Busting Cheeks

Yeah, but I'm not stupid at that.

Yeah, well, why are you saying stupid at things, you know?

You motherfucker.

No, you fucking motherfucker.

You motherfucking stupid motherfucker.

Hey, I'm Pakistani.

I'm Pakistani.

Fuck off, you motherfucker.

I'm Pakistani, motherfucker.

I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live.

I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito.

That's my big amigo.

So just kick back to listen to this cat call.

People, when this show goes live, I'll be like, yeah, this shit's bitchin'.

Stop whatever I'm doing to tune in and listen

You can catch me in the back of his home

At Horse Machine Ranch Road

I'm busting mad fat flows for assholes and banchos

Must be crazy, shout out to Big Amy

That's nice, honey, baby

We kissing pussies, so ladies, set your labia

It's crazy how the stuff that my bruh might say to ya

Face it, cuz it's the number one prank cast

Stay back if you can't handle all the straight laughs

That we hand to your dome

And if you want, call the number

You can listen to this show on the go

Big up to the man in the madhouse

He showed up, he stickin' motherfuckin' hands up

Some come close, but they can't get it right

Let the king do his thing, it's time for Madhouse Live

You know, cheek-bustin' time

Wee!

You heard about what's going on in there?

Heard a lot of bullshit talk, I know that much

This isn't bullshit, my friend

Do you know something?

Don't listen to me

What do you know?

Maybe I do and maybe I don't

What I say is they got no business negotiating

We ought to be going back in there with a bullet for everybody in the yard

Oh, is that right?

We do it now, we do it later. Later ain't gonna be no use. Am I right, Al?

Now, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute, Frank.

We got a lot of angry guys in there, black Muslims, Panthers, young lords.

Besides you, the average antisocial.

So we gotta go in, right? Clean your clocks.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the main event evening.

Sweet Tomatoes for hours and locations, press 1.

To speak with our staff, press 0.

Hey, this is Reek. How can I help you?

Hey, how you doing? What's going on over there? How's the heat?

Hey, who is this?

This is Walter. Just, you know, hanging out, busting cheeks.

You know, it's cheek-busting time.

Okay, can I help you with anything?

Yeah, I wanted to make an order. Want a salad?

Okay, sounds good. What kind of salad did you want?

A big family size?

Green salad with heat.

Greek?

With heat.

With heat?

Yeah, heat.

Like H-E-A-T?

piece yeah i need some heat on it okay give me one moment please okay cheek busting do you think

i really like hello hello hi yeah what happened i've never heard of that before are you being

serious hang on give me a second yeah uh you gotta put hot on it you know we don't we don't

do that sorry well what do you mean you got hot things there you got things that go hot right

right? Things that go hot. You want a salad that's hot? Yeah, put some soup on it or something. I

don't know. Okay, I think you should just come in if you want to order that. What kind of soups

do you have? We have a lot of soups right now. Well, you guys have a rotation, and I'd like to

know what you have. Do you have the lemon orzo soup right now? No, we don't have that soup.

Fucking shit. What's the urine content of the soup right now?

Great day at Sweet Tomatoes. For hours and locations, press 1. To speak with our staff,

press zero hey how are you honey oh they're calling smash burton coleman is edward speaking

how can i help you hey what's going on how you doing there bottle nose hey what's up hey i'm

you know just hanging out busting some cheeks tonight you know cheek busting time excuse me

yeah busting cheeks tonight i'm busting cheeks tonight excuse me uh quite falling i need to make

an order i'm sorry to say we don't take calling orders sorry about that oh come on you

take online orders what's the difference that i'm just sorry to say we don't take calling orders

why are you being about that why are you being a punch i'm sorry to say sir but we don't take

calling orders all right i got three cartons of cigarettes if you do it um no thank you sir

newports come on uh the only things that we have are online or through doordash or if you

come in well doordash they charge a fee even for pickup they charge a fee that's not fair

that's not fair for the people i'm sorry about that uh do you have a phone that you can use

like just do me a favor just go on there and i tell you what to get and you put it in the phone

i mean i mean it's not fair to you because then you're not going to get the tip i'm going to have

to give it to the computer machine and where are you anyway it sounds like it sounds like

listen asshole it sounds like you're in a fucking boiler room you won't help me out you don't have

a good reason why you can take online orders but you can't take phone orders and i don't like

your attitude i'm sorry about that all right is there someone else i can talk to because i'm going

to yell and curse and i don't want to do it to you corporate's number and you can have no i want

to talk to someone now on the phone now you don't understand i don't need corporate i need to be

transferred to a voicemail i don't need to have my phone number written down this is now now now now

now again we don't take call-in orders all right and i i'm sorry about that well what do i do then

how do i do this um either online uh through doordash or if you come in we'll have you then

do i use the iphone the iphone for the for the online order yeah do i use the iphone uh yeah

just go to smashburger.com okay and then our store number it will be um what's the google for

it what's the google or the youtube the youtube for it are you there sir uh yes indeed i'm on

on speakerphone uh no you aren't penis labia vagina cunt hey everyone there's a penis over

here it's over here that was a speakerphone there's a penis over here hey everyone there's

a penis over here that's that's what you get when you put me on speakerphone you know how i do it

it's funny i heard jag doing it the other day same thing it's pretty funny i like it when

carolina does this i've only had it go off really well we're like it was once with matt on the show

and it was a guy went in an office full of women during a daytime show and he ended up scrambling

for it as soon as i just started saying vulgar things vulgarities vulgarities yeah that's a

prank call that i did once you know what let's listen to that i know i just started the show but

we're gonna i started an hour late i'm gonna try to get executive permission to go an extra hour

but i can't guarantee that i can't guarantee it homer has a little bladder this is a little

little fucking little mutt little baby little he's still a little puppy not really he can hold

it but he gets real annoying after two hours um this what's this called prank call called

vulgarities and then we'll do another prank call and then i will give out the links and the

medias the youtubes and everything i'll give out our googles are you calling about and how may i

help you i'm so worked up i gotta i gotta step away from my desk because i'm gonna get trouble

here at work because i'm gonna have to yell at you so i'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick

okay just hang on don't hang up hello yeah hello are you there can you hold please uh you're just

gonna make me angrier but hang on a second while i'm here while i'm here hang on so listen i went

to the the location down on uh what's that you're gonna have to call me back when you're not in the

the restroom. I'll take your call when you're finished. I'm a person, and you're treating me

rudely, and I'll take your call when you come back. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done.

Afternoon. How can I take your call? I'm calling you back, yes. Is this the young lady I was

talking to earlier? Yes, sir. How may I help you? Okay, well, I'm no longer in the bathroom, and

I think it's appropriate now for me to start yelling. I'm so sorry. Hold on just a moment,

Oh, God damn it.

I'm putting you on speakerphone.

I'm sorry.

God damn it.

Okay.

Listen, I heard that damn song, too.

That Kiss song.

You know those men who used to dress up and wear women's clothes and stick their tongues out and paint their faces?

And that's what you play on hold?

These people take so long.

I've been late to work twice in a row now.

And yesterday, I stopped there last night, and I said, hi, young man.

And he said, what do you want?

Like that.

He said, what do you want?

And he said to Edward, he said, what do you want, nigga?

Like that.

Where were you?

Oh, which is the one?

What's that road?

You know the road that goes parallel from, you know that one?

It doesn't go parallel.

It goes through.

You cross over.

You know what I'm talking about?

I'm hearing groaning.

That's the guy next to me.

That's not me.

That is not me.

You're going to have to go to disruption, sir.

I'm sorry.

It's not my.

I'm not going to vulgarity.

That's not vulgarity.

It's natural.

Yes, hi.

Am I on speakerphone?

I don't give you permission to do that.

You can take me off the speakerphone and speak to me properly, please.

That's more like it.

So what was your name?

So I can write this down here in my papers.

My name's...

What's yours?

My name is Cross.

I'm sorry.

Could you spell it?

Cross.

C-R-O-S-S.

Is that your first name or last name?

No, Cross.

Just Cross.

that's all you need is cross okay how may i help you mister these people take so long in the

that i go to and the guy said that and he said what do you want nigga like that he said to me

when i asked him to please i said what why is it i've been waiting here 20 minutes for food in the

drive-thru i'm on the only car and he like he shoved the food in my face he shoved it in my

face and everything i'm so sorry that that happened to you sir what restaurant were you at

Sir, excuse me, excuse me, do you mind not?

Yes, am I on speakerphone?

You are.

Please take me off of speakerphone.

I don't give you permission to do that.

Sir, but I'm taking your call.

I'll keep you on speakerphone so I can take down your information on this.

That's not, you're not, that's not very courteous.

And I don't know, there's other people there listening and judging.

You're right.

I do have my director and he's going to listen as I take your call.

What is the director's name?

Director, state your name, please, and your title.

Slow service and rude service at one of the locations is what I said.

Hang on.

Give me a second.

That's what happened to me.

They were rude and disrespectful of me.

Yeah.

See, that was funny.

Sorry, YouTube, you didn't get to hear it.

It's not my fault or yours.

Just how YouTube goes.

Sorry.

Anyway, let's get a burrito bowl.

Burrito bowl, burrito bowl.

Bowl, bowl, bowl, bowl, bowl, bowl, bowl, burrito bowl.

This is a burrito bowl song.

How can I help you?

Bowl, bowl, burrito bowl, bowl.

My name's Cross.

Bowl, bowl, make bowl.

Burrito bowl.

I don't know.

It's one of them things you sell.

Bowl, bowl, bowl, bowl, bowl, bowl, bowl, bowl.

If I ever get to produce a Chipotle television commercial,

it's going to be just about the burrito bowl.

I'm going to use this song.

Yeah, I wanted to make an order.

Yeah, I want to make them.

You would have to do that online, sir.

One bowl.

Just a bowl.

Yeah, but they want it to be done online, sir.

Yeah, but I don't have the WWW, you know?

Well, you see, because the reason they want one...

No, I don't see.

I don't see.

It takes time away from...

No, but I don't see.

You don't see what, sir?

You said you see.

I don't see.

You see, sir.

I don't have the WWW.

WWW.

One bowl.

please carnitas bowl black beans white rice sir we don't do this uh do them online especially

because corn salsa please come on come on just tell i tell you what to put on it right now and

you just put it to the side and then ring it up when i come in please i'll stand in line and

everything again i don't i'm not trying to jump ahead in line all right sure thing just just for

future reference just uh if you could just do your best with uh how do you say uh with doing

How do you say, with getting the app?

The reason being, again, because right now, thankfully, it's very slow.

One ball?

Yes, just so that you know.

Ball!

He was going to do it.

Fucking yelling ball at him.

Ball!

Oh, man.

Hey, everyone.

Did you know madhouselive.com is my website where you can go,

check out the links for the show, for the show.

bowl bowl bowl bowl shellcast links to tune in on the tune in app and the youtube 24 7 on youtube

i'll tell you what i did an evaluation here on the home network as far as the usage my usage of

my wan connection and i went from averaging four to five hundred uh under 500 gigs a month

to a terabyte and a half a month of traffic uh because i'm doing the 24 7 youtube thing

and i don't know at some point uh ye old major uh telecom provider might say hey asshole you're

using too much how about we shut you off and and oh you use it for your internet radio show well

that's a business here's business service for triple the yeah so uh i'm contemplating just

running youtube just for the show uh it's it's stable i've got a pretty stable now and and some

and a lot of people do check it out but it hasn't it doesn't seem to be the vehicle for uh discovery

for the madhouse live project uh the madhouse live product rather it's not the the the vehicle

that i was expecting it to be it's it's fruitful but i don't know i don't know i don't know i just

I just don't want to get on the bad side of my internet provider.

Because they're known to be assholes about stuff like that.

So, we'll see.

We'll see.

Just throwing that out there.

The shoutcast and tune in radio apps and all that stuff would still be working though.

So, it wouldn't be that big of a deal.

Hey, while we're talking about it.

Podcasting.

You know, podcasts is the radio of the future.

And you can check that out.

I have a podcast.

It's on iTunes.

iTunes and all your, wherever your favorite podcasts, anywhere your favorite podcasters

serve to you. You know, if you're a podcast guy or girl, you know what I'm talking about.

Look for me on there. Madhouse Prank Call Podcast. Thank you. And there's more to talk about. We'll

do it later. I don't want to do prank calls right now. Thank you. The mouth, like people

are calling the mouth line, either that or people are just calling it, not intending to know that

it's the mouth line they're calling in response to a craigslist at uh 405-396-6884 that's 405-39

mouth let's see if this is a real person or a troll or an enemy of mine one of my enemies

hi hater thanks for calling how can i help you oh this is you know chipotle has a ceo this is

mikey g from the bronx oh hey mikey g what's going on big guy how you how's your hair like

I like, it's good.

Good.

I'm a little bit, I don't know.

Why?

Were you going to the Army?

No, I was in the Marines already.

I told you that a long time ago.

Oh, I thought you were going to the Marines.

Yeah.

Oh, all right.

I went to, I went to, I went to Vieques and they, these caballeros tried to steal all

our shit.

Oh, good, good, man.

Get the fuck out of Vieques.

I guess it's too late for that.

You already did.

You know?

I know.

It's like 19, it was like, it was like 1998.

Oh, okay.

All right.

I'm in traffic, so.

You're stuck.

I'm in traffic, so.

I got stuck in traffic.

My six-minute commute today was an hour because of snow and sleet that was falling.

And it sucked.

Yeah, it sucked.

I'm not going back to work tomorrow.

Fuck it.

Yeah, fuck it, right?

What are you going to call it?

What's your excuse going to be?

What's your excuse?

You got the poops?

Well, they shouldn't let us out a little bit early.

So I was like, you know, come on.

And then they didn't let us out early.

So I'm just going to be like, yeah, I'm not coming in tomorrow.

You tell them.

Yeah, it's dangerous.

It's too fucking.

I'm thinking about doing it.

And I could walk to work probably.

But fuck that.

You know?

I'm really mad about it.

You know it wasn't bad because I had a gallon of iced tea in the car,

and I had a sandwich in there, and I had my eye medication vaping pen.

Was it a pretzel?

Was it pretzel bread, the bread?

No, I don't like that pretzel bread.

No, I don't like it.

I hate that shit.

Ever since I moved up here,

everyone wants to put a fucking pretzel bun in every fucking sandwich,

and I'm like, get the fuck out of here with that shit.

it's fucking salty it's way too salty like sour salty you ruin a sandwich it's like you might

it's like it's like putting this making a bagel sandwich and but making it super salty you know

bagels are really fucking dense it's just wrong man that's wrong i was listening i was listening

to an old show and and you said that so that's why i said i said the same thing already and i'm

i'm serious this fucking pretzel bread get oh my god they love that shit here oh how do we listen

to the how do we how do we get access to the old shows like the old shows they're all there like

every single show is up as far as i know all the ones that yeah on the podcast oh if you go to the

website you can get them and you can actually get them by category um like you can get the entire

entire 2005 as a podcast so you can just subscribe to but no you can go download you can go to the

website you get you have to down you just download it for the website every there's a show archive

link on the top and then it's and it breaks it down by year and era of the show so you can go

all the way to 2005 and they're all in there not all of them are titled and described but they're

all in there for the most part there might be a few that are missing but i don't know yeah those

Those are good to listen to at work, dude.

Milkman sounds different a couple of years ago.

Like, his voice sounds different.

Like, worse?

Yeah, he's got the cancer.

No, he doesn't have cancer.

I don't know if he's...

How does he sound different now?

Is this maybe because of the weed and stuff?

Uh-oh.

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

Like, what?

I'm sorry, I cut you off.

Like, what?

No, don't worry.

The tone of his voice.

But that's okay.

I'm all right.

But yeah, I heard Dwight had cancer, so that's fucked up, man.

I'm just kidding.

Hey, what the fuck was I going to say to you?

One more thing.

I put a folder in that Dropbox for you.

It's like, oh, you got to check it out, bro.

Oh, my God.

You got it.

It's a music folder.

It should be shared with you.

I should have shared it with you.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

I'd like to make an order.

Is this Mexico, Lindo, and Cantina?

Yes.

Okay.

Is Jefe there that speaks English?

English?

Who?

Do you speak English?

What do you think?

Well, I'm not convinced yet.

yet can i make an order what are you talking about papi papi like can i make an order please

sure why not why why are you pinching way why are you pinching way yeah my spoodle what what you are

why i'm our tamales you see how he doesn't speak english correctly come on man oh man

whatever what you are mikey are you are you the one married to the dominican

or something something dominican woman hello yeah yeah yeah yeah that's yeah do you like that

mangu you ever get that mangu do i like what mangu mangu mangu i love mangu bro it's good with with

red onions on top yeah yeah fucking good cebolla cebolla rojo on top yeah cebolla cebolla cebolla

let me what you put your puerto rican why do puerto ricans always say like yo man thanks god

why do they say thanks god thanks god i think i think my mom did used to say thanks god yeah

yeah i don't know you're right that is something my mom would totally say thanks god oh my god

thanks god oh puppy thanks god i love puerto ricans bro that's funny puerto ricans are funny

yeah yeah dominicans are funny too the minute all right so like when uh hurricane maria hit

hit last year that really bad hurricane that hit puerto rico i'm i'm i'm glued to internet radio

and i'm listening to like the the news stations in puerto rico they're broadcasting in spanish

and the mayor of san juan this chick she's she's gone after trump a lot i forget her name at the

moment she's a lady oh yeah i've seen her and you're right so she was reporting live from one

of the shelters that people she was actually reporting from the coliseum from from the

roberto clemente coliseum that they were using as a shelter and the the news the the news guy

at the radio was like so uh miss mayor um we've heard that there's been like some arrests at the

at the shelter can you talk about that and she goes all right look it's not a big deal there was

a guy who came and he was um he was inside and he brought meat and a charcoal grill and he was

was making pinchos basically big shish kebabs inside the inside a baseball stadium uh enclosed

baseball stadium to sell and then there was another dude who was drinking and there was

another guy that got arrested because he came with five big bottles of some kind of rum and he was

drinking it and when i looked at the run it was a dominican rum i'm like oh okay all right i get it

so so

apparently it was the hit the guy and his friend

so it's you know what i mean like there is it was like a chuckly kind of moment was like yeah

of course the dominican would show up and and he's he's he's trying he's trying to he's trying

He was trying to do a side hustle selling beef skewers, pork skewers to people in the shelter.

And he also brought, like, five big gallon jugs of this fire gut Dominican rum that he was, like, selling shots of or something.

It was a funny moment.

Yeah.

That Brugal.

I think it was Brugal.

That's what it was.

It was the guy I got with a bunch of Brugal.

Yeah.

I had never heard of it before.

i looked it up like oh it's a dominican room all right so it was a couple dominican guys out there

it was yeah dominica so what i'm saying is dominicans are funny too it's funny fucking

hilarious there's actually a movie called sanky panky which you have to watch you uh you would

die it's about it's about those dominican dudes that live on uh that live on the resorts and try

to pick up like german women like rich german women and it's like it's really funny all right

like to get married and shit you mean or yeah they try to like they try to they try to hook up

with uh with the you know rich white women that come to the resorts okay okay and to get a to get

a better life to come to the estados unidos yeah of course of course so that's you know you want

to come here they all want to come here they're coming to america they want to come yeah today

so is your wife legal now that you've married her is that why no she's been she's been legal

How much did you get?

Oh, 4,000.

4,000.

You know what's crazy?

When they call somebody out, they call them...

Hey, what's your name?

Yes?

What's your name?

Oh, Vida.

Stupida.

Yeah, I'm trying to make an order.

Hello.

Trying to make an order.

Yeah, but I'm not a stupida.

Yeah, well, why are you saying stupida things, you know?

you know that was another waste of a call

i gotta get you some good numbers over here with somebody's fucking

dominican like knuckleheads say we got a prank yeah yeah yeah anyway i'm gonna i'm gonna let you

all right yeah yeah trust me yeah all right get out of here it's good talking to you

Trust me.

All right, I trust you.

Yeah, you too, brother.

All right, see you, man.

Where's Milkman?

He's still suspended.

He might come back for Pranksgiving next week.

Pranksgiving next week, motherfucker.

Get hyped.

Get excited.

I can't wait.

I'm holding a vote.

Should Milkman come back on the show?

Yes or no?

What's your vote?

Yeah, of course.

I'm the one that said that Milkman was like the Flavor Flav.

I'm the one that said that in the Reddit.

The crackhead hype man.

I love him.

Yeah.

Milkman's the hype man, bro.

Yeah.

And you're the Bushwick Bill.

The Bushwick Bill.

You just show up every once in a while, and you get hurt, and you're on a gurney, and

you're punching a crumb.

Yeah, and I got one eye.

All right.

And I got one eye.

All right, motherfucker.

See you.

Bye.

Fucking, his line's open.

405-396-6884.

Telephone machine, guys.

Telephone machine.

So, look, don't really have, like, a straightforward plan for the show today, just to do some

pranks for a couple hours you know you know what i usually do uh here's obituary man here's

obituary man here's hello there hello there this man was the reason i spent about a year as a child

trying to get bit by a spider cue the spider-man theme song stanley martin lieber died november 12

2018 at the young age of 95 stanley was an american comic book writer editor and publisher

who went acting from the 1940s to the to the 2010s he rose through the ranks of a family-run

business to become marvel comics primary creative leader for two decades leading its expansion from

a small division of a publishing house to a multimedia corporation that dominated the comics

industry all right that's a big big old stan lee 89 000 years old finally died i remember

remember uh with sean ward a former prank call show guy from back in the days in the

brill building back in pcn some of you might know who i'm talking about very very few but some of

you nice guy anyway he uh he stayed with me for a weekend he's a comic book guy and an artist

illustrator he does videos on youtube now and stuff but he uh had a he uh he got a table you

you know, to do his thing at this comic book convention in Orlando.

And Stan Lee was there.

This was like 2006.

So it was before Iron Man and the Hulk, the Hulk, the shitty Hulk with Eric Bana.

But before they started trying to gear up the Avengers universe of things,

the Avengers franchise for the Marvel universe.

So like X-Men and the Spider-Man trilogy had existed.

existed but it hadn't gone super critical like it has now and um stanley was there and he i think

he had done i think he did can't he always did cameos i think he did them all of them right so

he had done some of them at that point like i don't think he did a cameo in the x-men movie but

i think he did a cameo in spider-man at least the first one but anyway so he was there and he was

really easy to access like i was able to actually talk to him at his table like no sweat just went

right up there was no line i mean people were there hanging out and he was you know a popular

dude there but it wasn't like he was you know you had to stand in line to get a picture with him

uh and but you know towards the end of his life here anytime that he did any of those events he

actually always pretty now with the resurgence of marvel or the surges of marvel so to say uh he

got he got he got super popular at events like that it was kind of cool and good for him good

Good for him.

We should have Tucker Mike explain.

Remember Tucker Mike, that guy?

I used to bring prank calls on all the time.

Hey, shut up and do prank calls, motherfucker.

Hey, delete the symbols.

I got Parkman numbers.

I got numbers from Nunu.

Theresa May, the Prime Minister of UK,

is in quite the goal over her Brexit plans.

Brad's bringing up mall rats.

Brody didn't even know Stan Lee was at the mall.

That's, I don't know why.

I like clerks and the others.

in the view of skew universe but mall rats is my favorite one that's the one that i like i

liked clerks i saw clerks and i got it but i bought mall rats in the 99 cent bin at walmart

when after i had lost a job and i went on unemployment and that first unemployment

check i cashed it out the walmart and i was like well let me buy myself a like one of them 99 cent

dvds something to do one that i can watch a few times and i got mall rats and i spent like

six months on uh unemployment at home i'd wake up and like like 11 o'clock i'd wake i won't know i

would i would wake up and listen like to the last half of howard stern live and eventually every day

i usually play uh like mall rats or one of the other excuse movies mall rats is always my favorite

it was just silly goofy you know and then after that i would watch uh leo laporte on tech tv

screensavers they would replay the night before screensaver show it's like a two-hour live techie

show and then the live one will come on right after that those are the days man living off the

government dime like mike like mike like mike hillock customer service my name is cross how

can i help you yeah how you doing there cross that's me american jen stewart yeah it is american

jen stewart what's going on big guy how you doing what the fuck going on oh i'm all right i'm good

good what how do you vote bring milkman back or no milkman ah you know what i mean yeah i know

you gotta stay you gotta stay quiet you gotta stay quiet because oh shit you're on hold a little

while you know you gotta stay quiet you can't say your secret will be out about who you really are

hey i want to make an order yeah what would you like yeah one rice a set of rice one rice yeah

Anything else?

All right, one chicken.

Is that a chicken?

Yeah, one chicken.

Your Donald Pondito corned big-ass sexual organs timer is done.

Shit.

Oh, shit.

Alexa, stop.

One chicken, sir.

Come on, please.

What else do you need?

All right, well, you're not asking how I want the chicken.

Well, because you only have one type of chicken.

It's a grilled chicken.

Oh, yeah?

I want it with heat, okay?

You make sure that it's hot.

It is hot.

Okay.

And how many bones are in the chicken?

Is it big bone chicken or a lot of bones in this chicken?

We don't bone chicken.

You don't have any bone in the chicken?

No.

Is it dark meat or light meat?

It's a light meat.

I hate onion.

It's all white meat.

It's a light meat.

What do you do with the dark meat?

We don't have dark meat.

So you just have chicken breast and chicken wing?

Chicken.

I want the thighs of the chicken, you know?

How does the chicken come?

Is it a rotisserie kind of half chicken?

No, it's just a grilled sliced up chicken.

Grilled sliced chicken.

Does it come from a bag?

It does.

Oh, this is garbage, people.

You know?

This is garbage food.

Garbage people.

Go look for someone else.

Well, do you know where good food is?

Can you tell me?

Indian people are garbage.

Go look for trash.

Dude, I'm not looking for garbage is what I'm saying.

That's your place.

What is the other place that's not garbage?

Well, screw you.

you go look for yourself oh come on just help me ask uh do you have siri you can ask where is good

mexican food well with your fucking editor i can answer that just help me help me and then help me

i don't want to have to bother you again man here's what i found on mexico's wikipedia page

are you having me talk to your echo the whole time is that what's going on hey boy hey how you

doing hey that wasn't me i wasn't doing that oh yeah right hey is that i'm super excited about

uh california hi hey california yeah hello what do you want yeah can you please just help do you

have a google or a or an amazon or a siri what do you have or an alexa oh what do you have there

you have one of them there what is your phone what does it speak doesn't matter to you because

i want you to ask it a question i answered if i want to where's good mexican food just find out

well you go find out if you were to quit your job right now where would you go apply what places

would you go i wouldn't i'll open my own business if you got fired where are you gonna get the

capital do you even have a business do you even have a business plan bro i'm not gonna get fired

i'm the fucking owner yeah but do you even have a business plan for your next venture hopefully

we stick can i come on let me see your current he doesn't even have a business plan now ah he's

fucked yeah california jack tv are you gonna go or are you not gonna go i want to try dwight's

been uh forcing like threatening me if i don't go i'm gonna sit on my face yep joke jokes on him if

you don't go he can't sit on your face yeah exactly yeah i'm gonna try my damn hardest

all right you will are you uh 100 going or you i'm 90 i was looking at plane tickets today again

90 oh yeah yeah i'm gonna have to find a good deal on that possible yeah cool hey i was actually

just calling to leave a gay voicemail i actually have to go to bed okay we'll go then all right

leave a voicemail or whatever i won't ever pick up again see ya you're blocked yeah i didn't want

to be on here all right hey well hey you got a show thanks thanksgiving pranksgiving right

you're doing the spot yeah uh 10 a.m to 12 p.m yeah all right cool all right i'm gonna talk more

about that good to know all right get out of here bye shut up chachos is not answering again

here is another prank call attempt let's see what happens oh and still we got parkman numbers shit

i gotta do them i gotta do them i gotta do has one that closes at nine call it now so good we're

calling it earlier this year we're calling the butterball turkey hotline because every year

this number gets sent to me on thanksgiving night and i always have to say the butterball turkey

hotline isn't open on thanksgiving they let those people go home they i think they work in the

morning for you don't just start making your turkey at thanksgiving night at 10 p.m when

we're on the air guys yeah they uh they're open now what's going on homer wants in cool hey homer

yay hey boy homer's here now he's gonna want to go back out there what did i do anyway welcome

to butterball to be connected to our butterball turkey talk line for information on turkey

preparation and cooking assistance press or save three if you have a product question your call

Call may be monitored or recorded to ensure quality customer service.

Thank you for calling the...

How can I help you today?

Oh, I need to talk to a woman?

You don't want to talk to a man?

Well, I mean...

I have like 23 years as an executive chef, so I can probably help you out if you'd like.

Or I can try to speak to a lady if you'd like.

Where at? Like Whistler?

With what?

Well, where were you an executive chef?

All over the Chicagoland area.

Ah, Chicago? Illinois? Eh.

Eh, you know, that's how I feel about the food culture in Illinois.

Eh.

Yeah.

So would you like to talk to a lady or I can help you out?

Uh, well, yeah, a lady.

Yeah.

Sure.

I'll go ahead and transfer you to a lady.

It's a two way street, you know?

Hey, it's all good.

I'll transfer you right, right now.

All right.

And hold on.

A live lady, not a recording.

Thank you.

Nope.

I'll get you a live one.

Okay, honey.

Thank you.

We don't have any.

All right.

We don't have any recording.

Go ahead.

Hold on.

Don't need cooking technique help from, I don't know, Don Lemon.

Okay, sir.

I'm going to transfer you right over name.

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Thanks for telling me.

Hi, this is Janice.

Can I help you?

Hey, honey.

How are you?

I'm good.

How are you?

We're trying to make the turkey go.

Okay.

How much gasoline do we need to use?

For what?

For the turkey.

Can I help you?

Is this a legitimate call?

Yeah, it is.

I'm here to...

We need to make a turkey for tomorrow.

our potluck at work is tomorrow so we wanted to fire it up you need gasoline for well to you know

we need to get heat on it heat you know are you putting it in an oven it's a fireplace actually

okay i'm gonna let you go thank you no no no no no you need to do this i know my rights

shit every year i do the gasoline one they're really kind of c-wordy they're just shy welcome

to butterball to be connected three your call may be monitored or recorded to ensure quality

customer service homer you wouldn't be in cable thank you for calling turkey poppin how can i

help you yeah hey how are you honey oh how are you oh yeah i'm trying to find out exactly how

much gasoline i need oh my goodness oh yeah we don't recommend gasoline for a turkey okay but

we want to get to we wanted to get like really really done uh we were also thinking that you're

calling us for advice but smoky do you know what smoky style is yeah you have a wonderful day now

don't go hang up i know my rights shit shit shit oh shit oh shit oh something bad just happened

okay this is not good i don't know this is possible what just happened here with my ipad

oh man my uh i'm a 10 ipad battery now so it needs to charge but at the same time the cable

The end of the cable on the lightning connector is broken off inside. Oh, that's bad

I hope I didn't do any damage. Oh shit

So we're gonna lose sound effects for the show

Unless I find something to get that out with I got a decase it and everything. Well, this is not ideal

Everyone hang on while I try to do that. I know maybe I should just ignore it, but I like to have my sound effects

I've got something here that says reclude 16 minutes 25 seconds. It's not going to be that long, but now I'm curious

What's- what's this reclude audio? I won't play at all. I'll try to be back as soon as I can while I try to fff-

Eh, I'll be right back.

I'm gonna lift you like a refrigerator, you motherfucker.

Oh, what are you talking about?

Then I'm gonna control you, then I'm gonna stuff your ass with your fucking wetback Mexican that you're fucking,

and I'm gonna slide your fucking ass up and- your head up and down the stairs and turn your face around coming down the stairs.

And then I'm going to kick the fucking shit out of your ass.

What stairs are you talking about?

No, it's going to be the stairs that I drag your fucking ass to.

Where?

Because you know what?

You just helped me out.

There's no fucking stairs, you dipshit.

And I got you.

No, what I'm saying, I'm going to drag your ass to the fucking jail stairs, okay?

Jail stairs.

I'm going to fucking drag your ass on a concrete in front of the fucking city hall, asshole.

Sorry, I don't know what they said, but that's irrelevant.

Okay, well, I'm about to tell you what they said.

It's horrible.

I never heard no person talk like that to Duke.

No, I would not like that for you.

My ex and this, all right, I blew my cover.

It doesn't matter.

What's going to happen, come on down, and we're going to get my Buick.

I'm telling you.

I'm telling you, that's exactly what's going to happen.

I mean, and nobody's going to get hurt.

I tell you, I got a Mace and I got a Kevlar.

Nobody's shooting me.

And I got a Doberman Pinch or two or something.

And you don't need to see it.

It'll be in the car.

I'm not bringing it out.

You want to hurt me?

Fine.

I'm bringing it out.

Get out of that driveway without an officer with you, and I'm going to start shooting immediately.

Do I make myself clear, and I don't give a fuck if I kill you or not?

Do you understand me?

What do you want to be angry for?

I don't want to stand, man.

You want me to be angry?

Jesus Christ, your brother threatened me, and now you're threatening me, and I'm not supposed to get angry?

Bless him, buddy.

You don't come to my house and do this kind of shit.

You want to be civilized?

Fine.

If you don't want to be civilized, and you want to come up here and threaten me, I'm going to start shooting.

Holy shit.

I survived it, and now I'm goddammit, I can survive this.

So if you want to have it out, you just come up here and threaten me.

That's all it's going to take.

You take my $4.

When you buy the beer?

I bought it because I won't get drunk.

Trying to lay some fucking bar.

Trying to bang over in the hotel.

You have a wrong store.

No, I buy the thing, and you don't give me my change.

That's what you're doing in America.

Rebecca, you give change, they give you money, you gotta give.

You punch into their cash register and then the number pop up, right?

All day I don't sell funny pipes.

Yeah, I fixed it.

Okay, well that's the problem.

Whoa.

That's the problem here.

Sorry about that again, folks.

Another Carlito stepping away.

I apologize.

Maybe we just won't do a break tonight.

You know, it's already 8.55 p.m.

Sorry about the loud.

But hey, the sound effects are working now.

Yeah, I was able I had to take off the whole autobox case manifold machine and get a pair of tweezers and pull it

I've never seen that happen

If you see K you guys so let's get to them Parkman numbers

I just did butter bull this here is a pioneer speaker system for sale

$175 let's get it so we can yell at my wife again. I apologize for the wait, but that was fun

I got to hear that record stuff. There's still another few minutes of that

Thank you for calling me.

Please leave a message.

Hope you have a blessed day.

Bye.

Shoving up your ass with that message, you sum of a bitch.

Fox and copy machine for sale for $25.

Oh, man, I bet you it's a fucking Canon piece of shit.

Please leave your message for TV.

Please leave

your message for all right they ain't going down shit we don't even have the

best part of the show with that one where the phone rings it's just fucking that 405-396-6884

is the mouth line and here's a caller hello caller how are you please respect me well hey

Hey, Carlito.

Hi.

How are you?

Is that really you, man?

Yes, it is.

Thanks for calling.

Is that you?

Is this real?

It's me.

Oh, hey.

It's really me.

Yay.

I feel like I'm talking to a celebrity, dude.

I'm not.

I'm just a regular guy.

Hey, give me a hug, though, all right?

Hey, give me a nice hug.

Big air hug.

Oh.

Internet hug.

Thanks, thanks.

I got to buy a TV.

Hang on.

No, I dialed it wrong.

I'll try again.

Hang on.

Yeah, you have a television console.

Have a what?

You have a television for sale?

Yes, I do.

Oh, what kind of TV is it?

How big?

Are you real?

I'll spectate.

Yes, I was curious what the size of the TV is.

Okay, I thought my cousin was pulling one on me.

No, no.

And then let me shut this television.

Labia.

Okay, I got my television shut off.

I couldn't hear you.

I'm sorry.

Oh, that's all right.

Stupid.

So, you saw it in the Brooklyn Eagle?

Yeah, I saw TV console for sale.

Ooh.

Yeah, it's 25-inch color.

Color.

And you know what a console is?

Is it a flat?

No, no.

Okay.

It might need a converter.

Some people can buy something, a converter or something at Walmart or Antenna.

To put the pornography on top of the TV to bring them in?

To put the pictures of women and men kissing each other on it?

No.

Pornography, you mean?

No, not hardly. Come on.

Oh, I thought that's what you mean, because that Walmart, they have a machine that you put the movies on?

No, I'm telling you what's probably needed.

I've got an antenna on mine.

Mine's a regular television.

television and uh my knees got me something from walmart it's an antenna yeah a digital antenna

converter box they call it digital converter box they're about they're about 25 dollars yep it goes

in your rectum and you you align it right that's all i know about it okay all right so i have to

by that part but this is just what what tv brand well some people some people's antenna is uh tv

strong enough to bring bring them in but i don't know uh okay that one a few years ago it was

bringing in all turns stations and a good picture okay does it does does it get the religious

station the church station i don't know the uh i don't know it really wasn't mine but anyways i'm

I'm trying to sell it for so many.

Yeah, do you ever watch the 700 Club?

We're big fans of the 700 Club.

No.

You don't watch any religious...

Okay, are you interested in this TV?

Yeah, we like to watch church television and masturbate while we watch it on the TV.

When can we come?

Well, I'm out of town.

I'll call you when I get back in town.

No, you're in town because they hear you're in your house.

We want to masturbate to Benny.

Yeah, all right.

oh my god what was the matter with her voice yeah she's on that oxygen or something right

you know how those women old white ladies get at a certain age they're like

you know i thought she was a little kid yeah i was wondering that too sir i know i've i've

talked to some crazy motherfuckers on this show i'll tell you what boy you tell me if you need

me to hang up i'll go in no you stay you stay here we're gonna interrogate you in a minute

hi how you doing you got a wedding dress for sale yeah okay was that worn in a wedding or

was it just bought no no it was bought no it's brand new the veil and other things the panties

like a flip like canned ham they used to call canned ham like to hold it out the bottom to

hold them oh for the private parts you mean like we're around the waist no the bottom of the dress

the ass okay oh yeah that part where the the train right no there's a train too and it's real long

real pretty yeah i i used to run trains on this woman like i would measure them you know yeah and

i would i like to split cheeks also all right i'd like to come see this dress you know um so it

wasn't worn there's no stains on it or anything like that any any smell okay all right was this

is yours obviously not because it was a size eight and you don't sound like a size eight you

sound like you're a whatever you're an 18 oh how big a girl are you oh wow wow you could lose some

huh nice so you gained so you gained a lot of weight from a size 8 to a 14 wow no wonder you

couldn't wear it for your wedding not mine oh okay all right so um how many you don't have to

to wait till somebody they're gone right now they'll be back you'll have to wait oh this

that's the excuse i keep getting tonight you know that they're out of town you motherfucker

you know that's just you know fuck you first lady because i said it first turn it around and stick

it up your ass no you do why don't you eat it and then eat a can of frosting yeah yeah you had one

you ain't got no fucking ball i got a can of frosted right here for you no you ain't got no

What kind you like?

You like Duncan Hines?

Or are you okay with the Walmart generic?

The great value.

All right.

Yeah.

Oh, that escalated finally.

I think she passed out.

She's like, oh, a can of frost.

Go eat a can of frost.

I want to get for harassment.

You better fucking leave me alone.

Go eat a can of frosting and chew an aspirin and calm down.

Whoa.

Oh, oh, oh.

What do you think there, buddy?

Harassment.

She's an angry one.

She's going to me too me.

she can i'm sorry me too yeah yeah i'm sorry i'm sorry please don't tell okay

hello yeah she was still connected i thought i heard her bitching in the background too that

was plenty nice all right well that was fun so you got uh any uh did you have a vote

are you uh should milkman return to the show or be fired permanently do you have a vote can we ask

That's what happened.

I don't know if everybody knows what happened or is it none of our business.

It's been the last couple of shows.

He just got grumpy and started yelling at me for no reason.

And I said, well, and he said that I need to stop talking over him during the show.

And I said, hey, if you're going to yell at me five minutes before the show starts, I'm just going to hang up.

And he said, I'll do it myself.

And he hung up.

So that was it.

I didn't call him back since then.

I did wish him a happy birthday on Halloween.

That's his birthday.

day i said happy birthday and he's and he said thank you like that he said thank you so so there

you are he's waiting for you well i'm waiting for him damn it so it sounds like you're voting for

him sounds like you're a little no no oh whatever so he's been a part of the show for a long time

but if i'm going to be blunt and honest he's always like a step behind on what's going on in

the show he really he'll just start talking in the middle of a call or he's just and i don't

know if it's because he's working or what the deal is but he always seems to like be kind of

interrupting things yeah yeah his little c now you know also he is a little c now all right

all right well that's why we all right that's good yeah i would say bring him back maybe but

with conditions with conditions all right all right so that's uh that's a good that's the one

on the floor all right good well thanks for your vote there mr guy who said your name is me

thank you for calling and you have a good week my name is flattier mick and breaking news i'll see

you later buddy all right breaking news yeah i'll see you on pranksgiving that's a week from tonight

everyone that's 24 hours of live prank call shows like we do most years here when the shit ain't

hitting the fan as a matter of fact i should take let me take a look at that schedule for y'all

so yes pranksgiving is going to be occurring here rain or shine we're going to start uh eastern

these are eastern standard time of course of course of course eastern standard time uh 10

p.m eastern i'll start and i believe i you know what i don't have the link i can't find the link

we're here it is the pranksgiving planning party conference room that we have going on and let me

Let me scroll here to find the link.

I think I could just go to my Dropbox.

Here we go.

Okay.

So the first show is me, as I said, all times Eastern, 10 p.m. until 3 a.m.

I'll be doing 10 p.m. to 3 a.m.

Shit, that's a long shift.

One, two, three, four, five hours.

I might try to pawn off an hour to the next guy, who's Green Bee, who's currently scheduled

to be on from 3 a.m. until 5 a.m.

That's Big Green Bee.

green bee yeah after that super foam brothers dom the bomb and the super foam brothers and uh

you know all those guys dom the bomb and uh strange life is that the co-host i believe oh

i'm sorry uh 5 a.m to 7 a.m eastern time they're doing the super late shift their time they're

doing the straight up green being them doing the graveyard shift thanks guys for doing that um

And I believe Lux will be jumping in there with them.

After that, Brad, Brad Carter, RBCP himself, will be doing a show this year from 7 a.m. until 10 a.m. Eastern Standard Time.

This is all Friday now.

We're moving into, again, this starts Thanksgiving night, Thursday.

And then Friday, after Brad, we got Jag, Big Jag TV, who called in earlier.

He's on from 10 a.m. to 12 noon Eastern.

then we got a special four hour edition of party time from noon until four eastern time

then dwight mcclanahan with his show from 4 p.m to 7 p.m and then after that jayad wraps things up

from 7 p.m all the way through 10 p.m and that makes it 24 hours of live prank call shows we

have fun with this every time we do it every year that we do it you know what else you're gonna do

you're right it's thanksgiving more than likely hopefully statistically you have the next day off

as well and you had that day off you've eaten a big meal you've been with family or had family or

you're staying with family maybe you're going to be on the road at this point and i start off at

10 p.m you know it's like hey when most people are gearing up to go out to the do the thanksgiving

shopping and we're doing prank calls and having fun with it and we go live all the way through

all you know all of black friday until the night of black friday it's kind of cool because businesses

are open extended hours and they're usually busier it's not like it used to be when we started doing

this before the retail oculus took over but the malls still get busy from what i understand

and the stores we got hey guys this year we got to make sure that we do a good job doing our intel

on what stores are open which ones aren't because there's a lot of sources online that let you know

know that what are the hours because you know like last year uh you know some stores didn't

open at midnight some were open the whole time some of them didn't do the minute thing at all

they were opted to open at 5 a.m um best buy didn't even accept phone calls i think target

was another like that on black friday uh for a while for a certain period of time they're like

we're open but we're too busy to take phone calls please call back or just come in or go to our

our website that's what it was i think best buy was one of those on thanksgiving night uh because

it's scary it gets scary it gets very scary uh another thing is uh we could call um the uh the

overeaters anonymous and stuff like that the the teleconferencing i don't know if a lot of a lot

of other prank callers out there took that idea and ran with it and i don't know how easy it is to

have fun on a prank call show calling those you know and you know support hotlines but i know they

make a big deal like the overeaters are like you know we're here every every holiday we're we got

a big party line all 24 7 so to get you through that's got to be hard if you're dealing with the

overeating and it's thanksgiving and it's like food porn everywhere everywhere all right let's

get to them pranks let's get back to parkman and his fucking numbers women's jeans size 10

petite for sale 25 and there's a dollar symbol at the beginning before the 25 so dollar 25

here we go and you can call in 405-396-6884 a lot of people have been calling and i've been

missing him i'm a sorry cat but that's 405-396-6884

wake up motherfucker you wake your shit up motherfucker

hey what's up motherfucker

calling you felt like calling like as a crazy ex-girlfriend or some shit like where i was

calling constantly yeah were you calling oh yeah you know yeah i i dated a girl like that once

and shit yeah overly obsessed girlfriend yeah yeah crazy yeah yeah shit happens dude

so i have a question yeah go ahead sir all right thank you ma'am uh is milkman gonna be making it

his meetup uh well yeah in theory i mean i'm supposed by then i would mend fences i'm i'm

presuming you're voting are you concerned about that do you not want him to be there are you

voting for milkman or not milkman no i like milkman i'm i'm for milkman oh all right damn it

i was hoping you guys would make it easy on me to fire now um i just i gotta talk to him but

all right so you're on team milkman you're good with him all right good good yeah i just there's

no way are you on team milkman hold on i'm neutral i'm not allowed to make you know a decision in

this and i am allowed to i just now i'm just wondering how the people felt about it that's all

i should he talks a lot but you know yeah yeah yeah i just think yeah yeah no there's no way i

wouldn't meet up with him if i wasn't i mean i'm going to be right there san francisco to san jose

yeah that's right there yeah there it's right there maybe i'll fly into san francisco instead

city of san jose i don't know uber uh wouldn't that be expensive uber from those two milkman

does uber right oh yeah yeah he yeah he would probably drive me around because parkman hung

out with him for like a day or something and milkman drove him everywhere yeah i throw him

some business you know it'd be great he'd probably have fun that's he loves driving he just drives

Drives and drives.

Because he doesn't have a house.

Yep.

Yeah, he vapes.

He doesn't have a house.

Yeah, he doesn't.

He does have a house.

He has an apartment.

All right.

Sorry, I have to do a prank call.

This is a Makita disc sander.

What the hell?

What's a disc sander?

Disc sander.

Oh, like a sander.

Part of the show.

It's the best part.

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

That's not.

no that's the worst part uh anaheim area code okay west coast university okay let's see i'm

gonna call university i suppose how far away is petaluma west coast university this is carly how

may i help you hey carlos how are you it's carly i'm good how are you okay big lows uh how far

away are you from petaluma from where petaluma um i'm not sure we're in anaheim okay okay uh

Uh, ooh, yeah, I don't know.

You know, I got my GED in prison, and I'm no longer, like, a gang member.

I used to be a shot caller on the block, but I never busted cheeks or nothing like that.

I'm looking to see if I can apply to get into the college, though.

I'm going to put you on a brief hold.

All right, hey, what's the laughing?

There's no laughing.

No, there was some laughing back there.

Can you tell them not to do that, even if it doesn't have to do with me?

I don't like that.

Okay, let me place you on a brief wall.

Okay, I don't like other people having a good time, and I'm miserable.

All right, thank you.

I have only child syndrome.

Okay.

All right, whatever.

Thank you for calling West Coast University.

You're called.

Also, by the way, I had a limb in about two hours.

Someone will be with you shortly.

Oh, that's too far.

At West Coast University, helping meet the demand for nurses and dental hygienists in California.

Great, thanks.

That's too far to go to.

Rose Cafe, how can I help you?

Hey, is this the Hookah Lounge?

It is.

How can I help you, sir?

Good, yeah.

I wanted to use a hookah there, and I understand you provide the little briquettes and whatever flavors I want and all that.

Oh, so you want to bring your own hookah?

No, I want to use yours.

Okay.

Do you have falafel there that I can eat?

Yes, we do.

Okay.

All right.

Can I do that in the bathroom?

No, I'm sorry.

You can't.

Do you have a bathroom there?

We sure do, sir.

What kind of bathroom is it?

Is it the kind you sit down or you stand?

Hello?

What kind of bathroom?

Whatever.

Hello?

Hello, catastrophe.

Hello, come in.

Hello?

Okay, good.

To the program, there are no wait lists or lotteries for our nursing courses.

The university still has us on hold.

God damn it.

This is a tuxedo shop.

Oh, okay.

The suggestion is that my grandpa just passed away.

Do they have a tux?

Hang on.

Before I do that, I want to call some of Nunu's numbers.

numbers which are in the united kingdom and these are people who are named the same name as

potential successors to the current prime minister theresa may i thought theresa may was against

brexit and then i understand she has a brexit plan i don't understand now the university hung up

fucking what happened they took me off hold and i didn't talk these are new new numbers which

which means they probably won't answer.

Nunu's so needy.

What if they're on an owl?

Nunu's very needy.

Call me up.

You're cool.

Call me.

Stupid owl.

You know, he won't come to the meetup.

He won't come to the meetup.

Nunu's never wanted to call into a show or nothing.

Doesn't share a picture or nothing.

I've never heard him talk.

No, I don't know.

He probably sounds like, I don't know.

I don't know.

You know, he probably, I don't know.

I heard that, like, if you want to know what Nunu looks like,

if you look in the mirror and you act like you're trying to bite your ear off

with the corner of your mouth that's what it looks like all the time he's just

a shy guy that's all he's probably a celibate you know and voluntary so no I

No, I think Nunu gets the ladies, I think.

He gives me advice all the time on how to talk to women, like dating advice.

That's hot.

Nunu's a cocksucker.

Just kidding.

I don't even know how old Nunu is.

I don't know if he's ever had a job.

He's elusive.

He is.

His numbers aren't answering.

That's what's elusive here.

That's what's elusive.

God damn it, Nunu.

Yeah.

All right, Katash, we're going to let you go because a lot of people are calling in

the line.

I want to thank you for your time.

All right, talk to us.

It was nice having you on.

I don't think you've been on yet.

good to talk to you and uh thanks for the movie nights that's always a lot of fun whenever i can

stay up to yeah all right all right get out of here you're out of here all right that's big

catastrophe big bull dike no it's not true that's not true uh noon is a bull dike mr dale mogg so

someone explained to me is true i thought theresa may was on the side that wasn't for brexit and

And then all of a sudden I'm here and she's got a Brexit plan.

Is she reluctantly putting one together because of the vote?

Is that what it is?

And is it true that most people are pretty much saying that Brexit is a stupid idea anyway?

No, that's what I hear.

There's a lot of buyer's remorse over Brexit.

Trying to get one of these UK cats to pick up.

It's been a while since I've messed with UK people.

They did used to be a lot of fun, these UK calls.

And at one point they just didn't, I don't know.

The last super fun UK guy that I called regularly was this one old guy

who I called a few times and told him stuff like

he had taken his clothes off in front of his nurses.

He was a pensioner. He was an old-age pensioner.

He was like, of course I did. They had the water.

You've replied volume of cold calls.

We only answer numbers known to us.

If you wish to contact us, please leave a message

and we will get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you.

they screen out their calls basically is what they're saying well bollocks to them bunch of

bellens anyway that guy was funny he was like of course of course they they of course they saw me

naked they have to wash me poor guy hello thanks for calling it's good to have you hey carl hey

carlito labia hey hey how you doing labia good how are you good yeah labia's here labia's here

lady lady yeah i'm trying to get the goddamn uk person to pick up the phone you know how those

people are yeah those people down in the uk mermaid at the sea fountain yep matter of fact

i just edited uh the finished editing the show where you called in and i kept saying your name

wrong on purpose it was oh really it was i just kept saying it goofy yeah you had the pokemon

cards you were helping me out with the pokemon cards yeah yeah right yeah that show was finally

mainly edited and it's going to be uploaded after the after tonight tonight it will be uploaded

when everyone wakes up tomorrow morning you will be able to download that show and then i'll only

be behind two of them yay yeah including this one yeah yeah so what's going on there uh nothing much

uh just finished my homework and everything i'm ready for thanksgiving break oh cool cool that's

cool yeah do you uh you just have thursday and friday off i know i actually have all of next

week off because uh cool yeah yeah i'm a college student oh okay oh that's cool so you're done oh

yeah yeah yeah i mean every college is different but you know i'm lucky to have a week off a whole

week yeah that makes sense well yeah i just remember with college and me like every professor

usually was like well you know i'm not going to want to come in that week just to let you guys

no uh don't plan don't worry about it and there was always one asshole teacher who was like no

we're definitely coming in usually the math teacher's like yeah we're definitely coming in

and we're gonna have a midterm like you fucking dickhead thanks thanks for that i

had a calculus midterm like two days before Thanksgiving.

I was very pissed off about that because I had to stay home an extra two days.

I could have gone right home, but I had to wait because of his ass.

And then you know how the plane ticket was.

The plane, it wasn't the ticket was that big of a deal.

It was the security lines and everything were 20 times worse.

That two days made a big difference.

I was very upset.

So that's good.

Good on your college and university.

You go to a state college or a private institution?

State college.

State college, good.

Good, that's the way to go.

Yeah.

That's the way to go, man.

Where did you study?

I started out studying computer science, and then I left,

and then I started studying business management,

and then I turned that into a computer engineering degree

degree with a minor in management information information okay that's cool yeah because i

didn't want to do mis that's fucking horse shit so i actually took the engineering courses it was

a lot of fun all that building circuits and stuff like that i didn't get super into it yeah it was

cool it was cool i got to meet a lot of neat engineering cats that was kind of fun yeah what

about you what's your are you do you have a track selected yet uh yeah i am i have a community

health major and then i'm going to go on to grad school for psychology psychology okay all right

well good luck with that yeah yeah that's crazy yeah no no offense uh nunu i'm sorry i tried all

your numbers none of them picked up as you could see my apologies i'm gonna try one more number

here which is a tux tuxedo place called some fan shows hasn't it uh you know

thank you for calling fire sex shop in anaheim this is marissa how may i help you hi you guys

rent or sell tuxedos i'm confused uh we do both actually okay all right um do they have smell

do they have smell um i don't think so do they have a smell to them at all um to be completely

honest i do not have a sense of smell personally so i'm not sure but they shouldn't oh why don't

you what's wrong what happened did you take a zinc did you no i i just have really um narrow

nasal cavities oh yeah you know what they say about girls with narrow nasal cavities right

what they got narrow uh cervixes all right yeah so is that true do the curtains match the drapes

i don't know no you don't know i mean come on have you i'm sure has a guy or girl told you hey

How many fingers?

How many fingers can you do?

Do you have any other questions, sir?

How many fingers can you do?

Do you have any other questions, sir?

No, that's the main question right now.

How many hot dogs?

Do you have any other questions related to tuxedos, sir?

No, I'm just wondering about your circumference of your Vangelo opening.

I'm going to let you go, sir.

Okay, all right.

All right, but I'm very curious.

All right, cool.

So I've been starting the rumor that if you look at a woman's lips on her face,

you'll get a general idea of how large her vagina is and what it looks like.

Because they say that about men and their thumbs.

That's a good point.

Yeah.

That was hilarious.

Thanks, thanks.

Thanks for the laugh.

I appreciate it.

That was fun.

Yeah, no problem.

Yeah.

She seemed all right with it, you know?

I don't think she's going to feel all offended and call off work for a week like you next week.

Oh, I'm a college student.

i'm gonna take a week off all right well hey listen i'm gonna let you go you should um you

should buy a couple canned goods and donate them somewhere okay in a night at a drive all right go

ahead you do that and let me know how it goes for you okay and get some good stuff don't get cream

cream corn and stuff like that get something good all right get some nice pork and beans

you know and a nice soup a nice uh campbell soup all right okay all right all right see you later

there name brand stuff too there but okay all right cool bush's beans i recommend does bush's

beans make uh baked beans man i haven't had some baked beans in a while do they make baked beans

at kfc does kfc have baked beans you know i don't know why do i not know i guess i could just look

it up but instead of that how about we just call a kfc and ask kfc baked beans best baked beans i

i ever ate was at a potluck at a call center i used to work at and it was made by this 60 year

old 60 60 60 year old uh african-american woman very sassy from sanford florida home of trayvon

martin and i asked her i was like look i'm gonna be honest with you forget her name but i was gonna

be honest with you those are the best damn baked beans i've had in my life and i can and i've eaten

some baked beans um is there like a recipe or a secret there's there was a taste of something in

there i can't can't figure out and she told me yeah well she goes well honey that's my recipe

for nigger beans i'm like what i don't know what i started laughing so yeah it does them's old

nigga beans and i was like okay i'm obviously not gonna call it that and she goes and honey

Johnny, what you need to put in there is grape jelly.

Not grape jam, grape jelly.

I'm like, okay, grape jelly.

I've never tried to do that.

And I have remembered that story for a while.

But shit, those were the best fucking baked beans ever.

And now that I think about it, I'm going to make some baked beans one day.

And I'm going to use grape jelly.

Now, I'm not going to call them old N-word beans.

I'll call them something else.

Okay, let's see.

How can I help you?

Hey, does you people have baked beans there?

What happened?

Does you people have baked beans?

Do you sell baked beans as a side?

No.

No?

Why did I...

Did you used to have baked beans as a side?

Yeah.

Oh, when did they take them away?

They took them away a long time ago.

Oh.

Already.

Like five years ago more, maybe?

I mean...

I'm not sure, to be honest.

Oh, shoot.

What's the best ones there?

Which ones are what?

What's the best sides there?

Like, what's the most popular?

because your great your gravy tastes like uh like uh bugs like insects ground like uh it's gross

so i don't like the mashed potatoes okay and then your potato wedges aren't as good as walmart so

if i'm gonna have the carbs for potato wedges i'll just go to walmart again so what else do

you got there do you have corn not the corn on the cob because that fucks up my teeth do you have

have like kernel kernel corn yeah um what was your question i'm sorry i didn't hear that what's

the best sides you got but i'm telling you the ones i know already i don't like i don't like

the mashed potatoes and gravy because the gravy tastes like bugs and i don't like forget the

other one i don't know whatever it's true dude the gravy that they put on that mashed potatoes

it to me it tastes like like ground up bugs ground up uh nasty fucking you know it just

I grew up in Florida, and there are these things called love bugs down there that once or twice a year, they spawn.

They all hatch at once.

And everywhere you drive, there are these little bugs.

It's weird.

They mate for life.

So the two bugs get together ass to ass, like in that one movie, Requiem for a Dream.

And they get permanently attached, and they fly around all stupid because they're both trying to go the wrong way.

and they're attracted to carbon monoxide so they hang out on the roads and they're attracted to

the exhausts and they just cover your car especially when you go over bridges over like

the swamps and the rivers and lakes in florida central florida at least i don't know if they

haven't down south south florida but they suck but the smell of them like i just remember from

washing them off my car you have to wash them immediately also because they destroy your paint

their their guts are kind of acidy so they'll fuck up your paint something permanent and they're

hard as fuck to get off so you end up having to wash your car a lot or you got bug splattered

crap all over your car anyway the smell is exactly this the smell and taste of that kentucky fried

sorry kfc gravy is a lot like that fucking smell from that fucking those them love bugs all right

right so i say all that to say that thank you and i knew they had fucking baked beans at kfc had no

idea they got rid of them damn shame you know if kfc was smart they would start start selling corn

bread and collard greens asides and i'm not trying to be racist i think they should just embrace that

culture there's southern culture african americans don't have exclusive rights over corn bread and

collard greens and i'm you know kfc does have a more now not as much as some other chains popeyes

is more like Louisiana Kitchen, right?

Isn't that what they call themselves, the Louisiana Kitchen?

So they try to go Creole, but

they souther it out every once in a while.

Man, I miss Church's Chicken. Man, I miss

Florida. I miss good food.

Can't find a damn Church's Chicken anywhere up here.

Hello, thank you for calling the Vegetarian House.

Note, our weekend opening hours have changed.

For our new hours and location,

please press 2.

If you'd like to place your to-go order online,

please press 3.

For our delivery service,

press 4. For catering,

What was it, three?

To place your to-go order online, please use the red grabhub link on our website.

Grabhub?

At karenhouse.com.

Or call them at 877-585-1085.

The number again is 877-585-1085.

Oh, is this all this is?

She's going to give me instructions to shit here.

All right, someone's calling in.

Hello, caller.

Thanks for calling.

You're clear.

So you finally pick up, you son of a bitch.

Hey, motherfucker.

No, it's just Brendan.

Oh, hey.

It's Brendan.

hey buddy hey i did send you a couple i did send you a couple numbers to the facebook restaurant

yes let me see yeah i know and uh some creepy albanian guy well i've known for a while oh i

don't know if he'd answer i don't know if he'd answer but he'd be kind of funny me

fucking albanians right they're crazy man they're fucking nuts hello

hey how are you habibi good how are you good i want to make an order this is stupid yeah can

Can I have your phone number, please?

Yeah, it's 201-2018.

2018?

Yeah.

Computer.

Computer?

Yeah.

I didn't get you.

I'm sorry.

Computer.

Can I have your phone number?

Yeah.

Contact number?

201-2018.

Yeah.

Can I get the area code, too?

630.

Okay.

Computer.

One second.

Computer, touch the computer.

It sounds like you're putting it in an old 80s calculator.

Yeah, can I have your number?

Stupid.

Can I have your name?

Yeah, Cross.

Uh-huh.

Cross.

Can you spell it for me?

C-K-R-E.

C-K-R.

Uh-huh.

R-E-O-U-S-S-Z.

Can you spell it again?

I can't hear you properly.

Okay, C-K-R-O-S-Z.

O-U-S-E-Z-X-W.

What is your name exactly?

Cross.

Is that C-K-R-O-O-U-S-E-Z-K-U-Z-K-Z-X-V?

Yes.

Is that it?

Yes, that's it.

Your number is 630-201-21-2018, right?

Yes.

Okay, can I have your order?

One butter chicken.

Okay.

Do you want it plain rice or garlic naan, butter naan, or...

Ass water?

Sorry, I can't hear you properly.

Ass water?

Ass water.

Yep.

I didn't get you. I'm sorry. I'm not understanding what you're saying.

Okay, just so rice. I could do rice or garlic naan, you're saying.

Yeah, rice. Rice is complimentary one.

Fart.

Naan is like $1 more.

Fart. Okay, yeah, one garlic naan.

Okay. Is that mild, medium, spicy?

Medium.

Okay, anything else?

Yep. One chicken tikka marsala.

Okay.

Spicy.

Do you want it plain, non-garlic, non-butter, or rice?

Rice.

Okay. Spicy. Anything else?

Yes. One bhenchod.

Bhenchod.

Excuse me?

One bhenchod. I have it written down here. My friend Sanjay, he said to order this for him.

What is that exactly?

He wrote down bhenchod. I don't know. He just said, hey, call the place. I go there a lot.

He said he was going to pick it up.

he left he was going to stop to get gasoline and dessert at the gas station and he said to get him

a bench hod he said excuse me uh yeah one second can you hold for a minute okay pass the phone

okay thank you man the angry man yeah i was calling to make an order what happened

is it can i have your phone number please fuck uh six three zero two zero one okay two zero one

Yeah, what did I order, sir?

Okay, I already started the order in the phone disconnect.

Sorry about that.

What happened?

The girl was new.

She's stupid.

She made a bit of a confusion.

I'm sorry about that.

Yeah.

She's stupid.

Yeah, one butter chicken with garlic naan.

Okay.

Medium.

Okay.

All right, one chicken tikka marsala.

Okay.

With rice.

Okay.

Spicy.

Okay.

One ban ke lod.

Is that it?

Ban ke lod.

We don't have anything in such a term.

Okay.

One bhenchod?

We don't have that.

All right.

One teramadi lan?

What is that?

One teramadi lan?

Bhenchod?

Marachod?

You motherfucker.

No, you fucking motherfucker.

You motherfucker.

Don't fucking stick.

Hey, I'm Pakistani.

I'm Pakistani.

Fuck off, you motherfucker.

I'm Pakistani, motherfucker.

We're Pashtun.

We have light skin.

You motherfucker.

they're very like caucasian looking shit just gotta say it all quiet you know you

mother the fuck are yeah that's a really busy restaurant too i've been in that place before

doing uh food deliveries nice we have a very there's a very large indian population in that

area oh that's nasty and they're the summer okay i'm kidding i'm kidding i'm kidding i know i know

but that smell you know the smell you know how they have a smell you know some of it i it like

Like, with my work, I'm in people's houses a lot, so it's okay if it's, like, food's

being cooked, but if it's, like, been lingering for a while, that's...

Yeah, if they, like, been farting it up and all that, you know?

It smells like, it smells like straight-up B.O.

Yeah.

So, can I help you?

I'd like to make an order, please.

Yeah, I'm busting cheeks tonight, you know?

Yeah?

Busting cheeks tonight.

Sorry?

Yeah, one butter chicken.

Butter chicken, okay.

Okay.

Okay, one chicken tikka marsala, spicy.

Do you have garlic naan?

Garlic naan, yes, we do.

Okay, one order of that.

One papadums?

We don't have papadums.

Oh, shit.

Okay, one bhenchod?

Sorry?

Bhenchod?

Didn't get you.

Bhenchod.

Sorry, what?

Bhenchod?

I have it written down here to order bhenchod and materchod.

We don't have anything like that.

Okay, do you have sister in the back?

Lovely sister?

No?

No? Lovely brother who puts, who put on a dress for me instead?

Maybe you, okay, so you put on a dress. I'll bring a dress.

I have a wedding dress. I want you to put it on to see you.

I want to see your body in the dress.

Come front of me and show me your body in a woman's dress.

Yeah, I do.

Are you, are you okay? Is that a problem?

Yes.

Is that a problem or you're okay? Explain.

Please tell me your order. One button.

Well, and, I mean, there's one more thing I want.

To see you in a woman's clothing and kiss you and touch.

All right.

I think he wasn't playing.

Nah, he might get mad enough here in a minute.

Let's try.

It doesn't hurt to try.

It doesn't hurt.

I'm starting to get hungry.

I didn't have dinner.

I need to have dinner.

Low power, low power.

I hope everyone's enjoying the show.

I hope you are.

Did you have a vote on the Milkman crisis?

It's that old motherfucker.

I really need you guys to back me up.

and give me a reason

not to bring him back.

And you guys really

fucked me over tonight.

Thanks.

Everyone.

Not one person said,

but any other time.

Fuck Milkman.

Fucking Milkman.

Every other time.

All right,

this guy isn't answering.

All right,

is the last one the Armenian

or the Albanian, rather?

Yeah.

You ever see that movie

Wag the Dog?

Um,

yes, I have.

It's been a while.

Was it Albania

that they started

a fake war with, I think?

It's a country.

It's Albania.

That was a good movie.

i really enjoy that movie subscriber you have dialed is not in service if you feel you've

received this message in error yes your albatian friend has uh blacklisted us sir i think you did

a number that doesn't surprise me that doesn't surprise me but we'll get them we'll get them

i'll get my best i'll get my best people on it and we're on it don't worry about it okay buddy

get the arm get the arm and the neck and the leg we have another one now okay yeah all right you

You got it, man.

All right, big guy.

Thanks.

You're out of here.

You're done.

Thank you.

Bye.

Yep.

All right, Brandon.

Big baby Brandon.

Yeah.

Thank you for the numbers.

We had fun with that first one.

All right.

So what do we do here, guys?

This show usually ends about now, but I did start an hour late, but I also didn't do a

break.

So a little bit more and we're done.

All right.

Sorry for the shorter show, but hey, it'll be easier to edit, right?

Everyone be sure to help out over at Patreon, patreon.com slash madhouse.

sorry for the delay in editing shows but they're getting there i promise we're very very close

remember i was in the hospital for 10 days but i swear to god i finished editing that show today

and it will be uploaded promptly and then we got last week's show which was short and not that good

so it'll be a fast edit and tonight's show's been all right uh but also shorter let's see how many

more parkman numbers i can knock out and we'll call it a night u.s air conditioning distributors

See if they're open indeed.

And I got to get to the Super Chats.

If they're running.

Just one Super Chat from Catastrophe.

He also called in earlier today.

Who said, little chicken you.

Oh, thank you.

Little chicken there.

You know, we haven't heard much Peck Peck the Chicken in a while.

I got kind of tired of that one, eh?

Really hope I get to go to San Jose.

To Silicon Valley meet up.

And I hope Brad can make it.

The reason I wanted to go to Petaluma.

It's two hours away.

But I'm going to be so close.

because i'm a big fan of like i said before leo laporte you know and he he does the twit shows

the twit network based out of petaluma and they do us you know they do show live shows on saturday

and then the big show this week and take us on sunday and i actually wanted to apologize to him

in person for the time that i prank called an indian restaurant in petaluma and said i was leo

laporte and i needed to have a delivery order for miss sarah lane and it was a bunch of fans it

It was a bunch of fucking Indian food.

And it got delivered.

And, of course, they have a studio camera where you can see behind the scenes what's going on.

You hear Sarah say, someone ordered fancy food in my name?

No, not me.

And then Leo's like, yeah, someone, you know, we used to do that when we were kids.

We'd call the radio station and order pizzas and have a laugh.

Matter of fact, cut the video feed.

And they cut it off.

Yeah, so I want to apologize to the man in person.

and he's he can be a bit of a dick so he might get upset but it'll be streamed live and then i

want you guys to swat him no don't do that please pla sports soccer shop i was kidding damn it and

i'm sorry i missed vitrin's day a lot of people wanted hello i wanted to see about getting with

you guys this is the plaw sports soccer shop yeah okay uh my therapist said i need to exercise more

and stop masturbating all day around the house, will soccer help with this?

I'm guessing, yeah.

Okay, all right.

Now, my concern is that the game of soccer, or association football as it's called,

you can't necessarily use your hands most of the time unless you're throwing the ball in, inbounds.

For soccer?

Well, yes.

Well, are you trying to look for a team, or?

Well, I need to buy the equipment.

I need to buy my equipment first, and then I'm going to join a team.

Hello?

okay well yeah you can um come here and okay but i can't touch that i can't touch the ball

when i play i can't use my hands as much right no no so that's kind of my problem my issue that

i have with the masturbating a lot of it is like a textile hand thing and i used to smoke cigarettes

i quit that and i went to the masturbation to get my mind off of it uh well i'm sorry i can't help

you with that honestly okay so do you think maybe i should just stick to like chewing carrot sticks

maybe like baby carrot sticks yeah i don't have time for this so okay masturbation you know all

right cool thanks then i was wondering today driving home you know they got these self-driving

cars the vest the the vespas you know what i mean the elon musk cars uh the teslas vespa teslas

how would they how do they handle driving in snow like because today it was quite perilous i had to

put it in d3 and then i had to put it in d2 and then i had to put it in d1 at one point you got

to break really early and you got to break when you're going up the hill but don't break hard

or you're gonna land into someone and hit them from behind i don't know why i moved up to

pennsylvania i don't know why i left florida i don't know why this thought it'd be a good idea

to go where the snow is and then the first winter that i'm here i slip and i break my ankle

seriously injure my ankle i don't know why i stay here i'm gonna get divorced from my wife and i'm

moving to florida and i don't think i'm gonna move back to orlando or central florida i think

i'm gonna do tampa this time i like what tampa has going on yeah i'm gonna buy a gmc truck

gmc car is that what these this song used to be used for commercials i'll just hello thank you

for calling about senior living options my name is ylene how can i help you hi coco i was looking

looking uh for a young girl to help take care of us okay

and for quality assurance we're on a recorded line

for this and future calls so are you looking for someone to come into your place yeah to come

bathe me and wash me okay sure i want to take my let me just pair you with one i take my pants off

and my panties and my clothes and everything and they can bathe me and wash me okay can i please

get your first and last name please yes my first name is akulo a-c-u-l-o last name is krasinski

My last name, please.

Krasinski.

Do you need me to spell that?

Please.

K-C-R-U-J-C-Z-K-I-N-K-E-E-E.

Okay, thank you.

And are we speaking on the best phone number to reach you, please?

No.

The best phone number is for me to fart in my hand and smell it.

Okay, and can I please verify your zip code, please?

I want to fart in my hand and smell it.

What's your zip code, please?

I don't want to tell you.

What's your zip code?

Well, I won't be able to transfer you to an advisor if you won't be able to give me your zip code.

Well, can you give me a better person to talk to?

Yes, but in order for me to move on, I need your zip code.

Write it down.

Alright, fuck you.

Fuck this song.

New song.

Here we go.

Been a long time since I fucked a hoe.

I think this is the last prank of the night, guys.

We're going to end right on time.

One hour less of show today.

But I'm still recovering.

It did go a lot better than it did last week.

Sorry about that.

It was real depressing, right?

That show last week.

I couldn't even talk yet.

Hospital.

Hospital, motherfucker.

Thank you for calling Ria Money Transfer.

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Oh, we got infomercial numbers, man.

Oh, man, the perfect dog training system.

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Para continuar en español, presione 9.

If you know your party's extension, you may...

This number's pissing me off.

Thank you for calling RIA Money Transfer.

Para con...

All right, you're pissing me off, motherfucking woman.

Computer fucking woman.

All right, this should be the last one, then.

And this is the perfect dog training system.

Let's see if they have any audio that we can play of their product to familiarize ourselves with this product.

Thank you.

Let me open up on the other laptop so our YouTube people can enjoy it as well.

I'll see if there's any voicemails.

I know there were a few voicemails.

That one, Slow Elvis.

There's a guy who sounds like Slow Elvis.

You guys will see what I mean.

Sounds like a nice guy.

But it sounds like a slower-in-the-head version of Elvis or perhaps Eugene from The Walking Dead.

Let's do it.

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This amazing system gives you Don's years of powerful knowledge.

You ever heard of that motherfucker?

Ain't no Cesar Millan, motherfucker.

the fuck are you hi first of all i need you to speak up since i'm not deaf thank you for calling

for the perfect dog are you calling about the perfect dog dog yeah i'm calling about the perfect

dog hello don't don't okay my bad my bad my bad like milkman would say don't piss in the pot man

oh milkman oh all right i'll call him this weekend sons of bitches you fucking listeners you fans

Fans, quote unquote fans, Fino's, fans and name onlys.

I got to get going.

Don Lemon's on CNN.

Not that I'm the biggest Don Lemon fucking fan, but that means it's getting late and

I haven't eaten dinner yet.

I need to do that shit.

I need to get my medication in me and I have to eat my medication.

I have to take my medication with food, motherfucker.

Hey, Mouthline caller.

We're doing a call.

Yes.

Hello.

Whatever.

Same lady.

Jesus Christ.

She sucks.

hey caller how you doing man show's almost over here yeah man good good good good yeah i need

more that water was actually pretty shitty to be honest with you i wouldn't pay whatever was it four

or five bucks was that four bucks bottle man wow not worth it man i'd rather drink out of the toilet

yeah yeah yeah yeah how you been man did you did you my i made a call no great where's it on on

on the youtube is it on the internets anyone but yeah we kept in mind for a while it was i'll check

it out i like i like i'm in the mood for a lunk alarm call i'll hear it i'll hear it yeah cool

yeah all right you'd lunkhead you all right all right i gotta go man my sugar's getting low you

take care man we'll talk more next week all right buddy yeah see you bud all right that's uh that's

fucking strange ideas strange for life strange life oh life life is strange evil ideas no

it's strangely all right guys let's run through that voicemail real quick here and we'll head it

out i don't think there were well there were a few oh it's quite a bit actually we're gonna go

from newest to oldest really quick if they play oh yeah you already you already called in don't

complain don't complain motherfucker you damn a third little machine what same thing same guy

all right next fucking guy i've tried to call two fucking times carlito two what the fuck is wrong

with you sorry your machine it won't fucking work uh call me back motherfucker bye bye the dad love

you the dad buddy the dad was having a hard time on facebook he missed his wife i feel so bad for

him you know so let's all keep the dead in your prayers this thanksgiving coming up this pranks

giving coming up and hopefully maybe they get to see each other and the dead will be able to

provide oral sex to her and you know she'll sit on her face his face and her own face too play a

video play what what you blew it asshole that was your shot next same thing next transcription

not available get out of here you're out of here on your ass next okie dokie yeah this message is

Just for Elky calling from the Circle K, you left your hot dog in the bathroom, and we found it.

So if you just want to come pick it up, it's in the lost and found box.

All right, Elky, there you go.

Secret subliminal message to Elky.

Gang communications here on the mouth.

Hello there, Carlito.

Answer the fucking phone.

It's the dead motherfucker.

You never call or answer me when I fucking call you, motherfucker.

motherfucker my wife is right here next to me and she's fucking hot and i love my wife she's

beautiful oh yeah so let's uh you guys no idea what to fucking say i will talk to you later

carlito uh this is airhead by the way kk bye thanks airhead carlito motherfucker you need

to be more drunk to do the dead thing airhead come on man you know better than that minnesota

thought of greg i think you need to bring milkman back i gotta be honest when i first started

listening to your show about a year or two ago i didn't care for him but he does gotta make your

show you guys need to fucking wipe your vaginas and get back together put milkman back on his

show he needs to wipe my vagina he needs to wipe my vagina with his tongue and there's nothing

sexual about it or gratifying to me i don't want him to have to do that but that's how it has to

to go down that's how this prison hierarchy is man either that or he's gonna let me bust his

cheeks voice must take so long to start sometimes trying to play this one for this cab but it's 14

seconds in i don't know i'm sorry buddy someone said west coast university was kind of oh there

someone was playing my shit in the background that's what it was never mind never mind

transcription not available this is in spanish hello hey it's your dad hey dad it's papa papa

Why you not come see me down in Florida?

Fuck you.

Don't see me, please.

I hate you, dad.

I want to give you a good open mouth kiss.

I wrote a poem.

Hello, take off your pj's.

I shall lean on the tip of my dick.

You are warm.

My butt cheeks.

I feel a fever.

When you was in the shower.

When we was in the shower, my butt cheeks was warm.

Girl, oh sweetie, pull down your pj's.

Nice.

Yeah, I don't really get along with my dad.

I think about it a lot.

I know he's going to die soon, and I probably should make up with him.

But I can't even make up with Milkman.

How am I supposed to make up with that devil who's my dad?

Yeah, Eddie Cross.

That's not me.

Hey, it's me again.

Yeah, this is it.

All right, so this is Slow Elvis.

This is what I call him.

Hey, Google subscriber.

I'm sorry.

I think this is a front desk.

I pitched it off more than I usually have.

I'm sorry.

Oh, it's okay.

I just enjoy the show.

Yeah.

and i think you're funny as a motherfucker you milkman um jag uh all bread um the horse machine

i'm missing two-thirds of them i can't remember uh jim jim jim stewart jim stewart is the funniest

son of a bitch ever in my life he is yeah yeah i wish y'all was a funny guy y'all are y'all some

good funny sons of bitches thank you all right slow elvis good man go have yourself a peanut

peanut butter banana sandwich here's someone else hey carlito hey brad it's joe bye brad it

sounded like brad anyway and this is uh you are strange love from now on your name is strangely

all right everyone thanks for tuning in tonight this has been madhouse radio madhouse live.com

is my website by the way as i said several times tonight over there you can subscribe to the

podcast get all the links for your mobile applications to continue listening to this

This Madhouse Radio product, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, via our shoutcast production.

Tune in radio, things like that.

Yeah.

All right.

YouTube.

I'm over on Madhouse Radio on YouTube.

I've got a semi, usually try to make it weekly, best prank calls of the week.

It's called Prank Calls of the Week.

It comes out over there.

Be sure to subscribe to Madhouse Radio on YouTube.

I appreciate it.

Once again, patreon.com slash madhouse.

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has an episode two that i swear to god is coming out soon look i'm working on organizing my shit

all right i'm working on it don't you know don't don't get mad or get mad you have a right to get

mad everyone don't forget next week we'll be kicking off in about 20 at this by this time

next thursday we'll be kicking off 24 hours of live prank call shows it's pranksgiving 2018

and it's coming at you hijinks.fun slash pranks is the hijinks discord chat room open to everyone

one be sure to check that out behave yourself in there please that's all i got for you

y'all have a good weekend i'll be around thank you

Calls (26, 1 h 23 min of 2 h 18 min)

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