Lean Machine

Well, I didn't die in a fiery wreck today.

Did you just call me ignorant?

I hate you.

I don't understand.

What was that?

Are you serious?

There we go.

I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live.

I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito.

That's my big amigo.

So just kick back to listen to this cat call.

People, when this show goes live, I'll be like, damn, this shit's bitchin'.

Stop whatever I'm doing to tune in and listen

You can catch me in the back of his home

At Horse Machine Ranch Road

I'm busting mad fat flows for assholes and banchos

Must be crazy, shout out to Big Amy

That's nice honey baby

We kissing pussy so ladies such a labor ya

It's crazy how the stuff that my bruh might say to ya

Face it cause it's the number one prank cast

Stay back if you can't handle all the straight laughs

That we hand to your dome

And if you want call the number

You can listen to this show on the go

Big up to the man in the madhouse

Show love, just stick your motherfuckin' hands up

Some come close, but they can't get it right

Let the king do his thing, it's time for Madhouse Live

Big up to the man in the madhouse

Show love, just stick your motherfuckin' hands up

Some come close, but they can't get it right

Let the king do his thing, it's time for Madhouse Live

How you doing?

I'm at the casino.

Hello?

Mom?

That's not fair.

Hey, Milkman.

I didn't get...

You didn't miss anything?

Hey, Milkman.

Milkman.

Ho, ho.

I'm on hold.

You're right.

Can you explain to this lady that I have to make an order?

Please?

She's going to pick up now.

Thank you for calling, Denny.

Can I serve you?

I'd like to make an order, please.

Can I place you at home for a moment?

Yeah.

Are you transferring me?

Well, you're calling Denny's Restaurant.

Yeah, and I'm trying to call to make an order, you know?

Ignorant?

What are you getting at?

Call me ignorant?

Ignorant.

Okay, well, I'm going to go ahead and not take that order, okay?

Fuck you.

Thank you.

Fuck you.

She's going to go ahead and not take that order.

She's going to go ahead.

She did not take that, yeah.

Don't take that order.

We got a white girl in there.

She just can't afraid of that now.

Back home.

Hell yeah, milkman.

How you doing, big guy?

Big guy.

Oh!

Good to hear you, too.

I hope you're having a good week, motherfucker you.

Oh, hell, man.

Shit, man, shit.

There you go, brother.

That's the way it goes, man.

All right.

Another call.

Another call is in order, milkman.

Another call is in order.

The Court of Pranks is now in session.

Job done.

Hey, how you doing?

Hey.

I'm good.

Oh, good.

Yeah, look.

Hey, man, like, I'm not from here, but I'm in Vegas, motherfucker.

I need to make some orders.

Yeah, I need to make some orders.

And you know what?

It's a Planet Fitness out here.

I've got a membership.

It's good at all the Planet Fitnesses.

I have to get my swans, you know what I mean?

Oh, man.

I can't wait to get that protein in me, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Ready for that order?

All right.

You want a smoothie?

A cold smoothie?

smoothie with uh we do not have that with fruit the fruit smoothie okay sure i'll take those

uh the blended one oh stupid calls yeah

you there buddy yeah i thought you had hung up so were you ready for that order like i said i

want a fruit fucking smoothie ignorant red fruit red fruit red fruit yeah machine machine machine

Machine, yes.

That's the answer.

That's right there.

God put that right here, right in my life.

Do you want a weed machine?

I want a machine, yes.

I want the machine, motherfucker.

Machine, you want anything else?

Yeah, can you put it in a container?

I like it in a cone, not in a cup, please.

Oh, but you have like a cone.

Do you have a waffle cone there or anything?

No, we don't.

We don't have anything that comes in a cone.

Shit.

Do you have a bag you can put it in?

Like a baker's pipe?

That's the thing I put on a stick.

Yeah, on a stick.

Yeah.

I'm just going to fucking bite you is what I'm going to do.

I'm going to come there.

Do you have a salt shaker there I can use?

Yes.

I'm going to shake some salt on your bicep.

I'm going to bite the shit out of it.

I love flesh.

All right.

I like to eat flesh and meat.

I like A1 sauce also on buttocks.

I even take my dentures out, shiny.

Yes.

How do you like Las Vegas?

Like it here?

You have girlfriend?

Hold on just one second.

You have boyfriend, girlfriend being on?

Yeah, I like to make an order for one machine.

Hurry the fuck up.

It was what?

Oh, yeah.

Well, I wanted a machine.

Yeah.

Yeah, and you were back there saying, oh, you've got to hear this guy, Jessica, or whatever.

Yeah, but why were you talking to people about me?

What's so incredible about me?

Hello?

Hey, honey.

Hi.

I'd like to make an order.

So we actually don't accept call-in orders.

You're a fucking slut.

You know that?

Fucking asshole.

So, you know, you take...

Oh, man, we extracted a lot of meat out of that call.

No, he's still on it.

Hey, man.

Hey, effeminate man, you there?

Hey, what's up?

Yeah, what's up?

Yeah, why she doesn't take orders over there, huh?

Do you think that's bullshit?

Who do you think you're calling?

I'm calling because no one else is on the phone.

Oh, okay.

Cool.

I'm just calling other Planet Smoothies.

Or whatever.

Are you Tropical Smoothie, huh?

Yeah.

Who's better, in your opinion, Tropical Smoothie or Planet Smoothie?

Yeah, because Tropical Smoothie, you guys have salads and shit, right?

Yeah, we do.

You guys got wraps?

You guys got any healthy wraps?

Yeah, we do.

What kind?

You got gyro?

Gyro wrap?

No, we do not.

Do you have Green Bee?

Do you have the Big Mac?

Tropical Smoothie, I'm trying to help you.

Hey, big girl.

How you doing?

Hello.

What's up?

In this call right now.

Oh, yeah.

I'm just connecting a few here.

You seem like a nice guy, you know?

I figure maybe you want to hear this mess with the...

Do you ever hang out with the P.O.D.ers, Tropical Smooth Eye, in town?

Do you ever, like, you guys talk?

Do you have a forum somewhere or a subreddit that you guys talk shit on?

Not really.

Is Tropical Smoothie here in Vegas all owned by, like, one guy or...

It's owned by a different owner.

They're all different owners.

That's cool.

have they tried to sell you on their franchising shit yeah like have they been like you know we

got good franchising options if you make i don't know make a million dollars you gotta be honest

so the smoothies at planet smoothie are what's up you know that's better than you guys i'm trying

to be poor hello yeah probably today hey what was your name my name yeah your name alan why

alan that's a girl's name i needed to make an order please okay all right i need one machine

Only machine?

Yeah, you're ignorant.

That's what I need.

Hello?

Anything else?

Yeah, one machine.

You got that?

One machine?

Yeah.

I want that in a cone.

What do you got?

Boxes?

Don't you charge more for a waffle cone?

I'd like it in a waffle cone, please.

What do you mean you don't have waffle cone?

Listen, don't be ignorant with me, all right?

Don't get nasty, because you're going to have a big problem with me.

Who's in charge?

Who's in charge over there?

Who's the overseer?

Who's Jefe?

Motherfucker, you.

Don't you hang up? I heard what you said you little shit. Don't you fucking hang up motherfucker. Hurry up motherfucker

Yeah, what's going on cabrona? What's up cabrona? I wanted to make an order

Oh shit, all right, we got a little bit of

Is Alan still on there, dude?

Who's Alan?

Everyone's gone, Milkman.

It's just me and you, unfortunately.

It's just me and you.

Oh, okay.

That was pretty good, man.

We got some pretty good participation there, Point, there with the kids out there.

I love the mean machine order, dude.

That's pretty nice, man.

That's almost as good as when we realized there was a cat horse, a cat-a-corn.

And, uh, fucking, uh, you know, that holiday where we do the prank calls for 24 hours.

You know, Thanksgiving.

Yeah, man.

Thanksgiving.

hey dude what how far away are we from we're four uh three months we're like three and a

half months away from pranksgiving we still got a lot to know but like we're three minutes away

from the bomb hit oh shit gotta get our bombs fired up here so it's like three minutes late

what do you got over there i have more of the same from last week i've got mr og push here

tonight yes dry herb dry flower flower yes okay today we got this pretty rad

shit here miss Oh candy crack cross with Death Star in the shatter in shatter

Candy crack cross

Candy crack cross with the Death Star

And it's a shatter

That's hard to say

Candy crack cross with Death Star

So what they do is they put a little tiny X

Shatter

You gotta say shatter

I know what shatter is

Candy cross

That means that they can cross

These two strings together

And it's a result

I'm saying it wrong already

Alright that's cool

Candy Cross Death Star

Candy Cross

Death Star

Cool, alright

Alright, well enjoy that one

Let me give out the links to these motherfucking

I gotta get links out, Milkman

Get them out, man

I'm gonna take this big ol' dab right now

Alright, alright

Listen everyone, MadhouseLive.com is my website

Let me turn the music down

Actually, that's Milkman's job

Milkman, turn that music down, please

Thank you

you madhouse live.com is the website where you can subscribe to our podcast you can also get all

our live tune-in links so if you want to try listening on an alternate means you can use

shoutcast tune-in app which is on a whole bunch of stuff even in your car machines uh you can

watch me on youtube there's no music on the youtube feed i want to say what's up to all our

friends over on the youtubes the youtube computers um if you're noticing if you're a horse member on

the discord which you can join over at patreon.com slash madhouse if you're a uh horse member there

you're uh in the you're allowed to be a member of the chat the horse chat and you actually get

featured right there on the video feed it should be working i hope it's visible so be careful what

you say motherfuckers you uh patreon.com slash madhouse you can be a one dollar malicious

subscriber you get access to the instant show reel that's this show right here that you're

you're listening to you'll be able to download it via a dropbox folder you get access to

and 128k audio stereo and it's available immediately after the show ends you don't

have to wait exactly and unedited also and play so if we accidentally let a number get out you

want to try to snipe that number you gotta pay you gotta pay motherfucker that's all i'm saying

No, you don't have to pay.

$5 gets you horse membership, and that lets you get into the Discord chat as well.

And hopefully pretty soon we're going to launch that other show, weekly show, just for horse members.

Discord.gg slash pranks if you want to be in the prank call community chat room.

What's going on with you, Milkman, in Discord?

Why haven't you gotten on the cord yet?

I have no idea what it is.

I'm like, somebody explain it to me.

What is it?

Are we talking Myers?

IRC, we're talking like some kind of interface to give you an IRC.

It runs in COBOL.

You know the COBOL programming language?

Yeah, that old shit from like college back in like 1980.

Yeah, it's a COBOL chat room, so it's very secure.

It is.

Yeah.

So what is it?

I mean, I'm going to go there and I'm going to text.

You need a mainframe computer.

Do you have a mainframe computer at your house?

No, man.

All I still have is just my GORT.

I have the GORT set up.

You have the GORT.

you gotta get on the cord cord cord.gg slash pranks msc3 clay's waiting for you he's real

upset you haven't showed up yet fucking asshole you well they don't want to like give me the

straight like store i mean we got the comments you go to the website go to the website pendejo

you go to the website discord.gg slash pranks discord.gg oh my god d as in dick i s c as in

as in Charlie, O-R-D as in Dick, dot G-G, like good girl, slash, slash pranks.

I'm not fucking around.

This is for real.

This is the real.

Okay, Dick, I got you then.

Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick.

You're not going to go.

If you're not serious, why do you make me do that if you're not going to be serious?

Because I want other people to find out.

Let me know what the fuck it is, dude.

I don't want to go in there and get hacked.

I want to make sure I know what I'm doing.

Everyone's in there.

You're the only one.

even the dead's in there so they're kidding uh yeah sure crazy ass dead is he still alive we

have a the dead voicemail actually that i could play not a voicemail but he left me he left me

a message on facebook and i i don't think i listened to it so who knows what this is i invited

him to tonight's show with us i was gonna say is there any possibility of him coming on the show i

heard his rumors or something along those lines uh well yeah there were rumors but he didn't he

He hasn't called in yet.

I've been waiting for him to call in.

What's his name, Steve?

I got it.

D.D.

It should be D.D.

Like Dick?

D.D. like Dick?

Let's see what this is.

Like D.D.

Oh, wow.

Don't say that.

That's rude.

All right, listen.

Quiet and listen.

Be quiet and listen.

Well, I didn't die in a fiery wreck today, so I think that's a good thing, right?

All right, good.

That's dead.

Wait a minute.

He said he didn't die in a fire today.

Yeah, that's a good thing to dead, all right.

I hope he's dead.

He sounds wrecked, dude.

He can barely amend.

Holy shit.

I could try to call him.

He didn't die in a fire or a wreck today.

I think that's a good thing.

Okay, well, I'm glad to hear that, bro.

Let me see what happens if I try to call him.

Yeah, man, find out.

On Facebook.

If he's too hammered to answer the phone,

and hopefully you'll be able to speak to it, maybe.

All right, I'm trying to Facebook call him right now.

I don't know how that works.

All right.

Anyway.

Don't you have his regular direct number?

No, not on me, like not just here, no.

I used to have it.

I don't know if I have it anymore.

I don't think I have the current one.

Yeah.

Anyway, not working.

Okay, well.

I'll wait for him.

I'll call back.

Yeah, so I gave him an invitation to join the show.

He hasn't called in or anything yet, so move right along.

Let's get into some more prank calls.

I've been listening right along.

Have you heard anything from Jen Sturck?

No.

Jen Bob.

It's been a while since I've heard from Jen.

Yeah, I told them we were launching the show again, and I haven't really heard from him since then.

I'll leave a voicemail.

Yeah, I got voicemails from last week.

It looks like this is, we didn't get him on last week, but this one is, this is from, what should we call it, our obituary guy.

You know, I don't...

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we asked about him, but somehow we missed you.

Yeah, here he is.

Oh, okay.

I've been to Aaron for the fucking week!

He's upset.

That's horrible.

Whatever it is, it hurt my ear, man.

Lamar Coleman, fucking shit.

One of the greatest and most lyrical fucking rappers of all time died February 15th, 1999.

God fucking damn it.

He's also known for helping to pioneer the hip-hop subgenre, horrorcore,

releasing what is believed by many to be the first ever horror horror song in 1992 fucking shit damn

all right cool well good to hear from obituary guy he's uh referring to like he's like character

seriously yeah we did that one dude he like trying to like flow or something yeah it's all right man

we didn't get back dude don't go g on us man we love you like like the peaceful dude man the g

Gee, God, man, we can't understand real well.

More like obituary bitch last week or last time he called in.

Yeah, bitch slapping me, obituary.

That was like a bitch slap, obituary.

He's upset.

There's someone leaving a voicemail saying that answer the phone,

but I don't see the phone ringing.

I haven't seen it ring.

Ah, dude, you know, man.

Thank you for leaving the message.

Milkman's mom.

Call me back.

Oh, Milkman, your mom is calling, and she can't get through, she said.

Oh, hey, mom.

I see you looking every time I call.

I see your eyes look over there, and you can see me calling, but you won't pick up.

Pick up, man.

It's me, Milkman's mom.

Triple M.

Okay.

It's going straight to voicemail.

I see the calls hitting Google Voice but not transferring through to the laptop.

I don't understand why it's doing that.

Milkman, did you call?

I think it might.

Well, that doesn't make any sense because that's a different.

Yeah, I don't know.

No, this has nothing to do with any of that shit we spoke about earlier, dude.

No, I don't know.

You said we tested all the lines.

We tested all the lines.

Yeah, we did.

That's all the lines that are working.

I mean, that is confirmed.

There's no games going on, no, man.

Mom or dad or whoever.

You dialed it.

Everyone, 405-396-6884.

No, I tried all the numbers.

All three numbers were in full operation.

That's 15 minutes.

Let me get myself.

Knock the power out of the mixer.

Everything should be working.

I mean, I could, like, reconfirm that, but there ain't no sense in doing it on the air.

Listen, we've got to focus here.

There's very possibilities, like, calling in.

Well, I'm going to test my cell phone here, but we've got to start focusing here, because we seem to be all over the place.

We had some good calls, but now we're kind of, you know, our new listeners are probably like, what the fuck?

They sure are talking a lot, and I don't like that, Milkman.

We need to get back on track here.

Today, we're using a control number to get around something.

I don't know why, but it was because it was working.

Well, here's an incoming call.

This one's working.

Hello?

Hey, hey, hello.

Hey, who's this caller?

This is Obituary's guy.

Oh, what's up?

This is really, you don't sound like Obituary's guy.

I'm Obituary's guy.

I'm not lying.

Are you the real Obituary's guy?

Yes, yes.

Why were you so upset?

What's wrong, Obituary bitch?

I know, because you missed two weeks.

I tried fine.

Yeah.

Well, I tried fine.

I knew you had one last week, and then it was all the way at the bottom, and all these

These people called in, and I tried, and I tried.

You're not intentional, Mitch Eric, guy.

We do appreciate your segment, brother.

Are you into it?

Oh, thanks.

The show gets so flooded with stuff that we can't always get you on.

It's not intentional, though.

Don't listen to him.

No, that's all right.

Don't listen to him.

He runs out of time, and I pitch him out royally off the air for running out of time on the air.

I like to go on, but we miss you, brother.

Yeah, sure.

No, I get it.

I get it.

I was just playing a part there.

I'm all right.

It was good, actually.

Yeah, good sound effects and all that stuff.

That's good.

So are you really into obituaries, or how did that come about?

You just thought it was a silly, goofy kind of thing to do?

I just tried, you know, yeah, I just called in.

Yeah, because I just wanted to send an obituary.

I just felt like, I don't know, at the time.

And then, you know, you read it, and I was like, all right, I'll send another one.

You felt really good about yourself, like you contributed.

Yeah, you've done Eazy-E was the first one you did, I believe.

Yeah, yeah.

I think I went wrong there.

Yeah.

No, here's the first one, yeah.

Yeah, that's cool.

You want to hang out for a prank?

I'm calling.

Do you know they got the machine, the tropical smoothie now?

Whatever you said was on the hold.

I know.

I'm ghetto set up here, man.

Ghetto spic, Puerto Rico.

Are you going to read my obituary when I die?

Oh, yeah, for sure, man.

Do a good one for Aretha.

Please do a good one for Aretha, man.

Fat bitch.

How does she live so long?

I don't know if she didn't die from diabetes or something.

BB King was such a good one.

I'm slow with the mouse today.

God, things are just slipping past me today.

God damn it.

All right, cool.

Cool.

So does that count for last week's or does that count for this week's obituary?

Did you have another one?

That's it.

That makes up for it.

That makes up.

But I like the segment.

Keep doing it.

I don't know if you heard it.

I played the Big L song right after the obituary.

I tried to match those up.

Yeah.

Ahead of time.

You're actually part of the plan for the show now.

I'm trying to do a prank for you here.

I can answer.

Did you have any?

Hey.

Hey, yeah.

I want a frisky.

I'd like to make an order, please.

Okay.

All right.

i need a machine a lean machine a machine i'm sorry machine machine sure all right i need that

cold and i like that in a waffle cone please i'm sorry you're sure you called the right place

this is tropical smoothie yep you have a lean machine smoothie i like that in a waffle cone

no i'm can i get in a bowl no no we only serve our smoothies in cups oh man really but why but

why you only have the cups why i'm sorry that's not fair to us did you want it in order that's

That's not fair to us.

The straws are damaging the environment.

We don't have the cup.

We don't have the cups, and that's not fair to us,

the people that can't use the cup.

We want it in a cone.

No, when you buy a smoothie from us, we serve it to you.

Yeah, but we don't have the docking port for cups.

That's not fair.

We only have the straw hole.

I'm sorry.

Our machine doesn't have a docking port for cups.

It only works with cones or, like, the bowl.

I'm not sure what machine are you talking about.

The machine here that we use for the transfer of calories.

To transfer the calories and nutrients.

How may I assist you?

Hey, I'd like to make an order.

What would you like?

One machine, yes.

Okay.

Yeah, I want that in a waffle cone.

But we can't, we don't have the, our machine doesn't have the port for a cup.

We don't have the cups.

And that's not fair to the people that have the cup, don't have the cup.

Alright, whatever.

Stupid, stupid idea.

I'm real stressed.

I think he may have tapped an alternate switch method there.

All right.

Obituary guy, thanks.

I'm going to clear the line so hopefully someone else can get on.

I don't know.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm not feeling confident that it's working.

Hey, thanks for calling in, obituary guy.

Keep calling in, man.

That was very gangster, though.

It's very hard to hear.

Relax, bro, and do your good stuff you've been doing.

Your audio quality was much better on your other ones, bro.

Fuck yeah, do you, man.

All right, I love you, Milkman.

man hopefully one day you'll have your own patreon keep up the good work all right bye all right take

it easy all right his line should be open in theory you should be able to call in and join us

uh i'll leave it yeah i'm not getting a ultra reaction like i was hoping from tropical smoothie

about asking for a smoothie in a waffle cone this is a new discovery man you know i like the

The Mean Machine.

Kind of like the van on Scooby-Doo.

The Mystery Machine.

Yeah.

The Mean Machine.

That's our version.

It's a lean machine.

Green machine.

Look, I'm trying to put in Planet Smoothie, and I just typed in Planet Machine.

I'm fucking stupid.

Planet Smoothie.

See this?

Yeah, there are no Planet Smoothies in this part of the world, apparently.

Holy shit.

Well, I'll look it up and see what the database says about the Wicca.

It's probably something local.

All right.

Hey, look, here's another caller.

It's working in some form or fashion.

Hello, thanks for calling.

Please don't be a troll or a hater.

hello you're on the air hello yes carl hey how are you doing good man good who's this i'm sorry

did you give your name this is carl carl big carl carl who carl sanders uh yeah talk to you on

facebook yesterday i just joined your patreon dude oh cool well welcome to patreon

starting at freezing but i'm hoping to upgrade to clydesdale at some point oh yeah you'll make

it one one day you'll be a lipidzon horse and those are the most beautiful horses the most

is graceful you know you know they're forcing around they're from portugal about appaloosa

yeah yeah you ever you like smoothies how do you feel about smoothies you know what i haven't had

a smoothie in years me neither yeah yeah well there you go across from my apartment but you

know the banana strawberries the bomb crave a smoothie ever you know ah it's a little too

healthy for me if you ask me i'm just gonna go get a milkshake at mcdonald's mcdonald's dude

That will eliminate any health concerns you have

You know what I miss

Those are frosty

Those are so full of sugar

I know that's why I can't have them anymore

But fuck fucking frosty

Hello plant smoothie

Yeah I have to make an order

Can you speak up please

Yeah what can I get for you

I'd like one machine

One machine

I'm not familiar with that

Do you have something that's high protein

Good lean mass

Fat burner

I don't know what exactly you mean by lean mass, but we got a lot of high-protein smoothies.

All right.

A lot of high-protein.

Anything made with egg product instead of dairy?

We do have, like, a plant, like, pea-based product.

Okay.

All right.

Can I get one of those in a waffle cone, please?

We don't have cones.

You sure you don't have any waffle cones in the back there that I could get?

Like, I know you might charge a little more.

I like it, though.

We don't, like, go to smoothies at all.

Yeah?

They're cold.

They go in a cone.

You use a spoon or you just lick them.

It's very hot out today.

It hit like the 90s again.

Serve them in cups.

All right, but that's not fair because we can't use cups on our machine here.

Our machine doesn't take cups.

Are you sure you're working here?

Planet Smoothie?

You make smoothies with yogurt, sherbert, and nutrition-oriented add-ins.

Yeah, but we don't do the salt or anything like that here.

I know, but I'm just thinking you could maybe make it so you could put it in there, you know?

We don't have any cones to do that with.

All right, but I mean, is there a Publix nearby I can stop at?

Yeah.

All right.

All right, but I mean, I'm presuming you got some kind of rule that you can't put it in the cone for me.

I mean, like, I can't stop you from doing it.

Okay, but can I do it inside the store?

What's the viscosity?

What's the viscosity like?

Because if it's, do you think it's going to just drip through?

Is that the problem?

What do they got?

Tell me what they got.

Is it green?

What?

Is it green?

Why don't you put your dick in the blender?

I was trying to mention it to you

but you didn't hear me

well I heard chocolate

I said sprinkles too

or not

I was trying to get those ideas

you're like screamed out

I just wanted to say hi

I got a roll here

alright buddy

God bless you buddy

Hey Carl, thanks for calling

You be careful out there

Yeah, you watch out, man, watch out

Keep your wall in your front pocket, I'll see you, bye

Alright, good, I hope you

That's very important if you're a guy

In a bad neighborhood, you put your wall in your front pocket

That's how Milkman rolls

Whenever Milkman sees a black guy

He's like, oh, I better put my wall in my front pocket

Hi, this is

Yeah, hey, I'd like to make an order

Alright

One smoothie, cold

Cold, yeah

Yeah. Fruit smoothie, cold.

The acai bowl?

Yeah.

Which one?

The acai, acai, acai.

They all have acai in them.

How do you say it? Acai?

Acai.

Acai. Acai. Acai. Acai. Okay. Yeah, one of those. I like it in a waffle cone.

I'm sorry, we don't do waffle cones here.

All right. Can I just get it in a bowl then? In a cup? In a bowl?

Yeah, sure.

No, a bowl. I want a bowl with a spoon.

And also, do you have peanuts?

I'm sorry, we don't have peanuts.

Do you do fudge? Can you put the fudge over it? And a cherry?

I'm sorry, we don't do cherries here and we don't have fudge.

Do you have pineapple?

Yes, we do have pineapples. We have Hershey's topping, but we don't have...

Hershey's, pineapple, nuts.

Do you have any sack nuts?

Tiny little dried up sack nuts.

Sack nuts?

I don't know what those are.

I'm sorry.

I don't think we have those.

Oh, they're like little nuts come in a sack, you know?

You don't have those?

Okay.

All right.

What else?

What else you got?

What else could you throw in there?

You got sprinkles?

Do you really?

Are they parfait or non-parfait?

They're just regular rainbow sprinkles.

Okay.

All right.

That's pretty stupid, but all right.

I'll take some of those.

Do you have a salt shaker?

Where are you?

Well, I'm nearby.

I can be there.

It won't take that long.

I'm here loose.

Yeah, I'll just wait until you get here so you can tell me everything.

everything that you want on it.

I'm at the Walmarts.

We don't have a Walmart over here.

Shit.

How do you not have a Walmart?

I'm in Volusia County right now.

Okay, bye.

She got me there.

They don't got a Walmart.

Thank you for calling.

We don't have a Walmart.

How can I help you?

Hello, caller.

Okay.

They just hung up.

Oh, that was the first Planet's Fitness I called.

Milkman dropped also.

Shit.

I think Milkman hit the 15-minute mark.

Let's call them back, everybody.

I hope you guys are enjoying this.

We got numbers from Parkman also to get to.

Oh, I'm not calling Milkman.

I'm calling Beckham.

Jerking off.

Hey, Milkman, I got your back.

I'm going to call one more.

I'm going to call one more Planet Smoothie.

15 minutes exact.

It is exactly.

I know.

I'm sorry, man.

I'll figure it out.

Sure, it's a setting.

What happened?

It's a setting somewhere.

What happened?

What?

What happened what?

What I missed.

What happened?

Nothing.

They all died at once.

Oh, okay.

This Planet Smoothie is where I grew up.

Right here.

This will be the last Planet Smoothie, at least for now.

Ah.

so they were like related hello hello yeah hi i like to make an order can i get you one smoothie

cold with acai acai yep just just acai yep okay i need uh sprinkles all right pineapple uh cherry

fudge we don't have any fudge do you have peanuts i'm sorry do you have peanuts we have peanut

butter okay that'll work all right and i'll have that in a waffle cone uh we only have we only

We've got some of these here.

Oh, shit.

Oh, damn.

Where do you go?

You go to Pine Ridge, or where do you go?

College.

Oh, you're fucking stupid then, aren't you?

All right, whatever.

I'm done with that.

Let's try to see if she can go back to my high school.

Hey, thank you for calling.

I'm Carlito.

How can I help you?

I'll figure it out straight today.

Hello?

Hi, I'm Carlito.

Please turn your radio machine down.

Hey, what's up?

How you doing?

Who's calling?

Hey, who's this?

This is Ewan.

Yo, this is Bate.

This is Gay.

Hey, Gay, what's up?

Yo.

Oh, good, good.

The abrogate, I've been hearing.

Yeah, how you doing, big guy?

Good.

What's going on?

Good, good.

I have a question.

I've been trying to find this one podcast.

I was trying to find it a while ago.

It was the pressure washing one.

Pressure washing, pressure washing.

Where you were like, oh, let me see your big boy.

Let me see your son.

What?

I need some favors.

I don't remember this at all.

She put her son on the phone.

about pressure washing i remember you did something about pressure washing yeah i think

he was calling up like somebody buying one or some shit they got crazy a pressure

i don't remember um i don't remember but the called milkman vaguely remembers so it must

exist the calls out there now if anyone knows about what this what our caller is talking about

about pressure washing let him know let us know god damn yeah if i find it i'll put it in the chat

sounds good all right cool well the call's out there someone lets me know i love you

all right buddy all right there we're on the first and bases i'll see you later thanks for

calling gabe all right gabe everybody gabe gabriel you really dude if your name is gabriel bro just

go with gabe don't be let's go with gabriel don't shorten it to gabe because what happens is what i

I do.

I don't care.

I asked him because I couldn't hear.

I mean, if you identify as gay, that's fine.

I don't give a shit.

No, he didn't just call and say, hey, this is gay.

I don't call places and say, hey, this is hetero.

You know, he's not.

I can't hear very good, like, sometimes when they come on.

That's why I always say, ask them their name.

That's a good policy.

The callers, when you call in, announce your name.

That way, it wouldn't be a problem.

You know what?

I've been meaning to say that.

Thank you for reminding me.

Gay and Milkman have both reminded me.

when you call in we love having you on maybe the first thing is when i say hello welcome this mad

house please don't troll us say hey this is give us your name real quick so we know who we're

talking so we're not with this hi hi hey who's this we gotta catch who you are wait time talking

like you know when all you gotta do is announce your name we can get immediately to

bring tell us who you are let's go let's go you know from let's we got a lot of cars to get to

listen everyone i wanted to mention over on youtube.com i wanted to thank the following

people who have donated super chats in previous weeks i finally set up a system so that if you

do donate a super chat machine uh i will respond to it immediately and i also will give you credit

i want to thank vital sign zero who donated uh who gave a 4.99 donation uh z rules gave a ten

$10 one happy turtle donated five pounds and only one OB chef original OB

donated $2 last week as did Robert Harris.

Maybe I shouldn't give out your full name.

Sorry.

Who donated one 99.

So thank you to all those people who made one time donations via the

YouTube and keep in mind,

you want to watch the YouTube feed,

you can watch the damn YouTube feed over at the main Madhouse website page,

madhouse live.com the youtube feed is there or you can go to youtube.com madhouse so basically

just no madhouse radio bullshit madhouse radio on youtube everyone uh like subscribe and uh okay

yeah that also hey real quick some business um i'm having trouble with my main hard drive on my

main computer machine and that's made it i i have i created the prank calls of the week for this week

it's been ready since monday morning and i've been steady trying to upload it since then

And it's a corrupt file.

My computer keeps spitting out corrupt files,

and the files keep getting hung up by YouTube when I try to upload it.

So it's created.

So I enlisted the help of our friend Ethan, who is going to be at –

and I just missed a call.

Sorry about that call.

I'll try to call back.

Ethan, who's a regular caller on the show,

he's going to be creating that here later today or tonight, I believe.

So hopefully, I hope by tomorrow at some point,

I'll be able to get this week's Prank Calls of the Week, episode 14.

There were 19 good calls on this one, so I'm real excited about it.

And it kind of sucks because like a whole week went by almost.

So now, but, yeah.

That's a lot of data.

It's not your fault, brother.

It's the machine.

You've got to have a machine problem, man.

I know, I know.

Machine problem.

Dude, it pissed me off.

The upload kept stopping at 89% and sticking there.

And I'm like, what the fuck?

I hate that shit.

Oh, my God.

For, like, about a million years, and you're like, you know, it's done transcode.

I know.

There ain't nothing fucking wrong.

You know, it's just shitting itself and not doing its job because it's reached its limit on some corrupt fucking bitch.

Yeah.

Yeah, motherfucker.

Yeah.

Working, fracking, fricking, fracking.

Yeah, you tell them.

Anyway, so 405-396-6884 is the number to dial if you'd like to be on the air.

That's where we use the My Yosemite Family thing.

405-39-MEL.

Fricking, fricking.

right what did you say suffering succotash no was that sylvester that's that suffering

sylvester said that sylvester the cat machine said yeah yeah i don't know what that cocksucker

said you know i have no idea um there you go thank you back to prank calls let's get some

parkman numbers we've got enough calls are going to expire from uh parkman yeah we gotta get to

man oh shit i got this fucking fire call because he's done a bunch of horse ranch

fucking smoothies call the horse ranch horsey cat caller thanks for calling you're on the call

i'm not gonna help you yep yo this is hop joy oh good good thanks zach zach hobbs hey

how you doing buddy long time what did you say tom zach hobbs zach hobbs

you remember the drawings we talked about that a while but yeah you did so

Drawings with the Madhouse shit?

Yeah, you actually had in Chicago, right?

Didn't you have, like, a whole bunch of Madhouse-themed drawings that you...

Dude, I had a whole...

Yeah, I had an art show, and every piece was...

Oh, this is the one I wanted to see.

I wanted to see that.

I heard about this guy.

I never got to see any of that.

I sold them all.

Like, it was, like, kind of a successful show, and I made, like...

I think I made, like, $2,400 selling all the art.

That is awesome.

Congratulations, man.

take pictures of your work man

we like to at least see them

yeah I got um

did you have like the shit in the toilet

one was called the shit in the toilet or something like that

I think or

use your phone machine

take a picture

I would just listen to the show like over and over

and over again and I would be drawing a piece

and then when it got time to title it

it was obvious that it was about

horse machine ranch road

it was that era of uh

you know the madhouse

The horse years.

A lot of job calls.

Yeah.

Yeah, the horse years.

Yeah, yeah.

But, yeah, yeah.

So, look, check this out.

I love that you're doing this format.

I want to talk about one call that you made, and it is to the guy who made the suspenders.

This is kind of a recent call.

Yes, okay.

Where?

The no-sag suspenders, yeah.

Yes.

Like, I just, like, I listen to that when I need a pick-me-up because it's so beautiful

how you just, like, kind of wind into it a little bit.

and then you and then you of course do that carlito thing where you fucking tilt it and it

goes off the rails and he doesn't know how to react which is what makes a good prank call right

yeah yeah he's because he's ultra christian but he's so polite about it he didn't agree with what

the gay stuff i'm saying but because i'm saying that you gotta you gotta do you have a version

of that uncut where your pants fall down all the way and all that shit because he takes his pants

down on youtube it's like this is how my nose sags work you pull your pants down and you pull

down your britches and you put it here yeah yeah yeah but yeah he's ultra christian he sent me like

when he sent he sent that to me and he he sent uh an autograph copy of his business card and his

autograph his signature has like the cross it has like a little hill and three crosses like for like

the three people yeah he's he's got what's whatever the name of the the hill look man do

Do you know the name where Jesus got it?

Calgary.

There you go.

Calgary, yeah.

Basically, he has incorporated it into his signature.

It's rude.

You can tell he's really Christian.

He's real polite.

He's like, well, I don't agree with you kind of feeling.

I don't know if that's what he said, but I don't agree with you.

Well, but you were speaking so highly about the product.

That's what makes it a great call.

But it is.

You told us on the air.

You were like, oh, my God, I've had this problem for years, and I found a solution.

Yeah.

I really hope.

Well, yeah, it's dude, and I still use it to this day.

I love the fucking product.

Great for big people.

You know, you have to keep pulling up your pants.

That's awesome.

All right, well, how do you make that mud?

That's another good one.

How do you make mud?

See, I know that's the title of the show, but I don't remember the call.

But I know there's a show out there called How to Make Mud.

It's a job thing, and I think it's probably one of those 423 Rogersville.

like i know the area of the country because i used to live near there okay and you uh it's a guy that

is like a contractor or he's looking for work and he's like a cement guy or like asphalt or something

right and then you go into how you make that mud and i think you tell then there's a there's a part

of it where either it's that call or another call where you talk about shitting in a bucket

it and it's all about making money okay yeah anyway yeah i'm ignorant what can i say all right

zach you want to have a zach uh zachary zach i don't know how you go i'm calling a horse stable

call you can stay on if you want no no late tonight so i'm gonna jump off at work i love

you buddy great to talk to you all right good good work i love to milkman i love you too

all right congrats on the on the sale he's gone that's that's awesome i had he had

When he had the gallery set up, he said it to me.

Hello, this is Karen with Equine Country Estates.

Also known as the best pleasure horse for the rest of the world.

Thank you.

I talk too long, man.

Come on, man.

I'm sorry, Parkman.

Parkman.

What about that cow, that horse ranch?

The horse ranch.

Horse ranch.

Horse stable.

That's what I'm calling right now.

Oh.

There's a list of them.

Yeah, hi.

Is this the horse machine?

The horse machine?

Yeah.

Yeah, you were looking for, uh, I need to board my horse, Akulo.

You need to, I'm sorry, you need to board your horse.

His name is Akulo.

Oh, hello.

Yeah, I need to board my horse.

His name is Akulo.

I'm Puerto Rican.

Oh, okay.

I have a horse named Akulo.

I need to board him.

He lost a race.

Got it.

And we're done with him.

Bummer.

Um, I'm at the bank right now.

Could I call you back in a few minutes?

Oh, what are you doing?

You're stealing money?

Hello?

Hello.

Yeah, you want me to call, you call me back, honey, okay?

I said I would.

all right i'll be here don't take too long all right tonight tonight okay it's important bye

thank you hello thanks for calling how can i help you hey big chris how you doing thanks for

sticking to the rule of saying your name yeah all right chris chris is on top welcome your number

uh fucking confused the hell i mean i tried calling and every time i call it said front

reception in my voice say yeah i gotta change that but the thing is that people call see i

I have it set up so people can call back from what I pranked them,

but no one's been doing it yet.

But I don't want to just say, hey, you've reached Madhouse Radio.

You know, I want it to sound like.

Yeah, no, no, no.

It's to throw people off the track, right?

Yeah, yeah.

But I want them to leave a voicemail.

You know, I like.

Who?

Huh?

Okay, okay, you talk.

Then I'll talk.

Okay, no, you talk.

I'm done.

I'm not good.

I'm not good at that.

Oh, don't be nervous.

You have the floor.

you know you're you're it's just you know you're carlito so you know it's kind of you know high

expectations oh don't be intimidated it's okay so i actually uh talked to you on facebook a little

while ago and sent you my own pranks and you said they were pretty good um okay but i want to say um

that you're fucking uh dwight uh i've also talked to him on facebook and he says you've been lying

about the fucking shit that you told me so i need to get this straight so it's what where

Where'd all the calls go?

I didn't do that.

I didn't do it.

Are you there?

I'm sorry.

I'm back on.

Go ahead.

What am I lying about?

I'm trying to,

I'm trying to like get a whole story going.

So I like,

you know,

I,

you told me that,

uh,

on Facebook that Dwight was in trouble,

his brother,

blah,

blah.

And then when I talked to Dwight on Facebook,

he said,

Oh no,

that motherfucker is making a blight.

So I'm curious.

So did his brother actually die?

Brad Carter?

I said it.

Brad Carter's brother died.

No.

Should I say Brad?

You said Brad.

Who did you say?

Oh, I meant Dwight.

Sorry.

Dwight.

Dwight's brother died.

Oh, okay.

Excuse me.

No, we...

Sorry, my eye medication really gets to me sometimes.

Yeah, I have this running thing where I say something horrible has happened to Dwight

so that Dwight gets a lot of people messaging him asking, is he okay?

I've said he's in the hospital.

I've said he's...

There's a bunch of shit, like the whole baloney thing.

People pick on him about that.

and it's not true yeah i probably did that yeah i i would expect that was something i said just

to fuck with them yeah no because what happens what happens other people say like all right so

like uh firmus or something or green beard or xyz would do a show and during the show they would say

everyone prayers for dwight or even brad would say it sometimes you know have to say a prayer

for dwight so then people ask me like yourself hey what happened with dwight because i can't

find out and i'll say oh yeah he's in a hospital or he had a seizure i'll say something random

every time and and then yeah then dwight gets all these messages he's like you motherfucker

you're doing this again that's what happened that's all it is i'm just joking you know

just making jokes that's how i found out about you guys you know um because i found out prank

called by this one fucking big ass guy who fucking prank calls i'm pretty sure aren't even real then

i ran into dwight somehow no i think it was it was brad for like one call then the next thing

that played with dwight and i got fucking hooked on dwight okay then in fucking one of dwight shows

then you it's just a it's just a chain you know yeah the rabbit hole does go deep man you start

getting to some really obvious then then then you're doing prank then see i like it like a lot

of times the community branches off like there'll be a group of friends and they do pranks on their

own together that's kind of cool and then one of them gets a big head it's like i can do shows too

and then they they're not that good but sometimes they're good but yeah i gotta find your pranks

bro like how long ago did you send them to facebook so i can look and find out and touch

it you said you watched them and you said they were pretty good you actually gave me like a

couple sentences of feedback i made a team on card i try to do that yeah i try to give the

feedback and all that how long ago was it though was it a while ago because it's buried a couple

months ago we were not me and my friends we made a fake adam craigslist for pokemon cards

okay okay oh i kind of remembering now okay okay did i get a lot of messages tell you what if you

ping me on facebook so that it comes to the top of my list i'll i'll i'll make sure i remember

and maybe i'll play for you if you want i don't know if that's what you're getting at i would

like to remember what we're talking about chris okay oh god you said my name i mean sorry oh well

you told me that i mean you can make up a fake name it's okay no i mean i was like no not no i

I was amazed.

I got you.

Yeah, sorry.

You heard that.

Let me call Milkman back here real quick.

Do you want to stay on for a prank yourself, or you got to fly?

Yeah, I'm staying.

Everyone's in a rush today.

Everyone's like, oh, go, go, go, go, stay on.

No, I just got done with all my shit.

Oh, good.

It's just, you know, you said my name, and I fucking fangirled.

Oh, yeah.

Did you get a little, yeah, I hear you.

Yes.

Did you get a little jump?

Yeah.

Hey, Milkman, did you get a little jump in your pee-pee?

What happened here, man?

I tried to get everybody's number.

Well, yeah, because I have a caller on the line, but I had to call you.

We have Chris.

Big Chris is online, and he does prank call.

He's going to do a prank call with us, Milkman.

Yay!

Okay, all right.

When I listen to him, I'm not doing shit.

I can throw you the ring.

Whirlpool Product Assistance.

Welcome to the Whirlpool Customer Experience.

What she said.

For over a century, we've believed in every...

Shut up.

Your shit is shit.

You've reached us outside of our normal business hours.

Please call back between 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. Eastern, Monday through Friday, or 8 a.m. to 4.30 p.m. Eastern.

That took too long.

Yeah, it took too long.

Oh, well.

Sorry, Parkman.

I failed you, bro.

Hair station rental.

Oh, nice.

So you could be a barber guy.

Nice.

We're calling the Candid Salon.

Angelique speaking.

How can I help you?

Hi.

How you doing, Vagina?

What's your name?

Vaginalique?

Angelique.

Vaginalique.

All right.

I see that you've got a hair station rental open.

I like to do hair.

Actually, my owner is currently not in.

We do have spaces available.

So I can actually get your name and information,

and I can actually have her send you the information about it

and probably follow up on a meeting.

Sure, yeah.

Take my information and my number and all that?

Of course.

What's your first name?

Akulo.

Akulo, A-C-U-L-O.

that did it that did it oops went too far we got down the parkman list are we down the very

many i'm looking at it i'm on parkman now i'm on parkman now that was a parkman one

that will run now hair station hair station hair station rental okay okay i'm with i'm with you

i'm with janice hair station ripped off i love you you're the best man hello hello yeah calling

about that hair station rental i think we got cut off yeah i think so um what's your name my name

is aculo a-c-u-l-o okay and your last name ruiz dash cruz dash okay gonzalez dash

-Gomez-Jones.

Okay, and then what's your phone number?

Okay, I'll have her give you a call.

Her name is Hannah.

Thank you so much.

What was my name?

Read it back.

Oh, my God.

Cooperative.

I don't remember.

I don't even remember the extent that my name went with that.

All right, caller, Chris.

Chris, I got to let you go to clear the line.

I want to remind you to please ping me on the Facebooks, all right, so that we get your.

One more thing, Carlito, before you hang up on me.

Sure, man.

So the main reason I got into you other than everyone else is because of that phone number you have.

Because in school, I have no internet, but I do have cell service.

Nice.

That's the plan.

That's the point.

there we go

we got our payoff

it's been kind of flaky lately

I don't know what's going on

I don't know if you still use it actively

it's been kind of flaky

I don't know

I have little control over how well it works

best effort

that's cool good thanks for the feedback

we'll keep it going then man

see you later

alright chingada

chingada

you must be Spanish I think

he's like

Like, hey, don't say Chingada to me.

I'll fire his pay, Chinga.

Chingada.

You know what?

All right.

So I don't know if I have that pulling down the pants prank call.

What was the call?

Because I got to take a wee.

I got a wee wee real quick.

But I could play that.

I could play that.

Let's see if I can pull it up here.

Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I can still hold my bladder a little longer when I put it that way, right?

How nice.

Nice, but we need to get some more...

Get the damn fish jugs.

No, I'm not...

And that way you can make it at least between segments.

This is not Matt Hillock's show.

405-396-6884.

405-396-6884 is the number to dial to join the show machine tonight.

Wherever you're listening from, here's another caller.

Caller, thank you for joining.

Please don't play audio of other prank callers.

Hello?

No, no, no.

I wouldn't do that.

Oh, okay.

What's going on?

Oh, not much.

Who's calling?

There's a new ruler.

Who it is?

Yo, it's Mikey G from the Bronx.

What's up, yo?

Oh, what's up, man?

You're the other Bronx guy.

Hey, how you doing?

Mikey.

Mikey from the Bronx, man.

Yeah, what's up?

Mikey from the Bronx.

Nice, man.

Who's the other guy?

That's Milkman.

Hello?

No, the other guy from the Bronx.

Oh, no, I meant Brooklyn.

Brooklyn Cell.

You guys are nowhere near each other.

How far is Brooklyn from the Bronx?

Can you walk there or something?

Or is that my way out?

No, you can drive there easily.

It's just a lot of traffic, probably.

You'd have to dodge a lot of cars.

Yeah.

Are there squeegee men in the Bronx still?

Is that still a problem?

You know, there used to be when I was a kid,

and then Giuliani kind of did away with all those guys.

He shot them.

He told them all to leave.

He shot them in the back of the head and sent them to Jersey, I heard.

Their bodies are...

Yeah.

They buried them.

They have some islands off the coast of, like, Rikers Island,

and they just bury homeless people there.

I thought they just put them under the new Giants stadium.

Where did the Giants play?

How come I don't know that?

I'm a Giants fan.

They play in New Jersey.

They play in Rutherford.

Rutherford, New Rutherford, yeah.

What's the name of the stupid stadium?

The Meadowlands.

MetLife.

Was it the Meadowlands before and now it's MetLife Stadium?

Is that what happened?

Yeah, it used to be called the Meadowlands, yeah.

Ah, okay.

Yeah.

Isn't there a team that...

Who plays in...

Do the Mets play in the Bronx now?

now? Is that correct? Am I correct?

No, the Yankees play there.

The Yankees play in the Bronx now. Okay.

Yeah.

They always have, and there was actually a time

when you could see where

the New York Giants used to play, the

baseball Giants, in Manhattan,

and then in Brooklyn, they used to have

the Ebbets Field with the Brooklyn Dodgers.

They're out here in San

Francisco now!

Who made the crew, man?

That's right! Escape from New York,

baby!

You don't even know what baseball is.

Who are we calling?

Animal Hospital.

This is Kaylee speaking.

How can I help you?

Animal Hospital.

Do you have a job?

Do you have a job for the janitor, a janitor position?

We do not.

I'm sorry.

We have the position, but we have a long-time employee that does the janitorial work and the handyman work.

But I thought you had a job position open.

Oh, did we have a...

She might have posted an ad for it that I didn't know about.

Yeah.

Maybe it's your position that's getting taken out

and you don't know because of that.

I'm a receptionist.

Yeah, but maybe you're not that good or whatever

because you don't even know the jobs.

Yeah, okay.

She probably lifted that much there for lunch, the bitch.

Oh, shit.

She was not happy about that.

Oh, really?

Okay.

Now, inquiries.

That's the problem.

Number Hospital, Mikayla speaking.

How can I help you?

Hi, Mike. I'm calling about the janitor position.

Hiring for that, but you're more than welcome to come in and fill out an application.

Well, this is ignorant. You're ignorant, and the people that are ignorant.

Who was I just talking to?

Fuck that shit. Oh, God damn it.

Fucking ignorant lady.

All right, yeah, all right. Talk to me again.

It's almost a curse to say an ignorant like that.

It's like saying, fuck you.

Yeah.

It's worse than saying, fuck you.

Oh, yeah, it kind of is. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I get, oh, like black women get real upset when I say call them ignorant.

Oh, dude, it's something else.

Yeah.

Fuck, what's I going to point out?

I forgot already.

I forgot I'm a cocksucker.

Stay on for one more.

Why don't you there?

Do you want to do a prank or you're just chilling?

You can just chill.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, no.

I'll do one.

I'll tell you what I, here's what I got.

It's Slim Pickens.

I got a sushi chef position.

Can you work with that?

If not, I can take it.

Yeah, go ahead.

All right, sushi chef, and this is in Vegas.

All right, home of the machine.

Home of the Raiders, speaking of football.

They're going to be moving there in a season or two.

Fuck Oakland, right, Milkman?

Oakland could take a fucking hike.

They're in San Francisco.

Babe, Sushi and Rice speaking. May I help you?

Hi, how you doing? My name is Max.

I'm calling about the available Sushi Chef position.

Can you tell me a little bit about the position, yeah?

Yes, much better.

People are going to come up here and fill up an application.

Okay, I would definitely fill up a medication,

But I just wanted to see if there's any way you could tell me something about the position just before I come in maybe

For men. Yeah. Okay. It's for men. All right, so no no women

Okay, okay late no lady boy just man. Okay. So what time does the ship start? What time would it start begin?

I know if you want you can I know it depends. I didn't have I'm on a server

So I don't have any idea what I'm gonna give for the schedule so much better if you you know

You come up here, and the head chef or the owner is going to talk to you about the schedule, okay?

No, just a quick question.

This might sound a little weird, but I know that sometimes they want the sushi chef to be Japanese.

I'm half Japanese, but are you Filipino?

Yeah, I'm Filipino.

Oh, mabaho otot.

You know mabaho otot?

I love this.

Filipino.

No, right now I'm kind of busy, so if you want, you can come up here.

Okay.

Putang in a mo.

Thank you.

Putang in a mo.

No, thank you so much.

Peck, peck.

Why echo?

I'm not talking to you.

I'm not setting an appointment, you stupid Amazon piece of shit.

BF sushi.

What the fuck?

What's BF part?

Yeah.

So what were you saying?

Are you going?

What were you saying in Tagalog?

Tagalog.

Mabajo.

Tagalog, yeah.

Smelly fart.

Okay.

And I'm like, fuck your mother.

Fuck your mother.

Is that what I'm going to do?

Are you Filipino?

Is that how you knew that?

No, I'm white.

I'm white.

I'm white as it can be.

i was gonna say i'm one of those white irish he knows the good but he knows the good words

i was gonna say because i didn't know there were racist words for for filipinos until i saw that

that donald trump had used them in the news this week i was like i don't know what what was uh

goo goos was one i'm like that that's like i didn't know i don't know there were any words

for that that he said he's called someone a goo goo or something and there was another one too

too, he said. According to Amorosa's

book or something, that fucking

I don't like

Amorosa. I don't trust

her, you know?

I don't trust any of them.

Alright, well, Bronx,

thanks for the Bronx cheer there.

Thank you for everything you do.

Thanks for your service

to our country, alright?

Take care, buddy.

Yo, check your Dropbox. I sent you some

stuff. You sent me music?

That Carlito X, is it

Because you gave me a Dropbox.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Check it.

Check it out.

Okay, I'll check it out.

I think I saw the invite.

Yes, sir.

Will do.

All right.

Tranny porn.

All right, nice.

Good.

All right.

All right, see you, brother.

Take care, man.

All right, guys.

Milkman, see you later.

Peace, brother.

Thanks for calling, man.

There he is.

His line is open.

You can take his place.

405-396-6884.

405-396-6884, motherfucker.

Yeah.

It's already ringing.

It's a hard show to get on to, man.

Man, this is a hard show.

I like this.

I'm digging this.

What's up, brother or sister?

You're on Madhouse Radio.

Please don't be me.

Hi, Carlito.

How are you?

Good.

How are you doing, Kermit?

I'm good.

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

That's rude.

How are you, Kermit?

Who are we talking to?

What's your code name?

Do you have a code name?

No, I'll give my real name.

My name is Moses.

Moses?

Oh, man.

Take this.

Moses.

Hey, Moses.

Go down, Moses.

Tell old Pharaoh, let my people go, motherfucker.

Yeah.

mosey walking in there with a stick like fuck you pharaoh get me the fuck out of here oh yeah

yeah yeah yeah all right all right what's your thing if you knew that uh evil david letterman

died yeah i saw that a few weeks ago right evil dave yeah i saw that on the twitter machine yeah

rest in peace i guess huh yeah yeah well i know i i'm not i'm not a big howard stern fan anymore

just like you just because of the way he's uh the way he's acting nowadays it's like you said

very watered down yeah so i'm not a huge fan and shitting on podcasters and i'm a podcaster so

fuck that you know bullshit yeah yeah exactly it's your it's your medium it should yeah you

should be allowed to do whatever you want yeah i think he's just upset that he thought the future

was this satellite thing that he got sold on and it kind of took off it didn't take off man it did

pay to play radio it didn't go i think the only reason satellite radio has a permission it does

is because of new car sales people get introduced that way they keep it maybe and then you call to

cancel it and serious will basically say we'll give you a free fucking radio in six months free

don't fucking go you know they get all like desperate on your ass so that you know i think

yeah i got your back i got a doubt milkman can only be on the line 15 minutes and it cuts off

is that why he kept on uh he kept on kind of quote unquote hanging up on him it was just uh

Because of 15-minute limit?

Yeah, there's a 15-minute, it knocks him right out after 15 minutes every time.

It sucks.

It's strange.

Yeah, it's just sitting somewhere.

Oh, lost him.

You there?

I'm back.

No, I'm still here.

I interrupted you, and I cut myself off.

No, as I dial numbers, you're going to hear, you're here holding music,

and then you're actually not audible to anyone, or including me,

while that happens, so it's a bit confusing.

No, I'm still here.

No, I understand.

Okay.

uh i want to i want to talk about one of your pranks that you did uh several weeks ago sure

um you were talking about um we got milkman back cool hey milkman all right hey our callers asking

about a prank from last few weeks here go ahead go ahead you have the floor caller go ahead i

thought it was funny that you guys were trying to buy condoms from that chinese dude and whenever

you and um uh dwight were starting to talk about all the different sexual acts that were going on

in an orgy and he said yeah and a tiger impregnated a woman and we were all having sex and then and he

said uh-huh and it's all free right yeah yeah yeah he wanted he wanted to be in his big sex party

i'm pretty sure the dude was married because he was like oh i can't call right now i can't talk

right now but i'll do that you can kind of tell it was like yeah i want to have this crazy american

sex party that i've heard about that goes on and he was only like having sex with animals and he

was only concerned about the price yeah like when you hang up immediately yeah oh and that there

were enough women too he said i think that was a thing too because he was he was like i want real

woman real woman that's what he kept saying you wanted a real woman you don't want a lady boy yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah all right cool well thanks for the feedback i appreciate it man i do a lot

of pranks i'm starting to forget them i used to for the first seven eight years of the show i used

used to be able to remember everything if you told me like a few things like oh yeah that prank

and now fuck i can't remember ever since i got there has been so many shuffles i'm telling you

we have reached the voice mailbox for bill harman district manager for wendy's our company is

dedicated to providing our customers with a pleasant dining experience and we do appreciate

any feedback you can give to make us better please leave your name and number and the details of your

visit and bill will return your bill all right that didn't work unfortunately uh oh david's bridal

nice nice nice david's bridal i don't know what i'm gonna do with a bridal shop i have no idea

you have any ideas for a bridal shop anything i could do anything i've done um i i i uh it was a

security card for a bridal shop for a night or two maybe i don't know maybe you could uh i don't know

No, it's hard to say because they leave a lot of that stuff unguarded just at night hanging around.

Wow.

Thank you for calling David's Bridal.

So they need security guards at a bridal store?

That's cool.

To reach our alterations department, press 2.

Bridal show.

To schedule an appointment.

Oh, show.

Oh, my God.

My wife.

Dude, Athena dragged me before we got married.

She dragged me to a bridal show.

That was, there was some crazy fucking money in that show.

Please hold while your call is being transferred.

preferred i saw they so like they had the show and like every model the models would come out

the women would come out with like bouquets and stuff and they would after they were done with

their part they would throw the bouquet at someone and all the women were going crazy to catch a

bouquet and i saw this fat girl get into a fight with a white skinny white guy over a bouquet she

he caught it and she caught at the same time and neither of them would give it up

and you would have thought he was holding like the nicest juiciest pork chop because she broke

they both ended up with half a bouquet this is going right in front of me and my wife

my fiancee at the time i'm just like wow that bitch right there really and then later on

later on she ended up getting handed one because of the situation and she was like

petting it like it was a barbie doll you know it was yeah it was she's all like oh that's

what a freak anyway well how's who who i don't know this i think they're listening i was asking

um if you're if you've done any stand-up since your last show uh no i haven't because it's a

thursday night thing so uh i don't know i was talking i was thinking maybe i'll do one a week

you know and then just do a show on friday that milkman see i don't want to dip into milkman's uh

it's busy night friday i can't do that to him man oh no let's do like do a wednesday do one

One a month, like, man, and do a Wednesday, right?

One a month on Wednesday?

Just try it out.

See what you like.

Do a Wednesday.

One a month on Wednesday.

I've got stacks of notes that I took back in 2012, 2013.

Dude, try it.

Try it that way, dude.

I'm not saying don't do it.

I'm just trying to think, like, so I could be available.

I'd love to be a part of the show, man,

but I don't want you to miss out on an opportunity.

Yeah, I know.

Maybe I will.

I'll think about it.

I've got to talk to that person again.

Again, it's my barber that invited me, my female barber.

Go imagine.

I'll talk to her and see what she thinks because I don't know if once a month,

if I've got to go every week.

I don't know.

We'll see.

Thank you for calling David's Bridal.

Restore hours and directions.

Press 1 to reach our operations department.

I'm sorry.

All lines are busy now.

Please try your call again later.

Oh, come on.

All lines are busy, really?

What were you saying there, Colin?

Sorry.

Go ahead.

a chance of getting together with mr biggs in any capacity i didn't know you were even a fan

oh dude yeah yeah i spent a couple uh a month binging all on mr biggs the original podcast

um back in like 2014 brilliant beyond oh my god dude yeah the the splicing up the audio and all

that shit was great um and he actually commented on one of my youtube videos so maybe yeah i don't

know i'd have to reach out to him you know maybe maybe that'd be very generous yeah he's a cool

dude i love the shit that it was kind of cool seeing you know watching him on brad show and

listening out of character that was kind of neat for a change i enjoyed that whenever he first came

on uh uh brad no what yeah he called into brad and he was yelling at stacy i didn't realize that

he's that quick as mr big character i thought it was all rehearsed and scripted but it turns out

he's he's sharp he was on the fly attack yeah what was he calling her sandy he had a different name

for her he kept saying indy cindy cindy yeah instead of stacy that's what it was you know

yeah that was fun stuff oh a dj sir we misshapen next yeah fucking stacy i don't even know if

stacy remembers who i am i i don't know how much time you spent interacting with stacy compared to

brad but uh maybe mr biggs is the hello thank you for calling music makes you move please hold an

and a representative will be right with you.

On the air.

We're going to have to come back.

Hello?

Man, they came back that fast.

Shit.

That ain't going to work.

They played too much music.

Just because you're a DJ doesn't mean you got to play fucking loud-ass music,

copyright music on your whole fucking guy.

That's right.

Ruining the show.

Jet Blue Puerto Rican vacation packages.

Yeehaw.

All right.

I'll be racist.

There we go.

I'm going to want to go to Puerto Rico.

Puerto Rico.

I got a piece of that.

Thank you for calling Jet Blue.

It says the proms are long, but someone eventually picks up, apparently.

Thank you for calling JetBlue Vacations, where you can save a bundle by booking a bundle.

JetBlue Vacations combines round-trip JetBlue flights with a wide range of hotels and car rentals.

Yeah, JetBlue is a good airline.

I used to fly JetBlue from here

where I live in PA to Orlando

direct before I got butted

it was a good flight

but then they got butted by Southwest

and they left this airport here

that was great because you could pay 20 bucks

and you got upgraded to business class

and it was fucking worth it

they gave you all the drinks you wanted

your expected late time is less than six minutes less than six minutes echo set a timer for five

minutes all right call i'm gonna let you go so we can clear up the line i'm gonna thank you for

joining though thanks for all the feedback been an honor thank you all right talk to you later

call back all right all right his line is now clear i got dropped on that line so i lost his

name sorry uh you know i forgot i'm so high right now i forgot uh but thanks caller fucking line

The line thing got me.

Yeah.

I try to remember.

15-minute limit bullshit.

Yeah.

The thing is, it could be on three different providers.

There's a whole system here for me to find it.

Anyway, 405-396-6884.

That's 405-39-MOUTH.

We have a caller on the line here.

This is like a real talk show.

It's like there's not that long between calls.

Caller, go ahead.

You're on the air machine.

Be nice.

Oh, my name's Big Fat Grim.

Hey there, Carlito.

Hey, Big Fat Grim.

Did I get that right?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, that's me.

Oh, cool.

Like the Brothers Grimm.

Really?

Yeah.

Hey there, Milkman.

I'm a big fan.

Hey, buddy.

All right, man.

Thanks for calling in.

I hear you like marijuana, Milkman.

Is that true?

Oh, my God.

Are you kidding?

I've never tried this stuff.

I'm telling you, man.

Honestly, I've never tried this stuff.

Just shatter.

Yeah, right.

Dude, let me tell you something.

When I started doing the show, I used to, you know, of course, I was smoking a lot of pot back then.

And Milkman was like anti-pot.

Like, look, let me tell you something, hermano.

I used to smoke with that, and it fucks you up, man.

It's like an LSD drug.

And I've been to therapy, and I got off it.

And the next thing I know, I call him and say, yeah, I got my medical card.

And he's doing all this crazy shit that I couldn't get out of here, like concentrates and all that.

I can't get that out.

Back then, I couldn't get it out of here.

I could just get flour.

And, yeah, Milkman, like, what happened?

What changed your mind on it?

Was it medical studies?

was it just like fuck it did you go to a concert and it was being passed around what happened with

you no actually i had a career man i had a very very i had a six-digit career at one time in

six-digit career you can't do that shit easily and get away with it at least i didn't know about

it back then now i know you could have oh yeah i get it and number two once my career stopped

then i i had no medical coverage you know i got really poor and i got very sick and i found out

up but the only thing that worked for my asthma having no uh medical coverage was the medical so

i went and got my prescription somebody let me try it said here try this medical shit i'm like

man i don't want that fucking shit dude i mean i don't need to cry he's like no no try this man

and i tried it and my lungs just like i started coughing so bad dude man i started expectorating

all this crap coming out of my lungs and i realized it worked for my asthma but over time

what happened was the tar would kind of like kick in you know so like i realized it was better to

vape so i talked to a doctor i got my prescriptions he said vape and you won't have any of those

problems so that's why i choose the vape yeah but now you gotta be careful you gotta be careful

with the popcorn lung that's more of a problem with the carts i don't think you can get that

popcorn lung problem just with the straight vaping in a rig you know what i mean with uh

with uh concentrate because that because all you're talking about okay anything's got cutter

and it's got that propylene glycol

in the last year.

That's what's coating people's lungs

and they're getting the popcorn lung,

the shrinking of the areolas.

That's used to make a thin.

Yeah.

But I prefer that.

The vaporize product itself,

you're better off using the product itself

to vaporize, right?

Yep, yep, yep.

Raw product, nothing in it.

By the way, I got a dry herb vape pen

and I didn't like it.

It was just like smoking it.

It sucks.

None of them work.

what's the point yeah they you get one good hit and that and that's it yeah i was like ah

the only thing that works for flour portably is the volcano they got the electronic volcano thing

it actually works it'll work with about three they're about three bills three or four bills

fuck that give me a blunt but they work dude you can trade flour on the port they work on

on the portable, but they're very expensive.

Like the packs are like $200.

Don't waste your money on a pack.

I done did it.

Fuck that shit.

Yeah, fuck that.

I'm not going to be walking around portable with a $300 thing,

walking around with like a PlayStation 4 just so I can use weed.

No, no, no.

These motherfuckers I'm talking about, dude, you can put in your pocket.

They're small.

They're smaller than a remote.

Ah, man.

Hello?

Yeah.

Thank you for calling Capital Vacations.

This is Aga.

How may I help you?

Hey, what's your name?

Aga?

Yes, ADA.

Ada.

Oh, cool.

That's a good language.

I like it.

Cool.

I wanted to go to Puerto Rico.

Okay.

So how do I pay for stuff there?

Do I pay with coconuts or pineapples?

Well, I don't think they will accept coconuts.

They might accept pineapples.

Echo, stop.

I thought pineapple was more how you buy stuff in Hawaii.

I don't know.

Yeah, but Hawaii is different.

Okay.

I saw one area that I think is on the west side of the island that has pineapples.

But they didn't have coconuts, so they might have sent you coconuts there, but pineapples.

Okay, shut up.

Yeah, ignorant.

Okay.

I got to urinate when the toilets, how do they work there?

Is it a hole in the ground or like a...

Excuse me, I just need to call for a vacation package or you talking nonsense.

What did you say, ma'am?

I'm going to have to cut this call.

No, no, no.

I'm calling about a vacation package.

Well, what I heard you say was not a vacation package.

Well, I'm asking questions about the country that I'm going to be going to,

the Island Republic of Puerto Rico.

I was looking up information.

They said that there's a lot of latrine use there, not so much water,

and that you can't drink the water because you can get diarrhea.

You have to order bottled water.

Yes.

But Puerto Rico is a modern island, and so I don't know where you've seen your information.

I got it from Infowars.com.

Okay.

Well, all right, so what can you...

What kind of packets are you looking for?

Huh?

How many packets?

What kind of packets?

Yeah.

Well, look, I like a hotel that has a toilet in it, you know, that I can use, like a western toilet.

All our hotels are modern, like any hotel here in the U.S.

Okay, and does the water go?

How does the water work?

The water works perfectly, just like any hotel here in the United States.

All right, and I want to make sure that I don't have a gas lamp.

I would actually like a switch on the wall.

There's this thing called a light switch, and you pull it down to turn off.

I'm sorry, I have to end this call.

Yeah, you have to go touch yourself.

Yeah, whatever, lady.

We lost Milkman there.

Caller, I'm going to let you go because it's coming up on break time,

and I've got to call Milkman back.

He's ignorant, you know?

Oh, yeah, that's fine.

No problem.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, hang on.

I've got a question real quick.

Oh, sure.

Go ahead, bro.

Yeah, go ahead.

Fuck Milkman, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fuck Milkman.

Did you hear about how Lisa Franklin committed suicide by cop or whatever?

She did what?

Suicide by cop?

No.

Yeah.

How?

She did.

Look it.

Get out of here.

What?

What? She got shot by a cop? That's not how she died?

Yeah, she pulled a shotgun on a cop and tried to shoot him, and she got shot in the head.

Oh, I don't think so. I thought she was in the hospice.

What are you talking about? When was this?

This is once, like, in the past, or this actually happened now?

This was today.

Today? She had suicide by a cop.

All right, sure, I'll look it up. I'll find out about that.

Is this a joke, or are you being serious?

Yeah, I'm a prankster. I'm a prankster.

Oh, okay. I was going to say, holy shit, that'd be a fucking...

I don't know how she'd do it, but that'd be badass.

They'll probably blame the cop.

You know how they are these days, those BLM people.

Yeah, like, oh, Black Lives Matter.

The queen is dead.

all right well good joke good you got me i thought for a second

hey whoa whoa come on man that's not that's not nice all right that's not cool what the hell's

going on over there nothing all right it was cool man he's puerto rican dude yeah we we we i was

ignorant damn puerto rican what the hell's wrong with that people yeah i know they never heard of

Remember that cool little toilet?

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

All right.

Caller.

Thanks for calling, brother.

Thanks, man.

Talk to you later.

Hey, thanks for calling, brother.

I'm sorry I couldn't talk to you much longer.

All right, cabrón, pendejo.

Oh, no, man.

All right, that's the caller.

And we probably, we might have time for one more quick call.

405-396-6884.

405-396-6884-275-0972R.

Call that right now.

You can be right there.

Right there where you call.

We got the Pink Spiders show.

Pink Spiders, man.

Oh, Pink Spiders.

Oh, my goodness.

Yeah.

You need to shave that stuff, honey.

The barking spider.

Caller, you're on the air.

Please don't be a mean person.

Hey, Carlito with defense.

Hey, son.

Oh, man.

I had to go take a break soon.

You called early.

What's up?

Hey, thanks for offering to help me out.

Hopefully, I don't have to have you keep doing the prank calls of the week, but it sucks.

I even made the whole thing.

I was ready to go, and it fucking died on me.

Hey, man, I don't mind.

No problem at all.

Thank you, buddy.

Thanks, man.

No problem.

What's up, Milkman?

Hey, good to hear you, man.

Thanks for helping out, bro.

We appreciate it, man.

Anytime.

I enjoy it.

He's too busy doing marijuana to talk to you.

I got your numbers, too.

I'll call one of them right now.

Share a large colonial...

What's a colonial?

Is it a house?

A colonial house?

Yeah, yeah.

Sounds like it.

Yeah, yeah.

We have those in my state.

uh you don't have them in your state i'm more i know i'm more into like a ranch house

your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system

i'm more of a ranch house kind of guy let me try to dial that again it sounds like he's on

the phone or she just uh bought a new computer today speaking of computers the other day oh

yeah what'd you get you get a compact compact i don't think there's such a thing anymore

i got an asus asus it is asus right i think i i know the company came out and made a video

on YouTube saying, this is how you say the name

of our company it was a korean lady or something she's like you'll say it like so how do i know

for sure she has an accent uh your call has been forwarded to an automatic you got an aculo

computer i'll try back at stable 80 man she never called you back well after i pee she'll be out

the bank by now i will hope so you know you know it's yeah you better hurry up and test them well

no we got a break break's coming up i'm gonna take a break after this call attempt here because i

I've got to go pee, and that way we come back and we get a nice, beefy hour.

Nice, beefy, beefy hour.

Beefy, beefy.

Ethan, you're welcome to call back in later if you want.

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

Because you're getting cut short, and that's not right.

I've got 12 minutes before I get cut off.

Hello?

Hi.

You've got a female roommate wanted?

Yes.

Okay.

All right.

What can you tell me about the room?

Is it a room for Cher?

Is it for you?

No, it's for a female.

I'm not a female.

What's the name?

Well, she goes by Chula, but her name is Stacy.

Okay.

Yeah.

What can you tell me about her?

Well, she's a college student.

She also is an actress.

She's trying to break into acting.

She hosts a podcast.

So how about you have her give me a call?

Well, she's kind of busy.

You have my number.

She's kind of busy right now, you know?

Well.

She wanted me to.

Yeah.

Yeah, she wanted me to maybe just get some information for her.

Oh, okay.

Well, so sorry.

I'm busy, too.

Bye.

Okay, what are you doing?

Are you touching it also?

Oh, boy.

All right.

That's the dead's wife, everyone, calling in.

You let her head down right there.

She didn't take your message.

That's the dead's wife.

Oh, shit.

The dead.

Man, man, man, man.

I think I've got the dead's cell phone number.

I'm going to get it on the break.

We'll give him a call.

I think, I think.

Ethan, hang on.

let me do a couple more

I can hold it

I'm just going to get

to the part right

when my

it feels like

he likes to squeeze on it

that's what it is

don't worry about it

he'll do another call

when the tip of my penis

feels like it's getting

ready to burst

and there's beads of urine

coming out of it

that's when I like the worst

that's the worst

oh it's the best feeling

though when you finally pee

that's when your teeth

have already come

out of your mouth

that's called holding

and then you're like

shaking

you're shaking

when you get the shake

that's the worst

the worst feeling

is when you

After you ejaculate, we have to piss.

Oh, that's the worst.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's true.

That's true, yeah, because that's a biological function, right?

Shutting off the urine so it doesn't contact us.

The two of them interrupt, dude.

It sucks.

Anytime you go to piss during a session, that fucking blows.

Well, you got to piss before, man.

And ladies out there, you got to take a shit before because you don't know if you're going to get in the ass.

You never know.

It could happen accidentally.

You know, wrong hole.

You got to at least get that pipe cleaned out, honey.

yeah as well as a little bit of heat in there yeah there's a lot of heat more heat in there

yeah definitely yeah clean out them pipes ladies my recommendation shave it put a little effort

into it down there too you know shave it clean it scrub the labia scrub the labes exactly all

right back to numbers here we'll do now we'll do that sailor one i said all right sailor let's see

that's next on the list need experienced sailor to help deliver boat nice all right and i got

your recommendation here we won't have any spoilers big tony tony soprano wants us to

deliver this to guys yeah was that joey pantoliano that played um joey pants played big pussy

that was season one didn't happen calling you got the right number but the wrong time i am

off saving the world but if you would leave your name number in a short message look you

tony soprano all right i can't hold it anymore ethan i gotta let you go i gotta take a pee

You got to take a break.

All right, bro.

Oh, it was Vinny Pastore, by the way.

Vinny Pastore.

Yeah.

True.

All right.

Well, thanks for correcting me.

You got me on my Sopranos trivia.

All right, brother.

See you, man.

Thanks for everything.

Appreciate it.

Bye.

Peace, buddy.

All right.

Hold your calls because we're taking a break, everybody.

Don't call.

Don't do it, motherfucker.

He's got to go flap his labia.

I don't have no labia.

I'm a man.

I know.

I hear you.

Your face has a labia.

everyone go vlog go vlog if you're not guilty when we come back we got more numbers to get to

we got more calls to get to we got numbers in boston we got i'd like to call that the that

one you said milkman we should call back again that machine that's right that's right we will

we got barbers needed we got car garage maybe we'll get some more smoothies up in us do a smoothie

enema that's a good idea i think it's nice smoothie wait a minute is that timing is that

at vegas timing vegas timing right is it vegas timing yeah yeah we're on vegas time motherfuckers

all right so everyone madhouse live.com in the meantime we'll be right back after this i don't

know why the music just decided uh hang on hang on we don't do it like that here jeremy's no no no

all right all right everyone we'll be right back after this give me like uh eight minutes

You're listening to Madhouse Live.

I'm the largest prank call station in the nation.

Prank call nation.

Radio will be back right after this.

I hope they put your GPS in your box and a trap on them.

So when you die, you open a trap door at the bottom.

You check the GPS and you go straight to hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

Yo, yo, this makes, you know what I'm saying?

You got niggas that don't like me for whatever reason.

You got niggas that don't want to see me rich.

You got niggas that's mad because I'm always with they bitch.

Then you got niggas that just don't like me.

You know, those P.A.P. niggas.

But you know, I pop a lot of shit, but I back it up though

See, there's a difference, a lot of niggas pop shit

A lot of niggas don't make hits

But it's like, this whole bad boy shit

We come to bring it to y'all niggas

Me, B.I., Puff, Lox, whoever, Black Rock

We dance, we dance, we dance, we dance

Excuse me, speaking of father recorders, holy shit, huh?

The Catholic shit.

What the hell's going on up there in fucking Pennsylvania?

That's here, that's where I live, man.

man. Central PA is one of the

diocese...

They're putting

the penis back in PA, I guess.

Penis-ylvania, man.

Here's the crazy shit.

I was reading, I still regularly read

the Orlando Sentinel, the Orlando newspaper

where I was born and raised. I've only

lived in PA for six years now.

Long story, but

the front headline there was that

one of these priests from

Pennsylvania

ended up getting a letter of recommendation

recommendation from the bishop who had who knew about his sexual allegations and his sexual

conduct um the letter of recommendation was for a job you won't believe where the letter

recommendation went to milkman in orlando disney world this former priest got a job at disney world

based on a letter of recommendation from the catholic bishop who was in charge of him and

And moved him several times to different parishes because of complaints of sexual misconduct.

Yeah.

I don't know.

You know the score about Disney, right?

Walt Disney was a pedophile, you're saying?

Or the...

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Like, I experienced...

I remember I told you I was in broadcast television and I worked in radio stations, too, as well.

Right.

Back in the day, a lot of people, back when Disney was starting to get big in the 90s,

um like on the scene like uh commercialized that people would go to work there well they were known

for hiring like openly gay people like they were like very like like uh ignorant of that they

didn't care about if you're gay or whatever they wanted you to come there if you're creative so

early on at least from the early 90s that i remember there's a lot of like the gay people

like that i knew at the tv station and shit were trying to get jobs there some of them went down

down there got jobs, so they had a history of an openly gay culture back there.

Oh, yeah, and it's still like that.

There's a lot of the workers there are homosexual,

especially the cast members are gay, because come on, man.

So my only thinking is, if that's the case, then where would a priest go

that's gay that wants to, you know, assault people,

but there's lots of gay people that work there, I guess.

I don't know.

I don't think that makes much sense to me.

me but it just seems kind of curious that we you know maybe seems kind of gay would you say that

would you agree with that assessment i just i can't say i'm never good at bar i'm just gonna

say that why would all these other qualifications other than priest and raping right yeah i could

be gay right or worse all right okay all right all right all right back here let's do some new

Noonoo numbers here for good old Noonoo.

He sent in a number for a Thai embassy in Hawaii, and I guess...

What? Noonoo's got Hawaiian numbers?

Hey, Noonoo, my idiot buddy.

Yeah, he usually sticks to the, you know, the British stuff, but hey, here we go.

Good old Noonoo.

He's only one...

Noonoo's my old buddy.

He's only one of those two.

He's still an idiot.

I can't believe he's still alive, dude.

That's the only guy out there older than me.

He's an old... for an owl, too, because he only lived to be like 10 years, you know.

Thai consulate.

Yeah, Thailand.

You have a new king?

For some time now.

Yeah, is he a bigger asshole than the other one was?

The old one?

I'm sorry?

Is he a bigger asshole than the previous king was?

His dad?

Can you tell me what this call is about?

The king of Thailand's an asshole, basically.

What are you going to do about it?

You're going to lock me up and cane me or something?

You can't do anything about it.

This is America.

We live in a free society.

We can say whatever we want.

Okay

You know

The king of Thailand

Molests children

And he goes to

Disney World in Florida

And he sucks the penises

Of the little boys

In the corner

He goes in the closet

In the rides

He goes

He takes them in the closet

And he kisses the boys

And he

And he sucks their penis

Oh okay

Anything else you have to say?

Yeah

And why don't you guys

Back us up with China

Why aren't you

Why are you letting them

Get away with shit

You're letting them

Encourage into the

South China Sea

Like we could really

Use your guys' help

You know

know the spratly islands the spratly islands tick tick tell you what tick tick tick tick yeah

what tick tick tick tick i'm a big fan of your food though i like green curry it's really good

when you put the coconut sauce in it bad time yeah bad time but the the king of the your king he he

has someone ejaculate in it before he eats it okay that's all i got for you buddy i just i don't like

your king he's an asshole okay and i know you call him what do you call him my father our father

is that what you're calling hello mr yeah is there anything else anything else uh you need to say

uh-huh where can i go to get the best like sex show is that pat patia patia beach do you want

to leave your name no well i can answer now when we're booking back is there do you have do you

have this patia beach anything does patia beach have the nice sex show god you motherfucker you

you know that hey what's the country code over there in thailand i'm gonna call some people

in thailand what's the country code out there uh you can find it on the internet no it doesn't

work it doesn't work the internet okay is there anything else no go away hang up i command you

to hang up the phone you're pissing me off get the fuck out of here motherfucker lady boy fuck

him get upset or something the chinese embassy i called the guy was like fuck are you to me

that was a great lady boy why didn't the king die i was trying to get you

That was a while ago.

That was a while ago, yeah.

Yeah, they keep dying, dude.

Yeah, but dude, they'll lock you up for saying anything bad about the king.

Hey, guys, I'm pretty sure I can never go to Thailand

because the minute I get off, there's probably going to be some Thai agents

who are going to be like, come here, mister.

Dude, if they figure out it's you, they're going to kill your fucking ass, dude.

I have a friend who had a picture sitting in the throne.

He wasn't in the king, wasn't there, man.

He snuck into the picture, sat in the fucking throne.

Right.

They had to fucking kill for that shit.

Wow, dude.

How did he get into the king's throne?

I don't fucking know.

It wasn't in the main palace.

It was like one of these places where he said that, dude.

I'm fucking out.

He had a picture.

I was like, you motherfucking crazy motherfucker.

Everyone, be sure to go over to discord.gg forward slash pranks.

Milkman's going to be joining hopefully soon.

Discord.gg forward slash pranks.

I'm expecting that we're going to have amateur prank night.

It usually happens after the show, hosted by Palindrome, over there at the Pranks, at the Hijinx Discord.

Discord.gg says Pranks.

You can go to MadHouseLive.com, and there's a big link for it right on the front page.

Go there, go into the voice chat, and join in.

Do some pranks.

I might show up.

Maybe.

I've got to work tomorrow, but I might show up there for a little bit, you know?

I'll have to go in there a little bit, a little bit, get my phone dick a little more wet than I already did.

Also, be sure to follow me on Twitter, MadHouse on Twitter, and you can look me up on Facebook.

I'm Carlito Cross on Facebook, facebook.com slash madhouse.live.

All right, all right.

Links for that all on madhouselive.com.

Here's a number for a takeaway in the U.K., Takeaway U.K.

Used to be called Mognese, but order touched some kids,

and the guy who just answered said simply delicious.

Whoa, okay.

Some kids.

Yeah.

Oh, my goodness.

So I think they have rebranded.

thinks they have rebranded it because of the kid toucher owner but come on simply delicious

they're open very late find out if the owner is still in prison or not please milkman said uh

nunu says he says please he needs to know because he's a family member of nunu's and nunu needs to

know they have they haven't been able they haven't heard from him since the arrest since the consul

came and knocked him on the head everyone if you want to call in 405-3966-884-405-3966

I think we're going to get an answer, Nunu.

They're probably asleep.

Are they open 24-7?

Yeah.

He says they're open V-late, which means either very late or vagina late.

Either way, that's fucking late.

The vagina goes to sleep very late.

Gone, dude.

So we had a caller coming in.

I'm sorry I missed your call.

If you want to call in, 405-396-6884.

Like I said before, I am watching.

Here it is.

Hello, caller.

You're on the air.

Please be nice.

Hey, Co-Leader.

It's Ethan again.

Hey, Ethan.

Got you back.

Good, good, good.

Back to your numbers, because we've exhausted Nunu numbers.

Nunu, can you work on getting some UK blokes, UK wankers?

It's been a while.

You got to call that woman back to horse stable, man.

Oh, yeah.

She was at the bank.

All right.

We'll do that.

She was at the bank.

She said she'd call you.

So, like, don't play no games with fucking Hermano.

Well, it's so busy here.

She may have called him.

I was kind of goofy.

Don't play no games with the Hermano.

Akulo needs to play.

I was kind of goofy at the end there.

Maybe that's why she didn't call back.

But.

No.

You?

You can't.

Get out.

What?

Me curse?

No.

Oh, this is hair station rental.

Oops.

Let's see if they answer still.

Thank you for calling.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

I was calling about a hair station rental.

Yes.

Yeah.

What can we do for you?

I'd like to shave the labia.

I'm sorry?

I'd like to shave the labia.

I don't understand.

What's that?

I need to shave the labia.

Okay.

I had the wrong number.

Let me get this table now.

I'm calling back, and I can't get in.

Oh, my God.

Are you there?

I'm here.

What's up?

Okay, I'll leave him in the room.

Do what I have to do.

My bad.

I called the hair station back again, and she answered, and I said labia.

It was so funny.

Oh, we missed it.

It was the best call.

It's going to be on prank calls of the month.

Boarding stable, this is Karen.

Hello, Karen.

I'm calling about my horsey, Akulo, that needs to be boarded.

I think you're right.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I forgot.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

it's okay because we're all so busy we get so busy sometimes lord help us and true but the good lord

you know put you down my path and the lord spoke to me and he said this is the number to call

well the problem first of all i saw a table recently well it's still open but um i sold it

to people who are running it and actually they love resources um at the moment i don't think

she has anything available but why why why put the ad in and you don't have anything why

well it's a website that's up all the time you know but i again i don't i can't speak for her

i know there is i believe i i believe she's rented out it wasn't himself but i'm not sure so

what you need to do is talk to the owner her name is rita is she ignorant or something i beg your

pardon is she ignorant or something is this an ignorant stable and what's going on here

whatever that lady just pisses me off milkman she frosts my onions you know

i'll try her again i don't think she's gonna pick up maybe she'll be angry now

i don't think so what happened there she's just saying that her friend put the ad and it wasn't

real it is whatever that she's full you're calling me back you're calling me again you're calling me

Oh, oops, oops, oops, oops, oops, oops.

Wrong number.

Oops, okay.

I can do this.

Thank you, Milkman.

Thanks for the heads up.

Well, I saw a ring, and then I was like, no, that's the same number.

That's you.

Uh, okay.

I can do this.

I've been doing this for long enough that I can figure it out.

No, man, I want to get into it, though.

I saw the first episode.

It was cool.

You look like the guy Batista on that show.

Oh, I wouldn't know.

I really don't think you want to bring your horse to our stable.

Yeah, I do. I need him masturbated.

Hello? Okay, whatever.

No, I've never seen it.

Can you bring the cat instead? Okay, we've got a cat.

You've got a cat at the board?

What's a cat?

We've got a cat.

Oh, I see where you're going with that.

I'm confused. I don't know what you're getting at there.

I'm going to try

that Tony guy again. Let's see if he picks up

this time.

It's fucking Tony.

Tony Montana.

What number did you call and talk about, lady?

Is it the barber I sent you or number one?

No, it was a barber.

I heard that, dude.

I heard it.

I tried to play it back on the air, but I got cut off.

Good call.

The first thing I heard when they picked up the phone was the first girl saying,

He's called several times.

Hello, is that Tony?

Yeah, who's this?

Hey, how you doing?

This is Cross.

I see you need an experienced sailor to deliver a boat machine.

My buddy's supposed to be taking off on a boat tomorrow.

Okay, so do you need the...

And he's never sailed or anything before.

Oh, cool.

Cool.

Well, I can help out.

Where are you located at?

I'm Captain Cross.

I'm in Stanford.

You are in Stanford?

Yeah.

Well, can I give you my buddy's number and you give him a call?

Because I think he would plan it on taking off in the morning by himself.

Oh, shit.

Let me see.

Hey, Ethan, are you there?

Ethan's my skipper.

Ethan, can you copy this number down?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right.

One second.

All right.

Let me get my goddamn pen.

All right, go ahead.

All right, all right there, big guy.

Go ahead.

Tony, come on, man.

You're busting my balls here.

You're breaking my balls.

Here you go.

Yeah, I got two numbers for him.

I don't know which one is the right one here.

Let's go.

There's seven of them.

That was last.

It was three nine?

Yeah, five nine.

All right.

All right, all right.

I got those.

All right there, big Tony.

You got a big ass on you?

How big a boy are you?

Yeah, you got a big barrel ass on you?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah?

I like to kick you in the shins

you know and pull your pants down

well that'd be great you know you had the best message ever

I didn't understand a freaking word when I called your number back

oh yeah

are you circumcised good message

alright thank you are you circumcised

oh yeah

below the ankle

okay nice right it goes down to there

alright alright Tony fuck you alright we're gonna call your friend

alright see you buddy

oh perfect man you guys

shut up all right can you say that to me on facebook you have the ability yep just did

nice i hear i hear the ding let me get that there's there's two of them sorry for the silence

everyone uh let me pull it up i typed those in like to like a separate tab on fucking chrome

so sorry it's a little ghetto that's all right did he give a name for this no he didn't shit

this is buddy all right well we'll see tony called we're gonna do this fast for calls

I'm sorry, the person you are trying to reach has a voicemail box that has not been set up yet.

Call right back.

I know.

You're right.

We can take advantage of that.

I'm sorry, the person you are trying to reach has a voicemail box that has not been set up yet.

That's fine.

We got a second number there, brother.

Don't worry about it.

That's a Las Vegas number.

Is the second one a different area code?

Is that accurate?

Yes, different area code.

But the first one, that's the last thing I get there.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I saw that.

You must be from out of town.

That's funny because my area code is coming up.

I shouldn't get that out.

Oh,

we should call from Tony's number.

Yeah, hey, Tony told us to give you a call.

Hey.

Yeah, he just called me.

Yeah, he said you needed a skipper for a boat.

Yeah, big time.

Yeah, he was, he, does he have problems?

Does he drink or something?

He was saying some real nasty stuff to us.

No, he's just a little bit off.

off well i'll say he was asking us like if we were circumcised what yeah he asked us if we're

circumcised he yeah he's a nut he said he wanted us to show you like a really good time what yeah

oh i'm gonna kill this guy we run a legit operation here sir but i mean if you want

ethan he's my uh my skipper he can he does if you want you know oral or he does like license

Licensed massage.

What's that?

Naked cruises down the shore.

We all get on the boat, get naked, pop champagne.

Yeah.

Masturbate.

You masturbate?

Okay, you guys are just like a crankball.

You guys are calling from Laughlin, Nevada.

Yeah, so what about it?

You live in Vegas yourself, looks like.

No.

Why do you have a Vegas number?

That's not a Vegas number, dude.

Take it easy.

You don't make me come down there, all right?

I'll bite you.

Yeah, Tony says he doesn't want to be friends with me anymore either.

He's not friends with you anymore?

Okay.

What?

Tony says he doesn't want to be friends with this fucking guy anymore either.

Okay.

With me?

No, with the douchebag that we're calling.

The fucking attitude he's given right now.

Oh, fuck.

That's why.

Yeah.

Yeah, Tony hates your ass.

Okay.

He said he wanted us to take you up the river.

Yeah, bring a pair of cement shoes tomorrow.

Yeah, he says show you a good time.

He said, throw you overboard, scare you a little bit.

The boy got a perky mouth.

Yeah, and then we're going to fuck you a little bit, you know?

All right, I'm not gay, dude.

Well, I mean, you don't.

What's his call about?

Tony clearly is.

Yeah, Tony clearly wants to make you gay.

Is he trying to recruit you or something?

No, he's not gay, dude.

How about I call Tony and find out?

I'll put him on the line and we can figure it out.

All right.

All right?

Hey, thanks for wasting my time.

Whatever, cocksucker.

Oh, I made my own baby, but the fucking guy.

I was even laughing before I was sneezing.

I have a cold, dude.

About the masturbation.

I confused your voices.

I'm sorry.

You all sound the same to me.

I've had this cold the past two days.

It sucks I should have masked the ID,

but like, yeah, we got your friend Tony here.

Yeah.

Thanks for calling.

You got the right number, but the wrong time.

I am off saving the world,

but if you would leave your name, number, and a short message...

Shut up, Tony.

...I am able...

Shut the fuck up.

all right another call need a ride to boston from new york city nice it's a chick too

the uh next on that list could possibly be an old god bill sound clip oh yeah the guy's name

is bill nice okay all right yeah blackmail i have a video of you yeah yeah i got a video of you

from the 80s i remember you did that one with uh fucking the golf course you call it yeah

or something like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You guys are like,

okay.

Sorry,

but the person you called

has a voicemail box.

There's another one

set up like that.

Sorry,

but the person you called

has a voicemail box.

Okay.

Have you ever found out

the name of Famous Rich

on the

Seattle Airlines

flight there

that was at Pacific Air?

What?

Famous Rich?

The guy,

Rich,

the guy that flew

the airplane last week,

man,

did the big barrel roll.

Took him so far.

Took off in the fucking,

That audio was awesome.

He went out like a true pranker, man.

I'll tell you what.

That motherfucker was cool as fuck, man.

I don't think I'm going to land.

He did.

He fucking ditched the motherfucker.

He almost ran out of fuel.

He almost ran out of fuel anyway.

He barely had any left.

He did the one last barrel and then ditched it.

Yeah, what was his name?

I haven't found out his last name.

All I know is his name was Rich.

and he was like the ground the guy you see out there like you know like wearing a second ear

much you know whenever the pilot's out front you know usually he's the guy out there on the ground

yeah yeah well i'll call him he's a hero man call his family and tell him thank you

no the mind's breathing time i'm joking i'm just joking here's my hero dude i think the guy the

guy do have a fly plane that's sure this was awesome hi you reach bill please leave a detailed

message and your phone number come on big bill try and bill one more time and then after this

attempt i think it'll be voicemail we'll catch up on some voicemails coming down to time it was 10

p.m it's 9 34 we'll do some voicemails i can't play them all you reach bill please leave it oh

god bill not answering all right ethan thanks again i'm gonna clear the line gonna get some

voicemail we're gonna start winding down thanks for calling in brother oh hey what's up uh joey

guns okay all right yes joey guns let's see if he picks up i don't know if he's in if he's normally

there on the on the thursday we'll find out oh okay so if we do joey guns you got to be the one

to do the call though that's the problem because he knows me now all right that's why he'll reckon

yeah yeah i can jump in there and get a little squeeze one off but he gets on the line year 40

yeah next new york meetup definitely that's i think that's our spot absolutely it was a fun

No, no, they had nice brews, and I didn't have any of the food, but it sure looked good.

I had the food with that burger.

I think that burger was excellent.

Yeah, it looked good.

Man, I should have had a burger there.

Then we went out to get pizza in Times Square of all places, paid like 60 bucks for pizza.

Garbage.

God, it was garbage, too.

It was so stupid.

How's the pizza out by you?

You know, there's a couple good places.

Thank you for calling Beer Authority.

How may I help you?

Yeah, hey, is Big Joey there?

The Joey guy?

I'm sorry.

Alright, um, can you say that again?

Is, uh, is Joey there?

The guy that works downstairs by the door?

Is, is Joe, Joey there?

Yeah.

Um, I can check for you.

Um, may I ask who's speaking?

Uh, it's his cousin.

It'll be the family emergency.

Try to get a hold of him.

He won't answer his cell phone.

Maybe she heard family emergency and went, oh shit!

Oh shit, hold on.

Yeah, but he's probably like, I ain't got no cousin, got no mercy.

I'm trying to get Milkman back on here on the side.

Ah, he picked up and hung off the bastard.

He did it again.

He knows.

Motherfucker.

God damn it.

I let it answer the phone.

Yeah, I forgot to let him rest for a couple months.

Then hit him up again, I think.

That's going to be...

Yeah.

Nice guy.

He's a funny guy.

And a nice guy in person.

Yeah.

All right.

He is.

All right, Ethan.

All right, man.

Be easy, man.

Take it easy.

You too.

I'll talk to you next week.

All right.

See you then.

Bye.

All right.

Let's get Milkman back on because he hit his 15-minute limit.

And then we'll get us some voicemails.

Voicemails.

I was just saying Puerto Rico voicemail.

Now's a good time, if you haven't,

head over to madhouselife.com and click all the links.

Click everything you can click there.

Click it all, motherfucker.

No YouTube donations today.

I had it all set up to give props,

and no one sent a milkman.

Hey, buddy, I got you back.

What the hell's going on over there, man?

I got my fingers on wrong buttons.

I'm sure.

Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, I know.

All right, here's some voicemail.

Let's get some voicemail.

We can't play them all because it's all time.

Oh, we're playing voicemails now?

We got a few here to get to.

Yeah, we got a few to get to here.

Ethan's gone?

Ethan's gone.

Yes, it's me and you now.

See you later, buddy.

Let's see.

Oh, I got to turn it up.

I called up the Madhouse radio show.

Trying to talk to my good buddy, Carvino.

That's me.

But he won't answer the phone?

Nope, because you're white.

He thinks it's because of my race.

Exactly.

It's racial, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

Didn't you say it so?

Yes.

I knew it.

You knew it, boy.

Oh, I hate you, White Crackers.

Here's another one.

Now, how are you going to go and do that?

I'm trying to call you all this time.

Can't get through.

And then I'll say, well, look, there's a phone call.

And you pick up the phone.

And it's some other guy.

It ain't even me.

Ah, dude, yeah.

I mean, yeah, right now there's someone calling, but we're playing voicemail.

Let's see what this is.

Oh, nothing.

Nothing?

All right, here's another one.

Hey, Carlito, this is Bob Vance.

Bob Vance! Bob Vance is a cool dude.

Good guy.

Calling in with the

420-666 number.

Nice, nice.

Just calling from my call machine

at my computer.

Alright, bye.

Maybe you can get on before we end the show.

Bob Vance, good people.

What else we got here?

Maybe I'm calling the wrong number.

This guy again.

Alright, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I want to hear it.

Alright, I'll play him.

All right, all right, all right.

Here we go.

Yeah, he's funny.

If he wasn't funny, then I'm going to be like, cut him.

He's funny.

Maybe I'm calling the wrong number.

Is this the right number to call?

Spit out the number again.

What number?

Dude, what number are you?

What number is he calling?

That is true.

I don't know what he's calling.

He did make a valid point.

We don't read the number enough.

That is true.

Whatever reason he's not getting through, I think it's this time.

So maybe it could be his gimmick.

So this may be his gimmick.

All right.

All right, let's get to all of them.

Here's another one.

Appreciate it.

Is this shit supposed to say front reception?

Is it the Carlito show?

People are confused about the front reception.

I've got to come up with something else.

Here's another one.

No, I love it, dude.

Leave it, leave it.

It's beautiful, dude.

It's my first time, man.

People don't know what to say.

It's a complete Ali's Chapel.

It's one of your...

Leave it.

Come on, man.

Answer the phone.

There he is again.

All right, here's one.

Hello?

It's me, Dwight's brother.

Answer the goddamn phone.

oh shit dwight's brother dwight's brother dwight's brother oh okay now he's dwight's brother okay

all right hey carlito i have a great idea for a prank call oh here we go call a papa john

and ask the guy to wipe his dick on the pizza oh and if it's a girl gonna wipe her pussy

Pussy on the pizza.

Okay.

Bye.

Okay, Mr. Feminine Guy.

Okay, fuck it.

Nice suggestion.

I don't figure they've ever thought of that.

We'll have to do that on our next call.

That would probably be the only way that guy gets to eat pussy.

I'm sorry.

That's not nice to say.

Hey, man.

At least he likes his plight.

He mentioned pussy.

Give him the credit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He mentioned pussy.

He said, like, I like the guy.

Yeah, he's an equal guy.

Give him a thumbs up on the call.

Yeah, let's hear it for him.

Go start for that guy.

I don't know.

He's not gay, bro.

Probably.

See, you guys are talking about medicinal, and I've got a lot of information on that.

This guy knows his weed.

I could be a good advisor.

All right, let's see.

Oh, my God, this guy's a trip.

Hey, Carlito, it's me, Chris, and I got my friend here, Matthew.

He likes Mafia.

Okay, he likes Mafia, everyone.

Mafia, yeah, whatever that is.

Okay, there's a Voity.

There's a Voity sound list.

Oh, yeah, I know.

Big cross.

Brad Carter said you're a piece of shit.

What?

The most recent podcast, he said you're a fucking piece of shit.

So, you're a piece of shit.

Fuck you.

Motherfucker, Brad.

You said that, and now this guy believes it.

And now you said it.

I'm not going to get a punch in the mouth.

Fucking Brad fucking ass Carter.

I'm not going to get a punch in.

I'm going to put my fist in your stomach.

Yeah, right.

Brad fucking Cracker.

I want to say a big thanks to dragon myrrh who called in last week dragon Mary donated $1 through

On YouTube. Thank you, sir

Brad what's up? Yes, even your fans are turning on on you and tell them riding me out riding you out about

Fuck are you fucking

You better save room in your stomach for my fist.

God damn it.

That's what it was.

Yeah.

Yeah, by the way, if you donate on YouTube, you can leave a message and I'll read it out.

I'll say it.

You can make me talk about, you know, enemies and all that kind of shit.

I'll talk about it.

No, I won't.

No, no, no, no, no.

I won't.

It's a little soap opera shit.

Come on, man.

Whatever.

Let it be.

Jack Heliquin sending in a donation, $2, and said he did $2 suck it, other guy.

Yeah.

Jack Heliquin.

Thanks, big Jack.

Thanks, Jack.

Keep going, baby.

I like you, man.

Cool.

Yeah.

Jack's that crazy clown guy, and he's been helping out with graphics for the show.

Yeah?

You know, graphics for the show and all that motherfucker shit.

Hey, I like that.

I want to see, man.

Show me, show me.

I like that kind of stuff.

Here's a voicemail.

I'm interested in all the art talent.

You know, man?

You know how many of the art people out here I've, like, met and, like, seen their stuff?

Dude, I can't believe that guy had, yeah, that homeboy in Chicago had sold all the art

that was Madhouse-themed and made 20-something hundred dollars.

That's 2000, yeah.

I wish I could at least see a picture of it.

Like, I'm not trying to get credit.

I just like to see what was, like, done with the creativity that we inspired.

That's all.

Hook us up with a reprint, dog.

All right, here's Jack's people.

Yeah, so, yeah, man.

Hey, Carlito, it's Jack Eloquin, that weird clown-looking guy.

I just want to say I'm really happy that you're really sticking with the YouTube thing.

Yeah.

I'm really excited.

If you ever need anything, I'll do whatever I can.

It goes for you, Big Brad, Big Dwight, and Great Big Fat XYZ.

Oh, fuck Dwight.

It goes for all you guys.

And call us if that's confusing.

If you guys ever need anything, I'll do graphics and stuff.

So, yeah, I love the show.

Fuck yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, motherfucker, yeah, that's what I'm saying, motherfucker, yeah.

All right, so if you want to get in a call, there might be time to get you in.

We might be able to get one or two, maybe one, maybe two quick ones, 405-396-6884, 405-39-MOUTH.

Join the show whilst I try to get some more pranky calls.

Hey, what's that, Bathworld, Bathworld?

Bathworld, what's Bathworld?

is it a is that a list it's on the list it's on the bit in the master list do we have yeah i didn't

see a bath world there homeboy let me see yeah it was a short one dude it was a short one there

yeah you're a short one you know what i mean yeah i like i like the comment section on that one man

go to that one oh dude yeah i have a whole bunch of numbers and they get to bath planet is that

what you're saying bath planet yeah that one read the comment section underneath of it man that's

Hilarious. I think it's a good little thing.

Okay, that's silly. Enough.

Yeah, okay. Alright, let's do it, buddy.

Bath Planet, everyone.

Learn more about Bath Planet over at

bathplanet.com. Hi, thanks for calling.

I'm Carlito.

Hey, how you doing?

Hey, hey, hey, guys.

How you doing?

Ching Chong Furious in the Discord.

Oh, shit. Ching Chong Furious.

What's up? You're a horse member.

Hi, I'm a horse member.

What's up, big horse?

You've got to take your pants off for this.

Thank you for calling Bath Planet.

We're on limited time, so let me try to get this going here.

And then you can say your thing.

So we may route you to the appropriate dealer.

Please enter the five-digit zip code of your home.

I need my dealer.

So what is Bath Planet?

It's like, what is Milkman?

Did you see the site?

I can pull it up, I guess.

Thank you for calling Bath Planet.

Your call is very important to us.

Please remain on the line, and your call will be answered momentarily.

Oh, okay.

Mrs. Brianna, please note this call may be recorded for...

Hello?

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know anyone was there. I thought I had a long hold.

No problem. How may I help you?

Yeah, I needed a bathroom machine. I needed to get a new toilet machine, bathroom machine.

You need to get a new toilet and bathtub?

I want to get everything. Everything that I can get.

Okay, allow me to gather your information. I can have a representative return your call.

I like one bathroom with heat.

Sorry?

I like to get one bathroom with heat.

Okay, that was stupid.

That was kind of stupid.

You got a better idea other than bathroom with heat?

Thank you for calling bathroom.

I got to end it.

I got to stop it with the heat shit, man.

Like, I tried doing the opposite today, asking for smoothies with cold.

We may route you to the appropriate dealer.

Bathroom with a security bill.

With what for a homeless orgy?

You've got to get a bath tub big enough for homeless people to use it, like a bathhouse.

Glory holes.

Molecular heckler says, heat is hot.

All right, Molec.

My man.

Hey, it's a great fan at Planet.

This is Siri.

How can I help you?

Yeah, hi.

I have questions about getting a new bathroom toilet machines, but I don't want to get into giving my information.

I have questions first before I give all that out, because I value my privacy.

Can you answer questions?

Yeah, I might be able to.

Okay, good.

All right.

All right, so can they put holes in?

First of all, we need a big enough bathtub to fit several men for a homeless shelter.

Okay, yeah, all of our bathtubs are custom ordered,

so we can really get any size in that you might need.

Okay.

Okay, now, does a contractor come out and take measurements and, like, do a walkthrough,

or do we just, this is all done remotely?

What we do is we send someone out so they can actually take up, like, the space, take measurements.

They'll show you some samples of our products and show you the different colors and styles

you can choose from, and then you can leave it a price and then answer all of your questions.

Do you offer glory holes?

Glory holes, I'm not familiar with that.

Okay, it's a hole that gets drilled in the wall.

It's like an anonymous hole that a man can put his penis into to have it serviced on

the other end.

It's rimmed with whatever.

Yeah.

Okay.

No, I am sorry.

That's not something that we offer, and I'm going to disconnect the call.

Thank you.

Okay, but I think maybe it's something I could do.

you know after okay nice dude just as the toilet flushes that happens how racist yeah yeah man

doesn't care about homeless people no seriously come on they gotta get their dick off too you

know what i mean it's probably been a long time for some of them yeah we're all human we are we

got urges and needs uh yeah yeah all right so security number try the security number right

above it all right security number that's a fast shot man there all right we'll have fast

I think the number there is included with this code to enter.

Okay.

Is it like private security?

Yeah, what kind of security?

And mall security?

Actually, no, I don't know.

It says read the punchline down underneath there.

It's just a sound effect, right?

It's security like your home security.

Oh, security, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

But we can confuse it just like we did now.

We can go with it.

It's a good idea.

Protecting since 1946.

So do they send a person to the home?

Thank you for calling Horson Fire and Security.

To help us direct your call to the nearest branch, please enter the 5...

How the hell did...

How did he know that's the zip code I used right...

You're in.

Hello?

Thank you for calling Horson Fire and Security.

Computer, I need to speak to an agent.

Thank you for calling Horson Fire and Security.

Oh, thank you for telling me twice in a row.

Hello?

Thank you for calling. My name is Juan. How may I help you?

Yeah, we have a problem in Zone 2.

The alarm's going off and I can't turn it off

There's a breach in zone 2

Alright, sir, I'm actually taking a message

From the office, I can have somebody

From the service department to call you back

Come on, motherfucker, you, because this shit

Doesn't stop

Ah, shit, everyone's gone, everyone's gone

Alright, I'm gonna have to go, it's time to go

Anyway, let me turn that fire alarm

Did you have any parting shots

Before I let you go, sir?

Ah, no, no, no, I was just gonna ask you

So, our work is doing a

We're doing a golf tournament tomorrow

so do you have any suggestions for my uh increasing my your golf i know nothing about

golf i couldn't tell you um make the ball i thought you were a golf guru no i don't know

make the ball go really far uh you know um don't go into the water because i mean are you in an

alligator state you gotta be careful no no we're over in oregon we got nothing over oh shit i had

What did I miss?

Nothing much.

It wasn't much of a call, Milkman.

I got Milkman back.

Do you know anything about golf, Milkman?

The caller has questions about golf.

Golf?

Any golf tips?

Make me better.

Make me Tiger Woods.

But like, Chi Chi Rodriguez is like my favorite.

Yeah, watch some Chi Chi Rodriguez fucking videos on YouTube.

There you go.

Yeah, do that.

Got it.

You know how Chi Chi Rodriguez is?

He was a Puerto Rican golfer, and he used to be the famous Puerto Rican guy

that had absolutely crazy style.

He used his crazy books to make the winning shot.

So if you're a bad golf player, dude,

and you ain't convinced that perfect form is the answer,

you can't achieve it.

Look at Chiefy Rodriguez, because he never had perfect form,

and he still was a pro.

Well, he would also do this thing after he hit the ball.

He would act like Zorro with the golf club, like it was.

Right, like he'd take it up in the air, do the Z.

He'd do the Z.

Do that, do that.

Yeah, do the Z like Zorro, like...

Yeah, I can do that.

There you go, and be like, I'm Chi-Chi, I'm Chi-Chi.

Do it, and get video and send it to us.

Look up Chi-Chi Rodriguez.

He did it all, cranking and everything.

And then ride an invisible horse on all 18 holes.

In between all of them, just be like you're on a horse.

Kind of like Monty...

Yeah, like a horsey cat.

Yeah.

Get off the horse and tie the horse, you know, when you get off it,

and be like, oh, nice horse.

Pat it on the head and tell everybody it's a good horsey cat.

I was actually planning on wearing a cowboy hat.

There you go.

It's a country club, so they're a bunch of snooty.

Like, we have to wear polos and pants.

We can't wear jeans.

Yeah, it's going to be funny.

And beat the horse with your club out of anger if you have a bad shot.

Be like, you fucking, stop looking at me, you fucking horse.

Yeah, you fucking horse, dude.

They'll be like, oh, my God, I killed my wife's horse.

There you go.

There's my tips.

Have fun with it.

Have a nice cigar.

at the end have a nice cigar have a nice whiskey and get yourself a nice uh turkey sandwich at the

end all right you're gonna have a good time good baby all right yeah fuck yeah good luck man have

a good night brother all right i didn't catch your name but it was fun all right good that's

our uh last call of the night i think we gotta wrap it up milkman because you know the old lady

is gonna be coming in here like yeah motherfucker oh hell you're gonna get spanked then you're

You're going to sneak back in there and start doing more calls in your little chat.

Yeah, your little deep chat.

Well, I can only do this.

Look, I'm going to take my Ambien right now while you're doing the call.

I know.

And you're going to follow yourself the whole time.

And I know you'll be masturbating to listen to all those calls.

I touch it a little bit.

I admit it helps me get to sleep sometimes.

But I can't do it with the CPAP on.

That's the thing.

And sometimes I jerk off, I finish, and then I'm too tired to put the CPAP on,

and then I forget the CPAP.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

You've got to put the CPAP on.

Not to jerk off.

No way.

All right, take us out of here, you fucking masturbating CPAP wearer.

What a freaking crazy episode, man.

I'll tell you, I absolutely made it 15 minutes at a time.

It's a whole show, man.

What do you think of that, kid?

Man, we had a banging show.

We had a good number.

I got to hold my fist up high once and for all here from my brother Park, man.

Excellent job.

Thank you so much, man.

I love you, brother.

That's the number.

His man, man, he's really kicking ass, man.

He sent me and he brought his numbers.

Thank you, man, everybody that brought your numbers along.

Thank you so much.

I want to thank everybody for calling.

My goodness, the list is so long, man.

All you guys out there calling, man.

I had a good time, man.

Socializing, hanging out, and getting to know you guys.

We've got some of our regular callers out there, some of you new guys out there.

Grandpa, keep trying, man.

And you might get in one of these times.

I don't know what's going on.

You might get in, brother.

Just keep on, man.

Next time you climb up there on the phone pole there, you know, you're pulling the cord real, real hard.

You never know.

We'll answer.

Promise.

We'll answer one of these times.

Anyway, man, I want to thank everybody else that left their voicemails.

I want to thank all of our horse members out there, our militia members, all of our YouTube sponsors out there, man.

God bless you guys, man.

Man, you guys help keep things rocking over here in the world of the Madhouse, man.

I want to thank all our friends over there in the DG chat and all of our old, old buddies,

for bringing numbers, MST3 Clay, all you guys keeping things down.

I know who you people are.

You don't have to tell me.

I know who you are.

You're out there.

I want to thank you.

Yeah.

I know you guys.

You're out there, man.

Thank you so much for all the good work you do, man.

I'm going to have to get this thing squared away with the Armada.

I'll come and visit you.

right on and that's right what we do every week and we have the most interactive show you can get

right you're on the internet earbuds right here in your ear balls every week we do this free right

here man we we uh ask you just give us your time right we drop the time and ask you to bring your

friends but better yet bring your enemies they're gonna be welcome out here in the

militia and all the crazy horsey cat members and all of our fun friends right here buddy

Thank you, Big Milkman.

I want to thank everyone who tuned in on the extended Madhouse Radio Network, all our YouTubers.

Another donation came in from Jack Helquin at the very end there.

Another $2 with the message that he called out of work to listen live.

Bro, don't do that.

Dad, don't be calling out of work to listen to this show.

Are you crazy?

No, no, man.

Just pay for the $1 membership.

Shit, don't do that, man.

Yeah, don't do that, man.

You'll make money, and you'll only have to pay $1 to get the show, right?

Don't lose your job, brother.

I don't need that on me.

No, Dad, I've always been a guy for work.

You don't agree with that, so don't miss your work, dude.

The show will be there.

You can get on the replay next week when it posts.

Don't lose your job.

Don't do that.

Well, thank you, man.

Thanks for all your help.

everyone on youtube everyone i'm mixlr thanks for tuning in and all our extended listeners

on the shoutcast networks tune in etc madhouse live.com is a website to get all all those links

follow me on twitter madhouse on twitter carlito cross on facebook facebook.com slash madhouse

live patreon.com slash madhouse where you can sign up become a patron to become a militia or

or a horse member, get access to rewards such as the instant show reel,

unedited shows as soon as we go off air, and, of course, our Discord chat there.

You can have your chat messages broadcast on the YouTube feed if you use that.

Be sure to check out discord.gg forward slash pranks for Amateur Prank Hour

with Palindrome.

I believe that's happening.

I hope it is.

If not, make it happen, guys.

Get in there and do some pranks.

Discord.gg slash pranks.

and uh hey guys if you guys you guys can leave messages during the week if you want call in 405

3966884 that's 405 39 mouth leave a voicemail i'll play it at the beginning of the next show

all right i gotta get out of here folks y'all have a good week be good to each other be safe

out there no drinking and driving and uh if you're gonna have a prostitute use a condom

don't be milkman don't get hepatitis c see you guys yeah

Calls (36, 1 h 19 min of 2 h 32 min)

Transcript

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