Operation Wolf

I don't know why you're being so rude.

Because this keeps happening.

Okay, it's not our fault.

Yeah, I mean, they're going to be your best bet.

I mean, we definitely might be able to try and...

Okay, all right, thank you.

Bye, stupid ignorant.

Okay, bye.

I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live.

I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito.

That's my big amigo, so just kick back to listen to this cat call.

People, when this show goes live, I'll be like, yeah, this shit's bitchin'.

Stop whatever I'm doing to tune in and listen.

You can catch me in the back of his home at Horse Machine Ranch Road

I'm busting mad fat flows for assholes and banchos

My spit crazy, shout out to Big Amy, that's nice honey baby

We kissing pussy, so ladies set your labor, yeah

It's crazy how the stuff that my bruh might say to ya

Face it cause it's the number one prank cast

Stay back if you can't handle all the straight laughs that we hand to your dome

And if you want, call the number, you can listen to this show on the go

Big up to the man in the madhouse

We show love, just stick your motherfuckin' hands up

Some come close, but they can't get it right

Let the king do his thing, it's time for Madhouse Live

Speak up to the man in the madhouse

We show love, just stick your motherfuckin' hands up

Some come close, but they can't get it right

Let the king do his thing, it's time for Madhouse Live

They got no business negotiating

Better be going back in there with a bullet for everybody in the yard

Is that right?

We do it now, we do it later

Later ain't gonna be no use

Right, Hal?

Wait, wait, wait a minute

A lot of the angry guys in there, black Muslims, Panthers, young lords, besides you, the average antisocial.

We gotta go in, right? Clean your clocks!

Fucker.

Hey, Palomino, that's a type of horse, right?

How do you serve the horse?

We don't serve horses.

Oh, I thought this was a French restaurant or something.

I'm sorry?

I thought this might have been a French restaurant or something.

Oh no, we're Italian.

oh okay so in the war i was i'm a veteran of operation wolf from 1987 and we had to eat a

horse and ever since then i've had a taste for it oh wow yeah that's a crazy story so i mean i

looked this up and it says palomino so you don't serve horse meat nope do you know anywhere that

would i do not how's the tuna there um we don't have tuna either no we do have a really good

mahi mahi though oh okay that's like tuna right not exactly but i'm sure if i go to the women's

room there's a lot of tuna in there you stink do you stink so oh no okay how do you keep that in

check um i'm not really the person to ask about that oh you don't do anything for that all right

sorry we don't have horrors okay well do you have a manager to talk to you said one second here

Awesome Rolls

Yeah, Heather, hi

I'm waiting for my car up front

My car

Yeah, I was just in there

And now I'm waiting for the valet to bring back my car

Yeah

Fucking call

Jonathan, I could have sworn you were a girl.

Hey, this is a roastery, right?

Sure is.

I'd like to make an order for one roast beef.

For one roast?

Yeah.

Sure.

Why don't you come on down and pick that up?

One roast beef sandwich?

He was not happy.

Hours of operation, press 1.

To speak with a team member from one of our product teams, press 2.

To speak with a customer service team member, press 0.

Yeah, I need help with my Amazon Echo device.

All right, that's a little outside my area of expertise.

What's going on with it?

You're an Amazon employee, right?

We all are, yes.

Okay, so then I need help with that.

Can I bring it in for a refund?

If you bought it here and you have the receipt, I don't see why not.

No, I got it from your website.

Oh, that's a completely different thing.

We can't take returns from Amazon for purchases done on the website.

Come on, you guys can work something.

out i mean it's the same company you can figure it out right do you have a contact number someone

i can talk to over there um well we have the the management team is here you want to talk to one

of them yeah hurry up oh hold on just a moment hurry up stupid hey it's just some whole words

market stuff again and how may i help you yeah i ordered this amazon alexa thing and okay it

doesn't work right okay i need to get support for it please okay uh did you order off of amazon.com

Yeah, I understand you guys are an Amazon company now.

Can I bring it in?

You guys show me what to do.

Yeah, I mean, honestly, I think your best bet is to either try Amazon.com or call them.

I mean, we might be able to help you.

I try and try to call.

Uh-huh.

And you've had no luck with them?

Yeah, you stupid.

Yeah, I mean, they're going to be your best bet.

Stupid ignorant.

I mean, we definitely might be able to try.

Okay.

All right, thank you.

Bye, stupid ignorant.

Okay, bye.

Bye.

Does Amazon have a number I can call?

I know you used to be able to, like, chat with Amazon, and you'd see video of them.

You'd go to, like, a chat website, and they would actually connect you to an Amazon person.

I always wanted to do pranks against that, but it was during a period of time I was not doing shows, and I never got around to it.

Ugh, someone has parts for a Honda Accord, yeah.

Sorry, the person you called has a voicemail box.

Hey, how you doing there, Balls?

I've been better. You looking for a carpenter's helper?

uh we've been looking uh might have someone i got a hammer i got a hammer you got a hammer

yeah well that's good it's a star day yeah i i can hit things i can hit things with the hammer

well that's good fun like are you the carpenter yeah so you tell me hand me that hand me this

and i'll give you back i'll give you like a neck massage right like well whenever you need neck

neck massage i can give it to you you know that's good man i i can use my elbows on your shoulder

blades you know because you you get you probably get tired working on what do you work on houses

you have a good evening there buddy no what do you work on houses motherfucker you

you have a good evening there buddy give him a good massage all right retired veteran looking

for odd jobs maybe this is the dude the where you at guy let's see this is him it says the same

Same thing from that ad off the same website.

Where are you at?

I wonder if it's him.

That's fucking him.

It's fucking him.

He's back.

See if we can send him to Walmart again.

See if we can get him to pick up.

That's him.

Motherfucker's back.

That sounds just like him.

I really think that's the guy.

It's our guy.

Let me change the caller ID to a local area code.

Maybe that'll entice him.

Oh, it would be good if I...

He changed his number on me, you know, as soon as that prank went down.

All right, redialing.

Are you going to ring, motherfucker?

I'm going to tell him I've been looking for him ever since I saw him at the Walmart.

Yeah, the phone number is online.

405-396-6884.

405-39-MOUTH.

The line is currently in service.

You may call and join.

Talk shit about me.

A weight problem.

Man, I can't get it to go down.

Come on, it won't redial.

Why not?

Madhouse Raider, you're on the air.

Please don't be a jerk.

hello you're already pissing me off hi man you tell me what's up how you doing big guy

okay i guess it's good to hear from you do you have a name you go by yeah brendan brendan okay

the same brendan that called in last week that was on his way to a date or are you different

brendan no no not that one shit okay i'm the one i invite you to ps4 party and then you don't

ah yeah you invite me to games that i don't play i invite you to party oh okay yeah i've just been

playing red dead redemption 2 here and there i know who you are hello and thank you for calling

you've reached our location we are open monday through friday from 7 a.m to 2 p.m and on

saturdays and sundays from 7 30 a.m to 2 30 p.m we serve our full brunch menu on weekday mornings

and all day on weekends and serve a full lunch menu with a limited breakfast menu during the

You like some brunch?

You ever have a brunch?

You sound too young to brunch.

Oh, wait, he's at home.

Hey, Big Brendan.

What?

What's up, Big Pretty Brendan?

You here now?

Sorry I had you on hold.

Fuck.

We did not get your message, either because you were not speaking or because of a bad connection.

Holy shit.

Brendan, do you like to do prank calls on your own time?

Sometimes.

Sometimes?

All right.

Are they funny?

No.

Aw.

Well, keep trying.

You'll be all right.

You'll figure it out, buddy.

Don't get down on yourself.

What kind of shit are you playing on your PlayStation, then?

I don't think much of a deal.

I want to make a fucking order.

Okay.

Okay?

And I don't want any dirty people touching my food.

Okay.

Have you had issues before?

Yeah, with dirty people.

Okay.

There's a lot of homeless people in this town.

Okay.

And I don't like that.

I already hear that.

Okay.

Fucking snowflake.

Brendan, did you want to do a prank or you just want to chill?

Or you just want to chill there, buddy?

I don't know.

Brave Horse Tavern, this is James.

Yeah, hey, can I make an order?

Oh, yeah, no problem.

A food order?

What can I get for you?

What kind of horse do you have?

I'm sorry?

What kind of horse do you have?

We don't have any horse.

This is Brave Horse Tavern.

Yeah, but we don't serve any horse.

No, I had horse in a foreign country when I was in the military, and it was really good.

Oh, yeah, I've heard that it is tasty.

I just don't know if I've, I don't know, I've never had it.

Yeah, I'm a veteran.

Yeah, I guess it is a little bit deceptive in the name.

I'm a veteran of Operation Wolf, 1987.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Okay, wow.

Did you want to say?

Well, sorry about that.

Yeah, we do have, I'm sorry?

Did you want to say something like thank you for your service?

Oh, yeah, thank you for your service, absolutely.

Come on, man.

Sorry.

That's messed up.

All right, so I can't get any horse.

Do you know where I can't get some horse?

I don't, not around Seattle.

Shit.

Is there a French section, Tom?

I'm sorry?

Is there a French section of town?

A French part of town.

Yeah.

Oh, boy.

I don't know if there's a truly dedicated French part of town.

You guys got chowder?

Um, chowder, you get chowder down on, like, the, um, down by the, uh, market, like, down by the piers.

Okay, but, I mean.

There's a couple good, like, uh, seafood restaurants down there, but we don't have any now.

You don't have any chowder? Man, it's probably good you don't. You guys are probably pissing it, right?

I'm sorry?

You guys are probably pissing it. It's a good thing you don't have it. You're probably peeing it.

I don't really know what you're referring to.

Are there, are there a lot of homeless people, are there a lot of dirty homeless people around the tavern?

No.

Okay, good, because I've noticed a lot of homeless people here in Seattle.

Yeah, it's unfortunate.

Well, is there anything else I can help you with?

Yeah, it's unfortunate that they're assholes and they stink.

They're ruining your good city, you know?

Yeah.

Seriously, they've got a terrible homeless problem there in Seattle.

Thank you for calling South Lake Union Goodwill.

This is Rain. How can I help you?

Yeah, first of all, I want to make sure.

Do you have, like, a lot of homeless people around here?

Dirty homeless people?

In the neighborhood?

Yeah.

Typically, there is a high homeless population in this area.

That's disgusting.

Where are they shit at?

I'm sorry.

That's none of my business.

Well, they got to shit somewhere, don't they?

Do they come inside here?

Do they come in?

Ew.

I'm sorry, but I cannot talk to you.

Goodbye.

I'm just saying.

All right, Brendan, I'm going to clear the line

so someone else can call in who has something to say, buddy.

All right?

I'll join.

What are the parties on PS4?

You just talk together?

Is that it?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Yeah, I guess.

Okay.

All right.

Well, we'll do something.

Me and you will hang out, all right?

And we'll just sit and listen to each other, all right?

Bye.

Thanks for listening.

I love you.

Brendan, everybody.

Brendan on the PS4.

Oh, man.

Perth is in the hospital.

Yeah, he's got cellulitis, but in his jaw and stuff.

Bro.

I've had it in my legs, but never in my...

That would freak me out if I had it in my jaw and ear.

and i think i read your latest update you're being transferred to the main hospital machine

that fucking sucks hello hey honey who's this i'm calling from the corporate office hey what's up

i'm pretty good i'm looking to do a customer survey do you have a customer nearby who can

get a 30 gift certificate for participating in a three question survey i do not at the moment

okay well who's this calling from the corporate office cross cross yeah i'm in marketing here let

Let me hand you off to my manager.

I didn't ask for that.

Okay.

What I asked was for a customer.

You said you can't do that?

I don't have any customers in my department at the moment.

Why don't you have any customers there?

No wonder we're going out of business.

He doesn't believe me.

Yeah, Guitar Center's going out of business because all they do is sell guitars.

And people like Milkman don't have enough money to be buying guitars all the time.

Guitar Center.

Noelle, how may I help you?

Yeah, you guys have chowder?

Yes, we do.

You have chowder?

Okay.

Good.

How much urine is in it?

urine yeah hold on can you please wait on hold yeah what else what else am i going to do on hold

right what do you mean like you say can i wait on hold what's the other option all right okay

bye stupid the sourcing of food is incredibly important i started going to alaskan and i

actually fished with a fisherman i didn't go to just a processing plant i actually wanted to know

how did they catch him did they i don't want to hear your fucking life story while i'm on hold

and i found out that not every fisherman does it right so we only buy from the people who

handle the fish the way that we want and as a result we all right let's try to call where

you at again see if it works now madhouse radio i'm busy hi what's up hey what's up

what's going on buddy it's brooklyn bitch how you doing okay hey can you turn down your audio

in the background shit the shit won't dial all right he's gonna have to wait while i try to

get this fixed he's currently on hold don't go anywhere caller i know you're listening in the

background jerk hey penis mr penis are you there yes can you hear me yeah i hear you yeah how you

been man do you have a name man it's brooklyn i said bullpen brooklyn bullpen hey bullpen yeah

you're in a bullpen pitching warming up i hear you like that baseball brian walker with pg walker

services i'm unable to come to the phone right now where are you at your name in a short message i'll

Thank you

You is a nervous bastard, aren't you?

So I told you like I you owe me a prank like one year from one year

Like like when you did the gay meetup with with Brad and boys

Gary's hard

Sharma, you confuse me color to do to to to to to

Waited for the call to work. It's not working number busy. Great because it's over there. I'm here, buddy

I'm having trouble with the phone, but I'm here.

Don't worry.

I heard you got divorced with the milkman.

It's hard to understand you, buddy.

I'm not trying to be racist.

Can you hear me good, or is my English that bad?

No, I'm not trying to be racist.

You have a lot of bass in the audio, so it's hard to understand you.

You got like a milkman thing going on.

Oh, shit.

Okay.

I didn't know that.

Please leave your message for me.

I'm calling from my phone.

I don't know.

You're dirty.

It's all right, man.

I don't know what to tell you.

Sometimes the phone does that.

It's okay.

Don't worry.

I'm just not having luck with phone numbers right now, which is bad.

It's okay.

You will be fine, Calito.

Thank you.

Don't worry.

Thank you.

Pray for me.

Do you like Cheez-Its?

What is that?

Do you know what Cheez-Its are?

They're a cracker made with cheese.

I guess, yeah.

It's like cheese on an ant.

Oh, you like cheese, huh?

Yeah.

What kind of cheese do you like?

Do you like American cheese?

I like all kinds of cheese, except big cheese.

I don't like blue cheese, son of a bitch.

yeah blue cheese stinks i think yeah it's got penicillin in it it's just dude because

this it's been used too much everywhere you go blue cheese blue cheese blue cheese i'm tired of

i

I feel you.

Yeah, buddy.

Sorry, I'm here.

I'm looking for a number.

Kind of off my game tonight a little bit.

It's okay.

Carlitos won't hurt anyone.

I won't.

Carlitos.

Big horsey Carlitos.

Horsey Carlitos.

It's a horsey cat, horsey Carlitos.

I get it.

Oh, and I think some...

Hi.

Oh, what's up?

You got donuts?

You guys are next to the donut place, right?

The donut place?

No.

No, next door.

There's no donuts next door?

Shit.

All right.

There's what?

Come on, man.

That's my fault.

I fucked that up.

My fault.

What happened?

I fucked it up.

I thought it was a donut place.

It was a Thai restaurant.

I wasn't going to make Thai jokes.

Do you want to do a hotel?

But I don't have a number.

I could do a hotel.

Sure.

I'm not going to call Seattle anymore.

That's what I got to do.

I got to call another town.

Seattle fucking sucks for prank calls.

Let's try Tacoma, Washington.

Let's get away from Washington.

Let's try Arizona.

I see Big Dozer in the chat room.

What's up, Big Dozer?

Hey, by the way.

By the way.

By the way, Carlito.

like you are you are like a bitch or somehow like you didn't punch uh brad in the balls like

like you said you would oh really oh you wanted me to okay i can get him in in october we're

gonna meet up again i punched the other three i punched dwight in the balls and jayad and

yeah but you know like when you do it like you gotta do it to to everyone like like really hard

Oh, that's hard. I want Brad to still be able to have kids, you know what I mean?

He already has kids. He doesn't need any more. I want to make him throw up.

You know, getting hit in the balls is oof.

Hello, and thank you for calling the Arizona Biltmore of Waldorf Astoria Resort.

In order to better assist you, please select from one of the following options.

Room reservations, press 1.

Accounting and billing inquiries, press 2.

For all other inquiries, please remain on the line

and a resort operator will assist you.

We're calling the Arizona Biltmore.

This is Kayla speaking.

How may I assist you?

Hi.

Hey, how may I assist you?

How do I flush things down the toilet?

You're currently in one of our rooms?

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay, uh, there is, there should be a little, um, valve on the, uh, side of the toilet.

No, the sheets won't go down.

Okay, would you like someone to, um, uh, plunge the toilet?

No, there's, there's sheets, they're halfway in, halfway out, they're kind of stuck, I keep pulling and nothing happens.

And there's water everywhere.

What room are you in?

Um, two?

Uh, our rooms have four digits.

it it's or what's your last name i could try looking at well the room isn't in my name do

you know what room it name it is under no i just met the one i met the woman at the well

can you tell her to to bring us some ashtrays yeah this is all because you didn't have an

ashtray here and i i like i got do you mind if i put you on a quick hold i got cigarette ashes

on the toilet and then i figured i should just flush them because it got burned and then put

put you on a brief hold i'll get back to you what are you doing are you ratting me out or something

thank you so much for holding this is kayla how may this deal are you the same person i was talking

to you someone else uh this is the same person okay i already explained what was going on did

you need me to explain to you again do you have that i wasn't quite sure what you were

um just not sure what your question was well the ashtrays yeah so what about the ashtrays are you

do you need one well we didn't have ashtrays so now there's burn they got i got burn marks in the

bed sheets i took them off and i tried to flush them on the toilet and now the sheets are halfway

in halfway out there's water everywhere and i have burn marks on this sheet right okay and um

our rooms are actually 100 non-smoking no that is why we would on the website it says it's a tobacco

free facility, it says. Tobacco

free, correct. So our rooms you cannot smoke in. We're not using

tobacco. Okay, let me go ahead and send up the

housekeepers. You're going to need new sheets, is that it? Well, there's water everywhere

too. Do you have a wet-dry vac or something? There's water.

Do we need ashtrays? Yeah, and ashtrays. My lady? Ashtrays

too, yeah. Okay. Hello? Do you happen to know what room number you're in

or the last name no i the room the room isn't in my name someone let us in someone who has the room

let us in you know okay so what is the name of the reservation uh i don't know the person that

we just kind of hit it off you know the way you can exit out of the door and find out what your

room number is am i in some kind of trouble no but if you would like assistance i do need to find

Find out where you are located.

I believe it's 1027.

Good evening, Mr. Benson.

This is Tiffany at the front desk.

So it looks like we were having some issues with your room, correct?

Yeah, there's water everywhere, and the sheets won't go down the toilet.

All right, I'll have an engineer come up to the room so that they can take care of that for you, okay?

Is it going to be Jordy?

Is his name Jordy?

But what's his major like?

He's an engineer, but what's his major?

I don't have a specific engineer.

I'm just going to send the next one that's available for you, okay?

All right, well, there's water everywhere.

He better have a wet dry vac or don't bother sending him, you know?

Did you say the F word?

No.

Did you?

No, I sound like you said it under your breath.

I heard F-U-C-K, fuck.

I did not.

I'm terribly sorry that you heard that, Mr. Benson.

I will have an engineer sent up to the room for you in addition to a security officer.

Hurry up.

My name is Benson.

God damn it.

I'm Benson and I'm angry.

I'm getting aggravated.

I'm going to break this.

I'm going to throw this at the glass mirror.

Hang on.

Hold on. I'm walking into the bathroom.

I'm in the bathroom.

I'm in the... I'm in the bathroom.

And where's the mirror?

Oh, come on! Don't start!

Oh, shit.

Are you there, Mr. Benton?

Yeah, we're there.

My friend is breaking all the mirrors in the glass.

I don't think that that's necessary.

I think he can tell me what the problem is and I can look into trying to fix it for him.

He's very mad. He gets real upset when it's like this.

He's trying to flush all the glass on the toilet.

His hands are all cut up. He's got blood everywhere.

What's the room number? That way I can look into trying to get his hands bandaged.

We don't want any guests in that kind of pain.

I already told you, stupid.

Can you repeat it for me one more time?

1-0-2-7.

Perfect. All right.

I'll have the security officer stand up there for you as soon as possible, okay?

What is he going to do?

He's going to bring the security and an engineer.

What happened to the engineer? Now it's security?

What's going on?

They're both on their way.

But when a guest has their hands cut, we have to have a security officer to bandage them.

Fuck it.

What's the last name on your reservation, sir?

Benson.

And are you first floor or the second floor?

I don't know.

I told you the room number.

What else do you need?

Are you stupid?

Don't you have a map there?

1027 is not a real room number.

So can you tell me the room number that's on the outside of your door?

It starts with 10.

We don't have any floors that end in 0.

Is it an 11 room, maybe?

Can you look on the outside of your door for me?

I don't feel like it.

Oh, he can't.

He's colorblind, so.

Colorblind is perfectly fine.

We just need to find the number.

Well, I'm stupid.

Are you racist?

Do you have something against colorblind people?

I'm stupid, too.

No.

I'm stupid.

I'm a stupid person.

I'm diagnosed with stupid.

Are you there?

I am indeed.

David King has a pretty penis.

I can whisper, too.

Hey, where can I put the chicken?

I have a brother. Do you think she has a big labia?

Hey, labia woman.

It sounds like she has like a big labia.

Yeah, she does.

It sounds like you have vaginosis to us.

Alright, I'm going to hang up since you're not responding. Bye.

Bye, big vagina.

Bye.

Another hotel?

Omar won't stop barking. I'm going to go over and kick him in a second.

I'm going to give him a Benadryl.

Thanks, Brian. Best of luck in Plussing with Sedona. This is Deanna.

Yeah, hi. How can I get these toilets to flush down the...

These toilets are flushed.

The sheets are flushed down the toilet.

I'm sorry, say that again?

How can I get the sheets to flush down the toilet?

How to get sheets that flush down the toilet?

Okay, so like the personal protector sheets?

No, the sheets on the bed.

I've been trying to flush them down the toilet.

My friend's doing it now, but there's water everywhere and they won't flush.

Sir, are you trying to tell me that you're trying to destroy some of our property here on site?

i'm telling you i need it i'm telling you that we had a spill on the toilet and there's no ash

trays here and we didn't have anywhere to put our ashes on our cigarettes from our cigarettes so

there was a burn mark in it and i'm trying to fix the sheets so i'm trying to flush them down the

toilet okay just a heads up i have caller id i have your number and i have the non-emergency

number on you have shit in the toilet what do you got okay in what room are you in sir

Well, why do you...

No, why did you put it that way to me?

The room isn't in my house.

Why are you trying to flush down our sheets down the toilet?

And the smoking...

Our property is non-smoking, so there is no ashtrays.

We want to hide the evidence, okay?

We fucked up.

We want to hide the evidence, so we're flushing it.

You wanted to hide evidence by flushing our sheets down the toilet.

Yeah, now there's water everywhere.

Now we got a big fucking mess.

Okay, I need to know what room number you're in, sir.

Hey Omar throw that at the at the mirror in the bathroom because she's not listening to me. She's pissing me off

We're gonna flush the glass down the toilet. It's gonna be cool

The glass

I just want to flush.

They're calling the police.

You're doing good with the toilet there, boy.

I said your name is Omar.

I hope you don't mind.

Don't you live in Brooklyn or something?

Yeah, I used to call you Brooklyn Cell, right?

Brooklyn Cell.

That's what I used to call you.

Thank you for calling La Posada.

This is Harmony.

How can I help you?

Hi, Harmony.

I'm here with Brooklyn Cell, the Brooklyn Cell.

And we're in the bathroom.

And we're trying to flush the sheets down the toilet.

And there's just water everywhere.

Omar, flush it again.

All right.

It's on flush, bro.

Hello?

What room are you in?

We're in 27.

Are you calling the right office?

There is, like, water.

There is water everywhere.

It won't flush.

Yeah, La Pusada Hotel.

We're in Winslow, Arizona.

Yeah, that's right.

Very good.

We don't have a room 27.

Is it 227, maybe?

I don't know.

227, what's your last name?

Yeah, the room isn't in my name.

We met the girl at the bar.

She brought us back, and we had sex.

I got the clank.

all right brooklyn cell i'm gonna let you go so someone else can call in thanks for calling in

man it's good to hear from you mr brooklyn cell thanks for joining bye all right line is clear

405-396-6884 405-396-6884 you're right let's try where you at guy again maybe he'll pick up

this time you flop your dick out in front of me you're ass grass son neighbor to come to the phone

right now please leave your name short message i'll be sure to return your call thank you and

have a great day fucking guy why won't he talk to me all right caller id adjusted let's get some

shit out of here yeah i haven't done this in about a year this is a long time favorite of

madhouse surprised no one's stolen this idea yet you know how these people do uh perth to answer

your question this is charles bradley he died a few years ago he's a lot he's this dude that

came out started singing like a lot of old school ah old school style tunes he's a lot he reminds

me a lot of um the godfather of soul the fuck's his name that died uh james brown he was like a

modern age james james he died of cancer in 2015 2016 maybe something like that let's check out

the super chats which i will put to good use uh shyboy760 donated a super chat says you and dwight

Dwight makes some funny-ass prank calls.

Thanks, man.

I'm really proud of Dwight.

Dwight's always been a good friend, not a backstabber,

and we have a lot of fun doing calls together.

I super enjoy doing shows with Dwight when he goes on

and when I have him on.

Always have fun with that guy.

He's like a brother to me, just like Brad Carter.

Love those guys.

Yeah.

And there's another one from Jack Heliquin.

It says, ooh, scary clown, I think you said.

I lost it.

Where'd it go?

oh spooky satanic clown says jack heliquin well that's what he is he's wondering he had a problem

with his sleep sleep paralysis dude that shit's scary i got sleep paralysis in the hospital once

i woke up and i couldn't move myself that was scary i thought i had been like overdosed on

something while i was sleeping on the iv drip that scared the shit out of me i had never had

that before you should probably stay away from the satanic clown stuff that's probably why you

you had sleep paralysis i don't know if that was a private thing not to talk about oops all right

well jack heliquin be careful man you need to take some ambien that'll really fuck you up uh

bieber for life also super chess as i hear that baby crying and i love it trump trump 2018 please

call back where you at guy lol i did that and april plumbing last week i missed this one said

stuffy is guaranteed a big girl big stuffy steffy big belly steffy we ended up calling her she got

real upset at me during the 420 show yeah all right let's find a different store that i can

call that hopefully they'll pick up so i can tell them to get their shit out of here let's call

homer's favorite store pet smart for calling pet smart did you know that you could book your book

with your favorite groomer for our store hours and location press one for the grooming salon

press two for the fish bird small animal and reptile information press three for pet training

Training information, press 4.

For Banfield Pet Hospital, press 7.

For general store information and questions, press 0 or stay on the line.

Dollar store, this is crazy.

Yep.

You need to get your shit out of here, man.

Where is that?

What do you mean where it's at?

It's in our room where we take our receiving in.

Okay, so I have no clue what you're talking about?

It's a bunch of ant food.

This is Purina ProPlan, Hill Science Diet.

let's see this one here says hill signs diet sensitive stomach and skin adult dog food chicken

meal and barley bullshit okay i'm not even expecting a delivery today well we got it here

it's for you we don't have dog food all right it's the dollar store dollar tree all right i will try

to take care of it as soon as i can getting your shit over here i'm not sending anyone else over

there motherfucker okay come over here get your shit out of here who's my name is jason jason

Listen, that's a boy's name.

Why would you have that name?

Yeah, you're real funny, bro.

Yeah, you're an asshole.

Get your shit out of here.

I'm going to start giving this away.

As a matter of fact, I'm giving this to...

You got five minutes to get here or this dog food's going to get...

We have dog training right now.

We're going to feed the dogs with this dog food.

Okay, so...

Your phone number?

All right, Len, what's your boss's name?

That'd be the general manager's...

You're ruining my life.

Let's break some mirrors.

Oh?

Yeah, fucking shit.

You know what I'm saying?

I'm tired of this.

getting your deliveries over here all the time thank you for calling your local walmart we

appreciate your business and look forward to the opportunity to serve thank you for calling walmart

how could i help you and i don't need shut the fuck up now products yes this will work get your

shit out of here of a bunch of your bullshit we want you to get your shit out of here is what

we're saying you understand it's not the dollar tree yeah so the fucking dollar tree get this

shit out of here redken redken one united i don't know why you're cursing at me redken

choleric said magnetic shampoo bullshit okay it's not bullshit shampoo you don't have to talk

it's bullshit i'm gonna throw i'm throwing it all i'm dumping it all out in five minutes you

don't get here i don't know why you're being so rude because this keeps happening okay it's not

our fault yeah it is this is for you you keep messing up that somebody else delivers something

to you i'll come get it but you don't have to be fucking rude you're stupid company you're a

stupid company you're a stupid person you coming yet to get your shit out of here okay

yeah you need to get your shit out of here i'm

calling from the Dollar Tree.

I'm the manager here.

I'm the manager on duty.

duty we just got a delivery of a bunch of colognes yeah yeah you need to tell them that you need to

get your shit out of here right now okay give me one second hurry up we're gonna start breaking

these bottles thank you for holding this is kenya how can i help you kenya listen i'm i'm the manager

on duty here at dollar tree we just got a delivery of a bunch of your stupid colognes you need to get

this shit out of here okay so is there a way you can give them back to this who took them there i'm

sorry uh we got a delivery i don't know i'm busy here it's in our back room now because some idiot

over here delivered them instead of to your place so you need to kindly send someone over here to

get your fucking shit out of here okay i'm gonna have to get our store manager on that you got

five minutes i'm gonna start we're gonna start breaking see i got this one here this one says

givenchy okay can you do me a favor um can you call back to the store and these are big bottles

The cologne I'm hitting with one of our one dollar baseball bat. What do you want me to do?

I'm gonna have to transfer you to our store manager's voicemail. Oh, I don't have time for fucking voicemail bullshit

That's the only way I can be able to get somebody over there. Yeah, you're a waste of time. Yeah

Disconnect yes, it's given shit. I know that from the Kardashians you have on shit. I love saying that you have on shit

I swear to God, for like the first 40, 30-something years of my life,

I thought all we saw was Givenchy.

All right, let's call the Walmart guy back.

The where-you-at guy, I mean.

See if he'll pick up now.

Yeah, Brad didn't come up with the flushing stuff down the toilet.

That was me and Dwight on Dwight's show.

At House Radio, you're on the air.

Hey, is that Big Ethan?

No, no, no, it's Nutcrush.

Oh, I thought you were Ethan.

I'm sorry.

Hey, Nutcrush.

Nutcrush?

Ow.

You're into that?

No, nut crust.

Yeah, no, I got a lot of that.

You're into ball busting?

Yeah.

Spiked heels, bro.

All right, nut crust.

Bro, you got to look into that.

Get some tenactin and spray action on the balls.

How you been?

Thanks for joining.

I don't think I've ever talked to you before.

It's good having you on.

No, no.

It's my first time calling.

I've been a long time listening.

I listen to you every day.

Every day?

Every day.

On the way to work, on the way home.

Thanks, man.

When I masturbate.

Nice.

You know.

Yeah, I mean, I'm guilty of that.

i've listened to brad show as well you know i've been in bed and i'm like i don't want to get up

and turn it off let me just pretend i'm not listening yeah i know i hear you yeah all right

man yeah give me a hug give me a hug man what's up bro yeah oh yeah i'm a i'm a horse member but

i haven't gotten shit yet what yeah it's supposed to be the api fucking shit with dropbox and all

that doesn't work half an ass and i thought i got it all fixed up a few uh a week ago uh

so you haven't

gotten into the discord is a problem or did

you get the dropbox

you're not missing

anything no one talks in there it's alright

everyone talks in the hijinks

but I can get yeah you deserve to get in

it's a promise

get me your email address either

send me an email madhouse radio gmail

dot com or send me a

DM on Facebook or Twitter or something

and I'll figure it out Twitter because I hardly

check my Twitter shit

i'm really bad at twitter so um i got an idea for you yeah a prank call okay what's up so we call a

sex shop and i'll pretend i'm your 10 year old son and i stole a pocket pussy okay and uh you

found it under my bed and i just can't stop fucking it all right yeah they yeah trying to

make me apologize and return it we could try like they're gonna be like how did a 10 year old get in

in here you know they're gonna they're not gonna i don't know if they'll fall for it yeah yeah like

what i'm saying is like someone i'm standing outside of the store and i got someone to go

in for me like you gotta check out what the fuck is going on outside oh it's a straw purchase all

right i got you yeah yeah we could do that hang on let me get i can just be in the background be

like yeah all right we can do it we'll see i don't uh i'll try it but these sex shops they

They're used to prank calls.

I usually don't.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, but we'll try it.

Hey, don't worry.

Let me call the one in Orlando where I used to hang out at.

I didn't hang out here a lot.

I've been there.

Fairvilla Megastore.

This place has...

Oh, I got an idea for them, actually.

What you smoking on?

I had some kosher tangy, and I mixed it with some Durban poison.

Hi, thank you for calling Fairvilla Megastore.

If you know your party's extension, you can dial it at any time during this message.

For store hours and driving directions, press 2.

For a company directory by first name, press 3.

For sales help, press 4.

To speak with someone in processing, press 5.

To speak to a store manager, press 6.

For all other calls, press 0.

Thanks for calling Preble Omega.

This is Logan speaking.

How may I help you?

Yeah, hi.

I have a weird situation.

situation you guys have those you guys have pictures uh up in the store of people who

shoplifted right yes so we don't actively keep up with it it's kind of like the best of but

i'm the feeling of the dvd room yeah well in 1995 i stole a pack of adult um adult playing cards

and i was on vacation we were at disney you know and i dropped my wife and kids at disney at the

park and i came up and i shoplifted that can i please get that uh taken down like i'm i'm not

supposed to go back in because i have a trespassing warrant do you think it'll still stick from 1995

what was the first name i know the playing cards just so i can go check bill and i can have my

manager bill okay yeah let me go see for you all right sorry i came up with another idea because

i remember they have pictures of shoplifters that have been cut all over the store to embarrass

and it has a story their story i remember there was one adult playing cards and it said the guy

was crying when he got arrested that his family was at disney still this guy's pretty cool though

he's like yeah we'll see fucking music right you said your name was bill yeah okay because i see

one for playing cards but it's not that same name i didn't see any bills up on there yeah um that's

probably me you know i don't i don't i just don't want to say my real name i'm kind of embarrassed

I mean, you can understand.

I mean, like, it was a really bad episode.

Like, I started crying and everything when they arrested me.

Were you like a blue shirt buttoned up?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let me go talk to my manager about it.

Let me see.

All right.

Hey, I'm really glad that you're helping me out.

Can I talk to the manager and explain my situation?

Yeah.

I'm reformed now.

I've learned my lesson.

All right, I get you.

You know, I just.

Sorry, I'm making you wait.

So the night manager we have on now wouldn't really be able to make that decision.

If you call tomorrow after 9 before like 5 p.m.

Our general manager will be here to answer that question because he's been here a lot longer than we have.

Okay, can we, do you think, can you put in a good word for me?

Yeah, I'll let him know the situation.

All right, because like really, I've changed.

I'm not that same guy anymore.

No, I understand.

You know, and I wouldn't even shop with that kind of stuff now because, you know, porno is like free online now, you know?

Yeah, no, I understand.

Yeah.

All right.

But it's just not, sorry.

Sorry, but it should be Jacques or Kara are the two managers that you should talk to.

It's just really embarrassing, you know, that there's a picture of me there.

No, I get it.

There's a couple other guys who have asked, but I'm not sure how they dealt with it.

They talked to the manager directly.

Yeah, because that's a violation of my rights, if you ask me.

I got that expunged off my record, and I don't know.

You guys can't keep doing that.

I don't know.

You just want to talk to him because I'm not sure the whole set up for it.

Yeah, I'm going to hold your response.

I'm going to sue you.

Oh, well, that's not something I could, like, you know.

All right, I'm just warning you.

You might get sued.

I'm not the person to talk to about it.

You might get a letter in the mail.

No, I'm not the person to talk to about it, you know.

You might get a letter in the mail from my lawyer.

I'm just saying.

All right.

Jock would definitely be the one to talk to, and he'd probably get that sorted out.

Jock.

That sounds like a fake name.

All right, buddy.

Okay.

Hey, thanks for being understanding, though.

I appreciate it.

I'm sorry.

I want to help you out, man.

Yeah, no, I'm looking forward to getting this resolved.

This nightmare.

All right?

All right.

All right, we'll call a different adult store.

That would be sexy.

Yeah.

You got to get your football.

Where do you live?

You live in Pennsylvania, right?

Yep.

What made you leave Florida?

Work.

Found a good job up here.

The job market down there is stinking, Orlando.

Where's home?

I just got my degree, and I couldn't find work that was worth it.

That's Dwight checking in.

I'm about to take a break, though.

I got to pee.

I got to check on Homer.

Fucking dog.

who am i calling here uh this is a different adult store we'll try your idea now okay that ain't

going down uh i believe we're gonna take a break well let me get dwight on here a second he just

called in dwight mccracken fucking skype gotta love skype hey dwight oh you're drunk pervert

motherfucker hey you penis how you doing well i'm taking a shit right now oh nice yeah i'm in the

thought i'm in the toilet fucking drunk pervert motherfucker well that's cool i gotta take a

a break i gotta go to the toilet myself sir we have a caller in line caller say hi to dwight

hey caller and tell carlio he can't sit on my lap when he goes to the bathroom oh he's he's stuck

on hold shit oh god oh caller if you're listening on the air look i'm sorry i gotta disconnect you

because you're stuck on hold and the application will let me unhold you i don't know he's gonna

release you into the nether waves yeah oh there he is hey caller you there sorry about that i had

a technical issue hey and let's take a break say hi to dwight he's on now big dwight

hey motherfucker all right putas yeah hey hey we'll next show we'll get to your idea we'll

do the adult store i tried that one and they didn't pick up just now yeah yeah fucking all

right um yeah what do you look like what does dwight look like you can see him on facebook

you know he's on facebook because like i've never seen him yeah man he's got his picture

sure on his profile i'm pretty sure uh i picture him as a tall dark handsome you know no none of

that he's dark micro penis micro penis he's got a big clip that's because i'm that's because i'm

vietnamese yeah go go on facebook look for dwight what dwight what's your is your are you dwight the

janitor or what are you exactly dwight no you're just dwight mcclanahan this is this is dwight

mcclanahan yeah he has the the nickname the janitor yeah he's on my friends list i'm sure

I'm sure you'll find them if you have any of us.

Or if they're on the PCN page, like we got that big banner of everybody from the last Chicago.

Yeah, you can see him.

He's the one holding the mop on the Prank Call Nation Facebook page from our meetup last year.

I'll check it out.

All right, buddy.

Y'all should come to...

I got to wipe my ass.

I got to go.

Bye.

Do a little pop-up.

What's that?

Where should we go?

New Orleans.

I don't know if a lot of people will come to New Orleans.

I don't know if we have a lot of Louisiana listeners.

I don't know.

Yeah, that's a possibility.

I mean, some of my friends.

I got a lot of my friends.

okay listening show all right it would be totally about fucking meeting up with everyone oh it'd be

nice to go to new orleans you know i've never been i've always wanted to go now they got the

hurricane figured out all right buddy i'm gonna let you go see you all right all right thanks

for calling there he goes all right david king has called me a pussy if i don't show my ass and

dick live now dude why do you want me to show my ass and dick no one wants to see that especially

the women i'm not gonna show my penis no thank you no sir just because you do it just because

you quote unquote smoked some k2 or whatever no thanks yeah david king going crazy showing

his penis on youtube live on friday or thursday was a friday night thursday night one of them

nights he was humping his tv all right guys look i gotta go i gotta take a break when i come back

dwight mcclanahan will join he just had to finish taking his shit all right and uh i don't know

we'll do stuff thanks for listening

Nori speaking

hi nerd

hello what was that nerd

what what was your name nerd

no my name's not that

it's Nori

Nori hey I'm calling

regarding this ad here

I have a question okay

alright nature of work

disposition provides activities

resources and supports provided

to detect prevent reduce

or eliminate abuses neglect

neglect, exploitation, and abandonment, receiving reports of need,

investigating reports received, assessing the needs of consumers,

developing and coordinating the implementation of service plans for protective consumers.

Okay.

That was just one sentence in here, in the ad.

Right.

What do you think we could have done there?

You know what?

I didn't put it in there.

If you want to talk to that person, you need to talk to somebody else.

Yeah, but is it going to be something where you're just trying to get rid of me

and I go to a voicemail?

Because I want a person.

I want a person.

Well, I don't know if that person's here.

It's her lunchtime.

Well, get me whoever it is that I can talk to that that person reports to.

Let's go.

Not when you talk to me like that.

I won't put up with it.

I'm going to hang up.

Goodbye.

Nori speaking.

Hey, Nori.

How are you?

I'm good.

Thank you.

Okay, good.

God bless you.

I'm calling regarding a job offer you have here.

Okay.

Is nice job?

What?

Is good job?

Is nice job?

I guess so.

I think it has to do with ****.

I'm not certain.

Okay.

Nobody told us that we were to expect phone calls or anything.

Oh, wow.

How often do I have to walk the job?

Like once a day, twice a day?

What do you mean walk the job?

Like where I actually take the job out on a leash, walk it around,

maybe down the street, up and down, let it go to the bathroom.

It's not a dog.

It's a job.

Yeah, but I still have to feed and water and clean after it, right?

Does the job have all its shots?

Stop.

Does it have its shots?

Docs, do you have all the records for the job?

I am not in charge of that job ad.

And I don't appreciate you calling up here and harassing us.

I'm not harassing.

Ma'am, you put an ad in the paper for job, and I want to see if I'm getting the job.

But it's not a dog.

Whatever kind of animal it is, how often does it go to the bathroom, the job?

I guess.

Oh, my God.

Good evening.

Thank you for holding.

How may I help you?

How are you doing there, Big Hoss?

I'm great. How are you doing?

I don't appreciate the woman there with the attitude when I'm asking about the wallet.

I left the wallet over there, and I have reason to believe that one of the women over there has it and is refusing to give it to me.

I saw a woman go into the bathroom with an item and came back out and no longer had the item and was shuffling herself a little bit, like her clothing.

I don't know what to tell you.

I mean, if there's anything left, every day these things happen left and right all the time.

We we have from glasses to wallets to everything left behind and people come and pick it up by a where where was it left?

It was left where I was sitting where were you have an obligation to return this to me if you found it

Yeah, I mean, I mean, let's tell me you're you're I'm out that we have it

I don't know. I have to locate it first in order to return it to you

No, no, I like to take your I like to me. I mean you can't say that sir

You can't say that you have it

I mean, it's you need to you need to let us know what your name is

allow us to look for it find it and return it to you we have no interest of keeping anybody's

wallet in here this is valente and it's not it's not my pants and it's not my car so it's obviously

over there and the woman took it to the bathroom and took everything out inside of it and flushed

it down the toilet no sir that you can't you can't accuse that anybody i won't take this i'm

sorry well we had many many many many incidents we had people thought that they had their wallet

in here week later they found it and they called us and apologized we don't deal with people staff

I don't have staff like that. I don't have staff like that and I don't like to really, really have you and accuse my staff of taking your stuff. I won't allow you that.

Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

If you'd like to give me your number, no problem. Just leave me your number. We'll look for it for you. If you can find it, we'll be more than happy to give it to you.

Let me ask you one thing. Are you the owner or just a manager?

I'm the general manager.

Alright, so are you having problems paying the rent there? Is that what's going on?

Where are you getting with that?

Well, I mean, sometimes when we're low on money, we're more apt to maybe do a little...

No, we don't do that, sir. We are not that kind of people in here.

Well, I know things are bad.

No, you're going there, and I'm not taking this anymore.

If you'd like to leave your number with me, I'll call you back.

If you're taking this different direction, I'm not interested in this conversation.

Sometimes petty theft happens when we're low on money.

No, but you are accusing my staff, then accusing me, and accusing the owner.

I don't have to stand in here. I have a business to run.

I don't have to stand in here and just listen to you.

If you'd like to be nice about it, leave me your phone number and all that.

If I find it, I'll call it to you.

Otherwise, we don't deal like that.

I'm sorry.

This is a high-class place.

Is there anybody in the staff who maybe has recently bounced a check or has an overdrawn bank account?

Sir, I'm so sorry.

I'm no interest no longer.

If you'd like to, I'm going to give you one more chance to give me your phone number.

Otherwise, I'm hanging up.

Plasma.

Thank you.

Bye.

Plasma.

Let's go.

Guy tried to break into my truck.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.

Go back to the phones. Good morning, what's your bid?

Yes, I'd like to bid $2 million on the cactus.

Again, 465-1570 is the number you call...

When you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trapdoor at the bottom.

So when you die, you open that trapdoor at the bottom,

you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman, you are better than a woman, we'll always be behind you, do not let a woman, ever, ever, make you who you are.

Two hundred? Five or better?

Five or better? What you got? What you got?

I got a C.

Nigga, you.

Woo-hoo! Brooklyn style, baby! Brooklyn style!

Watch his face!

Ahhhh!

Build fast through the city, play Monopoly

With real cash, me and Biggie and the models be

Shake an ace, a diddy ass, and Parada be

Something you cats got to see, and the watchers be

All types of shapes and stones, being broke with challenges

And I'm quite grown up in a club with the ice on

Me and Pipe on, five or something nice

And my cats at home, screaming the fights on

I'm in the 1500 C's, watching tights on

Same night, same fight

But one of us cats ain't playing right

Alright, I'm back

Thank you for hanging in during the break

I have returned

Let me call Dwight back

Hold your ears, it'll probably be loud

Because of Skype

I just ate some beets

Hello, are you done pooping and everything?

Uh, yeah

Alright, well it's good to have you

You are doing a show at the top of the hour, right?

That is correct.

Good.

Good for you.

How is it?

Namaskar.

Baisab.

Yes, who is this?

Hey, my name is Abdu.

Yes, tell me, how can I help you?

Sasta bendi, kitna paisa.

What is that?

Sasta bendi, kitna paisa.

Bindi? We don't have bindi.

Bindi.

No, no, we don't have the bindi.

You don't have sister?

What is that?

You don't have sister?

No.

No? Oh, how much would it be if I wanted it for you or your mother?

Kitna paisa.

I don't know what...

Kitna pa... Sasta mother, kitna paisa, kitna paisa.

I'm sorry, I mean, I'm just too busy right now.

Namaskar, namaskar.

sex thank you sex he's too busy right now dwight he can't who's too busy for sex yeah or for selling

their sister anyway sell his sister

record your message at the top madhouse you're on the air

hey milkman it's good to hear from you milkman you sound like you're in a car like milkman

oh no it's all right it's not that bad it's okay is that better hey how you doing big guy

that's too bad who's this fucking uh if i may ask ethan hey what's up ethan i thought you called

earlier was another guy that sound sound like you excuse me yeah i sent you a facebook i can't get

through the fucking mouth line uh yeah it was being blown up but not any longer it's good now

everything is good yes hello uh namaskar uh

bendy bendy yeah you're bendy i think 1199 i'll just say your sister is only 1199 does that

include like a do you have a bedroom that we use or do we do it in the car in my car your sister

for sex where my car or do you have a bedroom i don't want to say my name no you stupid

Stupid!

Benchot.

Benchot?

How much sister?

Kitna paisa.

Come on.

Click.

What an asshole man.

Yeah he hung up.

He's a motherfucker.

Motherfucker.

Yo the I put the invitations in the mail today.

Yay!

Alright.

What's on the menu?

That's what I'm most concerned about.

Is it gonna be ribs?

Uh prime rib.

Rib.

Hey.

Yes ma'am.

Do you have prime rib?

Hello?

Do you have prime rib?

Your vegetarian restaurant.

Oh.

Uh.

Bendy.

Kitna paisa.

We don't have that.

You don't have sister?

No.

Well, how much for you?

Quina paisa you?

Shut up.

No, you shut up.

Shut up.

Yeah, it's prime ribs.

Nice.

Excited about that.

No shellfish?

Good, good, good.

Shellfish?

No, I just like to say that.

Shut up.

Salmon, stuffed chicken, prime ribs.

Mmm.

I can't wait.

Yeah.

Dwight's coming too.

Don't you worry.

Dwight, you're not invited.

Don't get rude.

I'm going to show up.

I'm just showing up.

It's a little bit of a longer drive for Dwight.

I'm gonna drive, I'm gonna drive like a motherfucker, and I'm gonna have a wheelchair, and I'm gonna have electronic jobbies, and I'm gonna start crashing into the cake.

into shit.

Yeah.

Do I get to say a toast?

You just get up and say toast.

We'll get Joey Guns over there.

Yeah, let's call that motherfucker.

What was that place called?

Beer Authority?

Yeah.

All right.

I'm actually going to the city tomorrow for the auto show.

Oh, shit.

Actually, I might stop by Beer Authority.

Yeah, yeah.

See what he's up to.

Oh, it's fucking you, you fucking jerk.

I'll see if they install those holes in the bathroom.

Yeah, ask him about the holes.

He'll probably kick my ass.

That's pretty...

Yeah, he's a big dude.

I don't know.

He's a nice guy, though.

Yeah, he was.

Just a motherfucker on the phone.

Altogether, it was a pretty cool place.

Definitely.

The beer, good food.

Good food, yep.

Weird bathrooms.

Everything else is cool.

Yeah.

Weird sinks in the bathrooms.

They're like little urinals.

Urinals.

Fear Authority, this is Emma.

How can I help you?

Hi, Enema.

Is Joey there?

Is who?

Joey.

Joe?

Can I ask what you need?

Well, I need to talk to him.

I'm sorry, Joe's not here right now.

Can I take a message?

Yeah, I had a question about the bathrooms.

Question about the bathrooms?

Yeah.

Hey, what's your name?

My name is Horse.

George?

Yes, sure, that's it, yeah.

All right, what's your phone number?

I don't want to give it up.

You're not going to give that up.

It's private.

When can I call him?

When can I reach him?

Joe's not often here.

When he is, he's in a meeting.

So I would recommend not giving your phone number so we can call you back when it's available

time for him.

You recommend not giving you my phone number?

Okay, you got it.

Whatever you say.

Okay.

You're the one that said it, not me.

I'm sorry.

It's very loud in here.

You're very hard to hear.

Can you speak up a little bit?

How about you shut up?

No, you first.

Stupid.

Turn the music down if you can't hear it.

Joe is not there.

She says that Joe's hardly there.

For real?

You ain't phasing the amazing

I don't know about that

He's there all the time

You shut up

No you shut up

How about you shut up

There's a Popeyes in Manhattan?

Popeyes Louisiana chicken?

Why would I go to Manhattan to Times Square to eat a Popeyes?

That's stupid

Who said that?

There's a Popeyes in

Who I'm calling in Times Square

Yeah it puts it on hold and sometimes I forget

Is this the Popeyes in Times Square?

Yeah it's 40th Street

Okay this is Times Square Popeyes

Nice

Nice. Okay. How many spaces come with the chicken?

Excuse me?

How many spaces come with the chicken?

What do you mean, how many?

Spaces.

What are you asking?

Chicken.

Chicken what?

How many spaces come with it?

What do you mean, how many spaces?

You know spaces? You get spaces of chicken?

No.

How many spaces is it?

That.

Asshole.

Don't need no arum chicken.

This Mace

This is Jay-Z

Mace with better

Hi, I'd like to make an order.

Yeah, what do you think?

Don't be ignorant.

Yes.

Cross.

C-R-O-S-S.

Yeah, that's right, it's not a problem.

Better not be.

One curry?

Yes, sir. What size? And would you like any toppings?

One curry. Put it in a container? In the container?

So, I'm sorry, you just want the curry sauce?

In the container. The food, everything, the curry, you know?

Yep. You just have to specify which order you'd like.

Yeah, curry with rice and all that shit?

Yes. So what size would you like?

One container.

I'm so sorry, sir. Am I being trolled right now?

No, you're being rude is what is ignorant a little bit, I think.

Well, I'm trying to help you, sir. So what size would you like?

One container.

I'm sorry.

We have lots of containers.

You need to tell me a size, sir, or I'm going to have to hang up because I have some other

orders to do.

You have styrofoam containers?

No, we don't have any styrofoam anymore.

What do you have?

I mean, just paper containers.

Okay, I'll take one of those.

That's the one I want.

Okay, but what size would you like for the rice and curry, sir?

Oh, my God.

Is there a man I could talk to whom I don't understand?

Okay, I'm sorry.

I'm going to hang up now.

Goodbye.

Okay, you're good at that.

You're good at doing that.

Not figuring out the problems.

Gonna have to end the show soon

Because of Dwight

Dwight's ass

He's a motherfucker

Fucking Dwight

Motherfucker

I don't know what to do.

Look at your ass.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know who to call.

Call the police.

No.

Oh.

I already had the police call to me today.

Oh, so what'd you do?

Usual hotel stuff, you know.

Breaking windows, mirrors and stuff.

Fake breaking?

Yeah.

Fraking.

Cutting out your lunk alarm call right now.

Ooh, nice.

That was a good one.

What is this playing?

No idea what that was playing.

Ethan, you're still with me.

He died.

I think Ethan dropped.

Thank you for calling the Red Roof Inn, Toledo University.

To reach a guest, press 1.

For reservations, press 2.

For directions, enter the guest room number now.

Or to speak with a guest service representative,

please enter the first three letters of the party's last name.

Or stay on the line.

Now you gotta do that shit.

The spelling was incorrect. Please hold.

Fuck you.

They make you spell the name now.

It's like impossible whenever you get those dialed by name directories and so on.

I always fuck it up.

Yeah.

Now Red Roofie can't just dial with a room number.

Now you gotta have the name.

Hello.

This is John Red Roof.

Vince Lee and Riff is a day to speak.

How may I assist you?

Yeah, I need one two seven.

They put you a GPS.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

That guy sounds like he loves his job.

Yeah.

He didn't even follow the proper procedure.

Hello?

Okay.

And they just picked up the phone.

What'd they do?

What happened?

Wait, what happened indeed?

I love the cocaine.

Yeah, hi.

Can I have 127, please?

Yes.

Yes, this is room 127.

Okay, I'm calling from the front desk.

My name is Cross.

We have a problem here with your room.

Okay, there's a large amount of bed bugs on that bed.

You haven't been laying on that bed, have you?

Okay.

Well, you probably want to stop doing that because you got bed bugs now.

We got a bed bug problem here.

Can you...

Why did they give him this room, then?

Well, I mean, you fell through the cracks.

What do you want me to tell you, okay?

I'm sorry.

okay all right we we've been drinking and stuff it's one of our birthdays one of the guys here

this is birthdays we're having a little bit of celebration we weren't being as serious as we're

supposed to be okay are you complaining are you being rude i'm gonna put a rude bitch fee here

i had to use a stupid bitch fee didn't i yeah just the other day parkman sent me a number

to a hotel that he was in yeah and he said the people next door yeah all right so i called and

And, you know, did the whole – we had an ethnic indicator in the walls and that it went from green to yellow-red.

And I was asking them if they had been jumping on the bed and all that shit.

And they're like, no, no, no.

And I said, they said you were yelling honky this, cracker that.

Oh, man.

And they're like, no, no.

And so I had her pounding the wall three times to reset the ethnic indicator in the wall.

And then Parkman was down in the fucking lobby when they came down to bitch and he fucking recorded him on video bitching at the front desk.

about the fucking ethnic indicator

in the wall. Nice.

Yeah, it was good. Very nice.

Hell yeah. Yeah.

Here's another motel.

I remember once on Ice Goose's show

I called...

Hello? Hello?

Yeah, do you have any whites-only rooms?

We don't have any rooms. You don't have any whites-only rooms

ever?

What for tonight? We are house...

Do you need a room, you said?

Yeah, for Sharmuta and me.

Do you have a... Is there a son here?

Madhouse Rita, you're on the air.

they'll be in order please press one for directions or hours of operation press two

to speak with the first available one of those rocking chairs there in your front in front of

the store in my van and i drove off with it sale sign i really like them and there ain't nothing

you can do about it all right okay all right we're on the highway already ain't nothing you

can do about it i just want to make sure we don't have no trouble with you people let's talk to the

manager we're good right all right put the manager on okay crack if you're black you're gonna wait a

long time for your food it always ends up taking longer for me to do the online order than if i

would have just gone in so stupid and they don't give you the option to pay so they make you wait

another line i hate that shit i want to pay in the app and get out just i just want to go in

say who i am and get my food and walk out i'm a lazy guy you shouldn't have to pay i should be

be able to steal it like this rocky chair makes you want to eat some corn hello hello stupid woman

mess up the phone yeah shit got about 20 minutes so big dwight takes over at the top of the hour

everyone's going to stay tuned to parent call nation of course for that hope you're all enjoying

the show hope you all have enjoyed the show rather i really enjoy doing shows for the good

fans of madhouse radio the true fans thank you thank you all for supporting people like dwight

mcclanahan i appreciate it thank you to all my patreon subscribers i put your support to good

use and i want you to know that i have been working on editing shows so i get them on the

tune in and all that stuff uh on dwight you've been doing the same right you you're updating

your shout your shut my shoutcast your podcast now right on prank call nation site dwight boy

Boy, boy.

I apparently muted myself.

Yeah.

Stupid.

Along with...

YouTube.

The new stuff.

Like, I've been putting out the full show and then cutting out calls from the show so

like people don't have to dig through an entire show to find a call they liked.

Nice.

And then I'm going back through old shows and cutting shit out and posting old shows

and all that shit.

You motherfucker, you.

And the chat says, you don't buy baseball cards with my Patreon.

It's a bad investment.

Baseball cards, man.

man dude i was at a flea market today and i saw that when this guy had him he just had tons of

fucking cards i'm like god that is so fucking september 10th it's so 90s you know the whole

oh i'm gonna get rich off of these baseball cards oh baseball cards basketball cards i got

you know all these fucking and they're selling them all for a doll like who want this shit

oh yeah i got a fucking there was a guy i've actually run into like two or three on facebook

live trollings yeah where they're they were just sitting there opening up new packs of baseball

cards oh motherfuckers sell these uh of course i blew their fucking live up non-stop i mean when

i was in high school i collected cards when i was in high school especially basketball cards

i had a lot of them i had tons of them man and it was such a waste of time and money i could

use that on other stuff like porno man yeah fucking baseball man then there was beanie babies

all that fucking craze we're literally like i think they're beating the shit out of each other

trying to get those all right there's a documentary about baseball cards that just came out about what

a ripoff they were seriously dude dude i saw this espn 30 for 30 i think it was it was about this

one guy who who was really good at copying um signatures like autographs and he was signing

shit left and right like when mark mcguire and sammy sosa were going at it you know he kept he

was signing like all this shit baseballs he made a ton of money and that the fbi got involved and

everything they raided him uh it was quite quite the interesting espn production this guy's story

he was really good at copying shit he could he would just get like lists people said they wanted

uh you know an oj simpson and this and that and he he was really good at and like he could fool

he could fool and yeah cuz you know they always give you like a certificate of authenticity it's

like bullshit like there's no big governing body yeah i used to even buy the beckett there was

these beckett magazines that the it was like just a sports magazine and in the middle it had a

section that had all the cards listed and would tell you the price yeah i had a shaquille o'neal

card oh shit we got a call in here i'm sorry i forgot about you i'm high man what's up you like

at them baseball cards hell yeah i used to make them fight yeah like pokemon yeah there were these

infomercial guys they used to get on and sell baseball cards and beanie babies and they were

always yelling the whole time like we got we got 10 packs 10 boxes of these cards they're all in

here they're all mixed up look at this we just got a jose canseco rookie card in this one they

would sit there and open them up and just keep showing off the ones that were getting they were

were selling them remember like it was kind of like billy mays this is two guys and all they

would just yell the whole time about these baseball cards like sports cards and beanie

babies that they had it was quite the big thing in the late 90s those guys never heard of that

guy anymore look at you overdosed on fucking cocaine like old billy fucking billy so they

found coke in the system but yeah yeah i thought his heart exploded on a plane right after it

landed yeah like cocaine the cocaine pressures like carrie fisher all right let's call let's

see if i can get him to answer now the odd jobs guy where is his number here it is happy we found

this guy again but just gotta get him to answer the phone that's the problem jim wagner fuck you

yeah this is jim wagner jim wagner fuck you i let you lay in a bed but never let you do anything

i think too that's my recollection well it's almost dwight's time we have to end the show

eat dinner and then join you dwight yeah you gotta make a racist call first

a racist call

why would i do a racist call sorry caller i had you on hold nothing happened you missed nothing

uh i do know i started going back through some like 2014 stuff that brad had of mine

uh a lot of btr that was uh the n-bomb got dropped quite a bit yeah but that was a way to push the

buttons of the btr people because it was mostly black people at the time damn man you feel bad

now uh yeah i'm trying to figure out a way to edit it i'm like jesus christ i can't just let

the n-bomb fly like every two seconds you're looking for a one bedroom apartment hello you're

looking for a one bedroom apartment fuck them they can sleep outside then man watch me some

of boogie nights the other night carlito it's a good movie man it's one of my favorite movies

you're giving me shit kurt my wife's got a cock in her ass in the driveway no ass in her cock i

thought you said ass in her cock yeah i think he fucked it up you think that they kept the take

you think so i think so yeah probably it's like it worked it worked man it was funny

to an automatic voice message system four zero four three seven all right caller once again i

left hand hold on accident but you missed nothing all right someone's looking for a good loving

horse that sounds like my kind of call oh shit you are the horse you are the feces what's up

dozer thanks good call good show tonight my man have you heard about death fox lately man i haven't

heard from death fox in years he showed up in the irc and one time he's like i'm doing good again

i'm clean and he started saying i'm drunk i'm i got pills in me right now that's like the time

that you uh were like oh you should have the dead on like he's sobered up he's good and like that

next week i had him on he was drunk as shit yeah it didn't last long i'm sorry the person you were

trying to reach has a voicemail box that has not been set up yet remember when you when you told

me the other day that he had a woman again and then it wasn't like three days later he was like

oh i'm so heartbroken he's he's trying to get this muslim woman now and he can't be drinking

i told him that he didn't want to listen to the problem with getting him on he just yells and

yells and yells it's too much it's like when my nephews come over to visit jesus christ oh they

do that too little motherfuckers i imagine pickles is respectful she's not all loud and

jumping around she doesn't make a whole lot of noise you give her her tablet and headphones and

then off she goes and she farts she said real stinky she does fart yeah oh sorry you're i'm

Boring you caller. My bad. All right, my man. Please leave your message for hello. Hello. How you doing there?

You got a pasture?

You got a pasture. You got a pasture available for horses?

Yeah, I got a horse I wanted to bring to the pasture I wanted to film a movie with my horse

horse okay uh where's it at now uh is the horse right now it's in uh it's in a storage uh unit

well let me give you a call back they told me we can't keep horses here so we got to get it out as

soon as we can yeah where you got where you live at i'm in rogersville i'm on horse machine ranch

i live on horse machine ranch road okay yeah we're trying to we're trying to film a pornographic film

with the horse all right all right would you be well i'll get huh we are are you against your

your pasture being on a pornographic film with a horse and a woman a brazilian woman i don't care

whatever y'all do y'all business all right all right yeah this isn't the first time that he's

been involved with a horse in a porno you do what you want it ain't my business it ain't my business

long do i get to give that horse a carrot well yeah you let me give him a carrot let me get a

ride on the horse you know all right caller brother man i'm gonna let you go in case someone

else wants to call in do you still do uh voicemail i can let's see what's in the voicemail see how

many haters have lost the voicemail thank you caller i don't really think i have any someone

wants to update my wells fargo account apparently that's what the text says i'll update it for you

i'll update it real good yeah oh i'm looking at november i gotta no no voicemail actually

none tonight we used to have a bunch of those yeah they're done tonight because i had stopped

playing them and my bad the obituary guy you know that motherfucker no voicemails a lot of

text messages from macron carlito yay be a fucking man and talk to macron live pussy yes i'm gonna

put macron on to take over my show yes it sounds exactly what i want to do give him more attention

yeah people should just give up on that idea because it's not gonna happen nope i remember

before they are persistent though when everything fell out and he kept calling you on your show

wanting to be on he kept skyping you wanted to be on yeah well

you do gotta give it to those people they are persistent though yeah fucking

cockroaches bro no idea what the it's how obsessed the guy is with me he's texting me constantly

during the show but uh i talked to the guy that uh we stayed with last time at the airbnb in

san jose carlito yeah and uh he he uh offered to give us a discount when i asked him i said

yo hey we kept it clean you know like everything looked good you know yeah he offered like a five

percent discount yeah matt hill oxy let's try to call matt hey people have been saying he hasn't

been posting online lately all right i wouldn't know he unfriended me you made a big deal about

the whole thing you were deleting his stuff he didn't like that well i figured he'd keep it on

his page if he was so proud of it he didn't need to go spread it over on there catch up in the

bathroom i just don't get it my cell phone is off so i can't get his cell phone number i'd call him

see if i could reach him see if he's doing all right wasn't he supposed to move by now people

People are like, oh, he took that GoFundMe money and ran.

All right, hang on.

My phone's already up.

Let's see.

I think I have him saved as Matt Hallock.

Let's see.

That would make sense.

I don't know what else I would call him.

Wheelchair boy.

Wheelchair Matt.

Smoothie Matt.

Smoothie guy.

Smoothie on wheels.

He won't recognize the caller ID.

I know that.

He'll probably still answer it.

The person you're trying to reach is not accepting calls at this time.

Please try your call again later.

That's not a good sign.

He's went dark and he's got no phone.

Yeah, well, there's your update.

His cell phone doesn't answer now.

Shit.

Well, he's MIA.

Pray for Matt.

Pray that his chair will carry him swiftly back into our lives.

Be nice.

All right, last call tonight.

Hope you guys enjoyed the show.

Hope it was a good show.

I usually can't determine until after I hear it again.

Hello, caller?

You there?

Hello?

Hey, what's up?

All right.

Oh, caller's still there.

I heard stuff in the background.

It scared me.

Hello?

Hi, caller.

Hello, this is Carlito talking to you on the phone.

Hello?

Hi.

I think he's confused because he's got the feed going at the same time.

uh got that delay turned on your radio listen on your listen on your phone not on the computer

we're on delay i gotta end the show anyway i call i gotta go gonna hang up on you

i already did whoops all right so like i said no voicemail no voicemail the show is over thank you

everyone who tuned in tonight much appreciated thank you for all your support as i said earlier

stay tuned for dwight here in just a few moments jb money with a super chat said big fan dwight

can y'all troll periscope please do you do periscope trolling ever uh no i could look

into it do people even do periscope anymore i don't know how uh how much information we can

get about people really and to kind of call fuck what i mean we can't troll their periscope and

just talk shit but i'm gonna say days of the clam calls the the oysters the big stinky oysters yeah

the big clams

they would get mad when you call them clams

yeah we call them clams

they'd get so pissed

the word's going around

there's your silent monk of arm upgrade

call there

yeah he used to get pissed

the word's going around now with the

clothing people and the cheap jewelry people

yep these are the new

couch people these trolls they call you

and they fuck with your life they interrupt you

they ruin your

you're you're a lot we're trying we're trying to have a business it's like you're operating an mlm

multi-level marketing yeah yes pyramid scheme yes yes sir shy boy 760 with a donation also said you

and dwight make some funny ass prank calls thank you man we both appreciate that if i may speak on

dwight's behalf well be sure to donate to dwight too tonight man not just me don't you know walter

Mr. Heimlich Maneuverer says,

Good to see you back, big guy.

Big guy.

How much longer are you on tonight?

A few more?

No, not anymore.

I'm ending now because Dwight's about to start.

You doing Saturdays now on?

I just did a set because I missed yesterday.

I'm trying to do Fridays.

I'm doing my stand-up on Thursdays.

People are asking a lot about the stand-up.

They want to hear it or see it or whatever.

I'll see if I can get one of the people to record a video of it.

Maybe I can upload it.

I don't know.

I'm not really comfortable with my stand-up 100% yet.

They're really short sets.

you only get four minutes but i'm starting to get into my own it's all right i'll drive i'll

drive out there and record you and heckle you nah i get this one girl she'll do it is it your wife

no i would have called her that one girl that's my wife that one girl that one she you know that

one girl lives in my house sleeps in my bed you know i love being married dwight don't get married

all right everyone i know it's great i love i love being married i gotta go bye see you later

later have a good show i'll join you later all right all right labia bye bye labes that's right

mcclanahan all right guys catch you here next week hopefully on friday you know what i mean

madhouse live.com patreon.com slash madhouse that's it it's madhouse

Calls (30, 1 h 13 min of 2 h 7 min)

Transcript

Comments 0