What Does Gender Have To Do With It? – 8/30/18 Show

Excuse me.

Can I talk to a man who can make this decision?

What does gender have to do with it?

Well.

It's company policy.

Okay, if I hear one more thing like that, sir, though,

I don't need to be talked to like a jackass or anything like that.

Hey, don't use that language.

Please, I'm talking to my child here.

I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live.

I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito.

That's my big amigo.

So just kick back to listen to this cat call people.

When this show goes live, I'll be like, damn, this shit's bitchin'.

Stop whatever I'm doin' to tune in and listen.

Where you at?

You can catch me in the back of his home at Horse Machine Ranch Road.

I'm bustin' mad fat flows for assholes and banchos.

Must be crazy.

Shout out to Big Amy.

That's nice, honey baby.

We kissin' pussies, so ladies, such a labor ya.

It's crazy how the stuff that my bruh might say to ya.

Face it, cuz, it's the number one prank cast.

Stay back if you can't handle all the straight laughs that we hand to your dome.

And if you want, call the number. You can listen to this show on the go.

Big up to the man in the madhouse.

You show love, just stick your motherfucking hands up.

Some come close, but they can't get it right.

Let the king do his thing, it's time for Madhouse Live.

Big up to the man in the madhouse.

You show love, just stick your motherfucking hands up.

Hey everybody, this is Carlito here breaking in.

Just to let you know, if you're in the Chicago area or near there,

within a reasonable drive there's going to be an event a pla slash pcn slash prank call meetup

that's going to be happening on saturday september the 15th and there are details on

the next podcast coming up we'll have details that you can hear and also facebook.com on my

madhouse.live page or on my twitter or you can just go to madhouselive.com etc but the details

Details are forthcoming. They didn't make it in time fully for this recording, but I just wanted to throw out there if you're in the area and it isn't too late, make plans to be in Chicago September 15th.

Myself, Brad Carter, Jaiad, Dwight McClanahan, JAG TV, AXPA, Matt Hillock, of course, all going to be together at the same place at the same time, and this is a great opportunity to meet all of us.

we're going to have a meet and greet kind of session and then uh who knows after that then

i look forward to meeting everyone so if you can make it out there please do uh here's the second

problem and i hate doing this i got to put my e begging hat on um travel expenses for me to get

there are a bit high since it's so short notice thank you jayad for that by the way so if you're

able to contribute throw me you know a couple bucks five or ten bucks so i can defray the

The intense cost of the travel that it's going to take for me to make it out there for this event on short notice.

I would greatly appreciate it.

You can head over to madhouselive.com slash donate.

Again, that's madhouselive.com slash donate.

And all that good stuff.

So if you've got a couple bucks, you can throw them my way to help me cover the travel costs.

And maybe buy Dwight McClanahan a bologna sandwich and get Matt a case of beer or something like that.

Just to show my gratitude.

to do it help me out greatly that way i can eat you know and i eat a lot i'm a big fat fuck i eat

a lot look i'm going to get to the show anyway madhouse live.com slash donate help me make it

out to chicago on the 15th much appreciated and i hope to see you all there don't listen what do

you know maybe i do and maybe i don't what i say is they got no business negotiating we're gonna

be going back in there with a bullet for everybody in the yard is that right we do it now we do it

it later later it could be no use wait wait wait a minute frank got a lot of angry guys in there

black muslims panthers young lords besides you average anti-social we gotta go in right clean

the clocks ladies and gentlemen this is your call cannot be transferred thanks for the fucking call

god damn it let's go let's go man come on i got people waiting i got people waiting can i start

Start with a first name and a last name.

Yeah, Cross Lopez.

And would you like an email confirmation on this order?

What do you mean?

It's a confirmation on this order.

If you'd like a confirmation on this order sent to you by email, it's up to you.

No, I don't want that.

Why would I want that?

Why would I print the email?

Lots of people have different reasons, sometimes for business, et cetera, et cetera.

It's up to you.

No.

It's up to you.

The answer is no.

All right.

Then, Leah, it's a burger.

What can I get for you today?

I want one Red Robin hamburger machine, the one with the egg.

Royal Red Robin?

Yep.

How'd you like that patty cooked with some pink or no pink in the middle?

The heat?

The patty, your choice.

You can have that cooked with some pink in the middle or no pink in the middle.

What do you mean, like medium and stuff like that?

Just some pink or no pink.

Why can't you say medium?

It's on a timer.

Those aren't actually hand-flipped.

But you know what medium and medium well is and all that stuff.

Why aren't you saying that?

Did they tell you you can't say that?

I do.

Well, it's partly because ground beef is not cooked and prepared the same way steak is.

So they're not able to fine-tune it down.

God damn it.

You know what?

You're really pissing me off.

I just want to speak English here, okay?

Medium, medium well, things of this nature.

Why can't you just work with me with that?

What's your conversion chart?

Go get the conversion chart.

I'll hold.

Go ahead.

We'll get your conversion chart.

Let's go.

Those are my only choices, some pink or no pink.

Your mom is pink down there.

Her nipples are pink.

All right.

How do you want the patty cooked?

Medium.

Large.

Got it.

Large.

Comes with steak fries.

Large, though.

I want onion straw.

Onion straw.

Jalapenos.

Added?

Yeah, jalapenos.

Sliced?

Yes.

Or fried jalapeno coins?

Jalapeno coins, fried ones.

I want in the lettuce wrap.

i want turkey patties i want two patties i want a turkey patty and then i want a uh a bean patty

we have a biggie patty that is made out of bean machines right is what kind is it uh it's quinoa

and anything great you're really you're messing me up man seriously do you think fat burger knows

how to actually do a medium medium well and all that stuff i wouldn't know do they just i mean

I mean, come on, they're right across the street from you.

I mean, you guys got beef.

No one's pun intended.

But, right, you guys got beef?

Is that the black Red Robin?

Yeah.

Is that where, you know, is that where the brothers go, kind of?

Is that what happens there?

Burgers is a thing, so you can help me help you.

Is this the fat burger across the street from the Red Robin?

I'm not sure if we have a Red Robin.

It's right across the street from the Galleria, though.

All right, ignorant.

Listen, I want to order a hamburger machine.

I'm sorry?

I want to order a hamburger.

What did he say before that?

Are you ordering with me?

yeah red robin please hold red robin can you can you give me a total can you go get a total for me

please fab burger i need to order a hamburger please all right god damn it what go with

fuck you know what yeah whatever i gotta go all right i gotta go take a shit never mind all right

all righty all right bye i had a whole idea for ordering hamburger machines excuse me and it

didn't work it was an idea passed on to me by either palindrome or expo i don't know which

Those two, I kind of confuse them all the time because they look a lot alike, you know?

Palindrome and Axe, but, you know, they talk about the same stuff.

So sometimes one will say something to me and I forget.

And sometimes Firmus, too, but he called me a snake.

He said, Carlito's such a snake.

He says he's such a snake that publicly...

Thank you for calling in, Mr. Nicole.

How can I help you?

Those people, you guys are such snakes, you know that?

I need to make an order, please.

Shit, let me put you on hold for just a second.

Shit, okay.

okay milkman are you there okay the chat room was already where's milkman where's milkman

take it easy we want extra red onion tell me what extra red onion ew red onion and you want

limburger cheese instead of blue cheese does it matter red onion or white onion does it taste

different it's all onion to me yellow red yes no it doesn't no it doesn't no it doesn't you can't

taste color what are you maybe if you're on psilocybin mushrooms you can taste the color

thank you for holding this troy how can i help you today yeah i want onions i'm sorry i want

onions okay what would you like onions on whatever one order of onions well do you want onion rings

do you want something with onions added to it what onions and oil shut up onions and oil with

a little bit of salt and pepper you have garlic powder onions do you have adobo i i'm sorry do

Do you have adobo?

Do we have adobo?

Yeah.

No, this is Black Bear Diner.

Yeah, okay, well, it's a meat seasoning that a lot of restaurants and diners have.

We don't have it.

All right.

We don't have adobo.

All right, how about a hamburger, then, if you're giving me such a hard time?

We can do a hamburger for you.

Do you want a hamburger, a cheeseburger?

What would you like?

Cheeseburger.

Do you'd like a cheeseburger?

Okay, give me one second.

Bye-bye.

Are you going to ask me how I want to cook, Jackass?

As soon as I ring it in, sir.

Jackass.

okay if i hear one more thing like that sir though i i i'm no i don't need to be talked

to like a jackass or anything hey don't use that language please i'm talking to my child here

i'm not talking to you okay say that all right all right okay my eight-year-old child's over

here trying to play fortnight and he's all right let me not say it excuse forget it and let me be

the parent here okay don't tell me how to not how to correct my child oh i'm not telling you how to

be the parent or anything i'm just sharing on the end that you're calling me jackass

That's why I said, that's why I gave it one warning.

That's all.

Okay, Mr. Narcissist.

Okay.

It's all about you.

I'm sorry?

The whole world revolves around you, Mr. Narcissist.

Not at all.

I'm not talking to you.

All right, can I get, Jesus Christ, can I get the order in, please?

One hamburger machine?

I'm sitting there waiting to bring it in.

Let's go, let's go.

You're fucking stupid, you know that?

Did you want to let me know how you wanted it cooked, sir?

You said you were going to tell me how to get in the computer first.

No, I said I had to get in the computer first.

I'm in the computer now.

Did you want it?

How fucking stupid are you?

Hamburger guy's stupid.

Yeah, I like that.

What do you do?

Let's see.

What do you got?

What do you do?

Medium, medium well?

What do you do?

Just like any other way we would cook it.

Any way you want it, we can cook it for you.

Large.

That's not a temperature.

That's a size.

Well, I usually get medium, but I would like it a little more than that.

Okay, so you want a cheeseburger, medium?

Large.

Well, that, once again, is not an ingredient.

That's not a temperature.

That's a size.

I need to know what temperature you want to cook it at.

I don't want it medium.

Do you want it rare or medium-rare?

I don't want it medium.

I don't want that much pink in it.

Undercooked meat may promote serious health risks.

So then do you want it well done?

I want it large, yeah.

There is no large.

There's well, there's medium-well, there's medium, there's medium-rare, and there's rare.

I don't know medium.

No, no, no.

I don't want medium.

I'm telling you, I don't want that much pink.

That's bad.

Yes, but unfortunately, until you let me know that you want it well done,

I don't want to order it so that way when you come in, you say that it's cooked wrong.

So you want it well done then?

You want it brown all the way through?

All right, you're on to my scam.

Because usually what I do is I say large, and then I do it well done, and I come in, and I eat half of it.

And I'm like, ah, it's not what I wanted.

And I get my money back.

That's not going to work on you either.

I hate when that happens.

That's not going to work on you either.

All right, jackass.

Well, good to talk to you, sir.

Have a great day, okay?

You stupid horse, you.

Nice.

Hello.

Hey, Milkman.

Hello.

Hey, Milkman.

Hey, buddy, would you place a special order for me the next time when they ask you?

What?

Tell them you want it pink on the outside and you want it well done in the middle.

I bet you there's a way to do that.

I bet you one of those artsy-fartsy top chefs.

Oh, I can think of a couple ways to do it.

I can think of a couple ways to do it.

I'm sure one of the celebrity chefs out there knows how to do it.

Some celebrity chefs will be like, I cook it from the inside out with my special tuning forks.

It's a new take on the heat angle, brother.

Probably.

All right.

That was fun.

Yeah.

I got a feeling Red Robin won't do.

They straight up tell you, let's do the color.

Because from what I understand, it's a pain in the ass to do it well done.

Apparently.

Exactly.

Because you have to cook it through.

And if there's any pink at all, the customer is going to be upset.

But it's really easy then to cross into overcooked mode.

Much more difficult.

Right.

And that turns to rubber.

rubber and then they're complaining oh it's rubbery dry well fuck that's what you asked for

idiot yeah the dark i mean the most done you should get it done is uh it's going to be medium

well if you get well done i mean it's all right i mean i know you might be concerned you don't

like the blood and all that but dude you're eating flesh all right come on i want my flesh

without the blood anyway okay even when the meat is cooked okay what you call well done there's

still blood in it okay period so i don't know where the hell anybody fucking think that the

blood disappears because it's cooked well it's just you don't have any color it doesn't have

it doesn't have any water in it anymore that's all it is maybe i don't know i don't know caramel

yeah the water's cooked out right then it becomes browner right why does it become browner because

the the blood starts to get brown and burn literally when you take blood and pour it in

the pan it turns brown immediately yeah man i'll hit you in the head with a fucking pan

I hit you in the head with a pan

I wish I was there right

I would give you a black eye

I would abuse you like an abused woman

Oh shit I'm sorry

I don't know why I said that

I just want to bite you a little bit

I was going to bite you a little bit

I'm going to be of service to you

Place it to go order

Get your ponds ready

Two minutes

Dude there's a sandwich

There's a sandwich that they do in Michigan

Order online at redrobin.com

I think a certain time of year

that's basically raw beef.

This is the same Red Robin from before.

I thought I was calling a different one,

and I am not.

It's a holiday tradition in Wisconsin.

Yes.

In Wisconsin, there's a raw sirloin

in the holidays.

Saturdays.

A raw sirloin sandwich for most three-pound scraps.

Let's see, let's see.

Seven pounds of lean sirloin.

What?

Oh, they're just hanging out.

Hold on, thank you for calling us.

Oh, who's this?

I'm Robin.

This is Imani.

Hey.

Can I get a name for your order?

What's up, Imani?

I found the Fountain of Youth.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

Will this order be for Cross Lopez?

Yes.

Okay, welcome back.

What can we get started for you?

Okay, I need one beef patty.

Okay.

Did you want to do a Keep It Simple burger with nothing on it,

Just no bun?

Yeah, just a beef sandwich.

Yep.

Okay, and did you want that with some pink or no pink?

I want the pink on the outside and brown on the inside.

Okay, and you said that you wanted that with the bun or without the bun?

I want it with lettuce, but I want the pink on the outside.

Do you understand?

The pink on the outside.

Yes, sir.

I will go ahead and note that.

I'm not sure if they'll be able to do that just because of the way that the patty does cook.

Put one of the men on the phone that might be able to answer.

If you'd like, I could transfer you to the restaurant.

and you can speak to someone there, sir.

Where are you?

I'm at a centralized location.

You're in a centralized location for hamburger orders?

Yeah, put me through the restaurant.

I don't need to talk to you.

Make sure...

Jesus Christ, what's wrong with this fucking company?

Who do they think they are?

They got a...

They're outsourcing the idea.

You got to be kidding me.

She was going to make a note of it to ask.

It was...

The ticket was going to come through.

It was going to print.

Robin, this is Evelyn speaking.

How can I help you?

Yes, I need to make an order.

I don't want to talk to no centralized location.

I want to talk to the person.

I'm sorry?

I want to make an order,

but i don't want to be talking to some type of centralized location call center i want to talk

to the restaurant person yes this is the restaurant you people put us you have a call center now that

takes all the orders i'm sorry god damn it when i call to make an order it goes to a central call

station now no it comes straight to the restaurant well who's new we usually take the order through

the phone who's not niani nuani who's that black girl who's the who is there a girl fuck you god

God, you're pissing me off.

I want to make an order, please.

Okay, give me one second.

God damn it.

Hurry up.

All right, here we go.

I don't get it, man.

I just don't fucking get it.

I don't know.

I'm going to ditch the call.

There's plenty of other places that I'll take our business for a hamburger with the pink

on the outside milk, man.

Yeah.

All right.

Listen, let's give out the Coke.

What do you got in the vape?

What do you got in the cage?

A smoke can.

I know it's one, two, half.

OG Kush.

Bum, bum.

OG Kush.

What's that?

OG Kush, but I don't need to get high to.

you know enjoy the show i don't need to be high on drugs like you i know you just masturbate the

show that's all right i mean i just feel high yeah yeah that's that's the story hey listen

real quick we need to get through these uh links uh yeah sure you too man yeah buddy

speaking of masturbating we'll get to that in a minute i want to say uh we gotta i want to say

Say thank you to Inspector Ratchet, who donated $2 to YouTube Super Chat.

And his message to us is from the West Coast to the East Coast machines.

From the West Coast to the East Coast machines.

All right.

Very nice.

Major Tinnitus also donated $30.

I don't know where.

I thought it was a one-time donation.

Thank you, Major Tinnitus.

Very nice of you.

I have to do that.

I appreciate it.

His message is, hey, Big Carlito, thanks for all the years of entertainment.

You and Milkman are beacons of joy in an otherwise bleak and hopeless world.

Hope this small donation helps to keep the show machines running.

Please don't stop the 24-7 stream.

It keeps me sunny.

All right.

Yeah.

All right.

That's a good one.

Thanks, Major, tonight.

I appreciate it.

MadHouseLive.com is our website.

You can hit up our shoutcast links there, a whole bunch of links.

Thanks.

Tune in radio.

You can also watch the show live right now on YouTube.

Madhouse radio on YouTube.

That's also available there at madhouse live.com on the front page.

Follow me on Twitter.

Follow the show on Twitter.

That's madhouse on Twitter at madhouse on Twitter.

Facebook Carlito cross is my name there.

Facebook.com slash madhouse dot live.

Now,

uh,

speaking of donations,

you can make a one-time donation at madhouse live.com forward slash donate,

donate or you can also become a patreon of the show i don't know if the correct term is a patron

or a patreon of the show regardless you can do that patreon.com forward slash madhouse a one

dollar monthly donation gets you into militia tier yes milkman i'm talking what is it you're

interrupting hello yes oh no i i thought i lost you completely i didn't mean to interrupt that

no you're fine it's all right uh the one dollar militia membership gets you instant showreel

access and five dollars gets you a horse membership which will uh net you the instant

showreel access which is just a dropbox account you get access to where you can download this show

and any other live show that we do this the minute we end the show it uploads to dropbox

automatically and you get a full 128k unedited mp3 with the entire show so you don't have to

worry about missing a live show you close your eyes pull your pants down it's like the show's

live for you yeah yeah in case you can't make it motherfucker and also we and hope and i'm

planning next week to start the new that new podcast machine for horse memberships international

telephone business machines is going to be the name of the podcast and it's going to be a non-live

broadcast show that i'll do with a guest pranker every week we'll do some off-air prank calls and

shoot the shit for about 30 minutes to 45 minutes and that'll hopefully be a weekly show for uh

five dollar horse members uh exclusively yes milkman you had a question go ahead you have

the floor motherfucker you okay i believe i've detected it you do a level check your level is

just an inch hot and when it quits it sounds like it's like your microphone's had out like my mic

probably yeah it's part maybe my mic is a little hot i guess okay just a little hot sir maybe i'm

trying to help you because that's what i heard and i actually hear it crackling a little okay

Okay, thank you.

Good, yeah, good.

Thank you, brother.

And that's the people like, why do you have Milkman on?

For stuff like this.

Milkman is the co-producer of the show, and he watches things in the background.

He's watching and watching.

Mr. Puller just donated $2.

Thank you very much, Mr. Puller.

Madhouse production.

Big pull.

Donated $2.

Did not leave a message for everyone.

You hit me up in a private message if you forgot to.

Remember, if you donate on YouTube, you can put in a message there, and I will read it out for everyone.

I think the same thing with the one-time donations.

You can also put a message in there, and I'll read it out over the air.

It also shows up on the YouTube video feed as well.

For about two minutes, it'll stay up there unless someone donates after you.

In which case, that's you and them.

You two got to fight.

Thanks, everyone, for checking us out tonight.

Let's get to them pranks.

We opened up with some silliness, and let's try to do some smart, original, classic purpose here.

Yeah, what are you vaping on, or what are you doing there?

What are you imbibing there, big guy?

Oh, my Lord.

Oh, no.

Grape Stomper.

So, Milkman, you stick to the grape.

Last week, it was Grape Soda.

This week is Grape Stomper.

Before that, I know you're a big fan of Granddaddy Purple, which is, I mean, you go for the grape and the purple stuff.

Is that your shit right there?

Is that what you stick to?

Well, normally grapes always is an indica strain, so normally I try to lay towards the

indicas, and this company here makes a lot of indica strains, so like normally it's from

this company, and their specialty usually is indica.

And they're the quickest to grow and mature, so everybody usually has fresh, popping

indicas, and this is real fresh.

This is live diamond terp sauce, so literally it's like pure essence of the juice, and

and these little diamond crystals inside of it.

And I mean, when you hit that thing, it's like, pow, one hit,

and it just smells like a flower garden.

So this one's like great estomper.

It's just like an explosion of like great kind of floral kind of flavor.

Noog, gangsta, smoky, you know what I mean, brother?

Yeah, man, totally.

All right, so hey, real quick, public full disclosure here.

We got an issue.

Let me point this out, Milkman, breaking news, unfortunately.

Yes, sir.

Milkman, you know I want to share with you all,

Well, in an effort to improve the show, number one, you should hear that the buzzing problem

we had last week should, for the most part, be gone.

I need to get one little more implement to fix that.

But before I start giving out the phone number for people to call in, Milkman, you know I

spent literally five days straight, other than when I work, ever since the show ended

last week.

Last thought, okay?

Yeah.

Here's how busy he's been.

He wouldn't even answer his damn phone because he's busy working on the problem.

So, I mean, this has been busy.

I mean, so he's really put a lot out for us.

Yeah, dude, I worked hours and hours.

I was finally able to get a proper server working here for outgoing and incoming calls.

Here's the problem.

Right now, people are trying to call the incoming line, which is cool,

but it looks like the way I've got Milkman, your setup, the extension that you're using,

I don't think it's allowing.

Now I've got to look to see how to adjust that because it looks like it's only allowing one call at once.

It doesn't have call waiting enabled.

Now I've got to see if I can figure that out on the fly,

because if not, I can't have incoming callers today.

Let's see.

Everyone, let me play a prank call.

I apologize.

Let me play a prank call here.

And hopefully by the time that's done, I've figured out what's going on,

and we can get that adjusted so we can take calls.

Just a moment.

So just hold your calls.

51 minutes, not dropped.

Yeah, that's working.

yeah that was part of the issues we were having

and yeah I was going to say

so far we're at 51 minutes

connected and you haven't dropped me

and that's good

yeah

because we were losing you every 15 minutes and 30 seconds

on the dot literally

you were just fucking gone

exactly

it was terrible

let me find a long enough prank call

here's one I did with Dwight

called Carlito and the Duckworth

I don't think that's a long one though

Oh, we can play this.

Let me go way back here.

I need an address.

I think that's a long one.

Or Grits.

Grits is old.

I need an address.

Let's play I Need an Address.

I might have played this recently.

You should be able to hear this, too.

Everyone, stand by.

Thank you.

There's a job here for a body shop helper.

It says call Tony.

Unavailable to take your call.

One.

Play.

Message.

Press.

Two.

Twenty.

Two.

Message.

One.

Good morning.

I'm calling in regards to shop help.

Fifteen a.m. Sunday.

And I spoofed the numbers the guy with the job offer.

This will be quite confusing.

May I speak with Robert, please?

I'm returning a number for Mr. Robert, Roberto, regarding a job.

This is Tony.

This is Alberto.

How you doing there, buddy?

I'm doing good, sir.

So how can I help you?

I saw your ad in the newspaper this morning.

How good are you with the car machines?

Yeah, straightening the machine.

Well, I eat some pepper and door pack.

You know what, man?

Come on down to the shop.

When do you want to start?

Tomorrow, Monday through Friday?

I'm game.

Where are you at?

You tell me and I'll answer.

Come on down to the shop tomorrow.

Tomorrow I'll bring your papers with you, and we'll start.

Okay.

All right.

9 a.m.

You can wear jeans, but we prefer a collared shirt.

Okay?

Okay.

All right, Alberta.

We'll see you then.

Like a polo shirt?

Yeah, yeah, that's fine.

All right.

Give me an address.

All right.

We'll see you then.

Thank you, Alberta.

Give me an address.

Okay.

You got it.

All right.

You got that 9 a.m.?

9 a.m. where?

At the shop.

It's in Orlando.

Address.

You got it.

All right, Alberta.

we'll see you tomorrow 9 a.m hold on hold on okay talk to you hello thanks i'm looking forward to

this thank you very much um it came down between you and we had a we had a girl got a girl roberta

and alberto i think we'd rather go with the guy yes i'm here hello can you hear me i can hear you

come down to the shop sir all right but tell me where the shop is i don't know where the shop is

the fire alarm is going off hello there's a fire alarm going off hang on hey hello 9 a.m you got

at it but you got it at the shop this is downtown downtown weird give me an address the fire alarm

again hang on i'm gonna go outside you can hear me all right yeah you're ready you got the shop

9 a.m to 3 p.m tomorrow three button pull down i need an address okay i need an address oh you

need the address you need the address yeah i need an address all right it's 122 122 i'm sorry we

got a problem they're doing a test on the fire alarm and it keeps going off i hear it i hear it

All right, it's 122.

Downtown.

I will see you at 9 a.m.

You got it.

I didn't get that.

I didn't get the address.

We got it.

I got you.

You got it.

We got it.

I didn't get the address.

Oh, come on.

I can't hear you.

Hello?

What is that noise?

Oh, let me call you back.

This is Tony, yeah.

Come back, because I'm getting some noise on the line.

It's the fire alarms going off.

What's the address again?

122 what?

I get that.

Sir, you know what?

Forget it.

If you can't write that in directions, forget it.

This is not going to work out, Alberto.

Oh, you're playing with me, man.

Good night.

What's the address?

I'm going to call Roberto, all right?

I thought I meant to call Robert.

I meant to call Rob, but not Alberto.

I made a mistake.

I'm calling Robert.

No, no, no, no.

Forget it.

No, no, no, no, no.

This is not going to work out, no.

Oh, you're playing with me, man.

Why do you call me to play with me?

I got to go.

That's it.

I'm calling Robert.

No.

All right.

That's a horrible thing.

That's so bad.

I'm going to hell.

All right.

That's a call.

There's Tuck in the background.

ground that's a prank from 2008 that's at the height of the economic crisis milkman and here

i am messing with that guy uh that's one of the prank calls i think i feel i don't feel the best

about on a karma level you know when it came to doing that milkman are you there sir ma'am sir

or ma'am milkman hey i'm here hey buddy yeah yeah all right so check it out i found the option it's

called accept multiple calls i think that sounds about right and then i call for my cell phone and

at work so we can continue everyone if you want to call in and join the show 405-396-6884 yes sir

a comment on that call yeah i think i like the call because of the effects the way you use it

but yeah i feel bad about the guy joking around yeah but you use the effect beautifully and that's

why i still love that call i'm sorry about the guy but we could have a job for him anyway yeah

we yeah we could help but here's the thing i the the way i got his number was nefarious and

maybe illegal i that was back in the day when there were still real tape enabled answering

machines if you know what i mean and you remember how katie k katie k was the king of this shit

remember he would call in and do all the combinations and get through and and start

listening to the messages and change the outgoing shit yeah yeah all the defaults so i that's that's

how that happened i got the well you can hear at the beginning of the cause i played it that's what

what i did i got into the uh i found it was a it was an actual job wanted ad in the newspaper i

called the place and went to the answer machine i i hacked it yeah hacked it got in listen to the

yeah yeah that's still the brilliant call these are good demonstrations they kind of

suck about the guy but i still rate that call highly because of all the good parts

it wasn't that bad it's not like you're really fucking like you know exactly

because they'll be like, oh, come on, you're joking.

Yeah, I didn't make him come down for a job like the guy later on a couple years ago

that I had him walking around the Walmart looking for me.

All right, everyone, so, yeah, if you want to.

For the technical excellence, dude, I give it a 9.

Yeah, I'll take the cost.

Maybe 8 on the guy being a little bit proper, a 9.

That alarm was a project from my electronics engineering class.

It was a little kit that I had to solder.

it was an actual it was an actual little kit that i soldered for an assignment in class

that's what that was i had just i had just finished it and i was like okay make a recording

of it then and then that way you don't have to bring the box back right right everyone anyway

look if you want to call in 405-396-6884 the line should be working 405-396-6884

please call let me know let me try again from the cell phone because it just it just

Operators are awaiting your call right now.

I just saw a missed call, but it was working, so I don't know.

I lost my cell phone.

We are cycling the system, and it's nothing intentional.

Cycling the system.

It's all for the best.

We're doing a recent upgrade, and I apologize that my fingers have slipped a couple of times.

Yeah, it's working for me.

I'm getting through.

Your call is important.

Yeah, I'm getting through, so the mouth line is open.

Call in if you want, goddammit.

Let's get to the prank calls, though.

We got some swap shop numbers to get to.

didn't parkman talk to you i don't know if you sent me call numbers yeah are there really i didn't

i didn't look yet okay oh hell yeah dude there's a bunch of good ones dude all right good good

let's call this yard sale first though yard sale yard sale all right let's get it off there we go

someone is calling how big of a yard are you selling there how big of a yard you got there

paul we're gonna call someone in paul you're connected we're in the middle of a call

oh man okay i don't think they're gonna pick up though they're not picking up all right

caller you can talk since you're a lady who's calling what's your name uh nadia nadia cool

what's up well you're the one that sends me pictures of weed all the time yep oh okay cool

cool so that's good good to hear from you milkman this this this uh she's always sending me like

strains and stuff and like do you know people that grow it are you that's good that's kind of cool

No, my boyfriend's friend froze it, but I don't know what it's called.

Okay, it's just mystery shit, right?

One that Miguel froze.

It's called Dirt.

OG Fire.

Milkman, you know anything about that there, buddy?

OG Fire is top notch, baby.

That's good stuff right there.

It's a real popular thing.

It's top notch.

Right.

It is.

I couldn't sleep for shit last night, and I just smoked a big, huge bowl of it and

knocked my ass out.

That must be an indica, then.

Yeah, it's got to be an Indica in the couch.

Like, what's a good Piva strain?

Uh, the, um...

Green crack.

I mean, yeah, green crack.

I don't know if, like, the ones that are available here...

I'm here, we're here.

Blue Dream.

Blue Dream says Milkman.

Blue Dream and green crack.

Oh, yeah, it's, uh, I'm looking for a six-lug rim.

You're looking for a six-lug rim for a Dodge Dakota?

And tires?

Sixteen-inch tires?

Hello?

No, I was looking for a six-lug rim.

Yeah, a six-lug rim.

Yes.

For a Dodge Dakota.

And also, you're looking for a caregiver job.

I've got an old lady who needs care.

Do you have experience in that?

Yes.

All right.

Do you have a license?

Are you a registered nurse, an RN?

Yes.

Okay.

All right.

And, I mean, are you independent?

How do you work?

Oh, come on.

Give me a break, lady.

Yeah, she's there.

She didn't want to fucking...

I didn't realize she answered.

My bad.

So what are you saying?

Blue Dream, Milkman?

Blue Dream and Green Crack.

Green Crack, I've heard of.

Nice.

Yeah, I think most of the strains that we get here in PA are like,

they're not the ones in the West Coast, I don't think.

Is it for OG Kush that they got here?

Like, Milkman names a whole bunch of them, and I've heard about them,

but I've never seen them out here.

Lemonade is a good one, super lemonade.

A little bit of a hybrid, but mostly sativa.

My boyfriend, like...

Hello, yeah.

Hello.

Hi, I was calling about the caregiver job.

You need a caregiver, or...?

No, we need a caregiver.

Yeah, we need a caregiver.

giver okay that would be my girlfriend can i have her call you right back i'm at walmart spending

some money oh where you at where you at um at walmart well i'm here too where you at i'm here

i'm waiting for you where you at let's meet up where you at who is this my name is cross who

cross cross i don't know who that is no but i'm here i'm here at the walmart's now i'm in the

walk i'm in the walmart's you know i'm in the parking lot right now over here why don't you

Where are you at?

Silver Staten View.

As soon as I get done sending money, I'll be out there.

All right.

Well, hurry up.

All right.

Or give me a call back when you're outside because I'm looking for you right now.

Good deal.

Where are you at?

Whatever.

I don't know what I'm doing.

God, people today.

I thought it was that guy.

It sounded like him from back in the day.

Yeah.

Anyway, do you do pranks there?

Nadia, what's your name?

Nadia?

No.

Nadia, yeah.

You like listening to them?

Cool.

I like to listen.

Cool.

All right.

On my way to work, as I go to sleep, all that jazz.

Nice.

All right.

Cool.

All right.

Also, thanks for...

One more I'll put out there.

Lamb's bread.

Lamb's bread, if you can find it.

Lamb's bread.

Okay.

And we smoked Kremlin Wall from the Russian Assassins.

That one's pretty good, too.

The Kremlin Wall, huh?

I've never heard that one.

I wonder if it's...

Is it red?

That'd be kind of cool if it had, like, red hairs on it.

No, but it smells, like, amazing.

Okay.

Nice.

All right, cool.

So I'm guessing...

All right, well, anyway,

the two of you,

you have a good night,

both of you over there.

Thanks for listening, all right?

Thanks.

All right, bye.

See you.

Peace out, Porto Aide.

And she's sending pictures

of these awesome fucking buds

that she's getting.

I'm like, holy shit.

I got the news on in the background.

John McCain's casket is arriving

in...

They sent it to D.C.

It looks like it's on Air Force One.

It's not,

but it's on an Air Force One-looking plane.

I'm pretty sure Trump didn't give his...

Maybe it's Air Force Two.

We're at Andrews Air Force Base, or Joint Base Andrews is his call now, I believe.

Anyway, Noddy, his line is clear.

I don't think he needs the room service.

Hello?

La, la, la, la, la.

That's where I reached it.

Oh, really?

Yeah, really.

Nice.

We got a yard sale, but they don't have a phone number.

Nice.

All right, let's get the Parkman numbers, guys.

I'm going to come dragging a little bit.

Let's get animated here.

Let's focus.

Remember, 405-396-684 if you want to call, just like this person here is doing.

Hello, human.

How can I help you?

This is Cross.

Oh, yeah.

How you doing there, boy?

Hey.

Oh, this is John Doc Rossi.

Long time listener.

First time caller.

I know you call him a lot.

How you doing?

Pretty good.

You sound like an American gin steward.

Hey, thanks for joining.

Yeah.

I appreciate it.

Hey, look, man.

Oh, hello.

What's your name, caller?

This is Jon Doc Rossi, a.k.a. American

Jen Stewart.

American Jen Stewart. Does he kind of sound like an American?

You know how Jen Stewart has that voice where he's kind of nasally

and all that? Yeah, he does have that

kind of a little bit of a Marvin-esque to it.

That's a nice little list there.

What the fuck did you just say about my voice there?

Yeah, like he's

one to talk, right? Fucking Milkman

talking about the guy's voice.

The nice caller who's calling in and being nice.

And Milkman's all...

Oh, it sounds great.

You sound just like Jim Stewart.

You sound like Jim Stewart.

Very close.

Yeah, right.

I don't know what happened there.

I called in, I heard, I just heard a...

I think it was just me, I was drinking a lot.

Probably.

Hey, man, I'm going to rent a goat.

You hang on there, Mr. American Gin Story.

Thank you.

I'll call you back as soon as you can.

We rent goats.

Man, I want to rent some goat machines.

Damn.

I'll try again.

Cut off your Samsung phone.

music fucking stop oh shoot well yeah well my mother-in-law's that's where my mother-in-law

is and trying to get her goats over there you know oh okay yeah so what's up brother what kind

of goats you have are they pygmies siamese what kind you got oh we got full-size goats all right

are they ethiopian breed or like what no boars and kikos nice nice okay all right and so well

she's got a big lawn these guys are good to eat like a lot of grass i mean about how much how

How much could they consume in a day or a session?

Well, we do basically our minimum is an acre and a half.

Oh, we're easily there.

She's easily got 10 acres.

She's in a place called Horse Machine Ranch.

Horse Machine Ranch.

I'm not familiar with that one.

I can get you the GPS coordinates.

So basically, there's a filming company that wants to come out here,

and they're going to be filming a scene for a movie called John the Animal Lover.

And John is going to be making love to a girl in the middle of a goat herd in this scene.

and it's going to be filmed on my mother-in-law's property.

So we're looking for the goats just to come and consume grass.

It needs to be mowed down anyway.

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, the goats aren't really going to be participating.

It's kind of a romantic story, a post-apocalyptic romantic story,

and they're going to make love in the scene in the middle of the goat herding.

They're going to be arguing about the goats.

Yeah, maybe just send me all the details in an email.

know okay uh john might touch the goats also or you know we also think about bringing in like an

exotic big cat to chase him around yeah no i'm not okay with that you are okay cool excellent yeah

all right that's cool yeah i've yeah no i got a i got an expert he's from the united kingdom

and he specializes in exotic cats and equine horses giant horses okay yeah please just send

me the details in the email okay how big are the goat sexual organs yeah come on sexual organs

all right good uh i want to apologize for all our shoutcast listeners who lost shoutcast probably

there for a few minutes sorry my bad all right call are you there still american gen story i'm

here still all right good good good do you do pranks or do you just like to listen and jerk it

oh goodness i like jerking it as much as i'll try a prank call okay all right an engineering

Oh, yeah, I have an engineer.

Oh, yeah, really?

Get out.

See you, I got you.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I thought you were being, you were really an engineer.

Holy shit.

Right.

Get it on.

Oh, yeah, oh, no, no, please don't interrupt me.

It's okay, I'll try again.

Maybe zero?

I'll give zero, Sean.

If you know your party's extension, please press 9.

Sometimes Parkland puts an instruction in here for me.

What does it say?

To leave a general message with your name.

Is this file at zero?

No.

I'll try it again.

Thank you for calling Woodrocks.

The whole thing.

Thank you for calling Woodrocks.

Nine.

If you know your party's extension, please press 9.

I mean, I don't know.

Please enter extension number.

Press star to return to the menu.

I did 100.

This isn't going to work.

I don't know the extension.

I don't know.

That's not going to work.

All right.

Bail on that one there.

I guess they're not answering.

Bikini model judge.

Very nice.

That I can do.

That I definitely can do.

Looking at the breasts.

Judging the breasts and the curvatures.

Please hold while we connect your call to extension one.

Extension one.

Oh, no.

Music.

The YouTube.

The money.

They'll steal the money from us.

Hey, guys.

I don't want to be here, but your voice is kind of confusing.

I would have so much judging bikinis, but, man, what's the point?

You know they have a cloth over the front of the table so all the judges could jerk it, right?

Yeah.

Pitchfork.

Aw, message.

Patrick McKinney.

Fuck Patrick McKinney, right?

All right, well, that didn't go down either.

We got a water park here.

Don't worry, American Gin Stewart, we'll find something for you here.

A water park.

This should be open for another hour.

Do you got any ideas for a water park?

It's in Las Vegas.

Yeah, let's try something.

I mean, yeah, don't worry, I'm patient.

I got between six and a hundred minutes, so we've got time.

Nice.

Between six and a hundred minutes, all right.

You're not damn right about that one.

Listen, John McCain's daughter-in-law.

Crying about the fucking dad.

Listen, I mean, he died, he died.

You saw it, he was suffering.

This is definitely copyrighted.

God damn.

Carlita, I appreciate you putting out those calls of the weeks up there, boy.

Yeah, I'm trying.

So far this week, I don't think there's going to be one.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, it's good.

I like that.

Again, if you go to Reddit, if you follow the Madhouse subreddit, Madhouse Radio subreddit,

I comment pretty earnestly at length on my opinions of every show.

And for the last show, I did say that I thought last week's show was great.

It was a great Madhouse show, but it didn't make for a good Prank Calls of the Week.

The pranks weren't that good, but the show itself, between me and Milkman talking about crazy shit and joking around

and the callers and stuff like that, it was a good overall show.

show and you know i i give honest feedback everyone should be checking out our subreddit

come on help me out what's going on i'm sure i look yeah i i do like how you guys you know

the title wasn't necessarily just a prank call it was how you guys would just chat with everyone

it felt like an old show you know there's nothing wrong with that it's listed in the

whole show it gets me through work that's what we've been going for is trying to bring back

the old times and you know everything was fun it's right man you guys caught on man exactly

Yep, yep.

We had a lot of fun.

And the big thing was letting people call in.

It's been really popular.

The phone doesn't stop ringing.

The line doesn't stop ringing when we do it, yeah.

Who are those YouTube commenters talking shit about work, man?

Tell me the truth.

Yeah.

Oh, cool.

All right, so here's a different number.

This is the IT department for my old college, the college that I went to, my alma mater, UCF IT Helpline.

School just started this week over there, actually.

The school semester started.

I got my alumni email.

I did press zero calling you.

Thank you for calling the University of Central Florida.

Good night.

Please say both the first and last person please hold for further assistance.

Did you want to bring me in or did you want me to start this one?

Let me start this one.

I'll bring you in because I got an idea.

Thank you for contacting the UCF IT Support Center.

Bring me in hard.

Our business hours are Monday through Friday, 7 a.m. to 10 p.m.

Right.

If you've reached this recording during business hours.

Come on.

Oh, Jesus.

Hello?

Oh, still on hold here.

All right, guys.

I'm really...

If I can get people to pick up, it'd be great right now.

Thank you for calling the University of Central Florida.

Please say the name of the individual.

Please hold for further assistance.

Go Knights.

Golden Knights, sir.

Not just Knights.

I know I said Go Knights, but I'm just saying.

Be respectful, please.

Oh, my apologies there, yeah?

Yeah, fucking...

Yeah, it's...

I don't like to talk too much about sports because, you know, everyone here...

All the neckbeards of those in the show are like,

yeah, I like sports.

I like sports games.

I like football.

I like handbags.

The only sport that's watchable is chess.

Chess.

Everything else is for nerds.

StarCraft II tournaments.

Oh, yeah.

Thank you for contacting the UCF IT Support Center.

Our business hours are Monday through Friday.

Oh, man.

Milkman, it's one of them nights, bro.

Oh, food delivery service.

Schwan's.

There we go, Schwan's.

I'm a big fan of their meatballs, everyone.

If you've got a Schwan's guy in the neighborhood that comes to your house,

their ice cream is shit, but God damn it, those meatballs, man.

You get yourself those meatballs and a pack of toothpicks,

you've got a party going, man.

Fuck yeah.

I never tried those.

I only tried the ice cream, which seemed to be good back in the day.

Ah, the frozen meatballs.

My mom would get a big bag of balls, and she'd put them in a crock pot,

and she'd put in a bunch of adobo and onions and garlic,

and two cans of tomato sauce.

She would spick it out, man, and it tasted good as hell with rice and beans.

Huh?

No peppers?

No, man, the peppers.

No, no, no, no.

That's too much.

It gets watery.

Come on, man.

We're calling Schwanz on delivery.

While we're waiting, Milkman, I got a question for you.

Want a refreshing, healthy snack for summer?

Try out new pineapple chunks for our delicious...

Milkman, a question for you.

Thank you so very much for calling Schwanz on service.

My name is Peyton.

May I ask who I'm speaking with today?

Hey, my name is Akulo, A-C-U-L-O.

All right, Mr. Kulu, what could I do for you today?

Okay, yeah, I wanted to talk about the meatballs.

All right.

Okay, the delivery driver's been coming by my house during the day,

and he keeps talking about the meatballs and how good they are to my wife.

All right.

All right, and is he being inappropriate, or what's going on here?

What's this about?

So that could be taken as a double entendre,

but we do have two different types of meatballs that we do sell.

He keeps saying that they come in bags of two.

All right.

All right, so then that I do not know, sir.

All right, and my son was there the last time.

He's a teenager.

He was actually home from school already,

and he says that when he got home that they were kind of fixing their clothes.

All right.

All right, and he could tell you all about it.

Hey, boy, boy, well, tell him about that, what the Schwan's guy had done.

What did he do?

Yeah, what happened was my mama had stole my sheet.

She walked up, and the guy was like, he's a real black guy.

He said, yo, man, you want to see these balls, me balls?

He said, what the fuck?

My mother-in-law, man, you don't ask no balls or nothing.

He's like, look, son.

He said, look, boy.

That's what he said to me, the boy.

I said, man, you don't send no balls to my mama.

She's like, oh, go to your room, little Jew.

Go to your room.

So I went to my room, and I heard a smack in the wall.

You heard a smack in the wall?

And I told my dad.

Yeah, I told my dad right away, man.

listen my son recorded it on his iphone yeah here you go dad here's my fucking iphone here play that

listen to what happened listen what the way he recorded sorry the music was mine you see

and

And the guy's name is Bill.

You got anyone there that's named Bill?

Yeah.

You got anyone there that's named Bill?

What, man?

What's going on, man?

What the fuck?

So, I don't have any access to our drivers at all.

Yeah, I'm sorry for the language, but that's my mama, man.

I told my dad I'm not a tattletale.

Snitches get bitches, you know what I'm saying?

I don't need no bitch.

But, yeah, I have to tell my dad after that, man.

I love your company every day, man.

I just don't want to fuck it up, you know what I'm saying?

But I have to say, that's my mama.

You don't fucking talk to me like that.

Can you just put a note in the account that Bill's not allowed to come here anymore and fuck my wife?

All right?

All right.

Yeah, just put it like real big.

Say, don't fuck.

No, Bill.

uh fucking cross uh aculo cross's wife just put that down all right and i don't want to see that

motherfucker here again you understand yes sir all right and i and what's your name what's your

operator id i don't have an operator id do you have a sign in on your for your computer to log

into it to unlock it no sir what kind of computer what environment are you using windows or linux

i'm not allowed to disclose that information oh yeah you can't come on what do you use what do

do you use your login what's your active directory domain there sir we're not allowed to disclose

what's the active directory domain what's your dns server we're not allowed to disclose that

sir all right can you click on start and go to run and type in cmd like charlie michael david

and hit enter and you'll get a black screen on the window can you do that for me please

and then type type african american school and then type ip config and then go ahead and read

out to me what you have there for your ip address it should be series of numbers with dots sir did

you actually need something or is this going to be going on for longer no i need your ip address

sir that's not going to happen well just can you can you hit one on your phone no sir we cannot

can you say the word authorize no sir i command you to say authorize what's your mother's maiden

name son yeah what's your mother's maiden name i don't have a mom wow okay all right wow what are

are your command codes by the list child no go fuck go fuck yourself get the fuck off my phone

go yeah go be fucking you go be fucking you yeah yeah bye mercy kill on that yeah yeah i don't know

i'm real upset tonight oh that was pretty good one actually that was a nice call don't you know

you don't have to kiss my ass it's all right man oh no you were trash i was the star of that one

Yeah, true.

All right.

Well, thanks for calling.

American Chin Stewart, thanks for calling and totally outshining me.

Best call of the night.

Yay.

Oh, yeah.

God bless you both.

I'll call back next week, yeah?

We'll be here.

See you later, buddy.

All right.

I'm going to put my penis inside of an ice cream.

Bye.

What if you get ice cream up your urethra, right?

Oh, man, that'd be cold, to say the least, and then you pee it out, and it comes out

real slow like an ice cream worm.

Wow.

405-396-6884

is the number to call this shit show

I was sitting here on mute and I was

telling this young man that he did a very

good job, I was very impressed

changing the voices, it was a lot

of fun man

and that slurpy straw is

the ice up to your reach

slurpy straw

proactive acne medicine

you know proactive, I think that's how you

pronounce it? Oh yeah, that's the one

and everybody wants to spend $50 on to work.

They got vending machines with that shit in at the mall.

If there's even any...

I know.

If you can find a wall.

These prices are like $50 and shit.

Yeah, it's crazy.

You know, I never made...

Hello.

Huh?

Thank you for calling Proactiv,

the number one acne brand in America.

If you are a new customer

and would like to place your first order,

please press 1 for questions regarding your account,

including tracking or packing,

or to speak with a customer service representative,

Yeah, dude, have you ever been in an airport, maybe, and you see...

All right, all right, so, like...

Well, yeah, that's the thing.

Like, I remember specifically, like, in, like, 2008, 2009, I was at an airport.

Yeah.

And there were iPods on it, in the vending machine.

Yeah, they had all that shit back then.

Hello?

How may I help you today?

Is this?

You can say things like.

What?

Order.

Okay.

To quickly get you to the right place.

Oh, God.

Tell us why you're calling.

New order.

The number you're calling from is not on file.

Please say or enter the phone number you used when registering your account.

I didn't register account.

This is.

Oh, Jesus.

I was supposed to be able to call and hit one.

Let me try that again.

So, yeah, dude.

Dude, I was at an airport once, and there were iPods for sale.

And I'm thinking, I can see the benefit.

I'm going to be on a plane, and it would be nice to have an iPod to listen to music to

or a podcast during the flight.

But if you bought an iPod with nothing loaded on it, what was the point?

I don't understand.

Why would someone want to buy a blank iPod?

Well, my point was, did you get a gander at the prices?

Oh, they're crazy.

I know, they're crazy fucking prices.

They're one fucking, like, $100 or $200 over, like, retail or whatever.

What's the point?

Why would you just wait until you get home and buy...

And here's the other...

I think it's a novelty.

You ever see that Sky...

You ever see that SkyMall fucking shit?

SkyMall news...

Or, uh, magazine?

I see that all the time.

I've never bought from it.

Is any of it reputable?

I don't know.

I mean, some of the stuff looks cool, but it's way overpriced.

It's kind of like Brookstone.

You ever been to a Brookstone before?

The store in the mall?

No, I've never heard of that one.

It's kind of like SkyMall shit, but in a store.

And from what I understand, I believe Brookstone just announced that they're closing all their stores.

I think they're out of business.

They're going online.

Dude, that was a fun as hell story.

You go to a Brookstone, and they would have all these fucking cool 007 gadgets and shit.

And these mattresses and stuff.

Thank you for calling Brookstone.

done this is cross and you're in the room whatever holy shit is this carlito this is carlito i can

help you hey what's up man uh i've been a listener for a few years i fucking i listen to you every

day yep and uh first time calling i tried to call you and brad and could never get through so uh

yeah and uh i'm really good at pranks oh are you cool do you you should record your pranks

Thanks for sending them to me.

Maybe I'll put one on the show.

Oh, all right, I'll do that.

What's your name, Carl?

You got a name?

You got a prank handle?

Yeah, my name is Drew.

Drew Peanuts.

I get it.

Drew Peanuts.

My brother's name is Lou.

Lou Sassel.

And my name is Scott.

I'm on the East Coast in North Carolina.

Yeah, represent Carolinas.

Yeah, man.

Yeah.

And I'm the one, I'm the Marine that writes, I'm the Marine that had three combat tours

with a machine gunner, and I always write in phone losers and your comments when people

get so upset about the dumbest shit, and they don't even fucking realize, like, third

world problems, like, real problems, like, oh, no, they're cutting off all our fucking

heads today.

Oh, yeah.

So on the YouTube comments, you say crazy shit and people get mad, you're saying, or

like, just...

No, they don't get mad.

I'm just talking about the people that you guys prank that get upset about the dumbest shit, you know?

Like, if you swear, they're like, oh, no, I've never been tired.

And they're like, Christ, it's like, oh, my gosh.

You guys don't even know how the world works.

Yeah, man.

I do make prank calls.

I do record them on my iPhone, usually after a two-shot to whiskey.

I'll call AT&T and, yes, iPhone machine places.

horse machine places life alert machine life alert you like life alert what's that life

for is that the button i fall and i can't get up right yeah and yeah they're open 24 7 and i

you know brad was just talking about on phone losers uh not to talk about his show all the

time but you should do this too you know i used to get so many calls from telemarketers

and i say please don't call me back and they call me back i learned that they cannot hang up

So I would keep them on for like a half hour, 45 minutes and just ramble about being struck by lightning and ghosts, like ghost stories and everything and act like you see now.

Oh, baby, baby, I don't get telemarketing calls at all now.

It's great.

Good.

So if you want telemarketers or stuff, there might be like a reverse.

There might be like a reverse.

Do not call us where they put you like abusive customer or abusive.

Yeah.

Don't call this guy.

Yeah.

And, you know, when you get mad and you swear, they're going to call you right back.

You think so?

Just to fuck around?

You know what I mean?

Yeah, like, they get upset, you know, and they're like, oh, we're going to call him three more times today.

And I've tried everything.

I tried yelling.

I tried being nice.

They kept calling.

So once I basically ear-fucked them, you know, raked their ear and just talked their ear off, it works, man.

And you waste their time, basically.

Like, oh, fuck, now he's gone.

I've got to call him.

I've got to make a call.

Yeah.

You need to do a Jack Valente call.

Do a Jack Valente call, Carlito.

For quality assurance purposes, this call may be monitored or recorded.

Please wait while I connect your call.

Wasn't it just me saying I'm Jack Valente?

Thanks for calling CashNet USA.

Hi, CashNet.

My name is Erica.

Who are we calling?

CashNet USA, right?

Yes.

My name is Erica with CashNet USA.

Oh, that's a boy's name.

I was calling regarding getting an application and maybe an instant decision and get some fast funding.

But I have some questions first.

Are you going to do a hard pull on my credit?

Sure, a soft pull.

Well, no problem.

We'd be happy to help you with that.

So we don't do any credit hits towards your credit score,

so there's no reporting to the three major credit bureaus.

We would do a consumer inquiry.

Is there whether the fees lag?

What's the APR?

What's the interest on this?

I'm sorry, go ahead.

Listen, I bet my wife's paycheck on the game, and I lost,

so I need cash very quickly.

they got to put back into the account before she notices it and she's probably gonna start looking

this weekend and go shopping and stuff and i got the bookie on the line here and he might make a

deal with me here if i get some cash money you know he might be willing to go down if you know

what i mean okay well the information regarding the interest and such is actually based on the

state that you apply in as well as the loan amount that you borrowed so if you you know if you need

additional details what i can do is actually transfer to the department that would be able

able to assist you with that. I apologize. You've actually reached

the collections team. So, like, what's

your job? You just answer the phone? I mean,

what's the point of you even being there? Can't an

automated system transfer me to

the right department, too, or

no? Well, you've actually reached the collections

department, so the number that you dialed

was to our department specifically.

I mean, I didn't call the number

of my friend, so don't accuse me

of doing this shit.

Yeah, listen. This isn't a

a collection situation. This is over your head.

You can't handle this.

Can you get back in the kitchen and make

some sandwiches,

please? Well, unfortunately, I'm not a

housewife. I don't make situations like that.

I can transfer applications

to the support team if you would like to assist with

answering questions. You probably can't even rattle

some eggs in a pan or anything

like that. You can shake your behind, but you can't

cook some bacon. You can't make eggs with

heat. Is there anything else I can do for you guys today?

Obviously not. You can't do anything.

You can't do anything for anybody.

Yeah, you can shut your, you can shut your, maybe, hey, hey, shut up, shut up, please,

maybe shut your cock hole, sir, your cum dump, sir.

That way I'm going to go ahead and disconnect the call.

No, you transfer the call.

Shut your cum dump, sir, your pie hole.

Transfer the call.

It's because she doesn't have a, her father wasn't around.

That's what it is.

Jesus Christ.

God damn.

We got dark.

I just thought I'd go off on her.

I didn't know what to do.

Yeah, I thought about that.

No, that's cool.

I'm saying that was awesome.

We went dark there on her.

I like your style, guy.

I like your style.

I do a good impression of Ethel from Howard Stern, Sal and Richard.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

For quality assurance purposes, this call may be monitored or recorded.

Please wait while I connect your call.

Yeah, go for it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

And then I'll call because this is a collection that's going to be a talk show.

Thanks for calling.

Lamar, man, please have your customer ID.

Lamar.

Hi.

How you doing?

It's Ethel.

Ethel and Fred.

Fred, how you doing? You doing all right?

Fred, can I have your laptop?

Good, good.

Well, my husband, Fred, he'll be in in a minute.

He's got all the info.

I just thought I'd get on the hello phone and dial you up.

He'll be in here in a couple seconds.

I got the paperwork right here.

My grandson loves to study web semesters.

How you doing? You doing all right?

Yep, I'm doing pretty good.

Good. Good. Good. How is that? How are you doing?

Fred? He's coming. He's coming. What's your name again, dear?

Lamar.

Lamar. That's a sweet name. Lamar.

Thank you.

Good. Good. How's the weather where you are? Good?

Good now.

Tall weather. Wow. Wow. You're not yanking my chain, are you?

Wow.

You know, I was struck by lightning a week ago before I got to work boots off,

and I was making grilled cheese sandwiches, and my shoes flew off,

and I knocked back about 20 feet, and all the grilled cheese sandwiches landed on the roof.

Thank God I'm alive. Thank God. Lots of prayer.

And my shoes flew off.

The propane tank went so high up, firefighters never found it.

They said that poor bastard went up in the space.

Believe it or not.

Sir?

Yes.

Sir.

A Lamont?

Yes, sir.

Yes.

I'm a man, not a sir.

Yes, ma'am.

Can you just join me for a prayer and let me heal from the lightning strike that put the propane tank in space?

You mind doing that with me, dear?

Okay, you said what now?

Can you just say a prayer for me while we wait for my husband, Fred, to give you the social security numbers and get the ball rolling?

Okay, I'll start.

Dear Santa and baby Jesus, let me heal and let my hair not look like I'm a skunk from getting struck by lightning.

I got this white streak down.

Let me get some food stamps this week and bless God and bless the gays.

Amen.

Do you have anything you want to add to that?

And God be with you after everything that you've been through.

Thank you, dear.

Thank you.

Amen.

Amen. Amen.

That's bad.

Hey, yes, ma'am. I'm not a sir, I'm a man.

Now, my grandson, Rusty, he's here.

He just learned how to pump off, so I got lots of laundry to do.

My sheets, I swear, I can put them straight up and crack them in half.

So I got that going on.

You know, those little teenagers, once they learn to pump off, that's it.

You know, so other than that, how you doing now?

You doing all right?

Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm doing fine.

good good i think uh my friend or my husband my husband fred he's gonna come in and he'll

talk to you okay dear have a good day lamont you too hello hey lamont and uh idea the home

phone number seven seven yeah seven it's just seven yeah phone number yeah seven

seven hey look look my dad my can't put my father riley on the phone he might understand

i think he has that information can you give me a second i'm sorry okay uh sir yeah my uncle riley

i'm sorry okay hang on right riley uncle riley there he is who is on this account who is on this

account i'm not who's on the account is your ass who not is riley is that you is that you uncle

Uncle Riley, hang on, hang on, he's got it.

Sir, no, please, sir, we're just getting ready.

Calm down, sir.

Uncle Riley, what number do you need?

Uncle Riley will get it for you.

What do you need?

Who is this account named in?

It's under Uncle Riley.

I need to talk to you.

R-I-L-E-Y.

He's on the phone.

He's on the phone, sir.

Riley, can I have your customer ID and your home phone number?

uh-huh have your customer idea your home phone can you hear me can you hear me there he goes

finally jesus christ yeah that was a nice yeah you got a little riley in there too

nice that was that was good uh that was good richard christie impersonation

oh you know oh he hung up yeah richard christie man ethal ethal yeah yeah

i'm a woman not a man yeah howard always goofs out like no one ever thinks he's he's a woman

when he does that voice at all yeah he doesn't even correct them anymore yeah yeah i'm not as

big as you those tradeo prank calls are the best oh yeah yeah something because there's a big this

youtube collections are like 90 minutes long each of you know all the tradeo i just play them

sometimes yeah i listen to those like i'll usually what i do is uh i put my bluetooth headphones on

yeah i play your show and i'll go in my pool and i'll lay on my float in my backyard and i'm pretty

secluded like i have a big backyard but there's a business through the woods and i swear they

think i'm crazy because all they hear me doing is laughing no they can't see me but they can't

hear me because i i hear their phone ring okay you know inside the business and i hear them talk

and stuff it's an auto chop and uh they just hear me laughing my ass off every fucking day man from

like noon to three they have to think i'm crazy that's awesome that's awesome just go out there

float you know get some get some take some flexerol flexerol pills and float yeah or a perk

or smoke a doobie

and have a beer,

you know?

Hell yeah,

Margarita.

I don't want to promote it,

but, you know.

Yeah.

You know.

Yeah, yeah.

I like K2 shit,

but don't get

into that K2 shit.

Oh, no, dude.

Arty, Evil Arty

will tell you about K2.

Dude, I miss Evil Arty.

She got reminded

a little bit of Evil Arty

as well as playing

that joke there.

Yeah, yeah.

So, Sal and Richard

on Howard's turn,

I don't think

they do train calls anymore

for you guys.

No, because that Tracy,

that Tracy bitch,

I don't listen

listen to the show anymore but that tracy bitch took everything fun away from it howard like got

into like some book that this lady tracy something wrote about organizing your life and ended up

hiring her to be the program manager of the stations i think and she's like she's like you

can't don't so like wendy the retard is now wendy some wendy the slow adult and oh no are you your

Is your PC now?

Oh, super PC, yeah.

And, like, what's his face?

Well, who's the other retard?

Gary the Retard is now Gary the Warrior.

Gary the Retard.

Yeah.

Oh, that is so...

Oh, dude, it's...

What about High Pitch Eric?

High Pitch Eric, he's not on anymore.

He doesn't even get...

They don't even let High Pitch Eric on anymore, really, for what I understand.

Bigfoot and Blue Iris were good.

I doubt they're on.

Yeah, no.

Blue Iris died a while ago.

Isn't Bigfoot dead?

She's...

Oh, Blue Iris died.

I don't know about the new Bigfoot.

The old, the original Bigfoot died back in, like, 99.

The Blue Iris died maybe five, six years ago.

Oh, shit, I don't know.

That'll stop whacking off to her then when I hear her voice.

I can't masturbate over dead people.

No, Eric the Midget died a couple years ago.

Did he really?

Yeah, he died a couple years ago.

Maybe two or three years ago.

The show isn't what it is.

I love the show, too.

Huh?

What's that?

Are you with me on the show, too?

Who?

Eric.

Eric the Midget?

I pitch Eric.

High Pitch Eric, he's been on this show.

Yeah, he shows Lego on PCU and the new PCU, whatever.

And he was on our show, too, because we did calls with him.

Yeah, I know, but he would call, like...

No way.

You guys made calls with him?

Yeah, Lego.

He would call...

High Pitch Eric, he would call my cell phone and leave me a message like,

Fuck you, Carlito.

I'm going to fucking kill you.

And I play them for people at work.

Like, you know High Pitch Eric?

I'm like, yeah, he calls me.

these voicemails. Here, listen, it's like,

fuck you, Carlito.

Is he a fan? No, because he actually

banned me on Facebook, on his Facebook

account, and he hasn't talked to me since.

Because every time he posts

something on Facebook, I kept saying that he should

take a shower. He'd say,

I'm going down to get sushi,

and I'd say, make sure you take a nice shower.

And he's like,

fuck you, Carlito. And he finally banned

me three years ago.

He had enough of me.

I would have heard that one

because I'm trying to listen

to everything you post, but even

the old ones, they're all

great, man. They're fucking great.

Eric was kind of famous. He went

mainstream for a while. He was doing a

YouTube live show, but it got shut down.

Something, some drama last

year. Huh. Yeah.

He was trying to stream himself. I wonder what happened.

I don't know. It was some kind of bullshit.

His account got flagged

because of the shit

shit he was doing or oh i think he was doing prank calls maybe that he was telling people

was going to kill him or he was saying that to the people watching that he was gonna because

eric does that he that's his thing he's always like i'm gonna fucking kill you that's what he

says that shit all the time yeah and didn't you say i thought he said he was gonna kill us all

too and they took it as might have been or something yeah he might have said something

like yeah i wouldn't put it above him yeah yeah all right man i gotta open the lines but hey good

call man sounds good all right i appreciate it all right thanks for listening man all right

God bless you.

See you, my old friend.

Thank you for calling.

Peace, brother.

All right, buddy.

All right.

That was a good caller.

So far, the callers are carrying the show.

This might be a caller special show.

405-396-6884.

That's 405-396-6884 to join the line and carry the show for Carlito.

We ain't getting nowhere.

We're going to go back to the parking lot.

Hey, man, look at these job numbers down here.

Scoot down the list and look at all these job numbers.

And Guam.

And the Island Republic of Guam.

Hey, real quick.

Real quick.

Let me check out.

I think we had at least one Super Chat donation here that we got to check out.

Let me see what window it is.

A new subscription.

A new, not a subscription, Milkman.

No, it's like a donation.

You know what I mean?

Come on, man.

Okay, well, okay.

One-time subscriber.

Yeah.

We'll just call them subscribers so that we can give them a name for credit for being kind to us.

I know.

They're subscribed in their own kind of way, I guess, right?

I mean, that's a one-time subscription.

That's good.

we love it i love dude i'm not complaining they want to help us out help us out uh if i could

find the fucking window that has those notifications i would gladly tell everyone who it is i saw one

donation here at least one here we go uh yes uh walter heimlich maneuver sent in a donation of

ten dollars thank you that's way too nice that's a good handle too i like a maneuver to it um is

Is there a love to make a playlist for work?

Give a Fiverr to Milkman for me, brother.

Long live the madhouse.

Look at this guy.

See a Fiverr, man.

A Fiverr.

All right.

Fiverr.

Yeah, these songs are fucking up.

God bless you.

Hell yeah.

All right.

See, I told you music is very important to our listeners.

Our listeners love the music selections we have.

Yep, so yeah.

That's why we do this for you.

I've been wanting to do that.

This is the first week I was going to do it.

I got an implementation where I can outpour.

If I remember to do it at the end of the show,

I can export out a list of the songs I played during the show,

and I can add that to the show description on the Madhouse Live website.

Thank you for reminding me.

I'm going to make an effort to at least make a note of what songs played.

I would really love for there to be a Madhouse wiki

where the community

could come in

and just like

kind of document

what happened

like show notes

and stuff like that

it's really hard for me

to do so much shit

but maybe one day

we'll have a working

Madhouse Wiki

Brad has one going

it's pretty cool

but it'd be nice

to document

the different pranks

and the characters

and the shit

we've talked about

anyway

405-396-6884

thanks Walter

for calling

for your donation

much appreciated

everyone

be sure to check out

the chat room

discord.gg

WG forward slash pranks.

Discord dot double G slash pranks.

That is the Discord chat room.

The hijinks Discord chat where you can chat.

There you go.

You can chat and you can chat.

There.

That's all I got.

Congratulations.

There's a big link to that right now over at the main page, madhouselive.com also.

If you didn't catch that, no matter what, during a show or when we're not live, go to madhouselive.com.

Everything you need to get all your madhouse in is right there.

Call in and leave your voicemails if you can't get into the show.

Call in and leave a voicemail.

I play those at the end.

Yeah, I like to make sure everyone's been heard.

So I'm seeing calls being missed now.

Let me check the number again.

Everyone stand by for a second, please, because I may have run out of credits.

I may need to buy more credits so people can call in.

I know.

I was wondering.

I was going to poke the line because I hadn't heard it ring.

Yeah, they're going straight.

Make sure our subscriber got his credit.

Thank you so much, Walter.

Yeah, they're going straight to front reception right now,

so I got a feeling that I ran out of juice, cold juice.

Let's see what I can do about that.

Okay, that explains it.

Sorry, guys.

Okay, we're refreshing the lot.

Oh, no, I got enough.

I have a balance, so that shouldn't be it.

Don't know why that's happening.

Let

me try it again.

We don't have to reboot, do we?

Please don't say that, because the phone has never dropped yet.

In one hour and 55.

I know, right?

It's a miracle.

It's a holiday miracle.

It's a Christmas miracle.

Let me call you back.

Let me reset the phone extension here, all right?

I'm going to have to do that just a second.

Okay, honey, baby.

All right, see you.

All right.

All right, we'll get him back on the line.

Everyone stand by for a moment, please.

We'll see if I can fix the phone so you can get your calls.

I'll play this prank call.

How about that?

Hey, Chris, right?

Sir, got it.

All right.

Yes, sir.

So you're going to make up your mind or what?

Make up my mind about what?

Is it grits or is it liquor?

It's grits.

So I can go in there and get some grits right now?

You got cheese grits or ham grits or what?

We got them in the pack.

You can buy them and take them home and cook them.

Fuck that shit, man.

I want you to make my grits for me.

We don't make grits.

Then why do you have grits in your first name?

You sell.

Asshole.

Why do you ask so damn many questions?

Because if I'm going to drive down there and not waste my gas,

I'll tell you what, gas is expensive there, old boy.

Sure is.

Yeah, well, it is.

Well, shit, I think it's false advertising you say that the first thing you sell is grits.

I ain't got time to listen to all this booze shit.

What you want?

How do you make grits?

If I go down there and get a pack of grits,

You eat grits, fat boy, or what?

Yeah, I eat grits.

All right.

How am I going to make this?

What, I take this bag of grits and throw it in some water?

How do I do it?

Damn, how do you make them?

You won't do.

You're a fat fucker, aren't you?

No, I ain't fat fucker.

I'm a pretty good fucker.

He's a pretty good fucker, though.

Mm-hmm.

We are reconnecting Milkman now.

Oh, I see what's going on.

You're calling in on the other number.

On my backup number.

You're not calling my direct.

I see what's going on.

Okay.

Maybe.

I don't know.

Okay, so it should be working now, and yeah, it is working.

I just had to restart the software.

Here's a caller.

Let's put him in.

Caller, thanks for joining.

Carlito, what's up, buddy?

Hey, it's Big Matt, the Walk Hillock.

Yeah.

And it's Zach.

Big Zach's the Pax.

Yeah.

I don't have a zippity-zoo name.

Zippity-bop-bop name.

It's so rad we got in.

he was just saying he he was just saying so does carlito see that we're calling in just choose not

to pick up no it's just a busy show it just rings rings rings man yeah it's it's crazy uh you guys

are the host of party time with matt and zacks and milkman's a big fan of that show he's a fan

of matt i know that i don't know he listens to the show man's a good egg yeah how you doing

Hey, what's going on, man?

Oh, you got him back on.

Yeah, yeah.

How you doing, man?

Good to hear you guys.

Digging the show.

Good to hear you guys, man.

Thanks.

Digging the show, man.

Thanks.

Trying, trying to be.

Hey, I hear you might be in town for a meetup potentially this month or next month.

Maybe September 15th.

Maybe.

That'd be so amazing.

It would be.

Yeah, Chicago would be nice.

there's a there's there's a bar right next door to my reefer store that's an arcade bar

oh yes really i think that would be a perfect place like the kind is it the is it the is it

like 20 all you can play kind of kind of i think so i'm gonna go scope it out dude let me tell you

i sent i sent jihad the thing uh it's called the emporium lounge okay i'll send a link emporium

name that was a great torrent tracker back in the day and it's right next to the reaper store

i know all you need is a taco place or a pizza place right by and you're good to go just or hot

dogs oh there might be i don't know i don't you know me i eat my couple pieces of pizza so here's

the story for my birthday we went to one of those all you can play play arcade places uh that weekend

and i know me and you're big fans of the simpsons and the simpsons arcade game i never got to beat

that game uh in my youth i've only beaten it on me all right yeah so yeah okay i actually beat it

on the hardware there you know because all yet all we had to keep doing is keep hitting you know

player start player start so my wife and i yeah yeah she was marge and i was homer of course

because oh nice yeah i know we had oh man yeah dude you know what we couldn't figure out i kept

telling her there's a way that you can team up because i thought like with two characters you

He can, like, throw, like, pick her up or some shit and throw her.

Yeah, or Bart and Lisa will run around going, ah, and all that shit.

But we couldn't figure it out.

I was like, I swear to God, I used to do it with my friend Tommy.

We used to go to Walmart.

I think there was.

Yeah, there was.

We could have figured it out.

We couldn't have figured it out.

But, dude, I beat that game for the first time in my life and on actual hardware.

Now, it would have cost me probably, like, 50 bucks worth of quarters if it would have been real.

But there you go.

So congratulations to me.

yeah i did the one one time i beat smash tv on actual hardware you know how hard that fucking

game is or maybe yeah yeah it's for real it's really hard dual stick it just goes on forever

but i was a great america that's the six flags here and the cabinet was busted and when i would

hit the coin return punch it it would go bingo and i get next oh yeah i would just sit there

doing it like i had a bruised ass hand but i beat this fucking smash tv it was worth it that game

was brutal even on nes and shit it was fucking brutal hard to play that fucking game was hard

yeah because of the controls on the ns you had to use two controllers when you fucking played it

it was really weird dude yeah it didn't translate well to the home market

64 one the like newer smash tv that uses the two stick that one was dope and yeah i like

wait a minute was there there was an n64 smash tv i had no idea yeah it was like a 3d

like robotron 64 i think yeah cool cool man i had no idea yeah i'm a fucking dork dude that's

hey whatever it's cool to be a dork milkman we gotta we gotta get to these job calls you

guys are welcome to join we got a hot list of job calls brother i mean you got quite an

investment there man yeah yeah this is a this is a call so people are gonna say fucking hill

Melak comes in and throws a monkey around to the works and there's no more pranks to

Yeah.

You're drunking up the junk.

Drunking up to get spewing drunken, drunken, drunk juice everywhere.

Molecule the Heckler says NARC was a shit.

Yeah, but that game was like a fucking FBI, that was a fucking FBI recruitment tour.

No, it wasn't.

Yes, it was.

It was sponsored by like the FBI and shit.

Oh, no, they just had a bunch of arcade games.

You said that.

Say no.

I know, but I'm pretty sure NARC was paid for by some shit.

It's like RoboCop 2 type shit.

It's ridiculous.

There's porn clowns steal the prostitutes and shit.

You have reached the voice mailbox.

That would be legitimately.

There was porn clowns in RoboCop 2?

No, in NARC.

In NARC.

The first guy is just a junkie guy.

Then there's a crazy clown that goes,

and just steals the prostitutes off the street.

I remember you killed drug users.

You were like a cop that just murdered people.

They're throwing glowing syringes at you.

They're trying to fuck you up.

The craziness is like the reefer level with the killer hippies.

Oh, my God.

Man, I want to play NARC now.

God damn it.

Hello?

You got a metal worker job?

Hello?

Yes, hi.

We're looking for work.

You got metal working jobs?

Oh, yes.

Yes, did you see the ad on Craigslist?

Yeah.

You can just email us your resume at the given email,

or you can fill out an application here in our office.

All right, well, I'm a recovering drug addict.

Is that a problem?

Let me check with our management, and then I'll give you a call back.

Hi, hi, hi.

Hello?

Hi, my name is Cross.

I'm a recovering drug addict, and I'm interested in a position with your company.

Yes.

Okay.

when can i start hello hey you fucking momo what's wrong with you hello

fucking guy fucking guam fucking stupid snake people they got you don't hear momo a lot

yeah momo you're fucking momo all right what's this one a job in guam for coconut tree climbers

matt come on you gotta climb some coconut trees man okay come on let's do it so we're calling

We're calling Guam right now for jobs.

Yep.

Maybe it can make me not be crippled anymore.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, all you need is your arms to climb.

I can't walk so good, but yeah.

You got strong arms.

Like FDR.

Yeah.

Hello?

Well, whatever.

Our number's frosty.

Let me try to call it back.

I missed your show Monday, but I'm going to listen to it.

Don't worry.

Are you guys uploading your shows

still on time and all that?

I haven't looked.

I don't know.

Oh, hey.

I got you on the line.

I thought that already said

Zach.

It doesn't say Zach

here right now.

It just says

Laugh Track.

I'll fix that.

And I what?

I like lowercase for my name.

Oh, I didn't know.

Because I'm humble.

Okay.

You don't want to...

I don't wear gold.

I only wear silver.

So I'm humble.

Silver, I mean, you look like a Rottweiler if you wear silver, dude.

I don't like silver.

Sorry.

I'm just kidding.

I know.

I'm just saying.

People walking around with silver looking like dogs and shit.

Fuck that.

I don't wear jewelry.

The only jewelry I wear is my wedding ring under protest.

I don't like that jewelry shit.

When I was in high school it was all about the chain

With the cross and all that shit

And then I had

Boxing gloves because I was a fan of Rocky

And I used to

Rocky always had the chain with the little

Boxing gloves on him

I used to have that

You have reached the voicemail box

Start recording at the end

You have reached the voicemail box

You didn't know what was this

You have reached the voicemail box

Reach my ass

Tell that fucking voicemail robot

Stupid broad

run did we skip one uh oh we did apartment complex we skipped thank you milkman administrative

assistant was the one of them too okay wait a minute i'm just skipping him like a dumb

let me see metal worker yeah you're going you're going really fast yeah yeah i've been like crazy

man slow down slow down slow down i'm just yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah vocalize man matt

I love you, brother.

Yeah.

Matt, speaking of, since we've got Milkman on here, what strains have you been hitting

lately here?

What have you been doing?

Are you...

Oh, I just, I just, whatever.

You don't care?

Whatever's in?

No, I just, yeah, their inventory's not very consistent.

I've noticed, so, like, if I get, like, I was all about this Harley-Sue carts for a

minute but then they just stopped having them so i just i kind of go with whatever because i i'm

just a wax guy a wax guy or a live resin um usually so i just i don't even know because

the name is not on there have you tried turbosauce matt have you heard of turbosauce

no i they it's like something like yeah they um it's what's it called though it's like

or in one of them. Let me look

at my Reaver store. It's like

it's more expensive. I

try to go for the cheap, like the

wax is usually the cheapest

because I get it and it's still expensive.

Like, um,

it's a gram. How much?

Yeah. How much for a gram?

It's super, a gram of wax.

Yeah. For how much?

50 bones.

And it's like 70 for like

shatter and shit. Oh, shit. I haven't bought

I haven't bought Medical Shatter yet.

They sold me on this Cresco.

I know, because we can both get Cresco where we live.

They sold me on this new Reserve.

Oh, I know, dude.

8, 10, hell, the worst you ever see is maybe like 20.

I mean, they make $100.

Dude, they're, they're, they're, yeah.

Anywhere between $8 and $20 a gram, dude, is fine.

They're making the money here.

They're just getting you guys.

Yeah.

They're just getting you.

Well, it's not, it's not, and the edibles are, seem to be capped at 100 milligrams.

Really?

So, like, uh, like, uh, yeah, so, like, a package of gummies, hey, hey, hey, so, a package

of gummies, like, 100 milligrams is 30 bones.

Oh, shit.

How crazy is that?

Ah, wow.

Dude, I know.

Like, so, anybody that.

You guys are, baby.

Mm-mm-mm.

Dude, but it's so nice to be able to go.

When they try to semi-legalize it, what that means is they allow all these people to make serious profits.

What?

Take taxes out.

Yeah.

Then they get their government.

Yeah, the government.

Then the government is happy because you're paying, like, fucking more than you've ever fucking seen before.

Yeah.

At least you guys can get edibles.

And our state law doesn't allow edibles at all.

And technically, our dry flour is not for smoking.

and we're only allowed to vaporize it or make or put it in the food.

Hey, Milkman, are you talking about sap?

They have something called sap that looks like some oily shit.

What I'm talking about is, okay, it would be like when you first get the bud, okay,

when it first is picked, they freeze it immediately.

Then they pick and they remove the product.

That's live resin.

It comes out like, it comes out almost like water.

Oh, that's live resin.

That's live resin.

I bet it's the sap shit.

The turf sauce is like, I'm telling you, the turf sauce is so fresh.

It's different than what I've had.

I bet this tap comes in a syringe, and it's just like yellow liquid.

I don't think that's it.

Okay.

I'll tell you what you know for sure.

As soon as you open up, it's got this, it's like so, it's like literally like, it's like an aromatic.

Blah, blah, blah, marijuana.

Bugs are going straight down.

All right, I'll look it up.

The natural smell's in it.

we're doing a call you guys you want to talk drugs call the drug show oh yeah man call the

hello yeah hi we're you have an administrative assistant position uh no no longer is it because

i'm a man no it's no longer available oh please come on i'll do a better job i'll punch you

no i'm gonna punch you punch you okay all right hey do you have pink do you have pink labia

i'm sorry do you have pink labia no i would say i would say like a muted brown if i guessed

a little bit dirty yeah like a gunji gunji kind of gross yeah not pink

bye all right all that for that cool coconut tree climb we're gonna try that coconut tree

like primer again because it's next on the list and i really want to talk to a guy about

climbing coconut trees and throwing mad up in a fucking tree yeah well that administration

administrative assistant there carly yeah that was yeah okay okay thank you thank you sir we're

back on track keep track of them so you don't lose that i don't want to back on track we're

about eight seven to eight minutes away from our show break in the meantime we're going back to

guam here i know the calls haven't been the best but we are trying did i get a squeal i heard a

squeal what was the squeal that was uh i was i was porking your wife okay now there's all

Milkman's got a wife?

No, he doesn't got a wife.

No, seriously, there's audio sounds coming in.

Feeding back.

All right, so that's supposed to be in my book.

I started to worry.

Look, so someone asked me in Facebook about my book.

You're getting feedback right now.

It's like a digital sound.

I'm not.

Or call Ernie directly on your cell phone, 898-0...

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Not that.

No, no, no.

You're just getting it on your phone, Milkman, because I'm not getting it.

Are you on Wi-Fi, Milkman, or what are you...

No, I'm gonna

follow the line.

Follow the rule.

Like that? How's it go?

How's it go?

The man's happening.

It's like a feedback channel.

Oh my god.

Like that?

Lucas Arthur.

Oh, you motherfucker.

You're playing with my fuck.

Lucas Arthur.

It came out so clear

I couldn't tell you fuckers.

i didn't play i just played a chicken right now i was making funny that's all i thought there was

something going on wrong okay sorry i gotta get in on that super chat my my my channel needs to

be monetized dude yeah come on get oh speaking of which hey wait a minute we got super chats

listen guys all right let me get to these real quick did i did i say walter's thing okay yeah

Yeah, I did.

All right, so Barbara Chung has donated $5.

Thank you, Big Barbara.

Barbara?

Barbara Chung.

Thank you, baby.

Thank you.

Yeah, I'm at Barbie.

Barbara says, I'm going to go make chicken and then slap your mama.

That's how good my chicken is.

Love you, Carlini, Machine, Babby.

Thank you, Barbara.

Thank you.

I'm really thank you.

Walter Heimlich Maneuver donated another $5.

Thank you, man.

Whoa.

I think.

and says an an extremely credible source has called my office and told me that carlito's

birth certificate is a fraud wow yeah it probably is uh as far as i know i'm probably

would like to find out about that so we gotta keep that under wraps there and money let's like

change the subject quick let's get off that and roy's roy's roy s just donated two dollar

on the super chat saying you rock Carlito keep up the work the work what do you mean the work

bro I mean thanks for the two dollars are you saying the good work or the bad work keep up the

bad work the good work what come on hey the bad work he's just saying just keep doing what you're

doing keep doing all right you're doing things that's the whole point we're doing tax donate

another two dollars and tell me the good but no I'm kidding don't do that so you don't have to

to do that. No, no, no.

I'm kidding. Thanks everyone for

donating. Thanks everyone

for the support and the love.

God bless you guys.

Get your message there on the YouTube

to be engraved forever in the YouTube

archives. We got a bushcutter

speaking of labia, huh?

A bushcutter. Thanks for people saying

nice things about me. I'm not used to

that. For a change, right?

Yeah.

Remember on your

old videos?

videos and just screaming if they like milkman or me better and all right hateful on either side

yeah milkman dude seriously there was there i i filled up some shade for you this week like

people like someone posted on a subreddit uh i love carlito's the king but he doesn't need a

princess was the title of it hang on let me read it for you milkman this is how people i mean i

appreciate the people you know giving constructive criticism but goddamn milkman he's my buddy i

They can't just kick them off the show because you don't like them.

They can't just do that.

He's fucking Milkman, bro.

Here, let me read this to you, Milkman.

Since you don't have a Reddit machine, I'm sure.

Carlitos...

Carlitos is the best prank caller today.

The shit he thinks up with the get your shit out of your eye.

I don't want to talk about me being great.

He said I'm great.

The music's great.

All right, so Carlito's the best.

However, I guess there's a yin and yang thing because Milkman is the absolute worst.

Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.

And then whoa in all caps with six exclamation points.

Did you know he smokes weed?

Of course you do because that's all he ever talks about every show.

That's when he's not talking over Carlito to a passenger or something.

Or my favorite, extremely loud bong rips directly into the phone as if to be as obnoxious as possible.

also why is a quarter of the show trying to reconnect to this non-contributor holy see that

wow

dude dude just the way whoever

there's more i'm not no no no no i don't want to know that's like such dorky thing

okay look you don't have to love me yeah well all right i'm not gonna i'm not gonna

The point is that I'm here and that I'm not going anywhere and that I've always been a part of the show.

You don't even know my contributions.

It's quite okay.

I love you anyway.

Thanks for writing in, guys.

Thank you.

All right, so look, someone, here's a new, I didn't read this yet.

Someone about 28 minutes ago defended you saying, yo, Milkman is the Flava Flava of the show.

Come on, man.

He's a black guy.

He's the hot man.

Carlito is the Chuck D.

D, that's really not nice to be asking Carlito to dump him.

Milkman has feelings, too.

Aw.

You need to apologize to him, Stat.

So, yeah, dude.

There you go.

So you got your supporters, too.

A sidekick is nice.

Say what?

What is a nice?

I'm sorry.

A sidekick is nice, just like I am.

Yeah, of course.

I need a foil.

Milkman's my bro, man.

I'm not going to do this show.

I made the comment in there, sorry, we're a package deal.

That's how it is.

I think most people prefer

they don't realize how hard it is

that you make it look so easy

and the whole point is

I help contribute to make it look easy

for the Armana

this is a fucking hard job

ask Matt, ask Zach

any of these fuckers that got to play with the board

juggle calls, read your stupid ass text

hear all your criticism

take your positive ideas

still try to think of it, get it on the air

the stream just fucking died, now you got that one

You see, so you guys need to realize that people need this help in the background to keep things going

because it's not easy going to a one-man fucking show.

So chill out, you guys.

You guys need support.

I hear you.

Well, I mean, Zax helps out, Matt.

You know, Matt.

That's what I'm saying, man.

You know how.

That's what we do.

Package deal.

Zax does everything.

Zax is party time.

I just chill out.

Matt's along for the ride.

And then the powers that be

Keep Zax's name off of the iTunes

That's fucked up

I'm here calling him out right now

Come on man

Come on guy, whoever you are

I'll fix it

I'll get to it, I'm sorry

Listen, real quick

We're going to do one last call before I take a break

Axma donated $5 to the stupid chat

Since Lolita has

Made Milky Goo

In his trousers during the show

I sure did

did milky goo in the chat by the way he says milky goo be sure to go to discord.gg slash pranks

and type in milky goo to get a free premium membership uh matt had a had a comment or a

question go ahead matt you have the floor oh i was just saying yeah i think we'll get off during

the break and open the line to other people all right that way i don't have to pay money to keep

you on like mr toll freak line here you know i gotta pee so bad let's do a call

Is it work?

Do you have a partytimeshow.com?

It just forwards.

That's right.

It forwards to the, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It just forwards.

Nice.

And that's fine.

It forwards to the prime colonization.

Nice.

Let's call a store here so that we get a guaranteed pickup.

No offense to park mans, but we got to do it.

We got to do it this way.

All right.

All right, so I'm going to concentrate.

We're going to call an IHOP here, and we're going to have a silly, goofy call now, right, guys?

We're going to have fun.

We're about meeting guys and girls tonight on the show.

Get some piss jugs.

Yeah, some piss jugs.

You guys join in.

I've got the one big piss jug.

And you know he's peeing.

Your face is showing.

You can just, yeah, yeah.

Well, you're not a cripple.

just say you're you're going to the pizzer and still just sit there yeah and put on the screen

um but yeah i got you i got you hang on let me uh i'm feeling good i was like

standing almost normal yesterday see that facebook video did not did not i can't

yeah dude seriously every single until yesterday afternoon every single stream moment i had was

I was working on this phone system problem.

Okay.

Yeah.

But I learned a lot, and I think maybe I got it to the point where we can do that Raspberry Pi thing and maybe send it to you.

And then you guys can be all about change the caller ID and the cheaper calls.

That would be amazing.

Yeah, because the fucking 14 phones are spent every month for a while.

Hello.

We're still living in the last decade.

You know, we're one decade behind.

Yeah.

We need to make some orders for food.

Do you handle that?

Yes.

Okay.

We would like to make orders.

Please.

Thank you.

What would you like?

Should I make an order?

You make your order.

No, I don't.

I've got to piss.

I'm going to put Matty on.

He's in the order.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah.

He's got to hit the can right quick.

He's a diabetic, so he has to use the laboratory a lot.

You know what I'm talking about, lady?

So what's on special today?

You don't have any specials.

I guess you could have some specials, first of all.

Um, okay, what would you recommend?

You're getting all attitude-y.

Vegetarian! Vegetarian!

What do you got for the Englishman?

The vegetarian option?

What vegetarian options do you have for my Englishman friend?

Veggie burger.

Do you have bread?

He's not a Englishman.

Do you have potatoes?

Do you have bread?

Hello?

Yes, hello.

Do you have potatoes?

Do you have bread?

I hear three people talking at once.

An echo?

Yes, yes.

Oh, we're all in the line together.

I'm sorry, man.

We're coming in from the office.

We're all going to be eating there, so we got different concerns.

Okay.

So, here's my English associate.

So, you said you had potatoes, and do you also have bread?

Yes, we do.

Ooh, I'd love a chip sandwich, please.

How much for a chip sandwich?

It's a chip sandwich.

It's what they call French fries.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like steak fries.

Okay.

You want French fries and bread?

Yeah, could you make them up a French fries sandwich?

Sure.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, like, normally, like, Indian takeaways, they get very angry if you want, like, your chips inside bread.

But you've been very nice.

It sounds tasty.

And, Milkman, what do you want to eat?

Oh, wait, we got bread options, even.

Oh, you should have seen his eyes, lady.

He just, they about popped out of his head like an old racist cartoon.

I have to put you on hold.

I'll be right back.

We're very hungry.

Please be quick.

We're very hungry.

Our bellies are rumbling.

bullying so yeah i had one of those it's butter french fries and and toast right isn't that a

butter chippy isn't that what you guys call it too or is that it doesn't have to be the brood

witch i didn't eat the sun-dried tomatoes those are garbage yeah i won this one new year's i

hooked up uh with this one british chick who was visiting orlando uh on her own and she made one

of those for me it was really nice because i spent the night there and i fucked her it makes you it

It just seems like it's such an odd little, like, poor country that they're eating French fries.

Well, it's like they had it rough through the world.

Hello?

Yes, we're ready.

Can I get an order from you, please?

Okay, so did you get our boss's butter chippy, the chip sandwich, French fries?

Chip buddy, please.

Chip buddy?

I want fries on white wheat rice sourdough.

Probably white.

He's British.

They don't get fancy.

Yeah, white, white bread.

yeah why you're here on vacation well a business vacation but still you might could try a sourdough

or something you could so what were the options again ma'am white wheat rice sourdough wow you

hear that four kinds of bread here i'll go with the last one the the most recent one the fourth

one yeah okay i don't know what it is that's why i'm choosing it i don't know what sourdough is

Because you get a starter, it's alive.

You keep a live yeast, and you keep a starter of it in your refrigerator,

and then when you make the sourdough, you put it in there.

It's called the mother loaf.

Motherfucker, yeah.

It's always alive, yeah.

Okay, so you guys got those burgers?

This is my turn now for my order.

You guys have burgers, right?

Yeah.

Yes, we do.

Okay, do I get to specify the level of doneness I like?

No, they're all well done.

Oh, come on.

I'm serious.

Well, I need a little pink in there.

It's not going to happen here.

Oh, come on.

Come on.

What do I got to do to make this happen?

It's not going to happen.

It's company policy.

Well, I don't recognize your policy.

Burger, it's going to be well done.

I mean, can I talk to a man that can make this decision?

Sorry?

Can I talk to a man who can make this decision?

Excuse me?

Can I talk to a man who can make this decision?

What does gender have to do with it?

well it's company policy you are more designed to be in the kitchen and the men make the decisions

that's why it's called manager man man she's gone she's not not one manager we'll call her i'm gonna

call her back after we take our break i really i gotta go guys i'm 10 minutes past break all right

thanks for being on zax and matt your next show will probably be on a monday maybe a tuesday

it depends on if Zach wakes up and answers

Matt's messages

and if Matt is having a good day

that day with his conditions

and all that, right? Isn't that how it goes

usually? Yeah, yeah, pretty much

yeah

but we'll know by the

end when we're doing it

Matt, thank you very much sir

and Zach

Matt's pooing right now

oh, okay

he's got his trousers around his ankles

Willie's dangling

it's quite a sight

All right, see you, Zax, then.

Take it easy, buddy.

Bye, Carlito.

Bye, MoFan.

Bye, guys.

Those guys, those guys, the party time machine guys.

All right, we're going to take that break.

When we come back, we've got more calls.

We've got several restaurants here.

We've got more jobs in Guam.

And I believe we have some British numbers floating around.

We've got an ethics hotline for an insurance company.

Those are really hard to get through to, but I'll give it a shot.

I'll give it the goddamn shot, all right?

All right, Milkman, you hang in there, buddy.

We're doing good so far with the phone line.

Speaking of which, everyone, be sure to hold your calls until the break is over.

There's no sense in calling right now, all right?

Well, we'll be back.

MadHouseLive.com in the meantime.

We'll be right back.

Thank you.

Take your pick.

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Shadow of the West and the ultimate mystician.

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So when you die, you open a tractor at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight down.

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Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

Take the bass line out.

Uh-huh.

For dropping some of the hottest cars New York has ever seen.

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All right, and we're back, everybody.

Thank you for hanging in there during the break.

We appreciate it.

We don't have much time left

I have to end

I have to end at the top of the hour

So

So you know what I'm talking about

You know what's going on here guys

We got a precious little time left

Trying to bait Homer on camera

Get over there you fucking dog

Alright

Back to the calls

We go

I think we had one more number left

which was that ethics hotline, Cigna Health Insurance.

We got some more donations I need to give shots out for.

You can head over to madhouselive.com in the meantime.

If you'd like to make a one-time donation, madhouselive.com slash donate.

That's where you can do that.

Hello, caller.

Thanks for calling.

You're on the call.

Hi, good evening, Carlito.

Hi, good evening.

How are you?

Thank you for calling.

You make fun of my voice every time I call in.

I'm self-conscious.

Oh, don't.

Don't be self-conscious, all right.

You've called in before.

Who is this?

Oh, my name's Moses.

Big Moses, yes, with the stick.

Moses!

Are you okay?

Hey, how's it going, Mark?

...established for you to report concerns of possible violations of Cigna's Code of Ethics

or the law, or ask questions you may have about compliance to the code.

This service is provided by Global Compliance on behalf of Cigna.

Your confidence and information on remaining anonymous.

Thank you.

Your call will be answered by the next available communication specialist.

Hopefully there's not long of a wait here.

here your call may be monitored for training quality assurance and other purposes moses how

was your week man experiencing high call volume good i just got back from vacation please hang

up and call your local they got high call though what on earth is that you're calling i'm sorry

where'd you get back from you get back from what oh vacation i just got back yesterday oh cool

well welcome but holy shit homer god damn this dog farted good god oh my god these like they

They told me Basset Hounds were Gassy Milkman and Moses.

And, yeah, they fucking are.

This guy fucking right now.

Oh, you have a Basset Hound.

Yeah, we got a little Basset Hound.

He's about 13 months old right now.

He's still a puppy.

He's still in puppy mode.

He hasn't hit that brick wall yet where he just becomes fat and lazy.

He's still quite a sport.

Did he look like Lady Bird from King of the Hill?

No.

That wasn't a Basset, though, wasn't it?

No, no, actually, no, I don't remember anymore.

I don't think it was a...

No, it wasn't a Batsy Hound.

It was a Hound Dog, though.

I don't remember what.

It looked like a Coon Hound or something.

I don't know.

Milkman?

It had the word Hound in it.

Yeah.

Milkman, are you here?

You there, buddy?

Hey, Milkman.

Yeah, I'm talking on mute.

I've been talking on mute.

Oh, well, you're here now.

Nice, nice.

Yeah, Black and Tan is a Coon Hound.

Okay.

All right.

Barbara Chungus donated $2 and said Carlini, Maschini, Peppercini, Linguini, Vince's Laptop.

Laptop?

Vince's Laptop.

All right, cool.

We got another donation from Roy S., Roy Smith, for $1.

Thank you, Roy.

And then MajorTonight is also donating $2.

It's been a good night.

Yeah, what's up?

Despite the fact the show hasn't been that good.

Your outro music is really excellent, but it loops too frequently.

Would you consider changing that so it's a little bit longer

or have somebody kind of tweak it for you?

Which outro?

Yeah, it's a really gentle piano-sounding music

that you play whenever Milkman is wrapping up the show.

Oh, that? Yeah, well, that's the thing.

That's the length of that.

That's the absolute length of that audio, is just that.

I'm sure I could find a generic kind of similar tune out there,

you know, but that's all I got to go with.

If you send it to me, I could edit it, man,

make it as long as you want, and you can edit it, you know?

Well, yeah, I know, but it's just...

yeah it's not a long i i can't i was thinking i could use the jefferson's uh outro theme i

can do that tonight uh i don't know i could talk about the funky bells no no it's a different one

i don't think you know we should be playing funky bells yeah that's right it has a funky

times right that's the one that's the old school one we used to play a lot funky chimes yeah that's

the old school one man that's the one i remember really good yeah that was the end theme to the

the sesame street in the 80s time to go yeah dude and it's here's here's another thing i want to

bring up since we're talking about sesame street the muppets uh i don't think i don't the mob i

mean all right so they had a few good movies there in the 80s but before that like the muppet show

was good but other than that all right you got a really bad echo coming back it's starting to get

worse now uh uh moses like are you oh really if i could turn down the volume yeah you gotta turn

that down is that better oh yeah it's i think so yes i can still hear it though yeah it's bearable

now it's bearable now okay but anyway the muppets the muppet show was good after that they tried to

revive it like muppets tonight and there was that other one a couple years ago it's this never

worked out ever since jim henson's tonight was very strange because they tried to throw in some

obviously adult jokes inside of it that never really fit in with the theme of the muppets

like whenever Pamela Anderson came on

I didn't watch one episode of that

there was one of them

there was a 90's one

and there was another one like 4 or 3

4 years ago which one Muppets Tonight was the

90's one am I correct there that was on ABC

ok and then there was another one that came

out even later

I never saw it

I saw that one

it was really bizarre there was a joke where

Pamela Anderson came on and

it wasn't Fozzie but it was somebody similar

in shape and size and sound

that had a...

Oh, no, it was that bear.

He had a crush on Pamela Anderson

and somebody was speaking into his ear

and he made some kind of joke.

He's like, oh, I really love your balloons or something,

which was talking about her breath,

but he really was holding out for her.

But it was weird because it's the Muppet.

Was it Ralph the Dog?

I wonder if it was Ralph the Dog.

He probably...

No, I'm pretty sure it was that bear

that does the news or something.

Oh, okay.

Here's another point.

Some non-character.

here's another thing i was thinking about is ralph the dog uh is he is he black is he supposed to be

a black dude i think he is right like he plays the piano and he kind of talks like a black kid

and he kind of like yeah yeah i think it should be african-american i think i think that's what

they were trying i think he's the first black muppet i don't know even kermit's yeah the only

kermits in real life that i know are black people so i know two and they were both black but i'm

I'm just saying.

And what about Fozzie?

No, Fozzie's not black.

Fozzie's just a goofy white guy.

I think.

He's Bill Murray.

Bill Murray, yeah.

Bill Murray.

There you go.

We got to do more calls.

Grover, man.

Grover doesn't have to be a brother, though.

Grover would be a brother.

No, Grover's a weirdo.

He's just a weird white guy.

He's a brother, man.

Look at him, man.

He's purple, brother.

He's a brother.

He likes them chickens, too.

He likes to have the chickens all around him.

What was up with that?

Grover was always...

Are we talking Grover?

Are we talking the right guy right now?

Gonzo.

gonzo gonzo gonzo pretty cool yeah i know okay so gonzo was always like awesome milkman gonzo

always had he was like a pimp with and and like the the chickens were like his hose always around

him and shit he was he was like straight up pimp yeah so those are the good movies

snorkel snuffle up against the big old like like elephant thing yeah but that was sesame street

Street, right? That's Sesame Street.

That was Sesame Street, yeah.

There was very little crossover from

Sesame Street to the Muppets. Just Kermit

and maybe a couple of others.

Kermit, yeah, because like Big Bird

were all Sesame Street.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They didn't even give

Fozzie a chance on Sesame Street.

Okay, listen, we've got to get to calls here. We're going to call

another IHOP. I

think this is a different one than the one I called

earlier. I think here.

I think. Bye, Homer. Homer's

leaving. Thank you for calling Chelsea.

Yeah, we'd like to make orders.

Uh, well, we want to pick it up.

Yeah, some food.

My name's Cross.

Cross, Cross.

C-R-O-S-S.

You got them burgers now?

Yeah, I want some pink in it, you know what I mean?

I want some pink.

Like, uh, alright.

Do you, do I get my choice of how I want them done?

no they come medium well okay well i i want large large you want a large yeah i don't want it medium

i want it large all right it's gonna come large but it's gonna be cooked medium well well i see

i'm i'm i'm hungry i don't want any medium well i want the large the large size one okay there's

only one size then why are you saying medium why would you just call it regular or something

i guess that's how they cook it medium rare you guess okay is there a man i can talk to

I sure can.

Hurry up, honey, and go back to making food, okay, in the kitchen where you belong.

Darling.

Medium size.

Well, thank you for calling.

Oh, is there an American man I can talk to?

Is there an American man I can talk to?

Yes, what do you need?

Okay, I hear an accent.

Listen, I'm trying to order food, and you let one of the kitchen staff answer the phone,

and she doesn't know what she's talking about, obviously.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what happened?

It's because I don't know if it's your phone or my phone, but I can hear you very well.

You can't?

Okay, maybe you're stupid, you know?

Whatever.

Fuck that guy.

I thought he couldn't hear me.

You're destined to be a manager.

I thought he couldn't fucking hear me.

And all of a sudden, he can hear just fine.

Carlito?

Yeah, what's up?

I was wondering, you and Maddie were talking about how much of a dork you guys were, but

do you guys like watching anime, too?

do uh i mean i've i've watched anime like here and there like in the late night early to late

night mid to late 90s haven't really been super into it though no um no why well but though i

may know or i may be interested what's going on well um i'm not sure i i stream off of uh nine

anime it's just a website and there's a series that you might like called uh baki okay and it's

it's absolutely brutal like uh the reason why i brought it up is because um when matt said that

you're a fan of the simpsons i knew you'd get the reference about how there was a limited edition of

fallout boy where he didn't follow boy got i'm sorry limited edition of radioactive man where

they got killed on every single page okay that's kind of like how baki is like these guys get

like slaughtered they get like fingers jabbed right into the ear hit the brain break their legs

and then like the next uh the next episode they come back with like a like an eye patch or a um

or just like a sling for a broken bone, and nothing happened.

They should have been killed.

Yeah, but they at least acknowledge it, right?

That there was some injury, I guess.

So, okay.

This is a comedy manga?

No, no, it's a fighting anime, but it's really brutal.

Like, there's lots of blood and violence and stuff like that.

So I don't know if you're into that.

Let me ask you if you know, all right, so, like, last week I was binging,

and I stopped, and I didn't go back to it because I was working on the phone shit,

but there's this boxing anime what's the guy's name ipo ipo yeah ipo like number one right yeah

fantastic dude the whole series is great yes it's great i love that show uh show what show yeah i

love that anime it's a great anime i i'm super excited i should have suggested that first because

that's probably the best sports anime ever made is it yeah or yeah yeah i was watching on my

cody stick and i was like holy shit this is cool i gotta go back to that that's this weekend i

write that down i got a three-day weekend uh i may do a show monday because uh i got the day

off of work maybe i'll do a monday show i don't know who's saying maybe two or three so you want

to watch them all yeah okay hey yeah what's up milkman what's going on buddy take a look at your

email there's something come in there man good information you might want to check the premise

okay all right let me have a look here this is from okay i see this is parkman all new numbers

okay donald trump i want to check the premise there yeah okay don't read it don't read it just

go okay gotcha gotcha gotcha gotcha no no i'm saying i'll check the premise there don't read

it out loud all right i got you i got you i'm not don't spoil it you're saying don't spoil it

all right cool hey i like that idea let's do it okay cool all right so we're gonna call uh

we're gonna call uh we're gonna call this we're gonna go make some calls you stay on the line

there caller caller i've got really bad short-term marijuana memory are you did you tell us who you

moses thank you to place your to-go order please visit us online yeah for faster service press one

to have an online ordering link sent to your phone no what's that called yucking it up please press

two to have it sent to your it's like a 90s radio commercial terrible jesus go online hgtp

Hello

AOL keyword

Logan's Roadhouse

Hello

Stupid

Because I'm making fun

Of their commercial

Or their fucking ad

Boy I ain't calling

That place back

I ruined the premise

Alright here's a different

Restaurant

We're going to call

A restaurant

Yes I love restaurants

I'm going to be eating

I love calories

If you like the family

Just call

Dial 2

If you think it's

Really shitty

Dial

Dial your dick

You got a great

Voice milkman

Yeah

Thanks man

You got a good

Voice too by the way

Hello, how can I help you?

Yes, hello, my name is Agent Cross, I'm on the line with Agent Lopez.

Hi.

Yes.

Okay, I don't know if you understand that President Trump is visiting Evansville right now.

Yes, sir.

All right, he's going to be coming in for an appearance.

Okay.

Okay, at the...

Do you mind if I let you speak to my manager?

All right, yes, please hurry.

That's a good idea.

I'll be back in just one moment.

Thank you.

It's good to be working together again.

This fucking music's going to flag us.

I'm going to lose my money.

Sorry it's so loud, guys, but if it gets out.

Trump won't like this.

Taking too long.

God damn it.

I'll call a different one in the meantime.

That was one of the most obnoxious hold.

How can I be of service to you?

To place a to-go order, press 1.

For catering, press 2.

For direction.

Hello?

Still.

Thank you for calling Red Robin of Evansville, home of the gourmet Barney and Brews.

This is Alicia.

How can I help you today?

Yes, this is Agent Cross.

I'm on the line with Agent Lopez.

Ma'am.

Hello?

Yes, hi, we're with the advance team for Secret Service.

President Trump would like to visit this restaurant at the conclusion of his event tonight.

This will be in there possibly in 92 minutes.

Give me one second.

I'll go put you on the phone with my manager.

You need to be quick.

Let's go.

Okay.

Hello?

Sir?

Okay, still.

That restaurant's freaking out.

Geez.

No one's been cooperating today with the phones.

Hello?

Michael, I'm up.

Yes, hi, Michael.

This is Agent Cross.

cross i'm on the line with agent lopez we're with the advanced team president trump is

wanting to come in to this restaurant for a after his event okay uh what time does that end

uh that ends in it's scheduled to end in 32 minutes he'd be arriving via vehicle

uh we can have the fleet there in approximately 64 minutes uh 64 minutes from now yes uh yeah

that would okay i'm trying to think of the time on 8 40 that would be 9 40 yeah that should put

but he may in about 15 minutes foreclose.

So, yeah, we can...

Okay, we'd like to give you his order ahead of time.

First of all, we want to make sure that no one looks at him in the eye.

Say that again?

No one look...

Please, we need no one to look at him in his eye.

Look at him at eye level, please.

They have to address him as Mr. President

and not look at his eyes.

He doesn't like that.

He also does not like to be asked for photo opportunities,

and he doesn't like the back of his neck touched.

He doesn't like his neck...

Let me write this down.

All right.

Smart.

mark all right uh i'm just getting a little bit more privacy here yes please okay so uh you say

no looking and uh don't look in the eyes refer to him as mr president mr president and no asking

for photo opportunities he will be the one to offer and photos yeah and please do not touch

him in the back of the neck he does not like that at all okay all right no uh no touching period i

mean yeah we wouldn't touch him yet so no touching all right understandably no knives we can have no

No knives on any of the tables in the restaurant during his visit?

That includes butter knives or table knives?

With my other guests that are already sitting down eating.

That's correct.

Just to clear a perimeter around the president.

In the perimeter around the president, we could just set him up into the back corner there.

I can make sure there's no tables around.

Okay.

All right.

And waitstaff, what are you looking at?

What about on his table?

No, we provide him with his silverware.

You won't need that.

With your silverware and everything.

Yeah, we have.

What about cups?

Will you provide that, or do we need it?

Well, okay, the cups is a different thing.

It needs to be paper cups only, so your to-go cups are fine if you have those.

Okay.

Keep in mind, Agent Lopez is the assigned tester today, so he'll be back in the kitchen.

He needs to watch the food be prepared.

He's going to be, after it's plated, he will be testing it with a kit and also consuming it.

Okay.

All right.

That's no problem, is it, sir?

Do you need anybody in the kitchen while they're cooking to watch, correct?

We want to be as least disruptive as possible, so it's just going to be Agent Lopez they're watching.

And now he has some considerations himself.

He has a medical condition.

Agent Lopez, are you going to let him know what you can test and not?

Okay.

Sir, anything that is over 27 degrees Celsius is not consumable by myself,

So I need you to get a meat thermometer.

Yeah, I'm writing it down.

What's the conversion to Fahrenheit on that?

Okay,

that's a good question. It's just under 68 degrees Fahrenheit. I happen to have the calculator right here.

You asked at a good time.

Nothing over 68 degrees?

Well, for me. But once I test it, you can heat it up again and give it to the president.

Yeah, you can throw it right in the microwave at that point.

We don't care.

Okay, so it needs to get down below 68 degrees and then warmed up over top of that?

Yes.

Yes, exactly.

You know the best way to work your microwave, sir.

I'm just telling you what is okay with me.

I don't want the president to get poisoned.

I have my very specific ways of testing each individual piece.

Do you understand?

Okay.

Okay, good.

Sir, do you have that written down?

We have to hold it.

Now, how many people would be dining with him?

Him, the governor, will be there with him.

And there's two candidates for a senator who are going to be dining with him.

And that's it.

No one else is going to be eating.

Do you have females on your waitstaff that can assist?

Do I have a what?

Do you have females on your waitstaff available who can take care of the table?

We want two of them.

Okay.

Do you have any African-American?

Yes, we do.

Okay, we would like her just to stand there with a pitcher of ice-cold water at all times.

Smart.

The president loves his ice-cold water.

Agent, I have a question.

Cold water, but I don't know if that other person will be here still, actually.

I believe she's leaving.

Oh, shoot.

Okay.

Agent, I have a very important question.

Go ahead.

Agent Lopez, please.

Sir, how much of that paper did you commit to memory?

How much do I have in front of me that's committed to memory?

Yes.

For the most part, everything.

That is wonderful news.

You can eat that piece of paper.

I'm not joking, sir.

Yeah, which member of your waitstaff has the biggest bosoms?

That's who we want to be serving the president.

Who?

That's who?

I have no clue.

Who has the prettiest labia?

All right, that's good.

You gentlemen have a great night.

Okay.

All right, labia.

Minora and Majora.

Majora.

The president prefers a labia Majora.

He's a Majora guy.

Bigly Majora.

The labia Bigly.

He just hung up.

I don't know how long.

I'm sorry, Carlito.

No, that's fine.

We had to end it at some point before you really thought the president and the governor were coming in for a fucking meal.

That was ridiculous.

I was trying to tell you that message.

What were you trying to tell me?

Change your agency.

Don't use that agency.

I was going to say be senators or something like that from another state, right?

Don't use that agency.

Don't use Secret Service, you're thinking?

You think we can get into the trouble?

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

I would advise that again, in my opinion.

Okay.

All right.

True, because, you know, that's...

But if you're senators from Alaska, who the fuck gives a shit, right?

Yeah, fucking Alaska, right?

Anyway.

Well, yeah, congressmen, congressmen, because there's, what, 500?

There's only, what, 100 senators.

There's 500 congressmen.

Yeah.

You can be congressman Valente.

Gross.

Fairbanks, Alaska.

No, I don't care.

Am I going to get arrested?

No, you're fine.

I'll take the heat

he thought it was one of his friends doing it

it's okay don't worry about it

but I will let you go Moses

because we got precious little time

and I want to get at least one more prank in

thank you very much

likewise talk to you soon

peace out Moses

tell old Pharaoh

let my people go

or am I confusing Moses and Noah

Noah was the flood

Moses was the Jews

so I'm right Moses had a fucking stick

but I thought that guy was Noah

He was the one that founded the little boat

and was raised to be a pharaoh.

But he was actually a little baby.

Oh, shit.

All right, here's the last caller of the night.

Don't screw it up,

because we've got to play our obituary as usual

and all that shit.

Caller, you're on the air, motherfucker.

Hey, what's up, Carlini?

It's Barbara Chungus.

How the hell are you?

Hey, good.

Thanks for the donations.

What's up there, Barbara?

Why Barbara?

That's a girl.

Definitely, man.

That's a girl.

I'm a long-time caller, first-time listener.

Listener, hell, I never even got through to call, so I guess I got to listen to the show now.

How are you doing?

Yeah, I'm pretty good.

Just chilling, you know, doing calls and such.

It hasn't been that good of a call content thing, but it's been a fun show.

Oh, no worries.

What the hell do we got on the menu next?

Texas Roadhouse.

You can throw your peanuts on the floor here.

Okay.

It's loud.

Oof-a.

reached the takeout desk your call will be answered in the order it was received

we're waiting for the texas roadhouse to pick up this will probably be the last prank of the night

legendary food and legendary service shit which location this is in uh indiana evansville where

the president is right now echo stop experience by purchasing gift cards for your friends

they're perfect for special occasions and a great way to say thank you ah fuck it all right here's

a Cracker Barrel then. Cracker Barrel.

Ever been to a Cracker Barrel? I have. I love them.

They got a fireplace in there.

They got good old-fashioned food.

They got country fried steak there.

It's pretty good.

Yeah.

And their sausage and biscuits are...

Their sausage, gravy, and biscuits are really good.

I had it. Last week we had

Cracker Barrel. I picked it up.

Peanut Dina.

Nope.

lobby yeah they got a store it's like right yeah well that's remember i told you last week that i

had seen grape knee high that's where i saw it oh okay yeah okay yeah they had the opener bottle

opener yeah they got a whole soda wall like classic soda wall uh whatever it's called

micro brew hi thanks for calling cracker ball this is kaylin how can i help you yeah kaylin

Lynn. Hello. Hi. How can I help you? You guys take down reservations, right? We do not. We're

actually just first serve, first come, although we're not busy at all right now. So if you have

a large group, we can certainly get you in real quick. For like the large group of white people,

right? This is Cracker Barrel? Yes. Okay. Fantastic. Now, on a first come, first serve basis,

what about the Orientals? For which thing? Sorry. On the first come, first serve basis,

that doesn't apply to the orientals right oh it's not a priority now at the moment just come on in

we'll get you seated yeah all right great uh what about the urbans um there too yeah uh the urbans

doesn't it doesn't apply to them the first come first serve basis or is that just the orientals

no none of that it just it's all good we're not busy at all so it's anybody can just come in we'll

get seated wait wait a minute what about the what about the labia the labia it's all good either

either way we're not busy at all so it's fine but like say you know my like family of crackers comes

in but like there's a group of uh orientals who gets the first come first serve basis the crackers

right well the person that came in first like let's say we're on a wait we would have people's

names lined up and depending on the group size then that'd be it but since we're not busy at all

you would just automatically come right in and we'd get you seated right away well i don't think this

This aligns with Cracker Barrel's mission statement.

You said it's a first-come, first-served basis for the Crackers.

I'm kind of wise.

Can I speak to a manager?

This is not working out.

I need to speak to a manager.

Okay, sure.

Thank you.

No problem.

Okay, sure.

Jesus.

This is a lady.

I had to jump in there because she's not...

You could say anything to her at that point.

She's just taking it all in.

Jamie, how can I help you?

Who's this?

Jamie.

Jamie, how you doing?

This is Barb.

Listen, I was talking to a nice lady on the phone.

I asked her if you guys took any reservations.

And fortunately, she said it was a first-come, first-served.

And, I mean, we're a big old group of crackers coming in.

And I was asking her about the Orientals and the Urbans, and she said, yeah, you know, they can come in.

But from my understanding of Cracker Barrel's mission statement, it's to, you know, first-come, first-served for the crackers.

Come for a guess.

All right, so, like, if my family of eight comes in, you know, a bunch of little crackers walking around,

and another group of Orientals comes in, I mean, you know, if it's a tie, who's it going to?

Who's it going to?

Sir?

He hung up.

I think he heard you laugh, and I think he understood.

That girl was like, yeah, sure, yeah, it's all good.

Yeah, that's great.

What about the labia?

Yeah, we're good on that, too.

We can be a labia.

All right, well, thanks for calling in.

I'm going to wrap it up.

I appreciate your time and your contributions tonight.

Appreciate it.

All right, brother.

Have a good one.

Take care.

All right, the lines are now closed.

Do not call.

Who was that?

I didn't catch you.

That was the man with the woman's name who's been doing donations tonight.

I'm really bad with short-term memory, dude.

I got to get my – I might be autistic.

No, no, no.

I know the name.

I know.

Let me think.

Let me think here.

i got it uh so i think uh okay come on come on that just brings up that barbara barbara

chungus that's what it is barbara barbara chungus yeah you know who you are when you're calling

thank you well he did he did i just forget you know they say it and i forgot okay you know i

didn't get you all right yeah yeah all right so real quick uh some last donation shout outs to

everyone catastrophe said choo-choo donated to two dollars thank you big cat cat's the host of

movie night every saturday night after the dwight mcclanahan show that'll be uh this weekend well

uh we gotta yeah i'm gonna try to get as many as i can uh we also got a shout out to a monday show

for job calls from from the heimlich maneuver for five dollar five dollar donation geez thanks

heimlich and an additional two dollar donation saying cracker barrel eakers crackers first deal

Deal with it.

Cool.

Nice.

Good work, everyone.

Thank you so much for your support this week.

Thank you.

I mean, the show wasn't even that good, in my opinion, and you guys supported more than usual.

That's great.

You guys are awesome.

All right, let's get to some quick voicemails here.

I'm going to try to play as many as I can.

The rest might have to wait until next week or maybe until Monday is what I'll end up doing.

Let me see.

Oh, yeah, there's a whole bunch of voicemail.

You say we might do some on Monday?

Perhaps.

Mayhaps.

Yes.

Yes, mayhaps.

All right, well, let's get together and talk about the timing after the show.

Sure, sure, we can do that.

Let's play this voicemail.

Voicemail time.

Yeah, let's play the voicemail.

Let's play the voicemail.

Obituary guy in there?

Here's, yes, this should be obituary guy right here.

If it would play, it would be great.

Come on, come on, computers.

Give me a second.

Hang on.

I'm going to get in trouble for going on too late tonight on the show machine.

machine all right i'll have to go back to obituary guy while that thing loads thank you google thank

you for that uh let's play from the bottom up here's the first voice man i fuck you son of a

bitch all right that was from last week actually hang on hang on here we go here we go hi yeah i

fucking called up here for like clean towels like an hour ago you guys still have my room

room this is room 216 okay front desk get my fucking towels up here damn it i'm fucking pissed

i shit all over the floor how am i supposed to clean this up the fuck guys the fuck man i'm

giving you guys a one star rating fuck this one star rating come on man you gotta give us a break

we'll get the towels up there that's that's uh that was a couple shows ago that was a couple

shows ago i couldn't even hear him you couldn't hear him how can you not hear him that was a guy

he said you fucking called him up here for clean towels he called for the clean towels milkman

Man, remember we did that a couple weeks ago?

Remember the funny, we laughed and laughed about the clean towels?

You remember that?

No?

No, I missed what he said.

I didn't hear what he said.

You didn't hear anything at all?

You're saying you didn't hear anything?

You didn't hear it at all?

No?

Yeah, I didn't hear it.

Oh, all right, whatever.

Here, listen.

Hey, this is the original only, the original only one.

Milkman, if you don't return my horse soon,

I'm going to have to call the authorities on you.

I need the master to bake my horse.

yeah milkman you gotta you don't do a good job masturbating the horse you know this guy

has to masturbate the horse so well how the horse has got shoes on good yeah and he's got

calluses on his calluses right isn't that what it was right you know if you got shoes on how

you're supposed to how you're supposed to grab a hold of anything right yeah well here's another

another voicemail from airhead oh diarrhea nice that's audio of milkman being born nice

no hey what's up it's airhead just uh give me a call just telling you to keep up the good work

uh loving the show been loving it for the past what 10 12 years i don't have fucking vinyl

something like that yeah uh but yeah this is airhead of the uh back alley pranks uh show on

I'm the Mixler.

How you doing?

Oh.

Yeah, just as before, just calling to let you know I'm loving what you're doing.

Keep it up, Carlito.

And Milky Man, shut up.

Yeah.

We're not on the calls anymore, asshole.

Yeah, asshole.

J.J.K.

Love you, Milkman.

Love you, Carlito.

Bye.

Love you.

Bye.

All right, that's Milkman's.

You got told to shut up, but he said he was just kidding, Milkman.

Don't take it to heart, okay?

He was just kidding.

Oh, Airhead, thank you, brother.

Thanks for calling, man.

Good to hear you, Bradley.

Check out Back Alley Pranks, also known as BAP on Mixler.

Mix-L-R.

Yeah, if you go to discord.gg slash pranks, you'll be notified when they do a show.

It's a good show.

Oh, we play this one.

We play this one.

All right, here we go.

Here's another one.

Hey, Carlito, this is Chupacabra, man.

Just wanted to tell you I love the show.

I'm a taxidermist here in Texas, so I deal with blood and guts and shit all day long.

Oh, I never thought about that.

If you're a taxidermist, you got to deal with all the shit in the animal.

get all the shit out you can't leave the shit in the animal oh the animal's rotted in bed

yeah peel away hide from it oh it's that ain't cleaning that ain't no cleaning a fish you got

to clean a bear out you imagine how nasty that is with all that bear shit and you got to get

rid of the the stomach and contents and all that it's a fucking nasty job usually okay here's the

way it goes dude i've had to bring me the attack you always got it because if you brought an animal

into the attack server had guts

and it used to rot and it didn't even hardly

do anything with it, other than maybe

extract the bones, like, make, you know,

like, scald them out or some shit like that,

right? Right. Any animal you'd

bring in, you'd have to put the guts out immediately

after you killed it, right?

And then you'd try to take that carcass,

whatever's left of it, you know, directly

into the attack server as fresh as you can

because the older it gets,

the harder it is to, like,

keep the fresh and the good parts, you know,

and it goes bad, and blah, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, but don't they just take the skin and the pelt and the head,

and then they put it on a fake body?

I've seen those reality shows where it's like,

Taxidermist USA, Alaska Taxidermist.

I guess it just stands like, okay, you can't just take the pelt

and expect to make a body out of it.

You'd need the bones or something.

Yeah, but they make like a fake skeleton body out of metal and stuff.

And they put it over it, I think.

I don't know.

No, I think there was some crappy reality show on TV that I used to watch.

It was a taxidermist in Alaska.

I don't know.

It was styrofoam and shit.

Yeah.

The eyes are made out of marble.

Marble.

They're made out of marble with a deer eye.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, man, yeah.

All right, transcription not available.

We will not play that.

Here's a fan.

Oh, shit, I got the volume down.

hold the phone let's try this again hi carlito my name is ariel oh under the seat of yours i just

wanted to know if milkman is single and if he is how big is his dick okay let me know bye hey

milkman whip out there you go yeah there you go there you go dude you had to put somebody

after that right no that's that's a legit that came in tonight actually during the show

seriously yeah yeah there you go all right okay

oh that's the dude that did a prank call earlier thank you tell the girl i am

and i will let her know let her find out if she wants to know

okay well she needs to get a hold of you hey let's let's see

see. Come home. Come home. I know you, bro. I know you, bro. Come home. Come home. Okay.

Okay, fuck it. Let's go from there. I thought it was the dead. It was not the dead. Somebody's

Yeah, this message is for the milkman. Quit fucking my wife. Every time you deliver that

Not milk, motherfucker.

Catch you and I'll fuck you up.

Yeah, get in his ass.

Fuck, that's what they call him, the milkman.

He titty fucks everyone's wife.

He just called in like two calls before.

Yeah.

It's not his fault.

He's doing a show.

Hey, Carlito.

What's up, man?

I'm on the East Coast, and I'm listening to your show live.

I'm a Marine that comments three combat tours.

Oh, he's called in, too.

All right, I'll skip that for now because he called in.

He already got in.

someone here just so we can move on yeah you got your time you got your time you got your time

you know carlito it's uh coso i know you call me coso and you're shouting back a little thousand

you know we're on playstation whatever i know we haven't played ever but long time you know

listening of course i was about 12 years old for fuck's sake oh wow i'm growing a goddamn man now

so nice you have been a huge inspiration so i've been calling trying to view them

fuck you bro come on what the fuck's going on god damn horse machine god damn it come on

let's go let's go let's go that guy's been listening since he's 12 and i guess probably

like 24 or some shit right now 24 yeah if he's 25 years old yeah crap now he's a man with a big

dick and balls harry we can fuck him now we can molest him and it's not molesting anymore now it's

party time leaving a message for it hey uh big matt you got on too so you don't get to get your

your voicemail play it too bad yeah fuck your reception love you carlio hey thanks man fuck

your you fucked your reception too cactus cactus cactus up put your cactuses up your cacti up

grab whoever called back in and he quit calling what did i send what there's a link there's been

a youtube link okay what does it say in the title okay cool thanks all right whatever that meant

all right everyone thanks everyone who left a message this week i suppose i guess let's

Did Grandpa ever call in anymore?

It was who?

I'm sorry.

Who?

Grandpa, the guy kept calling.

He kept offering to call for real time.

No, he never called back.

He kept calling finally.

He kept going straight to voicemail.

I don't even know how.

Yeah, I guess it was a joke back then.

He never tried to call back.

No, I think it was the real deal, Holyfield.

He was just having trouble getting it to work that night, I think.

Call back, Grandpa.

You never did call back.

God darn it.

Yeah, call back.

God damn it.

All right.

Well, thank you.

All right, we're about to wrap up the show.

I'm just trying to get this voicemail loaded.

I know I keep saying that, but I'm trying to get it because I feel bad for not playing Obituary Guy's voicemail.

No, no, we're about to be.

We're about to be.

As soon as we get Obituary Guy's voicemail to work here.

Here's what happened.

I was working on the phone problem, and in the middle of it, Obituary Guy called in and left a voicemail on the new system.

Oh, it took a dumb half week.

He called at the exact wrong time to call in.

so it got sent to a new system and it's not the usual one because i hadn't set it up yet and he

even says in his voicemail he's like oh that that was weird that's a different voicemail okay i

guess it's like oh my gosh so i thought it would be as easy as just hitting play in the browser

so it's opening up as a separate mp3 give me a second it's coming it's coming it's coming here

Well, that's that Collin State Drive Act show.

Let's get that thing moving.

I don't like the new voicemail opening, but anyway.

A beloved Florida teacher in Deltona who influenced thousands of lives has died of cancer.

Pine Ridge High School math teacher Charlie Lundell died April 15, 2014.

Staff and students were shattered to hear that the 48-year-old had died.

He was known to have given up his time so often just to tutor and to mentor

and just to establish real personal relationships with the kids.

He was also Carlito's math teacher.

Oh, man, Mr. Lundell did die.

I saw that in the Orlando Sentinel from here in Pennsylvania.

Mr. Lundell was never my math teacher, but he was at my high school.

He was one of the cool teachers because he was only like six years older than us,

and he taught math really cool yeah well no he was a teacher in my school it was a popular teacher

he died of cancer a couple years like two years ago um but i yeah i didn't have him as a teacher

i wish i would have had him as a teacher i but he was he there was a clique of teachers that were

like young like they're like the brat pack of the teachers at our high school we we went to a brand

It got built brand new my sophomore year it opened.

So it was like we were all, we had a brand new school and a whole new teaching system.

And we had internet before any other school in the area had internet access and all that shit back in 94.

Pine Ridge High.

Long story.

Anyway, Milkman, listen, we got to get out of here, bro.

Athena's already yelling and throwing shit at the door.

So take us out of here, Milkman.

Give our thanks and prayers to everyone.

Come on, let's go.

All right.

I had one kind of a big show with that.

It was fantastic, guys, sir.

Where am I done?

Okay, guys, I want to say first of all, Mark Meyers, number 10, man.

I'm your brother, man.

Thanks so much.

I hope to tell my brother.

Thanks for your time.

Thanks, Mark, man.

All the other people brought our numbers along tonight.

Thank you so much.

I want to thank everybody that called in tonight.

We've got several callers called in tonight, man.

Thank you so much.

We really do appreciate you calling in.

I want to especially thank all of our sponsors out there, all of our

donators, all of our subscribers.

Yeah, thanks, guys.

Really, thanks.

All of you guys.

You guys really check me out.

Really, all those improvements will be forwarded to you in the future.

So all those good returns will come back to you in the future.

That's the promise.

Right here in the back house.

Right here in the production facility.

Yes, that's right.

I want to thank everybody that called in.

I want to thank everybody out there in the chat, man.

All of our friends in the voicemail.

I want to thank all you two out there, MSG Preplay, my brother,

me and you out there, my brothers, thank you so much.

We want to thank especially you, that's right, our listeners.

We do this every week for you, the most interactive show you can find

right here on the Internet, right here in your ear balls, that's right.

We do it every week.

We drop the dime, we just ask that you give us some time,

bring a friend, or better yet, bring an enemy, because you know what?

You're all welcome here in the Madhouse.

That's right, with the Milkman, the Germanito, the Generalissimo, the Madhouse, what we do with our fearless leader.

Thank you so much, Generalissimo, for having me along and all of us for the entertainment that we provide.

Thank you, brother.

All right.

Thanks, Milkman.

Thanks to you for being on.

And, yeah, seriously, thanks to all the donators and everyone who supports the show through Patreon.

If you're a Patreon subscriber or a donator, rather, a supporter, you'll get this copy of the show as soon as we're done.

MadhouseLive.com is the link for your linkage.

where you can get all our links over there.

That's where links happen, is madhouselive.com.

Don't know if you knew that.

Shellcast, Twitter, YouTube.

That's the index for all the fun.

Check out Prank Calls of the Week over on YouTube.

That'll be out, as well as this show over at madhouselive.com in podcast form by Monday.

Should be by Monday, all right?

So everyone know the amateur prank call hour that was going on after the show.

It's been moved to Fridays.

days is no longer after the show that's over at discord.gg slash pranks so head over there tomorrow

around this time and uh pretty much the community gets together and does prank calls it's a really

cool thing hijinks uh hijinks uh discord chat check it out check it out milkman get your ass

in the discord man you need to get in there you do it yeah we need to talk man i guess

every good talk i i got a couple questions for you all right but they would get you that off

yeah brother

alright everybody

y'all have a good week

I may be doing a show

Monday

keep your ear balls

peeled on the

on the social media

for updates on that

if it does happen

Milkman

I'll talk to you later man

take it easy

thanks for being on

definitely let me know

cause I like to be involved

alright

thank you man

love you man

thanks

peace out

bye

all RB lovers

Milky Goo

see ya guys

What Does Gender Have To Do With It? – 8/30/18 Show

Calls (29, 1 h 38 min of 2 h 58 min)

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