I’m Not Looking for a Dishwasher

Are you fucking kidding me?

Are you okay?

You keep interrupting me.

Yeah.

Who, you, motherfucker?

No, you, motherfucker.

No, you.

I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live.

I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito.

That's my big amigo.

So just kick back to listen to this cat call.

People, when this show goes live, I'll be like, damn, this shit's bitchin'.

Stop whatever I'm doing to tune in and listen.

You can catch me in the back of his home.

At Horse Machine Ranch Road

I'm busting mad fat flows

For assholes and banchos

Must be crazy

Shout out to Big Amy

That's nice honey baby

We kissing pussy

So ladies such a labor

It's crazy

Have the stuff

That my bruh might say to ya

Face it cuz

It's the number one prank cast

Stay back

If you can't handle

All the straight laughs

That we hand to your dome

And if you want

Call the number

You can listen to this show

On the go

Big up

To the man in the madhouse

Show love

Stick your motherfucking hands up

Some come close

But they can't get it right

Let the king do his thing

It's time for Madhouse Live

Big up to the man in the madhouse

You heard about what's going on in there?

Heard a lot of bullshit talk, I know that much

This isn't bullshit, my friend

Do you know something?

Don't listen to me

What do you know?

Maybe I do and maybe I don't

What I say is they got no business negotiating

We ought to be going back in there with a bullet for everybody in the yard

Oh, is that right?

We do it now, we do it later

Later ain't gonna be no use

Am I right, Al?

Now wait, wait, wait a minute, Frank

we got a lot of angry guys in there black muslims panthers young lords besides you

average anti-social we gotta go in right clean the clocks ladies and gentlemen this is

hey what's going on big girl how you doing i have a complaint to make uh you know the black

guy that works there well he um he farted in his hand and he smelled it when i was parking

he did what he farted in his hand and he smelled it he thought no one was looking

you gotta be kidding me no really like i was gonna go there and eat and hello oh come on

that is totally believable she sounded like she was believable yeah they never farts in their

hands and smells at the waffle house guys good evening i'm carlito i'm the host of madhouse

live radio matt you know i've never clarified what the real title of the show is it's madhouse

radio um but then i went and took out madhouse live.com as the url the domain name for the show

i think it works out i stink so hope you're having a great week i've been kind of sick

contemplated not doing a show tonight but i have i got you know investors patreon investors and i

have to i'm forced to i have no alternative no choice sorry the uh podcast came out so late but

it did come out this morning last night this morning uh prank hello hardies yeah listen i

I just pulled in.

I was going to get some food there.

I was going to get, like, one of them sandwiches, the roast beef.

Yeah, we don't have that here.

Okay, but you have the burgers, though, right?

We have burgers, yeah.

Okay, all right.

What's the matter?

Why do I sense, like, you're kind of upset or something?

I'm not.

We don't have roast beef sandwiches here.

Okay, can we move on from that?

Of course.

Okay, so I ended up just going down the street to the Waffle House instead

because I saw something very disgusting in the parking lot.

Okay, what did you see in the parking lot?

One of your guys, I'm guessing he works for the kitchen,

he farted in his hand and he smelled it.

He thought no one was looking.

okay i heard you say it was a prank call when you first called so what do you mean you heard

me say it was a prank call you i said that it was a prank call i said it was a prank call like i

called none of my none of my kitchen people are on break right well this one on break but he's not

even on the floor he just farted on his hand and he smelled it outside okay all right so he needs

to wash his hands okay all right go tell him to wash his hands i'll wait um um you can call back

later or you can come here and order your food no i ain't going there motherfucker you whatever

did i say did she hear that said prank calls because i called hardy's not waffle house that

time it's called a mcdonald's instead what was i talking about i don't know probably about how

this is a prank call show she heard me say that it was a prank call earlier woman be making up

shit trying to get out of work you know hey yeah listen i was gonna order something there but

there one of your people was out back and he farted in his hand and he smelled it hello what

the fuck hello command you to listen stupid i almost had a job at this particular mcdonald's

when i was a teenager why did you hang up why did you hang up so i have your your name and

phone number on caller you don't have shit but what did i say i didn't say shit to you stupid

fucking shit why is all the music's all skipping now why stop it man this is confusing confusing

shit show why what did i say tell me what did i say you can't tell me she can't tell me what did

did i say exactly asshole dude i got all right so parkman sent numbers this week and one of them

sounds amazing i don't want to give out what it is it says that they don't start till eight so

i'm gonna wait a little bit for it but if this works out this is amazing and they have a lot

to explain a lot to explain real quick i mentioned earlier madhouse live.com is the website you can

head over there and check out my links for tuning in and subscribing we have a shout i have a

shoutcast broadcast stream i guess you call it that broadcast the best well actually broadcast

all the shows the whole library madhouse radio and 24 7 365 it's a free service to you you can

listen there on the website you can also use tune in radio i believe you can use stitcher also

there's links all over there but all your major internet radio streaming apps for your mobile

or home devices your amazon devices etc you can use those instructions are there

you can also check out youtube where the same stream plays over youtube so if you'd rather use

that you can check out the youtube channel madhouse radio on youtube and be sure to follow

my social media links over there for twitter and facebook i'm at madhouse on twitter madhouse on

twitter if you would kindly like to donate patreon.com slash madhouse that's patreon.com

slash madhouse one dollar a month gets you militia membership so you can get access to the instant

instant showreel that's a dropbox folder you can use your dropbox account to get copies of shows

as soon as they've finished airing so for example tonight's show that i'm doing right now as soon as

it's over it'll be uploaded automatically there so if you missed it or if you want to hear it again

you don't have to wait for it to be edited because like for example this week's madhouse radio show

for our last weeks didn't make it until less than 24 hours ago in edited form to the masses you

You could have had that all week.

If you decide you can, you can go up a little more than that,

become a horse member.

$5 gets you horse member membership, member membership,

which also gets you access to the Discord channel

where no one has talked for two days.

Thank you for that, guys.

Thank you, Discord channel.

And you also get access to International Telephone Business Machines.

That's my second podcast.

It is a streamlined 30- to 45-minute podcast

Podcasts with just exclusive prank calls that do not occur on Madhouse Live.

Yeah, so none of the topical talking and the callers calling in and all that stuff

is pretty much me just opening the mic and doing some prank calls.

Putting the good ones together and releasing them for you.

A new episode of that will be uploaded here, should be by this weekend.

It's going to be free for all still because I'm just starting it out.

Free for all.

Everyone will be able to enjoy that.

Okay.

um other than that i mean there's other stuff there just madhouse live.com you know i'll get

to some more things later oh if you want to call in you can i have an incoming call uh caller line

405-3966-884 that's 405 39 mouth join the show call in compliment me insult me stroke my ego or

strike it down and maybe if you want you can do a prank call with me hooray it'll be so much fun

All right.

This is the Peace Over Violence Organization.

Let's see if they pick up.

Yeah, Peace Over Violence Organization, right?

Yeah, yeah, I need some assistance.

Thank you.

Hey, what's your name?

Hi, my name's Kelsey.

Hey, Big Kelsey.

Thank you for taking my call.

Absolutely.

Okay.

Did you have a script to read or something to start with?

just here to listen and support you whenever you're ready to talk okay all right well i'm

calling because i'm trying to see if you guys will kind of help me out i uh i need a letter

written because my high school girlfriend uh got me fired from work at the mcdonald's

she called them and told them that i was a bad boyfriend and i'm trying to see if maybe i can

I mean, get a letter of recommendation or a retraction or something?

We don't do those types of letters.

The only letters that Peace Over Violence offers are letters for clients that are receiving services through us

to just confirm that they are receiving those services, whether it's case management or counseling.

Yeah, but, I mean, aren't they going to have a full report about what's going on, like with my case?

Yeah. I've never come across this situation before, so honestly I'm not quite sure where you might go about getting one of those letters. Obviously you might be able to hire legal representation, but beyond that I'm not sure what your options are.

Because I know for at least service agencies like Peace Over Violence, it wouldn't be possible to get a letter like that from them.

See, I'm not 100% sure I understand why it wouldn't be.

I mean, it's kind of like, you know, you do letters, right?

They explain.

Yes, but only for clients that are receiving services.

And all the letter says is that that client has been a client at Peace Over Violence,

is all the letter says.

Okay.

So it's not much more than that.

All right.

Well, you can't explain that I don't use baseball bats around fish tanks anymore.

so all you can do is a letter that says that i'm being seen basically uh yes and we would only be

able to uh to see you as a client um if you were both in our service areas and a victim of sexual

assault or domestic violence sexual or domestic violence so me punching the wall stuff like that

has nothing no bearing in this at all me using a baseball bat on a lobster tank at the red lobster

That is no bearing at all.

What are those things pertinent?

Well, because I got upset and I worked at Red Lobster

and I started using a baseball bat on the lobster tank.

I was like, freedom, freedom, like that, you know?

Yeah, those might be better spoken about with an attorney.

They may be able to help you.

No, I need someone to say that I'm not a violent person.

I need people who are kind of like experts at that.

Are you a counselor?

And we cannot do that here.

Can you?

You may be an organization that does like anger management classes.

If you want to take an anger management class.

I'm not angry.

I'm just violent.

I'm not angry.

I'm just violent.

I'm totally like calm while I'm doing it.

Watch.

Watch like this.

See, I'm just calm.

Nice and calm.

See?

Okay.

We'll be able to provide you with that letter.

All right.

Fucking shit, you know?

You know, I farted in my hand and I was smelling it.

You know?

You ever try that?

You ever fart in your hand and smell it?

Go away, stinky.

Goodbye.

Yeah, I don't know what's up with the YouTube.

I don't know why it's not streaming.

I don't know.

Maybe I finally got delisted or something.

Peace be.

Let me check my Gmail real quick.

See if I got a notice from YouTube saying,

you've been playing too much copyright murder.

Let's see.

Doesn't look like it.

Nope.

I don't know.

it's a youtube problem well now's not the time to fix it so do not do not try to check out the

youtube it is not the work i'm gonna try one more thing i just hate derailing everything you know

just for that but anything for you guys i guess it's weird because in the monitor i can see that

it's running i see myself and everything but it doesn't i'm the only person watching it and it's

not listed on my channel or anything very weird to do something says the stream health is healthy

see it's green oh well that sucks doesn't actually get super chats on there and it's always nice to

get a little bit of that super chat youtube money thanks youtube okay well let's move right along

to the monster list is it eight o'clock yet it's kind of close i i can't wait anymore let's call

this number so supposedly this is an amish slash mennonite chat line where they play checkers

on the phone i thought amish weren't supposed to be able to use the phone but okay press one to

to hear the conference rules press 2 to enter the conference let's see the rules 1 everyone is

expected to be polite respectful courteous and not contentious at all times of course 2 no unclean or

suggestive language or jokes about religious things 3 no playing of tapes or musical instruments of

any kind 4 no proselyting or sheep stealing 5 no announcements of religious meetings

6. Anyone interfering with the conference operations, breaking rules, or not cooperating will have their phone number blocked.

An example, refusing to say your name when a board member asks you for it.

7. Anyone speaking or teaching about spiritual things must identify themselves.

8. Only adults should speak on the line.

9. No boy and girl visiting on the line, and women talking on the line should be kept to a minimum.

10. A comment.

Please do not let the conference line take you away from family time, Bible reading, and prayer.

11. To find out what the schedule is for the conferences, call 1-712.

Ah, shit.

How are we going to fix this?

There's got to be a way, guys.

There's got to be a way.

When I called with the regular number, it said I was blocked.

And I think that's because that system knows me for calling all the fatties, the overeaters anonymous, and the sex addicts.

By the way, a concept that I came up with and shared with Dwight McClanahan, just saying, another idea that was stolen from me by people who hate me.

All right, all right, let me think, let me think here.

Let me think, what can I do, what can I do, what can I do?

Welcome to the Amish and Mennonite conference lines.

Use it for God's glory.

Please press star for options.

if you are the moderator please press one otherwise please hold to be placed into the

conference this call has been blocked oh great it's been blocked okay never mind damn it shit

oh well i guess we can't fuck with the amish that sucks that would have been so awesome all right

well moving right along goodbye amish maybe one day with some setup offline sign spinners needed

i've always wanted to do that let's check that out here's a job for sign spinners yeah go cup

you got a point they probably would have been like oh they don't get angry those guys fuck they

forgive there was that killing up here in pennsylvania like 10 years ago the guy murdered

like five six little girls and uh they all forgave him the next day the next morning they were saying

we forgave him already now why are they sleeping why are they walking and all that shit manny

mendoza and now i gotta get manny i gotta get coke zero on my ass oh yeah i love coke zero i'm gonna

gonna take my shirt off too man i'm gonna take my shirt off i want you to come here and smell me

and touch my nipples and kiss me campaign jobs looking for jobs for campaigning here we go let's

do it yeah campaign jobs yeah you're interested yeah for what campaign um we are currently

knocking doors regarding the upcoming election um we're in the we're in the get out the vote uh

phase of our campaign, we are endorsing Steve Sisolak and Jackie Rosen, who are going from

door to door and letting people know about the upcoming election, as well as encouraging them

to vote. Is that what you're interested in? Oh, I'm interested in knocking on doors. Yeah.

Is she a Republican or Democrat? Jackie Rosen is a Democrat.

Oh, wow. Very nice. Very nice. And what's her, what do I need to know about her platform?

form well we do a lot of training on um what it is about jackie rosen that we endorse as well as

hello yeah go ahead um yeah so we uh are you okay you keep interrupting me yeah i'm fine my dog is

you know i was telling my wife that my dog farted i'm sorry oh okay um so we are we do a lot of

training on

Jackie Rosen as well as

C. Stisselat.

And we let our

canvassers know kind of why we stand

by and why these candidates

stand by some of the issues that we're hoping

to change. Some of the issues

are affordable health care,

affordable housing,

and immigration

reform. So we're looking

to get some change

into the state of Nevada and elect

officials that stand by

my um public school funding okay i was arrested for selling trump signs two years ago um but my

boss told me to it was actually it was actually my boss that told me to do that i didn't even know

it was a crime because i was like it's just like i was telling the cops too they're like you know

you can't be doing this what you think you're doing like that and i was like it's just trash

it's trash you know it's just litter like that and this one cop they they called like the stat

The shift sergeant, I guess, and he had like a big vein in his forehead.

He was so angry, super angry.

Okay, well, yeah, we definitely don't.

We would not ever ask and definitely would advise against doing so,

but I'd love to get you in for an interview.

What's your name?

My name is Cross.

Cross, like Jesus Cross?

Yeah, it's Jesus Cross.

And last name?

That's my last name.

I just go by Cross.

Okay, crap.

All right.

And then what time, what day could you come in for an interview?

Are you available tomorrow?

Oh, yeah.

I could definitely come in tomorrow.

Yeah.

Do you like Chipotle over there?

I work for Chipotle right now.

I can bring some burrito bowls or we got stuff at the end of the night.

Who really likes Chipotle?

Who doesn't like Chipotle?

Like, I guess Republicans don't, right?

I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean to interrupt you.

All right.

If you want to do that, I will not tell you no, sir.

Okay.

I can bring, yeah, totally.

I can bring some.

You guys, are you guys cool?

You know what I mean?

We are cool.

Well, you know what I mean by cool, though, right?

Do we smoke weed in our office?

No.

Oh, but like outside the office, right?

I am not a judgment individual on what you do in your personal life, just as long as

you're not soaking up in my office.

Okay.

We are fine.

Okay.

I take, I make edibles, too.

Very cool.

All right, Crossbow.

ass i'll put it up your ass you know so okay so it bypasses your liver okay well you have a great

rest hey you know when the thc bypasses your liver it actually is a different high okay let me adjust

my call rd to what i want it to be what i really want to be are you cool you're just like yeah sure

whatever i had so much more i wanted to say i wanted to go to funeral homes and get the names

of people that died in voting court in their name oh man yeah i'm really bummed out about

the youtube thing i don't want to do a show now i think we're just gonna wrap it up guys

this really pisses me off let's uh let's listen to uh what's his face obituary guy

nice and early in the show let's actually captain hey american rapper emerging from

the underground hip-hop scene in the bronxborough of new york city in the early 1990s who was the

the first Latino rapper to have an album-certified platinum as a solo act,

died February 7, 2000.

Ruffer Lee Carlos Rios debuted as a guest rapper on Fat Joe's 1995 album

Jealous One's Envy,

then appeared on Flesh and Bone's solo on album Thugs in 1996

and the Beat Nuts' 1997 album Stone Crazy

before signing with Loud Records as a solo artist.

puns lyrics are notable for technical efficiency great having minimal pauses to take a breath yes

heavy use of alliteration yes as well as internal and multi-syllable rhyming schemes

rio struggled with weight issues his entire adult life he weighed 182 pounds at age 18

which increased to 300 pounds at 21 his weight fluctuated in early 1990s between obese and

morbidly obese on february 5th 2000 rios withdrew from a planned saturday night live performance

with fat joe and j-lo due to illness two

Two days later, while staying at a hotel with his family in White Plains, New York,

he suffered a heart attack and a respiratory failure and was taken to a hospital where he

died at the age of 28 after paramedics were unable to revive him his weight had reached a peak of

698 fucking pounds at the time of his death and he you see i had thought he had he had lost 100

pounds he said that in one of his songs on his posthumous album he said i just lost 100 pounds

i'm trying to live that's big pun and i was a big fan of big pun man those three cats tupac

biggie smalls and then big pun machine uh man does that take me back uh here's one of my favorite

big pun songs the first one of his i heard so i heard i saw this on bet first time that was all

right so and i've talked about this before but six 17 year old carlito heard this uh in the

the background when i was getting ready for work after school to work at the albertsons

the grocery store and the whole i was like holy shit and i looked and it's these two fat

puerto ricans fat joe and and fat big pun i was like hell yeah there's hope for me

that was why i was like oh my god who the fuck are these cats

all right big pun motherfucker rest in peace pun yeah all righty all right that's me right

all righty yeah yeah well hey guys at the very least i'm recording the show the video feed so

i'll just upload it after the show it's going to be chopped up because i started stop started

it stopped trying to fix it so hey youtube you haven't missed much back to the list of phone

numbers from mr parkman mr lonesome loser the second mental health worker job yeah all right

oh yeah 405-396-6884 that is the phone line 405-396-6884 i saw someone calling earlier but

please do call do call uh carlito's gotta pee though my bad made a mistake here should have

peed before the show huh doesn't matter we're not missing much let me play a quick prank call so i

can make a pee pee i don't like fat joe though just saying i love big pun loved everything and

fat joe just pisses me just looking at him that fucking 24 7 fucking smirk of his fuck him here's

a prank call called clean toilets for america no it's only 26 seconds long but i'll queue it up

first because i'm curious what the fuck is clean toilets for america and uh here's another one

I'm Sterling, that's a pretty funny one

Give me a couple minutes, I'll be right back, ladies

Okay, I guess I'm back, sorry about that

Everyone, the computer took a shit

I took a piss and the computer took a shit

I guess it's fair, only fair

Not like we had any success anyway

In the meantime

I figured I'd just give everything a restart

See if I get the YouTube to work again

See if a good ol' reboot did the thing

The cure

It unfortunately did not

I'm hunkering, jumping the cock and plugging a lap.

So we're back, and so much for that.

Cool to stop it for burning.

Forgot my discernment.

Okay.

Downshift.

You turn it at 30.

Now here we go with Bible trying to burn me.

The ankle bends on tackle and strangle.

I quickly dismantle my sword after breaking the shack.

Man, you two's been real fucky lately.

But I'm really just, I'm just concerned that they took away my rights to broadcast live.

That would suck.

I don't know where I'd find that out.

So there's a dashboard somewhere which tells you your ability to monetize

and to broadcast live and this, that, and it tells you if you've been yanked.

But fuck, if I didn't know where to find that at, shit.

That would take looking and working on stuff.

Man, I haven't taken any calls tonight.

You're coming in, I'm just not paying attention.

405-396-684.

If you call, I will answer.

I am now paying attention.

I promise.

I swear this.

I swear to Allah.

like this person right here hi i'm carlito how can i help you hey it's dragon man what's up man

dragon burr how you doing i'm trying to survive tonight i guess you know you got technical

problems huh technical problems yeah youtube's still a stickler which sucks because a lot of

people seem to enjoy that i just i'm just concerned like i was just saying i'm just

concerned that i got uh i got flagged for because i played the 24 7 stream and there's a lot of

music on that that i can't just go about taking out and my concern is that that's gotten me flagged

where they won't let me do live broadcasting anymore i don't know damn man fuck them no

seriously fuck them anyway for doing that they're really fucking up a lot lately they're really

pissing a lot of people off and things of this nature so yeah yeah anyway so how you been doing

I'm good.

Good, good.

We got to do pranks.

Shit.

I got to do pranks, Luz.

I do myself.

Let's see if I can reopen that here.

I think I'm back on everything, by the way.

Oh, shit.

Damn it.

That sucks.

I did not save something before that happened.

Lost my phone number list.

Now I got to reload it here.

Shit.

ah subpar show oh boy good old subpar show all right back to park man

anyway i'm not ignoring you i'm just trying to get my numbers back here

oh it's all good porn addiction hotline nice what the heck let's do the porn addiction let's

are from the bottom of the list porn addiction hotline it is i'm wondering i'm hoping this is

different than the sex addicts anonymous an idea that i came up with i just love saying

shit like that it's the i know burn certain people's butter thank you for calling the ime

addiction access center calls may be monitored for quality assurance this is tom speaking may

help you hey i was fired for looking at gay pornography on my computer at work hey and

where are you calling from i'm calling from san jose so you have an addiction to porn yeah i

I mean, it's screwed up my life at this point, you know.

Are you currently in a hospital facility?

No, I'm at home.

What's been watching CNN?

All right.

I'd like to give you the number for Sex Addicts Anonymous, and then I can transfer you over to them.

Okay.

Is there someone there now?

Let me see here.

I'm going to have to hang up if you can continue with the volume in the back.

Oh, you can hear that?

I'm sorry.

I'll turn on use then.

Hang on.

I didn't realize you could hear that.

I'm sorry.

So the number for Sex Addicts Anonymous is 800-477-8191.

And you can transfer me?

Yes, hold on.

Okay.

Is it going to be a person, an actual person?

I'm sorry, Dragon Mirror, I didn't have you on.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

I'm not mad.

I was playing porno to the porno addiction hall.

Sir, if you could please stop playing that.

He said he was transferring me over.

Hello?

You've reached the International Service Organization of Sex Addicts Anonymous.

Either way, you're on the phone.

Yeah, it's...

Sam, I'm going to transfer you.

Obviously, he's transferring me to...

Let me talk to a voicemail.

I know who those people are.

Need a check at the center.

How can I help you?

Hi.

Hello.

I lost my job today for watching pornography at work, and I'm trying to...

I can give you the number to Sexaholics Anonymous hotline.

Yeah, well, that's the thing.

Someone from over there just transferred me to that place.

Okay, well, I can transfer you again.

Give me just a moment.

Well, no, no, no, no.

Let me talk.

What are you?

Are you just a transfer person?

Is that all you do?

Whatever.

All right, let's hear it for Gay Porn, everybody.

Which reminds me, which reminds me.

I have an idea.

You were listening to those pranks I was doing Saturday for the podcast, right?

For the ITVM?

I was in there for most of that, yep.

Okay, so where I realized that Jet.com, which is basically like another version.

It's like the ghetto Amazon that's owned by Walmart.

where they sell a lot of porno adult items and stuff.

I'm the one who told you that.

I'm the one who typed in strap on and it popped up.

Yes, yes, yes.

All right, so I want to keep, because I got real awkward about it,

because I kept thinking that one guy was getting to describe the dildos and shit.

They were monitoring every call, I think.

Well, yeah, or either that or they still have a lot of people on staff

because the one night manager was just like,

sir, you need to stop calling her.

All right, let me try to find their number.

Because I got just a fake vagina here.

Jet.

Got it.

All right, let's call them again.

So, 8-5-1-8-4-3-2-3-4.

Thank you for calling Jet.com.

To check the status of an order, please press 1.

No.

To set up a return, press 2.

I think it's 3.

If you'd like to speak to a Jethead, press...

Thank you for calling Jet.com.

My name is Cassidy.

How may I help you?

Hi, Cassidy.

I seem to be having trouble with your website.

site it's not displaying the descriptions of the item and i need to know more information on this

can you please help me out yeah of course i'm so sorry about that um okay so we have a couple of

options here my first question for you is do you have an account with us no i'm a new person

you're not okay um are you aware of how to clear your browsing data on your computer yeah i tried

and i clear cookies and everything i was wondering if you could just pull up the item and tell me

okay yeah that's i was going to be my second option i'm like well yeah that's weird that

it's not displaying for you i can definitely i'll make a note of that okay um they can look into

that so what's the item that you're looking at here it's nas toys n-a-s-s-t-o-y-s better than

real skin and did you find this item originally through google or through jet.com through jet.com

Okay, and how can I help you out here?

All right, if you can assist me with the descriptions,

because I can't see anything underneath the header of the page.

All I see is add to cart 2977.

Would you mind if I place you on a brief hold real quickly?

Uh, sure.

All right, thank you. I'll be right back.

Bye.

So it's actually the Nass Toys Better Than Real Skin Pussy, Claudia.

It is a fake vagina.

Much better than Pamela.

Yeah, Pamela's too tight.

Claudia is nice.

My complaint about the picture on this item is the...

Thank you so much for holding. Are you still with me?

Yes.

Okay. So due to the graphic nature of these products, there are some details and descriptions we can't discuss over the phone since these calls are recorded.

If you have more detailed questions about the product, you can email us at help at jet.com, and we can respond to you in a timely manner there.

Do you wish to continue the call with those guidelines in mind, or should we disconnect?

Well, what can you tell me about the material?

Let me see here. I don't see anything about the material. It doesn't say.

Okay. Any information about how the rib tunnel can accommodate anything?

There's no information on that. But again, if you have any more detailed questions about it,

you can email us at help at jet.com and we can answer you there.

This is a masturbator, correct?

Correct.

Okay.

Can you describe the diet and what it looks like to me?

I cannot describe it to you over the phone since the calls are recorded,

but we can answer that through email.

Okay, but it's vaginal in nature?

Correct.

White girl vaginal or?

I'm sorry, what?

White girl vaginal, black girl, Asian.

Does it go up and down or left to right?

Again, I can't answer that over the phone, but we can answer that through email.

Okay.

Like, does it look like I can make it talk, like I can move the labia back and forth, like it's mouth-talking?

Again, that is a question I cannot answer due to the adult nature, but we can answer that over email.

Does it have a labia majora and a labia minora, or just one or the other?

Both.

Both, okay. Is there a clitoris there?

There should. If I remember correctly, you said that you were able to pull up a picture and just not a description, correct?

correct no i can't see the picture okay um well again i i can't answer these questions over phone

um so i'm gonna have to go ahead and disconnect is there a clitoral hood i cannot answer that

over the phone but if you would like to call us or email us at help at jet.com we can answer your

questions further i'm gonna have to go ahead and disconnect this phone call though does it have

have pubic hairs all right yeah vagina vagina let's call back thank you for calling jet.com

to check the status of an order were you not there for that really

thank you for calling jet this is denise how can i help you yes hi can you please pull up an item

for me i have questions sure okay um do you have an account with you at all i do not okay um what's

the item you're looking at it's pipe dream products pdx me silly say that one more time

pipe dream products pdx me silly okay okay how can i help you with that okay this should be

um are you able to explain to me the description and you see this on the website on the jet website

uh yeah i only get as far as where it says share fp fave and then after that it says description

and then it's just all like it doesn't show anything it just says error program alarm 1202

many many times um and is this in the adult section i would not know so what is it well you

i mean you i'm asking for the description it looks like is it giving you what go ahead it

doesn't show it says description in purple and underneath that it says error program alarm 1202

program alarm 1202 it says call and it has the number that i called 855-538-4323 for description

information okay and what is it you're looking for are you looking for a certain product i'm

looking for something that can display in my home like a piece of art so it'd be in the art or the

home section i can't pull um up what you are looking for so i was out looking on i was googling

it trying to figure out what it is okay well you should be at jet.com that's your website yeah but

But sometimes they don't pull up, so I can Google it and see if I can find out what it is.

If I knew what kind of art you're looking for.

Like fertility art?

Fertility art.

Okay.

It's PDX, F star, CK, me silly.

Hello, it's off the quiet there.

I'm just looking.

I'm trying to find out what you're looking for.

I thought you said you had it.

I'm saying that if you see it on our website, we could have it.

Okay.

But I haven't been able to pull anything up.

Sometimes if it's not available on our website, you can still find it on Google.

What results did you get?

I haven't gotten anything yet on our website.

When you put in PDXFSTARCKMESILLY, you get nothing.

There is a pipedreamproducts.com.

You can go to their official website.

Okay.

It can't be reached.

Well, you should be seeing a big ass and a big vagina.

Well, I guess then you need to look in our adult products.

See, I knew what you were looking for.

Does it fart?

No.

Can I make it fart?

Can I put air in it?

I don't have a clue.

You'll have to look and see.

You know what a pussy fart is, a queef?

You know, I'm not going to talk to you about this.

I apologize, but you can look on what you can see on the adult shop,

Get the information from there

But other than that I can't help you

It sounds like this

Have a good one

Thank you for your time

Yeah that was a big ass

Oh man

Here is your all access

Anytime any place

Piece of pussy and ass

Made just for your cock

That's what it says on my description

Take your fuck slut out of the box

Get out the free lube

And pound that bitch until you fuck her silly

the free lube comes with it nice uh it's just funny because i know she pulled it up but it's

literally like it's just an ass and a pussy and the two legs it's it's just it's basically a girl

with her legs up and in what the what the blacks call the buck position um i would love to give

this a try you should sponsor me sponsor a show the same reason free shit uh maybe something not

so obvious how about one of the tanga the tanga eggs okay gotta be quick because word gets around

there pretty quick thank you for calling jet.com what was your name carlin carlin all right you're

all right your phone's kind of do you have a problem with your headset um i can hear you

are you unable to hear me now i can hear you now that you fixed it again oh okay because you had

it in a bad position i think why oh oh okay well okay um excuse you what was wrong with your

your headset you're saying oh sorry can you can you you can hear me now yeah can you hear me

obviously it sounds like you can great okay can you please search an item perfect uh yeah what

was the item you're looking at tanga deep throat cup moment do you have a question on that item

yes what was your question uh i understand it's a pre-lube masturbation sleeve and a sturdy

plastic sleeve specifically designed to generate maximum sensation while utilizing

and innocent packaging okay and it can be carried along with me travel or left out on my nightstand

with no one the wiser to the intimate purpose and that it features a complex system of textures

inside the work in conjunction with the distinctive pinch shape and top air flow valve

to create tightness and suction and that is disposable that's based on the that's based on

the description on your website um yeah just basically the description that's on there um

is just kind of what the product is and how to use it okay does my penis go in this or does this go

up my bum i don't understand though because it you know it's kind of hard to tell from the pictures

um honestly i'm not 100 sure do you mind if i just put you on a brief hold while i look into

this for just a moment oh sure yeah go ahead look into it all you need thank you oh oh i'm gonna

gonna get the supervisor sir you need to stop calling her they got a penis extension here

it just sucks it have skewed see i put in penis and i got a post evac medical grade vacuum erectile

all right yep but i don't i don't get any actual penises oh yeah rapport classic vacuum therapy

device for ed my cat just did the cutest thing so i pet him and gave him a treat then he walked

walked away 15 seconds of adorable in exchange for a lifetime of pampering i think my cat is

giving me thank you for your patience a jet head will be with you soon what the fuck i know right

now they're probably all like oh my god yeah he called me too that's disgusting all right so let

me look for a phone number for thanks for holding my name is joe i'm part of the management team

here at jet.com how can i help you today oh hey officer how you doing i'm not an officer what can

i do for you today well you're acting like one or something what can i do for you sir i want to

to help you what can i do i had questions about the item and she was trying to help me she said

she had to put me on hold so right but we aren't going to be describing any items for you i'm happy

to help in any way that i can if you'd like assistance using our website and making a

purchase but we aren't going to be able to describe any items for you you're not going

to be able to describe can you so what you can can you verify uh the item named what what is it

that you're looking for sir uh my penis extension to flesh is this an item that you've seen on our

website yes okay i can see that we do have an item that goes by that name yes okay all right

and how many what's the length of this like how many inches will this add according to the

description it says two okay all right and what is the material that it's made of our listing

doesn't say what the material is let me take a look see if we have anything else i might say

Give me just a moment, just looking to see if I have that information somewhere here.

And how do you put it on?

I have no idea how to use the item, sir.

Don't they demonstrate the items for you guys sometimes?

They bring them in?

Absolutely not.

Not an item of this sort, no.

Well, certain vendors will, right?

No, no, not at all.

We don't have any kind of, we aren't experts in products.

We know how to use the website.

We can help you with orders or issues with orders, but we don't have any product.

I just like to talk to cute girls about sexual things.

I'll be honest with you.

And if you, all right, it sounds like, it sounds like that's something that you should

deal with on your own.

I appreciate that admission on a recorded line.

Is there anything else I can do for you before I disconnect the call, sir?

Well, I mean, I shouldn't talk to the women about this stuff, right?

You're saying like, is that what I'm getting?

You should not call us.

Well, I mean, I'll try.

I'll try a guy if you want.

Maybe it says you roll it on like a condom, sir.

Don't you hate condoms?

I'm going to disconnect.

I love skin on skin.

I appreciate you admitting that on a recorded line.

I'm going to disconnect the line.

I appreciate your admission.

I wish good luck to you, okay?

No.

Thank you very much.

No.

Man.

No penis extender for you.

Nope.

No penis extender for me.

And the computer machine here is fucking up again.

Hooray.

Yay.

Which means I have no music to play.

Yay.

Did YouTube ever come back up?

I don't think so.

I don't think that worked either.

Shit.

Oh, boy.

Oh, Christ.

So that was it.

Yeah.

Your YouTube is not up.

the problem is this show's not being recorded now because the long story um i don't need to

get into explanation let me open youtube and try to play a song at the very least

see if i can do that all right i'm gonna clear the line so uh someone else can call

hey thanks for having me no problem thanks for being on dragon mirror i'll talk to you

dragon mirror's out of here on his ass um we've lost shoutcast

yay

i'm honestly thinking we're just calling it quits man i think we still get a i still

get a copy of the show via whatchamacallit via mixler so we're good there where the

the fuck is this fucking crashing so much that it's driving me nuts all right stand by everybody

oh it just sucks this is it's difficult to pause the music and everything times this okay at least

i can do calls still so for those still listening on mixler thank you very much let me go back to

the number list here called campaign jobs we called mental health worker i don't know car

salesman job here we go god now the mouse is fucking up jesus i can't do anything all right

guys i'm sorry to do this but i'm getting frustrated and i've got like zero control

of the computer again here not sure what's going on this is going to take some troubleshooting

probably now it's working but i don't know for how long let me try one last prank call and i

think this is it sorry guys that's the breaks i'll make it on the weekend i'll troubleshoot

tomorrow see if i can figure out what's going on thank you for calling diamond motors hey i see

you got a job for car salesman um hold on let me see if that's still available shit all right

Yeah, I don't know about that.

You want to call tomorrow?

What do you mean you don't know about that?

Well, I'm a salesman myself, and the manager that's hiring is not here.

So you want to call back tomorrow?

So you're intimidated that you think I'm going to, like, out-sale you or something?

Are you fucking kidding me?

You're trying to get in the way of me getting a job?

I'm a triple-A salesman.

I mean, I'll beat you.

Okay, well, that's fine.

I don't mind.

I'll kick your ass.

Brother, you know what?

That's fine.

I don't care.

Don't even bother coming in if you're going to be talking to me like that.

Well, you're not the manager, so it doesn't fucking matter.

Don't tell me what to do.

Dominic Motors, how can I help you?

Yeah, who's this, Jeff or Dale?

Who's this?

My name's Cross.

What's your name?

Cross.

Okay, so what's going on?

What's your name?

Buddy, what are you calling for?

Are you the one who just called for the job?

I need to talk to Jeff or Dale.

Okay, did you just call a minute ago?

I'm returning their call.

Returning a call?

Yeah.

We didn't call.

We called you?

Jeff or Dale?

Jeff called back, said ask for him or Dale?

Okay, now you're lying.

because i didn't i've never talked to you well you left a message i guess i don't know is this

jeff is that what you're trying to say who's this my name is cross you're really dumb you know that

you're the one you're the dumb one you're the one who keeps calling for no reason i'm calling

about a job and you're intimidated by my but i never fucking called you jackass don't fucking

call don't you social with me yes why don't you come down here i'll give you a job why don't you

come down here i'll give you a job yeah you'll give me a blow job probably you give me a blow

low job you wish i would yeah but i don't hang around in your circle you don't hang around in

your circle yeah i'm not the one looking for the job dick stick yeah right because i'm gonna outsell

you i'm gonna outsell you you can't get a job i'm gonna i have a job now you're so quick because

you're looking for a job you're gonna listen to me are you gonna because you can win any argument

you want in your head if you don't let me talk stupid loser geez winner is back for now let's

See for how long.

Nice.

We're back in business on the Winamp.

All right.

There's hope yet for a show here.

Let's try to call back.

Hey, let's take this caller here.

Hello, caller.

I'm Carlito.

Thanks.

Shoot, is this Carlito?

Yeah, this is Carlito.

How you doing?

Yo, dude.

I'm my first-time caller, but long-time listener.

Okay.

All right.

Like, for real, man.

Yeah?

Cool.

Do you have a prank name?

No, I just, dude, I've been listening to y'all for like probably six years now, five years.

Oh, God, it's so hard.

No, but yeah, dude, I love your pranks, bro.

Like, seriously, the Mexican guy, you know, the Mexican guy that like freaked out on you?

This is Los Angeles?

Dude, that guy.

That guy?

No, I'm not, no, no, no.

Oh, I know who he's, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's down at the table.

Yeah, yeah, the Samina table, yeah, yeah.

Fucking grandfathered motherfucker.

That guy, yeah.

He sounds just like my dad.

That shit had me fucking dying, dude.

Nice.

The accent, accent and all, you know, like, dude, that was good.

All right, so Dom the Bomb, a prank caller, kind of friends with us,

says that that's an El Salvadorian.

I'm convinced he's a Mexican.

I don't know if you have any input on that.

No, he's Mexican, man.

I'm Mexican, dude.

like the cursing the everything it's it's it lines up yeah a lot of yeah yeah yeah yeah oh

that like you know and i know spanish so like i was fucking losing it when you're like talking

back to him you're like oh no papi see papi like it was funny yeah that was yeah yeah hell yeah

and so where's your family from chiapas chihuahua um no it's like uh distrito federal i don't even

you don't know yeah yeah yeah around there all right around there i think all right i think

that's a state in there guadalajara i don't know the states i don't know the fucking states i'm

puerto rican what do you think i don't i don't know that stuff i'll be all power to you guys

that's cool why yeah man how about trump are you one of those like i voted for trump mexican

mexicans oh no you can't vote it's all good it's all right yeah i can vote

voters thing and shit but yeah hey you got to vote in november man all right you got to vote

in three weeks i want to even if you i don't care who everyone votes for i just want everyone to

start voting in the in the midterm elections because you've got a lot of these people around

here saying oh the system doesn't work but you don't vote in the midterm elections it's more

important than the presidential elections it's more important to vote in the midterm than the

presidential election exactly yeah it's more has more of an impact on our society and you directly

you're voting your local representatives hello hello this is leon uh shutter security

we get in there and steal shit that lights off yeah sounds like what's up athena what's going on

why are you opening the door okay weirdo

yo where's milkman at milkman he gotta he gotta get really weird with me before like five minutes

before a show like a month ago and he started yelling at me over something dumb and i told

him i said i was like look man if you're gonna yell at me especially five minutes before a show

i'm just gonna hang up and i said i do myself when he hung up and i haven't talked to him since

i'm waiting for an apology i'm waiting for an apology from no i'm not gonna call him no i'm

done with that because he's like ain't fair no he said you know what he said that motherfucker he

said and you need to stop talking over me on the show like are you fucking kidding me are you

fucking kidding me i need to stop talking over you on my show i was like you fuck yeah i know

this is shit i probably should keep private but fuck man he really fucking pissed me off for that

so that's what's going on when people were asking it's not that i hate the guy i have a lot of love

He's like a brother to me

But he needs to apologize

And I'm sticking to that

Cause I'm not gonna

I didn't know that happened

Yeah

I didn't tell anyone really

He just all of a sudden

Out of nowhere

Just started yelling at me

Or shit

I think he was

He was upset

About the Chicago meetup

But he couldn't go

I know

That's what I got

Cause he wanted to go

Which I understand

Getting upset

Isn't he going to the

West Coast

West Coast meetup

Isn't that happening

He's going to be there.

I kind of set it up to be in that town.

Yeah, so you got a smog slash lube tech job?

Yeah.

Okay.

What can you tell me about that?

What you looking for?

I have experience.

You got a smog license?

Yes.

Do you have a smog license?

What, in Nevada or California?

I have.

Oh, I'm going to be getting it in Nevada.

It's from California.

Is that a requirement?

Yeah.

Well, I'm looking for somebody.

No.

you have to go to here in nevada you have to go to take a college course to get it so i'm looking

for somebody that has an active nevada license right now that can start tomorrow god damn it

you know you're about you're about two months out on it well fucking shit you have to take it in

nevada what about what about oil motherfucker what about the oil motherfucker fucking i fucked

it up i should have just said i had it me and my stupid fucking stories tell them i'm sorry

hang on i just noticed

a second so that's what happened to milkman now everyone knows now everyone can stop asking

yeah i'm waiting for an apology you haven't talked to him since nope oh man i texted him

that night they talked i said good night that's how i was trying to be polite then i thought about

i was like oh he's gonna he's gonna apologize i'm not gonna be the one people talk shit on

on them all the time but i think he makes the show you know hello sir sir i'm sorry i have a

solution i can get the degree i've got my mexican friend he's on the line here his name is cross

hello whoo sir i know you're connected i know you're connected motherfucker get out of here

he's not talking foreclosure service so you've been listening for about eight years how'd you

you find me was it through pla uh yeah yeah it started off with uh actually i got into like just

prank calls just listening to them through like onyx onyx prank i don't know if you remember him

oh yeah he's still big i think yeah yeah but like i kind of got tired of that that shit so then i

got onto like brad and then from brad i got to know like dwight and then you and then like you

know just the whole like the whole gang because there's also like matt and uh yeah the whole the

The whole Prank Call nation, the whole Prank Call crew.

Yeah, the biggest Prank Call station in the nation.

Well, glad you made it.

Glad you crossed over from the ownage side.

My God.

Oh, yeah.

No.

He has a few classics.

Yeah, he does.

I've heard the listeners on real shit.

I think Dialer's the one.

He hates his ass so much.

I think Dialer's caught him stealing his shit before, his ideas.

is and i know jen stewart like fucking i think he's said some jen stewart stuff too and jen gets

mad because jen's like it's not fair hello i know jen just gets mad that um he's got so many

subscribers and listeners and shit and knows that he's probably making pretty good money off of it

oh dude yeah i'm i'm a user myself cool i i was until i don't know what happened now that i can't

go i can't play the live shit i don't know what's going on it's not going to be monetized or

well i don't know i i don't know no i don't know i i know there's somewhere where you can see your

status like your permit if you're allowed to broadcast live i need to get to that page in

my dashboard i don't know where it is in the dashboard do you have an idea off the top of

your head would you know um yeah go to your go to your creator studio and then from creator studio

You know, there's, like, a sidebar on the left.

You can go to, I think it's the channel.

I think that's what it is, channel.

Channel.

And then, yeah, and then it's, like, status.

Status and features.

Features.

Yes, yes.

Yeah, yeah, there you go.

That can tell you if there's anything up, it's going to tell you that.

No, nothing.

Everything's green.

I can live stream.

So it's not that.

I think it's just a technical error then.

Yeah.

Was it unlisted?

Did you set it as unlisted or private, you know, like the stream?

well yeah let's check that because see i usually go in there and i try to remember

to uh to go in there and um fucking well okay um i changed it i changed it from replay to

live now that's it was playing fine until i did that then it and i never sister maybe is your

all right let me see where i'm where i listed out of here uh because i thought all i did was

oh shit it is unlisted look at this guy oh there you go my man all right yeah all right we figured

it out everyone all right youtube should be up here in a second look at that things are looking

up everyone i got you man my man all right thank you saved us you saved us yeah tube sucks as he

needs to stop fucking with it yeah it's just he gets he's like oh he gets all butthurt if i say

like i want to like have people like on skype joining the show at the end you know the other

they're prankers oh baby it ain't fair yeah then i can't say anything like he's done for the whole

show except for the last 60 minutes last 30 minutes and he's like oh i want you to play my

music and i want to be able to hear it and like look for me to be able to make this you can hear

it it's a whole thing i gotta buy a new computer an extra computer and a bigger mixer for you to

get it i'm not spending that kind of money just so you can hear the music it's not important

i gotta stop i gotta stop what are you doing to me now you're screwing me all right all right so

you do your music man no no i don't do pranks um i do other stuff on youtube actually but i'll

probably discuss that later okay um nothing yeah but uh dude your your music on your like your

whole show man it's like the best stuff i try i try i i uh it's a lot of music discovery that i

i go through on a daily basis i play a lot of random music and channels and i just start

i use google play and i i i find new songs i think would be good for the show and youtube

is the same thing i just thumbs up and save stuff and then the the what like an hour before the show

starts i go through all the stuff for the last seven days that i added to my following playlist

and whatever okay yeah this would work this would work and i throw it in there yeah you know and

And then just my own stuff.

By the way, did you want to give out?

You can give out your YouTube channel if you want.

I don't know if you're...

I'm going to have to give out some talk.

Okay.

I'll give it out eventually.

Well, whenever you're ready.

Just saying.

Just the offer's there.

All right.

Let's see if I can get this foreclosure service to answer this time.

Damn, I don't know how I unlisted it.

Shit.

It does that automatically if you don't change it.

Okay.

Yeah.

It's weird.

You can set it up so that it's public all the time,

but I like to do, like, practice live streams before I actually go live

to, you know, make sure everything's running.

Right.

You're not doing those weird videos with, like, kids, like, you know,

not, like, pedophile stuff, but kind of pedophile stuff.

Oh, what is it, the ASMR?

Whatever that weird...

ASMR shit.

Yeah, that shit was weird.

I heard about that.

No, no, no, not about that.

It was in, like, videos of just kids eating ice cream, like, really creepily.

Yeah, it's YouTube.

Dude, I've been on YouTube since, like, 2010, man, and it's changed a lot.

yeah i sure have yeah because i remember with that story it was like kids were like that it

wasn't just parents were finding like their three-year-olds were getting tablets and

like the algorithm was specifically oh the elsa gate elsa gate was that what it was yeah

it was specifically oh dude yeah yeah man that there's that like whole controversy like

that was crazy sorry my cat just like jumped on me okay crazy shit pay check advance yeah hi

hi is this a national center okay uh i need help because i lost a bet with this guy you know

lysol hello is this a joke no i need cash fast okay first you'd have to apply online where are

you located where are you located in reno okay so it transferred you automatically it transferred

me automatically to the closest one i'm guessing is that how it works because i call the toll-free

number i am on plum lane in reno nevada okay all right do you have bulletproof glass and all that

stuff there is that kind of place this is the part where you answer hello this is the ghetto bank

right you're just gonna sit there honey whatever now homer's in here trying to eat my two liter

bottle hey buddy homer stop hey let it go let it go let it go walk back you cannot eat the plastic

bottle oh she thought it was a joke from the beginning all i said is i lost a bet well i

I lost a bet with Lysol.

That's all he fucking said.

Yeah.

All right.

Buddy, thanks for helping me out with the YouTube problem.

Yeah, bro.

Thanks for listening for eight years.

Here's to another eight years, my man.

All right.

I'm going to clear the line so someone else can join, buddy.

All right.

Take care, man.

Be good to yourself.

See you, buddy.

That is the Mexican who fixes the YouTube.

Homer, I'm sorry, dude.

You cannot eat empty two-liter bottles of Coke Zero.

It has aspartame, and that's going to hurt your kidneys.

Hey, do not.

Hey, man.

You guys missed that.

He just stole a fucking handkerchief off my fucking desk.

Hey, mister.

Give it back.

You give it back.

Where's my baseball bat?

Give me a second.

I got to get this towel from him.

The hand towel before he kills himself.

Naughty dog.

BRB.

God damn.

I think the mic was on.

You guys heard that.

In that video, that particular camera is being super choppy tonight.

Another problem.

Okay.

I got a quick divorce place.

Let's check them out.

Oh, by the way.

hey there's another thing sears is closing not closing their the the declared bankruptcy i think

this is it for sears kmart it's over man uh but uh they're closing 100 something stores

in the next month or two and uh i always have fun with those kind of late though right let's see if

i can uh find some that might be open still it's not that late yeah definitely california can find

some we can do some of them glory hole relocation calls always love those yeah i don't think i

should have really talked about the whole milkman thing but that's what happened thank you for

calling sears great one moment while i transfer your call yeah hey you work appliances oh really

did they take you seriously no i mean i usually talk to a man there yes sir but females also work

in this department oh well not for long is there a man i can talk to that's the problem when they

started letting the women work in the appliance i think i'm gonna buy a washer from a woman you're

crazy you're one of them old school dudes man fucking uh sears you know i was sad because

i learned that one of the sears that are closing is the one at the mall that we used to go to when

i was a kid like one of what i was telling my wife my earliest memories are of going to the

Altamont Mall in Florida it was the closest mall to where we lived and the Sears there I mean it's

we always went in through the Sears we always parked at Sears and went in through Sears my mom

would always hit up the Sears for us I just have fond memories like I remember I like I can remember

um my dad got me the GI Joe oh what was that called oh shit it was the aircraft carrier I

remember it was on display and I just remember being huge I remember being a kid and just seeing

this big aircraft carrier and it came with a plane a little truck on it i just remember looking

i was like wow that's so cool it's like i could live inside of it it's so big you could tell you

how big it must have been how small i was at that point not like big fat crow you know i remember he

bought it my mom got mad i remember but he's like i didn't put it away he put it together and it

sat in our garage for like five ten years no dude i was like in middle school and i think finally

he finally sold it for a really low amount too like i don't even know how much those things go

for now but holy crap yeah i remember that there man i remember santa claus being there i remember

you could get popcorn at sears and shit remember my dad used to get his taxes down there and shit

they used to do tax sears and taxes was a big thing because anyway earliest memories of my

life at that sears legit i remember that malls where i saw et when i was a kid this is how long

long we're talking remember the movie theater was on the outside on the other side of the mall

anyway so yeah it just got kind of sad but let me tell you what like i went to the sears here

some point early this year um one of my pastimes in the late well in the early 2000s was i would

get really high on the weekends and i would either go to ikea or i would go to the mall

and just go to every store and just you know i don't know why i just like to get really stoned

and then walk around the mall for like an hour or two just look at everything and the mall be

packed and all that i just had i don't know why i was super into it and uh i went to it was maybe

sometime last year probably a year ago and i said to myself you know i'm gonna go to the mall i'm

gonna get stoned and go to the mall walk around and i did that and i went into sears they weren't

selling electronics anymore like literally like i remember my parents bought a tv i mean i remember

Remember, when I first moved out for college in 97, I needed an answering machine.

I went to Sears.

I bought an answering machine.

That's where you fucking want.

If you needed appliances, you needed a TV.

That's where you want.

There was no, I don't know if it was just at Sears, but to me, it seems like they all,

they stopped selling electronics altogether.

They sold off their Craftsman brand.

They sold off their battery brand.

What was that what's called?

Diehard.

They sold off Land's End clothing.

I mean, the company hasn't been profitable since 2010.

2010 2010 your company's been in the red for eight fucking years man you know like even the

competitors have embraced online shopping and stuff like that sears would have been great for

that they started off as a catalog store right like i saw the the the description of them was

they were amazon before amazon was a thing because they were through the catalogs shit i remember

there were sears catalog stores where it was like it wasn't a sears it was small and it wasn't at

the mall but there were catalog stores i think you could go pick up your stuff from the catalog

there and then they had like they had the showroom stuff but you couldn't buy the stuff there

immediately i don't i think that's how it worked you know what i don't i never really understood

how the catalog store worked this is cross this is this is cross this is cross all right someone

was calling the the prank line there the return call line to the prank line this is cross hello

Hello, my name's Cross.

What do you want?

Who is this?

What do you want?

Identify yourself.

I'm calling from security for Jet.com.

Yeah, what do you want?

What can I help you with?

Well, can you describe to me the item?

Because they won't describe shit to me.

No, I'm just seeing how we can help you, so I don't have to call the local police.

Oh, you're going to get the local police over an item you have listed on your website,

and your website says call this number if you have questions.

Okay.

What are they going to do?

And I don't recognize your authority.

He's called 62 times in the last 30 days.

Is there something I can help you with?

I have not called 62.

You're fucking lying.

I have not called 62 times in the last 30 days.

Is there something I can help you with?

Yeah, you can transfer me to customer service so they can describe the My Penis extension.

that is that it wow wow don't know if that's for real or not but okay he's

He's going to call the local penis extension.

How is that pleasurable?

Wouldn't that be like a really thick condom?

I don't get how that's pleasurable for me.

How do we get pleasure out of a penis extension?

For what?

Making the woman happier because I gave myself an extra five inches?

Does my woman really need 15 inches?

This is Kral.

Hey, Big Brendan.

You sent numbers tonight, I think, right?

I sent him to a couple of Indian restaurants.

Oh, I love Indians.

You know what concept I want you to get?

About a year ago, you did a show where you called some Indian businesses.

Yeah, those are the Indian IT people.

It was like an IT company.

What do you mean, dirtiest people?

Yeah, the lady, she got all she got.

What do you mean, dirty?

No, these are out west.

There's two Indian restaurants I've seen.

All right.

Okay, great.

Hang on, hang on.

Listen.

I'm going to put the cam on for everyone.

run these two are going to start a fight davi and homer both of you no don't do not start and it's

davi's the instigator right now oh he's making homer leave oh here we go oh oh oh they're going

they're going davi you just you just scared the dog you're really rude man people donate way more

for homer than you davi just saying you're an old fucking man cat that pees everywhere

no one likes you has davi like like torn into his nose yet or no no he doesn't he just bops him

really hard on the head and the nose yeah unfortunately before we knew how bad it was

we had oh no he's still in here now they're fighting again i can't get it on video for

you guys unfortunately because hey no we're doing a show all right well they're coexisting

but dobby's staring him down right now like a fucking gargoyle all right let me try that

you said that first one should be working that the 419 the the the one the 419 prefect

that should be good okay yeah yeah i called that one yeah all right here we go and it's sad because

homer just wants to be his friend hello oh i'm here i thought oh it's network they picked up

and hung up i'll try one more time just in case it was a mistake of some sort uh yeah they're

just picking up and hanging up jerks shit sorry buddy yeah it's okay don't fret let me uh i can

can find uh indian restaurants if you have like another i've actually called some in yeah i've

called them actually in no i'm sorry the the town that you called you gave me uh i think i called

indian restaurants there recently and i'm wondering if you sent me one that i fucked with

when they know the number sellers oh i know i know okay it's a possibility you never know with

me the way i do my shows uh punjab cafe let's try that there's in a different part of the country

on the west coast though hi how are you oh good i'm very clean thank you okay and i smell good

hi yeah uh i sell a natural soap and uh i'm gonna make an order uh okay sure all right but i just

wanted to see you know before i do that i sell a natural soap and i it's really good at cleaning

like people that smell bad and i understand this is an indian restaurant yes uh do you have indian

people that work there presuming i hear you maybe yeah okay and you guys are very dirty people no

well you're pretty dirty it's pretty dirty over there 40 of you don't defecate in the toilet in

india you definitely there's there's a lot of filth in india you know yeah oh have you been

there no i've never been there yeah your family's from there your mother father mother no no no my

my ancestors were from there oh like how back how far back like a long time i think three

generations back three generations you've been you guys have been here that long

yeah oh wow oh shit yeah oh shit how come you still have accent yeah sorry how come you still

have accent why uh sorry how come you still have dirty accent i don't uh i don't know oh do you

play golf sorry no no what do you like you like disco dancing yeah we like disco dancing oh nice

Nice, nice.

Do you watch the Bollywood movie?

Yeah, sure.

Okay.

Lots of dancing.

Yeah, lots of dancing, yeah.

It's fun, too, right?

Like, they get up and the woman show her breasts.

Hi, would you like to make an order?

Go ahead, sir.

One bhenchod?

Sorry?

One bhenchod?

No, you bhenchod, matter.

No, you bhenchod, motherfucker.

No, you.

Mother stupid.

Bastard.

Bastard guy.

Sorry, what do you like to order, sir?

Yeah, okay.

All right, well, that didn't work.

Do you have chicken tikka masala?

One chicken tikka masala.

Hey, you know, that's not even an Indian dish.

It's from Scotland.

Do you know what is a Scotland?

No.

Okay, it's a country in Europe.

Nobody do that.

Do you know Mel Gibson?

He's from Scotland.

You know what I'm talking about?

Can I please order, please?

I have customers.

One chicken tikka masala.

Is it mild, medium, or spicy?

Spicy.

Spicy, off the side with rice or not?

No, no fries.

Alright, can I have a naan with it?

Yeah, sure.

Okay, one mother, one paneer made from mother's milk.

Paneer?

Yeah, from the milk from your mother.

Hello?

Yeah, how would I like to make an order?

Hello?

Yeah, one chicken tikka masala.

Yeah, and one paneer.

One mother paneer?

Yeah, side with naan.

Yeah, one naan?

Naan.

Okay.

One madarchod?

Hello?

No, no, I'm not serious.

I'm going to let you go, all right?

You've been a fun guy, all right?

I want to kiss you.

I'll see you later, all right?

Bye.

No, I don't like Indian people.

I don't like Indian food.

I'm just calling like that, all right?

I'll see you.

Okay, thank you.

I'm just kidding.

They're good people.

They're great.

How can I help you?

I would like to make an order.

Hold on, please.

Okay, because you need to get a man to take the order.

Here we are waiting.

Toilet, probably.

He's probably not washing his hands.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's just a hole in the floor.

It's pretty cool, though.

I've seen pictures of those Indian toilets,

and they actually got little spots for your feet.

Yeah, and it's supposed to be like the natural way of shitting.

Okay, ready for the order?

Yeah, hi.

Are your toilets, are they Western toilets or Indian hole toilet on the floor?

Oh, hold on.

Okay.

Hello?

Yes?

Emperor of India?

Yes, it is.

Okay, all right.

Are you people clean?

Of course we are clean. What's up?

Well, because a lot of Indian people are dirty, you know, I wanted to make sure.

We've been here for 18 years, boss.

Okay, still, we can be dirty for 18 years. Do you use the toilet?

If I don't eat, I don't serve. That's my rule.

Do you use toilet inside or outside, like in India?

India. We have a toilet in our house. Every house has a toilet pretty much right now, you know?

No, in India, a lot of people make toilet outside or on the beach.

Well, sometimes they have no choice and they can't, you know.

Yeah, they do. They have a choice. They don't like to.

Well, they do.

Because there's a lot of filth, you know?

Yes, yes, I understand. But how can I help you?

Okay, I'd like to make an order. One chicken tikka masala.

Okay.

And you know that dish is from Scotland, it's not from India?

This is Scotland from India?

Chicken tikka masala was invented in Scotland, not India. Did you know that?

Yes, I know. It's UK. The British built it to give a signature name to it. Yes, I know that.

Stupid. You're stupid, you know, for that.

Why?

Because you say Indian food and it's Scottish food.

You're stupid.

Well, it is not Scottish food.

The British bring it from India.

That's what it is.

No, no, it's not.

No.

It was made in Scotland, not even England.

It was made in Scotland.

Yes.

Okay.

Do you have naan?

Yes, we do.

Okay, garlic naan?

Yes, we do.

Okay, one order of that.

Do you have papadums?

Yes, I do have papadums.

Okay, all right.

Do you have maruchod?

No, we don't have that.

okay but you have a mother well well you know what you're talking with rubbish i'm not gonna

take your order no it's not rubbish it did that this is not india no no no no if you're talking

rubbish i'm not gonna take your order if we're talking indian we're talking filth well we

understand that what are you telling me is not right okay what about bench

oh man curry roots fuck curry so the truth about curry is the indians used to

use uh the the the landscape in india is bereft not a lot of trees there not a lot of wood you

still need a cooking fuel so they would use the cow patties the shit from the cow which is part

of why the cows are so sacred there because they provided the fuel problem is the food would taste

like cow shit because of that's where you're cooking it with you know it's like imagine

charcoal when you use it so the curry was really good and knocking that taste out it goes really

well with shit flavor cow shit but no they're not just not we're gonna fuck

hey i want to make an order i'm picking up do you have tandoori oven do you have a tandoori oven

i'm asking do you have a tandoori oven stupid asshole bench stupid asshole bench web damn

It sounded like an Indian Ted Webb.

Maybe it was Ted Webb.

This is actually where Ted Webb lives.

I wonder if that was him.

I think this is Carlito.

I'm not going to have to watch her go.

Poor Ted.

One more Indian restaurant.

Since you got me on this kick.

Yeah.

I was saying,

I would call if there's a couple Indian restaurants.

Oh, yeah, that's your fucking voice stinking up the airwaves.

Opium seed head.

Suburbs and up there, they get really angry.

Indians be getting it.

In the alley or something.

Yeah.

Hi, shit palace.

I'd like to make an order.

Yes, sir.

Okay, one chicken biryani.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

One chicken tikka masala.

Okay.

Hey, you know that chicken tikka masala is from Scotland, not from India?

Uh-huh.

Did you know that?

That's stupid.

Okay, yeah.

You know, you're stupid for that.

Uh-huh.

because you sell and it's not from india yeah okay all right one bench hold okay one sister

okay how is the sister there who are you my name is cool and i'm dr shapiro i'm dr shapiro i'm cool

and that's dr shapiro i don't know who it is you're not supposed to know me i'm customer it's

all you need to know monkey i don't know you maybe you are the monkey no no we got in we got we got

we got an indian hooker over here and she said that you're her son we have your mother over here

she's we're paying her for sex monkey monkey mr monkey yeah i think i called him last week that's

funny shit chat chat palace and i call him shit palace i think it was a lady there last week was

like no no no she took a great offense listen i gotta take a break i'm sorry let's go thanks

No, man.

Thanks for all the numbers.

The number.

I'll try again next week for some better numbers.

All right.

You'll get it.

No problem, monkey boy.

All right.

There we go.

There he is.

Everyone, Brendan.

Before I take a break, a quick few fast prep calls to Sears.

Anyway, what I was trying to get at before, dude, like Sears fucked up.

up and then like kmart before they closed the one around here i went there a few months before they

closed that one the air conditioning wasn't fucking working the tiles were falling off the

fucking ceiling and they had a ton a ton of stock out on the floor i mean i was looking in the

clothing area and it was like you couldn't fucking move that had so many fucking clothes because no

one was buying anything so as i was checking out i bought like a few things for the office here

and i asked the girl so you guys finally stopped running the ac i thought it was just a cost-saving

measure she's like oh no no it the power went out and it never turned back on so we actually were

closed for two days straight and we finally reopened today was supposed to be working but

we reopened today i'm like damn you guys just closed because the ac like i've never heard of

a department store ever be like ah the ac is not working we'll just close there's no focus

they get what they get they had a good run sears and kmr both they had a good run i had a good run

at it but it's over it's over motherfuckers let's call back that sears machine hold your calls for

now we will reopen the mouth after the break i mean i never worked there but i was wondering

what it'd be like to be a sears appliance salesman because they had like a certain kind of swagger

you know i mean they're they're like almost like car salesmen or like insurance brokers like they

They work there at Sears with everyone else, but it's hard to explain.

They got their own little section, and they only congregated with themselves.

And it was a set up like a car salesman, like a car lot.

Like, oh, you're next.

This is yours right here.

They get their commission.

Thank you for calling Sears.

I got to pee again.

Probably something to do with the fact that I drank an entire liter of Coke Zero in like 30 minutes.

I've got a real problem.

Oh, hey, it's you.

How are you doing, honey?

Can I help you?

Yeah, I was wondering.

Do you have Kenmore stuff there still?

Yes, we do.

Okay, what about Whirlpool?

What happened that you guys lost Whirlpool?

With that, I would not know, sir.

I heard it was because they were scared that you guys wouldn't be able to honor your payments.

I honestly don't know, sir.

So if you have any questions regarding stuff like that, I'm not able to answer it.

I'm just an associate here, so anything that is seen on the media or seen anywhere else,

I cannot answer because, honestly, I don't know.

Okay, all right.

How's foot traffic been?

Sir, if you have a serious question, I'd be happy to answer that.

If you are just here to make a conversation, this is not the number to call.

Okay, because I don't know that you would understand because, I mean, I have a serious question about a Kenmore dryer that I need.

Okay, and I'm happy to answer that.

Do you know how they go?

All right.

She's done.

Ooh, another secret caller.

I ain't going to answer that.

Anyway, I'm going to take that break.

I'll be back in about 10 minutes.

MadhouseLive.com is the site.

During the break, masturbate.

No, don't do that.

But we got more calls to do.

We're going to call some more Sears and Kmart's.

Shit like that.

Don't go anywhere.

Be right back.

Or listen to The Nation.

Bring the call snares.

Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.

I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box.

Put it at the bottom.

So when you die, you open a tractor at the bottom.

Check the GPS and you go straight.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman, ever, ever make you who you are.

Thanks for hanging in there.

Listen, cut the break short.

Because I thought it was 9 p.m. Eastern.

It's 10 p.m. Eastern.

I got to wrap it up soon.

Shit, I did say an extra half hour.

So look at all this bullshit I've been through.

Yeah, exactly.

Anywho, so let's do a couple more pranky calls.

And I'm sorry, guys.

It's been a show replete with technical issues.

I will try to make it up to you all over the weekend.

Don't forget that I will be releasing another pilot,

the second pilot episode, if there's such a thing,

of International Telephone Business Machines, ITBM,

free to everyone.

And I think if everything goes well with it,

the next one will be Patreon exclusive.

So be sure you go to patreon.com slash madhouse

and become a horse member if you dare, if you wish.

Listen, if you're having trouble,

If you can't afford it and it's a big deal to you, let me know.

Send me a message.

Send me an email, madhouseradio.gmail.com or something.

I'll work it out.

I'll find a way that you can get it without having to contribute.

Because I know, I'm a fucking softie when it comes to that stuff.

I love my fans and listeners.

All right.

He's calling up the Sears machine.

I don't think Sears has a custom main front desk.

Thank you for calling Sears.

For English, please stay on the line.

Appliances. Large appliances.

Please tell me which department you'd like.

Large appliances.

That would be large appliances. Is that right?

Yes.

Thanks. And which can we help you with?

Store.

Great. One moment while I transfer your call.

Oh, hi. Are you the large appliance girl?

I'm sure. Give me a second.

Hey, wait a minute. Is this the front desk?

Yes, this is the front desk.

Okay, good. You guys are, when do you guys close? Like for good?

We don't know yet.

But you are going to close for good.

This is a closing store?

All right.

I'm a member of the group of men that meets in the restroom on a regular basis.

Is there any plans to where we can maybe buy the fixtures that are in the bathroom?

You will have to speak to a manager about that.

Okay.

Particularly, we're interested in the glory holes that are in the dividers in the men's stall.

Let me actually just transfer you to larger finances you can ask there

because I believe the manager is right there.

Okay, honey.

All right, bye.

Bye.

sexy major appliances oh you do appliances yes sir how can i help you uh you're a woman or a man

i am a woman sir oh boy uh is the man there no there isn't oh goodness okay this is starting

to explain a lot what's wrong with uh your company going out of business uh all right

then well then goodbye well i'm not looking for a dishwasher i mean i'm just saying thank you for

calling sears yeah hi i was looking for large appliances what's going on here okay one second

please hurry up oh homie's scratching the rug making it soft what a cute boy you can't see him

see his butt on camera come here buddy how can i help you yes hi this is a completely different

person is the manager there and no one second please no one second please head to the dispenser

here tomorrow because here's monobello home appliances hi is this the manager you want to

speak to the manager well i was told that the manager was in this department god damn it i'm

sorry let me try to find the manager personally and tell them to pick up the call this is about

the toilets i'm sorry this is about the toilets hold on give me a minute okay coco god damn the

music they're so fucking loud right you can hear it as loud on hold as when she had it on off when

was she was talking to me it's like it didn't skip a beat guys i'm really sorry about this

i mean i know the show hasn't been that bad but i'm sorry about the technical issues i'm sorry

about the youtube gaffe i'm sorry that i started late um i should have just taken my my own advice

and just you know done the show tomorrow instead i'm sorry i'm sorry what can i say i'm a stupid

kind of puerto rican person hi is this manager is this the manager yes here you go good no wonder

yeah my name is cross i am the representative for the league of gentlemen that meets in the

the bathroom here on a regular basis i'm a representative for the league of gentlemen

that meets in the bathrooms here on a regular basis i think you you may know what i'm talking

about sorry

in the men's restroom

No, I have no idea.

Okay, well, we're a group of like-minded men that meets in the Wren's restroom for networking purposes.

And, you know, we're kind of like a social club that meets there.

Is there something I can help you with?

Well, yeah, we found out that this is our favorite hangout after work.

And we found out, I guess, that the store is going to be closing down on some future date.

Sure.

Okay, well, you're on the list of stores that are closing. Is this news to you?

That's a possibility. Yeah, I'm not sure.

Okay, well, if that happens, what's going to happen to the bathroom, to the men's restroom?

No idea.

Okay, do you know what is cruising, men cruising in the bathroom?

Do you know what that is?

Do you have any other concerns that deal with, like, you might need other...

Well, I mean, I understand that when things get liquidated,

you usually make a sale on all the items in the store, you know?

We would like to recreate...

Yeah, we see that.

We're not in that process yet, so you might want to try to call back another time.

Okay, look, you know what a glory hole is?

Yeah, he knows, he knows.

you know i'm just saying i've been to a lot of sears in my life and i always see

holes in the partitions and i always i just stuff toilet paper and then whenever i would have i was

like i gotta take a shit and i don't want anyone looking at me taking a shit so i'm just gonna

stuff the hole full of toilet paper and a lot of like like graffiti of naked men and a lot of like

Like, come here, and the date was, like, five weeks ago.

Come here and tap foot.

Show hard.

I used to see that a lot, too.

Show hard.

I think it was one guy in Orlando that kept doing that,

because it was always the same looking thing of a naked man spread eagle.

It looked like the same artwork, like the same style.

You know, like, you know, a Van Gogh looks like a Van Gogh.

a fucking uh you know a nick caesar looks like a nick caesar you know what i mean you know what i

mean an msg3 clay looks like an mst3 clay or mr clay is this supposed to be called fuck that i

don't recognize that he's mst3 clay ain't no mr clay there's no mister about him if you ask me

i don't even think he has a pen 15 he doesn't even have a cock let me go back to the parkman

number see if there's anything else i can savage before i play some voicemail so anyway as i was

trying to say sorry about the show made an effort we had some chuckles it wasn't the best

it's just that's shauna cloud photography i'm having a key party and need someone to take

pictures of the event okay cool fucking dude 70s dude if i was single and if it was 40 years ago

i would still be going to like all these key parties shit no i wouldn't no one would let me

in they'd look through the fucking peephole be like there's a fat spick here i'll be just like

high school when i go to parties and it said no one invited you dude bro hello whatever sean you

heard what i said sean bitch fuck sean he probably just picked the footer and was saying we didn't

invite you dude like oh shut the air invite me fucking shit hello says sean this is hey before

we go any further you hung up just now did you hear what i was saying and you just thought it'd

be best to hang up i can't hear you who are you looking for what who is this sean i'm looking

Do you have a Sean Cloud Photography?

Oh, yeah, this is Sean Cloud Photography.

Are you Sean Cloud, or is that just a name for a business?

I am Sean Cloud.

Oh, nice.

Now I have your full name.

Great.

I see that you're offering services.

I'm going to have an event that I need someone to take pictures at.

What kind?

I don't do event photography.

It's a key party.

It's a kid's party?

A key party.

Like, we have a fishbowl, and everyone puts their keys in there,

and then you pick out a key, your set of keys,

and whoever that is is who you get intimate with.

And we're going to have a clown

who's going to be throwing firebombs up in the air

while the guys do their thing,

the guys and girls do their thing.

We'll be doing backflips.

I mean, that sounds really cool,

but that's not the style of photography

that I'm doing these days.

Did you used to do that style?

I mean, I used to do event photography,

but I really don't do much anymore.

Do you have experience with sex event parties?

Do I have a what?

Did you used to do sexual parties?

I mean, I've never done a sexual party before, no.

Okay, all right.

Have you had sex?

Do I have sex?

Yeah.

This is a really weird, is this a prank?

No, no, because I just want to make sure you're comfortable if you do end up coming, if we select you.

Honestly, I'm going to have to pass.

I'm good.

No, no, you have to make a bid.

Do you know where pee-pee goes?

I don't know what any of this is.

Do you know where the penis goes, the erect penis?

Do you know where it goes?

Yes, I do.

okay like you can go in a hole a hole is a hole as long as there's a little heat in there you know

what i mean why did he stay that long why did he why do i always ask why they stay that long

because i was expected to go nowhere see my stupid shit

all right one last prank there may be a high hold with this it's the abduer 360

Get out of my life.

Abdoer.

Thank you for calling.

I'm just going to go.

This has been recorded.

Please stand aligned to continue.

The all-new Abdoer 360.

It combines abtoning and muscle shaping with aerobics into a fun, easy-to-do movement called Abdobics.

Dramatically shed pounds and get the sensational washboard abs you've always dreamed of.

This is a special TV offer for the Abduer 360.

May I have your zip code, please?

Doer, I'll doer, yeah.

Hell yeah.

32808.

Thank you very much.

Again, that's 32808.

Yep, 32808.

For quality purposes, this call may be recorded.

And who am I speaking with today?

My name is Cross.

I'm ready to doer.

And what did you like?

Well, Cross, how are you doing this evening, first of all?

Good.

Can you tell me how the Abduer works?

um sure uh well basically i mean it's are you okay oh yeah okay um well basically you're able

to use it to exercise of course and to get into better shape and tone up and what is it that

you're looking to achieve by using it i'm looking to get better stroking and thrusts

okay and uh i got a clang i got a clang all right all right we'll save that number

on my hopeful potential

makeup show

over the weekend, I can maybe mess with them

a little more.

We had fun today, right?

We called Jet. We had some funny calls

to Big Jet. Indian

calls were eh.

The Sears ones were kinda eh.

It wasn't that bad. When the shit worked,

right? When the shit worked.

I'll stop apologizing.

Let's play the voicemails.

Let me go back to...

I got them going back to Friday.

gonna play for reasons that i don't want to talk about

wait wait wow

hey tom petty died on december

oh come on you gotta be ready if you're gonna be free falling

nice nice free falling yeah but you gotta be ready with the facts

If you're gonna try to be like a bitchery guy

Just saying

Come on man

You can't be like

Carlito

Primo

Hey

Que onda

Hey Colson

And I just want to ask you a serious question

I'm not trying to be

Getting into your business

I'm not trying to

Piss you off

Or be disrespectful at all

I just

There's a point to my question

But what I'd like to know is

how serious are you about doing your show, dude?

Huh?

I mean, you should be bringing in quite a bit of money by now.

That's all right.

You should have it locked down pretty much,

at least to the point where you don't have to work a straight job.

No.

I don't mean, like, gay job.

Dude, $400-something a month is not I'm going to retire

or leave my real job.

Are you fucking crazy?

I got bills to pay, motherfucker.

I got a wife and kids.

i mean i love to be there i love to be making that bright card of money but i ain't nowhere

near that yet homeboy look he's spreading the show maybe one day i can because i hate my

fucking job this is just a restaurant you should have seen me yelling today at fucking work i was

actually yelling i was pissed i was like i ain't going down there unless they got it ready i want

a spreadsheet i said really loud so all the managers can hear it i don't give a fuck car

car fucking leader i think you're supposed to have gravy on it buddy and not to burst your

bubble but country fried steak does not have any chicken in it uh all right here we go

but i wish you a kitty cat horse machine christmas what i wish you a kitty cat horse machine christmas

a gay horse machine yes i wish you a horsey kitty cat merry christmas chicken

christ jesus christ chicken well you're obsessed with that shit which that reminds me uh pranks

giving we're already putting in the work early this year uh brad carter said he's committed he's

going to be available we're looking at a possible show where uh you can actually join in yourself on

discord that may happen i'll be doing my show um i believe dom the bomb expressed interest in doing

his show again this year like he did so i think we're i think the community's rocking right now

on on 12 cylinders so i think we're good for prank skimming any of the uh show hosts out there

who are not necessarily on PCN

but are friends and you're

interested to have availability for

this Thanksgiving

this Black Friday

really, hit me up

let me know out there on the Twitters

or the Facebooks or whatever

see if we can get you a spot. Lux

also said, I think Lux is saying he'd like to do a show

with his friend Basket

that little Basket nipples

Okay

Yeah, you know, it's been a shit show

sorry buddy this show's not working fix the show yeah i know i know man i fixed it though

hey carlos cross hey milkman this is mike hunt hey mike just wanted to give you guys a shout

out that you guys are doing a great job oh but i think you guys need to update your name

your name should be carnitas the sweet pork and milkman should be sancho get with the times bro

love your show sancho my donkey friend milkman thank you car i love some carnitas man some

Some pork carnitas.

The sweet pork, though.

I don't know what you're getting at with that.

Ain't nothing sweet about the way I pork.

Ask your wife.

Oh, all right, guys.

I think we're done.

I've done enough damage.

It is 1030 on the dot.

So thanks for tuning in.

Really quick, badhouselive.com is that website where you can go and get all the links.

Be sure to support the show over at patreon.com slash badhouse.

Tune into the show whenever you can using the shoutcast system.

links are over at madhouse live.com you can use your tune in radio app or whatever shellcast app

you have on your mobile device hell you can even listen to on your alexa device just say alexa

madhouse prank call radio and you can hear it be sure to join the hijinks chat hijinks.fun

slash pranks i believe it is yeah or discord.gg slash pranks one of them two hijinks.fun hijinks.fun

slash pranks join the discord chat there for the major community the community at large uh

yeah i mean nothing else must you do if you want to leave a voicemail during the week you can 405

396-6884 i got a caffeine headache now i'm gonna fall asleep after drinking a two liter of what a

week it's just been a week guys i'm out of here i'll try to do something this weekend and make

up for all this love you guys bye whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa you can't go necessarily yet

listen i gotta check the uh super chats i saw a few i gotta give those up let's see

you over there to the streamable all right going in backwards order mobons sw donated a super chat

and said threaten to shave someone's head or i won't donate oh bro man but you already donated

i'll do it saturday or sunday or monday or friday whenever i do a show next show i will do it only

one ob chef original said do something with the angry chicken lock with you okay right right i

I need to pay attention to these more often.

Big LJ donated, said no venison burgers this year.

I believe he sent me a message saying that he had found out

that Arby's may not be doing the venison burger this year,

which is a shame.

He also said, buy you and Homer some big-ass bacon burgers.

Oh, Homer ate a burger today.

Yeah, he went to Doggy Day Care and had a burger.

He ate the shit out of that motherfucker.

Then he came home and ate his regular dog dinner.

Walter Heimlich maneuver donated, said,

He said, we need more Cross and RBCP, helicopter hijinks.

That's right, everyone.

Be sure to check out the Snowplow Show, and be sure to check out the latest episode.

One of the latest episodes where me and Brad just did pranks out of a helicopter.

So go over to Snowplow Show, the Snowplow Show website.

Phone losers.org should get you where you need to go.

Had a whole episode with Brad Carter.

It was a lot of fun, and we need to do a lot more of those more often.

and Brad said we should do more of those

just once or twice a year like we do

and I agree, it's a lot of fun

and thanks to Brad, last week we had a really hilarious show

it's on the podcast that was released today

from last week

that fake lawyer

be sure to check that out

really, be sure to check that out

it was a funny prank, it was at the beginning of last week's show

I think that's it

okay, we're good there, alright, we're covered

now we can go, now we can go

alright guys, I'll catch you here soon

if not, by next week I'll be back

that. See you later.

Calls (28, 1 h 23 min of 2 h 18 min)

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