I Don’t Have a Disability

I do not have a disability

And I don't appreciate you doing that

Look for the room with the water coming out the front door

Motherfucker yeah

Hello

and listen you can catch me in the back of his home at horse machine ranch road i'm busting mad

fat flows for assholes and banchos must be crazy shout out to big amy that's nice honey baby we

kissing pussy so ladies such a labor yeah it's crazy have the stuff that my brother might say

to you face it cuz it's the number one prank cast stay back if you can't handle all the straight

laughs that we hand to your dome and if you want call the number you can listen to this show on

the go big up to the man in the madhouse you show love just stick your motherfucking hands up some

come close but they can't get it right let the king do his thing it's time for madhouse live

big up to the man in the madhouse show love just stick your motherfucking hands up

times have changed what happened to the miniskirts where's all that marijuana

now everything is platforms cocaine and dances i don't dance what a man gotta come to when he

loses five years, but some shit never changes. Like Sasso. Charlie, my friend, Charlie Brigante,

how you doing? Hey, Sasso. No, no more Sasso. Now everybody call me Ron. Ron. Ron from Reynaldo.

Okay, Ron, let's get to the point. I hear you're doing good business with this place.

Very good. So how come you need money? Me? Yeah, you're gambling again, right? How much you owe?

I don't know, maybe 50, 60 so

Okay, that means about 100

Who you owe the money to?

You know, Charles, some of the boys

25 will quite then for now

And you will come in for a quarter of my end

Okay, I'm gonna give you 25,000 cash tomorrow

I'm gonna come in for half your end

What are you trying to do to me?

What I'm trying to do, Sasso

I mean Ron

Is save your ass

My ass?

That's right, because it's either Fat Anthony or schools

you owe the money to right either way you're going to end up in the trunk of a car somewhere

on the belt parkway before long maybe weeks before they find you like dd remember they open her up

that's some kind of stink you're gonna make oh what's that smell sasso man that's sasso

used to be wrong okay okay what time tomorrow

tomorrow. Yo, dick, man. How does your bicycle seat smell after a hard day's ride, huh? I don't

know, faggot. 10 p.m. Okay, the door operator. Press zero. Please wait. Hold while your call is

transferred. This is a call to call. Thank you for calling Target West. How may I help you?

Yeah, hi. I am trying to flush some things down the toilet here, and there seems to be a lot of

of water around i'm sorry it's very loud because i'm flushing the toilet are you there yes have

somebody over there in just a minute all right well before you come here um i i kind of locked

the door from the inside okay all right all right so what happened was when you sent someone back

here let me stop flushing the toilet there's water everywhere all right so what happened was that i

kind of had um like an accident uh in my car like a death like i had a bowel movement when i thought

thought it was like a fart so um i came in here and i'm just trying to flush my underwears down

the toilet because i don't my wife to find out what happened she thinks i just farted but i

didn't so do you have any dope 2xl hanes on can you guys can you bring me back a packet i mean

i'll totally pay for it but i need to put that on before i step out of here yeah i need a size

two XL Hanes boxer shorts not the briefs the shorts now perfect we'll have

somebody out there to help you okay now wait a minute there's more now the

toilet paper you have here isn't cutting it do you can you also bring me a

package of the Scott Scott Scott towel wet wipes toilet paper flushable toilet

wipes yes okay we'll see if we can all right then I also need a bottle of the

The spray deodorant, Old Spice, the Pure Sport.

Okay.

Do you have clothes pins here?

Pins?

Yeah.

I'm not sure, but I could definitely ask.

All right.

Well, yeah, definitely whoever's coming in here, you need to get a package of clothes pins

because it just smells really, it smells like a rotten egg sandwich in here right now.

So they're going to want to put that on their nose.

Okay.

All right.

And the last thing is, can you get me a cherry icing from the restaurant?

part? I'm not sure if I could do that, but I'll definitely ask our security. Okay. Well, who's

going to come here? Most likely our security. Okay. And I don't want any trouble, okay? Or any

laughing, you know? No, no, no. It won't be any trouble. He's just the one that takes care of

these matters. All right. So he's going to bring the underwear. What else? You have the wet wipes

and then you have Old Spice, Pure Sport, the bottle, and then... The spray. The spray bottle.

Yes, spray bottle. Okay. And then... Okay. And I recommend something to clip his nose,

close bin or anything else you know that can clip like a binder clip i'm sure you have those

okay okay hey i have a coupon for the pure sport okay do i give that to the security guard when he

gets here uh let me just inform him uh-huh and then i'll let you know should i wait to find out

do you want me to talk to him give me a second please all right let's go hopefully it's a little

a little better now not so much echo well milkman you in here in the toilet with me

what's up i'm in the little boat i'm in the little boat beside you oh nice look down the

toilet i'm a little tiny boat oh cool hey uh put your pecker under the partition and i'll

i have a surprise for you i'm gonna do it this is silly that echo's giving me a headache hi

everybody how y'all doing i'm carlito and this is madhouse radio on a friday night

Thanks for tuning in.

I'm Carlito, Fat Man, the fattest man in prank calls.

That's right.

I'm the originator of so many different prank calls and so many ideas.

I'm the original.

I'm the real deal.

There wouldn't be a prank call community as it is right now if it wasn't for me and Brad Carter.

I'll tell you what, Bob.

Milkman, how are you?

Milkman's over here, Big Milkman.

What's going on, my brother?

It's all right.

How are you doing, Mr. Uber taxi driver guy?

that doesn't sound that doesn't sound that's a bad word that doesn't sound yeah dude yeah it's

a lot a lot of stress i heard uber got like uh got beat down in new york city this week right

didn't they get like limited the number of cars they're gonna have in the city now oh yeah well

they should have i mean fuck it's been going on for years how they got guys don't committing

suicide out there man it's crazy let me tell you what uh we do no fucking facts or anything i'm

I'm going to commit suicide over it.

I don't give a fuck.

There ain't no one going to feel sorry for you.

Listen, let me tell you what.

I'm afraid not in this day and age.

The wife and I took an Uber in New York City.

We took Ubers all over the city.

We took one yellow taxi when we were there like a couple months ago.

And fuck that taxi shit.

We did Uber the rest of the way.

Way better experience, better price, more convenient, et cetera, nicer cars.

The Uber driver that took us to Penn Station when we were leaving the hotel to come back to PA,

that motherfucker was so overworked that he almost ran over a fucking traffic cop like he literally

just wasn't gonna stop for this female traffic cop and to the point where like when he finally

stopped the traffic cop it was a black lady sassy black new york lady she's like the fuck is wrong

with you like that and he's like oh i can't uh falling asleep i'm like and and i'm like sitting

like okay i i'm really tempted to jump out of the car now on the long island expressway here

and and just walk to penn station jesus christ help us i got a half-asleep uber driver here

has been probably been driving for like three days straight blasting npr like blasting it on on on

11 oh my god what an experience but i'm saying yeah but i agree with you man they're overworked

suicidal it's crazy out there man yeah yeah you're not suicidal right when it comes to driving

you're far away buddy you're far away you're far away from the phone cool i said no no no

I said homicidal.

I'm quite the opposite.

Well, this guy was homicidal, too.

I'm here.

I said, I'm homicidal.

I said, I want to kill you.

That's not necessary.

Do you hear me?

Yeah, you want to kill me.

You're homicidal.

That's right.

I don't want to be accused of that.

All circuits are busy now.

Please come home again later.

All right.

Maybe I'm missing a digit there with that number.

I don't know.

All right.

We got plenty of numbers here from Parkman and Associates.

Big Ethan sending some numbers.

Let me get our music for tonight queued up here.

We've got a little bit of the Beastie Boys.

Keep in mind that I am broadcasting.

What is my request?

It's here, Milkman.

I will play it.

We'll get to that.

We have plenty of show.

We're going to do four hours.

We're going to go until 11 p.m. my time, 11 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, 8 p.m. Pacific tonight.

We're an extra hour of dosages for you since we missed last night, our regular show.

and uh oh okay so look and it's this friday night fuck it we know we get to drink you know

right yeah we get to drink that's what kdk would say if he was here listen guys we gotta talk

business though all right so so so so so milkman i don't think i've talked to you about this yet

so two items to bring up number one last week i talked about a uh a new tier level for madhouse

patreon which is going to be called the machine level a ten dollar tier so that you could get

get access to an exclusive 45-minute to one-hour show weekly.

I've reconsidered that because I think that's a lot of money, actually.

So what I'm going to do is I'm going to offer that to all existing and future horse members.

So if you become a $5, not $10, $5 contributor, our existing second tier already,

which includes quite a bit number of people, also already horses,

horses um you're the ones who are going to get this benefit when we roll it out here in the next

couple weeks so just i reconsidered it i took some uh i thought about it for a week i talked

to parkman sent me an email discussing it also and he had some good points so i think that's

what we're going to do um now if you but but but okay so i still what do we get for this what do

we get now enhanced with this with this new horse members still the same one with an air well you're

You're just going to get exclusive access to a separate podcast feed that has a separate show.

It's going to be a different.

It's going to be a prank call show still, but it's going to be recorded off air.

It won't be a live show, and it'll be me more doing the stuff with people on Skype or off air doing more hood ratty shit.

I don't think Milkman is going to be as involved, but you're always gang banging stuff like you like to call it that you don't like it.

Milkman doesn't like it when too many people are on the Skype.

No, I don't like it.

Don't get me wrong.

I like it.

I just know it's over me, and then I can't stand it for a while.

Here, let me settle a bet.

I got a bet with myself.

Milkman, who do you like more?

Who do you like more, Ken or Dwight McClanahan?

Dwight, the janitor.

Who do you like more?

Who do I like better?

Yeah.

Ken or Dwight?

I like Ken because Ken is like everybody.

He's Dwight.

He's Ken.

He's like all these other crazy fuckers

But Dwight is just like

You know that Dwight is Ken right

Do you know they're the same person

I wasn't 100%

Sure you knew Dwight and Ken were the same person

I don't know why I thought about that

I don't know

Dwight is a character

And he's one character

But Ken is like the mastermind

Of about a dozen other characters

So I would go with Ken

Yeah, man.

It's like, you know, I'm really Carlos.

Big surprise.

But, I mean, to you all, I'm Carlito.

Respect me.

I'm Carlito.

I'm the originator of all this shit.

I came up with all the ideas.

All the ideas.

Except for Twitter complainers.

Brad Carter invented them.

I invented the Lunk Alarm.

I invented the same machine all the time.

I'm the motherfucker.

I'm the nigger.

As Jen Stewart would say.

Hey, it's all horse around with the machine.

Speaking of machines, so that tier is still going to be around.

But what I'm planning, so I just want to, you know, if you donate $10 or more,

we do have a few people that donate $10 or more.

I'd like to give them a special designation so they become machine members.

Now, what I am going to do with that is I'm coming up,

Athena and me both are coming up with like a care package that we can send to you

once you become a machine member or if you're already established as one when we roll this out.

Now, you would get a care package of some goofy shit, some Madhouse stickers, maybe a t-shirt.

We're trying to work out the financials about it.

Maybe around the holidays, you'll get a special gift.

You know, things like that.

Just for contributing, because we have some contributors that contribute $40, $30, I think.

There's a few.

We've got quite a few $10 supporters also.

So I want there to be some distinction.

And later on, there might be even more that goes to that.

that but i i just i you know i was thinking it was like man ten dollars a month that's

that's a lot you know that's that's more than a lot of things that i pay for um monthly that's

more than like web host like the shoutcast hosting is for this network and that's not right to be

asking you guys for that much money so there we go i hope you guys are okay with that it's going

to take some time to roll out okay so issue number two here we go all right so we got good news and

bad news uh some of you may know that i did a bit of stand-up comedy when i lived in florida

and i got out of it when i moved up to pa and then i did a little more here in pennsylvania

uh when there was the great schism of prank call nation i went back to my roots and i was

doing uh i did some some improv um i've been re-invited to that that's a thursday night

thing though unfortunately it's a thursday night uh comedy club thing that goes on it they had

gotten rid of it so i stopped doing it i was going they got rid of it i stopped doing it

now it's back and i know i've i know people who are in it and they said hey uh it's time for you

know if you want to come back down and i'm thinking about doing it actually because i i think it might

help out the show so milkman this would and i gotta ask you because then i'm worried about you

because your busy night at work is

Friday. You're putting yourself out

in order to do a show with us tonight, right?

It's affecting you in the pocketbook?

I'm supposed to be working, dude. I'm supposed to be working

right now, but I didn't want to

miss out on us doing something.

Right. I said I'd come on

tonight. Because I'm considering

I would do that Thursday nights and then the

next Friday night I would do Madhouse Radio

Show. We would move the show

from, I know we just started Thursdays again,

but I would move it to Friday instead.

And it's a more fun night, but that affects you

milkman we could connect you up in the car we could do the car machine but that's not gonna

work right yeah yeah shit so there you go there goes my dream what about wednesday show dude

ah wednesday that's terrible night terrible night for that well how about a worse than thursday

think about it i'm not gonna argue but think about that a worse than when you know i'll give

up on my dream to be a stand-up comedian it's okay that's all right don't give up your dream

I just, we'll just, we'll do the show a day before that.

One day before, that's all.

We'll figure something out, bro.

Don't close your mind.

Yeah, don't close your mind, bro.

Don't close your mind.

Are Saturdays busy for you?

How are your Saturdays?

Is that a busy, that's a busy day.

Weekends are, you know, weekends is like when I do all my work.

Right.

That's my hardest time, right?

Right.

That's why.

Right, right.

Weekends is where I make the money.

All right.

Well, we'll figure something out, bro.

I'm not good for the show.

I'm sorry, brother.

It's okay.

We'll figure it out.

I'm sorry, my schedule works like that.

We'll make it work.

Listen, everyone.

Anyway, speaking of Patreon, patreon.com slash madhouse.

Become a Militia member for $1 a month and get access to the instant showreel.

You can hear all these shows that you're listening to.

The live shows immediately after the show is over.

It is available to you.

If you miss the show, you can go back and listen to it.

Before it gets edited and hits the podcast on Monday morning, you'll be able to hear it before that.

In high quality, 128K, etc.

And then the $5 horse membership that we talked about.

I have other links to give out, but in the meantime, we have calls to get to.

All in due time, folks.

All in due time.

We will get all our plugs in, if you know what I mean.

Let me go over to that list.

From Mr. Parkman.

We'll start out with Parkman's numbers tonight, I think.

Yes, sir, Mr. Parkman.

You'll have.

We got a job for training and certifications.

Yeah.

Training and certification machines.

machines from the man who invented machines hi surf safe training and certification i've uh

looking to see uh you know regarding getting some training and certification i want to become

surf safe certified i want to learn how long the chicken should be out at the temperature

with the thermometer and that you're not supposed to put the chicken over the beef in the defroster

to leak in the bottom and you're supposed to do that you have to wash your hands every time you

go to the bathroom not just when you poop i'm in reno your phone number said lachlan so i was just

checking yeah well it's it's different but i'm in the area obviously i'm in nevada aren't i um yes

but the reason i was asking it would be a long way to travel for an in-person class

okay all right um what do i need to answer do i have to tell you if i've been diagnosed with

anything no you're just coming to class well yeah because i'm diagnosed as medically perverted and

i have to bring my therapy dog homer to the training oh your hair okay your your dog homer

sure yeah yeah yeah that's not a problem yeah yeah he's a rottweiler and what restaurant do

you work for and what firm uh what restaurant do you work for i don't yet that's what i'm saying

i got diagnosed medically perverted i lost my job i used to work for uh macaroni grill you ever

ever heard of that yeah you ever heard of brinker purity yeah have you ever heard of water international

international food machines all right what can i answer for you let's go come on you're starting

to really you know get on my case here um are you looking to come to the class on august 26th

okay well what do i need to bring well what i need from you first is just your name and your

email address right and once i get that i'll measure the classification and a study guide

attached the class is 175 oh jesus and god damn it how about a student loan what was that whistle

uh that was not me that was you that wasn't me i don't whistle i can't look i can't this is the

best i can do that's the best i can do there's no student loans you have to pay cash or business

check or card and that's to save your registration god damn it okay what else what else do i need to

to know about this that's it so you just want money and i just show up what time do i show up

well that's why i need your email address i send you the class information and a study guide

blah blah blah i got you all right so um first name is orion ryan no orion there's an a it's

like ryan with an a to begin orion okay okay last name white okay okay and what's your email address

it's my first name

orion.white

at

triple k dot com

ok

so you send me that shit

alright

cause I got a lot of shit

I gotta do

motherfucker

sounds good

alright

hurry up

whatever

stupid piece of shit

prank call

yeah

no clapping

boy I'll tell you what

she was pretty

compliant there

she was

doing real good

I mean

I know you probably

delivered at least

six back slaps there

and she didn't respond

good customer service girl

Yeah, man.

Yeah.

I'm milk, man.

That's what you got to do.

You have to start going around and rating.

Going around and rating people's customer service skills, right?

And this will be an additional service we'll offer right here at the math house.

Yeah.

Speaking of which, the call-in line is open.

405-396-6884.

One second.

That's 405-396-6884.

All right.

Let's get back to the prank calls.

I got to get to these early, says Parkman, because they'll close.

This is for a quality inspector job.

I need the number.

I'll time your number.

Exploration.

Oh, word.

Thank you for calling Family and Personnel Services.

This is Christina.

How may I help you?

Christina, you tell me where you're at because you're telling me one thing now

and you're telling me another thing last week.

Who am I talking to?

I'm talking about the job, quality inspector, but you need to come.

You know, don't waste my time.

You're going to tell me something now and then I call last.

You know, you called me last week.

Who are you?

Huh?

Who are you?

Orion.

You're who?

Orion.

Orion, and you've talked to who?

Who have you been talking to?

You people.

Okay, you people.

Christine, it says you called me, Christine.

I called you and left a message for you on your phone.

You say something now.

You say one thing now when I call, but you didn't say the same thing when you called and left me a message.

What did I say when I called and left you a message?

You said, thanks a lot for keeping things going, and I don't like you anymore because I'm retarded, you said.

and it'd be cool to let you know that you were thinking about me

and you said you don't know why I don't like you?

Is this a joke?

No.

I was calling about the quality inspector job.

You're making a joke, huh?

No, I'm calling about the quality inspector job.

Hang on a second.

The girls have to hear this one, this message that I left.

Hang on a second.

Can you put me on speakerphone?

I want you to tell them.

That's funny.

Am I on speakerphone?

them no they won't come in here oh shit phones won't stop ringing let's get back to that but i

do want you to hear i want you to repeat that message that you said but uh i do have a quality

inspector position out at usa park where you want to go out there yeah i'll go out there are you

going to be involved in that at all do you not want me to well yeah i'd like to inspect you

inspect inspect your voice i will um yes i am going to it's my account so yes i'm the one that

takes care of all that oh nice that's very nice honey they give you your own account wow very nice

you must be so proud aren't you despite despite your disability oh huh well my name orion is my

name a-r-y-a-n it's like ryan with an a at the beginning orion you know what i don't remember

calling you i don't i would think i would remember that name that's a very unique name yeah well

Well, after we meet, you won't be able to forget me.

Is that right?

Yes.

I think it's going to be vice versa.

You just wait.

Oh, yes.

What's your favorite sexual act?

This

is a place of business.

Okay, but after work on Friday, you know, we can have a little fun.

This is a place of business.

You know?

Act professional.

I'm going to go ahead and schedule you.

I like girl on the bottom, man on the top.

Okay.

I'm going to go ahead and schedule you for 8, 9 a.m.

Is that okay?

Sure.

Yeah, that's fine.

That's good.

On the 13th?

Yeah.

Do you know where we're located?

I've got it here.

Yeah.

You left it on your voicemail.

You're in Reno and all that.

You know what?

Maybe someone else called you because that doesn't sound like me.

No.

I said I would leave that.

But I know.

I'll figure it out.

Yeah, I'll figure it out.

Okay, what's your last name?

When am I going to be inspecting?

I'll tell you all about that, and I'll tell you about everything when you get here.

Okay.

And it's going to be, yeah.

All right.

What's your last name so I can get you in the calendar?

White, like the color.

Okay.

And then tell me, what's your phone number so I can get back to you if I have to?

Yeah, phone number, just a minute.

I can keep up.

That's awesome.

All right.

So I'm going to get you in the calendar for anywhere between 9 a.m.

10?

Okay.

Yeah, 9.

Yeah, I'll change it to 9.

All right.

Cool.

What do you like for breakfast?

I'll bring you something.

Do you like a bagel?

Sure.

All right.

Cool. What kind of bagel do you like?

I'm more of a health kind of thing, so I like healthy ones.

There's no such thing as a healthy bagel.

You want me to get you something different?

There is.

Yeah, there's like the wheats, and they have like the little flax seeds

and all kinds of stuff on the outside.

Yeah, those are good.

Okay, I'll get you something with flax seed and something like that.

Cream cheese? No?

No, I like cream cheese, yep.

Yeah, you do? Okay.

I don't need to worry about eating, right?

God, come on.

You haven't seen me yet.

No, we're going to work it off. Don't worry.

I know what it's like.

You're lonely.

You really want to meet this handsome guy that called you on Monday.

I'm not lonely.

You're going to be thinking about me all weekend.

You're going to be wrenching your panties dry.

I got it.

Actually, I am curious because I've never had this sort of call,

so this is interesting.

I'm not going to lie.

Okay, well, yeah, I've been looking for a job for two years,

and I've been running out of ideas, so I figured what the heck.

Ah, so you figured, like, you know what,

it just hopefully a girl answers the phone and we'll see what i can work hey how do you hear

about it just by me calling you or do you hear about us any other way on the craigslist right on

yeah okay all right listen uh i really i gotta go take a shit i gotta go all right i'll see you

monday okay sounds good all right bye thanks whatever fuck what i have to get married what

i have to get married she hasn't she hasn't listened to you take a shit that's the second

time recently where i've had a woman just been like oh you're so funny and crude oh that's nice

Nice to meet you, girl.

You're so funny and crude.

I want to hang out with you.

All right.

Hell yeah.

That right there.

That's a 10 call right there for sure.

Poor thing.

If she actually saw me, she'd be so disappointed.

No, dude.

Now she's going to be disappointed that you don't show up, right?

Because, dude, you just sold a bill of fucking good cheese.

She's going to skip her breakfast for a bagel.

Guys, there's no such thing as a healthy bagel.

You can put, you know, you can put, I can get a fucking pizza.

It's getting dumped in fried oil, right?

Exactly, yeah.

Bagels are not healthy in any way.

It doesn't matter what you put on it.

I could put a salad on top of a greasy pizza.

It's still a fucking bad fucking meal for me.

So flaxseed isn't going to...

Just like a chili salad, right?

Is that healthier?

Is it a chili salad instead of a chili?

Correct me if I'm wrong.

On average, as far as caloric intake is concerned,

I think a bagel is worse than a croissant.

Croissants are fucking fried in butter.

or something.

I don't know if they're fried per se.

A croissant should be done

with really thin layers of dough,

like phyllo-type of dough.

Yeah, but a lot of butter.

It's puff pastry.

Isn't it puff pastry?

With butter rolled out?

Puff pastry, I think.

I don't know that part.

I don't know that exact part of phyllo.

Thank you for calling McDonald's

for anything related to employment at McDonald's

or for information on obtaining a W-2 form

Oh, we're overdue for marijuana.

McDonald's customers, please press 2.

Hey, McDonald's, let's do a bar on this.

Yeah, we're going to complain about the Coke Zero and the Daily Dog.

Hello?

To find a restaurant with free Wi-Fi, visit mcdwireless.com.

Can I help you with anything else today?

Complaint, complaint, complaint.

To tell us about...

Because your call is so important to us, it will be recorded for quality assurance.

Sure, and in addition, if your call is regarding feedback about your recent experience at one of our restaurants,

the call recording may be shared with the McDonald's franchise owner or other responsible for restaurant operations.

You do have our permission.

Please hold, and I'll connect you to the next available agent.

Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce.

Special orders would upset us if we still did them without char.

Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce.

Special orders would upset us.

I'm going to play the hold game.

Hang on.

We'll play the hold game and see if I can snipe it out of there.

While we wait, MadHouseLive.com is the main website for the show.

MadHouseLive.com.

You can subscribe to the podcast, get all our tune-in links.

Again, oh, I didn't mention, but I did put on Facebook that.

We have that on-the-go number, the 605-475-0097.

That usually lets you call in and listen to the show live or to our rotation.

it is down right now

hello oh yeah it's down right now

so don't bother trying to call it tonight

unfortunately it's down for the count

yeah it's the second time

this happened in about four weeks

yeah sorry guys so uh but

you can follow me on uh you can

follow me on twitter at madhouse on twitter

and on facebook

madhouse.live

alright you got it

is there a shoutcast stream url still out there

it's there I'm not gonna give it out

That's a long URL, but you can get that right there from the MadhouseLab.com website or just use TuneInRadio, motherfucker.

We got a caller.

We got a caller, Milkman.

Let's put him on while we wait, while we shoot the shit.

Here, motherfucker.

Caller, you're on the air.

Go ahead.

Please don't be mean and nasty.

Caller, you're on the air.

Go ahead.

Caller, you're on the air.

Go ahead.

Caller.

I'm going to pull you by the collar.

Devil you.

All right, they're not answering.

Let's check the on hold.

That's a long hold time for McDonald's, man.

Ever since they started making them fresh burgers there, the fresh beef, they take a

long time in the drive-thru.

You know what I'm saying?

Have you tried that fresh beef yet, brother?

They're good, man.

Yeah.

Kind of crumbly.

I miss the old burger.

I miss the shit burger.

Hey, you're on the air.

This is Madhouse Radio.

Don't be a jerk.

Hey, Big Carlitos.

Big Wasted Memory.

How you doing?

Hey, Wasted Memory, how you doing?

I think I know you from Mixler Chat.

Am I correct there?

Wasted Memory.

Yeah, Mixler Machine, man.

Mixler Machine.

Big fan of Brad and you guys.

Yeah.

Carlito.

Thank you.

Milkman, too.

Don't forget.

Oh, he gets jealous.

Oh, man.

Dude, I love the Milkman.

Dude, it's the best thing ever.

See, now Milkman's happy.

Carlito, Milkman's audio problem is making me giggle.

I love it.

It's so happy.

Hey, hey.

Wasted memory reminds me, Milkman, it's been 15 minutes plus.

You've been on for an hour and 32 seconds, and you haven't been driving.

I haven't cut off yet, dude.

I've been on an hour and 40 seconds.

I'm saying.

It has not cut off yet.

I'm going to give up this McDonald's idea.

They got too long of a whole time.

Sorry, Parkman.

I wanted to complain about the...

Let's try another one.

Try a different one.

We got a job for a landscaping foreman.

Yeah.

BK has Surgeon now, man.

BK has Surgeon.

Yes, Des, thank you for reminding me.

Yes, dude, I went to Burger King.

Yeah, they got Surge and I love that freestyle machine.

You know, last weekend I went to the marijuana dispensary, right?

And then I went inside the Burger King.

I hardly ever go inside to fast food.

I was like, motherfucker.

You went inside that Burger King.

Yeah, I got the large meal, the large Burger King, the Bacon King with the fries.

Dude.

And then so then I get the large drink and I only fill it halfway with some freestyle.

It's just so I can have that flavor.

and then and and before they even gave me my food i had i was on my third freestyle combination man

oh honey baby oh i'm telling you then i had like four different i had i had uh fanta zero grape

i had mellow yellow fruit punch i had and then fucking surge i had to drink that

fucking surge man yeah back right so you had to be burping thunder like dumbo after that

no i was pissing green oak man is what fucking happened it looked like fucking

when i first went in to get the surge i was so drunk i had to like stare at the machine for like

five minutes to figure out how to get the surge out of me you've never used the freestyle machine

before man i have but it's just so i just got there's so many buttons and things yeah

gotta like read stuff yeah well this burger king i go to the guy they're like these these the high

school kids i guess they know me because they're always like oh hey what's up and like we got

search now like for real like yeah you want to try it like oh i'm coming in then like all right

but then they they're talking to me like yeah dude they're sending it up so you can put on

your phone your favorite one and then you can scan the machine when you come in and it just

gives it to you you don't even have to hit all the buttons i'm like oh wow man that was like

cool all right

McDonald's, come on, man.

You've got to get that freestyle machine.

You've got to bring that Coke Zero back.

I'm just saying.

I haven't been to McDonald's since I found out what they did to us, man.

They've been remodeling all the McDonald's around us.

And they all fucking look all corporate and shitty inside.

Did they put kiosks?

Are you getting kiosks in there?

Order kiosks?

Oh, yeah.

We got kiosks.

Fuck yeah.

That's going to be a thing.

They're fucking all getting fired.

Fuck them, right?

And you know what?

When they get the robots in the kitchen, that's going to be perfect.

I can't wait for the fucking robots.

All they're going to need is one person.

Do you ever have the fry robot?

We used to have a robot in town that used to cook the fries.

No.

A robot arm.

Uh-uh, no.

Fry bot.

Fry bot, really?

They're perfect every time.

I miss that fucking thing.

They got rid of it.

So imagine you go for your Big Mac and the tomato gets sliced every time.

The lettuce gets shredded fresh every time.

it makes it perfect

exactly to order

for what you put

in the kiosk

you can't be like

you guys fucked it up

and no one's spitting

in your fucking food

you're going to tell me

that's what's up man

fuck them kids

fucking around

the only thing

I'm going to miss

is the spit

because it really

gives McDonald's

an extra flavor

well

sometimes I think

about how much spit

and fucking boogers

do I eat a year

that's not mine

that I had no idea

I had

because I could be

a cunt in the restaurant

it's not even on purpose

it's just people

that don't wear

their hair nuts and shit

and all their shit's

getting in there.

Yeah, like how many

band-aids have I eaten

in my life

I didn't even know about?

Oh, can of beans?

Oh, no.

Hairs?

Yeah.

Food.

Anyway, and hairs

aren't the problem.

That's, you know,

the hairs,

if your hair falls

in your food,

that's probably

the cleanest thing

in the body

that you could

have fall in your food

because people usually

wash their hair

pretty regularly.

It's not fucking,

it's just head hair

that's falling.

How much goes on

a hair anyway?

That is the fucking

hood around here, man.

Yeah, well, yeah,

Yeah, like black girls don't wash their hair

except for once a week, right?

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging.

Striking out with the damn mouse.

What's up?

You want to call the village deli

that everybody else has been calling?

Who's everyone else?

Are they enemies to the crown?

I don't want to encroach.

No, I mean, like, I gave it to Party Time.

I gave it to Brad.

He called them.

They called them.

And, like, there's a couple guys there to answer,

and they usually get pretty angry.

Like, they stick around the corner from my house,

but I fucking hate them.

If you have me on Facebook, you can send it to me on Facebook.

If you have me on Facebook there.

You don't want to give it out over there because the number will get up.

That's the best I can offer you.

Everybody should call them all at once.

It would be great.

All of us.

I feel bad I talk bad about Lunch Lady, but come on, man.

Stop it.

Don't get mad at me because I'm trying to eat.

Hello, this is Blair.

Hi, you got a farm helper job?

Not anymore.

What happened?

Yeah, got it built with a friend of a friend that, you know, real strong references to somebody who knew the guy.

That's not fair.

Why don't you take it off the fucking Craigslist then so I'm not trying to get...

Oh, I need to do that.

That's the first time I've ever done anything on Craigslist.

I'll take it off.

Thank you.

You're pretty stupid, you know?

Fucking waste of time.

Get me all excited for a job.

I had a great idea for a ranch handjob.

Oh, well, guess what?

Evil idea?

Who's this?

Not evil.

Is it evil ideas this time?

caller caller what was your name again which caller is this i'm sorry memories wasted memory

yeah you're not even like this i sent you the facebook okay i just heard it dang so let me get

over there thank you and then and then unfortunately you're gonna have to go because you know people

already blown up the line all right so this is a deli people get mad i don't think i've heard it

they get mad um we usually say there's like they we start an order and then like say there's poop

and the pizza. Brad City is the

corporate office.

It's a private deli in the BP

but they still

get mad at him.

Just swear at him, he'll get mad.

Do they get eggs at all on the menu?

Or are they more of a sandwich kind of place?

Burgers, sandwiches,

a deli sandwich.

They don't even have coleslaw or anything.

It's not like a real deli. It's a sandwich shop.

It's not a Jewish deli.

Gentile deli, I got you.

You can't be selling burgers at a deli.

Someone hung up.

The caller hung up.

I'll be sure.

When?

Village Deli.

Yeah, hey, I'd like to make an order.

All right.

Give me one second.

Thanks, brother.

Wait, who is this?

My name is Orion.

Hello?

Orion.

Oh, okay.

Oh, you sound like somebody I knew.

Oh.

A neighbor.

Oh, no, no.

All right, what can I get you?

You got burgers, right?

Pretty good burgers?

Yes, I do.

All right, yeah.

I'll take one burger machine.

A what?

A hamburger machine.

Hamburger machine?

Mm-hmm.

Hey, 702.

What's your name again?

Orion?

You want a hamburger machine?

Well, I mean, where I'm from, we call it like a sandwich.

It's like a sandwich machine, hamburger, hamburger machine.

I guess out here, you just call it a hamburger sandwich?

Yes.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

I'm honest.

You want a quarter or a half?

Quarter or a half?

A half hamburger or a half pound?

You're saying half pound, half pound.

Half pound.

Yeah, because I want the whole burger, you know.

All right.

Cheeseburger?

Yeah.

And do I get to choose how I want it cooked?

Do you want what?

Do I get to choose how I want it cooked, or do you just do one way?

Yes.

All right.

Did you want to ask me?

Okay.

Hello?

Man, I was so close to asking for heat.

You know what I was going to do, milkman.

You know how I do it.

I didn't even get cursed.

You didn't do anything?

I didn't even get cursed.

Oh, we lost him?

Yeah, he hung up.

Oh, it's just my number.

That's okay.

Don't ask for it.

Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, it's a wasted number.

Don't worry about it.

Hi, you've reached the village deli.

Oh, man.

Now I'm in trouble.

Well, I hung up on Milkman in an accident.

Now, you know, now I'm going to have to...

What happened?

Why are you hanging up on me?

I don't know what happened.

I was here.

Now no one picked up the phone.

No one hung up the phone.

Why are you hanging up the phone?

We are one hour into the Madhouse Radio Show.

One of a planned four, at least three.

But if it ends up, you know, dragging, I'm going to cut it at three.

I ain't doing no four hours.

I ain't doing no four hour shit show.

Hey, buddy, I hung up on the wrong one.

I'm sorry.

I got cut off.

I'm sorry.

My bad.

We got a caller.

Thank you for calling me back.

Let me get this caller.

You figured it out.

It didn't take you long.

Oh, I started from the beginning.

I knew the second I did it, I knew it was doing it.

I'm on a bong hit, man.

I knew the second I did it, I said, ah, shit, I'm in trouble.

I was telling everyone.

You were 40 minutes late for your bong hit, man.

I haven't smoked a...

No, I've got a bowl.

We got flour out here now.

Medical flour.

Dry flour.

Thanks for holding.

I'm Carlito, the host of the show.

How can I help you?

Hey, Carlito, how's it going?

This is Nan. I'm with Dialer.

How's it going, Milkman?

You're Nan with Dialer?

Hey, wait.

You've got a really bad echo.

I've got a really bad echo.

Yeah, you've got to put headphones on.

Turn down your radio.

No radio on.

I got Wi-Fi calling.

I'll hang up if anything's bad.

I just hear myself.

It's bad.

I just want to give you guys a shout-out.

I love you guys.

All right, thanks for the shout-out.

Try to call back.

All right, I can hear myself.

I'm starting to really fuck my balls.

My fucking balls are swelling up.

Now hung up on Milkman and accident again.

Son of a bitch!

Nana from Dialer?

I mean, like a friend of Dialer's?

I don't know.

Dialer's cool people.

Guys, I really hope Dyler brings the pranks back.

I was talking to him this week.

He'd be a little bummed out.

Come on, man.

You're a funny dude.

Like fucking Dyler shows when he needs to be driving around his car on his way to work.

Doing prank calls and shit.

And he had his Android phone reading the chat back to him and all that shit.

Yeah, dude.

I did it again.

I'm a stupid.

All right?

It's my fault.

I'm sorry.

I'm a stupid asshole.

I got your back, man.

Thank you.

Sorry.

That's twice now.

Now, everyone, remember, 405-396-6884 is the number to dial if you'd like to be on the line.

I try to get you guys in as best as I can in between the calls.

We're going to call a place for horse boarding instead.

We're going to do some real funny shit.

You never answered my question, did you?

What you're saying?

Oh, OG Kush.

You should be familiar with that out there on the West Coast.

OG Kush.

I got Cadillac Purple, man.

Yeah, yeah, man.

Diamond Terp Sauce.

Diamond Terpene Sauce.

Salt. Salt.

It sure would be nice if people could call in, but since you're all stupid,

the people are calling stupid.

I'll take calls in a little bit. Give me a second.

Let me calm down. Let me calm down.

Speak up, you stupid voicemail bitch.

God damn, right, Milkman?

Fucking people with voicemails.

You know, that reminds me of, and I've mentioned this before,

Milkman, I'm a big fan of these movies.

Are you a fan of the Police Academy series, brother?

Oh, dude, I love the first few were the best, dude.

That's like the first two or three

Five and six I think were great too

But dude the first couple of them were great

One was the Hightower

What was the big bit

The woman with the blonde hair

Callahan

They were great

Yeah Callahan

They were a fucking good show

What I'm getting at is Hooks

You remember Hooks she was the black lady

Remember that

That's what that voice feels like

you remember every movie hooks was always like until the very end of the movie until the very

end and she'd have the gun to be like freeze motherfucker she always save everyone at the

end with that dirt bag she saved her energy the entire movie for

oh yeah and then jones with the noises mortar mouth jones oh yeah uh the hand hand my mic

Yeah, he does the Jimi Hendrix impersonation.

That way, yeah.

The microphone, yeah.

Hello there.

Hi there.

We need to discuss that again.

Hello there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, that'll be a fun voicemail for her.

So no horse boarding.

I had good plans for that.

I had good, big plans for that, I should say.

We got a pet hotel on set.

Pet hotel, motherfucker.

Pet hotel.

So, Milkman, really, you're taking away my dream of being a stand-up comedian, man.

Do it.

Go ahead and do it, brother.

I'm not telling you not to.

But I want to do the show.

I want to do the show, too.

Do the show, dude.

I'm not wanting to do the show without Milkman.

Hi, Hooks.

I'm calling about the Pet Hotel.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

Pet Hotel?

Hi.

You're breaking up.

I couldn't hear you.

What was that?

Pet Hotel.

Yes.

This is a pet hotel.

Okay, good.

Yeah, I'm just, you know, looking to come in, you know.

What were you looking for?

I'm looking to film some animals breeding.

We don't do breeding here.

But, you know, every once in a while they sneak it in.

Or do you have a strict spay-neuter policy there?

No, we don't really require your animal to be spayed or neutered.

Oh, so they're getting it in left and right.

You can't keep a hold of them, you know, keep an eye on them the whole time?

no but we do keep track of who is fixed and who isn't and you segregate them that way no it's just

we usually tend to like separate the females with the males and you know when there's we just keep

track of we have it on record of who is fixed and who isn't yeah but what if you have a bitch in heat

then we keep her isolated all right because i was dealing with this one bitch that we had this uh

she was a this bitch and she was in heat and she was uh you know arousing my dog akulo and my other

dog homer they were fighting each other over because they wanted to impregnate the bitch

you know okay so i thought what i'd want to do is just you know record some uh nice sexy girl dogs

masturbating and kissing each other like lesbianism and let them watch that while i'm out

yeah great i probably could have done better at that oh my god dog bitches motherfucker

Welcome to Madhouse Radio, where we're talking about perverted stuff with animals tonight.

What was that word? Machine gun?

Machine gun. Yeah.

I can't remember the word.

I forget, yeah.

The word. The word.

What the fuck was the word? Mushroom.

I don't know. Mushroom.

I can't remember. Mushroom.

Alright. Well, let's call...

I love you, Mushroom.

We're about to call, as the corporate officer, a shout-out to Mr. Brad Carter.

The line is open if you'd like to call and join us, 405-396-6884.

I promise I will answer.

Five Below.

I'm calling Five Below.

I'll call.

Five Below is the place that we found.

Hey, what about those expired numbers of time?

Say what?

Time expired numbers for Parkman.

Expired numbers for Parkman?

I'm calling Parkman.

Time expired.

No.

I thought you said they ran out of time.

Oh, I already went through those.

I'm so good. We're so good. I'm looking at 830 ones right now. We're good

It's gonna answer give it a few more rings

The turner I give up I can get my

We got a voicemail someone left

Someone left the voicemail plate

That sound drop you play something like

Like, I just got called these young blood lords, Black Panthers out there.

Going to bring a gun for everybody in the yard.

What was that from exactly?

I had a search on Google, couldn't find it.

Just let me know.

All right, talk later.

Thanks, Carlito.

Peace.

That is from the movie Against the Wall, I believe it's called, starring Sam Jackson,

a young Sam Jackson.

I think, I don't think it was like a theatrical release.

I think the first time I saw that was like on Cinemax or Showtime or HBO back in the day.

It was like a made-for-TV movie, but premium TV.

It was about the Attica riots, the prison riots in Attica.

Milkman, were you old enough?

Are you old enough to remember that, the Attica riots?

Yeah, Attica was fucked up.

You know what they did, man?

They fucking rocked about it, brought machine guns in, fucking blasted the motherfucker.

Even the guards, dude, dude, they blasted the fuck out of him.

I think, yeah, because, yeah, yeah, guards and prisoners all get fucking whacked in that hole.

They blast every fucking body, dude.

They ain't having none of that shit.

Rockefeller, remember that thing?

Boy, I had to never forget that.

Yeah, Jay-Z was out there.

That's cool, dude.

That motherfucker didn't give a shit.

Yeah, he came out, he had this sign where he put his hands up like it was a diamond,

and he put it up really high, and then all these other people put them up, too.

He's like, Rockefeller.

Never forget, that was a Rockefeller right there, boy.

yeah and then kanye west joined them up and then he got kicked out because

anyone who likes kanye west like dude if any kanye west hasn't done anything

uh anything of value hip-hop or otherwise since my dark beautiful twisted fantasy was that the

name of the album in 2011 it's just been shit ever since my name's drake what's that drake

yeah i know drake yeah drizzy yeah what's up what's up with drake i don't know that ain't good

I haven't heard of them.

It's a good band.

You should check out that band, Drake.

Yeah, they're a good band, man.

Yeah, you'll like them.

You'll like them.

Sure, sure.

He's a rapper from Toronto, if I'm correct, from Canada.

He's Canadian, black.

He's a black Canadian.

he was a little wayne what's the story on that a lot of people think that

little wayne is the best rapper alive uh i don't think so but he's talented he's from new orleans

I believe

I got disrespected

from some young kids

so I'm just asking

I don't know

it's

it's very mainstream

that was

they said

we're great

they're alright

it's just mainstream

shit

you know what I mean

it's not what I

my

I like the old school shit

and like the more

underground shit

that's out now

like right now

I'm listening to

Beastie Boys

and some old school shit

you know what I'm saying

yeah

yeah Milkman

yeah but good for you

for opening

I can't hear

that music or anything

dude

is that what

David's put together

you know

No. You know the situation here, Milkman.

Oh, it's still not working?

I want to make it work.

I'm working on it.

Okay.

Thanks for calling. This is Carlito.

How can I help you?

Hey, what's up, man?

Hey, man. This is Ian. What's up?

What's up, Ian? Ian or Ethan?

Ian.

Ian. All right. How you been?

Big Ian.

Yeah, man.

Yeah.

Yeah, so what do you got to say there?

How's your last two weeks been?

You didn't check in with us last week.

I was kind of let down about that, Ian.

Yeah, I tried to get on, but the lines are really hard to get on.

They are.

It's busy.

Yeah, I can only take one at a time, because if I take more than one call, it's just chaos.

You see, there's people trying to play fucking R.

I'm in the middle of my show and shit.

Like, come on, man.

Be real.

Come on, man.

Yeah.

Don't do that.

It's true.

Yeah, that's how things get taken away from the people, from the bad people.

uh yeah uh battling catch bat batting battling batting cage sensor and they answered last friday

day 30 holy shit what you gonna tell them uh it's going way too fast i want the balls to hit me i

want the balls to hit me in the bowl i want to boil potatoes and cover them in vaseline that's

a jerky voice very cool that was a tennis machine what we would do is we would boil the potatoes and

and put them in Vaseline and farted them at each other.

And Peter's really hurt bad.

Yeah?

Yeah, his ass is blue.

The doctor did that to him.

Hello?

Hello, yes.

You have a batting cage center?

Yes, we do.

Okay.

Do you provide the balls, or can I bring my own?

We are...

Stupid.

My cage is under relocation, but starting next week...

Here we go.

...we'll be using another cage that we can rent time out on.

Oh, yeah.

What kind of balls you can put in there?

Well, I'll be able to throw batting practice.

I don't know if the machine will be usable, just shit.

I have to negotiate that out with them.

Well, I'm planning on boiling a crate of potatoes and covering them in Vaseline.

Are you handling those?

That sounds pretty messy, sir.

I know.

I'm calling to make arrangements first.

I don't want to put you out none.

You know what I mean?

I can clean up.

I can pay extra.

We don't smoke cigarettes or anything there, you know?

We don't do anything bad.

We're good people.

I got some baseballs you can use, sir.

I don't know about boiling any potatoes or gasoline or anything like that.

No, that's like an issue.

All right.

I also have a mannequin leg that I bat with.

I don't like to use an actual bat.

Is that a problem?

I have a tree trunk you can borrow.

No, I just have an actual.

It's my lucky mannequin's leg.

No, no, there's tree trunks.

Uh, it's shaved out just right.

You know, got a handle on it.

I don't care.

Yeah, that sounds like a win.

Can you answer the question?

Yeah, what is that?

The tree trunk?

No, no.

I told you I don't care about the tree trunk.

What I'm saying is I don't want to use a bat.

I want to use a fake leg.

Well, that would be unused.

So as long as you sign the waiver, I think we'll be fine.

Okay.

All right.

So what if it wasn't so much a mannequin's leg and it was a prosthetic leg from your mama?

Well, then I'd have to beat your ass.

And then you try to be all tough on the phone like I know some other people are,

but you won't do shit in person.

Yeah.

All right?

Yeah.

You'll be eating Vaseline potatoes is what will happen.

You keep talking to me like that.

When is he going to be there?

Next week?

You said you're going to be ready?

Yeah, I'll be ready.

I'll be ready today, though.

I'm ready right now.

Well, all right.

I hope you can develop a taste for Vaseline.

If you're ready, you better pretend it's butter.

Yeah.

You know, you talk about my mama, and you don't even know him.

Your mama.

mama and i didn't say someone said your mama your stupid mama with a fake leg i hit her in the head

with it before i stole it from her you know okay all right where do you want to meet walmart hopefully

hopefully i can see you one day real soon all right we'll meet at walmart's we'll meet at

walmart's if you want to be tough guy or you're going to be busy with your mammy you know whoever

this is you don't know me and you don't really want to know i don't care i don't care i don't

care how intimidating you think yeah i don't really want he got me got me got them as they

they say. As the kids say.

Alright. Ian, are you

there, brother? How big of a ball are you?

Yeah, man, I'm here. What's up? Nothing. Just make sure

you're there. Make sure you're there, homie.

Alright. Thank you. Thank you.

Do you want to do a prank, or are you just

chilling? Yeah, I can do a prank.

I've got an

infomercial for something called the

So Clean CPAP. I guess it's the CPAP

machine. You know, Milkman has a CPAP machine.

Dude, those are nice as fuck, dude.

Yeah, I put my dick in it. Another noise

Yeah, I got a new one.

Oh, man, it's a

Philips Sonicare.

That's a toothbrush print.

It's a Philips.

What is it called, Milkman?

The PlayStation.

Something Station. Dream Station.

That's what it is.

It's got memory foam mask, man.

It's got Wi-Fi and Bluetooth.

Yeah, I turned it on

and people were trying to hack it.

No, they weren't.

No one would do that.

Who wants to know how Carlito sleeps?

Take the oil off your face.

I bought it, and it gave me pimples.

A representative will be with you shortly.

Which one?

The one you said the guy got on Amazon.

I bought a big bottle of it.

Yeah, the soap.

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah, it gave me a big pimple.

You know what the pimple looked like?

I don't know.

Did you wash it off real good,

or did you, like, leave it on or something?

The pimple looked like your mama.

Got him.

Oh, you're foolish.

You didn't even try.

I didn't try.

Ian, this is you, CPAP machine.

Make it funny.

You know what a CPAP is?

Hi.

Yep.

Yeah, hello, man.

Hi.

I'm thinking for you this morning.

Do you already have a CPAP machine, right?

No.

I have to have one now.

Okay, well, you call up the place in order to clean it.

This is to clean the CPAP?

Yeah, I know.

No. Yeah, I need to get mine serviced.

You need to get it cleaned?

Serviced.

We don't service CPAP machines.

Service the tubing, make it go, make it all nice and clean and sparkly, you know, cleaning, service.

So you want to purchase the CPAP machines?

Yes, ma'am.

Tell me what you're trying to purchase.

I'm trying to purchase the machine, the C-P-A-T machine, machine to make me breathe at night so I don't die.

Okay, yeah, this isn't it. You need to, or this is the cleaner.

We don't have to keep the machine clean here.

You're cleaning.

We don't have to keep that machine.

Now, ma'am, I need to ask you a question, though.

How do you clean the machine?

You just put your mask.

You don't have to clean this machine.

It's all oxygen.

You can clean your CPAP machine.

You clean it, ma'am?

I'm cleaning it with you.

I'm sorry.

I played a loud fart, and I ruined it, man.

I'm sorry.

Oh, fuck.

I'm just that wondering.

Yeah.

Hey, look, I got to let you go in because I have an emergency here, okay?

I got to go.

Thanks for being on, brother, man.

All right.

Well, good luck with that.

We'll catch you next week.

Peace, brother.

Yeah, good call.

I'm sorry I ruined it, man.

That's my bad.

Fuck, yeah, see you.

You're good, man.

Yeah, bye.

Don't give me any mercy.

Guys, Milkman, if I don't pee, it's going to be bad.

It's going to be real bad, Milkman.

It's going to be real bad.

Get your jug and hurry, man.

All right, listen.

Play my song.

Do that stuff.

Play my song.

Here we go.

You liar.

You ain't playing.

Oh, my God.

Why'd you tell that guy that, you know, you were going to get me in trouble and stuff?

That's not cool.

Who is this?

It's Eddie.

Eddie?

Yeah.

Eddie, I called that number you gave me, and it has a girl's message on it.

You sound weird.

It popped up once and left.

You didn't let it ring long enough.

Real number, then.

That's the number.

You called it.

It rang here for like a half second, and it hung up.

You're going to be terrified.

You're probably getting two words.

You're probably not going to get something that you planned.

Well, you scared me.

You scared the shit out of me.

I don't wait for you to scare the shit out of me.

I already know what pornos or sex are.

There's entertainment business.

I kind of have like an entertainment business. Oh or horror. Are you a fluffer? And no

I used to be scared I was a slut and a guy was like no Michelle you're not like a slut

Look what we did and I don't even know and I'm single and I'm by myself and it's okay

What do you mean? Wait a minute. Why did they think you were a slut because you had a lot of sex? No

No, I'm not gonna say anything else to you if you're gonna scare me

You're just scaring me. You did a lot of blowjobs? No. Oh, yeah, baby

Oh, yeah.

No, I didn't.

Shut up.

What's I'm doing?

Why did you call me?

I'm masturbating right now.

Go jerk off to somebody else.

Oh, no, no.

It feels good.

Keep talking.

You're so hot when you're angry, you know?

I think I told you that earlier.

You're really hot when you're angry, honey, baby.

No, I'm not.

Hey, you make me sick.

I'm sorry.

You sound like a valley girl, like totally stuck up.

You scare me and make me sick.

I was just kidding.

I am.

I am living in the valley.

I was born in L.A. like Hollywood, though, like Hollywood proper.

Oh, my God.

And I know a lot of Mexicans and shit, Asians, and black people, too,

even if I'm totally white.

All right, all right, we're back.

Carlito Milkman, I did not wash my hands, as you all can probably tell,

because I came back so fast.

That was a little one there.

Yeah, that was.

That was Michelle.

We'll ride along back to the Parkman numbers.

You can take that line, 405-396-6884.

That's 405-396-6884.

I saw Dialer talking that he wanted to be on.

Dialer, yeah, you can be on.

You can call the line and be on.

Dialer, hit me up on Facebook if it's really you.

Give me a number I can call you at.

I'll get you right through.

You don't have to worry about plebeians getting in your way.

Hello?

Thank you for calling.

All calls are recorded for quality assurance.

You don't have to sit there and wait through the dirty fucking listeners of the show.

Thank you for choosing SoClean.

My name is Debbie.

So that I can better serve you, may I ask who I'm speaking with?

My name is Orion.

Okay, and how do you spell that?

Ryan with an A at the beginning.

A-R-Y-A-N.

Oh, okay.

And how are you doing today?

I'm not getting good sleep because the CPAP machine is dirty.

It's filthy dirty.

Oh, okay.

okay how are you currently cleaning it well i hired you people to come over here and clean it

and you were that you were supposed to be here for initial consult last week to come clean the

cpap and no one ever showed up and i had been waiting every day i get home and i left the code

the gate code and i left the entry code to the to the keyless entry the security system so you

could get in and you people are supposed to come and uh hose down you're supposed to put armor all

on the seats and you were supposed to check the oil in the c-pap machine and fill the fluids the

water so this is the the place that you bought the c-pap that you're talking about you people

so clean so clean c-pap well the so clean is not the c-pap itself it's it's a cleaning machine i

know you clean the machine very good honey very good well i i i'm sorry but this is the order

Borderline, is there something that you talk to customer service about?

Well, I call SoClean.

You people said you were going to clean my CPAP.

You were going to send some people, cleaners, to come to my house to clean the CPAP.

No one ever comes.

Do you understand now with your disability?

No, I understand what you're saying, sir.

Because I know you have a disability.

You have a few, I think.

Excuse me?

I know that you have a disability, I can tell.

No, and I think it's good that they let you with disability still have a job and work.

I think that you need to stop being so rude or I am going to hang up because I don't need this, okay?

Well, I'm not saying a bad thing about your disability.

I'm saying it's good.

I do not have a disability, and I don't appreciate you doing that.

Right, right, right.

Okay, sure.

I can get you over to customer service if you would like.

Are they there?

I don't want to be leaving voicemails.

This isn't a voicemail show.

Again, this is the order line.

It is not customer service.

I can transfer you over to them if you would like.

All right.

There's a disabled woman answering.

She's going to transfer me.

Go ahead.

Thank you, honey.

Do you know how to do it?

Do you know the buttons to push?

She's just hung up.

She did not like being said that she has a disability, Milkman.

And that could be taken so many ways, right, sir?

Milkman, where are you?

You're quiet.

Don't make me angry.

Yeah, we lost her, buddy.

Thank you for calling Soap's first and only automated CPAP cleaner and sanitizer.

A representative will be with you shortly.

Thank you for choosing Soap Clean.

My name is Tina.

I'll be helping you.

Oh, not you.

How old are you?

51.

Oh, okay.

Well, I've never had anybody say that to me.

Yeah, but I know you don't know things well because of your disability.

Why am I disabled?

I don't have a disability.

You're 51.

You're a woman.

White is aunt.

Your point?

You're an old woman.

That's your disability.

You know what?

You're a jackass.

Bye.

You're dirty also.

Jeez.

I like Gina.

Thank you for calling.

Blah for the ad.

Gina.

Okay, honey baby.

A representative will be with you shortly.

We didn't see that one coming there.

This call will be recorded to ensure quality service.

Recorded.

You're a jack.

Thank you for choosing So Clean.

My name is Olan.

So that I can better serve you, may I ask who I'm speaking with?

Okay, honey baby.

Honey baby?

Yes.

Honey, how are you doing tonight?

Good.

I've called twice now.

Do you know who Trina is or Tina, the woman, the old 51-year-old woman?

You work here?

Yeah.

One second.

Can you transfer me to her?

We're in the middle of an order.

Trying to look her up.

Trina, Tina.

Okay, I see a Tina.

Yep, that's her.

I can't transfer you, but I can message you to call her back.

I mean, I can send her a message to call you back.

Why?

We don't have that option.

Do you have a button that says transfer?

We don't have that option, sir.

Shit.

Man, I fucked your dick, man.

All right, I guess I can deal with you.

Hello?

Yeah, despite your disability, I guess I can work with you.

All right, so I was supposed to have someone come here to clean the CPAP machine.

Your people, again, for the third day straight, missed an appointment and didn't send the people, the team, over to clean the CPAP machine.

There's a lot of scaling on it.

It smells like mildew.

I was promised that you were going to come here.

You were going to check all the fluids.

You were going to clean all the glass on the CPAP machine.

You were going to install a new fuel filter in it.

I had a whole bunch of things, and I wanted to get the tires balanced on it also, and no one came.

You might have the wrong number.

CPAP, SoCleanCPAP.

Clean is a machine. We're not a bunch of CPAP cleaners.

So we don't send out people to clean your CPAP. We sell CPAP cleaner machines.

Okay, well, I like to throw the word machine out myself a lot, like you are.

I invented that. I'm the person who started that, okay?

So I know that when you say that you have a bunch of your CPAP machines,

I know you're just cleaning machines. You're just saying, like, cleaning people.

The group of people that comes to clean the machine.

Have a good night.

I'm going to bite you.

Fuck him.

Call again.

I want another lady.

I want another woman.

Another woman.

Milkman.

Milk woman.

I'll take a milk woman.

We have a caller.

We have an enemy hostile caller.

Hello, enemy hostile caller.

I'm Carlito.

Go ahead.

Oh, shit.

Did I get you?

Hello?

Yes, hello.

Hi, this is Dragon Man.

This is Dragon Man.

I'm not hostile.

Oh, good.

Thanks for being a friend.

How you doing, Dragon Man?

We're doing prank calls about CPAP machines

Dragon Mirror

Hey what's up Milkman

Hey brother

You see Milkman I told you everyone knows you

And fucking loves your ass

They love you more than they love me

You're like no one loves me

No one knows me anymore

They just know Dwat

You want to do the call or you want to just chill?

You tell me now, Dragomir. Let's go.

I can try.

Alright, CPAP machine.

I know you got one of them, you old man.

It's late. You're tired.

And you just want to go to sleep.

But you haven't cleaned your CPAP equipment

in days. Maybe even weeks.

Once again, you go to sleep.

Man, I clean my CPAP thing in the

fucking dishwasher once a week.

You're not going to get a good night's sleep.

And then I fill up the hose with some

and I shake it up.

That's how I clean my shit.

I think I'm going to buy a separate machine

to clean the machine.

The machine machine.

Oh, good. It's so good.

I do the dishwasher.

Dishwasher? Really?

I meant to say dishwasher.

I'm Puerto Rican.

CPAP equipment is fully disinfected.

Oh, come on.

Never have hold times here?

That's not acceptable.

You just like CPAP machines.

Putting marijuana in your CPAP machine.

Like, oh, yeah, man.

This really gets you.

You get alpha waves.

Lucent dreams, man.

I got some marijuana in my CPAP.

I got lucent dreams.

What's that?

them down you ever have them down milkman do you tell me hang on let's put that on hold milkman

did you ever were you ever successful in lucid dreaming you try to get me into the lucid dreaming

fad yeah man i've done it many times so what do you do like you're like you know you're dreaming

and you're in control of the dream yeah yeah can you make like everyone take yeah you know

you're dreaming and then the shit like this hello yeah do you do you make the women oh the shit that

you would see in your dream that seemed real to you in your dream you're in control of it so

you like reshape the reality in your dream so can you get like a real big dick and be like all the

women take your pants off no no mine's usually like uh like a usually it's like a happy ending

with somebody it's either yeah after the massage yeah boy yeah don't talk about like that yeah

right here we got recording of my fan's dream

but i don't see that i don't really dream like i don't like like even think of that

shit too much anymore i don't know i haven't had one in a long time i got recording of milk

the last time i did was with the melatonin oh yeah yeah that melatonin man that'll get you

gotta be careful you can't take that for too long yeah lucid dreaming here on the mouth tonight

we're talking about uh oh shit we have a caller on the line dragon myrrh all right yeah i'm still

still here i've done some lucid dreaming myself i quit smoking weed for a year for no reason and

i'm doing fucking nuts and that helped you you were able to lucid dream after quitting the weed

oh yeah yeah yeah because i smoke i smoke a lot of pot and when i quit it was just like

intense dreams every night every night no kidding really and i've always been i've always been pretty

good at lucid dreaming i get close like i get close like i'm kind of like i i don't it's hard

to explain like i think i am and then like something happens i wake up usually the wife

talking some fucking bullshit like make the coffee you fucking cunt i was almost lucid dreaming like

what if you get paused man i'll hit pause like i'll wake up yeah and then i'll like hit pause

like mentally i'll lay back down to sleep now i continue to dream from where i was

you hit the start button nice should i go back to sleep but like so i didn't know

yeah oh shit they picked up and hung up on that fucking line all right all right

what a waste uh don't worry dragon mara we got more if i could get my shit working here right

let's see we got uh we got we got we got well the five below didn't answer earlier i thought

there was a helpline here here we go gambling addiction hotline here we go the gambler's

addiction hotline let's do it this is a concept i came up with by calling like sex addicts anonymous

and all the addiction hotlines the overeaters one was really funny i sat on that idea for a long

time and I debuted it on now one of Dwight McClanahan shows on 2016 and that

was that was a lot of fun that was a lot of fun playing the clock

gotta like do it while you call them while you're there yeah I got another

penny and you know they're struggling with a gambling addiction if you are

calling I saw a billboard for this no the other day do you want to be a

gambling addict fair dragon mirror I could take it you tell me oh man I could

get a shot all right let's go this is gambling help line how can I help you

today? I just need someone to talk to. Okay, sure. What's going on? I'm not having a good week. I'm

not having a good week. I'm down. Because of gambling? Yeah, I took a gamble. A buddy of mine

told me about this investment opportunity and he said it was a sure thing. He said it was a sure

thing and I took my paycheck and I got a cash advance and I took some money from the wife and

I went all in. It didn't work out. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to tell the wife.

Sorry to hear about that. Did it just happen today?

Well, actually the thing is it was, you know, eBay, electronic ball, you know what that is?

Sorry, the connection is not too good. Can you say that again?

I made a purchase on eBay that was supposed to be a good investment, but it turned out to be poor.

Yeah, and you are feeling really depressed right now.

I got like a thousand bean babies here and I don't know what the fuck to do with them.

This guy told me, he said, he said, get this, he said, get this, it's a first edition bongo, it's got the, um, it's got the original tag and the protector.

He said that's only gonna get, he said it's gonna be worth, like, five times, five times what I pay, and now I got them, and I'm trying to, I'm trying to move them, and they're not, they're not worth anything, man.

Get out of this fucking beanie, baby.

For the past two weeks, and even right now, do you have any thoughts of harming yourself?

No, I'm about to rip up this fucking beanie, baby, this guy's got a bongo, he said he's worth a thousand, he's not worth fucking ten dollars.

Okay, you are feeling really depressed and hopeless right now.

Again, I'm glad that you will make the call and reach out to us

so that we can talk a little bit about how I can help to you today.

Do you know anything about Beanie Babies?

I can't help you with that.

Can't help me with the Beanie Babies? I got the Princess Diana one.

I just need someone to buy it, man.

I got them all, I just don't want them.

Well, maybe you can figure out some other ways to try to sell them.

I will say since you buy it from the Internet, I guess you are really good on the Internet too.

Maybe you can Google out some and come up with a strategy to help you to sell the Beanie Babies.

Do you need any? Do you need any Beanie Babies?

It will really help me, ma'am.

I took like $300 from my wife and she didn't know.

And if you just buy this Princess Diana, it's worth like $1,000, and if you just get it, it's like $300, and then I can at least pay my wife back, and that'll buy me some time, and I don't know what else to do.

Yeah, it is a hard situation right now.

What's your PayPal? What's your Instagram or something? How do I get in touch with you?

I want to send you a picture of this being baby. It's a one-of-a-kind.

Okay.

you have Snapchat?

Yeah, I will encourage you to speak with your wife first about that.

I guess she's close.

No, no, no. I can't let her know. She'll hit me.

I got the gambling problem, but she's got a drinking problem, and she finds out about this.

She's liable to hit the bottle and then get to hitting me, and I can't have that, man.

I got all these unique babies. I don't need a black eye.

Listen, just give me your Snapchat.

I'm going to send you a picture of this Princess Diana limited edition, okay?

Well, what I can help you with, if you have any kind of gambling addiction,

that I can refer you to any kind of resource that is available in your state.

other than that um other than that i just need your snapchat no no i took a gamble on this i

bought i bought all these baby babies i thought they were going to be worth money and they're not

and that's why i need to send you a picture of my of my uh baby babies and things ma'am ma'am

i'm listening can you help me ma'am ma'am you there hi are you listening still hi listen so i'm

i'm his uncle and uh can you pick a number between one and ten no i i cannot do that um this is out

out of the scope of my service?

No, just pick a number between 1 and 10.

No, I can't do that.

What time is it?

Depends on where you are.

Where you are.

What hour is it right now?

Is it 8, 7, 6?

Do you guys need any kind of resource

related to problem gambling?

Okay.

Is there a phone number we can call?

For...

Yeah.

What kind of service are you looking for?

For gambling help, gambling help.

This is the line for gambling help, so I can only help you to...

All right, for credit counseling, credit counseling because of the gambling debt.

A number, any number you give out.

Come on, give me something.

You got to give me a number.

For a problem, if it's for credit, I will suggest you to Google it out.

Oh, come on.

I cannot help you with that.

What other numbers you have there?

Whatever numbers you have.

Well, I don't have any number here.

How old is she?

What's her age?

Yeah, yeah, all right.

So how old are you?

This is, again, this is out of my service.

Jesus Christ.

How many eyes do you have?

One or two?

If you are, so please do call us back if you have any concern related to problem gambling,

and we will be happy to assist you with that.

How many buttons do you have to push to hang up?

How many buttons do you push to hang up?

trying to get us a wager i think she's like no way she would but she's like um no i'm not gonna

enable i guess they must be told not to give any no no because she knows hang on hang on i got an

idea i got an idea dragon uh who's on the line i'm sorry dude i'm real high who's that dragon man

dragon man hang on hang on dogs barking homer's nephew it's like a little homer minimi is spending

spending the weekend with us and he's cute problem gambling this is kelly how can i help you

kelly that's a girl's name it is a unicellular name oh okay honey baby all right so um let me

see here uh what time is it there where you are uh same time it is where you are no it's almost

eight o'clock it's about two minutes eight so the first number is eight what can i do for you today

All right, guys, hang on, hang on.

Dragon, pick a number between one and ten.

Eight's already taken.

Five, six.

Nope, you're wrong.

The number's nine.

You went, sir.

I'm not lying to people who won.

Sir, you won.

The number's nine.

Goodbye, sir.

Congratulations.

Got him.

Fucking enabler.

I'm going to try that again.

Problem gambling.

Got him.

This one is the gambler's.

I'm watching the YouTube chat at the moment.

And if you guys can let me know, is the audio level okay tonight on YouTube?

Please let me know.

Yes, hi.

This is Problem Gaming Helpline.

How can I help you?

Yes, what time is it there where you are, just out of curiosity?

7.50.

All right, 7.

All right, you got 7.

Dragomir, can you please choose a number between 1 and 10, and 7 is already taken?

Let's go with a 2.

Bad choice, my friend.

The actual answer is 6.

Did you have a gambling issue or not?

Well, you just won, ma'am.

You chose the closest.

The number was six that I had in my head.

I wonder if they're all recovering gamblers.

So they're like, no.

He was gone quick.

He folded quick.

Yeah.

All right, Dragon Bear, I'm going to let you go to clear up the line.

All right, brother.

Thanks for being on.

Thanks for having me on.

My gambling buddy, you.

Thanks for calling in, brother.

Peace out.

Welcome to the Madhouse.

I think that was your first time.

Yeah.

First time.

All right.

Thank you.

Bye.

Asshole.

Asshole's gone.

no dragon mirror's gone thanks for joining buddy you can join you can take his line at 405-396-6884

405-396-6884 uh before i do that i'm gonna call myself i'm gonna be in the casino this time i

don't care so if you're calling right now you might just want to hang up and chill out until

i do this call when you hear this call finish we're gonna play some prank calls we're gonna

play some voicemails right and then we take calls and then we take a break no fuck that

We're almost on break time.

Shut up!

What did I hit?

One?

Yeah, if you want to call, don't...

You know what I'm trying to say?

Don't call now because it's going to be a short call.

Because we're taking a break at the top of the hour, motherfucker.

It's best to just chill out.

I think she heard me talking.

I did it again, Milkman.

Sorry.

I think that lady heard me talking.

You have reached Problem Gambling House.

I'm Lieutenant Hooks.

Calling from the casino.

Problem Gambling.

Yeah, I'm calling from the casino.

You have the wrong number.

Is this problem gambling?

It is.

All right, well, I'm calling from the casino.

I need assistance, please.

Can you please help me out?

I cannot.

You have the wrong number.

Are you the guy that gave me that shitty bid on number seven?

I need leads.

All right, let's let that rest for a while.

Milkman, remind me.

All right, Echo, set a 42-minute, 16-second timer called Casino Calls.

I was going to just say, boy, you read my mind.

I was just going to say, we ought to call them back.

I think they're getting a little bit wore out.

Okay.

All right.

Echo, what timer?

How much time left?

You have 42 minutes left on your Casino Call-Ons timer.

Thank you.

Echo.

Everyone thank Echo.

Keep in mind, if you have an Amazon Alexa device,

you can say, Alexa, play Madhouse Prank Call Radio, and she will do it.

Or he.

Because like Kelly, just a second ago, oh, yeah,

you can hear our shoutcast feed right on your Alexa device.

Say your keyword and play Madhouse Prank Call Radio.

If you want to hear the podcast, you can say, Alexa, play Madhouse Prank Call Podcast, and

you get the latest episode of our podcast.

But if you just say, play Madhouse Prank Call Radio, you get the shoutcast station.

You can be listening to us right now, motherfucker.

All these options are at madhouselive.com, so get your ass over there, motherfuckers.

All right, so how about we just take a break now, Milkman, so we get a good, nice, beefy

two hours you know what i mean brother man all right man how about we get well i think yeah

we're off to a good start i don't know we'll do another call we'll do a real real quick call

real quick call all right let's try let's try another casino machine

problem gambling helpline this line is for gamblers and concerned

I think every state has a gambling helpline.

I would feel there's not very many operators at Despo Hotline Center.

Problem gambling helplines. James, I can help you.

Hey, James, I need help, brother.

I'm here at the casino right now, and I'm relapsing.

I'm having a really hard time, and I'm in the hole right now.

I'm behind, and I need to either hit really big right now and come out of this,

or my wife's going to kill me.

She's probably going to kill you then.

what do I do they gave me this they gave me this card they say call this card that the

the bouncer guy in the suit came to me he said call this line and get help buddy

I guess he said he said he had a response they had a responsibility to give this information out

if they saw that I was a problem gambler leave the casino then all right is that all you're

here for just to tell me to leave the casino you don't offer any other help I mean you clearly

don't want the help you're at the you know you're talking about trying to hit big well I'm trying

to not to i'm trying i can't you know like i either i got one last chance at this you know

at making other i'm basically going double or nothing if i lose all this that's it it's over

i'm going to lose the wife the kids everything well and they hear the the sound like all the

all the cool sounds and stuff and like there's no one more people who want to stop

i do i'm just looking for a reason i am i am i'm serious all right can you just all right if

All right, can you give me a number between 1 and 8?

I'm going to let you go.

Okay, just give me a number through 1 to 8.

Give me a sign, man.

You've got to give me a sign.

They will not.

They're told not to deal with numbers, dude.

That's it.

They're told, I know.

Wow.

That's it.

He hung right up there.

Yeah, dude.

All right, when we come back, we've got more numbers to get to.

I'd like to try some more of those casino help call machines.

We got more infomercials to get to.

We got numbers from Big Ethan Maria.

Ethan Marie.

We got Junk My Car.

Restaurants to call here.

A wedding chapel in Las Vegas.

Boy, we got tons of shit.

Milkman.

Milkman's going to be here.

He's going to be taking your calls.

He's going to be playing some voicemails.

We're going to have a special announcement here about the new prank war that we're starting.

Let's do it, man.

We're going to war.

We're going to war, motherfucker, yeah.

All right, we'll be right back in about nine, eight, nine, ten minutes.

We'll be right back.

Look, man, just behave yourself.

Back to the music that made back Rufus.

Niggas got a problem, Houston.

What up, B?

They can't shut up to me.

Shut down and believe what these streets did to me.

So picture me letting these clowns nitpick you.

You're listening to Madhouse Live.

I'm the largest prank call station in the nation.

Prank call nation.

That marketing plan with me

And no I ain't get shot up a whole bunch of times

I make up shit in a whole bunch of lines

And I ain't animated like

Say a bus to rhyme

With the real shit you get when you bust down my lines

Add that to the fact I went flat a bunch of times

Times that by my influence on pop culture

I supposed to be number one

On everybody list

We'll see what happens when I no longer exist

Fuck this

Madhouse Radio will be back

Right after this

You know what I hope

That when you die

They put your GPS in your box and a trap door at the bottom

So when you die, you open a trap door at the bottom

You check the GPS and you go straight down to the hell

Madhouse Radio is back

You are bigger than a woman

You are better than a woman

We'll always be behind you

Do not let a woman

We'll always be behind you

Ever

Make you who you are

On her right

Half man, half drug

Half clubs

Bad boy, that's what's up

Half the bucks

Crushed cheese

Half the bucks

Madhouse Radio Carlito's back taking big shits all over the fucking competition.

Amateur prank callers cannot touch this.

You know, my enemies can only throw rocks at me uphill.

Just saying.

I don't waste my time throwing stones downhill.

Always die.

We got material.

We don't have to worry about that.

We got material.

I have the brain.

All right.

Let's move right into more prank call-y calls.

Everybody, how's it going, my brother?

I'm okay, man.

All right.

I hope you get a nice break.

Get a little pen going there, OG Cush.

I had myself some crab rangoon, and I started reloading the pipe,

and I forgot to finish that job because I'm a stupid.

Oh, okay.

Well, at least you got a hit, anyway.

Uh-huh.

All right.

Another break call.

Calling the Notary Association machine.

Thank you for holding.

Your call is very important to us.

To help us better assist you, please have any relevant documentation or information ready.

A notary expert will be with you shortly.

Good evening.

Thank you for calling the Notary Hotline.

My name is Adrienne.

May I please get your member number?

Or is it spelling of your last name?

Hi.

Oh, hi.

My last name is White.

First name?

Orion.

Orion?

A-R-Y-A-N.

Oh, okay.

Just Ryan with an A in front of it.

Okay.

And what state are you in, Orion?

Very good.

Despite your disability, you did pretty good there.

I know, right?

Yeah.

And what state do you live in?

I live in Horse.

State is that?

Horse.

Horse, Michigan?

Okay.

Thank you.

you good for you all right i don't have an account for you mr white yeah i recently i recently

transitioned okay all right just looking at all the a whites in the state of michigan

and there's not even anything close did you have another name before uh nothing else you've used

i mean yeah yeah i did okay what was your other name private p-r-i-v ryan ryan private yes that

nope still nothing

try labia

l-a-b-i-a

for the last name

yeah

l-a-b-i-a

nope nothing

um

customer service

which is our business office

has closed for the day

of course they have

because every time

I try to get them

to do something

they go

we're business hours

you know

you gotta pay

20 fucking dollars

you know

hey what

do you have

do you have a notary stamp

yourself

yeah

alright why don't you

shove it up your ass

alright yeah you're right

listen what does that mean you have bad audio

milkmans or you say that I shouldn't do that

it was going nowhere

it was going nowhere it wasn't funny

you know I got so mad

at the bank dude I had to get

something notarized and

I called I've gotten

stuff notarized at the bank before so

I called the bank and

to make sure they still did this and he's like oh yeah

the guy's like oh yeah you know how

men are that work at banks he was like oh yeah

we still notarize them

i'm like oh cool it's like are you sure it's not dot department of transportation no no it's not

it's for for my lawyer he's like oh all right and then and then he said um he said oh wait a minute

no you can't get anything notarized here unless it's for bank business like really rude and flip

it and i said oh well that's bullshit and i told him why don't you shove your notary stamp up your

ass and he got really like he got really oh yeah that's where that came from and then but after

After that, I was like, you know what?

I used to work at banks, and I know that for lesser stuff, people have had their accounts closed.

Because people have said, like, you know, fuck you to the person on the phone.

And the branch manager will straight up close the account and be like, I have the right to close this account.

You were blah, blah, blah, and too bad.

Good for custom, Adam.

Yeah, yeah, I've seen that happen.

I always thought that was bullshit when that happened.

But, yeah, they'd send them a check.

They'd send them a check for their balance.

and, like, then your money was all locked away for, like, a whole week and stuff.

Yeah.

What?

Fuckers.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Okay.

The best thing is don't curse them out until after you get the money.

Then you curse them out.

Well, then you just take a shit on all the cars.

The fastest, easiest way to sell your car.

If the year of your vehicle is 2000 or newer, press 1.

If the year of your vehicle is 1999, we will now get your call to the right place.

This call is recorded to ensure an awesome experience.

It was not Bank of America.

it's it's a bank that actually doesn't exist anymore public's bank thank you for calling

puddle my name is jeff hello yes sir yeah i have a 2017 honda ridgeline okay hold on hurry up 2017

honda ridgeline machine do you have the machine machine yes do you have the trim or the submodel

of the vehicle if it's a black the black or black black okay black edition yep the black edition

yep with the leather seats or a salvage title well i lost my car in the divorce but i still

have the title and paperwork though so i want to junk it before the wife gets here okay but whose

name signed on the title well it's in mine but i lost the car in the divorce i'm supposed to turn

turn it over but she can't do anything about it okay let's give you the zip code where the vehicle

is located three two eight oh eight okay are all the wheels mounted and tires are inflated yes i

listen do you understand what i'm saying they're gonna take the car away you gotta take it before

the wife gets it you know what i mean though judge ordered there's a judge order is that a problem

i could spoon feed this motherfucker god damn it like how dense are you man what was your name

name again jose yes okay well what's going on yes sir we need to ask the every details of the

question of the every every details of the vehicle really pissing me off man you're really bringing

me down and pissing me off so is it okay sir to ask every questions regarding the vehicle condition

uh well i mean is there someone without the your disability i mean i think it's very brave that you

have a disability and that you're trying your job and i understand that but is there someone else

so that I could talk to?

Hello?

No, sir.

You can try calling us back again

so maybe other agents will answer your call.

I think so because, you know,

it sounds like I'm talking to, like,

you know, Speedy Gonzalez's cousin, Slowpoke?

Okay, sir.

All right.

All right, let's just end this here.

All right, bye.

Fucking damn, Milkman.

What the fuck?

What is up with these people, man?

I'm trying good ideas.

I'm trying shit.

It's like KDK said.

You know, when you're so good

that you invent every idea.

Look, KDK said that once.

KDK said that he was so proud that he had that.

Thanks for having me right in a good place.

The fastest way to sell your car.

If the year of your vehicle is 2000 or newer, you will now get your call to the right place.

These people are just triaging and taking info.

This ain't going to work.

I'll give it one more shot there, park mans.

They might be so desperate for a job, but they're actually being nice.

Thank you very much for calling Taddle.

May I have the year make a model of your vehicle?

Oh, man, not you again.

Is this Jose?

No, sir.

Oh, okay.

You sound like a Jose.

I have a 2010 Honda Ridgeline.

I don't think there was a Ridgeline in 2010.

Shit.

2017.

You know what?

I'm not feeling this.

I don't feel right about this, sir.

You okay?

Okay.

It's not my car.

I'm trying to get you guys to junk the car.

It's supposed to be my wife's car, but I hate her.

Okay?

Okay, sir.

Hello, caller.

You're on the air.

Please don't be mean.

Hi, motherfucker baloney.

It's Dwight.

Dwight McConaughey.

My name's Straw.

I'm here with Jose. Hey, what's up straw and milkman's here milkman. Be nice to Dwight. Say hi Dwight. He called the phone

Is that really Dwight? Yeah

I'm glad you know the difference between between Ken and Dwight. Yeah, Jose we have

We have we have a car that we need to have junked. Yeah, I took the tires off. We're gonna sell the tire separate

Yes, sir. Can you please give the vehicle identification number or the VIN so we can get the correct make and model of the vehicle?

The identification number is blue.

They're removed.

Okay, sorry.

I have to disconnect the call since I didn't receive any proper responses from you guys.

Oh, come on.

Okay, sir.

Come on, man.

Don't do this.

Please.

Okay, sir.

Thank you very much.

All in favor.

All right.

Bye.

I don't like that number.

Improper response.

I don't like those guys.

I don't like that number.

What's up?

What's up, Big Dwight?

You doing a show tomorrow?

You got a plan?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Good, good.

It's good to hear.

Good to hear.

Yeah, I just got back from the gym machine and washing my ass in the shower.

Oh, just the ass?

Yeah.

Let me ask you.

I'm from the corporate office.

Did you use the showers, facilities there?

No, I ride home stinky and smelly, and I hotbox myself in the car with the smell.

Hey, you ever like to fart in the car in a seat and then, like, a few times?

Thanks, Colin.

It's awesome.

This is Chelsea.

How may I help you?

Hey, sometimes I like to sit in the, you know those seats that you have there?

The what?

You know the seats that you have, the booth seats?

Oh, yes.

I fart in it like two or three times during the dinner,

and then when I get up, it's like a big fart.

Great.

What was the other call?

Did my number pop up when I called you?

No, I have incoming caller ID turned off.

I'd like to see what line people are calling from.

I've been pranking people on Facebook lately,

and for some reason my caller ID, which I don't have turned on,

shows I'm calling from Mexico.

From Mexico?

Yeah.

Yeah, people are like, why is Mexico calling me?

Is this via Skype?

Yeah, my caller ID's shut off.

Yeah, I don't know what to tell you, man.

I don't know.

I don't know why they would go with Mexico of all places Skype.

Milkman, hang on there, Mr. Dwight.

I got to play some voicemails here, Milkman.

Usually there are messages here for you.

So we're going to go back in time.

What was last week?

Because I missed a whole shit ton of them last week.

Was that the second or last show that we missed?

I think so, right?

Let's see.

Here's one, a very rude one.

Carly, though.

Sexual organs.

Yeah.

Pussy flats.

Yeah.

Piss flats.

Yeah.

I'll call you later, you motherfucker.

All right, motherfucker.

All right.

God damn it.

All right, yeah, yeah.

Cool, all right, yeah.

All right.

That was very nice.

They're a good mushroom.

And I would like to help you with any tech problems you may have.

Okay, all right.

Thanks for helping us, I guess.

Let's see what this is not available.

What does this say here?

Sounds like Matt

Sound like Matt and me

Not available

If the transcripts are not available

I am playing it guys

Hey I was just calling to say that I'm glad you're doing podcasts again

I love the show

A character that I'd like to see come back is

Eddie Garcia

I love that character

Anyway thanks for coming back

Eddie Garcia yo

What's this Jager

Eddie Garcia

Jack Matherson

Jack Valente

Someone said the M word

Nigger.

All right, good.

Thanks for contributing there, caller.

This is all from last week.

These all went to voicemail.

I didn't get that they were playing.

I want to talk to the owner of the company right now.

Oh, okay, yeah, yeah.

Another one.

Real nigga shit.

Okay, cool, cool.

Here's a lot of racist cursing, I think, in this one.

Real nigga shit.

All right, thank you for that.

People getting frustrated they couldn't get through.

Hello, front reception.

This is UK Godfather.

I have some numbers for you.

Look at your chat, Carlita.

Uh, here's another one.

Let's see.

Hey, how's it going, guys?

I just really want to thank you for, you know,

taking the time to make prank calls.

Bro, are you masturbating leaving me this?

I listen to you guys pretty much everywhere I go.

To the grocery store.

I'm fucking jerking off right now.

I fucking want you.

He's calling from the bathroom, dude.

What you in, man?

He's doing a bathroom call.

That's just what it is.

I'm trying to find the one, or the guy that reads the obituaries.

He read one for Big L, and I can't find it.

damn it damn it carlito this is old head nick you know me i'm milkman's grandpa calling up

talk to you about a few issues i'm having right now with your show here but every time i call

god damn it you don't answer the phone asshole what am i supposed to do is this the right number

yeah it is come on now i'm sorry it's a popular talk to you this is a popular show guys i'm sorry

Sorry, I tried to get you.

Sorry, Grandpa.

There's a long line.

Everybody wants to call in.

You got to be persistent.

Sorry, buddy.

Hey, Carlito.

Man, I really love this show.

Great show.

Always funny.

Except that Milkman guy.

Ah, yeah.

I think you should get rid of the Milkman.

Ah, burn.

All right.

See you later, Milkman.

All right.

That's the vote for me.

He's really boring.

He's not funny.

He seems like he's drunk all the time.

i don't know maybe here yeah otherwise great show there you go all right so one vote for uh

no more milkman all right milkman all right yeah all right well come on everybody everybody called

in oh come on these these these are uh tonight's voicemails here i'm playing let's get through

these so everyone gets a chance to be heard at least so yeah guys if i miss your call i'm sorry

like i said a lot of calls come in i can only have one of their name or did we have a name

for a caller ID for that caller?

I do, but I don't want to give that out.

Well, I mean, I can know.

You want me to do a talk shit, too?

Okay, maybe he'll call back.

I want nothing left to message.

I mean, the thing ain't balls.

I mean, come on.

Oh, Milkman.

We got the balls going up.

Milkman on the balls on the ball trip now.

Holy shit.

All right, so look.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was like, what's the name or the number there?

If you haven't showed up or getting through,

leave just one voicemail,

But at least I can get to play a little bit, you know, here's the here's a longer one

Dwight you still there? Please hang on

Let's see what this is

Residential property. Oh nice. Oh, it's macro. What's up?

All right, cool macro calling then checking in my biggest fan. Awesome. Don't blame

Hey Carlito, we got confirmed Michelle Clevenger's new number get out you got it

Oh, that'd be great.

I'm going to call them right now.

I'm going to call back your hotline.

Okay, which one was that?

The hotline, the hotline, the gambling one, right?

Gambler's hotline.

The gambler's hotline.

Gambler's hotline.

Yeah, we're trying to get hold of Jeanette or whatever her name is.

Gina.

Gotcha, gotcha.

All right, let's do it.

Or Tina.

Tina, I think it was.

Tina?

Tina or something.

I couldn't quite get it.

Tina, Gina, Gina.

It was real close to that.

Vagina.

You have reached problem gambling helpline.

I don't know that they have any casinos in Indiana.

Is Mike Pence from Indiana? Is that where he's from?

Yeah, that's where the head of the KKK is from, too.

They just hung up on me.

Was Indiana a union state during the Civil War?

Was it even around during the Civil War?

Yes.

Next door to Illinois.

Illinois.

Hey, this is Indiana.

Hello?

Hi.

Hi, this is Indiana Gambling Helpline.

How can I help you?

Yeah, hi.

I'm at the casino right now.

I'm trying to see if I can get someone to help me realize that this is a really bad idea, what I'm about to do.

Okay, are you in front of a machine right now?

Well, like, I had to walk away because the machines, they're so, like, sexually, you know, like, they have lots of lights and sounds.

And then they have a machine that is called the Playboy machine, the Playboy casino.

Sure.

and it has like women with like big breasts on it and bunny tails and it's like you put in a

quarter and you pull the handle and then like the things the things spin um how how long have you

been playing uh i've been here for i mean that it's hard to tell because there's no clocks in

here or no windows but i want to say probably about 23 hours i took out several cash advances

Echo, stop!

I took out several cash advances already.

Okay.

So there's a man here.

My name's Acevedo.

There's a man here who said that I can, like, you know,

perform a sexual act on him,

and he'll give me some more money to try to come out of the hole.

Not sure if I understand what you mean.

There's a guy here named Dwight.

He's at the machine next to me,

and he said that if I give him oral sex,

that he'll give me $5,000 that I can keep gambling with.

Well, are you thinking about continuing to gamble?

Well, I was, but I didn't know about giving a man oral sex.

I've never done that, you know.

I'm a married man, straight.

Do you want to go to the bathroom with me, or are you going to do it right here?

Let me, I'm talking to my wife real quick to see if it's okay, all right?

All right, can you please tell me what to do?

I don't know what to do.

I will say, as a counselor, I can't force anyone to do anything.

It really depends on you, what you want to do for yourself.

All right, should I insist that he wear a condom while I give him oral sex then, you think?

Well, I can only answer questions related to gambling.

But this is related because he gives me, if I do this oral, the sex in the mouth,

he gives me money and then I'm going to gamble.

That's why I'm doing it.

If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't be doing that because Jesus Christ, you know?

Also, we can talk about the gambling itself.

if you do like gambling and you want to continue to do that there's nothing i can help you and if

you are willing to pay any kind of price to continue to gamble that is your decision okay

so then what are you supposed to be here for because i was told that this line was here to

talk me out of gambling to give me a reason um actually we are not here to talk you out of

gambling we are here to provide you resource um so that is if you decide that you don't want to

gamble and you want to deal with uh you want to support you to make the change we are here to

support you but like i said we we're not here to force anyone to make a change that they are not

well you support me ready for that i want you to support me you guys come here can you come and

And give him the sex, the oral sex, and then maybe then that way I don't have to gamble, because then you will have the money.

Is there anything I can help you with today?

Yeah, come down, come here to the casino.

I'm at the Indiana Indian Casino.

Indiana Indian Casino.

Please.

Like I have told you, this is out of the scope of my service.

I'm going to bite you.

I'm going to bite you on your legs.

I'm going to bite your leg, your thigh muscle, your thigh skin.

in i'm gonna bite i'm gonna leave black marks on you if you need some information about uh talking

with a counselor about your addiction or if you have uh decide to make a change please do call us

back shut up get on my phone get off my fucking phone right fuck off my phone dwight you need to

do a prank call here dwight do we would you uh do you have an idea for a c-pap machine cleaning

thing i don't know if you heard those that i did earlier c-pap uh no i think it was when i was

He's just driving home.

Of course, of course, of course.

I'm going to get rid of this casino noise.

Jesus.

I'm looking for numbers here.

I'm liking how I can call on Skype,

but instead I'm just fucking with the number

and the people can't call in.

Well, no, Skype is shit.

I don't really have Skype running anymore right now for shows.

I'm very upset at Skype right now.

It's going to be for that other show I do.

I'm going to do it.

Hey, here's a Puerto Rican restaurant.

I'm sandbagging you.

Alright, shit, fuck it.

It's in Nashville.

It's called Mass Confusion all over again.

Hello?

Hang on.

I screwed that up.

Second.

Hello?

Alright.

Yeah, she doesn't want to answer.

She doesn't want to play.

Dwight, I'm going to let you go.

Let someone else be on.

I'm sorry, buddy.

Alright, shit, fuck it.

See you.

Alright, see you later, buddy.

Here goes Dwight.

See you later, Dwight.

Bye, Dwight.

I have to stick to the rules, to the new rules that everyone, you know, I don't want

to hurt anyone's feelings.

Well, Grandpa got angry.

He didn't get in.

A couple other people.

Dwight.

At least we got to talk to Dwight.

Yeah, I guess.

There's another voicemail.

When did Grandpa call in?

I'm going to get one way or another.

Even if I have to send Tigger over there.

And you know how Tigger gets.

It doesn't happen.

I will have that honey.

If it's the last two.

Man, that's a violent Winnie the Pooh.

Holy shit.

Something like the dead.

The dead Winnie the Pooh if he was the dead.

Shit.

Yeah, that's the dead Rainy Wind of the Poodle, his kids.

I don't hear from the dead anymore.

Is he still alive?

Is he still around?

Last I knew, he lost his job for the airline, and that's the last I heard.

Oh, he's working in the airline?

Not anymore.

Milkman, this is a voicemail that pertains to you.

Well, you already played that one earlier.

One guy wants me to quit.

Check your messages, and you're going to screen calls.

Just had a question about how long you and Milkman have known each other.

But, you know, I just want to get on the air.

Aw, he wants to get on the air.

Let's see if this is him.

Here's a caller.

Caller, go ahead.

You're on the air.

Please be nice.

Yo, Big Cross.

What up?

It's Ethan.

Hey, Ethan.

What's up, man?

How you doing, buddy?

Ethan.

Yeah.

Shit, let's call Joey Guns.

That's what we need to do.

That's what this show needs is some Joey Guns.

That's right.

Fuck yeah.

Yeah.

What up, Milky Man?

You fucking Milky Wicker, you.

What's happening?

Same shit.

Getting it going on, baby.

baby yeah hey k cross i'm going to maryland manson and rob maryland manson and rob zombie

in concert together that sounds fun yes sir nice the people still people don't still protest

maryland manson like they did in the early 90s oh man i remember like in 97 my senior year in

high school and fucking maryland manson was had a concert in orlando and there's fucking people

praying the rosary outside and all this fucking shit did you go no i didn't go i didn't go i saw

it on the news there's a lot of news coverage on it got a fan it's all right it was all right i

knew a girl like i kind of dug a girl who was into him i saw alice manfield actually it's funny

you mentioned that my uh my girlfriend's father he actually met alice cooper sick motherfucker he

He ate the bad heads.

Wait, I thought that was the other guy, though.

Ozzy.

Ozzy, too.

Ozzy did that, too.

But fucking Cooper did, too.

He's crazy, man.

Hello, thank you.

I got a beer for you.

Yeah, hi.

I was returning a call from Joey.

He's a bouncer there.

Security guy.

Give me one second to see if I can track him down.

All right.

The baby thing.

We did the baby thing.

He's fucking red.

I didn't hear about that, but I believe it.

I saw him in Wayne's World.

Oh, he was raunchy, dude.

He was, like, great.

Guitars and all that shit.

I mean, he's that genre, dude.

He's like king, man.

I mean, you know, I'm sure Braylon's good, too, because nowadays, back in the day, he'd

live on a scooper, in my opinion.

Alex Cooper's on a radio show.

He does, or he did?

Oh, he still is, yeah.

He's filming out in the...

West Coast?

KMO, let's see, somewhere out in Joplin, Mississippi.

Missouri.

Joplin, Missouri.

That's the radio show.

That's a K station in Missouri?

Alex Cooper night.

Yeah.

Well, K stations are west of the Mississippi, right?

Is that how it goes?

Right.

K less than Mississippi.

But then W.

W is for the east.

They're just random letters that they chose, I guess?

No, there's a name for it.

There's a station he works for, and he's got a radio station.

He's got a radio show called Alice Cooper Night.

It's like a music show.

It's pretty good, actually.

I used to listen to it.

I haven't done it for a while.

We're in here.

Yeah, with Alice Cooper, man.

Check him out, man.

He has a pretty good radio show.

Hey, Joey.

Hell yeah.

Is Joey here?

No, that was you.

We're in here for...

What are you going to say to Joey?

I don't know.

I'm just going to get him to curse me a little bit.

Oh, it's fucking you.

Tell him you're at the bar.

Tell him you're sitting at the bar.

Tell him I'm at the bar right now.

I'll tell him where we're sitting at, upstairs.

You got any bar sound effects?

Ah, yes, I do.

Good idea.

And we're waiting.

Ryan, it sounds pretty legit.

Hello.

Hey, Joey, I'm up here upstairs in front of the bar.

Joey.

Come on, Joey.

Nah, he knows.

He knows I should have had you talk to him.

Fuck.

Dang.

And I left him alone for a week.

I thought he'd come out of it.

No, he's like, fuck that guy.

If we ever meet up again and go back to that place,

we have to go back to that place.

Well, absolutely.

But I can't talk.

I'm going to have to be the laryngitis guy.

I have to go in with a scarf.

You guys are going to have to talk on my behalf, my orders.

Yeah, make sure you bring a drill with you, though.

Yeah.

Can you play a quick voicemail here?

Stand by, Ethan.

All right.

Nice to go.

Yeah, you know what?

They got to eat, too, I guess.

You know, better they're over there than here.

Hey, buddy, it's Buster.

I was just trying to call him live.

I don't know if this is the right spot, but anyways, listen to the show.

It's fun.

Yeah.

Shout out to Buster Casey.

All right.

Goddamn it.

I ordered a pill in the front room 10 minutes ago.

I like that.

Goddamn it.

I ordered a pill in the front room 10 minutes ago.

Let's call a hotel and just play that.

RBCP says Buster's never called his voicemail.

Aw.

That'll tell.

Yeah.

Come on, Buster.

Call Brad's voicemail, man.

Why are you like that?

Call the voicemail, man.

Man, come on, man.

You gotta call Brad's voicemail, man.

Looking for a hotel here.

What, uh, you see those numbers I sent you?

That weird, uh, the, uh, adult actress one?

Or actor, whatever, the porn guy?

And there was the, uh, people's court looking for couples.

Divorce quarters and shit.

divorce court you think they'll answer it this time though i have no idea there's two numbers

uh if i'm not mistaken one of them had two numbers one of us saw one in the landline i

can't remember if that was the form one or the uh i saw them come in i thought i copied them and i

may not have but i can copy them now for sure let's be the motherfuckers let's be fucking goofy

here thank you for calling the marino pepper mill this is glenn i'm a director call god damn it i

ordered pills to my room 10 minutes ago pardon me god damn it i ordered pills to my room 10

minutes ago. I'm not understanding what you're asking for, sir. This is the hotel operator.

God damn it, I ordered a pillow in the front room 10 minutes ago. I don't know what you're

saying, sir, except you ordered something, but I don't know what. God damn it, I ordered a pillow

in the front room 10 minutes ago. God damn it, I ordered a pillow in the front room 10 minutes ago.

God damn it, I ordered a pillow in the front room 10 minutes ago. God damn it, I ordered a pillow

in the front room 10 minutes ago. All right, so she kept playing it over and over again.

for like okay that was weird looking weird right a little avant-garde

you're a little low there ethan you're a little low on the my bad my bad after like the eighth

or ninth time you kept hitting uh the replay on that sound effect i could actually finally

make out that he said pillows pillows right yeah i guess it's kind of balls oh

Cows from our hotel.

Down first, non-smoking, non-gaming, independent hotel.

If you know your party's extension, you can dial it at any time.

Miss Beth, how can I help you?

I had it down.

I fucking...

I'm stupid, and I don't know when to hit the button right because I'm stupid.

I hate myself.

I'm going to cut myself now.

Don't say that.

Please hold.

That says it's the worst hotel in fucking Vegas.

My name is Beth.

How can I help you?

God damn it.

I ordered pillows for the room 10 minutes ago.

Can you hear the phone?

God damn it.

I ordered pillows for the room 10 minutes ago.

God damn it.

I ordered pillows for the room 10 minutes ago.

Hey, give me the phone.

Hello?

Oh, yeah.

We ordered pillows for the room, god damn it, 10 minutes ago.

Okay, room number.

God damn it.

I ordered pillows for the room 10 minutes ago.

That's my buddy.

You need to get the fucking pillows over here.

room 212 hurry up let's go god damn it yeah we need uh we need a couple ashtrays here because

we've been we've been ashing out into the like it's a cup that we have here like one of those

red solo cups okay so we don't have a room 212 uh is it 222 then no we don't have any numbers

that are 222 our rooms start at the fifth floor and also we have no smoking in our hotel so we

Well, the cup's smoking.

I'm not smoking.

The cup is.

Yeah, the cup is smoking.

There's a lot of smoke in here right now, actually.

I'm kind of worried about it.

Okay, so there is going to be about $150 for that added on to your room if we have smoking in there.

Oh, come on.

No, no, no, no, no.

They said tobacco-free.

We're not smoking tobacco.

It's not.

I'm not smoking.

The cup's smoking.

It's all smoking, sir.

Unfortunately, I would have to send security up.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm sorry.

Now the fucking alarm's going off.

Okay.

Shit.

All right.

Shit.

So, what was your room number?

Do we have to burn it off?

Wave the towel on it.

Oh, the blanket's on fire.

Shit, the blanket's on fire.

Ah, shit.

What's your room number, sir?

Give me the water.

Hang on, hang on.

I got it, I got it, I got it.

Thanks, fucker.

Thank you.

I'm going to take my dick out and piss on it.

Hit it, hit it.

Sir, what's your room number?

Don't worry about it.

No, it's burning still.

There, it's almost out.

I got it.

One more.

I got it.

Okay, okay, okay.

Thanks.

Thank you.

No, it's not.

There's nothing wrong.

It's okay, Tara.

It's okay.

We got it under control.

We got it.

We disconnected it.

No problem.

We got it.

It's all under control.

Hey, Cross, you got the fire alarm?

And what's your last name?

Huh?

My name?

What's your last name?

We're not on the lease.

What's your last name, though?

The last name on the room?

We don't know.

We just met him at the club.

Okay, what hotel are you at?

We were just partying in the room for a few minutes, and the cup was smoking when we got in here.

Yeah, we're at the...

Okay, so can you go outside and look at the room number so I can send them up to make sure that there's nothing wrong with the alarm?

Well, I don't want there to be any trouble.

There's too much smoke. I can't even see it.

Yeah, he said we could hang out in here.

He went to get some heroin, and we're going to play cards in here.

And we're not dressed either.

Yeah, we're not, yeah.

Okay, we need more information, unfortunately, so, because I need...

No, no, no, Courvoisier, he left some Courvoisier for it, okay?

Okay, can you look at the room number so I can have somebody go up and make sure that the alarm is set, is turned off?

Well, you said...

It's light bulb room.

Yeah, it's...

I need the room number, sir.

It's turned off, the light's flashing, but the alarm stopped, I hit it with the baseball bat.

Sir, I need...

I need to pull the wire out and stop making the noise.

It starts with five.

Okay, if you just step right outside and just let me know which room number it is.

We're all naked.

Why?

Are we in trouble?

No, because the person on the lease is going to be the one in trouble.

So I just need the room number, please.

God damn it.

It's a good thing he's a fake name.

Hey.

He's not here right now.

Well, in that case, hey, Ethan, grab that TV real quick.

All right.

You like that little chair that's in here, too?

You want the chair?

Yeah.

Throw the TV at the chair.

Okay.

All right.

You ready?

There we go milkman break that shit over there. Yeah

Yeah, motherfuckers!

Yeah!

I got to plug the bathtub up and put the water on a pool.

All right, shut off that fire alarm.

Put the water out of that thing.

Put the water out of the other one.

Put the fire alarm in the toilet.

There it goes.

That got it.

All right, we got it.

We got it.

Sir.

Yes, sir.

What room are you in?

We're in the fifth floor.

I know, but what room?

It starts with a five.

I don't know.

Look for the room with the water coming out the front door, motherfucker.

Yeah!

Hello?

Yeah, we're in the room with the water coming out the front door.

Yeah!

Woo-hoo!

Hey, um, what is...

Yeah, break that shit, Milkman.

Break it.

Yeah, fuck this room.

Hey, bring up your toilet, man.

We're not responsible.

Yeah.

Woo!

I got a submarine sandwich here.

Put it in the toilet.

Flush that- those sheets and that sandwich in the toilet.

Hey! Hey, sir?

Yeah?

Hey, I'm- I'm-

Okay, look, I'm gonna wipe my ass on this one.

We don't have to pay, we're not-

Hey, sir?

Yeah, we're not responsible.

Uh-oh.

Hey, look at this. If I wear this thing like a diaper, what do you think?

Uh...

Hello?

Well, no, I think it does sound a little funny.

Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

This room is fucked.

I'm glad I don't have to pay for this.

Yeah, it's fine.

All right, give me some more.

Yeah, all right, we're going to head out, lady.

Thanks for your help.

Thanks for the suggestion.

Hey, the crevasse is all gone now.

You can have the rest.

All right.

Hello?

Yeah.

Hello?

Who's that?

Hello?

Hey, that's our party girl.

She's coming up.

Yeah.

Are you coming up, Eric?

We want to help this girl.

Help this girl.

We're headed out now.

Don't worry about it.

You'll find it.

Look for the room with the water coming out the front.

Yeah, and all the ferns are smashed, too.

Slip and slide, honey.

Yeah, all right.

It's like a river.

Don't slip when you slide.

Yeah, you're going to have to fix all this carpet and everything now.

Yeah, and if you find a bowl, it's not mine.

Yeah.

All right.

It's a garden party.

Nope, milkman, did you forget your bong?

We're going to let you go.

Oh, hell no.

We got to have a bong.

The bong's in a thousand pieces.

There, they hung up.

We're destroying the rooms.

Get in there.

They're going to break my bong now, dang.

That was a lot of fun.

All right.

Yeah, thanks, man.

Yeah.

Have a good night, you guys.

All right, Ethan.

Nathan, I'll call your numbers, hopefully.

Yeah, we should, because I'm on for another hour.

So, yeah, motherfucker.

Yeah, give me a call.

All right.

All right, big E.

All right.

See you later, boo.

Later, man.

Hey, peace, buddy.

We got to break some more hotel rooms up, motherfucker.

9 noon, dude.

That place got out of hand.

That party got out of hand, brother.

Oh, man.

It's not like a bunch of people.

They were really, really upset.

They stayed on the line for at least 10 minutes trying to get a number out of it.

um uh yeah yeah ethan's line is open to 405-396-6884 i'm just gonna say please read out

the number because then that way we'll get people calling in i'm sure people are saying

what's the fucking number yeah 405-39 mouth that's 405-396-6884 here's a caller right now

39 mouth 39 hi thanks for calling and i'm carlino please be a friend hey fuck you motherfucker oh

Oh, no.

Hey, what's up, Brad?

What's up, Brad?

Yeah, Brad.

Hey, what's up, kiddie?

Brad Carter, a host

of Family Time Prank Calls.

Great show, man.

Good work.

Old Cactus Head and Sal.

FamilyTimePrankCalls.com.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, what happened with Mr. Doppelina's

free Crazy House of Prank Calls?

Did that project,

are you still updating that?

I don't think I've seen that

actually I put a new one up

it's been like two months and I put one up

like yesterday or the day before

oh I see I have not looked at Pocket Cast lately

so I wouldn't know so there you go

I just didn't leave

yeah it's alright

I don't think anyone listens to it

hey why don't you tell Mr. Biggs to hang out with me

and listen to my show

he doesn't ever interact with me

and I'm a big fan I've heard all those episodes

shows except i haven't heard the adhesive ones are they any good the new adhesive ones

i heard all the old stuff the i like i like the characters yeah it's awesome to me but like they

don't do the ingenious phone stuff that they did in the old show oh my god yeah when he cut it like

art bell and uh uh the dr what was that dr ruth i think a lot of them were dr ruth calls also he

had one more like this old lady was like i've just been so so stressed out i've been masturbating

I was like, what the fuck?

What are you talking about?

I don't remember that one.

I've got to listen to all those again.

It's been a few years.

It's good stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I binge listened to those once, one year.

Like he wants to do a call-in show.

Thank you for calling the South Virginia Home Depot.

For store hours and directions, press 1.

Sorry, that was loud.

That was loud.

Attention of the person you are trying to reach, press 2.

To speak to an associate in one of our store departments, press 3.

If for kitchen and bathroom design, press 1.

The number you dialed is currently not available.

I'm going to make someone cry.

Yeah.

Hey, by the way, Dwight had the same video.

Kitchen design, this is Scratchen.

How can I help you?

Yeah, hi.

We're over here and we're breaking stuff.

Yeah.

Break that shit.

Do you have any replacement light fixtures for the break-in?

Yeah, there's a lot of glass here.

Hey, quit throwing our shit at me.

Hello?

How much is the replacement, ma'am?

What was that?

You heard me.

No, I did not.

We're breaking the glass.

Don't give a shit.

That's not even fun.

That's why I wasn't invited.

Oh, you want to let your aggression out?

I want this.

You want to let your aggression out?

Yeah.

I told you, look at this.

Ma'am?

Uh-huh?

What can I say to you to make you cry?

Because Buster Casey wants me to make a woman cry tonight.

Who does?

Buster Casey, my BFF.

Okay.

I mean, that sounds kind of mean, but...

Yeah, but, you know, we're shitty people.

I have an idea.

Hey, ma'am, how tall are you?

Not very.

Are you, what are you, like 5'3", 5'4"?

No, taller than that.

Like 5'6", 5'7"?

No.

5'9"?

Oh, she's short.

Negative.

We have 5'9", with six-inch heels, maybe.

5'5"?

Are you fat?

How fat are you?

That's rude.

How much do you weigh, like 180, and you're 5'5"?

Definitely not answering, Matt.

Yeah, you probably...

How fat are you?

You could lose a few pounds, probably, right?

Especially at your height.

I don't know, you probably could too

Yeah, but I'm not a woman

I can get away with it

Not at all

It's a man's world, I could be fat as fuck

And I'll still find something out there

Good try though

You bitches are a dime a dozen, fat girls

On a scale of 1 to 10, how much are you crying right now?

Not at all

Oh, you're upset though, you're upset

You're thinking about it

Not even a little bit

Are you going to go home and eat a can of frosting, be honest?

No, I don't have frosting at home

Not yet, you're going to stop on the way

Alright, cool, good deal

Don't get the sugar free stuff

Because it's just going to give you diarrhea

Yeah, fuck that

Yeah, get the real stuff

Don't eat the real stuff when I cry

Alright

And Oreos, I like to

When I want to have a cry, I like to dip Oreos in peanut butter

When's the last time you cried, ma'am?

No clue

Can you transfer us to

to a man department.

Meem.

Let's break some more shit.

I'm going to let you

go, Shakey.

I want to talk

to your supervisor.

I want to talk

to your supervisor now.

We're going to get you fired.

Then you'll cry.

Good luck with that.

Yeah, good luck with that.

You're fucking the boss.

It's not going to happen.

Is that what you're saying?

No, my boss is gay.

It's not going to happen.

Your boss is gay?

For sure.

Okay.

Well, you know.

How did you know that?

That's why he's awesome.

Because she tried.

She tried, right?

She wanted a promotion.

Are you crying?

I'm giving another cup.

All right.

I think our job is done here with you.

We're going to, if you want to hold, we're going to call another department, okay?

Can you pretend to cry?

No.

Please.

Come on.

Pretend.

Pretend for us.

Just cry a little bit.

Thank you for calling the South Virginia Home Depot.

For store hours and directions, press 1.

Thank you for calling.

This is Jasmine in hardware.

Oh, a woman in hardware?

Yes, I am a woman.

Oh, that's unfortunate that you have that disability.

Is there a man I can talk to?

I think it's good that they let a disabled you with your disability answer the phone and play with the toys, you know?

Sure, they're toys for men, actually.

Okay.

Exactly.

Did you still want me to transfer you to a manager?

Yeah.

Oh, that's so cute.

Yeah, sure.

Hey, Jasmine's a stripper name.

Did you know that?

What's up with that?

I did know that.

Thank you.

Have a great day, sir.

All right.

Are you going to chat for us?

She's going to cry.

We want to talk to a Womanger, not a manager.

A Womanager.

A Womanger.

Womanger.

Thank you for calling the West Virginia Home Depot.

I'm sorry, but you have selected an invalid option.

To repeat the menu, press 9.

I think it's fine.

I don't know what option I hit, guys.

We're fine.

uh uh brad i noticed that dwight had the same audio level that you did last week and right now

so maybe it's on my end why do i do i sound really bad you sound like you're on the pick

it might be my codex it might be my code i'm on my microphone thing you know i'm on the video

he sounds good dude actually i mean he's very intelligible i don't know i mean what are you

hearing yeah it's fine to me i don't know what option your audio level is not hot

hot is very normal you're not hot no friend you're not hot you don't need to

fire once tonight so i don't give a shit now i'm on free time now hey brad i'm not getting

paid now brad i got one for you this is carter brothers ace hardware oh they're closed never

mind dang it oh poop all right sorry i had y'all excited there for a second i don't think i would

to be able to get an id stolen yeah again that was just like what the hell was that

i think that guy was messing with us i don't know i could hear the guy at one point in the

background like giggling like oh you're leaving with my badge oh i know it just didn't make

sense like why'd that happen yeah i don't know let me get to ethan numbers here uh ethan sent

some numbers i thought i had copied them but apparently i didn't uh somewhere out there is

a voicemail from dialer and dialer wanted to join us old dialer good old dialer that was a funny

dude uh like when when is the last time you heard from the dead i just remember you like three years

ago and i haven't heard from him since uh dude when was the last time i heard from him let's see

he probably left me a voicemail at some point talking some crazy shit it was it's been a few

months it was when he we talked a bit when he got that airline job and i want to say that was

was like around may and it lasted like three weeks he said that he wasn't fast enough or

i don't know what they were getting at but all right because look fucking the dead got the job

right and he's bragging to me the whole time i can fly wherever i want now i can fly for free

and he had like it was he he got his job and he took a he took a free flight to miami to chicago

from Iowa to Chicago right

he went to New Orleans

and he went somewhere

yeah he was flying more

and then they let him go and I think

this is like dude you're abusing the fucking

system bye thanks

I felt bad for him

he was so excited

he even got like a bank account

with a credit union the day before they let him

go he was

yeah

poor dumb guy

that was this year

That was this year?

Well, they probably figured out his travel bill was higher than what they were actually paying.

As a matter of fact, it was June.

It was when I went to New York City.

That was in June, late June.

So it's been about June, July, August.

It's been about a month and a half, two months since I've talked to him.

He's all right.

Oh, Lord, mercy.

Yeah.

We're looking for Dieters.

Is he still living out there in Illinois or where?

Yeah, he's still out there in Illinois.

This is a car for sale, Brad.

Brad, if you want to do a prank, you let me know.

This is a 98 BM.

Is he still married?

That's the last I've ever heard.

Is he still married?

He won't give me a straight answer.

She doesn't live with him.

Oh.

He really likes him.

Oh, she don't live with him?

Ooh, that's not good.

He had a little bit of a...

He loves bragging about his wife.

Yeah.

He had a little bit of the drinky, drinky, slappy, slappy role.

Oh, I don't know.

Something about...

That was always a questionable downfall of his.

Apparently it didn't matter.

That's too bad to hear, man.

I'm not kidding, but he said that he blacked out and didn't remember what he did and she said

Oh, fuck, dude, he's been doing that for years

I mean, he would fucking call me up, dude, and said, oh, yeah, I drank two fifths last night

You know, I spent like $3,000, and I'm like, dude, I said, why in the fuck would you do that?

And now, what, tipping, tipping like strippers, $3,000 tipping

Look, loan me $1,000 in that fucking money, dude, I'll give it back to you

you and you'll have the money later dude but you do the strippers you ain't gonna have nothing

you ain't gonna get your dick sucked milkman will suck your dick man i ain't gonna do that i said

the strippers can but at least you'll get your money back hello hello yeah you have a chrysler

newport high performance 6.3 va engine yeah all right i'm gonna put through my associate he's

looking to buy that for the fleet there you go hey there this is mr carter from from brad and

associates. Okay. How much would it be? How much is the car? You should be adding up. What? Have

you read the ad? No, don't be a smart ass. Just tell me how much the stupid car is. I'm not being

a smart ass. I'm just asking a question. Well, okay. I don't know how much it is. That's why

I'm asking. Are you raising it just because you don't like my attitude? That's not how you sell

a car. So, so you, so that's, that's what I'm saying. So you read the ad then. So you know

I didn't read the ad.

I was transferred over, you fucking idiot.

All right, all right, all right.

Just find another car, all right?

Bye.

Now you're trying to raise the price?

You know it's not worth that.

69, that's a classic car, man.

I'll call him back.

Let me see if I can talk to him.

That guy was unfriendly.

He didn't want to sell his car.

That's a big jerk.

Read the ad, eh?

He gave for it first.

Like, oh, you're wasting my time.

You sound like a bluffer.

That's a good job, man.

Yeah, this is Ray from Ray's Construction.

construction i am unavailable at the moment i am unavailable at the moment i sound like a dick

because i have one yeah junk garbage rubbish what the fuck junk garbage rubbish it's hard to say

disposal hauling clean out okay all right uh brad stay out for this one you guys listen listen

this is what these out here these mexican guys get these fucking old ass trucks and they take

He's like four by eight sheets of plywood and like little rickety like two before them put up

What I feds on these things are so fucking dangerous

Like the time I was driving my taxi back in the old days. I think was

2011 I saw like five of these fucking hot water tanks that fell off one of these women's things to give away and kill these

people on the

Yeah

We gave away the wood gave away

way, dude. There was like piles of them

all down the road. This car looked like a

triangle. Looked flat.

The whole fucking hood and everything. I knew it was a fatality,

dude. It was completely flat.

You get what you pay for. You want cheap labor

in this country? That's what you get. Brad Carter's

a big proponent of that wall.

I bring that up because you can fuck with them about their

shit. Tell them you saw their truck or whatever.

Shit's falling apart. You're going to report

them to the I.I.T.S. or...

I don't know.

I'm back. I'm back. I hear you.

Well, they are dangerous. You don't have to do the I.I.T.S.

Mexicas are dangerous.

They're rapists.

They're killers.

Some of them, I presume, are good.

...forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Talking about KKK.

Fucking Athena's crazy.

She's like, hey, you want to go counter-protest the anniversary of the Charlottesville, the

bigger one in D.C. tomorrow?

Are you fucking crazy?

I can't fucking run away from fucking tear gas and get run over by a fucking angry person.

You gotta tell her one thing.

Do you want people to know what your

problem is? They will be filming

the crowd. If anybody shows up, that's

the problem. Do you want them to know who you

are? Oh, okay. It's a free

country. You gotta wear your anonymous mask.

My anonymous mask, my Guy

Fox mask. These white motherfucking

Nazis may not agree with your idea.

That's the problem. Yeah.

I'm hoping that one of these fringe

I'm all for fucking protesting, brother.

And I've thought about it. Because, dude, I'm right here

in the center of all these big protests, man.

And I'm like, like, five out of 100.

I'm afraid.

You guys invented protests.

What if I go there, one of them fucking, they recognize you later on,

and they want to come fuck with you, right?

So then what are you going to fucking do?

I don't know, man, right?

Yeah, fucking, yeah, we're losing it.

Because it's private, right?

So, like, what are you supposed to do?

How are you going to go to the pig?

You know, like, what the fuck are you going to do?

Well, anyway, what I was trying to say is I'm looking for the fringe group

that adopts that horse mask that's going around everywhere as their, you know,

their guy fox mask.

Then I'm on top.

Then I'm going to be protesting, but I'm not going to be out there.

I'm all for the horsey cat protest.

If you want to protest about the horsey cat, the poor sales of the horsey cat, I'm all for it, buddy.

I'm not about walking around.

Be the one that starts the horse mask.

There you go, the horse mask protest.

Go down to my city council in a horse mask and be very rude and ignorant about the situation.

Yeah, dude, if I can protest sitting down or something,

like that lunch counter shit back in the 50s and 60s,

I would have been all with Dr. King on that.

Like, hell yeah, if you want me to protest by sitting down at this lunch counter

and drinking some coffee, fuck yeah, I'll be right there.

Yeah, no, it wasn't that easy, actually.

I don't think they were served the coffee in a cup, if you know what I mean.

A lot of dumbasses in town, man.

And how stupid, we're going to go out with tiki torches.

Like, put some work into it, man.

Like, make a torch.

Fucking T.

I'm going to go out and buy this Citronella tiki torch at Home Depot.

Walmart, dude.

It's not made in America.

Dollar store.

Walmart, it's not made in America.

Remember that?

Made in America.

That's how they got it in everybody's purse.

Made in America.

What's wrong with you?

Got me down.

If you're calling requesting moving labor, leave a message.

I'll be right back.

No, you won't, asshole.

Yeah.

All right, Brad, my friend.

Piece of fucking shit fell off of that pile of shit you drive down the road.

Thanks for calling in.

No, you're not.

Just to open the line.

I have to open the line.

I'm hanging up on you.

Aw.

Good night, Brad.

We got the client.

Bye.

See you, Brad.

All right.

His line is now open.

Thanks for calling in, Brad.

405-396-6884.

That line is now open.

We got about another 38 minutes of show hell.

Oh, boy.

Purple Cadillac, my friend.

Purple Cadillac.

Oh, I've got to load the OG Cush myself.

I need this.

Yeah, dude.

Here's a caller.

Let's see if I can con this caller into doing a call for me so I can do that.

Caller, you're on the air.

Thank you.

Thank you for calling.

Please don't be rude.

Hello.

Don't be a hater.

Hello.

I bring greetings to everyone listening to the Lito Show.

This is Brooklyn Cell.

Except for Brad.

Is that Brooklyn Cell?

Yes.

That's what I called you.

Who's that?

Brooklyn Cell.

The Brooklyn Cell, man.

Do you remember the Brooklyn Cell?

Oh, I thought that was Dieter's.

It sounded like Didi.

No, no, no.

It's not Dieter's, is it?

Yeah.

So, Brooklyn, what's up?

You were saying you don't like Brad, you said?

You don't like the guy?

Yeah, because he's trying to ruin my prankster reputation.

Oh, well, that's fucked up.

Don't do that.

Did he do something to you on the show?

Did he call you out or something?

Or are you just saying nothing?

Yeah.

Don't you remember last time on your show, he called me out?

Like, he said I'm a terrorist or something.

Oh, did he?

Okay, well, that's not acceptable.

That's all right.

We have no proof of that.

I know, then again, I am calling you the Brooklyn Cell.

Do you know where that comes from?

Brooklyn Cell, and after 9-11, there was a quote-unquote Brooklyn Cell that got busted,

and that's why I call you Brooklyn Cell.

I thought it was funny, but it's not too funny.

Okay.

I didn't get the...

You should use that.

You should, Brooklyn, you should use that to your advantage.

No, don't, don't.

That's a funny point.

No, not the terrorist thing.

Not the terrorist thing.

his accent and such

I'll find something else for you

don't worry

if you think it's funny

go

whatever

but

you want to say your name is

I'm talking about

the terrorist angle

I'm talking about

his voice

he's got a funny voice

he's got a unique voice

yeah

he could be

a different cause

if this is

inappropriate

you don't have to answer

tell me

and I will sit in my place

but look

I'm going to guess

Lebanese

no

no I don't think so

no

what

no

you're not Lebanese

no

No?

Was I off there?

No?

No, no.

I'm not leaving here.

Okay.

All right.

Saudi?

No?

Not Saudi.

No.

Come on.

Let's get it.

It's not Qatari because you'd have a lot of money.

You wouldn't be listening to the show, obviously.

Yeah.

And I would be on your Patreon list, and I'm not, so.

Oh, okay.

Right, right.

Yes.

All right.

You don't have to tell us.

I was just joking around.

I know that's fine.

It doesn't matter, man.

It doesn't matter.

You know what?

Because he has like an Arabic or Middle Eastern voice, which would be fun.

You could use that to your advantage.

Or maybe North African, and that's cool, too.

Yeah, somewhere in that area.

We're all brothers, man.

We coexist.

And you know what?

I love you guys' food.

I'll tell you that much.

I love hummus.

I love samosas.

All that stuff.

So there we go.

Yeah.

But hummus makes you fart, too.

I love Papa John.

I don't know about that.

It does.

Hey, do you eat your hummus stuffed with meat?

Because this Egyptian dude that I was friends with, he used to make hummus,

and he always ate it stuffed with beef.

I don't know if that's his...

I don't eat almost, actually.

I don't know.

I wouldn't...

All right, I'm sorry.

I don't eat plantains, so I understand.

Okay, all right.

I'll get off this...

You want to do a call?

Yeah, yeah, we're doing...

We're a cheap moving labor.

Let's see if they answer here this time.

If not, we have a room for rent

that you and I can share, you know?

I was thinking, like,

maybe some, like, stuck-in and elevator hotel.

okay i can get some elevators in the hotel don't worry yeah no problem like we would be like stuck

together hello yeah hi how you doing hey how's it going hey good brother i saw that you have that

uh cheap moving labor for hire yeah do you need um services or yeah oh okay okay um where are you

located uh i've been the area in the local area i've been brooklyn actually oh okay okay all right

Now, we provide labor only, no truck.

Is that what you mean?

Yeah, no.

Well, yeah, we just basically, I just need you to move a large coffin.

Oh, a large what?

A coffin.

A coffin?

Is somebody in it?

Yeah, yeah, my friend's going to be in it.

He's here on the phone if you have any questions about that.

Wait a minute.

Your friend's going to be in the coffin?

Yeah, it's a thing we do.

It's like, you know, we put...

Yeah, I will be in next week.

So, like, it's...

Hold on, how can he talk to you if he's dead?

He's not dead?

No, he's not dead.

It's just like a joke thing.

We put him in the coffin.

No, no.

Basically, I would be dead.

Now I'm not dead, but I would be dead.

Yeah, he'll be dead.

Wait a minute.

Dexter told me I would have one day or two.

He lost the will to live, understand?

Wait, wait, what are you guys doing?

What is this?

Is this some kind of a joke?

Kevorkian

Jack Kevorkian

he

he said

he wrote

he wrote down a paper

that he's willing for me

to help him

to move on

to the next phase

so I'm going to

help him out

that's all

he's paying me money

oh okay

I don't know if I can help you guys

I can't do that

it's all legal

it's all

he has the paper

right here

he just signed the paper

I'm good man

I'm a good guy

alright you guys have a good night

alright look

the truth is

I drugged him

alright the truth is

I drugged him

And I injected chlorinated water in his head, and he's doing whatever I say right now, okay?

It's a roofie.

All right.

It's a roofie.

I gave this guy a roofie.

I don't want to move him.

All right, Brooklyn.

Brooklyn, Sal, you moved in pretty well with that.

A very good call, Brooklyn.

So I am quickly getting you a hotel.

I'll say hotel.

We're going to be stuck together, you said.

you want to be in the hotel with me yeah yeah yeah yeah all right okay now i don't think i can

get you an echo so we're just gonna pretend you have an echo work it out hotel okay hotel

like keyboard recuperate do do do do do do do do do do do do so what uh let me ask you just

question here what are you more what would you be happier with a thursday night show or a friday

night show does it matter to you at all or wednesday night or wednesday night yeah like

Basically, I heard what you both guys said, and I suggested the Saturday, but the Saturday seems to be not working out for Milkman.

Well, no.

Plus, I mean, Dwight's already on.

I don't want to take his night.

I'd have to do it earlier, but no, I don't want to do that.

For me, I don't care.

It could be any day.

I would just feel this.

You'd be all right with that.

Yeah.

I got you.

I mean, Milkman, we could do it Saturday morning or afternoon, maybe.

Maybe, yeah, it doesn't feel like a madhouse when we do that.

You know, I like the daytime shows that I've done.

They're always fun.

But, you know, it's something cool about like a Thursday night when we hang out.

You know what?

Fuck it.

I just won't do the, who am I kidding, you know?

Look, look, why don't you do it like this?

Here, why don't you do this?

Why don't you set one week out of the month that you'll do a Wednesday show?

The rest of the night you'll do a regular show.

Then that gives you the choice.

If you want to do something on Thursday, jack off, use your PJ, go out to the club and do

a stand up or go out with a fiend or just go home and go to sleep.

You can do it.

No one's going to know the difference.

Why do I have to jack off?

What was the first thing you thought of was me masturbating?

Because you're always full of shit, dude.

That has nothing to do.

That doesn't do anything.

I just want to be.

I just like to give you crap.

I want to be the new Seinfeld, man.

That's all.

The new Seinfeld.

All right, dude.

So, like, you're a king, you're a king of your own domain, right?

Yeah.

All right.

All right, Brooklyn Cell, we're stuck in the elevator.

Here we go.

Do you want to start it off?

He kind of reminds me of Dee Dee.

I love his voice.

He reminds me of Dee Dee a little bit.

This is Patricia.

How may I assist you?

Hello, madam.

Can you hear me?

Yes, I can hear you.

I have a big problem right now, actually, because I'm in your elevator,

and actually I'm with my brother, and he's basically sick.

Like, he got some health issues, so when he's, like, stuck in some place, like, he can kick stuff, he can do, like, bad stuff.

So, basically, I need help to get out of the elevator.

Can you please help me?

Okay.

Hold on.

I'll be right over there.

Are you on the first floor?

Brad, Brad, calm down.

The door won't open.

The doors won't open.

The elevator?

I'm on the phone.

Wait, madam, can you please wait?

Make it open.

I'm on the phone with the lady.

She will help us, okay?

Damn it.

All right.

I think he's going crazy right now.

Okay, calm down.

Alrighty, I'll send someone over right away.

Madam, can you hear me?

Hold on, I'll send someone over right away.

Madam, he's trying to get up in the elevator and goes out.

I don't know what he's doing.

Wait, Brad.

Okay, hold on, I'll send him.

Calm down.

Wait, wait, madam.

He needs to calm down.

He's trying to escape from the upper side of the thing.

Brad, stop it.

A little scared.

Is she there?

I said to get...

What floor are you on?

Get down, madam!

I'm on top of the...

I'm getting on top of the elevator.

I can't do this.

No, don't do it.

You're gonna get hurt.

Madam, hello, can you help us?

Like, it's not working.

I'm pushing, like, the SOS button, but it's not working.

All right, hold on.

I'll be right...

My God.

We're on a hold.

I'll call a different place.

Oh, we went on a hold.

I haven't advised on being too loud, so...

Well, is that how my character calls?

I'm stuck in the elevator.

We're stuck in the elevator.

All right, I've sent the manager to the elevator.

Get the fuck out of the elevator, motherfucker, you.

Excuse me, madam, but, like, don't listen, like, because he's a bit, like, sick.

He can't, like, stand when he's, like, locked up.

You motherfucker.

You can't stand the situation.

I've sent the manager to help you.

He says shit.

Yeah, but now we have a problem because, like, he went up and he's actually, like,

Like, we are seeing, like, the cables and some stuff, so, like, it's crazy.

Like, now he's up in the...

No, don't pick that.

I'm going to push the button here to make it go.

No, no, no.

To the east or to the west?

No, I guess it would be to the west.

To the west, the west.

Yeah.

Brad, can you see something up there?

Are you at the...

What hotel are you at?

hello what are you seeing like up there what do you see hello there's a lot of

cables up here okay you're not in my elevator what hotel are you at i'm on top of the elevator

no you're at the top of the elevator yeah he can see what are you doing on top of the elevator

The elevator, it wasn't going.

Do you see the casino?

Dude, there's no casino here.

No, there's no casino here.

He doesn't know.

I, I, I, look.

What hotel are you at?

Hello?

Yeah, hello?

Hello?

Isn't it like the Milkman Hotel in, uh...

The what?

It's the...

The Milkman Hotel?

No.

No, this is, this is not.

Yeah, that's where I'm calling from.

Let me...

What hotel?

Really?

Yeah, I called my brother on my cell phone.

What are you doing on top of the elevator?

The elevator wasn't moving, so I came up here to try to fix it,

and now I'm just scared to come down.

I don't know how to come down.

Okay, because both my elevators are running.

Well, I know that, yeah.

I'm just here. I mean, it's fine.

It's kind of dirty.

There's a few, like, dead animals up here, like cockroaches and stuff.

Come on.

What elevator are you on?

I don't know.

I'm not familiar.

It's moving again.

Shit.

Last time I got really close.

What color are you at?

Huh?

It's like the car.

What is it called?

Oh, it starts with a C.

Okay.

And why did you get on top of the elevator?

Because it wasn't going.

So I went up here and I started...

I called my brother.

He's an elevator technician for Otis Company.

And he told me what the cable was this place and it started working again.

But now I'm afraid to come down.

Okay.

And so do you have any idea of which floor you're at?

like um is it like near the top or do you think you went down

calm down calm down bro all right okay do you know if the elevator is like try to breathe

like slowly try to breathe slowly like to save like your accident

hello madam can you hear me yes i can hear you go ahead basically he can die right now and i told

I told you, like, he have a problem when he's locked, like, he do crazy stuff.

So, no, no.

What is your name?

Sorry, ma'am?

What is your name?

Brian.

Hello?

Huh?

Brian.

So, you're Brian, and what's your...

Yeah, and his name is Brad.

Yeah, and basically, he called me, like, from the elevator, and I'm trying to help him.

So, where are you, Brian?

Well, me, I'm in the Milkman's Hotel, and I'm trying to get him out of there, yeah.

Get me out.

Do you know the Milkman Hotel?

Do you know it?

Which hotel?

The Milkman Hotel facility.

The Milkman Hotel?

Yeah.

Can I smoke up here?

They got a casino, basically.

They got a casino in the Milkman Hotel.

Brian, what city are you in?

Brad.

This woman is stupid.

Stupid.

All right.

Yeah, I think.

We told you that, but you seem to be fucking stupid.

Brian, what hotel is Brad in?

It starts with a C.

Brad is in the hotel, I believe.

It starts with a C.

All righty.

Did you get maintenance or someone to help him?

Yeah, I've sent someone there, and they said to maybe keep talking to you while they work on the problem.

So they're there on site working on it.

I'm really scared like he would die because basically he's up the elevator.

And the gentleman, like your colleague, said it's working.

So if it's working and he's up, like he can die, right?

What is Brad's last name?

because if I have his last name I can look him up on the computer and know

what floor he's on. Brian could you tell me Brad's last name? I don't know

his last name because like he's half my brother so I don't know so like he's my

like he's my brother but we don't have the same dad. Say what? I didn't say

anything so it must be something on the intercom there.

Yo, Brad. Brad, can you please get down?

Asshole.

Brad, do you hear me?

Yeah.

Can you get down?

Hey, alright.

Can you get down?

I'm going to come down because this is dangerous.

Okay, come down and calm down and try to push the SOS button. There is always an SOS button.

Okay, but she said that she doesn't understand. I think she's stupid. She has a disability out there.

Give me a second. I want to jump down.

Madam, hello?

I have to crank it to get down.

Hello, madam. Can you hear me?

Yeah.

Can we speak to, like, the man in charge there?

Yeah.

Like, the man in charge of the maintenance or stuff like that?

All right, I'm down.

He's trying to help you.

He's at the elevator right now.

Oh, here he comes.

Here you go.

Okay, so you say you're at the, right?

Well, he is.

I'm not.

Yeah, he is.

Are you sure?

Because I'm calling the police right now.

So if it's a false alarm, I mean, I want to help you, but, you know, if this is a false alarm or a prank.

No, no, it's not, sir.

It's not.

I just don't understand what you're doing on top of my elevator.

It starts with a C.

There's no way for you to get on top of it.

It starts with a C.

What starts with a C?

The name.

The name of what?

You know, the machine.

The building machine.

Building machine.

Okay.

Well, I'm going to call the cops.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, I'm calling the cops right now.

So they're on their way.

I don't give you permission, motherfucker.

I'm not in your hotel.

Uh-oh.

All right, my bad.

All right.

I had a chance to step out of it.

let me try to call back real quick

what the fuck are you talking about

I should try

hello

yeah I'm not there at the hotel

I'm in a different hotel

and I'm not in the elevator

we're just making a practical joke

ha ha ha ha ha

sorry madam you just got butt slammed

yeah you just got butt slammed

that's all

oh boy alright well this will be the last

madhouse raid this will solve our stand up comedy

problem eh milkman

man.

Now we don't

have to worry

about that.

I think that

right there was

a good taste

of stand-up

comedy.

Yeah.

Standing up

on top of

the elevator.

I'm still

standing here,

man.

I'm still

standing here.

It was a

good call,

though.

I mean,

the ending

wasn't as

pleasant,

but actually

the body

of the call

was actually

funny,

man.

Body.

You know,

just where

goes the

end,

just like

fade down.

That's another

good name for

you.

You got the

whole time,

big man.

So,

yeah.

All right,

Brooklyn.

Brooklyn, all right, big guy.

Thanks for being on.

That was fun.

You did well.

That's funny, Brooklyn.

Peace out, brother.

Have a good week.

See you there, buddy.

Yeah.

Use your advantages.

Take that.

Take that, Brad.

Yeah, Brad Carter.

All right.

Take that.

Use your advantages.

See, that was good, man.

Kissing all over my penis, all over the shaft.

That's how I like my blowjobs to start off.

All right.

Good call, man.

That's something different.

Kiss and lick the shaft before you start sucking my dick, ladies.

just so you know when we have our next meetup.

All right.

We have a whole ton of, see, yeah, we have a whole ton of voicemails.

Yeah, we're going to have to do a show where we just literally let people say one thing and get out.

Here's a few.

Do a hit and run, okay?

That's what they call a hit and run, where you get to say one thing, and then that's it,

and then boom, you know, like one quick phrase, you know, that's it.

Yeah.

All right, let's play a few voicemails here before we wrap it up.

We're about 15 minutes away.

way let's play some voicemails here for the good folks who've been leaving them that's huey from

australia um just trying to call and say hey you have to get my prank uh i sent you a message on

facebook i think on facebook machine or carlito horse or something that's not me i couldn't find

madhouse live like you there so madhouse.live carlito cross madhouse.live on facebook yeah

out see if you can find it thank you bye all right next thanks australia for calling in

hey it's australia man hey there front reception hey it's it's matt hillock that one they thought

it was me was not me oh my bad sorry matt in your voicemail right now you should pick up the line

buddy watching your life cheers you all right my my friend matt hillock yeah he's

yeah my bad i'm trying to get to them as i can buddy i'm trying it's it gets

popular show i gotta stop saying that let's see what this is yo carlito been listening to your

show for a long time i used to tune in all the time when i was doing uh you know what let me

interrupt this real quick you know what this reminds me of milkman you like click and clack

right you remember click and clack that show where you were yeah yeah to call in the show

you have to leave a voicemail first and then they play the voicemail then they call you back

about your fucking car problem.

They screen everyone.

I'm totally not doing that on purpose.

Yeah, yeah, it was great.

They were the Clackett brothers.

Clackett brothers?

Clackett's right.

Yeah, yeah, the car brothers or whatever.

Yeah, so, I mean, it literally is, I mean, I'm trying to...

One of them died, so I think the show went off the air finally.

That was an NPR show, right?

Yeah, all inspections, because I just listen to them while I'm working.

The guys always put me in a great mood for work days.

Even the shittiest days were awesome.

Vehicle inspections have got to be stressful.

people like oh man come on listening to you and milkman and that cool music you guys always have

in the background man it's always fitting my style which is kind of a weird style of music

but you guys kind of get it anyway keep up the good shit milkman i love you bro for whatever

reason man i feel like we know each other somehow but yeah keep it real look man don't listen to

these haters yeah there you go milkman you guys probably met a lucid dream that's probably where

oh wow

you should see my wife

she's fucking hot

I got a new job at the street bar

the dead

and she's fucking there too

her titties that you're doing

I think that was someone doing a the dead imitation

not bad not bad that was funny

alright let's

oh I couldn't get it it was literally just broken up

I didn't catch it sorry

good effort good effort

few more here

wow that's minus one left one

Yeah, we tried.

He didn't want to talk to me.

He heard my voice and clicked right away.

Oh, he got nervous.

Yeah.

Stage fright.

Anyway, my chicken machine broke and the glass would break and my chicken was eaten.

I hope my chicken doesn't get sick.

Oh, me too, man.

machines yeah i'm gonna take her down to the walmart anyways all right bro one two three

bye bye all right man yeah don't feed your glass chicken to your glass glass to your chicken

either way don't do it it's a great show man i'm happy i finally got to catch one of your shows

live yeah i was hoping to get through but sorry man take it easy bro all right thank you all

right here's another one this is the last one here you rock carlito oh thank you i rock thank

Thank you for saying that wrong.

I didn't get to hear

fucking Dialer's

maybe we'll have Dialer on

as a special guest next week. We'll let him

hang out with us for a while. I know you like

Dialer. Dialer cracked you up that prank skit.

Yeah, he's cool, dude. Dialer's cool people.

And people are like, see, nobody

talked over tonight and look how cool it was.

It was peaceful tonight. We're not very peaceful.

Yeah, I just feel bad Dwight didn't get to do a

prank, you know?

Yeah, but that wasn't me.

That was all because we ran out of time.

That's the only reason.

Yeah, I just feel bad.

I don't want to, you know, Dwight always has me on his show.

Well, next time we'll make sure you get the fucking call in.

Dwight always has me on his show.

He's always good people to me.

I know.

Well, next time we'll make sure you get the call in.

I got a lot of love for Dwight.

He's a good friend of mine.

I love Dwight, too, man.

Like, really, like, honestly, like, my good prank friends are like, you, Milkman, you're

up there, Brad, Dwight, Clay, um, yeah, that's it.

I don't, I hate the word, no, there's a Jen I'm pretty close with, Nashby.

The AXPA, Palindrome, those guys, we're always hanging out.

If anyone wants to call in, I've got time for maybe one more caller.

405-396-6884, 405-396-6884, 405-39-MOUTH.

Let me see if there are any more Ethan numbers I can get before we call it off.

We've got about 10 minutes left or less, probably less.

Whoa, we've got an ad to work in adult movies.

We'll train.

They'll train you.

You've got to be qualified for that.

Yeah, I bet you they'll train you all right.

What are your training qualifications there?

You got any...

You got a pussy?

References?

John Holmes?

You got a vagina?

They call me John Holmes back in the day.

I'll give it a shot.

Let's see.

All in all, a good show.

I've had a lot of fun tonight.

Thanks, everyone, for tuning in.

I want to thank all our Patreon subscribers.

You all know who you are.

I didn't pick a Patreon subscriber of the show.

Let me get one up here real quick.

Hello, everyone, and thank you for calling the famous High Society Entertainment, the leaders in the adult entertainment industry.

Yeah.

If you are applying to be a driver, please call our driver job information line at 513-244-3357.

That's 513-244-3357.

513-244-3357

Alright, this isn't the phone.

So, that number's busy, unfortunately.

Here's a caller.

Last caller of the show. Thank you for joining.

Please be nice. Hello.

What's up, buddy?

Hey, Matt Hillock!

What's up?

How you doing, guys?

Matt Hillock!

Hey!

That is fucking great.

It's good to have you on, Matt. How you been, brother?

brother? It seems like I haven't talked to you much

in the last few days.

Yeah, I've been enjoying the show.

I was waiting to hear myself

be called one of the prank friends

and I got left out.

Okay.

I wasn't one of the good

prank call buddies.

Hey, real quick, I just want to mention

our Patreon

star, our Patreon horse of the day

is Mr. Buster Casey

who actually, didn't Buster leave a

voicemail earlier? Or, yeah,

Yeah, Buster and Nashie called in, I think.

Maybe, I don't know.

I'm high.

Buster's been supporting Madhouse Radio since August of 2014.

Militia member.

Buster Casey.

Thank you very much, Buster Casey.

Buster Hyman.

All right.

Buster Casey, buddy.

All right.

Don't stop for my brother.

Yeah.

I'm going to get that.

That's a strong supporter right there.

Hello, Matt.

Hello.

I was on mute.

I was trying to say hello to you, brother.

I think you heard you.

Matt, are you there?

Can you speak up, Matt?

You're really low.

Oh, am I not on my real mic or some bullshit?

Yeah, you sound like you're on the laptop not far away.

Because I'm, oh, hang on, audio, oh, yeah, there, maybe that's, oh,

it's because I moved it to computers.

Because I was going to stream.

Give me one moment.

I was going to wait until you got out the air

And then I was going to try to scream some gaming

Gotcha, gotcha

Well, you got some GTA 5 going on tonight

He might be in the middle of switching his mics

Let's do a prank call here real quick while Matt gets set

Just want to mention, from what I understand

As far as I know, there is a

Palindrome party pranks tonight

I didn't even give out the link today

Discord.gg slash pranks

You can find a link to that over at MadhouseLive.com

The Discord room

The Hijinx Discord

Discord, prank calls and a voice channel at the conclusion of tonight's show.

Listening to right now, the Madhouse Radio Show, the superior show, the dominant force in prank calls.

The original, settle for nothing less.

Often imitated, never duplicated.

Never.

Thank you for calling.

Please leave a message and your call will be returned as soon as possible.

No artificial ingredients included.

Matt, you're back.

I hear some hustle.

Some hustle.

Matt, Matt.

Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt.

Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt.

All right.

So that was supposed to be for a furnished room.

They didn't pick up.

I got to try them for one more attempt, and then we're going to have to walk it out of here.

Let's see.

Where is a number here?

For more information, compensation, some kind of job, maybe too late.

Here's a job for a kid.

Here's another.

We had to turn the camera last week.

Here's another attempt.

This may not go down.

One more try.

There you are.

There we got you now.

All right.

One more.

You're here, Matt.

We hear you, bud.

Like a goober.

You sound perfect now, sir.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I got a new mic arm.

It's like longer, so I don't have to hunch over it because I was watching myself streaming

games and I was like a humpback, you know, because I super glued the thing to the table

so I can't move the clip for it.

So I thought it'd be better just to get a longer microphone arm.

And that's what I did.

That's good for that.

your call cannot be completed as dialed please check the number and she sounds like particularly

sexy or just a weird operator a little bit yeah i'll try dialing a little bit of time and that's

that's gonna time my wife will be here kicking me out oh yeah i felt for you i felt for you for

being too loud i'm gonna i'm gonna smoke a ton of weed i'm gonna do prank calls in the

with palindromes hello you got it hello you got a toyota camry yeah okay uh yeah i want to make

sure the the current oil when was the last time the oil was changed about how many miles has it

been and did you do it normally every three thousand and so uh at least yeah she had it

done every time uh it needed to be done every every time she menstruated every time she

Well enough, because I've got to pee again.

Is that what happened?

I've got to pee again anyway, so it's good enough that it's over.

All right, Matt, I'm going to let you go.

I'm going to catch you in the flip.

Cheers, buddy.

All right, I'll try to join your first GTA 5.

See you, buddy.

Yeah, yeah, cheers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everyone, be sure to check out Matt's streaming on the shit motherfucker about that,

about with the GTA 5.

they go on twitch i think it's zack's intel on twitch something like that i'm sure there's links

out there trying to get milkman back on here so you can say our goodbye our goodbye milkman

milkman's gonna say goodbye little labios that called in tonight called in tonight

hey man i don't know how i happened but i got you back buddy you didn't miss anything it was a hang

up it's okay buddy i was gonna say we've got the menstrual and then i got hung up yeah it's fine

I didn't miss anything.

I hit the button again.

It's all right, dude.

You hit the right time, even if you didn't mean to.

Yeah, but hey, we had a pretty good show, right?

What do you think?

You want to take us out of here, bro?

Oh, yeah, brother.

I think we did great.

Yeah, we had how many people we had visited tonight, man?

We had some of our old, old friends back in the day, man.

Dwight and Matt, Brad.

Arbus C.P.

We did.

it and called even brooklyn cell called in uh buster casey uh but but dragon were i forget who

else a lot of people called in a lot of voicemails too you know yeah yeah we did good i think i think

yeah i think we had good interaction we met quite a few people and some of our old people and some

of our new people but hey i didn't do that that's that's just ended by remote that means milkman

did that i didn't touch nothing unless i ran out of credit he just dropped out that was not me

there yeah yeah yeah you dropped that i don't know where i don't know what happened brother

i don't even know where i was at okay so like i was trying to say okay so we did good we had

good interaction man we had a lot of people show up tonight friends from the new friends from the

old man that's what we do right here in the madhouse and we get together every week right

right here on the madhouse most interactive show you can find right here on the internet

we drop the time we ask just give us the time bring a friend or better yet you bring your

enemies because they're going to be welcome right here in the madhouse try to be the milkman

fearless general leesbo the leader of the madhouse carlito thank you so much brother

for having me along and keeping this operation here rolling show enough man i'm so happy we're

We're together again doing our show machine.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, man.

I had a good time.

I think it was a rather pleasant, fun show, dude.

I'm sorry.

We had a few little errors, and it was like, hey, dude, look, I'll come out on you.

Exactly.

All right, everybody.

Well, thanks for tuning in.

Thanks to everyone who tuned in tonight and called in, all our subscribers on our different

special editions, Friday show.

Yeah, it was fun.

A big thank you to all our Patreon supporters.

Be sure to go to patreon.com slash madhouse if you'd like to support us.

We'd appreciate it.

Madhouselive.com is the main website to get all your links that you need.

I just lost milk, and he keeps dropping.

Madhouselive.com is the main website for all the links to our podcast

as well as live tuning and showcast tuning.

To listen to the show 24-7, 365, live or not, head over to madhouselive.com.

Hit on your tune-in links, different ways.

There's even a phone number you can call when it works.

Follow me on Twitter, at Madhouse on Twitter.

And on Facebook, Madhouse.live.

And that's about it.

That's all I got.

All right?

Guys, I'm going to go get some Thai food.

They're waiting for me.

Y'all have a good weekend.

Behave yourselves.

Be good to each other.

Be sure to check out Prank Calls, discord.gg forward slash pranks.

Live Prank Calls coming up right now in the voice channel there.

Discord.

Damn it.

Calls (35, 2 h 4 min of 3 h 25 min)

Transcript

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