, dude,

but, like, everywhere else, like, still charge, like,

a dollar and seventy for, like, a large

drink and shit, dude. It's all

fucking water. It's, like, 75%

ice to start with,

and then it added to it

like a whole heap of fucking sugar, dude,

and they charge, like, two dollars for that shit.

Dude, they should be giving you that free...

Yeah, dude, let's be honest.

Yeah, they're still making a killing off the soda

because it's fucking...

It's like 10 cents worth of syrup.

That's what I'm saying.

You know, cut the shit down to free, dude, man.

Totally.

And get rid of the sugar.

Make sure everybody...

No, they're still making a killing off of that.

Yeah, there's a reason you can go to McDonald's.

...by the gallons.

You got a gallon of fucking corn syrup

in one of them canisters?

Yeah, yeah.

But I'm saying they're making a killing off of the money still, even at a dollar.

There's a reason why you can go to McDonald's and get any size drink for a dollar, because they don't give a shit.

You know?

They don't give a shit.

Like, yeah, whatever.

Pays what you want.

Less than a cent in the whole motherfucking thing.

It really is.

It's a ripoff.

And don't get ice either.

Number one, the ice is fucking dirty.

It's really hard to clean those ice machines.

It smells like mold.

Yeah.

It smells like mold.

Number two, you're not...

McDonald's has some bonanzas.

It comes out cold.

Hello?

Listen.

listen i asked for no ice in my soda and it has ice okay no i don't have it i didn't get a receipt

all right did you come into the drive-thru or through the front i went i went through the

drive-thru i mean obviously right i will get my own ice if i came inside are you trying to trick

me no it's no trick you're just that's disgusting no here's the more important problem why don't

you have coke zero anymore coke zero that's a corporate thing we don't corporate that's that

you know you don't know how many people i've talked to already and that's what i keep hearing

thing it's a corporate thing why don't you take some responsibility how many sprites do you have

now right there's a regular and the tropical berries right yeah tropical berry and when how

long ago did you start the tropical berry around the time you got rid of code zero right yes what

gives the black people the right to bump one of the diabetic sodas out the good one for that

for another sprite with orange flavor our choice as to what drinks we get and which ones we don't

we can't tell them to bring back code zero because it's a corporate thing all right so

And we can't go buy a case of Coke Zero and just put it into the store.

Of course you can.

Let's be honest.

First of all, third of all, or wherever we're at now, what's the soda that most black people get?

Sprite, right?

I don't know.

That's a stereotypical comment, and I don't feel comfortable answering that.

It's true.

No, sir, I don't know if that's true, because it doesn't depend on your race.

Everybody gets whatever they want to drink.

Well, you know what it is.

You know.

Are there any black people there?

No, I don't know.

Are there any blacks?

That has nothing to do with the soda.

It does, because they obviously have some kind of buying power, and they push the diet.

I'm diabetic.

This isn't fair.

Do you have any Coke Zero in the back?

No, we don't carry Coke Zero.

We haven't carried it for months.

Can you look in the back?

Maybe you have another one back there?

No, we don't.

Can you just connect it?

Can you just connect it to the machine for a little bit?

I know you've got to have some back there still.

Come on.

I'm so sorry about that, sir, but we don't.

You might want to try another restaurant.

Have a good day.

You're garbage.

Stupid garbage.

Complete accurate assessment.

$4.20, man.

What?

$4.20, dude.

oh yeah go do your drugs yeah milkman what do you got today for 420 it's 420 on the west coast

don't you got anything to do with me man i'm like i need to learn i'm sure you guys out there know

about 420 don't you of course you do man today we got this killer ass og gelato fucking butter

and i mean this motherfucking shit is danger than dog this is like 86.5 percent th that's crazy

Your resistance must be really, really high if you're doing 80-something percent THC stuff now.

This shit barely works, dude.

Oh, my.

That's all right.

Wow, Milkman.

I've got Cinderella 99, which is a sativa, and I believe it's 70, what's the container say?

72.09% THCA.

Man, you can tell this is a good shit.

As soon as you open it up, it just stinks really bad.

I mean, it stinks.

Whoa.

And how are you doing this?

Do you have a vaporizer pen?

Do you have it in...

No, actually, what I got here is a quartz hanger.

It's a different kind of torch, so you're not complaining, right?

It used to be it was so loud.

This motherfucker I got now, you can't even hear it.

Wow.

You could do it right in front of a cop.

He wouldn't even know, huh?

Well, just about.

It's almost that small, dude.

I found it.

Well, I sent you the name of it.

You seen it?

Oh, yeah.

It's in a pretty big, gigantic ice bomb.

Yeah, yeah.

Remember the ice bomb I showed you?

Yeah, I sent that to my spam folder.

Yeah, I remember.

About 14 inches of ice.

Yeah.

Yeah, I sent that to you, man.

I sent that to my spam folder, yeah.

Milkman, it's time for you to do a call.

We're going to call McDonald's,

and I want you to talk about how much you love the McDouble.

Are you high?

Are you enough marijuana inside of you?

He's working on it.

Oh, yeah.

All right, good luck.

Yeah, and how about the jalapeno double?

Where's the jalapeno double?

McDonald's is because of the singing?

Yeah, you have a jalapeno McDouble?

No, we don't.

What do you have that has jalapeno?

We have the bacon McDouble and our regular McDouble.

We also have a double cheeseburger.

So you mean the McDouble's back?

The bacon McDouble, yeah.

Oh, wow, the bacon McDouble.

Wow, wow.

Are you using fresh beef for that?

Daily Double.

The Daily Double.

Remember the Daily Double?

Don't have the Daily Double.

We have the bacon McDouble, and we only use fresh beef for our quarter pounders.

You have the bubble double?

I'm sorry?

What happened with the Coke Zero?

Be honest.

Did the black people say they want another Sprite?

Is that what happened?

I'm sorry?

Did the black people say they wanted another Sprite?

Is that why we lost Coke Zero?

They ain't going to stand for that.

Not in this climate.

We can't do pranks like that anymore, Milkman.

They're not buying it.

People are on to it.

I'm fine.

I'm happy because I know the Coke Zero.

Trump is already pissed in the fucking pot.

I know the Coke Zero is going to come out.

You do that shit, they're going to hang up on you.

I'm seriously not going to go back to McDonald's anymore.

What's the point?

They don't have Coke Zero.

I'm not going to drink that ass.

I'll go to Burger King down the street.

You know what's funny, though, man, with the climate

and the politics and everything, dude, he's actually

pissed in the pot of the cogs, dude. There ain't got

no tolerance for that shit on these cogs

no more.

Pissed in the pot.

Whoever thought of me like this, dude,

this is like, spoil of all

spoils. This is good shit.

Look, I'm playing a band from

Africa right now. I'm not a racist.

This is excellent material, bro.

I have black friends.

And I don't know why that's a racist comment.

What's up with that?

Why is it racist to say I have black friends?

This will be our last McDonald's here, and then we'll get to our list of numbers.

All right.

I think this is going to ring out here, Milkman.

I don't think anyone will pick up.

Holy shit.

I take that back.

That's got to be the number.

You want to put your head in a paper bag and breathe in and out a little bit?

Oh, hell no, dude.

That's what they're laughing at.

All right.

Everyone, let's do some mentions here real quick before we move on with the show machine.

This is Madhouse Radio. I am Carlito, your host for our 14th season here, for a show of the 14th season.

That is Milkman over there speaking also. How are you, Milkman? How has your week been?

Howdy, howdy. I'm very highly pleased. I'm glad to be back and very glad to have all of our friends back out there.

I've read the word. The Hermione South and the Milkman Town, man, we're going to be making a regular scene.

that's right we're back right here we are back to doing weekly shows every thursday we're back

to doing it we're back in the saddle back in the saddle again um if uh and all right

if uh you want to listen to us and obviously you're listening to us but if you want to share

how to listen to us uh head over to madhouse live.com that's the website be sure to check

Check that out over at madhouselive.com.

You can also check out our links for things such as TuneIn,

so you can listen on your mobile device or on the web.

We've got shoutcast links there if you're still using that kind of machine.

Also, go over to YouTube, Madhouse Radio on YouTube.

That's our channel, my channel.

And I'm broadcasting live there right now, no music on that end.

So if you're confused and you're wondering why we're talking about music,

you have to go over to madhouselive.com for that.

but hey youtube uh i'm really this is this is like a last attempt at getting youtube live working

here i dropped uh the resolution of 720p and i dropped this to 30 fps i think it's more important

for us to be able to have a stable stream than you to be able to see me in super detail as long

as you can hear the calls and it's not jumping that's the plan so maybe 10 years from now when

i have more money or better internet i can get a nice crisp 1080p connection but for now i mean

And if we want to get some more of our militia member upgrades to the account,

I might help extend them, obviously, without your help.

Right.

So I'm looking at all you on YouTube now, Brian C. and Arne Carr and Jiffy Goof.

If you can tell me, is it doing that every five seconds?

It hiccups?

If you can let me know whether or not it's doing that shit again, I would highly appreciate it.

Let me know, please.

Much appreciated.

All right.

Thank you.

We've got our feedback team out there.

Excellent.

hopefully it's not

moving right along

on Twitter

you can follow me

on Twitter

at Madhouse

on Twitter

or at Madhouse

and then Facebook

Madhouse.live

yes Milkman

go ahead

I apologize

last week

I got caught off guard

I neglected

to thank our buddy

Parkman

that's right

all this hell

my brother

Parkman

apologize

and

I did not

mean to neglect

anybody

and anybody else

out there

well it happens

man don't worry too much about it uh i gotta get used to doing this dude man i haven't had

shorts on for a while hey all right now look and i just want to mention now now in the youtube chat

scary larry saying if they remove diet coke the fats would riot i don't understand how people

anyone could prefer diet coke over coke zero it's just so fucking vile i get like an instant

aftertaste and i have to brush my teeth to get that taste of aspartame out of my mouth i don't

get that with Coke Zero. Coke Zero tastes more

like regular Coke. It's like diet

Dr. Pepper. It does taste more like it.

Yes, it does. Why would anyone

prefer Diet Coke over that? It's definitely got more

of a medical taste for Diet Coke.

Yeah. Medical taste.

Yeah, yeah. It's just chemicals. I mean, this

shit was made in the 80s. Yeah, it's got more

of a medicinal taste and a real sweetness.

Just chemicals. The thing with Coke Zero

is they actually took the Coke,

the Coca-Cola formula,

and stripped out the sugar

and the corn syrup and

and substituted it with stuff to emulate the sugar and the consistency of sugar,

whereas Diet Coke, it's not even the Coke formula in any form.

It's a completely different formulation that they came up with back in the 20, 30 years ago.

So, hello, the future of Coke products.

Why am I even talking about this?

I have a Coke Zero obsession.

I'm a big fan of the Coke Zero 400 race every July.

What was that?

Anyway.

Remember?

Do what now?

The jokey-ass sweet Coke they came out with back in, like, the 80s or late 70s.

Oh, right.

New Coke you're talking about.

New Coke.

That's what it was.

New fit.

That's right.

Fit.

That's right.

New fit for a bottle.

The Bill Cosby Coke.

Yeah.

I was a kid.

I remember watching, like, seeing the commercial in my grandparents' house where the president

of Coke came out, the CEO, and he was like, we've made a decision.

We're going to have original recipe, original formula Coke, classic, and then we're going

going to have the new coke and we're going to figure this out and i remember the taste test and

in grocery stores and shit like that you know and all that crap yeah i mean to this day but that's

right about the time that diet coke came out right the formula we got now and i'm trying to get at

was like that whole fucked up taste that started they were coming out with stayed with us but

that new piss went away i don't know i don't i'm a little too young and i remember that

i remember cherry coke came out when i was in the first grade because we had a

We had an event that we did.

It's so stupid.

That's new.

Cherry, Coke, and Vanilla is a lot new.

Well, Cherry came out in 86.

It was for the 100th year.

I remember, for a matter of fact, the Coca-Cola company came to us and said,

if you guys do a presentation for the 100th anniversary of Coca-Cola,

we'll give you all this money.

So they had us all doing these Coca-Cola events at the school.

Such a waste of funds, and we should have been learning.

And instead we're learning, we're doing this sugar water bullshit.

But I remember Cherry Coke came out that year because it was the 100th anniversary of the company.

So, yeah.

I remember when Cherry Coke came out.

I remember I had my first one at the Osteen, the gas station in Osteen, Florida.

I picked it up.

That's crazy.

It's really 86, dude.

I mean, I remember that like yesterday.

86, maybe.

I mean, first grade, either 86 or 87, one of the two.

Choose your poison.

Much later than that, dude.

No, no.

No, I swear.

Dude, all right.

We're going to find out right now.

Well, okay.

You're right, though.

That's right.

Because the new piss came out around that time.

So I think they brought that up as kind of like a makeup for the new bits, right, with the Cherry Coke.

And we're going to find out.

What year did Cherry Coke come out?

You know, I'm sure the Internet would straighten it out.

Oh, it came out in 1985, Milkman, 1985.

Okay.

I'm sure the Internet would straighten it out.

I know they're all really close in that era, especially the new Coke, the Diet Coke.

Diet Coke was in 1982.

So there's your answer there.

Let's see.

I want to know when Sprite came out, the Black People Coke.

What year did Sprite come out?

1961 is Sprite.

Wow, I didn't know Sprite had been out that long.

Well, Sprite was a competitor, you know, for 7-Up.

It was developed, well, actually, according to this,

it was developed in West Germany in 1959 as Fanta Clear.

Clear Lemon Phantom was introduced to the U.S.

under the current brand name Sprite in 1961 as a competitor to 7-Up.

As Milkman said, thank you, Milkman.

You were correct, you get a gold star.

Yeah, 7-Up was old, dude, to the man.

The reason I remember this shit is my grandma had a station when I was a kid.

And back when I was a kid, man, this was old days.

They had all the old returnable bottles still.

They had candy bars and candies for a nickel and penny candies.

I mean, all kinds of shit.

My grandma had the coolest store.

I could go out there and eat.

Had like the chocolate milks in the returnable bottles too.

Chocolate juice?

Yeah.

No, it wasn't.

No, it was called brownie.

It was kind of like Yoo-Hoo, but way better than Yoo-Hoo.

because it kind of like had like real milk

or had like something like real milk

and they call it brownie.

Yeah, I'll tell you,

I'll be honest with you though,

that fucking Yoo-Hoo is nasty, man.

It's not even milk.

It's like milk whey byproducts.

It's a byproduct of milk.

It's an imitation of brownie.

Brownie had like real milk in it.

I mean, you shook this shit up,

the chocolate in it, man.

It was good, man.

But you're talking like 60s, okay?

So brownie would probably be late 50s.

I mean, I don't even know if it made it to the 70s.

It was that old.

This was back when they had,

back under the lid,

you'd pop the lid

it had cork underneath of it

I remember when they

started putting plastic

and shit right

and they started having

writing and stuff

under there right

and all these

concepts and shit

but they used to have

cork under them

and have a bottle opener

yeah cork

and you ate the cork

did you put it up your ass

no no no no man

you could make like

necklaces and rings

out of them

all kinds of shit

damn her

come on music play

do you like anchovies

I like it in a Caesar salad

Salad, not a pizza.

Yeah.

Couple slices.

I don't like them real whole, but a little bit.

Salty mustard.

It tastes like someone ejaculated on it, right?

That sounds nasty.

We'll be opening up the phone lines in a little bit here.

We got a couple voicemail to play.

That is the way you say plural voicemail is voicemail.

You've reached the voicemail.

Call her back.

Please leave your name.

This is President Blatter, brother.

I'm telling you what.

That shit did a number.

That's a good one.

Yeah, I could barely hear that, you know, like you were saying.

Man, back in the day, that would have been real, like,

you know?

Right.

Really rude and annoying.

Yeah.

My torch died.

I can't use it anymore.

I don't know why.

I tried cleaning it.

I tried filling it.

I bled it.

I bled it of gas.

What kind?

You talking about, like, butane?

Yeah, butane, propane.

Propane.

I told you to get a propane.

Get a propane one.

Butane, propane, whatever the fuck you're filling.

No, butane and propane are different.

Get a propane one.

Yeah, I know the hydrogen.

They had a fucking problem with that hydrogen shit.

Hello, thank you for choosing Pizza Don's partner.

My name's Andy.

Is this going to be for delivery or carryout?

Well, first of all, why am I on the website and all I see is Diet Pepsi?

What's up with that?

You can't find?

Yeah, because I want a different diet drink.

What's going on?

Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi, Diet Sprite, Diet Pepsi Max, Pepsi Max, Pepsi Max, Diet Pepsi Max.

And all we have is Diet Pepsi, sir.

All right, so your driver can stop at the gas station on the way, the Shell station.

They have Diet Pepsi Max 2 for 3, 2 liters, and I'll give him five bucks when he gets here.

Five.

All right, what's your name, sir?

My name is Horace.

Horace.

Horace?

Yeah, Horace.

Okay.

All right, I'll go ahead and give that driver a call and see if I can get in touch with him, okay?

All right, you going to call me back?

All right.

What's a good number I can call you back at?

Are you ready?

Which one?

Yep, we're ready.

All right.

Yeah.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

all right all right bye we'll

wait for him to call back got a caller caller you're on the air please be nice don't

be mean don't troll hello hello how you doing hi good who's this uh this is uh ian what's up

hey big ian how are you is that with an i yep how are you doing man i like that i like this

Does anyone ever call you Ian or anything?

Like, stupid?

Yeah, I get it from time to time, yeah.

Who doesn't know that, right?

Like, what are you?

Yeah, I get Ethan a lot, too.

Ethan?

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Ethan?

No, that's...

Yeah.

Let me start with the same letter.

Come on!

I know.

Some people are pretty stupid.

Some?

A lot of people are pretty stupid.

What do you got to say?

What's going on?

What are you eating tonight?

What do you have for dinner?

I'm probably going to get some bacon cheeseburger coming home.

Nice, nice.

You got a fast food, or you're going to go to a casual diner?

Family member is out at a restaurant, and they're bringing it home.

Oh, good, good fancy burger.

Yeah.

All right.

Good Wisconsin burger, yeah.

How do you feel about the craze about adding blue cheese to hamburgers?

I'm over it.

What about you?

I've had it once or twice, and I had it actually in Rapid City, South Dakota,

a couple weeks ago, and it was pretty good, but it was quite strong.

Yeah, it's a bit strong.

It's been overdone.

Bacon was like that for a while too

People just throwing bacon on everything

Bacon in your milk

Bacon in your fucking milkshakes

Bacon in your fucking water

Now it's blue cheese

Bacon in your fucking cupcake

Yeah blue cheese is good

If it's done right

If you're just going to throw blue cheese on my fucking sandwich

Or my burger or my pasta

Fuck you

But blue cheese

If you mix it with like some

Like I had a

I found a recipe for a hamburger with blue cheese

But you put fig preserves on it

fig jelly that was great the balance of the sourness and the sweet complemented each other

great that's how you do blue cheese but for other than that you're just adding fucking penicillin

you know i guess so man i get so mad iron you know it just really pisses me off man

fuck that's right yeah yeah hey you got any complaints anything i can do better um you do

a great job i was just gonna uh ask if you could do one of the elevator calls those are probably

my favorite i haven't heard one of those in a while elevator call stuck in an elevator so i

I would need to find a hotel.

I think we can do that.

Yeah, sure.

You want to stay and see if this works?

We'll keep it on the line and see if I can do one, all right?

All right, cool.

Can you hear the elevator going?

Yeah, I can hear it in the background, yeah.

All right.

Well, give me a minute.

I'm going to find a number.

You sit tight there, buddy.

I'll turn that off.

Let's see a nice hotel we can do here.

It's got to be a big one.

Milkman, how are you doing, man?

Milkman, say hi.

Okay, bye.

Thank you.

Oakman.

Yeah.

Yeah, the gentleman,

Ian is saying hi to you.

What's going on, man?

Oh, he said hi.

Hey, Jake.

Yeah.

Ian, Ethan.

Hey, buddy.

What's happening?

Where you at?

How much, man?

I'm in Wisconsin right now.

You're in Wisconsin?

What, you driving hell

all over the Midwest

there getting good food?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

You on the road working?

Um, no.

I'm going to be going

to college soon.

Oh, shit.

Oh, you're going to college?

Well, party down

while you got a little break,

buddy,

because you've got to buckle up and get your head on straight, man.

Go in there with about 110% switched on, you know what I'm saying?

You're going to a four-year school, two-year?

What's your plan?

You've got a major?

I'm going into my senior year of high school,

and I plan to go two years at a college here in Wisconsin

and transfer to Oklahoma for meteorology.

Okay.

Meteorology.

Wow, that's nice.

I should have done that.

I'm always into the weather.

I knew some, actually.

A couple of those guys, man, and that's a good one to have

Because whether a man or a dino fucking does, a meteorologist guy, you'll have a job, you know.

Don't go to bullshit, man.

All your forecasts, use the internet and everything.

Yeah, because I worked in television for years.

Please hold.

And the next available room...

Hello?

Hi, thank you.

Thank you for calling.

I'm in Hollywood in Las Vegas.

I need help.

Hello?

I'm in the elevator.

Oh, you're in the elevator?

Yeah.

It doesn't...

I had to get on top of the elevator and it's moving.

it wasn't going and now it's stuck like i'm stuck up top and i'm going up and down up and down

inside the hotel you're inside the hotel uh-huh okay and your name please my name is kulo how

do you spell that a-c-u-l-o okay just a moment sir okay help help please okay um hold on i'm

gonna send security there okay well put them on the phone i need to give them instructions come on

Okay, hold on.

What's the extension of security there?

What?

I don't know, stupid.

Please hold, and we'll be with you shortly.

Like Total Rewards on Facebook,

and follow us on Twitter for the latest updates and special offers.

See, the thing is, I can't start with the elevator running.

If I'm stuck, right?

That's where I got it.

Must be 21 or older.

That's where I got it.

No one to stop before you start.

Obviously.

Circuits are busy now.

Please try your call again later.

Or you could just say it won't stop going.

Like it won't stop you want to open it just keeps going up and down. Yeah, thank you for this whole why I'm in the elevator

It won't go we can't go. Oh my god. Yes, the elevator won't go. Hello

I'm in the elevator and watch out with his music on the YouTube big fucking problem. Copyright strike

Yeah, yeah, if we talk over it, we'll be okay. We gotta keep talking, you know, we're making put making our own music over it

That helps too sometimes. Yeah

calling a different one here god what if it really wasn't an elevator

you know you went through the floor panel and you're hanging on underneath the elevator

i mean how long are you supposed to be hanging on underneath i'm white knuckling at this good

afternoon thanks for calling i'm stuck in the elevator i'm stuck in the elevator you're stuck

in the elevator god damn it who is this piece of shit elevator fucking shit elevator okay where

Where are you located?

I don't know.

I'm in there.

Get me out.

Get out of here.

I'm going to kick it.

Warren?

Damn it.

Sir, what elevator are you in?

Damn it.

Oh, I don't know what it is.

Are you, what building are you in?

Are you in the Spa Tower or the Palms Tower?

Not the big tower.

The big tower.

I don't know.

I just got here.

I don't know.

The main area where you check in?

I guess.

Okay.

We will have someone there to you shortly, okay?

I said don't go.

Please don't go.

Okay.

Please.

Just give me one moment to call somebody.

Send them, send them, send them, send them!

You still there, sir?

Yeah.

Okay, is it just you in the elevator?

Is there anyone else with you?

I opened the top of the elevator.

You opened the top of the elevator?

I'm going to get up there.

Don't do that, sir.

Hang on, hang on.

I'm going to put the...

I've got the cell phone.

I'm on my cell phone.

Give me a sec.

Yeah, don't go through the top of the elevator, sir.

Hang on.

I got it, I got it.

All right.

Sir?

I'm here, I'm here.

I made it.

I'm on top.

So what do I do from here?

There's a box.

there's a box inside the elevator there's a box there's a red wire that says main

and a blue wire that says number four yeah sir we have somebody on the way to the elevator

hang on hang on oh shit uh i think oh oh shit okay all right okay all right okay all right

okay all right okay all right i'm going back in i'm going back in learn my lesson i'm going back

it hang on hello are you there i went back in i don't know it started like electrical noises

started yeah just stay where you are sir we have somebody coming to check i think i fixed it i mean

it's i think it's going there it's asking for floor push one one push one okay it's not nothing

no what now what do i do now we just wait right there sir we've got someone on the way

it's doing it again should i go back up there and uncross those cables that i crossed no don't

Hang on, I got it. I'll be right back.

Alright, I'm here.

I got it. It's going.

It's going?

But I'm on top. I'm on top. Oh, shit.

What do you mean you're on top?

Oh, shit. Hang on, hang on. I got it, I got it, I got it.

I got it, I got it. I'm going to jump.

What are you doing?

Hang on, I got it, I got it.

What do you got?

I'm going to get off.

Is it moving?

What floor is the casino on?

It's on ground floor, one over one.

There we are. I'm in. I'm in the casino. Yeah.

Yeah.

You're in the casino or you're in the lobby?

Well, I see the casino from here.

I'm on top of the elevator.

You're on top of the elevator?

Yeah.

I just went by the casino floor.

Now I'm going, it's going back up now.

Okay.

Can you make this stop?

I don't like it up here.

It's kind of scary.

You don't?

How about this?

How about if I have you talk to security?

Come on.

Nine?

Yeah, sure.

Okay, how about if I have you speak to them?

Why?

Well, then they can find out where you're at.

Now, is the elevator moving?

where are you going now i don't know there's people getting in the elevator i think hang on

hello hey hey sir sir sir they're not paying it they're acting like they don't hear me but yeah

i'm on the top i'm on the elevator you're in the elevator on the elevator on it yeah i took out the

panel up top where the light was and i crawled up there to fix where are you located which hotel

in the elevator shaft i don't know which hotel are you in the um here in reno in reno yeah and

Ben, how did you get this number?

Well, I had it when I was going to check it.

And you're in Reno?

Yeah.

I'm going to have you speak with security, sir, okay?

Hurry up!

And are you stuck? Because you said it opened, so why are you still in the elevator?

Well, I'm still up here.

Where up here?

On top of the elevator.

You're on top of the elevator. How did you get on top of the elevator?

I took out the panel and I crawled up here. Remember, I was splicing...

You took out the panel and you crawled up there.

And I spliced the cable.

And you spliced the cable.

And it started working.

I used to repair...

And it started to work.

I used to repair elevator machines.

You used to repair elevators.

Elevator machines.

Okay, so why can't you go back into the elevator?

Elevator machines.

Do you want me to go back in?

Well, if it's working, go back in the elevator and then get out.

Oh, that's a great idea.

You said it opened up to the casino.

That's a good idea.

That's a good idea?

Yeah.

All right, hang on.

Give me a second.

It just is going to...

I think it stopped.

Hey, it stopped.

All right, good.

We're not moving anymore.

Oh, shit.

I think I got it from here.

Fantastic.

That's good.

All right.

All right, you're out of the elevator then?

Yeah, can you send room service?

You would have to call room service directly from your room.

Can you transfer me?

What is your room number, sir?

I'm in the elevator.

Well, do you have a room here with us?

Maybe, I don't know.

The elevator's stuck right now.

You just said you got out.

Yeah, but the door isn't open.

Well, then you're not out of the elevator, then.

You're still in there.

Well, I'm not on top of the elevator.

What's your room number so I can help locate where you are?

Is it on my key somewhere, the key card?

Yes, it would be on the envelope that you got to check in.

I think I have to go up top again

You left it up on top of the elevator

Yeah, I think so, either that or it's in my room

What's your last name, sir?

Horse

Like the animal horse?

I don't have you registered here staying with us

Maybe I just have the wrong, what is this, a hotel?

Yes

Do you think it's the wrong hotel, maybe?

Maybe, what hotel are you staying at?

The Reno

Yes, this is not Reno, sir

I thought you were in Reno, you said

We are not, we're in Las Vegas

Oh shit

I got the wrong hotel this whole time

Well this has been a crazy adventure

Definitely has

Yeah

This has been a super fun crazy adventure

Definitely

Hey when I come to Vegas though

I'll look you up

You do that

You have a great night

Up your skirt

Bye bye

Up your skirt I'm going to look

I hope she doesn't have panties

Yeah

Prank call

Are you happy now Ian?

Are you happy?

Yeah I'm still here

That was a really great call

That was great

That was an excellent call there, Mohamed.

Mohamed?

All right, thanks.

I like the little Ali Sheffley thing in there.

Yeah, thanks.

Ian, I'm going to clear the line.

Thank you for joining.

Thanks for your suggestion.

Do you have any other messages you need to give out?

Any secret coded messages?

Yeah, Bon showed.

And I just wanted to say one thing.

Yesterday, I was about 20 feet below ground in a storm drain tunnel.

And there was a manhole cover.

And I was just able to get out a call.

and i made a band showed call and got a joke oh yeah so that was pretty cool good work man good

all right take take it to them because they're looking to get their asses kicked to those indians

all right man i'll see you thanks for calling in don't be a stranger call back out there buddy

yeah watch out for the manholes remember that gay line the manhole that we used to prank call not

us but zolar and those types of people will call anyway his his his line is now open if you want

want to call in the mouth line 405-396-6884 once again that's 405 39 mouth if you want to call in

and harass me and milkman and talk about how i'm gonna die i know you guys hate me no we want

we've got nice people out there we're not you know

things we're offering this society improvements right we're trying to fix menus around the world

we're trying to bring back

code zero

get to the bottom

of that mess

get at least some answers

right

why'd they do this to us

right

I mean you know

hey remember

the squeaky wheel

always gets the dream

so how you gonna

do any change

unless you complain

right

if they just decide

black people

or whatever

you know

like Sprite

and make that decision

randomly

you know

I mean that's not fair

to society

we should have some input

look that was a joke

we should get out

of that code zero

that was a joke

that I stole from

Saturday Night Live

in all honesty. Full disclosure.

But it's true. Come on. Those are day-like

things. Milkman, I want

to play a voicemail here. A voicemail

that was left during the week. You can call that number

I just gave out, 405-39

66884

during the week, during non-show

times. You can leave a voicemail.

Here's a quick voicemail. Someone

left. Let's see.

Love you guys. Love you, Milkman.

Hey, Carlito.

It's Carl

calling you again.

um long time listener blah blah blah you know the drill love you guys love you milkman um hey man

uh for new listeners can you do us a favor or not us but can you do new listeners a favor

and on your website can you put like a schedule when you anticipate the broadcast like we know

now that it's every thursday that you go live but usually i just get a pleasant surprise when i'm

listening to the phone machine radio station and all of a sudden you guys are live but you guys

can put a schedule on there man that'd be dope um awesome also give a shout out to your patreon

tomorrow on the show i'm gonna sign up and be a horse so uh yeah but give a shout out some more

people know that that's out there all right man stay cool talk to you later all right good thanks

Thanks, Big Carl.

Carl, give us two things I want to touch on,

and these are two things that I've thought about internally.

Number one, most of the shows out there that do Patreon,

they like to give a shout-out to a Patreon sponsor every show,

and I should start doing that.

I will go with MST3Clay because, according to Patreon,

I'm looking at right now, he's been the longest Patreon supporter

and has contributed the most money.

I think he's the longest one.

so mst3 clay he's a great guy i consider him a friend and he's a funny guy and a great artist

and he's been a friend for a long time yeah yeah thank you clay yeah big clay it's here for clay

also yeah i need to get on the website i need to put down that we're back thursday night and

looks like this is permanent uh thursday night 7 p.m eastern 4 p.m pacific we're some kind of a

a stub in there that like puts it in your google calendar like you add it to you and all you got

to do is click on that your page and then on on our page good idea and then it adds serve to our

calendar an ical link so that yeah people get you can click on it and it gives adds it to your

calendar as a recurring so that you get it we got a standing a date right you know you can just put

one fixed date in there right you know i've got a fixed date and schedule right now oh hey people

remember that by the way that reminds me i do have a uh there's about a 70 chance i can't do

a show next week i'm sorry i may do one friday instead friday night to make up but looks like

thursday night uh 70 chance no show i apologize i know we're just getting into the weekly stuff

but i have a work obligation that i forgot to schedule that for not thursday so now or not

Not early Friday, so you're going to have to maybe not do it next week.

So I am going to miss them maybe every once every two months.

I might miss one here and there.

But for the most part, we're back to weekly shows.

Anyway, all hope is unlocked.

I'll make it up.

I know.

Here we go.

I know everyone's going to see it.

Okay, buddy.

Yeah, patreon.com forward slash madhouse.

Help us out.

you can donate a dollar and you get access

to the instant showreel via Dropbox

you get an invite to

the email address you use on Patreon

to the Dropbox

account rather to the Dropbox

folder that you get subscribed to

you get access to that and as soon as the show ends

it uploads

my computer here uploads an mp3

of that night's unedited show

so if you missed the live show

or if you just want to hear it without being

edited you want to hear all the music and all the

the contents all the field calls all the bullshit it's there untouched you get a nice copy via

dropbox immediately after the show's over you'll be able to hear it tomorrow morning you don't have

to wait for me to upload it edit it and all that shit um also people were asking about youtube

we used to have that prank calls of the week a weekly youtube that was that week's prank calls

the best ones edited in a 15 to 20 minute video uh that is coming back that didn't happen with

last week's show because unfortunately the quality of the audio wasn't up to par enough

where i wanted to upload that so hopefully this week we'll have some more good calls

and i'll be able to create uh prank calls of the week we'll be back to doing that weekly so

you'll have that option that'll come out um also some people are asking yes the podcasts are going

to come out weekly they're going to be updated weekly regularly but i am not going to release

them super quick i want to give the patreon subscribers uh as a benefit for helping out

i want them to be able to enjoy it before everyone else so patreon subscribers get the

access to the unedited show and to the edited podcast uh i think what i might do we'll do

shows on thursday and then by that next tuesday that tuesday morning uh the following tuesday

morning that's when that show will be edited and posted online for everyone to hear of course

would be give or take a day but just so that it was a benefit so yes the shows will come out weekly

but if you want to get them really super quick consider giving me giving us a dollar a month

and hey if you have a circumstance if you're like under 18 or if you're a big fan or you're going

through some shit right now and you can't afford it just seriously and then a lot of people out

there can tell you hit me up in the chat rooms or on email or call the show or send a voicemail

and i'll probably hook you up with a free invite don't tell everyone i said that because everyone

Everyone would be like, Carl, you hooked me up with that free shit.

But, yeah, some people, like, I've had people come up, message me and say,

like, hey, man, I can't donate.

I just lost my job.

Sorry, I'll donate when I can.

I say, hey, don't worry about it.

I'm going to keep you.

I really don't.

Unless you're abusing the system, I'm not going to take you out of the drop box.

So literally all you literally have to do is donate a dollar once,

and for all intents and purposes, you'll be able to stay in there.

If you upgrade the $5, you become a horse member,

which is what Carl there was talking about,

and then you get access to a Discord channel that we use here for Madhouse Radio people only.

It's not really used that much, but hopefully in the future more people will get in there.

Anyway, I'm diverging.

If you want to chat today, by the way, with us, with me, I'm in there.

All the fans are in there right now.

If you want to join a chat room while the show is live or any other time during Dwight McClanahan's show, etc.,

discord.gg forward slash pranks.

That is the Discord chat room that's run by Palindrome, the Hijinx Pranks chat.

Discord.gg forward slash pranks.

Milkman, you have a standing invitation from Palindrome to get with him so that he can help you get in there.

He's been asking me.

What is it, man?

I don't even know what you're talking about.

Exactly.

I'm completely behind the times.

We'll figure it out.

We're going to get you in there so you can chat.

I'm still stuck on Gort, okay, B?

Well, you got to get out of that Gort, man.

They got bought out by Google and they're shit now.

all right so anyway the i think someone was calling and i was talking shit i'm sorry if

anyone else wants to call in or if that was you who was trying to call in 405-396-6884 that's 405

39 mouth uh yeah and while we do that let's uh let's uh you want to do another we can do i can

do another elevator car though milkman i mean hell jack baxter could be in the elevator right

i like how that one went down that one's pretty good man you got the rope-a-dope going you did

You dolly shuffled, dude.

You fucking, like, you bowed out gracefully.

In fact, you're an excellent tunnel, bro.

Thanks, man.

Thanks.

I try.

You know, I really do try.

You didn't have to fucking piss her off and kick her in the nuts to get her off the line, dude.

You probably laughed about it, too, because she's in a different place.

Yeah, we got a caller.

Caller, you're on Madhouse Radio.

Please don't be mean and troll me.

Hello?

Hey, Carlito.

It's Ethan.

E-T-H-A-N.

Hey, Ian.

How you doing?

Ethan, I'm sorry.

How you doing, buddy?

Thanks for sending in numbers.

I got some numbers.

That's right.

You sent me numbers.

I saw those come in.

How you been?

How was your week been?

Good, man.

Just working.

How about yourself?

Same, same.

It's stressful, but it's money, you know.

I can't complain.

Exactly.

Yeah.

You know me.

You got to make the trains go.

Oh, shit, yeah.

I don't have my choo-choo train whistle.

I got to find that motherfucker.

Shit.

I'm getting ready to do another elevator call as Jack Masterson.

I guess we're bringing Jack back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right.

If you want to hang in there for a second.

How's that motherfucker Milkman?

Milkman, how is he? Tell us.

How the hell are you? Who am I talking to?

This is Ethan from last week. Remember Ethan? Talked to us last week. He sent in numbers.

Ethan last week. Hey, buddy. How's it going, buddy?

Last week's Ethan.

Hey, what's up, man?

What's going on?

All right, man. Welcome back, man. You ready to get some more, huh?

Every week, man.

All righty, man. Good to hear you, bro.

Yes, sir.

Afternoon. Thank you for calling the Reno.

I'm in the elevator.

Who is this?

I'm in the elevator.

This is Jack.

I'm in the elevator.

You're in the elevator?

Yeah, I'm still in the elevator.

It doesn't go.

Yeah, the elevator's out of order.

How did you get in the elevator?

Well, I hit the button.

Did it open?

It opened, and now it doesn't go.

Which floor are you on?

I have no idea.

Help.

And why you don't put a sign that says it's not working?

Well, you did have a sign on the elevator.

No, there wasn't.

God damn it.

Damn it.

Get the shit out.

You need to know which floor are you on.

I DON'T KNOW THIS SHIT! LOOK!

Well, we'll have somebody come up and check the floors, but we don't know...

Let me out! Don't go! Don't go! Stay on the floor with me!

And I'm gonna smoke a cigarette while I'm in here. I don't care. I don't give a shit.

I don't care. I was going outside to smoke a cigarette. I'm gonna smoke it right here.

What is your last name, sir, so we know which floor you're on?

I'm not staying here. I was meeting someone here. You're not gonna find me.

So you're not a guest here, but...

I'm meeting someone here. I'm a gentleman caller. Go.

Go.

You're a gentleman caller?

Yes.

What is that supposed to mean?

I'm a lady's gentleman caller.

Get me out.

You tell them to shut up and get me out.

Hurry up, let's go.

Well, we need to know where you are first, sir.

In the elevator.

I mean, how do you not know?

I'm in the elevator.

There's glass all over here now.

Well, our elevators aren't glass, sir.

Well, I brought glass with me.

I was breaking it.

I had soda bottles.

So you broke a bunch of glass in the elevator.

I was trying to open the door.

God damn it.

Get me out.

Someone's checking the floors right now.

Get me out.

Where are they?

I'm going to climb up top.

Come out.

I'm climbing up top.

I'm getting up top.

Getting up top.

Shut up.

Give me a second.

Okay.

There's a box here and there's cables in it.

Somebody's coming up to check to see which floor you're on so we can figure out where you are.

Do I push this button?

Service, so it's not going to work.

Well, I'm on top of the elevator and I see the circuit breaker box.

You're on top of the elevator.

Yeah, I can push this button here.

Oh, shit.

All right.

I turned it off.

That probably wasn't a good idea. I don't know. The lights all came on now.

I have no idea what you're doing, sir. You're not supposed to be climbing on the elevator shaft.

The lights came on.

Oh, I think it's turned on now.

Hang on, let me get back down. Holy shit.

Yeah, you know, I think this is the prank call because you're not even calling from the hotel.

I'm on my cell phone. No, you're right. I'm using the hotel phone that's in the elevator. Stupid shit.

Well, it's not showing that it's coming from the elevator.

You can tell by GPS and where I'm at?

I can tell on the phone.

It shows.

I am in the elevator.

I'm not on the elevator phone.

Well, somebody's checking.

I'm on my cell phone.

Damn it.

Okay, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right.

I'm not in the elevator now.

I'm not in the elevator.

You're lying, sir.

I know you're lying.

I'm not in the elevator.

See, look.

I got out.

I fixed the elevator.

Yay.

All right, that's the act.

We got it.

All right.

maybe maybe it should be getting too crazy with that spicing the cables and stuff holy shit

there now ethan and milkman don't push the button no more don't push that big button

do not touch 220 volts that button will fuck you up man you hear it it's got like yeah

three-phase power going shit yeah you gotta electrocute yourself to get off a call or

something jesus i muted myself uh right when you started the call and i was glad i did because i

I was dying when you played, like, the glass-breaking sound.

You were screaming.

I was awesome.

Carry on.

Kicking.

I'm trying to shit on myself.

I got to get out.

Throw them bottles.

I brought soda bottles with me.

Glass bottles of soda.

Like, you can find those anywhere.

I just pissed my pants.

I got these Mexican Coke bottles with the real sugar in them.

I'm Jack Masterson.

Hey, before you get to it, I was looking in the paper again for your numbers,

And that same ad, Brad's Odd Jobs, came up.

So hopefully you can try them again.

Let me see.

Let me do a Control-F for that.

Brad.

Brad's Odd Jobs.

Okay.

All right.

See if you can call from a local number because last time we didn't pick up.

All right.

Let me work on that.

Yeah, I guess every time I see that freaking ad, I start dying in laughter just from that

one guy in Tennessee.

That was great.

Tree work, stump grinding on site.

That's that Brad's Odd Jobs?

Is that the number?

Yeah.

got it yeah all right just a moment while i set the crawler id be right back step in the other

room thanks everyone for uh you know listening tonight i hope the show is entertaining i hope

the quality is sound and such is better than last week sounds better man feedback pretty same uh we

got big chris who uh just became a horse member thank you big chris on the patreon much appreciated

your call cannot be completed as dialed please check the number well you know when i just dialed

the area code maybe i give it out but i just have the area code it kind of doesn't work

carlos once again that's discord.gg forward slash pranks for the discord channel listening

to a little bit of bad bad not good 2015 album called for ika iv baddest man in the whole damn

I'll give him another call in a second.

All right.

I think we got a voicemail here.

Let's see what this is about.

Hey, Carlito.

Love the show.

Just wanted to know what kind of equipment do you use?

Like, I see all the buttons and everything,

and I just want to know what kind of, like, switchboard is that?

Anyway, I appreciate it.

Thanks for coming back.

I just started listening to your show again,

Again, like all the old episodes on Madhouse Radio on the website.

So, appreciate what you're doing and keep doing it.

Look forward to all these live shows.

Thanks again.

Bye.

Hey, thanks, man.

I'm using, I mean, if you're looking at the video now,

I'm pointing at my iPad that has a soundboard app on there.

It got loaded up with like 100-something sounds from, you know, stuff like that.

Would you consider doing a...

That was a real one there.

Yeah, that was a real one.

Do you want to do it like Brad did?

Yeah, I will do that.

He's got a seat microphone.

Yeah, I will do that.

I got a Behringer mixer.

This is a 1204 USB.

Over here, I've had this for about two years.

And over here, this is the new mini mixer that handles just the telephone mix.

And this is a Behringer Xenix 502.

It's a little shitty.

I don't like this one that much.

I got it on eBay, and then I realized I could have gotten a brand new one for the same exact price.

on amazon and i should have done that because you know the minute i picked it up it's sort of buzzing

yeah and then i got i got computer here computer here computer here another computer here camera

camera there's a bunch i'm gonna do a tour like he like ethan said i'll do a tour uh what was i on

what was i doing here before i got on that train oh shit i was gonna call that you're stuck in the

elevator am i still stuck in the elevator am i still stuck in that motherfucker i'm gonna call

I'm going to call Brad again.

That's what it was.

Here we go.

I got it.

Do they give you enough numbers?

Do you need more?

Is that good?

No, this is good.

Between this and Parkman's and then me just throwing darts at Google Maps, it should be

good.

We're already due.

God damn it.

It's 8.20 p.m. already.

We're almost halfway through the show.

Break starts in 40 minutes.

Damn.

It goes fast.

Most guys are motherfuckers.

It really is.

We've reached Brad's hot job.

We will get back to you as soon as possible.

Thanks.

Yes.

All right.

We'll do a different one then.

Let me go here.

Moving sale all weekend.

Alabia has a moving sale.

All right.

Let's call Alabia.

I'm going to call her that.

I guess her name is Aaliyah.

It's Aaliyah.

Something like that.

Aaliyah.

Not like Aaliyah the singer.

The late singer.

The guy in the plane crash.

I don't know if you guys can see it, but I got some artwork.

I haven't hung it yet, but I got a movie poster for the Jerky Boys movie over here.

I got an MF Doom poster here I got to get framed up to.

to an automatic voice message system nine those are gonna go behind me so you'll be able to see

those on camera i got a rage against the machine concert poster featuring special guest wu-tang

clan from august 29th 1997 i did not it was in chicago uh but august 29th 97 i know for fact

is the day i moved out for college when i was uh 18 so it has a significant day for me don't ask

me how i know that day for sure it's a significant all right it's significant because it's my best

Best friend's birthday.

It was his birthday when we were roommates.

Awesome.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, let's go back to the list.

Someone will answer, I'm sure.

Someone will answer.

96 Chrysler sedan runs good.

Thank God.

You know Chryslers are pieces of shit.

Dude, old Chryslers are pieces of shit.

They make so much fucking noise.

My mom had a 1982, well, that was a Chevy.

Never mind.

I don't know what I'm talking about.

Never mind.

Anything that's new, anything that's new in the 60s sucks.

Well, anything in the 80s, early 90s sucks, but the newer shit holds up pretty well, man.

Yeah, anything after the 60s.

In the 60s, Chrysler were bad as fucking balls.

I think most cars for the last five, six years, maybe, are pretty reliable for the most part.

I think we've gotten to that point.

Yeah, they're all electronic, computerized bullshit, all plastic.

I mean you know

you barely even

bump a fucking

bumper or something

on it

the whole fucking

computer system

locks the car down

I mean you're fucked

let's put vacuum

on your car

Milkman's got a

laptop with vacuum

tubes in it

apparently

he lives in the past

his car's carbureted

I drive

I drive these

fuckers all the time

dude but like

you know

I much prefer

something with less

garbage on it

you know

you don't have to

fucking pay so much

money for it

Milkman's the only

Uber driver with a

catalytic converter

in his car

Fuck Uber, dude.

I got mine.

You're the only taxi man with a cab.

Hey, speaking of Milkman, I got really worried.

I read an article today that a 72-year-old man in Berkeley got killed by two teenagers.

I was like, holy shit, Milkman.

Thank God you picked up the phone.

Did you see that story?

It hit national news.

I don't know if you heard about it.

What the fuck?

Dude, that wasn't me, man.

Thank God.

You sure?

No, no, it wasn't me, man.

You know, my scooter moves pretty damn fast.

There's no Uber guy I could ever catch up with this.

Please leave your message for...

Damn, my numbers really suck this week.

It happens.

It's me.

I'm the number looks guy.

Yes.

I'm not sure, but that room for rent I sent you might be the same one from last week that crazy lady.

I can't remember.

I saw the ad again today.

All right.

Pass on this.

I think people are afraid to answer on their phone.

Please leave your message for...

That is the worst voicemail.

Yeah, was he fucking driving down the highway in his car with the window open recording his voicemail?

I got to set those up now.

I just bought those at the mall.

Man.

Milkman, when's the last time you've been to a mall?

Shopping mall.

Oh.

Been a while?

Been a minute?

Can't remember?

Went in the one where they bought a Mother's Day card.

Okay.

You bought a Mother's Day card?

A Carlito.

Yeah.

Yes.

Go ahead.

Yeah.

I'm going to go take a shit, so I'll let you guys get to it.

All right.

Thanks.

We'll clear the line.

Thank you for joining.

Thanks for the numbers.

I'm going to keep down.

I'll keep listening, but I don't...

Good deal.

I'll keep listening, but I don't think you want your homemade toilet.

All right.

See you later, buddy.

Later.

His line is clear now.

If you want to dial in, 405-966-884, 405-3966-884.

Take his place.

Hello?

You got room for rent?

The woman's not here right now.

The room isn't there?

Where's the room?

The woman's not here right now, I said.

Oh, was she out drinking?

You're an asshole.

Hey, you're a bitch.

That is the guy.

Because he was the first one to pick up and then the woman did after.

I bet you he'll pick up if I call him.

We got an incoming caller, but I'm going to call this first.

Hang on.

Don't call the incoming caller.

Hang in there.

Incoming caller.

All right.

I'll connect you.

Hello?

Yeah.

Hey.

Do you have the room for rent?

I have somebody that's put a down payment on it.

What?

Who the hell are you?

How big are your labia?

Well, you'll never know.

Do you know what that is?

You don't even know.

All right.

Ah, it's here for her.

That's her.

The drunk lady who's not drunk.

We have a caller.

Caller, you're on the air.

Please don't be mean.

What's up?

Hey, Carlito.

How you doing?

Good.

Hey, what's up?

I called you last week.

I'm the guy from New Zealand.

What's up, New Zealand?

Hey.

Good to have you back on, man.

Yeah, that's cool, dude, man.

He's all right.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we were talking, and then you had technical issues, and then...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, all right.

What's up, man?

I wanted to ask you a question, though.

What's up?

there's a sound effect that you play where there's like a banging noise a screaming dog

and then a guy moaning in pain what's the story behind that

yeah that's that's from the third jerky boys album the fourth one it's a prank call called

saul's chainsaw shock if i'm correct and it's okay yeah it's their incoming calls to the jerky

boys and saw picks up and i think she says do you have a chainsaw he's like let me check and then

you hear that and he he says i have to go yeah yeah that's it's just a old old old inside joke

my friends you know we used to play it a lot uh there you go that's all it is i don't know why

i get a kick i just play it so much right it's like you know you know play playing songs and

it's been on the intro and everything yeah yeah that's great that's great i love it yeah it's

It's fun to listen to.

Very relaxing.

I'm in the middle of calls here.

I'm calling for a ride share.

You can jump in.

You know what a ride share is?

Do you have vehicles in New Zealand?

Cars and stuff?

Yeah, like Uber.

Uber.

Yeah.

Well, this is more, I think they're saying, hey, I'm driving from Connecticut to California.

What?

They don't have kangaroos out there, though.

I don't know.

They have kiwis.

Kiwis.

Yeah.

Those birds.

You can ride a kiwi or that big bird, emas.

Hey, how do you say M&M?

How do you say that?

M&M.

You don't say E-M-E-N-E-M?

Because there's a show over here where the guy says in New Zealand,

you guys call M&M E-M-E-N-E-M.

I don't know.

Maybe that's a different dialect.

Okay, smartass.

What was the guy's name?

It's not available.

Hey, it's a guy's name.

Yeah, no, apparently we do say it like that.

Yeah, that guy.

John Oliver said it.

Yeah, we'll shoot the message.

I'm just letting you guys know.

I don't know if you guys either make it funny.

I love a show.

trying to ride share again we got live chickens next oh i got a sound effect for that

the google subscriber you have called google subscriber that's a hacker all right uh chickens

how about yes chickens i sent you a number on facebook for some llamas for sale you did i was

earlier in the week okay i can pull that up for you for us and it's alpacas for sale ideal as pets

or guards for chickens.

Weird.

Still connecting.

Welcome to the O2 messaging service.

The person you're calling is unable to take...

Sounds like the phone.

Not working there.

Damn.

I'll try again.

How about some...

How about a toenail beauty therapist?

Like a beauty salon?

Like for the nails?

The nail salon, you're saying?

Yeah.

But she's advertising for fungal and thick toenails.

Oh, yeah.

I got that problem.

All right, sure.

Sure. Where are you going to send it? Facebook?

Facebook.

Facebook, Facebook. Yeah, Facebook, Facebook.

All right, good, good, good.

You do that while I get a Kohler white cast iron double sink.

I didn't know Kohler made sinks.

You get that number, send it to me, and when this one doesn't pick up, I'll do it.

All right, I'm going to go ahead and hit the one and the paste.

Got it. Thank you.

You have reached the mall. Please leave a message after the mall.

All right.

That's a private number, so I'll give it one more shot, such as the rule here on Madhouse.

One more shot, and then we'll try Lucas's number.

Is that a New Zealand number, then?

Yeah.

And your country code?

I have, actually, I got an app.

It's already on there.

It's already on there?

That's it.

Okay.

Hello.

You have reached...

All right.

Nope.

All right.

Here is that.

Did you want to do this, or am I good to fire?

I would love you to do it.

25 minutes.

Sorry, that's so cool.

Till break.

I'm having very poor luck today.

it's not your fault there do not panic uh anyway uh what was i saying here about 25 minutes left

until we take our break and then we come back and then we do about another hour actually no

bullshit i gotta take that break before the well 15 minutes a little break sorry i'm not so cool

come on you're killing me hang up echo set a timer for 15

all right just gotta echo yes yes i'm back i'm back i'm i was i was talking to echo

Are you linked back in with this here?

Yes, sir.

Caller and I.

Lucas, Lucas, yes.

And you and me, we're here.

All of us, yes.

To listen to your message, press 1.

To record your message, press 2.

Oh, shit.

Did we lose him again?

I hung up on the wrong guy.

All right.

Well, New Zealand, call back in.

I'm sorry.

I've done it again.

I did it again.

What's up, Milkman?

You hear me?

Are you okay?

Yeah, I hear you.

What's a New Zealand's name?

Lucas, Lucas, man.

Lucas, Lucas.

I'm just learning, man.

Come on, man.

He's like a long-time listener.

He's been listening for like 17 years.

I know, but whenever I ask,

you guys don't tell me.

No one introduces themselves when they come on.

Hey, Milkman.

They're all

saying that they love you, Milkman.

I mean, all the voicemails, up and down.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you for your good

time with me.

Oh, we got another voicemail from during the week

I got to play. This one came in Saturday.

Is it an obituary?

Oh, okay.

Obituary.

Oh.

Hello, did you reach the voice mailbox of Carl Katoff?

Please leave me a message.

Okay.

All right, here's our obituary of the week.

Andre Hicks, 34, killed about 3.30 a.m. Monday, November 1st, 2004.

Vehicle pulled up beside the driver's side of the van he was in and began shooting, police said.

The van swerved across the highway median, across the southbound lanes, and down a steep embankment.

He was thrown from the van, but police said he died from the shooting.

The driver crawled from the wreckage and walked.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, he messed up, oh, he messed up.

That's Mac Dre, if I'm correct, if I believe I'm correct.

Former rapper Mac Dre got shot in 2004.

Rest in peace, Mac Dre.

Here's a Mac Dre song that I got.

A song with Mac Dre in it, at least.

Rest in peace, Mac Dre.

it's here for mcdray yeah oh customer service how can i help you is this uh for carlita uh yeah

yeah uh just dominoes yeah i don't i didn't order a pizza i didn't order a pizza i didn't order a

pizza it was um six soda no i didn't order anything i didn't order soda that coke zeros

uh nope they're just regular cokes they're six two liters yeah i'm diabetic i would i would i

I saw the voicemail, and I didn't do it, and you've been hacked.

Someone is spoofing my number and calling you and telling you to deliver sodas to I don't know where,

and it's not me.

I'm sorry.

Did you leave already?

That's fine.

I'll just bring them back to the store.

Yeah, I'm at the house, and it obviously wasn't them.

What state is this in?

What state is it in?

Just say the state.

This is in New Hampshire.

Oh, I'm not even in New Hampshire.

No, I'm on the West Coast.

Not even.

Yeah, see, I'm an Internet person.

I have an Internet show.

okay and they think it's funny to take my phone number and say hey order this thing and that

thing that's that's all it is honey thank god they didn't have you can make food right all right

well that's fine i didn't do it i didn't do it i didn't do it are you listening to me i said i

didn't do it yes all right that's fine uh and it was it was a cash order anyway so no harm no foul

was it already paid for was it already paid for god damn it woman i tell you what you listening

into me all right now she's gone there you go someone ordering sodas

i got a salad waiting for me on the break i can't wait we're gonna we're a few minutes away

back to the numbers we tried the kohler we got a 97 c right ready to try that didn't pick up

Brad's odd jobs didn't pick up

We got drywall

No job, too small drywall

Alright, 18 years

of experience

We don't want any, we don't want any

Hello

Carlito

What's up buddy, how you doing?

Good, who this? Are you a friend?

Yeah, yeah.

It's Mike from the Bronx.

How you doing?

Mike from the Bronx.

Hey, Mike from the Bronx.

Yay, Mike from the Bronx.

Do I know you?

No, I've just been listening to your show, dude.

Oh, cool.

Is the Bronx a dangerous place to live in?

Nah, not where I live.

It's nice.

Okay.

It's really nice.

There's nice places in the Bronx?

Yeah, yeah.

What about Queens?

Nah, I never go to Queens.

Okay.

I wouldn't go there.

All right, cool.

Cool.

All right, cool.

Well, thanks.

Yeah.

Yeah, yes.

You guys were in New York, man.

I wish I would have known.

I would have came and hang out, man.

I'm kind of bummed out.

Yeah, that's my fault.

It was a very short notice thing.

And some people did come out.

I was quite surprised.

I think next time, definitely I'm going to do it like a month out.

And now that I'm doing weekly shows, I'll be able to build up to it.

Yeah, you can come out.

We can have fun, man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Fuck yeah.

You doing a call?

Let's do a call.

All right, Bronx guy.

All right.

Yeah, they're not picking up much, but here's a guy with the drywall thing.

I got drywall that shit makes it.

He's selling it?

I think he does the drywall work.

Hello?

What drywall guy is that?

Damn it.

Whoa.

He was there that whole time.

He didn't say nothing.

Oh, shit.

I lost Milkman.

I got to call Milkman back.

Give me a second.

Hang on.

We can't do that.

I'm in trouble.

Who's calling?

Who are you calling?

Milkman.

I'm getting Milkman back on the line here.

Sorry.

It's all right.

Hey, I lost you, Milkman.

Sorry, buddy.

I got you back.

All right.

What happened?

The system go down or what?

I hung up the wrong number, and I'm sorry.

We got Mike from the Bronx on the line.

He's a big fan of yours, he said.

He loves you.

Hey, Mike.

Hey, Milkman Machine.

What's up, bro?

Hey, what's happening?

All right.

Hey, you too, bro.

You too, dad.

Don't start making me laugh, guys.

This is a cleaning service.

Cleaning service.

If you need someone to do a cleaning service in your house or office,

let me try her name is rosanna you reach hosanna please leave a message please yeah very bad some

shows are like this man you just they don't want to pick up i'm sorry mike from the bronx it's not

fucking iced tea i can't stop drinking it i'm gonna get them kidney stones i know it i think

that break's coming up soon echo how much time left on the timer you reach hosanna please leave

a message pretty good show so far other than the fact no one's picking up or

I called you back.

Hey, López-Torso, you got to reset that computer or something.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I'm working on it.

It's my fault.

I will fix it during the break.

No, we're a few minutes away from the break.

I'm going to reboot it during the break.

You know what I mean?

It's all right.

Good timing, man.

Yeah, good timing.

Hey, we got another voicemail.

Let's play that real quick here.

Yeah, hey, Carlito, this is your boss.

I just want to let you know that we need to fill that glory hole order at that bar in York City.

Nice.

So if you can get on that podcast and speak to Jeremy Gunn to get that order filled, that would be much appreciated.

Thank you very much.

Have a good one.

Thanks, Pat.

All right, good.

Yeah, they're following up on the glory hole order there that we put in for that bar last week.

We couldn't get a drill in there, but I think we're going to.

We've got a contractor out there who's going to take care of us.

We've got to call another voicemail here.

Hey, Carlito.

Godfather from Bristol.

How are you?

Oh, well, I remember him.

I'm watching you live.

Anyway, hope your show's going well

I'll tune in again soon

And I would love to get on the show

Forever, man, you have to call me

And hello, Milkman

Say hello to you, Milkman, you were talking to me

Oh, I heard him, yeah

If you want to get on the show forever, you have to get the number

Give him the number

Yeah, 405-396-6884

I had no idea, and I'm not talking bad

But I didn't know that UK Godfather was a member

Of the bisexuals, I had no idea

And he posted on Facebook

Facebook, someone was bothering him because he's pansexual now, which I would love to

talk to you, Kegada, for that, because I don't know the difference between pan and bi.

I don't know.

Dude, I think he's like, whatever.

I don't give a fuck.

Does pansexual mean you don't care?

You like girls, a hole's a hole?

Is that the mentality?

Dude, I don't know, man.

I don't know.

That's why I said, I guess let them tell you.

I really don't know, dude.

They've got this whole new thing now where they don't declare it gender, other.

I guess.

No, it's called other.

Other.

I don't know what, dude.

I don't know.

It happened to a year.

I really don't know because it's so new.

Well, everyone, raise a glass or a vape pen or whatever you got.

It's a UK godfather who is now pansexual.

I ain't going to be sleeping with him.

He ain't going to be sleeping with anybody here in the room.

So, you know, what he does in his bedroom is none of our business.

Don't give a fuck, dude.

You know, he's a nice guy, right?

If he acts all gayed out or whatever he did for me, he's a nice guy.

That's all right.

Here's an incoming call.

Let's see who it is.

Hello.

Thank you for calling.

Hello.

Hey, Carlito.

Carlito.

Hey.

Who's this?

Hey, it's my birthday, Carlito.

It's my birthday.

Yay.

Your birthday?

For real?

Birthday?

Yeah, for real.

For real.

Oh, well, happy birthday, then.

I don't know much.

It's just, you know, doing a matter of a lot.

Pulling off a couple six-packs of beers here and there, you know?

A couple?

That's a 12-pack, man.

A couple six-packs.

What ABV are we talking about?

What are you drinking?

We're talking about 7.0, some ballast pulling beers.

Okay.

All right.

Not bad.

All right.

Cool.

So, anyways, I just wanted to call up because I just wanted to see if that order was fulfilled

for the Glory Holes at the York Bar.

Oh, was that you?

Did you get through with that or not?

Was that your order?

Was that you're the contractor?

That was my order.

I know you're the contractor, and I just wanted to let you know, is the order fulfilled

or not?

Oh, yeah.

No, we definitely need that.

Yeah, we definitely need that.

Yeah, we need nice round holes because I've got a big, thick cock like a Coke can, like a beer can.

All right, good, good, because I'm getting heat from the band on the top here, man.

I need this sort of filled.

Did we get it?

That's Joey Guns.

What's going on here?

I need this reporter going on here with the fit wrap.

Let's see if I can get a hold of Joey real quick, and then I've got to take a break because I've really got to pee, man.

Excellent, excellent.

You've closed off the bathrooms for yourself.

Let me see if he picks up.

Excellent.

All right, I'll let you stay.

and then you've got to go

because then we're going to take a break.

Now Dan and I go to bed.

I do have to because I've got to listen to the Matt House, man.

I can't stay in line with you all day, man.

No, man.

I've got to listen to my Matt House.

You've got shit to do.

Hey, thanks for calling in.

You don't have to say your name.

Echo, stop.

Shut up.

Echo, shut up.

Damn, it's like my dog.

Fucking timers and shit.

Fucking internets.

How can I help?

Let me speak to Joey.

Joey, Joey, the bouncer.

Joey, yeah, sure.

Just give me one second.

Let's go.

I'm going to introduce you.

You are my contractor.

We're going to confuse them real good.

Fucking Joey.

Man, I stole these mayonnaise packets from the grocery store,

and they're fucking light mayonnaise.

I don't even know.

Yeah, where's Joey?

Give me one sec.

Sorry.

Come on.

I couldn't find him.

I'll get him now.

One sec.

Jesus.

What shit do I got to do?

Hopefully the audio quality has been okay on YouTube.

Hopefully the buffering is keeping up okay.

We're not buffering and lagging.

If you're watching on YouTube, I'm going to take a look here at the chat.

It's hard to me to keep.

Dude, I got like five chats going on at once, man.

And that's with Mixer Chat shut down.

It's hard.

It's really hard, man.

I don't know why I came into these shows again.

You guys all hate me.

People don't pick up and all that shit.

UK Godfather Milkman did try to call.

He did try to call.

Hello.

Hey, Joey.

What are you doing around for?

Hey, I got my contractor on the line.

I got him coming down to put those holes in the partitions in the bathrooms.

What bathrooms?

The bathrooms you got upstairs.

Those little small bathrooms you have that go men.

Ah, it's you, you fucking jerk-off.

Yeah.

How you doing?

Yeah, good.

I got a contractor up there.

He doesn't need power or electric.

He can do it without that.

He's got all battery-powered shit.

Very good, very good.

Tell him to fucking, once he puts the holes up, put his mouth around the fucking hole

so I can shove my cock in there.

Well, that's where we're getting at.

We need to know how thick your cock is.

There you go.

There you go, Mr. Contractor.

All right.

You happy?

You feel good now, little baby?

Okay.

Oh, now I don't hear you guys again.

Shit.

I'm going to have to restart that machine.

Milkman, are you there?

All right, I'm going to have to restart things here.

Guys, we need to take that break, I think.

I've got to restart the call application.

But so far, so good.

I think we've got some pretty good calls.

Looks like we're going to make it with new prank calls of the week, hopefully, here.

Be able to edit that down.

We're going to take about a 12, not even a 12-minute break.

Not even an 11-minute break.

I don't think it's going to be even more than 10 minutes.

We'll see how long it takes me to pee.

When we come back, UK Godfather

Looks like he might be joining up

Milkman will be back on the line

By then

Yeah, that application is completely frozen

I'll take care of that in a second

Milkman

Milkman will be joining us here

We got more calls, nothing really planned

We're just going to have fun, you know

Got a few broads, a few guys, a few girls out here

If you want to listen on the go

If you're not going to be around an internet connection

But you have a working telephone, cell phone or landline

You can dial 605-475-0097 and listen to the show live and recorded 24-7.

Live shows are live.

Whenever we're not live, you hear the best of Madhouse Radio.

Again, that's 605-475-0097.

Be sure to head over to madhouselive.com, subscribe to the podcast,

get your links for tuning in on the various different mobile apps and such.

Keep in mind, you can also listen on your Amazon Alexa-enabled device,

your Echo Dots and your Echo This and That, your shows,

to see Alexa play Madhouse Prank Call Radio,

and that should take care of that motherfucker, you.

I'll be right back.

Get off my case.

Get off my ass.

All of you.

You're listening to House on the Largest.

And in the nation.

Prank Call Nation.

98.3.

The Mel.

We'll be back right after this.

put your GPS in your box

and a trapdoor at the bottom

so when you die, you open a trapdoor at the bottom

and you go straight down

house radio is back

you are bigger than a woman

you are better than a woman

we will always be behind you

do not let a woman ever

make you who you are

just because it's in print doesn't mean it's the gospel

people write negative things

because they feel that's what sells

good news to them doesn't sell

how has it impacted you?

I was number one all over the world all over the world America's the only one

because I am Carlito and I am back this is a bad house radio I'm sure I'm the

host of the show as I said Carlito milkman is here milkman check in please

please ha yourself ha yourself master man i don't know where i was going with that um yeah we're

back if you want to join us you can 405-396-6884 we got about 53 minutes left to show we're gonna

try to get some quick pranks in here we got a voicemail which i believe is someone being

mean and nasty let's hear that milkman can we reboot the computer yes

Why? Who are you? What are you saying?

Don't want to touch a hot pussy.

Alright, sounds like

that's the lady

that does my Asian massages, I think.

Nice. Thanks for calling.

I told her about the show. She's here.

Nice. Good deal. Alright.

Let's do some more calls.

Speaking of Asians, here is a

nail salon. Nail salon.

Again, the number is 405-3966-884

where you may call in and be calling.

Thank you. Where'd the music go?

There it is.

They keep checking out.

He turned the hold button on me, dude.

I've been living over there.

Can I help you?

Hi.

Is this Nails?

Yes.

Nails, hello.

Okay.

Did you call me?

No, I didn't call you.

I don't know.

Listen to the message.

I don't know.

Listen.

Why did you call me and leave me that message?

That's you.

No.

I don't know.

Maybe the customer, the phone, they call you.

I don't know.

I give you my message.

My message.

The message is all here.

why you call me like that and say that thing to me why i didn't call sir i don't know i don't

have a uniform uh-huh are you a lady boy yes oh you're a lady boy you have penis yes you have a

penis how big huh sorry okay all right bye sir i think that is a lady boy holy shit ew i'm gonna

would get that ma'am do you have a penis yeah okay okay craziness caller's calling a caller

caller caller caller hello hello caller yes hello am i the fifth caller you are the fifth caller on

the air on 98.6 mouth congratulations the mouth operator now taking your call yeah what's going

on how can i help you are you here to make threats yeah i just wanted to say what's up man

And I love you, Carlito.

I love you, Milkman.

I am Major Tinnitus from a northwestern part of a state.

A major northwestern state?

Nice.

Okay, cool.

Yeah, I think I've seen you in the Discord chat.

So what's up, Major Tinnitus?

Do you really have tinnitus?

I suffer from that sometimes.

Just a bit here and there.

I'm a musician, so I get rain in my ears a little bit.

Man, but you've got to protect your ears, bro.

You've got to get plugs.

You've got to do what you've got to do.

Are you a drummer?

What do you do?

I play bass in a band, and then I do guitar for fun.

Get a guitar amp.

There you go.

Yeah, you got to be careful with that, buddy.

Yeah, get the tinnitus taken care of.

I recommend pine tree bark pills.

They really help me out a lot when I have a bad bout of tinnitus.

And make sure you dry your ears very well after you get out of the shower

as soon as you can.

Get Q-tips.

Nice Q-tips.

And don't reuse your Q-tips, but get a Q-tip.

What's the deal?

Is it just ringing, or is it like, I always hear it ringing?

I think, like, yeah, a little occasional ring in there.

Yeah.

All I hear all the time is, like, that.

But that's from shooting guns for years.

And for me, sitting in the front row of Van Halen by a speaker and many of the great rock concerts, like, I know I got hearing damage.

Yeah.

Dude, I think from the age of nine until 15, I used to always have my Sony Walkman on 10, like, as high as I could.

My mom would always yell at me, like, you're going to get it.

I would do it.

And I never believed it.

That would do it long term.

I never was like, yeah, whatever, mom.

Yeah, that'd be on the bus on the way to school.

That explains a lot about you, bro.

I never knew that.

That explains a lot about you.

Retarded now.

Is that what you're trying to say, you stupid mama?

No, because you're always off in your own world with the Walkman jamming, bro.

That was you, man.

Dude, I went through so many AA batteries, man.

He says, shoplifted from Radio Shack.

I'm calling a nail salon there, caller.

If you want to hang on, you can.

Nail tricks, you know what they do there.

Yeah, hi, Nail Tricks.

What's going on?

Hey.

Yeah, listen, do you do, like, any type of medical stuff?

No, what do you mean by medical?

Do you know what a CBD oil?

No, we don't.

Marijuana oil?

All right.

No, we don't.

I have a fungus on my finger and I thought on my toe, my toenail, my big toe.

Yeah.

And I thought it'd be a good idea to try to grow some really good kind of marijuana stuff.

stuff so i i instead of putting medication i decided to put like uh like marijuana oil thc oil

no sorry we don't well i did it i did it listen i did it so i've got like this fungus it's like

a mushroom that's growing on my toe now it's like a yeah and i took some and i like fucking saw

i saw mao zedong you know chairman mao i saw him i was in the clouds of mao and buddha right

Sorry, we don't.

Yeah, and they were having sex with each other.

You know Chairman Mao?

Where are you from?

Are you from China?

We're from Vietnam.

You're from Vietnam?

Okay, yeah, so Ho Chi Minh was there,

and he was having sex with Chairman Mao from China.

I'm sorry, we don't do anything about that.

Do you know Ho Chi Minh had anal sex with the Chinese?

Sorry, bye.

They put it in his asshole, his little Vietnamese asshole.

All right.

She likes that.

I think she likes that.

she probably doesn't care about ho chi minh anyway like that last one she liked your last

joke here yeah i mean let's be honest she's in the state she's not a friend of the ho chi minh

yeah she don't like chinese the trick with the nails is to avoid direct contact with the glands

yeah the glands oh yeah right you know i i my wife is banned from going to these asian nail

places because she fucking went and got a fucking fungus infection on her nose on her nose on her

toenail and she passed it on to me and it's been bothering me like for a year and i've been on

medication and stuff for it and it's finally starting to die down she got rid of it like in

a week with some over-the-counter shit and i got stuck with it for the longest time is there like

some like tea tree oil or some shit i did all of it i did vicks i did tea tree oil i did fucking

uh i uh duct tape yes everything duct tape we can't do that i did duct tape

You need to put your feet in Clorox for at least five minutes, dude, because, like, when I was a kid, I had really bad athletics, but I never get it now.

But, dude, like, if you cannot get rid of it, dude, you can kill it off with Clorox, dude.

It sucks.

Your skin will peel the fuck off, but it'll die.

You can put powder and shit on it.

It'll hurt like a motherfucker, but it'll kill it off, dude.

I got on these pills.

The doctor gave me these pills that I had to take for three months, and then I had to

get my liver checked afterwards and make sure I didn't poison myself and give myself liver

cancer.

That's the only thing about all that stuff.

That's what I'm saying.

It's like, now you got the side effects.

What side effects can you live with?

Well, no, it's gone.

Would you have a brown toe, or would you have no liver?

It's gone.

Where I gave up and I went the medical route was, I read one of those, I kept going online,

and it was like tea tree oil and vicks vapor rub and nothing worked and i saw one that said

you need to cut the oxygen flow so you wrap your toe up and duct tape for two weeks and you take

the duct tape off and you should be good so i did that and i got through a week and i said all right

time to change it out and i took the duct tape out and off came my nail with the fucking duct tape

so there was blood everywhere and i'm in pain and the dog is like all this shit got fucked up the

the new carpet in here, and

I had to get that clean. It was just a pain in the ass.

And I was like, all right, fine, I'm going to the professionals,

and I'm going to the doctor.

She's like, yeah, like green blood that comes

splattering out after you drop the

ovarian toenail? No, it's

red blood, not green blood. What do you think, I'm a Vulcan

or something? What's wrong with you?

Green fucking blood.

I don't know, dude, what it's like

underneath the fungus toenails.

The fungus isn't in my

blood, you horse. Come on, man.

Come on.

I was like, no, no, seriously, there's no joke.

If it gets in your blood, it spreads to certain parts, like the valve of your heart or your

brain or places where you can't get rid of it.

No.

Thank you for praying to God that that gets in your blood.

Well, I'm good.

It's clear.

The nail grew back normal.

It's normal.

It's a healthy nail.

Beautiful, smooth, thick nail.

Well, I don't know.

I had to get blood work done.

Oh, I'll tell you what.

My dad was overseas, man.

He had that shit, too.

And his fucking feet were rotting off his whole life.

And he told me that was from when he was over there in the Navy.

right but like fucking that could be where the fuck that shit comes from

don't go back there i don't know i don't know i figure it came from the stupid nail salon those

chinese people don't even know nail services brother i don't blame you brother that's like

fuck huh all right hey bud how did the uh how did the duct tape smell afterwards oh man it was gross

yeah it was gross it smelled it smelled exactly like i had a cast on for a month once and it

smelled exactly like that like it was i don't know if you ever had a cast before but it was vile

yeah i i think i did more damage with that than did not i think i i mean i'm diabetic i probably

could have lost that toe head i kept doing that thank god i took it off when i did yeah oh i was

scared man that whole i was like i was like i took it i took it off and there's blood everywhere and

i'm like oh maybe it cured itself and then i turn over the tape and there's my nail like whoa like

oh man it's bad bad bad yeah so none of that cured it all i did none of that none of that

none of that fucking holistic shit did anything for it man nothing and and like i said uh thena

over here she went to target and bought like this little bottle of shit she got rid of it like in a

week and i got i got stuck i'm the one that got stuck with it i should complain matter of fact

let's call nail place and complain about that that's what i'm feeling that's right you ain't

going back there, dude, because your fucking

wife's toe got infected and it's the

fucking size of her head now.

Right, right, right, right. Alright, Colin, I'm gonna let you go.

Thanks for joining in, so we can let someone else on here.

We don't have much show left. Alright, thanks for calling.

Have a nice time with you, babe.

See you, buddy.

Peace.

His line is open

and you can join that at the conclusion of

this prank call. That number is

405-396-6884.

We got about

40 minutes left to show.

we'll listen to some mad villain right now they just hung right up we'll call a different one

yeah hi nail place yes my wife went over there and got her nails done

she okay she came back with a fungus among her fungus among us when did you get them done

well it was it was like a month ago so then here's the problem i got the fungus i got it we took we

We took a shower.

We take shower in the same shower.

All right?

Okay.

And then I got the fungus now.

Now I have the fungus.

God damn it.

Okay, now the thing is, I mean, I don't know.

I mean, did she get a fungus here or how did she get a fungus?

I mean, you know, it's just like...

Her nail.

She went there and got the fungus from you.

That's why.

No, it is...

Because you're dirty people.

Dirty...

Is this Vietnamese or Chinese?

It's nothing to do with it.

It's just a business.

No, what are you?

Are you Vietnamese or Chinese?

Well, what's this got to do with the nails?

Well, I have to make...

I'm taking a report.

I need to know.

It doesn't matter.

You can report.

I mean, you just say the name.

This is NV.

It must be Vietnamese, right?

North Vietnam?

What do you have to do with the race?

Are you Charlie?

Sorry?

Are you Charlie?

Charlie.

There's no Charlie.

There's no Charlie there?

No.

I got a report that it was Charlie here.

There's no Charlie here.

Oh, thank God.

All right, good.

We're good.

Listen, what are you going to do about this?

Because I can't get rid of it.

I tried everything.

I tried.

What do you Chinese people do to get rid of it?

What do I put on it?

The doctor.

I don't know.

I don't know how you get it.

Well, you guys, so you guys got that holistic East Vietnamese stuff that you do.

What do I put, what do I put, tiger penis on it?

What do I got to put on?

I mean, what do you have to do?

I can't talk to you later.

Garlic, ginger.

What do I do?

I call, I call, I call, I call, I call, I call.

Fuck you.

We got a caller.

Caller, hi, I'm Carlito, and you're on the air with Carlito and Milkman.

How do you do?

All right, thank you.

All right, someone else is calling, and I missed it.

She, Milkman, she.

Someone was trying to call.

She.

Oh, hey.

Hey, you.

Hey, it's Brendan.

Brendan.

I've been a listener since 2009.

Oh, wow.

I started listening right after the quote raid.

Hang on, Milkman.

I, yeah, I've been a listener since then, and I think back in 2010, I hung out in the IRC a lot.

Are you Brandon Vegas?

Brandon Vegas?

No, no, no, no.

No, no, I'm after him.

You're after Brandon.

You're Brandon who came after Brandon.

Milkman, hang on, give me a second, Brandon.

Milkman, you can't hear him.

It did the whole split thing again.

It split them up.

It split up the calls, Milkman.

Huh?

It did this thing where it launches another copy of the application, and now I can't.

Is it going to crash again?

No, it's not going to crash, no.

Brendan, you've got to try to call back.

We've got to be real fast, all right?

Okay, I'll call back.

Be real fast, be real fast.

Milkman, I want to call you back.

You've got to be real fast, real fast, all right, Milkman?

Oh, no, you stay, you stay, you stay.

Milkman, you stay, you stay, Milkman, you stay.

No, no, you stay.

You can stay, you stay, you stay.

All right, we're waiting for, we had a caller.

He said his name was Brendan, but not Brendan Vegas.

But he knows Brandon Vegas.

Not BV.

Remember BV?

He's a big radio fan.

Like terrestrial radio fan.

He moves around so much.

I don't know where the fuck he's at now.

I haven't talked to him in a while.

I don't know.

I haven't done Facebook.

Well, Brandon's not calling back yet.

All right, we'll wait.

Is it the damn computer buzzing up or what's up?

No, it's not.

I clicked on the wrong.

It's me.

That one was my fault.

I was off in the no zone talking to these other guys

Like the last three calls right

Yeah

We're getting there Milkman

We're doing better tonight

Alright well I'm just letting you know with condition

Okay alright I'm sorry

Don't be mad don't be mean

Yeah this is Riggle Nails

Salon and Spa

My wife went there

My wife went there she got a fungus

and she got a fungus on her finger toenail or toenail fungus like a month ago and now i have

the fungus we took a shower together and now i have the fungus too why um no sometimes you have

to have to clean it well she we can't what do we do are you chinese or vietnamese what are you

all right so what do you what vietnamese vietnam you got a lot of natural things what can we put

Put on a ginger, garlic.

You have to buy the fungus, you know, chop, you're chopping.

Yeah.

We cannot control the fungus.

The fungus, you know, we cannot control it.

But why you don't clean the things good to get the fungus?

No, you don't.

I saw on TV that the Vietnamese people were really dirty, it said.

That they were dirty people.

And my wife said that she was there and you farted on your hand and you smelled it.

She saw you do that.

You're dirty.

Maybe that's the fungus came from there, from your asshole.

Yeah.

Don't let me find out

Milkman you gotta go

You gotta get the fungus

You gotta find out the fungus Milkman

You gotta find the fungus

You gotta get the fungus among us

Milkman stand by for a recall

I'm gonna recall you okay

I like the psilocybin fungus

It feels good

I gotta ask him about that Milkman

You know he lives there in California

And I think isn't there a movement to legalize

Psilocybin

Psilocybin mushrooms

Mushrooms?

I remember Milkman called me once, high off his ass, on shrooms at some kind of concert.

He's like, oh, some guy gave me mushrooms, and I ate them, and now I gotta drive.

I'm like, well, maybe you shouldn't drive.

Hey, Milkman.

man what what concert was it that you went to where some guy gave you shrooms and you took them

was that a van halen concert or something remember shrooms so it was a show night and you you got

you like i want to go to this concert and like all right and then you call me you're like yeah

this guy there was these cool people there we were smoking and then he gave me shrooms and i

took them you don't remember that oh no that's not how yeah i was supposed to weren't you scared to

that just, like,

takes some drugs

that some guy gave you?

No, no, no.

It was a friend of mine.

It wasn't like that, dude.

A friend of mine gave me drugs.

I thought it was, like,

some random biker,

as you said.

No.

Fuck no, dude.

I was the best.

I couldn't stand out.

Seriously,

I had to lay down, man,

to watch the concert, dude.

I was the fuck...

I was wrecked, dude.

I got video of it, dude.

It was psychedelic as hell, man.

Yeah?

Did the psychedelic

make it to the video, Milkman?

Wow.

Yeah, man,

because I was, like,

laying on my back,

tripping my...

watching it and watching the video

and listening to concerts

I gotta record

these colors

I gotta record these colors

you know what I said it was Judas Priest

Judas Priest that's what it was

I mean them motherfuckers

were blowing ass dude

it was blowing up it was a great

concert too man

it's cause this one

you had like grass and shit right

so you could like lay down on the grass

you can build a grass and you can lay down right on the grass hey call you're on with milkman he's

doing drugs what's going on hey it's brendan again hey brendan made it all right so you're

saying you're not brendan vegas but you're a brendan that's been listening since 2009 okay

good yeah i was in the chat like around 2010 or so for a while with plenty of numbers

uh-huh i kind of i didn't want to say a lot of interest in your show per se well i don't

I was going to school and working and shit, so.

Hey, I lost interest in my show.

It's okay.

You can say it.

I know.

I regained interest again right when you quit it again.

You see?

Nothing just happens, man.

That's my mantra now, man.

No, I understand.

I'm just saying, God put me in your life and you in my life.

God bless you, man.

If you were here, I'd give you a hug right now, man.

No, I love you.

No, seriously, Carlito, you're awesome.

I was a communications major in college, a broadcasting major.

So, you know, you doing what you do kind of, you know,

maybe hopefully one day I'll get into it.

I don't know.

Yeah.

It's really easy to get into these days, man.

Don't be intimidated.

No, I know, but I just need something that, you know,

I got a regular nine-to-five job that keeps me busy.

Yeah, I hear you.

All right.

But you got that.

But, no, man, keep doing what you're doing.

I'm glad you're back.

And I'll try to get into the chat at some point once I get my computer fixed.

Yeah.

Maybe help send numbers and whatnot.

Discord.gg slash pranks.

You can do it on your mobile, too.

It's a pretty good, robust app if you've got that.

Could I message you on Facebook even, some numbers?

I mean, I'm friends with you on Facebook.

Okay.

Sure.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Maybe I'll try to send you some messages at some point.

Sure.

But I'll let you get back to your pranks.

and uh all right help man love you bud and thank you bye brandon see you later

i'm usually kind of leery now just with shit that's gone down with just taking numbers from

everyone like we used to but yeah you're all right you're a brandon you're a b i'll take it

from you i'll take it from you uh his line is open if you want to reach us here before we end

the show in just a few, in a few,

in less than 30 minutes.

405-396-6884.

That's 405-39-MOV.

Here's the next call.

Another nail. I'm into this nail thing.

Really into the nail. I think I'm

recalling a place. I don't know. I don't know what I'm

doing. We got some voicemails too,

Milkman. You don't want that fungus

to go to your brain. You don't want it to get it

humongous.

Humongous fungus. It makes a nice

pizza topping though. Oh man,

I had some portobello mushrooms here the other day.

Oh, I like it.

Mmm, yeah.

Mushroom pizza.

There we go.

Took a while to connect there.

Got another caller.

Hang on there, caller.

Ah, we lost the caller.

Mr. Bellano Salon, can I hit you?

Yeah, listen, I got a fungus.

Hi.

I got a fungus.

Why?

Oh, yeah?

From you.

Why you don't clean the things right?

You have a fungus from me.

You have to clean.

You have to clean the things.

Where are you from?

Vietnam?

Or China?

What place?

Who are you?

My name is Akulo.

I went there to get my nails done.

I had a pedi, a mani pedi, and you got a fungus.

Why you don't clean the things?

Why?

You gave me a fungus?

This is like a harass call.

A harass call?

Yeah.

You know what harass call?

You know what is penis?

I'm touching my penis.

That's harass.

I'm harass now.

Now I'm harass.

Yeah, look, man.

That was...

You know?

Yeah.

We got to save that right there

Caller, you're on the harassment line

Hello, nope, too late

Caller, you're on the harassment line

That's got to go on our new promo, bro

Hello, caller

Goodbye, caller

Another one here

Caller, you're on the harassment line

Hello

Okay, maybe it's just someone being stupid

I think something wrong with our monitor

No one's getting through

There's a lot of people calling in, actually

As a matter of fact

We got a voicemail here.

The transcript says I picked up the oil filter.

What?

Oil filter.

All right.

All right, man.

As long as you're having fun, man.

Let's see.

UK Godfather said that he sent numbers on Facebook.

Do I send a number and call in or Skype or something?

Okay, bye.

I think UK Godfather is trying to call in.

I can probably give him a call.

I'll try that in a second.

Let's see what this is.

Hey, man.

I want to let you know I appreciate the prank calls.

I've been listening for the next few years.

I've been listening for a year.

Thank you, man.

All right.

Thank you, man.

All right.

Thank you for calling in, Mr. Guy.

All right.

Let's see if this is a nice person or not.

Carlito.

Hey.

What's up, motherfucker?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

This is Greg from Minnesota.

Go ahead, man.

I just actually watched one of your live shows on my phone,

and I had to stop it so I could fucking try to call you.

Dude, you're fucking hilarious, man.

I was looking for Milkman on Facebook.

How do you find that fucker on Facebook?

Couldn't find him.

What else?

I don't know.

You're hilarious.

Your shit's fucking hilarious, dude.

I got to be honest.

I started with the Snowplow Show.

Brad's fucking amazing, too.

He's fucking hilarious.

serious i listen to fucking xyz you guys all got me fucking hooked but anyways i just wanted

to give you props man and actually you liked my video i'm the dude from minnesota that sang

stand by me i'm not bad for a white guy you know okay yeah he's a good guy fucking show man

fuck yeah yeah fucking show yeah all right guy from minnesota

So to Larry, what's up, Greg?

Oh, yeah, man, it's old time.

What a stupid name you got, Greg.

Bob, anybody who picks up your convenience.

Again, that is the angle, roar, remover.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no.

What is that?

Oh, no, it's a private call.

That was a private call.

Let's do, the line is, hey, here's someone, let's see, this is someone not fucking with us.

Hello, please don't be me. Hello caller. Oh, hello. It's UK Godfather

We're good, what is pansexual? What is that? What's the difference between pan and bi? I don't get it. Why why are you what?

I just means I love everything you love everything

Like animals

Okay, that's it when you saying everything I'm like, I'll fuck a fish if you know, there's a little heat

And I'm sorry, we don't have to talk about your sexuality, all right?

I'm just saying good for you for standing up for your pan, your panness, okay?

Your pan and your proud.

Those are two words that start with P, motherfucker, you.

Do you get your nails done now that you're pansexual?

No, no.

Well, you should do that.

You should do that because, you know, that might help you out in there a little bit.

Do you shave?

Do you shave down there?

Yeah, I'm sorry, I'll stop, I'll stop.

Are you sad that KDK, the hero to buys and pans, died?

I was sad about that, man.

Is that UK Godfather?

That is UK Godfather, Milkman.

You're not supposed to ask that stupid shit.

They're supposed to volunteer, dumbass.

You're supposed to ask like that.

Hello, City Nails?

That's like the same thing they ask you, like about you.

Milkman, be quiet, please.

City Nails, hello?

Yes.

Yeah, listen, I have a fungus now that I went there.

Where'd you go?

I went there.

I'm going to put the fungus on the line here, UK Godfather.

This is the fungus.

He's going to talk to you.

You need to work this out.

You need to get him out of here.

Oh, no, no, no.

I had it injected into me.

That's gross.

You need to take it out on me.

Yeah, how do we get rid of the fungus?

Oh, you have to wait.

Do I have to put my finger off?

Don't get out right away.

You have to wait before your nail goes out.

I have to let the whole nail grow out?

Yeah, yeah.

Can you not rip the nail out?

Yeah.

Are you Vietnam or China?

Yeah, Vietnam.

Vietnam?

Okay.

Yeah.

Do you, what can I put,

What do Vietnam people put on the fungus to make it go away?

Can I put, like, garlic on it?

No, cocaine is best.

Do you know what is bun bo huay?

Yeah, we know.

You know bun bo huay?

I made a pot of bun bo huay, and I put my foot in it.

Do you think that will work?

No, we don't do that.

Can I put my foot in, like, pho?

In some pho, maybe?

Like in a big pot of pho?

Hold on, let you talk with my boss, okay?

Can you bring your own phone?

You know what?

You're a D.

D?

Hello?

Yeah, hey, Cho D.

Who is this?

You Cho D?

I got a fungus.

So what do you need?

I got a fungus, and I need to know what the Vietnamese cure is for fungus

because I went there to get my nails done, and I got a fungus.

And do we need to do this?

This is not acceptable.

You got fungus?

Oh, you need to go to the doctor.

No, I can't.

I need to know what you do first.

What can I do?

Can I put garlic?

i made a big i was gonna buy a pot of bun bo huay soup and put my foot in it do you think that will

help it's up to you you can do that you can try okay but i don't know you you can go to the doctor

okay do you know do you know what is chodi chodi i mean slut dog that's what she is motherfucker

my uncle taught me that she was not acknowledging but my uncle taught me that he was uh i think i've

told you guys this before that the america the u.s army taught my uncle it sent him to a class

to learn vietnamese curses so that he knew when the vietnamese prisoners that he was guarding were

cursing at him so he could beat the fuck out of him that's what he told me and he taught me a whole

bunch of stuff like he would always say dd mao to me all the time like hurry up dd mao there was dd

something mao which meant hurry the fuck up something like that that's he said that's what

he used to say to all the vietnamese when they pissed him off he go dd mao dd dd mao somewhere

fucking right i gotta ask uncle david i gotta give that guy a call i haven't talked to him

since the funeral shit have you spoken to jim stewart lately uh i spoke to him a few weeks

ago i'll let him know we were coming back on he said his schedule doesn't allow him to make it at

this time uh but he hopes i mean he's in jail no no no it's just that he he's asleep usually

at the time that our show is on now he used to get up extra early to get on the show when we

started at 10 p.m eastern now they were at 7 p.m it doesn't work at all for now he said in a few

few months he's got some things moving things in motion and he'll be able to join us and also like

on holidays and stuff so yes we will still have jim stewart on as a guest um and uk uk godfather

uk godfather also sorry uk ted that's me no i mean uk ted also i think i i know i'm with you

i'm with you man i'm with you we're good i never sleep it's all right it's all right you guys are

are all the same you sound the same it's all the same all right all right all right uh let me see

what else i can call i think i'm done with nails but i have no idea what else to call i sent you

some numbers yes you did you said you were going to send some on facebook let me go over there

thank you i did thank you good timing good boy all right now this is going to pick up because

you were notorious for having numbers and then it picked up and there's v cars that's what i wanted

out a call. It's been a while.

V-Cars!

Tell them that Uber's better.

That'll piss them off. I think I have to add

01144 to it.

I also talk to them.

Calling V-Cars. All calls

are recorded. To check how we use

your data, visit our website.

What was that? You want to do it?

Can we co-call?

Yeah, we want to start it out.

Do me a favor and start it out.

Hello, V-Cars.

Hey, can I have a taxi, please?

Where from?

Bristol.

Yeah, where in Bristol?

Clifton.

Where?

By Royal Victoria Park.

I need a full address, buddy.

Sorry, it's 1 Royal Victoria Square.

What, where are you going to?

Going to Centre Bristol.

And you said it was 1 Victoria Square?

Yeah.

I'm from America.

I don't know the exact address.

You haven't got a passcode now?

No.

Zip code, I don't know.

Okay, we wouldn't be able to pick you up without full address.

We're private hire.

Give me the phone.

Hey, hey, listen.

Hey, you there?

Yep.

Listen, I'm going to have a panic attack.

You need to work with this guy and get me right out of here.

We're both together.

I'm from the United States, and we're in Bristol, all right?

Yep.

All right, and you need to get me.

We need help.

We need help, all right?

We're going to be in big trouble

because I'm supposed to be my wife

and I'm with this man right now instead, all right?

And if she catches me, I'm going to be in big trouble.

I need to get back to the hotel.

You understand?

And I mean it.

Well, like I said, without full address,

there's nothing I can do because we're part of our company.

All right, we're on the left side.

I think the postcode is BS8-3PU.

Well, that postcode is giving me Rodham Hill,

which is nowhere near Victoria Park.

That's us, that's us, that's us.

Well, like I said, that address you've given me is nowhere near Victoria Park.

Shit. I mean, can you just send one to Victoria Park and then to Vagina Hill or whatever and, you know?

I can't, unfortunately, because we're a private hire company. We can't do that.

We'll pay. We'll pay. We'll pay you double. We just need to get out of here.

We'll pay you double. God damn it.

Motherfucker, you. We'll pay you double, I said.

Like I said, it's not all about the price, unfortunately.

We've got legal reasons why we can't hire you to pick up off the street.

wait we wait uh uber is so much better tell you what we're gonna order if you want to use an uber

then if you believe in uber is so much better well tell you what we're gonna order an uber

and then you come here and whoever makes the first gets you know nope it doesn't work like

that oh come on i'm just gonna hang up no don't come on don't don't please come on you can't you

can't do this oh shit are there more people there or is it just him because i now i want to say

Say that, like, give him a legit address or whatever, and then just say,

well, we're also ordering Uber, so whoever makes it first, let's see if he still lives.

Don't forget about Lyft.

To check how we use your data.

Godfather, give him a good address, all right?

A decent place to pick up.

Okay.

Lyft, man.

If it's him again, then we're fucked.

Hello, V-Cars.

He's not at V-Cars.

Hello?

He didn't like it.

Hello?

Yeah, it's him again.

Shit.

We're about to do that next week, I guess, unless we have a different V-Cars or something.

A different car company.

So is there a lot of beef? I heard there was a lot of problems with Uber in the UK, a lot of infighting and stuff, a lot of protests or something. Am I right? Am I off base there? Yeah. Yeah. But that's a racket over there. The cabs in the UK are no joke. Those guys, they'll fuck you up. They'll fuck up your day, man. You know, you fuck with them. Holy shit.

I found a postcode for a pizza place.

A pizza place?

Is that the first one, the pizza delivery that you sent?

No, that's a different place.

But I was thinking, is the taxi company offline now?

Yes.

Yeah, we're clear.

Right.

Okay.

So we could call V-Cars and then give them the postcode of BS.

Can I tell you the postcode?

Do you want it not to get over the air?

Is that what you're saying?

No, I'll message it to you on Facebook right now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, hold on.

All right, all right, all right.

Be back in a sec.

We've got to be fast. We've got to be fast.

We're running out of time here.

We've got about 12, less than 12 minutes left

until we've got to wrap up the show.

So we're looking at the last few pranks of the night coming up here.

I want to thank everyone who's tuned in, called in, sent in numbers.

All of you, thank you very much.

Feeling good about today's show.

It went pretty well, you know.

We were getting there.

I think by next show, we're going to be full of power.

We've been down for like a half hour or so.

Nunu calls me an ulu.

Well, thank you very much.

In the meantime, while UKTen does that, I'm going to...

He's in the Discord chat, so you've got to be talking to Nunu, because he's in the Discord chat.

You've got to get in that Discord, man. Come on, baby.

Real quick, I want to answer two things, two plugs I can give real quick,

before we do this chicken call and his V-cars thing.

Number one is that, speaking of the Discord prank, Discord chat, discord.gg slash pranks,

there will be prank calls there, live prank calls, and after show, and Discord only.

Only discord.gg for slash pranks in the voice channel.

Be sure to tune into that.

I believe Olga and someone else.

I can't remember who it is now are going to be doing some prank calls there.

Yeah, she's a good, good person.

Good people.

Don't worry about it.

I do.

I have a friend.

Well, there you go.

We all do now.

Also, if I ran across a new prank call podcast that I thought was pretty funny, it's stupid

prank callings dot podomatic dot com.

I don't know if these are enemies of the state or what, but I had a good time listening to them this week.

Stupidprankcallings.pothomatic.com.

Trying to remember what group this is, but they had some pretty funny stuff.

They seem to be fans of Madhouse and Jim Stewart because they invoke us a lot, which is cool.

They seem like cool guys.

Everyone check that out if you get a chance.

My recommendation for the day.

They haven't done anything bad to me that I know yet, so we're cool.

That's it for now.

Yes, but where are we at?

Well, I sent you the postcode and the details.

Okay, I see.

And you can speak to them?

I don't want to speak to them again, but you can try them, and then I'm happy to do a pizza call.

Okay, so I do V-Cars, and then we'll do a pizza call, and I think that might be it for the show.

All right, here we go.

Here we go.

We're wrapping it up, everyone.

This is going to be V-Cars.

And what am I doing?

I'm just sending them to a postcode?

An address.

The whole address is there.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

And try and sound Canadian or French.

Try to sound...

Is it like down the street from you or something?

All circuits are busy now.

No, no, no.

It's a pizza place, but they won't be able...

Oh, they blocked you.

Ah, it's not.

I'm just going to do...

I'm sorry.

I'm just going to do the pizza place.

Here we go.

Yeah, yeah.

That's fine.

Let's order a stupidly large pizza.

18 inches or something.

Do you order pizzas in centimeters or inches over there?

I'm just curious.

Is it inches?

Inches.

Inches, all right.

I know exactly what I'm going to say.

Okay.

Hi, I'm an American tourist

and I need a pizza.

Oh, there you go.

Sorry.

Alright, I'll call again.

Oh man, I got some strawberries in the fridge.

I'm going to eat the shit out of those.

And I'm going to take a nice Tylenol.

I'm going to take a couple Tylenol PM

with a beer, with a warm beer.

It's going to be a great night tonight.

I'm going to jerk off with my CPAP machine on.

Oh yeah.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, Dreamcast, Dreamcast, you're going to play Seaman, Seaman,

you ever play Seaman, that game, there was a game called Seaman on Dreamcast, yeah, it

was like this, it was a talking fish creature, no, I don't want that, is that going to make

me, my mouth, I wake up with a dry mouth all the time, will that help that, oh, my God,

Ah, yes, dude.

You're out.

Get rid of all your nose clogging, your running nose.

Shit.

I'm telling you, bro, I'm not mad.

No.

Call me a chicken.

You know how much trouble I've had with mine.

I'm telling you, that shit fucking needed my attention.

That human mind.

Oh, hang on.

I had the wrong line on hold, and then they answered.

Hang on.

Let me call back.

All right.

There you go.

Is that Kentucky Fried Chicken?

You wish.

Hello?

We got a sale on KFC.

Hello?

Yeah, is this the chicken restaurant?

Yeah.

Yeah, listen, I'm having a, I have a problem with, do you guys, like, order, how do you get your chicken?

Because I've got a whole, I've got a whole truck of chickens here.

They're very violent.

I'm just going to, I was thinking I was going to drive the truck into, like, a pool or a lake so that they all drown.

It's all right.

He's going to drive a truck full of chickens.

Fuck them.

Do you want to try the taxi people one more time?

V-Cars, yes, sir.

Sure, we will try.

And you cannot talk to them, you say, right?

No, I want a break from them.

Do they block numbers like that?

Because that was pretty quick.

Holy shit.

They might.

Your call cannot be completed as dialed.

That's right.

Seems so.

Well, by next week I can change it, so they'll go through by next time.

It's okay.

It's all right.

All right, Godfather, I'm going to...

Do you want me to send you numbers?

I'm about done.

I've probably got time for one more, and I've got some numbers left over.

No, no, no, no, I mean for next week.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Yeah, totally.

Totally, yeah, send them.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, let's do it.

Your Facebook?

Yeah, Facebook works.

Sure, that works.

Hit me up on the Facebooks.

Yep.

All right.

All right, I'll talk to you later then, buddy.

Thanks for calling.

Thanks for numbering.

Bye, Milton.

Bye.

He said bye.

All right.

Echo, stop.

All right.

We got time for one more.

How about another?

I got a list of nail places, so we'll just do another nail call here.

Short, simple, sweet.

I'm going to see if I can order nails with heat.

That's very stupid.

no all right i'll call i'll call a fucking ihop or something anyway we'll do i have a request here

someone's uh requesting on a voicemail a uh heat call call the heat you know the eggs we heat so

sure why not you know i heard i received feedback during our meetup that we need to stop doing all

the heat calls and i haven't done them in a while i think there was uh quite a few over time

The eggs?

Well, that's what I'm saying.

You know, you ask for heat, and they end up making them overdone.

I don't like my eggs overdone.

I like a little runny in there, you know?

Tell them you want them runny?

Yeah, dippy, drippy eggs.

That's what they call them in Pennsylvania.

Hello?

It's an a-hole.

What?

I hop.

I'll have to make an order, please.

What?

Stupid.

No, no.

There's no time.

Hey, you stupid.

Hello?

Hey, I need to make an order.

Come on, let's go.

go what would you like one eggs yes okay yeah cooked with heat okay what else would you like

one breads one bread okay breads breads breads yes yes yes i'm sorry yeah i'm so sorry one meat

my god you are your anus my anus excuse me what did you say i didn't say that you said

i'm an anus really you're disgusting you're disgusting how many fathers do you how many

How many fathers do you have?

You need to get a life.

Quit calling the restaurant.

Yeah, right.

Well, you're disgusting.

You talk...

You got to get a life.

You don't have a life.

You call the restaurant

and you act like a jerk.

You won't get a life.

Well, you...

I am a tourist.

All right, there you go.

Milkman,

I think it's time

to get us out of here

before we do any bullshit

and any more damage

to the world,

any more bad karma.

Yeah, she wasn't

too happy.

She was not.

did you know i had a really good eggs benedict i never had it before i had a good eggs benedict

for a really nice place oh it was delicious

that was good it had crab in it had crab lump crab meat with all they have crab in it that's

what's in them yeah well no they don't usually but this had lump it was like a special they

crab crab benedict the legs are prepared uh it's like poets in it it's a poached egg i guess

I think. Okay. I like

pushbacks. Yeah. Nobody take us out of here.

We got to go. Come on, man. I got to get

I got to. Oh, hey. Yeah, the

conference room. There's another meeting coming

in the conference room here. We got there waiting

outside. Come on. Let's go. Oh,

shoot. Oh, man. Don't

get up. Let's go. Hey, man.

Oh, shit. It's hard to tell.

Ethan and

Ian and UK Godfather

and Brandon and

the Bronx guy. And then there was like two

guys that didn't say their names.

New Zealand

wonderful uh friends out there man thank you so much for calling in great to hear your voice

finally god damn it that's right god darn it everyone on this man we're back 14 right here

right here we'll drop the time just give us the time man

so friend thank you so much for having me on it and bringing uh our crazy humor back to

once again man out of retirement back in the big power of day three uh okay milkman yeah everyone

uh thanks for tuning in tonight as milkman said all the thanks and i already thank thank you

thank you thank no more thanks

listen real quick madhouse live.com is a website go over there get your links for the tune in and

the apps in the shout cast youtube madhouse radio on youtube you could watch this show today

tonight you'll all upload it later if you missed it check it out on youtube madhouse on twit follow

me at madhouse on twit madhouse.live on facebook patreon.com slash madhouse become a supporter

get some benefits out of that uh coming up after the show discord.gg4 slash pranks that's the

The Discord room, the hijinks, one room by Pound Drum.

There's going to be some live pranks in there, after show going on.

Again, that's discord.gg slash pranks.

And be sure to leave a voicemail during the week, 405-396-6884.

That's 405-39-MOUTH.

And listen to Madhouse Radio on the go, 24-7-365, by dialing 605-475-0097.

Once again, that's 605-475-0097.

7, 100% free to you

and uses no data. Listen to the

show on your mobile device with no data by

calling that line. Look at that little hack I just

taught you. Milkman, I'll catch you next

week. I'll talk to you later, alright? Okay, buddy.

Talk to you later, man. Thanks a lot.

Smell you later, goddammit.

See you guys. Thank you.

Calls (33, 1 h 27 min of 2 h 34 min)

Transcript

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