MadhouseSearch

Peanut Butter Puppies

9 Nov 2018 · 1 h 23 min · 11,153 words · source

Calls (25, 48 min of 1 h 23 min)
  1. Tires Direct voicemail left voicemail 36 s clip ↓
  2. Wood seller asked about seasoning live 1.7 min clip ↓
  3. Lawnmower seller called back live 47 s clip ↓
  4. Lawnmower for sale asked about price live 1.0 min clip ↓
  5. Takeaway order asked about closing time live 54 s clip ↓
  6. Caller asks about dog fur and sexual acts live 8.3 min clip ↓
  7. Voicemail left for firearm training company voicemail 3.4 min clip ↓
  8. Calling AKC lab puppy guy live 2.1 min clip ↓
  9. Playing Matt Hill voicemail voicemail 1.7 min clip ↓
  10. Caller reporting shoutcast issue live 1.4 min clip ↓
  11. Gun store called Stock Market live 37 s clip ↓
  12. Listener Spaghetti Rag says hi live 58 s clip ↓
  13. Caller asks about sanitary indian cuisine live 2.1 min clip ↓
  14. Dragon Man on air about Airbnb live 1.6 min clip ↓
  15. Calling beauty supply about beer live 2.6 min clip ↓
  16. Shoe store about defective buzzing shoes live 3.1 min clip ↓
  17. Shoe store after disconnect live 41 s clip ↓
  18. Grown American Superfood cookbook questions live 1.7 min clip ↓
  19. Brazilian barbecue beer inquiry live 57 s clip ↓
  20. Jamaican beer and beer culture talk live 54 s clip ↓
  21. Online bilingual assistance with cat live 49 s clip ↓
  22. American Superfood nutrition call live 4.3 min clip ↓
  23. Election protection hotline prank live 2.4 min clip ↓
  24. Dallas Fox 4 news tip line live 2.6 min clip ↓
  25. Caller asks about house sale live 53 s clip ↓

Transcript

You little monkey!
You bastard!
besides you average anti-social we gotta go in right clean your clocks ladies and gentlemen
you got them tires you got tires yeah all right cool how many miles on them 70 000
no they're 70 000 mile wire warranty oh and how long you've been using them for
i've never they've never been mounted on a tire on a rim oh they're virgin tires virgin rubber
rubber yeah all right cool where'd you get them from uh tires direct tires direct so if i need to
do a warranty on them i go through tires direct or i go through the manufacturer cooper machine
cooper cooper all right um all right and then like it's four tires right yeah all right and
how do they burn how well they burn i don't understand well i'm trying to get rid of a tree
so i was going to put the tires around the tree i figured with four tires and a can of gas i could
I can probably get rid of the tree.
You're going to buy four brand new tires and burn them?
Well, it's for four trees, actually, you know, because that costs less
because they quoted me $600 to get rid of these four trees,
and I'm like, $475.
I can let, you know, fire take care of it, you know?
I'd go buy some $10 tires if I was you.
Yeah, but I really want them to, you know, burn.
I want them to burn down the trees really good, you know?
Okay.
I want to make sure they get burned down.
You see, it's for a satanic ritual.
We burn down four trees in the fall.
Well, good luck.
Why, you got to sell me them tires.
Fucking dog.
Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.
At the tone, please record your message.
When you've finished recording, you may hang up or press 1 for more options.
Motherfucker.
To listen to your message, press 2.
To message review.
Motherfucker.
If you're satisfied with the message, press thank you.
Your message has been sent.
No goodbye?
bye she usually says goodbye to me we'll let that marinate we'll let that marinate for a little bit
call back see if they hear the message and reply to my machine hey everybody i'm carlito i'm the
host of madhouse live i'm sorry i haven't been on for the last two weeks uh spent how many days in
the hospital i spent eight eight days in the hospital as you can hear from my voice my voice
Hoist is a horse from being intubated.
I have a headache still.
I sore arms from IVs that were in me and been on a lot of antibiotics.
So my vision is blurry for a few more days.
But and that's all I want to talk about.
Really, I'm good.
I'm alive and I'm good.
I'm great.
I'm happy to be here.
Sorry, I couldn't do a show.
That's why.
Now, you know, thanks for talking shit.
Everyone who talks shit while I was out.
Hope you feel better about yourself and your negativity.
All right, I'm going to try to do a show because my voice is out.
I asked Brad if he could join, but it's his night with his son.
I forgot he does shit on Fridays with his kid, so he can't help me out.
I put a message out to Dwight, see if he wants just to help me out
because I don't know if my voice is going to give out before three hours is up,
but I'll try.
I want to at least do something, you know?
The last Madhouse podcast, it was like 90% edited before I ended up sick,
so i spent two days uh kind of getting sick before i ended up in the hospital so i didn't
edit it in time and all that my bad i'll get that out this weekend i got a i got a uh i got
monday off also so i'll try to get it out by then i'll try to get this episode out there you go
yeah so look no guarantees that i'm gonna do a full show today i'm gonna try if they start
sucking i'm probably gonna lose my motivation really quick yeah thanks to molecular heckler
Bolek Holek.
I got a lot of different Swap Shop Tradio numbers or websites.
So that'll be something I'll try to do.
I also got numbers that came in from Parkman last night.
I got to go to Gmail to get those.
Let me do that now before I forget.
Oh, here they are.
Be forwarded to me so I don't have to sit there and look for them.
Thank you, man.
Good call, buddy.
All right, got those.
Anyone else who's on my Skype who maybe wants to help me out, do a show?
That'd be greatly appreciated.
Hit me up.
send me a message or just call thank you much appreciated back to swap shops someone's got a
truckload of wood yeah whoops board emergency yeah hi you got a truckload of wood i do how many
different truckloads you just got one you got a lot of woods uh no i've got several loads cut up
oh nice nice seasoned wood i presume yeah yeah it's all dry it's oak and ash all right uh is it
a lot of sodium in it uh what do you mean my sodium in the seasoning is it high sodium low
sodium seasoning uh i don't i really don't couldn't answer that question all right because
i've been told that i can season everything just like normal but i have to um try to stick to lower
sodium stuff on a card of my blood pressure okay yeah i couldn't answer that question okay all
right uh what do you got lemon pepper lemon pepper seasoning on the wood i have no idea
what kind of seasoning you put on the wood before you to set it up to marinate it hey yeah come on
please please help i need wood it's starting to get cold it's starting to get yeah you better
call you better you better call somebody else no deliver load for 65 dollars please i'm sorry
three all right let's call that original one about them tires with that nasty voicemail i left
with the shitting your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system got the fu
button there your call he ain't playing no more he's done playing with me well fuck him but this
guy here got a lawnmower for sale let's give him a call see what his bitch ass wants to say
i call rd to something he can call back ah hello yeah hi you got a lawnmower is this my name is
cross do you have a lawnmower no i sold it oh then why do you still have the add-up motherfucker
I don't have the ad.
Yeah, motherfucker, I'm looking at it now.
It says you have lawnmower for sale.
Why is she going to ask who I am first?
The tone.
Please record your message.
When you have finished recording.
Asshole.
Here's a number from Nunu about an Indian.
Duh.
Forbidden.
Why is the number forbidden?
Do you want to make an order, please?
Takeaway?
Hello?
Yes, I'd like to make a takeaway order, please.
We close.
We open this lunch same.
Oh, are you fucking Bolo, motherfucker, you?
this place that their toilet seat was found propped next to a deep fat fryer baskets
you used to cook food the a toilet seat was found propped next to deep fat fryer baskets
mouse shit was found all over the place supposedly also wow that's disgusting
wow let me try to call them back but i don't think they'll answer the second time
she was dead asleep sorry the person you've called isn't available at the moment why not
leave a message so they can get back to you why not give you a thousand reasons why i don't want
to there's a market for sale okay market for sale let me leave me a message tone please record your
message when you have finished recording didn't even read oh okay now we got akc lab puppies for
sale labs hi you have your lab puppies i do what you got lab puppies yeah feces they're not
little puppies uh the only thing i've got left is three chocolate males and they're about six
months old six month old chocolate males when will they reach full fur growth full size uh
normally a year and a half to maybe even a tad longer all right and then what's the fur like
the fur that they got does it shed a lot it's smooth okay good smooth slick uh short i'd say
fairly short hair um yeah beautiful deep chocolate are they chocolate all the way
or do they have markings uh yeah they're chocolate they don't have any white or any other colors on
them um good good uh like i said they're they're six months old uh they got they got a little older
than what i ever wanted them to but uh i went through several different health issues uh had
I had to have a total shoulder replacement.
And then while I was trying to get over that, one of the titanium rods in my back broke loose
and I had to go back and have both of those replaced.
So I've been through it ever since I've been raising this litter.
I got out of the hospital yesterday, you know.
Oh, Lord.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What did you have going on?
They had to remove something from my rectum.
I had a sex toy that went into my rectum.
It was like one of those things that it's like a suction cup.
Oh, wow.
And I put it on the shower floor, and I was trying to sit on it,
and I slipped because of the soap.
And it went up, and it was vibrating.
And then I had to call the 911, and they had to remove it.
Wow.
Yeah, it was pretty bad.
so you know they had me on antibiotics and everything but uh yeah i i've got several of
them i mean i've got these three left all right and i'm looking this is for a coat that i'm going
to be making um how much fur do they yield after let's say after they reach adulthood after i could
say like two years why are you wanting a lot well i'm trying to make a brown chocolate like
chocolate lab uh quote like a sports coat in a size 48r regular length and that's why you want
a lab well i mean i also want the companionship and all that but after i get tired of them and
everything then i'm gonna go ahead and you know just put them to use this is what the bible says
the bible says all the beasts of the land are for us to put under our burden and make
make machine go and wreck them has to be they shed fairly heavy i mean uh okay i mean uh i've got
i've got my chocolate in the house and then i've got a yellow in the house and uh i mean we're
constantly having to vacuum oh good i'll make a nice fur coat out of that you know out of these
these three motherfuckers but uh but anyway uh where are you calling from well i'm i'm i'm out
of town i live in a horse machine ranch do you know where horse machine ranch road is it's a
new development uh new development where it's called horse machine ranch it's on a brand new
road it's called horse machine ranch okay where i mean uh what state uh where is it because i
But maybe part of the confusion is, and I don't know how long you've been in this city,
but I'm not from here, you know?
I just bought a new ranch out here and everything.
I'm not from Kentucky, you know?
Okay, where are you calling from?
Bowling Green.
I bought a ranch at Bowling Green, a brand new ranch.
Okay, in Bowling Green, Kentucky.
Yeah, and then we got horses and everything.
We masturbate the horses to get the semen to breed them.
Okay.
Well, if you're interested, you can call me back.
Well, I'm interested.
Why should I call you back?
When can I see?
Where are you located at?
Are you near Bowling?
I'm located in Hopkinsville.
Hopkinsville?
Hopkinsville.
And how far away is that from Bowling?
About an hour and a half drive.
Do you know Mammoth Cave?
Yeah, I know where Mammoth Cave is.
Yeah, I like to go there.
there uh well you'd actually be going the opposite direction uh you'd be going toward
fort campbell kentucky oh i don't want to do that i want to get close to you and these dogs you know
i want to touch them well that's where i'm at i mean i'm up around fort campbell kentucky all
right that's where you are all right that's where i want to go where you and these delicious
sexy dogs are so i'm going to touch and pet them and kiss them you know you know how you know how
How dogs kiss with their tongue?
But anyway.
Hey, do they like peanut butter, these dogs?
Do what?
Do they like peanut butter?
Yeah, most dogs do.
I got a trick with peanut butter.
I put it in my private parts for the dog, you know, and then they lick it off.
You're a sick son of a bitch.
You know that?
I'm just sharing a trick that you can try.
I mean, I'm not saying.
Man, I'm not sick like you.
You perverted son of a bitch.
Bitch, don't call back.
Don't come.
I ain't interested in your damn money, you stupid fucker.
Hey, hey, hey.
Fuck you.
Hey, no, fuck you.
Fuck you, fuck you, you cocksucker.
You ain't nothing but a perverted cocksucker.
A hole's a hole.
Oh, my God.
Oh, that was worth it.
You sick, perverted motherfucker.
Hey, I'm sorry.
No, no, it's not.
i can't laugh i can't laugh like i normally do i'll lose my voice
man shit let's go back a minute no i don't oh man good times here at madhouse radio madhouse
live.com is that website madhouse live.com all my links is there i'm not gonna get into them
because that's just gonna kill my voice if you want to call in tonight you can 405-396-6884
hanging that's 405 39 mouth 405 39 mouth thank you thank you for calling if you do
we got personal firearm defense training yeah that gun with personal offense dynamic
firearm training and sales i wasn't able to get the phone right no shit sherlock you reached down
defense gun arms weapons firearms bullets and shooting targets and live ammo
I'm all for training and schooling and documentation and sales.
Unless you're stupid, you don't understand.
Defense Dynamics Farms Training.
I wasn't able to get to the phone right now,
so if you could leave your name, phone number, and a brief message,
and I'll get back with you.
You can also reach me by text at the same number,
and I will try to get back with you as quick as possible.
Thank you.
You got to write this shit down before you do it, motherfucker.
You got to sound professional, motherfucker.
Or press 1 for more options.
I'm hearing the toilet taking a shit!
Help, help!
Help!
Help!
Help!
If you are satisfied with your message, press 1 to listen to your message.
Press 2 to erase...
I'm hearing the toilet taking a shit!
Help, help!
Help, help!
If you are satisfied with your message, press 1 to listen to your message.
No one cares about normal and urgent delivery.
No one gives a shit.
I can't tell you the last time I noticed someone sent something with urgent delivery.
And if someone were to do that, I'd probably just delete the message without even listening to it, motherfucker.
Don't be trying to jump in line with the other voicemails in my mailbox.
Stupid.
I don't even listen to my voicemails.
They all get transcribed for me.
I read them on my phone.
leave me a voicemail i'm gonna read it motherfucker you know hang on a guy got time to listen to shit
fuck that let's uh play obituary man aka mr puller pulling his dick he's got a voicemail
hey there small rest in peace why are you bolder yep hopefully you get this that was a weird
voicemail message but uh you know the hail died on march 15th 2011 at age 41 due to heart failure
and complications of having multiple multiple strokes period while nate dog provided hooks for
rappers from coast to coast the long beach california native is best known for his contributions
to the west coast soundtrack provided by the likes of snoop dogg dr dre the dog pound and more he
faced several legal problems in 1996 he was acquitted of an armed robbery charge a jury
deadlocked and another and he was not retried in 2000 nate dog was accused of trying to kidnap an
ex-girlfriend but those charges were that's understandable he pleaded no contest to gun
possession and was sentenced to probation in january of 2008 he suffered a debilitating
stroke but a few months later he was arrested for stalking and threatening his estranged wife
he appeared in court in a wheelchair and the charge was dropped a year later this thing is
too big dog spent the last years of his life trying to rebound from his medical problem
all dogs go to heaven rest in peace nate dog fuck yeah man why would he do armed robbery
i just don't understand man i had a lot going for him doing armed robbery and shit i mean i
understand when snoop got in trouble because he was just driving right and the dude's dude in the
car started shooting someone up in a park according to snoop he was like look man i was just driving
motherfuckers started shooting and i fucking drove off i don't know what the fuck was going on what
my fault that was a weak case murder was the case yeah oh shit we should play murder was the case
one-sided audio sometimes i gotta like do that i gotta smack the microphone for it to start
working again i don't know if i need a new microphone or a new mixer or a new cable
you know and picking the right one replacing the right one is the difference between you know maybe
like ten dollars and a couple hundred dollars i know as far as i know this microphone i've had it
since the 2008 maybe 2007 this mic maybe 2008 it's 10 years old it might be time it didn't start
doing this until i took it to chicago for a supposed show we're going to do then that i'm
not happening but i could see this stupid behringer mixer man i always buy these behringer
mixers and they fucking they work good for like a few months and then they start shitting out
i gotta like invest in something good but i don't know i don't know
no audio equipment like really good brands and stuff like that i just don't know motherfuckers
anyway 405-3966-884 i see someone tried to call i might have missed it sorry okay anyway let's get
back to the numbers let's try to call the akc lab puppy guy again let's see if he says anything more
of substance big mad hillock offering to help out thank you because i don't want to hurt no more man
i did it again i did it again hello
sir please talk to me i don't want to hurt no more are you
there your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system six one don't want to hurt
no more is not available at the tell and please record your message when you've finished recording
you may hang up or press one for more options i don't want to hurt no more so i'm constipated and
i'm trying to take a shit oh there it goes oh thank god i've been holding this for three days
if you're satisfied with the message press one to listen to your message press two message review
i don't want to hurt no more so i'm constipated and i'm trying to take a shit oh there it goes
oh thank god i've been holding this for three days nice
let's get matt hill up on let me dial him in
Hell yeah
Just a minute, I'm signing in the shit
Here's a voicemail
Hey there, this is Bombad
Out in California
Sorry to hear about
What's been happening with you
Seems like you can't get a fucking break with your health
But, um, hey
Hey, stay up and try to do well.
You damn perverted fucker.
Later.
I'm a perverted fucker.
I signed it up in the hospital.
I'm doing...
I can catch a break.
This is the first time in quite a while
that I've been in the hospital.
Shit just happens, I guess.
I should not have brought it up.
I should not have even mentioned it.
Now people are like...
All the time in the hospital.
Pretend I said nothing.
I'm going to edit it all out
so it never got mentioned.
Hey, pervert.
Hey, Matt.
Matt.
What's up?
Hey, what you got there?
You got some Beats headphones?
Is that what you're using?
No, these are Urban Ears.
Oh, it sounds like you got the wrong mic selected.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I hear the air hissing from your oxygen tanks.
Call some guns and ammo.
Thanks for calling.
Are you calling to make fun of me?
Oh, okay.
Your shoutcast is messed up.
Oh, no.
What's it doing?
Oh, no, you're messed up.
How's this?
microphone check microphone checker oh you're good matt thanks thanks we got microphone check
we got a caller on there who's reporting that the shout cast is messed up holy shit
jesus fucking christ oh no man what's he doing is it cutting in and out no no it's like the devil
hello is that a good thing let's see let's check with echo echo is it erotic play madhouse prank
Frank Hall Radio on TuneIn.
Sounds okay to me there, big guy.
Echo, stop.
No, you're wrong.
Well, I don't know what to tell you, goddammit.
I mean, did you start and stop it again?
That's how you fix things.
I'm digging this fucking polo hat.
How do you like it?
Yeah, that's a nice polo hat.
Yeah, polo?
Yeah.
This is PLA.
Oh, polo.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
All right.
All right.
There goes the caller.
I don't know what his attitude problem was.
I was, wow, he was pretty mean.
You know, I don't need that.
Well, thanks for reporting your problem.
Go reboot your modem, caller.
Take that name, Ralph Lauren.
I'll change your gear.
This is the only hat I've ever worn in store that normally...
Yeah, is this the stock market guns and ammo?
Yes, it is.
Oh, good, good.
Cops took my gun away.
I was wondering if you rent guns out.
No, I don't.
All right, do you have a shooting range there?
Pardon me?
Do you have a shooting range there?
No, I don't.
There's actually a Second Amendment in town.
They have one.
Is that the name of the place?
Yeah, Second Amendment.
Okay, I know what the Second Amendment is.
It's the right to bear arms.
No, this is a gun store called Second Amendment.
Well, you're a gun store called Stock Market.
I understand that.
Right.
Very good.
We make custom gun stocks.
Is there a man I can talk to?
No, there isn't, honey.
I don't agree.
I'm in a dark net called the Wall Street Market.
Who's going to buy a gun store?
Why would she name it Stock Market?
Okay, that's such a, you know, liberal left-wing thing.
Oh, like the stock of a gun?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
The stock.
So maybe it's so stupid it's clever.
You got a point, sir.
Thank you.
Murder was the case, so they gave it.
Thanks for calling.
Are we on YouTube as well?
Hey, gang, this is Spaghetti Rag.
I just want to say hi to Matt.
How you doing, Matt?
I haven't heard you for a while.
Hey, how you doing, buddy?
buddy. Yeah, good to hear your voice
on the airwaves again. Carlito, of course,
I love you, buddy, but I don't get to hear
Matt nearly as often.
You were on last night,
yesterday afternoon, right, Matt?
Yeah, yeah, partytimeshow.com.
Catch all the party time.
We do.
During the day shows,
though. It's like noon
Hillock Central's time.
Different time, different days.
It's an upset day.
yeah yeah it's whenever me and zack's schedules can line up when i can get the crib to myself
and he's not working gotcha gotcha my man cool there you go you guys are all caught up
feeling good yeah all right i just want to say i love you guys i'm gonna hang up you guys
keep it real all right all right see you man that was nice you don't have to hang up you know
it's not unusual your listeners are kind to me or is that just the people being used to
it's just the youtube people or milkman are we in the fucking youtube yeah oh yeah it's
no music but we're on youtube hello hello shabba market so they had no idea what i was saying
shabba market yeah this is shabba market oh hey my name is mr lover man
shava mr lava man trailer load trailer load trailer load of girls shava ranks here hey buddy
man shava's dope he was ugly as fuck though he was really he was like more uglier than seal
oh i guess it just depends i just i remember uh in living color had a bit where was mr ugly man
and it was him by the pool all over mr ugly man uh that that makes me laugh dude i well i was in
the hospital was watching like i was let me watch some in living color old school shit it doesn't
it doesn't translate well 20 years later man it's not it was not funny even the jim carrey stuff i'm
just like fuck this guy he's a fucking crazy guy now hello hello yeah hey hey i'm starting a
restaurant called sanitary indian cuisine all right can you supply clean food do you do you
have food there this is shaba ranks market shaba market yeah shaba market yeah exactly what kind
of food you have well groceries and all that yeah but what is this this is tamil this is indian
persian oh no it's not like a restaurant oh i know but it's a market what do you specify in
asian east asian central asia do you have some it's nice you type in you type in madhouse live
on the youtube you have like regular um like regular food american food or is it ethnic yeah
yeah do you have do you have the bread called roman meal no okay what breads do you have wonder
bread yeah wonder bread uh bimbo your mom is there who your mom man you're taking it too far
man sharmuta oh you motherfucker yeah hey how you doing bismillah who's that bro hey it's me
come on you know who this is sharmuta face olmec huh go what the fuck is that olmec sharmuta
amin this is amin i don't know what the fuck is that well my name is amin all right you little
sharmuta you you know bit of a delay you little sharmuta little monkey i love you guys there
you know i love you guys right i want to kiss you on your lip your big lips
all right come on motherfucker i'm gonna kiss you all over your body yeah and i'm gonna suck
your dick i'm gonna suck your dick really hard i'm gonna suck your dick really hard
you are yeah really hard you're gonna like it i'm gonna make you a gay i'm gonna turn you into a
gay i quit man fuck that all right bye he quits everybody all right good oh hey carlito did you
Did you hear the, um, the, the eagle egg restaurant we had that, that he wasn't going to quit on us the other day?
Yeah, we called him, and we were, he, he, like, started kind of, I think, at the gist, it was bullshit.
Hey, hang on.
Caller, you're on the air.
You're on the air.
Caller.
Hey, what's up?
It's Dragon Man.
Can you hear me all right?
Hey, Dragon Man.
Hey.
Hey, you sound good.
How you doing?
Hey, fucking.
How you doing?
doing i hear you're all excited you're we're looking and again uh our own airbnb better than
the hillock one i understand yeah i you oh i think that's good yeah like i'll have my own airbnb with
blackjack and strippers i was gonna have a pool we're gonna be jumping into the pool from the top
of the roof we're gonna take you up there too we're gonna put you in a wheelchair and throw
you over matt i would no one do anything of the sort yeah well you're not gonna be able to stop
us when we tie you up really i'll just say oh you're threatening kidnapping no it's for fun
come on i think i think i don't think i'm gonna be anywhere near any place you guys have
uh i'm are you excited about this trip dragon mirror are you 100 are you just thinking about
on the fence still oh no i'm i'm i'm gonna go i'm 100 i'm in oh wow yeah matt it's looking like
there's gonna be a bigger turnout than in chicago if you can believe that um that's weird yeah why
is it weird don't you want this you wanted this no it's neat um it's uh it was i'm just it was
very nice seeing everybody it was very strange like people like out of their way to come see
little old me type thing uh it did feel like that i felt like i was taking advantage you know
You know, people wasting their money and their time.
I know.
I would have went to Chicago.
I'd have taken any of those young men in the bathroom with me.
Yeah, Dragon Bear would have been in Chicago, but he had a problem, he said.
Not enough time, not enough notification.
You see?
That's Matt's fault.
Totally Matt's fault.
No, that's Jaiad's fault, actually.
He's the one to blame for that.
And kind of Brad, also.
I'm going to call a total beauty supply, speaking of Brad.
Sober.
Don't be sober.
It's not good.
good are you gonna are you gonna import your old style beer with you from chicago um i'm sure they
probably haven't no they don't sell that anywhere but chicago hello no it's like a midwest beer
yeah they're not selling that in san jose but it's like there's like there's some weird there's
i listened to a podcast about it something there's some weird reason that like a lot of
chicago bars have old style signs out front though some weird marketing because there's a lot of old
dive bars looking old style stuff so it's not a local beer it's just a midwestern yeah i don't
know it's i mean the cans i'm drinking right now damn right you can it's so funny you can see me
me on skype and i can see you on youtube oh crap really yeah you can see how that's how we're
watching each other oh okay that's what you're doing cool that's a good way around the fact i
don't want to turn my camera on skype what's the point oh i know because i'm the only one there
so i'm saying it's nice it's like such a weird way we're doing this think about how many servers
are they just going through to make this happen you will not find old style southwest
that's all caps and explanation yeah they take that serious don't bring that old stuff yeah
but but there's like weirdo stores that just sell all kinds of shit and it's not like it's
my favorite thing in the world it's cheap and it's in fucking pounder cans and downstairs
downstairs it's a i can drink goddamn pbrs it's got to get distributed man that's the whole thing
i mean to your first part there about there's special little stores but if they don't there's
no distributor you can't get it because you probably can't move that shit across state
line machines because of taxes i'm fine let me just go but you're good you're gonna pbr
all right making mom sneeze carton sorry sorry okay there we got them shoes okay all right men's
and women's what was the question do you have men's and women's shoes yes we have men's women's
uh youth kids and infants okay do you have anything in the middle like unisex uh yeah we
have unisex shoes okay what do they come in a unisex yeah unisex are uh for actually titled
Titled unisex would be Conversion Vans.
Conversion Vans are the only ones that are actually unisex, but all youth is going to be unisex.
What do you do with the shoes if they get returned?
When they get returned, it depends on how they were returned.
If you just tried them on, they didn't fit, you return them.
And they were in brand new condition.
Obviously, we just go ahead and just check them out and put them back up for sale as long as you didn't use it.
Well, they're borderline.
I mean, if they're worn, we won't take them back.
Well, I mean, what if they're defective?
Do I have to go?
We'd have to check them out and see if it's defective.
If it is defective, we'll go ahead and refund with the shop at the receipt.
Because these shoes I got, they make a buzzing noise.
They make a buzzing noise?
Yeah.
Do you have the receipt still?
They go like this.
They go...
Like that.
When I'm walking, they go...
The shoes go...
all right just go ahead and bring him in we'll check him out and the show was like you the
shoe was like you motherfucker you you know yeah it said do that when they're fd'd it said that to
me it said you motherfucker i drank old style beer it said i don't know what the fuck it's
talking about it's probably one of the air maxes the air maxes do that when they're defective you
hear it it makes burping noises it talks back that sounds like the air max 90 talks back see
See, you heard it?
But that's actually what it does.
No, you're placed there, Max.
They're supposed to do that.
All right, well, can you help me out with this?
Do you have any suggestions what I can do to appease the shoes?
Appease them?
You probably have to get something else because those shoes are supposed to do that.
All right, I'm going to hit you in the face with the shoes, all right?
Actually, yeah, that's actually one of the things it does.
Yeah, well, I'm going to throw them at you.
It's going to be me that throws them at you like a fucking Iraqi insult.
Yeah, that's actually also in the receipt on the bottom.
If you read the survey, it actually has that bit of information on there.
I hope you like the taste of shoe.
Do you have any other questions?
I hope you like the taste of shoe leather.
You're going to get two shoes right to the face machine.
You actually do have suede cleaner, too, if you wanted to get anything to clean those.
Yeah, I'm going to put that in your ass, the whole bottle.
I'm going to connect it to your ass on the funnel.
Dude is a fucking trooper, isn't he?
Yeah.
Like, he just keeps going, just keeps going.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You're my boy.
Your audio just went away, man.
Where?
i don't know what uh on skype oh i don't know we were talking i saw you doing the thing because
i was thinking to myself where's that dang train whistle and then i saw it in the video
and i was like is he reading my mind maybe i was talking maybe i do hear him i think you're crazy
that's always there call hello shoe store thank you for calling wsa shoe stock selections david
i'm assisting today hey david we seem to have been disconnected how you doing sailor yeah our
phone's messing up bro yeah oh that's kind of funny dragon bear is here still yeah let's do
my phone my phone was cutting out i thought i lost you for a minute oh because i didn't play
take you off the whole to conference you with the call i was going out it was my bad my bad
totally my bad grown american superfood cookbook what a list of black people food okay grown
Grown American Superfood Cookbook.
Okay, whatever this is, let's just, all right, let's do it.
Parkman with a good idea.
I'm calling the Grown American Superfood.
Hi.
May I have your, yes, may I have your first name, please?
Yeah, my first name is Horace.
H-O-R-A-C-E.
So you're calling about the Grown American Superfood, right?
Superfood, yeah.
Okay.
Does it have gumbo?
It has fruits and vegetables in it, okay?
Does it have gumbo?
I don't think so, no.
Does it have fried chicken?
Sir, no.
Does it have cornbread?
Okay, do you want to order or are you just playing around?
I have questions, and I do want to order after my questions are answered, missy.
No, no cornbread and no fried chicken.
Does it have dumplings?
No, sir.
Does it have watermelon?
No.
Why would you ask all of that?
I have a list here I need to get through.
Does it have catfish?
Hello?
Hello, honey?
Honey?
Okay.
They light up the bridge.
We had fried catfish.
someone on yelp suggested to get old style there is a barbecue joint on the somewhere
fuck yeah that caters to chicago sports fans so it has it hello hello this is where you talk
the silvero's brazilian barbecue what they have at the brazilian barbecue of all places
beer the chicago brazilian barbecue okay yeah they they catered to chicago but i imagine there's
lots of weird little hello hello and i used to go to a little fucking what is it a jamaican joint
that had like 200 kind of beers um you know that place was rad that's the first place i think the
The only place I ever had the yards of beer that they set, like, next to the table, you know?
Okay.
The big, like, three-foot glass.
Is that a Jamaican thing?
Yards?
I don't think I've heard of it.
I don't know.
I think it's because it was around all the Irish bars, maybe.
All the Jamaican beer I know is Red Stripe.
Red Stripe's a nice little fucking beer.
Do you ever have that beer from the Bahamas called Calique?
It's pretty good.
Do you ever have El Presidente beer?
That's good, too.
Where are you going, Matt?
Matt, you just leaving?
Walking off?
Matt's just in the middle of me talking to him.
Just walks off.
That's pretty rude.
I got a good mind to disconnect them forever.
Bye, illegal man.
Please leave your message for 7-0.
Shut up.
All right, Dragon Bear, I'm going to see if someone else wants to call in.
Thanks for calling in, buddy.
Sorry, I'm kind of off.
You there, buddy?
Dragon Bear, you may be muted.
Dragon Bear, me-ho, me-ho.
All right, Dragon Bear, I got to go.
Dragon Bear not saying anything.
Good, I was going to go anyway.
Online bilingual assistance.
We're with Davi the cat
He's on camera right now
He's having a nice little nap on the couch
Homer's laying down on the floor
Thank you for calling you, assist me
Please leave a message with your contact information
And one of our self-representatives
I had a good idea for that
I can hear a mat returning
I don't want to hear this, I want to hear doom
I want to hear good old classic special herbs doom
From the top, take it back to 2006
Madhouse now
Yeah, Homer the dog, he missed me
Apparently when I was gone, he was very sad
That I was a gone guy
but his dad was gone he didn't understand dad was here he's gone why is he gone i don't like this
poor boy he was super happy to see me back he was jumping i was like dude you can't do that right
now be jumping on me it was good to get out of work though for a week work was stressing me the
fuck out matt was here back from his toilet break he'd be like work is for suckers 405-396-6884 is
the number to dial if you want to join me and matt tonight 405-396-684 that's 405 39 mouth
my voice is not giving out not has not given out 100 yet but i don't know hi thanks for calling
the ground american superfood to get the powerful products nutrients straight from the farm to you
my name is club and i will be happy to help you and for quality purpose this call will be recorded
Hi, how are you?
Oh, sexual.
What was your name?
Claben?
Claudette.
Yes, Claudette.
Claben?
Claudette.
Claudette.
P-L-E-U.
Okay.
Yes.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
Because you, are you West Indian?
Yes.
Oh, nice.
I love that.
I had a girlfriend.
She was from Trinidad and Tobago.
Okay, yes.
And I had another girlfriend who was from Dominica.
Okay, I'm from Martinique.
Oh, Martinique.
Nice, nice.
I've been there.
I've been to Aruba.
been to saint martin or saint martin you know depends on what side you're on
yeah the sexy girls very sexual women you know they're bred for uh yeah all right uh so what's
about this cooking book is this for is this like a caribbean cooking book no it's more vegetable
like collard greens what is your first name collard collard greens in it is there collard
of greens in it how to make them they have they have a lot of it's a powdered vegetable drink
that they already have all the vegetable in it oh so then this i thought this was a cookbook
uh they we we have a cookbook in it also that they send you with the package yeah all right
but it's a powdered drink that you sell is it for losing weight no no no it's a nutrient good
Good nutrients for yourself.
Okay, does it have candy yams in it?
No, I don't think so.
Okay, all right.
Does it have an elephant in it?
Now you're trying to make a prank call, right?
No, no, I'm serious.
I'm really serious because I need nutrients, you know.
Will it help with my magnesium?
Yes, because we do offer magnesium stuff in it.
Okay, because I wake up every morning, I make a smoothie.
i make a morning smoothie but i i wake up like a i wake up at 2 p.m and i make a smoothie and i
said morning smoothie everybody you know that's what i like to say you know because i'm a lazy
you know and i don't work because work is for suckers you know it is yeah so i'd like to can
i put this in my smoothie can i put can i put this in my smoothies i can i can i can feel it
The prank call that you're doing
I know it's a prank call
You're not calling to order
What island that I'm from?
Yeah, but that's from Paris
I just told you Martinique
But I wasn't from Martinique
I'm from France
Yes, I am
But I do sound
Yes, I do from France
No, you said you're from Martinique.
Why didn't you say you're French?
I'm from, but we speak French there.
Don't you know that?
In Martinique, they speak French.
Yeah, but you're not from Paris.
That's because you speak French.
Yes, but I'm from Paris, too.
My mom is from Paris.
Oh, whatever.
My dad is from Paris.
You don't sound like it, though, you know?
Okay.
What color is your skin?
Oh, she's not from Paris.
She's from Martinique.
Martinique, maybe Paris Island.
and i'm sorry i said what color is your skin that's terrible why would i say that's very mad
hell walk on me that's really very mad luck excuse me everyone let's take a moment and reflect on the
bad thing i just said um yeah matt i'm telling you uh next election i'm gonna send you some i'm
gonna get you some a nice supply of beer if you vote for who i tell you to vote for it'll be great
man you go down there when you vote usually get a donut you know and you get a sticker i know
know you're a big fan of stickers you get one of those i voted stickers you can put it there on
your pla hat are you talking to am i here yeah i'm talking to you
yes yes or to report a problem in your state please press one seems like you're not i am
thank you for calling the election protection hotline all of our volunteers are busy helping
helping other voters right now.
Please leave a message with your name, phone number, city.
For a vote?
We'll send you some beers, you know, and you vote for who I tell you to vote for.
Again, how many?
How many beers?
I mean, how much will you charge?
I'll send you a case.
I don't know what's on the offer yet.
We haven't started the barter.
I don't know what.
Okay.
Fucking.
24.
24 beers.
Okay.
A whole truck of beer.
this whole truck of beer i'll start i'll start with i'll start with the high thing then maybe
if you get you and your mom to take my vote requests then i'll get a case of beer i don't
know does your mom drink beer ever she ever have a beer like it's so a case so i case like okay so
i i'm drinking beast ice and so a case like there's i'm i don't there's no kid there's 15
team packs so or it's like a queso will sell i think that's like 18 dollars all right okay so
you think that's what no i'm not leaving the house for that but it's close it's close it's
probably really close and you get a donut you know it's no i wouldn't want i wouldn't call her
donut shut up it's brendan brendan hey big brendan how you doing hey i'm good i'm on the road
i'm on the road right now so i can't get numbers for you i'm here with matt he say hi to matt he
doesn't like it when people hey matt what's up hey i met you up i'm maddie i met you up in chicago
i was the oh okay it was all yeah you were what guy cool meeting you man i was like it was great
to meet all y'all it was like so super nice he gave me such a big confidence boost he was very
very sweet i know man i thought like don't don't get weirded out by this but like seeing the smile
on your face like yeah i was very happy how happy you were are you weirded out i'm weirded out by
shit man no it's very sweet it's very nice hey man are you excited we're gonna have legal
recreational marijuana in illinois soon i think i think we probably will it doesn't really matter
matter to me is but if it just no i know if it gets my prices down it'll be rad you know i think
it will just be nice if there's more high people there's just a nicer city yeah it'll be safe i
agree and then you'll be more willing to go out and commit voter fraud with me that's what we were
talking about just before you joined brent well we were trying to up the fucking ante though my friend
i don't know i'll get you a couple cases dude my my beer habit is very well within my price range
so that's why i'm saying it has to be a lot get me to go out and do how about a light show machine
one of them light shows you like those light shows laser shows for your room okay my last
laser i bought six hundred dollars dude that thing is scary looking by the way you saw pictures of it
it's got all those warnings on it it's it's it looks like you use it to cut wood
you apparently can etch with it i haven't done it yet though but i happened to sit on the bed
till i think i was changing piss pants or some shit and but i sat is the only time i ever sat
on the bed while it was on like next to me and i was like there's like blindness right there and
And it's such a weird, like, I just lean into it and go blind.
Yeah, don't do that, man.
I wouldn't want to, but it's weird just having that option right there.
Yeah.
There's a metal door that slides down, and you got to unscrew.
And then there's a key, and there's a fucking giant power button.
There's the, well, you saw a picture.
Is it worth $600, though?
I mean, is it multicolored?
Does it have patterns and stuff like that?
Yeah, it draws.
I haven't done files for it yet, but I can just draw.
Yeah, yeah, it does.
So you haven't seen the video.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
I've seen your, yeah, you, like, did PLA and Cactus and shit like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it's got, like, 3D Pokemons.
I think it's been, because it's from fucking China, like, crazy.
And so I think it was used in a lot of, like, displays and, like, trade shows and shit.
it because a lot of things are just generic like a spray bottle spinning or a package of cigarettes
like you could see some store hat or something and then like these fuckers just keep the images
yeah right you know it's fucking it's fucking slick man you can play games on it but i haven't
been able to map the controller they probably stole where it came from they probably stole it
you know because of chinese no it's from probably cost i mean it's it's a solid ass thing so i'm
sure it's semi-expensive but it's no maybe two hundred dollars there okay if that all right okay
we're gonna call a dallas fox 4 news tip line cool what's the tip who'd you find uh i usually
usually like to like say the name okay no no no the request is to the plot to come into america
hi news line yeah yeah i needed to spread a news tip to you guys i don't know
huh tech talk damn it some call dropped i don't know the tip line still is it tip line shit matt
you still there yeah okay i thought internet's dropped uh well i'm waiting on the tip line bro
bro. I had a good idea for that.
It was going forever.
And I was doing a little joke.
I said,
yes, the head of the news,
the gentleman that picks up the phone
says you have a very important
tip. You could hear it in your voice.
Yeah, it was
taking forever. I'll call back.
I'm sorry to make it take forever, Matt. I'm sorry.
Please. Don't be mad. Oh, so
what? So what?
I took forever? Don't be sore
because I took too long.
What's your news?
I have a tip, you know, but you're putting me on hold for too long.
I'm sorry, but there's a lot of things going on here right now.
Like what?
Like what?
News cap.
Like what?
Okay.
You know what?
We were not interested in the tip.
Yeah, whatever.
Whatever fake news.
Thank you for calling.
Fake news.
Thank you who?
Fake news.
Whatever.
Fucking fake news.
There's a lot going on.
Hello?
There's an active shooter at the news station.
Oh.
they're still damn all right i'll drop them uh hey the fucking thanks for that doom thing
wasn't that nice song and that and that but but like i i've heard it have you listened that uh
trapping in japan station yeah you sent me a link to it i have going on the tv okay over here
or the tv the other computer right i just like i like the visuals dude uses too but i had heard
it on there like but i didn't catch all of it so i didn't know the song but i i went look there's
like all these doom music videos and shit oh yeah there's a ton of fucking yeah i feel like i've been
And like let's rip in
We call sleepers
I share them with you here and there
All those doom like I'll find a nice one
I'll be like hey
But it seems like I'm just out
Like I'm out the world
A lot you know
Like I'm not quite as sick
At all I'm like
I like what I like
In certain years it seems like
Good enough
Not a lot of new things coming
well you spend a lot of time inside matt this is very i would say 99.9 of my days
too bad that youtube people can't hear the music yeah thanks youtube and then if they
just listen to the mixer is the audio the audio is even more wonky than in it no like a different
Frank, because, well, I know my audio is wonky with my video, but I couldn't even get it to stream the other day, so I just said, fuck it.
I couldn't get it to pick up my microphone.
It was driving me crazy.
On Mixler, you couldn't?
I don't know.
No, no.
Mixler, I couldn't.
On YouTube, I couldn't.
It's something with OBS.
Hello?
Hello?
You calling me?
Yeah, someone called my cell phone.
yeah and someone didn't answer the phone well who is it well you got something for sale a nice house
auger and a vexilar yeah yeah okay so why are you calling back like that with attitude i don't need
that put the man on the phone and i'll deal with them motherfucker you don't like nobody playing
on your phone yeah what the fuck is that i'm gonna scream my calls i'll do somebody's saying
is this live yes this live show we're live not for long because my head's bumping and my voice
is gone i think i didn't even do two hours man i'm glad your call has been forwarded to an automated
voice messaging system i think i didn't hey if i share screens it's not available i think so
the mailbox is full i cannot accept any messages because i got this such a weird let's see if i
can do it i guess it should notify me to accept it i believe laura you can change your video source
maybe i just don't know if see i don't think it works with skype is the thing it doesn't show
skype though you know what i'm saying like i saw it i saw your desktop you didn't yeah yeah but you
don't see skype oh it it it minimizes skype itself that would make sense wouldn't you yeah
yeah and i'm what i'm trying to show you is skype thing and i can't talk about it on the air okay
okay the secret skype thing well just uh you know take a screenshot and you can copy paste that
you know i don't even you don't know that's okay we'll talk about it later i'm about to end the
show so we'll talk about it you know don't worry about it buddy it's fun it's okay yeah all right
glad i could hang out for a little bit i was excited yesterday when i saw you're doing shit
i'm glad someone did i didn't even take it as a cancellation i took it as a oh hey carly just
doing a show tomorrow like it's a good thing hey where's today's show that was the plan and it
worked for the most part there were some mean people on facebook saying mean shit oh they don't
know that you got a life too it's all about them right i could have but i mean i feel even worse
than i did right now i just came home from the hospital when the show would have started
fuck that i want to hang out with my dog and my wife and my cats how many kitty cats
please leave a message i got two kitty cats and what are their names davi he's on video now i
think he is he would be if he wasn't the other camera was on he's taking a nap and then chloe's
the female she's upstairs she doesn't come downstairs she's ever since we got the dog
she's like fuck that i'm done with you guys i'm living up here it was just yeah like like i've
just cut away fucking 50 of my life i'm just gonna live in this other area of space
face yep she's the rest of it yeah she's like cat workers for suckers i'm not coming out anymore
she came down today for a little bit she's like oh hey dad you're back i noticed you were gone
i hadn't seen you in a few days i pet her that's kind of cool yeah yeah yeah at least at least
gave the man in the house a nod of the head yeah okay ain't seen you yeah that you doing boss it's
appreciated yeah all right man i'm gonna wrap it up i'm gonna give a shout out to my super chat
chat donators and i'm gonna go all right buddy that's so nice i'll catch you when i get out of
here we'll we'll talk let's do a skype thing together i just don't want to do a show all
right see you bye bye yeah cheers man thanks matt what's mad helllock everyone partytimeshow.com
does a show on prank call nation on a weekly basis what day of the week that is depends as
explained earlier i'm going to give a thank you to everyone who's super chatted uh who's super
superchatted nick johans sent a nice super chat thank you very much no message left so i cannot
say anything uh just remember if you super chat doesn't matter what amount it is i will uh share
share a message uh dragon murr who called in earlier sent a super chat and my vision's blurry
he gave it some emojis uh eggs and heat nice he's got a frying pan with an egg in it and a slash a
forward slash and uh fire which means extra heat i get it thank you uh galen b2 sent a donation
and said horse face stormy daniels yes yeah she was just on cnn a minute ago not her but they
were showing her fucking horse face right dude our president man's fucking this week sat there
in the hospital in the hospital but just watching the creed the election i didn't get the vote which
really bummed me out i didn't get out in time now they were trying the doc was like i'm trying to
get you out in time so you can vote i was like it's very very important for me to vote and i
didn't uh didn't get out he was very sad about it like it's all right it's just one vote it's like
voter apathy ha ha ha and he started laughing he was a cool dude uh roy's roy s donated also no
message left thank you walter heimlich maneuver said we need cross to join roy in a helicopter
descending into an elevator shaft that that's makes sense that's uh uh um an homage or a
I mentioned to a recent show I did with Brad where we're in a helicopter together,
and that would also be me in the elevator shaft calls with the Echo.
That's a nice combination.
There were several Super Chats yesterday.
I don't know why they're not coming up here, but several Super Chats yesterday,
even though I didn't do a live show, I think.
I think that's a correct statement, and I want to thank everyone who did that.
You didn't need to.
Last week, Llama Boy said Carlito come back and make some more shows.
That was last week.
Sorry, I was sick in the hospital.
he also said carlito we need you live sons thank you llama boy 1991 for that much appreciated i
don't see them here now but i thought there were some super chats yesterday even though it wasn't
live if there were thank you for sending them i'm sorry that i don't have them in front of me now at
the moment but it's much appreciated catastrophe also with a feel better carlito machine i feel
fine i'm just i'm just kind of i don't know out of sorts right now all right i was in a bunch of
meds and they had me on morphine for the first three days and i didn't like it dude like i've
been on morphine before and it's helped out it did nothing it felt like it did nothing for my pain i
was actually telling them take me out the fucking morphine and just give me oxys or something give
me something else because this is not it's it takes the pain away for like 30 minutes and for
the rest of the time that i'm on it i'm sleeping in pain that's all i can sleep but it hurt it
It hurts like crazy the whole fucking time.
So it's like, fuck, you know.
And the nurse is agreeing with me.
She's like, yeah, you're right.
Yeah, let's just take you off of this.
I'm like, yeah, please.
I don't want to get hooked on something.
Yeah, this is the first time I've left a hospital where they don't give,
they don't send me home with pain medication either.
They were very serious about that.
Like, just to let you know, we don't, unless you really need it,
you're not going to get any pain medication.
You're going to have to rely on Tylenol when you're out of here.
I'm like, that's fine.
I'm like, I actually told the one nurse, I was like, I've got medical marijuana.
I'm fine.
I don't need it.
i don't even want it i was weaning myself off way early like are you sure you don't want your pain
medication like no i was saving it tonight night time i will take it at night when i was done with
when i was getting tired and i was like all right let me i will take my pain medication then and
help me sleep through the night all right okay are we done psyched alika says get better big
carlito thank you i don't know if i'm missing some they may not be coming in all hey they may
not all be coming in i'm gonna sign out i know it's been a kind of a weird show but i felt like
Like I needed to do something.
So that being said, MadhouseLive.com is my website machine.
Be sure to head over there and check out the website.
There at the website, you will find links to the podcast and stuff like that.
You know, shoutcast tune-in links.
Patreon.com slash Madhouse to donate and support the show.
Be sure to chat over at hijinks.fun slash pranks.
Speaking of the podcast, I will finish editing that podcast as soon as possible and get it uploaded.
uploaded and i'll do the same with tonight's show as well but hey it's a short show so we won't have
to worry about it taking too long to edit right yeah can't wait for that and there should we i
should have enough for a nice um international uh telephone business machines the second podcast i
should have enough for that too i just gotta get a get in there and edit it all right so basically
look i'm behind on editing i've got a reason i'll take care of it i'm gone have a good weekend
Again, maybe I'll do a show Monday for Veterans Day.
No promises.
All right, bye.

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