That’s a Girl’s Name – 9/8/18 Show

Yeah, you know where I'm at.

I'm at Starbucks.

Why don't you come over here and fight?

Your actions are nothing more but being a quivering snake.

Okay, yeah, but sir, next time you call, can you please, you know, just say, hey, this is whoever from Starbucks.

No.

A truck ordered.

There's no reason why you should come to me and say, are you guys going to come pick up your shit?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Language, language, language, language.

You just cursed at me.

I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live

I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style

That we get from Carlito, that's my big amigo

So just kick back to listen to this cat call people

When this show goes live, I be like, damn, this shit's bitchin'

Stop whatever I'm doin' to tune in and listen

You can catch me in the back of his home at Horse Machine Ranch Road

I'm bustin' mad fat flows for assholes and banchos

Must be crazy, shout out to Big Amy, that's nice, honey, baby

We kissin' pussy, so ladies, touch your labia

It's crazy how the stuff that my bruh might say to ya

Face it, cause it's the number one prank cast

Stay back if you can't handle all the straight laughs

That we hand to your dome

And if you want, call the number

You can listen to this show on the go

Big up to the man in the madhouse

To show love, just stick your motherfuckin' hands up

Some come close, but they can't get it right

Let the king do his thing, it's time for Madhouse Live

Big up to the man in the madhouse

To show love, just stick your motherfuckin' hands up

You heard about what's going on in there?

We're a lot of bullshit talk, I know that much.

This isn't bullshit, my friend.

Do you know something?

Don't listen.

What do you know?

Maybe I do and maybe I don't.

What I say is they got no business negotiating.

We ought to be going back in there with a bullet for everybody in the yard.

Oh, is that right?

We do it now, we do it later.

Later ain't gonna be no use.

Am I right, Al?

Now, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute, Frank.

We got a lot of angry guys in there.

Black Muslims, Panthers, Young Lords.

Besides you, the average antisocial.

So we gotta go in, right?

Clean your clocks.

hey how you doing there sister hi who am i speaking with oh hey big ashley how are you

big girl good good how them pants fitting you today you're all right you bloated okay good

good good good i was just wondering you know how it felt today how it felt around your waist area

okay um not too much salt yeah have you had a lot of salt because that can bloat you you know

i'm just saying i came in i saw you looked like a tick about to explode i don't know if maybe you're

on your monthly or something or do you have chinese last night maybe that bloats me up

when i got a lot of chinese fu chinese fu you know hey what you doing okay yeah good good now

we know who big ashley is yeah hi i'm carly and i'm the king of prank calls thanks for tuning in

i invented prank calls everything about them yep yep i discovered the jerky boys all right

let's get to some prank calls dwight mcclanahan's gonna be taking over in about oh i don't know an

an hour and 20 minutes 80 minutes so until then you're stuck with me i'm a grifter you know but

let's get some shit out of here what do you guys say let's uh let's call the hell well let's change

the caller id first just a minute please one moment please and i'm gonna change in the caller

id machine to make it look like i'm calling from the starbucks machine so we're gonna get some shit

Get out of here, motherfuckers.

Fuck yeah.

There we go.

It took it.

All right, let's do them pranks.

Coming up next is a Kohl's.

Kohl's.

K-O-H-L-S.

Kohl's, which even despite the retail apocalypse, is doing good.

As is TJ Maxx.

As is JCPenney.

That will show you how things have changed.

Bedding and bath, press 5.

Clothing, press 6.

Jewelry and beauty, press 7.

To replay this message, press 8.

Or stay on the line for assistance.

That's what I need is assistance.

Shit.

Goddamn, right, guys?

Transferring.

Please hold.

We're gone.

Close the door.

How can I help you?

Yeah, hi.

My name's Ashley.

I'm calling from the big Starbucks across the street, across the way here.

Yeah, listen.

We got a load of your stuff over here.

Because we're...

He throw feeders?

Yeah.

Not what you are.

This is different.

So they just brought my co-worker, my associate.

I'm the manager here.

here the associate came in here said hey ash actually there's a there's a shipment here and

i'm like i'm busy i got a lot of shit i gotta do so i just signed for it and then when i went to

the back there's like five big boxes of perfumes and colognes there's call calvin clean here

whatever um oh god what's this here jesus there's tons and tons of stuff in here there's something

something, uh, Givenchy, Givenchy, Givenchy. Let me hold and that way you can talk to one

of our managers. Well, hurry the fuck up. All right. Cause I got a lot of shit I got

to do. Let's go. Sarah, how can I help you? Hey, big Sarah, how you doing? This is Ashley.

Don't make fun of the name, please. I'm not. What can I do for you? Well, because the girl

that just asked her made fun of it. She said, that's a girl's name. Oh, okay. Well, that's

what my, that's my father's name and that's what they named me. I think that's fabulous.

Okay. Fabulous. Right. Very funny. I get it. No pun intended. Listen, I work, I'm the,

I'm working here at the Starbucks, okay?

My associate came over here, gave me a paper to sign saying there was a shipment.

We were expecting a shipment, all right?

And I signed for it.

I go in the back to break down the shipment, and it's a bunch of perfume and cologne.

It says it's supposed to be for Kohl's.

Okay.

There's Givenchy, Calvin Klein.

Maybe Calvin Klein, yeah, okay.

Okay, all right.

And what are we going to do about this?

Actually, I can see if I can get an associate over there.

Why don't you guys keep it in your back room?

If anything, I'll get you over there tomorrow.

Well, some of the guys already took some stuff.

Some of my work release guys took a bunch of that.

Okay, well, you guys will be responsible.

No, we're not.

It got delivered to us.

This is for us.

You need to get someone over here.

I don't have any control over these people, all right?

So you need to get the hell over here and get this shit.

Are you a manager there, Ashley?

Yeah, I am, all right?

You are.

Yeah, and you need to get this shit out of here.

I got a lot of shit I got to do, all right?

And we put up a lot of shit from you people.

Bye, Ashley.

Yeah, right.

Motherfucker, you.

We do put up with a lot of shit, you know?

Let's call Ross.

Ross. Big Ross.

My name is Ashley. Was that, was the girl's name

Ashley? Am I right? Yeah, it was Ashley.

Big Ashley. I know a black guy named

Ashley. I know a black guy named Kim.

I know a Korean guy named Kim.

Anyway, as I was saying, madhouselive.com

is the website to go to to get

that shit in your ass, motherfucker.

You can get them YouTube links.

Madhouse Radio on YouTube where I'm

broadcasting live right now. You can also

get links to the podcast. You can

subscribe and all wherever fine podcasts

are served. All the links are on the

the right hand side of the page you can also listen 24 7 on youtube of course which is something

i came up with you can also go to uh tune in radio a lot of people got the tune in radio app

you can do that and shoutcast i um i looked into getting us on i heart radio but they wanted oh

they wanted a whole bunch of control over the content all like get the fuck out of here then

i remembered fuck that i heart radio they're a piece of shit company anyway they're just clear

your channel under a different name you know you know all right and hey uh we got a meet up in

chicago coming up next week from today at noon central standard time chicago we're going to be

meeting in logan square if you go to facebook.com and you go to my page over there i'm carlito cross

madhouse.live on uh facebook and also uh brad carter's going to be there big jayad uh matt

Matt Hillock, Dwight McClanahan, Big Axpa Derpson, Lux is going to be there.

A whole bunch of us.

If you have any of us added, just head over to Facebook and check that out.

RSVP or just be there.

Again, Logan Square next Saturday, the 15th at noon in Chicago, Illinois, downtown Chicago.

We're going to be hanging out.

We're going to be playing them video games and drinking them beers and getting them colonics.

I'm not administrating them.

Jad's going to explain to us all about how he got his prostate milked.

i'll make sure of that um if you want to help me get there because i i'm like dead broke dead

fucking broke right now because i had to buy last minute tickets to get there if you want to throw

me a donation a couple bucks two three bucks 2020 2020 dollars and 28 cents no you don't have to do

that much but um right now what i'm suggesting all right so i was giving out madhouse live.com

forward slash donate for people to help me out a lot of people are saying that shit's broken it's

It's not really working right.

MadhouseLive.com slash donate.

So try it there.

If that doesn't work for you, Dwight McClanahan has graciously offered to accept PayPal donations on his PayPal.

As long as you put Carlito in the note or the message for that, he'll know it's for me.

So thanks, Dwight McClanahan, for that.

His PayPal is PayPal.me slash DwightPCN.

Again, that's PayPal.me slash DwightPCN.

So either way, you can go to MadhouseLive.com slash donate.

donate greatly appreciate it thanks for all the people who have donated and uh that that's all i

got right now you know i want us to do some calls like i said in about an hour and 15 minutes we'll

be uh we'll be listening to the dwight mcclanahan machine dwight the janitor show what's he call

that shit dwight mop riding with dwight btr tonight what the fuck i don't know let's go

more pranks yeah homer man homer took a shit outside the the studio hello yeah hi this is

This is Ashley. Don't make fun of the name.

I work at the Starbucks. I'm the manager here.

All right, we just got a shipment over here that was intended for you.

It's a bunch of colognes and perfumes.

I talked to.

Well, someone needs to come over here and get these colognes and perfumes

that were supposed to be for your store.

They got delivered here at the Starbucks.

Yeah, hurry up. Hurry up. I got a lot of shit I got to do.

Who's this?

Yeah, Big Crystal.

Listen, I work at the Starbucks. I'm the manager here.

The Starbucks here in the parking lot.

Listen, we've got a shipment of five boxes, and there are all these colognes and perfumes and stuff like that for you.

All right?

There's Givenchy, Calvin Clean.

We don't carry any of this stuff.

We do coffees and drinks and snacks.

All right, so you need someone over here to get this shit out of here.

When can you have someone here?

Well, listen.

Here's what's going to happen.

You have five minutes to get someone over here to pick up these boxes,

or I'm going to start giving them out to the staff

and to the people who are inside my store, okay?

Because I don't have time for this.

And the responsibility is on you.

It's you.

The one who delivered the boxes.

So you can actually go ahead and call FedEx or UPS.

No, you need to come get this shit out of here.

This is not my problem.

This is your problem.

This is a lot.

Oh, I'm sorry.

No, I'm so sorry.

You need to call UPS or FedEx.

Well, I hope you're ready when you get fired

because you didn't want to come get your product.

I'm taking this one right here.

This one right here.

Stupid asshole you

Is there a man

That I can talk to

Huh

No

My problem is

You're a woman

And you're stupid

No no no

You don't

Shut up

Call the cops

Oh

Emergency

I'm an asshole

Stupid

Call the cops then

I don't give a shit

Call the fucking cops

Tell them to come

Wash your pussy out

With a fucking fire hose

So call the fire department then

Right, guys?

Yeah.

She got to pray is what she got to do.

This is more confrontational than funny.

I'm just venting at this point.

Yeah.

So something kind of funny happened a little bit ago.

I'm pretty broke.

So I wanted to go out and get something to eat.

You know, I'm going to have a late dinner tonight with the old lady.

So I was like, all right, I'm going to go to the Burger King up the street.

And I started looking for change in the cushions and all this stuff.

And I found enough to cover a Whopper, a plain Whopper with no cheese.

So I went to the Burger King drive-thru, and I waited a long time for one fucking Whopper,

and I hadn't paid yet.

I'm sitting there waiting to pay.

I haven't even paid yet.

It took almost 12 minutes.

So I was getting ready to say, you know what?

This is a bad idea.

Let me just drive off, save my money, and then we're going to make a pot of Ambien rice at home.

That would be better.

And just about when I was ready to give it up, the girl comes, and she hands me a bag.

She says, thank you.

Have a good day.

I haven't paid yet.

So I didn't miss a beat.

I said, hey, thanks.

No problem.

thank you and i drove off and that's great because i didn't have now i'm not i'm not so broke anymore

i got i think i deserve that because i've been overcharged and gotten the wrong stuff from this

burger king many times so it's about time that i get a win about time i got a w from this burger

king and i did today motherfucker and guess what i got the whopper i asked for plus another whopper

with cheese which is what i really wanted but they charge you like 75 fucking cents for cheese

and when i'm counting dimes and nickels to pay fuck that right because i got cheese here it's

not as good as you know it's fucking diet cheese it's not good as that that fucking american

bullshit but yeah and then i also got a crispy whopper in there and i i cut that in half and i

gave it to homer homer's all excited he's over here and then this motherfucker took a shit in

the living room and i smelled it as i was getting the show ready so i had to go out there and take

take care of the shit on the floor and i had to say no to him and i put him in his crate for five

minutes like we do to show him a lesson because he knows he's supposed to go to the front door

and scratch it or hit the bells that we put on there for him when he needs to take a shit i took

him out two fucking times in an hour because he always shits at 5 p.m and he wasn't shitting he

was out there being distracted by squirrels and fucking shit he would pee and he wouldn't poop i

said all right if you take a shit you're gonna get until so he did it so it still smells like

shit in the office which is right adjacent to the living room this room here where i do the show

from it's basically my studio plus our den plus my office where i make things go and i i think

he's shitting here somewhere but i can't find it and i'm asking him and he won't tell me he just

looks at me with those stupid basset hound eyes like he's all sad oh he knew he was in trouble

too he knew the minute i got a whiff of that shit outside the door and i looked at him he

He went running under my desk, looking all sad, making himself look cute.

Motherfucker.

He's lucky he's cute, man, because I hit him with my shoe.

Anyway, let's get back to the prank calls, okay?

Enough dog talk.

Fucking obsessed with this stupid dog.

Ruined my life.

Why is this thing making noises?

Thank you for calling McDonald's.

I'm helping.

Yeah, hey.

How you doing, buddy?

Pretty good, thank you.

Okay, good.

Listen, we got a problem.

That's unfortunate.

I'm helping.

All right, so I've been coming.

I work at the Starbucks.

My name's Ashley.

Don't make fun of the name, okay?

Okay, okay.

All right, so listen.

Listen, I go there a lot to you guys.

I go through the drive-thru, my break, because I'm lazy.

I don't want to walk.

So I just drive-thru.

I only get 15 minutes break sometimes.

And you guys make me wait way longer than I have to all the time.

And you give me the wrong order.

I don't find out until I get back here to the Starbucks.

I get inside my office here in the back room.

And it's like, you know.

Just a quick note, sir.

What?

I'm very sorry to interrupt.

And I am sorry for everything that's happening to you, sir.

But I believe you're calling the wrong McDonald's.

No, this is.

Where is McDonald's located and Walmart?

In the Walmart, yeah.

Yeah, no, I drive up to the Walmart, but you guys make me wait all the time.

Oh.

All right, open your ears.

Listen, so here's what just happened.

I went there and I ordered food, and I didn't pay, and this is not going to work.

Listen, you guys need to get your shit out of here, okay?

We just got to order a shipment here.

Okay, yeah, I'm here.

Yeah, it's a bunch of your stuff.

I'm sorry for your inconvenience, sir.

Okay.

Well, you guys keep messing with me and messing with me.

You mess up my breaks, and now you're messing up my night because I got a bunch of boxes here of stuff.

I understand.

I do apologize.

Do you have everything for your order?

You need to get this shit out of here.

Pardon me?

I said you need to send someone to get this shit out of here.

I'm sorry.

Are you saying that some of the stuff from my store is on your store?

Yeah, it's here in the back, and it's going to get all ruined, you know.

It says it's for $3,412, and we're $3,400, not $3,412.

Hold on a second.

Let me check.

Hurry up.

He doesn't even know their own address.

Homer, where did you shit, man?

So actually, you know, I'm only visiting the store.

You're what?

I'm only visiting the store.

I don't actually work here.

Well, you're ignorant.

Is there someone that knows the store?

Knows the situation there?

No, sir.

I'm the only one here.

You're the only person in the McDonald's, in the Walmart.

That's in charge.

That speaks English?

You're going to have to deal with my ignorance.

That speaks English?

Is that what you're trying to say?

Yeah, pretty much.

You're the only one that speaks English.

Wow.

Well, no.

I have other people that speak English.

Well, put someone else on, because you're pissing me off.

I'm sorry, sir. Unfortunately, I'm the only one who's allowed to grab the phone.

All I understand is, like, clicking noises.

I think there's a thing between the language that I can't understand.

I see. I apologize, sir.

Ignorant. Ignorantee. Do you understand that better?

Yes, sir. I do.

Let's go.

Okay, so I'll go ahead and bring your concern to the store manager.

Meanwhile, have a great day.

You need to send someone here to get the shit out of here is what I'm trying to tell you.

Motherfucker.

so that's not going to work if it's a fucking not a drive-thru i was trying to say ha ha i love

without paying for the food i'm gonna have to find a different kind of i got to find a burger king

but no fuck it i've been trying to call burger kings for the last year and they always go to

some kind of fax automated machine now they don't they you don't you can't get through to the to

the store at least in my in my experience lately i don't know what that's about yeah it's just

mariscos negro yeah why do you have racist name in your name of the place yeah negro

what do you call her man what well i looked up mariscos that means homosexual

no it says right here m-a-r-i-c-o-n means homosexual aka it says faggot it says here

is what it means literally and then negro is is a racist word for black people no man you're

You're mistaking the language.

You're calling for that?

I'm going to just hang up.

Fucking asshole.

Why are you saying these things?

You're making homosexual, anti-homosexual, anti-black things.

You've got to...

Why would I speak...

This is America.

Last time I checked, this is the United States.

Yeah, I work here.

My name's Ashley.

I work at the Starbucks.

I'm just...

I've got to get into it to get the idea.

Motherfucker chingas a tu puta madre, hijo de puta.

Yeah, you know where I'm at.

I'm at Starbucks.

Why don't you come over here and fight?

Okay, come on.

My name's Ashley.

You have the number on the ID.

You know, come over here.

We'll fight, and when I kick your ass, I'll suck your dick.

I'm going to suck your dick.

Yeah, good.

Fuck yeah.

He just wants to fight.

He's like, I'm down.

I'm down, man.

Come on, man.

He's seeing the caller ID.

It came up with the name Starbucks.

I love it.

Alright, let's do some more prankies

We're about an hour away from Dwight McClanahan pants

Dwight McCranky pants

Here's a big show planned for you guys tonight

I can't, I'm not supposed to say

But let me just say

It's gonna be big

Hey, what was that? Homer, behave

Go to your bed

San Ashton, this is Brian

Hey, what's going on?

What can I do for you?

This is Ashley, I'm at the Starbucks in the parking lot

Hello, Ashley.

Yeah, listen, don't make fun of the name.

We got a shipment here of a bunch of your shit.

One of my associates signed over for it without permission.

Okay.

All right, so the first thing I'm going to do is apologize that that happened, okay?

But you need to get someone out of here as soon as you can.

Like, you need to get this shit out of here.

Okay, well, yeah, we don't have any shipments on Saturday or Sunday,

so I'm not sure why you guys have them.

Well, I don't know.

You want me to open up and go through your shit?

It says here it's for throw feeders.

You understand?

Hang tight.

We're scared of you, God damn it.

I don't understand why you're upset with me.

Because of shit.

I got a lot of you here.

I hear how busy we are right now.

Let me get you to my operations manager.

Let's go.

Let's go, asshole.

Hi, this is Sean.

How can I help you?

Oh, Sean, very funny.

Listen, my name's Ashley.

Don't make fun of the name like the last guy did.

That's my father's name, and that's the name they gave me,

and I don't appreciate that, first of all.

You understand?

I would be surprised if he actually made fun of your name.

He did.

Okay.

He went, humph, humph, H-U-M-M-F is what I would say he said.

Okay.

I apologize.

i'm at the starbucks i'm the manager you hear how busy it is right now i understand that you hear

how busy it is right now here i do okay well listen we just got a shipment here for you guys

it was intended for you guys okay there's five large boxes it looks like there's instruments

or keyboards or something in here what the hell is this i unfortunately i wouldn't know we don't

normally get any receiving and so if was it a fedex shipment that came by i guess i don't know

i don't i didn't my associate the he's one he's one of these work release little twerps okay

okay one of those dirty freaking people and he signed for without permission he doesn't know

what the hell he's doing i got a lot of shit i gotta do man you gotta get this shit out of here

we're not nice the arrow 36 okay jesus christ god help me god god jesus get this shit out of here

right now right now i can come over there and grab the packages for you let's go let's go more

than sure i'm actually one of the managers over here and i'm trying to help you out and i'll be

Be there in a few minutes.

Well, you know how frustrating it is.

Yeah, I certainly understand.

You know, having to have monkeys work for you.

You know how it is.

How soon can you be here, please?

Maybe 10 minutes or so.

Let's go.

Ashley.

Okay.

All right.

I'll be over there in a few minutes, but, you know, and we'll talk then, okay?

Oh, yeah.

We're going to talk.

Okay.

All right.

I'll be there in a minute.

All right.

Okay.

All right.

I'll get him a coffee.

He seemed like a nice guy.

Jesus Christ, Carlito.

Oh, God.

Neighbors probably think I need help.

they think homer's attacking me homer you're right dad's okay homer homie the doc thinks

i'm going crazy i'm not mad at you buddy where are you i know where you want i'm gonna have to

check on him in a little bit how are y'all doing thanks for tuning in madhouse live.com is the

website much appreciated you tuning in and all that stuff you know you know you know what's up

oh i got something to play for y'all i guess it's kind of a makeup show keep in mind this

Normally I would do a show Thursdays, but I'll be on my way to Chicago, so I won't be able to do a show this Thursday.

So this is kind of like a little bit of a tide you over.

I'm halfway through editing last Thursday's show.

I hope to release that tomorrow.

This one here I hope to release on Monday.

And between the two, I hope to make one big prank calls of the week.

So far, we're doing pretty good tonight.

We got some contenders.

all right speaking of which last week the one hilarious fucking prank call was the black dude

i don't know if you heard if you if you if you were you know previously on madhouse radio if

you heard the black dude that got into it for me for a good 15 20 minutes arguing about that i

didn't want to give him a tv um he actually called back yesterday and left a voicemail on the mouth

line let me go ahead and get that guy for you just so you can hear him here he is yeah you're

You're Craigslist, so you can get people's number and then start sending them spam.

You're an asshole.

Recognize that you're being watched by the Lord and your actions are nothing more but being a quivering snake.

Quivering snake.

He, uh, I can't call him back, I don't think, because he called anonymously every time that he called into the line.

Why did I stop that song?

Anyway, back to the map.

Let me see who else I can call.

Or we can do some swap shoppers, too.

That could help out.

Or how about this?

we call the starbucks to see what's up i

can't call the Starbucks now for some reason.

Maybe because the call RIDs all changed.

Man, this is a busy complex.

They got a Walmart, a Kohl's, a Ross, and the Sam's Club all in there.

These are all the giants of retail right now.

These are mostly the giants.

Plus the Starbucks.

bucks a target here a target next to a walmart damn i've never seen that before the target is

in between a walmart and a sam's club they're surrounded by bettenville all right we'll try

the jamba juice let's see if this call goes through so it looks like we're going to be

doing a at least some kind of live show while we're out there i'm going to be trying to vlog

you know the the journey and the meeting of the people also i haven't decided if i'm going to

to instagram that or snapchat or facebook live anybody have suggestions it will be the best

platform for doing that just posting little videos and pictures here and there as on my journey and

as you know hey i meet mclennan for the first time i'm so excited we're gonna have so much fun

and you guys should have fun too you guys should come out hi yeah are you guys gonna come pick up

your shit you guys gonna come pick up this shit from here from the starbucks my name is ashley

i'm the manager here at the starbucks place an order at starbucks well no someone dropped off

a delivery for your store here what that has to do with us sir that means you need to come over

here and pick up your shit because i don't can't have this here bitch all right maybe i was too

strong maybe i was too strong with my approach my bad yeah hi was i just was just talking and you

hung up on me i don't know what you're talking about no one placed an order okay a truck came

came to the starbucks and it had things for jamba juice and they delivered it i don't understand

why you're being so rude about it i i don't under we didn't blah blah blah we have i have a lot of

stuff i have to do okay yeah but sir next time you call can you please you know to say hey this

is whoever from starbucks no uh a truck ordered there's no reason why you should come to me and

and say, are you guys going to come pick up your shit?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Language, language, language, language.

You just cursed at me.

Well, I have a right to be upset.

No, you don't have a right to be upset

because I don't even know what you're talking about.

You shouldn't answer the phone like that.

If you work for Starbucks,

you should have better customer service than that.

I'm the manager.

I train new employees.

I understand that.

Okay?

All right, and can you hear how busy it is here?

I'm sure Jamba Juice isn't...

No, I can't hear how busy it is there because I'm not there.

Here, let me...

Look, listen, I'm in the lobby now.

Now, hear how busy it is here.

I don't think that has anything to do with it.

Yeah.

What did you talk for?

Well, how many people you got there?

Your place.

Pretty dead, like always.

I have a real job, honey.

Why are you calling?

Listen, if I don't do my job right, people fall asleep behind the wheel because they don't have caffeine.

What happens if you don't do your job right?

The juice is too sweet?

Ooh.

Listen, when can you send someone here to get your shit out of here?

People fall asleep behind the wheel.

they do if i don't do my job right oh god hello hello sir sir jamba right yeah right how about

we uh call the starbucks and just see what's going on over there just a minute while i just

call her ids for this operation thank you one moment please so far the best one best reaction

she was pretty good but i think my favorite reaction has been the sam ash guitar store

music store whatever they are music super center everyone's got to be putting super in their names

now like it's freaking 1996 who they think they are all right if i can find the right tab here we

go let's call back to starbucks remember if you want to throw me a dollar two or four to help me

cover the travel costs to get to chicago i promise this will be the next to last time i bring this up

tonight but please head over to uh you can do a paypal donation paypal.me slash dwight pcn

paypal.me slash dwight pcn yes i know that's dwight mcclanahan's thing but he's offering if

you put carlito in the message or the note or whatever it is he'll know to apply it to me and

i can use it to help with splitting the cost of the hotel room i owe them money this is dwight

and jayad put up front some money and that way i can cover those costs i don't want them to be

having to put me up i appreciate it guys i won't bring it up again till i go off air

promise i'm not even promoting the patreon.com forward slash madhouse oops too late yeah hi

this is kyle i'm over here at the jamba juice we just got a really odd call is there an ashley who

works there who just called ashley and we've been getting calls from saying that somebody called

from here threatening them over boxes making racial slurs racial slurs yeah that's uh they're

McDonald's. Somebody called McDonald's saying

that they were me, and they started being

really racist towards them.

Yeah.

I'm Ashley, and I had somebody call here

and ask for my name and if I was a

supervisor, and then they started getting really

weird on the phone with me, so I hung up. And ever

since then, I've been getting calls from

all these other businesses. Okay, yeah, because

I got a call, you know, it said

hey, this is Ashley with Starbucks, and it was

a man, you know? Yeah, that's

also the issue. And he was

He was asking if I was gay, that he wanted to kiss me and all this stuff?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's not me.

I'm actually at Starbucks.

Okay.

All right.

All right, sir.

Well, I mean, what should I do?

Should I just, we don't have to send anyone down there then?

No, I'm keeping track of everybody that calls me to let me know because I need to call it

into my corporate offices that somebody's calling pretending to be us.

All right.

Well, I will follow up with your corporate office myself also because I don't appreciate

this.

I'm very disappointed.

my wife and i both use your products quite a bit and it's a shame honestly i have no idea who's

doing it and it's really bothering me because they're saying that they're me my goodness okay

all right well don't stop playing with the phone guys okay yeah no no you guys need to stop playing

with the phone i gotta go i got a lot of shit i gotta do okay hello sir okay smith and wesson

says i got a call back from the corporate office i don't know let's let's get a little crazy

crazy let's find another shopping center now i'm not jayad i'm not gonna keep plugging away

at the same place and be like oh my god the cops got me now oh i don't know how it happened oh my

god excuse me that coke zero huh guys you guys know i'm a big fan all right man i'm feeling good

i got some good eye medication here uh i actually bought it like two months ago this has been

sitting here and i found it i was like holy shit what's this pretty good amount of it and i didn't

remember i think my wife bought it and she lost it i think she was hiding it from homer homer goes

after the weed this is a bad dog bad dog did i say racist i guess i did say racist to mcdonald's

didn't i my bad uh give me a second let me play this uh youtube i'll be right back he's homer's

crying give me a second he's fine he's fine this is bored hey buddy come here there he is you're

watching the camera on youtube you see him down here you might be able to see him over my big

fat belly a big fat white belly because i'm wearing a white shirt white ralph lauren shirt

with the horse on it you know me big fan of the horse eyes all right let's find a burger king so

i can do that idea no mcdonald's mcdonald's mcdonald's one minuto por favor reminding us that

gay marriage or being gay is legal in india now good for them a mailbox belonging to me

full and cannot accept new messages at this time it's full of shit motherfucker

fucker oh damn yeah catastrophe in youtube uh reminding it sucks that that one call to the

angry to the black dudes uh got cut off at the end there yeah that's because the internet dropped

so there you guys missed nothing when you might have missed a little bit of it there at the last

maybe a couple seconds not much of it but it was it was good it was time for it to end when it

ended you know what i mean okay let's find another mcdonald's because that one's full we're looking

We're talking at about 35 to 38 minutes before Dwight McClanky Hank.

I keep changing his name tonight.

Before Big Dwight does a show tonight.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck yeah.

I'm going to be in a car with Jag TV, Dwight McClanky Pants, myself, of course, my imaginary friend that follows me everywhere, and AXPA.

All five of us in the car together at the same time.

And I got all these pranks lined up for these guys.

they have no idea the shit i'm gonna do to them don't tell them all right we don't have to be

no more restaurant i forgot hi mcdonald's hello hello mcdonald's i'm on to zuma hello

fucking ignorant fucking stupid hey if anyone wants to call in you can 405-396-6884 i forgot

about that if you want to give a call uh not much time here but 405-396-6884 okay and for those of

you who did actually hear that voicemail that i played i'm pretty sure that was the guy

sounded a little different but i can't imagine why someone would just call angry from the beginning

and this dog farted jesus homer i guess that's my fault for feeding him half of a

chicken whopper good lord son he is definitely a member of my family though i'm not gonna give

up my last name but whatever that last name is he definitely is one of them because both me and my

My wife.

Speaking of which, I think I'm paying for this free Whopper miracle that happened today

at the Burger King here in town right before the show started because I'm, like, right

about here right now.

Oh, I think they had some bad mayo.

I'm serious.

I'm feeling it.

It's like a couple midges wrestling there in my big keg.

Who needs a six-pack when you can have a keg, right, guys?

Yeah, party.

Matt Hillock style.

Calls not connected.

The phone's busy.

He left it off the hook.

Look, cabrón, maricón, cabrón de mierda.

I don't know why that played, but it did.

It felt good, didn't it?

All right.

Homer, stop farting.

Stop.

Yeah, you, dude.

Don't look at me like that.

Cute, innocent eyes.

You smell like dog shit.

Jesus.

Took his ass to the dog park last Monday.

Or took him there on Monday.

There was a dog peeing.

And he started drinking the piss coming out of the dog right from the tap.

No, no, no.

Don't cry.

Be a man.

You don't cry.

Men don't cry.

And your mom's not here.

Thank God.

I can yell as loud as I want.

Athena ain't here.

McDonald's on Texas.

How can I help you?

Yeah, hey, just to let you know, you guys mess up my orders all the time,

and I just had a realization about that.

You know why?

Because I went through the drive-thru, and I ordered a Big Mac meal,

and you guys gave me, like, five hamburgers and two fries,

and I didn't even pay.

The girl just said, here, here you go.

Thank you.

Have a nice day.

And I drove off.

I don't care.

Then why are you calling me if you got free food anyway?

Just to let you know.

No, it's, you know, you're stupid.

Your people are stupid.

I won.

What do you call that thing?

Why am I calling them to tell them that, right?

God damn it.

Why does the music stop playing?

Thank you.

They ain't gonna answer.

Motherfucker.

Thanks for calling, motherfucker.

How can I help you?

Hey, motherfucker, you.

Dwight McCrankyhands.

Hey.

What's up?

Hey.

I don't know what's going on.

I got some free Burger King.

Did you hear the story?

story no no i didn't yeah i was you know how i'm broke so i had changed to get one single whopper

and i couldn't even get the cheese i was so bummed out so i got to the burking and they took so long

and she before i made my payment she gave me a sack with two whoppers one of them with cheese

one without and a chicken whopper and i came home and i fed homer half a chicken whopper and i

another whopper and i got another one waiting for me in the fridge motherfucker i've already

he shit all over i heard this he did dude i think he's shitting here and i can't i can't find i can

just smell it it's either that or he just keeps farting chicken whopper i think that's what it is

you got a donation coming oh nice good from who can you say the name hunters electronics he donated

you one penny oh wow thanks hunters electronics yeah half of it's for you half of it's for me

yeah hey mcdonald's i just went through the drive-thru and i got the wrong order

Oh, I'm sorry.

I mean, I can see you order right away when I come back.

Well, here's what happened.

I ordered a Big Mac with no lettuce, you know?

Okay.

And she gave me a sack full of eight plain hamburgers and a quarter pounder with cheese.

Oh, my God.

But I didn't even pay, and I left, and I'm eating it now.

Okay.

So what are you going to do about it?

What would you like to be, sir?

i mean you already got an order so i mean are you okay with it or i really would like my big mac but

i'm gonna keep all this other food that you gave me for free i mean you want to bring it back i can

give you food for sure i mean i i ate i already ate a bunch of it and i called my friend and he's

eating some of it he's on the line now he liked it he said it's good but i would like i would like

that big mac still you know but i'm not i'm not bringing the food oh man come on he's like come

Come on, man.

Can you bring it back?

What's he going to do with the food?

Why would he ask for it back?

What are you going to do?

Sell it after some guy, random guy took it home?

I always love when they're like, bring it back.

Or did you want to come back in and say, motherfucker?

Like, no, I already made one trip.

I'm not making another.

Dude, I got so mad.

There's one time I went to Arby's and I ordered a drink.

I got home and I guess the syrup had run out in the machine because all I got was like this fucked up water.

It didn't even taste like good water.

It tasted like dishwater.

you know why would arby do that to you arby's a fucking prick that's why i complained to greenby

about it too got him yeah i complained to greenby and i said this happens again and greenby's like

that's not my restaurant i live in a different state and like i don't give a fuck don't let

it happen again yeah yeah yeah he's a big man around that corporation nowadays i thought yeah

i'm telling you well he's a big man all together gristin heron is nuts and he thinks his shit

It doesn't stink now.

You heard him last night?

Good God.

Yeah, he was crazy last night.

Yeah, I'm telling you.

That smells like success right there.

It smells like Homer's ass.

What do you got planned for tonight?

Anything big?

Anything you want to share with the kids?

Oh, fuck, no.

I'm winging it.

Hey, you can keep that penny donation, by the way.

You can have it.

Oh, I can't.

He said it's a split.

We've got to be honest with people.

They want to know where it's going.

It's 50-50.

and when we go on the trip we're gonna we're gonna itemize everything we bought yeah you guys know

and i'm gonna tell you for taxes so they don't be like you're stealing the patreon you promised

me i was gonna get paid sure cardings axpa cardings says the axpa says cardings do you

have the ding numbers the ding timber hello hello hello yeah listen i called earlier i

got a wrong order when i came through the drive-thru okay all right and what are we

we're gonna do about this hey your order number i don't know i didn't get a receipt all right

i'm gonna have to have you to come in then so okay well here's i ordered a uh uh big mac with

no lettuce all right all right all right but listen you want to know have you to come in you

know what i got do you want to know what i got you don't want to know what i got can i tell you

can i tell you stupid god fucking shithead

come on man why you give me shit you had a donation come in from theo

man i fucked your dick man that's what the guy was saying who who theo a theo

yeah theo and his note says forbid carlito to buy cleaning products to mop up homer's shit

you hear him he's over here crying okay good well thanks for that homer what's your problem

Pablo, what do you want from me?

I fed you.

You took a shit.

What do you want?

Come here.

Stop it.

Oh, he's by the door talking shit.

Look at that.

He's by the door.

I think he's pointing his butthole at you.

I'm a fucking vagina.

You're running tell on YouTube to your wife.

Yeah, right.

What's he going to do?

No, because my wife knows he's a fucking pussy.

No, dude, I love this dog.

And I talk like this on the show all tough, but I'm a fucking...

Yeah.

Yeah, I yelled at my wife today because she, he got away because of her.

Her not paying attention.

That's all I want to say about it.

I don't want to talk anymore about it.

Hey, buddy.

Hey, homie.

Hey, we're down there.

I got this.

Oh, who's your good dog?

Yeah, I honestly thought basset hounds were going to be fat and lazy and fart every once

in a while.

This guy is fucking.

I'm calling the McDonald's.

My name is Ajay.

What can I do for you?

Yeah, first of all, stop hitting buttons on the phone, okay?

I'm sorry?

I said, first of all, stop hitting buttons on the phone.

You hit a button there?

No, I'm not hitting any buttons, sir.

Okay, maybe you can't tell because of your neuropathy in your face.

Listen, I went through the drive-thru, and I got my order completely wrong.

What's completely wrong?

What are we going to do about this?

All right, do you want to come in and fix it?

Well, let me explain.

I ordered a Big Mac with no lettuce.

Okay.

Okay, here's what I got.

I got three quarter pounders with cheese.

I got two medium fries, it looks like.

I think these are medium or large.

I don't know what they are now.

Okay, and I got an apple pie.

Okay, and you did not receive any Big Macs there?

No, and I didn't pay either.

She just gave me the food.

She said, thank you.

Okay, I apologize.

All right, so...

Will you be able to come in and get your Big Mac today?

Yeah, I still want my Big Mac, but I'm keeping all this other food.

Okay.

All right.

When can I come in?

Can I have your name, sir?

I want to eat this first and digest and maybe come around in like three hours.

All right, may I have your name so I can write it down in the book?

Akulo, A-C-U-L-O.

Okay, give me one second.

Okay.

A-C...

U-L-O.

L-O.

Right.

And was the Big Mac just a sandwich, or was it a meal?

It was a Big Mac, just a sandwich, and no lettuce.

No lettuce?

Yeah.

Okay.

All right, and you just hit the button again.

I apologize, sir, if the phone is messing up, but I'm not hitting any buttons.

Well, you're really pissing me off.

Okay, I will see you in a few hours to give you your Big Mac.

The fucking buttons, and don't be pushing any buttons on me, all right?

I promise you, sir, I'm not pushing any buttons.

All right, okay, all right.

And don't give me any shit when I go down there either, all right?

And I want some, I want french fries.

I want more french fries.

Is there anything else I can do for you?

I'm going to put my friend on the line.

He's going to get something for free, too.

Hey, Pickles.

Yeah, hey, hello.

Hey, ma'am?

Ma'am.

Bitch?

Hello?

I'm going to get some of them nuggets.

Bitch?

Oh, my God.

And these people want $15 an hour.

Yeah, right.

I can't wait for them to get replaced by robots.

Ryan, terminate the call, please.

All right.

At least they won't burn my buns when they're toasting them, ignorant.

Oh, she said something finally.

Damn.

Right when I hung up.

Son of a cock.

My bad.

So I was saying, Ding Timber, were you keeping that a secret, or did you get numbers?

No, no, it's out there.

I announced my last show, the number.

Axe was the one with the numbers.

I don't have access to the machine to get the numbers yet.

But he's been passing them along.

Axe said that he's got them.

I guess.

Yes, he was saying ding calls.

So, dude, I'm excited.

Brad can't do them because he's on probation.

It's a violation of his probation machine.

The problem is most of the ones that are in right now are within the state, so I can't do them.

I can do them.

Yeah, you can.

You just got to give them over to you.

Well, I mean, would you let me do them on your show if I called in tonight?

Or is that too close for comfort for you?

Absolutely.

Too close for comfort.

Okay, all right.

I understand.

All right, all right.

Well, hey, if you live in Michigan, go fuck yourself and don't do the fucking ding calls.

How about that, all right, you fucking assholes?

Brad was supposed to be putting out a show today or something with the ding numbers,

so it should start increasing in other locales.

I believe he did do a show today.

Good point, good point.

Excuse me.

And, okay, all right, let's do a call.

How about that?

How about some...

Oh, God, I'm going to throw up.

Oh, man, free burping.

There's no such thing as a free lunch, man.

Am I right, my friend?

You know?

Oh, yeah, if you're either burping or shitting at the rest of the day.

Oh, what if I do both at the same time?

You ever shit and throw up at the same time?

Uh, no, I've come close.

Yeah, I did it in the shower once.

I mean, it's a good place to do it, right?

For it to happen.

Yeah, I always grab from a trash can that's next to the toilet.

But then you shit.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love throwing up.

Feels good, man.

Homer calmed down.

Good boy.

Great security.

There's not a little message.

Yeah, old bitch.

at the tone please record i gotta change the id for these shits standby one moment please

we're about 20 minutes away from big dwight mccranky pants doing the show i can't wait

i got a donation from big hijinks saying to join the discord at hijinks.fun slash chat

thank you hijinks i'm gonna guess that's palindrome or someone associated and you know

i gotta write that down on the big board here because i always say the wrong link hijinks.com

the fuck

hijinks.fun

forward slash chat

that's the

discord

uh

hijinks discord

where you can chat

with the prank call

community machine

do that shit

motherfucker you

so what should I do guys

tell me real quick

in the united chats

a prank

you want more

get your shit out of here

do you want me to call

swap shops

or something else

let me know

thank you

in the meantime I guess

get their shit out of here

yeah

dude yeah

I'm a big fan of those

been a while

those are the ones

I like to do on the weekends

or early in the day it's not so easy at night all right here we go a used hospital bed with

met with mattress and good condition i almost said with meat all right let's see if they answer

oh

god i just gotta get 20 minutes out and not shit my pants i can do it oh that's a lot that's

what i meant to do your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system is not

available marcia lobsters lobsters i was gonna tell you i'm not sure if you noticed this but on

On your YouTube, it says replay.

That's the Madhouse Radio.

I love it.

It's an actual live show.

I always forget something, man.

It is.

It's too late anyway.

Whatever.

Let it go.

Yeah.

I got to make a list, like a checklist, like a pre-flight checklist.

Because I keep adding more stuff to do, and I always forget something.

God damn it.

Thanks for letting me know, boy.

At least the internet hasn't dropped yet tonight.

That's good.

Looking up there.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Let me see how many people listen on Shoutcast during a show.

I don't know.

13 listeners on Shoutcast right now.

Good, good.

Thanks, guys.

Let's see how many are on YouTube.

The YouTube says, I don't care.

I don't know.

Does it show you how many people are on YouTube?

Can you look and see that?

Does that show you there?

Yeah, there is 31.

31.

Nice, nice.

Okay, and then Mixler.

You got a Mixler or LR.

uh it says to me 65 so we'll do the math there we got like 400 people listening awesome all right

cool thanks everyone someone donated a dollar nice thanks

oh cool we'd be in the money hey big catastrophe donated uh here thank you uh she says that

ashley is a is a man's is a boy's is a girl's name it is a girl's name yeah ashley's a girl's

name okay carlos pranks come on man move it move it i was changing the caller id here focus

okay we're back

this here is for a uh huge moving sale that was going on today let's see if i can make him an

off no never mind no phone number all right here's a black walnut rough cut planks for sale

did we were we buying wood last night did i dream that did we do

oh no that was a gordo now there was a prank call about buying wood

and i was gonna burn the bible did i dream that yeah hi i see you have a black walnut

rough clump planks for sale you you have black walnut uh planks for sale hurry up

i got some wood for you baby hello yeah hi i'm calling about the wood yeah all right what kind

you got how long are these they're six foot uh i gotta start measuring them today them i've got

maybe 26 foot the rest of them are 9 10 12 okay good okay all right all right well i wanted to

see if i could get some i have a i got okay dog i got a truck full of bibles that i'm trying to burn

like just the bible's out the truck hello jesus christ you heard me tell you homer's over here

oh my god homer what's wrong with you

all right i don't know what happened we lost dwight and we lost the fucking

the shit uh yeah he might have had to go he's got like 15 minutes left

maybe that's what it was

well very nice of him

to say that

before he cut off like that

I think maybe Homer

just has to drink some water

who cares

there's not any

in later message

god damn you

at the tone

please record your message

when you finish recording

you may hang up

or press 1

for more options

to leave a callback number

press 5

god damn you

eat my dick like food

if you're satisfied

with the message

you have pressed

an incorrect key

if you're satisfied

with the message

God damn you.

Eat my dick like food.

Nice.

I don't want to leave no callback.

God damn it.

Alright, this dog is driving me nuts.

Let me play a prank call real quick.

and hopefully come back for, like, five to ten minutes more of show, okay?

I'm going to play some prank calls.

Prank calls.

Give me a second.

Sorry, guys.

Got to take care of the dog.

How are you doing there, sir?

Hello?

Hello, sir.

Can you have a piece of paper?

I'm sorry, but we're closed.

No, can I make an order for pickup?

No, we're closed.

Do you have any paper, though?

Do you have paper there, though?

Yeah.

That was my question.

I didn't say that you insinuated I was going to ask for an order.

I mean, maybe I just wanted you to write some important information.

down you ready sure what's on the number four menu i'm the four yeah i'm number four number four

teriyaki pork teriyaki pork yeah is that low sodium or regular sodium teriyaki sauce i don't

know can you find out you had the bottle there does that stuff come does that stuff come frozen

from up north and they bring it down you heat it up like the sauces or do you make the sauce right

there and do you cut all those little pieces of ham yourself no so how do you does the ham come

The kitchen workers do it.

What?

The kitchen workers do it.

Oh, so you guys cut all the ham yourself, right?

Sure.

Mm-hmm.

I see.

And what makes the red sauce, you know, that red stuff?

Isn't that just like putting jelly on your food?

Yeah, I don't know, man.

It's kind of gay, right?

I mean, putting red stuff.

Why don't you just cover it in period blood, you disgusting shit?

These Chinese people are so nasty.

They're red in everything.

Flag's red.

The whole country's red.

Yeah.

Nasty period blood meat and food, and you mix it in your rice.

what's that about it's possible kind of fetish we'll put one of those japanese people on the

phone all right no i command you to put a japanese man on the phone

oh awesome thanks all right who needs psychic check when you got that guy around

sounded like the same thing to me i don't know crisis line may help you how are you doing

i'm good how can i help you i'm good do you folks offer solutions or you just offer referrals

We have referrals, but we don't.

We can't really offer.

I hear it.

It sounds like there's children.

It sounds like there's children in the background.

What kind of place is this?

Sir, can I help you?

Are there children in the background?

Sir, I'm in an office, and I'm watching the TV, so that's really not the relevance.

Can I help you with that?

I don't think so.

Are you one of those answering services where you answer from home, and you're, like, taking my information,

and there's children around looking at the information?

I heard a baby in the back going, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Crap is what does it to me.

that people like you

bring those stupid kids

to my job

you tell those

motherfuckers

in the fucking background

to shut the fuck up

and take down

my information

I'm the person

I am

why don't you call me

a motherfucker

you motherfucker

you do not call this

you do not call this line

and talk like that

as a matter of fact

don't call back again

you piece of trash

I've got your phone number

I've got your number

I've got two numbers

that you just called from

I'm going to report them

to the police

I'm blocking my number

you don't have my number

I'm blocking it, you stupid bitch.

I'm blocking it.

Yes, I do.

I've got two of them.

I have two of them.

Bullshit.

You called from one the first time and one from another.

You don't have to.

All right, I'm back.

I'm back.

Sorry, YouTube, you didn't get to hear that prank.

That was the best prank call of all time that I have done.

I'm going to have you fired.

I'm going to have you fired is the name of it.

I hope you guys enjoyed hearing that.

Yeah.

Anyway, shut up, Carlos.

Let's do a few more pranks.

Homer refuses to go out.

He wants to stay here with his dad.

That's me.

How cliche, right?

How Homer of him.

Let's put some MF to him.

And we've got about less than 10 minutes worth of show left here.

Dwight, if you need to kick me off, send me a message somewhere and let me know you're ready to go and I'll get off.

In the meantime, let's try to entertain you guys before my homie Dwight starts.

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

Bicho Grande.

Thank you to Walter Heimlich Maneuver for throwing a fiver for Homer.

For Dog Biscuit, stay classy, Homer.

Yeah, you hear that?

He's looking up.

You heard his name.

Huh?

Whoa?

Huh?

Like, yeah, you Homer.

You homeboy.

I'm surprised the Super Chats aren't showing up on the...

It's always something, guys, right?

The Super Chats won't show...

The Super Chat won't show up on the shit.

All right, look.

Gotta make sure I hit up and see if any more Super Chats came in before the show's over.

But thank you, Heimlich Maneuver.

Uh...

Swapper, shopper...

Well, actually, we did all the swap shops.

So...

I'll just go with this idea that I've been doing with the McDonald's.

Laughing at them for giving me free food.

That's all I got tonight, guys.

That's all I got left, rather.

Fucking ding timber, those in full effect.

Fuck yeah.

We're going to hold it down for Brad.

If you want to call in and troll me, 405-396-6884, 405-39-MOUTH.

You got a few minutes here to sneak in and say bad things.

We lost a patient, everyone.

Here's another Mickey D's.

I think last year my favorite ding timber call was the one I said to the lady that I was playing Frisbee with my dog.

And that's when the car got dinged.

And she's just like, why do you go to a parking lot to play with your dog, Frisbee?

Hey, Cameron, that's a girl's name.

Yeah, listen, I just want to let you know, I came through the drive-thru there a little bit ago.

Hello? Cameron? Cam-or-on.

He asked if there was anything he could do for me, and he left.

Fucking penis.

Cool, but that's a girl's name. I could say that about anything.

It is a girl's name. Cameron Diaz. Got him.

Yeah, Cameron just hung up the phone on me.

My name's Cross.

I just came through the drive-thru, and you guys missed up my order?

What are we going to do about this?

What are we going to do?

I don't know how your order was messed up.

Can you please inform me?

Yeah, I ordered a Big Mac, just a sandwich, with no lettuce.

What I received was three plain cheeseburgers, two quarter pounders with cheese, and two large fries.

And the girl gave me the food at the thing, and she didn't even take my money.

anything coming up in my yeah well i got a big bag of food here not exactly what it was that

had happened i didn't even get a receipt and i understand that i'm going through my orders in

my register yeah so i can get it reprinted well i'm trying to say i ended up with free food

like a lot of it okay okay so um i i want my big mac still though and i don't want to pay for it

by all means we can do that we just need you to bring that food in that you know

No, no, no, no.

I already ate half of it.

I ate half of it and I realized this is not a Big Mac.

You know, I was like, this is not a Big Mac.

You always got to bring the food back.

What are they going to do?

Throw it away?

Are they going to inspect it to see who made the mistake?

Are they going to run it through a spectrometer?

God damn it.

Got him.

Four minutes left.

About time for one more prank call.

Smith & Wesson, Zone 2, Fat Corolla.

What do you mean Zone 2?

You want me to call a security company called Cobra Security?

And hello, Zone 2.

Is that what you're trying to communicate?

Speak to him.

Be careful.

Say that stuff.

Please.

Don't just yell, Zone 2.

Or are you just saying Zone 2?

I know.

It was funny.

Zone 2 was funny.

Hell yeah.

Okay, good.

I gave three options there, and you say, hell yeah.

All right, brother.

All right, man.

Thanks.

Thanks, man.

Big hug.

If you were here, I'd give you a hug.

Go to Chicago.

I'll give you a hug, man.

I'll buy you a beer with money that people gave me because I'm broke and I'm fat.

Wendy's.

Home of the Whopper.

Hey, man.

I didn't mean to be rude.

i'm sorry brother thanks smith and wesson or sister if you're late which is okay you can be

late i'm just joking man hello ignorant yeah listen i uh just came from the drive-thru and

i got a completely wrong order it's not what i asked for what did you order i well i got a

baconator and a fries and a diet coke that's what i got that's not what i ordered so what did you

order i ordered a i what i ordered was a whopper with cheese and bacon uh we don't do whoppers

then you went to the wrong place no but no one said that she said yeah sure no problem go ahead

well i don't i don't want this garbage i don't want all this bacon and ketchup and what is this

a t-mobile's calling you hello hello i'm sorry we don't have they did give me the wrong order

right if i order something they gave me something else fucking doom now that's a game right remember

Remember Doom?

Remember in Doom, the original Doom?

If you're my age, if you're Carlito Cross's age, you couldn't aim up or down.

You had to jump to shoot something in the distance, right?

Isn't that how it was?

Or you couldn't even jump either.

You couldn't jump in Doom.

Man, we've come a long way, huh?

Now you can fucking fly a helicopter or someone.

I don't know who to call in India, man.

We're out of time anyway, bro.

We're out of time.

Dwight McClanahan's starting.

Let's go ahead and get this out of here.

All right, everyone. Thanks for tuning in. Dwight McClanahan is joining here in a few minutes, in a few seconds maybe. Be sure to head over to madhouselive.com.

One last time, if you want to help me make it to Chicago without breaking the bank, throw me a couple bucks or you can make a donation at paypal.me forward slash DwightPCN and be sure to put Big Carlito or something like that in the message so that he knows it's for me.

you can also go to try it doesn't work that well i guess i'm sorry guys you can try madhouse live.com

slash donate madhouse live.com slash donate but right now it looks like the contender if you

want to do it is paypal.me slash dwightpcn thanks again dwight for doing that thanks

everyone who's donated you guys are awesome you guys rock yeah um i want to thank everyone who

donated super chat machines today i think there were a couple in there i can't see them but

But, shit, I got to go.

I got to go.

I can't wait anymore.

I'm sorry.

Thanks, everyone, who has donated tonight.

I don't have full tallies in front of me.

But I'll be sure to thank you all very shortly, very shortly.

Y'all have a good night.

Stay tuned for Dwight McClanahan on Prank Call Nation.

You should be joining also.

God damn it.

That’s a Girl’s Name – 9/8/18 Show

Calls (16, 30 min of 1 h 19 min)

Transcript

Comments 0