Venomous Snake

Setting the record for most consecutive hours without a listener.

Well, ain't that a kick in the ass.

98.6

M.O.

All rocket booster cameras have been activated.

1 minute 30 seconds.

Persistent armor.

Centered in the flight path.

The SRP commands.

Heaters being turned off.

Good oxygen, good hydrogen filled and drain valves are being closed.

We got mine done for a long time.

Start.

Hand off to Atlantis has a lot sequencer.

Firing chains.

I want to suck them pussy and I don't want no bullshit.

When I come there, I come there with tongue.

And I don't play.

I suck and die, but I very seldom play.

Let me see the tongue.

Just a little bit of it.

Just a sample.

Marrow like.

What's the marrow?

The marrow is when you get close to the bone and just put it out and make them tremble like a dog shitting salmon seed.

Make you weak in the knees.

What about the booty?

Oh, yeah.

I tongue that ass, too.

Tongue the hell out of that ass.

That would skip them off when you shoot that tongue in that ass.

Oh!

Uh-uh.

Oh, my God.

No, this ain't God.

This is Stanley Earl.

Yeah.

Ride, ride, ride, ride.

Mama love me.

Pop left me.

Mickey fed me.

Annie dressed me.

Eric fought me.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the event of the evening.

Attendants and fans watching around the clock.

Excuse me.

God, fuck me.

Hi, you looking for an air conditioner and a refrigerator?

I found a refrigerator and one air conditioner, but I'm still trying to find one air conditioner.

Okay.

Oh, you need an air conditioner?

You haul?

You come pick it up?

You got a truck machine?

Where are you located at?

I'm in Rogersville over in Horse Machine Ranch Road.

What the hell is that?

She turned out to straight old 808.

Oh, she must know about Horse Machine Ranch.

The word is out in Rogersville.

Don't talk to the guy from Horse Machine Ranch, the Puerto Rican.

Experts says she powered down.

What the hell was that?

Battery low.

I'm sorry, the person you are trying to reach has a voicemail box that has not been set up yet.

Please try your call again later. Goodbye.

guy set up your voicemail i'll store dwight's ass on you and he'll set it up for you that's

old school dwight mcclanahan that's what he used to do he was stupid he used to love it when he

get those he changed the id and get in and snake it hi ma'am thank you for picking up please you

sound like the last person i talked to there's a lot of inbreeding in this town maybe uh do you

have free organic zucchini and squash uh are you going away who'd you give it to i need it i'm

hungry i got children to feed i was gonna mash it up in my blender make baby food damn it maybe

because i said inbreeding but she did sound different number but the sound of the summer

hello white people sound the same all the honkies sound the same all the honkies hello hello hi

hello ma'am can you please come out here mistake you forgetting what i'm calling about when i make

Who's calls?

Bo-bo-bo.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bo-bo.

God damn it.

Ooh, what's a Polaris Scrambler?

Yummy.

Polaris is that one asshole that used to listen to our shows a lot.

He used to always fuck around.

He was a very negative person.

Hello.

You have a Polaris Scrambler?

Yes.

How many eggs can you scramble with that?

Never tried it.

Well, it's a scrambler, right?

You use it for scrambled eggs?

I guess.

You guess?

I'm not much of a foot.

You're not much of a foot?

cook cook all right what how do you like your eggs i don't know you don't know i like to put

them up my ass without breaking them and then i poop them out and i say i'm miss chicken i go

yeah i'm miss chicken i'm mrs chicken shit out the egg my audio is hot on mixler okay

a little too loud i understand that then motherfucker that should fix it should be

better now i hope i hope it's not too bad if we're calling hey stupid turn your shit off

if you're going to call in idiot yeah let me turn my headphones off let me unplug my headphones and

play my speakers really loud while i call into the show that's how you get hung up on dumbass

if you're going to call in the show be smart put in headphones or better yet you don't need to

listen to yourself on the phone you on the on the computer speakers or whatever you're listening to

the show with turn that off turn it down listen on the phone to the show you're not going to miss

anything it's a conversation with me you and all that and what are you stupid

stupid hey Carlos how you doing man okay hey good yeah I just want to let you

know just FYI there's like a 10 second delay on the YouTube machines for like

there's like like a feedback going on right now so I know what you need to do

on your end but there those out of that exists right now damn it daddy and I

just fixed it thank you for letting me know you're a good guy and the problem

you're going to start before before I let go before I go here um if you could

let everyone know like broadcast when it's next meet up like for all the

locations and like what's the day what's the plan that you know later uh let me look at my calendar

i believe it's the first weekend of september it is the first weekend of september in chicago

illinois it's saturday the 7th uh i believe there's a facebook something out there already

it's on the 7th of september uh when do i i'm sure dwight will join soon he'll have more details but

But, yeah, 7th of September, there's a new venue also.

I see.

And that's in Chicago, you say?

Or where is that?

Yep, Chicago, yes.

Chicago, excellent.

Okay.

Anything else planned in the future, or is that it for now?

Right now, what do we got?

There is another West Coast United States meetup for next year in 2020.

Yeah.

There's another one out there, not San Diego, wherever, San Jose.

San Jose, California next year.

I believe it's in March.

March-ish.

Sounds about right.

March 20th of April.

I'll let you get back to doing what you do best.

And thank you for having me.

Thank you very much.

Hey, thanks for being on.

Hey, you take care, man.

Thank you.

Be careful out there.

You too.

All right.

Thank you, Carlos.

I wore an awesome shirt, by the way.

Thank you.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

I appreciate it.

Have a good one, man.

Thanks.

Bye.

American Jin Stewart calling in.

Sound like him.

YouTube fixed.

Excellent.

let's see if i think our odd jobs guy posted this week i think i saw that earlier in the week

if you remember from a few years ago a very long drawn out call with this guy who i may go to

walmart and he kept going around the parking lot looking to kick my ass because i made him drive

to the walmart's you're found you're sending in an idea oh my god hello caller i got all right

i'm gonna kiss you until i give you this towels and water yeah i want some water and towels

How's, motherfucker, you?

Yeah, motherfucker.

How you doing there, boss?

Oh, I made a whole bunch of people mad and confused and banged shopping carts together.

It was great.

You made them bring shopping carts together?

What?

Bang them.

Bang them together.

Okay.

I was listening to your show Tuesday.

I thought I was listening to that.

Oh, thanks, man.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Tuesday.

Hello, big boy.

Yeah.

Come say hello.

I should.

You should.

I'm an asshole.

Oh, you're welcome.

Yeah.

Asshole.

Yeah.

yeah fucking asshole me fucking fucking i've been drinking a little bit i'm sorry just a little bit

oh my god your name is wasting memory you know it's it's cool and you do kind of get that look

like you're always kind of on something drunk i'm not trying to be mean i'm just saying i do what i

can you look like you you look my my cousin who had a drug problem he he's off of the stuff now

but he always looks kind of like he's seeing some shit you know what i mean like oh man like his

I'm still seeing it, man.

I'm still seeing it.

Oh, no, poor guy.

It's all right.

You're a little fried.

The guys from Graveyard Goons came on with me, and they're pretty fun.

Yes.

Hello?

Hi, you looking to do some odd jobs?

Sure, what kind of odd jobs?

We have some work that needs to be done around the home here, handyman work.

Is this you for a woman or a man?

Sure, you can talk to my boyfriend.

friend that you said uh handy work jobs like uh like um what are you looking for here talk to him

all right i'm a woman but yeah okay hey brother what's up man you do handyman work yeah it just

depends on what it is because i know how to do a lot of stuff but there's some things i don't know

how to you just pull it up on the youtube computers and you do it you know right yeah

what do you need done man well man i got a light switch that like whenever i flick it the light

doesn't go on and i change the light bulb out and it still doesn't but i have to like jiggle it a

lot for it to work so i don't know if you do electrical work oh yeah i could fix that yeah

i'll mess around with some electrical yeah i could fix that all right yeah that sounds like a

temple issue i got a toilet that clogs up a lot i don't know if it's because i take big shits or

it's got like a small pipes in it you know i'm gonna i'm gonna get a uh a kohler toilet put in

there right you know those are good toilet machines kohler yeah hey hey brother have you

you ever been to a walmart looking for a guy have you ever been in a walmart looking for a guy

who had you come out to do odd jobs and you were really angry at him uh no i don't think you don't

think oh okay all right because i met someone in a swat shop once and i i had him come out meet me

at the walmart in the parking lot so i could take him back to my place and he wasn't too happy

happy because i wanted him to take his show me his pecker prank man no no i really have some

odd jobs to do do you do any painting yeah okay i got another odd job i have is i got like pimples

on my back that i can't reach like i got one there right now that's it's got to be ready to

bust you know okay you know you could take care of that for me but you got to wear gloves you know

oh yeah hopefully all right and then i'll have you come over here i'll take some pictures of you

That's a different odd jobs guy

Ask him if he's going to paint your pecker for you

What are you doing?

I got some pimples

You did some Arby's calls that I heard

There was some other stuff you did too

It was pretty funny

Anybody listening

You should definitely call fast food places

And you're from the corporate office

And you need to calibrate the phone system

them yes oh i kept telling you to have a microwave a phone i can't no i can't say that because they

would do it for me oh come on they would literally do it for me no because i'm gonna fucking blow up

a goddamn phone and damn the toaster over and whatever oh come on i can't oh my god no they

would do it because i had i had the one i had the one fucking humming twinkle star for me in their

hands and then after that i need to do the drop test just hold the phone a foot off the table

yeah they were dropping it was like clang clang clang clang god it was loud some loud ass dropping

going on there i am i'm trying to call it do you have cc's pizza out there where you live

motherfucker you oh i know what it is yeah oh you can eat we don't have any more but i know what it

is oh you can eat ketchup bread pizza when i play football in high school we will go there after

After the games.

If we won a game, we got to go over there and eat.

I told you, we eat some pizza, man.

We were big boys.

Pizza.

After football.

That was life.

Thank you for calling CCS on time.

This is Teresa.

Can I help you, please?

Hello, Teresa.

Okay, this is where I get the pizza.

I'm sorry?

This is where I get the pizza, right?

Yeah, but we are closed for the evening.

Whoa, what do you mean?

This is all you can eat, though.

Wait, wait, whoa, whoa.

This is all you can eat, though.

Yeah, it's all you can eat.

Hey, we got a whole busload of these angry, hungry little tugs here.

We promised them CCS.

I'm sorry.

We were there an hour ago.

We didn't eat everything.

We didn't eat all we can eat yet.

Well, there's no food left.

I'm sorry.

We're back for round two.

God damn it.

What are we doing here?

Hey, when I was there, I saw you had a big trash can full of pizza slices.

Excuse me?

You had a big trash can full of pizza slices.

I saw it.

We don't have a big trash can full of pizza slices.

Yeah, you do.

You take them off the line after a while, and you put them in this big trash can.

We want to get the pizza.

Yeah, but we don't eat the pizza.

I just got them all excited, ma'am.

They're all excited, ma'am.

Yeah, they're autistic, and they're stupid.

They don't know it comes from a trash can.

It's fine.

Just put a porch light on.

We'll be in the back.

We can't do that.

Oh, ma'am, we're going to be in the back.

Ma'am, hello, ma'am, hello, hello.

Just leave the back unlocked so we can come in.

No, I can't do that either.

Y'all have a good evening.

Ma'am, leave the back of the dumpster open, because they won't know.

No, we can't do that either.

You have a good evening.

Motherfucker, you.

No, listen here, you.

Bye-bye.

Typical sassy black girl attitude.

Fucking lazy.

That sucks.

Yeah, all right.

So I went there for lunch once in college, and I went there with a co-worker, and he

thought he was slick, because when you go to CC's, if you want to just get water, they

They give you a clear white cup, white glass, you know, and then you get-

Why is your water brown?

Well, yeah, he was, like, getting Sprite.

He's like, I'm going to get Sprite.

He got caught, and the guy, the manager got mad at him and kicked him out.

And then, like, I went outside.

I was like, all right, I guess we'll go.

I mean, I'm his ride.

And he was like, yeah, he's fucking kicked me out, man, because I got some Sprite.

I was like, yeah, you're not supposed to, dude.

Like, you didn't pay for it.

You asked for water, and then you still got soda.

That's your fault.

Yeah, I would have stole a bunch of pizza from.

From the closet.

A bunch of water.

I'm going to go in their closet and get a bunch of pizza and water.

Then the manager came out and was like, hey, I'm really sorry.

I got like that.

And he gave him a bunch of pizza in a box.

Yeah, he's fine.

Yeah, but then I was like, man, I'm pretty sure that was the pizza that they put in this.

They had like a big rubber roughneck, rubber made trash can that they kept throwing pizza

uh into you get the shit pizza yeah he i'm pretty sure it was the pizza was the guy was about to

throw out and he just gave it to him and my friends are going to get pizza they got free

pizza we won't give to our dogs you can have this shit here you fucker you this is the shit we

threw out i was like all right enjoy that free garbage pizza man cheap fucking bastard free

Free pizza tastes good, but stolen pizza tastes better.

Nothing tastes better than free.

Like, that water you were stealing from me tasted so good.

Stolen water tastes better than free water.

It's true.

Amen to that.

And it's balmed, even.

All right, hey.

Wingstop, you can be the corporate office and have them do a test.

Show us how it's done.

Fucking motherfucker, you.

Oh, they closed.

They don't pick up.

Popeyes?

As the Puerto Ricans say, Popeyes.

To be really honest with you, I really got to pee right now.

Go ahead.

Pee on the call.

I'm on a corded phone because the computer machine wasn't working.

I got to go.

All right.

Bye.

I'll call back later.

Bye.

Fine.

Leave me hanging.

I wanted to hear him pee.

Call public health, please.

Hello.

I'm calling from the corporate office.

My name is Cross.

Uh-huh.

We need to do the phone calibration.

Have you done that yet?

I don't believe so.

The telephone calibration.

All right.

we need we need uh i need you to clap your hands as loud as you can so i can register on the phone

please okay go ahead give me five good claps that was four claps i need one more okay okay all right

now we need to do a drop test uh can you hold the phone from about chest level and drop it onto a

counter or a table is it gonna break no it shouldn't this is a drop test if it does it's a

a faulty phone we'll have a new one shipped out go ahead okay hello did someone say shit shit shit

yeah who said shit shit he told me to drop the phone so i dropped it yeah it must be okay to do

all right jack in the box i've never been to a jack in the box all i remember is that in the 90s

people were getting sick from salmonella from jack in the box hello thank you for calling

this is dwight and i'm recording from the bathroom dwight from the bathroom all right

All right, well, that's the status.

I'm on the mobile bathroom phone.

Okay, I need you to calibrate it.

Can you put the phone in the toilet?

Yes, I'm in the toilet.

Are you doing a number two again?

I'm pooping.

Oh, man, why?

I don't want to talk to you when you're pooping.

Come on.

So your pants are down and your ass is open and everything right now?

Your balls are hanging down and you're talking to me?

My penis and balls are exposed, yes.

All right, okay.

Well, thanks.

And you know what?

I had asparagus earlier tonight.

Oh, man.

Nasty.

And then I had pork, and the pork was almost like Chinese, so when my ass explodes, like, my butthole is all, like, slanty-eyed.

It's like chow mein.

Nibbling.

You're going to have, like, chow mein in the toilet bowl.

All I need is one of those little Chinaman hats.

Papi Pee-Poo.

Okay.

All right.

Like this.

You should say it again.

Papi Pee-Poo.

All right.

You ever masturbate while you're pooping?

No.

No, never.

Never really.

Never had the urge to do that and that at the same time.

Thank you for calling Texas on Northeast Loop Highway 410 in San Antonio, Texas.

Howdy.

Or visit CrackerBarrel.com to place an online to-go order.

Cracker Barrel.

To the online wait list.

If your call is to place a to-go order, please press 1.

For directions or hours of operation, press 2.

To speak with the first available associate, press 3.

Come on, Mouse.

Mouse!

Fuck it.

Wait a moment.

...story

store on Northeast Loop Highway 410 in San Antonio, Texas.

Now you can download our app or visit CrackerBarrel.com to place an online to-go order

or to check the weight and add your name to the online weight list.

If your call is to place a to-go order, please press 1.

I did that.

Wait a moment.

Oh, white fin is shitting and he was done with me.

Hey, this is the Cracker Barrel at the airport. How may I help you?

Hello?

Yeah, hey.

Okay, could you please have a name for the to-go order?

yeah all right and what could i get for you today excuse me i'm on the toilet i'm taking a shit

i can't listen to that i can't listen to that right hello caller you're on the air don't be

an asshole hey i just want to call you to say you should do more of those calls like it's just like

right off of like just like the obscene toilet stuff see like the response that's like the best

thing in a long time i'm shitting just sitting there all right yeah yeah just to just to catch

them off completely off guard right there we go with that that's the best thing yeah yeah yeah i

get worried that i'm being too juvenile or relying on toilet humor too much you know because you know

other prankers oh oops our caller was saying something and i up i'm back sorry buddy

yeah no problem uh hey let's both be in the toilet together since you like it so much what do

Yeah.

Hi.

Me and my friend, we're here in the toilet.

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

Well, that's one way they can't react is just hang up, I guess.

Fucking Applebee's.

Here in this fucking place.

Well, it wasn't Applebee's.

Yeah, I mean, yeah.

Ooh, a Twin Peaks.

That's where they got the big tits.

Yeah, I heard about that place, actually.

It's like a Hooters, like, clone, isn't it?

Yeah.

I've never been to one.

What is that like?

A breastaurant, as they say.

Oh, never heard of that term.

Yep, that's what that kind of dining is called, a breastaurant.

Was this for the to-go?

Yeah.

Is this the restaurant with the women with the big tits and all that?

The what?

The women with the big tits and all that.

The room with the big tits?

The women with the big tits.

Um, I guess you could say that.

Like, the girls, like, show the big breasts and everything and all that?

Is there a VIP room?

No, no.

Yeah, yeah.

We wouldn't reserve a table, like a VIP table.

We want to reserve our VIP table, please.

Yeah, we want to...

No, we don't want to take reservations.

We want a VIP table.

No, no, it's a VIP table, please.

Yeah.

We don't take reservations.

How much do you charge per song for the girls to come to the table?

Per song?

Yeah, you know how they dance with their asses out and their...

No, we don't.

The breasts?

No, we don't do that.

Can I stare at the girls' breasts?

Can I stare?

That's all she wrote there.

Well, I learned something today that they do not have VIP tables after they're missing out on a good revenue stream

I know I haven't been picked up

Hooters like completely like a boy Hooters market a friend of me and my wife was telling us that he recently took his son

His eight-year-old son to Twin Peaks and it was long. It was a lingerie night

And it was like he said it was like way up. They weren't expecting that was way off the chain

I'm like, holy shit

I've never been there, but I've been to Hooters before, and I only go there to, like, get drunk and just have fun, like, you know.

I've been there once, and it was, the wings weren't any good, really, and the girl kept sitting at the table, and I'm trying to eat wings, you know, and wings aren't a graceful thing to eat.

I'm just trying to watch the Magic game and eat wings by myself, and she kept sitting down, and I'm like, hey, this doesn't help your tip.

I'm thinking of myself, you know, like just leave me alone. You're kind of starting to get on my case

To be it's just like another version like another take well, they're like supposed to be a

Like a ski resort kind of style. No idea that kind of feel alpine II kind of yeah

There's no VIP room is where you're trying to tell me right now, right?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

There's no, you know, whatever goes on in the back room goes in the back room.

No sex industry.

Yeah, strip clubs are a waste of time and money.

Let me pay for the honor of being cock-

Let me pay for the honor of being cock-teased.

I'm gonna go to a strip-

Can I help you?

Let's make an order, please.

What kind of order?

Why not? This is 24 hours.

Try and take a shit over here. Would you mind, please, keep it down over there?

Yeah, I don't understand. I'm on the toilet taking a shit.

Shit, what do you mean I can't make an order?

The restaurant policy, we can't make a call after 10 p.m.

But I'm inside the restaurant right now.

I'm in the bathroom.

Well, I mean...

Just being honest with you, I'm being honest with you, sir.

Both of us are drunk right now.

We're both sitting down on the same toilet taking a shit together.

What time is it right now, and when can we make an order?

It's 10.01.

It's by one minute, and you're giving me a hard time?

You is a lazy bastard.

I'm being a piece of shit right now.

I apologize, sir.

Give me some pancakes, motherfucker.

Berg, I'm here to the handicap stall.

We need carbs immediately.

We're drunk as hell right now.

I need something to handle us, man.

We need to soak up this alcohol, you know?

Pancakes?

Yeah, two orders of pancakes, yeah.

All right.

Can you put chocolate syrup on?

I don't think he's going to make an order.

Where are the pancakes at?

Two orders of pancakes coming up right now to the bathroom.

All right.

So we got like maximum $5 coming down there.

Probably right now, right?

Oh, that's fine.

Listen, Ed, how can I assist you?

shut up and don't talk so loud i'm sorry shut up and don't talk so loud this is the hilton

hey i have a question about the pool what is that i have diarrhea is that going to be a problem

using the pool goodness anything else you need to say well do you have a you know do you have

a policy that you can't go in if you have diarrhea that's right you don't you don't

have a policy about that yeah um if if i i just sat on the toilet and i pushed it all out you

That's a wonderful thing.

Yeah, but...

You have a good night.

But I want to use the pool.

Oh, the pools are really close, sir.

Yeah, but in the morning, you know, I like to take a nice swim.

But before, I'll push all the shit out, you know, before I go in, and I'll wipe really good back there.

Okay, that sounds wonderful.

I'll wipe really good back there, so no one will get sick.

We'll be kosher. We're completely kosher.

Yeah.

This is my doctor. He says it should be okay.

Wonderful. Have a good night.

Oh, she ain't having it.

Down with the bomb, Colin, man.

let me connect them my communication is too weak my connection you fuck you skype don't tell me i'm

weak you're fucking weak skype don't give me that shit hear me good yeah i hear you good you hear

me good yes oh good that's dom the bomb and he's here dom what is your your picture on skype what

is it so there's this like uh thing on facebook it's called every spongebob frame ever okay and

And it does, like, every single frame of Spongebob.

So sometimes there's little pictures of the fish making, like, little smirks and shit like that.

It looks like a Simpsons vagina.

You know, it's kind of weird like that.

So it's a Spongebob thing.

Yeah, and he's just, like, making, like, a face.

It's just, like, yeah, bitch.

Looks very vaginal.

Well, caller, say hi to Dom the Bomb.

Dom the Bomb, we have a caller on the air.

I didn't get his name, but he's here.

Hello, caller.

Hi.

Ooh, you sound sexy.

thank you it's a dude oh hey girl could i get your number girl or what's your name

no thank you i'm married thank you what's your name delilah delilah all right

sorry looking for a number i'm with you social security administration is gonna be closed right

now how about a liquor store yeah close business it's friday how are you gonna close the liquor

store this early on a friday yeah right i think it kind of sounded like that on the mixer too but

But your audio, it sounds like, what is it called?

Like when you put the bar lower and then your thing goes above it, like it's too loud.

It's clipping?

Clipping.

But not like clipping, clipping.

Like it sounds like.

Like.

Is it all the audio or just when I talk?

All the audio.

Like the little.

It sounds like.

Damn.

Distorted.

Crap.

All right.

Let me bring the audio level down a little bit here.

Maybe that'll help.

Yeah, it sounds better.

All right, there we go.

We'll go with that.

Panda Express.

Any ideas for Panda Express?

Dom the Bones.

You do that while I pack a bowl.

Go for it.

That's a legitimate complaint.

I completely agree.

Authentic Chinese food.

Yeah, this is San Antonio's crap town, man.

Everything's fucking closed.

I can't hardly find anything open.

Everything shuts down.

Isn't San Antonio like two hours behind Eastern?

Or was it one hour behind Eastern?

Wow.

I think it's 10 p.m. there.

Holy shit, dude.

Oh, okay.

Well, the Google says that this is Vietnamese Chinese Vietnamese restaurant is open

For some fofo a fool you want food

some

Full combo I

Had some fall yesterday. Oh so good. Hello

Hi, I was running with the fall. Can I get it?

You want 4?

We only have beef 4 right now. Beef or shrimp?

4, 4, 4

Do you have papi people?

Papi people?

Do you have bobo?

Oh no we don't have bobo

Oh bobo

No? Alright well you know what I mean by no bobo?

You know where you add the the extra fat

Do you would you do have knock bow?

You know what that is where you add the extra fat to it the skim from the top

I don't know what you're talking about knock bow

My friend my friend here does not speak Vietnamese. Don't let me speak to you, please sir

No, fuck. Bye. No, come on. Oh, hey

Yeah, they were you just talking nonsense. I gotta be real with you guys

Was that actually something?

something to say okay yeah i no no that was completely diverse i'm sorry i was hoping

you never know they might yeah i i i learned yesterday the girl told me that if you want

they'll add the to fall they will add the the skim on the top of the of the of the broth as

they make it you know the fat separates and you can get that added to it yeah there's like extra

fatty bro you know i think i think they have they have the well i think they have the bones that by

by default, right?

Like, they have the bones

to create the broth for that.

Well...

But I don't know about the, like,

the fat in the skin.

Well, I don't know.

I don't know.

But I think there's some meat in that.

But, yeah, it's mostly bones.

Yeah, but apparently, like,

they'll give you the skim,

like, you know, off of that,

the fatty skim,

and it makes it kind of oily.

I got it like that.

It was good as shit.

It was good.

Fuck, I was like,

fuck, yeah, I'm getting like this every time.

But now I don't remember

what the fuck it was called.

I remember a fellow in New York City

these like legit it's amazing it's great yeah like the fat like the duck fat i think it is

yeah it's really good yeah dude that's the best shit ever dude i've had allergies and i got i got

a big bowl of pho last night you know that was really good i got out of it i got out of my

therapist appointment right next door to the vietnamese place ate a bunch of pho hell yeah

china and everybody no they're closed uh we're leaving san antonio this city sucks man a lot

Yeah

Oh Vegas, Vegas is good too

I mean Vegas is like 24 hours so

My coworkers one time when I used to work in Sacramento they were like

Hey dude let's go to this fall, let's go to fall

And I was like what's that and they're like it's a bowl

And I was like alright

And it had like tofu and shit in it

It has a bunch of shit in it like

Oh really?

Tofu, fall?

I don't know

Yeah you gotta get it with the tripe and all that stuff man

The tripas, so good

They're nice and chewy

chewy yeah have you guys tried boar at all like like pig the pig boar we try that i had a boar

jerky i had a boar sandwich in baltimore at the uh what does it taste like i've never tried boar

before it's like gamey or is it like salty it was kind of sweet it was actually pretty good

i'm gonna say it was good it was good yeah it was at this burger compared to like compared to

like ham how would you compare it to like ham what would you think it's a ham it was a boar

Like a ham sandwich, like a ham from like a, you know, like a Boar's ham sandwich.

No, I wouldn't say it was.

It wasn't very hammy.

Uh-uh.

It was actual burger, you know, it was ground.

It was pretty good.

It was kind of like maybe describe like kind of like a sweeter kind of meatball meat.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was good.

I liked it.

My wife had elk.

It was like some kind of burger place down there in Inner Harbor.

It wasn't Inner Harbor, somewhere in Baltimore.

The old town Baltimore area.

I don't know what it's called.

i forget now there's a place in sacramento that serves uh buffalo it's pretty good i hear good

things about that buffalo you know yeah yeah it was pretty good yeah you looked at in and out

burger there dom is it any good oh yeah fuck yeah that's the only um so when i was starting to get

fat and i tried to cut out fast food um and then i went back like a couple months later i don't

know if this happened to you but when you stopped and then you ate it again for me it hurt it hurt

hurt my stomach like my body was like what the fuck are you doing yeah we're eating this yeah

why are we back on this again yeah yep in and out's the only thing that i can eat or the only

fast food place that i can eat that doesn't hurt my stomach you can tell it's fresh that shit's

cooked right there it's it's yeah it's pretty good stop quality i yeah i would i i back it i i um

i recommend it they're like on the level of five guys out here i believe right yeah they're always

is compared i think people compare in and out and five guys a lot no no no no i mean no no and now

in and out is like a more delicious and quote-unquote more healthier and it's like five

guys like i would go in and out over five guys any day yeah and then under any spectrum yeah you

know five guys i feel like get ripped off the quality of the meat you can tell is not that good

it's the the burger meat itself it's kind of blah the grease the grease is what they're selling on

And it's what I go for.

The grease is good.

The fries are great.

Five guys do.

Those fries are awesome.

You can get them Cajun style.

I recommend.

They'll put the Cajun seasoning on it.

But they tend to be real heavy handed with it.

Yeah, what's up, though?

Now, the fries is what usually people complain about when it comes to In-N-Out.

I want to say they're like a Pringle in that kind of style of taste.

It tastes like a Pringle, like that kind of potato chip.

Like they've been mashed already, like pre-mashed and then formed again and all that.

they're just cut super tiny they're like uh shoestring fries like steak and shake string

yeah i hate steak and shake fries i hate shoestring fry they suck you gotta get an animal style though

they put cheese and onion and like uh mayonnaise and that like that thousand island dressing on it

they cook it like that and it's man it's so good oh man wait wait but carly have you said you've

been to in and out or you've not been to it i have not been in and out not yet okay so good yeah

When you go in and out, you'll realize the superiority of the five guys.

You'll prefer that more often.

I have to get out to the West Coast to do that.

Maybe next year I'll make it to that meetup and I'll be able to do that.

And I also haven't done Shake Shack yet.

I hear good things about Shake Shack.

I haven't done them.

They're in big cities.

I've been to them, too.

They're pretty good.

Yeah.

All right.

Cool.

There we go.

There's your burger review.

In and out.

Coming up.

Coming at you.

Dom, you take it away.

You do a call.

I'll call on you.

Okay.

Yeah.

Calling In-N-Out Burger's customer service.

This call may be monitored or recorded for training purposes.

Please hold for the next available representative.

Yeah.

You really like the Dr. Lego shitting.

Thank you for calling In-N-Out Burger.

This is Robert.

Hey, bro.

How you doing?

Yes, hello.

Hey, so I was there earlier, and I ordered a double-double, Amino style.

Okay.

And then you fools put, not only did you put crushed pepperoncinis in it, but you gave me the buns with lettuce.

Okay, I'm just talking about that. Which location did you visit?

What the fuck was that, bro? Like, why did you, what the hell was that? Like, what's the purpose of that? Is this a joke?

This is Englewood. Always up to no good. We're calling. I'll call back.

They hung up?

Yeah. I'll call back. This is in Englewood. If that question comes up again this time.

Alright.

Englewood. Always up to no good. Even Hollywood.

Thank you for calling In-N-Out Burgers Customer Service. This call may be monitored or recorded for training purposes.

Please hold the next available representative.

Calling In-N-Out Burger. This is Jessica.

Hey, Jessica. I ordered my food, and then I got home, and there's a problem with it.

Oh, no. Do you have time to get it fixed today or not today?

I mean, it can be fixed today, but do you want to know the problem?

Yeah, I just wanted to know if you do want to go back today, like if I'm arranging for you to go back, or if I'm sending you on a guest card, whatever's easier for you.

No, I don't want to go back.

You want to go back and know what the problem is?

No, because you know what the problem is. Hello. Yeah, the problem is not a five guys burger. It's not a five guys

Got him. She did not like that. All right polo campero pollo campero country chicken

What's that the show sucks

Like DoorDash and all these other like third-party apps like this right now, they're ruining my

There's going to be less and less need for, like, customers like us to call in to go to these stores.

So we should really, like, treasure these moments we have right now, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

I got people actually, like, phoning these places, you know?

Yeah.

Think about it.

Yeah, think about it.

It's all going to be going online and shit.

People calling the Inglewood Costco.

Door dash over.

To reach the administrative staff, press 1.

For warehouse hours, directions, and holidays observed, press 2.

Meet when I transfer your call.

Missing out, man.

Man, they're doing some crazy stuff with the menu lately.

They got a deluxe version of a double quarter pounder.

Quarter pounder with cheese.

Got a deluxe version with leafy lettuce.

do you guys have like a table you can bring in no we don't all right i have a i have a a tank

like a glass tank with a rattlesnake in it and there's like no room for me to put it here and

it's i can't leave it on the ground because the snake will get out you know he's he's a venomous

snake we don't have a table that we can bring in do you have can i move some stuff here yeah you

can just make sure you put it back well i guess i mean i mean it'd be really bad if like you know

the the if the if the aquarium the habitat aquarium that he's in it's glass if it falls

down it's gonna be real bad you know i'm saying like when you check out just make sure you put

Put everything back.

Uh-oh.

Yeah.

That's the...

I dropped it.

Dropped what?

The snake tank.

The rattlesnake is out now.

I'm 12.

12.

Hello?

Oh, she hung up.

She went running.

Sorry, caller.

I kept you on hold there too long.

You missed a snake get out of his little habitat, glass habitat at the hotel.

Yeah, no worries.

She was like, what's up?

What was that?

The ground for my call, you know, let's see if I can get it on I'll be taking a break soon

It's almost break time is almost halfway through these three-hour shows go by fast

No super phone brothers today, huh? No strange is still out and about

What's it gonna be called super thank you for calling the fever is in

Now hold or dial zero for the front desk operator. Thank you. Let's be super phone brothers one player

Please hold. There is no due of silence while your call is transferred.

You know, fuck Luigi anyway.

Fucking green bastard.

Luigi, his jumps are different. He likes to hide too.

Hello?

He's got the flutter feet. Hello?

Yes, sir?

Is this front desk?

Oh, okay.

Hello?

Yes, hello? Front desk?

Don't hang up, fucker!

Fucking...

Ah.

I have a scammer number. I can put it in Skype.

A what number?

The scammers?

Yeah.

Thank you for calling the Seabreeze Inn.

Hello, Seabreeze.

Hello, yes, sir. Is this the front desk?

Which front desk are you looking for, sir?

In the hotel, stupid.

Huh?

You stupid? The hotel front desk. The Royal Century Hotel.

I shouldn't say stupid.

Oh, man.

It's my fault.

Oh, man.

You call stupid.

Let's try one more time.

Thank you for calling the Seabreeze Inn.

All right, he's picked up and hung up, little motherfucker.

Goddamn motherfucker.

I'm unprofessional.

Yeah.

Here's a Super 8.

That's always fun.

It's going down to the Super 8.

You ever stayed at one of those?

Super, yeah.

How was it?

Was it good?

It was all right.

I stayed at one one time.

Thank you for calling Super 8 by Wyndham, Inglewood, LAX, LA Airport.

Thank you for calling Super 8.

Hi.

I have a problem in my room.

What room number?

12.

You're calling the wrong hotel then.

It's Super 8.

We don't have room 12.

I think it's 212 maybe.

I'm not sure of a room number at the moment.

Yeah.

We have to look at the receipt.

I'm sorry.

There's a snake.

We have a rattlesnake inside the room, and he got out.

The what?

We have a rattlesnake in the room.

We brought him in.

Can you make sure of a room number yet?

Well, we have the receipt.

We'll have to find the receipt, but I'm not sure what room, the exact room we're in,

but we could pull up the receipt, but I have to search for it in my luggage.

I'm sorry.

But hang on.

Hang on.

Cross-country rattlesnakes, please.

Yeah, listen.

There's a snake inside the room.

He got out.

A rattlesnake.

He's a dangerous snake.

Is it your snake?

Yeah, we brought him in.

But we don't have pets in the hotel.

But he's just a snake.

He won't do nothing.

I mean, well, now...

Yeah, but it's not a dog or cat.

You're going to have to step out of the room.

You're going to have to...

Well, yeah, we have to.

We already did.

The snake is...

It's a venomous snake.

It's poisonous, you know?

I mean, there's nothing about it.

So it's your snake.

Ma'am.

Ma'am, please.

It's not a dog or cat.

It's, like, below a dog or cat.

It's, like, very small.

It's harmless, when you think about it in the long term, so please...

And it's not our fault, though. The policy of the hotel says no pets allowed. No type of pets allowed.

This is a real pet.

It's not a pet.

It's a weapon.

Yeah, yeah, it's not exactly a pet.

It's a weapon.

Then just call the police, then.

It's a weapon.

So they could bring animal control.

They said they can't do anything.

No, no, no.

It's an illegal snake.

The snake is not supposed to be...

The state of California bans a snake.

Ma'am, we have a concealed carry for the snake.

I'll just call animal control then.

They won't do anything.

We called them already.

They said that because the snake is illegal to have in the state of California.

Give me a second.

Stupid.

Puta.

She sounds like a fake-ass chola.

We have our papers.

Like, they can still carry a, you know, weapon one at a time, you know?

The snake is a weapon.

There's something weird about people that, like, collect venomous snakes.

I don't know, man.

Man, I'm sure there's quite a few that don't listen to the show.

You guys are weird, man.

Just keep those snakes away from me.

Don't show up to one of them.

All I know is, I mean, if you have a snake or, like, a serpent or anything,

just unsubscribe right now, dude.

Seriously, I've never followed again.

Yeah, dude, scope, yeah.

You have a sexual phobia.

The reason you like snakes so much is because, you know, it's a penis thing, you know?

Yeah, I mean, basically.

They like uncircumcised snakes.

They like them uncircumcised.

They do sexual things with the snake.

They make the snakes disappear.

you know what i mean sexually charmers ask the lady if she's a snake charmer oh we do we just

we just lost the snake i mean we technically don't know what a snake is right i mean it could

still be somewhere around it could be in the air duct it could be anywhere we don't know

it could be in the toilet it could be in the toilet it could be in you know the sewer it

could be we don't know we just don't know how this lady comes back to australia they got bit

in the ass because he was taking a shit and the snake came out of the toilet man you know growing

up i was in living in florida i was always scared that was gonna happen i always checked

the toilet first before i sat down because i was afraid a snake was going to come through the

toilet because i had read that happened to someone i mean you can't do any damage right

yeah you ever take a shit and it looks like a snake because it doesn't break off hold on

those are the best ones man those are the best yeah yeah yeah yeah i came i came home from work

for my lunch break and i had one of them this week as a matter of fact and man i felt great

the whole rest of the day i was like 10 pounds lighter i was walking around all happy yeah it

was yesterday actually because then i had fought after that and i was like oh man i feel myself

man hang up on this bitch yeah fuck it all right that's it i'm gonna be taking a break here

speaking of of taking shits listen i just i want to let matt hillock if he's listening man look you

know i love you man stop putting stuff on facebook showing pictures of your shit in your fucking

toilet chair i tried to report it and i couldn't find the option and i just had to sit there look

at it and gag while i was trying to eat my breakfast at work on my desk i mean matt matt

i long time listener i love we love you as well but there's a line there's a line somewhere right

it was a gray shit and and there was no paper in the bowl either it's like you didn't wipe your ass

it was more important that he take the picture than he wipe his ass

Satan does not approve of those pictures, Matt, please.

No.

Yeah, I was real upset at that, man.

I tried to report it.

Next level.

Facebook.

Yeah, I love you, man, but don't take shits and put it on public Facebook for me to see.

I don't want to see that.

And they put the same picture on Instagram or whatever, and I'm like, ah, damn it.

There you go.

All right, I want you guys to go.

Hopefully we can see Matt on September 7th or so.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

September 7th is the day of the meetup.

I hope to see you there

I'm going to bring party favors

It's going to be great

I have some madhouse t-shirts too

Actually working on those

Get some madhouse t-shirt ideas

It's going to be great

Rancho University

It was like a grey shit

It wasn't even normal

It was very very

very there's something going on well obviously it's mad there's something going on come on all

right now i break everyone too happy to enjoy the break i'm gonna go take a dab in the in the living

room dom you're welcome to join me dom we're gonna come to uh chicago or you're gonna wait for us to

come to cali again 75 sure getting lower before i was like 99 but now it's like i'm doing my best

i'm around 70 something percent 72.8 sure i'm gonna go yeah pick the train machine out there

again like i did last year it was fun dude i had that it was so much fun to meet all these guys

that talked to for so long for years you know more talk to more than the people in my real life

you know here in town where i live they finally and all the fans that came out we had a good time

you know yeah yeah yeah dwight said that um all right everyone madhouse live.com is my website

be sure to head over there check out all the tune-in links to listen to the show 24 7 of replays

and subscribe to the podcast the podcast will be completely caught up this weekend i promise it i

I swear this.

This I swear.

And help a man out.

Patreon.com slash madhouse.

I won't waste your money.

I'll put it to good use.

Unlike other people.

We're right back after this.

Like she said.

Yes, hi.

This is Roy.

You left me a voicemail.

I left that note on your car.

Yeah.

What was your name?

My name's Joel.

Yeah, I'm sorry about the car.

I dinged your car.

I'm pretty sure the damage isn't that apparent.

parent i actually went and fixed it as best as i could while you were inside where did you hit it

up uh towards the back around where the gas tank goes you know okay all right so i got into an

argument with my wife and she was giving me a hard time because we bounced some checks okay

and i don't i don't mean to get too personal about it but i've been wasting money on lottery

tickets and i went to indian casino so i got so angry that i started kicking your car i kicked

kicked it a few times in the back you're kicking my car yeah i was upset yeah i'm sorry i just

lost my temper and then my wife put she said that i had to leave a note for some reason on your car

so i went ahead and left the note but i fixed it i fixed it as best as i could i had one of those

dent pullers but did you see the damage um i'm going to take a look at it again i saw a little

bit of stuff yeah but i wanted to talk to you first to double check and make sure what i was

looking at well i got really mad at your car okay so i kicked it and that's that's i just

I just wanted to let you know that I kicked your car.

Okay, well, I appreciate it, and I'll give you a call back once I look at it

and talk with my insurance agent.

Obviously, it's a little late tonight.

Well, no, the insurance is already fixed.

The insurance is nothing.

I mean, your car should not have been there, basically, is the way it goes.

Why was your car there on the way?

Well, your car, you made me angry.

You did, personally.

I kicked your damn car.

I made you angry?

Yes.

How did that make you angry?

The way you parked.

Excuse me?

My car was parked in a parking spot.

Yeah, exactly.

a little too close too too far to you know to the side and then me and my wife got into we

started arguing i said she's like i said you know be a damn shame if someone did something

this car and then i opened my car door really fast and it hit the the car door like hit the

side of your car and it scratched it on the side there like you saw and she said oh very nice very

very good roy very good you're brilliant and i said yeah you don't like that and i got out and

i started kicking the car and i said what are you going to do now about it and we got my car

My car is an Audi, right?

Not a cheap fucking car.

I don't know.

What's an Audi?

What's that?

I don't know a lot about cars.

It's a very expensive car.

It's an Audi.

Those aren't expensive cars at all.

No, they're not.

It's not like a BMW.

They're more expensive than a BMW and a Mercedes.

I drive a Toyota Celica.

Yeah, so you drive a piece of shit.

I drive an Audi.

That's why I'm kicking other people's fucking cars.

You have an obvious attitude problem.

look the most important part is that i made up with my wife okay i don't give a fuck about you

and your wife i give a fuck about my car well i'm kicking people's cars well there's a part of that

you need to know about too about the way i made up with my wife i don't give a shit about that

i'm happy for you well no i'm kicking people's cars it was on top of your car if you know what

i mean bitch you got issues she we i had sex with her on top of the hood of your car after all this

happened hello are you there scott sir sir i'm sorry about the car are you there all right we

We lost him.

Wow.

He drives an Audi.

I should have said I drive a Dodge Stratus.

I saw someone throw that out there.

About ten minutes ago, a guy tried to break into my truck.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Yes, he's a long-legged, test-off Puerto Rican.

Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.

Yes, hi.

I was looking for some caskets that don't close.

I just want them to remain open.

I'm confused.

All of our caskets are hinge locks open.

I don't want them like that.

I want it to remain open.

We don't have any like that, sir.

You can do something to it.

Who's the designer?

We're the importer, but we're not going to import a whole container of caskets for a special casket that won't close.

No, we'll just make one casket special.

We can't do that.

You can't take out the things out of the casket machine to make it not close?

No, sir.

We can't do that.

Maybe you can't.

Is there a man I can talk to that knows how to use tools?

Wow.

Okay.

No, there's not.

What's the problem here, missy?

Okay, if you're going to get sexist, I'll go ahead and hang up the phone.

Well, I'm sorry. I've been drinking a little bit, but seriously, I need to...

Okay, well, then why don't you give us a call when you're sober.

We do not have caskets that do not close.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

All of our caskets have a...

Wait a minute, listen, listen, I'm sober now, okay?

Right, okay.

Okay, listen, I have an explanation for you of what's going on, all right?

I hope that when I die, they put a GPS in my casket and a trapdoor in the bottom

so that when I die, I open up trapdoor in the bottom, I check my GPS, and I go straight down to the hell.

Okay.

So can we put a trapdoor in the casket or just bury it upside down and make it a trapdoor?

That would be completely up to you, sir.

As far as our caskets go, our caskets are 100% sealed as far as the steel goes, and the woods do not have a steel.

However, none of our caskets have a trapdoor, and they all do close.

Can we make flaws in the casket?

We cannot. You may.

Yeah, but if I do it, you're going to void the warranty on it.

I'm not paying extra.

If the casket breaks because I'm trying to fix it,

because you're refusing to do things because you don't have any men that work there with tools.

Okay, I'm going to hang up now, sir.

Thank you.

Have a wonderful evening.

It's not my fault.

Hello?

Yes, how do you talk on your personal time saying stuff like that?

I think you've got the wrong number.

No, no, I do not.

No, I do not.

This is Griffin.

Yeah, what number are you?

Pardon?

Listen, Griffin.

How dare you say racist stuff like you do?

I'm on to you.

I'm sorry, but what are you talking about?

I'm calling to speak to the Griffin.

What Griffin?

The Griffin.

This Griffin.

And Griffin.

Who?

And Griffin.

This is Griffin.

Yes, that's who I need to speak with.

Yes, but we're not Griffin that's been on the television.

Well, listen, I'm from the United States of America,

and I'm bringing a lawsuit against you because of being racist

and making use of it on the phone.

Listen, I'm sorry, but you've got the wrong number.

No, I'm suing you, though.

I'm serving you with papers.

What is your Social Security number?

I'm sorry, we don't have a Social Security number.

I doubt that.

I doubt that seriously.

You're a member of Congress.

I think you need to get a different number.

Is this the Secretary?

You're not the... Pardon?

I command you in the name of the United States of America to put him on the phone right now.

No, I'm sorry.

Then you're guilty.

You're not... You've got the wrong number.

How do you plead? Guilty or not guilty?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Are you guilty or not guilty?

Guilty of what?

Of being racist.

I'm not racist.

So you're not guilty?

I've got nothing against you. Sorry?

Well, my quarrel is with...

Yes, but you haven't got the right...

No, put him on the phone right now. It's between me and him.

Look, you've got the wrong number.

This is Griffin in the United Kingdom, is it not?

There's more than one Griffin in the United Kingdom.

You need to get your phone book right.

Bullshit.

there's more there's more than one now listen to you listen to me we we live in where does this

other neil griffin live in england yes but there's more than one griffin in england but you're in

england aren't you but yes we're in england so this is the one this is griffin who's racist

oh so you're saying that my husband is the only one in in and how old is this griffin i have no

No idea. I don't pay enough from the United Kingdom.

No. Well, my husband, my husband is 75 years old.

That sounds about right for an old racist man.

I was on the television last night, which I presume you're talking about.

Is that the one you're talking about?

I suppose so, yes.

Yeah, well, my husband is 75 years old.

You're covering for him, yes. Yes, he's your husband. I understand.

He's your husband. I understand, yes.

Okay, so it's your husband, so put him on the phone.

No, because my husband is not the Griffin that you're talking about.

Listen, if you refuse to put him on the phone, then it's admission of guilt,

that it's really him, and that he really is a racist.

My husband is not a racist.

Okay, so you're going to put...

Well, then what's the... Why are you hiding?

You need to get the right number, my dear.

If you...

My husband is an old-age pensioner.

I am not putting him on the phone at the moment.

Listen to me, woman.

If you have nothing to hide, then why don't you just put him on the phone?

If he did nothing wrong, then what are you worried about?

Because my husband is nearly deaf.

He will not hear you on the phone.

That's why.

Oh.

You need to get the right number.

Can you do sign language?

Pardon?

I can do sign language on the phone for him.

Well, how can you do that?

He wouldn't understand that.

Yes, he can.

Listen, listen.

See?

Pardon?

Did you understand what I said?

No.

I'll try again.

Hang on.

There, I was sign languaging on the phone.

Well, no, I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean.

No, no, no, your husband's deaf, you said, but I know sign language.

Yeah, he's not, I said he's not deaf, but he doesn't hear very well on the phone.

He's hearing impaired?

Sorry?

Well, of course he's hearing impaired, he's 75 years old.

Okay, so I'm going to do sign language on the phone, listen.

Look, I'm not listening to you any longer.

I'm doing it right now, you're ignoring me.

Okay, good, that was fun.

Call free at 1-888-278-8509.

You know what? I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box and a tractor at the bottom.

So when you die, you open a tractor at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman. You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

It's fucked up when your mind's playing tricks on you.

Dominic to Bominic, you're here still, yeah?

Yeah, I'm here.

Yeah!

Rest in peace, strange life.

I hope he pulls through, man.

Congratulations.

Hey, Dwight McClanahan.

Hi.

Hey, honey.

How are you?

Are you done pooping?

Yeah, I don't poop no more.

What do we got going on for New Year's?

New Year's.

For 4th of July on next Thursday.

4th of July?

Shit.

I got the day off of work.

We can do some daytime fireworks.

Yeah, I think we need to.

Do some car crashes with fireworks.

We'll let the fireworks off of the car.

Yeah, we can call fireworks places.

Like, people sell fireworks and tell them that we just bought some fireworks.

Make up some shitty excuse to come back.

Tell them we're missing something.

Yeah.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I mean, fireworks.

Let me see if we can get Homer to come on camera.

He's hiding on the couch.

If you're looking at YouTube now, you might be able to see him.

Hey, Homer.

Chicken, your favorite protein.

Homie.

Mmm, chicken.

See if I can entice them.

It's like in Jurassic Park when they leave the goat out for the T-Rex.

Come on you lazy fat fuck.

Get over here.

Use that big nose of yours.

Yeah, show your dick.

Red rocket, red rocket.

Not anymore.

Oh.

Yeah, he got real aggressive at daycare one day.

We're like, ah, I guess it's time.

He was biting at another dog's ear.

You took his dick?

Not his dick, but his balls.

His balls.

Bulls.

His boys.

You took his boys.

The boys are gone.

Yeah, he gets upset when his dog friends leave for the day.

He gets all bitchy.

He doesn't want his dog friends to leave.

And I guess he didn't want this dog to go home to his parents,

so he just, like, chomped down on his ear, like,

and, like, started trying to drag him back in.

Yeah, I can't do that.

He goes, come.

Come with me.

Come.

Oh, my God, it was miserable.

miserable the whole ordeal afterwards he just was so miserable you know with the fucking cone

of shame on he wouldn't leave us alone he was just because he couldn't go to daycare we we it's

it's our fault there he is there is a homer i see i remember that one day you left your mic open i

think it was on a wednesday and you're like oh i didn't go to doggy daycare today and he tried to

bite your wife that was that was um two weeks ago when i ended the show because of the technical

technical problems yeah yeah yeah well yeah he tried to he was nipping at athena's thighs he was

like biting her and we started yelling at him bad dog bad dog you put him in the crate yeah and then

you call me say hey you know like we can't hear you like oh shit yeah i guess homer's being a bad

dog like a half hour i was trying to get your attention i was like texting and calling i'm like

this motherfucker isn't picking up but yeah and uh every time i called you could hear it on the

the fucking stream keep going going off i'm like yeah but to me she was just another bitch now

she's back with her mother that's a nice shirt that you got on there have you ever tried going

into a indian restaurant and ordering food with that on yet i wanted to wear it out tonight

you know before the show we went to the dispensary into the grocery store and my wife said absolutely

not she put her foot down so you're not leaving the house with that on like come on so if you

get beat up by some indian guy and i'm like why is an indian going to beat me up first of all how

How is an Indian going to beat me up?

Second of all, why?

Because I have a shirt that says I'm a motherfucker, a sister fucker.

Why would he beat me up?

It's not directed towards them.

No.

It's not directed towards them.

They're going to laugh at me and think I'm stupid.

You know, maybe because you're being embarrassed over it.

Yeah, I can see that.

But I'm not going to get beat up.

It's like I went, oh, I bought it.

And they just start laughing at you.

Yeah.

Yeah, my ex-girlfriend got this for me.

He's Indian.

She said it's a really good meal.

The real good thing to order for food.

my favorite indian dish you know yeah you just point to see say sanjay told me

to order this yeah this right here this right here yeah no i'm gonna go to an indian restaurant

with it on i'm gonna see i'm gonna go to subway the subway here this is indian guys and i already

need to ask i told them once that i knew some indian words and they said what do you know i

said i know bench on and they started laughing like oh that's funny those are very bad words

what's uh mr carlos try in chicago i don't know how many indian joints are in chicago

yeah i'll wear it fuck it i'll wear it i'll wear it i'm gonna wear it i'm gonna go to the hot dog

lady to go see the hot dog lady yeah yeah it's on the weekends late at night is when the the hot

The black ladies at the hot dog place curse at you.

Oh, we'll have to go in there after the meet-up, then.

We'll go in there.

Yeah.

We'll go in there.

It's going to be nice and liquored up by then.

Let's call them now.

The wiener circle.

Dom, are you still here?

You're being awfully quiet.

Yeah, I'm here.

I thought you were pooping or something.

Yeah, people want to go meet up.

Again, that's Chicago.

September 7th is the date of the meet-up, I believe.

So I was correct, okay?

Yeah, it's that first Saturday of September.

Yeah, September 7th.

Yeah.

Yeah, so in Chicago, is there a venue announced?

Is there a Facebook thing going for it yet?

Yeah, there's a Facebook event.

On the PCN page?

I think that's over on PCN's page.

Okay.

On Facebook.

And people are asking about another one.

There's going to be one in April of 2020, and it's going to be on the—oh, hell, let me look.

It's April—I typed it to you, and now I forgot myself.

I know the dates.

uh it's gonna be april 18th of 2020 out in san jose same area we were at last year all right

and so we can we're still figuring that one that's still a ways out that venue isn't finalized

september september 7th i think it's like two to two to seven i think we changed the hours too of

the meetup okay chicago okay new venue this time because the one from last time declined to have us

because we're crazy because of that cage fighting asian girl that she complained no i don't know

Calling her fat

I just suggested that she shouldn't have

Grapefruit juice with her if she's on a statin

I was doing my duty

You were just trying to protect her

Duty

Alright we're calling the anchor hot dog place

Chinese lady that wasn't even part of it

I got her to sign my book

What happened what

You got a Chinese lady

Sorry the mailbox is full and there is not enough space

To leave a message

To send a message to another subscriber

subscriber enter the area code and phone call them once not too long ago where i was like this

is the fuck you place that's the one i just want to do that again i first saw this stream oh okay

i first saw i first saw this place on david tell's show where he up all night or whatever

was back in the early 2000s you were listening to the stream dom just now or earlier before

That's a mother f***er

Oh, what happened?

You did this call where you called like a Walmart or something

Sorry, the mailbox is full and there is not enough space to leave a message

Just send a message to another s***

Ask Walmart

You said like, hey where's the foo? Where's the foo section?

You said some s*** like that and the guy goes, what?

And you're like, foo

And he goes, what is foo?

And you're like, foo, foo, foo, foo

Like you're like retarded or some s***

Yeah

Yeah, look it hangs up. It's a little fucking funny. I just feel like I can't get that kind of goofiness

That's what I used to look really like about doing a show over there were calls, right?

I'll be talking I'll just start going

Oh all of a sudden there was one I was into the stream recently and I started doing that in the middle of a call

And the lady's like, uh, I said sometimes I black out I say weird things. She's like did that just happen just now?

She's like, yeah. Oh, no. I'm sorry. I say some really weird shit

why am i calling this place that number i put in is a bunch of um a bunch of scammers they're

actually like they actually want you to call them back i guess they leave the message oh yeah

let me get those all right you know i didn't check to see if parkman sent numbers today

parkman if you're out there you're listening sorry about that let me go into gmail also

while we're at it what's chutia what is that chutia what's that again chutia i don't know

i i've i know it's an insult but i'm not sure what chutia is i think it's a penis kind of

thing chutea urban dictionary what do they say someone who has the patience to read all the

meanings of chua no mild expletive in hindi not offensive among friends and very handy

while driving on indian roads it's the indian version of calling someone a dumbass that's

chutea there you go like like pendejo like we would say pendejo you know yeah that's what she

called me when i called back i was like she's like oh we can pay your student loans i was like i went

to gandu school and she goes and she hung up all right we'll call you ever get those scammer calls

and just fuck with them like when you're like whatever yeah i got a call once i was off sick

for work it was perfect i didn't record it and i was just it was on my cell phone i had no way of

recording it i wish i would have the guy i was i all i did was say i said my name is ben it's like

ben who and i go bhenchod and he goes oh you motherfucker like that and he hung up on me

another time i said i don't talk to bench holds i told the guy he got upset it's like oh mother

you motherfucker like that i was gonna say carlito uh an idea i was gonna do it on my show and i

still might but i forget a lot of my shit call uh insurance companies like insurance companies

don't wreck something on your vehicle all right i keep unplugging the fucking second mixer and

it fucks everything up i should call we should call you want to call insurance companies and

say what oh and uh tell you know tell them something about like you crashed your car or you

got in an accident you need insurance so you can cover it you know instead of having it beforehand

you know because that's probably what i'm gonna do is bitch as you can say no you gotta have that

before yeah or call us i'm about to get into a car accident did we do that recently yeah i'm

about to get into a car accident i've been drinking uh is it the 609 number dom yes sir

here it goes it doesn't work it doesn't say it's my wife's car say it's my wife's car

my wife was cheating on me i'm gonna crash his motherfucking drinking oh man

damn it i was calling the walter guy man walter coming out that 10 uh super chat on the tubes man

fucking motherfucker here oh yeah i gotta check out super chats i saw a few pop up and i didn't

mention him yet give me a minute uh real quick super chatters thank you very much you make the

world go around uh quite a few of them today new maru anderson that sounds japanese donated

a super chat thank you sir no message left uh remember i will read your message on air if you

leave a super chat you can do that just like vital sign who donated a super chat on the youtube

and said we love you big cross oh hey thanks new maru anderson with two other super chats wow very

Very gracious of you, sir.

Or ma'am.

Yeah, I'm who?

Xander Fett donated North Korean money?

Is that possible?

It says NOK50 through Super Chat.

Is that North Korea?

Yeah.

No, I think it's Norway.

That's where he said it.

Oh, I was going to say, yeah, I didn't think they'd allow that.

Triple K Marine, I'll sell you a bow quicker than a cat can lick its ass.

Yeah, man, we had fun with that movie.

What the fuck was it that I suggested?

to the corn dog corn dog man yeah if you guys missed movie night last weekend the corn dog man

is a very good prank call related movie very fun cat was hosting it and she uh fell asleep she

didn't get it so like i've been all week been walking around in the chat going he's a good

daddy it's like what are you talking about yeah i told her i told you got a rubber neck

you got a damn rubber neck i told her we're gonna have to fire it up and just kind of

skim through the movie so she can like we don't have to sit down and watch the whole thing just

skim through it the cliff notes yeah how much in fishbowl is gonna cost me yeah yeah it's a good

movie this this old racist guy keeps getting prank called by one dude who sells corn dogs

he makes him think he's gonna buy a boat off of him and he never shows up and then he just

fucks with them and he he sinks his boat and all this no more spoilers yeah daddy did you get

gifts i put on the boat yeah the other hawaiian shirt i got you i don't want you to feel weird

i bought you some underwear but i know how important they are for man it sits at his desk

all day yeah that's true oh and it starts he's like you y'all you come down here i'll sell you

this boat and he's like all right i'm coming down he calls back you're gonna give me a ride

on that boat first what if i don't like it i waited on you till 9 30 i gotta hold some bad

had beef yeah all right catastrophe speaking of which donated as well and her message is for homer

r.i.p homer's balls there you go big homer oh he's got us an empty little sack now it looks like

chewed bubble gum mad hatter also with the donation nice thank you mad hatter neomaru with

another donation thanks big boy you could leave a message you know i will read it out walter heimlich

said dave attell insomniac that was a show was awesome what was also great tv fun house on snl

tv fun house saturday tv fun house mad mad hatteras's catastrophe is a bird a bird all right

go figure was that with that one dog new tomorrow also with another super chat uh a dog a that

little isn't there like a little dog and it had a cigar and it would talk shit uh oh you're you're

thinking of uh oh that's triumph insult triumph the insult dog no that was david tall was an old

bald-ass comedian he was cool he came around here a couple times well he's thinking about um

saturday tv funhouse no um tv funhouse was like ambiguously gay duo yeah the insult comic dog was

that was a conan o'brien thing wasn't it before he got the tonight show he was doing the the voice

I know it wasn't Eminem, but his voice always reminded me of Eminem, like one of his characters.

Yeah.

And, I don't know, back when he was doing his, it wasn't Ken Kniff, but he had some other shit.

Well, the guy, I think he was involved with TV Funhouse on SNL.

I believe he was.

I think he kind of worked on it or something.

I think he had something to do with it.

He's an NBC guy.

He was really funny on Kirby Enthusiasm.

Robert Smeagol is the voice

between Triumph and The Insult

yeah there you go

and I believe Smeagol did do

the TV Funhouse or was involved

in a big part of it

Saturday Night Live in TV Funhouse

thank you Dwight with the

Wikipedia action there we much appreciate it

it's funny he uses the Triumph

voice in Curb

Enthusiasm he's like on a

celebrity baseball team

it's like we got to win this game

we're going to their dicks in their asses talking like that some shit like that it's funny watch it

uh just just an update on the event for chicago uh as of right now there are 39 people uh confirmed

as going and 77 others are interested i'm sorry 93 are interested in their 39 going so we could

have quite the turnout oh good hopefully hopefully zack's and hillock don't destroy the airbnb they're

going to yeah yeah hopefully they'll have a weird ketchup orgy in the bathroom again and then talk

shit about it on your on the review afterwards oh there was people after them that were like

talking about like the place wasn't like in great shape the floors were sticky from the previous

people like yeah like three or four people that stayed after yeah like the guy's still sticky and

oh really after i didn't know it was for that many i know the guy right after said the maid

he was like the poor maid it wasn't her fault she tried her hardest but it was so bad

she tried to clean it but it was so bad yeah it was at least two if not three uh people that

stayed after were still complaining about the apparently they couldn't get the stickiness off

of the floor like it was just some combination oh my god not even gasoline would get off

jesus matt god oh the super party house yeah the the matt hillock drug house yeah

That's what I was calling it, the Matt Hill of Jorga House.

Did you go to that Jorga House?

Yeah.

It was me and Strain.

They had some balls.

They put the address right there on Facebook

because that's what you want to do these days.

Yeah.

In this age of doxing and swatting.

We were going to go too.

There were some of us that were going to go hang out,

but then when he put the address right on Facebook,

we were like, yeah, no.

so do you know what happened in the bathroom with the ketchup do you know any do you know

why that happened dom what that was about i don't know what happened but i know that there's like a

little step that went down and um there there was a shower down three little steps after the kitchen

like if you walk in you go to your left there's a there's a little bathroom with the shower and

then if you go straight and then you go around the kitchen there's three little stairs you can

could walk down and then there's a shower that has like a thing that you if you're disabled you

could like kind of stand the way that just it was set up so i guess what had happened was matt went

down there and then he couldn't come back up or something so zax had to like drag him and i guess

they knocked over a bunch of shit including like fucking food and all this i don't i don't know

because i wasn't there when that happened uh me and strange i think i don't i don't know what

But, like, yeah.

Sounds crazy.

Yeah, and Zax is kind of way fish.

He doesn't seem that strong.

He might have hurt his back or something.

You got to be careful with that.

You know, I was wondering, Matt's going to get Airbnb for September, right?

He says.

Yeah, but I think Zax put it in his name.

But is he going to bring the shit chair?

And is he going to use shit in the living room in front of everyone?

Or is he going to actually go to the toilet?

I don't know.

What kind of shape is he in?

because uh you know he unfriended me after i chewed zax out and uh he unfriended me so i don't get

updates on him anymore well we gotta yeah we gotta um we gotta get you two talking again yeah well

he unfriended me like it's on him it's on him motherfucker him well you kept deleting stuff

off of the pcm page that they were posting well it was them destroying shit like destroying the

airbnb and laughing about it i'm like yeah that doesn't keep that over on the fucking party time

Put that on party time don't put that on PC. Yeah. Yeah, it's not staying like for one night

I it was like I'm gonna go I'll be there Friday Friday night

I stayed be strange and wasted memories stayed in a hotel and then Saturday

Saturday night. I just went home. Yeah and strange

Had you ever met strange before your girl that was the first time that's awesome. You get to meet him. Yeah. Yeah

I have video of strange and wasted if you want to see it. You want to see it?

Wasted showed up. He was at the Airbnb with us for a while

Waiting on other people like he's setting up like all of his equipment and all this shit in here for a show. He's like

He's like went to the hotel we didn't see him for like the next two days until the day of the meetup

all this shit is just sitting in the living room or not delivering in the kitchen like all set up

like nice what the fuck are we supposed to like has anyone seen him like are we just gonna sell

this shit now or what he's like he's like there's no water to steal yeah he brought he bought like

a 30 pack of fucking bud light he drank like four or five out of there and then the rust was just

left in the fridge and that got left for the people after us no fuck that oh they only loved

did we left that beer in there uh green bee had some like sparkling wine or some shit i don't

know what the fuck it was yeah and uh there were some like heineken's of green bees in there

and like some waters and stuff like that and the next people that checked and they're like

they're like oh my god like this guy was so awesome like he had beer and water and all this

stuff nice it hooked us up it's like yeah we just didn't have anywhere to put it man we weren't

gonna haul it around yeah don't get used to it yeah green be sitting there with martinelli's and

shit what the hell well we went to uh making mimosas it was we went to we went to a party

store at a fucking indian party store and as we're walking out he fucking yells bad chode like

really fucking loud i'm gonna get us fucked up around here it's like don't do that nice indian

parties place you want to know a funny story about wasted memory yeah so that saturday morning um

There's this there's this place in Oakland that serves tacos and it's just really good. So I was like, all right Buster Casey Justin

Wasted memory strange life. We're all gonna go get the tacos before we go to the meetup and

The the Bay Area is extremely notorious for having the stupidest fucking drivers

So as we were going it's like oh cool 30 minute drive, right?

Yeah, and then um, then my fucking maps it goes 35 minutes 40 minutes one hour the fucking thing turns red

so we're stuck in the car and then uh wasted goes pull over i gotta throw up pull over i gotta throw

up and so um i pull to the side and then justin gets out while waste is trying to fucking throw

up justin starts taking a piss on the side of the road while people are passing by and then

and then and then wasted can't throw up i guess like he can't and then fucking justin walks up

to him after he's done shaking his dick he walks up to him he goes you can't throw up here it's

easy you go like this you hold your breath then you shove your fingers in your mouth and he

fucking shoves his like to his ring finger and his middle finger into his throat and he fucking

starts throwing up oh my god yeah i would i would i would have liked to have met justin i didn't

know he was gonna be there just as a cool dude i really like that guy he seems like a fun time

yeah we're gonna get carlito out there for 2020 though have fun with that ass yeah 2020 here we

go whoo all right well let's do some prank calls that's what we're here for that's what the people

want let's go to hawaii yeah i got it on video he's throwing up he's got it on video this is

the funniest ever dude oh man oh look i have voicemail on this one everyone's saying

Oh, you're all doing so good.

Oh, you're fucking well.

Hey, Charlie, are you ready to get your sound together?

Your audio's not good, bro.

On the right.

Hell yeah.

Hang up on me.

Okay.

Listen.

Speaking of bad audio.

Woo-woo-woo-woo.

Woo-woo.

Self.

Woo-woo.

Goddamn thing is not working.

Oh, it's right post mod again.

Yeah, I forgot to mention.

I think Netflix is down because of women.

You know?

Cause they, they, women, they mess everything up.

Pokes fine.

No thanks.

No thanks!

He's got a theory about women, something he doesn't even understand.

So you've never been to Hawaii?

Nah, it's on my bucket list.

It's fucking beautiful.

Oh man.

Yeah, we'll go out there. Crispy's like, she'll show us around.

We'll go to see Charlie.

I think Charlie would be kind of cool if I met him. He'd be like, ah, you son of a-

You know?

What the hell is going to come from this?

He'd take a picture with me and the bird.

Parrot.

It's like we fucked with Gary Brodsky for so long, he actually missed us when we stopped calling.

Hey babe, you crazy you!

Hello?

Hello, a taxi caller is speaking, can I help you?

Yeah, hi. How's the gasoline work here? Is it the same like in the mainland?

Yup.

How does the gasoline work here? Is it the same like the mainland?

Well, all you have to do is press the pay now and then use your credit card out there or you can come inside.

And it goes inside the car?

Huh?

The gasoline goes inside the car?

Right in the car.

Yeah, or a motorcycle, whatever you're driving.

And then the car goes?

And cross.

Uh huh.

Alright, how many coconuts is it for a liter?

Who's this?

Cross.

How many coconuts does it cost to get a liter?

Who's this?

Do you sell it by the liter or the gallon?

I sell it.

I said I'm cross.

Cross.

Damn you.

It's $2.859 per gallon.

Puta.

Did you hear?

$2.859?

Goodbye.

$8.59?

Yep.

Two.

No.

No, it's $2.59.

That's not bad.

Two point, yeah, two point.

That's not bad.

Okay, and is it menthol?

What?

Is it menthol?

This is gasoline, it's regular, plus, and that's two-three.

Do you have menthol?

No menthol.

Okay.

Okay, bye.

Bye, stupid.

Do you have menthol?

Did she say gas was $2.59?

$3.59.

That's...

Oh, $3.59.

I'd imagine it's expensive, more expensive than Hawaii.

yeah we're paying like 271 right now that's about we're like in the 250s i saw today

oh my god fuck man i went uh last week week and a half ago i went to the gas station

and uh i was looking i was like what the fuck there was like 230 like 234 a gallon i was like

well i'm gonna i'm gonna fucking fill up i'm gonna top the tank off here because like all

the other places around there were like 295 there was gonna be like a fucking 50 cent

jump and i was like fuck this and like i got over to walmart real quick and filled up i feel like

224 because i had 10 cents a gallon off and uh there was a line because walmart was the only

place that still had low prices the cops were out there making sure nobody was getting fucking

crazy shit i used to go buy gas at walmart and over in orlando when it was closed by

yeah i got a nap for that murphy usa whatever their gas stations are called and yeah i remember

there was a sign on the pump that said murphy usa fastest pump in in america that the gas the gas

would come out the fastest it's the fastest pump in town i was like all right i can see they have

this super strong comes up real fast yeah we get i don't know we that 50 cents uh jump was

fucking my day i've seen a quarter as much as a quarter but they jumped 50 cents like overnight

uh and then our stupid ass bitch governor like we already have some of the highest gas taxes

is in the country and she wants to add like another 40 cents on top of it i'm gonna get

the fuck out of here lady fucking bitch man fucking democrat home fucking create

over here in california well that's because of all your stupid rules over there with the gas

yeah it's because all the homeless people using the gas did you guys see shit when you guys went

to san francisco homeless people but not actual shit we saw somebody i didn't get to see anyone

taking a shit like i wanted to see that somebody just dropped trauma just shit like i said

So, I've really been into the shit lately, huh?

Hello, you have reached Kaliohana apartment.

We are an equal housing opportunity community and are currently accepting applications for one-

Dear viewer, I did see a guy over by the bus stop just like laying on the sidewalk, like legs halfway into the street.

And I'm like, is this dude dead or is he alright? I don't know what to do here.

We saw a bum with his pants down, like his ass out, and he was laying on his stomach.

What fucking part of town were you in?

Cool grandmare shit, what you see?

I was just trying to get the van shot.

shout-out that we were in by waving and yelling I love you to everyone that we

passed. Hello, hello, Spets here. How can I help you? Yeah, hi. Can I shit here? Pardon me? Can I make a shit? Can I make a shit here? Please don't ever call us with this kind of question again. Well, if I have to shit, then... Again. Have you actually shit? Oh my god, I would never. I would never. She queefs when we all know it. Do you fart when you pee? I don't care.

What was that?

I have to speak with this bitch?

Yeah.

She has caller ID.

I'm going to have to change it.

Let's see if she gets that.

Oh, fuck.

She got caller ID?

Oh, shit.

Was that in the future?

Was this time?

Yeah, in the Corndog Man movie, they showed how the police trace it.

Oh, no.

He was recording it, too.

He hit the fucking rail.

Yeah, he was recording a call while the cop was there tracing it next to him.

He gave him a thumbs up.

He's like, I got you now.

What place is this, by the way?

It's an Italian restaurant.

Koloa, Hawaii Koloa

Change a caller ID just a minute, please. All right. Oh

One moment, please.

Did you guys, uh, Don, did you guys see any, uh, whatchamacallit, any, uh, syringes?

Any needles?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Called all of San Francisco.

What?

You're coming in, uh...

We were just looking for a place to, uh, to go eat, uh, after Buckshot and Dragomir played Battle Dabs.

And we were all sitting in this fucking marijuana lounge getting a contact high while they were playing.

What the fuck is Battle Dabs?

they were playing battleship but like every time you hit the other person's ship that person has

to take a dab of the marijuana oh shit that sounds fun i'm gonna play that with my wife

and uh so yeah i forget how many dabs you had to take it was like 13 or 17 total i forget how

many times you have to hit the other opponent to sink them are you gonna get high with us this time

man i'm gonna get hot and why because it's a cool thing to do dom's not afraid to get high ain't you

dumb i'll do it they just legalized that out in uh chicago but i think it's gonna take a while to

be uh in the law recreational now medical is yeah illinois illinois just uh did recreational

oh shit oakland legalized mushrooms did they psilocybin man i'm just scared to do psilocybin

i don't know i'm just afraid we're gonna have a bad trip especially with like people like you

were in offense sorry all right so right here you go check any specials tonight and you on the

tortellini on the man that thing that's not on the menu what type of fish is it to manchon tonight

and are you very very busy like if i came in can i get a table um we're not okay you're busy can i

sit on the toilet and take a shit oh my god now someone else is calling about taking a shit it

must be an ad out about this is the best place to shit in town say what my audio is like cutting

it sounds better now okay i think you got a booty but yeah syringes when we went to the top of the

world or the um twins pete twin pete milkman syringes oh yeah that's where he chills at and

he's like far out yeah did you guys go to the turkish horse at all dwight no there's a lot

of shit that we wanted to do that we didn't do so that's definitely on the list for next

you have plenty of time to play around with ducks or whatever and go to that was the last day we

were wasting time before our flight like we had we were just like we went to the mall and it was

like an asian guy in one of the jewelry places like it was in a back room but you had a big

fucking like viewing glass for some reason like i guess if this guy was working on your shit you

can watch him he was in there eating his lunch like it was some noodles and like some disgusting

looking shit in a bowl and i was eating dipping dots and i came over to the fucking glass and i

was staring at him and eating those dipping dots like he was a caged fucking animal and i was just

staring at him like all crazy like nice you didn't like it at all well too bad we got a picture we

got a picture of it somewhere i was just fucking i was just right up there staring at him like he

was a caged animal like oh my god look at this guy i can imagine you got a really funny stare look

to you all right matt hillican hilliquin exposed it he's exposed it hillock is calling in now

maybe we can get you guys to be friends again i gotta go you're gonna go you're not gonna stay

back to the map i got complainer numbers but they're old they're stale i don't think they're

any good anymore let me check a fucking goose man he was an ass i'm going back to that place

so i'm gonna have a rematch with that goose bit my fucking shoe fucking ice

the goose bit my shoes well that goose bit my shoes twice before i turned the camera on and

he fucking did it again but this time he came out from in the cage and fucking came out after me

he bit your shoes yeah twice before i turned the camera on he like i was just standing there and i

was looking at the ducks behind him and this fucking goose took his head through the fence

and bit my shoe and uh i was like what the hell and like i just kind of stood there for a few

more seconds he bit my other shoe i was like what the fuck is going on here and so i i backed up

and i told everyone i go watch this i was like a little motherfucker i said i'm gonna turn the

camera on i said i bet he does it again so he bit my shoe geese are assholes man and then like

the fence i'm like no i'm gonna ask i want i want answers man you're being a fucking asshole ever

since i got here what's your problem well they had a they didn't have the third board down on the

fence so like the ducks could get through like and walk back and forth like in and out but this

fucking goose went over dipped under there and started fucking chasing me fuck and uh he's over

there chasing me shit and then he backed off and he sat there he started fucking squawking his shit

like it was funny yeah they're assholes they're assholes geese geese machines well we had two

Two kids, two that ran up on him, like, after it left me alone.

And, like, I thought for sure, like, I kept the camera going.

I thought this goose was going to fucking attack these kids that were fucking with him.

You should have had Matt chase him with his wheelchair.

Hey, Matt, you're here.

Hey, Matt.

Hey, hey, can we work out you be friends with Dwight again?

Nah, it's fine, man.

You unfriended him.

You unfriended him on the Facebooks.

Really?

If you guys wouldn't show him that much?

He misses you.

and also i mentioned can you please not take pictures of you shitting and put it on facebook

so i see that while i'm eating breakfast on my phone but i think you predicted it i tried to

report the picture but i couldn't figure it out i was trying to report you to get a ticket

get a ticket down oh you're gonna get me in i was gonna get you a strike yeah you're gonna put

him in facebook jail yeah me me few or me me a few uh sent me a a screenshot of me on youtube

We're in the middle of a yawn

And it's me in my bench hose shirt

And I'm yawning

I'm like

I look like a fucking

Puerto Rican Grimace

I look horrible

Oh my god I'm so fat

Yeah so he could steal more food

He was a bad guy

He used to be a heel and then he turned face

It's crazy

Yeah alright

Inside baseball wrestling talk

Yep kayfabe

all right i think this complainer numbers are older i want to say hello to everybody out there

hello everyone on e-radio land by the way uh i heard mr biggs's latest podcast i must say i'm

happy that we're back to the original style mr biggs show with uh you know you know where it's

biggs talking about whiz bangs and all that ask that it's back to ask mr biggs because i don't

know the the adhesive stuff was kind of it was all right but i i missed original mr big show was

and it's back it's back baby when are when are you and him gonna do something i don't know i

don't know if he's really i mean he always seems very nice to me i don't know if he's a super fan

where he'd want to do anything i mean i've talked to him on brad's show brad had him on once and i

called in and he seemed nice enough he's a super cool dude he always says my show is good he's

So it's like, this is a good show, you know?

He does that to me, too.

He does that to everybody.

I feel like you two would do, like, some funny shit.

Like, you'd have a good chemistry to build up.

I think so, too.

Yeah, hey, Biggs, you know, call in sometime or something.

I don't have him on Skype or nothing, so.

I gotta get with him.

Hit me up, Biggs.

You people talk to my people.

Let's do lunch.

A call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

Seven, two, zero.

You know, during one of my hospital stays, I completely binged listening to all like 30 of his episodes once.

I've asked Mr. Biggs, it was great.

Oh, it was a great thing.

I had opiates, I had Mr. Biggs, and then Matt did a show right after I finished the last Mr. Biggs episode.

Call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

And there was a race riot somewhere, we were prank calling the race riot place.

Damn, that's probably a race riot.

yeah is that uh i think it was the baltimore one i think it was the baltimore one that happened

after that the the guy they got thrown in the back of the van ah yeah yeah i do remember our

nice little chats though when ferguson was going down me and you were kind of chuckling and like

come on use some we're calling walgreens that were set on fire yeah we're watching them on fire

i kept wanting someone to pick up we're like don't do that no the uh the phone system was still

working though yeah it was weird for some reason whenever i was on in the hospital there was a race

ride every time i remember we called the walgreens as it was first shown on fire they showed they

were breaking into it and it was ringing and then when i tried we tried to call again it wouldn't

ring anymore it was dead funny if like somebody that was looting it picked up the phone why your

name stealing shit you need something we want more i remember was ordering calling a chinese

these restaurants around the corner from where the riots were happening i wanted to order a brick

oh that was on yours i think you were broadcasting this matt that was fun i'm gonna order a brick

no it's like i don't have no brick yeah we used to uh run through windows yeah back when uh hump

was still running for president we were calling places where he was holding rallies and calling

restaurants and making orders and uh getting their fax machines and we'd like okay we made

an order and we'd like to pay for it now and they're like okay well we don't take cards over

the phone like no no we faxed you in our payment and it was fucking like these fake trump rally

tickets they're like oh they're worth money they're worth money and they're like okay sir you

can stop calling here and don't fax anything else to us because we kept faxing a new ticket

there was a while you guys just you guys were messing with a hotel and you would fax like

pictures of like porno but like cartoon porn yeah but like in reverse color so it was like

all black and you know it was like yeah all the toner was all used up and shit

and then we would get uh well we would do one place and we'd get her to this

like would be corporate and we'd get her to describe the pages that were facts and she's

like okay like it looks like he may be forcing her like i like i don't think it's rape but it's

like rough sex and i'm like okay okay is he wearing socks and she's like what i'm like

it's a guy is he wearing socks in there and she's like no i don't i don't think so and she would go

on and on forever and then we'd start of course asking her if she was aroused by it and that's

when things started to take a turn whoa whoa whoa stop the clock all right here's the sheraton hawaii

let's i don't know we can do some elevator calls yeah you're stuck in the elevator again matt's a

a big fan of those you can you can never get it out i still think you want to hear that

this is a favorite of everybody's the elevator this is lisa hello hi can i help you oh hello

ma'am i'm uh i'm in the elevator stuck in the elevator yeah do you know what elevator you're

in i have a plan i'm gonna go up on top of this of the roof of the elevator because i can push

I'm going to push this panel out, and I can probably get it going.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Is this a crank phone call?

Who is this?

No.

I'm a guest.

My name is Cross.

Can you spell your last name?

C-R-O-S-S.

You're not going to find me in the computer because I'm not staying here.

I just came into the hotel off the beach.

Okay, and so what you're saying, but how can you use your cell phone in the elevator?

The cell phones don't work in the elevator.

I'm on Wi-Fi calling.

Yeah, I know, but the cell phones don't work in the elevator.

It does.

Is there any way you can just press the emergency button in the elevator to call us?

No.

Why not?

Because I don't know how to work it.

You just press the button right there where it says emergency in the elevator.

But it's not an emergency.

I'm not panicking or anything, you know?

It's still an emergency.

Okay, can you tell us what building you're in?

I'm in the Sheraton.

I know, but do you know what building you're in?

Are you on the ocean side or the garden side?

Well, I came off the beach. It's facing Paul Poole Road, you know?

Um, can you hold on real quick?

Asshole.

Yes.

What?

I just got the button. I can't find the sound.

Stop it! Why are you hitting buttons? I'm on top of the elevator.

I'm here, sir.

I'm on top of it.

You're on top of the elevator?

Yeah, and I fixed it. It started working again.

Hey, is there somebody up on top of this fucking thing?

Hey, shut up down there. Can you hit the stop button?

I'm trying to hit the floor, and it just keeps-

no hit the stop button i'm up here help this this isn't my well how do i get you down i'll

come down and you hit the stop button i'm scared wait um okay so you're on top of the elevator are

you close to the ocean no i'm in the elevator shaft idiot you're in the elevator shaft yeah

there's no there's no elevator in the ocean you're in the elevator shaft we don't we don't have an

elevator shaft all right you're calling the sheraton kawaii resort yes there's a shaft that

the elevators in the shaft at the elevator now okay we're gonna we're gonna send security to

look at every elevator shaft okay all right asshole oh you just called me an asshole yeah

hurry the fuck up okay so we have your phone number written down you don't have shit motherfucker

you don't have shit yeah good good i have your phone number written down yeah i will definitely

call the police to let you know save the number write it down and call me we can have phone sex

She is his old bitch.

Written down. She's got it written down.

I've got the phone number written down. Why would you write down the phone number?

Oh my god.

This is some crap. This makes no sense.

I hate it when Bob Ross's son does a painting instead of Bob Ross.

He's a fag.

Sheriff's Enquirer, this is Lisa.

What's going on, Big Lisa?

Why are you going back?

Because you're taking too long and you hung up on me and that's rude.

and i'm up here i'm scared the elevator's going up and down i'm riding it like a surfboard

damn it by the way i got that sound clip from uh the mini series on hbo chernobyl which was great

it was really well made really cool highly recommend it he says are you stupid on there

yeah he says it's like one of the scientists the guy that's he's like how does a reactor

explode like that how was he's like i don't know are you stupid he goes no

it's like super condescending yeah he's like are you stupid he is stupid fucking guy he

caused a fucking nuclear meltdown i keep seeing other videos saying like uh like it wasn't that

bad see wasn't that bad it was great and like saying like like that that it was like played

up for the show it's like no oh that it wasn't that bad no it was pretty fucking bad man

yeah yeah i saw i saw stuff saying that it was worse than they showed some parts they didn't

yeah anyway yeah it was pretty fucking bad yeah anyway hey it's time to watch the solar movies

that are you like fifa yeah oh man i'm so bad feeling hey matt at the next airbnb for the

chicago meetup are you gonna bring the shit chair no no you're just gonna hold it and i still i

I still got to buy a ramp.

Well, I plan on going home.

Like, not stay there a lot.

Just hang out and do drugs?

Man, but, like, it'd be awesome if I could be standing up.

Like, lately, I've been standing up by the kitchen sink.

It's so weird that, like, standing up is such a big deal.

Are the infusions not helping with that?

Well, I don't know.

I just feel like I'm degrading.

No, I go next to talk to another doctor

for some physical therapy at the certain science.

Okay.

I want to give a thanks to Neomaru

who sent in three more Super Chats.

Thanks, man.

I appreciate it, man.

You can leave a message or a Super Chat.

I'll give you a shout-out.

You can make it so I say I'm a big gay.

I'm a big gay bear.

I didn't think the YouTube this.

You are a big gay.

Walter Heimlich

Walter Heimlich's message in his super chat

says Matt prepare for Chicago

meet up I command you he commands you

so rise

Lazarus is what he's saying

I'm excited really truly

very excited

alright

I think we're out of here then

I want to thank everyone who tuned in today

thanks to everyone

who sent in numbers and ideas

Nunu sent in ideas for

asda some kind of weird drama that's going on about muslim movies i don't know i don't get it

it takes a lot of explaining new new next time next time send it to dwight i'll do it tomorrow

all right buddy uh thanks thanks donald the bomb for joining you hear me yeah i do yeah

did you do fourth of july uh yes i i'd like to do a fourth of july show uh during the day

probably. I have the day off.

I have to work the next day, so not late at night.

Maybe, Dwight, you can join me. We can do

some of the firework. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Get our firework

on. We're going to do some fireworks tomorrow.

Oh, yeah. Tomorrow. Hell, fuck yeah.

We can. Yeah. Some fireworks tomorrow.

I got them ready.

Yeah. And Matt,

happy 4th of July, man.

You take care, buddy.

Do your physical therapy. Do the right

thing, alright? Do the things.

I hope to. I hope to.

All right, and friend Dwight on Facebook again, right?

He misses you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just, I will, every now and again, I just throw it there.

Nunu says to ask Mr. Pillock, who is you, when is your next show?

Zach's was busy this Wednesday, so we'll try to do two next week.

Try two, but it's not a problem, you know.

Okay.

okay so i'm gonna try monday and wednesday next week gotcha all right there you go there's your

answer monday or wednesday of next week new new prepare yourself get them numbers on all right

all right guys no problem drink some caffeine man you sound kind of low well uh oh i hung up on

them i didn't mean to do that so abruptly but it's like you gotta cut it off all right guys

rod here it was an average show i give the show today a c c minus m-i-n-e-s it was all right

nothing really stood out at me but it was still enjoyable an average show is a decent waste of

time on a friday night right thanks to all the two new and thanks mixler for getting your shit

straight finally so we could fucking broadcast normal fucking people

Calls (38, 1 h 12 min of 2 h 25 min)

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