Pranksgiving 2018!

You dialed the wrong room, you stupid son of a bitch.

Now hurry the fuck up, motherfucker, all right?

Whoa, whoa, you need to walk to the toilet.

No, no, no, sir, you need to stop flushing the toilet.

No, no, it was just, it keeps making that noise, you know, that sound.

You?

Please, okay, I'll try to read this number again, eh?

Can I get your name and number?

My name is Cross, last name is Pervert.

Okay, thank you, sir.

Okay.

Have a good day.

I'm Pervert Junior.

We're perverted.

We're perverted people.

i'm in the streets listening to madhouse live i hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth

style that we get from carlito that's my big amigo so just kick back to listen to this cat

call people when this show goes live i'll be like damn this shit's bitching stop whatever i'm doing

to tune in and listen you can catch me in the back of his home at horse machine ranch road i'm

busting mad fat flows for assholes and banchos i spit crazy shout out to big amy that's nice

Nice, honey, baby.

We kissing pussies, so ladies, such a labor, yeah.

It's crazy how the stuff that my bruh might say to ya.

Face it, cuz, it's the number one prank cast.

Stay back if you can't handle all the straight laughs that we hand to your dome.

And if you want, call the number.

You can listen to this show on the go.

Big up to the man in the madhouse.

He show love, he stick your motherfucking hands up.

Some come close, but they can't get it right.

Let the king do his thing.

It's time for Madhouse Live.

Big up to the man in the madhouse.

eating pork will give you high blood pressure come

will fuck you up on the inside in a long run eating big will fuck you up in a long run from

the inside that's why we got aids and all this other bullshit around here but okay so the term

eating eating vagina uh it's it's you're more so licking you're not really eating it

Well, then you're consuming the shit that comes from the licking.

You're consuming food.

No.

You're nastier than you eat.

You eat a pumpkin pea.

Oh, Kate.

Wee.

You heard about what's going on in there?

Heard a lot of bullshit talk.

I know that much.

This isn't bullshit, my friend.

Do you know something?

Don't listen to me.

What do you know?

Maybe I do and maybe I don't.

What I say is they got no business negotiating.

We ought to be going back in there with a bullet for everybody in the yard.

Oh, is that right?

We do it now.

We do it later.

No use.

Am I right, Al?

Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute, Frank.

You guys and their black Muslims, Panthers, young lords, beside you, the average antisocial.

We gotta go in, right? Clean your clocks.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is...

You have reached Zappos.com, powered by service.

We are unable to come to the phone right now as we are spending time with our family...

Ah, motherfucker, you're supposed to be open.

Please feel free to write us at CS.

You are supposed to be open.

Well, so much for the cold open. Hey, everyone, happy Pranksgiving.

i guess zappos will have to wait until tomorrow maybe they come in at midnight i don't know i

was told the day would be open and i was lied to i was lied to by parkman parkman is the liar

everyone who i thought he was sending me numbers tonight what's going on parkman he's probably with

his family maybe you know family stuff family business pranks giving motherfucker

Motherfucker!

Yeah!

Thanks everyone for tuning in.

Let's try to get some pranks out of the way and then we'll talk.

We're going to have a nice chat with you wankers.

Shut up, Weeping Angel.

I know what you're trying to say, that I play a lot of fart sound effects.

Why don't you shut up?

You stupid.

You mad baby.

Baby Huey looking motherfucker, you.

Hey, what's going on, Baby Huey?

What was your name?

Huey?

Exactly.

Alright, he won't call me no Baby Huey.

This is a prank.

No, I need to make an order.

I need to make an order, please.

What can I get for you?

Okay, I need an order of the hash browns.

And I would like to customize them, if I could tell you how I need them, please.

What can I get for you?

I need them doubled, covered, smothered, diced, cubed.

What do you call when you add the chili?

Cubed is not a topping.

Don't you put the little cubes of hams in it?

Oh, ham, a chunk.

Oh, that's chunk, okay.

So, mother cover, chunk, and top is chili.

The top, yeah.

Because where I'm from, when they say the chili, they say, like, take a shit on it.

But that's not.

That's not what I'm, you know.

You know how the chili looks like someone took a shit on it?

Like this?

That's what it looks like.

Yet again, I actually did not have anything else to do on Thanksgiving besides make crinkles.

I'm just joking around.

But I do need to make an order.

I do need to make an order.

Please, come on.

Come on.

Well, shit.

Okay, man.

so i've got the report here of the thanksgiving hours uh right now open walmart has been open

since 6 p.m target is open until 1 a.m and then they are reopening at 7 calls calls call calls

open at 5 p.m and they're staying open all the way through uh best buy is open until 1

macy's is open until 2 a.m game stops are now closed they close at 10 p.m they may be they're

You're open on the West Coast still.

JCPenney, who cares?

They're going to stay open through Thanksgiving.

I bet you that's the most boringest fucking JCPenney.

Oh, I can't wait to go JCPenney, yeah.

Oh, man.

JCPenney, man.

I'm from 1995.

I want to get my Arizona jeans.

I don't even know what else they sell fucking JCPenney.

Now, as a big and tall guy, I mean, let's be honest.

I'm not there. I'm not at the big and tall shop or the big and tall section for the tall part

I'm there for the big part big Carlos is what they call me that being said they have quite the nice selection of big and

Tall clothing much more affordable than you know, the fat guy store also known as casual male now with DXL

They got like 50 fucking names

Numbers are in for park man

Featuring major appliances by LG, GE

Oh yeah, they started selling appliances at JCPenney now

Because that works so well for Sears

For store hours and direction, select one

For salon, select two

For list of departments, select three

For appliances, select four

For Sephora, select five

For optical, select six

For portrait, select six

We could play JCPenney a lot

For jewelry, select one

For shoes, select two

Not you, Echo

go one moment please i changed the its name from alexa because the every everyone all the

commercials say alexa jc penny is how many direct your call hey you guys are open all the way

through to yeah we close tomorrow night at 10 okay but you're open now and you're not closing

anymore correct we don't close again till tomorrow at 10 p.m okay and this is like the

like the most boringest uh slowest black friday place right yeah pretty much no it's pretty it's

pretty often yeah but you guys are doing pretty bad right now right no yeah i mean what you'd last

quarter you guys were in the right you have you've been in the red since 2011 well i don't have

anything to do with that are they cutting your hours no do you think you guys will make it through

this holiday season yep do you think you'll outlast sears that i don't know uh i don't know we're

doing okay we're okay we're gonna be okay well i'm gonna pray for you you know okay all right

are people in appliances now yes do they have sales people there like appliances yes can you

can you put me through but i don't want to wait a long time i smell really well i'll do the best i

can because they're working with customers yeah but it's jc penny like really you know

i smell really good guys and it's not my cologne i got this aftershave oh it smells like gay man

like bear payment what i imagined a bear but smaller oh yeah jcp when they start selling

appliances i heard it's failed man probably gonna take forever uh big ethan requesting

lowe's roulette unfortunately i'm just getting a report here from my sources that lowe's does

not open until 6 a.m tomorrow playing any fucking games came in her mouth hey eliza's trick that i

learn is uh when you okay maybe i shouldn't say that let's call a different jc penny because

jesus and what is this what kind of christmas music is this this is the christmas music you

play when you're gonna lose your job we don't have my gifts this year because mama works at jc

black friday starts this thursday doors open at 2 p.m there are ultimate black friday events

Don't miss out.

Our four hours this week are Sunday, 11 a.m.

Blah, blah, blah.

Just giving you my options, puta.

To 9 p.m.

One moment, please.

Missy, this is Katie.

How may I help you?

Hey, how you doing, Big Katie?

Hello.

Hello, please.

Nobody answered you?

Well, no one answered me, no.

Why?

Well, it's a fart call.

It's a fart call?

Fart.

U-A-R, so fart.

It's a fart.

Parked.

No, I need a full call, not a part call.

This is a full call.

This is a phone call, yes.

This is the full thing, not part, not a portion.

It needs to be the full thing.

What happens is like if I paid somebody, somebody must have paid someone for you,

and nobody answered the call, so it rings back here at Jewelry.

Okay, all right.

So who were you asking for?

Oh, so what I was trying to find out is my wife, we were getting a, we want to get an

appliance, but it needs to be a washing, like a laundry machine that she can ride, you know,

to ride it, to sit on top of it and get like feelings down there.

Oh, wait a minute.

I'll get you someone just a second.

Hey, wait, what do you mean you're going to get me someone?

I'll get you somebody to take care of.

Oh, don't start with me.

Don't get fresh.

Okay.

Are you getting someone?

No, I'm listening to you.

Well, don't get fresh with me.

your old lady okay all right thank you very much hey did you ever you ever try to get on top of the

laundry machine no thank you you want to try i'll show you how it the it's all about what you put

inside the machine oh really you want to make it uneven so you get some really good feelings down

there like in your pelvis area and your vaginal muscles fucking dirty to me really yeah do you

know what the labia is hello hi my name is labia did you need something yeah i was calling about

the labia okay okay do you have that it's on the black friday special in the advertiser that came

in the newspaper it says labia talking about labia labia them lips ladies yeah times all

right everyone thanks for tuning in again to the madhouse live show i am carlito the host

tonight i will be doing a show until god help me 3 a.m eastern standard time 12 p.m pacific

uh ah every year usually i try to on on the amazon alexa as soon as the first prank is finished

i i set a 24 hour timer you know all right so if we do the math we do the math let's say fair game

uh 12 minutes in i think is about right when the first prank went out it's now 28 so 16

16, 16 minus, what's 24 hours minus 16 minutes?

23 hours and 44 minutes.

Okay, Echo, set a pranks giving timer for 23 hours, 46 minutes.

Okay, good.

All right, so just to confirm, Echo, how much time remaining on the timer?

23 hours and 45 minutes left on your pranks giving timer.

All right, fair enough.

All right, so that being said, as we do here every year,

24 hours of live prank call shows we've only missed a year i think maybe two in the last

when do we start this 2012 i think we've had a pretty good run always fun always fun so as i

said i'm on until 3 a.m after that big green bee green bee green bee green bee we'll be doing a

two-hour show from 3 a.m to 5 a.m super foam brothers again all times eastern okay so from

From midnight to 2 a.m. Pacific, Greenby will be doing a show.

I hope he does.

He hasn't reached out to me because if not, then I get stuck with an extra two hours.

I'm going to go crazy.

I'm going to cut my wrist right here and I'm live in the air, my penis.

Super Foam Brothers, along with Big Lux, Lady Lux, are going to do a show from 5 to 7 a.m. Eastern.

That's 2 until 4 a.m. Pacific Standard Time.

Then RBCP, Brad Carter himself, will be on in the morning from 7 a.m. until 10 a.m. Eastern,

followed by party time, a special party time, a special four-hour party time from noon till 4 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

Dwight McClanahan from 4 to 7 p.m. Eastern, and then Jaiad and a live Cause of Mass Confusion,

a very special one.

He's got a lot of things planned.

He says this is the end of him for prank calls.

I'm like, get out of here. All right. Come on. Everyone comes back. Everyone comes back.

He's going to wrap things up. He's going to start at 7 p.m. and finish it out 10, 15 p.m.

It has to be 10, 15 p.m. because that's when I did the first prank call.

So there you go. If you miss any of that, if you didn't understand, if I mumbled or if you just don't understand my accent,

you can go to MadhouseLive.com right now on the front page at MadhouseLive.com is the schedule.

So there you go.

I will be broadcasting this as I am right now on Shellcast.

It will continue to broadcast.

That's the plan.

So if you're going to go out Black Friday shopping, if you're going to be out and about,

you can use your TuneIn app or anything that receives Shellcast.

You can use your Amazon Alexa device and TuneIn.

The links for that are over at madhouselive.com also.

So looking forward to that.

Hey, everyone.

By the way, we used to do this for charity, but it got complicated.

so i say hey support your favorite prank call shows everyone who's going to be doing a show

uh did i not mention jag show where's jag jag jag does a show he's doing a show from 10 a.m to 12

noon i forgot him when we were saying the the schedule anyway everyone has their own patreon

or paypal links and stuff like that so if you want to support do so and i've encouraged everyone

who's going to be doing a show uh not to worry about promoting this or that it's you know take

Take care of yourselves.

I don't know.

I think it's going to be up to everyone to make their shows available.

Brad's going to release his on his streams and his feeds.

Phone Brothers will do the same.

I believe Lux is going to handle that for the Phone Brothers show that they're doing together.

So anyway, look, we got a lot of pranks to get to.

We got a lot of stuff to do.

Jen Stewart will be joining me at 1 a.m.

1 a.m.

He's not on now.

He is sleeping.

Remember that he's in the U.K.

So he is sleeping.

but in about one two two and a half hours jen stewart will be joining and i'm excited about

that it's been a while since he's been on so whoo-hoo right everyone say that go all right

let's get back to the prank calls we have to we must do this the fat is in the fire as they say

i want to thank labia nation labia nation uh for the super chat that says echo has a meaty labia

all right all right thanks labia nation let me see if anyone's super chatted yet

anyone else rather and then we'll get to the pranks jesus you guys crack me up man

that's it so far john dode donated yesterday he said love love your show i know this is

pre-recorded he donated a couple bucks uh yesterday so thank you for that i will give

you your shout out there you go all right back to the list let's see who i can call let's see

or jc penny they seem pretty funny

let's mess with some more girls in the jewelry department at jc penny

i'll be taking calls in a little bit i'm trying to stretch things out as you saw i had a longer

intro than usual i cheat i cheat but fuck i gotta do five hours man i gotta i gotta you know

I figure if I take long breaks, taking two breaks tonight, long breaks and talking, I can get I can cut out like an hour that way.

For women, select one. For men, select two. For lingerie, select three. For children, select four.

Four. Select four.

one moment please you have entered an invalid extension

for women select one for men select two no toys for christmas and get us no presents

one moment please you have entered come on

for women select one for men select two for lingerie select three for children select four

for buying jewelry so like five for the home we go to jail we would be respected one moment

he's no lingerie every time i try to hit the lingerie option it doesn't work

jewelry department hi hello hi i was trying to get through the jewelry i've been transferred

like five times well you're talking to jewelry all right uh do you have jewelry for fat people

fat girls we have all different kinds of jewelry yeah but do you have plus size jewelry um i got

i we do uh you know what uh you know what a fantasy uh fantasy christmas gift draw is where

you all you all pick like everyone puts their name on a paper at work we put all our names in

a paper at the office and we put it in in a hat and then we all pick and we mixed it up and we

we pick the name okay i got the fat girl in accounting so i don't really know what i got

like a 30 limit it's just to buy her a 30 gift well the best thing that i can tell you is you

would have to come in and look yeah i know but i'm just saying because i know that you know like

fat women need different sizes of things so there's there's plus i was reading we have all

different sizes there's do you have like juniors and misses what's the difference exactly how does

there's no difference in the jewelry it's any age for any jewelry but even like if she's a big

got big fat like she's really fat you know yes and that's fine okay all right i mean you understand

by me my i mean how big are you how much do you weigh don't do it hello but like like i said you're

just gonna have to come in and look okay and why why is it for everybody why is it lingerie doesn't

answer uh i'm not sure okay another question here i can transfer you over there no in the circular

That's fine.

I got the newspaper, and they had some jewelry items in the circular that were going to be on sale.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Is the labia still there?

Who?

Labia.

It's a gold labia.

I'm not sure.

It says 18.

You would have to just come in and look.

Well, come on.

I'm asking if you still have the 18-carat gold labia.

Can you ask to see if someone knows if it's there still?

I'm sure that we have it, yes.

Is it that slow?

No.

We are very, very busy right now.

Okay.

But compared to...

It is Black Friday.

day yeah but it's jc penny you haven't turned a profit since you haven't turned a profit since

2011 but like i said just come in and check it out have they been cutting your hours you have

a great night okay hey good luck i know you guys hey good luck i know you oh god every jc penny's

got the echo stupid call right guys it's here for stupid call yeah i'm not talking to you echo

echo go fuck yourself no church my uncle says stop bitching nigga no skirts it's kind of crazy

that's enough i'm not sure shut up shut up echo shut up echo shut up echo shut up shut up

what the fuck i don't know why i put a fucking spy microphone inside my office here like it's

It's a fucking good idea.

I'm just watching Netflix sometimes.

The motherfucker goes off.

Looks like New Orleans is going to be the fucking Falcons.

It's the beginning of the fourth.

They're up by, well, still close.

14 points.

For women, select one.

For men, select two.

For shoes, select three.

For children, select four.

For fine jewelry, select five.

Thank you for calling JCPenney.

Hi.

How can I help you?

Hi, honey, baby.

Hi.

Hi, I was calling to see if you still had this item that was in the circular.

It's very important.

Okay.

Okay, it's the 14-karat gold labia brooch.

I don't know.

Hold on just a second.

It's the labia brooch.

Okay, do you have a lot number?

number uh a lot number i just know it's labia l-a-b-i-a for me or maybe you can ask someone

around who might know about the labia and now and it's a bracelet it's uh like a bracelet a labia

bracelet okay hold on have you heard of it did you see it online or something yeah it's a labia

a big labia brooch like a bracelet brooch kind of bracelet no can i talk to her she might maybe

Does she know what the labia is?

Can you ask her if she knows what it is, at least?

Wait a minute.

Hold on.

I'll go ask my supervisor.

Thank you.

Okay.

Hold on.

All right.

Thanks.

Hold on.

Love

that word we don't have

hello hello he said that we have never had anything like that that you might just be able

to get it online okay all right like a craigslist yeah he said that he had uh he thought he had

He had heard of a bracelet like that, but he said, we have never had it in our store.

Okay.

So, you know, labia, what it is, it's the vaginal lips on a woman.

That's what I had you asking people, if you had a piece of jewelry that looks like the vaginal, the vagina lips.

Yeah.

Stupid.

Oh, cudo.

Puta.

Pendeja.

All right.

Here's another one.

I'll be taking calls in a little bit here.

I'm stretching it out after 11. So in about 15 minutes, I'll start taking callers. So open up the line

The manager the last place that he thought he heard about something like that

Oh, yeah, I think i've heard of that really surprised how many lady don't know what labia is how many lady I said

How many units of lady no don't fall on the ground fucking poker fucking poker you

oh zolar where's zolar zolar said to hit him up when the show started where's that zolar

motherfucker the person you have called is not available for dot com home men's and shoes

select one missus select two children's select maybe they don't know what lady is what is the

difference between missus and juniors and i mean i know what maternity is that's how catastrophe

if he wears but she's not that's what i'm about to give up on this this is an actual busy jay-z

kill it kill it for jewelry yeah jewelry one moment please women's select all right i give

up did they close no it's 10 50 it's still early came to the world followed by three more boys

All right, so Parkland said he sent me numbers, but I didn't get them in my inbox.

I don't know what he's talking about.

I don't know what he's smoking.

I'm going to search on his email address in case I got him earlier and didn't realize.

Nope, the last one I got is 1114.

Well, shit.

i was brought up in pain y'all can't touch me police pursue me chase cuff and subdue me

wait on those in the meantime back to the list let's try some cole's

i know they have jewelry there i'm on this big jewelry labia thing it's working let's stick to

it all right thanks that's a facebook more facebook welcome to cole's in wheeling we are

now open and for your convenience we are open all night tonight to speak with the department

associate press three for directions to the store press four transferring please hold i'm not gonna

to bother calling best buy i just realized i mean at least last year i'll try but last year they

just literally you called and said sorry we're too busy we're not gonna transferring please hold

come on thank you for calling calls and how can i deliver greatness for you today

you can you're gonna deliver the greatness of god i needed to talk to someone in jewelry but

i don't have time to wait a long time well we're real busy so well that's not that's not my problem

one well nobody can hold on the drawing i could deliver greatness for you today yes i need to

check on an item please okay it's the labia bracelet 14 carat uh do you have a upc or a

number anything like that all i have is labia l-a-b-i-a do you know the price uh 39.99 maybe

you can ask one of the ladies might know i understand you're a man funny hold on one minute

Pato, what's up with Deliver Greatness?

It sounds like they're like one of them Christian stores now,

like Hobby Lobby and shit.

Chick-fil-A.

I ain't got time for this.

Back to the list.

Let that suck-a-ass bitch look for labia all he wants.

And I'm kind of not wanting to mess with Walmarts,

because, goddammit, it takes a long time.

Even on not Black Friday, they're like,

Welcome to Kohl's.

We are now open.

And for your convenience, we are open all night tonight.

Thank you for calling Kohl's.

This is Kay.

Hi, Big Kay.

How are you doing?

Good, thanks.

All right.

Is this jewelry?

No.

Did you want jewelry?

What do you do there?

I'm in customer service.

Oh, really?

Is the jewelry busy?

Because I have an item on me.

Honey, I can't see them.

I have no idea.

Don't call me honey.

I'm married.

Don't call me honey.

I'm married.

I couldn't.

And I don't need you to call me honey.

I'm no one's honey.

Okay?

The only honey...

I'm my mom's honey, and that's it.

That's good.

Okay.

I can page them if you'd like.

Because I'll get a lawsuit on you so fast your head will spin.

Yeah, go ahead, but don't take too long.

Let's go.

One moment.

Hurry up.

Don't honey me.

All right, Parkman numbers finally came in.

Thank God.

We got a lot of them, too.

A lot of numbers all open.

Guam and shit.

Cold story.

This is Linda.

How may I help you?

It's about time.

I've been transferred like five times.

How can I help you, sir?

I'm looking for a specific item there.

Thanks for acknowledging and saying that you're empathized with me, with my problem with the telephone.

Thanks for taking that opportunity to empathize.

Good customer service.

I'm trying to wait on my customers.

Can I help you or not?

I'm a customer, too.

Yes.

Can you tell me if you have the item that was on sale on the circular?

Which one?

The labia, 14-karat gold.

The what?

Labia.

I don't know what that is.

Well, can you ask someone who might know?

Supervisor?

Hold on.

Hurry up.

making the people look for the shit

see you got a lot of stores and guam numbers here

oh a sega genesis activator for so was that the gun right

the activator oh no that was the equalizer i thought what was

there goes the ipad there goes the sound effects that that other call

okay all right we're good all right we'll let that hold there for a second

it and i'm gonna call on this activator what what let's what was the sig activator because of the vh

excuse me a vhs tape freak just this is the thing you said okay so it's like kind of oh

for the genesis oh so you could like swing around oh yeah that's right that's right that's right

like you could play mortal kombat you could swing out but it didn't really work if i remember

correctly just it was kind of the um yeah yeah i got a power glove one christmas and i think i

used it like once it sucked it was so stupid i was all excited to play i'm gonna play mario with

my power glove because i saw that stupid the wizard movie i was like yeah i'm gonna have

master control with the power glove and it was that was like the most uncomfortable unintuitive

uh controller ever they didn't have many games like specific games where they had a couple but

they weren't that good either there was like this handball game i remember i ended up getting i

I don't know if it came with it or my parents bought it with it or something, but that was

kind of fun, but the novelty wore off really fast.

Anyway, Sega Activator.

Let's do it.

This is taking too long.

I ain't got time for that.

And it's time to open the mouth lines.

I just missed a call, but the mouth line is now open.

You can call in and join 405-396-6884.

Once again, that's 405-39-MOUTH.

Hello?

Okay, I need an area code in Guam.

That's a problem.

The area code is 1.

Very good.

Thank you for that.

at 671 okay here we go oh yeah by the way if you're out and about well you know tomorrow or

anytime um you can also use the uh on the go line 605-475-0097 you can dial that number and listen

to this show right now for example and any of the other shows during pranksgiving hello hello

hello did she find out what labia means yes she did ma'am sir i command you to speak why you

you know speaking stupid cabron that's what i expected okay man so yeah again while during the

prank call marathon 605-475-0097 that number is also listed at madhouse live.com you can go there

that's your central location for all the tune-in options for the 24-hour show machinathon i hope

you had a great thanksgiving uh it's kind of bummed out man it was like a white people thanksgiving

for me i just i gotta get i gotta go to puerto rico or florida again man i gotta be with my

family because these white people can't cook no turkey it's all dry they put gravy fucking white

people in their fucking gravy man fucking nasty and it doesn't even they don't even do real like

all right in puerto rico in a puerto rican family we make the turkey our gravy is like straight up

it came from the bird it's the fat we don't add no flour to that you don't need to it's turkey

juice straight up the drippings these people here they're like oh i got a packet and i mixed it with

some water what the fuck is that disgusting get out of here with that oh jen sent me a message

is he up hang on i thought he was going to be up at one hey come face are you up hang on let me

call him i thought i had to wait on him my bad he just messaged now all right let's uh hello

mouth flying caller this is carlito please don't be mean hello hi please don't be mean hello okay

okay hello last time just kidding don't start don't start okay okay all right how can i help

you how you doing it's good to talk to you happy thanksgiving yeah happy pranksgiving pranksgiving

that's right i'm trying you know i'm trying trying hey i sent you i sent you some numbers

on discord okay on discord who is this i don't know who this is i don't know this is well you

don't know my caller id geez no it is it just says adolf nippler oh adolf nippler are you did

Did you call the last show and say that the audio was bad and it wasn't bad?

Yeah, I really thought it was.

It was like, ooh.

You're stupid.

No, maybe your pitch is wrong.

You're just dumb.

I don't know.

I think it was you, to be honest.

It wasn't.

I had many people.

Yeah, I think it was.

So what are these numbers?

Escorts?

I mean, what are you trying to do to me?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah?

Sacramento prostitutes.

Oh, shit.

Sacramento?

Yeah, and they're ready to be stuffed for Thanksgiving.

Yeah, we'll see about that, perverted.

fucking bitch i can hear your stuff going on oh shit reach one four one five three two six

i have to add jim stewart adolf nippler are there any okay is this just escorts that's what you

added just a lot of escorts here right yeah just kind of escort that works that's something to do

you know because you know pussy pussy doesn't sleep motherfucker you right that's true all

right motherfucker i wish are you going and they're desperate for work yeah they are you

You know?

All right.

all right nipple i gotta let you go i gotta get jen stewart on here he's not gonna want to talk

to you i'm sorry buddy all right get jen in here yeah god bless you i'm out all right happy

thanksgiving get out of here bye-bye it's jen time i don't want the adolf nippler on here talking

to jen taking away my jen how do i call people on this call call skype that's why okay and and

And turn this on.

Hello.

Hey, cunt face, how are you?

Hey.

How are you doing, buddy?

What's up?

God bless you, man.

Do you have any echo problems right now?

Everything okay?

Holding up all right on your end?

Sounds absolutely fine on my end.

What's happening on yours?

No, sometimes I have to fine tune the people on Skype when they first join.

That's all.

Okay.

If you have any trouble, let me know and I'll adjust it.

Thank you very much.

Hey, man, it's good to have you on.

people are gonna are gonna love the fact that you're on man i don't know if you am i actually

on right now i'm on yeah you're on right now you son of an owl you yeah yeah you're coming back

gonna do some pranks in in 2019 i spread that word and people were excited yeah i saw fucking

a thousand people saw it uh it was it was quite impressive um that's the carolina yeah yeah

I don't know what to do about that

it's like you tell somebody something

and then suddenly you have to

you don't realize the commitment you've made

until after you've said it

well don't freak out

just do little bits here and there

don't worry I fully intend to

start doing some stuff

next year

your voice changed Jen what's wrong

you been crying and stuff

yeah I've been crying

all night man

good good jen do you want to come we're having a big meetup in uh march i know you invited me to

go to amsterdam one christmas a couple years ago yeah yeah yeah i mean i i heard about this this

big meetup when is this meetup march 14th i want to say the weekend of march 14th we're meeting in

california uh near milk yeah i mean it's too early for me to say like right now i'd love to come

obviously yeah but it depends on a number of factors that are just like not within my vision

at this at this point okay all right well when your vision is more clarified and focused and

we're closer to that milestone closer to the time yeah definitely i i want to code i definitely want

to go yeah it'd be great to hang out with you man we could do things you know yeah asian massages

together you know not in the same room like a happy do they do like a happy oh yeah dude yeah

in san francisco yeah yeah so but we don't go together we go at the same time but you go in

in your room and i go in my room you don't want to be in my room wow a couple's massage but you

know no yeah yeah you can be in my room because you have like five percent body fat i have like

50 and you're gonna be like oh look at this little penis

okay i'm gonna bite you yeah yeah when you come i'm gonna bite you there i'm gonna bite you in

your body you're not gonna eat me no just bite you and we're gonna have a pot we're gonna mix

the things in the pot

remember those pranks

you used to do pranks

like

you'd call a restaurant

like I want to have a pot

and I want you to poo

in the pot

yeah that was quite funny

oh my god

I remember

you know

one of the funniest ones

was the

this was where I called up

and I wanted to

stick random things

up my ass

and then this

this fucking guy

I couldn't

stop laughing

because I was like

the phone

I was complaining

about the phones

next to the

next to the bed

in the hotel

the number you have dialed

does not answer

to fit up my eyes

and uh

yeah yeah

the number you have

yeah

someone brought up

on Facebook

gas

you had a whole show

where all you kept saying

was you wanted to put

gas in your ass

you kept saying

gas in my ass

gas in your ass

like real funny

like yeah

isn't that what you

actually titled the show

in the end

I ended up calling it

gas in your ass

yeah

good time

that was quite funny

Dwight still brings up

all the time

that you never heard

the two in the pink

one in the stink

joke

don't know if you

remember that

so he keeps

wasn't it i bought that up no i brought it up you said that's a hilarious joke or like yeah

that's like a joke that you know yeah okay all right when you're five years old you probably

introduced me to that yeah very well yeah so then uh i called it i called that show two in the pink

one in the state there you go what works for me all right i'm gonna calm down now i'm gonna calm

down you're excited to have me on man it's like it's here four o'clock in the morning and um i

I basically just got up, I don't know, 20 minutes ago so that I could just call him

because I promised you, I'm conscious of the fact that you WhatsAppped me yesterday.

And you're like, yeah, yeah, can we go?

And I said, yes, okay, sure.

I got you.

Because a lot of people ask about you, you know, all the time.

Where's Jin?

Bring Jin.

Have Jin on.

So it's a big deal.

And it's a big day for prank calls today.

We got a lot of people.

Wow.

Okay.

Well, I appreciate that.

All right.

I haven't been around so long.

it's just weird it's weird for me i come on and it's like um yeah what do i do now um i'm so

afraid of giving my own name when i talk to somebody on the phone i'm gonna be too professional

yeah don't worry it's nothing changes here in this place hello hello yeah hello yeah you have

led fog lights for sale uh fog lights yeah uh we don't have them well we are selling them but

they're not on a special sale what do you mean they're not in a special sale you haven't you

You have them, and they're, okay, do you have them on a regular sale?

Yeah.

Yeah?

How much?

They are 12 volt.

We have one that's 18 watt that's going for $20,

and then we have another one that's a flush mount, $17.

It's better if you come to the store to take a look.

Is this a store then?

I thought you were just a regular member of the public.

Do you know where we're located?

this is uh we're a retail store in guam okay well this was on craigslist so that's why the

confusion you know okay uh if you plan to purchase online um can you send the email request on that

we never this is the first time that we're asking no but i'm i'm here in guam i'm in guam god damn

it you understand i'm in the military i'm in guam all right and i need this led i want to

to light up my woman's my female's labia okay okay um how many watts is this how many lumens

does it create uh one i mentioned the 18 watts that's a 1500 lumens okay good good you see all

right so i'm what you know what a cuckold is i'm sorry can you say that again do you know what is

cuckold cuckolding cuckoldry no i did not all right so my friend uh dr stewart is on he's uh

he's from britain and he's gonna have sex with my wife while i watch i just i just get to watch

and he has sex but i want a big light on it i want to see it i want to be really shame i want

to feel a lot i want to feel a lot of shame and watch it and cry a little bit last time i started

crying you know okay okay so do you i mean are these ample do you think this would be too much

light for me to see the penis and the going to the vagina and all that one moment okay jen explain

Explain how the penis goes in a vagina, please, because...

Yeah, I mean, I would, but I can't really hear anything, so it's...

Oh, you can't?

No.

Nothing at all?

No.

You can't hear the call?

Mm-hmm.

Shit, shit.

I'm sorry, hello?

Hi, hello, I say.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Yes, what was your question earlier?

Oh, I need to light up the labia in the vagina, you know?

Okay.

Okay. These fog lights, spotlights, they are running on a 12-volt, and they are LED.

Each LED has three watts.

So the one I mentioned earlier, this is 18 watts, so each LED is three watts.

There are six LEDs.

Okay.

So if it's something, as you said, to use something up close, it would be bright.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

All right.

Yeah, sure, whatever.

I don't think you understand what's going on here, though, you know?

Like, I'm trying to explain to you in a nice way.

Is it okay if I leave you James's number?

Anus's number?

James's cell phone number.

James?

Yes.

Yes, this is the item that you found on Craigslist.

Yeah, do you have Google?

Do you have Google?

I can just tell you what it is that I need you to look up.

We can take a look, see if I can give you the term.

Can you just put it in Google and tell me?

no you you i think it is oh god come on lady you're stressing me out and i'm having trouble

with the technical side of things right now okay please yeah it would be better if you can talk to

someone who has more information than i do right now i can leave you his cellular number for you

to contact him i believe that would be the best way no no no i don't want that okay i don't

i gotta go i gotta go i gotta go bye bye shit jen you're right i don't know why you can't

to hear the calls that doesn't make any sense i don't know why i can't hear the call i gotta i

gotta stink about this are you hearing music now jim yeah man okay you sound different but i know

i hear myself okay now okay okay see see i will adjust that keep working on that how do you say

some really cool cuban music yep it is cuban very good you may hear a little bit of an echo but i'm

adjusting it all right all right we'll get there we'll get there still hear yourself can you say

no no and now i can say penis and i can't hear it okay all right all right good good good all

right we're fixed thank you for your patience everyone and thank you jenna stewart most

important for your patience and for not hanging up that was that that was the led call that was

interesting i have an iphone for sale an iphone this is i'm not a fan of apple i've got an iphone

i'm actually on an iphone it's fucking i don't know you know i switched to iphone this year

it actually yeah um yeah i'm not a fan i'm just not i don't like apple fucking i don't like i just

don't like apple it's it's yeah i mean i don't like how closed off it is i have an ipad i love

my ipad but i can't imagine having my phone and on ios you know i'm trying to sit now no no no i

agree okay so my ipad i really like and i love the way that apple's products look yeah but

functionality wise yeah i think it's just shit yeah yeah yeah i mean work is i have an iphone

for work and i have to deal with it whatever um yeah but i would have an iphone x or what do you

have uh no it's work it we get cheap one i think i have a i think it's a seven or an eight it's an

eight right oh wow yeah so yeah they're not gonna spring for an x my wife has an x i bought it for

her release day that was her birthday gift birthday slash christmas gift last year she

She doesn't want to upgrade this year.

I have an iPad 9.7 Pro.

it's oh yeah yeah i have i have the same i have yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah okay i'm gonna have the pencil i've got the pen no but here's the thing

i'm gonna trade it in it's it's starting to give me some trouble with you know freezing up and

stuff and instead of dealing with it i'm gonna trade it in and because i can get a good five

five hundred dollars trade in value for it and i'm gonna get the new one's pretty nice you know

and i'm gonna get i'm gonna get the new ipad pro that i got this year i don't know if that's the

the same one but what does mine say um what is it it's a1707 i don't know what that means i don't

know i've got a new i've basically i paid a lot of money for all my stuff so i know i've got good

stuff yeah at least i assume that's the logic behind it yeah yeah yeah yeah the new one the

new one's pretty good though man it's i mean technically on on specs they've made another

one yeah the new it performed it performs better than the macbook air you know yeah like it had

But no mouse support yet.

You wait until the phones stop performing, outperforming computers.

I mean, that's going to be incredible.

And then Samsung is going to have their foldable phone.

I'm kind of excited about that next year.

That's coming out.

Apparently the next...

I saw that, yeah.

Yeah, they've been working on it for five years.

So by now, everyone, they say they've got it perfected, the actual folding.

Yeah, in five years, it's going to be even better, right?

Yeah, exactly.

You know, I thought about that back in 98.

I was like, it'd be cool if you had a cell phone and it could be like origami and you could fold it.

And I designed it like I drew it out and everything.

Yeah, I had that idea.

It's great.

All right.

Let's see if you can hear this.

You want to call for the iPhone, Chin?

Yeah.

Let me talk about the iPhone.

Do you hear ringing?

Yeah, I do.

Hey, praise be to Allah.

Hello?

Yes, hello.

This is Mr. Stewart speaking.

Hello, hello.

How are you?

Mr. Stewart?

Mr. Jim Stewart?

Oh, no, no.

You got the wrong number.

Yeah, no, no, no, no.

You're selling an iPhone?

No, no, no, I'm not.

what do you mean no why would you put an ad to sell the iphone if you're not selling an iphone

it's sold already oh it's sold can't you get it back yeah well i won't can you not get it can you

i will give you extra additional funding for it can you not return it from the buyer yeah

yeah right yeah he doesn't like the british i think that's what it is yeah that's probably

what it is because it's guam and some of them do have beef with you people well you're not

Guam.

Where's Guam?

In the Pacific.

I'm quite ignorant. I don't know these things.

No, it's okay. You don't need to know.

I'm going to need to know, babe.

You have reached 6, 7, 1, 6, 7, 8.

No, we haven't.

Was that the same dude?

No, this is women's clothing for sale.

I was going to ask for clothing with piss stains and pee stains, you know.

Hi, yes, we're calling for the women's clothing with piss stains and pee stains.

We're really big fans.

And poop. I like the poop.

And semen stains.

Yeah, yeah.

God damn it. I like to eat it. I like a woman

to sit on my face. You know what I mean?

Alright, thank you for your time. God bless you. Happy Thanksgiving.

Pound.

Alright.

Oh, wow.

Oh, it's too...

It's too bassy.

Get out of here.

I don't want to hear that. Fucking bassy

sounding piece of shit. I don't know.

Uh, maybe that's why the guy

was weird. You think so?

you think so you think yeah yeah maybe i gotta i can undo my bass a little bit here let's see

bass bass bass and carlito's bass that's more that's worse here's more trouble there we go

and a little more less bass okay all right not so much bass in my voice anymore hey everyone if you

want to call in and do a prank with us you want to talk ask a question you want to talk to jim

stewart let you let him know how much you appreciate him 405-396-6884 that's 405

Oh, you have a calling number now.

What the fuck?

I brought it back.

Jesus, I remember the time I had a calling number.

Wow.

Yeah, man.

I used to have a toll-free line and all that shit.

You did, yeah.

What was it?

1-888-278-8509.

Yeah, that's it.

Yeah.

What the fuck happened to that?

It was expensive and not needed anymore, and people were hacking.

Thank you for calling.

You're on the mouth.

Holy shit.

Yay.

I'm talking to Carly.

What's going on, guys?

Hey.

Hey, hey, hey, how are you?

You know, you're one of probably at least 50 that is sending me messages.

I can't.

You have to be more specific.

The weird looking one.

I don't know.

We're all.

It's good to be here, man.

It's good to be.

I'm rusty as fuck.

But that's I'm sure that'll work itself out.

Yeah.

And I'm chopped liver.

Yeah.

Carlito.

What's going on, man?

Hey, motherfucker.

Yeah.

You stupid.

banquilode

we've been saying that

Nunez has been working on that one lately

banquilode

hi how are you

you got that thing for sale

I forget what it was

you have wild pigs for sale

you have pigs for sale

pigs

what can you tell me about them

what can you tell me

ok

Okay.

Hello.

Hi, you stupid Guam.

Hello.

You have pigs for sale.

Yes, I do.

Okay.

Where are you calling from?

Well, I'm on Guam.

I'm stationed here, and I need some pigs.

We're going to have a pig roast.

Hello.

Yes, yes, I can hear you.

Okay, what's the problem with you?

Hello.

Listen, the pigs.

Do you have female pigs?

No, we don't have any more.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Are you out of pigs now?

now? Motherfucking stupid

waterhead fucking guy.

Every time he's going...

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I can't do this. I need more bass.

I can't do this. Here we go. A little bit

at least. I don't want to sound all tinny. Jesus

Christ.

Yeah, I need some nut. How do you know what it

sounds like now? Uh, what I

sound... Huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're saying, how do you know that you need more bass?

Oh, just, it sounded really

tinny in my ear. It plays back to me like

Oh, it plays back to you.

Yeah, I can hear the quality.

This is a big production here, you know?

Yeah, yeah, you've got a little fucking studio over there.

Oh, it's not little.

I've got a security guard job in Guam.

Fuck.

You've got a security guard job in Guam?

Imagine that.

Yeah, let me try it.

You got it, buddy.

I copy-pasted the link, Kishin.

Okay.

Holy shit, Lonesome Loser's checking in.

What's up, buddy?

The number you have dialed does not answer.

I like how specific that was.

The number you've dialed does not answer.

It does not answer.

It is wrong, but it does not answer.

Very British, though.

It happens a lot in Britain.

You call, like, the number you have dialed is not available.

No, they would usually say the person you've called can't pick up.

So this is like the number you have dialed does not answer.

The number you've pushed on your phone.

Yeah.

So everybody's telling you exactly what's happening.

Exactly.

The number you've called does not answer.

Yeah.

Caller, how do you feel?

You all right, buddy?

Fucking awesome.

man i was wondering why am i those toilets you have to stand and i could never fucking do that

we had to squat over like a hole in the floor oh i thought that what the fuck oh no really you know

what i'm talking about like yeah there's some countries in asia like where you have to like

squat over a fucking hole or yeah india china yeah i couldn't do that japan no japan they're

like we take our very serious our toilet it's our toilet must be glowing the dark in japan

It's like an iPad built to do all the technology and shit.

Yeah, you can track your feces and all that.

Yeah.

It puts a nice little warm water in your little butthole.

Yeah.

All right.

This is a job for a maintenance laborer in Guam.

A maintenance laborer.

That's like a handyman, isn't it?

Either that or like a janitor.

Let me link it here to you.

Give me a sec.

I keep saying I'm going to do that, and I never do.

Yeah, but even if you did, it wouldn't be much benefit to me because I'm on my phone.

Oh, coño, you're right, yeah.

Well, all right.

Well, yeah, all right, so here we go.

This is for maintenance.

I would say, yeah, probably like little fixing things here and there, or maybe...

Okay, let me try and find out.

Maybe cleaning, but this is maintenance.

All right, here we go.

Yes, it's yours, buddy.

Yeah, all right.

Nashby confirming it was the Menacer by Sega, which was their light gun.

Thank you, Nashby.

Hi, this is Monica.

I'm sorry I missed your call.

Please leave your name

Sounds like my mom

I'll call back again

I'll try another go

Please leave your name

Please open your mouth

Say the numbers and name

Ain't looking good

No

We got a dry cleaner

Dry cleaner maintenance help

Hey, Carl, I'm gonna let you go

So someone else can call in

Alright, buddy

Thanks for joining

Alright, man

Stay tuned to Pranksgiving

Motherfucker

Fuck yeah

Alright, thanks

His line is now open

if you want to call in and insult

Jen Stewart. 405-396-6884.

Make him feel really bad about himself.

405-396-6884.

Make him cry, motherfucker.

This is

a dry cleaner maintenance help.

About the same thing.

I don't know why they call it dry cleaner, you know?

They use water.

Dos gardenias para Jen.

Two gardenias for you, Jen.

This song is about my love for you.

slow dance to you with the balsamic margarine and corona beers

hello sir speaking to drag cleaners i can help you hello hello yeah yeah hi how are you this

is mr stewart i'm good how are you i'm excellent i'm very excellent what uh look i need i need a

position i need a job what uh what things do you have there uh well for now we just have like a

maintenance position open but it's not it's a part-time though so that's okay what do you mean

part-time do I have to come in the early morning or do in the early evening or what is happening

just a moment Mr. Stewart do have I have I ever seen you in person and no you've never seen me

in person but I want you to see me because obviously I want to I'm going to be working

with you closely side by side and I'm going to you know I'm going to be managing you so it's

It's important that we get to know one another.

I'm managing?

Yeah, yeah, I'm going to manage you.

I'm going to, you know, you're going to give me the job as the manager there.

Ah, I see, I see.

Did you see a job opening from our store?

Yes, I did.

On some internet?

It was, but listen to me.

I'm telling you, this is what's going to happen.

I'm going to come in there and I'm going to become the commander and dictator of the workplace.

And I'm going to be the superior person there.

and I want you to call me God.

Can you do that?

I can.

But it's important to me that...

Why are you laughing?

I'm serious.

I want you to give me the position

as the senior most person

and I want the staff in the mornings,

in the early mornings,

I would like everyone to,

in a circle around me.

Hello?

The caller is disconnected.

I'm going to call right back.

Fuck that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You are God.

Yeah, let me talk to her.

Yeah, they're not scared.

How dare she?

You have reached a voice mailbox.

When finished, press the pound key.

Oh, shit.

It was a voice mailbox, right?

Here's a caller.

Here's someone to make you cry.

Caller, thanks for calling in.

This is Madhouse Radio.

What can I do you for?

Hey, Carlito Machines.

It's Major Tinnitus.

How you doing?

Major Tinnitus, how you doing?

God bless you.

Dude, thanks for calling in.

Hey, I just wanted to check in, man.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and Mr. Jim Stewart.

Oh, thanks.

Thanks, man.

You're all right, you know.

Tinnitus, isn't that the ringing in the ear?

Uh-huh, yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, he was a drummer in a rock and roll band,

and he didn't use ear protection, and there you go.

That's what you get.

Close enough, yeah.

Yeah.

If you had put a condom in your ear,

now it had protection.

Yeah.

Well, see, you know, the standard condoms,

are just too small for my massive ear holes yeah calling they slip right on no idea uh hello this

is adam hey adam how you doing you're you're oh i'm just right in the middle of a puzzle here

what's up oh you're a gunsmith right that's correct okay good good uh my uh my wife and i

are in a gunplay in bed so we were looking to get like some kind of gun work done kind of like

attach a like a dildo attachment to the front of it i'm sorry what did you want attached on it

we're in we're in a gun play in bed you know you know how some guys are into like

some couples are in a piss play and poop play

i like where you went with that that's pretty good gun play gun play wow um there's also knife

play matt hillock is a big fan of knife play with women he cuts the girl yes but i mean i'm like

you're just a vampire dude you know you might be we don't know that for sure this is adam gunsmith

We're up and running and in business

In Mount...

Wow

He's brilliant though

It's just like you called him

And he says I'm just in the middle of a puzzle

So that guy

The Super Phone Brothers

Dom the Bomb and Strange Life

They do a show, weekly show

They pranked that guy

They talked to him for a good 30 minutes

He was just going off on them

And they're going to be doing a show too

Pranksgiving

They're going to be doing the late-night shift.

Thank God.

I'm calling this guy back.

This is Adam Jepsen.

Oh, he's giving me the F-U button.

I sell gunsmiths and gunsmith accessories.

I'll tell you what.

Yeah, gunplay would be really scary.

I can't imagine people...

I wouldn't want to take that chance, you know?

What if the gun goes off?

Well, that's the whole point, isn't it?

Oh, yeah.

Well, and, like, the kink is that, you know,

you want them to tell you that it's loaded,

it but you want to be reassured that it isn't but at the same time you also want to be scared that

it might be yeah what do you do there wow that's yeah i mean it's too early in the morning to

understand what you just said but that speaks i mean i'm just imagining you bend over a girl

you're fucking her doggy right and you got the gun in your hand and you put it up to your head

while you're fucking her dog and you're playing russian roulette with yourself

and also you're wearing those turkey legs on your head at the same time hell yeah dude you need

those i love how they flop back and forth yeah it's fantastic yeah i'm watching this it's great

thanks hey i got a i got a quick question for you carlito okay um those uh 98.6 the mouth kind

kind of bumps that you play frequently throughout the thing um who did those for you is that your

own original creation or is that like reclute or somebody or uh i paid i think it was like five

bucks back in 2008 for them on some website before fiber was a thing no it was before it was yeah it

was before fiber yeah but i have like four or five of them uh yeah so yeah they just took that 98.6

thing and they put some stuff at the beginning of it yeah well that was it that stuff is like

that's really cool man it like it enhances your whole aesthetic honestly like it just like it

gives the air of professionalism i like it a lot i try you know i try to model based on the radio

i grew up listening to which by the way one of my you know one of my uh one of the shows that i

kind of started listening to the guy when i was 15 years old i'm 39 now he retired two days ago

jim phillips out of orlando on real radio 104.1 wtks he did his last show it was kind of kind of

sad dude that guy not only did he shape like kind of like my radio career just how to engage and

take callers and stuff like that he also shaped like shaped my political views also because he's

kind of leans the way i did i kind of because i mean i kept listening to him every day from when

i was 15 years old you know all through high school i listened and in college and then when

When I worked, I was always at my desk.

I'd listen to Jim Phillips every afternoon.

Kind of got me through.

Good times.

Stopped listening as much when I moved up here to Pennsylvania.

I had Sirius Radio and Terrestrial Radio and this shit.

But I rediscovered him.

Not rediscovered him, but I started listening a little more regularly,

maybe once every other week to a show or two

because they were podcasting all his episodes, which is kind of cool.

Anyway, so yeah.

It shows with your stuff.

like you you have a real like tie-in to like old school not old school but like you know you're not

exactly like in the the new wave of podcast thing but you're not also like the dwelling in the old

thing yeah like this like your layering of background music with sound effects and bumps

and uh voice clips and all this other kind of stuff like you you really do a lot of work in

there man and i've always appreciated that it's really cool and it uh it adds stuff to your your

your whole aesthetic man thanks man i appreciate your thanking me or appreciating that now yeah

you two should get a room man yeah i know right let's just you know here's me me and you right

here look listen busting cheeks we'll talk about that later on you know i'll let somebody else get

on here all right get out of here drop in man all right buddy thanks for calling in there

all right his line's now open 405-396-6884 we're gonna do another prank call

this is a beach bar bartender job in guam beach bar bartender man you gotta i gotta flip you gotta

flip the bottles you know like that movie cocktail yeah i wonder if we took a more serious approach

to the job whether we could actually turn it into something let me let me just try something

just be me oh yeah you need to do pranks you have reached six seven one oh quiet joel uh i have a

a second number for that don't panic same thing different number same thing different number yes

sir not looking good the itini number you have dialed does not subscribe get out of here all

right here's a here's a prostitute no hello please state your name after the tone and google voice

will try to connect you crawl jim stewart and cross you want me to do this oh yeah yeah yeah

she's not gonna say yeah that's fine the google subscriber uh let me i'm gonna just call her

idea i got a whole list of these that came from adolf nippler a listener yeah that's his name

right uh real quick before i do that i want to give a thank you to everyone who has super chatted

over on youtube thank you very much let me go through those here the ones i have not given out

yet walter heimlich maneuver says we need cross helicoptering into an elevator shaft then into a

bathroom in an epic adventure of a lifetime please fulfill my dreams you sexy you that's a request

quest to uh do a prank call collaboration with brad all right good thank you walter heimlich

thank you for your donation uh big chicken slap says he wants to wish prankers and listeners a

happy pranksgiving machine uh big john uh tombstone really tombstone the real tombstone

tombstone here i always love you you are a pioneer in the prank call scheme this thanksgiving i am

thankful for all the laughs and giggles you give me and others around the world don't stop never

Never stop spreading laugh, H-S, H-S, and joy.

All right.

Thank you.

I was just asking, Brad, where's Tombstone been?

Good to hear from you, weirdo.

You weirdo, you.

Call in.

Let's see here.

Jack says, yay, Jen Stewart.

All caps.

That one's for you.

There you go.

And then Jack TV says, happy Pranksgiving.

What up, Big Fat Jen?

Do you have a rebuttal for that, Jen?

anything big fashion um you get no hi what's up to you too yeah there you go yeah all right

continuing on here we go i'm gonna change that caller id and then we're gonna try to call some

hookers you know oh i like that oh my god i love that do you like you came with black hookers

yeah not so much well maybe i don't know i mean if it holds a hole you know yeah it depends really

you know it depends speaking it depends uh speaking it depends what is the color idea i want

it is that i really need at least one prostitute well i mean you can have two could have two

be pretty expensive what if we what if we like what if we said that we are um that we wanted to

get a midget involved in a threesome there you go do we have the midget no i can be the midget

I can change my voice.

Yeah, okay.

Oh, yeah, hi there.

I'm the midget guy.

Hi.

All right, here we go.

Let's see if she answers this one.

I guess midgets have high-pitched voices.

I can't hear you.

That's a midget.

Oh, she's cute.

She looks innocent.

Poor thing.

I bet she has to sell her body.

Oh, you got to sell your body.

This song is about putting it in.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

A lot of these songs, y'all don't know,

but a lot of these songs have a lot of sexual innuendo.

It's really funny.

funny um yeah there's a very hispanic theme going on here i just felt like it you know it's this

time of year i used to be with families kind of music yeah too you know playing dominoes after

eating thanksgiving turkey and racing not not jenga no no that's why people again that's why

people don't you know dominoes yeah hello hello hi hi how are you i'm okay how are you i'm okay

Okay, I'm okay.

So I just got a few questions, and I would really appreciate your candor.

What did she say?

That was either a recording machine, or she's like, oh, I've got to duck out here.

Hang on.

She looks really skanky.

Yeah, sorry.

I didn't know if you were taking the beginning of that.

Oh, no.

It's confused.

All have been forwarded to an automatic voice message.

I remember I did the same voice, and I called a hooker in Motel 6.

I remember I was calling around the rooms, and this hooker was like,

Like, oh, do you have a cold right now?

I'm going to be sick.

And I'm like, yeah, I'm sick.

I'm sick.

That's what we should do.

We should call those Motel 6s where you can dial the rooms, man.

Yeah.

There we go.

Or I think it's Red Roof Inn.

Red Roof Inn is the one that lets you do that a lot.

Red Roof Inn.

Because a lot of people are staying in the hotels because they're traveling.

Yeah.

Visiting the family.

We have to ask somebody.

But if we do get through to somebody in a hotel room, what the fuck are they doing in a hotel room on Thanksgiving evening?

Well, I mean, they've eaten already now.

People are at home digesting, listening to prank calls.

Yeah, but they're not in a hotel.

Well, okay, so the thing is, you know, the family lives nearby, but they don't have enough room in the house, you know, or they don't like each other that much, really.

Oh, yeah, well, we've got to find out.

See, this is what I mean.

Yeah.

We can just say to them, how much of a cunt are you?

Thank you for calling the Red Roof and Chocolate.

Oh, damn it.

To reach a guest, press 1.

To make a new reservation, press 2.

To change an existing reservation, press 3.

Oh, come on.

For directions, press 4.

To reach the front desk, please...

Where are we going?

City Reach.

You do it.

Thank you for calling Red Roof.

This is Waifu.

How may I help you?

Hi, yes.

Can I have room 2...

1-12?

Just one moment.

Thank you.

Jen, you take it.

You've been waiting to do it.

Okay.

The person at extension...

All right, I'm going to try a different one.

I'm trying to find, sometimes these are the ones

where you can just dial the room number, get right through.

I thought Red Roof was one of those.

Red Roof in Huntington.

To reach a guest, press 1.

Sometimes they turn that feature off.

Like, we'd be doing pranks, and they're like, oh, turn it off.

Yeah, they do, they do.

It'll always go right to the front desk.

If anyone out there knows of, you know,

motels that have that system set up right now.

Good evening, this is Trayla, I have my sister.

Yes, hi, I need to speak with room 112, please.

The name of the guy you're trying to reach?

I don't know. I'm with transportation.

Oh, okay. Hold on.

Thank you.

Well done.

Hello?

Yeah, hi. Hey, how are you? Hello?

Yeah, who is this?

This is Jim Stewart here from Room 110.

We were just having a little Thanksgiving celebration,

and we were wondering if you would like to come over and, you know, join us.

10?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're just across the way there, just across the hallway there.

All right, I guess.

Well, if you come over now, you know, we're getting a couple of guys together, and we got some drinks, and we got some Pop-Tarts, and, you know, we're gonna have an orgy, basically.

Huh, what?

Yeah, you coming over?

Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, come on over, and just come naked, okay? Just get yourself ready, and get your wiener out, and just get over here.

uh okay man come on get yourself over here man all right otherwise otherwise i'm coming to you

okay okay buddy all right okay honey honey bunny i forgot i had the side effect for that whoops

i remembered gay sex that's what it's called gay sex well he was in it was definitely oh yeah and

And that's cool.

Good for that guy.

He's going to maybe,

and maybe something will happen,

a sexual thing with one.

Do you think you'll really go over there?

I always wonder when I do that,

whether somebody will actually go over.

Yeah.

Just knock on the door casually.

Excuse me.

Did you just call me about Audrey?

Well,

I didn't,

but now that you're here.

Yeah.

He was totally dead.

I was like,

oh yeah.

All right.

Real.

Whoa.

All right,

guys.

Did anyone get me?

Does anyone know?

if not Red Roof, what are the other

motel guys? Motel.

Let's see. Motel

6. Motel 6.

Let's try that. Let's see if Motel 6 lets us

straight through. Should do.

Super excited about this meetup, Jen, and I hope you make it.

And I hope everyone out there, it's going to be

Yeah, that would be nice. Don't be nervous.

Don't be nervous, Jen. It's going to be okay.

No, no, no. I said that would be nice.

I'm not nervous.

Well, I mean, you said you get nervous.

I'm not nervous.

I'm quite happy to come.

It's just more a question of time.

Time.

Making the time.

How can I help you?

Hello?

Yes, how are you?

Good, how can I help you, sir?

Yeah, where are you from, man?

I like your accent.

Are you from where I'm from?

Where are you from?

Where are you from, sir?

I'm from Bangladesh.

Okay, I'm not from Bangladesh, sir.

Oh, where are you from?

How can I help you, sir?

Why do you need to know that?

Don't be rude to me, okay?

Okay, I was just trying to be polite and make a conversation.

Why are you being rude?

You should answer my question if I ask you a question.

Why do I need to give you your answer, sir?

Why?

Yeah, so why you didn't answer my question?

Where are you from, you?

Why you need to know, sir?

I'm not from Bangladesh.

Listen to me, you little shit, you.

I'm asking you a question, okay?

So you must be polite and give me the answer to the question.

You understand?

Okay.

Yeah, so where are you from, you?

You.

I'm from Pakistan.

Oh, you're a Pekki.

Yeah, I'm Pekki. You Bangi?

Yeah, I'm Bangi. Bangi and Pekki. You want to bang me?

Yeah, I'm going to bang you and Pekki you.

You're going to bang me and Pekki me and then?

And send you to the Bangladesh.

And then?

Then you're going to stay there.

Okay, and then?

Then nothing. How can I help you, sir? Please, I'm busy right now.

I don't care if you're busy. I'm just, I'm telling you, I'm going to come over there with some friends and we're going to do something in like the reception area and I want you to be okay with it. Are you okay with it?

What do you want to do in the reception area, sir?

Well, I don't know. I'll decide when I get there.

I was probably thinking about, you know, some kind of something sexual.

Okay.

Yeah. You want to be involved in that?

No, sir. So you're going to bring a partner with you?

Yeah, yeah. I'm going to bring some partners and a midget,

and we're going to do like, you know, we're going to do something.

I'm going to think of what to do when I'm there.

I'm one of these people who just make things up as we go along.

You know these people?

Which people, sir?

Yeah, those people.

So what do you think?

Is it okay?

Can I do that?

Can I come in there and can I, you know, in the reception area?

Where are you coming, sir?

What area are you coming?

What address?

No, I'm coming to you.

I don't know where.

Where are you?

I'm in New York.

No, you're not.

You're not in New York.

Yeah, I'm in New York.

Yeah?

Okay, all right.

Well, I'm coming to you wherever you are.

Just my question was whether it's okay and whether you want to join me in whatever things we do.

I wonder if you have any suggestions of, you know, things we could do.

Caller has disconnected.

Oh, that's a shame.

He was on the precipice there.

But definitely be.

I had no idea where he was.

Definitely some Pakistani, Bengali.

I'm going to attack you and bang you.

That was pretty good.

I'll send you back to Bangladesh, he said.

Bangladesh.

I'm going to call him back.

Are you calling him?

He's not in New York, right?

No, no.

He's a lie.

Echo, stop.

Hello?

Hello, yeah, it's Mr. Stewart again.

Who is this?

Speaking.

Mr. Stewart, Mr. Jim Stewart, who is speaking?

Yeah, go ahead, Mr. Stewart.

No, no, Mr. Stewart.

Stewart.

Can you say it?

Stewart.

Mr. Stewart.

Say it properly, please, because I don't want you to,

don't, you know, plagiarize my name.

Say it properly, please.

Say it, Mr. Stewart.

Day's gone.

Yeah, definitely.

Why would Bangladesh and Pakistan have beef?

Were they kind of far off?

It was more of India and Bangladesh.

But I guess they all hate each other there.

Yeah, I think they all hate each other.

Yeah, they all hate each other.

Yeah.

Fuckers, you know.

They all look the same, right?

I have no idea.

You have no idea.

You can't say it.

I know why.

All right, here's another Red Roofing.

We're about a few minutes away from taking the first break of the night.

Jin Stewart, I have to take a break soon.

Durhala.

So is that Bangladeshi then?

Or Bengali?

Yeah, yeah, Bangladeshi, yeah.

durhala is is not well they they you have to repeat it you have to say

and then that's like a brother-in-law right oh really

press one to make a new reservation please hold are we talking to the reception let me talk to

the reception so we can get them involved in something sexual yeah let's see let's see yeah

it's not letting me do yeah yeah oh what's your name sorry what your name is my name is steven

Steven. My name is Jim. I want to come in there and I want to bring some friends.

Do we want to do some kind of event? Do you do events?

No, we do not. We don't have a banquet center or a conference.

But I just want to use the front desk area. Can I not do that?

We don't have a very large front desk area.

But I can pay. I've got money.

Okay. What kind of event are you...

So, it's probably going to be sexually oriented.

We're probably going to be touching each other, probably.

And I want it to be...

Hello?

There you go.

I feel lefty lefty.

I'll try him again.

It's a damn shame that...

I'm sure I'll find...

Someone will send one of those motels

where you can dial worms direct.

I love fucking worms.

She's going to send them to other rooms.

Here, let me handle this.

Then I'll put you on.

I need to explain the sexuality.

Bring me in.

Hey, this is Steven speaking.

How may I help you?

Hi, Steven.

Yeah, my brother-in-law might have just called over there

regarding trying to get some accommodations,

the different accommodations for us.

Yeah, no, unfortunately, due to the nature of his intentions,

we're not going to be able to help you.

Okay, what about any,

do you have any extra furniture we can bring into the room?

Like, I don't know, any, like, cheese?

I'm not going to be able to help you now.

Well, it's just something that can help us achieve

some better sexual positions, I think, would be helpful.

I tell you what, man, it's...

We're not going to be able to help you

I'll suck your dick

Alright we'll suck your dicks

I tell you what man here's the deal

Stay on the phone because I've got your number

Okay so so what

So what I'm telling you is that we can't help you

If you call back again

But you got my number

Yes yes we do

So what

I already tried to politely explain

Well don't get fresh with me

Right because the language that you're using is highly inappropriate

What I'm not I mean

I'm using the clinical term for it

suck your dicks

is the clinical term for it

I think you should call him back

let me talk to him again

we'll just take it in turns

I've got your number

hang on let me change the number

one momento por favor

si si

Garcia

Dragonmare reporting that best westerns

are direct dial

thank you very much for that information

thank you for being the person that helps out

and he uploaded a text file

how about that Jin

huh how about beautiful yeah beautiful very good excellent

nashby don't call now why are you trying to call okay microphone's muted so we can speak

yeah i wonder if we should cut it i think so because this is the best way to kind of deal

with frank cool is just to sort of tell them you're right that is the trick right that's

That's how they get you.

And then not answering also is another trick that these people do.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah.

I believe Nashby had a lead here.

He was trying to get my attention.

Okay, here's a dial by number.

I think he's saying this is a dial by room.

Let's try it.

I'm going to have to take this break on time.

I got plenty of time, man.

I got three more hours of show.

I'm feeling like I can do it.

Jerry Seinfeld's on.

Thank you for calling the All Star Motel.

On the poota, yeah.

Let's try 112.

It's my favorite room number, Jen.

Yeah, why?

Okay, let me...

Thank you for calling the All Star Motel.

Cool.

If you know your party's room number, you may dial it now.

114.

Do you just like systematically go through each of the fucking rooms?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Yeah, how long is this room?

Yeah, hi, hi, hi, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Me and my brother, we were in that room yesterday.

Or was it yesterday, the day before, something like that.

We were in there recently.

I think you got the wrong room there, buddy.

No, no, no, no, no.

I need you to check something for me.

You ain't here. You got the wrong room.

You got the wrong room.

You dialed the wrong room, you stupid son of a bitch.

You cunt. Why would you swear at me?

Why are you swearing at me? You called the wrong room.

Because you're shouting like...

Moron, you called the wrong room.

You cunt.

I didn't call the wrong room, did I?

Obviously, you called the wrong room.

I fucking didn't.

If I come out of this room, you're going to understand you called the wrong room, fool.

I'm gonna listen you prick. I'm gonna come over to your room and kick your fucking face and you understand

I'll be out in a half a second. Yeah, come on

Fucker all right, let me call the room next door and see if I can get my beer. Thank you for calling

Trying to call the redneck

How do you think it was a redneck I thought it was black, you know

It could go either way I may have fat fingers hello. Yes. Hi. This is the front desk. This is 114

Yeah.

Yeah, what seems to be the problem?

Well, we have a complaint about your room.

Well, loud television use, someone jumping up and down on the bed, flushing the toilet.

Why are you flushing the toilet so much?

When's the last time you flushed the toilet?

You see?

Yeah, that came up here on the computer, sir, that you flushed the toilet again.

No, the computer shows that it alarms us when you're flushing the toilet too much.

That's too much water.

Oh, I'm not flushing the toilet.

Well, you just did five, ten minutes ago.

I have here on the computer.

It came up.

there's an alert okay yeah well sir we would ask you if you're gonna if you pee to let it

let it mellow if it's yellow let it mellow only flush if you have a bowel movement at number two

okay it's usually what i do but i i blew my nose off you blew your nose also that can stay in the

toilet too please sir all right all right i'm i'm charging you for this here i'm going to print it

out right now i need you to come here and sign this i'll be up there all right listen this is

is a 59 charge just let you know say what for what for excessive flushing of the toilet it's

right here i'm printing it right now sir okay i'm gonna call up here all right hurry the fuck up

motherfucker all right whoa whoa you need to walk watch it right no no no sir you need to stop

flushing the toilet you know what you know what it probably is my toilet's leaking that's probably

what you're right sure yeah but what did you why did you make a leak why did i make it leak i didn't

make it leak so you broke the toilet and i gotta type that up that's another report and that's

It's another fine.

I'll come up with it.

Hurry up and come up here and straighten this out.

There's going to be trouble for you.

Okay?

I'm printing an invoice right now for the toilet.

I love this sound effect.

It does sound like a hotel printer, right?

It sounds like a printer from the 80s.

Yeah, yeah.

Dot Matrix.

It does sound like they were just printing some shitty motel.

That's why I got one of them fricking Dot Matrix motherfuckers.

Yeah, like infinitely long paper feet, right?

It was like an endless loop of paper.

For one fee, it's got to print out all this shit.

Like, I need you to sign this.

So that was different.

I guess it wasn't 114 that I called originally that we got through.

What was it, 116?

It might have been 116.

Let's try it.

I'll let you talk to him if he answers.

You want me to talk to him again?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thank you for calling me.

Yeah, it was 114.

Yeah.

Hang on, let me get Dwight.

Dwight's calling.

All right, calm down.

I'm trying to add his number.

Hang on, Dwight.

he's not the 1-16-1 answer

gonna roll over in a second i'm gonna go to the 120s he's probably out there right now finding

the guy from 140. can you just imagine that leads to a fight like just the first random person

for no reason that's total right now hey dwight mcclanahan's here let's make it a redneck

hey hey yeah he needs to leave that turlet alone yeah dwight hey mr jim stewart how are you

Dwight of the light how are you

in the night I'm full of turkey

I have the beef sweats

nice nice

I made my stuffing I put ground

beef in my stuffing thank you for calling me

you didn't make that remember last year me and you

both made that was it a chili we made

or something last year what the hell was that

thing with with

smoky bacon chili yeah

you know it wasn't that good

I made it for a Super Bowl

I think it was one of the first

First time that I did it.

Yeah?

Yeah.

It was good.

Except for, like, they want you to use pure maple syrup, and the bottles of that are, like, $8 or $9.

I'm like, I'm going to buy this, like, $1.50 bottle of, like, bullshit stuff from Walmart, and I'm just going to dump the whole thing in.

Yeah, sir, but here's what I found out.

I brought that up on forums that had the same recipe, and they said the problem with doing that is that it doesn't caramelize the same way.

Because that bullshit you're buying.

I know.

We did it.

You just did pancakes here.

was i was like fuck that i'm just gonna use pancake syrup because fuck that shit but it

pancake syrup is bullshit you know it's it's flavored corn corn syrup so yeah because uh

it called for like a tablespoon of pure maple syrup and i dumped like three quarters of a

bottle of just regular pancake syrup oh my god oh my god oh my god man you gotta be careful

with your arteries you know arterial sclerosis you gotta be careful for with that speaking of

Arterial sclerosis, what is that?

It's the plaque and hardening of your arteries, of your heart machine.

Yeah, you get that from eating bad things.

Here, real quick, Scary Larry donated and said,

Here goes my evening soda, Hippo PWR.

Is that what it was? Who is that?

I don't know, some guy named Scary Larry.

Thank you, Scary Larry.

He said something cryptic.

I think I just started a prank war.

Here goes my evening soda, Hippo PWM.

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

Before you, because I don't know what's happened in the last sort of two, three, four, five, six, seven years.

I have no idea what has been going on.

What has been happening and what does the future hold?

Are you doing new calls?

Are you doing new shows?

I'm doing weekly shows again now every Thursday.

Weekly shows again.

I do weekly Thursday shows.

And I'm trying to get a second podcast for my Patreon supporters only.

that's going to be like a a once or twice trying to get it to twice a month that that's going to

come out but i'm behind on it already yeah i i do i do youtube and then i have a 24 7 prank call

uh radio on shoutcast and oh wow so are you still doing like is there still such a thing as a stream

your live stream yeah like where you kick the feed you remember we used to do this

that still exists yeah they're right now yeah on winup yeah right now on on that there are 32

listeners on the shoutcast uh united shoutcast you there's a phone you can call a phone number

and listen to the show you can dial a number and you hear the you hear the shoutcast so where do

you get where do you get the most listeners now at this point oh mixler for sure it makes a lot

yeah yeah yeah how many let's see how many people are mixed so are right now according to this 218

I don't think that's accurate.

Dwight, do you think it's about half that, right?

So 109, I think so?

Yeah, it's probably about half.

Half, yeah.

It doubles it sometimes, yeah.

So 109 people plus 32 there.

And I'm also live on YouTube 24-7.

My rotation plays, the stream plays on YouTube live also.

You don't need to have shoutcast work.

You just need YouTube, which is cool because you can throw it on your TV, your smart device.

It's changed so much, man.

I'm telling you.

Yeah, right.

It used to be so hard.

You had to kick the stream, and you had five seconds.

And then if somebody else was on, you'd, like, kick them off the stream.

Yeah.

So, like, whoever was doing the rotation, you'd just kick them out.

Yeah.

It was a big pain in the ass back then.

Now, not so much.

Not so much.

How many people live on the 116 watching according to the –

I don't know how accurate that is either with YouTube.

But there's quite a bit.

That's probably just – it's a special night.

So, there's at least 100 people watching.

Thank you.

Very good.

Thank you, all you people, for watching.

Let's try to get some more of this action over here with the hotel.

What's that?

What do you got?

For when you're calling stores that are open currently,

just tell them that you couldn't find what you wanted on the shelf,

and now you're in back, and you need to know where it might be located.

If you know your party's room, dial it.

Oh, why didn't I dial this?

I dialed 116 again.

I don't think I was supposed to do that shit.

That was him.

Is it 1611?

Yeah.

I dialed 114.

oh it said fuck you let's try 115 i think they got the compliance at the front desk already

doesn't look like it i'm gonna take that break my bladder's full i got a pp

very well and it's very early for me so i'm going to uh rather than checking in later

i'm checking out earlier so i will uh i just wanted to announce myself

I'm making a return next year

good good good to hear yes everyone's

excited follow me on

Facebook and that way I can keep everybody up to date

but I might try to call into

your show if you're doing it

weekly now I'll try and

it's just very difficult this fucking hour

in the morning I know I know

buddy it's hard you're a working man just like me

I know how it is buddy alright brother

alright let's just do it everyone

thank you

Dwight you're gonna stay on Dwight

Yes, sir.

All right, so I'm going to take that break.

I'll be back in about eight, ten minutes.

When we come back, more prank calls, more Black Friday stuff, more pranksgiving.

We're just getting started.

No!

Oh, damn it!

Welcome to Omniscient.

The House Radio will be back right after this.

Yeah, Beth.

Beth's in a different country.

You've got three battles.

Benny's on half-blows.

Beth speaking.

How may I help you?

Hey, Beth.

How you doing, big girl?

Very well.

How are you?

I'm good.

order here for me you got stuff to write things down i'm gonna make an order here i'm on the

toilet i'm sorry go ahead let me know when you're ready i feel ready you're a smart ass you know

what's funny is that you're working at thanksgiving and i'm not oh oh oh so passive aggressive i'm

just go food because i know you've been missing denny's all day i don't know not really i'm

calling because the only place is open and it's godforsaken town and my wife messed up the turkey

and i kicked her out of the house oh good i'm well i'm glad you put her in her place you know

But you know what?

Maybe I'm a little upset, but all you women deserve to be working in the kitchen on Thanksgiving.

She's so lazy.

That's quite a statement, really.

What can I get for you?

Have you been cleaning good the place today?

Oh, scrubbing diligently.

Good.

And do you take care of your man also on lunch break?

Well, we don't get lunch break because that's women.

We just work straight through.

No, but you need to have a sexual break to satisfy the men with your hand or your mouth, preferably.

Not your vagina, because your vagina probably smells because you've been working all day.

On Thanksgiving.

It's sad.

Very nice.

It's sad.

When are you going to move up in the industry where you get today off?

I'm not quite sure.

Maybe next year.

Maybe next year?

Okay.

All right.

Well, I don't know where else to go with this.

Write down my order, please.

What can I get for you?

I would like, let's see here, any turkey of some sort?

What kind of turkey do you have there?

We have a turkey dinner.

Shut up.

Don't be a smartass.

Seriously, what kind of turkey do you have?

I'm not really sure what kind of turkey it is.

Do they have butter wool?

No, it's something else.

In fact, let me get somebody else to take care of you.

This better be a man, not a woman.

Okay, one second, sir.

All right.

This is Masterson's brand turkey.

How

excuse me yes hello who's this i specifically ordered that lady to put a man on the phone

not a woman i'm the manager maybe she thought you wanted the manager no i said a man i don't

speak to women on the phone well i'm sorry there are no men here well i think that's your problem

i think you're always supposed to have a man on staff who makes the decisions there at this time

actually we have men on our staff but the man that i have on staff right now wouldn't understand you

Why? Why is that? Because he's Hispanic?

No, because he doesn't hear very well.

Well, I can talk to him. I'd rather talk to a man, because, I mean, you can't make decisions.

You know, you don't have a lot of power and stuff.

I'm a manager.

But there's no woman and manager, you know?

It's like a man-ager.

Because it's like a paper title you have, basically.

I mean, they gave you the title.

If you're going to discriminate against women, then we can't help you anyways,

because Denny's does not discriminate,

and we don't encourage it in other people.

So you might want to try some other place that doesn't...

Bull crap.

In 1995, you people discriminated

against two Secret Service agents who were African-American.

Fucking bastards.

I know, they did.

You remember that?

Those two Secret Service agents that were black,

they made them wait, like, two hours for their food?

I remember that.

They had a whole big shitstorm that happened back then.

That was the famous black and brown incident.

I don't know what's black and brown we're talking about.

about 10 minutes ago guys trying to break in my truck be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com

madhouse radio will be back right after this

hey sir are you guys trying to salvage yard pardon hello you guys want to salvage yard out

there with cars yeah okay well listen my girlfriend seen took my car out there we i

I just got a divorce from my ex, and I think my car is out there.

I think she was going to put it through the crusher she was talking about.

What's going on?

Pardon?

She was going to put it through the crusher out there.

Okay.

So I just want to make sure it's not there, you know what I mean?

Because she said she was going out to Shag Nasty's and going to put it in the crusher.

You guys got, like, a magnet and a big crusher out there or something?

Maybe she's lying, but I just want to make sure.

Well, no, I have a crusher come in about a year.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

When did it come in last?

Oh, it's been a while.

What kind of car was it?

Oh, it was a Buick.

This guy off my mom, she put that goddamn thing down there.

I'll tell you what, I just want to come down there and make sure it's not there, you know.

I mean, when's the last time the Chrysler was here?

Maybe you got it in there in your lodge.

Yeah, it's been over a year.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Okay, well, that's good.

I mean, it's only been a couple weeks, but how often do you get cars in there?

Well, I get cars in there all the time.

So, I mean, you can model.

What's that?

What's your view of your model?

Listen, I know you got it.

Listen, I mean, I know you're just trying to jerk me around.

So, listen, let's get to the point.

No, no, I'm not trying to jerk you around.

I'm trying to see whether I have it or not.

I'm just, that's fine.

But, listen, I'm going to come down because I just opened a door for me.

You got a gate down there or something?

Where are you guys off of?

No, I'm not opening it tonight.

You got off of Highway 5 or where are you guys at?

We're off of Highway 2, but I'm not opening it.

Highway 2, okay.

That's close enough.

Well, listen, I'll just stop by because I really need that car.

I mean, he's, you know, I know my wife's got it down there.

Well, you'll be wasting your time because I won't let you back there tonight.

What's that?

You come around tomorrow in the daylight hours after 10.

I can't wait, John.

I've got to go to my parents because I'm late for Thanksgiving.

So I'll be right down.

My name is Richie Randall.

Well, I'm not going to let you in the backfield.

What's that?

You're going to be wasting your time because I'm not going to be opening the gate.

Well, this doesn't matter.

I'm going to get in.

I'm like my guy.

No, you're not.

Don't do that stuff.

stuff don't don't sit here and threaten me on the phone i'm not sure i'm just gonna come into my car

it's my car listen it's my goddamn car i'm gonna come get it and nobody's gonna stop me because

i'm richie randall do you know who i am who you ever heard of richie randall yeah i've heard of

you exactly so i'm coming down to my car hear me any i'm not gonna no it doesn't matter i'm just

trying to say that i got connections with the mayor i don't give a damn what connections you

you have i know it's street super i'm trying to be nice to you now now you're starting to piss me

off well listen i don't have time for this i need my buick and i'm going to my mommy's house and

nobody's gonna stop me i'm gonna be right down here and i'm not trying to get violent i'm not

what was your name again richie i'm a musician and i don't get violent what was your name again

do you have a junkyard dog in there because my name is richie randall again what was your name

Ritchie Randall.

God damn it.

Ritchie Randall.

And I'll be right down here, and we're going to get my Buick, and I'll pay you $100, and that's final.

There's nothing going to happen.

All right, well, whatever.

Then we'll have a problem.

Well, that's fine.

We'll have a problem.

I'm going to jump the gate or something.

I mean, I got to...

You better not have no junkyard dog.

I'll sue you.

My daddy's a lawyer.

Well...

You better open that goddamn door.

You better be worried about me.

Well, I'll tell you what.

I ain't worried about nothing, because I got a can of mace, and if you come after me,

I'll make it, and I'm going to run in the gate.

I'm going to get my car, and I'm going to bust you in the gate

because nobody's stopping me.

I'm going home.

That's good.

He's like, don't get what he's saying.

Don't get rude to me.

He's like, you heard it.

Richie must be famous.

Yeah, he knows you, too.

He's like, yeah, I know you.

Yeah, all right.

Hey, what's going on?

This is the Goldfinch.

And toll-free at 1-888-278-8509.

You know what? I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trapdoor at the bottom.

So when you die, you open that trapdoor at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman. You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

Happy Thanksgiving.

However you say it in the country you're from.

I'm here with Dwight McCranky Pants.

How you doing, Big Dwight?

Oh, I didn't wipe my ass during the break.

Oh, man, you're going to get the butt itch.

That's not good

Your booty will itch

You know how when you don't wipe your ass right

Let's do some more prank calls

Let's call some more hotels

And then we gotta call some stores

The prank line is open

405-396-6884

Homer is joining me now

Homer is here

Thank you for calling Zion's Motel

Put the room number

1 plus the room number

You are being transferred to

Hey homie

You are being transferred to two.

Hey, dude.

Aw.

Enter another extension now.

All right, let's listen again to what it is.

Without the music playing, let's get the instructions right here.

Come on.

We can do this.

You are being transferred to a guest.

Uh-huh.

You are being transferred to the operator.

Oh, no.

Not the operator.

She's a bitch.

You ever dial this one?

I think I've heard you do this.

Oh, Zion?

Yeah.

usually after a while they shut the uh the dialing system down yeah well you get through to people

there right yeah you are being transferred to a guest a guest uh dragon mer did send me

something with numbers hello room 116 hi room 116 this is cross i'm at the front desk

okay did you is there some kind of problem over here that we have a lot of noise complaints coming

No, I haven't. There's nobody in here but me.

How did you have noise complaints?

When was the last time you flushed the toilet?

I flushed the toilet like over an hour ago.

Okay, is there a reason why you had to flush it again like that?

Because it came up here on the computer.

It's reporting you for excessive use of the toilet.

No, it's running on its own. I'm not doing anything.

It's like, it keeps making its own sound.

Okay, yeah, well, you're wasting water.

Did you break it or something?

No, I didn't do anything to it.

it all right i gotta because i have to print off a report now and get your statement on this because

there's going to be a charge on your room i didn't do anything to it though okay did you try

because this now i mean did you like try to flush down like a sanitary napkin like a tampon or

something oh it was just it keeps making that noise you know that sound yeah that's all it

keeps doing okay like it was like that since i came in here all right well i'm watching on the

the computer now can you flush it let's see if we can fix this can you give it a good flush

while i'm holding okay i'm gonna i'm gonna put the phone down just for a second and go flush okay

okay thank you okay i flushed it okay all right is the water warm or cold that's going through it

cold are you sure can you check it please oh gross yeah i will no i need you to back or listen all

right all right so look we can fix this really straight if if you can please just no don't

flush any more condoms or any sanitary napkins down the toilet anymore please okay because i

I know that you're doing that.

No, I really haven't.

I promise.

It keeps making a shh sound.

Yeah.

Oh, you know what?

Here's the sound.

You're getting a $59 toilet retrieval fee.

Hello, sir?

Yeah.

Do you hear it?

I have a complaint.

I'm in room 117.

Okay.

The lady, the person next door to me continues to flush their toilet like every two to three seconds.

And they're making more long and loud defecating sounds.

Sir, I'm on the line with her now.

It's doing it by itself.

She says, sir, is your toilet flushing by itself?

No, because I'm using it properly.

Did you hear it?

I'm sorry?

Did you hear it?

It's doing it by itself.

Oh, goodness.

All right.

It was like that, and I told you yesterday.

I told you when I came in, it's been doing it all day.

Okay.

Did you take a big shit in there or something?

How big is the shit that you took?

I didn't.

you didn't take a shit no are you saving the shit or something what's going on because if you take

if you save the shit take a big shit later it's gonna make the toilet worse

i was gonna chime in and say that i saw her she asked me to help her carry a 25 pound bag

of cement in there yesterday and she dumped it in

nash me sure that she's high he's high she's high she's high nash me i'm gonna drop nash been

here simply wants to join i don't know if he can or not he might be with his wife porking her you

know it's good to see lonesome loser man lonesome in the house been a long time hello thank you for

dying you are being transferred to she's sounding pretty beat up about it's like no i'm sorry no

i'm not she's probably high on drugs hey nashby what's up thank you for calling how do you know

What do you know about these dirty cartels, Mashby?

They're right by my house.

You are being transferred to 1-8.

No!

I did an extra number in that.

Is this where you met Air Force Amy?

No, I met her in Nevada.

Okay.

You are being transferred to a guest.

There we go.

Wait, was 1-18 the chick, or was she 1-16?

16, I think.

Okay.

You are being transferred to the operator.

later so uh mr cross if i may ask uh so are you confirmed for meetup in march i'm 90 it should i

i'm gonna book my flight when patreon money hits and uh like i think i'll be getting up this month

next weekend of the month yeah oh yeah because they hit they charge on the first thing like you

see the money on the fifth so yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm gonna be booking the flight

and then after that i gotta book the airbnb i gotta get you the wherever the money yeah we

just have a deadline of march 27th march february 27th to uh pay the foreigner his second hand oh

that's fine definitely can do that nashby you said you can't make it now right it's my anniversary

that weekend oh come on bring her to life yeah bring her on out fucking get you guys a fucking

hotel room have sex with her and then we'll send a chicken chicken loose in there buddy

dude i'm still in trouble for that sorry dude my bad my fault sorry

yeah it was uh it was funny like carly was like yeah yeah i recommended the place for him to stay

i'm like dude i've got his name somewhere hang on i like what found an envelope all right let's go

let's call her yeah and sure as shit as they showed up with a duck and a broom at three in

in the morning from a violent animal well i don't think you said it was a chicken and i think

well i i figured if they came asking about chicken you're gonna know it was us so i said

i did tell you the next one i was like hey man i'm sorry i hope i didn't fuck you you're like

dude i was in the middle i was mid thrust in the life and now i'm out in the doghouse there

my bad and nashby asked me about it like after you'd already confessed i'm like i don't know

what you're talking about well it's just what are the odds housekeeping is show up by to pick

up an animal at three o'clock in the morning hey man i was gonna be there it's puerto rico

this shit happens basically that's why yeah it's fucking that's the way puerto rico is

hey we got numbers here that are supposed to be dialed right through to the room

you know um or how about before we do that this came from dragon mirror i'm going to put those

on hold lonesome losers getting some uk numbers good i'm looking forward to that my man lonesome

losers good to have him back and in the meantime how about we call some stores eh let me get my

store list back sure you have any uh dwight thanks for having me on carlito sure buddy thanks for

sending in that number uh target you know the thing with target they get super busy and all

All you get to do is insult the front desk.

If you're into that, Dwight, what do you think?

I don't know.

Yeah, I'll talk to him.

Do you want to give a target?

I'll see what the big thing at Target is.

Okay.

So they're about to close on the East Coast, so maybe it's not as hectic.

Let me get one real quick.

Okay.

If I could learn how to use computers.

One moment, please.

Oh, I got an exciting bit of music here.

it's um like this this this band did covers of um mf doom beats it's like a live jazz band that

does it so i'm about to play that here in a second as soon as they get this triangulated target and

should have had these ready i apologize okay do i if you're curious these are in west virginia

okay good all right and away here we go fucking scienta was on for like an entire hour thank you

Hours have changed for the holidays.

To view specific holiday hours, please go to Target.com or the Target app.

This Target location is now closed.

Oh, man.

I haven't had a good word that they were open until 1.

Kohl's is open.

Dwight, we can do that.

All right.

Okay.

The Kohl's are open.

They're not closing at all.

Welcome to Kohl's.

We are now open.

And for your convenience, we are open all night tonight.

To speak with the Department of Postage, Jewelry, and Beauty, press 7.

To replay this, please hold for jewelry and beauty.

Jewelry's been the best bet tonight to get through to, so here we are.

We're almost three hours in to prank skip.

21 hours left of live shows.

Have you heard from Green Bees?

I mean, he said he was going to start, right?

I think he may be working right now.

I'm not sure.

Can't confirm.

Hello, Jewelry?

Hello.

Hi, you must speak to Mr. Scott.

Mr. Scott, go ahead.

Yes, hello?

I'm sorry.

Hello?

Yes.

Yes. I'm trying to locate an item.

I'm currently in the store, but I'm having a heck of a problem getting over to the jewelry.

Do you have the sterling silver half carat?

The carat? It's a bracelet?

You know, the style part. Is it the one in the paper?

Yeah, it's $69.99. It's a carat.

Yeah, hold on one second.

Okay.

Sir?

Yes.

Okay, so we have the ones for $69.99.

They're a fourth carrier.

Yeah, the Carat.

See, I have a problem.

I came by the jewelry case once on my way through because I had to go to bedding,

and I couldn't seem to see it in the case.

So now I'm in the back of the store where all the stock is.

Do you know where I would probably find that at?

Okay, where are you?

I'm in the back where all the stock is.

I walk through the doors and into the back.

You said employees only, but I don't think that applies to Black Friday.

where would i find this uh item in the back hold on one second oh i won't oh probably don't get

breaking something okay glass or yeah can i head to the jewelry counter uh oh my god i just had a

box fall on me oh jesus christ oh oh yeah she's gone uh i can hear her in the background

damage oh a uk number all right lonesome loser thank god he's back lonesome come on come back

i'm back every thursday man and i don't know how to get a hold of you come back man just don't

help me out everyone you can don't be a once a year a guy okay sir forget how to see how i format

these oh that's right i got a website that auto formats and hang on just just small folks sorry

I know mumbling give me a second national dialing area code rule machines. Okay mark either. Come on

This recently forget the dialing rules. I know I can make this work

Thanks everyone for patience. I'll figure it out. I swear to God. I got it like on the third try last time

It's a combination of 0 1 1 and 4 4 and stuff like that

I'm no good at this with a plus without I can't figure it out once a loser. I'm sorry, man

Let me see how Nunu sends them.

Let me look at Nunu's format because those seem to work for me.

See, okay, that was one that Nunu sent me last week.

I'm going to send the example to Lonesome.

I got to figure it out.

All right, Lonesome, so this one from Nunu works.

Okay.

Then we look at it and analyze it.

Aha, okay, okay.

See, but when I try yours, Lonesome, they come up as forbidden.

Not sure why.

Although they don't seem to be.

Send me a different one.

that still forbidden don't understand confusing all right i'm gonna let him analyze the data

and i'm gonna have to move on these are the sunrise apartments in guam let's see if this

is funny dwight are you still here did i lose you guys on skype good you're good good good

nashby's here too they seem to be missing a digit nunu uh lonesome they were a digit

shorter than what nunu says i think they're missing one two one it's one two two no family

I'm an investment, I'm speaking.

Is this Sunrise Apartments?

No, I'm an investment.

Okay, do you have apartments available?

How many bedrooms, sir?

Well, I'm looking for like one bed for two men.

Yeah, we have in Sunrise Apartments.

Okay, and there's no problem if it's two men in one bed in one room?

Two bedrooms in one bed.

Okay, all right.

But the man can share with the other man in one bed?

You're not going to get upset if I kiss the man and touch him and smell him?

what's included what's included not included any of it only the one bedroom included the power and

water but not the two bedrooms okay so but all the water in the one bedroom that's what i want

so i get free water it comes included no we don't have that what has power and water you just kind

said something that has power and water please tell me one bedroom okay okay so that's the one

i want the one bedroom and it has water and power okay i want the one bedroom

no i said god damn it i'm sorry god damn it because i'm trying to explain it to you and

you're stuck on two bedrooms i'm telling you no i want one bedroom what happened

Sir, you're the one who told me that you're looking for a two-bedroom.

Okay, but that changed.

Okay, and then when you were asking me about the power and water, it's not included.

Only the one-bedroom is included.

Okay, forget that I said two-bedroom.

Now it's one-bedroom, okay?

I'm going to sleep in the bed with one bed, one room.

Yeah, because if you're going to cuss, I'm not going to help you.

I'm not cussing.

I'm not.

You just did.

What?

The God, you know, that one?

one that's not that big of a deal that one okay don't get so mad i'm sorry god bless you i'm sorry

i love you i'm gonna fuck you bye go i'm perverted i think i took number i'm perverted i'm perverted

i do perverted things i fart in my hand and i smell it i like the smell i like the smell of

fart jesus oh damn hurry hello okay i'm gonna try a lonesome loser number again let's see if

if this one works still forbidden still says forbidden one let me look i'm counting digits

one two three four five six seven eight nine ten two three five six seven eight nine two three four

five six seven eight nine ten yeah i don't know the lonesome loser try to find ones to start with

one two one four four one two one instead of one two two because the one two twos don't seem to

want to go see watch i'll try this i'm going to try this uh one two one now i don't know what

what the difference is maybe because they're cell phones see because this one works starts with one

two one is that terrence mogg yeah okay yeah we need you to check your uh your bathroom i'm calling

from the united water administration i don't believe you goodbye sir your toilet could be in

trouble oh good all right so that that worked though good look at that that's the guy who didn't

even answer last time last week and there he is answering like a fool i'm gonna change one of

lonesomes to one two one i'm gonna test this theory it's connecting it's connecting if it

starts with one two one it works it starts with one two two it not works yeah international call

cannot be completed as dial no fucking i think it's just a bad number but yeah it actually let

me dial it out there great and that one didn't work that's it for bed beautiful national call

cannot be completed as dial i don't know uh so we did the apartments here's rudy's windshield

windshield guy i think it's a string he does windshields yeah his name is rudy fucking movie

right it's a little like we're gonna get rudy at that number however i have a second one here it

is this is the second number is that rudy yes hey rudy you do windshields okay uh windshield repair

or just tinting just the uh glass replacement the glass replacement do you do it under insurance

insurance uh it's a major one okay uh what do you need i've done i'll just pay cash i'll just

pay cash you know okay so i'm happy okay yeah i need windshields for the front the front of the

car you know you know where it goes in the front of the car where the dash is the windshield goes

is there yeah okay yeah uh it's uh 88 escort 88 ford escort 88 ford i punched uh i uh i punched

uh i punched a woman okay and she went flying and she went through the car windshield okay i don't

have that model what do you have maybe we can make maybe we can resize it or something do you

You have to use a hair dryer, right, and make it smaller?

I'm sorry, make what smaller?

The windshield, the glass.

Oh, no, these are all cut back for vehicle.

We can cut it.

We cut it, you know, and we put some glue.

Cut it?

Cut the glass?

Yeah, with laser, lasers.

No, yeah, we don't offer that.

No, I have a laser.

I have a laser.

I pull out my penis, and I have a laser attached to it.

It's a red dot.

It goes like that.

Oh, that's cool.

i used it to break into bank vaults you know i just pull up my pecker and i shoot at the bank

vault door my pecker pecker you know pecker yeah stupid what do you think there dwight what do you

say uh feces good good point so detroit huh yeah yeah lost to a fucking backup quarterback

hadn't started in four years great look like goddamn all-star out there because they're so

stupid i'm sorry but they were winning that game and i i sent you a message because they went for

For two at a stupid moment.

Not that it mattered anyway.

I don't know.

Hello?

Oh, God damn it.

The Bears went for two at a more retarded moment.

Yeah, fucking Bears.

Let's go to touchdown.

Let's go for two.

Well, they did it first.

I think the Bears did it first, right?

The Bears did it first.

Yeah.

The Lions at least waited until the second half to do it.

I don't know.

They were just trying to one-up each other.

Weird.

Copy Express.

That's where they copy stuff.

Here we go.

I'm really sorry, Lonesome, that that number was...

The computer is fucking up.

Thank you for calling Coffee Express.

If you know your party's extension, please dial it now.

Okay.

For large format, press 3.

For stamps and seals, press 5.

Yeah, do you guys do large format?

Yes, sir, we do.

Okay, how large?

Because I need to make a sign to shame my wife that I caught cheating on me.

I see.

see um we do have a poster machine or are you looking for a banner well i'm looking for something

that's going to be weatherproof it's going to go outside of her business i see uh the largest we

can do is up to five feet any any other length from there is that vinyl or what will it be on

it'll be a waterproof vinyl banner yes sir okay waterproof vinyl and five feet than any other

length from there i guess okay both two sides single-sided sir single-sided um if you guys

want you guys can put maybe here's what i think all right so i want the front the front of it i

want i want you guys to print hey sheila i know you're cheating on me you fucking whore do you

have any problems with putting the f word not so much it's your purchase sir just so you know it's

a 50 land on top okay that's fine no i want to really shame her really bad you know all right

now if you guys want on the other side because she had she works at a very busy business they

They get a lot of foot traffic there.

If you guys cut me a deal, like a little discount, maybe a 10% discount,

you guys can put Copy Express and your phone number and address on the other side?

No, sir.

I don't think we would be able to put our own logo on that one.

Well, not the logo, but just say this banner created by Copy Express.

If you're interested, call and have the phone number.

That one I'll have to bring up with my boss.

Okay.

Because it would be good for you guys.

The one side would be to shame her, like, hey, you fucking slut.

And then the other side is like, hey, copy express.

Copy express with an exclamation point.

And then your phone number.

It would be considered, sir.

Okay.

If anything, sir, this seems to be an off-island call.

No, I'm from off-island.

I'm stationed here, sir.

I haven't been here that long.

I see.

Yeah.

Okay, okay.

Let me see.

see so it looks like do you know how large of a banner are you looking to have done large as you

can i want to really shame her i said well you said it was five foot five foot then uh i need

the other dimension sir the other dimension yes sir the it could be five foot in width or five

foot in height then i need to know the opposite dimension uh wide or the width or height all right

five foot wide three foot high three by five okay three by five five by three whatever okay and then

And I have, she had like a surgery a couple of years ago and they took x-rays of her pelvis.

They took an MRI of like her pelvis and her, like her private parts.

I'd like to put that up there.

It's not nudity, but it's an actual like, it's an actual scan of her cervix and her

vagina area.

I see, sir.

Okay.

If anything, you're welcome to bring this stuff in and then we can have a better discussion

about this.

Okay.

All right.

Because I don't, you know, you're really giving me a hard time here.

All right.

You're not taking this seriously.

This is serious.

I'm just taking all matters into account.

But then, yes, we cannot start the order without having the deposit made.

Yeah.

Well, I'm trying to get information.

God damn it, you know?

Fucking shit, you know?

You know what fucking shit means?

You know what that means, fucking shit, when someone says fucking shit?

Yes, sir.

Yeah, well, fucking shit to you, okay?

I'm sorry about that, sir.

You know what I mean by the fucking shit, though, right?

I'm just so fucking shit angry right now.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're a nice guy, though.

I like that.

You're willing to help me and talk.

Hello?

Yeah, hi, Miss Windsor.

Oh, who's that?

Mr. Windsor.

Who's that?

Hi.

Who's that?

This is Valente.

Who's that?

Me, Valente.

Who's that?

Valente.

Who are you talking about?

You?

Who are you talking about?

I'll join you with this number again, eh?

Are you a monkey or something?

Jesus Christ.

Right, what about her?

Great lady.

What do you think about that, coconut head?

Hello?

Yes, sir.

Yeah, what are you?

What's your ethnicity?

Are you Chamorro?

or what are you filipino sir filipino oh that's disgusting you know i'm sorry that you feel that

way you know what is peck peck yes sir yeah do you like peck i like peck peck i like to do it

you know it feels good all right sir yeah when's the last time you had anything when's the last

time you had peck peck sir i'm not of uh i'm not of a freedom of discussing this since there's

women and children here yeah but i like girls i love girls you know i love how they uh kissing

Kissing girls, you know, and touching them and smelling their hair.

Well, it's nice of me that you need time to think about this.

Yeah.

We have a line of customers to cover some jobs with.

So, again, do feel free to come by.

Okay.

I can't wait to come by.

We'll talk about girls, right, and Peck Peck.

We'll have sex stories to talk about.

I have a few good funny, not funny, but really good sex stories, you know.

Well, I'm going to have to ask you to not bring that up in the dispatchment.

But when me and you talking in private, when we're talking private separately, you know,

like I'll give you a good sex story and then you give me a good sex story, okay?

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

Do what now?

You said you had, I mean, you're busy?

You got to go?

You can go if you want to go, honey.

All right.

Bye.

All right.

Bye, motherfucker.

Who's that?

Lonesome, your number worked.

It worked with 127.

So for some reason, 122, no working.

We have learned a valuable lesson.

They're not answering again.

God damn it.

on copy express what do you think yeah let's check out of cole's let's get silly goofy happy

man i hope i'm not getting sick i feel a bit of a sick by the way the mouth line is open 405-396-6884

405-396-6884 welcome to cole's day from midnight until midnight press seven i wasn't paying attention

transferring please hold thank you for calling cole's this is stephanie how can i help you

Hey, Big Steph. How are you?

I'm good.

Good, good. How's the heat over there? How are things?

It's a little crazy.

Okay. Do you have clothes or clothing for fat girls?

For plus size, yes, we do.

Well, I got to get it for the fat girl in accounting.

I got her in the office pool for Christmas, Secret Santa.

Well, I don't know. I don't even know her name.

I think her name is like something with an A and like a fat.

It's like a fat girl name.

you know abby annie something like that you know you know you know fat girl names

so is there like a fat department there there is a plus size department we don't call it that though

okay is there like a separate fat woman there that answers the phone no what do you need help

with well i'm trying to find something nice for her to wear you know why don't you just get her

a gift card no it's got to be something we're not they specifically said no gift cards for this

well if she's a bigger size woman lane bryant which is a store uh someone's around here yeah

caters to women maybe something like maybe something like a scarf you know maybe a scarf

yeah you can do that but i was if she might i was thinking though she might eat it because it's

gonna be so close to her oh my gosh this has got to be a joke because i was really worried as she

She'd start eating the scarf, and it's really long.

You know, she might choke on it.

I can't wait for that.

Huh?

Why don't you just get her some perfume or some lotion?

It's not going to help.

Like, let's be real, you know?

It's not going to do anything for her.

She smells, you know?

She can't wipe herself right or anything like that.

Oh, my gosh.

You've got to be kidding.

No, she can't.

Like, when she goes to the bathroom, the women here are all saying that she can't,

that they hear her struggling when she has to wipe.

She uses a stick.

I guess she brings a ruler with her, and she wraps the toilet paper around the end of it,

and that's what she uses.

And she confided in Betty, who's one of the receptionists.

She said that her sister usually helps her clean up back there at home.

She uses a towel to clean her, like a hand towel in the shower.

Yeah, yeah, she's really big, like really big, big, like 500-something.

So where are you going to get her?

I don't know.

No, what are you, I mean, how big a girl are you?

Me?

Yeah.

I'm 130 pounds.

And you're how tall?

5'5".

Yeah, you could lose a little bit, you know.

You could, you could.

No, I couldn't.

I'm good.

You could, you could.

I'm good.

I haven't liked it.

I got tape, I can sell you a tapeworm.

Oh my gosh.

Yeah, I got, I can get you a tapeworm.

Besides prank calling calls?

Hmm?

You mean anything important besides prank calling calls?

No, I just really was just to make sure you have plus-size fat girl clothes.

That's great.

That's good.

I can't with you tonight.

I hope you have a wonderful night.

All right, honey.

I think there's this attraction between me and you, the way you talk, you know?

Oh, my God.

I got to go.

There is.

Come on.

I'm going to come by, all right?

No, I'm married.

Bye.

I'm hanging out.

So that's cool.

That's cool.

She was so embarrassed for that fat bitch at the office.

Oh, my God.

She's having a good time.

Good for her.

Don't forget.

uh it's it's thanksgiving overeaters runs marathons oh thank you i brought that up

thursday good last week thursday yeah uh can you search for that right can you get me a see

yeah did they have one that goes around the whole time yeah yeah all right lonesome uh is is still

no you know it's look calling you i can't talk it's still no new numbers from lonesome let me

look up new news numbers from last week because one of them answered earlier perhaps someone will

answer again m-o-g-g what a last name is that what a country that is tv my tv's stuck on nbc

i don't watch this shit i don't care for jimmy fallon and i don't care for uh seth whatever his

name is it's on that he got real old mouth flying caller you're on the air yo what's up

hey thanks for calling yeah yeah yeah dwight say hi there's a caller hello

i just want to say i love you guys oh thanks we love you guys too thanks we're big fans

Happy Thanksgiving.

Oh, okay.

How many turkeys did you eat?

Two whole turkeys, I think.

Nice.

Good, good.

What's your favorite, white meat or dark meat?

I like the blue meat mostly.

All right.

I hate you.

Bye.

Okay, bye.

I love you.

I'll bite you.

I love you, too.

He's lucky he's leaving because I was going to bite him.

There's the link for Overeaters in the Skype.

Thanks for calling, caller.

I feel I was just being silly.

I love you guys.

I'm a big fan of you guys.

Thank you, Dwight McClanahan.

Hello.

Call can't be taken at the moment.

Sir, please.

Sir.

Okie dokie.

I'm going to go with the first one on the list.

Fuck it.

Let's do it.

Open or closed?

Closed.

I want an open one, right?

Hello, caller.

You're on the air.

Make it quick.

Howdy, howdy.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Hey, thanks.

Thanks for wishing us and the same to you and your people.

That's all I got to say.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Love you.

Peace.

God damn it.

See you.

All right, caller.

Thank you.

Welcome.

Welcome. This service is provided by FreeConferenceCall.com.

Please enter your access code followed by the pound or hash sign.

All right, here goes Norton.

Where's the code here?

If you are the moderator, please press 1.

Otherwise, please hold and be placed into the conference.

There are currently 46 other participants in the conference.

I know very well I'll have to get used to walking in the apartment building

you know very long always in the extreme and i can't very well go on a day that we're very tired

please text blah blah blah with name and cell number for access code that's what it is they're

starting to get it you'd have to see the halls to know what i mean it's like walking in the hospital

Then I said, start six, I think.

I am working.

Please press one to mute or unmute.

You are now unmuted.

Hopefully, thanks to God's help, it will be permanent.

I have kidney disease, and caffeine hurts the kidneys.

Go third stage.

That's a lie.

Four stages die out.

I don't want it.

I want to get rid of the type 2 diabetes, which can be done.

Not everybody can, but I got it the most common way.

And once I get off the caffeine, I also want to get off the diabetic meds that force me to eat.

They're my structures, and I know very well they are.

But when I mess up on the food or don't do enough stress management,

Come on, lick the turkey.

caffeine also raises blood pressure.

It helps attention disorder, which I have, that can make me more anxious, and when that

moment, up goes the glucose again.

I studied a little bit more about addictive addiction.

What makes the trend is when a person...

Please press 1 to mute.

You are now unmuted.

you have been kicked from this conference went out that time all right oh man they knew pretty

quick they're on it now man yeah look at that you gotta like you gotta text

it's you know who was doing pranks to these fucking lines mr originality sorry that conference

The conference number was not recognized.

Please re-enter your conference number, followed by the pound sign.

Please hold to be placed into the conference.

There are currently 46 other participants in the conference.

And keep track of the moods.

Write down my foods.

I'm going towards being off.

Please press 1 to mute or you are now unmuted.

As well, if you have to take a break, it would be me.

Take this meat.

But if you know a healthier way.

Give me some giblets.

That's what I'm doing.

Good luck, everybody.

You have been kicked from the conference.

We're going to have to bounce with them.

Give them a little bit of that mute up.

Yeah.

So they can't get us.

I'm passing on some sex and it's anonymous as well.

All right.

There's a different one on here, but it's an international number.

I can try to dial it.

Let's see how expensive it is.

Dude, I got YouTube money now.

Stand by, everyone.

Let's see if we can get this international band out.

Music, please.

Milkman.

Thank you.

Hey, I tried to get Milkman on the show tonight,

and he won't respond to my text or my phone calls.

I don't know what to tell you, man.

Yeah, that's what I was going to ask, Carlito.

He won't talk to me.

He ain't playing games.

I'm trying.

If anyone knows how to get a hold of him, please tell him it's urgent.

Tell him I'm dying.

We'll see if he's out of face.

Maybe we should just call his cell phone tonight.

night fucking motherfucker you you're never gonna no we'll never be on a show again motherfucker no

no diabetes motherfucker all right this number's not even picking up i don't know who i'm calling

probably like antarctica and shit stop it uh let's try this different line here here's a different

one if

you are the moderator please press one otherwise please hold to be placed into the

conference empty no one there there's two of them there all right i will grab these from you just a

a moment welcome to free conference please enter your access code all right i'm gonna change the

caller id and we'll call the first one again hey mr cross you know what you know what's a stupid

game red dead redemption this no this new pokemon thing that's out fuck a pokemon oh fuck anything

on the switch man yeah yeah it goes for you catastrophe and mad hatter fuck the switch

yeah fuck that switch machine man fuck those games fuck stupid when you play the switch that

That means you switched genders, so now Catastrophe is a man and Mad Hatter is a woman.

Yeah.

There's a National Substance Abuse hotline right there.

You can call us on which substances you're on.

You may enter the conference number.

I'll sniff Andrano.

I want turkey.

I'll baste my turkey Andrano.

You are the moderator.

There are currently 42 other participants in the conference.

Oh, 42, but let's get the sound.

Oh, they locked it down, too.

They locked the other one down now.

Did you change caller IDs?

Yeah.

That's what you called last?

Yeah, I did.

I did, I did.

Yeah, it was completely random.

Oh, they killed the entire meeting.

I guess so, yeah.

Well, there's going to be some depressed people overeating tonight.

Fuck, right?

I haven't heard out of Greenby either.

Like, he better show up.

Yeah.

I better not be doing some late motherfucking show because he didn't show up.

He promised, he promised.

He said he was down.

I mean, unless he got some lady to, like, baste his dick on Thanksgiving, you could really blame him.

Yeah, but still, man, why do that to us?

Why?

If it happens, I'll pick the slaughter.

so two hour slots not that bad still all right yeah three to three to five i can i can handle

that and then go to sleep for a bit how was your dinner by the way like what is it i know you said

it was fucking white people dinner but it is you know it was all right it was all right typical

white people like did you do macaroni and cheese oh wait that's black people thanks you know there

was there was macaroni and cheese for the kids and i had some i don't care i was like i'm gonna

to have some and i ate it we uh my mom orders these uh sides from qvc they're made by saint

claire and i'll tell you they're pretty good they're pretty decent um and for the price they're

not bad uh but they come it comes with like five or six different sides they have like a pecan like

pre-lean no you know it's like yeah liams and top the pecans and uh they do a mac and cheese

oh uh i forget what there was a couple other ones but then we made like baked beans mashed

mashed potatoes i made the turkey i had stuffing i had dressing that i made then we did uh a quarter

ham a kentucky legend ham that we warmed up yeah and uh how was it corn corn too yeah yeah it was

good a lot of uh leftover i cooked the turkey for the first time this year call her on the air

talking shit about the pokemon oh it's a catastrophe oh yeah she he she is that shit

it i'm gonna take my pokeballs in the meetup and shove it right up your ass oh my god document

this number we're gonna print color later yeah i saw i saw i saw twitch footage of that game and i

was like it's pretty i don't know man it came but it's the same thing this is the freaking

the same thing but they have a controller now that's a pokeball that actually connects with

the fucking pokemon go game she got she got a double sold she got sold on the pokemon go

So you paid the extra

for the get the Pokeball thing and all that?

I didn't. Matt did. It was a birthday gift.

It's another Rob the Robot.

Another Rob the Robot. Just another piece of crap.

Yeah, didn't they have one?

Isn't there a Star Fox game that came out that has

a stupid R-Wing

that flies around and shit?

I've never been a fan of Star Fox,

to be honest.

I don't know what Nintendo's doing.

I don't understand.

I don't understand what they're trying to do,

where they're headed.

like they've got this portable system

that's not portable which is cool okay get it

but then they're still running a version of the

DS aren't they still running with it

at the same time

it's fucking portable but it's not portable

I'll put you on speaker so Matt can hear you

hey big man

oh hang on he's going to start yelling about Rocket League

in two seconds

I'm calling her Coles

Coles I said

Greenby has confirmed his presence

yeah Greenby

thank god

We are open today from midnight until midnight.

To speak with the Department of Social Security, press 3.

For directions to the store, press 4.

Oh, come on, Mouse.

Stop it, Mouse.

I need you.

For all other questions, press 6.

To replay this message, press 7.

Yeah, this album is dedicated to all the people that told me I never amount tonight.

To all the people that lived above the buildings that I was hustling from that called the police on me.

For shoes, press 3.

Housewares, press 4.

Bedding and bath, press 5.

Clothing, press 6.

Jewelry and beauty, press 7.

I heard the Butthole Bandits

shitting some of them shoes at Kohl's.

Oh, man.

What's up with you and jewelry?

It's the easiest one to get

through to tonight.

I've got voicemails out the Mizzou.

A lot of people have been trying to...

I'm going to let you go.

Okay.

But, uh, Pokemon is awesome

and fuck yourself Dwight

yeah fuck yourself Dwight

see you later bye

bye bye

yeah

yeah right yeah what are you into

like uh the movie gladiator

yeah

yeah man hell yeah

alright cool we gotta check in with

the dead tonight the dead

the dead's going through some dark shit man

oh really yeah yeah

let's not mess with the dead

but uh when I tried to add him it said

That he wasn't online.

Shit.

And just a note for Catastrophe.

You keep talking shit and Carlito's going to punch you in the uterus at the meet-up.

I'm not punching you in the uterus.

No.

The caller has a question for Dwight.

Go ahead, caller.

Oh, yeah, go.

Hey, did you get any good recipes for that turkey last night, asshole?

Did I get a good recipe?

Yeah.

Yeah, you said you were making, like, diet turkey or some shit.

I wasn't making no diet turkey.

I was making fat turkey.

I was looking for, like, a seasoning to put on top of the turkey.

Oh, yeah.

No, you can't go.

I mean, turkey's good on its own anyway.

It's not very fattening.

It's been dry, though.

I ate ham.

Which was surprising because I had to cook it like an extra half an hour than what I was supposed to.

And I think it's because I put vegetables on the bottom of it.

Okay.

Yeah, you said you were going to let your turkey rest on the vegetables.

I don't understand.

Well, you build like a bed to keep it off of the pan.

And I'm pretty sure that's why the breast was able to stay moist

Because with the extra vegetables

It introduced more moisture into the cooking bag I had

Yeah, you gotta learn how to brine, man

You gotta learn to brine

I was gonna do it

I had looked and found some shit

And then it was just too close

If I had thought about it with more time

Well, yeah, you gotta do it the day before

You gotta start

That's how my mom taught me to do that

She used to clean out the sink really, really good

And then she would brine it in there

or she put a bunch of adobo

and garlic and lemon

and I've got her like a cooler

like a hard cool like it's right next to you

one of those like I could have put it in there

that too that works

put out a garbage bag and wine it

celery salt motherfucker

that's what you gotta use

put that celery salt in that

motherfucker and fry it

right in its ass

yeah

we are open today

from midnight until

Let's not do that

Let's pick another area to start calling Kohl's at

Here we go

Caller, so how was your Thanksgiving?

Did you have a healthy turkey yourself?

I had a ham, it was pretty good

No family came over, thank God

We didn't want them to, it was just us

And it was great, it was the best thing to do

Fuck them, right?

Fuck them, start coming over to proms

And the Republican talking shit

they never bring anything they just want to eat all of your food yeah bring like they always bring

like their k-mages you so you're like in the other room like god damn it he's autistic

isn't that the worst like when a family member brings somebody like a new boyfriend

or somebody like that that wasn't invited it's like okay asshole oh my god i've been

if you're if you're less than i'd say six months into a relationship

the invitation to the holidays is not worth it i get to think how long i think it was at least a

year no it was like nine months it was on the borderline it was still kind of early but and

then it's one thing if you know they're coming hold but it's another when they just fucking

drop this person on you when they walk through the door dude the best part is my ex stephanie's

family, and her racist

granddad was there.

I don't know if he didn't know that I

was Puerto Rican or what, but

he was the kind of guy,

that guy, I mean, nice guy, but

he was a World War II vet,

and he called black people the N-word,

and that's just how he, I mean, he was from the South,

he was from Florida, like, since

he was born in the 30s, and they were

the N-words.

This is going to keep transferring.

You know what I was thinking?

he told me some crazy story he's like oh tell you the story it was something that he he was

driving it was like in the in the in the 40s it was after he got back from world war ii and it

was in florida and he was driving and his car broke down and he had to hitchhike to get home

to his wife and and he's like it's so like this car of niggers came and picked me up and i'm like

like oh my god and he goes so i told the niggers i'm sorry guys this is what he said he's like i

told the n words that i did they know the the n words told me that they give me right but i had

to drive and they're all cocky about it and i'm like okay so they made me drive and then on my

way out i saw a quarter on the floor of the car and i took it i'm like okay that was the story

like yeah all right i was like i saw the corner and i took it

wow you know what i was thinking carlito is uh live pd is on tomorrow do you imagine the video

they're gonna have from like fucking black friday going to break it out fights and in different

places like walmart yeah right i think so yeah that'd be cool to have people like you know

you know fighting and all that but that doesn't happen anymore the walmart doesn't do the midnight

that thing anymore, because

people were dying, man.

Yeah, they were piling up at the door.

It would be better to just open the doors

up and just give people plenty of time

and say, you know, hey, we got these deals.

If we run out, boom, you were

here, here's a rain check for it.

Like, don't murder each other to get a fucking TV

for half a month.

Hey, I see Mr. Biggs is saying he's been trying

to call in. I'm sorry, buddy.

I'd love for you to be on.

If you give me a phone number,

if you send me a message on Facebook,

or something with a phone number to reach at,

I will direct dial you.

It's hard to get through on this show

because a lot of calls coming in and out.

People calling.

It's a line, man.

I'll take these.

All right, brother.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Thanks.

Mr. Biggs, notice your chance.

Get ready, Mr. Biggs.

Dial right now.

Now, now, now, now, now.

You should have dialed five seconds ago.

Well, the fun never ends,

and the fun is never ending.

Yeah.

Mr. Biggs' asshole.

Hello.

Thank you for calling.

Is this Mr. Biggs?

And for your convenience,

We are open all night tonight is this that's not mr. Biggs. This is fake. Mr. Biggs the press for

Who's this hello Matt? Oh, hey, you're a guy in a can. Yeah guy in a can. What's up?

Please hold on to say your your phone machines messed up. No, you sound really bad sir or ma'am

Uh, Kohl's, Kohl's.

Okay.

Oh, hey, I love Mr. Biggs.

I love your podcast.

I love all your podcasts.

I binge your podcast in the hospital, man.

I did just, I was just in the hospital two weeks ago,

and I listened to pretty much all your glue, your glue ones, your adhesives.

And yesterday, I watched your live stream.

Transferring, please hold.

Come on, Kohl's.

You're really fucking me up, Kohl's, here, you know?

Can't get a fucking Kohl's to answer for the live stream.

Caller, you're here.

How's your audio now?

Let's check.

Say something.

something.

Duh.

Okay.

Alright.

Who are you?

Ipokesmart.

Oh, you're Ipokesmart.

Yeah.

Why did you disrespect Phil Henry, man?

What was that about?

It was a whole thing.

It was just fun.

It was funny.

But why?

Why?

You got him good, though, man, because I would think a guy of his level would be like, eh,

whatever, you know, dirt off my shoulder, but didn't he get real pissed off in forums

and shit?

he's like yeah um it was the whole thing yeah we pissed him off every night me and several

friends um and we just didn't because he would lose his shit every time we would prank call him

so we couldn't stop it was just an endless supply of laughs but that's he's such a hypocrite though

man this whole show's a fucking thing whatever well that's what i said you know it's like you

you know but but then why why you why you mess with matt hillock why why are you so bad at matt

hillock he didn't ever do nothing to you he was very sad and very upset that you were mean to him

and i i'm not mad at matt hillock um a year ago to this month he got mad at me because he found

out i was friends with danny uh that german girl yeah he thinks he thinks she has something to do

with the pizza called his house which i had nothing to do with and she said she had nothing

to do with and i'm like what the fuck dude i don't know what the fuck he's gonna talk about

i mean matt's fucking awesome matt's awesome you're awesome um brad's awesome zack's is awesome

i have no problems with anybody white though right like fucking blight

Dwight's awesome too

oh okay

but yeah I have no idea

like

the night before

Matt got pissed at me I had heart surgery

oh no

so I'm like

really Matt I have better things to worry about

than your fucking prank drama

what kind of heart surgery

angioplasty or

I was STT

oh shit alright well that's not

Not the best.

Okay, all right.

Well, good.

Presuming you came out of it okay.

Good for you.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm still alive.

Yeah, motherfucker.

I'm still doing my show.

You're still a motherfucker.

You're still doing your show?

All right.

Yeah.

I do my show occasionally, but Gigawatt is busy because he works for the government.

Yeah.

Occasionally, I'll still do my show, but we're both federal agents, but I won't talk

about that.

Don't tell Brad.

No, no.

Oh, Smod always wanted me to prank call that one guy.

I forget.

He was always in the Hangouts, and I'd talk shit to him.

Yeah.

Listen, Smod, I mean, it's nice to finally talk to you.

I'm a little leery still because you've done, you know, some things.

But it's good to talk to you.

I'm glad that you've come out and said, you know, you're sorry to Matt.

You're just misunderstanding.

He seems to think you kept calling

He kept hearing you calling his voicemail

And you were telling him

He was the stupid one for using his real name

And address you said to him

And he was

He really got him bummed out man

And Matt's a special guy

He's a special kind of guy

He's stupid

That's why Carlito had to go through the strict check

When he came into Matt fucking Alex's building

Not to meet him in Chicago

Well I did

I did actually

Actually, I did hack Matt's voicemail one night.

That was after the whole falling out because he didn't set his default password.

And I'm like, here, oh, wow, here's a voicemail that he hasn't set up yet.

Got him.

So I'll set him up.

I couldn't resist.

So it's nothing personal.

Got him.

Got him, motherfucker.

Yeah.

All right, Matt.

That's your time.

That's it.

I can't do any more.

are people are they're getting mad that i have you on i know it's just all right all right so

you get out of here and don't be a nice guy all right see you later bye i'll be a nice guy bye

bye bye be a good human jesus christ how the hell did he get through he used to uh set me on to this

guy i forget the guy's name but he had like some he would play music and it was a bunch of old

people mr big school hang out yeah and then they'd be like just bobbing around and i'd call

Call in and start talking mad shit about everybody that was on the feed.

Fucking right.

Talk about the toots.

Welcome to Kohl's in Sherwood.

We are now open.

And for your convenience, we are open all...

Come on, Biggie.

Biggs.

Biggie Smalls, we're playing your music.

...outware, press 4.

Bedding and bath, press 5.

Thank you for calling.

Is this Mr. Biggs?

Yeah, this is Mr. Biggs.

How you doing?

Hey, you fat motherfucker.

What's up?

Hey, I'm sorry.

I'm kidding.

Yeah, I'm kidding, too.

I'm not Mr. Bigfoot.

Ah, fuck.

I thought about it.

Oh, that's good.

That's good.

You got him.

Yeah, I just want to let you know, just say I'm a big fan.

And also, I saw a good idea that was in the chat here.

The idea, if you can do it, of a helicopter act into an elevator shaft into a bathroom.

You're right.

Yeah, but I have to do that with Brad.

And Dwight could be involved.

Oh, okay, okay.

Yeah, I know you're tech set up, but that's possible tonight.

That's cool.

If not, otherwise, I just want to say I hope you had a good Thanksgiving.

I hope you're doing well at the hospital and you're feeling all that.

Not in the hospital.

And I hope you have a good night.

And I won't type a line because I know a lot of people want to call in.

I'm very busy.

But I hope you have a good night and a good Thanksgiving.

And I hope you have a good Thanksgiving, man.

Yeah, yeah.

Talk to you later, man.

Oh, God damn it.

Hello, call.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

I'm not trying to be mean.

Mr. Biggs, call in.

I won't call you fat, Mr. Biggs.

I'm sorry, you're not. Everyone knows you're not.

You're a skinny guy. He's just

Big Mr. Biggs. Big Mr. Biggs.

Big Biggs. So my nephew had

a laugh today because there was a

football player during the game named

Butler. Welcome to Coles in Sherwood.

And I said Big Butler.

And I didn't realize

it until I said it. He started cracking up.

Big Butler, I'm Carla.

Big Butt. Thank you for calling.

This is the Big Butt line. Hello.

Hello. Hi. Hey, Mr. Biggs.

What's up? Yeah, Mr. Biggs.

yeah mr big hey how you doing hey seriously who is it you want to say your name you just

want to call and say hi yeah okay good totally all right can you hear me yeah i hear you fine

i hear you're fine what's wrong oh okay yeah this is totally mr big oh hey yeah

totally sound like him yeah oh yeah this is me this is me um buster big wister bang um buster

Mr. Big.

Shit, I dropped my...

I got you, nigga.

It ain't me at all.

Baba Booey, Baba Booey.

Howard Stern's penis.

Yeah, you got me.

Okay, cool.

Did you watch the parade and the horrible lip syncing that was going on?

No, I don't watch that shit, dude.

Are you crazy?

Oh, yeah.

I tuned into it for like 10 minutes, and there was like three musical acts that were

on floats, and you could tell they were all lip syncing, and it was bad.

bad really bad it was cold man that's part of the problem i think

can't be singing they're just all auto-tuned and they they're like oh no oh no yeah oh my god look

at that video that jack heliquin made of you of me yeah look it's in the chat i dropped it it's

fucking crazy hang on let me see oh my god welcome to colds and we are now open and for

For your convenience, we are open all night tonight.

To speak with a department associate, press 3.

For directions to the store, press 4.

What else has I got to pick up here?

Come on, let's do this.

For shoes, press 3.

Uh-oh, I hit 5.

Please hold for bed and bath.

I'm in.

Hi, this is the home department.

How may I deliver greatness to you today?

Hey, greatness in the name of Allah.

How are you?

I'm good.

How are you?

Good.

I need to see if you have this item still, the labia.

uh can you describe it for me it's uh bedding it's called labia l-a-b-i-a and you needed the

bed sheets yeah it's called they're called labia though there's a certain kind you have them for

29.95 it says um okay let me take a look around and see what i can yeah look see if you can find

a labia around there okay i think you might have one okay okay all right and if if you don't it

can't do you know what it is you know what i'm talking about or yes you know what the labia is

okay good go hurry okay i'll be here bye whatever i don't know what the fuck she's doing they're

starting to piss me off i think they're starting to get batty i'm starting to get punchy that's

the problem yeah you've only got one more hour might as well stick to it yep because i was

seriously thinking about giving uh an extra hour to green bean stopping now fuck it fuck it right

yeah i'm saying yeah i'm thinking uh like i'm gonna try to help green be out a little bit

it, then I must sleep, and then

go to the fucking gym

Friday afternoon, and then go back to my spot.

Nice. You gonna make a smoothie?

Uh, yeah. No, I've got the

I've got a kick-ass one to do one, but I don't

have any fresh fruit right now. Or even frozen

fruit at that. Damn, man.

Yeah, watch that video real quick on your stream. Oh my god,

it's crazy. Put some turkey in it.

Uh, on my stream?

Oh, it's in the Skype. It's in Skype, too.

I think I saw this on Facebook already.

The 3D Carlito thing? I am 3D

Carlito. I am stronger

I am stronger and faster than the real Carlito.

I will kill Carlito and take his show.

Bow to Carlito 3D.

I want to touch that labia.

I am 3D Carlito.

I am stronger and faster than the real Carlito.

I will kill Carlito and take his show.

He's done fucking videos of me too.

Just random videos of me popping up.

From when I showed my face in Chicago.

He's looking at a bunch of shit.

Well, the joke's on 3D Carlito because I'm actually 4D Carlito, so...

Welcome to Kohl's.

We are open today from midnight until midnight.

To speak with a department associate, press 3.

For directions to the store, press 4.

For Kohl's Credit Center, press 5.

For all other questions, press...

For shoes, press 3.

Housewares, press 4.

Bedding and bath, press 5.

Clothing, press 6.

Hello?

Yes.

Yeah, what's going on?

what's the status i cannot find anything like that you don't have any labia there

no you said you knew what it was and everything please hold for jewelry and beauty okay all right

well labia is the vaginal lips on the woman that was a little more of a more delayed hang-up than

i was expecting well well jewelry i got silence from the other one mr biggs now's a good time

time to call or no one else only mr biggs may call 405-396-684 i command you to call

welcome to cole's in our open today from midnight until hello call thanks for calling you've called

hi it's mr biggs mr biggs that's not mr how are you you're dwight mcclanahan oh god damn it

please hold for jewelry and beauty real carlito gives out the pranks hello damn it

pranksgiving starting thursday the 22nd through the 23rd carlito show machine from 10 p.m to 3

a.m then the green bee from 3 a.m till 5 a.m that's a crazy fucking schedule then phone brothers

and lux at 5 a.m through 7 a.m hello jewelry please answer whatever so let's go back to

a Lonesome Loser. See if any of his

numbers will connect. Just a moment.

Alright.

Here's one.

Hello? Jones? Hello, Jones?

Got the wrong one.

This is our Jones.

How would they even know

before we confirm? Did a transfer of information.

still here?

Nash would be...

He's mid-stroke with his wife.

Yes, I'm here.

What's up, Big Pump?

What's up, Super Pump?

Hello?

Ms. Jones, please.

You're on Turnabout Street.

Hello.

Pardon?

Is this R. Jones at 5 Turnabout?

Yeah.

Okay, well, I'm trying to get in touch with you.

Why?

Well, there seems to be an issue with the water.

We wanted to check in with you, see if there's any discoloration with the water.

What's going on?

I'm calling from the Water Authority, and there's been a problem at the plant.

Some of the water has effluent in it, feces, and open sewage.

We're trying to track the seed to make sure whether or not you have this problem here

When is the last time that you're

I think you better get in touch with

It's very dangerous

If you're affected ma'am it's very dangerous that you do not shower or use a

You know drink the water

Hello please

Go drink the water you bitch

Trying to get them to touch the water

I like it when I make them touch the water

Hey uh Carlito

Hey uh Lonesome

I mean you're not Lonesome

You're not Ashby go ahead

i'm gonna drop off man all right drop off buddy all right we'll see you later man thanks for

sending that shit yeah yeah thanks for having me on yeah yeah yeah yeah

this latest number from lonesome doesn't connect it seems to be hit or miss with the uk numbers i

apologize sorry lonesome they're not working that last one doesn't work and it's my fault i'm sure

i apologize thank you for trying to confirm it though very nice of you uh let me think here

Let's try to get through to some more hotels.

Actually, we can check back in with that one that Nash was in earlier.

Zion.

405-396-6884 is the number if you want to call in.

You got about 40 to 50 minutes before we wrap things up tonight

and move on to the Green Bee Show, which takes over afterwards.

the right bitch and make her drive the q45 and away we go

i got voicemails

then big brad rbcp from 7 a.m till 10 a.m for calling zion's motel if you're trying to reach

a guest please press one what's the room you are being transferred to a guest and you're trying to

The reach is unavailable at this time.

Begin speaking after the tone, then hang up when you are...

I actually went to voicemail.

I never heard that before.

At that place.

Oh, hey, Homer.

Hey, Homer.

Howley.

Homer Howley.

Blockchain technology Bitcoin consultants in Guam.

I didn't even know they knew what that was over there.

Didn't Bitcoin take a hit pretty good the other day?

Yep, sure did.

That's what CNBC said to me.

Oh, it's only worth $4,282.47.

Well, it's the future.

It's the future of money.

Should have sold that shit when it was at $16,000.

Oh, you're looking for blockchain technology Bitcoin consultants?

No, we're not.

Sorry about that.

Why?

Because the blockchain money went down, right?

It's bad.

Hello?

Hello, please.

I need a job.

Damn him.

All right.

A chocolate store here.

A chocolate store.

Again, 405-396-684

Exclusively for Mr. Biggs

If that is the real Mr. Biggs

He may call in

Obviously it's not because he's not calling in

It was a fake Mr. Biggs

Mr. Biggs calls in all the prank shows

Except for Carlito

He doesn't want to have anything to do with Carlito

He hates me

I love when you use hate speech in your shows

I mean, I don't know why he hates me so much

I gave him full access to my show

To all my people

Hello?

Hello, is that the Joneses?

I'm looking for John

John Jones

South Hall Avenue

42 South Hall Avenue

yes

this is it

tell

hello

oh wait a minute

I have the wrong number

you're a job

I'm sorry

is this the chocolate store

shit

damn it

chocolate

chocolates

please chocolates

please

shit

I messed up

try their other numbers

shit

chocolate

I heard it in the background

over there too

alright

here comes another

UK number

There's a caller on the air.

Thanks for calling.

Carlito, it's Mr. Biggs.

Hey, fake Mr. Biggs.

How you doing?

I just wanted to say that it's not nice to be mean.

Hey, Carlito.

Hey.

It's Lux.

Hey, Lux.

The show is fun.

I like it.

Thanks, thanks.

I hope you have a good time today.

I know you're really excited.

You're going to be with the phone.

I'm really tired.

The stupid phone losers.

The super phone brothers.

That's right.

You're their call up, yeah.

Yeah, you're going to do a show with them.

You're going to have a good time.

I am.

I'm excited.

You're going to wear a beanie?

I am going to wear a beanie.

The whole time?

Good.

The whole time.

Nice.

I'm going to keep my head protected so I don't get any sexually transmitted diseases.

Yeah.

People were saying you look like you had a condom on your head.

Why'd you go?

He hung up.

Well, thanks, Lux.

That was Lux, everybody.

There he goes.

The condom head Lux, everyone.

He gets so much pussy, he wears a condom on his head.

Out there, he just hang up on me.

He grows some hairs on his nuts and look, he just thinks he can hang up on me and shit.

Hello?

Help

Jones

Help

Hello

Hello please help me

I need assistance

Please don't breathe in the phone

Talk to me please

Help me

Talk me through

Please talk me through this

Are you touching it?

Are you touching it down there?

Right on

So fast pickup

We ask you to let us know

That you're not a voicemail system

So you need to press 1

To take this call

Hello

Yeah

Hello

Hi

How are you?

Good how are you?

Are we going to make some calls?

Yeah

We're going to make some calls

Alright

Cool

Cool. All right. Let's make some calls.

They may or may not pick up.

Cool. What is this?

It's just connecting.

Oh, I love connecting.

It's taking a long time. Oh, fucking didn't connect.

Fucking love connection.

Fucking blowjob connection.

Carlito, I need to know what all this is at the meetup.

People threatening to dose my food with marijuana.

Oh, we're so getting...

I'm going to put drugs in your mouth.

Last time I saw Lux, I got roofied, and I woke up in a hospital in Atlanta.

I'm going to be sleeping, and then I'm going to wake up with gummy bears.

in my mouth and i'm like come in your hair i don't know who did i woke up i blacked out man

i got the hospital bills to prove it he's a small guy he overpowered you he's gotten pretty big

hello hello mr jones hi this is cross i'm calling from the water administration royal

water administration we have a water emergency on south hall avenue here in brighton yeah okay

Okay, have you consumed any, have you drank any water or taken a shower in the last three hours?

No, no, I've just made tea, that's all.

Oh, don't use the tea.

We need you to check the color of the water.

Oh.

There's effluent and sewage in some of the water.

It's traveling.

Oh, blimey.

Yeah, can you...

We've drunk tea anyway.

Did you already drink it?

Yeah, I don't think so, no.

I haven't drunk mine yet, my son has.

Did you brush your teeth?

Did you point it at your teeth?

No, I don't think so.

I'm just going to turn it on again and see.

Oh, can you flush the toilet?

It's the best way to do it.

Flush the toilet and see what the color of the water is in the bowl.

I'll turn the water on now.

Hang on.

Okay.

To make sure there's no fluoride in the water or their teeth might turn white.

Actually, not lose your teeth.

Notice how he hasn't brushed his teeth yet, but they're on the teeth.

T, yes.

Teeth, no.

Got to make sure.

hello hey hello yes sir it seems all right to me okay did you check in the from where from the

sink or from the from the loo sorry okay in the sink okay all right can you flush your toilet

your loo your lavatory oh and see that we just need to see that the color is clear not brown

oh hang on you caught me at breakfast time anyway hang on yeah upstairs okay all right

Flush it.

All right, pull out your penis.

Okay, I'll nip upstairs and flush the toilet.

Okay, well, do you not have a toilet downstairs?

Hello?

We could do another call in the meantime.

This old pensioner.

By the time he gets upstairs and everything.

You'll be doing that.

Oh, man, the phone's ringing.

You'll be doing that.

Oh, yeah, I lost it.

Cannabis.

I think I OD'd.

Yeah.

Fusion Dance Center.

Yeah, hi, dance studio?

Yes, this is Fusion Dance Center.

Okay, excellent.

Excellent. I'd like to see some of the dance classes before I have my child enrolled.

Okay. Sir, where are you calling from, if I may ask?

Well, I'm on the island. I'm stationed here.

Oh, okay. Sorry. It was just like an off-island number.

But what you can't...

Hello?

Hello, sir. Go ahead.

Hello.

It seems all right. It seems all right.

Okay. Can you...

I didn't run the tap at the sink much, but it seems all right there.

Yeah, and I'm one that feels the kettle up overnight before I go to bed, so...

Okay, so what I want you to do is don't drink the tea,

and I want you to sit on the toilet and try to push a little bit, okay,

to get some out, some cocky out, okay?

Hello, sir?

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I'm at work, ma'am, just real quick.

Yeah, sir, go ahead and...

I want you to go ahead and don't drink the tea, sir, Mr....

I won't drink the tea, then, and...

And I want you to sit...

I can't keep...

I'm living in the 80s.

I can't keep nipping upstairs.

I know, but when you get a chance, go up there, pull down your pants and your panties

and sit on the toilet and push until some feces comes out, okay?

And urinate and empty your bladder and your bowels, okay?

Yeah, I can't do that because I'm a bloke who's always constipated.

Oh, goodness.

Okay, all right.

Well, we're going to send someone over then to give you an enema, all right?

Really?

Yeah, they're going to put their fingers up.

All right, we'll talk to your son about it, all right?

Okay.

All right, goodbye.

Bye.

Sorry, ma'am, I'm at work, so I had to take a call from a patient.

Okay.

All right, so, yeah, the dance studio.

My son, he's on the line, too.

He's a dancer.

He wants to be a dancer.

I want to dance, Daddy.

How old is your son?

He's 14.

14, okay.

And what style is he interested in taking?

Jazz, hip-hop, ballet?

Ballet.

Ballet, Daddy.

Ballet.

He does some hip-hop, but he really wants to do ballet

because he wants to get his coordination better, his balance.

Okay, okay.

So we do have ballet and hip-hop available.

You can actually, were you able to go to our website?

We have a website, sir.

Yeah, that's all fine and good.

And I have the website.

It's FusionDanceCenterGuam.com.

I know.

Yes, yes.

And I saw it.

Did you want to check out the studio?

Did you want to sign them up right away?

Well, I want to come and watch the classes, see how they're coordinated, maybe one or two of them.

Do you have an area where I can watch from?

Yes, our studios have windows where you can watch.

I believe since he is 14, he may be either in Ballet 3 or Ballet 4.

Has he taken Ballet before?

Yes, he's very good at Ballet.

Yes?

Yes.

Okay, so with that level of Ballet, either Ballet 3 or 4,

Ballet 3 is on Wednesdays from 4 to 5, intermediate level.

And then Ballet 4 is on Saturdays from 9 to 10.

That's the intermediate advanced.

Of course, the instructor would like to see how he is with his technique

and then to go with what's best up, to move him down,

or to stay at a certain level for the ballet.

But I'll be able to watch.

I'm trying to get to the part about me watching,

and you keep going a little further than that, and it's a little frustrating.

Yes, yes.

So, is it a one-way mirror, or can they see me while I'm watching?

They can also see you while you are watching, sir.

Okay.

Can I bring a comforter to put over myself while I watch?

Sure, whichever makes you feel comfortable, but, of course, you would have to be watching from the outside, from the waiting area.

Yeah, I'm going to watch in the waiting area.

I'm going to be covered up in, like, a sheet, except for my eyes.

I'm going to be able to, like, my head will be out, but I'll be watching.

and the rest of my body and my hands and everything.

I don't want anyone to see what's going on while I'm watching them dancing.

Okay.

I don't see a problem with that,

but I will let the office manager know if that's okay with you, sir.

Okay.

Because she's currently out right now,

and I'm just covering her spot at the moment.

Okay.

It sounds like you might be amenable to what I need to do.

Actually, I want to really experience the dancing, you know.

Okay.

And if you'd like, can we watch her dance, Danny?

Yeah.

Do you dance?

ma'am hello sir yeah do you do dance um do i dance as well yes sir okay and what do you wear um like

tights and stuff or i'm sorry do you wear tights oh i am an instructor oh you know how you ever

watch gymnastics on the olympics and and they always get wedgies and they always pick at the

wedgies i like that i get the name and number and we will take we will give you a call back

okay i'm sorry okay can i get your name and number my name is cross last name is pervert

okay thank you sir

have a good day

I'm pervert junior

we're perverted

we're perverted people

we're very perverted

I don't know why

I sat over here

and laughed so hard

by you saying

your last name is pervert

I was just

going off and

chuckling at you

cross pervert

we're perverted

pervert pervert junior

I should have said

pervert

oh shit balls

alright there

caller

Lux's friend in theory

I don't know

you got a lot to do

with Lux

I hate the boss sir

Have fun

You guys are awesome

Here goes Buster again

Buster Hyman

405-396-6884

Less than 30 minutes

Left

Leave voicemails if you can't get in

There are a lot of voicemails

And I really should be playing those

So people can hear shit

Let me try to play

At least play obituary

I had one here

and all i do is call me oh shit i think that waffle house called back yeah that waffle house

called back trying to get it all pissed off let's see yo you're gonna pick up the phone you

fucking pussy bitch that's who oh that's not waffle house so they spoofed us excuse me waffle

house but it was not a waffle house i'm burping and it tastes like whiskey but i've had no yet i've

Had no whiskey, you know?

Yeah, motherfucker, this is Stephanie.

Hello, yes.

This message is from NORAD, and we've been tracking your dick all night, and we found

that you are gay.

Oh.

You are gay.

Thank you.

No.

Bye.

Really?

Shit.

What happened?

This plans a lot.

No wonder I don't have any kids.

I was waiting outside for your ass.

Like a fucking eye.

Well, I don't know what's going on.

Motherfucker's trying to roar.

Hey there, Captain.

I'm just here taking a big shit.

Lamar Hawkins, better known by his stage name, Fat Pied, February 3rd, 1998.

Pat was an American rapper from Houston, Texas, who was a member of DEA, Dead End Alliance,

with his brother John Big Hawk Hawkins and DJ Screw and KK, all original members of the Screwed Up Click.

Hawkins was fatally shot at South Drive, Houston, Texas, after going to a promoter's apartment to collect an appearance fee.

The promoter was not home and he was shot in the corridor outside the apartment.

Eight years later, his brother, rapper Big Hawk, was also shot to death.

No.

Big Hawk.

Big Cock.

Okay, Big Cock.

Oh, Big Hawk.

Okay.

I thought it was a nickname amongst the guys.

You know, Big Cock.

Hey, what's up?

Oh.

Default urine.

I just wanted to wish you a happy Prank'sgiving.

Glad to be with my family here.

Yeah.

On the Prank Call Network.

Yay, Prank Call Nation Network.

All right.

Default urine.

Default Urine. I like that username. I really like that username.

And I like the things he has to say in the Discord chat.

And he's a supporter of Dwight McClanahan on his Patreon.

Who's that?

Default Urine.

Yes, Default Urine.

He recently this month became a Patreon.

We picked up another one earlier today, too.

Yeah? Good.

Up to 21 Patreons.

Default Feces?

Yeah. That's going to be the next person.

They want to be in the cool kids group.

Yeah, alright, great voicemail

You were talking a lot there

There was one from Slow Elvis

But I can't find it now

Slow Elvis, that I mentioned last week

Was leaving voicemails

He talks like Elvis, but slow

He said he liked it

Yeah, hi Klaus, this is Edward

Just wanted to let you know that

But I hope you're feeling better since your hospital visit.

And as you can hear, that's my cat.

And I hope Homer J is doing well.

And I hope you're Dobby.

Dobby is better than Homer J, obviously, in all areas.

Homer J can compete, but not as much as Dobby.

Dobby is great.

I just hope you're doing better.

And keep doing what you're doing on.

Keep on what you're doing on.

Keep doing what you're doing on.

Right, you got it.

Front reception.

Why did you change that, man?

I missed that.

That's Jag TV, by the way.

Jag TV.

If any listeners have a recording of Carlito saying that,

you can forward it to my email.

I can send that to you, Jag TV.

Jag TV wants a recording of me saying front reception.

I'm not going to keep playing those, unfortunately,

because you can't hear them, Dwight, and that's not fair to you.

Oh, no, you're fine.

It's your show, man.

No.

It's my show, and that's why I'm not going to do it.

All right, we need to do more prank calls.

This is what we need to do.

We're running out of time.

Fence contractors?

No, I don't want to do that.

beauty supply not feeling that hearing aids i got an idea for hearing aids you know what i'm gonna

do let me get those sound effects right i'm sorry my good friend let me learn it properly

from my guru that i will teach you i thought this is that one you know i had my first street

potato pie today never had it before i heard that tastes just like pumpkin pie no sometimes

times a cherry fucking i didn't have any and like i fucking love pecan pie and we had some

we had pecan and pumpkin and i didn't eat any yeah i'm not a real big sweet person like i don't

i don't care for candy or like candy bars that much like i might have a candy bar once a year

and it's got to have some type of peanut butter in it like a peanut butter twist

make that butterfinger i used to like butterfingers a lot but i don't like the way

it gets all stuck in my fucking teeth like then i spend the next hour picking it out with my tongue

That is annoying.

Good point.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

Is this horseback riding?

Yes.

How can I help you?

Yes, hi.

We're looking to see if we can get some horses for...

I'm at a competing ranch, and I kind of want to see if you have any experience with, like, a horse.

I'm not from here.

I'm from off-island.

You understand?

Yes.

And I brought these show horses.

You have probably a phone number.

I could tell it was an off-island number.

Yeah, I know.

You could tell.

I know you could tell.

But I'm American.

you know i'm american and you sound like you are too because yeah so is everybody else here

american but you know what i mean like american american you know because i had this i tried to

hire this guy to help with my horses and he was like chamorro or something like that you know

what that is chamorro yeah yeah and he was really a stupid person you know and he left he stuck here

well he didn't know about horses no he didn't well now i have a horse i have a horse or he's

He's had an erection for like five hours at this point, so I think it's priapism, but

I don't know anyone who fixes horse machines around here.

Horse machines?

Yeah.

What are you talking about?

I have a ranch.

I own a horse machine ranch.

It's a brand new ranch out here.

Uh-huh.

And one of my-

Where is that?

One of my horse machine- it's off a horse machine ranch road.

Uh-huh.

I don't know where that is.

It's a new development.

It's 50 acre horse ranches that you can buy.

and i got one but i don't know what i'm doing i'm from new york i won the lottery

i won the the powerball and i just bought it i was like i wanted to have a horse ranch

so the like this horse has had i mean is it normal for a horse to have an erection for this long

no okay what can i do uh call a veterinarian i don't know that's what i'm saying i don't know

any veterinarians you know and i don't where is your ranch exactly horse machine ranch where is

do you know where the do you know where the walmart's is what walmart there's a new walmart

that they're building where is that off a horse machine ranch road i'm new here so i don't know

i don't understand myself you know and i've been here too long that i don't know what you're

talking about they're building a walmart god damn it motherfucker you you understand what i'm trying

to fucking say you fucking shit for brains you you sure you're american or you're a stupid whatever

whatever fuck off my phone pissed off i'm starting to get man i'm starting to lose it

natopia internet cafe how september 10th let's call them let's ask if they get the youtube

hi you get youtube um yes we have an internet do you have a youtube computer youtube computer um

youtube is a website yeah but you need to have a youtube computers i don't know if you're talking

about youtube computers you know how you go to the youtube you put on the you you put the the

YouTube computers on the computers the YouTube computers you you put in what you want to watch

on the YouTube computers okay YouTube is a website sir and any computer we have can access YouTube

do you have Yahoo computers Yahoo is also a website yeah then you put in you go to you go

to the top right and you move the the the hand the arrow arrow

do you have do you have do you have the blue e yes we have internet explorer yeah i need i need

a computer that has the blue e and gets the youtube computers on it yes we can access it

from here okay and will it play this right here how does it go does it go like this i can't hear

it there well i'm showing you on the my i have my uh phone my camera phone does it work like this

this youtube computer all right yeah carlito just took a klonopin uncle carlito's gonna be

pretty fucked up here for you oh yeah yeah just in time for greenby to take over fuck it all up

guam capital no you'll do fine guam capital investment to computer and jerry sprinter looks

like shit now he does live in that shit state his show's still on isn't it yeah yeah he's still

still going how do people i guess people watch his fucking bodyguard steve bocos has had his

own show for probably 10 years now yeah actually his isn't isn't really that bad he doesn't take

bullshit he doesn't like to have it turn into a circus he's like we're gonna stay on jackson's

fence yeah okay i have a problem uh i've got a lot of dirty there's this um island person

mr biggs he keeps coming into my yard and stealing my coconuts so i'm trying to see if i can set up

up some type of fencing to keep them out okay who's calling sir my name is akulo you're calling

from where i'm from well i have an off-island number but i'm stationed here and i have a house

i'm on horse machine ranch road for in jigo yeah and i have a coconut coconuts farm coconuts farm

where's disaster in jigo horse machine ranch road oh okay and so you want to defense it i want to

fence it there's this guy there's this dirty island person uh that keeps coming like dirty

Dirty island people keep coming here, and there's a fat island.

He's a Samoan named Mr. Biggs, they call him, and he keeps coming here to steal my coconuts.

Yeah.

So I need to set up fencing to keep him and the dirty island people out.

Sir, may I get your number? I can call you back.

Well, you can call me back at this number, but I need to get this taken care of soon and now.

I don't have time to be calling to wait for you calling back and all that.

You know, this is important.

important okay i'll call you back in a few minutes do you have youtube thank you do you

have youtube computers yes okay do you have uh uh porn hub computers who is this aculo

porn hub computers yeah the computers i get coconuts

and so i warned uh you guys that if i try to do five hours by this this time what's gonna be

this happens every fucking preksgiving by the time i get to this last hour i'm just

it's just too bad we can't get

like every year now I'm going to take melatonin

right and I'll probably have some ambient rice

but I'm going to force

myself to stay up to listen to Green Bee

the subscriber you have called

is not receiving calls at this time

I'm going to sleep until like 11am

so anyone everyone

just to let you know

with Pranksgiving we got more

shows coming up Green Bee is going to be taken over

followed by if you go to madhouselive.com

the full schedule is there

We have a full 24-hour schedule up until 10 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, 7 p.m. Pacific tomorrow when Jaiad wraps things up.

They will all be broadcast.

You can listen.

If you're on the road, you can listen without a data plan.

You can call the number area code 605-475-0097.

You can also listen on the TuneIn app.

If you have a smart device, your phone, smartphone or tablet or on your computer machine, on your tune-in computers, you can listen there.

It's also going to be simulcast on the YouTube computers, so you can go to the Madhouse Radio YouTube channel.

I'm going to try to keep it streaming there also.

Hopefully, it doesn't falter and fail.

So stay tuned, you know.

Leave it on overnight.

Let your subconscious soak it in and listen.

Listen, I know some people, every year, they stay up for the whole thing.

I saw comments of people saying, yeah, I'm going to stay up for the whole thing.

I saw those comments.

Look, I don't just make up that people emailed me and said this.

People emailed me and said that.

I'm real.

About time to force Greenby in here to make him confirm that he's going to be ready and do a proper handoff.

Well, can't come to the phone right now, but leave a message or call me at 864-9988.

Oh, no.

It got out.

Everyone, give her a call.

Tell her Carlito sent you.

All right.

We already called the Internet Cafe.

Oh, shit.

There were infomercials.

Dwight, I didn't even get to these.

We had a lot of numbers.

Oh, shit.

Shit.

Let me look at Lonesome Loser one last time.

He didn't get any other confirmed.

Again, from the bottom of my heart, I want to thank Lonesome Loser and his wife, Lonesome's

Girl, for checking in.

Don't be strangers, Lonesome.

I know you're a busy guy, but if you're ever around, you don't even have to confirm numbers.

Just hang out, man.

You go way back in the Brill Building.

You know, I didn't do one horsey cat call either, motherfucker.

You know that?

Shit.

That's not right.

We're in team custody of the horsey cat after Chicago.

It's right here.

Horsey cat's right here, buddy.

Look, horsey cat's on camera right now.

Horsey cat.

It was successfully repaired in Chicago.

Yeah, because fucking Homer tried to destroy the motherfucker.

We got pictures, I think, of Geod after he applied the glue to the penis

and he was blowing on the horsey cat's penis.

uh i like the the fans that showed up after after the meetup they were all like oh my god

horse cats real like they're like taking pictures yeah yeah yeah all right uh let me see it was good

seeing all of them too bad we couldn't get the uh logistics up doing some calls done yeah it's

all right we had we had what close to 15 people in that fucking hotel room that was a crazy that

That was fucking Jayat's crazy ass, do you remember?

That was a bad idea.

Yeah, that was a real bad idea.

It was just the one guy who really fucked it all up.

Remember the guy who changed his fucking flight to come hang out here?

Yeah.

Relax, sit down, sit down.

Yeah, anyway, hey, look, infomercial.

Let's do it real quick, real quick.

Mr. Singh, start the projector.

Thank you for calling the Leading Edge Health Order and Customer Service.

I want to thank Lowe's and Lose's for sending numbers and helping out.

I want to thank Nashby.

I want to thank Big Parkman also.

during our regular business hours so we can assist you.

All right, so they're closed for the holiday.

Seriously, I've got to get Mr. Biggs on the show.

Mr. Biggs, I'm a big fan, man, and I was joking around a little bit,

but it is kind of hard to get through on this show.

A lot of people call in at once, it seems.

And I'm not 100% convinced that my incoming line setup isn't working right

because it seems I'll miss a lot more calls and flash on my screen.

For that, I apologize.

It's Mr. Biggs.

Thank you for calling After Nick, the world's largest premium domain marketplace.

If you know your party's extension...

What's up, Grimby?

You cock?

How you doing?

Hey, good morning.

This is Nick.

How can I help?

Hey, how you doing?

Hey, morning.

Hey, all good here.

Good.

How can I help?

Is this the 40 Girl Fitness Stripper poll?

No, actually, you're calling After Nick.

That's the division of GoDaddy.

I guess you're not interested in buying a domain, are you?

Oh, well, I could buy a domain, yeah.

All right.

Okay.

What's the domain name?

It says here that this is the Flurry Girl Fitness Stripper Pool.

You're saying this is GoDaddy?

Yeah, yeah.

Probably their domain is for sale, and that's how you got to me.

Oh, wow.

Okay, all right.

GoDaddy, huh?

Yep.

All right, how do you like that?

Well, it depends, you know.

Yeah, it depends.

Yeah, do you show the stripper pool ever to anyone anymore when you took it off of YouTube computers?

computers what computers were you talking about my youtube computer my youtube computers i don't

know what you're talking about i have i have a youtube computers why is it not working well

i'm afraid i cannot help in that case because you're calling a company that is actually selling

domains yeah domain whatever but listen the domain is under the the domain for flirty girl fitness

strippers i did a search on dns on the zone records and they gave me this phone number and i want to

to see the florida girl stripper camera i want to see the vagina the pussies and everything why

is it not working on my youtube computers i don't know the only thing i know is that most probably

their domain name is for sale and that's why you see our number okay yeah well can you make the

youtube computer show the florida girls no i'm afraid i cannot do that please please just make

it work how do what do i put in what code do i put in and make it work what's the password for

for the YouTube computers to show the labia and the vaginas and everything?

Labia?

Well, listen, that's some kind of a confusion.

I have no idea what you're talking about, so I'm afraid I cannot.

Really?

Okay, guys, listen.

Right.

Okay.

All right.

Thanks for calling.

Yeah, I'm getting loopy.

Greenby, are you here or no?

What's going on?

I don't see...

Greenby, please talk.

Hey.

Are you going to be okay?

You got eight minutes, motherfucker.

You know, there's a lot of pressure.

I hope you...

Nah, I'm all right.

All right.

I should be fine.

Do you have anything special planned?

Do you have any special ideas?

Are you going to be talking anything?

I have a few ideas, but...

Keep them close to the chest, you know?

Close to the chest.

You got that, Screen B.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I can't wait.

I'm going to stay up and listen to that shit.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Thank you for calling Nutrisystem.

You have called outside of our operating hours, which are Monday through Friday, 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

I'm going to try to call one more business here.

See if I can get through to someone at this Kohl's.

Welcome to Kohl's in Bend.

We are now open.

And for your convenience, we are open all night.

Shoes, press 3.

Housewares, press 4.

Bedding and bath, press 5.

Clothing, press 6.

Jewelry and beauty, press 7.

Please hold for jewelry and beauty.

Welcome to Kohl's in Reno West.

But instructions on transferring, please hold.

Hello?

Good evening, thank you for calling Kohl's.

This is Nancy, customer service.

Yes, hi.

I was calling to see if you still have an item there.

What's that?

The labia broche.

I'm sorry, what?

Labia.

Labia?

Yes.

I'm sorry, I'm not sure what that is.

L-A-B-I-A, labia.

And what is that?

29.95, 14-carat labia.

It's a pair of lips, like vaginal lips.

Thank you.

Have a good night.

You know what labia is, you dirty girl.

Yeah, fuck you.

Oh, my God.

She was staring at her labia.

She knew the whole time, motherfucker.

All right, gentlemen.

Greenby is coming up next.

Greenby, prepare yourself.

Dwight McClanahan, thanks for helping.

I'm going to disconnect you now.

Thank you, gentlemen.

Goodbye.

Don't do it, asshole.

All right.

Too late, asshole.

All right, everyone.

Stay tuned for the Greenby Show.

Go to MadhouseLive.com, where right now you can get all your tuning in options, as well

as everything you need to, you know, the schedule.

The schedule.

That's what I'm trying to say.

again thanks everyone for tuning in i'm glad you guys are having a happy thanksgiving have a happy

pranksgiving a happy black friday be safe out there if you are driving look it's the holiday

season let's all be nice to each other let's not be all angry fighting over parking spaces and all

that shit you know it's not necessary and it's not worth it you don't want to do don't do it

uh that's all i got i'm just biding for time while i get my bed music here because i don't want to

go out to this i'm gonna go out to something else where's it at or we can go out to this right

all right thanksgiving everyone see you guys later

Calls (69, 2 h 48 min of 4 h 17 min)

Transcript

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