Prostate Exam Procedures

Yep, I've got cock here.

What are you, fucking retarded, man?

You know what?

I'm going to hang up because that comment is totally inappropriate.

How many penises have you seen today?

I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live.

I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito.

That's my big amigo.

So just kick back to listen to this cat call, people.

When this show goes live, I'll be like, damn, this shit's bitchin'.

Stop whatever I'm doing to tune in and listen.

You can catch me in the back of his home at Horse Machine Ranch Road.

I'm busting mad fat flows for assholes and banchos

Must be crazy, shout out to Big Amy

That's nice, honey, baby

We kissing pussies, so ladies, set your labia

It's crazy how the stuff that my bruh might say to ya

Face it, cause it's the number one prank cast

Stay back if you can't handle all the straight laughs

That we hand to your dome

And if you want, call the number

You can listen to this show on the go

Big up to the man in the madhouse

To show love, just stick your motherfucking hands up

Some come close, but they can't get it right

Let the king do his thing.

It's time for Madhouse Live.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the main event of the evening.

And those in attendance and fans watching around the world, live.

It's the largest prank call station in the nation.

Thank you.

Can I help you?

Yeah, I need a little favor here in the bathroom, the toilet room.

I'm sorry?

You know the toilet room?

Yes.

I need a little help there.

I have something in there that needs to be adjusted, please.

So you want me to send a manager?

Well, there's a camera.

Do you have a technician?

I put a camera in one of the women's toilets, the handicap stall,

and I think, like, some feces got on it or something because it's covered up.

It's trying to get it to come up, and it's not coming up.

Come on, man, milkman.

You like that shit?

No, right now, that's a big deal in South Korea right now.

What?

Shits?

Taking shits in a toilet?

No, no, no.

The women there are just covering their faces up so that no one can know who it is because

they get away with doing it.

There's a name for it.

Mato or...

Kaka?

Moto or something.

It's big in South Korea.

It's Kaka Pee Pee.

We need to look that one up.

Kaka Pee Pee.

No, no, no.

It's a trend.

There's something that's going on.

It's heard on the news.

I don't know.

NHK or somewhere.

Oh, I know what it is.

Moto or something like that.

Can I help you?

Yeah, hi.

We're with moto.com, and we were calling about the camera we have installed in your women's restroom.

Pepe Pippo?

Hello?

Yeah.

Are you there?

Is that the manager?

Yes, sir.

Hi.

Okay.

I represent Pepe Pippo.

That's a company out of Korea.

I have the gentleman on the line from our South Korean partner's office right now.

They reported that we have a camera, a web-enabled camera, in your women's restroom in the handicap stall,

and it seems to be either covered up or it's facing down.

Do you have a technician who could help us out with that, please?

I can put my man on the line now.

Who are you supposed to be calling?

What company are you supposed to be calling?

Ross Dress for Less.

Okay.

What address?

Let me see here.

I've got to look at my papers.

Give me a second.

I have to type it up.

I don't understand what the big deal is here.

I mean, obviously, I'm calling, right?

Like, what's the confusion?

Let me go ahead and put you on hold there.

How long is this going to take?

Because I have a lot of these to get to.

Asshole.

You see, it's called Milkman.

How big people are.

You watch these videos?

Do you like them?

I use them for some of the stuff I rarely watch.

You rarely watch.

I understand.

I don't think they're going to answer a third time, Milkman.

I don't think they're going to answer a third time.

Very, very.

Another quick call to a Target.

Hi.

Thanks for calling.

Our normal store business hours are Monday through Friday, 8 a.m. to 11 p.m.

Hello? Yeah, hey, Beecho.

You entered an invalid extension.

What the fuck?

All right, forget the target.

Yeah, Milkman, what's up?

Beechito.

What's up? Yeah, yeah.

Beechito.

I'm here.

Hello?

Milkman's got the phone up his ass.

Let's call him again.

In the meantime, what a great opportunity to let you know, for the first of many times,

that you're listening to Madhouse Radio Machine.

Hi.

Thanks for calling the El Paso Central Greatland Target Store.

What's so great about it?

See, Milkman calls back nothing yet.

He couldn't hear me, but you guys could hear him.

Oh, man, I'm so excited.

Before I did the show, I went to my medical dispensary of marijuana,

and they started sales of flour, of marijuana, plant, dry leaf, Pennsylvania, yesterday.

Picked some up today.

Check it out.

Hey, what's going on, cowboy?

I was in silence, brother.

Oh, no, yeah, I heard you saying bicho, bichito, and I was saying hi, but you weren't saying anything.

Oh, I couldn't hear you, brother. I was in silence.

It's okay. Let's not dwell, buddy.

Hey, listen, I'm going to send a text to you, man. I found what I was looking for.

I know the name of it.

Okay.

So, I'll text you the article right now.

I'm going to give you an email address.

No, you want me to text it to you?

Text it. Text, text, text it.

It's not me who put this, right?

Text it, buddy.

It hits my computer.

It's called Molta.

Molta.

All right, listen, while you do that,

while you do that,

madhouselife.com is the website for everyone to go to.

Elkman is working on texting me this dirty pornography.

Dirty, filthy, where girls shit and piss.

Madhouselife.com is the website.

You can get our shoutcast tune in.

links there, and also

you can watch the show, you can watch me

doing the show, rather, live on YouTube

Live, or you can just go to the

YouTube channel, which is Madhouse

Radio. YouTube.com

slash Madhouse Radio.

Oh, this is private, brother.

While you're at it,

follow me on Twitter, at Madhouse

on Twitter, Facebook, Madhouse.live.

That's Madhouse.live

on Facebook. Support this

show, Patreon.com

slash Madhouse. Oh, I

I got an announcement here.

Milkman, I didn't go over this with you, but I came up with an idea, Milkman.

I came up with an idea.

I came up with a money grab idea.

I want to see what you can do.

All right.

So right now with patreon.com slash madhouse, you can help support us.

If you support a dollar, you get access to the Dropbox folder,

which you can use even with a free Dropbox account to get unedited copies of this show.

So right after we go off the air, they go straight to your Dropbox account.

You can log in on Dropbox.com and download them,

or you can put them on your phone app or your computer,

have them sync up if you're a big user of Dropbox.

So you don't have to wait for it to get edited.

And actually, on purpose, I post the shows now.

The podcast doesn't update until three days after the show is on,

so I aim for by Sunday night until Monday morning.

The show you're hearing tonight will be edited and uploaded.

But if you're a Patreon subscriber of Elisa Dollar, you're a Militia member, you can get that as soon as we sign off the air.

If you upgrade to a $5 horse membership, you get that plus access to a Discord channel that no one uses.

I'm trying to get more people in there, but we do have an official Madhouse Radio one.

It's really good right now because if you message in there, I'm going to see it really quick.

It pops up on all my devices.

And if you ask a question or have a suggestion, I'm going to see it.

you know and it's kind of our i think it's going to be a growing thing you do you want to get in

on the uh running in on this discord madhouse thing early on so you can become an early investor

anyway so here's a plan that i have i came up with an idea and uh i want to know how the fans

feel about this and i want to know how milkman feels about this what i'm thinking is we're going

to set up a new tier it's going to be called machine the machine to you ten dollar tier

machine tier and what you will get is you're going to get an exclusive show that no one else

gets unless you're a member of that tier if you're a patreon subscriber on the machine tier you're

going to get an rss link a podcast that you can subscribe to which is going to have a show that

i'll a second separate show from madhouse radio the working title is international phone machines

machines international telephone machines that'll it'll be uh it'll be about 30 to 45 minutes uh in

length once a week and it's going to be super packed with prank calls that i don't do on this

show here um and they may eventually after like a year maybe i'll make them public but you know for

being a subscriber anyone who's who's uh who's donating more than uh five dollars right now will

We'll get grandfathered into that.

I do say that now.

Anyone who's at that level now will get grandfathered in.

See, I don't want to be out here trying to get blood from a turnip,

but I got things I got to do.

I'm hoping it works out.

Machine tier, I'm excited.

Milkman, I didn't even talk to you about this yet.

How do you feel?

Do you think this could be a benefit?

I mean, I want to, because there's some people now, like someone today,

I don't want to call anyone out, but I will.

Well, actually, tonight's show is sponsored by our Patreon subscriber, Amar, who's, I'm

not going to give out how much he's given, that's private, but Amar has been a subscriber

for quite some time, thank you very much.

He just upped it up this week on us, which I think is cool.

So, you know, people who...

He's getting some of that gold star action there.

Yeah, so see what I'm trying to say?

I'm trying to add more benefits, but also I'm trying to make some of that fucking money

too, you know what I'm saying?

you know trying to make some of that well it sounds like it it sounds like it would be a nice

access level to come in at man with the machine level dude because you get exclusive material

from from the air model himself dude so if you know you're really down with you know of what's

going on and you want the hottest and the latest and greatest dude like you know you can get in

at the machine level that'd be the way to go because then you get everything below and you

you get something that no one else gets it i'm not i'm probably happy god operated me here so

right go for it well this is another thing because the way me and milkman have been working with

bringing back the show like we used to do it we're we're gonna be we're doing more about we're gonna

take the calls incoming calls from the fans it seems to be a lot a lot of fun it reminds us of

what we used to do but everyone also likes where you know i jump on and i have a lot of cats on

on skype you know dwight and dom the bomb and brad and a whole bunch not that we don't do that

on this show anymore not as but we're not focused on that as much but that gives me an opportunity

to just you know join up with a whole bunch of guys on skype and we just start prank calling

and putting them together so it'll be an edited affair it'll be short it'll be really packed no

not a lot of talking a lot of pranks so it's just a complimentary type of show because then that way

you get the best of whatever you like

so if you got a

specific one you want you got it

if you got this one you want that

and if you like them all you can get them both

and I'll release it

I plan to release it on Wednesday

so it'll be

you'll get your regular episode of

Madhouse like everyone else does on

Monday, Monday morning

along with prank calls all the week

on YouTube on Monday morning

youtube.com slash madhouseradio

but then halfway through the week

you get another dose with that extra show on Wednesday

International Telephone Machines

and then the next day

it's a live show

so that's the plan

I want to start this by next week

by the next show

I think we'll do a free preview of the first one

so I'll create one of the first

episodes as a free preview for everyone

and then after that it becomes

a machine member

exclusive

exclusive so the phone lines are open i think is the phone line working milkman can you can you can

you try the mouth line see if it's working because i'd like to get a lot of people letting me know

hey if if you guys think it's it's me just trying to be a money grubber or something then no then

i mean we'll move on we won't do it that's a modest price that's a modest price you know

and i mean you know i think if you're really into it dude you want if you want to hear everything

thing, dude. I mean, how much

is it going to cost you to be in Fort Wright?

Wow, that's a big commitment.

Not really. You get a hell of a lot

of entertainment for your money.

It's not really about money. It's really

how much entertainment can you stand.

Ah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, listen. Let's get to more prank calls.

We got numbers from Parkman and we got

numbers from Ethan right now. I want to get to those

Parkman numbers early this week

because he sends them timed for the first hour

of the show. This is a job

People love these job prank calls

This is for a business assistant

Yeah, business assistant

They want someone with a basketball background

So explain that you're good at kicking the ball in the net

I don't think that's what basketball means, man

I don't think that's what basketball means

So shoot, dude

Now I'm not constrained to only vaporizing

All right, now listen, now, motherfucker.

Now, the law in Pennsylvania with the herb, medical marijuana, is you're not supposed to smoke it.

You're supposed to vape it only or make it into your own concentrate.

Uh-oh.

He's doing a voicemail.

Please leave your message for...

So your lines are open.

If you want to join the show, just if you want to call in and say what's up, maybe sit for a prank, join in.

That's 405...

My lines are open.

I'll wait until you get your call.

405-396-688-4

Caller, you're on the air.

What is up, man?

Hey, man.

How are you, man?

How are you doing?

You pervert motherfucker.

You, I'm a drunk pervert motherfucker.

Fucking drunk pervert motherfucker.

Dude, that's honestly like one of my favorite calls that you've made.

That is epic.

Oh, that doesn't even pale.

Hey, I got a picture of the guy now with a fucking horse, man.

With a horse.

Does he look?

Shut up.

Does he look like a typical Mexican dude?

Yes, yes.

He totally does.

A pair of sunglasses next to a horse.

Smiling.

I wish I could talk to that guy.

Well, I think I may have his number.

Let me see.

What's his name?

If he's listening.

Brandon, if you're listening, send me his number.

Who's your caller?

Yeah, who's calling?

Can you identify yourself?

Oh, my bad.

Yes, yes.

What's your code name?

Well, I guess just my name.

It's Jose.

We'll leave it at that.

Okay, Jose.

Jose.

All right.

Hey, Jose, what's happening?

What's up, man?

What's up, Milkman?

What's up?

You like Modelo?

All right, brother.

You like Modelo beer?

No, I do not accept Modelo time.

Modelo's are good.

My main question for you, Jose, is where's Rose B?

Oh, he's never heard that one, Milkman.

Oh, isn't that great?

I got you a new one.

Their motto's got shot.

Fucking legend here, Milkman.

Keeps them wet.

Oh, thank you.

Bless your heart.

I'm going to need to write that one down.

Hold on.

Yeah, don't.

Yeah, you can use it.

Can you use that one, Milkman?

Is that all right for him to take that one from you?

I don't give a crap, man.

He sounds like a nice guy.

He called in tonight, man.

It's just my question, man, because I didn't know who I was speaking to.

I'm sorry, Jose.

Thank you for responding.

I'm just giving you a hard time, man.

You're a cool dude.

He's just.

It's all right, brother, man.

I always like to know who I'm talking with, man.

Man, I don't get to talk to you very much.

Man, continue and carry on, my brother.

All right, I'm going to do another prank call.

Jose, if you would like to stay on for that, even jump in, I don't care, whatever you want to do.

Sure, if you need me to jump in, just let me know, man.

Okay, this is for an electrician apprentice.

Oh, the dark apprentice of the electricians.

Man, that's a job I'd be scared of, you know what I mean?

Oh, let me get my electric sound effects here.

I'm going to electrocute myself.

That's a kid.

I got the wrong.

Where is it?

I've got to organize the sound effects.

There we go.

Now I'm an electrician.

Now I'm believable.

Let's do it.

I love his sound effects.

I am sofa king.

We taught it.

Now repeat to us.

Sofa king.

That's 420.

What you got tonight, Milkman, for 420?

Oh, yeah.

Purple Cadillac and Diamond Terpsaw.

Beep, beep.

Favorite, man.

Purple Caddy.

Cut on straight.

All right, I got the number for the Mexican guy, the drunk pervert motherfucker guy.

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice message.

What do you got in your pen tonight there, hermanito?

I don't.

I told you.

I bought flour today for the first time, man.

If you're looking right now.

You got flour, you bitch.

You didn't share that with me.

Yes, I did.

What do you got?

Cinderella 99.

I'm holding out on a brother.

I'm holding out on your brother.

When I was vaping last week, I have it in flour form today.

share it with your brother man share it up i told you about that

where you gonna get it come here picho what i'm gonna do i'm gonna get it to you

what was that thing that he was selling again

uh stamina stamina table stamina table stamina table yeah his hello what's going on bro

Oh, you've got...

Please leave your message for...

Why was that number, like, extra loud?

Yeah.

I'm all out.

Ah, eh, okay, why?

Hey, oh, Milkman's gone.

Milkman died.

Everyone died.

Mr. Mexican, are you there?

Jose?

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

We lost Milkman.

God help us.

Oh, perverts and perverts.

Hello?

Hey, how you doing, brother?

Do you still have a stamina table?

A what?

A stamina table that you were selling.

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, I still have it, yes.

Yes.

Okay.

Was it used a lot?

It's for my son.

He's trying to work out.

He wants to play football.

Okay.

About the table?

Yeah, I got my son Jose's here, and he might have some questions.

He says, I don't know about that stuff, you know?

Okay.

Okay, Jose.

I don't know if I can.

Dile, Jose.

Yes, hello, sir.

Sir.

Que paso, Jose?

Do you have the stuff in the table?

I'm looking for the table because I'm trying to get the CISPA.

I need the CISPA abs.

How much were you selling it?

the i'm asking a hundred but you you're i don't know if he's your dad he offered me

a 75 yes hmm a hundred okay uh let's see but you because i don't know i saw one i saw one for 75

but um do i get to have a discount if i'm a pervert mother okay

Okay.

Fucking drunk, perverted motherfucker.

Give me a discount, man.

Come on.

I'm very perverted and extra drunk tonight.

We want to fuck on it, you know?

Just boys.

Boys fucking boys.

Yes, that's my workout to get my six-pack abs.

Parvejotos, hijos de su puta madre.

¿Por qué no van a chingar a su puta madre?

No.

Oye, no me hables así, por favor.

Eso es muy malo.

Muy malo.

No.

Muy malo.

Le voy a hablar a la policía.

Pinche maricón.

Son, por qué estás llamando para chingar a tu madre aquí?

Por qué estás diciéndome pendejadas?

Hijo de tu pinche reputa madre, maricón, cabrón de mierda.

¿Para qué llamas a decir chingaderas, hijo de tu pinche puta madre?

Aquí tengo tu número, te voy a reportar, hijo de puta.

Te voy a reportar, culero, hijo de tu puta madre.

Please do not call the border patrol.

Te voy a reportar, hijo de puta.

Te voy a encontrar, hijo de puta.

Te voy a encontrar.

Are you going to take my underwear?

Motherfucker.

Are you going to take my underwear?

What?

I got you, I got you, I got you.

4-5-6-7-9-9-6-7-4-5-6-7.

Faggot homosexual.

Sir, I think you have a very strong dislike to the homosexuals, sir.

That is not healthy.

I think you're both faggots.

You feel like the big, big, black, big, big.

I'm not thankful.

I'm thankful.

Hijo de tu pinche putisima madre.

The drops on this are going to be golden.

They're going to be great, yeah.

¿Qué quieres, hijo de puta?

Hey, how big is your mother's...

¿Qué quieres?

¿Qué quieres, hijo de tu pinche puta madre?

¿Qué quieres?

How big is your mother's clit?

Fuck you.

Okay, fine, you got it, you got it.

You know where we're calling from?

Hey, pendejo.

Pendejo, Pendejo, come to Walmart.

Pendejo, come to Walmart.

Come to Walmart, damn motherfucker.

Come to Walmart.

I have to buy a new lawnmower.

I have to buy a new lawnmower, so just come with me.

We're going to kick your ass and fuck your wife.

I'm going to put your dick under the lawnmower so I can see if it works.

Okay, like I did to your mom?

Hey, we're reporting you right now.

Oh, he hung up when he heard the sound.

I had to call Milkman back.

Oh, good stuff.

Nice.

He doesn't smoke.

He doesn't drink.

He's a vegetarian.

I can't believe he told me that.

I was like, oh, vegetarian.

Milkman, I'm sorry.

We were in the middle of talking to that Mexican guy.

It was funny.

Sorry, bud.

I'm going to be here on the side of it, but I couldn't say a word.

I got lost, man.

I got lost.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, buddy.

I forgot you were in that part.

It was hilarious.

All right.

Well, Jose, thanks for being on, man.

That was fun.

Dude, thank you for letting me talk to that guy.

Hey, no problem.

Give us a call next week if you're around, all right?

Oh, shit.

I can't do a show next week.

That's a whole story.

Next show.

Next show, all right?

I know.

All right.

the mierda, you know?

You pervert

motherfucker.

All right.

Hey, do you think

he's Mexican?

Because Dom the Bomb

close to...

Yeah.

He thinks he's

South Korean.

Yeah.

The way that he insults

in Spanish

is definitely Mexican.

He sounds like my cousin.

Yeah, because he says

like cabrón,

like, you know,

like pinche

reputisima

is a big Mexican one,

too, you know?

I would imagine

ojete.

He could say

hoto, too.

He called us both

hotos at the beginning.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's definitely

Mexican.

Yeah, yeah, he's Mexican.

All right, Jose, see you later, man.

Good call.

Thanks.

All right, later, man.

Sorry to all our English speakers who may not have understood all that,

but you get the anger.

You feel the anger.

I want to say I'm sorry, Brandon.

Brandon, call in or something or give me a number to call you at.

Brandon wanted me to do that first call with him.

I have him on for the first time we called him.

My bad.

But it just came up, man.

That was fun.

And I got to get that picture out.

If Brandon wants to share it, I'll give that picture out for people to see.

A little picture of him.

People are...

People...

Okay, all right, wait a minute, wait, wait.

Really quick, really quick, I want to mention, I don't...

I didn't know you can...

So, people can donate on YouTube?

I had no fucking idea.

Like, this happened once?

I don't even know how to get that money.

I'm not...

I mean, ignore anybody.

How do I find out who's donated on YouTube?

Well, everyone who's done it on YouTube, thank you, first of all.

Thank you very much.

I didn't know that that was possible.

I didn't know I had that enabled.

No, really, anyone who would donate anything to me,

seriously, thank you.

So I'm working right now.

If someone can either tell me where I go in my YouTube control box

or I'll look for myself here so I can find out who's given what.

I think it's in my creator studio.

video and i will definitely give a thanks to everyone they're not intentional thank you very

much for helping out the show guys i'm working on it i'm working on you will get your thanks

regardless regardless thank you what would i do the analytics live streaming give me a second

we'll edit this out of the the podcast how you been doing milkman how was your week what's going

going on brother man no anyway what's wrong what happened okay okay so yeah ten dollars from

i hope to find out how i can retrieve that money somehow some way i'll figure it out

i'll figure it out thank you i think there's another ten dollar donation sitting there

And I believe that was a palindrome that gave me a heads up about that.

Thank you for looking out for the people.

Palindromes for the people.

Everyone, be sure you're at discord.gg forward slash pranks.

That's the main pranks zone for the community.

And there's links to that over at madhouselive.com also.

So be sure to check that out.

Thank you.

All right.

Moving on to another prank call, Milkman.

Perhaps one in English this time.

Someone's calling in right now, actually, Milkman.

Hang on.

Don't go anywhere, Milkman.

Welcome to Madhouse Radio.

Thank you for calling.

Please don't hurt me, my feelings.

Hello?

What's up, SA?

Hey, hey, SA.

How we doing?

Okay, what's going on?

Okay.

Yeah.

Hello, nothing much.

Who's calling?

I'm hanging in there.

Who's calling?

Is this Ethan?

Sounds like Ethan.

I go by Brooklyn.

Brooklyn.

Oh, it's Brooklyn.

What's up, Brooklyn?

What's up, Camino?

That's kind of a girl's name now.

I'm just saying, I mean, you do you, but...

You're going to roast me now, right?

No, no, no, I'm just saying

I'm just saying

See if I can get a chiropractor job

Can I do a prank with you?

Yeah, sure, you want a job as a chiropractor?

As what?

As a chiropractor

I'll do this one then, you do the next one

Okay

You think about what kind of prank you want to do, what kind of number you want

Okay

Hi, you've reached Dr. Peter Salama, please leave a message

Thank you

Oh, nothing from Dr. Salama

You have any idea what kind of call you'd like to do, sir?

I want to do something like food.

Like a food place and a complaint about the food I got.

A food place and a complaint about the food.

Okay, Brooklyn, we can do that.

Do you have a type of food you want?

Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Mexicans?

Whatever you choose, it's okay.

Oh, okay.

How about a diner?

Sure.

A diner run by immigrants?

yeah let's go all right it's coming up right now hang on this is in new york city in manhattan okay

okay well i'm not from new york but anyway well just sometimes it comes up like where you at if

you say oh i'm in brooklyn you're like oh wait a minute well i guess that would work all right

you're not like it's some kind of error but no offense you're not like in a brooklyn cell or

something are you well i am as i told you i'm not uh i'm not in the states right now

D-D-T?

Say what?

Is that D-D-T?

That's not D-T-T.

Tennessee.

I mean D-T-T.

What D-T-P stands for?

Morningstar.

Yes, hello?

Yes, Morningstar.

Restaurant.

Yes, I'm calling to...

Because I have a complaint.

You have a complaint?

Yeah, about the food.

Okay.

What's wrong with the food?

Basically, I picked up something earlier today and...

What did you pick up?

Chicken.

What kind of chicken, my friend?

57th and 9th Avenue.

I don't remember, like, the name exactly.

It was a spicy one.

Spicy chicken?

Yeah.

We're on 57th and 9th Avenue.

Yeah, right.

And so, basically, I was eating the chicken,

and inside it I found some dingleberries.

You found what?

Some dingleberries.

Do you know what dingleberries are?

No, I have no idea what they are.

Basically, it's like poop, poop stain.

My friend, I think you got the wrong place.

Wrong place

Bring it

Bring it here tomorrow

With the guy

Because I'm a night guy

Hey listen

Listen

Did you take a shit

In my son's food

You guys put shit

What are you

Fucking retarded man

What the hell

He asked for raisins

And you put this shit in it

Come on

Fucking him

God damn it

I had to come defend you sir

That's not right

Like people don't put feces

In people's food

Especially in New York

I thought that was funny

He hung up

Quick hang up

Alright

Big Brooklyn

Thanks for calling in

You got any complaints?

Well, thanks for having me, Kalito, and...

No problem.

All right.

Milkman, take care.

Take care of your prostate, Milkman.

Yeah, he's getting to that age.

Milkman, you need to get that check.

When's the last time you had your prostate checked, Milkman?

We got to talk about this.

I had a check last year.

He doesn't like answering those questions.

All right.

See you, Brooklyn.

All right.

Check last year.

Okay.

See you.

Bye.

That was pretty good for dingleberries, man.

All right, dude.

Funny.

Fucking kisses the guy.

He's a nice guy.

Fucking rolling kisses the man.

Milkman, you know, you're that age.

You got to bend over and get two fingers with the K-Y.

I already had it done last year, man.

I already had it done last year.

It doesn't feel good, man.

It's very invasive, right?

No, it wasn't painful at all, dude.

It was just kind of like...

Weird.

Yeah.

Did he milk it?

No, no, no.

He didn't do that.

No, no, no.

They just touched it, and then, like, pushed around real fucking hard on that shit.

And I'm like, God damn, what are you trying to do, punch a hole in me?

And he went, rah, rah, rah.

And that was it.

No, no, no.

It wasn't like that.

It was just like, no, I thought it was going to be really painful or something, but it wasn't.

It was, like, fucking, like, breezy.

It's a lot of pressure.

Yeah, it's pressure.

It felt like you had, like, a diarrhea shit, and then somebody, whatever was going on, he pushed around.

Yeah, yeah.

And I was like, fuck, man.

Like, you know, it wasn't that big a deal.

I wasn't painful.

I thought it was like hurt or something, you know.

So I was like kind of holding on, you know.

But it didn't.

So at least it wasn't that terrifying.

But no, it wasn't very pleasant.

No, it was a lot of pressure is what I felt.

So I'm just laughing at some, who was it?

Michael Vargas on YouTube said, call Brooklyn's parents.

I don't know anybody else's exam how it went, but that's how mine went.

It was about that.

I mean, you know, he wiped my butt for me, which is really nice.

At the end, he was like, here, I thought he was going to give me, I thought they gave

me the tissue, but he did it for me.

I don't remember.

I think it was like, I don't remember.

I think maybe I can't remember about the cough or any of that shit.

All I remember, I was just, I was so shocked that, I was just so shocked it was over like

that fast, right?

You know, like, damn, man.

That really sucked, but at least it wasn't long.

It didn't take long, you know?

It was this African doctor.

He's a nice guy in Orlando, and then he did it, and he's like, you know, don't worry.

I have to get this done, too, every year.

You're coming at that age.

You have to get this done.

This has to do.

No problem.

Yeah, but at the end, like, everyone I talked to about it, they said that the doctor gives you the tissues to clean yourself up, and he did it for me, and I felt like a little baby, and it felt kind of nice.

I guess he did.

I don't remember, dude.

I can't remember.

I was so shocked, right?

I was like, aw, you gave me a little wipey-wipe back there.

That's so nice.

Gentle doctor.

Gentle African-Nigerian doctor.

Oh, nice.

So, yeah, fuck that.

We should call a doctor's office and see what the policy is.

All right, let's do it.

Speaking of which, what about his numbers, man?

Did you check for his numbers yet?

Whose numbers?

I've been calling them.

Those are the ones I've been calling, but I haven't been picking up.

Oh, okay.

It's okay.

Did you see the Golden Gate Bridge or anything like it?

Castro.

Yeah, well, let's head over to the West Coast real quick,

and I'm going to see if I can find a doctor, like an urgent care,

that can tell me about getting that if they wipe it for you.

I'm sorry.

I took some iced tea to wake up, and it gives me the hiccups

and a bit of acid reflux.

Okay.

Well, anyway, I don't think it's supposed to be.

People should be terrified of it.

I really thought I was, dude.

I thought I was going to grab and hold on.

Well, I mean, I had a colonoscopy, too.

That was crazy.

That was, I saw the protocol.

Well, I think that's coming from me.

You know, the good news is, Milkman, if you can hold out,

they've got a test coming out that it's going to eliminate, like, 90% of colonoscopies.

So you won't have to do preventative colonoscopy anymore.

It's a blood test, simple blood test for it.

So hold off.

I would hold off at this point because you're saying it's already passed trials, it works fine.

The only need for a colonoscopy is to check to see if there was something wrong.

Can you give me the test number again?

Golden Gate Urgent Care, what's your location?

How may I help you?

Yeah, hi, I had a question about the, do you guys do physicals there?

Our physicals cost like $200.

Okay, that's fine, that's fine.

I'm an airline pilot.

I have to get it done.

Okay, well, do you need to sign by a doctor, or can it be a PA?

It could be like a PAC or a PA.

Uh-huh, it can?

Yeah.

It says that?

By an assistant, yeah.

They said just to get it by them, yeah.

It says right here, by a licensed doctor, MD, or an assistant, PA, or PA-C, it says.

Oh, okay, cool.

All right, yeah, we can help you out.

$200, flat fee.

Okay, so I need to make sure it includes the prostate exam part.

Oh, we don't do that part.

Oh.

Is that like a physical exam, or do you send out for that?

It says you send out when a man is a certain age.

they have to put the fingers in in there you know mm-hmm and they you know you

make a make like a pressure on the hook motion I don't know hold on let me ask

and can you check can they forget it who cares let's get milkman back on the line

and move from there he milkman was given the code word that he was having audio

trouble and then he he loves now he's gonna talk about it for 10 minutes man

Man, all I can hear is loud music.

I don't know what's going on.

I don't want to hear loud music, motherfucker.

Just a moment.

We're reconnecting Milkman.

Eh?

Yeah.

Yeah, what?

You called the mushroom, but, I mean, you know, it's like.

I couldn't hear nothing, dude.

If it goes silent, I start talking, and I don't hear nothing.

But I hear you.

You said mushroom pizza.

I know what you say.

Yeah, but how come Noah couldn't hear anything?

I don't know.

She just disappeared.

I don't know.

Maybe because Milkman phoned.

Milkman Swan always does that

No the audio dropped out

I'm telling you the audio dropped out

Right in the middle when she was talking

All of a sudden she was gone

It's okay

Did the call happen?

She put me on hold for too long

And I said no

I said no

Here's the voicemail

Maybe if I turn the audio up

We can get the voicemail

all the way. Do you want me to try the master

control line again? No, no, no,

no, no, you stay there. Alright, that was

a blank voice call. Here's another one.

Pick up, pick up, pick up, Carlito.

Oh, so I won. Pick up

now! I think that was the

close way. Okay, good, good.

Alright, everyone, so we're moving

right along. We are about

about an hour and 15 minutes

away from break, and we got about two hours

and 15 minutes left to show.

This is Madhouse Radio for

For August the 2nd, 2018.

Thanks for tuning in, everyone.

And if you want to join us, you can.

405-396-6884.

That's 405-39-MOUTH.

Join the show.

Why don't you ask me anything?

Jump in for a prank call.

All that stuff.

You can do it.

Let's do it.

Yeah.

All right, let's do another call here.

Let's call different urgent carers, see what they say.

Is the caller right in?

Hello, caller, you're on Madhouse Radio.

Please be nice.

Holy shit, Carlito.

I love you, man.

Hey, thanks.

We love you, too.

How are you?

Milkman loves you, I think.

Milkman, you love this guy?

You don't even know him yet, and you love him.

Who are we talking to?

Hello?

Hey, this is Twiggy, man.

I'm just calling in to say hello, and then I'm going to jump off.

I have to tell you, you've made me laugh for years.

And you guys are the shit, seriously.

All right.

All right, Big Twiggy.

No problem.

Thank you for calling.

All right, Twiggy.

God bless you, sir.

Thank you, bro.

Cheers, gentlemen.

All right, bro.

See you, buddy.

Thanks, man.

Thank you.

Twiggy Ramirez.

Yeah.

All right.

Good to hear from Twiggy.

Yes, here we are.

Back to the call.

Thank you for calling Urgent Care.

Jesus.

If this is a medical emergency, please hang up and dial 911.

Really?

And 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. on the weekend.

Talk to a person.

We are located at 98...

Oh, my God, Yoh-me-oh, why?

It's good.

There's plenty of numbers we can call other than that shit.

Let's call this one here.

Let's call the McDonald's of urgent cares.

So, again, just recapping the news earlier,

there's going to be a new show debuting pretty soon here

from Madhouse, the crew of Madhouse Radio.

It's not just Madhouse Live.

It's going to be called International Telephone Machines.

It's going to be a Patreon subscriber-exclusive show

once a week, 30 to 45 minutes

or more in length.

And to get access to it,

you'll need to be a member

of our new tier,

our machine tier, which is $10

a month.

I've been forgetting to ask the callers what they think.

If they think I'm being a money grabber,

then we'll need to reconsider.

Because that's the last thing I want, guys.

If they think you're being a money grabber,

we may have to up to $15, brother.

I'm just saying, it's hard for me to do this shit.

I'm real excited about doing shows again,

But I got to justify it by my financial committee, a.k.a. Athena the wife.

So if I can come to her and say, hey, Athena, I'm making this much a month on the show.

She's like, fuck yeah, keep doing it.

Fuck yeah.

But if not, she's like, motherfucker, you need to stop doing that show.

Thank you for calling.

Sergeant Terry Jones speaking.

Yeah, hi.

I need to speak to someone regarding the prostate exam.

Were you seen here?

Well, yeah, kind of.

All right.

right so what happened was i went to a competitor and i had a prostate exam done as part of a

physical i'm an airline pilot i fly for united airlines and uh so i i don't know like i just

want to speak to someone there because they seem to be kind of unprofessional and the way they

handle it so i just wanted to ask what the common experience would be at other urgent cares that

might do this just to get a comparison before i you know because i'm not an expert at this kind

kind of stuff i don't really go to the doctor unless i really have to um let me put you on

hold real quick i mean can i just be straight and honest and tell you what it is that i'm asking

okay is it common for the doctor to use a tissue on my rear end after finishing the prostate exam

to clear it of the lubricant or should he be not be giving i thought he was supposed to give me the

tissues to touch myself let me put you on hold real fast okay okay how long will this be because

Because, listen, I've got a lot of people waiting.

We've got callers on hold and all that stuff.

One second.

Asshole.

I'm going to give you a baby.

Give me a corncob, too, you know, like they used to do back in the 1800s in the Victorian England.

Dude, it's been more recent than that.

Like, about the 1960s.

Really?

Last time I seen a corncob.

Yeah, I've seen them before.

Like an Iowan shit like that, probably.

No, dude, no, dude.

So, here's my question.

I've seen the corncobs, dude, but, you know.

You look for the Sears catalog.

You looked through the Sears catalog.

Corn cob is last choice, man.

Hello?

I'm going to transfer you quick, okay?

All right, let's go.

Well, did you eat the corn first and then use the empty cup?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

What it is is like the old corn cob is left over, dude.

It's like dried out.

Yes, this is a doctor.

Hi.

Hi, is this a doctor or a PA?

Yeah, I'm a PA.

Oh, of course.

All right.

So if you guys could help me out, I went to one of your competitors in town,

and I thought I was treated inappropriately by the doctor at the conclusion of my physical.

So I'm just calling just to gauge what other urgent cares would recommend

or say that the normal procedure is for this type of procedure that I got done.

I don't know what you're referring to.

It's when he said like he put like a glove on and like a lubricant

and he inserted it into my rectum to see, to touch, he said for the prostate.

To check your prostate?

Yeah.

He did a prostate exam.

He said it was called, right?

So first of all, is it correct that after I turn 40, I'm supposed to get this done regularly?

Because I had never had that done.

After how long?

40, yeah.

But you should be going to your primary care doctor for that.

Oh, but I don't go to the primary care.

I don't have anything wrong with me.

I work for United Airlines, and they require us now to...

This one pilot had a heart attack in the cabin, so now we have to get physicals every year if we're over 40.

Yeah, so we don't do those kind of physicals.

Okay, I know, but you do prostate exams there, right?

Well, not just, no, we don't do random, you know, exams.

You have to have, we're in urgent care, so you have to have a reason for us to be doing that type of an exam.

All right, that's fine.

Well, that's beside the fact.

What I'm trying to get at, I was just explaining what he did, right?

So I just wanted to make sure, first of all, after age 40, it is right.

He wasn't, like, trying to lie to me in order to do something like that, right?

No.

Okay.

All right.

Now then, is there, he, I was under the impression that he would give me tissues to wipe myself at the end.

Yeah.

You know, I don't know if I could be answering these kind of questions.

He did it himself.

That's how I mannered those.

He did it himself.

Well, I do that to my patients, too, as a courtesy.

So that's, okay, so.

To clean them.

The doctor does that?

Because I thought, I thought it was more appropriate for me to touch myself.

I don't understand.

Whatever you're comfortable with.

But he just started doing it.

He just started doing it.

Yeah, and to be honest with you, I do that to my patients because it's kind of messy.

Well, do you whistle while you do it and say, clean as a whistle, ha, ha, ha, when you're done?

No.

Okay, because he did.

You know what?

I don't think I can answer anymore.

This is not like a medical.

You're trying to compare the practice of one person against another.

Like what you're trying to get at is what is the standard of care.

I'm trying to get an average, right?

I'm getting a sample of different

nursing cares to find out.

So right now you're telling me that you're perverted is what you're saying

because you do it. No, I am not

perverted. Okay. At all.

You know what? Did you have children?

Are you doing it because you're trying to be a mother or

something? Like you wish you could have done that?

Okay. Is that why? You know what? I'm

going to hang up because that

comment is totally

inappropriate. How many penises have you seen today?

Uh...

...online to find a more...

Well, unfortunately, I was muted, but you didn't hear my mushroom call.

Ah, you were muted?

Yeah, I realized I was muted because I didn't want to make any noise, but then you didn't hear me call.

You couldn't hear the prank? You didn't hear the prank?

Yeah.

Okay, you're...

All right.

She was a trooper, though.

She hung in there.

She hung on, man.

How did we even get on this subject?

I asked you if you've had a prostate exam and we went from there.

And then I explained how the doctor wiped my butt and I liked it.

I thought it was a rare cardio.

I didn't even know how you even got on the prostate exam.

I don't know.

I asked you if you've had one before.

I don't know how I got there.

I picked a caller.

I had to tell you.

Yeah, that's when I passed it.

Yeah, hi.

I have a question about the prostate exam.

Did you just have a prostate exam?

Yes.

Sorry, I...

He used two fingers?

Which clinic?

I went to a competitor, but I'm trying to compare the standard of care because this...

I want to make sure if I can find out, like, was he lying or do I really need to have this done after I turn 40?

Hold.

Okay.

Let's just move off from the subject.

Milkman, so what's going on?

What is this?

What's going on?

This is where the Golden Gate is.

Is it the Castro Theater?

Is that what it is?

No, that's why I wanted to do that one after.

Oh, the Golden Gate Bridge.

The bridge has a telephone?

Okay.

Okay, I didn't know it either.

So what you want to tell them, okay, is they got these new robot cars, okay?

A lot of people, unfortunately, don't even know that they had a California-approved,

totally totally un uh totally unoccupied i mean totally driverless cars you can have a completely

robotic car driving anywhere in the state of california it's okay so you can tell them what

the money's motherfucking robot cars you know needless to you is they have purse or not you

can tell they got all those pensions on it right like speeding down the road trying to cut you off

right you know almost create an accident after right because one night i was actually out there

and picked up these guys that were operating one of these robot-operated cars.

They're sitting there talking and bullshitting

and didn't even bother to, like, control the vehicle

and it ran right through the whole gate of one of those emergency ticket stands,

right where they should be.

It drove right through it and totaled this fucking car.

So they already know that those robot cars are a hassle, right,

because it ran through one of their gates, man, you know,

and smashed up the booth.

All right, so what am I complaining about?

What did the robot car do?

What am I saying?

Complain about the robot cars, dude.

Okay.

I'll call my robot car.

Hello?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'd do that.

Hang on.

I got the number.

I can't hear anything.

I got it.

I got the number.

Hello?

Milkman, I don't think it's me that has the audio problems today, please.

Hello?

I'm here.

Hello?

We're here. We're here, Milkman. Hello.

Yeah, Golden Gate Bridge.

Hi. Is this the actual bridge?

Can you hear me? Yes.

I'll call back, alright? I'm going to call back, alright?

Because my friend's an asshole, alright?

Look at Milkman.

Killing me tonight, man.

Media do not initialize.

Try it again, man.

Media stream do not initialize.

cannot create something something okay hello what happened you i heard

i heard you talking you weren't saying you weren't hearing me but i heard you talking i was

replying to you i the call had started did you hear me say i can't hear anything yeah i heard

you say i'm gonna hang up yeah i heard you say all that yeah i i don't know if it's on this end i

don't know if it's on this end buddy i don't know it's on this end it's on your end man because it

It happens every time.

Yeah, but no one else is hearing it.

No one else.

Everyone else I'm calling doesn't get it.

We'll figure it out, Milkman.

Just don't dwell on it too much.

It's all right.

Yeah, hi.

Golden Gate Bridge?

Yes.

Yeah, what's up with those robot cars?

I'm sorry?

Robot cars.

Robot cars?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Those robot cars coming through.

These automatic robot cars?

No, not here.

Milkman, what is it with the robot cars?

Tell them.

All right.

The automated robot cars have all the sensors and all of them.

The guys are coming down through here.

They're coming across the bridge, and they're cutting people off in the lane.

They're speeding across the thing.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

This is the Golden Gate Bridge Department.

It's our emergency line.

This is an emergency line?

Do you have a serious question?

Yes.

This is not supposed to be an emergency call.

We need to hang up on them.

Yeah, we thought you were just Golden Gate Bridge.

We were mistaken.

Sorry, sir.

We're going to call the non-emergency line now

We're sorry

Bye, thank you for your service

Alright Parkman, come on man

That's not going to work

There's a bridge that has his own police department

Really? Is the Golden Gate Bridge that big?

Oh yeah, they got their own police department

They're everything

Imagine that

Yeah, we can't be calling the police

No, no, we ain't calling the police

I didn't realize it

Sorry

For those listening to this show

or watching, if you're learning

a prank call, if you ever make

that mistake, if you didn't

mean to do it, don't do it on purpose, for God's

sake, kids.

We're never intending to ever

challenge any

quality. They've got other stuff to worry about.

They've got a job, a very important

job to worry about. They don't need us

fucking around. Don't mess with

ambulances and police and fire

and hospitals and

shit like that. That's the code

Go to conduct that we try to say.

But like I said, you do it on accident, it's okay.

You don't freak out.

Don't make it worse.

Just say, I'm sorry.

I'm going to call the right number now.

Sorry.

That's all you do.

We have a caller on the air.

Caller, go ahead.

Please be nice.

Hey, what up?

Mikey G from the Bronx.

What are you doing?

Mikey G from the Bronx.

You're the Bronx guy from last week.

Hey, what's up?

Mikey, Mikey.

Not much, Spikey Mikey.

Good to talk to you.

What up, Milk?

Yeah, you too.

going on i got nothing to say i just felt like calling in

that's fine that's fine we're doing prank calls you ever have a prostate exam yet are you that

age yet yeah i did man i got really violated by my doctor yeah did he clean you did he clean you

at the end yeah yeah dude it was terrible yeah did he did he what did i say did he whistle and say

They clean those.

Where the hell did that come from?

I'm sure the doctor did that to me.

I didn't even warn him.

He just went for it.

Thank you for calling Reassure.

Our office is closed.

Our hours of operation are Monday.

That was an adult diaper place.

That was going to be perfect for this theme that we have tonight.

Oh, man.

How do I send you music?

How do you send me music?

uh that's a good question how would be the best way i mean if they're youtube if it's on youtube

you can just send me youtube links that's probably like like files like files i mean you can you can

you can you can you can email them but i mean there's going to be limits with gmail and all

that you can listen so many um you can drop box them and share the drop box link like if you have

have dropbox giving a free account upload them to that yeah and send me a link and i can grab

them from there sure yeah what kind of music you're thinking well i i gotta i mean i i'm a

dj so i have a lot of stuff but i i love i love the stuff you play you you have dusty the dusty

fingers collection could you play a lot of that stuff yeah uh dusty fingers though i don't know

i don't know that i'm from other he really likes the gay crying music i mean i'm telling you loves

I don't know about the gay crime music.

That's an old joke from the old days.

In the old days, somebody used to do a show and make fun of them because they did gay crime music.

Oh, I know who you're talking about.

KDK did the gay crime music.

Yeah, he was always...

Yeah, he always...

Jesus Christ.

God, but the same sad songs all the time.

Jesus Christ.

Those were horribly, horribly tormented songs.

that's the one

you like

you guys play

great music

and then another

thing I noticed

is you don't play

a lot of the

same stuff

like I mean

the stuff you

the sequenced

stuff you play

regularly but

like the stuff

you play in the

background usually

like I haven't

heard like repeats

you know

yeah I try

I've got like

I keep it all

on a playlist

and I try not

to duplicate

and I try not

to

keep listening

it's gonna get

better because

he's gonna now

start including

my files

So it's going to get a hell of a lot better

If you like music

I can't wait

If you love country music

Hang on for Milkman's Vibes

I'm going to punch your ass, boy

Oh, shit

Alright, I'm going to try and call for advanced hearing aid technology

You're welcome to stay on the line during that

If not

Thank you for calling MD Hearing Aid

This call will be recorded for quality

And training purposes

I'm hard of hearing

Please hold for the next available representative

Parkman just sent me an email apologizing it's okay it's a mistake it's all right we're good

it happens dude i've been there i know it's not intentional brother i was gonna say parkman's

intention wasn't to do that yeah we got you parkman yeah because i was like the bridge has

a number as soon as we realized where it was going dude we pulled her back for it went off the cliff

And guys, I'm sorry I had to eat, dude.

I hadn't eaten since like 10 a.m.

So I just had an Arby's chicken slider.

Shout out to Greenby, who made it for me.

Gotta get the Arby's Super 6 deal, man.

What's that, sir?

Super 6.

They've been advertising here, but it's too far for me to go.

Hello, an MD hearing aid.

My name is Terry.

Please, no calls are recorded for quality and training purposes.

May I have your first name, please?

Hello?

Really?

Come on, man.

You could have played with me a little bit.

I thought that was going to be hilarious.

I'll try it again.

See if I can get a lady.

A lady with a heart.

This call will be recorded.

I'm just going to make a run in the market.

Speak to the representative.

Please press 1.

Please hold for the next representative.

See if this wait is worth it.

Terry, is that a recording?

Somebody playing DVR?

What?

Oh, that one.

Cloud?

Yeah, it's my soundboard.

Oh, okay.

Because I was like, it's funny.

It's a hearing aid thing.

All right, okay.

I didn't know.

I'm trying to figure out where that sound's coming from.

I thought it'd be funny to call the hearing aid place and be like, uh, uh.

Yeah, hard of hearing.

Tell them you're hard of hearing.

Make them repeat it.

Tell them to talk louder.

That's what's really funny.

Well, tell me I'm hard of hearing.

Tinnitus.

Sinusitis.

Yeah.

Huge, man.

You've got sinusitis.

And vertigo.

Great.

Now I spilled Coke Zero all over the floor.

Thanks a lot, guys.

You've got to get a mirror, man.

That way you won't spill your Coke.

You don't have to clean it because there's no sugar in it.

Shit.

Nah.

Homer will come in and...

Get the cure shit, man.

Zero sugar.

My dog Homer will come in and lick it, and it'll kill him because he's got aspergillus.

By the way, happy birthday to Homer.

Please hold for the next available representative.

Happy birthday to Homer turned one year old yesterday.

Happy birthday, buddy.

One year.

Already a rotten boy.

He already done cheated way through the studio once.

We got him a birthday cake toy, and it plays happy birthday.

And today, not yesterday.

He played with it yesterday.

No worries.

Today at lunch, my lunch break, I was here at home, and he was playing with it,

and I started playing the song, and he freaked out.

Absolutely freaked out.

He ran to me and hit me.

He started barking at it.

He wanted to attack it.

Thank you for calling to order the MD hearing aid.

This is Dave.

Please know our call is recorded for quality and training.

May I have your first name?

Your name, please.

Can you hear me, sir?

Called MD hearing aid.

My name is Dave.

Can you hear me?

I'm going to disconnect the call for lack of response.

I appreciate you giving us the call.

Have a great evening.

Oh, oh.

Okay.

All right.

No more of that, but that's what we're doing.

Dave was a good sport, man.

Dave was a good sport.

Good call, man.

He's got to handle time.

He's got to get them going, dude.

He's got to get that handle time.

He's got to keep it down, man.

That's how it is in the call center world.

All right.

Bronxie, you got any pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop?

You got any pop-pop?

You got any pop-pop before I let you go?

Pop-pop people?

No, no.

Oh, thanks for making us laugh, dude.

You guys rock.

All right, big guy.

Thanks for joining us again.

Peace out, brother.

Thanks for calling.

All right, horse.

All right, machine.

Horse.

Horse machine.

Horse bastard fucker going to bite you when I say that.

I'm going to meet you in the Bronx and bite you.

All right, see you later, buddy.

What?

Well, I don't know why I did that.

I'm going to meet you in the Bronx and bite you.

Yeah.

Horsey cat.

He's going to be a horsey cat.

Bring his horsey cat.

It'll bite you.

It's going to bite you.

It's going to go up and roar.

All right.

If you want to join his line.

A little rag doll with flop teeth.

His line is now open.

405-39-MOUTH.

That's 405-396-688-FO.

Damn Coke Zero wasted on the floor.

I should get on all fours and drink it.

I told you to get a mirror, dude.

That way you won't see the floor.

I didn't say cocaine zero.

Caller, you're on the air.

Please don't be mean and troll and nasty.

Hello?

Hey, what's up, Big Carlito?

How you doing, man?

Hey, big guy.

How you doing?

Not too bad.

This is Major Tinnitus again.

Oh, dude, yeah.

Did you get the pine bark?

We were just talking about tinnitus.

All right.

I know, man.

I heard that I had to, you know, call in and make my presence known.

I don't have a whole lot to say, but I did want to make a short announcement that I have

introduced a new fan to the Madhouse.

Oh, cool.

All right.

Yeah, I just wondered.

yeah all right is your mom welcome aboard no no it's definitely not i just wanted to say what's

up to uh dr love she's not listening live but she'll be listening to uh the cast gets uploaded

okay cool or dr lurve all right that's right yeah dr love you know what i'm saying yeah all right so

yeah hey i was wondering if you remembered a call that you did where you said you were going to take

I was going to take a shit in the potted plant and call it turtle soup because that had me dying.

No, I don't.

I was going to take a shit in a potted plant and call it turtle soup.

No.

That sounds like a 2013, 2014 thing for some reason, but I did not.

It was pretty old, man.

Oh, yeah.

No, I don't remember that, but if someone out there knows it has a time stamp or if you've come across it, let me know because now I'm interested.

Yeah.

If I find that show again, I will definitely do that.

It was so funny.

I died, man.

Turtle soup.

Nice.

I can't say I remember it, buddy, but thanks for bringing it up.

That's awesome.

I'm going to call for a bulldozer.

You can stay on the line if you want.

If not, you can clear it.

Whatever you want, buddy.

You know, I'm at work.

I got a lot of noise in the background.

I don't want to ruin the call.

You got a lot of shit you got to do.

I got a lot of shit I got to do.

All right.

Shut the hell up, buddy.

The dog.

It was the dog.

Love you too, Milkman.

Yeah.

All right, brother.

I love you, man.

Thanks for calling.

All right.

Peace out.

Enjoy your work.

Take care.

Don't work too hard.

Later, man.

Bye-bye.

All right.

Don't work hard, bro.

Enjoy it.

The mouth line is now open.

Keep on listening here, man.

That's right.

If you've got to work, listen right here while you're working.

We'll save many lives.

You won't have to kill somebody.

Just keep on laughing with the madhouse, baby.

Yeah.

His line's open, 405-39-MOUTH, but we're on the call.

Hello?

Yeah, we're here.

Milkman.

Are you giving me the silent treatment again?

No, no.

Come on now.

I hear you.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

Hi. How are you doing? You got bulldozer rentals?

We do from time to time. They're hard to get right now.

Why are they hard to get?

Well, because we got this fire down here, and everybody that didn't have a dozer already called up and took one.

I'm not concerned with the fire. I'm concerned with my wife who's cheating on me with this guy named Lysol.

You don't even know what that means, man.

There's a guy in the neighborhood named Lysol. He doesn't work. He's on welfare.

I found him sleeping in bed with my wife, so I need the dozer to plow through the house, or at least one corner of it.

Do you have any rules?

Well, that sounds like a fun plan.

When I rent the dozer, I do what I want, right?

Well, you know, not so much, actually.

Well, look, don't make me bite you, okay?

Well, good luck with that, man.

I'll bite you on the arm.

Yeah, I was hoping this would be more entertaining.

I'll bite you in the calf muscle.

And I'll give you a prostate exam.

Aw, well, thank me for the money.

I'm funny.

Fuck you, bitch.

Let's call Milkman back before he has a hissy fit.

Man, I'm trying to talk to you all the time.

That might be him calling on this one.

Hello, is this Milkman?

Yeah, this is Milkman. Hi.

Oh, hey, Milkman.

Hey, Brad Carter's here with Milkman. Yay!

What, Brad Carter?

Yeah, Brad Farner.

He got through.

Hey, old man Brad!

How you doing?

Welcome.

I hear you need a hearing aid.

Aw.

Thanks.

You too, Milkman.

Good to have you back on the show.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to blow your ears out.

I was just excited to hear your voice, my friend.

Long time no hear.

Excited.

No, nothing to apologize.

Nice.

Brad, I'm calling about golf balls if you want to jump in.

No, I don't really do prank calls, you know.

Oh, okay.

I'm just kidding.

You're a profound phone hacker.

Check out this song.

Yes, kitty.

Golf balls.

Thank you for calling golfballs.com.

Our phones are staffed Monday through Friday, 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. Central Standard Time.

Please leave a message and your call will be returned.

Oh, no, I hung up on Brett Carter.

I hung up on Brett Carter.

I'm sorry, Brett.

Oh, what do you mean I hung up on you?

No.

Brett called back real fast.

I'm stupid.

Fucking, I'm such a god damn fuck.

fat finger

fat finger alert

that's what happens

if your fat finger gets too fat

I didn't mean to do it

I'm sorry

I punched the wrong button

I didn't mean to hit the dumb button

we'll hold right here and do some promos

to see if I can grab him back on the flip flop

Brad call back god damn it

before one of the white boys calls in

madhouselife.com

websites there, links are there

shoutcast tune in

And be sure to check out the YouTube feed there

And also the hijinks

Discord.g slash Brank's a little caller

You're on the air

Hey Carlito it's Brandon

You're not Brank Carter

Hey Brandon how you doing

Hey man have you been getting my messages

With the numbers I'm giving you

On Facebook's

Yeah I don't know what I'm going through

It gets a little crazy I get a lot

If you don't give me a heads up that you're going to

I may not remember

Okay no no that's cool

I just want to make sure you're actually getting them

Yes, here they are.

Here they are, yes.

See, they got buried down because, honestly, I'm not trying to act like I'm King Kong Ding Dong,

but I get a lot of messages during the show.

No, I got you.

You're sitting at Menards.

Is Menards a grocery store, or is it a...

They're like a home improvement store.

Actually, I didn't work at that store, but I worked at another store.

So I used to work for the company.

Oh, I see.

Yeah, they're like a home improvement store, like Lowe's and Home Depot in the Midwest.

You know the inside jargon.

All right, cool.

Yes.

Yes, but I know some of the people I've met.

All right, cool.

Milkman, are you there?

Can you hear us?

Ah, howdy, howdy.

Thank you for calling Menards and Rehoboth, where we are dedicated to service and quality.

Visit Menards Pricing and Ability.

What the hell?

What the hell sounds that?

To view our weekly ad or to purchase products for in-store pickup or ship direct to your home.

Call me in the stair and I can help you.

Hey, how you doing?

I've got a problem with caulk.

Yeah.

Okay.

I bought caulk and we had to do some caulk work in the shower.

okay all right now i'm having a problem with the cock getting soft in the shower when the water

hits it okay all right do you have any recommendation for that is there a way that

i'm not applying the cock correctly i need to keep my cock hard in the shower i can get you

to that department if you'd like uh well you're plumbing i thought all right we have nothing to

do with cock okay so what is it adhesives or what do i need to talk to so i know for next time

In the paint department.

In the paint.

Okay, I guess I'll give you that.

All right, well, thank you.

Please put me through.

All right.

I'm your class ahead.

You're headed to Catholic Family.

Sir?

Hey, you're here.

I'm here.

Okay.

Are you there?

Okay, yes.

Hello?

I can hear you.

Can you hear me?

Hello, this is Eric speaking.

Yes, hi.

Do you deal with caulk?

Do I have caulk?

Yeah.

Yep, I've got caulk here.

Okay, we have a problem with the caulk in the shower.

My caulk is getting soft in the shower.

Okay, what kind of caulk are you using?

It's like a black caulk.

Okay, is it a silicone or is it a water-based latex?

I'm not sure exactly.

Okay.

How can I, I need a caulk in the, I need to keep my caulk hard in the shower.

And it seems to be happening whenever like cold water gets on it especially.

It kind of shrinks, it shrinks up and gets soft.

Let me see.

Yeah, that is an issue.

They don't have anything that's going to specifically harden caulk.

What I might suggest in that kind of situation is to take out the old stuff and put a new one in.

Okay.

Because I don't have anything that's going to harden anything like that.

Okay.

I do carry 100% silicones that are made for showers and other kind of surfaces like that.

Okay.

Which might be beneficial for you in that regards.

Okay.

So I'm looking at, like, I got a kitchen and bath variety, white lightning here, 100% silicone, water ready in three hours.

And that's kitchen caulk?

Sorry?

Kitchen caulk?

Yeah, kitchen and bath.

Okay, all right.

It's got the mold-resistant additive in there.

Okay.

All right.

Which makes it that variety.

Can you set that aside?

Can I come pick that up?

What time do you close?

We close at 10 tonight.

All right.

Are you going to be there until 10?

Yep, I'm here closing.

What was your name?

I'm Eric.

Eric, thanks for your help.

When I come, I'm going to bite you in the thigh muscle on your shoulder, your shoulder blade.

I'll make it for you, Eric.

All right.

I'm going to put my teeth on you.

I'm going to bite you in several places.

How big a boy are you?

I'm getting some feedback here.

Yeah, right.

Okay.

Can you shave?

Shave your leg.

I'm going to bring a salt shaker with me.

I'm going to put the salt on your arm, and I'm going to bite it and eat it.

Well, then.

Okay.

All right, I'll be right there, Eric.

All right.

All right, cool.

I'm going to end my shows with biting peaches.

I'm going to bite you today.

That's all.

That's all it is.

That's all.

The poor cock guy, man.

He was down with it, man.

He was all helpful.

He was like, geez, all right.

You're going to be like that.

All right.

So, yes, Mr. Brandon, I got your numbers, and I will continue to call them.

And that was a good call.

All right.

Did you ever have to deal with cock?

A lot, bro.

Yes, I actually did.

Yeah?

Did you ever get that joke?

Yeah.

Is that a?

All the time.

Oh, so this is nothing funny, crazy I'm doing.

They probably know, right?

No.

Well, it's all right.

I thought it was funny.

All right.

Yeah.

Eh, it's not old school.

All right, all right.

I send you an Indian restaurant, too, so you can get some banchos.

Oh, banchos are always fun.

Fuck yeah.

All right, bud, I've got to call Greg Carter back before he kicks us off the air, all right?

Oh, that asshole.

Okay.

All right, brother.

Thanks for calling, man.

Thanks for the numbers.

I'll keep calling him.

See you, buddy.

Woo!

Thanks for calling, man.

Yeah, I'm going to bite him, too.

Everyone's getting bit tonight.

We're calling Brad directly.

Brad Carter directly.

You've reached the request line in the PLA Situation Room.

Oh, yeah.

To complete your call into the live show, press 1.

Don't be too annoyed when you don't get through there.

I think I'm supposed to hit 1.

We are 30 minutes away from break.

90 minutes from the end of the show.

It's supposed to be a star for VIP access.

Hey, Brad.

I can't believe Milkman hung up on me.

I know, right?

He's a fucking phone operator.

I'm sorry, dude.

I explained to the air I have fat finger.

I know.

I heard.

I'm sorry, big Brad.

Brad, you want to prank a hardware store with me?

I don't have much idea, but maybe.

You work with your hands.

Yeah, sometimes.

Yeah.

Just talk to him.

He reminded me, like, is this Eric, the piano guy?

Thank you for calling Menards in Naperville, where we are dedicated to service and quality.

Visit Menards.com for product pricing and availability to check special order status,

to view our weekly ad, or to purchase products for in-store pickup or ship direct to your home.

That was something where there was a Rottweiler in the piano?

For our holiday hours, please press...

He's baring his teeth.

To access our departments, please select from one of the following options.

You've got to help me here.

For information on building...

I wasn't listening to the options.

That is an invalid entry.

God damn it, Milkman.

For information on building materials, press 1-1.

For hardware, fertilizer, or patio furniture, press 1-2.

For electrical or lighting, press 1-2.

For doors, windows, or millwork, press 1-5.

For paint or wall coverings, press 1-6.

For plumbing, heating, or housewares, press 1-7.

For floor coverings or window treatments, press 1-8.

For cabinets or appliances, press 1-9.

Please hold a moment.

Appliances, appliances, yeah.

You know me, I'm just going to say I'm the corporate office.

Cabinets and appliances, this is Lance.

Hi, Lance, this is Roy from the corporate office with Menard.

Yes, sir.

I'm just calling to do the customer survey for your store for today.

Do you have a customer walking around there that I could talk to?

Just one moment, please.

Just put him on the phone.

It's a very quick survey.

Okay.

And what is the, I'm going to approach a guest,

and how many questions do I tell him the survey is?

It's like less than a minute.

All right, sir, just a moment, please.

They'd love to have just a minute or less of your time.

They'd just love to ask if it's a survey they're deducting from the court.

How long is it?

He said it'd be less than a minute.

Hello?

Hello, is this the customer?

Yes, sir.

Okay, so this is Roy from the corporate office,

that guy that handed you the phone.

His name's Lance.

Yeah.

And we don't know who he is.

He doesn't work here.

He's pretending to be an employee.

We need you to take his vest.

He doesn't have one.

Well, whatever he's wearing, take his name tag.

Just grab it off his shirt.

We're counting on you.

We don't know what else to do about this.

Take his name tag.

Okay, seems kind of awkward.

Please, please do it.

Yes, if you could do that, that'd be great.

Oh, a big card.

Okay.

You dig it?

Yeah.

All right, look at the back of it.

The crime crime?

Yeah, his ID?

Yeah.

Now run away.

Run away from him before he tries to get it back.

Run away.

Why?

Just run away.

He might try to get it back.

Hurry.

Like, is Lance still there?

Are you running?

I'm walking away, yeah.

Run faster.

Run fast.

Walk fast.

Run.

Run out the door.

I got stuff I can't run out the door.

I got to pay for it.

As the corporate office, I give you permission to just take that stuff home.

No payment necessary.

Nah, I can't do that.

You're allowed to shoplift.

Do you still have his ID?

Yes, I still have his ID.

Is he still behind you?

No.

Cool.

Turn some corners.

Take a bunch of turns to throw him off your trail.

Hey, hide his ID, like, under a shelf.

Like, just put it on the floor and kick it under a shelf.

And then put the phone that you have, put it down the front of your pants.

and pretend all of this never happened.

All right, what's going on now?

What's happening right now, sir?

Nothing, I'm just walking around.

With the phone?

Yeah.

How long have you been a shopper?

How long have I been a shopper here?

Yeah, at Menard.

A while, about as long as this one's been open.

I'm not even sure how long it's been open for a long time.

We appreciate you helping us out with that problem,

that quote-unquote Lance, whatever his name was.

We don't know what his name was.

Does his ID say Lance?

No, it's just less.

Oh, see? See?

I was trying to say land.

Can you go, like, in the aisle where the joint compound is,

like the drywall stuff,

and put the ID into a bucket of joint compound?

I already put it under a shelf, like you asked me to before.

Oh, great.

That was the right thing to do.

I'm going to put my supervisor Cross on,

and he's going to give you further instructions.

Oh, sir. Hi, this is Cross.

Can you actually retrieve that badge?

Yeah.

I'd like you to put it on, actually put it on please

And then have you head over to the front desk

And hand the phone to them please

What about the stuff I have to pay for here?

We'll just, can you take it with you?

They're going to check you out at the front desk

Unless, were you ready?

Well I still have some other stuff I have to try to find now, that's the thing

Alright, but I'll instruct them to just leave it there

Hold on to it there for you

And then you can just get the last year's selections

And make sure you have the badge on please

Oh, he hung up.

He's not going to deal with that shit anymore.

I should have thought of that.

Oh, shit.

That would have been great.

Yeah.

Let me get Milkman reconnected here.

Because I was...

Leave that.

Like, what the hell?

Yeah, I know.

I looked like I was following him, too, the whole time.

Oh, man.

You sound like kind of an older kind of guy.

You got his name tag taken.

Yeah.

Hey, the latest whole episode was funny.

The mayor business, or what was it?

Mayor, major business?

or something. Thank you. Whatever that was.

It was good. I liked it. I only heard it today.

I'm looking forward to your episodes.

Hey, Milkman, I got you back.

You dropped off. I figured you were at the mushroom farm.

You there?

milkman yeah you know you're saying something about one cent a minute now if i try and call

in on the listener oh no uh-oh uh-oh maybe i ran out of funds in the list all online

okay uh i think i'm gonna take my break now i got a p-roll bad you know and then

then we'll still go on tonight brad i'm gonna have to let you go i'm sorry buddy

Okay, hey, hey, hey.

That's right, the jug is full.

Hey, what's up?

That Brooklyn guy that called in, he's trying to pull a fast one.

He called me and tried to get me to three-way myself on with you,

and he's trying to cause trouble.

I don't know about that guy.

I'd watch out for him.

The Brooklyn Cell guy?

That guy, really?

I think so.

All right.

I was waiting for your call, so I thought it was you,

and I picked up, and we talked for a little while.

I had the best part of your show.

I'll watch out for him then.

Okay, all right.

Thanks for the heads up, man. I'm going to put him on our terrorist

watch list. Thanks. Yeah, thank you so much.

Good idea. Alright, man. Brad Carter.

DTT Facts.

I told you. Alright, that's Brad, everybody.

Hey, Brad. Good hearing from you.

Yeah. Thanks, Brad, for joining.

It was good hearing from Brad. I think Brad was on his

pay phone. Brad's got an actual pay phone

he hooked up in his house. In his attic,

I think. It's in his attic, I'm not sure.

He hooked up an actual pay phone. Brad's been there

and back, you know. He's been right there, too,

man. We've been there, too, and back.

I don't have a payphone though, man

I mean, that's pretty cool

That's pretty cool

So anyway, I got a Wii

I got to take a whiz

Milkman will be back with us after that

We'll take some more of your calls

Yeah, it's on the break

I'll see if I can pipe it so you can hear it

Without YouTube shutting us down

I'm going to play one during the break

During the second half

It's queued up

Don't worry

When we come back we got calls

We got numbers that came in from Big Ethan

Including a Toyota Camry for sale

An arcade claw machine

That needs repair

Garage for rent

And a Peterbilt semi-truck

You can make some money doing that

You can haul some Mexicans

We got a Coca-Cola production center

We got a

We've got some San Francisco shit motherfuckers here to call.

We've got all that.

We've got Indian restaurants.

We've got everything.

And your calls.

We'll be right back.

And your voicemails.

We'll be right back in a moment.

God damn it.

Listening to Nation.

Prank called Nation.

In the past, so well I'm back.

Though still I had a pound in my back.

Next to where the swish is at.

Smoking presidential.

Got some bubba.

I'll get you that.

Need it for my cataracts.

Four hoes and I'm the pimp

In my Cadillac

You can tell I'm Cali back

Matter of fact, they can know

This ain't drone

Get a whiff of that

Know it ain't no seeds in my sack

You ain't never gotta ask

Dog, what he smoking on?

Shit, push to my mind

Go on, what you think I'm on?

Eyes low, I'm blown

High as a motherfucker

You ain't no question about it

Niggas say smoke me out

Yeah, I really doubt it

I'm Bob Marley

Will you call me?

This so fading

So if you want it

You know your nigga homie

You can put it in a Zag

Go up and let it get bloody

Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.

That when you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trapdoor at the bottom.

So when you die, you open a trapdoor at the bottom, P.S., and you go straight down.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

Madhouse Radio.

Milkman, I hear you're a brother, man.

I had to call you back because you weren't responding.

There was nothing.

There was absolute silence from the time you took the break.

Yeah, I know.

When I was coming back, I was saying, Milkman, can you hear me say something?

You didn't say anything, so I hung up and called back.

Isn't that smart?

You didn't miss anything, Milkman.

You didn't miss anything.

Big Homer's in the house.

Oh, let me get the video going.

Homer.

Gumbay, boy.

He's in a...

Let me bait Homer.

I brought some chicken here.

I should be able to get him to show up on camera.

Homer!

It fell on top of him.

He's a lazy fucking dog.

Homer.

Come on, man.

There he goes.

If you're watching camera, you should be able to see homie over there on the couch.

That's the one-year-old birthday boy.

One-year-old plus one.

One-year-old plus one day, motherfucker him.

All right.

Thanks, everyone who stayed with us.

One-year rotten.

Seriously, he's a rotten little shit, isn't he?

One-year rotten boy.

Yeah.

Let's get to the prank.

Sorry the break took so long.

I was trying to come back, but I lost all mouse control across all the desktops

I actually

Fifteen minute timing I lose body about 15 minutes after 15. Yeah, I don't know man. No say no say

No comprendo no say buddy anyway, we're gonna are you playing the guitar there buddy

All right, we got a caller coming in.

Oh, I just missed the caller.

Oh, what a shame.

We're all out of warm camel milk tonight.

Callers, 405-3966-884 is the mouth line.

That's 405-39-MOUTH.

You can call and join in just like this person right here who I'm going to accept.

Exception.

Caller, you're on the air.

Please don't troll me and give up my personal information.

Hey, what's up?

Who dis?

It's Ethan.

Hey, Big Ethan.

how's it going on them train machines motherfucker oh real fucking good flying by me every day

all right cool nice nice right nice you ever been on one of them acela expresses

nope but i probably see over 50 of them a day flying by oh you gotta get in that man you gotta

to get in there and chill and hang out you know did you take uh in a cell or you took coach class

nah the pennsylvania one it's it's uh it's a coach piece they don't have in a cell that goes

between they don't even have a lunch cart or nothing they just fucking throw you in hey homer

i'm watching you bro and i'm not gonna be dealing with you uh chewing cables again all right i'm

watching that motherfucker yeah he's trying to eat uh eat the finas ipod cable charger hi this is

chris i can't get to the phone right now so just leave me a message and i'll call you back as soon

as i can let me change the caller id that might help the thing is see i got i got it set up so

they can call back in but they never no one's called back in from prank call yet haven't got

any angry voicemails it's a it's a separate number i try not to give out

oh hang on give me a second i was calling that was the camry uh prank that i was just doing

right there uh yeah yeah i got it all right caller id adjusted and redialing the camera for sale

yeah hi you got a toyota camry for sale yeah uh what can you tell me about that honey uh what do

you need to know um caller let's see it's great do you have all the pictures i've loaded up a

a whole bunch of pictures online well i'm colorblind and i'm buying it as a gift so i

thought maybe you could just tell me what color was and make it a little easier it's supposed to

be a surprise of course i just didn't know what website you saw it on i was like oh did i not

put any information it's gray gray oh yeah okay all right uh and uh it's a 91 how long have you

had it i it was my patient and she had it sitting in her garage since her husband passed away for

For the last eight years.

Did you steal it from the patient?

Or did she give it to you?

Yeah.

What?

Well, it doesn't matter.

Here.

I don't.

You didn't steal it?

It doesn't.

Of course it matters if you stole a car.

I'm going to buy a stolen car, woman.

What's wrong with her?

I'm going to keep throwing chicken at Homer so he shows up on the camera.

It actually says on here, gray, clean, automatic.

We're going to give up on the Camry.

Hello?

Hey, yeah.

Is this on the Camry?

Is this the guy?

Yes.

Yes, we lost service where we are.

That's okay.

No problem.

So you've only had it for a few years then?

Yes, yes.

Okay.

And it's, I mean, how many miles on it?

109,000.

109,000?

Okay.

Did you guys do a lot of, like, I mean, driving into, did you go to the beach and stuff, get a lot of sand in it, things like that?

No, no.

It's always garaged.

um it's it's a car we hardly put any miles on okay when you we hardly put any miles we don't

know it's not a beach car or nothing like that okay yeah because the corrosion the corrosion

and stuff you know especially in that generation cameron no that that generation

hey buddy wait a minute i'm just talking brother wait a minute

i didn't even get to do the best part of that joke god damn what'd you say bro what'd you say

oh are you fucking kidding me bro yeah i'll grow it up

it was you fucking kidding me bro with that

all right uh let me i'm gonna call in this garage for rent you like my idea yeah yeah

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, wait.

I didn't read this one.

I read the one I had before.

I have three separate security regs.

I want to store some stolen cars in them.

Okay, like in the movie Gone in 60 Seconds.

Okay, got it.

Yeah, you got a garage for rent, brother.

All right.

That's nice.

They're all three separate garages.

Are there in different areas?

No, no, no.

There are four of them together.

Okay.

You know, it's four cars.

Okay.

All right.

Okay.

Do you ask any questions about what I store in there?

Cars?

Okay.

No, no.

No, just we're going to come across these cars, if you know what I mean.

And we're only going to hold them there until we ship them out of the country.

They're going to get shipped to Puerto Rico.

Oh.

Yeah.

And we don't want any imperial entanglements because we don't have titles or anything like that.

We need to hold them there while we get the fake titles and plates made for them.

I got a guy named Lopez.

He makes them.

I don't know if you know who Lopez is on 4th Street.

He makes good fake papers.

Ever heard of Lopes?

All right.

How many cars did you?

Well, I mean, I guess no more than four at a time.

you said for four cars right or three well one garage all right so three garages three cars we

put three stolen cars in there whether we boost them and then we uh you know scrub the vents and

get the fake papers for them then we take them down to uh the fucking uh the the port i'm getting

you know you're not involved you're not involved you're just giving us you know as far as you know

we're just giving us spaces you know we'll give you a cut i got a 91 toyota camry you can have

for free if you want no one wants it it's a great good running car good running car great

Great sound system.

I'll suck your dick.

I'll suck your dick all you want.

I won't use my teeth.

Oh, shit.

He said all right.

He said all right quietly.

Yeah.

All right, I'm going to clear the line for someone else to call on Ethan

because I got a lot of people calling in, man.

But I'm going to call this.

They're going to call the RKA claw machine next, though,

so keep listening, brother.

Thanks for your help.

You got it, man.

All right, my man.

Take it easy.

All right.

Yeah.

All right.

We'll see you later, milkman.

Bye, bro.

Bye.

Peace out.

Yeah.

Bro, are you fucking kidding me, bro?

that guy was like not happy about me doing that man oh oh man milkman i'm gonna try to call that

back though see if i can get that guy to call answer now hi this is chris i can't get to the

point now so just leave me a message and i'll call you back yeah she uh they got the phone

off the hook now i don't like that kind of agent shut the fuck up i'm right here all right so we

got an arcade claw machine that needs repaired one of those old school treasure chest machines

It was getting stuck in one position

They had someone come to repair

And now it doesn't turn on

Damn

Can you fix it or is this a lost cause?

I can fix it

This is a fast pickup

We ask you to let us know that you're not a voicemail system

So you need to press 1 to take this call

What?

Motherfucker son of a bitch

Hello?

Is this a caller?

Motherfucker son of a bitch

I don't know if this is a caller

I'm confused what's going on

I was trying to call out

Hello? Is this an incoming call?

Hello?

This is an incoming call

This is the AT&T operator

generator oh shit what's up bern how you doing man yeah what's going on man hey what's up let's

call that mexican guy let's see if he picks up again dude and hey can you you said you had the

picture of him with the horse right i'm not bullshitting right you found that shit yeah yeah

what are the fucking chances right come on yeah i know exactly yeah yeah i'm gonna i i've got a

different id let's see if he picks up now but he was pretty funny uh especially if you speak

speak spanish unfortunately okay so but you made friends with the guy kind of right then you you

had a call and you kind of calmed him down afterwards and all that shit the first call

that i made to him i busted my nut just being so excited and i you know had to play a sound

back at him and i you know had a good time with that but then after that the next day

i called him back and went you know about it like uh you know like it was her actual craigslist deal

worked him down to 75 bucks made it like i was gonna meet him up and then all these circumstances

circumstances came up and i told him i just have to meet him another time and i was really sorry

about it just to kind of keep him from being suspicious so that's why he said that my friend

had uh talked him down to 75 bucks or something yeah yeah yeah that's exactly what he was talking

about yeah yeah so he remembers okay all right let's see if we can get him so i talked i couldn't

believe you remembered that i laughed my ass off when i heard that yeah because he took the ad down

i don't think i think uh your call cannot be completed yeah well i tried to i tried to click

on the original ad and it said it wasn't available so i don't know hello hello hello uh-oh that was

everyone when it was yeah i don't know uh less milkman hang on let me get milkman back on here

this is milkman not the guy coolio does my mic sound okay it's it's new and i'm i'm just kind

of testing it out you sound pretty good man cool cool hey we got you we got you back there

got you back cinderella milkman how you doing man we were talking to the man of milk

this is the caller this is brandon uh he's he's done some pranks and stuff he's done some funny

he tracked down the mexican guy that had on earlier the mexican tracker man all right

it's an honor to meet you man it's definitely an honor to meet you mr milkman thank you buddy

Hey, thanks for calling in, man, and sharing info, man.

Cool.

Don't call him Mr.

Oh, most definitely.

It's my pleasure.

Don't call him Mr.

Oh, yeah.

My bad, my bad.

He gets a big head and fucking, yeah, he gets carried away.

Oh, don't be okay about it there, Armando.

Sometimes he gets jealous because the spotlight isn't completely on him.

We love you, Armando.

They're calling me Mr. now, Armando.

You hear that?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, man.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear.

Your call cannot be completed as dialed.

What the fuck?

Please check the number and dial again.

Is that what happens when you dial his number?

Yeah, but it might be because I have too many dashes in here.

It's my fault, probably.

Let's try again.

Your call cannot be completed as dialed.

Please check the number and dial again.

When I tried to call the voicemail a little while ago,

it doesn't even let me get to the part where it rings.

It just says, call rejected.

Oh, shit.

I got away.

I changed the ID again.

I think I got it.

I forced it.

Please leave your message for 602.

Yeah, he won't answer now.

I got it through, but he won't answer.

That was amazing, just that call in itself.

I was glad just to hear that in real time.

That was fucking awesome.

Hey, real quick.

You said that you found a web-based PBX system, like so what I do, but all web-based.

Is that correct?

Am I correct?

Did you say?

It can work with a virtual machine and everything, but you don't have to.

Like, right now, I'm not running it through a virtual machine.

I'm running it just through the soft phone.

And, you know, like, it's the closest thing to box locks that I've ever found.

And so you connect directly?

The caller ID switch is effortless.

You connect direct to them?

Is that how it works then, with the SIP client on your phone?

Is that what you do?

You just use their console.

You just use their console and log in with your login information on, like, a soft phone,

either on your Android or, you know, on your laptop or whatever.

and it's it's easy it's like super easy setup okay uh what's the name do you want to share

the name people if anyone there wants to check it out most definitely it's a voip.ms

voip and it's legit i mean it's not all russian like that no no this is definitely legit i put

like 20 i think the minimum amount to put on was like 25 bucks i put that on in january or february

and it's i still got like 15 bucks left okay wow damn it's been going for a while okay yeah it's

actually a pretty good service and you can change your most definitely a lot of people ask me how

do i change my caller id and it's like it's it's not that easy you got to do this and that but

this sounds like a more viable option so there you go everyone check exactly and the best part

about it is you don't have to run a virtual machine you know you can but you don't have to

have to uh how do you pay do they accept paypal or credit card or bitcoin do you know uh i just

did mine with uh with my debit card but uh i'm not really sure i don't believe they never seen

the option for paypal but i wouldn't be surprised if they if they had something like that okay all

right some people prefer that but yeah they're definitely a solid service so voip.ms very simple

voip.ms uh interesting most definitely all right i'll keep you on see if you can get you on for a

call um i got i got a peterbilt semi truck let's see if they pick up here let me make sure my

caller id is still kosher milkman can you hear me can you hear us yeah okay just check it just

Just making sure, because I have to reset you.

And it's only been four minutes.

Are they selling a Peterbilt truck?

A Peterbilt semi, semi.

Peterbilt semi.

A Peterbilt milk truck.

That's what they're selling?

A milk truck.

Yeah, Milkman, did you hear John?

If that's what they're selling, we should be about doing some poses on it.

Oh, dude, yeah, the poses on your whatever you're buying.

It's the brush hog, yeah.

The bush hogger, yeah.

Because I don't do that.

Yeah, the guy has a great reaction.

Are you crazy?

What did he say?

Crazy?

Crazy? Is that what he was saying?

Are you crazy or something? Don't come by or some shit like that.

His reaction was just priceless.

You reached J&J Truck and Equipment Sales.

I can't make it to the phone.

Look at my boy Homer on the couch eating chicken.

Good boy. Hey, are you throwing up?

Good boy.

On the couch, not the floor.

Good boy. Good boy.

Trained well. Floor is for people.

I'm glad you guys finally get to see Homer.

or if you don't know what we're talking about, go to youtube.com slash madhouseradio

or go to madhouselive.com.

I can't make it to the phone right now.

I'll get back to you.

He was chewing.

For a second, I thought he was choking or throwing up.

I was going to have to do the puppy Heimlich.

When is he not a puppy anymore?

He's a year old in a day.

Is he a puppy until he's two years old?

Is he a puppy now?

I don't know how it works, man.

Technically, they still have a lot of the behaviors like puppies

He's up until about, you know, like 2 or so.

Yeah, he does.

He bites the crap out of my hands all the time.

Good boy, Jay.

Hello, my boy.

Hello, you've reached 203-527.

Damn it, man.

I forget what this even is.

Companion caregiver available.

You've reached 203-527.

All right, here's willing to try anything for a dollar sign, dollar sign, dollar sign.

You know what that means.

Whoa.

Yeah.

Whoa.

I hope it's a girl.

And if it's a guy, whatever.

Please leave your message for...

All right.

Well, this is going nowhere.

Shit.

Damn it.

There's one here for a super experienced pizza man available with experience in pizza preparation

and all the existing styles.

What the fuck?

Original New Yorker with more than 20 years of experience.

If you want to increase the clientele with a good variety of pizzas from the old Italian

school, I can help you achieve it.

Please leave your message for...

That is bizarre.

Oh, there's more.

I am willing to...

Where was it?

I lost my place.

Shit.

I don't know.

He's in his pizza, this guy.

Let's try to call him.

If this doesn't take him, I'm going to have to see if someone else...

He claims he's not gay, but he's willing to learn?

No, he said he's a 20-year-old veteran of the pizza wars.

20-year-old veteran of the pizza wars.

There you go.

He's willing to learn.

Hope you're all enjoying the show.

I've been having fun doing it.

That guy just hung up.

We'll try him again.

Yeah.

Still can't believe that I walked into a store today and bought actual Bud Maramara legally.

That is fucking badass, man.

It's like down where I'm at.

We're not even close to getting to that.

Please reach your message for me at 5-5-1-2-7.

You guys will probably be the last ones to ever get it, man.

Sorry.

Exactly.

Yeah.

That sucks, bro.

Man.

Yeah.

You got to move, man.

Definitely.

Well, it's a big state.

Oh, yeah, man.

Break out.

Because I saw that Oklahoma was saying they were going to put it on the ballot this November.

So if they do that, then maybe that could be the gateway state.

All right, I'm going to try one more here.

This is for a babysitter.

Oh, yeah, a babysitter.

Oh, yeah.

And if this doesn't go, I'm going to have to let you go, Brandon.

You have reached the voicemail line on 860-

Hey,

to be able to be on the Madhouse.

Hey, no problem.

It's good having you on.

Behave yourself, and thanks for the work on the Mexican stamina table guy.

That was fun.

Thanks for calling in.

No problem.

It was my pleasure.

Great pleasure.

Man.

All right, see you later.

And a great pleasure to meet you too, Milkman, very much.

Y'all have a great one.

I'm looking out.

Thank you, brother.

That's good, Brandon.

I used to call him Reclude when he first came around.

I would say, hey, this is Reclude.

Oh, that's Brandon.

Okay, all right, cool.

That's the fake recluse.

So his line is now...

Man, if you can find a real recluse, dude, man, oh, my Lord.

I don't know, man.

I don't know if he's...

I don't know, man.

That guy was crazy.

I hope he's still...

I hope he just...

He got big in the music industry and decided to let it go.

He was starting to get nervous about it.

Because he's like, yeah, you got shows where I talk about doing cocaine with, like,

16-year-old, 17-year-old girls and fingering each other's mouths.

Here's a call.

Uh, caller, you're on the air with Milkman and the Milkman Show.

Go ahead.

Please be nice.

Hello.

Thanks for just hanging up.

All right.

Cool.

Good prank.

All right.

Okay.

I'm at 12 minutes and 30 seconds.

We'll see what happens.

Yeah.

We're getting there.

Uh, speaking of which, we got about 37 minutes, about 30 minutes worth of show left.

30, 35 or so.

Something like that.

You know?

All right.

Let's see.

Uh, I've been in the mood to talk more about these, uh, butt exams, Milkman.

We had fun with those earlier in the night.

Oh my God.

Let's get to some more simple pranks.

Thank you for calling Dignity Health Go Health Urgent Care.

Dignity, they got Dignity, treat you with dignity.

If this is a medical emergency, please hang up and dial 911.

For questions about your bill or insurance, please press 1.

For questions about hours, location, or services offered, please press 2.

For questions about medical records, please press 3.

If you would like to speak to a clinical team member.

We already called that one.

but we have a caller calling in caller calling in thank you for calling please be nice hello

go ahead hello carlito hi this is new zealand no australia australia oh australia

very nice uh huey get that radio oh okay how are you guys what what who what what

syndicate radio what'd you say yeah no i just i'm shutting the radio up because i'm at the um

shop working okay okay i got you i got you uh okay all right cool who's our caller tonight

what's our caller's name oh huey huey huey man from down under all right yeah

all right yeah thanks for coming back and everything hey thanks for having me back guys

thanks for coming back no problem all right hey you remember that call um you remember that call

a while ago uh yeah i don't talk to you uh oh yeah right now yeah yeah yeah right now

what was it i need to talk to you right now the manager right now yeah uh see that was

oh right now yeah that wasn't mine that was uh that's on youtube though that's uh that's a prank

yeah it wasn't one of mine though but yeah it's a funny funny prank the guy's arguing

Grains, I need to talk to the order of the company right now.

Yeah.

Right now.

And the other guy's like, okay, right now.

Right now.

He's sending it right back to him.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Hello?

Hey, Milkman.

Now I'm just hearing a locked tone.

Can you hear me?

Milkman.

I'm just hearing like a squeal.

I don't know what that is.

Can you hear me?

Now I'm hearing digital breakout.

Oh, shit.

All right.

I'll call him back.

That's weird.

I'm going to call him back.

Thank you for calling Dignity Health, Go Health, Urgent Care,

lower pacific height if this is a medical emergency and dial 9-1-1 for questions about your bill or

insurance please press one for questions about hours location or services offered please press

two for questions about medical records please press three if you would like thank you for

calling go health urgent care billing department our office are currently closed

All right, Milkman, you don't need to...

We are sorry we missed your call, but please call back during regular business hours.

And have a great day.

Do you still hear that, Milkman?

Hello?

No, I was just responding, trying to cover the message.

Oh, I thought you were...

I'm still here.

Oh, hey, Australia.

Hey, what's going on?

Ah, yeah, Kiwi.

Hey, Milkman.

The Kiwis are awesome.

Find out which part of Aussie he's in.

Where are you at?

Which are you, the West Coast?

Melbourne.

That's how you say it, Melbourne.

Melbourne, okay, we got fern, we got Melbourne, you represent all over, man.

It's Melbourne.

All right, so, chicken and a chicken burger, that is $13.50.

Burger, okay, burger, chicken burger.

Get on your mate, get on your mate, get on your.

On your milk, man.

All right, guys.

I love you too, brother.

All right, go ahead, I was going to ask you a question, but you got to go.

Call next week.

No, no, no, go, go, go.

No, it's a long way to go.

Hello?

Is this the Castro Theater?

Yes, can I help you?

Is this the Castro Theater?

Yes, it is.

Okay, all right.

I have Richard McFaggett.

He's from Australia.

He's a very good performer, and he wanted to talk to you about wearing a dress.

Mary Poppins.

Hello.

What can I help you with?

Hello, do you have a question?

Hello.

Yes, I need a dress for a very small man.

I can't help you with that.

I'm a very small man.

Why?

All right, cool.

I asked him about the Mary Poppins.

They've got a Mary Poppins sing-along.

It starts in exactly 30 minutes.

Read that.

Mary Poppins Sing-Along.

Read it.

I see.

The Sing-Along show Mary Poppins is on tonight at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Audience members can dress up as their favorite character.

Explain you're coming in dressed in bondage.

Oh, really?

Well, I didn't read that.

I should have read it.

Now you've got to change the number.

Call back with the new premise.

Ah, you're the same number.

Fuck that.

You're the same number.

Use a new number or you're going to kill it.

Hey, Carlito, can you do a prank?

Hello?

Can you call Australia or not?

Uh, I think so.

Yo.

I can't.

I'll give you a number to call.

All right.

Hello, and welcome to the Castro Theater.

It's a place.

San Francisco's historic movie palace.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, man, Milkman.

I will call.

Remind me to.

Hang on.

He pissed in the well, so he ain't going to answer the phone.

I'm going to set a timer for 15 minutes to call the Castro.

All right.

Okay, honey, baby.

I'll call in 15 minutes.

That'll be where we're on.

Don't get another fucking mushroom pizza.

So I don't want to, don't order another arrangement there, brother.

All right, Echo, enough timers, please.

Thank you.

Okay.

Okay, Echo just wants to arc with me.

How are you going to send that to me?

You don't want to give it out over the phone there, Australia.

I don't, yeah.

No, ask me, ask me, and I'll disclose the message not on the air.

Can you tell me, can you?

I don't have that set up, no.

I do not, I do not, I do not, I do not.

You're a very hard man to reach, you know that?

I know, I am, I am.

Well, we'll figure it out.

Get it to me on Facebook.

Do you have me on Facebook, sir?

I can add you.

Yeah, I should do.

I should have added.

I think I liked your page.

Yeah, that helps.

That's a start.

How about we do it next week?

Send it to me.

We'll do it.

We'll do a whole Australia show.

Shit.

All right.

Yeah, she's a real bitch, mate.

She's a real bitch.

Is she?

Yeah.

Really rude to customers, so we'll fix her right up.

Well, fuck that.

We'll fix her right up.

We'll have her make like 50 pizzas.

Oh, hell yeah.

I like this, man.

This sounds good.

Yeah, we'll teach them.

We'll put them out of business.

We're going to help her out.

Fuck yeah.

All right.

We want some Australian pizza.

We've done those pizza calls before.

Yeah, pizza runners.

All right, Louie, I'm going to let you go.

Let someone else on.

All right, buddy?

Thanks, Khalido.

Thanks, boss.

Take care.

Thanks, Huey.

Bye-bye.

Have a good day.

Bye-bye.

That's Huey calling from the future in Australia, where it is now tomorrow.

And I hung up on Milkman and Exiton again.

Yay, Carlos.

Beautiful work.

Beautiful show.

Beautiful amateur show.

Keep in mind, I don't think I've mentioned yet tonight,

but if you want to catch us on the go, 605-479-475.

605-475-0097.

Once again, that's 605-475-0097.

You can listen to the phone on your mobile or landline phone.

No data plan required.

As long as you've got a working landline or a cell phone signal,

you don't have to worry about using up your data plan.

You don't have to worry about bad reception in the Dataville.

You can be at work and make it look like you're working on the phone really hard.

I'll tell you what, sometimes at work, man, I'm like,

I don't want to deal with these motherfuckers right now.

And I pick up the phone and I act like I'm on the phone.

But I'm not on the phone.

I'm calling that number right there.

I'm listening to my own shows.

And everyone's like, wow, Carlos is really working hard.

They don't know I'm listening to myself doing prank calls from five years ago.

And that's what they get.

That's what they get for being assholes to me like that all the time.

No, I work with mostly good people.

Pretty good, pretty good people, pretty good.

Give me just a moment.

Let me see if I can triangulate Milkman on the other lawn.

Welcome to Home Box Office Subscription Television,

bringing you great movies, sports events, and special programs,

unedited and commercial free.

It's good to have you with us.

Thank you, Mary Poppins.

Hey, boo.

What happened to you?

uh i lost all everything on the network here that's wired crashed lost its connection but

everything wireless stayed up i don't know what happened it took me a while to get it restarted so

when that last noise happened to me i was assigned we need to reboot uh yeah well the like the whole

network took a dive i don't know what happened i don't know i don't know i don't know i'm sorry

man but we're back on the air now i left youtube office time to call back huh what time to call

about Castro. That's right.

I got the alarm here. The Castro. Thank you

very much. Let's call that real quick. The Castro

place where they are

dealing with. So what is it? They've got an event

where you can sing along starting

in 13 minutes. But

they want people to come in dressed up

as whatever they want.

I don't know. You have to read what it says.

It was specifically interviewed. I don't

know. Well, he said to ask you that you

knew. Hang on. I got to hear Castro,

right?

All right, okay, well, do this, okay, do this, then, all right, do this, then, all right.

I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it.

I told you the worst experience I ever had, dude, was the Johnny Rebel guy walking around

naked, completely fucking pasty naked with all these, like, piercings in his lips and

a big old Rebel beard and a fucking Johnny Rebel hat, and that's it, man, and cheese.

Why do you hate homosexuals so much?

Why?

I don't hate them.

I just told you, man, Johnny Rebel wasn't parading around.

He wanted to make a complaint.

He wanted to get his number.

Oh, I didn't change my caller ID.

No wonder he remembered the number, Milkman.

Shit, hang on.

God damn it.

Oh, fuck, man.

I'm out of shit.

God damn it.

No, no, no.

Don't be mad.

Don't be mad, Milkman.

Don't be mad.

I wanted to change it earlier.

Oh, no.

I only do it.

This is what happens.

Oh, Milkman, I work for Winn-Dixie.

You should go to Publix.

What the hell's wrong with you?

That's your problem.

Publix has got better stuff.

Publix has the best bread, the best fried chicken, the best...

Chicken.

I was going to say chicken.

I remember chicken was pretty phenomenal.

Oh, that chicken.

Because I've talked about this before at length.

They use celery salt.

They use a celery salt brine, and they brine soak it for 12 hours before they fry it.

Then they batter it.

You know, they dredge it through flour.

Then they fry it in a pressure cooker.

Oh, my God.

Dude, if you're in Florida, or I think they've got them all the way.

I think Publix is all the way up to the Carolinas.

is if you're in the area where you can get a Publix,

you go in there, you get yourself a fried chicken, man,

and you eat it right.

I used to eat it right out of the box.

All dark meat, man.

Florida, man.

I used to get them in Florida, dude.

Oh, yeah.

Well, Florida is where,

that's where they're based out of Lakeland, Florida,

but I was saying.

But I, I, I,

I was supposed to Lakeland.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, but you know what?

I'm all about, you know what I'm all about

is the dark meat, all dark.

I don't like white meat.

It's too dry, man.

You know, I want all dark meat, you know.

Yeah, dark meat, dark meat, the thighs and the legs, man.

So that's what I'm talking about.

You don't like the wings?

The wings are okay.

The wings are okay, but I don't like chicken breasts.

I like drumsticks.

I like chicken breasts.

Like, we make chicken breasts here, and I like it, but I don't like fried chicken breasts.

It's stupid, very stupid.

Well, if it's not dry, a lot of them make it dry.

So you have to have some kind of coating to keep the moisture in there.

Yeah, they let it cook, it dries out, and it's kind of like, you know, pasty when you eat it.

Yeah, like you get in it, and you've got to drink something to get it down your throat.

Right, it disintegrates.

You know what I'm talking about?

I call that pasty.

It disintegrates, and all these microfibers almost will choke you.

If you don't have a drink, it almost chokes you.

But there's not enough spit to swallow it, dude.

It disintegrates, and it's horrible.

Yeah, yeah.

It's overcooked and dried out.

That's when that happens.

Something that people don't do is if you would split your chicken breast, cut them in half, you know, and then fry them, they would probably come out better.

That's how I make the chicken breast.

Jack Masterson, you should make it called Jack Masterson.

When I take a whole chicken, I carve my own chicken, and I get four pieces out of the two chicken breasts.

I cut each chicken breast.

Hello, Castro Theater.

Yes, hi.

I saw you were having Mary Poppins, a dress-up event.

Yes.

What are the restrictions on that?

What do you mean?

Well, I wanted to come in dressed as a horse.

You can do that.

Okay.

Do I...

Okay, now what if I wanted to come in...

Is there a horse in the movie?

Yeah, there is, of course.

There's horses in the movie.

Okay.

Yeah.

Oh, so it has to be around the Mary Poppins theme?

That's the general idea.

Okay, all right.

What if I just wore, like, the dress and the umbrella like Mary Poppins?

That's fine, too.

Okay, do you have a balcony there?

A balcony section?

It's not going to be open.

Why not?

It doesn't warrant it.

We didn't sell enough tickets.

Okay, but can you just let me up there?

Because I want to be like, oh, I like the tip-to-toe.

No.

I want to jump.

That's not going to happen.

I want to jump off the balcony.

No, that's definitely not going to happen.

But the umbrella will make me float like Mary Poppins.

Don't you believe in magic?

Not today.

Don't you believe in magic?

Please, come on.

I believe this is going to happen.

Yeah.

It'll be a magical evening.

Yeah.

No.

Yeah, and you can look up my skirt.

All the guys can look up my skirt, and they can whistle, wolf whistle.

you know okay anything else i can help you with yeah semen okay bye i saw johnny rebel walking

around out front what's this number you and johnny rebel you're having some weird freaking

psycho villain mushrooms oh milkman i meant to ask you last week hey by the way the mouth line

is open 405-396-6884 you have exactly two minutes to get in and say one thing we still follow yeah

Yeah, psychosilent.

What's going on in California with magic mushrooms?

Is it really on the ballot or not for legal life?

What's that?

Are magic mushrooms really on the ballot?

Did they make it on the ballot?

I've never heard about it.

I hope so, because I'll vote for it.

Fuck, yeah, I hope so.

They're wanting to get it for PTSD.

They say it's really good and other things, but they're trying to get it.

Oh, hell, they're good, man.

For a madhouse show, you could do something while you're doing the show, man.

Fucking chill out.

Fucking laugh your balls off.

I'm too scared.

I'm too scared I'm going to have a bad trip.

Oh, you're a pussy.

Shut up.

Hey, hey, hey.

now come on mr you you're i expect better out of you you're a big puss don't be like that i expect

more from you i don't want to if you would do some rank junior i'd say i'd say okay honey baby

hold your hand but i'm just telling you you're all right jesus did everyone make it back here

we only got 26 listeners now god damn it i hope we're broadcasting i don't even know for broad

i don't know dude we need to do something about that routine i discussed with you before

Yeah, I know, but this...

There's no backup, dude.

That would have no bearing on what happened.

Like more than 40% of the show, I'm sitting there with nothing.

It would have no bearing on what happened, Milkman.

It was just a crash.

It was a general...

Well, we need to, like, reanalyze it.

That's why I try and call you during the week,

so we can actually do a mock setup and test our setup.

It was a general crash machine, Milkman.

I can't do anything about it.

Well, anyway...

What do you want me to do?

I don't want to do this shit off the air.

You hate me.

Why do you hate me?

God damn it.

I'm not.

I'm just trying to get you fucking back on course because you fucking, you know, you get busy and you won't do this shit off your hair.

Your sugar's really low, Milkman.

Good gosh, you're really like.

Anyway, I'm making some, I'm making some curry rice tonight.

Curry, curry rice?

Really?

Yeah, oh my God, it's so good, dude.

I come up with the fucking killer.

It's so good, you'd die.

So tell me about this curry rice recipe.

What do you got going on in there?

Curry, rice, what else?

Water?

Okay, well, let's see.

I got potatoes.

What kind of rice?

First of all, what kind of rice?

Basmati?

What are you using?

I got the basmati brown, and then I got this sushi rice called hito mebore mixed together.

Okay.

So it's 25% white.

Okay.

That's how it's brown.

All right.

Cool.

So you get a little bit of a slightly sticky when you get a good bit of the basmati, so

you got a lot of that extra fiber.

Right.

Okay.

So I got a carrot, potatoes, green peppers, leeks.

Blue diamonds?

uh a little bit of ginger um raisins and uh pork like a pork lime and red balloon and uh

curry okay okay sounds good man oh celery celery i forgot sauce excuse me i have to get missing

green celery i knew it was something else celery celery is good for your dick good for everything

dude this is the last call of the night we're gonna do a nice eggs and heat call which everyone

loves come on man this stuff's like gravy man uh milkman do you do you recommend washing your

rice before you cook it do you wash it out i do because here's the deal it tends to get really

gummy for me if i don't but here's the story right that's a problem you got to listen man

anytime you get rice no matter what the quality always take and rinse it in cold water swirl

around your hand or chop at least and rinse it all out put new water in well i do that i do that

when i don't i get gummy rice but then i was reading the the package of rice yesterday and

in espanol and it said um rinsing the rice removes vitamins do not rinse rice before cooking

or or drain after cooking and i'm like wait a minute but then you get gummy rice is there a

way to not rinse it but not get the gumminess i don't think so i went to lifehacker and they

said there was no such thing i don't well you do you don't want sticky rice is what you're saying

i don't want sticky rice but i want what nutrients am i losing the bag the bag of rice here that we

We got the house says in Spanish.

All that shit is a starch.

The white shit is starch.

It's just, it's, it's, it's a bag.

It's a Puerto Rican brand of rice.

And it says, if you don't want it sticky, then I guess if you don't want it sticky,

leave the starch on.

I don't like it sticky.

That's like Chinese style, sticky rice.

Well, then you gotta change your rice.

Maybe try basmati.

It doesn't stick.

No, no, no.

My mom always made, no, no, no, no.

My mom always washed the rice out and the beans.

Like if you add, you add some beans to the rice.

You're supposed to wash the rice, dude.

Because that shit on there, you don't want that in your rice.

It makes it taste funny.

Hello?

Hi, thanks for calling to Denny's.

Hi, Denny's.

Hi, honey, baby.

How are you?

Okay, honey, baby.

Okay, I want to make an order.

Okay, what can I get in your order?

Okay, I want one eggs.

An egg?

One eggs.

Okay, how would you like the eggs cooked?

I like the, can you cook them?

Sorry?

Cook, cook, cook eggs.

Cook eggs, like, over medium, scramble, over easy?

Heat, with heat, over heat.

Over easy, okay.

overheat i know over easy no overheat okay okay okay something else okay and then i want to go

down there and bite you i want to bite you yay what a waste of a call good idea milkman great

idea that was a stupid what 10 15 minutes sticking around what do you mean off the air we just got

the show short i was gonna go uh well i was gonna we're on the air now i'm saying but i'm just giving

Give me a little, a couple extra minutes because we had the...

I'm just asking because I was wondering because, you know, it seems like you're spending a little bit of time off here, honey.

Yeah, because, you know, pretty soon Athena's going to come in here with a rolling pin.

Echo, stop.

All pass.

Athena, please.

Hello?

Yes, I'd like to make an order, please.

Your contact number, sir?

Okay.

That's it?

Yeah, and that's the local area code, 630.

Okay.

Your good name, please?

My good name is Cross.

That's okay.

Go ahead with your order.

Okay.

Do you have curry chicken?

Curry leaf chicken?

Yes.

Yes, we have.

Okay.

One order of papadums.

What is that?

Papadums?

We don't have papadums.

Okay.

Do you have pilau rice?

Pilau rice?

It's only on weekend, like Friday and Saturday.

Oh, boy.

I'm sorry.

Do you have any lamb roganjosh?

We have goat biryani.

Oh, yeah.

I love goat biryani.

Okay.

Goat biryani.

Sure.

All right.

For which place did you call, actually?

Hyderabad.

Hyderabad House, Indian restaurant.

Yes.

The address?

Are you not really Indian people?

Yes, we are.

There are two types of Hyderabad House, so that's what I was making sure to know the address.

And one Bhenchod?

Sorry?

Bhenchod.

Bhenchod?

Yeah.

What is that?

It's a meal, Bhenchod.

Sorry, wrong number.

No, come on, sister.

Come to me, sister.

Bandy.

Andy, come, pretty girl, pretty lady, come.

Yeah.

No gone do?

No gone do.

That's it, Milkman.

We're done, because I'm going to get in a big trouble.

Milkman, you got to take us out.

Oh, my God.

Two minutes over.

Holy shit.

I'm going to be in so much trouble.

I got to, yeah.

Oh, my gosh.

You're going to get your scrotum showing.

I'm going to have to eat my wife's pussy extra good tonight.

You know what I'm saying?

Oh, my goodness.

Isn't that terrible?

Yeah.

We have to get an extra lick in there.

Oh, my goodness.

Extra tuna.

Uh-oh.

Well, we're very swishin' around in the dark.

All right.

Get us out of here, everybody.

Get us out.

Get us out of here.

Well, you see, there you go.

We have another exciting installment here of the penastral tube himself here on the crazy-ass show.

The nostril tube?

That's right.

The what?

The penastral tube.

Oh, okay.

The crazy-ass theater of the nostril tube.

The urethra?

Okay.

Yeah, the penastral tube.

All right, sure.

Anyway, yeah, that's right.

That's right, right here, that's right, with the Milkman, that's right, we've got a little exciting show here, we call it the Madhouse, that's right, as you bring your friends, or better yet, bring an enemy, but you're always welcome right here, we drop the time, we give you the time, man, we've got the show going on right here.

That's right. I want to thank all the helpers out there that called in tonight.

All our helpers, numbers helpers out there.

We've got the Parkman, all this hell.

Thank you for sending us good numbers.

Ethan, the guys that brought the numbers.

Ozzy, all you guys.

Kiwi, everybody else out there.

Thank you so much.

Thanks for everybody calling in.

All the get-ups, man.

It's good to hear from you guys out there.

Long time no hear.

Thank you, because we do this every week.

The most interactive show you can find right here on the Internet

with the fearless deer, the air mom, you know,

the leader of the Pinochle team themselves, Armani.

So thank you for having us back, buddy.

Are we going to do a show next week?

Are we on call and then possibly a show?

It's not looking good.

I'll keep you posted, but I really don't think we're going to do a show next week, guys.

I'm sorry.

I'll try to make one up on Friday.

All right?

I'm sorry.

We may have to push it to Friday.

Watch Facebook, Twitter, and Google+.

in my space

and I'll

Friendster, I'll Gort

So you're saying that if you manage

to get off call early

you'll do it. Yeah, exactly. If I

manage, I will do a show, but it's not looking

good more than likely. I'm going to postpone it to

the next day, Friday. Alright guys

Alright, my brothers

Alright Milkman, thanks for being out with me

brother. I love you like the mother that I never

had. I love you too. Motherfucker

you. Yeah, I'm going to bite you.

I'm going to get together and talk about business instead of bullshit.

Seriously, man.

We've had it less than a week, so.

All right.

We'll do.

Yeah, we got it.

All right, man.

You always all right me, but let's do it this week.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, all right, all right.

All right.

All right, all right, all right.

I just want to get it straight.

All right, brother.

All right.

I'll talk to you.

All you listeners will appreciate it, okay?

Sometimes I get rough with this guy.

I love him a lot.

But anyway, love you guys.

Love you too, Armandito, all my beloved.

All right, so everyone, be sure to go to madhouselife.com.

check out the tune in

links

I got links to the podcast there to subscribe to

you can subscribe using your favorite

podcast app I recommend the pocket

casts app or you can use

iTunes you can use Stitcher

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there all the options are right there on the front page

be sure to check out YouTube

our YouTube channel rather Madhouse Radio

if you missed

any portion of today's show

tonight's show you can catch it there

Twitter

I'm on Twitter

at Madhouse on Twitter

Facebook

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Patreon.com

slash Madhouse

remember

we got a new tier

coming up hopefully

in the next week

the $10 machine tier

gonna set that up

this weekend

and a brand new show

that'll be for

Patreon subscribers only

there will be a free

preview of that

so there'll be

the first episode

will be free for everyone

to enjoy just to get

a feel out of it

and while we get

the kinks out of it

and then we'll make it a thing from there be sure to chat it up over at discord.gg slash pranks

discord.gg slash pranks links to that are to the discord chat are over at madhouselive.com

i'm not certain if there's going to be an after show over there today with pranks but be sure to

go in there there may be in the voice chat there you may be able to catch some prank calls here

once we go off the air so look out for that catch us on the go at any time dial 605-475-0093

605-475-0097

and listen to Madhouse Radio

24-7-365 on the go

and leave us a voicemail

I am sorry, we had a lot of voicemails tonight

and a lot of calls we couldn't get

this is a very popular show apparently

so I want to thank everyone who left

voicemails, I will go through them

and we'll play them on the next

live show, we'll catch them up

so everyone who left a voicemail, I will get to

those next week

I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart who does contribute

to the show i love you all and uh the best way to contribute and help me out is by just spreading

the word don't worry about giving me money or anything like that just spread the word get more

like that guy he said hey i got a friend she's gonna be listening on the podcast that's that's

the that's the most important thing you can do man and subscribe to the youtube channel and like

videos and share it all right i'm done talking i'm done i gotta go take a shit y'all have a good

weekend listen to dwight this weekend saturday i'm presuming he'll be doing a show matt hillock

and Zax will be on Prank Call Nation

during the week next week, probably on Monday.

And be on the lookout

for Brad and his shows

over at the Phone Losers front, phonelosers.org.

He does regular shows

because he's out on house arrest.

Goodbye.

Calls (35, 1 h 23 min of 2 h 31 min)

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