You’re Fraud

Well, I take off all my clothes when I get my hair cut.

Are you coming in?

Are you getting a haircut?

Yeah.

Do you shave?

I want you to come to McKinney Chapel Road.

Do you know where that is?

Is that near Horse Machine Ranch Road?

I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live.

I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito.

That's my big amigo.

So just kick back to listen to this cat call.

People, when this show goes live, I'll be like, yeah, this shit's bitchin'.

Stop whatever I'm doing to tune in and listen

You can catch me in the back of his home

At Horse Machine Ranch Road

I'm busting mad fat flows for assholes and banchos

Must be crazy, shout out to Big Amy

That's nice, honey, baby

We kissing pussies, so ladies, touch your labia

It's crazy how the stuff that my bruh might say to ya

Face it, cause it's the number one prank cast

Stay back if you can't handle all the straight laughs

That we hand to your dome

And if you want, call the number

You can listen to this show on the go

Big up to the man in the madhouse

You show love, you stick your motherfucking hands up

Some come close, but they can't get it right

Let the king do his thing

You heard about what's going on in there?

Heard a lot of bullshit talk, I know that much

Bullshit, my friend

Do you know something?

Don't listen

What do you know?

Maybe I do and maybe I don't

What I say is they got no business negotiating

We ought to be going back in there with a bullet for everybody in the yard

Oh, is that right?

We do it now, we do it later

Later ain't gonna be no use

Am I right, Al?

Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute, Frank.

We got a lot of angry guys in there.

Black Muslims, Panthers, Young Lords.

Besides you, the average antisocial.

We gotta go in, right? Clean your clocks.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is...

Sorry, everyone. I had a cable disconnected here.

My bad.

Let's see if I can make the phone ring now.

I think it'll work.

Yay!

I got it. I did it. I fixed it.

Oops. It helps if I copy the number right.

anyway speaking of phones great news guys the incoming call line is fixed i swear you can call

tonight 1-405-396-6884 that's 405 39 mouth 405-396-6884 will let you speak to me maybe i'll

even let you do a prank call with your old pal carlito would you like that would you like to

a ride with batman i gotta make an order for food pick i'm gonna go and pick it up and get it oh

fantastic what's your name my man i didn't know you do delivery what's that about yeah you do

delivery like postmates stuff or yes sir yeah but that's an app why would i call i'm not sure my man

we get a lot of curious calls uh-huh all right ignorant okay i like uh one eggs uh yeah how

How was you?

Cooked?

Yeah, how was that?

Scrambled, Sonny?

Uh, with heat.

Put some heat.

I see what he meant by curious callers.

Oh.

Again, that's 405-396-6884.

Or go to madhouselife.com.

You'll see the number there for calling in.

Good, good, good, good.

Brendan on Facebook wants me to do a chicken call.

I don't know what that means.

To a bar and grill.

Chicken.

Okay, I call.

In case of a fast pickup, we have this call.

Hey, Carlito.

Hi.

you wanted me to do a chicken call chicken i like eggs with heat oh you're calling in

oh no oh what do you say there what's up it's ethan oh hey ethan how you doing buddy not too

bad good good to talk to you i'm glad i got the phone line working huh yeah hey you sound

crystal clear oh good it's a dog it's just a dog who looks like i work with yes can i order one

chicken what kind of chicken uh hot chicken it's like a fish wings what do you mean wings

do you have buffalo wings there right well we have chicken yes put that yeah put that sandwich

on what kind of shit you put in that shit what kind of shit you put in that fucking shit right

great that was my fault what i do nothing yeah i think so i'm just looking to blame people for

shit so hey you're gonna come out for my uh for your wedding yeah yeah yeah i'll get you an

address where you can send the invite to that'd be cool awesome right definitely yeah it shouldn't

be too bad to drive for you is there an open bar of course cigars you name it went to a wedding

once the guy he was in miami the guy had um he had money he had a cuban dude there rolling cigars

really yeah and then i didn't get one i went i saw him there and then i went full bunch as soon

as he set up i went there hey i was like hey can i get cigars or go i'm not ready yet and then i

I didn't get to come back until the end.

He was all done.

Fucking jackass, that guy.

What a motherfucker.

Fucking Cubans.

The way he says chicken wing, it's just hilarious.

Very thick accent.

Thank you for choosing Sonic.

I'm West Sahara.

How can I help you?

Yeah, you have chicken?

I'm sorry, what was that?

You have chicken?

Do we have chicken?

Chicken.

I can't hear you.

Chicken, chicken.

Chicken?

Yeah, chicken.

Yes.

Yes, we do.

Okay, can you make a chicken?

I can't hear you.

Can you make a fucking chicken?

right now waiting for someone to come out to bring it to me i'm in front of the fucking speaker shit

the the menu okay what is your name my name is cross bring it out i'm in i'm in number 12 i'm

sorry we don't have an order ahead under your name just come out here and bring me chicken

you have to order we'll come over here and pull down your pjs

pull down your pjs rama sweetie it sounds like it's just call everybody and say fuck

man that kind of a show yeah yep i think so you know i'm real mad uh sonic there's a sonic close

there was a sonic close to here i had just discovered their diet cherry limeades i got

hooked on them and then they closed the fucking sonic for no reason the whole and that sucks we

just lost our friendly i mean friendly sucks but our friendlies is closed oh man but yeah you know

friendlies makes a sandwich it's like it's like a hamburger it's a hamburger but instead of buns

is grilled cheese sandwiches.

It's really good.

That sounds pretty good, actually.

Oh, my God, it's good.

I mean, it's microwave,

but the concept is cool.

Yeah.

You can't microwave

a grilled cheese sandwich, man.

It'd be microwave cheese sandwich.

They microwave everything.

Microwave cheese sandwich.

Let's find out.

You're going to have a band

at your...

We'll play Applebee's.

You're going to have a live band

at your wedding?

Or is it going to be a DJ?

A DJ.

Okay.

DJ.

Will you have the electric slide?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm down.

All right, good.

Down for it all.

I'm actually...

In a few minutes,

I got to get off the horn.

and hanging over

at my buddy's house

we're doing a

he has like a

wrestling podcast

so

you're gonna wrestle

each other

okay

no it's just

he talks wrestling

and shit

and I go over

to help produce it

fucking wrestling man

got some beers

loaded up

that'll get you

you're gonna

you're gonna drink

the beers

like Stone Cold

in the podcast

yeah

I have Coors Light

nice

that's not beer

water

hey buddy

hey friendlies

yeah

do you still have

hamburger that's made

with cheese

that's made with grilled cheese

instead of hamburger buns?

No, we don't.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, grilled cheese hamburger.

No, we don't.

Why not, motherfucker?

Do you have grilled cheese sandwich still?

We do.

Well, can you make it for me then?

I can make that for you,

but I don't know how I'm going to charge you.

Well, figure it out.

I'm going to have to charge you grilled cheese,

and I'll charge you a burger.

I'll suck your dick.

Man, I'll fuck your dick, man.

What if I suck your dick for it?

Get the hell out of here.

Oh, come on.

sex come on sex get that right what god what he's got he's too highfalutin something that was weird

see they they're taking everything away man they're taking my sonic away you know and i just

i had just bought a gift card for the app because so i could pay for the app you have to get a

gift card you have to buy in advance i guess you're bad i made the news here and they're like

Like, there was no reason why.

It was always packed.

Hey, fuck.

Come on.

Don't be like that.

Not interesting talking to you, okay?

But I want, girl, jeez.

I'm not selling you anything.

You do it, I said.

I'm the customer, and you're a friend.

I don't care.

You're a customer.

You don't say anything to me, because I just record whatever you say to me.

You're not being very friendly.

No, I am not.

Well, you should read your mission statement.

Chinese or something.

It's got to be some kind of Asian descent.

Fuck out of here.

He's a, I would say.

Was that a Hawaii one?

Was that a Kanaka restaurant?

Hello, this is Friendly Rice Cream Makes the Meal.

This is Scott speaking.

How can I help you?

Hey, honey.

Do you still make the hamburger with grilled cheese sandwiches for the buns instead of the bread?

It's not on the menu.

We can make it.

However, we did close at 10 o'clock.

But you can make it?

Not this evening.

But, I mean, it's not on the menu, but we can customize the burgers that are on the menu.

Pick up the phone, though.

While you pick up the phone, you're not being very friendly.

Okay.

I worked for the company for five years, and I would never do that.

Well, I picked up the phone because we're still here.

What are you doing there so late?

What are you doing?

You cleaning the shit out of the toilet?

It's going to be one of those shows.

It's not.

Nothing very cerebral tonight.

Nothing very cerebral.

I love it like that.

That's what has me rolling, just the funny shit.

You know, just stupid, pointless conversation with these people.

It was great.

Yeah, I get afraid it's juvenile, but then I start thinking, it's fucking prank calls.

It's supposed to be juvenile.

Exactly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm trying to decide whether I should stop at McDonald's or Wendy's on the way to my buddy's house.

I do McDonald's.

Yeah, but they've died ass, so I want to close zero.

Oh, yeah.

I got Burger King.

Burger King, there you go.

They probably have a freestyle machine at Wendy's or Burger King.

Yeah.

Actually, in my area, they took an old bank that closed, like a Webster Bank.

It went out of business.

Mm-hmm.

The building was empty for the longest time.

They turned the bank into a Burger King.

It's kind of weird.

Oh, I found out why Coca-Cola hasn't jumped on the Freestyle Machine bandwagon.

So apparently they're very into their Coca-Cola.

They have a special arrangement with the corporation where they're like...

Oh, the Freestyle Machines?

Yeah, they don't want the Freestyle Machines because they're very particular about their Coca-Cola.

It's a separate formula.

It's a different formula that's only for McDonald's.

There's an arrangement between Coke and McDonald's.

They get their syrup delivered in aluminum tanks, not in the regular bags like most places do.

They're the only people that get this arrangement with Coke.

They want it a certain way.

They want it to taste a certain way.

I had no idea.

That's why they don't want that freestyle machine.

There's a lot of complaints about the freestyle machine.

doesn't taste the same and that it it mixes i like a freestyle machine i love it i used one today

at the grocery store they have one at a grocery store here i got a um i got a what did i get a

fanta grape today yeah they're good did you not pay for it you just grab the cup fill it up walk

around shop and not pay for the cup how did you know about that because i've been doing that i've

been saving the cups from the grocery store and leaving my car then i walk in i just fill up and

go i'm like they don't know they don't know they've never caught me doing it i've done it

a whole bunch of times yeah they don't i just i just go right up to the machine and i don't pay

for it you're a regular customer so whatever yeah i got their cup and they don't know it has the

name of the grocery store the cup hasn't gotten like all like ratty and gross if you wash it out

is it a paper cup or is it one of those plastic ones the they're paper cups you have to keep them

dry because if not i learned that the bottom will will break yeah i had to happen to believe in my

car yeah yeah if you leave a drink when the paper paper runs in your car it'll break up yeah

so after i drink it i'll dry it out with a napkin so that i could save it yeah yeah but no it doesn't

get too gross i change out the straw on the lid so it's not too bad i wash it out i wash it out

with more soda when i get there when i get there you know first thing i do is i wash it out with

soda then i fill it up yep do you ever uh grab like a bag of chips like a small bag and then

snack bag of chips and eat that while you grocery shop i do that sometimes no no i won't do that

no it's messed up no no corporate greed uh you have i don't know if you have stop and shop by

where you are but we have stop and shop the grocery store it's union and they're all picketing

because the profits are like two billion and they want to raise or like the employees their

their health care costs they want to make it like three times as much as as it is now so they're all

outside picketing and they're like all the stop and shops in my area are dead there's nobody in

them it's just all employees outside screaming and signs it's awesome shit fuck it that's how

eastern airlines got killed watch yeah yeah i should call stop and shop there we go yeah

complaining about the employees yelling i don't think it was a 10 or 11 you might check the

google's see well it'll tell me is it just in your state uh stop and shop in new york my my state in

mass so well i mean the the strike is it per state or is it the whole union oh no it's all it's all

three states all three states all right so pick whatever you want all right this one's open till

midnight let's do it perfect i think stop and shop sucks to be honest but good for those employees

like that's bullshit two billion dollar profit that's a kroger company is stop and shop is

It was owned by Kroger, I think, right?

I'm not sure.

I think so.

I know it's not.

It's definitely not IGA.

Thank you for calling your Middletown Super Stop and Shop.

IGA.

There was an IGA where I grew up and my mom would always call it the IJA.

The IJA.

Please hold while we connect you to the customer service department.

Stupid Puerto Rican mom.

How's your dad?

Hey.

Hello.

He's all right.

Hello.

Hey, listen.

I was trying to go there to do some shopping, and there was a bunch of employees out there

They're yelling.

Was this earlier?

Yes.

Was this today?

Yes, it was.

The employees were yelling, and they called me a scab.

The guy was holding a sign, and he threatened to hit me with a sign, and he pushed me around.

I apologize about that.

Let me take down your name and information.

What's going on here?

Well, currently, the company and the unions are negotiating for a new contract.

Negotiating my ass.

The union people were out there yelling.

Do you mind if I take your name and information so I can get more details about the...

Yeah, listen, they had a mannequin out there, and they said, this is the manager of the store.

What's the store manager's name there?

I was going to say they burned him in effigy.

Well, hey, let me run.

I've got to hop in my car.

It's raining.

Are you a Mixler right now so I can tune in on the way to my buddy?

Yep.

I'm a Mixler and tune in and all that stuff.

Yep.

All right.

Well, drive carefully.

Drive carefully.

Hopefully, get yourself a Baconator.

Oh, I hung up on him.

Whoops.

That was rude.

Bye, Ethan.

I'm going to be going to Ethan's wedding.

Yeah.

Prima Nocta for me.

I'm going to claim Prima Nocta.

Thank you for calling your hard-earned stop and shop.

You guys dare me to claim Prima Nocta?

I'll raise a glass of toast.

I declare Prima Nocta.

Please call while we connect you to the customer service department.

I'm going to do it.

Even with my wife there, I'm going to claim Prima Nocta.

If you don't know what that is, look it up or watch the movie Braveheart.

It was when the king got to go to the wedding and say he was going to fuck the woman.

Hurry, my knuckle.

Burring, please hold.

Hey, hurry.

So why are the people not going to the Stop and Shop?

You still got to go and get your gallon of milk.

Fuck.

Why people be buying that milk all the time?

Oh, my God, the milk.

We're out of milk.

Milk for my ass.

Thank you for calling the Hartford Stop and Shop.

This is Jackie speaking.

How may I help you?

Yeah, I went to the Hartford Stop and Shop earlier today.

i was going to do shopping i needed to buy milk you know for my baby's ass yeah and there were

a bunch of people outside yelling when i tried to go inside and when i got up to the door they

the guy pushed me around he put his finger in my face he was calling okay um he was calling me a

scab or something i don't know what's that mean what's this about that means that you're not in

the union and you're working anybody that's not in the union and working you're crossing the

the picket line and that's what they call you well i just wanted to uh buy a milk you know

yeah well you're doing their job they're trying to have people not do their job

so that stop and shop concedes to what they're asking for oh so you're hating you know what a

union is and a strike and everything right and you know why you guys are hired yeah your temporary

worker is taking their jobs away from them so you could see why they might be angry i was going to

to buy milk i wasn't going to work what don't get upset at me i know but they knew you you were

you were very union yourself what's going on i'm not very union you just don't seem to understand

i was under the impression during your orientation they explained to everybody

what could happen uh what you guys would be doing when you got here that you might have to

wait um no i didn't have an orientation i don't know is there a custom orientation you're saying

This whole strike thing is something new to all of us.

What part of I'm a customer?

I was under the impression.

What part of I'm a customer?

Wait, but were you not in here shopping?

I mean, I understand what you're saying.

All I'm saying is, did they not see you in here working earlier?

Did they not see you come out?

I mean, they probably have identified you.

If you are being harassed or pushed around, you should either call back into the store so they could have security go with you.

Or if you're here tomorrow, you could have security.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I thought you said you were the one that's working here.

No. I said I went to the Hartford Stop and Shop and I was trying to buy some milk.

And as I was trying to walk in, they started pushing me around and yelling at me.

Okay. I thought you said your name was Steve and the person that came here and worked today.

No.

Okay. I apologize. I misunderstood what you said.

We had a person here working today and I thought you said you were him.

Stupid.

And then you went out and then when you came back in, everybody was harassing you and misunderstanding what you said.

Oh, yeah. You were really throwing it in my face like I should know.

like you know i thought you said that like i knew what i was like you had no respect for me because

i was trying to work there what if i was steven what if i was trying to work there i i thought

during orientation they would explain well the possible situation well the fat is in the fire

the fat is in the fire yes okay if you are shopping and you feel like well throughout the

day this is a while ago okay i don't understand what was happening today yeah all i know is that

your employees were yelling at me that's all i know i want to make a formal okay we're on the

news and in the newspaper on the front page that is in the fire the fire okay so the union people

are a little bit hostile and that's why there's a police presence in the parking lot well they're

fucking assholes okay i've never been treated so rural at a grocery store before by the people

that work there okay like i said they are on strike so they are a little bit hot on the news

and it's and your attitude is a reflection i misunderstood what you were saying in the

the beginning i apologize ignorant but i i thought most people were aware that's why they're wearing

signs saying that they're picketing no um they are trying to have police and security available

and they shouldn't be harassing people they had a big huge conference call so you're today

are you a scab about what actions you're a scab i'm a non-union i did join the union when i was a

kid 30 something years ago and then i worked my way up once you get to assert anything okay so

So you're just calling to harass me?

Is that what you're doing?

Well, I'm here for non-binding arbitration with the phone.

Thank you.

Bye.

Bye, scab.

Fucking manager.

All right, we got something to work with here.

I got a call.

Just stay there, scabs.

I should have rung with them, Steve.

You knew what you were getting into.

Thank you for calling Yop and Shop.

Please hold while we connect you to the customer service department.

All right, I got numbers from Fartman.

Stirring, please hold.

Just take it too long. A caller. Hello, caller, you're on the air.

Hello.

Hey, you're on the air.

Yes, hello.

Phone Losers of America number one.

Who?

Phone Losers of America number one.

Phone Losers of America number one. Okay.

Yes, it is.

Maricón, ¿por qué? ¿Cómo está?

Okay, yeah.

¿Pero por qué no?

I thought that was the dead.

It was the night.

Thank you for calling the new Fairfield.

super stop and shop no i like you too you're good too you have cerebral palsy do you have

cerebral palsy hold while we connect you to the customer service department i hope not i don't

know you're

You're good, too. You and...

Hey, sir.

Hello?

Yeah, hey, how are you doing there?

You got a deep voice.

Suddenly you got a big dong.

Oh.

Hey, listen, I'm a customer.

I was trying to go in there earlier today after work,

and there were a bunch of people yelling.

I know there are some people outside.

They are trying to not be yelling out there.

Well, the guy was yelling.

He told me, you don't go in there, he said,

and he pushed me, and he put his finger in my face.

Yes, they shouldn't be doing that.

We haven't got many people doing that.

and most of the people out there have been very reasonable.

Well, what's the manager's name?

I wasn't here during the day, so I can't say what happened there.

What was the manager's name, Big Dong?

What's the manager's name?

Mike.

All right, so they had a mannequin, and they said,

this is our manager, Mike, and they were hanging it with a noose.

I don't know.

I didn't hear about anything like that, so I can't really comment on it.

Okay, what are you doing there anyway?

That would have been something they wouldn't have accepted, though,

so that's not what they're supposed to be doing out there.

Are you a scab?

What?

Are you a scab?

No.

fucking scab what are you doing there why aren't you uh watching the store shows nothing goes on

any problems overnight well you shouldn't be there you should be out you know with the union

you're a traitor okay uh i'll have a good night are you exempt are you an exemptor now

fuck that guy in his voice

you're on there hello hey super phone brothers number one

Just kidding, it's Dom.

It's Dom, what's up?

Oh, hi.

Just kidding.

Stupid phone brothers.

Yay.

Hi.

Stupid phone brothers.

I couldn't understand you.

Just stupid phone brothers.

I thought you were someone else, honestly.

I'm sorry I said you had cerebral palsy.

Did I sound different?

You did.

I'm sorry I said you had CP.

You don't have cerebral palsy.

I miss your shows.

Well, they're back, for what it's worth.

Not doing too good right now.

It's okay, buddy.

We still love you.

I love you.

We all love you.

i speak for everybody that's why i do this for love for me i can't hear what what what's the

matter you there's nothing going on i'm trying to get the phone to go through oh okay because

it went like that like it didn't do and i was like whoa yeah it's being a bitch you ever go

on okay buddy you ever go on strike no huh i want to thank you for calling your norwalk stop and

shop as long as i get paid i'll do it i'm not allowed to i think i have it in my contract

where i'm not allowed to strike can prank callers go on strike they just don't do a show like i do

all the time oh yeah let's do that let's all not go on let's do strike and then not do it until

people say please do shows please yeah and then and then we'll have to get a contract written up

and yeah yeah what would your demands be what would your demands be more pay hobby i would

just be like hey um i don't know i really don't know what i'd ask for like i don't want to separate

this garbage anymore hey well you're doing that you were separating stuff at a recycling plant

before yeah but i haven't been doing that for like a year already yeah that must have sucked

that must have smelled real bad now no it actually didn't smell too bad now that china

stopped accepting stuff it must must be pretty hard do that oh well they did that was a big

fucking thing with over there like we had to like make it perfect for china and shit like they'd like

go china's not buying our stuff yeah well now they're like there can only be one percent of

the wrong shit in it and they're straight up saying they don't want any more guard any more

stuff to go through because they have my place is fucked because they have enough they say they're

saying that they have the chinese government said look we have enough basically of our own stuff we

we can go through for materials i saw a whole documentary by vice on it it must be true thank

you for calling your greenwich stop and shop the same fucking people that say all that stupid

fucking like five celebrities that are actually short you to the customer service department

vice vice is a little different that's buzzfeed i think you're thinking about

i think you're thinking about looper and shit looper oh yeah yeah yeah looper that comes up

And I'm like, what the fuck is this?

I don't want to know about this shit.

Who are we calling?

The grocery store that has people striking.

It won't pick up now.

It must be closing.

This one here closed on 15 March.

Fucking, I was going to this grocery store that closed at 9.

Yeah.

And they already, like, closed, or, like, they turned off the little thing that allows the door to automatically open when you go in front of the sensor.

Okay.

Like, they turned it off at, like, it was, like, 8.50 when I was walking in.

And I see them all, like, ready to leave, and it's, like, not 9 o'clock yet,

and they say 9 o'clock closed, so I'm fucking trying to walk in,

but the thing's not opening.

So I just fucking open it myself.

Good.

Yeah.

And they all fucking look at me like, like, what am I doing?

Like, what the fuck for you guys to have fucking 10 minutes?

You guys better get behind the fucking register.

You got to lock the door.

Fucking lazy fucking Mexicans.

I know.

Please hold while we connect you to the customer service department.

Yeah, my first job was at a grocery store,

and i worked in college uh the grocery store i worked at was like the only one in this town

it was like a time right outside of orlando just east of orlando and it was um thanksgiving we

closed at like 10 p.m and we're gonna be closed the whole next day and this fucking guy right

when we closed he's banging on the wind banging on the door i need baby formula for my baby

me everyone's gonna be closed tomorrow and i told him sorry nope i said we want to be with our

family i told him to go to walgreens i told him go to walgreens the walgreens is right over there

was in the same plaza it's like double the price like whatever it's not my fucking problem you

know right but you said that's like right at closing it was close it was close no it was

time to close he was late he was too late and he was bang because he needed formula for his baby

Maybe in, like, all the stores or when they would close the next day.

Fucked up.

I told them, go to Walgreens.

They're open.

It's a church double.

Whatever.

Fuck you.

Really?

Yeah, no.

You said that's, like, right.

You was late.

The place I went to was 10 minutes before they closed.

What the fuck?

Yeah, they probably want to be home with their families, you know?

Fuck that.

You could fucking quit your job and stay at home, then.

Yeah.

Fucking Mexicans, like you said.

Jeez.

Fuck.

For real.

That's why we need to build the walls.

Hell yeah.

How's that wall going?

Fucking A.

You're in California.

Have you seen any of it?

Yeah, I actually got to talk to Trump myself,

and he said that he had the best wall.

It was the best wall ever.

Okay.

To believe him.

And he kept doing this thing with his finger,

like he was touching his index finger to his thumb,

and he kept, like, doing that in my face.

I was like, what the fuck?

He does do that, yeah.

Makes an okay sign.

No routes found.

Believe me, it's the best.

And I said, is it going along?

long and he said it's going it's going the best it's ever gone and he just kept saying that so

it's going good hey this is michelle is border cafe yes it is hi how's the wall going one more

time how's the wall going yeah are you building a wall on the border what would you like to speak

to my manager yeah i want to know about the border wall okay perfect okay this is on the

harvard campus harvard university harvard well they must not be that smart i'm gonna tell them

dude so yeah there's this fucking college town that i'm close to and i swear to god

college kids aren't i mean you know they keep up with their studies but education is not a

measure of intelligence because these fucking people are so stupid um i i was in it's like a

college this is college town and i was walking and i hear these two fucking girls having this

conversation and then like one says he says he's in miami and then the other one replies back no

No, he's in Florida.

And I'm like, oh, man, dude, you're fucking stupid.

You're just fucking dumb.

Dumbass.

Where do you think Miami's at?

Fucking idiot.

He probably thinks Miami's in Mexico.

Did you hear about that?

No.

Mexico's...

Yeah, I guess it was this big-ass thing that Fox News did where they said that thing,

but I guess, like, they fucking did it to, like, piss people off or something.

Like, it was, like, a troll or something.

I don't know, but...

Hey, how you doing?

Is this the Border Cafe, right?

Yes.

All right.

Are you guys building a wall?

No, we're not.

I know.

You need to build a wall, El Muro.

No way.

There is no walls, my friend.

He will never do that.

El Muro, El Muro.

No, El Muro.

Yes, to keep you out, to keep your family out.

We don't want no family out.

Yeah, keep your family out, because no.

No fucking way.

Hey, this is the border.

This is the border, motherfucker.

Where do you keep the families?

It's not going to happen.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, frijolero.

Frijolero.

Where are you from?

Oh, yeah, well, you were a soccer cleats to Quintanilla practice, puto.

Mira, payaso, that's not nice.

You know, we should support each other, you know?

We're all brothers.

Damn.

He's like, at least I'm not Mexican, motherfucker.

Oh, shit.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

2-0-6-7-2-5.

Are you there?

Hello?

Do you hear ringing now?

I hear music.

Music?

Everybody else, so that's fine.

Yeah, but you should be here.

It's bullshit.

Oh, no, I don't hear it.

I hear music.

I hear that, whatever the fuck that is.

It puts you on hold when I connect.

For a second, while I connect lines together, you'll hear the hold music.

Oh, yeah, I heard that.

I know it's picking up anyway.

Don't worry about it.

Hey, Parkman, if you got more numbers, send them in.

I see Lonesome Loser.

Hey, buddy.

What's up?

Maybe you hear ringing now?

Nope.

Fuck.

downtown man shop this is annie hello this is man this is man shop yep can you cut brazilian hair

we can cut all sorts of hair uh venezuelan hair yeah cuban hair all the hair puerto rican hair

oh sure all the hair not all of it i take that back well i take off all my clothes when i get

my hair cut are you coming in are you getting a haircut yeah do you shave yes we do shave

Do you shave the natural curly hairs?

Yeah.

Okay.

We close in five minutes, though.

Do you cut machine hair?

Oh, my God.

No, we don't.

What about egg hair?

No.

I'm in the middle of a haircut, so I can't really go on with this conversation.

Can you cut peach fuzz?

Oh, my God.

I'm hanging up on you.

Bye.

No, don't.

Oh, my God.

I was going to tell her what...

You can hear that.

Panejo.

I thought you said you couldn't hear the calls, or you were just repeating stuff based on what I was saying.

No, I couldn't hear the ringing.

I couldn't hear when she answered.

i heard her talking the whole time oh yeah oh but you don't hear ringing oh shit no it's like

the dwight mcclanahan show all right oh that's good that's good right yeah as long as i hear her

or whoever

yeah like that i don't hear shit right now but you're probably calling somebody right

Yep, yep, he's ringing me.

That's weird.

It is peculiar.

Me and Strange, we use Skype like idiots, so...

Hi, thanks for calling Lila.

We don't know.

We are either with or away from...

Fuck like.

See, I heard him.

I heard that little voicemail.

All right, so you can hear when they pick up, but you don't hear the ringing.

Okay.

Understood.

Okay, the Star Hotel.

Call after 8 p.m.

It's a restaurant, but it's called a hotel.

That used to be a hotel.

Okay, I'm going to make a reservation.

Skype, do you Skype?

Do you hear Skype ringing?

I hear that.

Dwight calling to join in, but I don't have Skype open on the right computer.

Hang on, Dwight.

I'll connect you, buddy.

Whoops.

How much longer are you going to go for?

I'm going to try to get another, at least another two hours in.

Hopefully, things pick up.

I'm going to open up the phone lines for you.

Is it cool if I probably join in the last hour on Skype?

Maybe the last 45 minutes?

Of course.

That'd be great.

All right.

Yay!

Woohoo!

Thank you.

Sorry for the confusion earlier when you called in.

No, no.

It's okay.

All right, bye, shit.

Hurry up.

Thank you.

I don't give a shit about the bitches that you used to screw, what your future do.

And we don't really care what you used to say, unless that affects your future pay.

I'm on the practice field running two a day, so I don't drop the ball when it's through my way.

So I don't give a shit about the shit that you probably did, who you probably is.

only one ob chef original ob ob man you gotta change your fucking name um sent the super chat

he says is the dead still alive i think he meant the dead what about charlie yeah the dead still

alive he was on recently he's super out of control charlie uh yeah he doesn't really

they don't really play around with the prank calls anymore though it sucks

charlie's still out there you drop is still open uh bieber believer for life with a super chat

donation thank you welcome back to the youtube you crazy bastard thank you sir and brother roy

donated as well he says i love you carlito you are my hero brother dash brother roy's all right

thank you big bro roy what's going on why does it take so long oh man taking long i need to make a

a reservation please one king bed but this is hotel you don't really use because there's no

i just need a bed and a pillow i just need a bed and a pillow and some privacy to wank off and

that's all i need no i want to stay here can i just get in the room no why not why you don't

open room this is whites only is that why no because we don't have we don't run out the room

why do you have a lot of cockroaches and stuff you have a lot of cockroaches is that why

Yeah, listen, I need to stay somewhere.

I'm on the road and everywhere has full vacancy.

I need to stay in the room.

I need a room.

We don't have any.

Bullshit.

This is Star Hotel.

One king bed.

What did it say?

Long-term rooms?

All right, here's the boot bar.

Thank you for calling Yoko Boot Barn where we have such boots on sale.

This is Melissa.

I'm going to put my foot in your ass.

Hello?

All right, an RV park.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Donna, double-dice RV park is not open.

Oh, hello, call.

Carlito.

Hi.

Carlito, what's up?

Mob 7 here.

How are you doing, buddy?

Mob 7, how are you?

I'm doing great, man.

Enjoying your show.

Driving up to the mountains.

My family and I are laughing a lot.

enjoying bullshit there's nothing to enjoy well there's nothing to listen to in the middle of

fucking nowhere so it's better than nothing thank god for that data plan yeah oh yeah

how you been man oh okay you know all right i'm doing better hanging in there yeah i'm doing

better how's the fitness thing going fitness good good good i ate clean all week this week and i

I've been down some weight, had a good week, did a lot of cardio.

I fucked up and had McDonald's earlier.

Awful.

Oh, no.

What'd you have?

Double cheeseburgers.

Like, damn.

I'm kidding.

I wish.

Salad shaker, McSalad shaker.

Oh, those are classic.

I don't think they sell that anymore.

Nah, they haven't sold them in quite so long.

They have the, like, special ones off.

You don't hear ringing?

I hear ringing.

Oh, okay.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

Hello?

Oh, yeah.

Hello.

Hi.

Hello.

Yes.

You have a cleanup of a dump site?

Yes.

Okay.

When is this going to happen?

On the 13th?

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

No, the 13th.

Tomorrow.

Okay.

Who's this?

My name is Kuro.

Kuro.

All right.

Are you going to come?

You know it, baby.

Where do you want me to come at?

I want you to come to McKinney Chapel Road.

Do you know where that is?

Is that near Horse Machine Ranch Road?

road it's just before you go over the hubie day bridge oh yeah over there by horse machine ranch

i know what you're talking about okay i did all right okay do it then you go down that

do i get to keep anything that i find do i get to keep anything i find in the dump site

i'm look i'm going to be looking are there any syringes at the dump site do you think

well if there are any we won't pick them up well i want to keep them i want them i'll work as long

long as i get any syringes that we find uh why i need them i use syringes for what you know for

my veins for your beans my veins my blood vessels for my feet so all right so incidentally so 9 a.m

are you guys gonna have any sandwiches or anything um well we'll have there'll be some snacks there

there'll be some granola bars and apple okay water and i'm gonna pack a bologna sandwich and

a banana okay and a lunch bag with me i'm gonna bring it and then i'm gonna break for lunch for

an hour at about 11 about about 12 all right so as long as i get to keep any any syringes that

we find i'm gonna keep them all right all right all right okay now what's why why are we cleaning

up the dump site what's going on is this some some environmental thing or what's going on is

This is going to be turned to...

Yes, it's Sierra Club.

Is this a super club?

Is this a super fun site?

No.

It's not?

You sure?

Yes.

Okay.

All right.

All right, so I got your promise.

Any syringes I get to keep?

Yeah.

All right, honey.

Bye.

Okay, bye.

Okay.

Dang.

Syringes.

She's fucking weirded out.

She's like, why do you want them?

What the fuck is this guy doing?

What's the dirty syringes?

Dang, you have a Mac.

Yay, those are cool.

I do not have a mic.

Oh, boy.

I don't have a mic.

Ding.

Oh, that was my iPad.

Yeah.

Sorry, my computer dings like that.

Yeah, it's okay.

You got to do the how many fingers in a long time.

That's a Dwight joke.

I could, but I'd be stealing from him.

Dwight, was it off-media?

It is Dwight.

I'm sorry, Dwight.

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

We all got some fingers in there at some point.

All the fingers.

Put them all in there.

Hey, Dom the Bomb and then Strange Life, huge shout-out.

But they're talking shit about Snapchat.

They need to stop that.

Oh.

That's, you know, I send dick pics to them all day with that.

I mean, they can't be complaining about that.

Fucking Snapchat.

I can't get into it.

No thanks.

You can't get into the Snapchat.

Nope.

Dwight, are you connected?

Are you there, Dwight?

Motherfucking Dwight.

Oh, fuck.

That kind of sounded like him.

I'll let you go, Carly.

I'll free up the line.

I'm just fucking sick.

I'm enjoying your show, though.

All right.

Careful driving.

shit cool everybody go to phonewinners.com phonewinners.com phonewinners.com no you have

reached the voicemail box of i see dwight as connected i don't know why i don't hear him

dwight fucking say something oh i think i have you off yeah you hit me off motherfucker hey

motherfucker i'm sorry now we're getting echo dwight mcclanahan yeah it'll adjust give me

give me a little to adjust its asshole adjust your face adjust your attitude please i will

Well, I'm going to adjust my crotch right now.

take another shit and film it for everyone to see

not only if we're live

if we do it live then that's one thing

on YouTube video

picture it didn't happen

you have reached the voicemail box of

it's too many sevens

like a Jen Stewart show

ah man

Man, this person wants VHS tapes if anyone has some to give away.

Oh, I got some VHS tapes.

Yeah, you still have big black pussy pumpers.

You briefly leave your name number and a brief message and we'll get back with you.

Damn them.

God damn them.

I had to go find that prank of yours for somebody the other day.

Yeah.

Bad salts, man.

Bad salts.

God damn you.

God damn you to hell.

The summary was great.

I said God damn you in your coffin.

God damn you.

God damn it.

Dope.

you've reached the weavers please leave a message we'll call you back thanks perverts the weavers

the perverts

with no hands and leave when the weed stop like my bitch is better when they walk

yay you got an audi audi anti-freeze fluid for sale yeah but i live in grass valley on the other

side of the sierras what's so funny what why i live probably 100 miles from you how do you know

that i'm always on there you know where grass you know where grass valley is in california

yeah yeah i live in the area oh this is my cell phone i used to live in vegas not anymore

oh okay okay all right all right yeah yeah i still have it yes

all right take it easy there sailor all right all right yeah sure all right i mixed a bmw

be a Mercedes, flew it together, and it messed up

my car. You know, probably.

What an asshole.

That guy's dick probably. Fucking Hank Hill

over there. His dick probably smelled.

Or not Hank, what was that? Anderson from

Beavisblood?

Hi, you reached the Davises. We're unable to take your call

at this time. Please leave a message

and we'll get back to you. God's blessing

to you and yours. Bye.

Bye. Pick up the fucking

phone, motherfucker.

You fucking Davis motherfucker. Pick it up.

Pick up, pick up, pick up.

pretty sure that was just a regular answering machine that's why god damn it that was a

telescope i had a funny idea for that a divorced mom and her teen daughter just moved in next door

and they have a pool you have reached the voice mailbox of five three oh my god son of a bitch

your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system five three zero seven nine

eight eight nothing works let me change the caller id maybe that's part of it your call

This call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

You should just call and start cursing at people.

That's what I plan on doing tomorrow.

You're going to let the anger out and curse?

No, I'm just not.

Thank you for calling Hurry Roll.

If you would like to place an order for a Hurry Roll,

Hurry Cane, or other free products,

please press 1.

For all other questions,

call the Hurry Roll customer service line.

We're sorry, but our offices are currently closed.

We are normally available Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m.

and Saturday, 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Central Time.

Yay, they're closed.

Your call really isn't.

Close it up.

If you get any lead on numbers, I'd appreciate it.

I'll take a look.

Okay, here I am looking on the map for numbers to call in Massachusetts.

Let's go further west.

Library is going to be closed.

Fire department, I shouldn't know.

Where are you?

Caller.

Hello, caller, you're on the air.

Hey, Carlito Machine, what's up, man?

Hey.

What's up?

Hey, it's Major Tinnitus.

Hey, Major Tinnitus, how you doing?

Man, I'm so fucking glad you're doing the show.

Well, it's not that good.

I mean, no one's really picking up, and I don't feel like I'm doing a good job.

You're doing a fantastic job.

Just because you're here, goddammit.

Goddammit.

Thanks.

Goddammit, you.

Thanks, big guy.

Hello, you've reached Laura at Infinity Equestrian.

I can't come to the phone right now, so leave me.

yeah yeah you can't pick up like everyone else some kind of horse calls huh yep all right

free tv thanks what's up just a thought uh we've been doing calls to arby's and trying to get them

to ring their customer service bell for various reasons yeah you know unlike you know i had that

idea a few months ago and i never did it because i went to arby's i saw they got a bell right there

by the door and i was like it'd be fun to call in kind of lunk alarm but i never did it because i

thought they wouldn't go for it no people we've gotten some decent ones not not you know like

not fantastic but like i thought just like a really good one you might have a shot what do

you are you calling from corporate telling them they need to bring it i think that's generally

how they they've gone so far dragon mirror had a pretty good random one somebody like not from

No, I'm kicking myself for not having done that idea.

Well, this is Jackie.

Unable to get to the phone right now.

Alright, a free toilet?

Dwight, nice.

Mike has a free toilet.

Alright, I forgot about you there.

Hi there.

Please leave a message.

I will get back to you shortly.

Thank you.

Hi there.

This is me against the world.

Good old music.

Like it.

Hello, this is Michael.

I'm a little busy right now.

Please leave a message.

I'll call you back as soon as possible.

at the tone please record your voice message when you are finished recording you may hang up or

press god damn i'm getting depressed no no don't do it cut myself okay man no no i'm getting ready

to cut myself are you a cutter you were good remember death fox he made up a rumor that he

was a cutter everyone started believing it i uh what really i fucking loved about death fox is

when he uh split to do his own thing he's like look at all these subs i got look at all this he

went to fiverr and bought a bunch of fucking subs so like all this shit like twitter followers and

a whole bunch of shit it was funny as fuck he's like i'll do so good since i left you guys i'll

pay five dollars the best five dollars i ever spent even the funny thing was somehow somebody

got a screenshot of the fucking purchase he had made for the fiverr hey dozer's here he's hearing

hearing all this it was so he was so out of control there was a i think that the local liquor

store had been told by his mom not to let him come in and buy shit he actually said that he said i

can't go to liquor store nothing nothing working that's what hey bobby bobby you have you know you

don't have you have batteries it's your fake ad bro what fake ad somebody put him in that's not

You have free credit card machine.

Hey, you fucking you, motherfucker.

I'm fucking you.

Don't say shit to me, motherfucker.

You put an ad, and I want the free card machine.

You fucking lying.

You fucking hacker, that's why.

All right, motherfucker.

I'll throw you down the volcano.

Meet me at Walmart, motherfucker.

Walmart.

Which one?

Papipi Road.

Where the fuck is Pipi Road?

Papipi.

Where at?

Pape People Road.

What the fuck is that?

Pape People.

Fuck you.

Why you push shit up, motherfucker?

Oh, someone played a joke on him.

He's probably been feeling the calls for like the last month.

Well, the fuck, that reminds me when we used to do that way back in the day.

We put up ads, and I'm pretty sure there was one.

What was it?

There was a fake ad put in.

What the hell was it?

It was for a free car.

oh uh it came up for like really really nice classic cars for like really fucking cheap

well and well as they would call in uh they kept getting sent to a papa john's somewhere in

california and like the papa john's ended up closing they closed their they closed the door

and everything like they locked the door and i put a sign up saying they didn't have a car

yeah the mustang i said the mustang got hit by a train and i had to get out of the denny's

parking lot yeah at some point there was like a whole there was like a couple uh tow trucks there

looking like in the parking lot looking for the car oh man good times yeah i don't want to tie

up the line though if people want to call i know it's boring all right no no man i'm listening i'm

paying attention i just i'm boring so i don't want to stay in line so like you guys do your

fucking thing i'm gonna sit here and chuckle all right go snuggle with your dog i don't have one

but yeah oh well get a love you honey baby get a pillow okay bye bye i'm sending you uh uh people

that are looking for a room to rent nice looking for so you know you offer them a room and then

they're probably not going to take it because you're fucking weird oh a dog oh an awesome dog

Dog and girl.

Nice.

She's marrying a...

Accused her of being married to the dog.

Did I send you the YouTube video documentary about people, like, women who fall in love with objects?

Like, there's a woman who got married to the Eiffel Tower.

No.

Oh, crazy.

No, I don't think so.

She decided she finally wanted to consummate the marriage, so she's at the Eiffel Tower.

She's straddling, like, a beam.

She has her vagina on.

Yeah, hi, Farrah.

Farta?

Hey, big girl.

girl. I see you're looking for a place for you and your dog. Uh, yeah. Okay. All right. Do you

share the bed with your dog? Are you married to the dog? Are you in a relationship with the dog?

No, it's just my dog. All right. Cause it's a pretty big dog. I always heard that women,

they get big dogs like that. It's only for one thing. She's a 50 pound pit. Oh, it's a she.

Okay. How many fingers can she take? Hello? How many fingers? All right. Yeah. Next is big Tony.

who's look furnished room wanted for a clean and quiet person furnish she's asking for a lot

jesus here we go leave your message for next please leave your message for uh why did i hang

up on toy shit yeah whoops i hung up on the wrong i hit the wrong hang up button

fucking skype right you tell don't make any don't make no sounds and it still makes some

fucking sounds fucking fucking uh there's a fix for that if i remember hello hello

Hello, I'm responding to your ad.

Hello?

Hello.

You have toddler swimming floating vest?

Sorry, I didn't get.

Can you tell me again?

You have a vest?

Which one?

I have actually some disturbance here.

So, go to the loader and send me a test.

I want it for your sister.

Hello?

I want it for your bendy sister.

Sorry, I didn't get.

Which one?

Banchot.

I want it for your sister.

I want to put it on your sister.

the floating vest for your sister i wouldn't hear it properly would you do you uh have a problem

do you have cerebral palsy stupid damn making me in prank sick angry prank angry prank angry

prank oh i'm just gonna end up taking a break in a minute here try to refocus i'm gonna drink

some everclear that might help out can i make a call sure i got the used authentic coach handbag

yeah coach bag my wife has a few fake ones here's a here's one to a motel i wouldn't mind talking to

all right this is the nashville motel motel no no no no and then i'll show you how to turn

them fucking notifications off yeah you do that motherfucker make yourself useful i'll try here

it goes i added a pretty good calorie deficit all week this week dwight good job man and i and i got

in my legs is sore fornicating i did my squats

yeah hi i need to make a reservation please

uh tonight for tonight and what kind of room you're needing

i just need the cheapest room for six men for how many nights you say six

nights no no six men for two nights one bed

no no no i i just need one room with one bed

and there will be six of us staying six of you guys staying in a one room

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, we can't have six people staying in one room, sir.

Yeah, yeah, but we're already doing that.

I just need to get another night reserved.

What room number you are in?

Well, it doesn't matter, because we're not going to have the same room.

Why don't you go ahead and just book us another room for another night?

Because I can't have six people in one room.

That's what I'm saying.

Well, because, to be honest, we're going to have to move rooms anyway.

We've pretty much trashed this place.

We have a friend who's in a wheelchair.

He was ramming the wall with it.

There's holes and stuff.

So we're just going to need to move rooms anyway.

You check out.

We haven't checked out. We're still here.

We're just trying to get another room reserved for tomorrow.

So you want to reserve a room for tomorrow?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Hey guys, settle down.

We're going to get this room. We're going to get another room.

That bed is soaked.

So what room number are you in right now?

It doesn't matter because we're not going to stay in this room because it's destroyed.

We need another room.

So do you need a double or a single?

No, no, just one bed.

We want to have the room on the floor for so many more activities.

And if we have another bed in there, it's just not going to work.

Because when we have the extra room, we have the dog.

We have the dog way down.

What's your name, sir?

My name is Dwight. How are you?

What's your name again?

My name is Dwight.

Stupid.

How do you spell your name?

D-W-I-G-H-T.

That's a capital T.

And your last name?

Um, I like, uh, is this for the reservation?

Because we're not doing the reservation under my name.

So whose, whose, whose name is the reservation going under?

I'm going to get Cross, because he, he, hang on.

He's breaking out, he's breaking one of the mirrors, hang on.

Hey, Cross, they want to put the room under your name this time.

I'm busy breaking windows.

He says the window won't open, so he broke it.

Sir?

Yeah, I'll call the cops on you now, okay?

Why?

Because you're breaking my property.

well he's doing it and he's not doing it on purpose though yeah it doesn't matter to me

because whatever you're doing on purpose or not you're not supposed to be doing it

whatever motherfucker listen if he wants to break something he'll break it he's got cerebral palsy

let me call the cops right now i know you don't call the cops i'll call the cops and tell them

on you well everything in that room is broke yeah i don't like that the echo on this new

mixer i gotta find a different different one i don't this one is too electronic

no it's not a good echoey yeah it's not the one i'm used to using this is number 13 no

no not this one 12 i think it's done at around three four 12 hello hey i'm in the toilet are

you shitting on toilet shit on toilet you got any more motel hotel oh yeah i got a whole bunch of

them man send this shit over motherfucker here's the the raper the rapist motel the rapist the

The therapist motel?

It says ropers, but it's close enough.

Rapers.

It's just a rapers motel?

Check, check, check me out.

You ever have a loose meat sandwich?

Uh, no.

No, I don't believe I have.

No?

No.

It's just like ground beef and it's broken up.

It's like a, you know, the hamburger meat's not in a patty form.

You just make it like a sloppy joe without the tomato sauce.

I heard there was a thing out there where you live.

No.

Well, Michigan has that raw beef one, right?

Isn't there one that's like raw, you just eat the raw hamburger?

No, I don't know what you're thinking of.

I didn't hear.

Internet said that.

You have reached the Roper's Motel for assistance.

Please dial 432-486635.

Oh, no.

Yeah, I thought it said now.

4-3-2 is not an available option.

It is.

Shut up.

Let's try room.

You have reached the Roper's Motel.

211.

2-1 is not an available option.

Option 2-1-1 is not an available option.

Fuck you.

No rapers.

Bulls.

This is a different hotel than Motel.

Yeah, motherfuckers.

Homer's being real quiet and sleeping on the couch.

Yeah, it's because you stepped on him the other day.

Now he knows who's the boss.

Poor guy.

I felt so bad.

I stepped on him.

Whenever I step on him in an accident, he gets real clingy.

He starts, you know, jumping.

You're giving me Homer hugs, I call them.

He gets on his hind legs and he puts both his paws on you.

and he goes back and forth with the two balls hello is hotel motel i keep doing that hey listen

um i'm in the room i'm in the room right now uh i'm not sure the room i think it's 212 yeah the

room isn't in my name and there's six of us in here my name is julio there's six of us in here

that's what i'm saying there's six we're six men in here total but the room isn't in my name i'm

saying i'm just here i'm a guest i don't know his name we met in a chat room online in a gay

website yes

Yes?

No, I'm not.

What do you mean?

You're going to have to report you.

Report me for what?

For fraud?

Asshole?

Yes.

I got your voice on record.

You're being taped.

like literally tape it's tape it's not digital you can continue you can continue being an asshole

you're not you continue you're being recorded you're being recorded too how do you like that

yeah that's fine okay fraud i'm fraud i'm fake news

you're fraud you're fraud you're fraud you're fraud he might be calling the cops oh shit what

What do we do?

For what?

Oh, police.

Call him back.

This guy called.

He's a fraud.

I'm like, alright.

Why are you wasting our time, dude?

Yeah, look.

Oh, okay.

Weird.

Hey.

You say I'm a fraud?

If I'm a fraud, would I do this?

You hear that?

Would a fraud.

I'm a real.

What did you want?

Well, I have a problem with the toilet.

212?

I think.

I said it.

The room isn't in my name.

There's nobody.

There's nobody in 212.

We're having a sex party in here.

here do you want me to get the guy who's got the room in his name hello this is where you answer

i said what room are you in i don't know do you want me to get the guy who's yeah all right i need

the room number let me get him shut up stop me why are you yelling at me why are you making this

so shit let me get fucker go fuck yourself fuck you in the ass whatever he didn't let me get the

guy fucker shit that was just caught all right i'm gonna take a break we're gonna come back

we'll call more hotels at least they're picking up right you can throw me in the elevator i'll

get on top you'll call you know yeah you'll call from the mainland my brother is in the toilet i

mean when we come back dwight mcclanahan will be here we'll be doing more calls maybe some more

craigslisty stuff i think hotels is going to be our savior tonight thanks everyone for bearing

You're in with 405-396-6884.

And with that, I take my break.

I take my leave.

I'm going to move my waters.

Put your GPS in your box.

Go to the bottom.

So when you die, you open a trap door at the bottom.

You check the GPS, and you go straight to hell.

Ad House Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

Yo, Chuck, what's the move, man?

Hey, okay, okay, I'm back, Jesus, take it easy guys.

Cardio is back.

Don't worry.

Let's get hype and do a good job now.

Thank you for calling the Golden Nugget.

Your call may be recorded for quality of service.

Nugget!

Please hold, and the next available agent will be with you momentarily.

Thank you.

This is Donna.

How may I direct your call?

Hey, Big Donna.

How are you?

I'm okay.

I'm having a problem here.

Okay.

How can I help you?

There's someone keeps knocking on the door.

Do you hear him?

Yeah.

Dad, did you order something or service?

No, why?

They keep knocking on the door.

No, you need to answer it.

No, it's a black guy.

I looked through the hole.

Hey!

All calls may be monitored or recorded.

Security dispatch, this is Jen.

Is this an emergency?

No, I don't think so.

I hope not.

Okay, what are we looking for?

What are we doing?

Well, I ordered room service,

and there's, like, the guy, he's here now.

He's knocking on the door.

Okay.

But I don't want to answer because I looked at him and I don't like his kind of people.

Okay, so you can notify room service and have another server come up?

Yeah, but are they all like these dirty people?

I don't know what that means.

You know, they got a skin problem.

Well, what does that mean?

He's got a skin problem, you know?

He won't, he's very insistent.

What is your room number?

212.

In Gold Tower?

Yeah.

Okay, I'll send someone up there.

okay please make it a clean person okay okay all right oh shit okay i can't find my drilling

sound effects i have like construction sound effects there it is there they go all right

have you sent more numbers dwight just say no just say it summer's barking at the sound effects

i don't know if you can hear me what's up buddy it's okay until i get someone picks up

do you like that sushi there uh dwight uh i haven't had too much of it uh from what i've

head wasn't bad you'll eat you'll eat shit even i know you no the only thing was it was like

imitation fucking crab it was fucking pollock and stuff uh that imitation crab what is it soy

it's japanese i know they know it's just a pollock uh fish is all it is it's not crab

pollock pollock pollock yeah it's it's a pollock don't they color it and like with the red and the

white and all that yeah i thought the imitation crab meat was just like straight up like some

some kind of protein no it's it's pollock fucking fish different fish because i got i got something

the other day that was it wasn't too bad uh from the store and i was like it was pretty good and

then i'm like i wouldn't even fucking crab liar huh i wouldn't mind i don't mind imitation crab

i kind of like it on a salad yeah these were in rolls or whatever i was like okay the phone

phone will not dial here we go get it i have to get rid of the spaces i think spaces that's

what happens when there's too many spaces quality assurance purposes oh i guarantee it treasure

island hotel operator this is norma how may i direct your call treasure island you've you've

reached the hotel you've reached the treasure island the hotel what were you looking for

i'm in a room and um there's like the guy i the people in the room next to us are drilling into

our bathroom they're drilling yeah okay what room are you in 212 okay give me your whole room i

I think they're putting in a glory hole.

Oh, really?

Okay.

Well, I have to call security, but in order for me to call security and send them up there,

I need your whole room number, the five-digit number.

212?

Would you mind going outside and looking at the room really fast for me?

Because I need five digits.

No, I already got into an altercation with the person outside.

Hello?

Hi.

2-0-2-1-2.

Okay, give me one moment, please.

I told you to stay in your room, motherfucker, didn't I?

I told you don't come out anymore.

You stopped drilling.

I'm going to activate the other drills, you son of a bitch.

I think I'll be good here.

2-0-2-1-2.

Yeah, that was right.

Bitch.

2-0-2-1-2.

So that's an invalid room.

You're invalid.

You're an invalid.

Security on the line, sir.

Go ahead.

Yeah, hi.

Security, how may I help you?

They're drilling a hole for their penis into my room from next door.

What's your room number, sir?

2-0-2-1-2.

I said, fucking...

You're on the 20th floor, sir?

Yeah, and the people next door are drilling a hole into the bathroom, into my bathroom.

Okay, what is your room number, sir?

The guy said he was going to stick his dick through it for me to suck it, he said.

He said, just wait a minute, like that.

What is your room number, sir?

202212.

You got a listening problem?

No, I do not have a listening problem, sir.

I'm asking you for your room because the room that you're giving me is not a valid room in our hotel.

Hey, try sticking your dick through this hole now, buddy.

I think we're through.

Yes.

Can I do what?

Will you tell us the room number?

You said you were on the 20th floor, but what's the room number?

212, I think.

Yes, but if you're not sure, you can call 898.

How do I find out?

Will the TV tell me if I turn it on?

Will it show the room number on the TV?

Okay, what's going on?

What do you mean?

Yeah, what is it you need?

Well, the people next door are drilling into my room.

The people next door are drilling into your room?

Yeah.

And you say you're on the 20th floor, but the number that you're giving us, it's not a valid room number.

Yeah, I'm asking, how do I find out and make sure the room number is correct?

Okay, you could open the door, and you could look on the side, and it'll give you the room number.

If I turn the TV on, will it tell me on the TV?

We'll try that.

It doesn't say.

On the TV, it doesn't know.

There's a lot of numbers on there.

Okay, well, what you need to do is then go.

on the remote do you want me to read these to you no i need for you to get up and then go to the

door and look to the left and four five six seven eight nine on the remote and then the zero sir if

you're prank calling us i will transfer your call to metro transfer to your ass i thought

she's transferring metro fuck metro metro can't do shit water water thanks for calling extended

When you stay in America, Las Vegas, East Flamingo, welcome to our hotel.

Please choose from one of the following four simple options.

Four sales or group reservations, that's one.

For all other reservations, two.

Two weeks a guest, and you know the extension, three.

For the front desk, four.

All of your stars repeat this menu.

Hello.

Yes, can I help you?

Talk like a man.

Hey, listen, we're trying to...

Jesus.

hate that shit i hate people talk like that yeah i wanted you to play that prank i was

fucking cracking all power you were like you were like

he didn't sound like that yes that's me earlier in the week i was listening to it today

yeah hi we're trying to drill through the bathroom uh the bathroom wall can you what i'm

we're trying to drill through the bathroom wall are you there stupid caller hello a caller hey

there how are you oh yeah i'm good excellent this is lorasa for trump calling and long time

listener first time uh you're a long time first time that's that's so cliche to say that you know

it is it is it's like a it's like a you know larry king type bullshit yeah what took you so long to

call anyway i've called before i left you uh kind of a humorous prank let me turn down my radio what

What the hell is going on here?

There we go.

Yeah.

Yeah, I called in previously and left you kind of a humorous message,

pretending like I was Daniel Carver from the Ku Klux Klan.

Wake up, white people.

Yeah, you got it.

You got it.

Thank you for calling the Paris, Las Vegas Hotel and Casino.

For room reservations, please press 1.

For restaurant reservations, please press 2.

For the box office, please press 3.

For all other inquiries, please remain on the line, and you will be connected to the hotel operator.

I've got to ask him for a border tour. We've got to call some border hotels.

Thank you for calling Paris, Las Vegas. Your call may be recorded for quality assurance.

Like the border bar I called earlier. The guy got upset.

Thank you for calling Paris, Las Vegas. This is Brad. How may I help you?

Hey, Brad. I'm a big fan.

How can I help you, sir?

We're trying to drill through the bathroom wall here to get to look into the other bathroom on the other side.

But can you tell us what's in between these walls?

Because we're having trouble just so we know what kind of drill bit to use.

No, I couldn't tell you that.

Do you have, like, the plans, or do you have any suggestions?

I can connect to engineering in one moment.

All right.

Engineering.

We're going to speak to George.

Your call may be recorded for quality assurance purposes.

Is this Geordie?

Hello.

Thank you for calling in Paris, Las Vegas.

My name is Kristen.

How may I help you?

This is Jordy.

Hi, Jordy.

How can I help you?

Hi.

Yes, we're drilling through our bathroom wall so we can look into the other bathroom and

to the room next door.

But we're coming.

It's very hard to get through.

Can you tell us what kind of material is in between these walls?

Let me get you on the phone with our engineer at the senior watch station.

Let me place you in a brief hold.

Okay, Jordy?

okay thank you thank you one moment please probably gonna have to crawl through some of

the jeffers yeah jeffers tubes almost got him boys relax nothing's wrong nothing is wrong

hello watch are you able to help me because we're trying to drill through the bathroom wall

bathroom wall where at in the room and we're trying to so we can see the girls on the other

the side where are you at now i'm in a room what room 227 227 227 the wood floor 227 we're on the

20th oh 20th yeah stupid 227 but uh are you at paris yeah i'll be right up are you gonna help

us drill the hole uh no but i'll come up there for what well what is it you want to know we just

need to know what kind of materials in between these walls because we're having trouble with

the drill bit that we got here probably metal studs are you what kind of bit you use uh four

quarter inch carbide it's carbide we got carbide yeah yeah tungsten but we might be running you

might be running hey me right he's fucking looking through the hole again at the women

so what is what do you suggest um i don't know let me come up there i haven't had any

bring your tools bring your tools bring a drill because there's these pretty girls next door we

We want to see them showering.

Uh-oh.

I want to see them pee.

There's some electrical arcing in here.

I think we, like, drilled into the power.

All right, enough of that.

I'm going to watch them pee.

You want to watch them pay, too?

Pay?

They're going to pay.

They're going to pie.

Dude.

Hello, caller.

You're still there?

Yeah, I'm still here.

Hey, old man.

Thank you for calling Days Inn by Wyndham, Las Vegas, Wild Wild West Gambling Hall.

To make a reservation.

Drug house.

Press 1 to modify an existing reservation.

Press 2 to speak to the front desk or for any other inquiry.

Please press 3.

I'm going to say we're trying to make a drug den.

Calling the Days Inn, Las Vegas at Wild Wild West.

For directions to the property, please press 9.

For room reservations, please press 1.

For the front desk, press 2.

If you know your room number, press 3.

Cook some meth in that room.

Who knows, you know?

Some big vats in here.

Yeah, we'll cook the blue mess, you know, the good stuff.

I should binge that again.

That was a great show.

Dave's in Las Vegas.

Fisher speaking.

How can I help you?

Yeah, hey, we're trying to drill through the walls here.

We're trying to build a drug den here in the bathroom.

Okay, cool.

What's your name?

227.

227?

Yes.

Okay.

Anything else that you know?

Well, can you let us know what kind of material is in behind these walls?

I'll have engineering come down and share inquiries.

No, we don't want to talk to Geordie, then.

Who's Geordie?

Geordie with engineering.

Geordie LaForge.

I don't think we have Geordie LaForge here.

You don't have Geordie?

Or Commander Scott, you know?

Commander Scott could be there.

Yeah.

I think you may have the wrong number.

Is Snake there?

I don't know who Snake is.

Oh, man.

You don't know Snake?

I don't think so.

Unless you're talking about the tool.

Yes.

Cool.

I don't think we have a Snake.

We want to put it...

Is there anything else I should know?

Yeah, we want to put the Snake in the toilet.

Okay.

Okay, now which room are you in, you said, again?

227.

227?

Yeah, we're going to move this toilet out of here, by the way.

It's in the way.

We don't have a 227 there.

Oh, shit.

Well, I don't know.

You do now.

We're subletting the rooms.

We're Airbnb, you know?

We're subletting those different drug dealers, you know?

Yeah, we're making a drug den.

You're in the trailers.

Gotcha, cool.

Yeah, we're making a Matt Hillock drug den here.

Okay, cool.

Is there anything else that you know?

Is there anything I can get you guys at all, like a cold water?

This is the drug room.

Can you get us some ashtrays?

Ashtrays?

I can definitely do that for you guys.

Ashtrays.

I got some Gatorades on the way as well.

You guys want some Grubhub as well?

Yeah.

Some pancakes.

All right.

Cool.

Where from?

Pancakes.

Oh, pancakes.

Gotcha.

Okay.

Cool.

Okay.

From your mom's house.

She makes them really good.

All right.

Will do.

She makes it for me in the morning after I bang her.

I got you.

Gotcha.

All right.

Good luck with that.

Have a good night.

Bye, cunt muffin.

Bye, sweetie.

Dropped my lighter.

Nothing's funny.

I can't be funny tonight.

I'm back.

All right.

Here's an Indian restaurant.

You know them.

You know how they do.

Chow, chow, chow.

What I need to do is a daytime show.

What's up, you?

Hi, sexy.

Hello.

Hey, how are you doing?

Good.

Are you dark?

Huh?

Are you dark?

I'm not dark, man.

Who are you?

Oh, I don't want dark Indian people.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

You like the light Indian people?

Okay, what do you want?

uh one order of butter chicken okay okay okay okay i'm thinking i'm thinking hang on

one chicken tikka masala okay okay one bunch of

i'm gonna make you suck they made you suck but you're trained

please

wife was an asshole she was like he would

would have understood if it happened to her but yeah you know he breaks down tells his wife look

i got mouth rape on the job you let them do that it's like a saudi arabia when a woman gets raped

and they blame the woman you got raped you must have been asking for it now we're gonna stone

zero two shit been wearing that button down shirt and tie motherfucker you would ask me for it sick

can't take your you all right caller thanks for calling in there buddy i'm gonna all right thanks

for letting me hang out you have a good one good yeah sorry sorry it sucked thank you bye

All right, caller is gone.

Good.

Damn.

He was always talking shit.

He didn't like you.

He didn't say hi to you.

He's the new milkman.

Hello, and thank you for calling the Shalimar Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada.

If you know your guest's room number, you may dial it at any time.

Otherwise, you can simply press 0 for the front desk operator, 1 for the Florida Cafe.

Again, thank you for calling the Shalimar Hotel.

Shalimar.

You are being transferred to the operator.

Okay.

Pick that up.

That's nice.

Very nice.

Hello, and thank you for calling the Shalimar Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada.

If you know your guest room number, you may dial it at any time.

Otherwise, you can simply press 0 for the front desk operator, 1 for the Florida Cafe.

Again, thank you for calling the Shalimar Hotel.

Does this second dial the room at any time, or does it extend?

Yeah, I think so.

you are being transferred to two two seven that extension is not valid please try again

you try again see what happens no i said it's not valid you know you are being transferred to

one you are being transferred to the operator they don't want to talk to nobody they don't

got no customer services damn well i'm out of ideas okay i got an idea what i don't know let's

Okay, let me

I'll give you this

You sent new numbers, are these more hotels somewhere else?

Yeah, yeah, they're hotels

You know, I'll give you this hotel

And I'll yell at them for you

Oh, yeah

I wasn't getting any more of those Skype sounds

I thought you were taking care of it

Nah, it comes and goes

Thank you for calling La Quinta in Lafayette North

For reservations, press 1

For directions to the hotel, press 3

To reach a guest, press 4

To reach the front desk

Yeah, services, this is Bria speaking.

How can I help you?

Hey, how are you doing there, baby?

I need to be transferred over to room 236.

Okay.

Thank you for calling.

The desk you are trying to reach is not available.

Please call back later.

Damn.

Well, that was short fucking lived.

I mean, she's all about it.

We might be able to get her to do a survey and send us to a room that's occupied.

There you go.

All right, here she comes again.

Thank you for calling La Quinta in Lafayette North.

Section 4.

Shit.

Well, I dialed it.

Services, this is Bria speaking.

Hi, yes, this is Dwight.

I'm calling from the corporate office of La Quinta, and we need to speak with a guest in a room.

We're going to do an evaluation on the cleanliness of their room, as well as the service that they've received at the front desk.

Okay.

And so if you could just transfer me to the first available guest that you have on the books, and I will go ahead and do the survey with them.

Okay, first available guest, let's see.

Okay, I'm going to transfer you to 107, they're the guest in the first room on our list.

Okay, and what is the first name of the guest?

the guest name is going to be brian hawkins okay thank you you're welcome thank you for calling

lakinta infant let me mess with brian hang on i'm gonna call her back yeah thank you for calling

lakinta in lafayette north for guest service this is andre can i help you oh yes i was being

transferred to uh brian hawkins room and i was disconnected okay i'll try it one more time all

right thank you thank you for calling yes hi mr hawkins yes okay my name is cross i'm with the

the front desk is there a problem sir no what well you we're getting a lot of complaints about

you have you been trying to drill through the bathroom uh wall to get to the other to look

into the other room next to you who is this is across the front desk no i don't even know well

we got a complaint that you've been trying to drill a hole through the bathroom wall to look

into the other bathroom in the room next to you the person in the room next to you listen keep

I've been laying in bed.

Keep your penis to yourself, okay?

You pervert.

I really fucked that up.

I really did nothing with that.

I'll call a different hotel.

What is wrong with me tonight, man?

Jeez.

We need to get a hold of Note Man and make him come out to Chicago for the meetup now since he's got plenty of notice.

Nah.

Best Western last year.

Shakira speaking.

Hello, Shakira.

Hi, how are you?

This is Dwight.

I'm calling from the corporate office of the Best Western, and we're trying to do a customer satisfaction survey with a guest.

we need to be transferred to a room so we can ask them about their satisfaction with the service as

well as the cleanliness of their room okay so you need me to transfer you to just any room yeah just

to a an available guest in a room okay okay okay okay fucking shakira who do you think that's

what's in that yeah shakira speaking hey how you doing there shakira we got disconnected on the

transfer yeah i was trying to um i pressed the hold button on the phone i don't know what it

Okay.

It is stuck.

Let me try on the phone.

Stupid.

Hello?

Yes, I'm still here.

Hello, ma'am?

Hello?

Yes.

I was just making sure you were still there.

Yeah, it's telling me it's busy.

Every room I try to, I don't know why.

Is it possible that the Do Not Disturb After Hours program has went into effect?

I just got on at 11, so, I mean, I didn't set it.

I don't know why it would be on.

Yeah, yeah, I would check that, because sometimes we turn on the Do Not Disturb for overnight.

Yeah, well...

Oh, pardon me, I have gas something fierce tonight.

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

Da-da-da-da.

All right, this chick's stupid. I'm hanging up on her.

She can't work the phone machine.

It's really disturbing how those last two people were able to talk right past him.

Yeah.

Thank you for calling Collegium City. This is Roger speaking. How may I help you?

Hey there, Roger. I need you to go ahead and transfer me to the first available guest that you have. I need to ask them a few questions.

What do you mean?

I'm with the corporate office, and we have to do a satisfaction survey on how they were treated when they checked in, and also the cleanliness of their room.

I can't connect like that, sir. You can come and ask the people in the morning if you want to.

No, go ahead and transfer me to 215.

Whose name on it?

It doesn't matter. I'm with the corporate office.

It doesn't matter to me either, too.

Listen, Bancho, you do your job, and you transfer phone.

No, but I need the negate's name.

Yes, well, my name's Dwight, and I need to speak with him ASAP.

For what? What kind of corporate office are you calling from?

Hey, hey, I'm with transportation. I need to talk to him. They have a taxi.

Transportation? But this is a motel, sir. This is a motel.

Yes, yes, I know. I have to put him in the cab, and I've got to rifle him over to the airport.

So get him on the phone so I can talk to him.

Nope.

Mmm.

Angry. Mmm.

Oh, I think he did it.

Oh, he might have.

Sweet.

Yes, hello.

Hello?

Yes.

I talked to them.

They said they're over in 117.

Who?

The person I need to talk to.

Problem with your bathroom?

I don't think so.

Okay, well, there's a complaint that you might have a lot.

Well, I'm in our employee bathroom right now.

Uh-huh.

Coming up to your room to use your toilet.

Hello?

Yeah, hey.

Yeah, we have a complaint that you're flushing the toilet.

The computer reports that you're excessive flushing.

Okay, well, I don't know.

Okay, you're saying that you're not flushing the toilet, that you're in bed?

Yes.

Are you doing any fornicating?

Really?

Or are you being so sheepish?

I can't listen to that just ass ripping for the longest time.

I was like, oh, I wonder what's going on.

Uh-huh.

All right.

That Indian guy just kept transferring.

He actually transferred us.

I'm surprised.

Yeah, after he started arguing all that, I was like, all right, no fucking way.

And, you know, he was letting everybody speak to us.

He's got to do it.

He's a good guy.

He's going to do it.

Thank you for calling the Link Hotel and Casino.

For the lowest rate and to never pay a reservation fee, go to Caesars.com.

Are you calling to make a new reservation or to inquire about rates and availability?

Say yes or press 1.

For all other inquiries, say no or press 2.

No!

For further questions, Caesars Entertainment is very interested in your opinion on the interaction you're about to have with one of our representatives.

Are you willing to stay on the line and answer five brief questions after you're finished with the representative?

No.

Please say yes or no.

No.

Sorry, I didn't understand your response.

No.

All may be monitored for quality assurance.

Please have your credit card available for faster service.

calling the link hotel and casino in las vegas my name is bella may i have your

your name is balrog hello hello is your name is about your name is balrog

sorry sorry but i'm having a time hearing you because i'm on the toilet i'm pooping

pooping on the toilet yeah can he i can hear you now a little bit can he have your free

sunglasses well i'm on the toilet right now and i'd rather not give that information out if i can

avoid it i was at the restaurant here and i had some of the crab and i guess it was bad

Okay.

So now I'm pooping, and there's so much poop that it's coming, it's filled the bowl up completely.

It's starting to come up over.

Oh, yeah, for that one, I do apologize, sir, but you have to communicate with the front desk directly.

I thought you were actually calling Central Room Reservation.

Well, can you come clean the toilet?

Oh, I do apologize.

I do not have access to connect you.

What I can do for you is I'll give you the number.

Just call them, okay?

Do you hear my ass?

Yes, sir.

Your line is really breaking.

speaking that's because i'm pooping you hear me farting i'm pooping and shitting

so you can't help me is what you're saying all right shut up i'm done with this this is going

nowhere i'm getting nowhere with the calls or with myself right now it's time to go no yes

everyone dwight will be doing a show tomorrow correct yes suppose he'll make up for me tonight

Well, I'm going to do the show, and then I'm skipping next week.

Oh, okay.

It's my birthday next week.

I'm going to skip it and actually go do something.

All right.

Well deserved.

Enjoy yourself.

You don't have to do a show on your birthday.

Yeah, you should see me, man.

I got a haircut a week before California, and I haven't gotten one since.

And my hair is all fucking long, and I haven't shaved, so my face is all scraggly.

I'm going to not shave, and I'm going to go to Chicago, because I'm going to be a real hobo.

All right.

I'm going to be a John Lennon.

Cool.

I'm going to be a Julian Assange.

Yeah, the fucking guy.

Didn't he look fucking rough when he got arrested?

Yeah, man.

That's what happens when you fuck Pamela Anderson.

I heard that he smeared poop all over the embassy wall.

Did he?

Yeah, that's what we're doing as reports.

Ecuadorians had enough.

He keeps spewing his poop and thrusting his hips at everyone.

And grunting going, oh, that's so sick.

Yeah, that was Julian.

He did it.

Yeah.

all right i'm out of here see you dwight i will disconnect you right now fuck fucking dude all

right guys hey i tried i tried my best i just didn't have it in me tonight numbers weren't

hitting off it happened sometimes but i want to thank you all for being entertained by me tonight

at least at the very least thanks for being entertained by carlito i loved you all rest

in peace kitty k i'll catch you here next week you should check to see if there are any more

donations that i should give a shout out for uh face big face from the 18 face 864 sent the super

chat on youtube said good to see you back thanks man juwan juan 087019 donated through super chat

did not leave a message thank you and there you go and now we're all caught up now we can go

all right everyone dying of fire

Calls (37, 1 h 32 min of 2 h 23 min)

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