“I’m Gonna Shave Your Head”

I'm going to shave your head.

You're going to what?

Well, we actually had...

Pardon me?

I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live.

I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito.

That's my big amigo.

So just kick back to listen to this cat call.

People, when this show goes live, I'll be like, damn, this shit's bitchin'.

Stop whatever I'm doing to tune in and listen.

You can catch me in the back of his home at Horse Machine Ranch Road.

I'm busting mad fat flows for assholes and banchos

My spit crazy, shout out to Big Amy

That's nice, honey, baby

We kissing pussies, so ladies, touch your labia

It's crazy how the stuff that my bruh might say to ya

Face it, cuz it's the number one prank cast

Stay back if you can't handle all the straight laughs

That we hand to your dome

And if you want, call the number

You can listen to this show on the go

Big up to the man in the madhouse

You show love, you stick your motherfucking hands up

Some come close, but they can't get it right

Let the king do his thing.

It's time for Madhouse Live.

Speak up to the man in the madhouse.

Show up just to get madhouse.

You heard about what's going on in there?

Heard a lot of bullshit talk.

I know that much.

This isn't bullshit, my friend.

Do you know something?

Don't listen.

What do you know?

Maybe I do and maybe I don't.

What I say is they got no business negotiating.

We ought to be going back in there with a bullet for everybody in the yard.

Oh, is that right?

We do it now, we do it later.

Later ain't gonna be no use.

Am I right, Al?

Now, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute, Frank.

We got a lot of angry guys in there, black Muslims, panthers, young lords.

Besides you, the average antisocial.

We gotta go in, right? Clean your clocks.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is The Main Event!

Whoops, my bad.

Hey everybody, it's Carlito of Madhouse Radio.

I thought I was broadcasting on MixLR and I was not.

I'm a stupid. We're on now.

No one heard the intro stuff.

Oh, well, all that preparation and planning and secret messages that I created for people to hear, they get nothing.

Well, anyway, Milkman, are you here?

Milkman!

Oh, motherfucker.

Oh, that's right.

The star of the show, presenting the Air Body.

Oh, he's back.

He's back.

14 seasons on the run.

That's right.

Man, it's a little better, buddy.

How you doing, man?

Glad to hear you're below the air.

I'm good.

Thank you.

I guess you're still convinced that my name is Herman.

All right.

That's right.

Hermanito, people.

The most sexual man ever.

Are you there?

Bonito.

Oh, cool, cool.

The place I was going to call the phone is busy.

Yeah, perfect.

Perfect.

I'm going to do some real nice things today.

Good, good.

Yeah.

And in 17 minutes, I'm coming down to August.

Echo.

Let's go.

Start a timer for 17 minutes for Marijuana Milkman.

All right.

How many downloads do you have?

No.

Any what?

Not yet.

Downloads.

Well, I'm going to answer the phone.

What?

Let me try the first one.

I was busy.

I'm going to get lavender.

What do you got?

Lavender?

What is this now?

What?

Lavender live resin.

Lavender LLR, liquid live resin.

That's good.

You know, I know, I know.

This is actually a wax form.

It's a live resin.

okay but you know the deal with the live resins right that's they they make it as soon as they

cut the plant uh off of off so that it doesn't really live with turks the minute you cut it's

like it's like fruit the minute you cut marijuana the buds off the plant it starts dying and all

those terpenes and all that start whittling away if you capture it as soon as you try to make it

as soon as you can as fast as you can um or freeze it is another method too i think they do

You keep as much of the real plant matter

It's as close to smoking the plant as you get

It doesn't degrade

Because oxygen of the atmosphere degrades the quality

The oxygen of the atmosphere

That's right

We got buzzing again

Well thanks everyone for tuning in

Try to get a quick prank here before we

Thank you for calling

Your call is very important to us

But we are currently assisting other customers

Please call back shortly or stop by and see us

Oh god they're busy too

This is a busy busy town

Every diner in this town is busy, motherfucker.

It's not time yet, Milkman.

You still have time.

Well, this one's ringing this time at least.

Finally, you answered the phone.

I was calling and calling, you know.

Yeah.

Were you over there painting the office or something, honey?

Oh, good, good.

All right, then I won't continue.

So, I need to make an order.

All right.

One eggs.

Mm-hmm.

One eggs.

Cooked.

Scrambled over medium, over hard.

Oh, you open the eggs, the shelled eggs.

You open the eggs, and you put them on the surface, and you add heat.

Because I'm trying to get warmed up here, you know.

Oh, man.

Come on, man.

Yeah.

Goofy, goofy, ha-ha.

Ha-ha, goofy, ha-ha.

Goofy, goofy, ha-ha.

Yeah.

And I will notify the audience.

We will not run that in the ground.

We'll do one or two of those per request.

We're not going to do them all next.

No, no.

I've been told by people when I did that meetup in New York, they would say, hey, we love

the show, Carlito, but you need to stop it with the heat calls.

It's too much.

I'm like, I haven't done them in like three months.

Well, I didn't even know that.

I'm just saying it because I've been sitting here on this side of it.

I never knew that.

I was just making the comment to the listeners that get crazy and constantly bug you with

messages.

If you've played it once, don't send another message to the show because we're not going

to do it again.

Oh, sure.

It's just a traditional thing, right?

We go ahead and do one, and there you go.

Well, I figured it was an easy one to do, a guaranteed pickup, and it gets me kind of going.

But in the meantime, my marijuana is kicking in.

Some people want to hear that for the whole content of the show, and that's not what that calls for.

That's like a warm-up kind of fun, throw-out-there call.

Okay.

All right.

You're right.

We will not do any more of those at all.

Thank you for calling Travel Centers of America.

If you know the extension you want, press 1.

To page a customer, press 2.

For the fuel desk, press 3.

For the general store gas station, press 4.

For parts and service, press 5.

For the restaurant and fast food, press 6.

For a manager, your call is being traced.

Oh, they've got a manager line.

Thank you for calling TA.

This is Bailey.

Hi, Bailey.

Is that Bailey like to drink?

Kind of.

It's still a little different.

Oh, wow.

Were your parents, like, drunks and stuff?

Oh, you know, my dad had it down, Pat.

I don't think my mom was too for it.

She was more, like, into heroin and stuff?

Yeah.

Okay, cool, cool.

So how you doing, old girl?

How you doing, big girl?

I'm doing good.

How about you?

Oh, good.

I need to make an order.

You need to make an order?

Yeah.

What do you need to make an order for?

One fuel.

One fuel?

Yeah.

One fuel.

How are we going to do that?

We're going to put it in a balloon.

Oh, okay.

Okay?

Okay.

Are there rules against that?

I don't think so.

I've never heard about it.

All right.

Can you go put it in a balloon?

All right.

I'll go put it in a balloon for you.

All right.

And then we're going to throw it at someone.

We're going to throw it?

Yeah.

And then we're going to throw matches at them.

Okay.

I don't think that's a great idea.

Do you think there's rules against that?

Yeah, I think there's rules against that.

Is there a rule, like, if I go over to where you are and I shave your head?

I just want to shave your head.

Yeah, let's don't.

I got a pair of wireless clippers.

Like, they don't have to be plugged in.

Oh, man.

Man, I'm going to shave girls' heads tonight.

Yeah.

Uh-uh.

No, you ain't.

Yeah, I do.

Oh, I thought you left.

Yeah, I'm going to shave your head tonight.

No, you ain't.

Yes, I is.

I'm coming to shave your head.

You can shave April's head, not mine.

All right, put April on the phone.

April.

Hello?

Hey, is your name April?

Yes.

Oh, I love girls' names that are months' names.

Yes.

Oh, this is Cross.

Hi.

Hi, I'm going to shave your head.

No, you're not.

Yeah, I am.

I'm going to shave your head.

You ain't going to even know what I'm going to do.

I'm just going to be, come up behind you and shave your head.

When do you go to your car to go home?

I'm going to go shave it then.

Now, who's this?

My name's Cross.

All right, we lost Milkman.

Hold it.

Shit, we lost Milkman.

Shit.

I shaved that girl's head.

No, you ain't.

Oh, yes, I is.

Forced head shavings today.

Where's that beep coming from, motherfucker?

No idea what's making beep.

What the hell's going on?

You took me?

No, you dropped.

I didn't do anything.

You dropped.

No, I hung up because I was on, like, hold for, like, three minutes.

All right.

Well, we restarted the program.

Here's a number.

Look, I did it right, Milkman.

I did it.

Look, I brought you guys.

Thank you.

Oh, I love you.

Big, big hug.

Hello?

Just so you know.

Pharmacy.

Pharmacy, motherfucker.

I want the fucking pharmacy.

Now, just say...

Motherfucking pharmacy.

Okay, would you like to speak with the pharmacy or the store?

The pharmacy.

Okay, I'm connecting you to someone who can help.

Hurry up.

I want them now.

Sorry, our staff is answering other calls.

Please hold on and we'll be with you shortly.

You're lying sack of shit.

You are sorry piece of fuck about what sorry is.

Thank you for calling Walgreens.

This is Emily speaking.

How may I help you?

Emily, we got to go.

Come on, let's go.

What's taking so long?

Where are we going?

What's taking so long?

For what?

You're taking too long to answer the phone.

You're taking too long to fill the prescription.

Sorry.

No, do it now.

Now, right now.

Okay.

All right.

What's it for?

I need 200 Klonopins.

I wish.

Okay, I'm going to shave your head while I'm there.

Oh.

Yeah, I'm going to come up behind you and shave your head with a pair of clippers that I got, battery-powered clippers.

I would prefer not.

No, you want it.

You know you want it.

I want to make you nice and bald like my little marine.

Oh.

And I'm going to pet you like my little chicken.

Okay.

All right, and then I'm going to feed you little corns.

What are you doing?

Are you pushing the buttons?

I'm waiting for you to tell me what you need.

I need 200 corn pins.

Okay.

What's your name?

My name is Cross.

It's your birthday.

Uh, 4-20-69.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Did you find me?

No.

All right, just start throwing stuff at me.

Just start throwing stuff when I come in.

Just start throwing the stuff.

Okay.

All right?

All the pills that you have, just throw them.

Throw them all.

All right?

And then bend over, and I'm going to shave everything, all your hair, electronically.

Oh.

All right?

And then I'm going to put Icy Hot in your asshole.

Interesting.

Okay.

Okay?

All right?

All right, and then I'm going to put, that was stupid.

There was a listener sent, that number said they were there,

and I was trying to make the listener laugh without getting in trouble.

That was very stupid and juvenile.

It was a very Milkman-style prank call.

I'm sorry.

I slipped, man.

I just kind of, you know, get warmed up.

I'm just trying to get warmed up.

That's all right.

It's all right.

It'll pass.

Don't get too warm, buddy.

Don't get too warm.

All right.

All right?

Don't get too hot.

All right.

I'll keep an eye on it, man.

I'll start reminding myself then next time.

Really?

Dude, that wasn't good at all.

I'm not feeling good about this show.

I'm thinking about packing it in already.

Unless things start coming around.

Bullshit.

Bullshit alert.

Get on the show, buddy.

We're all right.

Look, I did it right.

I did it right.

I'm worried that the incoming calls aren't going to work.

All right.

I get a good prank call.

I'll do our promos here.

Hey, cool.

You make promos.

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

All right, I'll try it again.

Give him another shot.

Yeah, hi.

You have some diabetes supplies, Lantus for sale?

Some Lantus for the Aviva?

That's the action show Aviva, right?

Aviva, the strips for the monitor.

Will those work with the, do you know, the Aviva Connect, the Bluetooth one?

Do you know?

You know, I don't know, and my husband is asleep at the moment.

Can I get your number and have him call you back?

Holy crap.

He's asleep now, though?

Uh-oh.

Is the sugar low?

No, it's just he's taking a nap.

Okay.

Sometimes he does it when I get out from work.

Oh, so it's just you and me right now, you're saying?

Yes.

Okay, all right.

Yeah, is he a type 1 or type 2?

I'm a type 2.

Type 1.

Oh, shoot.

Does he have any retinopathy issues?

I've been dealing with that, you know?

No, not yet.

What about erectile dysfunction at all?

Well, yeah, that's been for a good 10 years.

He's been a diabetic for 25 years now.

Oh, well, I don't have that problem yet, and I can, if you need me to sire you a good boy or girl, I can help you out with that.

Well, I have two full grown, I've got a grandbaby, we're not in that kind of way.

All right.

I don't need anything.

Okay, so, your name?

My name is Horse.

And a phone number.

Where are you at?

Well, I'm, well, I mean, I'm from the West Coast, but I moved here to Horse Machine Ranch.

Everyone calls me Horse, but my real name is Cross.

horse machine rant huh you raise horses well not really i'm like i'm like a liberal democrat but i

won the lottery in california and i i wanted to move out to the country and i'll tell you what

people here are been so bad to me i've only been here like two months and they've been terrible

with me terrible rednecks everywhere yeah and uh this this one redneck he was tailgating me you

you know?

So I tried to pull over

and he cut me off

on the right-hand side

and he brake-checked me

and then he started

masturbating.

He got to a red,

we got to a red light

and he started

masturbating

in front of me.

He got out

and was like,

yeah,

you want this?

You want this?

Because I have

a California license plate

still,

you know?

My sister,

he still lives

in California.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Did she ever have

any men masturbate

in front of her

like that?

No.

I can't say

as either one of us

have had.

Well,

actually I have.

We lived in Fort,

outside of Fort Hood,

Texas for a while, and, yeah, you could see anything going on there.

So, like, rednecks would just, like, pull over and start jerking it in front of you?

No, there'd be men humping it against the wall with some hooker.

That'd be more like what I envisioned and saw.

That's what you envisioned?

That's what you were into?

Okay.

Well, not envisioned, but that's what I saw.

All right.

Soldiers.

When I grew up there, there was 100,000 troops versus 30,000 townspeople.

Yeah.

Yeah, and are they Marines?

Is that Army-based or Marines?

Army.

Oh, yeah, Army.

They like to fuck, you know?

They like fucking a lot.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, so you're interested in just the strips?

Everything.

Everything you got.

All right.

All right, and I have hepatitis C.

Just to let you know, if I come to get them, I have hepatitis C, all right?

Well, God bless you.

Hope you...

Well, I mean, don't touch me or anything like that because you could get it, all right?

Well, touching is not a thing that I do with anyone but my husband, so don't worry about that.

Yeah, but I mean, you know, both our sugars could be low.

You know, a couple guys abroad, you know how things get sometimes, you know.

Are you? You sound young.

Guess how old I am.

Oh, in your 30s.

Yep, yep, mm-hmm, yep.

Well, we're in our 60s.

Nice, that's good. That's cool.

I can dig that. Yeah, that's cool.

That means you were like a hippie machine back in the day?

no never i'm gonna shave i'm gonna shave your head when i go over there all right

no thanks i'm gonna foreshave your head all right listen it's time to smoke marijuana i gotta go

all right we'll go smoke your pot all right smell you later bye big girl bye honey bye stupid well

she had fun with that didn't she milkman timer is done milkman milkman are you there hello

milkman hello hello you're muted if you're there echo stop echo saying that my marijuana milkman

man timer is done marijuana milkman you're talking while i'm on mute for the last minute

stupid because all you do is smoke marijuana anybody that's what i was saying i was cheering

you on saying good call and go shave your boots lady and it's time for the bomb hit man it's 4 23

well i was in a mental call so listen um i was muted so you couldn't even hear me because you're

You're high on drugs, and you can't even work the phone anymore.

No, because I get bitched out by the man if I make any noise during a call.

So to be a good boy, I mute you.

Because, motherfucker, you're like, I'm going to eat celery on the phone tonight, on the show.

It's going to be great.

Everyone's going to think it's so funny.

Crunch, crunch, crunch.

That was so funny.

So what do you got tonight?

What's your...

Oh, you can hear it.

That's the ball right there getting torched up.

All right.

And it's lavender?

What's the name of the strain?

Lavender?

Tonight, it's lavender.

It's an indica live resin, so it's really fresh.

It's 82.6% THC.

Damn.

It's really golden, and you open up the cover.

It's in a glass jar with a child-safe lid on it.

And you open it up, and you get this flowery smell.

Really, I swear to God, it smells like flower.

Well, Milkman, listen.

And then you get down right on it.

Yeah.

And then you start getting the indica, like, danky smell.

lavender is built from strains around the world lavender by soma seeds has its origins from super

skunk big skunk korean and afghani hawaiian the strains sometimes referred to as lavender kush

has dense buds that give off a floral and spicy aroma it has a dark purple coloration at the ends

of its dicks.

And it's high for

relaxation, happiness, and

uplifting, and

is good for stress and pain relief, as

well as insomnia. There you go.

The flavors are lavender, flower,

and sweet. Alright, there you go.

Good for you, Milkman. Good for you.

I'm on... No, no, no. I'm sharing that

with you and everybody. Of course

you're invited. No. Of course

you. No, I don't want that. Yes, you're allowed.

No, I don't... Am I going to put something in my body

that's called lavender? What am I? A fruit?

A fruitcake? What are you trying to say?

All right, then. All right, then. I'll rename it.

How about I call it Orange Crush, okay?

No, I have OG Kush. I'm fine.

I'll be just fine. Thank you.

Thank you, sir. No, thank you.

You didn't tell me. You've got a share here on our 420 here.

Share and let us know what you're cooking over there, daddy.

I'm on OG Kush, which makes up the genetic backbone of West Coast cannabis varieties.

But in spite of its ubiquity, its genetic origins remain a mystery.

It's a famed strain that arrived in L.A. in 95 after being transplanted coast to coast from Florida by its original propagators.

There you go.

And it's...

Did you ever find out what the OG stands for?

Original Gangster?

No.

That's the terminology for, like, musical, but I'm talking about OG in reference to strain.

Orange Grape.

Nope.

Optical...

Optimum...

Good.

You're just guessing like crazy.

One of my favorite strains that you all know is G.D.P.

What's that?

Granddaddy Purple, right?

So OG actually is a forerunner of Granddaddy Purple.

OG stands for Old Granddad.

That was the original strain that Cush came from.

The OG Cush came from, from Old Granddaddy.

So anytime you hear OG, it has the original forerunner,

which is called Old Granddaddy.

Yeah?

Well.

Yeah, a lot of people don't know that.

I've heard people say ocean grown.

I've heard people say this and that.

Almost always a name usually relates to the strain, okay?

Okay.

Almost always, you can kind of, if you look, you know, people are talking about their reading, right?

They're bragging the name, the reading, the strain.

OG was a strain.

Okay.

All right.

All right, brother.

Well, enjoy that.

I'm enjoying this.

I don't like the taste of this cartridge.

I might just go to something else here.

I got some sugar.

That's 82%.

What kind of cartridge you got?

Say what?

What kind of carcass did you cook?

A distiller?

You got a...

What is it?

No, this is...

A little bit like alcohol?

The LLR, liquid live resin, you know?

Oh.

Same as you.

You've got a wax and I've got...

You've got a waxy live resin.

I've got a liquid, more liquefied.

How do they liquefy it then?

Has it got a carrier agent in it of some form?

How do they liquefy?

I think they infuse it with...

I think it's like a coconut oil.

I don't know.

I don't know how they make this oil, dude.

You need to find out.

Always do your research.

Anytime you've got a liquid, dude, that's not normal.

You don't normally get liquid anything in weed, right?

You want to find out what the matter is and make sure, right?

All right, I heard it's cum.

Well, if that's the case, then I'll call you a flag boy, you know, like it, right?

Flag boy?

You cannot be confused.

Flag boy?

I prefer that out of my...

Puerto Rican flag flying people, boy?

Is that what you're saying?

Ah.

Well, if you have me a rainbow flagger in Puerto Rico, well...

No, the saying is that Puerto Ricans, we always have our flags and boricuas, too.

Maybe.

It's all good.

Yeah, gay rights is really big in Puerto Rico.

LGBT rights has been growing in Puerto Rico, and that's a good thing.

Yeah, hello.

I see you've got a reclaimed rustic barn tent.

Yes.

All right.

Well, look, I'm from California, you know, and I won the lottery out there.

I hit the mega box lottery, and I moved out here like two weeks ago.

I bought a ranch at this new development, Horse Machine Ranch in Rogersville.

i don't know if you know where that is no not right off hand all right well it's it's basically

this brand new 50 acre ranch and i don't know what i'm doing at all i've got chickens i got

horses here cows they all came with it they're all included in the mortgage and i don't i don't

know there's two cows i got three horses one's a lippins on and i got like good 20 chickens um

what's the barn 10 dude what can i do with that i'm just trying to outfit this place as best i

i can't i don't know what the hell i'm doing oh this is just old barn tin where i re-roofed the

barn it's just like you see out here rusted tin like a rusted tin i mean it doesn't do nothing

for the animals can it like feed them the tin no i got a billy goat will he eat that no no it

just come off the roof that's all this is roof and tin well i mean all right here's my question

i don't know do you know a good veterinarian because i grew up and they always used to say

that billy goats would eat anything that they'd eat the tin and the garbage and all that stuff

so i i had we had some spare like metal and concrete from when they built the ranch and i

was feeding it to this one billy go and i don't know he doesn't move that much anymore well i

don't believe i would have paid him what metal yeah i don't have paid him the metal and the

concrete what what do you think i mean do you think i get him checked out he hasn't shit in

forever either probably john slaughter roger john slaughter john slaughter do you know the guy have

Have you dealt with him before?

No, I just know who he is.

Okay.

Does he advertise a lot?

He's reputable?

Oh, yeah, he's reputable around Rochville.

All right, now, listen, you're saying slaughter.

Like, I'm not looking to get meat.

I want to save this billy goat if I can, you know, because I don't like cutting the grass.

No, that's his last name.

That's his last name.

All right, because I don't like mowing the grass.

I need this billy goat here to keep the grass down, you know what I mean?

No, no, no, that's his last name.

Okay, all right.

All right, do you have animals at all, or, like, what do you got?

No.

No?

Alright, okay, because I saw you got a barn

I don't know if you had any animals or anything

Like that, alright

So you don't have any experience with animals?

No, sir

Do you know anyone with experience with animal husbandry?

Mating the animals, having them mate

And have sex and ejaculate inside them

Thank you

What about that? Thank you, why?

Thank you

That was not funny

Not looking good for prank calls of the week

If I don't get enough good prank calls on the show

I don't make a YouTube video, that's the rule

we had a hey i just want to thank everyone who i hit up the prank calls of the week is back on

youtube we'll get one more let me try this guy again and uh regardless of the outcome we're

gonna take a pause here for our promotions and then we'll get into it we'll play some voicemails

a little bit later we'll take some calls a little bit later i'll talk to the haters and the trolls

he just called it he picked up the hung up motherfucker god damn in other news homer

Homer, the dog here stinks.

He smells really bad.

Fucking hound dogs, Milkman, right?

Hey, I'm off mute.

What happened to Homer?

He smells.

He smells bad.

He smells mad.

Oh, he smells.

Oh, I thought you said he was being mad.

No, no, no.

We took him to puppy daycare, and he got all stinky.

Look at those white people don't wash their dogs right, and they bring them into the daycare,

and they get all, they start playing, and the next thing I know, I got a stinky-ass dog.

uh he's knocked out i wanted

to have him here so he'd be on camera but he probably just started crying and being a bitch

so i decided against that milkman listen let's uh let's get to the uh promotional stuff here

all right really quick the website is madhouse live.com you can visit madhouse live.com our

Our other site is madhouselive.com.

Over there, you can find links to the podcast, which you can subscribe using Stitcher and TuneIn and iTunes.

Those links are there.

Also, if you'd like, you can listen to our shoutcast feed there or also via a separate TuneIn link.

Those are available there as well.

You can also watch the YouTube feed of the show right now.

The channel is Madhouse Radio on YouTube.

You can go direct to YouTube or go to madhouselive.com.

It is embedded in the front page.

you can watch me doing prank calls right here right now if you're watching on youtube right

now thank you very much for doing so remember that there is no music on youtube if you want

to hear the music i would recommend you head over to madhouse live.com and tune in there

where you'll hear wu-tang clan right now milkman selected some music this week we're going to play

at least a couple of those songs i'm excited about that i'm sure they're really good songs i can't

Don't worry.

Oh, boy.

Be sure to follow us on Twitter, Madhouse on Twitter, at Madhouse on Twitter.

Facebook, while you can get us on Facebook, Madhouse.live, Madhouse.live on Facebook.

Holy shit, let's stop that for a second.

Milkman, did you hear what happened to Facebook today, man?

The biggest loss in stock market history.

They lost.

Oh, I heard they're underselling now.

Yeah, they got, like, big drop in their prices.

They under-budgeted their, under-met their gains or whatever.

Yeah, plus all the privacy issues.

I think they lost 151, was it 151 billion today they lost?

Mark Zuckerberg went from the second richest man in the world

to the fourth richest man in the world today?

I mean, what?

It's not a big deal, dude.

I mean, if you put it in real perspective, it's nothing.

Because remember, they own Instagram and they own the WhatsApp, too.

It doesn't matter.

That stuff is fleeting.

It's all fleeting.

I've already heard, right?

It's fleeting.

listen ever ever since they're ever since their ipo in 2012 i've always said i don't understand

what the value is behind this motherfucker same thing for twitter i don't understand what the

value is behind this shit um i don't know i they're way overvalued i don't think they're

going to make it out of this i think this is it for them i mean it's going to be a slow death i

mean fucking the myspace is still around technically but i think that i'm hoping that

that they may have to make changes.

You heard the further news, right?

In the European Union, now they have an opt-out button,

and you don't have to give any information.

You're allowed to use Facebook here.

Facebook is so pissed about it that they're considering taking out the U.K.

But if they do that, then they're going to lose all kinds of business opportunities

and create ripples around everybody else.

They won't do it.

People are going to want to talk to the U.K.

They won't do it.

And now they're mentioning and saying, oh, well, we're going to have to, like, increase our security.

So that's why we're not going to be making our goals anymore.

It's a bunch of bullshit, dude.

Yeah, they're saying that, but they won't do it.

They won't pull out.

Didn't they get a big fine out there, too?

Or was that Google that got that big fine a couple weeks ago or last week or something?

Google got it.

Right, it was Google.

Google got that one.

Yeah.

But actually, Facebook was supposed to go to the U.K. and face Parliament.

And you know what the motherfucker did?

uh he said i think you ain't important he didn't even know he didn't go to him for the

party was just a fate like he did in the states of in front of senate the senate

yeah he sucked ass in the states but he said fuck the farm he didn't give a fuck

you know and there is a bunch of shit did you hear the other thing no he also i heard his voice

they had it on the news man he defended and said uh well uh facebook is about bringing ideas of

of other people to all people of the world

and exchanging freedom of ideas and blah, blah, blah.

And he said that these Holocaust fakers,

the people said there was no Holocaust and all that shit,

and going down that whole line of the anti-Semitic thing,

it's okay, because it's a point of view.

He said, okay.

You know, we all know what Facebook is for,

and it's for stalking people I hate,

like my ex-girlfriend from high school and shit like that.

Yeah, datamining and stalking, exactly.

That's what it's for.

What else?

What do you use?

You've told me before, you stalk all these women on Facebook all the time.

You look at them, and you see their pictures with their husbands and their children,

and you're like, oh, goddammit, I could have had that.

That's why I'm on my account every day, man.

You're Roger Franklin.

Milkman, listen, there have been several voicemails already

since we started the incoming voicemail again asking for a way to hit you up on Facebook.

Facebook. Did you want it? I mean, do you want to

do a Facebook present? You better do it now

before it's gone. You know what I mean? Now's the time.

What do you mean? What? What are you

telling me, dude? Okay, tell me again.

Fill me in. What did I miss?

They want you to have a Milkman

Facebook account that people can follow

and interact with and stuff like that.

How am I supposed to do that? They took it

away. Okay, let me tell you. Okay, let me explain

something to you guys, all right?

I started years ago,

what, over, what, six or seven years ago

when I first started my account, I wasn't

even going to do it because i love you guys and everybody wanted a way to like hook up with me

and communicate with me because i don't really talk anywhere else but right here or in the old

chat rooms and the old days on best well i put my account with milk first name last name man

and that was okay until about 18 years ago when all that shit when all these like wars were going

on and all the haters on facebook and told them that that wasn't my real name

What the fuck have I not been milked at?

I know who did that.

I'm not going to say this woman or man's name, but there was someone going around doing that to all of us.

What the bullshit I went through, dude.

You know, I know, like, personally, probably, like, one of you, right, out of, like, the 2,000, 3,000 people on my account.

So I had to go, and they made me, like, look, like, 30 people's accounts and pictures.

And luckily, my memory is so good that I actually get the right people for the right pictures.

and they let me back in the account, dude.

It sucked.

It took me five times to do it.

Yeah.

And I finally got back in.

And then they told me, okay, if I want to keep the account,

I have to put my real name on it.

Yeah.

Or submit an ID that says that this is your real name.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't have a government ID that says Milkman.

So I put my real fake name on it.

Okay.

So if you're interested in finding me,

you have to look for me as Roger Franklin.

Uh-huh.

Not because I'm still not the Milkman.

Man, I had to put my real fake name on it.

You better let Miami have a happy account.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, I know someone who had to do that.

They made a copy of a fake ID.

I'm not going to say who, so someone out there listens and goes,

Tee hee, I'm going to write them up for it.

But it worked.

They just made a copy.

You just have to send a picture of a fake ID.

They sent it.

They did a school ID.

It worked perfect.

Yeah.

Yeah, motherfucker.

Yeah, I didn't have a school ID, man, because, you know.

Well, they didn't either.

They didn't either.

Either they just made a fake school ID with a picture on it, and that's all they did.

Yeah, it wasn't that big a deal for me at the time, you know,

because, like, you know, I was lucky to get the account back

because, like, you know, I don't know what happy people do out there.

I don't know.

I just mostly communicated just with the people that actually messaged me,

and that wasn't very bad.

Right.

It's not because I'm hiding.

So I had to change it to Roger Franklin.

And I'll tell you that since all this shit was Facebook, actually, before it started,

remember about a year ago i i told everybody that stuff was going on with facebook i have not been

on it too much because all the bullshit that's been going on and since i've been off of it not

checking the account i'm still there i just don't check because i don't like logging in on my

computer and then knowing that i'm going to look at my account you know i mean every time you look

at your account they know you're logged so anyway i need to log back in and go see it but uh yeah

it's not because i don't want to be with you you know and i don't know how you get a

what is it, star account?

What do you call that?

Whenever you're like a personality or whatever.

Verified account.

Is that what it is?

I don't know.

I believe so.

Like Madonna and them.

How do they get these accounts?

They get them with their stages.

Verified account.

Is that what that is?

Yeah, it's called a verified account, I believe.

On Twitter, it's called a verified account.

I don't think celebrities really do Facebook publicly.

They do Twitter.

No, they do.

You look them up.

You look up your favorite star.

They're on there.

and there's also fake

Snapchat's real big too

they use Snapchat a lot too

I know that

shit like that

Instagram

on the gram

as they say

so I mean

that's the only reason

it's not because

I'm playing games

with the name

it's because

somebody fucked me over

so one of my

one of your friends

out there

one of my fans

not my friend

I don't have friends

that do stuff like that

Milkman

I don't have friends

that do stuff like that

alright

well the person out there

I'm talking to

is listening

so you know

they know how I do it

it's alright

it's all good man

I'm back

yeah so come on baby do it again you fuck yeah fuck come on do you know my real fake name now

roger frank there you go look for roger franklin we'll figure that out you're still what they still

want you in discord i'm getting a message right now from the discord administrators

they want you in there motherfucker come on yeah we're gonna talk about that after you

gotta tell me i don't know what it is discord.gg forward slash pranks that's what it is that's

the chat room that we primarily pay attention to here discord.gg slash pranks uh patreon.com

slash madhouse support madhouse support we just ask for a dollar if you have it and you'll get

instant access to all these shows when we do them live tonight when we end the show at 10 p.m eastern

7 pacific you will receive a uh it'll it'll hit your drop box you'll get a copy of the show

unedited and 128k so that you don't have to wait for the show to be edited and all that stuff and

posted um yeah so there we go i think that's enough promos right now we'll get to some more

we'll play some voicemails in a little bit in the meantime let's do some more prank calls

we're wasting time milkman someone has garden vegetables for sale sweet and hot banana peppers

tomatoes yellow red we're on the air we're not wasting time oh you're right we're every you know

and we're you know dropping dimes and making time baby yeah and madhouse is for the children by the

No way, I just want to say it's all about the children.

Hey, dude, it did this.

You're here, you're here.

All of them, the children within all of us, right?

Well...

People will find this funny.

But here you are, here you are, people.

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

All right, we'll try them again.

Don't panic.

And I'm just calling swap shops.

We got numbers from Big Ethan,

And we got numbers from Big Parkman also to get to.

Big Parkman.

Parkman, Milkman.

I said Parkman.

I said.

All right.

Parkman.

Yeah.

Parkman.

Yeah.

Parkman.

Can you do a Jack Masterson tonight?

Oh, yeah.

Thank you, sir.

All right.

This Joker isn't picking up.

We got another one here for a 40 by 70 utility trailer.

Good conned.

Pressure treated flow.

Hello? Bearing buddies?

Whatever the fuck this means.

I got balls. 178 balls.

Yeah. Woo. Balls. Milkman.

I know you're a big fan of balls.

There you go, man. Basketball.

Baseball. Football.

Football. Nutballs.

Nice round balls.

Sports. Sports. Sports.

Oh.

I'm being... I've had to pee a lot.

Hello? Hello?

Hey, brother. How you doing?

You got a reclaimed...

What is it? A utility trailer?

All right, what can you tell me about that?

I think it's 74 inches long.

It's 40 inches between the fender wells.

The fenders are only about an inch and a half, two inches higher than the actual bed.

So if you were putting a lawnmower with a wider deck on it, it would be right over the top of them.

Okay, now when you use this trailer, is this for driving around trailer to go camping, or what is it for?

It's a utility trailer.

Okay, so I could throw lawnmowers and stuff to do landscaping?

Yes, it's a flatbed.

okay all right but it's a flat it doesn't close it's a flatbed trailer it's a flatbed trailer

all right okay and when you what's with the balls that you got on it

okay what and what do the balls do stupid fucking fucking stupid

I don't want to do that

I'm just playing gay porno sounds

I don't

I'm just

fucking retarded

I got the FU button

we're gonna leave gay

we're gonna leave gay sex

on the voice phone

get ready milkman

cover your ears

if you don't listen to it

you're not gay alright

I was leaving a voicemail.

Hang on, let's listen.

Oh, I'm sorry.

No, it's okay. You didn't know.

I was on hold.

re-record press three okay can i hear it how do i hear it yeah hang on we'll be quiet you gotta

let me hear the option if you're satisfied with the message press one yeah to listen to your

yes here we go two two all right there goes

goes oh oh oh yeah oh yeah oh so crazy sex

hey you almost shut up and let me talk to your mom

if you're satisfied with the message press y to listen to

to leave the number for which you are calling press pound

to leave another callback number enter the 10 digit number

then press pound to leave no number press pound oh my god thank you your message has been sent

all right see maybe that guy will call back that'd be really funny that's weird right glass breaking

and shit i know i know you heard the music i know i didn't i know i know i was stuck in the room

room with the homo recording i didn't think i was on air because i was in the room by myself

that's some weird fucking shit though milkman right it's it's it's gay sex and springs going

up and down and glass breaking and pissing and you're going hermano hey hermano hey gay gay

Hey, guys, stop talking.

All right, maybe that guy will get some entertainment out of that.

Okay, someone is looking for a dog fence run.

I'm not looking for a small kennel, but more of a small fenced-in lot.

So he's looking to get some dog fencing run.

All right.

Don't know.

Your car cannot be completed without dials.

I dialed it wrong.

Shit.

Hey, does the master control number still work, if I call it?

It should.

All right.

It should, buddy.

We're going to have to go take a piss, man.

It's really bad.

I don't have a jug here to put it in.

The piss.

The penis and the piss.

Oh, hell.

You got to put that on the camera when you put that guy on.

No, I'll turn the camera off.

All right, they just hung up.

They completely hung up.

Let me play a quick prank call while I go take an emergency pee.

The problem is it won't take more than eight minutes.

No, it'll be faster than that, guys.

But I got to pee.

I got to pee.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, guys.

Here's a prank call from the United Kingdom

Play one of my songs, man

Play one of my songs

I don't have them ready

Give me one, give me one

Oh yeah, what's stupid?

No, no, no, no, Sizzle Lean

Sizzle Lean, is this a good song?

Dude, if I requested it, it's a great song

I don't know, man

This one time you sent me this music

That frickin', what's his face?

The Manning, Eli Manning

Or not, whatever, the other Manning, the old Manning

I was singing on.

I'm like, ooh.

I don't see a song.

No, you did.

Don't start.

Yeah.

No, no, no.

Listen, I don't see a sizzling song here.

How does it go?

How about Unfunky UFO?

Unfunky UFO.

The freeze.

Sizzling me.

The freeze.

Okay, well, you got to tell me the whole thing, Papi, because I don't know.

I'm sorry, brother.

I'm sorry.

I thought you caught it the first time.

No, no.

All right, let's see if this plays the way I just click it.

Hang on.

Looks like it will, Milkman.

milkman looks like can you hear it all right everyone stand by i'll be right back all right

hey milkman i'm back you know what i just figured out all right you know i just figured out

that played all over the youtube now they're gonna shut us down

oh man it might not it might not trigger

i should have muted on the youtube my bad well that was my song anyway that's not that's not

No, it's not.

Anyway, you're right.

All right.

Let's get let's get on with it here.

Let's continue.

We're going to try that dog fence call again here.

I think this is the guy I called him off that awkward message.

Your call cannot be completed as dialed.

Please check the number and dial it.

Yeah, Milkman, I don't know what's going on.

I've been pissing a lot the last couple of days.

It's bad.

not any more than usual i think there's something wrong with the madhouse

direct dial-up line because it keeps hanging up on that dial

i think it's me down around

no i said the direct dial line if you want to listen on the phone line you can hear it

hangs up on you oh really the uh that's right 605-475-0097

Let me test that.

Good call.

Let's see what's going on there.

I called it, and then it just rang, and then it hanged up.

Because we are encoding on Shellcast.

Well, it should be working if we're encoding on Shellcast.

Let's find out.

It's stuck.

Yeah, it's not going.

You know, we ought to do, like, when we first

Initialized the show, you know

We just kind of, like, booted up

We ought to, like, go through all the systems

Like, do, like, a little, like, silent checklist

You know, you can all up and check this word

Check that word

Well, I do that, I just

I do that, I just don't remember what's

What

I don't remember what

Just make you, like, a little, like, a little, like, checklist

That you can, like, finger touch

Like, on an iPad or, like

I got one called Lisp Master

And you just check the boxes, right?

And you can honestly just re-cycle and uncheck it, right?

Or you can have it, like, remove once it's finished.

Like, if you check it, it'll remove, right?

And it's not on the list.

All right.

Anyway, you just, like, make a little 10-page list, you know,

or 10-item list.

Come down to 10, and it's all gone.

It's just a little go, baby.

A bunch of shit, man.

Put the madhouse in the air.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but indeed, it's not working for me.

I don't understand why.

That's weird.

All right, well, the reason why is because whenever I get nowhere to go,

I like to at least listen to see what our audio sounds like when I'm not on the show anymore.

Right.

I'm going to try it one more time, but yeah, it looks like it's not even going out.

And it looks like it's been all day, according to this.

Well, now it's ringing.

There it goes.

It's working now.

Motherfucker, Carlito, you suck.

There it goes.

It's working now.

Motherfucker, Carlito, you suck.

Yeah, it's working.

It's going now, but it did take a while to pick up there the first time.

So, everyone, yes, you can tune in on the go, 605-475-0097.

7. Listen on any

landline or cell phone. You don't need a

data plan for that. You don't need internet service.

You just need a working phone.

And you can tune in

to the show.

If you can't hear us on shoutcast,

please call in.

If you can't hear us on shoutcast,

No, shoutcast is working.

Don't say that. We'll find out.

Echo.

Play Madhouse Prank Call Radio on TuneIn.

TuneIn.

It looks like it's been all day.

Yeah, it's working.

We're on shoutcast.

We're good.

Yeah, like I said, everyone, if you want to listen on your Amazon Alexa-enabled device,

just say Alexa Play Madhouse Prank Call Radio.

You can also do, for just the podcast, you can do Alexa Play Madhouse Prank Call Podcast.

I haven't figured out a way to simplify that, but that's what's up.

Speaking of which, if you guys want to call in, the phone lines are now open.

405-39-MOUTH.

That's 405-396-688-FO.

405-396-688-FO.

You can go to madhouselive.com.

If you missed that, go to the website, and it is posted there.

Madhouselive.com, madhouselive.com.

Wherever you are, whatever you prefer, go there.

Phone lines are now open.

You're still doing it to me, bro.

He's still hanging up on me when I call him.

They must be having trouble with it, buddy.

Here, we got a caller.

We got a caller.

We'll call him.

Caller, you're on the air.

Please be nice.

Caller, hello.

Hello.

Hi.

Operators are now taking calls.

Hi, how can we help you?

Caller, please leave your name.

All right.

Okay, moving right along, Mr. Caller.

Yeah, are you a soundboard?

Soundboard?

Yeah, that's why.

Oh, it's a Howard Stern soundboard.

Okay, I think somebody's playing and listening on that.

You have to take your answer.

No, no. Milkman, come on. It's a soundboard. It's a Howard Stern soundboard.

Oh, I can't hear very good. I'm sorry.

Well, it's shitty quality, too. We can barely hear you. We can barely hear you, guy.

All right. Well, okay. We can't build a show that's shitty quality.

Hey, hey.

Hey.

Hey, it's Ethan.

Hey, Ethan. What's up, Ethan?

What's going on?

Hey, not bad. Thanks for calling in. How you been?

Not too bad.

It's good to hear you, Ethan.

It's Brad Carter.

Ethan.

As Brad Carter said in the chat last week, it's Ethan from last week.

That's officially my name.

That is.

Yeah, Ethan, Milkman, you named him Ethan from last week.

Ethan last week, you called him.

Ethan from last week.

Oh, it's Ethan from last week.

Hey, brother.

I couldn't hear your audio.

It was so low there.

Yeah, you're low.

I was afraid that we were getting a prank call or something.

Yeah, you got to check that Bluetooth, man.

Yeah, I was fucking around on that Howard Stern soundboard.

It's all right.

No worries.

Okay.

Nice try.

It was just your audio was a little low.

Do a sound check, too, before you start your check.

Look at Milkman.

Milkman's the fucking sound engineer.

The king of bad audio over here, Milkman.

Hey, look, you've got to be able to do something good, right?

If you're king of bad audio, you should be able to critique everybody.

Because you know what it sounds like?

That's right.

Yeah, you know what the shit audio sounds like.

All right.

If you want to sound like me, continue doing what you're doing.

Yeah, really.

Your call cannot be completed as dialed.

Please check.

God damn this fucking thing.

Oh, because I didn't put a one in.

And I'm calling some of your numbers here there, Big Ethan,

which includes a HANA Accord Special Edition.

Your call cannot be completed as dialed.

As dialed?

Check the number.

It's because there's dots.

Check with your provider.

Because there's dots.

Your fingers are too fast.

It's dots instead of dashes.

I blame Ethan for this.

Ethan from last week, you know, that's what it was.

My bad.

It's all right.

Craig will copy-paste.

Your fingers are too fast.

Do you want dashes or dots or dashes?

Dashes and a one helps out also, saves me some time.

You can or can't.

Jesus Christ.

You don't have to add a plus to the beginning, but it helps out.

Skype needs a plus.

If I have a plus, it goes either way, so don't worry about it.

I can't.

Dude, I'm just off today.

Yeah, I just.

So use the full format, then use the plus, then, if you're going to send it in.

It doesn't matter.

because i don't dial skype i don't dial skype copy it and paste it at that point

so did the thursday show so i got a fucking going dude milkman is at 68 cadillac deville

hey you got a 2012 honda quartz special edition four sill automatic leather alloys mp3 auxiliary

auxiliary power seats cold ac 167.000 miles runs and drives very good clean tittle asking 69

yeah zero zero dollar sign caller text hello i got a little too carried away with the 69 i think

that's what did it my bad

everyone be sure to visit discord.gg slash pranks if you're in discord if you have the

discord app or where you'd like to sign up that's a chat room where people chat

there you go people chat with us we got someone in search of a ride to the dallas

Dallas, Texas area on their way back to Phoenix, Arizona.

I can go anywhere that is convenient for you to pick me up,

and I can be dropped off anywhere in the Dallas area, blah, blah, blah.

I can help out with that.

Polite college educated school teacher.

All right, cool.

Polite.

We'll see about that.

Let's see.

I was sipping on beers while getting these numbers at my local bar.

Really?

Living the life, man.

And eating wings.

Got to have a nice cold brew after work.

Got to love them wings, man.

oh yeah what'd you get that garlic garlic mild spicy buffalo hot buffalo buffalo wash it down

with some corn the head's itchy you have reached the voicemail box of it might be the fact that

the outgoing caller id says big business isn't it yeah it's only a small marketer yeah big business

you have reached okay that didn't work we got a prius someone's got a prius so gas is cheap

we don't get lost the next time that's another ride share that's a different ride share so

They're doing a ride share?

Okay.

They're heading to Lake Winn at Passo.

Okay, okay, cool.

Yeah, you have a Prius, so gas is cheap.

Yep.

Good.

And you're heading to where now?

You got a ride share going on?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah, I should have to pull it down.

I already went to New Hampshire and back.

Oh, why?

I know.

I wanted to stay there longer.

You need a ride, huh?

Yeah.

I do.

do when are you going back your friend over there is uh climaxing to this so so i i think i'm gonna

go no he's not he stopped he stopped i told him i waved them off i said not now all right yeah i

like to shave girls heads oh really yeah yeah but i i do but what i was gonna do is like we were

gonna give me a ride share and i was i need to be in backstruck and sleep and then i was gonna

shave your head from behind oh oh well like by force leave it then i like my hair it's a good

good thing it's a good thing i was going to shave your dirty head uh well i usually shave it when i

break up with somebody so it's long now so it means i'm in a good space is that to do is that

to delouse yourself looking for a ride is that to delouse yourself because you oh i've had i've had

lice and worms all that good stuff yeah pubic lice right uh that's crab yeah that's different

no that's that's lice that's lice that's lice pubic lice all sorts of things so that's when

when you shave it down you're disgusting they're probably all over that nasty prius of yours

oh yeah right yeah so i guess we won't need a ride but thanks for calling all right well

you're lucky you would have gotten a shave dirty girl okay

i'm all about i don't know why i got it i was taking a shower i was like oh it'd be funny to

just say tell women i'm gonna shave your fucking head like it's just a weird tell billy guns that

Yeah. Oh, yes. Can you imagine? All right. All right. Let's let's let's get Joey.

At some point, Joe is going to get some point. Joe is going to get used to fucking getting called on Thursdays.

But fuck him. Right. Fuck him. Right. Yeah. Next time. Next time we do another year.

Well, we got to go see Joe again. Oh, fuck you, too. But I can't talk.

I mean, you guys got to be you're going to be like, I got to retire.

They're just going to put out orders.

They'll just be mute the whole time.

Yeah, and he's a super cool dude.

Remember, I was like, I showed him my marijuana, medical marijuana card and exited.

He's like, oh, that's not it.

Like, oh, yeah.

He's like, where'd you get that?

Like, how did you do that, bro?

I need to get that.

He kind of looks like Gabriel Iglesias.

Yeah, but, like, I would fight Gabriel Iglesias, but I probably wouldn't want to fight Joey Guns because he's got guns.

That's the name.

Yeah.

A super nice guy.

I mean, this is no, I have nothing wrong with the guy.

Oh, hey, real quick.

I'm being reminded by myself, by my sticky note that I left here on the computer,

that the sponsor of today's show via Patreon is Patreon subscriber Tabor, T-A-B-E-R.

That's the code name.

Tabor is contributing one cent a month.

Wow.

Thank you.

All right, Tabor.

How did he get under the radar there?

Well, thank you, Tabor, for your one penny a month.

How in the heck is he going to be able to afford that, man?

He's going to have to get a loan.

Can somebody loan this guy a penny, man?

I don't know.

No, fuck that, Tabor.

Look, I'm not saying that one cent a month isn't enough,

but it says you've been donating since 2015 one cent a month,

but a total of $0.

I don't think this guy has been donating this whole time.

So instead, we'll go to Desi.

I don't like to give out the full name, but Desi is in the snakes, apparently, and has been donating since February of 2015.

That is a militia member, a $1 member.

Thank you very much.

Wow.

Debbie.

Oh, Debbie.

Or Desi.

Desi.

Oh, Desi.

Yeah.

Desi.

Yeah.

All right.

Joey Guns.

Let me get that number to Google Maps.

so we go and to locate

Joey Guns' place.

We've shown him how it's done there with the guy

one cent guy. One cent

store and more. One cent.

I don't think that covers a transaction

thing. I think that's why it says.

That must be on purpose this guy did that.

That motherfucker's getting free shows

and shit. Get the show.

They found a loophole.

Do they charge you a fee for being a

contact creator? Do they take

a portion out every month? They take a portion out.

I'm sure they're taking the whole cent for that person.

No, for you, I get 10 bucks a day.

Oh, me?

Do they screw you or not too bad?

No, I don't get screwed.

They just take a percentage out of the whole bulk thing for every month.

No, that's not bad.

That's not bad.

They probably have a sign that I do not answer the phone on Thursday.

Beer authority.

Yeah, I'm calling Joey back.

No, he's not here.

I'm sorry.

No, he is.

He just talked to me.

No, he's not here.

I'm sorry.

He just talked to me and said to call him back.

He had to go.

He's in the bathroom.

Joey DeBenter?

Yes.

Yeah, no, he's not here.

I'm sorry.

you're a filthy woman i guess he's not there today shit i think they're covering for him if

you ask me he's fucking there well we tried we'll have to call him on a different night and all that

shit it sounded very suspicious to me very suspicious to me i don't trust it here's another

one back to notepad we go we did the prius already yes okay we got a homeless person looking for work

I need to get myself out of homelessness.

I'll take any work, no drug or criminal history, depression, and poor decisions.

Okay, I am 40, healthy, computer literate with a college degree.

That's what they all say.

I think we need some help on Horse Machine Ranch again.

Where you at?

I don't know.

I don't know if they can maybe, if they're living in their car, they could show up.

Do you know what?

Can you share what town this is in?

New Haven.

Okay, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

Got it, got it, got it.

And I believe there is a Walmart.

Oh, there's a Walmart in every town just about.

Unless you're in Chicago.

Yeah.

Is there a Walmart in New York City?

I don't think so.

It's in the Target.

There's a Kmart.

There's a Kmart still?

I don't know.

Toys R Us is closed.

I saw them closing when I was down there.

Yeah.

The text now subscriber you are trying to reach is not available.

Please leave your message after the tone.

That fucking, whatchamacallit, that giraffe, April the giraffe from last year that had

a shit out of baby.

baby it's pregnant again and yeah well last time i don't know if they're going to show a video but

this time well i'm gonna still get another sponsor they have to last time the sponsor was toys r us

because of you know jeffrey the giraffe that ain't gonna happen this year that's probably why

they went bankrupt sponsoring bullshit like fucking yeah yeah i got banned from like three

chat rooms on facebook for saying dumb shit about the giraffe's vagina and that was pretty gross

us when that baby came out it was like it was like well you have to go ahead and talk about

the horse your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system i'm playing video

that right now giraffe being born go ahead and do the horsey cat chat room the horsey cat chat room

it's the horsey cat chat room sir is that a giraffe or somebody taking a shit no that's a

giraffe coming no it's not that's someone taking a shit uh last number on this list i've got a free

rca big screen tv hell yeah it's one of those stupid projection ones i bet you just got some

burning too probably a lot of porn been watching on there yeah when i i knew this uh cuban guy

they went to church with us and the son wanted me to bring over the my nes to hook up to the

projection screen thing back and it was like back in the 80s and it yep it fucked it up

it permanently screwed it up it left like you could see like the the mario stage still on the

on the projector all burned in and we only played it for like two hours three four four but you can

you can see all that shit yeah ruined it ruined it ruined it then the guy was all pissy about it

my dad was like well it's not my it's not my son's fault you said you wanted to bring the nintendo

man it's not my son's fault so you didn't really have that kind of accent yeah it kind of goes

yeah yeah selling the goji berry juice shit some people might know what i'm talking about

Yeah, you talked about that a couple years ago.

Yeah.

Milkman, you ever try goji juice or goji berries?

You know what that is?

I've seen them, but I've never had any of them.

They're like dried ones.

Yeah.

They're kind of like a little red.

They're kind of a little bit long.

They're tiny.

Yeah, they're almost...

It's really weird.

They're like a cross between something fruity and something like hot peppery.

It's really weird.

Really?

Yeah, we got some for home.

We found some goji chews that are supposed to be relaxing for dogs.

We gave Homer, we gave him to Homer and he, it doesn't do shit to him.

He doesn't fucking affect his ass.

He's just like, oh, I'm still crazy.

I'm retarded.

I'm a retarded dog.

I think all those chew toys they make that you can fill with food.

Yeah, the Kongs.

Yeah, those.

Yeah.

I was going to say that, those might work for him and the chew problems.

Yeah, we put, we fill them with peanut butter.

He likes them.

Well, they make them like, another thing you do is like keep them busy longer.

It freaks, so it takes them a while to get there.

Yeah.

Maybe too late for these job wanted calls

I think at this time

I don't know

We should have hit this up in the first hour

This is my fault

I'm sorry Parkman

Please leave your message for

I failed you Parkman

Okay

Well I was running late

That was the problem

Ran really late today

primary cause was

you got off to a slightly late start

but that's because you're on call

oh my god

I just read okay so Parkman

he puts ideas with all those numbers

and the idea for this one is hilarious

I don't want to spoil it for everybody

hey Ethan I'm going to let you go

I got your numbers I'm going to see if someone else

wants to join in alright

thanks for joining

alright brother

thanks for sending numbers

man you're always welcome here all right my man thanks my man later milkman hey thanks a lot

ethan last week see you next week last week yes sir peace brother i hung up on him too early too

i'm sorry his line is now open you can call 405-396-6884 that's 405-39 mouth 405-396-6884

can talk to the great one that's right operators now picking your call it seems like audio now

who provides our shoutcast to phone service at the 605-475-0097 number.

He's having some technical issues today, so we apologize for that.

I will follow up with him tomorrow regarding how to open a ticket with him.

But in the meantime, you can give that a shot if you want to try it.

You can't join the show with that number, but you can tune in if you need to tune in.

All right?

All right.

So, again, his line is open, and we have a caller already.

Oh, and I missed it.

I took too long.

I'm sorry, caller.

I'm sorry.

It's really hard.

It's really hard, man.

I have to mute the sound for that, because if not, it's like the whole show, and we can't have that here.

All right, caller, try again.

Try again, or someone else.

We're getting the operating lines back up.

Yeah, motherfucker.

Yeah, yeah.

I'll see you.

Give it a few seconds.

See if someone joins.

Here we go.

We got a caller now.

All right, we got a caller now, motherfucker.

Thank you for calling customer service.

How can I help you?

Madhouse.

I'm looking for Mr. Valente.

This is Valente Cross.

However you want him, he is here.

How can I help you, brother?

It's here, Jim Bob.

May I help you?

Turd Ferguson.

Turd Ferguson?

Turd Ferguson calling in.

Get out.

The Turd Ferguson?

Yeah.

Wow.

With the big cap and everything.

Wow.

Cool, man.

Welcome to the show.

It's good to hear from you, Turd Ferguson.

Thank you.

Yeah.

How are you doing tonight?

Good.

What's going on?

Good.

Yeah.

I missed last week, but I caught up on the podcast.

Okay.

Cool.

Yeah.

Yeah, I try to be really good with getting that out at a good time.

See, I want to get the podcast out.

I figure the best time to do it is to get the podcast out by Sunday

so that people go into work Monday, they've got something to listen to, you know.

Give them a little bit of time before the next show starts.

Yeah, exactly.

But at the same time, that gives some exclusivity to the Patreon subscribers

since they get it through the Dropbox feed.

And also, I need to get the Prank Calls of the Week, the YouTube version of it.

But if I do that for that week, if there are enough good calls, I want to make sure that hits on Monday.

Because if we're calling it prank calls of the week, come on, it has to be Monday, right?

You can't be like, prank calls of the week on Friday.

It's like, well, what the fuck?

What week is it?

That's my mentality.

So, yeah, anyway, I'll be honest.

Tonight's show, it's okay.

It's all right.

I think it needs a big girl call.

Oh.

You should lose a few.

For that, we need girls.

That's the whole thing.

Well, the next girl I get, I'll call her big girl.

In the meantime, you hang on if you want to listen for a little bit,

and I'm going to call this Missouri Diggers Hotline.

I think I've called this line once before, and it was kind of funny.

Thank you for calling Missouri One Call, the Missouri Call Before You Dig service.

If you need to excavate due to an emergency, press 1.

To report the damage or disturbance of a buried utility, press 3.

If you will be digging...

This is the guy that said, I can dig whatever I want, wherever I want, in my property.

...and presenting a clear danger demanding action to prevent loss or damage to life, health...

You're supposed to call...

Everyone, this is true.

You call before you dig.

Because if you break some gas main or fiber cable, internet lines, phone lines,

you're going to be on the hook for doing it, and you may electrocute yourself or hurt yourself in the process.

So always call before you dig.

It's free.

They'll send a company out.

They mark you where the lines are.

The other day I saw this kid pulling all the flags out of the ground and putting them in a different spot.

Oh, shit.

This may be copyrighted music before we get flagged.

What the hell is that?

I don't know, but I can't keep it on because it'll flag us.

I've got to do this right, come in and out.

Give it a few seconds each time.

All right, so what can you talk about there, Turd Ferguson?

Why do I think you go way back?

I mean, how long have you been around the community?

Well, I mean, I've never been, like, involved in a community,

but I've been listening forever.

I don't know, maybe, like, 2007 or something like that.

Well, I'd see you in chat rooms and stuff, right?

Hello?

Yeah, every once in a while, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

Every once in a while, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

See, I recognize, you know, we used to have a turd burglar who was involved

and actually did a show on the old manhouse network.

Yeah, Turdburger, I know him.

I remember him.

Yeah.

Oh, you mean this guy?

He was the other taker.

Yeah.

It hung up.

Son of a cock.

Yeah, Turdburger, he made a prank call.

He was a mortician or something,

and he made a prank call to a mortuary,

and he got in trouble,

and then he joined the military.

You guys there?

Can you hear?

demeaning action to prevent loss of damage to life relatively straightened up until he started

doing a few calls with that i got it i got it yeah well he joined the army and had a kid and

all that stuff he's a good guy i've been i see then he came back he got out of the army and he

he started working at uh calls with that it's a good song too but we just can't play this because

the fucking youtube this is crazy man are you here in the hold no i'm here it's the same it's the

same hold song milkman it's the same hold song it's the same hold song they got the same hold

song we do this is what you hear when we uh when i when i mess up and leave you can imagine why i

hang up over and over and over a hundred thousand times i have to play this i have to play this to

throw off what's that noise i have to play that to throw out to try to throw off the music from

youtube so it doesn't kick in milkman's uh single hit okay this needs to be fast this needs to be

really fast okay all right you're talking to me yeah you this needs to be done fast and don't

start with that what needs to be done fast this needs to be taken care of fast my request

this emergency locate request yeah okay okay what type of work is being done rude i live at 701

horse machine ranch road in st louis oh this is missouri one call okay so what type of work is

being done is in the st louis missouri i mean uh what type of work is being done well all right so

i needed we were digging a dirt hole we already started working it um my wife has a fantasy of

having sex in a dirt hole and then being kind of buried alive but not really buried alive just the

feeling of it so i was on top of her and i was grinding away i was like and then we just we uh

I can go outside real quick and let you know

what it sounded like.

There's this noise. Give me a second.

I don't know if you can tell over the phone

what this is, what's going on

because I'm kind of worried.

It's like an electrical sound.

Do you have...

There it is. Did you hear that?

Yeah.

Ever since we were doing it...

Uh-oh. Oh, shit.

Ah, shit.

Can you send the guy here

to fix this, please?

What guy?

the guy the white guy that fixes the hole that fixes the hole yeah well this is the call before

you dick sender so are you trying to have your underground lines marked out well why would i

if i already dug you're being you're being real rude and ignorant and flippant okay you're like

okay listen listen listen listen listen listen listen listen you say this is the call this is

the number you dial before you dig like you're implying like well you mister you didn't call

Call before you dig.

So what do you think I'm going to do for you now?

I'm too busy filing my nails and leaning pistachios at my desk.

What do you want me to do now?

I'm asking, would you now like to call for a locate request?

What's the point now?

I know where the cable is.

Oh, okay.

I found it.

Okay.

Oh, so you damaged the line?

Stupid ignorant, you.

Okay, what can I help you with?

Come fix the line.

Make it go.

So you've damaged the line when you're doing your digging?

Well, as far as I know, this is my property.

I can dig wherever I want.

I'm asking you a question.

What's the answer to it?

Well, didn't I tell you that we dug the hole, that the line came out,

and I just went outside and you heard the electrical sounds?

Okay.

So what do you think?

What do you think, ignorant?

What do you think?

What do you think that means?

It's a damaged line.

Oh, very good.

Oh, we dug the hole in it.

Wow.

We dug the hole.

It was damaged.

It was already damaged.

We found the damage.

God damn it, woman.

I tell you what.

You listening to me?

Jesus Christ.

That attitude.

I'm just saying.

Matt Hillock wants to jump on.

Yes, Matt, give me...

I'm working on it right now.

I'm working on it.

I've got to patch you in.

Give me a second.

This would be a perfect opportunity for big girls, man.

You guys do.

Ah, shit.

That's right.

Thank you.

That's for a big girl.

I'll give her a big girl and talk to a man.

Get close to your 10 minutes, man.

I'm a hoe.

I'm sorry.

Tell her she's a genius.

Don't worry, Matt.

We're coming, man.

Matt Hillock, we're coming.

and we're connecting you buddy just sit tight i'm gonna call you on the sky fuck that i'm done

with it i ruined it i should have said big girl right now can't call it back she's gonna be the

only one working there all right uh here's a the seattle news tip line i've called them before

before that let me get matt on everyone stand by listen to some wu-tan clan while i do that thank

you dream your life away scheme your life away because your seeds grow up the same way

Again, if you're listening on YouTube, you cannot hear the Wu-Tang Clan or any of the music tonight,

unless it's the whole music.

For that, you should go to madhouselive.com and jump on Mixler or Shoutcast, TuneIn Radio, whatever it may be.

But stay logged in on YouTube, because I like to see people on YouTube, too, man.

We need to get that YouTube money, you know?

Shit.

Gold in there, YouTube Hills.

I'll tell you what.

You listening to me?

All right, poop time.

Let's see if this works right.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

call skype all right we are now dialing matt hillock we'll give him a second here to connect

matt hillock hey big guy how you doing yes please what is up what is up i can turn off the mixer

how you doing buddy i'm bringing him down can you hear me you hear you hear that yes okay good

here you just fine good good milkman talk to matt see if he can hear you see if it's all working

milkman milkman what's up i hear you brother he's very loud in my ear hermano i hear you loud

Officer, how's it going, Matt, man?

Very loud.

I'm bringing it down.

That's good.

Don't worry.

I guess.

I'm pounding you down.

Oh, you had me too loud?

Yeah, it's all right.

It's all right.

Yeah, I just want to stop and say hi.

Good, good.

How you doing, man?

I saw a video.

I saw some stuff.

What was it I saw on Facebook of you today, this week?

Okay, yeah, you said it was like four years ago.

You were saying you were stressing out about finding out if you had the cancer or the MS.

oh yeah yeah five years ago yeah the the one night that doctor came in the room like after

the mri and he was like we found spots on your brain and then you either have the ms or uh brain

cancer okay good night thank you thank you very much dude i'm loving that odb shirt by the way

oh i love this shirt dude yeah and i was i wanted to get the one with just his face with the gold

It was actually gold for you. I can't find it anymore, but I figured it would it would just fuck

I might could find it cuz I just you know me and fucking eBay just

Surgent for old shit. Yeah, but I don't want to be paying like

Yeah, I know I don't know

Yeah, yeah, and uh, yeah the turd guys here church Ferguson's here

i know you're like i remember like him being around for a minute when you're asking him

like when's he been here and i was like i know that name like seen in chat forever

what's up matt what's up buddy doing good doing good i uh i'm finally wearing jeans again i was

sitting in weird little boxer shorts for a while because both jeans were piss pants then in the

the wash and the dryer so i posted some instagram pictures of justin little boxers cool oh nice all

right cool the milkman get milkman you gotta get that instagram because he has boxers oh yeah get

instagram dude it's pretty fucking cool i don't know okay doesn't like 10-4 buddy i'm the same

way i don't i'm like milkman i don't like doing a lot of pictures of me and shit it's a miracle

I don't do any pictures.

Oh, yeah, it is.

It really, you look fucking good, man.

The fucking camera setups are neat.

It's the whole thing.

When you get those goddamn pictures

is hung up though yo yeah dude i know i'm saying well here's the thing like how hard is it to hang

and fucking because to put a nail in a wall it's not i'm using i'm using those strips that you use

that stick to the wall but i can't do it i'm waiting on one more poster it's fucking taking

forever to get oh oh it's because you want to like piece everything yeah i feel it's a work

in progress it's an dude it's an it's an mf doom poster with just him in the mask uh let's let's

It's fucking dope, yeah.

Dude, all your posters are dope, man.

I'll send you some fucking pictures if you ever want them.

I'm drawing some.

Oh, that stupid horse I did for you, maybe.

Yeah, that's cool.

It's not really a horse.

It's just a weird thing.

Oh, that reminds me.

Hey, real quick.

I want to show you guys.

And I took a picture of him doing it, but this is Horseycat, the giant made for Calls to Mass Confusion.

This is why he did the Horseycat.

Did I talk about this already?

If I did, I apologize for repeating the story.

man i uh i want to tell the people are so uh concerned and sending me so many what happened

to calls a mess confusion messages yeah i'll get them too and it's like i'm not i can't talk about

it it's not a big deal all right and all right the street beat is okay i got the street what i

heard the street beat i'll tell you what i heard i don't know somebody heard themselves on it made

made it stink so the channel went underground for a while but it'll be back right it was a call that

myself and jayad did maybe and so i'm like i don't give a fuck dude leave it on but he said

no you see because that's the thing i was telling jack when we first started this we need releases

that's that's how all the big boys do you get really need to have releases that's the truth

like all these pranks that i do and the rest of us do broadcasting them live and stuff like we

We would never be able to do this on regular radio or go to serious satellite radio.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

We would have to literally, every time we did a call, we would have to start it by saying,

you're live on my radio show and hope that it don't hang up on you and then continue with it.

Yeah.

So that's that.

But that being said, I mean, the street that I hear is it looks like everything is going to be cool

and COMC is coming back.

Oh, yeah.

There's a whole bunch of other episodes.

There's a whole ton of them.

You ripped the head off?

Yeah, Homer did, that fucking guy, man.

And it took him five seconds to do that.

Again, again, if you didn't bring that damn animal in your life, you wouldn't have the problems with it.

It's like when people complain about their children or their wife.

If you didn't have these things, you wouldn't have the problem.

Well, you know, we're, yeah, we needed something, all right?

Don't lose the territory.

Yeah.

No, Homer just said it was one of his toys, and it was something that Jai had stitched together with Gorilla Glue and thread from a gas station.

So, like a thread kit from a gas station.

So, it's like, yeah, it wasn't going to hold up.

Homer's like, I know when I see stuff like this, I'll play with it.

That's what he figured.

I am not a Jew, yo.

Oh, a Jew.

Oh, don't call that.

What do you have, a toy that somebody made?

A horsey cat toy?

Yeah, oh, you never saw that milkman, yeah.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Oh, it's amazing.

Are you watching the YouTube?

I remember when we did the Christmas show.

I'll send you a picture, yeah.

So, yeah, it's literally,

Jaya took a cat toy and a horse toy,

and he put the head on the horse,

and then he put a big dick on the horse, too.

Yeah, it is the horsey cat.

It's fucking great.

You mean, it's a horse and a cat and a dick?

Yeah, because you remember the horsey cat thing,

the big thing was that it had a big dick on it.

Yeah, it had a big dick on it.

You cut the fucking dick part and leave.

Oh, shit.

That's all.

All right.

Horsey Cat has a dick.

Hey, I said that the sink had a real dick.

Yeah, that's what made it so funny that the people weren't going along with it, you know?

Yeah, dude.

Okay.

All right.

Dude, some of the funniest calls that night when I first, that prankskiving when we first

did Horsey Cat was like, Dyler did a show right after me, and he was just going off

like saying i don't know what he was saying he was at the walmart the one and said hey we're

at a horsey cat do you have him there and like there's a man and he wants one and he's jerking

off like okay it was so fun man so yeah yeah after i should try to draw some horsey cats

oh good you're a really good horsey cat by the way and then yeah she really draws like sexy

sexy dragons and shit like she's like good at that sexy kind of dragons with big with big

lesbian tongues right yeah it's so cool that we got all these weirdo friends that just do this

shit man i love fucking i love all you cats but you know what you want to know the truth about

that girl she goes to schools like middle schools and she does this lesbian dragon art and she gives

them out for free it's like hey if you like this i could show you some other stuff yeah she no she

she doesn't do that oh cool no no i'm kidding i mean she doesn't do that that's that's not true

nowadays twitter will turn on her i was just thinking with all the bullshit my old i just

posted on facebook my old twitter handle used to be pedo nazi you can't do that man you crazy

dude i just thought it was so funny because there was some thing about like some guy was saying like

talking about outrage culture, and he's like,

I think this guy's some kind of pedonauts or something.

And I was like, that is such a funny-ass thing.

Hi, you got a Ford Workmaster tractor in Bush Hall?

I do.

Oh, what can you tell me about that?

Well, that tractor is, I've got rubber all the way around on it,

and the motor's got a guy in front of him going through.

Seems to be, you know, in good shape.

Yeah? Okay.

It looks good.

Okay, it looks good.

I put quite a few extra parts on it.

Oh, that's cool, big girl.

I like that, big girl.

I like a nice, good tractor.

How many horses does it have?

How many horsepowers?

I'd say it's a man-taped tractor, what it is, but it looks good.

Yeah?

It's a horse, somewhere around 30, I believe, or less.

30 horses?

Could be less.

Okay.

All right.

Right, okay, and what do you do with that thing?

How big a boy are you?

Do you sit on it, or do you break it if you sit on it?

Does it work still?

Yeah, it works. Everything works.

Okay, I'd like to come down and see that.

Well, you're sure welcome. You know where I live, don't you?

Well, I live in Horse Machine Ranch. I'm new here.

In Rogersville, there's these new ranch lands, Horse Machine Ranch.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

You know, it's true.

If you come towards Morristown, you'll see Michael's Market on 25th.

So the next exit turns to the right, you'll see a church up there on the right coming from Rogersville.

If you come down 11W, probably.

Do you want to meet at the church and I'll follow you?

Yeah, we live right there at the church, Lake Moore, Church of God.

You live in the church?

No, no, her house, her home is in this subdivision.

It's right at the back of us.

Oh, nice, nice.

All right, can I come over tonight?

I'm feeling kind of randy, you know.

Well, I don't know, neighbor.

I've been laying down in bed.

Could you wait until tomorrow?

Well, I'll tell you what.

You just keep laying down there in bed, and I'll come over.

I'm going to bring some beers and some condoms and some poppers,

and I got some massage oils that I like

and some incenses that I like to burn.

And I'll give you a nice massage, you know,

and I'll shave your buttocks and your back.

I'll work all the stress off of you.

Yeah, I'm here for that, I don't mind.

Well, but I'll kiss your back and your neck.

I'll kiss from the back of your neck

all the way down to your bunghole.

I don't think I'd be interested.

With my lips.

All right, then can I just see the tractor then?

Can I just see the tractor?

Yeah.

Yeah, you can see the structure.

All right.

Will you ride the tractor for me?

Have you ride the tractor a little bit here and there?

I probably won't tonight.

All right, but tomorrow, tomorrow when I come by.

Tomorrow I might do it then.

All right.

And what if I bring a nice nightgown for you to wear while you run the tractor?

I doubt it.

Well, maybe I wear the nightgown and watch you.

What do you wear when you run the tractor?

You got overalls?

Yeah, we usually wear work pants.

Dickies work pants.

Oh, Dickies.

Those are the best.

That's nice.

Can you unzip your pants while you run it?

I don't think so.

Oh, come on.

Do something sexual with me.

You take care.

Sexual.

I want to do sexual things.

I'm a pervert.

I'm a drunk.

You guys are fucking drunk, pervert, motherfucker.

You're not interested?

All right, fine.

He don't want to talk business.

He's not down.

Milkman.

That sounds like your dad over there.

They're being perverted.

He's like, I don't think I want to do that.

He was nice.

He was open-minded.

He's like, look.

Why didn't you stay on the phone for so long?

Jesus is a nice guy.

He's like, oh, these homosexuals, they're, you know, we don't treat them like that.

He's old.

He's very old.

You can tell he's old.

He was nice to you.

He needed some help.

I think he had a little bit of interest.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I think it was single, too.

I don't think he was married.

man i imagine goat pussy smells really bad matt do you have any input on that

uh goat i would imagine it would i think like i've been around goats and the whole thing

smells bad but i can't talk shit on goats because hail satan you know oh yeah true yeah

I can't shit on ghosts too much

but oh yeah

really think about

fucking a goat

how horrible that'd be

like a gross

just

well maybe in nature

they're all good and keep themselves clean

but I think about a farm

living in shit

like a pen

eating cans or whatever goats do

hey man

Hey, man, any port in a storm, you know what I mean?

You got to do what you got to do.

Dude, that's one of my favorite sayings.

Any port in a storm.

That works for any time of anything shitty.

I said that to my therapist, like, 15 years ago.

He's like, what does that mean?

I'm like, well, you know, like, if you're a sea captain.

He's like, yeah.

And there's a storm coming.

And you're a licensed therapist and don't get it.

He didn't get it.

it is like okay so he started scribbling for like 30 seconds i'm like uh-oh that was the last time

i saw that therapist fuck that guy they're all gums yo he was a homosexual too i think so oh

real quick dumb little story i got like pretty tired out going doing i did my infusion today

that's where i go you know once a month to get ms medicine iv'd in me for an hour yeah anyways i'm

pretty tired afterwards because i was there for a couple hours she couldn't find my vein i think

it's because the lady was incompetent but she was really nice and looked at all my instagram pictures

anywho so when i finally get out of the cab at the place i'm trying to like get up the curb and i

can't like lift my feet and the cab driver guy's closing his back thing and i'm like hey can you

lift up my back foot and kind of like like pick it up and he grabbed just both my my legs and just

just like picked all of me up and put me up on a curb and i thought it was great and he was just

like a little like african guy damn he's got strength he was he was cool as fuck too uh but

i thought it like i got a weird vibe at first because you know he's like he's a bit like for

you know he's a black guy but he's definitely african or something and he's listening to this

weird like christian channel that all of a sudden like some art belly type shit like like super like

Like, and the seven seals were broken, and then the man were this, and the demons were coming, and just all this weird shit.

But he was very nice and helpful to me.

All right.

Cool.

Yeah, I mean, he's doing his job, and he's, I mean, he's got to deal with you.

I feel bad because I got that, like, cripple card where, like, the government pays them, so I'm not able to tip on it, though.

Oh, well, yeah.

I mean, yeah, true.

And also, you don't take showers, so you probably smell bad when he picks you up and all that.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Now that you're slimmed down, you really should, you know, take a shower.

Shower's your first squares, yo.

Why?

You're like my dog.

I have my hound dog.

He's like, I don't want to mess up my scent.

Don't be a baby.

Whatever.

Whatever you want to do.

Dude, I'm rocking out to your fucking music, man.

I, like, know all this shit.

Like, this is my drawn music.

MFD.

um um food is that how it's pronounced yeah yeah uh let's try one more prank and then we're going

to take a break we've got a gun for sale a gun for sale yeah oh i just posted it to zax because

he's all about the second amendment really said open carries fine for everybody or no i mean

congress or whatever supreme court said that is that true when today i sent zack's the thing a

couple days okay i'll look at when i send it to zack yeah i don't know anything about that homie

twitter could i bother you for another retweet okay appeal court rules second amendment allows

open carry i don't know man i will i will email it to you because you know we like doing sovereign

sovereign citizen open carry calls a short time later that caused like a lot of stink

there's open carry calls i'm sorry i missed your call but if you leave your name and number i'll

get back to you as soon as possible i'm sorry i missed your call turd ferguson are you there

i'm gonna have to clear you so someone else can join thanks for joining though

all right cool yeah call in next week call in the week after that all right brother see you

you later man thanks for calling wait all right have a good one guys all right milkman you still

there did i lose you i think i hit the button on milkman oh that sucks milkman are you on mute

milkman on mute well maybe he's doing something should i call him back yes yeah i didn't want to

like come in and like figure i just wanted to say i mean i'm uh i'm happy to hang around um but i

I didn't want to, like, come move in on y'all's shit, you know?

You're fine.

The second I hang up on people, another one calls in.

I can tell that this is a popular show.

Go on.

That's nice, man.

It's so, like, I'm just happy everybody's doing good right now.

Yep.

And I'll hear ya.

Maybe we'll have an, oh, excuse me.

He's got an idea.

Do you hear music, Matt?

Yes, but I'm listening to the mixer.

Hello?

Sorry, I'm unable to take your call.

i thought that was milkman at first yeah well he that's he's got one of those messages like

hi gotcha how do you spell how do you spell pissiest i have no idea you're on the air

caller hello hey carlito it's uh brendan brendan oh brendan not brendan vegas what's up man what's

up man hey i sent you that number to that walgreens you called uh yeah i tried earlier

did you did you get it did you see them acting i i well well i was in the i was towards the

back because i was still waiting for my script and i was the only person waiting

so yeah i was listening on my earbuds and i really wasn't i didn't want to look over there

too much so they wouldn't get suspicious but then yeah no i heard the commotion and i started

cracking up so i had to stop listening gotcha when you mentioned uh shaving their heads and

whatnot hey milkman okay you got your back milkman i got you you require yeah i'm having

audio problems okay i'm not able are you good now you're right i got brendan's on the line

brendan caller from last week brendan uh hey what up milky brendan not vegas is here

yeah here you go i hear him hey what's going on man yeah oh not too much milkman driving the cab

machine and fun oh you drive i don't know you drive a cab machine too wow look at these guys

oh no no so we oh i was gonna say we got a legend we got fucking milkman and we got you

but you're fibbing no hey man i'm not i'm actually not far from you uh geographically

by the way cool we need some beer sometimes or something yeah yeah maybe you are right across

the street from union station what's up i i i've heard that i'm further west i'm like in the western

suburb so okay like yeah like uh naperville area you know yeah if you're well if you're ever in

the city dicking around or something stop by and say hey there you go bring a clothespin for your

knows this guy doesn't take showers except for once a year i don't that's what i hear i've been

i've been around those i've been around i've been around people who do that you know whatever

someone on youtube every once in a while someone on youtube is saying that uh matt is too punk rock

to take showers and i like gg allen that's that's a good way to put it that's the because in that

movie hated the the documentary about gg allen the the todd phillips the director of the hangover

says that he when he or no it's actually that unc guy he says when he talked to john wengasey

this hero killer about gg allen he said i love him like a brother but if you don't stink like

the pissiest ass wino ever did they finally like remove his headstone because people kept throwing

shit on yeah i think so i got a bunch of buddies with pictures but is john wengasey the one that

there was a clown yeah dude i i just made a new shirt in my store with the gacy clown cactus that

says rope tricks for the win and my kitty letters and shit okay all right okay all right okay all

right let's do it let's do a call real quick here uh now that we got milkman back and we're gonna

take our break uh yeah dude hey by the way i've seen you do the like that stick thing in your

mouth like for the the the food thing like i always just was curious how you did that

you know i just thought you were just eating shit like yeah oh yeah yeah it sounds like i

it sounds like i got like chicken bones in my mouth what is it is and then you just like puts

like a pen in there and make it touch the microphone no i just i mean that's the it

touches the microphone just because it's long it's i take a sharpie or a mark this is a dry

i erase marker i put it in my cheek when i talk like this yeah and then you gotta kind of you

gotta kind of lick it and swish it around so it sounds and then you breathe yeah it was rad like

seeing that like you know seeing some behind the scenes shit i'm sure someone's gonna like

photoshop a dick in my mouth one day and that's oh that would be hilarious i'm not adverse to

sucking a dick if you know i love when people photoshop me and silly shit like that fucking

Fucking, like, that Tristan made that fat one of me, like, laying down with the kid doing the thumbs up.

I swear to God, I thought that was real.

I thought that was really you, man.

It looks so good.

Yeah.

Milkman, does RCA, they make refrigerators?

I had no idea.

There's a RCA refrigerator for sale.

I thought that was, like, a radio company and a television company.

I thought they just did audiovisual.

I think it's everything.

Shit.

We'll do anything these days.

It's probably like an outside.

Hey, Carlito.

Yeah?

Hey, did you get that number I sent you not too long ago?

The other one?

Probably, probably.

Hang on, let's...

Is it Facebook?

Yeah, yeah, it was on Facebook Messenger.

You know, you don't have to call it now, but if you could call it maybe like after the break.

Yeah, sure.

I'm going to try this refrigerator and we're going to take that damn break.

Okay.

You like take, like, breaks.

See, there you go.

Structure.

I just, every now and again, say, hey, I got a piss and hope somebody else covers it.

hey you got an rca refrigerator yeah all right what can you tell me about that

the a was in the in the movie business but this one doesn't have pictures when you open it up

right i get it well i had i had a rca like phonograph thing you know yeah yeah can i

No, it's about a 14-foot refrigerator.

It's an upstairs refrigerator and a downstairs refrigerator.

Does it, I mean, is it old?

Because I've never heard of RCA making a refrigerator.

How old is it?

You know, I don't know.

I got it from my neighbor, and then I wound up buying a new one.

And I didn't have it very long, and I don't know how long they've had it.

Okay. All right. Okay.

But it works good.

It's not the best-looking thing because I've seen some rust spots

because they had it in the basement.

Yeah?

I've seen some rust spots coming through on the paint on it.

Okay.

But it works great.

All right.

And it's frost-free.

All right, well, I mean, I can do whatever I want after I get the refrigerator, right?

Because we're satanic people, we're satanic followers, and we want to sacrifice a goat.

And we figure we could put the goat inside a refrigerator and throw it off a bridge.

Would you be adverse to what we do?

I mean, it's our business what we do after we buy the refrigerator, right?

Yeah, I reckon so.

All right, okay.

Okay, but we're going to use it like to, like, we're going to hope, we're trying to make the devil come to Rogersville and take over Rogersville.

Like, we're going to, we want to make this, Rogersville is going to be the city of Satan's new capital, you know?

We want him to rise.

When you going to do it, I'll wait.

Soon, soon, very soon.

Excuse me.

Sometimes they flip out.

When you, very soon.

I'd like to come today if I could, tonight, take a look at that.

We have the goat.

So we start out by masturbating and having sex with a goat,

and Matt's already taken care of that.

He ejaculated in her twice, and now it's time for the sacrifice,

the drowning of the goat.

Drowning of the goat.

Tonight.

All right.

We've got to have the refrigerator before we drown it.

Yeah, we need to put it in, because we're supposed to use a coffin,

but good luck trying to find a coffin at this time of night, you know?

Yeah.

Well, I'll just bring it to you.

If you all will just tell me where to meet you out there.

all right you know where the walmart's is yeah all right okay all right you got my number on

caller id i got it on caller id can you come tonight or well i should be able to all right

how long you think it takes and we'll get ready here uh it'll take me about uh i give me about

15 minutes about 15 all right okay is this is this a cell phone i'm talking to you on or a

different number yeah hey i'm just gonna throw this out there if by any chance he has a water

water truck or access to a water truck so we can fill this thing when it gets there

we have water truck probably not right no all right we'll go ahead and pop the hydrant again

yeah we got it all right so you say 15 minutes we can mention the walmart's in rogersville

yeah yeah that'd be fine all right all right that sounds good i'm in a prius we're gonna be in a

prius my name is cross okay all right okay all right like you gotta go from a prius no we're

not gonna bring the goat we're gonna bring the refrigerator back here and we'll put the goat

you know the bridge is back here where we live we live over a horse machine ranch okay all right

all right so 15 minutes bubba i'll see you there all right what was your name all right what was

your name i don't think he's coming there he seemed like a good egg though me might i don't

know at least he's not prejudiced yeah sure you want satan to come yeah fuck this town i hate

this fucking town yeah i hate the sheriff he's just reasonable and knows that there's no satan

All right, all right, Turd.

Sounds like one of those Willie Nelson types.

I guess.

Turd Ferguson, I'm going to drop you here so we can take our break.

Thanks for joining.

You did that way earlier.

I'm not Turd, I'm Brendan.

Oh, you're Brendan.

Shit.

You did that, see?

But I'll call that number.

All right, buddy.

Have a good week.

See you, man.

All right.

Matt, I will let you go, and perhaps we'll link up.

Hey, it was fun, man.

Cheers, buddy.

Good talking to you.

Later.

All right, Milkman, are you here, sir?

Can you hear me?

Man, dude.

Can you hear me?

Yeah, bro.

What's up, big man?

How you doing, big guy?

1989.

What happened in 89?

Que paso?

RCA?

January 1989.

Earliest year they made the RCA.

Are you kidding?

I can't imagine, like, I would be...

What the...

Like, if I saw a refrigerator...

It's called a Walmart.

Oh, okay.

Well, there you go.

I like...

But that's got to be, like, a different Chinese company that just bought the rights to the

RCA brand name just for a refrigerator?

No, why it isn't, because it's made by an affiliated GE.

Is it?

GE Appliance.

Oh, shit.

GE owns RCA names.

They've crossed over GE and the refrigerator.

I mean, RCA, but there's not very much RCA shit left.

No, there's not really.

The only thing you see now is like the, like what I call Time Store Radio Shack subsuits

at Walmart.

Yeah, like a TV.

RCA glitter cable.

Shitty TV and shit.

Amplifier.

Distribution amplifier.

Amplifier, amplified antenna, that kind of garbage, you know.

Yeah, a bunch of crap.

All low-budget stuff, real cheap Chinese shit.

Yep, yep.

So I guess they're trying to use the name on stuff for, like, refrigerators.

Well, it has recognition.

It has recognition.

They figure out we got the name.

We'll just throw it on the refrigerator.

Dude, 1989.

I can't believe it.

They've been that long, and I never knew it.

So that refrigerator is 20 fucking years old almost, bro.

No, fucking 30 years old.

No, I've got a chart right here.

It tells you whatever.

You can look at the letter.

What you've got to do is when he calls back,

I've got a chart right here, and it's got the letters on it.

A is either 2001 of January or 1989 of January.

Right.

Okay, and it goes all the way clear up to 2002.

Okay.

So it's either 1989 or up to 2002.

All right, okay.

You can play that game.

So I'm going to text you this link, okay?

So look on your text, and you can open up your browser.

Right.

We'll get a look at this RCA.

I've got to find out.

That way you can start talking about the date and shit,

because he's going to be pissed when you're not there.

He will.

All right, Milkman, homeboy, stand in line.

I'm going to take that break.

We'll be right back in about 10, and then we'll do another hour of show.

Don't worry.

We'll do another hour, and then we'll be out of here for a week, forever.

We've got to work on the audio after the show or something.

Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, man.

It's my fault.

I take full responsibility.

We'll be right back, guys.

Hang on, Milkman.

See you guys.

But now I'm back at the pound, and we expose ways for the youth to survive.

Some think it's wrong, but we tend to think it's right.

So make all the beans you can make, because when you're broke, you're break.

Check it out.

So ain't no need for your mama to trick, because you's a hustling-ass youngster clocking your grid.

And I've been filming all that you can see.

Feelin' like a genius, but this room ain't too deep.

And then I'm getting too bored.

You're listening to Madhouse Live Live on the largest prank call station.

Bad House Radio will be back right after this.

Bad House Radio is back.

Hey, what's up, baby?

I'm Carlito, the host of Madhouse Radio.

You just happen to be listening to Madhouse Radio.

Let's all count to 28.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, yes, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27.

Did that guy call back yet?

No, not yet.

No calls yet, buddy.

We're holding on that.

Do you think it's going to take me serious?

I doubt it, but I guess you could.

You never know, right?

I'll give him a call.

We've got a few minutes left on that.

Did you get that text for the date chart on it?

The what?

I texted you the date chart.

It tells you the letter on the tag on the back.

It'll tell you what date it was made.

Oh, you sent me.

It was a text message?

Yeah, let me get that.

Yeah.

Let me get the phone here and I can find it.

milkman uh milkman were you were you were you able to hear the uh the the prank call there and

all that that did that work no i couldn't hear anything that's why i just like put it on mute

and walked off uh shit i was trying to make it so you could hear it while we're on break at least

you know so anyway your shit hey something real something real uh exciting though matt made me

figure out i think i found a way where you can hear the music i think i found a way where you

You can hear the music and...

Well, his audio is very loud.

Well, that's Matt.

That's just Matt.

Matt does that.

When he gets on a show, he's loud.

Well, he's got to, like, turn it down, dude.

Yeah, well, he's got to...

Too loud for me, man.

I can't hear even you.

Shit, even you.

Because you're a loud guy, too, motherfucker.

I'm going to sign you.

You're kind of loud yourself.

Well, I'm supposed to be loud.

You're supposed to hear me because I don't speak that much.

You're the Hermano.

I do.

You should hear me.

You're the Hermano.

I get to be loud.

I'm Hermano.

God damn, little man.

All right.

No, but seriously, we've got to get that audio just so it's comfortable for me

because it was so loud like I couldn't turn it down anymore

that I couldn't hear you speak.

Yeah, I was having a struggle.

What am I going to do?

I can only hear Matt, and I don't know if you're saying anything.

I got you.

I understand.

All right.

I understand.

Did you get the text for the date plate?

Yes.

RCA Appliance, age or manufacturer?

Manufacture?

Yeah, scroll down there, and it gives you the years from 2000, what, 2 to 1989.

Uh-huh.

Wow.

Okay.

Yeah, cool.

I got it.

Let me see if he's there.

Let me get my driving sound effects here.

Driving.

We're on our way there now, Milkman.

I want to see if we can get him to check the place for us.

And he was the last guy we called, right?

I think he was the last guy.

There's no answer now.

The second is not me, because you said that weird.

Yeah, you know me.

We're running at the end.

until i was at the end hello hey this is cross i was over there on my way to the walmart's did

you make it yet no i uh i run into some problems motherfucker you i dropped that refrigerator

trying to load it the truck and busted it all pieces so it's no you didn't you weren't gonna

come at all why are you lying to me you go to church and you're lying to me why are you doing

that why are you telling me the truth who said i go to church you said you go to the church

you're at the church no i didn't say a no such thing well then you're a lying son of a bitch

uh you you want to meet me somewhere tell me that yeah at the walmart i'm almost there right

now why don't you come here right now call to your face you son of a bitch hey why don't you

forget this number no never never motherfucker i'm i'm gonna shave your head you're gonna what

i'm gonna shave your head why because you pissing me off well it'd be better be pissed off than

pissed on you made a fucking bullshit story about oh i dropped the refrigerator bullshit you didn't

put it on there at all did you want to be honest with me boy wait yeah you're nothing but a boy

you're nothing but a boy you're nothing but a child okay well you shouldn't carry children

that's what oh i'll shave your head that's what i'm gonna do then i'll suck your dick

you didn't come i knew you were right milkman it's my fault it's my fault cuba cuba it's my

My goddamn fault.

No one else's fault, but Carlito's fault.

I apologize to all the listeners.

Man, I want to get rid of this goatee.

It's itching me.

I just want to shave it all off.

Maybe that's why I keep doing this.

My head's itching.

I don't want to...

Is that what it is?

You got cuties and you want to shave your head?

Here's what's going on.

My barber, she's been booked up for two weeks.

I finally got an appointment in to see her next weekend.

I need a haircut, but I got this thing.

If my hair's too long and I got a hat on, it does nothing but itch the shit out of me.

So, I'm going to take my hat off, but my hair's too long.

Well, where's your bargain?

You got the captain's hat on?

My hat, my hair, and look how bad I need a haircut.

I don't want to be on a video showing my fucking floppy, moppy hair, you know?

Are you wearing the captain's hat?

No, no, no.

I'm wearing a Wendell Magic hat.

Well, now put the captain's hat on.

That won't make your hair, did it?

Oh, man, but that's in a box right now.

I know where it is.

Well, you're shitting me out.

You're doing a show on the damn camera.

It's on a box, Milkman.

It's on a box.

Well, put the box on top of your head, too.

That's all right.

We're in a box.

Now, you listen to me.

You look good.

You listen to me, motherfucker, here.

I'll put you in a box.

You can pop in the box.

It'll echo, and it'll make a nice sound effect.

Man, ghetto built right into your car, right?

You didn't know a studio effect needed, just a prop.

I'm going to put you in a box forever, and you're going to go straight down to the hell.

I've been in a box.

I come out, and there was a darn homo thing going on.

A homo car.

I'm going to put you in the masturbation box.

Hey, real quick.

That was seriously, that was freaky.

I was like, holy shit, I'm trapped in here with the recording of the whole thing.

The gay stuff.

Yeah.

Milkman, you may or may not remember, but listen, this sound effect here, which you'll be able to hear if I get to the right page.

You know that drunk Mexican guy, the Mexican guy that was going to kill me?

That guy right there.

Reclude tracked him down and gave him a prank call.

And he played audio of him, like all these clips here.

He played shit like that to him, and he sort of cursed him back.

It's a short prank.

It's really funny.

Let's hear that real quick.

Oh, my gosh.

You got a Reclude clip?

Oh, yes, please.

I want to hear it on you.

Get in.

Hey, I'm calling for the stamina table.

Hey.

The stamina table.

Are you selling?

Hey.

I'm calling for the stamina table.

Is that still there?

What do you want?

The stamina table.

You have it listed on Craigslist?

What do you want?

For $100, it says.

Is that firm?

Would you take it?

Puttisima madre, hijo de tu pinche puta madre, wey.

Salo, wey.

Chinga madre.

and he hung up after that so that they think that was really i really enjoyed the fact that

so we tracked him down because i had lost that number but that listener tracked him down for us

and uh he's still selling that stamina table like three months later it's still for sale

milkman stamina table we gotta burn through some of these recluse yeah that's right that was

reckless that's the new reclude new reclude yeah yeah new reclude oh well fuck you why are you

playing with my head dude i don't know i'm a new record what the fuck is new reclude all right

that's a funny guy his name is brandon he's a funny dude and like he was i had him on a show

like last year and i just said yeah i just said hey records here and he ran with it and everyone

was like records back while rick was back and it's not he sounds nothing like record so it was

I must not have been on the show because I don't remember.

You don't.

You weren't on the show, and you don't remember.

Oh, okay.

This is when I was out.

All right.

Yep, yep, yep, yep.

All right.

Okay, well, now I'm following, okay?

Now you dig, you dig, you dig, man.

Right, right.

Yeah, I was really excited because I was really believing it was a Reckley,

and I was like, that ain't a dude nowhere.

No, no, no.

What happened?

It's just a joke.

All right, never mind.

Because Reckley, we don't know.

far we know he's he died we don't know man we've been looking we've been looking you know

uh we don't know but i wish somebody would actually try to yeah yeah i know i tried i

called this old company and if you call it it still says to speak with jay reclude dial this

and i dial in it always goes to it goes to a google voice line and no one ever answers i emailed

the company the the record store the blue moon recording studio and i was like hey we're friends

with jay reclude we're trying to find them if i ever get around there i'm gonna stop by dude

yeah at least talk to someone there say hey what happened to jay reclude man because fucking we

can't find him hey real quick milkman let's get some voicemails out of here we're not we don't

have much time i'm sorry guys i fell behind i'm really sorry tonight and the show's been all right

not bad not bad but some real quick voicemails because people have voicemails this week here's

one here's one here's one oh it left it left oh i hit the wrong thing motherfucker shit i hit

the wrong thing man am i stupid i'm getting there hang on hold on hold on hold on actually we've

had a lot of voicemails where is this monday saturday okay here it is people what does that

mean please tell us what does that mean where did it come from where did pape people come from that

is a prank call that's this people that was a prank call you can find it on the madhouse website

site it's a prank call i believe it was called it's like japanese pizza it was a japanese place

uh a japanese pizza hut i'm like fucking with the guy talking english and not it's in japan and

at the end i just got him to start saying like repeating what i said and i got him i said pop

people and he goes pop people that's where that came from um yeah it was funny at the time it's

just it's just a goofy little thing we do pop people sometimes one of those little madhouse

Little idiom inside jokes

If you're a Madhouse fan

That's why you do it

So there it is

That's a couple years ago

I think I remember some of that

That's been a while back

But a good five years ago

Yeah, I knew that

Because I remember hearing that more before

Hey Carlito, it's Carl

Thanks for the shout out on your last show

That was pretty cool to hear my own voice

My BAC is much lower today

Alright

Yeah, good to see you again

Good to hear you again.

Good to see me.

I'm signing up for Patreon soon.

I know I said I was going to become a horse.

I haven't gotten to it yet.

Just got back into town.

So expect to see me on there in like 24 hours.

Peace out, dude.

All right, good.

We got a new horse member coming.

All right.

Good.

All right, horse.

Nice.

Thanks, Big Carl.

All right.

All right, what do we got here?

Hey, Carlito.

Long time listener, man.

Keep doing your thing.

Peace.

All right.

Yeah, listener.

I'll keep doing my thing.

you know this one says transcription unavailable we're gonna skip that i don't think that said

anything uh this one here oh this is a long message holy shit dude hey big carlito uh man

i just want to tell you that it's so good to have you back on the air i have very vivid memories

of being a much younger man uh working late and listening to you and madman clone homegrown

I remember the recluse years.

Oh, shit.

I remember the Madman, our chat guy from back in the day, and homegrown.

All the PCN or the PCU or the PLA or all that shit.

That's an old-timer here.

Dude, he was been around a long time ago.

Getting that Thursday slot back.

I've enjoyed all of the eras of Madhouse Radio.

I love the calls to jobs.

I emailed you years ago, and I was like, hey, man, I made a bunch of artwork.

work really weird multicolored artwork oh yes this guy dude he had a fucking art show he's an

artist and he i've never seen or heard about it dude dude he he actually um he had an art show

of his art and every artwork was titled after a madhouse prank call like yes yes yes yes yes

yeah yeah yeah yeah i need to get you see it or what yeah i did he should he sent me to the

web page that had all the art and i gotta buy i gotta get with him and buy one from him man

just to put it up here inspired by oh machine ranch yeah definitely that whole area i'd like

to see it was so bizarre and i gotta tell you man there's like the old school colors i think they're

probably the best of the modern era and i think one is longmont potion castle right and i think

you're probably the other one i love the jerks boys and i love the sort of like 70s 80s era

but the way that you're sort of taken into this absurdist place um where folks really don't know

how to react i think is very genius um yeah man so i'm i'm long-winded by this thing

uh occasionally get into the chat room but i sort of avoid all that shit i think it's like

for like young kids on the fucking computer i'm an old man now um but thanks it's great to have

you back i'm a little long-winded i apologize for that that's all right all right bye all right

bye all right cool yeah yeah that guy's wow yeah he's old school man yeah he is he is wow he is

yeah yeah yeah you gotta share that link with me i think that's zach i think his name is zach

hobbs he's on facebook everyone look him up buy some of his madhouse related art if he still

sells it i don't know yeah man good stuff all right here's another one real quick hello this

This is a completely different person.

John Barry died Thursday morning of May 19th, 2016 at 7.30 a.m.

This is in Danvers, Massachusetts.

He was 52.

John Barry III, Barry's father, confirmed his death Tuesday afternoon to Rolling Stone.

He said his son suffered from frontal lobe dementia, which had worsened in recent months.

Rolling Stone reports Barry was a member of a number of other bands.

even worse big fat love there's vindala all right there you go rest in peace john bearer

i've never heard of the guy don't know if i'm into those yeah i don't know either he must

maybe he plays a good guitar right maybe right yeah yeah yeah a long time was that the call

yeah i farted on the phone that's the old story that's the story of my ex-girlfriend

where uh before we even met i called her work to prank call and i put my ass on the phone

and i farted and i said i farted on the phone and she was like oh very good what my ex-girlfriend

theresa she worked at a so i used to work at this bank call center right and i got uh yeah i got uh

fired uh and then i was i had this personal vendetta with the bank after that so i will call

like at all crazy hours all the time and say stupid shit so this one time i called and i had

had to fart so i just put my ass on the phone and i farted when she picked up and i said i'll fart

on the phone i tried to make it sound as gross as possible it was like i'll fart on the phone

and she was like oh very good sir and she hung up and then like a year later like i'm dating this

girl and we were we were in my car on interstate 4 i-4 in orlando and we're driving by where the

bank is the call center and she's like i was like oh i used to work there that bank's like

like oh my god me too it's like oh i was in the call center she's like yeah me too i was like oh

wow and then like when did you work there and i said when i worked she's like oh well i started

right after that i go okay cool and she was like yeah this one time i got this call that was the

nastiest call i ever got this guy he farted on the phone holy shit that was okay okay really yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah so small world yeah and i i never told it was me yeah but i i was it was

really hard to contain myself and i think i remember her asking like why are you laughing

i'm like oh this is a funny story t you know i was like yeah when was that years ago it was before

madhouse that i did that i mean this is before before madhouse and all that stuff yeah this is

my early 20s would that be then so like what what fucking year would that be well i worked there in

2001, so it would have been

sometime in 2001.

Yeah, it was 2001.

Holy shit. Yeah, but from doing

those calls to that bank, that's when I started

I made calls that I recorded

and sent to Katie Kim. I was just going to say,

if you really think about it,

that kind of like spawned your whole

thing of you being brave enough to

make calls. Nah, dude, I was

doing that since, you know, since the

Bro Building. You've been doing other ones, but

that one there, that sounds

That sounds like a good one because you got payback on that one.

You found the victim later on.

All right.

Here's another one.

We got a lot of voicemail.

I can't get to them all, guys.

If you love voicemails, I'm going to try to get to them.

The rest I will get to next week because, dude, like, I'm supposed to end the show here.

I have to end it.

We'll do a few more calls.

Let's see what we got here.

Hang on.

This is a shorter one.

I'm calling from Batesdale.

Your son Carlito wanted me to give you a propinion on dangers of smoking and lung cells.

So that's good?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's why you go as opposed to vaping.

You got to go to CheekyVape.com to get information on vaping.

Sorry I got to cut you short, homeboy.

I'll play the whole thing next week, I promise.

I got it marked as unread.

So it's cool.

Here's a quick one from Milkman.

Milkman, get ready.

This one's for you.

I was calling to talk to Milkman.

I was giving this number, told her I could talk to Milkman, please.

Aw, man.

Dude, you can call back, bro, if you want to call back.

Let me play one.

Who is that?

i don't know i don't know i don't know oh i don't know man almost kind of reminded me of jonathan a

little bit uh caller you're on the air with milkman yeah hey what's up it's the end from

last week oh i am how you doing man yeah man how you doing we're just doing some uh just uh you

know playing some quick voice mail you know yeah that's all that's all here this one transcription

Subscription not received, so no one said anything.

Hang on.

This one talks about you, Milkman.

Get ready to defend yourself.

Nobody can call in?

Is it over?

The show over?

That's all.

I just want to talk to Milkman.

You know, he's the guy.

You know who he is.

Never mind.

What the?

Why is it?

Everyone doesn't want to talk to old Carlito anymore.

It's all Milkman, Milkman.

You know?

What's going on?

Yeah.

I can't even believe I got any calls.

That probably won't happen again for at least another year, you know.

So, like, the next 900 calls will be from...

Fuck off.

Fuck the show.

Pick up the fucker about Love the Show.

Cool.

All right.

Thanks, man.

Sorry, man.

It's a popular show.

Hey, Carlito.

How's the show, my friend?

All right.

Keep it up.

Hey, thanks.

I think that's Dwight.

Who was that?

Was that Special Ed?

Who was it?

I don't know.

Hi, I'm Dwight Special Ed.

Can you play Papa John's, please?

Thank you.

Papa John's on the request board.

Okay, good.

We got that.

Papa John's, Milkman.

Get something ready.

All right.

Is that UK Godfather?

That's a British guy.

That might have been New Zealand also.

I don't know.

Okay.

So, caller, how you doing?

Ian.

Ian, how you been, man?

Doing good.

I think we're ready.

I'm doing good.

We talked about that.

You're good.

I'm good, right?

We're good.

We're all good here.

All right.

Good.

All right.

As they say, good.

good uh noon has been begging me to call this crazy scooter lady a crazy lady who has a scooter

and got an argument about something i'll give it a call i was supposed to call it last week and

then these people interceded saying don't call her she's retarded but fuck that this is madhouse

we do what we want this is my office and i put people on speakerphone you got a problem with

that there's that fucking buzz again god damn it i'm not hearing it i am i am i don't think it

makes it out to the air i think that's it just bothers me hello if this is any kind of unsolicited

phone call please hang up and add this number to your do not call list everyone else please

leave your message and we'll get back to you thank you i think she's been fucked with enough

at this point they don't want to she did just stop she don't want to be solicited yes she's

Because the guys are calling her.

And the girls.

Calling her up and giving her shit.

Yeah.

All right.

So where's my numbers list?

Let's see what Parkman sent in that might work still here.

We called the Missouri Diggas.

All right.

So we got a request to call the Seattle News tip line and explain the plot to Boys in the Hood from Cuba Gooding Jr.'s view.

Okay.

All right.

Let me pull up the wiki for that because it's been a long time since I've seen Boys in the Hood.

i wasn't very fond of it was the boys and i was okay i was more a fan of juice because it was

set in new york god was more of a east coast kind of guy coming up and pop man fucking tupac man

breakout performance there and then after they had poetic justice and yeah fucking tupac was

gonna be mace windu and fucking star wars in the star wars prequels can you believe that shit that

he lived george lucas wanted him to do that crazy shit now he's a hologram yeah now he's a hologram

That'll teach him.

And you live by the gun, you die by the gun.

Yeah, your song.

You remember that time you were like, I love this song.

That's what you said.

Everyone listening, I do apologize if you're hearing buzzing.

It's, you know, what can I do?

All right, I do the best I can with the money I got.

Hello?

Yeah, is this the tip line?

Well, we actually had...

Well, what...

Pardon me?

Go ahead.

You were saying?

This is not necessarily a tip line, although it says so on the website.

I just happened to answer the phone at the editor's desk of Como News Radio.

Are you looking for radio or television?

Whoever wants to take the story.

God damn it, woman.

I'll tell you what you're listening to me.

Let me send you over.

Thank you very much.

Hold on.

Hurry up.

Beep, beep, beep.

I'm a girl.

I don't know how to use this phone.

H-O-M-O.

News site.

It's Homo Radio.

Radio or TV.

Cover News.

Yeah, hi. I'm trying to make a news tip. What's going on here?

This is the newsroom. How can I help you?

All right, there's a 10-year-old kid named Trey that lives with a single mother.

And he got into a fight at school, and the teacher told the mother that Trey is, like, really intelligent, but he has a volatile temper.

He told the mom that the kid is intelligent, but has a volatile temper and doesn't have respect.

So, you know, the mom was worried about the kid's future, and she sent him to live in the area, to a different area, the Crenshaw neighborhood.

Where is the Crenshaw neighborhood?

It's over by, it's off of Horse Machine Ranch Road.

Where is that, though?

I believe it's a northern area of town. I'm new here. I just moved here.

Of Seattle?

Yes.

Okay.

He used to live in Tacoma.

I've never heard of it.

Okay.

all right and uh he's he's got a father that everyone calls furious and he uh like the dad

was like i want you to learn these valuable life lessons and stuff like that so then

he reunited with some friends over here and his half brother ricky and chris and they have a

mutual friend and they were talking and the dad was saying to me that you know that he was like

you need to rake these leaves on the front lawn like that and like mf like that and sob he said

to him and then uh the kid uh he has with him work to teach how to be responsible he wants to

teach you to be responsible you know what i mean so and later on like uh they were at a barbecue

and there was a crip gang member there and they were celebrating that he had gotten out of jail

are you following me but i don't understand where this is going well i'm getting i'm getting there

i'm getting there i got to paint the picture for you and then a lot of this is just you're telling

me and so i don't know what this is based on but go ahead all right so anyway to get down to like

this kid had a fight with this other guy named dough boy and uh they went to a nearby store

and then they saw this other gang and they were driving around and they were trying to attempt to

avoid them and they cut through a back alleyway and they got all split up and then the kid turned

back to that ricky guy and but the car the gang member's car pulled up and they ran but they got

shot they shot him in in the leg with a shotgun and then the second shot hit him hit him in the

back through the chest and it killed him okay and then doughboy and his gang huh when was this

today when was this today today so we have we have a murder in seattle today and nobody knows

about it well yeah because they're trying to i'm trying to explain why they're trying to keep it

quiet okay well there's not even a fire call or anything on this well i know they're keeping it

quiet do you understand no they don't keep quiet no yeah have you ever heard of are you aware of

section 31 okay thank you very much for your call you're a cunt you can eat fake news what's your

what fake news you're fake news language you're fake news whatever labia so are you labia have a

police and you got big labia you want to take my story damn it oh my yeah not that story based on

was that based on

like a Tupac story

like move to Seattle

it's based off the movie

Boys in the Hood

bruh

you know

oh okay

see I don't know that

that's why

I don't

alright

you gotta follow

come on man

you gotta follow

nice dovetail

so we got a request

for what did we get

we had a request

for an elevator call

earlier that came

through the email

and then what did

someone else say

they wanted

what was it

someone said

do a blah blah call

what was it

shit I forget now

what was it

they wanted you to call

a restaurant or somewhere

what was it

they wanted you to call

what did you say

shit what's in that oh yeah what the coffee place was it yeah um i don't know yeah what's up carl

go ahead yeah what's up yeah do you know what ligma is where where enigma is no ligma i was

have an idea for a prank call i don't know is that ligma is right no i don't what is that ligma

nuts like you say ligma oh yeah like dienda and then dienda my dick is another one yeah like

earlier today i was trying to make a call but it didn't really work like a hospital and be like

Like, yeah, my grandma, she has really bad ligma.

Can you guys treat that?

And at the end, you're like, oh, yeah, it's not the best, but it's like a punchline there.

Yeah, it works.

The end, I did a prank call that a lot of people I called, you know, I'm like, the end of my dick.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What would we need for that?

We would need a nursing home, we're saying, right?

Yeah, like a clinic.

Right, right.

Someone has forwarded me numbers.

I can't do that.

Numbers in a hospital, hospital bedroom numbers.

I can't do that, man.

Come on.

No, let's pass on that.

Please, man.

Come on, dude.

No.

I mean, thank you for the numbers, but that's not a good thing.

It's a hospital.

You know, someone did ask me recently here, what are calls that I regret?

When I did that show with Brad where he interviewed me, and I failed to mention, like, the calls that I don't want to do are like, all right.

So I was in a hospital once, and they gave me a list of phone numbers to the rooms.

and I sat on it for a year

and then I called one on a match show

and it was funny but I wouldn't

want to do that again. I do regret that.

The other ones that I regret and I'm making a pledge

here I'm never going to do this type of call again

maybe just because I have a dog

now but there were a few times that

we would find Craigslist ads that said

I have a missing dog and I would call

and I would say... That kid I didn't like

dude. That really put a rift with me

bro. I'm telling you man. Animals

are like kids to people man.

They don't know any better

Here's what got me

The last time I did it, I said no

And I really won't do it anymore

I was like, hey, I'm calling about the poodle

I know there's a lot of people that think that's funny

It's sad

But a lot of people really, really are attached to pets

That's why it's really a no-no

Well, the thing with me

What I did, the problem was

The way I approached this

I said, hey, you had the chihuahua

She was like, yes

She was super excited

oh my god someone's calling about the problem with my dog and i said your dog's gonna be fine

don't worry like what do you mean like you know i'm sure your dog's in a good place and she's like

oh god and i just felt bad instantly because that was she you could hear her get so excited like oh

my god my my baby has been found finally you know you know yeah and i can't imagine if homer ran out

the door or something and you know if i had spent a week you know i just saw this the other day i

I was coming home, you know, and I remember I posted a picture of the turkeys and shit,

if you've ever seen them on Facebook, right?

Yes, I have, yes.

Well, anyway, I was taking the route home, and I saw this old lady,

and this young, what probably looks like a daughter,

and this really old lady, her name hardly gives off, she had like a cane,

and they got this like stool, and they were packing up these posters of a little missing dog.

And they're little, right?

And I see a lot of dog and cat all around here that are missing.

And I know where the fuck they went.

They're not missing.

They got ate by coyotes.

Coyotes roam around here a lot.

And anything that's small, that's not chained down, especially at night, they get munched.

So if a cat or a dog got let out and got her out at night, man, the chances are it's not too far from the woods.

They got munched by coyotes.

And coyotes are out of control.

And that really makes me sad.

I know that old granny has no clue that she'll never see that dog again, right?

Yeah.

Sorry about that.

Yeah.

I'm afraid it's coyote meat.

And the coyotes are out of control, man.

Like, right now, though, they live everywhere they adapt, everywhere, urban, countryside.

They're very intelligent.

They're intelligent animals, man.

Yeah, it's crazy.

They are so, so wise as a species, right?

They're actually revered by the Native Americans.

Here's what they do.

do they'll they'll send a bitch in heat a female coyote in heat near other dogs like my houses and

then they'll take off running into the bush and then as soon as the boy dog comes on oh look at

late man they ambush him one grabs him on the ass with the other one when the dog bites him and then

they rip the dog in two and eat him yeah see i could see homer being dumb like oh we got some

pussy and the next thing you know he's in trouble well homer's big but dude about three or four

Before Coyotes, it's going to be dinner for them.

It's going to be a Homer dinner.

No, I can't.

As big as he is, maybe one, but he doesn't have a chance because he's never fought to live.

He's a puppy.

I watch out for him a lot.

I'm always looking around.

The dude's a fucking bear in the back of my house.

What's happening to you, dude?

Always keep him on a leash, dude.

Don't fucking let him run around like these fools do because nowadays Coyotes are hungry.

No, Homer's always with us and on a leash.

He's never out by himself.

no doggy door dude because like fucking one day i took homer out right and uh i took him out and

he was like i didn't go to the backyard with him but he was sitting there like

i'm like uh all right let's just let's just go went inside and the next day my neighbor was like

yeah she was she was like check your i have web we have webcams security cameras all around the

house and she's like yeah check your cameras because there was a bear in the back in your

your backyard i'm like what's together and like what time just go around nine o'clock at night

and i looked at the camera and like around the time that i was walking homer there was a fucking

bear and two juvenile they weren't cubs anymore but they were they were getting they were like

adolescent uh it was a mama bear with two adolescent bears and and uh mama bear that's

the worst situation yeah dude if the mom if that if i would have gone back there with the homer

and that mama bear would have seen me and him.

If they wanted to attack Homer, dude,

you would have probably been in the middle of it.

Yeah, I know.

I would have picked Homer.

If Homer started woofing,

then the mama bear would have been freaking.

And that would have been trouble.

Yep, we got lucky there.

So now I don't take them behind the house anymore.

I check the cameras.

If I'm going to, I check the cameras first.

Like, all right, it's clear.

Now we can go.

But, yeah, no.

Well, I don't know if there's any way for you to do it.

But, like, making noises, right?

I don't know if you've got a rattle or a bell or anything when you move.

So if you're making noises, these animals are going to hear it before you get there,

and they're going to hide and take off.

But if you're right up on them or whatever, that's how you surprise them especially.

That's when you get in trouble.

Or they're going to hunker down to kick ass.

That's the other problem.

They're going to hunker down and kick some ass, too.

You know how they are, these animals.

Well, if it's a black bear, I think if it's a black bear, you're supposed to take the fuck off.

off and it's a grizzly you're supposed to lay down like you're dead i get them i hope i don't

got them backwards i was actually hunting up in wisconsin and i came pretty close to a black bear

probably maybe to 30 yards at most and i just stood my ground we looked at each other and he

just walked away wow it was pretty scary uh i'm bad dude fuck that well see they eat a lot of

berries and shit but they're omnivores they will eat me and they will take an animal that's alive

They would prefer carnage and shit, but they would take a live animal if they were hungry.

Yeah, but, dude, fucking grizzlies, you can't fuck with.

Grizzlies are fucking killing shit.

Grizzlies don't, like, that's what I'm saying, like, fucking wicked, dude.

They've got a claw on them, dude, as long as your finger.

I know.

Just a claw.

But that fucking movie.

The claw is, like, as big around as your finger.

The fucking movie The Revenant, where the fucking, the Capra gets raped by the bear?

Press one.

For store hours, press two.

I ain't gonna get raped by the bear.

There is one, what, got one wicked weapon, man,

and it fucking falls, man, in that slanted head.

Transferring, please hold.

Don't try and shoot a bear in the head, either.

You better have something with good...

If you're going to shoot a bear, you need to have something...

You need to have some stopping power behind that

if you're going to try to shoot a bear,

because you're just going to mess him up.

No, the skull is designed at an angle it leans back

so the bullet ricochets off of it instead of penetrating it.

Oh, shit.

You have to go between the eyes.

The eyes.

Well, that's the problem.

You've got to remember the bear's head's slanted.

it it's not flat so the bullet coming at it is like coming at an angle the bone it slants the

dog like it's not an easy shot taking a head shot on a bear there's some changes at work i may get

a schedule or get on an hour earlier thank you for calling willis i may direct your call is larry

there to a world larry um one second check the schedule i guess what i'm doing because he was

supposed to i was just to go pick up weed from him he was just to leave it there in uh one of

of the boxes fuck that up damn it let's say i get through to tour world direct this time and i hit

the wrong option stupid carlos stupid waste she's not having any of that no no weed no weed there

thank you it's fucking hawaii all they do is smoke your setup for the clock

for directions all they do in hawaii smoke weed and eat pineapples for store hours press two

yeah yeah because it has there's a story about hardware yeah is uh larry there hello larry i

know this is hardware oh i was looking for larry and tool world uh okay one moment okay cactus in

the madhouse chat is saying how much do i have to send via patreon to get a two-hour show of just

eggs with heat calls wow good idea nothing this is going anywhere this is depressing i'm gonna kill

kill it all right so i'll wrap it up with a heat call because i know those uh i can get a i can

it's really easy to get a denny's or a waffle house you know to pick up and ask for some shit

we heat you know i say we do it in puerto rico what do you say there's a denny's in puerto rico

denny's in san juan oh well no wait a minute wait a minute no oh come on it's in the tourist area

they got it in a tourist area i'm calling islam edu you say puerto rico's got it going all right

I know this part of this.

Where the tourists are coming in, it's fine right there.

I was talking to my cousin the other day.

She's like, if you go to the tourist area, it's fine.

And where we live, it's fine.

But if you try to go anywhere else, shit.

Oh, okay.

My family lucked out.

Some people were asking me.

I don't know if I had that update.

Yeah, I was supposed to be in Puerto Rico when the hurricane hit.

My flight was leaving the day that Maria hit.

And I had it canceled the day before.

I was like, I was all packed up.

I was all excited.

i bought gifts for my family i had all this shit i spent the weekend packing but listening to the

coverage i was listening on the internet radio to the puerto rican stations is listening and

they're like god there's still a chance it might miss i'm like i need this vacation i want to see

my fam and yeah the day before i woke up and then they were like you know they're you know make your

final preparations and the airport's closed i'm like i guess i was at work i was all pissed off

and they all heard me all like i was calling the airline like to cancel and all shit and

my co-workers were all like we're sorry man and the crazy thing is i was about to go the week

before i would have been stuck hey sanos my name is cool carlos i'm an american yes okay

do you speak english yes okay do i have to i just got here um how do i how do i pay do you pay with

uh like puerto rican money dollars or coconuts or something um like normal american dollars

how do i where do i exchange for coconuts and all that do i do any i mean how does that work

or pesos money for coconuts is it how do you pay with pesos pesos no like american dollars

oh i can use the american dollars here yes oh wow i had no idea because i'm not from this country

you know okay like um puerto rico is actually a territory yeah yeah yeah whatever i heard the

story i don't believe it i gotta make an order then okay would you like to make another i like

to make an order yeah okay i can only one order of eggs one eggs eggs okay uh-huh that's it uh

yeah with uh the eggs yeah um the term of your egg the what the term like sunny side up over

Over medium, over hard?

The term?

I need them cooked.

Okay, like scrambled?

With heat.

Use hot, make it hot.

Make it hot.

Yes, I get it, but like scrambled?

Well, you put the eggs on the grill and you make it go hot, make it go.

Okay, perfect.

What else?

Okay, one meat.

Mm-hmm.

One plantains.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, okay.

Yeah, something else?

Do you have mofongo?

No, we don't.

Okay, I heard good things about Mofongo.

All right, all right.

Can I put my friend on the line?

He has to make an order, too, okay?

Yes, of course.

Julio.

Motherfucker.

Chinga for tu puta madre, hijo de puta.

Hijo de tu pinche reputa madre, maricón, cabrón de mierda.

All right, what a great call.

Wow, I'm glad we waited for that.

I got the...

You guys have dropped a connection there.

I guess so.

I think the internet packet burst.

Don't let it go.

Yeah, yeah.

I got a...

It's time to...

It's time to use security.

It's time to wrap it up.

I'm going to let you go there, caller.

Thanks for calling in.

Thanks for being a friend.

Yeah, thanks for having me on.

Hey, no problem.

Who was that, Brandon?

Nah, it's Ian.

Ian.

Remember Ian?

Ian.

Okay, okay.

Get out of there, man.

So much shit went wrong tonight.

Have a good night, Ian.

Thanks for calling, brother.

Smoking marijuana and cigarettes.

All right.

See you, Ian.

Bye-bye.

Thanks.

Yeah, right along with you there.

Peace, bro.

All right, Milkman, quickly, we've got to get out of here.

Athena already sent me a message saying get the fuck out.

Hey, wait a minute.

Before that, I need to make a public service announcement.

Go ahead, brother.

What you got?

About these freaking gas card pumps, okay?

If you go and get your gas at a gas station, they got a card, like, pay at the pump auction.

Yeah.

User beware, okay?

Even if you have a chip card, they have the capabilities of reading either a swipe card or a chip card

and intercepting that information and then making unauthorized charges on your card later on.

that a lot of the credit card companies don't want to just have.

So the only thing you can do is either pay in cash

or hope that you go in and pay at the counter

and that everything's cool and that you pay at the counter.

Well, the other thing is the hackers,

they just slip in the skimmer at the machine,

but they make it so they can pull it right out.

They're not going to be out there screwing it in and stuff.

So all you've got to do is...

No, no, I'll tell you what.

They did this.

This is what happened.

Here's what I found out.

Now, maybe I haven't told you this, but at the gas station where I usually go to sometimes,

the guy, I went in there and I figured it out.

I had a new transaction show.

I was like, what the fuck?

I said, you know, I said, I want to move the gas pump.

I did not.

I'm on a different car.

And I said, what's the point?

And I went in there and I told him.

I said, I think your car is going to come along with your fucking pump out of here.

Because no sooner than I used your pump, less than 24 hours later, I got these big charges on my car.

right and he said the owner said he said we found something inside yeah he said we called the police

he said you need to call the police i said i've already spoke to them he said well we called the

police and told them to open the pump up and showed him this orange wire and the police said

well what do you want me to do he said well the orange wire is not ours he said we didn't put the

orange wire in there that's something else yes it's a skimmer pump apart listen they took a pump

apart unscrewed the out frame of it and opened the machine up from the inside to not break the

seal oh they did and installed it okay installed it without overusing the key he took the machine

apart because they say if you just go up to it if you i always do that now it's been a couple

years now whenever i get to the pump i pull on the thing where you put the card in to make sure

it's it's the actual thing it doesn't wiggle and it shouldn't wiggle are actually the one piece of

of all big pieces of plastic, dude.

So, I mean, it's pretty obvious

that it's not adding on.

But this shit they're adding on,

and I'm telling you,

it's inside the machine.

They're getting better.

They're getting fucking better, yeah.

That's fucking crazy.

Yeah, and he said the only reason

they knew for sure that they did that

was because they scratched the metal.

And that's how they figured out

how they got inside the machine.

So they couldn't figure out

how they got in without a key.

Oh, shit.

So what you're saying is

everyone paid cash for your gas

or pay inside?

Well, here's your choices, okay?

The best way is to pay cash, and a lot of people don't like to carry cash.

So if you are going to use your card, then at the very least,

you want to go inside to the counter where the person working there will let you use your card.

If you've got a chip card, they can't take it out of your hand, right?

You're going to stick it in their machine.

Usually a business is not going to be in the business of ripping your card off

while you're doing business.

All right, I got you.

All right, good public service announcement.

Milkman, take us out of here real quick.

Say thanks.

And the bad news is I still haven't got no money back.

So there's no chance in hell maybe I may ever see you.

Fucking Chinese, man.

Guys, be careful out there.

Hey, man, it's good to have everybody back, man.

It's so good to hear all our friends showing up around here.

It's been fantastic hearing all these old voices of friends,

people calling from the good old names I haven't heard from in a while.

But that's what we do every week here.

It looks like it's coming back, folks.

This season 14 is going to be a weekly thing.

That's right.

Every Thursday, we do it right here in your ear balls.

The Hermione Eto and I, your friendly milkman.

That's right.

Join us here, man.

We do this every week.

We drop the dime.

We do this all on our own time.

We just ask you to bring a friend, or better yet, bring an engine,

because you're always welcome right here in the Madhouse.

Right.

And I want to also give a big fist held high to our park man brother

that sends our numbers in.

Thank you so much for your help and all your scenarios.

That's very much appreciated.

And the other contributors to the show effort tonight brought in some good numbers.

Thank you so much.

All our guest callers, man, stopping in.

That was really fantastic.

Thank you so much.

Everyone who left voicemails.

Ethan sent in some numbers.

Matt, the promo people, our voicemail people.

Hey, man, they're so good.

I'm loving this, dude.

This new interaction thing is really working out, man.

I'm loving it.

I hope you're digging it as much as I am.

I'm having a blast.

we heard from matt too thank you matt for your contribution man stopping by

yeah go ahead go ahead quickly quickly i'm gonna get in trouble my wife i was gonna say also i

just want to thank everybody else i was gonna turn it over to the big hermanita we couldn't

do it without our fearless generalissimo of the madhouse that's right our leader of the militia

thank you so much hermanita all right good good real quick everyone uh live prank calls going on

in the chat room

over at

discord.gg

slash pranks

hosted by

I don't know if it's still

hosted by the same folks

or

Dragon Mirror

I think

Joker Mirror and Olga

that we talked about earlier

but

live pranks

in the voice chat

in discord.gg

slash pranks

be a pal

go in there

have some fun

you don't have to do the pranks

just chill out

I'm going to try to jump in there

I'm kind of awake still

I don't have to work tomorrow

so I'm going to be up in there

hopefully

having some more fun

yeah

why are we doing another

half hour show

because uh because i just i can't i can't man i can't this is enough all right

i'll tell you later all right all right everyone uh uh sorry for i mean we did we did all right

today it wasn't a bad show but we've had better but we're still it was good

You know, we had a few little...

I go to the show 6.87.

We just got to get our audio level set up, dude, and then set up a routine, and we check

that shit here ahead of time, and we tackle the problem in advance, or tell her our problem

in advance.

I go to the show 6.87.

All right.

Everyone, madhouselive.com.

Check out our links over there to the podcast, to the shoutcast, and listening options.

uh dial 605-475-0097 to listen to us on the go leave a voicemail during the week 405-396-6884

that's 405-39 mouth and uh follow me on twitter at madhouse on twitter facebook madhouse.live

patreon.com forward slash madhouse send us some support if you can by all means not required

wired and uh yeah so look uh i i think i can scrounge up enough for a short prank calls of

the week this week so look for that on monday and look for this show to be edited uh sometime

over the weekend and available to you to download by monday as well thank you milkman for being on

brother love you like a brother from another mother motherfucker all right thank you so much

fucking little penis together later okay we'll work on that little issue later in the week okay

Okay, sounds good, man.

All right, keep me fancied, and maybe tomorrow, if you're not too busy.

I got you.

All right, everyone.

Again, my pranks coming up at Discord.

Discord.gg slash pranks.

Be there.

Peace out.

Catch you next week.

Somehow it all falls back on me.

If it was up to you, this is the way it's always gonna be.

Hey, people.

No faggots.

Damn you.

Fucking drunk, pervert motherfucker.

Calls (30, 1 h 7 min of 2 h 58 min)

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