Tuna Panties

ladies and gentlemen this is the main event of the evening

yes hello good evening is this christina amasca speaking my name is cross i'm with

little caesar's customer support uh corporate office oh hi hi i understand you had some kind

of complaint yeah um this was a few weeks ago i'm not sure when it was but um i actually went

through the drive-through restaurant um and as soon as i get there like i'm just trying to make

my typical day my run and the lady she was so rude and and naughty and she didn't want to give

me my receipt and um i just remember she was just she was naughty yeah she was just like um kind of

just like rude the way she was just looking at me and then i'm like uh and then i'm like can i have

my receipt and she's like uh i don't know she makes a few comments and then um i'm like is

there something wrong am i bothering you like um i'm just here to you know basically pick up some

pizza for my kids i mean i'm just asking for my receipt and she's like yes yeah and she's talking

to me like really rude and stuff and uh she was like hello yeah you're saying she's being really

Really rude to you?

Nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh.

Nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh.

What did you expect?

What did you need?

What was so bad?

Was the pizza good?

Did you eat the fucking pizza?

Damn.

A little bit too much there.

So I couldn't let her go longer.

Please leave your message for Christina Refio.

Ooh, I got the F you button.

Nyeh, nyeh, nyeh.

So if you can't tell, I'm calling some complainers.

Wah, wah.

Who's gonna mac and cheese two dragon mirrors from A1 Steak Sauce, motherfucker?

Hello?

Hello.

Hello, Carol. My name is Cross. I'm calling from Dickie's Barbecue Customer Support.

Oh, good. I'm glad I picked up the phone. I almost didn't.

Oh, here we go. Here we go. So what happened? You had a complaint?

Well, I did. I went into Albertsons and bought three $40 gift cards to Dickie's and gave them to some of my teachers, okay?

And one of them, and I haven't heard back from the other two, but when I bought that day, I bought...

uh-huh fart i bought three three forty dollar gift cards okay i haven't heard back from the

other two and i'm hoping they're okay but one of my gals brought me back the little part that's on

the bottom because i always put the part that says approved you know yeah and yeah and for the

forty dollars and so did you fart on it before you enter no but um they went into dickies and

And when they swiped the card, they said it's invalid.

Oh, shit.

So they gave it back to me.

Fucking shit, right?

God damn it.

Fucking shit.

We did it again.

Fuck.

It just pisses me off so bad.

You know?

This fucking place.

Well, but you know what?

Your language is really upsetting.

God damn it!

Damn it!

Shit!

Another one that I ended too soon.

I could have done better with that.

Hello?

Damn it.

I'm sorry.

I just get so frustrated.

I know.

No, but please use better language, okay?

I'm breaking the windows in my cubicle.

Okay.

All right, so she tried to use the card, and the stupid thing didn't work?

Right.

That's very good.

Thank you.

Yes, and so I went back to Albertsons, and they said,

well, call the number on the back of the card, which I went home and did.

I called the number, and they said there's $40.

I'm getting a lot of noise.

Yeah, I'm breaking glass.

Mm-hmm.

Breaking all the glass.

I'll stop.

All right.

There.

All right.

So you went back to Albertsons, you said?

Well, yeah.

And they said there wasn't anything they could do.

Well, there's not.

There's not.

Just so you know, there's not.

But then I called on the back of the card.

There's a number.

I called that number.

And the number said, yes, there's $40.

When I punch in the card number, it says, yes, there's $40 on that card.

So then I went, I called, I went back to Albertson and said, can't you do anything?

Because they say there's $40, and they go, nope, they can't do nothing.

So that's when I got on the Dickies line and said, I have a complaint.

I don't know what to do with this $40 card that when I punch the number in, it says there's $40 on it,

but the Dickies in our town won't take it.

So now I'm out $40, and I've been charged on my credit card $40, but they can't use this $40 card.

Okay.

So, that's why I reached out to corporate to say, what can I do with this $40 card?

So, I've done my due diligence and gone to everybody, gone to Albertsons three times,

because I've got my receipt.

It's not their problem, I said.

Oh, can I talk to someone else, please?

Why?

Because you're yelling at me, and it's not my problem, it's yours.

It's not my problem, and it's not my problem that you've got a problem, you understand?

Okay, I will call back at another time, thank you.

Alright, asshole. Motherfucker.

Hey, fucking asshole.

Hello?

My name is Meat. I'm calling from Home Depot. You have an issue?

Yes, uh-huh.

Alright, what seems to be the problem there, Ms. Roberts?

I'm going up the hallway. My wall's messed up.

There's a big gash in my upstairs.

I'm trying to put the refrigerator above the glass dish.

Okay, well, the delivery then-staller said that you were very rude and nasty?

Well, he said he was angry that you were racist and that you had a Confederate flag.

And you were showing it to him black well

He said you were saying build the wall you were saying build the wall about you

You said you left you said you left black marks on my wall build the wall you said build a fucking wall

No

Black people can have the verbal flag

Haven't you heard of Blacks for Trouble

Yeah hey don't hang up on me

That's shit

I'm so funny

I'm Milkman

Have a blessed day and you talk like that

Yeah pick up the fucking phone

Yeah you say in your message

Have a blessed day but when I talk to you

You're the fucking devil

I said on your voice message

you're a black devil you're a black devil

you're a black devil and your house smells like marijuana

yeah there was there was marijuana smoking going inside your house

yeah that's right stupid angry what's your name my name is culo

uh i saw where did you see it on the bed you were you were on you you were laying on top of it

masturbating yeah he called my phone so was you looking at me when i went out was your mother

and father looking no you're no don't talk don't bring up my mother and father all right well why

did you say that you came into my home and messed my house up and you call me with your nasty mouth

calling me all kinds of names

telling me I'm masturbating

I got a confederate ego

saying my house smells like marijuana

you're from Home Depot

what you doing talking to a customer like that

you have a dirty nasty house too

I don't know how people can live like that

like animals

you know

I don't know

well since you're from Home Depot

you're in some big trouble sweetie

I ain't in shit motherfucker

Motherfucker you ain't shit. You ain't shit

You ain't gonna do shit

Everyone's ass over there

you ain't you won't do shit

you see how you are

you shut the fuck up

I know where you people live

And we got you on tape, too.

We got you on tape.

Why are you so upset about black marks on your wall?

You people are black.

If you touch the wall and you leave black marks on it, right?

What's the difference?

You ain't doing shit.

Shit, motherfucker.

Oh, don't be scared.

No, come on, come on.

You might have to go back and do that, bro.

Come on, please.

No, please.

Please don't, man.

Come on, man.

Uh-oh.

Wow.

Hello, fucking caller.

Thanks for calling.

You're on the call line.

You touched the wall and leave black on it.

That's kind of fucked up.

Oh, my God.

Big lesson.

Yes, sir.

No.

No, no, no.

I've been destroyed by you. That was funny.

That was good stuff.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Oh, that's the fucking fake network.

Oh, my goodness.

How you doing?

I'm all right.

Yeah, I can't get used to this cold weather up here.

Fuckin' June.

Cold where you at?

Well, it gets down to the 50s.

Yeah, I'm constantly cold, man.

I've had a nosebleed all day.

Huh?

Hepatitis?

Why?

It's your blood pressure.

It's up there probably.

Are you taking tennis?

Are you on Eloquence?

I'm on Nefetipine.

Yes.

Extended.

I see, I see.

Hi, Margaret.

Currently unavailable.

Please leave a message.

Margaret.

Margaret Hamilton.

I seen you in that movie back in 1942.

I don't know what to do.

I'm your supervisor.

Yes.

Which company is this?

Home Depot.

Okay, nice to meet you.

I'm Lloyd Gerbel, the supervisor here at the call center for Home Depot.

I'm looking to speak to the person that was on the phone earlier.

That.

Home Depot.

You know her name?

Well, we were monitoring one of our people here at the call center, and he suddenly jumped up out of his car.

It's Valerie Roberts. She's nasty.

Oh, yes, Valerie. Yeah, yeah. Anyway.

And what's your name again?

Roy Gerbel. G-E-R-B-I-L.

Okay.

O-F-A. O-F-A, what do you mean by that?

Why are you calling?

There was an escalation, obviously. My call taker was over here screaming, and I was trying to figure out what he was screaming about.

Well, you know what? I'm going to tell you like this. Tomorrow, I'm going to Home Depot, and I'm going to let them listen to the recording that I recorded.

Which recording? What happened? Hold on for a second. Listen, listen. Okay, exactly what happened? Yeah, what happened exactly?

Exactly.

Why don't you come to Fergusburg and I'll tell you what happened.

No, actually, I'm going to tell you what happened.

Your person insulted Ms. Roberts on the phone.

He said that she was rude to him.

He said that she was laying on her bed masturbating with a rebel flag.

So tomorrow she's going home to talk to somebody there.

She was laying on her bed masturbating with a...

Yeah, that's what he said.

With a rebel flag?

This lady's a liar.

She's crazy.

Listener.

I don't know who I'm going to believe.

We'll have a good night.

We'll talk to you tomorrow.

Who?

And that's that.

What?

I should not have interjected.

But I called her.

Tomorrow at Home Depot.

Oh, boy.

Wait a minute.

This is more than three.

What you drinking there?

Some iced tea?

That's exactly what I'm drinking.

Nothing sounds like Ice-T, man.

What else could it be?

Parkman sent me numbers.

I don't know where he sent them to.

They popped up on my screen and they went away.

I don't know where he did.

I don't think he uses Discord.

That's weird.

Parkman, if you're listening, send those numbers via email.

That's the only way I remember that you do it.

I don't know where they went to.

They popped up.

I don't know where.

Maybe he did Facebook.

Let me check Facebook.

I'm on to complainers

Thanks to Big Sarah for sending

Complainer numbers, that's much appreciated

Man, I miss the days

When we do all those complaint calls

Yeah

That was good

Or when Brad would call and say

Can I get the last 10 customer phone numbers

Yeah

But

Maybe here a few cycles

We can really live those days again

Not right now though

And

kind of calming down

down low

let me get on out of here

and enjoy my iced tea

I'm completely

I'm completely out of material

but I'm

I'm planning on buying

a second hand mixer

I might do my own

surprise show somewhere

I don't know why

oh no

I won't see

anyway

I've had all night

alright there

take it easy

way of hook on

thank you

big love

you can call in

9405

396

6884

Oh, yeah, hey, guys, listen, we're worried about Matt Hillock.

He butt-dialed me, and he left me this voicemail.

I'm a little worried about Matt, and I don't know if anyone out there has heard from Matt Hillock.

I will tell you if I'm dead.

Last time, I think I walked away without saying this, but I'm saying it now.

Anybody fucks in my shit while I'm in the fucking hospital,

They better answer to me, any cocksucker that steals from me or puts in my shit, I'm going

to dump the shit and I'll kick the shit out of any cocksucker or kill.

I may not be able to whip everybody, but I can sure as hell kill any cocksucker that

lives.

It's not a normal thing for people to have to say this to their friends.

But I have to say this to you because, goddammit, you did it the last time.

All right, well, hopefully he's all right.

Oh, there it is.

Park Bam was sending me numbers on Skype.

i got him there motherfucker thank you thanks brother all right big brother comics big booty

brother comics hopefully matt hillock's okay i don't know what the meaning of that message was

that recording i guess he's on his way to the hospital again he doesn't want anyone to fuck

with his shit anymore it was a very intoxicated mad hillock arguing with someone him as his mom

hi yes i'd like to comment do you have do you do magic the gathering i want to play i have

Do you have a level 5 power sword?

No.

Where can I get a level 5 power sword?

It's not a card, if I'm not mistaken.

Level 5 power sword.

I just need a level 5 power sword.

Okay, I don't know where to check on the internet.

Well, no, I want to buy it.

Because if I get it on the internet, I have to wait and wait, you know?

Oh, yeah, we don't have one. Sorry, buddy.

It's not a magic card.

Oh, but, I mean, can we do something?

Can we make it?

No.

It's a wizard's job.

We'll make a level 5 power sword, and it'll be a 5-5 creature with trample.

Sweet.

Yeah, that sounds cool.

All right.

And then I'll punch you in the face.

That seems cool.

And then I'll pull your pants down.

No.

Every time I near.

Every time I fuck your wife.

Dirty Aaron was going to join us tonight.

He's supposed to be connected, but he's not talking.

Oh, I think I had him muted.

Hey, Dirty Ron.

Dirty moron.

Dirty Aaron.

God damn it.

hey hear me now uh yeah oh yeah you know it how you been dirty aaron i asked you before you didn't

answer me very rudely sorry yeah i'm an asshole uh i've been okay oh good that makes me happy

yeah that's good are you blessed uh i am i am blessed by the lord baby jesus six pound eight

ounce black small baby baby baby hello you have some uh chickens yes my name is meat

well you have to call back tomorrow

well uh can I see the chickens tomorrow

too late I guess

well you're calling the south yeah

uh that's like uh Tennessee

yeah I guess is it the south I guess

Tennessee is definitely the south

sir there you go

they were a slave state right yep

they were definitely uh in the confederacy

Tennessee didn't join the confederacy

I thought

they stayed in the union they were rewarded

by getting to keep slaves for longer

longer we want to keep them longer because they were good all right falafel stop here

you said the guy is real angry oh yeah so let me hear i'll tell you this story i was there for work

uh it was a one-day trip and uh there was like a russian girl behind the counter and it's it's

kosher so one side has the falafel you know the the vegetarian the other side has the meat yeah

and anyways so that every every station that i went to like you pay for one then you get your

food at another and then you get like your side dish or whatever another he was there like next

to me like telling the employees what to do then while i was there eating somebody screwed up the

order and he got a phone call and he was screaming at whoever was on the phone then he was screaming

at the employees so i'm a little excited okay he's a bald guy with glasses fucking he's a nerd

thank you for calling to office bob this is michelle how can i help you yeah i want to talk

to the bald guy with the glasses okay well he's not in the building i can give you his number if

he's like oh i would love that yes sure it's numbers are you ready uh-huh it's eight five

four oh eight five eight his name is jonathan his name is jonathan and he's an asshole right

yep okay i'm looking forward to it lovable he's an asshole he was yelling at me he he was cursing

at me he said call me mfr like that he said motherfucker are you to me really and why does

does he do that i don't know sorry i don't know okay all right what was your name what was your

name my name is michelle michelle okay all right honey baby have a good day bye honey labia bye

i'm so fucking excited right now we got a cell phone and i just changed my call rd to be the

restaurant so he should pick up oh very good very good um uh he's israeli so i don't know

uh hello yeah hey hello hey yes hey motherfucker yes how are you

i picked up the phone and i called you uh michelle told me to give you a call

what michelle said to call you who is this my name is meat why who are you why are you

because motherfucker michelle said to give you a fucking call ask because you're an asshole she

She said, I'm at the restaurant.

I'm at the restaurant.

It's a piece of shit.

What?

The restaurant's a piece of shit.

Are you cussing?

Yeah, I'm cussing.

Okay, then get it.

Fucking you.

Yeah, it's okay.

Fucking me?

Okay, I'm coming over right now. All right, motherfucker. Well, listen, Michelle said you're an ass

Yes, hey motherfucker. Come on, man. I'm gonna call the police on you right now. Why is the food so bad here?

Oh, I don't feel Michelle taking off her pants and her panties for me in the bathroom

You know, I know what you're doing you you're dialing like a pussy for my somebody else

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up, man

Shut up in right now. Shut up. If you're a man come on the bathroom. I'll suck your dick

Yes, man.

I'll suck your dick.

And you know something?

What?

Yeah, I'm sure you will because you're a fucking cunt, man.

Iggy!

Yeah, yeah.

Come.

I want to see you.

I'm here outside.

I'll see you when you are.

I'll fucking break every bone in your body, you motherfucker.

You won't do shit, motherfucker.

Your falafel is a piece of shit.

Come right now.

You're a piece of shit.

I can't.

I'm in the bathroom.

If you were a man, you would be here facing me right now.

No, I'm in the toilet because your food gave me diarrhea.

It's so bad.

Diarrhea, it's okay.

It's lubricated for somebody to fuck you up the ass.

Yeah, you want to because you're homosexual.

Okay, listen to me.

Don't call me anymore.

And if you want to talk to me, come right now.

Shut up.

I'm from Haifa.

Yeah, you're a fucking Arab.

That's what you are.

Yeah, hey, hey, will you watch it, motherfucker?

I'm so fucking happy.

You're a fucking Arab.

oh my god i'm so happy

fucking arab is what you are dude do it all right dirty aaron there's a request here for you

there's a plan of fitness about the idea that you had about sleeping with the instructor

the weight goal yeah remember that i tried to do it recently it didn't go that well but that

was a funny premise here i'll connect it prepare yourself prepare your dick am i coming through

you okay or what i'm on the stupid fucking android phone you sound good yeah you may be

getting an echo if you are just let me know and i'll fix that okay thank you first of all what

employee gives out the owner's cell phone number what the fuck yeah without even questioning just

like no question no question yeah here's his fucking cell phone number how long did it take

you to get the turkish guy's cell phone number like a while right yeah yeah that took some

All right, here it is.

The Planet Fitness.

Hey, Pop.

I just like having some time to help you.

Yeah, how's it going?

Who am I speaking with?

You.

Huh?

Hello?

Yes.

Is this the gym?

Can you hear me, son?

There's something wrong with your connection.

Oh, something's wrong with my connection?

Maybe it's your fucking connection, asshole.

Who was that?

Can you hear me?

Yeah, I can hear you.

Okay, great.

Just making sure.

All right.

So, after you took the cotton out of your fucking ears, now can we talk about the gym?

yes okay good so look uh is this the the do you guys have personal trainers over there yes okay

what what's the rate so with our membership uh with any membership you are uh we offer free

fitness training free fitness training you mean like a like a personal trainer a free personal

trainer yes so we offer a design your own program where you'll sit down with our certified trainer

you guys will go over your fitness experience and fitness goals and any medical issues that

from using the equipment or anything like that i got a real bad case of uh you know i'm having

trouble getting getting hard you know lately i'm getting older is that does you think this will

help out uh i'm not sure yeah you're not a doctor i understand it's fine so look here's the situation

is that i was with uh do the do the personal trainers ever um you know get together with the

uh the people after hours or you know is there some other like side training or anything like

that goes on over there um i believe once our trainer clocks out like you know there's like

you know like she clocks out okay it's up to her yeah yeah well so i mean the situation is is i got

kind of screwed over at the uh another gym i won't name them but it's it's a big one you know and i

got signed up with this woman who was the trainer and you know i used to be about excuse me about

350 pounds and uh you know i was going there for about 11 months and i was going there every day

And the way that she would motivate me, you know, she'd say, if you get to 250 pounds, I'll suck your dick.

And I'd be there.

I'd be I'd be doing squats and she'd be whispering in my ear, telling me all kinds of things like this and making sexual innuendo in my ear and telling me that she was going to have sex with me.

And then I so I you know, she told me she needed a little bit of extra money.

So I helped her.

I financed her a car and, you know, I was I was giving her money because her kid was sick.

And, you know, I feel like I maybe got taken advantage of a little bit.

I lost a lot of weight, but I don't know if you've ever heard anything like that before.

No, you don't expect anything like that from her at all.

No, that's not going on there?

Huh? What was that?

That's not going on over there?

Yeah, there's nothing like that going on over here.

I mean, I'll tell you, it works.

I mean, I think that they, but, you know, the only part is, is I think I fucked up by giving her money.

You know, I mean, I...

No, that's not what it's all about.

I leased her a new BMW, you know, and I paid her rent for a couple months, you know.

It kind of put me in the poorhouse a little bit, you know.

I'm just a regular guy.

I can't really afford that kind of thing, you know.

But, I mean, you know, she would whisper in my ear and tell me what she was going to do with me when I hit a certain way.

And then I'd get to that certain way, and she'd say, no, no, that's not what I said.

And then, you know, what do you think?

Think I got, think she was using me?

uh it sounds like it yeah that's a bummer huh okay well uh what was your name there bud

hunter what's your name huh what's your fucking name i just told you it i didn't hear it oh okay

well so anyways he's gone he's gone he has disconnected the call shit really didn't phase

Nice!

You sounded kinda awkward like, oh boy

You're kinda taking the word advantage

Dude, I found that it's the car

Shit, BMW

I think we need to call the office back

Hey baby

This is Pollo Loco

This is Pollo Loco, how may I help you?

How do I kill the chicken?

Are you kidding me? Get a life

What are you like a prank caller or something?

So stupid

Stupid?

Thanks for the 10x6, my name is Joseph, what's the game order today?

Yeah, do you have chicken?

I'm sorry?

Do you have chicken?

We have teriyaki chicken.

Yeah, how do I kill the chicken?

Alright, that's not funny, it's not working out, stop doing it, Carlito.

No, I think you can go try it one more time.

I think I don't...

Let's see what the Great Wall Restaurant, they gotta know how.

I'm gonna mute for a second, I need to go find a charging cable.

I gotta pee, it's almost break time, it's almost halfway through the show.

9.30, show ends at 1 in the morning.

just saying hi well i have a chicken how do i kill the chicken do you have one of those do you have

a cleaver a chinese people cleaver i can use to cut the neck off the chicken no yeah what's that

couldn't stay for the neck that's up to you a helpline where we can help you with that um

how do you kill the chicken i don't know you just mentioned the neck so that would be a good idea

Why don't you go from there

But he's such a cute little chicken

I feel bad

I can't hear

We're not a helpline

This is not the chicken killing helpline

You know those Chinese people love killing chickens

You were in China

How many dead chickens did you see in the window

More ducks than chickens really

Oh really

Yeah the duck

The duck is more...

You see the ducks in the window

but then the chickens.

Shit.

It's been a while since I've been to China

but I was in Taiwan.

That is China.

Fuck you, it is not.

Didn't I say that on your Facebook or something?

I think so, yeah.

I said one China.

One China policy.

Yeah, I said one China policy.

Hello?

Vietnamese?

I don't speak Vietnamese.

Okay, good.

How do I kill the chicken?

What I have a chicken and he won't shut up. I want to kill the chicken and make soup out of him

How do I kill the chicken?

Yes, his name is his name is Peck Peck

No, I have a chicken hello. I have a chicken. My name is meat. I want to kill the chicken

How do I kill the chicken?

No, no prank call. No, no prank call how I kill chicken DD Mao how I kill chicken DD Mao

You have a chicken how I kill chicken fucking peck peck peck peck peck. What do I name a stupid vietnamese?

Yeah, stupid vietnamese man

Hello. Hey, do you how much piss do you put in the bumble way?

How much piss is in the bumble way boom boy way? Do you do you have boom boy way? I gotta pee

I gotta pee. All right, I gotta go

It's a cheetah, it's a Chinese chicken.

Cheetah, it's a Chinese chicken.

Do you have a drumstick?

Shut up.

A drumstick?

Shut up.

Is this the Vietnamese embassy?

You're a wimp and you don't answer me.

Shut up.

I don't care.

I got to pee.

I got to go.

Bye.

Dirty Aaron, stay.

You stay.

I got to pee.

I'm going to go.

I'm going to mute you.

I got to pee real bad.

It's break time, everybody.

Break time.

Everyone go pee.

Play with your chicken.

We'll be back.

please record your invitation for this caller to join you in a private conversation

record after the tone hit any t when you're done yeah this is cross i'm puerto rican too i'm new

to town i just got in got off the plane a little bit ago just checked into my room in the strip

i don't know there was puerto ricans out here that's funny that's some shit let me know if you

want um i gotta rent a car i could get my driver to get me wherever or i could send a car for you

you if you want got a lot of money uh i know if you're in a lobster tail or anything like that

but maybe we can get something to eat and then you know do some fucking so if you're down for

fuck let me know press one for fuck thanks he liked what he heard and he's ready to connect

with you you're connected you can break the connection at any time by pressing the pound key

say hi hey guy hey what's going on man hey not much man where you from in puerto rico you're

from there you're just born here no no man the free portion of this call has ended if you're

You're already logged into your membership.

That wasn't an hour.

Time is now being deducted from it.

Time is now being deducted from your membership.

Hello.

Oh, it's been 20 minutes.

Hello.

It's been 20 minutes.

I'm sorry.

It was giving me 20 minutes free, and then it said that my free trial was up, but it

just fixed itself.

It's cool.

I'm sorry.

The machine was talking to me, the phone machine.

Hey, so you're not from Puerto Rico at all?

I'm from Guaynabo.

No, I'm from Newark, New Jersey.

Newark?

Oh, yeah.

I was out at Atlantic City not long ago.

That's kind of close to Newark, I think.

I drove through Newark and everything, yeah.

Yeah, man.

So, look, I'm on vacation and shit.

My wife is back at home in the Poconos, and I'm in town, and I'm looking, you know.

So, I mean, are you down?

Do you want me to send a car?

I could send a car for you if you want to chill.

I don't know.

You got a car?

What's your deal?

Yeah, I got wheels.

Definitely.

You know where the Bellagio is?

I'll tell you what.

Absolutely.

I'll tell you what.

I'm staying at the Bellagio all weekend, through the weekend.

Maybe if you want to come by.

I don't know.

Are you into fisting at all?

You ever tried doing that?

Oh, yeah.

That's a little too much.

My ass isn't ready for that.

Oh, well, I mean, I know how because I learned the other day.

You have to do one finger at a time.

Right.

I didn't know it was like that at first.

You sound a little ethnic, though.

Absolutely.

Okay.

That's cool.

I mean, yeah.

So what do you get into?

I'm a versatile top, bottom sometimes.

You know, not into kissing really.

A lot of body contact.

You know, man sets.

I'm into, like, I'll get in my car

and i'll see men in public and i'll ask you know i'll pull over i'll tell them to come to the car

and i'll like i'll have a friend in the car in the back seat and we'll open the door and we'll

pull them in and we'll take them to like maybe like a parking lot or like a wooded area and

we'll just talk for a little bit and then we return them back to where he's from okay have

you ever done anything like that no i mean you're gonna be down for that nothing i'm pretty much

open for whatever but i'm saying i mean i've got an escalade that they they got for me and

And I have a driver, but I'll tell him just to give me the keys.

It's cool.

I do this in different towns and stuff.

And then what you can do is you can sit in the back seat.

When I'll roll down the passenger window, it'll be empty.

Say, hey, man, come here real quick.

And then when he comes up to the window, then you open your door and just grab him and bring him in.

And we'll say, look, you know, we're intervening and we want to talk to you.

We're going to read the Bible, whatever it may be.

And then we'll go to a parking lot.

And then we have his way with him.

We fuck him.

OK.

Hey, if he's down, hey, if he's with it, I'm with it.

Well, I mean, it's a spontaneity thing.

You know, it's kind of like a social experiment I do, just to see how the people react.

Okay.

Yeah, let's do it.

All right, that's cool.

I mean, I don't know if you're going to be nervous or anything, but...

Oh, I'm sure it'd be my first time I'd be a little nervous, but should I handle it?

Okay.

Well, that's cool.

Well, it's always good to have an accomplice, you know.

In case the shit hits the fan or the chips get low, then I can maybe blame it on you or something.

Wow, check you out.

Well, I'm just saying.

I mean, you could do the same to me, and that way it's like we'll work together.

You know, you'll be my alibi, I'll be yours, and in the end, nothing's going to happen anyway.

I'm a lawyer, so.

Okay.

All right, well, why don't you take down my number, and you can give me a call myself.

Okay, what's your number is?

702-9148.

All right, what was your name, Gonzalez?

No, my name is Mike.

Mike Lopez?

No.

Martinez?

Enriquez?

Nope.

No, that's cool.

I mean, we'll figure it out.

I'll figure it out, but I will have to say, I insist on seeing ID when I see you.

I'm going to run a credit history on you and a criminal check.

Okay, no problem.

Yeah, go ahead and give me the call.

You got my number, right?

Yeah, I got it, Jose.

Okay.

All right, buddy.

I'll talk to you later.

Yeah.

Bye.

888-278-8509.

You know what?

I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trap door at the bottom.

So when you die, you open that trap door at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

All right, all right, I'm back, I'm back.

I just realized YouTube hasn't been streaming.

Unfortunately, no YouTube streaming means you guys missed out on some pretty good calls.

Some of the better calls in the last few weeks, last few weeks of show.

I have Apple again.

I'm joined here by Dirty Aaron and Dwight McClanahan, former friends, now enemies.

How are you guys doing?

I just realized something

That Frank was playing during the break

Of the gay man on the gay line

He sounded an awful lot like Milkman

The guy was going to sound like Milkman?

Yeah he sounded a lot like Milkman

The guy that I told we were going to

Basically rape someone

We're going to pull up up to someone

In Vegas and just pull him into the car

And drive to a wooded area

Just to talk

Just for fun

Just to talk some more stuff over

Alright guys

guys what should we call dwight any ideas sir kkk national hotline no they're gonna be closed right

now it's too late for racism uh let's see what i got at the moment there is a let's see if they're

open yes there's a cafe i have here that's open american mexican cafe and sports bar race traders

i got a gross yeah i got a grocery store i bet the whole band is running around in there i got

I got a Marshal's. Anything there that I just said, interest you.

Yeah, grocery store, yeah.

It's called Food for Less. Food for poor people.

We're calling California.

Alright, there's more numbers from Parkman also.

Thank you for calling Food for Less, can I help you?

Yeah, hello?

Food for Less, yes?

Yeah, hi. There's a problem in the restroom-o.

I'm sorry, say again?

There's a problem in the restroom-o.

I don't see.

They have a restroom?

yeah there's a man there's a i was in here you know how you have the baby changing station

you know how you have the station to change the baby's diapers in here yes yeah well i changed

my my child's diaper and then i tried to flush it down the toilet and now the toilet's plugged

and it won't work it won't go down okay let me get somebody hold on one second yeah but there's

a lot of poo poo in here oh that worked out well no the child had the poop all right all right we

We got an infomercial for a device called the Flea Doctor.

Let's see if I can play the commercial here so we know what we're doing.

When your dog is scratching and biting away at fleas, he could be in real pain.

Disgusting fleas bite them, causing severe irritation or even horrible skin allergies.

Well, now you can stop those blood-sucking fleas when you call the doctor, the Flea Doctor.

The easy-to-use electronic comb guaranteed to kill fleas and remove them from your pet.

The secret is in the Comfort Charge technology, which reaches deep into your pet's coat, finds the fleas, kills them, and removes them from your pet.

Watch as the flea doctor removed over a dozen fleas from this poor beagle, and all without chemicals, pesticides, or toxins.

Just brush it through your dog or cat's hair, and the comb releases a slight electronic charge that kills the fleas without any...

Yeah, hey, I had the ice creams.

Vanilla?

And, uh, what?

A while ago, yeah.

Yeah, and I'm in the bathroom now.

What do I do?

Yeah, but now it's time, you know?

Now it's time!

It's time now for the bathroom.

What do I do now that I'm in the bathroom?

Okay.

Yeah.

That sucks.

Still on hold with the flea doctor or whatever it is.

Dwight, want to talk to any friends?

Answered in the order it was received.

Thank you.

Does Dwight want to talk to who?

Friend Jonathan.

Jonathan?

Guy that...

I don't know.

Dwight's not even talking.

Yeah.

I sent you the number to that, uh, homo no more guy here in the sky.

Okay.

The rectum ripper.

You should not have a license.

Hello, Aldi.

Hello.

Is this Aldi's?

Aldi's?

Yeah.

Well, I'm looking for Aldi's.

What?

Um, the store?

Yes.

This is Didi's.

Yeah, Aldi's.

No, this is Didi's.

Do you have the same kind of stuff?

Is Aldi's a grocery store?

Yeah.

We sell clothes.

You sell clothes?

Yeah.

Well, you can't eat those?

No.

oh do you have panties yeah you ever do panty stuffing you know what that is no do you know

what that is was that what you're answering no to that you don't know what that is that's when

you make the panties disappear you know what i mean well no i was asking if you do panty stuffing

there no okay why are you like that why are you so upset why are you putting on like attitude with

me what yeah hurry up okay let's go let's go so dwight what number this is then that you said

It's that crazy guy that doesn't like homosexuals.

We had that whole call where he said homosexuals shouldn't have a driver's license

because they don't know the entrance from the exit.

That's a good one.

Got him.

Oops.

I guess the manager heard that.

Homosexual manager.

Oh, boy.

Actually, that manager didn't hang up.

It was just a clanging of the phone while they were moving it around.

Shit.

What was this guy's original premise?

Was he selling something?

Well, no.

He was on Vice, and he was doing an interview.

He thinks he's some type of professor or something.

And, yeah, he just doesn't like gays.

He thinks it's a sin.

We're going to hell.

Hello?

Sir?

Well, he's not saying nothing.

All right.

State Farm Insurance.

Parkman has a funny idea.

Parkman has an interesting idea here about this.

Let's see if they pick up, and I can do it.

you for choosing enterprise

rent-a-car servicing the los angeles international air enterprise roadside assistance hello hey

Are you in a safe location?

Well, I'm driving right now.

Is it safe? How can I help you?

I don't think it's very safe because I don't have my hands really on the wheel

because I'm trying to write the information down.

Do you need us to call 911 or do you want to call 911 and then call us back?

Why would I need to call 911?

Well, I'm trying to ascertain if you're safe or not, sir, and we haven't been able to...

Well, I don't think it's it's not very safe to drive, you know when you're not paying attention and stuff, you know

Okay, so should you call us back when you're in a state-blocking concert? Yes, I could do that. Well, hang on

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, he's not gonna say anything. I don't know if you believed it or not

Really is just to be mercy roadside

Hey Jack TV you old horse, how you doing people been asking where's Jake TV

stroking it you know yeah good i feel bad i never messaged dwight back on here but i don't get off

skype no more oh you're too good for skype okay

he turned his nose up at skype

how's it been boys how you guys been oh you know man living the dream

Horse and a cow

He's stainless

Yeah, I thought I was taking you guys there

Yeah, that too

I guess you are

We're trying to convince Dirty Aaron to come

No, Dirty Aaron's coming with us

What's the date?

How's that old pro been? How you been, Dirty?

Good evening, thank you for calling the Holiday Inn Express LAX

I'm helping another guest, please help

by suggesting local yeah hello

i don't know if we ever talked dirty aaron but i'm a big fan i love you i'm a weird stalker what

oh that's okay i love me too so i gotta find a place that says lingerie for

tuna panties we are only five minutes from lax airport clear hey carlito you thought about calling

hotels and uh tell them their wi-fi is not working that great and then when they ask you what room

Oh I'm not staying here

I'm just doing it

I gotta download some stuff

What up Sheriff Hoyt

Thank you for waiting

How can I help you?

Yeah listen I'm a little upset

I'm trying to find your place

I just left LAX in my rental car

And I can't find you anywhere

I'm having a very difficult time hearing

But I'm making out

That you are having a hard time

Finding us

Yeah, that's right. I'm in the car, in my rental car. I just, I'm just left, uh, going around LAX right now.

Okay, where are you at now? Is that, give me the date that you're in?

I'm passing the International Terminal.

Are you at the International Terminal?

Yes.

Okay. The LAX area is a U-shaped terminal, a U-shaped airport?

Yeah, I know. I'm driving around it right now. Hello?

Okay, and then try to get in on Central Boulevard.

All right, hang on.

Exit to Century Boulevard.

Hang on, let me try.

I got a, I got a, oh, it's coming up right here.

Hang on.

Is it, oh, man.

Is it illegal to make left turns on red here?

Are you at Century Boulevard?

I, it was red, and I turned left.

You told me to get on Century Boulevard, and I did it, and now I got into a car accident.

No, I forget it.

No, no, no, now I got in a car accident.

I'm going to hold you responsible now.

Okay, where are you right now?

I'm on the side of the road, and my car, I flipped five times.

Oh, my goodness, I heard that.

oh my goodness are you okay well no this is a rental car and i declined coverage i need your

your insurance information my insurance information yeah because you're responsible

for the car accident i'm gonna put a claim on your i'm responsible for the car accident you

said turn here so you're the one driving your vehicle i'm not driving the car i call for

instructions you said turn here uh you said century boulevard you said now now now now now

you said i did i didn't say no no no sir yes you did that wasn't me no i didn't listen you might

have killed someone in the other in the other car so if you need the cars on the other cars on fire

oh my goodness yeah you are okay i'm okay i don't know about this guy it's a family of five people

inside this car oh my goodness yeah you you messed up big time buddy no i did not you you're in big

trouble mister better have car insurance or you're gonna be in big trouble yeah

I'm talking to you yes you are you said turn now now now now now you said no no

no no no wait wait wait like that you said Central Boulevard help me why you

say that when you don't know who what cars are here you're not even here with

me very irresponsible try to come to the hotel and speak to the man i can't leave you want me

to leave the scene of an accident okay when you are ready okay i want your there i'm gonna need

your your car insurance sorry he's gone no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

i just joined this shit but i love that premise yeah we've been doing it for a few weeks the car

accident thing started on dwight's show yeah they were acting real good then now people don't give

a fuck next we should impersonate police officers yeah that's my favorite yeah felonies like brad

carter and shit maybe we should call norad for the first time thanks for calling victoria secret

This is Valerie. May I help you?

Hey, Sexy.

Hi. Who is this?

Hi. My name is Meat.

Uh-huh.

Do you have the tuna panties?

Tuna panties we don't have here because we are international.

We are inside the airport.

Yeah, I know. It's a pair of panties that has a picture of tuna on it.

Oh, no. We don't have that.

It's a can of tuna, and it says, I smell tuna.

Oh, I don't know. That's one. We're inside the international.

you're inside the international okay so people come in they're looking for

underwear in the airport you don't have underwear it's too small oh okay all

right well that you're pretty stupid you know you're a stupid you're a stupid

Stupid. Okay. She ready. What is she buying? What is she buying? Is she buying sexy underwear?

Sorry, sir. This is so busy, and I'm so busy right now, and the customer want to ask me questions, sir.

Oh.

Hello. Hello.

Hello.

Hi.

This is, this is, this is, hello.

Yes.

This is international, but don't, cannot hear nothing. It's a testing. Hello.

Hello, stupid.

Test, test, test.

Yeah, can I have pho?

Can I order pho?

Don't hear what you say.

Can I order pho?

It's so hard to hear you.

I want to order pho.

Hello.

I want to make an order for pho.

Hello.

I want to make an order.

How can I hear you?

I want to make an order for pho.

You're a liar.

She's being stupid.

What?

You're a stupid liar.

You're a fucking liar.

Hello, I hear you.

It's so loud right here.

Can you talk louder?

It's not loud, you fucking you.

Hello?

Shut up.

Hello, I can't hear you.

Okay, all right, honey.

That's crazy.

things yeah you're the only victoria's secret open right now everything else is closed

i'm gonna order noodles can i have noodles i'm gonna order noodles stupid jesus jesus

moaning like that inside of a victoria's secret is advisable oh she crazy oh that's fucking funny

Yeah.

That's still as funny.

Hello.

She'd be at mid-sentence.

She'd be like, oh, you want to buy?

Hello.

Can you call her back for me?

Yeah.

I have an idea.

See if she'll answer.

All right.

Well, I was lucky that I stumbled on that one.

I was like, I wonder why this Victoria's Secret says it's open until 1230 because it's in the airport.

Oh, no.

My bang drink fell down.

You try that bang yet?

Dwight, we talked about it last week.

You know, motherfucker.

I don't drink energy drinks.

Oh, okay.

I'm so healthy.

the only caffeine i drink now is from my uh green matcha tea bang is healthy it's at gnc what thank

you for calling victoria secrets this is kathy yeah i don't have time for your intro hey how

you doing my name is jimmy crickets i'm with the tuna bandits me and my boy here dwight we're

looking for those tuna i know you got those tuna over there at the victoria secret airport how you

doing honey baby oh jesus yeah good how are you doing tonight is it busy over there all right

i can't um you got those tuna because we're knocking on every fucking door we can find

so we're i'll hold on a second yeah we're collecting all the tuna and i know you have

some tuna panties we're gonna get that tuna one way or another bitch what do you have to say

she can hear that time yeah she's got the tuna all right in her pussy i want to order i want

gonna order four from her let's see if she'll do it well don't go breaking my heart don't go

breaking my fart breaking my fart sponsored by bang energy drinks bankless.com i'll have to call

back the the the home depot african americans that were real upset in the way i was talking

because youtube missed that i forgot to broadcast i'm so sorry i'm so sorry oh get fucked youtube

YouTube just, it changed my RTMP string, and I didn't even realize I wasn't streaming.

I had to copy a new one during the break and paste it in the OBS.

I don't know why it just changed the fucking RTMP string on me.

Motherfucker.

Fucking YouTube.

She might be done with all that ordering food nonsense.

Yeah, she won't pick up now.

She's very busy.

I can't hit you.

I can't hit you, I'm so busy right now.

I'm trying on all the panties to make sure I don't get red.

30 minutes left to show get it while you get it hey man what's going on hey caller how are you

doing good how are you i'm good it's good to talk to you hey i have a stupid question i have a stupid

question to ask um is the pla meet that you guys are talking about is that a joke or should i be

really booking tickets uh i'll think upcoming in september no it's the real deal we did it last

Last year. We did it last year.

This is a real thing, yeah, and there was another one

in San Diego earlier this year,

and this is the second one in Chicago,

and there'll be another one

in 2020. Yeah, it's still

legitimate, right, Dwight? I'm sure of the guy.

Yeah, it's September

7th is the date of

the meetup in Chicago. Yeah.

Cool. There we go.

Thank you for calling Victoria's Secret.

Please wait while I transfer your call.

They were planning

to do another one out in San Jose April of

2020. Ah, it's the San Diego

again. I always say that.

I already booked my flight

for 2020.

Victoria's Secret Calacalla.

How may I help you? This is Victoria's Secret

Caca? What is it? Yeah.

Okay, I'm looking to see if

you had the panties,

the tuna panties. Tuna?

Yeah. They have a picture

of a can of tuna on them on the front

you know, in the triangle area.

And they say, I smell

tuna across the top.

Oh, no.

That's a good sound clip right there.

Tuna?

You were really fucking taking it back there.

I feel like that would be a real thing, though.

Yeah.

It'd be funny, you know?

The hipster girls would love to wear that.

Just wait until the one girl goes too far and gets that tattoo down on her pubic region.

Oh, yeah.

I smell tuna.

Well, like the girl in Chicago meet-up last time that didn't like me recording her.

Oh, that?

Yeah, the cage fighter.

She was like five foot tall.

Asian girl that she's telling what the fuck was that about sick?

I know you guys think you're famous or whatever sick. I'm a cage fighter just to let you know like all right

She was drinking some crazy shit

She's drinking a great the grapefruit beer

You shouldn't drink that if you're on a statin

I was like if you're on a stat and you shouldn't be drinking that it's like are you trying to call

me fat thank you for calling for a cigarette can I help you hi honey how are you honey my name is

meat okay um hi honey did you were you looking for someone I'm looking for something okay what

are you looking for something that feels really good uh I'm looking for the tuna panties

excuse me we're part of the tuna bandits we can't help it we just want tuna we'll call her hun

yeah we had we had fun in chicago last year it was pretty good oh it's gonna be even better this

year man except for geod when he goes to parks in a bank parking lot instead of public parking

and he won't listen to me when i find him a perfect parking spot like no dude no no dude

like it says parking right there there's an arrow says p and an arrow from there

Sarah Ford! No, dude, no, no, it's a bus stop.

He rolls his window down.

That's right, he didn't park on the streets of Chicago with his window all the way down.

Didn't he have his laptop in there?

I think he tried to hide it under the seats.

This is Trinity.

Hey, honey, how are you?

Hi.

Hi, honey. Hi, honey.

This is Victoria's Secret.

Hey, baby. Do you have the tuna?

She scoffed at me.

Instead of, like, Arby's, we got the meats.

It's Victoria's Secret.

We got the tuna!

we've got the tuna it's like a fisherman we got the tuna yeah that i totally forgot all about that

about parking with his window all the way down the street

saturday 9 30 a.m to 9 p.m and on sunday from 10 a.m to 5 p.m

victoria cigarette this brody how can i help you hey honey

Brody

Bro

You better take off that bro off his name

Working at Victoria's Secret

He blushed when you said that

He's in the dressing room

He's got his shit tucked trying on panties

He's playing for the team

You better change his name to D or something

I went to the store today

And I was talking to a man that had breasts

But I think it was really strange

Oh I have breasts

Like me and Dwight

Our start hours are Monday through Saturday

9.30am to 9pm

and on Sunday from 10am

to 5pm

Please hold for the next available associate

Thank you

Victoria's Secret, how may I help you?

Is Brody there?

He is

I want to titty fuck him

We're calling Hawaii

Victoria's Secrets

We have lots of breasts that need holders

We're calling Hawaii where everyone looks the same. Oh my god. I love

The honest be honest this crispy saying she's the crisp is none of she but saying that they're gonna go check out Honolulu

Charlie for us

Hey Brody, I'm taking away your bro card. You got to go by D from now on you because you work at Victoria's Secret

What's up with that? You you lost your how can I help? How can I help you today? Can I titty fuck you?

all right let's see here we're willing to pay top dollar my boy are you checking 408-735-7182

hey whoa whoa whoa whoa hey how'd you get that you forgot to hit hold on my boy all right hold

on real quick how'd you get that let me make sure i get this down here real quick whoa buddy come

Come on.

Don't do that.

Don't be crazy.

All right?

Oh, no.

Mom, if somebody calls, don't...

7-3-5-7-1.

Come on.

You can't wake up my parents, man.

All right?

You can't wake up my parents.

All right, guys.

Thanks for calling.

You guys have a wonderful day.

Hey, don't you fucking wake up my parents.

I'm going to tell them you're trying to molest me.

All right.

Oh, God.

Hello, caller.

You're on the air.

You caught the end of that prank call.

How are you doing?

Hey, it's D-Falcon.

Oh, hey, man.

It's been a while.

D-Falcon.

It has.

how you been yeah how you doing charlie well good good charlie yeah how you doing there

all right um pretty well all right i already asked you i'm sorry i'm fishing for something

yeah thank you for calling victoria's secret please wait while i transfer your call can i

take this car later yes sir secret paul ridge hi yes i'm trying to call and see if you have

an item in stock for my wife what were you looking for i was looking for the labia holders

holders sorry one more time labia holders oh what labia i can't i can't hear you

no okay when do you expect to have some in oh we don't what do you mean you don't sell

no not we don't sell that okay what about crotchless panties we don't have any crotchless

panties either what about like crotchless asshole holes we don't have that um you're

gonna have to go to an adult store for that we don't have any of that oh so you just sell the

the kids you sell the teens oh we sell lingerie we don't sell any adult toys or anything okay so

if i brought my 14 year old daughter in you could show her something slutty to wear just so you know

this phone call is being recorded and i have your phone number right here yeah i would have gave you

my phone number i mean you don't have to threaten me you want to go do something after work

is she a ball hawk oh man they don't have labia holders in there ain't that what they're all

all about holding back the labia labia deep curtains let's head over to hawaii to alaska

rather tap that in hawaiian ones all right boys i don't want to call it short but i'm gonna go

masturbate and then go to bed all right short see you later give me your money for the airbnb

motherfucker all right next time you gotta get a hold of me text me i don't use skype because

i'm a fucking new fan okay i'm gonna text you i'm gonna text you every day like a fucking

like a fucking bell like a crazy girlfriend we ask you to let us know that you're not a

voicemail system so you need to press one to take this call i love you i love you

i love you

the fuck are you ever gonna put up your uh more episodes of your podcast and shit man i like i'm

I'm, like, listening to shit that's, like, fucking December of last year, man.

I put stuff up for March and February already, and I'm working on a new episode as of earlier

tonight, so you need to check your feed, buddy.

I guess I do, man.

Fuck Google, I guess.

Yeah, there's been a few more since the December episode here.

Let's see.

Yeah, yeah.

Here's one for the episode that's going to be uploaded this weekend.

This one's called Pizza My Fart.

all right you mean great yeah i won't be able to hear it sorry i won't be able to hear it

no no not unless oh right yeah because the way i have a set up is google podcast

uh shit well fuck me right i get like i guess i'll just go like fuck kill myself

the dirty aaron's asking if you use google podcast i don't know what he's getting at

do you yeah no i use google podcast like but i also use like spotify too and everything like

am i i mean am i on spotify is the show on spotify really yeah you're on spotify um you're

on spotify as well uh i'm getting those downloads carlito i guess so yeah i had no idea i had no

idea it was on the feed was on spotify i'm trying to get listed on the fucking drip trying to get

to listen on itunes radio also not itunes when i hit mine up like i was finding the podcast and

like a whole shit ton of places that i didn't put it i'm like wait a minute yeah a lot of those

podcatchers they go off of itunes when they whatever they see on itunes itunes going away

it's going away itunes podcast yeah they got rid of it uh they just announced it really oh shit

Yeah, they're just, like, Apple said, like, fuck this shit.

We got to fucking call Cupertino and tell them to mandate this.

Really?

They fucking revolutionized the music industry.

They completely upended it, and now they're going to retire it?

That's crazy.

Well, did you also hear about the new, like, Pro iMac or whatever?

Like, they're selling it for, like, thousands of dollars,

and all it is is a 250-gig solid state.

Oh, really?

Oh, shit.

Yeah, that's greater.

Yeah.

Yeah, they already had an iMac that looked like a cheese grater.

This is the second one.

That's not new.

That's not a new concept.

There was one out years ago that looked like a cheese grater.

They called it the Cheese Grater iMac.

Yeah.

Hey, I had two last suggestions before I go fuck off.

Anyways, yeah, hey, I was, like, wondering if you could do, like, calls, like, number one.

I was even suggesting this to Brad, but I don't think he'll ever fucking do it.

but like kids show like uh like picking up chicks and see like see if they'll actually like

go with it i think dwight you did something similar like with like some chick on one of

your shows and like it's just i think it's really funny and if you can like successfully like get a

girl like to be too interested i think it would just be like kind of entertaining i don't know

and then the other thing is like do you want to hear phone sex you want to hear phone sex

No, I don't want to hear phone sex, but it was like, you know, like, how you go, like, what's up, honey, and everything like that, but it's like, you know, you just, like, transfer it to where, like, they want to fucking, like, get to know you, actually.

You know, and then you start, oh, no, fuck you, I'm gay, and then we hang up or something, you know.

Yeah, I'm married.

I don't know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and then the other thing is the Victoria's Secret thing.

You should call in as, like, an outraged parent and just say, like,

what the fuck are you doing with my kid?

This tuna, like, this panties and shit.

Like, how come you told her this was for her?

You know, just do that angle instead.

I'll do that.

Thank you for calling Victoria's Secret.

My two cents, anyway.

An associate will answer your call momentarily.

Are you taking this, or do you want me?

You can.

This is in Alaska.

Oh, fuck.

Victoria's Secret Anchorage, how can I help you?

Hi, can you hear me?

Yeah, hi.

Hi, hi, hi. Sorry if my phone reception isn't that great.

I'm kind of, like, fucking driving right now.

Anyways, I just wanted to say, can I speak to you?

Fuck, sorry. Can I speak to your manager or something?

Because I can't believe you guys fucking did this to me.

Okay.

Can I please speak to your manager?

I'm sorry, I'm really kind of upset.

I really thought I could take my daughter to your business

and not, like, be subjected to this form of harassment.

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey, quit it!

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Sorry, ma'am.

Put me on hold or what?

I gotta go, motherfucker. Love you.

Bye, Dwight. Dirty Aaron, motherfucker, you.

Alright, you, motherfucker, you.

You gonna hang up?

No, no, no, no. Dirty Aaron is leaving. You're good.

Aww.

I'd be coming on too hard with, like, saying fuck.

Damn. I don't hear any, like, old music on my side or anything.

It's very low.

Hi, are you the manager?

Hi, I'm sorry about this. My name's John.

I was at your store a little bit earlier today.

I took my daughter to go shopping.

this is like her first time at sorry i'm in the car right now and there's there's just some guys

walking on me anyway i just like took my daughter for her first time you know getting clothes and

everything i'm i'm not used to this sort of stuff you know i usually just shop at walmart and

everything and the letter kind of like everything because you know it's a fragile kind of time and

everything and so she selected some things uh she said that she talked to one of y'all or one of

y'all's like to help her pick it out and then when we came back it just like showed me like

like what she got and for some reason she was like i had these uh i guess pair of underwear

that had like a tuna can on there but it was like tuna you guys sell this you know

was she in pink i i guess i don't know like she's she's about like 14 and i just uh i just said hey

like okay just choose whatever uh you know like choose whatever you want you know i i i'm not like

i'm not a creep you know or anything like that i'm not i i just uh i don't want to you know

get into there and everything you know i'm a christian man but like i i just like you know

she said that the associate chose it for her and just kind of like you know and just like oh yeah

this will be perfect for you and and i don't know how to explain this to my daughter she doesn't

quite understand why i don't even like it so i mean like i i you know this has to be i'm sorry

what time were you in i mean i need to obviously join those out right right no no no i understand

Yeah, yeah, I was around, like, I think around, like, 2 o'clock or something along the lines,

I, I'm, I'm very upset, I can't believe, you know, like, that this would happen, like,

I don't know how to explain this to my daughter, like, what, what do I tell her, like, you

know, what do I, what do I tell her, that, like, that, like, you know, an associate thinks

that, like, she has a smelly vagina or something, like, what the fuck, I, I, I'm sorry, like,

Like, I don't mean to curse, but I'm just, I don't know what to do.

Like, I thought I could bring her to the store.

I have never seen that panty, so I would have to go out and try to find it.

Sorry, ma'am.

I've got to talk to my brother.

Hey, did you get that lingerie for that 14-year-old prostitute yet?

Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.

Like, shut up, shut up.

Sorry.

Yeah, that's my brother.

He's a great person.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We need to settle this.

We're like, no, no, no.

We need to settle this.

Listen, listen, motherfucker, we gotta fuckin' settle this right now, okay?

Like, my daughter has a big fuckin' vagina.

Okay.

Yep.

Yeah, she did.

Sorry, I had to throw a little bit of ice in there.

Alright, yeah, no, no, no, thank you.

It really was like, ah, fuck this.

Uh, but yeah, anyways, uh, that's my, that's my thing at Prank Calls.

Alright, call, you did good.

Don't worry about it.

It was, it was entertaining, and the people, you're feeding the people, it's alright.

Yeah, thanks.

Alright, bro.

Uh, shout out, shout out to y'all, and, uh, and who are these podcasters?

A fucking piece of shit show.

Anyways, deep in the heart of Texas.

Away!

About to wrap things up.

Let me see if we got voicemails.

I believe Mr. Puller left the obituary, probably.

Let me see.

You would see.

Voicemail time.

Hey, Carlito.

First time caller, long time listener.

Man.

I just wanted to say thank you for all that you do, and keep up the great work, and, you

know, don't, don't worry about all that milkman stuff.

Alright.

Alright, I won't.

Fuck him.

Yeah, this one's a special edition obituary.

Peace to all those motherfuckers in high school.

Yeah, fuck them.

Dwayne, fucking Corey, fucking all those motherfuckers.

Rest in peace, goddammit.

Is this a fucking kill list?

Like, is he predicting someone's about to die?

Fucking Trench Cup Mafia, motherfucker.

What's wrong with you, Mr. Puller?

Jesus, take it easy, buddy.

Goddamn, you know what I'm saying?

I fuck you, Carlito.

I fuck you.

Oh, good.

The dead?

Asian to dead.

I fuck you.

What's up, faggot?

hey call me back no not when you say it like that uh is it time yet i think it's time to end the

show yeah i think i'm gonna end the show i'm pretty much out of numbers i think we've called

a lot today hey carlito if you're interested man we're gonna watch some jeepers creepers here in

a jeepers creepers 2 that's scary i know i saw the first one on the second one so that's a good

opportunity let me wrap things up so i can do that all right all right all right god damn it

get out of here damn it see you later dwight you'll be on tomorrow 10 p.m eastern yay good

for you bitch all right that's been madhouse radio for june the what seventh was it yes

thanks everyone for tuning in madhouse live.com patreon.com slash madhouse thank you to all my

friends who joined dirty aaron joined tonight dwight mcclanahan and jag tv thank you all

and be sure to check out discord.gg slash pranks the discord hijinks the hijinks discord rather

links to that over at madhouse live.com subscribe to my podcast and whatnot on spotify good to know

you get my shit on the spotify wow fancy all right everyone y'all have a great weekend i'll

talk to you all tomorrow on dwight's show more than likely and then i don't know i don't know

know what else i don't know what after that i'm gonna watch jeepers creepers tonight

we're getting them beavers all right see y'all in hell i gotta play the outro a little bit

right this one real quick thanks to fox tashikata who donated five dollars and said you had big

pussy lips okay you got it trump tard also the super chat panty stuffing for d-day redrick

009 best prank call show around says he hope or she hope you and dwight are well i believe

dwight's well i am well thank you thanks guys he says the monster with the super chat thank you

trump tard since the different super chat asked for banjo calls i had too late for that sorry

big baby brian said youtube won't let me swear in super chat really you can't swear in super

In Super Chat?

Fucking YouTube, fucking liberals.

Trump Tard, that was last week.

Seem and Slurpy, you have.

Okay.

All right, bye, everybody.

Calls (21, 1 h 19 min of 1 h 40 min)

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