Mushroom Sauce – 10/25/2018 Show - Madhouse Live Search

Well, hello there.

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Alright, I don't know what's going on

Hi everyone, we're still having trouble with that music player thing

So let's just all pretend the intro worked, play it into play, and hopefully it doesn't happen again.

How y'all doing? Thanks for tuning in. This is Madhouse Radio Machine, and I'm Carlito, your host.

I'm hoping that YouTube is working. It looks like it is. Alright, YouTube!

YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, M-E-S. I didn't turn on the cams. There it is.

I look fat tonight because I am fat in real life. Yeah, let's hear it for fat.

Fat people, fat people rule the prank call world.

Yeah, for real, man.

That Chicago meetup.

Jesus Christ, what a bunch of fatties.

I mean, God damn it.

Let's do a pranky call.

Let's have some fun tonight.

Hope you all are having a good week.

We'll get to everything in a minute.

Fat people nation.

Thanks, BAP.

B-A-P, Big BAP.

Listen to the BAP show, Back Alley Pranks on Mixler.

It's a good show.

It's crazy.

Drop some acid and listen to that.

Hello?

Hey, how you doing?

and it was communicating with you regarding the pokemon cards oh okay yeah i'm gonna get this

shit i gotta get this fucking shit out of here okay where do you want to my fucking kid well

i caught him masturbating to homosexual pornography on the internet when i got home today from work i

got home early uh and we can't have that in this house i took away all the damn pokemon cards

okay he ain't getting shit anymore he i there's a good 100 200 pokemon cards here

Okay.

Are you a seller?

Do you sell them, or is this for your kids?

No, my nephew likes to play with those cards, and he told me he's still collecting.

Okay.

Because I think part of what's going on is that the Pokemon cards have the devil in them, too.

So if you're okay with that, then you can have all these cards.

What do you mean by that?

I have no clue about what those cards are.

well it's it's like a game that the kids play but they put satanic like things in them in the cards

so the kids the kids learn about satan and black magic and everything yeah so it's and my son

playing with i think that's why he has homosexual attractions now are you sure that will make him

do that i don't know because it's japanese you know and the cartoons and everything they have

have lots of flashing lights and then i saw uh do you know who pat robertson is he's uh and joel

joel osteen do you know who they are no they're uh like televangelist preacher god they're men of

god you know and oh and they were explaining how the pokemon cards are made by the liberal

democrats elites to influence the children into homosexuality and satan worshiping so god yeah so

So I don't I don't I don't want this.

I don't want this in my house.

Huh?

If you are true about that, I don't want my nephew to play with that neither.

Yeah, but I mean, you sound like you're Asian.

Are you Japanese or Chinese?

Chinese.

OK, yeah.

I mean, you people already don't believe in God, so that won't be a problem.

Don't do that.

I'm a Christian.

Yeah, but you're Chinese.

You're a communist.

You don't believe in God.

Santa Claus doesn't come to your house.

OK.

okay don't you believe don't you pray to the dragon and believe in the dragon i believe in

god i'm a christian i don't know about dragon or anything like that i thought the chinese people

pray to the dragon and all that that's what they believe in and the wall okay do you want

do you want the pokemon cards yes i will i will get it when you coming uh where do you want me

to meet you can you meet me at the walmart's you call me when you're at walmart's and i'll

i'll be there walmart uh is it the one on home yeah oh okay yeah i know i know that is okay

how long it take how long it take you um probably 20 minutes 20 minutes okay call me when you're

there i'll be there i'm gonna go there now but you call me when you're there and then i'll find you

okay okay okay okay thank you please don't don't make me go and waste gas all right

and not come all right you coming for real oh yeah okay all right bye

Bye.

Oh, what's your name?

My name is Horse.

How do you spell it?

H-O-R-S-E.

A horse?

Yeah.

Okay.

My name is Melanie.

Okay.

Bye.

All right.

Melanie.

Okay.

See ya.

Okay.

Bye, honey.

Bye.

Bye, babe.

Sally, no.

We're giving away Pokemon.

Pokemon card machines with the devil.

With the devil in them.

Yeah.

that's what we call a normal call clearing i'm still unsure why that happened but it does

don't worry folks we got parkman numbers and all that stuff hello answer so yeah parkman numbers

got swap shop numbers we got lots of things we can do tonight so don't worry i'm gonna get to

them all be excited hello yeah hi you contacted me regarding pokemon cards uh yeah and where are

How's it going?

Terrible right now.

Very bad.

I'm sorry, dear.

I need to get rid of the damn cards as soon as possible.

Okay.

My son's not going to...

I can leave right...

Huh?

I'm sorry?

No, you go ahead.

Oh, just saying.

I can leave right now.

I live in Natoma.

Oh, yeah?

So...

Oh, yeah?

Well, you want to meet me at the Walmarts?

Yeah, I can be there.

What can you be there?

I'll look at my GPS right now, and I'll tell you when the exact time I'll be there.

All right.

well if you're leaving now i'm gonna i'm gonna head out there now well please don't just not

come all right oh of course not all right please i don't i appreciate that all right give me a just

send me a text i'm gonna head out now all right i gotta just put some uh put a shirt on okay all

right thank you a clean shirt okay what was your name uh i mean okay i mean i mean that that oh

good salam alaikum oh yeah well i come slim okay good all right i mean inshallah right yep yeah

Yeah, Sharmuta.

I don't know much.

All right.

Well, you need to learn more.

We'll talk about that.

I'm on my way.

Bye.

Okay, bye.

We're going to get a lot of people at the Walmarts, motherfucker, and then we're going

to swat them.

Yeah.

Let's be rude to one person.

Let's see where that gets us.

This is the calling, Glenn.

Leave a message.

Record your message after the tone.

Simply hang up when done.

Or for delivery options, press the pound sign.

We'll call about them Pokemon cards.

Let's go.

go jesus christ guys take this he's just texting me back it's gonna take him 37 minutes to get

there and this guy rude text is calling about the cards god damn it you fucking want them or no

give him a few minutes to marinate hey folks let's get to some uh let's get to some shit um

madhouselive.com is my website as i mentioned earlier there you can get all the tune in links

tuning in links to the streams that broadcast 24 7 mostly on shoutcast youtube also my youtube

youtube channel is madhouse radio uh you got we got links to apps that you can use such as tune

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Also, International Telephone Business Machines, ITBM.

That next episode, I've edited what I had.

I need some more pranks to make the next one.

So that should be this weekend, I promise.

It's going to be another free-for-all.

It'll be on the main feed.

It'll be shared with everyone.

I think this will be the last one that I do that with.

after that you have to be a horse member on the patreon you need to be a horse level patreon

supporter in order to get access to that exclusive podcast that i'm doing it's good probably it's

going to be at least twice a week uh to start out michael weekly if things uh if things upgrade from

there thank you thank you um and it's basically just prank calls raw straight prank calls that

are funny that i do that are not on this show they're just strictly uh madhouse prank calls

that are made off the Madhouse show, basically.

All right, you get it?

I hope you understand, guys.

If you want to join in tonight, you can.

You can call in and be a caller.

You can do pranks or just say hi or sit in for a prank, whatever you want.

405-396-6884.

Once again, that's 405-39-MOUTH.

405-396-6884.

Call in, why don't you?

Ginger ale, Canada dry, diet, of course.

and i decided to grind i uh took a lemon zester and scraped some ginger into it pretty good pretty

good much hotter and i learned that it says on like canada dry it says uh made with real ginger

and it's not apparently it's a big controversy big lawsuit in canada about that some lady says

she kept she was giving it to her kids when they had stomach aches and then she found out that if

you look at the ingredients and it's true if you look at the ingredients on the stuff there's no

ginger in it at all so uh what's the truth naughty naughty if i caught this one this guy's

leaving it a little but it's gonna take him a half damn hour to get there all right here's

another pokemon one and then we'll do some other stuff for a little bit let's do this be rude

really quick i've reached the voicemail box of hello yeah hi i'm calling about the pokemon

fucking cards oh yeah uh-huh yeah you want that yeah i do yeah i'd like him for my grandson yeah

Yeah, well, my son got caught.

He was doing a satanic ritual, so we're taking away all the satanic Pokemon cards.

We asked our pastor about it.

He said that these card games have the devil in them.

They teach the children about satanic stuff, black magic and things like that.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, he just collects them.

He doesn't trade them or anything.

He just collects them.

Oh, you're sure?

How old is your son?

Yeah, he's only eight years old.

Well, my son's nine.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

No, and he has them in binders, and he has them all, you know,

the ones he does have, he has them in binders, and he has them organized.

My son had them in his binders all in the bed, and he had them open,

and he was masturbating in front of them.

Oh, my God, really?

And when I asked him why he was doing that, he said that the devil told him to do it.

Oh, wow.

Kind of scary.

Yeah.

So where do you want to meet together?

Okay, we're about to see what part of town are you in.

I'm just getting off work.

I'm not working out in Grove, but I'm heading toward...

I'm in Tahoe fucking Park.

Tahoe?

Yeah.

You know where that shit is?

Yeah.

All right, you want to get these shits or not?

Because you're satanic.

I don't want them around.

Well, you know what?

You're scaring me.

What do you mean?

About being satanic.

Well, I mean, I don't know if it's true or not.

And why are you eating when I'm talking to you on the phone?

Oh, no, I'm not eating.

I'm walking.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I was like, you're either eating, you're walking, or you're, you know...

No, I'm just walking because I'm walking out to my car.

but maybe you're fucking or something all right you're right never mind no come on free cards

free cards i got her scared hi oops all right so we got two people on the way should be getting

calls soon from elisa chinese lady and i could say that because she actually was chinese

and she should be proud about being chinese uh all right numbers and parkman in the meantime

Amish Traditions Furniture Store.

Call before 8.

Well, that's right now.

Hey, sure.

Yeah.

Hey, how you doing?

Good.

How are you?

Good.

I need furniture that can withstand my father's weight.

Okay.

He weighs 482 pounds.

He's a big fat.

Okay.

All right.

What, uh, what, uh, you're looking for a chair?

Uh, I'm looking for a wooden bed.

Wooden bed?

Like a wood mattress.

I don't do wood.

I don't have mattresses at all.

Well, you can make a big mattress out of wood, right?

Like a big block of wood.

We don't do anything like that.

I'm sorry.

What about the bed frame?

The bed frame is wood, and then the slats going across that would be.

We just don't do anything with mattresses at all.

But, yeah, all of my bed frames, I could add some extra bracing underneath

or some extra supports underneath those slats.

No problem.

He likes to fuck.

Also, that's the thing.

He goes on Craigslist and gets the women to come over.

and they fuck in the bed and he insists on doing 69 but he hits on top and he gets really into it

he starts jumping up and down really like that was an accident i didn't mean they hit that button

that was the wrong one oh he insists on being on top so i texted that one person one person that i

called that didn't answer i sent a text you want the cards or no no in all caps i'm calling and

And person responded back, I do, but I don't answer the phone in the bathroom.

Still in the bathroom.

Because I'm going to call back.

I'm going to call back from the bathroom taking a shit.

Yeah, motherfuckers.

See if I can find my shitting sound effect.

I found a better one.

Oh, yeah.

Dude, this is fucked up.

So this is supposed to play in the intro.

but this is this is the the racist robocall um that was calling people in florida uh from the

nazi group about andrew gillum who's a democrat who's running and probably gonna win in florida

hopefully he does i'm just saying because dude i that fucking desantis i'm i'm invested into this

because i was born and raised in florida and i lived there up until seven years ago but yeah

that ron desantis is a fucking i saw him in a debate he's fucking stupid he looks so fucking

Fucking weird.

Just making weird faces and shit.

Anyway, here's that.

This is real fucked up.

Listen to this.

And it reminds me of a story.

And I'll tell you that if I remember afterwards.

Well, here's the thing.

I'll be asking you to make me governor of this here state of Florida.

My Steve Cunningham, who's going to call me monkey, is doing a lot of hollering about

how expensive my plans for health care are being.

But he be thinking of the white man's medicine, which is very expensive.

It's medicine.

Because it uses science and whatnot.

Now, with the medicine of my African race be very affordable, for instance, putting the chicken feets under your pillow during the full moon don't cost harder than nothing at all.

So I promise that you make me Andrew Dillon, the governor of every people's wealthy alien, will get all the chicken feets they need.

As to the claim by my esteemed opponent that I don't like the Jews, nothing be further from the truth.

It was the Jews who owned the slave trade what done brought us Negroes to America to give it.

and they're the ones that have been putting Negroes in charge over the white folk,

just like they've done after the Civil War.

All the Jews don't vote me, and you kill me.

Governor, this is your state of the world.

This message paid for by TheRoadToPower.com.

Yeah, The Road to Power, let's hear it for them.

I went to the site, and it's this fucking really weird fucking white guy.

He looks like a tall elf.

He just has very elfine features.

teachers and his show sucks uh and he's in idaho why is he fucking involved why does he fucking

care stick to idaho bro go whiten up idaho with your white supremacist views and keep your hands

off of florida jesus i swear so the story that reminds me of down in orlando there's a am station

a talk station they're conservative on the dial wdbo 580 am and on the weekends they they used

i don't know if they still do but it was called ask the experts weekends and instead of doing

their normal rehash political shows syndicated rush limbaugh uh you know all them dr laura was

on there dr laura ingram and there were a couple local conservatives over the weekends they turned

it over to like professionals who had their show so there was like a a cardiac doctor really old

guy that would get on there and talk about cardiac stuff and medicine and then there was like a

a a gardener guy gardening expert there was so stuff like that so i would call him prank call

him saturdays and sundays i would sit there and prank call him and listen to myself and record

it on cassette tape and i can't i actually my dad probably has those unless he threw them out

i don't know hopefully i can get a hold of those anyway so one time the car repair experts

they magic matter of fact they're called the magic mechanics i remember that they had they

They had the magic mechanics, magic car auto repair, something down in Orlando, down in the 407.

And they did a bit, and it was Amos and Andy, what you just heard, the hello there.

It was that.

It was just a bit.

It wasn't racist, but it was just like some dumb radio bit they did about cars.

And the two guys were just going, oh, hello there.

And now they're going to say, oh, hello, Kingfisher, like that.

So I called in and I said, man, that's really racist, you know, saying that shit.

um and they're like what do you know we weren't racist at all and i said no as a matter of fact

that's amos and andy and they're a well-known early racist radio minstrel wannabe show from

the early days of radio they they got all weird about it and some stuff went down behind the

scenes apparently because they came back the next week and they made a big apology at the top of the

show and all this stuff that they didn't mean to offend anyone and if anyone knows them that

they're not racist and all this stuff i was just called i was just fucking i was just giving i was

just repping them you know i wasn't being serious about it i was yeah let me fuck with them i got

them on something and i think they got in trouble i don't know they're on the air still the magic

mechanics but yeah yeah you can't do that you can't say hello there all right don't do it

here's another amish furniture store anyone have an idea for amish furniture

what is for the child i'll do a call as amos or andy i don't know who's who i don't know i

I don't listen to racist radio from the 1930s, so I don't know.

I'm going to tell it to you, Chris.

Hello there.

Hi there.

My name is Negro Andrew Gillum.

Okay.

And I was looking for a bed.

Okay.

Does you make the bed out of wood?

Yes.

And that wood, what kinds of wood does it be?

All different kinds.

All Midwestern American woods.

And will it hold up when I fuck my wife?

Yes.

How much weight can I put on there?

uh how much fish you weigh yeah i i can't keep doing that 482 pounds i can't i just can't it's

racist you know to say what to do what i was doing a little bit a little bit yeah but is it's you

know what are there any is there any of them around right now uh no i it's funny to do it you

know it's funny to say when they're not around right i love saying stuff like that when i look

around and i'm like is there any of them here and then when i see there's none i'm like i go

you know and then i say a joke or i talk i say oh hello like that you know and i kind of i find it

better than arnold schwarzenegger uh people don't like my arnold schwarzenegger oh no i just you

know i just make racist things but it's just this is funny it's funny sometimes you know but you

can't do that all the time you know i would recommend not doing it all the time whether

I have a customer here.

Do you have a question for me?

No, no.

I was just, you know, trying to bust your balls, but I can't.

Okay.

All right.

All right, honey.

No worries.

All right.

How are you doing?

All right.

I'll suck your dick.

All right?

All right.

I got to get going.

All right.

Cool.

All right, bud.

And that's why you can't do it.

I just say it's funny when they're not around.

For information about books, how can I help you?

I have a list of books that I'm looking for.

Just a few titles.

I was wondering if you have them there.

Yeah, I can check on that for you.

All right.

You let me know when you're ready, honey.

All right.

Are you looking to order these over the phone, or are you looking to find them at a specific location?

I'm trying to see if any of your locations carry them.

They're not the most popular books.

All right.

Okay, I'm ready for that first title.

All right.

The first one is Uh, Uh, Uh, I think it is.

It's UGH, three times.

Uh, uh, uh.

Do you have an author on that one?

I do not.

I'm not seeing anything with three repeated uhs.

Okay, nothing with three repeated uhs.

All right, scratch that then.

Do you have Go Make Me a Sandwich?

God damn it.

All right, I'm not seeing anything for that one either.

All right, I got three left here.

Let's see, hopefully you got at least one of these

because I need them for a project report that's coming up.

My eye hit the doorknob.

I'm not immediately seeing anything.

Do you have an author for that one?

Melinda Torres.

lores i don't see anything by that author all right let's see if you got this one i'm gonna

throw you down the stairs you fucking woman you you have an author on that one yeah flash floods

i'm not seeing any records for that uh being a book anywhere are you sure you have the author

correct yeah they'll go to my my last one is let's see here i got a book did i just give you

the one by flash floods yeah all right the other one is women are inferior the story of a dumb

girl who didn't know how to look up books hurry

up let's go let's fucking go are you uh would you like to find any uh real

books that was still part of the title of the book well don't get nasty with me this is the

kind of books i read i wouldn't i'm just you know i'm searching google and i haven't found

is this a feminist bookstore is this feminist bookstore what you keep you're breathing too

much into the phone what's wrong why is your big nose so close to the receiver why is your big

woman nose so close to the receiver you're good you stop is there a manager i can talk to

there's a trick i learned if you turn it way down you know so everyone i need to tone down the

The feminine slurs.

I'm coming away from my dad.

Whatever.

She doesn't even know how.

She doesn't even.

You know what I'm going to say.

No feminine slurs.

All right.

We got some more respondents.

Someone's at the Walmart by the pharmacy.

All right.

Who is this?

One of the two made it to the Walmarts.

Let's call them first because I don't want them to have to wait.

Yeah.

Hey, how you doing?

How are you?

Good.

You won the Pokemon cards.

Did you bring me egg drop soup?

What's that?

Egg drop soup.

you take chicken chicken broth or bouillon and water you bring it to a boil you add cornstarch

and you mix it together and then you beat an egg and you drizzle the egg into the boiling water

did you not give me huh that's not chinese food oh okay what's chinese food like diarrhea that

you put inside the bowl and eat it you put it in the microwave no not really most people they like

um i'm making it right now i'm making chinese food chinese food listen i'm on the toilet right

now i'm making chinese soup yeah i'm in the i'm in the bathroom in the walmart oh this isn't this

normal thing right what i'm doing right now is this normal oh hello yeah okay i'm in the toilet

it okay yeah you want i'm waiting i'm waiting by the pharmacy okay all right all right i'll be

right there i've just got to wash up here i had diarrhea really bad diarrhea yeah and you can't

come in here you can't come in here huh are you kidding me no no i'm not killing you no are you

kidding me no i wouldn't do that i wouldn't hurt you and i don't even know you and i'm not a person

that hurts people did you ask me to go to the bathroom well no you can't that's what i'm saying

you're not allowed to okay this is for this is for boys in here not for girls you know my bad

you're bad okay look i'll be right out just come wait in front of the toilets all right by the

register okay all right bye i gotta take a shit all right bye see you i think she's fine she's

good even if it's a waste of time she'll pick up some stuff she sounds like a walmart shopper

the other guys there too oh no someone else we're still waiting for that person to arrive

hope you guys are having fun with the show hello hi is this big casey this is casey oh that's a

boy's name you know what when i texted it it i was always texting and so it automatically wrote

it up in the boy's name my name is actually spelled k-a-z-i-e so yeah oh what's that

uh that's sick yeah i have the poops you know uh did you want me there yeah i'm sorry i'm barely

able to hear you right now did you want the pocahontas yes i did okay um can you want me

to go walmart sure what what walmart is it hang on okay hang on let me get out of here first okay

all right there we go that's better oh now i can hear you much better yeah i was in the toilet i

I was taking a shit in the toilet, you know?

Oh, come on.

Taking a shit in the toilet.

All right.

So, you know the Walmart?

My husband knows it.

All right.

Well, tell him to get his ass in the truck or whatever it is and get over here and get these motherfuckers.

Oh, what did your kid do?

Well, he was doing a satanic thing with the cards, and I want him out of here.

Oh, okay.

We will come and get them.

Okay.

I will have my husband go and meet you.

yeah please and don't when do you want him well i can leave now because he's not okay my husband

can leave now okay have a walmart and have him call me or text me when he's there i'm going to

be there it takes me five minutes all right and yeah because my son all right it will take him

about 20 or 25 minutes shit all right we're we're up at we're up at we're in you know up your ass

you know we're really we're still close all right honey baby all right honey all right he will he

will be on his way all right and you'll be home alone you'll be home alone okay okay talk to you

later bye-bye bye i need a better i thought i thought too

because two was kind of low it was echoey but a low kind of echo all right so this person said

said they were getting in the shower let me try to call what the fuck let's try to call back oh

here's a caller uh hey there i just uh pulled up at walmart oh hey yeah i'm inside in the toilet

i'm sorry i'm inside the wall right now to understand you right now toilet i'm in the

the toilet right now oh oh at walmart yeah okay sorry about that all right i'll see you in a few

minutes can you come in here uh yeah all right well i'll meet you at the pharmacy or can you

come into the bathroom like where the bathrooms are uh yeah i'll come out over there they all

say it's hard to understand i just want a fucking toilet echo i wanted to sound like i'm in the

shit yeah that ain't gonna work maybe if i bring it down a little bit maybe like this this might

If I'm at this level, with a little normal in it, okay, all right, let's try.

Here's another person that was looking for Pokemon cards.

Hello?

Well, I do want them, but at the moment, I'm waiting for my card to get back.

Oh, I'm taking a shit right now.

You're what?

Shit.

No, no, really, shit, shit.

I'm outside of the bathrooms in front of the store.

Let me call him again.

I'm going to tell him I'm an Asian Chinese lady at the pharmacy.

I'm still in here.

Yeah, no worries.

I'll be out here whenever you're done.

No rush.

Can you do me a favor?

Can you go get me a pair of rustler jeans?

Sorry?

Can you check to see if they have size 42 rustler jeans, 42-30 length?

Yeah, I can't understand.

Should I just come in there?

I don't know.

Yeah, just come in here, please.

I'm right here.

I'm in the handicapped stall.

Still having trouble hearing me.

Oh, God.

He's headed back.

He's headed into there.

I feel like a little, just a little touch of echo.

i think this might do it just a little touch a little touch yeah that might do it that's a little

more realistic all right cool all right shitting in the toilet today with the pokemon cards yeah

this one goes out to bill cosby anyway i'm gonna go back to the parkman numbers or let me try some

swap shops first real quick see if i can get some swap shop action while i take a shit because i'm

a child i'm really and you know the childish pranks that i do juvenile i don't know why you

people even listen to this thing this thing we call madhouse he's texting me now he says he's

not seeing anyone inside i don't see anyone inside hi my daughter would love the cards if

still available all right we could do that let's see yeah hey can you hear me okay oh yeah i hear

you oh good yeah i'm i'm still in here because i'm you know uh which bathroom did you go to the

front i'm back at layaway it's hard again are you at the front yeah i'm masturbating now oh i'm uh

on the phone outside the the front i'm outside the bathroom on the phone okay all right do you

want to come in and help me masturbate and then we can do this thing uh no well come on just i'm

here now you know i figured you came down uh okay bye i won't hurt you or nothing at least my

I won't use my teeth or anything, you know?

No, it's okay, buddy.

Come on, but I'll give you the cards.

I'll give you the cards.

No, that's okay, buddy.

That moment he notices it was all a waste of time.

Making him waste that gas tonight.

Yeah.

Here's the person that wants it for his daughter.

Or hers.

I don't know.

Echo, one last time.

Yeah, hi.

Can you hear me okay?

Yeah, I can hear you.

Oh, I'm in the toilet, you know.

Thanks, man.

Okay, I'm just sorry.

I have to do my business.

While I do my business.

Okay.

This is about the Pokemon cards?

Yes.

Okay, and do you collect them, or sell, or play, or...

No, my daughter collects them.

Okay, well, oh, but this is for boys.

It's for what?

It's for boys.

It doesn't have to be.

Well, it's supposed to be.

Well, then maybe we're not the right people for you to give them to, then.

Well, no, you do what you want.

I mean, I'm just warning you, you know.

I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be for boys.

Well, she already has some of them, so...

oh she plays and everything how old is she she eight my son's eight no she's 15 oh hang on i'm

flushing the toilet over here oh okay i'm poking my car test yeah you know what man i'm good thank

you i'm good thanks bye is she lesbian some guy's calling me taking a shit yeah lady because i'm

carlito the king of prank calls yeah yeah all right we did the bookstore that was from parkman

man. Let's try the lab techs that are needed. They need lab techs. Let's see what I can do with that.

Hey, how you doing, honey? How are you? Okay. I see that you're looking for lab tech. You have

a lab tech job? Yes. Okay. Looking to see if I can get in. Are you the interviewing manager for

this or are you just a girl that answers the phone? I am the recruiting person. I'm the recruiter

on the position. Oh, very nice, honey. Do you want the link to apply? Well, I have questions

first okay are you familiar with umbrella corporation yeah okay yeah i used to work for

them okay all right now i'm not huh i have a gag order regarding that my time there okay all right

now um will i be reporting to a man or not man um that depends on what what position it is so

give me one moment let me look it up i use a toilet while you do that all right okay thanks

Is there anything else I can help you with?

You were checking into something for me regarding the job.

Well, what I report to, man or woman?

I can't hear you.

Well, it's because I'm urinating.

Hang on, I'm almost done.

Man, I tell you, like these beers, they go right through me, you know?

It's like the minute you pee once after you drink a beer, you can't stop, you know?

For the rest of the night.

Oh, it's the worst.

I'm washing my hands here.

Alright, taking pees.

It's true though, man.

When you're drinking after that first pee, forget it.

The floodgates are open.

Good afternoon, Mr. Walsh.

How can I help you?

Hi, how you doing?

Fine, how can I help you?

I married a ladyboy in Las Vegas, and I didn't know until the honeymoon.

You mean transsexual?

Whatever.

Is that what you mean?

Where I'm from, we say ladyboy.

Okay.

So you thought it was a woman, but it's a boy.

Well, it was a lie, is what the whole thing is.

Now, is it true that as long as I don't have the paperwork filed, it never happened?

No, no.

No, the paper gets filed whether you think it does or not.

When you have someone marry you, they end up filing it.

So you don't have to file it.

They file it.

The priest or minister or Elvis Presley in Vegas, whoever marries you, they file it with the clerk.

It was a prince impersonator, I guess, that we called or the staff at the hotel called.

and he says something about the universal life church that i'm ordained with the universal life

church he had like the purple gown on and the wig and all that and he came out with a big guitar

well you know i you have to assume he that that no no no no don't assume you know what you know

what they say you make an ass out of you and me yeah you know how they say that right the smart

fucking people that say that right shit i guess so how do i get started well what you do is you

you go to our website uh nevada divorce dot u.s nevada divorce dot u.s just dot u.s and on that

website under the annulment section i presume you want an annulment if you want a divorce

what's the difference hello what's the difference i'm taking where do you where do you where do you

live sir i'm in a hotel right now no what city what state do you live in uh well alaska okay

Okay, where were you married?

Las Vegas.

Married in Las Vegas.

Yeah.

I'm taking a shit right now.

You can do an annulment.

So what's that mean?

What's the difference?

Well, a divorce is a divorce.

It's on your record as a divorce.

An annulment cancels the marriage.

Oh, now I've got a record.

Oh, shit.

Yeah.

An annulment cancels the marriage means you never got married in the first place.

Yeah, but I did get married.

You're not even married with an annulment.

I did get married.

sir you're listening to me not listening to me if you get an annulment in nevada it cancels the

legal marriage means you never married that person in the first place but i still went to the marriage

you know i was still there the prince was there we sure we don't care legally what do you mean

don't be like why you don't mean you don't care i mean this is really a bad situation i'm in

i understand that's what you're not listening i said three times three times i've said that

legally you're not married once you get an annulment it cancels the marriage okay because

you were saying that i never it's like i never got married at all and i did get married don't

put that on me that's exactly what it means that's a lie you never got married in the first

place well why can i how can i lie to the court you're trying to get me lie you're trying to get

me in trouble trying to get you in trouble when i went to them when prince was there

And there was a lady here who looked like Sheila Easton.

Sir, I'm telling you, when you get an annulment, it cancels the original marriage in Las Vegas as though it never happened.

Okay.

That's what an annulment means, sir.

So I'll wake up and it's like it never happened.

I've been in an annulment for 24 years.

I'm going to wake up and it's like it never happened.

Exactly. You wake up and it legally never happened.

So how do you administer this? Under anesthesia?

So I'm trying to help you, and you're making jokes of this.

I'm not making jokes.

I mean, you're saying I'm going to wake up,

and I'm not going to remember anything.

It never happened.

It's just like I came.

I was at the casino.

I didn't say you wouldn't remember anything.

I said when you wake up, it means the marriage never legally happened.

Is it an injection?

And do I need to have, like, my medical records sent over from my doctor in Alaska?

Sir, call somebody else.

Hey, asshole, I command you to help me.

oh very frustrated with me that man let's try them again i did everything i could to get them

i mean i was shitting homo homo foe i was being a homo foe before her call has been forwarded to

an automatic voice message system all right we got a call let's get in the toilet oh too late

well we had a caller but i was taking too long i had a song i had a a new um vaporwave thing

queued up here but i lost the shit let me get it just a moment one moment please i'm just gonna

guess that by now the guy that i had looking at the toilets looking at the bathrooms is gone right

no way he's still there i'm not gonna bother bothering him and that chinese lady probably

gone too by now no need to bother them did pokemon cards are satanic right that's what

my no they're not i see what i do hello time is it well we're past an hour into the show already

huh guys before you know it it'll be break time and then we'll be signing off i can't wait to be

done with you guys all right here we go i found it cyber city is the name of this one hope you

guys enjoy make sure let me make sure that next one yes it is okay all right back to the phone

list we go back to the numbers from mr parkman who provided that previous one to the nevada

quick divorce thank you so this one here security officer job we are in shadow security officer in

in charge i'm not in at this time asshole lizzie fucking those people california gymnastics let's

do it got a reuse idea here from a couple years ago see is this california is california gymnastics

yes it is good good i'm looking to get some information regarding your classes sure how

old is your son or daughter uh well i have a son he is nine are you interested in classes for him

Well, yeah, but I need to see how the classes are conducted before I let him come in.

I'd like to come and watch a class or two just to see how it goes and bring him around, see if he can get accustomed to it.

Yeah, yeah, that's not a problem at all.

You're more than welcome to come in.

We've got boys' classes.

Let's see, you said he's nine.

Oh, yeah.

Right now, we only have a Thursday evening at 6.50 p.m. and a Saturday morning at 11.

Saturday morning at 11?

Yes.

Okay.

I want to come and see it on my own, the first class, and then the next class I'd like to bring him, and we'll both watch it, and then maybe he could speak with the instructor.

Sure, yeah, that's not a problem. The instructor's name is Coach Matt.

All right, okay. And the first time when I come in, is there ample seating for me to watch?

I'm sorry, could you say that again?

I'm in the toilet right now. I'm sorry.

No, that's okay.

Let me just step out here. Okay, is that better?

Yeah, that's better.

Yeah, my pants are on my ankles right now because I have to wipe still.

After we're done, though, I'll wait because I want you to be able to hear me.

So is there a seating area there where I can watch the show?

Yes, there is.

Okay, all right.

Can I be covered in a blanket while I watch?

in a, I'm sorry, in a blanket?

Yeah, I don't want to be seen.

Um.

I cut holes in the blanket for my eyes.

Uh, no.

And I watch, I watch, you know.

I guess, uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

She doesn't know what to do.

She don't know what to do.

Let's call back, see if we can get a hold of Coach Matt.

Coach Matt.

Coach Matt Hellock.

He's going to be sitting there like I've got a burka made out of a comfort.

Hello?

Hi, you've reached California Gymnastics.

We're sorry we missed your call.

please leave us a brief message and we'll get back to you as soon as possible thank you i have

an idea for that later because they provided two numbers i would like to call the second number

using the number now that i just called the first number as the caller id and being like hey i just

found the cell phone man uh i gotta find there was this prank i want to say it was a year ago guys

and i haven't heard it since i did it but i remembered it at random while i was pooping

a couple days ago maybe someone out there knows off the top what episode it might have been

but i have been provided a list of like the association of female lawyers i think something

like that female professionals and i think i was calling doing the caller id thing so i was calling

anyway i called the lawyer's office saying that she had ordered of uh an adult vagina cake and

it was really like really crazy and then i called back using the other and i called the lawyer from

the office and i was like yeah i'm here i'm trying to deliver vagina cake something like that

it was really funny i know it sounds stupid now because i don't know what the fuck i'm talking

about but it was a funny prank so if anyone out there hears it i want to say it was within the

last 15 months um let me know hit me up i'd like to isolate that prank and hear it again just to

hear it again i guess i could go look at myself but fuck that you people do the work for me right

yeah signs spinners needed let's check let's check the let's check the the pokemon card

and see where that's at by the way is the youtube working let me know is the youtube feed up i'd

appreciate if you guys could let me know big dwight mcclanahan i was gonna call him see if he

wanted to join uh but i noticed he said he was at the gym my boy he's listening right now though

dwight when you get home if we're still on if i'm still on the air feel free to join let's have fun

let's do things man youtube is up thank you dragon mirror dragon mirror checking in by the way the

the call in line is open 405-396-6884 that's 405 39 mouth you can call in shoot the shit with me

do a prank or not i don't care whatever no big fucking deal right you do what you want let's

check out pokemon as i see let's refresh the page i don't think we got anything new ready called

them all no it looks like we're good all right there's this one here all right cool i was gonna

say get them out of your ass this has been a while since i did that dwight at the gym under a rug

he has the comforter i sweat more this way good good sweat on get your sweat on with dwight bring

out your shirt and drink it oh leave your message for that's what i heard calling back not looking

good please leave your fine asshole do you okay so science spinners so the breaking news is that

three more devices were discovered i believe in miami maybe i saw that police and federal

officials were in miami they were also saying that it looks like the uh the devices were being

sold sent out from the opelika from an opelika post office that's down in south florida i believe

that's north of miami or maybe no no south but yeah thank you for calling hello this is carlito

hey how's it going hey hey hey hey it's um it's t falcon i call i call bradson hey i heard you on

there you're like you're like hey you know like that yeah yeah how you doing um what you want

i'm doing all right what you want boy oh i was i was wondering if there was a way i could make

a prank call somehow with you sure you uh i got some job calls i'll throw some out you tell me

me what sticks sign spinners mental health worker and foreclosure service uh yeah natural a natural

holistic medical shop okay an adidas store i got a sushi bar i got a golf place uh online bilingual

assistant job uh the white owl social club how about a sushi bar can you do a sushi bar would

that work um maybe maybe all right i don't know yeah yeah i mean you tell me what's something you

that you think will work and i'll find it on the google maps um i don't know we could maybe do

the sign spinning or something i don't know all right here we're gonna we're gonna call

i got an idea i got an idea you just you just follow follow with me here that's good i hope

this place is open thank you for calling me sorry mr nope what an asshole all right sign spinning

spinning then i tried i was going to just kick your ass i just said i wanted to go there bring

you to the mutai place i was just going to beat you up for fun yeah yeah but they didn't pick up

so as you heard all right sign spinners you know what they do they spin signs and they dance

they get you to get you to go places all right this is in reno nevada okay damn it man please

leave your message for manny mendoza this is the break sometimes this is how it goes mental health

A health worker, I guess.

Maybe.

Hey, just be my kid here.

I'm going to do the Pokemon cards.

We'll call this guy back.

Okay, yes, Pokemon cards.

That'd be awesome.

Hello, this is Thomas.

Hey, Thomas.

This is Cross.

I'm here on...

Hi.

I got my son with me regarding the Pokemon cards.

Okay.

Hi.

I'm at the Walmart now.

Uh-huh.

All right.

And?

So where would you like to meet here at the Walmart?

Oh, you're the dude's husband?

Yeah, I'm Casey's husband.

Oh, cool.

I thought she was going to come, you know, bring her, you know.

Yeah, she was stuck with kids.

kids so um i was able to come down instead all right well i got my son here also with me he's

on the phone okay hey boy yeah i'm yeah yeah so i don't know if she told you what happened but i

caught him doing like satanic stuff with the cards okay all right he was masturbating on top

of the cards he had them all lit out in his bed and he was masturbating had his pants around his

ankles and his feet and he my favorite's the dust swaps yeah the dust swaps it's like i'm skull

fucking yeah do your kids play this stuff they do but not with people's semen on the cards

well i mean that's what we got to ask him did you get did you get semen on this i may have

preed a little bit on the cards but just just a couple drops is this a practical joke no no i mean

i know it probably decreases the value a little bit if they're like marked like that but i'm sure

they're okay he's a virgin he's a virgin he doesn't have anything are you you must you you've

got to be joking no obviously no he's he's a virgin he doesn't have any diseases or nothing

like that he's just okay i'm gonna go ahead and let you go no please don't come on just come into

and you guys please do not contact me again we're in the bathroom just on the desk we're in the

bathroom do not contact i'm gonna call your wife real quick though tell her something about you

know what what who the hell are you what what are you trying to do you you're you're very strange

I caught my son masturbating and saying satanic things on top of the Pokemon cards in his bedroom.

And so you're trying to give away, you got to be, this must be a joke.

He didn't finish.

He didn't, I mean, as far as I know.

I definitely, definitely, definitely do not believe either of you anymore.

Well, I don't believe you.

I don't believe you're acting like this, motherfucker.

You know?

See, that's what I'm talking about.

What?

This is what's coming out of your mouth now.

And you're supposed to be a Christian or something?

Well, I'm angry about this.

You're a Christian, and you just throw them in the garbage can.

I'm a Christian.

Someone masturbated on something.

I'm a Christian.

We go to church on Christmas and Easter.

That's it.

I mean, I believe in Jesus, but it's not like I'm Charlie Church or something like that.

Do you want something that I came on, you weirdo?

He didn't come.

It was just one card.

Yeah, and he said.

Oh, yeah, he's a virgin.

He doesn't come that much.

What the hell are you talking about?

He doesn't have any diseases.

He's a virgin.

i don't want my children to have undiseased come on weird stuff you you you're you're a freak just

pretend it's mushroom sauce that's what it tastes in it's hilarious to eat it man

casey knows what it tastes like shut up casey knows casey knows casey knows what it tastes like

you know what you better hope i don't meet you oh what i'm here now i'm here now what are you

gonna do about it you better hope i don't meet you in person because i'll put you in the hospital

you ain't gonna do shit oh really yeah you won't do shit you don't even know where we are

you're in the bathroom well we're gonna meet you in the bathroom but not if you're gonna act like

that no i'm not gonna act like that i'm gonna act way worse if you come outside yeah oh well

we're outside right now why don't you meet where you at bring your son too bring your son where

Where are you at?

I'm right here.

I love your practical jokes.

Please leave your message for Casey.

Yeah, Casey, yeah.

Oh, hey, Casey.

You know what?

You better hope you meet me and not her because she'll put you in the ground.

We're here with your husband now, and he's going to suck our cocks.

He said that you know what it tastes like.

You know what it tastes like.

That it tastes like mushrooms.

Yeah, this is a hilarious, hilarious joke, sir.

Have a good life.

How big are Casey's sexual organs?

How big are they?

Does she have big ones?

He's gone.

Did he hang up?

Yeah, he's gone.

He's gone.

Oh, my God.

That was pretty funny.

That was.

Let's see if I can get him again.

Okay.

I'm a huge fan of yours, by the way.

Hey, thanks.

I'm going to have a huge fan of yours.

That was fun.

You did good.

You stepped into the role very good.

Very, very well done.

Well, thank you.

Thank you, boy.

I appreciate it.

All right.

No problem.

What was your name again?

Tiny Tits?

What were you?

you t falcon t falcon all right cool yeah yeah i don't feel bad do you when you call into brad

you're like on the voicemail part right yeah yeah i usually just get through the voicemail

don't tell him i said that but i just kind of yeah that's okay i haven't called in a long time

actually i've been busy with college and stuff i've probably heard you or i just don't even pay

attention to the voicemail parts so i've heard you probably yeah probably while i'm asleep because

because I'll fall asleep to Brad's stuff a lot.

That happens a lot.

A lot of people say that, that he's got a soothing voice.

Don't know how you feel about that, but a lot of people say that.

He's got a nice, soothing voice.

Yeah, I fall asleep masturbating to him, too.

Okay, cool.

With the Pokemon cards and all that shit.

Yeah, with the dust pot.

Nice.

All right, hold up.

Let me call the wife.

I just changed the ID to his.

How do I do this?

Let's go here.

Find Casey.

I'm like, mmm, Casey, yeah.

Casey.

He sounds like a tough guy, geez.

I'd be so worried if I actually saw him.

I wonder how big a boy he is.

Yeah.

He sounds like he's tall, lanky, though.

I don't think he could, yeah, he ain't doing shit.

Just a minute, please.

Please leave your message for Casey.

Trying to call him from his cell phone.

I was going to play gay as sex sounds.

Just so he could sound like he's actually, you know.

You know what the gays do.

You know what they'd be doing when they'd be having the sex.

It's probably a fucking set of Pokemon cards.

Yeah.

Getting all turned on by the Pokemans.

So what's the Pokemon card you mentioned?

I don't know that stuff.

Deathclops.

Yeah.

It's like this skull thing.

Oh, shit.

That's scary.

It's the Cyclops skull thing.

Yeah.

Is it related to Puffins?

With the cape.

No, it's not related to Puffins.

No.

I know the old ones.

Please leave your map.

Yeah.

My favorite was Psyduck on the cartoon.

He was funny.

Come on.

Oh, yeah.

Psyduck is funny.

Doesn't Psyduck have like a really

Like he's shit until like he charges

There's like one attack he does that's really good

Is that correct? Do you know? I don't know if you've played the game

Yeah I've played the games

But I don't think so

It's pretty cool

Alright

Well I'm going to clear the line

I want to thank you for joining there

Yeah no problem

Thanks for joining

Let's talk to you again

No problem you call back next week or any other week

You have an open invitation.

Yeah, it's here for you.

All right.

Sounds good.

See ya.

Gotta catch them all.

Got all the Pokemon kids calling in tonight.

Yeah.

He's the only person that's called in.

405-396-6884.

Gonna be taking a break soon.

But in the meantime, let me go ahead and readjust the caller ID before I...

Yeah.

Let's go ahead and do that plan I had where I was gonna call the one gymnastics number from the other gymnastics number.

Excuse me.

I'm in the mood for something with sesame seeds in it and not like a bun, like a toasted

sesame seed kind of candy kind of thing or a pecan log.

I never had a pecan log.

I saw one reviewed on YouTube last week.

I was like, damn, that looks good.

I wish I could have that.

And then I was at a CVS and they had a pecan log right there on an end cap.

I was like, shit, I should buy that.

But then I was like, man, diabetes and my sugar is going to go high.

And I've been losing weight.

I've lost six pounds, guys.

guys. I lost six pounds. Yay, me. Been doing a diet, an adapted keto diet. I don't believe in

the keto diet 100%, but I adapted. It's basically what I did when I lost 80 pounds a couple years

ago. A little bit adapted, smarter. I do a combination of intermittent fasting. I only

eat for an eight to nine hour window during the day, during my peak metabolism, and as much

protein as possible, as little carbohydrates as possible. And fats, I get them, but I try to stay

on the leaner side of things. If I'm going to do oils, I do the good oils like the omegas and the

olive oils and stuff. Not coconut oil because they say it's good for you, but it's pretty bad

for you, the coconut oil. It tastes great. It tastes like butter, right? You're better off

eating butter, putting a little bit of butter or something than just cooking with coconut oil,

in my opinion i think it's more more worth it but hey all right all right so yeah six pounds down

i'm gonna go take a shit in the break we'll lose another two my fucking dwight man at that meetup

we shared a hotel room and he took a massive fucking monster baloney shit clogged up the

toilet we had to call the front desk it was terrible anyway blah blah blah let me get to

changing this caller id so we can do another couple pranks one more time 405-396-6884 no

No, stupid.

Go up to hit OK.

There we go.

All right.

Caller ID is set.

Copying the next number to call.

Moving over to that PC.

Typing A1.

Control V.

Enter.

And away we go.

You've reached California Gymnastics.

We're sorry we missed your call.

Ah, damn you.

Reach us and we'll get back to you as soon as possible.

Thank you.

All that work for nothing.

I'm not going to call the gym that Dwight is at.

Are you crazy?

I don't attack or hurt my own kind.

we're a family here speaking of which i want to want to give a i want to give a what's up

to uh big jag tv who returned to the prank call nation stream this week he did a show yesterday

that was great let it not be said that i cannot forgive and forget i don't even have to go into

it just saying super happy that jag made it 405-396-6884 as i said a thousand times i can't

stop saying it fucking record and repeat because no one really calls the show anymore it was super

popular when i first saw it started now i was like yeah because i know it was really hard to

get through because so many people were calling it and now i think everyone's like ah fuck that

i'm gonna sit there trying to call all fucking night well that was a good time going back to

the voicemails yeah they didn't even get a lot of voicemails this week i've got obituary guy left

a long one so we'll play that in a little bit hello my name is blonde i'm contacting you about

the cards you have on craigslist i feel guilty to the why you're giving them away however found

it funny that i kind of did the same thing years ago to my son if they're still available i would

will love to give them to my son who is 23 now and i started collecting them again i can meet

wherever you feel safe to do so or anytime you can do so please let me know and thank you okay cool

what a bitch do that to her son yeah hi i had the pokemon cards oh hi how you doing good i'm good

like i had a really gnarly uh bowel movement but you're not interested in that i was calling about

the pokemon cards you wanted to maybe get these off of me my son's in big trouble i can tell you

you know what the funny thing is is my son would tell you oh that sounds like something my mom

would have done because i took away christmas format i made him unwrap every single one of

his gifts and put them all back in the bag and take them back to toys r us i get you what you're

going through because it ripped my heart apart to have to do that to my six-year-old son but i had

to do it this isn't this isn't about you know i'm broke and i have this return to stuff back to pay

the bills like you no no i wasn't broke i didn't have to do that no i just did it as punishment

he got suspended from school the day before we went off christmas vacation and i was like that

And I can't take you getting in trouble anymore.

So guess what, buddy?

I mean, I understand the punishment part of it.

I really do.

Yeah.

Well, I caught him with the Pokemon cards all spread out on every inch of his bed in his bedroom.

He had his pants around his ankles and his underwears.

And he was, you know, touching his private parts, looking at the cards.

And I said, excuse me, what are you doing?

And he said that it was a satanic thing, that he had learned that the cards were satanic.

What?

Yeah.

Yeah, and that the cards told him that touching like this made him feel good,

and that it felt really good, and that he said that it was true,

that the devil told him that to touch his wee-wee, that's what he calls it,

he said to touch his wee-wee felt really good, he said.

And then he was doing it, looking at the cards,

and he just kept naming them off,

all the different names of the different creatures or whatever they are.

Wow.

And he's like, I want to marry this.

Wow, wow, wow.

Yeah, and I was like, no, you need to stop that.

and he said that the red Satan, he said, came to him at night

after he had watched the cartoon and told him to do something.

Wow.

I need this out of here.

These cards, they have the Satanic stuff in them

because how is an eight-year-old going to learn to masturbate

and that someone told him that it feels good?

And I was like, was this someone at school?

Did you meet someone?

Did Uncle Homo said that to you?

And he said no.

I was thinking that's kind of off the record.

He said that.

Totally not what I was thinking, but okay.

okay he said that he said that heavenly he said that lord satan told him that he said all powerful

wow i didn't even know he knew what power for me he said all powerful satan said that he said

well i will be more than happy to take that curse off you then if you'd like for me to meet you

somewhere and do that okay all right where you want to meet at the walmart um walmart um where

is that at which oh right up the street okay yeah okay i can do that all right when can you be

you there one over here off of a fruit or fruit ridge and uh where the yeah where the fruit is

yeah okay i'll need your produce okay i mean your produce okay i'll be wearing a black tank and blue

jeans yeah all right okay yeah oh yeah all right no problem can you just call me or text me when

you're there all right it's gonna take give me 10 minutes to get out there all right okay sounds

good you text me i'll call you you text we text and all that will mean i'll give you these cards

all right okay sounds good all right thank you five four three two one

fucking i'm gonna take a break everyone there's a mouth flying caller right now i apologize

i know i just put the call out for people to call in but i do have to take a break i had to check on

the dog possibly walk them and then i have to urinate myself and empty my bladder i don't

think i have to have a bowel movement i feel pretty good right back there right now ever since

since i started losing the weight it just started you know coming right out doing really good

really regular and that way that lady you know doesn't wait too long but maybe i'll do another

prank call in the meantime a lot of shitting today right let's call these bi-legal excuse me

bi-legal meds man i'm gonna die but i go i could i would tear the shit out of a little caesar's

hot and ready pizza right now with the crazy bread and the butter the garlic fucking butter

oh my god the fucking doughiness and the warm and the oil with the garlic flavor and the parmesan

cheese and they pull them like and then you get the bag and then you lick the bag the paper

god and you get those two end pieces that are like calling small so good

please leave your message for seven zero leave it for shit i guess i'll take a break in the

the meantime everyone be sure you're tuned in over at madhouse live.com the youtube feed is up

uh you won't be able to hear pranks or music it's going to be silence on the youtube feed for a

little bit so sorry about that but that's because of youtube because youtube youtube youtube when

we come back we got more of these pokemon numbers people calling in sending messages that lady's on

her way down there we have more parkman numbers some more job machines oh yeah we got this right

We're back in a moment, motherfuckers.

Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.

I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box, trapdoor at the bottom.

So when you die, you open up trapdoor at the bottom, check the GPS, and you go straight to hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

Chuck, what's the move, man?

Appeared in the studio, you know what I'm saying?

And his brother stopped me and asked me, yo, what's up with that brother Chucky D? He's way nice.

I said, yo, brother don't sway nice. He knows he's nice. You know what I'm saying?

So Chuck, I got a feeling he's turning into a public enemy, man.

I remember that line he was kicking to me on the way out to L.A., Lyle, to Queens, while he was in the car on the way to the shop.

Well, yo, right now, keep the bass for them brothers and let them know what goes on.

What goes on?

Well, welcome to Portland, L.A.

All right, everybody.

We're back.

Madhouse Radio.

Prank call enemy number one.

I'm the host, Carlito, the king of prank calls, the inventor of prank calls,

the inventor of the hold fail prank call, the inventor of the lunk alarm prank call,

the inventor of calling conference lines, all that.

That's me right here.

There would be no prank call community if it wasn't for me.

Just saying.

I want to say a big what's up to, first of all, LJ, who donated a Super Chat.

Thank you very much.

I don't like to give out the amounts of Super Chat.

I just like to keep that private just for your protection.

Not protection, but I think it's just, you know, you don't ask someone who buys you a gift,

hey, how much did that cost?

You know?

But he does say, thanks for shows, boss.

All right, man.

Thank you for donations.

You've been a very helpful donator, LJ, and I appreciate that.

God bless you.

Very blessed to have you around.

Also, Big Catastrophe from Catastrophe and the Mad Hue

sent a donation through Super Chat also on the YouTube.

Says, this is where I go when I need to take a shit.

All caps for the shit.

That's how you do it.

Yeah.

When I shit, it's in all caps.

I'll tell you what.

Big Catastrophe, she handles the movie nights

every Saturday night after the Dwight McClanahan show,

which airs at 10 p.m. Eastern, 7 p.m. Pacific.

every saturday night only on prank call nation so we've been getting into the mix regarding

pokemon's pokemon card machines yeah here's another person who says they're very interested

in the collection of cards oh wait the lady's at the walmart's oh shit and there's a mouthful

on caller oh shit oh shit caller stay on the air hang on you'll be caught yeah about the cards

why don't you get them out of your ass why don't you get the cards out of your ass yeah get them

am i your asshole yay well it's stupid that was a waste i could have had her walk around walmart

caller you're you're on the air identify yourself i command it caller all right caller yeah you're

stupid waste of fucking time wasting my time caller hang on i didn't send in the skype holy

shit so we've got a little less than one hour left to show machine really quick it's a long

one but let's play obituary man's obituary for the week it's some white guy who made music that

died so i don't know who they are and i don't got a song of theirs to play because i don't listen to

that white cracker music that white devil crackers no you guys are all right i like you guys just

waiting on google voice to load up un momento here we go uh right are we gonna go actually

there are a few calls here i think we're having trouble with the incoming line again here's the

the voice man fred turned up still buffering that's why all right and we sit and wait and we

hear nothing yay yay i can play it over here because milkman isn't on the air so there's no

need for me to have to play it over there just fuck him no no no oh i don't know man i just

don't think i should be the one to have to apologize to the guy for being rude and mean

and nasty to me five minutes before the show started we talked about this last week and i

I know I probably shouldn't be bringing it up, but people keep asking me.

You know, it's our fall fun drive.

Contribute $100, and we'll ship you a Jazz Groove coffee mug, tote bag, or CD of your choice.

For how much?

And you'll also get a one-year subscription.

Get the fuck out of here.

Is this PBS?

Asshole.

Whatever.

Anyway, obituary, man.

No more talk about Milkman.

And yeah, I think the mouth on is fucking up, because I see calls being missed, and

they're not coming through.

Princess.

Hey.

Kevin Michael Allen, born Jesus Christ Allen, died June 28, 1993.

G.G. Allen was an American singer, songwriter, and record producer who performed and recorded with many groups during his career.

G.G. Allen was best known for his outlandish live performances, which often featured transgressive acts, including coprophagia, self-mutilation, and attacking audience members, for which he was arrest-prisoned on multiple occasions.

Jesus.

All music and G4 TVs, that's tough, have called him the most spectacular degenerate in rock and roll history and the toughest rock star in the world, respectively.

Gigi Allen's last show was on June 27, 1993, at a small club called The Gas Station, a punk venue located inside of a former gas station at 194 East 2nd Street in Manhattan.

During the second song, the venue cut the power, after which he trashed the club,

walked across the street naked, and then continued on, not wearing shorts,

but still covered in blood and feces, through the neighborhood,

followed by a large group of fans.

Sometime in the early morning of June 28th, Alan died from the effects of his heroin overdose.

At his funeral, Alan's bloated, unpreserved corpse was dressed in his black, leather...

Hey!

Cut off!

His bloated, unpreserved corpse.

Jesus Christ.

That was...

That's horrible.

yeah so that guy ate shit on the stage and everything he deserved to die he's who was

that guy if matt was here he'd tell us matt's our corpophilia expert he'd find out see if

matt wants to join why not right let's get big mad on um yeah call people i'm sorry if you're

trying to call the malphine again that's 405-396-6884 it does not seem to be ringing properly

today and for that i apologize i'm sorry hey matt you there can you hear me i think i'm having

having trouble with the audio on this uh-oh hang on maddie it might be my fault dude oh yeah duh

i got it hey matt you should be on now i had the wrong slider slid what's up we yay matt this is

when matt takes it away all right matt i'm gonna hang up call back let me check the audio over

there again dude i hate nicotine withdrawal so much out of all the drugs that i've fucking done

yeah nicotine stands alone at being the biggest pain in the fucking ass they say it's harder to

get off than heroin so that just tells and there's fucking expensive milkman i swear to god never

ever ever do tobacco it's the worst fucking thing it just sucks so bad dude and i mean like i've

done like fucking mess like i've i've done a lot of different drugs in my time nicotine stands

stands alone it's socially acceptable i think that's probably part of it it just makes you oh

god it just sucks i'm on day three you guys i'm getting there good luck i'm getting there i'm on

day three cool shut up hey caller you're on there hey it's brad hey brad connor what's up yeah oh

you know i'm playing some gta you still playing that huh into your show oh yeah that's like the

only thing i ever play yeah gta so what about red dead redemption i hear good things i hear it's

coming out it's it's a gtae kind of thing this this time around i guess like yeah it is but

there's no technology is there isn't it just like guns and horses and stuff oh you got horses what

else you want um you got yeah fuck horses maybe a delorean because you know back to future three

maybe they could sneak that in there i don't know what i mean there's some cool stuff you could do

trains you know that could be a train yeah we got matt i remember the old one i hey matt

no i'm saying we'll get matt on it because he loves trains you know he's a big fan of the

the trains yeah we'll do hype yeah yeah so i'm kind of excited i might pick it up i'm playing

god of war again i started playing it again i don't know if you played that you're a playstation

guy right you're a playstation home um no i'm i'm a nothing like i have a playstation 3 and

an xbox 360 oh okay yeah yeah no i don't have systems i just have my steam oh i just play gta

that's all i ever play that's all you ever play so that i don't think red dead redemption is

gonna come out for on pc for a while probably i don't know i don't know i don't know if i'm not

playing then i guess not unless you get a playstation 4 but you ain't gonna do that so

nah probably not any news to talk about anything you want to bring up anything that

no nothing the person whom you're trying to reach is currently unavailable who do you call i was

trying to call matt because i tried to call him earlier there was silence i'm gonna try him one

One more time.

He called back and left a voicemail.

Try again here.

And, yeah, and then prank calls.

I got a sushi bar.

Can you do a sushi bar?

Do you have any idea for that?

I'm trying not to.

I'm going to call him a matterchode.

Okay.

The person whom you're trying to reach is currently unavailable.

Matt's currently unavailable.

Maybe a banchode also.

All right.

Well, you know, it's Japanese, but you never know.

They could say, like, Kakasuki.

I don't know.

It's too big a change in the sound.

Hello, Kakasuki.

Suki, I would like to make an order, please.

Uh, sure.

Hello, yes?

Hello, Kaga Suki, I'd like to make an order.

Uh, we normally don't take orders over the phone, sir.

Ah, fuck.

Why not?

Wait, wait, wait.

I'm actually calling from the corporate office with the city.

Okay.

And we're having a small problem here.

I need you to go to the back room.

Okay.

Uh, give me one second.

With the electricity.

Sure, okay.

Sure, give me one second.

Okay.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I never called a Chinese restaurant.

I don't know what...

What is...

I don't know.

What does kagasuki mean?

Some bullshit I made up.

Like machine?

I don't know what to say.

I just...

I don't want to throw the number away, because poor Parkman.

Oh, I'm messing up a Parkman number.

I'm sorry, Parkman.

Nah, he doesn't care.

He told me that meetup is...

If you don't want to do my numbers, just skip them.

We'll give it a few more

Another minute here

And then we'll move on

He used to send me numbers

And I would take like

You know like eight months

To do them

Or I would just kind of

Not do them

I suck at doing requests

But not you

Nope

I'm the best

We'll call a golf place

Same way

Hey let's do the thing

When you call

The golf place

When you call people and say that you're going to mess up their lawn, what do you do usually?

You pour acid on them?

What is it?

Okay.

What is it that you say?

I just say I'm Roy's Landscaping, and I did their lawn.

What is it, though?

Like, it's people that live around a golf place?

No, this is an actual golf place.

Oh, okay.

Thank you for calling Topgolf Las Vegas.

Please make your selections from the following options.

For location and hours of operation, please press 1.

I'm sorry, that is not a valid response.

Please try again.

What?

Thank you for calling.

I'm sorry, that is not a valid response.

Please try again.

Hey, Roy McBacon is calling me a gay in the cat room.

Can you tell her to not do that?

Our associates are busy assisting other guests at this time.

I'm not a gay, Roy McBacon.

Please hold, and your call will be transferred to the next available associate.

Not cool.

Thank you, and we look forward to seeing you at Topgolf.

To the LGBTQIXKQR community.

Yeah, yeah, Roy.

Roy.

Please hold while we find an available support team to assist you.

Your call may be recorded for monitoring purposes.

If you would like to leave a voicemail, you may dial 1 at any time.

If you'd like to request a callback, dial 2.

More holding.

All right.

Thank you for calling Topgolf.

This is Kerry.

I'm going to help you.

Hey, Kerry.

This is Roy from Royco's Lawn and Tree Service in Grass.

I needed to let you know we're going to be doing an overnight treatment tonight on your property there.

We've got seven trucks ready, and we're going to be there probably in about two hours.

I'm at a call center at our home office in Dallas.

Let me try to get a call center in there at the venue.

Okay.

Yeah, that'd be great.

I just need to let them know.

Okay.

Thanks.

Carrie, a girl's name?

I don't know if he said Gary or Carrie.

It could go either way.

I'm eating reheated pasta roni.

Pasta roni?

Is it like rice-a-roni for puffs?

Is it still a San Francisco treat?

I don't know.

Do you ever go to Aldi?

Do they have Aldi's over there?

Am I originally?

all this for poor people yeah i don't know if they have all these here i've not seen any you

should go there you save some money this is gonna take too long man all right i'll call the white

owl fucking social club frank never worked with me i blame parkman because this is parkman and

don't worry i got a lot of people still calling about them pokemon cards pokemon cards pokemon

cards homer you know hey matt matt the chat room he says thanks for the calls buddy but i did not

not call in what does that mean i wanted him to join i was trying to call him yeah matt matt what

are you doing i don't know man's a real grumpy this week i don't know what's his problem he's

real upset oh we are not available now i'm gonna make uh i'm gonna do a like and bitch about how

he never calls into the show yeah he's always grumpy he really doesn't for three hours i'm

gonna call him a square and old oh he had a no okay he just explained what happened it's okay

Okay, leave him alone.

He's all right.

What happened?

No, no, no.

Oh, okay.

It's a code R.

Code R.

He's all right.

He's good.

Shh.

All right, just refreshing the voicemail machine here.

See if anyone's called back about Pokemon cards.

Nobody has.

Someone here said, I'm still interested.

Are they still available?

I don't know if I called them, though, already.

Just a second.

No one else has called them the fucking Pokemon cards.

Never mind.

Here's a guy that I had to go down.

They're looking for me in the bathrooms.

and stuff can you call just say that you found this phone at the walmart and this is okay and

say this is the last number that dialed it you found that in the bathroom because i sent this

guy to the walmart and he was going to the bathrooms looking for me he couldn't find me

i don't know if you heard this before but yeah i've been listening the whole time is this the

first guy yeah well this is the guy that i sent it was looking for me in the back yeah it's the

first guy first guy all right here we go see if he answers homer what's up dude now you want to

go outside fucking dog he's gotta wait did you have trouble calling in the project five subscriber

you have called is not available project five oh we got an fu button there hey before i went down

to make dinner um i i parked my delorean on this roof on a building and i just noticed uh that

somebody used a machine gun to draw a couple cactuses into the wall oh nice up here on the

roof oh that's cool it's a friend yeah that's yeah like a octopus guy is online he's a pla person so

I guess he did that.

I just noticed it.

That's cool.

It's very cute.

So you can fly the DeLorean and everything?

I haven't even seen it in use.

Oh, yeah.

I know you got one.

I saw a post of yours where you got it.

It's got missiles on it, too.

Oh, nice.

The game is getting a little long on the tooth, though.

Yeah, I'd like to move to something else.

I just want it to be online.

I like online stuff.

Yeah.

The last I heard about GTA 6 is it was going to be set in a Tokyo-like city.

I don't know if that's still the case.

That'd be cool.

I just wish they'd expand this one.

you know let us go to the next town over or something yeah please leave your message crap

maybe like vice city again might be cool it's been a while vice city was like 2004 i think 2005

yeah i barely played that one i got into it um with the one after vice city so whatever that

was the one with uh cj was that san andreas san andreas yeah yeah i love that one it was good

good storyline you know it was fun kind of good good voice acting the voice acting really hit the

the next level on that one uh lgp lgbt national hotline let's call and complain about uh rory

bacon i say we do that okay this is the gay lesbian bisexual and transgender national hotline

we are a non-profit peer counseling hotline please hold while we try to connect your call

are you talking on this one because i'll start it out okay as long as i get to be your partner

Sorry, our volunteers are currently busy talking with other calls.

Damn it, man.

Please try calling us back in a few minutes.

You may also visit us.

No, that's not convenient, and I'm not going to do it.

But what's the hotline for?

Like, what are you supposed to do?

I don't know.

It's just a hotline for support, maybe.

All right.

I got a wrinkle cream for sale.

Like technical support?

Yeah, technical support.

For being gay?

Yeah.

Well, there was this place called The Gay Book, I think, that was kind of like that,

but I would just call and say, yeah, I need to talk to that gay guy that works with me.

They're like, what?

All right.

Plexiderm, which is a wrinkle cream.

Make subtle remarks that allude to your wrinkly ball sack.

Okay.

Plexiderm was created with top quality high.

Top quality high.

That's what I'm looking for.

Thank you for calling Plexiderm Skin Care.

This call may be recorded for quality assurance.

My name is Shannon.

May I have your first name?

My name is Cross.

I may also have you some code.

32808.

All right.

So just take me a moment to pull up the promotion here in my system.

Are you calling looking to race the bags under your eyes today?

Well, they're under my balls.

Well, sir, I'm going to be releasing the calls.

No, no, no, no.

Release me down there, you know?

He's serious.

Come on.

I got wrinkles.

Wrinkles.

I got wrinkles.

Speaking of wrinkles, here's Matt Helwock.

Matt Helwock.

What's up, buddy?

The king of the wrinkles.

Hey, Grumpy, how you doing?

Why do you keep calling me fucking Grumpy, dude?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I wonder why when you say, well, you say fucking like that.

Wow.

Mm-hmm.

I am Matt fucking Hillock.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Hey, man.

Hey, buddy.

Thank you for calling Plexiderm Skincare.

My name is John Anol, and this call is being recorded for quality assurance.

Fuck you.

May I have your first name, please?

Yeah, hey, my name is Cross, and I'm on the line with Matt fucking Hillock.

Hey, dummy.

Hi, excuse me.

Are you calling for Plexiderm Skincare?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, his name is Cross, and he's calling with me, Matt Flacanilla.

Hello.

How are you?

Hello.

Hey, my name is John Knoll, and this call is being recorded for quality assurance.

Thanks for calling Plexiderm Skin Care.

Yeah.

And may I have your first name?

We just went through that twice.

His name is Cross, and I'm Matt.

We just did that before you asked again.

Okay.

Okay, I'm having a little trouble understanding you, so I'm just making sure that I've got it right, sir.

Okay, so what do you think the names are then, genius?

Sir, I have the name as Cross, C-R-O-S-S. Is that correct?

Yes.

That's one of the names. That's my name.

Okay, all right.

So are you looking to raise bags under your eyes tonight? Is that why you called in?

Wait, am I chopped liver over here, buddy? Who am I?

What about Matt?

Can you please put down Matt's name also?

Okay.

I want to look good, man.

Okay.

Well, sir, I can put in Matt's name.

Billy as well.

However, when is it?

Dale's here also.

Dale?

Okay.

Billy.

We're all calling.

Hello, am I on a conference call or something?

No, we're all calling.

Yes, we are.

I'm sorry.

We're all in the same hotel room, and we saw the commercial come through, and we're very

Very interesting because we're looking at each other in the mirror when we're tripping and like maybe it's the tripping, but we think we're looking a little old, you know?

Yeah, I took DMT.

Do you know what that is?

I do not, sir.

And I tell you what, this does sound like a prank call and I am sorry.

I know it is not.

No, no, no, no.

We assure you.

I swear to God, this is not a prank call.

I swear to God.

It is not a prank call, sir.

It is absolutely not a prank call.

I wouldn't go lying on Jesus' name, yo.

All right, sir.

Well, I do apologize.

Tell us.

Tell us, buddy.

Yeah, tell us.

How does it work?

Does it have silver in it?

The whole time it's like...

Who's on the line?

Billy.

Big Billy.

Yeah, this is Billy.

Hey, how you doing, Billy?

What's up?

Are you a racist?

How you doing?

I'm all right, guys.

How you doing?

Oh, okay.

You're all right.

Good.

We're good.

Yeah, we're just here doing prank calls, you know?

Yeah.

Thanks for calling.

Yeah, I only try to fucking call in 30 times, motherfucker.

You don't answer your phone.

it's a busy fucking thing is this is billy from back in the the the dialer days or is this different

billy well this is uh this is the noob tube actually all right the noob tube nice it was

top quality hot thanks for calling i'm jonathan greenhut i like the strange things tunes hello

hello money thank you for calling my name is eric centino and this call is being recorded

it for quality assurance. May I have your first name? Well, Billy is the one who's calling in.

He's very interested in the skin cream. He has very tight skin. Okay. Hello. Hello. Hi. Yeah,

my name is Billy. Billy. Okay. Give me one second, sir. Okay. I will just pull up my promotions in

my system, sir. May I ask, what type of problem do you have with your skin, sir? It's all itchy.

Gee, it's really, really, really itchy.

Okay, sir.

Do you have wrinkles or lines, sir?

What?

Okay.

Do you have wrinkles or lines, sir?

Wrinkles, yeah.

All over my bottom area and the tip and the tip.

Okay, sir.

I completely understand.

I hope you do, sir.

Okay, sir.

Will this lubricate?

Okay, sir.

You definitely called it the right place.

As you saw, Plex Center is a very exciting product, sir, and it works in less than 10 minutes.

So you're going to see those lines and wrinkles on your tips, sir, disappear right now.

Well, sir, on top of that, yes, sir, Plexaderm will drastically reduce the look of any fine lines and wrinkles and can even help lighten.

Real long.

Yes, sir, correct.

Oh, yeah.

Yes, sir.

And dark circles under your eyes as well, sir.

Tell me yes, sir, one more time.

Hey.

Okay.

Hello?

Yeah, how much is this going to cost me for you to make the long and hard?

$95, sir, right now, for one bottle.

Oh, shit, you're an expensive boy?

Yes, sir.

Oh, this is actually not expensive, sir.

This is actually a really low price right now.

I need a gosh darn discount.

Do you put it in your ass?

Hello, sir, please?

Please.

Please, tell us if you put it in your ass.

Stick it in.

It's not what it's made for, but he, in fact, does.

Because he's a rule breaker.

breaker he uses anything he can for a little bag i wonder what the shit is is it like

fucking glue or preparation h or what i think and the question is it just for your eye bags

because yeah well i know that that's why i said preparation h because i used to i remember on

like old tv shows or something i saw something talking about when you got bags on your eyes

you put Preparation H under there

and it shrinks my...

So, yeah, so I'm thinking

that just bottles of that

were remarked at $59.

You know, like,

that'd be an amazing fucking thing.

Hello?

Thank you for calling

Black Skin and Skin Care.

My name is Eric.

How can I help you?

Yeah, is this for bags?

Is

this for the bags?

Yes, sir.

I'm going to repeat for you.

Please do not call again, sir, if you're trying to make fun of us.

My ball bags.

My bag of balls.

It has two balls in it.

Yes, sir.

The skin is very tight.

Yes, sir.

Thank you so much for your time today.

Have a great day.

How big are your balls?

I think it's not supposed to be tight.

tight the the skin's supposed to be very loose the hence the wrinkles so you need this whatever

this cream is yeah because when something's tight it's not folding and wrinkly yeah so you need to

get your sack back to the way it used to be nice and smooth yeah you know my name is jake i have

your first name hey my name is cross is this for bags this is uh plexiderm it's for the bags under

of the eyes and the lines and stuff what about the balls i mean in theory you could use them i

i wouldn't really suggest it why um it's mainly for the neck and face okay but that's even more

sensitive area than the genitals so if it's good for there then it should be good everywhere on

the body but is it cooling or warming because they're like a temperature differential down

there you know it's uh mainly water-based so i'd say it's probably cooling oh man uh what about

about my dog i wouldn't use it on a dog mainly because they have the fur and it would get in

the way of the flex i'm really good whatever you're he shaves the dog like since last halfway

through last year he's been doing that um like a new era he said i don't know what he's talking

about and wants to get lotions for the dog um um yeah i mean i wouldn't suggest you like term on

really anything other than the neck and face if you wanted to try it you could buy a bottle and

try it but hmm that sounds that sounds like an endorsement to me buddy yeah and it's what is it

54 bucks what is it what is it shipped out the door like 62 63 i can i can tell you that here

in a minute uh can i get your zip code real quick what's the price of my system i'm in 606 right now

606

606 what?

606

No, 66060

Yeah, he's stupid

That's why he's doing this job

Working in a makeup place or whatever

So we can get the dog fucking straight up

Yeah, isn't this a woman's job?

Why are you selling makeup?

60606

He's trying his best, baby

You're pissing me off and your phone is shit

Are you at home? Are you working from home?

Oh, if so

So are you in the lingerie by any chance?

Oh, definitely.

It will just be nice.

So while we are waiting, are you looking to race bags from under your eyes today?

Under our balls.

Yeah.

Do you think they're from a lack of sleep, stress, allergies, or aging?

From lack of sex.

I'm going to say a little from column A, a little from column B, and definitely what my friends talked about.

You got to fill out a little survey.

Is this like busy work while you get the job done?

They just say, talk to the customers about this stuff.

Are you playing with the garter belt on your stockings by any chance?

Flexiderm is a very exciting product.

It works less than 10 minutes.

So you're going to see those bags disappear right before your eyes on top of that Flexiderm dress.

Be like, get out of here, bags.

Yeah, I'm just going to tell you.

That's what you should rename it instead of Flexiderm.

Call it, get out of here, bags.

Yeah.

Just hit the road, bags, with a guy with a thumbs up going over his shoulder, like, get out of town.

A Greek guy with a half-on-button shirt and a cherry chest with a baseball bat.

He's like, get out of here, you bags.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Or get your bags and get out of my face.

And he's like in a airport, and he's just throwing the bags, like, get out of here, bags.

Like, sir, stop doing that.

Put your hands up.

He's like, ah.

And he goes at him and he just unloads all the rounds into him.

That should be the commercial.

By the way, we would like to tell you, we do have a marketing team, if y'all are interested.

We don't take on every client, but we do take on select ones, and Flexiderm seems like one.

Quality, not quantity, motherfucker, you.

Or get out of here, bags, as we like to call it.

All right, I'm going to let you go.

My dog's whining, all right?

Have a wonderful rest of your night.

It's because you shaved that goddamn thing.

It's cold.

The fucking dog is cold, man. What do you expect?

Shit. I think I'm going to hang it up.

I'm going to be honest with you.

It's 9.45. It's close enough.

I'm going to let you go. Thanks, Matt.

Thanks for having me around, man.

Sorry I wouldn't have for the first thing,

but like I said, I had a piss pants situation.

You're being grumpy. It's okay.

You don't have to talk about it. It's alright.

I'll grumpy you.

Alright. See you later, Matt.

matt that's true man bye bye billy hey guys have a good one all right buddy thanks for calling

that's big billy at but you know what i think a one line oh a few yeah a lot of angry voicemails

i don't know what's going on here we'll take a caller i call you're on the air really quick

really quick what's up hey dwayne mcclanaghy hanks how you doing hey what's going on you

thought i wouldn't know who you were motherfucker you yeah no i left you like six voicemails but

Oh, I saw the me, me, me one came through.

Like, it flashed up.

It translated that.

The other ones say, no translation available.

Yeah, just because I was sitting there for, like, 30 seconds.

Homer J.

What are you doing?

I'm calling about Pokemon cards here.

Please leave your message for Natalie.

Her number's busy, I guess.

Homer, what is it, dude?

Like, just give me 10 minutes, man.

You don't need to go out that bad.

been in the bathroom homer shit on the carpet ephedema arby's uh chicken slaughter hi i was

got you got a hold of me regarding the pokemon cards yeah okay um do you have any plans for

the cards are you gonna play with them or yeah i'm probably just gonna keep them okay all right

do you play are they for you or for a kid they're for my family oh like you all like them you play

play together i have like nephews and stuff i don't play they play okay all right um you're

gonna have to get it from dwight that sounds good all right but he's on the line now i don't know

if he wants to talk about it if not that i can keep talking dwight did you want to hey you're

not giving away my pokemon card well i am because you know what i caught you doing

i don't know i touched my penis i caught him sitting on the toilet peeing and i told him

that's not not allowed in this house so he's getting all his put he's been warned several

times about that i touched my wee wee you see okay all right i go pee i sit down and i touch

my wee wee i go wee wee wee wee your your kids aren't your family isn't gonna like masturbate

looking at these cards are they what is your family you're not they're not gonna like masturbate

and look at the cards when they masturbate no no okay because that's what he does that's what my

son does he masturbates when he looks at the cards he gets real like excited he likes japanese things

is this a real post or is this a joke no this is real i need to get rid of these cards i was

hoping you could meet me at the walmart's in florin on florin you know where that is

um how many cards is it uh it's like a hundred something

yeah no more uh he's a virgin yeah they're pokemans pokemans don't even call back

No, you're not gonna call back asshole. Be honest, you know

Well, you're a fucking asshole fucking and I don't give these shits to Mexicans. So forget it

I don't give this to Mexicans you people whatever

You got the weirdos

Fucked I got the weirdos. Oh

I'll call him back

I gotta go shower. I stink. I go take a shower. I'm gonna hang up the show. All right, it's over. Thanks

Hey the fuck is show campus better get out of here. Yeah

I'm out of park band numbers.

Homer wants to get out of here.

No one else has called in for Pokemon cards.

I think we're going to wrap it up.

I'm going to have to pass on voicemails this week.

So if you left a funny one, I will play it next week at the beginning of the show machine.

But for now, that's it.

I want to thank everyone who called in, people who sent in numbers.

Leon Tech sent numbers in, but I didn't get to them.

I'm sorry, bro.

Sorry, Leon Tech.

I'll save them.

If they're still good next week or if I do something later on, I'll hit them up.

Thank you for the effort.

much appreciate everyone who sends me numbers if i forget them don't take it to heart man it's hard

to manage all this shit during the show shut up faggot so okay i don't say that word all the time

i'm sorry i don't really i don't say the f word sorry oh my god i'm gonna get so me too'd um

i really don't i'm not homophobic guys uh anyway madhouse live.com check all the links over there

youtube is in the full effect madhouse radio on youtube follow me on social media the links are

at madhouse live.com support the show on the patreon and also speaking of supporting i did

have some more youtube i did have some more youtube uh contributions let me shout those

out real quick really guy i really feel bad for saying that word i'm sorry i'll edit it out don't

worry uh bieber belieber for life said veterans day november 11th please do another entitled

veteran show yeah yeah actually yeah the veterans day show where i just call up as a veteran and

act real entitled about all the free shit you can get as a veteran very uh that's a good idea when

is november 11th is that coming up one two about two weeks it's on a monday i should have that day

for work so yeah fuck that we'll do it yeah i'll do another veterans day show thanks for letting

me know about that i'll mark it down i'll mark it down all right i'm done thanks for tuning in

everyone we'll have another show next week maybe milkman will be on if he calls and apologizes

and grovels and pays me money with your mushroom sauce.

Mushroom Sauce – 10/25/2018 Show

Calls (32, 1 h 12 min of 2 h 13 min)

Transcript

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