International Telephone Business Machines – Pilot
30 Sep 2018 · 35 min · 5,624 words · source
Calls (8, 30 min of 35 min)
- Caesars Atlantic City casino food request live 2.6 min clip ↓
- Hard Rock Atlantic City casino machine issue live 5.1 min clip ↓
- Bally's Atlantic City front desk dog in room live 7.0 min clip ↓
- Crocs store complaint about shoes live 2.8 min clip ↓
- Store employee argues about fat woman clothing live 2.7 min clip ↓
- Customer debates hat spelling with Seamus live 2.6 min clip ↓
- Customer tries to return purse from fake Coach store live 1.5 min clip ↓
- Customer argues return policy with Michael Kors manager live 5.8 min clip ↓
Transcript
Hello, calls are being screened by Smart Call Blocker.
Please say your name and...
My name is Penis.
Please wait a moment while your call is connected.
Hey, everybody.
I'm Carlito, and this is my first attempt with this new podcast that I've been promising for a few weeks now.
It's for horse Patreon members usually, but the first few will be...
It's a free preview for you all.
See if you like it, and while I fine-tune it and get it down to the product that I want it to be,
I want it to be different than Madhouse Radio, which of course will continue.
This should be a more tighter, more focused.
I have a few ideas for the way this can go.
So I still need to get a proper intro and a proper outro for the show.
But for the time being, we'll go with what we got.
So let's do some prank calls.
This is episode one of this is episode one of International Telephone Business Machines.
And that's a working title.
If you have any better idea for that, let me know.
Drop me an email at madhouseradio at gmail.com.
And I'll get right on that.
I promise.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll get right on that.
I'm calling Atlantic City Caesars.
Hey.
Hello.
My name is Johnny.
Hello.
Hello.
God damn.
Is this the Caesars?
This is Caesars Atlantic City, sir.
How can I help you?
Well, I'm here playing.
I'm at the casino.
And I'm supposed to get free sandwiches and coffee for playing.
Did you want me to connect you to the VIP lounge?
Well, don't they bring that stuff out to you when you're playing?
I can't get that answer.
Just a moment.
How do you not know?
Total rewards.
Elfman Lounge at the University of Atlantic City.
This menu is for Sunday, September 30th.
Today's hours are 12 to 7.30.
Thank you for calling Cesar's Atlantic City.
Hey, stupid.
How can I help?
Hey, stupid.
Hello?
Hello?
Thank you for calling Cesar's Atlantic City.
My name is Savannah.
How can I help you call?
Hi, Savannah.
Vanna. I'm calling because I
hear I'm gambling, okay?
And I'm supposed to get free sandwiches and coffee
while I'm gambling. Okay, so
are you at the table gambling as of now?
I'm at the machine. Correct.
Are you a Diamond member, sir?
What do you mean? Or a 7-star? As far as
I know, I'm allowed to get sandwiches and
coffee when I'm playing. Correct.
I'm not sure if they bring it to you while you're
playing, though. I think you have to... Why are you the
second... Why are you the second
ignorant woman that doesn't know how the
casino works that I talk to?
I can connect your call to someone on the property.
I do apologize, sir.
I'm the operator.
I can't see your call to the person.
Shut up, ignorant.
Can you...
Go ahead, what?
I'm sorry, sir.
I do apologize, but I would have to ask you not to use that type of language while we're on the line.
All right, shut up, please.
I can't ever assist you.
Please, shut up.
Okay, sir, I will have to disconnect the call.
No, I'm just saying please.
I said please.
What's the matter?
Please.
Okay, can you put me through to a man in a suit?
I can...
I'd be happy to connect your call with someone on the property.
Let's go.
All right, that's nice, honey.
Thank you.
Bye.
The world doesn't know how to do things.
The world's first ever Nobu Hotel is open at 6 o'clock.
A sushi hotel.
Thank you for holding, sir.
Connecting call over now.
Thanks for choosing Caesars.
Have a great day.
Bye, stupid.
Enjoy your sandwich.
Bye.
The customer relations office is currently closed.
Our hours of operation are Monday through Friday.
Thank you for choosing Caesars Atlantic City.
Listen, I don't want to go through.
I don't want to keep going through this.
You're the third woman that I talked to.
Do you know how to use the phone, honey?
Call me at director call, sir.
I need to talk to a pit boss or a man with a suit.
And every time I keep getting a girl, a woman, who doesn't know what to do and puts me through to a voicemail line.
So do you know how to get somebody in particular that you're looking for?
I need to make a complaint, and I'm on the machine right now.
And I need to talk to a person.
You know what that means, honey?
So you would like to speak with a slot supervisor?
A real person, yeah.
A slot supervisor.
And I don't mean woman.
I'd be more than happy to transfer you to a slot supervisor.
Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Hurry up.
Thank you very much for choosing Caesars Atlantic City.
You have a wonderful day.
Transfer now to a slot supervisor.
Yeah, right.
Total rewards allows you to earn the experiences you...
Hello?
Thanks for calling Hard Rock Hotel and Casino Atlantic City.
Shut up.
My name is Barbie, your operator.
How may I direct your call?
Yeah, Big Barbie.
Listen, I need to talk to a man in a suit, a pit boss or something.
A man in a suit?
Someone with the gambling, a man that knows how gambling and numbers work.
Okay, and who do I have the pleasure of speaking with?
My name is Don.
I am a gambler.
Okay, Don.
We generally don't transfer to our casino floor.
Well, I got a fucking complaint.
Excuse me?
I have a fucking complaint.
Sir, please don't curse.
That's not that big of a curse.
I'm sorry.
I'll take it back.
Well, it is.
That's okay.
That's okay.
I have a effing complaint.
Okay.
C-word.
Got it.
Regarding a particular game, a particular...
Well, because as far as I understand, I'm supposed to be able to get food and drink while I'm on the casino.
You're supposed to be able to get food and drinks while you're at the casino.
The women are supposed to come over and offer me a sandwich and coffee.
Okay, and you're saying that there's no cocktail waitresses coming up to you?
Well, I'm trying to get her attention, and she's all,
da-da, I'm a girl, you know?
I don't know, I'm ignorant.
So can I just put my order in?
Okay, I'm not room service, I'm your hotel operator.
What pit are you in, or where are you at?
And I'll make sure that I get cocktails over to you.
Shut up.
The burden of proof is on the state.
I'm on front of the main machine.
You're in front of the main machine.
Yes.
Why do you make that noise again?
I'm adjusting my headset for you, sir.
No, it was your mouth made it.
Your mouth made it.
You went, uh, like that.
No, sir.
And all our calls are monitored and recorded, Don.
So what?
So what?
So I'm just trying to see so that we can get someone over to bring you something.
Okay.
So I'm in front of the machine.
It has a lever.
It has the things that spin.
It goes bing bing.
I'm in.
Okay, Don.
Maybe this will help you.
Maybe I can get you over to security and then they can send over a cocktail waitress to you.
Yeah, because you're ignorant, you know?
So go ahead and do that.
Is it a man in security?
It's men, right?
Sir, there's no reason to talk like that.
Like what?
What? I'm not being racist. You said don't be racist.
And there's no reason to call me ignorant either.
Well, that's not racist. That's an observation on your intelligence.
Well, unfortunately, you're not pretty much pinpointing where you're at.
Shut up, please. Shut up, please.
In front of, excuse me?
I said, please.
What I'm saying, you not understanding ignorant, the word, shows you're ignorant.
Oh, I completely understand it, Don.
Go ahead. What does it mean? Tell me.
me um you're in front of a machine that has a lever which we have about 1200 of them and the
lights and the lights i am i'm i'm not able to pinpoint exactly where you're located to and
get you over to a cocktail waitress so you're saying you're ignorant about the situation right
you're claiming ignorance about the situation ma'am i'm not trying to say anything contoured
i'm just stating a fact you are ignorant towards the situation as far as what machine i'm in front
of right whether it's your fault or mine allow me to get allow me to get you over to hurry up
that's what i'm waiting for you're calling hard rock Atlantic City my name is Tisha may i help
you today yeah hi hi i mean i hope you the machine does not go the machine does not go and which
machine are you talking about particularly uh the main machine are you on the casino floor sir
yeah i'm far from home okay and who would you like me to direct you to sir uh someone to make
Make someone to make us go?
Talking to Hard Rock Atlantic City Casino.
You said to make someone to go?
I need someone to make the machine go.
Okay, give me a moment.
I play for things.
Hello?
Gerty.
Hi.
Gerty.
Hi, yeah.
I was waiting for that sandwich.
Excuse me?
I was waiting for that sandwich.
The cocktail waitress is supposed to bring me sandwich.
They bring drinks, not sandwiches.
Well, then the drink.
Where is she?
I want a drink.
I'm going to make an order.
I want one coffee machine.
Um, they should be walking around the floor.
They're taking too long.
Okay.
Alright, they're taking too fucking long.
They're just taking too-
Where are you?
I'm in front of the machine.
Okay, what's the machine?
The, it has the lights on the top, the faces come up, and it has three buttons, and the
lever that you pull down when you put the card in to make it go.
Okay, that's all the machines.
On the top left corner of your machine, there should be a letter and number.
Okay.
What is it?
It says N-J-G-A-M-I-N-G-C-O-M-I-S-S.
Hello?
We're calling Bally's Atlantic City.
We're choosing Bally's Atlantic City.
Operator Candace, I'm your director of call.
Hi.
Hello.
Hi.
Yes.
Hi.
I was calling.
Hello.
I was calling.
Yes.
How may I help you?
Okay.
Well, let me go ahead and connect you to the slot.
Is there anything else I can help you with today, Mr. Peckler?
No, no.
Well, thank you for choosing Bally's Atlantic City.
Transferring now to slots.
Okay.
Then you have a great day.
One moment, please.
Thank you.
Stupid.
And today, to earn one reward credit for...
Bless you, Homer.
Please listen carefully to the following list of options.
Thank you for calling Bally's Atlantic City.
Thank you for calling Bally's Atlantic City.
This is operator Ebony.
Thank you.
Yeah, there's a dog in here.
In your room?
Yeah.
Okay.
Let me get you in line with the front desk, okay?
Why?
Why is there a dog in here?
I'm not sure why there's a dog in your room.
They may have actually double booked your room.
Why are you people ignorant?
Why are you people so ignorant?
This is the operator, sir.
I do apologize.
I'm not sure what's going on with your room.
Shut up.
Shut up.
You stupid fucking dog.
Sir.
Hey, shut up.
Hold on for a second, okay, sir?
He won't shut up.
Okay, may I please turn on a brief hold?
Hurry up.
Yeah, do you want to make an order?
Yes, what do you need?
Okay, one her.
Tell me.
Her.
Tell me.
Her.
Her.
Sorry.
I don't understand.
Is there a man I can talk to?
Tell me.
Is there a man I can talk to?
A man?
Hombre?
Hombre?
What do you need?
One her.
One second.
Hello.
Can I help you?
I want to make order.
Yes.
One her.
Yes.
One what?
Her.
One burrito?
No, one.
Excuse me, are you sure this order?
Yeah, this is El Tecua, El Tacuaiti.
Yes.
Okay, so I need one order.
One order.
Okay, you want chicken, beef, or shrimp?
No.
I don't know that's because I don't oh help oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god
hello yeah yeah I want to make an order yeah yeah what do you like
No, I don't know.
I don't understand what you mean.
Rero?
Motherfucker, chingas a tu puta madre, hijo de puta.
Why are you not taking orders, stupid?
Come on.
Customer service, this is Drew.
How can I direct your call?
Call him to see if you got something there.
What department do you need?
Hunting, camping, fishing?
I mean, I don't know what really applies.
Lies.
Because it's kind of like hunting while you're on a boat for fish.
What would the item be, sir?
One hurr.
Well, that's really clever.
You can't do better than that.
Hurr.
Hit me one more time.
Hurr.
Hurr.
A little faster.
Shut up, you stupid ignorant.
A little faster.
You're a stupid ignorant.
Come on.
A little faster.
No, you shut up.
You shut up.
Come on, you can do better than that.
No, shut up.
Put your mom on the phone.
Come on, you can do better.
Call your mom after this call and tell her how brilliant you are.
Wow, that's so good.
Yeah.
That's so good, bro.
Yeah.
Yeah, have you checked your stock price lately?
Oh, yeah, oh, oh, oh, stocks, well, we're privately owned, so there are no stocks.
Maybe I'll call your mom later, huh?
Don't, come on, don't call back, all right?
Yeah, that's the best now, right?
I was supposed to block that number.
How'd you get that?
Oh, really?
Oh, no, you didn't.
I guess I have your name, too, huh?
Oh, shit.
What's my name?
Does it really come up there?
It's okay, though.
It was fun talking to you, though.
Please don't, please don't.
Can you transfer me to fishing?
No, I can't.
Okay, how was the bathrooms there?
Are the dividers metal?
They're fantastic
What would you prefer?
Whatever your head would go through the best
Oh, my head? Yeah, I think so, buddy
What would the best thing for me to shove your head through would be?
Boy, you are really good at this, huh?
I've been doing this for a while
You've got to be better than this
Alright, what do you suggest?
Hit me with your best job
Shut up, let me talk
I'm very unsuccessful at prank calls, you say
So what should I do to make it better?
I don't know, anything better than this
What was your name?
Thank you for calling Converse Atlantic City.
Yeah, I'm calling from the Bass Pro Shops next door.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, you need to get your shit out of here.
What's up?
We got a fucking delivery here with your shit.
I got a box full of Converse shoes.
Okay, small please.
Well, no, fuck that, all right?
Because I work here at the front desk, and you got to...
Thanks for on the Crocs to walk, Vanessa.
How can I help you?
Yeah, I have a complaint to make about these shoes.
Did you buy them here?
Yeah, I bought them at the Crocs store.
Here in Atlantic City?
Yes.
I'm staying here.
here hello ignorant uh i'm sorry i'm not being ignorant i'm just trying to verify if you bought
them from here well you're being ignorant about the situation right because you don't know the
facts you're ignorant about the situation i'm asking you sir i wasn't coming at you any type
of way i'm just asking you oh i know i'm i'm not coming i'm not coming at you any type of way
either i just i'm stating a fact no but you just call me ignorant so that's rude of you to call me
ignorant but do you know what the word we know what ignorance means it just means that you know
you're not familiar with all the facts that's all i'm trying to say okay but you just said i'm
going to make a complaint about these shoes i bought and i'm just asking you to see where you
bought them from and you were straight to call me ignorant but why would i call you if i didn't get
them there i don't understand because some people tend to confuse our stores with the one in gloucester
that's why no that's not what's going on okay see so now you're not now you're not ignorant about it
anymore isn't that great now you know the facts anyways sir if you have a complaint about anyways
Anyways isn't a word.
Okay, sir.
If you have a complaint with us, you will have to call corporate.
Can I at least tell you what the complaint is?
Maybe it's something you can help me out on the phone.
I won't have to bother you people again.
What is it, sir?
The Crocs shoes, they taste like sex toys.
Excuse me?
The Crocs shoes taste like sex toys.
Like, my wife put them in my mouth, you know?
Okay.
Because I was drinking champagne out of them.
Her idea, not mine.
So you're saying that the Crocs shoes taste like sex toys?
Yeah.
And I wasn't expecting, because that triggers me, that taste, you know?
Okay.
So, unfortunately, I can't help you with that.
If you're trying to return them or exchange them, you have to go through corporate.
Well, I mean, I can't return them now.
They've had champagne in them.
They've been worn.
They've had semen on them and blood and stuff.
I mean, would you accept these still?
So, unfortunately, not.
If they're worn and they have all of that, we cannot take them back.
Vomit.
So, what do you need?
need what are you um trying to get out of uh this well i mean an explanation an apology uh maybe a
letter and i what i'm most concerned with is i don't want this to happen to anyone ever again
it's not about me so unfortunately i don't know um so shoes are meant to be worn not to be put in
the mouth so if they taste like um i don't know how sex toys taste but oh come on yeah you do
Yeah, you do.
Okay, now that's an insult right there because you're directing that I use sex toys.
Well, you know what latex tastes like, right?
No, I don't, sir.
I'm sorry.
So you get blowjobs without a condom?
Wow.
That is very disrespectful being as though that I'm a lesbian.
So I am, you know, I don't do that.
Okay, now, honey, let me tell you, if you're giving oral sex to a woman, you're just as likely to get hepatitis, herpes.
You should be using a dental dam or a condom.
I know that, sir, but I've been with my fiancé for five years, so I know where her body's at.
Yeah, but the herpes simplex virus can remain dormant for up to seven to ten years.
I'm taking care of my health. Don't worry about it.
Do you have any cold sores? Because I saw you. You had like a cold sore or something. Maybe you do have, you know.
No, sir, you're confusing me because I haven't been here for—I just came back from vacation.
Right, that's what—you're probably confusing me.
Yeah, where'd you go?
anyway where'd you go what where'd you go on your lesbian vacation fire island okay you're very
you're being very disrespectful so at this point i will have to hang up the phone okay bye tuna
tuna girl bye tuna girl bye tuna girl hello hi can i help you sir yeah i just uh missed a phone
call from this number no you have the wrong number is this crocs you have the wrong number
sir you called me you didn't say anything why are you prank calling i just needed to save your
your number for my security purposes well i don't give you permission to do that you need to delete
that right now i didn't sign a privacy statement for you to save my information i'm only blocking
your number being as though everything you just said to me and it was recorded yeah but you you
yeah well you can't make a record for your security purposes of my number i need you to delete that
immediately it's on the caller id sir your number comes up on the caller id yeah well delete it you
You can delete that right now because you did not give me a third-party privacy statement to sign.
It's on the store phone, sir.
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
Your number will be blocked.
I know the law.
You won't have to go to our store anymore.
Bye-bye.
Listen, I know karate.
Great day, chicas.
Marie speaking.
Yeah, hi.
This is that place with the douchey career wear?
Yeah.
Okay, do you have clothing for fat women?
I have clothing for all women.
Yeah, but like fat women, though.
We don't use that F word.
Well, what word do you use for it?
We use it for all women.
That's what we serve.
Yeah, but not all women are like this.
This is a fat woman.
We go from size small to size extra large.
Okay, where would BBW fall under then?
Is that the term you use?
I'm not sure what that term is.
Well, look in the mirror and tell me.
I don't know what that term is.
Are you eating right now and you're arguing this with me?
Oh, I'm not arguing anything.
You're eating.
You're disgusting.
What are you?
Is there anything else I can help you with?
How tall are you and how much do you weigh?
She can't even stop eating to answer the phone at work.
Jeez.
Hello, it's on a walk.
This is Seamus speaking.
How can I help you?
What was your name?
Seamus?
Yeah, Seamus.
Seamus.
That's a boy's name.
That's a girl's name.
Okay, whatever.
Don't be like that.
My name is Seamus.
Seamus.
No, Seana.
Seana?
Yes.
Okay, that's very nice.
Good for you.
Right.
What do you need?
Misindividuality over here.
uh speak speaking of which i need to see what the rules are for getting stuff stitched on the hats
anything we can't do anything licensed um and we can't do anything derogatory okay well can you
can you make a hat this is mikey m-i-k-e okay but no n you said well yeah you said mikey am i
just the word mikey yeah but i don't want it to say mike i want it to say mikey if it's mike
Mike, M-I-K-E, unfortunately, it's more than likely they're going to pronounce it Mike.
It doesn't matter how many times you, like, how you pronounce it.
Well, when you put it in, I want to make sure when people read it, they see Mikey, not Mike.
They're not going to see Mikey.
They're going to see Mike.
Is there another way?
Unless you want Mike E separate, but then if it's M-I-K and then separate, it's going to be Mick and E.
That's the way they spell that name.
I don't know how you pronounce it.
it do you have that um do you have the uh the e the spicky with the line that goes over it okay
all right the so m-i-k spicky you talk about the e with the line on top of it yeah the one the
spicky yeah we can do that okay they're probably still gonna pronounce it mike but no they're gonna
say mikey okay all right can you that's definitely not mikey if they're talking about mikey well
that's not that sounds kind of fruity i don't that's something i'm looking for but if you if
If you want that on top, it depends on who usually pronounces it that way.
That's how they're going to pronounce it.
All right.
Can you put fat girl instead?
Well, fat girl, I don't know who's going to wear a hat that has fat girl on it.
What's your name?
My name is Shayna.
Can you put Shayna equals fat girl?
I'm not fat, though.
That's the thing.
Yeah, but we're just starting a rumor.
No, but everybody who knows me knows I'm fat.
I'm actually super, super skinny.
Well, how tall are you?
How tall are you?
I'm average height.
Average like what?
You're like 5'4"?
That is average.
No, I'm taller than that.
All right, like 5'6"?
Yeah.
All right, and how much do you weigh?
I weigh like 120 pounds.
Oh, you could lose a little bit then.
I know, right?
Yeah.
I guess I could.
People keep telling me I need to gain weight, so I don't know.
No, you should lose a little bit, I think.
Okay.
Okay?
All right.
You could try an enema also.
It might help out.
Have a good day, honey.
All right, bye, honey.
No, she enjoyed that.
That's nice.
Hey, Fruity.
I was calling.
If I made a purchase at one of your other locations, what are the rules as far as returning
turning it you have 30 days to bring it back to any coach outlet okay does all right so i bought a
purse at your canal street location from an asian lady we don't have a store well she said coach
like that she showed it to me it was in the store from a store well yeah i've got all the papers it
has like this little like this little felt from an actual it's from a store yeah it's from the
store yeah she said i asked her what did she say this is the coach store she said like that she
She said, come in.
She said, you buy now.
She's like, you buy now.
Yeah, we don't have any stores on Canal Street.
Listen, I paid $30 for this, and it's the wrong one, and my wife's going to kill me.
It's supposed to be our anniversary.
We're here in Atlantic City.
Yeah, unfortunately, unless you bought it from a coach store, you can't bring it.
There's no store on Canal Street.
Is there a woman I can talk to who might understand what's going on here?
I'm one of the managers, so unless the receipt you have.
Oh, but a woman.
That's nice, honey.
Go ahead and put a woman on, please, okay?
They're going to tell you the same thing.
But I'll just, I'll talk to a woman who knows how this works.
Okay.
You don't understand how the return works?
I don't think you understand the situation.
I went to your Canal Street location in Chinatown, and I bought this for my wife.
I spent $30 plus tax.
It was originally $40.
When I tried to leave, she said $30.
And I said, great.
We don't have a Canal Street store.
Well, then how did I get the bag?
I don't understand.
I'm sure you bought it, but it wasn't from a Coach store.
It says right here, Coach.
coach i understand it says c-o-u-c-h right it has a picture spell hmm you can't spell
well it's french right it's american well yeah but i mean these are all like i thought
givenchy was givenchy this whole time right i almost bought the wrong perfume for her
luckily that's terrible yeah i know but this is coach bag and i need to return this
good evening thank you for calling michael kors this is rebecca speaking how can i help you
Yeah, I have a bit of a situation. So it's my 20th wedding anniversary dinner tonight, and my wife asked specifically what to get, and we're staying here in town. So what's your return policy? Because apparently I got the wrong bag, and she's really upset. The first thing she did when she saw it was she started crying and threw it at me, and she said it's the wrong one, the wrong one.
so if sorry about that guys it's 30 days for a full refund unless it's a clearance item and
clearance items are final style but that would be on your receipt and they would have told you at
the register but i bought this in new york city oh you bought in new york city i thought you bought
it down here if it was bought at a retail store i can't take it back at an outlet well i bought it
at your canal street location if it's in the city it's a retail store it's not outlet well no but
it's a canal it's not it wasn't a retail store the street well i went to your canal street
uh location the lady the uh there's like a group of asian ladies here that have a like a they said
that they were affiliated it's not an outlet store we can't take it back that's not fair
where can i go then you have to take it back to where you got it so you're saying i'm stuck with
this 35 purse that i bought for my wife now that she doesn't want oh yes i'm sorry you are that's
fucking you're ignorant you know that i'm so sorry i hope you have a good day thank you i hope you
you don't i hope you get a flat tire this is a thing you don't understand okay i was on canal
street do you know where that is no sir i'm not familiar with that area you're ignorant you can't
speak to your manager i am the manager oh well that's part of the problem i think well sir it's
no need to be rude or disrespectful i'm trying to help you out as best as i can i'm just being
being frank okay well it's no need to be frank i'm trying to help you out so you know help me
help you okay well i have i'm starting to have a feeling that this is like a hot bag you know
what i mean hot bag yeah i'm not familiar with that like it's not completely like you know fell
off a truck or something you know i mean i'm not sure about that but the only thing that we can do
for you here. How much are the purses here? How much are the purses where? Your store. How much
do they go for? They range different prices. It depends on which one you want. Oh, God. What's
an average price? I'm not sure. With the discount, maybe $150. It could be less. It could be more.
Or whatever. I'm trying to tell you that it's a $35 purse. Wouldn't that raise an alarm? But you
could have gotten a coupon. I'm not sure. I don't know where you purchased it, so I don't have any
information about where you purchased it. All I can give you is information about our store.
You know how you spell coupon? Coupon is C-O-U-P-O-N. The U means that you have to say
coupon, not coupon, because that would be C-O-O-P-O-N, you know?
Sir, is there anything else that I can do for you?
Well, I'm just, you know, I'm just trying to help you out with your ignorance about the situation
to see if you can help me.
Ignorance is unknown.
Ignorance is unknown. Very good. Good, honey. Very good. That's good. You know that.
Sir, I have another customer in front of me.
If you would like to stop in the store to try to do an exchange, you're welcome to.
We're here until 7 o'clock.
All right, well, I'm bringing a fake bag, and I wanted to exchange for a real one.
Well...
It's a counterfeit bag, you stupid.
I have nothing to do with that.
We don't take back counterfeit merchandise.
Well, there's how you're going to know.
How are you going to know?
Because you would have a receipt.
Well, I do have a receipt.
That's what I'm saying.
Should I have a handwritten receipt?
Okay, if you have your receipt, you can bring your receipt in store.
We're here until 7 o'clock.
So I have you guaranteeing that now on tape, brass tacks, that if I have a receipt, I will...
If you have a Kate Spade receipt, yes, you can bring it back.
This is a receipt for a Kate Spade bag, yes.
All right, I have you on tape saying that. Thank you.
And it'll have the store's information on it.
All right, okay. Yes, it's sure. Sure, honey.
Okay. Good night, sir. We'll see you soon.
Bye-bye.
We're here on 07.
Bye. What was your name?
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